Bellefast has been coming to me in my dreams recently, in a similar way to how Monteith and Jibblie do
I find myself at The Circus, but in a sleeping quarter of some kind. And I can hear the festivities going on outside, in the big top. I'm apparently just passing through, but know everyone well enough that they let me stay on the property.
The only person I don't know is Bellefast, which is strange since he's the Ringleader, you tihnk I'd know him quite well, if I know all the clowns and performers and stagehands.
And he doesn't know me. So when he stumbles into the sleeping quarters, whiskey and candy floss on his breath, and falls into the bed, he's caught by surprise. As am I.
It feels like maybe a creative exercise? Maybe my brain wants to flesh this character out more, so it's putting him into my almost asleep brain so that I have to learn more about him.
So far I've learned he has a drinking problem.
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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Had a silly dream where JD and Floyd came back to the troll tree before the last trollstice but after singing killed their grandma and decided to doodle and expand upon it a bit
Clay never left the tree but was too scared to return to the families pod since he didn’t want things to go back to how they were before, he did try to find his brothers during the escape but got separated by the cave in.
John Dory was the one to find Clay and see him get caught by the cave in, when he came out of the tunnel without Clay and holding his wristband they all just assumed he was dead. Even so JD still searches for Clay with the hope that he might’ve escaped and is alive out there.
They know Bruce is alive but after JD got the post card he assumed Bruce didn’t want to be found
Some more doodles that kind of show their dynamic
Also-
JD always brings home souvenirs for the brothers both as an apology for being gone for so long and also because of this:
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Ohhh, I'm rereading Mystra's entry in the Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide... and this detail:
This means Gale was punished for trying to restore and preserve what he thought was a lost piece of Mystra's magic. Gale being Mystra's ex-lover put aside. He as her follower, she his goddess, was punished for attempting to do the one foundational rule of her faith.
I'm seething and so sad at the same time.
Edit: I used the word punish loosely, as in, toxic/abusive people will take any small mistake or action and twist it into something they can take advantage of. This post was also largely from the stand point of a toxic deity rather than a toxic partner, but both takes are valid here. Especially with the, “you didn’t stay compliant so now I’m giving you the silent treatment” part of it—from a god and a partner perspective.
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the party visits Hawkins for the holidays, circa December 1991.
i was lucky enough to get to participate in a secret santa gift exchange along with my friends, some of the most talented people in the stranger things fandom! my recipient was @halosketches, one of the coolest people i know. it was a pleasure to be able to work on this and i'm happy to able to share it now! happy holidays, boys 🫶
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You know how “the moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?” is used as an expression for love confessions? It’s said that Natsume Soseki came up with it after overhearing a student translate “I love you” to Japanese in a very literal sense. While there is no source confirming that this exchange actually happened, I still think a scene referencing the expression with Natsume randomly appearing would be hilarious
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