#New Year Jokes for family | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkskinned · 2 years

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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

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chekhovs-nailgun · 9 months

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the route is called burial becaus andrew is going to burial 4 inches in his fucking sister

#the joke is burial = bury all #i thought of this while driving to see my partners family for christmas. happy new year #chekhov's prion disease #the coffin of andy and leyley #tcoaal #andrew graves #ashley graves #proship #gravecest #sex joke and small dick joke let’s go

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fan-fangirl-world · 9 months

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Happy New Year 2024 Resident Evil Chreon

Chris: Okay, we almost got everything done for New Year...

Sherry: You think Leon and Rose will wait till midnight to cheer up?

Chris: I hope so... Leon promised me that he made an oath with Rose

---------- Later that day ----------

Sherry: Rose!! Where are you taking the cake and wine?

Rose: What are you? A cop?

Sherry: You're supposed to wait till midnight, if dad finds out you'll be in trouble

Rose: Good thing I got TWO dads and Leon allow me to...

Chris: Rose! We have to wait till midnight, Leon told me both of you would behave

Leon: hey! I only told you that "the awesome Golden members of this family would behave" BUT thankfully Rose and I are not the Golden members around here... As a fact, You and Sherry have to behave for the whole family

Rose: That being said we are not breaking the rules *Proceeds to eat cake*

Leon: So cheers! *Proceeds to drink*

#resident evil #resident evil village #chris redfield #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #sherry birkin #rose winters #kennedy redfield family #chris x leon #chreon #leon x chris #happy new year #happy new year 2024 #the joke that has to #be here every year #yes I have to do it #cheers all day #because all day is new year #somewhere in the world

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hamartia-grander · 2 months

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My grandmother gets spam calls on her landline a lot because she's old and just gives her number to anyone who asks but it's great for me because every time the family is gathered at her house and she gets a call where the caller ID says "spam risk" when I check the phone for her I say some variation of "Oh, it's Spam Risk! My old friend from Bootleg University. I will answer with my social security number". And no one finds it funny except for me

#Only good part about visiting my father's family. I get to make this stupid joke several times #Now it's usually just shortened to “my friend spam risk is calling” but if someone new is around and hasn't heard the rest I'll say it #I've been doing this for 3 years now

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nobodysdaydreams · 1 month

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Giving a complicated tragic childhood backstory to your favorite character is all fun and games, until you realize you need to account for how old all the other adult characters would have been at the time and realize that scenes that would work perfectly if one character was twenty three and the other was fourteen stop working when you need other characters who are played by adult actors clearly younger than they are to be in college at the same time so your story beats line up thematically.

#Don't worry. I made an excel document for this over a year ago #Was that unhinged? Yeah. But this is harder than you think it is #In unrelated news it is now reasonable to have a child in your 20s 30s or 40s depending on when the plot needs the child #Also people in their early 20s can be in grad school have already established careers and adopt children now. I've declared it.#Also: Hollywood stop trying to trick me into believing women in their 30s are the same age as men in their 50s. It's never gonna work.#I'm fighting for my life to make these age gaps normal even on a platonic level #Don't worry I aged the girls up and the boys down #But still this is a bit ridiculous #If you use the actors' ages it doesn't work. Garrison's actress is 16 years younger than Curtain. Why?#I mean I like the casting. But SQ is a teenager. We know Curtain has had his evil plans at least since SQ was born and lost his bio dad #and if the Whisperer is Garrison's invention that means she and Curtain were working together when SQ was born #If SQ in the show is 16 (the actor was older I believe) and Garrison is 37 (that's how old the actress is now she was younger at time)#That means Garrison was only 21 and Curtain was well into his 30s. And that's after you age SQ down and Garrison up for the calculations #So Garrison was likely (according to the shows' casting) even younger than that which begs the question what was Curtain doing?#Was he spending his 30s lurking around college campuses and high schools looking for a kid whose inventions he could steal?#What in the Marcus Cutter is that about?#All these jokes about Garrison being SQ's uninvolved divorced stepmom but nah she's really his estranged big sister #also this is very frustrating because the irl age gap between the actress who plays Number Two and Tony Hale only 7 years #but they're the ones for whom a 16 year age gap would have actually made sense because he adopts her in the books!#but now since Garrison is clearly so much younger than Number Two Curtain and Benedict I have to deal with this #(Don't worry I figured it out and made the age gaps normal. You just now have to believe Number Two is only a year older than Garrison)#It was the stress of living with her family that aged her and Garrison just looks naturally super young that's what we're going with.#And don't get me wrong:#I do like the actresses and actors they casted they're great but sometimes I google the ages and I'm like oh you cannot be serious #But we've (more or less) figured it out #Rant over #writing #writing struggles #tmbs

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artsandstoriesandstuff · 2 months

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Ginger and Gingerbread or something, I don't know I didn't grow up with this show

#but the truth is NO ONE GREW UP WITH THIS SHOW!!! I came up with the project!!!#...well I guess that means I did grow up with it lol #anyway #Ginger (right) and Gingerbread (left) is a series about a sister and brother gingerbread cookies that get stuck in Gingerbread land #thanks to -and I'm not joking- a peppermint watch Gingerbread has that can traverse dimensions #It also included their Aunt(?) Cake and their cousins as well as the annoying next-door kid Sugar- I mean Sergeant #(who of course has an incessant crush on Ginger)#(but he does get better I promise)#theres also a human antagonist a cookie version of said antagonist and a “pretty” girl named Pepper who everyone (Ginger) hated #(and likewise Gingerbread had an incessant crush on Pepper but unlike Sergeant it does NOT get better with those two)#(also Pepper is Human Gingerbread Cookie whatever's cousin. So that's fun!)#The cousins were the most generic characters ever but I still love them #They were Cutie (the baby) Hungry (the... self explanatory) Gothy (also self explanatory) Scaredy (need I say more) and Sassy #Sassy was the bratty older teenager with a new boyfriend every week of course.#In the original series Sergeant was adopted by Aunt Cake and he and Sassy had a sibling rivalry #I may just make him an orphan now... lol... but I'll still make the Cake Cousins his found family #why did I not think of the cake cousins as a name sooner #anywho. This show gives me intense 2000s disney channel/CN vibes to me let me know what you think of this 3+ year old idea lol #art #digital art #krita #gingerandgingerbreadseries #gingerbread man #original series #also I gave Gingerbread the hat to improve his silhouette is it dumb or no (/hj)#story idea #original idea #oh I forgot someone! There was a cool girl named Angel(ica) and she was Scaredy's friend who became his girlfriend later in the show #i loved the two #oh hey should I make more of these drawings of the rest of the cast/the cast I want to keep

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thedrotter · 25 days

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redrew a few old expressions from february!!! one never notices how much their art style changes in some months till you compare side by side www

(the old ones for comparison ↓)

#re:kinder #yuuichi mizuoka #fanart #you had no idea how bad my hand was itching to draw him i was so gon die there (joke)#more so because i replayed the game these days and wanted to check my old expression sheets from february i made based on some lines ...#usual commentary time☺️☺️☺️#top left may be obviously different and thats because i didnt actually base it off the old one in that case. i based it off his sprite #but the old one is based on that same sprite; just with context of line so...#no idea what went on these months that the way i drew his ahoge went from simple strands to little circular things JEKSNDL #im not sure how to explain it but point is i . i dont know what happened there but now my brain doesnt let me draw it any other way #top right had his line of sight changed for a very goofy detail i completely overlooked in the old one ... he is the baby of the group😭#it's very unlikely anyone's shorter than him and since everyone goes from being 1 to 4 years older than him. hes gonna end up looking up😭😭#it would be one thing if the cast was older because puberty and height and stuff but it aint the case here cuz. he's like. 7??😭#so i found it funny he was looking down in the old one then i fixed his line of sight to he looking upwards . which looks goofier on him #really adds to it. the person who killed your whoel family needs to look up to look at you in the eye😭 cuz its a little baby😭😭#the fun thing in comparing the old and new is how my approach in drawing him just. changes completely #back then i did the chibi like approach when drawing him thats it. that was the mindset #now it's “he needs to look more like a bug MAKE HIS EYES TAKE MORE SPACE IN HIS FACE he neeeddds to look like a bug ...”#worked i need to put him in a blender /JOKE JOKE JOKE LIGHTHEARTED JOKE😭😭

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batcavescolony · 9 months

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I'm back talking about Harry Potter and Snape's worst memory because while I hate the author y'all bug me.

Snape worst memory isn't James bulling him or string him up in front of the school, (that was bad I'm not saying it wasn't) it was Lily ending her friendship with him because he called her a Mudblood. With evidence.

To prove my point we have to go read the Deathly Hallows when Snape gave Harry his memories! We get to see the scene again but this time the thing that sticks out the most is Snape calling Lily a Mudblood. Now if that's not enough proof the next memory goes like this.

*Outside Gryffindor Tower*

Snape: I'm sorry

Lily: I'm not interested

S: I'm sorry!

L: save your breath... I only came out here because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.

S: I was. I would have done. I never ment to call you a Mudblood it just-

L: Slipped out? It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends- you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you? I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.

S: No-listen, I didn't mean-

L:-to call me a Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?

*Lily leaves. Memory ends*

The next memory is Snape becoming a turn coat for Dumbledore so he could keep Lily safe because Voldemort wouldn't spare her.

Snape has had worse experiences then a teenage James Potter being a bully (even if it was shitty). so we look at the rest of the memory and lo and behold what do we see? The actual worst moment of Snape life, the moment he lost Lily forever.

#I just saw someone say they hated Lily because he's was too hard on Severus all he did was call her a Mudblood.#Yeah just called her a slur...And found it funny when dark magic was used on someone. And joined a hate group that would kill her.#And would've let her child and husband die if it ment she lived. bffr 🙄 lets put this in real world terms!#you're a minority (pick one) and you go to a school but their are some people who hate you for existing. but its ok you've got your bff!#now years go by and bff is still your bff but theyve changed. they're hanging out with those aforementioned people who hate you for existin #and yeah you dont like it but they're your bff since for ever so you make excuses. but then bff starts calling people like you slurs...#now bff hasn't called you slurs so maybe its just peer pressure you let it slide its your bff. now you find out that not only are there #people who hate you for existing there is his hate group and they want you and people like you dead. obviously you dont like his. now bffs #friends they want to join this hate group... and bff doesn't deny it. ok thats not great. bffs friends who wanna join the hate group have #now moved passed just calling people like you slurs. they've went and beat the shit out of a person like you that you considered a friend.#and bff.... they say that it was just a joke. but are again not denying wanting to join the hate group that wants you dead. you love bff so #you just keep your mouth shut. now the day comes! bff has now called you a slur. and you cant make excuses anymore. they're just like their #friends and you cut your losses because again bff and their friends want to join a hate group that wants to kill you!!!#its not poor litte Severus its poor Lily. she thought she had a friend and HE betrayed HER! but but but why didnt she stop him from joining #she was a child! she was in a new world with no idea! she was in a whole nother house! and its not her fucking job to fix him! he joined th #hate group HE KNEW HATED HER! if he truly loved her he wouldn't have joined. but but but its not that- ADROMADA TONKS could be a Slytherin #and not be a Death Eater and her family was pure blood. she could do it! so could Snape.#severus snape #lily potter #snapes worst memory #the marauders #harry potter #the deathly hallows #lily evans #put some more respected on her name.#fuck jkr #james potter #slytherin #how can you be a snape stan and not like lily that 80% of his personality.#snape

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gxlden-angels · 1 year

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I hate hearing about the Quiverfull movement. I hate hearing about it politically. I hate hearing about it from people who don't know anything about it. I hate hearing about it from people who only know the Duggars. I hate hearing about it from people who grew up next to it, but not in it. I hate hearing about it from women stuck in it right now. I hate hearing about it from women who were stuck in it. I hate the Quiverfull movement and I hate hearing about it.