#PRIME IS A DECENT SHOW ON ITS OWN

[sophfandoms53]

I AM BITING AND CLAWING AT THE WALLS DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS TO ME AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

[thankskenpenders]

Sonic Prime Season 3: Final episodes, final thoughts

Well, here we are. The final seven episodes of Sonic Prime are out on Netflix, concluding the story of Sonic's adventures in the Shatterverse. I've previously shared my thoughts on the first and second seasons, which I was pretty mixed on, but there were still glimmers of hope. The fluid animation, Shadow being fun in all his appearances, Nine being fairly interesting as a jaded alternate version of Tails, etc. There was enough to make me believe that after some highs and lows there was still the possibility that this show could end on a high note - or at least a decent note.

This did not happen.

Sonic Prime's final season sucks. The ending sucks, and the road to get there sucks. It's left me wondering what the point of all this even was. There are still moments I like that I'll try to highlight, and the animators and voice cast are still clearly giving it their all, but these efforts sadly don't outweigh the overwhelming mediocrity of the story. I would barely even recommend other Sonic fans who are on the fence go out of their way to finish it. I won't begrudge people who got more out of this show than I did, but I think overall I just really, really dislike Sonic Prime.

...The problem, of course, is that all other discussion of the show has been overshadowed by needlessly hostile arguments over its place in Sonic's canon. So we've gotta talk about that, too.

(This post will contain full spoilers for Sonic Prime.)

The show's out of ideas but they've gotta stretch that shit out to hit the 23 episode mark somehow

Season 2 ended with the big twist that Nine decided to betray Sonic and Shadow, taking the Paradox Prism for himself so that he could go turn the empty world of the Grim into his own little paradise, since he doesn't believe he'll fit anywhere else. Nine has made himself the true big bad of the show.

The main impact this has is that now, instead of fighting endless identical Eggforcer bots and members of the Chaos Council over and over, the good guys and the Chaos Council have to fight endless Chaos Sonic-style robots sent by Nine while he goes "grrrrr I need Sonic's energy to stabilize the Paradox Prism." This continues for six whole episodes until the series finale, when the show decides it's time for Sonic and Nine to quickly make amends, fix everything, and send Sonic and Shadow home.

That's pretty much the whole season.

I cannot emphasize enough just how much of this final season is just fight after fight after fight against Nine's bots, and how fucking boring that gets. The season feels like one long, drawn out final battle that did not need to be nearly this long, but Nine had his big heel turn 2/3 of the way through the show and we've gotta fill up the rest of the time somehow. The novelty of the bots being based off of Sonic's friends (including the Chocobo-sized Birdie from the jungle world) really wears off quickly when they're just used as generic, silent mooks that the good guys have to fight by the dozen like it's the climax of an MCU movie. The first episode of the season with Sonic and Shadow fighting the new bots is pretty good, especially because Sonic and Shadow's dynamic is one of the few redeeming aspects of this show's writing, but after that it just gets boring. Three full episodes in a row are spent showing all the characters fighting robots in an empty wasteland while Nine scowls next to a big beam of energy. I found myself missing the in-your-face attitude of Chaos Sonic so much. He truly was one of the best parts of this show.

While the cast is busy fighting all these robots for what feels like an eternity, various things of varying levels of interest happen. There's a halfhearted attempt to have some kind of rivalry between Shadow and the main Grim Sonic throughout the final battle, but it completely falls flat because Grim Sonic has no personality whatsoever. It's like Shadow beefing with an above-average Egg Pawn. (Actually, no, that would be funny.) There's also a death fakeout with the two other versions of Tails, where they make a makeshift bomb and throw it a little too close to themselves on the battlefield and seem to get vaporized. If they had actually died there they would have had the funniest, most pointless deaths in the entire franchise.

I also realized at one point that they were trying to do the Avengers girl power fight thing with the three versions of Amy fighting a bunch of Rouge bots. This was very funny to me. Actually, so much of this is just following the tired MCU formula to the letter. Fighting over a macguffin, two armies just kind of running at each other and clashing in a big empty field, constant one-liner quips instead of actual jokes, the need to take out key targets to make the whole enemy army disappear, a villain who has a point but has to randomly hurt people so that there's an excuse for the heroes to fight him. When combined with how shit the multiverse stuff is, this whole show really is just Man of Action tackling some of the most played out storytelling tropes in modern pop culture in the most bland way possible. What a bunch of hacks.

By far, the one truly fun thing that happens in this protracted final battle is when a giant robot based on Big appears. It doesn't have arms or legs, but it can swing itself around to use its tail like a giant mace, and it can also shoot Froggy-shaped missiles out of its mouth. I wish the rest of the show was even half as fun as this. Again, Sonic Prime has just enough good moments to make you mad that the rest of the show isn't better.

The thing is, all this repetitive (but well-animated) action and the thin excuse plot would be totally serviceable if I just gave a shit about the characters involved. But I don't. I don't care what happens to the pirate version of Amy who goes "arrr." I don't care about what happens to Hipster Eggman. And unfortunately, by the end, I didn't really care about Nine, either.

Nine as a villain

It's hard to criticize the story here without it coming off as a broad condemnation of the tropes at play. The thing is, I like many stories that try to do similar things. I love clashes between heroes and villains that are really just fantastical exaggerations of more personal conflicts. I love stories where a tragic, sympathetic villain lashes out at the world as an expression of the pain they feel, and a compassionate hero just has to get through to them. I eat that shit right up. Undertale is my favorite game ever made. Shit, I love other Sonic stories that do these exact things. And Sonic having to fight an alternate timeline version of Tails also has so much potential for drama!

So I can very easily imagine a version of the show where all this works for me. That just isn't the version we got.

Like I said last time, Nine's motivation is just too sympathetic and understandable for his sudden turn to supervillainy to make any sense. He just wanted to start over somewhere where he can be happy after a childhood filled with bullying and loneliness. Nine betraying Sonic and stealing the Paradox Prism to go make his own world? That tracks! Especially since we don't even know if Nine will still exist if Sonic goes through with his plan to restore his original world! But trying to kill everyone in New Yolk City by tilting the world 90 degrees, intentionally targeting the civilian population because it'll get to Sonic? Nope! Sorry, that's a bridge too far. I don't buy it. He's jaded and antisocial, but he doesn't strike me as cruel. Writing in an excuse about him needing Sonic's energy to fix the Prism does not make this make more sense.

This was really just one of those conflicts where it felt like everyone should stop and talk it out. Instead we got six episodes of fighting before one of Sonic's many, MANY attempts at reasoning with Nine throughout the season finally works. This isn't me pulling some Cinema Sins bullshit where I complain about characters in a work of fiction not always behaving rationally - the real problem is that it's just so damn repetitive waiting for this conflict to resolve. This could have been wrapped up in two or three episodes and instead it takes seven.

A brief aside about that weird Dorkly-ass Sonic Advance 3 flashback scene hacked together with mismatched sprites where Gemerl happens to be present, presumably just because he's a part of the sprite for the Sunset Hill boss, and seeing him briefly makes me remember the extended cast from the games and how much I wish they had just made a cartoon about them instead of a bunch of stock characters wearing the skin of Sonic's friends, but then Gemerl just explodes with the boss machine at the end while Eggman is shown to get away so I guess Gemerl just dies in this flashback

Yeah that sure happened huh

The ending

Despite having a final battle that felt like an eternity, Sonic Prime is a show that just kind of... ends. And that ending is weird and haphazard.

The understanding I had was that Sonic's normal world had "shattered" when the Paradox Prism was destroyed, and from those remnants these new worlds were created. This is why they use terms like "Shatterverse" and "Shatterspaces" and why there's shattered glass/crystal/whatever imagery everywhere. This is a broken, fragmented version of the real universe. Right? Right?? Isn't that the entire premise of the show? And therefore, if the universe has been shattered, then fixing it means putting all the shattered pieces back together. Which I would assume means that the Shatterspaces cease to exist.

So, in the ending... Sonic's world seems to just exist as another Shatterspace. Restoring the Paradox Prism doesn't seem to combine the worlds or anything, it just fixes the broken portal to Sonic's world that exists alongside all the others. So... what exactly was the point of all the shattered glass symbolism?

Things only get more confusing as the ending progresses. Shadow brings Sonic through the portal before the draining of Sonic's whatever energy makes him disappear, and they're transported back in time to right before Sonic broke the Paradox Prism. Only Sonic seems to remember what happened (Shadow might remember, but he doesn't say anything), and with the Paradox Prism never shattered, it's unclear if the Shatterspaces exist now.

I'm not particularly hung up on the time loop ending. It's very much in line with all sorts of classic morality tales like A Christmas Carol or It's a Wonderful Life, where the flawed protagonist goes through some kind of magical experience and then returns home with a new appreciation for the people in their life. It's always been pretty obvious that was the type of story they were telling. I'm more bothered by the fact that there's no time whatsoever spent on whether or not the other worlds and the characters in them continue to exist. Sonic seems to act like the worlds will go on without him before he leaves, but it's not like we get an ending scene that shows how the other worlds are doing, so they really truly might as well not exist anymore. Sonic just wraps up the adventure from the first episode when he gets home, and before he can explain what happened from his perspective he's interrupted by a mysterious energy wave from off-screen and it's off to the next adventure.

(Despite this odd cliffhanger ending, the show is extremely over and not coming back. I have to imagine this is just a "the adventures never end" type ending and not a hint that more shit is going on with the Paradox Prism.)

This ending is also a terrible resolution to Nine's whole arc, despite him being the driving force of so much of the show. The way I see it, there are are three possible fates for him:

The Shatterspaces continue existing, and things go as Sonic expects them to go. Nine is allowed to make the Grim into his own little utopia, and everyone else leaves him alone instead of punishing him for all the trouble he caused. Instead of finding love and acceptance so he can heal from a lifetime of bullying and loneliness, Nine is allowed to run away, isolating himself from every other living being in the multiverse, and live alone as the god of an empty world with only his own creations as company. Sonic was his only friend, and he's gone forever now.

The Shatterspaces continue existing, but because of the time travel ending, most of the events of the show never happened. Sonic never helped defeat the Chaos Council, so they still control New Yolk City. Nine is back to living in this dystopian city with no friends. He never met Sonic.

The Shatterspaces have been erased. After fighting so hard for his right to exist as his own person and not just a "wrong" version of Tails, when the timeline is altered, he just... stops existing. Along with almost every other character in the show.

Do I even need to explain why these are all unsatisfying?

Misc. thoughts

I skimmed over this, but a lot of the final season is just spent seeing Sonic's friends bicker with the Chaos Council and then Sonic has to beg them to get along to save the universe. It gets old.

We also never really got an explanation for why the Chaos Council exists. They can't have come from other Shatterspaces because there ARE no other Shatterspaces. If the original Eggman was just split into five guys or time travel was involved or whatever, it never comes up. I can live with this, but it seems like an odd omission for a children's show that's constantly bogged down in technobabble explaining the mechanics of its extremely small and finite multiverse.

I have no idea where Shadow was for the first part of the final battle. I figured Nine must have captured him off-screen after Sonic first left the Grim, but Shadow was just... hanging around until his cue in the script, I guess?

Sonic saying "help a brother up" to Shadow was funny

Hipster Eggman pointing to one of the few nameless extras who tagged along for the final battle and going "Who are you? Seriously, does anyone know who this is?" was the only funny thing he did in the entire show

Mangy Tails randomly pressing buttons on the Chaos Council's generator like a curious animal and managing to improve its output was cute

Rusty Rose randomly realizes that the Birdie in her chest actually isn't being used as a power source, and that the Chaos Council was just... using that to manipulate her, somehow? I don't really know how that works but whatever

The Sonic Advance 3 flashback uses the actual boss music from the game, but they can't use the real Sunset Hill theme because they didn't wanna pay Masato Nakamura for using the Green Hill motif, I guess

To my fellow fans of bad games: did you know that Man of Action wrote the story for the bizarre Square Enix game The Quiet Man? The one where the lengthy FMV cutscenes play out with muffled audio and no subtitles because the protagonist is deaf, so you can't tell what's going on? And you had to do a New Game+ playthrough to actually hear the audio and understand what's going on? The worst-reviewed game of 2018? That one? I only learned that recently and it blew me away

So yeah, that's the end of the show. I didn't like it, and I don't think I liked the show much as a whole. I am far from alone in this sentiment, but the reasons why people dislike the show... those vary a bit.

The canon conundrum

More than anything else, it seems like most other discourse surrounding this show has been consumed by one talking point:

How can this be canon? Why is it canon?

I want to state very clearly up front that I, too, am a person who's noticed and complained about the inconsistencies with the games in Sonic Prime. Some of the characters are a bit off - or, you know, completely unrecognizable when discussing the writing of some of the AU counterparts. I think it's lame to say Sonic and friends all live in Green Hill and act like that's the entirety of their world. That sort of thing. But if Sega says it's canon to everything else? Sure. Fine. There's weirder shit in the canon.

Really, most of this can be explained away pretty easily. The show was written at a time when Sega was still figuring shit out and there were looser restrictions. Why does Sonic act a little more immature? Probably just because Prime is aiming for a slightly younger audience than the games or the IDW comics. (And also it's, y'know, written by Man of Action, who people have accused of only knowing how to write one kind of protagonist for years.) Why do Sonic and friends live in Green Hill? Because that's the most recognizable location from the games, and the game world doesn't get enough screentime to justify modeling multiple different environments, so they just focus on Green Hill. Why is this considered canon to the games? Because this is the first Sonic cartoon that outright references events from the games as things that have happened to Sonic in the past.

But announcing early on that Prime would be canon certainly let fans' imaginations wander. It was one of the few things we knew about the show before it premiered. People wondered if characters from the games and comics who had never made any appearances in Sonic cartoons might get their time in the spotlight. We wondered if it would tie into the lore or any existing storylines in interesting ways, like the IDW comics do. But above all else, we hoped that its canon status would mean that Sonic Prime would finally be the Sonic cartoon that was faithful to the source material with no catches. We've literally never seen the actual world of the games brought to life in a TV show. Sonic X came the closest, but that still took its liberties. And so hype built for this Canon Sonic Cartoon.

And then it actually came out, and after a brief intro in Green Hill based loosely on the games, it spent most of its running time focusing on things like "what if there was a version of Eggman who was a bratty teen who just wanted to play video games?" The disappointment among fans is understandable. I am disappointed. Look at how much I've bitched about this aggressively mid cartoon.

Some fans, however, came up with an elaborate theory about the series. You see, when asked about the show's place in the game timeline during a live Q&A, Ian Flynn (who only served as a consultant on Sonic Prime and did not write any of it) said this:

"I cannot answer because I know the answer, and you haven't finished watching the show yet."

A couple days later, when answering another question about Prime's place in the timeline and also about a writing discrepancy, he said this:

"As to where it fits on the timeline, I can't speak to it because that would spoil the show to a degree. So you're just gonna have to wait 'til it's done. Towards the other point, I don't know how much I can say, so it's probably better that I not comment. That's a really dissatisfying answer, I know, I'm sorry, but my hands are kinda tied on that one."

I feel the need to quote Ian directly here, because these very basic statements about how he can't talk about behind the scenes shit or anything from unreleased episodes was GREATLY misinterpreted by the fandom. People clung onto Ian's claim that we had to keep watching like a life preserver. Some took it as Ian saying that the ending would explain everything. Finally, we'd have a definitive answer for every little discrepancy and the apparent differences in worldbuilding. An explanation for why Sega and the producers repeatedly insist this show HAS to be canon.

And to these fans, the only explanation that made any sense... would be if the ending of Sonic Prime pulled a Flashpoint.

As this theory explained, the Sonic we were following in Sonic Prime wasn't the Sonic we know from the games and the IDW comics, and likewise the world he comes from isn't really the game world. This is a different Sonic who fights a different Eggman in a world that's literally just Green Hill. It was a hint that something was off all along! But in the end of the series, this Sonic would sacrifice himself to merge all of the Shatter Spaces together and form a brand new world, and that would be the more visually diverse world of the games and comics. According to this theory, Sonic Prime was canon because it was a new origin story for the entire franchise.

I want you to really stop and think about how asinine of an origin story this would be. Really drink this in. The idea that there was another, slightly different version of Sonic who went on a kinda shitty multiverse adventure and then sacrificed himself to create the real Sonic that we've known since 1991. People convinced themselves this made more sense than the simple explanation that a different team of writers got some stuff wrong and Sega didn't make them change it. Interviews where producers talked about drawing on Sonic's "mythology" (ie: they reference the games in the show) were taken very literally - they must be saying that Prime's story is mythological in nature, and that this show would be integral to the games' mythology. Why bother making a show that's canon if it's not going to be crucial to that canon, after all?

The final episodes dropped, and none of this happened. Because of course it didn't. It was all Sherlock fandom-level copium. But fans were left confused by the lack of a grand reveal of where Sonic Prime fits in the timeline, believing they had been promised this, and they turned to Ian for an explanation. Ian's answer:

It doesn't matter, b/c Prime wipes itself out. It's sometime after Advance 3*, but otherwise, it's moot. I didn't want to sour anyone's expectations or investment by spoiling how Prime resolves, that's all. If you enjoyed it, awesome. Savor it. If you didn't, then you can safely ignore it. Simple as that.

* About a trillion people have um, actually'd Ian to point out Orbot and Cubot briefly appear in the show, but if we're really being pedantic here we don't actually know how long before Colors Eggman built Orbot and Cubot, so it wouldn't be fully accurate to say a story featuring Orbot and Cubot couldn't be set before Colors. Either way, a story set anywhere around Colors, or at any point later than that, could still be described as "sometime after Advance 3." Advance 3 is just the most recent game that has specific in-game events referenced in the show. Yes I can feel myself morphing into the nerd emoji before your very eyes

Anyway, this is the latest reason Ian is getting death threats on Twitter. This time it's over a show he barely even had any input on!

I'll cut to the chase. It is truly wild to me that people are getting this heated over canonical inconsistencies in a series as historically inconsistent as Sonic, to the point that they think threatening Ian is justified. The aesthetics of the entire world Sonic inhabits change every other game. Sonic Chronicles may no longer be canon due to the Penders lawsuits, but it was canon at one point, and it took huge liberties with Sonic's world, moving Green Hill off of South Island and reinterpreting Station Square as a tiny outpost in a snowy alpine forest region. Characters' personalities change from writer to writer and based on what Sega wants at the time, with some being WILDLY different across different games. One game Sonic will be stoic and cool, the next he thinks "Baldy McNosehair" is the funniest thing ever. Sega's STILL trying to figure out what Amy's personality is supposed to be. We still don't have the explanation for how the two seemingly contradictory backstories for Blaze can fit together. There have been multiple huge, sweeping retcons, and retcons to those retcons. Sonic Forces claims that Classic Sonic is from an entirely different universe than Modern Sonic, and the plot only makes any sense if that's true - otherwise, Modern Sonic would have already known Eggman was going to beat him and take over the world when he did, because his younger self had already lived through that war. All of that makes no sense in the newly reunified timeline, but Forces is very much still canon.

For fuck's sake, we're talking about the series where Eggman blew up half the moon and then it looked completely normal in every other game after, explained away as "the moon just rotated so we can't see the destroyed side from Earth." This has never, ever, ever been a franchise where everything lines up perfectly with no issues. It's not that serious.

The real core problem with Prime isn't that things don't line up 100% with our current understanding of canon, or that Sonic's characterization means this can't be the real Sonic, or anything like that. The problem, as I've been saying this whole time, is that the story is bad. None of these discrepancies would truly matter if the story was better. They'd just be nitpicks. The fact that Sonic and friends live in Green Hill would be the farthest thing from my mind if the drama was more engaging, if the villains were better, if the jokes were actually funny, if more of the alternate universe counterparts of Sonic's friends had more than one generic character trait each, if the multiverse was more creative and varied, if the final seven episodes of this show didn't devolve into the third act of an MCU movie and then just arbitrarily end, if Nine's character arc actually had a satisfying conclusion instead of ending with either isolation or nonexistence. Maybe we'd be seeing people talk about more than just whether or not it should be considered canon if the writing was any good.

"Canon" is not real, and it sure as hell isn't worth sending people death threats over. It's a storytelling tool. Real human beings decide what does and doesn't go into that canon, or how much they do or don't want to draw on past stories, when creating a new story. Serving that canon is secondary to creating a story where the emotional truth resonates with the audience. And Sonic Prime failed to do that. That is its true failing.

And finally, to close out...

Since people will ask, here are my current ranking of the Sonic TV shows, now that Prime is finished.

Sonic Boom

Sonic SatAM

Sonic X

The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog

Sonic Prime

Sonic Underground

Yes, I'd say Boom is my favorite. It's far from my ideal Sonic cartoon, but it gets a lot of points for being as funny as it is. But the top four are all shows I'd say I like, more or less. They all have their pros and cons.

So now, uh... I guess let's hope the live action Knuckles show coming to Paramount+ is better than the underwhelming synopsis of "Knuckles helps deputy sheriff Wade train in the ways of the echidna warrior" would imply? Maybe we'll get lucky?

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

It's Valentine day, and some fan service when Crewel daughter lost a bet and wearing a bunny outfit that hugs her curvs bit too well ( think of Jessica Rabbit level of sexy ) and all confident of her body as she sings on stage for them

All the boys reaction seeing both display and the show

I'm not doing all of them

🖤🖤🖤🖤

Valentines Performance | Yandere TWST x Crewel Daughter Reader

First and foremost Crewel’s daughter never loses a bet

But charity does look good on her record so she’d do it

Heck you might even suggest it

“What? I know from my head to my toes that I’m practically irresistible. Of course you’d want me to be the main performance.”

You wouldn’t do it for just some boys wishing to ogle you for their own desires

That would be of no benefit to you

In fact, you’d force Crowley to pay

Who in turn forces your admirers to cough up a significant amount

But if you’re going to go through the trouble of dressing up and performing it will be for a good cause and for a good paycheck

So many lonely, sad people on such a day is something a princess shouldn’t ignore

If you have curves than great but even without you’re just as alluring 

But like everything you do it has the boys drooling:

Azul Ashengrotto

He was proud to be apart of the latest cashgrab charity that the school was fundraising

And he was even happier to call upon you under that pretense

Its been years since he’s heard you sing

He can only imagine what its like now 

And with the excuse of being practice he’ll hear the chords you so casually ring out as the charity dinner is mapped out

But only when you’re fully made up and singing does he feel like his investment was truly worth it

“A-a-ah (Y/n) that was–”

“Amazing, I know. I can tell you’re excited but don’t go inking all over the floor before the finale.”

“Y-yeah.”

He really does have to stop himself 

He’s just so enamored 

One day he’ll have to ask trick you into singing a serenade to him

“A mate’s song needs to be, at the very least, decent enough to attract. Naturally, (Y/n) would exceed that, she truly is a prime mate and the only one I’d ever bother chasing after.”

Kalim Al Asim

He loves that you’re scheduled to perform

Money isn’t an object anyway so he’s happy to pad your paycheck and donation

He just loves loves loves anything you do 

You could go outside in a chicken wunzie and sing horribly he’d still fling his money in your direction

But as he watches you appear on stage make up done, dress hugging tight something burns

His cheeks get warm and suddenly his clothes feel too hot to wear

A yearning that Kalim barely acknowledges to dangerous takes over and he’s in a daze for the entirety of the night

Don’t interrupt the performance 

Don’t bother him while he’s watching you sing in that sultry tone

Or you can see what its like when Jamil’s happy to follow Kalim’s orders+

“(Y/n) you should sing more often! Your voice is so beautiful!” 

“Thank you, Kalim.”

“Will you be doing another set? I’d love to play along side you!”

He’ll be replaying your performance in his head for years to come

Always letting a smile come to his face

“Wow I can’t get her voice out of my head! Maybe I should ask her to sing to me everynight!”

Vil Schoenheit

If he isn’t hired himself to join you he’ll donate his talent with a small fee

But to be seen by millions as the most beautiful dream couple 

Neige could never

But ego aside he loves nothing more than performing with you side by side

Brought back to the days you two would make little plays and shows for your fathers to watch 

Now this was just fate in work, wasn’t it

That you two would be preparing a duet that’d have the world talking for weeks 

“Are you ready to delivery our harmony of ecstasy?”

“You know I am. I like your trim by the way.”

“And I yours. Though we both know anything you wear is better than couture.”

For this moment and this moment only will he encourage the hunter to share his recordings

He won’t be able to hear your voice out in the crowd

But it couldn’t compare to the sound of being beside you

As it was always meant to be

“Becoming a duo? Who’s to say? We both have big plans for the future but naturally we’ll be together asitsalwaysbeen.”

[arealphrooblem]

Kidnapped by the Boss Part 6

Part one here

Synopsis: Civilian is a secretary to the Prime Minster. But when the political summit between the city states goes awry, she finds herself kidnapped by the very boss she tried to protect and nothing is what it seems.

CW: Hunger Strike, disordered eating *summary of chapter will be at the bottom for anyone who wants to skip it.*

Breakfast was delivered via servant a short while after he dropped her off. Her stomach roiled at the sight of all her favorites carefully arranged on the tray. It reminded her, quite forcefully, of how her grandmother used to wrap bitter pills in peanut butter balls or turkey for her ailing dog.

He wanted so badly to preserve the relationship they had before, as if he hadn’t completely obliterated it himself. He must have thought it would keep her complacent when her fear faded out.

He thought he knew her, but he had only ever seen her at her job. And sure, some days were hard and he caught a glimpse of her frustration or anxiety. As the years bled into each other, he learned little things about her, like her favorite foods or the TV shows that she rewatched obsessively.

But he never actually saw her. Even at the height of her newfound crush on him, Val kept a tight lid on any unprofessional slip ups and her personal life rarely leaked over into her job.

He thought patient, reliable, helpful Val was the only facet of her being. He knew nothing of the depths of her rage, her pig-headed stubbornness,

She took a slice of toast and threw the rest in the trash.

“Knock knock, Val. I hope you’re decent.”

The driver’s voice sounded about two seconds before the door opened. Of course, by the afternoon Val had already showered and dressed for the day. Still, it was a little unsettling how little time he’d give her if she wasn’t.

“Does it ever get old, coming here to irritate the shit out of me?” she demands, crossing her arms.

“Angel, it got old the first time.” He rolled his eyes. “Do you think it's my choice to be here?”

“Do you actually have free will or are you just a highly realistic robot?”

“Do you want a tour of the castle or do you want to stay stuck in this room?”

“ . . .What?”

“Apparently the rumor goes that your incredibly lavish and luxurious rooms are not good enough for you. So I’ve been tasked to show you around, let you stretch your legs or whatever.”

“Stretch my legs?” she repeated skeptically. “Where? Over the edge of the roof?”

“Or, you know, to the library. Or the zoo.”

“There’s a zoo here?”

The driver waved his hand dismissively. “Technically a rescue animal sanctuary. He calls it a menagerie because he’s pretentious as hell. But let’s be real — its a glorified petting zoo.”

A zoo and a library. Val had to admit both intrigued her greatly. Staying in this room did her no favors, mentally, with nothing to do but stew in her own fear and frustration.

She opened her mouth to comply and then promptly shut it closed.

Bitter pill. Peanut Butter.

Any kindness from him came with strings, no doubt, so he could yank her around like a little puppet.

“No,” she said instead. “I’m staying here.”

The driver’s eyebrows shot up. “You don’t need to be afraid. I’m not going to kill you unless he asks me to — no matter how annoying you are. And if he does, I’ll snap your neck. Quick, efficient. Shoving you off the roof is cowardly and makes too big of a mess.”

It was her turn to roll her eyes. “That’s very thoughtful of you, but it has nothing to do with that. I just don’t want to go. You can tell your king to stick his zoo and his library up his ass.”

The driver gave her a long stare. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a stubborn fucking idiot?”

“Once or twice.”

He shook his head. “If you want to go slowly insane in this room, have at it, I guess.”

Lunch came. Her stomach growled at the sight of her favorite sandwich but she forced herself to throw that away too. (she ate the pickle spear though). He wanted something from her and he wasn’t going to get it just because he plied her with food and entertainment.

 A cage was a cage.

She didn’t even bother to check what dinner was. The tray and lid sat untouched on the table for the servants to whisk away tomorrow.

Hunger woke up her up later that night, her mouth dry. Head dizzy. Her stomach cramped with it, a howling beast. It was so tempting to tear the lid of the dinner off and eat it with her hands that she went and locked herself in the bathroom for a while.

A few handfuls of water from the sink was all she allowed herself. When she felt strong enough, she set the tray in the bathroom floor and shut the door to block the temptation. Sleep claimed her for a long time.

“My lady. You need to wake up.”

A hand kept delicately patting her shoulder, chasing her out of another nightmare. She jerked awake, scrambling to sit up in the bed.

One of the servants, a woman old enough to be her mother with a calm but impassive face, stared down at her. Her uniform was immaculate.

“I’m sorry,” Val found herself saying. “What — what time is it? Has something happened?”

“It is nearly eleven, ma’am. His majesty will be here in roughly ten minutes with breakfast. I advise you to dress.”

“Ten minutes?” she squawked.

“Do you need any assistance?” the woman asked.

God her head was splitting now that sleep started to fall away. “Painkillers?” she asked weakly. “My head hurts.”

To her surprise, the woman gave her a stern look. “I’m sure it does,” she said with a bland tone that did not match the look in her eyes.

The woman swept off through the door without another look in Val’s direction.

What was that about? she wondered as she stumbled to the dresser. But the fogginess in her head lay too thick to figure it out. She felt like complete and utter shit and the last thing she felt ready to deal with was him.

The bed beckoned her with its feather pillows and down comforter and high thread count sheets. She stared longingly back for a moment, debating on how convincingly she could pretend to sleep when he showed up, before sighing and putting on a fresh change of clothes.

She had just tamed her hair into another pony tail when a knock came from the door.

“Rise and shine, princess,” said the driver’s voice.

Goddamn it. She had to deal with both of them.

“Can we reschedule?” she yelled out. “I’m busy.”

“I’m afraid not, love,” said the king’s voice.  “I’d rather not wait.”

She did not like the sound of that. “Fine,” she growled. “Let’s get this over with.”

The door opened, the driver propping it open with his foot as the king stepped in with a large covered tray.

“I don’t know why you bother with knocking,” the driver muttered. “It’s not like her permission matters.”

“Because I have manners,” the king sniffed, setting the tray down on the table. “Unlike some people.”

He looked up and gave her a wink, as if sharing an inside joke.

“You don’t keep me around for manners.” The driver hopped up on her unmade bed, pulling a knife from his belt and setting it on the comforter.

“Make yourself at home,” Val said scathingly.

“How generous of you.” He bared his teeth in a dangerous smile. “I think I will.”

The king made himself busy setting out the spread. Toast and jams and sausage links and cubed cheese and a thermos of coffee with delicate china cups.

“Children, play nice. It’s not even noon. Val, please, heave a seat.”

Just looking at the food made her stomach rebel, even as the rest of her body desperately craved it. The smell invaded her nose, making her swallow back a gag. God, why couldn’t she just sleep all day? It’s not like she had anything else to do.

“Why are you here?” she asked. “What do you want now?”

“I have something for you.” The king lowered himself down in the chair opposite of her and gestured for her to do the same. “But first, we should eat.”

“I don’t want it.”

“You’ll think differently when you see what it is. Now sit.”

He gave her a warning look, the danger of his true self slipping out from behind the mask. Val sat, feeling the presence of the assassin behind her with a knife like a prickle on the back of her neck.

“Which jam would you like on your toast?” he asked. “We have peach, strawberry, lemon chardonnay, and cherry.”

“No thank you,” she said through gritted teeth. Her stomach felt as if it were trying to eat itself.

“I insist you try the lemon chardonnay, it’s phenomenal. I have it every morning.”

He covered a triangle of toast in a thin layer of bright yellow jam before setting it on a tiny plate and handing it to her. The citrus smell washed over her, intoxicating. Any other time she would have devoured it. She loved lemon flavored pastries and he knew it. Which was why it didn’t cost her much to set her plate down off to the side  and ignore it.

The wave of twisted self satisfaction more than made up for her hunger.

Next he poured her a glass of clear water from another thermos and slid it over to her.

“Water?”

“I’m not thirsty.”

She wanted to drown herself in that glass of water, but she’d rather drop dead than give him that satisfaction. He wanted her to eat and drink so badly. He wanted her healthy enough to pretend that her life wasn’t in his hands. To forget how responsible he was for ruining it.

She wouldn’t let him.

“You are thirsty, though,” he said, his stare cutting her from across the table. “Because you haven’t eaten or drank anything in almost three days.”

“That’s not true.”

She had a pickle slice. And a piece of plain toast. And some water from the sink. His gaze narrowed, though, the previous warmth in his gaze clouding over.

“Oh but it is. The servants have found your food in the trash after every meal, save for last night’s dinner, which they found in the bathroom while you were sleeping.”

“I’m still figuring that one out,” muttered the driver from behind her.

“Why does it matter what I do with my food,” she retorted.

Silence answered her. Silence and that unnerving gaze pinning her down like a push pin in a cork board. She fought the urge to squirm under it, to feel like a student confronted by an angry principal. Though only a decade separated them, she felt like a child around him at times. A silly, clueless child.

But of course . . . He wasn’t actually a decade older. He was several decades older. Over a century older, at least in his mind.

“Val.”

He kept using her name like it meant something to him and it pissed her off.

“Eugene,” she said, his old name still feeling like sacrilege to the part of her brain still clinging to her previous professionalism.

If it bothered him, he showed no sign.

“I know what this is,” he said finally. 

Her hackles raised.

“Breakfast” she said, raising a brow.

“Control,” he countered. “Rebellion. Whittling yourself down to spite me.”

She hated how easily he saw through her. How well he could guess what laid under her professional mask when she couldn’t get a read on him at all.

“Maybe I don’t like the food,” she said, purposefully obtuse.

“Nonsense,” he said dismissively. “I know everything you like.”

“You’re not going to get anywhere because of that,” she snapped. “I’m not a kid you can bribe with candy and a trip to the zoo.”

“So that’s what this is.” He leaned forward in his chair. “I’m not trying to bribe you, Val. I’m just trying to feed you.”

“Well I don’t want to eat it.”

“Would you rather I send you food that you hate? French onion soup and pork rinds and spicy curry? Would that make you feel better?”

“I’m not eating anything that you give me.” She crossed her arms, fingers clenching tight at her sides, feeling as if she were digging and digging further into her own grave.

She would rather die than give him any kind of satisfaction and it scared her that that thought could be literal. But she didn’t know how to back down yet she couldn’t stomach the thought of giving him the one thing she could deny him when he had taken everything else.

“For how long? Because I’m not sure if you noticed, Val, but the only food available to you comes from me.”

She shrugged, not having an answer. It’s not like she planned a hunger strike. But refusing to eat fueled the rage simmering inside her and that felt so much better than the fear. It felt like she could do something, even if it only hurt herself.

His gaze flickered over her shoulder for a moment before returning to hers.

“It stops today. I am not leaving this room until you eat something.”

“You’ll be waiting a long time,” she retorted with bravado she didn’t feel.

Especially with the hands that dropped suddenly onto her shoulders. She launched forward, even when she had nowhere to run, but the hands grabbed her wrists and pulled her arms back behind the chair. Tugging only brought sharp pain in her shoulders, the driver’s hands a shackle around her own. 

The king stood up and stepped towards her. “You will eat today, by your hand or by mine. The choice is yours. And if you make either impossible I will chain you to a hospital bed and an IV drip. To be fair you might be close to that already with your dehydration. So we will start with that glass of water.”

He plopped a glass straw into the cup and held it out for her.

“Why does this matter so much that I live?” she demanded. “That I’m healthy? What does it matter to you what I do to myself?”

For a moment he didn’t answer. Then he set the glass back down on the table and knelt down on one knee beside her chair, hand resting lightly on the arm. It brought him a few inches under her gaze so he had to look up, dark eyes fathomless. She couldn’t tell what emotion shone out of them, but it burned unfiltered.

“I must admit, when I pulled you into the car and onto the plane I didn’t know what I was going to do with you,” he said quietly. “ But I never considered torture or punishment — you’ve done nothing wrong. And yet, it didn’t matter, because you have done nothing but torment yourself since you got here.”

She broke away from his gaze, her stomach twisting uncomfortably, but he didn’t stop. 

“You don’t sleep and then you stop eating. You live in constant fear despite our reassurances that you’re safe. I try to give you comforts, things to make you happy and you reject it all. It’s not meant as a bribe to lull you into complacency or servitude. The reason why you’re here is because you cared about me enough to risk your safety and I refuse to have you punished for it but that’s exactly what will happen when you go back home.” 

Fingers nudged her chin until their gaze met again. 

“I’m trying to give you a life here. Bit by bit. Will you let me?”

He looked so beseeching, so soft. It hurt. She wanted to believe it so bad. 

“You tell me I’m safe but  you’ve threatened my life multiple times since I got in that car,” she pointed out. “You both have. He especially loves to point out how I live on borrowed time and borrowed favor,” she added, jerking her chin back towards the driver. 

Ice settled in those dark eyes as he flickered them over her shoulder. Immediately the driver released her arms, relief following immediately afterwards. She shook them out, then cradled them to her chest. 

“Rook has a penchant for practicality that borders on the sociopathic,” the king said. “And I haven’t threatened you so much as warned.” He took one of her hands in his. “I’ve been building up to this moment for three lifetimes and I cannot allow anyone to stand in my way. Not even you. So long as you don’t actively impede me, you have nothing to fear from me.” 

She swallowed. “You’re a very terrifying person for someone who wants my trust.”

He smiled then, a soft rueful thing. “I was not always so. Will you trust me, anyway, Val?”

And this was why he was elected, she thought with a mental shake of her head, despite his vague past and unknown status. 

“I will . . .consider it,” she said slowly. 

“And will you eat with me? . . . .Please?”

Val sighed deeply, knowing she lost this round. “Yes.”

His smile spread, slow and bright, like the sun coming up over the ridge and butterflies rioted in her chest to meet it. Goddamn it. If kidnapping and captivity and threat of potential murder wouldn't kill this stupid crush, did she have any hope at all of ever being rid of it?

Tag list:

@rivalriotrenegade @sunyside-world @fishtale88 @those-damn-snippets @suspiciousmuffin @thats-alittle-gay @girl-of-the-sea-and-stars @tobeornottobeateacher @burningkittypoet @kurai-hono-blog @clover-sage

Summary: Val goes on a spontaneous hunger strike, not really intending it to be one but because she sees serving her favorite foods as a bribe to get her to comply. She compares it to the peanut butter her grandmother wraps medicine in for her dog.

After three days of very little to eat and drink, the king and the driver visit with breakfast. The king tries to force her to eat, Val and the King have a confrontation when she refuses, and he admits that he isn't trying to bribe her, but to help her make a life here since she will be punished if she ever went back home. He doesn't want her punished just because she cared enough about him to look for him in the parking lot. Eventually Val agrees to eat again and she says she will consider trusting his word when he told her he didn't want to hurt or kill her.

[khruschevshoe]

OFMD Critique: Izzy Hands, "Burying Your Cripples," and That Fucking Finale

(Note: this is a cleaned-up/expanded version of a post I made earlier regarding disability rep in this show bc I was chatting with @itswhatyougive and @notthewriteryourelookingfor about "Burying Your Gays" and the parallels with the "Burying Your Cripples" trope in media, which is often more insidious because people are less primed to notice it and call it out.

Also, although I am analyzing a trope in media in the most unbiased way I can, I am going to get angry. Because this is a show that did its job at making us care about its characters and their portrayals and you can't get mad at me that I did just that.)

On a fourth note when it comes to the problems with the writing in this season of ofmd...the handling of disability. Because good God.

To preface this before anyone jumps down my throat about getting upset: I am disabled myself, both physically and mentally. I carry a small laundry list of mild to moderate conditions that impair my daily functions. I understand what it is like to desire to see characters that carry disabilities similar and dissimilar to my own onscreen. I also understand that there ARE multiple disabled characters in OFMD (ex. Jackie with her wooden hand, Ed with his knee brace, Pete with his cleft palate, Lucius with his mentioned bad back/wooden finger). I UNDERSTAND that these were all generally handled decently well, incorporated without drawing attention to them (although the disappearance of Ed's knee brace was strange to me in season 2, even that I could get with bc personally I only need to use my cane when my knee flares bad and can walk perfectly normally the rest of the time without an aid).

Which is all to say: the way that Izzy's death was written is insidiously (likely unconsciously, but still) ableist. His entire arc this season revolves around community and recovering from trauma and accepting himself both in a queer sense and a DISTINCTLY DISABLED sense. The way he remarks upon his own disability and his acceptance of himself and the way that the show is written to have his crew member ACCOMODATE him joyfully as an EXPLICIT SYMBOL OF LOVE was a breath of fresh air when it comes to disabled characters. I also enjoyed the way that he pokes fun at it occasionally in the same way that I do with my coworkers/friends (joking "oh really, you're going to ask an invalid to do that?" *gestures at my cane*).

But that ending. God, that fucking ending. *vehemently taps table* The fact that this character who opens up, who is accepted for both sides of his identity after dragging himself through the fucking pits over them, is killed. BECAUSE HIS MOBILITY AID COULD BE SEEN BY THE ENEMY. BECAUSE HE WAS SEEN AS UNIQUELY VULNERABLE. And then they FUCKING PULL HIS MOBILITY AID, the very symbol of his acceptance, from his FUCKING BODY SO HE CANNOT BE BURIED WHOLE?

I'm sorry. I really am. I don't mean to get furious about this. But as a disabled person who saw such hope in this character, who saw a storyline about a part of myself that is rarely displayed onscreen (that slow acceptance of the part of yourself you considered broken + the acknowledgement of love by your family/community in the form of loving accommodation without complaint), this hurt me at a very primal level that I didn't know I could be hurt at.

Bringing this back around to the "Burying Your Cripples" trope: the reason why an ending like this is so horrifying is because it is very much telling you that you can have a healing arc, that you can finally find yourself accommodation and acceptance, and it doesn't matter. Your disability will be the thing that kills you.

To people who say that this ending is justified because sometimes death is just random like that, that saying that death makes healing not worth it, I get what you're saying. In real life, of course you're right.

But this is a CLOSED NARRATIVE. It is a story with BEATS that MATTER, made of decisions by writers who had to purposefully decide to put scenes together. There's a reason they're called "arcs"- they're supposed to aim at a specific point. IF YOU LET EVERY CHARACTER IN A SHOW LIVE THROUGH THINGS THAT SHOULD HAVE KILLED THEM EXCEPT FOR THE DISABLED CHARACTER, YOU ARE MAKING A FUCKING POINT WHETHER YOU REALIZE IT OR NOT. Izzy's death is not showing "random chance" or "the risks of piracy"- HE DIED BECAUSE HIS MOBILITY AID WAS VISIBLE.

Lemme repeat that: costume concepts showed that the original design of Izzy's naval outfit covered his wooden hoof. It was a conscious decision to have the shot of the naval officer looking down at Izzy's leg, at his exposed leg, and pinpointing him as the weak one despite there being entire scenes dedicated to showing that he was still as strong as the rest of them. In a show where the budget and runtime was restricted, not a single shot or costume decision was on accident. They had to pay more to green screen in that leg.

If Castiel went to superhell because of his gay confession for Dean, then I cannot think of a clearer way to Bury Your Cripples than having Izzy die because someone saw his mobility aid.

Do I think they did this on purpose? Well, no more on purpose than David Jenkins looking at Izzy's Hayes-Code-era gay coding/arc and saying that he knew that Izzy would have to die because that's what characters like that do. No more on purpose than saying that the mentor character had to die because that's what characters like that do.

Izzy's disability was visible, was the cause of his death, because "that's what happens" to pirates who gain disabilities. They are weaker. They are more at risk.

I'm sorry, but fuck that.

Fuck the idea that in a show that created a careful space in its narrative (for a season and a half at least) for queerness to be treated ahistorically kindly, that often disregarded geographic, historical, and medical accuracy to tell a compelling story, and that purposefully provided racial and body diversity while calling out racism, that the disabled character getting offed is a "kind ending." It's not. It never has been. And I'm tired of accepting that sort of thing.

I am SO GLAD that fanfic exists with better depictions of disabled arcs/endings in OFMD bc I don't know if I could recover otherwise. Hope my fellow disabled folk out there are recovering as well, and that they understand that there is positivity to be made out of poison- it just wasn't what the finale gave us.

[karinta-agogobell-unified]

Five underappreciated anime that I would recommend!

1. Canaan (2009)

This is, from what I understand, an adaptation of a side-story chapter for the visual novel series 428: Shibuya Scramble, guest-written by Nasu Kinoko and guest-illustrated by Takeuchi Takashi. That is to say, the Type-Moon guys — the creators of Tsukihime, Kara no Kyoukai, and the now-legendary Fate/Stay Night. However, Canaan doesn’t take place in the Type-Moon shared universe(s), since it’s for another company’s property.

That being said, the anime adaptation is quite comprehensible on its own terms, likely due to the adaptation being written by the prolific and highly skilled screenwriter Okada Mari (Hanasaku Iroha, O Maidens In Your Savage Season, Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans, Maquia). Her writing imbues the narrative with enough emotional intensity to make up for the occasionally-convoluted nature of the plot, and the backstories of the characters are hinted at just enough so that the viewer can understand their relevance, without taking up too much precious screen time. It can be a little hard to follow at points, but I ended up understanding it decently well anyway.

The production values are very high indeed, due to the anime being produced by P.A. Works, and directed by Andoh Masahiro (Sword of the Stranger, Hanasaku Iroha, O Maidens In Your Savage Season). The action animation is consistently stunning, the characters are beautifully expressive, and the overall look of the show is fantastic.

And the voice acting is an absolute treat, with the lead role of Canaan herself taken by Sawashiro Miyuki, the antagonist role of Alphard taken by Sakamoto Maaya, and Nanjou Yoshino in the role of Oosawa Maria, the POV character for a lot of the story. The supporting voice cast is packed with talent too — Hamada Kenji, Tanaka Rie, Nakata Jouji, Tomatsu Haruka, Hirata Hiroaki, Noto Mamiko, and even Ootsuka Akio in a minor role!

The premise is sort of a science fiction type of thing, but set in the (quasi-)contemporary location of 2000s China, where outside of the sci-fi conceit, the setting is largely realistic. The tone and mood is mostly that of an action thriller, with some nail-biting suspense here and there, but there are some beautifully soft and tender moments as well — often involving Canaan and Maria. Yes, folks, this has yuri in it, although it’s (strongly) subtextual.

Anyway, I would recommend this to people who love Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, Kara no Kyoukai, Fate/Zero, and probably also Cowboy Bebop.

2. Tetsuwan Birdy OVAs (1996)

This is distinct from the later adaptation of the original Tetsuwan Birdy (Birdy the Mighty) manga, called Tetsuwan Birdy Decode, which came out in the late 2000s — this one came out in 1996 and was produced by Studio Madhouse in their prime.

The main characters are Senkawa Tsutomu (voiced by Iwanaga Tetsuya), a hapless teenager who gets accidentally killed(!) by an alien spaceship on his way to school one day, and Birdy Cephon Altirra (voiced by Mitsuishi Kotono), a human-looking alien and an intergalactic government agent who saves Tsutomu by merging her body with his. Effectively, they become two people in one body, which can shift between the forms of Birdy and Tsutomu…. except Birdy still needs to deal with all the rogue aliens who threaten the safety of the galaxy, while Tsutomu needs to study for his high school entrance exams. From what I’ve been told, the premise is fairly reminiscent of Ultraman and other classic tokusatsu series.

It’s four tight episodes of classic ‘90s OVA goodness, with a fun and slightly silly sci-fi concept that is nonetheless wrung for some surprisingly effective drama at times. The main thrust of it, though, is action comedy — and it definitely delivers on that front. The fight scenes are superbly animated, including some early-career work from now-legendary animator Suzuki Norimitsu, and the character designs by Takahashi Kumiko (Witch Hunter Robin, Snow White with the Red Hair, Cardcaptor Sakura) are amazingly expressive. Birdy’s striking asymmetrical design is a particular favourite of mine. The direction by Kawajiri Yoshiaki (Cyber City Oedo 808, Ninja Scroll, Vampire Hunter D) is solid, and the writing is quite serviceable despite the brevity and premise.

Overall, I wouldn’t say it’s much of an intellectual watch, but if you just want a fun action-comedy ride with an extremely charismatic female protagonist and stunning animation quality, Tetsuwan Birdy is likely to be your jam. I’d recommend it to people who enjoy classic tokusatsu series, the original ‘90s Sailor Moon anime, and the less-depressing parts of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

3. Noir (2001)

This anime series is perhaps not as underappreciated as the others on this list, but I do still feel that not enough people have seen it. It was made by the studio Bee Train, and it’s the first entry in their so-called “Girls with Guns” trilogy (which isn’t actually a coherent trilogy, since they’re three different stories). The series was made right at the end of the cel-anime era, before the transition to digital colouring and compositing, so the masters were shot on film, but it was also made at the beginning of the slow transition to widescreen TV broadcasts, so it’s one of the very rare cel anime that’s in 16:9. This allows for a beautifully detailed look that, IMO, serves to offset the occasionally-limited animation and the frequent re-use of footage.

The premise is basically “secret assassins in France are caught up in weird intrigue and conspiracies”; as such, there’s a lot of very fun gunplay and kickass fight scenes, but also a lot of suspense and mystery. The writing is a little bit slipshod at times, but it ends up holding together, and the characters and (especially) the fantastically moody vibe make the show worth watching.

The characters are imbued with a lot of life and colour, both by their extremely attractive designs and by their voice actors’ wonderful performances. Mireille Bouquet, a young Corsican assassin and one of the two protagonists, is voiced by Mitsuishi Kotono; Yuumura Kirika, the other main protagonist who is a Japanese schoolgirl who has seemingly lost all her memories (but not her exceptional assassin skills), is voiced by Kuwashima Houko; and the mysterious Chloe, who shows up partway through the show, is voiced by Hisakawa Aya. There are definite yuri vibes between Mireille and Kirika, but as with Canaan, it’s all subtextual.

The main draw of the show, though, is its phenomenal soundtrack, courtesy of Kajiura Yuki (.hack//Sign, Kara no Kyoukai, Fate/Zero, Sword Art Online, Demon Slayer) in her very first anime scoring gig. It’s at times propulsive, at times dark and moody, at times beautifully serene, at times melancholy and nostalgic — and it’s utterly memorable.

I would recommend Noir to anyone who likes Canaan, Witch Hunter Robin, Ghost in the Shell, or anyone who just wishes that James Bond were a woman.

4. Flip Flappers (2016)

This anime was produced at Studio 3Hz and directed by Oshiyama Kiyotaka, in a dazzling yet underappreciated directorial debut that was presaged by his impressive animation work on Dennou Coil, Space Dandy, A Letter to Momo, The Secret World of Arietty, and The Wind Rises. Owing to this extremely solid animation background, Oshiyama was able to recruit a lot of prime animation talent for Flip Flappers, and it definitely shows in the stunning sakuga of the wild action sequences that pepper the show’s narrative.

While the fantastic animation is a key draw of this show, the sheer creativity in the worldbuilding, conceptual, and visual design spheres also contribute to its inimitably psychedelic look and feel. The landscapes of the worlds contained in Pure Illusion — the dream-realm that the protagonists enter each episode at the behest of a mysterious scientific organisation — and of the “real” world are whimsical, storybook-like, and slightly “off” in a slightly unsettling but compelling way.

The dreamlike atmosphere pervades the narrative as well — very little about the mechanics of the world is specified out loud, relying heavily on symbolism and visual storytelling to do the heavy lifting for the audience’s understanding. This might be a turn-off for audiences who prefer to have things spelled out for them clearly, but the point of this story is not always to make perfect logical sense, but rather to work on an emotional and metaphorical level. And work, it certainly does.

The episodic structure involving the various worlds of Pure Illusion explores the concept of the Umwelt (the individual sensory “world” of a person or organism), as well as some Jungian concepts and archetypes, in order to express the strange and sometimes-scary developmental stage of adolescence. The characters of Cocona (voiced by Takahashi Minami) and Papika (voiced by Ichimichi Mao) undergo a metaphorical and literal puberty, a coming-of-age similar in some ways to that experienced by the protagonist of FLCL, but with significantly more yuri. In fact, this show has the most outright yuri of any of the anime on this list. But that isn’t very strange for what is essentially a psychedelic magical-girl show: lots of magical-girl anime seem to include homoerotic vibes in some form or another, from Sailor Moon to Nanoha to Madoka.

There are some minor flaws in the storytelling towards the end, IMO, but overall it’s a wonderfully impactful emotional journey to watch Flip Flappers. Plus, the OP and ED are both extraordinarily catchy tunes that I’ve found myself humming on many an occasion.

I’d recommend this anime to anyone who loves weird magical-girl stuff, weird yuri, and/or amazing action animation.

5. Claymore (2007)

An adaptation of the manga by Yagi Norihiro, this anime is considered by many to simply be “basic”, or at least simply “inferior to the manga”. Now. I haven’t read the original Claymore manga (yet! I plan to eventually), but I found this anime to be compelling nonetheless. And if it really is the case that the manga is better, then I definitely look forward to diving in.

Having been produced by Studio Madhouse in the mid-2000s, it’s unsurprising that the vast majority of this anime was outsourced to Korean animation studio DR Movie, a longtime powerhouse subcontractor for both Japanese and American animation alike. That said, the direction of Tanaka Hiroyuki (director of a portion of Hellsing Ultimate and frequent close collaborator of Attack on Titan director Araki Tetsurou) remains sharp, compensating for the sometimes-limited animation with good storyboarding and a strong sense of mood and atmosphere.

Another aspect of Claymore which helps make up for the occasional visual shortcomings is the soundtrack by Takumi Masanori. The compositions are a mix of harder rock and electronic elements with a strong orchestral backbone, as befits a dark-fantasy setting and mood — the faster pieces are edgy and propulsive, very appropriate for the bloody action scenes, and the calmer pieces have a melancholic beauty to them that sticks in one’s memory. I wish the soundtrack were on Spotify, but alas, it is not.

The other sonic element that helps this anime out immensely is its absolutely STACKED voice cast. The main character, Clare, is voiced by Kuwashima Houko, in a fantastic yet understated performance. The other main character, Raki, is voiced by the less-well-known Takagi Motoki, but nearly all the other roles — including many bit parts — are filled with industry legends. Teresa is voiced by Park Romi, Miria is voiced by Inoue Kikuko, Irene is voiced by Takayama Minami, Rubel is voiced by Hirata Hiroaki, Priscilla is voiced by Hisakawa Aya, Ophelia is voiced by Shinohara Emi, and Jean (whom I cannot help but ship with Clare: there’s so much homoerotic tension there!) is voiced by none other than Mitsuishi Kotono. Yes, they got three of the original Sailor Senshi VAs — and I don’t know why that’s funny to me, but it is. And all of the voice actors deliver killer performances.

The premise of the show, before I completely forget to explain it, is that of a dark fantasy world where demons called youma ravage human settlements, with only the titular Claymores to protect humanity. They are a guild of platinum-haired and silver-eyed warrior women who possess superhuman fighting abilities, due to the fact that they’ve been fused with youma essence, and wield the massive broadswords that give them their name. Basically, (s)he who fights monsters must become (partly) a monster to do so.

I’ve heard the vibe of Claymore compared to manga like Berserk, and I don’t know how true that is (not having read the latter for myself), but there’s certainly a lot of bleakness and monstrosity in this fantasy tale. However, the Claymore manga was published in none other than Weekly Shounen Jump, so it’s perhaps unsurprising that the story remains resolutely forward-looking, the protagonists’ arcs focussing on the power of grit, determination, true friendship and loyalty, and protection of the weak and downtrodden. It’s never cynical or sarcastic — always straightforward and sincere despite the frequent darkness of the story.

The writing is consistently solid, even through the controversial anime-original ending (the manga continues long past the point where the anime cut things off), so I’m not sure who to point to for that: Yagi Norihiro for writing the original material, or Kobayashi Yuuko (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Attack on Titan s1-3, Kakegurui, Casshern Sins) for adapting it cleanly for the screen? Either way, it made me want to read the manga to experience more of these compelling characters and their travails.

I would recommend this anime to those who enjoy Kill La Kill or RWBY, or just to those who enjoy powerful women hacking at monsters with massive weapons and making lots of blood spray out.

[blueikeproductions]

Transformers fans have been going over a new quarterly report and there’s good news and bad news. The former is Transformers is Hasbro’s strongest performing brand, the later is RotB and EarthSpark’s toy sales are stinkers. In particular, EarthSpark’s considered an underperforming product, with the show’s ratings in the smelting pool. As some of us anticipated, the second season is the most we’re gonna get, no third season or beyond.

So as much as some don’t want to hear it: EarthSpark is essentially a flop, and the second season coming at all is more because it’s too late to axe it.

What’s carrying the toys so far are the collector lines: Legacy and Studio Series. For better or for worse, do NOT doubt the power of nostalgia. Also pricing. A friend was telling me a parent audibly freaked out at the prices of the EarthSpark toys, so that’s keeping parents away.

Do kids still like Transformers? Well in my experience they do, but they largely liked G1, Prime, RiD15, Bayformers and Rescue Bots. They did NOT like Cyberverse (especially in Japan where I’m told toys are STILL rotting on shelves down there), and now apparently EarthSpark. I didn’t see RotB in theaters so I can’t speak for that, but I did see a lot of kids at Bumblebee when it was in theaters.

The easy answer on its failure, and we all know GriftTubers will latch on to it, is Nightshade. Transformers making it on to Fox News is NEVER a good thing… not helped as the owl continues to be controversial due to the Japanese dub deciding to make them male. (Personally I say split the difference if Nightshade ever reappears and make them he/they but still.) I’ve been clear on my stance that NS is fine and cool, but I’ve also placed more importance on their skills, interests and personality. Their gender is not important to me to get them to like them, but the unfortunate problem is too many people on both sides focus on their identity and it scared off normies and parents. Again, well meaning like the Blue’s Clues Pride Parade, but read the room. There was a way to make NS work and still let them be NB, but they didn’t do it, and I still say the old “they’re Terran because gender means nothing to them as a robotic life form” was the way to do it.

The more nuanced answer however is more complicated. ES wound up being another kids show that was actually for adult fans and not kids, choosing to instead focus on a sense of identity and HYUGE importance on family. Stuff that isn’t bad on its own, but most modern writers and executives don’t understand subtleties: resulting in a lot of Bludgeoning of well meaning ideas in a show that doesn’t feature the Master of Metallikato. Most kindergarten and elementary school kids aren’t THAT interested in that stuff, they like Pokémon, Mario, classic Disney, classic Star Wars and anime in my experience. And Transformers has a certain expectation among people, and while there’s been stuff in the past that involves talking about things (Rad having environmentalist tendencies and Optimus respecting his feelings on needing to protect the environment when a fire breaks out during a Mini-Con Panel hunt, with Tigatron, Optimus and Dinobot having a similar conversation more than once in Beast Wars), if the Autobots AREN’T waging their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons, most aren’t interested.

This feeds into the show’s writing which also I think killed it: the show’s writing is decent but it only gets weaker as it goes along. The overfixation on making the Decepticons into misunderstood bullies who need a hug, despite also showing them perfectly content to kill people, the mixed signals of all the known Earth Decepticons now being friends with the Maltos, Optimus being a doofus the longer the show went on, the heavy IDW slants that weren’t popular at all with general audiences like Autobot Megatron, and Fix Fic Blue Eyed TFP Starscream. There’s also lack of proper follow up on plot threads like Ravage and Mandroid’s friendship with Alex, Schloder’s reasoning for hunting Bee being stupid, mysterious Transformer artifacts, poor reasoning on Energon aliens running amuck, why Cybertron never re-established contact, the lack of understanding why Quintus Prime seems to have such an interest in Earth and why the Emberstone is even here at all and more. Sure some of this might be touched on better in season 2, but do I trust this writing team now? No. No I do not. I think this can be summed up by the rejected episode pitch with Ratchet and Drift. More focus was put on them being husbands, and while both tried offering their own reasonings for the Cyber Sleeves, there was no concrete answer provided on why the kids had the sleeves. Its especially odd in that I wager they would’ve played up Ratchet’s atheism from IDW, but never once have Quintus actually speak up through the sleeves, like a joke in Family Guy where Stewie calls out Brian’s atheism because Jesus crashed on their couch recently. The episode is just… more fluff. People don’t want fluff in Transformers, and we’re seeing that with how well the Energon Universe is continuing to kick everything’s afterburner in comics. IDW never did that. The best selling stuff towards the end was the Marvel G1 prequel and sequels, and the Beast Wars reboot and those were still low in the rungs.

So what can be done to get kids more on board with new TF content? Go back to basics. Transformers desperately needs a new Beast Wars style show to give it a kick in the pants tv show wise. Earthspark I think fancied itself as that but was not meant to be. The Energon Universe is a good start: the true Neo G1 successor to the 80’s cartoon canon so far. The easy joke me and a friend have made is to just adapt the Energon Universe for tv, but it’s not ready yet. I think using it as a spring board would be useful and having the Void Rivals be supporting characters would help expand their exposure. But the simple matter is this: absolutely under no circumstances use IDW/MTMTE post war stuff. I’m willing to go as far as using characters like Adaptus, Nova Prime, Nominus Prime and the Guiding Hand for certain things but that’s it. Classic good Autobots vs evil Decepticons. Megatron is full on evil like in G1, the movies & Unicron Trilogy: no more of this making him into a repentant Anakin nonsense. More of stuff like Optimus’s friendship with Sparkplug and Spike and his consoling of the deer. Earthspark was on the right track making him more lighthearted and closer to the well meaning dad he was in G1, but they pushed it too far the other way like Cyberverse did. Maybe ease back on Bumblebee a smidge, that worked with ROTB and Energon Universe so far, and other than maybe a little mixing and matching (Like Strongarm, Iguanus, Fixit, Barricade, Blackout and other guys being main Bots and Cons for a change), stick to the basics.

Edit: adding more because I had to go run an unexpected errand. Not only the basics, but let’s revisit the idea of a proper anime again. It’s the second major modern anime boom in the States, why DON’T we have a new RiD or Unicron Trilogy type thing? And no I refuse to consider Prime Wars and War For Cybertron anime. I don’t care what Netflix calls it. The fact we don’t have a TF anime currently is baffling; the last time we had an anime was Transformers Go!, and that was more of a one off spiritual Brave successor. I’d rather at this stage Takara commission a new kids anime for Transformers with writers over in Japan scripting the premise who know what they’re doing to make a fun children’s show. Then it can be dubbed and we get Blum, Kaplan, Zeno and other popular/veteran anime dub voice actors to reprise roles/do new ones. I don’t care if Trigger, Toei, Polygon, Science Saru or whoever animates it, my stipulation going forward is 2D animated TF anime, but with designs that are easier to hand draw. Like somewhere between G1 and Transformers Animated. I liked the Armada designs but I can see why Energon and Cybertron opted for CGI for the robots because they became way too technical to draw outside of very specific scenes. If full on 2D robots wasn’t acceptable, the CGI technology used for SSSS. Gridman and Bravern is acceptable, but a full return to 2D animation is preferable.

As for a setting: Earth. Autobots protecting their human friends against the Decepticons. A new gimmick properly implemented from the toys into the show, with the Quintessons as a villainous third party with a stake in the affairs, hiring Mercs like Devcon, RoughEdge, Lockdown and Rampage, or freelancers like the Skuxxoid and villainous Void Rivals to do their dirty work.

Something like that, but above all else cast wise: Blaster and his Cassettes MUST return. And to acknowledge EarthSpark, Hashtag can be his kid sister, with Twitch as one of Hashtag’s own cassettes. Everybody wins.

[stickytrigger69]

Well if you're taking requests, please allow me to make one✨ I see Prime on your list as "have watched". Could I request Bounty Hunter Reader/TFP Wheeljack with a "rivals who keep hooking up cause it's easier than admitting feelings" thing ? Thank you so much(◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。Nuetral/Masc Bot reader is def preferred

TFP Wheeljack x GN Cybertronian Reader

Reader is gender neutral

Bot instead of mech or femme

Reader frame type, paint job, etc. is unspecified

NSFW

------------------------------------------------------------

You've been in the bounty hunting business for a long long time, even before the war. Often being hired by the one who had the most money to offer you. During the war there were times that the Autobots had more and others the Cons did, there were other times it was a completely different species. You found things in both groups that you disliked, the Autobots were prideful and the Decepticons were cruel. You especially disliked the wreckers, no matter what side they are on.

And there was one who was consistently disruptive. He really grinded your gears. He's a decent sized mech, white, red, and green paint job and two large finials on the sides of his helm. The finials were an unmistakable characteristic of his that by appearance alone, made you edgy. He liked to push your buttons and tease you.

But his favorite pass time is to flirt with you like he wasn't just angering you a few kliks ago. His servos wander over your frame as he smirks knowingly at you, like if you've already succumbed to his 'charm'. He thinks he has you wrapped around his digits like copper wire but you always argue that he doesn't. Even when he's spiking you real good you deny that you enjoy it, degrading him the entire time. He, of course, pokes back, telling you this, you, is nothing to him.

Most of the time when he sees you you're glaring deep into his optics, a blatant display of your disdain for the mech. He can feel your scowl as he presses his derma against yours. A sour tint in the charge of your glossa while he sticks his own down your intake. His servos are holding you up against the wall, digits digging into your prtomesh between your plating. Spike thrusting in and out of your tight valve, dripping with your fluids.

He releases your derma and just looks you in the optics while he pounds you into the wall. For a moment he sees a softness in them. Feels a small spark of compassion come off of you, your face goes slack for a moment. He grunts deeply and buries his face in your neck cables. He lets out a chuckle before he bites down on one of them.

You're such a gorgeous bot. Perfect frame which is accentuated when you're pressed up against him like you are now. Legs wrapped around his waist, servos holding onto his shoulders for support. He can't help it but try to make you upset when he sees you. He loves when you get all soft and vulnerable like this, when you're not so hostile towards him.

He knows its his fault that you're always so defensive around him. He's the reason that you won't show him all of you the way he wants you to. He bounces you up and down faster on his spike trying to ignore his feelings. For now, the soft pants and moans coming from your intake are more than enough for him. But man does he hate having to settle for things.

In his frustration he thrusts harder, you cry out and hold onto him even tighter. Wheeljack grinds his denta together, groaning with every thrust upward into you. The clanging of metal hitting metal and the squelch of your wet valve fills his audials. Your warm breath tickles his neck cables.

"Ah, oh please." You whine into his neck. Optics squeezed shut as you feel every ridge of his spike push past your calipers. You grind down onto his spike, your own rubbing against his abdomen.

"Yeah yeah," He taunts, "I know what I'm doing." His voice is gruff and his tone is sharp. His optics stare into the wall behind you. He's so frustrated. With you and himself.

"I hate you." You groan out before you bite down on his neck cables. Denta digging into the smooth mesh covering the wires. The pain adds to his pleasure and makes him moan deeply. His spike twitches inside of you, he's getting close. And if the fluttering of your valve wasn't hint enough, he can tell you're getting close too.

"You piece of scrap." He says through gritted denta. His servo let's go of your leg, making you stand, to wrap around your throat. His digits squeeze and he stares into your optics with a grin. You scowl at him in turn, optics flickering with the building overload in your system. His glossa flicks over your derma, licking up the bit of lubricant that dribbled out.

You glare at him and try pulling his servo from your neck. He tuts at you and tightens his grip. He puts more force into his thrusts. Spike hitting you deep and hard.

"Ngh, overload for me gearhead." He chuckles at how you shudder from the command.

"Mmm-no!" You cry defiantly as you shut your optics.

"No~?" His servo releases your throat. "Aww, c'mon sweetspark, pleeaase~." He begs you as the servo previously wrapped around your throat reaches down and gently rubs at your anterior node. You gasp. Your back arches and you lean into his touch. It doesn't take very long until your calipers are spasming around his spike.

You throw your helm back with a loud moan as your overload crashes into you, charge bursting and sending an electric current down your spinal strut. His hips stutter for a moment.

"Jeeze darling, your valve is trying so hard to milk my spike." He grunts deeply. You reply with a small whine. "I'll give you what you want gearhead." You moan at the insult. He lifts you up again and uses you to reach his own overload. And in no time he reaches his limit, painting your insides with his transfluid.

Your optics leak coolant from the corners. Overstimulated and fucked to exhaustion. Another shudder passes through you when he pulls out. Both of you are panting, cooling fans slowing down. His transfluid leaks from your valve and puddles on the floor beneath you.

He's still holding you up, leaning against you, face in your neck again. Neither of you say anything for a long time, just recovering from the hot session. He sets you down but remains cautious, you have fallen a few times before after rough sessions so he is trying to be on the safer side this time. With him being so close but not touching you you both just stare into eachothers optics for a little. Searching your thoughts for something to say, you can see in his optics he's doing the same, looking for something, anything, to say.

You look down at his servo and take it into your own.

"You can just leave it," you look down at the puddle, " I'll clean it up." You look back up. He looks confused for a moment and then it clearly clicks.

"Alright, till next time then, eh gearhead?" He pulls his servo from yours to take a cloth from his subspace to wipe himself off. He hands it to you and you take it with a scoff.

"Sure I guess." Your processor still rebooting. Your voice is static-y still and he smiles at you for it. He turns around and steps off of your ship. A sore feeling in his spark chamber as he walks to his own. Though he knows he's going to see you again, he's just not sure if he wants to keep going like this.

He thinks he might want to face his inner feelings and tell you about it but he's not sure how you'll react. He doesn't want to lose this, this bit of intimacy he has with you. You watch as he flies off into the sky. You're left feeling conflicted. You want to talk to him about your "relationship" but you know what kind of mech he is so you always think against it.

You'll keep it to yourself you guess. You look away from the glass to the puddle of fluids on the floor. You feel sad looking at it, sad that this might be the only reason he'd want to keep in touch with you. After you clean it up you don't feel so bad. When you're finally ready, you sit in your chair and pull up the next bounty.

The face of a random bot stares back at you from the glass while you continue to think. 'I'll tell him how I feel next time' you tell yourself for the hundredth time. You always think that but when it comes down to it you never can do it. Intimidated by his frame and prickly nature. You take a deep invent and release it slowly and accept the bounty contract on your display, 'next time'.

[shzmluvrs]

very very specific request but 2019 freddy x clown collector reader? like reader collects clown dolls and all that kinda jazz and just how freddy would feel about that

(😭)

For some reason, as I go through dark times, this triggered such motivation and inspiration within me, so I thank you deeply🥲🫵🏽🫶🏽.

Also, I'm gonna name you bc I can pretty much guess you have a thing for specifically 2019 Freddy and that's pretty unique about you, so your name is 2019 (unless you have something more creative in mind lmao-).

~ Star✨️

Circus Baby

Prompt: The weird and overly fan-obsessed didn't particularly have a place at Fawcett Central. But, there they were, anyway, to be gawked and mocked at by the relatively common and "normal" student body. And while yes, Freddy was a prime suspect in the 'overly obsessive' category, he had to admit you definitely took the cake for the 'weird' department. In a good way to him, of course. Besides, who else is he gonna jokingly refer to as a wanna-be Gotham villain?

Timeline: Post Shazam! Pre S!:FOTG

TW/Content: Clowns (if they scare you, you not gonna like this at all, I'm sorry😭)⚡️Cursing⚡️Mentions of insecurity/anxiety and whatever relating⚡️Me being a little unhinged about this subject (for some reason-)⚡️Cringe? A little. But get over it tbh...

Reader: Fem! She/Her/Hers Pronouns! Clowncore Aesthetic/Style!

Requested By: Anon (2019?)

Back to Master List

I know you said clown collector, but because I'm literally insane, I wanna take this a step further...

Reader who is just full steam ahead into the clown-lifestyle😻🤡!!

Surely, it all started at a young age with your odd habit of collecting any bit of clown-related memorabilia you could get your grubby little hands on. But it soon escalated (and I'm betting startling your parents💀) into you basically being a clown.

Well, not literally.

I mean, you entertained the idea that you were decently humorous, and the occasional animal balloon tricks were attempted, but besides that, you managed to take something known for its silly (sometimes scary) wackadoo nature, and made it ✨️girlboss✨️.

And it helped that you didn't exactly shy easy, so you were proudly showing up places in your colorful, rainbow, clown-esque outfits...

Unless, of course, you happen to have a specific and favorable color, to which then it was your clown-esque wear themed specially in that color.

And your creative makeup that managed to be both cute and clown. Clute, if you will. Or maybe Cu-own...? Uh...😬...

And you could never forget about your hair. Unless you're a huge fan of styling and coloring your actual hair in cool, funky colors and ways, wigs were your best friend...

"Places" included school, for the most part, and you had thankfully become desensitized to the rude and teasing stares and the unprompted comments and whatnot... And at some point, so did the rest of the student body and staff, because it was clear no matter what they said, you weren't gonna tone down yourself for them.

Plus, it was fun! You felt as though the positive outweighed the negatives, thoroughly enjoying the bright-eyed and excited looks on younger grade's faces when they saw you occasionally pass through their section of the building, or when you'd actually receive compliments on your makeup from some of your peers. Plus, you were routinely asked to do other people's theater makeup, so-...

You got to try out new looks, new styles, new whatever every day without a care in the world!

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

It was something Freddy found himself admiring about you from afar. It's not like you were exactly hard to miss, but it didn't change the fact that every seventh period, he'd wake himself up from an exhausting school day in complete, full anticipation for your arrival. He adored your outfits, your makeup, your hair, and once the day came when he'd finally gain the courage to speak to you, he'd hopefully adore you as whole, too.

That day came when you two were assigned to be partners for an upcoming project. A bittersweet emotion ran through his chest. Wasn't this what he wanted? The perfect excuse, chance, opportunity to get to know you? He was so nervous, he broke out into a cold sweat. Hands growing shaky and clammy, watching as you approached through the gaggle of other students shuffling around to get to their partners. And once finally sat, he stared, completely tuning out the teacher's next set of instructions.

At first, he couldn't bring himself to speak. For what seemed like the first time in a long while, Freddy Freeman was speechless. In complete awe by your presence (and ecstatic you hadn't grimaced or groaned when he was announced to be your partner), he admired every single detail of your purposefully paled face, the random little specs of glitter, elongated eye and mouth features thanks to eyeliner, and the outfit was definitely another one for the books.

At first, this boy's intense stare up and down your figure made you hope he wasn't actually the weirdo he was coming off as. Granted, you...did look like a clown, but once the stare surpassed the entire rant the teacher had gone on and then some minutes afterwards, you felt it necessary to speak up.

"Um... So, do you know how you wanna go about the project? Or...?"

"Sorry for- Oh my god, I-...Sorry for staring, that was probably really creepy for you and that's, like, the opposite of what I wanna do here-. I just think that this, whatever this is, this whole..." He used a big hand gesture to reference your ensemble. "...Is the coolest ever and I'm literally blown away."

"?!?😃 Oh my god, thank you 😃?!?"

And that was all it took before the two of you were hyperactively conversing back and forth on, not even just style choices, but on any and everything else that came to mind. It was like a force had been sparked between you two, the fire unable to be put out, let alone dimmed. It led to the start of an immediate and solidified friendship. Which, of course blossomed into something more. But I wanna focus on more of the "firsts" for now.

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

Aka, The first time you had entered his home and met his family, which was the same day y'all met. He hadn't prepped you or anything, simply guaranteeing that they were bound to love your company and to pay no mind to any comments they might make. And while sure, you were pretty much used to having that mindset already, for some reason, this time made you nervous. Nervous like the very first time you had truly discovered you even liked this style and wanted to go out in public dressed as such, nervous. It had you adjusting your pins, clothing, and other accessories the entire walk there, and you swore that you had probably stress-sweat all of your hard-work makeup away.

To keep this short and sweet, every interaction was... unique, to say the least. First, there was a tall brunette sporting prep-wear, waltzing around the house with her phone pressed against her ear and determination in her voice to ace this interview for a nearby community college. But upon seeing you, stopped dead in her tracks and (much like Freddy) s t a r e d.

"That's Mary." "Your sister?" "Yes, out of two." "She's pretty."

"Freddy, why is there a clown in our home? Darla's birthday isn't for another four months."

Ngl, that stung you a little, but nothing you haven't heard (or expected to hear) before...

"Wh- No, shut up, that's not- She's a friend from school, we have a project together. This is just what she looks like, this is how she looks." "...Oh :). Well, you're gonna have to teach me how you have such a smooth base, because my products could never. Anyways, talk later, interview..." And with a shy point to her phone, she left you with a grin that you returned, growing flattered at the compliment on your makeup.

Then there was a boy, about shoulder height with glasses, who barely gave half of a glance in your direction. It's not that he didn't see you at all. He just... didn't care. Clearly, too focused on the TV screen that he stood basically directly in front of. "Optimal gaming stance, he claims..." Freddy informed, swiftly pulling you along before you could become engrossed in the Mortal Kombat fight yourself.

You were lead to the kitchen, Freddy rummaging through the pantry and fridge on the hunt for proper sustenance while you worked together. It was there, you were met with his mother, who gave a very "mom-happy" yet clearly confused smile. "Hi...!" She greeted suddenly, which urged you to awkwardly strike out your hand for her to shake. If you knew you were gonna be literally seeing his entire family same day, you would've toned down a little bit, at least. Just to let them get used to it all... but alas...

"Hi, I'm (Y/N). I'm just here to work on a project with Freddy." "Oh, I see! A theater project."

"Nah, science." Freddy corrected with a tone of casualty, kicking the fride door closed with the stub of his crutch, his other hand/arm supporting the weight of all of his gathered snacks and drinks.

"Oh." Rosa smiled again, still innocently confused. And before you could try to explain, Freddy was already insistent on the hurry to his room. It's okay, though, because once Rosa realized what you wore was just a creative, style choice a while later, she found it just that. Creative. And totally supported and compared it to alternative styles she'd seen back in her high school days, bless her heart🥰😭.

On the way towards/up the stairs was where you encountered what you had to assume was Freddy's father and older brother, who breezed past the two of you at first, but then did quick double-takes. "Ohooh, you look sick! What is this, like a statement, or...?" You received an immediate compliment from Victor, a chuckle leaving your throat along with a shrug of your shoulders.

"Something like that, I guess." And then Pedro, who did a scan up and down your figure much like Freddy had in class, before giving a satisfactory nod.

"Cool." "Thank you :')."

Walking down the hallway en route to Freddy's room, there was one more escapade that involved your purse accidentally falling open and your makeup going everywhere. It was the glittery stuff, too, so not only was it an expensive loss, but it was now going to be permanently marked onto the hardwood floor (yes, you felt beyond terrible, but it doesn't really matter bc a. There's already stains and glitter and whatnot everywhere in that house that are permanent, Rosa and Victor have given up on them, you can't convince me otherwise. And b. They ended up renovating by the second movie anyway, so it's fine😭).

It didn't stop you from desperately trying to scoop it all up, anyways, though (cuz I would, too, ngl-). Freddy informed that he'd go to his room to set the food down and would be back to help you, which was fine, but it left you in his hallway desperately scrambling at loose makeup like a weirdo. But clearly, that isn't what Darla saw when she poked her itty bitty head out of her room at the commotion. In her eyes, you were a mystical, magical being that harbored one of her favorite things in the whole world (glitter, duh), and she squealed so l o u d-

It scared you at first, especially when she came barreling towards you and almost managed to tackle you in an unexpected but returned hug. Rambling on and on about what a honor it was to meet you, "...whatever you are...!" She added, which pulled a giggle from your lips, and how excited she was and how she had so much to show you and-

"Oh my god, D, why..." Freddy sighed, having left for what was barely even a minute or so and had come back to find his youngest sister perched in your lap and talking your ear off. He should be doing that! Well, I guess minus the sitting in your lap part.

Unless you're into that🥴.

Idk. Anyways-

"DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS, DID YOU KNOW SHE WAS HERE?!" "😐Yes, I did. I brought her here. She's my friend and we're BUSY, so you need to go back to your ROOM, and mind your BUISNESS, please."

It took a lot more convincing, but after promising you'd converse with Darla another time (without Freddy💀-), she did as told and you two had finally entered his room. You found yourself quiet impressed with his superhero memorabilia, something about it reminding you of your own "little" collection back home. Maybe the obsessiveness of it all, or simply just how much of it there was. But you didn't have the pleasure of questioning, because-

"What the hell...?" "Dude, don't start-" "-I wasn't gonna say anything." "You literally were, I can tell by that dumb look on your face." "Freddy, I guarantee you, I'm not the dumb looking one in this room. And don't get me wrong, it isn't her either..." "Harhar, you're so funny. Why don't you leave and go do stand up comedy? I think you in particular would make an excellent CLOWN, don't you think, (Y/N)?"

"I... uhm...uh... ;-;." You weren't expecting a fifth sibling, that's for sure. His family was clearly very diverse. And at first, you couldn't quite tell if he was getting ready to bully you or not, seeing as Freddy was very quick with his wit in order to defend you. You wouldn't doubt it. Billy seemed to suffer from a bad case of RBFS.

Resting Bitch Face Syndrome.

"Ignore him." Freddy advised, whipping open his laptop while Billy scoffed.

"I'm right here, y'know. This is my room, too, you guys can't just-" "Okay, fine, then ignore him harder."

You giggled. It was grounds for Billy to address you separately/on his own.

"I like your outfit. It just...caught me off guard." You smiled, giving a nod of understanding. "Thanks, I get that a lot."

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

The first time Freddy visited your house was months after the initial meeting. Not for any particular reason, there just hadn't been any real excuse until now...

"My parent(s) have been dying to meet you, like, I swear, if they keep pestering me about it, I was going to actually go insane. On some Joker type shit."

Freddy laughed at your last remark, but as we all know, the boy is quick-witted and smart-mouthed, so it was always easy for him to launch off of literally anything you say with a teasing remark that... sometimes you swore was him actually flirting. But, you couldn't be too sure. You didn't wanna ruin a good thing.

(You say as you literally bring him home to your parent/guardian(s) as if that's not the literal thing you do when-...nvm).

"Oh, so you've been gassing me up, huh~? Cute, cute... D'you tell them how much I adore you? Wouldn't want them thinking I'm neglecting you or anything." "Stop it." You giggled, nudging at his shoulder before pulling out your house key.

Freddy didn't exactly know what he expected upon entering your household. He supposed it'd reflect yourself. Colorful and creative, lots of little knick-knacks and trinkets, endless amounts of stuff to fill any empty space... At the very, very, fantasy like most, your house would be some foreign cottage in the woods that resembled a lot like the witche's candy house from the Hansel & Gretel tale (before it rotted, ofc).

So naturally, he was a little thrown off to find it was his very least thoughts that had come to play, the house almost gray compared to you. White walls, furniture organized hyper-symmetrically, every last item in its very clear-cut place. Not a spec of dust or dirt, not a thing out of place... and quiet. Almost eerily so. Well, maybe not. It could just be the fact that he wasn't used to seeing and hearing a house as such, given his living situation (loud family, messy-homey-actually looks lived in house...). But regardless-

"...I'm home!!" The call out to your parent(s) startled him for a moment, and though you did receive an answer back that sounded like it came from a room close by, it was almost like it echoed against the silence. Freddy shook it off. You didn't judge anyone or anything when you had first come over to his place, so he wouldn't do the same. If anything, they were just loose observations he couldn't help but make/notice.

But anyways- You lead him into your kitchen and there, he met your parent(s), who was quick to make a comment on how surprisingly "normal" he appeared to be. And usually, something like that might sting a little (for you, because like, uh, rude?? But dw, they meant it in a teasing/jokey way). But to Freddy? Normal? That meant the world, seeing as usually, most people couldn't see past his crutch, should they choose to see him at all. But he supposed the apple didn't fall far from the tree in the "non-judgemental" department. You must've got it from them.

That went relatively well, but here came the part you were always nervous about when inviting guests into your room...

"Woah..." The same way he was captivated by you was the same way he felt about your room. It was the splash of color amongst your house. Figures, all of what he'd expected of the whole/entire house would be crammed off into your one room, I mean, duh, where else would it be? It was littered with posters and trinkets and stuffed animals, clothes lying around that you scrambled to pick up and shove into your closet out of sheer embrassment. Even the walls were painted the color(s) of your choosing/liking, and my god, did you have so many different shelves full of things he wanted to mess with. He wouldn't, for now, waiting for the right time to ask permission before touching anything.

And then...he saw it. The corner of your room dedicated to that one specific, niche little thing you loved so much and based your entire personal being around...

The clown corner🤡.

"Oh...my god..."

You quickly spoke up before he could say anything more, the initial shock of your odd clown figurines, dolls, books, whatever the fuck else could possibly be clown-themed/related collection being enough for you to just assume the worst of thoughts he may have. "I know, it's weird. I mean, weirder than normal weird. But-" "I love you." He had whipped his head towards you just as fast as the confession left his person, a lazy smile etched into his features while you grinned almost manically because like, huh??

"...Excuse me😃?"

He shook the expression away, shaping himself back to normal as fast as possible at your reaction.

"No-! I don't. I mean, I do! Like, I meant it like, I love how you're like me, with the whole, "corner of the room being dedicated to this thing," thing. Superheroes are my thing, clowns are yours... obviously, and I love that. I love that you're me and I'm you and we're basically one."

"Freddy-..." You sighed, only able to laugh to yourself and at his rambling before gently pulling him closer to one of the shelves by the hand. "Look at this..." You encouraged, watching him lean closer to inspect some of the figurines and newspapers and other lose things in one specific place on the shelf.

"Oh my shit, that's Harley Quinn...!!" He gushed while you nodded proudly.

"My idol." You added, Freddy turning to you as you explained. "I know people consider her a villain, or whatever. Or that's she's crazy. But, I don't understand how that could be possible when the woman literally has a PhD and was an entire psychiatrist before she met Joker. Not to mention, the only reason she did half of the crazy shit she did was 'cause of that cunt-wad, so when I heard she finally emancipated herself from him, you have to understand... I literally love her."

Freddy didn't know how else to respond. Here he was, in your room, being one of your closest best friends, you talking to him (willingly, might I add, because even after all this time, he still can't even fathom how and why you genuinely love spending time with him and being his friend even though you remind the poor boy 24/7😭), and rambling to him about his favorite subject no less! And how it relates to your favorite subject! A combination of niche interests!! He-!

"I'm going to kiss you on the lips, (Y/N)." "Pfft-!" You snorted, the second confession catching you off guard in a flurry of amusement and surprise once again. But this time, he didn't have any excuses to back the claim up. Like, surely, he could easily pass that off as a joke or an intense way to say something along the lines of, "You don't know how much this topic interests me, especially coming from you, and it's making me so excited and happy and I want to talk/hear more."

But at the same time...

"What, like, actually?"

So now, you've presented Freddy with the option to mean it. For real. Which, like...

"I- Uh, like, only if you'd let me or you did it first or something." He laughed boisterously. "I wouldn't just do it without asking, that'd be craz-"

's m o o c h !'

You giggled. You had left some of that white and red behind on his lips.

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

Okay, beyond this point is just some random other stuff I thought of...

DOING THE MAKEUP!!! Omg the way this boy BEGS you do his face the way you do yours, and girl, lemme tell you, you pop off...! You turned him into the clown-boy of your dreams, call that a Laughing Jack makeover/cosplay.

...*coughs*...ignore that, I had a phase, don't judge me.

Anyways, seriously, I think Freddy would rock the clowncore look so well, especially if you take advantage of his freckles and make them all individually a different color against white/pale foundation.

I also think he teases/flatters you by randomly gifting you trinkets he finds to add to your collection. So dolls he finds in thrift stores, or figurines he saw at a random strip mall shop, things like that.

Hella Harley Quinn discussions ensue, y'all love her.

Kissing him or him kissing you anywhere on the face is always funny because the white/pale foundation will transfer and it's the cutest thing. Or when you hug him and he's wearing super dark or super light clothing so your makeup is just smeared across his shirt and he's looking at you like, "😐" and you're looking at him like, "😕my fault bro🙂."

He also likes to steal some of the dolls/stuffies you might have, so if a clown is missing, you know that he probably has it. Y'all be treating them like your lil' babies, naming them and all😭. He sends you blurry, chaotic, cutsey type pictures of them and it'll have a corny ass caption like, "Jester won't lay down for his nap, I think you might need to come over and cuddle for a bit or something" yk💀.

Him stealing your wigs, too. And just literally any loose/baggy clothes of yours that will fit him. But it's okay bc you do the same with his when you're dressed down for once. He actually is so used to you all clowned up that when you're bare face and in one of his sweaters and shorts, you look like this cute little random girl to him.

"Who are you and what have you done with (Y/N)😧🫵🏻🙊?!" "Dawg😐..."

Ngl he hates sleeping in your room at night. He loves you and all of your quirks, of course. And don't get me wrong, he loves y'all children (the clown dolls n stuff)...but look man, they a lil' scary at night, just staring down at him from the shelves and shit and it freaks him out more than he wants to admit. You have a night light just for him when he stays over, though (it's a jumbo ladybug pillow pet you've had since you were like, eight, but the shit is so bright, it'd be a waste to just throw it out. Plus, it now helps Freddy sleep at night so win-win).

On that topic, bro has been jumpscared so many times bc you play too much and like to place your life-sized dolls around the house. He'll be thinking someone broke in and will be on the b r i n k of saying "Shazam!!" out of total fear before he realizes it's you just fucking with him. And is mad he can't do it back bc you're too used to seeing them💀.

Nicknames!!! Lord, this boy has some many! Just to name a few, "Circus Baby" "Harley" "Funny" As in he'll use it the same way one uses "Pretty". "Hey, Funny, you feelin' okay? Yeah? Okay, good." Also, "The fourth Flying Grayson" which you find pretty distasteful🥴.

If you post on social media, he spam likes and comments on all your post, especially if you make TikToks. He doesn't care what content it is, either. It could be you just talking about your stuff, it could be you posting little scenarios, it could be you showing your makeup routine, you could be making cringey ass thirst-traps for all he cares. You're posting and showing off your style? He's giving you all of his support and love shamelessly. He always does and will💙.

This was long but that's okay, that's just what I do lol😆.

Sorry again for my long hiatus, y'all. I do be struggling in this economy😔✊🏽. I hope anyone who sees this is doing well, Moon and I love y'all's support so much, it makes our day🫶🏽!

~ Star✨️

Back to Master List

[caterpillarinacave]

Got any random Fairchild family headcanons, especially ones pertaining to Matthew and Henry?

Oh, I always have headcanons!

Also, sorry I took so long to answer, I am currently withering away to sawdust. 

Matthew was one of those “nicely disobedient kids”. Someone will be like “okay, keep your shoes on okay? It’s important not to take them off in here alright?” and he's like “yeah yeah yeah! I got it!” then tears his pants and shirt away and takes off running. 

Both Matthew and Charles were those kids who just hung off their parents 24/7. Actually, all the TID gangs kids are like that. Someone is always carrying at least one child. Henry’s lap is prime real estate. So are Will’s shoulders. What are adults if not your personal chauffeur?

Henry and Matthew actually do have very similar hair, although Matthew’s is straighter. Matthew can’t tell because, you know, he styles it, and Henry absolutely does not. 

Matthew’s concern about not looking like his father in GOTSM is distressing because its so unfounded. He looks a lot like both his parents, and frankly he’s the only one who's never noticed.

Christmas is soooo fun there. Mostly because they dont do any of it at their own house, they just go to all the christmas parties they get invited to and watch shit go down. Every shadowhunter party is a madhouse. Matthew and Charles get released into the crowd of children to play, and Henry and Charlotte just kind of sit to the side and watch everything dissolve into chaos. They’ll send Matthew and Charles home with an uncle or aunt, they're staying to watch 24 year old Micheal what's his name from some corner of Britain tries to fight his 64 year old uncle over the rise of livestock taxes in liverpool. Charlotte doesnt feel morally obligated to step until chairs become involved.

Other than the entertianment of christmas chaos, holidays are fun. They come with markets and present shopping. Matthew and Charles get paired off with whatever parent, then their basically free in a christmas market (provided they stay within five feet of said parent.) Matthew goes with Henry and has the time of his life. He comes home with pockets full of peppermint candies choclaty little fingers and a whole lot of happiness. Also, did you know theres fun holiday stuff in the shadowmarket? Whats better than sitting in your dads lap while he chats with a warlock in a demon language like forty people in the world speak, then going back to the cities for a chocolate croissant. Hey, it's safer than you think, Henry's not letting Matthew go anywhere in that market lol.

Of course, there a lots of bedtime stories and songs. Matthew is big on bedtime stories, though he has a few favorites. He's quite keen on Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, and he asks for it at least once a week. That was Henry's favorite as a child, and there are several copies to pick from which may be part of why Matthew likes it so much.

When Matthew gets a little older they move onto more interesting stuff. You know, the normal books for a nine year old; like The Travels of Marco Polo. Matthew is a well educated nine year old.

There's a lot of checkers and chess. Charlotte is decent at chess, and Henry's amazing at it, though Charles Buford and Matthew are more average. Matthew does, however, enjoy the aesthetic, and can play a mean game of checkers.

Tea time is important. World might be burning down but there will be tea on the Fairchild's table.

Matthew and Charles get sent flowers on special occasions. Doesn't really matter if they want flowers, or if they are "far to old for such frivolaty, I have things to do they'll simply die-" (coughcharlesbufordcough), they get them anyway. Henry and Charlotte have had the same ancient florist from Yorkshire doing it for decades, and considering she's been ninety since Henry was about six, and shows no signs of mortality, Charles and Matthew should prepare to have flowers forever.

One good rule for the kids in that house is to a) knock, and b) if that door is locked, do NOT open it. Really a rule all the TID gang kids know. If you decide to open, or try to open, or even hang out near, a locked door (or any thin walls) may the consequences be on your own head. Look, everyone in that group loves their partner very much, 

That’s why Charles Buford is so bitter btw. Didn’t know the rule, scarred for life. Pretty much like that vine. 

[temaylibrary]

An account of the after-meeting in the Professor's office, concerning Mecha and a certain Amiibo

This is, as far as I can make it out to be, a summary of the short meeting following a spatial and dimensional incident in the professor's office that resulted in him, Mecha, and some others becoming involved in an effort to stop a parallel universe from being erased.

As soon as the portly, well-dressed man bid farewell, Cosmo activated one of his many transportation spells and stepped through it into the confines of his office, clutching Mecha, his student's exams, and a troublesome Luigi-shaped amiibo. The transition was successful, and he found himself back in his office, no worse for wear aside from the mess on his desk and the oddly cleaner space where the black hole, shrinking down to nothing rapidly, had been.

The Luigi amiibo vibrated gently, catching Cosmo's attention. Gently, he set it down on the edge of the desk, eyeing it with a mixture of curiosity and wariness. He motioned to Mecha, offering her a drink to ease the tension of their recent ordeal.

Mecha, her helmet de-digitizing to reveal her stern yet tired face, sighed heavily. "After all that bother, a Silverhand would be decent to have right now. Unless you know how to make a Cosmo Canyon?" she said, flopping into the guest chair opposite the wizard.

Cosmo smirked. "It shares my name, I'll have to learn how to make one," he replied, noting down the drink's instructions on a piece of shale. "Should be up in a few minutes."

His attention returned to the Luigi amiibo, which seemed to show signs of life as he lightly scolded it for the issues it had caused. A hologram projection emerged from the amiibo, forming a rough vroid model of a feminine figure. The Lulz, as it introduced itself, apologized for the trouble and offered an explanation.

Cosmo and Mecha listened intently as Lulz revealed its identity as a manifestation of multiple individuals, split into different identities representing various traits, and yet also that they were, in fact, the original. It explained the existence of a counterpart, Lulz Prime, and the dangers posed by its instability.

As the conversation unfolded, Cosmo realized the gravity of the situation. They had prevented a potential catastrophe, but the implications of Lulz's existence were profound. Lulz spoke of retrieving its lost possessions scattered across the multiverse, seeking to regain control of its fragmented identity.

Cosmo proposed using a banishment spell to send Lulz back to its original plane of existence. After a moment's hesitation, Lulz agreed, and Cosmo cast the spell, watching as Lulz disappeared with a faint popping noise. The plan was to hold concentration for half a minute, just in case the place the Lulz was sent was NOT, in fact, where they belonged.

Thirty seconds later, Lulz returned, clattering back onto the table with renewed vigor. It expressed gratitude and a desire to stay under their care, seeking assistance in regaining its lost identity. The banishment was, in fact, successful-- but in order to actually stay there, to return to where the Lulz belonged, they would need to re-collect themselves. They were a long way from home, and with their memories regained after the strange Lulz singularity last year, there was a question of existentiality to be asked and answered.

Cosmo and Mecha discussed the logistics of Lulz's stay, considering its illusory form and limited capabilities. Cosmo, in a flash of curiosity, slipped a ring of Mage Hand off his own finger and placed it around the outstretched arm of the Luigi amiibo whence the Lulz hologram emitted. This, both miraculously and hilariously, gave the Lulz the ability to access the cantrip, carrying the amiibo around to afford them locomotion around the campus.

As they discussed the next steps, Lulz experimented with its newfound ability, testing the limits of the Mage Hand spell. Mecha chimed in, recounting her own experiences with dimensional travel and offering her expertise to aid Lulz's research.

Despite the challenges ahead, Cosmo and Mecha felt a sense of excitement at the prospect of assisting Lulz in their quest for identity. It was settled that Mecha would have a space in the basement of the tower, and that Lulz's student enrollment paperwork would be processed immediately-- before Cosmo had to go and talk to the headmaster to offer explanations.

[see-fee]

What are you thoughts on Apple TVs Foundation version?

Ah. I never wanted to talk about that, but I guess my thoughts on the subject are as worth putting down as any, so here goes.

Boring, dumb, cringeworthy, badly written by hacks.

Bad showrunner/writers, bad cast (one or two exceptions). Bad everything except the visuals. I couldn’t be bothered to continue past the second or third episode, where I Raych-quit from the sheer stupidity.

Not because it strayed from Asimov’s work (though it can hardly be called an adaptation when it so flagrantly disregards its source material). I can assess and enjoy adaptations on their own merits. The show is simply not entertaining—a cardinal sin for entertainment. Things happened one after another and I just didn’t care. I wanted to, but I didn’t.

It wasn’t even enjoyable in a greasy burger/guilty pleasure way (e.g. Whedon’s Firefly or early JJ Abrams like Fringe). I’ve gotten far more discerning with age/maturity but I do still watch dumb popcorn fare (including the I, Robot summer blockbuster). And this show wasn’t that for me. Because it was sold as more than that, in a world where shows like Andor exist.

Because it pretends to be smart when it clearly isn’t, when its incompetent writers have never written anything of value in their lives. Very stupid people are behind it: Goyer and Friedman. Showrunner and writer David Goyer is a talentless hack whose own writing/producing portfolio is riddled with trashy bottom-of-the-barrel superhero mediocrity (rated as low as 3/10, 4/10, 5/10 on IMDb, and the way ratings work is that there are false positives but no false negatives), who somehow weaseled his way into successful franchises where other writers did the heavy lifting. Its other writer Josh Friedman has nothing remotely decent under his belt, either. These cheap hacks have obviously never read or understood their source material beyond a perfunctory skim (and if you believe anything they spew, I've got a waterfront property in Oklahoma to sell you. Two words: publicity & marketing.) The proof is in the pudding—Goyer and Friedman lack the brains to handle the material, let alone deviate from it.

I didn’t finish the season because I don’t think it gets better. The core problems I noted aren't going anywhere, and plenty of sensible people with good taste have shared the issues they have with it, and much of that is in line with my own experience or expectations of quality.

Season 2 reeks of jumping the shark. I’ve seen the trailer and laughed at its ridiculousness. It was a flurry of “we have Star Wars at home” scenes and also for some bizarre reason there were dragons? Or something? They’re not even pretending to be Asimov’s story any more—which is probably better for everyone involved.

Change My View: I sometimes wonder if I ought to give it another go, though I don’t have Apple TV anymore which adds to the friction. If anybody mature (I'm a full decade past my meme years) with decent taste (more Oppenheimer than Barbie, more modernist than postmodern internet shitposter, more level-headed than rabid fanatical addict) wants to tell me how this show has some merit despite its flaws and is worth my time, please do. I’m all ears.

Criticism on writing + cast below 👇

Characters, dialogue, plot are badly written/designed.

They do stupid things for stupid reasons (mostly: the plot requires it). Reciting prime numbers beCaUsE mAtH. (Cube did it better.)

That early swimming pool sex scene—whereas it was plausible for the characters in Game of Thrones or the Expanse, here in the hands of dumb writers it’s a girl thirsting over a guy she just met because The Plot Requires It, so that this guy can randomly stab Seldon later in a truly idiotic turn.

Machiavellian characters like Salvor Hardin get downgraded into some basic military chad guarding the Ethereum logo, for some pathetically trite Chosen One storyline and a lame what’s-in-the-vault mystery with a hilariously awful payoff. (I laughed so hard when I found out what it was. That you-know-who was literally in the vault.)

The two decent cast members are surrounded by a pack of Z-rate bargain bin actors whose previous credits hover in the 2/10–5/10 range.

Lee Pace is recycling his Joe MacMillan from Halt and Catch Fire but with a chest-baring wardrobe, since he’s the designated eye candy. Jared Harris is phoning it in, also recycling the same role he’s cornered a niche on: whistleblower-guy-who-gets-ignored-then-dies, a la Chernobyl and The Terror.

Laura Birn is doing a passable job with what she’s given to work with, but, in an utterly inexplicable design choice, the poor woman must stand in an asinine arms-akimbo pose all the damned time because we need to remember iT’s a rObOt. Who can cry and have sex but not stand normally. Or something. (Humans did it better.)

Terrence Mann was a forgettable snooze-fest—so was Lou Llobell.

Leah Harvey and the rest I saw were laughably awful.

[domirine]

You probably do a lot of life drawing seeing as how perfectly fluid your art always is so this ask might be redundant lol but,, i was wondering what kind of references you usually use? Do you just google similar poses, does it come from your mind, or do you have a go-to app to look through like pinterest?👉👈 i ask bc I struggle a lot with poses and usually when i look them up i end up drawing nothing bc its not. Ever good enough for me/what im looking for lol😔 still not sure how to even draw characters smoochin, rip

thank you, nonny!! i do a lil bit of life drawing, but man i really do feel the same way you do. while i'm happy to show some art when i get it done, the process can be a real struggle.

sorry this is gonna be long and all over the place lol hope it helps tho:

life drawing good: i recommend ditching the idea of finding the 100% Perfect Ref right off the bat. studying anatomy and life drawing (this site has a range of body types and fun poses) somewhat regularly, therefore growing my mental library so that i can try and make whatever pose is in my head happen later, has been more viable to me than spending hours looking for the Perfect Ref.

drawing a bunch of generic people skating without pressure of creating proper character art is good practice, and it primes me to then come up with a skating pose of my own.

ref hunting: i save pictures i might use as refs regularly in a browser folder - good refs, bad refs, boring refs - losing a ref standard can be helpful because at the end of the day it’s what you make with it, so it doesn’t have to be particularly mind-blowing to begin with. you don’t wanna reinvent the wheel or create the most never-been-done-before pose, you just wanna get a thing right.

pinterest is very good for poses, yes, though you have to know how to look for them - i.e. i found that typing out "dynamic pose" will not yield organic results, as opposed to looking up people in motion like athletes, boxers, skaters and such. for fighting, i recommend using photos or clips from (ideally staged lol) fights, as opposed to stock images where the models are standing for a while posing - the former preserves a lot of the movement. i also recommend looking up group photos from events or shows for interesting natural poses and people interacting.

best hot tip of all tho: what helped me most is to not treat references very religiously. don't be tied down by what's in your ref, or not finding the perfect one, because then you're focusing on accuracy and not necessarily on what you wanna communicate with your drawing. if you can't find what you're looking for in full, just use a part that you find interesting, and then bullshit the rest and revise accordingly.

idea-generating can be very hard but you can practice it like any other skill, because having a decent idea of what you wanna draw is helpful - you don't have to have the whole pose visualised 100%. it's the mood, body language and expressions, that i think are more important. looking at refs can help reveal your ideas and intentions, but i will not create them for you i’m afraid.

for example, speaking on characters smooching, i've drawn these using refs in   pretty uptight way with no ideas beforehand - and i find them painfully boring because they're not rly communicating anything aside from a anatomical accuracy (more or less);

i was being too intent on staying faithful to the reference, and they're looking kinda stale to me. the only one that was done without any ref, was the bottom left - which i like! bc it's got spice and it’s portraying some emotion.

but i wouldn't have drawn it if i hadn't already started on the others, so maybe another good tip is to trust the process and not give up mid-work!! drawing stuff you’re not proud of is still drawing stuff, and not everything you create is gonna be satisfying. things are gonna click here and there, but you never know when, so don’t give up on your ugly artsy ducklings!!

[artemis-entreri]

[[ Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves Review (Spoiler-Free)

I was fortunate enough to attend an early showing of the new D&D movie on March 19, 2023 for Amazon Prime members. As a huge aficionado of the official D&D setting, the Forgotten Realms, I was nervous going in, especially given the history of D&D movies. The movie’s trailer was spectacular, but there was the very real fear that the trailer showed all the best parts of the movie and didn’t leave much for the rest of it. It also didn’t help that the tie-in novels, The Druid’s Call and The Road to Neverwinter, were pretty subpar, which was super disappointing both given that the latter was penned by an author who’d written decent Forgotten Realms novels in the past and that these were the only FR non-Drizzt novels we got since WotC discontinued the novel line. The folks responsible for the high quality of the Forgotten Realms Wiki were very concerned, as was I, for a feature film that might besmirch our beloved world.

We needn’t have worried, as Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves is, in a word, spectacular. It’s so engaging that it holds the attention of the single digit aged theatre attendees enraptured for the entire duration. Its funny moments had the whole theatre laughing. Its sentimental moments moistens the eyes of the most hard-hearted viewers. It brings classical D&D monsters brilliantly to life with the best of modern technology, while putting its own spin on those familiar creatures in really clever ways. Even the most predictable plot point manages to be a tear-jerker, through the exceptional employment one of the most basic strategies of effective storytelling: showing instead of telling. But most of all, for me personally at least, Honor Among Thieves’ greatest success is the bringing home of the core tenet of D&D: the joy and love of a found family, regardless of different histories. 

Those not at all familiar with Forgotten Realms lore need not worry, as points of significance are explained without being artificial. There certainly are elements that the most dedicated loreheads can nitpick, however the movie is so stellar that I and many others find those elements more than acceptable. It is the case that the movie feels like a generic fantasy movie that borrows bits and pieces from the Realms rather than being a dedicated D&D/FR movie, but this is more than understandable in order to have a wider appeal. However, all of this is totally fine, because, as one of the head editors of the Forgotten Realms Wiki (BadCatMan) so aptly puts it:

I gotta say, I was the person most primed for disappointment in the whole wide world. I documented it for seven years, and the movie isn't even that old. I researched and reported on the production, I scoured social media and LinkedIn for clues, just to get articles developed in time. I promoted it, I put the wiki's reputation on it. And then I read the godsawful novelisation that made it indistinguishable from garbage. The other books sounded little better, compressing and dullifying our Realms. I wearied myself out writing wiki articles. I was sick with nervousness all day. 

But the books lied. The promotion lied. It is not some big flashy blow-shit-up Marvel-style movie with a lot of wisecracking and jokes at the expense of the material. It is a classic fantasy adventure movie that treats it all with respect, runs with it, and has a little fun with it. It's not quite the quintessential D&D movie, nor a perfect Forgotten Realms tale. There's still a bit too much Hollywood moviemaking in it. But it may be as close as a movie will come.

There are gaping plot and lore holes in it, and some things are never explained. But it wouldn't be Forgotten Realms without that last mystery, that one loose thread to tug on. [...] And while the books made travel times non-existent and the Realms seem more compressed than the average open-world computer game, the movie has plenty of travel scenes and grand landscapes. Faerûn is as big and beautiful as we always imagined.

I myself teared up at every sprawling scene of the landscape. It meant so much to see a world I love to the bones brought to life. Honor Among Thieves certainly didn’t need to, but it more than pays homage to the scenes of the world. From the depths of the Underdark to the sprawling icy wastes of Icewind Dale, the movie honors the world, lifts it up high, and shows everyone that sense of wonder long time Forgotten Realms fans know in their hearts. 

My only regret is that my theatre did not have the Themberchaud popcorn bucket for sale (photos courtesy of Sheepy, who washed it out and is using it as a dice holder, from Ed Greenwood’s own Forgotten Realms lore Discord server, Greenwood’s Grotto):

It is unknown whether this dragon head will be available in US theatres. It seems that USA AMCs are getting a D20 popcorn bucket instead:

(Image from above is from: https://www.tiktok.com/@amctheatres/video/7210819695308688686?_r=1&_t=8ak5XP7se8w)

This movie will definitely do well enough such that sequels and spin-offs would also be profitable. We can only hope that they do as good of a job as they did with this premier.

For a comprehensive coverage of the movie, check out the Forgotten Realms Wiki’s article on Honor Among Thieves. If you’re interested in a detailed lore breakdown, be sure to visit the Wiki again at a later time, as that’s currently being worked on! 

The aforementioned BadCatMan is working on a, ���detailed breakdown, personal critique, metatextual metagame overanalysis of the movie, though it is spoiler-free and focused on the storyline rather than the lore, though I cover lore later. It's not finished yet though. ” Check that out here! ]]

[mx-piggy]

Time for my weekly Hulurama review! As always, spoilers ahead!

So, I was really excited about this episode because Parasites Lost is one of my favourite episodes of the show. As a result, I naturally compared the two throughout watching it and as I'm thinking about it writing this review.

Obviously, this episode's much weaker than Parasites Lost because... well, it's Futurama season 11. It's obviously not going to be as good as an episode from the show's prime. I think Parasites Regained is a decent episode, though. It's not bad by any means, it's got some good laughs, and I liked the sci-fi premise well-enough. I'm really unfamiliar with Dune beyond it being in a desert setting, Timothee Chalamet and Zendaya being in it for like seven minutes. I have a personal bias against desert settings; as a rule of thumb, I just feel instant boredom. I don't know if a familiarity with Dune would have enhanced my enjoyment of the episode and to what extent it referenced Dune beyond what I would recognise- if you've seen Dune, let me know what you thought of the episode and what I might have not realised was a Dune reference. Anyway, the whole joke of things being pronounced like 'dune' became tiresome by the end of the episode, and it made me wish the episode felt less like a parody of something and more like it's own original thing, like how Parasites Lost felt like it's own thing. I still liked what they did with going into Nibbler's litterbox instead of going into his body like they did in Parasites Lost, and I think the desert setting was pretty clever. I just feel like this episode felt kind of hollow setting-wise compared to Parasites Lost.

Additionally, I didn't really think the episode was set up as well as Parasites Lost. With Parasites Lost, you had the build-up of Fry eating that vile sandwich and getting impaled (if I recall correctly). And then, it went between the relatively equally divided plots of the crew going in Fry's body to deal with the worms and Leela realising that the worms make Fry better, and Fry grappling with the fact that Leela loved him for the worms, not him. Meanwhile, Parasites regained didn't have any such set up. It was just 'Nibbler threw up and the vet told him he has worms'. It just feels a little like it happened for no reason whatsoever. There were glimmers throughout the episode of parallels you could draw to Parasites Lost, like how it involves someone Leela cares for, and how it directly subverts Parasites Lost by having the parasites make Nibbler stupider. But, it could have done a lot more with the original beyond acknowledging it's existence for five seconds with Fry's 'hey you used to be in me' line. Granted, I'd rather have that line than the clunky first five minutes of Children of a Lesser Bog. But, there really was an opportunity to have Parasites Regained tie more into Parasites Lost narratively. Like, maybe you could have Leela enjoying Nibbler more as a pet, and being torn between wanting Nibbler to be happy as a highly intelligent being or having him be a common house pet. Or something. I don't know; I'm not a professional writer. Anyway, my point is that Parasites Lost felt incredibly rich because of how in-depth Fry and Leela's feelings around the situation were explored, and how you get to see Fry change gradually because of the worms.

Meanwhile, this episode just feels shallow in comparison, like 'hey we're doing the worms episodes again but this time it's just so we can do a Dune parody, and it doesn't get more complex than that'. We don't get to see much of how Nibbler changes beyond him becoming a bit more like a dog, like when he chews up the Professor's slipper. There's no sense of stakes or anything, like how in Parasites Lost you get to see Fry and Leela's relationship develop because of the worms, which gives it a lot more complexity. I don't know, maybe I'm missing something. But, I think this episode missed an opportunity to make an episode that felt cohesive with its predecessor.

I have been really hard on this episode, but I really don't think it's terrible as much as it is disappointing when you hold it up against Parasites Lost. Despite my wish that it had gone more in-depth, I really like this as an episode about Leela and Nibbler's relationship. And, it was nice how much the Planet Express crew cared about Nibbler, too. It was genuinely sweet to see. Generally, I think it worked well as a fun Planet Express adventure, though I wish that the whole crew had been more involved, like in Parasites Lost.

Also, this was a small detail but I really like how Leela was excited to see an alien language film, because of her mom being an exolinguist. It was just a nice touch.

Humour-wise, I think this episode was really strong and it was definitely enough to make me like this episode rather than feel completely disappointed by it.

Here's a list of jokes I enjoyed:

-Approximately 6

-The 'Nibbler you can talk' x2 joke. It was my kind of dumb humour.

-The movie they went to see made me giggle. Just the sound of the aliens shrieking and the emotional reaction to it was funny.

-The bit with vet was kinda funny.

-‘That’s sad and dumb’, ‘oh good you’re already crying’, 'enjoy the carnage’ - the Professor had quite a few funny lines in this episode!

-‘I’ve been taking all my pills like a good boy’

-‘Amy, shove it’ ‘No you shove it’ I LOVE HER-

-‘My manwich!’ - I quote this line a lot, so it made me happy to have it brought back.

-I'm ashamed to say that I laughed when Nibbler began weeping in the cone of shame.

I think something reoccurring with this season is that the sci-fi concepts feel a little hollow/underdeveloped at times. This episode was strong with its humour, but I think it missed an opportunity to also be strong emotionally like Parasites Lost. It's clear that Futurama can continue ideas from its original run in meaningful ways, as has been made clear by Children of a Lesser Bog, an episode I adored despite the major problem of its clumsy set-up and expositional dialogue.

Overall, I liked Parasites Regained because it's pretty fun when you don't have the original episode in mind. This episode was always doomed to be compared to Parasites Lost, and it was always going to fall short. It isn't a bad episode by any means- at least I personally don't think so. I'd probably be a lot more positive about this episode if I didn't love Parasites Lost so much. It's got enough going for it that it won't go down in my list of least-favourite Futurama episodes, because as a stand-alone episode it's got a decent story, good jokes and some sweet moments. Even if I feel this episode could have done so much more, you could do a whole lot worse than Parasites Regained.

[midnightstargazer]

So I'm working on a WIP where Kingsley is one of the main characters, and I've come to a point where I need to decide what Hogwarts House he was in. For reasons. And the thing is, I don't really have a headcanon on that. In fact, I think there's a very strong case to be made for why he could have been in literally any of them.

Gryffindor is the obvious choice. He's an Auror, which I - like most people, I think - imagine to be a mostly but not exclusively Gryffindor line of work. He's also a member of the Order of the Phoenix, which is canonically a mostly Gryffindor organization. (No matter how many headcanons any of us come up with about the characters whose Houses aren't known, in canon there are only three confirmed non-Gryffindor members: Tonks, Snape, and Mrs. Figg.) Aside from group membership, he comes across as a very courageous person who cares deeply about doing the right thing, even when it's not advantageous for him. For instance, he joined the Order during book 5 when associating with Dumbledore could have destroyed his career, and he kept fighting during book 7 despite being a pure-blood who would otherwise have been in a position of power under the new regime.

He could easily have been a Ravenclaw as well. He comes across as a very intelligent person, and his job as an Auror seems to involve a lot of investigative work rather than just combat. He may not actually be trying to find Sirius, but the fact that he was chosen to be in charge of the search for him suggests he has been successful at that kind of work before. He is one of the minds behind Potterwatch, which is an effort to aid those resisting the Death Eaters by sharing information, a strategy that would make sense coming from a Ravenclaw (and that looks similar to what another Ravenclaw, Xeno Lovegood, was doing before the Death Eaters started blackmailing him). He's also open-minded enough to question what the Ministry is saying in book 5, and one of my headcanons is that he was asking questions and noticing inconsistencies about Sirius's case just from going over the evidence even before he joined the Order and learned for sure that he was innocent.

Hufflepuff is associated with justice and fair play, and Helga Hufflepuff was known to accept any students the other founders were not interested in teaching. Kingsley shows a similar mindset during the Potterwatch episode the trio listen to, where he advocates for wizards to protect their Muggle neighbors and argues against the idea of "wizards first." Although any decent person could have that attitude, it would be very fitting for a Hufflepuff. He's also the one who eventually got rid of the dementors from Azkaban, and his interactions with Sirius suggest that he cares more about actual justice than just enforcing the letter of the law. He's hardworking, as well; the Muggle Prime Minister speaks highly of his work ethic and efficiency, and that's regarding a job that's just a cover for his actual job. He's not blindly loyal (e.g., works against Fudge in book 5), but the same could be said of Tonks, who is canonically a Hufflepuff.

Slytherin would make a lot of sense, too, though. He spends basically a full year secretly working for both the Ministry and the Order of the Phoenix, hiding his allegiance to the latter very effectively from the former. He leads the search for Sirius while secretly doing everything he can to misdirect it and keep Sirius safe, and apparently never comes under suspicion while doing so. He's quick-thinking and pragmatic in tricky situations, for example modifying Marietta's memory. So is he cunning? I would say so. And as for ambition, he doesn't seem to prioritize obtaining power for its own sake, but he's certainly willing to take on a leadership role when needed (see: leading the Order in book 7 and becoming Minister of Magic at the end).