#Why can’t they enjoy their introverted self and instead constantly think there’s something wrong with them

[lieutenant-amuel]

This is probably not that common but I honestly rarely like characters who are like me personality wise.

[sunshyntakami]

Dating Todoroki

Todoroki x reader fluff/ g/n

Warnings: Slightly NSFW

WC: 2,2k Oops…                  

Affection: (how the person show affection to lover) Todoroki hasn’t received much affection as a child. His father only using him to surpass Almight and his mother not being around it’s safe to assume that Todoroki finds it difficult to show affection although he is not good at showing it he still try’s. Like he’d make you your favorite meal so you don’t have to or ask you what you want to do.  

Believe-in: (What the character believes what love should look like.) Todoroki believes love should be genuine and people should be together for nothing but love not personal gain from the relationship.

Cuddles: (How the character gives cuddles.) Todoroki would cuddle you while watching a show or anything playing on tv with you but he is in his prime with cuddles after you and Todoroki do the deed. He definitely prefers to be the big spoon because he feels like he is protecting you. wrapping his strong arms around you whilst he nuzzles the nape of your neck. He would love to hum on your ear just to see your cute reactions. He definitely waits until you sleep before he dozes off.

Dancing: (How the character dances and how does the character react to they s/o dancing.) Todoroki is not much of a dancer and every time you ask him to dance with you he pretends he doesn’t enjoy it when he really loves it. The feeling of you and him gazing into each other’s eyes and you wrapping your arms around the back of his neck joined by the close distance between you two drives him up the walls. He likes watching you dance especially when you ugly dance the way you move without a worry and with a care free attitude makes him grateful that he can see you in your happy points.

Entertainment: (How he and his s/o entertain themselves.) He loves learning about your hobbies and loves doing them with you even more. He enjoys sharing his hobbies to such as reading, running, making origami animals and swimming. You and him would have mini competitions like races in the pool or on land. He is very competitive but he doesn’t mind losing to his lover as long as you played fair. One thing he really enjoys playing is childish games with you such as playing at the jungle gym or braiding each other’s hair.

Fights: (How the character handles conflict between them and their s/o) In every relationship there will be disagreements between the parties. This however is Todoroki least favorite thing to do. He despises the idea of raising his voice at you vice versa. If you and Todoroki get into an argument and it starts getting tense he leaves the room and that often leaves unresolved issues. This however makes you more furious but he only does this because he does not want to end up saying something nasty that might hurt you and he hates the look in your eyes when you’re angry he only wants to see you smile but after you and him calm down he will gently hug you and try to resolve the conflict while you’re in his arms.                      

Grammar: (How the character speaks to his lover.) Todoroki is already a well-spoken young man but when it comes to his lover he speaks with a more relaxed tone and emotive language. He try’s his best not to curse out even though you constantly remind it’s okay. He isn’t much of the talkative kind of guy so it won’t be wrong to assume his an introvert. So behind closed doors he is a really talkative because his comfortable with you and trusts you.

Hangover: (How the character treats their s/o during a hangover.) Todoroki isn’t much of a drinker so when you start drinking he just spectates and makes sure your safe. If you do however get a hangover, he makes sure you are all clean before laying you down his bed if you however make a mess he will be more than willing to bath you. When you are warm and clean he will rest you on his bed while he speaks to you if you are still conscious. When you fall asleep he will snuggle you and play with your hair until he slumbers.                            

Intimacy: (How the character choses to be intimate to his s/o.) Todoroki feels most intimate when you and him are snuggled up together in his favorite cuddle position, sharing each other’s goals, dreams and deepest secrets. While engaging eye contact of course. He prefers to do cuddle time at night or the beginning of sunset. You and him do get intimate by doing the do and frankly I think he really enjoys it because it’s another way to show just how much he truly loves you. He just really adores being close to you.

Jingle jersey: (How the character spends festive season with their s/o) Todoroki used to hate Christmas because it meant being under the same roof with his old man for an extended amount of time but ever since you came into his life he loves the holiday. The fact that he can spoil you is his favorite part and the look you have when you unwrap the present he gave you really makes him explode with a cuteness overload. He loves wearing the scratchy Christmas jerseys as long as it matches yours. You are also an excuse for him not to spend Christmas with his family.              

Kids: (What is the character’s view of children) Todoroki would love to be the father of his lover’s child but he isn’t really stuck to the idea he wouldn’t mind not having children. If he would have children he would come across as strict to them when really he doesn’t want them to get hurt. He will definitely allow his children to be their own person and not force them into things because he knows first-hand how that feels and he would never allow his children to experience that.

Love language: (What the character’s love language is.) Quality time. Todoroki feels most loved when he spends time with you all snuggled up there isn’t much to it the guy really loves you and wants you by his side.

Memory: (The character’s favorite memory of their s/o) This memory happened on his favorite holiday, Christmas. You and him were at his place which was hectically decorated with festive deco. You and him were sitting on his sofa drinking chocolate milk. Todoroki said something you found very funny and before you knew it chocolate milk was oozing down your nose. You were so embarrassed and kept apologizing for messing up Todoroki’s couch he found it so cute. He was truly happy that he could make you laugh that much. You however hate this memory and sometimes Todoroki teases you a bit.

Night-out: (How they spend the night out with their s/o) Todoroki doesn’t really like going out because of his introverted ways he would rather spend the night home with you but if he has no choice his go to place is the movies because people are forced to be quiet. He does cheesy things like yawning with is arms stretched out and rests it on you. He likes sharing popcorn with you and half the time his staring at you instead of watching the movie. His favorite genre is psychological horror he loves piecing the clues and predicting the end before the conclusion of the movie. If you and Todoroki are sitting right at the back of the theatre, he would tease you by grabbing your inner thigh and squeeze it and whisper about all the things he could do to you if you guys were home.

Optimism: (How exited they get when they see their s/o) Todoroki acts like a teenage girl in love. He does cute things like blushing and he gets a bit nervous every time he sees you. You are like his light to his dark tunnel. He gets all happy around you and believes he can do anything as long as he has you.

Pet-names: (What pet names does the character use with their s/o) Todoroki doesn’t mind when you call him names but his favorite that makes him feel so good inside is when you call him your hero he can’t help but blush, he can’t even stop himself from smiling. As for him he calls you by the simple names like baby or darling.

Quirk: (The cute ways they use they quirk) Todoroki really enjoys using his quirk to help you out for example you were just drinking tea then it becomes cold Todoroki with use his fire quirk to heat it up or when it’s really hot he will use his ice quirk to make his arms cold so he can wrap them around you to enable you to feel cooler.

Regret: (What would be the character’s regrets if they broke up with their s/o) For whatever reason you and Todoroki split up his biggest regret would have been the lack of affection he gave you. I mentioned earlier that he would not be the best in showing affection so that would be his down fall. He would have wished he tried harder to show affection.

Scent: (How the character smells like and what they like their s/o to smell like.) He really likes the aroma flowers give off so he likes it when you smell like them he finds it so charming and relaxing. He smells like men’s cologne you really like it but his natural scent smells rather woody almost resembling the fragrance moist wood/mist has.

Touch: (How long the character can go without touching their s/o) Todoroki is very disciplined and he has a high level of self-control but when it comes to you it’s quite the opposite. In other words he can’t last very long. He just enjoys the feeling of your warm skin under his hands so you can imagine activities like NNN are very hard for him but you don’t let your dear Todoroki go through that.

Understanding: (How much understanding does the character have with their s/o) Todoroki makes an effort to try and see where you are coming from in different situation. You and Todoroki have a high understanding level because you and him communicate often that’s why arguments between the two of you are very seldom but that doesn’t mean they don’t happen.

Venting out: (How much does the character vent out to their s/o) Todoroki is not shy when it comes to communicating with you. You guys can literally talk about anything and that’s one of the many things he loves about you. You can talk about how much you displeasure Endeavour to why everybody should be a feminist his very opened-minded.

Wedding: (The character’s view on marriage) Being with you for the rest of his life makes his stomach get all fuzzy but he doesn’t think he needs marriage to achieve that. He wouldn’t mind tying the knot with you but he doesn’t think it’s that necessary. Does have a slight of a negative outlook on marriage because of the home he grew up in of course but as long as it’s genuine he would love to marry you.                              

X-Ray: (The character’s personality) Todoroki is caring, understanding might come off as having a cold personality but it only seems like that because his not used to you. people might not think it but Todoroki quite hilarious and a good hearted person. Of course no one’s perfect he can come across as rude and has major trust issues.

Yoga: (Do they like doing yoga with their s/o) Todoroki thought yoga is a fancy way of saying stretching he really likes doing it with you. He especially likes how you look in the yoga tights and you often catch his staring. He thinks it’s a great way to relax and spend time with you without spending money or getting social stimulation.

Zoo: (character’s view on zoos) He dislikes the idea of them. The fact animals are trapped for human entertainment really gets to him. The one time you and Todoroki went to the zoo you and him decided to go to the monkey section of the zoo when you and the zoo keepers weren’t paying attention Todoroki broke the lock with his ice side of his versatile quirk and set the monkeys free. He then later on got in trouble and had to do community service he didn’t mind though because he knew he got in trouble for a good cause.                                                                                                        

 Creators note: I really enjoyed making this although I don’t simp™ for Todoroki but I do watch Bnha so I got a rough idea about who Shouto Todoroki is. Hope you enjoyed a NSFW alphabet will be coming soon. You can request. I will be making some rules regarding that.  

[funkymbtifiction]

Okay, so I went through your descriptions of EFJs vs ETJs to see if I could see my Tert function. From what I can tell, it’s definitely Fe. That has pushed me to do some thinking. Here are some of my thoughts. Let me know what you think when you get the chance.

- I consider myself an ethical person, but most of time when I say something is wrong, I mostly mean that it will upset people. It’s not so much that action is inherently wrong, and if people didn’t care, id probably care less too. All this is probably amplified by being a 9.<-- this probably rules out strong Fi, yes. Fi is an internal system of measuring everything, constantly, against Self to gauge their internal moral reaction to it, through self-insertion, self-referencing, and a need to be true to one’s own firm feelings on something, even as a 9 (eg: a Fi user admitting they hate Hamlet in a room full of academics who love Shakespeare; the Fi user doesn’t give a damn that everyone else present loves it, and that won’t change how they feel about it)

- My tendencies when stressed are very Fe heavy. I become very interested in people pleasing (I’ll buy people stuff like pizza, and I’ll get extremely apologetic). At worst, I’ll get emotionally aggressive, demanding to know why the person doesn’t care about me. Usually said person has no idea what I’m talking about. <-- yeah, sounds low Fe accusatory / needy

- I need some sort evidence that people care about me. In highly skeptical of quiet bonds where people show their interest. Even with long term friends, I will be uncertain of our relationship unless I see outward evidence. <-- contentment with the silent bond is more typical for Fi-doms than other types

- I struggled with speech problems growing up, but since gaining confidence, I tend to think I can talk my way through most things. The interview part of job hunting doesn’t make me nervous but I tend to think I can just charm the people as long as I’m qualified.

- I love people (it’s hard for me to be interested in something not related to people), but I am somewhat detached from them. I tend to interact with people by playfully mocking them, a trait that becomes worst the more I like someone/am comfortable with them. I also do things like trying to figure out a friends mbti type so I understand them better and be a better friend, instead of actually spending the time with them. It seems to me like a weak feeling approach of thinking if you understand the person logically, the relationship will magically get better (probably some ne optimism thrown in their) .<-- just being a Ne-dom, IMO. I do this too. I approach people with detachment but also humor, get them to like me, and then analyze them to figure them out, though I do enjoy spending time with people. I’m never “close” to them, though, there’s always the invisible Fi barrier between us.

- I am insecure about my emotions and don’t always feel comfortable talking about them. But I do end up talking about them a lot (mostly through rants), and even if I don’t talk about them, they are usually still very clear. I don’t bother hiding my emotions most of the time, and people can tell what I’m feeling. For example, if I am somewhere I don’t want to be, everyone will be able to tell. Sometimes I amplify this because I want people to know I’m upset, sometimes it’s just obvious. <-- again, ditto. Since I’m a 6 and an extrovert, I can’t hide my true feelings for anything and people can usually tell I’m upset, but I will pull away and not speak to them or go hide or write things down and share them, rather than say them outright, since that’s easier for me to do than talk.

- Adding on to the last point, there was a time where I purposely practice hiding my emotions because I felt my negative emotions would be hard on those around me. Although the aim was to appear more introverted in feelings, the motivation seems very Fe to me. <-- true. I hide things because they’re mine and no one else’s business.

- Unique Characters and emotions are super important to me in writing, but I think it differs from an nfp in two regards. For one, I’m mostly focused on a reader’s emotions (I like causing emotional pain whenever possible). I do try to write characters that are unique as individuals, but I don’t do this on an emotional level. I’m more focus on how they think, and how they all understand the world differently which seems Ti. <-- I 100% want to hit you where it hurts in a story and make you care about a character, especially if they have to die; not doing so means their death was in vain. Every good writer intends to emotionally engage the audience. And being a head type, I write characters through my head and theirs more than my feelings or their feelings, though I do also focus on making sure their feelings are consistent -- and I know what their motives are and want the audience to know as well. But there are constant Fi themes in everything I write (moral conundrums and challenges, places where characters face tough choices or must decide between their ethics and opportunism, etc).

- I have a Tendency towards some emotional manipulation (for example when I was younger, I convinced my dad to unofficially adopt a stray dog by what I realize now was basically guilt tripping him). <-- I recruit people to my side too, but use logical reasoning more than emotional manipulation.

All in all, I’m leaning ENTP 9(8?) for me at the moment.<- sounds accurate.

[innately-pretentious]

I was hoping I could have a ship for DPS, Harry Potter, Stranger Things, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off if it's not too much. I've got golden blonde hair and I'm about medium height, just above average. I have light freckles on my nose and forehead. I love to read and write. I'm working on writing my own novel as well and hoping I can get it published soon. I'm a total romantic, probably a little too much so. I pride myself on my intelligence. I'm an introvert and sometimes a little shy.

I ship you with Todd!

The two of you would make the sweetest couple. You both have similar personalities, therefore it was only a matter of time before something pushed the two of you together. He constantly saw you around the town near Welton, and both being introverts, it took a while for one of you to actually make a move. It was Charlie who literally shoved him in your direction and forced him to ask you out on the spot. You couldn’t help but smile as he blushed and asked you to dinner that evening, his hands were shaking in his pockets the whole time.

He is very hesitant to do grand romantic gestures, but that is not to say he doesn’t display how much he cares about you at any given moment. He knows that you definitely have a romantic side and is always racking his brain to show you how he feels. His family does have money, therefore whenever you see him you always come home with some expensive bunch of flowers, however he loves to find ways to surprise you instead of just throwing money at material things.

One of his more memorable moments was when he first asked you out on a date. He knew you were somewhat of a hopeless romantic yourself, he spent the majority of the day brainstorming with Neil and Knox about what to do. He took the whole day decorating the cave where they held the dead poet meetings, taking a trip into town to get some food and making Charlie get him a bottle of wine. You saw how much effort he put into all of this, candles decorated every surface giving the cave a soft glow. You spent the entire evening talking about your favourite writers and what you wanted to do in the future. Honestly he could watch you for hours, watching you face light up as you passionately talk about what interests you.

When he finds out you are writing a novel, he is beyond impressed, jumping at almost every opportunity to read what you wrote. You often come to each other for advice, whenever you have writers block he is always there to help you come up with new ideas, he is almost too hesitant when it comes to criticise your work. You often have to force it out of him, even if he insists it is perfect on your first draft. You are often there for him as well, helping him through his anxiety or self deprecating thoughts. Calming him down when he is overwhelmed, allowing him to cling to your jumper as he buries his head in your neck, softly telling you what’s wrong. He often thinks it’s selfish how needy he is, but you are one of the only people he lets his guard down for, he is grateful to have you.

The song I associate with you guys would be ‘White Winter Hymnal’ by Fleet Foxes.

I ship you with Cedric!

This is honestly such a cute match! Being one of the most popular boys in his year, he never really had trouble attracting the attention of girls. However he noticed you were more reserved than his other classmates, but he knew who you were nonetheless. Priding yourself on your intelligence is something he respected and loves your passion for knowledge. Hardly being shy about asking you out, he had no problem approaching you inviting you on his next trip to Hogsmead. He couldn’t help but smile at the way your cheeks turned slightly more pink, relieved when you agreed to go with him. You didn’t notice it at the time, but as he turned the corner he did a slight victory jump, already thinking up ideas for what the two of you could get up to.

He loves your kind and caring nature, wanting to know more about you and determined to make you come out of your shell more, making you want to share more of yourself with him. He is pleasantly surprised when you show him your more outgoing side. He remembers the first time you really made him laugh, with his head tilted back wiping his eyes as he tries to stifle his amusement. Looking back at you as if you are the only one in the room, it’s the moment he realises he made the right choice.

Something you learn to love is his more extroverted nature, he always knows the best idea for a date. One of his favourites was when you agreed to go flying with him to watch the sunset. Being a romantic is something you both share, however he is slightly more subtle, but this didn’t stop him from spending most of the afternoon flying on his broom searching the grounds for the best place to observe the view! Settling on a small platform on a steep hill, you could see the sun slowly set over the long, winding river. You let you head rest on his shoulder whilst he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, softly tracing patterns into your arm. He wished you could stay like that forever.

He doesn’t focus too heavily on looks, however he is undeniably attracted to you. Your golden blonde hair is stunning to him, he often finds himself absentmindedly combing his fingers through it as you lay on his chest, just enjoying each other’s company. He often jokes how it is the same as his house colours, mumbling how is is sometimes difficult to find you in his house stands at a quidditch match! Another thing he loves is your freckles, he always recognises them as something special about you. Brushing his thumbs across your cheeks whilst sitting in the Hufflepuff common room, he says they remind him of constellations he used to find at as a kid.

The song I associate with you two would be ‘Baby I’m Yours’ by Arctic Monkeys.

I ship you with Jonathan!

You two would work so well together! You both had known each other pretty much all your lives, growing up a few streets away you were no stranger to the Byers family. As time progressed you both began harbouring feelings for each other, the two of you being to shy to say anything in fear of ruining you friendship.

You were the only one who really knew him, through and through. One night while you were hanging out in his room after school, listening to his current favourite record, he felt more confident than he ever had. He leans forward, closing the gap between the two of you, gently placing his lips on top of yours. You were slightly taken aback but returned the kiss, glad that he finally had the courage to make the first move.

Will and Joyce always knew you two would end up together, with neither one of them really being surprised when you started holding hands or sharing a kiss goodbye. Joyce can’t help but smile when she first notices you holding hands under the table at dinner, giving you a wink when she sees you staring, wordlessly telling you that she approves. Will was the first to know about the two of you getting together, he literally had never seen his older brother so excited! They share everything together and this was no different, after you left Jonathan was still filled with adrenaline after your first kiss. Bursting into his brother’s room and stumbling over his words as he told him what just happened. Will couldn’t help but smile and wrap his arms around him, seeing him truly happy for the first time in a while, he could feel the happiness radiate off him.

He always has a small smile on his face when you link arms or hold hands while walking into town. He is so proud to be able to walk next to you, showing you off to the world. You both have found a little routine, stopping at both the record and book shops to have a quick browse whilst running errands. He loves to watch your excitement as you look through the latest selection of books, listening as you ramble on about their history or the authors life. When he has the spare money he always buys a few for you, even when you insist it is not really necessary. Not that he minds, if he has the means to spoil you, why not? You would always make sure to try and return the favour, occasionally buying him a new vinyl that you can listen to together.

The song I associate with you guys is ‘Wonderland’ by Big Country!

I ship you with Ferris!

This is definitely an opposites attract situation! You never really took much time to notice Ferris at first, you being consumed in your studies, not wanting to engage with someone so carefree and reckless. You of course knew who Ferris was, but you always thought of him as a slight show off and therefore never really took the time to get to know him. That is until you were both put in the same class, with fate deciding to seat the two of you next to each other. He was taken aback by your slightly reserved attitude, his usual one-liners didn’t seem to have much of an effect on you. He expected himself to dislike the way you brushed them off as you focused on your work, but it just made him more intrigued and motivated him to try harder! After weeks of his subtle flirting and wise crack jokes, one of them actually made you smile. Finally managing to win you over, he decided to ask you on a date, which you gladly accepted.

He does have a bit of a wild side and knows how to have fun. He often finds you stressed about work or overwhelmed with assignments, he may not seem like it but he does have an innate knowledge of when you are being to hard on yourself, always being the one to drag you away from your desk and on an adventure, you even skip school for the first time with him. And although your times in the city are usually filled with sneaking in and out of places you are definitely not allowed to be, he always does at least one thing he knows you will love. Allowing you to spend hours looking around the museum or art gallery. Debating different works or artefacts, he always provides a great outside perspective, always keeping you on your toes!

You also are the one to stop him from doing something too stupid, convincing him that he doesn’t need to go on some crazy adventure to impress you, trying to get him inside for a quiet night in. Although he would not outright admit it, one of his favourite activities is just watching movies with you. Picking out snacks at the shop and going to blockbuster to pick out a movie, legs tangled together as your eyes are glued to the screen. He does spend a significant amount of time watching you instead of the film, admiring you out of the corner of his eye.

The song I associate with you guys would be ‘Restless Year’ by Ezra Furman!

Sorry this took so long to write! I’ve been super swamped with work, but hope you like it. Also let me know how your novel is going, when you’re finished I’d love to read it! ❤️

[beeexx]

I uploaded this to ao3 too if you wanna read it there.

Takes place during 2x04. Just a missing moment of what Alex was thinking of before and after his talk with Michael. Also featuring Alex and Kyle bonding some more.

-----

Alex used to live for silence. Silence usually meant an empty house, with his dad gone for the evening, always with the threatening promise of being back of course (never forget it Alex, drilled into him at a young age), but it gave him a moment where he was allowed to be. Just be him, without walking on eggshells and constantly scared of overstepping some made up boundary his dad had come up with him. But the peacefulness of silence that he used to crave growing up had been eroded off him during the years of service. It was never quiet anywhere he went, he was always surrounded by his squadron and when he wasn’t, wherever he was stationed, the bases were never quiet either. Silence is something he has had to get used to again, and he is struggling with it still. His hyper-awareness to his surroundings is constantly on edge when he is alone and he doesn’t always know how to relax around it. 

Which is what he has been since he came back to Roswell too. Alone. 

The other problem with silence is that he then has too much time on his hands and when that happens he ends up trapped in his head where his thoughts are on constant loop about things he has spent years suppressing. And they come out, unannounced and catch him off guard. He went to therapy after he lost his leg and he knows what some of his triggers are thanks to his therapist, but Roswell New Mexico seems to bring out new ones he never even knew he had. The other day a movie had been playing on his television while he was absently working on going through some of the files left from Claufield when there was the loud banging of a fist on the table that had sent Alex flinching so hard he had knocked the glass of water off the table and bruised his knuckles in the process. For a moment he was back in his kitchen at the age of 15, his dad’s fist close to Alex’s own hand, looming over him and staring him down. That was his dad’s thing, intimidate him before he struck out, the blow so unexpected Alex never knew when it would come. It had taken him a whole lot more of his breathing exercises to calm him down after that and he had quickly changed the channel to re-runs of FRIENDS instead. 

Alex has wondered if he should write down silence as a trigger too? Because at this rate it might as well be. He had zoned out completely at the grocery store a while back and he really has no clue how long he had been in there, the complete dissonance so strong that he lost track of time completely. Kyle had found him at some point and given him a look that Alex had hated. He had opened his mouth but Kyle had beaten him to it.

“Look man, I’m not pitying you don’t worry. I am however pitying that depressing looking basket, if that’s your excuse for a dinner it wouldn’t surprise me if your basket suddenly wakes up at yells at you in disappointment.”

It had been so unexpected that it had actually made Alex snort in amusement. 

“Yeah I guess you have a point.” He said and looked into the basket which contained a ready made meal and a couple of bears. His only excuse really is that he’s a busy man, he’s spent years in the Air Force and hasn’t really had time to practice any cooking and sometimes he feels the only reason he eats is because he must. 

“What are you doing tonight? Why don’t you come over for dinner. I’m making spaghetti carbonara. I’ve spent years redefining this recipe so I can guarantee it will be the best you have ever tasted.”

Alex was ready to protest. He did not want to be someone’s charity case, especially not Kyle’s.

“If it makes you feel any better I live alone and I haven’t exactly had the chance to sit down and cook a decent meal for a while, if you know what I mean?” Alex had a very clear idea yes. “So I could use the company, and man I think you could too.” 

“I cannot believe you are giving me your puppy dog eyes.” Alex can’t believe it, but Kyle totally are, in the middle of the grocery store. Kyle looks smug, but seems to remember himself and pouts some more.

“Fine.” Alex relents, and he doesn’t really know why, but something shifts inside of him at the look, a throwback to their early friendship, where he was on the receiving end of that look when Kyle needed a favour. Like asking Mrs. Valenti for cookies, because if Alex asked then she would definitely say yes. 

“Yes, great.” And Alex can’t help himself but smile too, because Kyle looks genuinely happy at the thought.

“I can’t believe I’m like Liz now, falling for those eyes.” He mutters.

“What can I say? I have a cute face.”

“You’re not really my type Valenti.” Which is a half truth really, but no one’s ever been his type after Michael anyway, his small crush on Valenti diminishing completely compared to Michael. And he’s moved past that little infatuation anyway, this banter is probably the most action he has gotten since Michael called it off completely. 

“You are wrong there, I am everyone’s type.”

Alex rolls his eyes at the joke because Kyle is actually ridiculous.

But Alex ends up spending the evening at Kyle’s, eating his first home cooked meal in a long time, that turns out to be incredibly good, and has two beers which is more than he normally drinks and almost ends up falling asleep on the couch. He drives home late, shrugging off the offer of staying the night in Kyle’s guest bedroom because he can’t bare it and ends up taking hours to fall asleep in his cold and bare apartment instead. But it had become a thing since, Kyle would text him and ask him over for dinner and after a while Alex couldn’t find a reason why he shouldn’t and he gave in to the part of him that was enjoying the company. It did not take long after that before he started staying over too in the guest bedroom that had a bed way comfier than what Alex had slept on in years and by now he’s basically living with Kyle. Which is not as bad as he’d imagine it would be. They have an unnamed deal really, because Alex has a set of spare keys that Kyle just gave him one morning without saying anything, his nose in his phone and a coffee in his hand and had just left them there, like Alex was supposed to know what to say to that. But they never really said anything about making it official that they do live together, and a distant part of him thinks that’s something you do. His 16 year old self would never believe his ears if he’d been told that in the future he would be sharing at least one hot meal a day with Kyle Valenti he would have laughed. But Kyle really isn’t half bad to live with to be honest. He’s tidy, but not crazily. He cooks, and he works out and he is a bit of a workaholic, which Alex definitely is too. And he’s constantly moving, barely ever sitting still. He’s always tinkering with something. In so many ways he is like Michael in that regard, constantly on the move and surrounded with an energetic vibe. Alex doesn’t hate that. He kind of enjoys it, because it means it’s never silent. Deep down Alex is an introvert, and Kyle is definitely not. But years of being in the Air Force has of course left its traces and Alex really doesn’t mind the energetic presence of Kyle these days. It’s comforting. 

But it says something of the state Alex is in now that he didn’t drive back after the day he’s had to Kyle’s apartment, but instead to his own, which he does go to from time to time, but very rarely these days. The day with Michael, looking for clues about Nora, hasn’t been too bad. Yet Alex feels rough. Because the problem with the silence around him now though is that it screams Michael. He’s been pacing his living room since he got back, staring at the piece of consol he’s left on the small table, trying to sort out his racing mind. In his youth his father had tried to drill hatred into him, he very nearly succeeded at times, but Alex came out the other end of that surviving the cruel abuse. But right now, after learning the pain and damage his family has caused Michael’s, he feels that hatred towards himself and his family burn strongly within himself. He wishes his legacy wasn’t this brutal war, this history of violence he has inherited unwillingly. He doesn’t want to be a Manes if this is what it means. 

He knows he has to do something though. Fix a little part of what his history has broken. 

He grabs the console and gets into the car.

-------

Alex has walked away from Michael many times before. Most of those times it had never felt like the right choice. Not until today. Today, he knows with his whole heart that walking away was the right choice to make. Because now it is abundantly clear to him that Michael really deserves better than him. The last months Alex has still secretly clung to it that maybe they could, with a little bit of distance find their way back to each other, he just knows now that that is not going to happen. Alex will not let it happen. Because his family is toxic and dangerous and they have already hurt Michael too much. Giving back the console, which he knows he should have done months ago, is kind of like a parting gift from Alex to him. Now too, with everything he knows he feel incredibly selfish that he didn’t give it to him earlier, because what kind of person was he who wanted to keep a part of Michael to himself? The reason too, even when he had said why to Michael had felt pathetic. Even though it was the truth. He didn’t want him to go. But Michael was never really his to keep either. And staking a claim on him was not the right way to handle it. Alex’s always been unable to think clearly with Michael around him. That’s the reason why he’d put him in danger when they were teenagers and why he kept making the same mistakes over and over. Strangely enough he feels clear headed now and maybe that comes with him actually being honest with himself.

He does not deserve Michael.

Michael deserves better than him.

His hands stopped shaking a while ago, with the look Michael had given him before he had left, haunting him the whole drive back. He couldn’t seem to shake it, however badly he wanted. The smile had fallen off Michael's face completely when he had heard that Alex had kept this from him. The look on his face unreadable, and after he had reassured him that what happened in the past wasn’t Alex’s fault, the betrayal felt much worse. Alex had clung to the console in desperation, but he had given it back in hopes that it could smooth over parts of the violent past. He hopes that it is a start of something at least.

He feels clear headed and lucid though, even if parts of him also feel like shit. It was a strange combination and he’s probably been sitting out in this car for close to an hour. He’s just not had the energy to walk up to Kyle’s apartment looking the way he probably does and explain why. He really didn’t feel like having an emotional talk with Kyle Valenti about his feelings for Michael. No thanks, he’d pass on that forever. But he can’t sit in here forever and his hands are getting cold and with the lowering temperature comes to pain of his prosthetic that he needs to take off. So he sighs, rubs at his reddening eyes and tries to hide his inner turmoil that is threatening to undo him. It’s simmering just under the surface, he can really feel it. When he unlocks the door he expects to be bombarded with Kyle’s reprimanding voice of skipping dinner. Instead the whole flat is dark, except for the TV that has been left on. Nothing is playing, just the blue background that paints the room in a haunting colour. Alex doesn’t like the artificiality of it. On the sofa Kyle lays, with a bottle of alcohol by his side, staring into the wall. 

Okay, this was not what Alex was expecting. 

“Erm Kyle?” He asks, a little uncertain. Kyle jumps about a mile in the air, and it is kind of comically how he ends up sprawled on the ground, groaning, but clearly alive.

“Man, not cool.” He makes no move to get up, which means something is clearly wrong.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asks because he’s sometimes nice to Kyle, he sits down on the sofa.

“I’ve had a day and half.” He mutters and moves to take another drink. Alex swiftly moves it away from him and holds it out of reach.

“Hey!”

“Talk first drink later.” Alex says and pats the seat beside him. Kyle groans loudly but does get up, he’s steady which means he’s probably not had that much to drink.

“I just… it’s really pathetic, god.” He snorts to himself. 

“Try me.”

“Promise not to laugh at me.” 

“Yes.” Alex hopes he can keep that promise, this situation really is odd even to him.

“Why didn’t Liz choose me?” Kyle sounds dejected and sad. It’s an unusual look on him.

Oh. Oh. Alex sighs and very slowly reaches forward to place a hand on his shoulder, trying to offer comfort. He’s never been good with his words but Kyle seems to need to the comfort. But honestly Alex never thought that he and Kyle would be in the same situation at the age of 28, it’s ironic but it doesn’t make him feel good about it either. Alex thinks of the olive branch Kyle had extended to him in the bunker and makes up his mind.

“I don’t know Kyle. We can’t make people love us. Even if we want that above anything else.”  

Kyle looks at him for the first time, really looks at him. Alex takes his own swing of alcohol, letting it burn down the sour feeling in his throat. 

“You have first hand experience in this?”

Alex thinks about lying, because he doesn’t want to talk about it. He stares into the wall in front of him.

“Michael chose Maria over me, and even now I can’t even say I blame him for it.”

“Shit, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I guess we finally have something in common.” He snorts. Kyle laughs and takes the bottle of alcohol back from him. He eyes it and then hands it back.

“I promised I’d have breakfast with my mother tomorrow. This seemed like a good idea a few hours ago. Now though, maybe not.” He gives it back to Alex. The turmoil is still simmering underneath Alex’s veins, but the alcohol seems like a really bad excuse even to him. He looks at Kyle, who looks sad. Alex feels bad for him, he does.

“So what do you want to do then?” Alex asks.

Kyle shrugs. “Let’s just sit here for a while.”

Alex nods. He can do that.

[foxespsu]

01 / BASICS

Full Name: Casey Isaac Hendrix

Nicknames: Ace (their nickname from the Buckeyes)

Birthday: January 13th

Gender: Nonbinary (they/them)

Orientation: Bisexual

Astrological Sign: Capricorn sun, Pisces moon

Spoken Languages: English

Birthplace: Stillwater, Oklahoma

Relationship Status: Single

tw discussions of addiction, pill usage, etc

02 / PHYSICAL TRAITS

Hair Color/Style: Brown, wavy. It’s usually messy in the way that says i’ve styled it this way. Sometimes, it’s just messy.

Eye Color: Blue

Face Claim: Thomas Doherty

Height: 5′11

Tattoos: N/A

Piercings: N/A

Unique Attributes: They’ve got a touch of that accented d r a w l  no matter much they’ve tried to shake it over the years.

03 / PERSONALITY TRAITS/TYPES

Positive Traits: Compassionate, ambitious, hard-working, selfless.

Negative Traits: Self-critical, pessimistic, indecisive, intense.

Hobbies/Interests: Exy, Exy, Exy. It was supposed to be their golden ticket, their way to escape and to provide for the family they left behind, so how could they afford to give it anything less than their all? When they crashed and burned in Ohio though, Exy left a black hole in its wake. They went home, spent a year drifting from room to room, listlessly picking up and dropping hobbies. Books went unfinished. Journals kept their empty pages. When Ohio told them they couldn’t come back, Casey finally focused and started again, went through every school they could think of until it lead them to David Wymack. They didn’t want to be a Fox, but they are now, and it’s only fair. This is what they deserve—and as scared as they are to step foot on that court again, they can’t help feeling that maybe, just maybe, they can get some of that dream back again.

Major/Minor: Exercise biology major, no minor.

Insecurities: Almost too many to count, but there are a few that repeat themselves more often than others in Casey’s thoughts. Exy wasn’t only a way out of Oklahoma. Exy was a means to stardom too and Casey loved it in all the ways they shouldn’t. They defined themself through it; Casey the captain of their high school team, Casey the breakout star of the Buckeyes. Without those titles, they’re struggling more than they’d admit with their own identity. Who were they that year without Exy? Who are they now if they’re just a Fox? Maybe it’s because Casey knows how easily they can be set aside. After all, their own family hardly knows what to do with them when they’re home now. Their mother and their siblings love them, Casey’s never doubted that, but they don’t know them—and Casey doesn’t know their family either, if they’re honest. They haven’t forgotten those pills either, how strong they’d felt on them, how powerful. Untouchable, at least before it all fell apart. Casey’s determined not to relapse, but they’re still terrified they’ll never be that good again. Never feel that good again. This is sobriety, this endless string of frustrating days and monotonous tasks, and some days it’s harder than others to remember why they want this.

Quirks/Eccentricities: Laughs too loud, runs their hands through their hair constantly, paranoid about their clothes looking too worn down.

MBTI Type: EFSJ, “the Caregiver”. Kind, loyal,  sensitive, needy. They make decisions based upon their personal feelings, for good or for ill. Their need for approval is a double edged sword.

Enneagram Type: Type 3, “the Achiever”. At their best, type 3′s are self-directed, compassionate, authentic, and ambitious. At their worst, they are obsessed with their mistakes, covetous of success, and willing to do whatever it takes to achieve that for themselves.

Moral Alignment: Neutral good.

Temperament:  Repressed Choleric

04 / FAMILY & HOME

Immediate Family: Their mother is Maya Hendrix. Of the Hendrix children, Casey is the oldest, but they’re far from the only one. Kennedy is the second eldest, currently 19. In Casey’s absence, she takes care of most of the domestic duties while their mother works. After Kennedy, there’s the twins: Aiden and Evan, age 17. Next is Cooper, 15, Nevaeh, 13, and finally, the baby of the family: Cheyenne, 11. Casey moved out for boarding school when she was only four years old. They don’t all share the same father, but when none of those fathers stick around, what does it matter?

Other Family: With a family as big and sprawling as theirs, they’ve had to rely heavily on their extended family too. Casey’s grandparents had an active hand in raising them, as did some of their aunts and uncles in the area. It takes a village, as they say, and the Hendrix family practically is a village in its own right.

How do they feel about their family?: Casey loves their family. When they first dreamed of Exy, it was attached to thoughts of buying their mother a bigger home, a better car, boarding schools for all their siblings without the stigma of scholarship. Obviously, that didn’t work out. Now, despite that love, they feel distant from them too, in the worst of ways. Boarding school was more a home than Oklahoma, and then the Buckeyes too, before it all went wrong. Although Casey helped raise their siblings once upon a time, they also moved out young enough the family looks to Kennedy as the eldest now. Casey doesn’t know how to fit back into the dynamic. Cooper, Nevaeh, Cheyenne, the twins—they all grew up without Casey there and now, when Casey has finally showed up in their lives again, it’s only because they’ve failed so horribly in Ohio. They feel guilty too. After all they weren’t the only one who gave things up for Exy. Their mother did too, making what little money that had stretch further so Casey could pursue their dream. They can’t help but feel like they’ve thrown it back into her face, wasted the chance she paid dearly for. That isn’t the legacy they wanted for themself, for their family, but it’s their legacy nonetheless.

How does their family feel about them?: Their family loves Casey. Maya worries about them—her quiet, headstrong eldest, who won’t tell her the full truth of what went wrong. Kennedy used to idolize them, the one who escaped Oklahoma, but there was a bitterness there too. They escaped but she stayed. She took care of the people left behind, taking up Casey’s mantle as the de facto parent when their mother was busy or working. Those feelings only grew when it was clear Casey had moved on without her or the rest of their family, that their life was full of glamour and arrogance she could never match. Now that they’re back, she’s torn between concern and a strange schadenfreude. If nothing else, now Casey must know they aren’t better than their roots after all. For some of the younger siblings, it’s far less complicated. They’re distant. They hardly know Casey. Overall, no one in the family is quite sure how to speak to them—whether it’s about Exy, Ohio, the Foxes, or simply their shared history.  

Pets: Dorms, whether in boarding schools or college, rarely allow pets. And, with as many mouths as they had to feed back home, pets were an impossibility. Every now and then someone would abandon a litter of kittens or an unwanted puppy at their doorstep in Oklahoma. Casey and their siblings would always nurse them back to health, but they could never keep them. Thankfully, their local shelter always made room.

Where do they live?: Casey has only recently moved into the dorms. Before that, they spent a year in Stillwater, Oklahoma, living in their now unfamiliar childhood home.  

Description of their home: Cramped. Messy. Crowded. Casey’s family still lives in the same home they grew up in, but everything about it has changed in the years they were gone. Most of the siblings share rooms, although their mother and Kennedy have their own. There’s a huge tree in the front yard with a tire swing and a frayed rope ladder. Those Casey does remember.

Description of their bedroom:  As the oldest, Casey used to have their own room. That honor went to Kennedy once they moved out for boarding school and they could hardly ask her to relinquish it when they returned. This past year, they shared with Aiden and Evan. No one enjoyed it.

05 / THIS OR THAT

Introvert or extrovert? Extrovert.

Optimist or pessimist? Pessimist.

Leader or Follower? Formerly leader, current follower—or trying to be, at least.

Confident or Self-Concious? Self-conscious.

Cautious or Careless? Cautious.

Passionate or Apathetic? Passionate.

Book Smarts or Street Smarts? Book Smarts.

Compliments or Insults? Depends on what’s more honest.

06 / FAVORITES

Favorite Color: Yellow

Favorite Clothing Style/Outfit: Jock™️ albeit one with lots of bright colors. Athleisure, tank tops, hoodies, sweatpants, sneakers, etc. Casey is always ready for a workout.

Favorite Bands/Songs/Type of Music: Pop, hip-hop, rap, rock—anything that makes them feel awake and ready to move on a cold morning.

Favorite Movies: Back home, they didn’t have cable, but they did have the same dusty DVDs to watch over and over. Mary Poppins, Jurassic Park, Bring it On. Casey’s seen them all too many time to feel anything but nostalgia over them now.

Favorite TV Shows: They didn’t watch much TV growing up. Exy always felt more important. During their latest year back home though, they borrowed someone else’s Netflix login and marathoned far too many terrible TV shows instead of doing something better with their time. Already, Casey can barely remember half of them.

Favorite Books: They don’t read much now, but they’ve been known to enjoy a good adventure novel. Their mom used to drop them all at the library for the bulk of the day when they were too young to be left at home, and Casey read their way through most of the Animorphs series.

Favorite Foods/Drinks: Casey’s an adventurous eater, which is a kind way of saying they’ll eat anything and probably enjoy it. And, yes, they still enjoy the foods they grew up on too—burgers, fried food, too much ranch, okra, cheese, and gravy. They drink too much coffee, prefer Blue Gatorade to anything else, and choose craft beers on the few occasions they feel like a drink.

Favorite Sports/Sports Teams: Exy, obviously. They follow all the other teams, although now it’s out of a jealousy they don’t want to feel. Wymack is taking a chance on them, after all. Before it all fell apart, Casey was a loyal Buckeye.

Favorite Time of Day: Morning

Favorite Weather/Season: Spring

Favorite Animal: Dogs

[cheollies]

100 Reasons To Love Joshua Hong

thanks to @justsomekpopstuff for some help at the end when my brain was stalling to think of things

First of all, um why not

his eyes are so frickin well defined and sharp, cat eyes for real, they’re so mesmerizing and so easy to fall in to

his lip tint/lipstick/lip gloss or whatever he’s wearing on his lips, it’s always on point and literally the prettiest colors ever cause they’re always so pinkish/peach that it makes his lips look so irresistible

HIS PIERCINGS!!!!!!!!!!! They’re so attractive. like he has such an innocent image and the piercings kinda give him a nice aesthetic edge and its even more attractive (in my opinion) that his piercing are asymmetrical (sigh i remember when cheol had that)

He looks cute with bangs

BUT HE LOOKS GORGEOUS WHEN HIS HAIR IS LIKE SLIGHTLY PARTED AND HIS FOREHEAD IS SHOWING. DO YOU GET WHAT I MEAN???????

remember when he said spongebob reminded him of Hansol

he used to sing Sunday Morning all the time

I’M SORRY I STARTED CRYING CAUSE BC OF THAT BLESSED VIDEO OF JOSHUA IN A LEATHER JACKET, A GUITAR AND SINGING SUNDAY MORNING

Born and raised in Los Angeles, California so his english is perfect basically

He has a very nice soft singing voice as well as a nice speaking voice

Let’s never forget the time he did a high note battle with the rest of vocal team one fine day and his face basically turned into a tomato

but let’s also not forget when he did the thing with the water bottle where he blew his nose into it and totally ruining his image

He’s an only child that later gained twelve brothers

back in LA he used to sing in his church, which is where he discovered that he enjoyed performing

BLACK HAIRED JOSHUA

His look when he was on the golden disc award red carpet (basically making me think about switching lanes)

His laugh is just so precious. he goes ‘hahahaha’ literally 

He does that thing where when he laughs, he covers his mouth with the back of his hand or he just claps like a seal

During the sleepover live where they’re all sleeping in pajamas, when Soonyoung moved over to Joshua, Joshua just let Soonyoung hug him and snuggle into him

best friends with mr. Yoon Jeonghan and Joshua’s personality change when he’s with Jeonghan is amazing

like the time on 95 line vlive when it was only Joshua and Seungcheol, and Joshua asked Seungcheol to do freestyle rap or sing but Seungcheol refused so obviously Joshua was going to let it go BUT THEN JEONGHAN CAME IN AND JOSHUA WAS ALL LIKE ‘SEUNGCHEOLS GONNA DO FREESTYLE RAP NOW’

his favorite move is the pindrop and no one can stop the man from doing it

He’s got twelve hype men so you’re gonna see it more often than you want

he basically does it in DWC so yeah it’s staying with him forever.

rapline wannabe

Constantly trying out for Hiphop Unit, have you heard his raps? They’re legendary

King of acrostic poems

He has the cutest nose scrunch you will ever see

The time joshua tried to high five a fan at a fansign but got rejected because the girl didn’t see but luckily Jun saw and started laughing

the life hack Joshua did by putting his coke in the snow while he was outside (get you a man this smart)

Known as Seventeen’s Gentleman so that basically means if you stan him, he’s going to treat you right and like royalty

That time on weekly idol when he introduced himself as the guy who spoke five languages as an attempt to speak the languages

On the Yang and Nam show when Joshua outed Jihoon for taking vocal team out to eat and forgetting him

He said it so sweetly too even though Jihoon did him wrong

He honestly looks so good in simple button up shirts it’s truly inspiring

The Where is my Friend’s hometown episode where Joshua was supposed to plan out the trip but instead went to sleep once the guys left the room

On one of the andromeda episodes, when Joshua took off his necktie and the other members started screaming (#same)

when he laughed so hard at a fanmeet that he accidentally pushed Jeonghan off the staged and pretended to be innocent of the crime

Anime nerd that likes One Piece, Naruto and Bleach

One said that if he were in Jeonghan’s body, he would eat lots of food

okay but the time Joshua sat in a massage chair and made it seem as though the massage chair was on but in reality, the chair wasn’t even plugged in

why doesn’t anyone talk about Joshua’s chocolate song

‘Sometimes i dream about chocolate’

‘I WANT SOME FOOD RIGHT NOW JUST KIDDING’

‘I need some twix yeah’

Don’t forget his pizza song

his pizza song that included him wanting a chocolate pizza with some twix on top

He pronounces Nutella as ‘nuh-tella’ i’m just gonna leave that here for you to think about

He said ‘Boing Boing’ on Going Seventeen once

His nickname is Shua, the members call him Shua a lot and Chan referred to Joshua as ‘Shua hyung’

He can’t spicy food

a cute boy who likes playing with the cute snow filters and being cute

When he was asked to dance for his audition, all he did was clap to the beat since he didn’t know how to dance

He was streetcasted at a festival in the U.S.

He often helps the others with english, he teaches Hansol english as well as helps Jihoon with any english lyrics

Seokmin said that Joshua has a sophisticated and luxurious style

That time during predebut when Joshua screamed ‘YOU’RE CREATING A GAP BETWEEN OUR RELATIONSHIP’ at Hansol

WHEN HE SAID THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE AS A TALENT

On an andromeda episode when they called Joshua, Jeonghan said that Joshua didn’t like aegyo

He doesn’t like insects

He said that if he wasn’t an idol, he’d either be studying English or Business in college

Joshua said he was closest to Jeonghan because they had entered the company at relatively the same time

Honestly the coolest part of the DWC dance is Joshua’s part, Joshua got the best dance part, it’s just so cool looking at the way they move during that part

Joshua says ‘Yo’ a lot that it’s probably his go to word

Okay but that outfit he had on in the Going Seventeen Prologue, the cute grey zip up hoodie with his blue and white striped shirt, and he had a black backpack on, it’s such a simple outfit but it’s totally some boyfriend Joshua aesthetic

That time Joshua said ‘Vernon Oppa’

In the dorm, it’s said that Joshua often forgets to take a towel with him to the bathroom when he showers so he often calls someone to get him a towel

He shares a birthday with BTS’s Taehyung if you didn’t know and they’re totally cool with each other

Joshua talking about chicken ‘it’ll heal our hearts’

He’s not that great at cooking, he says he usually orders food

Joshua in the Adore U performance unit version calmly and cooly playing the guitar while chilling above the floor on the wall

He has the prettiest hands, they look so nice, like imagine holding his hands

on one fine day, Joshua didn’t know how to cook/prepare rice in a pot because he always used a rice cooker

He wants to speed up his eating because he doesn’t want the others to have to wait for him to finish

Joshua has the most impeccable cheekbones

To quote Joshua: bibbity hamburg pizza woo

His really light pinkish hair was so pretty

But his light caramel brown was also great

Let’s be real, he’s never had a bad hair moment

Remember when photos of Joshua during a dry rehearsal was put on the internet, and he was wearing a white shirt with no sleeve and we all were #blessed with Joshua’s arms

If he was a carat, he said he’d stan Soonyoung (who wouldn’t tbh)

the time Joshua used an umbrella as a golf club and shimmied his butt before he pretended to shoot

Joshua jumping into the pool with his little fluttery hands is cuter than puppies

Joshua chose love over friendship and i think that says a lot about him

He said that if he had his own radio broadcast, he’d want the name of it to be ‘a glass of wine’ (aa self promotion, read my joshua angst titled a glass of wine)

His personality is described as introverted and shy, but thanks to Seventeen, he shows us his very weird and comical side

Joshua touching Soonyoung’s ear in the sleepover vlive

Joshua used to watch Immortal Song with his mother and grandmother, so when he finally got the chance to perform on the show, he sent out a few words to his family, even saying that his grandma can brag to her friends

sometimes Joshua pretends he’s going to low-five hansol but then sikes him out and why is Joshua like this

He did his call intro for the DWC era on NCT’s radio and made everyone cringe like heck

Sexy shua, that one gif of him waving his fingers and basically being eye candy while singing in the mic (its the gif up there. i just had to put it)

Shua in leather pants……….yeah

Honestly how many handshakes does he have and make with the other boys. Like i’m surprised he even got Jihoon to make a handshake

SHUA IN SWEATERS !! A VERY SOFT AND COMFY SHUA THAT EVERYONE NEEDS

to Joshua his faith is something dear to him. It’s something he’s open about and i’m glad that it’s being respected in a sense that no one is bashing him for it.

At the age of 18 he moved from the U.S. to Korea, basically to a place where he didn’t know the customs well and had to learn to adapt to the new setting

When he moved in Korea, Joshua didn’t know to to read or write korean, he stated that he could never read the lyrics that were given to him because of it

During 17project when the parents came out as a surprise, Joshua who had been away from his family so long, clung to his mother with tears

“Carats are always being my energy and strength”

[yoolee]

If lee wrote otome | #2 - Boss

The Heroine (MC)

CEO MC: Never gets enough sleep, which makes her sarcastic but is also semi her own fault given the amount of caffeine she consumes. Sort of obsessive about long-term planning, unwaveringly believes that a company’s value comes from its employees and will choose them over shareholder dividends every time. Determined to run an ethical company even if it means it’s not the most profitable company. Super duper Type A – aggressive and fearless because she has to be. Sometimes really just wants a cupcake in her hand and a cat in her lap, but then she’s bored and goes back to business planning. Creative risk-taker, decent negotiator. Smart enough to know where she needs help and hire people who can do the things she can’t (or, more to the point, doesn’t want to do). Gets back up every time. Will definitely fight you. Might feel bad about it later but only if someone reminds her it happened.

Love Interests

The BARISTA: Peppy, optimist (or so MC thinks) but it turns out they actually switch up their personality depending on who they’re serving (sometimes they are the chill, hipster philosopher, sometimes they are the rude New York get-it-done eye roller, etc.) actually somewhere in the middle of it all – but really IS an optimist despite themselves. Kind of slippery and hard to pin down. Big family, used to being what their other siblings/parents need from them. Fairly certain CEO MC is headed for an early heart attack with the amount of espresso she imbibes. Probably an author. Maybe an ex-broadway personjust because. IDK.

The PR LAWYER: Worked-three-jobs-put-self-through-college story. Patience, tact, good at calming people down. Detail oriented, a little fussy about appearances. Perennially exasperated by CEO (Please don’t promise to have a cure for cancer In the next three years with no data to back it up. No, you can’t punch the reporter for being a dick. Look, I know you WANT to donate 100% of proceeds to charity but please pick a friendlier one than ‘punch reporters in the face foundation’ that’s not gonna fly) never gets enough sleep. Has a key to MC’s house so they can come yell at her for making their life difficult at whatever hour of the night she insists on doing so. Is on MC’s speed-dial, which means they also get called to DD, though they’d rather not.

FLAKY MODEL(s?): Trust fund kid? Pretty face? Floats through life? The sort of person who will get on the wrong subway train and then just ride it all day people-watching never mind that they had an appointment six hours ago. Pose with a boa constrictor? Sure, as long as it’s being treated humanely. Tarantula on the face? Awwww, it’s fuzzyyyyy. No filter, no worries. Probably drags CEO MC along on a Caribbean shoot and PR Lawyer has to call and yell because that does not look good, okay? And poor MC is like, I thought we were getting a drink and model is like WE ARE we are getting tropical coconut water from the SOURCE here oh wait I don’t know how to drink out of a coconut…who knows why they are attracted to CEO MC, probably because she’s there and sticks around and no one else does. Human puppy dog.

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: young hotshot venture capitalist, thinks CEO MC is a bleeding heart (your employees do not need that many sick days, lost productivity blah blah blah why do we need a daycare onsite that’s a waste of shareholder money), kind of a math whiz, naturally lucky, doesn’t get along with family (gambling problem in the fam – which manifests in him in investment risks and unresolved issues) butts heads constantly with MC, frequently tries to get her fired – in part because his attempts to do so get her fired up and she does great things, which ultimately is better for the company than when she’s just doing her normal ‘good’ job. She is going to be royally ticked when she figures that out. Manipulative, but relatively benign under it all. The sort of person who smirks instead of smiles. All the time.

CHEF FROM HER FAVORITE RESTAURANT: Also a CEO though on smaller scale, because, running a restaurant IS running a business. Probably under the impression CEO MC is actually like, a graduate student with no money because she tends to get takeout at weird hours. Gruff, grumpy, abrupt, but heart of gold. Basically—will grumble about you coming in late but will add extra veggies to your pasta because you’re looking a little pale and need the nutrients and if you call them on it will snarl that they had to be used up they were going bad and he wasn’t going to waste extra, expensive, PROTEIN on you. (MC asks them out and then realizes the only nice restaurant she knows is the one the chef owns)

PRESCHOOL TEACHER: JUST A DECENTLY NICE PERSON. Checks in to make sure MC has eaten regularly, staying hydrated, needs anything fixed around the house (she can do her own plumbing but doesn’t like the electrical and hey it’s nice to have company). Good with kids. Maybe divorced and wanted them but ex-spouse didn’t? idk. Calm, not easily ruffled, sweet as pie, except when he’s playing video games and suddenly MC understands how he can get through the day without any aggression – he unleashes it on fictional zombies. Blissfully normal, all things considered.

PERSONAL TRAINER: “fine, whatever, EAT THE DANG CHEESE if you’re just going to ignore my nutritional advice we’re doing ten more reps” athletic, happiest when DOING versus saying or reading or sitting. Not as impulsive as you’d guess at first glance, because they tend to use working out as a meditative time to make decisions. Didn’t finish college because they realized they just didn’t enjoy it, but they did enjoy working with student athletes, which is how they got into training. Enviably fit. Wants to expand the gym so wheedles business advice out of MC in exchange for not harassing her about her tendency to drink coffee instead of water (she insists it has water IN it, it should count) not particularly intimidated by her, which is a pleasant change of pace.

Supporting Cast (non LIs)

ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT: Keeps MC sane, has her back, schedules everything. Good at details, even better at smiling at angry people and making them not-angry through sheer force of sunny personality (actually a ruse, MC is convinced she’s actually the most delightfully evil person ever, but like some kind of fairy tale where when you acknowledge the thing it goes away, refuses to ever dive into figuring out). Older than the MC because we need to stop making middle aged women invisible in stories?? Sometimes has to remind MC of how much she does by holding silent protests (in part why MC thinks she is secretly a supervillain in the making) which are always, always successful.

PARENT COMPANY ADMIN ASSISTANT: Bane of MC’s existence. Smarmy, smily pain in the tush.

CFO: We have put in an official request with the company credit card management to start declining purchases at that coffee shop you go to, no this is not negotiable, it’s not in the budget anymore drink so darn water woman. Completely willing to go toe-to-toe with MC, meetings often involve a lot of yelling, but they’re always productive and no hard feelings.

CIO: Serpent-y, but not in a bad way. Just a very cool-tempered person, very contained, very guarded, very introverted. Never happy when she has to do presentations, so super willing to share knowledge with MC so she does it instead (she is not a great teacher, kind of judgey and shows her frustration when MC doesn’t ‘get’ it right away, but very brilliant, and there’s no malice in the judgement, just no filter). Extremely logic-oriented and process-oriented over people-oriented. Picks up and assess tech very quickly, and good at finding affordable, fast solutions.

RANDOM MARKETING EMPLOYEE:  Set up to be a villain but is actually like gung-ho on MC’s side. Literally an ex pageant queen, went to college on scholarship from it. Out of the workforce for awhile as a stay at home mom when her kids were young, but picks up the new trends fast. Now a single mother, so will literally fight the chairman if he tries to take away the company daycare. Some days uses the ‘people see a pretty face and assume no brain’ to her advantage, some days it wears her out. Unofficially drinking buddy with MC, even though they both feel weird about it given the fact MC is technically boss’s boss’s boss.

BARTENDER: also an ex-girlfriend maybe? Current best friend? Who she turns to when the barista cuts her off from coffee and the chef’s restaurant is already closed. Sharp-tongued, bristly, generally disgusted with MC’s six inch heels and slacks in her leather-jacket, cigar smoke bar. Like lady, you’re lost. Probably on the mob payroll at some point in her life.

ROUTE PLOTS:

(Chairman route?) MERGER – company has just bought another company, which is a major risk move for CEO (can only be one, so do you keep the old one on as a VP? Do you let them go? Will they be bitter/try to sabotage you?) you have to fend off internal sabotage, get everything running smoothly without either company falling apart in the process.  

(PR Lawyer route?) Parent company did something massively shady and it’s tainting your company’s name too, so you have to scrounge to avoid having to fire half your employees and keep the company alive.

(Model route?) New product launch – hence why models are entering the picture. It’s a new business venture in the sense it’s targeted at a completely new audience your company hasn’t catered to before.

(Personal Trainer route?) Company is in its infancy, hugely risky time, and you’re doing everything you can to ensure it’s a success  (maybe including putting your own salary back into it, which means you can’t afford PT so they agree to work with you as long as you give them business advice)

FROM @han-pan- they keep trying to buy new retail space for the gym and MC keeps buying it instead because it’s SUCH GOOD PROPERTY and they sort of exasperatedly are like ugh fine whatever you owe me since you keep swiping prime spots out from under my nose

See the rest here

[md3artjournal]

7:39 PM 8/15/2021

So that VaatiVidya artbook is amazing.

This is the type of art I'm up against. x_x; I can't compete with that. I can't compete with artist alley. I can't make my living this way. But I also get suicidal when I return to "normal" lifestyles, so I can't just have a "normal" job.

If I could just compete on the level of web comic artists, maybe I wouldn't have to feel so bad about myself and my art. Maybe I'll never be on the level of videogame artists. But I could be like Marzi from Introvert Doodles, Sarah Andersen from Sarah's Scribbles, Emm Roy's Positive Doodles, etc. My dream is to be like kirakiradoodles---gods rest her good good soul ;.;! To just make cute, simple things, into adorable collages and calming/positive colors and just be CUTE. She's the farthest from some videogame concept artist, but her art makes me FEEL so happy and calm about life. Her and other web artists prove that you don't have to be an intricate digital painter. It gives me hope.

But then I also look at artist alley artists' also beautiful, simply stylized work. Like cosmically tiki. And I can see how little emotion my art holds. All my doodles are stiff and non-gestural. They barely convey emotion, let alone emotions! ;o;!!! I just feel like such a failure. At the very least, I don't belong in artist alley. ;_;

But the crazy thing is that my art, though objectively bad, even by my own observations, still makes me happy. I love seeing how far I've come compared to my old skills. And even if my art isn't as expressive with emotions and movement as most other people's art, it still can have a level of cuteness that makes me happy. And for such a long time, I've just wanted to be able to draw cute things. All my best art is realism, sharpness, and aggressive, chaotic brushstrokes. But all I've wanted is to make cute things! ;o;!!! I just want cute things...Is that too much to ask? ;~; And now, sometimes, fairly often, I can get it. I can make it. I don't think it's objectively good enough for other people, but *I* like it.

So maybe I should give up on artist alley and just be a hobbyist? But I don't know if I could sustain myself with a dayjob. I used to have an office job and tell myself that I'll just do the things to feed my soul and make life worth living, during my time off. But I spent all that time in traffic, exhausted, or stressing over running out of time before my next shift, instead. x~x I found myself "suicidal" for "no reason", even though I had all the financial stability that everyone told me was all I needed to live. And yet, I wanted to die. I used to go through life constantly attempting to die. I'm afriad to go back to that. I'm afraid to go back out there. Because I know me, and that's what I'll eventually do. Not that I should be afraid of death. I don't have any dreams, goals, or aspirations. But I'm just so tired and afriad of experiencing pain and fear everyday. Is that all life is? "Life is suffering", the Buddah says. Back in school, when school constantly made me wish I was dead, I didn't understand why I couldn't just leave being alive,since I had no goals or dreams to stay for. Then after my college years' botched suicide attempts, I realized that millions of years of evolution towards survival instinct, is not something easy to overcome. And I gave it my best. But I'm generally incompetent in all things AND coward. I knew that statistically men have higher suicide successes than women because they tend to use guns. I should have bought a gun if I wanted to be successful suiciding. But I realized I'm a coward. So I'll just drift through life, waiting to die. That's all I've been doing lately, during my 10 years hiding inside my house being a NEET, pretending to be an artist who "makes a living" in artist alley. And apparently not technically enough of a "hikikomori" to self-identify as one, without some rando on the internet telling me "I'm not a real hikikomori", I'm just "romanticizing mental illness", and implying all my feelings are invalid. I suddenly remembered that when I was little, I had these constant homicidal feelings and everyone who really knew me was afriad I'd grow up to be a serial killer. Nothing for years before that rando reminded me of my intense feelings to hurt other people, until them. But of course, I was only feeling homicidal when I wasn't suicidal. And both of those feelings were when I wasn't watching cartoons. That's the funny thing. There are things in this world/life that I like, but for most of my life, everything/everyone (I respected) has been telling me that those things don't count. "Cartoons aren't important." "Comic books aren't important." "Stop wasting time on that or we'll get angry." So if those things don't count, then there really is nothing to live for. I know objectively that they were probably wrong, since those things are the only thing I enjoy in life. So many times during childhood, I remember easing suicidal thought spirals, by remembering fandoms I loved or being afraid to die and not finishing a series. So even if the world was telling me that those things weren't important, I knew they were. But knowing and really feeling/understanding that are so different. It's hard to reverse a lifetime of conditioning, especially from people you respect. That's why the recent sentiment I've seen online has really struck me: Maybe life can just be "...wander through life finding interesting things until you die". That's the shard of Hope I need. Maybe it could even get me through a job, purely for getting money, so I could buy all the otaku/geek merch and time to enjoy geeky things.

I've always been obsessed with Hope. Was I aware it was because I was always so depressed?

I've always jumped at academic and psychological media studies, proving that geeky things---like videogames, comics, art, fiction, even daydreaming and Personal Myths, etc.---were important and significant in life. Was I aware it was some part of me was trying to fight back against all those voices in my head and all around me telling me that the things I loved weren't important?

Sometimes I think I should go back to school to study media's impact on psychology, culture, sociology, etc. Society especially needs it now, that social media, information systems, and entertainment media has becomes such an integral part of everyone's life, and are all using the same brain tricks as videogames or tapping into the same basics human psychologies as myths and folklore. But I'm so afriad of going back to school. The only reason I got through it before, was because I promised myself that once I was done, I'd never ever EVER have to return to ANYTHING LIKE IT ever again. I just hate the continual failure, every single day, at every single project, reminding me how I'm just not suited to this whole being alive thing and really should try harder at suicide. So I can't just go back to school and become some kind of media studies scholar/consultant. Besides, I'll fail at it, like I do everything else.

Why did I give up writing? That was the only thing I was confident at. ;_; I only became an art major because I wanted to be a writer who draws their own comics. Did studying art really take up so much of my time? ---Oh, now I remember. This was before always-on internet was a thing. Let alone, cheap. As soon as I was separated from my online writing community and my college dorms' always-on internet, I just lost all that encouragement to draw. And I probably wasn't reading as much anymore. Because after high school, I vowed off reading novels, in retaliation to all the crap they gave us to read for stereotyped reasons..."'We won't stereotype women', my ass...! Then why did you give us nothing but goddamned Romance novels to read in high school!? If you wanted our all-girls school to learn about prominent female writers, my brother's all-boys school a few minutes away was reading freaking Mary Stonecraft Shelley! Frankenstein! The first scifi novel, at a time when women weren't even given the intellectual credit to be anywhere near the science fields! But noooooo..."All girls love the Romance genre"...godfreakingdamnedbullsh...! Anyway, I switched to reading comics and fanfiction instead. So when I got disconnected from my fanfic/writer community, when I moved out of the college dorms, I must have gotten disconnected from reading/writing altogether. ;_; Good news: I got into manga; quickly absorbed a reflexive sense of storyboarding/paneling. Bad news, after the last Borders closed, I lost my habit of buying/reading new manga everyday, and lost even that skill. I guess I can't keep anything. Jeeze, no wonder I panic and obsess whenever I lose something, whether keys or a thought. But I'm still journaling-writing. And Tumblr-post writing. The other week, I thought about writing an article for a website, but my life experience is so idiosyncratic, I didn't know how to write for that audience. Apparently, I can't even write about my mental illness because it's not "real" compared to other people with the same mental illnesses I identify with. ~_~; I can't even write about struggling with the same doctor-prescribed regimens, because I've avoided doctors all my life. Too much anxiety there. Whenever a psychiatrist manages to trap me in an appointment, I can't think about anything except how to get out of there and avoid talking to another human being, especially about myself. No matter what tricks I have to pull to get out of there ASAP. Too bad I'm good at that. I should try NaNoWriMo more seriously this year.

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

INFP 4w5 back :) Thanks for answering things! I'm sorry I didn't give enough information to actually have you help me - I will do so now! I am 24. I love reading stories, both for the emotional connection to characters, and then fun of imagining myself in their adventures (I mainly read fiction). I am an artist and a writer - I do so because I enjoy expressing my views, experiences, and insights in beautiful/interesting/creative ways. I also love the act of creating in general - my mind is very

INFP cont: busy, and it helps me either slow that down or connect my brain to my body (I admittedly spend way more time in my head, but working with my hands and brain at the same time helps me feel connected to the outside world). 

So before I go on: this was a very long ask and I will therefore be ‘interrupting’ throughout in bold for my typing logic rather than rephrasing stuff down at the bottom.

Placing yourself in the story: that’s often the goal of stories anyway (and why self-insert is a whole thing) but it is consistent with Fi. Self-expression is something a lot of people like but it is particularly important to 4s. Brain-body connection as described here makes me think more Ne-Si axis but it’s hard for me to quite articulate why so...don’t quote me.

I like hanging out with my family and close friends - I hate being in crowds or in the spotlight. I find them overstimulating but also boring and I don't know what to do with body or what to say.

Pretty consistent for introverts who are intuitive (not just introverts who are intuitive but I’m going into this assuming it’s an INFP vs. INFJ thing unless I see blatant evidence for high Si or Se which so far I don’t.

I love being in nature - this is a new thing though, noticing nature for itself has only started happening since I was 20. I always liked the way it made me feel but didn't pay much attention to it in a sensory way until recent years. Now I love how peaceful and happy it makes me, how physically beautiful it is, but also all the ideas it generates in me - I think everything in nature is a symbol for something and it so fun trying to guess what those things are, or to make art out of things I find in the woods.

Could be either Ne-Si or Ni-Se for what it is; the age of onset is making me think tertiary sensing, plus the guessing the symbol rather than being more decisive makes me think Ne.

I also really love history and fantasy. History because I ideloize old ways of doing things (like gardening, pioneering, etc) ideal and exciting. I try to incorperate those things into my life and would like to be a homesteader or live in a bus one day, because it feels really free, and also I think connects us back to the way humans are meant to live.

Idolization of an idealized past is often weaker Si (nostalgia/sentimentality are often low Si things, contrary to popular belief that it’s higher Si. Seriously, talk to the average ESTJ, they have no nostalgia unless something changed drastically for the less efficient.)

I care a lot about people and social justice, but it tires me out, so I don't actually spend a lot of time engaging. I like listening to my friends and helping them sort out their feelings. I used to be really bad at DOING things for my friends, but I started to realize it was hurting them, so I am trying more and more to not just be a listening ear, but actively engage in their lives. I'm always torn between wanting to help people and make the world a better place, and just being free and doing what I want and find life giving.

At this point I’m already as you can tell leaning towards INFP much more. This also seems more INFP, with your Fi slowly realizing and maturing to a point where you are better able to care for others and meet them on their terms rather than your own.

I think A LOT, and I am very interested in understanding theories, concepets, anazlying people.

All intuitives like concepts, and while I dislike the assertion that introspection is the sole purview of introverts or intuitives, they definitely do it a lot.

Why I'm wondering if I might be an INFJ instead of an INfP? Mainly because two people I respect mentioned they thought I might be.

Yeah...without more than just “caring & empathetic” I wouldn’t put too much weight on it.

I had always thought I was just an INFP (MAYBE an ISFP, but I don't feel like a doer enough or in touch enough with the physical world - other then finding it super beautiful and day dreaming about it).

I’d agree, I’m really not getting much Se from your asks.

But they specifically thought my Fe seems very high - I am emotionally expressive, I care a lot for others, and I'm very sensitive to the emotional feel of people/places/situations.

So, sensitive to the emotional feel and emotional expressiveness are just feeler things. Without rephrasing the whole Fi/Fe post I always refer back to, I find that while high Fi users’ feelings tend to come from a more internalized place sometimes or are less typical in some of their reactions, they still are pretty emotionally expressive especially compared to your average thinker. There are a lot of very reserved IxFJs and very expressive IxFPs and the uneven stereotypes of constantly crying INFPs/IxFJs hiding their emotions for the sake of harmony hammer that point home.

I also tend to get hunches about situations and people, like what might happen or that I should/shouldn't do something, or about why someone is upset/happy, and am right pretty often (is that maybe dom Ni? with some Fe? or is that also Ne?)

Hunches can be anything; intuition is specifically preferring them over physical evidence (sensing is the opposite, so sensors often ignore their hunches if there’s evidence otherwise). Hard to tell because hunches are also related to thin slicing in neuroscience which is just a brain thing. Also this can be Si that you don’t realize is working - like, you’ve seen it before, but don’t consciously realize it.

I also wonder if my constant thinking and trying to figure things out (like obsessively trying to figure out my type) is Ti?

Eh, humans are curious and we all like to think. Ti is a specific approach to logic that for some reason got credit for way more (hint it was David Keirsey)

And I love talking about my feelings and am very comfy with it, which apparently lots of INFPs aren't?

Some aren’t, some are, see stuff above re: emotional expressiveness.

I also avoid conflict in public - I don't avoid it at all with my family, I avoid it moderately with good friends, and won't get into public debates. However, I will speak up in public if I think someone is doing something really wrong.

Could be enneagram 9 which is pretty common in Fi doms; it’s also just part of upbringing, that it’s not polite to start an argument in a lot of social situations, but okay with people you’re close with or if it’s something egregious.

I feel like I have a hard time expressing my opinions well verbally (Im fine writing), and it makes me afraid I won't say what I actually mean, and I also am afraid of the rage I feel in conflict and don't want to hurt others feelings by unleashing that.

W/r/t expression, that sort of conflicts with some of the emotional expressiveness you’d mentioned earlier, but either way tracks more with introversion than anything else. Fear of strong anger makes me wonder if you’ve enneatyped yourself correctly, though obviously I can’t tell if it’s your greatest fear. But I’d take a seriously look at 9 gut fixes.

I also don't like people trampling on my beliefs, so often just won't express them with those I'm not real close to. But I've read that high Fi users don't avoid conflict, and high Fe users do? And I am very willing to consider other people's points of view and MAYBE change my opinion, but thats pretty rare. I'm also a very empathetic listener - I think before speaking, ask good questions, and make noises to assure them im listening, which Ive also read is Fe. is that enough info?

Not liking people trampling on beliefs is pretty universal - even people who behave in an extreme doormat way usually don’t particularly like it deep down. For conflict avoidance see notes on enneagram 9. Openness to other points of view could come from Ne seeing different options, or Fi accepting other’s opinions as being able to coexist with your own usually; it’s also just a healthy adult thing to do regardless of type. Same goes for listening - those are all learned skills and so ask yourself if you did those when you were younger. I did mostly by the time I was 24 but I sure didn’t when I was 17, whereas people with higher feeling, and to some extent higher Fe more than Fi, tend to pick those up a bit more naturally and therefore earlier.

ah one last thing! I take a very long time to make descions - I want to make sure I'm doing/getting the best/right thing. which also seems not very INFP?

Not sure where you got that idea - indecisiveness until you know the optimum response is EXTREMELY INFP. Specifically Ne.

And I get very afraid of not having the idealized visions and dreams of the future I crave - I'm okay with the exact details being flushed out over time, but there are general dreams I will not give up. I've read thats more Ni then Ne?

It is but given the context of everything else, I think this can come from Fi if you see those dreams as identity, and ultimately everyone has goals and dreams.

Oh shit, thought of more things. I SUCK at finishing things - it takes crazy hard work for me to finish a project. I just get... bored and move on. Or procrastinate because other things are more interesting in the moment. But I'm also fairly academic and analytical - can INFP's be that? I find it very stimulating and when Im interested in a topic I want to learn EVERYTHING about it and understand it fully. And I hate when I have a mental problem that I can't solve. I will obsess.

INFPs can be analytical but it’s not your primary way of going about the world (nor is it for INFJs for that matter). Do you like it a lot in specific, lower-pressure contexts (say, academia)? That can be you exploring lower functions. It’s worth considering how you go about being analytical, and whether it seems more Te or Ti. The unsolved problem issue also depends on context, and learning everything can be Ne wanting all the information to fuel a very divergent thought process.

INFP 1,000: And I forgot the thing. I also orgionally started questioning because of my love for sensing things - I love physical beauty in home decor, nature, clothes, etc, and I love being in nature. When I was a teen and very stressed/unwell I overindulged in sensory things like sex/food/drinking/cutting, because it made me feel alive. In the same way now, engaging my senses in healthy ways makes me feel alive. But I do feel pretty crap at it. Which made me wonder if I had inferior Se.

OK so this isn’t directed at you but good lord does inferior Se get almost as much of a mythical out of proportion blow-out as dom Ni. A lot of inferior Se-credited unhealthy behaviors, while definitely present in dom Ni users, are also fairly universal. Namely, all the sensory things you mention will lead to endorphin rushes (hence the feeling alive - it’s brain chemistry) and all are pretty common coping mechanisms for depression, anxiety, or stress to the point that two of them are on the PHQ-9 depression screening. You would be hard pressed to find someone who’d never indulged in at least one under stress, and most people have indulged in several. This has been my PSA that typing based on inferior Se behaviors is a dangerous game for exactly that reason.

Anyway: overall, I see strong evidence for INFP and I’d look at enneagram 9 for some of the more conflict avoidant parts; perhaps more than 4 even though it could just be a strong 9 gut-fix as the second part of your tritype, and maybe a 5 head fix for the analytical stuff. Unless you have more details on the people who typed you INFJ I can’t really refute their arguments,but I see much more INFP for the reasons above.

[doctorbluesmanreturns]

So a few weeks ago, I wrote a long post all about dating for Christians, which as we all know is really confusing a lot of the time. Since then, I’ve thought of some more things (mostly thanks to following the wonderful @aubscares) that I should address, about when you’re in a more committed dating relationship. I’ll also talk a little bit about marriage towards the end, focusing on some problems that Christians might have in figuring out things about sex. Nothing graphic, but there’s a lot of contradictory advice out there, and popular culture also influences our thoughts about this whether we want it to or not so I’ll be tearing down a few myths you may have internalized without realizing it.

So, let’s start with dating. You’ve met a really incredible person, or else started dating one of your best friends, now what?

Well, the first advice I have might seem contradictory, and should also be practiced with extreme caution:

Don’t always be chaperoned.

I’m pretty sure that I just caused a whole bunch of parents to either have heart attacks or have their heads explode, but before you get out the pitchforks and torches, let me explain.

Marriage is, at least until (or even if) you have kids, going to be the two of you alone together for long periods of time. Therefore, it’s of vital importance that you make sure you get to know each other and how your future spouse acts when he or she is just with you, as opposed to how he or she acts when your parents are giving him or her the Intense Gaze and seeing who breaks eye contact first. Granted, that’s an extreme example, but it’s just awkward to always be around family, especially if for some reason one or more of the parents initially doesn’t like your significant other.

This is equally true of the favorite dating advice of almost all Christian relationship columnists, ministers, and assorted life coaches: the group date. Which can definitely be fun, but do you really want to be with other people every single time you go out with the man or woman you want to marry? Yeah, I wouldn’t, either.

The main reason, of course, that both Courtship (constantly being around the family of your boyfriend or girlfriend) and Group Dating are recommended is that it prevents the couple in question from getting up to anything they’d be embarrassed to have their family or friends be witness to, i.e. sex or anything related to it. Which is all well and good, and it’s definitely not a good idea to go into a locked room upstairs together and lie down on the bed. You should obviously never tempt fate.

BUT

There is an important life lesson here that many Christians, in their zeal to keep young couples “pure” before marriage (more on that below), often forget:

If you’re constantly told that you have to be watched so that you don’t start making love right there in the middle of the room, you’ll start to believe that, and that you have no self-control, and that your sexuality is dirty and wrong and something you should be ashamed of.

WHICH IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY WRONG.

Is self control hard? Of course it is, it’s always easier to give in to what your body wants rather than what you know is right. But it’s not impossible. And there’s nothing wrong with being physically attracted to your boyfriend or girlfriend--that’s a GOOD thing!! 

So, it’s important to have alone time together, in a setting which still makes it easier to fight temptation (a brightly-lit restaurant rather than a dark theater, for example), because you need to be able to see what marriage with this person is probably going to be like, and that won’t happen if you’re either surrounded by friends and family all the time, or else scared of what might happen if you’re left alone with them.

This leads to my next point:

Figure out the boundaries of your relationship together.

Depending upon what branch of Christianity you come from, there will obviously be some cultural limitations anyway. But you also have to know what you’re comfortable with doing, both before and after marriage. And you also need to know your future spouse’s boundaries, not only so that you can respect them, but also so that you can watch out in case your boundaries are totally incompatible.

For example, say you’re really shy and physical contact is hard for you until you really know someone well. (Me, by the way.) And let’s also say that you end up dating someone who is very open with people and thinks nothing of physical contact. You’re going to have to tell this person that you really don’t like being slapped on the back or hugged yet, because you don’t feel as comfortable around them as you’d like to. This could either mean that you stop dating and stay friends, or that the person agrees to adjust their behavior in order to make you more comfortable. 

And while I would probably suggest that the latter is the better option (it’s always best to try to marry someone who has a similar personality to you, introverts with introverts etc), if the person likes you enough to adapt their behavior, then there’s an important addition to that: you need to adapt some of your behavior to make them more comfortable, too. Because if they’re always on edge around you because they don’t want to upset you, the relationship and friendship will die really fast. So you should at least try to be more open with this person, and even try to move past your own boundaries a tiny bit.

AND THIS DOESN”T MEAN TO SUBSUME YOUR WHOLE PERSONALITY TO SUIT THEM, IT MEANS JUST TRY TO ADAPT AND COME OUT OF YOUR SHELL A LITTLE BIT.

And it’s important to know your boundaries about sex at this point, too. Because you need to know what you’re getting into and what your future spouse might be expecting of you. And that’s not a bad thing, it’s just good to know what kinds of things they might want to do before the wedding night rather than during, so that you aren’t suddenly thrown into a total state of confusion.

The next point is sort of related to this, and also sort of related to the earlier one:

Don’t be too concerned about “purity” for “purity”’s sake.

While waiting until marriage to have sex is a really good thing to do, it’s important that we know WHY we’re doing it, beyond “because the Bible says to wait.” 

Because if you’re only remaining pure because you’re supposed to, you can again start to see sex as something inherently bad, especially since you’re constantly being told by those around you that you can’t be trusted and, for women, that you need to dress really modestly in order to keep your boyfriend’s lust in check. 

Which is 1) insulting to men and basically assuming that the only reason we’re ever with women is for sex, and 2) really unfair to women because it makes them think their body and their beauty is somehow bad and something to be ashamed of. 

Even the name of Purity culture, and the slogan “Pure Until Marriage”, can make people believe that sex isn’t pure, and even after marriage it’s bad.

WHICH COULDN’T BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. 

There are several big reasons why God doesn’t want us to have sex until we’re married, but He definitely wants us to have sex AFTER we’re married. The first thing He tells Adam and Eve after they’ve met each other is to “be fruitful and multiply”, in other words, go make babies. 

But sex isn’t for the sole purpose of procreation, although that is definitely one of the most important purposes. It’s easy to be a cynic (I know that I was) and think things like “well, God only made sex pleasurable because there’s no other way that people would keep having kids.”

But that isn’t true, because God loves us and wants us to be happy. That’s another myth, that being happy in this life is wrong and we should be more concerned about our eternal lives than our earthly ones. And we should always be worried about our eternal lives, BUT that doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy ourselves while we’re here.

One of my best friends put it this way: if God didn’t want us to be happy, He wouldn’t have created anything that gives us joy, like animals (dogs especially) and sunsets and the beauty of nature, and, yes, sex.

So stop thinking that either sex is inherently bad, or that it’s only good if it’s used in the context of having children. Because neither of these things are true.

Going back to the original point, the reason you should wait until marriage isn’t merely because the Bible says so; it’s because sex is designed to be a gift that you share with your true love as a way to show how much you love them. It’s lowering all of your defenses and allowing someone to have control over you, and trusting them to not abuse the power you’ve given them, but instead to respect you and love you as much as you love them.

Now, in the final section, I’m going to be talking specifically about the wedding night, because Christians need to consider this so it doesn’t become some sort of really scary thing instead of a truly joyful and blessed night. And this section is going to be broken up into smaller points because, really, it’s more advice-based than the others were.

1) It is going to be really awkward at first.

If you’ve waited until marriage and suddenly you’re alone together and finally ALLOWED to have sex, yes, it will feel a little bit weird. Seeing your new spouse naked for the first time will be a little bit weird, too. And sex is inherently a little bit weird just in how it actually works. So don’t worry if you feel embarrassed or suddenly really, really shy at first, that’s all part of it.

2) Don’t worry about not being any good in bed.

This was something that used to absolutely terrify me. I was certain that, while my wife would definitely respect the fact that I had waited until marriage, she would be profoundly disappointed by my lack of knowledge. It wasn’t until a friend pointed out that, if she married me, she loves me and won’t be judging me, AND she probably won’t know much more than I do, that I stopped worrying about this particular issue. 

3) Don’t worry about following directions.

There are so many sexual guides out there that promise the BEST!! SEX!! OF!! YOUR!! LIFE!!!! that it can seem like, if we aren’t following what’s in those, we’re doing something wrong. But that’s not true, either. Adam and Eve didn’t have any sexual guides and figured it out just fine. God created us to be able to have sex--and really pleasurable sex--without needing to follow 20 pages of diagrams. All you really need to know is where the male and female erogenous zones are, and a really basic knowledge of how to stimulate those, and you’re good to go. And don’t be afraid to try different things, because what feels good one week might not feel good the next, plus doing exactly the same thing every time is just going to get boring.

Now, the point I just made might seem to contradict the one right before it. After all, if we don’t know anything about sex, how is it also possible to be able to have great sex without any research?

Answer:

4) It’s going to get better as you get used to each other.

The wedding night isn’t going to be some sort of magical, best-sex-of-your-life earth-shattering experience. And there’s no reason to think it should be. But, also remember, IT’S THE FIRST NIGHT OF A LIFETIME YOU SPEND WITH THE PERSON YOU LOVE. You have literally decades to get to know each others’ bodies and figure out what works and what doesn’t.

I’m a musician, so I like to think of it this way: it’s like being given a brand new piece of music you’ve never played before, and being asked to sight-read it and play it perfectly. And, since sex isn’t anything easy, let’s say that this is the piece of music:

Think you could play that perfectly the first time? I sure didn’t, it took me MONTHS to learn this and be able to play it correctly. I was literally figuring out things about it on the day I had to publicly perform it! (Which, all I can say is, thank heavens there isn’t a jury review for marriage!)

But I was able to learn it, by practicing and carefully figuring out the parts that really were difficult, and now I can play it through without any mistakes, on good days. There are also days where it completely crashes and burns because I’m not paying attention, but actually that’s a good thing to remember, too: sex is only as good as what YOU put into it.

Now, before I end this post, I’d just like to go through some really quick, obvious reminders for the wedding night, just common sense things that I’ve heard that I think are really valuable:

1) There’s going to be blood, bring an old--but clean!--towel from home so that you don’t ruin the hotel’s bed sheets.

2) Don’t rush into it, this is where foreplay comes in, to make both of you actually feel comfortable enough to actually want to do anything. 

3) Men, be careful that you aren’t accidentally hurting your wife, it can be painful the first time (did I mention that there WILL be blood?) so always make sure you ask if she’s OK.

4) For both of you: don’t think of sex as something you get, think of it as something you give. If you’re both entirely focused upon the pleasure of your partner, you’re both going to have a really wonderful experience.

Also, I think these are some valuable resources:

http://hotholyhumorous.com/tag/tips-for-grooms-for-the-wedding-night/

http://hotholyhumorous.com/2013/10/what-i-wish-id-known-before-the-wedding-night/

http://hotholyhumorous.com/2012/06/wedding-night-sex/

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/preparing-for-marriage/approaching-the-wedding-day/prep-for-the-wedding-night

http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2012/sex-series-grooms-guide-for-the-honeymoon

http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2012/sex-series-bridal-preparation-for-the-honeymoon

http://phyliciadelta.com/scared-wedding-night-christian/

Yes, that’s a lot of websites, but I wanted to try to find ones that would help both men and women, so really you only have to read half unless you want to know what your spouse’s concerns might be.

And, I’m very, very aware that there is FAR more to marriage than sex, but I feel that I’m already going out on a limb by writing this when I’ve never even been in a relationship. Basically, I tried to put all the good advice I’ve heard in one place, and address the things which I was scared of or worried about, and which therefore others might be as well. Marriage is far, far too complex for me to attempt to explain how a good one works except in the vaguest terms. 

But here are two things I’ve learned from watching my parents, who are best friends and have been married for almost 40 years:

1) There is no such thing as “man’s work” and “women’s work”. There is only “work that needs to be done by whoever isn’t busy with something else at that time.” I know that God created men and women for different purposes, but He also created us to have empathy and definitely allows for some overlap, especially where housework is concerned.

2) Always talk about things that are bothering you, and COMPROMISE. This doesn’t mean to back out of any issues that you really think are important, but instead to always realize that your spouse has thoughts of their own, and opinions, and dreams, and desires. Also, you’re NEVER going to get your way on everything, so be less concerned with that and more concerned with how you can make your husband or wife happy. Like I said about sex, if both of you are always 100% committed to making the other happy, you’ll both always be happy.

Thanks for reading this far and hopefully the whole part about sex didn’t make anyone too embarrassed or uncomfortable. 

I hope that I was able to address at least some of the things you might be worried about.

Have a wonderful day!

[zoematherswrites]

Happy Saturday!

Today is the first day of my Saturday blog posts and I am very excited to begin it with a music and book-related post. I know there is a book tag called the “Playlist Book Tag” which may be exactly what this is, but I was just too lazy to search up what the questions were so I will only be matching books to some of the songs on my playlist. Which is still going to be a lot of fun!

My music taste mostly revolves around classic rock from the 70s and 80s and of course, some pop bands like The Beatles. My favourite band in the ENTIRE world though is Queen. However, I only included two of their songs on here because, for some of their songs, I had a hard time coming up with books that matched them.

Anyways, here are 10 songs from my playlist matched with 10 books!

Summer Song by Himesh Patel

& Since You’ve Been Gone by Morgan Matson

This song is from the movie, Yesterday, which I saw and adored so I had to include some of its soundtrack on here. Summer Song reminds me of Since You’ve Been Gone by Morgan Matson because it is a summery contemporary book. Most importantly though, I feel as if the entire book is summarized in the first verse of Summer Song:

Sun’s in the sky And nothing can go wrong Kiss winter goodbye And sing this summer song

This first verse is basically what the main character’s best friend, Sloane, is saying to her in the letter she leaves behind after mysteriously disappearing. She is encouraging Emily to forget about her and live her life to achieve the best summer ever.

Across the Universe by The Beatles

& The Light Between Worlds by Laura E. Weymouth

The Light Between Worlds is a YA urban fantasy that is extremely atmospherical and whimsical which I think already, pairs well with this beautiful song by The Beatles. The book is all about two sisters struggling to settle back into their world after living in a magical forest for several years, and how one of the sister’s struggles more than the other.

Images of broken light Which dance before me like a million eyes They call me on and on across the universe Thoughts meander like a Restless wind inside a letter box They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe

I feel that this is such an accurate description of how Evelyn feels throughout the story. She is living in the real world, yet feels a call from her true home which might as well be across the universe. Even when surrounded by loved ones and things that make her happy, a piece of her is missing and is lost back in The Woodlands.

My Fairy King by Queen

& The Cruel Prince by Holly Black

I think this is a pretty obvious choice, but the dark and strange lyrics and tone of My Fairy King by Queen really reminds me of The Cruel Prince by Holly Black. The Cruel Prince is about the dark side of faeries that is often not portrayed in literature and this is exhibited well in the song. Also, the beauty of the Fairyland is shown through Queen’s lyrics and relates to how I picture the world in The Cruel Prince.

They turn the milk into sour Like the blue in the blood of my veins (Why can’t you see it?) Fire burnin’ in hell with the cry of screaming pain (Son of heaven set me free and let me go) Sea turns dry no salt from sand Seasons fly no helping hand Teeth don’t shine like pearls for poor men’s eyes (No more)

These words just really remind me of how I think our main character, Jude, sometimes views the Fairy world. Even if she loves it and wishes to be apart of it, she knows that she needs to be terrified of all it can do.

Chances by Five for Fighting

& Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon

Considering the name, I feel like this is fitting for what our main character is going through in Everything, Everything. Maddy has a disease where she is allergic to almost everything, and therefore, cannot leave the house. When a boy named Ollie comes along though, she starts realizing she needs to take chances in her already chanced life in order to feel like she is truly living.

Chances are we’ll find a new equation Chances roll away from me Chances are all they hope to be

These words reflect what I think Maddy felt before she met Ollie, but also after. Chances are chances, it is our choice if we want to take them.

I Want to Break Free by Queen

& When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon

Our main character, Dimple, in When Dimple Met Rishi has always struggled with her parents understanding her desire for education over finding a boyfriend/husband. When she finally convinces her parents to let her go to a summer camp for aspiring web developers, she doesn’t realize it’s still to do just that: set her up with the son of their friends. Because of this, I feel like I Want to Break Free is a fitting song.

I want to break free I want to break free I want to break free from your lies You’re so self satisfied I don’t need you I’ve got to break free God knows, God knows I want to break free

This is basically what Dimple feels towards her parents. She is mad when she learns the truth and feels that they aren’t listening to what she wants, but instead, what they want.

Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer

& The Summer I Turned Pretty by Jenny Han

It has been a while since I read this book, but I do vividly remember the main character, Belly, being absolutely in love with her older, family-friend, Conrad. Kiss Me is basically what Belly is constantly thinking when she thinks of him.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight Lead me out on the moonlit floor Lift your open hand Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance Silvermoon’s sparkling So kiss me

Again, I would NOT be surprised if these lyrics were something Belly said in the book. Not at all.

Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine

& The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

The reason why I associated these two things together is that in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Charlie struggles to make friends as he starts his first year at high school. This is hard, but even before that, Charlie has had a difficult life. I feel like Dog Days Are Over perfectly symbolizes how he feels once he meets Sam, Patrick, and their friends, and finally, becomes a part of their group.

The dog days are over The dog days are done

It’s simple, but once Charlie finds his group in school, he finally feels like he belongs. Truly, his dog days ARE over.

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield 

& To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han

Unwritten is the MOST 2000s song I have heard, but at the same time, I love it for that. It reminds me of To All the Boys because Lara Jean writes love letters to all the boys she has loved before and for the most part, lives in a fantasy world when it comes to love and relationships. Her life is definitely not unwritten, but as she becomes close with certain characters in the book, she learns to live her life as more of a “go with the flow” and “take chances” than she did at the beginning.

I am unwritten, can’t read my mind, I’m undefined I’m just beginning, the pen’s in my hand, ending unplanned

These lyrics are a great reminder on how we should all live our lives, unwritten and unplanned. Well, okay, maybe plan a little bit because otherwise, you might just be wandering around, but don’t pass up on opportunities just because they aren’t written into your 5-year life plan!

Landslide by Fleetwood Mac

& Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare

I know, I am surprised it took me THIS long to include a Cassandra Clare book but finally, we made it. Not only do I feel like ALL of the characters in QoAaD get hit by a landslide, whether that is in their relationships or just overall life, but the BOOK is a landslide too. Gut-wrenching plot point after heartbreaking plot point…I definitely feel as if I get swept away by the rubble of my heart afterwards.

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I really hear a lot of Julian and Emma in these lyrics if you know what I mean…just because they are definitely struggling with some things…I also think a common theme throughout this book is that a lot of the characters are realizing they aren’t children anymore and have to learn to understand everything they are feeling almost constantly.

Let It Be by The Beatles

& Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia

Eliza Mirk is a quiet and very introverted main character that I think a lot of us relate to. I know I do. Not only is she a creative person, being the creator of the webcomic Monstrous Sea, but she also deals with anxiety, which is something I can definitely relate to. However, she lets her anxiety for a majority of the book, get the best of her. When people try to help her and tell her the way she lives her life isn’t that healthy, she basically says “let it be”. It takes her a while to realize things need to change and that “letting it be” isn’t always the best answer.

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me Shine on ’til tomorrow, let it be I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

So many people in Eliza’s life try to help her and get her out of her chair, and I think these lyrics reflect that conflict she has with them.

  Wow! That was a long one, but there it is, me matching books with my playlist…anwyays, I hope you enjoyed it because I had so much fun creating this blog post! Don’t forget to comment below some of your favourite songs on your playlist, and also make sure you check out my last blog post which will be linked down below. Thanks for reading 🙂

Last Blog Post: How to: Get Out of a Reading Slump 2.0

  @zoermathers

    @zoeiswriting

  @zoematherswrites

Matching Books to My Playlist Happy Saturday! Today is the first day of my Saturday blog posts and I am very excited to begin it with a music and book-related post.

[samuelfields]

Taking A Vacation From Parenthood By Going Back To Work

One of the things I learned after leaving Corporate America is that entrepreneurship is much harder than a day job. When you have to be the marketer, the creator, the accountant, the publicist, and the customer support, you often wonder how you can make any decision to move your business forward.

But after over a year of being a full-time parent, I’ve come to realize that being an entrepreneur is a walk in the park in comparison!

As a stay at home dad to a newborn, you realize why sleep-deprivation is an effective torture technique used by the CIA. You experience mini-heart attacks on a daily basis because there’s always a close call as they learn to crawl and walk. You endure pain in your knees and back because you constantly get down on their level to make a connection. Your patience is tested as you read the same books, work on the same dexterity exercises, and use the same hand signs over and over again. Then of course there’s the diaper changing, temper tantrums, and crying.

Despite all the difficulties of child raising, I wouldn’t trade the initial years for the world. The joy you get from seeing your little one smile and waddle into your arms when you enter the room is priceless. There’s also an incredible sense of satisfaction helping your baby reach milestones. 

Two Years Of Full-Time Parenthood Seems Like Enough

Now that I’m in my second year of full-time parenthood, I’m beginning to plan ahead. Whereas the typical dad in America might stay at home between 2 – 14 weeks, I told myself that I would stay at home for at least 104 weeks, with the aim of going for 260 weeks until he goes to kindergarten.

Pediatricians say the first two years are the most important developmental years in a child’s life. A child’s brain triples in size from birth to age two and reaches about 75% of an adult’s brain size. Therefore, to be present as much as possible during these first two years seems like a good idea. If he becomes a problem child, at least I gave it my best shot.

Today, however, I’m really not sure if I can last much longer than two years as a stay at home dad. I’ve begun to experience occasional heart arrhythmia from the pressures of simultaneously running a business and helping care for our son with my wife. I’ve also gained another five pounds from the lack of exercise and constant food delivery. Finally I’ve begun to feel the full force of being a sole provider now that our investments are no longer easily providing a healthy return.

Some friends, who have older children, tell me parenting gets easier and more rewarding as children grow. But I can’t count on them being right. Instead, I’m counting on them being wrong so I can hopefully be surprised on the upside.

I need to find some way to unwind before having some type of breakdown. The solution I’ve come up with is taking a year long vacation by going back to work. All my male friends find fatherhood to be relatively easy because they have full-time jobs.

Several mothers I’ve spoken to have found relief in going back to work after three months, although they say they struggle with guilt. But after two years of being a stay at home dad, I don’t think I’ll have much guilt at all, especially if my son goes to pre-school.

Source: Census Bureau

Full-Time Work As A Way To Decompress

Here are eight reasons why going back to work could be the perfect vacation from parenthood.

1) A long and peaceful commute. Although commuting was the #1 reason why I hated going to work, since leaving work in 2012, ridesharing costs have come down by over 50% since. No longer do I need to wait for a super crowded bus that is hardly ever on time. I like the idea of sitting peacefully by myself in an Uber or Lyft for 30-40 minutes each morning and evening. During this time, I could daydream, sleep, or consume mindless information on my phone.

2) Easy work objectives. When I worked in banking, there was constant pressure to bring in the most revenue and be ranked in the top 3 with every single client. That’s all I knew for 13 years. When I did some consulting for some fintech startups, I realized this type of pressure was not normal. Despite working in a fast-paced startup environment, I found people at the three startups I consulted for to be much less high strung with much lower objectives. As a result, I believe I can go back to work at most places and not feel the same amount of pressure that I felt in banking.

3) Nice water cooler conversations, holiday parties, and work boondoggles. Nobody works 100% of the time during the work day. There’s a lot of long bathroom breaks, smoke breaks, coffee breaks, lunch breaks, and company outings. I’m always envious of friends who get to go with their work team to a Giants or Warriors game in the middle of the day. I love attending holiday parties and watching colleagues get drunk and making a fool out of themselves in front of their bosses. One time a guy got so drunk he professed his love for his female boss in front of a dozen folks. It was hilarious! Seriously, who doesn’t love having fun on company time while also getting paid.

4) Endless meetings to relax the mind. Some organizations have so many meetings it’s hard to get anything done. Combine so many meetings with water cooler conversations and work boondoggles, it’s no wonder why I found it much easier to get 3X more done in the same amount of time working for myself at home. Getting 1X worth of stuff done at work would be a peace of cake. I’d use all the endless meetings and extra time to zone out and recharge my mental health. I might even go work out for an hour a day as well.

5) A better social life. As an extrovert, I enjoy spending time with people. I have a feeling it’s much harder being a stay at home parent as an extrovert than as an introvert. My wife has the amazing ability to stay at home for an entire week and not go stir crazy. I, on the other hand, start getting grouchy after about one day of being at home. Joining a workforce elevates my chance of having a better social life. I should be able to make new friends and attend the random weekend BBQ or house party. I love those.

Related: The Key To A Longer Life: Fear Being Alone

6) Optimization of work. Even with blogging, there’s a diminishing level of return. It feels wonderful to work online for 1-3 hours a day and get 90% of the benefits. After the third hour of blogging, blogging no longer becomes fun. By going to work for 10 hours a day and earning a steady paycheck, I could easily maintain Financial Samurai before and after work just like the old days. Maximizing the day brings me joy.

Related: Why Blogging Is The Best Business On Earth

7) More appreciation for family. Distance always makes the heart grow fonder. But if you’re with someone 24/7, you will naturally take that person for granted. By being gone most of Monday – Friday, I’ll appreciate my Saturdays and Sundays with the family more. I’ll plan more fun things for all of us to do. With me being gone most of the week, my wife will appreciate more of my efforts during the first two years of our son’s life as well. She’ll also become more independent. Finally, my son might miss me more and be more excited to spend time with me.

8) Financial relief. The obvious benefit of full-time work is getting a steady paycheck and healthcare benefits. It was relatively easy providing for just the two of us, but something about having a baby increases your level of financial responsibility to new heights. Having an extra income and insurance source would certainly create more relief, especially if the stock market and real estate market begins to seriously roll over.

We pay $1,625 a month for health insurance as a self-employed family. Then we pay another $120 for dental insurance. That’s nuts! How is this even a reasonable amount to pay when all of us are all relatively healthy? If we stay in San Francisco and have another child, $300,000 a year in gross income might be necessary.

Find The Right Vacation Job

Getting a job at a startup, in banking, or in management consulting would not be a vacation job. Instead, a “vacation job” is one that’s at a huge organization where profits are plentiful. The larger the organization, the smaller your impact. Given management has lower expectations of you and has so much money, your stress will be lower. At a startup, one wrong decision could mean the death of the business.

Organizations that have long-term objectives instead of quarterly objectives are also wonderful. Working for a small-cap public company is probably going to be incredibly stressful because they’ll always be wondering which gorilla will launch a competing product and eat their lunch. Conversely, working at a large private organization could be just the ticket.

I don’t want the term vacation job to be pejorative. I’m simply describing a vacation job as something fun, meaningful, and that can be easily accomplished based on your skill set.

Here are my vacation jobs guesses that would best suit me:

* Venture Capitalist: You get paid well, don’t have to risk any of your money, work reasonable hours, don’t have to build a business, get to attend a lot of social functions, and aren’t judged on performance until the end of the fund’s life (5-10 years). A lot of venture capitalists don’t even have firsthand experience building a business.

* Quant Fund Manager: The computer does all the investing for you once you’ve developed the proper algorithms. So long as you are performing in-line or better than your index, all you’ve got to do is press a button once in a while and you’re golden.

* Index Fund Manager: Your job is to simply stay on top of any changes in a particular index and copy the changes in your index fund. You literally don’t have to think of any new ideas or make any hard decisions because your investors are investing in your fund for the low fees. But you can easily try to market yourself as an Index+ investor with a sexy edge if you want.

* Sports Broadcaster: It would be amazing to be a sideline reporter for every major tennis open. I can easily watch tennis for eight hours a day and talk about tennis for another four hours. Ah, now you know another reason why I’ve been practicing my oral delivery through my podcast.

* Fintech Startup Board Member / Advisor: As someone who lives in San Francisco, worked with dozens of fintech startups since 2009 and organically grew a personal finance site to 1M+ organic pageviews a month, I’d be a good fit for many startups in the financial technology space. I’m connected, have operational expertise, know how to grow a business, and have a platform they can leverage.

I’d love to know if you have a vacation job or know of anybody who has a vacation job. All ideas are welcome. By planning ahead, I hope to increase my chances of landing that perfect gig.

Related:

A List Of Career Limiting Moves To Blow Up Your Future

Family Or Career? You Only Have To Sacrifice 5 Years Of Your Life

Readers, what are your thoughts about going back to work to take a vacation from parenthood? What are some negatives about work and leaving my son behind after he goes to pre-school I’m not considering?

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[sarahburness]

How to Find That Something That Feels Missing

“The spiritual path is simply the journey of living our lives. Everyone is on a spiritual path; most people just don’t know it.” ~Marianne Williamson

I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst tightening of my chest that I had ever experienced. My heart was racing uncontrollably, my hands were clammy and cold, and nothing I did brought relief.

I prayed. I chanted. I tapped. I prayed and then prayed some more.

I thought I was going to die. I started to immediately regret all of the things I hadn’t said, all of the things I hadn’t done, and all the ways I’d failed to truly enjoy my life.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally fell asleep just to wake up in another panic because my entire body was wired from head to toe. To make matters worse, I needed to be in court bright and early (more on that later).

I remember walking into my cardiologist’s office in a panic. He insisted nothing was wrong and that I should consider quitting my job.

“Quit my job?” I laughed out loud several times.

His face was stoic. He was not joking. Sh** just got real.

After wearing a heart monitor for thirty days because I needed to get to the bottom of these debilitating episodes, thankfully, I learned that my heart was functioning just fine. But, the symptoms were a message about a much bigger problem.

I needed a makeover. I needed a blank canvas.

Up until that moment, I had lived my life checking items off a list—a list society tells us we need to tackle if we want to be happy and successful, both extremely subjective words.

The list looks something like this:

Get the degree. Check.

Buy the expensive property. Check.

Be a “good” person. Translation: overextend yourself and be everything to everyone. Check.

Dive into a soul-sucking career for the sake of prestige and money. Check.

Play it safe. Check.

Well, I had pretty much checked off the whole list. Yet, I could not shake off this deep desire to find something that felt missing. I felt empty, sad, and angry most days, yet I covered it up with a smile and fake gratitude.

I’d lost my connection. I’d lost myself. I had no idea who I was. I did not know what to believe in.

It was like I was waking up from a deep sleep. My soul was craving meaning, depth, and connection. I needed to release all of the beliefs that had kept me hostage to fear and zombie-like comfort.

My day job as a lawyer was adding a layer of stress to my life that I could not shake off. I knew that this was not the path my soul intended, yet I needed the money, so it was not time to leave just yet. And to make things more confusing, I was good at it. My brain would trick me into thinking I needed to stay in that career.

While I managed my responsibilities during the day, most nights I consume more spiritual material than most do in a lifetime. I was in search mode. Although I learned many beautiful philosophies and teachings, this consumption of information was not the answer I was seeking.

I sought coaches, attended seminars, and read almost every book under the sun, yet the feeling of connection eluded me.

Why? Because I was trying to soothe myself from the mental plane and I forgot to feel my way through the process. I did not know how to connect to my body, and I certainly was not in touch with my right brain—the center of intuition and creativity.

From that point onward, I committed myself to soul work. The road was long and windy. There were rivers of tears along the way.

During this time, I discovered things I’d kept hidden from myself and got to know myself in new ways. I was peeling back layers that slowly revealed my true self.

One of my biggest revelations during my journey is that, although I was living like an extrovert, my essence is one of an introvert. I discovered that I am highly sensitive and empathetic. It was difficult for me to accept this because I associated introversion with shyness, weakness, and weirdness, but the more I felt into this truth about myself, the more I started to love the real me.

My introversion taught me about the beauty of downtime. It helped me feel into my body and learn all the things she needed at any given time to feel relaxed and nourished.

I realized I’d been living too fast, checking off lists, too busy “being productive” and making sure that I was pleasing everyone. But, I rarely checked in with myself to process my feelings, or to feel into what I really needed. I learned that I had abandoned my needs most of my life in the name of acceptance.

Much of this process involves facing what we have denied to ourselves for so long. It is painful, but extremely powerful. The gold at the end of the rainbow: I feel more inspired, refreshed, and connected. That is the theme of my life.

Connection.

So, what are some of the lessons that you can expect when you say yes to soul work?

Embrace your feelings—even the dark ones.

You can’t be happy all the time. It’s not possible, so please do not try. Do not chase happiness.

This beautiful universe is all about duality. How could you possibly love the light without experiencing the dark?

You can’t. Because you would not have a reference point.

And, what is the fastest path to the light?

Feelings.

They are the gateway to your soul.

I’m not referring to your everyday emotions, which can feel like a rollercoaster at times. I’m talking about deep reflection. I am talking about the feelings that are trying to deliver messages to you all day long.

The good. The bad. The ugly.

An amazing mentor taught me one of the most powerful processes for releasing negative emotions.

It just requires breathing and focus on the feeling. Once you feel the energy of an emotion, it shifts and moves as you breathe into it. There are so many insights that come to the surface when you remove the initial layer and make room for the expression of the pain.

Once the veil of pain is removed, you reach a higher perspective, where you see any situation from a higher plane and not just with your limited human eyes.

Ask yourself:

What am I constantly thinking about that’s bringing me down?

What do I long to release but haven’t been able to?

Then ask your feelings:

What are you here to teach me and breathe?

Feel the feeling; breathe into it. Feel it shift and move inside of you.

Listen. And then write whatever insights you receive. Do not judge yourself at any point. These are your feelings and they are real to you.

When I asked these questions, I had to admit to myself that I was continually expecting people to behave and feel like me, and when that did not happen, I felt disappointed. This way of processing the world was bringing me down, so I reevaluated my relationships.

I realized that I had resentment because I felt like I was a giver in most of my relationships. Why? Because over-giving stems from not checking in and slowing down. I stopped being only a giver. I learned how to receive. I started to express my feelings and most importantly, I started to feel into my needs and say yes to them.

At first, it felt selfish, but then it became necessary. The more I connected with myself and learned about my true needs, the more available I was for deeper and more authentic connections with the world.

Let your inner wisdom be your guide. It knows how to best navigate your life.

We listen to opinions all day long, unconsciously and consciously. People with good intentions want to tell us how we should do things, or how we should feel, think, and act.

While I personally believe that the universe delivers messages through others sometimes, the ultimate filter of your life must be your inner wisdom, that piece of unconditional love that guides you.

This guidance is available to all of us.

Ask yourself:

What am I refusing to see?   

What am I ignoring?  

What am I hiding from myself?

You may not get answers at first, but you will start to build a connection to your inner world.

Our brains will always have a conditioned response to these questions, but when we breathe and feel into the answers, a new message may emerge for you. A new perspective may be shown to you.

One of the biggest revelations for me when I asked these questions is that my true nature is one of a healer and someone who wants to help others heal and get in touch with their hearts. Although my entire life has been all about getting things done and building a career, my true nature is all about feeling and flowing. A very different energy than the one I was creating in my day-to-day life.

There is no better place than here, than now.

Being present is one of the most challenging tasks we can undertake, but if we want to transform, we need to learn to master the present. Otherwise, we are forever chasing the next thing.

I am currently living a reality where I wish I was doing what I love full time, but apparently, I still have lessons to learn from my current day job. I stay present by being a light warrior all day, even in the courtroom. I shine my light everywhere, and I allow it to lead me.

Although I am transitioning, it has been very challenging to stay present and bring my light to my day job, because the truth is that I want to be there, but I am here for now. But if I can be present here, I can be present anywhere. Because being present means that you are connected to your body.

To stay present, every so often during the day ask yourself these questions (courtesy of Tosha Silver):

Where am I?

What am I doing right this minute? 

Where has my mind taken me?

And most importantly, am I breathing fully?

Love your rest.

This is huge. It’s essential to your health. Say no as often as possible in the name of rest!

If my body does not feel like doing something, I honor that now instead of forcing myself to do things out of obligation or pressure. If I am tired and overwhelmed, I no longer have a problem retreating and declining to attend any events, including family commitments.

At one point, I thought I needed to be everything to everyone. This led to my mini breakdown. While I still have certain obligations because that’s just life, I check in way more often now to feel into whether something is a yes or no.

This takes some practice, so please be patient with yourself and do not expect everyone to understand your journey. It’s okay, we all have our own path. This is about what feels right to you.

My new mantra is rest. refresh. repeat.

The words that come out of your mouth when you’re angry or resentful are not the deep truth.

Mental truth is reactive and layered with stories from past experiences. Mental truth is often wrapped in deep pain and insecurities.

Your soul truth is the deeper truth that’s born from self-awareness and personal insight.

For example, your mental truth may cause you to react to your partner by shouting at them or shutting down when they fail to come home at the time you expected. Your mental truth may make a million assumptions like, “They do not love me or they aren’t there for me ever or they are cheating on me.”

If you can get to your soul truth, however, you may recognize that your feelings stem from past experiences and your assumptions lie in your own insecurities.

Your soul truth may ask you to voice your concerns or speak to your partner instead of defaulting to anger or blame. Your truth may ask you to forgive yourself for any past experiences that hurt you.

Your truth will always ask you to take responsibility for how you feel, and it will always encourage you to speak from your heart and inquire from the source if you are prone to making assumptions. Your truth will also warn you if something is off and will invite you to see things for what they are.

Breathe and ask silently, put your hand on your heart and ask:

What is my message about this situation?

 How can I see this differently?

What is this moment trying to teach me?

What is my inner truth showing me?

Your truth will feel profound and anchored in love and wisdom.

Creativity is the language of your soul.

When I started to color and draw portraits from YouTube tutorials, I entered the magical world of the right brain. This is where the magic lives.

Our left brains work hard to analyze and provide logic. Sometimes, this part of our brain can go into a loop because the logical part in us does not take into account our heart’s wisdom, nor does it take our feelings into consideration.

The right brain is more intuitive and abstract. The right brain is creative. It’s a place where we feel and interpret events through our gut, colors, and senses.

For example, if I were to express anger through my left brain, I would use words like “volatile,” “pissed off,” or “explosive.” If I were to describe anger using my right brain, I might say it looks like the color red and it feels tight in my chest.

And if I ask my right brain what anger is here to teach me, most of the time, it will feel like the message is that I am not being honest with someone or myself (of course there are a million other reasons why one can feel anger).

The right brain offers more depth. Being in my right brain has taught me to feel my body and the sensations and feelings, since these are messages and nudges from our inner wisdom.

So it is important in order to reach equanimity, to find your creativity and call it forth. You will feel more connected and more centered. Find activities that do not require thinking so you can start to feel the difference.

—

As you embark on your own path, which begins with willingness and the realization that something is missing, you will undoubtedly say goodbye to who you thought you were and you will fall in love with the gift that you are.

You may feel depleted some days, but for the most part you will experience a reorganization of your life and energy. You will feel like a child learning to see the world with new eyes. You will feel a deeper feeling of peace and happiness than you ever could have found by working through society’s list. This is soul work. Are you ready for it?

About Christine Rodriguez

Christine Rodriguez is a spiritual life coach dedicated to helping others transform beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that no longer serve them so they can create a life that’s aligned with their true desires and capabilities. To work with her, please visit miraculousshifts.com.

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The post How to Find That Something That Feels Missing appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-find-that-something-that-feels-missing/

[lemonela]

My Mind Is My Best Friend

Here's a secret. Half of me loves to share the work I enjoy writing and half of me wants to remain in the comfort of my own bubble.

If you didn't already know, I'm an introvert, meaning that I recharge by being alone and not by hanging out with others. I feel like I live inside my mind 80% of the time and I know that my feelings definitely control my actions. This post is just a little glimpse of how my mind works and how my journey to becoming more self-aware of it has helped me become happier.

Realizing the power and total control of how you perceive things takes a greater level of self-awareness. I've already hit new lows this year, like becoming obsessed with stats for my blog and new YouTube channel, which I then would compare to my friends who have also started on that platform. There's other stuff as well, but since I'm still going through them, I'm still in the process of living and understanding them.

If you've seen the animated movie 'Inside Out', you know that they visually interpret the characters' minds with a control centre and characters (within the minds) that represent each emotion like anger, sadness, joy, etc. When I think of the inside of my mind, I think of it as this very comfortable, homey, & beautiful place -- books on shelves on the sides, a small coffee table with a flower in a vase and tea in a mug right next to it, and my emotions are just busy doing their own thing, chilling on bean bags or something.

I've realized that I may be too introspective that it affects how I act in person. When I think of social interaction, for example, me getting nervous or anxious in real life, I imagine my peaceful and orderly mind turning into absolute mayhem with all the emotions running around screaming 'MAYDAY! MAYDAY! EVERYTHING IS OUT OF CONTROL.' I would have hoped that for almost two decades of being alive that I would be more in control of my emotions, but at least it's becoming a slow, yet progressive process for me to first acknowledge that I've got to work on my self-control and self-consciousness.

I mention self-consciousness because that is mostly the route of my issues. Most of the time, I'm stressed out about issues that I've created inside of my mind through little worries that probably don't matter to my environment, but I've somehow made them matter to me. An example is that I used to get too scared going into my lectures late, because people would stare as I walked down the hall to get a seat. The thought of the whole experience felt so overwhelming that I ended up skipping a two hour lecture. Eventually, I just forced myself to do the very thing I was scared of and realized that no one really cares and that the slight fear only really lasts less than a minute, or however long it takes you to find a seat and sit down.

My mind is the most complicated machine I know and yours probably is as well. Being in my mind a lot, along with the lack or social interaction, has shown me that it has IMMENSE power on yourself and how you act. I figured out that sometimes you've just got to let go of your own judgements and worries that you have plastered on the walls of your mind, and just go for it. It's this whole new world of going through the open door with all of your fears inside and at least TRYING to face them instead of letting your mind constantly tell you that you can't achieve something.

In my opinion, your mind should be your best friend. Think of it as a box with a bunch of incoming and outgoing thoughts passing through every second. You can't escape your thoughts because we're always having to use our mind with everyday tasks. Sometimes, people don't like being alone with their thoughts because it brings them into dark places that they want to avoid, but c'mon now, it's your mind... face it and conquer it, and tell it who's boss (YOU ARE!!!).

I've found comfort in my own mind, because I've realized that it's something that will live with me forever.

Why would I want to continue living my life when all that's inside is negativity and a mindset that wants to bring me down? Why would I compare myself to others when I have the power to change that?

If you think you have no power over a situation, you're wrong. You have so much power, because you are the commander-in-chief of your mind. If you're in a terrible situation, you do your best to get out it. If you're insecure, stop following people who bring you down, and instead, follow those who lift you up. Remember that you're stuck with your mind forever -- it can either be the sibling you never wanted or the best friend that you've been waiting for all your life.

---

"My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice."  -- Newt Scamander (aka Hufflepuff bae), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them