#Just treated me normally or like they were excited because now it meant i got to help out even more and its just so fun being there

[freebooter4ever]

A friend called and something he said is nagging at the self-hating part of my mind....

I just...when im working i always use the excuse of 'im too busy to date' and when im unemployed im always too ashamed and depressed/worthless to date. That doesnt leave any moments TO date?

[binsito]

Kitty, what're your thots on pervy stepbro!skz? Cause just thinking about it has me going woozi (hehe)

AHHHHHHHHH (those are my thots)

cw: stepcest!!!!!!! dni if uncomfortable, i warned you. proceed with caution,

slight voyeurism/exhibitionism (or mentions of it), mentions of drinking, masturbation, dirty fantasies involving the reader, sex and oral sex (or suggestive scenarios involving it), slightttt noncon situations due to pervertedness, mentions of assplay, cum, all characters are adults who's parents got married later on in their lives (thought i'd clarify just in case). i think i hit the major ones, pls lmk if i missed anything super important

okay bye

bangchan: he is soo sweet. he's incredibly helpful around the house, always offering to clean the dishes after dinner. your mom absolutely loves him. he's perfect, minus his one dirty little habit of asking you to help with the chores. it's not like he needs the help, he just gets a little excited when he sees you bend down to pick something up or go through the laundry because he gets a peek of your pretty thong.

'two of us get things done quicker' he usually says, and of course you don't mind helping him, he's fun to talk to and you also have to carry some of your own weight if you're going to keep living with your mom while attending college.

'i'll treat you for helpin' out' but what he really wants to say is he'll fuck you up against the laundry room's door. couldn't you get the hint? his cock was always rock hard around you, it was painfully obvious. couldn't you hear him through the walls fisting himself while you were both home alone? he didn't care to be quiet at all and he knew you were just choosing to be oblivious.

he was so good! why couldn't you just reward him? he mows the lawn, cooks if he has to, throws out the trash. the least you could do was give your sweet stepbrother your mouth to use around his cock after a long day of hardwork around the house!

and he hates the way you're licking the ice cream he got you for helping. hates the way you look at him and giggle because he knows you know what you're doing to him.

minho: he was bored out of his mind at the wedding reception for your parents. at least his dad was happy for once.

he glanced over and watched you order a drink from the bar, sipping it as you looked towards him. he quickly looked away and chuckled to himself, hoping you didn't notice how his eyes trailed down as he checked you out in your pretty dress. would it be disrespectful to put moves on his new stepsister?

he could ask you to dance, right?

he made his way over to you and leaned against the bar, smiling towards you.

"could i have the pleasure of dancing with you?"

you giggled at him and waved him off, explaining to him that you were to shy to dance.

"well then let's go somewhere private where no one can see us?"

the implications of his words made you flustered. this was your step brother now. did he mean his words in that sense or were you reading into it too much?

(he definitely meant his words suggestively.)

his eyes basically undressing you as you swallowed thickly. he could take you to the family restroom and no one would even know the two of you were missing.

he could easily slip past the huge blend of both families and fuck you outside behind all the cars.

he could make you hold his cum the whole night until your parents went their separate way to their honeymoon together. you could have the whole house to yourselves, fuck on every surface imaginable and no one would ever have a clue.

changbin: he's normally shy, very respectful. very gym oriented - going as far as setting up all his equipment in the garage with your dad's permission. you were interested in his work out routine, asking him if you could join him one day.

he didn't know why that made him so flustered, sputtering while he talked to you and letting you know it was perfectly fine that you used his stuff and joined him. you were surprised how disciplined he was, how heavy he could lift. he was trying hard to keep his composure, trying hard to push down the thoughts he was having of you spotting him.

the idea of you basically straddling his head while he benched was making him see stars. or what if he had you bench press? what if he was the one straddling your head, having you look up at him and see how his cock protruded from his gym shorts, the obvious outline giving away how hard he was.

what if he had you do russian deadlifts, coming up behind you to help with your form, cock brushing up against your ass while he tried explaining how to position yourself properly.

all changbin wanted to do was hold you open over him while he laid on the bench, licking at your cunt eagerly. all he wanted was to take you from behind while you tried to finish doing cable tricep pushdowns.

keyword on tried because he wanted to make sure he'd leave you dumb enough to even forget what number set you were even on.

hyunjin: hyunjin started to catch feelings well after your parents got married, you two just clicked, friendship quickly burning into something so much more.

but he knew you probably wouldn't feel the same, would probably be grossed out by him if he told you he loved you. he didn't want to ruin the family dynamic so he kept his feelings harbored deep within himself.

but his heart absolutely shattered when you brought another boy home, begging him to not tell your mom because you weren't sure if she'd approve of him.

all his hope of maybe one day confessing to you was thrown out the window. did he read you wrong? he could've sworn that maybe there was something there..

and he couldn't sleep that night, tossing and turning as he heard you through the walls, giggling with that other guy and hushing him. warning him that although your parents weren't home - hyunjin was.

but the hushes and scolding did nothing because hyunjin could still hear everything clearly. how you kissed him sloppily, how the bed shifted when he climbed on top of you, how you gasped out when he pressed his cock inside of you.

hyunjin closed his eyes tightly and to save himself from his misery, he pretended it was him between your legs, his hand reaching down to touch himself as he listened in on the both of you. he pretended it was his name that you were chanting. he took note of the pitches of your moans, how they got higher when you were about to cum, how breathy and incoherent you became.

he would do anything to see how your face twisted with pleasure.

at least he could pretend to be the one to bring you to your peak whenever he heard you through the walls.

jisung: living with jisung was definitely something to get used to. unfortunately with the sudden growth of your new family, there was not enough space for both of you to get your own room. you'd be sharing a space until your parents found an adequate place.

jisung didn't mind but you clearly did. having to share the en suite bathroom in the mornings was a challenge.

why did he have to take so long in the damn bathroom?

"jisung! c'mon i'm gonna be late, can't you please hurry up!?"

he always managed to beat you to the bathroon, always waking up early to start his day.

what you didn't know is he was taking care of his aching cock in the shower, fisting himself to the image of you sleeping soundly. he had gotten bold lately, picking the sheets carefully off your body to get a peek at your body, tugging your sleeping shorts to the side to reveal your panties, moving them aside to finally be met with your cunt.

how was it so wet?

could he give it a lick?

he didn't want to be caught.

rubbing himself through his shorts until he couldn't take it anymore, rushing to the bathroom to chase his release.

felix: he knew he shouldn't but he just couldn't help it.

watching you from his bedroom window inconspicuously as you tanned by the pool in your backyard. you looked so pretty, so unaware that he was jerking himself to the sight of you in a skimpy bathing suit. that dumb bikini top leaving little to the imagination, it wasn't your fault you didn't want annoying tan lines. he watched intently as you turned face down in the lounge chair, reaching behind you to untie the straps of your bikini top so they wouldn't leave a pesky mark. you were basically naked, your tits were basically on display for him, couldn't you just sit up and show him? flash him really quickly so he could finish in his hand?

it was torture - having to watch you from afar when he wanted to be down there with you. would you quickly cover up if he were to go join you? or would you barely acknowledge him and continue to enjoy the sun? would you ask him to reapply sunscreen on you? would you let his hands wander, trailing down to your ass to massage them? would you protest if he pulled your thong down or would you let him play with your ass a little?

he wanted you bad.

spurting cum all over himself and making a mess as he let out a loud groan, it must've been loud enough for you to hear and look up from your spot, making eye contact with him through his blinds.

goddammit.

seungmin: your mom wouldn't let you go out to that dumb frat party unless seungmin tagged along and drove you there.

you agreed because you didn't want to lose the opportunity to go talk to that football player you had the hots for.

seungmin thought it was funny, watching you fix your makeup one last time in his car's mirror. there was nothing to fix, you looked perfect in his humble opinion.

he knew you wanted to go to this party because of that guy, he wasn't fond of him at all. you were too good for him and in all honesty, seungmin wanted you for himself.

he wanted you to be his but it was complicated given the fact that your mom was married to his dad.

his advances didn't go unnoticed when he laid his hand on your inner thigh as he drove. impulse thoughts racing through his mind - what if he just turned around right now and took you in his backseat? he wanted to make you forget about that stupid jock.

"minnie?" snapping him out of his thoughts at a red light.

"you're quiet." you choose to say instead of bringing attention to the obvious hand on your thigh

"sorry, just thinking about the one hundred ways i could fuck you and how it would be so much better than that guy you're pining after." he speaks up, driving towards a turn lane to make a u-turn.

jeongin: he always thought you were pretty.

he had seen you around campus but was always too shy to approach you. how would he even start a conversation with you. when his mom told him she had found someone new, he was excited for her but the last thing he ever expected was for the 'someone' to be your father.

you, the girl he so helplessly daydreamed of was soon to be part of his family.

he didn't know if this was a blessing or a curse.

could he push down all the thoughts he's had of you or would he fail miserably. how was he ever supposed to tell you he liked you now?

when your families decided to spend the holidays together, he knew he was going to struggle. cock hard in his slacks as he watched you reapply some lip gloss that had gotten wiped as you drank wine and talked to people.

he felt hopeless.

he decided that socializing would be too much for him in this state of mind so he snuck upstairs, finding his way into your room.

there was a picture of you on your vanity, a pretty bow adorning your hair as you smiled widely. jeongin wanted to make you smile like that, wanted to tell you how gorgeous he thought you were but soon his thoughts became dirty, imagining how he wanted you to smear your lip gloss all over his shaft, peppering his cock with delicate kisses.

he shoved a hand into his pants and pulled his cock out, stroking it gently as he grabbed the photo with his free hand.

fuck, you were perfect to him.. the prettiest girl he had ever seen.

his brain became foggy, only thinking about you and you only as he pumped himself-

"jeongin?" you stood at your door, he nearly jumps out of skin, pathetically cumming all over your photo, face burning hot as he looks over at you.

oh fuck, how was he ever going to live this down? how would he even explain this predicament?

please refrain from reposting, modifying, translating, copying or stealing my work. - © binsito

[jaylaxies]

KINKTOBER DAY 24 — DACRYPHILIA

PAIRING: jaemin x fem!reader

GENRE/CW: smut, unprotected sex, manipulation, toxic relationship, ex!jaemin, usage of nicknames.

WC: 1.2k words

WARNING: 18+ content, minors dni

A/N: hihi, angels! i am so excited to post this one aaa i hope you like it :3 all likes, comments, reblogs and feedbacks are highly appreciated! iloveyou all <33

✎ kinktober masterlist

“I regret it—please take me back.”

Maybe breaking up with your ever so loving boyfriend was not your best move, yet it wasn’t your fault that he was too controlling, filled with possessiveness through and through. 

You wanted out, and you got it, albeit you were alarmed to see just how calm and collected he was, when in reality, you had expected him to break a vase or two in frustration. 

He let you go easily, which kept you up at night because that’s not what Jaemin would do and deep inside, you started second guessing your choice, wondering if leaving the guy who only ever wanted to love you, though his means were unconventional at times, he meant well. 

It all came crashing down when you actually saw him in the club, talking to a girl that was definitely not you. You couldn’t bear well with the fact that he was so nonchalant about it, not contacting you once since the breakup happened. 

Maybe it was the reverse psychology playing its trick, but you couldn’t deny it was working. After all, who would ever love you like Jaemin? Would anyone ever be obsessed to the point they’d hate seeing you with others? To the point they’d want to be involved in every single aspect of your life?

You didn’t have any answer for that, rather, you only knew that Jaemin would do it for you, he always had been doing so, which would be the initial reason for the breakup, and now—the reason why you wanted to get back to him. 

Which brings you to his place. He let you inside gently, as if he wasn’t surprised to see you. His calm demeanour had your mind turning into a fiasco. 

“Do you not care about me anymore?” You asked, voice breaking pathetically as you held back a sob. 

He looked at you normally, “you’re the one who wanted to break up,” he shrugged. 

And it hurt. It hurt to see him being so unbothered about the situation. The fault was yours, you’d agree but it would have been better had he been mad at you instead. 

You felt tears pricking your eyes, bottom lip trembling as you took a step towards him, “do you really not want me anymore?” You asked, embarrassed for being a hypocrite. 

“You left me, baby,” he said, heart fluttering when you called you the term of endearment. 

He had a frown on his face now. 

“How would I have any say in that, hm?” He asked, stepping closer and you rushed to pull him into a hug. 

“Please, take me back,” your voice came out muffled as you buried your face into his neck, completely missing the smirk which settled on his face. 

This was his plan all along. 

His monotonous look returned right when you leaned back, and lord he swore you looked beautiful with crystalline tear drops cascading down your cheeks. 

He hadn’t even touched you and here you were, wasting your precious tears on him, not knowing that he’s all yours, he’ll always be yours. 

“Please?” You whimper, pulling him closer by his nape in an attempt to kiss him, and he lets you. 

He lets you pour all your feelings into the kiss, tasting the saltiness of your tears as he doesn’t do much to reciprocate it, despite loving every second of it, which only makes you kiss him harder. 

He groans into your mouth, “now you realize it, huh?” He mumbles against your lips, hand gripping your cheeks now, which makes you mewl, “I’ve been treating you so well, baby, and you do what? Break up with me?” He clicks his tongue, “doesn’t sound fair to me now, does it?”

It doesn’t take him any effort as he picks you up, carrying you to the bed as your heart starts racing that maybe, just maybe, he was gonna let you back into his life, even if it means you’d be punished for acting out. 

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled again, which was not acknowledged by Jaemin at all as he threw you on the bed, a soft oof leaving your mouth at the impact. 

“Why should I take you back, hm? Did you go off to other men while I wasn’t with you?” He asked, fuming with anger when he knew that you didn’t do it. 

He kept a check on you after all. 

“N—no, I wouldn’t do that,” your lip trembled, excitement coursing through your body as he got on top of you after getting rid of his T-shirt. 

“How can I be so sure?” He asked, wrapping his fingers around your neck, applying the best amount of pressure, another drop of tear leaving the corner of your eye, “oh, baby. You can’t make mistakes and expect me to forget them just by crying now,” he shook his head, lips so close to yours. 

“I—I really didn’t go t—to anyone else,” you hiccuped and he chuckled, loving every second of watching you break down. 

The sight was beautiful, his cock was harder than ever and he hadn’t even touched you, “yeah?” He asked in a whisper, and you nodded, feeling small under his predatory gaze. 

“Guess I’ll have to claim your body as mine again,” he mumbled, your eyes widening as he shoved his hand down your pants, only to find you wet, the damp underwear sticking to your cunt uncomfortably, “that desperate to have me back, princess?” He chuckled deeply. 

You could feel your body vibrating with his, all his muscles on display and guilt clear on your face as you took him in. 

You couldn’t understand why you left him, and you couldn’t understand how he was ready to take you back so easily, the thought making you cry all over again as you nodded, “want you, want us.” 

“Prove it, cry for it, baby,” he whispered, taking your pants off along with your panties, the cold air hitting your core making you hiss. 

You wanted to cry, you really did, and it was hard to stop your tears which unbeknownst to you, turned Jaemin on even further, he stared at your pretty face while pumping his cock, which was harder than ever. 

“Beg for me to take you back, beg for me to claim you again,” he mumbled against your neck, biting and sucking harshly, your pain inflicting pleasure on him. 

He doesn’t give you a second to prepare yourself as his dick head prodded at your entrance, pushing himself in with the intent of bottoming out, which was easy given how wet you were, yet the stretch was too much for you to take in. 

You were blabbering nonsense at this point, begging and letting your tears fall freely as he marked you up, to make sure that you never leave him again, to make sure his marks stay on you for a long time, “so pretty when you cry,” he chuckles, thrusting harder by second to hit the deepest spots in you.  

Your breathing grows heavier and you could sense your orgasm approaching, your eyes rolling back to your head as your back arches, bliss beginning to form in your lower abdomen, “I’m sorry!” You cried, holding him close as he fucked you through your orgasm. 

But, he didn’t stop there, continuing to fuck you, laughing as he saw how disoriented you looked when this was just the start. 

It was supposed to be your punishment after all. 

THANK YOU FOR READING!

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[insanescriptist]

Cremation is just another fun(erl) service

So blaming random 4am thoughts that have been plaguing me all day for this

----

Jason woke to a bright room, thin sheets and the smell of a hospital embedded in his body.

First as always, assess. Hospital. No affiliation printed on the walls or anywhere. Private room, but small. That door looked like it led to a private bathroom. Generic flower picture, a mounted screen turned off. Really fucking bright sunlight from the windows.

There was no fucking way he was in Gotham then. Everything was too nice. Normal by standards outside of Gotham. There were blinds, not metal shutters. The walls were cleaner than Gotham allowed outside of Downtown and he could see greenery through the window.

Okay. So what had he been doing? Jason remembered and then wished he had his Jerichos to shoot himself with. Mystic Shit™. Okay. Okay. That was not one of his better ideas, but if he's recovering in a hospital, it worked. World saved.

So recovery. How fucked was he?

His skin looked so fucked. Which meant he had been worse. He's had time to recover and lose muscle tone in, going by how twiggy his arms were. His hands looked good. Clearly someone knew he cared about those if they went through the effort of restoring those.

Hmm, that was odd. No matter how much Jason hated the Lazarus Pits and all its by-products, it would have been a faster and more simple way to recover from near-death than the long incarceration in a hospital for a John Doe.

Jason wasn't sure if he'd been abandoned yet again by those who called themselves his family because he could, "take care of himself," or if he had been written off dead. Again.

Hospital beat the coffin by a long shot.

And it was with that cheery thought, a nurse -obvious meta human nurse- came in and burst into excited Japanese, because that was of course, his luck.

It's after the nurse and doctors leave that Jason loses his shit.

It looks like he's sulking in bed, but mentally everything in his head is exploding. Imploding.

Three. Fucking. Years. Coma.

Burn victim so bad they not only expected him to die in the first couple of days, but still expect it because of the infection risk his fucked up skin represents.

Still the conversation with the medical staff -of varying degrees of bizarre- was enlightening.

No, he has no idea who he is. Did he ever get anyone visit? How did he get here?

Of course some amnesia is to be expected. No, some of the nurses visited. No one knows how he got here.

Does he know what his quirk is? Uh?

Trauma blocked amnesia, the doctor mutters.

What's the last date he remembered?

Saturday. Maybe? The last year? No, I'm pretty sure my memory is shit and I'm trying hard not to freak out over not knowing anything. So could I get the year number?

And then there's the fucking year number. Once he got it translated into more normal terms.

Mystic Shit™ said fuck you to the future.

Except Jason knows this is not his future. Again, if it was, this would have been treated as a fucking inconvenience. Effective skin restoration goop -the proper name escaped him- was easily available to those with the right connections. A normal baseline human with 2nd and 3rd degree burns would be fine in less than two weeks with it, with nary a trace to show for it.

Thanks to the three year coma, his muscles were all atrophied as fuck, despite their best attempts at physical therapy. Because of all the burns and later burn scars and infections making it basically impossible to actually do fuck all about maintaining muscle tone until he was basically burnt skin and bones anyway.

He was so fucking weak now. It wouldn't last forever. He'd escape this hospital before he was discharged, before whatever "benefactor" showed up for whatever "purpose," he was suppose to serve now, as they had the medical debt over his head or was threatening his loved ones or whatever. If one didn't show up in the next week, he was losing his genre-savviness, because shitheads always wanted to claim shit, if it looked useful.

And Jason was used to looking useful, until he was no longer useful and they just didn't care. The amnesia made him less shiny, but Jason couldn't pull off the brain dead zombie imitation without actually being a brain dead zombie crawling up out of his grave.

So under the thin hospital sheets, Jason twitched his muscles.

Two weeks of emotional freak outs, watching the news, physical therapy and drugs Jason had had enough.

And he broke out.

----

Yeah, he regretted it almost immediately. Hard not to in the stupid paper gown, barefoot and bare ass.

Thankfully people were people, even with the plethora of meta humans he had seen, so it actually wasn't hard to find clothes. Someone left a hoodie in their car and Jason broke into said car. Put on the hoodie. Hotwired the car and drove off.

Somehow for being in the fucking future by two centuries and change, cars really hadn't changed. More evidence of Mystic Shit™ slamming him sideways.

He drove to the next town over, picked another direction, drove some more. Parked the car near what looked like a chop shop, negotiated the car for some money. He probably got ripped off, but better than nothing.

He walked to a corner store, bought some flip-flops after bullshitting an excuse that his had broken. First aid stuff. You know, for his feet. Hair dye in three different colors, because Rose Wilson could pick out a bad dye job at a hundred meters and so Jason learned how to dye his own hair properly so as to avoid her mockery, only to get mockery (affectionate) anyway.

It was a mix of instinct and lifelong observation that let him find an empty apartment quickly. He stole some sweatpants and passed out on the bed.

----

The thing is, Jason doesn't regret his crimes like Bruce thinks he ought to do, with a massive pity party and flaming self-hatred and punching criminals instead of shooting them. He hates the necessity of doing crimes, even if that crime is a net gain to society, but that's why all his serious crimes are premeditated. He's homicidal, not a psychopath.

Not Pit-mad either, no matter what the rest of them might have thought.

Again, he's homicidal, not a psychopath. And when he doesn't have to be some sort of costume soldier to be discarded by family for the disgrace of disfiguring the memory of a dead boy? He's actually chill and boring.

That is to say, he crashed at that apartment for three days, felt progressively more like himself, especially after the dye job -white hair all over, now a solid and boring black- but it still didn't change all the other issues the Mystic Shit™ inflicted on him.

This body isn't actually his. Too young, scars not right where the burns didn't fuck him over. Thankfully his existing coping mechanisms for dysphoria work and it's shoved to the side.

It's also a shit body. Not even a month out of a three year coma with inadequate -by his standards- of medical care. It's weak and building muscle to do everyday civilian shit, is going to take months to do. Pushing as hard as he did during the escape wrecked him the next three days. Jason may not know what's going to happen, but with his luck, it's going to suck and training is preparing to make it suck less. The only certainty he's got is that his skin or lack thereof is going to kill him from infection if he doesn't fix it.

He's got no legal identity here. Which basically puts him back onto familiar ground of legally dead.

Beyond the lack of paperwork, he's got a lack of funds. He also has no easy target to steal funds and equipment from, even just for fun.

For more disadvantages, he's in a different country, with different laws and a whole different culture. He would be climbing on board a fucking plane to Gotham, if it existed in this world, for some familiar ground.

He really is the unluckiest Robin. It also means he is also the most prepared Robin.

---

The first six months after waking up in this mockery world of heroics were the absolute worst.

He started at one foot in the grave and crawled out of it before the casket could really eat him alive. Jason had experience in casket busting. He didn't wanna repeat it.

He still didn't know who he was -in who was he inhabiting- but it wasn't like Jason had a lot to go on. 'His' quirk was thermo-manipulation, most obviously in the blue fire he could call to his hands but he could do some ice too; it was thanks to Duke's light and shadow manipulation that he had even tried for the duality. He had white hair. Presumably Japanese heritage but quirks had really erased or blurred a lot of racial lines. Also presumed dead and young.

Access to the Quirk Registry took some doing, but again, not everyone followed basic computer security, much less what it took to keep someone bat-trained out of their systems. Again, for nearly two centuries in the future, a lot of the technological development had stagnated. Searching through the Quirk Registry hadn't yielded any result but none of his other methods had struck anything either. And he had looked at the recently dead and/or presumed dead. Sure, he had some leads that looked viable, but he wasn't going to follow those up yet.

He had fixed a few of his most pressing issues the past six months. His ignorance of the local area, the local and national politics and so on. This world supported and had an entire industry catering to making child soldiers and sell their image and reputation to make money and more child soldiers that called themselves Heroes.

His weak ass body no long cried doing daily tasks and only hated him after working out. Yes, Jason was pushing it but he was well aware of how months of preparation could mean shit in the face of seconds.

His infection risk was severely reduced after quick research bender let him make the most generic knock-off brand of the skin restoration goop in a shitty homemade lab. Did it fix his skin being patchwork fucked in places? Some. He wasn't going to get feeling back properly, but at least he looked more normal. Maybe with enough moisturizing he might look a little less Frankenstien's monster.

He also had a cash inflow. It wasn't great, but it supported his apartment. And the second set of papers. And the 2nd apartment.

Which meant in grand old tradition for Jason, time for him to bounce to the next apartment and come up with a new name.

[lemonmatronics]

THE POPPY PLAYTIME CHAPTER 3 TRAILER IS SOOO!,?!.?.!.

What a great treat to wake up to—Excuse me while I go insane and spill some thoughts, reactions, theories, and predictions below please

ahem

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SO LIKE FIRST OFF this chapter is gonna fuck, like this looks SO good holy shit

The setting and environment looks amazing but also the new hands mechanic along with the mask ohhhh this is gonna be FUN

Okay rambling about screenshots I took time

First off the environments look great, holy wow

The house itself looks kinda small so idk if that is the orphanage itself or some kind of set. Cause you can see fake sky walls around it, but like this is Playtime Co they would definitely do that to the orphanage also to give an illusion of outside. Either way it looks GREAT and I’m really excited to explore this setting

Just a nice shot of all the critters

I’m really curious if all the critters are gonna be utilized somehow. We know about Catnap and Dogday already, especially after the trailer itself. Though there was also the footage of Bobby running down the hall, looking like a normal plushie, and possibly seeing Hoppy in the trailer too. (I’ll touch on that later)

New Poster

Definitely looks like some company propaganda to try and keep kids from being afraid of CatNap. Judging by the files we got before looks like the results were a mixed bag. Considering the gas is there in the poster it’s definitely a company only poster, not something they could sell outside. They manipulated this kids so bad man :(

A CLEANER LOOK OF THIS THING,,,

THATS A SKELETON COMING OUT OF PUGAPILLAR’S MOUTH…Like that’s just straight up human remains.

I don’t think we’ve ever seen that before in this game. Like blood yeah plenty but BONES? They’re definitely amping things up for this chapter and I’m 100% here for it.

Besides that there’s a ton of plushies and such stabbed onto this weird thing. Is it a shrine? It doesn’t look like it could really move tbh, and if it was meant to be alive those parts aren’t doing anything to help it.

This poor mf

I’ve seen a lot of people speculate this is DogDay, which is a valid guess, but tbh my first thought was Hoppy. You can tell they have long droopy ears, which lines up with both candidates to me. Though I think the ears look a bit slimmer than what Dog Day’d would be, plus the angle on the head looks more like they’re dropping from the top of the head rather than the sides. I feel like if this was DogDay the whole head silhouette would be different because of the ears, which makes me lean towards Hoppy more.

I know her toy gives her long pointed up ears, but going off art and animation her ears can definitely fold

So I don’t think it’s out of the question that as a Bigger Bodies being her ears could fold over like that, especially while stuck like this.

Now I could be the one wrong here but I really think this is Hoppy. Won’t know until the game itself though so, I won’t treat either as divinities yet. It could just as easily be the case everyone else is right and it is DogDay, there’s evidence for that as well (Again, I’ll touch on that later).

So much happened here where do I even start

Obvious out the bat I guess, Kissy Missy is back!! And looks like Poppy isn’t ditching us alone either! Man I cannot tell it Poppy is good or not at this point, gray area? Trailer dialogue definitely sounded like she was supporting us.

“We’re coming! Just hold on!”

It’s really nice seeing Kissy back, really excited to see how she’s gonna help and play into this. I’ve been on the stance that she’s good ever since she helped in chapter 2 so this is really cathartic for me lmao.

As for what Poppy says here I found it interesting, like really interesting. Like, hearing it the first time made me think she casually confirmed something massive interesting. Granted, actually thinking about it longer, it could mean something else entirely. But was that the whole point?

“What’s happening down here is bigger than all of us. I need you. So we can revenge on those monsters who’ve tortured you, who’ve tortured us.”

“Those monsters who’ve tortured you”

Now, once I thought about it this is most likely referring to the literal monsters in the factory. Huggy, Mommy, CatNap, so on and such. But that’s not what my initial assumption was.

When Poppy referred to “monsters”, by first thought was the people working at the factory. I thought she said people at the factory tortured us.

I thought she confirmed that we’re a toy.

Once I thought about it longer, it doesn’t actually confirm that. But what if that’s the entire point? A double meaning line?

Now the player being a toy theory is something that’s been around since chapter 1, a theory I’ve fully stood by since then and still do. I like to think that’s why our character is completely silent, we’re a toy that can’t speak. Mute toys is something we’ve seen plenty of in the factory, more so than toys that actually talk. (Unless you count stuff like the Smiling Critters cartoon or the cardboard cutouts, but I’m talking purely living beings here.)

So while this doesn’t confirm the theory, this line is definitely throwing wood into the fire for me.

DogDay

Wether or not the chained Bigger Body above us DogDay or Hoppy, we have it confirmed here that DogDay is featured heavily in this chapter as an enemy. Again, I really wonder if the other Smiling Critters will show up as threats as well. Maybe a mixed bag of good and bad critters. If the chained up Bigger Body is DogDay, I wonder why he chases us after we assumingely set him free.

One note I’ll give that is to evidence for the chained bigger body being DogDay is that in the thumbnail you can see a shackle on his wrist

His arms are also long and lanky, which is why I won’t completely rule out it possibly being him there. It’s just as possible that it is him, both feel very plausible to me.

Though looking at the game footage, I’m not sure if can can see anything on his wrists. Additionally his arms look much wider than the one in thumbnail.

Additionally, the DogDay in the thumbnail looks so much like a…mascot suit? You can see seams and stitches all over him. Even other Bigger Bodies don’t look like that. Which is something I wanna give its own post to to figure deeper on.

So is this even the same DogDay at all?

It’s not completely out of the question there could be multiple DogDays, though that begs the question, what about other Smiling Critters? What about other toys as a whole?

Here’s my prediction on it. One Bigger Bodies experiment, and then there’s smaller ones approximately the size of their normal toys.

I think the DogDay in the thumbnail is a result of the Bigger Bodies testing, and the one actually chasing us is just a smaller more “normal” DogDay.

But if that’s true then it begs the question, what about other critters? We’ve seen a smaller Bobby before, does she also have a Bigger Bodies version?

Do they all have a Bigger Bodies equivalent?

Is there still a normal CatNap?

Again, all speculation but this chapter especially is really tickling my brain.

And finally we’ve got the man of the hour

Man he is so much lankier than I thought he would be. That definitely explains why his face was so high up on that one cam footage though. Here I was thinking he’d be bulky!

There isn’t too much to say here other than CatNap is definitely gonna be an imposing threat, and I’m very excited to see him in game. So far we’ve mainly seen him through silhouettes, and light peeks at small portions of his design. Seeing him better is game is gonna be a thrill and I’m so ready for it!

Additionally, just for the sake of adding on, we’ve seen these posters apparently from overseas get spread around lately

Both of these definitely look like they’re meant to be company only posters, ones you’d find in the schooling and orphanage areas.

The left poster telling kids to go inside right away when recess is up, nothing super deep here. Just a peek at the schooling that had here, and that these kids had their lives completely contained within the factory.

The second poster is CatNap telling Huggy to go to sleep, another attempt at convincing children CatNap isn’t dangerous. If Huggy is fine they will be too, right?

Anyways that’s my initial thoughts and reactions right after watching the trailer. VERY excited about this game, it’s been awhile since I’ve been able to brainstorm on my own over a game like this so I’m really looking forward to what this chapter has to give.

[chuuyasheaven]

Hii! When I saw that you opened up a new event, I got so excited ong

I wanted to request fem!reader with dazai prompts 12 and 6. And can the reader be like a teasing, cocky person like dazai? Like he decides to punish her for being too cocky? Sorry if it’s too much, take your time and happy (late) Valentine’s Day love!

Prompt/Number: 6: “Brats don't get to cum, darling.” / “Let me hear your sweet moans, baby/Love.”

Summary: Dazai doesn't like being teased, so he'll fuck it into your head! <3

Warnings: Dom!Dazai, Sub!Fem!Reader, Brat taming (if you squint ig), Petnames (maybe like darling, angel, brat, slut, etc.), edging,, mentioned bondage, porn without plot, slight chocking, stuff i forgot!

Notes (from me): Consider it already done, darling! Also late Valentine's to you too!

All this because you decided to tease him.

Being tied up to prettily just for him to see.

How did this happen you may ask?

~

Today you showed up in a tight skirt, which Dazai loved.

But the problem was, well..

...you didn’t wear it for him.

“What do you think of this, Atsushi? Looks cute, right?”, Dazai observed Atsushi’s reaction to your dirty intentions.

“..Uhm- yeah, it looks good, [Name]! But isn’t it a little inappropriate for work?”, Atsushi answered your question, you giggled.

“Why, is that so? Then, Atsushi, how do you know? You must’ve looked somewhere else then.”, this made Atsushi all flustered out of embarrassment.

“N-no, it’s because- wouldn’t it be..i-i mean-”, “He’s right, [Name]. You can’t just show up to work like that? Also don’t accuse Atsushi of such behavior, will you?”, Kunikida backed up Atsushi.

Normally, Dazai would laugh, but he doesn’t.

Just as this conversation ended, Kunikida added another thing.

“Oh, and Atsushi, we need you for a mission right now.”, Atsushi responded with a confused tone in his voice.

“Wasn’t i partnered up with Ranpo?”, Ranpo pouted as he became part of the conversation.

“Yeah, Atsushi was supposed to be with me today! I can’t go alone.”, “Well, sorry Ranpo, but this is urgent.”

You saw this as a opportunity to get out of the agency, and decided to volunteer.

“I can go with you, Ranpo! I don’t have anything better to do.”, this angered Dazai even more.

~ Finally, you arrived in your shared apartment.

When you returned earlier to get your stuff in the agency, Dazai was already gone.

So you assumed seeing him at home.

But the apartment was empty.

You thought nothing of it, so you entered your bedroom ready to take off the damn skirt.

“Took you long enough to get home, Bella.”, you jumped when you heard Dazai’s voice.

“Dazai! Don’t scare me like that.”, Dazai just stared at you from the bed.

“Sorry, darling, didn’t mean to. But, i would like to address something.”

Dazai stands up, walking towards you now. For some reason it felt somewhat..unreal?

He kept walking until you had to take steps back. Dazai had yourself bump against the wall, cornering you in between him and the wall.

“Do you like attention, darling?”, you blinked a few times before answering the question.

“W-what? I mean, yeah, when it’s from you-”, Dazai looked into your eye, holding the eye contact.

“Well, i give you enough of that daily, isn’t that right?”, usually, he isn’t like this, something must’ve gotten into him.

Whatever that was, it’s so attractive.

“Y-yes, you do..”, now he was chuckling.

“Tell me, why did you come to work dressed like a attention hungry whore? Were you so desperate for not one, not two, but three other men’s attention?”, you didn’t know how to answer.

You weren’t attention hungry like Dazai meant, you just wanted to tease him back for all the time he did. Maybe..this was too much?

“No answer? This must mean you’re aware. Say, do you know how attention hungry whores get treated?”, weird, how did it get so hot suddenly?

“Oh, wait! I didn’t say it right, in other words, i assume you want me to fuck you like one.”, oh how right he was.

Suddenly you felt something against your neck, something cold..

“Is this what you want?”, Dazai questioned as he slightly put more pressure on his hand, the cold hand that was gently chocking you.

“I guess it is, i can feel you soaking up my knee, slut.”, he stated as he placed a knee against your clothed core.

Dazai smashed his lips on yours, his tongue entering yours, as you helplessly take it.

When you two parted again, Dazai gave you a command.

“Now, get onto the bed. And spread your legs while you’re at it too, yes?”, you followed his command, so you made your way towards the bed, spreading your legs slightly.

What happened, are you actually ashamed right now?

“You can open up way further, we both know that.”, Dazai kneeled down to face your cunt, he opened up your thighs further.

“There we go. Oh! You’re actually turned on by this? Such a whore, aren’t you?”, you just whimpered, making smirk.

Dazai presses a finger against your clothed clit, making you loose a moan.

Therefore he added more pressure and started rubbing it. This caused you to get wetter by each rub.

Embarrassed by this, you try to cover your mouth.

Trying to make you loose your sweet sounds, Dazai took off your already wet panties.

Blowing a little air to it, a moan slipped through your lips.

“Come on, why so shy, Bella? Let me hear your sweet moans, whore.”

Still, Dazai just received a muffled moan. Enough of it, he just gave your bare, wet pussy a lick.

Why wouldn’t you just listen? Well, this means Dazai has no other choice.

Getting up, he takes some of his bandages to tie your hands together.

After that, he just went down on you.

Eating you out like a starved man, making you loose your mind.

All this became to much-

“You’re squirming around, you must be close then, am i right?”, you just nodded.

Just when it almost happened, he cut you off, no, Dazai just cut off your orgasm.

“Brats don’t get to cum, darling. You should know this.”

Might write a part two for this! 😘

[lilgarbitch]

Running in Circles- Five

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader

CW: none?

Word Count: 9.5k

Author’s Note: I apologize for how ass this chapter might be. I had to cut it short and I’m a little too excited for what I have planned for future chapters, but needed to write a filler chapter to get everything in order. I hope you still like it though ❤️

Part Four

Y/N

It’s been a little over a week since Noah and I argued. Since Matt and I got super close. Since The Will Ramos reached out to me. And I truly couldn’t be more confused about my life.

Firstly, I would like to make up with Noah. I really would. But the universe and my mother made me the petty bitch I am today. We tried our best not to let the tension bother everyone else, which meant I still had to see him every time we all hung out. We just kept our distance. And I guess it was the fact that I was upset about it all, but he was getting on my nerves so easily now. I kept it to myself, but I still got annoyed every time he interrupted someone. Or he couldn’t control his lanky ass appendages and accidentally hit or kicked someone or something while moving around. I know it was because he was always on my mind, so I paid extra attention to him without even trying, but that, mixed with the ruminating feelings I dealt with after being so disrespected, was just a disaster for my mood most days. 

Tommy did his best to support me, him being one of the only ones I told everything to. I left Tony and Cam in the dark, mainly just saying that we had a little fight because I couldn’t do that to them. They didn’t need to be in the middle of something like this. And everyone else treated me fine, so I’m not sure who Noah talked to. Matt said that he hadn’t said anything to him, but at the same time, I do believe that Noah may be a little too irritated with him to speak to him at the moment. 

Speaking of Matt, that’s point number two. Matt and I have stayed close. We started going on little friend dates whenever we had time, checking out places in the cities we visited. We mainly just went out for ice cream, as we enjoyed that little tradition we started, but occasionally we found places that said they were “The Best Hotdogs in the World” or “World Famous Onion Rings.” We even joked that we should start our own ‘Flavor Town’ podcast or something. We just liked being able to try out things with someone we considered an extension of ourselves. It felt like a mix of being able to try out new things by yourself, just not entirely alone. It was a little exaggerated, but finding someone so…you, was such an amazing feeling. 

That resulted in everyone eventually pulling a full-on interrogation on us, asking if we were dating, or at least hooking up, which we just laughed at and repeated responded with a pointed “Fuck no!” I couldn’t tell you if that news had reached Noah or not, as he was starting to give us both the silent treatment. Matt said he was okay with it, that it wasn’t nearly as bad as when he picked Folio’s side in an argument a while back. I did feel like I was getting in between brothers, but with the reassurance from Matt and enough “fuck that guy”s from Tommy, I knew it wasn’t that bad. 

Now onto Will. We’ve actually been keeping in touch. He was hilarious, and I truly couldn’t wait to meet him. We’ve mainly just sent memes (because I accidentally sent one to him instead of Cam once, and it just became normal) and vocal exercise videos back and forth, but there were still a few chats filled with compliments about each other’s voices and bands. There was no rush to meet him, especially with me touring and him dealing with his own tight schedule. We could barely even catch each other’s texts unless it was a night where we were both staying up super late, him usually working on music and me dwelling on thoughts and writing more lyrics. But I was still enjoying having him as an online friend. Maybe I’ll work up the courage to Facetime him like he asked, saying it could be a little online vocal session. I would love his help, but I’m still not convinced he was even talking to me.

Another crazy thing I learned is that we were all going to spend our week break in Los Angeles. Our L.A. show magically landed on October 29th (we all know that Noah and the boys had some input on this), and from the 30th to the 5th, we were all going to be staying here. If you asked me, I’d say it was a little selfish for Noah to have his birthday off this tour but not Ruffilo, but they also spoke about it being a holiday, so I guess I could understand. The Bad Omen’s boys wouldn’t shut up about being able to be in their own bed again. They even invited all of us to stay with them, Cam and Tony immediately taking them up on their offer. Tommy said he’d think about it, mainly because I was adamant about just booking myself a hotel. I know once I tell Tommy that I was okay and for him to just have fun, he’d immediately jump on the offer as well. And truthfully, I needed a hotel room to myself. The boys and I have lived together for coming up on four years, and the chances of me ever being alone in that house were slim to none. I do kind of wish we could head back home to New York for the break, but I knew the boys wanted to party with the rest of them. I even debated on heading back to Louisiana and spending time with family and old friends, but I knew I would get “wish you were here”s and constant updates of everything I was missing out on. So alone time in a hotel was my best option, and I honestly couldn’t be that mad. 

We had a few more shows before our L.A. one, but I already had everything planned out. The hotel room was booked, me spending a pretty penny on a nice one so I could have as much R and R as possible. I did some research on places I wanted to check out, whether it be alone or with my boys- who now included Matt. And I even had a possible outfit picked out if I did decide to go to the Halloween/ Birthday Bash. Apparently, Noah hated mixing the two, which I completely understood, but they decided they just had to do it this once since they wanted to host a giant mid-tour party. Maybe if I get drunk enough or find a way to stay away from Noah at all costs, I could be okay with going. 

We were now on our way to the next show, and I was just sitting in the back of the bus, listening to music. I’ve been in constant debate on whether my emotions could take over and I could bum out on some of these shows, or if I should look as hot as I possibly could, letting ‘you know who’ feel bad. But with the break coming up very soon, I decided that going all out was the obvious choice, and I could let the feelings take over the second I reached my own privacy. 

I knew that it wasn’t my clothing choice that made Noah treat me like I was a whore, but even if it was, I was sure as hell dressing like a whore now to shove it in his face. I constantly had as many of my tattoos on display as possible. I’d wear jackets to and from the venues and arenas just so I could wear a low-cut top on stage. I haven’t worn a pair of pants on stage once, only skirts and shorts, some even showing a little under cheek. And I can’t lie, I have been feeling so good about myself since I started doing this. The boys have given me many compliments, and even the crowd has started to notice. I had girls comment on my and my band’s posts, asking for outfit details, and even a few guys said they enjoyed seeing me feeling good in my body. Yes, there was hate and a lot of sexual comments, but that wasn’t new, and I never cared about it anyway. 

Today, I had on an outfit I felt super proud of. I wore a bra with a corset underneath, lining up perfectly to look like a full shirt, this cute skirt with buckles and metal rings going down it, some thigh highs with garters attached at the top, and my old reliables- platform boots. My neck, chest, and arm tattoos were on full display, and I felt fucking good. Maybe it was the feeling of petty revenge, maybe it was knowing the compliments I’d get, or maybe it was just that I’d compliment myself if I saw her walking down the street. All I knew was I had reached a point of confidence that I never wanted to return from. 

We finally pull up to the venue, and I turn off my music and got ready to head out. The boys and I all pile out of the bus and head towards the venue, now having gotten into a good routine of checking the place out if we got here first. 

As we walked up, I noticed that there was a group of people already waiting in front of the venue, and the confidence had my body moving before I could even think about what I was going to do next. I informed the boys that I would be right back and walked through the venue towards the front. I finally ran into some security and asked them if it was alright if they joined me while I met some fans. Some said they’d call more over since they didn’t want to deal with all of that right now, but eventually, I had four security guys walking me out the venue's front doors. 

Within an instant, there was a chorus of screams, and all I could do was smile. Two of the guys made sure everyone stayed in line, and the other two followed me towards the fans. I knew they weren’t all there for me, so I only talked to the ones who looked like they were almost in tears. 

I didn’t even think of bringing a pen or marker, but thankfully, some fans always came prepared. I signed whatever they asked, most being random body parts, as this was not a normal thing for me to do, so most were as unprepared as I was. I took so many pictures that my cheeks were starting to hurt, but I didn’t care because the looks on their faces as I spoke to them overpowered any discomfort. I even took a few videos, greeting people who couldn’t make it or wishing people happy birthdays. One guy even Facetimed his girlfriend, who had to give up her ticket since she was sick, so I talked to her for a few minutes. I learned that her name was Dahlia (which I obviously complimented) and that he was Austin. She said she was a huge fan and apologized for looking bad, but I just told her that she looked beautiful, because she did. She was almost in tears as we ended our talk, and once the call was over, I asked the guy to write her username on something so I could shoot her a message later. His eyes widened as he wrote it down on a random piece of paper he had, and said that it meant the world to him that I cared, and that the only reason he came here instead of staying with her was because she forced him to, with the job of recording as much as he could. With a pout, I gave him a hug, whispering in his ear that I may be able to get my hands on future tickets for them, but he has to keep it a secret, to which he nodded with his eyes wide and the brightest smile on his face. I need to do this more.

I spent a good twenty more minutes chatting with fans, becoming close with a few more of them, before having to head back inside, not wanting to force the security guards to deal with too much. I thanked everyone in security who was there for everything they did, between this and dealing with the crazy crowds during shows. They all responded in their own stoic way, wanting to keep their tough persona. But one asked for a picture, saying his wife was a fan, which warmed my heart. After that, I headed back to the boys. 

Once I reached everyone, I saw that the other group had shown up while I was gone, so I said my greetings before sitting down and waiting for soundcheck. Matt usually worked with crew during this time, only occasionally popping in if he had the chance, and the rest of the guys just did whatever, generally acting like idiots until we had to get to business. Cam and I started doing our warmups on the bus; that way, in case we were ever late to a show (like we were a few days back because of an accident on the road), we wouldn’t waste any time. So all I really did now was play on my phone or help out crew if they let me. 

I pulled out the piece of paper, opening my phone, and typing Dahlia’s username into Instagram. I didn’t follow her just yet, wanting to get my secret message across first so she didn’t freak out when she saw the follow.

Y/N- Hi, love! Before I say anything, I just wanna let you know that what I’m doing is slightly forbidden ;) So if we could keep this between us, that would be great❤️ Austin gave me your user and I just thought you were so sweet and I felt so bad that you couldn’t make it so I wanted to know if there was another show you could possibly make it to. Hell, I’ll even buy plane tickets if I have to. 

She almost instantly read it, and I waited for a response. It took a few minutes, as she was probably freaking out a little bit, but I finally saw that she sent a message.

Dahlia- Stop I think I might cry. You really don’t have to do this. I can just catch you guys the next time you come out here. 

Y/N- Oh stop❤️ Pick a show sometime in the future where you’ll be available and healthy. I’ll get you two tickets, unless you want to bring more, and anything else you need.

Dahlia- Two is enough!! If someone wants to join me, I’ll just kick Austin out of the plans since he’s the lucky one who gets to see you today. 

Y/N- 😂 If you say so. Look over the tour dates and let me know the perfect date for you, and I got you covered, okay?

After some reassurance that it was indeed not a big deal, she eventually decided on one of our shows in a few days since it was a drivable distance. I worried that she might not be feeling better by then, but she let me know she was already feeling better, she just didn’t want to risk spreading anything. I asked once more if she needed anything, like a hotel room, but she assured that she could cover everything else and that she felt that I was doing enough by getting her these tickets. After chatting for a while, I noticed that it was almost time for soundcheck, so I told her to rest and thank Austin for getting videos tonight. 

I felt eyes on me as I put my phone away, looking up to see Noah staring at me with a look I couldn’t quite distinguish. Then I realized that I had a big smile on my face as I was texting, and he probably immediately got jealous since that was his favorite thing to do now. I ignored him and stood up, walking past everyone and down to where I assumed Matt would be. Once I saw that signature long hair and cap, I walked over with a smile on my face. 

“Hey Matty, are you busy?” I asked, trying to sound as sweet as possible, holding my hands in front of me so he couldn’t say no to me. He turned to me and smiled but then eyed me suspiciously. 

“What do you have planned?” He already knew me too well.

“I was wondering…If we had any tickets and backstage passes left for the show on the 29th?” I tried not to break from the sweet persona I put on. I did this anytime I wanted him to grab me water or take me for ice cream late at night, and he could never say no.

He rolled his eyes playfully, not actually annoyed, just pretending like he hated that I was giving him extra work to do.

“I guess I’ll check. What for?” 

“Well, I went out early and met a couple of fans, and one of them was this guy who was forced to come alone because his girlfriend was sick. She and I ended up talking, and I just felt so bad because she really wanted to come but didn’t want to spread anything, so I wanted to buy them future tickets and passes. She was so sweet, Matt. I just felt so bad,” I pouted as I finished speaking. He groaned. 

“God, you’re too nice, dude. Okay. I’ll check when I get the chance. We usually always have extra tickets just in case one of us needs them, but I have to see if they’re still available and if that’s even a date where we’re doing a meet and greet.” He jokingly looked at me like I was evil for being nice, making me laugh. 

“So, I may or may not have convinced her to pick a date that had a meet and greet after without telling her…so I did one of the jobs for you!” I said with a cheeky smile, making him shake his head, chuckling. 

“Alright, then we’ll talk later about the tickets, now go before you’re late for soundcheck,” He commanded as he shooed me away. I gave him a quick side hug before turning to head backstage.

I was maybe a little too giddy about the whole situation, so I skipped with a giant smile as I went back. I got a few looks from the guys when I entered the room, but I ignored them as I sat back down on the couch, probably looking a little insane as I giggled to myself while waiting for soundcheck.

The show was super fun. I was in a good mood the whole time and made sure to show it. I saw Austin in the crowd, and even though I felt a little bad for everyone else since I may be favoring them a little too much today, I let him pick our cover song. He said that he loved the Lorna Shore cover that I did, so he asked if I could do another. Thankfully, the boys had been practicing a lot since that day, convincing me that maybe we could upload a real cover of one of their songs somewhere in the future. They all really enjoyed ‘Sun//Eater,’ so they mainly practiced it. We obviously didn’t have a rhythm guitarist and had only been practicing for a week, so we got the crew to play the instrumental as we all performed the song, wanting to give the crowd a full experience. Everyone went crazy once again. Sadly, Tony and Cam were too busy playing to be able to control the crowd again, but everyone still had an amazing time. 

Everyone was now back on the busses. We didn’t have to leave for a few hours, so most of the boys were hanging out on the Bad Omen’s bus. Jolly came by a few minutes ago, asking if I wanted to join a few of them as they ran to the store, apparently stealing Matt’s van to do so. I said ‘no,’ not knowing who exactly was going (and not wanting to ask) and also because I was once again enjoying the privacy I had as everyone else was hanging out somewhere else. 

I had my laptop playing Adventure Time in the background as I played on my phone. I liked playing games like solitaire or sudoku when I had the chance, it being nice to exercise the mind while entertaining myself at the same time. Then, I heard footsteps walking up the bus stairs, making me snap my focus to whoever it was. Matt sauntered into view with a smile on his face. 

“Two tickets for the 29th secured,” he said, handing them over to me. I gave him a wide smile. 

“Were there no backstage passes?” I asked, a little worried.

“No, there were, but you owe me something in exchange.” I rolled my eyes and laughed.

“And what would that be?” 

“Join me on a ride to pick up some candy,” He responded with a childish grin. 

“I would..but Jolly stole your van.” His face immediately fell as he let out a loud groan before laughing.

“That asshole!” He trudged over and plopped down onto the couch next to me. 

“Cam definitely has a stash around here somewhere,” I giggled out. He turned to me with puppy dog eyes, making me laugh more as I stood.

I looked through Cam’s stuff for a few minutes, checking all his hiding spots, before finding a stash of sweets hidden under all his clothes in his suitcase. I returned to Matt, handing them to him, before sitting back down. He gave me a giddy smile as he began opening up a bag of Sour Patch Kids. I laughed as he shoved his face before going back on my phone. We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, me playing on my phone and him watching the show as he packed his mouth full of candy. 

“So, I have to ask,” He said, mouth slightly full, breaking my attention from my game, “What’s your plan with all this shit with Noah?”

“Well, I’m still upset, and it’s honestly been really easy to ignore him and piss him off by ignoring him, so…” I trailed off with a smirk on my face.

“So you’re gonna keep pissing him off til he apologizes.” He laughs.

“Bingo.”

“Y/N, how do you expect him to even want to apologize when all you’re doing is making him mad?” I give him a smirk.

“By looking hot all the time,” I responded with a wink. His head dropped back with a loud laugh. 

“I mean, you got me there.” He shook his head in disbelief as I giggled. 

“It’ll be okay, though. The last thing I need right now is a relationship. I’m on my first tour with a major band. I’m gonna be working on my vocals more. I’m gonna try to meet more fans. I’m making memories with everyone that truly matters to me. Hell, this is the first time in years that I haven’t been actively yearning over someone! Tommy told me that I needed to live a little, so that’s exactly what I’m gonna do,” I rambled. Matt nodded as I spoke, giving me a proud look. 

“Maybe I need to be a slut for a little while! I went so long without sex, that now that I got that under my belt, I feel so good about myself!” I finished. Matt loudly snorted before he dropped his head into his hands, laughing. 

“I mean, no one’s holding you back. If you truly want to focus on yourself, you get to decide what’s best for you. So fuck it, have some fun.” He said, still laughing, making me giggle with him. 

“Thank you for supporting my bad decisions, it means a lot,” I giggle out, patting his shoulder.

The next few days went well. I was thriving in my new headspace. The confidence flowed into every performance I did. I continued to sneak out and meet fans if I had the chance. I was constantly getting tagged in pictures online, either from the fans themselves or story outlets talking about me and the new energy I was giving off. And I looked good in every photo. There was even a little thought in the back of my head, saying that this was the perfect payback since I spent so long seeing Noah all over these pages. 

Since it was the 29th, our last show before the break, I decided to go a little extra and put together a costume. Well, more like throwing together my usual clothes and just adding clown makeup. I had a cute ruffled dress on and just tossed on some ruffled socks underneath a pair of boots. I didn’t think of doing this until last night, so it wasn’t like I could stop anywhere for extra clown accessories. As wild as I dress, you’d think I would maybe have some, but sadly, I did not. 

I put extra effort into my makeup and hair, though, really wanting to pull the look together. It was nothing special, but I needed it to look as clownish as possible. I even teased my hair and split it into pigtails. Personally, I looked like a hot clown, and that’s all that mattered.

We were now at the arena, and I was sitting in the back, texting Dahlia. We’ve been chatting over the past few days and I honestly couldn’t wait to finally meet her. I told her to let me know when she was here and that I would meet up with her to give her the tickets. I finally got a “pulling up now” text and giggled, standing up.

“Dude, your laugh is even creepier when you’re dressed like that,” Ruffilo said from across the room. I turned to him and laughed before giving him my creepiest smile, it being extended by the overdrawn smile I did. His face, along with Jolly, who was now watching, contorted into a look of humored terror, making me giggle more. 

Once again overly excited, I skipped to one of the side doors of the building and walked out, wanting to tell security that they were allowed. I texted Dahlia the directions and waited until I could see her and Austin walk into view. Then, I remembered something.

Y/N- Oh, just warning you. I look like a clown. 

I see her looking down at her phone and laugh before typing a response.

Dahlia- I bet you look fantastic.

Austin finally sees me and taps her to get her attention. They both see me and laugh as they try to close the distance faster. 

“You weren’t kidding! You actually look like a clown,” She said before turning to Austin and hitting his shoulder, “ I told you I should’ve dressed up.” 

I laugh and give her a hug, trying my best to not get any makeup on her, and then turn and give Austin a side hug, telling him that I was happy to see him again. 

“I’m so happy to finally meet you! I was worried that you wouldn’t wanna come!” I said.

“Meet me? Shut up, I cried when you texted me! And now here I am, talking to you!” I sheepishly waved her off, smiling. 

“Oh yeah, take these before I forget.” I hand her the two tickets and backstage passes. She smiles as she looks at them, but when she hands Austin his ticket, her eyes land on the passes, and she stares up at me in disbelief. 

“Nuh uh! Dude! You didn’t have to!” She exclaimed. Austin peaked over, trying to see what she was freaking out over, and once he saw the passes, he gave me the same shocked face, making me giggle. 

“Show these to security after the show, and you can come hang out with us backstage. We still had a lot left, so you may be the only ones.” They looked at me with the widest, most shocked smiles before giving me a big hug. I laughed and hugged them back. 

“What the fuck! You really didn’t have to do this!” Austin exclaimed. 

“Of course I did. You two are some of the sweetest people I’ve met, and I would be so sad if I couldn’t spend time with you after all of this.” I look over at Dahlia, and she had tears welling up in her eyes.

“Oh no! Don’t! Your makeup is too cute to ruin.” I say with a pout, moving to hold her face.

“This is just so sweet of you. Last week, I was hunched over a toilet, feeling like death, and now I’m about to meet Praising Deities.” She sniffled as she spoke, and I choked out a dry sob.

“So let today be a good day for you! No more tears. Go enjoy the music, and then come around, and we can hang out for a while. And remember, we’re nothing special, so don’t overthink it, okay?” She nodded, hooking a finger to try to wipe an eye without ruining her makeup.

I gave her and Austin one last hug before telling them to get in line and that I’ll see them soon. We split to go our separate ways, and I returned to the group. I hadn’t told anyone other than Matt that I was doing this, so I rounded up my band to let them know what was happening.

“Okay, so two very special fans are gonna come see us after the show, and I need you boys on your best behavior. Actually, just be you. I don’t want you guys putting on some weird celebrity personas because I want these two to feel as comfortable as possible, okay?” I told the three boys. They gave me a confused look but nodded anyway. Tony asked why they were so special, so I just explained the story to them, and they all immediately understood. They were sweet boys, so they started talking about things they could do to make this a fun night, and I couldn’t help but smile. 

We had just finished most of our set. Some of the crowd also dressed up for the holiday, so I really enjoyed connecting with them, calling them by their costumes, letting them know that I saw and appreciated the effort. 

It was now time for the ‘Fan’s Choice’ song. I truly loved doing these. The boys and I have practiced so many songs over the years, all of us having such a broad music taste, so it was rare that someone picked a song that we didn’t already have perfected. They usually chose popular rock or metal songs, with someone occasionally trying to catch us by choosing a more pop song, but most of the time, we had it in the bag. 

Tonight, since Dahlia and Austin were super close to the stage, I gave it to them again. I know. I was being biased again, but after talking with Dahlia the past few days, I knew she had an amazing taste in music, and I really wanted to see what she would pick. 

I talked to the crowd for a minute, explaining what was happening, just in case they didn’t know. They all cheered like usual, hearing that we were going to perform something fun. My eyes landed on Dahlia, and I smirked. I walked towards the side of the stage she was in front of and crouched down. 

“You, pretty lady. What song should we sing tonight?” I asked. She looked at me shocked and Austin just chuckled next to her. She thought for a moment before walking closer to the stage, so I held the mic out for her to speak into. 

“I’ve always wanted to hear ‘End of Time’ live, but since it’s an old song of yours, you never played it.” I looked at her a little shocked. This might’ve been the first time someone asked us to play one of our own songs during this part of the show. I brought the mic back to my lips. 

“Wow. I haven’t played that song in so long. Honestly, that’s an amazing choice.” I stood back up and moved back to center stage and put the mic back in the stand before speaking again. 

“So, who’s all excited to hear an old song of ours?” I shouted towards the crowd. They all cheered back, making me smile. Who knows if they actually know the song and are just cheering for the fun of it, or if any actually wanted to hear this? I looked back at my band and saw that they either had shocked or excited faces. 

“You ready, boys? You still remember how to play this?” I asked them through the mic. I watched as Tommy looked over his guitar as if working the chords back into his memory. Cam was the most excited, always loving our classics from when we formed the band, and Tony just looked happy to be there, like he always did. 

Tommy starts us off. We didn’t have any backup vocals to play so I just stood a little far from the mic to hum the beginning. Then, Cam came in right on time. I swear he could store any song and its timing in his head, always playing it perfectly. Tony joined in when he got the hang of it again, and it truly brought back so many memories of playing this on dingy little stages at random venues. With a bright smile, I started singing.

You’ve built your life

Above the sin

You hold my hand

Before the end comes

The crowd was going wild, singing along. Holy fuck, they actually knew the words. I did my best to keep my composure, but I truly couldn’t hold back my smile as I sang along with everyone. 

‘Cause I belong to you

‘Cause I am part of you

I am dying in your arms

It’s time to go

I can’t make it through 

Tony steps towards his mic to sing his part. I look back and officially lose any restraint. This brought back memories I didn’t even know I held. Practicing in Cam’s garage. Us learning that Tony actually had an amazing voice and that we needed to add it in as much as possible. The excitement when we first perfected our own song. My lip quivered as I fought back tears.

I’ve come to realize 

Tonight my dear

The end of time

Is not so far away

We cannot pray 

To save our lives

I looked back at the crowd as he sang and felt the tears finally well up in my eyes. The faces I could see were all singing along with him. I’ve never gotten to see so many people sing this song. And they all sang along with him. Tony told us that playing and singing at the same time was a struggle, so we stopped adding solo parts for him. However, watching all these people join in with him made me realize that I didn’t care. I needed all my boys to join me in future songs. 

I sang a few more lines, keeping my voice as still as possible, not letting too much emotion flow through. I look over at Dahlia and Austin and see them singing their hearts out, looking into each other’s eyes with the utmost love as they serenade each other. She requested their song. This song was their love song. 

Tony joined in again as we sang a few lines and I could no longer hold back the tears. 

As I belong to you

My flesh and blood in you

I am burning in this fire

It’s time to go

I can’t make it through 

I was a bawling clown on a stage in front of thousands of people as I finished the song. I did my best to hold back from my voice quivering, but it didn’t help much. Once it was over, I had to turn away from the crowd to try and collect myself as they all cheered. I tried my hardest to control my breathing and ugly crying face before turning back around. 

“You guys..” I started, a pout forming on my lips, “ We haven’t performed that song since we played at crappy little stages in New York when we decided that we wanted to pursue music together.” I had to stop and choke back a sob. 

“I didn’t realize how many memories singing that would bring me. That whole time, all I saw in my head was a montage of the four of us practicing in Cam’s crappy little garage.” I heard Cam shout an offended ‘Hey!’ making me laugh out a sob.

“And to see all of you singing it. Dude. You guys knew the lyrics! I watched so many of you sing along to Tony’s part, and I just couldn’t hold it back anymore. And now I’m standing here, in front of so many of you, sobbing in a clown costume!” This made a lot of them laugh, but I saw a few people wiping their eyes, feeling the emotion I was pouring out in my speech. 

“Fuck, let me settle down and we can finish this, okay?” And they all cheered in response. 

I had just finished wiping off the makeup that had been ruined by my crying. The boys and I had an emotional chat after we got off stage, reminiscing on everything and discussing how to bring that love back into our future music. We may all have shed a few more tears, but after a big group hug, we went and got ready to meet some fans as the other band performed their set.

I had gotten a text from Dahlia earlier, apologizing for making me emotional, but I immediately shut it down and thanked her profusely for helping bring back so much nostalgia. 

We were now waiting for the other group to get ready for the small meet and greet. I had changed my outfit earlier, being so emotional making me want to be a little comfier. I still wanted to look good since fans might’ve wanted to take pictures, so I threw in a cute tank top with my cardigan over it and some shorts and fixed my makeup, putting on something more normal, so I wasn’t sitting here looking like a sad clown as I spoke with everyone. 

Matt led a few fans through once everyone came out, changed, and refreshed. They decided to do this in groups to make it easier on us, and I made sure to tell Matt to put Dahlia and Austin in the last group. 

The eight of us talked to a bunch of fans, signing anything they asked and taking a bunch of pictures. We chatted as much as we could, getting to share stories and answer any questions before the next group came through. This went on for a while, my hands getting a little tired from signing, but every new face that I saw, excited to meet me, made it all better. 

Finally, the last group was coming through, and I got a little too excited seeing Dahlia and Austin walk through the door. I did my best to stay in my spot and talk to the people that came before them, but once it was their turn, I squealed and pulled them both into a tight hug. 

“I missed you guys!” I confessed.

“You just saw us in the crowd an hour ago,” Austin laughed out.

“I don’t care. I was too excited to see you that I couldn’t wait any longer.” I said.

“I do have to say, I still am really sorry for requesting that song. I didn’t think it would be so emotional,” I just shook my head at Dahlia’s words.

“Watching the two of you sing along was enough of an apology as I need. That was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m so happy you two love that song.” I gushed. Then I realized people were staring and remembered where I was. I turned to the group of boys in the room and rolled my eyes at myself, feeling dumb for forgetting. 

“Guys, this is Dahlia and Austin,” I introduced them, “Dahlia and Austin, this is guys!” I held my hand out like I was presenting something, making Dahlia laugh. 

They all introduced themselves personally, and I could see the two internally freaking out as they met everyone, and it was just adorable. Since they were the last two, I figured it was okay that they could stay for a while. 

We all hung out, chatting about anything that came to our minds. The couple told everyone how much they loved their music. We learned that Austin played the bass, so he, Tony, and Ruffilo hit it off pretty well. Dahlia and I chatted with Tommy about things other than music, with others pitching their opinions at points. Overall, they became acquainted very well. 

The boys started talking about wanting to finally head back to their house, so we decided to cut the night short. We found out that Dahlia, Austin, and I were all staying at the same hotel, so we agreed that I could ride with them. Tommy asked me many times if I was alright with him staying with the guys, and every single time, I responded that I wanted nothing more than a hotel room to myself. He eventually accepted my answer, and we started getting ready to head out. 

I grabbed all my shit from the tour bus that I needed for the week, apologizing to the couple for having so much stuff, but they repeatedly said that it was nothing, that they understood that I was quite literally living on a bus. Once I had all my important things in their car, I gave my boys a hug, telling them that I’ll text them that I was safe when I got there, I waved to the other group, and the three of us headed off to the hotel. 

Austin drove and Dahlia felt bad that I was stuck in the backseat by myself, so she sat with me. She was so sweet I couldn’t take it. I got to talk to Austin more, finally having the chance to speak to both of them privately, and it was really nice getting to know them and making new friends. At one point in the drive, Dahlia leaned over. 

“Okay, so this might not be my place to ask, and I’m so okay with you saying it’s private, but the gossip in me has to know because I was seeing some crazy signals tonight. What’s going on between you and Noah?” She whispered, almost like she didn’t want Austin to hear. I just laughed. 

“Honestly, I desperately needed a girl friend to gossip with, so I’m all for spilling the juicy deets as long as you both promise to keep it a secret.” She looked at me and immediately nodded, motioning like she was zipping her lips. 

We spent the rest of the ride gossiping. I told her almost everything that happened. I didn’t dive too deep into how long I liked him and the whole festival and magnetic attraction thing, but I told her how I had liked him for a while. I mentioned the ‘talk’ which made both of them laugh, I guess having been there before. Then I mentioned the night at the bar, to which they both gasped, and I just nodded. Austin helped give a lot of insight into what could be running through Noah’s head, which was nice. I never had anything against someone playing devil’s advocate, especially if it helps me gain perspective on a situation. But Dahlia took my side every step of the way, even saying some things Tommy had said, which made me laugh. I know it was dumb of me to talk to people I met not too long ago about such juicy things, especially them initially being fans of both of our bands. Hell, I was dumb enough to even get in their car, but something in me told me that I could trust them.

We finally reached the hotel and unloaded everything. Austin was a sweetheart and helped carry some of my stuff, which I greatly appreciated. We continued our chats as we got our rooms set up, none of us fully able to pay attention or stop laughing at something one of us said. I didn’t want the night to end, and apparently neither did they. As we were heading towards the elevator, Dahlia stopped and asked if I wanted to head to their hotel room and continue the night, to which I obviously agreed. God, if I were in a horror movie right now, I’d for sure be dead, but fuck it, I’m having fun, and I really enjoy talking to them. 

I told them that I was going to get all my stuff into my room and then I’d meet them at theirs, and that’s where I was now, sitting in their hotel room as we just cackled the night away. I had sneakily stopped at the front desk before heading to their room and got them to switch everything of theirs to my card, and ordered some sparkling wine to be sent up as room service. I just felt so bad; they had to get this hotel room last minute, it being the only option left that was close enough to the venue, and it was quite pricey. I already felt like I was intruding on what could’ve been a beautiful date for them, so I still wanted to make their night the best it could be. 

Room service eventually came with the wine, and they still didn’t catch on to what I had done, so I was leaving it to be a secret for the morning. We just sat around the room, sipping wine and talking about anything. Dahlia truly felt like the girl friend I always wanted. Hell, the one I needed. Tommy was an amazing friend, always there for me, and the best friend that I could ask for, but he was still a man. And that came with so many frustrations that wouldn’t happen with Dahlia. 

We learned so much about each other as the night went on and the drunker we got. I learned that they met at a concert in college, bonding over their music taste, and even while they were still friends, they made concerts their tradition to do together. They tried finding as many bands as they could, always wanting to expand their music taste, and that’s how they found Praising Deities when we were still a small band. Apparently, this was the first tour they could actually make it to since it was our largest one, and they were ecstatic that it was with another band they both liked. It’s crazy how life works out sometimes. 

I told them the band’s history and answered any other questions they had. Some were even super fangirly, but I would just laugh and answer anyway, knowing exactly how it was. I mean, the boys and I were literally touring with a band that we had been fans of for years, so it didn't affect me that I was becoming friends with people who were fans of me for years. 

I woke up and looked around the room, confused. I went to sit up and realized I had fallen asleep on a hotel chair. Looking around the room, I see Austin awake, on his phone, and Dahlia passed out next to him. I don’t even remember falling asleep, but it must have been late because Dahlia and I were up long after Austin fell asleep. 

I yawn and stretch, feeling a soreness in my neck from the uncomfortable sleeping position I was in. Austin looked over at me, and I just laughed out a ‘good morning,’ knowing I probably looked like a mess. 

“What time is it?” I quietly asked him, not wanting to wake Dahlia. 

“Almost ten. We should probably start packing up soon, but I figured you two stayed up late, so I was gonna wait for you two to wake up,” He replied, getting up to start getting everything ready. They really didn’t unpack last night, only to change into pajamas and brush their teeth. That’s when I realized I was still in my outfit from last night, which made me chuckle a little. 

I walked into their bathroom to make sure I looked sane. Thankfully, my makeup was practically unscathed, mainly because I redid so late last night and then slept on a goddamn chair, but my hair was a mess. I did what I could with my hands and a little water to smooth it out before heading back to where they were. 

Dahlia was now awake, and when we made eye contact, we just burst out laughing. The entire time we spent together was either talking or laughing, and it felt unbelievable to have such a good time. I felt like a normal human. I just had a sleepover with another girl, spending the whole night gossiping, giggling, and drinking. I don't want them to leave. But I do need to spend this break with a little time by myself, so maybe I can head down to see them sometime in the future because I’m really going to miss this.

“Okay, everything’s packed up. We cleaned up the mess we made last night. Uhhhh…” Dahlia trailed off, listing everything she had to do before they were ready to leave. All I could do was pout.

They had everything ready and I told them I’d walk them down, wanting to spend as much time with them as possible, but it was also so I could be there to see their faces when they realized I paid for it all. 

We all stepped out of the elevator and walked to the front desk. Austin started talking to the worker, making sure everything was together so they could check out. 

“And all of that is going onto the card of Y/N Y/L/N, correct?” The receptionist asked. Austin went to correct him but paused and turned to me with a stunned look on his face. I just giggled before answering for them.

“Yes, that’s the one.” The receptionist nodded, and I walked forward, giving them any information they needed. He handed me the paper with all the information on it, and I just handed it to Austin with a smile. They both had the most shocked look that I couldn’t hold back my laughter.

“How did you..?” Dahlia started.

“Before I came to your room last night.”

“And all that champagne..” Austin continued.

“It was easier to get room service to your room if I just added my card to your room,” I shrugged like it was nothing.

“You little shit,” Dahlia said before pulling me into a hug. I hugged her back tight as I giggled. 

“You guys made yesterday such a good day for me, and I felt so bad for intruding on what should’ve been a cute date for you two, so I had to give you a gift in return.”

“But the tickets!” She said.

“Those ended up being free. So I knew I still had to do something.” 

“I swear if we get back home and there’s a new car or a goddamn pony in our driveway, I’m gonna kick your ass,” Austin joked. I just shook my head and laughed. 

“This is the end of my gifts for now. But I am really gonna miss you guys, so I’ll let you know when we have another break on tour, and I’ll make plans to come see you, okay?” They agreed, and we all hugged one last time. Then, I remembered something.

“Hold on. I need something to remember this.” I said. I walked over to the receptionist and sweetly asked him if he could take a picture of us, to which he happily agreed. I pulled the two of them away from their luggage and wrapped my arms around them, posing in front of the receptionist who held my phone, and we all smiled for the picture. I looked at them when I got my phone back and smiled. 

“I’m gonna send these to you. Gloat to your friends that you just became besties with a rockstar,” I joked to Dahlia. She laughed, and we all had one last group hug before I watched them walk out the hotel doors, waving until they were out of sight. 

I was now lying in bed, playing on my phone, and taking in the fact that I finally had privacy for the first time in forever. It was amazing. I had music playing on the T.V. on a low volume, humming along as I just soaked in the peace of not having to deal with giant man babies. 

Fuck. Now I was worried about my giant man babies. I assumed they had fun last night or all just passed out the second they got there. I wonder what they were doing today? The party wasn’t until tomorrow night. Shit, the party. Do I even want to go…? Okay, but if I don’t, I won’t see the boys for a few days because I know they're going to be hung over the next day. And the last thing I want to do is go over there just to hang out. It feels weird going to their house- Noah’s house. But the party would be different. There will be so many people that I’ll forget whose house I’m at..right? 

I don’t even have a good costume planned, and I love going all out for halloween. But do I even want to go? Should I go costume shopping just in case I make up my mind at the last minute? I let out a groan. Of course, my thoughts take over the first time I have peace and quiet. I roll over with a groan, pulling up messages and sending a text to Tommy. 

Y/N- Wanna go costume shopping with me?

I set my phone down and just lay there, waiting for a response. It took a few minutes, and, of course, I went back into overthinking everything, but eventually, my phone chimes, bringing me out of it. 

Tominic- Sorry love. We’re all playing a drinking game right now, and I am not in any way fit to be in the public eye.

Tominic- You could come and join us? We can go shopping tomorrow? 

Y/N- No, it’s okay. You have fun with everyone. I love you❤️ Keep yourself and the boys safe.

Tominic- love you too❤️ no promises!

I roll my eyes and giggle. Well, maybe I’m going to have to go alone. I started searching for places that sold last-minute costumes when I remembered Matt could be free. I quickly send him a text.

Y/N- Are you busy? Or can you join me to go costume shopping?

Within a minute, he responded.

Matty- Grabbing my keys now. I was watching over the guys just in case one of these idiots needed a hospital, but they know how to work a phone to call 911

I laughed at his text and stood up to start getting dressed. I showered earlier, so I just needed to change and maybe throw on some makeup. I texted Matt which hotel I was at and quickly tossed on a comfy shirt and shorts. I did light makeup, pulled my hair up, grabbed my phone and wallet, and headed downstairs to wait for him.

I just finished getting ready. I have to head over to the boys’ house early to do Matt’s makeup after I spent the entire shopping trip yesterday having to convince him to even dress up. He finally agreed after we bickered for an hour, once I asked if I could at least just do some simple makeup, but he still hasn’t told me what he wanted to go as. 

I felt so good. There was almost nothing in that ransacked Spirit Halloween when Matt and I went yesterday, but I managed to find a Ghost Face mask and immediately knew what I could do. Smoothing my dress out one last time, I decided to post a picture of my costume, wanting to show off how good I looked.

I grabbed my phone, wallet, and makeup bag and removed my mask to hold it before heading down to wait for my Uber. 

Part Six

[bomberqueen17]

who let me out

Most of the time I spend on Tumblr has been taken up in writing these Aubreyad book recaps so I haven't been talking about my own life but there's not a lot to say.

However!

I am making a voyage to England next week which is extremely exciting, and yes I'm going to see the museum exhibit about that archaeology dig I was so excited about. I have been so stressed lately that I have barely thought about this and in fact last night I finally was like "do i need like. socks n underwear for this trip. idek." and i haven't even looked at weather reports so I don't know what clothes I need. But I did live in the UK for a while once so I'm fairly confident that my good raincoat and new waterproof boots will be a good start towards an autumn wardrobe.

So I hope to talk about that more, coming up.

Meanwhile, rambling about personal life stuff

The last stint at the farm was so fucking stressful. I had to work the market sometimes, which means a full day of work on Saturday. We had so much work to get through, and several people who help us weren't available, so we had to do it all ourselves, and that meant some ten-hour days, meant some exhausting slogs. At the end I was like "do you know what I'm not going to do while I'm on vacation?" "no, what" "ever touch raw chicken." I singlehandedly had to package like 1000 pounds of raw chicken in two days, after having packaged 200 whole chickens the day before. I was just so tired of the way raw cold chicken feels in my hands. Ugh ugh ugh.

I got so stressed I just wasn't sleeping, which sucked. Oh, I'd get into bed, and I'd fall asleep at my normal time-- usually around 10pm-- and then I'd wake up at 2am and that was it, I was up for the day. I tried various things-- went to bed at 9, woke up at 1-- lay there pretending to sleep-- got up and wrote-- got up and walked around-- one night I watched the entirety of the Master & Commander movie from 2003 on YouTube. Why not! I did remember some of it from 20 years ago, how funny.

(My dad liked that movie. His favorite thing to do during movies was to quibble about historical inaccuracies. But this movie had so much fanservice for reenactors in it that he was quietly delighted. His quibble was that the violin and cello duets were too good, they should've recorded amateurs. He had a point.)

Anyway. I was researching various methods of helping one sleep-- the only one at my disposal was weed gummies and I spent one very miserable night just lying there high and bored and not sleeping and wasn't totally sober when morning came and that fucking sucked. I commute on foot or I never would have risked it, but being very slightly still high and exhausted and trying to do repetitive physical work was really, really dispiriting.

but we got everything done. In the end. And I left. And once I got home I went to sleep and I have not had really any appreciable trouble sleeping since. I can even nap, sometimes!

Heck.

One of the things I'd meant to take care of while I was at the farm was that of course on my birthday, my fucking driver's license expired. On the one hand, thank you DMV, it used to be that everyone's license expired on the same day, so you'd have to go wait in massive lines to get it dealt with. Now it's... not evenly distributed exactly, because people's birthdays are a random distribution, but it's a perfectly logical and reasonable way to organize expiration dates. But it meant that in the midst of this exhausting miserable stint of work when I didn't have time to do anything really fun for my birthday (don't cry for me, my mom made me a cake and my BIL bought me ice cream treats) I also was consumed with angst about needing to renew my license. i was so sure they'd yell at me because I hadn't renewed before it expired-- but they wanted me to do an eye test, and I could not, could not coordinate that, I'm overdue for an optometrist appointment by several years and I just could not fucking make it happen.

So I went to the DMV yesterday and was like "i both want to renew this license and upgrade it to the enhanced version since that will be required for planes soon" and they were like "we need both your passport and your social security card and two proofs of residency." and i was like you need the social security card and proof of residency to get the passport. and they were like yeah but we need all four things too. so I went back home with the form and found the various necessary proofs, but then I was able to make an appointment to go back. Great!

(They say, "make an appointment online!" but if you look up the DMV website there's nowhere to do it, and if you go to the website of that branch of the DMV there's nowhere to do it. Want to know why? Because it's not through the DMV it is through the county clerk's office. Now U Know: Go to the county clerk's office and navigate to their section on the DMV. It's separate! Who fuckin knew! Now you do! [In my case this was erie.gov because that is my county, but it may vary for you and if you are not in new york state i have no advice for you.]

All having an appointment means is that you are in a separate queue to be seen, which is likely faster than the general pool but may not be. Still, I thought it was a good idea.

And then it was early for my appointment and I was getting my shit together and I had my social security card and an old W-2 with my address and social security number and my old license with my address on it and for some reason I thought I could use my checkbook but that's not what they mean by a cancelled check but whatever. I had just a random pile of shit. And

where was my passport

where is my passport?

i'd had it in my pocket but i was sure i'd removed it from the pocket and put it into my purse. but it wasn't in my purse. "did you see it inside the house," asks dude patiently, who also is prone to losing shit and who knows me very well. "I don't know," I have to answer. "I remember putting it in my purse and it isn't there." I search the place I put my purse a thousand times, I go through the desk where I was sitting to collect the other proofs but i knew, I knew I had not brought it in there. Time is slipping away, I will miss my appointment. God time is slipping away and I can't find the thing. I ransack the house. I finally run out to the car, did I leave it on the seat in the car? It is not in the car.

In desperation, as it is fully time to leave the house and I will be late if I don't, I gather up all my other papers and go out to the car. "I will just go," I say, "and ask them, did they find it, because that is the last place I am absolutely sure I had it." Because the woman had looked at it to see if I had my social security card between the pages. And she'd handed it back to me. But my memory is such that the rest of what I did is not certain; I remember taking it, I remember putting it into my pocket, but this might be a story I am telling myself. This is the way in which I am a very good liar, because I do not remember things very well, and my well-honed abilities as a storyteller mean I am very, very good at instantly constructing what it would make the most sense to have done, and telling that story even to myself. But. here's the horrible truth: i don't know if it really happened that way. Many things I have witnessed, important things, I remember the story of but I'm not entirely certain they happened that way. Any story I tell may be fictionalized, and I usually dont' know it.

So anyway.

Got out to my car and there on the ground in the road (I am parked in the street) there is my passport lying next to the driver's side door of the car. When I had checked the car earlier, I had only gone to the near side, the passenger side, and looked in the window. It had never occurred to me that my memory of putting it into my purse might have been me just setting it on my purse and it not going in, which is clearly one hundred percent what happened.

So that was. A fucking wild ride, and I did not cry but only because I was too overwhelmed. I made it to the appointment and I could not hear the very nice clerk very well so I kept nodding at her in blank incomprehension and then not doing what she'd asked me to do. But this is the thing-- if you think of the most brutally competent people on the entire face of the planet Earth you might be tempted to imagine like, IDK, Marines or something, but that would be wrong, it is the clerks at the DMV. They will Get It Done, whatever the fuck it is, and they will NOT put up with your shit, but they will also not be mean to you. They will not usually waste time in smiles or gratuitous displays of humanity, but they are never cruel, they are implacable and pitiless but they are fair and they will help you and they will not smile about it but they will tell you which option to tick off on the form so that you don't have to pay a bunch of extra money, and they will be understatedly kind if you are frightened, and they will calmly and impassively repeat their instructions until they penetrate your uncomprehending skull, and you will get what you need to get because this is deadly serious and they are the kind of bureaucrat that actually make the world go round. It is not sunshine and rainbows but it will absolutely get done even if it takes months and years.

Anyway there's some kind of divinity in low-level bureaucrats who actually have to talk to frightened people, I tell you what.

The only time my clerk smiled at me was when I didn't hear her and she had to repeat that the screen was asking me if I wanted to register to vote, which is an automatic part of all their transactions. "Oh, no," I said, "I'm already registered," and she said "then press no," and I said "I do really appreciate the reminder though," and she smiled at that.

(They also ask you to enroll as an organ donor. NYS is an opt-in state, and many people just don't opt in; opt-out states have much higher enrollment for obvious reasons. Please opt in unless your religion or beliefs proscribe it! There are never enough organs and your grieving family will almost never remember to opt you in at the moment of extremity. You could save so many lives, and improve so many others. This PSA brought to you by someone who spent the pandemic lockdown in the home of a member of the local hospital's liver transplant team, who was so busy because all the New York hospitals had shut down their transplant facilities in order to turn the ventilators over to Covid patients, so everyone in New York who was getting a liver was getting it in Rochester. From my guy's team. So it was a stressful time. But I am successully re-enrolled as an organ donor. I am quite sure I already was one but the only two options were Yes or No so I checked Yes.)

Anyway I have so much to do and am so burned-out that I'm repeatedly getting stuck staring at things in odd rooms, so. We'll see how this goes. I have five days left to get ready for this trip wish me luck.

[sabo-has-my-heart]

The Correct Signs

"Ace's clumsy first time relationship with a deaf reader. Both Ace and reader are university students of the same school. Ace notices reader as a cute girl on the first day in class, then found out she is deaf later on that day. He notices all of her little actions and hobbies. Like how nice her hand writing is when she communicates with others, or how her eyes sparkle when she can use sign language with someone, or how she keep all of the notes her friends gave her in a small notebook. He also subconciously help her whenever he can. Like clearing some awkward moments or notice her of sounds she couldn't hear. Then, one day, he gave her a small note with his confession and she said yes. They became a couple. Ace started to notice more of her habits. She doesn't like it when someone sneak on her, so whenever he is near her, he tries to let her know of his presence as soon as possible. She still tries to have normal conversations and greetings, like a welcome back, or a good morning. She teaches him sign language, and she tells him that it's the warmest thing ever to know that he wants to learn it for her. Just fluffh stuff ig"

Part 2 to Can You Hear Me?

Part 1

Warnings: Deaf!Reader, disabilities, love confessions, sign language

Word Count: 1380

So I put their sign language in italics. I did this because they are still talking, but it's all in sign language and I wanted to make it clear that they're signing.

     Treating you like normal wasn’t as easy as Ace had thought it would be. Part of him still wanted to treat you like you were, well, like you were disabled. He still wanted to help you carry things, still wanted to be sensitive about you being able to hear or make sure you got proper notes. That didn’t mean he didn’t try, just that he’d catch himself doing something you’d asked him not to only to suddenly stop himself and suddenly feel guilty that he was treating you differently again. Still, you were patient with him, giving him time to adjust to treating you like normal again. You were used to people treating you differently after learning that you were deaf, used to them having to adjust and then readjust. The point was that he was trying. 

     Ace was also trying to learn sign language as quickly as possible, often making you smile and shake your head when he’d sign something, get frustrated at how slowly he was moving and pout, or when he’d attempt to sign something quickly, only to come up with gibberish that had you wanting to burst out laughing. He was dedicated though and it was amusing when he messed up, so you really didn’t mind.

     All the time spent together also meant that the two of you got to know each other better. You’d been friends before he’d learned you were deaf, before you’d started teaching him sign language, but now you were spending even more time together as he attempted to learn an entirely new language. Hobbies that you had that you hadn’t told him about because you hadn’t written it down, TV shows you enjoyed, books you liked. Little things that he’d never thought to ask you before. You’d already known quite a bit about him, the boy talking quite a lot when the two of you hung out, but it felt different now, closer. It wasn’t just you learning about his motorcycle and his favorite sports, it wasn’t him figuring out your favorite professors as you joked about them in class or what kind of foods you liked. It was more… real. With each new thing he learned about you, he couldn’t help but feel himself falling deeper and deeper for you, staring at you in adoration and wonder whenever you weren’t looking, wishing he could tell you how beautiful you were to your face instead of behind your back… glaring at his brother jealously when your eyes lit up because Sabo already knew sign language. That bright sparkle of excitement when Ace introduced you, telling his brother you were deaf, only for him to immediately start a conversation with you and laughing at things that Ace didn’t understand because the two of you were moving too quickly. 

     Pacing back and forth, Ace practiced his sign language, occasionally shaking his hands as he tried to shake his nerves off. Was he getting the movements right? Was he shaking too much? Maybe the position of his fingers were wrong! Sabo had laughed like a demented hyena when he’d walked in on Ace practicing, only making the young man more nervous before getting into a fight with the blond. After kicking the shit out of each other, Sabo had actually started helping Ace memorize the signs that Ace would need, making sure that Ace had it down before leaving him to practice. He wasn’t meeting up with you until 3, so he still had time to practice a few more times, carefully going over the movements again as he stared at himself in the mirror. The two of you were meeting at the library to help him go over his most recent sign language lessons as well as get some studying in because Ace had spent so much time working with you that his grades were suffering.

     Sitting at the table, you smiled as you watched him carefully sign whatever was written on the notecard you showed him. His movements were still a little slow, and he seemed to be shaking, but you couldn’t help but smile as he successfully signed each answer. Finally putting down the last notecard, you gave him a light, quiet clap, proud that he’d managed to get them all correct. Before you could fully turn away from him, he was gently taking your wrist, turning you back towards him.

     “What is it, Ace?” you looked at the man, watching the gears turn in his head as he processed your movements.

     “I have something to tell you.” his hands were shaking even more now as he carefully signed the words. Cocking your head to the side in confusion, you nodded, gesturing for him to continue, “We’ve been spending a lot of time together and we’ve…” Ace’s movements stopped as he tried to remember the rest of the movements before frustratedly dropping his hands, “I just… I wanted to tell you that, well, you mean a lot to me. You’ve put up with me being an idiot, you’re patient with me, you care and I just wanted to say…” Ace took a deep breath, raising his hands again, “I… I love you, will you go out with me? Will you be my girlfriend?” you stared at him in shock. After a moment you glanced down at his hands, then back up at him, then back down at his hands again. You hadn’t taught him most of those yet, meaning not only had he just confessed to you, but he’d specifically gone out of his way to learn the correct signs to tell you. After a moment, you felt a nervous tap on your shoulder, bringing you out of your swirling thoughts as you looked at him.

     “Well?” his hands shook as he moved his arms, clearly nervous about your reaction. Smiling you scooted closer, leaning forward as you kissed him on the cheek. The young man looked at you, stunned, as you nodded your head, grabbing your favorite pen and the paper next to you. 

     “Yes, I’d love to go on a date with you. I’d love to be your girlfriend.” You watched as an impossibly large smile spread across Ace’s face, the young man shouting a ‘yes’ at the top of his lungs before picking you up and spinning you around, drawing every eye in the library. You stared at the librarian as she walked up to you, glaring at the boy before starting to scold him, making you shake your head. Tapping the librarian on the shoulder, you drew her attention to you. The woman looked over to you, as you held up your hands again. You and the woman were familiar with each other, being one of the few people on campus who also knew sign language.

     “My apologies, Ada, this is my fault. I was teaching him how to sign and I told him he did perfectly. He was very excited.” you lied, making the woman sigh and nod. She wouldn’t deny his success if he’d done well, looking at the boy expectantly, clearly looking to see what had him so excited. Grabbing your pen, you wrote that she wanted him to show her what sign language he’d learned, the boy’s eyes widening in worry but nodding all the same. Watching his hands shake, you smiled as he managed to slowly sign a few short sentences that you’d taught him, watching as the librarian nodded approvingly.

     “Very well, just be more careful next time you give him good news. This is still a library after all.” With that, the woman walked away, leaving you to write down everything that had been said, making the boy laugh quietly.

     “So uh, why don’t we take care of that studying, then watch a movie at my place? I heard the new Barbie movie has a sign language option on Netflix.” Ace offered, making you smile. Sighing, you nodded in agreement, finding it cute how excited he was about everything. Giving him another kiss on the cheek, you pulled out your books and set them on the table, though you honestly doubted you’d get much studying done. At least, not any studying that wasn’t teaching him more sign language as he eagerly attempted to learn more about how to communicate with his new girlfriend.

[sopfiista]

Academic Rivals (Pt. 2)

SUMMARY: Geto realizes he messed up- and wants to apologize so bad. So he takes you to an empty classroom and shows you how bad he really feels.

WARNING: Smut, PIV, dirty talk, pet names (baby. slut, whore)

NOTES: This is really short, but a part 2 of academic rivals because I wanted more >:)

PART 1

It’s been over a week and Geto hasn’t changed whatsoever. He’s still his same cocky self, his scores still perfect, happily holding them up for you to see. Of course, you played along for the first three classes- but after that you wondered if he just saw you as some hookup.

Everytime he tried talking to you, all you could remember is that fucked out face, the feeling of his long hair between your fingers, and that sultry tone he gave you throughout the entire time.

But he seemed fine.

Other than that, everything else was pretty normal. You and Kei, which you called Yakazaki now, were getting really cute and you couldn’t deny it- he was pretty cute. He’s pretty shy, but all over he’s very sweet and has become a bit.. Flirty with you.

“I got a 90 this time,” he said, smiling at you, “your tutoring really helped- thank you.”

You cheered. “That’s so good!” A sense of pride and excitement raced in your heart as you looked at his pretty face and smiled- completely missing the dirty look that Geto gives the two of you, the familiar pang of jealousy in his heart.

How can you move on like nothing happened? He wondered to himself, his hand gripping on his pen as he tried to focus on his notes. He did all of that to fix everything that happened, and you’re back to how you were before, ignoring him and talking to that fucking loser.

Class finished and the two of you left class, chatting about something random. You watched him smile and laugh, your heart fluttering momentarily.

“Hey, I have a question for you,” Kei suddenly said, turning to fully face you.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “What’s wrong?” You couldn’t help but feel nervous- what happened? Did you mess up with him?

“You didn’t do anything,” he said, shaking his head, “I just want to ask.. Do you like me..?”

You froze. How did he know? Did he not like you back? Why was he asking this question?!

“W-well, uhm..” you swallow nervously. Fuck it- you only live once. “I do, yeah..”

Kei stood there, stunned. “Oh wow..” he muttered, ears going pink, “well, I like you back..”

Your jaw went slack, and before you could speak, his warm, soft lips captured yours in a soft, tender kiss. You instantly melted, kissing him back almost nervously.

Geto had seen it all. He stood at the end of the short hallway, eyes wide, heart broken, and pure rage and jealousy as he watched. Yakazaki ran off somewhere, leaving you awe-struck and pink in the cheeks. Something that he should be doing- not some kid you met three months ago.

What the fuck was wrong with you?! He just fucked you a few weeks ago- now you were going around and kissing some boy?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

You looked over at him, seeing him silently fume only a few strides away from you. You froze, eyes going wide.

“Geto..?” You muttered, covering your mouth.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He asked, storming up to you and grabbing your arm, yanking you into an empty hallway. “You’re a fucking slut- y’know that? You go around and fuck whoever you want to- I shoulda never took you up to my room. What is wrong with you?!”

“What are you going on about!” You snapped, “you didn’t even bat an eye at me- you treated me like a fling, Geto!”

He scoffed.

“I didn’t think you cared-”

“Well I did! You acted like you moved on- so I did the same!” You said, your eyes going glossy, “It meant so much when you did that- fuck! For the first few days, I thought you actually wanted to be my boyfriend!”

Geto fell silent. Had you really thought that..? Now he felt bad.

“Baby..” he muttered, cupping your cheek in his hand, wiping the tear rolling down your cheek, “I didn’t know you thought that way..”

“Well I did!” You snapped bitterly, your voice wobbly, “Fuck you- I look like a crybaby now!”

He hummed, pulling you close and kissing you- making sure to wipe off the filth that that other kid put on your lips. You instantly kissed back, missing the perfect fit your lips had on eachother.

He pulled back, humming at your lidded expression. “Baby, let me make it up to you? Let me apologize-”

Geto huffed, pressing your front onto the whiteboard, rutting into you with that scarily fast pace, making your mind go numb.

“Baby- I’m so sorry,” he panted, his fingers rubbing small circles on your clit, his breath fanning on the back of your shoulder, “I’m so sorry baby.. Didn’t know you thought of me that way..”

You could barely register his apologies anymore, the only thing you can think of being how good he feels, shoving his dick into your cunt repeatedly, making your back arch against him more, ripping another moan out of your kissed out lips.

“Sugu..” you muttered out, weakly pressing your hand onto his stomach, trying to stop him. You could feel his sinister smile from behind you.

“Jus’ cum one more baby, then I’ll let you go, m’kay? I wanna show you how bad I really feel..” He huffed, somehow picking up the pace just a little bit more.

WORD COUNT: 892

[cordeliawhohung]

Pup anon!!!!

putting the ask you sent me copied and pasted under the cut because 1: a fox cries; never howls spoilers and 2: just cuz some of it might be a little triggering in regards to vague mentions of abusive relationships because i am also going to yap lmao

first of all about the second ask yes lmao, apparently just like half an ask got sent through because I meant the fc;nh, that I have to say it really had me saying yeowch out loud and clutching my kitties, I loved the same situation (obviously not the exact same way) so I just have to tell you that you portrayed the feelings perfectly, there’s too many parts that I went ‘yeah that’s exactly it’ but this one Grief is the quintessence of escape. You’ve crossed the threshold — you were dragged beyond it — and now there’s no way back to the way things were. Your life wasn’t good, and it was far from comfortable, but it was familiar. You only know how to navigate things when bound. Chained to an unforgiving master. How are you supposed to live with free hands?  I don’t even know where to begin with it, I suck with words too much, but you simply did it, I could yap for hours without an end about it, about living it and about how you portrayed it exactly how it is, but every word you wrote just, it was it, it was exactly how it felt, and that exact part was exactly how it felt when I finally managed to leave, even if for me didn’t go on for years, it was like six months maybe? when you finally step out, go back home, go back to a “normal life” you literally don’t know how to live it anymore, you always feel the ghost of the teeth, the words, the hands, everything, I was so used to that that it took me some long 7 years to finally be able to have a proper routine, to have a proper felling or wholeness at some point again even if not completely, I don’t know what the proper word would be, but as weird as it sounds reading that chapter brought me an amount of comfort that I can’t explain, I can’t never talk about this with anyone because they start looking at me like some sort of broken toy and suddenly start treating me like if walking in eggshells around me and treating me like a child, but while reading it felt like some sort of being understood for the first time, you truly are more than an incredible writer, i’ve overcome the whole situation just fine, even just a few days after getting out talking about it felt like telling a story and not something I lived and it stays like that until today, I actually have a friend that always used to ask me questions about it bc she wrote fics of that kind and wanted to know how to portray the feelings and the situations and I loooved answering her, it was the only moment where I could talk about it freely and calmly without the other person looking at me with pity, and to end this long ass personal yap once again, you’re just incredible, i’ll never get tired of reading every single thing that you write, you feel like seeing a baby kitten playing between flowers on a sunny day while you try to guess cloud shapes, i’m so excited for the next chapters, please always take care of yourself <3 and actually the yap that I have for yesterdays situation has some of this involved, i’ll send that soon enough i’m excited about it but I wanted to say all of this first, I know that you said that long asks don’t bother you but still i’m sorry!!! I feel like if i’m talking with my life long lost friend but at the same time like a girl sending her favorite celebrity mail while shaking on her boots

i get so terribly sad when anyone says that they can relate to certain characters/aspects of my stories because they are some truly horrible things to experience, but at the same time it's a little comforting because it's like, oh yeah i'm not alone. because i'm being so real when i say pretty much everything i've ever written and will ever write is just a trauma fic lmao. and i've had a few people come into my asks and tell me "omg you described this so well" or something to that effect, and while 1, thank you for the compliment haha, 2 it's something i try my best to do as far as evoking emotions, it's something i feel like i have to do.

like, people only want to listen to your trauma when it's pretty. when it's palatable. when you can dip your fingers into the blood and make it a painting. when you can turn it into art. it's honestly what got me back into writing because i needed some place to put it all down.

and yes, the pity people look at you with. i mentioned that a little bit too here:

For the first time in your life he makes you feel more like a victim than a toy, and you’re not sure if that feels any better.

it's such a really strange feeling to attempt to overcome. the want/need to share something but to be looked at the same. like a human. to be regarded with the strength you have for being a survivor. because it's alienating, in a way, not being able to talk about your past, these important in integral parts of yourself, because you know someone is going to treat you oddly because of it. good natured, of course, and i feel like media has portrayed that it is supposed to be that way, but it can be frustrating too. just, yes on that part.

also don't apologize for the personal yapping! i'm honestly glad you did. it's good to get that stuff of your chest, and i'm honestly so honored that i can create something that someone is able to relate to in a positive sense; that they feel seen and heard.

but ugh im so glad to hear from you! my brain is mush so i hope at least half of this makes sense i just also wanted to hop onto the yap. don't apologize for long asks either! i promise i don't mind at all lmao. and hey maybe one of these days when you feel comfortable to reveal yourself we can do all this in dms alsdkfj

also, so excited to hear the second part to your other ask earlier re: the collaring mmmm.

[woomycritiques543]

https://twitter.com/NazFX_Studios/status/1199643032292749312?t=1zGGNfvZkOKvFd0ItADX7Q&s=19

Vivziepop recently made a Collab with NazFX on Twitter who's releasing a Loona remake tomorrow. It appears she has collabed with this person twice? In the link I'm sending is a video of a white Alastor plush. My favorite character in the Hazbin Hotel series is whitewashed to oblivion again! Like WTF, Look at him? Why is he so white 😭? WHY IS HE STILL BEING PORTRAYED AS A NON BLACK CHARACTER? First it was Sallie May that was overly sexualized for being a trans woman which insulted the community and got a lot of backlash, then making another transmasc character Cis which got more backlash and now we're pushing for anti black, white Alastor! I encourage others not to buy from Viv or get the Loona plush to pocket her pockets because she's anti black and is absolutely terrible at portraying black characters, characters with different ethnic backgrounds in general or just LGBT characters. Vivziepop is not a spectacular person with great ideas. She can't represent characters period!

This is "OOAK." Not a collab. It's fanmade.

I get your concern, but please provide clear evidence before making accusations like this. Though yes... Vivziepop does whitewash him still, in fact, she made him lighter after the backlash about the Vodou representation, something fans and non-fans alike were disgusted by her doing this kind of anti-black behavior, and kept the symobols in the episode- just more hidden now.

Look at Vortex, look at how this character is drawn, look at how the muscles are emphasized while the white muscular characters are drawn otherwise normally or with Ozzie, have skinny arms.

Look at how they drew the white muscular characters and their anatomy compared to Vortex and try to tell me that there was "no anti-blackness" involved here. The white men have even anatomy, while for Vortex, it's emphasized to hell and back, and he's given almost no sympathy for being a slave, while Loona is multiple times just because she's white coded despite being Hell's equivalent to how black people were/are treated. Yet for Vortex, he's not sympathized with, even in his debut, and is only animated to "look intimidating" and to be violent while also having not a single black person influencing his writing. He's just meant to be the "token strong black man" while Coco and the rest of the background characters are put their for brownie points while we get no respect from these writers underneath this narrative. It's hypocritical, selfish, and downright racially insensitive. These stereotypes are far from "harmless", especially today with the newest Helluva Boss episode and how it relates to the harmful stigma against drag queens.

The fetishization of trans, drag, and black lives hurts us.

These stereotypes are not "comedy", they're reputational harm.

-while the other black characters are whitewashed and given names like "Coco" based on their skin. You can actually tell that the direction of this show had not a single black say on these shows, at all.

HB also made over half of their main poc characters succubi as an excuse to fetishize us. It's just hentai for minority fetishists, that's it, the show is just what Americans think hentai is, but worse, since it includes all misrepresentation of women from hentai along with ableism, racism, homophobia, and blatant transphobia from the writers being put into the tones and dialouge of the scenes.

The double standards need to stop. There is no such thing as a "good" dergogatory stereotype. Black stereotyping and fetishization is equally as harmful as blackface. This goes for Brandon Rodgers as well. Both him and Vivziepop have gotten away with racial stereotypes and sexism for far too long. There needs to be at least one black say behind this writing. This needs to stop.

Also look at the anniversary posts on Twitter:

Not a single black person in sight. I want to be excited by this show so badly due to the nice animation, cool world ideas (Hell with different demon species- how cool is that?!) and the cool looking bg characters but the creators keep ruining it with active bigotry.

So you're right about that one... 💀

Vivienne is speedrunning her own cancellation now...

-and it's just sad to watch. All she had to do was apologize for how she misrepresented multiple minority groups and let her stans attack us, none of this discourse needed to happen smh.

If racism and all around bigotry is "not ok" with Oye Primos. It's "not ok" with how Helluva Boss treats minorities as well. People need to stop having double standards just because one creator benefits their fan content more than the other. To the HB tag, if you like any of Vivziepop's shows, cool, but dont pretend to support us while denying how much bigotry the creators have just because you want more of Vivziepop's cartoon softcore porn.

Racism and queerphobia should not be normalized with any writer.

Stop the hypocrisy!

[sinfulequity]

Is it a swarm or a mob?

Hi! So I was meant to make a Fuuta-Muu post, right? And, well, it was meant to be on my main but like. I made this blog! I'm sure as heck gonna use it lol

Anyways, it's primarily about how they communicate, though I touch on other stuff. With that being said, thank you in advance and I hope you enjoy!

First to head the charge, yet always last in line- You guessed it, I'm starting with Fuuta! The guy that, even when trying to do a good deed, comes off as a dick, yet compared to a puppy by the author themself. Now Fuuta seems to be someone who likes communicating in a group, despite how abrasive he comes off in milgram. In that sense, Mikoto's considering Fuuta as attention seeking is spot on!

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly. Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here?……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross. Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right? Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

He's trying to make a social group he can fall back on, even if it's something as small as commiserating about their situation together. (The way he wants to communicate seems to moreso fall in line with how Mikoto does; granted, with more aggressiveness)

Q.01 What do friends mean to you? Futa: People who get excited about the same things as you

He's stated before that people he likes talking to are ones that can get hyped about the same things as him. This can also be seen in his behaviour in milgram; a prime example is how he interacts with Haruka.

Futa: You said you don’t play any games, right? Do you not watch league or premier either? Haruka: E-eh, I, I don’t understand, what that is…… That… uh, “leeg”? Futa: Huh!? It’s international soccer. It’s normal for guys your age to know stuff like that. What a pain… I really have nothing to talk to you about, huh. Even though we’re around the same age. Also don’t speak to me so formally. It’s gross. Haruka: Ah, e-excu-, I don’t, I uh… got it…… Futa… kun……

He's implied to have repeatedly told Haruka to be less formal with him! He's also asked about hobbies that he's already interested in, seemingly to try and use it to get closer to Haruka. There are exceptions (i.e. Yuno showing off what she does for her younger brother) but that moreso dovetails into my next point of observation.

Fuuta doesn't like to be perceived as vulnerable. Which, I think everyone has noticed because dude's an anxious wreck. Like seriously! He tries to be the group representative cause he thought Es treated Yuno badly (and if we were to give him credit, extrapolated that Haruka might not have been treated well too because it's clear that Haruka's standards aren't the highest), but is shaking like a leaf and breathing weirdly.

Futa: Haa…… haa…… Ok…… Kotoko: What’s up, Futa.……your breathing seems a bit uneven? Futa: Huh!? I’m getting ready to fight. That guard is looking down on all of us……! Kotoko: ……hmm. Is that so…… I’m looking forward to it. To seeing what your “justice” really is.

This trial he tries to barter a better verdict before breaking down and begging cause he can't take it any more! Which, given Shidou's report of injuries, I really can't blame him?

Either way, this pairs really badly with another trait that he seems to have; not really being able to join a conversation properly unless shown a clear indication that his input is wanted. A good example of this is actually Mahiru's birthday interaction with him. He only goes into talking about her birthday when she implies it's something that he should be making an active interaction with instead of reactively asking what she means.

Mahiru: Fufu, it’s a special day today. I can’t help but feel something good’s going to happen. Futa: What’s with all the muttering to yourself. It’s creepy. Mahiru: Geez, you really don’t understand, Futa-kun. You’ll never have a proper romance with that attitude! Futa: Who cares. Obviously this is because today’s your birthday. It’s just the day you happened to be born, it doesn’t mean anything. Here, I’ll give you my tomato, so just shut up and eat it. That’s your birthday present, so be grateful.

Wrapping back to something I mentioned earlier, this might be a thing that Mikoto picked up on as attention seeking.

Fuuta actually has pretty rigid thinking in terms of socializing! I'd say that was interesting but also that tracks, given that he does most of his socializing online. But he also has very firm schemas as to how people should act/socialize from their perceived roles in society (i.e. stating that he doesn't really talk to girls because he doesn't want to be involved in "girl talk"-

Q.05 What do you like in the opposite sex? Futa: Someone who can have a conversation on the same level as me. The things girls talk about are usually all boring

-and being upset with Kazui and Shidou for not being proactive about trying to escape this situation

Futa: The ones I don’t particularly like are Shido and Kazui. The old geezer duo. Even though we’re in a state of emergency here, even though they’re the oldest out of us all, they’re acting like they don’t have a care in the world. I can’t believe they’re so unreliable. They’re good for absolutely fucking nothing!

). It's simultaneously really old fashioned and a product of our time. It's honestly a frustrating aspect of his character.

Though at the same time, it's a view that makes him susceptible to indoctrination. This vulnerability has only gotten wider since the end of the first trial, with the voters' voices, Kotoko's assault and the fact that he never really had a strong sense of self to begin with. It's almost a shame I didn't write this up earlier because I have to say; with the lesson that Fuuta seems to have learned from our first vote (I never should have stuck my nose in other people's business) and this, I feel like Fuuta is in a very dangerous position mentally. Not that voting him guilty/unforgiven would have been better but. Idk this seems like something that's bad to affirm.

Second up is the queen B herself, Muu! Is that a Bee or a Belle? Hmm, I wonder~ (in all seriousness, her change from trial one to trial two feels more like a dark version of Cinderella if we're truly making fairy tale references)

Now Muu is someone who likes feeling comfortable and as such, she tends to hang out with people who allow her the freedom of opinion. That, and people who actually pay her "proper" attention.

Q.01 What do friends mean to you? Mu: People who listen properly to what I say

Oddly enough though, while she functions just fine in group environments (easily taking charge of her prior friend group) she actually seems to prefer one on one conversations?? For the most part, she seeks out people to talk to when they're by themselves or in a small group. This can be seen within the portal timeline, key examples being this conversation implying she went to Haruka's door in order to converse with him as soon as possible,

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday. Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad…… Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you. Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

this conversation implying that Muu actively sought Yuno out in order to get birthday wishes from her,

Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me? Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~ Mu: How mean… Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself. Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother………so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

this conversation emphasising her desire for someone's complete attention when she has it,

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me. Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen. Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things. Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see.……the new me…….

and this.

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday. Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that, right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that. Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate. Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

There's something to be said about that trait shown within the portal timeline + the shrinking of her group shown in INMF. This feeds back into her wanting people to pay attention to her, though I think it's also a way to pay back that attention in kind, which feeds into my next point.

Muu is a very eye for an eye person. Granted, it seems to be perceived slights as opposed to objective ones. This can feed into one of her more negative traits, that being she can overly exaggerate the hurt in her own experiences (side note, this is likely why that one line was translated as "I am always the drama queen").

Not to say that the hurt she feels isn't, by any means, real, but it can leads to situations where she retaliates in a manner that's far more harsh than what happened to her. Literally a prime example of this is her murder! Like I'm sorry, but murder is not a reasonable response to bullying, much less being ignored. However, this can also go the other way around. Treat her nicely and she's going to treat you well.

This type of attitude is likely why she had such a dismissive reaction to one of her friends thanking her for the lipstick in the After Pain group chat. To use an adage, one good turn deserves another. She gave her friend the lipstick and her friend thanked her (even if indirectly, by complimenting the lipstick). Thus, in her view, it was paid back in kind.

Another, more recent, example of this is her interactions with Haruka. Giving him a makeover, lavishing him with her attention and bringing him food as the guilty verdict sets in for both of them, she has been giving him kind acts. One could argue that she feels that Haruka has been returning this by thanking her and contemplating how best to carry out his vow regarding her verdict (in other words, a continued promise to follow through on his actions when it comes to it- which we know is when and not if, since we know the verdicts).

However, if you want to take a kinder interpretation, she recognizes that Haruka isn't in the mental position to do that. This would be why, on her birthday, she's so insistent about what she's doing being a great thing to Fuuta of all people. Basically, that tightrope between wanting to seek validation but wanting a kind deed to be a kind deed.

However, like Fuuta, Muu also has a very shaky sense of self. Or rather, in her case, a shaky esteem. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she had RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria).

She's someone that looks to see other people's reactions before making a move herself, if subconsciously. And it's very clear that she half expected to be voted guilty and tried to overcompensate for that in INMF. That expectation with the hope/want of getting external validation sure did make a horrifying concoction...

Honestly, her verdict is going to be very touch and go for her. It could turn out well in the end, but there's such a high risk in terms of her mental health (+physical, depending on how the votes go) that it's... Worrying. And Haruka's vow, while providing a sense of comfort currently, is likely going to be detrimental in the long run. For both of them.

Overall, they're two (very) dumb kids that screwed up, and they both justify their actions to themselves in different ways. Fuuta falls back on a sense of justice and the fact that he wasn't the only one involved in his sins. Muu focuses on her pain and the idea that the only person that can truly judge a person is the one in the situation. However-

-they both clearly took things too far, and they know it. Regardless of how they behave, I get the feeling they do regret the results of their actions.

[kidrauhlschik]

Stray Kids as Sad Songs

Maknae Line

Han - Iris (The Goo Goo Dolls)

"And I don't want world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand"

It's no secret that Jisung struggles with his mental health. He always has and he's convinced that he always will. His anxiety makes him feel different from other people in the worst way possible.

His life got to the point where he is constantly on the edge, it is simply what he's used to. So, when you came into his life, the anxiety you caused him felt like home.

Everyone around him could tell that he was hurting and his life kept going from bad to worse, but he always failed to see your wrongs and flaws. To him you were perfect. You could see him for what he was and kept him grounded.

"When Everything is meant to be broken

I just want you to know who I am"

It's fine if you broke him down whenever he's happy. You were just protecting him for something worse. It's better to fall from a one story building rather than a fifteen story hotel. At least, that's what he always told himself.

Whenever he would approach you with the biggest smile on his face, beaming with excitement to show you a new song he composed, it was only normal for you to point out the flaws in his work. You were just watching out for him.

Afterall, he can't ever do anything right.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies"

Whenever he would doubt your words of love, he always remembers that his anxiety is probably the reason he would ever doubt you. You would never lie to him right? You loved Jisung.

You loved him so much that whenever he would have a panic attack, you would dig your nails into his wrists to help him.

Once you drew blood he was finally able to breathe.

He loves you so much because you love him enough.

"Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive"

Felix - Evergreen (Omar Apollo)

"Was there something wrong with my body?"

While staring at the bottom of the glass, he ponders. Was it him? Were you right? He already had body dysmorphia. He already hated himself for the most part, but you made it so much worse.

He can remember fasting for three days, but he never got hungry. He only felt pride when the numbers in the scale dropped.

“She’s going to love me more.” is what he would tell himself as he pinched his gut.

The members were getting concerned. Felix had always been a small guy, but now he was skin and bones. If only he had told them the truth. They would have helped had he revealed what went on at home. If only they knew the names you would call him or the way that you’d treat him.

"Am I not what you wanted, babe?"

He tried so hard to be perfect for you, but it was never enough. Every time he looked in the mirror, he could see everything you would see as well. He had bad skin, his freckles were ugly, his eyes were too small, his face was too chubby, maybe you were right. Maybe he was so unlovable that he could only blame himself for the way that would treat him.

Maybe if he had been better, or stronger, or perfect. Maybe then, you’d still be with him.

He could only blame himself the night you left him.

If he was good enough. You’d still be there.

"I've cried, I've cried so much for you, baby"

Yet, he can admit how cruel you were. He can finally say that he doesn’t love you anymore, but the damage you cause ran deep. As awful as you were to him, he only felt resentment towards himself.

He doesn’t know who he hates more. You or him?

"You know you really made me hate myself"

If only he could disappear. He’d stop being an inconvenience to everyone. Maybe if he was dead, people would finally love him. There isn’t anything to hate if he can’t be a burden anymore.

He felt bad for his friends. You were probably right by telling him that they were only his friends out of pity.

That’s why he cut everyone off. They didn’t fight to keep the friendship. They were probably glad he took himself out of their lives.

Looking back, they always liked you. You were a different person when you were with them. Maybe he’s so hateful, that he caused you to hate him as well. What other explanation could there be for your treatment?

"Had to stop before I'd break myself"

He knows that he was slowly killing himself because of you. He wasn’t eating anymore, he was too fat. He never left the house anymore, what if someone saw his face? He didn’t have friends anymore, they don’t deserve to have to deal with him. He was drinking himself to sleep every night, it’s the only way he could cope.

At the end of the day, all he wanted what your approval. That’s the reason he sits alone at the bar. Maybe one day, if he became perfect, you’d love him again and he would finally be good enough for you.

"You didn't deserve me at all"

Seungmin - I Wish You Cheated (Alexander Stewart)

"Wondering where it all went wrong"

The road was dark and empty, which made it easier to speed. The music was unbearably loud, but that was fine. Seungmin didn’t want to hear his own thoughts.

What did he do wrong? He was the perfect boyfriend, wasn’t he?

To this day, he still loves you. He loved the way your eyes would glimmer when he walked through the door. He loved your bright smile when you spoke about something you loved. He loved everything about you, which makes things so much harder for him.

"I just need someone to hate"

How he wished that he could hate you. It truly pisses him off to think about you, but you’re always in his mind. The only thing he feels when he sees your face in his thoughts is heartache.

Even now, when his tears are making it hard to see the road, his only wish was for you to be there next to him.

"You and your goddam honesty"

Why were you always so blunt? Why couldn’t you just let him live in his delusions?

“I don’t love you anymore.” Were the last words you said to him before you cut the line.

You had blocked him on everything and told all of your friends to do the same, so closure was never an option.

He asked himself, how long can the pain last?

The pain had been his neighbor for the past six months. Maybe if he had gotten closure, or maybe if he knew what your reason had been, then he could rest.

All he had were good memories of the two of you. Which makes things so much worse.

Had you two argued, had he messed up, or had you found someone else, he would understand. He had absolutely nothing but questions.

"I wish you would have cheated"

What does he tell his friends and family?

Everyone knew of you. So what should his answer be when people ask about you? He doesn’t even know what happened.

He wonders what your reply to that question is. Do you tell people that there was fight? Do you tell everyone that Seungmin was a bad boyfriend? Or do you tell everyone the truth that he will never know?

"I wish I had a reason I could hate your guts for leaving"

If only you had cheated on him. He would be over you by now. Hatred instead of confusion. Was that too much to ask?

He wondered if his never ending list of questions would ever be answered. Was he going to grow old, never know the reason why the one that got away, left him?

Whatever happened to “together forever”?

A humorless chuckle escaped his lips at the absurdity of it all. After all, love is nothing but a joke.

"I wish you were the villain"

If love was real, you would still be with him. Had the promises meant nothing to you?

No matter what perspective in which he would try to read the situation, could help him. Unanswered questions and spilled tears is all he would ever have.

Even if he were to move on one day, you would always cloud the deepest side of his brain. After all, he still loved you. He just wished he knew the reason why you didn’t love him anymore.

"But you did nothing wrong"

I.N. - As the World Caves In (Matt Maltese)

"We're drunk a couple bottles, babe

and set our grief aside"

Alcohol always relieves the stress, which is exactly what the two of you needed.

Why cry when you could be making jokes about the situation?

The two of you were the only ones that knew about what was going to happen.

If it was up to you, you would be alone right now, but Jeongin insisted that it was this or nothing.

As selfish as you felt, you’re glad that he’s there with you. No one wants to be alone at moments like this one. No one wants to die alone.

"Here it is, our final night alive"

You had been diagnosed with stage four brain cancer three months ago. There was nothing medicine could do for you anymore. Which is what made you decide, that if you’re were going to go, it had to be on your own terms.

You had wanted to do it without Jeongin, but he was the one to bring it up first.

“I would rather die than to live in a world without you in it.” You tried to talk him out of it. You told him how foolish it was. He could move on. You wanted him to move on, you wanted him to grow old with a healthy girl who loved him as much as you did. You wanted him to have a family and to live the rest of his life with joy and laughter. Yet, he had other plans.

"And as the Earth runs to the ground

Oh, girl it's you that I lie with"

“We go out together or I go alone right after.” Was his ultimatum. You never agreed with the idea, but you know Jeongin.

“I pinky promise you right now. Whether it’s heaven or hell, I will find you.” His smile quavers a little with what you hope is doubt.

“Innie. Please stay back… I’m begging you to live.” The tears are now freely rolling down your face as you turn to look at him.

He holds your hand and gives it a slow kiss. “I’m not going to live without you. We said that we would be together forever and that’s what we’re going to do.” Nothing but determination drips with every word.

“Jeongin. I don’t-“ He cuts you off with a gentle kiss.

“I’m sorry, but im doing this whether you want me to or not.” A sad smile plays on his lips. Why is he so stubborn?

"As the world, as the world caves in"

Looking into his eyes in the middle of the night is the only think keeping you calm at this point. Hand in hand, all you can think about is how lucky you are, and how unlucky he is. Why couldn’t he be with someone healthy? Someone who could be with him in sickness and in health. Instead, he ended up with a cancer ridden girl that given the chance she would have chosen to die, sick or not.

"Oh we're going out in style, babe"

He tightens his grip on you hand and steps on the gas. Once the car is going fast enough for it to fly off the cliff on its own, he turns to you and holds your face in both hands.

“I love you.”

With a sob you’re able to respond, “I love you more.”

The sight of each other is the last thing either of you see before the world goes dark.

"Yes, it's you I welcome death with"

~

I wrote this on mobile so it might be funky and it’s definitely not proofread. Thanks for reading tho! ♥️

[katsvkiii]

beloved. t.shoto x femreader ii

ʚ chapter i, chapter ii

ʚ tags ; angst, slowburn, royal au

ʚ summary ; as a noble's daughter, you'd do anything in your power to satisfy your father. even if it meant taking away your own freedom.

ʚ word count ; 3.7k

ʚ authors note ; no one asked for this but i wanna post it anyway because i love royal aus sm :p

𝐈t is finally the day of the ball, and as royal families and other nobles get announced. You stood there fumbling with your fingers. You’ve never been in front of a big crowd of people before, and this crowd being filled with powerful people makes it even more overwhelming. And Shoto’s arm behind your back didn’t help to suit you either.

Searching for your parents among the guests. “They’re over there.” Shoto points over to your right to see your mother looking at you. As if she wanted to hug you already. “Come, let’s greet them.” He says softly taking your wrist walking the two of you over to your parents, the crowd looking at the both of you with whispers and smiles. Mostly jealous eyes from young women your age. Some jealous of you, some jealous of him.

“Mother.” You called, almost in tears before engulfing her in a hug. Your father is behind her with a proud smile. “I do wish you weren't hard on her, are you Prince?” Your father asks, you gave him a weird look and then to Shoto who seems to change demeanor despite his expression being the same..

‘Hard on her’ your father says. He wanted to ask “Didn’t you put her in this place yourself?” but he restrained himself and feigned a smile. “She’s in great care here, sir. Everyone will make sure she gets the most care she’s ever had.” He said kindly with a hint of hatred in it. And your father surely caught on from the slightly irritated chuckle he let out. He hates irresponsible fathers the most in this world. If it weren't for his will to overthrow his father, he would refuse the marriage and just let you live normally with your life.

You were about to speak up when the King took everyone’s attention by tapping a fork on his glass loudly. “It is lovely indeed to have you people here, having fun and drinking away. But it is no party without a surprise isn’t it!?” He laughs and everybody cheers. Everyone got lively and excited at the awaited announcement. “So let us applause my dedicated crown prince! and his soon to be bride, [name]!” The cheers got even louder, cheering the two of you on and it's finally the cue for you to get your act on.

He wrapped his arm around your waist pulling you close to him with a feign smile on his lips. You almost couldn’t tell if it was fake or not. But to be honest, you found him more charming when he smiles like that. You stepped into the staircase with the King and Shoto in order to be seen by the guests. Shoto noticed your hands get a little shaky and so he slid his hand next to you holding it securely. ‘This is not certainly part of the act.’ You thought to yourself before clearing your throat.

“It is a great h-honor to finally announce… M-me and Prince Shoto’s wedding..” You cringed at yourself for stuttering, gosh you wanted to get off there and lock yourself into your room. Shoto could really feel how overwhelmed you are by how much your hands are shaking. “I apologize, she's not quite fond of crowds just yet. As said, I hereby announce me and Lady [name]’s wedding that will be held a week from now. I do hope that you treat her well with the same respect as you do with me and my family, regard her as a new Princess and the future Queen of this land. Plese, continue on with the party.”

He says, before letting go of your hand. The people clapped and congratulated you both. You got off the staircase with him, embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I practiced it many times last night and I never thought it would get this overwhelming.” You looked down on your dress, playing with the lace attached to it. “It’s fine, I understand. Please, enjoy your time. You are free to roam around outside if you feel overwhelmed.” He assures standing right next to you. “I’ll attend to the guests.” He says leaving your side, unfamiliar with the people surrounding you. A few noble ladies came to say their congrats, have small talk and then leave. Those ladies had more manners, probably even had a face more than you. So why would the King come to your father?

You look around and see Prince Shoto talking with the well known Princess Yaoyorozu. She’s said to be kind, thoughtful and smart. You hear people talk about her from your home. And you can see those qualities in her from how she can make Prince Shoto smile so easily like that. He seemed calm and happy to be around her. It’s fascinating. They looked much more fit together. You smiled watching as they talked. “Shouldn’t you be mad or something?” Asked a raspy voice from behind. You turn around to be greeted by a buff and tall blonde guy, dressed like a Barbarian. You are guessing that he is the well respected Prince of the Barbarian Kingdom.

“I.. Uhm…” You couldn’t respond at all, he looks so scary and angry. Last thing you want is offending him or something. “I knew it, of course. That hag Enji does whatever just so he can get some good name on ‘im.” He rolls his eyes. Your mouth agape ‘Did he just call the King a hag?!’ ”Anyway, my old hag forced me to come here anyway. Let’s fuckin’ dance or something. Your too good of a husband wouldn’t mind that would he? Besides, I take it you know the etiquette of celebrating parties like these?” He asks, taking your hand and leading you to the dance floor where many are already dancing to the rhythm of the music.

The music slowed down a little as soon as you stepped into the floor with the blonde. “Oh, yeah my Kingdom is different. Other men are allowed to invite the soon to be wedded bride for a last dance with a random. My old hag would give me an earful if I don’t go. I trust you know how to?” For an angry looking guy, he sure does talk a lot. With his hand on your waist and yours in his shoulders, the both of you swayed as the music started to slowly pick up. People whispered and talked while the two of you danced. “And here your husband goes.” He sighs when Shoto comes along with Yaoyorozu.

“I’m not sure if I know your name, your highness.” You embarrassedly asked such insolence of you that you don’t even know his name. “Katsuki. We won’t meet again till your wedding anyway. I’m gonna spin you ‘round to your husband.” He says before taking your hand to spin you around to Shoto.

Then the music stopped. You always felt so nervous under his gaze. “May I?” He asks for permission which you answered with a simple nod. He then places his hand on your waist as the music starts once again, slowly the two of you swayed just as practiced. “I see you getting along well with Prince Bakugo.” He smiles, still you couldn't tell if it was fake or not. You gave him a small nod, it is also a must that the both of you look in love while you danced. “I have just met him, Prince. I apologize if that wasn’t lady like. I couldn't decline his offer.” He shakes his head.

“It’s fine, it’s part of their culture after all. I trust he didn’t hurt or offend you in any way?” You just nodded and continued on dancing. You wanted to tell him to stop with that, no one can hear the both of you anyway so what’s the need to talk. You remained silent but looked into his eyes that started back at yours until the music changed into a new one. Your feet still hurts so you asked for a break. He gladly let you have your rest.

You made your way to find your peace, away from the people and the music. Not really since it still can be heard but not too much. And from there, a smile crept up your face when you saw your lady Uraraka with Izuku, dancing together under the light of the moonlight. You didn’t want to interrupt so you stayed where you were, watching them from behind the rose bushes. Just staring at each other but affection filled their eyes. It fascinated you. It felt like it was out of a romance novel you have read.

“He looked into her eyes as he pulled her in. His other held her hand as gently as ever. He could see stars in her eyes, so beautiful, so alluring. Her breath hitched as he inched closer, feeling the warmth of his breath against his lips… If I could see you everywhere I looked… There's a spider, oh my god!” You shrieked when a spider suddenly crawled up your arm. Quickly shaking it off and the two quickly shaking each other off. Uraraka quickly came to your aid.

“Princess, are you alright?” She embarrassedly helped you stand. You smiled looking at the faint blush on her cheeks. “I’m sorry to interrupt! You guys can continue with what you’re doing.” You smiled about to leave when Uraraka stopped you. “Please, no! It’s alright. You must’ve come here to rewind…” She chuckles. You smiled and patted her head and then looked at Izuku who was mumbling to himself.

“Please don’t punish her, I know romance between two palace workers is prohibited but it’s my fault! I beg you!” He says going on his knees. “Prohibited?” You asked, how can that even be part of the rules? Does it hinder their job? “‘Zuku, stop. It’s fine. I accept whatever punishment you have, Princess, but I beg you to let him out of this.” Uraraka helps him up, and Izuku now has tears in his eyes.

“What do you mean? Why is it not allowed?” The two looked at each other. You pulled them to where the benches are to have a talk because to be honest, my feet hurt from too much walking and dancing now. “Y-you see… the king, he once accused the Queen of cheating with one of the royal guards…” You let out a small gasp, looking at Uraraka if she were serious. “And so he b-beheaded the guard and locked the Queen up at the west wing of the palace… Please don’t tell anybody that we talked about this! Being caught is enough but… I don’t wanna get killed just yet.”

You shake your head no, there is no way you want him to get punished just because they love each other. You held both their hands. “I’ll keep what I saw a secret. That’s just… Cruel! How come the prince never did something about it? Please don’t apologize for loving each other.” You assured. “Princes… You’re…You’re an angel. I see why the King chose you for the prince.”

Izuku cried tears of joy. You figured that he is and has a sensitive and kind heart. “You kind of remind me of the Queen somehow… My mother once worked here as the Queen’s personal lady and she described the queen just like you. It’s ironic how you too are bound by contract.” Ochako mumbled the last part but you definitely heard that.

“But princess, why are you here and not inside? Shouldn’t you be greeting guests?” Izuku asks, you chuckled and wiggled your feet. “It’s become sorer than yesterday. I can barely walk properly.” You sighed. Izuku crouches down to take a look. “Oh no, it’s gotten worse. It’s probably best if we get you to your quarters and tell the prince.” Ochako suggests. And at the time, you didn’t decline and stood. “Please take her to their quarters. I’ll inform the prince.” She says before going. “Their quarters?” You asked him, Izuku then gave you a nervous chuckle. “The King has requested to move your belongings along with the prince to a new bedroom this morning. He says it’s best that both of you get to know each other quickly like that.” A blush crept up your cheeks. ‘Like that….? But isn’t that too quick?’

—

Izuku had just left after bringing me into the new quarters. This one is bigger than what I was given, more spacious and luxurious. Two palace ladies have come to help me get changed. “The prince will be here with a healer, Princess. He orders that you rest until then. Have a nice evening, your majesty.” she says before leaving. And so I hopped on the bed, careful not to make my feet even more painful. I layed there staring at the ceiling, until my eyes got tired too and fell into slumber.

Waking up in the middle of the night, feeling a shuffle of something above you. Slowly opening your eyes to see the Prince raising the blanket over your body. “I apologize, I couldn’t have noticed sooner.” He says, as usual with the same blank look on his face. “It’s fine, thank you… Taking over the speech once again…“ You sat up, fumbling with your hands.``Please, lay back down. The doctor advises you don’t take walks for a while until you heal again. I’ll make sure to get new shoes that suit your comfort. I’ll have to stay up and discuss business with other nobles.” He then grabs his coat that is resting on the couch.

“But the moon is still up. Wouldn’t it be-” “Please worry about yourself first. Have a goodnight, princess.” He interrupts before leaving. A sigh escapes your mouth, laying yourself back onto the mattress. He sounded so cold, you wondered if you’re ever gonna get along with him. Scared at the fact that he may be just like his father.

—

“How thoughtful, not inviting his own to the party.” The jet black haired male shakes his head with a smirk. “Here he goes again, wanting to rebel against his father. But oh I heard the new princess is really really pretty~” The blonde lady daydreams of the princess’ beauty, wishing to get ahold of her. “Shigaraki, I want to watch my father’s downfall. You better make it possible alright?” The jet black haired male laughed as he looked at the castle that was bustling with guests. “I want to see my little brother suffer too.”

—

“Ochako, I can feed myself. Please put the fork down.” You chuckled at Ochako who sits beside the bed, holding your plate of food, trying to feed you. She looks away embarrassingly. “I-I’m sorry princess. It’s just that the prince entrusted me to take care of you today since he’ll be out of the castle today for business...”

You nodded. You couldn’t help but be curious about both of them. From the looks of it, they seem to be in love of some sort. Being a romance enthusiast, you know of the way prince Shoto looks at her highness Yaoyorozu. “Do they like each other?” You asked, catching the palace maid off guard, the poor girl became a stuttering mess.

“I-Uhm! I don’t think I should be telling you this, Princess. Wouldn’t that be…” She looks down, she didn’t want to offend you by the answer. “Please, our marriage is nothing but a contract. It is none of my business who the prince falls in love with. So, are they in love?” You looked at her with hopeful eyes. Ochako doesn’t know how you could ask such things about your husband's love for other women.

“In some way… They kind of are, being friends since they were little. They’ve always dreamt about being married and such… From what I heard. I hope I didn’t offend you!” She bows deeply. You shook your head with a smile, out of sadness and fascination. “She must hate me, for I’ve taken what she loves the most…” You sighed deeply, fumbling with your finger.

“She’s a great and kind princess, why didn’t the King choose her instead ?” Ochako shakes her head, she didn’t know the answer to that. “That, I cannot tell you, princess. Please, finish up your breakfast. And, I know princess Yaoyorozu doesn’t hold hatred for anyone.” She cleared.

“She seems to want to talk to you someday. When I told the prince about your condition last night, I saw how worried she looked and how she went with the prince to see you. Unfortunately, you were asleep.” She chuckles, a smile creeps up your face. “I too would want to talk to her someday. But, is it really necessary that I lay in bed all day?” You joked wiggling your bandaged feet. “Yes, the prince ordered me to not let you out and keep you company for the time being.”

“I can walk just fine you know, I noticed we have the same shoe size, can I borrow yours?” You asked about placing the plate on the table just beside your bed. “Princess, you’re not allowed to leave your quarters.” She says worriedly, trying to put you back to bed but it didn’t work since you already are stretching your body. Your walking still looked limp.

“Is it bad of me to want to go to the library? Come on~ It isn’t like I will walk a lot.” You begged. Ochako only sighed as she nodded. “Don’t worry, if you get in trouble I’ll take responsibility. Can you please get me something really comfortable to wear? And a spare of your shoes if you may.” Ochako nodded before heading inside the walk-in closet connected to the room. And coming back with a dress that’s just to your liking. You have cleaned yourself up before eating so you took your clothes off and just changed.

“Here are a pair of comfortable shoes, princess. Let us head out now.” She smiles before taking the tray with her and giving it to the butler waiting just outside your door. Slowly making your way into the big library. It was dark in there, only candles lighting up the room. “How… Dark. Ochako, would you mind opening those curtains, just beside the couch please?” You asked her too and she quickly obliged. Grabbing a candle that’ll help you see through the dusty bookshelves. It looked as if these were rarely touched. Grabbing a romance book, you made your way over to Ochako who’s dusting the couch off.

“Princess, if you don’t mind. Will you read me the book?” She meekly asked, a smile grew on your face before nodding as quickly. “I would love to, now sit beside me.” You tapped the seat beside you and you flipped through the pages. “‘Tis about two lovers, do you like romance?” you asked and she answered with a nod. “Let me start then. Andrea sighed as she looked out the window of her castle, watching as her husband talked and laughed along with the neighboring princess. She’s not a young Princess from a kingdom, nor a noble from a rich family. She was just a daughter of a farmer who lived outside the Kingdom of his majesty.

The crown prince, her husband, claimed that he didn’t want a wife from a powerful clan. And so he decided to search for a maiden, perfect fit to be his bride and future queen. Though his search only covered the kingdom’s town. He came across Andrea on a sunny day, as she bought apples and other veggies for her mother. He thought she was beautiful, just like a princess he’s seen in paintings. Harold was childish then, only looking at her face before he decided ‘I am going to marry that woman.’ And she was taken to the castle out of her will. But Andrea was a shy girl, who never spoke against anybody, even if her freedom was taken. Harold did the best he could to get the lady talking, but nothing seemed to make her.

On most days, she stayed inside the bedroom she was given, dressed beautifully but she’d rather not wander the halls. Even if she was alone, all she did was sit beside her window looking outside, in her own thoughts. Harold did come to visit her, in the morning and in the evenings. Greeting her each time but all she gave her was a nod or a smile. He badly wanted to hear her voice, hear her utter even just a word. But Harold didn’t do as much as she wanted him to. Andrea grew to hate him, but her face remained calm with a small smile plastered each time he visited.

And now, just like everyday. She sits alone beside her bedroom window, looking at her husband laughing along with the neighboring princess. Oh how she wished the girl was in her place instead. She was tired of pretending it was alright for her to feel caged inside a big stone castle, where she had no real friends, and no one to care for her. All Andrea wanted was for him to ask ‘Is this truly what you want, my dear? Is being in this marriage truly alright for you?’. Even he didn’t bother to get to know her.

A tear slipped down her porcelain like cheeks, as she looked outside. If Andrea was to be asked what she wanted, it would be for her old life to be given back. Back to where she could smile genuinely, though without a voice, her giggles would fill her father’s ears. But the marriage has happened, and the vows have been made. Her life is now bound to love the very man who took her freedom from her, the man who made no effort to get to know her.

Andrea was never fond of talking, but she would if you gave her the time to.” You finished the first chapter and you could hear Ochako sniffing beside you. “P-princess, is this truly what you want?” She asked in between tears, a chuckle escaping your lips. “I guess Andrea and I have our similarities then.” She then hugged you out of the blue.

[aroaceconfessions]

I'm not sure if what I want to confess is more about a-spectrum or neurodivergent maybe but it's about feeling things in a different way than the rest of your surroundings - so maybe some other Aro and Aces would relate?

My memories of reacting "different than normal" begin early:

- as a preschool kid when I was told that I "look pretty" - my reaction was: cry. Maybe I was just a bashfull child not knowing how to deal with a compliment but my mom always thought it was unusual.

- in my primaly school whenever I've been called "brave" after having a shot, vaccine or blood sample taken - my reaction was: feeling confused and kind of humiliated. It got to be clear: the feeling was not caused by having injection itself - but by those words that were meant to be a compliment. Why? At that time I was one of the very few children never crying of fear before vaccination but I thought that everyone else was reacting stupidly (what was the point of crying? they could not avoid the vaccine anyway!). But in my head it was them who were weird, I was normal, obviously: a mature and reasonable little person among those unrationally behaving kids. And now adults talking down to me and making a fuss over my "bravery" when I was just being normal - felt like rejecting my rationality and maturity! By them I was assumed to be just another unreasonable child who only exceptionally behaved the right way. Also if I was told "it won't hurt at all" before injection - it felt wrong as well: I took really a lot of shots (treating my otitis as 3 yo) and I've been perfectly aware of that it DOES hurt but in bearable way - so why must you lie to me?! Just do what you have to and let me go, don't treat me like an idiot!

- years later, in my early 20's - when I noticed my peers getting excited about hot stuff and sex topic I felt the same as with injections: I am that rare reasonable, grown up and seriously behaving person surrounded by overreacting immature youth. I got interested in sexual stuff myself too,  but unlike others - I felt like it's nothing to joke at and like nothing I ever wanted to talk about with anyone. My interest in sex gradually became some kind of passion - but it was strictly theoretical and never attached to any particular person around me. Now I already studied scientific stuff about it as well as movies and pictures for years - and whenever I hear anyone using a word "virgin" or insinuations that someone who never had sex therefore is naive and unexperienced - I get that feeling of being humilated: like rejecting my knowledge and maturity all over again! Just because I never done it myself doesn't mean others know more about it than me!

- I know I'm aro-ace cause I never enjoyed anyone touching me in the sexual way or using too much diminutives when talking to me. Just thinking about it makes me feel confused again - as if I was mistaken for somebody else. Sorry, I am independent adult person, not to be used as a sex toy nor be treated like a child - talk to me, treat my body serious, don't underestimate me!

- I feel less uncomfortable thinking about pain. Like when I use electric depilator to remove my legs hairs - it feels satisfying and almost pleasurous. When I went to the spa once with my friend - I could not force myself to take a massage (I hate being tickled so much I might reflexively hit someone in defence). Yet I enjoyed having a body peeling very much. I guess I'd rather like to be scratched than caressed. I sometimes wonder if maybe I would potentially enjoy BDSM instead of sex?

Is anyone else of you Aro and Ace people feeling so confused about others misinterpreting your attitude? Like about diminishing your actions as exeptional and not treating you, your words and your knowledge seriously enough?

Submitted May 3, 2023