#a bit negative but also not | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

plumblossombouquet · 1 year

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after 5 long months ive logged onto this account. ive cleaned it up of any cluttering posts. i feel a lot of regret for how ive handled certain things and for how harshly ive always treated myself. i had tried to be optimistic on this blog, you can see it, but deep down i was miserable. this isnt a sob story post, it is more of an update and analyzing myself too. because to analyze me back then and me now is to see growth as a person.

tbh i was struggling with a lot of things months ago and even relapsed in things i wouldn’t have imagined i would have. this isnt for validation at all, i like writing things publicly like this, like a note for myself? idk.

i know i would make comments about my mental state back then “how it got better” but that was never the case. it was temporary.

to be quite honest, i will get into the real real gist of it. i had moved out of my parents place like in october of 2022. living with my family has always been stressful, i wont go into that though. my roommate was an incredibly selfish and two-faced person. there were red flags but i either hadnt noticed or ignored them. she was a complete pos, imo, and even reveled in being one. she was even gross and her sister who also lived with us was also gross. i feel bad for her cat bc she wouldnt clean the litter box that much until she wasnt so “depressed”. i am honestly not sure, i put quotation marks bc honestly i feel that she was just lazy as fuck. she was one of those girls who followed trends and went out clubbing a lot and had lots of hook ups. i dont know man, maybe i seem like an asshole but ive struggled with depression since i was a kid and still find energy to clean my cats litter box. granted, i have better coping mechanisms and thought processes and am just in general in a better place mentally but idk i love my cats to death and feel like a dickwad when i even go a couple of hours over with cleaning their litter box. she also didnt try to help with her cat becoming obese basically and stuff, so yea. sorry for the long tangent, my roommate was a dickwad.

after moving out of that hell hole (i wasnt apart of the lease so it was p easy), i think i moved out beginning of february? well, situations happen and i move out of parents place with my bf at the end of february. place ends up being fucking infested with bed bugs and the landlord lady was a bitch and so yea. i moved in and out like 4 times in the span of november 2022-march 2023 i think? tbh, that was all pretty stressful. but i think the good thing out of it was my cats are indoor cats now and i love taking care of them.

while cleaning my posts of clutter, i had a wave of nostalgia both good and bad. it wasnt that long ago but it feels like it. i loved rping hu tao and i think a lot of the reason as to why i could never rp with a lot of ppl was because i was harsh to myself and held myself back. i felt like i didnt properly convey hu tao’s portrayal and compared myself to other hu taos. it is easy to compare because it isnt your writing or portrayal. i could look at myself, be a harsh critique about my looks, but at the end of the day there could always be someone out there that sees things differently. in a more positive and less judgemental light, ig. i also had and still struggle with social anxiety. it has gotten better and perhaps it has helped that ive learned to be more understanding of myself like i am with others.

i love hu tao as a character and always will. and id love to come back to her! but tbh i have fallen out of the game and havent been playing it. i havent played the event including hu tao. i am not sure yet if i am going to make such a commitment to rping again but looking back at the posts made me feel a bit happy. i kinda like how i wrote her, i liked interacting and being goofy.

so, there is that, i guess.

#❀ fragrance in thaw (ooc).#a bit negative but also not #long post tho

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capinejghafa · 2 months

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David is the only valid tua cast member in this interview.... also, I love how they probably though he was joking he was was deadass serious and they're like jk!

[Source]

#david castañeda #tua cast #the umbrella academy #tua4 #tua #tua spoilers #david said fuck that #me too david me too #also this made me hate justin and aiden just a little bit #be so serious #tua negativity

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autumn-may · 9 months

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Mostly spoiler free summary of my viewing experience

#The boy and the heron #how do you live #studio ghibli #ghibli #in all honesty that movie was legitimately so fantastic and im like changed as a person #Story wise as well! It hits really hard if you know a bit about miyazaki and his legacy. Its a very personal movie i think #And you can feel it in every aspect #The eng dub voice actors were really good as well and the animation was beautiful as always #Also really loved the tone!!! The story really relied a bit on the use of negative space in both sound and pacing and i enjoyed that alot #in conclusion go read a article about miyazaki and his son and then go watch the movie it’s probably going to be one of my favorites #image id in alt

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psikonauti · 2 years

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Armando Veve (American, b. 1989)

#upl #va #art #drawing #Armando Veve #animals in art #this isn't a cyanotype #the artist says :#The process was a bit layered for this one. In short I created graphite negatives of each insect and used the black and white data to #digitally expose a cyan-painted surface. I was trying to mimic the cyanotype process while also maintaining the texture in my other drawn wo #In a sense the work exists between drawing and photo.#---his comment about the work

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knifearo · 2 years

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i think a lot about the loneliness of being aromantic. because it's something that's so profound, right? you're told your whole life that you need something to make you happy, to make you complete, to give you connection with other people, and when you realize you're aro, that's torn away from you. everything you've been raised to want is no longer something that will fulfill you. you are not built to be happy. and it gets better with time, it does! you restructure your world view, bit by bit, and the sting fades, but... i don't think it ever truly goes away. it's hard to express, because i love being aro, and i'm happy being aro, i wouldn't want to be any other way, but at the same time. there is such a profound heartbreak to knowing that you will never be someone's most important person in a society that values romance. that you'll never get the happy ever after that you were promised as a child. and you know you can be happy. but there's a lifetime of amatonormativity that lives in your brain and tells you that you can't.

#it's like catholicism a little bit. kjsfgh #brain worms #i will make seven thousand more posts about this but this one will suffice to start #i hesitate to talk about it because i don't want to misconstrue my aro experience as being negative!#i enjoy being aro so much!#And Also.#anyway. share thoughts we're here to support each other #amatonormativity #aspec #aromanticism #aromantic #aro #aroace #aro culture is #actually aro #arospec

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starry-bi-sky · 6 months

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i need to get this out of my head before i continue clone^2 but danny being the first batkid. Like, standard procedure stuff: his parents and sister die, danny ends up with Vlad Masters. He drags him along to stereotypical galas and stuff; Danny is not having a good time.

He ends up going to one of the Wayne Galas being hosted ever since elusive Bruce Wayne has returned to Gotham. Vlad is crowing about having this opportunity as he's been wanting to sink his claws into the company for a long while now. Danny is too busy grieving to care what he wants.

And like most Galas, once Vlad is done showing him off to the other socialites and the like, he disappears. Off to a dark corner, or to one of the many balconies; doesn't matter. There he runs into said star of the show, Bruce who is still young, has been Batman for at least a year at this point, but still getting used to all these damn people and socializing. He's stepped off to hide for a few minutes before stepping back into the shark tank.

And he runs into a kid with circles under his eyes and a dull gleam in them. Familiar, like looking into a mirror.

Danny tries to excuse himself, he hasn't stopped crying since his parents died and it's been months. He rubs his eyes and stands up, and stumbles over a half-hearted apology to Mister Wayne. Some of Vlad's etiquette lessons kicking in.

Bruce is awkward, but he softens. "That's alright, lad," he says, pulling up some of that Brucie Wayne confidence, "I was just coming out here to get some fresh air."

There's a little pressing; Bruce asks who he's here with, Danny says, voice quiet and grief-stricken, that he's with his godfather Vlad Masters. Bruce asks him if he knows where he is, and Danny tells him he does. Bruce offers to leave, Danny tells him to do whatever he wants.

It ends with Bruce staying, standing off to the side with Danny in silence. Neither of them say a word, and Danny eventually leaves first in that same silence.

Bruce looks into Vlad Masters after everything is over, his interest piqued. He finds news about him taking in Danny Fenton: he looks into Danny Fenton. He finds news articles about his parents' deaths, their occupations, everything he can get his hands on.

At the next gala, he sees Danny again. And he looks the same as ever: quiet like a ghost, just as pale, and full of grief. Bruce sits in silence with him again for nearly ten minutes before he strikes a conversation.

"Do you like to do anything?"

Nothing. Just silence.

Bruce isn't quite sure what to do: comfort is not his forte, and Danny doesn't know him. He's smart enough to know that. So he starts talking about other things; anything he can think of that Brucie Wayne might say, that also wasn't inappropriate for a kid to hear.

Danny says nothing the entire time, and is again the first to leave.

Bruce watches from a distance as he intercts with Vlad Masters; how Vlad Masters interacts with him. He doesn't like what he sees: Vlad Masters keeps a hand on Danny's shoulder like one would hold onto the collar of a dog. He parades him around like a trophy he won.

And there are moments, when someone gets too close or when someone tries to shake Danny's hand, of deep possessiveness that flints over Vlad Masters' eyes. Like a dragon guarding a horde.

He plays the act of doting godfather well: but Bruce knows a liar when he sees one. Like recognizes like.

Danny is dull-eyed and blank faced the entire time; he looks miserable.

So Bruce tries to host more parties; if only so that he can talk to Danny alone. Vlad seems all too happy to attend, toting Danny along like a ribbon, and on the dot every hour, Danny slips away to somewhere to hide. Bruce appears twenty minutes later.

"I was looking into your godfather's company," he says one night, trying to think of more things to say. Some nights all they do is sit in silence. "Some of my shareholders were thinking of partnering up--"

"Don't."

He stops. Danny hardly says a word to him, he doesn't even look at him -- he's sitting on the ground, his head in his knees. Like he's trying to hide from the world. But he's looking, blue eyes piercing up at Bruce.

Bruce tilts his head, practiced puppy-like. "Pardon?"

"Don't." Danny says, strongly. "Don't make any deals with Vlad."

It's the most words Danny's spoken to him, and there's a look in his eyes like a candle finding its spark. Something hard. Bruce presses further, "And why is that?"

The spark flutters, and flushes out. Danny blinks like he's coming out of a trance, and slumps back into himself. "Just don't."

Bruce stares at him, thoughtful, before looking away. "Alright. I won't."

And they fall back into silence.

Danny, when he leaves, turns to look at Bruce, "I mean it." He says; soft like he's telling a secret, "Don't make any deals with him. Don't be alone with him. Don't work with him."

He's scampered away before Bruce can question him further.

(He never planned on working with Vlad Masters and his company; he's done his research. He's seen the misfortune. But nothing ever leads back to him. There's no evidence of anything. But Danny knows something.)

At their next meeting, Danny starts the conversation. It's new, and it's welcomed. He says, cutting through their five minute quiet, that he likes stars. And he doesn't like that he can't see them in Gotham.

Bruce hums in interest, and Danny continues talking. It's as if floodgates had been opened, and as Bruce takes a sip of his wine, it tastes like victory.

("Tucker told me once--") ("Tucker?") ("Oh-- uh, one of my best friends. He's a tech geek. We haven't talked in a while.")

(Danny shut down in his grief -- his friends are worried, but can't reach him. When he goes back to the manor with Vlad, he fishes out his phone and sends them a message.)

(They are ecstatic to hear from him.)

It all culminates until one day, when Danny is leaving to go back inside, that Bruce speaks up. "You know," He says, leaning against the railing. "The manor has many rooms; plenty of space for a guest."

The implication there, hidden between the lines. And Danny is smart, he looks at Bruce with a sharp glean in his eyes, and he nods. "Good to know."

The next time they see each other, Danny has something in his hands. "Can you hold onto something for me?" He asks.

When Bruce agrees, Danny places a pearl into his palm. or, at least, it's something that looks like a pearl. Because it's cold to the touch; sinking into Bruce's white silk gloves with ease and shimmering like an opal. It moves a little as it settles into his hand, and the moves like its full of liquid.

Bruce has never seen anything like it before, but he does know this; it's not human. "What is it?" He asks, and Danny looks uncomfortable.

"I can't tell you that." He says, shifting on his foot like he's scared of someone seeing it. "But please be careful with it. Treat it like it's extremely fragile."

When Bruce gets home, he puts it in an empty ring box and hides the box in the cave. He tries researching into what it is. he can't find anything concrete.

Everything comes to a head one day when Danny appears at the manor's doorstep one evening, soaking wet in the rain, and bleeding from the side.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc prompt #man i just really need more dpdc stuff where danny and bruce have a good relationship. like man i NEED it. like i need to see these two #bonding together. and not in a cracky 'oh danny is a distant friend/cousin/etc' stuff but like. active participants in each other's lives #or as active as can be in this case. i neeeeed these two getting along and caring about one another #this idea came to me like last night and hasn't left since nd it was driving me up the wall to think about both positively and negatively b #i neeeded someone to hear about this or i was gonna implode #danny is the first son #tried to just get the general gist of the idea down but i definitely thought of the idea that bruce lowkey suspects vlad for having a hand #Vlad allows Danny to sneak off because he thinks Danny is alone. if he knew Bruce was there he'd be piiisssed and would put a stop to it #Sam and Tucker are alive they just got ghosted for a bit by danny bc he was in Major Grief and didn't wanna socialize. He couldn't go to #them because he didn't wanna put them in danger via Vlad.#oh that thing he handed Bruce? Yeah that's his ghost core. I have a headcanon (that isnt always applied) that ghosts can take their cores #out of their bodies at will and painlessly and without issue. and its common practice actually to do so bc they can be a not insignificant #distance away from said core before problems start to act up. and its common for ghosts to leave their physical cores at their lairs for #safekeeping because as long as the physical core is fine: so is the ghost. they can reform if their body gets destroyed. it also acts as a #fast travel sometimes. where they can reform at their core in an instant. its not inspired in the slightest by SU but i do see the overlap #most cores are pretty small for safety sake: its harder to hit if its small. and they're pr resilient too but its better to be safe than #sorry. so yeah. danny essentially gave bruce the physical embodiment of his soul and indirectly said #'if anything happens to me at least i'll be safe with you'#danny doesn't know he's batman btw #starry rambles.#was gonna go into danny becoming a vigilante beside bruce but im sleeeepy so i'll do that in a reblog. he's gonna go by nightingale if #anyone is interested. stereotypical but to be frank it is a *good* name imo. has a good amount of syllables and consonants to it #and the bird theme. and since its part of an ancestral name it has even more backing for it being bird-y without being meta

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beneathsilverstars · 2 months

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you know what fuck you [loopifies your figure drawings]

original normal drawings under the cut lol.. for the art-heads

#i love the bottom two poses for loop perhaps i will make full illus of them some day #silverstarsart #isat loop #in stars and time loop #in stars and time #isat #loop #i did these to figure out how to draw loop's silly nakey body bc i usually struggle #but these look good af... so maybe i just need to get messier?#overworking things is a common problem for me so that makes sense #i also used the fritzies more strategically instead of just as an afterthought -#whenever a curve or angle looked too naked human i added a fritz to break it up #and that definitely helped!#i also love how i did their head. it's very negative spacey. maybe a bit too much for basic loop but #i'll absolutely be using the negative space technique for my bodycrafted loops

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bestagons · 4 months

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[checks wrist for year]

#dan and phil games #dan and phil #daniel howell #amazingphil #danisnotonfire #dan howell #i had a little bit of time so i made this was it the best use of my time probably not #also mr i was negative 5 now knowing people with phil since he was 1 #okay buddy sure thing honey #chickenchicken #hexagifs

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thotpuppy · 5 months

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ThotPuppy's Historical-themed Sterek Fic Recs

I know lots of folks have already done one of these! BUT! This is one of my favorite tropes, so... here are some of my faves! As a note, these largely range from ~vaguely medieval~ to incredibly well-researched SPECIFIC 'Medieval' to ~general regency ish~ to VERY Regency to various points in between. I am also aware of some as of yet unwritten but ~coming soon/eventually~ Pirate, Wild West, 1920s, and of course Medieval pieces coming out, so I MAY have to post an updated version in a year or so lol

Also... have one that's not here? PLEASE send it to me! Especially Medieval Fantasy. It's my FAVORITE and I KNOW there are more that I don't have/don't have saved and I'm very interested!

Golden Boy by trilliath Rated E, Complete, 127k+

A Most (Im)Proper Proposal by Welsh_Woman Rated E, Complete, 200k+

Entente by Siria Rated E, Complete, 44k+

A Desperate Arrangement by mikkimouse Rated E, Complete, 115k+

Foolish devouring things, build your castle in me by LunaCanisLupus_22 Rated E, Complete, 23k+

The Consort's Tourney by Lalaith_Quetzalli Rated T, Complete, 12k+

The Wolf in the Tower by exclamation Rated M, Complete, 57k+

Propriety and Pursuit by JenyaKeefe Rated E, Complete, 27k+

The Wrong Hale by Dextrous_Sinistrous Rated E, Complete, 77k+

The White Hart of Winter by DarkAthena Rated E, Complete, 65k+

The Marriage Contract by Palendrome Rated E, Complete, 12k+

The Omega Servant and the Alpha King by EmeraldTrident Rated E, Complete, 2.4k+

Where the Real Beasts Are by kaistrex Rated E, Complete, 109k+

I Made a Vow Out to the Dark by WhoGeek Rated T, Complete, 22k+

I'm Not Asking Questions, I'm Taking My Chances by keldjinfae Rated E, Complete, 80k+

Here are a few that I haven't had a chance to read yet, but the mere concepts have me in a chokehold:

Kingdoms Fall by Gia279 Rated M, Complete, 74k+

A Pauper's Prince (Revised) by Welsh_Woman Rated E, Complete, 83k+

A Wolf's Heart by Palendrome Rated E, Complete, 22k

Tangled Crowns by Halevetica Not Rated, WIP, 37k+

A Winter's Knight by changez Rated E, Complete, 5.5k+

I Won't Be Alone For The Rest Of My Life by blackorchids Rated G, Complete, 1.4k+

And lastly, would I really be that bitch if I didn't rec my own?

Triskelion Reign: the Shepherd, the Lamb, and the Wolf Rated E, WIP, 47k+

Tagging authors (i know of on here) so they know we out here loving and appreciating them! @Athenadark , @outtoshatter, @halevetica, @changez4sterek, @lalaithquetzallicaresi, you all write lovely works and I appreciate your efforts <3

#sterek #stiles x derek #derek x stiles #sterek fic rec #sterek fanfic #eternalsterek #sterek is eternal #my fic rec #thotpuppy recs #medieval fantasy #regency #historical #like my dudes this rec list covers like 1100 through 1820 #it is ALL over the place #maybe a wee bit lacking in true rennaissance??#imo it makes up for it with some of the “ren faire” level aus #but i do not say that as a negative i live for it #ALSO its very eurocentric which makes me kinda want to write that feudal japan inspired fic even more akdgjakdjg #it's the weeb in me im sorry

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