#Simon in this doesn't have the best relationship with intimacy

[thegnomelord]

Random idea while I'm currently sleep deprived and don't know what to label:

The Ghost would love you like a dog.

Always at your shadow, following you, guarding you. At least he can do that right, good for something, big dumb brute that he is, baring his teeth and growling for you, tearing out throats for you just for a scrap of affection.

Ghost would love you like a dog.

Waiting by the door, by the foot of the bed, by your side, and hoping, silently, that you'll get lonely enough to invite him up. And he'll take care not to show his eagerness, not to be too exited and overplay his hand.

Simon Riley would love you like a dog.

Like his rotten canines are falling out, panting and drooling and messy, desperately to leave marks on you. Because he's a Riley. Everything he's ever loved left bite marks on him. And he'll be dammed if he let's the world take away you too.

Simon would love you like a dog.

You could stab him. Kill him.

Burry his body in the cemetery as a sacrificial lamb, so you aren't forced to linger when you pass.

And he'd forgive you.

Dogs are like that.

Loyal.

Dead dogs are just happy your hand is holding the knife.

[lilliumrorum]

What does he have that I don’t? (Part One)

<<Previous | Masterlist | Next>> Synopsis: After discovering your lover's affair with his best friend, you found yourself in emotional turmoil. Seeking comfort, you end up in your captains office for the second time that night.

WC: 2k

Content/Warnings: 18+, MDNI, Verbal abuse, Smut, Cheating, Unrequited love, Threesome is mentioned.

Notes: Sorry this took so long to post, I've been in school, at work or stoned so I didn't have the time. I do now and I'm back!

Betrayal, heartbreak, shock, and confusion are common reactions in such situations. However, this was definitely not just some situation. The head that was once thrown back in pleasure was now gawking at you, awaiting your reaction.

"[Name]..." Simon sighed.

How could he have expected you to respond? He shared intimacy with someone who understood him better than you ever did—the person he introduced you to just two weeks into your relationship. Johnny was his closest confidant, his right-hand man, the one he would willingly take a bullet for. You're not even sure he would even identify you on the battlefield.

"Sorry I barged in, I'll leave you to yourselves."

"Wait-"

Without granting him the opportunity to finish, you swiftly closed the door and slung the robust duffle bag over your shoulder.

You always had a feeling that he was attracted to Johnny, but didn't think he was aware. Simon wasn't one to express admiration openly, but he consistently praised Johnny as the best sergeant he had ever witnessed in action. You wished Simon would speak about you the way he talked about Johnny, but you never felt jealous. Now, you felt numb, the only sensation you feel is that of your knuckles turning white as you tightly grip your bag.

Wandering aimlessly, you had no idea where to go without a single friend nearby. Sure you had teammates, but you weren't close to any of them. You were genuinely alone, and it seemed even Simon didn't want you around (not that you were planning on going back tonight anyway). You couldn't comprehend how something so right could turn so wrong. Maybe it started when those morning kisses shifted to him leaving under the guise of going for a "run." The movie nights together evolved into you being isolated, reading a book in your dimly lit bedroom, with him conspicuously absent. Your bed was usually always empty, due to Simon's "workload", but there was going to be one less body tonight. It was no longer your bed.

"Really? Are you actually going to leave me when you've just come home?!"

Simon seemed unbothered by your tear soaked face.

"I don't always want to walk in and deal with your naggin'. Fuckin' Christ, I can't even go for a lap around the base with out your crazy ass losing your shit!" He lashed out.

A whimper left your lips.

"I just missed you, Si! I love you! It's not nagging if I tell you that I want to see you! Where is the man I fell for? Where did his love go? This is not you Simon! It's not fucking you!"

"I never fell. 'Si' does not exist. Simon doesn't fucking exist."

"So you never felt any of it? You've just been faking your way through this entire fucking relationship? Do you even want to try anymore? You don't even fucking care!"

He paused.

"How can I try to feel remorse for a love that was a lie? The only thing I even remotely enjoy about you is that after we fuck you leave me the hell alone and go to sleep." He spat at you coldly.

"Okay... well if Simon doesn't exist then whos been sleeping in my bed?! Who used to kiss my tears away? I want him back. All you ever do now is cause them."

"A ghost." his words dripping with malice as he slammed your door.

You were too caught up in the sadness of your relationship to realize you were crying or understand what was going on around you. The sadness caused something to decay in your heart. The thought of what you witnessed made you feel nauseous, so you tried to get your conscience off of the present matter. Your thoughts drifted to your captain, the only person you felt you could trust now. He had repeatedly mentioned his availability in his office, even beyond regular hours.

Captain Price was consistently kind. Despite the necessity of sternness in his role as a captain, his gaze was always gentle when directed towards you. As you started to notice the features of the building, a sense of lightness washed over you, as if all your problems faded away upon its sight. You observed a light flicker in response to the loud steps you took across the terrain. The door cracked open, and you saw his eyes start to crinkle when he noticed you.

"Things aren't goin' very well I reckon?" He smiled sympathetically.

"Not at all. I think things wont be going anywhere now. I have nowhere to go."

He cocked an eyebrow at your words, then turned to hold the door. John Price was a genuine gentleman, not someone pretending to be what they weren't, but the authentic, real deal. At times, you wished Simon could be more like him—kind yet firm, resembling an actual person.

"You can tell me about it once we get to my room." He shot you a soft, closed lip smile.

After reaching the stairs in the hall, both of you climbed them wearily. You could sense his gaze on you; he was studying your face. He could see that the whites of your eyes were visibly red from crying, and there was a faint trace of a tear on your cheek. He stopped examining your face as you reached his door. Once more, he held the door open for you as you entered.

"You can place your bag in the closet {name}, I know you've had a hard night."

You followed through, placing the oversized bag on his closet floor. He entered his bedroom with you, staying close in case you needed any assistance. Your face became heated for some reason as you found yourself in the bedroom with your captain. You hurriedly left his bedroom, while he followed slowly with fatigued movements. Upon reaching the living room, he sat down on the couch with a grunt, and you followed suit.

"Tell me all that happened after you left my office." He commanded.

Price was always very protective of you, intervening with Simon when he observed your distressing situation. When he witnessed Simon screaming at you for reaching for his hand, he nearly lost his mind. He couldn't bear the way his lieutenant treated you. Some part of you had always been drawn to your captain. His soft smile and sweet demeanor made you ponder what it would be like to be in a relationship with him. The only obstacle in your path was the age difference, and you were aware that if he ever found out, it would complicate things between you.

"I found him. I found him with someone..."

Your face told him it wasn't just someone.

"Do you know who?"

You nodded slowly, a tear rolling down your cheek. His eyes widened. Just as he was about to ask, you answered.

"Johnny."

His jaw dropped almost comically. He would never suspect Simon to be interested in men, and hearing that he was involved with Johnny just made the news ten times more shocking.

"How can I compare to his best friend? The one who understands him more than I ever will?" You sniffled.

"Sometimes a man does foolish things.."

You turned your gaze to John, anticipating the completion of his sentence. He looked lost in thought.

"But?"

"But nothing. What Lieutenant did was beyond foolish. I've seen the way he's treated you, dear. For the last several months, to be exact."

You stared at him with a questioning expression. If he had noticed, why hadn't he said anything?

"You have?"

A smile tugged at his lips.

"Everyone has, Sergeant. Why else would I be comfortable with you staying here?"

You huffed out a breath,

"If you knew then why didn't you tell me?"

John found himself at a loss for how to respond to your question. On one hand, his lieutenant demonstrated exceptional skills and garnered respect among comrades. On the other hand, you were hardworking, determined, and notably stealthy, often taking the lead in infiltrating enemy bases. Both of you held immense value to the 141, and he was reluctant to risk losing either of you.

"I'm caught in a position where I can't say anything, love."

Your heart fluttered at the nickname.

"Ah. I'm sorry John. I don't want to get you caught in this mess."

Another droplet fell onto your combat pants.

"You weren't the one who made it." He said as he placed his hand on your shoulder.

The pain of witnessing your partner with someone else lingered in your mind, and tears continued to stream down from your reddened eyes. Your cheeks noticeably swelled as you fought to contain your emotions. Did Simon ever truly exist?

Maybe he was right. Maybe the whole time he really did just want a reliable source of pleasure.

"Stop thinkin', love. How about you take a nice shower and change out of that uniform. There's no way in hell that that's comfortable."

With a sniffle and a nod of your head, you made your way to his front door and proceeded to undo your bulky military boots.

"John..."

"Yes Love?"

"Where is your bathroom?"

He huffed out a laugh and tilted his head, signaling for you to follow him. The sound of his laughter enveloped you in a warm, appreciated feeling. As he walked you down the hall, you found yourself imagining what it would be like to truly be loved. The thought crossed your mind that if only John were younger, maybe you could have felt that. You sighed at your thoughts, and he looked at you with a puzzled expression. He opened the door and held it for you once more.

"Make sure not to use all the hot water." He teased.

As you walked in, he left you to yourself. The room had a certain charm to it, although it was evident that a man lived there. It featured dim lighting, a burgundy rug, and a stylish shower that housed some kind of sauna tub beneath it. You couldn't help but doubt whether he had even had the chance to use it. Everything about it appeared brand new.

As you stripped yourself from your clothing, your mind began to wonder. What would've happened if you didn't leave. What would they have done? What would Simon have done?

For some reason, you found yourself fantasizing about them. You were still mad of course, but Imagining Simon feasting on your core as Soap sucked him off was so arousing. It was almost repulsive how vividly your fantasies stirred up that sensation within you. Running the tips of your fingers through Simon's messy blonde hair as his tongue conquered your cunt, looking up at you with those blown out brown eyes. God, Just the thought of it was making you clench.

You started the shower, feeling a sense of self-disgust. Here you were heart broken and now all you can think about is having a threesome.

You took a deep breath and increased the temperature, attempting to divert your attention from the unsettling thoughts in your mind.

He didn't know what to do with himself. You hadn't stomped back to the room like you usually do. You didn't have any friends nearby to stay with, and you couldn't have gone far.

He glanced at the clock in your living room. It had been almost four hours since you walked in on them.

Where the fuck could you be?

"What're yae so bloody mad about mate? It's not like it's the lass' fault." John said sarcastically.

Simon slammed his hands on the cheap coffee table in front of him as he stood.

"I fuckin' know that."

Johnny searched his eyes, attempting to discern any trace of emotion and understand what thoughts were running through his mind.

"I was kind've hopin' she would join in."

That piqued Simon's interest.

"Yae think it's a proper idea too, huh? I told yae I'm secretly a genius!" The Scot comically jumped as he spoke, adding a touch of humor to the situation.

Maybe Johnny was right. Maybe it was a good idea.

[topmalereaderblog]

Simon "Ghost" Riley // Mature ABC ⚠️

A - Aftercare (What they're like after sex):

He is very much into aftercare. I imagine he likes to be pampered and spoiled since his work revolves around taking charge; he would mostly let loose and let you take control also, meaning he would trust you enough to let you take care of him. But in the end, he's also down to just cuddling. It doesn't matter who's the big spoon or little spoon, so long as he feels you're close to him.

B - Body Part (their favorite body part of theirs and their partner's):

In general, he likes all of his body. He worked hard for it and is very proud of it, though he would get self-conscious due to the scars that litter his body here and there. With that being said, he has a body-worshiping kink, no doubt. “Fuck~ Do-Dont stop,” Simon grunts “Your hairy hole is milking my cock~ gonna cum inside you.” “Breed me~.” “Shit~ baby, you have such a beautiful body just for me,” you said as your hands started traveling his body as you thrust your cock in him. “Shit~” Simon groans as you kiss his chest and worship his body. “All mine~.”

C - Cum (Anything to do with cum):

He's into cum play. That's simple. I mean, his job revolves around getting dirty, so I feel as though he wouldn't mind having you cumming in and out of his body or giving him a good facial. But there was this one time… “Gonna cum in you you want that want my cum fuck~,” you said as you trusted harder.  “Fuck yeah- harder, be a man and get me fucking,” Simon asked when he realized what he said; he got embarrassed though you didn't show signs of stopping. “Hell yeah~ gonna bloat this belly with ma- babies,” you said, thrusting harder and faster.

D - Dirty Secrets (Something they would like to try):

His dirty secret is his kinks. He keeps some of the hidden cause he is embarrassed by them. I could see him also getting caught multiple times by you.  “If you wanted to smell me, you could just ask; I would've let you straight from the source,” you said, standing in the doorway. You caught him doing what exactly? Seeing the Simon “Ghost” Riley beating it off while smelling one of your used underwear is a sight for sore eyes. 

E - Experience (How experienced are they):

Questionable; he isn't used to being the bottom of the relationship, more specifically with a man. Still, he's learning, and with both your sex drives combined, I give it a few months until he is considered a master.

F - Favorite Position (You should know):

Mating press is undoubtedly the best way to get bred while maintaining eye contact. Though if you're having a soft session missionary and, on rare occasions fuck in the Captain's desk, he only finds out cause he walks in on both of you. But thanks to your help, he loves face sitting the most. The way you eat out his hairy hole is amazing. It ends up with cum all over your face and an overstimulated Simon on top of you. 

G - Goofy (Are they more serious or humorous):

He's a mix of both; he can be goofy to the point where both of you tried roleplaying with your uniforms on and serious to the point where it's all about taking care of one another and fulfilling each other's needs. 

H - Hair (How hairy are they):

He's gotten used to being very hairy. I would believe all the task force has; not having enough time to groom all their body hair and only groom their facial hair and just making sure to shower as much as possible. Not only that, I would think they have to get used to it, especially if it is a long mission; therefore, he's very hairy but keeps his facial hair well-groomed. 

I - Intimacy (How are they during the moment):

Short answer he's very intimate and romantic when doing the deed. But occasionally wants to get rough and kinky. 

J - Journey (Their Ideal way of leading up to sex):

Honestly depends on how much you both need to be relieved; if you are both incredibly horny, then you are at it like rabbits, but if you both aren't in a rush, then the foreplay is everything very sensual and a lot of teasing on both parts. 

K - Kinks (What are they into):

Body worshiping  Breeding kink Milking Musk kink Overstimulation  Face sitting  Foreskin play Pit worshipping  Mask kink 

L - Location (Where do they like to have sex):

Anywhere when it comes to being in private, the only exception is the Captain's office because he thinks it's funny. Still, other than that, if it has a surface, it will be a long night for both of you. Hell, once, you fucked him standing up, so no surface is needed. 

 M - Motivation (What turns them on):

The hottest thing you both can do is fuck after a good workout. He doesn't care if you are sweaty or musky; he finds it hot when you push him against a wall and fuck his brains out. Or if you are about to give him a blowjob, he finds it hot if you like his tip while his foreskin is still covering it. Or when you wear his mask while fucking him.

N - No (What turns them off):

Anything that may appear abusive to him or anything that can cause physical or mental harm to the both of you. 

O - Oral (Preferences in giving or receiving):

He's both, but he likes receiving more, especially with how skilled your mouth is. Give him a good rim job and blowjob, and holy shit, he will cum in no time, and if you overstimulate him, that's a bonus to him.  “Please~ I- I can't cum anymore,” Simon said as you kept eating him out while jerking him off. You just look up at him and view how he reacted; his dick is hard in your hand as you see his foreskin pass over his shiny angry red tip; you've been stimulating him for close to an hour, already taking 3 loads from him his balls twitching with need.  “Just one more baby~ cum for me”  “F- Fuck~~” was all that Simon said as his balls retracted and shot out his last load of cum. “Good Boy”

P - Pace (Fast and Rough or Slow and Sensual):

All of the above, as mentioned, he doesn't care so long as you both enjoy yourselves.

Q - Quickie (Their opinions on quickies):

He's fine with quickies. He understands why you guys must do them from time to time, especially with your line of work. 

R - Risk (Are they done to experiment):

He’s into risk, but only when it's in The Captain's office I mean, don't get me wrong, he still gets embarrassed, but as I mentioned, it’s a joke to both of you, so he finds it amusing. But the Captain most certainly hates it and disinfects his office very often.

S - Stamina (How many rounds can they go):

This man can go on for a while, but only when you're overstimulating, milking, or edging him; other than that, if you're both doing lovemaking, he would get exhausted, especially with how much emotions get put into it. 

T - Toys (Do they own any toys):

Yes, he has a molded dildo of your cock and uses it whenever you're not around. But that's about it other than that, he's not really interested in anything else.

U - Unfair (How much do they like to tease):

You both tease the hell out of each other one time; you left him whining cause he couldn't take it anymore, and another time he left you there with a hard-on with your hands wrapped around the bedpost while he masterbated in front of you. That little shit. “Ple-Please, Simon let me fuck you,” you begged as your hips thrust, looking for stimulation. “Fuck~ You like this, don't you like me jack off in front of you- Gosh, gonna cum all over your face,” he said as he moved his hand faster. “Please~”

V - Volume (How loud and what sounds):

Average, I wouldn't say he's loud, but he's not quite either; he is most definitely very worried about being too loud. But sometimes, he can't help it and lets out a big moan which results in him covering his mouth quickly.

W - Wild Card (what's the craziest thing they ever done):

The craziest thing they have ever done is worship your body after a workout. You were sweating, and he just pinned you against the wall with your writs above your head; you didn't know what he had in mind when alive of a sudden, he started licking your hairy chest and pits. Not something he does often; pretty rare.

X - Xray (What's going on under her clothes):

I would say he's uncut with a very long foreskin. He's also pretty tall with a lot of muscle, so because of that,  I would assume he's a grower, which would mostly consist of his dick being around 4 - 5 inches soft and 5.5 to 6.5 inches hard, but he very thick with a vein that runs down the middle. His balls are average as well, but his dick definitely is able to cover them both. As for pubic hairs down there, he's hairy but trims just a bit. His balls are off-limits mainly because he just doesn't have time, and you're not complaining, so… Also no one can convince otherwise that this man has a hairy ass. 

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive):

You both are very horny mostly all the time but are able to handle the temptation for long periods of time; once you get back, you won't leave your room till both of you are milked dry. According to the team, if men could get pregnant, you both would have enough kids to make a football team. 

Z - ZZZ (How long until they are asleep):

Takes a while, honestly; you both just like to bathe in the afterglow of having sex or lovemaking, holding each other close, and reassuring each other you are both still there for each other. It's also the one time when he doesn't have his mask and is able to actually relax.

[dilfguzzler]

john price headcanons!

back with my favourite old man! mr. sir captain john price

no pronouns, mention of lingerie as clothing so i'm going to say gn!reader

requests: open

A: Affection (How affectionate are they with a s/o?)

very affectionate behind closed doors. he's not big on pda and wouldn't be all over you in public (unless he's a bit drunk and feeling clingy)

but at home, in your own little space, he loves being close to you. he's loves to just sit on the couch, you reading or on your phone, him watching the match or doing paperwork. he loves to drag your legs over his lap, feeling your presence just knowing you're there spending quality time together

B: Breath (What can their s/o do to take their breath away)

taking care of his boys. he was hesitant to bring you anywhere near his work, but he and his lads are as close as family and he spends the majority of his time with them, so it felt wrong to not introduce you all.

he didn't expect for you all to get along so well. he loves when you invite them for dinner, or make them drinks and snacks when they come over to watch the football. you even put up with their noisy cheering and for that he's very grateful

(he's particularly taken aback with how close you and simon are. he wasn't sure he'd ever see anyone who could take him out of his shell a bit but you two have a great bond.)

C: Cuddles (Do they cuddle? If they do, how and when do they cuddle?)

YES. Mr. man is a big cuddler. Especially at night, he will literally sleep on top of you. He claims it's for safety but you think it's because he's a big, ol' koala bear who can't bare to not be snuggled up

D: Dream (What do they dream of doing with their s/o?)

I think he's quite the traditionalist and wants the whole nine yards of marriage and kids. he doesn't know so much if kids are in his future, but he definitely wants to marry you.

E: Effort (How much effort do they put into a relationship?)

a lot. he knows that it's a lot to expect someone to put up with a partner who's gone so frequently so he is always doing his best when you are together. expect lots of effort and love because he needs to show you how thankful he is for you

F: Fear (What do they do if their s/o is scared? How do they handle it?)

he does what you do for him. provide support in whatever form that looks like. time spent together doing mindless stuff, talking it out, reassuring you, cuddling you until you are overheating, taking a nap. literally anything he can do to help you, he will do.

G: Gifts (What type of gifts do they give their s/o? Do they want a gift in return?)

he doesn't ever expect anything from you. you already give him so much.

he definitely gives me practical vibes, in that most of his gifts are things you need. you want a new mixer for the kitchen? ok, no probs. you have a new hobby and need stuff for it? here you go.

some sexy as shit lingerie? well, i suppose that's more for him. but whatever

H: Hugs (Do they hug their s/o? How often?)

big hugger. and he's quiet as fuck, so when he sneaks up on you in the kitchen and wraps you up in a bear hug, he gives you an extra tight one to apologise. even though he'll do it again lol

he loves hugs

I: Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do they have problems with intimacy?)

he's a romantic old timey guy. loves a romantic dinner. loves kisses and hugs and i love you's. he just loves you and has no issues with showing you

J: Jealous (Do they get jealous? How do they act when jealous?)

i think so, but not from a place of mistrust of you, but of other people. i think he's just extra affectionate and more outwardly possessive. like he'll pull you into his side and kiss your cheek while eyeing up the other person

K: Kiss (Are they a good kisser? Do they like to kiss? How often do they try to kiss you?)

yes good kisser, his beard was a big adjustment at first though because damn can it poke you. but he loves kissing you, could spend his whole day kissing you.

big on good morning kisses, loves a bit of a make-out session before you go to sleep.

L: Love (When do they say they love you? How often do they say it? Do they prefer to say it or show it?)

i think he says it when he's like leaving the house, if he's missed you after a day at work, before going to sleep. he definitely prefers showing it though. he's always trying to find new ways to show you how much he loves you

M: Marriage (Do they want to get married? If so, what kind of ceremony?)

yes he wants to marry you. he doesn't care about what kind of ceremony, so much as he cares about who's there. he obviously needs the boys there, and his close family and anyone you want there. he doesn't want a huge wedding though, definitely only those closest to you both.

he also wants a bit of a party after, just so he can show you off

N: Night Out (What type of dates do they like to go on? How often do they like to go on them?)

he likes nights at the local pub the most. they do a banging roast and he likes to have a few drinks with you just catching up together.

O: Out of the Ordinary (What’s something they don’t normally do for/with their s/o?)

he HATES shopping. can't stand going around the shops, surrounded by people and crap on the shelves. it bothers him. so he leaves all the food shopping to you, and if he needs new clothes or anything he leaves that to you.

if you want to drag him to the shops, he expects lots of loving in return for making him suffer through that

P: Playful (Are they playful in a relationship? If so, how do they play around/mess with their s/o?)

yes i think so. he doesn't exactly seem playful on the outside, but he's a big dry-ass, dad joke maker. also, god does he like to tickle you a bit just to hear you laugh. he just can't resist it

Q: Questions (Do they ask their s/o their opinion on things? Do they share theirs?)

yes. he really values your opinion on things, especially on things you know more about than him. he loves to talk to you, ask you things and have you ask him things. it's one of his favourite things, just having chats with you

R: Random (How spontaneous is their relationship? Do they do things on the spot or plan ahead?)

i think he would like to be a planner, but with how randomly his job can take him away and how often he isn't sure when he'll be back, things end up being more spontaneous than he likes.

S: Sleep (How do they sleep with their s/o?)

as said before, he tends to sleep on top of you for "safety". however, if it's too hot, you will sleep on your own sides of the bed with something touching whether it be hands or knees or backs. always wants to be touching you

T: Trust (How much do they trust their s/o?)

he trusts you the same amount he trusts his boys. he has no doubt in your trust and knows he can trust you with anything and everything

U: Unique (What makes them unique as a s/o?)

his beard.

V: Vulnerable (How long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? What are they like in this state?)

i think it takes him awhile. it's not a lack of trust, but more so that he's a captain in the SAS, he doesn't often get the chance to be vulnerable so he doesn't really know how to let that side of him show.

he's most vulnerable after a hard mission, or a nightmare. he just wants you near, to know you're safe when he's like this. he kind of just has to work his way through it, but has to know that you're there

W: Wild Card (Random Headcanon)

he loves woodworking. like if you need a new shelf or something made, he will do it in his free time. your current kitchen table was made by him, and it's the most gorgeous kitchen table you've ever seen

X: X-Ray (What would they do if their s/o got injured?)

he'd be calm and reasonable. his job doesn't allow time for panic and that is how he functions in his personal life. he would assess the situation and what needs to be done, and do it.

Y: Yuck (Do they have any pet peeves about their s/o? Are there any habits that might bother their s/o?)

he's a neat and clean guy, it's trained into him, so if you're messy that can get to him a bit. he likes things in order

i wouldn't say it bothers you, but damn can this man eat. like if you try to make a meal to last two days, bad news, he will eat it all. it's kind of fascinating.

Z: Zeal (Are they passionate as a s/o? Do they want or like passion?)

he's crazy about you and he knows you feel the same about him

[l0velylecter]

I LOVE your ghost hc’s!!❤️, if you’re up for it can you make more angsty/toxic relationship (sorry if that sounds weird or if it makes you uncomfortable) headcannons with ghost? ❤️

imagine going through a divorce with simon ‘ghost’ riley, told through the five stages of grief 

— going through a divorce with simon ‘ghost’ riley, told through the five stages of grief rating : m for mature and suggestive themes pairing : f!reader / simon ‘ghost’ riley tags : angst, a lot of angst, minor mentions of violence, he won’t be a good partner no matter how much you want him to be, i wouldn’t say toxic because i’m can’t really stomach writing that, but more or so unhealthy relationship, he has anger issues and this might induce anxiety, he is self destructive and afraid of intimacy,  mentions of sex/smut fandom : cod mwii warnings : cursing, suggestive themes, mdni (minors don’t interact)

01 | You've lost count of the times you've denied that something is wrong between you and Simon. Once, you made the mistake of waiting on him for dinner, and he had entered the house with his mask pulled up to his nose — carrying a busted lip and several scars down his arms, his boots tracking blood and grime along the floor. Almost immediately: your concern was dismissed with anger — " Fucking hell, this is precisely why I didn't want you to wait. Cause you'd start running your mouth and asking all these bloody fucking questions."

With that, he stormed off into your room, leaving you to eat your home-cooked dinner alone: chewing on the cold meat so you won't cry. Ever since then, you keep telling yourself that he was just having a bad day, that he was just tired, that he was just trying his best. You never complained, even when his deployment grew longer, nor when he doesn't sleep in your bed anymore: always opting for the couch. Even when you barely talk and check up on one another. And even when he leaves almost immediately after you fuck without a kiss or a goodbye, you still convince yourself that Simon wasn't hurting you. That instead: he was just so full of hurt that it was overflowing out of him, and sometimes you can't help but be there when he spills.

02 | But Simon lives and breathes on anger, and it has become him. You were afraid of how much closer to a weapon he was than a man; how could he not hurt you when his jaw would clench at every minor inconvenience? Whether it was because you passed him the wrong tool when fixing his motorcycle or because you had locked yourself out of the house: Simon was always finding reasons to snap, and the worst part is that Simon doesn't realize it. Passive aggressive comments would turn into full-blown arguments, and worse, he would start throwing things. While your husband was not aiming at you, the cup had smashed into pieces — one of the strays flying to scratch you on the cheek. Immediately he fell on his knees in front of you, arms reaching out as if to touch. Yet when you flinched, he immediately slinked back. You couldn't take it anymore: breaking down into a sob, and as always, Simon only watched. That night, when he had left for his mission: you finally found the strength to sweep through the house. Somewhere into the argument, he had knocked over your picture together — your marriage had been a private ceremony between Simon and you. You couldn't stop the tears when you noticed for the first time in years that even at his wedding, his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. 

03 | Not wanting to give up just yet, you tried to bargain. You suggested that speaking with a professional might help — even going as far as booking appointments without Simon knowing. While he wasn't happy, your husband went nonetheless, proving that there is still hope. And slowly, you were starting to see him smile again. Oh, how you've missed it, missed him: you miss teaching him how to make paper cranes with the napkins as you wait for takeout. You miss his army humor over dinner and how he wiped the corner of your mouth with his thumb when you had sauce stuck there. You miss being able to kiss him goodnight and have him kiss you goodbye. It's just a shame that the good times are not enough to cover the bad. What's the point of all that hard work if he's just going to throw himself into battle again? It was like taking one step forwards and three steps back, and in the end, it doesn't matter how much you try, you were in love with a ghost; a shadow of a husband who used to exist in the past and now only lives in your head.  04 | To see the house so empty was more than depressing; without any furniture or tables, it was hard to believe that you once used to share a meal with Simon here almost every night. It was hard to believe you were ever married at all. You knelt to pick up the last box, nearly dropping it when Simon appeared by the doorway. Immediately you denied having gone through his things, and for a second, his eyes withered at the sight of you panicking — eyelids puffy and nose red. You both worked in silence, and while Simon kept his belongings to a minimum, it didn't stop him from staying to help you. It makes you feel worse knowing that within an hour, you felt more loved by him than in the years you were together, and it was on the day you both signed your divorce. For the sake of his identity, your marriage wasn't even on official records, so it was just an informal signing of the little paper you had kept for yourself. When he loaded the last box into your car, you couldn't help but burst into tears when you saw a miniature paper crane peeking out of his motorcycle bag. 

" Quit crying now," Simon murmured, pulling you into a hug for the first time in ages. He had a hand behind your head, stroking your hair, " It wasn't your fault. You made the right choice. Don't make this any harder for the both of us."

It all happened so fast: he lifted his bacalava to his nose to give you one last kiss on your lips, your scar, and your forehead. He even kneeled to tie your shoelaces when not even you realized they were loose. And when your ex-husband drove off, you didn't start the car until an hour later. 05 | Soap knew it was better not to poke around other people’s business, but he wasn’t the only one who found it strange that Ghost didn't carry any dog tags — and it was even stranger to see that he had two rings on his neck instead: the smaller band slotted perfectly inside the other. He asked Gaz about it, who asked Laswell about it, who asked Price about it, who eventually shut the ‘gossip’ down. Until Ghost got shot in the fucking chest, and a paper crane fell out of his pocket. 

“ Hey, Lt.” Soap asked through the comm, “ Why cranes ?”

There was a pause where Soap thought that this would be the part where he gets ignored for the third time that night.

“ They’re easy to make.”

“ So are planes. And frogs.”

He’s heard the man frustrated and angry, but Soap never heard him sad. Until the lieutenant finished recoiling his gun to curtly reply, “Because she said they mate for life.” 

His tone had been stern and final as if that was his way of accepting the past: Ghost never brought it up again.

a/n : first of all anon i’m sorry i suck at making head canons, i have to literally turn it into a story so the hcs have to be read in between the lines 😔 and i can’t make it purely toxic cause i can’t really stomach it so i have to make it more on the sad side, but i hope you enjoy this nonetheless ! Thanks for requesting <3

imagine the ‘exes who still love each other but know that being together is too painful’ trope + simon ‘ghost’ riley

headcanons of simon ‘ghost’ riley in a relationship with you ( and eventually, out of it )

[wxnheart]

Poly Palooza, Ghoapbusters - Ghost x Reader x Soap

Can we have some nsfw or maybe more sfw hc please?

𝐏𝐨𝐥𝐲 𝐏𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐳𝐚, 𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐚𝐩𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 - 𝐒𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞 (𝐒𝐅𝐖) 𝐄𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

note: an aside, but I stand ten toes down that regardless of his relationship status, Simon is very much a Material Gurl/Pillow Princess Extraordinaire™. He isn't one to normally splurge on himself but best believe that mattress, those pillows, and that comforter set will be top-notch. Even if he doesn't get a full night's sleep sometimes, at least he'll be comfortably pissed off doing it.

In the early days of your relationship, Ghost didn't realize he was touched-starved until... Soap touched him.

It wasn't even an intimate gesture, merely a clasp of his shoulder, but it was enough to have Simon reeling and probably (read: really) internally panicking the rest of the day. He... kept his distance in order to process what happened. Soap is savvy enough to recognize what's taking place and you two have a pretty lengthy conversation about it. And of course, you being you, you take it upon yourself to test the waters with this... newfound discovery?

You once made up an excuse to touch his face; you ran your thumb over his cheek and could never forget the twitch you felt and the way he stared at you. Oh...

Another time you had the bright idea to lightly scratch his scalp with your fingernails (because you do it with Soap all the time and his inner golden retriever emerges) but all you managed to get from Simon was a grunt. At least he didn't stiffen up or... something? PROGRESS!

Over time, Simon becomes comfortable enough with your attempts to... do whatever the fuck you're doing. He's comfortable enough that it may or may not fuck his daily routine up if he doesn't get some physical affection in.

Still, it's endearing to watch Ghost's somewhat awkward attempts at showing how much he cares, and truth be told, he felt more at ease showing it to Soap than he did you in the beginning. Camaraderie on the battlefield and all that shit...

He was practically internally screaming (more like going fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck) the first time he wrapped an arm around your waist and you leaned into him. Oh. You like that?

And Johnny gives no fucks about using this to his advantage either because it was JOHNNY who first turned Simon into a human bed. And into Simon in the Middle.

And it wasn't like Simon was protesting. Well, he was because Johnny is heavier than he looks, he sploots like nobody's goddamn business, and Ghost would really like to shift positions a bit but fucking hell Johnny's real fucking cute when he's asleep and he doesn't want to disturb him. You both know Simon's really just complaining just to complain because he could've been moved Johnny if he wanted to but with the way his arms are around him it's not happening anytime soon.

And yes, Johnny will even sploot on Simon in the bed sometimes. Hell, you BOTH sploot on him. And yes Simon will complain. With his arms around you both.

Then there was the one time you two cuddled against a very naked Simon right after he got out of the shower. Oh, your body still tingles every time you remember his intake of breath and—

...Let me not even get started on the intimacy that occurs during sexy times... 👀

[granddaughterogg]

What is ur interpretation on Simon’s character? like personality wise and what he would be like if he was dating someone. would he push away his feelings? would he fall first? etc

Hi Anon!

I see Simon "Ghost" Riley as first and foremost an introvert. He's not shy by any means, it's just that people (the emotional demands they make on him and his time, the noise they create) often drain him. He doesn't have many friends and it takes someone as relentlessly open and sociable as Soap to actually befriend him, because Ghost sure as hell won't initiate anything.

Then there's the question of endured trauma. SImon Riley have lost all his kin to a gruesome murder. It's been committed by his former brothers in arms, too - men who he might've trusted at some point, but they've been brainwashed by his enemy. (Look for the "Ghost" comic books online, I'm not pulling this out of my arse.) Naturally after such a tragedy Simon fell into this kind of fatalistic thinking that is well known to trauma survivors: Namely he believes that he's not allowed to care for anyone *or they will die*.

(I mean, Activision did this very thing to him. But MW III ending shall not be named as canon within my premises.)

And there's also the ever-present mask, a memento of another traumatic experience (he had been buried alive with a corpse of his former commanding officer and had to dig himself out of the grave, Beatrix Kiddo style.) Not many women enjoy company of a man whose face they've never seen. On the other side, there are many who would be down *exactly* for the thrill of it, and this is why Simon has an account on fetlife.

So - how does all this influence his attachment style and dating?

Lemme tell you...Simon Riley does not date. At least not if he can help it. What he does is blow off steam by the way of one night stands or no-strings-attached relationships which span for a few weeks between his deployments. He enjoys all the sex and intimacy he can get - and give, because this lad is actually surprisingly giving. And then he just dissapears. It's never about the woman; it's him.

He doesn't allow himself the luxury of emotional attachment and he doesn't want anyone to get attached to him. He strongly feels that they deserve better.

Until feelings catch him like a bag of bricks. And he'll still fight them every step of the way.

I've been working on a story about SImon Riley slowly, reluctantly, begrudgingly falling in love. It's just two chapters deep, so he's still in his Fuckboy Era but I will do my best to update it next week. Have a peek: You Let Me Complicate You - Chapter 1 - Granddaughter_Ogg - Call of Duty (Video Games) [Archive of Our Own]

[atdawnweryd]

So what the hell was Marcus actually trying to say?

Let's talk about everyone's favorite scene! :D

Yes, that scene, the scene where Simon goes to break it off with Marcus. This scene is - I think I can speak for us all here - the moment where the whole fandom collectively started hating Marcus. Before that, we didn't like him, obviously, because Wilmon, but he seemed like an alright sort of guy.

But then he turned so WEIRD in this scene. He acted pushy, made assumptions about Simon's feelings, framed himself as a "nice guy", overstated their relationship, and emotionally manipulated Simon by bringing up his family trauma. OUT OF NOWHERE. Causing everyone to reinterpret his character, including all his past actions, into a more sinister light.

But, for he sake of analysis, let's give him and the writers the benefit of the doubt that he was actually trying to make a point here. What was he trying to say, what did he mean?

Let's take a look, picking up after Simon denies that he ever thought that Marcus would hurt him, that that was not the point (up til now Marcus is being kind of icky, but so far at least making sense):

[Simon] I just can't right now

[Marcus] Okay. No offense, but I just want to be honest with you. Maybe you don't have the best role models for healthy relationships, after your dad. Mom told me about how Linda was feeling after that thing with Micke, and I get that it must have been hard for you and Sara, but you are not like your dad.

Come here *hug*.

I know you don't want to destroy something this beautiful [A/N: BARF].

Ok so Simon has just told him he's not ready for anything serious, and then admitted that it's related to drama with Wilhelm. Marcus then says he knows that Wilhelm "fucked him over". So, when Marcus says that thing about role models and his dad, is it a comment on Simon and Wille's relationship? Implying that Simon is possibly attracted to turbulent/toxic relationships or flaky men, because he thinks that's how relationships are, and that is preventing him from seeing the good thing he and Marcus have going? But, he says "you are not like your dad" implying that Simon is worried that he is the toxic one here.

So then, is Marcus talking about his and Simon's relationship? Does he think Simon is pulling away because he's afraid of commitment, or afraid of treating Marcus poorly if he stays?

Genuinely curious to hear all of your opinions on what Marcus means by this statement! Please drop a comment or reblog or message me! Maybe I'm just dumb and it's obvious but I was actually so confused during this scene!! And no matter how I look at it there are wild assumptions being made by Marcus.

What I find really interesting is that no one involved in the production has been willing to discuss this scene, or call out Marcus for his behavior. The closest we got was Omar going "you think so?...hmm" in response to Tommy's characterization of Marcus as having "the best heart" in that one interview. But otherwise I have only heard Omar criticizing his own character's behavior in S2, and of course Tommy enthusiastically endorsing Marcus every chance he gets.

In Sara Arrhusius' Permanent Rain Press interview, they say that Rojda described him to her as way nicer than she thought she would describe him. They say that Lisa described him as someone who would be a real challenge to Wilhem - completely different and "just good". And then goes on to describe him thrmself as someone who doesn't push, is respectful and kind. To be fair they are talking from an intimacy perspective here, but it's funny how there is no mention of his complete disregard for boundaries outside of that context.

It makes me curious if the character of Marcus came across to the audience differently than the creators intended, that actually the only takeaway we are supposed to get from his character was that of nice guy foil to Wilhelm, and not that he is a pushy, oblivious and manipulative?

Let me know your thoughts!

[triviareads]

Hiiiii! This is a bit specific but do you know any romance novels (Modern or historical) with Brown leads that aren't about cultural trauma? 💀 I feel a bit tired everytime I pick up a book with a Brown (SWANA or South Asian) lead bc it's always about arranged marriage drama, generational clashes between disappointed old fashioned uber strict immigrant parents who wanted their kid to be doctor and their child, terrible aunties and racism and/or islamophobia related drama. I kind of feel bad for thinking like this bc all the romance books with SWANA or South Asian leads are always written by women who belong to the cultures in the books and I wanna support them whenever I can, but I'm also tired of getting slapped by trauma I personally know when all I want is fun, drama,good chemistry,cute tropes and good spice without pin straight honey blonde locks, ocean blue orbs and milky white skin,you know? 😥

I have literally dedicated my life to finding such books (I joke with a friend that every time she picks up a book with an Asian lead, there's inevitably generational trauma), and it's hard! I feel like only recently have I started to see South Asian authors write in a way that doesn't make me think they hate their own culture or are embarrassed by it. Unfortunately, I can't think of a historical romance that doesn't have some form of racial trauma (I wish more romances set in South Asia existed/were published abroad). But here are some contemporary recs:

Tastes like Shakkar by Nisha Sharma (out on 8/1): My full review isn't out yet, but I loved Bobbi and Benjamin's (dw despite the names, they're both Punjabi) relationship progression (it's sold as enemies to lovers but the enemies portion doesn't last super long tbh). It has solid sex scenes and Nisha even ventures into kink (a rarity for non-white characters). Plus, both Bobbi and Benjamin embrace their culture and you get the sense that they truly love it, and funnily enough, the aunty squad in this book is actually a force for good lol.

The Roommate Risk (previously Wanna Bet?) by Talia Hibbert: Friends-to-lovers but done RIGHT. Rahul Khan has been in love with Jasmine Allan since he gave his virginity to her (the flashback scenes in this one are great). Now, 7 years later, she's living with him because her apartment flooded, and cue all the angst and confused feelings!! Talia writes her sex scenes really well, this amazing combination of emotional intimacy and realness (and a little humor), not to mention they're uniformly hot.

Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert: So in hindsight, Talia Hibbert tends to make her South Asian heroes daddy types (stern brunch daddy types.... if you will) and Zafir Ansari fits within this pattern. Him and Dani decide to fake-date to help get publicity for his charity. The funny thing here is that Rahul is the romantic (he reads Harlequin romances!!!!!! And having sex without feelings is a STRUGGLE for this man) and Dani is relationship-avoidant, so that's fun for them. Also, Zafir is dealing with grief from losing his father and brother, but it's less "South Asian Family Trauma" and moreso just a genuine exploration of grief and coping with the help of his family.

Claiming His Bollywood Cinderella by Tara Pammi: I think Harlequins might be your best bet if you want to read about Indians in India (fun fact, Tara inspired me to try writing a Harlequin-style romance). This has kind of a Cinderella vibe; The hero Vikram is a Bollywood actor, and the heroine Naina is his grandma's assistant and they hook up at a masquerade party (which was.... very hot even if Vikram is prone to speeches while he's inside her lol), and it goes from there. It's a solid (technically slow-burn I think) romance.

The Secret She Kept in Bollywood by Tara Pammi: This is about Vikram's sister Anya and the adopted father of the child Anya gave away several years ago, Simon (he's brown too), who might also be the DILFiest DILF to ever DILF. Tell me what other man can help you through a panic attack without even knowing who you are, and then immediately proceed to give you the best sex of your life? I'll wait. No but real talk, this one hits a lot of really great emotional notes about family (not to mention a great romance) without being about, like, South Asian trauma.

Sink or Swim by Tessa Bailey: Ft. a Gujarati heroine, Jiya, and Andrew, her friend who's been in love with her since forever. What I love about this book is that the friends-to-lovers aspect isn't too cutesy; it's a bit angsty and the sexual obsession aspect is what really sold me (not to mention the fact that Andrew's a service top and that's shown in the BEST scene, therefore also subverting the "submissive Asian woman" stereotype). I also think I think the book has very reasonable portrayal of Desi parents; they want what they think is best for Jiya, and Jiya actually agrees to meet a guy in an an arranged-marriage set up, but ultimately they come around to Andrew once they understand that he loves her and will take care of her.

Serving Pleasure by Alisha Rai: Okay so maybe this has some intergenerational South Asian family drama (namely how Rana's mother views her sex life) but it's too good not to recommend! Like, sometimes you really want a crazy heroine who lowkey stalks the hero (but it's okay, Micah here gets off on it... literally), and Rana ends up being his muse (he's an artist) as they start an affair with a definite end date but obviously, Feelings get in the way.

[palimpsessed]

I just finished AWTWB and I loved it. So much. it gave me the communication and love I so wanted these characters to have.

but I have a question and think you’re the best person to ask.

in Wayward Son it felt like Simon had a touch aversion—as a result of a lot of things (self esteem issues, autonomy issues, PTSD, depression)—and very much could only handle being touched in very rare situations, if at all. It had to be initiated by him primarily.

do you think his touch aversion resolved the way it did in AWTWB because they finally were able to break through their communication block? Is it because he now feels he can be touched on his terms, because he’s told Baz what he can tolerate? That he’s allowed to want Baz’s touch because Baz truly does want him? I’m curious what you think.

Thank you for sending me this ask! And welcome to the post-AWTWB world! I'm so happy to hear that you loved the book and that it gave you the communication and love you wanted for these characters. ❤️

This is a very interesting question and I will attempt to do it justice. I'm going to preface my response by saying that I do not have authority to speak on touch aversion. If those of you out there who know more than I do have something to add, please do!

That said, I'm going to stick with my usual approach of focusing strictly on what we get in text, or from Rainbow directly, rather than look at things external to canon, like an exploration of touch aversion and its possible causes/treatments, etc. And I'm going to talk specifically about Simon's relationship to touch with Baz, which I think is the main thrust of your question.

The short answer to your ask is: Yes. I do think the change in Simon's relationship to touch is due to improved communication between Simon and Baz, and how they both allow themselves to want the other.

We do see Simon shy away from Baz in WS, and I would agree that it seemed like Simon could only tolerate touch from Baz when it was something he had initiated—snogging Baz against the boot of the Mustang after the Ren Faire, digging the keys out of Baz's jeans pocket at the petrol station, turning away from Baz's kiss in the field of fireflies, climbing into Baz's lap as they flee Jeff Arnold's posse, touching Baz's chest when he realizes Baz has been shot, looking uncertainly at Baz's hand on his arm at the Hoover Dam, crushing Baz into the bed of Shepard's pickup truck. These all point to Simon having to be the one to make the first move. Also, most of them involve hefty doses of danger, another key.

I think there are two reasons we don't get additional information about Simon’s relationship to touch in WS: 1. Simon doesn't know how to verbalize his feelings and needs; 2. Simon himself doesn't really know what his feelings and needs are. Neither he nor Baz know how to ask for what they need, and neither one of them seems to believe they have the right to ask. Given Simon's flashback in Chapter 17, presumably about the last time he and Baz attempted physical intimacy, we know that communication has broken down, and neither one of them has made the effort to cross that divide since. "That's the last time I tried to explain how I felt, and the last time he asked me to. I still don't have answers. What do I want?"

AWTWB is Simon trying to answer that question: "What do I want?"

He starts off believing the answer is to cut all ties with magic and magicians. That doesn't work.

Because the answer isn't freedom or a fresh start. The answer is Baz. Simon knew that all along, but he wouldn't let himself have Baz. He wouldn't let himself examine his relationship, or work at it. He wouldn't let himself try, because Baz felt too good for him to be able to hold onto.

Allowing himself the space to think about staying with Baz puts Simon in the frame of mind of figuring out how he can stay with Baz. How does he stay when his instincts tell him to run? This is where touch comes in!

As luck would have it, I started listen number four of AWTWB yesterday. I got to the scene in Dr. Wellbelove's surgery where Niamh is trying to disinfect Simon's wings. We see Simon's discomfort so plainly. He's so determined to see through his decision to have his wings removed that he's forcing himself to endure extreme stress, fighting against the constant triggering of his fight or flight instincts. ("He may not be in pain, but he is suffering." "Just ignore my jumping around, I can't help it.") What's triggering those instincts? Niamh's touch on Simon's wings—"It's more like someone is sticking their finger down my throat…Or shoving something wet into my ear. Every instinct I have is screaming, No!"

What struck me about this scene on this particular read through is Niamh asking Simon: "Is it better if I'm gentle or firm?" I wonder if this is the first time any one has asked Simon this question. I wonder if this is the first time he's ever had to consider the difference.

This scene is the catalyst that sends Simon back to Baz, to reconcile. Perhaps it's also the catalyst for Simon to reframe how he thinks about touch, and a way for him to be able to categorize the kinds of touch that feel good and bad to him. Knowing how little accustomed Simon is to thinking about difficult things, I'm sure he's never really taken a step back to analyze or qualify good and bad feeling touches. I don't think it's something Baz has thought to do, either. Baz is far too focused on not rocking the boat, and swallowing everything down and never pushing back or asking questions. I think he’s aware to some extent that Simon struggles with gentle touches (“He’d actually shudder if I touched him too softly—and not a good shudder”) but he would never have felt comfortable enough with Simon the way their relationship stood pre-breakup to work with him on figuring things out like this.

Simon is able to be close to Baz in the reconciliation scene for the same reason that he's able to do so after the action scenes in WS: he's high on adrenaline. "It's like when you think you're going to die—like, you're sure you're about to lose your head—and then, at the last minute, you don't…but you're still alive, and everything feels so amazing and, like, urgent…This is 'I nearly lost my head and then I didn't' euphoria."

They try to be intimate not long after, but it doesn't go well because they haven't communicated their needs to each other.

The turning point comes in Chapter 32, the first time Simon expresses his feelings around touch to Baz. "I just don't like that feeling. That, like, feathery feeling. Like, touch me or don't—but don't, like, whisper on me." "It's like being touched too lightly. Makes me feel like I'm being turned inside out. Like I need to get away." There are two things at play in this scene: Simon wanting Baz to touch him with less hesitancy, and Simon wanting Baz to touch him less gently. While the distinction may be subtle, and ultimately negligible, considering that both things lead to the same result—Simon shying away—I’ll touch on both.

We see hints of the hesitancy aspect in WS: "I touch Simon Snow like he's made of glass. Like he'll explode if I cross the wrong wires…I touch him like he's made of butterfly wings." If Baz touches Simon this way every time, then knowing what we do in AWTWB, that Simon doesn't like gentle or tentative touches, then it's no wonder he's been struggling all this time when it comes to being intimate. Behind this quote is the implication that Baz doesn't think Simon can handle more from him. He's second guessing Simon, which is something else that comes back up in AWTWB. "For fuck's sake…You've got to stop questioning me. I'm holding on by a thread." When Baz is hesitant with Simon, Simon is sensitive enough to pick up on it, and internalize it. If Simon is already struggling with self-confidence and doubt, sensing Baz's doubt in this way would be more than enough to shake him. Of course, confidence is also something Baz is struggling with ("I wish I were more confident. I'm not really built for this."), and recognizing that in each other is important and reassuring. All the more reason why having these new lines of communication between them are so critical to finally bridging that gap to intimacy.

The other component that I believe informs Simon's need to be touched "less gently" comes from comments Rainbow made on Twitter in Aug 2020: "AWTWB is a book about intimacy, and how trauma affects our ability to let people be close to us. How we can develop emotional autoimmune disorders—where our brains attack everything that gets close to us, even the good stuff…And how trauma really only trains us for more trauma." (Since her Twitter account has since been deleted, I’m including a screenshot of this post in lieu of a link.)

Simon has only been trained for trauma by this point in his life. He isn't used to kindness or gentleness, and that's a big part of why he's not comfortable with it. His brain can't process good feelings as good, because good is foreign and, therefore, untrustworthy. That doesn't mean that he wants Baz to make him feel bad, but it does mean that bad feels safer for him. This takes us to the heart of why Simon shies from touch, most notably with Baz, because Baz wants to be kind and gentle with Simon, not just because that's what he wants for himself, but also because that is how Simon deserves to be treated. That's just not what Simon can handle right now.

AWTWB shows Simon and Baz taking the time and putting in the work to build a sturdy foundation for their relationship, and one of the pillars of that foundation is their open and honest communication. That makes me very confident about their future, and how their continued efforts with communication will help them to support one another and grow stronger together.

Anon, I hope you got something from this. If anyone has more to add, a different take to offer, or questions of your own, send them along! ❤️

[ao3feed-gav900]

We Look So Good

https://ift.tt/8VKxi95 by HamartiaGrander Two years after the android revolution, Markus and the Jericho crew finally get android marriages legalised in America, holding them at equal legitimacy to human marriages. Deviants celebrate as they all watch Markus and Simon marry on the news, and have the freedom to make such a commitment with their lovers, human or android alike. 6 months later, Gavin and Nines - work partners for two years, friends for one - are assigned a case where they have to go undercover as a married couple for a month in order to gain the attention of - and eventually infiltrate - a thirium-trafficking operation that preys on androids who dare associate themselves with humans, especially romantically. While Gavin isn’t fond of using Nines as bait, he basically gets a paid month-long vacation to goof off with his friend, and Nines volunteered, so he’s not complaining. As things are going well; really, really well, Gavin starts to realise... They look so good together. And ignoring Connor's increasing taunts becomes impossible; the longer they live together, presenting to neighbours as a married couple hopelessly in love, the harder it becomes for Gavin to think of anything or anyone but Nines. Words: 1165, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Gavin Reed, Upgraded Connor | RK900, Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Hank Anderson, Tina Chen (Detroit: Become Human), Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Simon (Detroit: Become Human), Jeffrey Fowler, Original Characters Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed, Markus/Simon (Detroit: Become Human) Additional Tags: Simarkus is mostly background but I mention them enough to warrant a tag lmao, Also they're my favourites and the only reason the plot of this fic is possible so, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fake Marriage, Case Fic, obligatory 'they pretend to be married for a fic and end up falling in love' Reed900 fic lmao, I'm so basic and predictable, we are all the same, Severe Pining, Mutual Pining, like so bad, angst in the 'heavy longing and deep yearning' kinda way, my favourite, Nines gets injured but Gavin DOESN'T have to take him to Kamski for once, Nines as bait, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Half-Siblings, Connor calls it before anyone else, Dad Hank, Because Connor and Nines are brothers and Hank is their dad I'm right no debate, Sharing a Bed, Because they HAVE TO THEY SWEAR IT'S REQUIRED, gay longing, Connor voice 'sorry in advance for the long-ass summary', I'm treating this like a fucking novel huh, POV Multiple, rating is for later chapters bc I will do my best to write deeply emotional seggs, bc that's the most I can handle writing, Emotional Sex, like fuck writing sexual terminology I am forcing you to read emotional intimacy, they decide to stay together and get married in the future when Gavin is ready, I may write the proposal in the epilogue idk yet tho

[wings-of-a-storm]

Alrighty lovely peeps, here is the final part of my thoughts on Victor’s infamous ‘love-triangle’ journey in episodes 9-10 (and why the undercurrent is full of Benji).

MOURNING A LIFE WITH A LOVER ALMOST LOST: HURT AND ANGER

Our first understanding of how Victor is holding up in episode ten is through the visual of the wedding invitation he is holding. It’s a very strong visual with so many connotations -- weddings are romantic, full of love and celebration, and most importantly a lifelong commitment to a loved one. That is Victor’s dream too and one he was working hard on (not necessarily a marriage but certainly a life-long commitment). But the person he wants to work on that commitment with isn’t talking to him and quite likely easing them into a separation.

What is even more of a mockery is the envelope -- Victor and Benji’s names are printed together in gorgeous cursive, like they are a team, a unit, a done deal. It’s almost like how their own wedding invitation might look, if they ever wanted to have one. But it is a dream that only exists on a piece of paper right now.

It is clear in this scene that Victor is feeling a mix of three things: sad, hurt, and anger. The anger is quite clear when he puts the invitation aside with the shake of his head. He’s angry that Benji ditched the wedding commitment last minute, yes, but no doubt a lot of that anger is born from how hurt he is that Benji is seemingly giving up on them. A glance at his unanswered message to Simon where he says something similar confirms it.

This anger is channeled into a practical matter -- the etiquette faux pas of being a last-minute wedding guest now messing up catering. Victor needs to find a substitute plus one (which to be honest feels like a plot device but shh). Enter Rahim, sans Pilal. Once again, Rahim is a welcome friend that Victor knows he will have fun with, be comfortable around, and more importantly experience a nice distraction with again.

Fast-forward to the next key scene, for me: Victor’s fascinating response to hearing Harold’s and Veronica’s wedding vows. Which brings me to:

VICTOR’S DESPERATION FOR SOMEONE TO LOVE HIM ENOUGH TO FIGHT / BUILDING A SAFETY NET P2

Guess what themes happen to be in the wedding vows Victor hears? A) Fighting for a relationship you love. B) Not giving up on someone in the tough moments.

“I know there will be tough days but it's on those days that I vow to love you the hardest” / “I vow to always remember that we are worth fighting for. Forever. No matter what.”

Gee, what an extraordinary coincidence!

And what does Victor do in response to hearing a loving couple voice his own feelings and goals? He looks at Rahim. Or rather, to Rahim. He knows Rahim is a romantic (like himself and Benji are), so he knows Rahim would share those goals too. And Rahim certainly is transfixed by the vows, very much feeling their sentiments too.

Rahim just ticked a box Victor is currently desperate for: someone who looks like they value fighting to beat the odds for the person they love, unlike what Benji is seemingly doing. Victor can project that onto Rahim. In reality, there is no way of knowing what Rahim would actually do in a relationship, but he feels safe right now.

It rather feels like VIctor was trying to distance himself from Benji in that moment and find a sanctuary with someone else who would give him the love and commitment he really needs right now. Like a protective, defense mechanism. He is so terrified that Benji has reached his limit of fight; that this time their argument and Victor’s breach of trust pushed Benji too far and Victor will end up severed from him and alone. With each hour Victor is closer to processing the end of that relationship and is now trying to put up a shield to block the impending tsunami of pain that he really doesn’t want to be hit by.

BENJI MAKES HIS OWN VOW

Victor doesn’t know it yet but we, the audience, get a hint of good news: the romantic vow exchange cuts to Benji staring at a picture of Victor on instagram, clearly missing him. From that piece of storytelling timing, we know what that probably means… (Flashback please to Benji’s declaration of “I don’t think I could give up on you. Even if I wanted to.”)

Benji is fighting. Or trying to.

What seals the deal is the beautiful conversation Isabel has with him -- her promise that Victor adores him and that Victor did actually stand up for Benji to the point of impressing her with his moxy. For a lot of the season, that is so much of what Benji needed -- to know he was worth standing up for, fighting for. Gee, what a familiar theme…

The next time we see Benji, he has come to the wedding reception, after his shift, as Victor’s belated plus one. His appearance symbolizes a promise, a vow of his own that is yet to be said out loud: that he is committed to fighting for their relationship to work.

I found that a really nice piece of storytelling -- that Benji is linked to the wedding vows at Brasstown and then fulfils them (or at least will try to make the sentiment a reality as best he can).

VICTOR’S CROSSROAD

Unfortunately for Benji, Victor does feel a connection with Rahim. New friendship is exciting and thrilling on its own let alone having the opportunity to suddenly slow dance with that person. Lines can get blurred. Plus the atmosphere is completely romantic and Victor has never had the opportunity to experience this particular romantic act before.

Victor and Rahim spend quite some time staring deep into each other’s eyes without even saying a word to interrupt the Moment. Because it is a legitimate moment of intimacy between the two. Which is exactly why Victor doesn’t stop immediately and run straight to Benji as soon as he notices Benji has come to see him. His head is still half in the Moment and it is tricky to extricate himself from Rahim.

That Moment is also why Victor doesn’t keep chasing Benji through the yard after Benji sasses him with his ‘Sure, Jan’ energy after Victor insists Rahim is just a friend.

Consciously Victor thinks he is telling the truth, but his “That was crazy, I’m not allowed to have a friend?” defense had the same energy as S1 Benji’s “I know I didn’t do anything wrong when you kissed me!” before scuttling his ass out of Brasstown with all of his belongings. Hello guilt.

The question is how much is Rahim a friend-cum-something-more. Which is the crossroad Victor finds himself at when Rahim confesses his feelings and kisses him.

We have Rahim who confessed so sweetly and endearingly, who at this moment is comfort and warmth and safety because Rahim isn't going to break up with Victor any time soon. And whom Victor does feel a connection with.

And we have Victor’s relationship with Benji which feels like a dying ember, especially now that Benji is even more furious at Victor and it will be a very hard battle to win him back around again. It won't be a romantic running into each other's arms moment if they were to reunite…

So Victor has a dilemma to figure out now in Mia’s room: does he fight a very hard uphill battle with Benji to win him over (a fight filled with inevitable painful emotions being unleashed), or does he just let it go since that appears to be the trajectory for them... Or does he try exploring things with Rahim where there is a 100% success rate guaranteed in the short-term if he accepts Rahim’s declaration…

If the big theme of this episode is vowing to love someone on their tough days and committing yourself to a relationship worth fighting for (something Victor had been obsessing over even before he heard the wedding vows), it would feel like a strange conclusion for Victor to choose Rahim over the partner who proved he was mutually willing to fight for their relationship against the odds, especially when they have already been tested through tough times and found their way through. (And of course Felix’s visualisation exercise would have reminded Victor of all the qualities he loves about Benji...)

THE WINK OF VICTOR’S PARENTS’ PARALLEL

And finally we have the culmination of an underlying parallel: Victor's parents’ relationship, which also slips into the theme of those wedding vows.

Isabel and Armando, the high school sweethearts who were stuck in a cycle of fighting, fore-sake choosing a new partner with less baggage and instead make the choice to get back together. This doesn’t influence Victor’s decision because he doesn't know about his parents’ progress yet but we, the audience, do know. We can see the underlying parallel there. They are making it work, so so too can Victor and Benji if they keep putting the work in to understand each other better and learn how to communicate.

But that’s just my take on ep 10.

[normal-thoughts-official]

damn you and your polycule feels 🥺 i don't even ship them 😩 rapha has that kind of old fashioned courtship thing going on <- do elaborate if u want to (you want to, don't you? 🥺)

stormy i am so sorry to break these news to you but

[image ID: a screenshot of the "biggest fans" section of the @shadowhunterspolycule blog. the biggest fan, other than myself, is none other than the sender of this ask. end ID]

i think u kinda do ship the polycule

anyway! about your ask. i mean it's just true? first of all because it's a generational thing - he was born in the 30s roughly, chivalry and whatnot was still kind of a big thing. he was raised to be a gentleman and he probably learnt to express affection in the old fashioned courtship way, and besides, being autistic, he probably launched into those very easy, very set in stone rules of expressing affection to make it easier for him. and THEN he was raised by magnus, so. yeah it's a thing

so like rapha is the guy who brings chocolate and flowers, takes ppl to fancy restaurants and whatnot. granted his actual love language is also one of like, familiarity and taking ppl to small family owned restaurants, cooking for them, etc., but he also can put on a suit and take his partners somewhere fancy. besides, as someone who doesn't like kissing in the lips, he is a fan of hand kissing to express affection because it's like the least sexualized kiss ever, and it's just nice. and to him that's all it is but damn if his partners aren't swooning. especially simon. simon is Swooning. maia is all soft smiles and a cheek kiss in return, which makes him smile too, and meliorn treats it as somewhat natural because they don't have time to keep up with mundane customs and if it was a thing in the 18th century it probably still is now, one less thing to worry about. but they like it

so he just comes across as old fashioned and in a way he is and he doesn't really mind. chocolate tastes good, his partners deserve something fancy, hand kisses are the best kind, and flowers can brighten up anyone's day. his favorite is and will always be the casual intimacy of home dates, cooking together, cuddling under the blankets and talking and enjoying each other's company, bit some courting is fun and helps him feel like he's Doing The Relationship Thing Right but LOOK it's also fun and he enjoys it okay and suits him, so

[itunesbooks]

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