#Please take this gift mai waifu

[danger-noodle-uwu]

I'm new to tumblr so is this how you do request? May I request the brothers forgetting mc's birthday and later remembering it. How would they react? Maybe they were busy or something. Your choice if you wanna do the dateables too.

Trigger warning

Mentions of Angst/sad/slight comfort

Lucifer

Busy almost all the time, the first-born barely spent time with our dear Mc. He would try to finish the work only for more to be slammed on his desk.

Never would his brothers acknowledge his efforts or the sacrifices he made for them. Instead they'd mock him. Mock him for being absent at all family times. Mock him for doing what he does.

It was once again such a time, such a day. They didn't bother to care what the day has held for his beloved. It was their birth.

The birth of the one who truly changed his life along with his brothers. It was such a blessing yet he forgot about it. Entirely.

The Avatar of pride was strong, Lucifer wasn't. He was weak. Vulnerable. Especially against his brothers whom he adored with his entire being.

And the mocking words had stabbed him deeply, which made his current state as to how it was. Drunk. Wounded. Crying.

Rubbing his eyes, he awoke to a mess of his office which screamed the need for cleanliness.

During the process, he found the calender. A sweet calender gifted him by his doll.

A smile had crept on his face as he lifted it for what? Perhaps to calm the unsettling feeling in his bones that told him to run but where he didn't know?

While their lover was, Mc wilted much like a delicate flower would if the sun stopped shinning, they were laying curled on the floor of his room. Mc needed him.

How could he forget his own lover's birthday?! even after he promised... it hurts.. so much...

Yesterday. The poor human cut the cake wished themselves a happy birthday when he didn't...crying...in pain...

The realization hit hard. He ran to Mc's room as fast as he could. A shiver ran his spine and the horror in his stomach grew as each and every step was taken.

Yet could not find them, so he went over to his office expecting a fuming Mc.

He was once again not right, for his beloved was breaking down as he took them into his arms. Consoling.

He apologised and comforted them. Reassuring them over and over again. Reminding them his heart still is with them and no-could ever take it away.

He later threw a party, just like how you wanted. You. Him. And the growing fragrance of the candles surrounding you both.

Though late as it may have been, it was the best birthday the innocent human had. Smiling while he kissed your knuckles, he asked for your hand in marriage.

Never had you expected this...

"I Found the reason for my smile, the day I found you. Will you let me be the reason for your smile and marry me, my love?"

Mammon

As most had expected, he forgot your birthday due to witches or the modeling gig, he did not.

Instead he forgot about preparing your birthday gifts. His excitement had always gotten the best of him.

The Avatar of greed did not have enough budget to prepare the gift you dearly wished for, therefore multiple part-time jobs and skipping RAD became more often.

Despite the scolding, he didn't bother and worked on, just imagining the smile you'd make once you saw what he got you.

''I'll make Mc smile. Just one more hour extra and the budget would be*chef's kiss* '' he thought as his co-workers packed their belongings up.

It was late night and the moons shined brightly over the streets of devildom however he wasn't much worried because it was not like your birthday the next day. (it was)

Stretching his arms, he woke up around 1:35 pm due to his fucked up sleep schedule, only to be greeted by your excited figure cuddling him.

Grey-haired demon thought it was the Delirium before the day itself. He was wrong.

At first he acted totally oblivious to the fact any special day was just around the corner. He knew that surprises even more better!!

And then your great mammon ignored you for a while to rid of the risk of you following him to the destination.

Though his plan was to get your hopes down, he ended up making you cry. It hurts a lot especially when the love of your life forgets your birthday afterall you gave him everything he wanted on his.

The visit was successful. He even had extras left to treat you!!!

The was big achievement for someone who hated working to the slightest, to work for 3 weeks and multiple jobs!!!

But before he left, the seller mocked him about being a damned day late for this gift could have been sold at a better price if not booked.

That is when it all clicked and he panicked. Today was your birthday! Oh shit!!

He rushed home back to you. As he ran, he planned how to ask for your forgiveness.

" Oi Mc I'm sorry!--Oh hell no!!" "Mc I fucked I am sorry, please forgive afterall I'm your first man.--fuck this shit imma just play smooth."

Panting, he paused right before the door of your room and knocked lightly. Seeking your permission to enter.

You lazily opened the door for him, tired after shedding many tears for him.

Mammon instantly knew what to do. "Oi Mc I'm sorry for not wishing ya' a happy birthday earlier but I was busy buyin you somethin', here darlin' close your eyes."

Hearing his apology, you felt oddly happy and followed his request. Soon you felt a soft cold metal cling to your wrist. A bracelet, huh.?

"Open y'er eyes, human." On your wrist was bracelet that said 'His human' and another matching one was on his wrist which said 'Their stupid' . (Now isn't that adorable?)

"I was savin' up for this, so ya' better appreciate it. Hmph!" Giggling you yelled 'I love you' at him making him blush immediately.

However, when he spoke, he spoke genuinely and not in tsundere.

"Ya' make my life worth living. You bring smiles to my face, and y'er touch shows me how much you love me and care for me. Y'er my friend and my lover. Happy Birthday!"

Leviathan

With envy filled to the brim, Leviathan was very focused upon you and having your attention only for himself. To not let anyone snatch you away for they could better be than him, he'd make notes to treat you like royalty and improve his guilt-tripping habits.

Guilt, regret, shame. His heart screamed within the confines of his chest, as he rubbed your back assuring you that he still loved and will continue to do so.

It was his envy. It had always been his envy. Who always held him captive like a bird in a cage, he struggled to break free. He just couldn't.

The fault was his for if he hadn't given in to the jealousy named poison, you would be happily celebrating your birthday rather than crying in his embrace.

The fault was his for if he hadn't screamed at your friends who just came to congratulate you about getting in a relationship with the demon you very much loved and to wish you a birthday.

They left because of him. Not because he humiliated them but he forgot his own lover's birthday and called them a pathetic cheater, as they didn't feel like reminding of what the day was. They had left off with their friends, returning at HOL at night only to get yelled at.

Caring friends as they were, they tried convincing Mc to leave which his love refused. So, they left pitying the poor human.

No-matter how much Mc begged her companions to stay, they didn't.

Oh the suffering for His Normie, they ran upto him vulnerable-ly and started hitting him weakly, breaking down. Why was he? Why was he like this?! Why must he always leave you crying due to his envy?!

"Hey easy...calm down please, I'm sorry. I really am sorry, please forgive me and I promise I will make everything right. Please." "How..?" "Please trust me. My love." "Are you sure..?" "Yes...yes...I love you..."

Could you really trust his statement? You wondered. He could forget his word much like how he forgot your birthday.

The great admiral of hell's navy was true to his word, and successfully united you again with those who almost abandoned you or it seemed like--but no they were just disappointed. They were never going to do such a thing.

The meet went smoothly, and soon the the sun was setting casting shadows along with dying light, it was a dreamy sight for anyone.

Leviathan had known that he still had to make upto you properly and therefore, he took you to the cosmos of frodane.

Red, blue, yellow, any colour you could possibly think of was there, shining as brightly you were.

Taking in a shaky breath, the Avatar of envy gave you a bouquet, each flower consisting different scent which complimented the other.

The shimmer in your eyes gave you away and he gave you a sweetly addicting kiss while mumuring...

"I always cause some mess. It is never your fault. I’m sorry for making you feel unhappy. I cannot believe that I cause hurt to you. You are my only hope for my life. I promise you that I will do my best to make a better version of myself for you, my 3rd waifu~"

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And here we go... the pain and the suffering. Lol

Hope you like it and stay safe everyone. ♡♡♡

Have a good day!

[husbandohunter]

Boys over flowers [Genshin Impact/Various x Reader] Part 2

Not everything had to be about fighting. Ahem Childe.

Genre: fluff, angst(?)

Characters: Zhongli, Childe, Albedo, Xiao

{Zhongli}

Out of all the bountiful possessions in the land he carved with his very own hands, the glaze lily had always been his favourite.

This flower was a nostalgia stained with time. As much as he loved them, the love he felt was more of a bittersweet sadness if anything. The loss of a friend, his mentor, someone he cherished so deeply, all of it was held into a single glaze lily.

Once as Morax, now as ordinary Zhongli, in those 6000 years he had seen it all. Even his grief for Guizhong faded into a memory.

Sometimes Zhongli felt like he was reading from a story book. Detatched while staring through an omniscient standpoint. It seems that his infinite years brought both experience and lonliness along the way.

"Zhongli? What are you staring at?"

But not when he was with you.

The glaze lily went on many journeys when he met you

He remembers the first encounter on a sunset night just as the petals  were about to bloom. You were there, crouched down, staring into his golden eyes.

“This is for you! Not many can be fully matured like this so make sure to take good care of it,” You held it out to him and he takes the stem out of your hold.

“A parting gift, I appreciate your thoughtfulness,” Zhongli sees it as a sign of a new contract, “It seems you possess a good eye when you were selecting them.”

He remembers the bouquet you presented during his birthday, the garland you placed on his head when he was reading, the vase by his desk always filled to the brim whenever you’d pay a visit to his parlour.

He remembers how the blue petals scattered across the floor the day you two married, everywhere he went so did this flower. Everytime he saw this flower, he thought of you.

Was it okay to feel like this? No one can ever replace Guizhong, was it okay to love again even when this being was much more perishable than she was? Zhongli was use to the experience of tragedy and loss as it was part of life.

Ah, so this must be what it feels like to live like a mortal.

To cherish every passing moment knowing that it won’t last forever. He will embrace it to the end. 

Old memories that were once dust rose from the soil, now reborn into a new beginning. Your curious gaze leans closer to his profile, sitting side-by-side under the blankets of your shared bed, the corners of his lips lift into a small smile.

“I’m only reminiscing, my dear. You don’t need to worry for me.” He kisses your forehead and tucked you to bed. The candle now blown out as his arms wrapped around your waist while spooning from behind.

Zhongli closed his eyes, knowing if he dreamt of a garden full of glaze lilies, there will be no sadness behind it.

{Childe}

Mother fucker would try to turn this into a sparring session.

This is why you NEVER invite Childe. If the valley were the air nomads, Childe was the fire nation. He’d stomp his muddy shoes in front of you just to get your attention simply because he knows it will piss you off.

An angry s/o means a potential fight. Win win situation.

Thus, no one blamed you for giving him a cold shoulder after that.

“Aha, looks like I went a little too far, didn’t I? Alright alright, I’ll stop trampling on your flowers from now on, you have my word. So talk to me, okay? Please?”

Alas you spare him a glance, “Make that a pinky promise.”

He didn’t know you were so serious about gardening. The Feiyun commerce guild took greate pride in cultivating the finest silk flowers in all of Teyvat and you being from that guild held up that legacy. Even if Childe tries to buy back the ones he stepped on, nothing could match the quality of your work.

Needless to say, your little hobby became a normal thing, Childe was very chaotic in nature so something more calm was nice to mediate that attitude. You taught him how to water plants, place the fertilizer and knowing which ones to pick.

But let’s be real, florist Childe isn’t that far-fetched because he is 10/10 waifu material.

Then Teucer comes in and tags along. He wanted to take some silk flowers back to Tonia until Childe informed him they’ll wilt on their way to Snezhnaya. 

“Aww, that’s too bad,” he would say while pouting, “Then I’ll give them to you big sister (Y/n)!”

“How sweet, you’ll be quite the charmer when you’re all grown up, Teucer. Maybe even better than your big brother.”

“Come on now, babe. You know that’s impossible.”

You twirled the silk flower right under your nose, the playful tone never leaving your voice, “Oh really? You and Teucer both share the same genes so yes, it is a possibility.”

An amusing glint dances in the ocean of his gaze as he gleefully remarks, “Well if you put it that way, I think Teucer would be at a very big disadvantage.”

“What do you-”

Before you could finish, Childe covers Teucer’s eyes and leans over to steal a sinful kiss, sliding his tongue inside. He purposely brushed his lips over yours after parting, completely satisfied by your flustered expression.

I love this bastard

{Xiao}

Hip hip hooray for having both Qiqi and Xiao in your party. Must be fun collecting their ascension materials.

“Adeptus Xiao!”

Your dumbass fell off the high cliff while obtaining the violet grass, Xiao yeets in from nowhere and caught you from death’s clutches.

Shall I mention that this had happened TWICE already?

Xiao carries you to safety and gently settles you down to your feet. He shot you the sharpest and most deadpan look he could muster because actions speak louder that words, he was trying to make a point.

You gave him a weary smile as the violetgrass batch limps in your hands along with the qingxins.

“I can hardly fathom how utterly stupid and moronic you can actually be. What did you think would happen when you tried to pull off that stunt? That you’d suddenly grow wings and be able to fly?”

His harsh words put you back into your place like a scolded child, “I’m sorry...I just wanted to help...”

Mah man does not watch what he says and always end up guilty. Your kicked puppy look is really going to be the death of him. He means well, just harsh when it comes to your well-being.

“Fine, give me those. I’ll take care of it.” He wouldn’t allow you to retort, he just took them from your hands and left without a word.

Let’s just say that Xiao isn’t the best when it comes to handling flowers as he would handle monesters, his touch isn’t the most delicate either and would prefer to get the job done fast. 

Sometimes he’d pull the roots our along with it, dirt and mud dripping from the bottom of the stem. Or the opposite. He pulls too hard and the stem just SNAPS and you’re left with just the blossom. 

“Does it matter? They’re only ingredients as you’ve said.”

That gave you a perfect excuse to teach him the ways of gardening and just be more delicate overall. 

At first he didn’t understand why humans were so meticulous about these things but when he saw a man present a bouquet to his wife, Xiao began to reconsider his methods. He doesn’t undersand mortal traditions as much and sticks to something simple and classy.

Don’t be surprised when you find a bunch on your desk for your birthday <3

{Albedo}

The sheer cold of dragon spine could naturally kill any botanical organisms aside from mints. The only flowers Albedo usually sees are the ones he artificially makes.

But being the genius he was, Albedo knew every variety of flowers to exist in the book. In this case, HE was the expert.

To him, the flower was the symbol of life. Albedo only knew the scientific facts of plant life and their natural functions, you on the otherhand were more familiar with the flower languages in a deeper meaning.

Today was a rare day where Albedo figured he’d step out of that freezing lab and conduct his research somewhere warmer, specifically Windrise where it’s quiet and away from the city.

“Dandelions may not be flowers but thei’re the main specialty of Mondstadt carrying the meaning of ‘freedom’! That’s probably how the Acting Grandmaster got her title.”

“Freedom...” He ponders, “I guess you cold say that.”

Albedo can’t understand why people would choose to associate meaning with plants. Where do their ideas come from? And why? Frankly, he can’t see the point in any of it. 

But at the same time, it made him happy to see you so enthusiastic about his research even if it wasn’t quite near the target. Albedo had always been so engrossed in his work and you’d just silently keep him company of the side, not many times where you both fot to nerd out on the same topic.

Emotions were still a mystery to him. It seems that even upon the most boring subjects, they don’t seem boring anymore when talking to his significant other. Soon enough, Albedo found himself putting his research aside and just listening to you talk. 

“And the Rose expresses romance and love. It’s common for lovers to give it to another during Valentines day.”

He hums cheekily, “Are you telling me that just to hint me to give one to you?”

“W-Well, I didn’t say that.”

He got nothing done. Perhaps his research can wait for another day, right now, he was more curious on what other meanings can a flower hold.

[softpatts]

꒦꒷ִֶָ· . the obey me characters preferred nicknames (as well as their reactions because i cant stay on topic)

warnings: none !!

fandom: Obey Me!

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ᜊʕ っ◞ ˕ ◟c ʔ.. ♡︎ 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠: ayee im,, not dead ^^; im soso sorry for not posting- havent had much motivation to write latley,, as you can probably tell !! so again,, sorry !! but have these,, kinda shitty headcanons ~ !! <3

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𝙻𝚞𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚛:

- hes really old fashioned with pet names

- will automatically call you "Darling",, no i dont take criticism

- as the relationship progresses hell call you more,, such as sweetheart,, doll,, mine,, pos s i b l y babydoll though im a bit iffy on that one

- hes just a sucker for nicknames like those,, the old sappy ones,, and god the way he says it fits perfectly,, just the slight accent he puts into it is,, mWAH

- as for him,, he doesnt have any preffered nicknames,, but something about the way his name sounds coming out of your mouth

- god he loves it so much

- though besides his name his favorite would probably be darling/my love

- it seems so intimate and he loves how hes the only one you call that,, nobody else

𝙼𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚘𝚗:

- weve seen what this man calles MC,, his human,, he likes most nicknames as long as theres "my" in front of it

- though the ones he called you most are stupid,, idiot,, dummy,, you can see the pattern

- while that i s how he expresses his love,, if he sees its bothering you even the slightest bit hell stop right away

- hes pretty rough with affection,, but he wILL call you doll,, no doubt about it

- and the way it soUN D S AAA it sounds so pretty and god its just,, wow

- when it comes to calling HIM nicknames,, he loves being called baby (or baby boy,, but hell never admit to that one)

- no matter how long you two have been together hell get extremely blushy n flustered whenever you call him that,, hell tell you to shut up,, spoiler alert he doesnt want you to

- please keep calling him that he loves it akdhsk

𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚒:

- hes extremely akward with it at first,, and youll probably have to bring it up first

- i feel like hell call you his "irl waifu" alot,, or hell call you his "henry"

- though in the private of his or your room,, hell call you really sappy names like princess,, baby,, or anything with "my" in front of it,, though he only really calls you baby when youre teasing him

- hell stretch out the "y" n say it in a really whiny voice aA

- the first time he called you princess was one night,, after staying up for days on end,, he finally crashed,, he was close to passing out while leaning against you

- though before he fell asleep you heard him whisper a soft "night princess" AND OH MY GOD AKDHSK

- switching to him now,, he loves it when you call him handsome,, or your prince

- every time itll make his heart soar and hell turn into a fumbling blushy mess,, like mammon he wILL call you stupid,, and tell you to shut up

- once agAIN DONT- DONT SHUT UP HE LOVES IT

- theres been many occasions where hes accidentally called you a really cheesy cutsey nickname in front of mammon,, and god he never lets it go

- hell tease levi endlessly,, mocking him in a wierd voice that you assume was supposed to be levis..?

- but no matter how much he gets teased for it,, he loves being called pet names

𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚊𝚗:

-hell definitely call you kitty,,, doesn’t matter where,, in the bedroom,, in front of his brothers,, even in the presence of Lord Diavolo himself

- he thinks it fits !! seeing as he likes cats,,, and likes you even more,, what better than to call you his kitty??

- I feel like he’s also the type of person to call you baby,, but in a really deep n fancy voice,, fancy?? I think that’s right AKDHSK

- but he loves your reactions,, no matter if it’s getting extremely flustered,, or you doing it right back to him !!

- the first time Lucifer heard him call you kitty,, mans spit out his drink- he was,, surprised to say the least??

- after that it just pissed him off,, so aye another reason to keep calling you his kitty !!

- he enjoys any nicknames,, though if you call him master- WOOH lemme just say this man will go feral aA he loves it,, he’ll get flustered if it’s in a public setting though- he’s all for calling you embarrassing nicknames but when you flip it around all of a sudden he’s against it 😞

- (just saying,, thats a lie- he loves it when you call him that in public akdhdk he likes people knowing he’s yours as much as you’re his !!

𝙰𝚜𝚖𝚘:

-he calls you baby,, precious,, cutie,, all tho s e akdhsk 

- hell do it in a real,y high pitched,, almost baby voice n it’s sweet at first,, but gets annoying when he wONT SHUT UP

- if he knows it annoys you,, no he won’t stop,, he’ll do the opposite in fact,, he’ll do it even more !!

- if you start getting “angry” he’ll drape himself over you n try to kiss you while saying “you know you love meeee” drawing out the e

- when he does that the others swear he drunk,, actually drunk?? no,, love drunk?? yes,, yes very much

- he loves you,, and he’s not gonna stop showing you exactly how much he loves you !!

- now that’s what he calls you,, but ypu calling hIM nicknames ><

- he lOVES LO V E S it when you call him things like "pretty boy" "cutie" "handsome"

- they just make his heart flutter,,, and though he may get those all the time,, them coming from you just makes it an absolute gift

- hell often retort back with one of your nicknames

- "what are ya doing handsome??"

- "nothing really cutie~ i was planning on going to this new salon that opened up though,, would you like to come?"

- something about you calling him nicknames just,, mwah !!

- he also loves when you call his personality pretty,, or compliment his personality/traits,, hes used to compliments about his physical body,, but hi m and what he can actually do makes his heart flutter,, and hed actually get somewhat flustered !!

𝙱𝚎𝚎𝚕:

- He definitley calls you sth food related,, his creampuff,, dumpling,, honey,, sweetheart,, just really sweet n nice nicknames,,, he loves the way it sounds when he talks to you

- the first time he called you that was in the kitchen,, he had heard satan talking about these things that were common in relationships called "pet names"

- so you walked into the kitchen one night n it was the first thing that came to his mine

- "hey there creampuff,,"

- wh a t

- you had to do a double take,, but,, after a few seconds you answered

- "is something wrong??" please he thought he made you uncomfy,, or satan was wrong,,,

- "no !! i just,,, wansnt expecting that from you"

- hell call you nicknames ALOT

- first thing in the morning,, randomly in the hallway,, just anytime hes able to hell call you nicknames,, its gone to the point where hell rarley call you by your actual name

- he loves it when you call him "my man",, "baby",, "sweetheart",, but his favorite would have to be "my love"

- nicknames with "my" in them make his heart flutter

- the first time you called him a nickname he froze up and got all blushy

- he didnt at all exepect that,, and you sounded so casual??? what???

- he pulled you over you him,, wrapped his arms around you,, and rested his head on top of yours

- he didnt let go for,, quite a while

𝙱𝚎𝚕𝚙𝚑𝚒𝚎:

- belphie isnt actually one for nicknames,,, he doesnt think it makes any sense,, why should he call you anything other than your name??

- though if you ask,, or it comes up at all that you want him to call you something,, hell do it without hesitation- aksjak

- he calls you sleepyhead. No i dont take criticism- it doesnt matter if you nap as much as him or not hes calling you sleepyhead

- i feel like he also might call you his light,, or his sunshine,, just because of how he met you,,, n how at some points you seem like the only good thing in his life at that moment,,,

- "i love you, my light,, more than i could ever tell you."

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA GOD PLEASE AKSJAJS

- as for you calling him nicknames,, he could really care less,, as long as its from you he loves it

- one of his favorites is "my moon" you just,, came up with it one day,, and he stuck with it,, and its gotten to the point where hell barley answer to his own name,, which can get him in a bit of trouble

- "belphie !! get yer ass up and help me with this !!"

- "belphie."

-"BELPHIE!!"

- "hm? Oh were you saying something?"

- "yes i called your name like a hundred times or somethin !!"

- sometimes he just doesnt answer you when you call him by his name,, and hell wait and stare at you until you until you call him by his nickname

𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑠 🏷️:

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[illusory-torrent]

Why I prefer the Genshin Impact fandom to the RWBY fandom.

I'll start off by saying what many of us are thinking. It's sad that the ships are nearly the only thing the RWBY fandom talks about because the plot leaves so many in a state of dissatisfaction. I've seen so many RWBY fans and non-fans alike say, "Oh, I don't care about the plot, I'm only watching for [insert ship here]" or "I'm going to drop the show if [insert ship here] doesn't happen". For those who doubt me, please believe me, it's a thing. 

Now, when I say that the RWBY fandom only really cares for shipping, you might ask, "Is that not what every fandom does though?"

Well... yes! You're right. However, I think the RWBY fandom takes it to the next level. 

First off, the theory-making side of the RWBY fandom has completely died. I remember there being videos theorizing if Yang was part-dragon Faunus or Ruby being a fox Faunus. These days, the fandom's theories boil down to, "What's up with the void that Team RWBY fell into?" due to V8's ending, but back during V5-V7, there were hardly any theories being posted. Most people just don't care anymore. 

Second off, Miles and Kerry struggle with writing characters outside of pairs. Not just romantic pairs, but pairs in general. Most characters only have interacts with their team partners, their love interests, their familial relationships, and... that's it. Blake is a prime example of this. Her best interactions are with Yang (her team partner), Sun (her former love interest), Ilia (another former love interest), and Adam (her ex-boyfriend). Her worst interactions are with Ruby (her team's leader, whom she hardly interacts with) and pretty much everyone else. Even her interactions with Weiss are few and far between. Another example would be Penny. Prior to Volume 3, Penny's best interactions were with Ruby. Penny hardly interacted with anyone else in a meaningful way. She dies and Ruby's tearful reaction is focused on. Why? Because she's one of the few characters Penny actually had a relationship with! Penny comes back in Volume 7, and she still only really interacts with Ruby. Her only new relationship that's developed is with Winter... and we find out why. It's because when Penny is killed by Jaune, her maiden powers are transferred to Winter, the rightful owner.

Miles and Kerry being unable to write outside of pairs is why we only have each of our characters only interact with certain other characters. Before Jaune helped kill Penny, did he ever even have a real conversation with her? We'll never know! Has Blake even talked to Jaune before? No idea! Did Yang even care that Pyrrha died? Probably, but we viewers literally never see the two interact prior to Pyrrha's untimely demise.

This type of writing (whether intentionally or unintentionally done) promotes shipping culture. Characters interact primarily with their love interests (who may or may not also be their team partners). This is why RWBY's fandom is so focused on shipping. Hell, even Blake's VA tweeted at Clover's VA with a joke regarding this.

Clover's VA: Has anybody heard of this thing, “shipping?”

Blake's VA: Welcome to RWBY.

[Photo for anyone who needs proof, in case these Tweets are deleted in the future.]

Blake's VA even once had to make a post saying, "Y’all, you know I love my Bees, but not everything is Bee related. Some is just RWBY hype in general. Calm yo’self.". The fact she even had to clarify that not everything she posts about RWBY is related to a ship is astounding. Imagine having to tell your audience that not everything you post is related to a fictional pairing. 

The RWBY cast even had an segment on The Ship-It Show where, you guessed it, they talked about their favorite and least favorite ships. Their tagline even was that "Shipping is a creative expression, so don't limit your creativity!", which went over with the fandom about as well as one would expect. 

Finally, Miles Luna recently posted a Cameo video where he stated, "Just remember: shipping is fun and pretend, and it’s just supposed to be a good time. Don’t be one of those people that attack other shippers and get real mean and toxic. We’re all just here having fun with wonderful make believe characters and make believe worlds, and I think that is a beautiful activity, as long as you’re doing it responsibly and kindly." 

So as you can see, shipping is a big part of the RWBY community. I'd venture to say that shipping is the most important part of the RWBY community. And that's fine! Shipping in itself isn't a bad thing. It's only when it gets completely out of hand where it becomes a problem. And I feel it is becoming a problem in the RWBY community. Rooster Teeth, if you need your show-writers to remind the fandom that shipping is supposed to be fun, you have a problem. 

Well, how does Genshin Impact avoid that problem? The fandom itself is large and the game is quite popular, so how does it handle not becoming a complete shitfest shipfest? 

For starters, Mihoyo doesn't confirm any ships at all. This is for profit reasons, the game is a gacha game designed for players to spend money on their "waifus" and "husbandos". Characters have outfit customization for this exact purpose. Mihoyo benefits from keeping characters canonically single. This is why, while people think soon-to-be-released characters like Ayaka and Tohma are dating, many people also believe these same characters to be single. 

Second off, VAs are unable to give their opinions on certain ships and on lore. For example, the VA for Lumine, the main female protagonist, confirmed that Lumine was 15, before apologizing and deleting her comments. The VA for Childe signed some Childe x Lumine artwork to sell, but blatantly stated that he only really shipped Childe with Childe. The VAs avoid discussing unconfirmed ships/lore and, in this way, Mihoyo avoids controversy. 

Finally, Genshin Impact only recently came out. This means that the theorizing part of the fandom is still alive and well. There's plenty to theorize about since there's so much us players don't know about the story. Lore tidbits are celebrated by lore junkies, folks who want to theorize on the characters' backstories or on the protagonist's journey to find their twin sibling are more than welcome to do so. 

So while the Genshin Impact community engages in tons of shipping, none of the ships are more canon than any other. A Zhongli x Childe shipper might argue that their ship is canon because Zhongli gifted Childe some chopsticks, but a Zhongli x Ningguang shipper could easily argue back that Ninguang is a reincarnation of Zhongli's former friend/partner Guizhong. And of course, a non-shipper could look at both of these arguments and believe them both to be false.

I think this allows shipping to remain a fun and lighthearted activity in the Genshin Impact fandom. You can ship what you'd like, or you can just enjoy the plot and lore like a normal gamer. 

So where am I going with this? Well, my thoughts are that no matter what the fandom, there will always be shipping. There's always gonna be some degenerates (like myself) who see two cute characters and want them to get together. However, it's up to the creators themselves to decide where to go with ships or to even entertain them at all. Mihoyo, in my opinion, handles the Genshin Impact fandom's shipping craze much more successfully than Rooster Teeth handles the RWBY fandom. 

So what are your thoughts? If you're in both fandoms, which fandom do you prefer and why? Let me know!

[going-fancognito]

Hello! If it's not a problem can i request Sidon with as/o from another world? (our universe and they ended up there for some reason) and how would he react? Bonus if they have their phone with them and they show him their favourite shows/animes like jojo's bizzare adventure or good omens👉🏻👈🏻

I feel you @dexpairs-blog. If I’m going to land in another world, I’d wanna land on a hot shark gentleman too (The abs just sweeten the deal ngl ;D) I may have gotten carried away with this, so I'm gonna do the anime/tv show reference part in a separate ask. Hope that’s ok.

You don’t have to worry about receiving suspicion

Sidon’s a trusting kind of guy. Sometimes almost to a fault

(Hey, at least it works out in your favour)

Plus, your ‘eye-pod’ helps back-up your story

Shark man is VERY excited

“With an ability to cross worlds, you must be considered very powerful amongst your people” Your hands are completely engulfed in his claws. “Perhaps with the help of a Hylian like yourself, we can finally calm Vah Rhuta.”

Hold on, What?

Anthropomorphic fish man aside, there was a lot to unpack from that last sentence alone.

(Wait, this count as meeting a hot merman?)

(No, focus Y/N. Address the problem at hand) 

Ok first off, see the tiny ears? That would be a no-go on the Hylian part

Second, You’re just an average everyday person. You honestly had no clue over how you got here

And finally, what the heck was a Vah Rhuta? That sounded like something you drank before waking up to a bad hangover

Sidon leads you through the rain to where the Divine Beast was. Drenched from head to toe, you find yourself facing.....Oh.

OH.

Yeah, not happening. Nope. Nu-uh. Not a chance.

Sorry, but you could barely doggy paddle

There was no way in hell you’d be able to take on a giant magical elephant 

Especially one that sneezed out endless watery jets of doom

Sidon’s a bit disappointed, but he understands. It’s a lot to ask from a stranger

However, he stills offers you a place to stay for the time being in Zoras domain. That way you could slowly adjust to your new surroundings

He even takes it upon himself to teach you how things work in Hyrule

At first, your appearance was met with some hostility among the Zora elders

However, one day they get confused when you tie your hair up, putting your human ears on full display

One explanation about your origins later, and the elders suddenly become much more friendly towards you

You receive tons of questions about your home: Did you guys have magic there? How many kingdoms ruled the land? (Politics was a pain in the ass to explain) What did you use as a power source, etc.,

You now wish you paid more attention back in high school

Luckily, your phone somehow managed to receive wi-fi from here

(You have no clue how TF that made sense, but you weren’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth)

There were some minor hiccups, you were able to explain a majority of how your world worked

Google was a godsend

 Unfortunately, it didn’t provide any helpful results when you searched up “How to fight a Divine Beast Elephant”

All you could find were images of something called an ‘Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant’

(...You’re pretty sure that wasn’t the same thing as a Divine Beast)

During your spare time, you helped entertain the Zora children while their parents worked. You did your best to remember the games you played as a kid. When you grew tired, you’d recall some of your favourite childhood stories (You decided to steer clear of the little mermaid though).

Sidon especially loved to join in on your storytelling sessions

It reminded him of when Mipha would recount her travels to him as a child

(Let’s please take a moment to absorb the feels)

(R.i.p. the lost laifu of best waifu,)

You also enjoyed your time with the Zora Prince

Sidon was Royalty, but he would never act like he was better then everyone else.  He always treated those around him with kindness

And true to his word, he took some time everyday to teach you about the different areas of Hyrule

As time went on, his lessons would drift off into idle chatter. Eventually there was nothing left to teach you

Even so, the two of you continued your daily meet-ups. It became a routine for you two. 

You found yourself looking forward to your daily time with the prince

Sometimes you’d both recount any recent events, other days you’d  discuss the most ridiculous things, just for the fun of it

”While it is tempting Y/N, I will not change the Zora anthem to ‘Baby Shark’.”  

“But you’ve got the authority to make it happen. Come on Sidon, do it for the kids. They’d love it.”

“The elders would have a fit! I’m afraid the world just isn’t ready my dear.”

(You loved it when he called you that)

Compared to you Sidon seemed to lead a much more interesting life

Yet he never failed to show excitement when you were nearby, even if you’d already met earlier the same day

He always showed enthusiasm over learning your opinion on things. His interest was never feigned, he genuinely loved to listen about what you had to say

It made you feel...special

Eventually, he asks permission to court you. “Although,” He rubs a hand  behind his neck.”I never did ask if your world shares this custom. Hopefully this isn’t out of line?“ 

(Omg I live for an adorable lovestruck Sidon)

His worries settle down a bit when you take his claw in your hand “Well back home, we call it ‘dating’ nowadays. But yes, I would love to go out with you. Or whatever the term for it is around here.”

That’s what you said anyway. Inside, your first thought was “Holy shit, if only the Ao3 readers could see me now. OMG I’m living the Tumblr dream”

Unaware of your internal nerd ranting, Sidon gives you one of his signature grins and spins you around in a bear (shark?) hug

He is a very happy fish boi

He’s already planning to teach you how to swim for you fist date

(Can’t date a Zora without learning some basic swimming after all)

[missmeltycat]

PLEASE give us some personal GB headcanons - about your oc too

Oooh, this might be fun! Though, I’ll base them on a more modern era, rather than in the past just for fun.

Ray Stantz

Probably a weeb. Lat’s face it, he likes comics. I can only assume he would love anime too.

Is actually really good at illustration. It probably comes from engineering sketches and the like.

Has a waifu pillow. One he illustrated himself. Is perfectly fine with people knowing too, he feels no shame in it. Probably even offers to make some for the other guys. Has to convince Egon by saying it’s great for spinal alignment when sleeping.

PLUSHIES! EVERYWHERE!

Attends cons.  Has a secret collection of cosplay photos from them posing next to celebrities.

Probably binge watches shows due to his love of TV. Particularly enjoys period dramas when people aren’t looking. Cries. Eats ice cream under a duvet as he binges the episodes.

Way too sweet when it comes to love. Way too considerate to the point nothing probably happens, because he’s always asking if the other person is OK.

Collects Transformers and other old vintage toys. Likes to fix them up.

Dad bod, but with firm muscle structure. Can lift pretty heavy stuff.

Loves to cook. Isn’t the best cook.

Peter Venkman

Absolutely wants to steal Ray’s waifu pillow. Probably does. Ray ends up offering to make some for him. He ends up with several that stay in his bed around him. Every night he sings Mambo Number 5 to himself.

Serial womaniser to the point he probably has a lot of love children floating around and doesn’t even know it.

Collects nude pictures and tapes pics of the faces of women he likes to the bodies. He calls them his ‘secret love pictures’ if ever found out.

Actually has a genuine soft spot for Janine, but she intimidates him a bit, so never acts on it despite flirting occasionally.

Likes limelight, but hates the responsibility, so often gets overwhelmed.

The idea of marriage actually scares him.

With regards to love, he’s a free spirit. He’s confident and can back up his words, which can be infuriating at times, as the other individual would probably hate ever telling him so for fear of boosting his already massive ego.

Secretly likes soaps. Will punch you in the eye if you ever told anyone.

Athletic build, but not ridiculously so.

Probably plays Pokemon Go.

Egon Spengler

Struggles with social cues and relies on his team members to help him out with them.

Is not so much a-sexual, but more overly focused to the point that it takes over every single other thing in his life.

May be prone to flights of sudden heroism or whims based on adrenaline rushes. This may include amorous actions. He will regret it afterwards and feel extremely guilty.

Ray’s offer of a waifu pillow would scare him, but may be eventually convinced.

Absolutely loves culture. Art, theatre, museums. 

While not vain, he spends a long time on his hair. Sometimes more than Peter.

Reasonably built.

Wears a shower cap in the shower.

Usually dislikes junk food and will remind people of the dangers of consuming too much, but has a soft spot for ice-cream and hot dogs, despite knowing what goes into them.

Will babble when nervous.

Loves his family, but boy do they stress him out. Emotional and social awkwardness probably resulted from the treatment of his parents.

Winston Zeddemore

Probably ends up as a little league coach. Let’s face it, he’d be perfect.

Effortless ladies man. Treats them like respect. This earns some ire from Peter.

Collects baseball memorabilia. Even has signed hot dog boxes and soda cups.

Will try to go to every game he can, when not working.

Enjoys music. Though, his tastes are very different to everyone else's. Probably a secret metal fan.

Athletic build, but actually so. Not like Peter who is slightly squidgy by comparison. 

Enjoys comedies. Sometimes dirty comedy which he will laugh loudly over. Egon doesn’t really like that all too much.

Can drive like a beast! 

Collects murder mystery books and binges murder mystery shows on TV. Probably loves Unsolved Mysteries.

Secret online gamer. Particularly shooters and horror games.

Secretly an absolute softie when it comes to love. He wants to settle down.

Janine Melnitz

Has zero tolerance for sexism. She’s seen and heard it all and she sure as heck won’t allow it on her watch.

Wishes there was more oestrogen in the team.

Has great stamina, despite not looking as if she does. Can outrun a few of the main team and can lift some heavy stuff.

Has probably held some pretty rubbish jobs in the past. This one is a breeze in comparison.

Is actually a good cook. When she can be bothered. Her fridge in her apartment is probably full of take out boxes.

Loves going out on the town, especially if she gets to drag Egon with her. She sees them as a date, but he never does. She doesn’t care about that, she just enjoys her time with him.

Probably enjoys glam rock.

Has a jealous streak that she tries to keep in check. sometimes struggles to.

Feels a little left out when they guys go on assignments. But she doesn’t really gel well with the work they do. She wishes there was a nice middle ground she could help with.

Actually finds Ray’s waifu pillows quite cute.

Wishes people would at least STACK THE DISHWASHER PROPERLY!

Actually likes Slimer and hates how Peter treats him. Even if he can be a pain in the rear.

Rae Taylor (OC, as requested)

Her name gets amusingly confusing for the team. It makes for entertainment. They’ve taken to calling her Rae-Rae so they can distinguish between the two.

Works out a lot. Can be seen lifting weights on occasion. Buff, well formed muscle structure in her arms, back and legs. Can lift heavy objects. Sometimes lifts Peter and scares the patootie out of him. 

Absolutely not scientifically minded and worries she’s not cut out to be part of the team because of it. She’s just the muscle, as it were. Point at it and she’ll shoot it.

Not gifted at maths at all.

OK at cooking. Sometimes likes to help Ray out and fixes some of his mistakes while he’s not looking and giving him all the credit when people enjoy it.

Gets on OK with Peter, but she hates his flirting and will retort by means of lifting him by his collar, shoving him away onto his butt, or just leaving the room when he starts.

Will defend her team fiercely though.

Enjoys Slimer’s antics. Especially when it’s aimed at Peter. 

Once tried to create an ant farm in a plastic inflatable air bed to see if it would work. It didn’t. She still feels guilty about it.

Has to sleep in a silk hair cap or else her hair goes unimaginably frizzy. Peter tries to steal it on occasion for his hair earning him a sliming.

Child at heart. Enjoys playing around.

Loves ghosts and respects no matter how bad they can get, to the point of asking if it’s really necessary to bust them. Sometimes it can hinder the job. But her intent is genuine.

[pinkysfaultorbrainsfault]

animaniacs - s1e44: the world can wait

episode summary: brain puts off his plan of taking over the world so he can try to pick up a girl mouse he met and instantly fell in love with for some reason.

there’s no plan in this episode, but it’s funny, so it goes here anyway.

the rundown:

we open with pinky bothering brain about how they’re going to take over the world tonight. his initial plan is to “trap them in super sticky chewing gum”, which i’m not entirely convinced by, but as we learn later pinky kind of has a knack for this sort of thing, so i’m willing to go with it if they are.

but no! apparently not. pinky’s next suggestion is “how about we wrestle the president?” before suplexing himself. shame this episode was made in the 90s, huh. keep that energy for the 2020 reboot please, pinky.

zort.

yet another refusal has pinky worried. as he questions “but gee, brain, we are going to take over the world, aren’t we?” brain replies with the unthinkable.

“not tonight, pinky. the world can wait.”

“egad, brain. are you feeling alright?”

turns out that brain is putting off his plans for world conquest for more noble, heterosexual persuits - namely, a girl mouse who lives in a cage on the opposite shelf. pinky finds the prospect of brain being into anyone completely fucking hilarious, apparently, and makes fun of him in the background as brain witters on about his new waifu.

“she is of simple folk, fair and true.” “you mean she’s stupid?” “a bit.” mean. pinky keeps negging brain about it until he gets bonked on the head for his troubles, and then brain puts on a fancy jacket and drags pinky off to be his wingman.

isn’t he cute?

but anyway, here comes billie. apparently she lives in this sparse, empty cage by herself, which you’re really not supposed to do with female mice. they need companions otherwise they get lonely and actually you’re not supposed to keep male mice together either.....

.............................................................................................

everyone in this show is trans.

ok that was half a joke. undeterred, brain goes off to harass his Fair Damsel.

“i, my lady, am the brain,” he says, introducing himself without his fedora, for a change. “we met together in the maze.”

“oh yeah. i remember you. egghead.” what the fuck is her accent?? new york?? i’m genuinely lost. this is not a voice normal people have.

pinky thinks this is hilarious, and agrees enthustically that brain is, in fact, Egg Head, so brain bonks him over the head with a baseball bat he found somewhere. undeterred, he moves onto presenting billie with a “precious, simple gift.”

“it’s an actual working mockup of the betatron particle accelerator.”

that’s... cute, brain. not entirely sure what she’s going to do with a particle accelerator in her otherwise totally empty cage, but he’s trying! and that’s what matters.

“it kinda looks like a--”

“BIG METAL DONUT.”

HAHAHEHEHAHAHA.

“yeah, like a big metal donut. say, egghead? who’s your friend? he’s funny.”

oh dear.

oh dear. this date has been going for like two minutes and already, brain is getting cucked. still, he introduces pinky, out of politeness.

and then he decides “fuck that” and puts him in the particle accelerator and spins him away.

which is just kind of mean, honestly.

“aw, i like him.” “pinky? but he’s barely verbal.”

“well pardon me, mr egghead, but i happen to like that. goodnight.”

ouch. brain tries to change her mind, and has all of two seconds to do that before pinky bonks him off the shelf.

if you love me let me go, etc.

cut to back in the cage, where pinky is bandaging brain’s head. he must have bonked it on his fall, which is very sad. pinky seems otherwise unharmed, and is bullying brain over how the previous three minutes or so of the short went. “i think she likes you!” he chortles, amidst brain’s protests. haha, narf.

“no, pinky, the fact of the matter is, she likes you.” “but brain, i’ve already got a girlfriend.”

“pinky. you are a mouse. that is a horse.”

still, unconventional taste in partners aside (and how cute it is that he has a little picture of fignewton by their bed!) brain eventually figures out that in order to win billie’s heart, he should ask pinky what he would say to woo her. this obviously goes about as well as one would expect.

ok i wasn’t going to talk about this but when he gets there billie is like “who’s there? pinky? is that you pinky?” and brain makes this face.

“no.”

which i thought was very funny.

billie is less enthused by this particular mouse, until he starts saying some completely nonsensical shit, to which she is instantly on board.

“please, call me eggy. n. narf.”

“now, tell her-- poit-- i like your toenails.”

thanks! i got them from the president.

brain goes above and beyond, also mentioning that her head looks like a “really clean carrot”-- yknow what, i really don’t think these were serious suggestions from pinky. i think he was just being a dick. but it works! billie is swayed.

“i guess i got you pegged all wrong. why don’t you come up here? i like you.”

hee hee.

conclusion:

alas, unfortunately, brain never gets the opportunity to get pegged correctly, this time. hoo hoo. at that exact moment a bunch of scientists show up. despite complaining that they’re “going to be late for bowling”, homeboy needs to electrocute a mouse right now, immediately, so he goes ahead and does that.

the boys do their best! unfortunately, they don’t quite get there in time to stop this from happening.

(at this point brain gives off the most unconvincing “oh no, we’re too late” that i have perhaps ever heard, but i don’t blame maurice for that, because i understand it must be hard to make drunk orson welles sound sympathetic. hrrraaarrrgh. french excellence.)

still, he does seem genuinely concerned. “billie, are you alright?”

“eggy?” she asks, on the verge of death. “is that you, eggy?” brain confirms that he is, in fact, Eggy, and she goes in for a hug.

“oh, eggy. i thought the electro-polarity had altered the reticular formation in my medulla oblongata.”

oh no.

“egad, brain,” says pinky, who is bad at helping. “she’s probably even smarter than you.”

oh no indeed.

so.... yeah. turns out she is. she even makes a habit of correcting brain’s formula. as brain has a small breakdown over the fact that he’s been obsessing over that for the past five months... um. actually, that’s like... ~17 years to a mouse, give or take. how old are these guys??? what did acme do to them?

brain makes this face.

and then leaves.

“but brain! oh, so you don’t love her any more just because she’s smarter than you?” you can’t really see it in this screencap, but pinky does look genuinely concerned. good on him for calling out this fuckboy behaviour! absolutely appalling. you’re definitely not getting pegged with that attitude, brain. work on yourself.

“oh, i do love her, pinky. i do. but i must quickly go develop a plan so that we can take over the world.”

“why.”

“because if i don’t, she may beat us to it.”

so, theoretically, the tally stays the same. nothing happened in this episode. there was no plan. it was just brain being straight for seven minutes or so.

brain: 3 pinky: 3 outside influence: 5

but billie also gets a fair few points for not pegging brain while she had the chance, so there’s that.

billie: however many points that is

this has been another

useless review.

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Dobson’s favorite cartoon reviewed: The adventures of spandex girl in New York aka the Miraculous Ladybug movie

So THIS is not going to be about a Dobson comic, but rather with the lack of Dobson posting shit out here, I thought I give my opinion about something Dobson would have likely sperged out within the last few months. What could it be I want to talk about? The riots? The death of RBG? Cuties?

Are you insane? My brain may function better than Dobson’s, but even so I am not touching those subjects with a tong, seeing how I myself am lacking detailed knowledge on such subjects. No. I am talking about the cartoon that makes Dobson’s little brain (and dick) all tingly: Miraculous Ladybug.

For starters, let me just say that despite being an animation fan myself, I am not really into this show at all. For a magical girl show that goes on for over three seasons at this point, I just feel like nothing happens in it. Sure, A LOT of tokusatsu and magical girl shows run on repetitive monster of the week formulas, but overall they will still have some progression to themselves. Growing up with Sailor Moon, I always loved the first season and how it actually made me feel like things are increasingly at stake as the story progressed. Especially in the final episodes when the Senshis actually died protecting Sailor Moon and it was only thanks to a Deus ex machina everyone was reincarnated again. As melodramatic as Sailor Moon could be, at least each story arc had a beginning and ending that did not overstay its welcome. Ladybug meanwhile can be summed up as followed:

 Teenage girl is thirsty for obvious blond boy whose dad wants to get magic jewelry to necromance his comatose wife. Teenage girl gets magic jewelry and turns into heroine in ladybug mustered spandex suit that makes rule34 artists all tingly. Same goes for boy she has the hots for, only he becomes gimp catsuit shota bait. Bad guy transforms random citizens who feel down for some reason (often times connected to a blond whose family name Dobson can’t write) into action figure like super villains. Ladybug and Cat Noir defeat them, the damage is reseted, Ladybug and Cat Noir never figure out who the other one is despite things being so obvious Ray Charles could have seen that shit coming. Repeat not just for one, but ALL seasons so far and add as little as possible storywise to increase the roaster of characters, but not progress the plot.

 All that said, I can say that there are worse shows out there and for a show meant to sell toys to girls and be about a female hero, it is not THAT bad. But a) the creator is an asshole (think of functional Dobson) and b) there are still better shows to watch, even within the preteen magical girl genre, than this. Not to forget that this thing may be the indirect successor of Totally Spies and give certain people internet related fetishes within the next few years.

So, why am I believing Dobson would talk about the show at least for today more than he already tends to do on average? Because Ladybug actually got now a movie.

Well, it is called a movie, but in reality it is more of a 3 parter to start the fourth season if you really look into it. The thing is called Miraculous World: New York – United HeroeZ. It clocks in around 65 minutes and focuses on Marinette and Adrien in New York, teaming up with new heroes that are so unsubtlety promoted in this movie, I expect them to get their own spin off series by the end of next year so the showmakers can milk the cow even drier.

Let me try to elaborate in what is going to be a less than just a bit snarky summary with a few critical points and jokes at Dobson’s expense thrown in here. In other words, the typical biased youtube reaction channel/movie review.  Spoiler warnings are obvious and I promise than unlike certain pedos on youtube I am not going to focus on the assets of underaged French girls. I do warn however for increased levels of making a fool of myself by writing a multi page “mock summary” of this thing.

So because the movie is based on a children show, it has a very basic set up; Adrien and Marinette’s class is invited to spend one week in New York, because of a pointless international collaboration thing referred to as French-American Friendship week. The sheer existence of this showing that a) we needed any reason to get them there and b) this special was worked on LONG before COVID19 hit us all. And yes, I know animation takes its time to be done, I just think it is funny how in today’s international political climate and health situation this thing has become outdated already, when it is hitting the tv just now.

 At the same time, Adrien’s dad suspects that an artifact currently shown at a museum in New York may be a missing Miraculous that was owned by the Marquis de La Fayette and gifted to George Washington during the American Revolution. And yes, we are going there and you can guess what Hawkmoth’s goal this time is, while at the same time history gets fucked up the butt.

 But before we can get to any action in New York, we have to deal with the one thing Ladybug is known for best: Cringy shipping bait.

 Look, I know that shipping is a part of magical girl shows in general, but the shit going on in this cartoon is not only drawn out tediously even for children tv standards, I find it makes some characters outright dumb and unlikable. We get it Marinette, Adrien makes you tingle. But can you stop cringing your way through life around him in a manner that would make Tomoko Kuroki say that you are freaking pathetic?

I don’t want anybody else. when I think about Adrien I...

 Just three minutes into this movie she essentially melts away at a poster of Adrien and throughout the first 15 minutes she just simps away in the big blue yonder. For example by asking Adrien’s dad to allow his son to travel with the others to New York, obviously stumbling upon her words when she needs to remind herself that she can only see Adrien now as a friend and not love interest (because this is supposedly set after season 3, when she decided to go for the second price in form of the guy who plays guitar), insisting that she is only “friends” to the point even her best friend Alya gets fed up. Or when Marinette gets more than just “a bit” nervous at the chance of sitting on her flight to New York next to Adrien, resulting in her fucking that chance up so badly, I felt an headache approaching. 

Not gonna lie, I had to pause a few times because it got so cringy for me, I wondered why Dobson makes primarily jokes on Adrien’s expense when Marinette herself is female thirst personified. Even the movie seems to point out how the two are so obvious to each other, when Alya has the following to say about them: I can’t decide if they are the most cutest people I know, or the most embarrassing.

Thankfully it is at 18 minutes into it, we FINALLY get something of a conflict. While still on the plane (And Adrien and Marinette watching a sunset through a window) a villain shows up, trying to steal the jet engine midflight.

 Just roll with it

 Thankfully, before the plane can go down thanks to a Gremlin on the wing- I mean TECHNO PIRATE, the real stars of the movie show up.

 Wait, you thought this thing was going to be about Ladybug and Cat Noir being the primary heroes? WRONG!

 Okay, to put the summary on hold and explain what I mean: This “movie” introduces us to “United HeroeZ”, a group of American superheroes. Yeah, turns out Miraculous is essentially set in your average “Superheroes are everywhere, but primarily US dominated territory” world and this story is meant to introduce us to them and have Ladybug and Cat Noir team up in order to save the day. And while I don’t necessarily HATE the characters, I have to admit that I can’t help myself but snark quite a bit about them. Not only are they for the most part just expies of well known superheroes, the way how prominent two of them in particular are featured in this movie makes it very, VERY obvious that (As I stated earlier) this thing aims just to create a tie-in show for the creators to make more money of the property. Not just that, but their presence in a way reduces Adrien and Marinette’s importance as characters, even though the new ones at best would count as supportive characters overall. Which again makes me wonder, what does it say about Ladybug and Cat Noir’s “impact” in their own franchise when I actually find myself more interested in the side characters made to promote new toys, than the actual leads?

 Anyway, United HeroeZ defeats Techno Pirate and in doing so we are introduced to the main members of the group which are relevant for this movie:

So please, give an applause for…. MAJESTIA (aka actually decent Powergirl redesign/Non Superman)

 SPARROW (Aka yet another Robin that may get hit by a crowbar)

UNCANNEY VALLEY (aka The Shipper on Deck/Cleopatra in Tin Foil/Vision as your Waifu/the dumbest name you could have chosen for a character!)

NIGHT OWL (aka Alan Moore is going to be pissed!/Oh look, it’s Batman!)

You get where I am coming from when I call them expies, right?

 Anyway, with the plane safe the class finally gets to New York. Both Sparrow and Uncanney Valley get tasked to go undercover with the students and assure they are save during the trip, because plot reasons and New York is supposedly enough of a safe place that their services aren’t needed to fight bigger threats currently. Which confirms at the very least that a) this is not the Marvel Universe cause at this point the town may be ground zero yet again and b) a way more enjoyable version of the Big Apple than the real deal.

By the way, these are Uncanney (left) and Sparrow’s (right) civilian identities :

I can now imagine Dobson wanting to proclaim how problematic the character is for being a native American who looks the way she does. But believe me. It gets kinda worse in all the right ways.

 Also, we are 28 minutes into the movie and we are introduced to the dumbest thing in the movie yet. The arch enemy of the Condiment King; Hot Dog Dan.

A superhero hot dog vendor seller with a flying hot dog truck, whose hot dogs give you temporarily some random superpowers when you eat them. And it seems he uses hot dog tongs as weapons.

I don’t know what the people making this show take, but I am torn between wanting some of that myself and putting them into rehab.

 I really bring the character just up because he is as a concept in itself so ridiculous that part of me thinks he is a fever dream of Dobson. Otherwise he has no real bearing on what is going to happen on the rest of the movie. He is just relevant for a three minute long scene of a house roof party during which Adrien and Marinette dance for a bit.

 Speaking of relevance, the next day the class finally gets to do something on the trip that leads into conflict for our heroes to face. During a visit of the museum where the La Fayette related Miraculous is hold, Uncanny and Sparrow decide to play shipper on deck by forcing Marinette and Adrien in a room and attempting to set a really stupid plot into motion (and no, I don’t mean they enforce a reenactment of Steven Universe or something). At the same time the villains finally do something, when Hawkmoth (now in New York) turns Techno Pirate into his latest minion and have him attack the museum to steal a saber by La Fayette as distraction, while he takes the charm he is out for. Long story short: Our heroes FINALLY transform and have to fight with Uncanney and Sparrow against Techno Pirate on the roofs of Manhattan.

 And while I don’t think it is all that great of a fight, it still means something aside of Marinette cringing her way through the plot is happening and the heroes are actually in decent peril. Plus during the fight the movie gives me one of the funniest moments possible. You want to know what it is?

 Well, while fighting the bad guy, Cat Noir and Ladybug obviously trigger their miraculouses. And what does Ladybugs miraculous turn into this time, to help her develop a strategy to defeat the villain and save the day?

A bikepump.

 ... yeah, I am going to give all of you now 5 minutes to laugh it off. Believe me, I needed them too.

Sure, it is a cartoon and I doubt anyone working on the show is even aware of our favorite uncare bear, but come on. At this point the universe itself is either mocking Dobson or tries to set up the perfect opportunity for an obvious joke from my side.

Not helped by the fact that once the bike pump shows up, the dialogue between characters that follows is, and I quote:

Cat: A bicycle pump? What are you going to do with that?

Ladybug: I may have an idea, but you wouldn’t like it

 Anyway, believe it or not, the fight actually ends with a surprising shock moment. Cat Noir, while having his cataclysm powers active (you know, the powers that make him decompose anything he touches), being thrown by Techno Pirate at Ladybug, resulting in Uncanney protecting her and being turned into scrap metal. Which in turn causes Techno Pirate to make the acquaintance with Majestia’s fist, as Uncanney is more or less her adopted daughter and I guess she has seen what was going on (but did not interfere because the plot says so) until now, pummeling him so hard he flies through a few buildings and causes at least three 9/11 to happen on this day in New York.

So, yeah. Uncanney is dead. The heroes experiencing their darkest hour in the movie.

… welp, can’t have that for long, so less than 2 minutes later Ladybug uses the Magical bikepump…

5 minutes of laughter later

Got it out of the system? Good. As I was saying; She uses the fetish toy to reset all the damage done by the akumatized villain and in doing so fixes Uncanney too.

Welp, that was a waste of tension. Guess someone watched the entire Lars dying thing from Steven Universe.

So, damage undone, but Majestia and Night Owl pretty pissed at what happened, want Ladybug and Cat Noir to give up their miraculouses (I assume that is the correct plural) until they leave New York. You would expect this to result in some dramatic chase scene or confrontation with the older heroes, but because this movie has just like 22 minutes left and we need to close act two now, our heroes instead flee and end up in the sewers of New York.

There they do NOT team up with a group of mutated reptiles, but have a heart to heart talk (I never thought I would agree with Dobson on something, but I have to agree on this: The show is kinda fixated on having important stuff happening in sewer channels) that is sort of an argument Cat Noir and Ladybug also had during the fight. You see, because those two idiots haven’t  figured out their respective civilian identities yet (something even Sailor Moon would have figured out AFTER THREE SEASONS!) Marinette assumed that Cat Noir would be in Paris while she is in New York to keep the city save. And Adrien/Noir was okay with making the promise of keeping the city initially save, because his dad only allowed him on the trip the day after he made the promise. So when the two transform out of sight of the other in New York and meet, instead of asking some logical questions (like “where is Marinette/Adrien and why is Cat/Ladybug here?”) they kinda argue wtf Cat is doing here while Paris may be in danger.

Long story short, she is angry at him, he feels guilty for having disappointed her and the thing with turning Uncanney into scrap, Paris was attacked by Hawkmoth’s secretary unleashing temporarily some monster clone because Hawkmoth thought that distracts the heroes in Paris (and really just results in damage that makes a city that experienced the destruction of Notre Dame the year prior just feel numb) and because this is the turning point in the plot, our hero needs to do something just a bit too melodramatic. Which is that Adrien gives up his powers and runs away.

… so, up to the final part in which things to care about start to happen.

Hawkmoth now has the Miraculous and unleashes its Kwami who is this eagle themed little thing referring to itself as the “Kwami of Freedom”.

 … Yeah, this thing was NOT around for the last 200 years, wasn’t it?

 Anyway, it states that its powers are based on “freeing” people of limitations to achieve their full potential. What does that mean practically? It means that when Techno Pirate holds its powers on top of his regular powers increased by being akumatized, he can unleash some energy attack that removes moral inhibitions when getting hit by it.

… So it basically unleashes the Purge.

 Which is exactly what happens to Majestia and Night Owl, turning one into Man of Steel Superman causing nine additional 9/11s on top of the three prior (how the fuck did this movie manage to turn an American tragedy in a measuring unit?) and the other into All Star Batman.

Oh and it turns the President of the USA into a worse war monger than people accuse Trump of being.

Oh, this is NOT going to sit well with anyone...

… Yeah, sidenote: The president of the USA in this movie is essentially Michelle Obama who ALSO is a superhero with an American flag theme and besties with Majestica and Night Owl, trying to protect the exchange students. Because supposedly NOTHING better needs to be done. Once she gets hit by the “Freedom Feathers” or whatever you want to call the Kwami power, she pulls out the Football and activates turrets all over the USA, ready to blow up anything that moves into smithereens. Including at least 10.000 such turrets on the roofs of New York and a nuclear missile in the bay near the Statue of Liberty.

I’ll take it to the people with the eagle not the dove. If there is one thing that obedience is symptomatic of, it’s W-E-A-P-O-N-R-Y... WEAPONRY, from above!

(BTW, the rocket is animated like shit!)

I get the feeling someone on the production team is not the biggest fan of America.

 Anyway, with the heroes being useless and Marinette and Adrien mopping around for what happened during the battle (and Adrien being tricked by his dad to leave New York and get back on a plane cause this town is not save and Adrien can’t fucking stand up to his emotionally abusive father), Uncanney and Sparrow have to get the ball rolling so the day can be saved. Which means that Sparrow and Ladybug try to fight and distract people for time (off screen mostly), while Uncanney hijacks Adrien’s plane and brings him back to take up the gimp suit of Cat Noir again. Oh yeah, almost forgot, Uncanney, cause she is a robot, has figured out easily who Ladybug and Adrien really are cause scanning. Making our heroes literally dumber than a walking toaster.

 So the four finally together, fight Techno Pirate on the Statue of Liberty a second time (after some hijinx with another corrupted hero whose power is literally to create portals through doors, but he is irrelevant for anything so I skipped him up until now) and defeat him. He loses the Miraculous, Sparrow takes it on and becomes its next official owner, resulting in her costume turning into THIS

 So now we have the native American girl turn into an eagle based superhero with a costume that looks like out of a western based Lego set.

Real talk here: Unlike Dobson I do not believe that everything is political or offensive or some other shit. In fact I hate his comic where he talks about “skin color changes” of the black characters in Ladybug, because he essentially tries to create a race issue and tension where there is none, just because he is a social justice moron. Which gets especially funny when his ideas for a progressive female results in characters like the black rat pirat who kicks you in the face for being hetero or infantilizing the characters of Patty to make them visually more appealing to Max Karson.

That said, in this day and age, doing a character like that… kinda yaiks.

Like, on one hand I think the girl has an enjoyable personality and the design of her hero outfit is okay for a kids cartoon. It’s not like she also talks in some cartoonishly native way or has suddenly a tomahawk as a weapon.

On the other hand, it is kinda stereotypical from multiple ankles and unfortunately there is nothing to the character past this point. Oh sure, Sparrow has now Miraculous powers, but really, all she does now is just use her powers to nullify Techno Pirates influence on the adult heroes before Majestia manages to reenact the bad ending for Majora’s mask and that is it.

Granted,  there is Hawkmoth also almost starting World War 3, but that is really just happening at the site and dealt with almost instantly. To be more specific, because Ladybug and Cat Noir did not hand over their Miraculous, he lets Techno Pirate launch one of the missiles near the Statue of Liberty (worse president than Trump, honestly) but before the thing can hit anything, Majestia sweeps it away and throws it into the sun.

You know, if the show writers want to make Adrien’s dad even remotely “sympathetic” or interesting/intelligent, they increasingly fail. Cause I don’t know about you, but causing World War 3 does not really feel like it will benefit in bringing your comatose wife back.

Bottom line: Nuke has been burned, Techno Pirate gets defeated, all the damage reseted, Sparrow is now the official owner of the latest Miraculous and renames herself Eagle, everyone is happy, there is a big celebration for the class and Hawkmoth is convinced there might be other missing Miraculous all over the globe he wants to get his hands on, meaning season 4 may have more globe trotting Miraculous “action” once it starts.

And also the last scene of the movie shows Eagle and Uncanney meeting some other guardian of the Miraculous box who wants the Eagle charm, but she seemingly convinces him to team up, solidifying that this one hour “movie” was really just a backdoor pilot for a tie in series about an American centered heroine that is so big, a freaking monster truck could pass through this backdoor.

 Yeah, if you can’t tell, I am not a big fan of what I saw.

Look, I will openly admit that my opinion on this is in large parts already tainted by me not being part of the demographic which enjoys the show. So this was never going to be considered “good” in my opinion. That said, I tried to be neutral to it for the sake of fairness. And I kinda failed.

Sorry, but I genuinely do not think this is a good “movie”. First, with barely 65 minutes I don’t really consider it a movie and more of a tv special meant to lead into the next season of the show. Second, I expect of a movie based on a tv show to have slightly higher stakes and presentation value to it than what you would expect from any average episode it has to offer. Which this thing doesn’t. Oh sure, the animation is slightly improved in some scenes, but overall just the same. And frankly, the writing is just still as “bad” as in the original show, if in parts not even worse. Aside of the typical stables, such as the cringy romance that does not move forward but is kinda on the forefront, the main heroes stumbling more or less into the situations instead of being more active in their duties, Hawkmoth not even in a movie having a genuine plan aside of “get this, see how it will help me defeat two kids and fail”, the movie also just never manages to induce a proper escalation of conflict to make it feel like something “special”. For example, we have a shitton of temporarily corrupted heroes. Do Ladybug and Cat Noir ever properly face them off at one point or have meaningful/fun interactions with Sparrow and Uncanney or each other outside of the first three minutes of the movie? Nope! I can name a few movies based on animated shows that gave me enjoyment, even those following basic shonen anime rules. But this one isn’t really among them. And taking into account that I consider at least the Steven Universe movie enjoyable in a dumb way, that says something.

 There is also just the fact that it takes away from Ladybug and Cat Noir too much. Sure, I don’t like the romance stuff with them because I think it plays out in some of the cringiest way possible. But I would have been okay with them or other already established sidecharacters doing other stuff and having to face some conflict that is centered more around them.

Instead the movie finds this bizarre disbalance where it focuses too much and yet too little on completely new characters, that feel shoehorned in to create a starting point for a spin off, making Cat Noir and Ladybug secondary characters in their own movie.

I mean sure, I have seen many shonen anime based movies where there is a set of “movie only” characters interacting with our heroes, but they don’t take too much away from the heroes being heroes. Say what you want about the 13th movie of any long running shonen anime, at least Luffy, Naruto, Son Goku etc. are still the central characters of their respective franchise affiliated flic. Here however we take too much away from Ladybug and Cat, while at the same time focusing also too much on their “struggle” as Marinette and Adrien (or rather just Marinette making a fool out of herself while Adrien is utterly obvious to her behavior) while the major heroics are reserved for the movie characters only, that this entire thing should just be renamed “The Adventures of Mummy Robot and Not Robin, also starring two underaged kids that Dobson is obsessed about!”

 All that said, I will give it a few things.

1) Uncanney and Sparrow/Eagle, despite my jabs, are kinda enjoyable in terms of personality. So are their partners/parents (Majestica and Night Owl are actually the (adoptive?) mothers of their sidekicks and also a couple openly caling themselves love, so yay, L(GBT) representation) and if the show would ever decide to focus also a few episodes on other characters aside of Ladybug and Cat Noir, I wouldn’t mind to see them. I just don’t think they are the most original characters out there and I think I may speak for some fans of the show when I say it sucks, that when it comes to the “action” within this “action adventure show”, they take up the spotlight from the actual main characters.

2) The fight scenes against Techno Pirate were okay overall. Nothing mind blowing animation wise but okay for the standards of this franchise.

3) Eagle’s costume design is not the worst despite my jabs at it being “stereotypical”, at least under consideration of cartoon designs (again, I can think of more offensive shit from the 90s or the Dobbear himself)

4) Well, it wasn’t for me, but I can say it was at least still on the same level of quality as the show. Make out of that comment however whatever you want.

My verdict: Three out of five Dobson’s would approve this movie. The other two would rant about stereotypes and be too busy incest shipping Majestia with Uncanney based on one shot of the movie. And none of them would acknowledge the flaws that make the “movie” a badly disguised jumping point for a spin off that makes the Equestria Girls look subtle.

 Hope you got some enjoyment out of this rant that ironically may have been overall more retarted and detailed than anything Dobson may ever say in regard of this movie.

[littlewalken]

Spider-Man x Deadpool story starter

I start it, you finish it

Contains a hint of lemon

Spider-Man + Deadpool

“PNDB”

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Deadpool had to be smiling underneath his mask. He stood at the podium twiddling his thumbs, waiting. Peter Parker lifted his camera to his face and took a picture. There was still a good couple of minutes to stop this.

Being “the local leader” J3 Communications had been steadily building its footing with it’s independent television empire, and part of that included a local UHF channel which allowed anyone their fifteen minutes of public discourse-as long as it didn’t incite hatred, violence, or break any other FCC laws. 

So today it was the turn of the masked vigilante Deadpool to make his choice of chairs, tables, podiums, and fake plants and take to live air with a 90 delay. He had even left his weapons at security to show how serious he was about things. And he had to be serious because he hadn’t cracked a single joke. Well, he had, but they weren’t the zingers he was known for.

Even if Peter wasn’t the staff photographer required to get a few shots of everyone who appeared he would have been there n one form or another. Spider-Man’s presence might have set Deadpool off. At least he didn’t know who it was under the mask.

When it was time Deadpool took a deep a deep breath, “Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between and not. Fifteen years ago, last Valentine’s Day, that night exactly, I took your mother to pound town. Being the stupid idiots we were, we placed you for adoption in what was hopefully a loving family and not a Dickensian orphanage.

“Every Father’s Day that goes by, every Christmas, every one of your birthdays, I think about you,” Deadpool wiped a tear from his mask. “I think about all the things I’ve missed out on, teaching you to ride a bicycle, teaching you how to lob grenades, and all that macaroni art!

“So, if you’re the fruit of my loins please come to meet me this Saturday at noon on Fog Hill. And remember to spay and neuter your pets and strange relatives!” 

With that Deadpool left the podium. The control room would repeat his message two more times and pad the rest of the time with PSAs. 

“Hey! Shutterbug! I’m ready for my close-up!”

Peter knew better than to look through the view finder as sure enough, Deadpool had bent over and was mooning the camera with his bare ass. 

“Think I should have invited mom to come along too?” Deadpool wondered aloud. “Naw, she’ll probably hear about this any way.”

“Are you really looking for a child you gave up for adoption?” Asked an intern who was still fresh to the world.

“Nope, sorry, too old,” Deadpool dismissed them. 

“That’s front page…” 

“Nope nope nope,” Deadpool teased. “I doubt Babypool would read it anyway. I can see them now, one of those sword carrying Fedora tipping pony pokers, pajama wearing cat hoarding, do you think they’re in a relationship with a waifu pillow or a cardboard cut out? What if they’re normal? OMFG my child could be an accountant!”

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Peter Parker found his mind sent back in time, back to the April Fool’s Day after the Valentine’s Day Deadpool had spoken of. The day he had to make many adult decisions as the result of an adult choice he had made about six weeks previously. He would have to tell other people. 

Ned Leeds approached with a triumphant grin on his face as he held up his prize-a bag from a high priced jewelry store, even though it only had one handle and a mysterious stain. 

“Thanks, buddy,” Peter said as he took the bag and put it in his backpack.

“What do you need it for?” Ned asked in anticipation of being part of a great practical joke.

“Something… Something that I don’t think is that funny any more.” 

Ned could sense something wasn’t right with Peter. “Okay, but if it gets funny again please let me know. Or video it, okay?”

“You’ll know, everyone will know,” Peter said quietly. He could get one at the nurse’s office, she’d give him a pass for gym too. I’ll have to tell Mr Stark I can’t web sling for awhile. I’ll have to tell him. I’ll have to tell Aunt May.

Not wanting to tip anyone off Peter did his best to look green as he headed for the nurse’s office. The kid coming out made a comment asking if Peter had eaten a certain something at lunch too and he nodded. There were a few other queasy looking kids there. 

He had to write his request to the nurse on a note because he couldn’t dare say it aloud. Not that he didn’t already know. He just wanted a second opinion to know the first one was wrong.

It wasn’t wrong. 

And so, only a few months into being 18 and an adult, he had to figure out how to make it right. 

***

There was some stupid musical that had a song about taking away all the trappings of a magical evening and seeing things for what they really were in the daylight, and he was quite sure Joey McIntyre was involved with it. 

Deadpool had positioned himself on the roof of the park bathrooms in what he was sure was a sensual pose. After all the last time he and Spider-Man had been here things had gotten rather passionate. The poor kid had blubbered about his horrible Valentine’s Day, no tuxes left to rent in his size, melted chocolates, abandoned by his date, not wanting to intrude on friends who had gone off with theirs. 

It had taken longer to get through all the discouragement and consent then it took for the somewhat awkward masked sex. Please tell me there was at least one back of the car my parents are out for the evening something before this. 

“Couldn’t stay away, huh?” Deadpool asked when he thought he saw something moving on the roof. He’d already told two raccoons and what he hoped was a pigeon. 

This time it was a person dressed in a Spider-Man costume and holding a gift bag. 

“I got you something.”

“A present! For me!” Deadpool squealed as he hopped to his feet. “Oh, you shouldn’t have! What on earth could it be?”

Spider-Man held out the bag but he didn’t budge. Something was wrong.

“Is it a bomb, please tell me one of my arc enemies has forced you in to delivering a bomb to me or they’ll kill your parents!” 

Even that failed to get a reaction from Spider-Man. 

“Thank you,” Deadpool said as he took the bag. He looked inside, took out the object, turned it a bit to catch the yellow security light. “You Bedazzled it and everything.”

“I thought you’d find that funny,” Spider-Man said quietly.

“I love it,” Deadpool said in a soft tone. 

There was a silence waiting for the other to laugh and break the tension. 

“Do you think unplanned parenthood is still open?” Deadpool finally asked.

“It’s called Planned Parenthood,” Spider-Man said.

“I don’t think so, we definitely didn’t plan this. 

***

“Is it Ned?”

“It’s not Ned.”

“Is it Flash Thompson?”

“It’s no one from school.”

“Is it Tony Stark?”

“No.”

“Is it Dr Banner.”

“It isn’t an Avenger.”

“So it was someone worth laying down with but not worth bringing home and introducing to me.” Aunt May returned to her larb. Of course she’d find the box to the home pregnancy test Peter had taken. He should have thrown it out at school but the positive result had shocked the sense out of him. 

“We kept our masks on,” Peter admitted. “He’s never asked who I am.”

Clunk, May’s fork hit the floor. The waiter brought her a new one. 

“I was going to take a gap year any way,” Peter said, the waiter still being close enough to possibly hear. 

“Are you going to keep it?”

“I don’t know.”

***

Tony Stark was taking the news harder than Aunt May did. He got up from behind his desk and marched to be face to face with Deadpool.

“Hey hey hey, he told me he was 42!” Deadpool joked. 

“Spider-Man,” Tony heavily emphasized the second word. “Can make his own choices. I just want to make sure that you…”

“Have already told my amazing baby mama that I will support him in what ever choices he makes with our prom night dumpster baby because it’s his body!” Deadpool snapped. 

“Halloween,” Spider-Man said. “That’s about when it’s due.”

“My bad math,” Deadpool said. 

Tony Stark still looked mad. 

***

Peter Parker looked at his phone, he was purposefully ignoring all of Tony Stark’s messages. All these years later, even after arranging the adoption, the subject of the Spider-Pool baby still pissed him off. He looked around at everyone who had gathered at Fog Hill in Central Park like Deadpool had asked and quite a few of them looked way to old. 

It was hard to pay attention to everything in general with the crowd, even Peter’s Spider-sense seemed to be going a bit crazy trying to sort its self out. When Deadpool finally arrived the crowd went wild. He climbed up on a rock and scanned the crowd.

Looking for a better line of sight the spider part of Peter’s brain directed him to a near by jungle gym. A couple of people who had been sitting there had gotten off to get closer to Deadpool but one kid remained. They were wearing a grey hoodie with goat ears and well worn sneakers. 

“Hey,” Peter said.

“Hey,” goat hoodie replied. 

His spider sense had never felt this way before. 

***

“It’s always fun and games until someone loses an eye.”

Spider-Man just shook his head. He had climbed up the sky scraper to think and Deadpool had followed.

“Do you think Tony Stark will tell you who it is?”

Spider-Man shook his head. 

“Because if either of our identities are compromised the bad guys could go after our kid and learn the identity of the other and all hell would break loose?”

Spider-Man nodded.

“Do you think our kid was even there?” Deadpool asked.

“Yes.”

[ikemenfics]

Birthday Games

Word Count: 1641

Dedicated to: Any fans of the foxiest warlord ever.  Special shoutout to my fox waifu sisters @tsundere-mitsuhide and @melissenpai.  Happy Birthday, Mitsuhide.

Celebrations were going, beautifully.  Everyone had gathered to celebrate the birthday of Akechi Mitsuhide and so far, even Kenshin was able to keep the peace for event.  You, Masamune, and Hideyoshi had presented Mitsuhide with a large cake, fitting as many candles as possible on the monstrosity.  After all, Mitsuhide was 500 years away from his day of birth.  It took Mitsuhide, Mitsunari, Hideyoshi, and Masamune to blow out all the candles.

“What did you wish for?”  You asked, only to be met with a secret smile.

“According to your tradition, I cannot say,” Mitsuhide’s words were smooth as his lids lowered over those golden eyes, giving him a look that promised a world of pleasurable trouble later.   You flushed, choosing not to answer the call his look was so obviously giving.  You cut up the cake into pieces, passing them out to varying members of the house.  Nobunaga and Shingen’s hands both reached out to take the corner piece and it took everything you had not to smack the hands of Japan’s powerful warlords.

“The frosted piece goes to Mitsuhide,” you chided.  Shingen leaned back, eyeing the other corners yet to be served.  You shook your head at him.  No way were you going to cut around the cake just to give him a corner.  Nobunaga also backed away, but his expression was considerably more smug.  You held out the piece towards Mitsuhide who held up his hand in a gesture of polite rejection. “Please, I couldn’t.  Such a sweet treat would be wasted on my lack of taste buds.”  You blinked in confusion as he continued, “Please, allow my lord to give it the appreciation it so deserves.”  You looked towards the smug unifier, handing him the cake.  He praised Mitsuhide’s gift and proceeded to eat, earning him a dark look from Shingen off to the side.  Sighing, you lopped off another corner piece, forking it over to the Tiger of Kai.  You didn’t really need a war over cake happening in the kitchen.

You caught the eye of Sasuke and he nodded at you, catching what you had just done.  Over the course of this adventure, you and Sasuke developed quite the repertoire with one another and became quite the team in keeping the sengoku men from losing their way in their newfound world.  Yukimura and Ieyasu put down their plates, each having only taken a singular bite of their pieces.  [Oh well, at least they tried it] Your thoughts were interrupted as Yukimura protested Shingen laying claim to Yukimura’s discarded slice.  You found Masamune hovering near Ieyasu, looking to his.  With an audible sigh, Ieyasu handed over the piece, Masamune’s eye gleaming as he accepted, complimenting how well the cake had come out.

With bellies full and the rest of the large cake put into a safe place, you set out to clean up.  You could hear conversation floating into the kitchen from the living room as the guys all set out to decide what games to play.  Options like Chess, another round of Clue, and Go were bandied about and most were voted over.  Sasuke’s idea, you were sure, introducing the idea of a democratic vote to the feudalistic warlords of Japan.  

Eventually, a distinct *thunk* silenced conversation.  You peeked in, finding Kenshin had placed a large bottle of Sake on the table, looking pleased as punch with himself.  Various expressions met the heterochromial warlord ranging from mild interest to confusion as Kenshin commanded the room to silence with a grin that you and Sasuke knew well.  Either Kenshin was planning battle or getting everyone hammered and the bottle definitely indicated the latter.

“I hear,” Kenshin started, his voice quiet but just as present as any battlefield speech, “Mitsuhide is Azuchi’s most famous drinker.”  Kenshin’s face look confident as he challenged, “I challenge a game of tolerance.  Whoever remains to drink to the end gets her.”  His finger found you and your face reddened even as offense arose.

“H-hey!  I’m not a prize!”  [Stop it, stupid heart] You felt all fluttery and had to talk yourself down to remind these men that this wasn’t the Sengoku era and they didn’t have any claim over  you or anyone else.

“I will accept this challenge,” Nobunaga approached, looking at you, “After all, I can’t hand my lucky charm over to just anyone.”

“Count me out,” Masamune responded, “Shame, since any other challenge, I would have the lass in a heartbeat.”  

“A challenge for the hand of the goddess…” Shingen all but purred, approaching like a cat ready to catch a mouse, “I could not bear such a beauty to fall to such ruffians.”

“Drinking?  Please…” Motonari even joined, shocking you to the core.  He usually sat to the side and just watched, pulling the occasional prank, but otherwise keeping to himself, “I could drink the lot of you under the table.  Count me in.”

“This is absurd.  When all of you are sick from drink, no crying to me for remedies,” Ieyasu crossed his arms, turning away from the rest.  You were willing to bet that he’d be making those remedies quietly later in the kitchen.

“Shingen-sama, I can’t let you do this,” Yukimura cried, “You have to take better care of your health!”

“Nonsense, what good is health if I can’t woo the heart of the fair lady,” Shingen answered, Yukimura groaning in response.

“Then I guess I will stay sober so someone takes care of you when you take too much.”  [Poor Yukimura…]

“I will keep vigil so that no one attacks Nobunaga in this lunacy,” Hideyoshi contributed.

“I will pray for all of you,” was Kennyo’s take on the matter.

All eyes rested on the man of the hour.  Mitsuhide smiled like the Cheshire Cat as he reached for the sakazuki.  Thus, the contest of strongest liver commenced.

“Don’t worry,” a soft voice whispered, making you jump.  The glasses of Sasuke framed the protective brown eyes as he continued, “I’ll make sure they won’t claim you.  I’ll keep you safe.”  You were touched that, even now, in your own world, Sasuke was still thinking of your care and well being.  

The first bottle emptied, the participants looking strong in the face of competition.  There were even toasts being made to the man of honor as they popped open a fresh jug of sake.  [So far so good].  You were amazed that it appeared there was no meddling with the drink, no side drama, just the guys sitting and having a good drink...ing contest, anyway.

“I will be stopping here,” Nobunaga announced halfway through the third bottle.  You examined him closely, but he gave nothing away to his level of drunkeness.  You realized, you’d never seen him drunk.  A vague sense of disappointed zinged through you but you shook it off.  Hideyoshi was quick to the side of Nobunaga as the two made to leave the room, “I leave our chatelaine’s future to you, Mitsuhide.  Do not disappoint me.”

“Of course,” came the smoothest answer you ever heard.  Your jaw nearly hit the floor, Mitsuhide didn’t look even a little taken by the alcohol and you began to wonder if Sasuke had secretly replaced the sake with bottles of water.  One look at Sasuke told you that that wasn’t the case.  

Soon bottles of rice wine littered the floor.  Shingen moved to stand, wavering slightly, Yukimura rushing to him.  Kennyo also moved, grunting in dismay as he helped Yukimura remove Shingen from the room.  Shingen turning to give you one last look, his eyes swimming in intoxication, “My goddess, I may have lost my chance this night, but I will bask in your glory anyway,” he winked, “Until tomorrow, my gorgeous angel.”

Motonari’s eyes gleamed as he leaned forward, “Now, it gets real.”  Another round of drinks and yet it seemed the final three were going strong.  You checked the clock, seeing that it had gotten late.  You glanced worriedly at Mitsuhide before bowing and excusing yourself.  You mentioned they should probably sleep as well, but were met with small waves of dismissal as the trio took in more sake.

You woke with a start.  You’d set an alarm to check on Mitsuhide later and you stared at your phone in betrayal as sleep called you.  You realized Mitsuhide hadn’t turned in and you knew you couldn’t possibly snuggle back into slumberland with that knowledge.  You stood, moving towards the living room.

You found him alone, Motonari and Kenshin apparently having retired.  He leaned onto your couch, apparently having had fallen asleep from his position on the floor.  Bottles clinked as they rolled into each other as you crossed the room to take your lover in your arms.  

As you braced to try and shift him, an arm snaked out and around your back, and with a startled cry you were suddenly in the lap of Azuchi’s famous Silver Fox, golden eyes giving you a far too amused (and surprisingly sober) look.  

“Missed me?  I’m touched,” he mumbled, his deep voice dancing over your skin.  You flushed and your mind went blank, making you wonder why you were the one apparently sloshed when he was the one drinking.

Laughter brought your attention back from your musings, Mitsuhide planting a kiss on your forehead.  “It seems we’re all alone and I’ve been imbibing.  Whatever will become of me in such a vulnerable state?”  The way he emphasized “vulnerable” had you trembling in a sudden spark of desire.  

“I don’t know…” you answered, your words coming out breathy as suddenly even taking in air had become difficult.  You shifted, meeting his lips in a heated kiss.  He gave an amused grunt, returning your kiss, leaning you over until you were on your back, him hovering over you.

“I trust you will take very good care of me…”  

Who won the drinking contest?  The world may never know.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Pontoffel Pock, Where Are You?

So here’s a neat little bit of trivia: back in the 80s, my grandmother actually had her own video store. Obviously a little indie video store wasn’t gonna survive competition from something like Blockbuster or all the other options that began popping up around the time, so she ended up closing it, and my parents ended up with a lot of the VHS tapes, which of course I ended up watching. A lot of my favorite films and movies I’m really nostalgic for came from those VHS tapes, such as Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer, InHumanoids: The Movie, and Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend - all great candidates for reviews. Frankly, not sure why I haven’t reviewed InHumanoids already… but I digress. I bring this all up because there is one specific VHS I want to talk about.

But first, let’s talk about Dr. Seuss.

Dr. Seuss, as you may know, is one of the greatest children’s authors of all time. The guy churned out classic after classic, creating timeless works featuring wondrous landscapes, fantastical locales, and colorful characters like the Lorax, the Grinch, and the Cat in the Hat. He’s also known for having extremely crappy films based off of his books, but that wasn’t always the case; back in the day, Seuss worked on animated specials based on his stuff, working with everyone from Chuck Jones to Ralph Bakshi. Dr. Seuss was truly a creative genius whose works have stood the test of time.

[Except this one]

Tonight’s work is one that is actually not based on any sort of preexisting book, and was one of those bizarre VHS tapes I watched over and over as a child. And tonight’s work is one that I’m not going to review in the traditional sense; oh no, this one is getting something special. Pontoffel Pock, Where Are You? is akin to Freddie as F.R.0.7. in my mind as something it is far more fun to just explain than to truly dissect, so instead of a true review, I am going to do a sort of recap of the plot before giving you a verdict on whether this insane special is worth your time.

So, let’s get right into this:

Pontoffel Pock, our titular hero, has a job at a pickle factory, and he has the simplest job you could possibly imagine: he pushes the lever “Pushum” and pulls on the chain “Pullum” and the pickles go into the jar (as the song helpfully informs us. Oh yeah, this is a musical. That’s somewhat important). So with such a simple job, it would be pretty inconceivable to fuck it up, right? Well, that’s because you are most likely not a colossal failure on the level of Pontoffel Pock, who SOMEHOW confuses the Pushum and Pullum and ends up destroying the entire factory, which leads to him getting fired. Did I mention this was his first day and immediately before fucking up he was explained what his job was?

[You had ONE fucking job, Pontoffel Pock]

Dejected and alone, Pock goes home and plays basketball on his roof as an homage to Clerks. Please ignore that this animation came out nearly two decades before Clerks. I would like to take a moment to point out that Pock’s house is exactly as weird and impractical a homestead as any you might see in a Seuss work - and the fact it’s a dilapidated mess because Pock can’t hold down a job only makes it even more odd. In his misery and sorrow, Pock wishes he could get away from it all… and he gets his chance, because the Amalgamated Do-Gooding Fairies come down from the heavens and grant him a magical flying piano that will take him anywhere in the world if he plays the proper notes (C, C, C, D, D#, E, for those wondering).

Gifted with this incredible magical gift, and with the entire world at his disposal, Pontoffel Pock does what any normal human being would do: he shows off and acts like a douchebag. Teleporting to Groogen, a sort of German-Switzerland mashup country, Pock freaks the locals out with his flying piano, and gets shot down by their paint cannon known as the Goomy Gun, because nothing in a Dr. Seuss work can have a normal name. Pock returns home, and naturally McGillicuddy, the head fairy, is pissed as fuck at Pock for being a douchey show-off and nearly wrecking the piano right off the bat.

[Dunno what he expected from the moron who wrecked a pickle factory]

Thankfully, McGillicuddy is a kind and merciful fairy, a bit more Seelie than Unseelie. He gives Pock one more chance, so the question now becomes: How can Pock fuck this up? Well let’s find out as he travels to Casbahmopolis, the Seuss version of the Middle East. Considering what a colossal moron Pock is, it should surprise absolutely no one that he falls in love with the first scantily clad belly dancer woman he sees; that girl is Neefa Feefa, who contrary to the previous sentence is NOT a belly dancer, but rather an… eyeball dancer. No, she doesn’t dance on eyeballs, she’s just dressed in an outfit that covers everything but her eyes. It’s kind of an amusing parody of belly dancers.

[Behold, the greatest waifu of all time]

Lucky for Pock, Neefa Feefa is the only woman in the world as stupid as him, and she immediately falls for him as well. Unfortunately, she’s stuck fucking dancing for the king, a job she hates, and she wishes she could get away from it all. To her credit, she actually has a real, genuine reason to want to get out of her current position, unlike Pontoffel “First World Problems” Pock. Pock seems to realize this, and in one of his exceedingly rare moments of badassery, singlehandedly infiltrates the palace of the king to save this girl he barely knows. Sure, it’s stupid and cliche, but so far Pock has been nothing but be a showboating weenie; here he goes Solid Snaking his way through a palace full of armed guards to save a woman, that takes some pretty big balls.

Of course, this is Pontoffel Pock we’re talking about; he manages to fuck things up somehow. The guards manage to bust the Homing Pigeon Switch of his piano, which would allow him to zap right back to the dump he calls a house, and when he tries to go somewhere else Neefa Feefa slips into the clutches of the guards and the piano goes on the fritz, leading Pock to desperately try any keys he can in an attempt to get back. At this time, the fairies are getting worried, seeing as they haven’t heard from Pock in ages, and so set out on a massive manhunt to find him, singing “Pontoffel Pock, Where the Fuck Heck Are You?” This is the part where our hero finally triumphs. Pock suddenly out of the blue remembers the proper switch and zaps back to save his imprisoned beloved, so of course… he crashes the piano into the tower.

[Pictured: A man who can do literally nothing right]

Neefa Feefa sends out a prayer, and thankfully it is heard by the fairies, who descend from the heavens and save everyone’s ass. Pontoffel Pock’s quest to get some poon seemingly impresses the boss at the pickle factory, because not only is Pock rehired, but Neefa Feefa gets hired there too, and apparently the dress codes are extremely lax there as she gets to wear her eyeball dancer outfit to work. Pock manages to get away scot free despite fucking everything up and manages to get a hot girl and a stable job, so I guess the moral of the story is “Going to great lengths to get pussy will make up for all of your constant fuckups.”

[Huh. I guess The Lorax was right]

So that was Pontoffel Pock, Where Are You? and I think it goes without saying this is one weird, quirky, and unique animated story. It’s not very long and is a bit corny and cliche, and the shortness doesn’t do much favors to the story as it leads to things feeling a bit rushed, but quite frankly it all adds to the silly, Seussy charm. The animation, the designs, and just all the wacky creativity on display here is Seuss at his best, and frankly it’s hard to hate a story of a man who fucks up his pickle factory job and gets a magical flying piano from fairies so that he can score with a belly dancer.

I really wish this was more well-known than it is. God knows this deserves it. It’s just so charmingly weird. If you like weird and silly animated things or the work of Dr. Seuss, this is something to check out, though if you’re a huge fan of the latter you may already know this. I don’t think this is really something that deserves to be held up alongside the greats like The Grinch or The Lorax, but I think it deserves an honorable 3rd place alongside those two; this is an underrated obscure gem if there ever was one.

Now I’m going to sit back and pray that this review becomes popular enough to get people to draw Neefa Feefa porn.

[Real talk: This is the only reason I wrote this review]

[yujachachacha]

And since you that busy I will steal your waifu's from you

3 points: (1) Your grammar got on my nerves more than the actual statement itself. (2) The term “waifu” is creepy, and I personally don’t use it except as a joke. (3) You can’t “steal” away favorite characters.

As for the “busy” portion, feel free to refer to my previous asks on what I think about your accusations of my blog activity. If you really wanted to motivate me to work harder, you could’ve asked nicely instead of giving me all this material to sass you with, y’know.

I actually ended up writing an entire grammar lesson devoted to #1 plus some ramblings about my issues with the term “waifu” in general, but I assume you’re the same anon who sent the previous ask, i.e. I know you hate my long-winded answers. You can find the non-tl;dr version under the cut, if anyone’s interested in learning about a tricky English grammar rule.

…but since I find it important, let me put the essential part of the lecture up here for people to see: STOP CASUALLY USING APOSTROPHES TO DENOTE PLURALS. IT’S WRONG. waifu’s → waifus. 

All right, have your “Keep reading” thing now.

1. It’s “waifus”, not “waifu’s”.

I get that, for some godforsaken reason, people have it in their minds that adding an apostrophe + s to certain words creates the plural for those words. But it’s wrong. Let me say that again for emphasis. IT’S WRONG. You only use this form in very special cases for plurals - mainly, to avoid confusion. Here are some examples:

How many i’s are in Mississippi? I’m still triggered when I see 0’s because of that one LLS episode. There were countless “harasho’s” transmitted in the lobby of the EliRin Score Match. → Used when counting letters/numbers/words, though usually people (including me because I’m lazy) omit it. This is because “How many is are in Mississippi” looks hella confusing, while in most cases people will generally understand what you’re saying (i.e. you’re referring to the phrase “harasho” rather than some unknown word “harashos”).

I have B.A.’s in Politics and Economics. → Used for abbreviations with more than one period. Does not apply to abbreviations without periods, such as TVs. This rule is pretty much ignored too, since like I said before it’s not essential for clearing up any confusion.

You should use apostrophes for possessive cases and contractions, e.g. “I can’t handle this anon’s misuse of the apostrophe.” You could’ve said “I will steal your waifu’s love from you” and that would’ve been perfectly acceptable. TBH I’m actually more upset by your grammar mistake than the statement itself which probably says a lot about me as a person lol.

I know perfect grammar isn’t called for on the internet. Hell, I use “imma” and “gonna” all the time. But even slang follows certain structures - I’ve read papers on the subject and even went through a college lecture on this. The “you that busy” (as opposed to “you’re that busy”) works fine for slang, but the “waifu’s” thing? Nope. A lot of style guides argue over how to use apostrophes in different situations, but nowhere will you find one that allows you to use “waifu’s” as a plural.

So for the love of god, to everyone reading: STOP CASUALLY USING APOSTROPHES TO DENOTE PLURALS. Please. I die a little every time I see it, which is why I’m going through the trouble of pointing this out.

Addendum: If English isn’t your first language, I applaud your progress in the language so far, and hope that you consider this an informative lesson on the subject. If it is, please note that you’ve been upstaged by some punk who spoke Korean better than English until about age 7.

2. I don’t refer to Love Live! characters as “waifus”, so your statement is invalid.

I haven’t used the term for favorite characters since my high school days except to parody something (e.g. “rinnya aishiteru be mai waifu 4ever!!!111”). I don’t use the term “waifu” in the LL fandom - in fact, I don’t even use it at all outside of a joking context.

You might have noticed that I often refer to the LL girls in the following ways:

omg don’t hurt this precious baby

bless this child

look at my beautiful daughter

someone stop this kid

I’m Suwawa’s age, so do the math: I’m old. Though actually, referring to high school girls as wives is pretty creepy, regardless of age. Anyways, I’ve reached the point where I relate more to the parents going “omg this child is being reckless and doing stupid shit” instead of going “omg this superhero is being badass”. Seriously. I watched Spiderman: Homecoming recently and couldn’t stop pulling my hair out over Peter Parker’s stupidity. Instead of being impressed by the fight scenes, I was more worried about all the cars being destroyed in the movie (What if someone’s livelihood depends on their ability to drive to work?! Oh my god Parker, you just destroyed a car you borrowed from someone, that was an Audi do you know how much those things cost) and the poor saps who had to rebuild all the structures in New York and Maryland (You get a free suit from Iron Man, and you repay him by causing needless destruction to people’s homes and businesses?! Parker you little shit you go to a school for gifted kids so fucking stay in it!!!).

Whoops, got sidetracked. What I’m trying to say is, the LL characters are teenage girls. I’m not interested in them romantically. If anything, I see them as kids who need protection from all their haters and precious darlings who need to be shown the best of the world.

Do you want to know who I’ve used the term “waifu” for? Just two people.

The first is a living, breathing, actual person in real life who was one of my best friends in high school. I’m pretty sure you’re not referring to her. If you are, that’s hella creepy for a whole bunch of reasons, including “dude i don’t call her that now and she’s probably taken” and “that’s a detail from my private life, how the fuck did you even know about that???”. I nicknamed her “Waifu” for shits and giggles. Well, there was actually a reason behind it, but, uh…it’s a long story.

Anyways, there is exactly one anime character I’ve labeled “waifu”, and that dubious honor goes to Nagato Yuki of the Haruhi series. She was my first legitimate favorite character, since IMO characters like Pikachu and Sasuke don’t count (I just thought he was cool back when I was like 11, plus that was before he pulled all that weird shit with Orochimaru…oh god I feel old again). But yeah, instead of just going “I like her because she’s pretty/kickass” I was just like “omg she does so much to protect her friends and suffers so much, why can’t she be happy???”…which is, admittedly, a trend with my favorite characters…why am I like this…

Anyways, I’m pretty sure you weren’t referring to her, either.

3. You can’t “steal” away favorite characters, so your statement is still invalid.

Let’s assume that you were thinking of Rin and You (and maybe Shukashuu?) when you were sending in that ask. Here’s the issue - “your” waifus. Uh, news flash: you can’t steal away a favorite character. Like, my favorite color is red, and you’re allowed to have that be your favorite color too.

That’s partially why I detest the term “waifu” - it implies exclusivity and possession. They’re not “things” you can take. Also, I kinda hate people who bicker over who’s the #1 fan of a certain person or character. Bruh, if you’re a true fan you’d just cheer them on from the sidelines and want the best for them, rather than poisoning the fandom with your attacks.

And on the subject of that “(and maybe Shukashuu?)” above…referring to seiyuu as “waifus” is super-duper mega creepy. They’re real people, and they’re all pretty young, too. Please treat them with respect.

tl;dr: I don’t have “waifus”, and even if I did you can’t “steal” them away. Also, please fix your grammar.

[acidic-alixn-quxxn-blog]

@cellophxne

Ok here is the drabble thing. The last part may not be very well written but I tried and warning it is very feelsy. The song I blame waifu for because of the movie we were watching while I wrote this. Anyway please enjoy this drabble from the prompt thingy she reblogged.

TW: Blood, Death, Depression

Mina couln't help her hurt as she made her way back to the dorms. New dress, new perfume. She got her hair to cooperate after hours of fiddling with it and even did her make up. She waited an hour and a half and there was no sign of Sero anywhere. Maybe her forgot? No he seemed excited. So then why didn't he show? She gav out a soft sigh as she stopped outside the dorms. Her eyes glanced towards the boys dorms a moment, looking up at the windows she noticed faint light coming from Sero's window. Without thinking her feet started to carry her towards the boys dorms. She needed answers and they couldn't wait.

It was a slow trudge up the stairs, her heels clacking with each step she took. She turned down the hall and felt a shiver run down her spine. Something felt wrong but she didn't know why. As she got closer to Sero's room she noticed his door was slightly ajar and could smell the faint scent of iron in the air. Her heart jumped into her throat as she slowly pushed open the door. "Sero? Are you in here?" She asked. The room felt cold as she took a couple of steps before slipping and falling to the floor with a soft grunt. "What the hell?" She whispered before looking down to find herself covered in blood. Her eyes went wide before following the trail and finally spotting Sero slumped onto the floor in front of her. She gasped before clasping her hands over her mouth. Tears started down her cheeks as she slowly pulled one hand away and slowly reached it out to him, giving a soft shake. "Sero please. This isn't funny! Please! I don't like this!" She choked out between sobs. After getting no response she let out an agonizing scream.

The rest of the night felt like a blur to Mina. Denki had been the one to hear her shriek first and rushed into the room. He stopped for a moment and called 911 before draping a blanket over her. "Mina come on. You don't need to see this." Mina shook her head as sobs shook her body. "He was supposed to meet me. We had plans...I...." She stopped, choking on her words as she reached out and ran her fingers through Sero's hair. "I didn't even get to tell him how much he meant to me. I have had this crush for so long, that he knows but....I felt more. I think I actually..." Denki stopped her after a moment, wrapping his arms around her and helping her up. "Trust me Mina. He knew." He gave her a soft smile before leading her out of the room.

After a few minutes the police and an ambulance arrived. They got Mina's statement and took the body away. It was a blur to her, wrapped in a blanket and sitting outside staring at the sidewalk. She looked up when she heard footsteps ad looked up to see Denki returning from giving his statement. She looked curiously at the bo in his hand, watching as he held it out to her. "The police found this on his desk. It has your name on it and they figured it should get to you." Mina took the box from his hands gently, flipping open to the note and reading it.  'I know your birthday isn't for another week but I wanted to give you this early. I hope you like it. Happy Birthday Pinky. ~Sero~<3'. Fresh tears sprang to her eyes as she opened it and found a simple gold bracelet with two charms. The first one was a gold heart that had their initials in it. The other was a small tape dispenser. A small chuckle graced her lips as she reached up to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Tonight was supposed to be our first date you know." She said softly as she stared at the beautiful gift in front of her. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The week passed by slowly. Mina felt nothing but numbness as she went through her daily routine. Her pep was gone. She was just going through the motions. She had even finally met Sero's family and helped with the funeral and grieving where she could, even offering to sing her feelings at his funeral as well as saying a few words. Her smiles were few and far between and she had focused more on studying and practicing the piano than anything.

Finally the day of the funeral arrived. Mina sat off to the side with Sero's mother as people gave their condolences. After a while Denki came, checking up on Mina along with the rest of the class. She gave a soft smile as her tears started. "I'll be alright guys I promise." She reached up to wipe the tears from her eyes, the small charms on her bracelet swaying with each movement of her hand. She hadn't taken the bracelet off since she had showered that night. It was far too precious to her.

Once Mina was done giving her hugs to her classmates the service started. Mina took her seat, being invited to sit with Sero's mom, holding her hand for comfort. SHe felt a hand on her shoulder and looked back to Denki, giving him a soft smile before looking foreward. It went by slowly. Prayers were said and stories were shared, some of them sweet and other's causing roars of laughter from the crowd. Finally Mina got to her feet, ready to say her peice. She took a deep breath before speaking.

"Sero was a great friend to many of us at U.A. To me he was a lot more than that. He was my best friend. My confidont. Someon who could always put a smile on my face on my worst days. He had such a big heart and it showed. He always had our backs. He had such a great personality. I had a crush on him from the moment I met him. " She paused, letting a small giggl escape her lips as a few chuckles came from the crowd. "On the night we lost him, I was waiting for him at a resturant. We were finally going on our first date. Honestly words can not express how I feel about Sero or how great he is so I am going to be trying something different." She took another deep breath before moving over to the piano and taking a seat. Sh wiggled her fingers a moment before placing them on the keys and starting to play. After a few bars she started to sing along with the melody.

'It's hard to believe That I couldn't see You were always there beside me Thought I was alone With no one to hold But you were always right beside me This feelings like no other I want you to know

I've never had someone that knows me like you do The way you do I've never had someone as good for me as you No one like you so lonely before i finally found What i've been looking for'

Her voice was soft and sweet as she played the slow melody. She knew it was going to be hard and she had to keep her voice from cracking as tears started to pour from her eyes. Still she continued to sing.

'So good to be seen So good to be heard Don't have to say a word For so long I was lost So good to be found I'm loving having you around This feeling's like no other I want you to know

I've never had someone that knows me like you do The way you do I've never had someone as good for me as you No one like you So lonely before, I finally found What I've ben looking for'

She let out a soft sniffle as she finished out the song. When she finished she took a moment to compose herself before moving to the casket. She gave a soft smile before placing a hand on Sero's. "I can't begin to tell you how much you are missed Sero. You were taken from us too soon. I love you. I can only hope that you are happy." She gave another smile before sitting back down, tears continuing to stream down her cheeks. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It had been a month since the funeral as Mina walked back to her dorm from classes. Sero's killer was still at large and Mina was still in mourning. She had changed a lot, her bright smile slowly coming back but still not as bright as it use to be. Something in her heart had been missing.

She entered her dorm room and tried to turn on the lights, finding them failing her. She muttered a soft curse as she threw down her bag and fumbled around to find her desk. She finally found it but froze as she heard a voice behind her. "About time you got him girly. I have been studying you for a month now." Her body froze as a shiver went down her spine. "You're the one who stole him from me." She whispered softly. She could sense the sneer without having to turn around. "Such a shame. You should know the last word on his lips was you name. 'don't hurt Mina.' I believe he said. I didn't make any promises." She took a deep breath and started to turn. As soon as she did she felt the knife go through her chest. "You will be caught." She spat out before falling to the floor. She moved her hand, staring at the charms on her wrist as the killer continued his work. Tears stun her eyes as pain flashed through her body. Finally she hear footsteps as he left her to bleed out in her room. "I'm so sorry Sero. I'll see you soon." She whispered, bleeding out as she stared strait forward, to her wrist, to the charms that adorned it slowly getting covered in blood.

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

Last Chance to Make New Year’s Resolutions Come to Fruition: Spring Equinox Message!

Abstract: Spring Equinox this year also coincides with the coming of Aries season and the astrological new year. Thus, making new beginnings and commitments have much more momentum right now. Make the changes you wanted in your life, the universe supports your goal!

With all the crazy and chaotic energies happening in the world, don’t we all want our lives to move forward? Yes, it can be quite frustrating to be stuck somewhere all day, especially when we have been used to having a lot of activities outside. But instead of thinking that cabin fever sucks, why not use this chance to make lasting changes? Especially with the Spring Equinox coming tomorrow, March 20, 2020 (equal day and night time that signals the move towards spring and summer), this is a great opportunity to make and keep new year goals and resolutions that seem to be evasive since the Gregorian year started. And by Gregorian year I mean the start of 2020.

It is also very important to note that not only is tomorrow the earth starts shifting towards longer days and shorter nights here in the Northern Hemisphere, and longer nights and shorter days in the Southern Hemisphere (showering love to everyone through inclusion), but tomorrow also coincides with the beginning of the new Astrological Year as well as Aries season, so that’s quite a double dose of energies that can push forward the major bulldozing and removal of everything that no longer works, relationships that have grown stale, previous ideas and beliefs that feel so alien because these no longer reflect the wonderful person you have grown into, and all the things, material or non-material that have been sucking your high vibrational energies dry and have been causing you so much unnecessary stress. Seriously, despite the disease scare** across the world, getting even more stressed will only affect the immune system even more negatively by reducing the production of White Blood Cells (imagine: Less Macrophage waifus in your body. Or if you like Killer T’s or our good old pal Neutrophil-sempai yeah sure. Lol I love Cells at Work - Hataraku Saibou so yeah, I am doing my best to make things light here) so might as well take precautions on the personal level because that’s the only thing each person can have almost 100% control over.  Other than that, I think this is a great opportunity to revamp our lives in however ways we want. But if you feel like it’s already too late to start anew and go over your January goals...

YOU’RE STILL FINE, LET’S DO IT!! We still have a big push to start this thing!

So ditch the guilt for not starting early enough, you’re gonna be OK because for the next 5 days the Equinox energies are here to help all of us (believers or not) move forward to our new life chapters as well as into the new decade. And it’s a great wave that we can all catch and reap the benefits as well as the rewards from.

But hoooow?

Well, I am glad you asked. What is wonderful about these energies is that aside from helping us move forward with what we want, we can also better align with the higher vibrational versions of our selves aka HIGHEST SELF so that we not only can make personal goals that we absolutely want to happen, but also next-level goals, the divinely-guided ones that can steer us into the person we were supposed to be. These are the goals that can shape and transform us and our inner world. And spoiler alert: these are not all earthly goals. Some of these can be goals that you never expected to even think of dreaming to achieve. So you might wanna think about that too.

Thus the next 5 days starting from the equinox is  a great way to start meditating (if you haven’t already) and asking the universe, source, god, friendly star entities, whoever and whatever you consider your higher power to provide you guidance on what you need to do to grow into the person who shines their light in these dark and tumultuous times. And be open-minded on what answers will pop up. Ponder and meditate on those too. Just feel free to play with whatever you pick up while you meditate: visions; smells; sounds; textures; tastes; the whole gamut of feelings available.

But what if I don’t have any unfulfilled goals right now? I started them all and finished more than half before January ended.

Then you are amazing! Honestly. And what better way to celebrate than making a fresh new inner self, because that part of you that already achieved your goals is for sure wanting to set new ones, maybe more flexible and chillax visions of you. So you still would benefit from getting an inner-self revamp and goal revamping or revisiting.

How to do this?

Also simple. Here are some suggested steps:

List all of your new year goals 

Tick the ones that you accomplished 

Write your feelings when you accomplished them 

See if it’s a goal that can get better through an upgrade (eg. saved x amount of cash. next goal can be save 2x amount of cash), and lastly,

Ask yourself: Is this goal worth upgrading or is it worth making new goals?

If you feel deep within your heart that upleveling your goal is worth it because you know 100% that you’ll feel so happy and fulfilled doing it, then please do, by all means! Any and all forms of growth and development are wonderful, and that’s also going to improve your skills in the long run. Who knows, you can grow into an expert in that field too. So yeah, I support you!

But.. What if a considerable chunk of what you did and accomplished didn’t give you the amount of satisfaction that you were expecting to receive? Or, you felt drained?

Don’t despair, my friend, because all of those activities ARE NOT IN VAIN. These are not a waste of time. Why? Because at the very least, they’re great lessons made especially for you. It just means that your inner self just wants to get more out of life, and you’re starting to yearn for bigger goals. Maybe goals that you haven’t thought of doing yet, or goals that you kept shoving in the back of the oven. Or it is also possible that you just need to expand your comfort zone, or do stuff you haven’t done before but were always chilling at the corner of your mind. It is also possible that you just need to do something new, just to feel alive.

Whatever the case, a breath of fresh air is what the doctor recommends. And you can definitely benefit by harnessing the incoming Equinox energies! Aside from asking the higher dimensional realms for extra guidance and support. I mean, any form of support and cheering is better than none so why not take this chance as well? What is there to lose?

If you’ll ask me, you can only gain newer perspectives. Newer ways of solving things. Newer ways of looking at things. Once you’ve crossed that path, you can only go forward, because neural networks get rewired each time you CHOOSE to change and EMBRACE everything that goes with it. Basically BECOMING the identity instead of just seeing yourself as someone who does things is a better goal because by BECOMING, it becomes who you are as your own personal choice. For me, my personal identity is a life-long learner who learns to improve my personal life and other people’s too. Yeah I got this idea from Vishen Lakhiani, it makes so much sense to me because I was already doing identity shifting even before he coined the term. Fun 13 years that was, and counting. So it’s both borrowed and personal, I couldn’t care any less lol

OK past this point are personal ramblings. You can end your reading here =) Thank you and be blessed always!

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Of course, changing things just when things are getting settled can be very, very unsettling. For me, even if I am open to changes, it can still get really annoying. I already started going out of my comfort zone as advised by my higher self since November last year, and it’s not as easy as I wanted it to be, because I had to purge so much stuff, more than my body could ever handle. I also started to purge inherited emotions, ideas, patterns, karmas, and all that garbage that I have been holding onto energetically, because aside from not being for my highest good, these things have held me back because deep down, I KNOW that I can do more and be more. I am B-MO lol but really, aren’t we all B-MO? =D

I wish I wasn’t kidding when I kept saying that it wasn’t easy making changes. Honestly, it wasn’t. We’re hardwired to be habitual creatures, it’s in our DNA, and by going against our instincts and relying more on intuition can feel like swimming upstream, up a waterfall. Also, I have a stubborn streak (a Saturnian gift which I am doing my best to be happy with), which can really get in the way of instilling new habits and schedules, especially just implementing a weekly Kundalini meditation to clear off energies and learning new stuff. Another thing that is tripping me up right now is adding my paypal donation link below each post, which is pretty much divinely-guided and right now I am hoping that some magic can happen, one way or another. It felt uncomfortable but I also chose to do it, even if a tiny part of me, the fearful one who wants me to stay in poverty consciousness is guilt-tripping me even until now. If I could just obliterate that part of me so that I can let abundance come in, I will do it in a heartbeat. And right now I am still in that process so wish me luck to succeed.

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Well, this turned out to be longer than I intended it to be. But still, I hope it helps others a lot, even just one person. Of course, if it helps more then the better it is to have this posted. 

One last thing: An Energy-infused photo to support you with the incoming Spring Equinox energies:

If you reached this part of the post, seriously thank you so much. You can have all my hugs, my UwUs, and uhm.. Everything else in between. UwU

Be blessed by the Divine Realm always, and may you become the healing you deserve.

Mikazuki

PS. If you found the information in this post to be very helpful, insightful, and of great value to you and your own personal journey, please feel free to reblog, share and heart/like, or if you feel super-generous, energetic exchanges are welcomed! Please click here and use this email address: may_chan_otaku@yahoo.com 

Thank you so much and be blessed!

More personal rants under the slash lol no need to read unless you want to get triggered lol

----Trigger warnings: ranting--------

**  I personally believe that the “pandemic” is nothing more than a scare tactic instigated by uhm, “you know who” (Voldemort? Sauron? lol) because based on some of the statistics which I have been doing my best to read, the disease only affects susceptible members of the population aka people with weak or compromised immune systems, especially people around the age of 60 years and above. Also I am miffed that many reports kept focusing on number of deaths instead of adding very pertinent info such as total number of cases, demographics of suspected and infected individuals and number of deaths versus total number of cases with full age demographic of the entire population of infected individuals as well as the entire population structure of each country. I am basically saying that a lot of things should be considered before making rational or irrational choices or procedures, because any incomplete info or analysis can affect decision-making and make matters worse. I believe it’s called looking at all options including past events and how these were mitigated and assesing all possible ways to create solutions. Seriously, deciding out of hightened emotions and under fear can create more horrible events. Try deciding from a place of confidence, peace, love, and gobbling a lot of information and regurgitating that information to create BETTER solutions. Sheesh.

As with most of the diseases out there, proper hygiene and personal responsibility are still the most important things each person can do to control ALL COMMUNICABLE DISEASES. And in my own, personal opinion, some other viral and parasitic diseases have more lethal effects because ALL members of the entire population demographic can readily die from it without proper detection and care. Think HIV, Dengue fever, trypanosome diseases, malaria, etc.. Just my two cents on this whole thing. But if you disagree then it’s fine. I still love you OK? I guess I am a lot more passionate than I should be because I love studying epidemiology and pathogens and how these things can be controlled, plus some background on cell signalling and formation of cells helps a lot. I wasn’t kidding when I said I learn and apply what I learned to help myself and other people, that’s a large part of my personal identity. =)

[johnnyv-art]

Ok Nintendo! You did a real bad job remembering that Metroid’s birthday was today! I found out about that this morning and thought, hey I’ll draw Samus a birthday gift. (I know she’s fictional, but I drew her a picture Damn it!) So Happy 30th Metroid and Samus!