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illdowhatiwantthanks · 2 months

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The Pineapple (The Surprise, Part 23)

Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: pregnancy times, no smut but definitely allusions to sex, nudity, explicit language (let me know if I've missed anything!) Word count: 1.7k

Summary: You're on partial bedrest to avoid preterm labor, and both you and Emily are going a little stir crazy with it.

Week 33: The Pineapple

“You’ve gotta get out of here,” you told Emily as she stood behind you in the shower, lathering your hair.

She yanked your head back gently to rinse the shampoo out, and you felt a familiar bolt of arousal shoot through your body.

“You’re not supposed to be standing for very long,” she argued. “It’ll go faster if I help”

“I’m not sure that’s true.” You shuddered as she ran her soapy hands over your shoulders, your neck, down your arms.

When she made it to your chest, you grabbed her hands and held them away from you. “You have to go.”

“Honey, just let me help you.” She rubbed her thumbs across the backs of your hands.

You threw open the shower door and pointed. “Go. You can help me with whatever else, okay? You can make me dinner and rub my feet and keep me entertained, but for the love of god, you can’t do this. I’m not supposed to get turned on.”

The shit-eating grin on Emily’s face as she stepped out of the shower made you simultaneously furious and horny.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, voice dripping with sarcasm as she toweled off. “Am I just too much for you?”

You flicked water at her and she flinched, laughing, as you went back to soaping up the rest of your body.

“You’re in the shower with me, Em. Naked. With your hands all over me. What’d you expect? I’m pregnant, not dead.”

Emily giggled and tied her robe around her waist, biting her lip. “You’re pretty when you’re mad.”

You shook your head, turning off the shower and stepping out to snatch the towel Emily held out to you.

You glared at her as you dried off. “Don’t forget that you’re not getting any either. For a long time. So you better watch it. I can’t help you if you get too turned on.”

“Well, of course not,” she observed, looping her arm through yours to support you as you walked back to the bedroom. “That’d turn you on.”

You didn’t need help walking, but ever since you’d been put on bedrest last week, Emily insisted she walk you everywhere. It would be annoying if it wasn’t so sweet.

Emily also wasn’t used to not working, and she was restless, which currently translated into… overbearing in an endearing kind of way. She pulled socks onto your feet and a sleep shirt over your head as you sat on the edge of the bed. She helped you poke your toes out of the bottoms of your maternity sweatpants, and when she was done, she planted one kiss on your baby bump and another on your forehead as she rose to her feet.

“Do you need anything?” she asked, cupping your face in her hands. “Massage? Earl grey? Pupusa run?”

You grabbed Emily’s hand and kissed her palm. “Will you just snuggle with me for a bit?”

“Twist my arm…” Her voice was sarcastic, but her smile gave her away. She crawled behind you in bed, pressing her body into yours and nuzzling her face into your neck. Emily exhaled deeply, as she always did as soon as she got comfortable with you in bed like this. You loved her little huff of breath, the way her muscles seemed to relax afterward. You were proud, honored, to be someone Emily let her guard down with, someone who made her feel safe and calm.

“You know I love you?” she whispered, her breath warm against your neck.

“Mmhm.” You were in that glorious space between waking and sleeping, warm and cozy and snuggled up with the person you loved most in the world. You could stay here forever.

“You love me, too?”

And her voice was timid, almost scared, a rarity for Emily. You rolled over so you could look her in the eyes, tracing her with your fingers. Her eyebrows, the bridge of her nose, the small wrinkles that were forming at the corners of her eyelids, the strong length of her jawbone.

“What kind of question is that?” you whispered, holding her face in your hands and running your thumbs along her cheeks. “You know I do. I love you more than anything. More than breathing. More than pupusas even.”

When Emily didn’t grin or laugh at your attempt at levity, you knew something was wrong.

“Hey,” you said softly, eyebrows furrowed, pulling Emily close to your chest. “What’s going on, huh? Talk to me.”

She let out a shaky breath, then mumbled. “I feel like you’re getting tired of me.”

If she’d looked up, she would have seen the most dumbfounded expression that had ever found its way to your face. “What!?”

“It’s just… we’ve been home together all the time for almost a week now and… I don’t know, sometimes I feel like you… like you don’t want me around.”

“Oh, honey, no,” you breathed, running your hand through her hair. “I absolutely want you around. What did I do that made you feel like that?”

She shrugged, but you insisted. “Tell me, Em.”

“Well, the other day while you were working in the office. I came to sit and work with you and you asked me to leave the room.”

“Em, baby, that’s just because you’re so cool and pretty and fun and I love having you around so much that you’re kind of a distraction when I’m trying to work. It’s not that I don’t want you there, I promise.”

Emily nodded, but still looked sad. You kissed her forehead. “I love you, okay? I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t want you there. I should have communicated better. Anything else?”

She buried her head in your chest and you rolled your eyes. Getting Emily to admit she had feelings was like pulling teeth sometimes. “Out with it, Emily.”

Her voice was so quiet, you had to ask her to repeat herself. “You didn’t want me in the shower with you,” she mumbled.

You giggled and cradled her head in your arms. “Aw, Em. Honey. You gotta let that go. I’m sorry we can’t shower together right now, okay? You’re just too damn sexy. I can’t handle it. Look at me, baby.”

It took a minute, but you finally got Emily to look you in the eyes, and you were amazed, as you always were, by their openness, their vulnerability. This was not a side of Emily that many people got to see, let alone comfort and heal.

“I love you. Okay? I love you so much. I love being with you. I love having you around. You are my favorite person in the universe. Got it?”

Emily nodded, and you placed a quick kiss on her lips, knowing that if you let it get any more passionate, you’d get too turned on.

“I’m having your baby for fuck’s sake,” you grumbled as Emily wrapped her arms around you, lifting her head up to place a kiss under your chin. “I wouldn’t do that for anyone else. Ever.”

Emily exhaled shakily and played with your fingers. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m feeling so insecure.”

“You’re allowed to feel insecure, honey,” you insisted. “It’s okay. I love you, alright?”

She nodded and whispered, “Okay.”

After a few minutes, you giggled.

“What?” Emily prompted.

“Honestly, I thought maybe you were getting tired of me.”

Emily furrowed her eyebrows at you. “Why would you think that?”

You shrugged. “I work from home. And I’m so introverted. I’m used to spending a lot of time alone, so it’s no big deal. But you work with people all the time. With your friends, even. I don’t know, I thought you might be getting antsy.”

When Emily didn’t say anything, you grinned and tickled her until she squirmed. “You are getting antsy, aren’t you!?”

“It’s not you!” she protested. “I’m just used to working all the time and now I’m… a little bored? But not of you! Never of you, sweetheart.”

“Em, it’s fine,” you reassured her. “You’re allowed to have a life outside of me. Why don’t you see what JJ and Penelope are doing right now?”

Emily sat straight up and glared at you. “You’re on bedrest. How are you gonna go to the bathroom?!”

“Oh, I don’t know,” you said, sarcasm rolling off your tongue. “Just pee in the bed, I guess.”

Emily threw up her hands. “I’m serious!”

“I’m serious, too!” you retorted. “Em, I will survive for a few hours without you. I can carefully hobble myself to the bathroom and back.”

She looked at you for a moment, studying you, as if making an incredibly difficult decision. “You’ll call me right away if you need anything?”

You grinned. “I will.”

Emily kissed you quickly, once on the cheek, once on the lips, then launched herself out of bed and toward the closet.

“What are you doing!?” you asked. “You haven’t even asked them yet!”

“It’s girls night,” Emily replied, peeking her head out from the open closet door. “They’re already at the bar. I just… I told them I couldn’t go, but if you’re really okay with it?” She stared at you pointedly, as if making doubly sure you were okay with her leaving.

“Go!” you said, throwing a pillow at her. “Have fun!”

She emerged from the closet in a classic black dress with a neckline that would have driven you crazy if you were allowed to be driven crazy right now.

“Jesus,” you said, biting your lip and looking her over. “You’re not making it easy for me, you know that?”

She leaned over to kiss you, just deeply enough to leave you wanting more. “Enjoy your alone time, honey,” she said, winking at you.

You opened your mouth to protest, but she stopped you with another kiss. “No matter what you say, I know you love being alone. Call me if you need anything, okay? Anything.”

“I will,” you said, squeezing her hand before she walked to the door. “Hey, Em?”

She turned to look at you, and you could’ve stared at her forever. If you could have freeze-framed the moment, you would have done it. Those wide eyes, trusting and hopeful and so, so in love with you. “I love you,” you told her. “More than alone time.”

“I love you, too, honey. Be safe.”

#emily prentiss #emily prentiss fanfic #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x fem!reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic

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mrsstarkey1 · 2 years

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my shirt - jj maybank

A/N: i wrote this last year and i didn’t proofread it so.. be warned. also check out my most recent jj fic here

SUMMARY: you wear your friend jj’s shirt, then maybe he’s not just your friend anymore

WORD COUNT: 0.7k

WARNINGS: none

you were sitting on the boat with kie and pope, drinking a beer and laughing about something pope said. pope was much more comedic when he had a couple beers in his system.

john b and jj were taking forever, doing god knows what in john b's house, "I wonder why they're taking so long,” you thought out loud, reaching for another beer.

"they're hooking up. definitely." pope said and you smacked his arm, rolling your eyes.

kie shook her head with a laugh, "don't worry y/n, jj only has eyes for you."

your cheeks flushed red despite your best efforts to stop it, "yeah, right."

you had a thing for jj, and it was obvious to everyone except him. the whole group has been trying to push you and jj together for months now, ever since they noticed the looks you gave each other while the other wasn't paying attention.

pope gave you a look, but you ignored it. john b and jj finally joined you guys on the boat, immediately grabbing a drink, and jj lit up a cigarette.

john b started the boat, and you all fell into normal conversation, laughing at nearly everything anyone said. you were all buzzed, per usual.

you put your sunglasses on and rested your head back, ducking out of the conversation for awhile.

"are you wearing my shirt?" you heard jj's voice all of the sudden. your eyes widened as you looked down at the loose blue t-shirt you were wearing.

"oh I- uh," you cleared your throat, "you must have left it on the boat. i got kinda cold while we were waiting for you guys. I can give it back-"

"no no it's okay," he avoided eye contact, "you look good,” he said softly, in a way that made you think he didn’t even mean to utter the words aloud.

you looked at him, taken aback by his words, and he locked eyes with you. you both wanted to say something, but just couldn't find the right thing to say.

"uh guys?" john b's voice caused you both to look away from each other and to him. he looked back and forth between you two for a moment,” uh, we're gonna swim now. you can go back to.. whatever that was."

"way to ruin the moment dipshit," pope smacked john b on the side of the head.

you stood up, pulling jj's shirt over your head, deciding to avoid the further awkwardness with jj. you jumped off the boat into the water and swam over to kie, leaving jj on the boat, finding himself wanting you to come back.

you hung out in the water, and then on the boat for awhile before deciding to call it a day. when you reached the dock, you grabbed your bag and tapped on jj's shoulder. the rest of them got off the boat quickly, saying fast goodbyes to each other, leaving you and jj alone.

you held up jj's shirt, "here.” he looked at the shirt, and then at you.

"no uh- you keep it." he offered you a soft smile, and you sensed his nervousness.

"are you sure?" he nodded, and you smiled, just now realizing how close you were to him. you could practically feel his breath on your face.

in that moment you wanted to kiss him more than you ever have wanted to do anything. like ever.

with a sudden burst of confidence, jj took a small step forward, making the gap between you two so small your noses were almost touching.

"so are you gonna kiss me or what?" you whispered, and he crashed his lips on yours, smiling into the kiss. he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer.

you both stumbled back, nearly falling off the boat, causing you both to laugh. "you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." he said, the smile not leaving his face.

"oh, I think I do," you both laughed, and you pressed your lips back to his.

"I'm really glad I left my shirt on the boat."

"me too."

it was inevitable that the shirt wouldn't be the only piece of clothing left on the boat.

———

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#jj maybank #jj maybank imagines #fluff #obx #outer banks #outer banks fluff #outer banks season 3 #jj maybank x reader #outer banks x reader #jj maybank fluff #jj x reader #pope heyward #john b imagines #rafe cameron #obx imagines

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ninii-winchester · 3 months

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I don’t wanna live forever

Pairing : Demon!Dean X Reader

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: angst, demon dean, violence, language. Unedited

I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO COPY MY WORK, TRANSLATE IT OR POST IT TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM. REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED.

Been sitting eyes wide open behind these four walls, hoping you'd call

It's just a cruel existence like there's no point hoping at all

Baby, baby, I feel crazy, up all night, all night and every day

Y/n knew Dean getting the Mark of Cain was the most stupidest thing he's ever done, taking into consideration that he's Dean Winchester and he's done plenty of stupid in his life. Part of her wants to strangle Crowley for getting him into that mess but part of her knew that Dean would've done whatever it'd take to take down Abbadon. She didn't think it'd bring them here to this day where Dean would turn into a demon and leave the bunker for good. He's with Crowley and God knows where.

A knock on the door breaks her away from her thoughts. She looks up to see Sam standing in the doorway.

"Glaring at the walls of his room won't bring him back Y/n." He said sympathetically. He knew she was hurting as much as he was. After-all they both love Dean.

"What am I supposed to do, Sam." She sounded defeated. "I've tried calling him a thousand times and he doesn't answer."

"We're doing the best we can and we will bring him back, you know that." Sam replied walking towards her and sitting on the bed. "You know we always do."

"Part of me thinks he doesn't want to come back, its like there's no point hoping." She felt herself tear up. "The mark is overpowering him."

"Hey don't think about it. Our Dean is still in there. We'll bring him back." Sam looked at her face. She looked tired. "Y/n you haven't slept in days. You should get some rest."

"Yeah."

I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I know I'll be living in vain

And I don't wanna fit wherever

I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home

It's been days since Dean left and Y/n has had enough. She knows Sam's been torturing demons to find out Dean and Crowley's location but she can't just sit around anymore. She'll do whatever it takes to find him even if it's illegal. She opens up her laptop and hacks into the traffic signal camera's all over the country. She runs a facial recognition of Dean's face and the Impala's license plate. She crossed her fingers hoping it does it thing soon because the longer she stays on the site the more risk she's at getting into trouble. Although the bunker is untraceable they can't afford the feds on their ass.

The screen loads successfully and she jumps in happiness. The Impala last crossed a traffic signal three towns over. She didn't know when Sam would return so she didn't wait for him. She quickly changed into her Fed suit and drove towards her destination.

Knowing Dean, he's probably at some bar, she shortlisted the bars across that town and hoped she'd find him in one of those. She visited two bars and much to her dismay he hadn't been there. However at the third bar, she didn't find him but she found a clue.

"That man? Yeah he was here a few hours ago, got into fight with another guy. Beat him to a pulp so had to kick him out." The bartender said while cleaning the countertop.

"Any idea where he went?" She asked with hope.

"There's another bar ten minutes from here, you can check there." She tipped the man, thanking him for his help.

"Agent." He called out behind her, she turned to him, "be careful out there, that man's feral." She nodded and left

the place.

She walked in the inside the bar and it was almost empty considering it's pretty early in the day. She noticed a figure sitting at the bar top and immediately recognised him.

"Dean." She called out softly. He turned to look at her but then he turned again focusing on his drink. She said his name again and moved towards him but was stopped by an annoyingly familiar voice.

"Oh Vixen found her Squirrel. Didn't bring Moose along?" The voice spoke in a Scottish accent.

"Fuck off Crowley." She replied glaring at the man in the black suit.

"You wound me, darlin." He sassed. "Dean doesn't wanna go back so why can't you two blithering idiots.... LET HIM GO."

"I'm not fucking around here." She pulled out her gun pointing it at him, she removed the safety. "Let me talk to him. Alone."

"Your guns don't work on me." He replied smugly.

"I wouldn't be so sure." She challenged, knowing she'd carved the devils trap into the bullets. She knew she'd never have the heart to use it on Dean but Crowley is a different matter. The short man rolled his eyes and poofed away. She made her way towards Dean and sat beside him.

"Dean.." she said his name ever so softly just the way she always did. He didn't even turn to look her continuing to pour drink after drink in his glass. "Baby, let's go home." She moved her hand to put on top of his. He raised his brow at the gesture.

"I'm telling you this once. Leave." Dean moved his hand away and looked at her. No trace of a smile on his face, the smile she had come to love.

"No, I won't leave here without you. Come back home." She partially begged. "I don't wanna live without you, Dean. Please come home with me."

He stood up, his laugh resonating through the empty bar. She looked at him, hurt written all across her face. She knew this wasn't her Dean but seeing him act this way didn't hurt any less. She walked right in front of him as he stopped laughing.

"What's funny huh?" Anger bubbled inside her.

"Oh nothing." He shrugged, an evil smile appeared on his face. "You said you wouldn't leave here without me, yeah?" He asked rhetorically circling around her. "And you said you can't live without me either." He paused, dramatically thinking for a second.

"Dean.."

"How about I kill you then, right here, right now." He said stopping in front of her with a blade knife. "It'll be so much fun, for me." Y/n took a deep breath, her gun clutched in her hand tightly. "For you though..." he drawled with a chuckle.

"I don't wanna hurt you Dean." She replied.

"I don't think you can, even if you want to." Dean smirked evilly. "Last chance. Leave."

"I'm not going anywhere." She said. "Not without you."

"I'm gonna have so much fun." Dean scoffed before he grabbed her by the neck, choking her. She tried pushing his hand away but she was having a hard time. She kicked him the stomach making him loosen his grip but not completely let go. He threw the against the bar top, she groaned as fell. Her gun falling from her hand.

"This isn't you Dean." She coughed getting up.

"I told you to leave." Dean threw a punch but she moved out of way and his hand smashed a bottle. She punched him the jaw and he recoiled. He pushed her to ground and straddled her waist. He pinned her arms above her head in one of his hands, immobilising her. The mark on his arm itched and he brought the knife to her throat. He pressed it and watched as blood trickled down the column of her neck.

"Do it." She said looking at him.

"I'll take my time with it." Dean replied smugly. Her scratched her cheek with the blade. He then moved it down to her collarbone and she screamed in pain. His lips formed into a sinister smile.

Y/n took a deep breath. She wasn't sure if Dean forgot that she mostly fights with her legs or was it his cocky demonic self that made him leave her legs completely unattended. She brought her legs upwards and hooked her them around his waist, catching him off guard and flipping him off her. That seemed to have pissed him off.

She made a run for her gun but he was able to slash her side before she got her hands on the weapon. She gasped, her right hand touching the wound while she gripped her gun in her left.

"You're pathetic, you know you can't win yet you try so hard." Dean growled closing in on her. "But now I'm bored." He grabbed her left arm and twisted it until a crack was heard. She screamed as the gun fell from her hand. He picked it up and pointed at her head. He pulled the trigger without even blinking.

Y/n blinked as she felt herself being moved from her place. And then she heard a gunshot. Turns out Crowley moved her last minute before Dean fired. She watched Dean wide eyed, unable to process that he was going to kill her. She's alive not because he didn't want to kill her but because Crowley intervened.

"Why did you-" she barely let out but Crowley had disappeared but this time with Dean.

I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind

Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life

Back at the Bunker, Y/n had her arm in a cast, the wound on her side stitched up and bandages all over her. She had taken painkillers for the physical pain but she doesn't know how to sooth her hollow heart.

She laid on Dean's bed and stared at the ceiling, unmoving. A knock resonated at the door and it opened a few seconds later.

"If you're here to tell me I was stupid and reckless. Save it." She said without removing her eyes from the ceiling.

"I know you just wanted him back." Sam replied.

"He's gone, Sam." A tear slipped from her eye. She sat up and looked at the younger Winchester "He wasn't my Dean." Before she knew her body shook and sobs escaped her lips. "Makes me wonder if I dodged the bullet or just lost the love of my life."

Sam sat beside her and wrapped his arm around her as much as he could without hurting her. "After everything that's happened, you still?" Sam trailed off not knowing how to continue.

"I told you Sam he wasn't my Dean. My Dean would rather die than hurt me. Of course I love him." She whispered in his chest. "It hurts to think of what he's become, so much more than these wounds could ever hurt."

"Dean's lucky you chose him. I'm sure he'll agree when he comes back." Sam assured her. "I won't give up on him. He's my brother. I'll bring him back for you. For us." Sam promised and he hoped he could keep that promise.

Part 2

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean x reader #dean x y/n #dean x you #sam and dean #spn fanfic #supernatural #dean winchester x reader angst #dean winchester x reader fluff #dean winchester angst #dean winchester fanfiction #jensen ackles #jensen ackles characters #nini writes

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thatfreshi · 1 year

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Forever and Ever (Astarion x Reader)

I'm going to sob and throw up everywhere this was so incredibly sweet.

Tw - mention of scars (i think that's it)

Recommended Song: Ronson Princess - Clarence James

Waking up to the sunlight gleaming through the red fabric, you and Astarion wrapped in each other's arms. It's odd for you to wake up before him, especially since he doesn't have to sleep all that much, but he's been particularly stressed the past couple of days. Baldur's Gate has brought up a lot of unpleasant memories, things he would've rather left behind. But sadly, everything has brought you back here, and he still wants Cazador dead. Perhaps that's what's weighing on him so heavily, knowing facing his master is so close.

You stare at his sleeping face for a long while, letting the sun continue trickling in, knowing soon he won't get this, soon that freedom of being in the sun, it'll be taken from him, just like everything else. Today you've prepared very special plans, kindly getting everyone to leave camp for the day. Before things change drastically, you want him to have something nice, a day without fighting, a day without talking about Cazador, a day without walking past taverns that he'd rather forget. You continue to smile at him, as his eyelids slowly flicker open. He smirks.

"I can practically hear you staring at me you know."

"Well good, at least you know how gorgeous I think you are."

You leave a kiss on his nose. Locking his fingers into yours, you start tracing his knuckles, all the little lines, tiny scars from fights, the callouses on his palm. He'd deny that he had them to anyone else.

"So... I have a surprise for you."

His ears perk up.

"Oh really? Whatever did I do to deserve such a thing?"

"You know I've said this a million times, but you don't have to do anything to deserve a gift my love. I just know you've been really stressed since we got back in the city, so I thought it would be nice if we had a day away from everything, just to ourselves."

"As if we could ever get time to ourselves with our hooligan friends."

You grin.

"That's the best part, I got them all to go do something else today, so we have the entire camp to ourselves!"

You feel a little bad, being so excited that your friends are leaving you alone, but Astarion likes the quiet. Sure, he's a performer, making little quips in a crowd, but it's that solitude, especially with you, that he cherishes. Maybe he was Stockholmed into it, being forced to be alone so often, but it was usually better than dealing with his 'siblings,' or Cazador. At least rats can't cut you up when they feel like having a good time.

"You seriously kicked out all of our friends so we could be alone for the day? However did you manage that?"

"I may have put some of your manipulation tactics to use..."

Last night, you just so happened to make an off-handed comment about something that would interest each of them. It wasn't too hard, especially since everyone in your group is obsessive over one subject at least, if not more. One by one, they decided they'd spend the day checking out something in the city.

"I have never been more in love with you."

You lock lips, running your hands through his hair, realizing that quite uncharacteristically, he hasn't washed it in days. He's usually quite ritualistic with his appearance, no doubt due to how he always had to look perfect. The habits simply stuck around, but he doesn't mind all that much.

"So, I have a whole day of activities planned!"

He sighs, thinking you mean some intensive itinerary.

"Okay maybe not activities, but nice little calming things to do. I call it... self-care day."

You look way too proud of yourself, and Astarion makes it known.

"What, dear gods, is self-care day? I am all for caring about yourself, as I am spectacular, but an entire day?"

"Yes. It's supposed to be overkill. Just a whole day of absolute bullshit, so you don't have to worry about anything!"

"As if I have ever gone a day without worrying."

You sit up, lifting him up to sit with you.

"Well, we're going to try, because you deserve it. Pleaseeeeee, I just want to spoil you."

He can't ignore your pleading, especially when you look at him with those soft eyes, a gaze that could ask for anything and he'd oblige.

"Alright fine, I will follow along on your self-care day, even if it sounds a little silly."

"Great! So, remember how I went out after dinner last night, and I told you that you couldn't come with me because I was doing something super special and secret?"

"Oh, when I was terrified of you roaming the city by yourself? No, why would I remember that at all?"

His voice is absolutely dripping in sarcasm.

"You know as well as anyone that I can take care of myself, you just like being a chivalrous piece of shit to people that are mean to me."

He shrugs.

"Yes. That sounds entirely reasonable, why would I not do that?"

"Okay yes whatever you like protecting me blah blah blah. We're getting away from the story. I found lots of cool little things, for example..."

Your voice trails off as you dig through your bag, trying to find the cloth sack you got your hands on yesterday. After you find it, you slowly open the pouch.

"I found your favorite tea!"

It's quite a particular brew, one you're pretty sure was made in this city. It's almost impossible to find anywhere else, and when you find it here, it's usually expensive. You hand the bag to him, and he takes in the scent. Blackberry, lavender, ginger, and a couple notes of citrus. Is it way too complex? Yes, quite, but he likes to dissect the flavor, focusing on the different components in the drink.

"You remember that thing I said, what was it... about saving money for, oh I don't know, a place to live after this? You know this is far too expensive my dear."

"It's fine, I can pickpocket a few people."

He laughs.

"You mean I can pickpocket a few people and you'll say you were there for moral support?"

"Yes."

Astarion simply sighs, because if he didn't love you, gods would he absolutely hate you. You could probably say the same thing about him though, so at least you're even. He grabs two cups from somewhere in the mess of his belongings, and the two of you make your way to the dying campfire. As you grab some water from one of the carafes, he adds some more wood to the fire, casting ignis instead of actually putting in the work to start a fire. Usually you would tease him about how he doesn't know how to start a fire, but today he's allowed to take the easy way out. You begin boiling the water for your tea.

"Okay, time for surprise number two while surprise number one is still cooking up."

"Oh, a second surprise?"

"It's self-care day, not self-care hour. There are many surprises to come."

You quickly walk to Gale's tent, bringing back a charcuterie board, filled with small finely cut fruits and mini cheese wedges.

"Ta-da!"

Astarion takes in the beauty of the spread, his heart fluttering a little. Sure, he doesn't have to eat, but he certainly lives for the finer things in life, and a charcuterie board is one of them. After all, eating things that aren't bloody animals makes him feel a little more normal. You smile, realizing he's actually excited and isn't relentlessly teasing you.

"I bought them last night and had Gale put together the spread this morning. I know it's less romantic but-"

"No my sweet it's... it's wonderful."

The two of you eat heart shaped strawberries and little pieces of cheese while you wait for the tea to brew.

"I know I joked a lot, but I do really appreciate all of this darling. It's nice, to know someone cares about me this much. Especially to know that you care about me this much."

"Of course my love. You deserve this and so much more."

You kiss his neck, leaving a little bit of juice from the strawberries. It's hard sometimes for Astarion to remind himself that the worst is behind him, that all he has to do now is deal with his master, and he can finally leave all of this shit behind him. He can finally have that life he wants, with you in some nice house, sleeping together in a nice bed every single day. It's also hard to remember that you love him, that he isn't some charity case you picked up, that you do all of this out of the kindness of your heart. He thought for the longest time that no one was truly kind, and that if they were, they were going to be dead soon enough, and yet he would do anything it took to keep you safe, one of the kindest souls he's ever met. He tears up a little, thinking about how you would care this much, that anyone could care this much about him.

"Are you okay Aster?"

You wipe a tear off his cheek.

"Yes, I'm alright. Just sentimental, that's all."

The way his eyes get wide when he cries, as if he's letting the world in for once, you always notice it.

"That's okay, you can cry all you want. Besides, usually makes you feel better after."

While you're consoling him, you pour out two cups of tea, handing him the first. You take a sip, realizing why this is his favorite. Sure, it's a lot going on, but there's something luxurious about it, soothing, as if made for royalty. Astarion wipes at a couple of his tears, and takes a sip.

"I'm serious though Tav, you have got to stop spending all of our money after this. I'll take this one nice day, but after that, it's back to pinching pennies for us."

Always worried, always thinking about the next thing, always five steps ahead. He's always had to be, playing his life like chess, knowing he's a pawn in some far greater game, knowing if he makes one wrong move he'll lose everything. You don't blame him one bit. After all, the two of you do need enough money to buy a place after all of this is over, and yet you don't worry about it, knowing you'll figure it out. Things have worked out for you so far, and they'll continue to. They simply must.

"Alright, deal."

After sitting and drinking your tea for a while, talking about what you want in the house when you finally buy it, you lead him down to the nearby creek so you can wash his hair.

"Now I know what you're going to say-"

"What, that I could simply do it myself and that you don't have to do something ridiculous like wash my hair for me?"

"Yes... something like that, yeah."

"Then why would you even try asking if you could?"

"Because I love you, and I want to, and I don't want you to have to worry about it."

You stay silent for a second.

"...and I may have bought a really nice shampoo from a store in the city even though I probably shouldn't have splurged but I just want you to have nice things..."

You make those puppy eyes at him, expecting him to say no or give you some lecture.

"Alright, if you insist."

"Wait, really?"

"Yes. Now go ahead and start before I change my mind and lecture you about how to properly bargain for things."

Now this, is a truly rare occurrence. He's so particular about his hair, to the point where he has to fix it every time you mess with it. You swiftly fill a bucket of water and take the nice shampoo out of your bag, putting yet another strawberry in your mouth.

"Seems like you're enjoying the strawberries much more than I am."

He says as he turns his back to you, the two of you sitting in the grass by the creek.

"Hey, it's a board for the both of us. If you're not eating off of it, that's your loss."

You mumble while still chewing on the fruit. He realizes you're right and grabs another piece of cheese before you eat it all. You motion for him to take his shirt off so he doesn't get water all over it, and soon you start working through his hair. It's sadly become quite knotted the past couple of days, due to neglect from the slump he's been in. You try your best not to get sad about it, knowing it's the truest sign of just how out of it he's been. Between dirt and knots and dried blood, there's plenty for you to work through, slowly but surely cleaning it all out, combing through it along the way.

"Are you sure I'm not going to look like a wet cat when you're done?"

You laugh at him.

"Hey, I never said anything about styling, just that I'd wash it. How it looks after is on you."

You don't see it, but he smiles. He has this moment of realization, a sense of clarity. This is it. The thing he's wanted all his life, he's found it, and it's someone so unlike him. And yet somehow, here you were, madly in love, eating fruit and cheese by the water, simply taking care of each other.

"I want it to stay like this forever."

He says suddenly. Your face lights up.

"Me too."

You put down the comb, wrapping your arms over the tops of his shoulders. He holds onto your hands, as if he's realizing for the first time just how real you are. You're here, and he's here, and you're in love. What a wonderful thing, to truly be in love, to have a plan, to have a future. He never really had a future, just a present, day after day. But now there's hope, a life after today, and tomorrow, and the day after.

"Would you do this again sometime? This whole, self-care thing with me? It's been quite nice."

You leave a couple of kisses on his shoulder, and he feels you smile into his skin.

"Of course. As many times as you want my love. Forever and ever."

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #fluff #comfort

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cyb-rdva · 10 months

Text

Forever the name on My Lips

Grim Reaper x Reader (Gender-Unspecified)

A Date with Death Fic

Full Bad Ending Spoilers (Bad ending 2) + Name Spoilers

Note : out of all the endings I've gotten, this ending brought me emotional and physical pain in every way as if I'm being hit by a truck, and despite that, this one is the one keeping me up at night and the one I've been daydreaming about every since I got it.

There he was, sitting still as his gloved hands intertwined with your cold ones, you were cold and unmoving.. He wished it didn't have to end up this way, he made it clear to himself that he won't take your soul, he was willing to betray his oath just to be with you yet.. Here you are.

In his arms, pale and no longer breathing, the words you spoke on your last breath brought him so much pain

"Grim, I think I like you too"

The amount of pain he's feeling right now cannot possibly equal the pain that the sinners are experiencing, but it's definitely near. He feels as though his heart is being pulled apart, it made it hard for him to breath.

Tears that fell from his eyes seemed to be infinite, your corpse now drenched with his tears as he gently caresses your face.

Oh how much he wishes to hear you laugh at him, but in the end of the day, this was still his job.

Before he leaves, he kisses your lips softly, searching for the warmth he felt when you touched back then.

He lays you down softly to the bed, [Pet Name] on his arms, he exits through the window and into the pale moonlight.

His job was done, his peers cheered and yet, he never had ever felt so empty.

He held azrael in his arm, tears kept spilling, his heart just won't stop crying

In each sobs, he calls out your name, hoping that you'd answer

You hoped this was simply a dream, you were the first person he'd ever loved and the only one that he would love.

And now you're gone..

"What am I supposed to do with my heart now?"

In every momentum, you had never left his mind, in every soul reaping that he ever does, the memories just kept on creeping back to him like a restless ghost.

And in every second, your name was the name he calls as the night sky pitied him greatly.

In every faces he'd come by, he looks for yours in hope you'd meet once again and maybe get a second chance.

The world is cruel, only death is fair

Why did you have to be gone? Just as when he'd gotten too attached, you'd decided to give away your soul, leaving him behind.

It was torture.

There is no Fairness in life after all.

Songs I recommend listening to while playing through the bad ending 2

If this was a movie - Taylor Swift

Talking to the moon - bruno mars

Haunted - Taylor swift

Promise - laufey

Running up that hill ( a deal with God) - Kate bush

Last kiss - Taylor swift

I want you - mitski

Francis forever - mitski

#a date with death #grim reaper #Casper a date with death #A date with death x reader #two and a half studios #x reader #visual novel #bad ending #grim reaper x reader

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vivian-pascal · 5 months

Text

I Don't Love You Anymore

joel x f!reader

summary: Joel had been with you for a while, you both had a nice house in New York City, he'd seen the way you'd look at him and he just knew that if he stayed for too long, you'd never find your true love. He knows he's way too old for you and you need a younger man, much younger. So he does something that will tear both you and him apart. Forever.

warnings: angst, crying, pushing and shoving, mention of what reader wears, reader slams her fists and they bleed.

authors note: i've been feeling really down in the dumps lately. I just feel like my life is slowly spiraling downhill. so I thought i'd write some lovely angst to pour my heart and soul out too!

Joel parks his truck on the driveway. Staying inside the car, thinking. Closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. He doesn't want to do this, god, he never ever thought he'd have to do this. Especially with you.

When you both met, you were in the airport and he had just gotten off his flight from Texas. He was heading to New York for a vacation. To get away from the suburbs and get into some classy skyscrapers.

You were walking with your phone in your hand and your headphones in. You didn't bother to look up and the next thing you know, you run into a person. Taking your headphones off, you look up to see a man.

He has salt and peppered hair, small gruff forming on his chin. You run your eyes down his entire body and instantly fall in love.

When he first saw you, he fell hard. Your small little body and the way you looked at him the day you met. He just couldn't stay away from you. He wanted to be with you every second, every hour, every day. He loved you with all his heart. You meant everything to him.

He reminisces on the days you two cuddled in bed together, laughing at each other's jokes. He chuckles to himself as he remembers you with whipped cream all over your face because he had dumped your head in cake since it was your birthday.

He turns the key in the ignition and opens the car door. Closing it, he rests his head on the window and breathes in one more time. He stands up and begins to walk to your door. He lifts his hand up and rests it on the door.

He knocks once. Patiently waiting for your sweet smile and that soft smell of your perfume. He sees the door open and there you are. His lovely girl. Standing there in a gorgeous flower dress, your hair is in a braid with little bows in the back. You smile up at him and he breathes in the smell of you for the last time.

He smiles shyly and you welcome him into your home. "Hey baby, what ya here for?" You twirl towards him and grab his hands. He pulls one back and rubs the back of his neck.

"Uh darlin', we need to talk." His face instantly twists as the small hint of fear crosses your face. "Oh." You gulp deeply as you let go of his hand. "Okay."

He walks into the living room and sits down on the lounge chair as you sit across from him on the couch. You look down at the floor and play with your hands. Waiting for him to say something.

He clears his throat and begins to speak. "I'm leaving. Tonight." Your face shoots up as your eyes instantly water. "What? When? What time? Why didn't you tell me earlier Joel? Where are you going?" His eyes become teary as he sees your panicked state. He never wanted to do this. Why is he doing this?

He closes his eyes and tries to blink away the tears. "I'm uh, heading back to Texas." You stand up and your eyes go back and forth between his face. "Joel what!? Why? I-I thought you liked it here. We have a house and-" He shushes you as he stands up and grabs your hands.

He stares down at your blood shot eyes looking into his. You look up at him mouth agape. "Are you breaking up with me?" It physically hurts him to hear the words. He closes his eyes and looks down. You remove your hands from his and look at him angrily.

"Is this what this is Joel? Your plan on breaking up with me!" He opens his eyes and sees your angry, teary, messy face. Your mascara running down your face and smudging the collar of your dress.

"Now, darlin', I-" "Don't you fucking call me that Joel." You scream at him and his face goes pale. He's never heard you yell like that before. It's like a dagger piercing through his heart over and over again.

You walk up to him and point your finger at his chest. "So all those memories we made meant nothing to you? Am I nothing to you Joel." He shakes his head and tries to back away. "No, you mean everythin to me. I don't know what I'd do if I never met you." You stand up straight and begin to chuckle.

"So if you loved me that much than why the fuck are you leaving me!" You push him and he hits the wall. Hard. Tears start falling from his eyes as he sees his girl a mess. You both just look at each other as you both cry.

He removes himself from the wall and slowly starts to walk towards you. "Don't you dare take another fucking move Joel. I swear to god." He stops in his tracks and stands a few feet away. "You don't deserve me. M'too old f'ya and I can barely do nothin'. M'not as excitin as I used to be when I was younger. You deserve someone who can take care of ya and be there f'ya when you get older." His southern drawl coming out stronger than ever as he cries.

You stare at him in distraught as he rubs his stray tears away. "Don't deserve you? Joel we've been together for two fucking years. If I didn't 'deserve' you, I would've left already." You walk towards him and grab his hands. You looks you in the eyes and shakes his head. He removes his hands and begins to walk to the door.

"Joel, where are you going? You can't just leave!" You run after him and grab onto his shirt. More tears fall from his face as he sees your tiny body trying to get him back. He opens the door and stops to look at you. "I'm sorry." He shuts the door but you immediately open it.

"Joel come back!" You run in the rain. Following him to his truck as he gets in it. You bang on the window as he backs off the driveway and leaves. You fall to your knees and scream and cry until your heart can't take it anymore. Soaking in the blankness of which was once full. You slam your fists onto the pavement of the driveway.

You pick them up to see that they're bleeding but you don't care. Nothing in your mind is making sense. 'Why'd he leave?.' 'Did he even love me?' 'Was this all a lie?'

You scream into the air and cry out. As Joel leaves, he can hear your horrid cries and bangs his hand on the window. Tears fall from his face as he sees your small body becoming a tiny speck. Nothing seems to matter anymore for him, or for you, because it seems as tho he never loved you.

tags!

@morallyinept @mermaidgirl30 @rav3n-pascal22 @mountainsandmayhem @amyispxnk @pinkcrystal44 @guelyury @iamsherloocked @itsokbbygrl @heartpascalispunk @littlevenicebitch69 @brittmb115 @kotourasan123 @simplewanderer @tupelomiss @heartramen @sinful-mind-joyful-thoughts @yorksgirl

#joel miller #pedro pascal #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel the last of us #angst

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kyri45 · 8 days

Text

✨ISAT Sky: Cotl!AU Q&A ✨

Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the ISAT Sky: Cotl!AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~

Anonimo ha chiesto: sometimes when im bored i just go to your profile to position your pfp to siffrin's hands so it looks like they're holding you

I feel threatened bc if Siffrin would know what I'm making them pass through with the next comic updates he would crush me insteantly with a fist.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Damn Siffrin is dying and no one will ever remember them. 😔 Oh Loo~ooop!

Loop coming to save the day even tough they aren't paid enough for this shit

Anonimo Siffrin isn't aware of the hole in the wall you can go through for those two statues without having to get pelted by rocks smh my head. (said jokingly) ((Love your comic btw!! Thank you for this AU, I love it))

THE

WHAT?

YOU CAN GO THROUGH A WALL TO GET THEM WITHOUT RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE?????

Anonimo My reaction to this chapter of ISAT COTL CROSSOVER AU (10/9/2024) GO BBG YOU GOT THIS IN THE BAG!! OH YOU DO NOT GOT THIS IN THE BAG.. oh now you're out of the bag oh god ruh roh

Oh yeah he does NOT have this.

Anonimo pst hey hey are you gonna pose the statues, it would be funny i swear totally not more heartbreaking for siffr- WAIT HOW WOULD THEY REACT TO THE FACT YOU CAN BARELY SAVE ALL OF THE STATUES WHEN YOU REACH THE FOREVER STORM PART-

he has enough memories that he should recover a good amount of statues. It's not a matter of wheter or not he can save everyone, but mostly themself....

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hey so I cannot believe I am so late to see your ISAT and Sky AU because I love!! Both of them!! So much!! And I just wanted to thank you for making it and sharing it with us because it’s really cool! And both fandoms need more attention imo <333 @ucorpwhalingyaoi ha chiesto: I know NOTHING about cotl but my god your isat au of it has made me want to play it so bad 💔 (very /pos…) @primrosechronicles ha chiesto: HEYYYY ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE IVE SENT AN ASK!! Ive been silently reading the isat comic since my last ask and im very very proud of you for making this far!!! mwahh!!! Thank you for inspiring me to play sky again, cuz if not i wouldn't have able to meet my sky friends Anonimo ha chiesto: first of all, I came here from the shadowpeach au but your comics dragged my ass to the ISAT fandom second of all, HOW DARE YOU PLAYED WITH MY HAPPINESS LIKE THAT (love your art and story telling, I wanna eat it like a fancy dinner) @prince0fghosty ha chiesto: It's been hard for me to find Sky: Children of the Light content anywhere! I found you through a friend and not only are you interested in Sky but also Lego Monkie Kid this is truly the best day ever!!! I got back into the game because of you. I like to help moths out in Eden @phoenix-is-here ha chiesto: You are the person who introduced me to the ISAT fandom and I gotta say thank you for that. That's one of the best games I've ever played and I would have never known about it without stumbling onto your account first (because of a strong hyperfixation on a show about monkeys ofc) so.. Accept this virtual cookie and glass of milk as a gift : 🍪 Anonimo ha chiesto: I followed for the shadowpeach, stayed for Sky CotL, keep cookin

HIII!!! AND TYSM!!!!!

@elianaroselight ha chiesto: This feels a little silly, but what is ISAT? I read through your ISAT Sky AU comic and I feel like I am missing half of the story. I love what I'm seeing so far and want more, but I also don't know or completely understand who the characters are and why I should care about them (more than I do already at least). Sorry if this is silly. I just want to understand.

ISAT is short for "In Stars And Time". It's an RPG game made by @insertdisc5. ABsolutely go check it out otherwise you wont understand a thing about the characters of the AU!

when i was reading the most recent page of the In Skies and Time™️ comic I had the most hilarious image in my head of just a bunch of sky kids smacking down on the same area and making this. sky kid pileup????? [since it seems liek theyre all gonna come back like that..] it was super funny to imagine 30 CAR PILEUP 🔥🔥🔥

AWWW SKY KID MOUNTAIN!! Lol probably it would happen? Like when you do Eden just after reset and when you get reborn there's like 7 other players clipped in you rebirth animation in the aviary /home space

Anonimo ha chiesto: Awwwww Bonnie was so excited 😢

poor Bonnie they will get their comfort moment eventually

@sohrleas ha chiesto: YOU YOU'RE THE REASON WHY I got Sky 'cause I saw your isat sky au and got super curious about the game Your art is beautiful and I love it 💚💚💚

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO!!!!

Anonimo ha chiesto: HOPEFUL STEWARD WOOOOO-

IT'S MY BOY!!

@o0mochacoffee0o This isn’t related to you Bio dad AU Like my usuals- I just saw in your abut that you like CotL! Now you share two of my interests!! I’m curious to know your favorite parts of the game, if you have any ships, head canons, etc!! I always love listening to people’s opinions on things I love!

About Scotl? I don't have any specific headcanon, but I do ship Moments Guide and Reassuring Ranges. The only thing that I crave for that game is MORE LORE GODDAMN IT

Anonimo ha chiesto: When I said the fun was dying. I did not expected this. I'M SCREAMING AND PUNCHING THE BED NOOOOOOOOOOOO SIFFF

*sips coffee* welcome to hell (literally)

Anonimo ha chiesto: "is that thing a sadness?!" sweet summer child that thing is a menace of death

It absolutely is

Anonimo ha chiesto: Poor Siffrin’s gotta be absolutely TERRIFIED Big scary beast thing spotted them AND suddenly getting bathed in the color they associate with bad stuff? I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t be quaking in their boots.

He is in desperate need of comfort that wont come in like- a irl month I think

Anonimo ha chiesto: I know you won’t be doing the golden wastelands but… Once the party discovers that the groundwater has the same effect as the forest rain, Isabeau decides to bridal carry Siffrin the whole way. Leaving Siffrin a blushy mess. Also, almost if not everyone is scared shitless of the Dark Dragons/Krill (totally not projecting)

ooooohh that is soooo cute i'm dying!!!!!

Anonimo ha chiesto: THE FAKE ACT 4 LOOKING SMILE . THE ACT 5 EDEN MOMENT. THE PARTY BEING SENT BACK . DIES "oh yeah if I still have energy I can loop back" ← me when I'm lying

@starlight-and-clockwork ha chiesto: bawling and kicking and screaming and pulling my hair out THAT PANEL OF SIFFRIN ASKING HIS FAMILY TO REMEMBER HIM WILL HAUNT ME FOREVER YOU ARE SO TALENTED AND CAUSE ME MUCH PAIN THANK U<3

@aro-aces-world ha chiesto: I just caught up with ISAT sky au Fuck you /affectionate

Thank you! Be ready to be even more destroyed by the following updates!

@cherryblossomventi ha chiesto: I’m gonna go feral, Sif did that because he knows he can kinda come back from this with the shooting star thing Im guessing but the others cant/might not because they aren’t from this land,,, oh buddy why didn’t you tell them stop being cryptic idiot

Sif doesn't really remember that he can be reborn like in Sky. He knows only that, if he can reach the light right at the base of the cataclysm, then maybe he can return as well.

#isat sky cotl au #ask box #kyri45

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giallos · 4 months

Note

Five Tevan head canons?

here are some headcanons!

Tommy is a cat person. The first time Buck spends the night, he wakes up with a tuxedo cat sitting on his chest. (The cat's name is Merlin, he's like 20 years old, very cranky, and Tommy's precious baby.)

Buck absolutely loves being the little spoon but sometimes when he wakes in the middle of the night and sees Tommy is having a nightmare, he'll plaster himself to his back, wrap his arms around Tommy's middle, press his face into the back of his neck and just rock him until he settles.

Buck and Tommy don't wait very long to have sex; sex is one of the few things Buck isn't nervous about re. his blossoming relationship with Tommy. It's the more emotional, serious stuff that gives him nervous butterflies. He's a little shocked at how deep he is after so short a period of time, so he tries desperately hold back a part of himself--because shouldn't Buck be protecting himself after the way his past relationships have gone?--but it gets harder with every passing day. Buck realizes he's in love with Tommy after their sixth date (dinner at a sushi place; they squeeze shoulder-to-shoulder in a booth and Tommy rubs Buck's back as he goes over the menu and Buck thinks I love you but instead says let's get California rolls and split them), and he realizes he wants forever with Tommy after just two months (Buck is brushing his teeth at the sink while Tommy is showering and singing old Sinatra tunes wildly offkey, and Buck thinks I'd like to do this every morning for the rest of my life). Buck manages to keep all the big feelings inside until six months have passed, when he finally confesses to Tommy that he loves him and Tommy's like oh thank God, I fell for you after the coffee date and I've been panicking that it was too fast ever since and they laugh about it together.

Buck takes Jee with him to pick out a ring to propose; a few weeks later, Tommy absconds with Jee to pick out a ring for Buck. Somehow Jee is the only Buckley-Han who can keep a secret, and Buck and Tommy surprise each other with marriage proposals on their anniversary trip.

Buck gets Tommy's callsign and a tiny LAFD helicopter (wih a little Tommy at the controls) tattooed to the inside of his wrist. For Tommy's first tattoos, he gets Who cares?! tattooed on his forearm and a little stylized image of Buck's turnouts with 'BUCKLEY' on the back on his shoulder blade. (When they get married Tommy adds Kinard-Buckley around his ring finger; Buck adds a matching Kinard-Buckley to his ring finger, gets the last lines of Tommy's wedding vows to him on his wrist under Tommy's callsign, and adds a landing pad under the little helicopter with a little figure meant to be Buck waiting for the chopper to land. They're very sentimental.)

#girlwonderofficial #replies #ask box #buck x tommy #bucktommy #headcanon accepted!!!#911 spoilers #text

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dashofmonsters · 9 months

Text

Dreamers & Delusions- Pt. 3

merman x female reader

You wake up feeling slightly smothered. You pry an eye open to be met with taut tan skin. You groan remembering what happened last night knowing damn well you'll have to really clean the kitchen since that sauce is probably stuck in that pot. That and you'll most likely have to calm Tao down.

You squirm just enough to dislodge yourself from Tao's arms only to see his face twist as his eyes flutter awake.

He stares at you blankly for a minute before he flies out of the bed like a scared cat, landing on his feet before falling on his ass with a hard thud. Tao stutters as he tries to apologize, his expression a mix of embarrassment, fear, and anger.

"Woah woah, hey! Everything's fine! You kind of blanked out last night while eating but nothing happened! You're good ok? Tao hey look at me, deep breaths man! Come on, it's fine," you try to calm him down while sitting next to him.

Tao scoots away and tries to catch his breath, "I, you asked me... You asked me to keep my hands to myself though. I-I-I still should be held accountable for-"

"Dude, that's just an expression for keeping your hands out of my pants. Like don't try to come onto me..." you wave your hand in a circle hoping he'd get it but nothing. "You know, sexually? Which you did not by the way. Cuddling can be platonic and that's all that happened right? So we're good!"

His brows furrow and he nods. He still doesn't seem convinced that he did nothing wrong as he balls up on himself.

"Really," you start, a bit more softer. "Nothing happened. I'm fine and to be honest, that was probably the best nights sleep I've had in forever. The purring was unexpected though."

You giggle but Tao buries his face in his hands looking like an embarrassed girl who just confessed to her crush.

"Oh come on man, I'm just trying to lighten the mood! I won't tell anyone that you can purr. I will take this bit of horrific terrible no good information to the grave ok? Just stop collapsing in on yourself like a black hole," you scootch to sit next to him and try to pry one of his arms away.

He loosens up and peers up over his arms at you, "Just for the love of the goddesses never mention the purring again. Ever, even between us. It's embarrassing even though it's normal, it's just not talked about."

Your heart flutters because he honest to god looks adorable being all embarrassed and you have to really really stop yourself from patting his head. Taking a deep breath you nod.

"Got it, cultural thing. Won't bring it up again, breakfast," you ask, quickly changing the subject.

Tao nods and awkwardly gets himself back into a standing position before helping you up. You look down the hall and across the way to the living room to make sure no one else is here. The likelihood that your grandmother would be back yet is slim but not entirely impossible.

When you see that the coast is clear you head to the kitchen with Tao in tow. He sticks close by, looking around concerned.

"You alright buddy?" you ask.

"I- I don't know, I don't really remember much from last night aside from running here and you inviting me inside and then things started to get blurry," he turns this way and that while sniffing the air trying to piece together what might have happened.

"Well you were practically drooling while I was on cooking, went into a feeding frenzy and then you were kind of like on auto pilot mode. What was that about," you walk him through what you remember and you hear a slap.

You look up at Tao who's large hand is covering his face.

"You saw me eat," he asks, sounding absolutely mortified.

"Yeah, no big deal though. You were hungry right? I was just happy that you were ok with my cooking. I would have tried it myself but medium rare chicken isn't quite safe for human consumption. Sauce was tasty though," you shrug.

Tao looks at you like you smacked him instead, "You weren't disgusted?"

"Should I have been? I mean the extra row of teeth was a surprise and all but I've seen worse. I work at a diner mind you and I've seen grown ass men eat mashed potatoes with their grubby unclean hands. Now that is gross," you cross your arms.

You've told Tao time and time again that you're pretty open minded when it comes to the cultural differences between you and he. It's taken quite a bit to convince him that he doesn't have to hide his arm and leg fins while working, no one cares. In fact, it gives him more edge and the kids take him more seriously.

Tao still looks distraught but he stands just a bit taller.

Right... the fair folk are about give and take. I guess that applies for some merfolk to.

"Fine, if you feel like you gotta do something to make up for last night, you can help me with the dishes. Is that fair," you point to the skillet and the variable dishes in different states of disgusting.

He straightens up real quick and gets to work. While he does that you work on breakfast. It's simple and nothing crazy like you made last night but it has Tao glancing over your shoulder ever so often. He asks what your making and what seasonings you're using.

Eventually the dishes are done and the both of you are comfortably eating breakfast while talking about food and cooking. He enjoys Mediterranean style cooking and isn't much into sweets except anything coffee flavored. He also loves sashimi but hates sushi. You did notice his favorite recipes don't include anything with nori.

"So are you planning on being a life guard full time or is it just while you're acclimating," you ask between bites of pancake.

Tao rolls his head back and groans, "I've tried to think of what I'd want to do but nothing translates well with the jobs I could have had in my shoal. Being a life guard was the closest option to what I could of been."

"I see, so limited job options for you people," you nod.

"More like limited to half breeds like myself," he sighs and looks down at his plate.

You don't press or ask what he means because you'd never pry, that was something he said he appreciated about you. You gave him the space and time to talk about things like he did with you now.

"My mother is from my birth shoal but my father well he was from a different and more smaller shoal. These," he points to the bands on his arms and to the black streaks in his hair. "These are proof that I'm not just of my mother's kind. I'm considered an outcast. I had one chance to stay in my shoal but I refused to take it and for that I was banished."

The pain in his voice is unbearable and heartbreaking. He must miss his family and to be banished from the only life you've ever know must hit hard.

"I couldn't do what they were asking," he continues, his voice choking. "My mother had lost both my father and my brother's father. Two mates!" He stops and looks up at you with wide eyes looking like he's in terrible horrible pain. "She lost them and I couldn't kill my own brother just to stay in that goddess forsaken shoal!"

Your heart stops for a moment and then you're on your feet walking towards him.

"I couldn't do it! And I-I don't even know why I'm telling you this just fo-"

You wrap your arms around him and give him the best hug that you can. You feel him stiffen for a second only for his body to go limp once you start patting his back.

"You're just feeling a lot, I get it. Let it all out man, I won't judge," you coo, still patting him.

Tao is still for a moment longer before pulling you in closer and quietly crying against you chest. You feel him shake as he lets what could be years and years of silent suffering go. His nails dig into your back and although it's a little uncomfortable you know that holding in that much hurt is more painful.

"I couldn't do it..." he mutters again and again, the feelings of loss overcoming him.

"I know, and you spared your mother such a horrible thing. She must know you're alright. Even though you're far apart she still loves you. You're brother will be her constant reminder of your bravery. You chose right. And I know sometimes the right things are the hard things believe me I know, but you did right and your mother knows it. She might not be here to say it so I will, I'm proud of you and lucky to have such a good friend," you say, comforting him as you now rub circles on his back.

Tao holds you tighter and you can hear the muffled cry he tries to hold back.

"Let it all out. I'm here for you," you continue to comfort him as he cries his heart out to you.

~~~~~

After a while Tao eventually calms down but passes out on the couch. You toss a blanket over him and check your phone.

"You grandmother is spending another night here. She raided my mini bar and got drunk off her ass. Enjoy your alone time, I know you need it," Gayle texted you thirty minutes ago.

You sigh in relief and tidy up the half eaten breakfast you and Tao had.

Deciding now is the perfect time to do nothing, you do just that and get back to being lazy. You stretch back out onto the recliner and scroll through your phone while Tao takes it power nap. It's a comfortable kind of quiet you've gotten used to.

A text pings and you check it real quick and frown.

"Jsut gettin out of teh rehanb an I thoubt I see how yor doin. Callme," your mother texts you.

You don't know how or why she has your new number but you never wanted to talk to her again. Or at the very least for a long long time. She was one of the few people who made living in your hometown a living hell. She was the town druggy and you were her daughter. You and your siblings were targeted for causing trouble even though you never caused any all for being her kids.

It got so bad that your brother went into inpatient therapy and your sister ran away. You haven't heard from her in six years. Your older brother tried his best but it was hard to take care of a group of kids when he was still in high school. He tried to take you and your younger brother away but got incarcerated for kidnapping.

After a few months in the county jail he was released but never came back until a couple years ago. He took your mom to court where you and your younger brother testified against your mom. She played the pitiful me and my hard life card and got away with a year in jail and one in rehab.

You consider calling her to cuss her out but decide it's not worth your time or effort. You roll your eyes and decide to let your silence speak for itself.

"You're upset, what's wrong," you hear Tao as he sits up with glorious bed hair and his eyes puffy and red.

"How can you tell," you set your phone down and glare.

Tao points to his nose, "I can smell emotions. Anger usually smells sharp and rotten like spoiled milk."

"Oh, well yeah. I am pissed but not at you. Just something... someone texted me and I don't want to talk to them. Ever," you cross your arms and look down.

Tao sits himself up right and folds the throw blanket. He doesn't press but waits to see if you'll continue or dismiss the subject.

"It was my mom," you start. "Her and I aren't on speaking terms. She ruined my life. My brothers, sister, and I suffered because she was always looking for that next high and we were know for being the druggy lady's kids. It sucked ass!"

He nods and walks over to you and sits back down and his eyes meet yours. Gently he takes your hand and starts rubbing circles on top of it with his thumb.

"And now she-she thinks she can just act like nothing happened! She's all like, 'I'm out of rehab, call me!'. Fuck. No," you tighten up but then feel yourself being tugged into Tao's arms as he gives you a great big bear hug.

He pats your back like you did for him and you feel yourself melting into a puddle of tears.

Tao doesn't speak but he doesn't need to. You know him doing this much is well, a lot. You eventually calm down though but he still holds you, tighter and tighter like he doesn't want to let go.

"My dad left when I was a like nine after he found out mom was getting some stuff from the other realm. She wasn't too into at first since it was hard to get ahold of but she got worse. The easier it was to get the more she got and she worse she was. For fucks sake I came home from school one day and she was hanging upside down midair with a nosebleed from hell! No one should have to grow up like that," you groan as you slump in Tao's arms.

He shakes and his hold on you tightens, "No, you shouldn't have had to have gone through that."

"All I wanted was a normal life! Is that too much to ask for," you pull back a little and look at Tao while tears continue to fall.

The whites of his eyes are black again and his expression is blank as he thumbs away a tear, "You are here now and far from the people who hurt you. Don't let them win by grieving over what they had done to you."

At that you nod, trying your hardest to stop crying because you know he's right. Things always got worse when you cried at what your bullies said or did.

"You're right," you sniffle and wipe your face with your sleeve.

Tao gives you a minute to collect yourself before helping you stand. You feel a little dizzy but relieved to have gotten that off your chest. You hadn't realized how much it had bothered you, how much it really had effected you until the past dug itself up out of the grave. It had been years since you last saw your mother. Her stay at rehab kept getting extended thanks to your brother, but now she's out and she has your number.

A shiver of fear runs up your spine but you try to keep yourself together. Tao pats your head and it's so odd and weird you can't help but to laugh.

"Thanks for hearing me out," you start. "I haven't gotten to vent about all that in years."

Tao looks down at you and nods, "You are my friend and you had done the same for me. I have not felt such relief myself in years. Thank you for that."

"So what do you want to do now? We had our feels fest and all," you laugh a little awkwardly, still not sure how to feel about what just happened.

Tao moves to the nearest window and peers outside and sighs, "It's still raining but not as bad. I should go home soon, I feel as if I might over stay my welcome."

"Nonsense, and besides my grandmother got stark drunk again so I get another free night! How about I teach you some more humany things," you grin at him.

He glares at you, "The last humany thing you taught me was human alcohol and it tasted like liquified rotten crab. I will politely pass."

You double over laughing as you remember his reaction to giving him his first sip of beer. You're not much of a beer drinker yourself but Jessica came with you that evening to check out Tao and well, you both got a little carried away. Tao took a sip and his face was priceless! It looked like he was eating sour candy while sipping rotten milk.

"I promise no human booze will be involved ok," you place your hand over your heart and give him your best puppy eyes.

His glaring continues, "None at all?"

"Not even a drop," you nod.

Tao looks outside again and groans, "Very well, I guess I could stand to learn more human concepts."

~~~~~

You decided to introduce Tao to some of your favorite cooking shows and the guy was practically glued to the TV. You hadn't expected it to go over as well as it did but he got enthralled.

Somewhere along the line you offered to cook again but this time he wanted to help. At first you thought it would be strange to work with him in the kitchen considered the height difference but it was the best time you've had cooking with anyone. Everything went fantastically smooth, from the prep work to the mixing and cooking. Neither of you said anything but knew what to do the second you said what you wanted to make. It was like a dance that ended in the most delicious rice dish you've ever made.

For the first time ever you saw Tao genuinely smile and it made you feel all sorts of things. His eyes, so strange compared to yours practically glowed. You admitted that he was attractive before but him smiling added a whole new level.

Tao notices you staring as he shovels a bite in his mouth, "Is something wrong?"

You blink and shake your head, "No, nothing. You just look happy."

His shoulders slump and he sighs, but he's still got a bit of that smile on his face. "I guess I feel a somewhat happy. I know I feel lighter, less weighed down by my past."

"Good food, good rest, and a good cry session tends to help. Followed by more rest and food," you smile.

"I do feel oddly better. I am lucky to have such a good friend then," Tao smiles at you and goes back to shoveling food into his mouth.

You feel like crying all over again from all these feelings.

~~~~~

After your late lunch, you end up passing out while Tao continues to watch cooking shows. You have no idea how long you're out for but you wake up in the guest room lovingly tucked into bed.

You smell something amazing and sit up and rub your eyes. You follow the sent of heaven to the kitchen and see Tao plating something that makes your mouth water.

"You were out for nearly seven hours," he comments.

You grumble an apology but notice he's not upset.

"You probably needed it like I did after I told you about my banishment. Here," he hands you a plate and fork.

Without hesitation you take a bite and do a happy food dance, "Oh my gods Tao! This is fucking amazing!"

You stab at the food and stuff your face, "Sho fricken good!"

And then for the first time ever you hear him laugh.

If his smile made you feel things his laugh sealed the deal. Yup, you have a certified grade A level one school girl crush on him. But that's it, he's still just your friend. Nothing more.

"Dude, whenever or whoever you decide to court is going to be one lucky lady! Fuck this is good!" you point at him with your fork before digging in again.

Tao's eye whites turn black again and you're starting to wonder if it's some weird thing to do with food. It's not an allergy because you learned the other day merfolk don't have those, they just get dry skin problems. You shrug it off since if it's not something he's mentioned or talked about then you probably shouldn't bring it up, like the purring.

"You think my cooking is good enough to win a mate," he asks you very seriously.

"Hell yeah, and if you get turned down it's not your fault. She obviously would lack any taste and thinks ramen noodles with mayo is better. Dude I would sell my soul to eat your cooking everyday," you tell him while laying waste to the last bits of food on your plate.

Tao blushes and nods as he gives you a strange look. You're probably imagining it you tell yourself because there's just no way a guy friend would look at you so intensely. You convince yourself it's just your silly little crush and get over it.

~~~~

After eating and watching more TV the both of you turn in for the night. Tao looked like he wanted to ask you to cuddle with him again but kept his mouth shut. It was for the best you tell yourself that he didn't ask since it would have only fed into your silly crush even more so.

When you both get up which was oddly at the same time you both eat a light breakfast. Tao notices the lack of rain and says a very fast but kind farewell. He said he's worried that the house he's renting might be in a bit of disrepair after that storm and zipped off.

You have to get ready for work anyway and would rather be gone before your grandmother comes back. You pack up your backpack you take to work and shimmy into your favorite light jacket and head out.

The diner your work at is a pleasant thirty minute walk away. It gives you time to get some fresh air and just not think about things. Unfortunately you can't stop fucking thinking about Tao.

The entire walk there you think about Tao and his stupid handsome smile. The entire morning shift you think about Tao and his stupid amazing laugh. The entire lunch break you think about Tao and his stupid awesome delicious food.

"It's not fucking fair," you grumble as you angrily clean off a booth in your section for the third time.

"I told you," Jessica gloats.

"It's just a stupid fucking crush dammit, it'll pass," you roll your eyes and slap the rag down.

"Yeah sure, you keep telling yourself that," Jes grins.

"Come on you're supposed to help me here," you beg as you slump your shoulders and pout.

Jes grabs you and gives you a hug, "Oh I know it's so hard baby girl, it's just a silly crush on a devastatingly handsome merman and you just can't control your feelings but it'll pass. He's just so nice and no guy has treated you so well and you're just so lonely."

Jessica pats your head and you slouch in her arms, "It's just a silly stupid crush right?"

"Of course it is," she shooshes you and pulls back. "Now chin up and kick ass today. We're getting off early and going drinking down at that horrible merman's beach so we can be his problems."

~~~~~

Jessica drove the both of you to Tao's beach where he was already hot on some sleezebags tail who was bothering some ladies.

"He seems busy, lets get fucked up and make matters worse," Jes grins.

"I just want a buzz and to forget that I have a crush on him," you swing your bag off your shoulder and glare at the beach chair you usually sit in.

"You're hanging with me today. I got an extra beach towel girl," she shows you her pack and starts laying everything out.

Tao is unusually busy today chasing after crazy kids and fishermen who keep getting a bit too drunk. You almost feel bad after you tip back your second wine cooler, almost.

The weird mushy crush feelings have been tampered down by the light buzz and all you want to do is go swimming now. You stand and stretch and head towards the water. You think you hear Tao call out to you but you're not really sure as you swim further out.

You suddenly see a large shark fin in front of you and kick towards it thinking it's Tao until your foot is met with rubbery skin. You quickly sober up and push away from the creature but you see the shark starting to surface as you try to swim away. You feel a hard tug on your arm thinking it's Tao only to be disappointed when you feel a hand grope your chest as they pull you closer.

You struggle out of their arms and turn to see the large shark before you. Your heart stops thinking that this is it until a large fist punches the shark in the face. The creep who had been holding you lets go and splashes as they swim away. You're too stunned to move and just float there as you watch Tao beat up a shark.

You hear him yell at you as he picks you up and swims back to the beach. You hear him tell people to get out of his way. You hear him threaten the man who copped a feel when you were trying to swim away from the shark. You hear him lecture Jes who apologizes to the both of you. You hear him lecture you as he sets you down on the beach chair and tells you not to move.

Jessica brings you some water that you drink and wraps you up her extra beach towel. You start to sob and she does the best to console you but it hurts. You did something stupid and now Tao is mad at you and you think he probably hates you.

She offers to bring you home but Tao tells her to leave you be and he'll escort you home once you're fully sober and his shift is over.

Jes doesn't argue and packs up her bag and leaves.

~~~~~~~~

Tao:

I don't understand why she ignored me when I told her there were sharks in the water. Is her hearing worsened when she drinks that human alcohol?

I should really push to getting those drinks banned from my beach. Humans act too strange when they drink it.

My strange human friend is asleep on the beach chair I bought her. Her eyes are puffy now and she's wrapped up in a towel her older friend Jessica brought her.

I might have been too hard on the both of them but I was angry. My friend put herself in grave danger and almost died because a human male tried to... I feel that rage again when I saw what he was doing. I wanted to rip him apart or let that shark eat him while I swam away with my friend.

Such violence does not pass in this world and would probably upset her.

I watch as the last family packs up their belongings and heads to their vehicle. I wait a few minutes and grab my shoulder bag and her backpack and sling the on.

My friend is in a deep sleep, probably still in shock about the shark... and the way I yelled at her.

She does not deal with being yelled at well and she even told me this but I couldn't help it. I almost lost her, my only friend. Without her, I have no shoal here.

I pause and realize that some part of me has accepted this human as one of my own. That must be why I am overly protective of her, she is all I have as family or friend.

With that resolve I carefully pick her up. She shifts in my arms and settles as I hold her close. She smells like the ocean and the flowers that decorate the small grocery store I frequent. It is a pleasant scent.

I walk her home and knock on the door. I am greeted by a small elderly woman with bouncy curls and large glasses. This must be her grandmother.

She sizes me up which makes me feel oddly small under her scrutinizing glare. I stand a bit taller and fix my posture as she nods and welcomes me inside. I feel like I should act like I haven't been here before as she escorts me to the room with the television. She asks me to lay down my friend on the couch that I napped on while here.

"So, how is it that you two know each other," her grandmother asks me, her eyes sizing me up once more.

"Are you her... boyfriend?" she raises her brows as she sits down on the reclining chair.

I am not quite sure what she is asking. I am a man not a boy but maybe that has to do with my gender. I am a male so that must qualify as the same thing right?

I nod, "Yes, I am."

The elderly woman smiles and places her hand on her heart, "Oh you have to tell me how you two met then."

And at her request I do.

~~~~~~~

You're in your bed when you wake up and still in your swim suit. You don't remember how you got home or anything but you do remember Tao and the beach and oh god!

You shoot up out of bed and run to shower off the beach and throw something on. You run past your grandmother who tried to ask you about something but you can't hear her.

Today is Tao's off day, you know that since he's always bringing you a print out of his schedule. You never go to the beach on his off days, you can't trust the other life guard like you can Tao.

So if not the beach...

Right, he said he's usually shopping for the week on his off day.

You make a beeline to the shopping center a mile away from your grandmother's house and book it.

You have to apologize to him today no matter what. As you come up to the stores you try the little grocery shop with flowers decorating the outside. The lady at the register welcomes you in and you give her a quick smile before someone tall catches you eyes.

You weave your way towards the back and catch him by the arm.

"Tao! Oh god, I am so so sorry about yesterday," you tell him as he turns to look at you.

He looks stunned for a moment and then of course he nods, "You were under the influence of that human beverage. Please be more cautious next time."

You feel a crazy amount of relief then and nearly cry, "So you're not mad at me? You don't hate me?"

Tao stiffens up and looks embarrassed for a moment, "No, of course not. I was mad but not at you. That poor excuse of a male who nearly got you killed is the one I was mad at. I could not hate you, I was just concerned for your well being and let my emotions get the better of me. And for that, I am sorry. You told me you shut down when you're yelled at and I... I will try to not do that again."

"Thank you for rescuing me too, I was being stupid because I was going through something and well yeah. I'm sorry for that too," you shrug.

"We both made mistakes," he says.

"Yeah, like that," you point down to what should be the most illegal thing in the whole wide world, socks and leather sandals. In fact as you look him over in his regular none life guard outfit he looks like someone's dad from the 90s. The fanny pack doesn't help.

And yet I'm still attracted to this hot mess express!

"What is wrong with my attire," he looks himself up and down.

"Nothing, just try not to ever wear socks and sandals again. It looks really silly ok," you crinkle your nose but smile.

"I see, thank you for the advice. So you are not upset with me for yelling at you," he asks with his own brand of puppy dog eyes.

"Nah, I'm over it. How about you, we good," you ask.

"The past is in the past, we both made errors and will learn from them," he nods.

"Yeah. Friends still?" you smile nervously.

"Of course," he agrees then raises a brow. "By the way, what is a boyfriend?"

"I guess you could say they're a male romantic partner that isn't quite serious but could be eventually. I guess you could say they're the only suitor allowed to court the female. Something like that I guess," you give him your best interpretation. "Why? Keep hearing it on the beach?"

"No... your grandmother asked me if that is what I was to you when I took you home last night," Tao looks away from your nervously.

There's some long awkward silence that hangs in there air between the both of you that just swing along with the garlic and peppers.

"Tao... What did you tell her," you ask, crossing your arms.

He inhales sharply.

"Tao," you ask again. "What did you tell my grandmother?"

"I uh... I said yes," he finally admits.

#monster boyfriend #monster x girl #monster x human #monster x reader #monster lover #merman #Tao the merman #merman x reader #monster romance #merman boyfriend #monster love #merman x female reader #monster boyfriend oc #monster bf #slow burn #slow burn romance

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 21 days

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reading updates: august 2024

the good news is that I did a lot of reading this month, the bad news is that honestly? I think that my birthday month has had the biggest percentage of literary letdowns, duds, and outright bullshit than any other month of this year so far.

but at least there's plenty to talk about, so let's get going!

Unlearning Shame: How We Can Reject Self-Blame Culture and Reclaim Our Power (Devon Price, 2024) - uh oh gamers, we're starting on a doozy! I've enjoyed both of Price's previous books very much, but with Unlearning Shame I couldn't help but feel like I couldn't quite shake the feeling that I wasn't getting what I had signed on for. the issue, I think, could be corrected by an adjustment to the title, which seems to be promising a very broad tackling of the concept of shame and is therefore making some pretty big promises. in reality, the book is much more narrowly focused than that, interested primarily in the shame that arises in the activism-minded when they feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of awful things in the world and their perceived inability to do anything about it. fairly early on Price introduces an apparently relatable anecdote about himself and a friend having mutual breakdowns in a grocery store because they were both so paralyzed by the conundrum of trying to buy the most ethical groceries possible, and I realized this book was maybe not really for me or my particular experiences with shame. I think this book will be really helpful for a lot of people for sure, would love to pass it on to a lot of my freshmen, but overall it did not live up to the expectations I brought to the party.

A Separate Peace (John Knowles, 1959) - so I wanted to reread this because someone on here sent me an ask about, I don't know, my favorite required high school reading or whatever, and I said it was A Separate Peace but then I realized it's been over a decade since I read the book and I had to go see if it still actually held up. and god, does it EVER. this is such a brutal and heartbreaking novel, beginning in the last carefree summer that best friends and roommates Gene and Finny will experience before their final year at their boys' private school and their seemingly inevitable draft into WW2. although Gene is seethingly jealous of Finny's seemingly effortless charisma, popularity, confidence, and athletic prowess, the two boys are also inseparable - until a tragic injury changes the course of Finny's life forever. this book is a mess of unspoken pain, from the looming end of innocence on a global scale to the intimate ache of loving your best friend so, so much and having no healthy way to express it because you're a repressed little rich boy in the 1940s.

Deep as the Sky, Red as the Sea (Rita Chang-Eppig, 2023) - Chang-Eppig's debut novel follows the career of Chinese pirate Shek Yeung, also known as Zheng Yi Sao, immediately following the death of her husband, fearsome pirate Sheng Yi. you've probably seen a post or two about her floating around on this very hellsite, calling her a pirate queen and accompanied by this image:

Chang-Eppig isn't interested in portraying Shek Yeung as any kind of heroine or feminist icon; over and over again it's acknowledged that she's simply a woman who has survived massive hardships and will do whatever she needs to do to survive. manipulation? spying? extortion? torture? murder? you name it, she's done it, and she does not feel remorse. while the novel wasn't a knockout for me either in terms of plot or prose, it's nice to see an entry into the trend of "retelling" stories from history and mythology centered on women that isn't determined to justify every step a maligned woman ever made. Shek Yeung is what she is, and her story makes for a gritty, bloody adventure.

Victim (Andrew Boryga, 2024) - this book is pure sleazeball fun; if you've ever wondered what I consider a romp, this is it. Victim follows our manipulative king Javi Perez as he builds a writing career for himself by turning in one essay after another about racial discrimination that he never really experienced, inventing stories of hardship caused by racism and poverty from his college application essay to his school newspaper to the story that finally brings the whole lie crashing down when he stretches the truth too far. the novel is written like Javi's apology in the wake of getting #canceled, and while I do sometimes feel that this premise makes some of the writing seem a bit implausible (why would you admit that!!!) it's a fun setup for a scandal that would have been a bloodbath on the twitter of old. come get your mess!!!

Bad Girls (Camila Sosa Villada, trans. Kit Maude, 2022) - this is my first time reading Sosa Villada's work but OH BOY, do I need to seek out more. this is a skinty little novel following a dramatized account of the travesti (or transgender) women who live and sell sex in Córdoba, Argentina. the women build an unsteady but beautiful and magic-infused family under the protection of the ancient Auntie Encarna. the protagonist (who is named Camila Sosa Villada, no relation I'm sure) watches as her unconventional family grows, changes, and frays over time, struggling to find ways to stay afloat in a world that see them as disposable. Sosa Villada's turns of phrase are brilliant and searing, and she weaves fantastical elements so nimbly into her narrative that it's utterly believable to see women becoming animals and courting headless men in the streets of a modern city. strongly recommend for fans of Kai Cheng Thom's Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars.

Talkin' Up to the White Woman: Indigenous Women and Feminism (Aileen Morteon-Robinson, 2000) - this book serves as a scathing literature review indicting Australia's white women anthropologists and feminist scholars for the ways in which they've dehumanized and discredited Aboriginal women, stripping them of the right to be authorities of their own experiences and barring them from a white-centered feminist movement. Moreton-Robinson's account is excellent, contrasting the wok of white women academics with the accounts of Aboriginal women to reveal exactly how massive the disparities in understanding are. as a USAmerican previously aware of Australia's colonial history but unfamiliar with the specifics, it was jarring to discover exactly how similar the mechanism of colonial violence are between my country and Australia, with countless genocidal parallels to be drawn. one particular highlight of the book comes via my purchase of a 20th anniversary edition, which includes a new post-script by Moreton-Robinson in which she dissects and responds to various criticisms of the book at its time of release, taking several critics to task for the belittling tone they used to describe her work and the tools white feminists use to absolve themselves of blame in the face of critique from women of color. fascinating and thorough articulation of Moreton-Robinson's point, and deservedly blistering. I love when academics call each other out by name.

The End of Love: Racism, Sexism, and the Death of Romance (Sabrina Strings, 2024) - so the thing about this book is that there are really good PARTS. Strings is still an excellent historical writer, and I found a lot to appreciate in, for instance, the segments on the history of Black American pimp culture and the analysis of Playboy and Helen Gurley Brown's Sex and the Single Girl. the more personal segments, where Strings contorts herself to fit her own failed relationships into the narrative she's building, are decidedly less consistent in their quality, with some feeling like they would have been better off staying between Strings and her therapist. there's a long and convoluted digression about Sex and the City, and a strange anecdote towards the end in which String recounts a phone call with a friend's college-aged son who, String believes, was masturbating during the call. a yucky experience, to be certain, but I'm not sure it justifies Strings filing a police report against the youth and his mother, who she accuses of having groomed her on the son's behalf. she also casually drops in the same chapter that she considers herself pansexual because she's attracted to trans men in addition to cis men? idk man!!! this book was so uneven that I found myself genuinely questioning whether Strings' first book, Fearing the Black Body, is actually as excellent as I remember it being. I'm pretty sure it is, but god it sucks to get shaken so hard that you have to wonder!

The Diary of a Teenage Girl: An Account in Words and Pictures (Phoebe Gloeckner, 2002) - another book that I had to read for class, years ago! I read Diary of a Teenage Girl in one of my gender and women's studies classes in my undergrad, for a class with a title along the lines of Girlhood Stories in Fiction and Film. Gloeckner's novel (though heavily informed by her own life, she insists that it's a work of fiction) sees its young protagonist, Minnie, navigating a great deal of sex, alcohol, drugs in 1970s San Francisco. I started thinking about the book because I was listening to a trio of episodes of You're Wrong About in which Carmen Maria Machado guests to talk about the pervasive sham that is Go Ask Alice (great series, check it out) and I started thinking about Diary, which is so much less preachy and didactic and is, you know, actually drawn from a real teenage girl's diary, unlike Go Ask Alice, and lacking Alice's preachy didacticism. as a diary based on a real diary this book is largely lacking in any particular plot (the most consistent through line is Minnie's ongoing and tumultuous sexual relationship with her mother's 35 year old boyfriend), but if that's not a turn off then you'll find yourself rooting for Minnie to find her way all the way to the uncertain but ultimately optimistic conclusion.

One and Done (Frederick Smith, 2024) - okay, so. this is a romance novel that I picked up because I saw a review talking about how it's an incredibly realistic depiction of working at a university. now that's obviously an insane thing to look for in a romance novel, but I like romances, ESPECIALLY gay romances, and I work at a university, so I figured sure, I'll bite. spoiler alert: it's not great. I posted some examples of the prose here, and even if the two protagonists talked like actual human beings it wouldn't make up for the stale-ass plot or devastating lack of chemistry they have going for them. more like One and Glad to Be Done With This Book That Isn't Very Good, am I right, ladies?

Seduced (Virginia Henley, 1994) - guys, I'm gonna be so fucking real with you. this is the most batshit novel I've ever read, period, let alone the most batshit romance novel. this book was the winner of a poll I ran on patreon last month in which my wicked patreonites got to nominate romance novels of their choosing for my next reading project and voted amongst themselves to crown a winner, and against all odds and my own light attempts to sway the voters, Seduced won it all. this book has everything: a historical setting, a bold young lady disguising herself as her own brother, wildly unchecked orientalism, a murderous cousin, high society scandal, and some of the most torturous sex scenes I've ever encountered in my life. truly this write-up cannot do justice to what I have experienced; I've already promised by patreonites that I'll have to do a little youtube live in order to fully express the extent of my dissatisfaction.

and that was the month of August, babey!!!

#bookblr

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wizzdot · 1 month

Text

The Patron Saint of One Way Trips

Ch22

Description: Simon finally breaks…

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

I have lost track of time. The last thing I remember is Graves climbing over me.. or wait.. Kyle..? No, Kyle is in Amsterdam.. My head thumps and my entire body aches. I should never have allowed myself to be so vulnerable in front of Graves.. he was an unmated Alpha for fuck sake.. and I was an unmated whatever-the-fuck-I-am. It was a dangerous move.

I slowly blink my eyes open and try to figure out where I am. I can't hear anyone. It smells familiar.. Whereever I am, it's pitch black and cosy. I feel around and find my phone. I furrow my brow in confusion. I quickly realise that I'm not wearing the crusty, wet, bloody Shadow gear anymore.. I'm in a massive, soft hoodie and some of my leggings that I had bought when John and Kyle took me shopping. What the fuck...?

I use the light from my phone screen to light up the room. MY NEST CUPBOARD. I squeak happily, I'd made it back.. where were the Alphas..? What had I done while I was out of it.. Oh god... I hope everyone made it home safe.. Johnny and the Lieutenant must have went after Graves.. What about Rudy and Alejandro..

It's just past midnight, I realise, when I check my phone. And it was Tuesday. I don't know how long that means I've been out of it.. I decide to get up - my stomach rumbling and my body desperately needing to get something to drink.

As soon as I stand and switch the light on, I see that I'm wearing the Lieutenant’s hoodie. I didn't know he had a hoodie.. I glance down to the cupboard and see so many belongings that aren't mine. I see Kyle's familiar hoodie, Johnny's towel (I can tell it's his because its basically a giant Scotland flag), John's boonie hat and.. wait.. is that a balaclava..? Why would the Lieutenant leave me something.. he - he wouldn't have cared for my comfort. The only thing missing, I notice sadly, is my hanky. Probably gone forever..

The longer I stand, the more and more light headed I feel. Sweat prickles my brow but I feel cold. I stumble towards the door and feel my way down the corridor, in the direction of the kitchen. A particularly harsh stomach cramp rolls from head to toe, causing me to grit my teeth and groan under my breath. I didn't want to wake anyone up, so I stayed as quiet as possible, given the ridiculous time of night that I'd decided to come round from whatever feral state I'd been in.

I finally reach the kitchen and immediately dive into the fridge. Nothing really stands out to me so I step back and look in the cupboards. I find some oranges - labelled 'easy peel' - mmmm.

I slowly peel the first orange and turn to put the peelings in the bin when I get the fright of my life.

The Lieutenant is sitting on the sofa watching me. I can’t help the whimper that falls from my lips, the peeled orange long forgotten as it hits the floor and rolls away under the table.

He stares back at me, with an unreadable expression in his eyes. He is wearing a plain black balaclava now, which leaves much more of his face exposed. It has a much wider eye hole, which means I can see the top of his nose. Oh shit I'm staring...

He clears his throat roughly. "Didn't read the note Kyle left, then" he says bluntly.

What note?! "Uhm.. no, sorry Lieutenant.. what note..?" I whisper back, nervously. Another cramp hits me but I try to control my reaction seeing as I've got an angry Lieutenant staring me down.

"The note on your door. It said to stay in your nest and text Cap if you needed anythin', too late for that now though, eh?" my stomach drops as his gravelly voice tells me how I've disobeyed orders that I wasn't even aware of..

"S-sorry, I - I didn't know.." - "Shouldn't be out here in your state, little one.." he growls.

I furrow my brow "Wh-what state..? I don't understa-"

He interrupts me with a laugh "you can't fuckin' smell yourself..? We've all been holdin' back our ruts since you fuckin' got lifted onto the Helo, clinging to Cap like a fuckin' leech.."

"Wh-what..? I don't remember.. I can't smell myself.. I don't know.." I stutter, tripping over my own words.

The Lieutenant narrows his eyes at my confusion. "What the hell d'ya mean you can't remember...?" he barks at me "What's the last thing you recall..?" he continues.

"Gr-Graves.. on me.." I sniffle - "Then.. I think I blacked out.." I sniff again - "No, you didn't black out, little one, you went feral.. think you started presenting too, Omega.." he says with confidence in his voice.

Something inside of me snaps when he uses the word 'Omega'. I hear the whine before I realise that it's coming from myself. I blush, embarrassed. He chuckles darkly "I did tell ya', little one, don't act all surprised.. you were practically begging Cap and Kyle to give you their knots in the Helo, till you passed out with your nose attached to Price's glands, that is.. Took all of John's control to stop Johnny from snatching you away there and then.. they're all pent up in the pack room right now - been two days and they still aren't out of the ruts you triggered.."

"I - I should leave.." - "S'too late for that.." he warns, shifting his legs wider and leaning forward on the sofa.

"I'm - I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to cause so many issues.." - "S'too late for that too" he chuckles.

I feel a tear drop from my eye, and I hurriedly try to wipe it away with the sleeve of the, far too big, hoodie.

"I-I'll go" I sniff, turning to leave. A large gloved hand grabs mine before I manage to step any further. "Sit down.." he grunts.

I don't respond instantly, just staring at his huge hand and how it engulfs mine - "Oi, sit down.." he reminds me, with that harsh voice of his.

I whimper but sit, obediently. I gulp as another cramp rattles through my body.

"Brave girl, just walking around ignoring those cramps that you're having.." he teases.

"Wh-what cramps..?" I try to lie. I'm not sure why I did that...

He grunts a laugh, turning away and busying himself at the counter. I fiddle with my own hands and pick the skin around my nails, anxiously. He eventually turns and hands me two peeled oranges.

"Here" he grunts. I look between the oranges and his eyes for a few seconds, he isn't a patient man - "take them and eat them.." he growls.

I obey again, nervously reaching out and taking them, pulling them apart, segment by segment, and plopping them in my mouth, one at a time. He watches me intently. I stop, about half way through the second orange and he immediately takes it from me and pulls a segment off and practically hand feeds it to me. I reach to take it from his fingers, but get the feeling that if I hadn't, he would have opened my mouth and placed it on my tongue, until I swallowed. I blush, but allow him to do whatever it was he was currently doing...

I take the last piece of orange and swallow it. "Good girl.. tea?"

I push away the whimper I want to let out when he praises me, and gently nod my head. "If you're making one.."

He moves away to the kettle, and as he turns his back, another cramp hits me. They are getting more frequent. I raise my knees, so I'm hugging myself tightly on the sofa, practically in a ball.

"The others are desperate for you to stay..." I snap my gaze to the back of his head. He stands, facing away, waiting for the kettle to boil.

"I - I don't think that's true.. they just -"

"Shh. They want you to stay. You've made a space for yourself in our pack, like it or not" - "I didn't mean to.." I whisper

"No, but you have, haven't you..?" - "I can call Laswell and ask to leave.." I offer. He growls.

"No you fuckin' won't" - "I don't understand.." I sniff, catching another tear with the sleeve of my his hoodie.

"Stop cryin'.." He rumbles - "I'm trying" - "try harder" he grunts. Jeez, helpful as ever Lieutenant..

"Don't you want to stay with them.." he asks, still turned away.

"It's - it's not that.. I'm intruding. I don't belong here.. I don't want to ruin your pack.."

"I'm not the pack Alpha. S'not my decision.." - "I don't care.."

He tilts his head, confused. Usually the pack Alpha's word is final.

"What d'ya mean you don't care..? - "I mean.. I want my own pack. A pack that wants me. A pack that loves me. I still don't even know what I am.." I sniffle.

"You're a fuckin' Omega.. how many times do I need to tell you - you've drove me fuckin' mad since the moment I fuckin' saw you"

He approaches with two cups of tea. He hands me mine, gently before sitting down across from me with his own cup.

He slowly raises the bottom of his balaclava. I snap my gaze away, refusing to look.

He chuckles under his breath at my reaction.

"Scared to look..?" he teases "scared to see the monster underneath..?"

"No.." I reply, sure of myself.

"Well why don't you take a peek then.." - "Only pack and those you trust.. Johnny told me you don't show your face to just anyone.."

"And you think you fall into one of those categories..?"

I freeze, my brain in a total muddle. I don't understand...

"You saved Johnny. Fuck - you probably saved me too, pullin' that little undercover Shadow stunt. Clever, by the way.. must admit, I prefer you in my hoodie over that fuckin' shit we had to peel off of you.." He growls. I stay silent, still turned away, trying to gather my thoughts.

"When I heard you fuckin' scream.. I'd have skinned Graves alive for hurtin' you. I couldn't bare it, almost lost my rag there and then.."

I raise my arm to wipe more tears that had started falling while he spoke.

"I'm not good with words..I'm fuckin' trying my best here.." I gulp, he sounds vulnerable. Is he letting his walls down..? Or attempting to, anyway..

"Laika..? Turn around, for fuck sake.."

I slowly turn around, with teary eyes and shaky hands. I try to hide behind the cup of tea. I keep my gaze down on my lap.

"I'm sorry" he says. My eyes snap up to meet his instantly. Deep brown eyes. Stubble - blonde? Sharp jaw and a small scar on his chin. That's all I could see.. I stare at him for what feels like forever.

"Stop lookin' at me like that.." - "S-sorry.."

"As much of a monster as you were expecting?" - "Nowhere near.. not even close.." I whisper softly.

"Tell me, would you stay with us..?" - "No.. I don't belo.." - "Why not?" - "You don't like me, Lieutenant"

A pin could have dropped, the Lieutenant goes quiet. Scarily so.

I stand to leave, I place my empty cup down by the sink and turn to leave.

I have my hand on the door handle and the Lieutenant still hasn't moved.

"It'll break their hearts.." his gravelly voice whispers. I pause, facing the door.

"I'm sorry.." I hear movement from behind me and all of a sudden I've been turned around and he is cupping my jaw, softly - softer than I thought he would ever be capable of.

"Why can't you see..?" he groans, almost as if he is in pain.

"Lieutenant..?" - "Simon.. it's Simon to pack.." - "I'm not pa..."

"I want you to be pack. I want you to stay, we all do. I can't watch you leave. I can't watch you break everyone's hearts because I'm too stubborn to open up"

*Ghost's POV*

This girl wouldn't fuckin' listen would she? I've been sat here for half a fuckin' hour, surrounded in her sweet, tempting scent, and she still can't listen.

She is about to leave. You'd be a fool to let her leave like this. DO SOMETHING YOU STUPID BRUTE!!

"It'll break their hearts.." I whisper, as she turns the door handle. By some grace of god, she stops.

"I'm sorry.."

She apologises. She fucking apologises. She is about to leave.. NO DON'T LET HER GO!!

I am off of the sofa in a flash, and she was far too easy to turn around. The way she stares up at me, all teary eyed and broken hearted. Why can't she understand..?

"Why can't you see..?" I ask her

"Lieutenant..?" don't fuckin' call me that..

"Simon.. I'm Simon to pack.." - "I'm not pa..." pack pack pack pack Omega Omega Omega

"I want you to be pack. I want you to stay, we all do. I can't watch you leave. I can't watch you break everyone's hearts because I'm too stubborn to open up"

I've said it, I've finally fuckin' said it.

I close my eyes and wait for her to say something.

"Si- Simon.." My eyes roll back and I purr. I'm Simon to pack.. She is pack..

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

"Si-Simon.."

Could I allow myself a chance at this..? Did I deserve it when I am still paying for sins that I don't even remember..

He doesn't answer me. I reach up and cover his gloved hand with my own, still rested gently on my jaw. That seems to snap him out of it.

He stares down at me with those deep brown eyes. His scent is intoxicating, almost soothing my cramps by being so close to me. I could just stand on my tip toes and sniff him.

I whimper at the thought.

"You need to stop making those pretty little noises in front of me, especially while you're covered in my scent" he growls, softly, reaching around me with his other arm and balling his hoodie into his large hand, pulling me closer.

"I'll take you back to your room. I need to go and cool off.. you and your fuckin' scent drivin' me mad".

I allow him to guide me gently down the dark hallway, his hand hovering over my lower back.

I stop at my room door and open it, turning to stand in the doorway, facing him. He stares back at me.

"What are you going to do now...?" I ask, knowing damn well that he isn't going to go to the pack room.

"Go back to the kitchen, maybe try to read a few pages of my book.."

"Don't you sleep..?" I ask - "Not when I can smell a stressed Omega a few doors away. Remember the night you had your nightmare..? That's why I was awake.."

I gulp - "Sorry.. I didn't realise I was keeping you awake.. I can put blocker spray on" - "NO - No.. I don't want that..." he corrects his tone the second time.

"I - I don't want you not sleeping because of me.."

"It's fine. Just go to bed.." I nod, stepping backwards into my room. As soon as I move away from him and close the door, pain shoots through me.

"Fuckkk" I groan from behind the closed door, only noticing Kyle's note taped to the door as I stand behind it, now.

"You good..?" he is still outside, FUCK

I clear my throat.. "Yeah - Sorry, just another cramp.. I don't know why they're happening.."

I whimper again when another painful one surges through my stomach.

"Fuck this.. can I come in, Omega..?" He growls, hand already twisting the door handle, but pausing until he hears confirmation.

"Alpha.." I whine.

He takes that as consent. He steps into the room and bundles me into his arms, shushing me and cooing at me, instincts clearly in full control.

He lays me down on the bed, stepping towards the cupboard and pulling everything out, quickly reorganising everything so it was on the bed.

"Don't think we'd both fit in your little cupboard, little bird.." he grumbles.

"You're staying..?" I whimper, trying to reach for him.

"Yes, I'll stay - just tonight" he says as he turns the lights off and clambers beside me on the bed that I hadn't yet spent a single night on.

"Just tonight.." I repeat, as if to convince myself..

As soon as he settles near me, I roll myself closer to him and rest my nose against his neck and inhale. "Omega.." he warns me.

"Stop callin' me that" I whimper - "You need to accept it eventually.. might as well get used to it..." he grumbles back.

That isn't the reason, stupid. Every time he says it, I feel a rush of heat..y'know..

"s'not what I mean.." - "what d'ya mean, then, Omega..?" he taunts

Play him at his own game, mutt..

"Alpha.." I whimper into his ear. He squeezes my hip in response, growling. "Fuckin' minx.. Understood, loud and clear.."

*Simon's POV*

I could have claimed her there and then when she moaned 'Alpha' in my ear.

My cock twitches. Behave Alpha!

Don't ruin all the progress we have made tonight.. Don't fuckin' ruin it..

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

I settle against Gho- Simon - and close my eyes.

I allow his scent to wash over me, totally soothing my cramps and making me feel safe, warding any nightmares away.

His purrs turn into soft snores at some point and I follow closely after.

*Kyle's POV*

I wake up at 6am, ready to try and restart my normal routine. My unplanned rut had only lasted a couple of days, thankfully. I leave Johnny and Cap, curled up against each other. I head towards the kitchen when I smell it.

Laika - she's been out of her room overnight. My stomach sinks - what if she'd ran away..? what if...

I'm sprinting back down the hallway in the direction of her room. I don't even bother knocking - opting to just push the door open. It was an emergency.

I don't expect to see her and Simon on the bed together. The perfect picture of peace.

I slowly back away, beaming ear to ear. A flame of hope ignited within me. She could stay. Become pack. She could be ours..

I jog back towards the pack room..

"Alpha.. Johnny.. wake up!!"

"What's the matter,Kyle?" John grumbles back at me.

"Both of you get up!! You've got to see this - C'mon, quickly.. MOVE"

"Christ - this better be important, Gaz.." - "It is, Cap.. C'mon"

I lead the way, Johnny already wide awake and bouncing behind me, sniffing the air, obviously picking up her scent.

"Shhh don't make a sound" I warn them quietly before I step into Laika's room. They were both still fast asleep.

Johnny pops his head around the door and practically drools at the sight. John purrs happily.

He steps forward and shocks me, by climbing into the bed behind Simon. Simon moves slightly but doesn't wake up.

Johnny takes that as an invitation and lays himself between John and Simon.

I step forward and brush a strand of hair from her face. Her eyes flutter open.. "Kyle..?" she whimpers.

"It's me, Love.. gonna climb in behind you, yeah..? Go back to sleep beautiful.." - she nods, turning in Simon's hold to face me.

As soon as I'm laid on the bed, she crawls into my arms and starts pushing her nose into my neck.

"Missed you, Alpha.. gone for so long.." she murmurs against me.. "Oh sweetheart, don't you remember..?" - she shakes her head softly in the crook of my neck.

"Simon says I went feral.. Omega.." - "Yeah, Love - you're an Omega, alright.. triggered us all into ruts..." I say, not able to help the shift of my hips against her.

"Sorry, Love - ignore it" I say, trying to move away and create distance, but the small bed wasn't made for five.

It doesn't matter anyway, because as soon as I try to move away, she pulls me back to her and hooks her leg around my hip.

"Christ, love. Don't move, yeah..? Just cuddle.. just cuddle" I try to convince the Alpha inside of me not to get too excited. She is lined up perfectly. One thrust and-

"Missed you.." she yawns, before resting her head against my chest and falling back to sleep.

Simon reaches around both of us and pulls us closer to him - inadvertently causing my knot to brush against her core perfectly. I groan quietly.

The last thing I hear is the Captain telling Johnny not to get jealous and telling me what a good boy I am..

#abo dynamics #john mctavish x reader #john price x reader #john soap mactavish #kyle garrick x reader #omega reader #poly 141 #simon riley x reader #task force x reader #kyle gaz garrick

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butmakeitgayblog · 8 months

Note

I think your understanding of canon Clexa and their characterization/dynamics is really spot on, which makes me really excited to read your canon story. The ask about canon Clarke being Loud made me wonder what your take would be on how their first time went? It’s obviously a scene that’s been written in fanfic a ton but since you seem to be against the typical “heda got fucked into a nap” narrative I’d love to know what the version of events is in your head?

Oh no, I do believe Lexa got fucked into a nap 😂

I just don't believe that was all that happened, nor that it happened the way a lot of people think 👀

Sorry in advance for the rant.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't agree with some people's fandom interpretation of Lexa being this ultimately hesitant/demure or reserved person. At least not when it comes to how she expresses herself romantically. Now, I'm not shitting on the people who do see her like that and have written her like that for canon by any means because it's certainly understandable given the way she carries herself overall. I do get it.

But to me at least, Lexa is not a reserved person. Not when she's interested in someone. Not romantically, and certainly not physically.

From the very second she decided she was going to go for what she wanted with Clarke - when she decided to be honest and active about her feelings - what did she do? How did she behave?

Well. She took the reins and kissed Clarke exactly how she'd been wanting to kiss her for days

She took command and pushed into the feel of it and chased Clarke's lips to stretch the moment as long as she could

Yes she backed off when Clarke pulled away and said not yet, but that doesn't negate the fact that she very much did exactly what she wanted to do. That doesn't negate the fact that Lexa slipped her hand through Clarke's hair and tugged her in by the neck and kissed the living shit out of her simply because she wanted to.

Now here's where things get jumbled up imo and where people kind of... lose sight of Lexa for who she is. Because after this comes the mountain and then the subsequent betrayal, and after that Lexa is left hanging in this weird love/hate limbo (Clarke's, not hers. Obviously.) Was Lexa reserved during that time? Yes. Because she was trying to be respectful. She assumed Clarked hated her and would probably never forgive her. She felt she'd already done enough damage to ruin any hope for a relationship between them, so all that was left was to be respectful and love Clarke from afar. (That's glossing over many instances of Lexa still, STILL, showing her affections outright i.e. touching her when Emerson charged at her, the vow, showing up to Clarke's room dressed like a harlot a relaxed woman who just happened to like showing a whole lotta leg. You get it)

Which brings us to the afternoon Clarke was going to leave, and my God the girl was devastated. She was holding it together because that's what Lexa's does. Because Lexa was used to losing everyone she ever cared about. That's just how her life went. But also she was trying her best to keep it all together for Clarke's sake. To not make the decision of going back to Arkadia any harder for her than she knew it already was.

But even then, even in her facade of strength for both of their sake, Lexa still gave in and showed Clarke the crack in her armor. Lexa was methodical in everything shw did, and yet still she let slip, "That's why I...". Because she knew. She knew Clarke would understand what she was saying even when she wasn't ready to actually hear it. She let it "slip" because if that was going to be the last time they were together, she needed to at least know that she'd put it out there. That Clarke could carry that with her forever, if she chose to.

And then Clarke fucking kissed her.

Not once, but twice. Lexa gave her a chance to pull and think it over because of how shaky everything still was, but then Clarke leaned in and kissed her again.

And Lexa didn't hesitate again for one goddamn second after that.

Instead she kissed Clarke deeper than she'd kissed her before. Ran nervous hands all over her and caressed at her wherever she could.

She held Clarke close and actually tasted her with all the hunger she'd been pushing down for weeks (whew, thank you Alycia😮‍💨🫦).

She quite literally took Clarke's hands and tugged her to her bed. Like??? Heda really said through body language "oh we are going to fuck" (but... sweeter)

Yes she was patient and gave Clarke a chance to say no because, again, she was still very aware of how tenuous this seeming forgiveness probably was in Clarke's eyes. But that doesn't change the fact that she made it clear what she wanted. She put her affection and her yearning - all of her vulnerability right out there for Clarke to take or leave, and she did it in way that there was no mistaking exactly what she was asking for.

But Clarke didn't pull away, and what did Lexa do?

She grabbed her again. She pushed their intimacy forward again. She tugged Clarke down to the bed and not only gave herself to Clarke, but also took everything she had wanted.

So you see, Lexa was never passive in her expressions of attraction toward Clarke. She was never truly hesitant when it came to physically going for what she wanted when it came to wanting to be intimate with her. She kissed Clarke and she touched Clarke and she reached out for her time and again without shame, only stopping herself when Clarke put a stop to things because Lexa would never take something Clarke didn't openly give.

Which makes me believe Lexa would've been even less reserved when she was finally, finally, allowed to do all the things she'd yearned for. Yes she'd given Clarke the control to begin with because they both needed that kind of reassurance in their intimacy, but afterward? When it was Lexa's turn to show Clarke exactly how much she wanted her?

I believe Lexa would've been exactly who she always was when it came to being in love: giving and expressive, unabashed in her naked want. I think she would've kissed Clarke until their mouths ached and tasted every drop Clarke had to give. I think she would've begged Clarke to moan for her just so she could have those memories of making her lose control to keep with her forever. I think she would've fucked Clarke like it was their first and last time all rolled into one, because as far Lexa knew, that's exactly what it was. I think she would've teased her just to see Clarke smile and then teased her just to hear her whine. I think she would've done everything to stretch the afternoon out even while knowing they were racing against the clock. And I don't think she would've felt hesitant about any of it. Not about giving herself entirely to Clarke, both dominantly and submissively.

Cuz yeah Miss Lexa was a very happy camper after round one

But she sure as hell still wasn't shy about having her own turn

#anon #clexa #lexa kom trikru #clarke griffin #idk if this is what you were looking for but I inevitably go on rants when I answer canon asks before bed 🥴😬#and yeah I do touch on what happened that afternoon in my canon fic 👀#to be posted on an ao3 near you soon... ish

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fairyhaos · 1 year

Text

❍ the 2k event: dino + swingset

alternative title: stupid adorable grin

pairing: chan x gn!reader

genre: non-idol au, uni au, friends to lovers

word count: 1435

warnings: none

event taglist: @slytherinshua @rubywonu @pepperonijem @amxlia-stars @weird-bookworm @hannyoontify @my-moarmy-heart @suminsfav @minhui896 @haocovr @lockburn-castle @sweet-like-caramel @horanghae8 @graybaeismytae @karionice @hopetiger10 @shuabby1994 (also @leejungchans pspspsps)

It's been so long since you've last seen your best friend.

You still live in the same area, but college pulled you apart, with you both travelling and having to dorm in different universities away from your home town, and it's broken your heart to be so far from him for so long.

So now, now you're finally on summer break, and the only thing you want to do is see his face break into that stupid grin whenever he sees you once again.

"Chan! Lee Chan! Turn around, you brat, I'm right here!"

Chan turns around in circles, phone up to his ear, looking for you confusedly. And then he spots you, running down the street towards him, and his face lights up in that stupid, stupid, adorable beam that makes you smile even wider and run faster until you fall into his arms, open and ready to catch you.

He spins you around in his arms, and wow when did he get strong enough to do that? Your phone is dangling in your hand, the call still connected to his number because you'd been too busy to disconnect, and all you can do is hug him tighter and yelp and laugh as your feet leave the floor.

"Oh my god," you breathe once he sets you down, not giving him a chance to talk. "Oh my god, I missed you so much."

"You missed me?" Chan says in disbelief. "Y/N, there's no way you missed me more than I missed you."

"What?" You cross your arms, frowning. "Never! I bet I missed you more."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

You frown at each other, matching expressions of annoyance on your faces, before eventually cracking, laughing and falling instantly into one another in a hug again.

"It feels like it's been forever since I've last seen you," Chan says, and that smile is still on his face, that bright, loving smile that makes your heart feel like it's going to burst. "You have to tell me everything that's happened since I last saw you."

"What, everything?" you say teasingly as he pushes open the playground gate, gesturing for you to walk in first. "Chan, I'm pretty sure I told you everything there is to know during our weekly facetimes."

He just laughs. "Well, I want to hear it again. In person, this time," he adds. "I like hearing you talk."

And, well, who are you to refuse?

The playground has been a sort of… cornerstone of your friendship, for you two. It was where you first met. It was where your friendship almost fell apart. It was where you met up, again and again, where you came to spend time away from the rest of the world, together or by yourselves.

It was also where you realised you were in love with your best friend.

The realisation had hit you, years ago, while chatting on the very same swingset the two of you were sitting on right now. It had shocked you, then, but only for a little while before the shock had faded away. Loving Chan was easy, as easy as breathing. Loving Chan was as obvious and inexplicable as the spark of light that fizzled in your chest.

"—almost died in her exam, but I did it anyway," you finish proudly. Chan watches you the entire time, that grin having never left his face, eyes wide as he listens to you intently.

"Oh, well done," he says, and claps dramatically. You bow your head regally, accepting his applause, and the two of you laugh. "And I expect you did really well on it as well."

You wince. "Okay, since I basically crammed in the two days before the exam and was all loaded up on way too much caffeine, I did… not that well," you say. "But I finished the exam! And I passed! Without killing myself! So I think, all in all, I did really well."

Chan laughs, eyes crinkled, smile big and beaming. "Well, in my eyes, I think you did the best out of the entire world." He ruffles your hair, voice going high-pitched in teasing. "My wonderful Y/N! You did so well, my cutie baby, you deserve all the praise!"

You brush his hand off, pretending to bite his fingers, and Chan just chuckles again. "Yeah, yeah, don't patronise me."

"No, but really," Chan says, laughter dying off, "I know how much you despised that professor. Props to you for getting through her classes. You did really well, I mean it."

His tone is so genuine, so sincere, and all he's doing is telling you something your friends back at uni have been telling you too, but it just feels so much more coming from him.

Especially when he's looking at you like you were the one to hung all the stars in the universe.

You duck your head, making a pfft-ing sound. "Oh, it's nothing. That old cow is just no match for the great and wise Y/N, you know?" you say, intending to elicit a laugh from Chan.

But he just smiles, tilting his head, and now he's looking at you like you're one of the brightest stars in the universe.

Damn this man and your stupid crush on him.

And then he tweaks your nose so hard that you squeak.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"My congratulations," Chan says, eyes wide in faux-innocence. "I was congratulating you!"

You eye him annoyedly, rubbing your nose. "Uh huh." You hold onto the chains of your swing, swaying backwards and forwards. "Anyway, that's all that's been happening on my end since we last spoke. How about you? Anything interesting happen that you haven't told me about through our numerous calls?"

Chan's smile turns a little secretive at that, something soft and mildly mischievous. "Maybe."

Your eyes widen. "Oh? Tell me, tell me!"

"Well," Chan begins, and he looks up at the sky thoughtfully. "I kind of realised that I…like someone."

And instantly your heart is swooping down towards the ground, crash-landing in a heap on the tarmac floor of the playground. "Really?"

"In fact, I think I'm in love with them," Chan continues, and now your heart is trying to burrow down through the ground into the centre of the earth. "I think I've been in love with them for a while. They're just so, so, sweet, so lively and bright and they make my days so much better." He laughs, tugging at his lips. "I just know that I get the stupidest, biggest grin on my face every time I see them."

"That's… nice," you choke out. Your heart has given up burrowing all the way to the centre of the earth and is just lying in a pathetic heap in the shallow hole it managed to dig. Maybe it can be its grave. "Do I know them?"

"Oh yeah!" Chan grins. "You know them really well!"

Well. Who else has Chan been talking to that you know really well?

You swallow. "Who… is it?"

Chan turns to face you now, and he has that stupidly adorable grin on his face, his expression lit up like a thousand suns, and there's so much love and gentleness in his expression that your heart perks up, thinking maybe, maybe, maybe…

"It's you," he says, and your heart is soaring again like it hadn't dug its own grave a few seconds prior. "I like you, Y/N."

You blink, astounded, and your heart is chirruping happily and your head is spinning and oh God, Chan likes you.

You're so at a loss for words that you don't say anything for several seconds, and Chan's grin falters.

"Y/N? Sorry, that was probably really sudden to spring on you. Oh, no, do you have a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend? Sorry, I'm so sorry, I'll take it back—"

And then you're launching yourself at him, in a clash of metal chains and knees and elbows, hugging him with all your might.

"Don't you dare take it back," you warn, and he laughs, adjusting you so you're more comfortable in his arms, hands securely wrapped around your back.

"Does this mean you like me too?" he asks, wow, wow you still can't believe he likes you.

"Of course, you dumbass," you say, hugging him tighter.

He laughs, and it's the most beautiful sound you've ever heard. And then, after a moment: "Y/N, you gotta say it back."

"Say what back?"

"Say you like me too!"

"Oh. Me too."

"No, say it properly."

"Fine, fine. I like you too."

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