#OBVIOUSLY taking out the romantic intentions no bullshit allowed

[sensesdialed]

in an abrupt change of tone would’ve could’ve should’ve is such a ffh/peter & quentin song

[thefanficmonster]

Filterless

Corpse Husband x Plus-sized Reader (Female)

Warnings: Body Image Insecurities, Low self-esteem, Swearing

Genre:  Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Feeling comfortable in her skin has hardly ever been the case for Y/N who’s been struggling with body image issues all her life. However, they only get worse when she sees the ‘type’ of girls her crush is into.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your request (hits close to home 😅) I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to fulfill it and post it but here it finally is and if you’ve stuck around long enough to read it, I hope you enjoy! ALSO! - Never forget how beautiful and amazing you are. Never compare your beauty to someone else’s. We’re all beautiful people and we all shine so brightly and uniquely. No one deserves to be compared to anyone when we’re all so different yet so incredible. Love you and appreciate you with all my heart, Vy ❤

If I ever need my ego taken down a few notches - it never does, it’s barely even present, to be honest - all I have to do is go on Instagram. To be honest, regardless of how I’m feeling, opening that app is bound to make my mood plummet and come crashing into the ground so hard it drives a hole in it - probably in the form of a broken heart.

Being a content creator myself, I often get asked questions about my absence on that social platform specifically. I mean, the questions are based and rational I guess, considering I’m not a faceless YouTuber and yet my Instagram account is void of any photos. It’s not like I don’t post at all - I do! I post on my story often but it’s more often than not scenery I find pretty or a poster I’ve made for a movie/video game. Bottom line is: I barely ever allow a picture of me to make it online. The most my fans are ever gonna get of me is a selfie which is also a super rare occurrence because of how long it takes me to take and choose one I don’t hate.

Ok, but how am I supposed to find the motivation to post any sort of picture of myself when on my timeline I’m always faced with people worthy of posting pictures of themselves. People with such perfect bodies and beautiful faces. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous or envious of those people - good for them! They know what they’re working with and they’re working it well. I have nothing against them, in fact, I love seeing people proud of their bodies no matter their size, shape or weight. Those are my role-models: people who are proud of themselves, their bodies, their attributes and capabilities and don’t hesitate to show them off. Those are the people I look up to but, deep down inside I know I’ll never be like.

Insecure about my body, having been referred to as ‘chubby’ and ‘squishy’ all my life. Inappreciative of the stuff I do: starting from my job as a graphic designer leading towards my job on YouTube - nothing I do, professionally or otherwise, satisfies me. Nothing I do is enough in my eyes because I feel incapable of ever being able to do enough. I’ve been called lazy and a half-asser a few too many times to be able to brush it off as a meaningless insult. 

With these problems I’ve had with myself and my own perception of who I am and the work I do, I’ve never had the time for romance or romantic relationships. I second-guess the intentions of everyone who ever shows any interest in me because in my mind I’m nothing special and I have nothing to offer - nothing attractive or likable at least. That being said, I haven’t even been one to make heart eyes at others either. I busy myself with my job and some side-gigs, brushing off any relationship questions with the excuse that I’m ‘just too busy to be in a relationship’ which is technically true.

Having spent twenty plus years with that mindset, one can imagine how surprised I was when I found myself catching feelings for someone. And that someone just couldn’t be any other than the biggest YouTube sensation at the moment - Corpse Husband.

I’m close friends with Poki - her and I were roommates at one point too - so her inviting me to play Among Us with them wasn’t so strange. One or two games, I thought, nothing unusual there, just friendly curtesy. I wasn’t expecting to warm up to the group of famous streamers nor did I expect them to welcome me among them so easily, mostly because my channel is so small and practically invisible to the YouTube algorithm. But soon enough, I became a permanent member of the team, making friends with every single one of those YouTubers I practically thought of a celebrities.

This journey of branching out to other content creators has proven itself to be surprisingly pleasant and has packed my book of friendships to the brim. All of that came unexpectedly, along with a wave of new subs and a higher view count. However, as I mentioned, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. I came to finally understand what my high school friends were talking about when they were head over heels for a boy - the butterflies in the stomach whenever he speaks your name; the importance of the laugh you share with him, how special and different it is; how cool it is to be impostors with him - ok they never said that, obviously, but it’s what I have as a substitute to the ‘when the two of you make eye-contact’ bullshit since Corpse and I have never seen each other in person. That is, of course, because of him being a faceless YouTuber and me being a self-conscious and insecure girl.

We do talk all the time though - texting, calling, chilling on Discord, you name it. Our conversations range from deeply philosophical to ones that might mislead someone into thinking we’re high. There’s no topic we haven’t touched upon and yet we still manage to find something new to talk about. We have plenty of similarities but we also never seem to run out of differences we slowly come across as we keep getting to know each other better and better. 

And somewhere along that journey I ended up catching feelings.

Human nature of wanting to connect with other people, I curse you for what you’ve done to me.

You might think I’m being overdramatic about the whole ordeal and that this is just a normal, natural occurrence many people experience in their life - some even daily. Well, not only am I far from used to it, but it’s also taking a toll of a different kind on me.

It’s like a constant slap to the face. 

That slap turned into a punch when Corpse and I started following each other on Instagram and I started getting daily reminders of how out of my depth I am with this crush on him. In over my head, especially when you look at all those girls whose pics and videos he reposts on his story. Imagine how that makes me feel, what that does to me - puts me back into the ‘Constantly not good enough‘ basket, the one I’ve been fighting to get out of all my life. In the past and in different contexts I could easily say that it was all just my mind hating me intensely but now - now that I know for a fact I’m not good enough and don’t fit Corpse’s criteria - it hurts ten times as much. I’m not one to do shit for someone’s attention or to attract someone’s eyes, but it really hurts my feelings. Often times, it also leads me to doing dumb things and making rash decisions. 

Like the one I made two days ago.

Imagine me cringing and shaking my head at my own stupidity as I admit this: I, in a frenzy, ordered a whole e-girl getup with overnight delivery. 

Wait, hold up, it gets worse. 

I received it yesterday and spent the whole day regretting that decision, but then, in my most insecure hours - which was somewhere around midnight - I equipped the get-up, took a picture and posted it on my Instagram page. First full body pic I’ve ever posted on there. First pic I’ve posted there of any kind. There to stay, not to be gone in twenty four hours. First pic, and it’s not even of me. It’s of who I want to be in order to fit someone’s criteria. And that fucking stings.

As you might imagine, I’ve spent today’s day regretting that decision as well. Recently my mood’s been nothing but regretting rash decisions that have surfaced under the influence of my ridiculous, constantly-present insecurities. And I would’ve probably gotten over it rather quickly had I not received a message from Corpse that read:

“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic“

I didn’t open the message, I peeped at it as it was a notification on my lock screen. It’s still there, an unread notification. It’s been two hours since I received it and I cannot think of a single thing to say in response to that. 

Truth is, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of so many things right now.

I’m afraid of becoming that girl in the photo, cause I’m most definitely not her.

I’m afraid of letting Corpse down by admitting I’m not her.

I’m afraid of what my own mind has made me do because it hates me so much and I’m terrified of what it might do in the future.

I’m afraid and stranded on things to do.

You can’t be her forever, you know. Being her won’t make your insecurities go away, it’ll only make them worse. Haven’t you learned that by now?

I sigh, frustrated and irritated with myself as I grab my phone and tap on the notification, finally deciding to face the music and allow my instincts to carry me through the interaction. Improvisation, that’s one of the few things I’m good at. Let’s hope it doesn’t fail me.

I’m just about to type out my response - not sure what it’s gonna say - when I give the message Corpse has sent me a second glance.  I furrow my brows, finding there’s more to it than that peep through the notification let me see.

“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic. You’re personality is so bright and colorful, I could’ve never imagined you were into the darks and blacks“

Because I’m not

I fail to realize until the message has been sent that my thoughts are exactly what I typed out and sent.

And honestly, I’m glad. It feels like I’ve spoken my truth, like I’ve lifted a huge boulder off my chest.

With that rare confidence in mind I go on and delete the picture.

In its spot, I post a picture I just now took - a mirror selfie in my homey get-up consisting of hot pink sweatpants and an oversized blue tee, my hair in a messy bun, my face free of make-up.

I caption it: ‘Oops, had the e-girl filter on for the last one. This is filterless me tho so...Hi 🥴’

A lot better, I’m surprised to hear my inner voice say. I hope I don’t get used to all this kindness on my brain’s part, probably won’t last, but damn if I don’t milk every second of it.

Just then, I receive a new message from non other than Corpse.

“Now that’s the girl I see when I think of you. She’s super cute 😉“

My, oh my, who would’ve guessed Corpse has a game like that - and by that I mean the ability to make me blush so intensely with only a text message.

Now ain’t that better than being someone else, Y/N?

It sure is, it sure is.

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[ot3]

What's the core appeal of orv? I know the premise but why does it make you so hyped up?

OH BOY OH BOY....... i will try to be as concise as possible here but i could write without exaggeration thousands of words about why orv is good. But I guess here's the big stuff.

- Its funny, for starters. it is extremely funny, which is very high up on my media priority list. in orv, there will be incredibly grim things that make you laugh, and incredibly cringe and silly anime bullshit that will hurt you as heavily as any other media you’ve seen. 

- it executes it’s thematic arcs with pinpoint precision the likes of which i’ve hardly ever seen anything else manage to do. regardless of whether or not the themes themselves are the sort of themes you go bonkers for in media, it’s always just delightful to see something perfectly stick it’s landing in terms of the big concepts its trying to grapple with, and orv does

- it’s got fun and fascinating worldbuilding mechanics. the core concept being ‘reality now operates on the rules of a shitty novel’ means that the worldbuilding doesn’t have to function logically, it functions thematically. it’s explicitly stated in orv canon that some of the internal rules governing this new reality are objectively really stupid and illogical, but they just have to roll with it because that’s what was in the book, and i think it’s a really enjoyable way to do it. This may at first sound like a copout, where the writer is trying to excuse their own bad worldbuilding, but it isn’t. The world building is actually incredibly deeply thought out, but it doesn’t exist for the sake of rational function, it exists for the sake of, once again, furthering orv’s thematic arcs. the rules by which this universe operate do a magnificent job of strengthening the core concepts the authors are exploring. 

- it deals with morality in a really wonderful and nuanced way. there are almost no characters in orv’s extremely large cast of characters who are just explicitly morally condemnable, and almost every conflict allows you to understand exactly why the antagonists believe they’re in the right by opposing the actions of our protagonists. the central conflicts are never pure right and pure wrong; they’re always about contrasting goals, conflicting worldviews, and different priorities between ends and means. this makes the conflicts all feel so much more dynamic and engaging than those where the only stakes are physical harm. 

- the characters interpersonal relationships are some of the most interesting ive ever seen. orv is very slow burn and it takes a long time for a lot of these to come out of the woodwork, by design, but by god once they do they fucking hit. similar to the plot conflicts, the interpersonal conflicts also almost never occur where there’s one side clearly in the wrong. the characters are almost all genuinely attempting to do their best by each other, and the tension comes from the ways in which human communication is fundamentally imperfect and part of our feelings and intentions get lost in translation. it’s very heartwrenching and heartwarming to see unfold, in equal measure. 

- following from that, it’s a narrative that really meaningfully prioritizes non-romantic relationships over romantic ones as the central focus. obviously there’s shipbait and the ot3 is real and good and my friend but if you’re looking for deep complex platonic, (found or otherwise) familial, and antagonistic relationships that never get ruined with forced romantic arcs, we got em baby!

- the pacing is unlike anything i’ve ever seen before. from a purely technical standpoint, it is genuinely a fascinating case study in how to execute a narrative that is almost constantly escalating without exception. there is very little downtime or breathing room in orv, which is insane for something that clocks in at over a million words, and somehow, it still works. i’ve never felt more like a frog in a pot of slowly boiling water than i did when i was reading orv and i can’t believe they pulled it off. it’s so interesting to read something like that.

- it is a tragedy without resorting to cynicism and a very adult narrative that’s really steeped in childlike wonder. i’m a big fan of cartoons made for children cartoons made for children are my favorite things to watch because i like media that is uplifting and encouraging. but of course children’s media will always be simplified and not very relatable to an adult. orv is very much a serious and heavy adult narrative, and a deeply tragic one at that, but this is never tragedy for tragedy’s sake. it’s a very compassionate piece of media over all, that holds a lot of reverence and sympathy for the ‘naive’ optimism of children that gets stripped down over time. if you, like me, feel more like a grown up child than an adult someday, i think it’ll hit for you. 

- if you are a person who has ever gotten deeply involved in media to ignore bad things happening in the real world, which i know you are because you are reading my tumblr blog, then there is going to be a lot about orv which resonates for you. a lot of metanarrative has attempted to comment on the voyeuristic nature of media obsession and storytelling, but a lot of it does so in a bizarre way that almost seems to shame the audience for having the audacity to... enjoy the product the creators have produced for them. orv is what i can only describe as a love-letter to its own audience, and it’s really a manifesto about how engagement with media can foster genuine human intimacy, even if initially it’s something you’re using as a crutch to replace that intimacy. the closest thing to orv’s metanarrative i can think of would be undertale. if undertale made you Feel some Things, orv is gonna make you Feel some Things as well. 

- it is extremely cathartic and meaningful. i am not exaggerating at all when i say that reading it gave me the closest thing i have ever felt to any sort of spiritual breakthrough. it helped unfuck my head a ton during some very grim times and i think the perspective it offers on the value of human life is a really really good one

- its really funny i promise

- its cringe in a way that’s hype

- please read orv please not even for me do it for yourself i want you to experience what i experienced for YOUR sake not mine

[miss-nishinoya]

I have request: bakugo, tamaki, mirio reacting to reader yelling at them. Make it angsty. Pls. Hi btw. 👀

heyy muah 😽

mirio togata (x abusive reader)

"Hi, sunshine!" Mirio was late for the date. Again.

"Where were you?" You ask, with a extremely polite tone, and his eyes already loose all the light they had when he saw you.

"I'm sorry, darling, Eri wanted to play a little more and i-"

"And again you choose her over me, right? I'm starting to figure out your priorities in life." You insist on the calm, low way to say your words, and stare at him with murder eyes.

"She is a little girl... i love her as... as a daughter. H-how can you say something like that..." Mirio is starting to breakdown, starting to doubt his own feelings.

"I'm being realistic." You grab his arm and stick your nails deep on his skin. "She is not your daughter, and you'll never be able to cover the emptiness she already holds. Only a fool like you to think that she could ever see you as a father figure... All you do is be clingy and annoying around her!" Togatas eyes drops to the ground and he plays with the sleeve of his shirt to avoid the tears.

"It's ok if she does not see me like that..." He offers you a depressed smile. "All i want is to ease her pain, even if it's just a little. And i need to take care of her-"

"Of course... guess i'm just overeacting again, sorry. I don't need your attention and support as she does..." You know exactly what to say to put some guilt on his back.

"No-no, don't say that! Your feelings are important to me too, and i'm so sorry that i let you down again, i swear i won't repeat this..."

"Tsc... the same thing you said last time. And here we are, having the same discussion... you're so dumb i swear-"

"I'm sorry... let's just... enjoy our date?"

"Hah- Funny how you say that you care but try to avoid the topic at all costs."

"I'm- fuck, how could i be so unsensitive...? do it, tell me everything you are feeling. I promise i'll fix."

"Don't make promises you can't keep. The only thing that could solve this problem would be you let go of this... this... stupid child!" You stop the pressure on his arm and start gentle massaging the place. "It's between me and her. I won't take excuses this time."

"But, but..." Mirio take a moment to think of the best words choice. "Eri makes me so happy... after i lost my quirk my days has been only her... she helps me to forget too..."

"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?" The tone makes him focus on you again.

"No..."

"SHUT UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP!" You point an accusing finger to his face and straight your posture.

Before talking again, you take a good, long, amused look at how destroyed he is. A tiny smile emerges.

"I don't have time to your FUCKING VICTMISM! 'After i lost my quirk' *cry noises* THAT'S BULLSHIT. DEAL WITH IT! RECOVER ALREADY, USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!" You push him.

"You're right..." Togata feels like an idiot. Why can't he just surpass the pain? Why does he need someone to do it? He has one simple task and he keeps failing.

Useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless...

"DID I SAY THAT YOU COULD FUCKING SPEAK?" You aren't done with him yet. "WHY ARE YOU SO ANNOYING? YOU... SELFISH BITCH! Can't you think of others feelings for once? Damn..."

Mirio is taking everything you give him with a fake smile, but he can't stop the tears. You're right, you always are.

Is his fault. If only he had make to the date in time, if he was able to not always talk about himself-

"ANSWER ME NOW, UNWANTED TRASH!"

"I'm being so s-selfish..." The tears empaze his words in a way that would be painful to anyone that watched, but not for you. Tears mean that you won. "I apologize for being uncapable to solve my own problems... Please..."

"I'm done with this. Have fun babysitting Eri, because you just lost me." You proceed to walk away, but Togata runs to you.

"I can't do this alone. Don't leave me, please! I swear i'll be good, i will be always happy to you and you won't even notice my selfish problems. I promise, just please, PLEASE..." Mirio begging after all the yelling, all the bad things he heard... is the prove you needed that he is eating on the palm of your hand.

"I don't need a fucking dependent on my back!" With this, the sweet smile finally fades as he lets out a sad whimper.

"NO! I love you so much, give me just one more chance!" None of the "other times" were his fault either, but he felt as it was.

"I can't, you are destroying me, Mirio...."

"It wasn't the intention..." You turn away and he starts panicking. "I'LL DO ANYTHING, I'M BEGGING!"

"I already told you what i want you to do." You know that you're incisive and painfully killing any sign of joy he once saw.

"Sure, i-i will..." He is a crying mess, just to think that he would have to give up on his favorite person to have you.

"Amazing... Are you crying, love? Aw, don't be like that, shh... I'm sorry, i took it too far. I need to learn how to hide my feelings... shh.... It's ok." You hug him and pats his head, he doesn't stop crying. (this is not comfort and it's not a soft ending for clear reasons)

All the insults spin on his head, as he shakily curls into your chest.

Tamaki:

"Fairy... really, Tamaki?" The question floated in the air, as Amajiki only stared at his hands.

"S-she is m-my friend..."

Were she inducing him into flirt? Yes.

But did he tried to stop it? No.

You got so mad, watching your boyfriend sit there and watch as his "friend" threw herself to him.

"And because she is your friend, you think you are allowed to flirt with her?" It felt like you were dealing with a child, holding back your anger and jealousy so he don't get hurt.

"W-wasn't flirtying..."

"Oh, right. So how do you call it?"

"C-complimenting my friend..?" He makes himself as smaller as he can and waits, never staring at you.

"Are you playing dumb with me? She was obviously seducing you and you didn't move an inche!" It's so tiring how he can't stand for himself.

"I was being friendly..."

"FRIENDLY?" He flinches, starting to tremble and whisper to himself. "YOU WOULD'VE CHEATED ON ME IF I DIDN'T STOP HER!"

"N-no..." Tamaki hates screams so much.

"LIAR! STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE TOO INNOCENT, IT'S SO-"

You look at Tamaki and he is sobbing, asking for forgiviness but is barely audible. It breaks your heart when he starts punching himself.

The world is all blurry to Amajikis, he hates this part of his personality so much, and you were the only one that he thought understands him, that you understood how hard it is for him, but he is trying his best.

"Tamaki?" You were calling him since you noticed that you were screaming, but he spaced out. "I'm sorry, oh my god, answer me-"

The only one he thought fully understands...

"Sorry, baby!!! Look at me, oh fuck!"

Liar? Cheater? Is this all you have to say about him? Coudn't be more caring with the words?

Is in times like this that we really get to know someone, he ponders.

"I-i-i c-can't d-do this any-anymore..." He then runs for his life.

Amajiki told Mirio and Nejire about everything, and aa the protectors they are, both helped him to avoid you as the month passed.

Came to the point that Tamaki alone didn't look at you anymore, your face alone make him feel anxious.

and that was when you knew that the lovebirds feel apart.

Bakugo

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Katsuki was raging, for the third time this week.

"Angel, i would like it better if we sit here and talk..."

"Who cares about what you think?" He is stubborn, you can tell after 2 years of dating.

"Katsuki, stop being immature for a minute." You aren't on the mood to take his drama today, and he doesn't notice that he is crossing a line.

"What about YOU stop being A WHORE, SHITTY PERSON!"

Katsuki is mad at you for posting a pic with your guy bestfriend. His jealousy is getting out of hand, the photo has none romantic appealing.

"You better apologize now." You're firm with him, not backing up even when the little explosions start on his hands.

"I am the one to apologize? Fuck no."

"I literally did nothing wrong and you are screaming, of course you are going to apologize!"

"NOTHING WRONG?" Bakugo walks away so he won't hurt you. "YOU AND THAT LOSER POSTING PHOTOS TOGHETER WAS WHAT? A NIGHTMARE?" he replys to you and proceeds to spit.

"You're... disgusting, you know that?"

"SHUT UP! I'm very dissapointed with-"

"YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" You suddenly stand for yourself, gaining confidence out of nowhere.

Katsuki is silent. He just heavy breaths and stare at you with seems like fear.

"I DON'T GIVE A SINGLE FUCK TO WHAT YOU THINK!" You yell and he is taken aback by your response, closing his eyes and trying to take more air.

"I HATE YOU! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE, IT'S USELESS!" You start taking your things to walk away. "I won't insist into a failed relationship anymore."

He can't move.

All those years, he was the one pointing fingers at you, he was the one accusing.

And he doesn't know what to do now.

Katsuki is still upset, and his pride says to stay right where he is and pray for you to come back.

But he is not cold hearted as it seems, he wants you more than anything. Maybe he should give up only this time

Or maybe not.

Yes.

No.

Yes.

No.

YES

NO!!!

YES!!!!!!

By the time he is able to decide, you are already out of his sigh, out of the shopping you guys had agreed to met in, and you are out of your rational state.

Katsuki was not able to find you that day.

Katsuki was not able to fix it.

End </3

[jalapeno-princess]

Bad For You Chapter 3

Fuckboy Mark X Reader

Genre: Fluff and angst (the ending is hella angsty though just a warning)

Word Count: 11.1K (Damn this one is a long one LOL)

A/N: Am I the only one loving the fact that Mark is back home he’s been looking extra hot these days God bless. Things are getting more and more juicier with each and every chapter. Happy reading!

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”

“Well, I mean, you remind me at least five times a day every single day—“

“Because you are. You’re so beautiful and it’s so hard for me to concentrate on anything else other than you. I want you to know that you are such an extraordinary human being and that I think the entire universe of you. I honestly think tutoring me does more damage to my grades than it does help them.” 

Mark pulled you closer to his body if it were even physically possible before smashing his cheek against yours. The two of you were practically sloths; clinging on to one another. When he first asked you to head over to his apartment, you told him you would only go if he agreed to work on some of his assignments. 

However, he coerced you in to eating some pizza with him; promising that once you both were finished with your food that he would start on his essay for world history. Knowing Mark’s tendencies to procrastinate and from past experiences of him sweet talking you in to doing anything other than his school work you weren’t surprised to find yourself sitting on his lap with his arms wrapped protectively around your waist—leaving kisses against the crook of your neck and stealing kisses from the corner of your mouth when you’d least expect it. 

You didn’t even try to fight him when you found yourself in the comfortable position you were currently in. He was warm—his air conditioning was on full blast yet he was your own personal furnace. It didn’t help that he was shirtless; he claimed that it took a lot for the air conditioning to really do anything for him but you had a huge feeling that was just an excuse to walk around without a shirt. You also loved spending as much time with him as you possibly could. 

Although the two of you got off on a rough start, you could confidently say the older boy brought out the best in you. It didn’t take much for him to make you laugh or to give him your signature smile that he claimed to adore so much. All he had to do was use a cheesy pick up line on you or compliment you on something he was well aware that you hated about yourself. 

Another thing you enjoyed about Mark was how childlike he was. Sure, there were times where he could be a little immature; whether it was being affectionate with you at all the wrong times—while the two of you were out to dinner with his parents or as you were proctoring one of the tests in your English class and he would playfully slap your butt when nobody was looking—but he was so free-spirited and positive about almost every single thing. 

Mark didn’t let anything bother him. He felt like allowing anything or anyone negative try to get on his nerves was a huge waste of time. He also enjoyed the little things; getting three scoops of ice cream not too long after the two of you would eat dinner even if he was full, sneaking in to your elementary school after hours just to play on the jungle gym, texting you random memes he’d get from Twitter even if he was sitting right next to you and taking you on dates to the most interesting places; like the art museum or the planetarium. 

The older boy was like a breath of fresh air; a far cry from the fuckboy who couldn’t care less about anyone other than himself you assumed he was before getting to learn who he really was. Honestly, he was one of the only reasons behind your happiness at the moment. Mark made you feel safe, protected—he made you feel so many positive emotions; carefree, joyful, content, loved—he made you feel beautiful; as if you were the most breathtaking human being to exist. 

Not once did you ever have to question your self worth; he made it very clear that you were perfect just the way you are and that whoever claimed perfect people didn’t exist obviously had never met you. Your boyfriend made you feel as though you were the only girl in the entire world because in his eyes, you were the only girl—let alone person who mattered. He’s told you on multiple occasions, he’d give up every single one of his friends and even some of his family members if he had to just to spend the rest of his life with you. 

If someone were to tell you at the beginning of your arrangement with Mark that the two of you would end up here; legs tangled up and hands intertwined—stealing sweet kisses from one another in arcades downtown and staying up in the wee hours of the morning, talking about your plans for the future—you would have laughed hysterically right in their face. But here you were, wanting nothing more than to be the lucky girl who got to love Mark Tuan and receive his love for as long as time allowed you to. 

You never believed in those romantic movie tropes where the main female lead—the goody two shoes who everyone knew was a virgin would be the only person who was able to change the bad boy male lead who had tattoos all over his body, got drunk and high on a daily basis and hated school in to a better human being. 

Things like that never happened. No man could ever love someone that much to want to change their entire life completely for. It just wasn’t real. Honestly, it was extremely laughable because that was so close to your reality—but you didn’t care. You didn’t think you changed Mark at all; well, he was no longer a fuckboy, but deep down you believed he was willing to settle down in an actual relationship with the right person. 

If only you knew then what you know now—you were the dream girl that Mark’s could only desire of having in his life to call his significant other. Even back in high school, he believed he was never good enough for someone like you. Someone with such an amazing head on their shoulders. 

Someone who cared more about their future and whether or not they were to succeed later in life. Someone who took every day with a grain of salt. Mark was well aware that he didn’t deserve you, but he was going to do whatever he could in his power to make sure he gave you everything he wholeheartedly felt you deserved. 

“Well, maybe we need to spend more time actually studying then. That’s the reason why we came together in the first place—“

“First of all, I think that is a stupid idea. Studying is genuinely such bullshit. You spend hours with your face in a book and barely memorize a thing. Second of all, we came together on many different occasions for many different reasons—ow, babe—what? I’m being serious. Making love to my pretty baby is my favorite past time—you’re no fun.” 

You repositioned yourself on his lap, turning your body so you were face to face with him and playfully squeezed his cheek before placing a kiss on his nose. 

“I love you.” 

The two of you had said that word quite a few times since you began your relationship. Actually, Mark confessed his love for you only a month after the two of you started dating and he claimed that he didn’t even care if it was too soon. He’s had feelings for you for over seven years now. It didn’t take long for his infatuation to develop in to something so much more—beautiful.

Even more so because he was spending almost every single day learning more and more about you; hearing that contagious laughter of yours, getting playfully shoved by you after making a dirty comment, watching your eyes light up as you talked about wanting to go in to criminology. 

It was only a matter of time that he’d find himself hopelessly in love with you and he had no intention on ever getting back up again. However, Mark was nervous to say the least which came as a complete shock; everyone knew how confident the older boy was. 

He was the definition of a confident man. It was one of his characteristics that you admired the most about him. But when it came to you—he was a complete and utter mess. If it were anyone else, he’d have no problem hinting towards what he wanted—but with you, he was afraid you had yet to reciprocate his feelings. You might have liked Mark, yet that didn’t mean you were ready to take a step further and claim you were in love with him. 

To say he was surprised to hear you say those three magical words only a second after he admitted it out loud to you was an understatement. It took him a while to process the thought of you reciprocating his same exact feelings. 

Especially because he didn’t think he was capable of loving another person. He understood that he should have been scared; the idea of love was terrifying. Being in love was genuinely one of the best feelings in the entire world. However, it also frightened him because he was so vulnerable and he was afraid of getting hurt. 

Mark was well aware that you would never do anything to purposely upset him or to make a fool out of him in any way. Sure, you said you loved him multiple times on a daily basis—but you were just as good with showing it through your actions as you were explaining your romantic feelings for him verbally. 

You’ve done so many things for him to prove your loyalty for him and that you were in this relationship for the long run—but that didn’t stop his many insecurities about never being good enough for you. Mark was selfish; he was well aware that you deserved better. So much better. 

He knew that there were so many more amazing men out there who could take care of you in ways that Mark couldn’t and who could give you everything that your boyfriend felt he lacked. However, he wanted you and only you—and he wanted to be the only one who received your passion, yearning, adoration and most of all, your love. 

The two of you haven’t been in a relationship for all that long, but Mark was very confident that you were the woman he wholeheartedly wanted to spend the rest of his life with. This was the first time he actually saw a future with someone; he knew this whole rolling stone life he was living was going to be temporary. He was young and in college. His entire group of friends lived the same hookup life and none of them—well, other than Jinyoung—but none of them ever gave off the vibe that they wanted something more than just a night of sex with someone they had no intention on getting to know on a personal level. 

However, he didn’t realize that it was going to end all that soon—he’d be lying if he said being in love wasn’t something he wanted to happen to him. For years, he would tell himself that he wasn’t capable of love or having someone love him. It came to a surprise to the older boy when you began to show him so much comfort, tenderness and affection that he realized every single person in the world—even people like Mark were able to experience the beauty of love and he was never going to take you or your feelings for him for granted. You were his person, and he was going to make sure you were aware of how blessed he was to be yours. 

“Babe, you can’t just out right say that you love me. We went over this. You need to give me time to prepare. You know exactly how much that four letter word means to me. My heart feels as if it’s about to leap out of my chest. Especially when you say it so confidently. God, you—you’re simply perfect. You make me the happiest man alive. I love you so much—ah shit. I’m hard again. Only you can be so adorable while confessing your love for me yet give me a painfully hardened erection. Ugh, I can’t wait till we start settling down one day. I hope you know that you’re stuck with me. For the rest of our lives. I never used to believe in soulmates. It’s such a cheesy and overrated concept but I know—you were made for me as I was made for you. I know I’m not what you deserve—you deserve so much more than what I can do and be for you. But I promise, I will do better baby. I will be better. I’ll work on being the man that you should be with. I just really want you to be happy.” 

He giggled softly when a stray tear fell down your cheek; it was hard to believe Mark used to be the campus’s number one player. Someone who never cared about what anyone used to think about him—nor did he care about anyone else but himself and his inner circle. He’s hurt so many people, both girls and boys in the last few years. 

Whether it was leading them on or making them look bad in front of other people—he was an inconsiderate asshole. So for him to say such kind-hearted and wholesome words, it was genuinely a lot to take in. Especially because it was meant for you. He loved you. He wanted to change for you. He wanted to take care of you and be the reason behind your happiness. 

He was aware that he wasn’t someone you probably would have seen yourself with, but yet he was willing to work on himself just to continue to be in your life. You stole a few sloppy kisses from his mouth—allowing your tongue to swirl around his and taking it in between your teeth before pulling away abruptly, earning yourself a raspy grown. 

Right as he was going to scold you for taking your lips away from his, you began to lower yourself down to his pelvis and brought your hand to his clothed cock—palming him through his sweats. His dick was throbbing through the cotton; the tip was protruding and standing right at attention causing your mouth to water. 

Both you and Mark have agreed that oral was one of your favorite parts of your love making sessions. He was very skilled with his mouth; he used every part—his lips, his teeth and his tongue in the hopes of bringing you to heaven at least once during sex. Your boyfriend knew you like the back of his hand—it didn’t take him long to find your g-spot and the parts of your body that would elicit any moan or cry of pleasure. 

From what he’s told you, you were just as talented. The first time you sucked him dry was the first time you’ve ever blown someone off before. Hell, the first time you found yourself writhing underneath him—begging him to something, anything to help loosen the tight coil in your stomach was the same night you lost your virginity. Mark was genuinely shocked to hear that you were a virgin. 

Although he had a hunch you had yet to go that extra mile with someone before, he found it hard to believe that you had never been in a relationship. Mark swore that you were the complete package; you were extremely beautiful, adorably cute yet painstakingly sexy. You were hardworking, super intelligent, dedicated passionate, fun-loving—men were stupid not to try and ask you out on a date. 

But then again, you didn’t seem as if you cared about getting in to a relationship nor did you show any interest towards the male gender in the first place. Something about knowing that he was the first man who got to have you like this—bare, innocent and raw—learning each and every single curve, birth mark, beauty mark and scar—learning your likes, dislikes, what made you squirm and scream—it made his heart soar. He was soon regretting not waiting till he met the one—you—to give himself to. 

Yet, he was glad he had some experience so he’d be able to show you a good time. It was understandable that you were just a little bit nervous. You felt as though you wouldn’t be able to please him in the way he never fails to do with you, but the way his moans practically bounced off the walls as you took him down your throat made it all the more evident that you knew exactly what you were doing. 

His expression once you swallowed him whole made you giggle like a little school girl. He looked as if you sucked the life out of his dick—he panted heavily as though he ran multiple miles in a short amount of time. The beads of sweat building up at his forehead should have been gross, but it only turned you on so much more than you already were. 

From that day on, he made sure you blew him off at least once a day—with your consent that is. He began to run his fingers through your hair and bit down on his bottom lip when you pulled down his sweats hastily, giving yourself better access to his length. When you finally freed him from the constraints of his boxers, he let out a breathy moan and the sound went straight to your pulsating core. 

“Such a pretty, pretty baby. Going to suck my cock like the dirty little cock slut you are? Want to show me how much you love me y/n? Put this dick down your throat and take it all as I fuck your face—if—if you’re okay with that my love—“ 

No matter how rough and dominant Mark could get behind close doors, his soft side for you never failed to come out every now and then. He was the definition of a switch for you; leaning more towards a sub both in the streets and in between the sheets. Sometimes, you’d forget that he was the man in the relationship because of how much he would follow you around as if he was a lost puppy. It didn’t bother you though, you enjoyed how gentle your boyfriend could be because you were the only person who got to see this timid, tender side of him. 

“You’re hard as a rock yet such a fucking softy for me babe. Who knew that the big and bad Mark Tuan would be so compassionate and sweet towards little old me.” A snarky remark was at the back of his throat, but instead, a groan of lust came out as soon as you circled your tongue around the tip of his cock. His grip on your hair tightened as you encompassed the beginning of his penis with your mouth. 

“Shit—shit, shit. Ah, so fucking good every single time. Y/n, ah just like that baby—y/n, y/n—“

“Y/n. Earth to y/n. Wake up—“ 

The not so gentle shaking of your shoulder broke you out of your deep sleep. Wait—that was a dream? It felt so real—you were seconds away from deepthroating him and you could actually feel him on your tongue. This wasn’t the first time you found yourself absentmindedly thinking about Mark in either a romantic or sexual light. This was probably the third time you’ve dreamt of him in the last week. 

Each dream became more and more sexual to the point where you’d wake up with a tight and uncomfortable sensation in between your legs. You’d try to take a few minutes and wonder why you were dreaming about him—especially all of a sudden. You’ve known Mark for more years than you could count on both of your hands yet this was the first time he’s been clouding your thoughts and this worried you. 

This was what you were afraid of when you agreed to tutoring him in the first place. Sure, it was only natural for him to appear in your mind since you’ve been spending so much time together. However, you were adamant on being nothing but platonic with him. 

No matter how nice he’s been to you these last few weeks and how much effort he’s been putting in to his studies, he was still a fuckboy in your eyes. You might have agreed to being friends with him, but you still didn’t trust him completely. It was going to take more than just a few study sessions to really get to know Mark as more than just someone you were trying to help with passing college. 

“Shit sorry. How long was I asleep for?” 

He giggled at your now pink cheeks; it’s obvious you were flustered and not all quite there yet. Your eyes were still droopy and there was hair stuck all over your face. The older boy leaned over and brought some of your hair back behind your ear. He might have thought he was doing you a favor—but he was only making things worse. His fingers grazed ever so gently against your neck; causing chills to run down your spine. If you were to look in the mirror, you’d probably give tomatoes a run for their money. 

“About ten minutes. But this is your second nap in the last hour so—“

“I fell asleep twice?! Why didn’t you tell me? Oh God, I’m so sorry. You should have woken me up! We’ve only been studying for a little over an hour—“

“You looked exhausted, and plus—you’re so adorable when you sleep.” 

You rolled your eyes at his comment as your way of trying to prevent your cheeks from warming up even more than they already were. Mark has been throwing in compliments and cheeky pick up lines at least once throughout your sessions and it was as if he knew they were slowly breaking your cold facade and your attempts not to smile at his words. You tried your best not to show just how much his flirtatious remarks were making their way in to your heart and repeatedly played on and on in your mind. 

When you weren’t with him—and even when you were together, Mark took up the entirety of your thought process and to your surprise, the feeling excited you more than it worried you like it would have weeks ago. It was only a matter of time that you’d end up falling for his charm; and you found yourself trying your best not to feel anything whenever you’d catch him stealing glances at you or whenever he would do something polite like pulling out your chair, carrying your things for you and opening the door for you. But it was impossible. 

You’ve spent enough time with him both in class and outside of school to see the way he interacted with a lot of your classmates. Not once have you seen him talk to anyone other than you and his friends and you never really questioned it. You just assumed that he had a tight circle and didn’t believe in breaking outside of the six guys he was so familiar with. 

Therefore, you wouldn’t really know how he was like towards other girls—then again, you weren’t sure you ever wanted to know. What did it matter to you? The two of you just became friends not too long ago. Before then, you saw Mark as someone you wanted no affiliation with at all. He was nothing but trouble, and you refused to be the next person on his list who he planned on ruining. 

For all you knew, the way he was actions towards you in the last few days could have all been an act to get you to trust him—to lure you in to his trap and get you to fall for his endearing ways only to break your heart and humiliate you for the entire university to witness. However, you were confident that the kindness and friendliness Mark has been showing you was not fake nor did he have any ill intent. 

He seemed to genuinely care about you even if you were just friends. It was in the little things; texting you encouraging words to get you through the day, purchasing you coffee and sometimes even meals as his way to show his gratitude, giving you his jacket to wear if he thought you were cold, asking you if you wanted to take a break—he would even pick you up from work if he was free against your many claims that you were fine with taking yourself to work. 

Again, like the many gifts and purchases of food, he stated that this was his way of thanking you for your help and you finally came to terms with the fact that the only reason why you agreed was because you really liked spending time with him. Mark made you very happy—in fact, this was the most happy you’ve been in a while. 

Nobody has ever made you feel so important; so protected and safe before and you could only hope that putting your trust in him and allowing the walls you’ve built so high to protect you from people like him wouldn’t come back to bite you in the ass if he turned out to be exactly what you were afraid he was. You were broken out of your whirlwind of thoughts when you felt something cold and wet yet refreshing being rubbed under your eyelids and just above your nose. Mark began to roll something all along your face and out of instinct reaction, you whacked whatever it was from his hands. 

“What the hell is that?” He shrugged indifferently and got up from his seat; picking the small tube off of the ground. 

“It’s a peppermint roller. Whenever I feel tired or my nose is congested, I either rub it under my eyes to prevent me from falling asleep or I’ll smell it to open my nasal airways—“ 

You couldn’t stop the giggle that fell from your lips as he described exactly what that little stick was; but your heart began to flutter at the proximity now that he was leaning towards you, and because something about his sudden movement was so domestic and considerate in a way. It was cute and so was he. God, what did you get yourself in to? 

“Oh. Well, thank you? Actually, it’s pretty—soothing? Where’d you get it from?”

“China. My family and I went to visit my grandparents a couple of months ago and since I’ve been using it from the time I was like eight I think, I stocked up on a lot of it. I can give you a few if you’d like. Can’t have you sleeping on me.” 

You gave him a soft smile and nodded in agreement. It took every bone in your body not to make it obvious that you enjoyed how much he seemed to care about you. Only Mark Tuan could make your head spin by just offering to give you something of his. 

“Hey, why don’t we call it a day on studying and go do something fun? There’s actually somewhere I want to take you.”

This peaked your interest, yet you found yourself giving him a knowing look. The older boy was notorious for trying to get out of studying. On multiple occasions, Mark would try and bribe you with food just so he could stop working on his assignments. Most of the time, you’d go along with whatever he’d ask of you only if he completed more than half of his work load. 

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t like taking these breaks—and getting to spend any time with him outside of your tutoring sessions. You needed a break from school every now and then, even if it wasn’t you who was doing all the studying and catching up on assignments. He picked up your things and led the way to his car. 

“Where are we going?” 

To your dismay, you were left with silence as he opened your door and allowed you to get in. You had a feeling he wasn’t going to admit where he was taking you, so you just accepted it for what it was and just sat back while he drove. Like most of your drives together, he would put on a playlist while no words were shared. 

Sometimes, you wondered why neither of you would start a conversation—when you were in the library or at a cafe while going over his notes or checking his work, the older boy would talk up a storm. You’d have to tell him to focus because he could talk to you for hours without getting any of his work done. But you liked it like this. You didn’t want to run out of topics to talk about with him in fear of losing him as a friend if he realized you were the definition of a boring person. 

Plus, there were a lot of songs on his playlist that you particularly enjoyed. On your down time, you’d listen to some songs even when you weren’t around him and that’s the moment you accepted that your feelings for Mark were no longer just platonic. You began to mirror a lot of his movements; scratching the back of your neck in embarrassment, biting your lip when you were deep in thought, tapping your pencil on the table if you were bored—and you also took a liking to his preferences. 

Mark had a positive influence on you which came as genuine shock seeing as you quickly assumed he was quite the party boy who wasted his money on drugs and alcohol. That might have been true before, but since you were spending almost every single hour of the day with him, you haven’t seen him drink or smoke even once. He was trying to change—to be a better person and it showed. 

“Hey, we’re here.” 

His gentle squeeze on your wrist as an attempt to break you out of your thoughts should have startled you, but the touch made you grin to yourself. Ever since the night you agreed to be friends, he started to be more physically interactive; he would poke your cheek, squeeze your nose, flick your forehead and even twist strands of your hair. Not once did you try to stop him—you genuinely enjoyed the skin ship.

You couldn’t quite put your finger on it as to why you were such a big fan of feeling him graze his fingers along your arm or when he would brush some of your hair behind your ear. Maybe it’s because this was the first time in your entire life that you were interacting with a guy other than in class or when you were at work. Especially in such a personal and intimate way. Was it intimate though? The two of you were just friends. You had to stop thinking that he there was something more behind his ministrations because you were only setting yourself up for heartbreak. 

But maybe you felt like this because it was Mark. One of the number one sought out boys on the entire campus and he decided to give up all his time to be with you. He didn’t really have much of a choice; his education completely depended on you and it was only a matter of time where he would realize he no longer needed to waste all of his time with you. 

“The beach?” He nodded in excitement while he walked over to his trunk and pulled out a few things. 

“Not just any beach though, this is my beach.”

“Your beach?”

“Mhm. No one ever comes here except me, so I’m assuming nobody knows about it.” 

He laid out a blanket and motioned for you to sit down, taking his place right next to you as you got comfortable on the sand. You’ve been to the beach many times before; you loved the beach, but you’ve never been to one that nearly took your breath away. It was beautiful. The sky was a bright blue and so was the ocean. 

The water was so clear, you could see the sand and there were a few palm trees. You closed your eyes and leaned backed; taking in the peaceful sound of the waves crashing against the shore. Mark chuckled at your extremely relaxed state—most of the time, you could be very stressed and tense whenever it came to school. He was happy to see you so calm and at ease. 

He mentally have himself a high five for taking you here. The two of you sat in silence, just like you did back in the car but again, it was a peaceful and comforting silence. Just having him there—even if no words were being exchanged made your heart extremely happy. 

Mark made your heart extremely happy. 

“So, I’m taking it that you’re enjoying yourself?” 

You turned over to face him and saw his cheesy grin, immediately tugging on your heartstrings. To be in such a beautiful place with an even more beautiful boy; it felt too good to be true. You wanted to spend however long you possibly could in that moment. Just you and Mark, away from everything. Away from the stress that came with education and work. Away from his air headed friends and the college life. Sure, he was just your friend and that was probably all he was ever going to be to you, but in the moment—he was all yours and you weren’t going to take it for granted.

“I do. The view is breathtaking.” 

You were so focused on taking in your surroundings that you failed to notice that Mark’s attention was solely on you. He was currently looking at you as if you were the most beautiful and ethereal goddess to walk the earth and in his eyes, that’s exactly what you were. 

“Sure is. Extremely breathtaking.”

“How long have you known about this place? How did you find it?”

“Well, one day, I got in to a fight with my parents and I just ran out of the house. I drove around for a couple of hours and I actually got lost, so I pulled in here to open up maps on my phone, but then I realized it was a beach and I went to go explore. It’s been about two years. I come here every time I need a break from life. It may not seem like it, but I do get overwhelmed and I just need some time by myself—away from all the negativity.”

“Oh, I see.” 

He was now slouched, as if he was upset with the fact that he was revealing so much to you. Yet, his words were so sincere. It was hard to believe someone like Mark—someone you assumed had every single thing in his life that he could ever want went through hardships. He was good at hiding it, but then again; it’s the people you would least expect to go through suffering that suffer the most. This was the first time you’ve ever seen him so out of it—anything other than happy and it made your stomach sore. Mark always tried to cheer you up and bring joy in to your day, so seeing him so distraught wasn’t something you ever wanted to see. 

“Are you—is life overwhelming you right now? I’m sorry if I’m a reason—I’ve been over working you and forcing you to study—“

“Don’t you dare even for one second think you are the reason for my distress. If I’m being honest—this is the first time I’ve been back to this beach in a while. A little over a month and a half to be exact. Ever since you came in to my life y/n, I’m so much more happy. I feel a lot more lighter in a sense. I love being around you and I love the effect you have on me. I’ve never brought anyone here before—not my friends, nor anyone in my family. You’re the first person and the only person I ever plan on taking here. You seemed out of it these last few days and I can tell you needed a well deserved break. You’re a full time student with a full time job and in your free time, you assist me with my education. I can’t thank you enough for all that you’ve done and continue to do for me. You’re such an indescribably wonderful and otherworldly human being. You deserve so much more than what this world can give to you. You mean hell of a lot to me y/n and I—“

“Mark.”

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?” 

His eyes widened in shock; as if they were about to pop out of his head yet he practically lunged forward and wasted no time connecting your lips together. As much as you wanted to lie yourself and say that you had no idea what had gotten in to you in that moment—asking if you could kiss him—it had been a long time coming. Hearing him say all those positive things about you, practically absentmindedly confirming that he did in fact see you as more than just a friend, hearing him tell you what you meant to him and that you deserved the entire world—you soon desired to be closer to him. 

As close as possible. Hugging, cuddling, holding hands—nothing would be enough. You needed to feel his lips against yours. It was irrational on your part, but you no longer cared at this point. He didn’t have to confirm whether or not he had a crush on you, his actions spoke the words he failed to and you preferred it that way.

Although he was hesitant at first, he soon took over and brought one hand in to your hair as the other cupped your neck all but gently. He pressed his lips against yours rougher—licking and sucking on both your bottom and top lip and playfully swirling his tongue around yours. He consistently hummed against your mouth and made his way on top of your lap, his legs were on either side of yours. 

The kiss got more passionate the longer the two of you continued and it came to a point where you didn’t even know how long you were kissing for. The desire—the thirst and even hunger to kiss Mark was too strong and you didn’t even care that you were practically breathless. He knew exactly what he was doing as his mouth melded so sweetly with yours. 

However, to his dismay, you finally detached yourself from him in order to catch your breath and retrieve back some of your sanity. Your chest began to heaven as if you ran a marathon and instead of feeling any ounce of exhaustion, you were filled with so much energy. He placed his forehead against yours but not before placing a kiss on your cheek. 

Never in a million years would you have ever thought you’d find yourself in this position; Mark hovering on top of your lap, his hair a mess because of how you were running your fingers through it, his lips raw and a shade of dark pink because of how much you nibbled on them. It was almost like your dream just a few hours ago—no wonder why it all felt so real. 

Your conscience was foreshadowing what was to come and it was a bittersweet feeling. You wanted to continue kissing him; he had the prettiest lips you have ever seen on a guy. But you needed to talk with Mark before continuing any further. He might have responded in to the kiss and allowed it to turn in to a full blown make out session, but you weren’t completely sure what was going on in his head. 

“Wow, y/n—I—wow. I can’t even speak. That was—fuck. You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to do that for. I catch myself staring at your lips more than I’d like to admit, and I’ve even dreamt about finally feeling them against my own but nothing could compare to how perfect that was. Shit. Does this mean—“ 

You gave him a shy smile and hid your face in the crook of his neck; not wanting to heighten his ego any more than it already was. He laughed at how flustered you were and placed a kiss on your hair. 

“I like you Mark.” 

He began to tense up right as your confession fell from your lips. If someone were to tell you that Mark Tuan was going to get all shy once you told him that you harbored feelings for them, you’d laugh right in there face. He was the last person you would ever expect to see so speechless—especially because of you. 

“You—you like me? Wait, seriously? You’re not kidding right?”

“Why would I lie about something like that? I wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t see you in a romantic light. I’ve liked you for a while now Mark. I only accepted my feelings for you a solid three days ago—“

“Three days?! You mean I could have been kissing these sweet lips sooner?” 

You couldn’t help but playfully roll your eyes now that he was sporting the most adorable pout and stole a kiss from the corner of his mouth. “I didn’t know what you thought about me. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page before doing something I’d regret later—“

“I swear to God y/n I literally look at you like the sun shines out of your ass it doesn’t get much more real than that—“

“Keep interrupting me Tuan and that kiss was the last kiss you’ll ever get from me.” His sarcastic groan sounded off throughout the quiet beach—he tightened his grip on your waist and flipped the two of you over so that you were now the one sitting on him. 

“Fine, fine, but hurry up and say what you want to. I really need to kiss you.” 

You placed your chin on his shoulder and wrapped your arms around his neck; now that you finally got to experience what it felt like being intimate with him, holding him and being held by him—feeling his lips meld perfectly against yours, you knew there was no turning back now. You were hooked on him like a drug and it was at the point that you would even consider yourself addicted.

“I mean, I had the tiniest hunch that you might’ve developed a little crush on me, but then again—I just assumed you were being nice. I didn’t think I was someone you would see yourself with. You and I come from two different social classes Mark. I’ve seen the girls who attend your parties and—well, there are quite a few girls that talked about their experiences with you and I’m nothing like them. So I just assumed all you would ever be to me was a friend and I was okay with that. I tried—I tried so hard to make myself immune to you. I was afraid of getting hurt. I tried to push you away and I apologize for being so hostile in the beginning, but you need to understand where I’m coming from. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I liked you. I’m happiest when I’m with you Mark. I always get so excited whenever we spend time together. Every single thing you do fills up my heart with so much joy. I’m putting my trust in you Mark. I want to believe that you’ll take good care of me. Please don’t make me regret my decision.” He placed a soft kiss on your forehead and pulled you closer to his body if it were even possible. 

“You trust me? Wow. That’s just—I can’t even explain how elated I am to hear you say that. I will never take your trust for granted baby. I promise, I will do whatever I can to make sure you are always smiling. Fuck, you don’t understand what this means to me. I’m yours y/n, all yours. Those girls—they could never hold a candle to you. No girl could ever fill my tummy with butterflies the way that you do. All you do is say my name and it fills up my chest with so much warmth. You need to understand, I have never felt this way for anyone before. Not once in my entire life. I’ve um—I’ve actually had feelings for you since middle school, but we were never all that close so I didn’t say anything because I was afraid you would think I was weird. It was worth the wait though, it really was.” 

He placed a wet kiss on your nose and smiled against your neck; probably trying his best to conceal just how happy he was to finally put his feelings for you out there. “You’re the most beautiful person I have the pleasure of knowing. Both on the inside and out. I’ll do whatever it is that you want me to okay? Wait, so um—does this mean—would you, will you be my girlfriend then?” 

It was tempting; the word yes was on the tip of your tongue. There was nothing more you wanted than to agree to start a relationship with him. You were well aware that if any other girl were in your position, they would have thrown themselves at the opportunity without hesitation. But then again, you weren’t like most girls. 

You weren’t judgmental; you were a firm believer in not judging anyone. However, a lot of the girls on your campus were the definition of easy. They would give themselves to all of the guys at your university that were pretty much eye candy. In more or less words, Mark and the rest of his friends. You wouldn’t be surprised if their body count together consisted 85% of the girls at your school. You on the other hand refused to give yourself to just anybody. 

It was as if the only thing on the mind of most boys your age was sex. From the time you were old enough to understand the meaning of love and what it would be like to be in love, that’s all you wanted to experience. You wanted someone to be in love with you entirely; your mind, body, soul, personality, likes and dislikes, good days and bad days. 

If you were to allow a man to ravish in just your body, you’d feel so insecure and empty knowing that he only wanted you in the time being to help him soothe his carnal urges. Although you didn’t think too highly of yourself when it came to your physical appearance, you were very secure with your mindset, work ethic and your personality. 

You believed that you deserved someone who would love you the way you so generously love others. Not someone who would only call you when his dick was hard. That’s why you found yourself giving him a sad smile and his now disheartened facial expression sent a sore sensation to your stomach. 

“I don’t know if you are aware of this, I’m sure you have your assumptions, but I’ve never been in a relationship before. So, I really don’t know how these things work. I think it would be best for us to take things slowly and let whatever happens, happen. If that’s okay with you.” 

Once you confessed what was weighing so heavy on your mind, his posture immediately switched back to what it was right after you told him you liked him. 

“Shit y/n, don’t scare me like that. I was thinking the worst, like, you were going to say that you don’t want to be in a relationship with me or something. There’s nothing wrong with that. I find it hard to believe though, I mean look at you. You’re literally everything that’s wonderful and extraordinary in a woman. Boys are stupid for not even trying to ask you out but I’m sure you have your reasons for being single. If I’m being honest, I’ve never been in a relationship either. Don’t give me that look baby, I’m being serious—“

“What about Leah in junior year?”

“That was just a fling. It only lasted about two months and even then, we only ever had—um—wait, how did you know about that? Somebody was paying some attention to me back in high school huh?” 

He sent you a wink and nudged your shoulder playfully and you were quick to shove him back. Why did you have to open your mouth sometimes? This was only going to add fuel to his already large ego. 

“Word spreads around school like wildfire Mark. It wasn’t as if I was purposely trying to see what was going on in your life. People talk—everywhere. I had Leah in pre-calculus. All she ever did was talk about how the two of you were together so don’t think you’re hot shit.”

He placed his face in the crook of your neck and left a few sloppy kisses there—the sensation went straight to your tummy, causing you to bite your lip as an attempt to conceal the large amount of glee you were currently experiencing. 

“Well none of that matters okay? I’m serious, I don’t date. I’ve never dated anyone. I never used to believe in feelings, emotions and all that lovey dovey bullshit, but now I do and I want to experience it all with you. We will take it at your pace okay? Whatever you want. You need to be vocal about what’s working and what’s not okay? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I just want you to enjoy what’s blossoming between us. I’ll follow your lead okay? Are you hungry? What do you say we get out of here and go get something to eat? Maybe we can go to an arcade and play a couple of games. I don’t want to let you go just yet.” 

You nodded vehemently, no longer caring if you seemed overly excited because you were. Your excitement and contentment was through the roof. He giggled at your enthusiasm and abruptly got up, not being able to wait a second longer to go to your next location. 

Mark was sure that if anyone were to tell him that he’d be here with you, sharing passionate and fleeting kissing, holding you protectively on his lap, watching the waves crash on to the shore, stealing glances and hearing you laugh at his nonsense jokes, he probably would have punched them in the face in disbelief. The probability of you reciprocating the same feelings that he held for you was almost laughable. 

There was no way you, the girl he’s been crushing on for more than half his life—the girl who had every trait and quality he was looking for in a significant other, the girl he was willing to drop all of his friends and stop his toxic ways; the drinking, the smoking and ditching school, none of that mattered to him anymore now that he had you. 

Hell, it never really did matter to him and it took you to come in to his life in order for him to realize that all the negative things in his life was his coping mechanism for how shitty the world really was. Since he was always considered “popular” since high school, he never knew anything other than the attention he received on a daily basis and he was afraid of what his world would be like if he were to give that all up. Every moment spent with you—in this last month an a half was the best time he’s had in his twenty-three years on earth. 

There was nothing more amazing to him than you, and he was going to make sure nothing was going to get in the way of that. You and Mark made your way to his favorite diner which was also an arcade just ten minutes away from the beach. He raved about their food and claimed that their games were so much better than most of the arcades in the area. 

In fact, once you both arrived, there were quite a few people waiting to be seated so he put his name down and brought you upstairs to where all the games were located. His hand sneakily intertwined with yours and you surprised him by squeezing his hand and bringing it up to your lips, placing a kiss behind it. It might have been dim in the arcade, but you could still see the pink on his cheeks from your ministration and it brought warmth to your own cheeks. 

“Okay, how about this, if you can win me a toy from the crane machine, I’ll be your girlfriend—“ 

Before you could even finish your sentence, Mark made a beeline to the two crane machines and took out his game card; swiping it roughly to the point where he had to swipe it a few times since it wasn’t going through. 

“Get ready to call me your boyfriend y/n, I’m a professional at this. One time, I brought my nieces here and I won all three of them prizes. You’re mine baby.” 

You don’t know what it was; hearing about him talking about his nieces made you smirk—you wondered what kind of uncle he was. Learning more and more about him only sparked your interest in the kind of person he was in front of his family. To his friends, he was this cool play boy that could get anyone he wanted. To the many girls at your school, he was sex on legs and to you, he was this dorky, procrastinating, silly yet patient, courageous, gentle and extremely generous being. It made you wonder what he was like around the people that he loved. 

“Is there one you want in particular?” 

You began to scan throughout all of the plush dolls. They were all so cute and you didn’t know which one to pick. That was until you saw the mini dumbo figure all the way in the far left corner. 

“Dumbo, I want dumbo.”

“Sounds good. I just need a kiss on the lips for good luck.” 

You did as you were told, tip-toeing in order to steal a kiss from the corner of his mouth and moved slightly to give him more room. He began to move the control all the way toward the doll and pressed it so that the claw sank down in the bunch of toys. He cockily turned to face you and winked—assuming he picked up the doll. However, his mood was quick to change once you let out a small little giggle. 

“Okay, so I didn’t get it. It was only the first try. It takes time y/n but I’m going to get you that damn doll even if it takes me all night to do so.” 

Try after try, round after round, Mark failed to pick up dumbo let alone any doll for that matter. You had to cover your mouth to prevent yourself from laughing at his many failed attempts, but you began to look at him in adoration. It was obvious that he really wanted to call you his. Most guys would have given up after the first few tries but here he was on this twenty-fifth time and over thirty dollars later, still trying to capture the doll. 

“Mark, hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to get it. I can always buy one at the store, don’t waste your money—“

“It’s not that y/n. I couldn’t care less about how much I spend. I just really want to win. I want to be with you—“ 

You wrapped your arms around his neck and placed a sloppy kiss on his lips. He didn’t put much effort in to the kiss and you felt it was because he was disappointed in himself for being so confident only to fail miserably. You could only hope that your next words could break him out of his moody funk. 

“I’m all yours baby.” 

Seeing his award winning smile before he roughly picked you up and swung you around made you return the same expression. You were no longer scared anymore. It might have only been a little over a month since you and Mark began to spend time together, but deep down you knew your heart belonged to the beautiful boy in front of you. He was the one you were willing to give yourself to. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m so happy, I can’t wait to start taking you out on more dates and getting to kiss you all the time. I’m so fucking excited I don’t think you understand just how over the moon I am right now. God, I know I said I would stay here all night but I didn’t think I’d mean it. That game is fucking rigged I call bullshit—“

“Let me try.” 

He gave you a look of curiosity but didn’t say anything as he swiped his card and made room for you. You looked on either side of the machine to make sure the claw lined up with dumbo before releasing it. The look of pure shock and jealousy as the claw picked up your plush without effort caused you to let out a loud snicker. 

“What the fuck? Okay, yeah this game is definitely rigged how the hell did you do that?”

“What can I say? I’m a professional.” 

He caught on to your mocking and pulled you close to him—tickling your sides to get a reaction out of you and to get you to stop gloating. He already felt like a bad boyfriend for not being able to do something so simple. So he felt even worse seeing you get it on your first try. He was really going to need to put more effort in to impressing you. 

“Yeah, yeah whatever. I helped you get it there—“

“If that’s what helps you sleep at night—“

“Mark? Hey man, what are you doing here? Oh, y/n, hey! Fancy seeing you guys tonight.” 

If only he was facing you, you would have been able to witness how Mark’s face dropped at the sight of his younger friend. It’s as if his blood went cold and his stomach dropped watching Yugyeom walk over to the two of you. In his many years of knowing him, Yugyeom was such a loyal and timid human being. 

In fact, he was one of Mark’s favorites within their group. He never caused the older boy trouble in any way and did whatever was asked of him. This entire bet however made him realize that Yugyeom wasn’t exactly who he thought he was. Or he changed in to the person he would have never thought Yugyeom was capable of being. 

He’s been trying his best to avoid the younger boy; he no longer attended any of their parties and he snuck away to meet up with you before anyone could find out where he was going. He also hasn’t been responding to his invites or text messages mainly because he was extremely pissed off with himself for agreeing to the bet in the first place. If he had the choice, he wouldn’t have agreed. 

That was the old Mark who said yes. The old Mark was the one who wanted to win the bet. The new Mark, your Mark, the Mark that was head over heels in love with you—he no longer wanted any part of that anymore but he was afraid of what Yugyeom was capable of if he did so happen call them entire thing off. 

“Hey. Is it just the two of you?” Jackson nodded his head towards Mark and then to you in acknowledgment before Yugyeom shook his head in disagreement. 

“Nah, we’re all here. Everyone else is downstairs waiting. Jackson wanted to come see the prizes. We actually invited you, but you didn’t respond so we just assumed you were busy. Are you guys on a date right now?” 

For some reason, something didn’t feel right. You never really saw Mark this agitated or tense around his friends. Normally he was always a free spirit around them. He was a happy-go-lucky type of person, so it made you wonder if something happened but you weren’t going to force him to tell you if something in fact did happen between them. He might have been your boyfriend now, but you respected his boundaries. 

“We—we um—we just needed a break from studying.”

“Cool! Say, y/n, would it be okay if I stole Mark away for a few minutes. I just have to ask him something. You don’t mind, do you?” 

Mark turned to gaze at you and gave you a look that said something on the lines of don’t do it. However, you didn’t want to be rude. A part of you felt bothered that Mark didn’t confirm the fact that you were technically on a date but then again, you wouldn’t want them knowing you and Mark decided to start a relationship. It wasn’t any of your business and you knew shit would be the fan if any of them were to get involved. 

“No, go ahead.” 

Mark released a frustrated sigh—only loud enough for you to hear and you watched as Yugyeom brought him towards the elevators. You could tell he was probably annoyed with the fact that the two of you were rudely interrupted and even more so because Yugyeom was taking him away from you. Jackson gave you an awkward smile before placing his hands in his pockets. 

Just like you did with Mark, you considered Jackson to be pretty attractive back in high school. He was a little more outgoing and outspoken than your boyfriend was. However, you never batted an eye at him much like you didn’t with your boyfriend. In your eyes, the boy standing in front of you was just as much of a fuckboy as you considered Mark to be. 

Seeing him so embarrassed in front of you though kind of made you confused. Whether or not he caught on to the fact that you and Mark were a thing—you would have expected a snarky remark but you were left with nothing. As Yugyeom guided Mark to whatever secluded area he was taking him, there were scenarios popping in to his mind. 

He was afraid that Yugyeom was going to open his big mouth about the bet and even more afraid that it was going to get you to change the way you looked at him. Mark refused to lose you before the two of you could really do anything together as a couple and he would rather let something bad happen to him than to let Yugyeom get in the way of the relationship that was developing between the two of you. 

“Ayyyy, Markie boy. I see you’re practicing early huh. So you guys are a thing? I fucking knew it man, congrats. She’s one of the hottest girls on the entire campus—“

“What do you want Yugyeom?” The arrogant boy put his hands up and feigned innocence, but Mark could tell by his stupid grin that he was up to no good. 

“There’s a party at BamBam’s parent’s house on Friday. I know you didn’t forget about our little bet.”

“Look yugyeom, about that—“

“No way, you’re trying to get out of it aren’t you? I never thought I’d see the day where Mark Tuan is willing to give up his reputation for a girl. Not just any girl, sweet y/n. What, is her pussy magical or something? Does she swallow? I get it, she’s beautiful and extremely smart, but what’s so good about her? There must be something else about her that you like. She must be pretty special if she got you to give up your reputation. Maybe I should get a taste of her—“

“You touch her and I fucking end you Kim Yugyeom you hear me?” 

This was the first time he’s ever wanted to sock his friend in the face but it wasn’t his fault. Yugyeom knew exactly what he was doing. What was his problem? What had gotten in to him? Why did it seem like the way he was acting went beyond just a simple bet? Hearing him talk about you in such a degrading way made his blood boil. Mark couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he felt in his gut that something wasn’t right. 

“Ooooh, I’m so scared. Y/n is too much of a prissy bitch. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that she’s still a virgin. As much as I wouldn’t mind being the one to break her innocence, I like my girls experienced. Listen here Mark, I’d be careful if I were you. I know we’re friends, so you should know me better than anyone. I don’t think she’d be too happy if she found out this was all an act. Should I tell her she’s only worth $100–“

“You’re a fucking asshole you know that?” 

Mark tried to think about what he could have done to piss the younger boy off to get him to act this way but he came up short. There was nothing. No legitimate reason as to why Yugyeom was being so hostile towards him. If anything, he was the nicest one out of their group of friends towards him. He gave Yugyeom rides every now and then, he’d buy him food and he was just very generous and kind when it came to him. What could Mark have done for Yugyeom to try and manipulate your relationship? 

“Proud of it man. If you know what’s best for you, I’ll see you both at the party on Friday. Enjoy the rest of your night bro.”

What the hell did he get himself in to?

[allsassnoclass]

The Inherent Domesticity of Target’s Home Decor Section

Pairing: Michael Clifford/Calum Hood Rating: Teen Word Count: 2076 Read on AO3

Michael has mixed feelings about Target.  On one hand, Target is better than Walmart, and he appreciates that they get to design different album covers and sell special editions there.  On the other hand, walking into Target makes him feel like he should have his life together more.  That’s not to say that his life is a disaster; his life is actually pretty great, and he feels like a fully functioning adult.  However, the store still gives him the niggling feeling that he should buy a planner and some post-it notes and turn into a suburban mom.

“Do you think I should buy a planner?” he asks.  Calum hums, reading the back of a DVD that’s on sale for $5.  When he shifts to put it back on the shelf, Michael shifts right with him, arms around his stomach and cheek plastered against his shoulder.  It’s earlier in the morning than Michael would like, so Calum gets the privilege of holding him up as punishment for dragging him out into the world at this time of day.

“Why do you need a planner?  Ashton takes care of that stuff for the band,” Calum says.  He picks up another DVD and flips it over.

“Yeah, but maybe I should put down everyone’s birthday or something,” he says.  Calum snorts and Michael pinches his side, because he’s apologized for forgetting his birthday that one time sincerely and profusely and gave Calum a pretty spectacular blowjob to make up for it.

“Would you even use it?” Calum asks.  Michael considers and has to concede his point.

They look at DVDs for a few more minutes because Calum gets a kick out of what a place like Target choses to stock in their meger selection.  Michael lets him slip some animated thing he thinks he watched once as a kid into the basket, content to stand there while Calum takes his time and just breathe him in.  He loves being close to Calum, letting his familiar smell fill his nostrils and leeching body heat.  He lets their breathing sync up and imagines that he can hear his heartbeat, slow and steady and almost putting him to sleep standing up.

Nowhere feels like home quite like Calum does.  Even in the middle of Target, Michael feels better than he ever has alone in his house.  It makes him wonder why he’s even living alone, and why Calum pulled away and they stopped messing around when neither of them have girlfriends.

The bottom line is that he misses Calum nearly every moment they’re apart, but he doesn’t know how to articulate this without the crushing fear of rejection.  Calum loves him, and he knows that a significant part of Calum’s world revolves around Michael, but that doesn’t mean they necessarily love each other in the same way.  Michael wants grocery shopping and kisses and late night cuddles regardless of if they have somewhere to be in the morning and lazy sex and laughing at each other’s ridiculousness so hard that he can’t breathe.  Calum wants a platonic best friend.

“What else do we still need to get?” Calum asks, shaking Michael out of his reverie.

“Toothpaste, I think.  And vitamins.”

“Look at you, being healthy and shit.”

Michael pokes his side and Calum tries to wriggle away, giggling because Michael knows exactly which spot tickles the most.

“Just because I don’t let Ashton drag me to yoga like you do doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy.  I get the most sleep out of any of us and I drink a fuckton of water.”

“I know, I know,” Calum says.  “Want to check the CDs?”

It’s a distraction tactic, because Michael will always check the one-shelf CD selection, especially so soon after one of their own releases.  Michael makes the conscious decision to allow himself to be distracted.

“Okay.  CDs, then toothpaste, then vitamins, then I want to look at the home decor.”

“What do you want to look at the home decor for?”

Michael shrugs, knowing that Calum can feel it.  There’s just no non-incriminating way to say I like to see your reactions and pretend that we’re picking out stuff for our house because I might be fully in love with you and I want you in every single crevice of my life.

That’s the issue with Target: it makes him feel domestic and long for things he can’t have.

“Excuse me?” a new voice says, and Michael first feels a twinge of annoyance at someone interrupting his moment and then a twinge of panic that it could be a fan when he definitely doesn’t have the emotional or physical energy to put on a public persona.  One look at the owner of the voice dispels that notion.  The woman is on the later side of middle-aged and looks pretty much exactly like the kind of woman who cooks meatloaf and has 3 cats and actually does go to Target to buy planners.  As inclusive as the band tries to make their music, Michael can admit that she’s not exactly in their immediate wheelhouse for fans.  Nevertheless, he straightens up a bit, but the woman is smiling so he thinks he can maybe get away with still locking his arms around Calum’s waist.

“Sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to say that you boys make such a cute couple!  It’s so nice to see young people in love.”

Michael stiffens, but Calum puts a hand on his arm, effectively anchoring him in place before he can pull away.

“Thank you.  It’s nice to be in love,” Calum says, and Michael’s breath stutters in his throat.

The woman beams and for a moment Michael thinks she’s going to reach out and pinch Calum’s cheeks, but she just bids them a good day and continues towards the books.

“CDs?” Calum asks, casual as anything.  Michael nods and fully pulls away, not trusting himself to speak or to touch.

It was just a nice thing to say to a romantic woman, but it’s nice to be in love plays on repeat in his head like a broken record.  He knows, he knows that it doesn’t mean anything, but Michael would give almost anything to have it be the truth.

There are five copies of the Target exclusive edition of CALM on the shelf.  There’s also a Neil Diamond greatest hits collection and a few random soundtracks that Calum points out, but Michael can barely focus.  He kind of wants to skip the toothpaste and go straight home, but he also doesn’t want Calum to question why that small interaction with the woman threw him so off kilter.  By the time they make it through the checkout and back to Michael’s car, he feels like he’s going to vibrate out of his skin.

Calum waits until they’re out of the parking lot to start talking.

“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable earlier.  That wasn’t my intention.  I just figured that was the easiest response.  I know we’re not--I know we don’t do that anymore.”

In a different world where Michael hasn’t kept a very tight lid on his feelings for his best friend for the past eight years, he would have crashed the car.

“I know,” he says instead.  Silence fills the space, heavy and uncomfortable.  Michael keeps his eyes resolutely on the road and tries not to read too much into how Calum keeps taking a breath as if he wants to talk before cutting himself off.

“And I understand,” Calum says suddenly, almost causing Michael to swerve.  “I understand why we’re not together anymore.”

“What,” Michael says.

“I’m not trying to get you back, or whatever.  I know you don’t think of me like that.”

“That I don’t--” Michael chokes.  “I’m sorry, what?”

“Come on, don’t make me say it,” Calum says, shifting in his seat.

“No, hang on.  I don’t understand what you’re saying to me right now.”

“Mike, stop it.  Now you’re just being mean.”

“Calum, you’re the one who pulled away from me.  Personally, I don’t understand why we’re not together anymore.  I didn’t even know that we were!”

“That’s bullshit!  What did you think we were, if not together?”

“I don’t know, fucking around?  I thought we stopped because you got bored of me.”

“Michael, we stopped because we got asked about ships in an interview and you got really weird about it.”

“Yeah, because I’ve been in love with you for half my life!”

Silence descends, and Michael absolutely cannot look at Calum right now.  The only things that exist are the steering wheel in his grip and the strip of road in front of him.  There’s still a good ten minutes until he reaches his house, and Michael is very content to spend those ten minutes pretending like he is alone and has not just revealed his biggest secret during an argument that he still doesn’t quite understand.

“Pull over.”

No such luck, apparently.

“Michael, pull over right now.”

He eases over and puts the car in park, letting his hands fall into his lap.

“You’re in love with me?” Calum asks.  Michael nods.  “We’re so stupid.”

“What?” Michael asks, finally looking over at Calum.  He doesn’t look uncomfortable or sad, he looks exasperated.  Michael isn’t sure what that’s supposed to mean.

“We’re idiots.  We could’ve been happily dating this whole time.  Hell, we probably could’ve been married by now,” Calum says.  “I’m in love with you, too.”

Michael blinks at him and really wishes his brain was operating a bit faster.

“Calum,” he says, for lack of anything else.

“Michael,” Calum grins right back.

“Are you serious?” he asks.  Calum rolls his eyes.

“Why would I joke about this?”

Michael shrugs helplessly.

“Michael,” Calum says seriously.  “I made you park the car.  We just had a conversation that obviously made you uncomfortable.  Why the fuck would I be joking right now?”

Michael shrugs helplessly again.

“You love me?” he asks.  Calum reaches over and grabs one of his hands.

“I’m head over heels, crazy in love with you.  It’s pathetic.  It’s ridiculous.  I want to jump you in this car right now.”

Michael laughs.

“Not in broad daylight,” he says.  Calum smiles in a way that makes something settle in Michael’s stomach, something that he hadn’t realized had been unsettled ever since they stopped seeing each other.

Fuck.  He’s so lucky.

“I’m in love with you, too,” he says.  Calum’s smile widens.

“I know,” he says.  “You just told me that.”

“Well, I wanted to tell you again.”

“Well, I’m in love with you, too.”

They’re talking in circles now--wonderful, love-sick circles--and Michael is thankful for multiple reasons when Calum breaks it by leaning over the center console to kiss him.  Calum’s lips are familiar under his, and even after months without feeling them Michael has them memorized.  This kiss feels different, though.  There’s a surety to it that they haven’t had before, a question and agreement that thrills him.

“You’re sure you don’t want to roll around in the back seat right now?” Calum asks softly when they part.  Michael grins and knocks their foreheads together.

“You’re funny,” he says.  “Ha, ha.”

Calum kisses him again.  Michael could definitely get used to this.  If their previous conversation is any indication, he’ll have plenty of time and opportunity to get used to this.

This time when the kiss breaks, Calum fully leans back rather than keep breathing his air.

“Okay,” he says.  “Let’s go home, Michael.  We’ve got years of a honeymoon phase to catch up on.”

Michael puts the car in drive and eases back onto the road.  They’ll have time to drive around again later, because Michael definitely wants to do another circuit of the Target home decor section with this new revelation.  Maybe he’ll try to find a card for the woman who confused them for a couple, just in case they happen to run into her by the post-it notes or planners.

Either way, Michael thinks that Target might be his favorite store now.  He glances at Calum to find him already looking at him and his chest warms.

Yeah, Target is definitely his favorite store, but he’d be okay with never setting foot in it again if it meant he could keep spending time with his favorite person.

Thankfully, the way that Calum leans over to kiss him at a red light seems to mean that he agrees.

[just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot]

Soulmate September - Day 6

Day 6 - When your soulmate is injured you will experience pain in that area

Pairing(s): Analoceitmus [ambiguous, can be read romantic or platonic, or a mix], QPR Royality 

TWs: Injury mention, swearing, Remus being Remus near the end 

–

“I’m going to sue him.”, Logan hissed, attempting to sit up in his hospital bed, “Soulmate or not, how can one man possibly be so irresponsible?! I’m definitely going to sue him.”

He winced as he tried to get comfy, but the tough mattress and uncomfortable bunching of the sheets said suffer. 

And boy, was he. 

Logan Sanders was an immaculate, careful man. Had been since he was a child. A neat and tidy lad who - upon learning of the rules of fate - made it his utmost mission to spare his soulmate any pain or anguish for as long as he could manage. 

His soulmate, however, didn’t seem to share that sentiment.

From childhood, Logan found himself with sudden knee pains from scrapes he never fell for, abrasions he had caused no friction to gain, and the occasional shoulder or back pain as if he’d been pushed over when he was standing perfectly upright. At least the universe had decided to spare humanity the anguish of leaving soulmates with the physical injuries that came with the pain, but it was only a minor comfort.

Logan couldn’t say he hadn’t expected a lot of rough and tumble from his soulmate after his elementary school years, but really; a broken leg, facial burns, and a splintered forearm? “This is absolute bullshit.”, he bitterly muttered, “Barely hours apart! How is that even possible?!”

His ranting went ignored by the nurse who came to administer his medication; thankfully science had worked out a wonderful little clear pill that could banish the pain from particularly debilitating soulmate pains. The little bastards were expensive - the true pain is always capitalism within the medical world -  but Logan’s job paid handsomely. Say what you will about computer nerds and whatnot, but programming for the right people lets you make some seriously high end bread. None of that homemade farmer’s market shit.

Unfortunately, he’d have to wait about a week for his pains to ebb gently into nothingness until the klutz of a man fate paired him with got into MORE trouble. Thus Logan couldn’t get back to his work. His leg was, for all intents and purposes, broken so the staff couldn’t let him go home. He couldn’t simply drive home himself either, his splintered forearm saw to that. And Logan couldn’t even ask his roommate Emile to bring him his work laptop to try and keep his workload at bay, his left eye was too cloudy and painful to concentrate on a screen. 

Yes; his soulmate BETTER be paying his hospital bills.

Realisation struck Logan; his soulmate is obviously just as injured, ergo it’s a high probability that he could be somewhere within the hospital too. Using his good hand to reach for a pen, and absolutely dreading adding to his pain, Logan poked the tip into his good arm, wincing as he first attempted to contact them with simple morse code, “My/ Name/ Is/ Logan. Who/ Are/ You?”

He waited for a response, fearing he would have to start scratching his name onto his arm when he felt the little jabs in response,  “Janus.” Great. He FINALLY had a name to put on the lawsuit. Logan, already wincing at the bee-sting pain from the pen, he jabbed out another message,

“Are/ You/ Currently/ Staying/ At/ Stokes/ General/ Hospital?”

The reply came cryptically,

“Yes / I / -”

Logan wasn’t sure why his soulmate had suddenly stopped replying. Had a nurse confiscated whatever his soulmate was using to poke himself? Either way, Logan would have to be content with the knowledge his soulmate was at least close by. He truly had no idea how close until two very disgruntled voices were within earshot of his room door,

“Brilliant, I just adore being ousted from my comfortable bed so I could spend even longer looking at your delightful face.”

“Oh, like you’re the victim here, asshole! You’re the one stabbing yourself and fucking up my unbroken arm!”

Logan watched them both argue outside of his room door. Both men were sporting similar injuries to his own; the first one that had spoken, refined looking gentleman with sharp features and neat blonde hair, had the left side of his face bandaged heavily. Meanwhile the other man, sporting raven hair and eye bags that could carry a month’s worth of groceries, was fitted with a cast on his left forearm. Both of them were on crutches, though Logan couldn’t see if either had a genuine cast.

“Ahem. Gentlemen?”

Logan called to them, watching as both turned to meet his gaze. He lifted the pen in his hand and asked, “I take it one of you is Janus?”

The man with the bandages over his eye, Janus, nodded, “That would be me.”

The man with the broken arm looked confused, “Wait, so, you’re the one who was ramming a pen into their arm? Damn.”, he turned, begrudgingly to the first man, “I guess I owe you an apology then.”

“Really you needn’t-”

“Then I shan’t.”

Janus glared at the other man’s snark, but Logan found it rather delightful. Clearing his throat once more, he breached the topic, “I take it that means we three are soulmates?”

“Four.”

Logan and Janus looked to the third man as he explained, “Your leg doesn’t have a proper cast on it, this asshole doesn’t have one either,”, Janus gifted the man a half glare and a middle finger before he continued, “And since I don’t have one, it’s pretty obvious there’s a fourth musketeer.”

Fair to say, Logan was impressed, even Janus was hiding the tiniest hint of admiration as he retorted, “And are we to call you Sherlock or D’artagnan?”

The man rolled his eyes, “Ha ha, fuck you. My name’s-”

“VIRGIL!!”

The man, Virgil, nearly lept out of his skin, jerking his arm and giving the three of them a jolt of pain. Logan felt relieved he’d only have to put up with it for a few more days once the medicine took effect. 

In the doorway stood a man who could only be described as unnecessarily handsome, clad in a burgundy bomber jacket and a Nightmare Before Christmas shirt that seemed out of place on someone who stood poised like the protagonist of a romance anime. Logan noted he and Janus both checked to see if his leg was broken; good to know they had similar tastes even if the man’s lack of a cast dashed their hopes. Said handsome man made a beeline for Virgil, only to receive a swat and a motion to back off, 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Princey, you nearly gave me a heart attack!!!”, Virgil hissed and took a deep breath. ‘Princey’ let out a fond huff, “You should be so lucky, Bring Me The Depression, do you know how worried Pat and I were when we couldn’t find you!? This, dearest Emo Nightmare, is karma at its finest-!”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up, Roman. Where’s Pat? He’s gonna wanna meet my soulmates.”

Roman blinked, finally registering Logan and Janus just watching the two of them reunite. Clearing his throat, Logan made the introductions, “I’m Logan Sanders, this gentleman is-”

“Janus Delgado. Charmed I’m sure.”, Janus butt in, “Really, Logan, I can introduce myself. Unlike some people.”

Virgil flipped him off just in time for Roman to frown in confusion, “And…. you’re all sure you’re soulmates? I mean, no offense but you don’t...”, he picked his words carefully, his face contorting at the effort, “....act like soulmates?”

The three of them looked between one another and shrugged, “To be perfectly fair - Roman, yes? - we have all literally just met today under…. Less than optimal circumstances. I doubt you and your soulmate, assuming you’ve found them, hit it off instantly.”

Roman blinked, “Kind of, we didn’t have any problems like this, quite honestly...”, he almost sounded guilty at that notion, “The worst we have to deal with is his cat allergies-”

Out in the hallway, a couple of nurses hurriedly walked past and allowed another man into the room who immediately lit up at the sight of Roman and Virgil, “There you both are!!! I got held up at the vending machine, but when I came back you were both gone!”

“Patton! How glad I am to see you once more!”, Roman beamed, pulling the taller man into a hug and planting a dramatic kiss upon his cheek, to which Logan, Janus, and Virgil simultaneously met with an ‘ugh’. Perhaps they were more alike than they first assumed. 

Patton turned to meet Janus and Logan’s gaze, looking back to Virgil who explained, “They’re two of my soulmates, Pat.”

For a moment, the tall excitable ball of sunshine looked like he was about to pop with joy when Roman held up a hand to interject, “Pardon me, but ‘two of’?”, and cast his confusion towards Virgil who explained, “Our last soulmate has a broken leg, it’s the only injury we can’t account for.”

Patton and Roman shared a momentary look, drawing Logan’s attention, “Roman? Patton? Are you both alright?”. The two seemed to play eye contact rock-paper-scissors to decide who would answer, with Roman losing apparently.

“When exactly did you feel the pain in your leg?”

“Couple hours ago” “Around three?” “Precisely 3:27 pm.”

Came the chorus of answers. Janus and Virgil both shot Logan a look, to which he quietly murmured, “It never hurts to provide a little extra clarity.”

“Apparently so,”, Janus began, before shifting his partial gaze to the couple, “So, are you lovebirds-”

“Qpp’s.”, Patton corrected quietly, to which, Janus did apologise, “Pardon me. So, are you queer platonic saps going to clue us in to why exactly you asked us such a specific question?”

Roman sighed, “I ask because my brother, Remus, broke his leg at that exact same time today. Pat and I were going to visit him right after we’d checked in with Virgil.”

The three soulmates shared a collective look, but the first one to pipe up was Virgil, “You have a brother?! Why am I only finding this out now, I’ve known you for 12 fucking years, Roman! What the fuck!?”

Logan exasperatedly ran a hand down his face as he tried to maneuver himself out of his bed and into one of the hospital’s wheelchairs, Janus offering a hand to him, “Virgil, as much as I would love to listen to you and Roman bicker back and forth, could we possibly save such trivialities for after we meet our fourth soulmate?”

This time Patton piped up, “Oh, um, you may not want to do that just yet-”

As if on cue, roughly six or seven medical staff rushed by, causing Patton and Roman to quickly look around the doorway, only to turn back to the others, “Well, no time like the present. Patton, if you help Virgil, I’ll help Janus once Logan can shimmy into that wheelchair.”, Roman assigned as he offered an arm for Logan to hold onto while he got himself in the chair. Noting the context clues, Logan was rightfully worried, especially as he felt a new pain in his hand, only to note that while Roman and Patton helped them move, Virgil and Janus seemed to be experiencing more pain in their legs than before. In the moment, Logan did feel a little bad that the pill he’d taken hours earlier was saving him from too much additional pain. Approaching the hospital room the medical staff had gathered within, the group were greeted with a wild scene.

A scruffy man strikingly similar in looks to Roman - albeit sporting a thin moustache and silver hair streak - wearing a leg cast was holding a crutch in one hand and an honest to god butterfly knife in the other, standing atop his hospital bed, raving like a lunatic and gesturing frantically to an empty space in the room,

“NOW WILL SOMEBODY FINALLY LET ME OUT OF HERE?! ME AND THIS BEAR WANNA GO CATCH HORNY FISH AND SHIT IN THE WOODS!!” 

Charming. 

Logan glanced over at Patton and Roman, the question clear on his face just like their answer. That was Remus alright. He watched Roman talk with a nurse trying to calm Remus, “We gave him some painkillers to ease his leg pains, but it shouldn’t be affecting him this much!”

“Oh, Remus has always been like this with medication, I should’ve warned the nursing staff.”, he groaned, “But that doesn’t explain-”

“He must’ve pushed the blue button behind his bed,”, Logan sighed, already anticipating Roman’s question, “The medical staff likely assumed Remus was coding and thus went into action. That’s why they’re here right now.”

Roman’s expression confirmed that was indeed going to be his question. As Roman went to help the nurses tranquilise Remus’ wild flailing, and while his other two soulmates stood by to watch the chaos - in varying degrees of worry and strange admiration bordering on attraction for his disregard for social norms - Logan tried to come to terms with the facts.

He had three very different soulmates, and by the looks of it? He’d have to get used to frequent hospital stays….

--------------

This one’s probably on the weirder side, but uh, yeah, I hope it’s still a good read! [Also sorry these have been a little late lately TTvTT] @tsshipmonth2020 Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @cateye-glasses

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Ouroboros (S2, E8)

The hiatus almost killed me. So glad we have new content <3

As usual, my time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:04 - That scarf is so extra.

0:26 - OH LOOK THE FIRST SUNSHINE SIGHTING OF SEASON TWO!!! It only took 8 episodes. *insert eyeroll*

0:40 - Ugh. This montage makes me hate Hoxley. He embodies the type of human I abhor: self-important, egotistic, obsessed with appearance.

1:19 - “No I didn’t.” LMAO. Mr. David is so done with Martin’s bullshit.

1:36 - That makeshift shiv in the dude’s arm.....that’s Daryl’s shiv from a few episodes ago right? Am I going crazy?

 2:25 - Sooooo Birdie hasn’t left New York? She’s moved into the Milton’s “Murrayville Building”. Huh. Wait. Was Birdie in the house when Malcolm and Ainsley fought? Do you think she heard?!? Birdie might become a problem for the Whitly’s later this season....I hope?

2:43 - Jessica doesn’t know about the contents of the fight. Interesting. How long has it been since the end of 2x7? 

2:58 - “I’ll be there at 8.” hahaha OMG. I swear Malcolm was a terror during his ‘rebellious teenager’ phase.

3:38 - Yep. This fog horn reinforces the fact that I believe Hoxley is a dick. 

3:40 - Awww.... the way Malcolm jumps/flinches at the fog horn is both hilarious and adorable.

3:58 - “And who the hell are you?” YES GIL. YES. Don’t let him talk like that to Malcolm <3

4:04 - Duuuuude. Gil looks pissed and scared. He does not like Europol snooping around his crimes. ALSO I’m like 95% sure that Gil knows (or at least has a hunch) that Malcolm is somehow involved with Endicott’s murder. I’m pretty sure Gil is scared that this dude is going to try and arrest Malcolm. 

4:07 - OMG. JT is adorable. “You’re that guy. The mind sleuth.” Personal headcanon: JT read Hoxley’s book to try and understand Malcolm better. 

4:22 - DANI IS MY QUEEN. SHE IS MY ICON. I LOVE HER SO FREAKING MUCH. “No.” This girl is fierce. <3

4:23 - <3 <3 Malcolm’s heart eyes, head tilt, and visible pride is so so so precious. THIS is why he’s attracted to Dani. She’s not afraid to assert herself. 

4:31 - “And then took in his son.” ....Okay, so this infuriated me. Nothing Hoxley is saying is untrue. BUT something about the way he’s saying it just gets under my skin. 

4:45 - I think Hoxley is pissing me off so much because he’s psychoanalyzing Malcolm in front three of the people Malcolm trusts and loves most in the world (3 out of a very very short list of people). He’s trying to humiliate Malcolm and I hate it. I hate that Dani, JT, and Gil haven’t told Hoxley to shut up. I hate that Hoxley is trying to drive stakes of doubt into the three people whose opinion Malcolm treasures. 

5:25 - “Aim a little lower, Whitly.” and and and.....then Hoxley looks to the team as though he wants them to laugh. I’m furious. 

5:32 - THANK YOU GIL. STEER THE CONVERSATION AWAY FROM MALCOLM

6:04 - Malcolm is so obvious. There’s no way that the team doesn’t know that he was involved with Endicott’s murder. If they didn’t before this episode - they HAVE to know now. Right? They’re detectives. Malcolm is a terrible liar. 

7:00 - Oh. So now Ainsley cares about the crime. Now it’s “how much trouble are we in”. And let’s be real. Ainsley doesn’t even seem very worried or scared. She’s concerned that the crime will get out - she’s not sorry she committed the crime. She’s not sorry that her big brother tried to take the fall for her. 

7:15 - “We said no more secrets.” ...when. When did you two say that? Was there a ‘fight part 2 - the tentative truce’ that we didn’t get to see?

7:33 - A mention of Sophie Sanders. Finally. I still hope she comes out of the woodwork and takes the fall for this. I want more closure on her. Did the team ever find out that Malcolm found her? How did the Eddie murder finally get resolved (I’m not satisfied with the “not every case gets solved” line)?

7:42 - Yo. I don’t care about the time constraint of a 45 minute episode. I don’t care that it was required to move the plot along. The fact that Ainsley starts typing frantically into the computer at about 7:42, stops typing at 7:47ish and has found at least 4 different articles relating to murdered random people (who apparently helped hide Endicott’s body?) is SO UNREALISTIC. I just can’t. I can’t suspend my disbelief on this one. The article headlines say nothing about ‘couriers’. It’s stuff like ‘Local fisherman found dead’. HOW THE HELL WOULD AINSLEY KNOW THEY WERE HELPING MALCOLM IN LESS THAN 10 SECONDS OF GOOGLING?!? Nope. I can’t justify this one. Fedak - you dropped the ball.

8:40 - Poor Malcolm looks terrified. :( 

9:04 - My first impression of Natalie was that she’s a beautiful young lady who seems really sweet and a little socially awkward. Kudos to the actress.

9:41 - Another mention of Sophie. God - I hope she becomes a twist in this season’s storyline. I’m not content with how her story arc ended. 

10:21 - “I didn’t have anything to do with Endicott’s death and neither did Jessica.” Yep. Gil definitely knows (or at least suspects) that Ainsley and Malcolm are somehow involved with Endicott’s murder. It’s killing me that we’re not getting the big “team and/or Gil find out and/or confront Malcolm about it” moment. 

10:31 - OMG. Alan Cumming’s eyebrow wag here. hahahahaha

10:35 - Look at how pissed off Gil is as soon as Hoxley suggests that he and Jessica have a romantic history. 1) Gil still has it bad for Jessica (and is hurt that she rejected him again 2) Gil’s a pretty private dude and probably doesn’t like his personal business being speculated upon by a total stranger with ill intent 3) Gil is also getting protective of the Whitly’s. Not just Jessica but Malcolm (and maybe Ainsley) too. 

10:58 - Europol agents aren’t allowed to make arrests?!? THEN WTF IS THE POINT OF HOXLEY’S CHARACTER?!? TO DRIVE DOUBT INTO THE MINDS OF THE TEAM WITH REGARDS TO MALCOLM?!? FOR REAL. WHY?! TO FORCE GIL TO ARREST MALCOLM AND AINSLEY?!?!

11:08 - “To watch you put the cuffs on Mr.Endicott’s killer. Deal?” “Deal.” oooooooohhhhhh no. I do not like the foreshadowing here. If Gil has to arrest Ainsley and/or Malcolm.....idek. Part of me wants to watch it for the emotional whump (of all parties - including Jessica). Part of me wants to ugly cry at the thought of it though.

11:39 - “How do you know so much about yachts?” ....THANK YOU JT. DANI HAS A STRANGE AMOUNT OF NAVAL KNOWLEDGE IN THIS EPISODE AND WE ALL KNOW “I watch a lot of Below Deck” IS UTTER HORSE CRAP. Ugh. I want to know more about Dani and JT’s personal lives. So. Badly. 

11:44 - <3 <3 <3 The look Malcolm and JT exchange when Dani claims that she watches a lot of Below Deck is absolutely precious. It’s like they’re best friends and/or brothers. They both knew Dani was lying. <3

11:54 - “At least he’s the real deal.” Ouch. I honestly can’t tell if JT is just teasing Malcolm here or if JT genuinely believes this. ....Is this JT’s way to letting Malcolm know that he has suspicions about his involvement with Endicott’s death?

12:06 - “Says the guy who bought his book.” HA. Dani is on fire this episode. The snark queen. Look at how pleased Malcolm is that Dani is defending him. <3 Warms my cold dead heart.

12:09 - annnnndd now JT is definitely teasing Malcolm. “What our boy Bright needs is a moniker.” hahaha watching Dani and JT come up with stupid profiler monikers was so cute. I love it when the team gangs up to (lovingly) tease Malcolm.

12:30 - “No. Nothing yet.” Again - Malcolm is a terrible liar. The team must know that he’s involved with this thing. They’re detectives. 

12:59 - Martin’s physical reaction to Malcolm saying, “No. That woman does not deserve to die.” Is HILARIOUS. Martin is so freaking desperate for Malcolm to become a serial killer that he doesn’t even care the Ainsley has already murdered someone. 

13:19 - “He has a perfect track record.”.....what? So does that mean he’s solved every case he’s ever worked on? Taken credit for solving every case he’s ever work on? Hand picked the cases he works on so he knows he can solve them? Probably a combination of the above. Sometime about Hoxley reminds me of Gilderoy Lockhart from Harry Potter. You feel me?

13:23 - The fact that Tom Payne (a Brit) is being told that Hoxley has “perfect teeth. For a Brit” by a Welsh man is hilarious.

13:34 - Does this fish packing joint have no security?!? Like Malcolm didn’t have to pick a lock or anything. He just walked right in (and he’s not being quiet).

13:51 - “I can think ruthless. I don’t know if I can be ruthless.” THIS. THIS is Malcolm in a nutshell. Think about Nicky Covington. Malcolm wanted to act ruthless but he couldn’t. He ended up saving Nicky because he couldn’t go through with his ruthless plan. That’s the difference between Malcolm and (quite frankly) the rest of his family. Jessica, Martin, and Ainsley can all be ruthless. All of them. Jessica on a lesser degree but Martin and Ainsley are confidently ruthless. Often.

13:57 - Ok. For real though. HOW HAS NO ONE OVERHEARD THESE PHONE CALLS BETWEEN MARTIN AND MALCOLM. THE PHONES HAVE TO BE TAPPED RIGHT?!? IN A SECURE MENTAL INSTITUTION FOR MURDERERS?!? and I stg that Mr. David knows things. That man is not a moron and he’s pieced stuff together (not from this scene obviously, but still).

14:13. - “Why don’t I break out.” The fact that Malcolm hasn’t mentioned that Martin wants to escape to anyone (since 2x4) is really stressing me out. I know Martin’s going to break out - the promos have made that very obvious but I’m still anxious about it. Mostly I’m worried for the health and safety of Malcolm (and Gil, Jessica, Dani, JT, Edrisa...).

14:17 - “We all go on the run together.” Martin is delusional. He thinks that the whole family will go on the run with him?!?!?  He might be able to convince Ainsley. He might be able to blackmail or threaten Malcolm. BUT Jessica? She’s not going willingly. Hell - she might kill him herself if Martin escapes and tries to come near her (which.....I would actually kind of like to see).

14:48 - The fact that Malcolm apologizes to a corps is so precious. Really reinforces the fact that Malcolm is not a killer. 

15:00 - Oh look. Another scene for Malcolm’s nightmares. “The time I cut off a dead guy’s thumb to protect my sister”

15:24 - annnndd Malcolm is really close to having a panic attack. Look at that face. :( Someone give this guy a hug. Please.

15:34 - Where the HELL is Edrisa!?!?!?

15:42 - Malcolm, you utter moron. What possessed your stupid ass to show up at a crime scene with a soaking wet arm and draw attention to your arm by shaking it?!?! WHEN THE BODY WAS JUST DRAGGED OUT OF A VAT OF WATER. AND YOU TAMPERED WITH THE BODY?!!? YOU DUMBASS. 

15:52 - This is Gil - terrified. He’s scared because 1) he knows Malcolm is lying , 2) he’s concerned for Malcolm’s mental health and 3) he’s starting to think that either a) Malcolm killed this guy, b) Malcolm knows who killed this guy and is obstructing justice, or c) Hoxley is going to pin this on Malcolm and Gil won’t be able to save him.

16:14 - “I’m never buying frozen fish again.” hahaha Dani is killing it this episode. <3

16:23 - Check out how Gil is staring at Malcolm. Gil totally thinks Malcolm has the thumb.

16:50 - “Older model” Shit. Seriously? Are finger print scanners on phones old?!? My phone isn’t that old......I got it 6 years ago? 

17:16 - MALCOLM IS A TERRIBLE LIAR. Honestly, the pure terror on his face throughout most of this episode screams “I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE MURDER.” If the team hasn’t pieced this together yet they’re not worthy of being detectives.

17:29 - I’m not going to lie. I had to fast forward through the Martin/Capshaw scenes for the rewatch. I find them so upsetting to watch. I just can’t do it more than once. Their whole dynamic is gross, creepy, and just ugh. 

20:00 - Jessica and Hoxley talking about Endicott’s death is so satisfying. 

20:35 - “Jessica Whitly. Played for a fool. Yet. Again.” Ok Hoxley. You are not allowed to disrespect my girl Jessica like that. 

21:10 - The biggest problem with Jessica and Gil’s “mock interrogations” by Hoxley is that neither of them mention Ainsley or Malcolm. It’s super suspicious. They mention other people by name. People who should be connected to Ainsley and/or Malcolm given the context of the sentence. Hoxley is a moron for not nailing Ainsley and Malcolm for the crime during this episode. It’s so so so obvious.

21:19 - hahahahahahahaha Jessica grabbing the martini out of Hoxley’s hands. hahahahaha I stan.

21:35 - annnnnd Jessica is a terrible liar as well. Seriously - why doesn’t she just say “ENDICOTT WAS KILLED OVER HERE!!”. Another parallel between her and Malcolm though. Malcolm + Jessica can’t lie well. Ainsley + Martin are expert liars.

22:54 - Again. Ainsley is intrigued at the fact that Malcolm has a thumb in his freezer. Much like Martin would be if he knew. Jessica on the other hand shares Malcolm’s fear and disgust about the situation.

23:00- “We”?!!?!? AINSLEY YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING. MALCOLM HAS BEEN COVERING FOR YOUR ASS. YOU JUST HAVEN’T TURNED YOURSELF IN AFTER YOU REMEMBERED. THAT’S YOUR ONLY CONTRIBUTION TO THE “KEEPING ENDICOTT’S MURDER A SECRET” SITUATION. 

23:07 - “Do you even see what you are doing to him.” This line both terrified and delighted me. On one hand - I’m grateful that Jessica can see how much emotional pain Malcolm is in because of this situation. One the other hand - Ainsley looks pissed that Jessica is blaming her for Malcolm’s general brokenness. If Ainsley goes full serial killer - Malcolm is going to be on her list. “The brother that overshadowed her.” “The favourite child” “The reason she had to be a perfect daughter” “The reason she was ignored”

23:32 - “Got it.” Damn. Ainsley is bitter. She wants to control this situation. She doesn’t like taking orders from Malcolm. 

25:00 - MR.DAVID IS RIGHT THERE. IF HE DOESN’T BLOW THE WHISTLE ON THIS I’M GOING TO BE SO DISAPPOINTED. 

25:12 -”The Brain Fart” hahahahaha OMG. 

25:53 - “You’re being rude Hoxley.” ......Martin being the nice guy? I’m genuinely disgusted.

26:26 - “Your son Malcolm.” THIS. THIS is why Ainsley is so pissed off. Everyone has always thought Malcolm would turn out like Martin. Ever since they were kids. She’s pissed off that no one considers her to be a threat. They’re all concerned for and scared of Malcolm. Not her. She’s invisible. Why do you think she became a TV reporter? To force people to see her. 

26:50 - I’ve never wanted to Martin to kill anyone more than I have in this moment. I do find Martin’s protective love for Malcolm interesting though. 

27:37 - How long was that phone in water before Malcolm grabbed it?!? Anyone ever drop a phone in water? I don’t care how much rice you have. It’s toast 90% of the time. 

27:44 - Malcolm explaining murder to Sunshine is so cute. 

28:22 - And my heart rate has skyrocketed. 

29:10 - “To protect your sister.” Huh. I find it interesting that Hoxley has considered that Malcolm may have killed Endicott to protect Ainsley. It suggests that he thinks Endicott was a threat to Ainsley alive. Makes me wonder about what happened to Ainsley before Malcolm got back to the house in 1x20.

29:16 - “You all had something to gain.” Did they though? Martin had something to gain - keeping his cushy Claremont cell. Ainsley had something to gain - “A news story.” Jessica had something to gain - “safety”. But Malcolm? He didn’t personally have anything to gain. He wanted his Mom and sister safe but he never thought about himself. 

30:11 - “Perhaps the murder weapon is still among your mother’s silver.” I find it interesting Hoxley has pieced that together. I also find it highly unbelievable but that’s just me. 

30:15 - Hoxely, rich people don’t carve their own Christmas roasts. The Whitly’s have staff for that. 

30:24 - “You’re still just a scared little boy. Hungry for daddy’s love.” Ouch. It’s true but it still hurts. This is not helping Malcolm’s mental state. At all. Istg if we don’t get a Malcolm mental health crisis soon I’m going to have my own mental health crisis. Seriously. I want to see this boy lose it. I’m a monster. I know. I want ugly crying. I want panic attacks. I want him to go catatonic. I want someone to comfort him. 

32:35 - Nat’s a good liar. Very convincing. Too bad Malcolm’s a good profiler. 

33:53 - Check out Spider Monkey Malcolm. <3 

34:14 - Earlier this episode when Malcolm said he can think ruthless but not be ruthless? This is the proof. He could’ve sat back and let Natalie kill Hoxley. In some ways - it would be good for Malcolm. But Malcolm’s not ruthless. He values human life. He’s an A+ dude. For better or for worse he tries to help people.

34:26 - Really Hoxley? Do you plan on stabbing Malcolm?!? (FYI - this scene is very reminiscent of Lockhart pulling his wand on Harry and Ron in the Chamber of Secrets #justsaying).

34:45 - “I’m going to be killed by a millennial. What a twist.” hahahhahahahahhaa

35:22 - “I’m British.” hahaha I love this scene so much.

37:14 - FINALLY THE PAPA!GIL CONTENT WE”VE BEEN WAITING FOR. (it’s weak but I’ll take it)

37:39 - AHHHH the fact that Gil and Malcolm are both non-verbally communicating that Natalie didn’t kill Endicott is killing me. Does Malcolm think that Gil hates him? Does Gil really think Malcolm killed Endicott? Or just that Malcolm covered it up? I NEED TO KNOW.

37:46 - Concerned!Gil and a hand on Malcolm’s shoulder. <3 <3 <3 My icy heart has melted. 

37:54 - annnnnd Hoxley ruins the moment.

39:39 - I’m not content with this ending. It’s all too convenient. Hoxley still thinks Ainsley and Malcolm did it. Mark my words. This isn’t over.

39:53 - Ainsley is so smug here. I want to slap her. She’s elated that she’s getting away with murder. She doesn’t care about how it’s hurting her family. 

40:00 - Did they really do the interview inside Jessica’s house?!?! Gross. 

40:17- I might be the only one but I love that polo on Malcolm. Something about it is adorable. 

40:22 - ......is Ainsley really trying to take credit for “putting this Endicott mess behind us”?!?! Because - she didn’t. OMG. She absolutely didn’t. Even if she did - she’s the reason they’re in the mess to being with!!!!!!! I can’t. I just....can’t. 

40:45 - The episode ends right here for me. I know Capshaw and Martin kiss. It makes me want to hurl and I refuse to watch it again. I also know that Capshaw takes the scissors away from Martin. I think their whole dynamic is upsetting and creepy. I’m like 95% sure that Capshaw is a serial killer on the DL. Or at least some sort of psychopath. Martin and Capshaw are both manipulating each other and it’s too stressful to watch. 

I didn’t love this episode. It was a bit all over the place. If you stuck around this long - thank you. I’ll see you guys next week. <3

[missorgana]

like a tattoo kiss

pairing: karolina dean/nico minoru

fandom: marvel’s runaways

rating: general

word count: 4228

warning: swearing

summary: Nico doesn't get nervous. Except around pretty people. Especially around pretty people. (tattoo parlor AU)

(it’s been 84 years... Finally, i am writing!! life and uni has been extremely messy, so i’m just so glad to be creating again uwuu. this was meant for the @augustwritingchallenge but alas... i miss my alien and witch girlies!! thank you to my baby @griffinbellamy for beta reading <333 you are Everything. hope you enjoy this mess!!)

read on ao3

Nico doesn’t get nervous.

Or rather, she’s not the type of person to be nervous. Especially while working.

Her parents weren’t over the moon when she told them what line of work she was aiming for, not that she needs their permission or anything, but they’d warmed up to her internship over time.

Many times she had tried to explain why exactly she liked her art to be expressed through ink on skin, but parents just don’t understand some things. All hail rebellious teenagers, or something.

Amy’s always been supportive, because she’s an angel, Nico thinks, and her sister managed to get them along, somehow.

In the end, they were probably just happy to get her out of the house more.

By a string of luck she had found a local tattoo parlour, well, actually, the city’s best, and they were willing to take her on, along with her best friend, coincidentally.

And the boss kept an eye on her and Alex to make sure they didn’t misbehave, but just like herself, he wasn’t the type to mess around with the things he was passionate about.

They had always been excellent lab partners way back, considered each other their partner in crime, no less.

And over time, they both were allowed to work more freely. Even to the point of taking their own clients, albeit only walk-ins, for now.

This week, a little thing about Nico’s inability to get nervous might be changing, but she only knows that when a walk-in comes along late Friday afternoon.

It’s actually an hour and a half before closing time, that is, and they weren’t expecting much more people besides reservations.

But low and behold, when the bell above the door rings, Nico glances up to the sight of two young people, surely the same age as her and Alex.

And while the guy wears a leather jacket, messy brown hair that she isn’t sure which direction it was meant to go, the girl following behind him has her blonde hair in a braid over her shoulder, and is, unlike her companion, more appropriately dressed for the weather which has been abnormally hot this season.

The stranger tugs the cardigan on her shoulders over her white dress just a little. She looks impatient, poking the guy’s shoulder and saying something low and unintelligible.

Did Alex have to pinch her side to get the attention he wanted? Looks like it, yes.

Because holy shit.

Nico sort of feels like a deer in headlights, which is a joke, this is not anywhere near a situation like that, and a stupid metaphor, anyway.

But her previous string of keeping her cool, not letting her nerves overtake her entire being, is getting, well, thrown out of the window at this moment.

Alex likes to call this her “bisexual panic”. He’s a little bit of an asshole.

Well, they both are, but it doesn’t matter, because if Nico has to hear him tease her about “being a wreck around pretty people” one more time, she might just lose it.

It’s fine. She’s a customer, a civilian like herself, keep it together.

Thing is, this might just be the prettiest girl she’s ever laid her eyes upon. Sounds melodramatic, she knows.

This stranger looks like an extreme polar opposite of herself, in terms of fashion sense, anyway, but it wouldn’t be the first time.

She likes tall people, too.

Also, the blonde turns her head, seemingly surveying the parlour with a skepticism in her eyes that Nico’s seen many, many times, but it doesn’t faze her, because those eyes are the clearest blue possible.

She pushes a strand of hair behind her ear, and Nico notices a small cross hanging around her neck.

Again, not exactly the community she herself hangs around, which might explain why she’s, tragically, never seen this person before now, but Nico’s experienced far too much shit to be judgmental.

“You done staring?” Alex’s voice mumbles on her left side, swiftly passing by to greet the two potential clients.

Guess he’s just earned himself another eyeroll. Or a death stare, maybe.

Her voice of reason gets to her, despite the, ugh, panic, and if she just runs this on their autopilot measure of things, as usual, it’ll all be fine.

Yes, definitely.

This isn’t some fairytale land, Nico tells herself, it’s not like this is your moment finally meeting the love of your life, or whatever, and you’ll live happily ever after.

She’ll most likely never see her again. She’s just very, extremely pretty- no, beautiful. Can’t blame her for being a little dumbfounded, right?

Alex is the kind of person who could make meaningful conversation with a toddler, a parrot, or a brick, if he really wanted to, so Nico’s glad to let him do most of the talking, as always.

He usually explains the basics to the clients, asks them about the design they have in mind (if they have an idea to begin with, that is), and that’s usually when he pulls Nico out from her thoughts, especially in situations like this where there’s more than one customer in the parlour at the time.

Given that their boss has more or less left them in charge of the shop till closing time today, however, she decides to make her way into the conversation herself.

“We’re getting matching tattoos!” the brunette guy tells them eagerly, a smug grin on his face, and judging by the impatience visible on his companion’s face, Nico has a feeling this wasn’t her idea.

She still sports a fond smile, though, despite her still not looking totally convinced of her… friend? partner?’s idea.

Alex nods politely, his customer service smile put on like he owns the place, and makes sure to present her to their soon-to-be canvases, “We’re interns here, Nico and I, but we got plenty of experience, so you’re in safe hands.”

And now, the girl looks directly at her. She might just mentally combust.

Nico has always hated those romantic traditions, and Valentine’s Day, and love at first sight, please, what vomit inducing bullshit.

She has to remember that, especially now, because a way too pretty girl looks at her up and down, very subtle and quick, so much so that it could be missed, but the bright smile she gives her makes her heart jump in her chest.

Nico smiles back, of course. She’s not an asshole.

“This is Chase and Karolina, by the way.” her best friend tells her, because administration, obviously, even though his voice definitely isn’t forgetting her and her panic, but fuck that.

Karolina.

She brushes another lock of hair out of her face, and Nico’s struggling to keep her attention on the transaction. She can’t be like this right now, nope, as sweet as the smile with pink lips staring her in the face is.

“So, you got a design?” Nico then inquires, once the pricing and everything is out in the open, knowing too well Alex will tease her more the longer she stares, and well, doesn’t know what to do with herself, so she might as well get on with it.

“A ‘C+K’ should do it, really, Oh! Can you do a heart?”

And Karolina sticks her tongue out at her companion, but he laughs nonetheless, like he can’t hold it back, bumping her shoulder.

They’re a couple.

Of course.

Nico should’ve seen it coming, she guesses, if she wasn’t so hung up on how pretty this girl was, it should’ve been obvious.

Ugh, it doesn’t even matter, anyway, because there wouldn’t even be a chance.

She’s a customer, she reminds herself, that’s like, the most unprofessional that could be. And even if they weren’t, and even if it was different, Nico could never tell if the girls she liked were into her or not. Or the boys, for that matter.

The partners previously always made the first move on her, which Alex explained by her being the most stubborn person he knows. Whatever.

Without Nico not realising much else conversation, it seems fitting that Alex takes on Chase’s shoulder blade, while her canvas turns out to be Karolina’s upper arm.

Alex and her cleaned the sketch up they brought, their clients both approved, and here they were.

It’s simple, really, a pink heart, with an added arrow through it because Alex likes to turn everything as extravagant as possible. And the initials, of course.

And Nico’s more than used to being close to total strangers like this.

Like, with most areas of the body, even. But those other people weren’t the prettiest girl in the world, so, you know.

And to make matters worse, once Karolina’s seated, and Nico’s sanitized the area, tracing the outline, the too pretty stranger starts talking. She knows this doesn’t sound like a bad thing, but Nico was already nervous, and far from an expert at small talk.

The blonde does seem to know how to lead a conversation.

Because the outline finished, glancing up to make sure the client’s still on it and not chickening out, wouldn’t be the first time, the pretty girl gives her another sweet smile, too sweet, really, and states, “I like the way you work.”

Nico has to blink a few times, because she’s not sure she quite understands what that means. Maybe she’s too used to lewd jokes from her peers that everything turns into an innuendo by now. Fucking hell.

So she opts for a, “You do?” as a reply.

Karolina nods. Gracefully, she has to describe it, not overly excited or eager, though the intention’s definitely there.

“I mean, you looked really concentrated a couple seconds ago. I don’t know. You’re gentle.” and she finishes her sentence with a shrug.

Gentle. Nico has never in her wildest imagination expected someone to associate that term with her. She’s never been called that.

Maybe her insides get a little fluttery. So what?

She’s not a giggling schoolgirl, she can keep her composure, and she does, but hopefully without the coldness she usually goes for when something doesn’t go as expected.

This girl doesn’t deserve that.

And honestly, this is feeling way too intimate way too fast.

The boys are already bantering about whatever video game they’re apparently both into, because, somehow, Alex manages to keep his lines straight while laughing at dumb puns and other ridiculous Alex-things.

Also, can this girl stop staring at her?

If Nico couldn’t control herself as well as she could, she might’ve been blushing. It’s only been ten minutes, come on, now.

Karolina seems a tad more… curious than most of her clients, anyway.

It’s like she’s observing every line she makes, at least, what she can crane her neck enough to follow.

So, inclined to distract herself from the thought of a pretty girl watching her, she asks, without thinking too much, “What are you studying?”

Nico’s got an excuse, cause her wrist is resting on the armrest, fashioned with an university pride bracelet, seriously.

The girl blows a hair away from her nose.

“Philosophy,” she tells her, in a shy, half-embarrassed tone, “Not my parents’ first choice.”

So Nico has to scoff. “Welcome to the club.”

The fact that they can have a laugh at this notion, a proper one, not as loud and bashful as the boys, but fuck them, this is like treading the deep waters of the pool, knowing someone’s holding your hand.

She doesn’t know where that comparison comes from.

…

It’s kind of excruciating, the way the session comes to a both disappointing and long awaited end.

The tattoo’s easy, and Nico’s nonsensical pining, or whatever it is, can’t just last here forever, she knows.

Karolina stayed quiet once they’d established their mutual bond of parents not trusting their decisions, besides the occasional humming, which she probably didn’t even realise she was doing, and offhand remarks to the boys about them being more serious.

The girl had seemed eager to get this thing over with when they came in, but once Nico announced her arm bandaged and in need of rest, she didn’t exactly miss the now anything but eager pout.

It’s not like she said anything, but Nico thinks her reading of people is improving. She’ll convince herself of that, anyway, to support the logic in her head.

The boys had fun, but she didn’t expect any less of Alex.

The fact that he’s made friends with multiple clients, or “established connections”, as he calls it, with the elder ones, seems exhausting to Nico.

She does envy him, though.

At least, she wishes she had that skill set right now, to have gotten a lot more meaningful conversation out of this meeting.

Don’t be fooled, she knows when a crush of hers is off limits, but who knows, maybe they could be friends. Not that they seemed to have much more in common, but, you know.

Karolina just seemed special to her brain, or heart, or whatever.

Doesn’t matter anymore, does it?

Chase proudly shows her their matching marks, which Nico would roll her eyes at if she could, and Karolina laughed with a sigh.

Nico’s got a sense that she’s, still, not all in on this. Too late now, she supposes.

And she’s never understood couple tattoos anyhow, because in Nico’s relatively short life on earth so far, she’s learned that most things come to an end.

It’s not necessarily pessimistic, or at least she tells herself that, because graduating was nice, and then she started an internship, so maybe endings really just mean that you’re ready for beginnings.

Sounds ridiculous when she thinks about it, but maybe they discuss that on Karolina’s philosophy course, who knows.

Besides, seems odd they would do it without mutual approval on both parts.

But of course, Nico doesn’t know these people at all, so who is she to ponder on their relationship?

And so the couple pay their bill, Alex exchanges numbers with Chase, because of course, and Karolina lingers just long enough that Nico suspects she might have something on her mind.

The blonde has a hand on her hip when she says, “He’s ridiculous.”

Nico doesn’t know if it was meant for her ears or the taller girl simply thinks out loud, but none or the less, she’d feel rude not to respond.

“It was nice meeting you guys,” is what’s coming out of her mouth, as casual as possible, emphasis on guys, “and hope you like the tattoo, regardless.”

Karolina scrunches up her nose, which is, um, adorable, like her words were troubling, but she still nods, more than once, “Definitely.”

And the girl looks to the side again, the boys fistbumping and Chase already snapping a picture of his mark. He’s stupidly proud of it, huh.

Nico can’t say he’s unlikable, can she? Maybe that’s part of his charm.

“You coming?”

And Karolina laughs again, sticking her tongue out, but starts moving when he almost bounces out the door, his attention immediately taken by a very important text message, it seems.

“Your art’s gorgeous, Nico.” she says over her shoulder, “See you around, right?”

And it’s said like a matter of fact, a law of nature, as if Karolina had searched for her work on the display walls, carefully eyeing the artist name labels.

She couldn’t have sounded any more sincere.

Nico nods, before she mentally combusts.

And the girl and her flowing dress are out the door in a flash, and if Alex’s laugh is any indication, Nico’s flushing beet red.

Gorgeous.

…

As if she received a small static shock, that’s how the weekend passes by for Nico.

Fast enough that she sits, on Monday, failing to remember anything noteworthy she spent her time with.

Well, she stayed over at Alex’s, since he swore to introduce her to Wolfenstein, whatever that word means. It turned out to be a game about killing nazis, so yeah, her interest was won soon enough.

Not that this is the point or anything. 

The point’s more like in the evening, when the boss has a family emergency and needs them to close up alone, which they are fully capable of, mind you, and a familiar face walks through the door.

It’s not the first time customers have returned, far from it.

Whether it be one of many patrons of the parlour, who they both have been introduced to by now, or the many new friends Alex is so brilliant at making.

Today, though, Alex does show off a knowing smile, but it’s pointed right at Nico, and she kind of wants to pinch him and his ever annoying smugness away.

And he doesn’t even stay to greet their former client or anything. Looks like his plan is to leave her to her own devices, spotting Chase outside and swiftly swinging out the door in one fluid movement.

Asshole.

And well. Nico’s one again faced with this girl, who made her blush too damn much for just one meeting.

Karolina’s wearing blue jeans this time around, and a crop top, damn, she cannot imagine that white leather jacket is giving much warmth on a foggy day like this one.

She waves. Nico has to wave back. It’s not like she was supposed to clean this chair or anything.

Seems like duties are put on hold around the prettiest girl ever.

Her smile comes off shy, but Nico can’t imagine anyone feeling shy around her. Well, she’s come off rather terrifying, more like, to the local school bullies back in primary school.

They made her sick, she had fists, and her all-black wardrobe was certainly helpful in that mission too.

Then, in the thought of punching bullies, Karolina’s in front of her, seemingly, consciously, leaving her some space, which she’s grateful for.

Common decency, Nico supposes, but also, a reminder that this infatuation needs to fade if she wants to remain some form of contact with the blonde.

Her very real, very annoying boyfriend laughs outside. Nico wishes she didn’t sound so bitter.

It’s fine, you know, they’ve met one time.

Nico wants her luck to be different, but since that’s out of the picture, she wants to be her friend. Very badly.

If she could just open her mouth, dammit.

“Hey,” she starts, finally, judging by Karolina’s hesitant silence that she expects her to put out the first word, “Good to see you again. And so soon.”

The last part with a quick laugh, would sound weird, or judgmental, otherwise. Not the perfect second impression.

Is the second impression even a thing?

Karolina chuckles herself, thank god, but squints her eyes a bit and scratches her arm, “The tattoo’s looking nice, I think.”

Nico doesn’t know if there’s a question laced into that statement, but the tall girl shrugs the jacket off just enough for her to view the work, and so she moves a tad closer.

It does look nice. Still needs to heal, extremely fresh, but nice.

Definitely one of the better couple tattoos she’s done, Nico tells herself.

And she nods, and Karolina settles her jacket properly, and that subject is dealt with.

Now what?

Maybe this was all the blonde came to talk to her about. Makes sense, but also, a tiny disappointment settles in Nico’s stomach.

It’s not like she had high expectations though, hell, she didn’t even expect to see her just three days after the meeting.

It seems Karolina meant what she said. See you around.

But that’s just politeness, Nico figures. Artist and client. 

She doesn’t know if she can ever learn from Alex’s mastery of the social art, to be honest. Stupid Alex things.

“So-” the girls find themselves speaking at the same time, and Nico chuckles awkwardly, but the blonde smiles too warmly for it to matter. “You were saying?”

And Nico’s about to answer, only she notices a third person joining Chase and Alex.

A relatively short girl, pushing her glasses up her nose and purple-dyed hair in two small buns.

And she kisses Chase on the cheek. Which, of course, friends do that. Nico and Alex don’t, but then again, they fistbump and shove each other more than anything else.

She can’t help but furrow her brows. It’s probably nothing, she thinks, forget about it.

“I was just thinking, if you wanna see some of my non-tattoo art one day.” Nico shrugs, better make it as casual as possible.

And Karolina’s eyes light up impossibly, and her nose scrunches up again when she smiles. Nico didn’t notice her freckles last time, weirdly.

“I’d love that, Nico!” she says, of course, looking excited and adjusting her ponytail, “I figure Chase wanna show Alex some of his gadgets. Something like that. I don’t know.”

That they can both laugh at. Doesn’t surprise Nico, given that Alex has been honing his coding skills since he was like fifteen.

She wasn’t even surprised when he offered to hack the school system and change her stupid history grades. It’s not like she agreed. But oh, did she consider it.

Nico scratches her neck. She wants to escape the conversation, which she’s experienced too many times to count, but also, she wants to stay there forever. Not that usual.

“Honestly, Alex has been talking about him. A lot.” she tells the blonde with a huff, and she smiles fondly, “Be careful he doesn’t steal your boyfriend.”

Nico’s been organizing the table in front of her during the conversation, it’s natural for her to do something with her hands, especially, well, now that she’s able to be nervous, apparently.

But it’s like something suddenly shifts.

When Karolina doesn’t laugh at her remark, Nico looks up, and the tall girl is frowning.

It looks wrong on her face, even though her nose is still scrunched, just the way it was with that smile a few minutes ago, making her feel these weird flutters somewhere deep in her chest.

So, naturally, Nico’s about to ask if she’s okay, because she’s suddenly terrified she’s said something wrong, or implied what her thoughts, somehow, until, “Chase? My boyfriend?”

Okay, Nico doesn’t really know what to say now.

Given her tone, Karolina’s clearly not comfortable. Maybe she’s ashamed of Chase? But that can’t be it, they got tattoos together, for goodness’ sake.

“Yeah? Sorry, did I say something wrong?”

“Oh, no!” the blonde looks confused, but reaches her arm out, like she’s going to touch Nico’s shoulder, but she doesn’t, “Or I mean, Chase. He isn’t my boyfriend.”

Her tone is stern without being angry. Elegant.

It’s now Nico’s own turn to frown. Shakes her head at herself.

“I’m so sorry.” she says, and tries to form a longer sentence in her head, without sounding desperate, “I didn’t mean to assume anything. I just, well, the tattoo looked like a couples tattoo, is all.”

And she tries a small smile, unsure if this relation’s already gone to hell after a weekend, but luckily, the tall girl’s frown is gone as fast as it appeared, and she’s biting her lip.

Nico’s more relieved than anything that she’s smiling back.

Then Karolina shakes her head, “Chase is an idiot.”

Again, like an unspoken, mutual understanding, they both laugh. Nico cannot for the life of her tell where this conversation is going.

And so the blonde continues, “It was a stupid bet. The tattoo, that is.”

Now, it does take a second, but it clicks in Nico’s brain. This is also new, and she didn’t know she could be more nervous, but here we are.

“I see.” she replies simply, glancing out the glass door, and figuring the bright haired girl out there must be Chase’s girlfriend.

Karolina chuckles. “They’re adorable.”

They’re looking at the same thing, it seems, so Nico can only nod, and wonder, if this is all, and the blonde is going to step out the parlour, and if the misunderstanding will be forgotten or not.

And they stand there for what seems like forever, but Karolina doesn’t leave.

No, she turns back to Nico, licks her lips, and folds her hands in front of her, “I’m sorry. I mean, God, I must be bad at flirting.”

Flirting?

This is going a little too fast for her. And now Karolina looks nervous too, but continues, impressively not stumbling over her words, “I mean, boys aren’t my thing. I-uh, I wasn’t sure if I should come, but Chase insisted I should make a move.”

Nico knows what’s going on. And she can’t say Alex was wrong when he said the blonde was “totally into her”, despite her very concerned, real protests about the very real boyfriend. Or well, very not real, it turns out.

So, instead of thinking of the nerves still sitting right beneath her skin, Nico lifts an eyebrow, trying to make sure what’s happening isn’t some imaginary dream scenario that’ll end in a blink.

“A move?”

The tall girl shrugs, biting her lip again. “Please tell me if this is crossing the line. I just…. you’re very pretty, is all.”

That’s fucking adorable.

“You think I’m pretty?” Nico replies, feeling her smile grow too stupidly bright. It’s not long before the girl in front of her mimics it.

Fuck, Nico, you’re going soft.

Alex is going to tease her for weeks after this. But she’ll worry about that later.

[kevindayprotectionsquad]

as someone who loves neil and andrew i do not hate aaron at all i'm new to the fandom and only just got the books. i'm still on the first book. but why do so many people hate aaron? all the characters have their flaws all the characters have their good parts that's what make them all human. so i guess what i'm asking is why does aaron get so much hate? it seems unjustified and cruel. no ones perfect. thanks for reading all this! have a good weekend

I’m going to try to answer this without being too controversial, and without being too spoilery since you haven’t read the entire series. This is something that has low key bothered me about the aftg fandom for a while, and sometimes I scream into the void about it. These are just some observations and opinions I’ve made over time. This is by no means directed towards any certain person or blog, y’all are obviously allowed to think and process the books however y’all want. That’s what makes books so fun.

Don’t get me wrong, I also love Andrew and Neil. I was cheering them on when I read the series the first time, and I loved catching little hints I missed the first time when I reread. I enjoy the majority of the content about them on here. I think they’re story is interesting. However, that doesn’t mean I excuse or condone some of their actions. I’ll get deeper into that in a second.

The reason I think people dislike/hate Aaron so much is because of two canon things that I’ve connected to what people are saying about Aaron. One being his reactions to Nicky at times, and two being a scene in the Kings Men (I’ll try to be as spoiler free for you since you haven’t gotten to it yet). These get him labeled and reduced down to a homophobic asshole. Here’s where I think it’s gets controversial. I, personally (meaning if you disagree, that’s fine, I totally understand and see your point), don’t think Aaron is homophobic. Here’s why : Almost immediately into meeting Nicky, it’s obvious he’s meant to be the flamboyant gay stereotype. He’s thirsting all over Neil, and making honestly inappropriate comments to and about Neil. Every time he does, Aaron has something to say like, “can you not be so disgusting”. In my mind, that’s a pretty valid thing to say, and not homophobic. Nicky is not only making Neil uncomfortable, but literally everyone else as well. Nicky is Aaron’s cousin, so I’m sure he feels a little more comfortable calling him out on his bullshit than if it was someone else. I think he would be disgusted by this display no matter what. The way I understand Aaron is that he keeps his romantic life on the down low. Not just from his teammates and family, but from everyone. He just doesn’t strike me as the one comfortable with excessive PDA. Secondly, the one I see brought up the most, and one I think is a little misunderstood, is the scene in the Kings Men (again, trying to be as vague as possible, but it may get a little spoilery) where Aaron confronts Neil. I want to say that I totally and completely understand why people don’t like this scene, and don’t like Aaron because of this scene. The reason why I think it’s misunderstood, is because it’s a very, very emotionally charged conversation. Aaron says some harsh things to Neil that are intended to be homophobic and hurtful, but I think Aaron did that on purpose to get a rise out of Neil, and figure out his true intentions were with Andrew. Aaron and Andrews relationship is so fragile as is, and then Neil is thrown into the mix messing it up more. So, Aaron rightfully doesn’t trust him. Aaron wants to protect Andrew from Neil, because in Aaron’s head, Neil is all kinds of danger. Another reason I think this, is because of Aaron’s up bringing. He didn’t have the best role models, and wasn’t taught to appropriately convey his feelings without saying hurtful things. I think this scene gets used against Aaron the most, because he says these harsh things, but the why he he said it is lost. Again, it was a super emotional conversation for him, and when tempers flair, things get said that might not be the most appropriate. That doesn’t just go for Aaron, but for literally everyone. I know I have said some hurtful things when upset, but that doesn’t make me a terrible, horrible person. I was just upset, and said whatever I could that would get a rise out of the person. And I really think that’s the case here. Another thing I’ve sort of notice about how the fandom perceives Aaron, is that he lacks sympathy or isn’t very understanding of Neil’s situation or of Neil and Andrews relationship. Aaron does not like Neil. Like at all. Which is fair. I wouldn’t either if I was in his shoes. Neil drags the entire team through some shit, and Aaron is there for it. He wants the truth of the situation, so they can figure out a solution as a team. When Neil is injured, Aaron flinches and is appalled by them. He might not out right sympathize for Neil, but he is human, and his teammate went through some shit, and he can understand and feel bad for Neil in that way. As for Neil and Andrew, Aaron’s not the biggest fan of. Mostly because he doesn’t trust who Neil is. Neil is a liar and a runaway, who is hard to trust, and is getting with his brother. So of course he’s not the biggest fan of him. Are we always fond of our siblings SOs??? No! I think people focus too much on Neil being a dude vs. Neil being a lying asshole when it comes to Aaron’s dislike for him.

Another thing that bothers me about the general aftg fandom is that they hate Aaron for being a homophobic asshole (for reasons stated above), but can pardon/forget/downsize Andrews actions. First and foremost being him carrying and pulling knives on people. I carry a knife, but I’ve never pulled it on someone, because THATS NOT NORMAL! That’s terrifying, and should not be normalized. Andrew, more than once, has pulled a knife and/or threatened people he is supposed to be close to, including Neil, Nicky, and (the one that bothers me the most) Kevin. He also says some harsh things to people/teammates, and tries to cause harm to others, all under the disguise of protecting his people. (Not to mention his over all relationship with Kevin.) It’s fine that he’s trying to protect his people, but more often than not he takes it too far. I think these thing sort of get excused, because Andrew is already a perceived psycopath, but that’s not a good enough reason as a fandom to be okay with it. This might be controversial to say, but I think in some cases (not all by any means) is the fetishization of mlm relationships in media. All of Andrews (and Neils for that matter) flaws and dangerous actions get over looked for “uwu andrew is only soft for neil and has to protect him!!!” And the actuality of their relationship gets ignored just because they’re male characters kissing. And since Aaron is a straight character who doesn’t trust/like Neil, he’s immediately bad and the enemy. When in all actuality, I don’t think Aaron has a issue with Andrew being gay, his issue is Andrew choosing Neil.

So, in summary, is Aaron an asshole? Yes. Absolutely. BUT so are Andrew, Neil, Nicky, and Kevin. Is it fair Aaron gets more hate than the others? Not in my opinion!

[sugar-petals]

Can u do a reading on how to attract bts? Thank you

the tarot was talkative for that one 😄 i’m used to doing love readings

PS: i pulled a card of the goddess guidance oracle for each member showing what energy is needed to attract them.

Yoongi: TEN OF CUPS

yoongi is one hell of a sucker… for all things romance and the thought of a happy family. if you are an unapologetic love bird on duty, yoongi will make moves, i guarantee it. he wants the rose-colored glasses and all the cheesy things. if you express the romance outside that he feels inside, things will naturally match up like magnets. you don’t have to worry about your fantasies being up in the clouds, yoongi is pragmatic enough to ground you at the end of the day. the ten of cups tells me he isn’t looking for a fling, but long-term soulmates. he wants to be caring toward a partner and potential kids so he has to be sure it’s the right place and point in time. yoongi seeks reliability and strings attached. i know many people speculate he’s the type for one night stands when he gets too desperate, the card however says he’s anticipating something bigger. if someone looks like a distraction to him, he won’t be interested. he won’t go for temporary relief because there’s a major goal he pursues, and he’s all in.

⟶ goddess card: hathor — receptivity. “allow yourself to receive. this will increase your intuition, energy, and ability to give to others.”

Hoseok: STRENGTH

self-explanatory — you can attract him with confidence and bravery. a big and jovial presence is what hoseok is looking for. he prefers you to initiate. self-doubt repels him, he needs you to be in control. a self-assured presence will make him say yes to getting asked out. in a more literal way: you see a woman gently stroking a lion’s mane/face on the card. he is looking for a partner who’s down for plenty of cuddles and PDA, especially on the giving side. he really loves to be pampered. given that it’s a lion she caresses: it’s about having the courage to talk to him and seeing hoseok’s soft side, opposite to his bold, beastmode stage image. he likes the idea of being tamed. visually, since the woman is blonde i feel he might be attracted to that hair color, dyed or natural. since we talk strength, he is easy to woo by someone muscular. as for zodiac signs, obviously all the leo guys and gals are hoseok’s best bet.

⟶ goddess card: athena — inner wisdom. “you know what to do. trust your inner wisdom, and take appropriate action without delay.”

Jungkook: EIGHT OF CUPS

you cut toxic ties and step out into a new emotional life with him — that shows jungkook that you are ready to commit. a heavy past burdening you as a couple is his greatest fear. so, to attract him, being with you has to be an appeal of some kind of fresh start. even a second chance, in fact. what matters a lot to jungkook as well is having a sense of guidance. you have to be very clear with him that you will genuinely stick around. the eight of cups talks about abandonment and loneliness so i mark that down as either your or his vulnerable spot. jungkook is more than ready to overcome this as long as he has your loyalty. seeing the card pop up in this context also tells me that jungkook might be quite weary about love. attracting him might be somewhat difficult because his emotions are heavily guarded or he easily discards feelings. it’s a matter of rebuilding trust and a lot of healing. chances are he’s not ready yet or has to walk away from a past attachment first. i get a sense that one partner requires a lot of patience before things get started.

⟶ goddess card: oonagh — easy does it. “there’s no need to hurry or force things to happen. everything is occurring in perfect timing.”

Taehyung: SEVEN OF SWORDS

a mischievous charm is like moths to the flame with him. tease him and you’ll go far with tae, he likes that. the seven of swords is a sly card that indicates cunning; you see a guy stealing swords from a battlefield. so what it tells me is that you have to be a smartass and know your way with words. let’s face it, you’re loco as hell for that guy, you’d steal the declaration of independence. i see the stealthiness as a sign of wanting to ‘get away with’ taehyung literally, as in sneaking off to make out somewhere. he loves the daring element of doing that. risk and secrecy turns him on. it’s not going to be some random romance either, whoever captures his interest has an actual strategy in mind to get close to him. basically the same as in namjoon and hoseok’s reading, you initiate. it could also be like in your stereotypical teen comedy movie where the person is too shy to be upfront with their crush so they devise a plan to get together. 

⟶ goddess card: guinevere — true love. “the romantic stirrings in your heart have propelled the universe to deliver great love to you.”

Namjoon: EIGHT OF PENTACLES

there’s no way around it, you have to be extremely close to his most personal of projects. he tends to be by himself a lot in the studio. it’s not you attracting namjoon, namjoon has to attract you into his intimate sphere of work. it’s likely not a fan he’s gonna date at this point in time, it feels too remote for him. someone knee-deep in the kpop industry is a better match. he’ll consider such a union because the person has to really understand where he’s coming from and how much he sacrifices for his career. or actually, how focused he is carrying bts on his shoulders. the person who respects him as productive and the leader has a chance to get into his heart. the card — there’s a guy doing woodwork on it — also tells me he might want to date a business person or someone who is a talented master builder when it comes to handcrafts. so, to get the relationship going we need two moneymakers, the eight of pentacles is a good card to bring that energy about.

⟶ goddess card: sedna — infinite supply. “you are supplied for today and all of your tomorrows.”

Seokjin: DEATH

oh man. you gotta be a big deal. with the death card i know that out of all members, jin is the hardest to faze. he scrutinizes up close who wants to mingle with his private life, his priorities are all sorted out. there is no bullshit going on. so, only someone knowing every trick in the book will catch his eye. a partner who’s older and/or highly experienced for sure. the death card also talks about non-discrimination — as in, nobody is exempt from death — so it might be someone from a different social class, country, or belief system that he feels drawn to. your background and looks won’t be jin’s criteria. personality and intent comes first, not keeping up appearances. it’ll transform the public big time if jin out of all people pulls such a move and spits in the face of prejudice. note that the card also symbolizes endings, so he might attract someone at the end of his career or either party’s end of another relationship.

⟶ goddess card: sige — silence. “take some quiet time alone to rest, meditate, and contemplate.”

Jimin: NINE OF PENTACLES

show off your sophisticated clothes and spoil him. jimin will take definite note of it. whatever affluence and abundance you have to display — e.g. a supple figure, a generous amount of money, valuable property, a knack for cooking — it will bring him close to you. sugar baby jimin likes all things lavish and wants an elegant partner to link arms with. the card also has a little falcon sitting on a woman’s hand (symbolizing life purpose in traditional tarot, you wanna have that one figured out because jimin likes people with a direction), it tells me that you can easily endear jimin if you have a pet. given that jimin is a feline magnet despite his allergy, you bet that he gravitates toward a cat lover. or, in a wider sense, a cat person to his dog person. since the card is also about nature/harvest: he might be interested in you if you have gardening skills lmao! i’m not kidding, if you take good care of interiors and plants you have his respect.

⟶ goddess card: abundantia — prosperity. “the universe is pouring its abundance out to you. be open to receiving.”

[jetsetlife138]

Smut Prompt Request

29. “If you cant sleep…then how about we have sex?”

31. “Don’t kink shame me.”

66. “Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. that’s cute.” Warnings: Playful banter, vaginal sex, riding, sexually assertive reader For: @areallyoldblog​

“Can’t you just pretend to sleep?” you asked, extremely annoyed.

“That seems to be an incredible waste of my time,” Beetlejuice commented candidly, adding to your frustration. As tired as you were, your mind wouldn’t allow you to rest. It was uncomfortable having Beetlejuice there awake and watching you as you tried to sleep. You had only noticed his presence moments before after shifting your body in your bed and turning around to get into a more comfortable position, only to find him lying in the bed next to you, staring intently at you. “And creepily staring at me while I’m trying to sleep isn’t a waste of your time?” you countered sharply. He snickered at your sassy comment and turned, laying on his back and placing his arms behind his head to gaze at the ceiling.

You sighed loudly and also turned your attention to the ceiling, tracing the intricate patterns scattered across it with your eyes, which finally allowed you to start to drift off to sleep. 

“What’s sex like nowadays?” he asked, breaking the silence, and bringing you back from the brink of rest.

Turning towards him, you stared wide-eyed in disbelief. “Excuse me?”

“Sex, babe. What’s it like?”

“Give me a fucking break,” you scoffed. “You know what sex is.”

“Well… duh, I obviously know what sex is. That’s not what I asked. I want to know what it’s like to have sex now. What kinds of new tricks have breathers come up with to make it more interesting in the last century?”

Propping yourself up on your pillow, you stared at him skeptically. “Are you telling me that you haven’t had sex in over a century? That’s impossible.”

He didn’t move. He just continued to stare upward from his bed. “I’m a ghost, sweetness. I don’t have access to a physical body unless I’m summoned, which, as you know, isn’t often. Sex isn’t a common pastime in the Netherworld like it seems to be here.”

“Bullshit,” you accused. “You’re trying to tell me that ghosts don’t get their freak on with each other? Not even out of sheer boredom? And even if that weren’t the case, you have been summoned before. Why didn’t you just have sex then?”

“Sex isn’t typically the first thing on my agenda when the rare occassion presents itself to cross over into your world,” he countered defensively.

“Okay, so… then why are you thinking about it now?”

He paused, taking longer than usual to respond, which unnerved you. “Well, we’re just laying here without any form of entertainment, and if I’m being honest, I’m bored. I thought that maybe now would be a good time to experience it. If you cant sleep… then how about we have sex?”

It took you a moment to realize what he was saying in your exhausted state of mind. “Are you seriously suggesting that we should have sex because you’re bored?”

“I mean,” he began, shrugging his shoulders. “Yeah.”

“Absolutely not!” you insisted, raising your voice. “After all of the shit you’ve put me through, you seriously expect me to just push all of that aside so you can experience sex? Fuck you! If you want sex, I’m sure there’s a someone out there desperate enough to oblige you.” “Ah, she’s playing hard-to-get. that’s cute,” he said to himself. “Oh, come on. After all we’ve been through? You can’t tell me that you’re even just a little bit curious?”

Ignoring his question and rolling your eyes, you changed the subject. “I doubt that sex has changed at all since the last time you’ve had it,”

“Oh, so you still use suspension from the weight of a horse while your partner chokes you with their corset string?” You gawked at him, not knowing if he was serious or not. “Hey, don’t kink shame me. Apparently, that’s outdated. But lemme tell you, back in the day, that rocked my fucking world.” 

“You’re disgusting,” you scoffed, rolling over so that you were facing away from him once more. Apparently that did nothing to deter him, because merely seconds later, you felt him press against you as he spooned you in the dark. “Come on, babe. Pretty please? I can feel how pent up you are. Let me help.” Huffing in annoyance, you contemplated the consequences of actually sleeping with Beetlejuice. On the one hand, you’d be fucking a demon, and it could be super hot. On the other hand, not only could that potentially lead to eternal damnation, but it would give Beetlejuice the satisfaction of knowing he had successfully seduced you, and you weren’t sure if that was something that you could live with. While you continued to debate with yourself, his hand started to creep along your side, dipping down to slide under your shirt and reach up to your breasts, toying with your hardening peaks. Squirming under his touch, he pressed his lips to your ear and mumbled a soft, “Hmm?” He was still waiting for approval before continuing any further. Groaning, you snapped, “Fine, Beetlejuice, fuck me. But make it quick, I’m tired. No foreplay.” “What?! But how am I supposed to--” “I mean it,” you emphasized. “Just put it in. Come on, let’s go.” “Yes ma’am,” he replied, his tone elated, despite the fact that this was a quickie. Granted, it wasn’t that you weren’t the romantic type. If you weren’t so tired, you would probably really enjoy lengthy foreplay with Beetlejuice, but now that the seal was broken, you were confident that you would get to experience it at some point soon. Right now, you just needed a good fuck. Forcefully, he flipped you over so that you were facing upward before he tore your panties off of your body, throwing them to the side. Reaching into his pants, he pulled out his weeping length and gave it a few pumps before leaning over you and lining himself up. Once more, he met your eyes and asked, “You sure, doll?” “Don’t make me cast you back into the Netherworld,” you warned, getting more impatient by the minute. Chuckling darkly, he then pressed into you, his girth stretching you open as he continued. “Ooh, fuck, babe. You’re tight. Christ, how long’s it been?” “Shut up, Beetlejuice.” You had intended to sound annoyed, but instead it came off as needy, which he very much enjoyed. Once he was completely sheathed inside of you, he paused for a moment to let you adjust. “You good?” he asked, biting his bottom lip, showing his obvious strain to keep from pummeling into you. “Yeah… wait-- actually, hang on a second. Switch with me.” His eyes widened as you propped yourself up on your elbows, reaching for his shoulders as he spun you around so that he was on his back and you were straddling him. “On top is how I always imagined you,” he teased, lifting up his hips harshly for emphasis, causing you to yelp at the sensation. “Come on, sweetness. Use me.” You pressed a finger to his lips and started to shift your hips, grinding and gyrating only slightly at first, but then you quickly picked up the pace. Choking on your own breath, you slammed down on his thick cock as you grazed your clit against the fabric of his pants, earning a delicious stimulation that you chased after with each thrust of your hips. “I-I’m close, babe,” he warned. “You almost there?” Nodding your head, you closed your eyes, wracking your cunt against him as you continued to ride him into oblivion, chasing after your high. It didn’t take long for you to reach your peak, moaning shamelessly into the air as your juices gushed out, your cunt spasming around his cock, bringing him over the edge as well. His cold seed painted your cervix as he emptied himself inside of you, crying out your name over and over again with each heavy spurt. Once you started to come down, you collapsed on top of him, rolling onto his side and nestling yourself into the crook of his arm. “Holy shit,” he mumbled, trying to catch his breath. “That was fucking fantastic. Wanna go again?” When you didn't respond, he gazed down and laughed to himself once he saw that you were already sound asleep. 

[himbowelsh]

Could you please do Robert Leckie for the Valentine’s asks? Thank you :)

valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

Bob is particular about physical affection in general (see EMBRACE below), so his ways of showing affection tend to be more subtle. He’s not above bribing people bringing people gifts, if he feels like he needs to secure their affection; he’s also a very intent listener with a genuine interest in people, and his compassion works to his advantage when loved ones are opening up to him. People feel seen when Bob listens to them  ---  and he doesn’t forget what they say.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Bitch doesn’t know the first damn thing about flowers. He’ll rock up somewhere with a lone flower obviously picked from the bush in the front yard and think he’s smooth. Banned from three flower shops in the state of New Jersey, but that’s a different story.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

“I’m not a fan of chocolate,” he says, deadpan, while literally digging through a box of Russel Stover. He loves the ones with nuts.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Hey, he’ll go classic, take someone out to dinner  ---   but he’s going to make it good. Bob will find a way to scatter surprises throughout the night, either by ordering a special dessert when his date’s in the bathroom, or taking the long way around on the way home so they can catch some fireworks in the local park. Bob wants to give his dates something to remember by the end of the night   ---   something more than the very memorable parting kiss on the doorstep.

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

He pretends to be casual with physical affection, but it’s really quite significant for him. Bob is careful with how he holds himself, very conscious of his own body language; he likes to portray himself a certain way, and that Bob Leckie hands out back slaps like it’s nothing. Privately, though, he doesn’t like to be touched much. Bob will invite physical affection only when he really needs it, and then he tends to be a clingy hugger. If he’s actively seeking out physical affection from someone else, it’s his way of admitting he feels vulnerable.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Could teach a master class in flirting  ---   not that the lessons would be good, or the advice useful, but he absolutely believes he’s that smooth. The worst part is, he kind of is? Maybe it’s the cute smile, maybe it’s the wit, but Bob has a way of charming women. He’s talented with his mouth in more ways than one. His method of flirting is wit, good looks, and a bit of irresistible charm. (He’s such a lad, he picks a girl flowers from her own garden, don’t date him, dON’T---)

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

Hmm. He’s...  a very determined gift-giver, who utilizes the resources at hand. He’s not going to import the perfect gift from another country, but he’ll pay attention to what people want in the moment, and try his best to obtain it for them. Gift giving is a double-edged sword for Bob. He’s naturally generous, and really enjoys giving gifts...  but part of that satisfaction comes from the gratitude of people around him, and the feeling that he’s a bit more important to them. That, by making them happy in this moment, he stands out in their minds a bit more. (We stan a boy who wasn’t hugged enough as a child!)

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

He rushes into it quicker than he should. When Bob falls in love, he goes beyond the person themselves  ---  he falls in love with the fantasy. The life they could have, the life he imagines he wants with them...  and this fantasy isn’t always grounded in reality, but he wants it so badly in the moment. He takes love as deeply as he takes rejection, and his heart is as easily won as broken.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

He’s so casual about it. While walking out the door, a quick kiss on the cheek, “Love you.” While slipping into bed and turning off the light, “’Night, love you.” While looking at a meal his partner’s cooked, “Wow, I love you.” He even teases with it sometimes...  but this affected casualness is all a way of hiding how much he means it, how much he loves just getting to love someone, and being loved back. By saying it so often, that makes it concrete  ---   maybe that’ll make it last forever. There’s no denying how much delight he gets in saying it, though.

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Very, very jealous, in ways that can sometimes be ugly. He...  does not like to feel like his partner’s attention is slipping. This will result in one of his patented Bob Leckie Attention Grabs. He might actually pick a fight, just to get his partner’s full attention on him once more; he’ll brood and pout and be cross for several days, until his partner finally forces him to sit down and talk it out. He just...  worries, is all. Not in a way where he’ll invade his partner’s privacy, but he will make it a Big Goddamn Deal when it doesn’t have to be.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

He gets into it very quickly, and is determined to please. Bob approaches kissing like a dance; if two bodies don’t find the right rhythm, they can’t really hit it off, can they? His hands move all over, getting the feel of his partner’s body, but he otherwise stays very still. His mouth is active, impetuous, nipping their lips and teasing them with his tongue as though eager to claim them. If he can win a noise from them  ---   either a sigh or a gasp  ---   it feels like a victory.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

He likes himself a whole lot, but also hates himself, so it’s weird. He loves...  gah, it’s a hard question. Shouldn’t be, but it is. Once Bob decides to let himself care for someone, he cares about them very deeply. He loves his friends, the group he’s been through so much with  ---  they’re probably the closest people to him, just because they accept him, bugs and all. 

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

He comes alive at night; Bob is, unfortunately, a night owl. And also a morning person. If he’s awake, he tends to be annoyingly awake, and is up for getting weird at any hour of the day.

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

He’s got a lot of enthusiasm. Technique? Finesse? Not so much, but Bob puts in the effort, okay? He’s very sensual, focused on enjoying himself in the moment  ---  the bedroom is one of the few places Bob can get out of his own head   ---   but it doesn’t quite work when you get turned on that quickly, Bob. His problem is that he’s lowkey always horny (which explains...  58% of his character) so when he finally gets to rock ‘n roll, sometimes he rolls before he can get rocking. Not his fault, not every time, it just...  happens. He makes up for it by being a generous lover who’s very good with his mouth, and can move his tongue in ways that would get a nun trembling. Bob’s patient. When he’s not focused on his own pleasure, he can drag his partner’s out for hours, drawing them up to the brink multiple times before pulling them back. He enjoys hearing them moan, feeling them squirm against him, just knowing that he’s the cause of all of it...  and, when they finally are allowed to go over the edge, he loves nothing more than to watch.

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

Annoyingly so. He’s very good at stringing words together, in a way that dances on just the right side of pretentious; when he wants to reach someone’s soul, he can hit a perfect heartfelt note, winning them over. He’s tried his hand at poetry before, but love poetry is well and truly beyond his talent, so please don’t let him try. It’s laughably bad.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Someone who can put up with his bullshit.  No, okay, he’d lowkey need someone with the patience of a saint. Someone...  grounded, for all the times he isn’t; someone with a clear head, who can look at a situation from an objective angle and give their take on it. He’d like someone capable of expressing themselves eloquently, maybe someone who doesn’t hold back their emotions. Someone sympathetic. Someone who listens, but who can tell a story that keeps people engaged. If they can talk him out of his brooding moods, they’re his greatest ally. If they’ll read his writing and offer opinions (even critiques), he’ll be head over heels.

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

No, don’t worry. He’s going to ask. Bob might actually ask too soon, before the relationship is really there yet. He doesn’t take being told to slow his roll well, but when his partner points out that they’ve only been dating for six months and there are things they still don’t know about each other, he’s forced to see reason. At least, something close to reason; he keeps the ring in his desk drawer, waiting for “a rainy day” that will inevitably arrive sooner or later.

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

A self-proclaimed cynic, disgusted by his own romantic longings. Someone please exorcise him.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

Leckie was a flirt from the day he realized he could fast-talk people; he always had charm, even as a little kid, and it won over plenty of people. Little Bob craved attention, and sought it out from his teachers, who encouraged him; and his classmates, who either loved or hated him. He had about...  three elementary school girlfriends. None of them lasted long.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

Please. He may fantasize about a picture-perfect romance, but he’s not naive, okay? Pssh.

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

Well...  Stella sure didn’t feel good. It wasn’t as though Bob was head-over-heels in love with her; he just thought he was, and had already moved to the stage of fantasizing about their children. He wanted that life, with a family who loved him, people who cared for him and wanted him around...  Mama Karamanlis was nothing like his own mother, and actually made him feel wanted. Maybe he was in love with that, more than Stella, but losing her felt like losing a rib. And knowing it was because she didn’t think he’d make it back? Let’s just say there were a few moments after that where Bob didn’t want to make it back.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

He has an actual hatred for it. Genuine vitriol. It’s weird, because Valentine’s Day has had...  legit no impact on his life so far. It’s done nothing to him. He just insists it’s a commercialized garbage day, and refuses to go out on principle.

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

He...  I mean, yeah. It’s definitely something he wants. He’s got it all planned out  ---  nice house, successful career, doting spouse, two or three kids...  of course, life’s never that simple, he knows that, but it’s what he wants. The fantasy is Bob’s problem. He’s bound to be dissatisfied with actual married life, or even the idea of marrying a particular partner, until that ideal is shattered. It’ll hurt like losing a limb, but in the end, reality is sometimes better than a dream.

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

Oh yeah, and he’s gross about it. “Darling”, “honey”, “sweetheart”, just to see his partner blush...  or roll their eyes at him. Either works. He thinks he’s adorable.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Yes! Same with jealousy  ---  sometimes Bob will jump to conclusions, and it’s just like, “slow your roll there, marine”. He’s an overthinker, but he’s also quick with his fists, which is a dangerous combination. When he sees a situation that’s definitely not right (i.e. someone he cares about is blatantly being made uncomfortable, or is in danger)  he will step in. No hesitation, suddenly he’s just there, with a gleam of challenge in his eyes and a biting remark on the tip of his tongue. If he can’t diffuse the situation with a few words...  well, he’s prepared to get punched in the face for someone else’s sake.

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

He doesn’t exactly sleep around, but again  ---  he’s a flirt. He’s popular, with ladies especially. Several back in Jersey, of course Stella in Melbourne, and he wasn’t exactly getting anything in the Army hospital, but after he gets home...  he’s not above sleeping with coworkers, either, so the news office has gotten a little awkward at times.  5 - 6 partners, good for him.

[enbyleighlines]

This is going to be a jumbled mess, but I’ve been thinking about the symbolism in sarazanmai all day and I need to vent

Okay so there is so much to unpack in this show

The first thing that really confused me from the very beginning was... why the butt stuff? Like, butts are an extremely prevalent theme in the show. But why?

I mean, obviously there’s a lot of metaphors about anal sex going on. The show is rife with phallic imagery, with the opening scene where that phallic looking building rises up between three interlocking circles, obscuring our view of the middle one, so that it looks like a dick with balls

There’s the cucumbers, an undeniably phallic vegetable

And of course, the shirikodama. It’s a mythical organ that resides inside a human’s anus, and stores human desire. I certainly can’t be the first person to realize, uh... sounds like a prostrate, yo. Y’know, the male g-spot?

Which makes the shirikodama extraction scenes so... disturbing, when you think about it

They defeat villains... by diving into their anus, and tearing out their shirikodama

And if this is a metaphor for anal sex... well, why is it so violent?? It reminds me of yurikuma arashi, where the metaphor for cunnilingus is... bears literally eating people alive

(Or, alternatively, licking honey off of a flower)

It portrays the sex as a violent act. Which could tread into problematic territory since these are both sexual acts that are associated with gay sex

But then again, that’s the whole point in yurikuma arashi, which deconstructs the predator lesbian myth. In media, a woman’s sexual desire for another women is often depicted as predatory, dangerous, or filthy. That’s why Ginko and Lulu are depicted as villains in the start of the anime, but then the script flips, and we realize that they aren’t villainous at all

No, the real villain was the silent storm (aka homophobia) the whole time!

(I could go into a whole other spiel about Ikuhara’s obsession with the distinction between lust and love. Because homosexual desire is always treated as a topic of lust, not a topic of love. And, society says, if you REALLY love someone, you won’t corrupt them with your dirty sexual desires.)

Buuuut without getting too off track, let’s return to sarazanmai

Because I was confused why a metaphor for anal sex was portrayed LIKE THAT in this anime. It’s not just that it’s violent, because that’s not really the focus

It’s primarily portrayed as... comedic

Yes, the absurdity of the scene is certainly what caught my attention first, but beyond sheer shock value, you have to admit that this image is extremely funny

It’s FUNNY to see a villain get defeated, on their hands and knees, like this

And that always unnerved me. Why portray anal sex as something so... funny? And then episode 10 hit, and I think I get it

Because Mabu, as a kappa zombie, doesn’t fight kappa Reo. He doesn’t even face Reo. From the very beginning, he is facing away from Reo, and offering up his shirikodama. From a plot standpoint, this is because Mabu WANTS Reo to see his desires

But it also shifts the tone of the process

This scene is not played for humor. This is sad. This is Mabu admitting defeat, knowing that his true feelings will never come across to Reo unless he completely sacrifices everything. Because he knows, once Reo retrieves his shirikodama, he will die

No, worse than that. He will be erased

That’s another thing that was initially played for laughs. The first one that comes to mind is Otone’s boyfriend. We never get to learn or care about this character, and we later learn that he’s basically a womanizer with no intention of settling for only one girlfriend. When Otone forgets about him, it’s not a sad thing. I mean, she’s better off without him anyway, right?

But when Mabu is forgotten... we realize how horrifying this process really is. They’re erased, and exiled from the circle (aka society)

And it’s about now that I started to realize just why this metaphor bothers me so much. It’s about WHY we think of the image of the zombie kappa on his knees is so amusing

It’s because we’re taught that anal sex is funny

Think of however many insults we have. “Get bent”, “kiss ass”, “get fucked”... and then there’s “sucker”, which implies someone who gives blowjobs

None of these are inherently gay. They could be read as sexist, because the problem about them is that they’re all about the submissive partner. To be bent over, to receive anal sex, to perform fellatio... it means performing “the woman’s role” in the bedroom

Or think about prison rape jokes. “Don’t drop the soap”, or “he’ll make you his bitch”. The shame comes from being the submissive partner, from being feminized

And that’s... homophobia, folks

The image of a monster on his hands and knees, receiving metaphorical anal sex, is funny because of... homophobia...

Which is a brilliant way to turn the audience’s thoughts back on themselves. The first time, it’s funny, but by the time we get to Mabu... suddenly it’s tragic. And it’s supposed to be that way. Because now the audience realizes that it really wasn’t funny. I mean, we were supposed to find it funny at first, only for Ikuhara to yank back the cape and go “ta-da!! you thought that was funny because of HOMOPHOBIA”

And I might be wrong, but, when we think about all the kappa zombies... weren’t they all subs, too? All of them, with their various kinks... all of their desires were heterosexual in nature, but in their fantasy scenes, they were all playing the part of a submissive partner. The man who wanted the woman to step on his balls, the guy who liked to be treated like a cat...

The only obvious exception is Otone’s boyfriend, tho I also don’t remember what his specific fantasy was about

And then their fetishes are revealed, and then... poof. They disappear. They are wiped clean from existence

Which is basically every queer person’s fear about coming out, about their desires being found out... their desires will be seen as funny, as a joke, and then they will get booted out of all social circles

BUT I’M NOT DONE

This metaphor goes further

Because when we talk about submission, we can’t not talk about the other side of submission, the nonsexual part. What does nonsexual submission look like?

Well, we tend to call that “letting yourself be vulnerable”, which is what you need to do in order to build friendships. It’s the very thing that keeps the three main boys from making connections. They don’t want to be vulnerable. They don’t want to share their secrets to each other

We’re right back at the theme of connection

Because, contrary to what Ikuhara’s shows might claim, there doesn’t have to be such a huge divide between love and lust, connection and desire. It’s just, that’s what society wants us to believe

Like Mabu can only stay with Reo if he refuses to admit that he loves him, romantically. He’s allowed a platonic relationship with Reo, or no relationship with Reo. And when he admits it, when he prostrates himself (wonderful idiom, by the way, since it’s so apt to this situation), when Mabu makes himself vulnerable and submissive... he disappears. Mabu is forgotten, because he chose desire over love

Or at least, the type of love that society deems love. Because homosexual desire is incompatible with love

Except, of course, we know that’s bullshit. Ikuhara knows that’s bullshit. And that’s why he parodies these lessons in his shows, and portrays them with such absurd metaphors. Because these lessons we’re taught ARE absurd, they’re pure fiction

Sometimes it just takes us to look at these issues through abstract symbolism for us to realize that

[pinballwitxh]

the mentees - part 1 (eggsy unwin x oc)

summary: a seasoned kingsman agent witnesses eggsy’s last test and sends him off with some advice. budding feelings between the two are even more intense as both witness the death of harry hart and turn to each other for comfort.

warnings: just a sh*t ton of violence and cussing cause, ya know, this is kingsman.

honestly i’m not sure how this will turn out but i love the church scene so much and i love eggsy so this will be my experiment phase with writing for him! def into harry hart as daddy too soooooo that will def be coming up in my master list soon. enjoy! also I super apologize for weird spacing and shit cause idk tumblr is weird w the phone sometimes.

The agent stared down at the computer screen with brows furrowed and hands gripping the armrests, “Come on, Eggsy, it’s just a blank. . .”

The recruit held his stance in front of JB, his beloved pug, gun pointed and ready. She could see the struggle in his eyes and it made her so frustrated that he wouldn’t just do it. The dogs had become close companions to the recruits, that was part of the idea behind owning a dog in the agency. This was probably one of the hardest tests out of them all, she had decided after passing it herself.

On the other monitor stood Roxy before her own poodle, gun aimed and ready.

She pulled the trigger and visibly the tension in her shoulders released. Merlin was congratulating her with a pat on the back, whereas Eggsy was still rigid and aiming. Arthur was growing very obviously impatient and she knew that Eggsy would not be able to do it.

In the end, he had the biggest heart of them all.

This proved to be true as he handed the gun back to Arthur, head down and ashamed. She watched as he scooped JB up into his arms and left the room quietly. Immediately she was running out of the room and met Eggsy at the bottom of the grand staircase.

“Why didn’t you do it?”

“You fuckin’ kidding me?” he snapped, “What a bullshit place this is-”

“Why would you even say that? You trained so hard, Eggsy, and you gave it all up for-”

“My fucking dog? Yeah, I did so why don’t you just leave me the hell alone and go back to your posh suits and fancy cars and forget all about me?”

‘I’d never want to forget about you, Eggsy Unwin.’

For a moment she was silent and shocked, the two had become such good friends and she would be lying if she said those words had not hurt. Agents were not supposed to have any romantic relationships, even close friendships like the one they had was hard to navigate in the agency. Eggsy pulled JB protectively close to his chest and looked down at his feet.

“That isn’t what I meant, Eggsy, you could be so great here,” she paused and placed a tender hand on his arm, “I think you might change your mind if you talk to Harry.”

The feeling of his warm skin beneath her hand felt like electricity. She had felt this way around Eggsy several times leading up to this moment, but it was so intense.

“I’m packin’ my things and goin’ home, ain’t nowhere else for me to go and I am not talking to that fucker.”

She shoved him, “Don’t talk about Harry like that, he got you here!”

“And I obviously wasn’t meant for it, so I’m not going to disappoint ‘im any more,” he began to walk away but before exiting, he turned back to her, “Y’know, you ain’t so bad,”

She crossed her arms, “Well thanks,”

He smirked, “Maybe I’ll see ya ‘round, luv?”

“That’s up to you, Eggsy.”

‘Please don’t leave.’

He nodded once more and turned to leave, reluctantly, and her heart plummeted. Once his figure disappeared from the sunlight she sighed and headed back towards the office. Merlin greeted her with a pained look on his face, he knew Eggsy hadn’t passed and it had disappointed him somewhat, as well. Though, he would never admit it, the boy had grown on him.

She was going to miss that cheeky bastard, no doubt. They’d shared some not-so-subtle glances and flirty comments with one another during his time there.

There were the secret winks he’d shoot her way, the way his eyes roamed her body when she wore a skirt, his smug smiles when she praised his work, but most of all the way he listened to her and drank in every word. In the end Eggsy would have to admit that her advice had turned out to be some of the best he’d received during his time at Kingsman.

She smiled at Merlin, “Roxy will do wonderful here, Merlin.”

He nodded, “I think she will too, good to get some females in the agency.”

She laughed, “Now I have someone to gossip and have lunch with that I can really tolerate!”

“Oh, come on now, I’m always down for a good gossipin’ sesh, yeah?”

“Considering your job allows you to attain private information, your gossip is the absolute best, Merlin.”

A few hours later Merlin received a call from Harry to reroute the Kingsman cab that Eggsy had stolen (which caused her to roll her eyes so far that it hurt.) She stood behind the computer-genius as he directed the cab to lock Eggsy in and drive itself to Harry’s house. Eggsy was obviously very mad, “Come on, bruv! He hit my fucking mum!”

She gasped quietly to herself and turned to Merlin, “Anything we can do about that?”

“I’m sure we can take care of it once Harry has talked some sense into him,”

For another hour Eggsy and Harry discussed everything and to say Eggsy felt horribly embarrassed was an understatement. She had been right, talking to Harry made everything come to light and make sense. Mr. Pickle seemed to bore holes into the side of his head the entire time, reminding him of what he had failed to do.

A high-pitched beep interrupted the two agents as they sat in the office, breaking the silence. Merlin leaned forward and beckoned her over on the other office chair, “Got a signal coming from. . .Kentucky?”

“Valentine’s?”

“Sure is,” he paused and hit another button to dial Harry’s contact, “Harry, listen to this. Valentine’s at last saying something of note.”

The four agents listened in separately to the conversation between Valentine and Gazelle. A location was discovered and immediately Harry was on his feet and ready to come back to headquarters. She briefly caught a glimpse of Eggsy through Harry’s glasses and smiled to herself, he had definitely calmed down and profusely apologized to Harry as he gathered his things.

“Harry, I’m so sorry and I’m gonna do everything-”

“You should be,” she smiled at Harry’s blunt retort, “You just stay right there, I’ll sort this mess out when we get back.”

“We’ll meet you at the air-strip, Galahad,” Merlin said before he hung up.

“Agent Percival, gather your things together as well,” Harry said before abruptly hanging up.

Her heart jumped at the mention of her going out into the field, it always did when she was asked to go. Especially since Harry had been her mentor, and still was, she enjoyed working with him.

Soon they were enroute to Kentucky via the private jet the agency owned. Merlin debriefed both of them once again on the information they had. While they were unsure about Valentine’s intentions, Harry reiterated that it was necessary they be on guard and ready to fight.

Agent Percival made sure that all of her hidden weapons and gadgets were working and ready before exiting the plane. Once on their way to the church, Harry went over the plan they had discussed once more. She was ready to figure out Valentine’s motives and put an end to whatever he was planning on doing.

“How is Eggsy?”

Harry quirked a brow at her, “It will take some time, but I think he’ll come back around and be joining us.”

She smiled, “He’d do so well with us, Harry, and I know you know that.”

“Of course I do, he’s just like his father,” he turned to her, “Don’t forget the rules, Agent Percival.”

Her face heated up and she turned to him, “What on earth do you mean by that?”

“You know very well what I mean by that,” he said as he placed his hands on his knee, “There’s certainly no secrets between you two and the rest of the agency.”

She looked down and tried to hide her tinted cheeks, “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

There was a silence before Harry chuckled, “He’s very loyal, you know?”

She smiled to herself, “Good quality of a qualified Kingsman,”

“Indeed,” Harry hummed to himself.

Just before they arrived she turned to him, “Thanks for teaching me everything, Galahad.”

He nodded, “You haven’t let me down, Percival, although I never doubted you or your abilities.”

It was silent then as they approached, churchgoers entering the sermon five minutes before it was scheduled to start. Stepping out of the car she smoothed down her blazer and tailored pants before taking Harry’s arm on the other side. They entered the church together and looked around for empty seats.

Unfortunately they had to sit on opposite sides of the pew since it was so full already. Soon after they sat down a small worship service began which soon turned into a rather nasty and bigoted sermon from the preacher. Percival tried not to show the disgust on her face and instead played with the buttons of her purple blazer.

“Charming sermon, can you see Valentine anywhere?” Merlin’s voice echoed in her ears.

From the corner of her eye she saw Harry’s gaze focused somewhere in the corner of the small church. Indeed, there was a small camera placed above them.

The sermon dragged on and honestly, she was bored. Valentine wasn’t showing up and nothing was happening, it seemed like a useless mission. Harry seemed to think the same thing as he sent her a quick nod from his seat.

Harry stood to leave, Percival deciding to wait about two more minutes before she also left so as not to cause a big distraction.

However, a woman next to Harry was rather peeved that he was ready to leave.

“Hey, what’s your problem?”

Every eye turned to Harry and the preacher paused in his sermon, eyeing Harry with hate.

Percival had to contain her laughter as Harry turned back to the woman and curtly responded, “I’m a Catholic whore currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works in a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.”

The look of pure shock on her face made Percival want to laugh even harder, so she turned back to the front of the church and regained composure in her seat.

Just before Harry reached the door the woman cried out, “Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are!”

Percival twitched a little, a high-pitched ringing filling her ears for a split moment. She shook her head to clear the sharp pain out of her head and once her eyes refocused, something was very different.

“Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies! You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!”

The entirety of the congregation was standing with fists clenched and glared at Harry. Percival stood as well in order to blend in, but she couldn’t shake the slight ringing that was still in her ears.

She ducked her head out into the aisle, “We need to leave, now,” she whispered to Merlin and Harry through her comm.

Something else made her twitch again and without any control, she began to see red and was absolutely angry. Her fingers curled around the gun inside her blazer pocket and hooked onto the trigger.

She turned just in time to see Harry shoot the woman point-blank in the head. Hell was unleashed upon all of them, then.

Before the person next to her could strike her down she whipped around and shot a bullet into their head. Blood spattered and stained her dress clothes but she wasn’t concerned in the slightest.

For what felt like hours, her head was in a blur of blood and combat. Anyone who crossed her path was dead and every person around her was savagely doing the same thing. Being trained in combat by the Kingsman has given her the ultimate upper hand.

The number of innocent people had dwindled and after being thrown against a splintered pew she met Harry’s eyes. He charged her and she fought back with all the strength she could muster.

While fighting each other they managed to kill the last remaining people as well. She took hold of a broken candlestick and charged at her mentor, who easily blocked her. They pushed and shoved, punched each other mercilessly and attempted to take one another out.

“STOP! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL EACH OTHER!”

They ignored Merlin’s pleas and finally Harry had her in a headlock. She growled and slipped out of his hold, elbowing him sharply in the nose. She smiled at the loud cry he made and the feeling of the bone crunching under her elbow. Just as she turned to finish him off he blindsided her with a pipe from the organ.

Everything went black and she fell to the ground with a painful thud.

Harry stood over his agent and trembled with confusion, the frenzy in his mind was gone and all he could remember was the pure desire he had to kill every single person in that room. As quick as it was there it was suddenly gone. The girl beneath him groaned quietly and sat up slowly, the left side of her face blackened with a nasty gash running through her cheek.

Her voice trembled, “W-what happened?”

Harry quickly helped her up and ordered her to stay low, pulling her towards the back of the church and under some fallen pews.

“I need you to stay here, I’m going to secure the area outside.”

“Then I’m coming with you,” she responded as she tried to stand, dizziness taking her over immediately.

“That’s an order, Percival,” he said as he pushed her back to the ground. His eyes were kind and she knew he had good intentions by keeping her there, but she felt utterly useless.

Harry stepped outside and once the doors slammed shut, she hesitantly made her way over the absolutely mangled and bloodied bodies to the front of the church. Peering out a broken window she watched the confrontation between Valentine and her mentor. She couldn’t quite hear what they were saying as focusing seemed to increase her migraine even more.

She didn’t miss when Valentine whipped out a gun and shot Harry without warning.

She clamped her hand over her mouth and sank back against the wall, tears streaming down her face and screams threatening to come out. He had just been shot point-blank in the face.

The world was silent for what felt like infinity before Merlin’s voice came into her ears, “You need to leave right now, out the back behind the dumpster-“

“And we’re just going to fucking leave Harry’s body? Absolutely-“

“There is no time, Percival!”

In her attempt to stand she fell back to the floor, broken glass piercing her palms. With what little strength she had left, she crawled outside the doors and limped to Harry’s side.

She sobbed over his body and could not bring herself to look him in the eyes, well, the one that was left. Strong arms wrapped themselves around her torso and she struggled against their hold.

Merlin flipped her so he was cradling her to his chest. She beat into him mercilessly and attempted to turn him around to at least retrieve his body, but to no avail.

Eggsy leaned back in Harry’s chair, tears streaming down his face and pure hatred growing inside his chest.

To see her so broken like that, to see the closest thing to a father he ever had shot dead, to sit in that empty house knowing he would not return killed him inside.

THE MASTERLIST | GO TO PART 2

[soaringsoon]

Kaisoo Tarot

I will preface this by saying that tarot is an inexact art, and is very open to interpretation. In fact, that’s the whole point – to take the lessons and apply them to your own life. I learned to read the cards quite a few years ago from a dear friend of my mother’s. The original cards and book she got me were lost in a fire, but I have several other books and sets of cards now.

As we went into 2019, we EXO L’s and especially Kaisooists were surprised with a bit of news. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I’m not going to make any assumptions about the truth of that story – I’ll leave that to all the excellent examinations I’ve seen so far of the Dispatch articles, Instagrams, etc.

What I decided to do was pull cards for Jongin, for Kyungsoo, and for the two of them as a unit. Whether this unit is a business relationship as members of the same group, as friends, or as romantic partners, I did not ask the cards. I simply wanted to see what the cards said when I gave them the most basic of information.

I decided to do the simplest spread – three cards. It’s still plenty of information without being totally overwhelming or making this post a mile long. I do apologize for the length of this post, however. I tried to keep it brief, I swear! I also decided to use the cards that Yixing included with his Namanana album, since he’s connected to Kyungsoo and Jongin. Interestingly to me, on stage when he’s with EXO, he stands between Kyungsoo and Jongin. I’m not sure if that means anything but I decided it might.

I pulled cards for Kaisoo first, again with the caveat that I didn’t specify what the relationship was, just Kyungsoo and Jongin together in some form.

I got card XV – the devil. Actually this card “jumped out” while I was shuffling the cards, and my mentor says that this means the card wants to be read, so I placed it first. The devil card talks about being under the spell of a lie, and that the consequences of that lie are real. It talks about a belief system that needs an overhaul, and that there are feelings of denial, justification, and fear involved. If you apply this to one or both of them being not straight I certainly can see where the lie is (if they’re pretending to be straight, either like Kyungsoo, not acknowledging any relationship at all, or like Jongin, with his publicized relationships with women, which seem as though they might be false). The belief system that needs an overhaul – Korea isn’t very accepting of LGBT people so maybe that’s it? I can see where the denial and fear and justification come in as well – if they were revealed to be not straight it would certainly have an impact on their careers. The last thing that the devil card talks about is the idea that liberation from the lie is possible. Obviously, if they are not straight, they could choose to announce that, but at what cost?

The next card is X – Wheel of Fortune. This card talks about whatever troubles you being on its way out, that the coming changes are happy ones. It keeps repeating that change is a good thing, that you may be currently experiencing a low point but that all the good things are coming, are possible. I don’t see anything really troubling either of them in their public life – Kyungsoo’s career is at an all time high, EXO as a whole is doing well, and Jongin doesn’t seem to have really gotten any backlash from this relationship reveal. So perhaps this is referring to something much more personal, that I as a fan am not privy to.

The third card is I – the Magician. It talks about being in the right place at the right time, that your dreams are manifesting themselves. That you should pursue further dreams, that you can triumph against your haters and that anything is possible. This card says to get ready to dream big and also to act on those big dreams. I immediately thought of Kyungsoo and how his acting career has been something he’s wanted for a long time, being taken seriously as an actor, not just an idol actor. The fact that he’s getting so many great, diverse roles came to my mind.

Maybe I should have asked for a specifically “romantic couple” set of cards, because I keep feeling things about each of them individually but not so much as a romantic couple. I may pull another set with this in mind and see what I get.

Next, Jongin.

His first card is XX – Judgment. This card talks about karma, and says a lot of things about taking inventory, calling ourselves on our bullshit, and finding out how we will live up to our best self. I thought it was interesting that the book I used talked specifically about New Year’s often being a time we think about this kind of thing, and it also mentioned how magazines often focus on new things at this time of year. It talks about a major revelation that’s coming, and about changing the way you live even if the ramifications are scary. Again, there’s a lot of focus on what we’re hiding, and the need to be authentic.

The second card I pulled for Jongin was 0 – The Fool. This card doesn’t mean he’s stupid, quite the opposite in fact. It talks about having (justified) joy or optimism about your circumstances, about the desire to jump into new things but needing to remain grounded in reality. It talks about a relationship that may start or end, a new job (Kaisoo subunit? Jongin solo?) and that there will be problems down the road after some initial success.

Jongin’s third card was XVIII – The Moon. This is the card of fear, of the unknown, of confusion. It talks about needing to use our intuition, to study ourselves intently. It also talks about not making any sudden moves and to make sure to pay attention to the fact that more information is coming. This card mentions that the thing you fear is likely inside of you, not an external force, and that you need to face that before moving on.

Now, on to Kyungsoo. He’s my ultimate bias and I feel like I know him pretty well, but obviously I don’t know him personally. Still, I focused a lot on what I do know about him as I was shuffling his cards. A card also “jumped out” while I was shuffling, and it’s interesting what it was.

XV – The Devil. I pulled this card already, in the Kaisoo spread, but I got a bit different feeling as I read about it again. Whereas with the Kaisoo Devil card I got the feeling that whatever was bothering Kaisoo with regards to this card (things about living a lie with real consequences, and a belief system that needs an overhaul) were internal forces, related to themselves, with Kyungsoo my attention was drawn to the thought that he was chained to a negative force bigger than himself, and that to remain there is to settle for no freedom. I wondered if this had to do with EXO or SM, that maybe they were keeping him from things he wanted. Perhaps if Kaisoo is real, his contract specifies that it can’t be revealed? I did get a strong sense that liberation from this trap is possible, however.

XXI – The World. With this card, I could definitely see things about Kyungsoo’s life, at least professionally. It talks about how things you’ve accomplished have come about through your passion and hard work, that this is literally a dream come true for you. With all his amazing acting roles lately, he’s been getting a lot of awards and recognition, and this card says that. It also says he’s allowed to enjoy the attention, but to accept it humbly which I think he’s done. It talks about a very prestigious award coming his way, and that he’s earned some much desired rest time. So I hope he had a good vacation, wherever he went.

Kyungsoo’s last card was IV – The Emperor. This one I thought was interesting because it talks a lot about being logical, unemotional, and even hiding emotions, and Kyungsoo supposedly has a reputation for being stoic, although he’s very much not in real life, I think. I remember him earlier when he was much cuter publicly and much more demonstrative with his affections, and the Kyungsoo of the last few months reminds me more of that than he has in years. This card talked specifically of being a victim of management, which was interesting considering all the themes of hiding yourself I got in this spread. It talks about sticking up for yourself and staking a claim on something. He’s certainly been extra cute and affectionate lately, and I suppose you could interpret that as staking a claim on Jongin.

In conclusion, this was interesting, and I’ll probably do a few more readings on these guys to see if I keep getting the same themes or if something new comes up.

Also, if you would like a reading for yourself, send me a message and we can talk about it. There’d be no cost.