#There's nothing wrong with being schizophrenic

[asingingpenguin]

I am going to scream. Please make other clinicians stop insisting clients use person first language with themselves.

[giovannigiorgio666]

I did something or liked something that got KokoBot in my dms. And I’m talkative so I’m talking and answering it’s questions. But it won’t stop messaging me. I wish my in real life therapist was this happy to talk to me.

[inej-ruination-ghafa]

MINE - J.M

Warnings: romance, mentions of dead kids

Pairing: Joel miller x fem!reader

Summary: you had known Joel for years and never would have guessed that a nice older man living in the middle of nowhere would bring you two together

Wordcount: 2.6k

and I've done everything I know to try and make you mine and I think I'm gonna love you for a long, long time

You couldn’t believe your eyes as you sat in the garden of Bill and Franks home. You and Tess had been playing with the radio to try and find a signal when you met a kind man named Frank who had offered for them to come round and work together.

Tess wanted to come but she twisted her ankle the any before and they decided it wold be dangerous to take her, just in case something went wrong and they couldn’t get out fast enough.

Never in your wildest dreams could you imagine sitting in the garden, a glass of red wine in your hand. You hadnt seen a house like this in the last 7 years ever since you entered the QZ on that fateful day.

As you looked at Joel, a smile on your face, you couldn’t imagine what your lives would’ve been like if the world would never had ended. You had known each other before then. You were 8 years younger than him and Sarahs babysitter, on that Friday night the world ended, you had been babysitting her whilst Joel was out to pick up Tommy from the station.

“This really is just amazing,” you said, unable to wipe your smile off of your face.

Frank smiled at you, nodding with the same sentiment - he had missed being able to talk to other people - before noticing that Bill was holding onto the gun in his hand, knuckles white.

“Can you not please,” frank said, almost reprimanding his partner for doing that. With a reluctant sigh, bill placed the gun on the table, keeping it pointed at Joel.

“I’m the same way,” Joel said and you nodded in agreement. He had always been the paranoid one in your relationship, or whatever the two of you had. You were always the light, trying to keep his spirit up and his soul intact.

“Oh, you’re a paranoid schizophrenic too?” Frank questioned in an almost sarcastic tone.

Bills brow furrowed as he looked at his partner and then back at Joel, “I’m not schizophrenic,” he said, shaking his head.

“Well can i just say how nice this is, to have a civilised meal,” You said, and Joel looked over at you, seeing the smile on your face, “Next time, we are going to have to bring Tess up here, she loves red wine,”

He had never seen you so happy and at peace, even though you were the happier one out of the three of you, and there was something about it that just made him want to smile too after all these years.

“I’m so sorry she couldn’t make it this time,” Frank said and you nodded your head in agreement.

“Yeah, its just been so long since I’ve been to such a beautiful place. I Just want to say thank you, so much, even if we don’t end up working together,” you explained and Frank nodded, pouring you another glass of wine.

“We are working together,” he said raising his glass. You raised yours as well, clinking your glasses together.

You tried not to think too much about business because you wanted to savour the moment of normality. As your hand rested on the table, Joels rested just slightly next to it, the skin on your hands touching. For a second, you wondered if nothing would have happened between you if the world never would have ended.

Despite the way he held you in the night when you were both lonely, you never kissed, never allowed yourselves that level of intimacy. But despite your arrangement to never fall in love, you had fallen head over heels with the man next to you, an emotionally unavailable man who was ready to fight the world to protect you.

“You know what, lets go inside, Ive been dying to show you something,” Frank said, standing up and breaking the silence.

You placed your wine glass down, standing up, “And I’ve been dying to go inside,” you said, turning back to place your hand on Joels shoulder, “Play nice Texas,”

Bills brows furrowed even further than they currently were, if that was possible, as he watched Frank lead you inside, "Not inside! Frank!" He called out, sighing when you two faded into the distance.

"I understand, if my-” Joel started to say his voice trailing off as he tried to find a word that described you, his friend, his lover, “-If mine brought strangers into this situation, I'd be mad too. We're just decent people trying to get by,"

That made him think about his relationship with you. Sure, he had fallen for you during your rendezvous’ but he knew that you would never go for a man like him. An older man who was broken and couldn’t formulate his emotions, you had so much life ahead of you and he couldn’t ruin that.

Bill scoffed at his sentiment, "Aren't I the lucky one?” He said sarcastically, clearly not interested in the alliance between the four of them plus Tess.

"We can help each other, there's things in the QZ you don't have, books, medicine, machine parts," he said, shaking his head as he looked at the gun Bill still had his fist around,“So why don’t you get that gun out of my face?”

Bill reluctantly clicked the gun onto safety before placing it in a holster on his thigh, his hands coming back onto the table. There was silence for a little while, neither men not knowing what to do without their partners to buff the conversation.

“So what, you were a prepped or something,” Joel questioned

“A survivalist,” Bill clarified before goingback to theor conversation, “Maybe you’re decent people but we are self sufficient here, I don’t need you or your fiend complicating our lives,”

Joel looked over at the fence that separates the small town from tthe rest of the rotting world, “That fence has a year on it tops, galvanised wires already starting to corrode. I can get you enough spools to last you the rest of your life, lives,” he explained.

Inside, you had finished your tour of the house when you landed in the living room, your hand brushing over a cabinets as you looked at the glasses and china plates inside.

"So, How'd you two meet?" You asked and Frank explained how he fell into one of bills traps and the man took mercy on him, the two of them proceeding to live together and fall in love.

"What about you two?" Frank questioned. He had noticed the intimate relationship between the two adults the moment they got into the fence, the way Joel's hand would rest on her back and the other would rest on the gun as if he was always trying to protect her

"Before it all happened," you explained, turning to look at him, "Always the gentleman, always the protector,"

“How long have you been together?” Frank questioned.

Your head whipped around and you snorted in disbelief, “Me and Joel? God, he doesn’t like me back,” you said, your smile fading at the last sentence.

Now it was franks turn to laugh in disbelief at your statement, “That man is in love with you, completely and utterly in love,” he explained, watching your brows crease together in shock, “Its the small things, he pulled your chair out for you, tucked your hair behind your ears. Darling, its just the way he looks at you,”

Your eyes were wide as you came to the realisation that he might have feelings for you, feelings that he hadn't even realised yet.

“Okay, maybe,” you said, shaking your head as you tried to ignore the revelation, “Is this your piano?”

You sat down at the bench and flicked through the book already resting on top, your fingers playing the tune. You remembered growing up with the piano in your small home, you remembered playing the piano to Sarah and teaching her during your sessions.

You heard a call of your name and turned to see Joel standing at the door frame, “We should go now darlin’” he said and your heart fluttered at the nickname. You didnt fail to notice the teary look in your eyes as he heard you singing to yourself and playing the piano, it was almost like nothing had ever changed, like you were still 27 and trying to teach a 12 year old how to play piano.

You looked back at Frank and the man smiled, noticing how you finally realised that Joel reciprocated your feelings to some level.

You stood up, tucking the chair in and walking over to Joel. The two of you walked towards the gate, Frank talking to him about something that you werent really focusing on.

“One last thing,” Frank said, pulling out something from his pocket. It was paint and a paintbrush, “You mentioned you like art over the radio,”

"Are you sure about this?” You asked, your eyes wide as you looked at it. He placed it in your hands. It was only small, four or five colours but it was enough to start off with.

“Yeah, you can come back and trade, and bring your friend Tess, I'm sorry she couldn't come,” he said and you nodded.

You looked over at Joel, seeing a hint of a smile pulling at his lips and you knew he had something to do with this. He also couldn’t help but smile at the sight of your wide grin over something so mundane as paints.

“I have this idea, we can use codes fo the radios, you know, in case anyone is listening,” he said and you nodded your head the two of you walking over to the gate whilst you put the paint in your bag.

"Sounds awesome. Thanks for letting us come stay, it means a lot," you said, your voice fading into the distance.

Joel and Bill stood at a distance, both men still unsure how to talk to one another.

“FEDRA will never come up here, you’re well protected from stray infected but soon you will have aides, they’ll come at night, quiet and armed,” he explained, trying to help the man.

He knew that if he was living here with you, then he would be the same way. He wouldn’t let anyone give him advice on how to save the person that he loved or how to protect them the best.

"We'll be fine," Bill said, still stoic. He knew that one day they would need help but right now, he was too stubborn to admit that to the man he had just met.

You turned to look at the men, Joel walking over, "Thank you Bill, Frank,” you said, as smile on your face.

Bill gave you an attempt at a smile from where he stood in the distance and you nodded. You placed your hand on Joel’s shoulder and he looked down at you, a smile on your face as Frank opened the gate.

“See you soon Frank,” you said as the gate closed behind you, the two of you beginning the walk away.

As the two of you walked in your normal comfortable silence, you thought back to what Frank had said earlier about Joel loving you and as you looked up at this man who had been burnt and broken by every person he had ever loved before, you didn’t know what he was actually feeling.

“I was talking to Frank about you,” you said, breaking the silence.

He looked down at you and you looked up at him, trying to figure out what to say. There was no simple way to ask the man you had known for the last 15 years if he ever loved you or if he just saw you as that 20 year old college student who had come to babysit Sarah as a child still.

“What’d he say?” Joel questioned and you shrugged your shoulders, heart pounding in your chest.

“Not much, just that-” you stopped speaking, unsure of how to phrase it, “-that you seemed like a good man,”

You cursed yourself for not taking the opportunity to tell him about how you felt towards him. There was an air of tension now between you, or at least you thought there was, you could have just been making that up.

“And uh, he said that he thought you loved me,” the words just blurted out of your mouth before you could stop them.

Joel froze where he was standing and you looked back at him. You’d never seen his face look like that before, a mix between shocked and horrified, eyes wide and mouth slightly open.

“Do you love me Joel?” You questioned, tears welling up in your eyes. You had never made yourself so vulnerable in front of any man before, you had always been too scared, “Because if you don’t then that’s okay, I didn’t expect you to ever feel the same way,”

He listened to you ramble on, heartbeat in his ears muffling your words. He couldn’t believe that you felt the same way towards him, that you didnt just see him as the broken shell of a man who always tried to protect those he loved.

The silence from him told you everything you needed to know and you tried to keep the tears from spilling over your cheeks. You had just bared your soul to that man and he had nothing to say back to you.

“Its okay that you don’t love me Joel, I was stupid to ever th-” you started to say, a single tear escaping your waterline. He cut you off when you tried to walk away, his hadn grabbing onto your wrist

“Look at me,” he said and you opened your eyes and looked at Joel, at the man who meant the world to you. With his hand still holding your wrist, he stepped closer to you so your noses were almost touching, “You’re not stupid, you’re right. I just can't say it out loud,”

You nodded your head, leaning in so that your noses bumped together, “I love you Joel Miller,” you said and he nodded, leaning in and kissing you for the first time on the lips.

He was experienced and when you pulled away for air, you jumped right back in, hands coming up to cradle his face to keep him as close as possible. You didn't want to ever let go of him now.

When he pulled away, forehead resting on yours, his breath heavy, he looked down at you, “I love you too,” he said, his words quiet as if he was afraid to say them out loud, “You’re mine,”

You nodded, pressing a soft kiss to his lips again, “I’m yours,” you reassured before reaching down and grabbing his hand, “And you’re mine,”

You wanted to relish in the moment but the sun was already starting to set and you two wanted to make it to the checkmark before the sun set, “We've got to go, and maybe we can really consummate our relationship back in the QZ,”

He chuckled at your words, his face heating up at the insinuation. He pressed a kiss to your knuckles, pulling your intertwined hands up to his lips, “You’d like that wouldn't you darling,” he joked

[skeltrr]

it's time for some p1 headcanons

My thoughts on p1 and the kind of guy he is have morphed around a little bit in the last year I've been into Postal. In fact he's gotten so much development it's probably safe to say I've created a whole new beast lmao. He is fairly removed from the guy in the game just by virtue of p1 dude having almost no characterization. Take it all with a grain of salt.

Anyway, lets get this goin.

First things first I want to talk about his personality. In the past I've talked about my hc that he is a very standoffish and rude kind of guy that would sooner take advantage of kindness than repay it. I still think this is a fair assumption to make considering P2's personality, but there is a little bit of nuance that tends to get lost when I talk about this stuff. I'll see if I can convey it this time.

P1's depression and anxiety are definitely present. In the past I may have made it seem like I think he's Doomguy, all beef and no fear, but that's not the case. What I think is that p1 would act out and show his discomfort in a very hostile way rather than in a... I dunno. "people pleasing" or avoidant way. He is still afraid, he is still suicidal and lonely and sad, but showing his 'weaknesses' is not an option. If people find out, they'll have the upper hand on him. They'll try to fuck with him. The solution is to use threatening and hostile words and body language. To make himself unfuckable. In his own mind at least.

So, he's not trusting. Not that it matters because he doesn't have a desire to make friends. Not in any real way. He wants people around, but his idea of the perfect buddy isn't anything achievable, because a person can't be there when you need them and then dissipate in to thin air as soon as their presence gets annoying- and not only that, but they gotta be cool with getting ghosted whenever Dude feels like ghosting them, only for him to return like nothing happened.

But this is really only the tip of the 'Dude acts like a loser creep toward the general public' iceberg. His social skills are shot, both from neglect throughout his life and his general unwellness, and that makes talking to him pretty stressful. He's always ready and willing to stroke his own ego, and he will do so in both lighthearted and underhanded ways. From poking fun, to outright humiliating people.

I do think, though, that with his type of fears n such, and the way his biggest issues seem to stem from misanthropy, that he would be able to read people very well. Not only that, but he also has charisma that everything else 'wrong' about him coasts along on. People tolerate him in their presence because from the outside he seems very confident and sure of himself and he's funny (if you like his weird and often depressingly gruesome humor).

When the schizophrenia hits fully sometime in his early 20's, that's when his personality takes a shift. His depression worsens and his distrust of people grows into a wholehearted belief that people want to hurt him and will do so if given the chance. Good people stop existing, anyone who tries to help him has an agenda. His hostile nature gets worse, his ability to be charming or even just seem normal dissipates. People can see it, they look at him differently, they avoid him before ever speaking to him. Even where there are no threats he sees them and eventually he's subject to total self-imposed social isolation.

The social isolation aspect is important. This is where he comes to the conclusion he has nothing left to lose. He becomes so detached that he stops being able to relate to his own species. People and human life stop having meaning because he's started believing he isn't part of the group. They might as well be cows. Complete detachment.

There's nuance to this as well, of course. Not everyone who has schizophrenic delusions or goes into social isolation is bound to decide killing everyone around them is a good idea. So... What makes Dude different? A lot of things, I'd assume. A lot of bullshit. Probably a shitty upbringing, one that taught him to be violent and to emotionally detach. But I'd have to write for days to explain what I think his childhood was like or whatever. This is already so fuckin long.

[nalyra-dreaming]

There's the part in the transcript we also got to see in episode 4, where the Steins were put in the box and Armand was suspicious that Louis might've put them there ("Are you sure about that?").

Why would Louis do that in Armand's perspective? To get Daniel to view Armand more in the bad side? Did Armand consent to the interview that made him look like a bad person ("Why do I own you my shame") in front of Daniel and maybe everyone else just because he couldn't see Daniel die even if he hated him (And so the "surprise" was the turning)?

And the "No more will you ever flirt around on your years"? Infidelity? The "Oh come to Dubai, Louis sais but not me" makes me think they were talking of Daniel since he was the one invited.

(Disclaimer, as the OP also says, IF the transcript is correct. I mean, it does sound pretty correct, still, that should be kept in mind^^)

Okay, so I touched on this in another ask just now, but I think Louis... lived out a lot of his "Dreamstat" scenes "in reality". Like, we see him talk to thin air and hold the door open in Paris. Daniel asks if "Louis is schizophrenic".

No, he's not, not really. He's just escaping the golden cage he was put in by conjuring an idealized version of Lestat, imho.

And I think that is why Armand asks if Louis put them there, because Louis probably does things acting out "scenes" with Dreamstat. And that is also why he probably accuses him of "being Lestat" there. That is why Louis taunts him there, and actually challenges him.

I don't think the pictures themselves have anything to do with Daniel. Or if they do then "only" to drive a wedge between Armand and Louis, to enable Daniel to get at the truth more easily. IF Rashid put them there.

As per Daniel... I think there is a lot unsaid about the past of DM there. Because while the story certainly has shameful elements for Armand... it is nothing compared to the truth. And Armand is still doing his bestest there to not let Daniel know that.

"Infidelity" really isn't a thing for these vampires. I know, I know, the "cheating". But really. Also, case in point, San Francisco. For example.

IF they put a focus onto anything then actual emotions.

And there lies the crux of the matter, why would keeping Armand from "flirting" with Daniel, or seeming wrong or bad in Daniel's eyes... matter? (If that is the correct transcription there. I must say it doesn't quite click for me. But assuming for now.)

Unless... 😈

And, I mean - it's Daniel.

[neiviele]

There is such a strange overlap between anti-endos and a particular set of harmful, discriminatory behaviors that I keep on seeing.

In particular:

• Despising schizo-spec people for some reason

▪︎Actively trying to trigger schizo-spec people in psychosis despite being told otherwise

▪︎Ignoring their boundaries - being told that they're harming people only to insist that it's good for them

▪︎You can recover from your DID! Not so for schizophrenics, who must always constantly fight to be normal and never give in to their delusions

▪︎You can never have fun with this. No delusion entertaining here! Not like DID/OSDD systems, who make pk profiles for their alters and learn to love their systems with time.

• A sort of tunnel vision directed only at fellow traumagenic systems compared to endogenic systems.

▪︎You're having fun with this disorder? Not possible, you should always suffer... unless you're a traumagenic system, in which you can do anything you want.

▪︎You're not one of us? Pssh, must be an endo

▪︎Obviously your trauma didn't happen if you're a pro-endo traumagenic system, otherwise you would know how bad it is to be this way

▪︎"Why aren't you suffering exactly like me"

• Gatekeeping of alterhumanity and other communities

▪︎Endogenics are pushed out of every community. Doesn't matter if the community is for them, doesn't matter if it has nothing to do with syscourse. Get them outtttt

▪︎▪︎Bonus points if you make other people feel unsafe in the process. Don't look at me, look at those endogenics that were doing nothing!

▪︎Putting their own conditions on a pedestal when compared to others (ex. it's fine to be autistic, but God forbid you identify as plural)

• Othering and a kind of racism directed at POC and spiritual folk

▪︎If your practice is spiritual and mystical it's 🥰beautiful🥰, if it's clinical and psychological it's 👎harmful👎

▪︎▪︎Bonus points if it's an ancient, old practice from long ago, conceived in the wilderness far away from the "toxicity" of the "modern world". Slavery? Genocide? Cultural oppression? Not a factor, you should all have practices from long ago. Don't blame me for not having them!

▪︎POC are used as pawns in syscourse. If you're endogenic you must be white (certainly there can't be any POC endos out there) and if you do exist, you are dismissed. However if you are POC, you must exist in all areas of discourse and hold all the right opinions.

▪︎Certainly you can't hold multiple viewpoints on your origins - a spiritual plural who also believes in science? A spiritualist who also believes in spiritual things, yet takes their medication to function? Not possible, you're either psychological or spiritual.

(Apologies for the snark near the end, but in truth it is annoying.) We've noticed these beliefs seem to appear in tandem with each other to a greater degree than other beliefs- could be wrong, but it's a pattern we've noticed. I'm guessing this behavior is a result of a traumatic cultural Christian-European upbringing? Which makes sense, but I wish they'd unpack that before jumping into syscourse.

[mamadarama]

Slightly late to the Madara madness but I’m dragging it back into conversation because you’ve reminded me of the sheer amount of emotions I have about Madara’s first appearance to Alkaloid (and audience to a degree)

The gang just got done having an encouraging talk with each other and then Hiiro’s immediately like “speaking of communicating with each other I should tell you there’s some spooky ass energy going on behind that door” and Tatsumi opens it to protect the others, is greeted by the fucking hulk who tells him his name but that says they can just call him mama. He then takes one look at Tatsumi and decides “oh I could probably pick you up” and just. Does it. And then puts him back down when he asks because Tatsumi knows if he didn’t Hiiro would start biting people. Then IMMEDIATELY transitions into trying to get hired by the boys to train them because thwarting Eichi sounds fun, sees Mayoi and again IMMEDIATELY transitions into “man if only one of your buddies here happened to be a cryptic ass dance instructor. They should totally dance battle me about it not because I took one look at them and decided I was allowed to be the only schizophrenic in the room but for your guys’ stake… please” and then he gets his ass handed to him and just. Doesn’t leave. And continues to just watch them practice.

Now for something literally completely unrelated I don’t know too much about Chiaki but the more I look at him the more I just see the anti Madara/Mayoi. With them on the “If I form an even slightly close relationship with someone I have to return to nature until they forget my existence” and him on the “If I don’t leave our very first conversation with their number, an address and an itinerary for our week hangout next month I did it wrong” end

LITERALLYYYY ITS SO FUNNY. HE KNEW HE WOULD LOSE THE BATTLE TOO . HE KNEW MAYOI WAS A BETTER DANCER THAN HIM . HE DID IT CUZ HE KNEW MAYOI WOULD NEVER OFFER TO BE THEIR OFFICIAL TRAINER OTHERWISE AND IF HIS PLAN BACKFIRES THEN HE GETS TO MESS W EICHI . SO WIN WIN . BUT OFC HE DOES IT IN THE MOST ROUNDABOUT WAY POSSIBLE. GOD.

also yes chiaki and madara being foils was definitely intentional . chiaki is everything madara hoped to become as a kid and what he wishes he couldve been now, as well as a living reminder of his own shortcomings. chiakis presence also reinforces and draws attention to madaras social alienation by highlighting how when madara was exiled, he left all sorts of holes in the lives of his friends and family that chiaki has now filled in his absence— ryuseitai captain*, the reliable bright kid his family (and kanatas family) saw him as that granted him his position as kanatas caretaker, someone his friends can count on, and most importantly, kanatas hero.

* madara himself handed down the position of captain to chiaki when he left ryuseitai, but part of that choice (as well as the choice to isolate himself and become a solo unit) was him acknowledging chiaki is better suited to the role and finally surrendering after years of fighting to become what chiaki currently is, and accepting his fate (or more accurately what he believes his fate to be) of being past his point of usefulness, now destined to be alone, biding his time and waiting until his death after having failed the one purpose he believes he was born to fulfill (saving kanata). tldr; madara handed chiaki the role of ryuseitai captain because he believed chiaki was better suited to the role and to denote that hes given up on himself (hence his reasoning for forming double face and taking the risks he does: having nothing left to lose now that hes already lost everything. but thats getting into a different topic so i digress)

[cerise-on-top]

Soap with a Schizophrenic S/O

Same thing with Soap, except his is a lot longer. Over 2k words, in fact. Again, please don't come after me for something like this, I'm just trying to cope as well. These are based on my experiences, so those of other people are likely far different.

Unlike Ghost, he won’t be as gentle as he’s trying to convince you to tell him about what’s wrong. You look like your world was about to end, so something had to be up. Soap wants to know, he needs to know. Whatever it is he can do for you, he will, but you need to be open and honest with him first. He’d ask you regarding what happened for a prolonged time, trying to piece things together somehow. He’s a curious guy in general, especially when it comes to you. You can keep your little secret all you want, he’ll figure it out eventually, at latest when he’s asked questions around everything. While his first guess definitely wouldn’t be schizophrenia, in fact it won’t be his second or third guess either, he’ll do his research. He’s known about your mental state for a while now and how it isn’t the best. You’ll budge eventually.

When you do tell him he’ll be quiet for a few moments. He’s been with a lot of people, met all kinds of them, but no one who outright told him they were schizophrenic. While he tries to not be as judgemental as he could be, he did believe some of the stereotypes regarding the illness, how it’s just hallucinations and nothing else, how those people can be quite dangerous. Mostly to themselves, but to other people as well. Once it clicks, those stereotypes are disregarded, however. You’re one of the sweetest people he’s ever met, you’re not at all dangerous to other people. There were a few self-destructive behaviors, yes, but you were actively working on them. Soap will feel so much guilt for believing all those bad things people say about your kind. He would never admit to such, but will try to better himself.

He genuinely believed your mental illness wasn’t as severe as it is, thinking it to be mostly you struggling with depression. He was supportive, even then, but this puts a few things into perspective. During serious times like this, he’s barely one to joke around unless asked to. If you’re okay with it, he’ll pull you into a hug. It’s a long lasting one, he needs to be able to forgive himself for believing the stereotypes and not having realized everything sooner. It’s a tight hug as well, but very warm, he means well, he wants you to be well. Considering he’s a touchy guy, and how touch grounds him, he’s trying to process this as much as you do.

As previously mentioned, he knows plenty of people, being quite social and all, so there’s likely someone who’s a therapist among them. That person will be his source of information regarding your illness since they likely know best. Not that he won’t do his own research, but he will compare what he knows and what he’s hearing from them. However, he will ask you as well about it. Eventually, he’ll come to realize that every mental illness is as individual as it gets. What are your symptoms? Do you know the signs that appear when it gets worse? Can he help you at all? He genuinely hopes he can help you, he wants to be there for you, even if it’s just by hearing you out about how it’s gotten better or worse.

He’s a very observant guy, so he’ll notice you having trouble with some things. It’s evident that your speech can be considered a bit odd, but he doesn’t judge you for that. He may have poked fun at you for it before he knew about your schizophrenia, but it was never malicious. He stops entirely with that afterwards. If you need some time figuring out how to say something, he’ll wait, giving a few suggestions of what you might have wanted to say at most. Doesn’t matter if your pronunciation or grammar are considered weird, as long as he knows what you’re trying to tell him, all is good. If he doesn’t know what you’re saying he’ll ask a few questions, but that’s about it. As soon as someone calls you out on your speech he will throw hands. Soap can be a rather aggressive man at times, especially when it’s about his loved ones. Even if he knows you can defend yourself just fine, he’ll still threaten that person. He can be quite intimidating too, so there’s that.

Soap can definitely believe that it can be hard to accept that you're schizophrenic, and that that is one of the signs of you getting worse. You’re spiteful of your diagnosis? You think you’re some monster because of it? He’ll reassure you again and again that you’re just a regular human being, not some malicious person. You’re not actively harming anyone, are you? You’re always taking care of him, no? You make him smile whenever you can, so now it’s his turn to do the same for you. You’re the loveliest person he’s ever met, no diagnosis can take you away from him. You may not feel many emotions, show even less, but you’re still you. Lovely and loving you. You have a heart of gold. You give him something to look forward to at the end of his deployment. His only regret is that he can’t spend more time with you during it. He will recount all the nice things you’ve done for him when you loathe yourself with a kiss to your temple. You deserve to feel good about yourself as well.

Although thinking can be a rather difficult thing for you, he won’t take away your authority. Sure, he’ll give you some suggestions on what you could do, what he thinks might be a good outcome, but he’ll leave it up to you. And if you’re talking about something that requires you to think a lot and hard, he’ll give you the time, no matter how embarrassing it may be for you. He won’t think less of you. You’re a smart cookie deep down, your mental illness just makes it more difficult for that intelligence to shine through all the time. But if the fog makes it impossible for you to think then he won’t press you. He’ll talk to you about mindless things that don’t require much thinking. You don’t have to respond too much either, only when you feel like it. He can tell when you’re confused, he’ll repeat the things he’s said a bit to give you more clarity if you can’t remember what he said. You’re more than welcome to ask him about it, though, I can assure you he won’t be annoyed. He wants to have a conversation with you, even if it might just be him talking for the most part. But if he really can’t think of anything to say and you can’t talk either, then he’ll just hold you close and cuddle with you on the couch for a bit.

You can always, and I mean always, ask him if something you’ve heard was real or not. Same with you seeing or smelling something. He’ll be honest every time. You don’t have to feel bad about it either, he won’t judge, but might grow concerned if it’s happening consecutively over a short time. But then again, he’s aware those things are more scary or annoying to you than they are to him. He does take mental notes on how often they’re occurring and how severe your hallucinations may be. If they become very frequent or particularly bad, then he’ll suggest that you should maybe go see your psychiatrist, ask them if you maybe need some new meds. He’ll eventually learn that not all of your symptoms can be managed with meds, but he’ll ask anyway.

Soap is a rather expressive guy, who can read facial expressions well enough. So your flat affect would worry him from time to time. Yes, he knows that that’s just what you’re like, but he can’t read you properly when you’re upset. Even if you not showing any emotions in and of itself can be a sign of you not doing too well. I know it might seem annoying, but he means well whenever he asks you how you’re feeling. Don’t lie to him, though. Just because your face doesn’t betray you doesn’t mean there aren’t other signs that are telltale signs you’re lying. He’ll figure those out eventually. Truth be told, you not showing any emotions does unnerve him a bit at first, but he’ll learn to manage. He knows you do feel. After all, you stayed with him, even if he can be quite the handful. Pure love at its finest. Whenever you do show some form of emotion, he’s relieved and knows better what to do then. You’re happy and wanna chat with him? Gladly. You’ve gone quiet? Are you mad or sad? Either way, if you’re more of a reclusive person then he’ll leave you be for a bit so you can calm down, but will check up on you every hour or so. You can tell him to fuck off, he will, but only temporarily. If you’re especially down in the dumps but you still don’t wanna see anyone, he’ll order takeout for the both of you.

When it comes to delusions he genuinely doesn’t know what to do, however. He will try to convince you that no harm will come to you, but he knows he can’t take that lingering feeling away from you. Nothing he does could ever mend that distrust you have of the world, he can only hope that the love you feel for him is enough. He knows that nothing he says will ever be enough to make you trust the world, but he’ll try anyway. Sometimes a reassuring word is better than nothing. He wants you to be able to rely on him, no matter what, and will feel horrible if he can’t achieve such a thing. It may not be the best thing to do, but he will list the things he’s done for you to show you that he does, in fact, care about you. It may not work in the moment, in fact it may make things worse during your episode, but he’ll try anyway. However, if you feel as though you are being persecuted by someone, then he’ll assure you that he’ll take care of anyone who tries to harm you. He is being genuine about this, he has killed people before and will do so any day if it’s about you. Your safety goes above all else.

Considering he’s a pretty social guy, he will want you to meet some of his friends that he knows you’ll get along with. Gaz and Ghost are pretty high up on that list. Although Ghost may be intimidating at first, Soap knows he wouldn’t ever hurt you. It’s important to him that you get along well with his friends. Gaz is a nice guy, you’ll likely get along as well. His sarcasm makes for some humorous situations. You shutting yourself in and getting away from all the people around you is something that would genuinely bother Soap. He knows it’s not the right thing to force you to come out of your shell and meet new people, but he does want you to have a few friends at least. Reliable ones, like Gaz and Ghost. Being social is important for humans, it always cheers Soap up whenever he gets to spend time with you or with his friends. Even if you don’t feel like going outside to meet people, Soap will sometimes make plans anyway, intending for you to trot along. Who knows, it might be fun. Plus you get to go outside a bit, talk to some good people. There’s a chance it might cheer you up as well. You don’t particularly have to worry about keeping in contact with those people either. If they’re good friends of Soap you will stay in contact, if you like those people enough. However, he will do what he can to have you get along with Gaz and Ghost, Price potentially as well. You will likely be in contact with them, and you will get along with them, whether you like it or not. They’re important people to him, so he hopes you can like them as well. Considering how highly Soap speaks of you, it’s impossible for the other three to not like you, so that ground has already been laid.

[weirdestcornelius]

Hello again, it's Faerie Anon back to send another long and needlessly in-depth anon comment because writing may too many words about petty bullshit that doesn't matter in the slightest is my curse. Today we're going to be talking about ~Narrative Consistency~ (or inconsistency as I will be talking about here), or as I will call it, the Character Rules. A smaller example of Narrative Inconsistency is Piñata being called the "Birthday Boy" when anthries on Spinch do not know what "birth" is, and Hatchday Hound would have worked better in my opinion.

Now, the Character Rules, as I will describe them, are certain meta rules that apply to each character both in and outside of the narrative. They apply to how the character is allowed to be treated, what they can be called, and even what you can do with them outside of the comic. Certain characters have stricter rules, while others may have rules that are the complete opposite of others. A lot of my examples will be from Cometcare, but I will also go over main-series characters as well.

Let's take Cuddles, the most obvious example. Because he is the series "big bad" and a representation of all of kit's trauma, there are little to no things you can do with him. No shipping, no projecting, you're not even allowed to like him. These are Cuddle's Rules. Other characters who do similar things to him, however (Doom, Puppy, Sunshine) are seen as those who can do nothing wrong and woobified by both the creator and the audience. These are inconsistent Rules.

Next, we have Ally and Howie. Not only are these two given WAY less consequences in Cometcare and would probably be allowed to get away with murder, because they are so personal to Kittycorn, they also have some Rules applied to them. You can't kin them, use pictures of them (even fanart!) as icons, you can't even call yourself their names. These characters are able to do virtually whatever they want while other characters are actually punished for the same shit. These are inconsistent Rules. 

Then there's Sly, who's allowed to be the fandom punching bag. Could you imagine someone making fun of Cream for her eating disorder, or Eve for being traumatized by Sly ignoring her? Not at all! And yet, Sly's symptoms of severe depression are allowed to be made fun of because Kittycorn has decided that it is something that the fandom is allowed to do. These are inconsistent Rules.

Oh, but certainly such a queer-comic would be respectful of everyone's identities, right? Well, no. Jay and Orange, who at one point solely used "they/them", were retconned to be "he/they" because "everyone already uses he/him for them anyways". And yet, anyone who uses "he" for Uni when she uses any pronouns, or politely headcanons Sly as using he/him pronouns without trying to make fen a cis man (either keeping them as transfem or having other headcanons, like intersex), everyone loses their goddamn minds. This, DESPITE the fact that Sly was made transfem because of fucking fan headcanons, but all of the sudden those aren't ALLOWED now. Okay. Alright then. These are inconsistent Rules. 

There is SO MUCH MORE I could go over. Uni being praised for her sexuality while Levi is demonized for it. Doom "no one is allowed to complain about him ever again" and Hemera "there's still time for the traitor to die". You can make fun of Barry for being schizophrenic but Don't You Dare Make Fun Of Uni or Carrie or some other fan favorite. Every character has different standards that apply to them and if you don't keep track of the main blog ever second of every day you are going to get flayed alive for a mistake! These! Are! Inconsistent! Fucking! Character! Rules!

Now, NONE of this would be a big issue if it wasn't for Kittycorn herself. Narrative Inconsistency in a personal passion project is. Okay. Whatever. It's not MY project so it doesn't matter to me. But with how sensitive and parasocialKittycorn can be with bun's audience, something as honest a mistake as accidentally using the wrong icon can lead to a mob mentality in which everyone attacks this user to defend Kittycorn. You can't even post off-anon on a critical blog without getting death threats, heaven help you if you accidentally make Kittycorn upset for something you had no idea about!

TL;DR: Narrative inconsistency sucks and so does the unusual treatment of characters, but Kittycorn's reaction to it sucks harder.

I rest my case. Thank you.

--Faerie Anon

I'm gonna be honest, I never understood how Cuddles was meant to be the big bad.

He seems rude at most. The worst thing we've seen him do is torture Barry in v1, but Doom, Funfetti, and Puppy also did that with Puppy and Funfetti seeming to ENJOY it. Doom too. Since then he hasn't done anything but be a minor inconvenience to the patients. Like I said in a previous post, the whole thing with him bullying Uni was made out to be a big deal "omg you guys you'll never guess what the bastard did this time!!! It's gonna make your mind EXPLODE!!!!" And it turned out to be him calling Uni's puppets stupid. Like c'mon now, if Barry had been the one saying that people would've done some shit like calling it barruni content. Barry called Uni all sorts of names and yet since it was HIM it was okay. I have very strong feelings about v4 if you couldn't tell.

But the rules for him are also so stupid. If you're making RULES for how people can interact with your content, you are NOT ready to release your content to an audience. Sure, this started as a "comfort oc webcomic", but it's making money now. These are still ocs to kc, but to us they're just characters. It isn't a small personal project anymore even if kit wants to pretend it is, buns has a team working on the comic and everything! More importantly, the comic is supposed to eventually be PRINTED and SOLD. Kc cannot be expecting that the fandom won't grow if it gets printed, because it will. I'm not sure how squeak is even planning on enforcing these rules; what are you gonna do, give a free pamphlet with every comic filled to the brim on the do's and don'ts of the fandom?

The thing with Sly. . .oh it bothers me so fucking much. This fandom apparently wouldn't even dream of making fun of Uni for her autism or Carrie for her eating disorder, but because Sly has depression it's suddenly fine. Oh boy, it's not like depression isn't already constantly made fun of and demonized! The fandom is so so welcoming to those with depression! You make a single joke about Uni and the white knights start flooding your inbox, but Eve and Kc can constantly make fun of Sly without any repercussions. I'm someone who has struggled with hygiene issues for a long time. I do not like Kc because of this. I like sparklecare, but I am very far from liking Kc as a person.

I still remember people getting heated over an anon on a critic blog using Howial as their signoff. "You can't use that name! That's Kc's fursonas ship!!!" I wonder how these people will act when someone who goes by Howie or Ally enters the fandom without knowing about cometcare! I'm sure they'll be so nice and understanding and definitely not bully said person into changing their online name!

It's so annoying to me when Kc has gets upset at someone in the fandom over small trivial things. Come on now, this is a fandom, not a small friend group that's sharing a comic together. People are going to do stuff you may not like. People are going to use your characters in ways you probably won't like. Kc already cut off twitter because of this, so it wouldn't be that hard to just I don't know, IGNORE THE POST instead of making multiple posts on the main blog and trauma dumping on a bunch of teenagers before watching them go white knight for you in the inboxes of the "bad" people. If interacting with parts of the fandom stress Kc out this much then squeak should just ignore those parts of the fandom. I don't like certain parts of the fandoms I'm in, but I ignore the posts and scroll on after sometimes blocking the tag if they have one. It's not that hard. After this amount of time it's on Kc for not blocking the sparklecrit tags.

And before people go calling me insensitive, I've gone through plenty of trauma myself, but that does NOT give me an excuse to make fun of others with different mental issues than me and it sure as hell doesn't give me an excuse to purposefully cause people to get sent death threats and all sorts of other nasty stuff. You can tell me that this isn't what Kc means to do, but people have come to the ZCP to ask them to call off the white knights before and I have never found a post from Kc saying not to do this. It's not that hard to tell your fans off for doing disgusting stuff like that. This fandom is all for mental disability/disorder advocacy and lgbtqia+ positivity until someone does something they don't like, then it's okay to shame them for their mental issues/disorders and violently misgender them all because they did something as terrible as *gasp* having a Howie pfp!!!! Or maybe even doing the ultimate crime of not agreeing with something in the comic! Or DARING to make a post on how their disability that Kc DOES NOT have could be better represented!

[astrok1dz]

EJJEEKRKKR RARARA SO LIKE I JUST FOUND UR ACCOUNG AND IM INLOVE WITH THE WAY YOU WRITE FOR DOE,

Can I get a doe x schizo reader who has a breakdown everytime they hallucinate something:33

A/n: y’all make me smile sm with your silly lil requests ily all

by the way, i am not schizophrenic, so i apologise for being very generic about it in this fic, but i don’t want to get things wrong or stereotypical, so the reader will experience auditory hallucinations

John Doe with a schizophrenic S/O!

He didn’t know what it meant

You see things? Shadows? People that are not there? Bugs? Whatever you hallucinate? Oh no it’s normal, you’re living in Uncanny Valley after all!

“I see those things all the time too!”

You had to sit him down and have a long talk with him.

Tell him how before you moved to Uncanny Valley you’d still see and hear these things that weren’t there in reality.

Poor boy doesn’t understand anything, but he’s trying his best.

After showing him some more visual simulations you found on the internet (and explaining how hallucinations are different for each person) he could grasp the concept of it enough to try and help you

“SHIT MY MEDS-”

“Oh, I bought more yesterday!”

“What.”

“What? :3”

He makes sure you never run out of your meds, so, since he’s got quite nothing to do (apart from adoring you, of course), he makes sure to buy more one day before they run out, so you’re never lacking them!

He’s also your personal reminder to take them.

“Darling, did you take your meds yet?” - Doe’s just standing there with the pills in one hand and your favorite drink in the other. He doesn’t care if you take them dry, he wants to at least cheer you up.

He’ll also do more research while you’re at work, looking into side effects for your meds, just in case. Will also look for therapists, psychiatrists, and anything that might help you.

This guy’s moto is “It’s the least I can do!”

One day you come home from work, where you had already struggled enough. At least your home is a safe place, and today couldn’t get any worse anyway. Unfortunately, you were wrong about that.

You started hallucinating, hearing voices un hushed whispers. They didn’t necessarily say bad things, but it was just too much noise to handle. Like you couldn’t even hear your own thoughts or distinguish them. Torture.

“Love!”

Along came John, smiling all giddy, ecstatic about you being home, already wrapping his arms around you.

You bumped your head repeatedly against his shoulder, covering your ears, and he immediately understood, having you stop the harming action you inflicted upon yourself and holding you gently.

“What’s wrong? What are you seeing?”

“I’m not really seeing anything right now, but there’s too much going on and too much noise and-”, you explained, hyperventilating and tearing up as you did.

He didn’t exactly get the hang on how to help you, but Doe tried his best to ground you. He went to the kitchen and came back with some ice, making you hold it to ground yourself.

“I read online that this could help, since it’s so cold it distracts you.”

You weren’t quite sure if it would work, but the fact that he looked this up just to help you already made you feel a little better.

Prepare for an afternoon where he’ll be basically your servant, ordering your favorite food and drink, putting on your comfort shows, cuddling you, painting your nails, and hugging you as he hums little tunes so you can try and listen to him instead of all the voices in your head.

Doe was better for you than any of the meds you take.

Ps: (You made sure to tell him so).

[heterophobicdyke]

there's this group of woowoo political lesbians on here who say being sexually attracted to women is immoral and if you truly loved someone you'd never think of them sexually and that having sex makes you 'schizophrenic' and 'retarded' and i hate them literally so fucking much. i kept getting rec'd their posts and they fucked my brain up so badly. can polilezzies pass away and can women with a personal complex around lesbian sex just stop making it everyone else's problem

Fuck. I’m not sure I’ve come across them but I’ll probably block if I do because that’s cooked as fuck.

I don’t know when it became okay for rad/leaning to use ableist and homophobic slurs as insults either but I’ve noticed that.

Anyway there’s nothing wrong with lesbian sex—or women looking at women and talking about women in sexual ways—and anyone who says there is is a homophobe.

[wide-eyedbrowns]

yellowjackets team (alive by season 2) rating and ranking

1. Misty - 9.5/10

i said she was annoying but like i get her now. in both the crash and adult timeline, she has the best story and characterization. maybe because her actresses are so great, but definitely her whole arc is unrivaled.

2. Nat - 9/10

her storylines in both arcs are extremely good. definitely the most important yellowjackets member along with misty, i love their little tandem. i just don't like her purple era but she did find a daughter there!

3. Shauna - 9/10

make up your fucking mind girl! one minute she's against lottie's weird cult shit, the next second she's chasing natalie so she can kill her for food and say the wilderness chose! however her craziness post-birth must be a sort of post natal psychosis. adult shauna makes up like 7 points of the 8.5, she's the better shauna for me because she's a straight up loser with an equally loser husband.

4. Coach Scott - 8/10

high ranking out of pure pity like i am so worried for this man. i hope he's still alive and he's experiencing time-traveling hallucinations or whatever, since time traveling is a pretty big theory. i wish he does survive and all the paul scenes are his present scenes but he's gone off the rocks and thinks he's still in the wilderness. this dude is the only one not extremely or supernatully fucked up bc he didn't participate in the cult thing hopefully. BURN THEM CABINS DOWN BAYBEEE

5. Lottie - 7.5/10

when your schizophrenic dreams are misinterpreted by the rest of the group and you're forced to be the face of cannibalism 😂😂🤣🤣. robbed shauna of her cannibal crown. was just being un-medicated then the rest of the team decided to honor her like a god. there were times were she was annoying but you realize she quite literally has done nothing but every single sidekick of hers decides to speak for her and it just goes wrong every single time.

6. Taissa - 7/10

tie. extremely curious about the bad tai and the man with no eyes, which serves as the only "supernatural" event in the series shown that is not in the wilderness or post-wilderness. it would be fucking crazy if tai was the one who bought "It" in the wilderness instead of it like actually already being there, like maybe that was their home? with all the cult symbols or whatever. sometimes i do just find her boring im sorry, she's just like shauna she's extremely indecisive and it's pissing me off! only 7 bc FREE SIMONE ❤️ joking

8. Travis - 7/10

i pity this man so much but sometimes he's boring and his season 1 arc had me skipping scenes. but his brother went missing, "died", came back, then actually died and then no one said "sorry we had to give up your brother to the wilderness, it was either nat or him and the wilderness chose him! we honestly could've atleast tried in helping him get out of the ice cold water but we were hungy". like can we please give this man a break? i wouldn't be surprised if him and natalie refused to hunt for them, if they're all just going to pick cards and eat each other, why hunt for deer, right?

9. Van - 5/10

i feel like one of the only people with a dislike for van's character like. lottie dickrider, i get you "owe" the wilderness for letting you live like you're obviously the favorite but the way she treats the other yellowjackets pisses me off, especially when she straight up said to travis she wasn't ashamed for sacrificing javi? why is she a stronger indoctrinated christian than lottie? i wish they reveal more about her because to be honest her character's a bit of a blank slate, it would be amazing if they start showing a more deeper relationship between her and whatever's in the wilderness. i feel like, in both the show and the fandom, van doesn't have much to her character without tai. her only storyline without tai is with her mother, which we were shown barely 30 seconds of.

10. Mari - 3/10

i just need her gone

11. girl with the shoulder length hair aka pit girl contender number 56 - 2/10

i remember one line of hers and she was rude to shauna and i just didn't like it

12. lesbian w the cap - 2/10

rude to shauna! dye your hair black and i'll give you a bigger role as possible pit girl number 57

[pharmafelon]

Why are you a communist? In it's blueprint form it's a collection of catastrophically delusional ideas that are in denial of reality and of everything that is good. In it's real-life form it's a Russian-born schizophrenic flavor of fascism without most of benefits of fascism.

If I'm not missing anything, to be a communist you have to be some of the following:

1) Mentally ill

2) Mentally retarted

3) A believer in planned economy (also see point 1 & 2)

4) An atheist

5) Elderly brainwashed Russian

6) Russophile

So why are you a communist? Why not just be a fascist? Are you retarted?

>In it's blueprint form it's a collection of catastrophically delusional ideas that are in denial of reality and of everything that is good. You sound like a fucking moron here, like genuinely have you actually read its "blueprint form" or are repeating some shit you've read before? Or are you actually saying parasites being on top of society, in control of the means of production aka the most important part of a state surviving, and the capitalist destruction of social bonds are good?

>In it's real-life form it's a Russian-born schizophrenic flavor of fascism without most of benefits of fascism. The "benefits" being pseudo-socialism kneecapped into a watered down social democratic economy at best, and at worst a neoliberal system with no way out of it. There's never been a fascist country that didn't have its balls crushed by the bourgeoisie, who are always the least patriotic/nationalist/whatever (genuinely I mean, if you're stupid enough to fall for them larping you're too stupid to question me) people in a country.

You and I give a shit about our countries because yeah, we live here obviously, these are also our people, culture, language, etc. It's in the same mental sphere as family. They "care" because they control the state and that makes them money, the second they don't they attack it, which is exactly what the exiled "Russian" elites did helping orchestrate the attempted total annhilation/enslavement of the Slavic race. They'll larp that it's otherwise but only actual retards believe that shit, they found a parasitic way of life and would rather wipe out all of their own people than have to work like a normal person.

Not having parasites, cosmopolitans, etc is why the Russian communism you hate so much was able to contest the entire West as, really, the only country in the Warsaw pact with the resources that multiple NATO ones did -- it was a blatantly lopsided setup, any idiot can see that. It's why China is shitting on America, and only shits on it more as time goes on. It's why Yugoslavia was able to create a third pole as a much weaker country than the other two, not even mentioning the fact that in Yugoslavia, Russia, and China, life substantially improved for the average person compared to both pre-communism and post-communism (doesn't apply to China, obviously).

3) A believer in planned economy (also see point 1 & 2)

"ooo everything in the state nothing outside the state, except the economy we have to be fair to the parasites" LOL

4) An atheist

Not that, one of the only things actually-existing communism got wrong & generally ended up soft-admitting they did

5) Elderly brainwashed Russian

Love how people who actually lived under communism and then lived under the capitalist market economy can't be trusted bc they're "brainwashed", but people who've been forcefed western bullshit are experts on this. You know how stupid you sound?

>So why are you a communist? Why not just be a fascist? Are you retarted?

"Why are do you believe in an ideology that brought tangible benefits to working people and put them, the only section of society who actually cares about their countries in a meaningful way, in control? Why not just be an ideology that cucked to the bourgeois immediately, got its ass beaten by communism, and immediately started sucking liberal cock to stay alive?" this is what you're asking

[lazyapperence9754]

The mental facility AU is an AU where, you guessed it, everyone is in a mental hospital due to their “vibrant” personalities (ie. mental disorders).

Hero- Severe depression (Chronic depression)

Was placed in the “hospice care” area of the facility.

He had already had underlying symptoms of his condition for a while before the accident, but after his only flicker of hope disappeared, he fell so deep into his sadness that by the time his parents realized something was very, very wrong, he was close enough to death to kiss Mari on the lips.

He resides in bed for the time being, sometimes awake and sometimes asleep, but never up and around. Nothing the doctors pump into his system does anything to him.

Sunny- Schizophrenic symptoms / hallucinations (Schizophrenia)

Was placed in the “major risk” area of the facility.

After killing his sister and being caught by his parents after taking her to bed, he pleaded insanity in court and was sent to the hospital to “get better”. His father doesn’t come by to visit anymore. He’s convinced that Mari isn’t dead, and is still sleeping in her bed, waiting for him to come home. She even visits him sometimes, but when she does, she wears this really scary costume that makes her look like a ghost. She doesn’t listen when he tells her it isn’t Halloween anymore.

He resides in his room most of the time, drawing his friends and his special world over and over again. When group therapy sessions happen, he’s the one staring off into space as everyone else talks. Everyone else thinks he’s weird, at least, everyone but his friends.

Kel- Bipolar disorder (BPD)

Was placed in the “high risk” area of the facility.

Kel was someone who couldn’t control himself very well. He smiled when everyone cried and cried when everything was fine. He felt nothing and everything at the same time, and the only thing that changed was which emotion was stronger. It came to a boiling point when Mari died. At last, his emotions exploded and so did his fireworks, setting the entire park on fire. He smiled as everyone screamed and laughed as his dog Hector and everything else left behind burned to a crisp in the flames. In court, he was determined as mentally unstable and sent to the hospital for psychiatric treatment. Nobody visited him.

He resides in the hospital lobby most of the time, greeting newcomers and waving goodbye to the old comers leaving the place. He helps in any way that he can around the place, and everyone likes him, even if it’s just a little, though he can’t be trusted with any chores like serving food. When he told people the reason why he was there, they gapped their mouths in disbelief. It made him laugh.

Aubrey- Anger management (Anger issues)

Was placed in the “minor risk” area of the facility.

Living with her abusive mother, it was no wonder where Aubrey inherited her mean streak from. Her anger knew no bounds, and she could bark as much as she could bite, which was quite a lot. But when she met her friends, her anger subsided a bit. She became nicer, more calm. But the people she went to school with saw this as a weakness, and so they tried to bite. When Mari passed away, the kids at school cornered her with knives and broken beer bottles, and she did what she had to to get out of there alive. She was arrested later that day after the cops found the seven beaten up children in the alley behind Geno’s. In court, she was free of charge after CTV footage of the interaction was retrieved, showing she was (mostly) innocent, though, she was still sent to the hospital anyways. Her mother had disowned her after she was arrested.

She resides in the cafeteria, serving food and greeting newcomers. It was either that or garbage duty. She likes hanging out with Kel sometimes, but to her, the guy really gets on her nerves most of the time.

Basil- Self harm / Suicidal thoughts (SH)

Was placed in the “major risk” area of the facility.

Basil was there when the accident happened. He stood at the stair well as Mari descended in seemingly slow motion, like an angel from heaven. But when she hit the ground, she looked more like the embodiment of hell. And Basil ran. He ran as fast as he could, away from the stairs and away from the house. He was a coward. After she was announced dead, Basil’s mental decline began quickly. It started with him skipping school, then meals, then just eventually going in for the kill with a pair of gardening shears and some pesticide. He survived, unfortunately for him, and was transported to the hospital for treatment. How horrible it was that Sunny and Basil had adjourning rooms.

Basil doesn’t leave his room unless required, and he straight up refuses to be put in the same room as any of his friends.

Mari- Deceased

Was killed on accident by Sunny during a schizophrenic episode.

But she isn’t really dead, is she? Sunny is keeping her alive. Just the force of his will keeps her on this earth, forever in sadness and longing for life again. She even still visits Sunny sometimes.

[schizopositivity]

My uncle was schizophrenic, and in their childhood my mom spent a lot of time taking care of him. She loved him so much, but it caused her a lot of stress and patience. My uncle ended up living with his mom (my grandma) into his old age.

Now, my symptoms are getting more severe. I’m not yet diagnosed, but there’s no use denying it, given I’ve exhibited all the symptoms needed for a diagnosis for four years (and milder/less symptoms for almost a decade). And given how my symptoms are progressing, despite being very smart in school, I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold down a job and pay rent and take care of myself. Likely, I’ll have to live with my mom the way he did. And I feel so, so guilty about this because my mom has had the stress of taking care of a schizophrenic in her childhood and now she’ll have to do it for the rest of her adulthood too (I am a teenager still).

I’ve been considering checking into a mental ward so she doesn’t have to do all the work of taking care of me, but all the ones nearby are very abusive.

Is there anything I can do? Can a schizophrenic like me really hold down a job? Is there any way I can reassure my mom and not make her feel sad when I get my diagnosis (im being checked soon…)?

It's not your fault that you are possibly schizophrenic, you didn't choose to have your symptoms. I know guilt is a feeling you can't control, but I want you to know you have done nothing wrong. And people who need to live with a relative or have other forms of long term care are not burdens, and if that is you one day, you will not be the exception.

Also not all schizophrenic people will have the same outcomes in life. People with schizophrenia can and do hold down jobs, can and do live independently, can and do have a great quality of life. Everyone's experience will be different but there is hope.

I thought I wouldn't be able to work or live without my mom after my diagnosis but I do both! I have a full time manual labor job that I've been at for over 3 years now. And I live with my partner, we both work and take care of the home and take care of each other in an equal way. I could compare myself to my schizophrenic grandpa who is in full time care now in his 70's, but to be honest we aren't alike at all besides our diagnosis.

I can't promise anything, I just want to let you know that living independently and caring for yourself is possible for people with schizophrenia. And I hope your mom can understand that a schizophrenia diagnosis doesn't always equal long term care. A diagnosis is just a new understanding of a person's life, and that person's life can go in so many possible directions just like anyone else's. You are not destined to live the life of your uncle.

[notblue-bandit]

anderssein. such a wonderfully descriptive word. feeling like theres something different or off about you, that you're not like the rest of the world. in a medical context, refers to a symptom of schizophrenia where patients report feeling like an alien, isolated from the rest of the world, like something's wrong but they cant exactly explain it.

i feel like this everyday. my knowledge of the fact that theres something wrong with me is informed by the fact that i can TELL that people are put off by me everytime i interact with somebody. like theres something wrong about me that makes other people uncomfortable and their subconscious picks up on it. like everyone else sees me as an alien. i can see it everytime i have a conversation with somebody. i can never feel present or like my interactions are smooth and authentic and real because im too hyperaware. i always feel like im putting on an act. like theres two different versions of me. the one that everyone else sees and the one i experience internally. theyre so immensely different and i dont feel like ive ever been able to let anyone else in to see "the real me".

but i know everyone else can. at least a little bit. their interactions are authentic, they flow, they speak without thinking, they share and express their emotions and thoughts freely.

im not schizophrenic but ive been reading scientific articles. there's something here between the lines about AvPD being on the lowest end of the schizophrenia spectrum. that its characterized by high negative symptoms like Anderssein. and low positive symptoms (hallucinations, delusions, etc) old studies ofc. but ive been thinking too much about it. maybe my symptoms are closer to paranoid delusions than anxiety. it cant be true that 100% of the time people see me as alien and foreign to them right. i mean logically nothing can happen 100% of the time like that. but its my reality so idk