#LIKE LEGIT THIS MAN HAS BEEN THROUGH SHIT

[wisteriagoesvroom]

LOL I can imagine for vampire au Lando starting to third wheel Carcar and so even though turning Franco is a complete accident he can’t feel too guilty bc he uses it as an excuse to hang around someone else, and somehow he learns more about vampirism lore through a human grad student than he’s learned in his whole life (he’s lived a long time, lots of info to absorb). Then also, if you don’t mind my ask, what do they all do for jobs/how do they get money and would Franco keep studying ?

HELP this is so cute. ok. norpinto-frando vampire au for those who aren't up to speed...

Lando starting to third wheel Carcar and so even though turning Franco is a complete accident, [Lando] can’t feel too guilty bc he uses it as an excuse to hang around someone else -> screaming cus, absolutely. random associated headcanons for this... i'll rewind a bit:

carlos is the oldest vampire, like, moorish/medieval era. he met lando while they were both at a masquerade ball in the early 1600s and smelled each other right away (carlos like wood and ink, lando like gas lamps and wet stone).

lando is an tudor era vampire. like he actually knew shakespeare and said he was one of the best viral marketers of the era

oscar was turned in the early days of the australian penal colony, he's like first or second generation white australian but he refuses to be called british. he moved in to the house because the rent was cheap and he doesn't feel the need to live extravagantly -- even though he, too, is $$ loaded $$

oscar didn't move in until about two decades ago - very short by vampire standards, to them it feels like yesterday - but carlos and oscar are basically They Were Roommates atp even though they squabble con-stant-ly

their neighbours think they are a new age-y polyam group but because the people who live opposite them are students, nobody ever hangs around longer than a year to remember them or dig deeper

so franco definitely brings a fun funky fresh dynamic

he learns more about vampirism lore through a human grad student than he’s learned in his whole life (he’s lived a long time, lots of info to absorb) -> things that baby vamp!franco teaches lando include

tiktok trends, like how to make ur teeth comically large in photos. lando finds this hilarious

how to use venmo

creating a roster on google docs for who needs to do what house chores

jailbreaking an apple watch so it doesn't read their pulses (they don't have any), but it will remind them of the moon phases and when they might be extra hungry to feed

at one point franco actually puts his academic skills to use and helps lando hunt down some of his family tree, because since lando was turned and it's been so long, he doesn't remember much about them : ( so one of franco's little gifts to lando is helping him trace his heritage

what do they all do for jobs/how do they get money and would Franco keep studying ? -> i love how practical-minded you are. um well let's say this fictional supernatural creatures' market mostly runs on barter trades and goodwill agreements. the entire house sometimes just gets lazy tbh so lando or carlos will just dig into one of the old chests of random shit and pull out an antique and go: "do we think this is worth anything?" then they take it to an antiques dealer who is also a mage (alex albon) and there is a 1 in 25 chance that the antique is actually is worth something, so that bankrolls them for another half a year or whatever.

carlos makes a lot of noise about being "an art dealer" just because he sold a goya painting to a museum once.

oscar is a man of industry, of the "newer" world (australia) etc etc so he spent the 80s and 90s learning C++ and Java and Python so he legit just codes for a living. or when he feels like it. oscar has helped launch at least a dozen startups under various pseudonyms and one of them is even a blue chip company by now. he doesn't do it for money tho. he just does it cus he likes a challenge, and otherwise fights with carlos too much. when he isn't coding he likes to tinker and fix things just for fun. like, he legit knows how to fix a boiler and stuff. his familiar is definitely a grumpy orange neighbourhood cat.

franco keeps studying!! he is such a nerd that he's like "i can totally learn everything about anything now, and i could in theory do like 20 masters degrees, and nobody can stop me"!! then lando is like, "well you might get bored of it after a while or burn out". but franco insists he will not. in fact with his enhanced neurological abilities he goes on an academic bender trying to fast forward through an entire harvard's undergrad degree's worth of material in a week, and he ends up faceplanting on his desk. and then poor lando has to go and find a fresh chicken or something to kill and revive franco 'cus franco wore himself out too fast being a bb vampire with accelerated mind powers.

franco promises never to do that again (but of course he will continue to do it once in a while, and everyone still looks after him in his lil study hangovers because he is so very nice. also he taught them how to use venmo.)

and. one time. franco is like. "i can't find this rare sonnet do you know what library i could maybe locate it in" and lando is like "wait i know that one" and pulls out an honest to god original copy that he at some point got laminated in the early 80s. and franco is like. "um i think this should be in a museum??" and lando is like "yeah but i gave them a copy of this, cus i spilled ink on the corner of this in 1603 after a really good night out" and franco is like "???? ok ????"

then lando swans off to moodily stare at the moon or some shit.

[whereismyhat5678]

@gongustheawsome01

I said I was gonna do it. I said I was gonna do it. I said I was-😵‍💫😵‍💫⏱️⏱️

Wait- oh what happened?…Why was I- OH LORD-

How did this depressed looking Gustavo get in my-

….

(Tw:….Self….harm..? Yeah that’s self harm, he’s pulling his hair out)

Evil Peppino REALLY fucked him up….

Evil Peppino when I catch you 🧍‍♀️🔪

[fratboykate]

Papi, are you alive? Thunderbolts trailer leaked and we got Hailee back from the dead (and there's the movie with Andrew and Florence and its KYAU coded as fuck) Kate and Yelena content galor this week. PLEASE COME BACK. We've been deprived for a year. It's been jail for too long. Grace us with Kate x Yelena content again. Pretty please.

*taps mic* Is this thing on?

[warcrimesimulator]

I forgot about "radqueers" lmao god that shit is still around?

[tgcg]

happy day of egbert

CG: DON'T YOU JUST HAVE THE MANUAL SOMEWHERE?

TG: dude its the most overwhelmingly basic thing on the planet trust me i literally did all the other settings for you

TG: all you gotta do is point the thing at egbert

TG: half press to focus subject

TG: press down fully and bam done the shit is shot

CG: BUT --

TG: i know youre desperate for this to be rocket science but its genuinely like first grade biz i promise whatever pic you take is gonna be fine

===

EB: yeah, come on karkat!

EB: i am only going to be the birthday bad ass for like, 24 hours total you know.

EB: longest birthday of my LIIIIIIIIFE. haha.

EB: oh hey, from one birthday-dooms day guy to another…

EB: i am pretty sure you understand the magnitude of what i just said!

===

CG: OH HEY. FUCK YOU.

CG: I'M JUST ACCOUNTING FOR THE LITERAL FUCKING INEVITABILITY THAT WHEN I TAKE THIS PHOTO, SOME INSIDIOUS LITTLE KARMA GNOME WILL FROLIC ONTO THE SCENE IN AN UNBELIEVABLE STROKE OF LOATHSOME SERENDIPITY TO BURY ME IN 12 CUBIC METERS OF FOOL-GRADE FUCKING IDIOT POWDER.

CG: AT WHICH POINT ANOTHER HEFTY BOULDER WILL BE ADDED TO THE BULGING MACRO-BINDLE OF SHAME YOU PEOPLE HAVE FORCED ME INTO CARRYING MY WHOLE LIFE.

CG: SHIT, SOMEONE HAS GOTTA LOOK OUT FOR MY ASS.

TG: alright give us a sec

TG: huddle formation

EB: psssshhh, alright.

===

TG: youre not gonna fuck this up

TG: your ass is completely secure dude

TG: i got the double foam padded booster seat and you know that shit is strapped on this 5mph drive through quaint ol piss-easyville

EB: you know if it really is so bad you can just re-take it, right?

EB: it is really not worth aggravationing your sponge over.

TG: 'xactly

TG: knights honor that shit isnt hooked up to my ishades and will not instantly forward me a copy in crisp HD of whatever blunder youre cooking in your beautiful nugbone

===

CG: IT'S NOT JUST THAT.

CG: HAVEN'T I SHADOWED YOUR PHOTOGRAPHY SHENANIGANS LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO TOSS ME A GODDAM BONE?

CG: I MEAN. I FEEL LIKE I'M READY FOR THIS. I'VE BEEN PRIMED FOR THIS BULLSHIT FOR EQUINOXES AT THIS POINT, WATCHING YOU PRANCE AROUND WITH THIS FUCKING THING.

TG: woah wait youre legit into it?

CG: YES, I AM LEGIT FUCKING INTO IT.

CG: AND I KNOW IT HAS SETTINGS YOU'RE HIDING FROM ME. WHAT IF I WANT TO TAKE A BLACK AND WHITE SHOT, HUH? WHAT IF I WANT TO ADJUST THE "APERTURE" OR THE "EXPOSURE" OR SOMETHING.

TG: alright i dig the enthusiasm but maybe we can unwrap that shit when we dont have someone waiting for us

TG: i didnt know you were scoping photography man you shoulda said something!

CG: I WAS PLANNING TO! I DIDN'T ENVISION IT COMING UP SO FRIGGIN SUDDENLY MAN.

TG: i promise ill open the pandoras fuckin box of snap addicts anonymous afterwards alright

===

CG: OK, FINE. BUT I AM HOLDING YOU TO THA --

===

CG: HA HA EGBERT. VERY FUCKING FUNNY.

CG: FOR YOUR SAKE I SERIOUSLY HOPE THIS IS JUST AN EMBARRASSING NOSTALGIA-DRIVEN LAPSE IN HUMOR AND NOT A GENUINE ATTEMPT TO "PRANK" ME. I REALLY DO!

EB: huh? who is this "egbert" you speak of? i have never heard of such a character.

CG: OH, JUST THIS BULGECRUD-HUFFING IMBECILE THAT FALLS BACK ON SHITTY PRACTICAL JOKES SO PLAYED-OUT THAT THEY PHYSICALLY HURT TO BEAR WITNESS TO.

CG: MY LOWER JAW IS THREATENING TO REVERSE-DROP WITH ENOUGH VELOCITY TO BURROW DIRECTLY INTO MY THOUGHT SPONGE, KILLING ME INSTANTLY.

CG: SO EITHER GET SOME NEW MATERIAL OR GET ME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, YOUR PICK.

EB: damn, ok. that does sound like some pretty serious bullshit, but…

===

EB: whoever that weirdo next to you is kind of seems like he needs medical resistance more than you do!

CG: WHAT

[gguk-n]

Chapter 4- Heartbreak and Understanding

Unravelling Max's Mystery (Max Verstappen X Online Friend!Reader)

Series Masterlist

Summary- Y/N decides to forgive Max. Max wins his home race. She meets Max's girlfriend who doesn't seem to like her very much. Did I tell you Y/N watched Max win his home race?

{Reader's POV}

Falling in love with your friend is a bad idea. Falling in love with your internet friend who has a girlfriend was an even worse idea. Falling in love with Max Emilian Verstappen was the worst idea. He's all over my screen after I searched him on every social media ever. I cannot escape him when I'm trying to get over him.

It's been a few months since the either of us have spoken to each other. After I asked for time, Max respected my wishes. After our call, I received a message from him saying that he would always be there for me no matter what and that he would like to clear up the misunderstanding one day. I knew I would talk to him, however I hoped that it would be when I was over him. Doesn't look like that's about to happen any time soon since this man is everywhere and anywhere I look.

Summer break was here, so I was having a girl's night with my friend Riley when I decided to ask for her opinion on this whole debacle. "Sooooo, Riley" I began. "You're about to unload some shit you did aren't you. Who fucked you up?" she interrupted me. "What?" I questioned. "I've known you for 6 years, I know you too well. Tell me who do I have to beat up." she said. I began to laugh. "No one" I said in between laughter. I wiped a tear away from the side of my eye, "I haven't laughed like this in a while." I muttered. "Go on, love" Riley prodded. "Yeah, so I have this internet friend, we've been friends since 2013. He's nice, kind, funny, handsome, blonde, blue eyes" I was talking when she cut me off; "exactly your type" I nodded along. "It's all nice and all. I didn't know what he did for a living. I recently found out that he is famous" I mumbled. She looked at me shocked. "Who?" was all she said. "Max Verstappen, Formula One driver for Redbull Racing" I said. "Damn, I mean he's like cute for a white boy. I think he's cool and shit for driving in fast cars, I appreciate him as an athlete for sure; as my bestie's potential love interest, questionable at best" she replied. "why, I mean I didn't say I was interested in him?" I asked defensively. "Bro, he is literally exactly your type, I've seen the men you date or hook up with, on the other hand, he has a girlfriend" she pointed out. "Ok, I know and you scare me sometimes" I lamented. "so, my real question is, I didn't know he was Max Verstappen. I didn't know he had a girlfriend. I was hurt when I found out and stopped talking to him, had a confrontation and then I said I need time before I am ready" I explained. "Understandable" she nodded along. "what do I do?" I asked. "what do you want to do?" she questioned back.

I love Max and I would like to be a part of his life even if it meant only as friends because I cherished the time we've had together. Also, I feel like I didn't let him explain himself the last time we spoke. I want to mend our ways. I would love to have him forever, even if only as a friend. "I want to still have him in my life even if it meant only as friends." I said cautiously. "Then there's your answer." she pointed out. "Talk to him, clear stuff out. If his explanation seems legit then continue to be friends." she suggested. "great idea. Thanks Riley" I said. "Don't mention it. Now can we un-pause the movie." she asked. "yes" I said while un-pausing the movie.

A few days after the heart to heart with Riley I texted Max. I knew he was supposed to be back next weekend for the race and was currently at home. I kind of confirmed that by watching his streams where he did SimRacing. I don't think I'll be telling this to anyone, honestly. He was on stream when my text went through, I saw him check his phone and ask to leave the stream early since he needed to do something; that something being to call me because within seconds my phone was ringing with the familiar name cropping up on the screen. I answered the call, Max staring back at me, a tentative smile played on his lips. He waited for me to start talking.

Y/N- Hi Max. Max- Hi Y/N, how've been? Y/N- Good, you? Max- Yeah, OK. Y/N- I'm sorry for lashing out the last time we spoke. Max- No, no, don't be sorry. I was at fault for hiding such important information from you. Can you ever forgive me? Y/N- Depends... Max- What do I have to do to get you to forgive me? Y/N- Why didn't you tell me? About everything; your girlfriend, your career? Max- I...When we started talking I just enjoyed being a regular teenager, where we talked about school and random stuff. I got to be Max the teenager not Max the youngest Formula One driver. I enjoyed the disconnect I got with you. I got to be myself and forget about racing for a minute. You made me feel like a regular guy. Y/N- I wish you had told me because when I found out about your championships, I felt like I missed out on celebrating such a huge and momentous occasion with you. That hurt. Max- I'm sorry for that. I didn't know how to tell you since it had been so long, I did want to tell you, I really did want to share my happiness with you; I just didn't know how to. You made me feel normal. Y/N- I'm glad I could be of some help. Max- You were of so much help. You calmed me down before many races and reading your messages or hearing your voice was like a comfortable constant. Thank you. Y/N- Fine, I get it some times famous people want to live regular lives, what about your girlfriend. Why didn't you tell me about her? Max- I....am not really sure. We started dating 2 years ago, it just happened. We'd known each other for a while. It just happened. Y/n- Hmmm....doesn't she mind that we talk so much? Max- No, she's chill about it. (He laughed awkwardly) Y/N- I hope we won't have anymore lies between us Max- No not at all. I cherish our friendship too much Y/N- me too. Max- This weekend is my home race. Y/N- I saw Max- You did? Y/N- I might like watching my best friend win... Max- That's great, then you can watch me win in person next week. Y/N- Sweetheart, Maxie, You might be a millionaire; your friend here is broke as fuck. I can't fly out so suddenly. Max- You don't have to worry about anything. I'll get you the tickets and stuff. Just say yes. Y/N- I mean, I would love to meet you in person.... Max- Then, that's final. You're coming to the Dutch GP next week. I'll pick you up at the airport. You should come early and leave a little later. I'll show you around. Max looked and sounded excited. Y/N- Ok (I couldn't help but laugh at his excitement)

As soon as I ended the call, I got plane tickets to the race. He said he would come pick me. I couldn't wait to meet him. I'm sure nothing bad will happen; from meeting my long time friend.

I thought maybe I should show Max some support and buy his merchandise or something; no one told me it was this expensive. I decided against it. The race was on the 27th; I was flying in on the 24th. The flight there was nerve wrecking. I've seen him although not in person. I got a text from Max telling me to go to a certain gate in the parking area where he would be waiting. I found him rather quickly; he had his hand sticking out of the car. I tapped on the window with a big smile plastered on my face. "Hi Maxie!" I greeted. "hey, schat. Get in, I don't wanna get caught." he said pointed at the door. "By who?" I quizzed. "I feel like you forgot what I did for a living and where we were." he chided. I laughed before walking to the opposite side and getting in.

Initially, things felt a little awkward but the atmosphere turned friendly quite quickly. We reached the hotel I would be staying at; Max had planned the entire week of my stay out. I was going to just rest today while Max attended to media stuff and then we would have dinner together tonight. He would take me along to the paddock for all the 3 days. And after the race weekend, he would take me to all his favourite place; my personal tour guide.

I crashed for the day after a shower and having food. I only woke up when Max called me to let him in. It took me a while to realise where I was. I apologised for not being ready to leave when that was the plan initially. Max didn't mind and offered to wait till I got dressed. He told me we were going somewhere fancy so I pulled out my black satin dress I kept for special occasions. This was a special occasion, right, I thought. Max was a lot more patient compared to all my exes who would start getting antsy; he even helped me decide on the jewellery and shoes I should pair with my outfit. Why are all the good men taken, God?

We had authentic dutch food in a fancy restaurant as a three course meal. I loved the Apple tart. I almost moaned as I placed a spoon of it in my mouth; "Max, this is so good" I groaned. Max smiled, "I'm happy you like it." "I love desserts Max, but this is almost up there with my favourites" I said with a mouth full of apple tart. "What are your favourites?" Max asked. "I love tres leches, tiramisu and cheese cakes" I mumbled. After finishing the food, we decided to walk around for a while; it was kind of dark and Max would probably not get recognised was the thought. "Thanks for the food. Maximilian" I said. He just nodded along. "It's an atrocious name Maxie, no offence but Emilian as a middle name; who ever named you, hates you" I said shaking my head. Max laughed it off; "I would've thought you were fucking with me, if you told me that was your middle name" I said patting his back. "I'm sorry" he said. "Don't apologise for your name, you had no control" I said now facing him. "No, I mean I'm sorry for lying and hiding things from you. I never felt good doing that. I wish I had told you sooner. I wish you had found out about it through me." he said regretfully. "It's ok Max, the past is in the past. I hope we'll be more honest in this friendship" I said enveloping him in a hug for the first time. His head found it's way in the crook of my neck, a woody scent wafted into my nose while Max clutched on to my waist. I felt warm tears drip down my shoulder. "Max, are you crying?" I asked, trying to pull away. He tightened the grip on my waist and buried his head deeper, if it was possible, "No" he replied, making my skin on the shoulder vibrate. "It's ok Maxie, let it all out. I'm always there for you." I said patting his back to console him. "I thought I lost you, I thought you'd never speak to me again, I thought you hated me." he muttered softly. "I could never hate you, I might've been angry but I knew I didn't want to lose you either. You are a very important friend to me" I said. "I don't ever want to lose you" he said, finally deciding to look at me with his tear streaked face. I wiped away the tears. "Me neither, now let's go, you have a race tomorrow" I said pulling him along.

The conversation kept me up at night. It was giving me mixed signals. I didn't know what to make of it. He has a girlfriend, granted I haven't met her yet. There was desperation in Max's eyes and his words. They felt heavy and part of me wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with this. Was I thinking too much into it? What was Max's deal?

I got to meet Max's girlfriend the next day. She didn't seem too pleased with me; I mean I don't think anyone could welcome a random women your boyfriend said was his childhood friend suddenly. I didn't hold it against her. I got to meet Max's teammate and the other drivers. All of them were very kind and welcoming. I got to learn a lot about Max while I waited for him to get done with interviews after free practise. I was talking to Lando while he waited his turn after Max. Max returned which made Lando leave. "You didn't tell me you had such cute friends. I would've asked you you set me up with him sooner" I said while we walked back to Redbull. "No" he stated. "You're patronising with the enemy" he continued. "Your enemy, my future boyfriend." I joked. "He's not your type" Max interjected. "And you know what my type is?" I asked. Before he could say anything, his girlfriend whisked him away.

I ended up talking to Checo who was surprised to know me and Max had been friends for so long. Almost everyone in the garage was shocked about our friendship. Checo told me it's because Max had never told them about me. Max and his girlfriend came back who looked visibly annoyed; I tried asking Max what was up but he brushed me off. I spent the rest of the day being dragged around by Max who couldn't stop talking about anything and everything.

I spent Saturday with a lot of the mechanics and engineers who had so much good stuff to talk about. It would probably help me in editing that author. She was almost done with the book; but a few more additions won't hurt. Max qualified pole, he was so excited. He dropped me back at my room when I told him he should rest up before the race when he offered to watch a movie with me. He couldn't care less, he promised to win the race for me even with a little sleep. We ended up watching some movie. His girlfriend's annoyed face was etched in my brain through out the movie, so I decided to ask him about that. "Max, I'm sure your girlfriend minds you spending so much time with me" I suggested. "No, I told her I'm meeting you for the first time. She shouldn't care." he said. "I'm sure she does, she doesn't look very happy to me" I commented. "Don't think about it too much" Max said handing me the can of cold drink. I wasn't very satisfied, but there's only so much I could do.

The race was crazy, it got my heart beating really fast watching all of them zip past at such a high speed. Max did so well, he finished the race in P1 just like how he started it. Everyone rejoiced and headed to where Max was. GP took me with him. Max got out of the car and took his helmet off, his eyes were scanning the area. As soon as our eyes met he strode towards me. His girlfriend was a couple of steps away, before I knew it Max hugged me. "I won, just like I told you I would" he whispered. "Congratulations Max." I said while turning my head towards his girlfriend who looked visibly annoyed and quickly turned on her heels and left. "You shouldn't have done that" I told Max while pulling away. "Done what?" he questioned. "You should've gone to your girlfriend after winning your home race." I said. "She's here for so many of my races, you're not" he stated. I face palmed myself, "Doesn't matter Max, she probably hates me" I said. Max just shrugged his shoulders and went to get weighed.

After all the formality and interviews Max was on the top step of the podium. I was very proud of him and you could see it on my face. I couldn't find his girlfriend anywhere around. Max got down from the podium drenched in champagne trying to hug me while I pushed him away. "No, you'll get me all sticky" I shouted while running away from him.

[ Winning his home race felt special to Max because Y/N was watching. He walked right up to her the moment his eyes landed on her. He couldn't help but wrap himself around her. After the race, they were going out to celebrate his win because Y/N wanted to go out with the other drivers and so he agreed. After reaching his room to quickly shower and leave, he was met with his girlfriend who was sat on the edge of the bed. She didn't look happy and after a bit of back and forth; Max said it. The words that had been floating around in his head for a while now; he didn't know why he didn't say it sooner. He broke up with his girlfriend. He wasn't sad but rather relieved. He walked into the shower while his girlfriend packed everything up to leave]

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Haircut

Summary: Javi thinks that he's way past due for a haircut. You like his hair long for reasons other than his good looks.

Word Count: 2.1K (I sprinted to write this after I saw this picture)

Pairing: Husband!Javi x Wife!Reader (no use of y/n, reader's nickname is Osita)

Warnings: SMUT (18+) Oral (f receiving), vaginal fingering, praise kink, (lovingly?) possessive Javi, Javi's back at again with his filthy mouth, hair pulling, Javi is hungry and the man is gonna EAT, allsions to more smut, Jonas Brother's references ( bc Javi is our girl dad king and his daughters love them LMAO)

A/N: Y'ALL REALLY THOUGHT THIS PICTURE OF PEDRO WAS SURFACE RIGHT HERE ON TUMBLR DOT COM AND I WASN'T GONNA DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT?!? WRONG. I legit have 3 WIPS I started in the past 24 hours based on this picture alone. Pedro really did this one for the Javier Peña girlies (gn) and I will forever be in debt to him for that. You cannot tell me that this is Dad!Javi when his kids are a little bit older bc HOLY SHIT?! This really may the nail in the coffin for @notjustjavierpena and I bc really fear this is the dilfiest Husband Javi has ever looked 😩😵‍💫 anyways, never getting over this!!!!

Series Masterlist Never Too Late Masterlist

“God, I can’t even remember the last time my hair has been this long. Lucy keeps saying I look like a Jonas Brother. Am I supposed to know who they are? Is that supposed to be a good thing?” Javi sighed, playing with his dark brown curls in the bathroom mirror as you snuck up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist, peeking out to watch your husband’s longer than usual locks twist between his fingers. 

“They’re the goofy looking boy band on Disney Channel that the girls are obsessed with. Like the Backstreet Boys, except cooler, apparently.” You laughed, planting a soft kiss into the fabric of Javi’s worn t-shirt covering his broad back before stepping next to him, leaning your hip against the bathroom counter to admire your husband as he fiddled with his hair. 

“Jesus Christ, those guys? God, I really do need a haircut before I start looking like the poster what’s-his-face hanging on Lucy and Elliot’s walls.” Javi chuckled, running his hand through his hair once more before mirroring you, his hip resting against the counter, leaning his weight on his palm splayed flat along the granite surface. 

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think he’s supposed to be the best looking one.” You teased, giving Javi a playful shrug. “Besides, I like your hair long.” 

“Seriously?” Javi asked, raising an eyebrow at you, crossing his arms over his chest in protest. “It looks like a mop right now.” 

“A very sexy mop.” You smirked, nudging Javi before stepping closer into him, reaching up to run your hand through his curls, slowly twisting the ends with your fingers. “It reminds me of that trip we took to Jamaica a few years ago. Your hair was almost this long, remember? You looked so hot in those stupid floral button downs you insisted on buying, and hanging out shirtless by the pool all day while you played with the girls.” 

“Fuck, I forgot about that. I’m surprised we didn’t end up with a fourth kid after that trip.” Javi chuckled, slowly shifting the palm that had been holding him up towards your waist, letting his fingers gently toy with the waistband of your pajamas. “You really like my long hair that much?” 

“Mhmmmm.” You cooed, continuing to close the gap between your bodies, your free hand resting on Javi’s chest as the other continued to stroke his curls. You could feel a low groan rumbling in Javi’s throat as your fingers weaved back and forth through his hair, the other creeping up to cradle his jaw, thumb tracing back and forth across the stubble on his cheek. 

“Yeah? What else do you like about it?” Javi groaned, his hand slipping under the elastic waistband of your pants to grab a fistfull of your ass, kneading the soft flesh in his hand. 

“I like…” You paused, bringing your lips to Javi’s, pressing a tender kiss on his lips, “I like that it gives me something extra to hold on to.” 

“Hold on to?” Javi asked, cocking his head in slight confusion. 

“Hold on to when you go down on me. I love being able to run my hands through your hair when you eat me out, especially when it’s long like this.” You smirked, watching Javi’s eyes go wide in delight, a devilish grin spreading across his face as he bit down on his lip. 

Before you could say anything else, Javi’s hands were gripping around your waist and hosting you up to sit on the counter, caging his body against yours, hands planted around the outside of your hips while his lips crashed into yours, your mouths becoming a tangled mess of tongue and teeth. 

“Fuck…” Javi whispered to himself, pulling away from your lips to pepper kisses down your jaw and neck, running his hands over your thighs. “I love it when you play with my hair, Hermosa. Love feeling you pull on it when you’re close. Makes me lose my fucking mind every time. Fuck, I’d stay burried between your legs forever if I fucking could.” 

Javi began to let his kisses trail down your body, past your chest and across your stomach before he was dropping to his knees in front of you, draping your legs across the width of his shoulders. Pulling at your waistband, you lifted your hips off the counter so your pajamas and underwear could fall to the floor, revealing the wetness that had been pooling between your thighs since you had walked into the bathroom a few minutes ago. 

“Jesus Christ…” Javi whispered, further parting your legs to see the arousal already dripping through your folds, staring up at you with a boyish grin on his face, “So fucking wet for me, Hermosa. Didn’t realize you liked my hair that much.” 

“Oh shut up you goof, you know I- o-oh fuck-” You whimpered, Javi cutting off the rest of your sentence as the flat of his tongue dragged across your cunt, the suddent sensation making you gasp in delight, already playing in to Javi’s plan as your hand shot down to his head, digging your fingers into his messy hair. 

“Better hold on tight, querida. There’s a lot more where that came from.” Javi smirked, pulling away just enough to see the smug smile between his cheeks, peppering a few wet kisses on the inside of your thighs before his head was back between your legs, placing a soft kiss on your clit, already aching and throbbing for more of what you had just been promised. 

“Do your worst, Peña.” 

That one sent a low growl of approval humming through his chest, laughing to himself as his hands gripped tighter around your thighs, fingertips digging into the soft flesh of your skin before another slow, broad stroke of his tongue was traveling through your folds. 

While you were truly convinced there wasn’t another man who loved going down on their wife more than your husband did, you could always tell when Javi wanted nothing more than to stay buried between your thighs, making you cum over and over until you were begging him to stop, lapping up every last drop of you until there was nothing left to give, and right now, you already knew Javi meant what he said when you were about to have to hold on for dear life. 

The hand buried in the dark waves of Javi’s hair only began to tug tighter as his tongue began to work meticulously across your cunt, pressing just enough pressure against your sensitive bundle of nerves to already have you a squirming, whimpering mess, but painstakingly slow enough to have you begging for more. 

“Javi… Oh, shit. Fuck, more baby, please. P-please.” You moaned, looking down at Javi with what you were already sure was a wrecked expression painted across your face. 

You could practically feel Javi’s smug smirk pressed against your cunt as he eased one, then two fingers into your aching core, curling them to bump against the spongy spot inside you that already had you fisting at the edge of the bathroom counter to try and keep your composure, and better yet, your voice down. 

“Oh my god, f-fuck. You feel so good, baby.” You moaned, feeling the strong arch of Javi’s nose bumping against your clit, placing a soft kiss there before the flat of his tongue licked another long, broad stroke across your cunt, putting just the right amount of pressure on your sensitive bundle of nerves as his fingers worked in tandem to send the sweet tingling sensation to start building in your spine. 

“Fuck, I love this perfect pussy so much. I still can’t believe she’s all fucking mine. My perfect fucking wife. Tell me, Hermosa, whose pussy is this?” Javi asked, pulling away for you to see your slick covering his mustache and the lustful look pooling in the dark brown of his eyes, the quiet possessiveness of his tone making your cunt clench even tighter around his fingers as they continued to pulse in and out of you. 

“It’s y-yours, Javi, It’s all- fuck- It’s all yours.” You whined, your breath hitching in your throat as you spoke. 

“And who’s the only one who makes you feel like this, huh?” Javi tutted, sliding a third finger into your heat, the sweet stretch and sting making you let out a ragged whimper as you threw your head back in pleasure. 

“Y-you- Jesus- Y-you are, Javi.” 

“And who’s gonna be a good girl and soak my face when she cums for me?” 

“M-me.” 

“That’s fucking right, you are.” Javi growled before diving back between your legs, working his tongue relentlessly against your clit, circling and flicking in fast and firm motions as his fingers curled deeper into your core, eating you up like a man starved, desperate to make you fall apart. 

You could already feel the coil in your stomach beginning to tighten from the way Javi was working so relentlessly to make you come undone, drinking every ounce of you up as his lips latched around your sensitive bundle of nerves, making your back arch and mind go blank while that all too familiar tingle began to creep through your core, cunt beginning to clench tighter and tighter around him. 

At this point, your fingers were tugging so tightly around the soft, brown curls of his locks to try and hold yourself together, that you were convinced that you were close to pulling his hair out of his skull, but with the way you were on the brink of collapse from the way Javi’s mouth was working against your cunt, you almost didn’t have a choice. 

“Fuck, Javi. Oh shit- Baby, I’m so close. Don’t stop.” 

“I won’t stop, mi amor. Won’t stop until this pretty pussy fucking soaks me.” Javi mewled, peeking his head out from under you just enough so that his sweet, brown eyes were locked with yours, the hot words of his breath dancing against your pussy as his fingers continued to rock in and out of you. “I’ve got you, Osita. Promento. Damelo, bebita. (I promise. Give it to me, baby).” 

Before you could respond, your jaw dropped open and face scrunched in pleasure as Javi dove back in, burying his face in your cunt as each press of his tongue became more firm and precise than the last, feeling your pussy begin to flutter as you clutched tighter around the edge of the counter, trying to keep from screaming out in pleasure and raise any suspicion. But as your legs began to tremble and your heart race, teetering on the brink of collapse, it was taking every ounce of willpower you had left to make that happen.

“Fuck, Javi. Fuck, I- fuck- I’m gonna, I’m gonna-ahhhhhh.” You whimpered, feeling your orgasm crash through you, pleasure radiating in your veins as you fell apart, losing all inhibitions to keep yourself quiet as you threw your head back in all consuming bliss. With his fingers still buried in your cunt, gently working you through your high, Javi shot back up, his mouth engulfing yours in an electric kiss to try and capture your ragged moans that had been coating the walls of the bathroom, the tangy taste of you still lingering on his lips. 

Your heartbeat finally began to slow, your chest heaving in long, heavy breaths as you slumped into Javi, your head resting on his shoulder as your hands stayed buried deep in his hair, grasping onto his now sweat-dampened ends to try and pull yourself back down to reality.

After a few moments of letting you come to, Javi gently pulled out his fingers, all three drenched and glistening with your slick, pulling them out and bringing them to his mouth, sucking them clean with a devilish smirk of satisfaction on his face. 

“God, you taste so fucking sweet. You really weren’t kidding about the hair, huh Hermosa?” Javi chuckled, cupping your jaw to cradle your cheek with his broad palm, forcing your gaze up at him. 

“I told you.” You giggled softly, still trying to catch your breath as you smiled at him, pulling him in for another long, tender kiss. “Hottest looking Jonas Brother I’ve ever seen.” 

The two of you burst out into laughter, practically snorting at your comment, taking a second to compose yourselves as Javi crossed his arms over his chest, rolling his eyes at you. 

“If that’s the fucking case, I’m getting out the clippers tonight.” 

“Not until you take me to bed and do this all again, you aren’t.” 

taglist:

@chaotic-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadress @milly-louise @jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper @nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog @hopplessilse @mxtokko @its-nebuleuse @mandoisapunk @msmorningstaarr @amyispxnk @honeyedmiller @mountainsandmayhem @picketniffler @burningnerdchild @copperhalfcent @theoraekenslover @pigeonmama @pedr0swh0r3

[vivwritesfics]

fernando idea (smau perhaps? it upto you) : jenson confessing his man crush on fernando and reader pretends to have beef or smthn like that? while nando has the time of his life watching this unfold on the sidelines

i love this sooooooooo much

romanempire_brocedes

liked by texas_ric, and 567 others

romanempire_brocedes the moment jenson said he had a man crush on fernando this picture is all i could think about

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username1 omg jenson legit has heart eyes

username2 holy fuck they're so hot

username3 i miss them driving together

username4 whenever i speak to a homophobic f1 fan i remind them of these two

y/n_alonso jenson said... what?

y/n_alonso

liked by jensonbutton, and 320,103 others

y/n_alonso me when Jenson tried to steal my mans

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username5 honestly? as she should

username6 queen shit right there

username7 ight who's side are we on?

username8 Jensons surely

jensonbutton fight me

y/n_alonso it's on, old man

jensonbutton you know i'm only two years older than your husband?

y/n_alonso practically in your grave

fernandoalo_oficial Mi bella esposa

jensonbutton thank you, nando

y/n_alonso

liked by fernandoalo_oficial

y/n_alonso this my mans (back off, button)

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jensonbutton he get's dressed up for you, too? cute

y/n_alonso actually, he gets undressed for me

username9 omg these two are my favourites

username10 y/n and jenson fighting over fernando was not on my 2024 bucket list

username11 ik they're best couple friends

y/n_alonso

liked by aussiegrit, and 421,293 others

y/n_alonso he treats me so good

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username12 hottest couple on the grid

username13 i'd do quite literally anything to be her

jensonbutton i feel cheated on

y/n_alonso as you should

fernandoalo_oficial mi corazón, the only one for me

y/n_alonso i actually love you so much

jensonbutton nando... what about us? what about everything we've been through?

fernandoalo_oficial jenson babe im so sorry

fernandoalo_oficial you weren't meant to find out this way

y/n_alonso these heels are good for kicking

jensonbutton bite me

username14 this is my roman empire

[onlyangel4]

desperate times call for desperate measures. toto wolff.

sugar daddy! toto wolff x reader

you are a struggling artist trying to live instead of just spending every moment worrying about money. toto wolff is the lonliest rich man in the world, when you find each other you are exactly what the other needs.

warnings- 18+, cursing, discussions of financial struggles. sugar daddy relationship. age gap relationship ( reader is around twenty five) there will be a lot of smut in the following parts of this fic. toto in love with someone he hasn’t met. male masturbation. smut. for this toto has been divorced for three years.

part two

your life wasn’t at the point that you hoped it would be by now. art was your biggest passion in the entire world, it was something that you loved and you were incredibly good at, but it was also so difficult to make a break through in the art space. you painted whenever you were inspired but those paintings crowded a storage unit that was worth half your monthly rent. your financials were in the bin, and you were furiously budgeting just to make sure you could afford everything that you needed. this was not living. your friends were constantly going on nights out but you had to say no time and time again just because you knew you would not be able to afford it. you were missing out on so much fun and it was driving you fucking insane.

you were embarrassed by your financial situation, the only person who knew about how much you were struggling was your best friend, anna. anna was the least judgemental person on planet earth, you knew that you were safe to rant to her about everything going on in your life, she didn’t have much more money than you but she did get to go on the trips that you missed out on.

“you know what you need?”, anna mused sat on the bed of your tiny apartment her frame threatening fall off at any moment, “you need a sugar daddy, lou has one and he buys her all sort of shit”, anna spoke and you just rolled your eyes at such an out there suggestion.

“come on anna, those things are just scams”, you spoke and anna was quick to shake her head.

“no, they are legit, lou showed me the app she uses. seeking arrangements, it is all legit. i swear if I wasn’t with tom i would have downloaded it already”, she was actually being serious.

you were going to come back with some snarky comeback for your best friend but you quickly noticed that the phone in her hands was yours and not hers.

“what are you doing with my phone?”

“i am doing you a favour y/n, this could really help you out”

you pondered her words for a moment, the last time you had seen lou she was decked out in all knew jewellery and she was wearing one of the nicest dresses you had ever laid eyes on. maybe this whole thing had worked out well for her. It could be worth a try.

“okay, but make sure you pick my best pictures”

the rest of that night was spent drinking wine and setting up your seeking arrangements profile together. there were was a good mix of photos on the profile starting with one of you on the beach from two years ago, the last time you could afford a holiday, you were dressed in a striking red one piece and anna swore that you looked like someone out of baywatch. one of you and your beloved black cat, liquorice. one with you next to the last painting you had sold, three months ago, the last time you had been truly proud of yourself. then there were a couple of filler pictures of you and your friends because anna decided that any sugar daddies needed to know that you had people that loved you, just in case they were planning on harming you, a comment that made your eyes roll. once the profile was set up you and anna both fell asleep, anna in your bed and you on the floor in a sleeping bag, because your couch was from a charity shop and probably the most uncomfortable thing to sleep on.

the following week your profile had gotten a little bit of attention from different people but never anyone that properly took your interest. all the first messages were either mentioning how good your tits looked in that one piece or they were guys proper showing off how much money they had something that did not interest you at all.  however, eight days into your profile being up you had gotten one message much more interesting than all the others, “that painting in your third picture looks familiar is that ares del maestrat?” now that message had taken you by surprise. one, because so far in all of the messages you had received no one had actually mentioned your art. and two, he was right, it was ares del maestrat, a place in spain that you happened to stumble upon on your last visit to the country, an area that you had found so stunning you knew you needed to paint it as soon as you got home.

“you are right! It is a gorgeous area, i found it by accident a couple years back, i wish i could visit it again”, you text him back.

“it is beautiful, i visit spain every year, i try to make time in my schedule to go every single year”, oh so this man was RICH rich.

you continued to text the man behind the kind messages about your work for the entire following week. you were quick to learn that his name was toto, his profile was under peter but that was only because he wanted to keep it somewhat private that he had a profile on the app because his career was in the public eye. Once he felt comfortable with you he began telling you what his job entailed, he was a team principle for an f1 team. you told him that you did not really know what that meant because you had never even seen a race. he explained to you his role and you couldn’t help but find the fact that he was so high up in such a career incredibly attractive, you were enjoying talking to him.

toto had downloaded the app due to a mix of loneliness and pure curiosity. He had been single for a few years now and he was getting fed up of both falling asleep and then waking up alone. he had heard about seeking arrangements and after doing a little bit of research on the app he had decided that maybe he did want to be a sugar daddy. he just wanted someone to spoil, someone that he could spend time with. and the idea of helping someone that was struggling with money was also something that interested him, it seemed like a pretty good exchange to him.

one issue though, toto found out that he was incredibly picky when it came to finding someone on the app. he was forever picking holes in all the profiles that he saw, some people had “don’t message me unless you will drop a hundred grand on me”, in their profiles which he just found tacky and others just did not seem like they had much substance behind them. but then he found you. each one of your photos was embellished by a genuine smile on your lips. and he couldn’t help but be taken aback by a picture of you with a painting of his favourite place in spain, now that had to be a sign. that is how you ended up being the first person that toto messaged on the entire app.

he had not been expecting to get on with you as much as he did. he educated you on all things to do with f1 while you sent him multiple voice messages about painting and your creative process. he was so interested you and listening to you go on about how passionate you were about art was something that toto could do forever. you were special and he was going to treat you as such.

after the first week of talking you sent him your number, citing that it was much easier to use that rather than text on the app. And after a couple days of having your number toto called you out of the blue. he spoke to you like you were long lost friends, there was no awkwardness at all. just the two of you talking about your days. you called every day always at the same time and after a week those calls turned into facetimes and toto was sure that he would never get bored of seeing your face flash up on his screen. you became the favourite part of his day. he actually began secretly purchasing your paintings, going through art dealers. making sure that his identity was hidden. every time you sold a painting you sent him a picture of you with the painting and he was so happy to see your smiling face, knowing that he was the reason for it made his heart swell with pride.

you were actually the first one to bring up meeting but you were too much of a pussy to do it over the phone, “so mister f1, when would you be free to meet in person, i like talking to you :)”, you had text him and as soon as toto saw that message his heart started hammering in his chest.

“well we have summer break starting next week, i can fly to London and we can meet there”, he had text back, making you smile brightly.

“i’ll see you then”

“darling, send me your address, i will send a car to pick you up”, you did as you were told, this man way only want you to provide company for him but you felt a need to oblige him. from your messages and times spent calling him you had learnt that he had a very dominant presence, one that never failed to make you go weak at the knees.

your message could not have come at a better time, you were driving toto mad with all your cute pictures and messages but toto had realised that he really needed to see you the moment he found himself with his fist around his cock, one hand looking through the pictures that were on your profile coupled with a few pictures that you had sent him privately when he asked to see more pictures that you had. he was rubbing his cock thinking about a girl that he had never met, a girl that just wanted a sugar daddy but he could not help it, something about you just made him moan your name as his chest heaved up and down, head tilting back slightly. And as he came onto his bed sheets he made a promise to himself. he was going to treat you so good you would not be able to find a reason to leave. and that was the night that you text him about meeting, it was like you could read his mind.

[fandomfuntimem]

More dp x dc and/or just dp stuff i would like to see more of.

(This time just stuff i think would be fun)

Danny gets more animalistic and ghostly in ghost form over time:

I've always loved the joke "from the day we are born we are slowly dying" and since this guy is half dead, he slowly looks more like a ghost when in his ghost form.

As for the animalistic thing. I dont mean legit growling or purring. I mean him having painted ears that move around and pin back when mad. Maybe a tail (tails are fun for expressing emotions). Pupils that dilate and slit. Stuff like that. He just gets more funky with time.

Constantine and Danny actually get along:

They're both tired, magical, and have seen some shit. If they are both adults when meeting they can be drinking buddies or something idk.

If Constantine met Danny as a teen tho i imagine he wouldn't look down on Danny or get too annoyed with him. He would treat him as an equal. He recognises and magic users are different, and Danny has been dealing with the magical bullshit all alone. This kid deserves some respect damn it! Infact it would be funny if the JL interacted with them at the same time and realized they were actually both really similer. Similer facial expressions and exhausted attitudes.

Danny is just stupidly calm in the face of horrific things:

I tried to find that meme with the "well that just happened" thing but couldnt find it.

But yeah. Mans is used to it.

Danny is more conflicted about where he belongs:

Too alive to be dead, too dead to be alive. Poor guy is practicly the town punching bag and ghosts always target him for what he is. He feels like he never belongs. It should be expressed more often. Like maybe he feels free and happy as Phantom, but he also knows that as Danny he's who his family and friends love and care about. Make him conflicted.

In a dp x dc context. I feel like at first you think he would fit in amoungst the heros. But he's too young to interract with the adult heros, but too experienced and powerful to interact with the younger heros. He struggles to fit in and he has to work through that. That also circles back to the Constantine point. I dont know much about the magic users in dc, but i can image theres a very large veriety of them all ranging in species and age. So maybe he belongs most with them, cuz to them he's just another acultist.

THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE FLUFF!:

STOP THE TORTURE, STOP THE HURT, LET THERE JUST BE FAMILIAL FLUFF!!!!!! LET THERE BE HEALING!!!! PROCESSING GRIEF AND EMOTIONS!!!!!!!!! LET THEM BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[greentrickster]

Okay, so, just so you all know, I'm aware of what many of you have probably been thinking in regards to the Great God Airplane AU: "Yes yes, blah blah Shen Jiu blah blah Bingge, WHERE IS THE MOSHANG, IT'S AN AU CENTERED AROUND SHANG QINGHUA, WHERE'S THE MOSHANG??!"

Thank-you for waiting patiently instead of saying this part out loud, because up until this point Moshang has mostly been doing the literary equivalent of sitting in a corner of my head with head pats and juice boxes being just the goodest boys whom I love so so much, you know?

Here's the Moshang:

It's a few days after the conference where Shang Qinghua got outed as Airplane Shangdi, and that's exactly how long it took Shen Yuan to get used to the idea and go back to treating him like normal (because he's read too much of SQH's terrible porn to ever truly take him seriously for an extended period of time). Which, as it happens, on this day includes razzing Airplane for the fact that, after everything that's happened, his sex scenes still have 'written by a virgin' slathered all over them.

To which our favorite divine hamster, newly imbued with some actual, legit self-confidence and tired of being razzed for this, snaps back that yeah, so he's a virgin, so what, he's been literally too busy his entire time as Shang Qinghua to get around to finding someone to do something about that with! Besides, Mobei-jun's also a virgin, and no one gives him shit about it!

Shen Yuan: ...like hell he is, you're telling him a guy like that's never had sex!

Shang Qinghua: Yes I am! (arms folded and nose in the air) He's the sort who's only interested in doing stuff like that with someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with and he doesn't have any love interests because I didn't write any for him, because I wrote Mobei-jun for one person and that's me! He is my perfect man, no one else's, and we're both virgins, and I'm God, so there! And if you have anything else to say about it, I'll- I dunno. I'll have Precious Blossom shrink Binghe's dick or something!

Shen Yuan: ...

Luo Binghe: A slightly smaller pillar might be more convenient, actually, but don't threaten Shizun. >:(

Our favorite hamster then gets to choke on his own spit, spin around on his cushion (half falling over in the process), and gape at the portal he hadn't noticed Luo Binghe and Mobei-jun just use to sneak into Shen Qingqiu's house.

There is silence for a moment before - in the most daring display of disloyalty he's ever made - Mobei-jun calmly pushes Binghe out of the way, ignores his indignant 'I am your emperor how very dare you-!' squawks, picks up Shang Qinghua by the back of the robes, and walks back through the portal with him.

Shen Yuan: Well that just happened.

Binghe: Husband, what did Shang shibo mean about not having written any love interests for Mobei? What does his writing have to do with that?

Shen Yuan: ...I don't have enough tea and snacks for this.

(also there will be more of this, and we're gonna cut over to our icicle/hamster duo, I'm just very tired at the moment)

[seungisms]

🖇️📁 𝐒𝐊𝐙 … 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 '𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐇𝐈𝐃𝐄! 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆'

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff and general dumbassery

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: himbo!changbin, himbo!jisung, tiktok pranks and danni's shitty attempt at comedy

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: ngl i made felix shorter than the rest cause i just know his ass would'nt fall for this shit, my guy would probably be the one to do this prank on u 😭 similar to my last tiktok prank reaction, check it out here! reblog for a kiss, feedback much appreciated!

𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍

your stupid tiktok pranks are the bane of this mans existence

such a boomer

stares at you like (ಠ_ಠ) as you’re trying to push him into your room to hide

he already has to deal with seven other idiots causing him emotional distress on a daily basis and yet here you are joining in?

breaks into a sweat as soon as the word ‘boyfriend’ leaves your lips

literally like ???? idk if you knew this but,,, I’M your boyfriend 

will dig his feet into the carpet as you’re trying to push him through the door and won’t move until you explain yourself >:(

you just think he looks sososo cute confused and frustrated so you crack pretty quickly 

after u explain he just does that disappointed dad sigh™️ and walks away 

if u weren’t such a cutie he would’ve ditched ur ass by now istg

𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐇𝐎

so close to snapping 

can’t deal with ur shit anymore

(he loves you really)

(but fr he’s on his last straw, you stress him out)

literally just chilling on one of his rare days off scrolling through his phone when you strike

now ur all up in his face like ‘bro u need to hide! my boyfriend is on his way!!’

legit just stares you out for a minute straight before just

‘get tf away from me 😃’

and you can tell he’s not gonna fall for another one of ur stupid pranks but u also can’t give up now cause u made a bet with felix so

‘no i’m serious! he’s like two minutes away, hide!!’

will continue sitting there

trust me he thinks ur really cute but he also wishes you’d just stfu once in awhile

if you continue on with your little prank he’ll just turn around and say ‘nah, i kinda wanna meet this guy now’

there’s no winning with his stubborn ass trust me

𝐒𝐄𝐎 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐁𝐈𝐍

was asleep

so peaceful

then suddenly a wild girlfriend (you) appears

you felt kinda bad for disturbing him cause !! he looked so cute !! all pouty and sleepy

but still tiktok pranks reign superior than ur boyfriends sleep

so fking confused and doesn’t know what tf is going on

his fight or flight kicks in as soon as ur panicked whisper of ‘quick! my boyfriend is on his way, you need to hide!’ hits his ears

tucks and rolls right underneath that bed

will peek out from under the bed and be like ‘this good? 👍’ pls

himbo!changbin for the win

will hide for a good half hour before he realises 

hey

wait

i’m the boyfriend

bitches about it for at l e a s t two weeks

𝐇𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐘𝐔𝐍𝐉𝐈𝐍

gets so worked up about it lmao

will be in the middle of a nice ~peaceful~ snack 

before being rudely interrupted

just stares u in the face with that real bitchy eye squint he loves to do

‘oh u think ur funny’

and you almost give up on the prank cause he’s just giving you the side eye while munching on his snack

loves to make you feel dumb 

he gets so annoyed over it but the more you insist on him to hide the more he actually starts to believe it

deep down he knows it’s a joke but also gets jealous over this non-existent side piece you have <3

‘okay fine, ill hide. but only cause ur cute.’

hides all grumpy in the storage cupboard with his snack

all you can hear are angry chewing noises

(ex: soobin)

another one to bring this up in future and bitch over it

whenever you ask him to help you with smith he’ll just be like

‘oh why don’t you get your boyfriend to help you’ and walks away

petty af but we been knew

but he’s pretty so you let him have it

𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐉𝐈𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

so :o

listens very intently as you explain that your boyfriend is on his way and immediately goes into panic mode

‘okay i have a plan’

freaks out and drags you into the empty space below your stairs while shushing you

1/3 bimboracha 

‘he won’t find us here’

doesn’t understand why ur laughing ??? this is serious ???

9/10 chance he doesn’t know what’s actually going on

another one that takes way too long to figure out that he’s your boyfriend 

so close to organising an intervention against ur tiktok pranks

will make a 20 minute powerpoint on why tiktok should be banned in the dorms and will make you sit through the whole thing

idk just don’t do this to him, his dramatic ass wouldn’t be able to handle it

𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐗

lee felix tiktok king™️

already knows what you’re trying to do before you even do istg

he’s ten steps ahead of you at all times with this tiktok shit

catches you looking at him out of the corner of your eye all morning and giggling and kinda had an idea of what you were planning

also he saw ur tiktok likes

this isn’t a cute little prank anymore this is a competition

on guard as soon as you strike and ready to shut that shit down

‘felix, quick hide in my closet! my boyfriend is gonna be here soon!!’

literally just goes

‘i’m ur boyfriend stupid’

and that’s that

there’s no fooling him

𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐌𝐈𝐍

you planned to strike while he was asleep cause that’s the only time ur sure he won’t just immediately dismiss you and be like ‘tf are you on?’

swats you away a good three times as you try to shake him awake

does that grumpy teenager thing where he pulls the covers over his head and just hopes you’ll leave

if he can’t see u then u can’t see him

groans as soon as he hear that stupid tiktok line leave your mouth

just goes

‘okay?? i’m asleep anyway??? literally just hang out with him in the living room and go away???’

does not give a shit

you really wanna get him though

so you invite hyunjin over

and as soon as he hears another guys voice coming from the living room you bet ur ass he’s practically throwing himself down those stairs

just stares at you and hyunjin 

so fking out of breath

grumpily walks back up those stairs and you s w e a r  you heard him mumble ‘bitch’ under his breath 😭

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐉𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍

confused

but also will do whatever you say cause he’s whipped af

human personification of that one hamster meme when you come rushing up to him freaking out about how your boyfriend was on his way over

panics with u

he doesn’t like seeing you stressed :( 

but in the middle of ur ranting he’s like

‘okay wait i can just hide in there- wait, boyfrIEND?! BUT I’M UR BOYFRIEND!!!1!!!!!11!!’

literally doesn’t know what to do when you just shush him

stays hiding in there until you take pity on him and tell him to come out

does his little walk of shame out and just stands there for a good five minutes staring at you

has never felt betrayal like it

has trust issues now

© 𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐬𝐦𝐬 — 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝. 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠/𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝.

[rainbowchaox]

Pissa Reunion Masterpost: (Literally there’s so much content we got this is gonna be hella long pls help me)

FIRST OFF YA DONTCHA SEE WHY THE PISSA NATION IS LOCO OVER THIS DUO? WE HAVE BEEN STARVING. PHILZA ALWAYS BEEN LOYAL TO ONE WET CAT! And that is Missa. And secondly I got most of the earlier half of stream information from the lovely @pepper-mintzyy. Give your liveblogger some love and care.

First off the scene where Missa comes online and Phil is all “WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!” And Cellbit immediately saying “Oh this your husband?” And Phil immediately saying yes without the platonic. THEN THEY PROCEED TO HAVE A FULL BLOWN BOAT DATE with legit felps being such a third wheel he legit says “Continue on forget I’m here”. Also the fact Cellbit pointed out “OH that’s why you have a skull on your backpack it’s because of your husband” and Phil immediately agreeing and Missa whimpering.

They literally like lowkey forgot they were on a mission and immediately was smitten with each other they high-key forgot the mission and people around them. The fact our wet cat almost dead rushed in to save Mr hardcore himself. The amount of times Phil has to save his husband. The fact Missa bought gifts for Philza IRL.

The fact when catching up Phil was all like “Oh we have another egg” not even thinking twice about accepting his husband as Tallulah second adopted father. The fact Missa was like “You are such a good father” in the down bad voice he is always in.

Literal highkey their cubitos flirting saying smooth shit like “Like the good old days" "nothings changed” and "the one thing that made you stand out". Like full on giggling and laughing and just chilling in each other company. The amount of time they were distracted by the actual major lore by each other just being there after so long is insane. Honestly believe not for others present they would not have reached the objective.

Phil being so sweetly protective of Missa and always making sure he is right next to him. Also the amount of soft showing off he did towards Missa is insane. The fact Phil numero uno priority is Missa and chayanne always. That has never changed despite Missas absence. The fact Missa never left his simpage for Philza and immediately seeing Phil be awesome and is “I c-can see your PECS”. Like bruh he is so down bad.

The fact Philza immediately seeing his husband getting wrecked by mobs decided then and there to give him SO MUCH GEAR LATER. Philza lanuage of love Definitely is Gift Gifting and Acts of service. The fact during Philza introduction to the new players Missa kept saying stuff like “That’s my love! that’s my love!”.

Missa soon had to leave to be a part of a Minecraft event of sorts. But right after he got back online because he wanted to se his husband and son. (Sadly chayanne already went to bed). The amount of miscommunication the death duo went through (With mainly bad being a third wheel and trying to cause problems in their relationship). Landduo was legit preventing poor Missa to go and see his man.

Missa literally only escaped because dapper told him just ask and he will kill LOLOLOL. He went home and forever and him had a whole conversation and apology. That they are friends now. Missa saying stuff Philza is not someone to be won etc. and Philza literally ditched tubbo and Cellbit was like “Your husband needs help? Understandable” and yet again no corrections from Phil.

THEN THE MOST SOFTEST ROMANTIC LATE STREAM STUFF I HAVE EVER SEE HAPPENS. They met again and literally it’s like nothing has changed. Phil immediately showing off the baby skeletons because he knows Missa will enjoy the skeletons. Phil FINALLY giving Missa the slime armor he made for him ages ago.

I won’t lie watching it live gives off major date vibes (obviously about their cubitos in rp). Phil and Missa legit did that trope of someone good at archery teaching their love interest at the exp farm. They legit shared exp as well. The fact they keep giggling so much.

Philza seeing how bad the gear Missa has literally have him 20 upgrades including giving him a full bar of exp on his backpack. Again gift giving and acts of service is clearly Philza love lanuage. LITERALLY MISSA STARED AT THE SKULL AMD NODDED QUICKLY TO HIS CHAT. The amount of avocado toast Phil keeps throwing at Missa and putting in his backpack. Gotta know his husband is eating well I guess. Philza casually saying that the “Wall is ours” to Missa.

The fact Missa immediately wanted to have a hat like Philza on his backpack then a player head of his to match his beloved husband. Earlier he tricked the translator and said “I speak weird so the translator won’t pick it up- I love you”. Casually like that sentence didn’t break all the pissa enjoyers brain for 24 hours.

Dapper casually saying “Glad to see the love birds are on the mend” about them. Literally one of us. Iconic king. THE FACT Philza while talking about Tallulah said she was “Our Daughter” to Missa. Bad trying to cause drama meeting the brick wall of Missa adoration. Aka him screaming “Philza the best!!!!”. The fact they both tried to go offline the same but Missa felt bad and had to said bye to everyone. The fact Missa went offline right next to the house.

WE WERE FEED. PISSA NATION STAYS WINNING! And we are gonna continue to get food. As Missa promised to try to stream four times a week. So maybe maybe….second gay Qsmp wedding-

[yakumtsaki]

Dear readers, we've been through so much together and you know at this point it takes a lot for me to describe a situation as 'out of control'.. yet here we are. So Kea moves in and the following happens in the span of like 2 hours:

Barth beats up Felina.

Kea beats up Spice.

Barth beats up Cyan.

Felina beats up Barth. Like seriously, ENOUGH. I've decided that next generation when we're at the third cousin tier relation I'm just gonna let whoever wants to date a cousin do it because holy hell, breaking them up has been a disaster. Everyone is near aspiration failure, everyone has shit grades, we're BROKE, and to top it all off..

-HELLO AGAIN

Why. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING WE DON'T OWE ANY BILLS LIKE THIS IS LITERAL THEFT. I also love how everyone is already so miserable so the repoman just comes and takes all the fun objects we can't afford to replace, FML

Barth's aspiration meter is absolutely pathetic as a result of everyone viciously assaulting him and desperate times call for desperate measures..

-Well well.. If it isn't Glitched Butler #9.. How's it hanging? ;)

-Same as always, I'm here to not cook and to open the doors we no longer have thanks to Baby.

-You know what, I'm too depressed to seduce you so will you just sleep with me?

-As you well know my butler programming prohibits me from doing anything helpful!

FFS. It's ok Barth, I will fulfill your throw a party want, I don't see how anything could go wrong with the situation in this house being what it is!

-Hey there! Join our party! Sleep with me! I COMMAND YOU

Barth please get it together.

-I CAN'T FUNCTION ROMANTICALLY BECAUSE I'M SO SAD BUT I REFUSE TO THROW ANY WANTS THAT DON'T INVOLVE ME SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE

OK DO YOU MAYBE SEE THE PROBLEM WITH THAT APPROACH

-NO

-Ugh, Spice is so hot when he's crying after I beat him up.

Ok Kea, I'm only gonna ask this once: are you fucking kidding me????

-What? It's only natural to be attracted to your girlfriend's ex who is her cousin and your enemy.

I'm just gonna pretend I didn't see this shit and move on.

So I have invited several of Barth's existing and potential lovers to this party and my goal is to figure out who, if anyone, I'm gonna marry him to. Now please enjoy this sequence of events:

a) Barth is flirting with my current top spouse pick, Stella Terrano, and it's going great!

b) Barth leaves Stella Terrano to go sleep with GODDAMN GUNNAR. Since I can't seem to shake this fucker off, the only option remaining is to give him a ridiculous fake accent to make him bearable.

-Oi luvs you, Barth!

-Why are you talking like a servant from Downton Abbey? Also who the hell caught me cheating now?

Who knows or cares? Let's continue:

c) Barth goes downstairs to beat up Cyan.

d) Klara aka my former top spouse pick attempts to leap into Barth's arms and HE LETS HER DROP

-Äääääh mein arsch!

-Sorry Klara but I refuse to get caught cheating by Gunnar..

-..unless it's with Stella Terrano!

LOL OMG, I really thought I'd have to marry him to fucking Gunnar due to THIS SHIT:

But God's mercy finally shines upon me!!!

Oh man I'm so upset by this >:)

-Ha culd youse do 'is, ya broke ma 'eart!!!

-What?

-Oh my, turtles are considered the sexiest animal in my planet👽

Stella ffs. Oh well, so sad, goodbye Gunnar, I was really hoping to add your freakish lack of chin into our gene pool but looks like I won't have the chance huhu!

e) Barth flirts with Stella again and is caught cheating AGAIN..

f) ..by Sarah Love who I keep forgetting exists but man that's a HARDCORE slap, she legit got her fingers in his eyeball(s)

-SORRY WHATSYOURNAME BUT I THINK BLINDING ME IS A BIT OF AN OVERREACTION

Yay! See Barth, our amazing party did the trick and now everything is gonna be ok!

-IM BLIND IM BLINDDDD I CAN'T SEE

Excuse me?! You know what Barth I'm done helping you, nothing is ever good enough for you!

[frownyalfred]

You know these scenes where Bruce just switches between his personas like a tennis match? Like the thing Adam West's Bruce Wayne did? I love them SO much! And now I'm here imagining all kinds of scenarios.

Like. He's with the JLA and he's Bruce Freaking Wayne, so he has all kinds of contacts and reach and stuff. And bc of shenanigans he has to call someone in a high position of power and convince them to do something. Now here's the problem: The guy doesn't care for any heroes and blackmail wouldn't work for whatever reason, but he owes a huge favor to Wayne but also thinks Brucie Wayne is legit a huge dumbass and can't get anything done. That's where the Justice League comes in. The League is the serious party that makes the terms and Brucie cashes that enormous favor in, EXCEPT, they want that powerful guy to do something in Gotham, which means he wants to talk with Batman, and also have Wayne there as a way to get him to back out and forget about the favor. He thinks that would work because he expects the Bat to do something to piss off Bruce or for Bruce to think this is too much responsibility for him to have. Which basically just boils down to Bruce having to argue with himself, which he should be a master at at this point, and change his voice and word choice every two sentences.

And the League jumps in a few times to help settle matters and soothe bruised egos (between B and B and the guy. Batman just subtly insults the man the longer this goes on) while being really weirded out by a Batman with Brucie Wayne's voice. Like, they'll play along but how did they get here???

Or this but with the Batkids. Just imagine a four-way-version of this, except Bruce plays the roles Father of Five(or more, depending on how you look at it) and Batman and then Damian comes in and speaks as himself plus someone he can't stand (he has perfect voice mimicry as far as I know), so he'd be forced to see things out of the other person's perspective while keeping his own stance and not loosing his temper when he starts insulting himself bc they would be arguing at this point. And the rest are watching while eating popcorn, silently shaking their heads, bc what insanity is this?

OR Bruce gets arrested in his early Batman years and his plan involves making it look like he's been interrogated by Batman. He deactivates the cameras and blocks the door and covers the two-way mirror, so only his voice can get through the door where the cops are listening in and halfheartedly trying to break the door down. They have to help the billionaire, so he doesn't make them problems like sue them, but they also don't care or hate him bc he gets in their way a lot with his "no-corruption" policy. And no one asks themselves how Batman could have possibly entered or escaped the room without anyone noticing, bc "that guy's a freaking vampire or some shit, obviously he can do that, Steve".

Anyway, just wanted to share my ideas. Feel free to ignore this, or use this as inspiration if you want. Or anyone else.

I love this anon! The image of Bruce switching between voices must be obscenely funny and yet disconcerting.

[mazzystar24]

…… i can’t wait until these people are gone

This is in fact the ask that the draft didn’t save for so if my answer is worse than the original I will cry

My eye is legit twitching

So we all know this is bs but let’s go through point by point for why this is bs

“Eddie hasn’t done anything like that for him” (dropped everything and helped him) - this is honestly down to how they act with their emotions, Eddie bottles things until they turn into an emergency drop everything and deal with it situation but buck will have ongoing issues that he’ll need help with and he’ll seek it as it happens (e.g his parents or his injuries etc) and when he does Eddie IS there and shows up for him and helps him but we haven’t had him be in sort of a drop everything scenario (except the Buckley family dinner scene and we don’t know where he went after but the scene we see after that is buck talking to who? Eddie)

“Constantly makes jokes about bucks trauma” - as someone with ptsd and my own fair share of trauma and with traumatised friends I feel like once a certain level of rapport is reached you can joke with eachother about traumas 1. They both do it (e.g bucks “didn’t you just have one of those?”) 2. It’s never in emotional or vulnerable moments 3. It never crosses a line 4. Bold criticism considering Tommy made a daddy kink joke and a comment abt how bucks dad is still alive when buck was opening up abt why Bobby matters sm to him 5. It’s received and delivered well 6. It’s not actually constantly it’s a handful at most and the most outright one is abt the tsunami and that was HIS trauma too dont y’all forget my dude thought his son was dead for a hot minute

Told his team buck needed to get over being crushed by a fire truck- in that scene the writers did everything but flat out say he was projecting, when he’s talking abt bottling things up and his dads advice and all that stuff and the audience KNOWS that he’s just been through a bunch of traumas that he’s bottling up and “getting over” for the sake of Chris, they’re basically flat out telling you he’s projecting, now the minute that hen and bobby point out that buck feels alone what does Eddie do? He drags him out of bed and attempts to motivate him launching “operation buck up buck” in chimneys words, now mind the fact that he doesn’t do this for himself or give himself the same kindness because he genuinely believes you deal with things by ignoring them (reminder this is untherapised Eddie two eps away from fight club) but despite believing that he knows it’s what buck needs so he does it for him

He’s never once apologised for buck and made buck apologise to him- I’m assuming this is abt lawsuit era, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again no one in the lawsuit era was perfect that’s the whole point, either they’re all in the wrong or they’re all excused because they all had their reasons, Bobby kept buck behind and lied but he was scared to lose him, Buck sued and didn’t tell anyone and went no contact and shared personal shit but he’s just been through a bunch of trauma and his father figure and the man who was by his side the whole time through rehab basically said it isn’t good enough (in bucks brain) and that all that work still means he can’t get back to doing his life’s purpose, Eddie has had hit after hit trauma after trauma with no time to breathe in between AND THEN HIS BEST FRIEND GOES NO CONTACT BECAUSE OF WHAT BOBBY DID AND HE SUES BOBBY AND THE DEPARTMENT WITHOUT TALKING IT OUT WITH ANYONE AND SHARES PERSONAL INFO THAT HIS LAWYER THROWS IN HIS FACE, and while dealing with all the aforementioned trauma Eddie has to deal with Chris’ trauma and Chris missing buck and Eddie not being able to do anything abt it, so yeah honestly he WAS owed an apology (but again imo all sides have justification) and it’s not like he was a dick to buck for an extended period of time, he lasted one shift being bitchy and giving silent treatment and then buck had one emotional talk with puppy eyes and an apology and Eddie instantly was like ofc I forgive you🙄just don’t do it again☝️🤨 and again bold criticism when buck apologised to Tommy for what? Not being ready to come out to his friend in public after exactly one queer kiss and mid first queer date?? And then got ditched on the side of the road by Tommy???

He never once acted like a good friend outside of the will and the hospitals- “you don’t have to be anything for anyone, no one is the same from one day to the next and things like this change us so what changed in you?” “Did you say anything that wasn’t true? Well look maybe you could’ve come at it a little differently but if that’s how you feel, how they made you feel you have every right to say so” “that’s not your fault”“I had to do it- I know you did” “and what you think you failed? I failed that kid more times than I care to count and I’m his father but I love him enough to keep trying and I know that you do too” “there is no one in this world I trust with my son more than you”“you saved him, that’s how he remembers it and now its his turn to do the same to you” “now am I allowed to ask how you are?” “ you died buck you’re gonna feel a lot of different ways about that…I found the best way is to let yourself feel it” - and that’s not even all of them just a few favourites but my thumbs are sore

Eddie has left buck out from so many things and never realised it was wrong- 7x04 is literally the only time we’ve seen that and remember Tim said the whole episode is bucks perspective and I said this before the ep even aired in this ask but it’s still true that for Eddie I think he just genuinely is so secure in their friendship that he didn’t think buck would be insecure abt it and when he does he is actually the one who puts it together and sends Tommy to buck - I go a little more in depth in this post that turned out to be a draft that I freed from my drafts just for this ask also what did we see him exclude buck from? Basketball that he doesn’t like and that he’s asked him to join in multiple times? Watching a fight that he had no previous interest in? Muay Thai that he doesn’t know how to do and again showed no previous interest in? Like when buck and Eddie are close y’all say they’re codependent and unhealthy and when Eddie has other friends y’all say he’s a bad friend?

Tommy was the one who apologised to him - at EDDIES URGING BECAUSE BRO WAS LAID UP AFTER BUCK SPRAINED HIS ANKLE???😭😭

“Tommy has been doing all the things Eddie hasn’t” - youre so right actually like putting a damper on bucks mood or having a racist past or having like 10 lines and the majority of them being sardonic and kinda insensitive, making an emotional moment into a sexual one and having like 5 minutes of screentime 🤩🎀

Wow babe I have a degree in yappology and a minor in ranting for real sorry for the long response 😭😭😭