#SURELY one of them has read Dracula at some point right? right?!

[murky-galaxy]

I've been watching a lot of University Challenge lately, and, as a Dracula Daily participant it's so weird to me to see 2 teams completely fail to identify the novel Dracula based on fairly basic descriptions of characters and plot (1 of them didn't get it even when the question included "gothic horror novel from the 1890s")

Like, these are students/alumni from British universities, surely one of them has read it at some point?

[lady-dulcinea]

Something the October 11th entry really highlights is how much Mina and Jonathan are sure about each other. How much they know each other to the point they can read each other without any perceived difficulty, and how their devotion, their partnership, although treasured and seamlessly reciprocated by both, is never even questioned by them.

When Mina receives news that Jonathan is alive, she goes, an unmarried and unaccompanied woman, all the way to find him and marry him, even tho he’s still traumatised, half mad from his stay at Castle Dracula, and in the eyes of society could very much be considered an “invalid”. But she marries him anyway, and although Jonathan does gently reaffirm the delicate state of his body and specially his mind, he never really seems overly surprised that she chose him despite it all. And in the same entry we see a similar reaction from Mina when Sister Agatha feels the need to inform her that she shouldn’t worry that Jonathan’s malady might be because of some other woman; she all but scoffs at the idea, because it hadn’t even crossed her mind. Of course there isn’t another woman. Similarly, as she eventually makes acquaintance with several men, all of them rich bachelors who grow a quick and openly affectionate bond with her, Jonathan has not a single moment of insecurity about it. Of course they all love Mina, why wouldn’t they? Jealousy requires a certain lack of confidence in your partner that neither of them has. Their worries concerning each other are always ALWAYS directed at external influences: That something will hurt them, or that something will keep them from each other.

Which brings us to October 11th, when that sureness is brought to it’s highest, most tragic peak. Jonathan knew what Mina intended calling them all to meet her before their trip. He was so sure of it he spoke with Jack beforehand to make sure it would all be documented correctly, as he himself would never be able to write down such a thing as a symbolic funeral for his beloved. And he also knew what she would make them promise to do.

Because Mina, beyond just wishing to have the littlest bit of agency over her own death, is being strategic here. She knows Jonathan will “be with her to the very end”. She does not need to know of the promise he made to her in the solitude of his diary. Their devotion to each other is a given, one they do not take for granted, but that they expect nonetheless because they know each other and the strength of their love. Had she read the promise, she would undoubtedly be shocked by it, specifically by the utter heresy of it, devout as she is to her faith. But she would not be surprised, and this entry shows her anticipating what the Worst Case Scenario could potentially do to her husband, and trying to avoid it at all cost.

No, I don’t think she gone as far as assuming that Jonathan would deliberately choose vampirism for her. He has been as much of a devout christian as her for most of their lives, and tho she is not blind to the changes the last few months (and specially the last few days) have caused on him, she would not there suggest the Holiest Love conclusion is anywhere close to his mind. For after all, she has explicitly stated that she wants to be received by the grace of God, wants the same freedom granted by the boys to the soul of dear Lucy, and Jonathan simply wouldn’t deny her that.

Right?

And guys, as much as I love Jonathan’s vow and how he absolutely refuses to let her “walk into that unknown and terrible land alone”… it is a selfish vow. Romantic to the core, but selfish. Jonathan knows that’s not what Mina wants. He phrases it in a way that makes it seem like he is doing it purely out of love for her, so she’ll not be alone, but really, the selfless thing would be to do what she asked of him today. Her soul would be free, there would be no more Dracula to torment the world and kill innocents, and when Jonathan’s time came, he would join her in heaven.

But as I said before, the only thing that ever worries them about their relationship is whether or not they are hurt and when there is something keeping them apart. Jonathan goes to Transylvania and Dracula tries to keep him there: they both suffer from the distance. The first time Jonathan went to meet a client was the first time he and Mina were away from each other since the wedding, and she expresses anxiety about that. The men want to keep Mina away from vampire business to “protect her”: both her and Jonathan are unhappy with suddenly keeping secrets from each other. “A door is locked between them” because there is a part of Dracula inside Mina’s mind and she cannot be trusted to know all their planning, and Jonathan is crestfallen about it. Their deepest source of misery is always not being with each other, not being able to communicate properly, not just be together. And they both know that. Mina is just severely underestimating how far Jonathan would go so they’re not separated. As it is, she knows her death would bring him terrible grief, and by asking the help of their friends today and making him read the burial service, she’s trying to both a) Guarantee that should Jonathan’s hand falter, more steady ones would fulfil her wish; b) Unite them once more in the care they all have for her and show Jonathan that, should the worst happen, he won’t be alone. The other will be there. He shall not be so lonely if/when he becomes a widower; c) Perhaps by reading the burial service he can become more used to the possibility of her death and ease his heart to the matter.

However, Jonathan promises nothing to anyone. He asked for Jack to make an accurate description of what happened so that no detail would be left out, and yet we hear no word of confirmation from him.

And I’m sure she noticed it, too.

[can-of-w0rmz]

It’s always so interesting to me how so many people tend to look at protagonists’ reactions in 19th century gothic media and immediately slap a label on them as “over-dramatic” or “weak”, when in reality I don’t think we (as a society) know what we’re talking about. I think our society is collectively desensitised to concepts, and what I mean by that is that the concept of a story like Dracula or Frankenstein isn’t something that we’d ever bat an eye at because it’s been so ingrained into our very understanding or the concept of basic modern horror premises that we no longer appreciate it for what it is, and I’ve been guilty of it too. So a lot of people take the protagonists reactions to their circumstances, and paint it as melodrama or even worse, get high and mighty and claim that if THEY were in that scenario, they would NEVER do something so stupid, right?

But I need you to take a minute to actually think about the positions these characters are in. We’ve become so desensitised to these concepts, but if we were actually in those positions in real life we would probably not be able to handle them half as well as some of these characters. For example, Dracula. Sure, guy goes to stay in spooky castle, client turns out to be a vampire, pretty standard, easy to point at Jonathan Harker’s decisions and blame him. Oh Jonathan, don’t you know walking through an abandoned castle when your client tells you not to is bound to get you hurt? Don’t you know going to a remote area with villagers crossing themselves every five seconds is dangerous?

But actually think about this. You’re a solicitor, you have a fiancée back home and you need this job. You meet your client, he’s a little creepy, you feel unsafe, but you need this job. What are you going to do, turn back and tell your employer you couldn’t do it because the vibes were off? Obviously not. You suck it up. Then slowly, your world starts collapsing around you and slowly getting smaller as you find yourself trapped inside this man’s house and you slowly come to the realisation that you are being held captive in the house of a creepy old man who has access to all the rooms in the house, including your own, and can enter it at any time, in a secluded area far away from everyone, and with no hope of reaching out for help. He has the power to do anything to you, and you’re completely helpless, and does. You are going to die there and none of your loved ones will ever know what happened to you. Your abuser might even fabricate your identity or conduct a lie to ruin all memory of you forever. Then things get worse, and you realise that your abuser and captor isn’t even human. Throw in the infanticide and assault scenes, and that is a horrifying scenario, and I don’t think some people fully recognise that when they read it.

The very same with Frankenstein, oh haha, Victor gets ill often, look at him fainting every five minutes, what a whiny bitchboy, right? But Jesus Christ, again, think about this scenario that he’s in properly. My guy digs up corpses, brings them to his dorm room and stitches them together, only for him to bring said corpses to life and watch his inanimate amalgamation of dead bodies come to life in your house. Now again, imagine cutting up corpses and sewing them together. If you can’t manage that, imagine a friend of yours came to you and told you that they’d been stealing corpses, cutting them up, and sewing them together, and they now have an 8ft tall giant amalgamation or corpses in their room. Now imagine going to their house and seeing that amalgamation of corpses. Good luck not passing out and vomiting all over their bedroom floor, and extra good luck not needing extreme psychiatric care afterwards. Again, corpses. I’m willing to bet half the people here have never even seen a corpse, and this isn’t even freshly-dead-grandma-in-the-coffin, these are decomposing and rotting corpses of real human beings. Observed. And some corpses cut up. And pieced together. Into a giant corpse. Genitalia included. Intestines included. Everything else included. And then that corpse then starts killing everyone you’ve ever loved and you have the added guilt that it IS it’s own person and you’ve abandoned it.

Which of course, could lead me into a whole separate rant, on how I believe that Victor’s flaw doesn’t lie in his horror at his own actions, and his fainting and illness and whatnot, but rather at his deliberate avoidance of the consequences of those actions – (horrifying as they may have been to come to terms with, his avoidance ultimately led to the mental distress and death of tons of completely innocent people, and his avoidance, however difficult, was still very much wrong and Victor is still very much to blame for it) – as well as the mania and obsessive justification he kept using to reach that goal. Although again, it could be argued there was avoidance in that as well – Victor pasting clinical lenses over all his actions, ignoring his family and friends, which ultimately all caught up with him. It’s my reading that Victor isn’t to blame whatsoever because he’s “over dramatic” or that “whiny”, he has every right to be severely traumatised by his experiences, however much his own fault they may be, he is to blame because at every turn where he could have faced his actions and confided in a friend or likewise, he did not, and it led to the deaths of everyone he loved. Except for Ernest, who likely then had to live with the death of his entire family.

But that’s a side rant – my primary point is, I genuinely do not remotely believe that authors in the past were really any more “emotional” or “melodramatic” than we are today. The only difference is that because the premise of these plots have been so deeply engrained into our society, we do not understand how horrifyingly traumatising these situations are by nature and dismiss them out of hand. Dracula did not exist yet when Dracula was being written. Frankenstein did not exist yet when Frankenstein was being written. Don’t come looking to read old gothic literature expecting a camp B-list horror film, and then call the characters over-dramatic when they react like average actual human beings to absolutely horrific scenarios.

And what’s more with regard to general more open affection between friends in older books, no it isn’t unrealistic, we’re all just cynical assholes now. (There’s a limit, obviously. Some characters are just raging homosexuals and there’s no other explanation. “His form so divinely wrought and beaming with beauty” my ass alright now just admit you had gay sex and be done with it)

[serial-serializednovelreader]

Nova's Notes - North and South - Chapter 3

Last time we saw our heroine Margaret, she had just received word that Henry Lennox had come to call on her. Let's see how it goes!

So, she is excited to see Henry, as she has just been thinking about him and his promise. Margaret is a little surprised though, since he's supposed to be off with Edith and his brother on their honeymoon.

*record scratch* Hold up, he was accompanying them on their honeymoon??? I know right! And not just him, but his uncle as well? What kind of monster is he?

Well, five seconds ago, I would've agreed with you, but I was able to find this article that points to this being a fairly common practice in order to ease the woman into the marriage (not exactly an academic source, but the first one I found). So, he's not intruding or third-wheeling, but instead helping grow the marriage. What a nice guy, right? Well...avid readers of this will know I'm not Henry's biggest fan, and in the first few sentences he -- again -- says something that raises my hackles a bit.

“'Oh!' said he, more lightly, 'our young couple were playing such foolish pranks, running all sorts of risks, climbing this mountain, sailing on that lake, that I really thought they needed a Mentor to take care of them. And indeed they did: they were quite beyond my uncle’s management, and kept the old gentleman in a panic for sixteen hours out of the twenty-four. Indeed, when I once saw how unfit they were to be trusted alone, I thought it my duty not to leave them till I had seen them safely embarked at Plymouth.'”

Oh no, our couple has done the horrible problem of -- *checks notes* -- having fun on their honeymoon...? If their version of a "prank" is ditching their relatives to get some alone time -- uh, yeah, I would too!!! I mean, I guess I can see where he's coming from on some of these points if they truly are taking dangerous risks, but it honestly sounds like they're trying to sneak in some alone time here and doing fun couple activities together. It's not good that the uncle is panicking, but his brother is in the army. Surely he's prepared for things like mountain climbing and saying they're "unfit to be alone" is quite ridiculous. If he's worried about them doing...other kinds of activities while alone...I hate to tell him, but they're already married so that ship has sailed (literally). If he's truly worried about "danger," how is he -- a lawyer -- more prepared to face it than his brother who's in the army? (Not that lawyers can't face danger, considering Jonathan from Dracula is a lawyer and he just climbed a castle wall not too long ago, but that's a different book/genre lol). Also presenting himself as a "Mentor" (capital M) is HILARIOUS to me considering a) he's younger than at least one of them and b) mentor to what? Being married??? Henry???? He probably means climbing or sailing, but my version is funnier -- just saying.

I guess he might also be kidding about some of this, which is something I should have considered but didn't because I don't pick up well on social cues (I'm like Margaret in that way: we'll get there :D). So if he is kidding, sorry about that, but if I'm to take what he's saying at face value here, he just sounds like a nuisance to the couple. He says he's now "relieved of many responsibilities" but it just sounds like he put those responsibilities on himself.

He then gives her a note from Edith and she doesn't want to read it in front of him because she "half wish[ed] to read it alone and unwatched". I find this interesting that she has to make up an excuse to get away from him here, just to do so! Is it because Margaret doesn't feel comfortable reading letters in front of people in general, or because Henry specifically causes the discomfort? Gaskell doesn't elaborate, but I'll keep an eye out for if she feels comfortable enough to read a letter in front of anyone else in a future chapter, because either could be valid.

Henry begins to look around the room in "his scrutinizing way" and notices how "poor" the place looks, even when the light is hitting it, which should make it looks its best. Then he says this (with a sigh):

"'The living is evidently as small as she said. It seems strange, for the Beresfords belong to a good family.'”

Oh, no! You've just activated a red flag!!! This whole reply is a red flag, but I want to highlight the main problem area (in my opinion) -- the "as she said". What's the problem with this?

To me, this indicates he didn't listen to her when she told him how small her living was the first time around. He assumed she was downplaying it and would come back to find something more like Harley Street. I suppose that was the fashion back then -- to act of more humble means than you were -- but here's the thing: Margaret isn't like that. She says thing as they are and if he knew her as well as he thinks, he would've taken her words at face value. I know that just from three chapters of reading about her!! If he doesn't believe this one thing she says now, how is that going to work later if they foster a relationship (again, we're getting there)? I also just don't like that Henry is pulling a surprised Pikachu face here!!! And while I know good family = wealthy in this time period, still not a great thing to say. Like, hmm her family is poor that's weird :/. He's acting like he didn't get what he wanted for Christmas or something. Definitely not the reaction I would want from a potential partner.

Margaret, meanwhile, is dealing with a problemTM. Namely, her mother. Apparently she gets into moods where everything is an Issue and Henry is considered an Issue -- so, she refuses to see him. This is a dilemma, because Margaret had told Henry that her mamma would LOVE to meet him and will meet with him shortly. I may not know much about etiquette, but I know this is a snub if she refuses to meet with him now. Plus, her dad can't help because he was already in a bad mood (seems like something we'll unravel later) and Mrs. Hale made it worse by commenting *once again* on moving, which caused him to ask her to please stop speaking against the place. So yeah, this isn't going well!

Margaret "listen[s] patiently", but she has to figure things out somehow, so she pulls a problem-solving move. She proposes that after a quick meetup with Henry and her mom (as for it not to look weird), she and Henry can go out sketching, which will mean less interaction for her mother to worry about. Then, even though they only have cold meat for lunch, they can still make that work for the meal, since light food was usually expected at the midday meal (from what I could find -- correct me if I'm wrong) and Henry will expect it that way. That's when Mr. Hale will join them, having had enough time between 10:30 and 2:00 to compose himself.

I love seeing this side of her! We've already seen glimpses, but I think it's the first time we've truly seen her go into what I would call a "problem-solving mode". I would definitely add that to her list of qualities!

"He evidently expected to be asked to spend the day, and accepted the invitation with a glad readiness that made Mrs. Hale wish she could add something to the cold beef. He was pleased with everything; delighted with Margaret’s idea of going out sketching together; would not have Mr. Hale disturbed for the world, with the prospect of so soon meeting him at dinner."

I wonder if it's apparent to everyone involved Henry wants to be asked to stay the whole day, or if it's just Mrs. Hale? It makes sense that he wants to since he said he would be checking up on what Margaret does all day. I don't know much about calling hours or social etiquette in the Victorian era, but from what I could find, he's making a "morning call". Usually a man in this situation should leave after 20 minutes. However, he's family, so I believe this allots for staying a few hours, including dinner (again, correct me if I'm wrong -- I tried to find sources for this, but there wasn't much available for a morning call from family). Does it seem interesting how eager it is how "pleased" he is by everything just after he thought about how poor the family is? Yep! But we don't have time to unpack all of that just yet.

"'Now, please, just stop here for a minute or two,' said Margaret. 'These are the cottages that haunted me so during the rainy fortnight, reproaching me for not having sketched them.' 'Before they tumbled down and were no more seen. Truly, if they are to be sketched—and they are very picturesque—we had better not put it off till next year. But where shall we sit?' 'Oh! You might have come straight from chambers in the Temple, instead of having been two months in the Highlands! Look at this beautiful trunk of a tree, which the woodcutters have left just in the right place for the light. I will put my plaid over it, and it will be a regular forest throne.' 'With your feet in that puddle for a regal footstool! Stay, I will move, and then you can come nearer this way. Who lives in these cottages?'”

I feel like this conversation parallels their awkward interaction from chapter one, though now the shoe is on the other foot. And by "shoe", I mean the whole "shutting down the conversation" thing. To be fair, this is probably Henry joking and being lighthearted, but again -- I'm having trouble reading it that way. She's trying to sketch two cottages that she thinks are pretty, but he's kind of mocking them for how decrepit they look. Fair, I guess, but the fact that she chooses to mock him by saying he's "come staight from chambers in the Temple" (which I believe is a reference to the Temple in Jerusalem and to me, signals she's mocking his loftiness) says she's not entirely happy with this either. Plus, yeah, he just spent time in the Highlands, shouldn't he be used to forest by now? And when she wants to make a "throne" out of a tree stump, he comments on the puddle on the ground. Chivalrous to ask her to get out of the way, but he's not playing along with her game of pretend like he seemed to want her to in chapter 1. I wonder what's up with that? Or maybe I'm reading this all wrong and they're both enjoying this banter -- I don't know, it's really hard for me to tell!! Keep in mind, I'm biased and don't really like Henry, so everything he says annoys me. It's a problem I'll try to work on 😂😂

She goes to talk to one of the men at the cottages, and Henry quickly takes his opportunity to add her to his sketch. Afterwards, she notices and comments on it. He replies:

“'It was irresistible. You can’t know how strong a temptation it was. I hardly dare tell you how much I shall like this sketch.' He was not quite sure whether she heard this latter sentence before she went to the brook to wash her palette. She came back rather flushed, but looking perfectly innocent and unconscious. He was glad of it, for the speech had slipped from him unawares—a rare thing in the case of a man who premeditated his actions so much as Henry Lennox."

I will admit, this is rather cute: him taking the opportunity to sketch her and then saying something without thought! It's a sweet moment and I think I would like the two of them together if they had more moments like this.

When they return back, both Mr. and Mrs. Hale are in much better spirits. Margaret sees her father and while she stresses that he's put aside his worries (they're not taken care of), she can't hide her pride at seeing him because he's always able to impress other people! What a sweetheart, love her for that.

Mr. Hale sees their sketches and when Mr. Hale sees the one Henry drew, Henry comments this:

“'I should say that a likeness you very much wish to take you would always succeed in,' said Mr. Lennox. 'I have great faith in the power of will. I think myself I have succeeded pretty well in yours.'”

I may not read social cues well, but this one I do get: I like you and want to draw you well. However, I know that because I've picked up on it after seeing Henry's inner thoughts. I'm not so surprised she doesn't get it because, as we'll see later in the chapter, she doesn't see him that way. So this compliment -- while nice -- wouldn't mean to her what he's trying to communicate. Why is this important for me to emphasize? Well, listen to what this guy says next:

“"A regular London girl would understand the implied meaning of that speech,' thought Mr. Lennox. 'She would be up to looking through every speech that a young man made her for the arrière-pensée of a compliment. But I don’t believe Margaret,'"

Lol, lmao even. HENRY, buddy, we've been over this -- you should know her better than this by now. I'm not trying to pull a "she's not like other girls" thing, but you started it. She doesn't have the same communication style as the "regular London girl[s]" you're thinking of! If you want to communicate something, you're going to have to be more blunt.

Also, if we continue with my thread of Margaret being neurodivergent-coded (and Henry being neurotypical-coded), this comment is something a lot of NTs often get frustrated by: that NDs don't pick up on the nuances of their interactions. This comment right here really cements this dynamic for me.

To me, it’s understandable she wouldn't pick up on this being flirting because it's subtle to begin with and ND people often have trouble picking up on social cues like this. I do find it interesting how he also expects her to be picking apart his speeches for compliments. Also "arrière-pensée" means "a concealed thought" or "ulterior motive", by the way!

Quick note: the quote is cut off deliberately like that for a reason, he doesn't finish his thought.

Luckily (or unluckily, depending on your view), he decides to try a different tactic. She has been gathering roses to "adorn her morning gown for dinner" and he takes this opportunity to help her with some she can't reach (relatable!) and puts a couple in his button-hole. While this isn't exactly a declaration of love, I do think this is another sweet moment. This could almost be a better show of affection than words for some.

Dinner is a very nice affair, with everyone talking very agreeably, enough so to make Henry forget his feeling of "disappointment" of Margaret's living being so small. Like she had told him. Ugh.

However, there comes a bit of a hitch when dessert comes around. Mr. Hale becomes fixated on the idea of dessert -- which must be pears from the garden. However, they already have dessert served behind him: biscuits with marmalade. Mrs. Hale worries that this pear idea will make their life seem "impromptu" and dessert "unusual" (which will not shine a good light on their living situation, I imagine).

Henry actually steps up with a solution this time: they should eat pears in the garden in order to give them the full experience. Though Mrs. Hale doesn't quite like this idea (she wants to end dinner the ceremonious way), Mr. Hale doesn't give her time to argue: he simply gets up. This shows me that Mr. Hale is probably still not in the best of moods, and likely put out with her as well for what she said in the morning. Either that, or he's so absorbed by his own worries that he isn't thinking of hers. Eep, not good.

So Mr. Hale, Henry and Margaret go out into the garden to enjoy some pears. While Mr. Hale grabs the ripest pear (to get over his anxieties -- relatable), Henry makes eyes at Margaret 👁️👁️. He then takes her to stroll while Mr. Hale sits on the garden bench. Oh no! What can this mean? Well, for Margaret, she just thinks this is a friendly chat. Hmm....

He immediately starts by idealizing her country life and scorning his "city life" (comparing himself to a Cockney), ending with insinuating he would want to live here as his "reward" for all of his hard lawyer work.

She replies by shutting down the fantasy (lol), that the beauty he sees isn't always there and besides, didn't he mock her village before and call it out of a tale? Once she makes it clear she saw it as disrespectful, he "warmly" states he'll never do it again.

I do like that she's comfortable enough with him to feel able to tell him she felt disrespected by his words: that's a good sign, at least. And while he doesn't exactly apologize, he does back down once he realizes this was genuinely negative to her. Gotta take our wins where we can!

""I could almost wish, Margaret——' he stopped and hesitated. It was so unusual for the fluent lawyer to hesitate that Margaret looked up at him, in a little state of questioning wonder; but in an instant—from what about him she could not tell—she wished herself back with her mother—her father—anywhere away from him, for she was sure he was going to say something to which she should not know what to reply. In another moment the strong pride that was in her came to conquer her sudden agitation, which she hoped he had not perceived. Of course she could answer, and answer the right thing; and it was poor and despicable of her to shrink from hearing any speech, as if she had not power to put an end to it with her high maidenly dignity."

I love this passage for so many reasons. For one thing, it has that relatable feeling one gets when you have that one guy friend who hits you with the "I have to tell you something..." and even when you don't know what they're going to say, you also know what's happening...

But I love that she has that scared moment and then she's like -- wait a minute? This is me -- Margaret Hale -- we're talking about and I will say what I want and it will be right because I make it so. I will not shrink from any speech coming my way and if I have to, will put an end to it with my high 👏 maidenly 👏 dignity 👏 . What an ABSOLUTE QUEEN FOR THAT!!!!! I aspire to be like her; why wasn't I told what an absolute girl boss of a role model this fictional character was? And I don't just mean like before I read this (I was given some notice), I mean like why isn't she given more love in pop culture just for this passage alone? (I could speculate why, but I don't want to get sad about that lol). If I didn't already love her, this right here would've made me love her. This passage is definitely something I will be remembering when I feel anxious about difficult conversations! Just, WOW, chef's kiss.

Forgive me, it's going to be a lot of passages from here on out, but I really want to analyze the exact wording here.

"'Margaret,' said he, taking her by surprise, and getting sudden possession of her hand, so that she was forced to stand still and listen, despising herself for the fluttering at her heart all the time; 'Margaret, I wish you did not like Helstone so much—did not seem so perfectly calm and happy here. I have been hoping for these three months past to find you regretting London—and London friends, a little—enough to make you listen more kindly' (for she was quietly, but firmly, striving to extricate her hand from his grasp) 'to one who has not much to offer, it is true—nothing but prospects in the future—but who does love you, Margaret, almost in spite of himself. Margaret, have I startled you too much? Speak!' For he saw her lips quivering almost as if she were going to cry."

Okaaaaaay, that escalated VERY quickly -- Margaret didn't even get time to put a stop to it!!! I can't blame her, he's not giving her the chance to speak. So, the fact that he grabs her hand so she's "forced to stand still and listen"? Yikes. Her heart is "fluttering" and she hates herself for it? Also yikes because I doubt it's fluttering from liking him. I could be wrong, but I'm like 99.9% sure her heart is like that out of nerves.

Not to mention his speech: Henry starts off by being upset she likes Helstone and seems happy there -- you know, the place where her parents are??? Her hometown???? The place he just yapped on and on about being the best place ever and seemed like a reward to him? What happened to that? Swift 180 turn to me. Oh, and let's not forget he doesn't like seeing her calm and happy -- uhhhh...ok?

Now I know what he's trying to say here: he doesn't like seeing her happy here in Helstone because he wants her to be so miserable that she'll want to come back to London (and be with him). If she's miserable, it'll show she cares for him. Here's the problems I have with that logic:

Who's to say she doesn't miss her friends and she's just hiding it? Some people are better at hiding their grief than others.

Margaret is a very "live in the present" type of person; it's not that she doesn't miss Harley Street, but tends to just kind of live in the moment. Him not realizing that -- or wanting her to be miserable despite knowing that -- shows that he probably doesn't know her or care for her as much as he says he does a couple of sentences later.

She hasn't lived with her parents for years and spent most of her childhood without them being a large part of her life (I'm assuming from the limited text we have). Why doesn't she have the right to be calm and happy while living with them? It's pretty understandable she would be more happy with them because if anything *they're* the ones she was probably "more miserable" without. I'm sure she was fine at Harley Street, but she really seems to love her parents and her first night at Harley Street as a child seemed difficult: I'm not surprised she's happy at Helstone! This guy has some audacity to be like "aren't you miserable without me though 🥺" when like -- SHE'S VISITING HER PARENTS???!!?!?! It's been three months, calm down dude.

Let's imagine a world where Henry's completely right (a world I'm glad we don't live in, personally) and she's totally miserable because -- oh, Henry's not at Helstone 🥺💔. Even so, when you visit your friends/crush/whatever that you've missed and you haven't seen for a while, do you act miserable and talk constantly about how much you miss them? I mean, I don't! I usually try to keep up appearances if I am sad, but I actually almost always brighten up around the person I'm with because they make my day better. I get excited and in my element; to the outside person, you'd never know I'd be totally upset when they left because that's how happy I am! Of course, I'd say I miss them or whatever, but I wouldn't make a scene like he seems to want her to.

Going off of that, if you truly cared for someone, wouldn't you want them to be happy? Like he tells her he loves her but starts off his whole speech before he gets to that point with "I wish you were less happy and more miserable because that means you'd miss me and give me a chance" and that's...I don't even know what to say to that. I didn't think you could get worse than Mr. Collins or Mr. Darcy's failed proposals, but I think that beats it. In Mr. Collins's case, at least he starts off with compliments (though they're backhanded and he doesn't really mean them, lol) and at least with Mr. Darcy, he starts off with "I love you" and lists the reasons before he starts insulting her family!!! I guess it's a "pick your poison" thing, but seriously, what a way to start off a love confession speech/proposal.

Then -- and this is what really gets me here -- he notices her trying to get him to release her arm: another sign she's not enjoying this. Now, she's doing this in a quiet but firm way, not wanting to make a scene -- but not backing down, either. Instead of doing the decent person thing and letting her hand go, he keeps his grip and tells her to listen more "kindly". He takes this as yet another sign she didn't "miss him enough" and WOW. Um...I don't have much to say to this; I think it speaks for itself. I will say, everytime I read it I'm filled with an immeasurable amount of rage, if that tells you anything.

He also ends his very touching and heartfelt speech (/s) with saying that he loves her "almost in spite of himself". Aaaaand we're back to Mr. Darcy with his whole "yeah your family is below me and an insult to the human race and I actually wish I could stop thinking about you but in spite of all of that I love you whoops". I think he means this in more of a "I'm not a feelings person, so for me to be in love with you is a big deal" (we'll get to that speech of his soon), but it still comes across wrong to me. If you're going to say that, please clarify what you mean!!!

And THEN -- as if that's not bad enough -- he sees her lips quivering as if she's going to cry and after asking if she's startled (not the emotion I'd be asking after, but ok), he commands her to speak. As someone who gets overwhelmed easily, I would actually hate someone doing that to me!

And if we continue the thread of Margaret being ND, what if she's not able to speak because she's too overstimulated from whatever the heck that just was? I know she just hyped herself up -- and that's amazing, don't get me wrong -- but it could very well be difficult for her to communicate using spoken language and the fact that he wants her to speak right now is a bit reminiscent of how NTs will often force NDs to "act neurotypical" in difficult situations (e.g. "make eye contact, speak on this" etc.) and it's heartbreaking to read using this lens.

Even if we don't read it in that vein, who sees someone about to cry and goes "Speak!"? Get a grip, man.

"She made a strong effort to be calm; she would not speak till she had succeeded in mastering her voice, and then she said: 'I was startled. I did not know that you cared for me in that way. I have always thought of you as a friend; and, please, I would rather go on thinking of you so. I don’t like to be spoken to as you have been doing. I cannot answer you as you want me to do, and yet I should feel so sorry if I vexed you.'”

I feel for her here: I’m glad she takes a moment to be calm, but I imagine it must cost a lot of emotional effort to do so. If I were in her shoes, I don’t even know if I could manage it!

Also, her speech itself is a masteclass in kind — but firm — rejection, in my opinion. Notice how she answers his last question first: that yes, she was startled. That is easiest to answer, so she focuses on it. Then, she expounds on it by letting him know she wasn’t aware of his deep feelings, which caused her to be startled.

That’s when the boundary-setting starts! She sets two of them: in order to “keep thinking of him as a friend”, he will need to discontinue his advances and then she states she doesn’t like the way he has been speaking to her — aka, all of the ways he just offended her in that last paragraph? Stop it immediately.

She ends it by affirming that she cannot give him the answers he desires, but does not want to “vex” him. Just to be sure I was reading her meaning correctly, I looked up the meaning of vexed:

“to bring trouble, distress, or agitation to”

So, she’s worried about troubling him. Yes, distress is in there too, but I think it’s interesting she uses that word to describe how he will take her not returning his feelings. Historically, women do have to worry about how men will react to them not returning feelings -- sometimes to an extreme degree -- and it can feel as if it’s more of a case of them being troubled/agitated rather than distressed. I can’t speak for everyone of course, but it sucks that women have to feel so responsible for men’s happiness to the point of saying “sorry for the trouble” if the feelings aren’t returned! (And yes, I know this issue can happen regardless of gender, but I’m focusing on this dynamic since that’s how it appears here.)

So, how does Henry react? Does he reassure her that he isn’t entitled to her feelings? Asks for space to deal with his own emotions, perhaps? Nope!

“‘Margaret,’ said he, looking into her eyes, which met his with their open, straight look, expressive of the utmost good faith and reluctance to give pain, ‘Do you’—he was going to say—‘love any one else?’ But it seemed as if this question would be an insult to the pure serenity of those eyes. ‘Forgive me! I have been too abrupt. I am punished. Only let me hope. Give me the poor comfort of telling me you have never seen any one whom you could——‘ Again a pause. He could not end his sentence. Margaret reproached herself acutely as the cause of his distress.’”

It’s interesting to me that Henry decides not to ask if she loves anyone else because he doesn’t want to insult “pure serenity” of her eyes. Some may call this nice, I call this asking for a punch in the face. It rides a bit too close to the “purity culture” line for me and I don’t like it. It seems as if Henry thinks she has too much good faith to ever be “unfaithful” to him by even entertaining the thought of someone else. Perhaps I’m wrong, but this is how it reads to me.

Then he asks for forgiveness and says he’s been too abrupt (ok, good start) but says he’s punished. Punished how? Punished for what? If you mean she’s punishing you for speaking to her a certain way by not returning feelings — just NO. That’s not what’s happening here!!!! She doesn’t return your feelings because she doesn’t like you, just accept it.

That’s when Henry really drops the hammer of “can you give me hope and return my feelings one day 🥺” which — oh, boy. On one hand, I can feel for him here, but it’s strange to me that he also wants her to promise that she’s never seen anyone that has caught her fancy. It’s a very “if I can’t have you, no one can” mentality. It even causes Margaret to get mad at herself for “causing” him to be so upset — which, again, he is not entitled to her feelings and she is not responsible for his happiness.

“‘Ah! if you had but never got this fancy into your head! It was such a pleasure to think of you as a friend.’

‘But I may hope, may I not, Margaret, that some time you will think of me as a lover? Not yet, I see—there is no hurry—but some time——‘

She was silent for a minute or two, trying to discover the truth as it was in her own heart, before replying, then she said:

‘I have never thought of—you, but as a friend. I like to think of you so; but I am sure I could never think of you as anything else. Pray let us both forget that all this” (“disagreeable,” she was going to say, but stopped short) ‘conversation has taken place.’”

Ok, so I’m going to take Henry’s side for just a second on this — hear me out. I think it’s a little mean for her to call his feelings just a “fancy” as if he thought of it one day and, on a lark, decided to confess his feelings. I don’t think that’s fair of her to say to him. You can’t help your feelings and it’s not entirely fair of her to expect him to keep it bottled up inside. While his confession speech has been pretty abysmal (sorry it’s true), I don’t blame him for having those feelings, just the way they’re expressed.

On the other hand, I’ve been in Margaret's exact same situation and have almost wanted to say the exact same thing! Like “we had such a good thing going and this came out of nowhere; what’s up with that?” I didn’t though, because I realize that’s kind of invalidating to hear. I also think that’s her being blunt and not filtering her thoughts, which is understandable given the heightened emotions (and even more so, if we read it in the lens of her being ND).

Henry insists on the point of her being able to love him romantically sometime in the future, to which she has to think about. I’m glad she actually takes the time to examine her own feelings before answering. She already knows the answer, but it’s good to be sure and honestly give it some thought.

That’s when she drops a hammer of her own: she has only thought of him as a friend, does so now, and is certain she can only do so in the future. She also wants to set this conversation behind them — almost calling it disagreeable in the process. She stops herself short, but I believe she makes a face or something in her demeanor registers it as such, because Henry picks up on it. Again, she’s being blunt, but this time she’s able to catch herself and spare his feelings a little.

“He paused before he replied. Then, in his habitual coldness of tone, he answered:

‘Of course, as your feelings are so decided, and as this conversation has been so evidently unpleasant to you, it had better not be remembered. That is all very fine in theory, that plan of forgetting whatever is painful, but it will be somewhat difficult for me, at least, to carry it into execution.’”

It’s telling that he becomes cold once he realizes she’s serious about staying friends forever. It’s sad that this 180 degree turn from Henry is still so relatable in today’s age! He does agree to her wishes, albeit reluctantly due to it being difficult for him. This I can understand; once you confess your feelings for someone and are subsequently rejected, it's a bit hard to just "forget" the entire conversation and go back to normal. Unfortunately, that's the consequence you have to face if you're going to confess to your friend like that; I think he was just so confident she'd return his feelings, he assumed this wouldn't happen.

“'You are vexed,' said she, sadly; “yet how can I help it?' She looked so truly grieved as she said this, that he struggled for a moment with his real disappointment, and then answered more cheerfully, but still with a little hardness in his tone: 'You should make allowances for the mortification, not only of a lover, Margaret, but of a man not given to romance in general—prudent, worldly, as some people call me—who has been carried out of his usual habits by the force of a passion—well, we will say no more of that; but in the one outlet which he has formed for the deeper and better feelings of his nature, he meets with rejection and repulse. I shall have to console myself with scorning my own folly. A struggling barrister to think of matrimony!'”

Her grief does cause him to realize that he needs to stop making her feel bad about this -- or, at least, broadcast a facade of good cheer -- if they're going to have any hope of keeping the friendship. After all, they're still in Helstone's garden with Margaret's dad not too far off!!!

However, he's not able to cover up his "disappointment" entirely and it shows as "hardness in his tone". He doesn't apologize for giving her grief, but instead asks her to make "allowances" for him. I don't like this for a lot of reasons (why does she have to make allowances for you when you don't seem to give the same respect back?), but what's even worse is that he says one of those allowances should be "for the mortification...of a lover..." UM??? If I’m reading this right, he wants her to allow for him feeling like he was her lover and now having to deal with her rejection of romance. Henry, let me break it down for you: you were never her lover -- ever. If you felt like her lover, that is your issue, not hers, to deal with. The fact that you're admitting that aloud is appalling and the fact you want her to allow for that problem is even worse. It’s almost like he kept up a pretense of friendship and all the while imagining they were lovers. That’s so weird!!! And again, remains relatable (unfortunately).

The other allowance, which I mentioned earlier, is that he’s not a big “feelings” person and since he got carried away by his passions, she should understand why he feels crushed that the one time he’s swept off his feet by romance, the feelings are not returned. I hate to tell you, Henry, but just because you’re more “worldly” than the rest of us doesn’t mean you’re going to get a girlfriend faster: just a pro tip!

Both of these allowances are quite silly, in my opinion. Yeah, so you have a crush for the first time and you thought of her as your girlfriend and the feelings weren’t mutual. What is she supposed to do, give you a cookie? I’m being facetious, of course, I know what he’s actually hoping is for her to change her mind and be like “I had no idea I was your first crush 🥺 wow, since I’m so special to you, of course I’ll court you!!! 😍❤️” which — ugh. I want to say he doesn’t understand how women work, but I’m hard-pressed to see how this would work on anyone!! Maybe in his head it would work on one of those “regular London girls” (which I’m beginning to think is just a made up notion in his head of women anyway), but I’ve said that Margaret is not one of those women (if they do exist) and never will be. The fact that he thinks he can make her be one or she will become one in time is concerning: what would he be like if they did court? Would she be expected to change for him? Or even if he does like her as is, would she be expected to “act differently” in front of his friends and other relatives? Again, reading this in a NT/ND lens really adds another layer of meaning to how this would affect Margaret’s mental health in the long term.

He ends this by saying he’ll have to “console himself by scorning his own folly” and scoffing at the idea of a struggling man in his job thinking of marriage. First of all, she has literally said nothing about your profession — you brought that up briefly before in your confession (I didn’t mention it because I didn’t have anything to say on it) — but she never said “I’m not going to court you because you’re a lawyer struggling to make ends meet”. Of course, you’re going to think that because it’s easier to think of her as shallow (only after men for their current money) and the “problem” as something you can fix (he can fix a money issue, can’t fix her thoughts of him being a friend), but really: how in denial can you be?

Secondly, this is the first time he’s brought up marriage. Of course, in the Victorian age that’s where courtships were supposed to lead, but still. It’s interesting that he waited until now to drop that last bit in; it almost seems like a last-ditch lament to be like “woe is me! How could I think anyone would ever marry me 🥺💔” which would pull at the heartstrings. Of course, I’m likely reading too much into this because I’m reading it in the tone of him doing anything to try to get her to court/marry him, even using manipulation and guilt tactics to do so. Is it likely he’s just upset and saying whatever comes to mind? Sure. But some people will do anything to get their way and so far he hasn’t shown himself to be very graceful in dealing with rejection.

“Margaret could not answer this. The whole tone of it annoyed her. It seemed to touch on and call out all the points of difference which had often repelled her in him; while yet he was the pleasantest man, the most sympathising friend, the person of all others who understood her best in Harley Street. She felt a tinge of contempt mingle itself with her pain at having refused him. Her beautiful lip curled in a slight disdain.”

I suppose I’m not the only one getting bad vibes from this last speech. Margaret sees the worst parts of him — the little things that had always bothered her about him — and while she still feels bad about hurting him, she can’t help but visibly show “disdain” for the way he’s talking to her now.

Suddenly, they come upon Mr. Hale and Margaret feels as if she's had an out-of-body experience, comparing it to an Eastern tale of a king who went through an experience of a lifetime just by dipping his head in a magical basin of water. In other words, she is not the same as she was when she last saw her father!

Of course, due to the amount of emotions with everything that has just taken place, she is quite unable to speak and lets Henry and her father do most of the talking. Henry notices her quiet and morose look and:

“"I am not so indifferent to her as she believes,' thought he to himself. 'I do not give up hope."”

Oh...oh no. Henry, literally just accept the no. She told you no -- JUST ACCEPT THE -- ok, I need to calm down. This man is fictional. The problem is there are men -- nay, people -- who think like this. Who will hear a "no" and then see the person's face and have such a cognitive dissonance IN THEIR BRAIN that they're like "nah, they actually totally want me, THEY just can't see the truth yet." As if they know better.

It's really hilarious Henry thinks he knows Margaret's thoughts and feelings better than *she* does considering he doesn't even know how to talk to her without her shutting him down because he accidentally disrespected her small town (rhyme not intended but a pleasant surprise). How does he think a relationship with a foundation like that? I realize they are good friends and get along in other ways, but it is sooooo telling to me that the *second* he flirts, she either becomes uncomfortable or straight up doesn't get it (or pretends not to, depending on how you read it). How could they be married like that??

So yeah, unfortunately, Margaret is not even allowed to look sad without Henry jumping on the chance that she'll want him someday. I'm almost 100% sure this would've happened regardless of the facial expression she had. Happy (from trying to keep up a cheerful facade)? "Oh, she's actually super happy I confessed my feelings and will love me soon, just watch." Mad? "She's actually mad at herself for refusing me." Confused? "She doesn't know what she wants, she'll choose me eventually." That's just the kind of person we're dealing with here.

"Before a quarter of an hour was over, he had fallen into a way of conversing with quiet sarcasm; speaking of life in London and life in the country, as if he were conscious of his second mocking self, and afraid of his own satire."

Ok, so this passage is really hard to decipher for me and I might need some help figuring ot out! From what I'm able to gather, he's mainly mocking both the country and London, but maybe in also a self-depricating way as well (this is the main part I'm stuck on)? What I do understand is why he's doing this; Henry is a man who's default is to mock and be sarcastic. It's his coping mechanism for when things get too "real". We haven't seen him be as such yet because he hasn't needed to be around Margaret. However, now that he's been thrown off by her rejection, his way of dealing with it is to slip back into empty sarcasm.

Mr. Hale notices this change and is quite put off by it, even being relieved when he has to leave. He notes the change from the "lighter, clever, more worldly man" he saw earlier and at the wedding breakfast. It's interesting how a lot of people tend to use sarcasm to seem more clever and worldy, but Gaskell sees through this and contrasts them as opposites in this chapter! What a callout! She's so real for that.

At the last moment, Henry Lennox’s real self broke through the crust. “Margaret, don’t despise me; I have a heart, notwithstanding all this good-for-nothing way of talking. As a proof of it, I believe I love you more than ever—if I do not hate you—for the disdain with which you have listened to me during this last half-hour. Good-bye, Margaret—Margaret!”

First of all, describing the weird sarcasm thing he was doing as a "crust" is funny and interesting to me -- I didn't know that could mean "harsh" or "surly": the more you know! Secondly, love that he calls out his own coping mechanism while still having done it -- progress, I guess? And third -- best of all -- Henry, my guy, my dude, why on earth would you tell her you love her while also saying you might hate her because she hasn't been happy with you for the past 30 minutes???? I am truly baffled. Has this man ever wooed a woman in his life? For the sake of the female population, I truly hope not because if THIS is how he does it -- YIKES!!!! Luckily, he probably hasn't considering his whole "i'M a lAwYeR wHo dOeSnT hAvE bIg rOmAnCe fEeLiNgS" speech.

And that's the way the chapter ends, so I'll end with a couple of points I want to make clear.

I know I've been super hard on Henry and -- to be fair -- I think he's deserved some of it. But I don't think he's a bad person. So far, Gaskell has written all of her characters with a complexity and depth that shows you're supposed to root for these characters (more or less), while also understanding their flaws. There were times I pointed out when Margaret wasn't at her best either; while she isn't entitled to return Henry's feelings, she was sort of trivializing them and I wouldn't like that either. I think the problem with Henry is that he's used to getting what he wants and when he doesn't get it, he gets upset and lashes out the way he did with Margaret. I do honestly think he needs to work on himself and not think of romance right now because it sounds like he has deeper problems going on; if Margaret's rejection causes him to act like this, it's not just her rejection that's bothering him. I noticed that he talked about how he's currently struggling in his job and I think that can also account for him getting upset -- perhaps he had hoped for this to be a "good thing" to focus on instead of his work that isn't going well. I'm glad Margaret didn't return his feelings in that case because having one person the sole source of your happiness is never healthy and running away from your problems won't fix them! So yes, while I'm hard on him I do still think he has good moments and can be better: we're just seeing him at his worst. Still, that doesn't excuse his behavior, just explains it.

I also want to clarify for those who think I'm being too harsh on Henry and am doing so because I "don't understand what it's like to be rejected romantically". As a quick personal aside: I've been on his side of a romantic confession and was also rejected by someone who was my friend. And it hurt -- badly. Especially because there were many "signs" I read too much into as romantic (flirting, holding hands, etc.) so said rejection was not what I saw coming, much like Henry. However, when I realized that this person only saw me as a friend and wanted to keep it that way, I immediately told them "ok, I understand" and then took some time to myself to sort through my feelings. These were mainly embarrasment, shame, sorrow, and anger -- not at the person, but at myself for potentially ruining the friendship over this.

My main problem with Henry is that he reacts to Margaret's rejection with disappointment, anger, frustration, and hurt. These don't seem like the kind of emotions that come with an unselfish love, I hate to say it. I know there is likely more feelings bubbling beneath the surface, but if he's going to react that way and realizes he's hurting her in the process (which he does), he should ask for space while he sorts himself out. I get that wasn't "the thing" back then so I guess it's a bit harder for me to say "oh, Henry should've just left!" when no, he can't just abruptly leave like that and "oh, Henry should just work on his mental health" when that was very much not talked of. I'm just trying to think of ways he could've better handled this situation; he can't help his feelings, but he can help how he acts on those feelings. And it's not fair to Margaret to continually pressure her into a relationship she so obviously does not want. Additionally, the way he makes his confession/proposal frustrates me too because he mainly makes it about himself and his feelings. He wishes she wasn't happy at Helstone, he loves her, he's not a romantic person so it's a big deal for him. I mean, he doesn't even talk about her good qualities or what he likes about her: even Mr. "and what excellent boiled potatoes" Collins did that!!!!!

As a final note, if you're reading Dracula Daily at the same time as North and South Weekly, you may have noticed a few parallels between this failed proposal and Jack Seward's failed proposal. I want to dive into them and why I respect Seward's more than Lennox's, but I don't want to do it here because this post might be my longest to date and I'd rather make it a separate post anyway!

So yeah, another great chapter, excited to see what happens next week!

[kitcatia]

There's something that really gets me about the enhanced tragedy of an AU where Arthur, Jack, Quincey, Lucy, Mina and Jonathan all are A functional and healthy polycule. The thought that they were perfectly happy and that everything would have worked out if Dracula hadn't interfered in their lives breaks my heart.

For clarification, this is my first time reading the book, but I got some spoilers (heard about certain movies and watched OSP's video months before I decided to join Dracula daily) and I keep imagining:

Given the fact that, at least so far, I perceive Lucy as the 'main poly' that connects her boyfriends and girlfriend; and despite the fact that Mina would also be poly and link Lucy to Jonathan, and even considering the possibility of some of the suitors dating amongst themselves…

The loss of Lucy would absolutely break the polycule. Sure, they'd be bloodshot and eager for revenge, but what comes next? I'd say that, even though they'd make all the effort to still be part of each others' lives, Lucy was the link that kept them all together. She was their reason to hang out and do things as a group and, without her, a lot of things they used to do together would simply not make sense anymore. I'm sure they'd manage to still be a great friend group, but everything would change so much, to the point that they barely can call themselves the same people that once composed such a happy and hopeful polycule.

(This is all a modern AU concept btw)

I love the idea of Mina struggling with her feelings because, see, she has known Jonathan since forever and she has loved him since they were kids. Jonathan is the best friend and best boyfriend any girl could have ever asked for.

But she's also known Lucy since forever and loves her very deeply. Their relationship is so intimate and so special. They love calling each other "my best friend". And yet… some lonely nights, when Mina rereads old messages where Lucy playfully joked that they are so overtly affectionate for one another that "someone that doesn't know them could easily suppose they are a couple", she can't help but wish that this hypothetical someone would be right in their supposition.

Both Lucy and Mina know themselves to be bi and have been out to each other for a while now, even though they are very secretive about the details of how they figured it out, since they were each others' awakenings and wouldn't want the other to know that.

Both of them would love to be together, but Mina also loves Jonathan and Lucy would never want to get in the way of such a lovely couple. Also, they're both terrified that a step too far could ruin the amazing friendship they already have.

Mina is also out as bi to Jonathan for sure. I like to think he'd get very emotional when Mina came out to him, because he knows, despite identifying as straight, how difficult this type of honesty can be.

Mina wishes there was a way to reconcile these feelings. She wishes that loving Lucy and loving Jonathan weren't mutually exclusive. And some night, after spending hours grading piles of tests, she just caved and decided to look up online resources on how she could possibly deal with a situation like hers.

After a lot of thorough research and a very long and sweet conversation with Lucy and Jonathan, the three of them come to the conclusion that there surely is a way for Mina to date both of them. Mina strikes me as the type of poly to have incredibly organized schedules and spreadsheets on how to reconcile her work life with spending time with her two partners. Lucy would start to figure out that she might be poly too and Jonathan, despite still being monoamorous, would be extremely supportive of his girlfriend and his metamour.

Eventually, Lucy starts getting along with Arthur and comes to the conclusion, after talking about it with Mina, that there is space for one more love in her life. Arthur takes some explaining as he struggles for a while to grasp the concept, but thankfully Mina still has the PowerPoint she made to explain it to Lucy and Jonathan. And it is a very comprehensive PowerPoint.

But then when Quincey and Jack come along, Lucy is a bit scared that this would be too much. Too much for her, for Arthur, for Mina, for Jonathan. Poor Jonathan! He will need to be briefed on so much when come back from his business trip!

When she sits down with her boyfriend and her two new friends, asking them very sweetly (I imagine Arthur holding her hand to give her courage) if they are familiar with the concept polyamory, Quincey's eyes widen and Jack blushes and looks down to fidget with his hands, as they are taken by surprise. Lucy's heart sinks all the way to her stomach. She knew she shouldn't have done this, that this was a dream too good to ever come true, that now she ruined her chances to have Jack and Quincey as good friends, that now they'll see her as a selfish weirdo. Arthur's grasp on her hand tightens, as if holding it more strongly would transfer some strength to Lucy.

But all of this tension quickly dissipates as Quincey's eyes go from surprised to delighted and Jack looks up smiling an awkward but ultimately happy smile. Arthur looks Lucy in the eyes and tells her he knew his friends wouldn't turn down the proposal of a girl as amazing as her.

Mina quickly receives a message and she is thrilled to hear she's getting not one, but three new metamours to befriend and with which to conspire about all the best ways to make Lucy happy.

She simply cannot wait to tell Jonathan about such exciting news! He really can't come back from his trip soon enough.

[vickyvicarious]

Then I ran to the window and cried to them. They looked up at me stupidly and pointed, but just then the "hetman" of the Szgany came out, and seeing them pointing to my window, said something, at which they laughed. Henceforth no effort of mine, no piteous cry or agonised entreaty, would make them even look at me. They resolutely turned away.

Looking at this through a lens of "hey maybe they aren't all racist stereotypes and actually would like to help". Admittedly the laughter and deliberate ignoring makes it harder this time around to interpret their reactions as anything but mocking. But it's that last line which I find most compelling. Resolutely. It can imply a sort of effort being put into turning away, that it might be very difficult to do. Like they find it genuinely painful to have to ignore someone screaming and begging for help. But they know they do have to.

Who knows what the hetman said. The laughter makes it seem like a joke, though a mean-spirited one. But maybe this is more of that black humor the coach driver showed on May 5 when he made jokes about Jonathan likely meeting many fierce dogs before he sleeps. He "looked round to catch the approving smile of the rest" with this line, and I think that making macabre jokes is a very human reaction to being force to deal with/live under the rule of Dracula. To a certain extent, what else can you even do but try to laugh about it? So perhaps the hetman says something along the lines of, "The Count's beloved guest is not so excited to continue his stay," and everyone laughs because yeah, you can say that again. But they all stop looking at him right away, because he is the Count's beloved guest and they know what that means. If Dracula wants to keep him then trying to help in any way would only bring danger down on their own heads. Also, by trying to ignore him, they're trying not to acknowledge that they are leaving someone in this situation.

If we go with the "the guy last time genuinely tried to deliver Jonathan's letter but Dracula took it from him by force" interpretation then perhaps one person has already been harmed or even killed for trying to aid this 'guest'. Maybe they've been warned about him prior to their arrival, even, told specifically not to acknowledge him. Who knows. Meanwhile, from Jonathan's POV, of course their laughter feels mocking, of course their avoidance is painful - not only because another shot at hope is slipping away but because they seem to be playing right into the view of them which Dracula himself worked to predispose Jonathan towards: loyal to Dracula and not caring about his plight.

But I personally like this interpretation much better. Not only is it less of a caricature, but it reinforces the trend of people/side characters for the most part being basically good and wanting to either help or just do their jobs, but getting used by/unable to stand up to Dracula along the way. Also, the disconnect between them feeling deeply uncomfortable and cracking jokes/avoiding looking at Jonathan to try and deal with that - but as a result of these actions being read by him as showing evidence of genuine amusement/lack of care - is honestly really good tragic horror to me.

Especially when it comes after this line: "With joy I hurried to the window..." I'm pretty sure that's the only time Jonathan has used the word 'joy'. Even despite his failure last time (and despite using some racist/insulting descriptions of them), he was initially delighted to hear and see other people. And then it all came crashing down, once again. The impact hits even harder if you choose to believe they didn't want this either, I think.

[c-schroed]

Podcasts I Adore - Re: Dracula or This Year, Our Friend Jonathan Has a Podcast!

"I had for dinner, or rather supper, a chicken done up some way with red pepper, which was very good but thirsty. (Memorandum: Get recipe for Mina.)"

I wanted to join "Dracula Daily" ever since I heard of it. To me, this is a stroke of genius; it's just the perfect approach to this book. I mean, not only is Bram Stoker's horror classic an epistolary novel with precise dates given for every journal entry or letter written by one of its protagonists, it also spans quite an ideal amount of time, i.e. roughly half a year. Long enogh to give it a feeling of something interesting and important slowly unraveling, short enough to not feel like too much of a commitment.

So yeah, I really wanted to join "Dracula Daily". Especially because I wanted to read the novel in English for years already (so far I've only read its German translation, because that's my native language). But, alas, I do not find the time so easily to add a book to my to do list, so I ended up not joining this lovely book club last year, fearing I'd miss out on most of the entries sooner or later.

Enter "Regarding Dracula". Right after seeing it for the very first time I knew this will be perfect for me. I already have a habit of listening to audio drama on my daily commute, and preferably in the form of fictional podcasts. So quite literally, @re-dracula had me at hello.

And gosh, they did not disappoint. Although I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed to find out that the format is more that of a classical audio drama, with voice actors speaking every line of their respective character. Originally, I was hoping for a more podcast-like approach, meaning that each actor speaks all of the text of a journal entry or letter, period. As if Jonathan would make a podcast instead of notes in his journal. I simply like it when audio fiction uses the possibilities of podcasts, and "Dracula" felt like something that could profit from this way of storytelling, too. So yes, I admit it: I was a bit disappointed. But not for long.

After hearing just a few sentences of Karim Kronfli as Dracula, I immediately understood the decision to breathe life into each character this way. I mean, I love Ben Galpin's work as Jonathan, but Dracula really, really profits from Kronfli's nonchalant but still breathtakingly powerful and confident take on this charakter.

And Mr. Kromfli is not the only one who makes a redefiningly marvellous job here. So far, all the voice actors go far out of their way to make me fall in love with each and every one of them: Ben Galpin's Jonathan is heartbreakingly relatable, Isabel Adomakoh Young's Mina is capable and charming beyond measure, and Beth Eyre's Lucy is just gorgeous. Yes. I'm in love.

In addition to all that talent of its cast, "Re: Dracula" also has a neat and absolutely on point score and sound design. And, just like the basic idea of "Dracula Daily", it really gives you a feeling of how time passes between the journal entries and letters. Haven't heard anything of Jonathen for a while? One does start to worry a bit. Lucy answering to Mina just two days after the Mina's letter? Wow, that was quick, I guess (not sure how quickly the postal service worked back then, though). Even if one has read "Dracula" again and again, I am sure this form of presentation can grant new insights!

So, if you, like me, are a more eager listener than reader, or if you happen to like close-to-perfection audio drama, then please give this a shot! I bet you, like me, will soon be finding yourself eagerly, yearningly awaiting the next bit of news from your good friend Jonathan, who hopefully soon returns from that terrible business trip of his. 9 out of 10 points.

[buffster]

Buffy vs Dracula (BTVS 5.01)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

Really leaning into the camp with this one.

It’s clear from the outset that the writers are preparing for Riley to exit. Now that the drama of the Initiative is over, we are stepping right into the idea that Buffy and Riley don’t actually work as a couple. Riley has fallen asleep (presumably satisfied and relaxed after some sexy times) while Buffy lies awake. She sneaks out and does some late-night slaying. She satisfies him, he doesn’t satisfy her. 

When the gang hangs out at the beach for some relaxing, we also see that Buffy consistently holds back from Riley without ever mentioning it. When he says she throws like a girl she puts a little effort in and immediately knocks him over and ruins the ball. This puts forward the idea that Buffy is deliberately holding her Slayer self back from Riley. We’ll get more into this through the season.

The group begins a conversation about making life choices. Xander doesn’t have a steady future, Riley can’t focus his major, and Willow is still deciding what she wants to major in. It surprises me that she wants to take a drama class after all her fears from past seasons. I guess this is a sign she is trying to leave the old Willow behind. Giles has spent the summer archiving texts, labeling amulets, and generally preparing to leave Buffy behind. He tells only Willow that he’s planning to go, and it seems like that’s because he’s prepared her to be mini-Giles. 

Buffy is patrolling alone when she meets Dracula. He immediately causes her to question her power by labeling her a killer. He says her power is rooted in darkness. It appears this season will continue to explore what it means to be a Slayer. Anya, Willow, and Buffy (and Xander?) all find Dracula attractive. They discover he can read and control minds and appear in dreams. 

Riley’s restlessness is clear here. He doesn’t really like or fit in with the Scooby method of dealing with a problem. We see him pacing, distractedly muttering that the Initiative would be able to pull files on Dracula and give them all the information they needed in seconds. He visits Spike for information just to feel like he’s taking some kind of action. 

Riley picks up on Buffy’s attraction to Dracula. It’s made worse when she hides that she’s been bitten, and he finds out. He doesn’t think she’s under Dracula’s spell but is just transferring feelings of Angel onto Dracula. As we watch Buffy begin to get more and more curious about what it means to be a Slayer (and running from it less), we see Riley pick up on that part of her he can’t reach and get more insecure.

Dracula understands part of her Slayer side, and this curiosity draws her in.

A little inconsistency with Joyce this season. She’s lonely and invited Dracula in, which I guess we will blame on his mystical alure rather than her being naive. But there’s a little joke where she says something about wanting to give up on men altogether and Willow and Tara sort of side-eye each other, like she doesn’t know they’re a couple. But then next episode Dawn is writing in her diary and it’s pretty clear Joyce does know they’re a couple. Not really important, just something I noticed.

Giles being seduced by the vampires and Riley rescuing him was a funny scene. Also interesting, though, because Riley is laser focused on Buffy and not at all tempted at this point. But we know he’ll be in that exact same position later in the season...

Buffy is still under Dracula’s spell until she tastes blood. It snaps her out of her trance, because she might not be sure what her power is leading her to, but it’s not that. She’s not a vampire. She beats Dracula. 

Also...how many times did he come back? How did she know he was gone for good?

Xander: Damn it!.. You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats the insects and gets the funny syphilis! As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey!

Buffy’s decision to re-commit to Slayer training derails Giles’ decision to leave. She wants to know more about what she is. We’re pivoting away from past seasons, where all Buffy wanted to do was run away from her power. 

Annnnd....Dawn.

Character Notes:

Buffy Summers: She says she’s fought fanboys that called themselves Lestat.

Willow Rosenberg: When the gang is exhausted looking at Buffy and Riley’s exertion, she says they’ve put their finger on why they’re the sidekicks. She loves mochas and is starting to get addicted to them. 

Xander Harris: Xander was fired from flipping burgers “in like a day” and is now working construction. Anya mentions he’s been looking at sexy girls in tool belts.

Anya Jenkins: She hung out with Dracula a few times in her evil days. She once cursed someone by making them incredibly fat.

Riley Finn: He’s trying to decide whether to focus on psycholinguistics or cognitive neurobiology for his psychology masters. 

Tara Maclay: Her joke only lands with Willow, which makes her embarrassed.

Joyce Summers: Buffy suggests she get a pet. She says a cat is too pathetic and a rat too creepy. She says she’ll think about a dog.

Spike: He says Dracula owes him 11 pounds.

[alpaca-clouds]

Hector and Trauma

You know what. I wanna talk about Hector from Castlevania, specifically the Netflix version of the character. (Again: I hate CoD Hector, who just replaces his dead girlfriend for her fucking clone. That's just fucking low.)

As people might've noticed... I am kinda obsessing about this man right now. And the main reason is that... I really do identify with him in a way I have not identified with a fictional character before. I read him as autistic (though I am not sure whether he was supposed to be read that way or just happens to be written in a way that every single autistic person I know reads him so...) and I very much identify with the C-PTSD that he clearly has.

We do not know much about his childhood, other than "lonely kid revives animals to have friends" and "abusive parents". We do not know how far the abuse went, so whether it was just verbal abuse (which we know about) or went into physical abuse. All we know is that at some point he could no longer take it and killed his parents by setting the house on fire and locking them inside. We don't know, how old he was after this and what exactly he did after that. Only that in his early 20s he is somewhere on Rhodes with his undead animals, has already met Dracula once and then agrees to "cull" humans and then creates night creatures for Drac.

Again, there is little information for what has happened in the time in between. But we get enough information to understand that he has been at least somewhat mistreated by other humans, making him wish for humans to be somewhat culled.

Here my interpretation of him being autistic comes in, too. Because... an autistic child with an abusive home will completely lack social skills and hence will probably meet with a lot of abuse from other people. Because he would not know how to act around them.

Something we do see: He kinda seems to understand that Dracula is doing a genocide and not just a cull. But he very willingly ignores it or keeps himself soothed by thinking that he is just misunderstanding it until Carmilla comes in.

Now, Carmilla makes it clear that Dracula lied to him. But she obviously also betrays him and then abuses him. Something that is kinda ignored: During the march to Styria he is constantly abused. He has fresh bruises, when he arrives at Styria, making it rather clear, that he got beaten up constantly during the long march there. So: Say hello to even more trauma.

Along comes Lenore, her original violence against him and then obviously her betrayel. And let me make one thing clear: What she does to him in the finale of season 3 is sexual assault. Maybe not in the legal sense, but speaking of a psychological effect, it clearly is SA.

Obviously at that point we do have season 4. Where he seems kinda... fine. Like, what we see is, that he presents as fine. He is joking with Lenore. He is making his escape plan. He appears to be okay. Which is a state that seems to continue till the end of the show. Heck, we see him smile as Lenore dies........

And that should be a hint on how not-okay he is.

Let me talk about child abuse first. See, here is the thing: Children do not only develop physically, but also psychological and neurological. In that, they need to learn certain things at certain points in time. One of the first things children are supposed to learn, is to trust and mistrust. But for that they need a stable surrounding in which they can trust that they are cared for. Which children, who get abused or neglected, usually do not have. Especially with the dialogue we have from his mother: "I knew you were wrong from the moment you came out of me." (Note: This is another reason I read him as autistic, because at times autism shows even at infant age and without the information it might lead to parents not quite bonding with the child.)

They also need to learn some basic autonomy early on and to deal with self-doubt and shame. Which again abused children, who do not get encouraged to develop autonomy in a healthy environment and often might get shamed cannot develop.

Some other things they need to learn is how to deal with guilt, how to understand consequences, how to develop an identity and also what role they have in society. All things that children, who are abused, cannot properly learn. Additionally here, because Hector clearly has not found his own place in the society he lived in.

And this is something we actually do see in the show. He is absolutely unable to understand whom to trust or to see any red flags. He also is so clearly longing to be loved and praised by someone. Which is why he falls for Dracula and Carmilla and then Lenore. Heck, good chance that his understanding with Varney went something like that.

He is obviously not aware of this, but he is very much compensating for what was not given to him.

There are several characters over the entire story, that note how he has the mind of a child. And part of that is just, that he has childhood trauma and developmental delays because of it. And this delay is used again and again against him.

Something that is very noticable in the show is, that Hector never once cries. No matter how much he is abused and betrayed, he does not cry outside of the flashbacks where he is a kid. Now, in any other show it would not be that noticable, because we rarely do not see men cry in media........ but Castlevania is different here. Castlevania has no qualms letting the men cry.

Now, IRL it is obviously that a lot of men got taught not to cry. Because our society has the entire "boys don't cry" thing going on. BUT... I kinda doubt that is what is going on here.

See, one thing that happens in some cases, when people have amassed too much trauma, is, that they loose the ability for appropriate emotional responses to things happening to them. Mostly because the brain cannot process the emotion normally any longer.

Which is also why I think he is smiling in that last scene. Because... I mean, let's face it. The Lenore death thing has to be fucking traumatizing too. But he just... doesn't quite have the ability to process it in any proper way.

Now, how much of this is intended reading?

Honestly, I do have no idea. But at some points his behavior does make a lot of sense from the CPTSD point of view - and it is even called out by other character. Which kinda makes me think that at least some of it was intended.

Either way: I am rather thinking the man has a lot of healing to do post-canon. Because he not only has to heal from the stuff that happens to him in the series, but also the entire childhood trauma, that so very clearly is not addressed.

And if he addresses that trauma, there will also be a point in which he has to face his guilt. Because that is very much another thing he has not yet done.

Anyways. I adore him. And I want him to be alright. Q-Q

[nerdsbianhokie]

Decided to do @queerliblib s summer bingo cause I like reading and ticking boxes.

The rainbow books are spaces I already have a book in my immediate to-read pile, so I can track what I will fill in for sure.

List of books I've read below the cut

Format switch: The Rainbow Parade by Emily Neilson, read in a read along formet.

This one was tricky cause I cannot read ebooks, no matter how much I try. So, I figured I'd go for something shorter and saw that they have read along books and decided to go with that. It's a cute little story that my conservative brother would not want to read to his child and that's a massive win.

Stonewall Award winner: The Black Flamingo by Dean Atta

This has been sitting on my shelf for months and I read it in one sitting this morning. I really liked it, but it's another tick in the 'most young adult stories don't do it for me anymore' colomn, which if very long if i'm honest. Do recomend.

Memoir: All Boys Aren't Blue by George M. Johnson

A memoir about growing up black and gay. The voice was really good, and enhanced because it was read by the author.

Book with a Protagonist Older than 40: How Y'all Doing by Leslie Jordan

Focus of a memoir is the protagonist, right? Imma say it is. I've never been into instagram and such, so I didn't see Leslie Jordan's contant beyond what filtered to tumblr, but knew enough about him to be interested. A genuinly funny read, and he narrated it so well in the audio book.

Queer non-fiction: The Women's House of Detention: A Queer History of a Forgotten Prison by Hugh Ryan

An interesting and difficult read. Really highlights the cruelty of the criminal legal system and how pivitol it is to the queer community in New York.

Indigenous Author: This Town Sleeps by Dennis E. Staples

An interesting quick read. The audio book made switching POVs confusing at times, but not enough to really pull me out of the story. I adore the dog's name and the reason behind it.

Genre fiction: The Route of Ice and Salt by José Luis Zárate and translated by David Bowles

A retelling of the journey of The Demeter from Dracula, from the pov of the gay captain. Very literary and very good.

Comic, manga, or graphic novel: Anne: An Adpatation of Anne of Green Gables (Sort Of) by Kathleen Gros

I started another book for this one, but couldn't get into it, then I saw this one while browsing the library on libby and was hooked. A quick, easy read and very sweet. I love this version of Anne and the ways the original book events are adapted.

Set in the past: The Once and Future Witches by Alix E. Harrow

Such a good read. I love the small bits of world building done through the differences in tales and rhymes we have today. Each character is very distinct and I would die for James Juniper.

Coming of age: The Western Alienation Merit Badge by Nancy Jo Cullen

tbh, I had no real idea what to expect with this one, probably more connections to merit badges. Really got into it and very emotional at points.

Main character doesn't share an identity with you: Melissa by Alex Gino

I've heard of this one, obviously, but never read it. It's very cute and I really enjoyed it.

Queer Picture book: Let Me Out: a pop-out about coming out! by Omis Razavi

Got this one through their crowdfunding years ago. It's great

Do a subject heading search to find a book: The Trees Grew Because I Bled There: Collected Stories by Eric LaRocca

I searched horror and found this one. Some of the stories are better than others, and the writing style made it a little hard for me to get into some of them, but very good overall.

[pinkacademic]

Studying Literature

I'm starting things off with what I actually know about!

Ok, Lit girlies, let’s get it started! How in the name of Jane Austen do you actually study literature? The answer isn’t just “lol read?” but actually find your passion for it, and find connections between you and the person one, two, five hundred years ago who is feeling and struggling and trying their best alongside this same text.

This is going to be a series of three parts- Finding the Connections, Themes and Context, and Actusl Studying- starting today with connecting to literature written 100+ years before you were born because personally, that’s where I think the passion for classics is found.

How it applies to Real Life in Modern Day

If you’re struggling to connect to characters from classic literature, you need to reframe how you think about them. Consider- Clueless is just Emma, right? Therefore Emma Woodhouse (handsome, clever, and rich) is just a pretty rich girl who likes playing matchmaker and is perhaps a little bit spoiled. Similarly, 10 Things I Hate About You is the Taming of the Shrew and even features plenty of references to Shakespeare in the naming of people and places.

Let’s look at a couple of other examples of how we can find connections.

Dracula: Of course, Dracula Daily has been bringing Dracula to the forefront again, and has been bringing about modernisations in the form of calling Jonathan Harker a poor little meow meow. But why? Because he’s just so meow, that’s why Because people are finding aspects of his character relatable and amusing. He’s essentially a recent graduate being given an insane opportunity for travel, and a great degree of responisbility- how exciting! And he’s learning about other cultures and trying new food! And experiencing the horrors! How novel!

Wuthering Heights: Catherine Earnshaw- a hopeless romantic in many senses of the word: she wants the romance of true love, and she wants the romance of the wilderness surrounding the Heights. She feels trapped in the world of what everyone else wants her to be after realising that what she thought she wanted wasn’t what she wanted. Heathcliff- a man wronged in his childhood who lets his emotions become all-consuming. Would you be the same in his circumstances? Can you be sure you wouldn’t be?

The Picture of Dorian Gray: I’ll admit that I didn’t enjoy this one. I loved the premise, but I just struggled. But still, I understand Dorian being swayed and tempted as if by the devil, I understand unrequited love, I understand obsession. And, weirdly enough, I have been part of two forbidden romances… like two nickels isn’t a lot, but it is weird that it happened twice.

Let’s have a look at some Shakespeare, then, while we’re at it

The Merchant of Venice: (Did I choose this because its my fave and I’m biased? Yes!) Forbidden love! Romance! A sympathetic villain! What’s not to love? The courtroom scene is right out of Legally Blonde- featuring girlboss lawyers in disguise to boot! And Shylock’s badass monologue calls morality into question. Here’s my fave line “If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?”

Hamlet: Yes, by god, it is LONG! Listen, 15-minute Hamlet by Tom Stoppard will help you for this one. And so will the Lion King. Make it easier for yourselves, loves! BUT Hamlet is one for the Buzzfeed Unsolved/Watcher’s Ghost Files and Mystery Files girlies! There’s a ghost right from the start! There’s a whole slew of murders, and there’s a man losing grip of reality. Hamlet himself is a student who has lost his father and is questioning the morality of revenge. He’s such an old character that he’s been interpreted and reinterpreted a hundred thousand times, and if you go through the Royal Shakespeare Company among others, you can surely find one you can relate to.

My point here is that, though some of the characters in classics might seem distant, you can find timeless themes in these stories, and if you just push the boundaries of how you think about the characters, there is going to be something you find relatable.

Go forth and have fun with classics, while I work on the installment on Themes… no, we are not shying away from problematic literature here! Also, feel free to pop me an ask, a comment, or a dm, if you have anything you want to see!

[aux-barricades]

Tips for Les Mis Daily readers who want to avoid spoilers

Are you planning to read Les misérables in 2023? That's awesomet! As someone who has been in the Les Mis fandom for several years and had a blast in 2022 during Dracula Daily, I'm looking forward to joining Les Mis Letters and seeing how all the new people react to things old fans are already accustomed to.

But a word of warning: the Les Mis fandom is huge and active, so if you come to Tumblr for your daily memes, it will probably be a challenge to avoid spoilers.

That's why I've decided to share some advice based on my Tumblr experience in this fandom. This may not be enough to avoid all the potential spoilers if you're here very often, but I hope it will at least help you dodge a good amount of them.

This post is for you if:

You've never read Les misérables.

You haven't seen the musical or any other adaptation (or you have but it was so long ago that you hardly remember anything or you have but you aren't sure how accurate the adaptations are, so whatever happens in the book will come as a surprise).

You will be checking Tumblr while taking part in Les Mis Daily.

You don't like spoilers.

Mute the "les mis spoilers", "les miz spoilers" and "les miserables spoilers" tags. This one is obvious, but it won't be enough, so please keep reading.

Mute the "les mis", "les miz" and "les miserables" tags. Les Mis fans regularly use them to post pics, fanart, fanfics, metas and all kind of spoiler content and they don't tag them as spoilers because it's just regular posting for them.

Don't follow Les Mis blogs that aren't joining Les Mis Daily unless they commit to tag spoilers during this event.

Avoid musical blogs in general, since they usually share pics that may or may not contain book spoilers.

Don't scroll down or search the archive of old Les Mis or musical blogs. Some of them (such as mine) will be spoiler-free or tag the spoilers during this event, but if you scroll down enough you'll inevitably find content you'd rather not see yet.

Don't check any character's tags. Again, people who aren't joining Les Mis Daily will be posting about them and you'll come across spoilers more likely than not.

Try to stick to the "les mis daily", "les mis letters" or other event-specific tags. That's where people will be posting the day-to-day memes, metas and stuff anyway, so those tags will be your safest place to find people who are reading the book at your same pace.

Be especially careful from the 1st to the 7th June. The fandom goes wild during that week, especially on the 5th and 6th June. Mute the "barricade day", "barricade days" and "barricade week" tags. Don't worry, you'll only have to wait a few months to know why and then you can always check the tags later.

That's all I can think of for now, but I'll update this post if something else comes to mind (and if any Les Mis fan happen to read this, feel free to add your advice!).

And don't worry if you end up seeing spoilers! One day I'll tell you how I spoiled myself with an internet search I was too curious to delay... but the thing is, even though I was sad to find out something I would have preferred to read in the book at the right time, it didn't really take away from the effect when I actually reached that point. Les misérables is a huge book (fans call it "the brick") and even if you come across some major spoiler, there'll still have hundreds of pages you know nothing about.

Good luck and see you in the Les Mis Daily tag! 😄

[tenebris-lux]

Catching up on Dracula Daily.

Van Helsing: “Friend John, this has been a great hour; and it have done much to advance us on our way. You must be scribe and write him all down, so that when the others return from their work you can give it to them; then they shall know as we do.”

I can hear Jack crying in his mind about that assignment, but he ain’t bitching on paper cuz it ain’t important right now. This isn’t a “waiting to see what happens, so I’m just killing time” entry. This one has a more specific purpose to catch everyone else up to speed, and can be reviewed for useful info in catching the Count.

It’s a shame they have that belief of the “criminal mind” being “naturally underdeveloped.” It’s just so blatantly wrong, even in story.

I wonder if Dracula has ever done to someone else what he’s done to Mina—making a connection that can be used to spy on the person’s surroundings and read their mind. If so, I wonder if the hypnosis being used to spy in reverse ever came up. I would guess not, and that it’s a detrimental (to him) side effect he was unaware of until this point. So now he’s cut off the deliberate part of the mental connection so he can’t be tracked. Unfortunately for him, he can’t “un-turn” her at this point, so some connection remains. Not much of one, though. If he knows magic outside of vampiric abilities (as was hinted earlier), I wonder if he’s putting in efforts to fortify his mind against intruders.

Now that Mina’s freer to be involved, she goes to it with a will. She catches up on all that she missed, and does some serious deduction as to what the Count will do next.

It’s because of her that they were all able to form plans for pursuing/ambushing the Count. The guys all got the info of his movements so far, which was necessary, but she put it all together and was able to infer what would work best for Count Dracula.

The hypnosis trance she was in where she said, “There is another sound, a queer one like——” and then ‘She stopped and grew white, and whiter still.’ I wonder that was when Dracula was killing Skinsky. That’s a horrible thing to witness, and from the POV of the one ripping his throat out. It seems like a mercy that she can’t remember it, but I wonder if it’ll pop up in her dreams from time to time in the future.

Mina typed out all the entries she hasn’t seen up to this point. It was October 5th that she made the decision to not be privy to any of the discussions about hunting Dracula, but I like to think this was the first time she reviewed the October 3 entries as well. I remember on October 4, she and Jonathan went over the old entries a few times, but I’m not sure if she saw Jonathan’s entry on the 3rd. I’ve no doubt that she’s seen his suffering this whole month, but she was also very distracted—she herself had been struggling to overcome a horrific assault, and the entire time felt some supernatural weight “binding her” until recently. It was only around sunrise and sunset when she felt that binding feeling lessen, and they were using those as opportunities to eavesdrop on Dracula. Now she feels the whole weight lift off.

In a way, it sounds kind of like depression (at least the depressive episodes I’ve been in). When it lifts finally, one can feel more “awake” and aware. She’s got her energy back and is using it to catch up, and with that comes some awareness of things she might have missed through being kind of “fogged out” and left out of the meetings. This isn’t to say that I think she was oblivious to Jonathan’s suffering as well, but she may not have noticed the depths of it, as her words seem to indicate:

“… poor dear, dear Jonathan, what he must have suffered, what must he be suffering now. He lies on the sofa hardly seeming to breathe, and his whole body appears in collapse. His brows are knit; his face is drawn with pain. Poor fellow, maybe he is thinking, and I can see his face all wrinkled up with the concentration of his thoughts. Oh! If I could only help at all…. I shall do what I can.”

From the more Doylist perspective, it’s because the only word of it we’ve had is from Jack, and he doesn’t have the emotional connection to Jonathan that Mina does, so he’s noticing just the superficial changes, and that’s all that’s been documented. Harker’s own entries have just been focused on what they have to do, but he can’t see the forest for the trees. And Mina’s been depressed (emotionally and supernaturally). So now Mina’s giving her take, and she’s noticing the deeper toll this whole experience is having on his psyche. And from there, she starts her detective work for hunting Dracula. The sooner this is over with, the better it’ll be for the both of them.

Also, bless Quincey for getting Mina the typewriter. He knows she’s going to want stuff to do, and that’s her realm.

[serial-serializednovelreader]

Nova’s Notes - Dracula Daily - May 28

Finally, a letter from our good friend Jonathan Harker! I’m sure nothing bad has happened to him since his last entry. /s

So right off the bat, he tells us his plan for escape using the Szgany people as a means of sending two secret letters home, one to Mina and one to Mr. Hawkins.

“To her I have explained my situation, but without the horrors which I may only surmise. It would shock and frighten her to death were I to expose my heart to her.”

I’ve seen some flack on him from this and that’s valid, but I want to approach this from a different perspective (also, I’m a total Jonathan apologist).

So from what we can see here, he’s “explained the situation” to Mina. I’m going to assume that means “I’m trapped in this castle with no means of escape for the next 32 days, after which I’m not sure what’s going to happen to me. You will receive letters from me saying I’m on my way home, don’t believe them. I am being held here against my will, you and Mr. Hawkins need to find a way to get me out of this.”

Obviously, I’m sure that’s not actually how he said it — he likely said it much more covertly than that — but that’s the gist. While he does say he hasn’t explained the horrors to her, one of the reasons he doesn’t is because, again, he can only speculate about what’s going on here. He doesn’t have hardcore evidence that anyone wants to suck his blood or that the Count wants to murder him. His livelihood is built off of facts and sending a letter that has a ton of speculation without proof in it is pretty much against his moral code at this point.

Also, think about the position it would put Mina in if she received a letter filled with the horrors he has endured. Jonathan is placing her in a position of trust and power by telling his boss to “communicate with her” (to figure out a plan of escape for him). If Mina knows exactly what has gone down in that castle, she likely will be much more frantic in trying to get him out of there (and who can blame her?). But Mr. Hawkins wouldn’t be. He doesn’t know anything about what is going on, and that would then put Mina in the position of likely having to explain everything to Mr. Hawkins and him deciding whether he believes her or not. Sure, she can show him the letter, but I don’t know if he reads shorthand, and if he’s skeptical enough, he might dismiss the entire letter as “not from Jonathan” (this could be an exaggeration, but we also don’t know Mr. Hawkins well enough to know his character).

However, Jonathan being held against his will by an unreasonable client is something a bit more down-to-earth. While Mina might leave off the “after-32-days-who-knows-what-will-happen-to-me” part, she can say that Jonathan has tried to ask the Count to leave and has been refused for various reasons. Mr. Hawkins has likely dealt with this before and knows ways to counteract this. Perhaps he can send a letter to the count requesting his solicitor back for urgent matters, or something of the kind. While this likely wouldn’t have worked (due to, you know, it being *Dracula* we’re dealing with), Jonathan is eager to try anything at this point and this would be playing into Dracula’s illusion of Jonathan simply being a guest who can leave at any time. Plus, Jonathan knows if this tactic doesn’t work, he has more serious grounds to say the Count is holding him against his will.

Another point, he probably doesn’t have an unlimited supply of paper to work with, so he also wants to keep this letter relatively short. He could just read the pages from his diary and include those but that would make for a bulky envelope and it might not even fit.

On the emotional side, if you were in a horrifying situation and had one letter to send home, what would you put in that letter? Would you play up the horror of what you’re going through or simply emphasize the importance of getting out of there and how your loved one can help? While, yes, he should include some of what he’s going through (and, to be fair, he does explain some of the situation to only her which is a step above most protagonists, who likely would either a) not send letters explaining it to anyone or b) just explain it to his male boss). I think most people in his shoes probably wouldn’t want to include the trauma of what they’re going through in order to not stress out their partner, no matter the gender. It’s what a lot of humans do and whether that’s the right call or not depends on the situation.

Finally, another big reason I believe he keeps it a secret is because of the next sentence:

“Should the letters not carry, then the Count shall not yet know my secret or the extent of my knowledge....”

Here’s the thing we have to remember: Jonathan doesn’t know for sure that Dracula doesn’t know shorthand. He’s already proven himself to be smart and knowledgeable, knowing the laws (almost as much as a lawyer in his own right) for a country he’s not even from. Sure, there may have been things the Count has said to suggest that he doesn’t know shorthand (which has given Jonathan that level of security), but we also know he’s a lying liar who lies. So, who knows? Jonathan sure isn’t going to take his chances describing every single weird encounter he’s had since he arrived at this castle, because that would be playing his hand about how much he knows.

Yes, writing these letters is taking a huge chance and is showing a bit of what he knows. But if the Count is able to read the letter in its current form, Jonathan will, at worst, sound like an ungrateful and rude guest with weird ideas (presuming he didn’t say “the count’s murdering me in 32 days” which he probably didn’t). They can still come back from that. Will it be awkward? Yes, very. Dracula might even say “Jonathan, haha! You can leave at anytime, why do you say this?” (LIES).

But if Jonathan detailed every single thing that has happened to him? That would likely get him murdered on the spot. He has broken the rules of this game the Count so enjoys playing by inviting someone else into their confidence (at least to that full extent). It might even put Mina in danger as well.

“‘The Szgany has given me these, of which, though I know not whence they come, I shall, of course, take care.’”

And here we see Count Dracula trying not to lie for one second (impossible). I doubt they gave him the letter of their own free will; I’m almost sure he either used his authority as a nobleman or he used his vampire powers to make them hand over the letters. No matter what, it’s evil and I hate him for it. Of course, he’s going to put the blame on *the Szgany* to make them sound as if they just gave him the letters because there’s nothing Dracula loves more than discrediting those he deems “below him” (which, really, is anyone who ISN’T him when you think about it) and making them seem ignorant. Plus, it’s another abuser tactic to remind Jonathan that no one here is really on his side: he’s already done this with the villagers and the coachmen, so it stands to reason he would do this here. We know that’s not true (look at how the villagers protected Jonathan), but for Jonathan, it’s likely starting to feel true after almost a month of isolation.

“…here he caught sight of the strange symbols as he opened the envelope, and the dark look came into his face, and his eyes blazed wickedly—‘the other is a vile thing, an outrage upon friendship and hospitality! It is not signed. Well! so it cannot matter to us.’ And he calmly held letter and envelope in the flame of the lamp till they were consumed.”

Back to my earlier point: what if Dracula *could* read shorthand? I’m sorry if that’s a theory everyone already has and I just haven’t seen it yet, but it is something to consider. No matter if he does, he obviously knows it’s from Jonathan and it’s written in some kind of code to a loved one, so he was going to burn this no matter what. But still, the possibility of him being able to actually *read* that letter is scary…

Notice how he says “us” here, trying to rope Jonathan back into a little group with him (presumably away from the Szgany, or even, perhaps, from the outside world). It’s sickening to me that even while he’s burning Jonathan’s only hope (at this point), he’s still trying to build a sense of rapport between them. While Jonathan called him a creature — rather than a man — for the first time after the lizard fashion thing, this is where I’d call him a creature because that’s just horrible. He even has the audacity afterward to say “Your letters are sacred to me” while also admitting he broke the seal and read Mr. Hawkins’ letter as well. It’s an invasion of privacy on so many levels and, of course, there’s nothing Jonathan can do about it. If he even had the heart to complain, Dracula could just lean on the excuse of “I don’t understand English customs” (uhhhh you understand their laws to an alarming degree though???).

As a disclaimer, I don’t think it’s a thing in Transylvania to peek into other people’s mail — I’m sure it’s just as much of a taboo there as it is everywhere else — I’m just saying that’s the excuse Dracula would use to justify his evil behavior. Because he likes lying.

After he locks Jonathan in the study (which, wow!!! He’s really punishing him by just straight up locking him in the study now), what can Jonathan do but sleep? I suppose he was so numb to everything after that he just went to sleep. Or, if we really want to take it there, perhaps Dracula compelled him to sleep, as we theorized he did in the carriage ride on the way to the castle. For what purpose is unclear, but perhaps he wanted to tamper in his room and search for more secret letters or something of the kind and didn’t want Jonathan to be suspicious while he did so.

When, an hour or two after, the Count came quietly into the room, his coming awakened me, for I had gone to sleep on the sofa. He was very courteous and very cheery in his manner, and seeing that I had been sleeping, he said:— [para. break] ‘So, my friend, you are tired? Get to bed.’

I hate the way Dracula acts here. “Awwww are you sleepy 🥺 go to bed 🥺🥺🥺” like how???? You locked him in the study????? Ugh, hate him. It makes you wonder what he’s so cheery about and what he was up to while Jonathan was asleep….again, my best guess was tampering in his room.

I passed to my room and went to bed, and, strange to say, slept without dreaming. Despair has its own calms.

This is so sad. That last sentence really hammers home how much Jonathan is suffering and how *even then* he’s trying to make some positivity out of it. But for the first part, we know weird dreams usually indicate that Dracula is up to something, right? Perhaps he knows he messed with Jonathan so much that he doesn’t need to send him dreams — the mind games he played in real life are enough to satisfy him, at least for today. And that’s truly where the horror comes in.

[oraclekleo]

Hi! This is my feedback for your latest free reading.

First of all, thank you for this reading. If I could summarize into ome word what this reading made me feel, it would be this: WOW.

Yes. Wow. In capital letters. I mean, I am so flattered and grateful for how the cards perceive what I bring to the world. To be honest with you, this reasonated a lot with me. I do actually love to take care of animals. We have more than 10 cats at our home, and they're all strays. Also, you were right with me wanting to babysit. I remember back in college (pre-pandemic times), whenever I have free time, I loved visiting my cousin and my baby nephew just to babysit and play with him. I'm not sure about plants since I don't think I'm not that good at taking care of them, but I'd love to try once again in the future. You were also on point with attracting broken people and "healing" them in some way, which to a certain extent, became a weak point of mine before. I learned more of how to use and share my energy and whom to share it with now.

I've also been described by past friends as someone who likes to take care of them. I guess the card fits with some of my past friends calling me the "mom of the group".i have these experiences but I never realized I am motherly figure. I never realized a lot of abundance, empathy, and compassion stems from me probably because of lingering issues I had before.

This is so beautiful. I love it so much. This also made things in a different perspective. I've never experienced scarcity, but sometimes I fail to see that because I focus on the wrong things. This was a good reminder of how abundant I am, and how lovely it is to share it with people who do not degrade you in any way.

And I say WOW to your lovely feedback! Thank you so much for the details! 💖

And it's so lovely you adopted those cats! I can't imagine having 10 of them but I myself have two dogs rescued from dog meat farms in South Korea, adopted them from a private shelter. So yeah, adpoted pets are the best. Their love is pure and unconditional.

And you are absolutely right about people sometimes abusing the care we are willing to give them. You can only be the best care taker if you also have healthy boundaries. The better you yourself feel, the better care and help you can provide for others. Not wasting your energy on those who don't deserve it is surely something we all need to work on. I have had my share of energetic vampires in my life, too, toxic people and more. I wish you the inner strength so you can protect your life energy and lovely vibe. 🌟✨

It's a human nature to overlook all the good things in our lives and focus on the negative ones. But it's always good to sometimes take a moment and be grateful for what we have because no matter what, we are living so much better lives than anyone 100 years ago. 😊 It reminded me of a scene from British mini series about Dracula (I think it's on Netflix). Dracula is trapped in his coffin under the sea and he wakes up in 2023? 2022? Doesn't matter. Modern times. And he breaks in a house in Dover countryside and when he's talking to the woman living there, he's telling her how royal life she has because all that luxury wasn't common even for kings in his times. And she's confused because she's living in a shabby house but she has TV, fridge, dishwasher, carpets on the floor, big bed... All the things she considers to be just like basic or middle class equipment. But for Dracula she seems to be living a life of a queen. And that's why we should be grateful for the abundance we have. 😊

Anyway! Sorry for the Dracula detour. Thank you again for your feedback. It means a world to me. I wish you all the best of luck!

And hopefully see you soon for my next game!

[vickyvicarious]

So while Seward is not hearing the whoosh sound over his head and thinks that Mina's good health at Noon is Good News, and reacts to Jonathan's behavior with a descriptive fantasy of him cutting vampire head off, what do we think about Van Helsing? Does he clock that this is all worrying?

kjflsdfjsl yeah, let's leave Jack to his fantasy hour and talk business, shall we?

I just was thinking about this a moment ago for the last ask I answered. We know everyone's read at least up through around the end of September, and that Van Helsing went off to study all the documents before their big meeting on the 30th. Which makes sense, he'd been out of the country and hadn't gotten to read Jack's account at all until then. But I also think he would definitely be one to keep returning to the collected stuff, studying it over and looking for what information from his outside research is supported by other points, or possible important details he may have missed before.... I suspect the Professor's copy of Dracula Daily is full of scribbles. Ye Olde Victorian sticky notes and highlighter equivalent, lots of bookmarks, et cetera.

And while Jonathan and Mina gathered up everything until 4 October, and the meeting on the 5th was written up specifically to keep a record (as well as the 11th and Jack's latest entries), I'm not sure if they shared all of it with everyone else. Like, Jonathan's journal on 3 October has some stuff that would certainly provoke a raised eyebrow at the least. And Jack's last couple entries have private conversations between the doctors which aren't meant for other eyes. That said, I don't feel like the suitor squad (including Jack) would be seeking out/rereading the documentation anyway. They've got time to kill but they also know the basics of vampires by now and have a plan in motion, and a lot of the account is extremely emotionally devastating, so I could easily see them all avoiding it. If anyone other than the Harkers has read as much, I'd say it would be Van Helsing. This could mean that he is very aware of the possible danger from Jonathan should things with Mina not go smoothly, and isn't mentioning it because he doesn't want to sow discord/knows Jack wouldn't be able to keep calm and quiet about it if he realized.

And a similar thing could easily be going on here with Mina. I think if Van Helsing recognizes the suspicious timing, and other signs like today's fog, he may be keeping quiet about it until he can speak more confidently about what they mean. That's certainly something he has done in the past! And if he is aware that Jonathan is super tense and ready to protect Mina then holding off on saying anything to contradict Mina's current not-actively-harmful behavior (all she's done is get a bit worked up then sleep, all she's said is that the ship is still moving on the water) and suggest she is possessed or lying... well, it could make sense. He has zero proof to contradict Mina or evidence to ensure she was affected - just reason to suspect. And there isn't really anything actionable about it if he does bring it up. They could stop hypnotizing Mina, but that would just be depriving themselves of a bit more information. She's already being left out of all discussion. They can't hunt down the ship any more than they already are, and Arthur's network of informants is still there to act as confirmation wherever it may be. There's not really a benefit to mentioning any suspicions he has right now; all it would do is add stress to a situation they want to keep as calm as possible.

He's been exchanging significant looks with Jack, though. And maybe he thinks that Dr. Seward is also aware of the nuance here, and is expecting that to go into the record he wants him to keep (if so it wouldn't be the first time that he expected him to make further connections than he did). Maybe not. All we hear of him in private is that he was worried over her noon lethargy. Perhaps his agreement that the sleep was good for her was a conversation happening in front of others who he didn't want to tell everything just yet. Or even if it was private with Jack, that was still more to him keeping mum on his own suspicions for now.