#Reconditioned Jedi

[cjorgens2022]

Imperial!Tech

I’ve been inspired by two particular Imperial!Tech Fics, one is Wwheeljack’s Imperial Tech (includes In the Name of Science) and Aelfwynn’s Observations and Analysis in the Galactic Empire Imperial Tech!

in the show canon, Tech is stoic and calm, but when his chip activates in my Imperial!Tech AU his stoicness would be much colder, he wouldn’t be above critiquing Hunter in particular for not following orders on both Kaller and Onderon, even using the warning of informing the Kaminoans AND Tarkin about his leadership, and the fact this Imperial Tech will calmly and coldly question Hunter on his reliability as not just a brother, but a leader!

Tech would become even more dedicated to science, now that my Tech is part of the empire, he’ll do any and all experiments that align with the Empire, he will be very willing to lure in Jedi and Clone alike for his experiments and perhaps *recondition* them to see the benefits of The Empire! His full rank would be known as Scientist Imperial Commander CT-9902! My Imperial!Tech Fic reaches across the post clone wars era, into the imperial era, throughout the Galactic Civil War, into the New Republic Age and into the time of the sequels!

[fanfic-obsessed]

Kaminoans Save

I was thinking this morning about the Kamioans. Specifically the Kaminoans as businessbeings and that their business is cloning. Also on their isolation and the implications that they do not have the knowledge base to understand sentients that are not Kaminoan. Two parts of that, of course, the likelihood that their business is built on cloning non sentients (so they are used to providing for the physical requirements of different species but are not used to the increased psychological needs of so called sentient species) and the sheer timeframe of the GAR cloning project (most projects have their clones sent to their clients in their infancy, thus the psychological needs fall on the clients). From these musings an AU was born. 

We do have to start with the understanding that the Kaminoans in this do not know about Operation Knightfall or Order 66. This project was sold to them as a straight contract (even the chips were provided as an addendum in the contract. The Kaminoans believe that it serves as a way to tell who is a Force User-which technically it does) by the Jedi.  They believe that special dispensation has been granted by the Republic to clone sentients with the aim of potentially changing the law (provided that the Kaminoans can prove that there is an ethical way to clone sentients), which would serve to triple or quadruple their business. 

From that perspective not only do the Kaminoans want the clones to be seen as sentient, they want them to be as individual as possible within the contract (They have still been contracted to grow an army, which does come with restrictions on both individuality and agency). They want the clones to be different from Jango Fett, to prove that what they do is more than a copy.   They are still assigned numbers at birth, but the clones are taught from a young age by the Kaminoans that it is so the clones themselves can find their own names. There is still the double aging through childhood but it is in he best interest of the Kaminoans for it to slow down to regular, or even slower, once the Clones reach peak physical and mental maturity (roughly mid to late 20’s)

Now it is not all sunshine and roses in this universe for the Clones. As the Kaminoans know little about human psychology and the needs of growing humans, Jango Fett (as the genetic progenitor) is contracted to find trainers for the clone army.  Jango Fett is very much on board with Operation knightfall and Order 66. He and most of his trainers see the clones as the meat droids they plan for them to be. There is still decommissioning even if not as frequent(there is no reconditioning, though as that required tech from the Kaminoans, who want to encourage uniqueness for business reasons). The Kaminoans do not realize that the training program and the way that the Clones are treated by the trainers are unusual or abusive for humans for years.  

They are primarily scientists, however, and many begin to notice that Boba Fett was treated significantly differently than the other clones, even taking into account that he does not age as fast (When he is five, he is not being treated like the physically five year olds for instance). At first there are attempts to get answers from the trainers and Jango Fett, who shut all inquiries down.  Like all scientists who are presented with a puzzle (the difference in treatment between Boba and the other clones, and -once they noticed it- how some trainers seem to be treating the clones differently), as a people they start to research human psychology and child rearing. The more business minded of the species like the idea that the next time they get a project like this they will not have to outsource these parts, as it would be cheaper.

The results horrify them, from the research it is clear that the trainers are going to ruin the clones. This was the Kaminoans' livelihood, their reputation.  The clones were their finest creations; each one unique, adaptable, and self aware enough to find solutions for their own shortcomings. The Kaminoans were damned proud of the clones, and did not want to be held responsible for the, clearly, substandard training they were receiving. 

They did not even try to correct Jango Fett or the Trainers. Instead Lama Su reached out to the Jedi, not the Jedi that contracted them of the ‘Jedi’ that they had been dealing with, but the High Council in 977 ARR (23BBY, or a year the clone wars would have started. I need it to be specifically then for Codywan reasons. If Cody is aging double than in 977 ARR, he would be physically and mentally 18, though to me the CodyWan would still not happen for a few years, I personally would be a bit uncomfortable with them meeting much earlier than that; but that is a personal preference). He sends an official complaint that the methods of the trainers ‘hired by the Jedi’ were going to ruin their order. The High Council, confused but feeling like they should not admit it, arranges for a small group to travel to Kamino to ‘discuss the matter and take appropriate action’.  They ask that the Kaminoan not speak of their arrival to the trainers, just in case. 

This group includes Mace Windu, Ki Adi Mundi, Obi Wan Kenobi (as it is generally accepted that his missions go weird and he is one of the best equipped to deal with weird), Anakin Skywalker (as Obi Wan’s Padawan), and Healer Stass Allie. 

The Jedi meet with Lama Su. They ask for him to tell them what is happening ‘as if they did not know about the contract’ to make sure they are not missing any information.  Lama Su does, going over the entire contract, producing the signed waivers (including several that appeared to be signed by the chancellor himself), the contract, who they had made the contract with (Master Sifo-Dyas, in the last days of his tenure on the High Council-where he did have the authority to put in the order for he Clones without telling anyone), who they had been dealing with for the last few year (‘Master’ Tyranus- the Fallen Yan Dooku),  and what the payment was to be (as they were to be paid on delivery). Then what the trainers are doing to the clones and how they(the Kaminoans) had just discovered the damage to their work (As they not only prided themselves on their work but also hoped that this would open up a new industry for them, they take that seriously).

At the end, Mace Windu is quiet for a really long moment before going “It’s clear the contract you signed was made in good faith on your end. However, Master Sifo-Dyas did not make this contract in good faith, and we have no record of Master Tyranus. We will honor the deal you made, you will get paid for the entire amount you were promised. There are going to be some changes, though, because we did not know about this project. I have no doubt about your process, but it is clear that someone wants to sabotage your efforts”

Anakin pipes up before they can go any further, his eyes distant. “They should be paid now, so that no one else can claim the clones belong to them.”

Lama Su is assuaged that they will get paid at least (the cost will drain the Jedi’s discretionary fund and mean that Mace will be sending a dozen Jedi to gamble to refill it again) and willing to make the changes the client suggests. 

Windu asks about the not yet decanted, can the process be paused while the Jedi evaluate.  Once the growth process has started, it cannot be stopped without harming the children in the tubes. Windu nods, and says to finish the growth process for any Tubes that have already been started but to not start any more and that the healer Allie Stass will be remaining to learn their process for decanting (When the chips are mentioned, along with their purported purpose Windu makes it clear that the chips should not be implanted in any more clones, and they would like a sample of the chip to study to see if they needed to remove it from already decanted clones). Military training was to cease immediately, as the Jedi are not legally allowed to have an army.  Instead the Council would be giving some aptitude and interest tests so they can start figuring out how to best assist the clone in finding what they want to do. The Jedi Order would be taking custody of all of the clones, decanted and not, and bringing them to the temple on Coruscant but it would take time to arrange. In the meantime Windu and Obi Wan would be going to bond with the current set of trainers. Obi Wan and Anakin would be staying as part of an oversight process and starting to prepare the clones to move off of Kamino. 

Just before leaving Mundi asks permission to get the Kaminoan in touch with his people. They have no way of knowing if the sentient cloning could continue (Frankly they have no idea how many of those waivers were legitimate, though they did believe Kaminoans believed them to be legitimate). But by nature the Kaminoans were superb geneticists and there had been too few males born to his people for generations. 

So the Kaminoans did end up getting more business after all.

[zealfruity]

So anyone remember when I drew faces for the clones we don’t know the faces of?

Gave Hound the Wolverine Hair and some neat piercings. I have specific reasons for a lot of the design choices here so if you want details, ask :))

Anyway I remade them because I’ve improved a lot and the designs have changed. They’re all so girliepop. Added Corrie!Dogma and my own headcanons relating to that (basically:

He was supposed to be reconditioned since he was a model soldier beforehand but it didnt work perfectly, which is why he has more than just the temple scars. the only thing he can remember about his name is that theres "dog" in it and he has the self hating belief that hes just a dog of the republic not worth much just smth to be pointed at so he can bite so hes like "oh of course thats my name" and he cant remember Umbara super well but he can remember that he betrayed brothers and that he betrayed the republic by killing a jedi and he doesnt know why he did any of it. he doesnt know why hes so lonely even though now he has a bunch of Corrie vode around (hes missing his bff twin bro Tup). "Dog" is part of Hound's team so he gets to work with the dog creatures. Yes this is silly. Yes Hound is absolutely delighted. Yes most of the rest of the k9 arf trooper unit ARE named canine related names and yes they know their unit name is also silly. Dogma in s3 when??

[mwolf0epsilon]

I have thoughts on how reconditioning works and honestly it makes my headcanon that the only clone the 501st, 212th and their Jedi know that's been reconned is not in fact Dogma, but actually Cody.

[momojedi]

— KILLER MACHINE

bad batch x gn! imp! reader

chapter one. the division

“Clones?”

My face falls at the sight in front of me. There, on the opposite side of the mirrored glass, my future division is properly lined up in full, black gear; armour I’ve never seen on a clone before. Doctor Hemlock chuckles before moving away from the window and pacing down the hallway. “Not just any clones,” he hums, clasping his hands behind his back as I follow him under the watchful eye of the clone commando accompanying us. “A reconditioned kind. Specialised for the kill.”

“Sir,” I pipe up, trying to keep up with his fast strides, “Clones are a loyal specimen and possibly even the best soldiers we could’ve asked for during the war, yes, but I’m not sure they’re fit to be assassins—“ He cuts me off.

“Oh, they are.” His voice is laced with confidence, leaving little room for doubt and I hesitate before shaking my head and letting my stubbornness slip.

“With all due respect, being an assassin requires far more than just killing. It’s about precision and stealth, both things clone soldiers aren’t exactly known for,” I fight back, motioning toward the soldiers with a wave, “I’ve looked over the Cuy’val Dar’s records from Kamino before, there’s a reason I never worked with them during the wars; most of the troopers performed weakly in those areas, mediocre at best!”

With a sigh, Hemlock stops and turns to face me. “This division underwent extensive reconditioning and rigorous training to ensure full success in the field. Every operative within this elite unit possesses unparalleled expertise, from precision marksmanship to covert infiltration,” he then towers over me, cold eyes penetrating my soul in a judgemental manner, “You have been selected to lead these specimens to success and the Empire expects no less of you. Have I made myself clear?” A chill runs down my spine at his tone and suddenly my mouth goes dry.

I have never been a people person, always working alone and always triumphing alone. Even during the days of the Republic, the Jedi knew better than to pair me up with their people after requesting my help for a mission. Putting me in a position of leadership and responsibility for an entire division is … scary to say the least. But when the Empire wants something from you, it’s better to comply than to step back and so, I swallow the fearful lump in my throat and nod slowly.

“Yes sir.”

Hemlock smiles, a sickeningly sweet smile as he breathes out. “Wonderful.”

Suddenly, the piercing ring of a commlink catches our attention and he raises the small cylinder. “Sir,” a female voice pipes up at the other end of the line, “the Kaminoan scientist is requesting your assistance.” Without responding, Hemlock the commlink back in his pocket and then faces me again. “It appears I am needed elsewhere. RC-1262 will meet you here tomorrow at 0600 sharp for briefing.” He fiddles with the black glove draping one of his hands, ready to turn his back on me but not before giving me one last warning glance. “Remember,” he starts with a dangerous glint in his eyes, “failure is not an option. The Empire demands excellence, and I expect nothing less." His words hang in the air, heavy with the weight of expectation and consequence. As he strides away, followed by his clone commando, I'm left with a sinking feeling in my chest.

[whiskygoldwings]

what are some Fox tropes and headcanons that you like 👀 or anything else that you wanna ramble about him!

Okay!!! I am finally back at my laptop and able to give this question the proper answer it deserves!

STRAP IN KIDS WE'RE GOING FOR A RIDE!!!

HEADCANONS/TROPES

Let's be honest, considering we get about five minutes of him in the animated series and very little extra information outside of it, most of the characterisation of Fox is based on headcanon/fanon tropes. There are a few I am very particularly fond of to say the least! These aren't in any particular order, and at all times can be intermixed/left out etc etc...

The Corries are systematically abused by the Senate/the Chancellor - I won't lie, I'm a sucker for this. The Corries are strange in the show for a few reasons: no known assigned Jedi, several Commanders instead of one, non-officers appear to have the same paint job, and their remit appears to be very different to the rest of the GAR. I'm going to fail miserably at this list thing, because I already want to go off on multiple tangents that are headcanons of their own, BUT! I'm going to highlight the lack of individuality - Fics where this is described as being due to the need to protect troopers from being decommissioned/reconditioned/being singled out by Senators for numerous other nefarious reasons are like crack to me. I will drink that shit like water. It feeds into my loving Fox being a problem solver who works damn hard and damn cleverly to protect his people. The Senate abuse the guard through so many ways - dehumanisation of them being the overarching feature that makes it so easy to treat them like objects, toys for their amusement. Give me a good fic where fox paints himself like a target to take the abuse from the rest. Thorn and the other Commanders refuse to let him go it alone. They are the bulwark against the abuse reaching the rest of the guard.

Thorn painted their armour the opposite to Fox's on purpose. Yeeeeah, this is a little bit of a shippy thing. Won't lie! Not entirely; I do love the idea that thorn does it so they're clearly the highest ranking and can be targetted easily. But I'm also a complete sucker for Fox/Thorn, especially Thorn being devoted to Fox and putting him back together when it all gets too much.

Fox has scars, grey hair, and slightly more golden-brown eyes - Personal preference on the eyes thing. I just think it makes him more Fox-like. I swing between him being named Fox due to his slyness, and because of his eyes. Never written it though weirdly! Scars - heavily predicated by the Guard being abused thing. Typically I picture him with a scar through his right eyebrow (see my pfp and The Ballad), though I am very fond of the scar across the bridge of the nose look. I also, fooking love Fox having Lichtenberg scars, possibly weirdly raised and brutal-looking, due to the fact they've been caused by Sith lightning... Palp's is a bad bad man! The grey hair I headcanon being an indication of the stress his mind has been put under by Sithly intrustion/manipulation. As well as just pure fucking exhaustion.

Fox loves caff! I love coffee and exist in a constant state of fatigue. The man gets to feel both my pain and my nectar of life. Typically he has it black with no sugar, but largely because the Guard don't get frivolous things like milk and sugar! (Secretly he loves it with just one spoon of sugar and a touch of cream. Bail made it that way for him once and he nearly cried. He's been chasing that flavour ever since)

Fox loves his Guard. So much. He will do anything to keep them safe. Half of his exhaustion is caused by him taking as much onto himself as he can, including, but not limited to, the abuses of the Chancellor and other Senators. He's a professional, and it takes some convincing/manipulation/Thorn just bullying him into it, but he does love being surrounded by his Vode in a massive pile of warmth and love somewhere.

The Guard love Fox. They see and know what he does for them. They bring him little gifts and leave ration bars and the other Commanders quietly race through datawork and do their best to take what work they can from him. In stories where the GAR become hostile towards the Guard, Fox's troopers will defend him to the end. (I'm actually not fond of the GAR turning against the Guard in my own headcanon! I read and enjoy it for the angst/whump, but oftentimes I prefer any separation to be more because of Sithly intervention/simple war making communication hard).

Eldritch Fox is fucking excellent by the way. There's a set of fics called Corrie Red that I just love. Fox accepts power to help the Guard. It turns out excellently. (For the Guard!) Eldritch guard is wonderfully delicious, and seems to have a subset of fans within the fandom. There's a few really damn good fics of the sort out there.

Palp's activates Fox's chip and uses him to conduct assassinations - Bonus points if Fox starts to become aware of this. bonus bonus points if it causes the chip to degrade, and there's angst over realising what he's done etc. Yes pls!

Fox struggles to trust Nat-borns due to everything that's happened with the Senate. I struggle to ship Fox with Quin or Riyo because of this. Strangely I find Riyo easier than Quin? I think because Quin is a Jedi, and I can imagine Fox feeling very betrayed by them, or separated from them in a way he doesn't perhaps with a nat-born who has worked from the beginning to help him. She's depicted as quite young at the beginning of Clone Wars, so I more imagine them perhaps getting together in the Bad Batch era. I am getting more fond of Foxiyo these days I'm finding! But, realistically, my headcanon is that Fox can't relax completely with Nat-borns, always feels like there's another foot to fall. Personally, as a clone-shipper, I prefer Fox/Thorn, Fox/Cody or Fox/Thorn/Stone/Thire. That last one makes me so freaking happy! I love the idea of them all just piling in together lol!

The command batch consists of Fox, Cody, Wolffe, Bly and Ponds. This is fairly typical of the clone fandom, but I thought it worth saying! I see Fox and Wolffe in particular as very close, seeing each other very much as siblings/twins. There's another excellent fic where Wolffe realises not all is right with the Guard and goes in to investigate, and I LOVE IT.

Fox being Force-sensitive - This is more a trope I enjoy - I don't personally headcanon it, I tend to lean towards any indication of Force-sensitivity being a reason for decommissioning. But do I love fics where he realises this and cleverly avoids being discovered, or the chip prevents Force sensitivity, or he's just quietly better at knowing what people are going to do, at knowing where to dodge to? YES. YES I DO.

Fox is a kind, but firm person. He'll give you his last ration bar, but he'll expect you to do what you're told. He's a Marshal Commander. He's been trained to lead, and he's earned his position. He'll never order someone to do something he wouldn't do himself, and he'll muck in with everyone else.

Fox will sacrifice himself before others. Rations are being cut? Fox takes the lowest amount. The Guard are being given more tasks? Fox will take the first shift.

Fox saves Dogma and incorporates him into the Guard - He hides him the same way he does any trooper order to be decommissioned - he swaps their idents numbers and quietly hides them deep within the Guard. Dogma's a Corrie, and with them, he learns how to be comfortable with himself.

A trope I have enjoyed (but only know of one fanfic that does it!) - is where Fox is actually a series of different clones. There's an excellent fic where the first fox disappears, and Thorn and the other Commanders move someone else into the position. I annoyingly can't remember what it's called right now, but the current Fox at the end of the war is something like the 9th of that name? It's very good!

I know there's more, but I brought some whisky back from Scotland and have enjoyed a couple of glasses and am now struggling to remember more! I may well reblog and add some more as I remember lol!

To me, the Corrie Guard as a whole is particularly interesting precisely because we know so little of them, and only see very brief glimpses of them. I think I've fallen, HARD, for fanon Fox. Where he's the leader of an abused and beleagured group, and doing his absolute best to protect them with every ounce of power he has. Where he suffers and struggles and is broken down to his very marrow, but forces himself back up, and fights to the bitter end to protect others. He's an excellent whump target, and also a sexy silver Fox. What fanon has made of him has been beautiful, and I love it.

Always happy to talk about Fox, and what I like of him.

[findafight]

I think there's something deeply interesting about the Clone troopers learning Mando'a from the trainers, and passing that on to each other. It's probably not a full language, not at first. They only got the basics from the trainers, but they take loan words from Basic, and then from other worlds they're stationed on. It gets passed down to the shinies, evolving and changing quickly. It's a living language, and it has different accents, different words taken from different languages depending on where the troopers speaking it have been for the longest. It's not hidden, not really. The Jedi actively encourage it, though Kaminoans have never wanted it to spread. But it's a remarkable thing, how quickly it changes and how precious it is, for clones to have something that is It morphs into something unique and theirs.

And then, order 66 happens, and clone troopers are phased out and replaced by recruited, but some sources have them training together/training new recruits, and so they pick up on the language as a kind of military slang or code. But it's still a language, still taught and spoken, though more covertly, more carefully even as the clones are slowly decommissioned, but their language is passed on through imperial stormtroopers.

Even when the New Republic seems to have defeated the Empire, there's still Grand Moffs, there's still Stormtroopers, and the First Order rises. And yet somehow, stormtroopers keep this language alive, even though no one who speaks it now knows where it came from, or why only troopers speak it.

Eventually, all those kidnapped children grew up not knowing anything but the first order, and fear, and whispered words under bedcovers that the higherups can't understand. Sometimes they call them natborns and they don't know why. Sometimes they call each other vod'e and don't know why. They know what it means, (it means brother, means sister, means sibling, it means something deeper than that) but not why, not the how. They just know it's a secret. Some of them know songs, and some of them don't get a chance to learn them before they're heard by higherups and whoever knew it was reconditioned and it was lost.

When the First Order falls, troopers who escaped try to find their vod'e, find their family, and along the way they also find decedents of Clones, who speak a language similar to theirs. Who know the words that First Order troopers have only whispered to each other and speak them in the open with their families without fear. Who know all those songs that were so precious and dangerous and more. And they discovered their shared heritage, shared history, through the language the clones built for themselves.

[spiralingemptyness]

clone wars (mainly guard) hc pt. 3

sinker and hound are batch mates 

Thire is youngest command officer on coruscant guard

Yoda kinda adopted coruscant guard

Amidala and thorn are best buddies

Amidala dresses up the corrie guard that have to guard her at galas

Monnk has a monthly drowning (despite having scuba equitmnent and being the best swimmer in the whole gar)and Kit always teases him (after making sure he’s safe)

Depa and Grey have a platonic co-parenting to Caleb (Grey is aroace)

Fox cares for all his corrie guards and they make sure to return the favor by taking care of him, his work and just giving him the best hugs

Reasons palps has died

Fox

Corrie guard cmo

Plo koon

Windu

Other Jedi

Corrie guard CO’s

Zilo beast

Grizzer

Falling out a window

Heart attack

Snapping his neck

Plo koon gets the worst color choices for vod pile blankets but they’re the softest and the 104th love him so they don’t tell him

Despite being the most carefullest of the guard, Thire gets hurts the most (he can rival Fox in the number of injuries they’ve received)

Thire has been reconditioned the most

love how I end it on angst :)

I have a shit load of mk head cannons sooooo yah

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

Sanctuary part 2

Chapter 6: Ghosts of Kamino

A/N: I posted this on AO3 and forgot to post it here 🤣 whoops!

Warnings: Description of panic attack, disassociating, canon violence, Hemlock being an intimidating bastard, Stitch is having a rough time, mentions of reconditioning.

Word Count: 3.6k+

Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7

Masterlist

A soft noise brought you to awareness, your entire body stiffening as you tried to figure out who was in the room.

The infinite smoothness of Nala Se flooded your mind and it forced your eyes open. The Kaminoan was sat down, her long limbed body almost folded in half to sit in a human chair. Large, dark eyes blinked at movement from the bed and she seemed to suck a quiet breath in. A touch of relief reached you as the first groan left your lips. Your entire body was on fire, muscles screaming from the rough workout they had been put through recently.

“Why are you so relived to see I’m alive, Nala Se?” Your throat was dry, sticking and causing you to cough. Slowly you sat up, gently taking the offered glass from the pale hand that held it out.

She didn’t answer right away, her eyes travelling over the floor and back up to you while she tried to form a reply. “All the specimens are important,” she finally said and you paused mid motion.

“All? You mean the clones?”

“No. There are others.” You wanted to say you were surprised, but the depths that Hemlock would go when it came to prisoners did not surprise you.

“I felt them,” you murmured. Remembering walking past the large double door and feeling the faint shimmer of another presence, one that resonated with yours. “They are kept here, others like me.”

Nala Se bent her long neck slightly, gesturing slowly with an open hand. “There are others. But not like you.” Her voice was light and firm, breezing through the small room. “You are different.”

Taking a long sip of water you quickly assessed the creature before you. She didn’t seem hurried or anxious today. In fact, she was down right chatty. “How am I different from any other human you have taken blood from?”

“I knew you were special, from the moment you were pulled out of the pod.” Everything you thought you knew zeroed down to this specific point as you repeated what she’d said, your lips moving around the words as if it helped you process them.

“A pod.”

“Yes. Jedi Master Sifo-Dyas came to us, talking about a brewing conflict within the galaxy. He wanted to help his fellow Jedi.” Your fingers gripped the cup, the only solid thing that was tying you to reality. “He offered his genes to create more Jedi. We tried, of course, but the failure was widespread. Most of the units did not survive infancy, much to our dismay. Their M-counts interfered with the healthy development, Master Sifo-Dyas declared the Force was not allowing them live. Apparently it tipped the balance,” she explained quietly.

“What does any of this have to do with me?” Your heart beat erratically, tension prickled down your scarred arms and you began to chew on your nails.

“You were the only one to survive.”

“That’s impossible,” you scoffed. “Tech found that Sifo-Dyas was—was my father, not my…donor.”

“CT-9902 would not have found anything linking you to Kamino, because I erased it,” she stated as calmly as someone commenting on the weather.

You winced, but still your teeth pulled anxiously at your skin. “This is insane,” you told her with a nervous half laugh. “Why are you telling me this? Does Hemlock know?”

“He does not.” Tugging on your lower lip you rocked slightly on the bed. “I fear what he will do to you if he does find out.” Your thoughts were swirling, each breath hitched a fraction in your throat as your eyes lost focus. The man you had been told was your biological father, wasn’t your father at all. He had shared his DNA with the Kaminoans to make Jedi clones. They didn’t survive, none except you.

“Why did I end up with Jango?”

“Master Sifo-Dyas was worried his actions would draw the attention of the Jedi Council or others who might use this information to their advantage. He looked at you like the daughter he could never have, and I let him take you. Hiding you within the Mandalorian community was both a good and bad idea.”

“Why did he leave me behind?” You whispered, not sure if Nala Se would have the answer.

“Jango Fett did what he thought was best for you. With whispers of the growing hostilities, he decided to hide you before he came to Kamino.”

“Ridiculous,” you mumbled, blinking back tears that burned your eyes.

Nala Se leaned forward, her large arms dipping between her folded legs. “You must be cautious. Dr Hemlock is showing more interest in you after the incident with IC-1309 and IC-1262.” Your mind scrambled around, linking the designations to the clones and the fight in the training room.

“What will he do to me?”

“What he does to everyone,” she responded with an air of regret.

“Which is?” You prompted, watching the way she gracefully rose in a single fluid motion.

“Take everything he can from you.”

“W-why did you tell me this? Won’t he know you’re in here talking to me?”

“Dr Hemlock has left the facility,” she explained. “I have told you so you know to hide this part of yourself from him.”

“It’s not something I can control, the visions…” you trailed off, wanting to tell her everything and yet, still not sure if you could trust her. For the millionth time you wished yourself parsecs away, with a bunch of defective clones that had looked after you since they found you.

“I have altered your blood results in an effort to keep what you are, hidden,” she added softly, as though she assumed it would reassure you.

“What is he looking for?”

The Kaminoan regarded you with unblinking, emotionless eyes. “He is working for the Emperor.” You knew this, you weren’t sure how but this information wasn’t new. “I will do whatever is within my power to keep you safe.” You waited a couple of beats before looking back up.

“Nala Se.” She paused facing the door. “Is there a way out of here?”

“No,” she whispered, confirming your worst fears. “Not for us.” You let her go. Frozen on the bed as you tried desperately to stave off the gathering emotion that clawed at your chest, threatening to spill out in waves that had no end. Staggering to the shower, you quickly shed your clothes, diving under the stream of warm water and letting your tears quietly mingle with the drops on your skin.

It was crushing. Realising that, once again, you had no idea about your own past or who you were. Your hands curled against your arms, squeezing you in a hug that you wished was coming from someone else. You tried not to think about them, the Batch. It was agonising not knowing if they were ok, where they were or what they were doing. More than once it had crossed your mind that the Empire might have them.

Your legs gave out, the close walls of your tiny shower barely managing to keep you upright as you slumped onto the floor. Your teeth were chattering, a reaction of shock and stress mixed together while your body tried to muddle its way through. A soft groan left your lips at the tightness in your chest, each breath felt like you were pulling glass into your lungs. This will pass…this will pass…

Logic never prevailed in these moments, sweeping you away on a flood of intrusive thoughts that had you sobbing. The heels of your hands dug into your eyes, trying to press the horrific images of dead clones and empty armour from your mind. You despised the fact you were here, surrounded by everything your friends were fighting to destroy and you couldn’t do anything. Nothing. You were useless. Trapped like a womp rat in a cage with nowhere to turn, the unknown pressing in from all sides.

Your breaths quickened, dark spots danced in your vision and the shower suddenly become suffocating. You didn’t even turn it off, spilling out from the cubicle to lay bare and wet on the floor as you shivered.

This hell was your life now. Who could say for how long.

You waited a few days. Staring at the greys walls in a blissful state of disassociation. You could barely bring yourself to eat, it all tasted like ash in your mouth anyway. Crying did nothing to alleviate the pressure in your mind, so you spent all the time trying to distance yourself from it.

Until the day Scorch came back.

His grey and sunshine yellow armour splashing across your eyes so harshly you had to squint for a moment. Something had changed. His presence felt darker, more threatening and you shrank away from him. “Up.” He demanded harshly through the vocoder. “Move.” The end of his blaster jabbed you in the shoulder and you felt that warm flare of anger spark in your gut. You held onto it, relishing in something that wasn’t lifeless and hollow within you. You quietly followed him down the corridor, eyes drawn to the double doors on your left. You could feel them, bright spots at the edge of your senses, as though they were just beyond your fingertips.

The red glow of the barriers made all the tiny hairs on your body stand on end, an uncomfortable feeling and one you wished would end as quickly as possible. Scorch led you out the other side, turning left this time and leading you to a turbo lift. The doors opened and the light sucking black armour of Niner was revealed, a shadow in the glaring whiteness of the lift. Scorch seemed to hesitate, a swift flare of frustration rose from him but he pushed you into the lift anyway.

Niner’s visor turned to look at you, the blue against the black was unsettling and you wrenched your gaze away to watch the lights on the lift display change. Scorch shifted beside you, seemingly adjusting his position as casually as possible, but then you sensed Niner tense up behind your shoulder. They were communicating within their helmets, much like the Batch could.

The lift glided to a stop and the door opened smoothly. “Move out,” Scorch practically snarled. You went first, stopping after a few paces when you realised you had no idea where to go.

A hand gripped your arm and you yanked yourself free. “Don’t touch me, di’kut.” Niner pulled back his hand, helmet tilting as he regarded you.

“Now where did you learn that word, verd’ika?” Your anger flared at the veiled insult in his tone but Scorch shoved you in the back.

“Enough. Don’t make me change my mind.” He wasn’t looking at you, his helmet facing Niner.

The shadow clad clone retreated a step, a sigh coming through his helmet. “Fine.”

You were still seething, making a note to take Scorch’s blaster and shove it where the sun didn’t shine, when a door a few meters away opened.

His blue eyes were like shards of ice. Now they narrowed, pining you to the spot and your steps ground to a halt. Doctor Hemlock’s presence rolled over your senses like oil slicks over water. Thick and cloying it muted everything, snuffing out your anger and replacing it with fear.

“So good of you to join us.” His voice was like a hydrosnake hissing in your ear. The unspoken threat of his menace, a shadow on every word and it had you wanting to flee in the other direction. “Escort her inside.” Hemlock turned and you had no choice but to follow, looking at the clasped hands behind his back. His black gloved hand flexed, clearly trying to ease some discomfort he suffered from.

The commandos flanked you, Niner on one side and Scorch on the other, giving you nowhere to run. As if you could anyway.

It took you a moment to realise where you were, but when you did, the dread raked forcefully down your spine. A chill permeated the air, filling you with something cold and lifeless that spread down your limbs. The room was larger than you thought, no mist shrouded your surroundings and the red glow was muted to the four large tanks on the edges of the platform. The machines you had seen in your nightmare were huge, not leaving much room to move around. Bulky and intimidating, the nearest one to you had dark stains near the straps and you swallowed down a nervous lump in your throat.

Hemlock looked around, like a man surveying a kingdom, his attention running over the tanks and for the first time you noticed the screens. Each one had a read out for the occupants vitals and your stomach flipped in disgust.

A presence loomed behind you as Niner almost pressed his armoured chest into your back. Clearly an effort to keep you in place. You’d rather take your chances with the commandos than you would the Doctor. His presence was twisted into something dark and ugly, something that screamed at you to run away.

“You have been holding out on me.” Hemlock turned slowly on his heel, his eyes running over the equipment until it finally settled on you. He cradled his gloved hand in the other, a weirdly vulnerable gesture coming from a man who held nothing humane within him.

The ability to speak had fled, Nala Se’s recent revelation about your origins, kept your lips tightly sealed. Trepidation made your insides quiver as he took a threatening step in your direction. He looked almost disappointed when you didn’t respond. “No curiosity?” He asked in that liquid velvet tone. “Where is the fire you brought with you?” He stepped closer, causing your heart to skip a beat and your breath to hitch in fear. He terrified you.

Hemlock hummed quietly in contemplation, so close now, you could taste the rank tang his presence gave you. The lines on his forehead were thrown into sharp relief, tracking like permanent scars across his skin.

“I have spoken to the Emperor, about you.” He spoke softly but you were not in danger of missing a single word. Still you kept your lips pressed together, watching him step even closer to you. You sunk into Niner, hating how the clone was stopping you from leaning away as Hemlock tipped his head towards you, bringing his face uncomfortably close. “He knows what you are.”

You trained your gaze over his shoulder, trying desperately not to react to the whispered words as they ghosted across your throat. “He has been watching you for a while now,” Hemlock continued, turning his face so he could gauge your reaction. “I have been granted permission to bring you to your full potential. I was told how invaluable you would be to our efforts here.”

“I will never help you!” The words were like acid, spilling from you in a rush. You were breathless, struggling to fill your lungs with air that didn’t make you choke.

“There she is,” he murmured, drawing close enough to brush his nose along your cheek for a brief second. When he stepped back you were helpless against the power of his clear blue eyes, reluctantly magnetising your own to them. He gave the smallest smile but it did nothing to soften the severe features of his face. “I apologise, for giving you the assumption, that you had a choice.” His gaze drifted and firm hands closed around your arms before you felt their intention to grab you.

Instantly you reacted, heaving your body in the hope one of the clones would lessen their grip, but it felt like you were fighting statues. They were rigid, their hold on you like beskar cuffs. Hemlock watched with a sick satisfaction in his expression, allowing you the illusion you could fight, when in fact you were as helpless as a babe. You tried to find something on the smooth floor to dig your heels into when the commandos moved you to stand beside one of the massive machines. Your heart was pounding in your ears as you eyed it, hoping your intuition was wrong.

“Do you know what these do?” Hemlock asked you, his tone mild and conversational. Again, you refused to answer. Blowing an exhale through your nose and glaring at him with as much hatred as you could muster. “This machine has the potential to reshape an individual, to wipe the slate clean, so to speak.”

A dull memory surfaced, one of a clone in a box. He had no name, no designation…he had been wiped clean. You tried again to shake off Scorch and Niner, even though your exhaustion was growing. You refused to be erased. To have your memory wiped until you couldn’t remember anything except what Hemlock told you. To lose what little shreds you had of yourself; the brief months of happiness with the Batch, with Tech, was soul wrenching. Tears teased the corners of your eyes and a small whimper broke free as you squirmed.

“You know what that means.” He looked pleased at your reaction.

“You can’t do this!” The smile that toyed with his lips became crueler.

“But I can. No one can stop me.” He backed away, curling his hands behind him as the triumph gleamed in his eyes. He gave a nod to the clones before turning away and some tether of anger forced you to speak.

“You are just another monster, in a long line of monsters,” you shouted. “Whatever you do to me, will not break me.” Hemlock’s shoulders flexed slightly, his hands gripped each other and you thought he was going to continue walking away.

He turned, a deep lined frown marked his brow, his eyes were so intense they almost glowed as they burned into you. He stepped forward and you automatically tried to shrink away, but Scorch and Niner still had a firm grip on your arms.

Hemlock sighed, heavily. The heat of his gaze tracked over your features, making you more nervous the longer he scrutinised you.

“I admire your sentiment,” he spoke softly, reaching out to run his fingers along the tense edge of your jaw. You jerked away, revolted by the feel of skin on yours, but he snatched at your chin with a bruising grip. “But you have never faced a monster, quite like me.” The volume of his voice did not changed but his words became harder, losing the pillowed edge he usually softened them with. “And, I can assure you…” he sucked in a breath, revelling in how helpless you were against him. “You will break.” His fingers pressed painfully into your cheeks, forcing your jaw to open. He watched you try to fight his grip, gaze trained on your mouth, a faint curl lifted his lip when he succeeded in causing enough pressure so you had to comply. “See?” Hemlock’s velvet tone teased your ears. “No one goes against me…” his eyes locked with yours. “And wins.”

The Doctor finally released your face, the sting in your cheeks a hateful reminder of how helpless he made you feel. “Put her in.”

Your body reacted. You had no idea what you were saying, words spilled forcefully from your mouth. Your feet left the floor, kicking and hitting whatever you could reach, but it did no good. You were pleased to hear Scorch grunt with exertion while he fought your legs into the bindings. Niner had a harder time with your arms as you arched your back and tried to find purchase on his armour with your fingers.

“Hu’tunn!” You screamed, spitting at Niner. You were too worked up to notice he froze beside you, or the way Scorch looked at him from the bottom of the machine. “Ni’duraa!” The bindings rattled with every jerk you gave, ignoring the pain as they lashed tightly against your skin. The tangy smell of blood reached your nostrils but you didn’t care. You just wanted out of this machine.

“A fascinating display,” Hemlock murmured. His soft voice cutting through the screaming chaos in your mind. Your entire body was pounding with each frightened pulse in your chest. Being restrained like this — trapped with no way of getting out — made your panic a living, breathing creature. One you thought you had left behind.

“Please,” you whispered through dry lips, eyes searching for Niner’s visor. Hemlock followed your gaze, his glacial eyes narrowing for a moment.

“You will remain here until you give me what I want.”

Your arms were still moving, shifting and slicing your skin on the restraints. Tears slid out of your eyes, wetting the inside of your ears.

“What do you want from me?” You cried out to Hemlock, desperate to be free while hating how pathetic you sounded.

He smirked, bending at the waist to lean over you slightly. “I want complete control over you.” Hemlock reached in, pressing his thumb in the middle of your forehead. “You have something hidden inside you that I want, a gift you will not acknowledge.” You tried not to sob, grinding your teeth against the urge to wail, ignoring the pain he was creating in your head. “You have secrets,” he breathed, clearly enjoying the reaction he was getting from you. “And they will belong to me, eventually.” You hiccuped quietly, eyes fluttering as the pressure between them vanished and he straightened. “Proceed.”

The machine hummed to life, causing your muscles to tense as you readied yourself for what was to come.

But no amount of bracing could stop the searing agony that ripped through your body, and stole who you were.

[fordoweek]

Masterpost | Rules | FAQ | Ask

FordoWeek2023 Prompts are here!

ALTERNATE PROMPTS (can be swapped or combined for any day!):

Time Loop; Human Experimentation; Desertion; Force Sensitivity; Lost in Space | Silence in Space; Touch Starved; Assigned Jedi.

@swfandomevents @clonefandomevents

Fordo Week 2023 Prompts in plain text:

DAY 1 (10/1): UNCONVENTIONAL WEAPONS DAY 2 (10/2): ARMORS AND STORIES DAY 3 (10/3): RECONDITIONING | DECOMMISSIONING DAY 4 (10/4): AGAINST ALL ODDS DAY 5 (10/5): OLD SCARS DAY 6 (10/6): GHOSTS AND CURSES DAY 7 (10/7): DOWNTIME Alternate prompts: Time Loop; Human Experimentation; Desertion; Force Sensitivity; Lost in Space | Silence in Space; Touch Starved; Assigned Jedi.

[cjorgens2022]

Imperial Tech

I am anticipating the 7th chapter of Aelfwynn’s Imperial Tech’s Observations and Analysis in the Galactic Empire. That alongside with Wwheeljack’s In The Name of Science is my inspiration to create and design my own Imperial!Tech who is calm, collected, stoic, businesslike, logically harsh, dutiful, confident, reasonable to an unnerving degree, sharp, persuasive, cold, practical, firm, determined, calculated, stern and brutally honest

[roseaesynstylae]

Star Wars: Republic Commando: Hard Contact, Chapter 2

"Clone personnel have free will, even if they do follow orders. If they couldn't think for themselves, we'd be better off with droids -- and they're a lot cheaper, too. They have to be able to respond to situations we can't imagine. Will that change them in ways we can't predict? Perhaps. But they have to be mentally equipped to win wars. Now thaw these men out. They have a job to do.

-- Jedi Master Arligan Zey, intelligence officer"

I'm going to add any of these...I'm not sure what these extracts at the beginning of the chapters are properly called, but I'll add them whenever they're interesting.

Zey's comment about the clones reminds me of the line from Andor. "We're cheaper than droids, and easier to replace." The difference here is that while clones are more expensive and harder to replace than droids, they're superior.

And yes, Master Zey, it did change them in unexpected ways.

"It didn't feel so bad to be revived after stasis. He was still a commando. They hadn't reconditioned. That meant -- that meant he'd performed to expected standards at Geonosis. He'd done well. He felt positive."

The implication that "under-performing" clones are brainwashed, at best, is one of the Traviss's additions that I genuinely like, emphasizing the cold detachment of the Kaminoans before they become prominent in the series. It's also just a terrifying idea.

"Darman was careful not to stare -- even though any eye movement was disguised by his helmet -- because Jedi knew things without having to see. His instructors had told him so. Jedi were omniscient, omnipotent, and to be obeyed at all times."

And here we see the official beginning of the Jedi-Bashing count. It's subtler here, but it keeps popping up in ways that are unmistakable in the context of the series' attitude toward the Jedi Order. In multiple cases, such as this one, lines that wouldn't make me bat an eye in a different book, (or more accurately, a different author), but make me grit my teeth here.

The way this specific paragraph is written is very similar to how I'd write a passage from the POV of a character who thinks the antagonist is a good person, or is brainwashed, but I want to make it clear what's really going on. Only in this case, it isn't portraying, say, a Sith cult, but the Jedi Order, which is devoted to helping others, enforcing justice, and studying the Force.

Jedi-Bashing: 1

"'This is your unit of four, then? A squad?' He seemed to be recalling a hurried lesson. 'Almost like a family?'"

This might be a stretch, but I'm not cutting this series an iota of slack when it comes to the Jedi Order. The implication here seems to be "Oh look, the Jedi have no idea what a family is! It's so unnatural and wrong, not like the good, wholesome Mandalorians!" Am I being petty? Maybe. Does Kal Skirata ranting about baby-stealers get really fucking old really fucking fast? Definitely.

Jedi-Bashing: 2

"'My squad called me Atin," the wounded commando said.

Niner glanced at Fi but said nothing. Atin was Mandalorian for 'stubborn.'"

Okay, this bit is just funny.

"Darman -- a soldier able to withstand every privation in the field, and whose greatest fear was to whither from age rather than die in combat -- felt inexplicably uncomfortable at the idea of a Jedi having failings."

Jedi-Bashing: 3

"Etain was neither a natural warrior nor a great charmer, but she was aware of her talent for spotting opportunities. It made up for a lot."

In this book, at least, I really like Etain. She's a good audience surrogate and her headspace is easier to get into than the other three narrators.

Jedi-Bashing: 3

Di'kut Count: 1

Main Post

[cortosis-ct]

Can you imagine what must have been like to be part of Krell's clone battalion, what it was like to have him as your general? We know how he's like. Krell doesn't care about the clones' lives. He wins. He's celebrated as a general. The senators and Jedi don't care about the casualties except the money that's going to waste. Krell brings results. They don't see what's behind those numbers.

Imagine a clone battalion that's stripped of all colors except the ones to indicate rank, blank white armor that's too battered to be a shiny's. A clone battalion where names start with CC and CT, where the men all have the same face, same hair. The only thing that differents them from each other are their scars. It's worse than Kamino. The men have learned to keep silent. They know the consequences of speaking up, have executed the ones who do with their own blasters. Who doesn't get court martialled gets reconditioned or decommissioned. Their lives are hard and miserable.

Krell doesn't care about his men except when he can make their lives worse. They don't only have the highest causality count, Krell's battalion is also the one with the most injuries, with the most troopers considered defect (because surely men like Rex or Fives would be declared defect by Krell) and most clones going AWOL. Imagine their pain. They are alone, they are mistreated. Nobody cares about them, they only care about the battles they win, about the cost of the constant replacement of troopers, but nobody cares about them or their pain or who they are. Many aren't even anybody. They believed the Kaminoans, they believe Krell. They are meat droids and everyone they are around thinks the same or gets reconditioned and excluded.

Krell doesn't care about them but he cares about making them believe that they are without worth. Imagine the only reason Krell gets assigned the 501st on Umbara is because his battalion is so decimated that they need to regroup the whole battalion. We also know that the troopers get sent out younger and younger as the war goes on.

Most of Krell's battalion must be nine or eight years old by the time Umbara happens. There is constant replacement through death and decommissioning. The senior troopers are few and become less. The younger clones die earlier because they are surrounded by other inexperienced troopers, because the men didn't have the time to get to know each other, because Krell enjoys to watch the shines die first.

[sadiecoocoo]

TCW: Dead From Your Poison

relationships - CT-7567 | Rex/Anakin Skywalker, CT-5597 | Jesse & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-5597 | Jesse & Anakin Skywalker, CT-21-0408 | CT-1409 | Echo & CT-7567 | Rex

characters - CT-7567 | Rex, Anakin Skywalker, CT-5597 | Jesse, CT-21-0408 | CT-1409 | Echo, Clone Trooper Hunter (Star Wars), Omega (Star Wars: The Bad Batch), Clone Trooper Wrecker (Star Wars), Clone Trooper Tech (Star Wars), Royce Hemlock

tags/warnings - Graphic depictions of violence, Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Clone Troopers Deserve Better (Star Wars), Clone Trooper Reconditioning (Star Wars), Post-Order 66 (Star Wars), CT-7567 | Rex Whump, CT-7567 | Rex Needs a Hug, Hurt CT-7567 | Rex, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Protective Anakin Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Mind Manipulation, Angst, past rape/non-con, implied/referenced rape/non-con, i'll put a TW on the chp, it happens pretty late and doesn't go into detail, but it's still there.

summary - It’s been over a month since the Empire took over and killed the Jedi. Over a Month Since Anakin had to leave Rex behind. The former Jedi only has two goals now, find Rex, and get him back. Though he never expected to find Rex a loyal soldier to the galaxy's greatest blight.

Or, time skip from the ending of Surrender Your Mind where Anakin is trying to find Rex and Rex is trying to kill Anakin… again :)

chapters - 4/12

current word count - 6,709

link -

Full Series - Surrender Your Mind

[momojedi]

You, a trained imperial assassin, are tasked to lead a new clone division brought to life by Royce Hemlock. The clones, a reconditioned kind, have no identity, no memories and seemingly nor personality aside from blind loyalty to the Empire.

Despite being initially taken back, you accept the request, accompanied by the mission to locate and retrieve Hemlock’s new target: a girl with great value to the Emperor.

So, you set out to search the galaxy, assisted by the division’s three most recent additions: a strict former commander who led one of the greatest legions during the war, a bitter rule stickler who carries his former Jedi general’s blood on his hands and an ex-commando whose nose is continuously buried in his datapad.

[multifandom-simp-page]

Just A Nightmare

Pairing: Cal Kestis x Fem!Reader

Word count: 3.2K

Summary/request: Reader has some trauma from recent empire reconditioning that she is scared to face, but Cal is determined to help her through it

Warnings: Angst, PTSD, nightmares, mentions of torture, mentions of blood, problem avoidance, contention, mentions of scars, mentions of being shot. I think that’s all?

This is a request from my friend, so here you go girly, please excuse any grammar or spelling mistakes l hate English.

You stared at the woman opposing you so close that you could easily reach out and touch her. She had a wicked grin and a shiver ran down your spine, her bright yellow iris’ felt as though they stared directly into your soul. The woman was you. 

A bone-chilling cackle rang out into the void around you and she leaned in close to your face, whispering a mere few words under her breath that made your heart drop to your stomach. 

“You can’t keep me away forever Y/N” 

Your eyes shot open with a start as your breath heaved from your lungs, you sat up in bed and placed a palm over your racing heart. You slid your legs over the side of your bed and leaned your elbows on them, dragging your hands over your face as you tried to calm your acute nerves. It was just a dream, it's okay, we escaped, she can’t get us anymore. You said under your breath as though trying to make yourself believe it. 

You inhaled sharply as you heard your blast door open to be met with a worried elder Jedi “You alright Y/N? Could hear you tossing and turning from the kitchen” she asked quietly as she leaned on the doorframe, crossing her arms. You huffed out a breath as you looked at your hands, picking up the dirt you’d accumulated under your nails from your earlier adventure. 

“Uhm yeah, just a bad dream I guess,” You looked up and gave her a weak smile, and she gave you one in return, you saw her glance at the sleeping night sister in the bed across from yours and motioned for you to follow her before turning and walking back down the hall of the Mantis. You stood and stretched your sore aching muscles and walked out of your shared quarters then down the hall following Cere. 

There was a dull pain in your thigh from where you had gotten shot earlier that burned while you walked, Cal had given you one of BDs stims after the encounter but the pain still lingered underneath the pink scar. 

You fell onto the plush couch in front of the holotable and rested your chin on your hand while rubbing over your sore thigh with the other. You looked out of the open Mantis door to see Bongano, they must’ve wanted to get off Zeffo after your and Cal’s encounter with that Inquisitor sister. You sighed as cere set a cup of some steaming beverage in front of you and then sat across from you with her own drink. 

You felt her eyes on you as you sipped the drink, you finally looked up and sighed. “Just say whatever you wanna say Cere,” You said and she laughed under her breath looking out at a bogling playing in the mud. 

She chuckled under her breath and sipped her drink again. “I was wondering about your exploring yesterday, Cal was brutally vague when I asked about it after he left you in your room,” She asked and your jaw clenched at the mention. 

“It was pretty good until the Inquisitor showed up, she was really annoying,” you said nonchalantly, as though she didn’t almost trigger a full-blown anxiety attack for you. 

Cere rolled her eyes and set her cup down to fold her hands together on the table “And you don’t think she might’ve caused your nightmare last night?” She asked hesitantly, knowing what it was like to go into the inquisitors reconditioning. 

You shot her a glare “Cere stop. We’ve been over this-” You were going to continue but you heard a blast door open. You looked over to see Merrin yawning as she walked down the hall, reminded that other people also were on the Mantis you closed your mouth. Merrin smiled as Cere scooted over to give her room next to her, she happily sat and smiled at you. 

“Morning Merrin,” you said curtly and returned her smile. 

She yawned again “Morning, Cal gone out already?” She looked to Cere, whom nodded. “And I assume Greez is sleeping?” She inquired as you gulped down the rest of your drink. 

Cere shook her head, “Actually he's outside, doing maintenance on the Mantis, said something about how we’re ‘gonna be the death of him with all this adventurin’” She quoted him and they both laughed, you stood up and smiled at them both. 

“Well If Cal’s gone out already I should go get some training in, would hate to have him show me up next time we spar,” you commented before excusing yourself to your room to get dressed. 

-

As you pulled on your shirt you heard a knock on the door, you looked over and made sure your shirt was on properly before speaking “Come in!” You said as you grabbed your lightsabre and clicked it on your belt, you heard the blast door open and looked over to see Merrin standing in the doorway. 

You smiled as you sat down on your bed to pull on some boots. “Hey Merrin, what's up?” She stepped into the room and walked to sit on her bed across from you. 

She sighed and you looked up at her, raising your eyebrow “Are you doing okay?” She asked nervously, as though she wasn’t allowed to know. “I know you didn’t sleep well last night,” she said and you smiled at her. 

“Yeah, but it's alright, it was just a nightmare, nothing I can’t handle,”  You slapped your hands on your knees and stood up “I'm sorry if I kept you up last night, and for making you worry” You smiled and she nodded before you left, walking back into the main room of the Mantis to find Cere still sitting where you last saw her. 

“Y/N please-” She started when she saw you but you hurriedly started walking down the ramp into Bogano’s warm humid air. 

“No Cere. I don’t wanna hear it” You spoke sternly as you heard her get up to follow you. 

She huffed as you stepped into the mud and she stopped at the top of the ramp, “Okay I get that, but Y/N please will you at least talk to Cal? He’s worried about you too, he told me you’ve been pulling away from the force since he came and rescued us from Nur” She pleaded to you as you continued walking away, refraining from answering her. 

-

When you were out of the Mantis’ view you stopped and sighed, lifting your hand to run it over your face. You pulled your hand away and looked down at your arms, you ran your other hand over the small pink scars that crawled down your arm like lightning. You shivered at the vivid memory of the feeling of being strapped to that cold chair. Feeling your body light on fire as the Second Sister instructed a droid to electrocute you every time you didn’t answer a question to her liking. 

As much as you hated it you knew Cere was right. You had been pulling away from the force since then, refraining from using your lightsabre unless absolutely necessary as well, which Cal had often pestered you about when you ended up in a tight situation. You knawed on your lip as you thought about how close you were to breaking, to abandoning everything you had been raised with just to stop the pain. 

Tears pricked your eyes as you thought of what Cal might think of your confession, he would probably get upset and talk some nonsense about how terrible they are. You felt dizzy as the thoughts overwhelmed you, so you sat down unceremoniously and crossed your legs, before resting your head in your hands and trying to calm your breathing.  

You huffed as you looked up to see a bogling scampering by and you smiled at the peace, you flexed your hand and sighed, ‘maybe I should meditate’ the thought flashed through your mind and you felt a tightness in your stomach. You knew you should, but It terrified you, the thought of having to face the memories, the darkness that threatened to consume you whole. 

You bit down on the inside of your cheek and placed your palms on your knees, remembering your padawan days when your master would make you sit for hours trying to teach you the art of force meditation. You almost laughed, you could practically hear the pestering motherly tone she used whenever you complained that you were going to fall asleep if you sat there any longer. 

You inhaled deeply, smelling the fresh soil around you. The smell reminded you of Cal, he always smelled like some mix of dirt, grease, and sweat with all the adventures he found himself on. You felt warmth bloom in your chest as you recounted all the time you spent together since Prauf introduced you to him on Bracca. All the trauma you helped him get through, and what he had helped you with in turn. 

You remembered how tentative he was to you that first night out of the facility, letting you stay in his room with him after not wanting to say alone in your room, seeing as how Greez and Merrin were on a run into a market for some supplies for the coming days. 

Images of the cold barren room flashed through your mind, causing your jaw and fists to clench. You could vividly recall the cold metal clamps holding you down as you thrashed against the empire's torture device. The feeling of your throat being so raw you could taste blood, and despite that fact, your screams and cries would still pierce through the air and echo around you. You shivered, falling into the memory. 

Pain. The burning sensation in every fiber of your being was the only thing you could think about. You knew you were screaming, you couldn’t hear it because of how loud your ears were ringing. But you could feel it. Your body thrashed against the device that held you down and sent violent shockwaves through your veins. You felt your chest heave as the pain subsided momentarily, and you heard the click of boots as someone paced in front of you. 

“Now, are you going to comply yet?” You heard the second sister sneer at you. A cough racked through you as you opened your eyes to the blinding light above you, you felt a coppery taste pool in the back of your mouth as you met the inquisitor's eyes, she stepped forward with a raised eyebrow. 

You choked out another cough and glared at her, “Go to hell” you retorted and spit a mixture of blood and saliva on the floor in front of her, she looked at the floor in front of her with a neutral expression, then back at you with a slight grin. 

“Very well, have it your way,” She said and turned on her heel, you didn’t get to watch her walk out the door before you were once again overcome with the all encompassing feeling of electricity coursing through you. 

You were pulled from the memory state when a hand grazed over your shoulder, your body moved before your brain could even comprehend what happened. In the span of about 10 seconds, you went from sitting to kneeling over someone's back with their hand pinned against their lower spine. 

You only seemed to realize it was Cal when BD jumped up on your shoulder and started beeping at you so fast you couldn’t understand him. You gasped and quickly clambered off of the ginger and started spewing words of apology. 

He sat up and laughed wiping mud off his hands and smiling sheepishly at you “Kriff If I’d known you were gonna do that I wouldn’t have tried to sneak up on you Y/N” he chuckled and watched as BD crawled off your shoulder and into your lap. “What are you doing out here anyway?” He asked with a soft smile playing on his lips.

You looked down at the droid in your lap and chewed on your lip “Just… thinking,” you said softly, and BD booped at you. 

Cal ducked down slightly to see your face and frowned “You should talk about it y’know,” He reached out and grabbed your hand from where it lay on your knee, he clasped your fingers in one hand and used his other to trace over the small scars you’d acquired through the years. 

You watched his calloused fingers brush delicately over your knuckles and then upwards over the new pink scars that dragged horizontally over your wrist and upper arm, and then traced back down on the vein-like scars that webbed down your forearm. A permanent reminder of how much they broke you. 

You sniffled as he kissed gingerly at your knuckles and looked up at you with a soft smile. “I know you hate looking at your scars, especially the ones from Nur. But they just show how strong you are, you survived and these show that” he said and lifted both his hand to place them on your face and pulled you to look at him. 

You laughed softly when you saw the determined look on his face to bring you out of the shell the empire had shoved you into. The look of pure love and admiration had you melting and you sighed, sniffling again. You felt guilty for being this way, you were supposed to be the strong one, the rock that grounded everyone around you. But now you just felt like a child, like you wanted to curl up in a corner and disappear from reality. 

You couldn’t be the rock anymore, and you didn’t know if you could make it past whatever this was. This was unlike anything you’d ever done before, even when you were alone after the purge and had to survive on your own. This threatened to consume you whole. You placed your hands on Cal’s wrists as you felt his thumbs lightly brush over your cheeks. Tears began to spill down your cheeks as you had to tear your gaze away from his. Instead, choosing to look down at your lap where BD stared back up at you, if droids could look sad then the way BD stared at you now would be the way to describe it. 

You choked out a sob as Cal shifted closer to you, pulling you into a warm embrace as BD scampered off your lap. Your hands balled into the fabric of his poncho at his sides as you rested your head on his chest. His arms wrapped around you, one of his hands on your lower back to secure you against him while the other cradled the back of your head. He placed soft kisses in your hair and allowed you to cry. 

He knew that things changed after Nur, he would be an idiot not to, but he also knew that your coping skills weren’t working and that the longer you waited to face the problem the worst it would become. He also knew that it was wrong to push you when you weren’t ready and that you would come to terms with it when you felt prepared. He's just glad he found you before you realized you couldn’t hold on to the false sense of peace anymore. 

You suddenly pulled away and looked up at him with teary eyes, you sniffled and started spewing nonsense “I'm sorry Cal- I thought I could handle it- a-and I-” you ranted, but he shushed you and he smiled sweetly, pulling the hand from behind your head to wipe stray tears off your cheek. 

“It's okay, you’re okay. I understand, and I’m here for you alright?” He spoke softly and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. You nodded and wrapped your arms around his neck playing with the collar of his poncho and the hairs at the base of his neck. You looked up at him to see him already watching you, with a small smile tugging on his lips. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the look on his face, his hair awry and muddy, the flecks of dirt littering his face, and best of all the infatuated look on his face. 

He couldn’t help but join in your contagious laughter even though a confused expression crossed his features “What!?” He cried out in laughter as you pulled him close to you again. His brows furrowed as he looked at the droid who stood idly by, who just beeped at him in similar confusion. 

“Nothing!” You hummed as you turned your head to look at BD as well, “Your just a dork Cal” you said and squeezed his midsection, you both laughed as he pulled your face back and smiled mischievously before leaning backward to lay down and pulling you with him in the mud. You squealed as he wrapped his legs around your waist to keep you pinned against him to pepper your face with kisses. 

“Yeah but I'm your dork!” He cheered as you tried to push him away. BD-1 paced around and beeped furiously, clearly not understanding what was happening. Your fit of laughter died down as you fell limp against Cal’s chest your ear resting over his heart, your eyes falling closed as he lulled you into a calm peace. His hand lightly rubbed up and down your back reassuringly and his heartbeat reminded you that he was here this time. That you didn’t have to do the hard things alone anymore. 

You turned your head to look up at him and smiled, seeing him look at the soft blue of Bogano’s sky. You smiled, lifting your hand to trace softly over his face, his eyes falling shut as your index finger ran over the scar across the bridge of his nose. 

You sighed and leaned down to place a kiss on his collarbone, and smiled letting out a soft “thank you Cal, I needed this,” You weren’t quite sure if he heard you at first, but when his hand on your back stopped its motions and squeezed you against him, you knew he heard you. 

His eyes opened slightly to smile at you once more, “I know” he said smugly and you sat up shoving off his chest and making him jump with a roll of your eyes. 

“Oh shut it you” You slid off him as you both started in a fit of laughter, his laughter died down as he sat up to give you puppy eyes. You don’t think you’ve ever rolled your eyes so hard in your life, but knowing exactly what he wanted you still leaned over to place a sweet kiss on his lips anyway. Your troubles fell into the background for the moment as you bathed in the radiance of Cal’s pure joy. You figured that those nightmares wouldn’t bother you again for a while, and if they did, you were sure your favorite Jedi would jump in to return the light to your soul. 

Damn, of course Cere was right, she always was.

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Hello! I hope you enjoyed it! And thanks so much to everyone who made requests I will get them posted ASAP! Have a blessed day or night, dear readers!