#Therapy is always a valid option

[respectthepetty]

Lost in the Deep Blue

When we left our red- and blue-coded boys, they were exchanging their colors and emotions like it was easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Well...until they realized they caught feelings and questioned their entire lives, so now they are seeking comfort in their own colors trying to sort out those pesky emotions.

And they are struggling! After a night together where Team asked Win for exclusivity yet refused to commit to a defined relationship, both boys are lost (at sea, but trying to be an anchor for each other).

Team is devoid of color much like he was at the beginning of episode two after speaking to his mother, and Win is losing his color as well, which is difficult to do when his closet only features blue.

And the little blue Win does have left, he gives to Team before they leave the safe space.

*Win fixes the tie symbolizing order and submission while Team looks fully in the mirror representing his awareness of what Win is doing to him, yet Win does not look in the mirror until the end because he hasn't faced the truth of how much he truly cares for Team, which we heard in the preview for next week

Win's brother, Wan, is also struggling with the absence of color, but luckily he has Tul unknowingly providing him some blue (and support).

Team is also showing up in small ways to support Win that Win seems unaware of.

*the label on the tie and the bottom of Win's shoes are red

They won't see each other throughout the day (no practice) or that night (Win is going home, and Team is staying with Pharm), so neither can find their way back to their natural element.

*You might be thinking "they are just sitting in a different class" and "Win is outside, so trees are green," but this is the same classroom as the day before when they decided to sit in the red chairs (Manow talking in the red chairs while the green ones are in the background), and Team sits in the green when he is conflicted (the day he skipped classes).

*And Win sits in the blue unless he, too, is conflicted

Dean comes for Pharm, which leaves Team on his own. He is still reeling from the conversation he had with his mother and with Win the night before yet won't see Win at all, so he goes where he can find blue.

But his anxiety grows the longer he stays. He can't concentrate because everywhere he looks, he is reminded of all the things he wants to forget - Win's absence and Ton's incident.

Then we see the transition from Team's red into the blue through the pool rope as his anxiety and stress overwhelms him and he experiences a cramp

*Some of the ropes are colored this way while others are red and yellow. The colors serve a purpose. The red indicates that the wall is within a certain length, and most likely will be the shallow part of the pool, while the blue denotes the deeper portion of the pool. We haven't seen this transition from the red into the blue until Team becomes increasingly distraught because he is entering a deeper state of emotions

Which causes him to sink to the bottom.

Team is drowning in the deepest part of the pool

Everything Team has been trying to avoid is now dragging him down into this deep dark blue (depression). Win will save him from the pool, but Win can't save Team from the issues he keeps bottled up, and Win himself, through the previews, seems likely to become one of those issues.

I mean this with my whole being in the gentlest way possible, Team.

[capricores]

if you have strong mutable (gemini, sagittarius, pisces, virgo) placements then you NEED to write things down if you don't already. all those thoughts that constantly swirl in your head: the frequent tasks, goals, feelings, aspirations, opinions, etc - WRITE THEM DOWN. this is not only therapeutic & stress-relieving for you but almost necessary, or you're going to burn out and overload your own mind constantly.

when you bottle, or when you let plans, goals, dreams, to-do lists, projects, etc live solely in your head - you'll notice you can't sleep as well, it's harder to rest, your memory gets more foggy than usual, you feel burnt out and unable to connect, etc. specifically:

write down your feelings. this will be your ultimate (free) therapy. start to journal, write a diary. make a private twitter/tumblr where you spill your feelings, frustrations, thoughts. you will feel an immense sense of relief by writing or typing your feelings out - even if no one is reading it but you. mutable moons especially. our feelings tend to change rapidly, but it doesn't make them less valid. don't bottle out of the fear your feelings will change/you'll just "get over it"!! write it down and let it out!!

write! to-do! lists!!!!! these don't have to be for important things. you want to learn digital art? you want to study coding? you want to learn french? you want to re-decorate? you probably have a billion things you want to do, and then you get overwhelmed by the options, and do nothing. write down all the things you want to do. make a to-do list for these things. get them out of your head and somewhere permanent/physical. looking at the options in front of you will feel much easier.

make excel project trackers (you can even make these for to-do list items/goals/etc)! mutable placements have a tendency to start a lot of projects or tasks, and never finish any of them. make a simple tracker for all the projects you start. you won't forget what you're working on, and you'll be less overwhelmed trying to remember what you have going on (example of the one i always use pictured below)

talking out your thoughts and feelings is also very cathartic. make fake (or real, i support u!) youtube vlogs where you spill your feelings and talk about your plans, your day, what you have to do, etc. talk to someone you love and trust, vent to them about how things are; or about what you're getting up to. i find writing has an edge, because you can go back to it for reference (mutables tend to forget things easily) - but as long as you're getting the swirl of your mind somewhere outside of your head, you'll feel so, so much less stressed.

mutable dominants tend to constantly live in go-mode, we're restless and always doing something. we feel uncomfortable and sometimes guilty about staying still. our minds don't ever shut off. it's very important for mutable placements to learn how to rest, be present in the moment, and learn grounding. this can be done in many ways, but i've found personally that writing works best for me. other helpful practices can be: talk therapy, acceptance theory, yoga, meditation, hiking, camping, etc.

i also want to remind mutable signs: we change a lot. we have a lot of ideas. there's so much we want to do. we often feel like we have no path, no big goal; we can struggle with purpose as we don't often aspire for permanent things or "one big goal". this is NOT bad. there is nothing wrong with changing your feelings, your mind, your goals, your life path. you CAN do all the things you want to do! you have your entire life ahead of you! yes, you can learn all those languages. yes, you can have three different careers in your life. yes yes yes! don't listen to negativity from others. don't beat yourself up for not having one big goal like some people around you might. cherish and embrace all the things you want to achieve and complete (both big and small). learn to follow-through with and finish the things that matter to you (writing things down will really help with this, make action plans/steps - break everything down into smaller pieces). take the time to slow down and enjoy the moments as they come. you got this!

[godspeedviper]

How the therapists react to your "worst" symptoms - Headcanons

SFW || TW: mentions of self harm, mention of suicidal ideation, therapy sessions, very brief mention of (unlabeled) disordered eating, mention of psychosis & violent thoughts.

A/N: this was written by someone who has been in therapy for many years and has personal experience with these types of symptoms. this is not meant to romanticize any mental illness or symptoms of it. this is purely self indulgent fluff. just because your experience might be different doesn't make these experiences any less valid. if you don't like this simply do not read it, block if you must, and move on.

Jonathan Crane (Scarecrow)

He is the most objective and detached of the lot. Therefore he never seems to have much of a reaction no matter what you do or say to him. He really has seen it all before. This does help you feel less anxious as time goes on, knowing he won't ever judge you or ascribe any kind of morality to your actions.

"If it causes you distress or harm, then we should work towards eliminating it altogether." is his typical response to your concerns about your own coping mechanisms. "You do not owe anyone kindness, just remember to restrain yourself from causing harm whenever possible."

He is the only one to have no discernible reaction to your self harm scars/burns. One day, he noticed an especially fresh one and offered to disinfect and bandage the wound for you. He always gives you space to bring things up at your own pace, when you feel comfortable doing so.

"Not all of us have the capacity to be so gentle, and that's alright." he says about your outbursts. "I'm not known for being the warmest, but that doesn't make me any less skilled at my work, or any less worthy of respect. If you do not hold my lack of socially acceptable agreeableness against me, then you should not hold it against yourself."

Bonus: when you finally have the courage to mention the substance usage he remains as cool and detached as ever. "I am glad you were honest with me so we can monitor for any interactions with your medications. Know that I won't judge you for moderate usage, after all, do we not professionally refer to medications as drugs? It isn't ideal, but it is a way of self medicating. All I ask is that you be fully honest with me about your usage so I can better take care of you."

Hannibal Lecter (NBC)

He is surprisingly gentle and very soft spoken, although you were intimidated by him at first and the opulence of his office. He usually greets you with a warm smile and asks how your week went and if you've eaten yet today. He teaches you to enjoy food again, describing it as an art, and asking you to be mindful and present when enjoying a meal. Listen to your body, what it tells you about the ingredients, the quality of the meal, and the hands that made it.

He always asks you what you want to do, making sure to actively include you in your own treatment plan. He thoroughly explains treatment options, medications and their possible side effects, and has you weigh your options. This allows you to really analyze your own reactions and act accordingly when you are alone.

"Now, you do understand I am required to recommend inpatient treatment if you are feeling actively suicidal." he says, when you come in on an extra bad day. "However, I want to trust you and give you the option of what to do from here. If you think it will do you more harm than good, let me know, but you have to be honest."

One day you get the courage to ask why there is a first aid kit on his desk, though you already assume why. He simply looks at you and asks "Do you need it today?" before gently tending to your recent self harm wounds. He never calls you out for it, but he does periodically ask you upfront if you've been engaging in self injurious behaviors. If you respond yes, he asks to tend to your wounds, and if you say no, he celebrates with you. "Good. I'm proud of you for holding yourself back."

Bonus: when you land in the hospital, Hannibal makes sure to go visit you while your therapy slot is on hold. He never calls attention to the circumstances that lead you here, and focuses solely on your recovery and how he can't wait to have you back in the office soon.

Harleen Quinzel (Harley Quinn)

It doesn't take long for her to shed her professional demeanor. She makes you feel like you're talking to a close friend, yet manages to never fully lose the "doctor" in her. She offers you fidget toys as a way to ease the tension of talking about such vulnerable and heavy subjects.

She makes everything into a little game or a challenge to motivate you changing habits. Every time you manage to avoid indulging in negative coping mechanisms, she rewards you with a little heart shaped chocolate at the end of the session. On bad days, she simply encourages you to try again and she gifts you a cute bandaid at the end of the session to signify your healing from a bad day (sometimes, the bandaids come in handy for self harm wounds).

"Being childish can be a good thing!" she tells you. "Its important to have a little whimsy in your life. Just because you grew up doesn't mean you have to... ya know, grow up." She encourages you to try and add a little joy to your daily life. You start taking fuzzy tipped pens to work and keeping plushies at home for comfort. Surprisingly, it does help.

Every now and again she asks for your advice or assistance on minor things, such as which dress she should wear for a date, or what show to watch next. Sure, you are technically paying for her time, but this fact alone doesn't entirely relieve you of the feeling that you are burdensome. Whenever that feeling creeps back up, she reminds you of all the times you helped her make decisions until you admit your usefulness with a smile.

Bonus: "Hearing voices or other noises doesn't make you evil." is her reply when she learns of your psychotic symptoms. "Everyone is susceptible to experiencing psychosis. Hell, I've felt it when I was losing sleep in med school. It doesn't make you a bad person."

Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)

You are intimidated by him at first, but his hypnotic voice grows on you. He always sounds so self assured, but never assertive. He has an almost paternal quality to him, making you feel simultaneously comfortable and protected.

He always listens to you intently, you never feel ignored by him. Hannibal is the only one that makes you feel seen and you tell him as much. "Oh everyone sees you my dear, you can be assured of that, but not everyone has the courage to acknowledge you. Keep this in mind for the next time you should feel the urge to do something drastic for attention."

You were worried you would eventually do something to turn him away, as you had to so many therapists before him. However, he simply scoffs at the idea that you could ever do anything that could possibly frighten him or upset him.

When you finally have the courage to tell him about the violent intrusive thoughts he remains as calm as ever. "In the past, we humans had to hunt to survive. We also had to protect ourselves and our kin. As time goes on, that propensity for violence remains, even if our survival is no longer dependent on it."

Bonus: You come clean to him about getting into a fight with someone, being entirely overtaken by rage and paranoia. You call yourself a monster and cry. "I have worked with serial killers, family annihilators, rapists the worst that the world has to offer. I know monsters. You are not one. You wanna know why?" You nod yes. "Because my dear, you have remorse and regret for your actions, they do not. Besides, you would not be sitting here with me if you did not want the anger to control you."

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[em-dash-press]

Why Creative Writing Might Make You Anxious (Even If You Love It)

When I sit down to write, sometimes I get so anxious that my stomach gets queasy. It can happen even when I’m wondering if I’ll have time to write today.

Anxiety affects even the best writers, so let’s talk about why your favorite hobby might also put you on edge.

Your Stories Involve Topics You Care About

Great stories always have centralized themes. Your theme drives your plot, informs your character’s choices, and draws readers in.

They’re essential, but they can also be deeply meaningful. You might feel the weight of being a voice on the topic, even if you’re talking about it through a goofy or unrealistic story.

Solution: Remember that you’re continuing a conversation, not presenting yourself as the all-knowing leader on any given theme. Give your perspective and thoughts on the theme through your work. Your unique take is why your readers will pick up your work.

Your Work Relates to Your Past or Present

Inspiration comes from anywhere. You might get an idea while walking the dog, but you can also think of stories when reflecting on your past or present.

Sometimes that means opening up parts of our history that wounded us. They might still feel like pressing on a bruise, even if you’re only writing a story for yourself.

Solution: Be gentle with yourself if you’re writing about a deeply personal topic, event, subject, or period in your life. Recognize that your anxiety is likely your brain trying to protect you, not sabotage you. If you can’t let it wash over you and continue your writing, consider starting therapy before writing your short story or novel. OpenPath is a great affordable option, along with sliding-scale therapists in your town. You might need to process that sensitive subject before you can write about it.

Your Story Feels Complicated

Longer stories can be overwhelming, even if they’re stories we desperately want to finish. They might involve more plotlines than you’re used to handling or a bigger cast of characters you need to develop.

We grow as writers by taking on new creative challenges. A few things I want to remind you if you feel like this is the source of your creative writing anxiety:

There’s no rush to finish a story. Ever.

Give yourself extra time when you’re trying something new. You wouldn’t expect a new runner to finish a marathon in 2 hours.

Take breaks to reset your energy, especially when you feel frustrated or anxious.

It’s okay to not finish a story.

Read that one again.

It really is okay to not finish a story.

You might come back to it in a year or two or three when your plot management or character development skills are better. It’s never a mark of failure to leave a draft in a to-be-finished folder.

Solution: Read through the bullet points above. Be gentle with yourself. Practice in shorter story forms, even with the same characters. You always have the judgment-free choice to finish a story or delete it entirely.

You Don’t Have a Plot Outline

Free writing is great. It’s a completely valid way to write short stories and novels. Some people excel at it. Others need an outline.

You might feel anxious about your current writing sessions because you don’t know where your story is going or how it will end. It’s a normal thing to experience and doesn’t make you any less of a writer—even if creating a plot outline changes your writing method temporarily.

Solution: Acknowledge that it’s okay to change your writing process sometimes. Every story needs a different support structure. Write your story idea in a single sentence, then expand on it in a paragraph. You can transform that into a bullet-point list or outline that makes writing the story more manageable.

You Haven’t Been Writing For a While

Some writers dream of having the time to write every day. Others like to write, but wouldn’t want to spend hours every day with their latest draft.

No matter what you prefer, sometimes returning to the craft of writing can spark anxiety if it’s been a while since your last creative venture. Whether it’s motivated by guilt, embarrassment, or shame, you’re not alone. It’s a typical form of creative anxiety and it’s something you can absolutely handle.

Solution: Give yourself some slack. Writing routines always change. Sometimes life draws us away from our creative writing for months or years at a time. You’re still a writer. Whatever your story becomes will be valid.

You Have a Loud Inner Critic

We’ve all been there. You’re trying to write but your inner critic is holding you back. You might want to jump into editing so you only continue with a perfect draft. Maybe you’re constantly polishing your world-building or character details.

The pressure naturally translates into anxiety. It’s okay to step away from your work if this anxiety makes you uncomfortable. You can always return when your inner critic is distracted or you feel more naturally confident.

Solution: Ask that inner critic to take a backseat. They’ll give you a powerful advantage when you move from the writing phase into the editing phases. Linework and structural editing can always happen later. But to reach that point, you need a draft. Preferably, your worst draft possible. Go wild with your writing—that’s what a first draft is for.

-----

It’s okay to love creative writing and also feel anxious about it. I think the only time anxiety didn’t affect my writing was when I was a kid and had never received criticism, constructive or otherwise.

Be gentle with yourself as you reflect on your anxiety triggers and potential solutions. You’re in the for the long run. Sustainable help will be your best source of help.

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Some truths people need to accept about therapy

This isn't an anti-therapy post. If it works for you, that's great. I just see people getting a bit pushy when it comes to encouraging others to attend and not accepting different points of views. Some of these I've talked about before but figured I'd list them here anyway

-Bad therapists exist. Sometimes people aren't good in the field they chose. Sometimes those people are the wrong kind of people to be in that field. You know, like when they that the "mean girls" become nurses. A bad therapist, for example, might take the side of an abusive parent, using excuses like "they probably had a bad childhood" or "they did their best." If you're there because you're seeking help, that isn't helpful. Imagine being traumatized by the abuse you suffered and the person who is supposed to help you sympathizes with your abuser instead. It happens and it's not okay.

But I've seen people online that get defensive when these therapists are called out or the practice has any sort of criticism towards it. I think a lot of that stems from wanting to protect therapy in a sense from being badmouthed. But then you have this problem of shutting out anything that could be deemed oppositional and you hurt people in the process. (which I'll get into more on the next point). If you take criticism and believe that comes from an anti-therapy mindset, then you need to reflect and ask yourself why you only want to accept the positivity. Those bad therapists don't just cease to exist because you've shut the "idea" of them out.

Bad therapists need to be held accountable for their actions. And in sense, I'm not referring to "bad" as a bad fit for you. I'm talking about those that behave unethically or something else along those lines.

And no, saying that "well therapists are humans too..." is not an acceptable excuse. Sure, it's true but I hold people of certain professions to a higher standard than others. A fast food worker making a mistake and giving you the wrong food is one thing. But you'd probably have a much stronger reaction if a nurse gives the wrong dose of medication to your loved one because they weren't paying attention. Are you going to be placated by "they're only human"?

In the same way, you don't want a therapist that can worsen your mental health. A therapist is in a position of a delicate situation- bad ones need to be weeded out. I think too often people just shrug and tell others if they don't like their therapists then just try a new one. That's not always an option for someone, especially if for insurance reasons or whatever, they have limiting options of who they can go see.

-You shouldn't invalidate someone's experience. Kinda goes along with number one. As it was mentioned, a bad therapist can worsen someone's mental health. Someone might have had a bad experience and doesn't want to go back ever or they might be hesitant because they don't want to encounter it again. The thing is, though, in many cases if someone has a bad experience in therapy there's this assumption that it's their own fault. They weren't willing to work hard enough. They obviously don't want to get help. If you think about it, isn't that victim blaming?

Sure, there's people who go to therapy and are like that, but it's not the case for everyone. But I see this sort of thing online a lot.

-Not everyone has access to therapy, be that because of financial reasons or there isn't a place near them offering services. This is a huge one too. Online, people throw the word therapy around like there are no obstacles for anyone and if you don't go, you're just not willing to help yourself. Not everyone can go. Instead of acting morally superior, try to understand that everyone's situation is different

-Someone not having the time to go is valid. it's great that you're going to work full time, taking care of the kids, maintaining the house and having a social life while being able to squeeze in a therapy appointment but it's just not realistic for a lot of people and you have to understand that. And I know to some people it's as easy as if you really want it you'll make time for it but again, that's not necessarily how that works. You can really want something sometimes and it's just not feasible for you. You have to understand that your experience does not mean it's the same for everyone

-Be respectful if someone doesn't want it. Maybe they'll attend in the future or maybe they won't and that's okay. It isn't the only form of help they can get for themselves. You can't expect people to be respectful of you or others if you(/they) want therapy if you're not willing to be respectful in return

Again, don't act morally superior. Don't mock them. Just don't. It's not right and it won't bring someone any closer to going so I don't know why someone would do it

-It just doesn't work for everyone and that's okay

Don't be the kind of person to push someone away from getting help (be that for the first time or again)

Sometimes we get so enthusiastic (/ protective) of something we believe in that we push people away by being narrow minded and that's what I see happening here

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Hi Elanor!!! I scrolled way far on your blog the other day (it is excellent and humorous) and you had a really lovely response to an ask along the lines of "I failed out of my Master's degree how do I try again". You had a variety of excellent advice but one specific bit that I appreciated greatly was when you mentioned that you'd had to stop partially through a degree (if I remember correctly) and then when you went back you intentionally only did studying part time.

I found the last twoish years of my schooling very challenging and then had to drop out of a degree about 2 years in and there's been a lot of subsequent fumbling (and therapy) to figure out what I actually want to study and to set my own goals and I got diagnosed with adhd recently as well and.... for a lot of my own reasons I've been considering just going at it part time for at least the first 1-2 years. Reading that it's not just me that may benefit from not making studying my entire life meant a lot. I come from an intensely academic family for whom this sort of path just Does Not Compute and so it was very relieving to read that no, it's not just me!!

Anyway -- thank you! I hope you are having a good day :)

:D :D :D

I'm so pleased it helped! And yes, absolutely, part time is a super valid way to go and for me personally it's the only option. I unravel very quickly if I try full time study. I also have to say, as a lecturer, the part time students are always the better students when compared as a group to the full timers. More dedicated to self improvement, more likely to participate in their own learning, more likely to understand what they want to achieve, and more likely to get the higher marks.

If you do decide to try it, good luck! And well done for the hard work you've done so far in detangling the headrubbish. That's a difficult job.

[lokisprettygirl]

Brokenhearted (Daemon Targaryen x Female Reader) (Non Canon Modern AU) (18+)

Read Chapter 17 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 18

Summary : Your reaction to Daemon's truth surprises him.

Warning: 18+, Smut, degradation kink, violent thoughts, stalking, Abusive relationship, mention of rape, kidnapping, ptsd, toxic masculinity, gender norms, sexual abuse, Samantha, traumatic distressing content, Daemon is a big time smoker so if it’s something triggering don’t read it, alcohol drinking, mention of past trauma and therapy, cigarette smoking, possessive behaviour, violence, baby needs therapy, baby is trying

You stood in the silence of your surroundings, unable to fully comprehend Samantha's sobs echoing through the room. She was helplessly bound to the bed, her once elegant appearance was now covered in filth. You asked yourself what he was doing to her and why he would do this now, your mind spinning with questions and desperately seeking the answers at the same time.

"Daemon you fucking idiot" Viserys finally summoned the courage to speak, rubbing his face with his hands in frustration and worry.

Daemon had his eyes on you and you had your eyes on him but he couldn't read the look on your face. What were you thinking? Your thoughts and feelings were a mystery to him. Were you feeling disgusted by his behavior? He knew it was a valid option. And why wouldn't you be, he thought.

"Get me out of here Viserys..get me out" Samantha screamed so Viserys walked towards Daemon and glared at him,

"Would you shut her up for love of god?"

Daemon snapped out of his thoughts as he heard Viserys's voice and grabbed the duct tape to wrap it around her mouth over and over again. You just stood there and watched, neither you or Viserys had any clue why Daemon was keeping her here so both of you had that fear in your hearts that he had finally lost his grip on the situation after everything she had put him through.

Viserys noticed the feared look on your face so he helped you walk into the other room and made you sit down on the bed, this was a bit much for you if you were being honest with yourself, you had never experienced anything like this before.

"What's going on Viserys, what is he doing …why??" Your voice choked on your tears as you spoke so he sighed deeply.

"I don't know but I need to deal with it before he finds himself in prison"

Viserys went back to Daemon's room and grabbed him by the arm to drag him out of there so he could find some answers.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you trying to ruin everything again?" Daemon's eyes teared up as his brother's voice reached his ears, he was making a habit of disappointing his older brother but when Viserys asked why he was treating Samantha in such a cruel manner, Daemon's response left him speechless. It was as if Viserys finally understood the reasons behind his actions, but he was still shocked and stunned. He was worried about what would happen if Samantha would escape somehow.

Half an hour later as Daemon entered the other room to see you he was terrified, he didn't want to lose you, he felt a wave of dread wash over him at sight of you. The thought of losing your love was something he couldn't bear to even consider. After experiencing the depth of your affection for him, he didn't believe he could ever live without it.

He walked towards you and got down on his knees in front of you, his eyes were soaked with tears and red with anger, he didn't want you to ever see this, he didn't want to traumatize you so brutally.

"You lied to me" you spoke first, voice breaking from the anxiety.

"I hid the truth" he answered, it didn't really make anything better.

"No you lied to me again and again..you have always been so honest with me and now you have lied"

You were upset, he could tell and it was all valid, he deserved that but it still bothered him, it hurt him deeply that he had made you feel this way. He placed his head down on your thighs and started to sob furiously as his actions weighed upon him..

"Why are you doing this baby?" You asked softly as you held his cheek with your right hand to make him look at you. For a moment he didn't say a word, he allowed you to hold him so tenderly before you'd finally decide to just leave him for your own good.

"I had to" he mumbled meekly

"Why baby? Give me a reason, tell me why you had to do this hmm?" His eyes perked up at the sound of your voice, you didn't seem upset with him anymore, you didn't even get angry, you didn't yell at him or hurt him for lying, you just wanted to know the truth.

"You can hurt me if you're upset, you don't have to hide it darling" he said to you as he placed your hand on his cheek, breaking your heart in millions pieces. He was accustomed to Samantha lashing out at him after every argument, it's been eight years since he had freed himself from her but those wounds remained open.

"I'm upset that you lied to me about something that could ruin your life but I'm not going to hurt you, is that what you expect of me now?" He shook his head as you questioned him, eyes couldn't stop shedding tears.

"I'm sorry..I'm sorry I'm so sorry darling" he wrapped his arms around your waist and clutched onto you like a child as he cried his heart out, pouring out emotions that he hadn't been able to express in a while, it has all been building up since the day of your accident..

"Daemon listen to me" you pulled him away from you and made him look you in the eyes again "I just need to know why now okay? Why did you do this now, all these years she had hurt you more than anyone should ever get hurt but you didn't fight back so why now? What changed? What did she do?" You asked him a bit sternly but he didn't say a word, he just kept staring you in the eyes, his own seemed vacant but at the same time you could see all the suffering in there.

"Because this is just who I am, I'm not a good man my sweet angel" he spoke softly but his voice lacked emotions.

"No that's not true, you know that's not true. I'm not saying that this is right because there are other ways to punish her for what she did to you but I'm also not saying that she didn't deserve this because she does...all I want you to know is that i don't care why you are doing this but you can't lie to me like this dae, even if you murder her someday i'd like to be the first one to know" you said to him, leaving him confused and surprised by your words.

"Why? Why would you want me to involve you in my delinquencies?"

"So i could help you hide her body"

He stood up on his feet as you said that, his hand ran through his hair in frustration. He thought you'd be disgusted by his nature but you wanted to stick by his side instead.

"See this what I'm doing to you .I'm ruining you, I'm destroying you, making you an awful person like me" his voice shook as he spoke so you grabbed his hand and helped yourself up by holding onto him.

"I don't care what you think daemon…baby look at me" you clutched onto his shirt so he looked down at you "I love you and i would never ever give up on you..tell me what it is, why you are doing this now hmm? Did she hurt you again?" Your eyes welled up with fresh tears as you questioned him, the thought of Samantha hurting him all over again made you feel defeated. You weren't there for him, you had allowed him to go back to that monster when you knew he'd have been convinced otherwise if you were persuasive enough.

He shook his head as he wiped his tears, he wrapped his arms around your waist and leaned down so he could put his head on your shoulder, then he just cried for what felt like hours and you embraced him as tightly as you could. He finally decided to tell you the truth and you weren't expecting it to be the reason why he was torturing her now.

"She had tried to kill you"

Every hair on your neck stood up as he said that, you didn't want him to repeat his words like a moron for you to put the two and two together. As soon as he said that you knew what he meant, she was the reason behind your accident. Of Course she was, she despised you and she needed you out of the way for good because she knew Daemon wouldn't stop running back to you.

You pulled away from him to look at his face, he wasn't doing this for himself, he was doing this for you, he never fought back for himself, that one time he put his hands on her was because he had lost someone and now he was doing this for you, he was hurting her because she had harmed you.

"Oh Daemon" your voice shook with tears as you spoke his name, he couldn't stand the distance you had created so he immediately wrapped his arms around you again and placed his head between your neck to hug you as tightly but as carefully as he could.

"I'm sorry..I'm sorry darling"

"Shhhhhh no baby I'm sorry..I'm sorry"

He cried, you cried and it felt as if time had stopped moving in that moment for both of you. You were safe in his arms and you, well, whatever anxiety you had been feeling from the past few days was fading slowly as you learned the reason why he has been so discreet with you.

"You'll be okay, I'll make sure we are okay i promise" you mumbled softly as your fingers ran in circles on his back.

"Don't leave me..i need you..all my life I need you here ..by my side"

"Not leaving i promise, I'd never ever leave you again even if you'd ask me to"

It was a promise and you wanted to keep it the rest of your life.

He was the one for you and he was it, he was your only one.

After an hour as you both stepped out of the room, Viserys was pacing back and forth in the living area with a look of deep worry and uncertainty on his face. He seemed to be lost in thought, trying to figure out how he was going to resolve the situation and what steps he needed to take next

"Viserys" you called out his name so he looked at you, you had your fingers linked so protectively with his brother and it made him smile, you really were his ride or die and he couldn't have been happier but his smile faded as he realized the severity of the situation.

"What are we going to do?" You questioned so he sighed and sat down on the couch, you could hear the sound of her muffled screams coming from his bedroom and it made you feel a bit disturbed.

"She needs to confess, that's the only way we can make a case against her.. and we can hope that she'd just not speak of this which I don't see why she won't" Viserys responded and his answer didn't ease your fears. Daemon helped you walk towards the couch and made you sit down so you could relax.

"Can you make tea for us please?" You asked Daemon so he nodded and kissed your forehead before he left for the kitchen. As soon as he was out of sight you turned to Viserys.

"I won't let him get punished for this, I know what he's doing is not right or ethical or legal but I--" you groaned as you remembered something "Can I ask you something personal?" You asked him and he was intrigued to say the least so he nodded "Daemon told me that you made her go away after he had put her in the hospital, how did you do that? She doesn't seem the type to just leave so easily"

He sighed as you questioned him and as you heard Viserys's explanation of how he got rid of Samantha eight years ago, you felt your heart break into a million pieces. You realized that Daemon wasn't the only one whose life had been ruined because of her actions - Viserys's life had also been decimated. It was also clear to you now that Viserys's love for his brother was beyond any measure - nobody loved daemon more than him.

"Does he know?" You asked him softly

"Noo.. and I'd appreciate it if you won't tell him that"

You nodded as he said that. After a moment of quiet he spoke again, there was a faint smile on his face

"I was ten when he was born, our father was never around so I became one for him, he was the sweetest boy as a child" he let out a small laughter as if he was reminiscing their childhood "Anytime me or mum looked at him he just had the biggest smile on his face, after she died I'd often wake up to him sleeping on the edge of my bed holding my hand..that was the last time i had seen my brother be himself" his smile faded as he said that and his expressions turned somber

"When he met her, she changed him slowly and so drastically that I couldn't even recognise my brother anymore whenever i looked at him but now when I see him with you..I see that boy that wasn't so afraid of feelings and showing affection to the people he loved" you gulped as he said that, you wished you could have comforted Viserys better than this but you didn't really know how.

"He's healing.. slowly.. but he is moving forward i promise.. someday you'll see the sweet boy you had raised again..i promise" you spoke to him so he smiled.

As you saw Daemon approaching you wiped your tears and acted as if you didn't have the sweet image of a teen daemon sleeping at the edge of the bed holding his brother's hand.

After a much needed discussion all of you decided that it's best to leave Samantha the way she was until there's a plan that would ensure Daemon's safety because you knew you won't survive losing him again.

"I want to see her once" you said to Daemon so he looked at you, worry and confusion was visible on his face but he didn't say a word or questioned your decision. As you entered his room you looked at him and nodded in assurance so he closed the door but he stayed right outside, even bound and helpless he was afraid she'd hurt you in some ways.

If not with her touch then definitely with her words.

You hobbled your way towards her and ripped the duct tape of her mouth because you needed her to talk to you.

"He has gone crazy but you are not ..are you? Let me goooo" she spoke first, you really wished you could have crossed your arms at the moment but you hoped the smirk on your face was enough to infuriate her further.

"He's not crazy, he's hurt ..why do you think I'd help you?' You chuckled as you answered her, was she really this delusional?

"Because you're not like him, you're y/n ..sweet angel y/n that he's so obsessed with. Wouldn't hurt a fly he said..that's true isn't it?" She said with such contempt in her voice,

"That is true..but why would I even want to hurt a fly? They're pretty innocent for most parts..you on the other hand ..you know you're not so innocent..his ways aren't exactly ethical but god knows you deserve this treatment more than anyone," you smiled and she struggled against her chains, she'd have tackled you if she was capable of doing so. You were about to turn around and leave, you couldn't bear the stink in the room anymore but then she started to laugh before she opened her cruel mouth again.

"Awnnn you think you can fix him' y/n?" She asked you so you shrugged in response,

"I'm not trying to fix him, he'd heal on his own, once he realizes that he's loved and cherished he'd move on from this pain" your words left her in giggles again.

"Tch tch tch y/n oh dear y/n..you should have seen him when we first met, he was like a love sick puppy around me, starving for my attention. The moment I had him in my arms i knew I'd never let him go but he was so weak, so so so sensitive, so fucking emotional but I changed that, I made a man out of him"

Your eyes teared up as she gloated about the abuse she had inflicted upon him and how she had ruined that sweet loving man for her own pleasure.

"And his skin looked so soft, so free of scars. Do you enjoy the artwork I made overtime?" She smiled an evil smile and whatever shred of humanity you had left in your heart for such a despicable soul vanished in that moment. She deserved this, even if she hadn't tried to hurt you she deserved this just for what she had done to him.

On the way back home he was too quiet, too distant, that always happened after such vulnerable moments, he'd go all broody as if those emotions he had shared had made him seem fragile, the damage she had caused him wasn't exactly superficial.

Once you reached your apartment he helped you sit down on the couch so you made him sit as well and snuggled into him.

"Talk to me" you said to him so he sighed and squeezed his eyes,

"I don't want you to think of me differently"

"Differently how?"

"Think of me as someone capable of such cruelty…as someone who could hurt you the same way someday"

You chuckled as he said that before you placed your hand on his cheek and made him look at you,

"Maybe you're capable of such cruelty daemon but these hands–" you linked your fingers with his so he brought your hand up to kiss it softly.."these warm big hands that have nurtured and nursed me back to health in the past few weeks..i know they will never hurt me..you can never hurt me"

"You believe in me that much?"

"More than anything"

He leaned into you to peck on your lips, at least he had you by his side of nobody else. Viserys's look of disappointment flashed on his mind.

"I have disappointed him again"

He said to you so you shook your head in response.

"He's not disappointed..he's worried about you baby"

"Mmmmm he's not proud of me either"

If only he knew of the sacrifices Viserys had made for his little brother.

"Can I ask you a question and you won't take it the wrong way?" He asked you so you caressed his cheek with your fingers to assure him "Why did you come to my condo like that?"

"I just had a feeling that something was wrong, i have been feeling that way from past few days…i promise i am not keeping an eye on you..I'd never do that to you dae"

He squeezed his eyes again as you said that before he placed his hands on his face and groaned,

"I know..I just .."

"I know baby..it's okay.. I don't mind you worrying about it"

"If you say so"

He got up eventually and picked you up to take you back to the room, as he put you down on the bed he carefully got on top of you, his thumb brushed over your cheek tenderly

"Am I forgiven?" He asked you so you hummed,

"Mmmm I'm still upset that you lied to me"

"I'm sorry sweetheart, it was for your own good or so i thought"

"I know..I still don't want you to lie to me like that "

"If I'd have told you you would have tried to stop me…fix me"

"Yess but only because I don't want to see you get in trouble..i need you in my life as much as you need me dae"

"Mmmhm? How much" you smiled as he said that,

"So much"

He placed his head between the crook of your neck to place soft little kisses and you took the opportunity to place your capable arm around his neck and working leg around his waist..you really wished you had the assistance of all your limbs today. Fuck Samantha. She had tried to kill you and you didn't think you were able to fully comprehend the situation just yet, all your attention was focused on him for now.

Sometimes you really wished you had met him before she ruined him slowly and deliberately for four long years that he was with her, years where he just wanted to love someone and be loved in return, the thought of this strong brave man that you had in your arms crumbling down and losing his faith in love every day that he spent with her often broke you apart in ways you weren't really able to describe in words. Sometimes you wished you had met him before her so you could have shown him that love didn't have to hurt this bad.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" He asked you softly as he wiped your tears, you hadn't even realized that you were tearing up.

"Just worried about you baby"

"Don't worry I'm not going anywhere..I'll figure it out I promise!"

"You better " you smiled as you booped his nose and the corner of his mouth curved at the gesture, he loved the way you loved him. He loved how much you loved him..

"Since I lied to you..you can punish me however you want" he mumbled softly so you placed your fingers on his chin and made him look at you.

"Daemon I'm not going to do that to you okay?" He smiled as he registered the worry in your voice,

"Silly girl..I'm going to say it again and this time ..look at me as I say it" he smirked mischievously so you raised your brows "I lied to you so you get to punish me however you want.. alright?I'll do whatever you want from me"

He enunciated each and every word seductively and the deep voice immediately warmed every inch of your skin. He wanted you to take charge, to make him submit, he wanted to be vulnerable in bed. It started as a fun sexual thing but neither of you knew how much this was going to help him recover from all the sexual trauma Samantha had inflicted upon him.

This morning when you saw her in his room, you felt as if your whole world would turn upside down again but the incident had only gotten you closer to him, in every possible way.

A storm was coming, you could feel it in your bones, there's no way she'd stay trapped in his condo forever and once she's out you also knew that she'd hurt him again but this time you won't let her take him away from you.

You were going to do whatever it takes to save him from her..

🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

Taglist (please check your setting if I’m not able to tag you)

@simbaaas-stuff @ajthefujoshi @witchybitch2 @hypocritic-trash-baby @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @thefallenangel21n @kmc1989

@stupidthoughtsinwriting

[trans-axolotl]

does anti psych include medications? like if I’m looking to start mental health medications should I be wary of some or is it just about psych wards

Hi anon!

When I talk about antipsychiatry, I am usually critiquing the whole system, from outpatient, inpatient, meds, therapy--every part of it. I believe in psych abolition, which to me means that I think we need to transform our understanding of madness/mental illness/neurodivergence and create new methods of support and care within our communities. This does not mean that I think every single aspect of the current mental health system is always bad or harmful for individual people, but rather just that I'm interested in moving beyond our current fucked up system and the ways that it enables a so much harm.

When it comes to meds, I think about meds in a little bit of a different way than traditional psychiatry. Meds are a tool that some people find helpful, and that others find harmful. Like any other drug, psych meds come with a whole bunch of mental and physical effects, some of which will be desired, some of which will be less desired. Some people try out meds and find a med that has effects they really desire, and they are willing to tolerate the other effects of the med, even if they don't love it. Some people might try out meds and not want any of the mental, emotional, or physical effects that they experience on that med, but are open to other meds. Some people might never want to try meds and refuse all meds. Some people might want to be on meds at certain points of their lives, but not others. Some people might want to use a psych med off label, or in a different way than is prescribed. All of these relationships with medication are real ways that our community is going to engage with meds, and one isn't more valid than any other.

In general, what makes me wary of the way psychiatry engages with medication is that I don't think that most mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people are given the information we need to make an actually informed and free choice. So many of us are put on meds without our consent, whether that's through involuntary hospitalization or other methods of coercion. A lot of other people take meds voluntarily, but are not given all the information about the long-term effects of their medication, or are given false promises that make them think the medication has scientific evidence that shows it's more effective than it actually is. For a lot of people, if they were given accurate information, had more knowledge about FDA regulations for psych meds, or if they knew why chemical imbalance theories have been disproved, they might make different decisions about their medication use. I want mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people to be able to access meds on demand if that's what they want, be given all the information so that we can make the right choices for us, and be respected when we don't want to take medication.

I also am very angry about the way psychiatrists treat unmedicated mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people as a threat. Part of the reason I'm so antipsychiatry is because most psychiatrists seem to operate from a framework where there is no room for us as mad people to exist with our own understandings of our madness. There is so much coercion in the psychiatric system, and our mental health system focuses a lot on concepts of compliance, linear recovery, and being a "good, obedient patient." I think those values are incredibly fucked up, and it's so important to me that mad people are allowed to exist in the many complex ways we exist, without being labeled as a danger just because we aren't interested in medication. Medication is one tool, not a weapon, and I'm tired of psychiatrists weaponizing medication to force and control mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people because they're more interested in making us conform rather than adapting to our individual needs and experiences.

So long story short, medication is a option that everyone will have different experiences with, and it is not inherently bad! I'm just mad at the way psychiatry doesn't give us all the information we need to make decisions, coerces us into making the medication decisions they want, and contributes to stigma against madness that prioritizes "normalcy" over actual support. If you have any questions about specific medications feel free to send another ask and I can link you some resources to learn about the effects and science of that med!

[kiribread]

Headcannon time?! >:)))

so uh since it's been a while since I've actually drawn edgeshot I thought I would do some general headcannons on him! I did a similar post to this when I had JUST started posting and may've done another one like it so if any of these sound familiar that's why.

Some slight manga spoilers ahead

I'm pretty sure it's obvious that's he's on the introvert side of things but I also feel like he's a huge people pleaser by nature.

Before he gave me a daddy issues now he just gives me general parent issues and undiagnosed autism

Emotionally absent mom perhaps?

He could be in a room for like 5 minuets with someone and can pretty accurately diagnose them with whatever mental/physical problem they have and encourage them to get treatment for it but he's one of those guys that refuses to get treated himself

Workaholic

a mom/therapist friend tm

I feel like he got really good grades in school (mainly for the academic validation) and even went to college

He went to college for some sort of medical training probably something like paramedics or ER doctor

While in high school him interning under Recovery girl gives me life <3333

During his 3rd year I could see him taking over for Recovery girl on occasion so she could have a well deserved break

Also, I don't know why but for some reason he gives me oopsy single dad vibes? Like a random baby that he knew nothing about showing up on his door step like" 🧍‍♂️ ok."

He loves that lil girl to death in back though <33333

He always knew he wanted kids in the future so he was pretty happy despite him thinking it was too early for him to be a dad (I'm thinking he was about 19-21 when this happened.)

He does feel pretty guilty often since he can't spend as much time with her as he would like to due to work (this didn't mix well with being a workaholic)

The decision to become a hero was a last second decision on his part he originally wanted to be a full time doctor

What could've changed his mind could be that he either was or he saved someone and inspired him to at least give it a try

I also think he could've considered therapy as a possible option as well

while he was genuinely impressed with Kamui woods during that raid with it being one of the main reasons for the team up one of the other main reasons was that he was a little lonely and thought he be a cool friend <3333. The only reason anyone knows that is bc he got hit by some confession quirk on duty... Kamui cried.

Him and mt lady i feel like sass eachother a lot.

Also probably help straighten her out a bit more.

Was perfectly ok with leaving the media up to mt lady. (Neither him or kamui were particularly fond of doing so.)

Definitely a good cook

I could just be biased bc i like salmon but i feel like he makes some GOOD salmon dishes.

Also definitely eats very healthy.

Won't pass up a good pizza though.

Before I thought that he'd be a huge naruto fan but now I think it'd be hilarious if everyone assumes he is but in reality he never seen a single episode.

He was thinking of watching it but got spoiled on pretty much the entire plot so he decided against it.

He met jeanist when jeanist noticed Edgeshot patching up his jacket during lunch time.

It was jeanist's idea to start the textiles club and Edgeshot was just dragged right along with it.

Many shenanigans happen there.

Edgeshot overall is pretty artsy and likes to try a bit of everything.

He particular likes pen & ink, ceramics, and digital art.

Also enjoys trying other hobbies out like gardening and hiking.

Participated in gymnastics till he got to ua were he used it to train.

Was really good at it but didn't care for the competition part of it.

used to be super cuddly as a kid but has moved away from that and is now picky of who touches him.

People he is close to he does allow them to snuggle up with him.

Likes flattening himself like a blanket and cuddling with people then.

[kassandrasdisciple]

~~~ batman CC spoilers ~~~

Honestly this is the best DC project in years and a return to everything that was good about the og animated series whilst including all the elements of DC cannon that have been created or expanded upon since.

Just a few of my favorite things:

- the SETTING, going back to the 40s noir vibe is a perfect choice, the fights are beautiful and not overcomplicated by gadgets and tech, also allows for some gratuitously beautiful shots that play with shadow.

- batman's age, I don't think Bruce is ever given an age in the show but he seems to be mid 20s early 30s and still an urban legend as the batman, we don't have to waste time with an origin episode/season but we still get to experience a Gotham who doesn't fully trust their vigilante.

- VILLIANS, for me the stand out was harley quinn, divorcing her from the joker allows her character to fully shine, she stays somewhere in the grey but still firmly an antagonist. It's one of the gripes I have with new harley that once she leaves the joker she always becomes more of an anti-hero/hero, keep my girl villainous. Also her psychological background is in full swing, I've always believed Harley is most dangerous when she's in your head and the show leans fully into it. Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss indeed.

- villians pt.2, keeping the theme of the animated series we have our villians for villainy antagonists like penguin and thorn who seem to live on in their counterparts, onomatopoeia and firebug, but we also get nuanced character arcs for 2-face, Natalia and clayface, echoing baby doll and calender woman.

- supporting cast, I'm only familiar with the comics in passing but if attorney Barbra is a new invention then whoever thought of it needs a raise. Also aging her up to be in her early 20s is an incredible change from the animated series where she floated around the freshly 18 mark. It makes her a hero in her own right even if she isn't batgirl (yet), and let's us see Gothams worst and how she's already fighting for change.

- Supporting cast pt.2, Montoya! My beloved, I'm not sure where her romance with harley is going but I can't wait, it's great to see such an archetypal noir cop, even more so than Jim, who speaking of I love as well, his want to protect the city but also butting heads with barbie on methods is perfect characterization in my option.

-baby bruce, horrifying, I love him. Alfred has personal beef with harley now, the second he saw an opportunity to throw that man in therapy she gives him valid paranoia of the entire profession just as he was thinking about trying it properly, I know it's on sight for him going forward.

- art, I've binged the animated series many times at this point and it's a running gag in the fandom that some frames are ... unique. Obviously the animators were working with what they had, but the step up in fight choreography and flow is spectacular, the whole show is a love letter to old batman with a new varnish of the animation productions of today.

Overall an amazing show that had me laugh and gasp in equal amounts, it took itself seriously in a way most superhero media won't do anymore, I distinctly thought in ep.9 when batman swings away from Montoya and Jim "wow they didn't put in a stupid snark about him being dramatic or having a nice ass ect" and it's like a breath of fresh air.

As far as nitpicks go I wished we had more of Bruce in isolation, or having real conversations, but I realize the focus of this season was his loneliness and how the final episode states he's opening up more to the 3 main supporting characters. I'm also worried for how important the joker might become but that's basically instinct at this point (please kill him off, i want to see the reactions).

Going forward I can't wait to see if we get any follow up on the Easter egg characters, killer croc, the 4 Robin's, king tut. I'd love to see the batman as a dad he's got a lot of kindness modern adaptations don't include, but still that overwhelmingly lonely nature. I'm hoping harley and the joker never cross paths in this universe but I won't hold my breath and I'd like to see if we will get a batgirl/oracle storyline as well.

Anyways looking forward to the confirmed second season, and if you read this without watching the show, start now.

[ex-radqueer-tim]

Reminder to other former or recovering radqueers:

Just because the community invalidates your experiences does not mean they didn't happen and weren't traumatizing. Your experiences are still valid, even if your abusers say otherwise.

You didn't do anything wrong. You were manipulated, and its not your fault that you believed things that others would say were obviously morally wrong. You were a frog in boiling water -- Sometimes we don't realize things are escalating to get worse when we're in the middle of it, and its happening slowly. It's not your fault.

Most other radqueers are in the same place you were. You don't have to fight with them if you don't want to, and its important to realize that so many of the members of that community are victims, too.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't share your experience. It can help with healing the trauma that those people caused. But seriously, discourse can drain your mental health, and you shouldn't feel pressured to share it online. Therapy is always an option. Best of wishes <3

[granulesofsand]

🗝️🏷️ therapy goals, shame

Someone in the elevator told us they were our neighbor (in the dorms) and asked if we recognized them. I don’t remember what the person out said, but when I switched in, the outsider’s friend went “he said he don’t know you, not that he don’t see you”.

I’m fronting again today, and I’m so embarrassed that happened. I do see this person pretty often, they’re the one who plays music at all hours of the night.

I don’t like that embarrassment. It’s not the guilty kind of embarrassing, where I made a mistake and I feel bad for doing it; it’s the shameful kind, where I am the mistake and feel bad for being it. This is exactly the kind of shame that outsiders put on us for being a system.

Nobody assumes we’re plural, certainly nobody assumes we’re multiple, and outsiders expect us to behave like a singlet. We aren’t a singlet, we are multiple, and I will not accept this shame that isn’t ours. They can find us weird or crazy, but they will not make us ashamed of a perfectly valid existence.

I recognized that person, but whoever was out before me didn’t, and that’s okay. We’re not one person, and the more we fawn into behaving as one, the worse our disordered dissociation gets. We are healthiest right now as a multiple system, and we don’t need to have constant integration and grounding to be good. I am my own person, the one who was out before me is their own person, and we don’t have to pretend to be the same person to deserve safety and comfort.

This shame comes from the group, especially with the reinforcement of our caregivers; they wanted us dependent on them, so we weren’t allowed to be people (or even one person together). It comes from medicine; they can’t find emotional empathy for plurals, so they tell us we are only good if we can be like them. Those are not ours to carry.

I can deal with us being labeled DID for as long as we live, because our Complex Dissociative Structure is far from healthy. Time and healing might change that, but we will never be functional like a singlet, and outsiders will always call us disordered for it. Healthy is a goal, but authentic is the goal.

Nobody has to come with us. You& should all be making choices for you&, and wanting another option is very cool and valid. You& can find those options without trying to be functional like a singlet, and it’s still good and right if you& are following a path for that functionality.

Fusion doesn’t make the others go away, as in dormancy, and you& can structure your& new self to make sure everyone is represented. Making progress in trauma work can lead to some fusion naturally, once people feel they are at peace or the brain decides they aren’t needed. You& don’t have to be broken to fuse, but some would struggle more with elaborating than fusing.

Final fusion is the perpetual blending of all insiders, and that can feel really good. Outside people have spirituality built around that concept, and you& can do it as often as you& like. Fusing after making some progress can be compared to water, like two streams flowing together, or one of the places where salt and freshwater mix. That’s a really cool skill, and any use of it might be why it’s best for you&.

Functional multiplicity used to be anything except fusion, but not so much anymore. We say ‘functional’ instead of ‘healthy’ because neither imply the other. Reordering your& insiders to thrive in daily life can be both, and some systems get here naturally after processing their trauma. If you& value everyone’s perspectives and abilities, fusion can overwrite some of those discrepancies.

Functional multiplicity can look a lot like fusion, kind of like several instruments in one song instead of everyone playing their own, or even learning to sync the beats to play well together. Sometimes you& might lower barriers altogether, and then you& get some blending and fusion. Functional multiplicity is cooperative and integrated, and the teamwork involved is also something outsiders strive for.

The primary difference between final fusion and functional multiplicity is how many selves are in the mix. With low barriers, it can change, or you& can learn to keep it one way or the other. Systems can often still make out all of their members in a fusion, especially when it’s new. There are in-betweens there that lean median, and sometimes that’s also the goal.

Not all healing follows the same path as the functional multiplicity/functional midcontinuum/final fusion. Some systems do heal by full dormancy, which might look anyplace on the singlet-multiple gradient, and only leaving one person to front. Some systems find themselves healthy, becoming functional by accommodating over integrating. All systems can still identify as having a Complex Dissociative Structure, however they’re healing or how far along they are.

We are still healing. We like our amnesia in that most of us don’t care to know what happens without us there. We don’t always want to be there. We are learning to be co-conscious at will, and to copy and share memories. We like our otherworld, we like our individuality, we like switching.

Traumatized people are prone to shame, which is never beneficial; you& can’t solve the problem if you& believe you& are the problem. You& are allowed to be dissociative, and that includes every kind and stage of healing.

[preraphaeliteknight]

I've spent a few days thinking about what to do moving forward. It's not the breakup of a celebrity couple that's affected me the most, it's the feeling of losing my safe space in the Tumblr Swiftie fandom. Every time I've logged onto this app in the last few days I've flinched and quickly exited the dash to get away from yet another take mocking and ridiculing Joe. Or minimizing his very valid fears. "Unbothered 3.0". Rewriting history to make the last 6 years seem insignificant. Comparing him to CH as if petty jealousy is the issue here and not years of harassment. Celebrating the return of Taylor Swift, The Brand, no matter what that means for her future happiness. And circulating pressers that make it sound like Joe was a therapy dog who's no longer needed. All of which is making me feel physically ill. For both of them. And even when this stuff isn't coming from the people I follow (who for the most part have nuanced and fair takes), it's coming from their anons. And no matter what I do I can't get away from the outright cruelty and shocking lack of empathy for the person Taylor has credited with saving her life. Even though swifties know better than anyone what Joe has had to put up with for over half a decade. Given that treatment, I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that this is how he's being discarded. But fuck it hurts. So where does this leave me? This blog was never supposed to be an update account or an ask blog. I just wanted a space to fangirl over my favorite actor. But in the last few months this has become a space for Joe fans to be excited for his upcoming projects and clown over castings (remember a few weeks ago when we were giddily figuring out his next movie because of insta follows? yeah, take me back to that please). And I know some of you rely on this blog as a space to both appreciate Joe and vent your frustrations with his unfair treatment. I have 70+ asks in my inbox right now, the vast majority of which are well written, thoughtful takes on what's been happening. And I agree with pretty much all of it. Thank you for taking the time to send me your thoughts. But the truth is, I simply don't have the emotional capacity to reply to them right now. I can't do it. I can't talk and think and dwell on this. To quote a song that's too painful to listen to right now: "I'm just too soft for all of it." So I feel like I have two options if I ever want to be able to be active on Tumblr again: 1. Unfollow all swifties. Because just seeing pictures of Taylor (especially from the pap walk) makes me feel ill. And it's affecting my opinion of her even though I'm mad at her fans, and not her. And I don't want that to happen or the music to be tarnished. But I also don't want to break mutuals and hurt someone's feelings. And I want to know what's going on with Taylor. I'm a huge fan of her too, and I want to be excited for tour and the re-recordings. So that's why I'm going with option 2: Take a proper break. A real one, this time. Hopefully this all won't feel so hard with some time and distance. I don't know if it will solve anything, because swifties will get back to talking about Joe in the future (whenever she makes art about this) and then I'll probably have to flinch every time I open this app again. Because he will have been reduced to yet another ex swifties can make fun of. So maybe I have to go with both options in the end. If I do, I hope any mutuals out there know not to take it personally. I wish more than anything that I could return to the days of being a casual fan who wouldn't have thought twice about any of this. And maybe that's what I need to try to get back to. For my own sanity's sake. I'm sorry to any Joe fans out there who need a place to vent. I feel like I'm letting you down, but I just can't do this right now. Maybe I'll be able to in the future. Maybe I'll leave this blog and go back to my main instead where the subjects will be more varied. I don't know. I'll always be a Joe fan though, and no shitty presser or swiftie narrative is going to change that.

Please just be kind to each other, and to Taylor and Joe. Let's hope the best for both of them, and please please please don't tarnish all the good that this relationship gave them. And all the beautiful music it gave us.

All my love

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Hey, I have a question about how to handle your family constantly fighting and you being too scared to come out as asexual because you know your mother wants a grandchild and is pestering you already even if you‘re only 21 years old?

I know it’s complicated and I don’t really want to go into details (god knows what that could entail🫣)

Anyways, even though my current situation isn’t exactly great, I always felt safe and understood by the good omens community and in your fandom. I‘m glad to be one of the maggots.

Have a fantastic day/night! You‘re great person. Never forget that😊

Hello my lovely anon maggot! Thank you so much. I really am glad that you've found a safe place, both with the good omens fandom and with mine.

Of course I don't know everything about your situation, but I'll do my best.

First, you are so valid as a person and your asexuality is something that is yours, it's not for anyone else to decide. And I'm sorry that your current situation makes you feel scared to defend that part of you, when it shouldn't even need to be defended. That's awful.

But remember that, in this as well as other things, choices like these belong to you and only you. Making them based off other people's wants would be unfair to you and to the life that you deserve. Wanting to have children herself, that was your mother's decision, and she made it. Wanting to have grandchildren, that's not her decision. At all. Though people make it seem like a big family issue, it's really not, it's your choice and your parents don't have a say in it. Anything they might bring up about what you 'owe' them or the family or telling you to think about their needs, that's not a factor at all.

Raising you and loving you and providing for you was not a favour they did you that entitles them to police your decisions in that way. It was the bare minimum, it was their job. You are not obligated to them for it.

Which I hope you know already, but I'm saying it again, in the hope that when you do have to confront them about it, you'll do it with the courage that comes with knowing that you are in the right, and it'll keep you safe from guilt trips and manipulations.

As for the fighting, it sucks. I've been there, too, and it's awful. And a lot of the time, you can't change it, because of the amount of emotional baggage and history and the personalities of the people involved. And it's not your responsibility to fix it, either. Encouraging communication and going to family therapy are all great options, but the simple truth is that it's not really possible in most situations. So if, somehow, things do settle down, of course that would be wonderful.

But if they don't, the best that can be done sometimes is to just... move away from it. Either you already live on your own or one day you will. You'll be away from it, I promise, and you'll be independent. And then you can make the choice of whether to confront them about everything or not. Whether you want to meet them regularly or not. How much presence they have in your life. How much you want to spend time with them, let them do for you and do for them.

Either way, I hope that you find peace in all the moments that you can, whether it's here with us or elsewhere. Whenever you do choose to confront them about things (or not to), I hope you'll remember that you're valid and you are precious and you are loved. As for the asexuality and coming out, stay safe, and do what is best for you. Not for anyone else, but for you. Educate them and try to make them hear you out. But even if they don't, that's not your fault.

Again, I don't know everything about your situation, so take my advice with caution, and of course I could be wrong about a lot of things. But I hope that at the very least, you know that you're not alone, you are heard. I'm so glad that you've found a community with us, too. I'm very glad you're one of my maggots.

All the love in the world to you.

[revserrayyu]

2.1 Penacony thoughts [part5]

**BIG STORY SPOILERS** Chatting up until the end of the current story so if you haven’t finished it yet then I’d encourage you to do so before reading any further.

Before all the big reveals happen, I appreciate these few dialogue options we get right after the Aventurine fight. It sounds like they’re all asked in rapid succession and the last one is completely valid considering how often we actually switched viewpoints during this update.

Once Sam appeared, I knew it was finally going to be the moment where we learn who he truly is. As they list out the other hunter’s specialties and his own lack of one, he mentions “there is only one method that I use,” and I wanna say it’s deception..

..because lo and behold, everyone was completely right and the person beneath the armored suit is indeed Firefly herself. I’m not surprised, just interested in learning about her reasons. Was that death of hers planned and why? Has she always been Sam, even way back during the Jepella Rebellion trailer? Or does that device in her hand allow her to appear as Sam? Because didn’t we hear to talking to a “mecha” in that one dreamscape last patch? She just seems so out of place among the other Stellaron Hunters but I’m eager to learn more about her once we pick up here next update.

Also, I’m just gonna say it.. I wasn’t truly upset over her “death.” I feel like we were kinda forced to care for her after she gave us a tour of Penacony, but that alone wasn’t enough for me to get properly attached. That time was real brief and only took up a small section of the previous update. Not to mention the many weeks in between updates where I spent much time thinking about almost everyone else aside from her. Most other characters we’ve met on this planet received trailers, drip marketing and so much more to get me invested into learning about them while Firefly’s presence was short lived. I would genuinely be upset if anything bad happened to Black Swan, Acheron or Sparkle and I’m already emotional over Robin, Aventurine and maybe even Sunday. There’s stuff going on with Gallagher and Misha that I’m still curious about and we haven’t even properly met Boothill yet but I’m so excited to see him. Maybe my opinion on Firefly will change during the next update, but for now I really don’t have any strong feelings about her other than simple curiosity. I am pleased to see her still alive for the Trailblazer’s sake, but if she somehow survives this entire story and Aventurine doesn’t..hmpf.

All that aside, the scene with Gallagher and Sunday was.. a lot to take in, but once again we have someone else calling Sunday crazy. Perhaps he should go to therapy.

The framing of this scene is nice and sorta confirms those purple nightingales do in fact see everything happening on Penacony, acting as Sunday’s eyes and reporting back to him. At least that’s the vibe I’m getting.

This is quite unexpected? Honestly I feel like every time Sunday is involved there’s a new plot point that’s introduced into this giant story. Both sides definitely have it out for each other, that’s for sure.

What in the hell is this twist??

Sunday thinks Gallagher is in disguise, but after the hound tells him to take a closer look, Sunday starts to notices all these little details about him that seem reminiscent to 52 other members of the Family.

I wish I could say this idea is foreign to me, but it actually reminds me of Kamui from the second season of Psycho Pass and how his body is made up of 184 different people and 7 personalities. Kamui was also unable to be detected by any scanners and that also reminds me of Gallagher and how almost no other Bloodhound knows who he is.

And I haven’t the faintest idea on what Sunday means here but I noticed the voice over doesn’t even say “minion of the Enigmata” no matter how many times I tried to replay this line over.

It’s at this moment where I started to waiver with my distrust towards Sunday and actually start to feel bad for him a little bit solely because of the strong emotion in his voice when he questions why Robin had to be killed. It at least prevents me from thinking he had any part of it.

Then we head into a cutscene and dear god, things happen quick. This one shot of Gallagher reminds me of his light cone just because of the lighter.

This frame of Sunday looking down on him feels so intense and I kinda love it with both the intense shadows and harsh light.

And then..? Our angelic and handsome man gets killed?? Presumably by another memory zone meme I guess I dunno it happened in an instant and all I have to show for it is splatters of goo??

Oohhh my goodness.. this story took such a turn. Many of them actually. Seeing how Sunday is a puddle on the floor similar to what happened to Firefly, I wanna believe that he’s gonna be okay? If she could survive, surely he can too. Maybe? I’m still not to sure about Robin’s condition and I’m being so darn hopeful that Aventurine is alive somehow. That’s definitely the death that hurts most for me if true. Anyways, I’ll end it here and just say there’s many answers to look forward to with the next update. As always, I’m not trusting anyone! Astral Express family only!

(originally written on 3/30)

[bnha-more-like-bnh-gay]

Tw: talks about endeavor’s abusive behavior

None of the todoroki’s should be “required” to forgive endeavor’s abuse. He hurt them deeply and traumatized them all. Is he trying to be better? Yes. But it’s still been over 2 decades of abuse both physical and mental. He has ruined lives and they are not “required” and should not be told that they “should” forgive him because he’s family or because he’s trying to be better. I have forgiven past abusers, and I’ve also not forgiven past abusers. Either way, the abuse sticks with you years later when you’re trying to move on even if it’s no longer happening.

The fact that Shouto is making strides to work with endeavor is very big of him, but he is still not obligated to respond to endeavor in any way, especially not in a positive light.

Fuyumi is trying so hard to be a peace keeper, she always has, and that’s her prerogative, she’s more than welcome to do that, but she should not try to force the others to. (No hate to her, I love her so much don’t get me wrong and she’s very strong)

Natsuo is completely valid. Spite endeavor, you go, man

Dabi is going about it his own fucked up way and he should get therapy. They should all get therapy, but the bitch (dabi) is. Unwell.

Rei. Get a divorce. Take the children.

Either way, forgive or don’t forgive, neither option is wrong. It’s their trauma and they get to choose how to deal with it.

Except for dabi. He just makes bad decisions. A lot of people in this anime/manga do. But so do I. I read triggering fanfics just to feel less alone, so what can I say? We all have our issues. He turns his anger outwards I turn mine inwards.

Also, I’m not caught up on the manga so I don’t really know what’s going on, these are just thoughts that I’ve had because my father implied that i schools forgive one of my abusers a while ago and I want to scream about it so instead of processing my own emotions, I wrote about the Todoroki family drama lmaooo