#LetterToMom

[karrenseely]

A Letter to my bio mother.

A few years ago my mother wrote me out of the blue, after having not spoken to me for 20 years. She ignored me when I finally managed to graduate college despite all she'd done to me, she (and the rest of the family) ignored me at my father's funeral, she ignored me when I graduated from medical school. That first year after she and dad disowned me I wrote to them about once a month. I never got a response. That Christmas I stopped by our house and dropped off Christmas presents for everyone (Mom, Dad, Sister). Mom wouldn't even look at me and retreated into the house. Dad basically told me to go away, I didn't belong there anymore. It hurt, a lot. Then a few weeks went by, and I got a box in the mail, I was excited because the return address was my old home, I thought maybe, they've finally accepted me and come to their senses. I opened the box and was immediately crushed, they had sent back all the gifts I'd worked so hard to find for them, unopened, still in there wrapping paper. So needless to say, I was very surprised to see she had messaged me on FB, and that old hope resurfaced once again. I opened the message and was crushed... once again. She had sent me a message to yell at me. This is the letter I would have liked to send back. Instead, I blocked her because it hurt so much, even now I second guess that decision because a part of me still wishes she could have loved the daughter she had.

The message I am responding to: "I just saw your go fund me page. Our hope in "cutting you off" was to leave enough time and space for you to grow up and really think about the huge step you were wanting to take. It didn't help that YOU told us it was our fault and then demanded that we pay all your medical expenses to have the surgery. You are as much to blame for the family separation as your Dad and I are. I will accept my part of that blame. I knew when we did it that we might never see you again but it was a risk both of us were willing to take because we were hoping you would not choose to take such a difficult path through life. It was a gamble and we lost, but so did you. You have a wonderful, intelligent, funny, sweet, smart family members you have never even met. Erin's kids, Paul and Kayla. Your loss, believe me. They are great great kids and that is not a comment just from their grandmother. We hear it all the time from other adults that get to know them. When you left I lost my only son, then I lost him again when you had the operation. Not having children you can not begin to comprehend the depth of that pain. Losing a parent doesn't even come close. God gave me a second chance to have a son in my stepson, Karl, and now that has been snatched away from me as well because he committed suicide in April. Do not underestimate the amount of pain and loss your family has gone through because of your choices. Your Dad, Mother, Grandma Seely, Grandpa Seely, and all your aunts and uncles grieved for you and the person we all knew and loved named [Deadname]. Fortunately, your Grandfathers never knew what you were doing as it would have destroyed both of them. Life changes ALWAYS leave huge ripples in the pond. I wish you well in your chosen life but don't place all the blame on the family YOU chose to leave behind."

Dear Mom,

I do not understand you. I am your daughter. I have always been your daughter. On some level I'm sure you've always known this. I'm sure as a toddler I said I was a girl. I remember doing lots of things that were not typical for a little boy, but certainly were for a little girl. So I'm sure you knew, though you denied it. You denied me.

I will always be grateful to you for letting me play dolls and barbie with my sister, for letting me get a doll instead of a transformer, for teaching me how to cross stitch, knit, and encouraging me to read. For teaching me how to do household chores and how to cook. For making sure I took my medicine and staying up with me at night when my asthma was bad, for sending me to camp Not-A-Wheeze, for not letting me die on those horrid nights when I couldn't breathe. For saving my ankle and my ability to walk. For going to bat for me when that teacher really didn't like me because I had such a hard time acting like a boy.

But this is also why you hurt me so deeply. Because I mistook you loving the son you thought you had, that you wanted, for loving me. I was hurting so much. By the time I came to you, I was desperate. I was already self harming, though you never knew. I had already gone through the process of accepting I was trans, not that I liked it, but it was the only way I knew of to find any relief from the torment of not being allowed to be me. I was dying. I was already fighting the shame I'd been taught. I'd already learned it was bad to be a girl, and that it was doubly bad to be girl that everyone insisted was a boy. I had desperately tried to hide it, I was terrified of being friends with girls, because I thought if I was, someone would learn my horrible shameful secret. I had been dealing with these feelings for years before I came out to you. And I knew, if I didn't get help, I wasn't going to survive. So I came to you. But you denied my feelings and called it a phase... except this phase had lasted for years, when I look back, it lasted as long as I could remember, though I didn't understand that at the time.

I was so lost and confused, my parents didn't believe me. I didn't know what to do, so I tried to last a little bit longer. I think I came out to you again. This time you denied I was your daughter again. Things were bad, really really bad. By that time, puberty had already started and was destroying what little comfort I could find in my body, worse, to my horror, my voice started to drop. I knew there was treatment to stop this from happening, and I so desperately needed it. But everytime I asked for help I was denied. Worse, anytime I couldn't hide the fact that I was your daughter you yelled at me, shamed me, made me believe I was freak, a pervert, a monster. I felt so helpless, so hopeless, and so very very alone. I broke. I know I stopped growing mentally at that point. I dissociated so much, that what memories I have are fragmented, and I got stuck at age 15/16 for years. I couldn't cope with the world anymore. Somewhere in there you sent me to a counselor. I didn't know you were hoping he would erase me. And he hurt me, he hurt me so much. I thank the gods and the universe that you didn't force me to continue seeing him, and instead sent me to the only female psychologist in that office... but it was in that office, it was impossible to fully trust her, I never was able to talk about how I was really feeling, because I never felt safe in that office.

I stopped feeling safe at home too, after I came out to you. My parents who were supposed to love, accept, and support me, instead turned on me. Demanded I explain why I existed, why I knew I was a girl. Adult's can't even explain this, and you demanded this of me, a child. And no matter what explanation I managed to draw up, it was never enough for you. Instead you twisted it, and used it to dismantle any self worth I had, any sense of safety I had with you. For some reason, looking back I have no idea why, I trusted you right up to the day you disowned me. I thought I deserved everything you did to me. I thought that if you didn't love me, then no one could. I never even tried talking to my only two real friends I had after you disowned, as I was convinced they would hate me too if I came out to them. Thankfully, I was wrong about that.

Sometime later, I began to learn that what you did to me was wrong, I began to understand it was abuse, but it didn't really sink in, until I was at a queer youth retreat and one of the sessions was about the power and control wheel. It was then that I really saw what you had done to me, that what you were doing to me was abuse. You gaslit me from the day I was born, and everytime I tried to tell you otherwise, you told me I was crazy, I was shameful, I was broken, I sick, I was wrong, I was sin incarnate. You did everything you could to try to control and erase me short of outright murder. Worse, you actually told me you wanted me dead. What kind of mother tells her daughter she wants her daughter dead?

At some point, my maternal grandmother got a hold of me. I think it was a letter via snail mail. I learned that she still wanted to have a relationship with me. She didn't understand, and she constantly misgendered me and dead-named me, but she at least talked to me and welcomed me into her home. Then a few years later after she moved into assisted living for awhile, she disappeared. There was no forwarding address, I had no way to contact her, you stole her away from me. By that time she didn't have the cognitive faculty to get a hold of me on her own. I never saw her again. You took away the only living relative that still wanted a relationship with me... Then years later, you dangled her contact information in front of me, like I had done something wrong by not talking to her all that time. And you told me she was dying. But by that time I had already grieved for her, I couldn't go through that heart break again, and she was so far into her dementia that she wouldn't remember me anyway... why reopen those old wounds. Today I understand that was my CPTSD (from you, my peers, and society's abuse) telling me to avoid anything that would hurt.

Then, seven years ago... gods has it been seven years? It still hurts so much. Seven years ago, you apparently found out about my project to try and create a halfway house for homeless LGBT+ kids. You decided to write me the last message I ever got from you. You blamed me for what you did. That somehow it was my fault that you disowned me. You know, that day that you cut me out of your life, out of our entire family, you showed me your love was conditional. I remember you telling me that you'd take me back if I only would continue to pretend to be a boy for you, but you would be monitoring me to make sure I wasn't letting the real me out. You shattered the love and trust I had in you.

Even if I figured out somehow that I was wrong and I was a boy, how could I go back to you? To parents who never really loved me enough to let me figure everything out, to parents whose love was so conditional. And yet you say you did it for me. That is a lie. You did it for yourselves in a last ditch effort to try and continue to control me to be your imaginary son. You didn't do this to help me understand "what a huge step [I} was wanting to take." I was already well aware, I had spent years figuring that shit out even before the first time I came to you looking for help. I knew what I was in for, I'd had flashes of it for years in the abuse I suffered from my peers when they saw the girl I was trying to hide. I knew it from all the research I had done, from the fellow trans people I knew online by that time.

I didn't choose to be disowned. You chose to not love me, accept me, or support me. You chose to disown me. I didn't have any say in the matter. And yes, how you chose to respond to my distress, my suffering IS your fault. Shaming me for being your daughter when you wanted your imaginary son. Shaming me for being a girl, for teaching me that I was something that needed to be hidden, something horrible, something icky, for forbidding me from talking to my sister about it, the only other person I had ever considered talking to about it after coming out to you, why? The only conclusion I could reach at that age is that I was so sick, so horrible, I would somehow corrupt her too. So I obeyed you and no, I never told her. She learned some of it on her own, but because I wasn't allowed to talk to her about it, she considered me a pervert. I never discussed any of it with her... not until after you disowned me.

So yes it is your fault. I WAS A CHILD! Worse, I was your child! Of Course I thought you would help me! It's why I came to you in the first place, it's why I kept coming to you. Because I WAS YOUR CHILD! I was your daughter and I was suffering so much. The only two paths I could see, that I could ever see was death or finally getting to be me, in a body that didn't constantly hurt me so much. But you denied me all of that. You denied me. You chose to do all of that to me. For what? For an imaginary son that never existed? You broke me. Of Course I blame you for that. I blame you for all the emotional abuse, neglect, and medical neglect you did to me. You were my mother, you were supposed to love ME, not some imaginary person you wanted instead, but ME. It is beyond twisted to me that you think I am as much to blame for what you chose to do to me. I didn't have a say in the matter. I had two options: live and be myself (while apparently losing everyone I ever loved) or dying. I chose to live. I refused to die for you. You haven't accepted any blame at all. You never did. All you do is try to gaslight me into believing that my being your daughter is somehow my fault. I didn't get the choice. You decided to create me. You decided to give birth to me. You decided to accept the responsibility of raising me. And then when I refused to be what you wanted... you threw me away like garbage. The only reason you never saw me again is because you never accepted that you had a daughter instead of a son. You never loved me. You wanted me dead and told me so yourself. With everything I went through growing up, it's a miracle I survived. To this day, I don't know how I did. Not with how much you tried to destroy me. You gambled with my life, hoping I would choose to continue to pretend to be your son, that I would continue to endure the constant torture of not being me. I would not have survived that. I barely survived at all.

Thank you for reminding me how much you took away from me. You took away my parents, my sister, my extended family. You took away everyone I ever loved. Thank you for reminding me that I have never been allowed to meet my niece and nephew, who by now are adults living their own lives. I pray to this day that neither of them were LGBT+, given the family they grew up in... it would have been a nightmare for them. I still grieve that they never tried to get in touch with me, that my sister never allowed me to be part of their lives.

You said when you disowned me you "lost [your] only son." But that's the whole problem. You never had a son. And you refuse to see this. To this day, you deny my existence, and blame me for it. And you assume I don't have kids. I have 3 wonderful kids who are becoming adults as we speak, or are approaching adulthood far to rapidly for my liking. They are amazing. And unlike my niece, nephew, and step brother, you chose to never have them be a part of your life. I am so proud of them. So please don't presume to know how I would understand the pain if I were to lose them. And please don't presume to think that the pain of losing a child is the same as losing everyone you ever loved, of knowing your parents hate you, of knowing your mom wanted you dead. The pain of knowing this when I was still just a child. These are two entirely different traumas. Please don't equate them. And please don't presume that it wasn't you who chose to throw your child away like she was garbage.

When father died, you ignored me, you tried to keep me away from his funeral. If my sister hadn't called me, I would never have known. And then at the funeral you never acknowledged my presence, no one from our family did. Instead you had your church lackeys try to push me out the door while I sat in that chair weeping, grieving. Did you know, that it was then that I finally understood you were not ever going to love me, accept me, or ever be a positive part of my life.

My grandfathers never knew the real me, because you made me believe telling them would kill them. I remember I tried reaching out to one of my uncles once, but it was such a hard conversation, and it only felt like they wanted to get off the phone. They never called me back or tried to reach out to me. No one except my maternal grandmother ever reached out to me in any positive way. So please don't tell me they all grieved for me, they chose to never talk to me again. They chose to cut me out of their lives as much as you did. I have very little sympathy for them, given when you disowned me I was homeless. I couch surfed throughout that summer. I really needed their help, since you refused to help me. Had it not been for some amazing friends letting me stay with them, and helping me get back on my feet, I would have ended up on the streets, like so many homeless LGBT+ kids. They chose to do that to me, just as you did. So no, I won't cry any tears for them choosing to throw me away too.

You mentioned that I had a step brother, whom I was never able to meet. You seemed to think you could replace me with him. I feel so bad for him, that you would put that burden on him. And then before I even knew I had a step-brother, he took his own life. I wonder every day if it was because he was LGBT+ and the abuse he suffered killed him. I wonder all the time if you abused him like you abused me. I wonder, what if he had been able to talk to me, get support from me, if he'd still be here. It hurts to know he died by suicide, because I wonder if it was for the same reason I almost died. I will always wonder...

You wrote this letter hoping to hurt me I think. You succeeded. You hurt me again. I had managed to live my life, find a family for myself. A family that actually loves me for me. Whom I can share all the joys and sorrows of life with. Whom got to see the joy I experienced when I finally got to be myself. When I didn't have to hide anymore. Who got to see me graduate college, who got to see me go to medical school, who saw me graduate and flourish. With three wonderful children that I helped to raise, and 6 others that are like nieces and nephews to me. But out of the blue, you wrote to me, to try to hurt me again. For what? Because I wanted to help other LGBT+ kids who went through what I went through? How petty is that? And yet despite everything I had accomplished, everyone I loved currently. You still managed to find me and hurt me again.

The day I got that message from you, was the day I was finally able to make a choice about our relationship. I'd never been able to before. It was the day blocked you from contacting me on FB ever again. Please don't try to contact me again. You made your choice, and it is apparent to me that you will never acknowledge what you did to me. How much you hurt me. How 27 years later I'm still in therapy over what you did to me. I've long since lost hope that you'll ever tell me you love ME and that you're sorry.

Sincerely, your daughter, always,

Karren

[dearmomblog]

Hey Momma,

10 years, the last birthday of yours we shared together was 10 years ago. We knew you were sick, you refused to let it overshadow that afternoon, you refused to let it overshadow you living. In the years you've been gone I’ve tried to refuse to let missing you overshadow you, your memory, your lessons and your joy. Life has done what life does, these years have had ups, downs, inbetweens, extreme heartache and extreme joy. The muscle memory of picking up the phone to call you about each is still strong, I still believe you are on the other end of the line, I just have to use a different kind of phone. I don't see a day when I stop wishing I could pick up the phone and hear you say “tell me something good”.

The world has been a crazy place, I have plenty of fears and heartache I could share but I know you would follow those with a “tell me something good” so for your birthday here's just a few of the good things. 

Dad is killing it, the sacrifice and “voice on the phone” era has paid off. The way you both did, taking one step towards improvement, always, has taken him up the right up the ladder. I don’t think anyone could have imagined where he would end up when he walked into that bar with the giant bear. He would do his best to downplay it if he heard me saying it, but he has done great things. He is back managing people, still a judge, but he’s back in the people business. He would still tell you he’s not a people person but you would see right through that and take the same joy I do in knowing his team has a dude like him at the helm. His professional success is nothing to what he is doing as a Papa to Maya. The man was made to be a Papa. He makes the time, takes her on every adventure under the sun. From Train Town to zoos to museums, he shares lessons and joy with Maya that will last a lifetime. 

Speaking of Maya, Pamela has grown into a mom, a wonderful mom. Everytime I visit I see more of you in Pamela. She is raising that beautiful girl with your strength, teaching her to find your joy and fighting through down moments with your eye on the horizon. I think if I could tell you only one thing good, it would be the Momma your baby has become to her baby. It was your time to go before you could teach Pamela how to be a mom one step at a time but when I tell you that you taught her perfectly by example, Momma you nailed it and she is nailing it from those lessons everyday. You would be so so proud. 

Maya is amazing, I wish you could see her, she has your eyes and I wonder if you are seeing me, seeing her, seeing you? I don’t understand how it all works but I know I love every second I have with that girl. Maybe it's the circle of life, just what the universe does or just the magic of it all. You told me to trust the circle of life, have faith in the universe and to believe in magic, I am just going to do that… 

All My Love, Thank you for sticking with me and staying with me for every moment. 

[readerviddh]

Happiness is like waves, and it's for a short time like a wave goes away it will go away soon, learn to let go. Learn to let go everything that hurts you to find happiness again. ♥️ ~happy birthday maa 💌. . ▶️Maa ke haath ki chai or maa ke haath ka gajar ka halwa? Which one you would choose? Also a fav dish by your mother that you likes the most?. . It’s day 2 of #blogchattera2z and I am writing a letter to my mother. #linkinbio . . Also swipe ▶️ to know what you’ll win at the end of this challenge. #letteringcommunity #letteringdaily #letteringchallenge #lettering_co #letterings #letteringlove #letteringbeginner #calligraphy #happiness #positiveeverydayy #letter #lettersoflove #mother #lettertomom #birthday #blogs #challenge #bloggingchallenge #maa #instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvv_8evHthi/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13yxzkofunuwk

[adawntorimusic-blog]

Where'd You Go... . . . . Only time you take out is when you needed favors, Grammy always said, You needed Help or you need the Savior, Live in the same house, But we more like neighbors, You work so much, Forget your face sometimes, We more like strangers... . . Taken By 📷: @bladelouis Edited By 🎨: @lou.is.dead . . #poetry #wheredyougo #writtenart #emotions #lettertomom

[simplycydesigns]

Mothers Day Rose

https://www.etsy.com/listing/994369240/floral-mothers-day-card-letter-to-mom?ref=shop_home_active_7

This letter to mom is perfect to print on paper or cardstock and use as a card, or insert into a card. You can even utilize the PNG to edit through editing software and send digitally to Mom, Grandma or any mother figure you may have for Mothers Day.

Let mom know how special she is to you this Mothers Day

These are digital designs. No physical product will be mailed. You will be able to download your item(s) soon after placing your order. You will also receive an email from Etsy notifying you of the ability to download your designs.

#mothersdaygift #momsday #instantdownload #printable #etsysellersofinstagram #etsysellersoftwitter #etsysellersoffacebook #templates #rosemomaday #iloveyouletter #lettertomom #letterformom

[deymvinci-blog]

To the lady who carried me 9 months in her stomach,

Ive never been a perfect daughter. I shout at you, I cuss at you, I punch you, Im a total walking disaster. I have my flaws yet you accepted me 🌸 Im sorry. Im sorry for the disappointments, im sorry for everything. Coz no matter how hard i try, i always end up being a loser. Im sorry. Thank you. Thank you because you choose to let me live even though your heartaches with Dad are unforgivable. Thank you because I felt the love and I can't ask for more. Thank you for the care. Thank you for guiding me. Thank you because you never give up on me. Thank you Me (My) I love you me, no matter what people say about you. I don't care. They are not you, they don't know you. You are my weakness and whenever i hear people talking about you I cant control to fight then. I'd like to shout at their faces and stab them till they run out of breath. I wanted to make a list for them if they'd done something in this world. And i want to warn them. BUT I KNOW, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, SAME THING WONT CHANGE, BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT KIND OF SOCIETY IS. EVERYONE ARE JUST SO FCKNG NICE UNTIL THEY DRIVE YOU TO DEATH (line kinda familiar hahaha ps. fr 13RW) You are my oxygen without you I dont know what to do with my life. I'll be totally fcked up. So HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! 🎉 I LOVE YOU ME (MY) 😘👸 THE REAL QUEEN OF MY WORLD 💕 #Happymothersday #lettertomom #iloveyoumom

[thinkingquiteloudly]

I mentioned a while back that I am running a D&D actual play podcast. If you are intirested, but aren't sure about listening to our 18 show backlog, give this a listen. It's an in character overview of the last 18 episodes, and clocking in at just under 10 minutes it's 100% worth a listen!

[thechampatree]

A Letter To Moms With Married Sons

A #LetterToMoms With #MarriedSons

by Tasneem Dhinojawala

A heartfelt letter from a daughter-in-law to her mother-in-law. A letter to moms with married sons that every son and his mother must read!

A bride wants to feel loved, accepted and appreciated by her new family! But, often she is judged and most often- turned down. She is tired of criticism, of cutting remarks, of never feeling good enough. Here’s a letter one…

[therealmaeve]

Relationship

If by chance, I'd be on tears any moment. I hate myself. I hate myself for not loving my family most particularly to my parents, my mom. I hate her, really. Why? Because she killed me. Maeve Louise is already dead. The new Maeve is cold, not so good, mean, she has no friends, she no one only herself. But why is it everytime we are having a fight between me and my mom I always shout at her, fight back, and disrespect her? Why do I have to do that? She hates me. She don't love me. No one loves me and I am so torn. I ways feel this pain inside me. Sometimes I want to kill myself but can't. I want to say sorry. But heck I don't know how to say sorry because even me, I can't fully forgive myself. If ever my family was not okay, that's because of me. I am always the one who should be blame. Our relationship is not perfect. I envy whom her mother treats her daughter a bestfriend. I want to experience that but I guess I could've just imagine.

[crazetocake-blog]

to my mom

mom, i hate it when you compare me with brother, you always brag about him. i know he’s better then me, he go to medical school, and become a doctor, he took all the sciences class, and you very proud of it, and you disappointed at me because i’m not taking the science class. mom i ever told i’m not really in to science. you told me to zig, but mom i zag. you always want me to become a doctor, but that’s not what i want. i told you what i want, but you disagree with it. you never agree with me after all. i always wrong in your eyes, you don’t even know me that well, dad understand me better then you. but now dad not in a great condition anymore, i can’t talk to him like i used to. mom you have to know, i’m an introvert, so it’s hard for me to express my feelings, so please, when i’m talking to you, don’t cut me, i never cut you, you don’t want to listen to what saying. you know mom i’m scared with my future, i’m scared with what will happen in the future to me. and the top of that you made me scared to go to the university, what major i should take. because in all the major i interested, seems like you don’t like it, so i don’t know what to do. mom please understand me more, because i always try to understand you. my i love you, but sorry i love dad better.

[thirst-for-more]

The kitchen staff wrote down how to make #bamboorice #bamboo #rice foru s! So #tasty! Now trying to understand... and translate for my mother hihi. #lettertomom #recipe #japanesefood #seasonalfood #japan #travel

[lungagaxa]

A Sons Love

Mom at times i feel this pain inside me because i know your struggle. I know how sometimes you smile even though you do not want to. I know you sacrifice everything to provide for your family. I cant forget that you the woman who first taught me how to love Gods people. They don't know who you are mom and because they see you sweet they want to take advantage of you.I need you to be strong for me now, because YOU my only weakness. Never allow them to change you because that will change me. I am so blessed to still have you in my life as i take the next phase to my destiny.

I love you Mom

*It hurts to watch you work this hard even after all these years. I promise to set you free one day Mom, even if its the last thing i do! One day all your hard work will pay off. One day il show you that the sacrifice was worth it. Mom im shedding tears writing this thinking about our lives. I would never change anything that i have gone trough because you have been by my side the entire time. Damn, i don't know what i have done to be so blessed in life. Il make you proud everyday mom i promise. No more excuses from my side. You deserve the best my Queen and il will work hard to get you everything you never dreamed about coz i will dream big for you!*

[iblacgoddess-blog]

Post 1 .

Sometimes I lie and think this is just a horrible nightmare that I still haven't woken up from . Then reality sets once I can't call to hear your voice . Or see that beautiful smile . But I think of how far I've come and realize all isn't lost . Just a cycle . Happiness , Hurt , Repeat . Your not gone . Phases , stages , and ages . I'll make your proud ! - Chocolate Drop aka Your daughter JAZ

[maybeyoullunderstand-blog]

Mother RIP

Dear mom, I'm sorry it's been almost 2 years since I've been to your grave. Every time I drive by the cemetery, I want to stop and say hello, but you know how I get. Hopefully I can actually walk up to your grave today without collapsing and the world becoming a blur in front of me. I wish I knew you, but with your journals I feel like I am getting to know you. Sometimes I'll pretend you're standing there watching me play with your grand-kid, and you sing along with us and smile that smile you gave me. I hope you like the woman that I'm becoming. I love you no matter what anyone tells me. I know you were hurting and I wish I could have been your shield. It wasn't your fault and I wish I could tell you that. I wish you knew how many times I called for you when they would lock me away. I never believed their lies about you never wanting anything to do with me. I knew it in my heart, I could feel it. Every star I see, I imagine it's you looking down at me. Every wish I make, I become the mother I never knew. I love you, Julie. Rest in peace.

[supermudra]

Made this blog especially for my mother. 

'Di ako showy nor I am expressive enough to make her feel how much I love and appreciate her. 

This may be a way for her to know how thankful I am for the Father that she is the guardian angel sent to us.

I wish the feeling is mutual. Hahaha Baka masaya ako na siya binigay sa aming nanay, si mama pala di masaya na kami naging anak niya. LOL! 

I know, I know. Mom loves my sister and I so much she'd sacrifice her own needs to suffice our wants and needs. 

I love you, Ma.

Wish I could repay you for the things you've done for us. I, we may not repay everything but at least we could repay you in a way that would make you so so proud that all your sacrifices were all worth it. 

Will blog more about my super mom soon. :)

[rhunaweay]

Sorry for being a bad daughter Omma.