#SPOILERS: Don’t sacrifice or give up your wish for a life of comfort | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theemmtropy · 5 months

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Intertwined Spirits, a Gale x Transmasc!Tav fanfic

Summary: Gale wants you to know that he loves you for who you are, despite your body not aligning with how you feel inside.

Words: 1,753

Rating: T, fade to black

Warnings: Nudity, body dysphoria, mention of misgendering by other NPCs, spoilers for Act 2 of Baldur's Gate 3

Also available on AO3!

You’d already told Gale about how your relationship with your body was… strained. Yes, you were grateful to it for all it had carried you through. How it kept you up, kept you awake- and asleep, occasionally, when you needed it- and kept you functioning. But it was still a body that you weren’t comfortable with.

Elders would say you were “born into the wrong body,” but that wasn’t quite right. Your body wasn’t “wrong”, it was you, just as much as your heart, soul, and mind were. It was just that what was outside didn’t quite match with what was inside. Like if a bottle of wine had been labeled as beer.

Gale had understood exactly what you’d meant when you told him that your body was female, but your soul was of the masculine variety. He’d never seemed to be too preoccupied with any of the party members’ genders, but when he’d indicated a romantic interest in you, he made it clear that he liked you no matter if your gender matched the sex of your body.

Fighting in a binder was difficult, to say the least, and the constant traveling and setting up camp made it illogical for you to bind as much as you would like. Luckily, armor did a passable job hiding your form, so you didn’t have to deal with dysphoria as much as you did in regular clothes. Today had been rough, however, and you were feeling particularly disconnected from your body. Once you’d reached Last Light, you’d met several people who mistook you for a woman, and the exhaustion and depression from the Shadow Curse was just the icing on the cake.

It is now finally time to turn in for the day. You set up your tent, camp clothes hanging loosely from your body, your sweat turning cold from the chill of the shadows. Sensing a presence, you turn to see Gale- but not Gale? The shimmering outline around his body indicates that magic is obviously at play, and when he opens his mouth, his words confirm that this is some type of spell.

“Good evening! I’m here on behalf of Gale of Waterdeep. He wishes to extend you an invitation for a private conversation in a more suitable locale,” says the shimmering image of Gale.

“Very well, show me the way,” you reply, a smile edging its way onto your face.

“Gladly!” Continues the image. “Simply follow yonder path, and soon you will find him.” He gestures behind him, and you see footprints, glowing faintly blue, skipping their way towards a copse of trees that had been caught up in First Light’s protective circle.

You feel your mood lifting. Even in this dark and gloomy place, he somehow manages to delight you with all manner of magical creativity. Following the footprints, you eventually find Gale; he is sitting on the ground, surrounded by a swirling illusion of a lovely forest, a starry night sky, and an aurora lacing its way through it all. Upon sitting next to him, he turns to look at you.

“I’m so very glad you came,” he says, smiling. But his face has a hint of sadness. “I do hope you like what I’ve created- I made it as much for you as I did for myself. I wanted a moment of peace. Stillness. The dark of night, different from the shadows surrounding us. The darkness when lovers can be-” He stops, a bashful smile on his face. “I do hope to call us lovers. Despite the obvious ending that fate has decided for me.”

You take one of his hands in yours. “Gale, you don’t have to sacrifice yourself. Mystra’s demand is outrageous, and your life is your own.”

He pauses. Then, “I’ve thought a lot about my life. My death. As far as deaths go, the one presented to me is the most… logical.”

“But it’s not what you want,” you state. “You said you hope to call us lovers. Won’t you give us a chance to become such a thing?”

You see hope bloom in his expression, and he leans in closer. “Perhaps… perhaps I shall. Would you like to start tonight?”

You lean in to kiss him, long and slow. He is still disheveled from the day’s activities, his hair tousled, and you take the opportunity to lace your fingers into his locks, tugging gently. This prompts a whine from the back of his throat, and when he pulls away, he looks slightly embarrassed.

“If things were different, if we were home, I’d have taken the time to do things properly. To say it all better. But time is short.” He touches his forehead to yours. “I am in love with you.”

You sigh, elated to finally hear those words. “I am in love with you, too. Though that was probably obvious.”

He chuckles, a beautifully raspy, deep sound. “It fills me with joy to hear you say so. It would be a shame to spend my potential final hours making an ass of myself. I must admit, I have been thinking a lot about how I would woo you. How I would wow you. How I would bond with you in the way gods do. Intertwining our spirits in visions of the Weave. My soul, touching yours- our truest forms.”

You’ve been waiting for a chance to show Gale how much you love him, so you find yourself nodding along to what he’s saying, your smile easy and bright. “I would love to. I would love to do anything- everything- with you, Gale.”

He smiles back, then stands, lifting you with an outstretched hand as well. “Let us imagine, first, the perfect night in Waterdeep.” He waves a hand, and around you, the scene he has created shifts into his study- what he describes as the center of his universe. He creates the books, statues, piano, and eventually leads you out to a terrace overlooking the sea. There, you two sit on a bench, and he produces a thick book.

“This book here is called ‘The Art Of The Night,’” he says, and you see on the cover a faded scene of two people making love. “I have many books on topics such as this, but I believe this one to be the best suited for what I want to share with you. It describes the first thousand nights of a marriage between a king and queen, but it is not so straightforward as a man and woman sharing a bed.

“They turned everything they did into an art. The art of conversation. The art of taste, time-honored and newly acquired. The art of the body. The exploration and acceptance of the self and the other. It is for this reason that I chose it: I want you to know that I accept you, and that everything I give to you, I give to your body, mind, and soul. I see you for who you are- your struggles and your triumphs, your pain and your elation. I give myself wholly to everything you are.”

He opens the book to reveal two pages, each marked with a handprint and runes. “What do you say? Shall we take a page from this book?”

“That sounds wonderful,” you say enthusiastically. “But I don’t see a bed?”

“The stars will be our bed,” he murmurs. “Follow me.” Setting the open book in between you on the bench, he places his hand on the page closest to you. You follow suit, placing your own hand on the page closest to him, so that your arms are crossing.

You feel a gentle pulse of magic flow between you, and then there is the strange sensation of falling- no, not falling; floating. Gale raises his hand, and you see that it is glowing and translucent. His physical hand is still on the page, but it’s as if his spirit has risen out of his body, free to fly where it pleases. Then he takes your hand, and as he lifts you from your position, you realize you have also left your body behind.

You should be frightened, you think, but with Gale here, it doesn’t feel scary. It just feels… electrifying. And soothing. And refreshing. All at once. He pulls you up into the sky, the scenery changing once again to be a cosmos of stars, a sea of rippling lights and shadows. This, however, feels more real than any of his illusions, and that includes your body.

Looking down at your glowing form, you shout, an action that is translated into a pulse of light leaving your throat. You take yourself in, shocked and delighted to find that your chest has been reduced to that of a male’s chest. You also have the sex of a male, and reaching up to your face, you feel the faint impression of whiskers growing in on your jaw.

“Are you pleased, my love?” Gale asks, his voice an echo in your mind rather than words that can be heard.

“I’m beyond pleased,” you respond. “Did you know this would happen?”

“I had a theory it would,” he says, then wraps his arms around you, running his hands up and down your back. He seems to be simultaneously touching more places than he should be able to. “Our spirits take the forms that are truest to ourselves. I wanted to give you this time to be known as deeply- as intimately- as possible. There are endless worlds out there. Countless ways to declare love. Infinite ways to express it. Too much for one night… But we shall try.”

Seeing the mark of his orb glow faintly in his chest, you lean down to kiss it tenderly. You want him to know that you are not afraid of any part of him; not his past decisions, not his current predicament, and not his uncertain future. You do not fear him, you accept him, just as he accepts you. Kissing his lips, you begin to move your own hands all over his form, wanting to show him just how much you love him.

As the two of you spin through the stars, finding both comfort and ecstasy in each other’s souls, you are assured of one thing: Gale loves you, cherishes your body, no matter what form you are in. Feminine body or masculine soul, healthy or wounded, clean or dirty- Gale loves you for who you are, and you feel the same way about him.

#bg3 gale #gale x tav #gale x reader #gale fanfic #my stuff #gale of waterdeep #bg3 #bg3 fanfiction #baldur's gate 3 #transmasc reader

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crazycookiecrumbles · 2 years

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His Sacrifice (3)

Masterlist

A/N: MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS SPOILERS **last part to this 3-part miniseries***

side note: yes, Daniel is a real restaurant. No, totes never gone. I’m just going by pictures and making shit up

Pairings/Characters: Stephen Strange x Stark!Reader, Christine, Charlie, America Chavez

Warnings: curses, swears, some fighting, angst I GUESS

Summary: Your life is definitely in better shape than it was before you had seen Stephen, but there’s still something missing.

Previous: His Sacrifice (2)

Staying in the Sanctum had grown to be a bit of a comfort for you. You had grown accustomed to Stephen’s greetings in the mornings, the way Wong was always in and out because of his travels, resulting in him walking in, stealing Stephen’s food, and taking a portal out before Stephen had a chance to steal it back. It amused you greatly, especially the fact that there was someone else out there who could somewhat humble Stephen.

America was in the Sanctum very often as well, usually, she was hiding around somewhere thinking that the sorcerers had no idea she was there. Between them and their magic, and your ability with vibrations, you all knew she was secretly staying here, you just decided to let her be. In fact, oftentimes you’d find America when you were alone, and you realized she was finding a reason to just suddenly ‘pop in’ and drag Stephen in with her and coax the two of you into talking to each other.

You caught America in the Sanctum once again. She was looking around your usual haunts for you, and you appeared behind her very suddenly and scared her half to death. She clutched her chest and leaned against the wall panting heavily, “Dios mio! Why did you do that?”

You smirked and crossed your arms over your chest as you leaned against the wall as well, “Why are you looking for me?”

She chewed on her bottom lip and shrugged both shoulders, “I don’t know…”

“America.”

She dragged her toes across the ground and tucked her foot behind her ankle as she stared at the ceiling for a moment before meeting your gaze, “I heard Stephen was coming back soon, and I was just looking for you to — “

“To be near him when he returns?” You inquired. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Why?”

“No reason in particular.”

“America, as someone raised by a liar, I’m quite good at sniffing out lies. What are you planning?”

America sighed heavily and threw her arms in the air, “Okay! I give up. Okay. You and Stephen have to be together, and I’m trying to get you guys together!”

You smiled softly and shook your head, “That’s not going to happen, but that’s very sweet of you —“

“No, no, but it has to and it does happen! You two are meant to be together. I can’t tell you how many times, how many Stephen’s and Y/N’s I met that were together and in love, and, and — “

“And how many Y/N’s lost their Stephen?” You asked her quietly, watching as her shoulders sunk and her eyes were drawn down, “Or Stephen’s lost their Y/N’s? I—I won’t do that again. I lost Stephen twice now, when he died, and when I wished he was dead. If…if something happens between Stephen and I, and I lose him again? Well, this planet would never see it coming,” You explained as you took a deep breath and nodded to yourself, like you were reassuring yourself of your decision. “I can’t be with Stephen. It’s, it’s not safe for, uh, anyone.”

Through narrowed eyes, she pushed off the wall and walked towards you. Her fists were clenched tightly and rested on her hips as she glared at you, “Not safe for anyone, or not safe for that heart of yours that you’re too afraid to break?”

Before you could even form a response to counter this too-wise of a child, you could hear the familiar sounds and saw the golden sparks of a portal opening. Stephen stepped through, covered in a green goo that made the two of you look at him and take two large steps backwards. Stephen rolled his eyes as he stepped in and the portal closed behind him, “Don’t mind me, I’m fine. I’m not covered in Darghulakk slime at all.”

“Don’t know what that is, don’t want to know,” you replied.

“I know what it is. They’re gross. They have six eyes, very weird,” America said, watching the goo drip down Stephen’s body and smack against the hardwood floor. “Yeah, this is disgusting. I’m leaving.”

“Good, maybe all my food can stop disappearing,” Stephen quipped as he watched America make a very shaky portal back to Kamar-Taj and disappear through it.

You cleared your throat, “I was the one that actually ate all of your thick-cut bacon from the butcher, so —“

“Oh, I know. He still reminds me how quickly you went through four pounds of it.”

“We don’t need to talk about that — “

“Your cardiologist was baffled as to why you haven’t had a heart attack yet, and, quite frankly, I’ll still get calls from him asking if it’s as much of a medical marvel as I think it is. So —“

“Okay. You’re very funny,” You held your hand up to silence him while he grinned and nodded in agreement with you, goo flying off of his head. “Please go clean up. You look absolutely disgusting.”

Stephen looked down at the mess he made and waved his hand, a mop and bucket coming flying towards him to clean up the mess he made, a spell he usually did because it reminded you of Fantasmic. He looked to see if you were amused by this, and you had the same smile on your face as you did every single time he had done it in front of you. Stephen cleared his throat , prompting you to look away and up at him, “Before I clean up, I just, well…Christine invited us to dinner with her husband Charlie. Something about me running out of her wedding before we could meet, and you avoiding her for the last few years.”

You huffed, “You said yes already, didn’t you?”

“Yup.”

“You did that annoying thing that you do where you assured her I’ll be there?”

“Yup.”

“And she was annoyingly positive and happy about it, wasn’t she?”

“Yup.”

You pouted and opened your mouth to yell at him, say it wasn’t his place to speak for you, but you shut your mouth and exhaled slowly. “What’s the dress code?”

“Charlie made a reservation for Daniel.”

You whined and started to turn around and walk towards the bedroom you had been staying in since you arrived at the Sanctum. Stephen followed you, waiting to hear all about your desire to not go to that restaurant. He could see this coming from you a mile away. He practically had this speech memorized.

“I hate Daniel!” You said, arms flying into the air. “Their portion sizes are smaller than a clit, a clit, Stephen!”

Okay. That was a new one.

“Smaller than a clit, Y/N, really?”

“Yes! I mean, who doesn’t want a clit in their mouth, but, like, I need a full actual meal before that otherwise I’d cannibalize some poor woman’s clit and wow this really got away from me, didn’t it?”

“You went on a tangent that even your father would’ve been shocked at,” Stephen said very honestly, which, rather than making you burst into tears, caused you to reflect for a moment before slowly nodding in agreement with him. Stephen chuckled and reached out to grab your hands, that were still in the air, and lowered them as he turned you around. “Don’t worry. Christine knows you hate that place too, he’s just really excited to go there because he’s been trying to get a table for years.”

“He name-dropped you, didn’t he?”

“Very quickly, apparently,” Stephen chuckled. “Look, Christine knows you hate that restaurant, she’s trying to get him to change the reservation, but, if not, I will get you the biggest, juiciest, cheesiest burger with fries you’ve ever seen in your life after sitting through dinner with her very excitable little Labrador of a husband. Okay?”

Shutting your eyes, you nodded and squeezed his hands, “Yes, Stephen. This is why I love you. You get me.”

There it was. The very thing you had dreaded on saying since you had made peace with Stephen Strange. You had worked tirelessly from ever thinking those words again, and when you couldn’t stop your brain from screaming it, you worked to make sure it never left your lips. Now you stood before Stephen, eyes wide in terror as you realized what you had done, watching as Stephen’s breath hitched and he stood there frozen like a popsicle.

What could you say to this? You couldn’t correct yourself. He very obviously heard what you had said. You couldn’t figure out a way to walk this back, which was saying something, considering that you were an absolute genius and usually always had a solution for something. There was nothing you could say in this moment that could undo the fact that you had told Stephen that you love him. It wasn’t in the past tense, you never said ‘used to love you’ you said that you still love him, and you were dying inside.

Without saying a word, you spun around on your heels and ran to the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind you as though that could even keep him away if he really wanted to get in. Stephen stood there for a moment processing what you said, the tone, how quickly it came out, and the fear on your face. It was obvious that you were still in love with him, still had feelings for him like Stephen hoped you did.

But, really, what could Stephen Strange do?

He could see it in your eyes. The look on your face after you admitted you love him was a look of pure terror. He was certain it was just a feeling of regret, of past feelings rising to the surface just because it was something he used to do for you after those stuffy, fancy dinners either one of you had to attend where the food either wasn’t good or wasn’t enough. That’s what it was, that’s what it had to be, right?

However, he really, really wished that wasn’t what it was. Stephen yearned for you. Letting you think he killed Tony because he hated him, it absolutely killed him, but he thought you needed someone to blame, something to help you heal, and it didn’t. Now, this was the closest he’d been to you since Tony’s death. He was a different man from before, and, god, how he wanted to show you that every moment of every day. Stephen wanted to give you the world, and he could very well do that. Stephen just wanted you, but if admitting he was still in love with you, that all he wanted was you would put this much fear into you and risk you running away, then he was content in suffering in silence, so long as he at least had your friendship.

~*~

This was so much more difficult than either of you thought. You both surprised the other with your outfits of choice. You hadn’t seen Stephen in a suit in years and he somehow looked more divine than you could ever remember. Stephen hadn’t seen you dressed and dolled up in just as long, having only seen you in sweatpants and giant shirts, if there were even any pants involved, and this? This was truly a sight to behold.

“You are a vision, Y/N,” Stephen said quietly as he admired you from head to toe. “You clean up very well.”

You shrugged a shoulder, cheeks burning as you looked down at your shoes and did a little kick to show them off, “I still got it, I guess. You, um, wow, new suit?”

“Same tailor, yeah,” Stephen agreed, clearing his throat as he smoothed down his front. “I don’t, uh, I don’t think he could make anything as beautiful as you, though.”

Somehow the burn went from your cheeks, down your neck, your chest, and even under your arms as the temperature unbearably increased and you wanted to drown yourself somewhere, “Just open that portal, Stephen.”

He nodded once, “Yes, ma’am.”

With a casual flair that stunned everyone outside of the restaurant, you and Stephen stepped through the portal. He loved doing that. It was one of his favorite tricks, and having all eyes on him, having all eyes see you on his arm? He relished it. He savored it and how people stared at him in envy.

That is, until, he saw them start to lean over and whisper as eyes locked onto you.

“They’re talking about me,” you murmured as you stepped closer to Stephen. “I think camera phones are coming out.”

“No one has seen you unless from a distance at that tower, sweetheart,” Stephen murmured. With a wave of his hand, the phones turned into butterflies and flew from people’s hands as you both entered the restaurant. “They’re just in awe of you.”

“Sure, that’s what it is.”

“I know I would be,” Stephen said, eyes looking around as he ignored the front desk and spotted Christine and her husband. “I see them.”

“Ah, game face,” you cleared your throat and turned to the host to specify you were there to meet some people, and they looked in awe to see two superheroes standing there. Stephen rolled his eyes and said they could find the table themselves as he took your hand in his and led you away. “You’re being rude, Stephen.”

“No, if he gawked at you any longer, he would’ve died of dehydration,” Stephen replied as you approached the table where Charlie and Christine stood up to greet you both. “Be nice.”

“I should say that to you,” you whispered quickly to Stephen just before Christine approached with a smile, “Hey, congratulations.”

Her arms came around you quickly in a warm embrace, a smile tugging at her lips as she squeezed you tightly, “It’s so good to see you again, Y/N. I’ve missed you! You look amazing.”

You bashfully hugged your friend, her hair tickling your nose as you returned the sentiment, “I missed you too, Christine.”

“And this is Charlie,” Stephen said a little urgently. You and Christine pulled away from each other to see an uncomfortable Stephen and an overly excited Charlie.

“Lovely to meet you too! Huge fan, huge!” Charlie beamed as he hugged you quickly.

“Oh,” You looked to Stephen and Christine who were too amused with your anguish at the moment, “Fun.”

“Sit, sit, join us, I’ve been dying to try this place!” Charlie cooed as he sat down, pulling Christine’s chair while Stephen pulled out yours. “I’m so excited to finally talk to you both! Christine has talked so much about you, and, of course, I’m a huge fan.”

You glanced to your right to Stephen, who offered you a reassuring smile, even though his eyes sparkled with mischief. You slowly shook your head at him and returned your attention to Charlie, who started to coo about how cool the Avengers were and the things he’d seen you guys do were unreal.

At one point, Charlie paused to offer his condolences about Tony, and thank you on his behalf. Christine and Stephen had watched you with bated breath to see how you’d react. Instead of breaking down like they had feared, you had thanked Charlie for his kind words and changed the subject.

Just before dessert, Charlie excused himself to the restroom, leaving the three of you alone. Christine sighed happily as she leaned forward and stared at the two of you, “I’m so glad you two are back together, nothing makes me happier. I’ve really been rooting for you guys.”

You choked on your wine while Stephen quickly caught Christine’s eye and shook his head ever so slightly. Christine looked confused by this reaction from the two of you. You set your glass down and coughed a little bit, “We um, we aren’t together.”

“Oh, oh, um, sorry,” she laughed nervously. “Sorry. I just….you two look amazing together, like, better than before. I thought you had worked things out —“

“No, um, we’re not, no,” You shook your head and stared down at your lap as Charlie returned.

Charlie clapped his hands together, “Onto dessert now, yeah? That, um, that pear tequila foam over the lavender sorbet sounds divine.”

You slowly turned to look at Stephen, your chest filling with air as you sucked in deeply and tried not to shout about the tiny clit-sized portions. Stephen sipped his wine, smirking behind the glass as he reached under the table and patted your thigh.

You missed that.

You missed the soft touches on your leg under the table, his hand resting over yours, how Stephen always pushed your hair back for you when it was in the way, the way he would pull you onto his lap or pull you into bed with him. You missed your intimacy with Stephen, but you were too scared of the ‘What If’s’ that waited.

While you were just about to dig into dessert, you decided to bring up another topic that had been bothering you since you heard about dinner that evening, and since, well, you couldn’t stop thinking about Stephen, you needed to force something different on your mind.

“Christine, I’m sorry I didn’t go to your wedding, and I’m….I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you the last couple of years.”

Christine lowered her spoon to look at you. With a soft smile on her face, she nodded, “It’s okay, Y/N. I’ll admit, I was sad you didn’t come to the wedding, but I understand. I’m just happy to see you out and about again. We’re good, Stark, don’t worry.”

The two of you smiled at each other, Charlie commenting this was a precious moment while Stephen said nothing. Charlie was right, this was a precious moment. You were doing so much better now than you had been the first time Stephen had seen you. You were dealing with your life and loss and you finally resembled the woman he had fallen in love with before.

After dinner, the four of you said your goodbyes with a promise to see each other once again, Charlie commenting that he’d love to go to Stark tower one day. You said nothing but smiled and nodded to him as the two went in one direction. You looked up to Stephen who shook his head and said, “He’s endearing yet obnoxious.”

“Like the world’s most annoying dog,” you sighed. “I’m starving.”

“I figured you were,” Stephen extended his arm to you for you to grab on to. “Shall we?”

“Yes, please. I —“

Suddenly, interrupting your lovely night out, you heard a terrifying screeching noise. It looked like the world in front of you was tearing as a light blue crack appeared in front of you. It stretched open as a terrifying beast with six eyes, green goo dropping from its mouth and eyes came through. Seeing the amount of eyes, you realized it was what Stephen had been fighting earlier in the day, a Darghulakk. Three tentacles like knives stabbed into the earth as he exited the portal. Two short, stubby, claws for arms held the portal open as it finished coming through, all eyes locking on Stephen.

“Okay,” Stephen cleared his throat as he grabbed his cloak from his breast pocket and shook it out before placing it on his shoulders. “So I didn’t kill it.”

“Stephen — “

“Watch out!” Stephen threw his cloak to you, the cloak wrapping around you and flying away with you quickly while Stephen was running backwards, hurling spells left and right as the beast came at him.

Stephen was smacked by one of the tentacles and thrown into a building. He hit the ground hard but managed to jump back just as a tentacle would have pierced his abdomen. Instead, it hit the ground between his legs and broke through the concrete. Stephen stood up to run and make space, but the beast’s tongue shot out and wrapped around him tightly, lifting him into the air as it shrieked and prepared to eat him.

Was this it? Was life really so cruel that it would take Stephen away from you like this? Just when you were becoming comfortable with the losses you’d suffered, finally managing to deal, cope, even live a little, and life was here to quite literally rip Stephen from your grasp.

Before Stephen could free himself, he heard a clap. The monster suddenly stilled. No noise came from it. Stephen watched as the head slowly slithered off of its neck before hitting the ground. The rest of the body collapsed, Stephen did as well, and he quickly freed himself.

Standing behind the creature was you, a dark look on your face as you stared at the monster’s corpse. Your hands were outstretched in front of you, laying flat on top of one another showing that you were the one that had clapped. Stephen stood up and walked towards you quickly over the monster’s corpse.

“Y/N?”

“It was going to eat you,” you said quickly, eyes focused on the body. “It was going to eat you, Stephen, and I couldn’t lose you again.”

“Y/N —“

“I haven’t fought anything or anyone since Thanos,” you confessed. “Wanda was the first time I had intentionally used my powers. I didn’t even know I still could, but let’s be honest, that wasn’t really a fight. And then I saw this monster and I saw you and I didn’t think I just did it. I didn’t think I could do this. I clapped and sent a targeted vibration to its neck and cut its head off. Separate the head from the body and it’s dead. It’s dead. You’re not dead.”

“I’m not dead,” Stephen repeated slowly as he lowered your hands and stood in front of you. “I’m okay. I’m here. I’m not dead.”

“You’re not dead,” you repeated slowly as you focused on your breathing. “You’re not dead.”

“I told you, I’m not going anywhere, Y/N. Nothing will keep us apart. I promise you, not a witch, not some gross, ugly monster, nothing. I’m here with you for however long you’d have me,” Stephen confessed.

You looked Stephen over from head to toe. He was fine. There were scratches on him, some dirt, but he was fine.. He was standing there alive and well. He wasn’t a pile of dust. He was alive and well and you had forgiven him about Tony.

Stephen was here, in front of you, staring down at you and waiting to see what you’d do or say next. For someone he had known for so long being in control, and so sure of herself and headstrong, these last few years had shown such a vulnerable, unsure side of you and right now, Stephen didn’t know what to do.

Stephen was fine. He was fine, and you were fine. Everyone was fine and alive, but you two didn’t seem to be living. You were forbidding yourselves from the pleasures of one another, forbidding yourselves from acting out your deepest desires out of fear, fear of moments just like this that could take away something you loved in an instant.

You know who was living? Christine. She was living her best life, an incredibly successful surgeon, a magical marriage to a man she was head over heels in love with, Christine was happy, living, not held back by fear of loss or what may come in the future. She was living in the present, letting herself be filled with unadulterated happiness.

“I don’t want to lose you, Stephen,” you said quietly as you finally looked up to meet his gaze. “I can’t lose you.”

“I know, sweetheart,” He said quietly as his hands came up to cradle your face. “You haven’t lost me. I’m right here. You saved me. I’m fine.”

“And I won’t lose you,” you told him. “I just won’t.”

He didn’t know where you were going with this, “Okay. That’s okay. You won’t. You have me.”

Unable to hold yourself back anymore, you reached out to grab Stephen’s robes. You yanked until he stumbled forward and nearly fell on top of you. You desperately mashed your lips against his, those familiar feelings of old romance washing over you as heat flooded your veins.

Stephen’s hands came around your back and pulled you close, partially to deepen the kiss, partially to stabilize himself after nearly falling and crushing you. His eyes crinkled as it felt like a shock hit his chest, a blooming feeling overtaking him from the middle as he wondered if this was really happening.

When Stephen opened his eyes, you were standing, lips parted, panting as you nodded to him, “I’m not losing you again, Stephen Strange.”

Relief washed over him as he smiled, “You’ll always have me, Y/N Stark.”

#stephen strange #stephen strange x reader #stephen strange x stark!reader #stark!reader #his sacrifice #final part #crazycookiecrumbles #doctor strange #doctor strange x reader #doctor strange x stark!reader

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greenygreenland · 3 years

Text

Dream A Little Dream Of Me: Norman x Reader

-MANGA SPOILERS! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

-NOTE: YOU’RE BOTH AGED UP SO DON’T START TELLING ME FBI’S GONNA COME TO MY DOOR 😂😂

-THE TIMELINE IS A BIT MESSED UP SO JUST IGNORE IT COMPLETELY AND DON'T ASK ME LOL

-also, is it just me or do thick eyebrows look really cute??? Norman has pretty thick brows compared everyone else and I think they're cute

WARNINGS: Kissing lol

Summary: You finally see Norman again.

Life had to be the scariest thing you'd ever faced. It threw the bad, the good, the everything your way until you could barely stand. Until you were left broken and mangled and shattered. Life was scary. It was cruel. Yet somehow, today was different.

You thought it was a dream. After all, how could it be reality when the boy in front of you died a year and some months ago? He had been shipped out, left for dead because it was a part of his stupid escape plan.

So how was it he stood before you? Breathing? Smiling? Living?

The office door closed behind you with a soft click. It bathed the room in silence, as if for a moment, the world decided to give you a second to breathe. A second to take in the wonderous sight before you.

The boy's name stuck in your throat. He had changed, not only in height, but stature and appearance. Norman was older, and he grew up to be more handsome than any runway model could ever be.

"(Y/n)," he gently said. "I'm glad you're well."

That was all it took. One sentence and you tackled him in the tightest hug your trembling arms could muster. "Norman...!" To have his arms around you, to hear the beating of his heart--it was a relief. A miracle sent by the gods. "You’re so stupid!"

No, he was more than stupid. He had to be the dumbest boy alive to think that it was okay to sacrifice himself for the sake of your family. You all were supposed to escape together just like Emma said. No one was supposed to be left behind, yet Norman--bless his heart--acted on his own.

You hugged him as if he would disappear if you let go. "We were all supposed to leave together. But you--I thought you--shipped out--and then--!" You chocked on your words. What more could you say anyway?

You buried your face in the crook of his neck. The muffled sob that ripped through your throat was more than Norman could handle. His knees went weak and you both slowly sunk to the floor in a heap.

"I'm here." he gently said. "I'm not going anywhere (Y/n)."

Despite the steadiness in Norman's voice, his shoulders hitched, and he sniffled. "I'm here." he repeated. "I-I'm here." It sounded like he were reassuring himself that he wouldn't leave you so soon, as if he were scared too. Not for the way you sobbed and sobbed, but for the ache in his heart that seemed to beat in sync with yours.

Slowly, your sobs turned to quiet sniffles, which then silenced into nothing but tiny hiccups. You basked in Norman's warm embrace. He didn't hold you too tightly, as if he were afraid it would shatter you to pieces. Instead, he pulled you close to his side and leaned on his desk behind.

You rested your head on his chest, taking the time to memorise his scent. Parchment, the woods, and old books. You liked that, it was comforting to know he still smelled the same. On the other hand, his voice wasn’t as smooth or rounded as it once was. It was icy. No one seemed to notice that tiny sharpness that hit the end of each note he spoke. You wondered what could've made his kind heart harden.

Sure, Norman was still the same Norman you remembered, but something about the way he acted seemed off. He was clingy, much more than he ever was. Maybe he just missed you? No, that couldn't be right. Norman acted as if he were running out of time. He held you close and gently, as if these would be the last moments you'd see each other again. As if there wouldn't be a tomorrow.

You slowly pulled away to get a good look at Norman's face. His chin was slightly pointier, his cheeks less chubby and full. His lips twitched upwards into a comforting smile. It didn't quite reach his eyes because he looked so overwhelmingly tired. Your poor boy probably worked day and night to keep the hideout on its feet. It must be hard on him, you thought. Especially since he was revered as a god.

Norman's brows raised. "What's wrong?"

You took his thin hands in your own and gave them a good squeeze. "It's nothing. What about you?"

Ah yes, small talk. The perfect way to avoid any question thrown your way. Norman knew you well, sometimes even more than himself. When you asked simple questions such as these, that meant your mind laid elsewhere in a land he could never reach. Norman took that as a hint to drop the subject.

For now.

He wondered what invisible weight laid on your shoulders. Was it something as heavy as his? Perhaps your weight was worse and it ate away at you. Norman wished he could take that weight away and relieve you of that pain. He'd carry it all if he could, and it didn't matter to him if he'd die trying. This was you he was thinking about. He'd do anything for you.

"I've been okay," Norman vaguely responded. "But I have been busy, so I find it difficult to sleep sometimes.”

Norman liked to be honest, but you knew it was because that helped him figure out what was wrong with you. It was a game of tag. In this case being 'it' meant figuring out each others' worries through a back-and-forth match.

"You haven't been sleeping enough?" Your voice came out rather quiet as you traced invisible circles over the back of his hands. "Is that because you have so much work? Or do you refuse to get help?" Norman sat in a still silence and you sighed.

Of course.

This was your Norman after all. He always shouldered a burden too big for his shoulders to carry. It was always something so heavy, so terribly hard to balance by himself. If that burden grew any bigger, it would collapse, and that would be his downfall. But you wouldn't let that happen to your Norman. No, no, no. You'd take that burden from him, steal it if you had to, and be his crutch.

"What have you been doing here?" you quickly added. "As 'William Minerva', I mean?"

Norman looked unbearably uncomfortable. That little frown tugging at the edge of his lips was a tell-tale sign. “I’ve been getting a lot done." he carefully said. "In fact, I’ve figured out a way to end this. Once and for all.”

Norman began by explaining the first phase of his plan. The first phase had long been in motion. It started with the indiscriminate burning of cattle facilities, then the gathering of information, and continued on to pave the way for all the other phases you didn’t care to hear about.

The first few steps weren't too bad, but the final act in Norman's plan made your skin crawl. You half-wished you hadn’t asked him anything to begin with. Maybe it would have spared your appetite. Your grip on his thin hands loosened and loosened until your hands rested on your lap.

Norman wasn't so little anymore. He had grown up just a bit, but not in the way you wished to see. How could he think of something so cold-hearted and cruel? The extermination of all demons in Neverland was an act of genocide. If you re-called correctly, it was also considered a war crime.

Norman was smarter than that. He understood the consequence he'd have to face if that were the path he walked right? He understood that there were still other options right? Maybe you heard him wrong.

No.

You had to have heard him wrong. Norman wasn't ruthless like that. He was a ball of sunshine that made you smile whenever you were together.

"I see..." You tightly smiled. "So that's your plan on freeing everyone?" Norman nodded with a seriousness that took you back to the time he left everything to you and Ray and Emma.

You weren't mistaken then. Norman truly meant everything he said.

"Yes, that is my plan. It's been taking me a little longer than expected to set it in motion. I've decided to officially start tomorrow."

Tomorrow?

Your breath hitched. "Don't you think that's a bit hasty? What if...what if something goes wrong?" Norman smiled. It was hollow and wry and everything that he wasn't. "Don't worry. Fortunately, I've always been pretty good at getting what I want." You didn't return the smile, and you didn't want to say why.

Norman was quick to catch on. But of course he would catch on so quickly, this was Norman. Your Norman.

"Do you have a problem with my plan?" he inquired. You shook your head. "No, it's...it's not that." Yes, it was that. Your plan is dangerous even if it is good, you thought. Innocent lives wouldn't be spared, and that would spell an unfair fate for the demons who ate to survive.

You wanted to tell Norman why his plan was wrong, and why he didn't have to be so unforgiving about it. But then what? Why would he listen when you didn't have any better ideas? He seemed to have his mind set anyway, so no half-baked ideas would make a difference. And besides, he was the smartest person you knew. Maybe that was the only way out of the terrible fate all you cattle children faced.

"If you're okay with my plan," Norman said, "then what's bothering you (Y/n)?"

"It's still a lot for me to take in," you admitted with a plastic smile. "I guess I'm just shocked that you're, well, here." Norman smiled, this time with a genuine warmth. "I understand." He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. "I'll see you at dinner."

Your cheeks burned. How bold of him. "Y-yeah, I'll see you at dinner." Norman let out a cute little chuckle that made your heart beat a little louder than it was supposed to. You hauled yourself off the floor and made your way to the door. Norman followed.

You flashed him a nervous smile, one that mixed in with your muddled worry and anxiousness. You glanced at his bright eyes. For a moment, they seemed to dim like the setting sun. It reminded you of Mama. When no one looked at her, she didn’t smile. She always looked so sad when she sat by herself, and maybe that was because she was.

"(Y/n)?"

Your fingers brushed against the doorknob. “Hm?”

"I want nothing more than to protect you and our family. I know you don't fully agree with me," his expression darkened. "But this is the way--the only way we can save everyone without spilling a single drop of blood."

For a moment, you forgot who you were speaking to. This wasn't the same boy you begged to run away with before he got shipped out. This wasn't the same boy who gently tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and sweetly complimented you. This boy--did you truly still know him? Was he still the Norman you grew up with and fell head-over-heels for?

You blinked and that dark look washed itself off his face. He strode up to you and placed a hand on your cheek--just like the day he was supposed to be harvested. Norman’s eyes were soft, softer than any blanket, and his lips pursed into a gentle frown. With his thumb, he wiped a stray tear away.

Why were you crying?

"Norman..." You couldn’t find the right words. There were none that could explain the suffering you endured in silence. You worried, not only for Norman, but your family and all those other people in the world you didn’t know about. Norman’s plan--oh how stupid it was--had it changed him? Had it forced him to guard his heart to keep a still mind?

You wondered what he endured while you went on your crazy adventures. At least you had your family, and Yuugo, Lucas, and all your friends. But Norman? He didn’t have anyone but himself. He carried the whole world. Alone. Had he been scared? Worried? Angry that no one came for him? Your heart clenched at the thought.

"Smile,” Norman said. “It’s okay, I promise. I'm here." He gathered you in his arms and you didn’t have the heart to protest. “How?” you whispered. “How were you able to do all this on your own?” Norman helplessly shrugged. “You could say I have connections, either that or I’m just lucky.”

“What will you do after this is all over?”

Norman went still again, as if he couldn’t answer your question. You heaved in a shaky breath. If Norman wasn’t going to give you a straight answer, then you’d squeeze it out of him. “Did anything else happen to you? I’m sure there’s a catch, isn’t there?”

It was like someone flipped a switch. One moment, you were a mess of tears, sorrow, and anguish. Now, something menacing laid in your voice. It was almost threatening, as if you were indirectly telling Norman to dare avoid the question. “I don’t want you dying trying to be everything at once,” you said. “Here you’re revered as a god, and if I know you, then it’s plain that you set yourself up like that. Don’t tell me you plan to die on us again.”

He stiffened.

“I know you Norman, don’t forget that. And because I love you, I don’t want to see you destroy yourself. I admit, I don’t know why you act like you’re going to leave again, but I’ll do everything in my power to stop you.” You pulled away and took his hands in yours. A small smile of reassurance made its way up your lips, but Norman didn’t return it.

No, he couldn’t. And despite all he did, he couldn’t lie straight to your face. Not like this.

Dinner cheered you up. The smiles and laughter that your family shared with Norman made you feel just a little bit better. But how long would it last? And how long would those smiles stay present? All the questions swarming in your mind made you feel sick to your stomach. There was too much to think about, and too little time to answer them.

You forced down the last of your food with a sigh and brought the plate to its respectful place. Everyone was too busy chatting and catching up to notice, but that was fine. It was better that way.

You made your way to a secluded walkway. It was in one of the calmer areas of the hideout that overlooked the lower levels. It was quiet, save for the distant chatter of Hayato and his friends. He let out a bright laugh that echoed through the vacant walkways. What a shame it would be to hear that disappear.

“So this is where you went.”

“I told you she’d be here.”

You whipped around in alarm. “Ray, Emma!”

Ray sharply looked you up and down. He raised a brow and you squirmed under his gaze. He gently bumped shoulders with you. “What’s wrong with you?”

You absentmindedly shrugged. “Nothing.”

“That’s what someone who’s not okay would say.” Emma noted. She settled by your side on the railing and flashed a bright smile. “You were so quiet at dinner today.”

You shook your head. Que another absentminded shrug and plastic smile. “I guess I just wanted to make sure everyone was okay.”

Ray sighed. “Everyone but you?” He leaned against the railing next to you. “Did you and Norman talk at all?”

You froze. ‘Yes’, was what you wanted to say, but no sound came out. The image of Norman’s matured face, the way his his soft lips hit your own, and his stupidly tall build crossed your mind.

Emma let out a gasp and slapped a hand over her mouth. “Ah!” she cried. “You’re all red!” You covered your hands with your face, ignoring Ray’s curious stare.

“What did you two talk about in his office anyway? Or should I say, do?” The glint in Ray’s eyes had subtext you didn’t want to recite out loud. “Rayyyyy,” you grumbled, “shut up.” He sent you a teasing grin as Emma frowned in confusion. “I don’t get it.”

“You’ll understand when you’re older.”

“Yeah, it’s grown up stuff.”

You ignored the warmth spreading to your cheeks and elbowed Ray. “Don’t say it like ‘that’! Now you make it sound like something else!”

He daringly raised a brow. “Like what?” You ran a hand over your scorching face. It was a miracle you weren’t on fire. “No, no, I’m not answering you!”

You shared a good laugh and a comfortable silence began to settle, blanketing your shoulders in a lightness that you hadn’t felt in a while.

Emma softly smiled. “I’m glad we found you.” she admitted. “You looked really sad all by yourself out here.” Ray nodded with a small snort. “Yeah, talk about depressing. But seriously though, did something..?”

Of course these two would see through your façade. Of course they’d understand something was wrong. They were your family, and they didn’t deserve your silence. Your smile shattered. “I don’t know if Norman told you about his plan yet, but it’s...it’s bad. Sure, the demons have done some terrible things to us, but that doesn’t mean all of them are guilty. I want to stop him, but I don’t know how.”

Emma nodded in agreement. “He told us earlier and I don’t like it either.” she firmly said. “Ray and I talked it over and we have a plan, but it’s risky. Like, really risky. It has to do with the Seven Walls and...”

You held on to every word Emma and Ray spoke. Risky was your middle name. Well, not actually, but it was something that became your friend. You and your family looked death in the face too many times to count. What would be another?

By the end of it, you were sure this new plan would change Norman’s mind, or at least convince him to give up the whole ‘genocide’ thing. It was decided by Ray that tomorrow, you’d all talk to Norman. Things seemed to be looking up. No, they had to be.

------------

The halls were empty and you were alone. How was it you got lost in the first place? You made sure to have every twist and turn memorised, so why did you end up in the wrong corridor twice? Ray would surely tease you for getting lost. What an absolute--

You slammed into someone’s chest. A yelp escaped your throat as the person in question lost his footing. He sucked in a sharp breath and went tumbling straight into you. Your back hit the ground as the boy threw out his arms on either side of your head to brace himself. You didn’t need a name to know who you had tumbled into. Light hair, soft eyes, fancy waistcoat and suit.

“Norman?”

He hovered over you with wide eyes. His lips were inches from yours and he was just so, so close.

Thump, thump, thump.

Your heartbeat was so gosh dang loud. Could he hear it? Could he see the way your face burned red?

“Uhm--I--I--uh--”

Why wasn’t he moving? Why weren’t you moving? Why was it so hard to look him in the eyes? A nervous smile broke out across Norman’s lips. He pushed himself off of you and offered out a hand. You gingerly took it.

“Sorry.” Norman said, helping you to your feet. “I wasn’t looking where I was going. Are you okay?” Your gaze darted from his lips to his dazzling eyes and then to his cheeks dusted in red. Your heart wouldn’t stop slamming against your chest. It kept going, and going until you felt like you were about to burst.

“Sh-shouldn’t I be asking you that?” you retorted. “I’m not the one who--you know...gets sick all the time.” You weren’t sure why you said it like that, or why that made Norman smile so cutely, but he was smiling. That made your heart flutter. You glanced around the corridor a few times, and somehow, you kept finding focus on his lips.

What was wrong with you?

Norman caught on fast--like he always did. “Oh I see,” he said with a low chuckle. You swallowed. His voice really did deepen (but you kind of liked it). For a moment, you thought he caught onto your staring, but instead of commenting on it, he intertwined his hand with yours and led you through the winding halls.

“Don’t tell Ray I got lost.” you muttered. Norman laughed and it was like the sound of happiness itself. “I won’t.”

The halls all looked the exact same: cream coloured paint, nature-like decorations, and numbered wooden doors. You forgot what number your room was, so that was probably why you got lost. Norman took a sharp left where you recalled should be a right instead. “Wait isn’t it that way?”

“I have something to give you, so we’re going to make a quick detour.” Norman’s cheeks dusted pink and he looked the slightest bit nervous. “What is it you want to show me?” He flashed you a contagious smile. “It’s a surprise.”

“What kind of surprise?”

“I can’t tell you,” he said with a chuckle, “that’s why it’s called a surprise.”

When you got to his office, you were nervous. Surprises were fun, yes, but in a world where nearly getting eaten by wild demons fell into the category of ‘surprise’, you learned not to like them very much.

Norman closed the door behind you and it softly clicked shut. Okay, you thought. So he was locking the door and making his way over to his desk. Okay, that’s fine. Norman shuffled through a cabinet, that nervous look still on his face. Okay, okay, nothing wrong here. He gently shut the drawer, and as he walked out from behind his desk, you took note of the small little box he fiddled with.

Okay. Okay. Box. Nervous. Locked door. Did he not want anyone to interrupt whatever he was about to do?

Norman heaved in a deep breath. A really, really, really deep breath. “(Y/n), I have never met anyone else like you. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, and you’re beautiful and kind.” He sunk to one knee and opened the little box. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes!”

---------

You jolted awake with a start.

“Sorry,” Norman said. He scribbled a few words down in his notebook. “Did I wake you?”

Ah, that’s right. After you talked with Emma and Ray, you all met up with Norman and hung out for a bit. But when had you gotten to his office? Much less, fallen asleep? You rubbed your eyes with a shake of your head. Judging by the tired look on Norman’s face, it was way past bedtime.

The heavy cloak around your shoulders offered a welcoming warmth. It smelled like books. It smelled like parchment and ink. It smelled like Norman and it was comforting.

He glanced up from his notebook and curiously met your gaze. “What are you smiling at?” The dream popped up in your mind and your smile grew. “I had a good dream.”

“What was it about?” he inquired without looking up.

“You.”

The scratch of the pencil froze and he met your gaze. “You had a dream about me?” Your cheeks flushed. “Yeah, and you proposed.” Norman’s back went rigid and he turned as red as an apple. “I-I pro--proposed to you?” he stammered. You snickered, a smug smile tugging on your lips. “It was really sweet. And if you’re wondering, I said yes. I was going to kiss you, but then I woke up.” You stood up with a sigh. “It was disappointing, but that’s okay.”

You let out a small laugh and neatly folded Norman’s cloak. You left it on the couch and made your way across the room. “That’s a nice notebook.” you said. “What’re you writing about?”

Norman stilled and closed the book with a smile. “It’s nothing special.” He put the pencil down ever so quietly and stood. “Do you seek my affections?” he inquired. You settled on the wall. “Don’t you have work to do?” Norman looked down at you. His fringe brushed across his eyelashes, and he loosened his tie. Slowly.

Your heart steadily drummed against your chest. “What are you doing?” The false innocence in your voice caused Norman to chuckle lowly. He caressed your cheek with a feather-light touch. “Well, you did say you were disappointed right? Why don’t I make it up to you?”

He rested an arm on the wall with a sly smirk. Your lips connected and it made your stomach flip-flop. The kiss was slow, it was sweet. You found yourself pulling him closer, running your hands through his hair and yanking him over. "Norman?" He met your gaze with half-lidded eyes. "Yes (N/n)?"

"Where did you learn how to do that?"

He smirked and it was hot. The fact that he kept his arm braced against the wall didn’t help either. "Why?" he lowly inquired. "Do you like it?" Your breath caught in your throat and you found yourself wanting more.

Knock, knock!

Norman didn't look too happy about that. He ran a hand over your cheek and gently tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, that half-lidded look of his melting into warmth and love. He made his way to the door, tightening his tie and smoothing out his hair with a quick touch.

"Hello--?" Norman fell short mid-sentence. As soon as your gaze locked with the person on the other side, you understood why. Ray stood in the threshold, just as red-faced as you and Norman, with a sheepish look on his face. “I’ll come back later.” he muttered.

Oh great. Had he been eavesdropping? You glanced at Norman and he glanced at you, then Ray, and back to you. Ray sucked his teeth and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Don’t have too much fun.” he said, a smirk twitching onto his lips.

You made your way to the threshold with a groan. “Rayyyy!”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry.” he coolly replied. “Do whatever, I didn’t see anything.”

PART 2 <--- READ PART 2

NOTE: I spent a WHOLE WEEK writing this. Please reblog so I know you guys like it :)

TIP JAR

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moonlit-imagines · 3 years

Text

Headcanons for being Diana’s child

Diana Prince x child!reader

warnings: ww84 spoilers ahead!

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “Lacey! I see you're taking request for ww84, would you write HC for being Diana's child? I'm not sure you're up to HC though. Hope you have an amazing year ;)”

growing up with so many stories of your mother’s home

that and stories passed down from your grandmother

“and asteria held back mankind in order for the amazons to survive. our people shall never forget her sacrifice” -diana

“tell me another!” -you

“i can’t tell you all my stories! then what would i have left to say?” -diana, giggling as she tucked you in and gave u a kiss on the forehead :)

you had to keep her secret growing up

😔sadly you couldn’t tell everyone you had the world’s coolest mom

buuuut a mom who works at the smithsonian isn’t NOT cool

👉👈exclusive field trips at school

“y/n, can you ask your mom if i can touch that?” -classmate, pointing to a display

“i already know the answer and it’s ‘no’” -you

actually knowing a decent bit about the stuff there

and the people too!!!

“if it isn’t our archaeologist in training, how’s school going?” -mom’s coworker

“pretty well! how has it been here?” -you

“busy busy busy” -coworker

diana teaching you ✨self defense✨

you were half amazon, but you shared many of her traits

that included her speed and strength

*ahem* and badassery

“okay, y/n. you are much stronger than your friends, but they cannot know that. you must be careful not to hurt anyone by mistake or show them how powerful you are” -diana

“so i can’t give my friends piggy back rides?” -you

“i would advise against it, just in case” -diana, chuckling

on your first try against a punching bag

you uh. destroyed the punching bag

“uh...we’ll work on that, yeah?” -diana

“i can’t lie, mother, that was pretty cool” -you

she opened up about steve to you and only you

“he gave me this watch right before he...he saved the world. i wish you could have met him” -diana

“he sounded brave. and really sweet. i mean, at least you got to know him” -you

“that’s true, my love. i am very lucky to have known him for what little time i had, i will cherish it forever” -diana

you were very wise at times. and she enjoyed learning what it was like for her mother to raise her

and although she felt guilty making you hide your true self from the world, you understood that it was necessary

you were not able to grow up as free as she did, but you assured her that it was not a bother at all

you guys totally go on “lunch dates” on saturdays because life does get busy for the both of you and you guys make time to catch up

you tease her when there’s sightings of a woman saving the day

“busy day of work, mother?” -you

“what can i say? i can’t keep myself away from the action” -diana

“when will you let me get a piece of the action?” -you

“your time will come, y/n” -diana

dont let me forget that your mom is super affectionate!!!! (as long as you’re comfortable with it ofc)

kisses and hugs and little notes and alway fixing your hair and cupping ur face just cuz she wants to see her baby!!!!!

oh also!! you can go out whenever you want really because she trusts you to come home on time and knows you can hold your own

“going to see star wars with some friends, mom!! see you in a few hours!” -you

“no problem, do you need money for your ticket or snacks?” -diana

“all taken care of! love you!” -you

“i love you too” -diana

and then stuff got really weird!!! weirder***

starting with the gala that your mom had to go to, you got the house to yourself

it wasn’t all that spectacular really but that’s what happened

meanwhile......

*after meeting steve again* “oh, gosh! i have to call my child and let them know that i’m not coming home tonight!” -diana

“w-what? you have a kid?!” -steve

ngl your mom did not want you to have ANY part of the dreamstone stuff

but she also did not want to leave you alone so ye you had to go to cairo with her and steve but you were really happy to meet steve

“your mom told me that you like history” -steve

“some of it. i do like her history though, i can only hope to see where she comes from one day” -you

“well, i accidentally crashed into themyscira, maybe you will, too” -steve

“wait...you found themyscira on accident??” -steve

“don’t get any ideas, y/n” -diana

“but now we have an invisible jet! it’s like this was meant to be!” -you

once your mother started losing her powers, it was your duty to step up to the plate

and you did a pretty good job for your first time hero-ing

“they remind me so much of you. that’s a good thing” -steve

“the world is not ready for them” -diana

being a pretty badass detective when it comes to max lord and the dreamstone

oh! and then meeting barbara. she was pretty cool

jk she was a lil wild ngl

and it was between defeating her and saving your mother and her first love, you knew which was more important

and your mother was proud of how responsible and caring you had become

soon enough, she did have to renounce her wish

and you had to say bye to steve

“hey kid, it was really great knowing you. i’m so glad that your mom has a kid like you, you’re gonna do great things” -steve

“and i’m glad my mom got to see you one more time, but i’m sad to see you go. goodbye steve” -you

feeling REALLY bad when your mom was crying next to u

but there was still work to be done

she had armor for you and another from asteria herself

and you two were about to get down to business

“y/n, before we go any further, i have to let you know that this is a one time thing. you will have more opportunities in the future, but after this, you should go back to normal. be a kid for as long as you can. it goes by so fast, i don’t want you to miss out on a second of it” -diana

“i know, mother. i understand” -you

clashing with max

and reminding him of the ✨child neglect✨ that he is at fault for

it was a very rough and emotional couple of minutes

but the world was.....mostly saved

it needed some time to be put back together

and you and your mother had to return to normalcy

“i’m very proud of you, y/n. one day you’ll make an excellent warrior. but you know that there’s no rush” -diana

“i know, mother. but you have to admit, we make a pretty good team” -you

taglist: @locke-writes // @captainshazamerica // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @randomfandomimagine //

#diana prince imagine #diana prince x reader #diana prince #diana prince x child!reader #diana prince x daughter!reader #diana prince x son!reader #wonder woman #wonder woman x reader #wonder woman imagine #dc comics x reader #dc comics imagine #dc comics #justice league imagine #justice league x reader #justice league

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 3 years

Note

What’s your opinion for Leo’s reaction to finding out the mc was immortal as well- not necessarily a vampire, maybe they’re some other type of supernatural. I’m really curious because Leo seems like he’s mainly in love with the mc bec they are human.

Hi lovely!!! Always wonderful to see you, hope you’re well! 💛💛💛💛💛

Tbh I think my opinion remains the same about something like this? I'm going to link to an ask I wrote up a while ago, only because it's v pertinent to the subject matter and good background for what I’m going to expand on here.

That being said, I'm happy to kind of tl;dr/expand on what I talked about there. Basically I had the feeling that Leonardo choosing MC as a lover was more circumstantial--regarding the state of his life in the moment, regarding his general feelings about vampires and vampire society, and regarding his unresolved trauma as a young kid.

I guess my answer to that question--and forgive me if it seems like a cop out--is that it really depends, I feel? I think his attraction has a lot more to do with the kind of person somebody is, their sensibility, more than it has to do with mortal vs immortal. If it was an immortal MC that showed ridiculous fortitude and self-control, measured patience and maturity, I really don’t see him not noticing that? I think he would be wary at first (assuming it’s all a front) but with time would likely feel a great deal of love if they were interested in a life together. If they were able to see and understand what he needs and answered those needs, I guess I just really doubt his ability to say no. It’s all he’s really looking for, and the fact that he hasn’t found it after so long really speaks to his frightened evasiveness and the rare nature of that kind of unshakeable strength.

I also think a lot of his hinging away from purebloods (true immortals, in other words) is that he 100% does not want his familia having any involvement in his meaningful relationships. Which might be why he shows more acceptance towards turned vampires, or potentially different supernatural beings.

But I also don’t like giving a vague answer without some kind of explanation as to how I got, to that conclusion, so a boatload of analysis follows below the content warning.

Spoilers for Leonardo’s route and a few mentions of JPN ver content:

I think he has less of an obsession with the idea of mortality, and more like a constant association of goodness and freedom and maturity with humanity. And while it's understandable, there are signs that--when he has the proper time and space to heal--his views seem to soften from those extremes. I mean his decision to live with Comte is pretty much his first step in that direction; it was him acknowledging for the first time that vampires aren't inherently loathsome or incapable of normal living. (On a revealing note, I think it says a lot that he agrees with MC that she is living in a “wolves’ den” but also feels the need to clarify the men are basically the domesticated equivalent. They don’t pose the same threat other vampires typically do to humans because of their lifestyle and sire.) Additionally, his tsun-like behavior towards Comte also seems to solidify this concept for me: Leonardo’s trying to come to terms with something he's sworn to reject since he was young, but also can't entirely deny that Comte is as chill and mature as purebloods come lmao

[There was also an event in the JPN ver–which seems to be approaching the ENG version rapidly, though only the first part is here right now–in which Leonardo fully offers to turn her. MC is essentially on her death bed, and Leonardo doesn’t want to lose her after so little time together; it’s MC that rejects the future as a vampire out of sheer principle. Even more noteworthy is that, when a reincarnation of MC is reunited with Leonardo in modern times, he is revealed to be exceptionally shaken by that loss. There are suggestions he can’t take losing her again, which could mean succumbing to the desire to bite her.]

Two things I feel are necessary to hit home:

The first being that, at least within the storyline so far, the most mature and human-like vampires we’ve seen are Leonardo and Comte. They seek to emulate the maturity they see reflected in the human beings they’ve known all their lives. Given how vampire society and their hierarchies work, I get the feeling humans are nothing more than amusing tools to them--a way to survive and creatures to exercise control over. There’s an objectification and delusion that comes with what I’ve seen, and I think it’s important in this discussion? If the vast majority of vampires behave this way (because I’m ngl, Leonardo and Comte don’t seem very keen on remaining in touch with other vampires all that much) then it only makes sense they prefer the company of humans who can at least share this sensibility of “been there, done that--stop hurting people bc you’re bored/repressed, grow up.”

One event story where this was exceedingly evident was actually Leonardo’s proposal story. If y’all remember, an old pal/acquaintance of Leonardo’s finds out he’s gunning for a human woman and basically goes “lmao not on my watch.” His name was Adam iirc, and he felt he had every liberty to try and pressure Leonardo into turning MC. Failing that, he insisted they should break up and not be together anymore. Now, on the one hand, it’s fair to say that he was looking out for Leonardo in a way–he didn’t want him to end up miserable and alone when she was gone. But at the same time I feel that Adam’s behavior is deeply revealing of vampire society as well lmao. He doesn’t really try to understand the situation, just immediately assumes it’s the only appropriate outcome. It does insinuate a lowkey cultural disdain for humanity: they are imperfect, they do not last or cannot have real value without preservation. If Adam was really Leonardo’s friend, wouldn’t he realize that Leonardo considers vampirism nothing more than a burden that he would wish on no one, much less his future wife? Additionally, wouldn’t he also keep in mind that Leonardo considers human beings beautiful just as they are? Since he fails these basic requirements to understand Leonardo, my impression is that he is influenced by the larger vampire culture to some extent. Furthermore, it underscores just how thoroughly Leonardo has been trained to keep his cards close to his chest for fear of ridicule/violent reprisal: no vampires know his true feelings on the matter because he would be vehemently rejected outright.

[One can also offer that maybe Adam wasn’t being malicious, maybe vampires find human women they fall in love with all the time and turn them (or any other permutation of companionship that occurs), so he doesn’t understand why Leonardo wouldn’t. But even then, to try to force them to break up if she doesn’t turn? A bit overkill imo but also revealing--Leonardo’s will is being ignored for the sake of upholding a kind of ill-founded superiority complex lmao]

While Leonardo does have a somewhat overbearing need to control the pacing of his relationship and who sacrifices what, I don’t think it’s wrong to be cautious--to want to think things through. I think it’s fair to be afraid that the person you’re with can’t handle what you’ve seen/known. But that also leads me to a core issue I have with MC: she doesn’t inspire much confidence that she can handle the life he’s lived, and that’s a problem of both incapacity and incompatibility. I have to wonder how he reacts when he’s with somebody at the same maturity level, or at the very least somebody with whom he can see her strength with time. When MC’s life was dying out he was desperate enough to accept biting her because he didn’t want to lose her–human or not. It’s MC that rejects this solution, which leads me to further believe that he just doesn’t care about the divide when it comes down to it; it has more to do with his difficulty with being vulnerable and fully trusting someone to care about him. (Assuming they also have the fortitude to stay hopeful and relatively strong over the course of a very long life.)

In line with that, the second thing I think it’s important to acknowledge is how deeply hurt Leonardo is as a result of his family treating him like a fool/black sheep. He outright says and heavily insinuates that his family would write her off as worthless, that they’d never accept her--that's his first thought:

Leonardo: “My familia would call you frail. I think you’re strong and beautiful. You do more with your time than we try to do with ours.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC: “And those letters were from your familia?”

Leonardo: “Yeah. I don’t talk to them or see them anymore. We don’t agree...on a lot of things.”

[Brief intermission here. But lmao. Who does that sound like? If any of you guessed Isaac, that’s exactly what I’m alluding to. Isaac says in his own route smth along the lines of “Why bother trying to get through to people when no amount of talking does any good or gets you any closer to being understood?” Which also explains the way they get along to uncanny degrees: they find comfort in making things/researching because it means being able to avoid the distress that comes with being blatantly misunderstood by others. Their pain simply comes in different dimensions; for Leo it’s about loss and hiding who he is out of fear of rejection, for Isaac it’s about betrayal and people turning on him--ultimately abandonment for both. But I digress, back to the main argument.]

Leonardo: “Once they discovered my location, they began hounding me with letters again. They don’t want me to be with just anyone...They want more purebloods. I’m no more than one half of an equation for them.”

There is a clear implication that his desire to choose somebody that truly makes him happy means jack shit to them. They keep talking over him and trying to wear him down to force him into what they want. It’s no wonder--imo--that he has such a hard time just saying what he wants in his life, to feel like he has the freedom to wish and pursue anything freely. It’s no wonder he just expects MC to spit on everything that’s important to him. It appears as though only other human beings in general and Comte have ever come close to understanding him.

At some point MC realizes that his insistence on being compagni provvisori was originally just another act of sacrifice, and that he was fine with giving up his time and a little privacy if it meant she would be safe. The thing she doesn’t seem to realize in the course of this--and he struggles to say it until later on--is that it stopped being blind generosity. He really did start to fall in love with her, and that’s the whole reason things became even more messy; because he didn’t anticipate not being able to let go on top of the vulnerability. And it’s a big part of why he’s hesitating to speak. He feels he has no right to those feelings, and that he’s imposing on her--not that he’ll be welcome.

And when she did finally admit those feelings were welcome, it was compounded by the parroted views of his family and larger vampire society as a whole. Saying that she herself wasn’t enough, that she had to become a vampire to make him happy. Imo that sounds very potentially retraumatizing given his experiences (people trying to force him into marriages with other vampires who didn’t remotely understand or care about him because it was “the right way of things”). It’s no wonder he freaks out and does something incredibly stupid and insensitive–which is pretty insanely ooc for him.

Leonardo: “...It shocked them. Quieted them down a bit. Hard to get peace when your familia is immortal. Grazie, cara mia.”

Leonardo: “You’re strong, and you’re kind. So probably you won’t cry while I’m here to see it. But when I’m not looking, you’ll cry. If I had done that to you (bitten her, in other words), you’d still be crying when I wasn’t watching... Maybe it’s selfish of me, after what I did, but I just wanted to make you happy. You always look pretty, cara mia, but your smile takes my breath away...It’s not your destiny to love someone who will only make you cry.”

This man literally cannot handle anyone deeply sad or in despair. He’s always going to try to cheer people up and care about them, but general tragedy/emotional discord affects him very powerfully--and it’s likely a reflection of what I’ve mentioned before. He can’t bear to see people feeling helpless or miserable because he’s just been there too many times to be able to cope. He wants to help and heal (even if he’s suffering from prolonged compassion fatigue), but he knows that his powers are limited--even if he is a pureblood.

And the thing is? While it’s misguided to believe she would cry alone when it comes to the context of healthy romantic love (bc the idea would be that you lean on each other when something upsetting happens) he has zero reference point. He was not born as a result of authentic love (his parents never married, he was the result of a procreative arrangement), his family talks over every wish and belief he has and they still claim it’s done out of love/honest concern for him. One can only imagine the serpentine and obnoxious lengths to which his family has deceived or tried to force him into reconnecting with them. Every person that ever did know him/care about him in a real way is gone. Love, for him, has only been a series of losses that left his heart hollowed out; I don’t really blame him for expecting further disappointment and isolation and exhaustion.

He’s also not wrong in the sense that he partially saw MC do what he outlined, and it’s a big part about what he loves about her. When she was feeling alone and lost–powerless–all she did was shrug and move forward. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, but focusing on what you can do instead of what you can’t do is healthier. And they both have the tendency to hide when they’re in pain or feeling lost, all because they don’t want to trouble anyone. Remember that when he says this, it’s a reflection of himself too: because even if he was heartbroken beyond measure, all he would do is hide it every second; he would never expect anyone to see right through him or care.

I mean I tend think of that one post I saw that talked about how people often see themselves as a social burden when most of their life has just been a series of neglect and loss. They don’t really have a concept of “you’re not heavy because I want to stay with you. It’s my choice to care about you.” How do you feel worthwhile an existence when four hundred years later your family still won’t treat you with basic dignity. The men in the mansion also all look to him for guidance and soothing because of the kind of person he is–he’s either silent in the periphery or helping. He never betrays so much as an inkling of insecurity or distress.

I mean the whole reason Leonardo comes to the mansion is because he has absolutely no issue helping Comte in a pivotal time of need without seeking much of anything in return. Remember that Comte explains how Leonardo came to the mansion in response to Comte’s distress about the future. This makes sense considering Comte was rapidly trying to stop Vlad by beating him to the punch, and had only enough time to plan the basics. He had no certainty things would work out, much less that his boys would thrive. But Comte, unlike the boys, has become acutely aware of how much Leonardo is hiding his fatigue and despair in the course of being helped. As such, he wants to return the favor--and tries to be a good friend to him as much as he can (handles his insane familia, keeps things light and silly time between them, takes him seriously as a person, doesn’t pry beyond what’s fair.)

[I also think of that psychology concept of “the good enough mother.” It’s not always about being perfect every second of your life. It’s about paying attention and acting where it really counts. I feel like people who grow up under an enormous burden of neglect or parental/mentor abuse have a hard time coming to terms with the idea. This notion that just trying is enough for a lot of people, that showing them they’re not alone is enough to make difficult memories bearable. Because it’s the oppressive silence and apathy that tends to kills people, imo--not people who mean well. But Leonardo doesn’t really understand any kind of reciprocal or non-self-emptying model because the concept is beyond him. He has no experience with it beyond Comte and a select few humans he’s befriended.]

Let’s continue on this point of MC crying where he can’t see her, shall we? The reason this scares him so much is not because he doesn’t care, or doesn’t want to make the effort. It’s precisely that he cares to the point of madness. It’s that he is legitimately convinced nothing he has to say, nothing that he can do, no part of him is enough to ease what she will have to trade away to stay with him. The core issue is not one of disregard or objectification, I find it to be more about his belief that he just isn’t enough. He doesn’t trust that anyone can love him to the point where just the sight of him or time with him can heal. And while there is a foolishness to this belief, it’s understandable when you consider where he’s coming from. You can call it selfishness, but it just feels involuntary--he has a lot of fear when it comes to love.

I mean Comte even says it himself? His words here always strike me: “I want you to understand, it’s because he cherishes you just as you are--more than he cares about his future or his well-being.”

Comte is openly identifying the way that Leonardo has a tendency to give more than is healthy. That Leonardo isn’t hesitating because his feelings are lacking, he’s doing it because he knows it’s going to hurt like a bitch trying to love her and never ask beyond what feels reasonable. (Spoilers: no request is reasonable. That’s the problem here. He’s convinced he deserves nothing.) Therefore turning her into a vampire to stay with him is--consequently, to Leonardo--out of the question. This is the literal hingepoint at which Comte and Leonardo divide; Comte simply tells MC he’ll take full responsibility for asking so much of her. He intends to make her happy with every single resource and skill he has at his disposal. Even if he doubts his ability or fears losing her to vampire rhetoric madness, he’d rather try than live with the regret and immediate loss. Leonardo is more resistant because of his dour outlook, that her fear of immortality is never going to be something that either of them can overcome. And/or he’s likely afraid she’s only going to regret being together after so long, and might succumb to the ridiculous sort of power/greed complexes vampires seem so attracted to by nature.

I think Leonardo is still coming to terms with the idea that he isn't alone in the world in a lot of ways, and I think he's also coming to terms with the idea that immortality does not equate to evil. Sure, human beings on average are probably more open to flexible modes of thinking and living compared to vampires--their maturity is in some ways guaranteed due to the instances they're forced to adapt to survive. However, just one look at the ruling class and oligarchies of all kinds (even just stubborn human beings) reveals how they are not immune to the same sort of megalomania, arrogance, and thoughtless violence purebloods/vampires are capable of.

So I guess I hesitate when it comes to the thought that he only loves her because she's human. If anything, I think he loves her for the fact that she's very rooted in reality--not quite so bound by the extremes that trouble him. It's one of the many reasons I believe Leonardo needs a lot of maturity and patience; the ability to differentiate between his panicked/overwhelmed/hurt reactions versus his calm is a skill in and of itself considering his capacity for concealment. To say nothing of getting him to slow down when this happens, too.

I suppose I think about it in a way that’s similar to how Napoleon’s main story narrative is framed. While Leonardo’s route doesn’t focus on the grandeur of being a former emperor, there is a clear insinuation here that he also craves normalcy? Just a little life, with a person he loves dearly, where he can rest and be himself for once. I think because he gives off such an appearance of steadiness, people fail to see that he is barely holding on--not to mention the kind of experiences he’s been deprived of (the exact security and understanding he so expertly emulates).

Closer to your question, it’s worth mentioning that Leonardo’s life goal for a while was the creation of an immortal human being--in that he fully recognized human beings could not offer what he needed as they were.

He loves humans because of their adaptability, their frequent desire to keep seeking out hope and making the best of the broken pieces they have. But then again, it has more to do with the nature of how frequently that sensibility occurs in humans vs vampires (and immortality in general): mortality does demand some level of necessity to change and grow. Which is one of the largest trauma points for him; the vampires around him just refused to grow up, always demanding at him like children and obsessed with their power complexes.

Thing is I also don't know enough about vampire society to know how correct this perceived ratio is. However, given Comte's similar avoidance of other vampires and general inability to live with them (he and Vlad were literal childhood best friends and Comte can't stand him anymore lmao) I think Leonardo may have more validity here than people give him credit for. Which begs the question--why did he quit trying to make a human immortal? What was it that stopped him? Was it the horror of what needed to be done to achieve it? Or would a potential companion start to fall more in love with the idea of immortality than they do with life itself/him? I think it’s a worthwhile question to ask, given the disdain he seems to aim at Shakespeare in particular--once human, but now emulates all of the violence and insatiability marked by vampirism.

This is where the transition from human to vampire/immortal contains another hingepoint: is Leonardo so incapable of finding a middle ground because he feels like any choice he makes will be a wrong one? Marry a human, deprive them of a normal love where they can grow old together. Marry a human and turn them, what if they are reborn with immortal wounds/psychological harm? What if time proves they get bored of him or hateful, what if they begin to act like the predatory purebloods he hates so much? Marry a pureblood/immortal, and be hounded by his family for heirs--risk being with somebody who will never love him or their children, and only inspire more misery in the world.

Does it make sense how this can really start to become an anxious downspiral for someone like him? How the personal insecurity and life history comes together to just compound stress endlessly?

That's the thing that's important here, I think. Leonardo just needs somebody who is open-minded, firm, and not easily deceived. If one takes a look at Leonardo's main story route, the whole reason everything goes to shit so disastrously is because MC stops listening at a critical point. Granted Leonardo could have been more forthcoming for sure, but when she started assuming Shakespeare was right instead of seeing how Leonardo was feeling/reacting, she responded in ways Leonardo wasn't prepared for. He never wanted to shake her faith or insinuate whatever she is is not good enough for him, and tbh I think Leonardo downspiraled because it was just the same thing all over again. What he is--a vampire and immortal--keeps ruining everything he wants with his life.

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp meta #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp leo #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp comte #can you tell i think too hard about these things kjhdglshf #sorry this reply took me a little longer than i meant to--but i really did want to do the topic proper justice!!#leonardo is such a dear person to me and I can't help but sympathize #people are free to disagree with this but it's just how i feel about the topic #the more i see about him in event stories--the sense this his trembling heart is slowly easing--the less i can believe such things matter #to him all that much tbh #i also think the event where he loses her is just all the more telling too?#i feel like if it really was a matter of principle and not love he would have just accepted it #humans have a v short lifespan--what can be done #sort of reaction #but that's not how he reacted at all: he was a man beside himself with dread and sadness #and even when he meets her reincarnation he can't help but want to be with her again #iirc he starts shaking at the slightest mention of when she died--and shows a lot less ability to resist the urge to turn her #so anywho brief summation is that i think this is more about so many sad boy hours and fear of widespread immortal megalomania #than it is abt hatred for immortality #he has no confidence good things can last without being warped--and that's the key issue here #'nothing gold can stay'#long post #rambles #not incorrect quotes #if you manage to read this without falling asleep i applaud you ajkhldghkfjsdg #thanks for the ask tho--i love any excuse to yell abt leo <333

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vs-redemption · 4 years

Note

hello there i just wanna say i love your work and you have great talent!! anyway can i request a part 2 of your cheating hawks?? aaaa thank you!

A/N: Ah! I still can’t believe the response the first part of this story got. I’m almost nervous to post the sequel because I don’t want anyone to be disappointed. I did my best though, and I really hope it lives up to everyone’s expectations!

Betrayal: Part Two (Cheater!Hawks X Fem!Reader)

✨Please click HERE if you haven’t read part one

⚠️This story contains angst and some hints of manga spoilers⚠️

Hawks had persevered through a lot of hardships during his life so far. He’d spent the first few years of his life living in a dump with neglectful parents. Then, he’d had his childhood stolen away by the Hero Public Safety Commission who put him through over a decade of grueling training and emotionally detached living conditions. After that, they had thrown him out into the world to be their obedient pro-hero puppet with hardly any freedom to make his own career decisions. He used to lament over the difficulties of his life, wishing he’d had a more normal and easygoing upbringing. Now, however, he understood that he hadn’t known what true suffering was before. The struggles he’d experienced in his past were nothing compared to the soul crushing agony he was living right now. It had hardly been a week since he’d broken your heart, but it may as well have been years with the way the time seemed to stretch out as if wanting to add minutes on to the miserable haze he was stuck in.

The alarm on the nightstand goes off, telling him he had to get up for work even though he was already wide awake. Mornings were torturous for him now with the empty space in his bed taunting him with the memories of waking up with you held safely in his arms. Hawks covers his face with his hands as unshed tears well up and sting his sleep deprived eyes. Every night he went to bed hoping that when he woke up, the nightmare of your absence would be over. Such wishful thinking only made the truth hurt all the more when it came creeping back into his mind with the morning sun.

“Wow, you look awful,” Jet stream grimaces once Hawks makes it into work. She gives him a once over, taking in the unkempt state of his hair and dead look in his eyes. “You really should put more effort into keeping up appearances or people might start to suspect that something’s going on with you.”

Hawks blinks a few times as he stares at the woman who had been sent to work at his agency by the Hero Commission. All the public records showed that he had recruited her from a different agency to make use of her incredible flight speed that nearly rivaled his own. That was just a cover up though to keep anyone from knowing the truth.

“Something is going on,” Hawks states flatly while glancing down at the canned coffee he held tightly in his hands. He’d been forced to betray the trust of the only person in the world who had genuinely cared about him. Jet stream frowns and folds her arms over her chest.

“You know what I mean,” She tells him in an authoritative tone of voice that made Hawks feel like he was five years old again. He hated being reminded just how little power he had even though he was the number two hero in the country with one of the highest popularity ratings. If only he’d known better way back when the commission had first offered to help him achieve his dreams. But how could he have predicted that the hands which had gladly lifted him up to unimaginable heights would be the same hands threatening to crush him if he didn’t obey their every command?

“You don’t want to blow your cover,” Jet stream raises an eyebrow before turning on her heel and sauntering away. Hawks reaches up a gloved hand to massage the bridge of his nose, wishing with every fiber of his being that he could call you up and apologize for the hell he was putting both of you through. He wanted to tell you that you were the love of his life and that there wasn’t a single part of him that would ever even dream of looking at another woman let alone what he’d led you to believe he’d done. He couldn’t contact you though. The higher ups at the Hero Commission had made him promise that he wouldn’t, especially with the undercover mission they’d assigned him recently. They’d told him it wouldn’t be safe for him to have any unnecessary personal connections for a while.

What they didn’t seem to understand though was that you were necessary. Despite it being a dangerous time to be associated with him, Hawks sometimes felt like it was impossible to even breathe whenever the reality hit him that he would never have you by his side again. Knowing what you must think of him now made his stomach roll. And even if the Hero Commission allowed him to explain everything, he doubted it would make a difference. The damage was done. The pain and hurt he had caused was real, even if the story behind it wasn’t.

Weeks stretched into months and as Hawks progressed with his mission he found himself faced with terrible decisions that made him question whether anything he accomplished in the end would be worth the sacrifices he’d made. Since he was a child, all he’d ever wanted was to be a great hero. And when he’d first debuted, saving people’s lives and making the world a safer place seemed to offset some of the less glamorous parts of the job. Now though, Hawks felt numb as he went through the motions, doing whatever he could just to survive day to day. At a glance, it probably looked like he was the same confident, charming hero everyone knew and loved. On the inside though, he was an empty husk. He’d wanted to be a great hero ever since he was a child, but now the only thing he really wanted was you.

“You know, I think it’s about time for some costume upgrades,” Jet Stream says casually one day while flying over the city with Hawks on patrol. She was fidgeting with one of the gadgets on her wrist that he’d never even seen her use. Hawks hated having to share the sky with her so much. The only purpose she served was to spy on him for the Hero Commission, making sure he didn’t so much as bat an eye without their explicit permission. The weight of her presence felt like a shackle.

“Oh, look who it is!” Jet Stream points down to the street below and Hawk’s feel’s a spark of life in his chest when his golden eyes zero in on you. Just the smile on your face is enough to send his heart fluttering around his ribcage. He hadn’t seen you in so long, but the happiness of seeing you again is short lived when a man steps up beside you and takes your hand into his. Seeing you lean comfortably into the man’s touch felt like a knife stabbing him in the gut. Hawks has to physically swallow back the bile rising up in his throat when he realizes just how lost you really are to him. Part of him was happy to see that you weren’t suffering the way that he was, but another part of him envied your ability to move forward from the tragic end of your relationship. Hawks would never be able to move forward. Unlike you, he was a prisoner to his past with what seemed like no means of escape. Perhaps one day he would break free of the Commission’s hold on him, but until then, he’d have to continue enduring the hardships life threw at him.

Tags: @hawksexual// @lilnachochip// @todominica// @neonokinawa// @iluvvhewer// @effmigentlywithachainsaw// @sunniethesimp//

#Hawks x reader #keigo takami x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #hawks #keigo takami #writing requests #Cindy's Writing

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e-jaegerenthusiast · 3 years

Text

so this is goodbye

aot manga spoilers (everything + 139 included)

sketch by me (ik, ew)

warnings/tw; angst. heartache. agony 😁

summary; except for mikasa and armin, what did eren say to the others when he came to visit them?

song; visions of gideon-sufjan stevens

note; i was expecting the extra pages for 139 to be this. but oh well, i love them either way— aot has many stories to tell still. cant wait.

it was the least eren could do for him. after being his captain for so many years, making countless sacrifices for him, listening to him. he knew levi didn’t have a dream for himself, he knew his dream was erwin’s dream, erwin’s promise. so he could only guess what else he would like.

Levi flinched, one second he was sitting with the others on that damned ship, on their way to stop eren, but with a blink of his eye, he was sitting behind a bar. he glanced at his surroundings, trying to figure out what’s happening, he was always good at that, he needed to be. it wasn’t a bar, it seemed to be a counter of some sort, he ran his hand on the underside of the wooden counter, yet no dust came off when he brought his fingers to his own face.

the faint sound of a kettle diverted his gaze onto the stove not so far from him, he furrowed his brows, where was he? as he listened to the way the kettle boiled slowly, a familiar voice caught his attention. “hey...captain,” he had heard that voice call him captain one too many times. he didn’t even need to turn to know who it was, yet he still did. wanting to see with his own eye. eren was sitting in one of the round tables with 3 chairs, he looked younger. he looked like the same fifteen year old brat levi taught and looked after himself. his hair short, eyes burning a bright jade, no longer teal like present..present?

levi wanted to beat that brat up so much, didn’t matter if he was taller than him, or held the power of three powerful titans, he wanted to beat him to a pulp with his own knees. teach him how he has wasted his whole life protecting the boy, was war and genocide how he was going to repay him? repay their sacrifices? repay his sacrifice?

all thoughts were dusted away, sucked away into oblivion as eren spoke to him, levi looked down at his own fists, why were they clenched? why was he mad at fifteen year old eren? he was just a kid. “this is your tea shop captain, do you like it?” eren talked with a monotone voice, it felt like deja vü to levi, yet he didn’t know why. he couldn’t tell why his voice didn’t match his appearance. yet there was this nagging feeling in his brain , he shouldn’t be here.

“tea— tea shop? tsk, i don’t own a damn tea shop.” never in his life levi had doubts about anything, yet for once he spoke his words without knowing the truth behind them. eren looked down at his hands, stretching his fingers out before unstretching them again, he let out a sound, levi’s brows furrowed. was the damn brat laughing? or was he crying? he couldn’t tell what emotions eren held anymore.

“y’know captain,” eren spoke slowly as he got out of the table in the corner of the shop, making his way to the counter and sitting infront of levi, “you’re an ackerman. so obviously you won’t buy this stupid fake reality i made to try and condone my actions to you.” eren put a hand on his own forehead, tugging at his own hair, a tear drop rolled down his face, “it’s pathetic really, out of all the others, i don’t have anything planned to tell you, captain levi.” levi’s eyes widened and he seemed to be deep in thought, “it doesn’t matter if i apologize captain, it won’t bring back the lives of our soldiers who died for this, who died for me.”

levi was getting glimpses of memories back with each word that left eren’s lips, erwin’s limp body laying on that rooftop, petra’s neck pulled back against that tree, “i’ve failed you, captain levi.” hange’s hopefull eyes even as she dived into her own demise.

levi’s eye twitched, lunching towards eren over the counter, both of them falling down to the ground with what should’ve been an ear deafening noise, yet it was quite. it was quite as levi’s punches landed against the boy’s cheeks. it was quite until levi broke the silence, finally shouting. letting it out, “why?! why?! why did you do all this?! huh?” another punch to eren’s nose, yet he wouldn’t say anything, his eyelids low as he looked at levi with a grim expression. “god dammit you brat! why?! if you’re the all knowing! why couldn’t you change things? make it so that so many people wouldn’t have to die?!”

‘tell me if there’s another way!’ he had shouted at hange past the cells of his prison. he knew she was going to die. he knew and yet, shouting at her about not being able to change things was the last encounter between them before she burned within eren’s hell. he would see her later, not in this life. but he would cry and beg for her forgiveness as she smiles at him, making jokes about the bang she went out in.

levi’s knuckles were dripping blood now, yet he didn’t feel even the slightest of burning pain. he brought his hands up, the blood dripping down his fingers and onto his palm, painting it red. with a flick of both his wrists, the blood from his palm splattered onto eren’s face, mixing with the blood running down his nose. “this blood,” levi clenched and unclenched his fists, making more blood drip onto eren’s neck. “all of this blood, it’s on you, it’s on me, it’s on us.”

bang! a bullet. a damned bullet. shot by a young girl, a young hotheaded brat that reminded him too much of himself. he had seen it. he knew it was going to happen, yet why? why was he shaking? why was his heart trembling for the potato girl? why did he burst out crying? his own friends family forgetting the way he copes as they accused him of laughing at their friend’s death. how would he laugh? how could he laugh? it was all on him. he knew it. but he had to continue. for them.

with that, levi rolled off of eren, sitting on the wooden floor next to the boy as he took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. what was this feeling? he felt it all the way in his guts, traveling up his vocal cords and settling right above his adam’s apple. his lips trembled, his bloody hands coming up to cover his face, to try and mix the blood with the tears running from his eyes. why was he hitting eren?

they wouldn’t mix. his tears were hot, steaming down his cheeks as it burned him. eren’s blood.. eren’s blood had ran cold. blood shouldn’t be cold, levi of all people knew that, having felt it cover his hands and face one too many times. blood was supposed to be warm.

blood. blood everywhere. it was warm, burning his palms, burning his soul. he was just a kid, yet he had just killed two grown men. blood covered his hands, blood covered his soul. he knew he wouldn’t be the same. he knew the girl wouldn’t be the same after he wrapped the scarf around her.

he looked next to him, eren sitting with his legs crossed as they both sat in the center of the tea shop. levi looked down at his own hands, covered in blood, matching eren’s face. he blinked, eren’s face now clean, levi looked down at his own hands again, the blood was gone.

eren got up, holding his hand out for levi to hold, levi sighed, getting up as he used eren’s hand for leverage. “captain levi, i’ll explain everything to you as fast as i can, but you have to promise me something,” levi looked up at him, a sad expression on his face. “you have to help mikasa kill me. it’s the only way.” eren said as his face contorted into his older self, messy bun with loose strands falling down to his forhead. only way to what? it gave levi a headache.

levi never wanted to visit that god forsaken island again. he was content in marley, he had made a life for himself. his own tea shop, somehow it looked exactly like the one eren showed him. gabi and falco helped him take care of it, while taking care of him without his knowledge. sometimes he would find himself wishing he could visit eren’s grave, so he stared at the wooden floor of the tea shop, blood passing by his eyes as he wishes he didn’t paint the floors with it when he saw eren. he looks away as he feels a tear sliding down his cheek. that selfless brat.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

he would always be fighting with the boy, over things that did not need fighting over. but that’s what they say about frenemies, even as they act like they despise eachother, they truly admire eachother secretly. that’s what Jean felt for him. he was jealous sometimes, but mostly out of admiration for the brunette.

he always wanted a peaceful life, wanted to live happily next to someone he loves, he wanted a normal life. he didn’t even want to join the survey corps at first, wanting to thrive in the easygoing state of the military. yet, something about the hotheaded, determined boy sparred him on to risk his life, over and over.

Jean opened his eyes, the sunset could be seen on the distance not too far from the hillside. tall, green spruce trees sat around him, a cool breezing hitting them as he closed his eyes again, taking a deep breath. he was at peace, he didn’t know why but he was comfortable.

he opened his eyes the moment he heard the annoying voice of his rival, “oi, jean,” eren was sitting next to him, hair fanning around his neck. he looked like he was sixteen, but in jean’s mind, he always looked like that.

jean rolled his eyes, closing them and sighing as he laid down, feeling cool grass tickle his ears. “what are you doing here, idiot? don’t bother me when i’m relaxing.”

eren raised a brow as he looked down at jean, a small smile creeping its way accross his lips, “you’re always smart when you’re giving orders jean, what happened now?”

jean opened his eyes again, this time a slight shock twirling in his hazel orbs, leaning on one elbow as his face relaxed a bit, “right. we’re sitting here in your brain or something, as in reality, you’re actually destroying the whole world.”

eren rolled his eyes, a sad smile residing on his features. “listen jean, this isn’t going to be easy, none of this is. i’m just asking you to see eye to eye with me here?”

jean gave eren a sympathetic smile, slowly nodding his head, motioning for him to go on.

eren didn’t expect that, he didn’t expect jean to just sit and listen to his point of view of all people. his face contorted into one of confusion.

jean put his hand on eren’s shoulder, squeezing slightly as he nodded his head again, “i trust your judgment, eren.”

eren could feel tears pool in his eyes, threatening to fall any second, he was quite literally exhausted in every way. he needed a shoulder to cry on, he knew armin saw him breakdown, but it wasn’t enough. he felt like he could cry a river if he let himself. if his pride let him.

there was a heavy weight on his shoulders, the weight of the whole world, the weight of his friends’ and comrads’ lives, the weight of his own dignity, the weight of his decisions. the weight of the past, present, the future.

a single tear rolled down his cheek, he turned his head to the side quickly, wiping it away with his elbow but it was too late, jean had noticed it.

jean frowned, getting concerned as he wrapped one arm around eren, not really knowing what he’s doing.

eren’s body stiffened, his breath getting caught in his throat. jean took the silence as welcoming, wrapping another hand around him hesitantly, bringing eren close to his chest.

involuntary, the next breath eren let out turned into a broken sob, taking himself and jean by surprise as he broke down in jean’s arms, his screams echoing in the mountains and hilltops around them.

after a few seconds, eren calmed down a bit, moving away from jean as he wiped his eyes, hiding his head in his own arms.

jean chuckled, “idiot, did you just cry? what a baby.” he teased. eren looked at him with red eyes, letting out a chuckle, and several after that. playfully hitting jean’s shoulder

after their shared laughter died down, jean took a deep breath, “y’know eren... i never really hated you, i hope that—“ eren caught him off, saying in a low voice “i didn’t either, promise.”

jean gave him a sad smile, tears burning his own eyes as he tried to blink them away, “i know everything that you’re doing is for us. i know the others don’t realize it, but i do. i know it all has a reason behind it, yeah? suicidal bastard.”

eren nodded rapidly, weakly smiling as he spoke “i promise, yes. yes it does, i’m trying—“ his voice shook, “trying to do the right thing here, jean. everything— everything is happening so fast and at the same time and i just—“

jean ran his hand up and down eren’s back, “i know eren, i know. actually no, i’m stupid, and probably not even half as smart as you are. i can’t imagine or even begin to know what you’re going through.”

eren sniffed, looking back at jean with a pleading look in his eyes, “live a long life jean, please.”

jean gave a broken chuckle, “if you let me, yeah, that’s the goal.”

with that they both broke down, their tears not stopping as broken laughs left both the grown men’s mouths, pressing their foreheads together as they couldn’t even tell the difference between laughter or sobs anymore.

“and jean— make sure mikasa’s happy.”

jean tried to speak but eren shushed him,

“please, draw me for her. i know you can. make sure she doesn’t forget my face, yeah?”

“and take care of her jean, make her happy.” he said with a broken sob.

he would hug his own knees as he visited eren’s grave, he would talk to him as if he was there, teasing him and calling him an idiot, in hopes he could hear it from somewhere. he would sit in silence, covering his own ears occasionally. suicidal bastard, he thought as he would repeat their conversation in his head by the hillside as the sun rose.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

Connie was always the goofy guy of the group, he’d make eren laugh a lot when they were together. his compassion being shown with jokes and snarky comments here and there.

they were really good friends, eren didn’t know when connie stopped being his goofy self, he didn’t know when he stopped making jokes with him. he had forgot it all, his memories like broken fragments of glasses all messed up in his head.

maybe it was when sasha died, when connie was left alone and broken. when he lost his twin, his other half. when he looked eren in the eyes with horror swirling in them instead of humor, tears rolling down his cheeks as it seemed all of the color from his face was drained and thrown off that damned airship.

maybe he lost all hope in eren then, maybe he thought of him as maniac, a complete psychopath who would laugh at his own family’s death.

little he knew all that eren was going through for them, little he knew all the things the young boy had to endure just because he was born into this world.

hot embers of fire swirled around in the cold air as wind blew, it was silent, peaceful. connie looked around himself, the crackling fire burning brightly on what seemed to be a rocky side of the beach, the sound of waves crashing against nearby stones filling his ears.

he looked up, sky littered in twinkling stars that seemed to be winking just for him. and not long passed before he heard eren’s smooth voice, mildly startled as he looked next to him.

eren was sitting there, staring up at the stars as each of them seemed to twinkle in his emerald green eyes, he looked fifteen, like when they first became friends. like when he would hear his stories and be impressed by the brave boy that wanted to take on all the titans by himself.

“hey, connie, why do you think starts die?”

connie chuckles, “i don’t know, they get sick?”

eren raises his brows, “well, kind of, yeah.”

eren sighed, “fine i’ll tell you, you’ve always been bad at riddles anyway.”

connie pushed him with his elbows slightly as he rolled his eyes.

“they die out, one day they just... get tired and exhausted of shining. even though they look really pretty, they die too.” eren sighed.

connie frowned, slowly realizing where he is and why eren is there. he looked at eren with wide eyes.

eren turned to him, eyes pleading as he spoke, “i’m sorry about sasha, connie. i really am. i swear i couldn’t stop it, if i could, i would. it’s not like that it’s—“

connie stopped him, startling the boy as he hugged him. “it’s okay eren. she would forgive you.”

eren smiled, another tear rolling down his cheek, god dammit.

“your mom can be saved, i’ll save her. i’ll do it connie. live a long life with her.”

he would smile at the sky constantly, always staring at the starts as they twinkled down at him, he knew eren was one of them. he hoped at least. “my mom did live eren, thank you.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

eren would look up to Reiner like his own older brother, like his mentor. times were he fell on his ass during training, reiner would be there to pick him up. to always lend him a hand when he needed it.

he didn’t know he would have to go against eren numerous times, every battle of theirs ending with both of their titans beaten down and their souls exhausted, never really having a clear winner.

reiner hated that part of himself, that part that thought of eren as a younger brother, as an ambitious kid that was too goal-driven for his own good.

he also hated the part of himself that longed to kill eren, to finally fulfill his task that made him lose bertoldt, to finally have that weight off his shoulders. to finally be at peace with his family.

in conclusion, reiner hated all parts of himself. he wanted to put an end to himself, yet he couldn’t do it, he was too cowardly, and he also hated himself for that.

the sound of a river could be heard in the distance as reiner sighed, his head aching and not knowing his surroundings, he wasn’t supposed to be here. he was supposed to be fighting. fighting for his life, fighting for other’s lives.

“oh, reiner.” eren’s voice startled him as he looked to his side, eren’s hair long and facial hair on his face was bringing deja vu to reiner. if he weren’t terrified that day, he would be impressed by how much eren has really grown.

reiner sighed, nodding his head in response. “help my friends, they were once yours too. they still are, reiner.”

reiner felt a stinging in his eyes, yet he couldn’t tell what it was as he looked at eren, nodding rapidly, “i am. i know. you were all my family too, eren.”

reiner cried, eren having a sad smile on his face as he watched him. “i want you to live a long life reiner, just like all of them, okay? please don’t end it yourself.”

reiner’s hands shook as he looked at eren, “i’m not even half the man you are eren.”

“you looked out so well for all of us, i promise i will too, i’ll take care of them, bro.”

“good.”

he never thought suicidal thoughts anymore. he stopped hating himself for everything. he would visit eren’s grave with a smile, thanking him under his breath quietly, checking in on all of his friends more and more as he found his true self.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

Annie didn’t feel much towards the boy, he thought he was a hotheaded idiot who was going to meet his end by annie herself.

yet she was wrong, he was way stronger than she thought. and she admired that.

annie blinked, warm sun dancing on skin as she stood up, she was surrounded by flowers, the smell of colorful tulips filling the air with the soft breeze.

she walked through the field, closing her eyes as she breathed in the scent of the flowers, calming her senses.

when she opened them, eren was standing infront of her, hair short and physique small as he looked just like the last time she saw him, the last time she tried to kill him.

“long time, annie.” he mumbled, his hands inside his pockets as he walked closer.

annie clenched her fists by her sides, taking a deep breath as she looked at him, and then she realized it.

she realized where she was and how she was one of the many people who started this. who turned eren into this, a frown sat on her features as she started panicking, wanting to scream.

she felt eren’s hand on her shoulder, calming her breathing slightly and taking her out of her trance.

“calm down, annie. it’s okay, it’s not your fault.”

“i’m sorry, eren.”

eren gave her shoulder a squeeze, reassuring her as he gave her a soft smile, “take care, annie.”

she kept the ring, it reminded her of eren, the only stupid little thing reminding her of all the hardships she’s had to overcome, all the things eren had to overcome as she was frozen in time in that damn basement. she would live her life to the fullest now. his sacrifices wouldn’t go to vain.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

and so, even if war continues, even if all eren’s sacrifices barely made a dent in history, at least his friends were thankful. they were thankful as they lived long lives without no longer having to fight for it constantly. thanking eren and holding him dear in their hearts at all times.

#angie pain #aot #attack on titan #aot manga #aot manga spoilers #attack on titan manga #annie aot #reiner braun #eren jaeger #eren yeager #levi ackerman #jean kirchstein #connie snk #snk #connie springer #eren angst #aot angst #snk angst

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popurikat · 3 years

Note

Newtmas essay when?

Finally getting to this, thanks for waiting, I needed to go over a few bookmarks. (Warning, this post contains spoilers from the MAZE RUNNER book and FEVER CODE book, so if you haven’t read either or yet and want the jist of my analysis; just know that in general the fandom interpreting Newt as gay before it was revealed on a twitter post was not just a random headcanon and that Thomas in general is portrayed to have very strong unconditional love for Newt throughout the series; and it shows. To the point that even the director for the movie has stated that Newt and Thomas have a strong bond and portrays that in the movies. I will also preface that I am NOT adding personal opinion anywhere here, these are just backings from quotes and how they are thus meant to be taken/read as. My words are taken as a reader who is currently reading Scorch Trials has yet to fully read Death Cure or Crank Palace.) Anways, without further ado at 3AM today, I’ll try my best to explain how even though Dashner tries his best to make Thomas have other, female love interests; he creates a not so subtle gay subtext for Tommy boy here when in the context of interacting with Newt throughout the lore. Apologies beforehand for any grammar mistakes along the way.

To commence, I am going to start with FEVER CODE, as its supposed to act as the story’s preface to the actual events that play out later. Newt and Thomas upon meeting each other describe their presence as “familiar” and or as a “long lost friend” and they genuinely hit it off from the start to the point that Newt is okay with having Thomas see him cry over the fact that he and his sister are separated since he is doomed to be WCKD’s control analysis as he’s the only one lacking immunity from the flare itself. Once Newt is done being emotionally vulnerable we get our first instance of his personal nickname for Thomas: “That’s the way things are Tommy,’ he said his voice not quite steady. ‘The world outside’s gone to hell. Why should we expect any different here? [...] He said it as if they’d been friends for years” (ch. 14). An interesting note here is that Thomas doesn’t bother to correct him or stifle the moment by feeling that all this information was too much, he genuinely wanted to hear Newt out and is fine with seeing this side of him; if not slightly taken aback by how natural it is that they can converse about such aspects of their lives. In fact, Newt makes such an impact on Thomas that Thomas ends up that same night dreaming of him: “Throughout his shortened night, he dreamed of Newt and Sonya. Of Newt and Lizzy“(Ch. 14). The thing with Thomas though is that the idea of comfort and connection is very foreign to him as he’s been basically isolated all his life with only the adults like Ava to talk to and the one exception being Teresa as his only kid companion. So Thomas didn’t even think he could make others like him for being himself unless they were vital to the overall production of WCKD. Seeing this portion right before the end of chapter 14: “Alby, Minho, Newt, Teresa. Thomas had friends.” shows that Thomas really had to deep dive to see how he deals with personal connections and why he was excited about the notion of friendship. He could’ve been happy with just Teresa, but only fully cemented her bond to him as “friend” when his circle grew and these kids he got to hang with taught him he can be himself, a concept he didn’t realize was possible when all his life was dictated on what he was supposed to learn or do. It becomes especially clear just how controlled his life is with the aspect of sentiment when later on Teresa’s mental communication evokes physcial pain and fear in Thomas. I’ll get back to that later as its more of a small tid bit of Thomas’ view on his forced love interest, Teresa. And yes, I say forced because multiple sentences with Thomas have him even wish he could cease all communication with her. Moving on, let’s talk about mimicking for a second. As humans, we mimic as a behavioral response to become closer to the person we care about. It’s the reason why yawning or laughter is contagious and or why we copy the posture of the person we converse with face to face. Thomas is seen to do this the most with Newt’s quirks. I’ll give the example in chapter 15: “Newt has been promising them that he was saving something special, and he did that annoying zipped-lipped sign every time [...] the little light in his eyes showed he enjoyed every second of their torture” versus Thomas: “Thomas did Newt’s zipped-lipped gesture, and that got him a sharp poke in the ribs”. So, we know enough that Thomas’ mannerisms are developing as a sign that he wants to be closer to Newt and to continue this sense of playfulness they both enjoy from the other. This is the start of their budding bond and a clear indication that they hold each other at greater fondness than the rest through this unconscious copying. Through this copying, they also pick up on emotional cues the other lets up on. Newt is especially good at noticing small things like when Thomas is anxious or overthinking: “He was just shocked that with all their exploring, the others hadn’t already discovered it on their own. And there were supposed to be TWO mazes. How had Newt and his friends not stumbled upon either one of them? ‘Tommy?’ Thomas realized Newt was staring straight at him, eyebrows raised. ‘Sorry,’ he said embarrassed, ‘wandered off for a second there what did you say?’ Newt shook his head in admonishment. ‘Try to keep up, Tommy Are you ready to see the grat outdoors?” (ch. 15). Also in chapter 23: “Tommy?’ It was Newt, breaking him out of his thoughts. ‘I can see your wheels spinnin’ up there.’ He tapped the side of his head”. This furthers Newts perceptiveness on his friend and Thomas’ ability to pick out when he is being looked after. And they bounce off each other really well in that aspect. To the point that Newt can crack a joke he knows will land right on Thomas’ sense of humor: “Newt waggled his fingers in front of Thomas’ face [...] A laugh exploded out of Thomas’ mouth that sent a spray everywhere. ‘Sorry’ he said, wiping his lips on his sleeve” (ch.15). It’s enjoyable to know that at least at a surface level, they have fun together and can cheer the other up if needed or know when to ground the other to reality. It is also through these instances that as a reader I pick up that Thomas’ nervous ticks perhaps allude to an anxiety disorder he has; of which Newt is aware of and never puts Thomas down on for exhibiting. He in fact understands it and deals with it accordingly as he himself has a similar circumstance. SO, what does all this paying attention lead to? Thomas’ devotion to protect Newt. Yeah, thats right I said devotion. Thomas’ actions are influenced by his developed instinct to protect Newt at all costs. Here is the biggest example that comes to mind: “What in the world happened to Newt? -- Less then two hours later, Thomas had spliced together a series of camera clips [...] Thomas turned off the feed. He couldn’t take it anymore...Newt, Newt, Newt, Thomas thought, feeling as if the very air around him were turning black.”(ch.52). Essentially, Thomas seeing Newt plummet to his near death by falling from the maze wall as a result of Newt’s ongoing depressive state, this is the moment that makes Thomas realize WICKD isn’t as good as they seem and that he is going into the maze to save Newt. Its admirable how much self sacrifice Thomas does for someone he cares so much about, to the point that their name is like a mantra. Thats a sensible area of passion and fighting spirit for someone who is “just a friend”. Oh and, the feeling of fondness is mutual mind you if I haven’t been clear. After experiencing the horrors of cranks for the first time, realizing Newt was not immune, and watching Newt until they entered the pits it has been months since they last interacted; this is their first reunion: “What’s up Tommy?’ Newt exclaimed, his face filled with genuine happiness at the pleasant surprise that’s been sprung on him. Thomas couldn’t remember exactly how long it’d been since he’d seen Newt. ‘You look bloody fantastic for three in the morning” (ch. 23). I need to preface this that Newt DOES NOT mean that sarcastically and that out of all the people in the room (Minho, Chuck and Teresa are there in this scene), Thomas only reacts this way specifically toward seeing Newt is okay and back. The characters are also not afraid of being physically close. “Well, look who the bloody copper dragged in,’ Newt said, pulling Thomas into a big hug” (ch.31), “They shook hands, and then the two of them set off...” (ch. 31), and my favorite: “Thomas jumped at the sound, then stumbled. Newt tripped over him, and then they were both laughing, legs and arms tangled in a pile on the ground”(ch.32). I don’t think this far in the novel, Thomas has been AS (emphasis on as) comfortable with touch with anyone else other than Newt. And thats a big step forward on the aspect of trust in a relationship, being able to be comfortable with the presence of another person enough to be as intimate with them as shown here. And all this, is just fever code itself. Mind you this is not the MEAT of the novels as it came out later. But even without it, lets look at Thomas in Maze now, I’ll try to keep this segment a lot more brief. Here’s Thomas looking respectively at boys his age: “A tall kid with blond hair and a square jaw...a thick, heavy muscled Asian kid folded his arms as he studied Thomas, his tight shirtsleeves rolled up to show off his biceps [...] Newt was taller than Alby too, but looked to be a year or so younger, His hair was blond and cut long, cascading over his T-shirt. Veins stuck out of his muscled arms”(ch. 2). Thomas’ initial reaction to being surrounded by boys is to deeply analyze their rugged good looks and heavily emphasize their best physical traits. When reading this the first time, my mind immediately thought this boy at the very least is supposed to be portrayed as bi, especially when later down the line Teresa gets a similar descriptor: “...despite her paleness, she was really pretty...silky hair, flawless skin, perfect lips, long legs.” So right off the bat, we know that be it boy or girl, Thomas emphasizes how attractive someone looks in his eyes when he truly does have a sense of attraction to them. Case closed. Within the same chapter we get Thomas also immediately clinging onto Newt for a sense of grounding, it is now ingrained in him at this point that the boy is his lifeline, a person to rely on. “Thomas looked over at Newt, hoping for help.” And help he does, Newt in this chapter helps ease his worries, explain a general idea of what the glade is and even pats him on the shoulder a bit to ease tension. And Thomas doesn’t bat an eye in the same way he’s weary of literally everyone else. In fact, he’s eager to stay put with him as shown with; “If Newt went up there, then I wanna talk to him.” And if none of that seals the deal, we got early bird Newt being so touch starved he flattens himself next to Thomas to wake him up at the crack of Dawn in chapter 6: “Someone shook Thomas awake. His eyes snapped open to see a too-close face staring down at him, everything around them still shadowed by the darkness of early morning...’Shh, Greenie. Don’t wanna be waking up Chuckie, now, do we?’ It was Newt --the guy who seemed second in command; the air reeked of his morning breath. Though Thomas was surprised, any alarm melted away immediately”. This whole scene follows firstly by Thomas once again impressed by how strong Newt is and then Newt giving him a rundown of what everyone else was too afraid to show Thomas, the grievers. And you know, this scene could’ve ended well and everything as totally platonic, but then we have “Newt turned to look at him dead in the eye. The first traces of dawn had crept up on them, and Thomas could see EVERY DETAIL OF NEWT’S FACE, HIS SKIN TIGHT, HIS BROW CREASED.” Now, look me in the eye and tell me there is a hetero explanation on looking at your best bro like they are the sun reincarnated themselves. But let’s not hog all the homosexual undertones with Thomas here. Wanna know what Newt’s initial reaction to having a girl in the glade was? “It’s a girl,’ he said [...] Newt shushed them again. ‘That’s not bloody half of it,’ he said, then pointed down into the box. ‘I think she’s dead” (ch.8). It’s actually a stark contrast to the other gladers eagerly wanting to know her age, how pretty she looked, and calling dibs to date her; Newt isn’t interested in any of that, he’s more perplexed on her status and not even bothering to remark on her looks, he was the only one not to and even remarks a few other instances that girls are more Thomas’ domain. For instance, he makes a joke in fever code when Thomas remarks that the girls in the institution were going to tackle him down, Newt proceeds to point out sarcastically something along the lines of “wait, isn’t that YOUR dream though?” So Newt is pretty out spoken of his disinterest in girls, and his full admiration and attention on Thomas. Oh, and yes, Newt immediately switches over to “Tommy” the moment Thomas mentions he hates being called greenie, and once again it just becomes a thing between only the two of them. Newt is also the one to be straight forward about the whole Runners business. He warns Thomas about the dangers and doesn’t necessarily turn him down on his desire to be one, he in fact encouraged him to just wait until the right moment. “No one said you couldn’t, but give it a rest for now”(ch. 15). So once again, Newt is the voice of confidence and reason for Thomas to prosper. In turn, this time around Thomas is the one to catch when something is bothering Newt. For instance, “Newt chewed his fingernails, something he hadn’t seen the older boy do before...he was genuinely concerned -- Newt was one of the few people in the Glade he actually liked ”(ch.16). Interesting how we went from fever code “friend” to “like”. And also, when Newt explains his concern about the runners not coming back yet, Thomas pieces together how scared Newt is of the Maze without being told and goes to stand next to him as a physical presence to ground Newt as they wait near the entrance. In fact, this piece is trivial to understand why Thomas does what he does next. When everyone else had given up on the Runners still outside with 2 minutes left til closing, and Newt was escorted away from the entrance, Thomas waited. And when Thomas saw them, he yells to Newt, realizes he’s too far to do anything, and makes a decision himself. He KNEW how much Newt cared about his fellow Gladers, they were like family or “kin” as its said in the book, so what does he do? “Don’t do it Tommy! Don’t you bloody do it!’ ... Thomas knew he had no choice. He moved. Forward. He squeezed past the connecting rods at the last second and stepped into the maze”(ch.16). Yes, Thomas does this because of his empathy for the Gladers, but the chain reaction of Newt’s concern is what sets his decision in stone. And yet again, Thomas enters the maze for Newt. And that’s pretty much the constant for the rest of Maze Runner the book, Newt just sticking up for Thomas and Thomas in turn just being happy that: “He was at least relieved that Newt was there” (ch.17). And thats basically their entire dynamic. Newt just going: “If you really did help design the maze Tommy, it’s not your fault. You‘re a kid -- you can’t help what they forced you to do” to ease the survivor’s trauma Thomas has, as well as saying “I actually believe you. You just don’t have an ounce of lying in those eyes of yours. And I can’t bloody believe I’m about to say this...but I’m going back in there to convince those shanks we should go through the griever hole, just like you said”(ch.51); and I think thats the most romantic thing to hear from him. Just right out being all for supporting Thomas no matter what happens as long as he stays alive and continues to fight, he doesn’t care about what happened before. And Thomas eats that up because it fuels him even more to seek out a means to escape for the people (Newt) that deserve a life outside of running from monsters forever. So essentially, I’ll state again, it’s always been Newt the catalyst for Thomas to run head first into the Maze and seek freedom. And with all this I can clear that these two are shown to if not be romantically involved, at least have unconditional love for the other that transcends the author’s original intention. And with that in mind, here’s the thing with Teresa as a love interest. I can list here quotes of every time she mind speaks to Thomas and how that affects him, but then this would be too long. And this is a newtmas post gosh darn it. Teresa is gleeful to humiliate, control, hurt, and force Thomas to believe they’re in love. In multiple instances we get her barging into his mind unwarranted making him understand that she has full access to his inner most thoughts. Theres nothing romantic about that, and I think its why Thomas ends up being so perceptive to the smallest of gestures that allow him to think on his own and feel like his own person. Something I’ve seen Brenda do later in scorch, and something I’ve seen Newt do since the very beginning is that they allow Thomas to come to his own conclusions in order to create his own opinions on the matters at hand. Thomas’ love language revolves around words of affirmation. He likes it when people confirm his thoughts are valid and that remind him that WICKD can’t hurt him anymore now that he has the power to be his own person. This is where Newt comes in very handy. He allows Thomas to grow in ways his female love interests have yet to show, sorry Brenda but I’ve heard you were trying to unite all immunes together to the safe haven by the end and in a sense still only using Thomas to get by; I still think she was the better call than teresa of course and I have no remorse for Teresa getting smushed by a boulder. But essentially my point here is that, how do you fail to make your initial love interests clash so badly where one has no real care about the others well being so long as everything goes according to WCKD by using a form of gaslighting and manipulation? AND THOMAS HAS STATED HIS DISCOMFORT ON THIS MULTIPLE TIMES, but the narrative always erases these instances from his mind in place of pity for Teresa’s well being (as you can tell, Teresa through this becomes my least favorite character, I can rant about her some othe time though with proper backing). The narrative in turn treats it all like a joke. I understand there are scenes where Thomas is worried about her and looks out to make sure shes ok, but even then he doesn’t know how to react with mental images of her kissing his cheek or when she screams the next minute that she doesn’t know who he is or how hes speaking into her mind. And thats because they can’t properly communicate their emotions to the other, not even in fever code could Thomas give a forward answer if he loved Teresa or not, she just assumed. Come to think of it, Thomas really doesn’t show much affection to Teresa of his own accord. So then, how DOES Thomas show his affection? Thomas provides acts of service as his love language, if he cares about you enough he will risk his life for you. Why? Because Thomas values putting the people he loves foremost knowing full well they are what help him have purpose and succeed in continuing on. In a way, Newt and Thomas’ dynamic works in this instance because they balance the other out and because they have seen each other at their worst and at their best. In a way, that's why knowing the ending of the books makes it harder to accept that Thomas would just easily take the shot...when all his life clung to Newt’s survival. But that’s a story for another time where I compare the movies (of which let me make that clear, yes I prefer) over the books. For now just know that the book may have done this by accident, maybe not, but at the end of the day theres solid proof that Thomas and Newt care about each other in a way that is separately portrayed from their connection to the other glade members, and have this consistency of soft moments running through the entirety of the series. In conclusion; newtmas. Newtmas. NEWTMAS, etc.

#Newtmas #long post #Skquill #ask #The ending gets a bit ranty with Teresa I must admit #but for the most part its just me recalling the best newtmas moments from the novels I've currently read #Please add on more newtmas proof to the thread

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pagingevilspawn · 3 years

Text

you gave me your word (but that didn't matter)

t.s x jolex week 21

day seven: sour- traitor

wc: 1.1k

pairing: Jo Wilson/Alex Karev (past). Alex Karev/Izzie Stevens

summary: jo writes a letter (spoiler alert; it's a shame she's the only one who ever sees it.)

rating: general audiences

warnings: angst, heartbreak, no happy ending

A/N: this is my favorite thing i've ever written for jolex. for once i can say i'm actually proud of a fic i put out. i hope you guys like it too! this is actually part of another series i'm working on that i'll probably never finish, but hey... it's worth a shot. again, enjoy!

____

The pen felt heavy in her hand, but she knew that if she truly wanted to let him go, she would let her hands write the words her lips so desperately wanted to say.

And with that, she began to write.

Alex,

The truth is that I could play dumb. I could say that you acted perfectly normal in the weeks leading up to your trip to what I thought was Iowa. I could say that your eyes didn’t look guilty every time they said they loved me, that your little white lies went unnoticed. But then I’d be lying, and that makes me just as bad as you.

I brushed it off then, thinking that you were just stressed about your mom, worrying that it would take a strain on our life together if you needed to spend more time out there than you originally had planned for. I made excuses for you. I shouldn’t have.

Because I know now that you talked to her —Izzie, who knows, maybe you even did worse; whispered through the phone that you couldn’t wait to see her the same way you had once for me. But I said nothing, because I thought that at the end of the day, when the calls to your ‘mom’ were over, you would crawl back into bed with me. And you did. For a while.

It’s almost humorous, the way that the second that you came back into contact with her you had already left me. There’s no point in denying it. You weren’t mine anymore. And not just because she had your kids, you said it yourself, how it was like no time had passed. Funny, last time you saw each other she had left you in a letter, only to come back later and for you to end things. Quite a different situation that the one you’re currently in.

You betrayed me, Alex. You can say that you’re sorry all you want, but I don't think that you are. I think that you're so caught up in this picture perfect life with your new blonde girl and what I’m assuming are little blonde children that you haven’t realized how much your actions have hurt me. Because I like to think that the man I know, the man I married, would never have done something that he knew would hurt me so greatly.

I loved you Alex, through everything. Every crappy thing you’d ever said in a fit of anger, any hurtful word you might’ve muttered without thinking, I loved you through it all. I was there for you. But it seems like in the end, none of that matters, because I’m here, and you’re not.

How long did it take you Alex? How long did it take you to wrap her in your arms and whisper that you love her? Two weeks? Did it take you two weeks to go off and date her? To whisk her off to some nice restaurant that you would never take me to because you knew how much I hated places like those. (You’d told me once that me and Izzie were nothing alike, almost polar opposites personality wise.)

I’m choosing to believe that you didn’t cheat. That you didn’t sleep with her or kiss her until you had been told that our divorce papers had been filed. I’m choosing to believe that you weren't a cheater. But you’re still a traitor.

You’ve made me question everything Alex. I never doubted that you loved me. I know that you did. I’m just wondering if you ever loved me as much as you loved her. If you ever stop being in love with her.

Because, let’s be real here for a second, if you were being honest with me for all these years, and that you were in love with me, then that means that you also never fell out of love with her. Because there’s no way you can fall in love with someone that quickly.

Looking back on it now, I feel a bit foolish. You never answered my questions about her, giving me short answers that I associated with memories that you would rather not bring to the surface. But what was it really Alex? Were you scared that talking about her would show me that you weren’t really over her? That you were still in love with her, like you were with me?

I brought up the embryos once, remember that? You’d told me that I was paranoid, that you didn’t have babies with Izzie. (But would you look at that? You did)

I had said that even if you didn’t have babies with Izzie, you wanted them. You'd assured me that you wanted everything with me, but was that just because you didn’t think you could have it with her? Was I just second place?

Because if you wanted everything with me Alex, truly wanted everything, you would’ve told me. You would’ve told me about Izzie, you would’ve told me about your twins, and not through a letter. If you truly wanted everything with me Alex, the dog, the kids, and the stupid house with a white picket fence in a good school district, you would’ve told me everything. Because you know me better than I know myself Alex, and you know damn well that I would’ve easily become a step-mom to your kids. I would’ve moved to Kansas if you wanted to. I would’ve gotten us a house out here if you preferred that. I would’ve done anything without hesitation Alex, and it wouldn’t have been much of a sacrifice, because I would’ve had you.

And that’s all I ever really wanted.

I want you to promise me something. It’s the least you owe me, after all.

When you and Izzie are sleeping in the bed we made (the way the comforter is folded back the way I showed you so that you can have both on leg under and on leg on top when you sleep) don’t you dare forget about the way you betrayed me.

—Jo.

She signs off her name, and she can finally feel the hot tears on her cheeks, multiple drops splatter across the pages, blotting the ink. She folds the papers, placing them into the envelope she had set off to the side for this.

To: The Traitor the envelope reads, and she takes a match to the object that had once caused her so much pain—

And she lets it burn.

God I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.

____

@thejolexgroupchat

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faeirs · 3 years

Text

I am going to gently peel away Edolon’s layers like an especially fucked up onion in this post because I haven’t really seen anyone analyse him so far.

[Warning: talks of cults, religion, and death + spoilers.]

Now, the intent of this is not to invalidate anyone’s point of view, nor is it to upset anyone or make them feel bad. The intent of this analysis is actually to bring attention to his trauma and issues, as I personally have not seen anyone partake in said activity so far (keep in mind I’m making this post on the 4th of March, 2021), and I wholeheartedly enjoy shining light on subjects that usually don’t get talked about all that often. The intention of this post is to simply encourage a more sympathetic behaviour towards the purpleblood in question.

I will say it outright before I go into detail — I wholeheartedly believe that Edolon is a victim. I do not think of him as a villain, at-least not by the definition that we are the most familiar with. This does not mean that I’m justifying his actions by any means, it just means that I’m giving a reasoning for them. Being a victim that is deserving of help, therapy, and love, and having done a few morally questionable things yourself, are not necessarily exclusive sets of traits, and I genuinely wish that this mindset was more common.

Now, to get on with the actual analysis:

As I said earlier — Edolon Vryche is a victim. Of what, you ask? A-lot of things. Child neglect, isolation, falling into the hands of a cult and then being used as a ‘secret weapon’’, constant underestimation and possible degradation, constantly being plagued by feelings of helplessness, manipulation, being forced to murder his lover, and then eventually losing one of his hands. I feel like all of this often goes unseen by the fandom but he has led a very tragic and unfortunate life and it is no wonder that he is so desperate for control and power now.

We are well-aware of the fact that Clarud Enthal, better known as The Executive, severely wronged Edolon in some manner. Of-course, you could presume whatever Edolon said in regards to him to be nothing more than lies to gain the sympathy of others but I would have to disagree. He clearly did not care about how the audience perceived him; he couldn’t give less of a damn about them. Not only that, but through Clarud’s previous interactions with Sestro, I think we can all safely agree that he wasn’t the most reliable man in the universe. If we can sympathise with Sestro’s situation in regards to The Executive, what’s stopping us from giving Edolon the same treatment? Especially once you realise that he was actually treated much worse, too. Clarud literally isolated Edolon — he neglected Edolon and was not the figure that he should have been in his life. Edolon truly was denied what was rightfully his, not only in terms of inheritance but also in terms of love and support.

While we’re on the subject of love and support, let’s discuss Edolon’s former lover — Seinru Narako, the Witch of Light. It’s safe to say that Edolon didn’t get to associate with other people on a deep and vulnerable level, so Seinru was really his only source of comfort and affection. Isn’t it slightly unnerving for a character that has been stated to be ‘subtly manipulative’ in their Wikipedia page to be the only form of solace for another? It has been stated that he was rather dependent on them too — it’s understandable, considering they were possibly the only one to ever show him any sort of affection or love, but concerning nonetheless. We only got to see Seinru twice; first in the “[S] WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM.” video, and then on the 1102nd page, as well as three that following ones — who knows for how long they had been manipulating him. They kept on talking about how fruitful the entire process would be for him, but let’s face the facts; it wasn’t for his sake, it was for the sake of the cult.

It makes even more sense once you realise the manipulative nature of cults; they isolate you from everyone else and slowly corrupt your sense of self. Cults often get idolised or joked about for the sake of certain aesthetics but the trauma they cause is nothing to be taken lightly. Religious trauma in general, whether rooting from a cult or just faith in general (though especially cults), is nothing to be joked about — this is coming from someone with religious trauma themself. Being strongly associated with religion can make or break someone, depending on whether the bond is positive or negative. It can ruin your self-perception, your sense of identity, your priorities — everything.

Manipulation seems to be fairly prevalent in the cult that Edolon in a part of, too. Especially when you take a look at the 1535th page, in which Hogan is seen holding a paper depicting the full plan. Edolon is referred to as their ‘special weapon’. He isn’t a person to them; he never was. He has always just been a means to an end — a pawn to make their plans easier to come into fruition. No-one has ever treated him like a person, but especially not the cult. He thinks he acquired power after making that sacrifice but not really. It’s kind of sad, keeping in mind that he has probably always dealt with feelings of helplessness and powerlessness, as implied by a-lot of what Seinru said during the 1102nd, 1103rd, and 1104th pages of Vast Error. In-fact, I feel like we should give more importance to the discussion Edolon had with them; it brings attention to a-lot of things we might not have noticed otherwise. Such as Edolon’s fear of letting them down and disappointing them.

Narako said, and I quote, “All of this is for you. So please, don't reject this gift. Don't let me down, now of all times.” What stops us from speculating that Edolon doesn’t have a crushing fear of failure? Of letting everyone down? Of letting the cult down? Of letting his former lover down? Who is to say that this man is not plagued by the weight of the expectations placed upon him since childhood? So many expectations, and yet he was still underestimated. He was clearly still not seen as enough. I know everyone perceives Edolon to be this confident, intimidating figure but I suspect that couldn’t be further from the truth. I do believe that he is a competent and potent man, yes, but he is equally traumatised and scarred. He is insecure, he is frightened, but most of all — he is lonely. He always has been, and with the path he is leading, he always will be. Besides — wouldn’t it be ironic? For a character so desperate to preach a message of ‘happiness’, to never truly be happy? With how his life has played out, I doubt he has ever felt true joy at any point of his life; he is a man that was hatched into tragedy.

I should also mention that I ended up making one specific connection that makes things a bit more heartwrenching:

“Otherwise, everything we've accomplished together, all that we've worked so hard for up until this very moment… All that pain would be rendered meaningless.”

It’s quite similar to pretty much everything said in the tangent regarding pain that Edolon went on in the 710th page of the source material, but it especially applies to one specific line — “but here's the catch: when dealt in excess, the very idea of pain, no matter the cause… becomes simply— meaningless.” Is it not likely that a part of him still mourns her? I’d say it is very probable, especially when you keep the countenance he wore after being reminded of the whole event. He is clearly still hurting, and that is completely understandable; this man has been through so much — how can you not expect him to act the way he does? He is full of so much repressed emotion — so much anger and frustration, and no-one ever taught him how to properly express his feelings. His actions may not be justified, but his rage is. He is as worthy of love and therapy as the rest of the characters.

#edolon vryche #edolon #vast error #manipulate mansplain maleboss (edolon)#cult tw #religion tw #long post tw #death tw

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persephones-deadly-nightshade · 3 years

Text

Beauty and The Beast

ft. familial relationships

A platonic JasonXSteph pre-romantic TimSteph

Background:

The batfamily are loyal protectors. A mix between knights a vigilantes. Jason dies. Jason gets resurrected via the pit. Jason comes back pissed. He returns home though, doesn’t go on a killing spree, slowly incorporates back into the family.

Jason still dislikes Tim, (Replacement) and Damian (Demon Brat). He is still bitter at Bruce, (B stands for bitch) and resenting Dick(Golden boy/perfect child). He loves Cass (hard not to.)

Anyways something happens, maybe he’s benched Demon Spawns not, pit rage occurs, a guest pops by the door.

Guest is treated rudely and prepares to curse entire family.

Alfred and Bruce welcome her in.

She doesn’t curse yet.

Hears Jason wish he didn’t have family. Family sucks.

Curses him into a beast, transforms his servants into furniture, telling him if he doesn’t feel brotherly love and learn to appreciate family, they’ll stick. The family (Ohana Bitches) intervene to give him a shot to fix this.

They sacrifice their voices/bodies for time. Each person earns Jason an extra 20 years. (100 total) His family members are like ghosts, unable to communicate with Jason besides occasional impressions. They’ll be back if he ever breaks the curse.

Jason is horrified at himself and sinks deep into depression. The pit madness rages more often than not. Time is passing all to quickly...

Start of Story:

Meet Steph. She is a pretty girl, but all to smart and spirited for her village. She loves her mother, another smart woman, an nurse from the city who moved from the country at the behest of her controlling husband.

Meet the controlling husband, Arthur Brown, aka the “Gaston” of the story.

He is not a good person, or father, but the town loves him.

He wants a “perfect” daughter. Timid, reserved, demure. Steph is resisting, but soon she won’t be able to put him off.

Her mother goes into the city for special herbs, needed as the village healer. She ends up seeking refuge in the beast’s castle.

Alfred, who previously disconnected from the Waynes, becoming more butler than grandpa to keep Jason company, takes care of her.

Jason flashes back to the last woman whom they invited in and pit madness overtakes him. He throws her in the dungeons.

Steph comes looking for her mother, running towards the terrifying castle because without her mom, Arthur Brown would bend her quickly to his will.

Steph and Jason’s first meeting was... A disaster.

Think Steph screaming, think Jason screaming back. Think Alfred pushing her into the guest bedroom as the Waynes try to calm Jason the fuck down so he can use the girl to break the curse.

They are in an awkward limbo for days.

Alfred, fed up, escorts Mrs. Brown out in exchange for Stephanie, after explaining what the very aro/ace Jason will need from Steph. (Basically reassurance that Steph would be trapped, but zero chance of getting raped or seduced.)

Because she must not think of him a brother purely for the curse, Steph doesn’t get the full story.

The first week and a half is Jason avoiding the fuck out of Stephanie and being annoyed at Alfred’s deal.

Steph is terrified. She rashly agreed to this deal including spending time with a giant strong monster, Alfred is kind, but she hasn’t seen the silver candlestick since he broke the rules. She is fearing for his safety.

Alfred’s fine, just giving Jason an I’m so disappointed in you silence.”

Eventually, Steph starts poking around.

To preserve his brother’s privacy, he stops her before she can go into the family wing, and has Alfred show her the library. Steph is bored.

She pokes around more. Jason bodily stands in her way.

She persistently pokes him into spending time together. Listen, She is really fucking bored out of her mind.

Alfred refuses to show her the training room, so Jason has to do it.

Less than a month later, he caves. (Steph is annoying persistent)

Her eyes light up at the sight of punching bags and Cass’ equipment, that girls were allowed to fight maybe she could.

She doesn’t ask for permission.

He catches her throwing a fucking terrible punch.

He can’t let that stand.

The fam watches in glee, as the blonde pokes every single one of his buttons, and accidentally/unknowingly manipulates him into spending time with her. (Tim might just be falling in love)

(She out of his league, like a lot)

Invisible family thinks it’s adorable.

Alfred tells her the history of the manor, and about the Batfam spirits. They comfort her when she gets scared, an impression of warmth and safety.

She learns to differentiate. She notices Tim spending a lot of time, doesn’t know it’s Tim. Alfred Knows. Alfred knows all.

Eventually Jason begins liking teaching, and instead of just a harsh taskmaster, he becomes more of a mentor.

Coins her Spoiler after hearing about how she resists her shitty dad.

Winter comes. He teaches her siege warfare and silent moving through snowball fights and games.

He teachers her piano. How the fuck is his voice that nice?

He teachers her to cook and they have ingredient fights. If she can get him in a good mood, he’ll tell silly stories about his family, going all wistful.

Good things come to an end. She gets word that her father is beating Mrs. Brown because she managed to escape. It’s her fault, her mother is getting hurt.

A worried Jason bans her from going home.

Steph runs away anyways, with a purple cloak streaming behind her.

Wolves attack. She can’t hold them all off.

The Red Hood makes an appearance, saving her life.

The Pit rage comes back, he almost couldn’t protect her. Suddenly her broken body gets replaced with, little Timbo’s, babybat’s, his dad’s, Big Wing’s, and Cass’. All gone because he couldn’t control himself. The depression returns full force.

He barricades himself in his room.

Steph punches the punching bag, often. She knows she fucked up. She misses her mentor. Things deteriorate.

The orange rose petals are almost out.

Jason, unable to stand the sight of Steph after associating her with his family, sends a carriage for her to take home, gives her weapons to stand up for herself easier.

Steph, split worried between her mother and Jason, takes the opportunity to go home, as Jason will have Alfred, but her mom has nobody.

She gets home to try to protect her mother, and her father captures her and puts her in a shock color that is programmed to send a jolt of electricity each time he presses the button. (Aka when she disobeys)

Arthur Brown, annoyed that she had been protected from him for that long, and dismayed that she had learned to fight, (That punch to his face was beautiful Steph, the whole Batfam is proud.) Decides to storm Wayne castle.

Mrs. Brown (’cause I still don’t know her name) notices Steph looking troubled and tells her to escape and send a warning to her new family.

Steph denies the family part twice before her mom shuts her up with a look and pretty much said, “Steph, he’s like, your perfect older brother. You guys even have nicknames.”

Steph realizes she’s right.

Steph disables collar and runs toward the manor, taking the conveniently located, super secret passage.

(She didn’t take it home initially because she didn’t know, then Alfred told her after the wolf attack, but it wasn’t an emergency because Jason prepped a carriage.)

So Steph arrives as her father does, he is still the better fighter, so Jason goes up against Arthur Brown as Steph and the furniture/servants take out the mob.

As they are fighting, it is, of course, the perfect time for a heart-to-heart.

“Why did you come back?/Why did you avoid me?”

“I can’t lose my brother!/I can’t stand seeing my family hurting!”

“What?!?/What!?!

“Cool/Sup.”

Arthur Brown gets a lucky hit in when the two are dramatically confessing their new familial bonds.

Jason falls.

Arthur gloats.

Steph knocks him the fuck out. (Heartwarming)

Steph then bear hugs Jason, Jason pecks her forehead.

Swirl of magic...

The servants turn human, the Waynes resolidify. There is a beautiful reunion. Oh, Jason also rebecomes human. (Meh)

Bonus-

As Tim is reforming, Dick shoves him towards Steph. All the bats think a blushing Tim would be hilarious.

He ends up a little to close.

Steph seeing a person she does not know directly in her personal space. Promptly bends down and yeets the brick she is holding. (Mwahahaha)

It was the start of a beautiful romance for the ages.

#platonic jaysteph #batfamily #batfam #batbros #timsteph #dcu #disney #beauty and the beast #batfamily au #familial love #DisneyXBatfam Headcannons

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jawritter · 3 years

Text

Pieces Of Me

Summary: It can be so hard to let go, no matter how much you think you’ve prepared yourself.

Warnings: **SPOILERS** Season 15 episode 20, Carry On spoilers. Read with caution! Angst, Character Death, language, heartache, panic attack, fluff, Jensen is a sweetheart. I think that’s about it.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 1908

Request by: @msmarvelouswinchester! I hope you like it love!!

A/N: This fic is completely unbeta’d so all mistakes are mine. It’s personal, and it was hard to write. There are alot of emotions in there, but I tried to be a switzerland as I could manage, because I’m still feeling it too guys! Feedback is golden! I hope you all enjoy this one!

**MASTERLIST** **BECOME A PATREON**

“Ready sweetheart?” Jensen asked you not even an hour before as he sat down next to you on the sectional that was spread out in the living room, pulling the blanket from the back of the couch and draping it over the pair of you as you settled into his side, letting the scent of his body wash and the warmth of his body comfort your nervous, restless heart as only he could.

“As I’ll ever be,” you responded, tucking yourself deeper into his into the warm little cocoon the two of you had created for yourselves.

Jensen flipped the TV to the CW and grabbed his beer from next to the couch where the two of you were sitting.

This was it, the final episode of Supernatural. “For now,” as Jensen has been saying. You knew he was having just as much trouble letting go of Dean as you were. Dean had been such a large piece of Jensen’s life for the past fifteen years, and being a part of anything for that long, no matter what it was, was going to be really hard to let go.

In fact, the two of you had already decided to continue writing Dean’s story in hopes of a revival sooner rather than later.

He’d called you the night he wrapped for the last time crying like he’d lost his best friend. That was a part of him the world didn’t get to see. The part of him that seemed to be grieving the loss of his “best imaginary friend.” It scared you, but you wouldn’t let him spoil the final episode for you.

You’d been watching Supernatural for years, and even though you were in a relationship with Jensen, it didn’t take away from your love for Dean. In fact, you enjoyed seeing the little glimpse of Jensen here and there in Dean. The little traits that Dean had “picked up from Jensen”. He’d put so much of himself into the role that sometimes it was hard to tell the two apart. He brought Dean alive in more ways than on the screen. He made him real, relatable, a person that everyone fell in love hard with. Including you. Jensen had said so many times that “Dean is a piece of me,” and anyone who knew Jensen personally could see that without a struggle.

Dean was your best imaginary friend too. Whether Jensen realized it or not, Dean had gotten you through some pretty hard stuff in your life long before you had even met Jensen. He was woven into the fabric of your past and present. He was a part of you, just like he was Jensen and so many other people.

You had been crying for days in secret, knowing that tonight would bring the end. You didn’t want to let it on to Jensen just how hard of a time you were having accepting this ending of an error. So you kept it hid, and prepared yourself, promising yourself that you wouldn’t cry tonight no matter what.

Boy were you wrong.

At first, you weren’t sure what was happening was real. At first, you were confused. Just as much as Sam was even. Then you figured it out, and man, that’s when the waterworks started. Still, you held out hope that at the last minute someone was going to step in just in time and save Dean...but then no one did. It crushed you.

The pressure started to build in your chest, and the tears started to flow down your face like floodgates had been opened. You couldn’t accept it. No, Dean deserved more than this. After all he’d lived through, after everything he’d been put through, all the trauma, all the heartache, all the sacrifice, and they killed him like this? It didn’t seem right, it didn’t seem fair, but most of all it was devastating.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe. You wanted to scream, but couldn’t, you had no real expression for the utter agony that was ripping its way through your very soul.

Jensen quickly paused the TV and got down on his knees in front of you to cradle your face in his hands.

“Sweetheart, hey, hey look at me, baby. It’s okay, I’m here. Breath with me baby girl,” he said, taking a deep breath which you tried to mimic with so much difficulty that it physically hurt.

“That’s it, baby, just breathe me,” he cooed in an attempt to calm you.

Your head was racing with thoughts that seemed to only make you feel like you were spirling worse, and you were having trouble getting the image of Dean impaled to a pole in a dirty barn out of your mind even though Jensen was physically kneeling in front of you doing all he could to help you calm down.

After a while, you got your breathing under control, but the tears seemed like they were never going to stop. Jensen got up off the floor once he was certain you weren’t going to pass out on him, and pulled you into his lap on the couch, rocking the two of you slightly as he wrapped the blanket back around you, kissing your forehead and holding you tightly to him while you tried to process what you had just witnessed.

“Talk to me baby,” Jensen said, brushing the hair away from your face with his free hand, nuzzling into your hair to get as close as possible as he could to you.

“Why?” was all you could seem to get out through the still free-falling tears.

Jensen swallowed the lump that had seemed to feel as if it were closing off his own throat and placed a chased kiss to your forehead again as he tried to come up with an answer that he really didn't have. He’d had his own struggles with the ending, and this, seeing your reaction, only made his own feelings that much more prominent in that moment.

“Baby I wish I had the answer to that, but I don’t,” he said, his own thoughts were still a mess on this subject, and if truth be told, he didn’t want to let go of Dean either.

“It’s not fair,” you tell him through choked sobs that are still wracking your grief riddled body.

“I know sweetheart, but what death in life has ever been fair? Dean died doing what he loved to do, he was saving people. He died saving those kids, and he gave his baby brother one last chance to have a real-life away from the horrors they had grown up in. He died doing what he loved. He still died a hero.”

You sat there for a moment as Jensen’s words sunk in, but you just couldn’t let it go, you couldn’t digest it.

“Jay, they killed him by impaling him on a pole! He deserved so much better than that! Why couldn’t he get the chance at a normal life? Why couldn’t he have a happy ending? It’s not fair that Sam got a chance to experience a family, it’s not fair that Dean had to die that way. I can’t accept it. I can’t.”

Jensen placed two fingers under your chin and guided your gaze up to his, searching your gaze for a moment as you searched his before wiping away the tears that had stained your cheeks.

“Dean’s still right here, he’s a piece of me, sweetheart, he’s not going anywhere anytime soon,” he said, dropping his voice at least a whole octave to Dean’s deep gravel for a moment, and a chill ran through your system at the sudden change in him. Jensen never ceased to amaze you when it came to his ability to do that. Just turn it on in an instance, and lose himself totally to the character he was playing at that moment.

He brought his lips to yours in a deep and slow kiss that took your breath away before looking back at you with your Jensen firmly back in the center of the conversation, resting his forehead against yours and holding you close to him as physically possible as if he were trying to hold you together.

“Nothing in Supernatural ever really stays gone, and Dean’s right here sweetheart,” taking your hand in his he placed it to his chest where you could feel his heartbeat just below the surface of his thin shirt.

“He’s grown with me for fifteen years. He was my best friend, he was the guy I’d hide behind and talk to when I couldn’t find the words to face whatever it was myself. He was there on the nights I spent alone in Vancouver filming, and I didn’t have anyone to come home to. He listens and knows some of my deepest, darkest parts of me, and more importantly, if it weren’t for him I’d never have met you.”

Jensen’s hands brushed past your cheek and into your hair as if he were grounding himself against his own emotions, kissing you quickly again before he could continue.

“Death is a part of life, and Dean died on his terms. He died saving people, hunting things, and he died just as much of a hero as he would have if he would have gone down in the biggest blaze of glory money could buy. He was happy, he was at peace, and most importantly he can rest now. The load is gone, and he can have the peace he’s deserved for so long. It’s not how we die baby, it’s how we live that matters, and Dean lived and died by his terms, not chucks, not the writers, not anyone else, and if you ever miss him just remember he’s right here.”

You took a shaky breath and buried your head in Jensen’s shoulder, breathing in his scent and his comfort that only he could ever give you as the two of you sat wrapped in each other's embrace.

“I’m so proud of you Jensen. I’m so fucking proud of what you’ve created through Supernatural and through Dean. I know it will get easier, but right now it’s a hard pill to swallow for me. I can only imagine what it was like for you to have to do that after fifteen years of playing this character. I see so much of you in Dean. He’s such a big piece of you.”

Jensen brushed his lips over your own again before grabbing the remote and turning off the TV before standing with you in his arms as if you weighed nothing at all, and carried you towards your shared bedroom to lay you down in his arms.

Sure, Dean was a piece of him that was larger than he even realized until he had to let him go, but you were a big part of his heart too, and tonight he knew your heart was heavy with the loss that he’d been dealing with for months alone, not able to tell anyone or warn anyone of its outcome. So tonight you’d both grieve the loss of your best imaginary friend, and tomorrow you would pick up the pen and continue writing Dean’s story, because as long as you kept it going Dean would never truly be gone, so that’s what you do. He still had work to do, after all, the world would always need Dean Winchester.

Forever Tags: @deanwanddamons @rvgrsbrns @chevyharvelle @onethirstyunicorn @i-love-superhero @akshi8278 @lyss-dw79 @magssteenkamp @lemondropirwin @squirrelnotsam @hobby27 @spnbaby-67 @mrsjenniferwinchester @defenderrosetyler @screechingartisancashbailiff @thecreatiivecorner @aflamboyanceofgays @vicmc624 @busy-bee-angel-misska @justanotherwinchester @brilovesdeanwinchester @idksupernatural @lyarr24 @amandamdiehl @love-jackles @miraclesoflove @Waywardsistershy @emoryhemsworth @dean-winchesters-gardian-angel @softsebastian @tatted-trina6 @anaelsbrunette @hayleeharling @flamencodiva @coldmuffinbanditshoe @bxbyizzy @dirty-pan-goblin @itmejado @supernatural3002 @teresa-67 @thoughts-and-funnies @hearteyes-j2 @miss-nerd95 @writers-whirlwind

#jensen ackles #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles fanfic #jensen ackles one shot #jensen ackles comfort fic #dean winchester #jensen x reader #jensen x you #dean winchester x reader #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #spn one shot #spn comfort fic #x reader inserts #jawritter #pieces of me

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theartistichuman · 3 years

Text

Tma 200 spoilers

I might post this to my ao3. This is a rough draft so please ignore the subpar writing.

Summary-

Melanie and Georgie heal.

They never did find the bodies in the end. That’s not for lack of trying; they scoured every inch of what used to be The Magnus Institute. They found a plethora of tapes, and some preserved Leitners (Georgie insisted on throwing them out, despite Melanie insisting that they were safe, and even if they weren’t they couldn’t hurt her anyways) but not a single body. Not even of the previous archivists.

Neither of them knew exactly what that meant. Georgie stayed stubbornly optimistic, but Melanie knew better. Georgie may have had her encounters, but Melanie almost was an encounter. She knew what it felt like to be afraid of what you’re becoming, but to want to hurt people anyways. She knew what it felt like to want to burn the world around you, and just keep walking. Melanie wanted to believe what Georgie did- that those two were dead and at rest- but she didn’t have the hope to keep it up. Not like Georgie did.

It takes time to make a new normal. Most days it felt like the world was holding its breath; waiting for the moment that their rest would be interrupted and they would be dragged back into their fear. Georgie started going to therapy, and seemed all the better for it. Melanie saw a psychiatrist every month or so for a check up, but after spending so long with Laverne worshipping her, she knew she needed a bit more time. It wasn’t good to put it off, but Georgie (and, by proxy, Georgie’s therapist) insist she take her time.

Georgie starts her podcast up after Melanie scolds her for getting stir crazy (employment was still fickle). She changed the theme, citing t that people probably wouldn’t want to speculate about the supernatural after they lived it. Instead she starts inviting people to send in her stories.

“Community counseling”Georgie told her over their celebratory dinner (dinosaur chicken nuggets and boxed wine) “people might feel better if they get their stories out there.”

Melanie highly doubted that, but she was the first guest on the newly rebranded ‘What the Apocalypse’ anyways. (It did make her feel better, but she suspects Georgie knows without her admitting it.)

The Admiral is different from how he was before. He didn’t pounce on things and his separation anxiety got so bad the vet put him on meds. The Admiral didn’t seem to like the dark much either, but according to Georgie that might not be because of the end of the world.

Every morning they take their meds together at breakfast. Melanie (with the assistance of her Scanmarker Air, that she refers to as her “sketchmarker air” to Georgie’s dismay) gets The Admiral his tuna, as Georgie makes them cereal.

Every evening they sit together and listen to their favorite books. Georgie will order them Hungarian on Fridays, and Melanie buys a cat carrier for The Admiral for Tuesday walks. It feels like family, and Melanie loves it so much it hurts.

Basira wanders in an out of their lives. Melanie isn’t sure what she’s up to, but she seems lost. Before she always seemed headstrong and powerful: like she knew where she was going and why. But now, without the pressure of the world on her shoulders, Basira seemed... timid almost.

Whenever Basira came over Georgie and Melanie would bring out their board games. They would drink an obscene amount of apple juice, and laugh until the sun came up. Basira never stayed past that, and they never asked her to.

One day Georgie interrupts their newfound evening “Melanie, we should talk.”

“About.....?” Melanie tries to point her face at where she approximates Georgie’s is. Georgie gently touches Melanie’s chin and guides her face up.

“Up here babe,” she says, fondly, “but I’ve told you that you don’t need to do that.”

Melanie knows she doesn’t need to do it, but the hand on her skin makes it worth it.

“I know.” She says back. “But I’m being polite.”

Georgie snorts. “Polite? You? You made Martin cry in your first week of work.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Melanie takes the hand on chin, and rubs her thumb across the knuckles. She ignores the small pang of loss she feels at his name. She thinks that in a different life they would’ve gotten along, maybe even been friends. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

“Martin, actually. Well, Martin and Jon.” Georgie said. “I was thinking, and I understand if you disagree, that maybe we could... do something for them? Like a funeral or memorial or something? Maybe even just a headstone or something.”

Melanie opens her mouth to respond, but Georgie rushes in before she speaks.

“And I know you and Jon never got along, but I just think that after everything he deserves it. And even if he doesn’t , Martin certainly does. Even if neither of them deserve it I think it would help. My therapist told me I need closure, and I just thought-“

“Babe, babe, slow down,”Melanie interrupts, “I’d love to. Even if Jon and I... even if he was a bit of a wanker, he did sacrifice himself to end the apocalypse. And. Well, I just think t-that-“

Melanie stutters to stop for a moment to think. Georgie seems to understand that she’s not done, and squeezes her hand. Melanie takes a deep breath before continuing.

“I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up. Or after that. It was just me and my dad. When he died, they told me- they told me I couldn’t bury him. I couldn’t even have the ashes. Some bullshit about how he was part of a crime scene, which, looking now, didn’t make any sense. Not that I had enough money or time for a funeral, but... well, any closure would have been nice. I just- I just- I just don’t think I could let anyone close to me go un-un- I don’t know it’s just... it’s just bad.” Melanie winces a bit at her ending.

Georgie doesn’t say anything. Her hand stills from where she was playing with Melanie’s fingers. Melanie realizes a little belatedly, that she’d never talked about her father’s death with Georgie. After all they’d been through it seemed almost silly that Georgie didn’t know.

“And even if Jon was a wanker, Martin certainly wasn’t.” She tacks on in attempt to lighten the mood.

Georgie snorts at that. “Jon was... an acquired taste. He was a lot less uptight in University, but good god sometimes you could actually see the rod in his ass.”

“Hey!” Melanie says in mock offense “don’t speak ill of the dead!”

“You literally just called him a wanker!” Georgie retorts.

“Yeah but I’m allowed to! I don’t like him!” Melanie smacks her arm.

“Anyways. What do you want to do for them?” Georgie says once she stops giggling. “I was thinking a headstone, but that might be too much upkeep.”

“And people may not take kindly to a memorial to ‘The Archivist’ and his plus one.”

“Exactly,” Georgie agrees, “ so out with it. Give me an idea, oh wise prophet.”

Melanie pinches her hand. “Shut it, you. Maybe- maybe like a... bench or something?”

“A bench?” Georgie says teasingly, “that’s the best you’ve got? Not so wise after all.”

“Okay prophet, what have you got?”

“Maybe we could do something here? Like a photo album or something.”

“We don’t have any photos of them.”

“We could, like, write a heartfelt letter and burn it.”

“Maybe.” Melanie says with no small amount of suspicion.

“Okay, fiiiine maybe I don’t have any ideas.” Georgie relents.

They sit in silence for a bit after that. It should be uncomfortable, and probably would have been if it wasn’t Georgie and Melanie. Eventually Georgie gets up to find her phone so they can listen to the next chapter of their book. Melanie tries to lie down in the warm spot Georgie vacated, but The Admiral had already taken up the vacancy.

Melanie’s head lands in his soft fur, and he chirps inquisitively before curling around her head. Melanie buries a hand in his fur, and he rewards her with a content purr.

“Comfortable?” Georgie says when she re-enters the room. Melanie groans.

“Yes yes you fuss pot. Ready for our next chapter?” Georgie sits on the edge of the couch by Melanie’s head, and when she starts to pet her head, Melanie wishes she could purr like The Admiral.

Georgie snorts. “I think I might have a type.”

“And whats that?” Melanie nuzzles further into Georgie’s hand.

“Yeah,” Georgie pokes her cheek, “my type is ‘cats re-incarnated as people’. You can’t tell by looking at him, but Jon would absolutely melt at the slightest hair petting.”

Melanie is just about to protest being compared to Jon when an idea hits her. She sits up abruptly, and she hears Georgie give a little gasp in response.

“That’s it!” Melanie shouts.

“What’s it?” Georgie says, almost as loud.

“I’ve just had a great idea.”

Melanie gives her proposal, and even though she can’t see it, she knows Georgie is smiling the rest of the night.

—————

A week later, Georgie and Melanie walk into their apartment with two boxes. They would have just used one, but they were nervous the little ones would fight in the car ride that Rosie graciously provides them (with the payment of demanding photos).

And so Jon and Martin entered their lives.

One of the kittens is sleek black with golden amber eyes and short hair, and the other is white with blue eyes and so much fluff that he looks three times the size he really is. There were more kittens in the running, but these two were at the top (according to Georgie, they were basically photo copies of their namesakes), but Melanie decided these were the two when the woman at the desk told her they were inseparable.

They were worried about how The Admiral would react to their new additions, but it was proved irrational within three hours. The Admiral seemed to take a liking to them immediately.

“Maybe it really is Jon.” Georgie jokes when she stumbles on the three cuddled together. “Sometimes I thought The Admiral liked him more.”

(That was obviously false; anyone with -or with damaged- eyes could tell The Admiral adored her.)

They barely had to make an adjustment to their routine- the only real difference was the number of bowls during breakfast, and the number of feet that pattered in the halls.

Basira didn’t know what to make of it at first, but Georgie later told her that she stumbled in on Basira apologizing to Jon. Neither of them judge her for it; both of them did the same thing when they got him.

The days stretch to weeks, and the weeks stretch into months. Melanie goes to therapy, and attempts to keep houseplants. Georgie records her podcasts and teases Melanie when she fails to keep a cactus alive. Together they make their home with new cat toys (that The Admiral still refuses to play with), a cat tree (which the Admiral is more than interested in), crotchet throws from Rosie and the occasional mug from Basira.

One morning Melanie wakes to find the last bit of residual anger in her gone, and when she cries Georgie holds her tight.

Melanie loves it so much it hurts, and she wouldn’t trade it for the world.

#the magnus archives #the magnus pod #tma #what the gfs #what the ghost #fanfic #jonmartin #wtgfs #Georgie barker #Melanie king #Melanie is trans #just assume she’s always trans in my fics #this is my first Magnus fic #I didn’t edit this at all #what the girlfriends #Melanie/Georgie

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trashcatsnark · 3 years

Note

I love how you have become like, the silverv/silverhand confessional lmao

I hope you arent overwhelmed with all the asks, but I am curious if you have any go to ship songs for the pairing. I have been listening to this one myself a LOT and its my current fav ship song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYpg8bqKbW0

Ooooh, I like!

Its truly my calling in life! Absolutely no worries, I’m living for this all right now and if i start to feel overwhelmed or anything, I’ll be sure to take care of myself! I appreciate the concern and the ask.

Becauuse speaking of songs; i got a playlist for my V and Johnny (though it also has songs specific to her and to some other relationships, like her friendship with Jackie too on there): https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6wkDHbdiMT7NNldksbqBaQ?si=1pZ1ttq9QICGWUdQuzYJVw&nd=1

Out of those; I have some songs on there that specifically give me strong SilverV vibes

Under My Skin by Jukebox The Ghost; a little more esoteric in it’s lyrics, but a lot of symbolism and talks of feeling as if you’re letting a second person into your skin. And even some lyrics regarding a doubtfulness that this person you let in is even truly there, so I think it works and I just like the song so

I can fit two people under my skin I can fit two people under my skin And I will prove it if you will listen You crawled up in there you joined me within

Time by NF; I like this one for SilverV because I think it works really well regarding Johnny trying to change and that sort of effort it takes, the comfort in knowing V will stay by his side even as he struggles to become the person they know he can be. And how that change doesn’t come quick or easy. And knowing he’s not easy to deal with and he still struggles, he still lashes out at times but he’s trying and he’s willing to keep trying for them.

Even if we both break down tonight And you say you hate me And we go to bed angry I know everything will be alright I'll be here waiting I promise I'm changing I just need time

Nicotine by Panic! At The Disco; this one I look at as a V who’s becoming frustrated with themselves for being drawn to Johnny and always seeing the best in him despite his toxic behavior at times. A little more of a disheartening look at their dynamic at times, that Johnny isn’t good for them in so many ways, yet they can’t help but care for him. And comparing him to nicotine, juxtaposed to him literally trying to con V into smoking, is real nice to me.

I've lost control and I don't want it back I'm going numb, I've been hijacked It's a fucking drag I taste you on my lips and I can't get rid of you So I say damn your kiss and the awful things you do

Yeah, you're worse than nicotine

I Like Me Better by Lauv: This one is a more upbeat look at them, especially one Johnny’s committed to being better and things are looking up more. Its just a cute song with a focus being on, feeling like someone brings out the best in you, Johnny likes himself more when he’s with V, when they’ve helped him become a better person. Also cute lyrics about just wanting to spend all day talking to your special someone and feeling like you could tell them everything

Midnight into morning coffee Burning through the hours talking Damn I like me better when I'm with you

Guillotine by Jon Bellion & Travis Mendes; The big part of this song that screamed SilverV for me it is has the notion of knowing someones darkest secrets, knowing the worst of them, and still loving them anyway. V and Johnny know the darkest parts of one another, have seen each other at their worsts and bests, yet they still fell for one another.

The secrets you tell me I'll take to my grave There's bones in my closet, but you hang stuff anyway And if you have nightmares, we'll dance on the bed

I know that you love me, love me Even when I lose my head

Guillotine, guillotine

All I Want by Kodaline: SPOILERS BY THIS SONG IS LIKE THE TEMPERANCE ENDING THEME SONG LIKE??? Or alternatively; I accept Sun Ending V lamenting their choice and missing Johnny. Like the way its so perfect for it is downright ridiculous. Did Kodaline predict Cyberpunk 2077???

All I want is nothing more To hear you knocking at my door 'Cause if I could see your face once more I could die a happy man I'm sure When you said your last goodbye I died a little bit inside I lay in tears in bed all night Alone without you by my side But if you loved me Why'd you leave me? Take my body

Haunting by Halsey: Not as perfect for them as some others here, but it just strikes me so much a V who’s grown so attached to Johnny and doesn’t want to let him go and what they have. They want him to keep haunting them.

'Cause I've done some things that I can't speak And I've tried to wash you away but you just won't leave So won't you take a breath and dive in deep 'Cause I came here so you'd come for me

I'm begging you to keep on haunting I'm begging you to keep on haunting me

The Night We Met by Lord Huron: Again, makes me mostly think of Temperance Ending (can you tell what my favorite canon ending is). Johnny looking back at his time with V, the first time they met, and wishing he could have undone something. Wishes he could have done something, anything different, anything to get them to have made a different choice. Thinking of how they went from looking at him in fear as he raged and screamed at them; to them giving the ultimate sacrifice.

I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met When the night was full of terrors And your eyes were filled with tears When you had not touched me yet Oh, take me back to the night we met

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #johnny silverhand #silverv #cyberpunk 2077 spoilers #ieiwi

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