#I cannot separate me from my mental health issues

[asingingpenguin]

I am going to scream. Please make other clinicians stop insisting clients use person first language with themselves.

[beanghostprincess]

Rayleigh and Buggy reunion, but Rayleigh is being over the top judgemental about everything, like idk if u are familiar with crazy ex girlfriend the TV show but Rayleigh shows up and acts exactly like Rebecca's mom does. Overcritical of his life choices and dismissive of what he perceives as excuses coming from Buggy, because he knows Buggy's true potential and is annoyed with Buggy not living up to it. He gives Crocodile a once over and goes "is that what you found to replace Shanks with" and moves on and Crocodile doesn't even have a moment to compute the way he was just insulted because Rayleigh has moved on to criticising Mihawk's cooking instead. Worst part is, this all comes from a genuine place of love and care, Rayleigh is legitimately worried sick about his baby clown son of 39 years, but he cannot express that worry without being extremely invasive about everything. Buggy isn't even responding, he just shoots ppl apologetic looks and rolls his eyes when Rayleigh isn't looking because of course he does this obviously Buggy is never good enough for him and Shanks had always been the favourite (you ask Shanks or any other Roger pirate and they will tell you that Buggy is Rayleigh's baby boy and absolute favourite with utmost confidence, too bad the emotional constipation runs in the crew). Dinner is awkward as fuck, because Rayleigh makes attempts at being easygoing but his motherhenning nature irt Buggy shines through, his conviction that Buggy would be happier with Shanks by his side is making him be overcritical of everyone in that dinner and he keeps discussing the good old days and subtly hinting at Buggy that there is still time for him to go back to Shanks....and Buggy looks close to frustrated tears (and everyone agrees, Crocodile has snapped 5 cigars in half with his teeth and Mihawk is 5 seconds away from banging his head on the table).

Just overbearing father Rayleigh being stifling and trying to overcompensate for his shit parenting choices during Buggy's childhood and Buggy having his daddy issues expanded upon (and Crocodile and Mihawk gaining insight to Buggy's entire deal)

"Idk if u are familiar with crazy ex girlfriend the TV sho-" My therapist literally told me to stop watching it so much because it was affecting my mental health. So. Yes. I know the show. It's one of my favorite shows EVER. Rebecca is just like me fr my beloved. All of them my beloveds. The songs my beloveds. Don't make me go into CEG x OP because I won't finish. And as you can see, I did not listen to my therapist.

Even though I've always seen Rayleigh as the one who understands Buggy the most (Roger and him love Shanks and Buggy equally but it is quite obvious they put more pressure on Shanks to be more like Roger and that only made things worse by making Buggy's inferiority complex exist) and the one who stands up more for him and comforts him when needed, it is true that he might be more judgemental and he'd be worried for Buggy. Like. Think about it. Roger died and the kids (their kids) ended up alone and going their own separate ways. For Rayleigh, finding out Shanks and Buggy aren't together is just?? So weird?? Because they've always been together. Birds of a feather (if somebody mentions the song 'Two Birds' I am punching them because I can't handle that song today please). And it's just... Well, surprising. 'But as long as they're okay' but they're obviously not okay!!! And it's not that Rayleigh is judging Buggy. In fact, I think he would do the same with Shanks. The second Rayleigh sees Shanks he's already saying he drinks too much (even for a pirate) and that he's been acting recklessly and "What the fuck are you doing without Buggy? Is this because of Buggy?" / "I do not drink because of him. It's- It's not about him. He left-" / "HE LEFT AND YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING?????" / "I hate it when you get like this" / "Like what?" / "Like you want to still do something about my life. I'm an adult, thank you very much-" / "No, you're not if you keep acting this way". And I personally think Rayleigh would just be worried for the both of them and also feel extremely guilty because he wasn't there to fix things when they fought, the way he always did. "The second I left you alone you two start a fight that lasts two decades?" and he would say this to both of them and they would hate it.

But yeah, going back to Buggy I think he'd be worried because. Well. Have you seen Crocodile and Mihawk? I mean. They're kind of on good terms with Buggy now (more or... More or less. Kind of. They're not equals but they're some sort of weird thing and they respect and care for each other. More or less. It's- It's complicated. Don't ask) but they're still them. And Rayleigh can't help but see the situation and be like "I'm proud you made a name of yourself, kid, but you don't have to do this if you don't want to" (meaning: You could go back to Shanks any time you wanted) and Buggy takes it as an "You could go back to Shanks any time you wanted because you'd be safer with him" instead of the real "You could go back to Shanks any time you wanted because you'd be happier with him and this war of pride and hearts you have going on is dumb". And he understands Buggy needs to be away from Shanks to grow, but it's just so, so sad to see them like this when they used to love each other so damn much.

Also, I think Buggy would be going through the worst moment of his life and Crocodile and Mihawk would be so done for different reasons. First, they don't give a fuck about all of this drama. And second, they are starting to see Buggy more like a person and understand why he is the way he is, and the things Rayleigh is saying are bothering them a lot. They've been trying to make the clown move on from his past so he's useful for once (because when he believes in himself he's actually not a burden and more interesting) and now this guy (that they respect because it's Silvers Fucking Rayleigh) comes and tries to change things around here? Nope. Not happening.

So basically, what you're trying to tell me is that Rayleigh regrets raising the boys that way and now he's overcompensating and it's overwhelming for everyone, right? I- I love it. Great plot. 10/10. In character. Perfect. It makes me go insane. I love their daddy issues.

(Also, can we talk about how "This Was a Shit Show" and "What'll it be" are extremely Buggy songs??? Because- Because now I want to-)

[echo-and-dust]

now that my brain has somewhat unscrambled itself i have gotten most of my thoughts in order about season 3.

and the first thing i will say is: i loved it.

while it was gutwrenching and polarizing in some ways and i feel that i am entitled to financial compensation for what its done to my mental health, i loved this season for pretty much almost everything it did.

i cannot fault people for having issues with much of the characterization and plot choices made—that’s been the trend during the entire run of the show after all, and imo it’s a testament to the phenomenal way it generates nuance—but i wanted to share my feelings on the recurring opinions i’ve seen about some of these things.

first, i do not blame simon at all for the things he said in the final scene. he’s a child who has been receiving endless verbal and physical harassment on top of all the trauma he is still trying to heal from. he just watched his boyfriend lash out in anger and hurt—while not at him, but it must’ve been a close resemblance of how he might’ve seen micke act. at least, that's what i thought, though i've seen others say otherwise.

and yes, wille is not micke, but just because wille’s source of outbursts is different from micke’s doesn’t mean simon is wrong in drawing similarities. at least he's finally getting a true glimpse into what wille has had to deal with. i've honestly grown to like that they didn't have simon immediately comfort him though; wille's mental illness is not his fault, but it is his responsibility, and instead of pushing a message of unhealthy co-dependence, the show has simon be honest: "but i see that everything hurts you and that hurts me too." and to me, that's so important.

plus, it doesn't make their love any less genuine. wille is a victim of the circumstances; he is not evil, and he is not undeserving of simon. he just has a lot of growing and healing to do, a lot of unlearning and exposure therapy because he's still blinded by privilege even when he tries not to be.

speaking of, i have so many thoughts about wille that i feel like i need to save for its own separate post, but to sum them up: i'll still defend him with my life, and he needs to get the fuck away from that institution.

also, the fact that the responsibility of controlling simon's media decisions was placed solely on wille confused me at first like—why wouldn't they get a professional to give him proper media training?

then i realized, this could be the royal court's way of sabotaging their relationship. they knew that making wille the one to tell simon what he can and cannot say or post would create distance and animosity between them. despite the ramifications of simon's behavior on social media, it seems they still thought it best to have his boyfriend be the one to try to mold him into the system. because they knew that's how they could get rid of him. in conclusion, fuck the royal court (we been knew but still).

one of the standouts this season was their transparency regarding the show's politics. it not only works well with the show's arc (wilmon is public, everything's out in the open now and there's nothing to hide), but also it felt necessary at a time where censorship has been rapidly gaining momentum. it felt so refreshing for these characters to talk so openly about racial discrimination and queerphobia and class disparities, forcing both character and viewer to acknowledge that they exist and you should feel uncomfortable about it.

i don't think i can add much more to what was already said about it—most of the fandom is more eloquent and observant than i am anyway—i just wanted to reinforce how important this season is to myself and the story even with how controversial it is to fans right now. a lot of people may disagree with me and that's fine.

[eblu3]

Okay, I need to explain what's happening to me here.

For the past year or so, my living situation has been incredibly unstable. I've essentially been pinballed around the southern US as circumstances repeatedly fell out from me: from a roommate situation with my brother not working out, to being crammed into a three-bedroom household with five people including myself living in it, to living with my dad again and having my trauma responses triggered, to where I am now with just my mom and half-sister.

The issue here is that my mom cannot afford to live here. Even with me contributing $600 a month, about half of the income from my current part-time job, she is simply stretched too thin, and on top of that it is very likely that she is going to get fired by the end of the week.

While she is looking for another job, she has decided to move into a one-bedroom apartment in a relatively cheap complex as soon as some become available. While I understand her decision, if things continue down this path with no changes, I would be forced to essentially live in the living room with zero privacy; something that I heavily value due to past trauma, and would be absolutely devastating for me to give up.

In the meantime, she also informed me of a potential job offer through someone that she is currently dating. I don't want to get into specifics in public, but it would involve me working overnight and paying attention to traffic cameras. This would obviously take a toll on my already ailing mental health and separate me from my online peers, but it looks like it's the only clear way forward.

This situation is obviously putting stress on me, in addition to the stress from the unstable living situations from the past year or so (and possibly more from even further back), and it's very much beyond drained my energy and capacity to do much for myself. I have about a month to get my affairs in order, and if things continue as they are without any changes then the above will become my living situation.

As for now, I don't have a clear plan for how I want to proceed, so I don't feel comfortable providing a donation link at this time. If anyone is able to offer advice, or lives in the Little Rock area and could possibly offer support for me, please don't hesitate to DM me.

I hope that things will improve, but as of right now this is the current situation that I am facing. Thanks for taking your time to read, and if you have any questions then feel free to reach out. Thank you.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

one of my batfam hot takes is that alfred having a very kind and understanding grandfather-like role is a boring spin on the character and lacks a lot of nuance around his backstory.

like he is a classically trained british butler which means he very likely comes from a working class family. and like, as a working class brit myself, i sometimes find the kindly, well-mannered grandfather thing grating because, a lot of white, working class men his age are unfortunately not nice people. some of them are like my great grandad was a really great guy, but hes really the only one i know who is or was not awful.

because their generation werent as exactly raised with ideals about mental health and emotional regulation. a lot of them were traumatised due to ww2 either because they saw it firsthand when they were like 15, they were old enough to remember things like rationing and the blitz, and a lot of them lost their dads in the war.

i dont expect american writers to understand how much ww2 affected britain (modern britain is still so steeped in it, its insane) and that generation specifically, BUT id love to see that explored more with alfred. like depending on where he grew up, he would likely have been separated from his family during the blitz and sent off to the countryside like most of the kids in cities were, (this is how narnia starts) and like, a lot of them were horrifically abused or used as free labour. a lot of them also lost parents and never got to say goodbye to them. many came back to destroyed homes. some kids also remained in the city or their parents requested them back so theyd experience the blitz first hand and would know the sign of air raid siren meant they might die that night.

you can see how a lot of that generation were permanently scarred. and for a few decades now, alfred would have been part of that generation.

plus he was also a secret service officer which is just like more opportunities to be traumatised and more reason for him to not be this gentle old man whos in touch with his emotions.

and like, as a classically trained butler, he would likely be more reserved because you know, thats how he was trained. also british men that age would also likely be very hands off in regards to emotions.

but the biggest reason as to why the gentle, kind grandfather take doesnt really make sense is that he raised bruce wayne.

like bruce has a whole slew of emotional issues and problems, and obviously some of that is going to come from alfred raising him because you know, thats kinda how that works. i know a lot of batfam folks want bruce to be this great dad, so i guess their take on alfred fits that, but canonically, bruce wayne is an emotional mess and not the best father figure at the best of times.

you cannot look at that bruce wayne and tell me alfred did a good job.

listen, this shouldn't even be a hot take. it's just an opinion that differs from the most popular interpretation of Alfred as an endlessly giving grandmotherly old man.

the thing about Alfred is that more than anything you have to recognize that he's an enabler. and I love the man to pieces, but at absolute best he was extremely negligent in Bruce's upbringing, if not actively encouraging the world's worst coping mechanisms.

I hate to give Gotham credit for anything, especially when it comes to Alfred since I hate their Alfred, but the show was bang on in its insistence from day one that Alfred should not have been Bruce's primary guardian. it's painful to watch how often Alfred encourages Bruce to tough it out and suck it up, and it never really stops. in one of the latter seasons (four, I think) he hits Bruce hard enough to give him a black eye during an argument, and this is ultimately written as a situation in which Bruce needs to apologize to Alfred for being a bratty teenager, rather than Alfred owing Bruce an apology for hitting him when he's a grief-stricken teenage boy cracking under stress.

and like, listen, I understand there are Watsonian and Doylist layers to this. Alfred fundamentally can't have been a good enough guardian to stop Bruce from channeling his trauma into fursuit vigilantism, because then there's no story. I get it.

but jesus christ.

I don't think characterizations of Alfred as a stoic caregiver are wrong, but I do think people don't want to think about how he got there. when I see the aged Alfred patching up Bruce's wounds and nagging him to eat, or doing his best to offer advice to the kids who have gotten mixed up in Bruce's crusade, I see a man who realized a long time ago that he dropped the fucking ball and has dedicated his life to doing as much damage control as possible. okay, so, completely failed step one (raise a well-adjusted child). can we at least make sure that this basket case adult man doesn't go completely over the edge? can we make sure he doesn't become a killer? can we encourage him to take off the mask and be Bruce Wayne sometimes? can we keep the children safe?

I do think Alfred loves all of them, for whatever its worth. his care for Bruce is real, that is his son, the Batgirls and Robins are his extended family. he'll cook their uneaten meals and clean the entire, massive house himself and stitch them up every night forever. he would die for them. hell, he'd kill for them. he loves them. but none of that means he raised Bruce right.

that's kind of the thing I like most about the Bats: they all care so, so much. but the way they love is terrible.

[roleplaypositivity]

At this point I am tired. I cannot make everyone happy and it’s taking a serious toll on my mental health.

I came into this blog wanting to counter act the other blogs. From day one I have gotten various hate anons, been told this is useless, all sorts of things. Was accused of being a dozen different people (none of which were true. Seems I kept myself more hidden than I thought till my reveal.) And I’ve had an influx of messages and concerns where I don’t see damaging things or pick up on subtle hints of hostility but others do.

I am, at my heart, a people pleaser. Ask any of my friends. I will take apart every single piece of me to make others happy and to make them feel better. I will destroy myself for the sake of others.

I wanted to give everyone a fair chance at love and support. I have even posted things here from people who dislike me. I have shared support that was sent in for people who have hurt me. Why? Because I want everyone to have a chance to see they are loved and appreciated and cared for.

I am doing my best. And in doing my best I am causing unintended harm to others. In doing my best I am struggling to listen to every point of view that comes in. I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I want to give everyone a chance.

Last night I had three separate drama related incidents that are being put on this blog under the guise of support and positivity come to my attention. None of them had anything to do with the other, it just all came flooding in at once. And it’s a lot, it’s a lot to handle and take on and be unbiased on. Maybe if it came one at a time I could handle it better. (Also please note — if you were one who brought something to my attention I am very grateful to you in so many ways, and this is not me angry or anything. Just a bit overwhelmed, overstimulated, and trying my best for everyone ❤️.)

I am struggling. I am struggling and I don’t want to stop the positivity. But, I also can’t pick up on everything or make everyone happy. I dont want this to turn into a subtle hate blog, where people drop shade in backhanded ways. I also don’t want to alienate people who maybe see things shared from those they do have issues with but find this to be a safe place otherwise.

I am not privy to all the drama. Despite being told multiple times I am a popular page — I don’t see it half the time. And I don’t see all the drama out there. It gets lost on me, and I don’t know 80% of the names that get brought up a lot. So many get thrown around, and it’s not my corner of the roleplay world. I apologize for not being sure on everything. Or for missing things.

I also know that if a new negative blog pops up I have opened myself up in a big way to receive an intense amount of hate. I took a risk in revealing myself. I took a risk that I do think was worth it. Even if the hate gets to me. Heaven knows the past few anons on those blogs about me have caused me immense anxiety and stress. (And they were a big reason I wanted to make this place. To ease those feelings in others.)

At the end of the day I don’t want to stop this. I came into this with good and well meaning intentions. I came into this wanting to do what I always do — people please. I am sorry to everyone that I can’t.

I will, however, be doing a clean out of posts here tomorrow. Just for a fresh start. If there is anything you want to save, please, screencap it ❤️❤️❤️

This will not stop the blog. I really don’t want to stop it. However, I am, for my own sake, going to take a mental health day today and tomorrow. Knowing my people pleaser ways, however, I will still be trying to post. I will still be trying to share what I get in when I can. But, to be honest? All I want to do right now is banter with my WP and play Dead By Daylight. And maybe take a nap. But, I also know if I keep getting upset at myself for all this, Louis is going to shake me until I do some self care and show some self love.

❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate all of you so very much. And for all the support I have received, thank you.

Lots of love,

Peachy — otherwise known as Armand (or Eds)

[satanicsanity]

Wow, there's been.. A lot going on huh?

Hello my loves! I just wanted to come back around for just a moment, chat a little bit about what's happening with the Welcome-home Fandom! (and partially about why I've been gone longer than originally planned)

I might not explain all of this the best, I apologize in advance for that

In all honesty... This is an incredibly unfortunate rough-patch. The p3dophiles, the r34 art not getting tagged correctly, and quite a bit more.

It makes me very upset that such a wonderful Fandom has people that were in it.. that seem to be really dragging things down for everyone else. It all makes me feel very drained, unsafe, uncomfortable, and not really inspired to make content anymore currently. Many of my fellow mutuals are also taking a break from welcomehome, because of these circumstances.

And I try to separate those people causing trouble from the Welcome-home Fandom in general, and syntheticcharmva had mentioned about on their Twitter, because of course one's wrong doing should not reflect the ENTIRE Fandom... At least in my opinion. However there has been a lot of continuous unfortunate events that have taken place, making this all very... Messy and feel very unsafe. (hope that makes some sense and comes across correctly)

I deal with mental health issues as I've mentioned previously, which is why I decided to take a break in the first place due to the severity... But the current issues the Fandom seems to be facing, are not making me feel excited at all to get back into working again. To put in simple terms, it's putting me down even further and It's putting others down as well.

Do I plan on returning and doing more wally audios, and more, at some point?? Yes absolutely! And I have a lot of content on my Welcome-home au that's in the workshop, and looking at all the lovely requests you guys make, makes me very happy!

But now with what's happening with the Fandom and the trouble makers, (setting my own original reason for taking a break aside) Makes me very nervous to return. And my break might string on longer than I thought because of this... since my original reason for taking a break from tumblr... Is now not my only reason. If... That makes any sense at all.

All this to say... I do miss you all dearly, but I'm going to stay very quiet for a while until two things happen,

1. The Fandom cleans out from all that's happened/happening

2. My mental health is in a good enough state for me to continue

Is the entire welcome Fandom bad? Hell no, that's not at all what I'm trying to say at all! A lot of people in the Fandom are just trying to have fun, and they're amazing people! But there are people making things very uncomfortable (especially for minors, such as myself) and very messy. I don't know this all is.. A bit hard to describe and talk about so I apologize if I explain things improperly, or in a confusing way.

All on all... Things aren't great, and I'm going to stay away from posting for a bit longer until things improve for myself and for the Welcome-home community. I still do consider myself part of the Fandom and will show all the love and support I can, I just won't be posting for a bit longer, as I've been doing.

I am so so greatful for your guys support, kindness, and kind words I very much am <3 and I will return... But with everything going on I need more time as I no longer feel very safe or comfortable currently.

I hope you are all well and staying on the brighter side of things 💕💕💕 I dearly hope that things get... Better. Not perfect of course, (because no Fandom is) but.. better! Again thank you for the support and all of the encouragement, kind words, you peeps make me smile a lot! So thank you 💕

I cannot wait to see you all again, hopefully soon... Hopefully <3 Much love my Darlings

[efangamez]

Hey you beautiful people!

My name is EfanGamez, a very neurodivergent trans and pan creator who has created 20+ games and have gotten nearly 30,000 downloads on my games!

On this blog, you can find some stuff that I have created, as well as just some fun stuff. I'm not here to preach to people or make sales only; I just want people to enjoy what I make!

You can find my games right here. I promise they're amazing!

If you want separate stores, look below as well!

Itch.io

DriveThruRPG

Kofi

Have a wonderful day! 💜✨💜✨

MY BOUNDARIES BELOW <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

So a little PSA going forward btw! This isn't meant as a call out or anything, but a stating of boundaries with my page and communication, as well as some clear ups!

I am incredibly mentally ill and autistic, with memory loss and attention disorders, so if we communicate and things are a little wonky, let me know! Sometimes I'm unaware what I'm saying may be a little rude, so please kindly let me know!

Boundary 1: Please do not ask me to review game items of yours or someone else's! I currently am trying to simply exist in this world by eating, drinking, and showering, so I may not have time to read your games, even if they're really short. I think that, for me right now, it puts a lot of pressure on me that I just cannot deal with right now.

Boundary 2: Please do not ask for advice or tips unsolicited unless through an ask. Again, because I'm a slow texter and have memory loss, I may not be able to get back to you, and I'd much rather you just ask publicly than privately.

Boundary 3: Please no unsolicited DMs. I have learned the hard way many people on this app who DM me wanting something, trying to strike up conversations, or love bomb you, are trying to get something out of you, and I'm kinda tired of it, frankly. Some people who have DMed me have become cool peeps I can talk to, but some have manipulated me and used me, and when I was of no use, discarded me. Because of this, please ONLY DM me if I have expressed a want to otherwise! (This is for mostly random people I don't know, so if we're already talking, we should be good!)

Boundary 4:This kinda goes without saying, but please do not interact with me if you are a minor. This is an 18+ page.

Boundary 5: This one may sting for some people, but it's my personal boundary and it has nothing to do with people individually. I do not wish to be called a "friend" of yours unless I myself call you that. It's a term I hold quite dear and hold for a VERY few people. I'm more like an acquaintance to many people or even just one step up from stranger. Again, it does not mean I don't like you, I just hold friendships super close to my heart, and I've been burned calling people friend who truly are not mine.

Boundary 6: This one is kinda twofold. I want people to know that if my boundaries are crossed after warning, I will block you. My mental health cannot take constant violations of my boundaries, and thus I have to enforce them. The next is that I will ALWAYS restate a boundary with someone, because I'll never expect anyone to know a boundary without them knowing, so if it happens, I'll let you know, sometimes more than once if I know you well enough.

Boundary 7: I will ALWAYS talk about politics or human rights issues, so if you have an issue with that, please do not interact with me. I do not wish to be comrades with those who are "apolitical".

And that's it! I know it's a ton, but like I said, I'll never expect anyone to know automatically what my boundaries are, so if ya mess up, I'll let ya know very kindly!

I'll also have this up on my pinned post so that way people can know exactly my boundaries are!

Have a wonderful day to y'all, and to my fellow disabled and mentally ill baddies out there; you are absolutely loved, and please don't drive yourself to spiral because your feelings are ALWAYS valid (this goes to me too lol).

[bipolarmango]

I cannot stress this enough: it's important not to push someone with a trauma to process it faster than they can. I am looking at you, mental health workers.

I once was at a mental health institution due to a major depressive episode that presented as a part of my bipolar-2. I am a grownup, over 30, so I mentioned to my doctor that I am not on the best of terms with my family and gave them a brief overview of my childhood. I also said that most of my childhood feels like it belongs to someone else, like I've read it from a book (I'm totally emotionally disconnected from it), and I have massive gaps in memory.

For unknown reasons, instead of focusing on the current events, such as the physical health issues I had been diagnosed with, the pandemic, my ex leaving, you name it, the doctors and psychologist decided to focus on digging as deep as possible on my childhood literally everyday hours after hours. On top of that, my psychologist and I didn't really get a long well.

During the first week of these sessions, I had some of my typical dissociations, these vague feelings like you're living what I call a movie moment -- a moment stolen from a movie. Not quite real, not quite unreal, but in between. Moments when you suddenly are not sure if your hand is really your hand. They got worse as the week progressed.

After a week, on Friday, I found myself sitting on my hospital bed, and suddenly a feeling like I was a little scared toddler took over me. I had to hide. I crawled under the bed, just like little kids do when they're afraid. If someone would've tried to talk to me, I'm sure I would've sounded like a toddler, I would've behaved like a toddler. My whole mind went back to the same mode it was when I was that small.

When the toddler episode ended, the next stage started. By Friday night, I was in so deep in dissociation that I literally saw these light grey, mostly transparent curtains that separated me from the real world, and behind me, there was another set of deeper grey curtains that separated me from another world. I knew it was another world, and I could just open the curtains and step in and disappear if I wanted. I literally wasn't part of the real world, I was following it behind a curtain, ready to completely disappear if things got even a little bid worse.

Luckily, my whole team was off for the weekend, so the concerned nurses alerted a more senior doctor who sat me down and asked me question about what's going on. He called off the questioning about my childhood as he concluded the stress was just too much for my brain to process at this speed. I was placed under constant supervision. My symptoms kept developing. I started having auditory hallucinations that my own medical team dismissed for some reason. I also had minor visual hallucinations that also got dismissed by my own team for some reason. I started getting random symptoms that I didn't know if they should be accounted for mania or something else (ie. I felt a massive urge to take a wheelchair and run with it through the hallway, push it through the massive window and fly with it from the fifth floor to the ground, not to die but to fly and to, just, well, just to do it. I also wanted to "run away" and literally jump off the walls, scream at the top of my lungs, climb to the roof of the hospital just because. Mind you, I am usually very quiet and withdraw person, and my hypomania doesn't include this kind of behaviour).

It took a month for all these symptoms get back to normal (I do often have dissociation but not on the level when I had at the time, auditory and visual hallucinations I haven't had for years). My own medical team made me understand that they believe I was faking it for attention.

I got a new medical team soon after.

I believe that the stress of trying to force me to process the trauma to fast caused me a massive dissociation, hallucinations, and possibly my first ever mania that should have changed my diagnosis from bipolar-2 to bipolar-1 had I have a team that took me seriously.

[thebestcrew]

My partner had quite the system revelation last night, and I think it helped something with mine, but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was. Maybe I'm confusing a dream I can no longer remember with system things. Guess I'll find out at some point.

But, I may as well speak more on that last post I made about reevaluating my daemons.

I've often (I think) have said that my daemons are the personification of "archetypes" of my personality. They could be traits I have or don't express. Like Rhea is my optimism, Tess is my drive, and Lynn is my anger. My daemons all help make up who I am. I am Kit because of my daemons and my daemons are who they are because of me. We are one.

Daemonism has been compared to median system plurality because of how intertwined they are while also being separate. And the more I look at my daemons the more I realize they are absolutely facets. They are facets that I've categorized as daemons because they have that certain feel to them. They got that "daemon" stuff that my brain easily recognizes from other headmates and even from myself. Our relationship is also best matching what I know as the daemon-human dynamic.

But there's also a couple other facets I think I have. The Fox and a much younger me. I've been looking at these as shifts, but I think there is a chance that these two parts are also facets which is why I am shifting to begin with. But unlike my daemons they are not notably separated from me and they both share my name. I have interacted with the younger me, thinking of her as my inner child, but not a Little.

I honestly would probably rock IFS therapy at this point. /jk

Compared to the others in our system I definitely have the most layers. Ashe (and I guess Holo now) has a single daemon and that's it. No mental shifts, no multiple parts to themselves, no age weirdness. This seems to be a very compartmentalized me thing.

This post feels really choppy, but that's because my thoughts are choppy. Thinking of my daemons as plural facets feels like it's cracking the foundation of my self understanding. It makes a ton of sense when I look at how they were multiplying during the Big Stress and how it transformed into OSDD.

But also, maybe all daemons are facets so its really not that mind blowing of a consideration. They are "parts" of ourselves after all. Take the daemon label away and you are left with a facet of yourself.

No matter what their label is, I've got layers to myself. Complexities from years spent self analyzing and personification of my different parts. I love my daemons, and I love my fox side, but I'm starting to think I've gone and made my psyche more complex than was needed. Back then it was fine, but now, mixed with mental health issues and system stuff, it's made things honestly more stressful than helpful.

I'm still focused more on our relationships and how we work together more than labels. But when considering new labels and perspectives makes you dissociate, you can't help but think there's more to it that needs attention.

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

What is the Tumblr kokobot mental health thing and why does it keep messaging me when I go into various mental health/neurodivergent tags? I'm generally looking for community and I don't appreciate this site deciding I am In Danger. You're a therapist and I feel like you've probably talked about mental health apps before so thought I'd ask

Uuuugh, that thing. I think I blocked it a couple months back. BUT, I'm going to be as fair to it as I can.

The part you and I bumped into is their automated chatbot, which monitors traffic on social media sites to detect people having mental health crises and try to convince them to access mental health support. Apparently their bot got good enough at detecting human behaviour patterns online that they actually spun it off into a separate company for a while and then sold their tech to a corporation, before returning to the mental health idea. They returned to it, critically, as a non-profit, which is why I'm willing to give it a second look at all.

tl;dr: I would not immediately warn everyone away from using it! Which is more than I could say for a lot of Silicon Valley mental health startups. I don't love the current implementation, but I think they might have the makings of a decent mutual aid platform for temporary moments of stress.

Long version below

Like, I was not a fan at all of Trill when Tumblr partnered with it, because I felt that they were using well-intentioned volunteers to do potentially harrowing and dangerous work without adequate training or support. (Or not-so-great volunteers, since I was dubious about their vetting process) And a lot of Kokobot's origin story is in some ways really similar to Trill.

Most of these startups and initiatives mean well. They want to make the world better and help provide comfort and support to people who need that. I admire them for their dedication to a good cause. However, I believe that when you are devoting significant resources to building a system where you ask people to choose you for support in their moments of vulnerability, you cannot put your intentions ahead of their needs.

Like: It is really great that people want to help the less-fortunate. I think it shows warmth of heart to want to go somewhere and build homes for the homeless. But if you've never built a house before, and the houses you build are so poorly constructed that they fall down or catch fire or whatever, and they wouldn't have if you'd put the equivalent amount of money into hiring local out-of-work carpenters to do the work properly, I don't think you should keep operating like that as a charity.

I'm also judging Koko a bit as the former teenager who wanted to help people, in terms of how much they provide guidance and support to the helpers they've recruited.

Finally, I feel the need to remind all of us, as useless as such reminders feel, that if you are not paying for a social media platform, you aren't a customer; you are the product. "Kokobot", the organization, the platform, the AI, are not the core producers of its value. Its users are. Without people in distress to whom to provide support, and without supportive people there in times of distress, it would not exist.

Maybe this will never be an issue. Maybe this conflict will never arise. Maybe the nonprofit organization will be devoted enough to the needs of its userbase that they will serve them faithfully and well. I hope so.

I'm just... jaded, by things I've seen before.

What I don't like at all:

It took me a lot of work to go from looking up Kokobot on Tumblr to understanding how the company worked, what using the app was like, and whether their work was being informed by anyone with a lick of knowledge about mental health care. I still don't know a lot of stuff about how they handle anonymity in situations like imminent suicide or homicide, or abuses of the platform.

Kokobot messaging people out of the blue is creepy as hell. My first response was, "Fuck off, I can TELL you're not ethical." Most ethical guidelines I know of for mental health therapists explicitly forbid directly soliciting clients ("Hey there, I can tell you've got a few issues. Here's my card"), especially when people appear psychologically vulnerable or in distress. The only wiggle room there is when you're working in disaster relief and crisis intervention, but that does not make it an "anything goes" situation.

@kokobot posting lots of testimonials from users about how great their service is. Again, something usually strictly forbidden by ethical standards! When someone has just come to you in distress and you've provided them help, and then ask them to give you a Yelp review, you're not usually going to get thoughtful, measured, and informed feedback. It's a weird power dynamic that might be great advertising, but not great informed consent.

While Koko might be a legit company that does its job well, its presence and behaviour opens up the field of what is acceptable behaviour on social media. If one app can track mental health tags and solicit vulnerable people into joining their group, why not another? What will stop Scientology (which has done this in person for decades) from creating a similar app, pitching it to people in need, and coaching its users to go off all their psychiatric medications and use pseudoscience instead? Where are the safeguards?

What's Not Terrible

Kokobot is clunky and weird, but like I said on my post on Trill, the hardest part of moderation on social media is the amount of labour it takes, and the human cost of that labour. It seems to me that by using AI, Koko might have found an efficient way to automate much of that labour.

I tried out the actual app itself, messaging on Telegram; for my "problem", I just said I was concerned that a friend was messaging Koko a lot and I wanted to make sure it was legit. Sending it out required answers to some pretty vital questions—did I feel hopeful or hopeless about the world? What kinds of best- or worst-case scenarios was I imagining? They were worded in a way that felt human and genuine, and the chatbot was responsive and encouraging before my problem ever got human eyes on it.

(For the record: These are questions that can very quickly give information on whether someone is likely to be a danger to themselves or anyone else, which are really important.)

Then, at the bot's suggestion, I also helped a couple other people, where I was given very rough and ready training on active listening, then coached into writing a response. It avoided a lot of on-ramps to community toxicity, inasmuch as the problems and replies were private and anonymous, and there were instant feedback options if anything was worrying or upsetting.

This process showed what I think was a more sophisticated and useful implementation of AI than, uh....... like 99% of the AI I've seen. This is mostly a statement on the state of AI, but still. Koko seems like the bot's responses were really carefully workshopped and designed by actual humans who knew about crisis intervention and risk assessment.

The replies I got to my "problem" were fairly good, empathetic and genuine. (The bot encourages people to be a little dorky, and seeing an auto-generated response I myself was suggested made me roll my eyes; this could reduce the value for some people.)

I can definitely see the benefit of encouraging people who are feeling distressed to help others. Engaging in peer support encourages empathy, and helps people feel like they've got something to offer, and that problems might be solvable.

In the end, Kokobot is an expansion of the kind of work volunteer-run distress and crisis hotlines do. It has the potential to do a lot of good, but the organization itself has to consider so many other factors and processes than its users do. I sincerely hope it and Tumblr are being extremely thoughtful and careful in how they handle this work.

I would be delighted to be proven wrong, and have them turn out to be totally amazing. I really hope they do.

[mercifullymad]

Hi there! I was wondering if you had any recommendations for beginner readings about Sanism, anti psychiatry, etc? I've only recently been introduced to these ideas, but they really resonate with me and I'd love to learn more.

Hello, thank you for asking! I'm more than happy to share a list of readings I've found useful and/or important, and glad that you're interested in learning more!

Before I get into the list, one note: I identify as a mad liberationist, rooted in the principles of the Mad Pride movement and the academic (in)discipline of Mad Studies. So I don't have any recommendations that come from a strict anti-psychiatry stance, as I don’t root myself in the anti-psychiatry moment and I simply haven't read much in that tradition. Instead, my readings are mostly rooted in Mad Studies, Mad Pride, the psychiatric survivor/consumer/(ex-)patient movement, Critical Disability Studies, Disability Justice, and Crip Studies.

Without further ado, here are my recommendations (I encourage anyone else to add on in the comments/reblogs—I certainly have not read everything)!

Articles:

Mad Studies – What It Is and Why You Should Care:

“Mad Studies is an area of education, scholarship, and analysis about the experiences, history, culture, political organising, narratives, writings and most importantly, the PEOPLE who identify as: Mad; psychiatric survivors; consumers; service users; mentally ill; patients, neuro-diverse; inmates; disabled -to name a few of the “identity labels” our community may choose to use.”

Mad Studies Network – Shared Principles: From the same website as the above article. The website has many great articles and reading recommendations even though it hasn’t been updated for a couple years.

“We aim to work towards making and preserving space for mad people’s knowledges and histories within the academy and within [mental health] services.”

Mad and Queer Studies: Interconnections and Tensions:

“Mad and Queer Studies have lot of common ground – especially in terms of challenging existing binaries (for example, gay/straight and mad/sane); subverting negative connotations of Queer/Mad; and critiquing prevailing normativities (ways of being ‘normal’).”

A Psychiatric Survivor Studies Manifesto: A critique of Mad Studies and identifying as mad, instead suggesting identification as a psychiatric survivor and psychiatric survivor studies. A good read, especially as someone new to this area exploring your options for self-identification!

“Psychiatric survivors are those who have sought help and have not found it, psychiatric survivors have varying levels of belief in a separation of mind and body. Psychiatric survivors are not reducible to a single category but instead are a force to be reckoned with who have (often dysfunctionally) shut down major oppressive institutions and forced change within medicine multiple times over.”

Against Self Advocacy Part 2: Maddening Autistic Self-Advocacy: From the same writer as the above article.

“Like it or not, mad and anti-psychiatry politics do inform and are part of the history of Autistic politics.”

“The Autistic meltdown, when our bodies rebel because of sensory overload, the issues related to social impairment---many of these things have more similarity with mad politics … But those similarities have intentionally been quieted so as not to make Autistic bodies seem rebellious.”

Mad People Of Colour: A Manifesto:

“We cannot separate our experiences of racialization, madness, and other oppressions. … White people’s experiences of psychiatry are not ‘like colonialism’. Colonialism is like colonialism… Ask yourself whether your goal as a mad activist is to regain the white middle-class privilege you lost when you were psychiatrized.”

Trans Activists, Don’t Throw Mad People Under the Bus!: Article on the shared history and aims of trans and mad people.

“We know that the various psychiatric diagnoses for trans people have not been based in sensitive listening or in any kind of scientific knowledge of etiology, that on the contrary they have been nothing but arbitrary and punitive vehicles for imposing normative expectations of how a person ought to be. We know that psychiatrists and psychologists don’t listen to us, or our communities, don’t know about us, or our communities, and don’t help us, or our communities. Why would we assume things are any different for all the other kinds of people psychiatrists assert dominion over?”

The Buzzfeedification of Mental Health: This article is far from perfect in its analysis, but I think it’s still worth reading for its observations about how the internet structurally reinforces stringent diagnostic categories.

“The danger lies in how we enforce and contextualize these [diagnostic] categories. ... If we cannot commune with each other, relate to each other, love each other, argue with each other, without feeling that we are irreconcilably different because of something endemic to our psyches (you have ADHD, I have BPD, we are not the same), we lessen the chance that we will be able to build actual solidarity, and fight against the structures that cause us all to feel so mentally ill.”

An Introduction to Anti-Black Sanism: Unlike the other articles, this one is an academic article, but it’s too important to leave out.

“The historical and ongoing set of aggressions visited on Black/African people in the Global North is both anti-Black racism and a specific kind of sanism, and we have named this suffering, this particularly perilous mix of oppressions, anti-Black Sanism.”

“Anti-Black Sanism provides a framework that names the injustice, the pain, and seeks to address the historic discrimination, continued overrepresentation of Black/African-identified individuals in the mental health system… Anti-Black Sanism also allows us to join with others in de-centering whiteness in mental health as well as in the ex-patient, survivor, disability, and mad movements.”

The Next Generation of the Mad Movement in New York City Looks Like This:

“Peter Stastny finishes the first panel. As the elder of the group, he’s the self-chosen, pragmatic voice of “What works and what doesn’t work”, having been around and active since the 1980s and watched so many progressive mental health projects become defunded or co-opted or simply slip into obscurity. It’s obvious he wants this project to have a different fate.”

Help-Seeking: Where’s the Help? (tw self-harm and suicide)

“In the context of mental health, particularly intense mental distress associated with self-harm and suicide, asking for help might not only result in the absence of care, it might result in punishment and harm. … Emphasis on seeking [help] ignores not only the availability of help but crucially, the deep pain and frustration of calling for help and having nobody come.”

Un-care-able (tw self-harm and suicide)

“Stigma’ is too general, too mild a word for what is happening here. This is rejection, it is a casting out, it is the designation of ‘un-care-able’. In a sleight of hand so swift as to be both bewildering and dazzling, the more a person who self-harms needs care, the more they prove themselves to be both undeserving of it and unfit for it. Here pain is not evidence of need, and thus a prompt for care – instead, it is the signal for abandonment.”

Toward a Neuroqueer Future: An Interview with Nick Walker: Focused on neurodivergence, but a very good and important read for anyone interested in learning more about non-normative bodyminds.

“A lot of people hear neuro and they think, brain. But the prefix neuro doesn’t mean brain, it means nerve. The neuro in neurodiversity is most usefully understood as a convenient shorthand for the functionality of the whole bodymind and the way the nervous system weaves together cognition and embodiment. So neurodiversity refers to the diversity among minds, or among bodyminds.

In terms of discourse, research, and policy, the pathology paradigm asks, ‘‘What do we do about the problem of these people not being normal,’’ whereas the neurodiversity paradigm asks, ‘‘What do we do about the problem of these people being oppressed, marginalized, and/or poorly served and poorly accommodated by the prevailing culture?’’”

Books:

Unfortunately, I don't have many beginner book recommendations, although this depends on how you’re defining "beginner." If you're new to Mad Studies but not new to reading dense texts about Literary Studies, then La Marr Jurelle Bruce's "How to Go Mad Without Losing Your Mind" or Therí Pickens' "Black Madness :: Mad Blackness" would be great beginner texts. If you’re well-versed in the study of rhetoric, then other academic books like Margaret Price’s “Mad At School” and M. Remi Yergeau’s “Authoring Autism” can also serve as introductions. But if "beginner" means written for the general public as opposed to an academic audience, then these are the only recs I've got:

Robert McRuer's "Mad in America”: A history of psychiatry care and the psychiatry industry in the U.S. written for a general audience. Great for contextualizing and historicizing the development of U.S. psychiatry.

Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha’s “Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice”: This book does a great job explicitly connecting the Mad Pride and psychiatric survivor movement to broader disability organizing and issues. It is a great recounting of organizing efforts from both Disability Justice and the psychiatric survivor moment, grounded in Piepzna-Samarasinha’s long involvement in both.

Eli Clare’s “Brilliant Imperfection”: An extremely insightful overview of and meditation on the politics of “cure” for physically disabled, chronically ill, and mad people. Also some of my favorite writing on the utilities and harms of diagnosis.

[Textbooks] “Mad Matters” and “The Routledge International Handbook of Mad Studies”: It can be hard to get copies of these books without academic access (or spending a lot of money), but if you can somehow get them, they contain a lot of useful information and history.

[Can’t personally vouch for] James Davies’ “Sedated: How Modern Capitalism Created our Mental Health Crisis” and “Cracked: Why Psychiatry is Doing More Harm than Good”: I have not read either of these books, but they are written for a general audience, so probably very explanatory/introductory in their explanation, which might be good if you are coming to this with no prior knowledge. Jamies Davies is probably the most anti-psychiatry-aligned author on this list, too, if you’re specifically looking for writing rooted in that stance. The books seem to be focused critiques of the contemporary psychiatric industry (rather than focusing on the experiences/organizing/culture of mad people, as most of my other recs do).

Finally, I would also suggest checking out collectives/orgs like Project LETS (lots of great posts on their instagram about sanism and mad pride), the Institute for the Development of the Human Arts (IDHA), Recovery in the Bin, the #StopSIM collective, and country or region-specific Mad Pride groups, Hearing Voices groups, and Alternatives to Suicide Groups. So much of this knowledge is created and spread through social networks and transient social media posts rather than in articles and books.

[bosskie]

My Way to Be

I did already post this WIP to my previous, long post about my Molluck stuff, but I felt like posting it separately under different tags since I feel like saying this out loud (read more about the WIP from here):

Honestly, I don't know how I 'should' publish my works. Last year, I used those tags but now, I have just felt like going under a rock... So, if someone wants to see more Molluck stuff, there is more art, 3D stuff and just writing about him on my blog, from this year.

I have mainly posted this year only under my own tag since well, they have been mainly WIPs and since I do suffer from my mental health problems, I can feel easily like my stuff is not worth of seeing... I just see mostly all my flaws. But well, I have also vented here since I have needed it and there somewhere I do still wish to be a happy story about healing from mental health issues, after over a decade of having them.

I have changed my way to be because my self-hatred has just become worse, for no reason... It makes me wanna be invisible but I still know that it's something I shouldn't be. I know what kind of paradox this is: I won that Soulstorm tattoo competition while I felt like deleting my submission after posting it since I thought that it's nothing like they wanted and looked bad... This is just a prime example of how it affects me.

I'm only talking about this since I do wish to let you enjoy my stuff if you do. It's like the whole point of having a blog for Molluck, give joy to the others who enjoy Molluck content. I'm not seeking attention but wish to share Molluck love to the people. I do not feel like giving my data to this place just to create for myself since I could do it offline. There somewhere I do wish to bring joy to this world, even my ill thoughts tell me I'm just ruining everything. I could interact more with you if I didn't have these issues; they are just that strong... I can just feel like no one probably wants me to comment their stuff... I know that it's probably not true but the feeling is just so strong...

I feel sorry for being like this but I'm trying my best... Thank you for standing me! I do appreciate all the support you have given even my ill side tries its best to tell me it ain't true... My mind lies so much to me... I still keep trying, just like Molluck after getting his life ruined, in a certain way. It's been like 2½ years with him, and I say it like this because he is very important to me, my precious Gluk. I just cannot help myself with him, OWI just created 'the perfect man' for me... No one else just has made me feel like he does.

I hope that next year I'll have more time to do Molluck stuff... I just have too much ideas but too little time; my life is too busy... I have done no proper Molluck stuff this year because of this, all just WIPS or sketch-ish.

[luuv-zomby]

Why Do We Support Willogenics But Not Radqueers?

Pt. Why Do We Support Willogenics But Not Radqueers?

Howdy, two mods here! Ginny and Catherine from Soldier of Heaven and mod Shuriken from Spring and a Storm. We're gonna take some time to explain our points of view on this topic. Both of us mods have separate ideas on why we support willogenic systems but not radqueer systems.

Let's start with my POV (Ginny and Catherine II; SoH). Why do we not support radqueers? Easy answer: In our opinion, they are completely stupid. Wanting a disability or a disorder is terrible. Most people with these things do not want to be that way. We are dxed with BPD, and we would happily trade it for no disorder. I'm going to try and look from your point of view for a second. I assume that as an anti-endo you believe plurality can only be achieved by DID. We believe that anyone can experience this symptom and not be disordered. Willogenic systems do not necessarily want to be disordered. They just would like "people in their head" as one could say.

I will also just take a second to remind you that we do not think DID is just a "people in your head" disorder. This is just me simplifying things. DID is a very serious condition that includes a ton of symptoms. It's a traumagenic dissociation disorder. What does this mean? It's a condition formed by trauma that contains dissociative symptoms. How do I know this? I've been learning about this for a solid year trying to understand myself. We've suspected DID for almost a year and have been learning about it since our ex-psys came out as one to us.

My last part to add is that this blog can be used to help flesh out fragmented parts. Which I know of some traumagenic systems who do.

Shuriken here. I most likely have a ton of experience with this topic considering that we, as a system, used to be radqueers due to severe mental health issues and delusions. We are also traumagenic, but Willogenic is not the same as Radqueer systems.

They may have the same 'principle' of making your headmates, but there's a pretty stark difference. One doesn't support people who think they can be TransDepression or TransCultist. The other is just a system who happens to be Willogenic without being a Radqueer. The idea of Radqueer Systems is more than it being that; it's the principle of their morality. Do not think Radqueer is just about systems. Sorry if this came off as rude; but I'm just saying it as it is!

Added on later by mod Spoil the Party:

plurality has existed in nonmedical contexts for years and years, it's not a new "trend" as many claim. very very few nonmedical systems claim medical disorders without symptoms, and those who do are generally looked down upon. nontraumagenic systems have coined terms, thought processes, communication techniques, etc that are still valuable to the plural community to this day. while i understand as a traumagenic system that your initial reaction to someone having parts/headmates/facets/etc without the trauma that caused you to have it may feel frustrating and unfair, pause for a second. think about it. youre not in their brain. you simply cannot tell them or prove to them that their experiences are unreal or fake. who are we to go around regulating real peoples lived experiences?

comparing the wide range of plural experiences to people trying to claim disorders without symptoms (something that i just clarified is not accepted in the plural community) is a bad faith comparison. plurals do not (or at least should not, and are looked down upon if they do) claim experiences their body does not have, including race, disability, and trauma status. trans-ids actively go against this. thats the disgusting part. thats the upsetting part. that someone is claiming something debilitating and/or that comes with real world challenges without truly having those experiences. but that should not be conflated with the plural community, which, once again, does not accept those who claim these things

radqueer is an easy one - dont be fucking weird and ship children, siblings, animals, etc. that literally has nothing to do with plurality. thats fully just a bad faith take there

[luigixfanxayjay]

I'm going to vent here. I haven't been doing well recently, I need to get this off my chest.

TW: gender dysphoria, self-hate, family issues, anxiety, depression, dissociation, grief, mutism.

I've recently been struggling with my mental health. Everything I do feels like I'm making some sort of mistake. I just feel detached, and I'm dissociating more often. I have selective mutism episodes more often. I break down or cry more often. I keep being a terrible person, as I'm seemingly always hurting people and arguing with my parents. My gender dysphoria hurts me so much. I haven't been able to get my haircut for weeks, and we still can't find a hair salon to go to while we are constantly traveling. It's been ten months since I left my childhood home, yet I'm still grieving over it. It's like I can't let go of it. I can't let go of the grief. I'm afraid of anything and everything that could happen to me when it comes to society. It's scaring me so much. I fear losing everyone I love every day; my separation anxiety and attachment issues are too much. I just recently started my high school freshman year, so there's the stress of that, too. My self-hate keeps pushing me down when I try to be optimistic and happy (and because of that, it's very, very hard to be optimistic). "No, you deserve this pain," it tells me. If I were to share my thoughts, you would all be so scared for me. I don't want to hurt people. Every time I vent, it makes me feel like I'm guilt-tripping. I can't effectively distract myself from my issues anymore. It all keeps coming back to me, and I'm exhausted now. I can't find motivation to do much and haven't for months. It's getting to the point where I'm not even motivated to do art or roleplays. My friends aren't near as online as they used to. They're all busy or uncomfortable with venting, so I can't reach out when I need to. I've always been glued to my phone for distraction, but now the effectiveness is beginning to wear away. I cannot handle this and live normally anymore. I'm too young to have to go through this, and I need support here...

[centuricnis]

                         𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕚𝕔𝕟𝕚𝕤

    independent, highly selective, low energy, dual rp blog. featuring! 𝕝𝕖𝕧𝕚 𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕣𝕞𝕒𝕟 & 𝕖𝕣𝕖𝕟 𝕛𝕒𝕖𝕘𝕖𝕣 nsfw themes present. mun is 21+.

                                est 08/2024                                                           𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕕 𝕓𝕪 𝕥𝕚𝕗𝕗! blogroll: @aeviare 𝔭𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔢 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡 𝔯𝔲𝔩𝔢𝔰 𝔟𝔢𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔢 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤!

1. Basics

Hi! My name is Tiff! 25+! My pronouns are she/they. I’ve been rping on Tumblr since 2012! I have a full time job && a small business, so my activity may be spotty at best. I come and go as I please because roleplaying to me is only a hobby! This blog will probably be super low energy and low activity, as I also have my main multimuse which is where I'll probably be if I'm not here. Minors will be blocked. Any personal blogs without rp sideblogs will be blocked.

If I follow you and you do not follow me back within a week, I will unfollow for my own comfort. This doesn't mean that if you follow me in the future that I won't refollow. I absolutely will! I just never want to overstep anyone's mutuals boundaries. (:

PSA

The source material has plenty of heavy adult themes. These are likely to show up whilst writing, but I will do my best not to write anything especially explicit. Please prioritize your mental health when it comes to these themes, as I assume you're at least familiar with those that are present within the manga/anime.

If you have problems with AoT/SnK's themes and/or it's creator please take it somewhere else. I love the anime as it is, standalone. That does not mean I believe in things present in media or things believed by the creator.

If that bothers you, this isn't the blog for you. Any harassment will be met with the block button (:

small extra psa: i'm not that comfortable writing with blogs that only rp with real people face claims. i personally prefer animated/cartoon/3d style face claims. this is just a personal preference!

2. Writing Specifics!

This blog will focus more on the SnK fandom and rpc, but I'm very open to crossovers. My writing lengths vary from short, to paras, to sometimes novellas. There's never a requirement to match my length. Any icons used will be 100x100 and most likely made by me. I've only watched the anime, and am currently reading the manga, so if there are any nuances missed because of that, I apologize in advance (: Because Tumblr hates its userbase, I'll be writing strictly with Beta Editor and xKit Rewritten's Trim Reblogs.

3. Etiquette!

Basic etiquette is expected for writing with me. Meaning, please don't godmod! I will never write your muse for you, I'd appreciate the same respect.

As always mun =/= muse. Levi has murdered people. Please do not romanticize things that even he has felt guilt for. If you know the ending of AoT, you know what Eren did. If you have issues with my muses, this is not the blog for you.

As for drama or callouts, please don't drag me into things that have nothing to do with me. Do not police me in who I can or cannot speak to. I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions. If there's an issue with a person and you're concerned for my wellbeing, please address it with me in DMs.

4. Shipping!

I am a very proud multi ship whore. All ships are separate AUs unless otherwise plotted.

For Levi, I view him more as demisexual and even demiromantic. This just means it'll take some time for him to be open to a relationship. That being said, my bias comfort Levi ship is (S4 Eren) Ereri/Riren. I am open to shipping him with Erwin or Hange, but it would take plotting and speaking with my rp partner ooc.

For Eren, I'm much more open to other ships. I obviously still ship Ereri, but I'm also open to shipping him with Armin, Jean, Reiner, & Mikasa. Although, I do lean more with Mikasa and Eren being siblings, I do see the potential for their romantic ship.

NSFW on this blog will be canon typical violence, gore, and of a sexual nature. If you do not want to view those things, please blacklist "suggestive cw" and "nsfw cw".