#Like he's too repressed and I find that repulsive in a man

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Because it looks like you’re already losing it do you have any extra thoughts on his voice lines? Mystery Shop Translations has them!

[Referencing this post!]

Yes, I know Mystery Shop TLs has the deets 👀 I'm the one that requested Rollo's voice lines dhabydsbiosaivfbifsan

To avoid spoiling anyone that hasn't had the chance to read his voice lines yet, I'll place my thoughts on them below the cut.

First thing's first! It seems like Rollo will be staying at NRC for a short amount of time. It’s disrupting the daily routine he usually has, so I wonder how he’ll adapt…? Apparently, this is because he has come to study at NRC for a brief period. So maybe there's some kind of student exchange program meaning we may get other "special" students in the future...

Rollo sounds SO unhappy (but in an emotionally-repressed way) when he says he would prefer not to step foot onto NRC campus. TOO LATE BUDDY YOU'RE STUCK WITH US WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT 🤡

QDBIUBSOYFVQE8FO8EQEFANOQEUTQEP OKAY, HE STARTS OFF STRONG... Just another monologue about he's going to be the one to create a just world and punish evildoers, how NRC is a place where evildoers dwell and how he has to observe them carefully... The usual Rollo talking points 😭 His Groovy line references the Just Judge and really shows how big of an ego Rollo has???? Like he's going to impart upon you "proper virtuous behavior"... BRO, I DON'T WANNA HEAR THAT FROM SOMEONE WHO WAS PLANNING TO ENGULF THE WORLD IN FLOWERS THAT SUCK OUT ALL THE MAGIC

On the topic of "proper virtuous behavior", I like that we get subtle hints of Rollo actually pushing for this in his lines. It shows us that he actually does think he knows what's best for others and has very particular expectations for what is "good and just" behavior (even thinking that he leads by example). For example, Rollo advises that Yuu "fulfill their duty to their utmost", something which he also prides himself on. Additionally, he commands Grim in their Duo Magic to do as he says, to which of course Grim protests, saying that he doesn't want to be ordered around. Rollo also frowns on Idia's use of an electronic tablet as a substitute for attending classes in person, calling it "laziness beyond reproach".

I find it hilarious that Rollo is SO angry at Malleus that he describes even the general area that Malleus resides in and the mirror that leads there as "absolutely repulsive". HIS HATE BONER FOR MALLEUS WILL NEVER DIE... Even funnier when you realize Rollo is (relatively) neutral toward Azul and only slightly negative about Idia (the other two SSR boys responsible for his downfall). Rollo even expresses curiosity about the Mostro Lounge (and I fully intend to write a fic with this premise in mind, it's just TOO good to pass up)! Both Idia and Azul are referred to as “[first name]-kun” whereas Malleus is referred to vaguely (“that man”) or just has his full name shouted 😭

It's... surprisingly cute??? That he compliments the quality of Trein's lessons. I wish we had more of Rollo's thoughts in this regard, because I feel like he's keeping a lot of his more detailed thoughts locked away. (Notice also that he calls Trein by first-name basis, “Mozus-sensei”.)

Noble Bell College doesn't have dormitories, which makes sense. It is stated in canon to be a much smaller school than NRC, so I'd imagine the student population is also smaller and thus having multiple dormitories to accommodate them all wouldn't be necessary. Laughing at the fact that Rollo just casually dunks on Ramshackle's name though 😭 I MEAN, HE AIN'T WRONG... The place was a bit of a dump before the renovations...

It's really interesting that Rollo continues to express a preference for "relaxing" places; he comments that he loves the Mirror Chamber because it's quiet and he finds it charming. There's also the previously mentioned interest in Azul's cafe, as well as a remark about the knowledge that NRC's library has. It makes me think he can be quite contemplative, although perhaps he doesn't direct his energy toward the most positive emotions at times.

In spite of all of this, the voice lines also maintain a sort of "distance" to them, which I love. This is most obviously seen in the voice line where Rollo asks Yuu if they need something since they were acting overly familiar with him. Rollo indicates that he believes Yuu mistook him for someone else. He doesn't seem to have friends, nor desire them, even if they're of a non-mage persuasion like Yuu. There continues to be this lingering sense of uneasiness and distrust between him and his peers, even when others like Yuu, the gargoyles, his aide and vice president, make an effort to reach out to him. HE JUST WANTS TO EXPLODE PEOPLE WITH HIS MIND, THIS ICY NeUTRALiTY IS tHE NICEST THIS MAn CaN MUSTER/j It really suits Rollo's character to refuse to properly "integrate" with NRC. He's also very actively avoiding making certain decisions which would prompt him to return to the campus, like not checking out any library books even though he's truly entranced by the information the NRC Archives hold. It implies that Rollo is, to some extent, being held back from his full potential because of how he walls himself off from others. He thinks of his own NBC classmates as noisy and stupid, wishes to remove the gargoyles, actively tries to spend time alone as often as possible, and hates on the community goats (bro was about to send one FLYING but decided against it only because there were too many potential witnesses). He doesn’t open up to his own parents about his feelings ever since the fire and claims that others cannot understand how he feels. Rollo has isolated himself 💀

Even his level-up line (not in Mystery Shop TL's post, but I still want to bring it up) is not friendly at all. In fact, Rollo acts suspicious of Yuu's friendship and demands that they come clean about their "true intentions". He then says that if You is actually being genuine, that's actually more bothersome than if they had been deceptive to him all along. He pities them for their circumstances, yes (being a non-mage constantly having to deal with the shenanigans of the wicked mages around them), but that doesn't equate to friendship or feeling "close" with Yuu. Rollo does not allow others to get close, he does not know what friendship is and nor does he seemingly want it or care for it.

Rollo draws a very strong divide between himself and those he labels as "villains" , as well as literally everyone else he encounters. That is, ironically, muddying his relationships and potential for self-actualization when he sees himself as a “savior” of sorts for people.

Overall, I really enjoyed this set of voice lines! It gives us more of what we really love about Rollo's personality without spoiling the events of Glorious Masquerade for those who haven't read it yet. My only complaint would be that I'm getting greedy and want even more Rollo content now, just these voice lines alone isn't enough to sate me anymore/j 😂

[lgbt-cishet-movie-tournament]

The biggest victims AND perpetuators of homophobia...

How is it cishet media?

The Exorcist: A movie (sort-of) beloved by the Catholic Church that promotes traditional family values. Has a lot of homophobic language, and it was released around Christmas. Only one gay character and they only tell you through a flamboyant gesture. Screen writer and book author was homophobic enough to make petitions to "un-catholic" the catholic school featured in this film (they were reaching out to gay students and having pride so he wrote an angry letter to the bishop) and it shows. The Vatican once invited the director to come over specifically because of the exorcist :(((

The Haunting: In the movie adaptation, Eleanor calls Theo "nature’s mistake" for being a big lesbian. She’s also in love with the scientist and looks at him like this 👁👄👁, instead of her being desperately and hopelessly in love with Theo in the book. Thanks to the tv series, people even think they're het and bisexual blood-related sisters. She was very much a stranger in the closet and gay for her. For the love of god read the book!!!

The Servant: 🤔🤔🤔 Is it homophobic for a butler to ruin a man and a woman's marriage, then systematically create a platonic co-dependent relationship with the ex-groom-to-be and turn him into a sexed-up alcoholic? (it's worse in the book. the butler tries to make up evidence that his master is a gay pedophile to blackmaile him).

How is it lgbt?

The Servant: Tony cries pathetically next to pictures of sexy athletic men in their underwear on his bed and it’s never explained. The conflict is largely pushed by the scene where Tony and his fiancee Susan see his butler Barrett naked in Tony's room after having sex. Also?? The way Barrett yanks up Tony's tie like he's about to dominate him??? They didn't have sex, but they did have sex with the same girl in the same time frame when she was in on it. I consider this toxic yaoi and a psychosexual class war. I'll put photos.

Haunting: Oh my goddddd is Eleanor still so repressed and dealing with internalized homophobia in the movie. She and Theodora have a love-hate-attraction-repulsion thing going on. Theo is lesbian-coded and was even supposed to have a female lover in the movie (her "roommate" in the book) but then came censorship. Eleanor calling Theo "unnatural" in the movie... that is a vintage code word for lesbian (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QF2FKI7Fe-U). Before that, she was totally smitten even if the scientist distracts from that. The book is more lesbian, but at least the movie sneaks it in. And it sucks that Eleanor is so angry and lashing out but I get it. Her family hates or at least doesn't care about her feelings. n it's about how unsafe the traditional family structure really is even when you try to do found family but no one likes you for being gay and uptight. Oh and Theo, who is lesbian, survives at the end in all versions.

Exorcist: Regan is sooo off-putting and a bad daughter. This is just what being queer and having several diseases is like minus the exorcism. Her voice gets deep while she acts rebellious and her mom rejects her. Damien Karras (the younger priest) also reads as so repressedly gay and in the closet in the original book, but the movie squeezes in a bit of that with a scene where Fr. Dyer lays Karras to bed, and they hold hands until Karras eventually recoils with so much pathetic pain. I KNOW what you are. (https://afieldinengland.tumblr.com/post/657429236105248768/they-were-in-love-here) Karras and Dyer are even closer in the book, and Dyer is his stereotypically effeminate "ride or die" gay best friend. He told him to leave the priesthood with him since the gays are doing it, meanwhile all the other local priests were panicking about gay priests. The movie is extremely quotable too and I find that camp. Also found "Mother what's wrong with me?" and "That thing upstairs is not my daughter" to be sooo personal. I know it's homophobic but it helped me come out more somehow because I don't want to DIE like that. Saw some fun Regan MacNeil dragqueens, trans posts and non-binary comics (with regan and karras) awhile ago as well. In the 90s, a reviewer said that the movie was actually a priest's homoerotic wet dream (and that's why they wanted to kill pazuzu the "female element") and it so threw off the director to the point that his biography, an analytical book on the exorcist by kermode, AND some articles will bring it up as a bizarre theory or serious analysis. Well I say the reviewer had a point, but with the wrong priest. Dyer is the only confirmed gay character who gets censored a lot, but I know what those two had. Big closeted catholic energy. That's why Regan was so homophobic. She read Karras' mind.

Haunting Propaganda

The Exorcist Propaganda

The Servant propaganda:

[eclectiaa]

CAUGHT — KAVEH

contents: kaveh x fem!reader, nsfw, masturbation, oral (m. receiving)

notes: this man is too attractive to have this little screentime s2g. legit started this account to help me write better p*rn, so enjoy *hopeful*. always looking for a beta reader, pls send help.

This was wrong and he knew it.

Seated on a second-hand ergonomic chair at his desk, head tilted slightly backward while fisting his veiny cock. Despite the pre-cum coating his dick, he couldn't help but wish for something more. Wish for you. He bit down on the bottom of his shirt—pulled up to his mouth—to stop himself from making excessive noise. He couldn't help himself, though, as groans still spilled out into the room. His narrowed eyes came to a close as he felt the tingling of his high approach.

Except—

"Professor Kaveh?"

Shit.

He knew that voice. Knew it too well. Wide red eyes met [colored] ones as he scrambled to get himself decent. He nearly tripped over a chair leg as he stood up abruptly. Once he's ripped his eyes away from you, though, he's too mortified to look at you again.

He must have been too forgetful to lock the door and too caught up to hear it open. Well, in his defense it was well into the nighttime and he certainly didn't expect anyone—expect you—to be here.

This can't be happening.

Even after he's clothed, Kaveh continues to look down. It's only after he hears a click of his office's lock that he suddenly turns to you. Instead of repulsion, you have an unreadable look on your face. More surprising still, you're walking closer to him.

"Enjoying yourself, Professor?" You ask in a tone that he can't quite place. It's nothing like the usual you—bubbly, sweet—but then again, nothing about this situation is "usual".

"U-uh," he manages to stammer, not sure how to respond.

"If not..." your voice drops to something, dare he say, sultry, "...I could always help you out."

That's how he finds himself with his back pressed against the side of his desk, with you kneeling in front of him. You brush your hair out of your face, never once stopping your ministrations.

His eyes are narrowed, it's taking everything in him not to shut them, but he wants to see this—to see you. He covers his mouth with the back of his hand, but his noises still fill the otherwise quiet room. "[N-Name]—" he makes out, "W-we shouldn't be—fuck—"

You mentally roll your eyes. He's been saying that for a while now, but you know he doesn't mean it as he hasn't made even the slightest attempt to push you off. And he could. You know the muscles he's hiding under that academic garb. Instead of responding you move your hand and mouth faster, grabbing the base of his cock with one hand and sliding it up as your mouth moves down.

The free hand plays with his balls—heavy with cum; he's been repressing himself, no doubt, that's why he's been caught in such a compromising position—gently cupping them one at a time then both together.

"Y-you feel so—damn it," he's slurring his words now, "So damn good."

The praise goes straight to your core and you're not embarrassed to admit that this is turning you on as much as it is him. There's something about your eloquent and elegant professor falling apart under you that gets you going.

You flatten your tongue against the underside of his dick, stopping your hand to hold the base of his cock, slowly licking upward until the appendage is at his tip. You give him kitten licks with faux Doe eyes staring up at him.

"Better than what you were imagining?" You ask the question innocently but there's a fire in the pit of your stomach—and not just from arousal—at the thought of him thinking about someone—anyone—but you.

"Tha—"

But you don't let him finish, you don't want to know. Instead, you remove your hands entirely and place them on his hips as you throat fuck him. That's when he snaps, any remaining composure gone as he grabs your head, fingers digging into your scalp, forcing you to go faster and faster.

It's a little hard to breathe through your nose, but you could care less: your only mission is making him cum. And cum he does—in one long splurt that fills your mouth as you struggle to swallow.

You think he'll fall back into his seat and let you see yourself out, but to your surprise, he gets up immediately searching for a towel and getting you a glass of water. It's only after he helps you clean up that his usual personality is back, smirk in tow.

"You are."

"Excuse me?" You ask, confused by the glint in his eye.

"You are better than I imagined."

Imagine catching Professor Kaveh in the act—masturbating—to the thought of someone in his office. You get jealous and decide to "help him out" only to be surprised that it turns out he's been rubbing one out to the thought of you.

[pokemenlovingmen]

YAAAY TRANSMASC ACE MAN BLOG!! (IM THAT TOO!!!)

Speaking of ace(sex repulsed ace) how about an x reader with arven were the reader comes out as ace?(trans+gay reader ofc, he/they/it btw! :D)

Btwwww before anyone claims this,,,,, I’ll be,,,,,,, “🐾🦴 dog bone anon” :3

Hi dog bone anon!! With all the ace transmascs I’ve been getting in my inbox it’s pretty clear I’ve found my target audience—and they’re all just like me fr fr.

I’d love to write this coming out story with our favorite sandwich man! I love writing about the queer experience, at least the experience I can say I’m familiar with. Ace acceptance rules :)

A Bit of News — Coming out as ace to Arven

🥪 — Okay point and laugh, give him the olympic medal for jumping to conclusions, when you said you had something “important you wanted to talk privately about” he automatically assumed the worst.

🥪 — Unbeknownst to you, he might actually be even more nervous than you when you sit down to talk. He doesn’t do well with sudden news.

“So, Arv… uh, I don’t know how else to say this. But I talked it through with some friends, and you’re my boyfriend, so you deserve to know. I’m… asexual. Y’know…? I really hope it’s not too disappointing to hear… I mean, I don’t want this to change anything about our relationship, but if it’s something that makes it harder to stay together because you’re not comfortable with it or it’s too restricting for you, I understand.”

🥪 — He blinks. You stare at him, biting your lip nervously.

🥪 — Oh, wait… that’s all?

🥪 — He lets out a massive sigh of relief and smiles at you.

“Oh, that’s it? Phew! Sorry, I kinda got nervous there that something really bad had happened. That’s a load off my mind.”

“So, wait, you’re… not upset about the asexual thing?”

“Huh? Why would I be upset about it?”

“Well, it kinda interferes with a big part of a lot of relationships and all…”

“S/O? Do you really think we’d be here, having this conversation, if I was just in it to get you in my bed? There’s probably hundreds of guys out there I could look at and go ‘oh man, he’s so hot’, but there’s only one of you. And I’m not saying I don’t find you hot or anything—but ehh, that’s besides the point—it’s just that there are a billion other things that I like about you past your body. And that’s a billion other reasons to stay with you.”

“Arv, Arceus, you’re too good to me… so you really don’t mind?”

“Definitely not. It’s gonna take way more than that to get rid of me!”

🥪 — After your talk, though (and the deep kiss and wonderful cuddle session that followed), he’s probably got some questions. I imagine he’d be the type to repress his own sexuality for a long time to begin with, so be doesn’t exactly know much about the rest of the LGBTQ+ community. He wants to know more, both to be involved more in the queer community, and also to establish and respect a comfort zone for you!

🥪 — He’s always very polite when he does have questions to ask and always reminds you that you don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable. But it’s a lot easier to talk about your sexuality, the way you express it, how you figured it out, how it makes certain things feel, when you have Arven there being so genuinely curious and wanting to learn about these things.

🥪 — You can also tell when he did research because he’ll be confirming some really silly facts about the community with you the next morning (i.e., asking you if you really like cake to confirm the memes he saw online. He sorta conducts himself like a confused grandpa trying to be supportive but not really knowing what to do, and you tell him so. He hates you for saying that. >:| ).

🥪 — So speaking of the classic asexual “I’d rather have cake” meme, you find him baking you cakes with alarming frequency because he thinks he’s being funny.

🥪 — Overall, this really doesn’t alter your relationship with Arven much. You’re still his handsome and perfect boyfriend, which he’ll make known anytime you like. He already loved you so much and like he said, hearing you are ace changes none of that.

“Anyone who would only want you for your body is insane anyway, S/O. Really, only your body? I’m mad at anyone who would think like that and they’re just hypothetical people, like, you’d have to be the dumbest person in the world to get with someone as perfect as you and think your body is the only thing that’s worthwhile. Even if I was disappointed about you being ace, there’s literally hundreds of other things about you to love that mean way more than sex ever could.”

“You’re getting worked up about this.”

“I just—I love you, okay?? And I’m getting upset thinking there’s anyone that would treat you like that!”

“Yeah, you really showed those hypothetical people what for. You tell ‘em, Arven.”

[candelwicks]

Alove alostor*spinnnnssss*

All y'all bitch asses are now gonna here my info dump of my headcannon on when alastor was alive

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headcannons

Alastor I like to believe through childhood and even adult hood was always been considered "different"(minus his murderus tendasense when older)) from society, he's always feel more comfortable around females and because of that in childhood he's always let the girls in his school make him do girly things Wich made most adults repermand him and his mother for being "homosexual" however due to alastor being completely chill with women alot of jealousy fell through wich caused alot of bullying through first grade and I would say till the end of highschool but even when alastor graduated men still feels threatened by him, what makes it funny is that alastor never felt any sort of attraction tords the girls he just seen most of them as friends or sisters so when he gotten older he started seeing them as different parts and aspects of his deceased mother causing him to grow more of a personal bond with the girls he befriends.During the time as an adult when he has his own radio show there was a lot of woman that has interest with him however alot of the flirting or sexual remarks either fly over his head or make him EXTREMELY uncomfortable he tends to wounder now and then why he's so repulsed and or uncomfortable with the mention of sex and not interested in romance there's times besides being a killer he already felt like he's out of the box when it comes to other people,he finds the concept of romance nice but he never felt interested to be in one himself he just personally like watching people's romances from afar like watching romantic movies it's like a "oh cute! Good for them!" But still never felt interested himself.Rich people and racists are the 2 main people that bothers alastor the most,rich people basically babying him and treating him like some clueless child that knows nothing and the fact that most if not all of the rich pretentious folks are extremely racists calling him a "mutt" for being a mix of two races,the rich forced themselves to include alastor to partys because alastor climbed up the ranks to be on the same if not higher pedistole as them due to his natural charm and charisma he has with folks to the point it doesn't go unnoticed, when alastor was alive not even he was awere about that part of himself but it was indeed clear the woman take quite a found with him Wich during said party caused some of the men to be jealous and Because of that the rich found an excuse to find ways to ridicule, embarrass and bully him during the party full of people, reason why alastor even bothers going is that during that section he's a killer so he just secretly grab the ones who did anything cruel to him especially embarrassing him in public, alastor doesn't come alone in the party's he normally brings in his female friends like his childhood best friends mimzy and Rosie (or there human names for em Madeline and Rosetta that too is also my headcannon))as emotional support (all his female friends know that alastor is a killer and is complete surprisenly chill by it especially the cannibal part))

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Repressed memories

Due to a traumatic event at 14 years old he lost his hearing in one ear and his mother due to said traumatic event,it's repressed in his memories (for now)) so he doesn't exactly remember what happened to his mother or his hearing in one ear all he can remember was his mother telling him to hide,and he did but then seeing a dog watching him unknowingly.

After his mother died he was trapped with his father for 4 years until another traumatic event happened and he couldn't remember what happened to him ither however he could care less what happened to his father due to his father being an awful man sense day 0 but luckily his mother's family friend found him and taken really nice care of them however after another traumatic event he ran away he doesn't remember why but he felt like he's some danger to this nice lady

During his human life after the death of his mother his memories kept faultering and faultering and more kept being repressed he doesn't remember anything during 14 through 24 besides some bits and pieces of it like how abusive his father was or the nice lady and his female friends but that's about it

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The "soar thumb" at parties

I like to think alastor sticks out during partys being the only one with his curly hair out and a bright red suit, never really hard to spot out during big events,he never does anything huge with his curly hair as a way to keep the last thing that reminded him of his mother so he never felt right changing it,I also feel like poor alastor doesn't understand some of the things people say during said partys especially how they casually insult him in regular conversation,he trys finding ways to make conversation but never works right so he normally just tag with the female friends he brings or talk to other females in the party dispite being a killer at this time I feel like he always felt uncomfortable going to the parties due to how insensitive people can be like casually asking him what happened to his ear when it's personal or asking why his hair is a "recked mess" at the partys even making alot of racist remarks tords him during casually talks as well and just blatantly always managing to say in six syllabus or less on why he doesn't belong here and it's to the point that Rosie and mimzy had to drag poor alastor out for his own sake thinking these rich assholes ain't worth the kill however alastor still kills the rich assholes anyways because ya gotta eat the rich and alastor takes it literally.

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[bonesandpoemsandflowers]

Hi! I saw ALW’s Phantom of the Opera live a couple of days ago and I haven’t been able to stop consuming Phantom content ever since, which is why I happened to read your interpretation of Leroux’s Phantom of the Opera, and the post is so well thought out I really felt compelled to send you an ask. It’s so hard to find a good book commentary in which Erik is not depicted as the worst man alive or the sweetest angel who did nothing wrong.. I’ll definitely be going through your tags in the next couple of days!

I hope this doesn’t come off as inappropriate, just wanted to say I absolutely love your take on the character, I don’t usually see interpretations I actually like or agree with!

Have a good day 🫶

nonono this was SUPER cool of you and I really appreciate it! and I'm sorry my tags are a mess and you can't find all my Erik thoughts in one place.

I find the current dominant fanon on poto to be...frustrating. It's a bunch of people engaging in the most shallow, deliberately bad faith reading, rehashing the same tired ass takes. I'm off reddit now but for a few months there I had a lovely time on the poto subreddit, with, like, one good reddit friend who was, like me, an adult age fan of gothic literature in general, and we were constantly batting theories back and forth for why the culture is like this--and why only the English speaking portion of an international sensation is like this. We ultimately concluded that some people are just saying shit for the clout, but also the show brings out a TON of repression in people. We are convinced that some of the loudest, most irritating, most condemning voices are the ones also reading absolute filth on a03.

Some people are attracted to Erik and cannot handle the reality of that. It's easier to not admit you like something you "shouldn't," and pop culture has not come nearly as far in this way as it thinks it has. There's a lot of internalized hang ups and even shame about liking something that is, on some level, portrayed as potentially dangerous. Something powerful. Some people are still hung up on power = bad, lust after someone powerful in whatever way as indistinguishable from lust for power = bad.

And some other people are genuinely repulsed by the fact that Erik is canonically physically ugly, and they can't live with the realization that they're that shallow. Therefore: Erik must just be a fuckin loser lol and it's all his fault. And this is where some frustrating distortions of Christine's character happen, imo. The contemporary audience can't handle a female character who is anything but free of judgement. Christine is a perfect angel, a good girl, therefore any hesitation about Erik means that EVERYTHING IS HIS FAULT EVER.

But it's also frustrating, too, like you say, when Erik is seen as a perfect little blorbo who's done nothing wrong in his life. The point of it all, imo, the actual point of gothic horror et all assorted genres, is that the suffering is real and it matters and the actions can still be terrible. The character can be both a monster and a martyr.

And maybe it's just that those ideas are too complex for everyone to hold at once. Erik is absolutely a victim and he's not WRONG about how his face is the problem, and of course that would make anyone bitter. But Erik just as absolutely does some terrible things. It's all very understandable, imo--as long as the audience knows that understandable doesn't automatically mean justifiable.

And he's just such a powerful figure, in and out of his story, and also tragic and so Romantic and so romantic, and it drives me crazy that people reduce him to textbook normal male loser.

Like, don't apply your real life filters to fiction, you guys! Erik is not a normal guy! He's brilliant! He's different! That's why there's such fun tension in story--he's got a lot to offer; it's just also very very complicated.

AND THE MOST FRUSTRATING PART IS THAT IT WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS. The stuff that the phandom seems to think is essential and obvious is not essential nor obvious! Broadway carried the show for decades on the strength of mostly women who were mostly obsessed with the Phantom! That's just the reality of it all.

Or, no. The MOST frustrating part is how some people accuse you of internalized misogyny for being sympathetic to Erik. As if reducing all media to the standard of "does the female character choose the Good Husband?" isn't wildly patronizing.

anyway, preaching to the choir, etc...

getting back to important things, CONGRATS ON SEEING IT LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME! It's such an experience and so deliciously definitive. Do you mind me asking who you saw? I love looking up new cast members and hearing their takes and quirks.

[leaf-kei]

Hey, bud! I know that you love Time Squad right now <3 Say, who's your favorite character? Favorite episode? Favorite character dynamics? My all-time favorite character is Larry 3000... my favorite episodes tie between Day Of The Larrys, Larry Upgrade, Cabin Fever, and To Hail With Ceasar... and then my favorite character dynamic is Larry and Otto since it's like a true parent/child relationship. I dunno, I'm a sucker for non-humans raising humans, especially if they're kids.

Hi silverkitten! Your art is VERY CUTE!! ;w; ❤️

I love all three of the main trio characters & each is vital to the dynamic for sure, but I think my favorite is also Larry! He’s really unique, and the way he interacts and clashes with Buck and Otto is super fun. I was listening to an interview with Dave Wasson the other week, and he said that his rule of thumb is to write main characters who have clashing personalities so that there’s always a source of conflict and friction. There’s no one more different than Buck and Larry, LOL!

All three of the main trio (ESPECIALLY Larry) have a lot of depth to them that’s handled casually by the writing, so they’re very rewarding to think about on a deeper level. Im sure you feel the same way! … I have like 8k words of little stories and headcanons in my phone notes so far, that’s always how my hyperfixations begin lmao

I’M SUPER INTERESTED in how Buck and Larry’s relationship could develop in a hypothetical adult reboot or third season (which will never happen but who cares)!! —Romantically, of course. >:) It’s implied a bunch of times that they’re attracted to each other in some way… I have so many thoughts about their romantic chemistry, pls allow me to ramble about it/copy-paste some stuff from my aforementioned phone note:

Imo, in the first two seasons, Larry is in love with Tuddrussel and hates it. Tudd annoys the shit out of him, but the heart wants what it wants… to me, it seems like Larry’s constantly cycling through being happily in one-sided love with Buck, desperately longing for any affection from him, being repulsed and angered by his own feelings, telling himself he deserves better and is going to leave, and eventually accepting that he won’t… all without Buck realizing anything is going on. Larry also hates Buck WAY MORE than Buck hates him, lmao?? My favorite instance of that is in Hate and Let Hate—when Buck points his phaser at Larry, it’s just to demonstrate that it’s filled with water, but when Larry points it at Buck a minute later it seems like he’s 100% ready to kill him… Hate and love are two sides of the same coin, after all. Overall, Larry gives off the vibe that he wants much more than Buck is giving him emotionally.

Meanwhile, Buck is not in touch with his feelings at all. He assumes that, after his divorce, he's just been living the bachelor life & hasn't been too fussed about getting another lady yet... but why is it that he doesn't care about finding another partner? Is it because his needs for affection, companionship, and care are being met by Larry? He has no idea. Critically stupid. Later, I think he starts to clue on to Larry’s feelings and realize he’s attracted to him, despite his efforts to repress it… considering how he reacted to Larry’s clones & how he imagined him in Thrilla at Attila’s, he might be into that effeminacy he’s always telling Larry to knock off. I think Buck would have to change A LOT in order to accept his own feelings as legitimate. I mean… in the show, he’s DEEP in the hole of toxic masculinity.............. A lot of my writings and HCs are about digging him out of there/putting him in situations where he’s forced to confront his feelings. He's gotta accept that they’re not going to make him less of a man. I JUST LOVE THAT LARRY AND BUCK ARE SO DIFFERENT BUT THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER, AAAH !!!

AND I HAVENT EVEN SAID ANYTHING ABOUT SHEILA AND XJ5 OMG I love them and their own dynamic too, it’s fun to see what an actual functioning time squad is like lol. I like to imagine that XJ5 is crushing on Sheila, but in his own extremely awkward way… this reply is already too long orz

Day Of The Larrys is ICONIC, and there are so many more eps I could call favorites!! Love At First Flight is so heartwarming I squeal every time, Floral Patton and Shop Like An Egyptian are hilarious, and Thrilla at Attila’s is valuable for the sheer amount of shipping material it provides lmao. Forget the Alamo is a bit questionable (some things in this show did not age well…) but I can’t resist how sweetly Tudd treats Larry despite being opposed in what they’re trying to do there (and very fatherly towards Otto too!!!). Ok the last one I’ll name is Ladies and Gentlemen, Monty Zuma, mostly because of the line delivery when Otto says GEORGE….. wwwWWASHINGGTON

Holy crap this is long. Props to you for reading all of this.,.,, actually, no pressure to read it all lol.,,,,, THANK YOU for sending me an ask!! ;w; IM SO HAPPY TO BE TALKING ABOUT TIME SQUAD EEEK, and I’m excited for ur cat adoption story!!

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

https://tiermaker.com/create/our-flag-means-death-shipps-15253051

There is something deeply wrong with me. Fortunately that thing is not Izzy Hands related.

[gemma-collins-ily]

Hi, sorry to bother you but could I request a possessive/jealous kaz x female reader please? If you do it and it's not a bother please tag me in it

Keep You Smiling

Kaz Brekker X Reader

a/n - ooh, bit of angst, bit of fluff! Not sure yet if this will be headcanons or not!

Warnings: jealousy, flirting and generally horrible people I guess.

Tagged: @mrs-brekker15 @melody13522

The Bastard of the Barrel had lost everything he ever owned and built up an empire from the ashes.

The only thing he had was you and the Crows.

He may have acted as though he detested them but he did truly care for them. He just had an extraordinarily disconnected way of showing it and little to no tolerance of Jesper's antics.

So naturally, when you got together, he was especially overprotective and possessive. It was partly to make up for the lack of physical touch in your relationship, to show he did truly care and mainly because he couldn't help it.

Kaz often found himself surprised at the urge to bring you close and wrap an arm around your waist when he was jealous. He wasn't sure if it was because he wanted to gloat that you were his without saying it, if he felt the need to protect you or to just have a reason. A reason to touch.

Because, the truth was, Kaz always had the desire to pull you into his side or reach out to you. However, he would never give in to those thoughts.

Because he couldn't give you false hope.

Hope for a future in which he could be normal. Take your hand without shuddering, care for you with touch naturally and cup your cheek without being repulsed.

He wanted to connect: the only thing was, Kaz was so certain he would flinch and compare you to that of his past.

He was also so stiff - he didn't flirt and if he attempted to it ended quite badly for both parties involved.

Subsequently, when Kaz saw someone else flirt with you and do something he knew he couldn't, he would step in.

Unless it was Jesper. Because the root of his jealousy came from distrust, not of you, but of the person you were having a conversation with.

And he did trust Jesper. Plus the sharpshooter knew he shouldn't mess with you, even if he didn't, he would never. The reason he wouldn't was that you were the one for Kaz and Jesper had the opinion that Kaz deserved you after all he'd been through.

Inej and Nina also shared that very strong opinion and if someone disagreed, they would probably attack them brutally.

And it was a very real possibility they would collectively murder them brutally too.

They saw the way he looked at you, even before you were together and they identified it as the same look Matthias gave Nina or Jesper gave Wylan.

It was love.

Kaz's eyes always held such adoration and wonder when he saw you. The adoration, simply because you put up with his moods or rages, you barely shed a tear when he took his lashed out at you.

In fact, you stood up for yourself. Made him realise he was in the wrong.

The wonder was because you were so innocent, sometimes child-like and it wasn't just a show. He remembered when he had been bewildered and slightly concerned for your mental well-being several times.

His lips lifted just thinking of it.

Kaz came downstairs to see what the cacophony of noise and giggles was about. He stopped his descent on the stairs after he saw you and Nina pulling on wellies at the bottom.

"You know one fantastic thing about fuzzy socks?"

Jesper shook his head and asked you what you meant with a twinkle in his eyes.

"You can slide along floors with them!"

Halfway through your sentence, you had erupted into laughter again and by the end, you were almost rolling around on the floor. It was as though you had told the funniest joke known to man and the others joined in, seeing you with such mirth lifting their spirits further.

You rotated on your heel as you stood to see him standing, seemingly completely unsure of if you were mad. You giggled again.

"Where are you going?"

"Outside, duh."

"It's raining and freezing, don't be so idiotic." He was trying to keep the concern out of his voice and act as though he couldn't care less what you did.

"Uh huh, sure, but I won't be cold if..."

You trailed off as you made grabby hands at his coat and he sighed deeply. He removed it and tossed it your way, making sure to hit you slightly in the arm with it, where he knew it wouldn't really hurt.

The others gaped in confusion but you only skipped through the door, into the rain outside.

Wylan was the first to get over his shock and smiled at Kaz. In return he received a scowl but he knew it was better than an emotionless expression. It meant he was having to repress a grin, or smirk at least.

The Crows followed you out of the door, while Jesper had to be dragged along by his boyfriend, who was mumbling about how overdramatic the sharpshooter could be.

A minute later, he looked outside to see you jumping in puddles and having splash fights, running your fingertips through the water and flicking them towards others.

Kaz opened the door and stuck his head out into the rain.

"(Y/N)," he yelled and carried on when he had your attention, "Pop the coat collar up, would you? If you're going to be stupid, try not to catch a cold!"

You smiled at his concealed concern and saluted, shouting a quick, "Will do! Sir, yes Sir!" just as an army soldier would.

He ducked inside and leant against the wall as he felt his lips quirking upwards. The door blew shut with the wind and he returned to the window to observe the blissful, innocent joy that looked so beautiful painted on your features.

An example of one of the times he would invite himself to the conversation, happened as you chatted away with the bartender of the evening.

She was pretty and multitasking, cleaning glasses as she talked with you, slipping in small compliments here and there.

The thing was, you were completely oblivious to when others would throw a flirtatious remark your way. You never even thought they were doing anything except being friendly.

Kaz had realised this in the past after he had observed you deflect compliments for your eyes, smile and hair, returning the admiration.

You only wanted to make the gloomy citizens of Ketterdam have brighter days by making them feel good about themselves and you weren't trying to flirt back - only be kind.

Kaz noticed the sparkle in the girl's eyes, the slight malicious glint that revealed her intentions. He stood, grunting as he took his first step after sitting for so long and marched over.

He then took things into his own hands. He greeted her in a clearly false tone, one that mirrored how close he was to snapping. The server gulped and he smirked as she looked down.

"Hiya Kaz, we were just having a nice talk. Did you know, she thinks my hair is lovely long?"

Once more, you were not trying to flatter yourself, only telling him of what had been said.

The woman almost lurched over the bar counter to get you to hush but he had heard enough.

"Oh did she now?"

He moved his burning stare to the woman and said tauntingly, "I do agree, that my girlfriend's hair is, in fact, stunning. Now, why don't you go and serve that pigeon that looks so inviting waiting for his drink."

She opened her mouth and his voice didn't even try to cloak his loathing of her as he snarled.

"Go and do what you were paid to do."

She scurried off and your face dropped. He had been trying to be polite, knowing you had no clue of her pursuance of you. Now you had recognised the poisonous animosity in his speech, you realised she had only wanted to have a quick fling.

Kaz noticed how your shoulders slumped and the prickling of guilt started to poke at his heart. He nudged your foot with his cane and you looked up to him, your eyes swimming with unshed tears.

He walked up the stairs to his office and once you had entered behind him, he closed the door gently.

"I thought she just wanted to be friends."

You were so upset because you yearned to have someone other than the Crows, who wasn't just trying to get in your pants, to strike up a conversation with.

"I know love. One day you'll find someone who will adore you as a friend."

Your gaze was still cast downward and it was obvious you did not believe him.

"Hey, hey, look at me. Jesper loves being your friend, so do Inej and Nina. If they exist, others like them must too."

He was making sure to lock eyes with you, letting you know he was absolutely sincere and you nodded, wiped your tears and squared your shoulders.

"There she is." he said gently.

Then suddenly, you remembered how he had shifted a little before you downstairs. Maybe it was to protect you or maybe, just maybe, he had been jealous. You laughed at the thought.

"What?"

"Were you... Jealous?"

He stuttered through his next unintelligible phrase then said in return, "Who wouldn't want to keep you to themselves?"

You flushed and he smiled.

"I'm glad you're giggling again."

He was teasing you, however there was an underlying note of sincerity lining his words.

He would keep protecting you and he would keep you smiling.

[eclipsednodes]

SHADOW WORK SIMPLIFIED

What is shadow work?

If I had to describe shadow work in one word, it would be introspection. Introspection is the examination of your own mental state and is necessary in order to learn more about your fundamental nature. Although it may sound off-putting and even scary at first, shadow work is a necessary component in the process of healing. We all have aspects of ourselves that we’ve rejected and hidden away out of fear. Through shadow work, we’re able to reflect on our thoughts, emotions, and habits so that we can find the root cause of our suffering and heal ourselves. By reincorporating those aspects of ourselves that we’ve denied, we feel more fulfilled and can begin to love ourselves fully. 

Where does shadow work come from? 

The concept of the shadow self comes from Carl Jung who believed that our shadow self is the subconscious aspect, or “dark side”, of our personality that our conscious ego doesn’t identify with. However, I would like to clarify that “dark” does not imply or equate with bad. That which resides outside of our consciousness can be either good or bad, but aren’t inherently reflective of our value or “goodness” as a person. 

Although these repressed aspects of ourselves can manifest negatively, it isn’t because those parts of us are “bad”, but that the process of repression is inherently painful and toxic. This is reflected by Jung when he states, "Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” He believed that until we’ve merged our conscious and subconscious selves, that our conscious would be “the slave of the autonomous shadow”. This is due to the shadow self overwhelming our conscious selves by falling victim to our own self-imposed traps. 

Through assimilating this shadow self, not over-identifying with it, Jung believed we go through the process of enantiodromia, thereby integrating the subconscious by reincorporating our shadow selves into our personality and allowing us to solidify ourselves through wholeness. He best described this by stating "assimilation of the shadow gives a man body, so to speak.” However, don’t fall into the misconception that shadow work is a short-term practice. Shadow work is a continuous practice and integration of the shadow self is a will take place throughout your life.

How do I do shadow work?

In the last question, I identified that practicing self-reflection is a key component of shadow work, but what does that mean? What am I supposed to be reflecting on? Well, the first thing that you should focus on is being present throughout the day. Identify feelings that come up throughout the day and observe them objectively. What situation or interaction triggered these emotions? How did I react to those emotions? Were my emotions controlling me or was I in control of my emotions? Why did this situation or interaction cause me to feel this way? How did I cope with those feelings (self-harming, lashing out at others, communicating my feelings, journalling, etc.)? Did I punish myself for getting upset? If so, why? 

There are numerous ways to reflect on your feelings and experiences in order to get a better understanding of yourself. Through evaluating how you react to situations, which situations upset you, and how you managed those feelings, you’re able to build the foundation to understanding your emotions and bridge the gap between your subconscious and conscious mind.

Once you’ve done this, you’ll find that the emotions you feel in the present are reflective of unhealed emotions from your past. Perhaps the reason you feel that you’re unable to set boundaries as an adult is because as a child, your parents never respected your boundaries by going through your phone or diary, yelling at you when you said no to a request, forcing you into situations that made you feel you had no choice. 

By identifying the root cause of your emotional pain, you’re able to address it in the present and heal from the trauma. The simplest way that I’ve found to address them is through journalling. You can purchase a physical journal or even use your notes app, either way, you’re writing out your feelings and reflections to gain deeper insight. It’s important to remember that this looks different for anyone and that the best way to approach shadow work is by doing what feels most natural! You can choose to stick to self-reflective journal prompts, vent about whatever is upsetting you, write letters to whoever has hurt you, etc. Ultimately, you can guide yourself based off of what you feel you need and where you are in your journey.

What parts of yourself do you find yourself rejecting the most? Many of us have experienced the pain of rejection in some aspects of our lives and sometimes, it’s incredibly painful and leaves us with long-lasting wounds. We end up going through our lives carrying baggage that we don’t even know we have! Many times, I’ve found myself wondering why I felt so repulsed by aspects of myself and why I felt so strongly that they needed to be locked away forever. I couldn’t allow myself or others to see my truest self, my whole self, out of fear. I was scared of being rejected, shamed, humiliated by the people around me. I was scared of hurting other people by being myself and of being hurt by others. That’s no way to live, is it? When we tell ourselves that aspects of ourselves aren’t good enough, we end up going through life devaluing ourself. We’ve broken our own trust by rejecting ourselves, we’ve told ourselves that we aren’t good enough or worthy of love. In shadow work, you’re called to go inward and unpack everything that we’ve kept hidden for years and sometimes even decades. 

Bring the parts of yourself that you’ve repressed to the surface and nourish them with love, allow yourself to see that ALL OF YOU is deserving of love and support. For you, that could mean unlearning your unhealthy beliefs about food or eating, allowing yourself to be emotional around the people you love (despite how much you were told that you were too emotional, a crybaby, too sensitive in the past), allowing yourself to relax without feeling guilty about not being productive because you recognize your needs (even though you feel your sense of worth is tied to being productive at the cost of your own health).

Common misconceptions about shadow work?

Shadow work is evil or bad, the shadow is evil or bad 

The purpose of shadow work is healing through working with your subconscious to release repressed aspects of yourself and heal from painful, traumatic experiences. Your shadow side is simply your unconscious and to believe that it’s bad is to believe that you are bad. It’s merely the part of yourself that you aren’t aware of consciously and shouldn’t be feared. 

Certain emotions are “bad”

When you let go of the idea that emotions are either good or bad, you’ll allow yourself to just be and stop putting so much pressure on yourself to feel “good” all of the time. Happiness isn’t a constant state of being so stop expecting to be all of the time, we have a range of emotions for a reason so stop being ashamed of them. Your feelings are natural and if you feel like they’re out of control and something to be ashamed of, there is nothing wrong with that! It’s okay to feel like your emotions are controlling you because that isn’t permanent. Your feelings aren’t permanent and are completely manageable with proper guidance! The reason you feel like your emotions are controlling you is because you probably don’t have the knowledge to cope with them in an effective and healthy way. It’s helpful to sit with your emotions alone and look at them objectively without placing any judgement on them, this will help you calm down and assess your feelings. From there, you can identify what you need to relax and recover as well as acknowledge to yourself that your feelings are natural. When you stop categorizing your emotions as bad, they’re no longer shameful to experience and therefore you can see with better clarity how to cope with them and move on.

I’ve already released it so…

Why am I still upset?

Why does it still keep popping up in my head?

Why haven’t I moved on?

Why am I not making progress?

With the rise of self development and spirituality, I find that more and more people are rushing to complete their healing. Healing is a continuous, life-long cycle and not a destination. Putting the pressure on yourself to reach the place of ultimate healing is not only toxic, but it impedes your ability to actually heal anything. Healing is about love, compassion, and patience and it’s not going to happen according to a timeline. Allow yourself the time to experience your emotions, see them objectively, forgive yourself and others and move on without the pressure of expectations. 

 Another reason that you could be experiencing this is that despite the work you think you’ve done, it hasn’t been sufficient. I’ve found that a lot of journal prompts provided online are surface level at best and can be more pacifying than revealing. If you’re not feeling anything while doing your inner work, you’re not doing it correctly. Ultimately, this is about uncovering what makes us UNCOMFORTABLE and moving through those feelings. When you allow yourself to experience the sadness, hurt, anger, and/or frustration than you’re telling yourself that these feelings are okay and don’t need to be suppressed. The reality is that no matter what you’re feeling, you are allowed to experience those emotions and it’s only human! Unfortunately, many people associate lower vibrational emotions as bad, but this is a huge misconception! Telling yourself that anger, sadness, etc. are “bad” implies that you shouldn’t experience these emotions and that you have to get rid of them which is not only wrong, but unhealthy. There is no right or wrong emotions so don’t buy into the belief that you should feel a certain way, simply allow yourself to be and you’ll find that it’s much easier to navigate your emotions and needs. The only way to make it to the other side is by wading through the water, be patient and know that you’re feeling exactly what you should be. When you stop censoring yourself, you’ll discover a newfound sense of freedom and wholeness. 

 If you find yourself circling back to certain topics, for example, your ex-boyfriend than perhaps there are triggers in your environment that remind you of the situation, you have more that needs to be addressed that you may not have been ready for or aware of previously (hence why shadow work is a practice that is ongoing), or they’re representative of a deeper issue that you’re repressing. Whatever the cause is, the same methods as earlier will apply and can be discerned through your own intuition. 

What are some basic journal prompts that I can do?

What feelings come up when you think of ____?

How did that experience make you feel emotionally? How did it make you feel about yourself? How did it make you feel about the other person or people?

Write a letter to yourself, your inner child, the people who’ve hurt you, and the people you’ve hurt. Express how you feel honestly, without holding back and then forgive yourself and the other person.

If you could say anything to yourself or another person for closure, what would it be?

How have these situations and experiences impacted your mental health? How have they affected your belief system about yourself, other people, and the world?

What about yourself are you ashamed of? What about yourself are you embarrassed of? What about yourself makes you angry? What do you regret? Why do you feel this way about yourself and where do these feelings stem from?

What makes you feel most alone? What makes you feel most loved? How can you incorporate that knowledge into your life to make it better?

What’s the most hurtful thing someone has said or done to you? Why did it hurt you so much? How does it still affect you now? How can you heal from it and allow yourself to move on?

What do you need to forgive yourself for? What do you need to forgive others for?

Where do you feel you lack security in your life? Why? How does this impact your life and your relationships?

This is a list of generic prompts for you to start with, but feel free to message me if you need help with more specific topics or I can make another post altogether for journal prompts.

[vintagedaydreams]

Hey guys- not a TLNRS update, I know. But not something I’ve been writing instead either! I actually found this on my phone.

It’s not complete- more of a scene. And it won’t ever be completed. But if you want to run with it- go for it.

Sorry it’s so long without a page break.

Warnings: some strong language, talk of suicide. Not as dark as it sounds.

You work at MI6 in the Admin/Research dept. working on cover stories and recon work for locations/marks/etc.

You work with a handful of other people in the dept and you have a good pal in your desk mate: Katelyn.

All of the agents-Double Ohs included - go into the Research Dept frequently to get folders on their missions and their marks. Everybody knows you-everybody likes you. You’re competent and your peers usually have you look over their work as well when dealing with difficult marks or missions.

You jumped on the couch as the door slammed open, bouncing off the wall. Scrambling to your feet, you looked over to see James Bond filling the doorway, blue eyes spitting sparks. You took a moment to admire him, his aura of danger and confidence dark and practically pulsing around him, before you realized with a start that he was glaring at you.

“…Bond?” you asked hesitantly and, apparently taking that as permission, he stalked into your small apartment in the heart of London. The door was shut in much the same way as it was opened and you gave a wince for your poor neighbors.

“Did I interrupt something?” he asked, voice pitched low and dangerous. You shivered at the tone, though it wasn’t in fear. Oh dear. You were in trouble.

“Um,” you looked around in confusion at the half eaten tub of ice cream and the movie playing quietly in the background, “no?” It was stated more than asked. Especially since he seemed to have an answer to his question already.

“Then you won’t mind if I join you,” he almost snarled, making his way over to you. Your eyes, about the size of dinner plates by now, widened even more.

“What?” you squeaked out. Bond, the James Bond was all but foaming at the mouth and he was going to stay?

“Going to interrupt any plans of yours?” he bit out and you blinked.

“Plans? Um, no…” A low rumbling sounded through the apartment .

“Are you….are you growling at me?” you gaped in disbelief. Suddenly, you found yourself gripped by strong hands, Bond an inch away from you.

“Don’t lie to me, Y/N,” he ground out and the anger that had been slowly building at all his growls and snarls finally sprung forth.

“What are you talking about, Bond?” you growled right back. He blinked for a moment before his face darkened even further than before.

The man stepped closer, if that was possible until you were flush against each other. You felt your stomach flip and you gulped, looking up into his eyes.

Blue eyes stared down at you and the hands gripping your shoulders loosened ever so slightly before he gave you a small shake.

“Katelyn told me about your conversation,” he intoned darkly, an eyebrow rising in a challenge to deny it. Your brow furrowed.

“Conversation? What conversation?” Katelyn and you had had many conversations, the most recent of them centering around the man in your apartment, but you had no idea what topic could have Bond so…well, upset was a bit tame for his current mood….

“Did you really think that I wouldn’t find out?” he growled out, effectively bringing your thoughts back to him. Find out….? Find out!

Your eyes widened. Katelyn wouldn’t…she wouldn’t have told him about your conversation yesterday when you’d said that you were pretty sure you were attracted to 007! No, she wouldn’t have thought that was a big enough deal to tell the Double-Oh in question. Everyone thought that man was attractive.

Then what…?

“You should know by now, that when I claim people as mine, I take an interest in their lives,” Bond continued, eyes glaring down at you. Apparently your silence had already condemned you.

You fought the major blush that threatened to make itself known at his wording. Claimed you as his? Oh, if only!

“Bond,” you started, voice mellow and as soothing as you could make it.

“Don’t,” he interrupted, low and dangerous. You sighed.

“What are you so worked up about? I’m sure everyone’s thought it at least once!” you defended yourself. Really, the only possible answer to his mood was that Katelyn had told him, for whatever reason, that you found him attractive. And apparently, he didn’t like that.

Ouch. There went your pride and self esteem.

“That’s your excuse?” he demanded, voice sounding almost incredulous. “So because everyone else has thought it, you can too?”

“Not quite what I meant,” you muttered as his grip tightened once again. “I just meant that it shouldn’t be a big deal to you! I’m not the first!”

The room went deadly silent and you hesitantly gazed into the glacier eyes above you. You didn’t understand what was so terrible about you finding him attractive, (were you that repulsive?), but he really was making too big a deal out of it. You were shy! It’s not like you would’ve ever said or done anything to him!

“Never say it shouldn’t be a big deal to me,” Bond suddenly hissed and you felt a bit uneasy at the look on his face. You weren’t afraid of him, but you knew what he could do and you also knew that he had a reputation for being unpredictable and out of control. You were in hot water and just starting to realize it.

“Really, Bond,” you murmured, trying to salvage the situation before somebody, most likely you, got hurt, “it’s really not that big of a deal. Can we just…forget I ever said it and you ever heard it?”

His hands tightened on your arms even further and you knew there’d be bruises there tomorrow.

“No,” he answered, voice deadly soft, “I will not forget it.” Suddenly he ripped himself away from you and started pacing the floor furiously.

“Damn it, Y/N! Why can’t you take this seriously?! Do you have any idea, any idea at all, what was going through my head when Katelyn told me? No, of course you don’t. Well, let me tell you something, Y/L/N,” he snarled, “if you want to commit suicide and ‘end it all’ then I suggest you find yourself another job. Because if you stay at MI6, you’re mine and I am not going to let anybody, least of all you, take you away from me!”

Once again, silence rang out in your apartment and you stood there, gaping at Bond.

“Commit…..what?” you asked, mentally going over all your conversations with Katelyn. You telling her that you were going to ‘end it all’ was never part of any of them. YOu were actually quite happy with life where you were, thank you very much. Granted, it’d be better if you had a certain someone to share it with, but suicide? Yeah, never touched on that topic.

“I know your vocabulary is better than that,” Bond spat, finally stopping his pacing. You flinched at the acid in his tone.

“Bond, I never—“

“Expected her to squeal? No kidding. I figured that you didn’t want her to, if our little conversation a minute ago was any indication.”

“No, Bond, I was under the impression—“

“That I didn’t care? Yeah, got that one too. Well here’s a news flash for you, I do. And I will. So I suggest that you take up some counseling because you’re not going to die on my watch.”

“Bond,” you sighed, “honestly, can I get a word in? I’m not going to commit suicide.”

“Damn right you’re not,” the agent in front of you growled. He was suddenly right in your space again. “I’m going to stay here tonight with you and tomorrow, you’re going to a therapist.”

You backed up a step, feeling a bit…flustered, not to mention frustrated, with his close proximity.

“Will you just listen to me?!” you yelled, throwing your hands up in the air in ill repressed ire. “I am not going to commit suicide because I don’t want to! I never planned to and I never talked about it with Katelyn!”

The silence that descended on you was thick and you crossed your arms against your chest, glaring at the agent in front of you. He looked torn between not believing you and wanting to.

“You never mentioned suicide to Katelyn?” he asked finally, voice lower and not quite so angry this time around.

“No,” you said quietly, relief coloring your voice that he finally seemed to be listening to you.

Blue eyes bored into your own, but you stared back at him, refusing to show anything that could be taken as guilt or uneasiness. You’d finally gotten the man to listen to you. You didn’t want to give him any reason to doubt you word.

You were not going to a freakin’ therapist.

“And you’ve never thought about committing suicide?” he pressed, once again stepping forward until he was in your space.

“No,” you repeated, with only a hint of impatience. Really. Why did he believe Katelyn so readily but not you?

“Then you won’t mind if I stay here tonight,” he suddenly said, eyes once again daring you to challenge him. Which, normally, you wouldn’t. But tonight, he’d broken in, interrupted your coveted “alone with a movie and ice cream” time, yelled at and accused you of shit you didn’t actually do and now demanded you house him for the night.

Yeah…not in this lifetime.

“I do mind, actually,” you shot back, eyes narrowing at the agent. “I don’t need a babysitter and now that I’ve told you that I’m not suicidal, there’s no reason for you to stay.”

You turned to the couch and went to sit back down. “Especially with that attitude of yours,” you muttered under your breath. Really, there were days it was like dealing with a five year old. Pretty sure he was supposed to be acting older than you.

“Y/N,” came the warning growl from behind you and you rolled your eyes.

“Seriously, Bond, you can relax, okay? I’m not suicidal, I don’t want to ‘end it all’ and I’ll see you tomorrow at work.” You finally turned to look at him over your shoulder. “Unless you’re going on another mission…?”

The Double-Oh stared at you for a moment before shaking his head. “No mission yet.”

You nodded once, “Good. Then I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” You turned your attention back to the movie that had made quite a bit of progress since you’d been so rudely interrupted and pretended to not hear the soft cursing behind you or feel the glare being shot to the back of your head.

There was blissful silence in the apartment for a few minutes, (aside from the movie), before Bond finally piped up, “Really, Y/N? Harry Potter?”

You shot your own glare at him over your shoulder. “For your information, I happen to like Harry Potter. And you’re not even supposed to still be here, so no dissing the movie that’s playing.”

To your surprise, annoyance, disbelief and, you admit, slight pleasure, Bond moved around the couch arm and sat down not two inches from you, grabbing your tub of ice cream off the coffee table and spooning some into his mouth.

“At least you have good taste in this,” he muttered, blue eyes locking onto yours. It took you a second, but you realized he was teasing you. You weren’t aware the man had a playful bone in his body!

Once you got over your shock you managed to answer back, “It’s been known to happen.” You plucked the spoon out of his hand and took your own bite of the chocolate ice cream. “But this is mine. Go grab your own.”

“Now, now, Y/N. I think you should share.”

“Ha!” You barked a laugh, “Whatever for? You broke in here, remember? I didn’t bust into your house!”

“I would advise you never trying that,” he said, suddenly serious. “Good way to get shot.”

“Bond,” you said back just as serious, “I don’t know where you live and I don’t want to know.”

He tilted his head. “Yeah? And why’s that?”

“Because I’d probably be tempted to come over and try to shank you in your sleep,” you said with an angelic smile.

Bond met your smile with a dastardly smirk of his own.

“Are you sure it’d be to shank me?”

You gave him a shove with your shoulder as you spooned more ice cream out of the tub still in his hands.

“Yup. Perv.”

His chuckle made a shiver run up your spine and you realized he needed to leave. Like, now.

Putting the spoon in the tub, you leaned back onto the couch and turned back to the movie. “When you leave, would you put that in the freezer and lock the door on your way out?”

He leaned back as well, putting one arm on the back of the couch behind you before he answered. “I’ll put it in the freezer and lock the door, Y/N, but I’m not leaving.”

You turned your head, unintentionally pressing your cheek against his forearm. You had to physically stop yourself from jerking away as if burned. With Bond, showing any kind of weakness wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

And he was definitely a weakness of yours.

“Whaddya mean you’re not leaving? I thought we decided that I didn’t need a babysitter.”

“You mean you decided you didn’t need a babysitter.”

“Bond,” you growled and he shrugged. Shrugged! As if you were discussing the weather!

“Don’t call me a babysitter then. Call me something else.”

“Oh, believe me, Bond, there are several things I’d like to call you,” you muttered hotly, “and none of them are particularly flattering.”

The grin he gave made you almost give in and do pretty much whatever he wanted you to. Someday, this thing you had over Bond was going to get you into so much trouble.

“How about we just say that we’re two friends hanging out, alright? You don’t have to call me anything.”

Since moving to England, you didn’t have a whole lot of friends you hung out with, but you were still pretty sure that it only qualified as ‘friends hanging out’ if both parties were willing. But, you’d already missed about a third of the movie and could feel a headache coming on so you just nodded.

“Fine. Whatever you say, friend.”

Bond gave a small grunt of triumph and relaxed further into the couch after depositing the ice cream on the table once again. Your head was still in contact with his arm, but he was warm and solid next to you, so you decided to just enjoy the rare closeness you had with the man and focused on the rest of Harry Potter.

It wasn’t until the movie was over and Bond was putting the ice cream away that the shit hit the fan. Again.

You were in the middle of stretching when Bond came back into the living room, barefoot and no tie.

“Hey, Y/N, you want—“ he cut off abruptly and you stopped stretching to look at him expectantly.

“Do I want what, Bond?” you asked after a few moments of silence, but the man wasn’t paying attention to you but rather looking at your arms.

Looking down, you saw why.

“Wow,” you murmured to yourself, “I thought I had until at least tomorrow before those showed up.”

“What happened?” Bond demanded, narrowed blue eyes never leaving the dark bruises around your upper arms.

You’d never been good with taking things very seriously, especially if you didn’t find them to be a big deal, but even you had to admit that saying, “Considering the work you’re in, I’m surprised you don’t recognize your own handy work,” was a bit too…crass.

But, it’d already been said so you just gave a small rueful smile and apologized.

Figures, the apology would be what set him off.

“You’re apologizing to me for hurting you?” he demanded, voice loud once again. And here you’d thought you had met your quota for yelling today.

You groaned. “Oh for the love of…. Really, Bond? My neighbors are going to think I’m in some kind of domestic situation if you keep yelling. So, shush and help me get the house ready for sleeping.”

The super secret spy agent looked at you for a long moment while you patiently, (or as patient as you could be), waited for him to come to his senses already so you could get some shut eye.

“I should go,” Bond said after a moment. You crossed your arms.

“James,” you said softly, taking a step towards him, “I really would appreciate it if you stayed.”

The man in front of you scoffed, though blue eyes didn’t leave your own.

“A few minutes ago, you couldn’t wait to get rid of me.”

You scoffed yourself. “That’s because you were going to babysit me and thought I was suicidal of all things. Which I’m not. But I would like you to stay if you’re willing.”

Bond regarded you for a moment before stepping forward until he was directly in front of you. Warm fingers gently trailed over the darkening bruises on your arms.

“You’re sure you’d like me to stay?” he asked quietly, eyes boring into yours.

You gave a gentle smile. “I really would like nothing better.”

[darkacademicfrom2021]

Moving day

Based on @lucywrites02's writing challenge, with the prompts "1. You're family" and "8. I have a surprise for you". I wish you a very happy birthday, Lucy!

Pairing: Loki x fem!reader (Tony Stark's daughter, not Morgan)

Word count: 3.2 K

Warnings: fluff and pregnancy :) This was very adorable to write.

Taglist: @lucywrites02, @louieboo87,@jesuswasnotawhiteman, @geekwritersworld, @whatafuckingdumbass, @mysticunicorn7, @toe-vind-ek-jou, @t00-pi, @selfship-mishaps, @sallymagnoliaposts, @deadgirl88, @enderslove

Gif: @moonrainbow

It had surprised Thor greatly how quickly and intensely his brother had fallen for you. He was as committed and truthful as he has never been in his long, long life. He looked at you softly, in comparison with everyone else. As soon as you walked in a room, he followed you with his gaze and invited you to his conversation. It wasn’t a surprise that after a few months of this very silent flirting (that very few noticed, because it mainly consisted in batting eyelashes and repressing subtle smiles when the other was around) you’d come out of the shell and admit you started dating. Thor was ecstatic.

Tony, on the other hand, was not amused. Not amused at all; in fact, he hated the idea of you going around with that God. He said, explicitly “if you ever get in trouble because of him, you solve it yourself. Nothing of coming for daddy to help, clear?”. Pepper had told him to cut some slack, and observe at how happy you were together, but he, stubborn to the bone, had to take a few months more before accepting the fact that his little girl was in love with the God of Mischief.

But the months passed by; almost a year, and you grew closer and closer. You hated to sneak into his room every night, and get interrupted all the time by every single soul in the compound, or mocked to death every time you cuddled on the sofa, watched a movie or read a book together. So, it all boiled down to the same conversation:

“I don’t think he’s ready”, you said while pouring some milk on your cereal. Nat rolled her eyes.

“He’s even readier than you”, insisted Wanda. They were exhausted from having the same conversation over and over, but you couldn’t bring yourself to actually do something about it. “He’s lived much longer, if any of you two were to be unready, that’d be you”.

“Do you think I’m not ready?”, you doubted yourself.

“God, Wanda. You’re planting unnecessary seeds here. The girl’s already anxious enough”.

“I just think… I want him to be with me for the rest of my life. I don’t know if he feels the same”.

“He totally does”.

“Yeah. No doubt about that. Just look at how he looks at you. What are you even waiting for?”.

“I don’t know, a signal?”.

“Of what? You’re impossible. Unless God themself comes down the sky and tells you textually just move in with him, you wouldn’t consider it a ‘signal’”, bitched Nat. But she was right. Commitment was not exactly your thing, even though you were as in love as you could be.

You heard an oncoming scream approaching the room. In silence, you three observed cautiously, and moved away from the middle. The screaming increased its loudness, until a body shattered the roof and fell to the floor violently. Loki laid still among the dusted debris until a second screaming started sounding from the sky.

“Oh, fuck”, he said, managing to get up quickly and making himself as a shield for you three. Thor landed on his feet over the same spot Loki had fallen. Dust flew everywhere and the floor cracked a bit more. “Don’t”, he alerted, pointing at his brother menacingly.

“I’m tired of your whinings, brother. Do something or I’ll do it myself”, spat Thor, grabbing Mjölnir and leaving the room. Loki sighed and sat on the couch, cleaning the remains with his magic. Wanda sighed and put it all back together.

“And what was that about?”, asked Nat, eating a candybar, still on the same spot as earlier. It wasn’t an unusual scene.

“I…”, said Loki, but desisted. You sat on the couch by his side and he laid, using your lap as a pillow. You took out a tissue and started carefully cleaning the blood off his cuts. He smiled softly. “We just had a fight”.

“I can see that. What did you fight about?”.

“He wants me to… well, talk to you”, he struggled to say.

“Well, we’re talking now”.

“Yes. No, wait, no. Like, talk talk”, he clarified, and Nat and Wanda nodded, leaving the room. You could still hear their chattery from the door.

Loki sat up and grabbed both of your hands, making direct eye contact. He was nervous, which only made you even more unsettled. He was never nervous. He was always calm, even in life or death situations. He was unfazed in everything and with almost everyone. Almost.

“What do you want to talk talk about?”, you joked, and he chuckled, releasing some tension.

“I want you to move in with me”.

“Oh. Wait. What?”.

“Like, move out. But with me”.

“To your room?”.

“Out of the Compound”.

“To an apartment?”.

“Yes”.

“Here?”.

“In Midgard, yes”.

“But like, in New York?”.

“Wherever you want, actually”.

You stayed silent for a few seconds, and Loki grew nervous again. You couldn’t help but laugh. He looked at you quizzically, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that… a God just fell down the sky and told me to move in with you”, you clarified, which didn’t actually clarify anything.

“You… what?”.

“Yes, I’d love to move in with you, love”.

And in no time you were already packing things up and going together on apartment huntings.

Tony insisted on helping you out himself, which was hilarious, given the repulsion he had for the idea in the first place. So, you’d go to an apartment by yourself, check it out and talk to the owner for a bit; Loki would arrive later, tensing things up (the owners would usually recognize him, but after a little chat they’d find out he’s a fine man), and then, just after you’d be all calm and good, the owners would see in the papers you’re a Stark, and tense up even more. Easier to say, it wasn’t a normal neighborhood chat.

You had finally decided on a small but very cozy apartment near Central Park; far enough from the Stark Tower, but you could get there pretty quickly for every mission.

You found the place advertised on the papers, and when you showed it to Loki, in sickness and all, you insisted on going to visit it that same day.

“My love, my dearest… you need to rest. I’m afraid you might faint again”, he cooed, trying to get you back to bed.

“A little fever won’t do anything to me, really, I’m f…”, you said, but you felt like vomiting, so you stopped your words and sat on the floor. Loki sat by your side and rubbed your back.

“If you feel better tomorrow, we go, yes? Now, come on, I’m gonna call Banner and you wait on your bed”.

“No, but they might take it, we need to go to make sure…”.

“What about I go, call you on one of those animated images, and you can see it from here?”, he proposed, helping you up. He meant a video call.

“That… sounds about right”.

But you had no actual time to have that video call, for when he was in the apartment, Banner was delivering some more important news.

You’ve been to the examination’s room of the compound before. But this time it seemed brighter. The lights shone so strongly, you had to close your eyes a little.

“What would you like to do about it?”, asked Banner. You were sobbing and trembling.

“I… I don’t know, I’m sure Loki will leave me”.

“What? No, don’t base your decision on that guy’s opinion”.

“Well, I don’t want the kid to not have a father, you know?”, you said as he gave you a tissue. “I want to have it, I’ve always wanted a kid. I think I’m… ready? I’m probably not. Not by myself, and I can’t do this alone. He’ll leave me, won’t he? Why would he want to have a kid with a mortal? We’d die as fast as he blinks”.

“Look, I’m no one to talk about it, but this sounds more like your anxiety and less like something he would do. He really loves you, he has for like at least a year, and I don’t see that going away anytime soon”.

“I know. You might be right”.

“You’re allowed to doubt everything. This is a huge thing, y/n. Think this through, talk to people, talk to your friends, or your parents. Don’t let this eat you”.

“Thanks, Bruce. You’re really… you’re being really nice, I appreciate it”, you sobbed. He handed you another tissue as he rubbed your shoulder.

“This is your call, okay? You have time to think. Text me later how you’re feeling, and have bed rest now. And if you feel too bad, take this”, he handed you some pills, “it should be innocuous for the baby”.

One of those days, that same week, you had decided to make it the official moving day. So, you put every box in the van and drove through the city, to your new home. You haven’t told Loki yet what you knew, and you were terrified he’d get even more upset because you didn’t tell him before the moving. But, to be fair, you didn’t think he’d actually leave.

You had told no one about it, despite Banner’s indications. But it wasn’t eating you. You were enjoying it silently. You were glad; you had your doubts, fears… Hell, you were terrified. But you knew, if Loki wasn’t going to be a part of that, you could do it yourself. You hoped he’d wanted to, though.

Loki and you had started taking the boxes inside, all by hand (to be honest, he was a little scared of the neighbours watching him do things with magic and kicking you two out). You laughed through it, and played races to see who’d finish their boxes first. He was wearing one of those midgardians shirts and pants that melted you completely. He wore that for your anniversary dinner the week before that day, and he noticed how much you loved it on him, so he started wearing fancy casual clothes more often than not.

After about two hours, you were done and completely exhausted. You laid in the middle of the wooden floor, surrounded by boxes and a strong smell of floorwax and fresh paint, and looked at each other fondly.

“Welcome home”, you said, and he showed you the biggest smile he’s ever done.

“I think this place is perfect. It’s away, but not exactly far from your family for whenever you’d want to be with them”.

“Yes, it’s perfect”, you said, getting up and helping him up. “You know, I have a surprise for you”.

“Really? What is it?”.

“Tonight at dinner, shall we? In the meantime, what about we get something to drink before unpacking?”.

“Can’t wait for tonight, then. Would you like some tea?”, he said, surrounding your waist with his arms. You played gently with his hair.

“Yes”.

“I love you”, he said, giving you a small peck over your smile.

“And I love…”, you started saying, but the entrance got filled with noisy people, interrupting you. Four of your friends were already filling the place, giving you an idea of how a small party would fit in there. “... you”.

“Oh my God! This place is so well illuminated!”, said Wanda, marveled.

“And what’s that smell? Have you been cooking something weird?”, said Nat, less enthusiastic, but equally curious. Sam and Bucky were still on the door, and Sam seemed to have brought food. Like a cake, or something similar. Wanda and Natasha were quick to invade the place without further notice.

“Oh, you got one of those hidden drawers! What are you hiding in there?”.

“Probably sex toys”, guessed Nat.

“I’d say drugs. But, like, alien drugs. You know, from his town”, apported Bucky, now making his way in and leaving the cake over the counter.

“I thought drawers were supposed to be for clothes”, said Sam, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, but hidden drawers? Sexy clothes”.

“Actually, I’m saving my daggers in there”, finally said Loki, kissing your cheek before pulling away from you, and appearing a cup of tea in each guest with a movement of his wrist.

“Boring”.

“So, guys, what do you think?”, you said as you started opening one of the boxes.

“I think it’s small”, said Tony, as he walked in. Pepper rolled her eyes behind him.

“Don’t listen to him, you guys chose perfectly. This place will look very nice once you paint it and decorate it”.

“It’s already painted”.

“Oh. Well, it… it looks nice”.

“Thanks mom”, you chuckled. “It’s small but we don’t need it to be big”.

“You better be actually saving daggers in here”, Tony peeped inside the hidden drawer. “Now that is not so hidden. I wouldn’t like to open it up someday and find a…”.

“Dad, please”, you rolled your eyes and went to Loki’s side. “Don’t worry, you won’t find anything weird. Just the daggers and knives of my very innocent boyfriend”.

“Well, you’ll have to think further about having knives so close to the floor, you know”, he muttered. Loki furrowed his eyebrows.

“Why?”.

Tony ignored him and walked to you earnestly, with the most serious face expression you’ve ever seen, and everyone observed quietly. He grabbed you by the shoulders, and inhaled a deep breath. All of the sudden, his eyes got watery, and you realized Banner had told him about the pregnancy. Your heart beat so fast you thought you’d faint again, right there. The corners of his lips formed a tiny smile, and he hugged you tightly. Loki was certainly confused now. As far as he knew, Tony didn’t like him, and why would he be so happy about you moving out? It’s not like you were his only child, either.

“I’m so proud of you”, he whispered, and then Loki had the feeling he wasn’t talking about the new apartment, but didn’t ask any further.

That night you managed to cook something special, even though you still hadn’t gotten the gas installed. You cooked together, and laughed at every minor inconvenience the house could give you. The doors of the countertop cabinets were the perfect height for Loki’s 6’4” ass to stump his head every time he tried to open it.

After some time of silent cooking, absorbed on each’s thoughts, Loki asked about your dad’s pride.

“Oh, he’s… well, he just, gets very emotional with these things”. He chuckled at your very obvious lie.

“No, he doesn’t. Certainly not with me”.

“Come on, he likes you now. He likes anyone I love, because you make me happy, and because he has no other choice”.

“Well… I thought he’d be less amused”, he admitted. “Hasn’t he? Other choice, I mean”.

“I don’t think so. He’d have to deal. Family is family”.

“Oh, do I know about that”, he said, cutting a carrot more strongly than before. You laughed.

“I meant it in a good way”.

“Well, your family is one thing, mine is another… I can’t push yours to like me, as much as I would like to. They’re very nice, and I wish I had a family like that, but I don’t”.

“Love, family is built”, you said, this time a little more serious. He repressed a smile, still looking at the vegetables. “You’re part of this, too, you know?”.

“Of this?”.

“You’re family”.

He didn’t repress the smile this time.

“You’re right. You’re my family, too, my love”.

“You…”, you took a deep breath. It was the perfect moment. “Do you ever imagine us in the future?”.

“Why yes, of course”.

“Really?”.

“I want to spend all your life with you. I didn’t want to rush into things because… I don’t know, scaring you out of anything, but I…”, he said, and the alarm on your phone went off, to take the rice from the fridge. You two laughed at how mundane this conversation seemed. “But I love you, and I want you by my side”.

“Okay. Well I do too. That’s good, right? That’s good”.

“Yes, of course it’s good, why so doubtful?”, he laughed, grabbing a tomato and stabbing it.

“Because I’m pregnant”.

“Yeah”, he chuckled, without actually realizing what you just said. And then, he fell. “Hold on, what did you just say?”.

“I’m… I’m having a baby. Yours, of course”, you clarified. You felt like you had to, but it wasn’t actually necessary. Silence filled the kitchen.

“Oh dear” he paused. He left the knife over the counter and looked at you, looking for any trace of a joke. You weren’t joking, and you grew nervous as he let time pass by without saying a word. “How could you not tell me this before moving in?”, he muttered, still in a bit of a shock.

“Oh. Well… I…”.

“I wouldn’t have let you carry those heavy boxes, love, I’m so sorry”, he said, and cupped your cheeks. “Are you really…?”. You sighed in relief. For a moment you thought of the worse.

“Yes, I am”.

His arms embraced you completely, hugging you as tight as he allowed himself to. He muttered how much he loved you, and how happy you had just made him, for the rest of his life.

Later that night, as you laid in bed, he cuddled you from behind with his hands on your tummy and his lips on your bare shoulder. You could feel his soft breathing grazing your skin, and his warmth keeping you safe.

“Loki”, you whispered, checking if he was still awake. You couldn’t sleep.

“Yes, love?”, he whispered back.

“Are you sure you want to be a daddy? With me?”.

He turned you around, and lowered his head to your abdomen. He sank his face and kissed all around your stomach and hips, leaving a trace of kisses up to your neck, and then your lips.

“How could I not?”, he whispered in a low voice. Burying his nose in the crook of your neck, teased “besides, the word daddy comes out so well from your lips”.

You laughed softly, and after some more silence that was fairly filled with loving stares, a thought crossed his head and you saw the light of his eyes turn to dark.

“What is it, love?”, you put a strand of his hair behind an ear.

“I… I’m just realizing something bad”, he said, and you nodded. “I’m a Frost Giant”.

“Why is it bad?”.

“My actual form is bigger than this. And… colder. And if the baby were Jötun too...”.

“You think the baby might hurt me?”.

“They might. I don’t know. Oh no, what if they hurts you?”, he began to panic, and you shushed him, kissing his temples.

“Don’t worry, Lokes. If that’s the case, we’ll figure it out”, you reassured him. “And maybe it’s not. And we’ll have a little and very healthy half-Jötun running around this small apartment. When have we not solved our issues? We’re good at that bit”.

“You’re right. You’re right, my dear”. He sighed, and then chuckled. “Should we have gotten a bigger place?”.

“We’ll be a very close family”, you laughed.

“We already are”, he whispered, cuddling back to you. “We are a very close family”.

[witcher-trash]

Well, uh, if you have so many recs, I've been craving animalistic Geralt? As in, for whatever reason his mind is being very Wolf, so, little to no higher rationality. Please, thank you?

thank you so much for sending this ask! I actually didn't find too many matching fics in my arsenal, I guess it's not something I read often? Please feel free to add to this if you have more and I hope the ones I found match what you are looking for! (I will rec some dead dove fics matching this theme in a seperate post, as I'm not sure if that's your cup of tea, anon~)

Witcher's Heat (geraskier, explicit, 15k, complete)

Did you know that Witchers go through some type of sexual frenzy, called a heat? Jaskier didn't either but he would have appreciated the heads-up. "You have no idea what you're asking for," he whispered. "Right now, I'm more animal than man. Especially, when you smell as you do."

I'll give them shelter like you've done for me -series (geraskier, geralt/jaskier/yennefer, omega Geralt, explicit, 65k)

Geralt is not making a nest. Jaskier has noticed this. Geralt is in fact drinking a rather foul-smelling potion that sours the sweetness of his scent and muffles its otherwise obvious meaning. “Does that stop heat?” Jaskier asks curiously, absentmindedly tuning his lute as he speaks. He hadn’t thought anything could, but, well . . . witchers and their potions. “No,” Geralt says darkly.

What Bards Want (geraskier, explicit, 10k, complete)

Everyone knows Geralt is a softie. He kicks ass without mercy but around those he cares for, he melts. So when Jaskier finally makes his feelings for the Witcher known – and they’re reciprocated – it’s no surprise to the bard when the witcher takes him to his bed and makes love to him, soft and slow, restraining the animal, the brute, Jaskier craves. Which is all well and good, lovely even, but Jaskier really, really wants to be fucked.

Howling, Hunting, Harboring (geraskier, explicit, 3k, complete)

Jaskier is more than happy to help Geralt work through the effects of his potions.

The Beast and the Bard - series (geraskier, explicit, 35k)

The mutations made a lot of changes to Geralt, size, eyes, fangs, and generally people were scared or repulsed by him. Jaskier would be quite offended if anyone ever called him something so pedestrian as 'people'. Loosely canon adjacent about Geralt being confused by and falling in love with cheerful monster fucker Jaskier

The Things You Have Caused Me Most to Want (are those that furthest elude me) (geralt/jaskier/eskel/coën/lambert, explicit, 45k, complete)

Jaskier is not what anyone would call a traditional alpha, and certainly not the kind of alpha anyone would want for a mate. And he is quite surprised to unceremoniously discover that Geralt, his companion of many years, is in fact an omega. Geralt and his fellow witchers repress their heats until they arrive at Kaer Morhen for the winter. This year, since Jaskier’s rut is starting at just the right time, Geralt invites Jaskier to come along. Jaskier thinks he knows what to expect when partnering an omega in heat, but the situation at Kaer Morhen thoroughly wrecks his expectations.

A Beast to Seek (explicit, 1k, complete)

Jaskier doesn't actually need to be told what Geralt wants. He's a good student and Geralt's a fantastic subject. Dense, frustrating, but ultimately, quite rewarding. And he's an easy read now. When he comes at Jaskier with animal roughness what he wants is roughness back. To suffer, through whatever means necessary.

[fresh-prince-of-denmark]

Literary References in The Sun: The Marriage of Heaven and Hell (Pt 3)

CYBERPUNK ENDING SPOILERS AHEAD

If you haven’t read my other two literary analysis pieces please read the analysis of V’s Mikoshi poem here and Johnny’s Mikoshi poem here! This one is a real doosey though. In fact, I think it might even allude to either future DLC or imply the reason V decides to got to the Crystal Palace in the end.

As I play through all the endings, I’ve been on the lookout for all pieces of literature scattered around the world. I found this one downstairs in V’s apartment after (Don’t Fear) the Reaper (hardest level in a video game in my humble opinion, yikes), but I assume it’s the same in any iteration of The Sun’s ending. It comes from the first chapter in The Marriage Between Heaven and Hell called The Argument. If you’ve read my thoughts on V’s poem, this should set off some alarm bells (remember the line “like a tedious argument?).

A bit of a background on out author, William Blake, should also set off some alarm bells. TRUST ME, this is important! I straight up lost my mind when I saw this. William Blake was, as Johnny would say, a true rebel. He challenged a lot of the ideas of organized religion through his art and poetry, such as the simple idea that good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell. Who’s ideas was he responding to exactly? Swedenborg’s. Emmanuel Swedenborg. AKA our mysterious crank philosopher in the side quest Happy Trails, who Johnny complains and disagrees with throughout the entire quest. Blake disagreed that the line between good and evil is clear, and that as humans we can be both good and evil. This really strikes me as such a Johnny poem to pick. After all, Johnny’s an asshole. But his reasoning for his art, his belief system, was noble. Even if he is a dick. Let’s move on to the poem:

Rintrah roars and shakes his fires in the burdened air;

Hungry clouds swag on the deep.

Once meek, and in a perilous path,

The just man kept his course along

The vale of death.

Roses are planted where thorns grow,

And on the barren heath

Sing the honey bees.

Then the perilous path was planted:

And a river and a spring

On every cliff and tomb;

And on the bleached bones

Red clay brought forth.

Till the villain left the paths of ease,

To walk in perilous paths, and drive

The just man into barren climes.

Now the sneaking serpent walks

In mild humility,

And the just man rages in the wilds

Where lions roam.

Rintrah roars and shakes his fires in the burdened air;

Hungry clouds swag on the deep.

So what’s this all about? Rintrah is our main character, meant to personify the righteous anger of a true prophet, walking toward “the vale of death,”  a seemingly more painful yet beautiful path to walk. Opposed to him is the “villain”, someone who leaves “the path of ease,” to walk a more difficult path to join our protagonist to “rage in the wilds.” This poem colludes with the passage: 

“Without contraries is no progression. Attraction and repulsion, reason and energy, love and hate, are necessary to human existence.

From these contraries spring what the religious call Good and Evil. Good is the passive that obeys reason; Evil is the active springing from Energy. Good is heaven. Evil is hell.”

What is this saying? We all have both good and evil within us, and that’s actually a positive thing. One cannot progress without these contradictions. Being good means to passively obey, while being evil means being active with energy.

Without going too far into the book (we’d be here all day, it’s so long and hard to read. Blake is super interesting but such a blowhard), there’s some other ideas that are interesting in contrast with the story of Cyberpunk. Blake asserts several new ideas in his next chapter, The Voice of the Devil. In this section, the speaker calls the Bible out on contradictory statements; such as the idea that the body and soul are separate, and that The Energy called Evil comes from the body, while The Reason called Good comes from the Soul. Blake argues that the body and soul are one; Energy (Evil) are life, and Reason (good) are what surrounds it. Real complicated way to say that good and evil are no so easily defined. Blake praises Milton’s Paradise Lost in for showing that resisting temptation does not make one strong, and that by giving into desire Milton’s hero is righteous. Who is the hero of Paradise Lost you may ask? Satan. Hmmmm...

The next sections promote the idea of giving into temptation; standing for creativity, art, and fighting against repression. He describes giants who formed the earth, the Prolific (who stand for art, and temptation) and the Devouring (the meek, oppressed and obedient). They are at constant war with one another. This comes right back to our “tedious argument” in V’s poem: the little people, like V, are the Devouring. They don’t have time to disobey, to rise up against oppression. Conformity, whether it’s doing sketchy jobs for fixers or working for Arakaka, is rewarded with survival, often at the cost of one’s soul. It is the easy, the meek, path. Johnny hopes to stand for the Prolific, questioning the status quo, walking the rebel path, using art to “shake the world awake.” Johnny also represents this in the way he gives into temptation, whether that be drugs or his impulsiveness in general. Another interesting thing this brings up is the whole Heaven/Hell/Life/Mikoshi dichotomy. V questions if Mikoshi is “the light of heaven, or the fire of hell.” This loops back to Johnny’s poem again: what is immortality? What does it mean to be alive? According to Blake, the line between heaven and hell aren’t so black and white either, and in fact hell might not be so bad. Why would the Devil punish the true rebels? So which of V’s paths truly chooses life? To walk toward the unknown, or to live in a withering body, one that will one day decay, sooner or later, whether V or Johnny returns to it. Huh. Maybe the Blackwall isn’t so bad. And much like Blake, Johnny doesn’t seem to afraid of Blackwall/Hell. Scared to push V toward the unknown, sure. But at least appearing unafraid, since much like Blake, he’s already faced it once. 

So what does this mean for our ending, and for possible future DLC? Is this meant to be the true ending, despite popular (and my personal belief) that The Star seems to be the happiest ending? Why does V go to the crystal palace? Are they continuing to play Night City’s game, where one either “becomes an asshole or is killed by one” (according to Judy)? Or are they the “villain”, leaving their previous path of the meek to join Rintrah/Johnny and rage in the wilds? This game does a lot of work to pit the idea of art vs conformity, survival of the body vs the soul, and for that reason I hope this is saying something about The Sun ending: we’re going to find Johnny. Either in a metaphorical sense, connecting to his legacy…or maybe in a physical sense?

[iliveiloveiwrite]

Paths, Avenues, and Secret Tunnels // S.B. (celebration fic)

Request: 6 & 13 from the fluff section with sirius black at hogwarts (location). 💛 - anon

Fluff 6: “Are you... Are you flirting with me?”

Fluff 13: “Compared to you: stars pale, and the moon dulls.”

A/N: Here’s your request! I hope you like! This one got away from me if I'm honest but I struggled with it so much in the beginning that I'm happy I found my flow. I don’t think I’ll be posting a fic tomorrow, I’m not sure yet, I have a ridiculously busy day so who knows! However, as always, I hope you all enjoy!

Pairing: Sirius Black x Fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of an attempted harassment, swearing, self-defence, shitty parents, BUT THIS IS FLUFF, I PROMISE (there’s even a make out scene for you all)

Word count: 3.3k

Most weekends at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry could usually be spent in the neighbouring, picturesque village of Hogsmeade. Students, in their droves, descended upon the wizarding village – all ready to spent their knuts, sickles and galleons on whatever took their fancy in the array of shops that neatly lined the small high street.

For many of the students in Third Year and above, they relished the chance to spend a whole day outside of Hogwarts. You would have liked to have gone with them, but in a fit of anger your mother and father flat out refused to sign the yearly permission slip meaning that your visits to the small, sleepy village had been put to a stop.

You maintained fiercely that their punishment was unjustified. Your use of magic outside of school was perfectly reasonable considering that the man they had tried to set their daughter up with for an arranged marriage was nothing short of a creep that had to be put in his place.

Your reaction to the unsolicited attention of the repulsive man caused nothing smaller than a war between your parents and yourself. They felt humiliated that you should act such a way in front of a respectable, eligible gentleman who had taken the time out of his busy schedule to come to dinner and meet with you. You felt nothing short of fury at your parents for thinking you would ever go along with archaic traditions that should have died long ago.

It led to your parents taking the one thing that you looked forward to every school year away from you. In front of you, they tore apart the permission slip and threw it onto the fire where you watched as it turned to grey ash.

Your weekends were now spent either in the common room or the library; working on your homework, studying for an exam or simply reading to pass the time. By the fourth Hogsmeade weekend of the year, you had explored the castle enough to attract Filch’s unwanted attention, so you decided to reign in your exploits to the parts of the castle you knew were safest.

The common room had quickly become your safe haven after the third time you were questioned by Filch. Both the morning and afternoon of any Hogsmeade weekend spent reading over any work and napping periodically by the fire.

Stretching out on the couch, you finish reading over your notes from Potions, making a mental note to ask Slughorn whether you could borrow his classroom next weekend to test a theory that had come to you only a few moments ago. Another Hogsmeade weekend and you had made doubly sure to keep yourself occupied through it all – happy to see your friends off; already sick of their pitying looks.

“(Y/L/N)!” Sirius shouts; jumping the back of the couch and settling next to you.

“Sirius, how can I help?” You ask with a smile; turning to face the teenager you’ve known since the two of you were in nappies.

“I can’t help but notice that you haven’t been seen in Hogsmeade for a while now. One can’t help but wonder…”

You laugh, “I’m surprised it’s taken you this long to ask me considering our parents are like this,” You cross your fingers together; indicating just how close the two families were – Sirius’ mother visiting yours for tea at least three times a week.

“What happened?”

You sigh, clutching your book to your chest, “My parents cruel and unusual form of punishment.”

“What?”

You smile at the memory, “I jinxed the guy they were trying to marry me off to, so they tore up the permission slip in front of me and threw it onto the fire in a fit of dramatics.”

“Why did you jinx him?”

“I don’t want to say.”

“What did he do?” Sirius asks; voice low and lethal.

You sigh, “His hands tried to wander under the dining table. They didn’t get very bloody far before he was met with the finger removing jinx,” You huff proudly, “See how far he gets without the counter-jinx, the prat.”

“But you’re okay? You weren’t hurt?”

You shake your head; smiling at the care in Sirius’ voice. “I’m fine, I promise,” You reassure, “However, my parents thought it fitting to tear up my permission slip to Hogsmeade hence why I stay in the castle every weekend.”

Something in Sirius’ chest loosens at your words; happy to know that you’re okay and that you gave the creep what he deserved but he frowns at your parents response. “Did you explain to your parents what he tried to do?”

You fix him with a look that tells him of course you did, “They refused to listen; not someone like him,” Your voice takes on a higher pitch as you mimic your mother, “He’s such a responsible man from a wonderful family – I don’t know how you could do this to him.”

Sirius snorts at your impression; noting how accurate it is. “I’m sorry,” He murmurs.

You wave his apology with a swift movement of your hand, “I’ve gotten used to it now. You wouldn’t believe how on top of homework I am.”

He laughs, “Still, all the same.”

“I know,” You whisper.

Sirius pats your knee; he gestures towards the door with his head where his friends had walked through only a moment ago, “I better…”

You nod, “Of course. Go! Go – have a nice time.”

Sirius throws a small smile your way before he leaves the common room.  

For the first time in the five weekends you had been unable to visit the humble village; you had never hated your parents more.

-------

Sirius Black continues to play on your mind in a way he hasn’t done since your crush on him in Second Year when you were smaller and more naïve. The friendship between you was a lifelong one; families being so close that there was no other option but to get along as your mothers would drink tea and gossip and your fathers would conduct business in offices away from prying eyes and ears.

Your feelings for the elder Black sibling became news to you when you were turning ten years old. You found yourself wondering what it would be like to hold his hand longer and to hug him whenever instead of in greeting or in farewell – innocent daydreams of a child.

Nothing like the daydreams you now found yourself occupied with whenever you happened to find yourself staring at his mouth that little bit too long or when you zoned in on how his hands would run through his long hair and thought about what it would feel like between your fingers.

Your feelings for Sirius Black came surging back; knocking you breathless and leaving you feeling half way mad. He seemed to take over your mind; thinking of him constantly and not all the thoughts completely innocent. From a  simple smile in your direction, he had you feeling like a fool in love. From the smallest piece of attention he could give you, he had your heart in your throat.

Soon enough, you were admitting to yourself that your crush from Second Year had returned stronger than before and that there was no doubt about it. You were arse over tea kettle in love with Sirius Black.

He starts to spend his Hogsmeade weekends with you. Starting slowly; leaving the Marauders every now and then before eventually stopping joining them altogether. They all share a similar look one Saturday when instead of joining them at the door to the common room, Sirius joins you in your familiar spot on the couch.

Sirius waves to James, Remus and Peter as they depart for Hogsmeade; each of them shouting promises of bringing back sweets from Honeyduke’s as well as a surprise from Zonko’s. Sirius shakes his head at his friends before turning his full attention to you.

You smile softly at the disowned heir to the Black family fortune; repressing the growing urge to run your fingers through his hair, to kiss him senseless – to do anything with him really.

“What are the plans for today then?”

You roll your eyes, “You don’t have to do this Sirius, you can go be with your friends.”

Sirius waves his hand in a dismissive fashion, tutting, “I see them all the time. I live with them remember?” He shakes his head, “I like spending time with you.”

You chew on the inside of your cheek to keep your smile at bay, “I was thinking of finishing the book I’ve been reading.”

Sirius throws his head back with an overdramatic groan, “We did that last time!”

“And I’ve started a new book since then!” You sigh, “Like I said, Sirius, you don’t need to stay with me.”

“I want to spend time with you, but we don’t need to spend all our time here,” He says, gesturing to the dark red walls of the common room.

“I’m not bothered here. Every time I left the common room, Filch would always bother me.”

Sirius frowns, “Well we’re going out today,” He pats your leg, standing up, “Come on. Up you get, we’re off on a walk.”

“A walk?”

“A walk. An amble. A dawdle. That thing you do with your legs. Whatever you prefer to call it.”

You snort, “I know what a walk is, Sirius.”

“Then why ask?”

“Don’t make me regret coming with you.”

He grins at you, “Never, my dear.”

Sirius holds an arm out to you which you take; hooking your elbow through his. He sets off at a slow pace; holding the door to the common room open for you like the gentleman he was raised to be before leading you down the corridors.

With most students in Hogsmeade and the First and Second years occupied with a Quidditch training camp being run by the Holyhead Harpies, the corridors of the school are relatively quiet as you and Sirius continue your walk through the school that’s more of a second home rather than a place of education.

“Are your parents still angry?” Sirius asks out of the blue.

“I couldn’t care less though; it was self-defence and I’m happier for it. but you know them; there never was a couple who could hold a grudge like dear old mum and dad.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I reckon I could beat you.”

“How have you been since that night?”

Sirius looks off into the distance; mind immediately returning to the night he had walked out on his family, on Regulus. He had told you about when the school year had restarted after the Easter break.

“Good,” He eventually says, “I’m living with James’ family now. I’ve always been welcome at the Potters.”

You nod; happiness washing over you, “I’m glad you’ve found somewhere, I was worried when you sent me the one letter.”

“I wanted to send more,” He says, voice pained, “But I didn’t know if your parents would be nosy.”

“You were right not to,” You sigh, “Since they heard about our friendship rekindling, they keep looking at me as if I’m going to run any moment.”

“Would you?”

“Would I run away?”

He nods; pausing in his steps. You stop alongside him; thinking over your answer, “It depends. If I have to sit through another arranged dinner and possible marriage, then happily. If my parents suddenly see reason, then perhaps our relationship could improve.”

“How long have they been trying to marry you off?”

“Since I turned seventeen so just over a year since my birthday is one of the first of the year.”

Sirius chuckles humourlessly, “I’m glad I got out when I could.”

You nudge his shoulder, “All it means is that your life has taken a different path, Sirius. But I know whatever you decide to do, it will be the right path. It’s you walking it after all; it can’t be bad if you’re the one walking it.”

Sirius doesn’t reply to your words. He’s too overcome by your words to even think of replying. Out of the fallout from his family, the one thing he was concerned about was how it would affect your relationship with you but when he saw you after Easter and all you did was pull him into a tight hug, he knew that everything would be okay and that you would be going nowhere.

He doesn’t need to say the words out loud to accept them; he knows that he has fallen in love with you. Sirius realises with a jolt that he has most likely always loved you; only coming to the realisation since spending more and more time with you over your parental imposed school grounding.

Sirius doesn’t know what path his life is going to take; he has the Marauders and he knows he has them for life – very little coming between them to split them permanently. But through it all; through all of his late night worrying and upset, Sirius hopes and hopes that your life starts to wander down the same path as his.

By this time, you’ve circled the courtyard, ready to make your way to Hagrid’s Hut and beyond. Both happy enough to now spend the rest of your day dawdling around the castle; talking everything and nothing – simply spending the time with each other. The feelings that are harboured by the both of you simmer in the small space between your bodies; spoken yet unspoken.

The conversation from earlier, and the tension, has dissipated leaving behind a light, fun atmosphere that lets you see the best of Sirius. As a result, he has your heart thumping in your throat to the point where your pulse sounds in your ears.

It’s when he makes one comment about your closeness as children that has a particularly flirty tone and meaning that has your back straightening in realisation, “Are you… Are you flirting with me?”

“I might be…” Sirius comments with a smile.

“Not even you could be so cruel, Sirius, to bring up a childhood crush like that and play with my emotions.”

“What childhood crush?”

“Tell me you knew?”

At the blank expression on his face and the curiosity alive in his eyes, you let out a laugh, “I had the biggest crush on you when we were kids… even when we started Hogwarts I had a crush on you! You had to know, surely?”

He shakes his head vigorously, “I had no idea about it.”

“Oh…” You trail off.

“It was reciprocated if you were wondering.”

You sit up straighter, “It was?”

Sirius blushes; pushing his hair back from his face, “It was.”

Silence falls between the two of you. You’ve both stopped walking; steps paused in the middle of the corridor – hardly any sound around you other than the occasional hoot of an owl and a laugh from a young student. For what feels like forever, you simply stare at each other.

Your stomach turns with anticipation; readying yourself for the question you’re about to ask. Taking a deep breath, you break the silence with a single question, “And what about now?”

“Now?”

You nod, “Are those feelings reciprocated now?”

“They might be…”

“They might be, or they are?” You ask breathlessly; his words setting aflame the hope in your heart.

“They are. They really are.”

“Thank Merlin,” you gasp before pulling Sirius into a kiss by the hem of his t-shirt.

He responds immediately; taking control of the kiss as his lips glide against yours seamlessly. There could no arranged marriage, no relationship you could ever have that could compare to this one moment. In this one instant, all is defined, and you know that at almost eighteen, Sirius Black was to be the one for you.

A hand runs through his hair as the other anchors itself in his t-shirt; finally getting to feel his hair after so long craving it. With a slight tug of his dark locks, you smile against his mouth at the groan you elicit from the back of his throat. You file that piece of information away for later when it can be explored thoroughly. Entirely wrapped up in him, you give yourself over to him, letting his familiar scent of cloves and sweet orange wash over you.

Breaking the kiss, Sirius rests his forehead on yours for a moment, catching his breath and letting the contentment wash over him. He places kisses over your face – your nose, your cheeks, your forehead before finally pecking your lips in an open mouthed kiss.

You beam up at him; happy to have this moment with him in a quiet school where you won’t be interrupted by students, teachers, or ghosts alike.

With a wide grin, Sirius drops his hold of your waist to take hold of your hand and begins to lead you back through the corridors and to the moving staircases. Laughing, you match his pace as you run up the stairs, taking extra care for those that start to shift.

“Where are you taking me?” You ask with a loud giggle.

“It’s a secret,” Sirius says; turning quickly to face you. He places a finger to his lips in a hush. Then and there, you have to resist pulling him into another kiss from the look on his face; the utter delight spread over it combined with the intense mischief and elation alight in his eyes has your heart beating even faster.

Saying no more, you continue on your journey, letting Sirius guide you every step of the way. Arriving on the Third Floor, Sirius turns left, pulling you towards the statue at the end of the corridor. The statue of the One-Eyed Witch had always left you feeling uneasy; as if she was watching you with her one remaining eye – it seemed to follow you wherever you stepped.

Sirius stops in front of the statue; staring up at her for a moment before fixing his gaze on you. His hand comes up to brush your cheek, “Compared to you: stars pale, and the moon dulls. However, I know that your reaction to what I’m about to show you will even pale the brightest galaxy.”

You duck your head; uncertain of what to reply, feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the sheer emotion in his voice. Sirius tips your chin back up with a single finger, “Fancy going to Hogsmeade?”

You shake your head, “Sirius, I can’t. My parents, remember?”

“I remember just fine. Still, fancy going to Hogsmeade?”

“How?”

Sirius points to the statue of the one-eyed witch, “Through there.”

“Sirius, I love you but that’s a statue.”

He smirks, “It’s good to know you love me, but I need you to say the magic word.”

“And what’s that?”

Leaning close to your ear; so close that his breath is warm across your face, he whispers a single word. You find it hard to concentrate with him so close; his front pressed to your side. His lips brush against your ear and you let yourself arch into his touch as you try to focus on the word being whispered.

“Got it?”

Nodding your head, you step towards the statue. Your hand still wrapped in Sirius’, you whisper, “Dissendium,” Your voice barely louder than a breath.

You take a hasty step back when the hump to the witch opens, revealing a small slide leading into nothing but darkness. You turn to Sirius in awe; a large smile on your face, “How did you?”

Sirius simply shrugs, “I have my way, love. Now, Hogsmeade?”

Tightening your grip on his hand; tugging him into a long kiss, you can barely contain your elation with the teenager now pressing against you. Breaking the kiss but remaining close enough that your lips brush his as you whisper, “I’d go with you anywhere.”

*********

General (HP) taglist: @chaotic-fae-queen @obsessedwithrandomthings @harrypotter289 @kalimagik @heloisedaphnebrightmore @nebulablakemurphy @the-hufflefluffwriter @figlia--della--luna @bforbroadway @idont-knowrn @summer-writes @big-galaxy-chaos @black-lake-confessions @annasofiaearlobe @imboredandneedalife @levylovegood @mytreec @haphazardhufflepuff @teheharrypotter @chaoticgirl04 @accio-rogers @msmimimerton @izzytheninja @slytherinprincess03 @acciotwinz @kashishwrites

Sirius Black taglist: @approved-by-dentists @fific7 @susceptible-but-siriusexual

[tink-wondering]

Another title *smashes mug on the floor*: "and I burn for you, even though I shouldn’t"

For this ask game, and this time I am back to the twist... though this one is a bit long (I write a ficlet if you send me a title and a pairing).

Thank you for the ask, @kickassfu, and sorry for the angst... 😬

So without further ado, here is Merthur à la Pride & Prejudice (Darcy's first proposal for those who know about it)

Word count: 854

Rating: General/Teen

and I burn for you, even though I shouldn’t

“What do you want, lord Pendragon,” Merlin puts his cup down, tea time interrupted—irreparably so—when the man rushed into his home. Gwen sends Merlin a curious look at his frosty tone.

“I…” The blond man falters upon seeing Merlin is with company. “Miss Knight.” He inclines his head, regaining some of his composure.

“Lord Pendragon,” Gwen greets in a far more gracious tone than Merlin used. She always was the most level-headed between the two of them. “Did you wish to see Mr. Emrys alone?”

Merlin turns wide, betrayed eyes her way.

As usual, Lord Pendragon does not understand Merlin’s signals, and he says, thankful, “If both of you wouldn’t mind.”

“I do.”

“I do not,” Gwen says louder to drown his reply and stands. “Mr. Emrys, I will see you tomorrow at the same time for tea. I will take my leave now. Good day, gentlemen.” She curtsies as she walks out, sending Merlin a playful smile while she closes the door behind her.

“Gwen,” he hisses loudly, but she’s already gone.

Fortunately—or unfortunately if one were to asked Merlin—Lord Pendragon is too lost in his thoughts to hear his desperate whisper.

“Mr. Emrys!” he starts loudly, and Merlin is startled at his shouted name. The other man clears his throat when he sees his words have instilled panic rather than undivided attention in his listener. “Mr. Emrys, Merlin,” he says more softly. “I must confess to these feelings I have repressed for so long, too long.”

“Lord Pendragon, please!” Merlin tries to stop him before he says anything the both of them would regret. He begins to stand up, but the man gestures with a hand for him to remain seated.

“Call me Arthur, Mr. Emrys. For what I have to tell you is personal and will undoubtedly bring us closer. You must let me tell you how ardently, feverishly—because it is indeed like a disease—my admiration for you has overtaken my heart. Though by the standards high society seeks, your looks are most common as is your family’s behaviour, I find myself burning for you, even though I shouldn’t. I know our standing cannot be more different, nor our opinions in most things,” he chuckles softly, the light from the window catching just so and taking Merlin’s breath away for a second before he remembers who is confessing to him. “No matter what my family, my friends, or even my better judgement could say, these feelings must come out!”

“Lord Pendragon!” Merlin exclaims, trying to stop his confession once again. “Arthur!” he says this time, but his efforts are to no avail.

“An union between us would prove most useless,” he continues, ignoring or unhearing Merlin’s interruption. “Alas, how I feel cannot be helped. You have invaded my thoughts, at all times. I cannot function as I did before without you! I have come to find myself intrigued by your diverging opinions. Enthralled by your fervent passion. Thus, I beg of you, please, accept this proposal. Merlin Emrys, against all odds and despite the misfortune that might come upon us, will you marry me?”

“A proposal you say, Lord Pendragon?” Merlin finally stands up in haste, knocking the tea set with his legs. The delicate porcelain crashes to the ground, leaving the cups and Lord Pendragon’s hopes in shatters. “I have never heard something more outrageous in my life! This is an insult, pure and simple,” he scoffs. “My standing, as you so claim to be opposite of yours, has given me more sense than your upbringing could ever have it seems.”

“I-I did not mean offence by my words,” he apologizes, but it is too late. The hurt has been done.

“If our acquaintance—because this has never been anything more—brings such shame to you, than I think we should part ways indefinitely.”

“I see I misunderstood,” Lord Pendragon inclines his head. A cold mask overtakes his features, Merlin realizes upon seeing the difference between Lord Pendragon from a few moments before and the polite stranger—because this body double is less than an acquaintance—standing before him. “Please, forgive my presumptions as well as my forwardness. I shall live in the shame of my actions and avoid to impose my presence on you in the future. Your feelings have been made clear,” he says with another nod. “I shall take my leave, now. My best wishes for your health and your happiness.”

Merlin’s feet squelches against the tea imbibed rug as he moves to the window to look at Lord Pendragon’s departure. The man does paint a nice picture astride his stallion, but his attitude is most disagreeable, repellent and repulsive, Merlin thinks as he recalls their exchange.

“Good riddance,” he mutters into the empty room, though he’s starting to dread the moment he’ll have to relay the event to Gwen, tomorrow. She will most likely be aghast by his response to Lord Pendragon, but the man just has this way to formulate his thoughts around Merlin that makes his blood boil. He truly hopes he never has to see him again.