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webslingingslasher · 2 years

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Do you remember?

Fun fact, I have been writing this piece off and on for about a year now. The fact I think it's finally done and ready to be shared is insane.

Pairing: MCU! Peter Parker X Stark!Reader

Genre: Fluffy, some angst.

Word Count: 6K

Summary: You told Peter you love him, he's not sure you understand what you said. You're acting like you didn't know what you said. Do you remember what you said?

Warnings: mentions of sex while intoxicated, not hammered but tipsy. no assult here baby, not on my page! also, not really stark! reader, her dad is Tony and thats it.

Peter loved and hated working with Tony alone.

Tony was the best mentor Peter could’ve dreamed of but ever since he started dating you time alone with Tony always felt off. Peter was his protege but when he became your boyfriend Tony wanted to test him further, that because his daughter had feelings for him, it was his fault. Not that he’s complaining because thank god you did but Tony didn’t have to ask questions about your relationship and back Peter in a corner with certain questions and take pride when he falters.

So when Tony told him about the sudden three day trip and they would have to do an entire suit reset and build it made him want to stomp in the lab with lead filled boots. To make matters worse he knew it would be an all night thing and you weren’t going to be around.

Tony was on one side of the lab at his own station working on the new Spider-Man suit upgrade hunched over a table, he turned every so often and would grunt at Peter looking for his approval. Peter sat on the opposite side of the lab at his own station tinkering with his web shooters, he was helping Tony update the technology with each suit upgrade; the suit got taser webs so did his shooters.

It was nearing midnight, he had been hiding in the lab for half the day with Tony. He had come over after a quick after school patrol knowing he wouldn’t be able to go out later that night. Peter showed up with a giant Delmar’s sub, the kind he could only get with a hookup. He had splurged knowing it would most likely be the last time he saw you this evening. His half of the sub had extra pickles and yours had onion, he did surrender to your request of keeping it unsmooshed. One time you gave into his claims of it being the superior way to have a sub but gagged when you told him that you “hate to break his spirits but that’s sog heaven.”

You, on the other hand, had plans with MJ to go to a small bar to watch a band play tonight. Not your style but the headliner was MJ’s favorite and she had no one else to ask. Ned promised he would have gone but bars downtown gross him out. (When MJ pointed out he had never been to a bar downtown he blinked at her and said “yeah, because they’re gross”)

When 9:30 rolled around you made your way into the lab to say goodbye to your boys. Adorned in a mid length dress to help you look a bit older than what you were, you paired it with some small heels.

“Bye Bye, I'll miss you.” You walked to your boyfriend, when he looked up from the screwdriver and disc in his hand, eyebrows furrowed, obviously not happy with his task being more frustrating than he had hoped, had smiled when he saw your face.

“Bye Bye, I’ll miss you more.” He leant up and puckered his lips and you met his mouth quickly. “Call me if you need me,” he mumbled when he pulled away, pressing two more pecks to your sticky lips.

“Bye father, love you.” You called behind your shoulder already walking towards the glass door.

“Bye daughter, be safe.” Tony shot back, not even looking up.

Then called out to you, “Heels in a bar isn’t a good idea.”

Peter smiled and watched you pout, you held a foot out and wiggled an ankle before leaving the room, definitely on your way to change into actual shoes.

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Then sometime around 11:40 Peter's phone rang, your contact photo popping up across his screen. A small smile involuntarily creeping unto his face

“It hasn't even been two hours yet!” He laughed into the phone, “Peter? It's MJ.” She didn’t laugh at his joke, his heart already speeding up. “Where’s y/n? Is she okay?” His response was quick, Tony looking around his shoulder at the kid sitting straight in the office chair.

“Yeah, sh-“ MJ couldn't even answer his question before he heard a loud voice in the background, “Is that Peter? Tell him I miss him! Where is he? Peter, where are you?” MJ pulled the phone from her ear slightly “Hold on, I'm asking him.”

“Peter!” he heard your voice cut back in whining.

“Y/N!” MJ hissed at you so you would be silenced for a moment.

“Is she-“ Peter began to form the question, MJ beating him to the punch

“Drunk? Yes. Very.” She turned to make sure you were still next to her, you twisted from side to side playing with a stand of hair mumbling to the cover song that a band was blasting through the bar rattling both of your chests.

“Peter, some men kept buying me drinks and wouldn’t take no as an answer so I need you to come save me.” You shot into the phone, tired and annoyed you just wanted your boyfriend with you.

“She kept asking for you. I gave it an hour before I called, she’s pretty drunk.” She sighed into the phone a little disappointed she wouldn’t see the last performance.

“I'll be there in 10 minutes. Wait outside if it’s safe.” He instructed MJ before hanging up and standing on his feet.

He looked at his mentor and girlfriend's dad who was already staring at him. “Y/N got drunk at the bar and wants me to come get her.” He filled Tony in so he wouldn’t panic like Peter had.

“Like father, like daughter.” He chuckled before turning back around to get the update time on the suit and sighed at the estimated time.

“I'm going to get her and help her to bed then we can finish, okay Mr Stark?” Peter asked his boss.

“Get her home in one piece.” He waved him off.

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“How long is ten minutes?” You asked MJ.

You were sitting outside the small bar, vines pressing into your backs where they were growing up the wall, dust settling into your bare thighs.

“Ten minutes”. She quickly replied

“Oh. Okay.” You swept your hand over some dirt in the concrete. You were silent for less than ten seconds, “It hasn’t been ten minutes?” You scrunch your face.

“It’s been-“ She pauses to look at your phone, “Seven minutes.” You nod.

“You know one of the things I love about Peter is that he’s very punctual.” You gave MJ a knowing look, “when he actually shows up I mean.” She nodded knowing what you meant.

“He's still a really good boyfriend though.” You begin plucking weeds growing between the concrete cracks.

“I miss Peter, has it been ten minutes?” You went to look at MJ once more when you heard

“I missed you too, and it’s been nine minutes.” You gasped at the boy in front of you, surprised as if you weren't aware he’d be showing up.

You looked at MJ next to you and slapped her arm, “See! what did I tell you, punctual!”

You raised your hands palm up gripping at Peter so he could help pull you up. Once you were standing he pulled you into his side tightly placing you under an arm so you wouldn’t wobble when he offered his hand to MJ.

Before all three of you could walk away from the bar you looked at Peter “I missed you. Can I have a kiss now please?” you already had your mouth in his face, not really giving him a choice but he laughed anyway and gave you three quick kisses.

You pulled back looking at your boyfriend, a lust driven haze swallowed your eyes “Can we have sex when we get home?” You asked. Peter choked on his air and MJ busted out laughing, your eyes swept from MJ to Peter not understanding the joke until Peter said “not in front of our friends.”

Peter gave MJ the car to get home and walked you the shortest distance home, figuring the walk would help sober you up.

“And then I told him I was only a baby and he was still buying me drinks! I was okay with one or two but then he wouldn’t stop telling me to drink and I was wasting alcohol and then I got really scared.” You were explaining the night to Peter, talking with your hands, watching your face shift into a million emotions.

“Is that when MJ called me?” Peter continued to learn the story

You nodded frantically, “Yes. Thank you for saving me.” You smiled at him before interlocking your hands and swinging them.

“I love dating Peter, don't get me wrong but I like when I get to date Spider-Man too.”

“Can I piggyback?” You huffed in the middle of the street, annoyed with walking.

Peter knelt down in front of you and hooked his hand around your knees to help push you around his back, the perks to a super strength boyfriend- they can carry you for miles.

Resting a chin on his shoulder you had your arms wrapped around his neck one hand loosely pointing at objects and giving them a life story, “and that lamp post Petey, imagine the things it’s seen. Imagine how long it’s been there!”

Talking to him about the things you saw on the way home from “way up here!” and a small game of i-spy you kept losing because you kept forgetting what color Peter said he saw.

“Can we have sex?” You whispered in his ear, cautious to look around you to avoid the embarrassment he had the first time you asked.

“Let me get you home first and ready for bed.” He replied sternly before lifting you higher on his back.

“Okay!” You took that as a win, and settled back into his shoulder.

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“Are you hungry?” Were the first words Peter asked when you walked into the kitchen.

“Oh my god, I was just about to say I was starving.” Your eyes widened at him, “We are seriously made for eachother.” You clapped him on the chest before asking him for a bowl of cereal.

Two bowls of Coco Pops later, Peter had finally gotten you upstairs in your room and had helped you undress.

“What pajamas do you want?” He stood in your closet waiting for you to tell him what shirt.

“Yours!” You yipped back.

“Mine what?” He looked down at himself, he was wearing a normal outfit. Jeans, shirt, hoodie.

“Shirt.” You pointed at his shirt, and so did he. “The one I'm wearing?” His girlfriend nodded her head enthusiastically, taking her bra off as he shrugged his shoulders and gave her what she wanted.

“Wash your face, brush your teeth.” He instructed her next. He watched her stand in the mirror for a minute, “do you need any help?” she shook her head.

“I'm going to go update your dad, I’ll be right back okay?” He waited for an answer before leaving, zipping his hoodie over his bare skin.

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“Y/N‘s okay.” Peter knocked on the glass next to him so he wouldn’t sneak up on Tony.

“Good, is she in bed?” He was ready to finish for the night, they were set back a good thirty minutes to an hour now.

He shook his head, “She’s brushing her teeth and wants me to stay with her until she falls asleep. It won’t be long though.” He promises.

“Take care of her.” The elder Stark waved him off once more.

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“Okay I read this at least four times in the mirror,” you turned when you saw your boyfriend reappear behind you. “And I still don’t understand what it means.” You were referencing the shirt you were in. It had a science joke on it, or maybe math.

“It says find x, and the x is circled.”

“oooooh,” You dragged out. “I knew that.” You quickly added.

You stepped in front of him and gave him a hug, holding on, you looked up “teeth brushed, face washed, can we have sex now?”

Peter brushed some hair from your face, “are you okay?” He asked quietly.

“Are you asking if I'm sober?” You kissed his palm.

“What's the last ten letters of the alphabet backwards?” Peter asked, holding your hand with one and scratching down your back with another.

“z,y,x,w,v,u,t,s,r,q” You replied

“Who won the 2016 presidential election?”

“Don’t make me say it.” You bit back.

Peter muffled a laugh, “How many fingers am I holding up?” He lifted his hand in a peace sign, you squint your eyes and concentrated, “Twelve.”

“Seems sober to me.” He told you.

“Sex time?” You looked up at him.

“Sex time.” He deadpanned.

“Fuck yes! You’re the best boyfriend ever. I love you.” You squealed and pressed a fast kiss to his mouth before you hopped into your bed, fixing the pillows.

Peter stood solid in the ground. He wasn’t sure if you were so sober now, his heart was suddenly red hot and he felt like he needed to lay down. Those words had never come from your mouth before and you shot them with such ease it almost unsettled him.

He loves you. He knows that for certain, he just didn’t know you did. And he’s not even sure you understand what you just said because his ears are ringing and you're humming on your bed kicking your feet.

“Y/N?” he cautions your name, before he goes forward with the kisses and coos he wants to be sure they’re on the same page

“Peter!” You call back.

“Are you gonna get me naked or am I gonna get me naked?” You asked him before he was able to say anything more to you.

Peter started to unzip his hoodie, he figured if she was playing dumb so would he.

Drunk words sober thoughts rant in the back of his head but he pushed that to the back of his mind. He could analyze this another day, as of right now his beautiful tipsy girlfriend was begging him for sex and he wasn’t going to let her down.

Walking his way towards you he bent down to kiss you before getting on top of you, not missing the loud squeal you produced when he ran his hands under the shirt you were wearing preparing to take it off.

He pulled back slightly looking down at your wide eyes sparkling in the moonlight creeping between the cracks in the blinds.

Your cheeks flushed and a cheek hurting smile adored your face, he’s never loved you more in this moment but instead of filling you in on his thoughts he whispered a “Shhh..” before placing his lips on yours delicately.

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Watching you sleep on Peter's chest has never felt like this before.

He’s always thought you were beautiful, and he always thought he loved you but having your weight on him, soft snores coming from your mouth while his hands ran down your naked back he felt different.

When you told him you loved him, intentional or not, something changed. He felt it immediately.

Peter had always been caring and would stop at nothing to keep you safe but after tonight the feeling deepened. It went from keeping you safe to a sense of protection, he felt like it was his personal duty to harm whatever came in your path.

He moved a piece of hair from your face as it dawned on him, he told himself “I would kill for her.” He felt his heart get loud in his chest and ears and felt his feet clam up, he hadn’t felt like this before.

It’s never been so black and white, he knew at that moment had everyone ever tried to hurt you he would do anything in his power possible to keep you safe and protected.

And suddenly he had to leave. He didn’t like that feeling. He's a good guy, he’s the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, he keeps the city safe. So the idea of him being so okay with hurting anyone who ever tries to touch you scares him.

He was thinking like a villain; heros will protect the many at the cost of one but villains protect one at the cost of many, and he would destroy New York for you.

Gently removing himself from the bed he slowly gets dressed before heading back to the lab with your dad to finish the nightly task before the early morning.

Sliding back into the lab he threw himself down into the chair focused on his web shooters.

“Are you okay?” Tony asked the protege already sensing something was off, standing to his full height and turning to Peter directly.

Peter didn’t look up but responded, “She said she loves me”

Tony's eyebrows went up, “Did you say it back?”

“No. I don't even think she realized she said it.” He twisted the screwdriver in his hand.

“Is that why you're upset?” Tony asked back, arms crossed over his shoulders.

“No.” Peter shook his head, he didn’t want to have this conversation with his girlfriend's dad but seeing as he was also a superhero he was probably one of the only people that could truly understand it.

“She was laying on top of me just sleeping, and this feeling came over me and sent me into a panic. I always thought I would protect my friends and May the best I could but just seeing her tonight I realized that I would die for her.” He paused, “I would kill for her.” Peter finally looked up and locked eyes with his mentor and girlfriends father hoping he would understand

He nodded, letting him continue “I've never felt that way before. I feel responsible for keeping my city safe but I've never felt responsible for another person before.”

“And it’s fucking terrifying.” He let out in a breath, his chest already feeling lighter. “I really love her, Mr. Stark.” His eyes started to sting, whether it was from tears or exhaustion he wasn’t sure.

Tony nodded his head before coming closer and sitting across the bench from him.

“When Y/N was born, after I held her for the first time I told everyone I was going downstairs for coffee but I actually went into the garden and just cried because I had never had a feeling like that before in my life.” He spoke softly but sincerely.

“When Y/N told me how much she had liked you before she even told you I immediately felt a pressure coming off of me, because I knew no matter what she was always going to be safe and cared for with you.”

“It’s scary to feel so strongly about someone else but seeing it recipucated makes it all worth it, and super powers or not Y/N would die for you too. Not that you’d ever let her.” He laughed at the end, but meant every word. His daughter was one of the strongest people he knew.

Peter smiled at that.

“I know.”

Tony slapped his hand on the table, “Now how about you say we finish this up and get a few hours of sleep in before the trip tomorrow?”

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About an hour later you woke up, groggy with a pounding headache and an empty bed. Pulling yourself to the bathroom to pee, you put Peter's shirt back on and some slippers before making your way to the lab.

Walking in Peter's head looked up at you before clicking his tongue at you, “What are you doing up?” he joked.

“What are you not doing in bed with me?” You asked back before sitting down on his lap, your head falling into his neck.

He wrapped his arm around you holding his web shooter in one and screwdriver in the other still trying to piece them back together.

“How much longer?” You asked huffing at the fluorescent lighting.

“Maybe 10 minutes.” Peter replied softly knowing you're still on the brink of sleep.

“I have a really bad headache.” He could feel you frowning in his neck.

Pausing his hand movements he pulled you tighter “Do you want me to get you some medicine?”

You nodded but tightened your hold on him when he went to stand up, “you can finish first, I’ll just sleep here.” You snuggled deeper into him finally finding the perfect position that blocked all the lights out.

Peter went back to working and sure enough felt your body get heavier and a bit more loose as you actually dropped back to sleep.

Ten minutes ended up being almost twenty five but once he was done and Tony left the lab with a “Goodnight, be ready by 7:15,” He had started to run his hand down your back trying to slowly wake you back up.

“Let's go to bed, okay?” He whispered in your ear.

Still more than half asleep, you nodded but kept your eyes closed and pressed yourself to Peter so he would keep you balanced while he walked you to your room.

Stopping at the kitchen to get you a water bottle and some pills for your headache and then finally back to your room to cuddle for the night.

When you finally laid back into bed with him you shoved your face into his bare chest, your legs intertwined with his, you grabbed onto his hair with one hand too tired to scratch at it. He nudged you anyways and you started to run your fingers through his curls and he gave a contempt sigh, you shuffled your hips closer to his and pressed around his body tighter.

You broke the quiet moment with a whisper.

“You’re not allowed to leave.”

Peter laid his head on top of yours.

“You know what I hate about Spider-Man?”

No. He never talks bad about his alter ego, always going on about responsibilities and stopping bad things from happening, he has never complained or ragged on him. You shook your head into his chest, your hand still reached over your head, still dragging fingers through his own.

“I hate we’re two people in the same body. Sometimes when I take off the suit I wish I was actually taking it off. Like, I lost all responsibilities and I was just Peter Parker. A normal 18 year old, about to graduate having a dope ass intern gig and dating Tony Stark’s daughter and not sharing that with Spider-Man. I wish it was a switch I could turn on and off, and when I'm with you, I really hate having to leave to go be, him.”

He sighed and you tugged at his hair to show you were listening and waiting for more.

“Sometimes, it just feels,” Peter stopped when his voice cracked. You knew that was a warning sign from Peter, he was about to cry. He laughed to hide a sob, he stayed quiet. You stayed on his chest, you turned your mouth in to press three small kisses, “Feels like what?” You whispered against his skin.

He shook his head, if he stayed silent one more time you knew he was already crying but trying to hide it. “Petey?” Your head bounced from his chest when he let out a sob, his breathing getting loud, you sat up to face him watching him hold a hand over his mouth as another one was on his chest trying to ground his breaths. Tears were flowing down his cheeks, he choked out another sob on his hand, you tried to pull his head to your chest but he pushed you away.

"It just feels unfair."

You’ve only seen him this bad once before, it was after a mental breakdown, similar to this one. It was just a combination of everything happening at once.

He and you had a fight, May was mad about something, he was getting his ass beat nightly and couldn’t even catch the guy and couldn’t get Tony to help because he pissed off his girlfriend, and therefore Tony was pissed at Peter.

And he was trying to study for the upcoming SAT while trying not to think of you being mad at him and how he was going to fix that, while also thinking about that guy still kicking his ass and his suit tech failing after various beatings but he was banned from the tower until he made up with Y/N, per word of her father.

And, trying not to think about May being pissed about something still, and not remembering what it was but it was probably a big fuck up on his end and reached his breaking point while in this spiral May came through his door and asked him “Why haven’t you taken the trash out? Or brought the laundry down? Or wash the dishes? Or anything I asked you?” Her tone was bitter, she sure was pissed.

Then Peter turned his head to his desk, saw his phone resting on his PSAT workbook unlocked with your messages open but with nothing new. He snapped the pencil in his hand and sobbed. He cried so hard and suddenly May ran to him to grab him from dropping to the floor, “Peter?” He wouldn’t stop, he was babbling between not being able to breathe, his sobs were full of chokes and coughs.

“Sorry-” “Tired” “Y/N” “Fight” “Banned” “Stressed” “Sacred” Were bits and pieces of the words May heard from him, sorry was a favorite he was using on loop. “Peter, what can I do? You need to calm down.” She was rubbing at his chest like she did when he was a baby, it would always calm him down. Sometimes she would catch you doing the same thing, “Y/N” He nearly screamed it with his cry, “I can call her, I can call her,” May fumbled for her phone in her pocket.

You looked at your phone light up with May’s contact photo, your brows furrowed. She never calls you. Texts, sure. But Calls? No. You almost thought it was Peter but you didn’t block his number or anything so there was no reason.

“Hello?”

She heard cries and heaving breathing in the background

“Y/N, you need to come over right now.”

May was quick to the point. You heard a chorus of ‘Sorry’ in the background and coughing and sniffles.

“Is he okay?”

“No.”

Your heart hurts. You’ve never heard anything like this from him.

“I’m on my way. Can he hold the phone?”

You heard May ask the question, a shuffling sound played, the trading of hands.

You knew Peter was on the phone, the sobs ceased but he still couldn’t catch his breath, you heard sharp quick intakes every few seconds, no doubt tears still falling down his face.

“Peter? Petey, listen to me. I’m on my way to come see you, okay? I need you to catch your breath, can you do that? I’m coming, Peter. I promise.”

“M’ Sorry.” His voice was squeaky, he was forcing the words out.

“I’m not mad. I’m not mad I promise. I just miss you and want you to be okay. I’m on my way right now.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

He pushed the phone back to May and she ended the call. His crying stopped, his breathing slowed. He was calm for a couple minutes. Then he remembered the fight, again. And about the SAT’s and how he’s still not done with that guy from three nights ago and started all over again.

You remember how broken he looked then, how stress piled on him and crushed him entirely. His plate was so overloaded it cracked the glass. You sat next to him on the floor and straddled his hips, you pressed yourself to him and repeated ‘I’m here’ over and over.

But tonight he was rejecting your help.

“It just feels so unfair”

He felt so shameful using these words. It was his secret, he always thought about it but there was nothing he could change about it so why complain?

“It is unfair, Pete.”

“It’s really unfair,” You added. “It really sucks you have to miss out on things in your life to do things in another life you didn’t ask for. It’s actually kind of shitty, I don’t know how you don’t complain more.” You were honest but you got a laugh from Peter and kept going, you were slowing his brain.

“Seriously, babe. Could you imagine if I had powers? Do you know how much I would drag on about it? ‘Oh my god, I had to, like, save a child today. Ugh,’ Or, i’d be like, ‘bro they asked me to hold a ferry together, ME!’” You smiled at Peter’s face brightening up. “I would never shut up about it. You’re braver than the marines for never talking shit on the web man.”

“Web man?” He gave a guttural laugh

“You’re a good person and you don’t deserve half the shit life throws at you.”

“What’s the other half of shit I do deserve?”

“Me.”

Peter sighed and laid on you this time. He kissed your temple, they didn’t need to say anything more. He was soaking up this moment, in just five hours he would be up and on a quinjet to a top secret location he would find out on the way, and be missing your warmth for three days. He would normally tell you he would never deserve you but he let you win tonight.

“Good night, baby.”

“Good night, Petey.”

Peter woke to Tony pushing on his shoulder, “Get up kid, let’s go.” He lifted his head from his girlfriend's shoulder and turned towards Tony and gave him a death glare.

He removed himself from the bed with a groan when Tony left the room. Peter watched your body lay unmoving and moved around the room silently collecting his things. He pulled on his suit and folded up his clothes on the floor and grabbed his phone and the small bag he would be taking with him on the trip.

He moved to your side of the bed, you were still squished in as if Peter’s weight was still resting on you, soft snores billowed from your mouth, hair combed around your face and he moved his hand across your forehead to clear it. When he moved his hand across your face you lent into it, a subconscious movement that had you leaning into his touch. He sighed and felt upset to be leaving, it would only be two nights away, he could deal with that.

“Hey baby?” He lent down to kiss across your face, trying to wake you to say goodbye always hurt him.

You whined and pressed your cheek further into the pillow. Peter kissed the cheek facing him a few times before he tried again.

“Baby, I’m leaving. Give me a kiss before I go.”

Your eyes opened for a moment seeing your boyfriend sitting over you, his red and blue suit contoured to his body. It was too early for him to be Spider-Man.

“It’s too early for Spidey.”

“I know. It’s a good thing he can sleep on the plane.”

You opened your eyes again, awake for now. You studied his face, he looked okay.

“I thought we said you were staying home.”

“Next time,” he smiled.

He would’ve added a ‘promise’ to it but he wouldn’t make a promise to something he knew he couldn’t keep.

You make a ‘psh’ sound, “Yeah, right.”

“Two minutes, Underoos.” Tony’s voice belted from the hallway.

“C’mon. One kiss, and I’ll be back before you miss me.”

You leaned up to kiss him. It was a soft kiss, a goodbye kiss, an I’ll miss you kiss, an be safe, I need you kiss.

He pulled away and turned to leave when you called from the bed,

“I love you, Peter. Be safe.”

His head never whipped around so quickly, his face with a smile you’ve never seen before.

“You remember!”

He wanted to tell you those words last night so badly but was terrified you said it in a moment of recklessness and wanted to make sure they counted when he said them.

He jumped full force onto the bed barely catching himself before he flattened you. He was pressing kisses all over your face while you were giggling trying to push him off, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” was thrown with each kiss to a new spot.

“Of course I remember! I love you and I want you to know it.”

“I love you too, and I want you to know it.”

Tony interrupted the moment,

“Now. Spider.”

He nodded at you, “Be careful when I’m gone Y/N. You need either one of us just call, we’ll be around. I’ll see you in three days, okay?”

“Okay. Bye dad. I love you, be safe.”

Tony looked to Peter for him to follow him out of the room.

“I love you Petey.”

“I love you too.”

#peter parker blurb #peter parker smut #peter parker fluff #peter parker x reader #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker angst #peter parker x stark!daughter #peter parker imagine #peter parker mcu #peter parker #my writing

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inneedofsupervision · 9 months

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Masterlist

Here you can find all the fanfics I have written and fandoms I'm into. Feel free to reblog, like and comment on whatever you enjoyed reading. You can find all of the fics on Ao3 too.

Short Info: All relationships in my fics are strongly platonic and without sexual themes unless explicitly stated otherwise.

Marvel

Movie Night? No, thank you. - Lee! Peter Parker / Ler! Bucky Barnes, Ler! Sam Wilson (Read on Ao3)

This Thing about Blankets and Second Chances - Lee! Peter Parker / Ler! Bucky Barnes, Ler! Sam Wilson (Read on Ao3)

So, you got Detention - Lee! Peter Parker / Ler! Steve Rogers (Read on Ao3)

The Big Bad Wolf And The Itsy Bitsy Spider - Lee! Peter Parker / Ler! Bucky (Read on Ao3)

Suit Up - Lee! Peter Parker / Ler! Ned (Read on Ao3)

An eventfull Tuesday Afternoon - Series (completed)

Part 1: No Spilling Secrets - Lee! Peter Parker / Ler! Clint Barton, Ler! Sam Wilson, Ler! Bucky Barnes (Read on Ao3)

Part 2: Hey Mister Villain - Lee! Peter Parker / Ler! Tony Stark (Read on Ao3)

Headcanons

Marvel Headcanons

Kuroshitsuji / Black Butler (Not writing anymore for this fandom)

Prince Soma's Remedy for Boredom - Lee! Ciel / Ler! Soma

Sore Loser - Lee! Ciel / Ler! Soma

Past Your Bedtime - Lee! Ciel / Ler! Sebastian

Sleepless Nights / Lee! Ciel / Ler! Sebastian

Non-Tickle Fics

Marvel

An Enemy? A Friend? No, just your friendly neighborhood Spiderman.

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Summary:

"Come on, Parker, say something. But don't make it embarrassing," thinks Peter. "Those are your childhood heroes, and they want something from you. Just say hi like a normal person." "Good evening, Mr. Barton, Sir. Mr. Wilson, Sir." "How do you know our names," asks Clint, sounding genuinely curious. "You have a Wikipedia page!" blurts Peter out before wincing inwardly. There goes his plan for a non-embarrassing first impression. "You've read our Wikipedia pages?" asks Sam slowly, as if saying the words slowly would let them make more sense. "Twice, actually." ________________________________ Are the Avengers a Team? Yes. Are they on good terms? Not necessarily. Has the public caught up on that? Maybe a little. When Fury sends the team on the mission to investigate the identity of New York's favorite vigilante, they have to learn to work as a team and not damage their already battered image. Or, the story of how the Avengers have to earn the public's trust back with the help of a certain crime fighting Spider.

(Read on Ao3)

I didn't ask, did I?

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Summary:

Happy begrudgingly steps aside and walks after Tony into the diner. The billionaire skillfully ignores the gasps of surprise and the poor attempt to take pictures of him secretly as he strides straight up to the counter. "Two cheeseburgers and a large fry. To go." "Please get in line and wait for your turn, Sir." "Excuse me?" Tony slowly pulls his sunglasses down and glances at the skinny teen behind the register. "Bad hearing comes with age, huh?" mutters the teen under his breath. Happy makes a choking sound behind him. ___________________ Or, how Tony Stark gets sassed by some high schooler working part-time and makes it his mission to figure out what he did to make this kid he'd never seen hate him. If that means annoying the hell out of said high schooler, that's not his problem.

Read on Ao3

Fandoms I'm writing for:

The Avengers, Spider-Man

Fandoms I'm into (and maybe start writing for in the future): Daredevil, Deadpool, Venom

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1800-fight-me · 1 year

Note

So i was just re-reading 'Broken Vows' and I was wondering do you think the reader and Aemond ever told Ned about who his true father was or he just found out on his own? (also I am so sorry if you have already answered this question)

2nd Epilogue- Broken Vows

Part One Part Two Part Three First Epilogue

Aemond Targaryen x Female!Reader

Rating: M (Mature) As always, minors please do not interact!

Warnings: Angst

Word count: About 800 (it’s a lil one!)

Synopsis: Your son learns the truth about his parentage.

Author’s note: Okay but for real this ask made me emotional. Broken Vows is my favorite thing I've ever written, literally a labor of love, and you're telling me that you liked it enough to read it more than once?? And it's on your mind enough that you have questions for me about it?? I am kissing you right on the forehead!! Please enjoy this drabble I wrote way back when I was writing the fic that I did not think anyone would be interested in!!

Important announcement!! I am no longer using a taglist! Instead if you would like to be notified when I post new fics follow my side blog @jo-writes-fanfic and turn your post notifications on!

Aemond Masterlist

“Tell me the truth, mother!” your son yelled as tears streamed down his face.

“Oh, my little dragon heart,” you said gently as you reached for his hand.

He snatched it away and glared at you.

“I am no longer little. Tell me the truth of it!”

You took a deep steadying breath. “Ned, whatever you have heard, you do not need to heed the words of gossipers-”

“Tell me!” he yelled just as Aemond strode into your shared chambers.

You sat down heavily and placed a hand on your pregnant belly.

“Why are you raising your voice at my wife?” Aemond asked sharply as he came to your side.

“She is my mother and-”

“She was mine long before she was ever your mother, you best show her respect and watch your tongue, boy,” Aemond said angrily as he placed a hand on your shoulder.

The twelve year old boy blinked in shock and disbelief, both at Aemond’s words and his harsh tone that he never used with his children.

Though, Aemond has always been vicious in his protection of you.

“Aemond,” you protested softly, but he did not turn to you. He instead continued to stare at his son.

“T-that’s not true, is it? She- she was married to my father first. Mother, tell me it is not true, please,” he said with tears in his eyes as he fell to his knees before you.

“Ned,” you said gently as you ran your fingers through his snow white hair.

“Am I a bastard?” he asked as tears streamed down his young face.

You looked up at Aemond and he nodded, letting you know that he agreed with you that it was time to tell him the truth.

“You were born of love. That is all that matters,” you said gently.

He shook his head and tears streamed down his cheeks, still chubby with youth.

Aemond sat down next to you and placed a gentle hand on Ned’s shoulder.

“So it is true? You are my true father?” he asked Aemond.

Aemond nodded.

Ned buried his face in your lap and wrapped his arms around your waist as he sobbed.

“Is that why you have always called me your little dragon heart when we are alone?” he asked, his voice muffled by your skirts.

“Yes, you were born of the love between Aemond and I. The timing does not matter-”

“It matters!” he exclaimed as he sobbed again.

You sighed.

“It matters,” Aemond agreed. “Your last name is Stark instead of Targaryen as it should be. Your claim to Winterfell will always be questioned due to the color of your hair and your resemblance to me and your younger siblings. And unfortunately, you will not have a dragon as Targaryens should.”

“Why would you do this to her? To me?” Ned accused him in a harsh tone.

“It is more complicated than you understand or need to know right now,” you said gently.

He sniffled.

“Not many children can say they were born of love rather than duty,” you consoled as you ran your fingers through your son’s hair once again.

“It will be alright, son. We will deal with any difficulties together as a family,” Aemond said and Ned nodded before he unwrapped himself from you and stood.

He looked at Aemond, who smiled softly at him.

“You have called me father since shortly after you learned to speak as I wed your mother when you were only three years of age. Nothing has changed,” Aemond reassured him as he stood.

Ned sought refuge in his father’s chest as he hugged him and Aemond squeezed him lovingly.

“Do not worry on this anymore, my little dragon heart,” you said and he nodded as he turned back to you.

He looked back at Aemond.

“I am sorry I raised my voice at you, mother,” he said shamefully.

“I know you are,” you said as you raised your face in a gesture he knew meant you expected him to kiss you on the cheek. He complied with a sheepish smile.

“Go on,” Aemond said as he ruffled his hair.

Once Ned left, Aemond sat next to you and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips.

His hand rubbed your growing belly as he pressed another kiss to your forehead.

You melted into his touch.

“That was a difficult conversation,” you sighed.

He nodded.

“It was inevitable though,” he said.

“I just thought he would be older before we would have to tell him,” you lamented.

“I am surprised it took this long,” he said.

You sighed again.

“It will be alright, dear heart. We will deal with any hardships together,” he comforted you as he pulled you onto his lap.

You nodded.

“Kiss me again,” you asked.

“Of course, lovely wife,” he said before he pressed his lips to yours.

#aemond targaryen #house of the dragon #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x you #aemond targaryen x y/n #hotd #broken vows

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in-my-feels-probably · 2 years

Note

i love love looove how you write!

if possible, could we get a sweet Robb Stark growing up with the daughter of one of the Stark bannermen who gets in a bad riding accident as a kid leaving her face scarred up meaning she doesn't really have any suitors when they get older but Robb realizes he's been in love with her all along !!

Flaws

Request: if possible, could we get a sweet Robb Stark growing up with the daughter of one of the Stark bannermen who gets in a bad riding accident as a kid leaving her face scarred up meaning she doesn't really have any suitors when they get older but Robb realizes he's been in love with her all along !!

Hi! Thank you for the kind words. I really love this request, thank you for sending it in. This is the last request I currently have in my inbox, I’m glad it’s a good one. I’m sorry for the wait, hopefully this is what you were looking for. I hope you enjoy it!

(Warnings: slight mentions of gore, mentions of an attack, blood and scars, slight angst, let me know if i missed anything)

—

You had lived in Winterfell for most of your life. Your father, a Lord and bannerman of House Stark, sent you to Winterfell just after your ninth name day, so that you could properly be raised as a Lady.

Lord Stark, Ned, happily welcomed you into his home. You immediately grew close to all of the Stark children as the years went on, each of them taking a liking to you in their own way.

You’d sneak Arya out of her lessons with the Septa, letting her guide you around the castle instead. You weren’t afraid to get your hands dirty or muddy your skirts, and Arya liked that about you.

You’d sit with Sansa while she did her needlepoint, letting her ramble on about the recent gossip she had heard that day. She was much different than her sister, but you enjoyed her all the same. She enjoyed having another girl her age that had similar interests as her.

You’d read to Rickon during your free time, doing all the little voices that would make him giggle. He was too young to understand why you were there, but his face always lit up at the sight of you.

You’d watch Bran during his archery lessons. Your father thought it pertinent to teach you the skill, and you had gotten quite proficient at archery by the time you were Bran’s age. He loved when you’d attend his lessons, helping him practice a new skill.

Despite how often he brooded, Jon appreciated your company more than most people of the castle. He always felt like an outcast in his own home, aware that his status was lower than his family’s. When he was with you, accompanying you to whatever your plans were that day, it was easy to forget about his position. Your position was lower than the Stark children’s too, and Jon thought it was easy to be around you. The majority of smiles he’d crack throughout the day were with you.

Of all of Lord and Lady Stark’s children, you enjoyed Robb the most. The feeling seemed to be mutual. You were closest in age, and had so much in common. He loved everything about you. The way you were with his siblings, how easy you were to be around, how happy you made him feel when he was around you.

His favorite thing to do with you was going horseback riding. It was one of the times he felt freest, galloping through the forest with you, watching the wind blow through your hair.

Unfortunately, it was that very activity the both of you loved, that got you hurt.

It happened when you were ten, on an evening ride. There was a miscommunication, and a hunting party ran right into you and Robb’s path. One of the men shot an arrow, which grazed the side of your face and slid down on impact as it cut in, before it fell to the floor.

You were knocked off your horse, and you hit the ground with a thud, unmoving. Robb had quickly dismounted, screaming your name.

He thought you were dead when he rolled you over, and was met with blood running down your face, your breath shallow. He let out a cry as you groaned, immediately yelling for Maester Luwin to be fetched.

He helped you onto the back of his horse, riding back into Winterfell. Maester Luwin did what he could, suturing the skin together, but there wasn’t much else he could do besides give you an ointment to put on the wound daily to help it heal.

The arrow left a scar that ran from the top of your eyebrow to the bottom of your cheek, stopping just above your jaw.

It had lightened over the years, but was still a pale pink, marked over raised and uneven skin. It was gruesome, to be sure. You hated it in the months that followed after the accident.

It took Robb a while to be able to look at you again. You felt shame in your heart when you’d see him turn his head.

Sansa tried to help you cover it up. But it was to no avail. Makeup couldn’t cover it, and eventually, you stopped trying. You grew to accept it, finally. By the time you reached maturity, it didn’t pain you nearly as much to look at it.

Occasionally, some of the boys in the courtyard would laugh when they saw you, pointing and giggling.

That hurt.

There was no denying that. But you learned to put on a brave face, not letting anyone’s words or stares affect you. You learned to be alone, needing nobody but yourself.

Aside from the scar, you were still a lovely girl. You were still close to the Stark children, and they treated you normally. Robb eventually stopped turning away from you, starting to smile again when he saw you.

Over the years, it was hardly even a problem for you anymore. It didn’t bother you again, until this evening.

On the eve of Robb’s nameday, a celebration was held in his honor.

Everyone dressed in their finest clothes, flocking to the banquet hall. A feast was first, where Lord Stark toasted his son.

After, as the festivities continued, people flocked to the dance floor. You weren’t one for dancing, never enjoying being the center of attention, especially after the accident. But you did enjoy being with your friends, so you stuck to the outskirts of the crowd.

Sansa stayed with you for a while, before being whisked away by her friends. That sucked away all the fun you were having.

You looked around the room, deciding that you had quite enough partying for the evening. You went to leave and look for Jon, who had already left the banquet hall, when something caught your eye.

Or rather, someone.

Robb was in the center of the dance floor, a girl on his arm. His smile was bright, enough so that you could see it from all the way across the room. She giggled at something he said, covering her mouth with her hand coyly. It was the Lady Jeyne from a neighboring castle, the eldest daughter of a Lord and bannerman to the Starks.

You felt your heart crumble at the sight.

You didn’t know why. You had already accepted the fact that it was likely you’d spend your life alone, or married off to some Lord who cared more about your dowry than the scar on your face.

You knew you didn’t have a chance with Robb. He was the heir to Winterfell, the next Lord Stark. He’d never look at you as anything more than a friend.

But if that was true, why did it hurt so bad to accept?

Feeling your eyes well with tears, you quickly hurried out of the banquet hall, trying your best to make sure nobody noticed your exit. You headed for the training yard, knowing it would be empty.

You angrily wiped your tears as you picked up a bow, nocking an arrow and pointing it towards the straw target at the opposite end of the yard. You took a deep breath, sending the arrow flying.

It must have been an hour out there in the cold. You could see your breath as you focused on the target, letting arrows fly one after the other. You grew more tired by the minute, but you refused to give up, going to retrieve all the hours you had shot.

As you collected them, you heard someone clear their throat, and you turned around startled, raising your bow.

“It’s just me,” Robb said, raising his hands in surrender.

You put the bow down, narrowing your eyes. “You’re missing your party, My Lord. You should go back.”

“Should I?” He asked, furrowing his brows. “Why would I do that? You’re out here. Can’t I spend my name day with you?”

“Your name day is tomorrow. You can spend it however you please, then. For now, you can return back to your companion. Jeyne, wasn’t it? I’m sure she’s missing you.”

Robb frowned, stepping closer to you. “Jeyne? I don’t want to spend my evening with her. I’m sure she’s found someone to occupy her time by now. Why are you out here, don’t you have someone to be with?”

You scoffed, further closing the gap between you both. “Like who, Robb? Sansa left with her friends, and I couldn’t find Jon. Who else is there?”

“I heard the blacksmith’s boy has taken an interest in you. Why not him?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you said, sighing. “You know he has no interest in me.”

Robb shook his head in confusion. “Why wouldn’t he? You’re lovely, he’d be lucky to gain your affections.”

“You know why,” you muttered, turning your face from him.

You felt shame creep into your chest, trying to fight the embarrassed flush that tinted your cheeks. Not enjoying your silence, Robb laid a hand on your shoulder to turn you back to him.

“Know why? I don’t understand what you’re talking about. What’s going on, what happened?”

You couldn’t tell if he was feigning ignorance, or if he really was that oblivious. You fought the tears that welled up in your eyes, angrily clenching your fist. Your voice was thick with emotion, your tone harsh.

“Just go, Robb. Enjoy your party.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on,” he said, determined.

You groaned, finally relenting. “I’m jealous, alright? I’m jealous.”

“Of what? Of Jeyne? Why would you ever be jealous of her?”

Is he that clueless, you thought to yourself. Surely he’d have figured it out by now, bound to have caught you drooling over him at some point. You just thought he chose not to see it, so he wouldn’t have to acknowledge it.

“Because she’s beautiful! She’s beautiful, and her face is flawless. No nasty scar marking half of her face that’s unbearable to look at. Maybe you’d look at me more if I looked more like her.”

He grew angry, his tone firm. “Y/N, don’t say that. You know that’s not true. You’re not hard to look at.”

You scoffed. “Don’t lie. I know how you felt. You’d turn your head every time you saw me in the months after. You couldn’t even look at me.”

“Is that what you think?” He asked, sounding hurt. “That couldn’t be less true.”

You were unsure now, but still angry, and you pressed the matter further. “Really? That’s what it seemed like to me. Couldn’t even get you to talk to me without flinching most of the time.”

Robb visibly bristled, taking a step back like your words had scalded him. He was quiet for a moment, taking deep breaths. Finally, his eyes met yours.

“You’re wrong.”

“What?” You asked, shaking your head.

“You’re wrong,” he reaffirmed. “I couldn’t stand to look at you, because every time I saw your scar, I was reminded that I did nothing to stop it.”

You felt like your breath had been knocked out of you as he spoke, you could tell that he was growing angrier by the second. He moved to stand right in front of you, eyes narrowed.

“When you were knocked from your horse, and you hit the ground…I thought you were dead. I thought they killed you, right in front of me. And every time I looked at you in the weeks after, I was reminded of how absolutely useless I felt. There’s nothing I could’ve done to help, I know that. But that didn’t make me feel any less bad about it.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Robb. You know that,” you said, suddenly feeling like your feet were planted to the floor. You couldn’t get yourself to move.

Robb noticed.

“Why are you out here? Are you really that jealous over Jeyne?”

You sighed, shaking your head. “I don’t know. Maybe. Go ahead, you can laugh, I can take it. I know you think it’s ridiculous I’d ever feel this way about you.”

“I’m not laughing.”

You glanced up at him to meet his eyes. Your voice was quiet. “Why are you out here? Why aren’t you with her right now, it’s your name say celebration. You should go enjoy it.”

“I’m not enjoying anything while you’re out here alone. Why aren’t you with someone, like the blacksmith’s boy? I’m sure he’s a better way to spend your time than out here in the cold.”

You could hear the annoyance in his tone, perplexed by it. You took a step closer to him, not taking your eyes off of his.

“Is that jealousy I’m detecting? Say whatever it is you’re not saying, Robb, I’m not interested in dancing around this conversation anymore.”

Robb’s eyes softened on you. You suddenly realized how close you were, moving to take a step back, but he grabbed your wrist, not letting you go.

“Have you always been this fiery?”

“What?” You asked, your voice barely a whisper.

“I know you can hold your own, I’ve seen you do it plenty of times. But there’s this fire to you I think I’m seeing for the first time. Has it always been there?”

You shook your head in confusion. You were burning under his stare, yet unable to look away. It was like he was seeing you in a whole new light, one he had never noticed before.

“I don’t understand—“

“To answer your question, no. No, I don’t want to be in there with Jeyne. I’d much rather be out here with you. It seems I’ve been a fool, taking so long to realize that.”

Your lips parted in shock, and he smiled, cupping your jaw.

“I’m not making a fool of myself, am I? You’re not going to leave me for the blacksmith’s boy are you?”

You let out a laugh, one that widened his grin. “No, you idiot. I don’t even know his name, and I can promise you he wasn’t looking at me in any way you’d have to worry about.”

“Then he’s the fool,” Robb said, his tone firm. “You’re beautiful.”

“Stop—“ You said, blushing, but he cut you off.

“I don’t think so, My Lady. Someone has to tell you, since you see it fit to deny it. We’ll have to do something about that.”

He ran a light finger down the length of your scar, ghosting over the skin. You held your breath, and he grinned, cupping your face in his palms. His heart was beating a million miles a minute, and he felt like his stomach was doing flips.

The feeling was mutual.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N.”

You smiled. “You’re an idiot, Robb.”

His grin widened as he boasted. “That may be. But it seems I’ve won you over anyways. I must be doing something right.”

“Gods, you’re so lucky I love you. Pride isn’t a good look on you.”

“Everything is a good look on me, darling,” he said, pulling you into his arms. “Seeing as I love you, too, you’re unfortunately stuck with me.”

You settled into his arms, holding him tight. Your smile was impossible to hide as you grinned into his chest.

“Unfortunately.”

—

A/N - Hi! Sorry this is a little short. I don’t love the outcome, but I wanted to get it out to you anyways. I hope you enjoyed it, let me know what you thought!

#game of thrones imagine #game of thrones x reader #game of thrones #robb stark #robb stark x reader #robb stark imagine

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cellsshapedlikestars · 2 months

Note

"Ryan finally had a girlfriend that actually thought about him!!“ yes absolutely! I didn’t *hate* Marissa but I really disliked the Marissa/Ryan ship, they weren’t right together. Never even thought about it but it makes so much sense that you come from a The OC background.

The way you write modern Jon reminds me so much of Ryan (LOVE IT). So interesting that you tried to rework one of your existing fics into a Jonsa fic. I would honestly love a fic with some OC vibes. The only The OC Jonsa fic I’ve read was one where Sansa was put into Marissa‘s role and it did NOT fit. Thinking about it, Sandy and Kirsten Cohen definitely give off Ned and Cat vibes!

Also Happy Birthday!

I used to hate Marissa a lot, but I was younger then (it didn't help that the other people in my fandom vitriolically hated her lol). I can look back now and realize that Marissa was, unfortunately, the writer's favorite toy to create new drama, at the expense of her character.

And unlike almost every other character, she just wasn't fun for me (I will say, Seth sometimes bordered on too much for me, but usually he was fine). Like did Julie do terrible things? Sure, but oh boy when she showed up in a scene, I knew it would be a good time. I would rather watch her than Marissa any day of the week. Marissa would just suck the energy out of everything for me. But maybe that's a product of my old fandom, and I'd feel differently watching it now. I haven't rewatched in ages, tbh.

And I will say, I liked Marissa at the end of season 3! Because they were just wrapping up her character so she wasn't starting shit and she was actually just fun like she should've been the entire time. And they acknowledge that she & Ryan were toxic together, and better off as long distance friends. So when the time comes for her death, I'm actually sad!

I tried not to be too mean to Marissa in my fics... towards the end. Though I did write a one shot about her murdering Ryan lmaoooo. That's strictly on my livejournal... I think it's still there?

As for a Jonsa OC fic.... I've had one half written basically since I started writing fic again.

Ryan - Jon Trey - Aegon Sandy - Ned Kirsten - Cat Seth - Arya?

But there's where it sort of fails, because who is Sansa? Is SHE Seth? Where does she come in, unless I make her not related to the Cohen/Stark family. Or do I get rid of Kirsten/Cat, make her married to Jimmy/some other dude, and have Sansa as her daughter with Arya as Ned's?

Omg this got so long, but I'll include what I have written below the cut, which is literally just the opening scene, so don't get too excited lol.

The OC AU

They approach the car like it's prey, ducked down, creeping.

“I'm your big brother. If I don't teach you this, who will?" With that, Egg smashes out the window, the sound loud and echoing in the quiet alley. He opens the door and gets in, but Jon hesitates, looks over his shoulder towards the main road.

"Quit being a little bitch. Get in!"

And so Jon does, because he always does what Egg says. Just as he's about to get in the passenger side, it happens – a cop car rolls by on the main street, and Jon's heart lurches in his chest, but it passes.

And then it backs up.

“Come on!” Egg shouts, laughing and reckless. “Let's go, Jon!”

Jon slides into the passenger side and slams the door shut behind him, heart racing a mile a minute as Egg hotwires the car and gets it started, as the police cruiser turns down the alley.

And then they're off.

Down the street and out into the open, Egg pushing the throttle as hard as it can go, even on the small streets of Wintertown. Jon sits with one hand gripping the door handle, the other braced out in front of him on the dash.

“You should see your face, man,” Egg laughs, mouth wide, teeth glinting in the streetlights – sharp and dangerous. That same, reckless laughter Jon remembers from their father.

Sirens wail behind them and Jon knows this is it. This is where he finally dies, this is where everything catches up with him. At an intersection, Egg runs a red light, has to swerve to avoid an oncoming car.

“No, no, no, no,” Jon chants, shutting his eyes and bracing for impact. He doesn't know what they hit, just that he's thrown forward, the airbag slamming into his chest, the sound of crunching metal and squealing tires and sirens.

He feels groggy and weak as his eyes open, bright lights flashing and making him wince.

"Hands up! Get them up!" someone shouts. The police. "Hands on the dash where I can see them!"

For just a moment, Jon thinks about running. Pushing open the door, leaving Egg, and going as fast as his legs will take him. But his chest aches and his lungs burn and his head is spinning and so instead, he puts his hands up.

#cellsshapedlikeasks #jonsa oc fic #lmao #what a tag

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princeescaluswords · 1 year

Text

And now for something a little different ...

I was thinking about my favorite shows, and I noticed a particular trope that connects them. I want to talk about it, because I think it's interesting, though I might be the only one. However, if you believe Game of Thrones was nothing but a misogynistic dudebro power fantasy and/or you think that Teen Wolf was nothing but shirtless young men and dub step, there is nothing in this post for you. To be fair, I have reservations about the writing of both shows, especially in the later seasons, but I also think a lot of the writing was deliberate, considered and worth examining.

I want to talk about The Good Man. (I use the male noun because I seldom, if ever, see this applied to female characters. That's another meta entirely.)

Eddard Stark is presented in the show as a good person. He is respected by his family, his peers, his vassals, and even his enemies. While he does make some serious mistakes (things would have gone differently if he had decided to investigate the deserter's claims in the first episode rather than simply dismissing them in a rush to execution), few viewers have claimed that good people must be without flaw. He has principles to which he is devoted, such as loyalty to his country and personal responsibility for those with power, e.g. "He who passes the sentence should swing the sword." He has compassion even for individuals like Joffrey.

Scott McCall is presented in his show as a good person. He is respected by his family, his peer, and even his enemies. While he does make some serious mistakes (things would have gone differently if he had refused to go with Stiles during Wolf Moon), few viewers have claimed that good people must be without flaw. He has principles to which he is devoted, such as the right for everyone to have a life and personal responsibility for those with power, e.g. "And you know this thing's gonna get out of control. That makes me responsible." He has compassion even for individuals like Peter Hale.

So why does Ned Stark die and Scott McCall survive? Of course, they appear in different stories existing in different genres, and Westeros is a little more brutal than twenty-first century Northern California, but I propose that there is a specific test that both narratives make of their Good Men, which Ned fails and Scott passes.

In Game of Thrones, this test occurs in The Kingsroad (1x02) and in Teen Wolf, this test occurs in Abomination (2x04).

We don't get to see Robert's Rebellion in the show, but we do get to hear a lot about it. Robert rides all the way to Winterfell because he is absolutely sure that the one person he can trust to help him hold his kingdom together is Ned. Ned doesn't want to leave Winterfell, but he is torn by his sense of responsibility to the kingdom and his personal loyalty to Robert. It's the suspicion of Jon Arryn's murder that pushes Ned into taking the position of Hand. Ned will discover the truth and if it is, bring the murdered to the King's Justice.

By the end of The Kingsroad, Ned should understand that there is no King's Justice, not anymore. The marriage between Robert and Cersei is a sham, Cersei is vindictive and cruel, Joffery a spoiled brat, but, most importantly, Robert is not the same friend he was twenty years ago. The death of Lady is an injustice, agreed to by Robert simply to buy himself some peace and quiet. The death of Micah is a greater injustice, one that doesn't even have a degree of dignity of being the result of a direct order. The Hound cut the butcher's boy down like he was chopping wood.

But Ned does nothing with this new knowledge. He sees the corruption and clings to his principles -- his responsibility to the realm and his personal loyalty -- that stand opposed to it, while not adjusting his behavior or expectations accordingly. This is the first time, but it's not the last: the realm's financial status, the useless tournament, the sending of assassins against Daenerys, Robert's gross behavior, etc. He will keep believing that the realm is worth defending as if it were twenty years ago and that his friend is still the same regardless of any experience to the contrary, and Ned will die for his refusal to change.

Note, I don't blame Ned for being tricked by Littlefinger, a childhood friend of his wife's, because I don't blame people for being deceived by liars, but there was plenty of evidence from which Ned could have learned he had to alter how he manifested his principles.

Which is why Scott survived and Ned didn't. Up until the end of Abomination, Scott keeps trying to work with Derek while maintaining his principles, which includes independence and saving lives. Yet, even after Stiles heroically held a paralyzed Derek in a pool for hours, even after Scott arrived and drove away the kanima, Derek demonstrates he is still deeply mistrustful of everyone (including himself), Derek demonstrates that lethal force is his go-to strategy ("When I find it, I'm going to kill it"), and that he is blinded by his hatred for the Argents. Note: I don't think there's anything wrong with Derek hating the Argents but there is a problem when he won't look past that anger for the greater good. If Derek had been willing to work with the Argents, it might have scuttled Gerard's plans. Then, Scott gets up close and personal with Gerard, which is painful and scary, but it does gives Scott something he can use against Gerard.

And here is the point: he doesn't share this with Derek, when he's tried to work with Derek in the past. Instead, he pretends to work with Gerard by infiltrating Derek's pack in order to be in a position where he can use the cancer against Gerard. Scott's principles still remains; he wants to resolve the conflict with as little death as possible. However, he changes how that principle manifests in his actions when it is clear that his previous method -- working openly and honestly with Derek -- not only isn't working, but it can't work.

To summarize, principles, the hallmarks of the Good Man, only work if they are used to guide the good person's reactions to the situation at hand. They don't work if they determine the good person's reactions. Ned's principles were set twenty years ago and remained static. Scott was willing to change how he achieved his desired result if his previous attempts weren't working. (As a digression, this is a rebuttal of Peter's insincere "shades of gray" criticism of Scott.) The comparison isn't flawless by any means, but I do think it's enlightening.

#scott mccall #eddard stark #teen wolf meta #game of thrones meta #scott mccall defense squad

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airplanned · 11 months

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What’s the story behind your usernames? I know your name is Ned (hence AirplaNed) but why just Airplane on fanfic net? Or socksock on Ao3? :)

My junior high English teacher did not like me or my writing or my dyslexia, and said that I "airplaned" around the point, circling and circling and never getting there. Airplane as my user name is reclaiming that. And if you make it a verb and put a D on the end, it has my name in it and that's cool.

There was this time ten + years ago when I would favorite or subscribe to a story on ff.net, and people would screen cap it and post it on tumblr, and it made me super uncomfortable. So I made a AO3 sock account just for reading and favoriting stories. (Recently, people have rediscovered doing this, as if it is a new thing, like the New York Times account.) I called it socksock because it was a sock account. When I started posting on AO3, a lot of time had past and I didn't care anymore and didn't want to make a new account, so I just started using it to post.

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lindsayribar · 9 months

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Much has been made of the "I had a dream about you last night" scene in 2x02. Specifically the thing where Ed very likely intended for Izzy to shoot Ed, then himself -- and when Izzy wouldn't shoot Ed, Ed left the gun with him. When Izzy's gunshot rang out, correctly indicating that he'd tried to shoot himself, Ed was unsurprised. It wasn't the whole plan, but it was part of it.

Much has also been made of the unique cruelty of this: of Ed giving Izzy a loaded weapon, knowing how he would probably use it. I don't disagree. In fact, I think the only thing in this show that can possibly parallel the up-close-and-personal under-the-skin cruelty of that moment is in 1x10, when Izzy says "I should have let the English kill you" and tells Ed that what he's become is "a fate worse than death." These guys know how to get at each other in ways that no one else can even dream of. It's why most of my favorite Ed/Izzy or Ed&Izzy fic contains the "two men who make each other worse" tag. Ed's cruelty to Izzy is physical. Izzy's cruelty to Ed is emotional. They're both masterfully manipulative, and both kinds of manipulation work. It's such fucking good writing.

I'm rewatching 2x02 today, though, and something new occurred to me about that gun scene. In those first two episodes of season 2, we see Ed setting up three possible ways to kill himself:

Break Ned Low's raid record, thereby getting Ned's attention; Ned will probably try to kill him, and Ed will probably let him

Give Izzy a thousand reasons to hate him, then hand him a gun; Izzy can do Ed's dirty work for him

Sail the ship directly into a storm, remove the wheel, and hope for the worst

He's presumably accomplished the raid-record goal by this time, since we don't see any more raids between that scene and Ned coming after him. I'd also bet real money that, by the time Ed walked down those stairs with gun in hand, he already knew where that failsafe storm was, and how much time it would take to sail there. In Ed's mind, however this ends, he's going to die, and it's almost inevitable the crew will die with him. Izzy included.

By giving Izzy a gun (and, by extension, some agency), Ed is giving Izzy the opportunity to end things on his own terms. Izzy won't have to wait for the storm to kill him, or for Ned to torture him to death if that's what happens first. He can decide his own fate; Ed knows that Izzy, unlike himself, probably isn't "too scared" to try to do it himself.

And, look, I'm not calling this kindness or anything. It's still cruel. Every single thing Ed and Izzy did to each other from 1x09 through 2x02 was cruel. But it does, from a certain point of view, feel a little bit like mercy.

#cw suicide #ofmd #our flag means death #meta #izzy hands #edward teach #blackbeard #izzy hands is a card carrying member of the leopards eating people's faces party #ed's suicidal ideation combined with his unwillingness die by his own hand is endlessly fascinating to me #they are both the most character #and i love them

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mrjoeiconis-blog · 2 years

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From the Archive: BE MORE CHILL TRACK BY TRACK May 16, 2018: Hey, hi, hello. My name is Joe Iconis. I’m a writer and performer and, most notably, the person to blame for the music and lyrics of Be More Chill. I wrote the show, a musical adaptation of Ned Vizzini’s novel, with Joe Tracz and it premiered in a production at Two River Theater in New Jersey in 2015. A cast album was made and was enjoyed by the amount of people you’d expect to enjoy a cast album of a musical that played for six weeks in New Jersey. Then suddenly and without warning, after two years of release, people, in particular young people, discovered the show and became obsessed. One hundred million streams of our cast album later, the show made its Off-Broadway debut in summer 2018 at the Pershing Square Signature Center on 42nd Street, before transferring to Broadway!

Before we launch into the madness of a track by track breakdown of the Be More Chill OCR, let’s talk about the Be More Chill score itself, shall we?

The first thing that excited me about adapting Ned Vizzini’s gorgeous book into a musical was the opportunity to write about the issues teenagers face through a sci-fi lens. I’ve written plenty of teens before. I love that they wear their emotions on their sleeve but don’t always have the vocabulary to properly articulate those emotions. But here was an opportunity to not only delve into the minds of young people, but to tap into some of my favorite genre influences: monster movies of the 1950’s, Sci-Fi/Horror flicks of the 70’s and 80’s, and Teen Comedies of the 80’s and 90’s. In short: John Hughes (Sixteen Candles, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) meets John Carpenter (Halloween, The Thing.)

Be More Chill is a classic musical comedy in disguise. It reeks of technology and is filthy with moderns sounds, problems, references, etc. But make no mistake about it: The show is as traditional as they come. Well, sort of.

The songs themselves are total showtunes; it’s the orchestrations that place us firmly in the genre world.

As I’d write the tunes on piano, I’d dream about what they’d sound like when given the full 80’s sci-fi treatment, and Charlie Rosen’s orchestrations satisfied my darkest, quirkiest musical fantasies. We worked closely on the specific sounds of this score. Our holy grail (especially when it came to underscore) was John Carpenter film scores. John Carpenter has directed countless horror classics, but he’s also famous for writing his own film scores. He was an electronic music pioneer and his work is immediately recognizable.

Other sonic influences included Oingo Boingo, Bernard Herrmann, Weezer, Tangerine Dream, The Offspring, and contemporary musicians with a retro flair like Sky Ferreira, Kavinsky, and Johnny Jewel.

“Jeremy’s Theme” Written at Joe’s 16th Street Apartment 2012/Two River Theater Library, during rehearsals 2015 I’ve always thought of this as the music that would accompany the production logos in a horror movie. The “American International Pictures presents… A Roger Corman picture…” cards. It immediately places the audience in an unsettled place. Something bad is going to happen and that bad thing is going to be otherworldly.

We’re actually cramming a lot of information into 30 seconds. Up top you’re getting the beep-bop-boop of computer circuitry. It’s the technological equivalent of a scary thunder storm in a creature feature. Next, our first synth line arrives. Hello, synth. Nice to meet you. Won’t you please overstay your welcome for the next two and a half hours? I drove Charlie slightly crazy in regards to the specificity of keyboard sounds I was looking for as I desperately wanted to be faithful to the Carpenter/Alan Howarth collaborations that inspired much of the score.

The track culminates with The Squip theme, played gloriously on Theremin by Danny Jonokuchi. The Theremin is a vintage electronic instrument played by the Thereminist moving his hands through the air to control pitch and volume. That instrument was used most often in 1950s sci-fi movies like The Day The Earth Stood Still, usually to accompany the visual of an alien presence.

We’re one of the only musicals to ever use a Theremin in its orchestration. Be More Chill is a show about kids obsessed with all things outdated and unloved and the show itself is obsessed with all things outdated and unloved! How very! (Heathers reference.)

“More Than Survive” Written in Joe’s 16th Street Apartment, 2012 After our eerie mini-overture, the audience expects to be confronted by a demon or a triffid or worse. Instead, we jump cut to the shockingly mundane sight of an average high school kid staring at his computer in his undies. I’m proud that the first event in the musical is our leading man being caught with his pants down. It establishes Jeremy us a decidedly unheroic hero and also kick-starts a theme of pantlessness that continues throughout the entire show.

The “C-c-c-c’mon” motif was one I came up with early on in writing the song. I wanted a repeated phrase that expressed the frustration of wanting things to move at an accelerated speed, and one that could also sound like the chorus of a pop song. I love immediately subverting the expectation of what Jeremy’s waiting for to load—“Is it a major homework assignment? A college application?” Nope, it’s porn! That moment establishes the spirit of Be More Chill right off the bat. It also makes for awkward car rides when kids listen to the album in the car with their parents. Sorry, not sorry.

In the actual show there are even more mini-scenes between Jeremy and the people in his life. I wanted this whole opening to feel cinematic and sweeping and place Jeremy in the center of a world that is swirling around him. Kind of like the “Head Over Heels” sequence in Donnie Darko.

The first person who connects with Jeremy enough to actually earn sung musical material is Michael. Michael brings his own music with him because he’s confident and, quite literally, marches to the beat of his own drummer.

Will Connolly’s voice just kills me on the album. He sounds like the love child of Michael Jackson and Billie Jo Armstrong.

Notice the little synth line underneath the lockers scene with Chloe, Brooke, and Jenna. It’s a quote of “Rich Set a Fire.” The little synth line underneath the first part of Michael’s scene? “Michael in the Bathroom.” The guitar line in the second part? “The Pants Song.” That audience has subconsciously heard so many melodies from the show before the first number is even over! Underscore is sneaky.

It should be noted that “More Than Survive” was the first song I wrote for the show. After sending it to Joe Tracz, I sent it to Jennifer Ashley Tepper, who is now one of our producers of Be More ChillOff-Broadway. She wrote back:

“I tried to listen to the Be More Chill song, got 60 seconds in, and got furious at everyone for all of the noise/ questions/ distractions at work... so I'm gonna go download these on my phone and sit outside or hide in the bathroom to listen. BRB!!!”

Hiding in the bathroom. That’s so Be More Chill.

“I Love Play Rehearsal” Written in Joe’s 47th Street Apartment, 2013 After hearing so much about her in the opening, this is the first time we actually get to hear from Christine herself. Charlie and I wanted her song to sound different from the angular computerized vibe of the rest of the score. Enter recorders!

Everyone associates recorders with elementary school music class and/or Renaissance fairs. That felt correct for Christine, who is warm, strange, confident, free-spirited, and literally dresses like an authentic Renaissance Princess at the Halloween Party in Act II! So much of Stephanie Hsu’s performance informed the song itself—she’s a brilliant actor and a soulful singer and it’s impossible to not conjure up images of her live performance when listening to her on the album.

The placement of this song moved around a whole bunch during our writing process and the eureka moment was realizing that the song’s not literally about play rehearsal. It’s a song about passion and freedom. It’s not the typical way to be introduced to a leading lady in a musical, which makes it perfect for Christine and for Be More Chill, in general.

The original second song in the show was an internal duet for Jeremy and Christine called “Touching My Hand.” It was about Jeremy pining for Christine and Christine wondering if she should go on a date with Jake. There was some nice character material for Jeremy, but it gave us information we already knew and it made the show feel like some cute romantic comedy. It also felt antithetical to the character to have Christine’s first real song moment be about a guy. That’s not her and we needed to respect that.

Note that the original full title of this song was “Why I Love Play Rehearsal By Christine Canigula,” which is very fussy and precious and I loved it but it’s too cumbersome and I knew that someone would inevitably make me change it so I just did it myself. (RIP Fussy, Too-Long Title That Joe Loved.)

“The Squip Song” Written at Joe’s 16th Street Apartment, 2012 It begins as a retro-sounding “cool kid in a ’90s movie” rock song (with some Oingo Boingo horns added in for good measure) and then turns full blown sci-fi/horror fantasia. And it all goes down in a bathroom. There are a lot of bathrooms in this musical.

This song is the first time we hear the “It’s From Japan…” refrain, which repeats ten million times over the course of the show. Gerard Canonico is a powerhouse of the highest order and he turned this song from a serviceable musicalized scene into a show stopper. The optional octave up jump on the second “It’s From Japan” is all Canonico’s doing. We had to add the big ending (including a toilet flush on the final button) just because it was so clear people wanted to clap after Gerard finished doing his thing.

Props to Josh Plotner on the vocoder, yet another retro instrument that’s rarely used in theater orchestration. It’s what makes the weird digitized voice sound. People usually think that it’s a mic effect but it’s all done live! Old school, baby.

For those who care: Gerard’s pronunciation of the word “correctly” is a nod to The Shining’s scary bathroom encounter between Jack Torrence and Delbert Grady.

“Two-Player Game” Written at Joe’s 47th Street Apartment, 2013/Rewritten during rehearsals at Ripley Grier Studios, 2015 I enjoy writing songs where characters have to work through some major personal issue while doing an unrelated task. (Ahem, “The Answer.” Ahem, “Ammonia.”)

Here, the boys talk about self-worth and the desire to be somebody else while playing a video game. Of course, the video game is actually telegraphing the journey they are about to go on but to Michael and Jeremy it’s just another nothing-special hang sesh. When I wrote that little 8-Bit “Apocalypse of the Damned” theme that threads through the song, I was inspired by being a kid and plunking out the melodies to grandiose John Williams orchestral scores on my Casio.

The original version of this song was titled “Level Up” and it did a lot of what “Two-Player Game” does, just not as well. It also sounded exactly like a particular song by The Clash and once I realized how similar the two songs were, “Level Up”s days were numbered.

It should be noted that I am the world’s biggest stickler when it comes to rhyme. I’m super old-school in that I believe things either rhyme or they don’t; none of that “half rhyme” garbage. I think rhyme makes theatre songs easier to understand and actually heightens the dramatic intention of the lyric. Disgustingly, “Two-Player Game” contains an accidental fake rhyme. By the time I realized, it was too late to change the rhyme. Every time I hear it, I cringe, and you can pay me a million dollars but I won’t tell you what it is.

“The Squip Enters” The grand entrance of our antagonist: The Squip. It was important to our radiantly talented director Stephen Brackett that The Squip’s entrance feel larger than life. His staging of the moment was dazzling, and I needed to write a cue that rose to that occasion. The Squip enters to music that is tastelessly huge, appropriately so.

It should be noted that I wrote The Squip with Eric William Morris in mind and I’m so glad his iconic performance of the role is preserved forever and ever on the album.

“Be More Chill – Part 1” Written in Joe’s 47th Street Apartment, 2013 I had a lot of trouble figuring out the musical style of The Squip. First I went down a computer-y road, but that felt too in line with the sound of the rest of the show. Then I tried a sort of 1950’s Dick Dale Surf Rock take. (Mike Rosengarten’s nasty, relentless guitar line is a remnant of that version of the song.)

Eventually, I settled into what currently exists. There’s a timeless cool, laid-back quality to The Squip’s music. It’s approachable and sexy but never too scary or affronting. This is seduction music. The moments where the vocoder is adding the spooky digitized element the melody line (“don’t freak out and don’t resist…”) is where The Squip’s true colors are peeking through the façade just a little bit. By the time we get to “The Play” he’s given up on trying to seduce and is just trying to conquer, so his music sounds different.

The whole “Be More Chill” section is really just a classic “make-over montage” sequence (it’s even set at The Mall!) so I took some musical inspiration from make-over and training sequences as well. Think Karate Kid, Dirty Dancing, The Breakfast Club.

A lot of people are bothered by the harshness of the “everything about you makes me want to die” line. To me, that’s the whole point of the show. The tone may be comedic, but the characters in Be More Chill are actual teenagers struggling with actual problems. I don’t think being depressed or suicidal is a laughing matter, but I do think sometimes people feel like there is a voice inside their head telling them to hurt themselves. It would be insulting and untruthful to pretend that a kid like Jeremy wasn’t struggling with these thoughts.

The humor, the fantasy, and the harsh reality co-exist in every moment of the show. And, in my experience, in every moment in life. It’s about learning how to deal with it and knowing which of the many voices in your head you’re supposed to listen to. But we’re not at that particular song yet.

“Do You Wanna Ride?” Written in [memory temporarily scrambled] I have no memory of writing this mini-song, it just happened. It didn’t exist and then it did. Look, I made a spicy song about stopping for frozen yogurt where there never was a spicy song about stopping for frozen yogurt.

Lauren Marcus’s interpretation is a gift from the theatre gods and is a testimony to her brilliance as an actor, singer, comedian and all-around magic person. The yodel, the riff at the end, all Marcus. She’s the Goldie Hawn of musical theater.

“Be More Chill – Part 2” When I stumbled upon the idea of the “Everything about you is going to be wonderful” section, that’s when the song really clicked for me. After being berated for all the things he isn’t, Jeremy finally gets teased with the promise of unadulterated love and adoration. It’s the false promise of spam emails about penis enlargement pills or the aspirational Instagram accounts of the Kardashians. The idea of: “If you just do This, everything will be Perfect.” The musical equivalent of “Make America Great Again.” Cheerful, optimistic, secretly sinister. The writing and performance make me think that it’s a theme song for an awful 1980s sitcom that never existed in the first place. “Everybody Loves Squips!” maybe.

Props to Dan McMillan for aggressively hitting that gong at the end for a big finish.

“More Than Survive” (Reprise) Restart! The show essentially begins again and we fast forward through another day at school, this time with notes and instructions from Mr. Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor himself.

The chorus goes into a reggae feel for a few measures at one point. The idea there is that sometimes things are the same but feel a little different and you can’t quite put your finger on why. The familiar feels unsettling. Reggae is a style of music associated with Michael, so I like thinking that maybe Jeremy has Michael on his mind in that one instant before Squip wipes the slate clean.

“A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into” Written in Ripley-Grier Studios 2015, during rehearsal This was the last song I wrote for the show. I wrote it very quickly on a rehearsal break after not being able to nail this moment for years. I love that Christine gets this unexpected jangly little rock song as her second big number.

Have you ever noticed how the female lead in musicals is often saddled with the most drag-ass songs? Part of my mission in musical theater is to never subject my female lead to an unmotivated obligatory ballad.

It should be noted that Christine ends both this tune and “I Love Play Rehearsal” with an unexpected non-rhyme. Christine is a character who subverts our expectations of her at every turn. Gosh, I like her.

“The Squip Lurks” I’m eternally grateful we got to include this taste of underscore on the album. I’ve heard rumors that this plays in theme parks during the Halloween season. That’s the highest honor I could ever receive.

The track name is a reference to “The Shape Lurks” cue from the Halloween soundtrack. And, yes, “Jeremy’s Theme” is also a nod to “Laurie’s Theme.”

“Upgrade” Written at a Two River Theater writing retreat, 2014 // Re-written at Ripley Grier Studios 2015, during rehearsal

The line “this is my favorite place behind the school” is one of Joe Tracz’s great creations, delivered incomparably by Ms. Marcus. I don’t know why I find it so funny but I laugh every time I hear it. I think it reveals so much about Brooke.

The notes of “Upgrade-upgrade-upgrade” in the first part of the song are the same notes as the pattern that begins “More Than Survive.” They are just a little scrambled up. The melody of “I already know what it’s like to be the loser” is the “Apocalypse of the Damned” theme song melody.

This song is notable as the first time the character of Jake sings in the show. Poor Jakey D. This is the only musical in history where the classically good-looking Prince Charming-type gets the least amount to sing. I still like the guy, though. It’s another testament to the brilliant Joe Tracz that a character like Jake, who could’ve been a one-dimensional asshole jock, is actually a kind, well-meaning popular kid. Dude can’t help that he’s pretty! Jake Boyd’s vocals are so sensitive and approachable and kind of remind me of Mr. Peanut Butter from Bojack Horseman.

The final chorus of the song is the same melody but we lose the swing and make it more of a driving rock. Damn. Things got not cute quick.

This song used to end with a long minor version of the “Na Na Na” theme from “More Than Survive.” It was very musically exciting and too long and did nothing to service the story and was cut.

“Halloween” Written at a Two River Theater writing retreat 2014 The Halloween Party is a mammoth sequence that begins Act II and I knew it needed its own theme song. I wanted to write a chorus that sounded like what it feels like to be shoved around in loud, hot, crowded room. The sort of song that would send anyone with social anxiety into a full-blown panic attack.

The Suburban Halloween Party is such a hallmark of the movies myself and my collaborators were inspired by and we endeavored to do those films justice and make the greatest Halloween party blowout sequence in musical theater history. Please note that when we wrote the show, there weren’t actually any other musicals with Halloween Party blowout sequences, so just by existing, we were automatically the greatest. Now we’ve got some competition. How fetch! (Mean Girlsreference.)

There’s an element of group awareness in the “Halloween” lyric. “Cuz a Halloween party’s a rad excuse to put your body through mad abuse.” That’s because we’re experiencing the party through Jeremy. This is his first big social event and as much as he’s trying to be part of it, he’s still on the outside. He’s got a detachment that allows for a bit of perspective.

The dance break was arranged by Broadway legend Rob Berman! He based the melody line on a part of “Halloween” that was subsequently cut. It’s the “who’s got the peach Schnapps?!” section. I often add it back in when I perform the song in concert.

Props to Amanda Ruzza’s propulsive bass line! Crank it up, crank it up!

“Do You Wanna Hang?” “Do You Wanna Ride?” strikes back! With new lyrics relating to Chloe’s Sexy Baby costume! Katie Carlson is yet another four-leaf clover in our incredible cast of musical theater misfits. Chloe is hilarious and monstrous without ever being a cartoon. She’s trying her best, just like everyone else, she just has… questionable taste. I’m so enamored with the way Katie does the final “Do you wanna stop?!” chorus. I think in that moment Chloe is trying so hard to be Britney Spears circa 1998. Which would almost work if she wasn’t literally dressed as an infant. There’s something charming and a little sad and completely hilarious about it to me.

We never actually address the fact that Chloe is dressed as a baby (well, a “sexy baby”) in the lyric. In two million years all that will be left of this world will be a fat cockroach, a copy of the Be More ChillOCR, and a few confused aliens wondering what she means by “get inside my diaper, boy.”

“Michael in the Bathroom” Written at Joe’s 43rd Street Apartment, 2014 Many times as a kid and even more times as an adult, I’ve fled to the bathroom to escape a social situation. It feels like one of those no-big-deal things that everyone does and those are the exact sort of scenarios I’m drawn to when writing musical theater.

I’ve always been partial to the “Best Friend” characters. I want to know more about them and never understand why they exist only in the context of the lead character. In every show I’ve written I’ve imagined that when a secondary character leaves the stage, they’re walking into another show where they’re the lead. “Michael in the Bathroom” is the moment when the ultimate sidekick is allowed to take center stage and be the star of someone else’s show. I hope it makes the audience think about all the other secondary characters in the show like Chloe or Rich. They’ve probably all had their own “Michael in the Bathroom” moments over the course of the show, we just don’t get to see them. Oh how I long to write “Jenna in Her Bedroom.” Or “Brooke in the Alley Next to Pinkberry.” Maybe for the sequel.

George Salazar’s performance of the song is magic. It’s one of those miracle moments when a song and a performer connect in a specific way. The music and lyrics are a road map, but there are so many people who make the journey of a song like this happen. It all came together through a collaboration between myself and Ned’s characters and Joe’s book and Stephen’s direction and Nathan Dame’s musical direction and Bobby Tilley’s costumes and every other element that goes in to making any moment of theater.

George is the first person to sing “Michael in the Bathroom” in the show itself, but while I was developing the score, the song was sung out of context by a few gents including Jason Tam, Seth Eliser, and Will Roland. They taught me much about the tune and I bow down to them.

I wrote the song in one sitting in 2014 and the content never changed, aside from the cutting of a short third verse right after the bridge. We cut it late in the rehearsal process in deference to the “too much of a good thing can be dangerous” rule of theater.

A few people have questioned my use of humor in songs that are otherwise quite serious. “Why do you have jokes in such a powerful song?” an uptight professor once asked. “Why is this hilarious showtune so stinking sad?” a late-nite comedian queried over drinks at McHale’s. The intersection of the comedy and the tragedy feels true to the human experience. The absurdity of having to work through things at the Worst Possible Moment is something I’ve experienced many times. Things are rarely all good or all bad but things are always messy. You find out you got into your dream school while you’re high at your racist grandfather’s funeral. You have to audition for a role on Stranger Things the same day that a mountain lion eats the family dog. (RIP Spot.) You have a panic attack while wearing a Halloween costume after fighting with your possessed best friend in the bathroom of High School Halloween Party. It’s all so forlorn and confusing and funny. To me at least.

Charlie and I worked closely getting the arrangement just right. We wanted it to ebb and flow and sound like a pop song at first, never giving away that it will eventually turn into this tour-de-force musical theatre mad scene. I like when orchestration is at odds with the content of a song and doesn’t immediately announce what the song is about.

After going on this monumentally poignant journey, Michael undercuts it all with a spot of sarcasm, carrying on the great tradition of musical theatre characters who don’t really mean it when they say “I’m so glad I came.” (Follies reference.) The whole thing ends with the most sardonic cha-cha-cha ever to button a number.

“The Smartphone Hour (Rich Set A Fire)” Written at Ripley-Grier Studios, 2014 Jenna Rolan finally gets her moment of glory, unexpectedly, as the star of a seven-minute dance number. Katie Ladner’s turn as Jenna is so specific and inventive. She deflects the casual barbs thrown at her because she is not letting anyone ruin the time she gets to shine.

I set out to write a song that dramatizes and activates the dangerous world that the Be More Chill characters exist in. We spend so much time with our kind, sensitive protagonists, it’s easy to forget the madness they are living in. It’s hard to be a teenager, especially today. It’s a menacing world where information travels at warp speed. As does gossip, rumors, insults, lies, etc. To me, “The Smartphone Hour” speaks to the ferociousness of modern teenagers and shines a light on the sort of environment that leads to bullying and depression and worse.

It’s also a splashy musical comedy dance number! I wanted it to feel overlong and unreasonably gargantuan. I thought for sure some smart theatre artist along the way would force me to cut this song. I decided I was going to fight for it. It may not cover a ton of story ground, but I felt that it was imperative to have the number in the show. It sets the audience up for the craziness that’s about to happen in Act II and lets us know that things have spun out of control—both in the story and in the show itself. I think subconsciously, the audience thinks: “A dance number about arson?! The rules of the show are changing! I hope nothing unexpected happens to the characters I love! They wouldn’t kill off Jeremy, would they? Well, if I’m watching a dance number about arson anything is possible! Oh no! #SaveJeremy!”

Luckily, I never had to fight for the song. As soon as Chase Brock got his hands on it, he made it longer, in deference to the “too much of a good thing can be wonderful” rule of theater. Rob Berman’s arrangement of the dance break sounds like a sleepover from hell on crack and Charlie’s smartphone sounds bear more than a striking resemblance to the sort of sounds normally associated with the sinister Squip. Gossip is Evil, kids.

I really feel like we made the best Michael Bennett number Michael Bennett never choreographed. The final shouted: “End!” was all Chase’s idea and I love it so much. It’s a moment that lives in the real estate between musical theater Cheese Ball and rock’n’roll Middle Finger. A neighborhood I often hang my hat in.

The notes of the phone buttons that are heard after “he told me cuz he’s my best friend” are, once again, the same notes as the “More Than Survive” intro figure. Just reversed this time.

The title is an obvious reference to “The Telephone Hour” from Bye Bye Birdie. “Rich…” is by no means a parody of that song, but I think they are spiritual cousins. It’s another example of Be More Chill having a foot in the past and a foot in the future.

“The Pitiful Children” Written at Joe’s 47th Street Apartment, 2013 / Joe’s 43rd Street Apartment, 2014–2015 / Ripley-Grier Studios and Two River Theater 2015, during rehearsals Oh, heavens, this song. The lyrics of this song changed a ton over the course of the rehearsal process and I never got it quite right. I love it on the album. It sounds like what would’ve happened if Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails wrote Les Misérables. Alas, dramaturgically, I don’t think I did a great job of telling the story that Joe Tracz laid out. Don’t be surprised if this one gets fiddled with in anticipation of our forthcoming Be More Chill off-Broadway production.

The orchestration of this song is one of my favorites in the whole show. It pushes The Squip firmly into digitized-demon territory. He’s worrying less about seducing people in this number and he’s letting his true colors show. His true colors are cold, industrial, heavy, and militaristic. There’s no question that this Squip has his sights set on world domination.

I like using lyrics that work dramatically and stylistically. The Squip’s “beep-bop-boop” is literally him speaking in his native computerized tongue, but it also conjures up images of an old-fashioned crooner scatting. It’s connected to Jeremy’s “C-c-c-cmon” and the Ensemble’s “Hey hey hey” and all the rest of it.

“The Pants Song” Written at Joe’s Family’s house on Long Island, 2014 My experience writing this song is very much an example of the comic/tragic thing that I often love to write about.

I had tried to write a song for Jeremy’s Dad for the longest time and could never crack it. Joe Tracz said to me: “I just wish Jeremy’s Dad could have a song about the lesson he learns. That if you love somebody, you put your pants on for them.” Essentially, I am an idea thief. I immediately knew that sentence was a song, I just didn’t know how to write it. We were doing a developmental reading of the show and I was feeling the pressure. There was a date I needed to have the song in by and I had nothing. The day before I needed to have the song, I decided that after rehearsal I was going to have a drink with my best friend Jason SweetTooth Williams and then go home and write the song. And then my Grandma died. After a long illness, my grandmother Flora (RIP Flora) left this damned earth at the Iconis home on Long Island. I needed and wanted to be with my family. After doing all the things that you do when a loved one dies, I went downstairs to my family’s basement at 2 AM and wrote “The Pants Song” in one shot. Sometimes you have to write a song about two guys in their underpants on the night your beloved grandma dies.

Paul Whitty starts in such a forlorn, hurt place at the top of this song. I bet the audience thinks this is going to be a perfect-time-for-a-cigarette-break “sad dad” number and then it turns into a total bop. Much like the “We love everything about you…” section of “Be More Chill,” this was another song that I wanted to feel like a rockin’ version of the theme song from a 1980’s sitcom. Only difference is, the mythical sitcom that “We love everything about you…” comes from is phony and corporate and the “Pants Song” show is heartfelt and cool, Must See TV material.

There used to be a song for Jeremy’s Dad earlier in the show called “The No Pants Song,” where he extolled the virtues of not getting dressed. It was a sad, lazy waltz. The whole thing was one-joke, but I did love the final stanza:

ALL THE EXERTION OF PUTTING ON, THEN TAKING OFF JUST TO PUT BACK ON SEEMS TERRIBLY UNNECCESSARY TO ME WOULDN’T YOU SAY? I’M FINE WITH A Y-FRONT COVERING MY FRONT EVERY DAY

It should be noted that many of my musicals feature moments of pantslessness for male characters. This feels fitting as I am often pantsless when I write said musicals. Write what you know, Joe. (ReWrite reference.)

This is the only song in Be More Chill that features a big, in-your-face key change. I’m normally very discreet about my key changes, but a tasteless shift up a step for two men dancing in their undies feels earned.

The in-store music playing in the background of The Mall sequence is actually a Muzak version of “The Pants Song.” The moment I wrote the tune I knew it was destined to be the annoying music played on a loop in the atrium of a mall. The sort of irritating ear worm that slowly drives the employees of Payless and Sbarro’s mad.

“The Play” As a kid who spent hours listening to the big action-packed climaxes of the Sweeney Todd OCR, the Sunset Blvd. OCR, and the Carrie soundboard bootleg (thanks, 1996 Playbill Online message boards for making that one happen!), I’m so thrilled we got to include ours on the album. The underscore is straight-up cinematic, with all the themes of the past two hours crashing into each other like violent zombie bumper cars.

A few people have asked me if the cascading downward piano line in “The Play” is referencing “Suppertime” from Little Shop of Horrors. While the two riffs sound similar I was actually alluding to, you guessed it, John Carpenter film scores. The 5/4 time signature and downward modulation are dead giveaways. But I do agree that the line sounds not dissimilar to “Suppertime,” which is fine by me! Little Shop was my first musical and has clearly influenced me in countless ways as a writer, especially on Be More Chill.

The “Michael makes an entrance” line came late in the game and is a testament to the “sometimes the best thing a writer can do is just musicalize the stage direction” rule of theater.

One of my favorite bits of orchestral business is the twisted music box version of the “More Than Survive” chorus. Hella Danny Elfman. (Shout out to Rich’s Nightmare Before Christmas belt buckle! The 1990’s are alive and well and living inside my musical.)

The “Squip Death” section was hatched by Eric William Morris and myself in the basement dressing rooms of Two River Theater. It’s hard to make out, but as the Squip is destructing he’s speaking Japanese. The Japanese was translated by my bestie-since-fourth-grade Michael Ettannani. We’ve all got our Michaels.

“Voices In My Head” Written at a Two River Theater writing retreat, 2015

The point of Be More Chill is that we’re always going to have voices in our head, both good and bad, telling us what to do. The trick is to figure out which ones to listen to. The fear and doubt and anger and anxiety never really go away, but you can find a way to manage them. At one point in our process Joe Tracz articulated this by saying: “At the end of the show, there are still voices in his head, but the loudest one is Jeremy’s.” Yet again, I am a lowdown dirty idea thief. I stole Joe’s words and turned them into our finale.

Since the show begins and ends with ensemble numbers led by Jeremy, I thought this was a nice opportunity to chart our leading man’s growth. I wanted the vibe of the chorus to be different from “More Than Survive.” It’s more laidback, it’s more confident, it’s more playful. It’s more (ahem) chill. Even when the Ensemble kicks in with the “Na’s Na’s” from the beginning of the show, it’s less aggressive than it used to be. There’s harmony and everyone’s singing together instead of singing at each other.

It was important to all of the creators of the show that the triumph of our show not be that Jeremy gets with Christine. The personal triumph for him is that he’s able to deal with his “stuff” enough to have a normal-person conversation with her. I don’t know if Jeremy ends up with Christine after the events of Be More Chill. Maybe he does. Maybe he ends up with Michael. Maybe he ends up with no one. It really doesn’t matter. What matters is that he has figured out that his voice is one that is worthy of being listened to. And that allows him to get on with his life and move forward. All of the characters being together shouting “C’mon, let’s go!” is a triumph to me. They don’t know what’s next, but they’re going to go through it together. An army of Creeps, taking on the world hand in hand.

Robert Altman used to talk about how he never understood why movies ended with weddings. Why is the story over just because two people kiss? There are no real endings in life except, maybe, death. Musically, I didn’t want the show to end with a big held-out chord or with arms-around-each-other “it’s all gonna be alright!” sweetness. I wanted the very end to feel raucous and alive and like the music is tumbling toward something. Toward the future.

The joke of the ending is that even though the kids at Middleborough deactivated The Squip and prevented a total take-over, chances are good that all of the neighboring high schools have been completely taken over. No one is safe, all we can do is prepare ourselves as best we can. They may offer you fortune and fame. Love and money and instant acclaim. But whatever they offer you don’t feed the… Squips? Sorry, wrong show. Smiley face, lipstick, kitty paw.

#be more chill #jeremy heere #michael mell #michael in the bathroom #Joe iconis #george salazar #will roland #be more chill musical #Brooke lohst

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