#THE BRAIN MOTIF WITH THE QUESTION MARKS

[stellavesperis]

Through the Smoke

This is my original work and I do not give permission for this to be reposted outside of tumblr, or used in any other sort of way without my expressed permission. Please be respectful of it.

Oki doki! Now that I'm actually getting around to posting this, I'm a little bit nervous about it lol, but here is my short orchestral piece "Through the Smoke" based on the aftermath of Dagor Bragollach. This isn't exactly part of the Noldolantë project that I'm working on, but this is a taste of my style and contains the main musical themes I do intend to work into it. It was ultimately inspired by a fanfic I read by @sweetteaanddragons called "Through the Smoke I See You" about Maglor's defense of the Gap, which proceeded to stew in my brain until another scene developed from it (see below cut for more). Be forewarned, this is an MP3 sound file derived from a notation software, so expect the instrument quality to match that. Additionally, that initial theme/meter transition is a bit rough because I can't get the playback to do what I want it to do :(. This wouldn't happen ideally in an actual performance with intuitive players. (I want to say feedback is appreciated because I want to improve, but I also don't know if I can take super harsh critiques right now, so keep it gentle if you must). A lengthy discussion of the music and the scene below.

The Scene in Question:

In the original fic, Maglor is trying to prove some things by defending the Gap at all costs, resulting in him having to be dragged away from the battle unconscious to Himring (I won't say much more about the fic because you should go read it. It's short and worth your time). It's narrated from Maglor's perspective. The scene which then presented itself to me was from Maedhros' perspective. After successfully defending Himring, he was waiting on the battlements and staring off into the smoky, glowing haze that blanketed all of Beleriand as far as the eye could see. For all he knew, his was the only stronghold that had fended off Morgoth's attacks. There was the faintest of rains that allowed a brief respite from the burning ash-laden air. Off in the distance, the sentinels spot several horses running from the direction of Maglor's lands- it's unclear at first who their riders are, but once they recognize them, Maedhros lifts his heart that someone else is still alive and rushes to the gates to meet his brother, who he then realizes is wounded.

More on the Music itself:

I deliberated for a while which of my WIPs to post because all of them have interconnected musical motifs, which you have to have heard in the previous piece to understand its meaning, but I settled for this one because I was the happiest with where it was. It also contains several different character themes/ leitmotifs that I get to talk about.

The first theme to make an appearance is the B section of Maedhros' theme, pitched higher on the violin. This is his secondary theme, which was originally played on the horn (White Fire is the next piece I'd like to post, so you can understand this more fully). I definitely intend to use this going forward. I begin to overlap this with what I've decided to call the Main Theme/Overture of the Noldolantë, which creates a lot of dissonance before opening up more fully around the one minute mark (the meter transition really is rough to capture on the notation software I was using, neither the ritardando nor the breath I scripted show up in the recording) Around 1:23, it opens up into a theme that vaults up before coming back down that I've used for Maglor basically ever since I first read the Silmarillion. I've played it so many times I’ve lost the capacity to determine if it is actually a good fit for him- it just is his theme and my music would be vacant without it. This leitmotif is adjoined to the main theme for the Noldolantë. Underneath Maglor's theme is the harp line I used for Maedhros' return from his capture (i.e. a subtle reminder that he couldn't save his brother from Thangorodrim, his guilt being the driving force of his actions in the fic, as well as the pulse of his theme here).

At this point in time, I kinda just started having fun with the music to see what else could be fit together, so be less concerned with what the themes mean narratively. The first four notes (me re me do) that begin after the caesura at 1:40ish have also been associated with the Sons of Fëanor ever since I read the Silmarillion, and I haven't been able to resist using them in my cadences whenever possible. The harp line at this part actually belongs to the viola line from "Finwë and Indis". Finally, the violin (te le sol sol) is the abbreviated leitmotif for the Silmarils. This is a super short motif on purpose because I can work it into a variety of settings and disguise it underneath a lot of other lines without detracting too much from anything else that's going on, just enough to be a subtle reminder of their presence (or lack thereof).

Whew! That was a lot. Thank you again to anyone who took the time to read/listen. I really appreciate the support I've received from you all in the past few weeks- it's given me the courage to be a bit more bold about my music. I hope that it lives up to your expectations :)

(And thanks again to @sweetteaanddragons for letting me post this!)

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

I see you very much as an expert on all things Rohirrim, so I bring to you this question, hoping I can pick your brain for info to use in my own fics (full disclosure). 😅

It seems to be a popular fanon that the Rohirrim/Riders of Rohan have tattoos, and that body art is a part of their culture. Do you have any thoughts or personal HCs about this that you're willing to share?

Thank you in advance! I appreciate you and your blog so much (if you didn't already know that).

Oh my goodness!!! I am so very honored to be thought of as a person who is knowledgeable about my beloved Rohirrim, and I hope very much that I can live up to that reputation. Thank you!!!

I’m not aware of any real textual evidence for body art among the Rohirrim, and the historical record in the medieval Anglo Saxon and Norse societies that Tolkien used as a reference for them seems to be disputed. But I absolutely understand and agree with the conventional wisdom that tattoos are a thing in Rohan. It just fits well with a warrior culture that has a wilder, dare-I-say more pagan aesthetic as compared to the smooth solemnity of Gondor or the formal elegance of the elves. And since they’re a culture that doesn’t document things in written words, pictorial representations such as tattoos and body art would be one way to fill that gap (along with their songs and oral traditions).

In my mind, tattoos in Rohan are common but basic—they’ve really only got the technology for the “stick and poke” method so the designs are kept simple because anything too elaborate is difficult to pull off well. They’re mostly in black line (using soot) but some have color using powder made from grinding up certain dried roots and plants.

Each village/community has its own distinctive tattoo motif that is worn by all of that community’s members. So you can tell just by looking at someone whether they’re from Upbourn (a fish because it’s a river town) or Dunharrow (mountain peaks since they’re in the White Mountains) or Everholt (a boar in honor of the wild boar that live in this part of the Firien Wood), etc. And soldiers also tend to share tattoo designs specific to their éored—getting your éored’s mark is a formal rite of passage for the younger members when they first get assigned to their company. These shared tattoo designs are important both for group cohesion and as a means of identifying fallen Rohirrim even if the deceased isn’t known to whoever finds the body.

Beyond these ritualized and practical functions, I do also like to think that there are some purely decorative tattoos among them as a means of personal expression and/or to help cover small scars that so many Rohirrim have from battle, riding accidents or other mishaps. Obviously horse-based designs would be very popular, as well as other flora and fauna of Rohan. But they’re a very sentimental people and so I think little emotional signifiers would also be very common (again, especially because they generally don’t have a means to pay tribute to beloved people/things in written form, this sort of symbol would serve the purpose of making some kind of record of those tributes).

In terms of specific people in my head canon: Éomer has a little simbelmynë blossom for each of the major figures in his life that he’s lost (forearm). Háma had a sun to remind him of his wife, who brought warmth and light to his life (shoulder). Théodred had stars in the shape of a particular constellation that is visible every year on his mother’s birthday (chest). Éowyn has a representation of her father’s sword (left wrist) and gets a quill (right wrist) to represent Faramir after they get married. (Faramir got a little running horse in her honor on his first trip to Rohan. He was glad he did it, but he never wants to sit through that again.)

Merry brought tattooing back to the Shire when he showed up with a tobacco pipe on his bicep (both for its association with Buckland and in tribute to Théoden, whose last words to Merry were about smoking together someday when peace was restored). Unsurprisingly, tattoos did not catch on with the other hobbits, but Merry remains very proud of it.

Anywayyyy…I hope that was in any way helpful! Thanks so much for asking!! I remain a huge fan and am so grateful to you for helping convince me to put some of my thoughts and stories out there vs keeping them all in the confines of my own Google drive!

[jacksgreysays]

Untitled bleak!primadonna AU related struggling (2024-03-23)

I continue to have bleak!primadonna AU brainrot and so I am thinking about it even while at work, BUT I think my brain is snagging on something in particular that I have to type out in order to figure out how I feel about it. A sort of, if I can articulate it, it will make sense. Or, rather, in the process of articulating it, it will adapt until it makes sense.

Because I still do not understand Naruto, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like him. It is unfair of me as an “objective party” to think poorly of him in this AU just because Shikako makes more sense to me, so let’s get into Naruto’s behavior/opinion regarding revenge:

The fact that the “most emotional” member of Team Seven is also the most against revenge seems to be a contradiction on the surface: revenge is a very emotionally charged motivation. A more logical person (ie, the Aburame clan’s opinion on The Incident as gone over in this post) would consider revenge to be a waste of potential resources or, at the very least, a sunken cost fallacy. (Revenge being different from ensuring the threat is neutralized, of course. Preemptive pruning of future threats is logical, and while it may look similar to revenge, it is different)

But, from what I’ve prescribed to him in the bleak!primadonna AU as an extrapolation of the Land of Birds conversation, Naruto’s rejection of revenge isn’t motivated by logic but by philosophy. He simply doesn’t believe in killing… outside the heat of battle.

I mean, he also doesn’t believe killing in the heat of battle (never mind that some of the techniques he uses would definitely be considered mortal blows, but we have to assume that’s a shounen protagonist sort of hand waving. Sort of like how Spiderman Is (Definitely Not) Murdering People) but outside of battles, he’s definitely anti-killing. So the premeditated, deliberately planned revenge that Shikako (and Sasuke in canon, theoretically, even though his plan is less a plan and more a vague list of questions marks leading to Step 3: Profit) is extremely against his philosophy.

I want to backtrack a bit, actually, and get into Naruto killing in the heat of battle. Or, more specifically, Naruto wanting/getting revenge in the heat of battle. We don’t see it much, but we DO see it sort of—especially in canon—specifically, when Naruto thought Haku had killed Sasuke. Even if he didn’t land the killing blow himself (what up, Kakashi, how’s that Rin-related trauma treating you?) we do see a switch flipped in Naruto in regards to his aggression/goals for that fight. Of course, it could be argued that a good chunk of that is malevolent Kyuubi chakra leaking out and, hmm, tainting things, but it’s not as if he went full berserk, feral rage. He was still capable of speech, even while he was attacking.

But that’s canon! What about DoS? It is a minor point in the list of things within the unreliable narrative that Shikako as the first person POV doesn’t catch onto, but for all that the series is called Dreaming of Sunshine — and which I, with my love of celestial motifs, interpret sun to be Naruto— Shikako ALSO doesn’t understand Naruto. Like. She understands Sasuke so thoroughly that she can manipulate him (for his own benefit) into majorly deviating from his canon fate. And, sure, Shikako’s presence has also changed some of Naruto’s life (making chuunin first, for example) but not to such a drastic agree. And a lot of that has to do with the fact that Shikako can only nudge Naruto into things. She can improve his skills, can advise him strategically, can make suggestions, but she seems to (also) not have a complete understanding of Naruto.

Anyway, all of that to say, Shikako doesn’t really get to witness Naruto going apeshit in battle because usually that happens after SHE’S been taken out of the fight (either knocked out or temporarily killed.) We don’t really know what Naruto did after Haido killed Shikako during the Gelel mission. Naruto wasn’t at the Grass Chuunin Exams to react live to the attempted abduction. Shikako is dealing with the aftermath of Tsukuyomi and related Uchiha massacre trauma to pay attention to Naruto after he brings Tsunade back.

So I think, in the heat of battle, Naruto WOULD get revenge for his precious people, but it HAS to be in that window of time. Because consider, also, that Naruto was so fond of the Sandaime, but he never swore vengeance against Orochimaru or anything like that. To be fair, it’s a bit of a weak comparison considering I don’t think Naruto’s fondness of Sandaime measures up to his love for his teammates by any stretch, and the waters do get muddy considering a lot of Naruto’s beef against Orochimaru (in canon, at least) is that he “took” Sasuke.

I am circling around, I think… sorry for the mess…

Here’s a hypothetical: someone kills Shikako — if Naruto kills that person within that same battle, would he regret it later? (This is presuming Shikako doesn’t come back or, at least, doesn’t come back for a long while to the point where they assume she isn’t coming back)

… I honestly don’t know. Or, well, I know he would to some extent, but I don’t know why — I can picture him saying “I shouldn’t have killed [that person]” but I don’t know if the emphasis is in the “I” (as in Naruto specifically shouldn’t have been the one to kill [that person] as opposed to someone else, ie Sasuke who is more comfortable with revenge and presumably would have also been in that battle, or Kakashi who Naruto knows has killed people and would have done so with a level of authority that Naruto could have looked away) or if the emphasis is in the “killed” (but, again, for someone who is so against killing, Naruto is the only one Team Seven that doesn’t really have non-lethal methods. Theoretically he could just dogpile the enemy with an endless amount of shadow clones, but Naruto’s specialty isn’t even taijutsu, it’s ninjutsu. Of the ludicrously powerful variety. Naruto, unfortunately, is a weapon of mass destruction.)

Is this just a variation of the why doesn’t Batman kill the Joker problem? Hm… but I do partially give Batman a pass on his no killing policy in part because his whole trauma is from the fact that his parents were shockingly, needlessly killed and also because there is a difference between Batman, the vigilante symbol of justice, killing and the person Bruce Wayne killing. (I can’t locate the series that I am thinking of in particular right now, but it basically has Batman and Bruce Wayne as distinct personalities and the vibe of: “Batman’s greatest enemy is Bruce Wayne” because Bruce Wayne will kill people who threaten his children outside of the mask and Batman can’t put Bruce Wayne in jail because then Batman wouldn’t be able to complete The Mission)

Naruto doesn’t have the innate societal/cultural pushback against violence or killing—in fact, considering the world he lives in, he should have the opposite. He should have been inured to violence starting in the Academy—and for all that he becomes the peacemaker messiah Hokage in the future, that’s not now, it doesn’t ruin his reputation/symbolic status because he doesn’t have one yet.

And this does make me bounce, briefly, to the idea of Tsunade whose international reputation is as much about her healing as her super strength. But not even her super strength is deadly, per se. Destructive, yes, and obviously could be turned so easily into death dealing blows, but it’s almost… the difference between a bulldozer and a bomb, if that makes sense? Like, obviously both are capable of killing and the same level of destruction, but there’s a level of… controlled application?… of the bulldozer where the bomb just seems more easily lethal?

Which does get back to the Land of Birds debate: Naruto, basically, admonishing Shikako for using lethal force even though her enemy was also using lethal force. Like. What if Shikako had lost that fight? Naruto only has the luxury to scold a still living Shikako BECAUSE she won that fight. Could she have used non-lethal tactics? Maybe. She, at least, has more non-lethal techniques available to her than Naruto does. But she also doesn’t have the regenerative abilities to shrug off incoming lethal damage the same way Naruto does (at this point in the timeline, at least, I think? Or she's not as practiced with her shadow form to be able to use it reliably?). From Shikako’s POV (which means, from DoS readers’ POV) Naruto does seem more than a little bit hypocritical and, possibly, ungrateful in that conversation. And Shikako does get to the heart of the problem—if Naruto has another way, then he has to come up with it, because Shikako can’t. She doesn’t have the same abilities, nor does she have the same philosophy. In that particular battle, she had to prioritize efficiency more than uncertain, lofty morals.

To be fair to Naruto, from his POV, Shikako was the first one to show mercy in situations where even he, arguably in canon, would not have or “lucked” into doing so because he passed out before it got to that point. Ie, with the DoS version of Haku and Zabuza and the Sand Siblings. The fact that Shikako was the one that physically took down Haku and stalled Zabuza and Kakashi’s fight long enough for Gatou to show up and betray them, thus allowing them to live in this universe is mercy. In canon, both of them die because Naruto goes berserk and Kakashi with the chidori is unstoppable (HOW’S THAT RIN-RELATED CHIDORI TRAUMA, KAKASHI?) And then, with the Sand Siblings, Shikako strategizes her hodgepodge of genin teammates to the point that she practically has all three Sand Siblings in front her on their knees, literally pleading, their lives in her hands, and then she DELIBERATELY LETS THEM GO. Whereas, I think in canon, Naruto does defeat Gaara but he passes out from the fight, which gives them the opportunity to retreat.

So, like, yeah. From his POV, he’s modeling Shikako’s behavior, not knowing (and how would he?) that she’s only being “merciful” because these are strategic, near certain decisions she’s making based on knowledge of an alternate universe future.

… I’m not sure if I’ve solved my confusion about Naruto so much as I just talked in circles and made very little progress… can someone with more insight into Naruto’s character lay this out for me? I am clearly STRUGGLING

[hopetorun]

13, 19, 29

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

i find self-loathing really hard to compellingly evoke! there's a whole category of emotions where my brain just like ... doesn't do them, including self-loathing (and some others that i've never even tried to write and probably never will) and as a result i just get like whole brain is series of question marks about it. i feel like i can do it in chatfic but only when i have someone else to help steer me in the right direction because otherwise i just veer right away from it

i had to think really hard about what subject matter is hard for me so now i've obviously forgotten everything that's easy. i guess there's a lot of stuff that i feel comes pretty naturally but i'm struggling to find one that really stands out. families, maybe? even ones that bear very little resemblance to mine.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

i was a bit of a late bloomer on the writing front! i didn't start writing for pleasure until i was 12 or so, though i spent plenty of my childhood making up self-insert stories about myself being friends with various fictional characters and/or in fictional worlds. it never really occurred to me to write those down and i wasn't making up really original stories. also i had a bit of a block about writing for fun because whenever people found out both my parents were writers (journalism not fiction but still) they'd always ask me if i was also going to be a writer and it ignited all my contrary instincts

but i discovered fanfiction and was like, well this seems fun! i can try that! and i did and it was fun! i don't think there were any major bumps on the journey from there, aside from the standard challenges of learning and improving and having your skill level and your taste be misaligned. i've obviously learned a lot about what i like writing and how i like writing and how to improve my writing, and while there were times where i was worried i'd never write anymore or never be able to write [some kind of thing], i've mostly gotten to where i'm comfortable with stopping and starting and the ebbs and flows of it!

that said, i don't think you can ever escape the taste and skill misalignment, and there's definitely stuff i want to keep working on. i want to get better at intentionally incorporating motifs to support my themes and i want to do a better job making sure that my non-pov main characters are crisply drawn with clear motivation and i want to be more intentional about my research and probably other things!

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

oooh well the second part of this relates a lot to the writing journey, which is that i've worked a lot at being more comfortable and certain that the inspiration will come back eventually! sometimes the muscles just need a rest. and i've also gotten better about like ... not quite forcing it, because i will say the stories from this almost never go anywhere, but i find that telling myself i'm going to write a little (a very little, think 15 minutes a week) can be really helpful for making my brain work at identifying stories and ideas.

in terms of where i get my inspiration, a lot of it comes from tossing ideas around with friends and seeing things on the internet, and also from reading other stories and seeing bits and pieces that compel me and wanting to rework them with my own takes

[phantomram-b00]

(Last post for today) I don’t know if it because I’ve rewatch the show so many time, watch clips so many times or just my brainrot is making my brain become tomato soup.

But I just realize that the demons mostly have animal motifs in some way, like Crowley= snakes. Beelzebub= flys. Hastur= toads. And Furfur= cat(?) (question mark as in I don’t think it it necessary a cat, but furfur kinda sound cat like-). What is in that sulfur??

Idk. Don’t mind me y’all, Phantom’s brain just work different like that one post about Lin Manuel Miranda this is where brainrot does to me

[markwood678]

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[beebfreeb]

NEW COMPUTER JUST DROPPED!

[yeetlegay]

there's been so much emphasis on kinn saying "you're mine" repeatedly to porsche & him rebuking this with "I am my own"... do u reckon there will be a scene of kinn being all "I am yours. as you are mine" in the future?

Ooooooh anon. I LOVE this question and it provoked some major brain waves so I wanted to wait until I had some proper time to sit down and respond. I’m really gonna go crazy with this lol—this ask literally just spawned a meta analysis I did NOT have lined up for this week. Anon u are powerful af.

Possession has definitely been an ongoing motif, and there’s a ton to unpack in how it’s shifted over the course of just the 4 episodes we have. So here we go:

Ownership and possession in Kinnporsche: a basic breakdown

So let’s just run through the highlights of this development. I’m gonna try to limit myself as much as I can for the sake of time and length, but there’s just SO much more happening than I could ever capture in one post, so hopefully this can work as sort of a base for people to work from if they want to go back and dig through the episodes for more of the details.

Kinn and Porsche’s relationship starts off as purely transactional. In the bar fight in episode 1, Kinn is buying Porsche’s skills, albeit temporarily. His goal for the remainder of that episode is to acquire Porsche, at his father’s instruction. He sees Porsche as an object, another tool in his belt, another bullet in his gun—nothing more.

When Kinn finally does get Porsche in his circle, he immediately tries to “claim” him, to put him in his place as a pawn in a much larger game. And Porsche basically says, “Fuck that.”

But that last scene in episode 1 really cinches the motif and establishes the trajectory of their relationship. I’ve seen some amazing meta written about the chess metaphor (I can’t find any that I’ve reblogged, but feel free to link them and I’ll add them in here!), but to sum up: Kinn’s father views Porsche as an object too, only a much more strategically important one. Porsche isn’t just one of many tools in Kinn’s arsenal. Porsche is the lynchpin for Kinn’s reign as the imminent leader of the Theerapanyakul family. Why does he see him this way? We don’t really know. But Porsche’s recruitment is certainly part of a much bigger design, even if they haven’t fully taken into account that possessing him doesn’t necessarily mean possessing his loyalty.

(I’ll talk a little more about chess at the end of this post.)

Kinn continues to see Porsche as an object, one that needs a little extra work to fit in place, but an object nevertheless. He literally uses Porsche as a prop in target practice, purely to prove the point that he owns him, that he can command him as he likes, that Porsche is powerless. Even Tankhun plays into this; he dresses Porsche up like a mermaid, makes him a plaything, and then Kinn swoops in for a few taunts to drive home the point that Porsche really is just an accessory, only important insofar as he’s useful.

Kinn does blur the lines a little bit later that same day when he brings Porsche to the tailor to get dressed for the event that evening. At first it feels more like he’s dressing up a doll or other object again, but then their eyes meet. It’s a small moment that marks a bigger shift as Kinn registers his own attraction to Porsche, his growing fascination with this person who continues to rebel against the constraints of his position. It’s one of the earliest moments that he really considers Porsche, reckons with him on an equal level, even if Porsche himself isn’t aware that’s what’s happening.

And then we hit the choking scene, which is where the whole concept of ownership goes a little sideways. Kinn’s statement (“It’s my fault I can’t handle my people”) is a clear signal to the Second Family that Porsche is unimportant, an object to be controlled. But thanks to Pete, we understand what Kinn’s intentions really were, and we see that Kinn’s outward ownership of Porsche (“controlling his people”) was a cover for saving Porsche’s life. And that by extension means Kinn is starting to think of Porsche in a more complicated way.

I wish I had time to get more into it, but the ending of episode 2 also has massive implications for Kinn's sense of ownership over Porsche. Porsche approaches Kinn, armed with the reasoning behind his earlier actions, and steps into the role assigned to him. He makes him shitty coffee, acts a little more like the bodyguard he's supposed to be, even down to his body language when Tankhun arrives (legs slightly apart, straight posture, hands clasped in front of him). He's not great at it, but he tries. Kinn has earned a small bit of his respect, his trust, and he rewards him with a bit of buy-in on the idea that he is, on some level, owned by Kinn.

Only for Kinn to immediately trade him away to his brother like a baseball card. Oof.

Porsche's reaction to Kinn giving up ownership of him, giving up his claim, is just bonkers. He doesn't show any apparent attraction to or feelings for Kinn at this point, and yet something in him instinctively fixates on Kinn's "rejection" of him. Especially after being with Tankhun, bored out of his mind, no challenges in sight, he goes full petty bitch when he sees Kinn again. "Who says I'm free?" he asks Kinn. Left unsaid is the implicit "I'm not yours to order around anymore." (Granted, Kinn is still ultimately higher ranking than Tankhun and technically is still his boss, but this is semantics to Porsche. Kinn still gave him away.) It's almost like he's trying to make Kinn jealous. And he's got no idea that's what he's doing.

The wound tending scene. THE WOUND TENDING SCENE.

Once again we see Porsche in petty bitch mode. I'm still convinced he had a whole Fuck All Men playlist blaring in his ears during that training sequence (ft. Bust Your Windows and Before He Cheats). He's just so pissy about Kinn trading him away on Tankhun's whim.

BUT THEN!!! We have Kinn making one of his comments. "This place belongs to me. So everything in it belongs to me." (Including Porsche.) In the first episode, Porsche rejects Kinn's ownership. ("My life is mine.") But here? He gives a little, playful shrug and doesn't answer. And what's really interesting is the expression on his face. He's pleased. He likes what Kinn said, the way he reasserted ownership over Porsche, even if only to make a point. And immediately afterward, he actually takes the initiative to bring up the mole, showing concern for Kinn's safety. It's an expression of genuine interest and investment in his role that Porsche hasn't made before. And it's a reciprocation of the interest Kinn has shown him, first by trying to pull him from the line of fire and then by turning up to help him clean his wound.

Again, trying to keep this post as short as possible, but it's no coincidence that the next time they're alone together, it ends in a kiss.

GAH okay well the scene by the pool is pretty straightforward. Kinn doesn't like Vegas playing with his things. Porsche doesn't register this as possessiveness, he just thinks Kinn is being weird. It's interesting to imagine how his behavior would differ if he remembered the kiss; maybe if he did, he'd see Kinn's jealousy a little more clearly. But oh well.

Now I don't even have room to talk about the scene after the sauna where Kinn and Vegas basically have a dick-measuring/pissing contest right in front of Porsche's salad, but that's a whole thing in and of itself.

I am nowhere NEAR done talking about this scene. I feel absolutely FERAL every time I think about it.

First things first, Kinn walks in and tells Porsche to stand up, which he does with some confusion. He asks Porsche to take his shirt off, and Porsche offers up a very lackluster resistance that Kinn easily overrides. The way Porsche just...gives into him now, lets him grab his arm, touch him, as though Porsche is his to touch, is astounding. Remember that this is their first interaction since Porsche realized Kinn was the person he kissed on the pier. Even with his confusion over that kiss, he still doesn't withdraw from Kinn physically. He lets himself be ordered around by Kinn, touched by Kinn. He accepts Kinn leaning into his personal space without question.

And I think it's telling that what he most wants to ask Kinn isn't "Why did you kiss me?" or "Do you like me?" No, what he chooses to ask in that moment, what he wants to know most, is "Do you want me to be yours?"

Kinn's response to that question, masked as it is, hurts Porsche. Kinn dismisses him, says he's just like everyone else, just another employee, and not even his employee. Porsche all but asks for Kinn to take him back, and Kinn says no.

Okay, okay, this post is SO LONG, I'm trying to wrap it up, so let's skip ahead to the sex scene. (No time to talk about Porsche asking permission to drink at the bar, but know that I am Thinking About It.)

Firstly, yes, this is undoubtedly dubcon. As I've said before, dubcon and even noncon don't bother me; if they make sense for the story and are handled well, fine by me. It's fiction, the scene is serving a narrative purpose and has compelling implications for both characters' arcs, and at the end of the day a well-told story is what I'm after. So when I talk about Porsche's feelings in this scene, please note I'm not saying any of it makes the encounter fully consensual.

But wow, did this scene crack Porsche's character open. Yes, he's still high and lacking impulse control (though crucially, he's a lot more lucid than he was earlier with Vegas). But he sort of lets loose on Kinn, teases him, provokes him, gropes him, even taunts him with that kiss on the pier, daring Kinn to admit he likes him.

I have to wonder if this is partly a reaction to the trauma earlier, an effort to seek safety in Kinn after he felt so alone and terrified with Vegas. He might be seeking physical contact, affection, protection, a kind of reclaiming if you will. And his altered mental state means he's uninhibited enough to ask for it openly.

What's most fascinating about this scene to me is how happy Porsche looks when Kinn finally gives in, when he's touching him, surrounding him, focused completely on him. Porsche has been craving this connection for longer than even he realizes, and now that he has it, he's relieved, euphoric. He finally feels like he belongs to Kinn, not just in a technical sense but in a physical/emotional sense.

Will he feel this way when he wakes up the next morning? I'm gonna guess probably not, and for good reason. But it still tells us something, that in his most vulnerable moment, he wants this from Kinn, seeks it out from him. He wants to belong to him, in every way he can. I'm sure this has a lot to do with his family, background, etc. but I don't want to speculate too much until we know more.

So to FINALLY answer your question, anon:

I think you really might have a spot-on prediction about where this motif might go. Porsche will be Kinn’s at the end of the day, no question. Not just because he’s in love with Kinn or because Kinn has “claimed” him in some way, but also because this is the whole reason Porsche is there to begin with. Korn chose Porsche as Kinn’s queen from the jump, orchestrated his removal from his old life and brought him to Kinn’s side. He didn’t intend for them to fall in love by any means, but in the end I think he’ll view that element in their relationship as an asset because it ties Porsche to him even more securely, more permanently. Porsche is Kinn’s man, his protector, his advisor, his confidant, and that’s exactly what Korn designed him to be.

So Porsche becoming Kinn’s is inevitable, practically fated, but Kinn becoming Porsche’s in return? Is not part of the design. Kinn saying “You are mine” will come a lot easier than him saying “I am yours” because the second comes with a surrender of power, an acknowledgment that Porsche is his equal. It’ll be a long road for him to get to an emotional place where he’s ready to trust Porsche enough to belong to him, but I agree, anon. I think that line will come in some shape or form, and it might be the moment that changes everything.

(Tagging @luckydragon10, @black-flame-rose, @antique-forvalaka, and @minisculecosmos since I left y'all in suspense over what this ask was about 😂😂)

[undertale-data]

[Image Description: An Undertale chat box that has “WHY FANS LOVE UNDERTALE” at its center. Next to it are a line chart and an Egg from the Dating Hub on its left, and a CRIME measurer (also from the Dating Hub) on its right. End I.D.]

[Image Description: a pie chart titled, “LEVEL OF LOVE FOR UNDERTALE.” The textbox on the top right reads, “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least and 10 being the highest, how much do fans enjoy Undertale?” From the top going clockwise, 12 or 0% chose 5 and below; 23 or 1% chose 6; 98, or 4%, chose 7; 325, or 12%, chose 8; 529, or 20%, chose 9; and 1664, or 63%, chose 10. End I.D.]

It’s clear from all of the data analyzed so far that fans who took the time to answer our survey love Undertale. It is unlikely that they would have taken the time to answer so many questions if they had not, and even less likely that they would have come across our survey in the first place. Naturally, it comes as no surprise that 63% of our responders gave their love for Undertale a score of ten out of ten. 95% gave their love for Undertale a score of eight or higher, and only 12 responders responded with five or below, a number so small that their responses had to be lumped together to be visible on the pie chart. Of those, only 3 responders gave their love for Undertale a score of 1, and based on those responders’ other answers, it is likely that they were only intending to troll. We are very fortunate that the vast majority of responders took the survey seriously, enough so that responses like this are barely a blip in the data.

Now, for our final analysis post of the event, we will delve into the reasons that fans love Undertale so dearly.

(Essay and highlights under the cut.)

There have been countless essays on the impact that Undertale has had on people’s lives. I can hardly add more on the subject than what has already been said, but I hope this summary can provide a brief overview of what stood out among the over two thousand answers given in response to this survey. That said, due to the sheer volume of answers, I could not read every single one in depth—however, I did skim all of them, and some that stood out or were representative of several responses have been highlighted below. If you would like to see what every fan who consented to share their response had to say, you may view the full list of responses here. Note that these responses have not been edited in any way. This document may take a long time to load, as it is over 100 pages long.

(Warnings for mentions of suicidal thoughts in the following essay.)

Several responders loved the theme of choices mattering in Undertale. Whether people played the pacifist, merciless, or neutral routes, they enjoyed how the game reacted to their actions. For some, it even made them consider their own morality. One touching response explained the impact that the theme of mercy made on them. “I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.” Many fans left similar comments about how the themes of Undertale made them better people.

Undertale changed how its fans treat others, and it also changed how fans treat themselves. The theme of staying determined and the messages of hope in the game were a light to a very large portion of fans. I cannot list all of the fans who said that Undertale helped them out of a dark place, or that they would not be alive if not for Undertale. “DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.”

Undertale brought fans together in unexpected ways. Some said they met friends or significant others through the fandom. “I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale,” one fan said. A different fan who is non-native English speaking mentioned that the game and the fan community helped them to learn English.

It would be impossible to discuss Undertale without mentioning the fan community. Whether for good or bad, many responders mentioned the fandom in their responses. Overall the feelings towards the fandom seem positive, though many made references to “toxic” parts of the fandom without specifying which parts they consider toxic. Others rejected the idea of toxicity in fandom. One response said: “[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!”

One thing that makes the Undertale fandom unique is the way it embraces various AUs. Some fans are tired of AU content, but the majority of responses show a love for the creativity behind AUs. “Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.” The lack of a judgemental atmosphere seems present in the AU community, according to the responses we saw. There is an interesting balance between AU and canon (sometimes referred to as “classic”) content that another responder pointed out: “The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertale fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)”

Regardless of the many AUs the fandom has created over the years, the original game of Undertale still feels like home for many fans. They wished they could reclaim the feeling of playing the game again for the first time, but even though we can’t reset time in real life, there is still a special feeling for fans each time they play Undertale. One fan said, “Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.” This feeling is one that can be cherished time and time again. In the words of another responder: “It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it.” Others pointed out the strength of the found family trope in Undertale, which likely contributes to this feeling of “home” as well.

As mentioned briefly earlier, the music is part of what makes Undertale feel like home for fans. Even when responses focused on other aspects of the game, many would throw in a comment about the soundtrack at the end. One comment focused on the music said “IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.” Like with the game itself, the music has incredible replay value, an amazing feat considering most of the tracks use the same few motifs. “I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story,” another responder said. “They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.”

If the music sticks with fans in their hearts, then the game’s lore sticks with fans in their minds. Even six years after the release of Undertale, fans are still creating new theories and digging up new secrets. The way the game breaks the fourth wall in particular intrigued many fans and has stuck out through all these years. The awareness that the game shows for the RPG genre makes it memorable. The game plays with the player’s expectations and turns them on their heads, all while reminding the player that they’re in a game. There are few other games that do this on such a large scale, so it’s no surprise that fans cite this as one of their favorite things about Undertale.

Lastly, the LGBT+ representation in Undertale has been a huge draw for fans. Especially in 2015, the sheer volume of non-cishet characters was unprecedented, as one fan pointed out: “It's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. Hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. It's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.” The LGBT+ cast including Frisk, Chara, Napstablook, Monster Kid, Mettaton, Alphys, and Undyne each connected with fans in unique ways. It’s clear how important this is from responses such as: “There are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.” “It made me gay and trans so thanks for that.”

Once again I am overwhelmed with just how much there is to say about Undertale. One responder really understood when they compared Undertale to an iceberg, explaining that there are so many layers to the game that there is something for everyone: “everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans—from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers—is the mark of the coolest games!” I would have to agree with them.

It’s been six years, and despite everything, it’s still you. Thank you for reading, participating in this survey, and above all, staying determined.

Highlights:

DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.

I think the coolest thing was having the opportunity to watch the AU community grow from its bare roots. It's nearly insane how big and complex it's gotten, unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.

i love how the lgbt rep is so naturalized... there are just gay people! and its nobodys business!

The music is my go to answer, but what I really really REALLY love is how the minor characters have so much personality to them when you talk to them. They aren't incredibly important to the overall story, but they're all so likeable and diverse that you just can't help but like them immediately!

I think it was the first videogame I have played that broke the fourth wall that much. Of course there has been other videogames that broke it but just for one or two tongue-in-cheek jokes. The guilt of killing mama goat was also something intense as well that I appreciated as an experience and that I didn't think a videogame could cause on someone.

I love how no character can be seen as completely bad! Everyone builds up Asgore as some horrible villain, but he turns out to be a 'fuzzy pushover' who's broken and just wants his family back by the time you meet him. Then you think Flowey's an irredeemable killer who engineered the suffering of the monsters across many timelines, and he is... but he also used to be the kind and beloved Prince Asriel Dreemurr, traumatized by his death and subsequent rebirth, projecting his best friend onto you.

The fact that choices matter in the game. Your first playthrough and getting the golden ending for the first time. I can never replicate those feelings again, wish I could erase my memories and replay the game from the start.

I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale.

(Toxic parts of the fandom aside) The community is possibly one of the kindest I've ever met. Cringe culture is completely dead, and I feel like I can be myself. I felt a very close connection to many of the characters, and I loved consuming content about them when I was in a rough patch in my life.

just everything, the whole game has just impacted my life so much. i know it sounds really lame, but when the game first came out, i would purposely put my hands in my pockets and sway slightly, like sans' idle animation. of course i dont do that anymore haha, but undertale still really impacts me to this day, and i wouldnt have it any other way :)

it made me gay and trans so thanks for that

I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.

The thing I love most about Undertale is no matter how many times I play or watch a playthrough it always makes me genuinely happy. It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it. Toriel still makes me feel all warm and cozy in her home, the Skelebros always make me laugh, and I still cry on the inside watching Frisk comforting Asriel. And on the flip side the No Mercy run still invokes the negative emotions in me as well. In short Undertale just feels like a second home to me and I always wish I could stay.

The reader inserts are my favorite way to decompress after a hard day

I think Undertale helped me discover my love for 8-bit games, and made me realize how IMPORTANT music is in video games.

the worldbuilding and character design are my favorite parts of the main game apart from the music! I’m also a huge fan of the random AU music- not for like underswap or underfell i like the stuff where someone makes a megalovania for a random au where gru from despicable me replaces sans as the character. i think its funny

Just... the vibe, honestly? Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.

there are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.

[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!

There's a scene where Frisk (the player) is going towards what is presumably going to be their death. They will fight Asgore and he will use their human soul to break the barrier and free his people. The music, despite the player's impending doom, is... triumphant. You are not the triumphant one here, and yet, the score invites you to experience the monsters' joy and happiness as they tell you the tale of their subjugation. The monsters are going to be free. This is their victory, but they don't hate you or want you to die. They're just... happy. That scene has always struck me very deeply. I feel it represents the best parts of Undertale.

I loved how well thought out the Geno route was. It really made me feel like I was doing something horrible, and the characters were very obviously reacting to dire circumstances.

I dunno? I like Undertale for it's characters, story, music, secrets and many more. I am not good with Headcanons but I also like the neutral endings and how different they can depending on who you spare and kill

I was very bad at english before, i thought i couldn't progress because i was very shy and not confident. But my sibling and i wanted to have the best experience with this game so we wanted to play it in english. It's this game and the fandom which helped me to make huge progress in english !

THE SOUNDTRACK. IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.

to avoid writing an essay i will say one word. Mettaton

It is like Toby specifically made the games to fit the iceberg meme and it's awesome, everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans - from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers is the mark of the coolest games!

I love almost everything about Undertale as a game on its own. The music, the art and especially the characters and how they interact. They made me feel at home. Undertale means a huge amount to me. (I even got a tattoo of the castle when you and MK walk together!) The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertake fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)

the mystery. toby fox refused to give answers to anything and i think thats very sexy of him.

I just feel guilty for liking it so much when I'm in my 30's. But I recently got diagnosed with ASD, so I guess it explains things a bit. Many ppl consider Papyrus to be neurodivergent, and some adult fans are too, so seeing that makes me feel a bit better.

i think about "Despite everything, it's still you" everyday of my life.

I like how it's just as funny as it can be serious. All routes are this way. I laughed as much as I cried when I played the Pacifist route and then once I opened the game again and Flowey was telling me to let them be happy, I immediately turned off the game. I somehow felt bad.

The Found Family Trope

The True Pacifist Ending is just...man. And the fanworks about saving everyone even when the game doesn't let you? MANNNNNN

I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story. They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.

there's honestly a LOT to love about this game, but i think one of my favorite things about it is just how many lgbt+ characters there are??? i can think of alphys, undyne, frisk, chara, mettaton, napstablook, monster kid, asgore, mad mew mew, the dress lion, the royal guards, and arguably even papyrus off of the top of my head, but im sure i'm forgetting a few from just undertale alone (there's even MORE in deltarune)!! it's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. it's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.

[Image description: A wordcloud in the shape of the capitalized word UNDERTALE. The text is white on a black background, and uses the font found in the game. Some of the most visible words are: Game, Love, Music, Life, AU, Store, Friend, and Feel, which represent the most common words in the essays people wrote about their love for the game. End of ID]

[baya-ni]

The Queer Appeal of Sk8

Recently @mulberrymelancholy reblogged a post of mine with a truly galaxy brain take about how Sk8 “is a show made for queer fans” and generally how sports anime often depicts love and relationships in a way that’s more accessible and relatable to ace/arospec people than other mainstream media does.

Just, *chef’s kiss* fucking brilliant. I urge you to read their post here (note I’m referring to the reblog not the actual post).

And basically, it got me thinking about this concept of Sk8 as a Queer Show, and the kinds of stories and dynamics that tend to attract queer audiences in droves, regardless of whether its queerness is made explicit or hell, whether that queerness was intended.

And that’s what I’ve been pondering: What are the cues, markers, or coding, in Sk8 that set off the community’s collective gaydar?

I obviously can’t speak for the community. So here’s what aspects of the show intrigued me and what, for me, marks Sk8 as a Queer Show beyond the subtextual queer romances: a punk/alternative aesthetic, Found Family, Shadow as a drag persona, and The Hands.

1.) The Punk Aesthetic

All three of the above screenshots are taken from Ep 1, and every single one of them depicts background characters. They’re nameless and ultimately unimportant characters, yet each of them designed so distinctly and so unique from one another, one could mistake each of them for the main character(s) of another story.

Of what little I know about Punk subculture, I do know this: that the ethos of Punk is heavily built around a celebration of individuality and non-conformity. Sk8 seems to have incorporated this ethos into the very fabric its worldbuilding, and the aesthetics and culture upon which it takes inspiration appeals specifically to a queer audience.

I don’t really need to explain why Punk has such deep ties with the queer community. For decades, queer people have found community and acceptance within punk spaces, and punk ideology is something that I think is just ingrained in the queer consciousness as both lived experience and a survival tactic.

Therefore, a show that adopts punk aesthetics is, by association, already paying homage to Queer culture, intentional or not.

Queer fans notice this- like recognizes like.

2.) Found Family

This also needs little explanation.

Too often, queer individuals cannot rely on their “born into” families for support and acceptance. Too often, we are abused, neglected, and abandoned by those who we were taught would “always be there for us.”

And so, a universal experience for queer people has been redefining the meaning of Family, having to build our families from scratch, finding brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers in people with whom we have no blood relation, and forming communities tied together by shared lived experience rather than shared genetics.

And this idea of Found Family is also built into Sk8′s narrative.

Like, for example, the way that Reki promises MIYA that he and Langa will “never disappear from [his] sight,” filling the void that MIYA felt after his friends abandoned him.

And in the way that JOE becomes a paternal figure for Reki, teaching him ways to improve in skateboarding, and ensuring that Reki doesn’t self isolate when he’s feeling insecure.

And in the whole Ep 6 business with Hiromi acting as babysitter to the Gang.

Hell, even ADAM (derogatory) is associated with this trope. Abused as a child, he finds solace in an underground skateboarding community and culture he helped create- his own found family (or some powertrippy version of it anyway).

Again, queer fans see themselves depicted in the show, but this time in the way that the show gives importance to Found Family relationships between its characters.

3.) Shadow and Drag

This is one that’s more of an association that I personally made. But I was intrigued by the way that Hiromi adopts his SHADOW persona. He wears SHADOW like a mask, and adopts a personality seemingly so opposite to his day-to-day behavior.

Further, the theatricality and general “gender fuckery” of his SHADOW persona, to me, just seemed so similar to a the characteristics of a drag persona (I don’t know a whole lot about drag but enough that I’m drawing superficial similarities).

There’s also this aspect of a “double life” that he, and actually all the other adult characters of the show, have to adopt, which is a way of living that I’m sure a lot of queer viewers see themselves reflected in.

4.) The Hands

Ohhhh the Hands.

One of the things I noticed very early on is the way the show constantly draws our attention to Reki’s hands, which I thought was a little strange for an anime about skating. After all, skating doesn’t really involve the hands, or at least the show doesn’t really draw attention to hands within the context of skating.

I count 3 times so far between Eps 1-9 in which hands are the focus of the frame.

First, when Reki teaches Langa how to fist pump after Langa lands his first ollie, second, when Reki and Langa make their Promise, and finally, when Langa saves Reki from falling off his board.

And you know what they say, twice is a coincidence but thrice is a motif (no one else actually says this I think I’m the only one who says this lol).

I’m not really certain why hands seem to be such a shared fixation among queer people (at least among those I interact with). All I know is that gay people are just fucking obsessed with them.

I have a Theory as to why, and at this point I’d love for other people to chime in and “compare notes” if you will, but I think it basically has to do with repression. And in the same way that queer people have had to redefine the meaning of family, we’ve also had to redefine intimacy.

Being overtly physically affectionate with someone of the same sex, even if they’re your significant other, or often specifically BECAUSE they’re your significant other, can still be dangerous, even now despite the “progression” of society. Queer people know this, this vigilant surveillance of our environment and ourselves, always asking ourselves, “Am I safe enough to be myself?”

Already, Western culture is pretty touch-averse. That is, it’s considered taboo to touch someone unless they’re a family member or a romantic partner. And to touch a person of the same sex in any way that could be misconstrued as romantic (which is most things tbh) is a big no no.

There’s just A Lot to unpack there.

But basically I think that queer people, by necessity, have had to learn to romanticize mundane or unconventional ways of being physically intimate so that we can continue to be romantic with one another without “being caught” so to speak.

Kissing and hugging is too obvious. But a handshake that lingers for just a second too long is much more likely to go unnoticed, braiding someone’s hair can easily be explained away as just lending a helping hand, touching palms to “compare hand sizes” is just good fun.

But for queer people, these brief and seemingly insignificant touches hold greater meaning, because it’s all we are allowed, and all we allow ourselves, to exchange with others.

God, I’ve gone off and rambled again. What’s my point? Basically that the way the show draws attention to Reki’s hands, and specifically how they’re so often framed with Langa’s hands, is one of the major reasons why I clocked Sk8 as a Queer. It’s just something that resonated with me and my own experience of queerness, and I know that I’m not the only one who noticed either.

~

So in conclusion, uhhhh yeah Sk8 the Infinity is just a super gay show, and it’s not even because of the homo-romantic subtext (that at this point is really just Text).

Because what’s important to understand is that Queerness isn’t just about same-sex romance.

Queer Love isn’t just shared between wives/girlfriends, husbands/boyfriends, and all their in-betweens. Queer Love can be two best friends who come out together, queer siblings who rely and support one another, a gay teacher who helps guide one of their questioning students, a queer community pitching in to help a struggling member.

And that all ties with another important thing to consider, that what we refer to as the “queer experience” or “queer culture” isn’t universal. In fact, it wrongly lumps together the unique experiences and struggles of queer BIPOC all under one umbrella that’s primary White and middle class.

So I think what drives a lot of my frustration about labeling a show like Sk8 as Queerbait is this very issue of considering queerness and queer representation within such narrow standards, and mandating that a show must pass a certain threshold of explicit queerness to be considered good representation.

I get that someone might only feel represented by an indisputable canonization of a same-sex couple. That’s fine. But labeling Sk8 as Queerbait for that reason alone ignores the vast array of other queer experiences.

The aspects of Sk8 that resonate most deeply with my own experiences of queerness is in the way that Reki and Langa share intimacy through skating (intricate rituals heyo). For me, them officially getting together ultimately doesn’t matter- I’ll consider Sk8 a Queer show regardless.

Similarly, @mulberrymelancholy​ finds ace/arospec representation in that very absence of an on-screen kiss. A bisexual man might find representation in Reki, not because he enters a canon relationship, but in the depiction of Reki’s coming of age, growing up and navigating adolescent relationships. A non-binary person might feel represented through CHERRY’s androgyny.

That’s the thing, I don’t know how this show will resonate with other members of the queer community, and it’d be wrong to make a judgement on Sk8′s queer representation based on my experiences alone.

That being said, Straight people definitely don’t get to judge Sk8 as Queerbait. Y’all can watch and enjoy the show, we WANT you to enjoy these kinds of shows, and we want you to share these shows and contribute to the normalization and celebration of these kinds of narratives.

But understand that you don’t have a right to tell us whether or not Sk8 has good or bad queer representation.

And even members of the queer community are on thin ice. Your experience of queerness is not universal. Listen to the other members of your community, and respect that what you might find lacking in this show may be the exact representation that someone else needs.

[inonibird]

Sahuldeem/Kaleesh Q&A #8

Here we go again... (questions bold; answers italic) — Have you added or changed anything plotwise in Sahuldeem since completing the script? Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and thought “It’s not too late to throw that in” Oh, hell yeah. All the time. (and I’ve also cut things, as well) The original script covers a LOT but doesn’t go nearly as in-depth as the prose, unsurprisingly, and I have found myself expanding on a lot of scenes because I can get into Qymaen’s head (and others) and explore emotions in greater detail. Probably the biggest example of an incredibly important late addition to the story was Ronderu’s backstory. Wild, I know. I always had a vague idea of what it would involve, and had written a description off to the side for my own knowledge, but in the original script Qymaen never actually found out about her past. I decided the reader would be too interested to NOT find out, and the only way we would learn of it was if Ronderu herself told Qymaen, so I massively expanded that wet lung scene with her opening up to him and am SO glad I did it.

What do you think Grievous is saying when Obi-Wan pries his chestplate open? He has already said it once in the story. He’ll say it at least one more time before we get to the end. Context clues will be there until then, but that final time will be when I translate it. ;)

Did the rank of Baatar ever get mentioned in Sahuldeem? Apparently it's higher than Tarkhan but lower than Khan Oh, yeah, I did include it, but I swapped the hierarchy of Baatar and Tarkhan. It made more sense in my brain for Tarkhan to be closer to Khan.

So as far as clan symbols go, what’s the difference between these sigils?

Ugh, these symbols. Very confusing. So my understanding has been that the mask and cape are meant to be variations of the same sigil (that of the Jai Clan), even though the art of the Martyr shows yet ANOTHER sigil that I also feel could represent the Jai Clan. Maybe one or more of them are just incredibly stylized? Maybe one is the “standard” sigil and another is the “Chieftain/Khan/Khagan” edition? Take your pick. The arrows, IMO, are more generic Kaleesh markings that can be used by any clan. They likely have a lot of similar motifs and designs across the globe.

My brain just randomly conjured a parallel universe where Grievous was an Ewok instead of a Kaleesh and now I'm imagining Sahuldeem with the exact level of depth and angst but the characters are literal teddy bears Why would you do this to me??? … *files away for later if I ever want to torture anyone with some ridiculous imagery*

So what does a tuugmusme look like exactly? We’ve never really seen a visual depiction of someone wearing it Closer to a facemask/scarf that covers the lower face than to, for instance, a full niqab. Usually patterned, if not decorated. May include clan sigils, but not as prominently as what is painted on kakmusmal.

I have a question or two about the tumu. How big are they? I’ve been thinking of them as about the size of parrots, but considering their radically different body plan they may be way bigger or smaller. Also do they have any uses beyond looking pretty? I have this idea for a trained seabird that the Kaleesh use to find shoals of fish, but I kind of got the vibe that Babbar’s usefulness begins and ends at unsettling people through the power of mimicry. Parrot is a good comparison, actually, and I like to imagine tumu come in as many varied sizes as parrots do. Some could be as large as a macaw, and…well, not sure if any are as tiny as a budgie, but maybe a cockatiel! And they can absolutely be trained to be more useful than Babbar (messenger tumu are a thing), but your assessment of that particular tumu is pretty accurate. x’D

How did you come up with sahuldeem, the word itself? How many words did you try before you found one that sounded right? So a thing I’ve often been doing when I snag Sumerian for Kaleesh is ignoring the “š” (which is a voiceless post alveolar fricative) and just treating it like “s” (a voiceless alveolar fricative that I assume is sibilant)…and this is usually because I like the sound/flow of a word better without the “sh” sound, though not always. In searching for a term closest to “grief”, I found “šà-hul…dím”, which translates to “to grieve” but more literally translates to ‘to make the heart evil’ (I know, right?!?!). Rather than transliterate this to Shahuldim, I went with Sahuldeem (I liked the sound of “sa”, and I wanted to parallel the “ee” in Sheelal). …Tadaaaa!

You ever think about what Grievous would have looked like if he’d lived to the age he did without becoming a cyborg? Well, considering at what age in Sahuldeem he does become a cyborg, I don’t have to think too hard about it. ;P

—

And then just an extra note:

Two years ago I wrote a silly rap(?) about General Grievous. One year ago I started posting Sahuldeem. Thank you to all the folks who have been following along and reading what is the very definition of a passion project. If you’re enjoying the journey, please do shoot me a message/drop a comment on AO3 (or a kudos if you don’t want to stress over words). Not sure what 2022 will bring on...well, so many fronts, but I hope to at least keep pressing on and posting this story without too many delays on the horizon~

[ordinaryschmuck]

Starkid Musicals Ranked from Worst to Best

Salutations to you, random people on the internet who most certainly won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Welp. I finally did it. I've watched the entire Starkid musical library, and I must say, most of these plays fit my writing style perfectly:

Humor that is cynical yet random

Leaning in with comedy while sprinkling in some well-executed drama

An understanding that any type of story works as long as the cast of varying personalities of characters is dynamic enough to result in some phenomenal chemistry.

This is in almost all of their plays, excelled through fantastic writing and stellar performances driving the overall quality. And it inspired me not only to review each musical, but also ranking them all from worst to best. Or, more accurately, least good to most good. Because even at their "worst," Starkid still provides a funny, enjoyable experience that will keep you laughing with its comedy and your toes tapping with its catchy music. So strap in as I go in-depth into how Starkid proves how they are the masters of humor and melody.

(I'll also provide links to each musical, which is all for free on YouTube, so you can check them out yourselves. Just know that their early work is impossible to enjoy without subtitles, so you might want to have Closed Captions on when watching.)

#12-Holy Musical B@man-Everything about this play makes it seem like it's the weakest to me. The jokes, songs, and characters in Holy Musical B@tman just don't hit as hard as Starkid's other plays. It's still good, but compared to their best, the cracks show a lot more. That is, except for the ending. Not only is there a great speech that shows what makes superheroes so beloved, but "Super Friends" might just be my favorite finale song Starkid has ever put out. Holy Musical B@tman may not be the best, but it's at least worth the time.

#11-Firebringer-This was stupid. Really stupid. Funny as f**k, but still pretty stupid. Although I will give credit to one of the central pairings being LGBTQA+...Even though it makes little to no sense based on the characters' previous interactions. But in fairness, Starkid really sucks at writing good romantic relationships, so at least Firebringer has the benefit of being gay. And as we all know: The gayer, the better. The play is still stupid, though.

#10-Me and My Dick-The world in this musical makes little to no sense. Penises and vaginas are sentient and can communicate with their humans. And yet the penises and vaginas can also talk with each other, form relationships, leave their humans, and reinsert themselves into others--Yeah, it makes no sense...But, DAMN, is it funny! Every joke and innuendo Me and My Dick has about human anatomy works, and I could not stop laughing at each of them. Especially the names that were given to the vaginas, which are just...I mean, I'm laughing just by thinking about them. That should tell you how funny they are. This play might be illogical in every way, but if you turn your brain off and watch it for the humor, you'll definitely be in for something fun.

#9-ANI: A Parody-What's weird about ANI is that its best qualities are also weaknesses. A good chunk of the jokes are hilarious and expertly delivered. The issue is that most of them are about taking potshots at the Star Wars prequels, which might be the laziest jokes to make in a Star Wars parody. Then there's the soundtrack, having several songs that are a bop to listen to. The problem is that ANI suffers from the same issues as Tarzan and Brother Bear: Yes, technically, it is a musical, but it's one where none of the characters sing, and some people in the background do all the singing instead. It's all an odd balancing act of quality content made through questionable choices. ANI is still an entertaining play, but the force isn't as strong with this one.

#8-Black Friday-This might be the least funny play that Starkid has ever put out. Not just because it leans extra hard into drama, which was pretty effective during certain scenes. It's just when there are jokes in Black Friday, they tend to fall flatter more here than they did in other plays. Also, the plot of Black Friday might not be the best one to play straight. The serious moments work best when focusing on the characters and their personal struggles, but through the big bad that's supposed to be threatening? Not so much. Even if it was meant to be funny, well, I wasn't laughing. And believe it or not, I consider that to be the best judge of whether or not something is funny. That being said, while Black Friday isn't the most humorous Starkid musical, it's still pretty good. The characters are excellent, the songs are awesome, and the story is somewhat easy to follow. I would have appreciated a few more laughs, but I can respect these talented people wanting to challenge their strengths.

#7-Starship-This play feels very...Disney. It follows a familiar formula we've seen several times: The main character wants more than what he has in his crappy life, miraculously gets the exact thing he wants, falls in love with a girl in a short amount of time, faces off against a campy/over the top villain, realizes the hand he's been dealt isn't so bad, and in the end, gets what he wants anyway. Starship is still pretty entertaining through its jokes, characters, and songs, but it also feels weird that Starkid leans into these tropes when they would eventually make a much better play by making fun of them. The end result is not bad in the slightest, but it's also nowhere near their best.

#6-A Very Potter Musical-Starkid's first production, and boy, what a start to something wonderful. Every one of their gimmicks and motifs is present in A Very Potter Musical. The use of parody to playfully mock characters and stories they love, making songs that are as funny as they are emotional, and creating characters that work because of their lines and the actors' performances. Oh, and also, it's funny. And it’s not just through a parody angle, like making Cedric be a perfect boy who's always smiling. It's also funny through its jokes that work, even if you ignore the fact that it’s a parody altogether. Case in point, there are these two bits, one involving Voldemort and Beatrix with the other involving Ron and Hermoine, that are written and delivered so well that I was in tears much more than with any other Starkid play. When watching A Very Potter Musical, you'll not only understand how parody works, but you'll also gain an understanding of why Starkid turned out as successful as they did.

#5-The Trail to Oregon-What can I say? I'm a sucker for comedic dysfunctional families. And seeing a family of idiots make their way to Oregon via The Oregon Trail parody? Yeah, that's a win for me. The play may be another family road trip narrative, which some people might get sick of at this point. But because the dynamics and comedic chemistry everyone has with each other are on point, the end result proves that you don't need an original story to tell an entertaining one. Although I will say that out of all of Starkid's productions, The Trail to Oregon has by far the worst ending. Without giving anything away, the play spends way too much time on this one stupid joke that any of the characters could make. Comedy is defined by personalities, as are most things, so making the joke work for anyone is a bad move when this one, in particular, doesn't fit as well for some characters as it would for others. Plus, the finale song "Naked in a Lake" is a really poor choice to cap off this musical. It's catchy, but to me, a finale song should encapsulate everything about the story, characters, and themes. Not paying off a joke that I honestly wouldn't want the payoff for. So while the ending could have used a lot more polish, that doesn't change how The Trail to Oregon is a pretty funny play that I won't mind revisiting when I have the chance.

#4-A Very Potter Sequel-Hey, sometimes a sequel is better than the original. Sure some jokes don't land, and some story beats aren't as impactful as they thought they were (Serious Black's introduction, for example), but there are far more improvements to this play than the last one. The performances are stronger, the jokes are funnier, the music is catchier, and the characters are much more entertaining in this play than in A Very Potter Musical. Especially new additions like Lupin and Lucious Malfoy, who provide great comedy and sublime drama at times. And Umbridge. Sweet Mother of all that is holy, Umbridge. While A Very Potter Sequel never made me laugh to tears as the first play did, twice, Professor Umbridge carries the comedy so well that she surpasses all of that. Plus, on top of it all, this play nails its ending through a bittersweet note that really captures what makes Hogwarts so special to these characters. I always feel like Starkid's plays tend to lose steam during the last few minutes, but A Very Potter Sequel is one of the few instances that it just builds and builds to a perfect ending. A Very Potter Sequel might not always hit the right marks, but the results are just magical when it does get it right.

#3-The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals-This one is pretty clever. The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is one of those stories that manages to be explicitly hilarious yet implicitly disturbing. For instance, people suddenly bursting into perfectly choreographed musical numbers in a world where songs are exclusively diegetic is pretty funny (especially through the characters' reactions to it). However, knowing what happens to these people and why they sing and dance so expertly helps make the whole situation pretty dire. It's an excellent balancing act that not many stories can accomplish. And while The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals leans one way or the other at times, it's still all handled really well. Oh, and also, you know how most people say the villain song is the best one in any musical? Well, technically speaking, nearly every song in The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is the villain song. Including the finale, which is just too brilliant for me not to give a round of applause. If you're a person who unfortunately doesn't like musicals either, I'd say be more than willing to give this one a chance. It's funny, catchy, and if you think of the implications, pretty damn disturbing.

#2-A Very Potter Senior Year-...You know how Avengers: Endgame is a bit of a mess, yet people still love it for how much of a perfect (sort of) finale it is? It's the same regard with A Very Potter Senior Year in my eyes. It's far from a masterpiece, but the many, many solid scenes that cap off this series help make me willing to overlook the mistakes. The characters, callbacks, and overall message about how things end was done so expertly well that I physically can’t hate this one. I can understand how it's more of an ok play when compared to the rest of Starkid's productions, but sometimes, ok is wonderful.

#1-Twisted: An Untold Story of a Royal Vizier-...It's Twisted. Everyone loves Twisted! And how could they not? Everything about this play just screams Starkid at their best. The comedy is uproarious, added with the fantastic delivery of the actors and the characters' personalities. Everyone feels as though they have one step in reality and the other in insanity. This, to me, seems like the best type of character work when going for the parody angle. Parody is about giving slight yet snide remarks toward the work you're mocking, which I feel works best when characters drop the suspension of disbelief audiences have when enjoying such a story. And Twisted definitely nails its satire in not only poking fun at Aladdin but also making jokes towards Disney as a brand. From their movies to their inside jokes to their formulas to even their corporate dealings with Pixar, nothing about Disney is sacred in Twisted. But on top of being funny, Twisted might just be the most successful Starkid has been with telling some really compelling drama. The jokes allow themselves to take a back seat to let serious moments play out, and even comedy is added, it provides more for the experience rather than taking anything away. You see this not only through the actors giving it their all but even through some really gorgeous and heart wrenching musical numbers. Oh, and also, Twisted has the best Starkid soundtrack, featuring songs that are epic, funny, and, as I said, heartbreaking. You cannot get better than this and, if you want to get a friend interested in Starkid as a whole, this might be the play for them. Scheherazade may have a thousand tales, but his one is a tale I wouldn't mind hearing for a thousand nights.

And that's about how I feel about Starkid and each and every one of their plays. Odds are your ranking would be much different from mine, and I'm all for that differing opinions. Feel free to make your own ranking if you want because I'm honestly curious where fans would place these plays above or below others. I'm relatively new to enjoying their work, so I have no idea what the consensus is. I do know one thing, though: If Starkid can still be incredibly entertaining through over ten years of content, then I am excited to see what they can accomplish next in another ten years.

[tinysidestrashcaptain]

It's Only Logical - Chapter 22

Chapter 22: The Big Day

First chapter Previous Chapter

Pairings: Logicality/Prinxiety

Warnings: None, this is all fluff!

Virgil’s eyes scanned the jeweler's case with an increasing sense of frantic paranoia. The wedding was literally two days away, and Logan had physically dragged him from his house to finally find Roman’s wedding ring. Perhaps the notion that he could find the perfect ring was one he should have deleted from his brain around jewelry store number three, but he really hadn’t expected it to be this difficult to find a damn ring! And he hadn’t MEANT to put it off this long, LOGAN, but nothing that he saw was really right.

“There are literally ten rings that Roman would wear right in this first row, Virgil. You’re getting married in 48 hours, and you can’t do that without a ring, or so I have been told.” Logan arched a brow at Virgil, who shot him a frustrated glare.

“It can’t be just ANY ring! I need a ring that’s at least as good as the one currently sitting on my left hand!” Virgil held out the hand in question, the ring of red and black melding together in a perfect mix of himself and Roman. “Standard diamonds and gold just aren’t going to cut it here.”

Just as Virgil was about to write it off as yet another failure and melt into a small puddle of panic, Logan spotted a ring in the back of a small case. It was black with a twisting motif of purple, Virgil’s favorite color. “What about that one?”

The ring that Roman had given him sat heavy on Virgil’s finger, and he looked closer at that one ring. It was...him. It would be his favorite color on Roman’s finger, for always. “Excuse me, can I see this one, please?”

“Of course, sir.” The jeweler smiled as she opened the case and pulled the black and purple ring out for Virgil to inspect. As he turned it over in his hands, he thought about how it would look on Roman, about how this flash of dark and color would gleam against tanned skin.

“I’ll take it.” Virgil’s soft smile melted into a put upon scowl as Logan heaved a great sigh of relief. “What?!? It had to be perfect!”

“I’m just relieved that perfection actually exists. What kind of best man would I be if I let you face your future husband without a wedding ring? You’d be dead before you were married.” Logan grinned as Virgil playfully smacked him.

“Yeah, yeah, you saved the day. Now let me pay for this so I can finally check the one thing I’m responsible for in this wedding off my list.” Virgil handed over his credit card with no regrets, taking the small bag from the jeweler with a grateful smile.

“That’s not true, Virgil. You’re also responsible for showing up.” Logan followed him out of the shop, giving the amused jeweler a friendly wave goodbye.

“Nah, that’s what you’re responsible for.” Virgil winked at him as he got into Logan’s car.

“Oh, so I have to add “wrangle Virgil” to my list of matrimonial duties? Thought you were looking forward to this.” Logan laughed as he started the car and drove them towards the cafe.

“Oh, I am. Probably not as much as Roman, if the sobbing over his wedding binder last night was anything to go by.” Virgil shook his head fondly at the memory. “I don’t know, I just don’t see the point of all the fuss, you know? We love each other. We’re in this for life, until we’re old and wrinkly and gray. That’s the headline here, everything else is just window dressing.”

“Don’t let Roman hear you say that! He’s worked very hard on this wedding and it means a great deal to him.” Logan shot Virgil a warning look, arching a brow as his best friend put both hands in the air like he was surrendering.

“I know, and that’s the only reason it matters to me at all. You know me, I hate all the attention, but Roman wants this. He’s been dreaming of this, and I want to give him that one perfect day, you know?” He looked out the window, face flushing at the admission.

“Yeah, I know. Why do you think I agreed to turn Roman’s backyard into his dream garden? Roman wanted to get married at his house, where we all had so many good memories with us and Mom, and I couldn’t say no even if I’d wanted to.”

“His puppy dog eyes should be classified as a lethal weapon, I’m telling you!”

“Oh, his have nothing on Patton’s, let me assure you. Seems to be a family trait.” Logan chuckled as he remembered the way Patton and Thomas had ganged up on him last week. “And Thomas isn’t far behind. I truly stand no chance.”

“Wow, two Sanders Puppy Dog eyes at once? You are well and truly fucked, Lo. There is no escape.” Virgil gave his arm a sympathetic pat as they parked. “I’ll see you tomorrow for the rehearsal dinner. You're still good with all of us crashing at your house for it, right?”

“It’s not like I don’t have the room, Virgil. Go, have fun. Enjoy your last night as singles together, since Roman already asked me to have a guest room made up for you so you won’t see him before the wedding.” Logan laughed as Virgil groaned loudly in protest and threw his head back against the seat.

“Great. Can’t wait. I’ll see you tomorrow, Lo….and….thanks. For everything, you know?”

“You don’t ever have to thank me. We’re family, this is what we do for each other.” Logan’s face softened at his best friend’s quiet words, and he knew why Virgil had said it. Not many people would have given or done as much as he had, and his best friend hadn’t had the easiest life growing up. Of course he’d feel the need to express gratitude, even if it was totally unnecessary. “...Did you ever decide? About your mother?”

Virgil froze, his whole face shuttering like a switch had been flipped. “Yup. Not changing my mind. She may have given birth to me, but she isn’t my mother. My mom is buried out in the cemetery, and my brother is my best man. I don’t need any other family than that.”

Logan felt sentimental tears sting his eyes at that, and he blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. “Alright then. Your family will be right there with you, every step of the way. For what it’s worth, Mom would have been very proud of you. She always thought you and Roman would make a good couple, so she’s probably giggling into her tea right now.”

“Goddammit, why did EVERYONE figure us out before we did?!?” Virgil shook his head as he got out of the car, leaning down to meet Logan’s eyes. “She would have loved all this. Like to think she’s still watching, you know?”

“She is, Virgil. And she’ll definitely be watching on the big day.” He watched Virgil nod once before closing the door and heading into the house, leaving his purchase with Logan for safekeeping until the ceremony.

__________________________________________

It was a perfect day for it, tailor made with candy blue skies and balmy air scented with flowers. Everything that Logan had planted with Patton and Virgil’s help was blooming in an explosion of shapes and colors. There were white chairs set on the lawn, and a shimmery drape of fabric tied with bunches of fresh flowers marked the aisle that Roman would walk down.

Patton turned away from the window, smiling as he watched his mother and sister fuss over Roman’s gown. It was a stunning dress, an elaborate white ball gown with beading and a train, dyed red just at the bottom. Roman had foregone a veil in favor of fresh flowers woven into his hair, and Val had done his makeup in red and gold with lashes that made his eyes look stunning. His brother looked beautiful today, and he could feel himself getting a little misty. “You look incredible, Ro.”

“Damn straight he does! God, I wish I had your cheekbones.” Val giggled as she applied just a touch more highlight before stepping away to let Roman inspect her work. “Virgil is going to absolutely die. I can’t wait.”

“Oh honey, there is nothing straight about today! But I do look spectacular, if I do say so myself.” Roman laughed before giving Valerie a fond hug. “Thank you, menace.”

“You’re welcome, brat.” Val mumbled, blinking back some tears.

“You always were a queen, sweetheart. Today you just look the part.” Lydia grinned as her children laughed, then gently reached out to take Roman’s hand. She placed a beautiful bracelet of sapphires and diamonds on Roman’s wrist, fiddling with the clasp until it sat just right. “Logan asked me to give you something today. Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue, isn’t that the old saying? He said it was his mother’s set, so now you’ve got the borrowed, blue and old all in one.”

Roman took a deep, shuddering breath, one hand gently tracing over the bracelet with shaking fingers. “I wish you could have spent more time with Minny, mom.”

“I do, too, sweetheart. She was a special woman, and it’s so sweet of Logan to think of this. And all the work he did to put this together just how you wanted? You’d better say thank you.” Lydia smiled as she straightened Roman’s train, fluffing it a little. “And Patton, you’d better hang on to him.”

“Oh, don’t you worry, I intend to.” Patton laughed as he gave Roman a hug. “Now, you ready to get out there and wow the crowd?”

“Aren’t I always?” Roman laughed as he took his bouquet from Val, straightening his shoulders. He knew it wasn’t traditional for a man to wear the dress, but he’d always wanted a gown and his family and future husband were more than supportive. He felt beautiful, regal even, and he couldn’t wait to see Virgil’s face.

Out on the lawn, just underneath an arch that was decorated with red roses and purple wisteria, Virgil fidgeted as Logan straightened his tie for him. “Not getting the jitters, are you, Virge?”

Virgil smiled at him and shook his head. “I’m not nervous anymore, not even a little jump in my belly, Lo. He’s a good man.”

“Yes, he is. A very good one.”

“I made him wait for so long. Years, when you think about it.” He let out a laughing breath as the music struck up. “Time’s up.”

Logan chuckled and took his place by Virgil’s side, feeling his heart absolutely melt at the sight of little Lily toddling carefully down the aisle in her dress, tossing flower petals, then little Thomas in his suit carrying the rings. He gave Thomas a thumbs up before taking the ring boxes with a smile. Patton entered next, his blue eyes alight with joy as he took his place opposite Virgil, Logan and Thomas, gently holding Lily’s hand.

It was sweet, watching Roman walk down the aisle to Virgil. Watching Virgil’s face light up in awed delight at the sight of his future husband. The ceremony was perfect, soft and lovely with a gentle breeze wafting the perfume of the floral blooms through the air. They had wanted to get married in the garden they would tend, in the home they would live in together, and it struck Logan as a perfectly romantic setting.

Virgil’s vows were earnest and heartfelt, prompting Roman to blink rapidly and fan himself to avoid crying. Roman’s own vows were poetic but heart wrenchingly honest, and Virgil kissed his hand after they exchanged rings. It was perfect, Virgil looking handsome in his suit, Roman looking flawless in his gown, and the crowd broke into spontaneous applause when Virgil swept his husband off his feet and twirled him around before kissing him. Barbara topped off the ceremony by popping the first bottle of champagne to toast the happy couple.

“You do good work, sweetheart.” Patton said as he clinked a champagne glass against Logan’s.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“It’s like a family tree. They two of them sprung from a branch on your tree. You aren’t family by blood but it amounts to the same, really. It’s their connection to you that brought them together. They did the rest, but the connection started it,” Patton said softly, watching his brother beam from Virgil’s arms as the photographer snapped pictures.

“That’s a sweet thought. I’ll take it.” Logan sipped his champagne and blinked back the sting of sentimental tears. He’d been mentally wrestling with his own thoughts and feelings lately, and watching the joy on his best friend’s face today was settling his heart into the comfortable acceptance that this was something he might just want for himself. “I wanted to talk to you about something, actually. It can wait until after Roman has his big day. By rights, a wedding day should belong to the bride, after all.”

“Oh? What did you want to talk about?”

“Let’s just say it’s about connections.” Logan gave Patton’s cheek a fond kiss. “I need to run back to the house really quickly. With all the excitement today, I forgot the very special bottle of champagne I had for the bride and groom.”

“I can go get it,” Patton offered, running one hand down Logan’s back with a smile.

“It’ll be faster if I do it. Fifteen minutes, tops.”

As he walked to his car, he was stopped when Barbara called out to him. “Hey, Logan! Hold up!” She paused by Logan, slightly breathless with a crying Lily in her arms. “I’ve got a cranky little girl here who won’t go down for her nap. Car rides always put her out. We can take mine, it has the car seat?”

“Sure. It’s going to be a quick run, though.”

“Oh, that doesn’t matter. She’ll be out like a light in a minute.” Barbara gave him a grateful smile as she expertly wrestled Lily into her car seat and started towards Logan’s house. As advertised, the baby’s head started to droop and she quieted before they even got out of Roman’s driveway.

“Works like a charm.”

“From what Patton tells me, it does the same for Thomas, too. She looks so sweet in her little pink party dress.”

“Everything looked so beautiful today! If Shir and I ever renew our vows, I want it to be just like that. Flowers, family and friends. I always thought I’d want a big church extravaganza, but this was so romantic.” Barbara said softly, smiling as she drove.

“It was just perfect for them. So nice to--wait. Slow down! Stop the car!”

“What? What’s the---oh my god!”

They both stared towards Minny’s Garden. Logan had closed for the day to allow everyone to enjoy the wedding. But someone, he could see, had been there. Someone still was. Several of the outdoor displays were overturned, and a car was parked sideways on the grounds, crushing one of the flower beds.

“Go. You and the baby, get back to Roman’s right now.” Logan said, reaching for the door handle. “Call the police as soon as you get there.”

“Don’t! Don’t go in there right now.” Barbara gave him a horrified look.

“It’s my place.” And he was already running.

A/N: Okay, here we are. This is the second to last chapter, and I'm so sorry I made you all wait this long. I hope the ending lives up to everyone's hopes. I'm sorry to say that I lost my tag list, so I apologize to everyone who was on it. :'( Also, there is no difference between this version, the Wattpad, and the Ao3 versions for this chapter and the next.

[commajade]

why are you not the president yet how does it feel to spend your days with a brain so big and ideas so good pLEASE WRITE THAT ESSAY I AM BEGGING

LOL i’m not the president because i want to topple the US government among other things but it is actually a curse!! so many good ideas! no manpower or time to bring them into fruition! 

what that taemin x jose munoz essay would be is about munoz’s concept of queerness as horizon (something that is not yet here) and queer time as opposed to straight time. it's about going against queer pragmatics and instead engaging the political imagination. i think ngda is the closest thing there is right now to a mainstream portrayal of a queer korean futurism.

"The poem speaks of multiple temporalities and the affective mode known as ecstasy, which resonates alongside the work of Martin Heidegger. In Being and Time Heidegger reflects on the activity of timeliness and its relation to ekstatisch (ecstasy), signaling for Heidegger the ecstatic unity of temporality—Past, Present, and Future. The ecstasy the speaker feels and remembers in “A photograph” is not consigned to one moment. It steps out from the past and remarks on the unity of an expansive version of temporality; hence, future generations are invoked. To know ecstasy in the way in which the poem’s speaker does is to have a sense of timeliness’s motion, to understand a temporal unity that is important to what I attempt to describe as the time of queerness. Queerness’s time is a stepping out of the linearity of straight time. Straight time is a self-naturalizing temporality. Straight time’s “presentness” needs to be phenomenologically questioned, and this is the fundamental value of a queer utopian hermeneutics. Queerness’s ecstatic and horizonal temporality is a path and a movement to a greater openness to the world. (Munoz 25). 

Munoz also describes queer ecstasy as "being marked by both self-consciousness and obliviousness, possesses a potentially transformative charge."

Things I could write a page about each:

Taemin's use of temporality, specifically queer temporal unity with a deliberate subversion of the linear:

1. the contrast of plato's theory of forms with a futuristic aesthetic is connected through a gay fashion designer's vision of an ecstatic catholic rave (Palomo F/W 2020). the motifs of the virgin mary, jesus, etc with the y2k futurist aesthetics.

2. and the form of the narrative is one of an epic poem, of orpheus descending into hell to save his wife or princess bari descending into the underworld to find the cure to save her parents.

Taemin and ecstasy:

1. As me and yaejin's post about the Palomo outfit says, "taemin said thotcrime jail is now GAY CATHOLIC RAVE". Taemin dismantles the panopticon! Taemin destroys heaven and hell to become one with nature!

2. How this ties into Korean communal musical practices for 5000 years, the practice of communal music spaces as places of untying han and instead creating generative catharsis and communal uplift

Taemin and possession:

1. I talked about this a bit already with my how is taemin korean ask but Taemin channels BoA, is momentarily possessed by BoA as a higher power when he lipsynchs her lines. But I wrote my senior thesis on how in Indigenous spiritual cosmologies, possession isn't a demonic thing of an act of owning and claiming the way it is in Western culture. It's about mutual responsibility to the spirit of the land/object in your care, stewardship and commitment and expectations of care. Through BoA's voice Taemin channels the "transformative charge" of queer temporality

NGDA is a uniquely korean, uniquely queer narrative of liberation that retools the imposition of western history onto the korean peninsula into a way to present a colonized queer korean reality.

https://emotionsblog.history.qmul.ac.uk/2015/05/david-byrne-on-music-ecstasy-and-catharsis/

This interview with David Byrne is also something I would use to contextualize the discussion of music, ecstasy, and catharsis and the globalization of pop music with its base in African diasporic music.

[fwakes31]

Placing Gar Saxon

First of all this is just my head canon and not fact.  This is my head trying to make a connection for my own fanfic, but I thought it was interesting so I thought I would share the connections that I’d made.

So...

I wake up most mornings with my brain bees buzzing about almost anything.  But lately it's been about Gar Saxon. (When it comes to research, and I can’t find an answer, I'm like a Jack Russell terrier- I won't let it go!  What can I say It's the dramaturg in me)

For weeks I've been trying to hunt down the origins of this character so I had something to base my own musings on for the fanfic I'm currently writing.

What I did know about him was that he appeared in the comic - Son of Dathomir, as I have this set and love it. 

What I didn’t know was that this was his first appearance (if you are to put content in story order not necessarily release order.)  That then answered my questions of ‘where is Gar Saxon in the Clone Wars’ before season 7 that is.

Well the personal mind blow I’ve had this morning (and this might have been done already, I don’t know) revolves around Anglo-Saxon Runes.  There is a Rune called ‘Gar’ it means ‘Spear’ and this is what it looks like…. 

Why I’m I telling you about Anglo-Saxon Runes?  Take a look at the symbol on the Unidentified Death Watch soldier who makes an appearance in several episodes of the Clone Wars.  

To me, in my humble opinion, that looks like half of the ‘Gar’ rune.  

So what wild theory makes me think this Unidentified Soldier of the Death Watch is Gar.  Well, the moments I want to focus on are in the episode Shades of Reason (Ep15 of Season 5) This Soldier is spotted standing next to Pre Vizsla in the throne room (just before Maul challenges Pre).

They then kneel when Maul claims the Darksaber, and are seen again with Almec at the end of the episode. 

 This, in my mind, is a character that is always following power, very much like Gar himself and how he becomes the Imperial Viceroy in Rebels by essentially not challenging but following Power (imo).

So Gar Saxon looks nothing like that in season 7 or Rebels!  I hear you shout.  Well no he doesn’t, but it’s not the facial model I’m going on but the potential symbolism of the markings worn on their armour.  This might be a stretch for some but here goes.

This is the Unidentified Death Watch soldier

This is Gar Saxon in Season 7

But this is the Gar Saxon pop - to me that looks like the same symbol of the UDWS.

But how does that translate to Rebels!  The armour has nothing on it!  I hear you shout again.  Again just my thoughts but… what if… and I quote “Saxon did not entirely abandon or disregard his heritage ... as the armour he donned, though of an Imperial motif, was composed of beskar as opposed to plastoid”

He didn’t abandon everything it seems.  My take (my thoughts, my wild theory - whatever you want to call it) is that the triangle on Saxon’s helmet is what is left, or the new form of the Clan Saxon Sigil. 

Wild maybe.  But Captain Hark in Rebels also has a symbol that could (if squinted at) call back to the UDWS that in my mind bears the mark of Clan or House Saxon. (The two lines and the two triangles, again just my opinion)

So there you have it.  Thank you for reading my, most likely misguided, musings that woke me at 6:30am this morning and has resulted in this.  Now I can go back to my fanfic and mention triangles on armour - (I think I need to have a word with myself and my brain bees……)   

[hazeism]

hello! Idk if you want to but if you’d like to explain more of your thoughts on villain Nanami? I know u drew that a bit ago but it’s still neat. Ty ty have a great day!

FIRST OF ALL hiiii <3 n__n as the little fairy living in your computer I love you personally and also let me out. Thank you so much for sending me this and giving me a chance to indulge, hehe.

I’m no good at, like, generating plot and timelines and stuff so I don’t really have much for him... just mostly about the dynamics I think he’d have with people (Getou mostly because I can’t help ittt) and his own weird brand of inner turmoil it’d give him... Going to get rambly here (not much of an explanation and more of a dumb, my bad, I’m not very good at like. coherent thought hdudhb, especially because I really like this concept and just have a lot of it in my brain which I’m not going to manage to get out here.) Watch out for lots of clauses inside clauses inside clauses, umm.

One of Nanami’s major motifs is definitely pragmatics//ideals in which he’s very measured and contemplative internally but very often goes for the actions that just offer like Standard Yield, you know. He’s very much (esp. when he was a salaryman) living just on the right side of tolerable and finding compromises and decisions that he can Live With rather than aspiring for anything, despite how much this puts him at odds with his strangely tender heart djgdhj he’s quite upright but doesn’t have an outlet for it so it manifests mostly in conformity and little allowances. King of compartmentalization.

I think in the interview, Akutami mentioned Nanami as having committed a workplace massacre, so that’s usually what I think of; This is one of those decisions in which, when straddling the line of pragmatics and ideology, he sort of just falls off and ultimately makes a decision--or maybe more an impulse, though heavy premeditation workplace murder Nanami is a veryyyy sexy concept--that is Not something he can Live With. I think that would probably mark the point where he’d have to completely reassess his character/self-perception in order to understand himself as someone not only Capable of committing such atrocities--not that Nanami has any strong belief in Human Goodness or anything like that, but he definitely understands himself as having some sort of moral order internally + having been allowed proximity to goodness in his youth (i.e. Haibara)--but having brought them to fruition and made Culpable you know.

Howeverrrr, he’s still very much too rooted in the material world to completely condemn himself, and instead would kind of resolve to. subsist. and like any base creature, sustaining subsistence is permissible at any cost: hence, joining Getou! The only semi-familiar stronghold of the Jujutsu World outside of the construct of the techncial college that would most definitely has his head.

I think he’d work as pretty much a hitman + Getou’s personal chewtoy on the side ajshdghj something in seeing his supremely stable and junior driven to such extremes by the condition of the world (an oversimplification and false attribution on Getou’s part, but, you know) ignites the fanaticism somewhere in him, something something about blurring lines and proximity and almost-maybe-etcs. sdhgd He’s not really looking to convert Nanami to his ideology or anything, I think he just likes to be close to him (+ he’s always been pretty doting with his underclassmen in that subtle way of his). This kind of closeness brings Nanami to examine and reframe some of Getou’s and his own past... something where he also recontextualizes the kinds of concessions that other people make to make their own existences Tolerable... But most of the time, it’s kind of just the same work > eat > sleep of his salarywork, except this time he doesn’t even hope for kindness from any source, cosmic, mundane, or otherwise (though I do think Getou is fond of treating him! Doting :) but I don’t think that necessarily makes Nanami feel good dhgbfhdj.) simply because he’s beyond the point of deserving...I don’t really know if he ever gets his sense of volition back, I guess it’d depend on a lot of stuff.

No happy endings here! Whoops. Post-Volume 0, I like to think that he’d taken something of a shine to the girls and maybe goes with them and looks after them. The thought is soothing to my heart... Despite how distant he gets from the idea of personhood and empathy, he’s ultimately. you know. Nanami Kento...

TLDR; Nanami makes bad decision and takes full responsibility like the big boy he is and gets thrown around miserably and voluntarily for the rest of his life over it. Whoops! Getou is the cat batting the ball of string and it is unraveling only a little .

I actually wrote a fic about him and that Getou dynamic hereeee (with more on the way, hopefully!) and you can find a playlist I’m working on for them heeere (warning for my weird music taste, lol).

I hope at least one thought in these walls of text were coherent enough to be worth your penny?

Thank you so, so much again, and I hope you have a lovely day :) If you have any followup questions or want to share your own thoughts PLZ plz plz feel free. I am actually actively encouraging it. kiss.