#They're so emotionally difficult with each other and themselves

[optiwashere]

Six Song Soundtrack OC Tag

Thanks so much to @tacticalgrandma for tagging me in this! 💜 It took me forever to put this together, and I blame that on the fact that trying to pick just one song for each of these things is so difficult lol.

I'll tag (no stress, of course) @arach-tinilith @druidfolk @razzberrydazz @silent-moons-camp @moonshine-out-of-shield and anyone else that wants to do this! Y'all can think of it like a mass tag if you want to do it.

So, naturally, let's pick some songs for my bbygirl.

Event that defines the character's past

So innocent, eyes open wide I felt so empty as I cried Like part of me had died I'm learning all about my life By looking through her eyes And as her image wandered through my head I wept just like a baby as I lay awake in bed —"Scene Five: Through Her Eyes" by Dream Theater

It was really hard to pick one thing. The three core moments in Asheera's background were the death of her friend that she feels responsible for, her divine transition granted by Gond, and becoming a paladin. But I think, really, I had to pick this.

This is pulled from a concept album, which can be difficult, and this one deals with navigating a "past life" experience. In it, the narrator learns about a woman in another life of theirs, and it affects them so deeply it feels as if they are that woman at times. While it's not explicitly trans-coded whatsoever, it still resonates like that with me in places.

Though Asheera underwent a magical sort of transition via Gond, it forged her into that woman that she saw in her dreams.

How your character sees themselves

If I sow a wind now, I will reap a storm. You saw me sliding, away from the sun. And tomorrow, who will come and put their hand over mine? Mine with the burning shape of a gun. —"The Racing Heart" by Katatonia

One of Asheera's major flaws is an inability to see the good in herself and how that turns itself into a sorta martyr complex. A form of self-hatred, really. It bleeds all over the fics that I've written about her, sometimes in text but sometimes left to tone and subtext and the way that she behaves with other people.

This song really encapsulates that feeling, at least for me. Most Katatonia songs are more like tone pieces with their lyrics, so they could really be "about" anything, and that's how I've always interpreted these lyrics. They're about someone that seems themselves as the harbinger of failures to come.

How others view them

Back against the wall and odds With the strength of a will and a cause Your pursuits are called outstanding You're emotionally complex Against the grain of dystopic claims Not the thoughts your actions entertain And you have proved to be A real hero A real human being —"A Real Hero" by Electric Youth & College

Though this song has a real-world inspiration that becomes more obvious in the second verse, I think the general concept is how some people would see her. The vibes are right, OK? It's hard to generalize "others" like this since there are certainly people that do not like Asheera whatsoever (including those without some deeply personal reason, like Blades explores).

Either way, it's the refrain in particular that hits me for her. How people would see a real person and call her heroic in spite of how she views herself. The juxtaposition of how she sees herself vs. how others see her is always so fascinating to me.

And, frankly, for those that think lesser of her, some would likely see her the same way. They might see no one special there. No one worth noticing. Perspective is wonderful like that.

Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

My imagination sees you Like a painting by Van Gogh Starry nights and bright sunflowers Follow you where you may go Oh, I've loved you from the start In every single way And more each passing day You are brighter than the stars Believe me when I say It's not about your scars It's about your heart —"All About Your Heart" by Mindy Gledhill

I'm something of a huge Mindy Gledhill stan, so I have a problem associating some of her songs with ships. Either way, I think this very clearly describes Asheera/Shadowheart. Specifically, how they each see one another as more than whatever they believe scars them.

There are plenty of platonic relationships that helped to define Asheera—with her family, with friends, with some paladins in her order, even with Gond—but I'd be a lil remiss if I didn't talk about my favorite girls.

A major fight scene

I can't shake this feeling from my head There's a devil sleeping in my bed He's watching you from across the way I cannot make this feeling go away I know it's not the right thing And I know it's not the good thing But kinda I want to —"Kinda I Want To" by Nine-Inch Nails

It's very on the nose because part of Asheera's characterization is that she, on some level, enjoys violence. It's at odds with everything she tries to be and everything she strives for, but she does kinda want to.

She's pretty good at finding the non-violent path, all told. But sometimes she must fight, and sometimes violence is the only reasonable answer. This is the voice in her head when she doesn't get to indulge in that last tenet of her oath of redemption.

End credits song

The instrumental "Tamarack's Gold Returns" by Panopticon.

Asheera's post-game is well documented at this point, but it's safe to say that she's still trying to find the peace this song embodies. How fitting that she wants to find that sort of pleasant, safe life with Shadowheart?

This song is so quintessentially Asheera that it has to be the "end credits" sort of song for her. The folksiness, the calming atmosphere. It all feels like her, strong but neither overbearing nor forceful. Like a reassuring embrace when that's all she wants.

[winterbean177]

NEW SOLARS FIC COMING UP ON AO3 !!

Hi all!

This is WinterBean (AO3 Writer) here. Just wanted to share with you guys that a new fic of mine will be showing up very soon hehehe... It's in the editing stage atm, but yes it has been sorta finished as a draft right now, sitting in between my first two fics in length (~12k+, although I'll have to change that depending on how long it gets after editing).

This focuses on Yumyulack and Korvo's relationship Post S5 Finale!

Here's a little summary of the story (S5 spoilers ahead!)

NAME: Papa Korvo

Potential Tags: Hurt, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, One chapter is a bit of a whump, yes this is focused on Yumyulack and Korvo, Post S5 Finale, ~ Daddy Issues ~, Yet another excuse to hurt my favourite character, Taco Bell Parking Lot Fight Scene, Bad Communication, injuries and overprotective father moments, could be OOC but I can't tell by myself, etc etc...

Summary: Yumyulack and Korvo struggle with working through their issues as a family, and things end up going a little bit awry. After all, Yumyulack calling Korvo 'Papa' seems to have some lasting effects. In the end, Korvo just wants to be a father, and Yumyulack secretly wants to have a father, yet they simply cannot get over themselves and admit they do really see each other as family.

But when things begin to go wrong, Yumyulack's desire for a father figure becomes more of a need as some fights are just a bit too hard to handle all by oneself...

Anyway, hope you guys have a good day, and I really hope this little taster summary (I'll adjust it to fit the vibe more once it's up on AO3, in which I'll post the link here)!

See you guys there, hopefully! Comments / reblogs with any additions/ideas/opinions are welcome!!

-WinterBean ❤️❤️

[divinesangel]

— 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞'𝐬 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐲

pm me for an affordable, in-depth personal or soulmate reading! ko-fi.com/solreads

— 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

your person has been feeling quite overwhelmed lately. it's as if they're reluctant to engage in much because of how burdened they feel. it appears they're currently navigating something in their personal life that's causing them to overthink, something they recognize they need to address and possibly discuss with someone, though they worry about causing concern. right now, i see them trying to move forward and redirect their focus, but it's clearly taking a toll. they've always been the type to handle things independently, no matter the challenge, and they definitely project an aura of self-sufficiency. however, this seems to be affecting them emotionally, and it seems likely they'll eventually open up about it, leading to improvement, even if they don't realize it yet. they need reassurance that despite challenges, there's always hope for better days ahead.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐

your person is currently going through a difficult situation with a female energy in their life. they seem to be going through a toxic situation that they have been trying to release themselves from. it seems that they have been handling things well. they are aware that the situation is not the best one. they are currently re-evaluating several things in their life regarding their personal connections and the type of people that they want to have in their life. deep down, it seems like they know what they want from others, and they are not willing to settle for less. this person that they have been dealing with seems to be someone that they've known for a while now, but it seems like they haven't grown each other, and unfortunately it has turned a bit toxic. they are not the type of person to let someone else affect their stability, which is why they are reconsidering many things. your person has also been thinking about expanding themselves in ways that may have involved taking some time to disconnect or maybe move to another country. it could also just be travel for a bit. overall, it also seems that they have been feeling a bit stagnant or feeling like they need to take a few steps back to look at things from a different perspective and regain more clarity on the path where they're heading right now. this is someone who likes to be in control of what goes on in their life, which is completely understandable. it seems like in order for them to do that, they need to work on it and distance themselves from people. this person has always been the type of person to be there for others and to care a lot for the people they have around them, but it has not been giving them much these days. it seems like your person has been given more than what they have been receiving, and it's something they're pretty aware of. they're going to be taking their time to reassess certain things and take care of themselves.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑

so when it comes to your person, i do feel like they are currently trying to manifest many things for themselves. they have been trying to make their dreams come true, and they have been working on every single project that they want to bring to fruition. they have been feeling quite stable right now, so this is probably one of the most stable periods that they might be going through, and they're trying to keep a balance with everything. they seem to be very focused on their career and their work, and they're trying to maintain a balance between their life and their career. i see them traveling for many different reasons, and it's going to bring a sense of feeling overwhelmed, but they're going to be handling it good. as of right now, they also seem to be wanting to enter some type of connection. it seems like they miss that type of feeling of having someone be there for you and care about you, and because of that they might feel a bit confused on where they stand right now in their love life, and they have been wondering whether that time will come to them or not. they are sort of leaving things up to the universe, and they have this mindset of whatever happens, happens. because deep down they know that changes will end up happening, and that it will happen at some point. i also see them healing from some hurtful situations from their past, and wanting to better themselves and basically become a better person. they feel like they don't want their future partner to deal with the consequences of past traumas or past connections, so they will be working very hard on that as well.

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 !

hi! it's daphne here.

i'm currently offering personal readings for €5 and soulmate readings for €10 so don't hesitate to send me a private message if you're interested!

thank you for being here!

[enlightenedfeline]

Writing an emotionally numb character:

There's a lot to take into consideration when writing a character like this, but I'll narrow it down to what I think is most important!

Who's perspective are they normally in? Is this a side character in your story? The protagonist? The antagonist? What importance do they have?

Are they in first person?

Emotional numbness is something that can be easily observed by people who know you, it can become a trait they use to describe you, basically you don't need high emotional intelligence to come to the conclusion that someone you know is generally emotionless.

Perspective doesn't matter in knowing whether or not a character is emotionally numb, it matters in how you introduce it and express it.

Here are the do's and dont's of each perspective:

First person: dont: have the character aware that they are emotionally numb, it is generally not a trait one would notice about themselves if it's unintentional. do: show the reader that this character generally suppresses or doesn't feel their emotions through internal dialouge.

This seems a bit contradictory, right? Because how do you make a character unaware of a trait, while also making it obvious to your reader?

Don't put all the weight on your own shoulders, your readers analytical abilities matter too, and if it's too obvious from this perspective it'll make it seem like your character knows they're emotionally numb, which would paint them as manipulative and calculated.

Pause. If that is what you want, look out for more advice posts in the future, because this one won't be helpful.

Now continue. We all have small habits and thought processes that are unhealthy that we're not aware of, it would be difficult to recognize them yourself. Thankfully, you don't have to in this situation, you're writing a character, you are aware of all their little thought patterns, that's how you show your reader their emotional numbness.

In how they avoid emotions, or don't treat their own struggles like they're worth mentioning, this is a habit we can all recognize as wrong when we read it, and that's the easiest way for you as the writer to express emotional numbness.

Third person limited (and second person): If it's from the emotionally numb character's pov, follow the advice above, if it's from another character's pov then, Dont: give the character unlimited knowledge of the emotionally numb character's past and what makes them this way. Do: gradually have them learn more about the emotionally numb character, and follow their thought process as they connect their past with why they behave the way they do.

Third person omniscient: DONT: info dump right off the bat. do: gradually reveal details about the character.

As you've probably noticed, the advice for both third person povs is essentially the same. Third person is probably the easiest pov where you can introduce emotional numbness, however, it's also the easiest pov to fall into an info dumping session about said character.

Emotionally numb characters give you so much room for angst, use it!

Make your emotionally numb character a mystery to your reader, make them disliked by other characters, make it affect their relationships, then give your reader hints and scraps as to why they behave the way they do, let them figure it out!

Give your reader the tools and let them build the house, make the emotional numbness a mystery to the character and to most characters they interact with.

The second thing to explore about emotional numbness is the why of it all.

While it may be your first instinct to give them a life altering event that caused it - and while that's not bad - you can consider other paths and approaches!

Emotional numbness is a trauma response, to what exactly is up to you.

Maybe their emotions are treated as a burden, so they begin to see them as a burden, so they begin to suppress them until they reach a point where they can't stop doing it.

Maybe it was a mentally scarring event that made them too emotional, and when no one around them could handle it, they started suppressing everything.

The word suppress is being used a lot, that's because it's the core of emotional numbness. No matter what we try to tell ourselves, we feel emotions, so to be emotionally numb does not mean to be emotionless, it means to suppress emotions.

And if you want your emotionally numb character to be realistic, make them breakdown when they can't suppress it anymore.

The most realistic thing you can have your emotionally numb character do is breakdown into a supernova of emotions, because no one can hold it in all the time.

They can breakdown in the arms of a loved one, or in a public setting, or maybe even in front of the person they despise most. Get creative, get angsty, or get fluffy!

Emotional numbness can make or break your character, they can either be a stereotype or something never before seen, make them your own, and remember to make them human.

Maybe some of this advice will help, maybe it won't, either way, I hope this feline has enlightened you!

[electricneonbat]

I think its important to note the emotional constipation of these two women and their abilities to be vulnerable with each other.

These scenes have the cinematic parallels of the caves their in collapsing, ie, symbolism says walls falling, emotional honesty, hearts connecting

You see it takes Bonnie about four years (Finn is 12 years old at the beginning of the series, he is 16 as of season 7, therefore 4 years have passed since Marceline returned to Ooo) to be open with her emotions to Marceline and one may say that its a rather eye-opening scene because we pretty much never see Bubblegum cry, or genuinely apologize for something

It takes Marceline until Obsidian to do the same, and Obsidian is 5-10 years post original series

So them being truly happy together takes them about a decade, possibly longer

I mean, don't get me wrong, you see them happy together. They're together constantly, they're holding hands, they freaking kiss each other, they are happy and in love - but the communication isn't as present as it should be. Bonnibel is bad at expressing her emotions, to the point that it takes a literal mental breakdown for her to do so. One breakdown does not mean she's perfect at talking things through afterwards, and it will probably take her years to feel comfortable being vulnerable.

As for Marcy, she just simply does not speak of her trauma. It rules every aspect of her life and relationships and she does not acknowledge it as real. She'll turn around and write a song about it and then insist that the lyrics have no meaning. Except now she's written an emotionally vulnerable song meant for an audience of one and the words mean everything.

She won't be perfect at it either. Centuries of not talking about it, for both of them, is hard to move on from. Change is difficult. Emotions are hard. They'll probably find themselves easily slipping into old habits and fighting more than they want to.

Its the stuff that happens after the fight that's important. The coming together and the talking about it and expressing why you do what you do and how it makes the other person feel. The partnership that comes from learning not to fight and just being together.

[folcanta]

rewatching Cowboy Bebop as i recover from surgery.

it's really cute and somewhat bittersweet to see how Sunrise got there from Escaflowne... (Watanabe also boarded on Escaflowne and you can reeeeally tell in episode 5.) those delicious dutch angles. they're not "cinematic" in the sense of being nice to look at, although they are. they're cinematic in that they both literally pull from film theory in their compositions and cuts, in a way that sets them apart from pretty much everything else. Jet's episodes are mini Michael Mann films and they're really good lol, clever beats and editing. overall extremely well-directed, tightly considered, and both stories have a huge, endlessly sympathetic interest in humanity. Sunrise is the Wow Cool Robot factory and they're still being Wow Cool Robot'd up to 2025!!

by the esteemed titas vilkaitis

maybe it's just my interpretation, but by watching this i think you can tell how much they loved Escaflowne + were jilted by its unlit brain reception. Bebop too sought to completely break/redefine the boundaries of genre but it's so much more bitter/cynical and imo emotionally withholding— and ancillary deaths have little meaning and there's usually something to take the attention/edge off of sad and sombre moments. which is nothing like Escaflowne, where emotions are allowed to hang in the air as atmosphere.

Escaflowne is a fantastical but dystopian distant past (war-torn, creating huge weapons of war by ripping energists— an analogue for both oil and nuclear energy— from the natural world) with a difficult but defined fix/conclusion, if the characters can gain unclouded awareness of themselves and each other. Escaflowne believed in utopia, one that is very much possible when disarmed, built with focused intent on mutual respect and commonality— communistic, even if we don't know what exactly happens with the royals of the story, we can see what's truly valued and status is not it. Cowboy Bebop sees itself beyond utopia; the time for utopia has ended with people so scattered and severed from one another, at once stratified and classless, where classlessness of this kind is not freedom. Bebop is a fantastical but dystopian distant future with no fix/conclusion, as the characters reject themselves and each another. both stories are about how the past walks with its characters, how it lives alongside them and how they're stuck— willingly and very much not— in its cycle. there's even an eye motif, one which began with Escaflowne ;^)

i love Cowboy Bebop, i have it memorised forward and backward on the inside of my eyelids, but the stuff it's critiquing is so similar to Escaflowne it does make me a little sad how shallowly these stories were taken and then iterated upon with such diminishing returns. you can't so easily iterate on something that commented on and predicted not just the future of storytelling, but also us as people— and now we just try to rehash the old instead of making predictions/engaging with the present and future ourselves. or even the past, really. stuck in suspended animation trying to regurgitate what worked once for a world that decided none of it was needed anymore, and opted for the cheap, the easy, the impersonal. you can't just thoughtlessly breathe life into something that entire systems have deemed dead unless you also seek to confront, dismantle, and work outside those systems as much as possible— otherwise you're reanimating a corpse.

does anyone really give a shit about the live action Bebop remake? does it really hold a candle to the original? what's the point? why bother making bullshit if you could make something beautiful instead? WELL, because companies want more money. your nostalgia is someone at netflix's paycheque as they delete entire libraries of film from their catalogue. please god never remake Escaflowne. the circumstances which produced it are gone. we have moved on. it's horrible and unfair but that's what happened. we're in schlock city now, baby.

like just read the full text from the Bebop interstitial,

Once upon a time, in New York City in 1941... at this club open to all comers to play, night after night, at a club named "Minston's Play House" in Harlem, they play jazz sessions competing with each other. Young jazz men with a new sense are gathering. At last they created a new genre itself. They are sick and tired of the conventional fixed style jazz. They're eager to play jazz more freely as they wish then... in 2071 in the universe... The bounty hunters, who are gathering in the spaceship "BEBOP", will play freely without fear of risky things. They must create new dreams and films by breaking traditional styles. The work, which becomes a new genre itself, will be called... COWBOY BEBOP

that is a STRONG manifesto. nothing in Bebop or in Escaflowne is random. it is written and designed to be signfiicant, but that light shines more or less strongly on different elements within each. maybe if Escaflowne had outright stated its aims and ideals in this way, more people would've understood and appreciated its range and depth. maybe. maybe.

in either case, it's sad and disappointing that works of art made in a time where art spoke directly to us and asked things of us were/are sidelined. we weren't being condescended to by the art around us. we were being instructed to have standards and aspirations and conversations. i look at these beautiful, heartfelt pieces with wonder. i can't love them as mere slivers of their whole because i can see that those pieces aren't disparate, nothing exists on its own, every person and every relationship, every action and reaction, everything is important. pulling it apart only reveals more of how it's connected.

oh but look at this...

:^) cute

[salty-an-disco]

*thinks about how there's several different versions of Hero who acts a little different depending on which route you take him through–*

*thinks about how the Hero that appears in the middle of the final battle describes himself as being 'all of them'*

*thinks about how all those different Heroes might not have been able to completely integrate themselves into a single individual*

Conclusion: Hero would develop a system (a median system, to be more exact)

Yep. This was the main reason I started drawing different variants for Hero in different chapters and givin' them different names, everyone can go home now /lhj /silly

Anyway, since I already drew all the guys, might as well talk about them in the context of Hero being a system

(note: I've semi-recently found I, myself, am a system, so a lot of this is me processing this stuff and trying to puzzle things out through my blorbo. shout out to Hero for making this discovery a lot easier to digest. that means a lot of what I'm writing here comes from my own experience and perspectives. Also, I'll be calling the different Heroes 'facets', as that represents better what they are to him)

Since they all come from the exact same source (forms through Chapter I), they don't really see themselves as all that separate or different people. The different titles are more nicknames than anything, they're all 'Hero', just– from a slightly different angle and with different roles/priorities. Hero doesn't hear distinct voices in his head like Quiet, he's more like Shifty, in a way, having their feelings and different texture affect his behavior.

Hero is vaguely aware of these different facets, even giving them those titles as a way to organize and understand himself, but doesn't worry too much about it. That's just how he is.

As for the different facets and their role within the system–

– Hero: Host; front-stuck – Technically speaking, his route would be the Stranger one, as that's where he spent the least amount of time in Chapter I and didn't develop any other identity besides 'Hero'. Not necessarily the 'original', and would rather not worry about that lest it triggers another existential crisis, but is definitely the 'main one'. The main face that's always there. Behavior and thought-process can change depending on other facets present.

– Savior: Protector/Persecutor – Formed when his will power was broken and subdued by someone far stronger. Is intent on not letting that happen again. Very headstrong and certain of himself; he has to be, or else their willpower will break again. Mainly appears to help deal with threats much bigger than them. (Fun fact: in warped AU, he and Hero were fused together)

– Champion: Physical Protector – Formed by a desire to fight and persevere against an opponent that can kill you. Very strategy-minded, focused on better ways to get out of a confrontation alive. Will always try to get out of battles with the least amount of injuries to the body possible. Does not like confrontation, but will go through it if it means survival. Appears anytime there's a need to fight and/or survive. Often alongside Savior or Fledgling.

– Liar: Social Protector/Caretaker – Formed when forced to betray someone you previously intended on helping. Despite the title, Liar is very aversed to lying, and despises when others are being dishonest. Why play these weird games that just makes things more difficult? Can't we just be blunt with each other and makes things easier? Appears when the host feels judged or like he's being given an unfair assumption during a social encounter, or later on, when the host is thinkin' back to a certain social situation that didn't go too well. Helps process those leftover feelings and make sure the host is doing well emotionally and socially.

– Fledgling: Protector – Formed when made to feel cornered by a dangerous creature and clawed to death. Similar role to Champion, in theory, though he appears, more broadly, when the host starts feeling cornered in any way. Which doesn't happen solely in physical fights. Very helpful when appearing to deal with a physical threat, not so much when the threat is more emotional or social.

– Dashing: Emotion Holder/Uplifter – Formed from a desire to do nothing but good to someone else. Not as positive and optimistic as his paired voice during The Damsel, but still makes sure the host doesn't forget there's always a bright side and some hope to hold on to. Makes sure the host is taking the time to appreciate the things and people he love and that he isn't getting to caught up in worries and anxiety. (EDIT: may change this facet's name to 'Prince')

– Accomplice: Memory Holder/Cheergiver – Formed when despite your misgivings, you put your trust in someone else. His role is more vague than the others, but is generally there to give support to those outside of the system. Makes the host take a step back and let someone they trust take the reigns, for once.

– Haunted: Caretaker – Formed while spending a good few lifetimes in Nothingness. Not exactly sure what he's supposed to do here, but tries his best to help. Took some pointers from Cold and encourages the host to put feelings aside for now, if only to focus on taking care of the body before diving back into them. The one that knows self-care, and appears when the body desperately needs it.

– Dreamer: Trauma Holder – Formed as you tried to close your eyes and pretend there's no danger just in front of you. This one is Trauma Personified and mainly only appears when the host is triggered. When he appears, it's very difficult for Hero to differentiate reality from delusions, and it feels like he's back in the construct, fighting for his life and sanity.

– Ribbons: ???/Shell – Formed across 4 chapters; as more pieces broke off, very little was left of him. Less of a facet and more a general feeling of Nothingness. That can be useful when the host is feeling too overwhelmed to think. Just kinda makes Hero zone out and shut down when he appears.

Bonus: what it looks like when some of the facets are close to front. Whether or not Hero will shapeshift depends on how long a facet lingers, and how much they're affecting him. Often, he doesn't shapeshift at all despite the many facets that appeared throughout the day

[divinatorydoll]

planets in the twelfth house:

by popular demand, i'll be talking about each of the planets and what they mean when placed in the twelfth house !! the house of mystery, isolation, foresight, miracles, and self improvement

planets in the 12H will give the individual intuitive gifts, many 12H placements end up being psychic or have visions in their dreams. they are very introspective and need lots of alone time, but can think too much on their past mistakes or struggles

THE PLANETS THROUGH THE 12TH HOUSE:

the sun in the 12H: highly intelligent but do not like to express their smarts in a constrained environment. they tend to have controlling families, but will usually inherit familial wealth later in life. makes for good models, designers, artists, or creative directors

the moon in the 12H: very sympathetic to the needs of others, but can often forget their own. can be sensitive to comments about their lifestyle or interests. likes to spend a lot of time in the water because it emotionally renews them

mercury in the 12H: can have a bit of a 'speak when spoken to' demeanor in public. remarkable creativity but it can be hard for them to translate their ideas into reality. very resourceful because of their grand imagination, good to brainstorm with

venus in the 12H: incredibly musical. unique senses of style and taste that separates them from those around. exceptionally generous and nurturing to their loved ones. very beautiful, but can deal with insecurity in their appearance. the romantic life can be a bit difficult for them

mars in the 12H: makes for a great writer and musician !! fears conflict or displeasing people because of their own needs; mars struggles here because anger and energy is held in, rather than released through daily activities. finds relief in loud, aggressive fun

jupiter in the 12H: wonderful actors and playwrights, theatre and impersonation are great outlets for them. jupiter tends to bless the native "at the last moment" whenever they're in trouble. often remembered favorably by many people

saturn in the 12H: an excellent businessman position, very reliable and they're great at handling stress without it spilling onto others. usually carry a lot of spiritual and emotional responsibility for the people around them. their family values are very important to them

uranus in the 12H: often end up having influence over a lot of people like 12H saturn; very impactful on others because of their ideals and talents. can be quite defiant, likes to challenge the status quo regularly and involve themselves in social activism

neptune in the 12H: powerfully imaginative but are prone to escapism and daydreaming. deeply compassionate people, but can prioritize the feelings of others over theirs. have a strong allure and presence to them; usually have charming, enjoyable voices

pluto in the 12H: metamorphic, creative, and progressive. will go through a lot of different "eras" in their life, it brings them happiness to be able to change themselves dramatically and see what those changes bring. their talent, for whatever reason, brings them judgement from others

book a reading !!

my linktree

reader's note: the 12H and 8H both have a lot to with dreams, so for those who want to know more, here's my blog post about it !!

[velvetvexations]

So, I've officially watched the IWTV series.

Sam Reid was fantastic and I'm disappointed I did not give him a chance largely because he was not the kinna guy I find beautiful in the way I felt Lestat should be, and because my initial reaction to making Louis Black while keeping him White was rolling my eyes and worrying about how their relationship would be presented. Both Tom Cruise and Stuart Townsend are Lestat to me in completely different ways, as they're two completely different characters, and I think Reid's Lestat is a third unique interpretation that hews closer to a synthesis of the Lestat of the first book with the Lestat of the later books.

The show's Louis is, for the most part, a fantastic character. One of the changes I initially hated was that changing him to a New Orleans business man around the turn of the century took away from him starting from a morally wrong position, and thus his hypocrisy, but as I've stated before I was mollified some learning he was a brothel owner, so they clearly had put enough thought into the issue that they felt the need to try and find a rough equivalent. I don't think they fully succeeded there - Louis, if anything, seemed like exactly the kinna guy you would hope was running a brothel, but the show did not abandon Louis' hypocrisy there and took pains to portray him as someone who was not honest with himself.

I again do not think they fully succeeded there, but the attempt was made, and I think that's better than if they just brushed off that aspect of the plot and left it to wither. I did really enjoy the depiction of his interest in art; it seemed like something he threw himself into because he was desperate to define himself, it was essentially a mid-undeath crisis. But as far as morality went, it was weird. Sure, he left that guy's wife to be killed, but other than that it was hard to tell how the show wanted me to feel about the fact that the main cast is all a bunch of serial killers with kills in the tens of thousands. I do not feel like this was properly engaged with, and it made it difficult to empathize with the interpersonal problems of mass murderers treating each other immorally, as though it were supposed to be shocking.

This made Claudia's desire to seek out more vampires odd. In the movie,* Louis and Lestat were the only vampires she'd ever known, so it made sense, after thinking they'd killed Lestat, that Claudia would want to find more. After Lestat and Antoinette and Bruce, this is instead portrayed as her wanting to find vampires that "aren't bastards" - but is that not already Louis? If that's her primary motivation, I do not understand Louis not being enough. In the movie, the search for more vampires comes off almost like a hobby, but in the series, it's tied to her need for companionship, even though she and Louis already have that, or should already have that. In the movie, she did not need a companion until she and Louis could feel themselves drifting apart, but here it never feels like they develop that kinna connection in the first place.

Throughout, Louis never feels like he honestly cares that much about Claudia? At least not in the past. Their relationship feels weirdly hollow from start to finish. He only even seems mildly perturbed when Armand is pretty viciously emotionally abusing her.

I think the reason for this is that the original relationship between them was soulmates. Claudia was Louis' next mistake after Lestat, in a way. The series doesn't want to go too hard on that because it's creepy and uncomfortable and awkward even though she's been wisely aged up a bit yet again, but the end result is that it can't really seem to decide what they are to each other. Louis goes back and forth between describing her as a sister and a daughter even after she made a point of demanding that she be treated as the former and not the latter.

Had I been the showrunner I'd have aged Claudia up even more so she could have the vaguely romantic relationship with Louis without it being a really difficult thing to watch as an audience member the way it is in the movie. I feel like that element is worth preserving even at the cost of most of the "she's going mad because her body is frozen at a hormonal hurricane" stuff, which the series certainly mentioned often but did not play with in a meaningful way, at least in my view. You could take that out and still have everything go basically the way it did. The bigger issue with that would be that it might somewhat negate Claudia being based on Ann Rice's daughter who died tragically young, but I don't think making her an older teenager when she died goes against that much more than making her a younger teenager. That's still tragically young, if not quite the same situation.

As for Claudia herself, one of the first things that got me interested after being sure I'd hate it is that I saw bits of both actresses in the series and was really impressed with how they seemed to embody the character. I stand by that, both performances are enthralling, but especially Delainey Hayles, which I only say because Bailey Bass did not get the chance to perform the even greater role Claudia was in season two. I really have no doubt Bass would have done equally as well.

Even so, while every second she was on frame was an amazing effort on the actresses' part that are triumphs in a vacuum, I have some issue with how Claudia was written over the course of the series. Aside from what I was talking about above about her desire for companionship, she was also the worst hit by the "am I supposed to care that they kill people?" thing, because her first few episodes they seem to lean in to the perspective that she's the worst of the bunch with her gleeful, out-of-control take to killing, but after that it feels like the audience is meant to view her as genuinely innocent and completely sympathetic. The fact that she killed innocent people on a regular basis was put even further to the side with her than it was with anyone else.

I'm a big fan of Claudia being fully Chaotic Evil, something Lestat created but could not foresee what he was unleashing. And of course, Claudia's whole thing in the film is that she is the exact opposite, in every way, of the innocent face she puts on to lure victims. I loved Claudia's character in the series and I don't necessarily mind that it was different, like with my three Lestats, I could accept this as something different, but this aspect to her arc felt inconsistent and the show seemed unwilling to examine it.

On the topic of her creation, I think I still would have preferred Lestat doing it to babytrap Louis, but changing it to Louis doing it to selfishly try and absolve himself of his guilt felt like a good stab at getting into Louis faults as a person, so I cannot be overly harsh on this point.

Something I thought the series did very, very well was making Armand so incredibly hatable. I noticed I was getting really annoyed at the possibility his and Louis' relationship was going to be validated, so the fact that he eventually was revealed to being the lying bastard that he was and did indeed plan the trial himself, and then took credit for Lestat saving Louis, was a very cathartic moment. Such a pathetic bastard.

I don't have much to compare Daniel to. Obviously Daniel is a much smaller role in the movie, really only coming alive in the last few minutes and serving as a tool for the greatest ending scene a film will ever have. People who have read the books past the first probably have more to say about that. Within the context of the series, he was occasionally bothersome, but that was in and of itself the point of his character in a lot of ways, serving to upset the narrative and flip the tables on Louis and Armand. That came across well.

Ultimately, in spite of the changes I enjoyed the series a lot and I'm very excited for the third season.

*which is my primary 'source' for the franchise, it's been nearly twenty years since I read the book but I've rewatched the film a few times a year for the past few years

[v7lgar]

talk to me abt bitchkiller fucking nasty please

they always horny while the other isn't in the mood and it pisses barty off and makes sirius angry that it pisses barty off lmaooo he is like so u just wanna fuck me. and barty is like... fuck yeah i wanna fuck u tf u mean?? JDHJWJXJSJDJD

they fucking argue so much bcuz they're kinda alike and so diff in some sense and sirius is like comparing himself to regulus and he gets angry at barty bcuz he lets him compare and barty is like... i did not say anything abt ur brother!! and sirius is like BUT I KNOW U ARE THINKING IT!! HDHHSJDHD they're hilarious and mind u this convo happens when barty is in deep balls inside of sirius and they're doing it missionary but every time they're face to face they end up arguing abt smth ridiculous and barty ends up turning sirius over and fuck him so hard that sirius has no time to whine and argue abt anything and he just fucking moans like a whore and barty gets rile up bcuz a moment ago u are whining and bitching but look at u now. stretching around my cock and pushing urself to me. lemme watch that pretty hole of urs swallow my cock. take it like a good boy. oh u don't wanna be a good boy? fine u are still a whore that loves to get fucked as if u are not gagging for it.

they end up fucking hours and hours and barty gets so mean to him that sirius is like. holy fucking shit. no one ever treated me this way and i can't stop cumming. turns out he needed to be treated like this get fucked like a ragdoll bcuz barty is the only person who slaps him w hard facts and doesn't feel like he has to be nice to sirius just bcuz they're fucking. i mean imo barty has this crush on sirius forever but sirius made it so difficult to barty that being nice to him now barty is angry and horny and he wants to own sirius but he knows sirius isn't emotionally available and god knows he isn't either but like. sometimes he looks at sirius and he is in awe and can't believe he gets to touch him but it's always pushing and pulling w them and it's never easy. the only thing is easy abt them is when they fuck bcuz they click so good and the tension is fucking there and barty knows which buttons to push and he isn't afraid to give what sirius actually wants and sirius is like. this man does NOT give a fuck abt me but the way he fuck me so good i might let him rail me to the end of time even if it means fighting w each other for the rest of their intercourse lmfaooo

i think the only time they let themselves be nice to each other even if it means just a little bit is when they're both sleepy and they can't keep themselves from touching each other and they don't wanna bicker and fight they just want to... hold each other and sleep and never question it

[ladyloveandjustice]

I want to expand on what I'm talking about. And I said a little bit extra in the comments:

There's just some posts that have been going around about how to solve the issue of men swinging real right in America right now,which does have an impact on society. some guy was saying he was attacted to the right bc they were all 'welcome brother' but in the left people resent him. I think it's just. It's easier to go to an idealogy that's like 'you're entitled to this' than an idealogy that says 'hey you're not entitled to everything but you could be more emotionally healthy and kinder to other people and". That's something simply being nice or making them feel good won't ever fully fix. The "rewards" for being in the right will always feel more immediate for white men.

It's not unique to men to feel alienated in an idealogy that wants you to challenge yourself. At the same time, more kindness to everyone, emphasis on acceptance, less volatile language toward each other, will help the community be stronger over all. it is a difficult conundrum, but I don't think it comes down to 'we don't make men feel special enough

It also ignores I think, that white men DO get rewarded in leftist spaces too. a lot. Men will get a ton of adoration for saying something vaguely feminist than if a woman says it a lot of the time, and so on a so forth, everyone loves a sweet guy...I think that's something that already happens.

But let's get back to volatile language:

We always say guilt isn't going to help anyone and it isn't about guilt. But I think we need to admit that no, we do try to make people feel guilty and ashamed a lot. And not framing it around that most of the time would do a lot.

I've seen posts straight up saying it's a bad thing to want to survive and live happy lives and take actions to do this because (x) bad thing is happening. You know, the most basic human instinct? And that's not going to win over people. You may not like that, but it's not.

I don't think that needs to center on women helping men feel special about themselves. A lot of us are asked to take care of men all the time and it's exhausting. Men on the left can focus on being more positive about the concept of manhood if they want, but asking women to do the work. is just....yeah that's just the patriarchy.

I do think examining things like black masculinity etc is great though. If you have another marginalized identity, it will intertwine with masculinity in very specific ways that will be used against you, just as it is with femininity or being outside both those concepts (yet the world assigns you one anyway). I totally get that masculinity is used as a weapon against both gay men and gay women, in different specific ways. And I think at least learning about that and supporting efforts to stop this makes one a better person.

On the other hand. it would be insane of me to ask a Black woman to make a Black man feel special and accepted for simply being a man if she doesn't want to do that. Like. absolutely wild.

And it's it's rarely about that, is it? When we say "celebrate men" it's not bringing any unique experience into it. It's about white men. They're the ones who make up most of the alt-right.

Communities in the right are not compassionate but because they offer some form of reward and companionship they can seem like that. As much as people are lured in by "welcome brother" or whatever, those same people will on the right will mock any person who steps outside the strict roles that have been set.

So....we need to abolish to same roles. I think we need to focus on how we talk to people. On supporting people when they're trying.

It also comes off in how we talk to each other about basically I can harshly tell someone who has privilege over me-- a white man or straight person ect ect-- their guilt about their privilege does nothing, I'm not interested in guilt and what we need is action. But let's be real. Telling someone "you benefit from a system that makes other people suffer" is going to make someone feel guilty. And yelling at someone for feeling guilty isn't going to make that better. I think we avoid saying the truth and say what's the core of it-- no, it's not your fault you were born a certain way and now you benefit from something. A society hundreds of years in the making made that happen. And that sucks, that you basically have no choice but to be complicit. And it sucks way, way more for the people who are kept down by that system. So we need to change society. We can do it together. It's not to "make up" for you existing. It's because we care about each other. I want this for all of us, because when we see each other as whole people and are treated equally, it benefits all of us.

This is a not a "men are uniquely punished by the left for being men, we need to celebrate masculinity, stop being so mean" thing. It's a human thing. It's about the way we talk to each other and try to weild guilt towards people in general. People want to feel good about themselves. They want some kind of acceptance. If you're constantly made to feel bad, it can be hard to want to stay. This is something everyone feels, because we all have a selfish instinct.

People don't like feeling guilty. That's just how people are. It's promoting compassion, rather than hatred and resentment, that's going to help us in the end.

But me simply saying that isn't going to change much. Humans feel hurt and lash out too. When horrible things are happening to us, we resent people that don't understand that or are part of that. The paradigm shift will be hard. Not everyone will be able to do it and I don't think that's wrong.

Everyone gets frustrated by a class of people where a lot of them have more power and try to push them down. Nobody wants to talk to someone that's trying to hurt them.

That's why it needs to be someone like me who could explain racism 101 rather than idk. making a person of color say 'well white people don't feel special and accepted for being white. poc we must be nicer. let's celebrate whiteness because the right does and that's why white people are drawn to it, they feel accepted." listen to how ridic that sounds. you are literally asking for a white history month. That's the same thing you're doing when you're talking about manhood like this. The onus is not on the discriminated group to reach out to those harming them. That's up to others in the community.

But as a broader thing...We just need to figure out what the end game is. Do we want to yell and guilt trip, or do we want more people in our corner? What's more important, the end goal or if someone knows all the right lingo or matches up to your opinions exactly? What do we need to rally around? How can we take care of each other? If we're kinder to the community, more people will follow.

Anyway this is the last time i'll say some big thing like this and tag it. I don't like doing this on tumblr for a reason.

[wordstome]

I am having a goddamn nightmare of a time writing the university au (mostly because I have a shit ton of work to do…for my university…lol) so have some headcanons about the most toxic couple you’ve ever met. mdni under the cut

They’re like the definition of a situationship. They’re dating in every aspect except by name

At first she does try to sleep with other guys like she did before König but that doesn’t last long, because nobody else is as good as him. She will never admit this outside of the bedroom

Meanwhile he literally calls her his girlfriend behind her back

She’s emotionally unavailable toxic, he’s obsessive and possessive toxic

König enjoys the pursuit and just thinks it’s normal for women to be difficult like this. I would say “poor König” but he has a bad habit of picking her up and carrying her places against her will so he’s not that poor

She likes to tell herself she has no attachment to him, but she loves the ego boost he gives her by acting like a lovestruck puppy and following her everywhere. She’s also secretly into him being controlling

She does have her moments of genuinely caring about him, though. She brought him lunch once and he looked at her like she hung the moon the whole day. Her excuse was that she just happened to get/make an extra portion, but she did, in fact, get him a portion on purpose

She basically lives with him after a certain point. Her roommates barely see her anymore since she only comes and goes from her old place to get things. He constantly threatens to change the locks on her, but they both know it’s an empty threat. He much prefers to punish her in sexy ways

She'll just be minding her own business talking to a classmate or perhaps flirting with someone when König will come up behind her and put his arms around her. If she was just talking to someone she'll pat his face before attempting to shoo him off. If she was flirting with someone, she wrenches him off her and storms off in a huff (whoever she was talking to has definitely fled from König's evil eye by that point)

They don't really fight, they just have spats because König is endlessly amused by her anger and she is unable to stay mad at him for long. The one time they had a real fight was nasty, and they didn't talk for days afterwards

She's usually quite a chill, go with the flow person (because if she allowed herself too much stress or anxiety at once it would destroy her), but König brings out the spitfire in her

In equal measure, König is a bit of the shy and quiet giant type, but she brings out the brat tamer in him. They alternate balancing each other out

It's kind of easy to look at them and go "why are they still doing this to themselves" but when they get along (i.e. he's behaving himself and she's not pretending not to know him) they're as functional as any other couple

This definitely goes without saying: the nastiest most bed-breaking sex. They fuck like they’re trying to murder each other

I know it's a pet peeve of many people when they say the reader is ooooo so small and delicate next to the cod men, and I tend to agree. However, unless you are also nearly seven feet tall and built like an olympic swimmer, I'm just gonna say you're smaller than König

That being said, he LOVES using his size against her. Picking her up, bending her over things, bending her in half (mating press, his beloved)

If he wants her to stay, she'll stay. He'll have one hand on her throat pinning her down, the other keeping her open to slam into her

This brat will look him dead in the eye and ask "is that all you've got?", which obviously makes him lose his mind in the best way

She definitely has more experience than he does, which actually works out in his favor: him getting better at fucking really just means he's getting better at fucking her

They're so goddamn nasty they've definitely fucked in semi-public places because she teased him to the point of madness and he popped a boner so hard it was painful

Oh, the dirty talk. König is such a gentleman outside of the bedroom, but the degradation that comes out of him while he's fucking her is toe-curling. A lot of "nobody else can fuck you like this" and "all you're good for is taking me in your tight little hole"

He growls??? I don't know if y'all have heard his voicelines in German but he snarls at her when he's trying to teach her a lesson and it turns her into putty

This post is dedicated to @kneelingshadowsalome, who is waiting for this fic so patiently and is my shining beacon of motivation at this point lol

[iwoulddieforher]

Here’s an ask! (For Casey x Alex obviously lol)

You’ve mentioned a couple times Casey tends to be self deprecating. How does Alex support her?

When/how does Alex realize Casey uses the batting cages/gym as an outlet (and takes it too far sometimes)? How does she handle it?

Oh! And while I’m on firsts! How about the first time Alex sees Casey in one of her shirts that say Cabot? (Loved the stealing clothes stuff btw!)

Thank you so much for the ask <333 I LOVE ASKS I LOVE TALKING GRAAHHHHH

This got hella long!!! Warnings for discussion of self harm, self hatred, blah blah blah and also implied sex below.

Have this picture of upset Casey (fittingly for what I ramble borderline incoherently about here) so the reply doesn't seem so short above the divider

It's always difficult for me to write more comforting interactions between the two, because as much as it feels natural to make them comfort each other to a really high degree, I want to keep the characterization provided by the show as closely as possible and thus despite my intrinsic urge to project the way I personally as an author want someone to treat me if I was in the high-stress scenario these two find themselves in, the reality of it is overt comforting probably would not work well on either of them. They're both strong, independent and emotionally resilient women- and the flaws they have oftentimes probably could not be directly addressed or they'd just withdraw and become defensive.

Thus, since Casey slips self-loathing comments into casual conversations, it always comes off more as a wry joke, and that's why other people such an Olivia or Elliot just assume she's poking fun at herself or venting frustration. Alex, too, initially perceives similar, but then she starts registering Casey's 'tells'. The way her hand flexes as though she wants to bite the fingernail on her thumb and has to consciously hold herself back from doing so, the way she refuses to make eye contact with anyone and if she is forcing herself to do so anyway her gaze is very blank because she's not actually looking, the angle of her shoulders and collarbones in relation to her spine- stupidly specific, intricately tiny things in Casey's body language that show, no, she's actually really stressed. When the correlation between these minor actions and Casey's comments jumping to a more frequent pattern emerges, Alex realizes this is actually an issue and although Casey conceals it by jesting she's being dead serious, she does believe she's unworthy of what she has or incapable or whatever else negative Casey believes about herself.

Since noticing it at all used such attention to detail and the actions are so minor they're unexplainable, Alex realizes that if she approached this issue head-on Casey would probably do a wonderful job at gaslighting her into believing she was making up problems, so she doesn't. Instead, she simply begins peppering praise and reassurance throughout daily interactions, enough that Casey realized it had increased but not much that she'd grow suspicious. Little things, like staring at Casey's figure for a little bit extra long so Casey would notice Alex was admiring, making sure to smile down at the legal notes Casey had asked her to review so when Casey studied her face intently while Alex read she'd know Alex was beyond proud of her, or just straight on whispering compliments into Casey's hair when they passed eachother in hallways.

Eventually, she did see Casey's deprecating comments decrease, and instead when Casey was stressed she subconsciously sought out Alex because she knew she'd find gentle praise and reassurance from her when Casey felt as though she was lacking.

I think your second ask is somewhat asking for a continuation of Softball to the Ribs (Kiss it), so I'll just talk about the storyline I would've written had I decided to make a next part (which I won't, all my fics exist solely as one-shots);; Alex finds out because Casey did tell her in the bathroom that it was a softball, she just didn't know the details of how the injury occurred. I think Casey would never tell her, Alex would find out from something like Life360/Find my Phone since it would make sense to me that at some point they start sharing locations due to the nature of their job. Casey vanishes for random hours at a time when she's grappling with heavy caseloads and Alex checks it to find her location as being at the batting cages. The first time she sees it she does nothing, she just makes sure a warm bath is already all set up for her when she comes home and drops by an Apotheke (what the hell is Apotheke in English????? nOt my language) to pick up muscle rub and then pretends she's initiating sex as an excuse to massage it into her. Casey is nonethewiser.

Eventually, though, when Casey has been gone too long or it's happened back to back on multiple days, Alex goes to the batting cages and sort of just sits in the corner with her legal notepad and despite being uncomfortable in the weird sporty setting proceeds to try to work there. Her presence is grounding for Casey and it makes her want to push herself less because she doesn't want Alex to watch her get hurt- and when Alex gets bored of faux scribbling random shit she just starts being the one who controls the batting cage so she can press the button to stop it if she thinks it's going too far.

Self-harm is a very difficult issue and I wrote Casey to be using exercise dependence as a means to do it, and I have a concern with many fics in which a character's romance causes them to suddenly lose interest in what is a destructive coping method, and I think at least in my experience that's unrealistic. Self harm is wildly addictive and Casey is dependant on this to make her feel as though she's coping with stress she otherwise can't, and although Alex would obviously love to step in and pull that feeling out of her, that's just... not how life works, most of the time. If it was something like cutting or burning one self, obviously that's an entirely different story, but where the line between healthy exercise and an overt dependence that leads to self destruction ... that's hard to differentiate at times. What athlete hasn't accidentally gotten injured? The same story could exist in which Casey uses exercise as a healthy method to deal with stress (literally in the show that's what it is.) and the whole thing happened by genuine accident if it wasn't for the fact Casey simultaneously wasn't eating. If her ribs weren't visible in that fic Alex probably wouldn't have known something was seriously wrong. But I wrote Casey as intentionally putting herself in positions in which the risk for it is very high, and not caring for herself after- but how could Alex read Casey's internal dialogue and draw the line somewhere? It's complicated.

Alex focuses, then, on fostering a nurturing, loving environment and accepting every part of Casey as she is.

She can't directly stop Casey from participating in sports but she does ensure Casey eats and sleeps to a healthy degree and if she realizes something like Casey skipping meals more than is normal for people with inconsistent work schedules she'll do something to make sure Casey gets the care she needs.

Eventually, through this environment and Alex's comfort, Casey can build the emotional skill set required to cope with stress adequately - that's the ultimate goal, because even if Alex did somehow twist exercise out of her grasp, there's always the possibility something in their relationship would break and Casey would fall straight back into it. Alex is smart enough to avoid that possibility.

Finally, the first time Alex realized Casey was wearing something of her's was one of the first times the accidental swapping of blazers occurred that I described in the other post. Alex had stopped by Casey's office with food during a lunch break and while they ate Casey extended her arm to reach for something, and Alex realized her name was on the sleeve. Cabot suddenly becomes very bothered and jumps Casey's bones the second they're somewhere more private because holy shit does the idea of Casey being her's and similarly labeled do something for her.

[wolfertinger]

Salem isn't going to a crisis hotline, and I resent the imposition that random people on the internet who have no training should be held to the same standard, nay guilted into doing so. People who are actively suicidal hide it: they don't fucking splash it all over their social media pages multiple times a week while literally begging someone to coddle them and give them attention. This is suicidal ideation mixed with clear attention seeking, and I'm really tired of this newgen internet mind set of EVERYONE WHO THREATENS SUICIDE IS ACTIVELY GOING TO DO IT. You saw this a lot with James Somerton, someone who had a clear history of suibaiting but if you acted like he was perhaps using suicide as a manipulation of his young emotionally vulnerable queer audience you were treated as if you were rooting for his death. (Until he was found posting hole on main, lol)

No, they aren't. Sometimes in the moment they feel like they truly do want to die. Sometimes they're, actively or unconsciously, using the empathy and goodwill of other people for attention/soothing. Ideation and suicidality can bleed into each other and are not the same thing, many people with ideation never even attempt and even less actually commit suicide. You are not actually required as a layperson to deal with someone telling you they want to kill themselves over and over and over again for months, especially if they're doing it during arguments, and this idea of "uwu it only takes a moment of your time" falters when it becomes a constant behavior done with a clear purpose. It is one of the most emotionally draining and terrifying things to have someone tell you over and over they want to die while doing nothing to change what triggers them and expecting you or others to 'fix' their emotional state for them. No one should have to be a living crutch like that, ESPECIALLY random internet passerby who can do nothing to actually help you. 

This all may sound callous, but I shouldn't have to spill out my own stories with suicide to be taken seriously. Look into suicidal ideation vs actual suicidality, do your own research, it's not difficult. 

^

[flores-desyatov]

hi i've been in my feels a little bit since vanya posted the family pics and i just need to share it with someone. i am very much following all the competition updates and polls and rankings and techical elements and sport mumbo jumbo, but that's not what i'm in the mood to talk about. i need to rant about mushy emotional things.

i don't know, i just feel like this partnership/friendship/whatevership that b&v have has helped them so much in growing into good grown people and we're still only at the start of it. i can see it in vanya specifically. over the course of this last year he's becoming softer and more relaxed in his own skin and his new life. you can tell that this place bella lead him to has allowed him to be more carefree than he was before. which is especially important considering he lost his parents so young and had to leave his home to escape war. all people he knew before coming to the us, sadly including his brother, he has to chase around the world to actually be with them in real life. places he considered important to him he won't be able to see for years. i can't imagine not being able to see my family home or visit my family cemetary. those are very emotionally difficult things to deal with at such a young age and of course i'm just a spectator on the internet, but i feel like this place he managed to find half way across the world is safe and caring. and he found it by meeting the world's sweetest girl. a girl that believes in herself in spite of the odds and loves people very openly. she is fucking lightning in a bottle and her smile could power cities!!! people like that are rare to find and that girl is his partner. her energy and light make it so easy to forget how hard life can be. it's such an admirable quality of character. it's why people connect to her and her videos, she's welcoming and she radiates warmth and joy. she spreads it wherever she goes. i just find all of that so very moving. there's something so vulnerable and human in their circumstances. because if you really dissect it, them becoming partners saved her career and his life. they found each other by chance, managed to understand each other beyond language barriers and chose to do this thing they love more than anything else together. he repaired the trust her ex-partner broke. he never lets her doubt herself and always tries to catch her when she falls. she gives him peace and space to be childish and silly, even if it's at her expense. again i'm just a spectator, but i think he makes her bolder and she makes him softer. whatever they may be to each other, there's no doubt that they truly enjoy one another. i think that's the exact thing people get so attached to beyond the whole will-they-won't-they booktok fantasy. they make each other grow and you can feel it!!

sorry for waxing poetic about random athletes we found on the internet hahaha. there's just something very "mortifying ordeal of being known" about them, you know? kinda makes me slightly believe that the right circumstances will just find you when you least expect them.

My first instinct was to kinda deflect and say they're in their 'character development era' but honestly this is just such a beautiful message you sent here. I just wanna let it see the light of day (hope you don't mind) because I'm sure others have felt the same about B&V. I know I have.

It's part of what makes their chemistry to interesting to watch. Here are two people who have found themselves in the same place (for a second time), both of them with a dream of success, both of them going through a big change, adjusting to a new reality and still managing to make each other better people in the process. It's a beautiful story, even from the outside looking in 🤍

[variousqueerthings]

predictions going into the finale (not tonight, but this upcoming week)

so off the back of this season i feel like several pieces have been set to potentially come full circle/move into the next stage of the story during or because of the finale:

fraser and ray: they're officially friends and they've both gone quite far for each other in asylum and dead man walking, the latter of which had ray being willing to hide a body in the police station from the police for the sake of ray vecchio at fraser's behest, but they're "untested" on the really big stuff. i think something big is going to happen and ray will be there in fraser's corner -- this will be both in terms of something immediate (mortal danger?) and emotionally

fraser and meg: in a very awkward place, will be difficult to navigate -- we've had her assertion that she would kill for him, but also then ofc what happened during their last interaction, which seemed to really break things. possibly this will affect the finale in some way? either they'll sort something out or it'll linger/be referenced in some noticeable way?

bob fraser in the closet: his ghost!dad has generally been more emotionally supportive this season, or at least mostly better at connecting with him. also someone mentioned being sorry to hear about his death for the first time since... maybe the pilot??? there's something about grief in this season that has been unlocked due to ray vecchio's leaving and it's spilled into all kinds of other places that were perhaps stoppered but never fully dealt with -- especially his father's death. will this be revisited in some way?

both rayk's and fraser's mental states have been given a fair bit of focus throughout this season. i wonder if this frayed-ness will come to the fore and have them both become more stable as consequence of each others support

will stella be there/have an effect on the narrative?

same goes for frannie

since it's a double-episode, in a more general sense I assume the first half will set up some big idea that'll have the fallout occur in the second half. i wonder if it'll be something that might shake fraser's support structures to see who's really on his side and perhaps will come full circle with how the season began (fraser as a wild man in canada somehow?) --

i do think about how victoria's secret saw victoria attempting to frame him in order to push him into a corner and i wonder if this time a villain we've seen before in this season will trip him up, and similarly make fraser have to reevaluate himself in the world (or maybe it'll be a seemingly random series of events that cascade...? but something breaks in the first half, is the feeling im having)

will law enforcement fail him? except for ray kowalski perhaps?

and then, thematically: grief, healing, finding some connection, staving off the loneliness, rebuilding yourself (or starting to) when you've had a period of feeling like you've fallen to pieces

tonally: could it be towards the darker end of the show? s3 has generally been more somber on the whole -- yes, s1+2 had some really intense episodes, but s3's overall tone has included more overt and gruesome deaths throughout, more darkly lit scenes, more bleak surrealism, and more narratives of main characters feeling lost and unsure of themselves

so perhaps this will be the vibe of the finale, faced head-on

we'll see!

secret final question is: how much do s3+4 connect? does one lead into the next narratively, or are they more emotionally attached? i don't think it'll end on a cliffhanger, but let's see