#a couple of these were written Like That because ive been looking at a lot of shitty old homestuck posts on pinterest lately.

[charles-draws]

i spent a lot of time on this actually

[pshcomforts]

➳ falling in love | psh. & pjs.

collegestudent!sunghoon x fem!reader, collegestudent!jay x fem!reader (feat. wonyoung from ive)

“i feel falling in love with all my heart”

synopsis: you and sunghoon have become distant ever since he started going out with wonyoung, allowing you to be closer with jay.

warning/content: written in third pov. angst. fluff. slight angst ending(?) not proofread. cursing. hoon’s not really in here a lot (sorry). jay ending <3 (this one kinda hurt)

comments, likes, and reposts are appreciated :)

word count: 6.7k

a/n: part one — ₊˚ʚ let you break my heart again ɞ˚₊

fictional characters — dae (jungwon’s boyfriend), min-su (heeseung’s girlfriend), and ji-woo (jake’s girlfriend). the long awaited part two!!

༘˚⋆𐙚｡masterlist⋆.✧˚

current song playing: falling in love by cigarettes after sex

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

1:11 ───────|──────────── -2:53

months had passed since sunghoon and wonyoung were officially dating.

and from then on, him and y/n haven’t been the same. she’s kept a clear distance in everything, ensuring that girl code was still relevant for his girlfriend.

wonyoung was thankful for it. she didn’t need to worry about the usual girl friend waiting for the perfect moment to seize the guy.

in fact, y/n steered clear of the couple so much that sunghoon and her didn’t even talk on the daily basis anymore.

no more constant texts. no more late night calls. no more stupid inside jokes.

they’d all now been reserved for wonyoung..

and jay.

ever since the girl accidentally bursted into tears in front of him, they’ve gotten slightly closer.

and being the gentleman his parents raised him to be, jay always ensured she was okay before her class started by walking her there every day — even if his classes were across campus.

he was a change from sunghoon.

usually, hoon would tease and make fun of y/n, but with jay, he was sweet and gentle — careful, almost, with how he treated her.

it was definitely something she’d have to adjust to but she didn’t mind. the 5’11 boy was comforting to her in every way.

but even then, she did kind of miss sunghoon. he just always got her, and she always got him. it seemed like he didn’t mind the change either though, as long as he was with wonyoung, he was okay.

because he wasn’t y/n’s. he was never to begin with.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

“hey,” ji-woo snapped her fingers at y/n, who instantly shot her head up.

“hm?”

“girl are you okay? you keep spacing out..,”

y/n groaned out a sigh before planting her head on min-su’s shoulder. “i’m fine.., i’m just really tired from the last minute study session i had with jay yesterday.”

“you guys studied again?” she heard min-su muffle on the side.

“yeah, he asked so i just went along with it.”

the atmosphere became quiet after her words processed to everyone. “what..?” she asked with shifting eyes.

“doesn’t jay usually hate study sessions?” dae mumbled.

“yeah but he really needed help on his assignment, and i just happened to be there.”

the boy shifted his gaze to ji-woo once more, allowing y/n to catch on and glance at min-su with a — ‘the hell are they doing?’ — kind of look, just for her friend to snort out a laugh.

“don’t look at me, i’ve been with hee since last night.” min-su defended.

y/n nodded before looking at the other two. “why do you guys keep looking at each other like that?”

“um well.., don’t you think it’s a little suspicious that jay wanted to do a study session when he hates them?” ji-woo murmured.

“no.. we’re friends with him, he’d ask any one of us for help.”

dae grumbled a sigh of slight irritation before replying, “yeah but he asked you, y/n, when it’s been almost two years since you took that class.”

“mhm.. and didn’t you say you were kind of getting over sunghoon?” jake’s girl interrogated once more.

y/n sighed, shaking her head at her friends. min-su, who quickly caught on, spoke — “alright alright that’s enough, let her get some rest before her class starts.”

the group went on to talk about something else as y/n stayed stuck on ji-woo’s words. it was true that she was getting slightly over her crush, but that was only because she basically never saw him as much as she used to.

he was still in the friend group, but he just never felt present in her eyes anymore. the only thing they’d exchange would be a soft laugh when somebody joked, but other than that, the relationship was gone.

maybe she just missed how it was, or maybe she just missed him and his homely presence.

“y/n?? did you even hear us?” dae snapped with furrowed brows.

she lost her train of thought as she looked over to jungwon’s boyfriend, who continued to wear a worried look. “sorry.. i got distracted, what?” she murmured.

“we’re gonna go out with our men this weekend, just to a farmers market and walk around. wanna come with us? we miss you..,” ji-woo chimed in with hopeful eyes.

“i’m right here…,” the girl attempted to joke, causing light giggles to go around in the circle.

“girl we haven’t properly seen you in weeks. you’re either studying at home or you’re with jay somewhere.” min-su added in.

y/n’s stomach randomly dropped at the statement of being with jay elsewhere. her heartbeats were getting slightly heavier and her fingers were fidgeting with each other. she knew this feeling. she knew it a little too well.

“i’m not always with jay..,” she tried to deflect.

dae giggled at her state. “i swear whenever i see you on campus, jay’s beside you.”

“he’s just a comforting friend..,”

“yeah so bring him when we go out this weekend!” jake’s girlfriend beamed with a plastered grin.

it was obvious that the group was trying to get her mind off of hoon now that he was with wonyoung, but y/n had to admit, it was strange. she used to always have her ears be filled with mumbling words from them of how her and her favorite boy would get together soon.

but it was gone. that moment was gone now, and she didn’t know whether to be glad or ashamed that she was moving on a little too quick.

so instead, the girl just whipped her head to her friend. “what, so him and i could 7th wheel you three?” she shot, head already shaking in disagreement.

“well if you bring him then it won’t be 7th wheeling!” dae attempted to reason.

“is this really your guys’ way of convincing me to go when i won’t have fun?”

“what won’t be fun?” niki’s voice suddenly boomed from min-su’s behind.

y/n groaned as she found a few members taking the empty seats around the table, jay voluntarily sitting next to her. “they’re trying to make me 7th wheel on saturday, i should say no right?”

the maknae snorted out a laugh before placing his elbow onto her shoulder. “they’re really gonna torture you like that?” he mumbled in a snicker.

“right! that’s what i’m saying!”

jay chuckled, dusting niki’s arm off of his friend’s shoulder as he uttered, “why would they do that?”

“we’re trying to make her go out more!” ji-woo panned with an eye roll, causing jake to holler out laughs as he responded, “love, is it really the best way to have her go out with couples after spending weeks to get comfortable around sunghoon and wonyoung?”

“he’s got a point, babe.” jungwon commented, looking directly in dae’s eyes with sparkles. “she’ll still have fun though!” the boy tried to defend, avoiding his favorite boy’s features.

“heeseung’s not even here to make it worst but all this couple stuff with just those two is making me sick. how will i survive it being three couples?” y/n gagged, body shaking in horror.

the handsome male beside her chuckled as he gave a soft ruffle to her hair. “good luck with that, text me if you get bored.” jay suggested.

there it was again. the nervous bubbles fuming in her stomach, the eye pupils dilating after meeting eye contact. it was happening.

“don’t be surprised if your phone gets filled with my text messages.” y/n joked back, hoping that he didn’t see through her.

the male probably would’ve if sunghoon hadn’t just entered in with wonyoung linked beside one of his arms.

“who’s getting spammed?” hoon tried to beam in while taking a seat across from his old friend.

he instantly locked eyes with her but she tore her gaze away, looking at ji-woo instead. “they’re trying to make me go somewhere with them,” y/n said, trying to ignore the obvious awkward tension.

ji-woo wore a half smile as she squeezed her boyfriend’s hands out of instinct. “she should go right?” she asked to sunghoon.

the male only nodded, and y/n wasn’t sure if anyone else caught on but she found him holding back a joke that he’d usually make if they were still close.

ouch.

her head lowered once she felt her heart grip on a little tighter in her chest, each vein tingling in despair.

“you should go, y/n, you never want to go out anywhere,” she heard him say. those words were the first thing he’s ever said to her in months. and again, it was strange.

he’d usually say something along the lines of — “don’t go out, let’s just stay at my place and we’ll study” — but he wasn’t there for her anymore.

immediately, the poor girl was then reminded of the times when it’d just be the two hanging with each other. no one else, but them.

they were introverts, but they were extroverts when they were together. when one wasn’t feeling it, the other would be there just to be a comforting presence.

tears filled her eyes as she bit her lips from holding them in. it felt stupid to tear up about something like this, but she couldn’t help it. they didn’t talk anymore, and sunghoon seemed completely fine with it.

y/n was too, but she just needed time to adjust. after all, he did nothing wrong.

as she remained quiet, she felt jay nudge her with his elbow, causing her to look at him with confused eyes.

the male shifted his attention to her and watched how her beautifully glistened eyes emphasized her thoughts. he only raised his brows though, gesturing that she should respond back.

“i don’t know yet. i’m still debating,” she tried to laugh off.

once again, she avoided eye contact with sunghoon, turning to look at dae and min-su instead.

“hoonie’s right, you should go! it’ll be fun especially after working so hard, y/n!” wonyoung chimed in with a sweet smile.

‘hoonie..,’ y/n thought. ‘his nickname..,’

she looked up to the pretty girl and grinned back. in her peripheral vision, she could see the scattered exchanges from min-su to ji-woo, and then ji-woo to dae, and then dae to jungwon, and so forth.

did it hurt that she heard somebody else call him hoonie? sure, but she wasn’t gonna rampage about it.

he wasn’t hers to be acting like that in the first place.

“you’re right, wonyoung. i should go huh??” the girl immediately beamed back, causing wonyoung to agree in a charming manner. she was so gorgeous.

as the conversation continued out and others began talking as well, y/n constantly found herself looking at how hoon stayed attentive on his girlfriend. he was still that same caring boy, just not to her anymore.

“stop staring, they might catch on.” a small whisper lingered in her ear, evidently being jay’s who only chuckled afterward.

she sent a light smack to his arm. “shut up, i’m not staring that much.”

“you’re staring enough,” he joked back, letting his fingers softly nudge her cheeks.

the girl rolled her eyes as jay continued to brightly smile alongside her. “there’s too many couples here,” she mumbled to him, letting her attention stay on each couple coiled up against each other.

“i agree, wanna get out of here?”

she whipped her head in an instant. “yes please!” she harshly whispered back, causing a satisfied grin to be worn on him. “i just have to go to the restroom first.”

jay dramatically sighed — “it’s always the restroom first.”

“shut up!” y/n yelled back, giving a ruthless hit to the arm.

she swore though, that when she got up from her seat, she saw hoon flicker his gaze to her and jay. it was most likely what she wasn’t thinking, but she still caught onto it.

“actually, we’re gonna go too, wonyoung has class soon and i wanna make sure she gets there on time.” sunghoon suddenly spurted out, allowing the two to stand up as well.

the group nodded as the couple took their departure, while niki and sunoo left to their classes, leaving y/n and her three closest friends to run off to the restroom together.

as they left, jay couldn’t help but watch her disappear in his sight. something about her just eased him.

his gaze softened and he found himself smiling without even realizing it. was it happening to him too?

his heart was beating and his breathing was getting heavy at the mere thought of his friend, y/n.

“you really like her, don’t you?” jungwon immediately chimed in with a wiggle in his brows.

jay jokingly scoffed as he laughed. “i don’t like her,” he murmured. “she’s just a friend.”

“yeah a really GOOD friend,” jake added in as well, patting his friend’s back while chuckling.

as jay was about to give another remark, heeseung intruded in — “who are we talking about?”

“y/n and jay.”

“oh that he likes her?” he teased, catching on right away.

“i don’t like her,” the boy grumbled. “we’ve just gotten closer, that’s it.”

“jay.. just admit it,” one of the boys uttered.

“she’s a friend i’ve been comforting since she’s still trying to get over sunghoon, our other friend.”

jake guffawed out a laugh as he murmured, “dude, you’re so bad at lying. she’s starting to get over him because of you anyway.”

jay’s head shot up. “really?” his heart was rapidly racing now, was he really the reason why she was beginning to move on and no longer hurt?

his lips curled into a small grin as he dumbly smiled to himself.

“you definitely like her,” the oldest of them all teased.

jay shot a glare towards him before sighing in defeat. “i don’t like her but .. she’s nice to be around.” a pink tint began to hit his cheeks as he thought about y/n again.

the three boys snickered to themselves as they patted him on the back. “congrats bro, you’re in love,” jake mumbled.

while the four continued to converse, dae and the girls came back soon afterward.

“you still wanna leave?” jay asked, eyes coming into a sparkling haze.

y/n gulped. he was so handsome, and she could just stare at him all day. “yeah,” she cleared her throat. “let’s go, i have class soon.”

as she gathered her things, she found jungwon raising his brows towards jay, only to earn a downturned smile from him.

“let’s leave these people alone,” he grumbled before pulling her away.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

as the two walked around campus, wasting time, their hands constantly bumped against each others. the lingering jay had just to tangle his fingers with hers was crowding his thoughts. he just wanted to know what it was like, to experience it with her at least once.

“i like her..,” he quietly confirmed to himself. “i do…,”

“what was that, jay?” y/n looked up at him with a half smile.

“ah.. nothing. so you’re going with them on the weekend?”

“i kind of don’t want to.., should i just stay home?” she mumbled.

jay chuckled before wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “you should go, it’ll be fun!”

the change from jay and sunghoon was again, too easy to catch on, but y/n ignored it this time.

“wanna go with me??” she suddenly asked with pleading eyes.

the male’s heart stopped for a second. “you want me to go with you..?” he slowly repeated.

“mhm, go with me! so i won’t be alone.. please, jay!”

he softly chuckled as the two stopped in their tracks. “why don’t you ask niki?”

“jay.. come on, we’re closer, it’ll be more fun!”

his heart thumped, and he harshly gulped down every nerve in his body. “y/n..,”

“jay…,” she scowled back with a teasing smile. “come on!”

“you’re just gonna keep asking, aren’t you?”

“yeah so you should just say yes!”

the boy sighed to himself before finally giving in. “fine.. i’ll go.”

y/n jumped up and down in glee, hitting his arms as she yelled, “yay! i won’t be a 7th wheeler!”

jay watched her make little hops, grinning ear to ear as his pupils dilated from looking at her.

he was completely falling for her and he was okay with it. he knew she most likely still liked sunghoon though, but just for the time being, he was enjoying his personal moments with her.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

the weekend came and y/n found herself dolling up for the day sooner than she thought.

“just a day with jay.. usual stuff,” she attempted to convince herself.

as she finally checked her phone, she found text notifications from the boy.

mr. jjongtsby 🐈‍⬛:

I’m almost there, y/n

Are you reading this? I know you don’t have notifications on

I’m pulling up

y/n <33:

oh shit sorry! i’m coming out now :)

the girl rushed out of the door, giving quick goodbyes to her family members before meeting with jay.

“sorry,” she huffed. “i didn’t see your notifications until now.”

he chuckled while backing the car out. “no worries. i thought you almost forgot about our day for a second there.”

her body tensed up at his words. “our day..?”

“yeah, our day with the others.” jay mumbled, hollering out a laugh to cancel out the nervous bubble in his stomach. “ready to go through couple stuff?”

butterflies erupted in her stomach this time as she tried to play it off. “yeah.. let’s go!”

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

hours had passed since jay picked her up, and they had been completely surrounded by each others presence.

the couples were together of course, always walking side by side with arms linked together — leaving jay and y/n to walk along just as friends. her friends would occasionally try to add her into the conversations, but she knew she wasn’t fit for them, especially if they were couple-related things.

“oh isn’t this cute jakey??” she’d hear her friend sickly say, letting her become disgusted from behind.

“oh it is, love! you want it? i’ll get it for you,” jake would murmur back with a smiley face.

maybe she was just a hater, but she couldn’t stand it. then she’d hear her other friend, dae go — “wonie, let’s take a picture with this!”

and that’d only allow jungwon to squish his favorite boy’s cheeks while placing a soft kiss — “okay babe, get ready for the camera,” he’d cheekily respond.

and if that wasn’t enough, she’d already find min-su simply gathered in heeseung’s arms. the boy couldn’t stop clinging himself around her as he mumbled sweet nothings to her.

it was an appalling mess, and y/n was tired of it.

“you really hate seeing them be happy?” jay chimed, teeth fully on display to show his wide grin.

she softly nudged him as she shook her head. “i don’t hate it, but it’s just a little gross…,” the girl replied.

“you signed yourself up for this, you know?”

“jay..,” y/n scowled, sending him a faint glare.

he only smiled at that before backing off. “fine fine, but you know i’m right.”

she playfully rolled her eyes, pushing his shoulder back as she walked a little slower than her friends.

“alright come on grumpy pants, let’s catch up with them.” he mumbled, dragging her away with a slight grip to the wrist.

the two caught up with everyone else who stopped at a bracelet stand.

“baby, let’s get this one.” min-su uttered to her boyfriend who was already reaching for the same purple band as her. “i already knew what color,” he whispered against her, causing a flush color to form on her cheeks.

jake turned to ji-woo as well, letting his eyes sparkle to display his puppy look before mumbling, “what about this one, love? it’s our color.” his hands held a similar pattern to the other bracelet but in green, causing his girl to excitedly squeal — “it’s so us, jake!”

while the other two couples situated themselves, dae and jungwon were already exchanging each others similarly colored bracelets — which were navy blue of course.

“wonie, this color matches us right? i wanted purple but min-su and hee already got it..,” he softly pouted.

won only grinned, making dents in his cheeks for his dimples as he replied, “of course babe. anything matches you because you’re perfect.”

y/n heard her friend giggle like crazy, and all she could do was send a stank eye that wasn’t caught on by anyone else but jay, earning a quiet chuckle from him.

perhaps if the girl was in a relationship like her friends, she’d get it, but she wasn’t. she was the last single friend left.

so as she watched her friends create core memories with their partners from behind, she scanned through each colored bracelet as well — eyes searching for a color she may find fond.

however, the only color that she could see herself wearing was the black one. it was simple, but it had its unique features sticking out to her in the best way possible.

y/n picked it up, contemplating whether or not she should get it. “no one to match with.. but it’s pretty, so i guess.” she reasoned, going to the owner to pay afterward.

it was set in her mind that no one could possibly care to match with her, but jay was willing to. the girl didn’t catch onto the fact that he was secretly observing her.

he was just being discreet, watching to see which colored bracelet she’d choose so he didn’t get the wrong one.

as soon as she picked up the black one, his hands snatched the other free bracelet, causing him to catch a glimpse of the other owner who only beamed a confused look in why he had to seize it like that.

he apologetically smiled before approaching where his new found crush was at.

“cash or card?” the owner asked.

as y/n was about to speak, jay quickly intruded in. “card, i’ll pay.” he beamed with a dazzling smile towards her.

“what?? you’re gonna pay? you don’t have to-“

“too late, it’s yours now, wear it.” jay assured back, flashing another grin before handing her the bracelet.

y/n’s heart fluttered at his kind gesture. he was just being a friend but even then, it was still doing something to her.

“thanks jay.. that was really sweet.”

the male chuckled as he wrapped his own bracelet around his wrist. “don’t mention it, you deserve to be treated this way,” he mumbled with a nervous laugh.

“i do..,” she said under her breath.

it was changing, everything was changing. the clear picture was starting to change from sunghoon and she wasn’t hating it.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

about an hour had passed and the night was soon ending for the group.

“do we have to go already?” ji-woo pouted.

“yes, love, we’re exhuasted.” jake replied, chuckling as he wrapped his arms behind her.

dae sighed on the side. “well we can always stay out just for a little longer..,”

“you know you’re tired, baby, let’s get some rest hm?” won squeezed his boyfriend’s hands, resting on his shoulder as his eyes were glued shut.

heeseung and min-su didn’t bother to chime in. the two were simply already shutting down from all the walking and constant stops.

“i’m tired too!” y/n added on. “what about you jay?”

“i’m pretty beat, but i should take you home soon.”

“now?”

“mhm, let’s go.” jay quickly confirmed, quietly acknowledging her social battery running out.

the two left with little waves of goodbyes to their friends before they reached his car.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

the car ride was quiet through it all. normally, jay loved to go through a highlighted series of what happened best today, but y/n was quiet — indicating that she’d honestly rather stay silent for the time being.

the girl was an introvert, and he was understanding of that, so he only let slow music softly boom in the car as he drove.

it was a change from his old relationships but he didn’t mind it. he knew she was the kind of girl who just wanted peace and quiet at times, and this was it.

when they finally arrived to her place, jay lowered the music and was about to turn to y/n, only to find her plopping her head against his shoulder.

“y/n..?” he tried to call in a low voice. “are you asleep?”

the male waited for a response but got none back whatsoever, allowing him to conclude that she, indeed, was knocked out.

quiet snores left her mouth as she muzzled her head further onto his shoulder. she was comfortably situated, and he loved that she could always just confide into him for that kind of thing.

“cute,” he murmured to himself, beaming a soft grin that displayed his thumping heart for her.

jay parked the car, allowing her to sleep for a few minutes before she woke up out of fear and confusion.

“we’re already here?” y/n grumbled, eyes peeking around the windshield with a groggy expression.

she heard him give a quiet laugh that immediately erupted a mount of butterflies in her stomah as he replied, “yeah but i wanted you to sleep a little, you were really tired.”

“thanks,” she sighed. “today was really fun with you.”

“back at you, get home safe okay?”

“you too,” the girl bunked her wrist against his, causing her to look down at the jingle her bracelet made with his accessory.

then she found it. the matching black bracelet he bought. her heart dropped to her stomach but in a good way.

she had basically confirmed that he was thinking of her in the way she was second guessing.

“your bracelet..?” she uttered out of instinct.

jay tensed up. the instant thought of how awkward it’d be if she didn’t feel the same quickly stole his attention. he was scared and lost, which only caused him to harshly pull his wrist away from her electrifying touch.

“yeah, i like the color,” he bluntly replied with a clear throat.

she smiled, blood rushing to her cheeks as she said, “hey it’s just like-“

“don’t you have to go home?” he harshly cut her off. regret immediately took form on his face once he realized how rude he sounded.

he hated that he was sounding like this because it wasn’t him. he was gentle and reassuring, not cold hearted.

y/n didn’t know how to react though. one minute he’s sweet, and the next he’s cruelly blunt. ‘but maybe it was just from exhaustion,’ she thought to herself before nodding, trying to seem unfazed as she only reached out for the door.

jay wanted to stop and apologize, but he also felt like a creep with getting a matching bracelet without her consent. it wasn’t creepy-like but he was just overthinking it.

as the girl waved goodbye with an attempted smile to ensure everything was okay, jay only pressed his lips into a firm line out of humiliation. he’d like to leave the scene and get rid of the embarrassing moment, but he had to make sure she got in safely.

so when she did, he instantly drove away with a head shake.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

a few weeks were now hitting the mark of when they’d gone out with the couples, and y/n wasn’t sure if it was just her, but she felt a wavering distance between her and jay.

it was panicking her. she already lost sunghoon and she now might be losing jay.

to be quite honest though, her mind was already off of hoon. she didn’t notice him as much anymore, and it was clear that her mind was beginning to render him out.

it was jay that kept her up at night now, from the late night ‘what if’s’ to the stupid sleeping scenarios. it was him, and no longer sunghoon.

it was him who was always there for her, and she realized it once he kept a distance.

she hated it. normally, she’d be the one who’d avoid but she missed talking to him. she missed how he’d light up her day just by simply being near her. she missed him.

whenever the group would sit at a table, jay never chose to sit next to her anymore. he’d either force himself next to niki or he’d just sit next to one of the couples.

‘did i do something wrong?’ she’d constantly think.

but it wasn’t her fault, not at all. jay was just too embarrassed to face her after the bracelet incident. it wasn’t that big of a deal, but he hated how he acted. so until he could normally talk to her again, he was avoiding every interaction possible.

“hey,” dae called to y/n. “are you leaving to class soon?”

“yeah, i have a few minutes left. why? you want me gone?” she joked back with a brow raise.

the boy rolled his eyes as little giggles left the others mouths. “well no, i was just asking!”

y/n laughed as well before checking her phone. “yeah just like two more minutes and then i’ll start walking.”

“you’re done at 3, right?” sunoo asked.

“yep, i’ll walk back to you guys around that time.” she checked her phone again and grumbled out a sigh. “i guess it’s time to go..,”

the girl stood up from the table and sadly waved her goodbyes.

“go with her dude,” heeseung mumbled to jay.

the younger shot his head up. “what??”

“you always walk her, why aren’t you walking her?” jake chimed in with a harsh whisper.

“it’s just a little awkward after.. you know..,”

“that doesn’t give you a reason to not make sure she’s safe though. you know you’ll still walk her,” sunoo scowled.

the boy defeatedly sighed, knowing that his friend was right before tossing his bag over his shoulder and catching up to y/n.

as she walked, she felt her bag be taken off of her shoulders, causing her to look up at the person.

“oh you’re walking me again?”

“mhm,” he only responded.

y/n pressed her lips into a thin line that highlighted the awkward tension. she didn’t know what to say since he was unresponsive, but she couldn’t have it this way.

“jay?”

“hm?”

the girl softly gripped his wrist to stop him from walking, pulling him to the side where no other students could see them.

“why can’t you look me in the eyes?” her brows were slightly furrowed now and she crossed her arms.

“what? what are you talking about?” jay attempted to deny. “i can look you in the eyes.”

what a liar.

a puff of air left her mouth as she slightly ridiculed him. he was saying that, but he wasn’t even meeting her gaze.

y/n rolled her eyes before closing the gap between them. her hands firmly held his jaw, squishing his cheeks and forcing him to lock eyes. her head tilted as she tried to figure him out. she normally wasn’t this confident in getting a man to look at her, but for jay, she had to know.

on the other hand, the male was flustered. he felt his heart doing somersaults with how abrupt she suddenly was in doing something like this. he knew she wasn’t the ‘go for it’ type of girl, so for her to have confidence like this was melting him on the spot.

“look me in the eyes, jongseong.” she murmured, causing a light laugh to burst out of him.

y/n reflected the smile back before huffing out a sigh again. “i’m serious, look me in the eyes. are you okay? what’s wrong? are you feeling sick or something?” her hands that held his cheeks immediately started feeling his forehead for a possible heat temperature.

it wasn’t doing well for jay though that his favorite girl was putting her hands around his face. his breathing was getting heavier and his sight was blurring with her soft touches.

he closed his eyes, calming himself down before holding her wrist to stop at his cheeks.

the girl cocked her head to the side again, hearing him softly sigh as he murmured, “just keep it there, it’s making me feel better” — leaving a subtle kiss at the palm of her hands.

this time, it was her heart beating like crazy now. her hands were slightly shaking, but his hold was reassuring in every way.

“so you are sick..?” she uttered, causing a gentle laugh to leave his throat.

“something like that..,”

“jay-“

“i’m sorry for avoiding you. i’m sorry, it wasn’t right of me but i was just feeling embarrassed.” he quickly communicated.

y/n’s eyes softened at his apology. “what are you sorry for? you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“it was just embarrassing that i got a matching bracelet with you without even asking,” he clarified, scratching his head with an awkward laugh.

her heart melted at his sweet manner. even when he was trying to avoid her, he couldn’t.

“you know you could’ve just asked, jongseong,” she teased. “i would’ve said yes to matching with you.”

jay beamed an apologetic smile before turning his gaze down to their feet. “i thought you wouldn’t have wanted to.. especially since…,”

“since?”

“since you still like sunghoon..,” his heart blew out a sigh at the possibility of her still liking their friend.

his attention continued to stay lowered at their feet, and y/n only watched him try to hide his soft pout away, fluttering her stomach with butterflies once more.

“jongseong..,” she called, knees bending down so she could find his gaze from below.

the male chuckled at her act before replying, “stop using my government name.”

“why not.. jongseong?” she teased back.

“what were you gonna say?” jay murmured, ignoring her teasings but secretly liking it.

y/n giggled, clearing her throat as she responded, “do you think i still like sunghoon?”

his heart dropped to his stomach again. he hated this queasy feeling but he couldn’t stop her if it was how she felt. “don’t you..?” he murmured back to her.

the girl saw how he subtly pushed himself away from her, causing her to sigh and hold his cheeks.

“i like you, jay.”

“w..what? you what?” he flustered.

y/n grinned ear to ear. “i said i like you.. jongseong.”

she felt his cheeks heat up with a tint of red, allowing him to cheekily smile in embarrassment.

“one more time,” he murmured.

she exasperated a sigh before pulling his face towards her. immediately, a soft kiss was planted onto each others lips. it was only a peck though, the girl wasn’t confident enough yet.

jay’s lips coiled into a smile as she said, “does that show it better?”

“i think we gotta try again.”

the boy crashed his lips against hers, holding her gently with one hand at the jaw and the other at the waist. his heart was melting with every second he stayed glued to her.

y/n found her hands to be in his hair, dangling itself into his silk strands that caused soft shivers down his spine.

jay smiled into the kiss, lips curling from the sweet sensations he was receiving from his girl, allowing her to smile into it as well.

once she felt out of breath, she pulled away, only to be littered with soft pecks on her lips.

“you’re gonna be late for class, you know?” he murmured against her skin.

the girl giggled before sweetly nudging his head away. “that’s okay, we can ditch again.” she uttered in reminisce.

“are we gonna do something better than study?”

“yeah, like a date?” she impulsively spoke.

jay’s ears perked up with a hue of red colored at the tips. “you’re confident right now.. i like this side of you.”

“you make me confident,” y/n replied, blood rushing to her cheeks even more.

and it was then that it hit her. she always knew why sunghoon matched wonyoung — she brought the best out of him, and now the girl had found that. she had found her match with jay.

“will you still be confident during the date?” he challenged with his infamous smirk.

“guess you’ll just have to take me out and we’ll see.”

“let’s go then.. darling.”

oh?

her heart instantly fluttered at the new name call. “darling?” she whispered, breaths getting heavy.

“cat got your tongue now?” jay murmured as he kissed her cheeks.

“shut up.. let’s go, jongseong.” she rolled her eyes, causing a deep chuckle to be heard from him.

usually, she’d call her crush ‘loser’ and even though she wasn’t in love with sunghoon anymore, it still felt unusual for her to call jay something that’d been reserved for him.

but it didn’t matter anymore. hoon was no longer on her mind.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

about a month or two had gone by and ever since then, jay and y/n were going strong together.

he still walked her to class and ensured her safety came first like he usually did, but this time, he voluntarily left to the car first so he could minimize her walking.

y/n was left alone, sitting on the cemented seat as she texted her friends.

“this seat taken?” a husk and familiar voice asked from behind.

almost instantly, her heart softly sank. it was sunghoon.

she hadn’t talked to him in months, better yet, seen him in some months. ever since she got with jay, he was just never around anymore.

“hoon?” she murmured. that nickname made both of their hearts thump.

it wasn’t in a way of loving each other, but more so of missing each other. they used to be close friends after all.

sunghoon softly grinned as she shook her head ‘no’ to his question, allowing him to sit beside her.

it was awkward. they used to be friends and now, they can’t even talk to each other.

the two were introverts, but they couldn’t find it in themselves to be extroverts with each other again.

“so you and jay?” hoon suddenly uttered.

“yeah.. we just got close after you and wonyoung started dating.”

“yeah i noticed..,”

his mumble was almost incoherent to her, but she still turned to look at him. “what?”

“nothing..,” he awkwardly chuckled. “i’m happy for you though y/n. he’s a great guy.”

“yeah he is.. but thanks —” she paused for a second, “— loser.”

sunghoon softly laughed at the familiar name call. he hadn’t heard that from her in months and it was comforting in some kind of way.

“i’m happy for you too, sunghoon. let’s try and make our relationships last,” y/n joked, causing the two to cackle out quiet laughs.

as he was about to say more, jay suddenly pulled up to the curb, hinting that it was time for her to go.

she waved hoon goodbye as she got into the car and drove off.

the male kept his gaze down once they were out of his sight. that was the most they’ve talked in months, and it’d honestly probably be the last.

he sighed as he wore a small smile. she left too soon for him to even mention how much he missed her, how much he missed everything — their jokes, their talks, their teasings.

they used to always talk about everything and be each others comfort but things were different now.

he was happy in his relationship with wonyoung, but he just missed y/n as a friend.

sunghoon let out another soft sigh while thinking back to the heartwarming memories. “miss you.. loser.” he mumbled to himself, giving a faint grin at his thoughts.

the male stayed stuck on how they used to be until a notification shifted his attention. it was a text from wonyoung, telling where she’d be and how they should meet for another study date.

he smiled before immediately texting back and leaving the scene.

and there it was.

sunghoon and y/n went their separate ways, falling in love with someone else who wasn’t their mirrored self, someone who brought the best in them.

★・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・★

taglist: @firstclassjaylee @dimplewonie @baevsxii <3

[hellodropbear]

like she used to (bonus)

alexia putellas x sister

part I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII

it's been well over a month since I finished the last part of like she used to and started this chapter, i'm so sorry for the delay!

a week after i posted the last part i was on a run in the national park near my house and it is between two beaches (literally my favourite run ever) so very sandy and uneven and i was running alone and tore my acl/mcl lol so I have been preoccupied with that stuff.

i'm super fucking pissed as well because i was supposed to have state cross country in a couple weeks (first season in the open group) AND my reconstruction is scheduled for like two weeks before peak surf life saving season so i'll probably miss the whole summer and into autumn AS WELL as the competitions we do throughout the summer.

anyway i had to quit football and dance because of a back injury so if this means i have to quit xc and/or sls i'll be super sad.

rant over and here is a new part of like she used to, a popular request of when elena meets olga

:)

~~~~~~

I was a lot littler when I met Jenni. She was tall and had heaps of tattoos littered around her body. Her arm's weren't dissimilar to Mapi's, but they were better at picking me up - either to restrain me or comfort me.  

The first time I met her was on the pitch, on Mapi's shoulders at the end of a game for Spain. I think I was about 6, too big to be carried around like that, but my resistance was ignored and Mapi had pulled me up anyway. 

She was shouting and chanting as she walked around the pitch, making me squeal in laughter as she tugged on my leg and made joke after joke. She only quietened as we approached a bunch of chatting footballers. I had met most of them before, but Jenni was there, the only one I didn't recognise. 

I distinctly remember Mapi tugging me down and holding me up on her hip, pointing at Jenni. She knew I didn't know her, she knew how anxious I became when I was introduced to new people so she made sure I was secure in her arms, my head pressed against her neck.

"Ah! The baby Putellas!" She smiled at me - that friendly, toothy grin that quickly became so familiar. 

I leant back into the familiarity of Mapi, mumbling my response quietly. 

"Not a baby." 

Mapi had laughed, ruffling my hair and planting a kiss on my head. 

"She is six now. You're so big, mi pequena!"

My gaze never left Jenni, still curious about the unfamiliar woman standing in front of me. Mapi must have noticed, because she continued to speak when nobody else did. 

"Elena, this is Jenni Hermoso. She plays here with Spain and also Barcelona with Ale!"

I nodded, smiling shyly at Jenni. 

"I have seen you at home, Elena, but your sister likes to keep you safe and away from all of us players."

I looked up at Mapi, uncertainty written all over my face. She leaned down to me, whispering in my ear. 

"Jenni is a striker for Barcelona, she plays very well."

"Not as well as you, Mapi!" 

She had chuckled softly, kissing my head again. 

"Tell Jenni that."

I looked back up at the dark haired woman, a shy smile on my face. 

"Mapi plays too! She is a defender. I want to be a defender when I grow up and become just like Mapi."

Jenni chuckled as Mapi adjusted her hold on me, allowing her to pull me closer as she wrapped her arms around me. 

"Who knows. Maybe if you get to know me better you'll grow up to become one of the greatest strikers of all time."

I don't remember what happened next, but both Mapi and Jenni laugh when they retell the story of me scrunching up my nose and shaking my head, confident that defence was the only area I would consider going into. 

From then on, Jenni became a familiar face. One that I would recognise at Alexia's games and approach shyly, blushing as she pulled me up onto her hip and walked me around the pitch. 

It was a welcome surprise when Alexia arrived home from training one night, Jenni right behind her with a bashful smile on her rosy face. She sat beside me at the dinner table, sneaking the food I didn't want to eat and making me laugh by kicking Alexia's leg. 

She quickly established her role in our family, and I quickly realised how much I liked having her around. 

She started to pick me up from school, driving me to my own trainings, kicking the ball with me in the back yard when she got home from her training. She was like another sister and as I grew older I began to confide in her like she was related by blood. 

So when Mami told me they had broken up, I was distraught. It was bad enough that she had moved to Mexico, but when she came back to Spain and didn't visit our house, it felt like I had lost a sister. 

Because that's what she was; a sister. 

Mami or Alba must have told her how upset I was though, because she sent me a text not long after, apologising. 

I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye, pequena. I love you so much and I will miss seeing you all the time. I can't wait to watch you grow into a brilliant defender and I have no doubt you will be just like Mapi like you said you wanted to be all those years ago. I am so proud of you and I am always rooting for you and always here for you if you ever need me. 

I had cried over that message, I hate to admit. But it was when everything started to fall apart; when I was beginning to question everything I knew about myself and my family. My emotions were high and I think Jenni disappearing from my life tipped me over the edge, sending me into a raging ocean, swallowing me and spitting me right back out again. 

It's ok. Spain will miss you. I'll miss you a lot as well. Sorry you couldn't convince me to become a striker like you.

~~~~~~

Meeting Olga is different. 

There's no Mapi holding me, right there to carry me away if I want to leave, to comfort me if something goes wrong or to kiss the top of my head to remind me of her presence. 

There's not much comfort left in Alexia either, she is still trying so hard to build back our relationship but for some reason I am struggling to let her. 

I can't confide in Alba, because she met Olga months ago, when they first got together. Mami thinks she is brilliant. 

Of course I have stalked her instagram, my heart racing as I struggled to understand how my sister went from Jenni Hermoso to this girl. Mapi told me it was bad to compare the two, and bad to judge Olga before meeting her. 

They are friends, Mapi and Olga. She became defensive when I said that I don't care who Alexia is dating anymore, that it won't make any difference to my life anymore. 

She told me that I should give it a try.

I told her I'd do it. I told her I'd do it for her. 

~~~~~~

Ingrid dropped me off at my home, sensing my reluctance to head in and reassuring me it would all be ok, that Olga is great. She told me that if I need, I can just send her a text and she will get me to take me back home. 

They didn't want me to leave their apartment, Mapi and Ingrid. Mapi worries a lot, I have found, and had many lengthy discussions with Mami about my wellbeing, how it had declined so quickly and the crash had slipped right through Mami's eyes. 

"She needs to stay somewhere that she can receive the love and care that she hasn't had, Eli! It's not your fault you are busy, but I am not. I can take care of her while she is still vulnerable and then in a couple months, we can rethink."

I wasn't supposed to be listening to their conversation, but Mapi's temper had been rising and her voice became louder as a result. I closed my door again when she finished, not wanting to hear what Mami had to say. 

I held bagheera hostage and wept into her fur, and she stayed with me all night, still asleep by my side when I woke up the next morning, Mapi knocking on my door with breakfast, ready to confirm that I would be living with her indefinitely. 

She said that she was going to help me and look after me. She said she was always there if I wanted to talk, if I wanted to cry, yell, laugh. She said I was going to be ok with such confidence, like there wasn't a doubt in the world. 

"This will just be a blip, pequena. Everything will be ok soon, and I will be right here making sure that time comes."

But, despite my reluctance, she wouldn't take no for an answer when she found out about this dinner tonight, about meeting Olga. 

They are all already sat around the table when I enter the kitchen, slipping my shoes off and walking over to where Mami is sitting, dutifully planting a kiss on her cheek before moving back to my spot beside Alba. 

"Hola."

Alexia looks at me. Alba looks at me. Mami looks at me. But I am focussed on the new brunette sitting across from Alba, waiting for her to make eye contact. 

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Elena."

She looks up at me hesitantly. 

"I know. I'm Olga. It's nice to meet you too, Elena."

I can almost hear the collective sigh of relief around my dinner table as I sit down, still focussed on Olga. I have nothing left to say though, so I am grateful when Alba picks up a new conversation. 

I provide input when necessary, but I am more focussed on Olga than I would like to admit, my eyes straying over to her a bit too frequently. 

She seems, nervous? Maybe. It could be that she doesn't like the food, the way she is picking away at it. But Mami cooks the greatest paella I've ever eaten, and I've heard from Alba that Olga loves any types of food. 

The other and more likely option is that she's nervous because of my presence, which is an idea I am entirely uncomfortable with. But it is almost confirmed in the way she avoids eye contact through the whole dinner, and I feel deflated as I traipse up the stairs and into my room, sitting on my piano stall for the first time in months. 

It's been almost two months since that day. Two months since I left this house, running as far as I possibly could from the darkness it trapped me in. 

I don't like to think about that day, about how I felt in the days leading up to it and the days after it because how am I supposed think about how I felt when I didn't feel anything?

Things have changed so much since then. I made my debut for Barcelona. My sister apologised. I have started living with Mapi and Ingrid, closer to training. I have stopped going to school after my therapist told me it was too much. Everybody knew that quitting football wasn't an option. 

I haven't touched a piano since that day, so the keys feel cold and unfamiliar underneath my fingers. My chords are dissonant and my rhythms are erratic and unsteady. 

It feels like I have lost my touch, and I can feel that connection I had with my father drift further and further away from me as my fingers continue to improvise. I resort back to the first song he ever taught me, a little nursery rhyme but the familiar notes destroy me in an entirely different way, memories flooding through my head, Papi sat beside me on the stall helping me, my sisters and Mami squished on the tiny office couch behind us, cheering me on and singing along. 

My hands retreat from the piano before I get too frustrated and instead, I let my eyes drift up to the picture that has hung above it since it was moved into my room. 

Shaking hands reach forward to pluck it from my wall, and it sits in my lap, my head dipped as I stare at it, memorising every tiny detail. 

I was so small, wrapped up in my sisters' arms. She looked so excited to have a new baby sister, the smile on her face is unfamiliar to me now. 

Alba is beside her, staring down at my tiny body, as if she was printing the image of me into my memory. Mami is gazing at the camera, smiling with her hand wrapped up in Papi's, her head resting on his shoulder as he stares lovingly at his three daughters, his eyes full of tears. 

I quickly wipe away the tear that drops onto the glass, inhaling softly and letting the air leave me once more. My eyes close and I try not to picture how different my life would be if he hadn't of died, if we were still a happy family of five. 

I wonder sometimes, if he would have let the family divide, form a big crack that could be glued together so many times but never completely fixed. Never back to how it once was, always more sensitive than it should be. 

I don't think he would have. 

At least that's what I tell myself. 

I am still staring down at the picture when there is a soft knock on my door, it creaking quietly as Mami pushes it open. 

"She is very happy to have met you, Elena."

I frown, my eyebrows crinkling. It didn't feel like that. Mami speaks again before I have time to come up with a response. 

"But she doesn't know how to bond with you, because she thinks it is her fault that you and Alexia fell out. She thinks she is the reason that you are so sad."

I shake my head. 

"It was long before she came along."

"I know. I know it was."

She sounds guilty, and I know her well enough to know it is because she wishes she did something early on. She wishes she did something at all, that much she has told me. She regrets leaving Mapi to pick up the pieces and try and glue me back together. 

She knows that Mapi has struggled though, because she does not have enough hands to hold the million pieces that I was shattered into together. She can not do it alone, but is reluctant to let me go somewhere else. 

"This is the best place for you at the moment, pequena. Your Mami and sisters are a phone call away, but I have so much time to make sure you are ok."

I heard her talking to Ingrid that night, telling her how worried she was that if I did go back home, if I went to stay with Alexia or Alba, everything would go back to how it was. 

They had agreed that night that they could provide me with the love and care they think I need, that wasn't given to me at home. 

"Can you tell her that she doesn't need to think that? I don't want her to treat me different to Alba or you."

I turn around to face her and notice the single tear that threatens to fall from her eye. 

She has been emotional recently, ever since she came to Mapi's to see me. She cried a lot then, apologising, telling me she was a terrible mother. Telling me that Papi would be ashamed of her. 

Something tells me she cries a lot when I'm not here, the silence that echoed through the house where loud laughs or cries once sang out swallowing her as she eats, sleeps and sits alone. 

"I think you should talk to her, Elena. It would mean a lot to her and to Alexia. It would make things better for the both of you."

~~~~~~

Mami's words follow me for the next few days. 

When Ingrid picks me up, I force a smile and tell her everything went well. Mapi is harder to convince, but I tell her I am tired and head straight up to bed. 

I think about Olga, what I could say to her. How I would even meet up with her. 

She seems nice, and I do want to get to know her, to get along with her. And I think this is the only way to get past the initial awkwardness. It's not like she would come to me. 

It takes me two weeks to build up the courage to go see her, and the only person who knows is Mami because I had to ask for her address. She was happy, I could tell over the phone, encouraging me that it was the right decision, that I was good for doing this. 

I tell Mapi that I'm going to hang out with an old friend from school, but catch the bus out to Olga's apartment instead. 

She lives in a small Barcelona house, a few steps leading up to the large front door. 

I ignore the nerves that flare up inside me as I walk up the stairs, my hand barely hesitating over the doorbell. 

I resist the urge to run and the door creaking opening is the final confirmation that this conversation is happening now. 

She seems surprised to see me, but her initial shock is quickly masked by an awkward smile as she invites me inside, offering me snacks, drinks, a meal. I decline, perching myself on the edge of her sofa after she sits down. 

She looks at me intently, waiting for me to initiate some sort of conversation, but the words aren't coming out. The words I have been brainstorming for the past two weeks seem to have flown out the window as soon as I entered the apartment, leaving me with nothing to say. 

The length of the silence is verging on the edge of being awkward, and Olga clears her throat and speaks instead. 

"It was nice to meet you the other night, Elena. I had heard so much about you and I have been looking forward to meeting you for so long." 

She beamed at me, and I smiled back sheepishly, still unsure what to say. 

I hesitate for an embarrassingly long time, before words finally come to me. 

"Sorry."

Confusion flashes over her face and her mouth opens to speak, but I beat her to it, elaborating. 

"You were probably looking forward to meeting me and I left as soon as dinner finished."

"It's ok." 

She answered too quickly, and I flickered my eyes towards her. A small smile sat on her face, and she had relaxed into the cushions of the sofa. 

"I have thought about what I wanted to say so many times, but I have forgotten how I wanted to start."

I chuckle sheepishly and she shakes her head. 

"You don't need to worry, Elena. I don't want you to be scared of me, or what I think. I just want to know you, and I want you to know me."

"I- It's just- I don't know. You know about everything that's happened... with me and Alexia?"

She nods hesitantly and opens her mouth to speak but again, I beat her to it. 

"It's not your fault. Like, not at all. Mami said you think that and it's not true. It is a lot older than that, all the way back to when Ale and Jenni first broke up."

I didn't really know what reaction I expected from her, but I did not think she would relax so visibly. Her entire body loses any remaining tension, and she releases a loud, long breath. 

"Thank you, Elena. For saying that. She's told me how much you mean to her and how badly she screwed up. I didn't want to be the reason for that. Mapi has mentioned vaguely how it hurt you, and I didn't want to be the reason for that either."

I shake my head.

"You don't need to worry about it. It's not because of you, and it's getting better now. Slowly. I'll be ok."

"I know you'll be ok." 

Her words come out in a whisper and she continues when I look at her in confusion. 

"I have heard a lot about you, Elena, but most of the time, it is about your strength. Everyone says how strong you are, how resilient. Everyone is so proud of you, of who you've become and it is so hard for them because you are the only one who can't see it. You are the only person who doubts yourself. Alexia blames herself and I blame her too."

Her words hit a chord that hasn't been hit in a long time. People have said that to me so many times, in so many different ways. They tell me I am strong, resilient. That I am a hard worker and that I persevere. Usually, it means nothing to me, just more words that are said out of obligation, to try and please me. 

But Olga's words are full of emotion that I can practically feel radiating off her. She means it, I realise. She isn't saying this to make me feel good, or because Alexia told her to. 

She is telling me this because she wants to, because she wants me to hear it, to understand it. 

"I don't blame Alexia for anything any more."

She shakes her head. 

"You should. Because everyone else knows it is true, that her neglect impacted you in ways that cannot be reversed. Things she did that left marks that will never go away and it will haunt her. It already does. She loves you so much. So much. But sometimes she will start crying and I just know it's because she is thinking about you."

There are tears in her eyes, and there are tears in mine. 

And then the tears slip down my face and she is quick to pull me into a hug. 

"You didn't deserve any of this and I am sorry that I didn't do more to stop this. You tell me it is not my fault, but I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. And for that, I will blame myself."

I shake my head again.

"It was not your responsibility."

But I know she knows that, I know what she is trying to say. 

And maybe if she had done something, said something, things would be different. 

But the cracks were already there and they would have remained no matter when Alexia came to apologise. 

I am in a good place. 

Alexia and I will be in a good place soon.

There is nothing anyone can do to change what happened. 

"Thank you for being there for Ale. I know she's had a hard time too."

~~~~~~

lol hope you enjoyed (this has barely been edited so will probably go through it in the morning again)

i'm not kidding this chapter has taken me so so long and I really don't like it but i have written, edited, deleted and rewritten for so long so this is the best we're getting for now

if anyone has any other requests for this fic or an entirely new one let me know!

i have ideas for a new fic coming though so we'll see when I get round to finishing one of those chapters :)

[jihyoruri]

wow!ym fun facts PLEASE I MISS MY GIRLFRIEND

★WOW!YN FUN FACTS

wow!yn, is an ex yg trainee and was supposed to be in babymonster

wow!yn, is a vocalist and has a very soft singing voice which is a complete contrast to her natural speaking voice which is on the deeper side

wow!yn, has the biggest obsession with stars which is why wonyoung calls yn her stargirl

wow!yn, is really close friends with giselle, keeho and yunjin

wow!yn, is a brand ambassador for vivienne westwood and ck

wow!yn, has about six tattoos (including a big one on her back) and a belly piercing

wow!yn, has a big playgirl reputation in the industry

wow!yn, has a little sister apart of new jeans (nwjns!yn)

wow!yn, is a introvert

wow!yn, is a 02

wow!yn, when ive first debuted wow!yn was known as the cute girl with the bow

wow!yn, has had a lot of flings but she has had only had four girlfriends (yuna, haewon, isa and winter)

wow!yn, was a fan of iz*one and her bias was chaewon

wow!yn, written a couple songs for other artists such as wicked love by yena

wow!yn, is known for having crazy fangirls who make up half of the fandom and are crazy involved in sales and views and votes for music shows

wow!yn, is known as the nation’s sweetheart (when she is little anything but that)

wow!yn, is known for her cover of 10 minutes by hyori

wow!yn, is literally the queen of fan service if there’s one thing she knows how to do it’s fill her fans delusions

wow!yn, has a sick look to her like she’s ill but for some reason people like it

wow!yn, is probably the most trustworthy person ever but it never looks like that from the outside

wow!yn, and wonyoung like to walk in the rain with no jackets or umbrellas when the weather is nice, its been a tradition for them since ive summer

wow!yn, had been close friends with yujin for a couple of years before debut

wow!yn, met wonyoung through yujin and the wony ended up taking a huge liking towards yn and convinced her to leave yg and move to starship and she’ll guarantee that they’ll be in a group together (yn ended up training at starship for year before debut during iz*ones last year as a group)

wow!yn, has star tattoo on her neck that she let rei do on her when they were trainees

wow!yn, has a lock necklace from rei that she never takes off

wow!yn, and lesseo fight like siblings to the point that people question if they really like each other (they love each other)

wow!yn, loves to make yujin her target when it comes to teasing

wow!yn, doesn’t like crying and has only cried around two of her members liz and wony and her closest friend giselle

wow!yn, likes to go on late night walks alone but wony never lets her go on her own and always ends up walking with her

wow!yn, is the biggest goof unintentionally and always has her members dying of laughter

wow!yn, has the biggest middle school boy humour which is why she’s the top favourite for the younger boy dives because they connect with her the most (one of them told her a your mom joke at a fansign and had yn laughing for a good five mins)

wow!yn, isn’t a bad girlfriend in the many relationships/flings that she has she treats them like royalty which is why they’re always so stuck on her even after she breaks up with them BUT don’t underestimate her because many times after yn finds out how bad her members and even one of her friends ex partners treated them she will go out of her way to get with them and then treat them like actual shit in the relationship maybe even worse then they treated her members/friends (she’ll become the most toxic person to exist)

wow!yn, gets easily flustered by her member wonyoung who takes pride in that since no one ever flusters yn

wow!yn, can play the electric guitar really well

wow!yn, is a comic nerd and has a whole marvel collection even with one signed

[caramelcleopatraa]

iv. SUIT & TIE

word count : 1,400

x : hey y'all, its the owner of The Bank speaking! Finally got this shit finished, and I'm halfway into part 5 already 💋 Here are the playlists loves! I will actively be adding to these as the story progresses. We got ms. plot in the building as well xo

content : Mafia!Roman Reigns x Designer!Reader, suggestive

Playlists 💋 Spotify Apple Music

“Rommannn! Are you done yet baby?” A high pitched yell on the other side of the door startles you. Roman’s grip on you tightens and you give him a confused look. He plants a tender kiss on your cheek, leaving you a little bit flustered, and he smiles at your flustered expression. His hand pushes your head down on his shoulder and you take a deep breath. 

“Yeah. Just be patient, ok?” Roman says sternly. “But Baaeee! You’ve been in there too lon-” “I’m not finna tell you again. Wait,” Roman says, rubbing the back of his neck. Annoyance was written all over his face. De’arra groans in defeat and the comfortable silence settles back into the atmosphere

‘Pleeaase! Please! Pleeaassee! Don’t let this turn into some drama…’

You let your nails drag across his chest. “Am i gon’ have to worry about her fucking up my shop?” 

“Nah, she all bark no bite,” Roman says, looking down at your hands. “She’s not that petty or jealous.” You look at him with your eyebrow raised. ‘For him to be a ladies man, he should know how petty bitches are. ESPECIALLY when it comes to a man.’ “I hope so. I don’t wanna deal with yo’ loose ends,” You say, getting off of him and standing up to pick your bottoms off of the floor. 

“I got my shit together girl. I already told you i’m not fucking with her. She’s only around me cause her daddy likes my money.” ‘Money? Who’s her dad?’

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

“The couples are finished.” Aahkilah yells at you from the otherside of the door. Both of you get dressed and clean up the dressing room. You were about to walk out of the room until Roman grabbed your hand and pulled you closer to him. You were going to question why he pulled you away before his hands rose above your head. His hands firmly smooth down your hair and fixed some stray hairs. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him. He handled you with such care and delicacy. You tell him thank you and he responds with a short hum.

 You open the door to greet your clients. Gio and Madison are working as cashiers, ringing both of them up for their suits and dresses. Jey and Jimmy are putting in their payments while Talia and Trinity are talking. “Girl come over here real quick!” You hear Talia yelling at you to come over. From the tone in her voice, you couldn’t tell what this conversation was going to be about. However, you wouldn’t be in the dark for much longer. “Wassup?”

“Girl you ain’t hear?” Trinity says looking at you with a confused face. You shrug your shoulders and replied, “I be busy. Enlighten me.” “There’s a new family trying to replace the Anoa’i family.” Talia crosses her arms and sits into her hip. The blank expression on your face says everything. The Anoa’i family has been managing Florida for decades. To challenge them would be like walking straight into a turf war. Apparently, someone wanted that war. “They’re offering hella bank tryna take their spot too. I wonder if that shit’s fake… or a bluff maybe.” 

“They’ll take that offer back when they realize who they’re messing with,” You mutter to your friends.  Even your family didn’t dare challenge them, because they’re smart enough to know it’ll go every other way but good. Your family, the Semele’s and the Anoa’i family have always been on good terms. The Semele’s don’t own turf however, they are known for having access to a lot of things most mafia’s don't. Your family is known for being suppliers of information, stolen goods, weapons, you name it. So if Reigns is being threatened, that means you could be in trouble too, since everyone knows these two families are tightly tied together. A power duo, if you will. 

“You’re not worried about this?” Trinity’s face is laced with concern for you. You shrugged your shoulders and rolled your eyes. “This could just be a scare tactic, and those don’t work on me,” You said confidently as you gave them a reassuring smile. 

“That’s not something for a pretty lady to worry about. I’ll handle it,” Roman says, looking straight into your eyes. Goddamnit, those eyes. Somehow they made you so flustered. His presence was enough on its own, but his stare was so damn powerful. You were ashamed that someone you had only met an hour ago was making you so giddy and out of character. The tension between you two was thick, and everyone was starting to see it. “You gon’ let me handle it?”

“Well you're not gonna let me handle it?”

“It’s not your problem,” Roman says sternly, deading the conversation then and there. You walk closer to the cashier desk to talk to him directly. “Is this your way of caring for me?” Roman smirks at your comment. “When I said I'd take care of you, I wasn't just talking about that pussy.” Gio and Madison’s jaws drop at his comment. You could see them looking at you through the corner of your eye and you knew you would have to explain what he meant by that. You couldn't hide the smile forming on your face. “You like that?” You didn’t even have to look at him to know that he was smiling. You could hear it all in his tone. “Boy, I’m not playing with you,” you say, walking away, still wearing an existing smile. Roman laughs to himself and hands Gio a stack of cash.

“Neither am I.”

You finished another successful busy day. A shit load of fittings and pickups. Roman had someone pick up all of their suits and dresses, which completed all of your custom orders for the day. Finally, a chance to get off of your feet.

“Ummm what the hell was that this morning?” ‘Ahh shit’. You internally roll your eyes. Eventually, they were gonna bring it up to you. Maybe trying to play dumb was not the best decision on your part.

“What was what?” You innocently bat your eyes at the two ladies. “The smile off you had with your private client. Don’t tell me something went down after I dropped off your drink,” Madison says, sitting down in the swivel chair next to you. You almost muttered a snarky comeback when you were hit with flashbacks from this morning. How he spoke to you and how he touched you kept replaying in your mind. A pool between your legs was forming just from the thought of him. 

“Oh he definitely put it down.” You are quick to defend yourself just as Gio says, “You’re over here in lala land! And at your job too!” Gio acts shocked and puts her hand over her heart and lets out an exaggerated gasp. You hit her in the side and shy away from their investigating eyes. The deafening silence was telling the truth for you. 

“Well we didn’t fuck.. But he did eat my pussy,” you shyly said, still looking away from them. You didn’t have to look at them to know that their mouths were wide open again. What you didn’t know was those open mouths turned into wide smiles. “Ok! Ms. CEO gettin some head! Was it good?”

‘WAS IT GOOD? GOOD’S AN INSULT’ “Um…” 

Before you finished your sentence, Madison interjects with, “Musta been, you looked like you were in a good mood today too. Especially after Roman’s fitting” You regrettably looked back in their direction and saw Madison wiggling her eyebrows. You lightly shove her away from you and stand up. “No, the fitting went well with no complications. That's what I was happy about.” You attempt to defend yourself, but you should’ve known that it was falling on deaf ears. Madison and Gio help you close down and lock up the shop. Of course, Madison had to tell you her two cents before going your separate ways. 

“Look at you smilin-”

“Shut up.”

Welcome to your new addiction

Hi guys, back with part 4 and the playlist that you guys wanted. As always comment and tell me what you think <3

🏷️ tags :) @2-muchsauce @theninthwonder @harmshake @alichesmi @thesamoanqueen @alyyaanna @empressdede @badbitchcentralinc @christinabae @fame-ass-ers @southerngirl41

[kristlewrites]

“Baby I’m ready for take off”

CW: Cock Warming ,Chest Riding, Fluff(?), Poorly written smut, comfort(?) nicknames ( ma, mamas, papa, and baby)

PAIRING: Connie x Black!FemReader

WC: 0.9k

🫧🗯️: Test run post! Don’t judge🤒 ALSO! first time writing smut so if it’s bad i’m sorry, it’ll probably remain like that for a minute…(title is from a wayv song.. doesn’t have to do anything with the fic🪦🪦)

MINORS DNI

(take off!)

It's been a long day, long week even. School has been beating your ass with essays and finals..this was your only chance to relax. You enter connie's apartment around 6 pm, he wasn't there because he's also been busy but not with school. The team made it to regionals and the coach has been working the team the bone with drills everyday.

     You use your key that he lent to you and make yourself at home, he lived off campus. You make your way into the shower and clean yourself up real quick and change into his pajamas, although a lot of your clothes is in his room, hell ! you even have your own drawer! But you love the way his clothes feels on you and his scent makes you feel safe. You were absolutely starving by the time you got dressed and decided to go order some food, wing-stop you finally decide you got yourself a 12 pc hot and lemon pepper with a side of fries and A sprite. When the food came around it was almost eight and Connie should be on his way home.

   After you finished eating you cleaned up super quick and went to bed, connie showed up about an hour later. He knew you were here but seeing you in his sheets and pjs made his heart falter. He went in the shower quickly and joined you in bed. He tried his best not to make any noise but regardless you still woke up 

    "Sorry ma, didn't mean to wake you up"

    he said so gentle, 

      "how are you? I'm sorry I came home late.. i didn't expect coach to keep us so long"

   he caressed your cheeks trying to get you back to sleep. You looked up at his beautiful freckled face, you missed him so much you guys havent been able to see each other at all this week with being so occupied with your own personal activities and affairs. Small tears stream from your eyes, he wipes them away with such care and delicacy.

   "I know, I know ive missed you too, baby"

    You turn towards to him and indulge into his chest , he's not wearing a shirt which is normal since he gets really sweaty at night (😭😭🪦🪦🪦) you start talking about the events that happened that week, how your essay went, how you absolutely failed your stats test, new books you bought, girl drama, and how stressful it's been for you. He nods occasionally and throws in a couple of "mhms" to let yk that he's still listening. This goes on for about an hour and at this point you're just rambling, but connie understands how much you love to talk and let's you continue without complaint, that is until you ask him about his week and what he's done. 

   At this point he's practically knocked out. 

   "Hah, What was that baby what did you say??" he said a little bit groggy

   You repeat your question, but while you do you see that he's HARD??? No way this man was hard from just hearing you talk.But then he must've been backed up from this whole week because of how rarely he saw you or had anytime for himself. When you think about it has been a while since y'all had sex, because of how seldom it's been to even talk to him on the phone 

   "Hey con.. You're hard, how long has it been?" you ask while playing with his nipples. (🪦🪦🪦)

   "Baby you don't even understand how much i've missed you..c'mere" He pulls you closer to his penis.

  Slowly he removes his pants and boxers, revealing his hard leaking cock.. good lord it was so much prettier than you remember. You slowly enter his dick into your hole, surprised by how wet you were.

   "Be careful mamas I could jizz into you at any point" you laughed at his choice of words, it was clear that he hasn't been relived in awhile..and while you were also tired doesn't mean you could at least help him out!!?? and you were on the pill so that should count for something..right??? Continuing you grab ahold of his tip and insert it, until fully seethed into your pussy. It felt so good, you grabbed his hand and placed it on your stomach showing him where his dick is. That really pushed him over and sprayed your pussy through and through. your poor baby he was so sensitive. You guys stayed like that until morning.

   Waking up, you find yourself looking at connie sleeping so soundly and peacefully. You reach for your phone but feel restricted once you've realized the man got a whole ass dick in you. omggg

  "Baby wake up" you whisper yell, tapping his chest. you roam your fingers on along his abs, a few seconds later connie shifts a little bit to remove his cock from you and lifts you up and places you down on his chest. This all happens so quick that u immediately shiver, with your wet slicky pussy on top of his chest he begins move you up and down while his dick teases at your ass crack. Your nails dig into his abdomen while you grind your silky pussy over his abs. Connie's hands take pleasure in your tits while they bounce up and down, twisting and turning you nipples putting you into over drive. Your cum glazes over his abs, you panting hard. First thing in the morning... You rest your head on his chest finding his heart beat while he rubs your head calming you down. 

   "I love you ma" he whispers, he feels your smile into his chest and laughs a bit. He raises your head, "did you hear what I said?" He leans in for a kiss and you return it. "I love you too papa"

(Think of this as a soft launch ijbol)🫧🗯️

[bronze-and-silver-keys]

HELLO!!! IFUCKCIFNH LOVE THIS AU SO MUCH AND IVE LOVEDD SEEING ALL THE ARY AND WRITING, ITS REALLY COOL!!! ur art makes me want to eat it alive omgwhwh. im almost certain im gonna be fixated on this au for a while LMAOO.

just wondering if u have any ideas with the sdr2 cast and their ghosts out of curiosity? IF NOT THATS TOTALLY FINE!! written or drawn, idm!

HOPE YOU ARE WELL RAAGGHHH UR ART IS SOOSOSOS COOL 🫶‼️

HI I LOVE YOU i love it when people are super enthusiastic. You share my brainrot. Welcome.

I have a few headcanons for most of the SDR2 ghosts!

Spoilers for SDR2

So overall i like to think that the ghosts in SDR2 are more like spectators. Like in certain Minecraft minigames where, when you die, you get put in spectator mode. So they're not actually brain dead, their physical avatars have just been deleted and they were forced to switch game modes, if that makes sense. It would be a failsafe in the NWP if any of the participants were to get hurt or die.

Appearance-wise, all of the ghosts look normal but have additional wounds based on how they died. But there are a couple fun things for some of them:

That's why Chiaki can see them! She's an observer for the NWP, so she has to be able to monitor all of the participants, alive or dead.

They all usually walk around like normal, but sometimes if they're feeling silly they float like they're in water.

Terteru got deep fried, so his hair would have that breading and would always be very toasty to be around. (I have another ask about his appearance that I'll do a drawing for :3)

Nekomaru appears as his human self with a burn scar across his chest.

Ibuki’s head comes off and she tosses it around sometimes for fun.

Nagito is just drenched in blood. Hands, arms, stomach, legs, mouth. Bro is pink.

Chiaki doesn't exactly have a ghost in the same way the others do. Her program essentially gets deleted and tries to reboot itself, because we see her after her execution in canon. Until the point she talks to Hajime alone, her avatar is glitched out.

During the 6th trial, when Hajime is having a breakdown after being told he's Izuru and dealing with that, Chiaki is able to pull him out of his physical avatar to talk to her in the programs version of limbo, before being able to send him back.

I really like doing the ghost au with sdr2 because it differs from the other games, being a simulation, and you can do a lot of fun technological stuff with it.

[lanas-delight]

from across the room.

♫ rec: about you by the 1975

✰ an enhypen scenario || gen!reader x jake

✰ description — a disastrous break up, raging arguments, fading love, and what could’ve been.

✰ warnings — language, arguments, mention and accusations of cheating, and a LOT of angst.

✰ note — u guys dont know me yet but i have been told im a mastermind when it comes to writing angst 😍 (ive js made my friends cry with what ive written before lolz) anyways enjoy! 🤭😅

Relationships never lasted with you. It was never your fault exactly, it was either them not being ready for it or just plainly doing you dirty, but you always moved on. It never phased you much, any of it, though that was because all of those people before weren’t him.

His name was Jake. You met him exactly two years and 23 days ago. Your two year anniversary was 18 days ago. You loved him, and he loved you. Everything was good. You were already living together, which happened about seven months ago, but there hasn’t been any issues. Everything was good—until it wasn’t.

“You’re kidding.”

“I wish I was,” Jake huffs, falling back onto the shared bed of yours. “Trust me, I hate it just as much as you do, maybe more,” he was referring to the business trip he was being forced to go on for a few days. He leaves tomorrow, and he hated that he would have to leave you again. This wasn’t the first business trip he’s ever been on, especially lately. He had gone on seven the last two months alone. You kept count.

"When will you be back?"

"Saturday?" He sounded unsure. "I'll call you once we get there, though," and he sat on the bed, putting on his shoes and tying the laces before continuing to pack his suitcase. You didn't say a word, only sat beside his suitcase and in hopes to reassure you, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to your cheek. You, however, just sighed and looked over at his direction, your eyes avoiding his, earning a puppy-like look from him. "What?"

"You sure have gone on a lot of trips lately," you remark, though quietly. He stares at you as you continue, "I'm worried, Jake."

"About?"

A sudden twist in your stomach, you felt sick. "Nevermind, I'll sound stupid," but he sits with you, worried and concerned terribly.

"No, what is it?"

You sighed again.

"Talk to me, Y/N."

"Are you having an affair?"

Jake laughed. He laughed. "What?" He scoffed, "Why would I ever cheat on you? Are you insane?" Such a kind thing to say to your partner, but he took it back instantly. "I'm sorry. That wasn't nice. It's really just a business trip, Y/N," he tells you, "I only love you."

"But how can I trust you?" You stood up, apart from him as he watched you with furrowed brows. "You've gone on so many, so often, you—You barely call when you're gone. How am I supposed to be sure you're not in bed with someone else?"

"Y/N," he shook his head, "If you don't have trust, we—"

"We have nothing, right?" And you turned, "Nothing new," You then walked off but he followed you into the kitchen, his packing coming to a sudden halt as he tried to make things right with you before he would leave. You grabbed some of the dishes and started to hand-wash them, while he stood near you and tried to reason with you.

"You're being ridiculous," he tells you, a bit rudely, "Why won't you listen to me?" But you ignore him. "Y/N, please. I don't want to leave with us like this. I love you—"

"Then prove it," You turned to him suddenly, "Prove that you love me, because you don't. You sleep in our bed for a couple nights then you're off on another trip. You kiss me but there's no love. There's nothing. There's . . ." You sighed, "There's nothing between us anymore. Because of you."

Jake took a step back. "Y/N, what are you saying?"

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and looked through your photos, showing him a screenshot you had taken off of Jake's phone. Messages with a girl who you didn't recognize, but when you messaged the girl, she swore they were just friends, that she had a boyfriend. But even that won't stop a girl sometimes. You didn't know how to feel, you weren't even sure if the messages had the intent of an affair. It was innocent chatting, you thought, but the fact he couldn't bring himself to look you in the eyes then made you realize the truth. It wasn't innocent. It wasn't a surprise either.

"I don't know why you talk to her, tell her everything while you tell me nothing, but if she's what you want, then she can have you." You threw a pot down in the sink, creating a loud noise to echo through the kitchen and the rest of the apartment as you stormed out, grabbed your coat and slid on your uggs. "I'm going to F/N's," you say, seeing him appear in the hallway behind you. "Goodnight, Jake." The door slammed behind you and you left, leaving the love you had once for him behind.

He called twice, left a voicemail, and sent over 30 messages, explaining everything. He didn't have feelings for that other girl, though he didn't give you any reason to think otherwise so you left that night. You didn't want anything to do with him. Genuinely, you didn't. You didn't know if he had actually cheated, though he claimed he didn't and that he would never do that to you, but he opened up to that girl about things you never even knew an ounce about.

She did have a boyfriend, but it wasn't until a week later that she texted you, telling you that she did like your boyfriend, which caused her own boyfriend to dump her. It wasn't surprising to you at all.

You had been staying at your friend's house for the last week, so when you finally called him back, you only asked him if he had any feelings for that girl. He didn't say anything. He hesitated, but he said no. However, that wasn't enough for you. You hung up on him and texted him that you were through. You asked him to have his stuff out of your apartment by next Friday, which he agreed to.

But on that Friday, when he was taking the last of his stuff, he stopped and looked at you coldly, unsure what to say but spoke anyways. His voice deep and hurt, just like his heart, just like yours.

"You didn't fight for us," he told you, "You didn't even care to listen to what I had to say. You leave every time it gets hard, you blame me for everything I do, but what am I supposed to do when you won't even hear me out, Y/N?"

"I don't know," You stared back at him with crossed arms, "Maybe don't cheat on me?" You scoffed, but he couldn't believe you.

"Why do you have to brush me aside like that?" Jake questioned, "You never listened to me. Have you even considered the possibility that I didn't open up to you because you didn't give me the chance to?"

You unfolded your arms, but you took his words the wrong way. "Are you implying I made you cheat on me?"

But that enraged him. "I didn't cheat on you, Y/N!" He raises his voice, throwing his hands in the air defensively, "I talked to who I thought was my friend, about personal stuff because I couldn't bring myself to talk to you about it, so instead of just trusting me to tell you on my own, you go through my phone and accuse me of cheating on you."

"You hesitated," you threw it back in his face, "When I asked you if you liked her, you hesitated before saying no. You had to think about whether or not you liked another girl while you were with me. Do you not realize how pathetic that made me feel?"

"Do you not realize how pathetic you've made me feel?" Jake remarks, tears in his eyes, mirroring yours, "I'm the bad guy in every part of this story, Y/N, because you won't even give me the chance to explain myself. You keep dismissing me and ignoring me, but why won't you listen to me? I love you with all I have, Y/N."

But you wiped your tears, sniffling. "I never want to see you again."

His eyes grew wide, but he didn't fight against it. He grabbed the last of his stuff and left without another word spoken between you both.

There was a party. You didn't know anyone but your best friend, but as she had gone off with her boyfriend, you were now alone, sitting on the couch, drinking liquor out of some plastic cup. You wore a red dress, made of satin, with heels that weren't too high that your ankles wanted to break but not too flat that made you appear too different from everyone else. You didn't want to be different, easy to single out. You wanted to fit in, just like everyone else. But you weren't like everyone else. That was clear the moment he saw you.

The room was crowded. You could barely see over dozens of people piled into one room. Music blaring, dim lights as one of your favorite songs started to play. People were dancing, people were drinking, having a good time like there was no tomorrow. And there he was, standing by the wall. You could see him through the small spaces between people. His eyes were glued to his phone screen for a fleeting moment, one that felt a little too long until he suddenly met eyes with you and in response, you smiled at him from across the room, while your heart jumped out of your chest and you had never felt more noticed in your life.

He approached you soon enough, breaking the awkwardness with a little joke before he sat beside you and started an easy-going conversation with you about what you did for work, what he did for work, etc. The night ended with a lightly-sober kiss between you both, where he said something so beautiful to you that you swore it was engraved into you. He said, "You are so pretty when you smile, but when it was just at me, like I was the only person in that crowded room, I knew it was you that I'm going to fall for." Five days later, after a couple of sober dates, he was your boyfriend. And for two years, you promised yourself that he was the one. Until he wasn't.

You had a dream once, that you married Jake and had a family with him. You had a couple of dogs, ones he and the kids all named like Scout, Georgie, and Layla the 2nd. You had your dream job, as did he, and you were just so happy with him and the kids. He had built you your dream house, with a concrete pool and a beautiful backyard that the kids would run all over in with the dogs. He had always promised you that he would anything for you—build you a house, give you the family you wanted, be the husband you needed. You loved him with your entire being, and he felt the same way about you.

But it had been five years since the break up. You haven't heard from him in at least four years, and the last thing you were told, he was engaged to some new girl and was moving back to Australia after the wedding.

You had met someone else, too. You had only been dating for a few months now, nothing too serious just yet, but you were just getting used to being in a relationship again. You were taking it slow, not wanting to rush anything.

You didn't have feelings for Jake anymore. You haven't loved him in years. But there's a part of that wishes that fate would lead you back into each other's lives, single and open for a second chance. But that was never going to happen. You were never going to be the one he stares at from across the room, where you smile at him and start the love that should have lasted forever, but it never stood a chance. You had moved on, and so has he. The memories of what love gave you both lingers in your eyes, your mind, and for the rest of your life, you'll know that it just wasn't meant to be. From across the room, you'll stay, and regret ever smiling at him for he became the love of your life, just as quickly as you left him. It was over. But you were okay.

You had to be.

———————————————————————————————

A/N - sorry guys i felt like hurting feelings today mb

[elumish]

What Medical Stuff Feels Like (Scans and Stuff)

Content warning for general medical stuff, mention of IVs.

Also strong caveat that all of this is exactly one person's experience (mine) and so 1) may not be what you experience, 2) may not match up with other descriptions you've read, and 3) is not being written by a medical professional.

Ultrasound: For an ultrasound, they take an ultrasound wand (a one-handed thing with a smooth end and a wire attaching it to a machine), stick a bunch of goo on it, and then press it to whatever they're looking at and then have the machine collect images. The goo is usually cold, and they will usually apologize for it.

All of my experiences with this have been below the neck and above the pelvis. Depending on where they're pressing, it can hurt quite a bit--imagine having someone press something hard into your breast tissue or your ribs. How much it hurts definitely depends on what they're pressing on--things like the sternum and ribs hurt a lot more than places with a lot of fatty tissue.

You may or may not be shirtless for this--it depends on what they're looking for. For breast tissue or things in that range, you're generally in a patient shirt that you have either open over one breast or over both, and the other will sometimes be covered with a towel. For the rest of the abdomen, I've done it with my shirt pulled up and my pants down low enough for them to get to everything.

Once you're done, you wipe the goo off, but it also doesn't stain clothing (at least from my experience) and it doesn't irritate my skin. it just feels kind of weird.

I had to fast before an abdminal ultrasound but not a breast ultrasound, so it really depends.

My extremely hot take is that getting an abdominal ultrasound is my least favorite form of scan.

Echocardiogram: This is basically an ultrasound of your heart. That means the focus is on your left breast area, and if you have a lot of breast tissue, it means the tech is going to be awkwardly maneuvering it around/pressing on it pretty hard to get to the heart. I've had these twice--once, the tech was with a couple of doctors (or other techs? it's been like 8 years since then) and they were all making comments that I didn't understand about various parts of my heart. The second time, it was just the tech, and we occasionally made awkward small talk while he mashed an ultrasound wand into my breast.

Both of my echocardiogram techs have been men, and I will say that this is basically the least sexual experience you can have with a man while shirtless having them touch your breast. I think basically everywhere in the US you should be able to have an advocate in there with you, but I've never personally felt uncomfortable re: the shirtless in front of a male tech situation.

3D ultrasound: I once described a 3D ultrasound as if a dentist lamp was also a scanner and hated you. At least from the ones that I've experienced, they're essentially this weird giant thing that looks a lot like a dentist light on one of those moveable arms, and they cover everything with goo and then squish it against what they're taking scans of and then take the scans. It's less targeted than handheld ultrasounds but can get larger areas. I think there are also live 3D ultrasounds for things like pregnancy but I've never had that.

MRI: My favorite of the scans (unironically). For an MRI, you basically lie on a slab in a giant tube that makes horrible clanking noises for 45 minutes to an hour. Because they work using magnets, you can't have metal in or on you, so you have to take off all jewelry, earrings, etc. and then they ask a gazillion questions beforehand to make sure that there's nothing the magnets will disrupt (e.g., pacemaker) or will pull on (e.g., magnetic eyelashes). Twice, they had me change at least partially out of my street clothes; the last time I did it in my street clothes minus my bra, which felt vaguely illegal.

It's decently cold, so they generally offer a warmed blanket. At least for MRIs of the abdomen, there is a heavy thing that gets draped over your abdomen to basically make it pick up the images there (I don't really know how that works). To me, it feels kind of like a weighted blanket.

All of my MRIs have been since COVID started, though the first one was pre-masking; I wore a KN-95 in the MRI for my last one and had no issues re: the magnet.

Once you go in the tube, you basically just have to lie still for as long as the MRI goes. They will ask you if you are claustrophobic beforehand. It doesn't set of my claustrophia, but I imagine it happens a lot. They stick a ball in your hand for you to squeeze as basically an emergency stop/to notify them that you need out before it's done. They're also really bright, and at least from my experience, sometimes the paint is peeling a little. That doesn't matter, other than as something to stare at.

There are also headphones so they can give you instructions. For two of the three MRIs, they also played music (I listed to Taylor Swift for the last one). The headphones are kind of noise canceling, but nothing can block out the clanking, of which there is a lot, of various types, very loudly. The instructions will vary; one of the things they have you do for abdominal MRIs is hold your breath out, which feels very weird and is actually surprisingly hard--basically instead of inhaling and holding your breath, you exhale and then don't breathe back in until they tell you to. I can never hold it for as long as they say to, but it's never been an issue (at least as far as they've told me).

For some MRIs, they use contrast. Generally (maybe always?) they say that it's "with and without contrast" which means that they do the majority of it without contrast, and then they put the contrast in and take some more images. To get contrast, you need an IV, which they put in before you get in the machine. They attach the IV to a coil-y tube, which extends when you get moved into the machine. They generally hook it around your hand so it stays in place/doesn't pull against the IV site.

Contrast feels very weird. Someone mentioned this in one of the reblogs for the stabby stuff post, but basically it gets processed by your body really quickly so it goes to your bladder really quickly and also feels warm so it sort of feels like you've wet yourself. They warn you before they put it in.

Unironically, I find MRIs kind of relaxing, because you just lie still for like an hour under a weighted blanket. 4/10 would pick over the other options.

I have had a CT scan done but don't really remember it so would love someone to weigh in on those.

[yeowangies]

dangerous - chapter IV

❧

Chapter I I Chapter II I Chapter III | Chapter IV: New Routine

PAIRING: Vegeta/Reader RATING: Explicit CONTENTS: Explicit sexual content, Canon typical violence WORDCOUNT: 4327

Summary:

You missed connecting with other people, other humans, so much it hurt. You missed your parents, your friends, your pet; you missed sleeping on your own bed, that was ten times more comfortable than the mattress you had in that room in Frieza’s palace. You even missed sparring with someone who you knew could give you a good punch but would still worry about your well being afterwards.

Training. That’s what you needed then. To let out some emotions.

Notes: Hello! It's been a while since I updated this fic, but it's been on my mind for a while. I have the outline of it written down, so I hope I can release a new chapter fairly often? And since this is a work in progress, I hope you can bear with me if there are any inconsistencies 😭 This story has a point, and I know where I wanna go, so please be patient!

I'm surprised of how popular this fic is among all my fics, and it remained the one with the most hits on AO3 until recently, so I hope yall stay with me until the end 💕

Vegeta was not the same man he was years back. Having destroyed planet after planet without actually meeting someone who could match him in strength had led him to a certain feeling of boredom and numbness that had engraved into his soul. 

For all purposes, he was still the same, however. He was still working under Frieza, with a silly plot in mind to overthrow him someday, but at the same time knowing he wasn’t nearly strong enough to do it. His bloodlust had decreased along with his interest in purging planets, but it changed nothing because that was still his job in the Frieza Force. He trained whenever he was staying on-planet, in between missions, like he always did. 

That loop he was trapped in made him wonder over the years if the time when he could overthrow Frieza would ever come. Vegeta had calculated how much stronger he needed to be to defeat him, but it seemed unreachable. Especially if his sparring partners were Nappa and Raditz, who were still incredibly inferior to him. 

At least, you showing up in his life had been a pleasant surprise. 

Your presence hardly changed anything. It’s not like you had some hidden power that would prove to challenge his own strength. You didn’t have any information regarding the legend of the Super Saiyan; you weren’t even a Saiyan, though your species resembled them physically, but only physically. Every time Vegeta touched you, he got the feeling you might bruise. 

And you did bruise, especially the first few times he had lay with you. Vegeta was restraining himself whenever he shared a bed with you, but in retrospect, he probably wasn’t doing that much the first couple of times. He had a lot of pent up energy, anger and lust for things he couldn’t have, and it didn’t help the way you enticed him. It was a strange feeling that invaded him when he noticed the marks he’d left on you, almost like he felt bad. Almost. In any case, you seemed to like whenever he hurt you, though. 

What would such a feeble being mean to him, though?

Vegeta didn’t really understand the feeling that invaded him as he got to spend more and more time alone with you. It was pleasant, that much he could tell, even the words he exchanged with you before and after sex. He had never entertained himself with any feeling that made him feel ‘warm’ like then. Violence and battle had never awoken something like this in him. 

He felt vulnerable. 

Which was stupid, because who could hurt him? You? Certainly not. Your power level was puny, even when you claimed not to be as weak as you looked. He could kill you with a finger if he so desired. 

That was what was scary, though. He didn’t want to kill you. 

Maybe not yet. Vegeta told himself that he didn’t want to kill you yet. You were a good lay and a nice distraction from the stress and ire he had whenever he was alone, or surrounded by his subordinates. He had spent over thirty years under Frieza’s wings and he was nowhere near as strong as he was, and your presence made everything else fade to nothing. 

Even through all that, he sometimes still didn’t understand you. 

“Vegeta, how old are you?” You asked him, as you lied beside him.

It had been a few minutes since you both had reached your peaks (you had gotten there twice, and he was proud that he knew your body so well, he could make you orgasm with simply his fingers), and you were still trying to catch your breath when you turned your face to look at him. You stared at him too often, and he felt bothered by it at times.

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because I’m curious?” Vegeta quirked an eyebrow in your direction, and you rolled your eyes. “I just want to know if I’m sleeping with a 100 year old man, or if it’s someone younger. Am I not allowed to know?”

“Do I really look like an old man?” He chuckled.

“Well, no. But I mean, I know a lot of species that don’t age, so I wouldn’t know.”

“Saiyans don’t reach adulthood until they reach their fifties. I will still look like this for a couple of decades.”

“Oh…” You remained silent for a few seconds before repeating your original question. “So, how old?”

“I’m thirty two.” Vegeta said, at last. The wide smile on your face made him frown. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m twenty nine.”

“So?”

“So I’m glad I’m younger.”

Vegeta didn’t understand you at all, most of the time. 

When you carefully nuzzled closer, and trailed a hand down his abdomen, he did understand that. He kept his eyes on your face, staring at you with desire as you wrapped your hand around his erection. It had only taken him a minute for his cock to stir back to life after he had already spent his load; it was something that happened all the time when you were around. 

Vegeta kept his eyes open even when you leaned to chastely kiss his lips before trailing lower down his neck and chest, slowly moving your hand over his length. He tried to keep his gaze on you when you licked up the underside of his dick, staring right back at him as you kittenishly lapped at the head. When your lips wrapped around his cock, Vegeta couldn’t focus on anything else, except the sensation of your warm mouth as it engulfed him entirely, almost like it was easy, like it belonged there. 

He remembered the initial small fear the first time you put your lips on him. Not that you could ever really hurt him. But after he had given in that time, he couldn’t get enough. At least he never had to ask, or worse, beg, for you to use your mouth on him; you seemed more than eager and willing to pleasure him.

Shame on him. He had actually given you power over his body. 

But Vegeta couldn’t care less in that moment, when you were bobbing your head up and down, humming contently as the tip of his cock grazed the back of your throat. He groaned, hips jerking upwards, seeking more of that wet heat. You gazed at him through glossy eyes as you sped up your moves, trying to hold him inside for longer, as the muscles in his abdomen tensed.

The heat inside him unraveled, making him growl as he spilled cum down your throat, feeling the intense burn of release pulsing through his veins. You swallowed all of it, and he heard you gag around a mouthful of cum as you slowly pulled back, pumping his cock with your hand to help him ride out his orgasm. He opened his eyes to look at you then, sporting a playful smile as you licked your lips clean of every drop that might have been there as you crawled back over him. 

You let go of his length to wrap your arms around his neck as you kissed him, nice and slow. Vegeta returned the affection, wrapping his arms loosely around your waist. He had gotten used to ‘kissing’ after the first few times he had sex with you, even when he had rarely done that with whoever he had fucked before. But you seemed eager to do it every time, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it. 

Your heartbeat was going fast again, he could feel it when you pressed closer to him. You had told him it had nothing to do with fear, something he had associated with it before. Seemed like your heart was always beating that fast every time you were with him. He wondered why, what kind of emotion provoked that in you?

It must have been something good, as it did not slow down when he reached your entrance with his fingers. He was pleased to know that you were still wet, obviously from sucking him off, but also due to the previous load he had spilled inside you the first round, his cum and your slick mixing in and making it so much better for him to slide in again. 

Vegeta had not expected your brash and lewd attitude to be so attractive. 

If he had to be honest, he hadn’t had sex as often as his two henchmen probably had. He wasn’t as experienced, but it’s not like he knew nothing. However, he wondered how much he did not know when you were with him. You hadn’t mentioned his lack of experience at all, he tried his best to hide it and so far, you seemed unaware of it. But the things you did to him sometimes left him wondering how many things could be done in intimacy. 

The first time you gave him oral sex, it intrigued him, but when you had taught him something called sixty nine, it fascinated him. And apparently sex wasn’t exclusively reserved for the bedroom. He knew that, but doing it in the shower had been pleasant. 

Vegeta didn’t dwell on anything when he pushed his cock inside you, grunting against your lips as you started rocking your hips. He was overwhelmed, not only by how tight and warm and wet you were; your sweet scent invaded his nose, making him feel drowsy, and your moans were music to his ears, and even his name sounded so honeyed every time it spilled from your lips. It was like being in a haze, drowning in bliss, as he came inside you, holding tightly onto your hips, afraid you might disappear. 

You were exhausted afterwards, and fell asleep minutes later. 

Vegeta took that opportunity to leave. Most of the time he usually waited for you to fall into a deep slumber before taking off. He never spent the night. He already felt weak for having sex with a human more than a handful of times, but it was difficult sometimes to leave that warm bed of yours at times. 

He was getting softer. He was aware, and he had no one to blame but himself. You had given him a small sense of purpose, but it was frail. He only liked to fuck you, what good would that do to him? 

Grumbling in annoyance, Vegeta gathered his clothes, putting them on before leaving your bedroom.

*

You were used to waking up alone the morning after having sex with Vegeta. You were used to it, but it didn’t make you feel any less used. You could understand why he wouldn’t spend the night, but you were still human enough, and not sleeping together at least once made you feel disposable.

Whatever. Vegeta wasn’t your boyfriend. 

Running your hands through your hair, you took a shower, getting rids of the remains of your activities from the night before. 

It had already been almost two months since you got back to planet Frieza 80 (was it 80? 81? You weren’t sure). Over three months since you met Vegeta, Raditz and Nappa. Vegeta kept showing up at your door occasionally. More often than not, actually. It surprised you; it had been a shock the second time he knocked your door when you were on that spaceship months ago, it was still a surprise that he actively had been visiting you even after that mission was over. He didn’t show up every night, but he did it so often, he might as well have. The only time he didn’t were a few weeks in between when he had been on a mission God knows where along with Nappa.

You tried to keep a lot of your emotions in check frequently, but seeing Vegeta intimately so often made it difficult. You knew he wasn’t close to being emotionally invested in you, he showed it every time you interacted with him outside the bedroom; he treated you like he treated everyone else, like shit. But his ability to be somehow soft with you in private confused you. He obviously just wanted to get laid, as much as you did. 

You were just lonely. 

It had nothing to do with Vegeta or anyone else. You simply missed being in contact with someone who had the emotional depth of an actual sentient being, and not just slaves of Frieza’s army. You couldn’t blame anyone; being under a tyrannical reign would make you distrust your own shadow, it was only natural no one revealed anything about themselves to anyone else. It was a miracle the three remaining Saiyans even trusted each other. 

And if you were honest with yourself, as much as you liked Vegeta, you weren’t sure if you trusted him at all. Sex meant vulnerability, but you couldn’t show it with someone you knew was always on guard, even when you were being intimate. 

You felt like you were turning into one of those soldiers without emotional depth.

You tried not to tear up as you put on your clothes after your shower. You missed connecting with other people, other humans, so much it hurt. You missed your parents, your friends, your pet; you missed sleeping on your own bed, that was ten times more comfortable than the mattress you had in that room in Frieza’s palace. You even missed sparring with someone who you knew could give you a good punch but would still worry about your well being afterwards.

Training. That’s what you needed then. To let out some emotions. 

The training rooms used by the Saiyans were reserved for only them, and other high ranking officers that might want to use it, but you knew Vegeta was the one who visited it the most (you had to repair it often because of him). You also knew he wasn’t going to be there so early after spending the night with you, so after grabbing something quick to eat, you headed to the training room. 

You didn’t expect to see Raditz there, however. 

“Hey, doll,” He greeted you with a grin, and you rolled your eyes. He kept calling you that and it just stuck. “What brought you here?”

You stared at him for a long minute; he had been training too, wearing only his trunks and boots as sweat ran down his body and settled in places that made you want to look at him for longer than what should be allowed. 

“I wanted to warm up a bit,” You averted your eyes quickly, focusing on the wall behind him. “But if you’re using the room, I’ll come back later.”

“Warm up, huh?” Raditz asked, obviously mocking you by the way he was smiling. “I want to see what you got.”

“You wanna spar with me?” You blinked, confused. 

“Yeah, or am I too much for you, human?”

He was provoking you, you knew it, but it was working. Your power wasn’t low, but you weren’t sure if you could actually match Raditz in a one on one battle. But this could be a good way to find out. His power was the lowest among the three Saiyans and he had been the nicest to you, so maybe he wouldn’t kill you if your power proved to be puny compared to his. 

“Alright, I’m game.” 

“Sweet!”

You took a step back to get rid of your armor, and you felt his eyes scanning your body as you adjusted your skin tight suit. He and Nappa never stopped leering at you any chance they got, and every time you had to remind yourself it had to do with the fact that you looked a lot like a Saiyan. They only seemed to like it more when you tell them to stop anyway. 

Raditz changed the gleam in his eyes when you faced him; he obviously didn’t see you as a threat, if anything he seemed to be mocking you by daring you to fight him. 

You launched at him, and he saw it coming easily, no matter how fast you were, grabbing your fist with one hand when you aimed it at his face, then grabbing your leg when you tried to kick him in the face again. And so on and so on with any physical attack you tried to pull off. 

Raditz didn’t even flinch with any attempt you made at connecting with him, and it was starting to piss you off. You were only just getting started, but he obviously wasn’t taking you seriously, remaining on his spot with a smirk as you tried to actually deck him. 

There was no point in holding back if that was how it was going to be. 

Taking a few steps back, you threw yourself at Raditz, aiming to hit him in the chest with your feet. You barely touched him when he grabbed your legs with both hands, a wide smirk on his face, and you couldn’t help but smile back as you got your hands up in his face, firing a ki blast in a split second that made him stumble back. He groaned loudly, the grip he had on you loosening, giving you the chance to actually kick him in the face this time, and swiftly wrapping your legs around his neck to throw him to the ground. 

A loud thud echoed in the room when his body hit the floor, and you stared down at him with amusement. 

“Fuck!” Raditz grunted, a few drops of blood dripping from his nose as he pulled his hands towards his face. 

“You could have easily avoided all those attacks if you had taken me seriously from the beginning.”

You took a step back as Raditz stood up again, smirking as he wiped the blood off his face. 

“I won’t make the same mistake again.”

And he didn’t. 

You supposed Raditz was going easy on you at first, but at least he took your attacks seriously, and once you had thrown him to the ground twice (being small and flexible in comparison was a great advantage against him), he’d seemed to have enough. He actually started to hit you back, throwing punches and kicks that left you breathless with the sheer force he was using. 

Fuck it. You started this a warm up or a spar, but he was fighting for real. 

Ki blasts flew from both sides until it basically looked like a firework show, and dodging them got even more difficult for the both of you. Raditz had more stamina, his body was built for that, but this confrontation had been dragging on for a while, you could tell he needed a break, and so did you; the places he had managed to connect with ached like a bitch, and you’d end up with bruises all over your body if you didn’t end this quick. 

Gathering what little energy you had left in the palm of your hand, you threw a ki blast right in his face, which he avoided easily, only to be met with your fist. He grabbed it swiftly like you expected, and you consequently held onto his arm with your other hand. Using it as leverage, you lifted yourself up to land a kick on his face with both of your feet, making him fall on his side. You barely had any strength left, so you let yourself fall beside him, groaning in pain when you hit the floor. 

“Time up…” You panted, struggling to even speak. “You win…”

“How the fuck is this my win? You knocked me down.” Raditz grunted, sitting up and glaring at you. 

“I don't have energy left, you could easily give me the final blow…”

“I’m not pleased to ‘win’ like this against a human.” He said, and you could feel in his tone he was genuinely frustrated. 

You remained quiet, unsure of what to say. Strength, battles and discipline was viewed differently in this world than it was in your planet, and you didn’t blame him. You didn’t have to actively fight for survival when you lived on Earth. When Earth still existed. 

You jolted when the door suddenly opened, and Zarbon walked in, followed closely by Vegeta and Nappa. You sat up, staring wide eyed. You had only seen the guy a handful of times, but he was looking straight at you, and trepidation quickly bubbled up inside you. 

“You, human girl,” He addressed you with a loud, imposing voice. “You’re a mechanic, aren’t you?”

“Yes?”

“Not anymore. You’re similar to the Saiyans, you'll be joining them in your next mission.”

“What?!” You complained as you stood up on shaky legs. “Why?!”

“Quit your whining.” Vegeta said, glaring at you. “It’s been decided, so shut up.”

You faltered, his words settling in your brain. You didn't even whine that much. 

“I had no idea you had that kind of power.” Zarbon kept looking at you, scanning every inch of your body, and you felt the need to cover up, even though you were fully dressed. “Puny, compared to mine, but enough to make yourself useful.”

Your eye twitched but you said nothing until he finally left a second later. 

“What is going on?!” You asked, screamed, eyes flickering between Nappa and Vegeta.

“Your little fight caught the bastard’s attention.” Nappa grumbled, annoyed. “He saw the whole thing.”

You sighed, frustrated. All training rooms had two way mirrors, though you’ve rarely seen anyone actually using them. 

“You’re going to train with us starting tomorrow.” Vegeta said. You knew him enough to know how angry he was, though you weren’t sure why. 

“Fine.” You grumbled. 

Vegeta glared at you and Raditz before he turned to leave, followed closely by Nappa. You sat on the floor next to Raditz as he turned to look at you with curious eyes. 

“Pleased to make yourself useful?”

“I am useful even if I don’t fight.” You scoffed, stretching your arms. 

“The real fun starts now.” Raditz grinned at you. 

You wanted to return the smile, but you couldn’t. You weren’t looking forward to the torture that was going to be training with beings who were genetically designed to fight endlessly. You were just a human; you had trained enough to achieve a level to be on the par with Raditz, but you would probably never get to go that much higher. 

“I had fun training with you.” You said after a while, as you both got up. And this time, you did smile. “I think I needed it.”

“I enjoyed it, too.” Raditz replied, smiling faintly. “Let me know when you want to do it again, girl.”

You watched him walk out the room and down the corridor before you turned to leave in the opposite direction. You needed to get some painkillers and hopefully something that would make the bruises fade away quicker, if there even was such a thing, at the medical unit. 

After picking up food in the dining room, you took the rest of the day off. You showered and applied ointment on every visible bruise you could find on your body (and there were many) before settling down on your bed. Tiredness settled in quickly, but it would take a while for the painkillers to kick in; both of your sides ached with every move, so you could only lie in bed and stare at the ceiling until you dozed off. 

After a couple of hours, Vegeta’s ki moving towards your room woke you up. You hoped to God he wasn’t thinking of actually fucking you that night; you didn’t know how much of your fight with Raditz did he see, but it must have been obvious that you weren’t capable of moving too much that night. Not to mention that it had pissed you off that he had told you to shut up the way he did. 

Vegeta stood outside your door, you could feel his ki flickering (nervously maybe?), but given that you were a little pissed at him, you waited; you wanted him to actually knock. And he took his damn time, only knocking once after a few minutes. 

“Open up.” His voice ordered from the other side, making your annoyance increase.

You opened the door just enough so he could see your face and part of your body in your sleeping clothes, visible contusions tainting your skin. His eyes scanned you quickly and when he tried to push the door so he could walk in, you stopped him. 

“What do you want?”

Vegeta raised his eyebrow at your tone, and you could see him struggling to find the right words to say. 

“Let me in.”

“No.”

“What’s wrong with you?” He frowned, obviously irritated as well. 

“What's wrong with me? You really expect to just walk in here like every other day? Like you don’t see the bruises all over my body?!” You yelled, making Vegeta scoff.

“Humans are so fragile-”

“Well, too bad you’re sleeping with one.” You interrupted him, earning one of his most heated glares in return. He obviously hated being interrupted, but you were too annoyed to care. “I’m sure you’ll find someone else to entertain yourself with.”

“What the fuck is your problem?” Vegeta asked through gritted teeth. “You were begging me to fuck you the first time!”

“And now I’m saying ‘no’ because you’re a jackass. Who do you think you are?! You will never tell me to shut up like that again!” You seethed, pushing him with a hand on his chest. He did not move an inch, but he was staring at you with eyes wide open, evidently surprised about your reaction. “Goodbye, Vegeta.”

You closed the door swiftly in his face. His ki spiked briefly, and for a second you thought he might burst in. He never did, and some minutes later, you felt his presence get further away as he retreated. 

[xtcz]

hi, new ish xtc fan here .. was wondering if you know thr best places to find like the most niche info about them? if that makes sense LOL theyve just been scratching the brain so good and ive read song stories but i want More .. hope its not weird to ask you this :[

it’s never weird to learn about xtc…….

erm for some photos and song notes and interview transcripts chalkhills.org is my best best friend. they’re an old style fansite with tons of archived stuff, they also have tons of xtc guitar tabs 😁😁 optimismsflames.com is another old fansite i look for stuff on, they’re a little harder to navigate but still have a boatload of stuff up. those are places i go when i have a specific thing in mind mainly; a specific image i’m searching for or someone’s thoughts on a particular song. but they’re good to just browse too i’ve spent many an hour that way

they only have one traditional biography, chalkhills and children, written by chris twomey. it’s kind of surface level but also a really fun read for weird little stories & quotes. this book is a really good example of how xtc were not the average rock band in terms of drinking sex drugs etc but what they had going on was Considerably More Insane for other reasons mainly they are collectively 5 of the little fucked up freaks of all time

complicated game is another song book which you may not get much out of if you’ve already read song stories, but i think it’s a little more complete. i’ve heard a couple fans say that out of all the xtc books, complicated game is the best & has great insight into the music, specifically for musicians but for anyone 😁

gonna also link some documentaries and specials i loveee all free on youtube:

this is pop— documentary that came out in 2017. the only documentary ever made about xtc. corny and very low budget but soo lovingly made and genuinely so good if you love them. fits the tone of the band well. i’ve seen it so many times

xtc at the manor— tv special filmed while xtc were at the manor studios for single work for black sea, following the recording and mixing of an alternate for the generals and majors single. they all talk about their instruments and how they chose music as a pursuit, also day to day footage in and around the studio. this one is my utter beloved

xtc play at home— (in three parts, 1 2 3) a special from 1984, xtc talk about their music as well as their hobbies. there are also some very low budget and hard to find music videos for some of the songs off mummer. dave talks about his guitars. andy talks about his board games. colin talks about Fishing. i love this one

recording nonsuch at chipping norton studios— this is a 50 minute home movie type special following the rehearsal and recording of nonsuch. i’ve seen this one through less times than the other two i linked because nonsuch is erm. my least favourite of their discs sorryyyy but it’s still a really good watch and i know a lot of folks love nonsuch

dm me if you want interview links too or anything, i tried to keep this list to longer video stuff but they have so many good interviews too

ultimately i don’t know if any of this stuff is niche. it’s all out there free online. the path you take with your poking around and research is yours :^) but i do think there’s great stuff in everything here and hopefully you’ll find something that suits your fancy

[iwriteasfotini]

Hogwarts Rosekiller IV of VI

NSFW

Part IV of VI - Rating Explicit (537 words) Barty's POV

Part I, Part II, Part III

Warnings: lots of f*bombs and underage

...

It had been about midway through his fourth year when they became official, though only to each other and Regulus. The little cunt. Sometimes when Barty got extremely drunk he thought about Regulus, mostly sex with Regulus. And he could not, for the life of him, make up his mind on who would top and who would bottom. What was most intriguing about sex with Regulus wasn’t that Regulus was fucking fit, which he was, it was the prospect of cracking his facade of stoicism. Because someone who was that closed off would undoubtedly have immense amounts of pent up energy to unleash. A prude in the streets, but total kink between the sheets. This was how Barty fantasized Regulus at any rate. 

Barty ate lunch with Evan and several other Slytherins boys. Everyone was nursing hangovers or were slowly losing their buzz as the day wore on. Regulus joined them towards the end of the meal and scarfed down food.

“Where have you been?” Barty asked quietly. 

“Potions lab.”

“All last night?”

“I was at the party off and on.”

“I didn’t see you.”

“You were otherwise occupied.”

Barty narrowed his eyes. This was the infuriating thing, Regulus always, always said exactly the right thing. Barty knew he was lying through his teeth, but he couldn’t argue because he had indeed been playing a far more risque version of footsie with Evan all night. They might not actually do anything in public, but they wound each other up incessantly. And sometimes there were very dark corners, or alcoves, where bodies might collide for a few brief moments. Of course they could simply duck out like all the other closeted couples did to get some privacy, but the game was part of their repertoire. 

In light of being gracious, Barty let the subject drop. 

“Want to go flying this afternoon?” he asked Regulus. 

“Want to smack some bludgers around you mean.”

“I’m always game. Plus it will help clear the system, sweat all that alcohol out.”

“Yeah, I don’t drink.”

“I meant out of my system.”

“Fine,” Regulus said. 

Flying was brilliant. Regulus amused him by hitting a bludger back and forth for over an hour. But then he made Barty do dives, which caused him to have to retreat behind the stadium to spew all over the yellowing grass.

Barty had been able to afford a second hand broomstick which wasn’t terrible. Beater’s didn’t have to have the fastest brooms anyhow. Someone looking at his gangly frame might not have guessed he was a decent beater, but what he lacked in muscle he made up for in enthusiasm. Every time a bludger flew at him he pictured it taking the shape of his father’s head. This was a violent image, make no mistake, but Barty Crouch Senior was a violent man. A violent man who did not hide the fact that he hated his son and blamed him for his mother’s mental health crisis. 

So yeah, Barty swung his bat with vicious force as a stream of his father’s most memorable insults played through his mind. 

He and Regulus returned to the castle with plenty of time to shower and dive into their mountain of homework.

...

Continue to Part V

This is part of my very epic story Our Love is Written in the Stars which you can find more about in my pinned post.

[spiced-wine-fic]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you so much dear @nocompromise-noregrets 🤗

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?  45

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 

2,842,840

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

Tolkien. The Silmarillion. 

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? 

Fragments of Fate and Fire (This one, I don’t tend to count, as it’s mostly art. It’s much easier to look at an image than devote time to reading).

Dark Prince, 

Magnificat of the Damned Book III: Fire.

A Far, Fierce Sky

Magnificat of the Damned Book II: Resurrection. 

5. Do you respond to comments? 

Of course. 😊 (I am grateful for them).

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 

Magnificat of the Damned Book IV: Anvil. 

And I got some incredible comments on the last chapter that I still cherish. (It was not the end, but it was the end of that series).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

I don’t believe in endings. Stories always continue and mine are mostly part of an ongoing series. But I have written a couple of one-shots and Requital did have a much more positive ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

Never have, no. Or if I have it must have been mild and I’ve forgotten. But then I moderate my fics on AO3 and people usually can't be arsed to type a raging comment that won’t get published. Also I’m just not read that much. I write a lot of OC’s and people tend to scroll past, I’m sure.  (I never had negative comments on LOTRFF.com or Faerie, either, and one couldn’t moderate, but again, I think it was because that kind of person just didn’t bother with them and the atmosphere was more polite on those archives).

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

Sometimes. M/M. These days, it’s when it comes up, which is not so often. I find (after a particularly horrible fandom experience) that it’s like salt: you don’t need to pour it over everything. Anyhow, I’m interested in stories which have everything in them, not just sex. 

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? 

No. 

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

I wrote Dark Prince and Dark Lands with Annwyn (back in 06/07) who I’m still in contact with but is no longer in fandom. She was lovely to write with. 

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Fëanor/Fingolfin. 

14.  What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? 

I want to finish A Far, Fierce Sky. I was writing that in tandem with one of the Magnificat stories and as A Light in the East and A Far, Fierce Sky, it’s sequel, were AU’s to my main arc, I had to drop one of them when I became self-employed. 

I no longer have the time to write very much so I hope to survive long enough to retire and be able to do much more 🥺

15. What are your writing strengths? 

Probably perseverance. I can hack through blocks and I completely ignore fandom fads so I can concentrate on my writing without dashing after the next hot take. If I get an idea I’ll follow it through. 

16. What are your writing weaknesses? 

Take your pick! 🤪

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

If used sparingly it can be effective. 

18. First fandom you wrote for? 

Tolkien. I’m monofandom. 

19.  Favourite fic you’ve written? 

I think of fics in terms of how I felt when I was writing them, and if I was in the ‘zone’ so it is a tie between Dark Prince and  Summerland.  Tagging @cycas @ettelene @nuredhel @naryaflame @pinksiamese @crowandmoonwriting @jane-ways @antares0606 @independence1776 @lucifers-cuvette @minquelie @grundyscribbling @thenookienostradamus @swanfloatieknight @geneeste @auntieaugury @blue-istari-stars-of-the-south @feedthefandomfest and really anyone who sees this and would like to do it.

[roanofarcc]

PROJECT SUNSHINE CHAPTER FIFTY NINE → THE BEGINNING OF THE END

summary: steve harrington x oc

when another product of Hawkins National Laboratory escaped a long-survived nightmare alongside her sister, she crashed into one unsuspecting teenage boy and dragged him deeper into the dark mysteries that made up their hometown.

word count. 4.9K || masterlist || ocs moodboard

warnings: cannon typical violence, child abuse, horror, gore, and depictions of mental illness. parts of this story were written pre-season 4 release. cannon divergence.

previous chapter ← → next chapter

TAG LIST. @sattlersquarry, @two-sides-samecoin, @leptitlu

Ellie Torres was tired. Her sneakers were ruined with mud and her skin was peppered with itchy bug bites, but she couldn’t reach to scratch them because her arms were wrapped around the neck of a man. He was a nice man, taller than her dad and with a head of white hair. Ellie rested her cheek against his shoulder as he carried her down a very long hallway. Her eyes tried to flutter close, but the overhead lights were too bright for her to fall asleep, and they hurt her head. 

The nice man said he would help her find her mom and dad. Ellie hoped she wouldn’t be in too much trouble. She had a habit of wandering off, especially when something bright and colorful caught her eye. She had never been scared of the woods before, but after she lost her way in search of some wildflowers to bring back to her mom and the sky faded from blue to black, Ellie suddenly became very scared. But as she wandered, she remembered the last time she slipped out of her mom’s sight at the grocery store. Her mom had found her a couple of minutes later and pressed kisses to her plump cheeks. It would be just like that, she thought. The nice man would call her mom, and she’d come, kiss her cheeks, and take her home. And Ellie would promise to never, ever run off again.

The hallway began to look more and more fuzzy as her eyes dropped, but the man kept walking. They traveled deeper into the building and she grew sleepier. She was certain that she’d wake up in her own bed and it would be like that whole night never happened. 

However, Ellie was jolted awake when the nice man sat her down on an uncomfortable bed. Her tired eyes strained themselves to stay open and she pouted her lip in protest, muttering confused mumbles that no one listened to. She tried to sit up, but hands roughly grabbed her bony shoulders and forced her back against the bed. 

“Mommy? Daddy?” she whined, weakly reaching out for her parents as if they were in the room with her. The nice man was gone and replaced with strangers. That bad feeling that turned in her gut back inside the woods resurfaced. Tears stung her pale brown eyes as she desperately tried to fight back against the many people hovering over her, but they were so much bigger than she was. They placed something over her nose and mouth and kept her shoulders pinned down as she breathed frantically. She was hit hard with a wave of sleepiness. Her arms and legs felt heavy, dropping their fight as her eyes forced themselves shut.

She woke up what felt like days later, with the number seven tattooed on her wrist. It didn’t take long for her to forget who Ellie Torres was, and it didn’t take long for her to react to the wires strapped to her freshly shaved head or the colored IVs stuck in her veins. With bloody noses and glowing fingers, Ellie was washed away, down the drains of Hawkins National Laboratory. Her mind was a blank slate that stopped calling out for mom and dad to rescue her.

She became 007, who didn’t remember, 

But she was starting to. 

It made no sense to Sunshine. She knew her mind was a tricky minefield. Her brain wanted to protect her, that was what Dr. Owens had told her. It took a lot of the bad memories, not all but most, and tried to bury them down deep in an effort to help her heal. All of the trauma she had endured was smashed into pieces that only visited her sometimes, in doses she could handle without going mad. 

Time and distance from the Lab helped, even if some of those memories were unfairly replaced by rows of pointed teeth and monsters with slimy skin. But the point was, that Sunshine had a handle on her memories and how she dealt with them. Sometimes they would creep out when she slept or found herself in situations too similar to ones she had been in inside the Lab, but it was manageable for the most part. 

After the awful showdown at Starcourt, Sunshine tried to move on with life as normally as she could. Her worries regarding the Russians were quelled and the Mind Flayer died. Even the photographs taken of her at the mall were supposedly “taken care of” according to Dr. Owens. She didn’t fully trust the man, but she trusted him enough to believe him; that, and she couldn’t spend the rest of her life in a worry-sick bubble. It was exhausting and all she wanted was to live her life as normally as she could and put her focus on the daunting but exciting world of high school. 

But, something was wrong with her as of late, and she traced it back to that night at Starcourt. She didn’t know exactly what happened, but since that night, memories had clawed their way out of their shallow graves to the forefront of her mind and drenched her in a never-ending series of headaches. She was forced to remember more than she ever wanted to. Even the little things that held no significance came back to her, and it screwed with her head. 

The smell of sterile rooms was stuck in her nose and the anxiety of spiraling into fits of memories consumed her. It would happen out of the blue, not just at night when she closed her eyes. Memories came back for no reason or without anything to trigger them. 

Like that afternoon, seated in math class with her chin resting in her palm. Her eyes averted to the window as she became lost in a daze the first time she met Dr. Brenner. His promise of finding her parents rang in her ears. Lies. The cold betrayal sunk into her skin like teeth. She tried not to get too swept away in the current of her memories, but they raged in waves against her skull. 

She didn’t understand what correlation there was between her over-using her abilities and the resurgence of memories bombarding her brain. The headaches and dizzy spells she had gotten used to had been almost constant since that night. Heal was a complicated process with no real cure, but remembering all the way back to her first night at the Lab was a weird side-effect. How badly had she rattled things around inside her head? She had been cleared by Dr. Owens and his team, but she felt far from in the clear. 

“Miss Torres.” The stern voice of her nightmarish math teacher broke through her thoughts, startling her. She snapped her attention in his direction. “Is there something outside more important than my lesson?” Sunshine felt her face flush as snickers from her classmates echoed from behind her. 

“No, Sir,” she said, sinking down in her chair to make herself smaller. 

He hummed in response and was about to resume his lesson before he did a double-take in her direction. His eye widened slightly, and he snapped his fingers toward the student seated closest to his desk. “Oh, uh, Munson! Pass that box of tissues back to Miss Torres.” 

Confused, Sunshine parted her lips to ask why, but then she tasted blood on her tongue, dripping from her nose. The students in her row passed back the box and she quickly pulled a couple before holding them to her bloody nose. Kids were whispering all around her in confused murmurs. 

“Head to the nurse,” the teacher said. “Take your things and try not to bleed on my floor.” 

A couple of desks over, Tamera Willow nearly jumped up. “I’ll walk her!” 

“I think she can walk herself.” 

“My little brother gets nosebleeds all of the time,” Tamera said, talking quickly. “They make him super dizzy. What if she falls and, like, hits her head or something? Then, that’s kind of all your fault.” 

The teacher huffed and rolled his eyes but agreed. Tamera quickly grabbed her books before rushing over to take Sunshine’s too. They said nothing as they left the room. The tissue was completely soaked with blood and her head felt fuzzy, as if always did. The pain was similar to when she used her abilities, but she hadn’t. Her head was sore, like a healing bruise that kept being hit. 

Once they were a couple of classrooms away, Sunshine’s vision blurred for a moment and her swayed slightly. Tamera grabbed her arm to steady her. “Shit, do you want me to go grab the nurse while you sit down?” 

Sunshine forced her eyes back open and shook her head. The fuzziness cleared just a little as she sucked in a deep breath. “No, I’m fine.” She pulled the tissue away and sighed at the blood coating her fingers. “I’m just going to clean up. You can go back to class.” 

“I’ll come with you. Just in case you do, like, pass out,” she insisted, but Sunshine didn’t know why. Ever since Starcourt, she hadn’t spoken to Tamera or Calum. They had been thoroughly lectured about their snooping and withholding government property. Calum had moved to Indy with his mother and Tamera almost seemed to have been avoiding Sunshine until that moment. She had gotten closer to Robin, but always made up some excuse to leave when Sunshine came around. 

In the girls’ bathroom, Sunshine wet a paper towel and cleaned the blood from her nose. A tiredness fell over her shoulders, but she still had half the school day to go. The memories exhausted her. Maybe when she had fought the Mind Flayer, she had knocked loose whatever helped hold the memories back. But that didn’t explain why her nose bled or her head hurt. 

Sunshine leaned over the sink and hung her head. The Gate was closed for the second time around, but nothing seemed to be settling down. Hawkins felt stuck in a state of grief and confusion while Sunshine and her group were trying to heal much larger wounds. 

“I want to apologize,” Tamera said, suddenly. Sunshine looked at her through the mirror. “I’m sorry for everything, especially the way we acted. We shouldn’t have shoved all of that in your face that night when you were clearly in the middle of something. We just…” she trailed off with a sigh, rubbing her dark eyes with her knuckles. “Cal wanted answers, and I was so sick of running around trying to help him. I wanted him to figure out where his dad was, so he’d just stop. He’s stubborn, really stubborn. And I couldn’t let him do any of them on his own, especially after we found that file. We shouldn’t have looked into it. We were just too curious and severely underestimated how big everything actually was.” 

Wadding up another blooded paper towel, she tossed it into the trash before turning around to face Tamera. She saw the guilt written on her face and the nervousness in her hands that played with the hem of her shirt. 

“I get it. He wanted to find his dad. I’m sorry things turned out the way they did.” It wasn’t Calum’s fault who his father was, or what he had done. She still felt uneasy about it, but Calum no longer being in town helped her. He was just a kid, but he had no idea what he was defending his father from. She wished he and Tamera hadn’t gotten involved and dropped into their mess, but it was too late for that. 

“Nothing went how I thought it would,” Tamera admitted. “I’m still processing it, I guess. That was the craziest shit ever.” Sunshine nodded in agreement. “And don’t get me wrong, that was the most terrifying situation I’ve ever been in, and I didn’t even see the monster-thing, but in a really morbid way, it was kind of cool. Obviously not the people dying or anything like that, but you were cool. Like, uh, your whole situation.” She gestured to Sunshine’s hands with a sheepish smile. 

“Thanks,” Sunshine said. She brushed her hand under her nose and pulled it away clean, thankfully. “I think we got off on the wrong hand.” Tamera tilted her head, a little confused before Sunshine corrected herself. “No. Uh, foot, I mean. We got off on the wrong foot.” 

Tamera chuckled. “Oh, you mean the fact that I’ve been helping my friend try to link you to his dad’s disappearance?” 

“Yeah,” Sunshine laughed. It was ridiculous, but they hadn’t been necessarily wrong about her connection to Calum’s father. “I’m not mad at you or Calum. I just wish you didn’t get yourself involved in our mess.” 

“No, you can be mad. We were stupid and couldn’t even fathom how far over our heads we were. We were pushy and assholes about the whole thing. Seriously, I don’t think sorry cuts it. If you wanted to yell at me or use your freaky magic on me, I’d totally understand.” 

“Oh, no. It’s not magic… never mind.” Sunshine shook her head leaving that as a conversation for a different time. “What if we just started over?” She liked Tamera, she really did. The girl was smart and funny. Hanging out with her while Steve worked at Scoops had been nice. 

Her eyes widened in surprise. “Really? You don’t have to do that.” 

“If I liked you when you were snooping around in my life behind my back, I think I’d like you even more if we were friends,” said Sunshine. “Besides, you’re in on our little secret now. So, you are officially, unofficially, a part of the team, like Robin.” 

Sunshine doubted their trouble was over forever, and she doubted Tamera and Calum would stay out of everything now that they knew the truth. It was better to have them apart of their oddly assembled group than working opposed to them, she supposed. 

Tamera hesitated before her shoulders relaxed slightly and a smile spread across her face. “I promise, no more snooping.” 

“I’ll hold you to it.” 

The bell rang and Tamera held her books closer to her chest. “I gotta get ready for band. Are you going to be okay with the whole bloody nose thing?” she asked. 

Sunshine waved her off. “Yeah. It happens sometimes.” Not like that, but Tamera didn’t need to know that there was something off with her “I’ll see you around.” 

With a nod, Tamera left, and Sunshine returned her gaze to the mirror, giving herself a hard look. She looked fine on the outside. The bruises around her neck and across her face had cleared up nicely and any scars she covered with light makeup. Bags were under her eyes, but she learned quickly that was typical high school fashion. To anyone who looked at her, she seemed like every other student at Hawkins High, but she wasn’t, and her classmates picked up on that too. 

They knew her mysterious past and confusing reappearance. She was the girl who came back to life. They knew she was off; they just couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was that made her unlike them. And now she was the girl who got random nosebleeds in the middle of class. 

The longer she stared at herself in the mirror, the more disconnected she felt from her body. She blinked and pain flared up in her head once more, causing her to clutch the sides of the sink hard, riding out the dizziness. It passed quicker that time and her nose didn’t bleed, but she felt the ghost of hands clamped down on her wrists and Dr. Brenner holding her sleepy figure as he walked them down the Lab hallways. It made her skin crawl. 

The bathroom door was swung open with a little more force than necessary, startling Sunshine. She spun around and was met with a familiar face that made her relax instantly. “Nancy,” she breathed out. 

“There you are,” the brunette said with a huff, joining Sunshine at the counter of sinks. “People were saying your nose started gushing look in the middle of class. I thought that only happened when you use your…” Nancy trailed off, quickly looking at the row of unoccupied stalls. “Your powers?” 

“It does.” 

“But you weren’t using them in class, were you?” 

“No.” 

“But your nose was bleeding?” 

“Yes.” Nancy shot her an exasperated look, crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t know,” Sunshine said with a half-hearted shrug. “But it’s not a big deal. I’m still a little burnt out after everything, I guess. I’ve never done anything like that before and I think my head is still trying to recover.” 

Nancy was quiet for a moment, staring through Sunshine was an intense and scrutinizing gaze that only she had. “You said you were feeling better.” 

“I am, but these things are tricky. I don’t know exactly how to explain it, but I promise, I have everything under control.” Or she would, eventually. She just had to ride it out and hope her brain found itself back in place. “It’s one bloody nose. I’ve had a million before.” 

Nancy seemed to relax slightly at Sunshine words and began to fix her hair in the mirror. “As long as you’re sure, then I’ll drop it.” 

“I’m sure.” 

With a nod, Nancy switched gears. “In other news, aside from your bloody nose being the talk of the hour, the school is hosting a memorial service for what they’re calling The Tragedy of Starcourt. I’m supposed to cover it for the school paper, but it doesn’t feel right twisting the story so far from the truth and writing it off as a mall fire.”

Sunshine shrugged. “I think a mall fire is probably the best cover-up. It’s better than the truth.” 

“Is it?” Nancy turned to look at Sunshine. There wasn’t a challenging look in her eyes, she was genuinely asking. The truth provided closure, but knowing the people you loved were melted down, bones and all, to form a terrifying creature who wanted to take over the world, was deeply more unsettling than being lied to. 

“I think so. The truth isn’t always the best.” And remembering wasn’t always comforting and helpful, as Sunshine was experiencing. She started to prefer the time when there were gaps in her memories. She didn’t want to remember any of it, but her brain was force-feeding it to her. She didn’t think the people of Hawkins could handle the idea of monsters existing. 

However, Nancy seemed unsure. “Watering down the truth can only go so far.” 

Sunshine shoved her hands in the pockets of her sweater and opened her mouth to say something but stopped when her fingers grasped something balled up in the pocket. Confused, she pulled it out to revel a piece of paper, one that she didn’t remember putting in there. She unfolded it and smoothed out the edges to reveal a small drawing that was slightly smudged. It was a drawing of a clock, the outline of an old grandfather clock. It was the same drawing that Luke had given her that night at Starcourt, but she didn’t remember keeping it. 

Another headache came on, but it stayed as a dull pulse behind her eyes and was more annoying than painful. She traced the clock slowly, methodically, thinking.

“What is that?” Nancy asked, but Sunshine was swept up in her thoughts. She felt stuck, frozen almost. A single drop of blood landed on the picture, soaking through the thin and worn sheet, and falling from her nose. 

Luke’s voice rang out in her ears. “I think there’s something wrong with me.” 

So did El’s cries when the reality of her abilities being gone hit her with full force. “They’re broken! I’m broken!” 

☀☀☀

He should have called home that night. He felt the phone on his desk draw him in like a magnet, pulling him but he resisted because he knew if he picked up the phone the frustrated tone of his wife’s voice would ring in his ears the rest of the night. She’d tell him there were leftovers in the fridge, his son was already in bed, and that she had an early morning appointment at the hair salon, so he needed to be quiet when he finally decided to come home for the night. He sighed in response, tell her he loved her, and that he would make it up to her the following Friday that he was off. But, like always, he’d forget and get wrapped up in some emergency at work and she wouldn’t bring it up. 

Ryan Miller thought that night would be like any other; he’d finish up a file of paperwork on his desk and tests that needed to be greenlit, and then he’d stumble home too late to eat a proper meal without getting heartburn. So, he’d save dinner for breakfast and mix coffee with pork chops, which would make his son scrunch up his nose and tell him he was disgusting. Then, Ryan would leave for work again, watch bony fingers flex behind glass panels and disobey every law of science, and he’d try to ignore the bitter screams that rattled the walls before they were quieted. 

He wanted to make a world full of the impossible for his son. He wanted Calum Miller to know that the extraordinary was not out of reach if he worked hard. In order to pave the way for his son to succeed and understand that anything he dreamt up could be created with hard work. It was for that reason that he never objected to the lengths his partner went to with hopes of achieving that idea. 

To make the world better, and more promising for his son, he aided and abetted in prying newborns from disoriented mother’s arms. He didn’t falter when twin bundles of infants were found abandoned on church steps, in need of a home that they could provide, in a sense. He turned his head when little girls got lost in the woods and show up at the Lab perimeters because maybe that was the way things were supposed go. All of their parents were careless. Mothers not in their right minds, fathers who believed God would give his twins the life he couldn’t, and parents who didn’t pay enough attention to where their daughter wandered.

The children were to be used for a greater purpose than live some miserable lives in unhappy homes or die in the woods. Ryan kept reminding himself of that when their cries rang out, when their blood was washed off white tiled floors, and when their numbers were slashed down to two. They were doing the right thing, be believed. They were doing the right thing. They were. They were. He promised that they were. 

“This is your fault,” Martin Brenner seethed. He was losing his composure and Ryan had to admit, it was a pleasant sight to see someone so polished, so put together, begin to crumble. 

“My fault?” Ryan scoffed as he scraped his handcuffs against the metal tabletop. The room was bright and cold, and he saw his reflection in the one-way mirror stare back at him. The tables had turned, he supposed. Or maybe he had always been expendable. “How is this my fault?” 

Martin slammed his hands down on the table, but Ryan didn’t flinch; alarms still rang in his ears. “You let them go! You let them escape!” 

“Do you have any idea the kind of mess we were in the second someone outside finds them and connects them back to the children they really are?” They could only erase so much of each child who passed through the Lab. They didn’t remember, but someone would. Ryan shook his head. “I never wanted this to happen. They were never supposed to leave. You better find them, Doctor, because I’m not going down with this ship.” He had a wife and a son. He had done everything right. He was so careful. Why was this his punishment? 

Martin lowered himself to Ryan’s seated height and stared at him with red-hot anger that sat nestled behind cold-dead eyes. “You’ve always been weak, Dr. Miller. Spineless. A coward who choose to stay in his office and not make contact with the children unless absolutely necessary. And why? Because they remind you of your son? Because you feel guilty?” Ryan clenched his jaw but said nothing. “Guilty enough to allow our last two experiments loose at the worst time imaginable. Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” 

“The worst time imaginable?” Ryan laughed dryly. “You mean your little discovery, oozing from the sublevel? Are you talking about the hole that your pet project tore open and how it's spreading, festering, and killing? Is that what you mean, Doctor?” Martin turned around, facing the mirror in a lame attempt to compose himself. He rubbed his chin as Ryan grew more frustrated. “I told you there was something wrong with her. I told you that Eleven-” 

“Is gone. That is what I’m worried about.” Martin cut him off. “But she and Seven couldn’t have gotten far. I have a team searching the woods and surrounding areas tonight. And we’re monitoring all phone calls within Hawkins. We will find them and leave no loose ends.” Their thread was unraveling. Two lost girls, two experiments, on the run. Ryan wanted to believe that there was no way two children could demolish everything they built, but the damage they had caused was already irreversible. He didn’t know exactly what he and Martin Brenner had created or how it was Subjects Seven and Eleven who were the last ones standing, but he knew one thing for certain: nothing would come to a pleasant end. 

A lonely diner off the interstate sat almost empty at that time of night. Ryan Miller stared out the window at the night sky while his piece of pie grew soggy from melted ice cream. He fingered the photograph hidden in his pocket, feeling the weight of it grow heavier as each day passed. There were bags under his eyes and a single bag of belongings at his side. The blond hair that once covered his head was outgrown down to his chin, where he had cut it off with dull scissors and dyed dark brown in a gas station bathroom in Ohio. The roundness of his cheeks and straightness of his shoulders disappeared, making him almost unrecognizable. Almost.

“Dr. Miller,” a voice called out, startling Ryan out of his skin. He snapped his head over his shoulder and dugs his chewed-down fingernails into the skin of his palms. “You’re a hard man to track down, you know?” 

A man slid into the booth across from Ryan before he flagged down the only waitress on duty. She was young, probably a year or two older than his son, with red hair and tired but youthful eyes. She put on a fresh pot of coffee in the kitchen, leaving the men alone in the front of the diner. Neither one said anything until their mugs were refilled with steaming coffee.

Outside the front door stood two men with their arms crossed, blocking the entrance. Ryan sank into the booth and scowled. “Let’s get this over with already. You here to arrest me?” 

The man shrugged. “Depends,” he said, pouring cream and sugar into his mug and stirring it slowly. “I don’t know how people drink his stuff black. Doesn’t that take the enjoyment out of coffee?” 

“What do you want?” 

“Do you know who I am?” the man asked, and Ryan tried not to let his rising panic show on his face. 

“Yes,” he replied. 

“Good.” There was a beat, and Ryan heard the sizzle of the grill from the kitchen, even though there was no one else to serve. “Do you know why I’m here?” 

“No.”

The man wrapped his hands around the mug and leaned against the table, lowering his voice. “I have a proposition for you, one that could potentially get you back in good graces, bury some hatches, and maybe, if you’re lucky, get a one-way ticket back home.” 

Ryan shook his head, but desperation pounded in his heart. He was a broken man, that he’d admit. He wanted, more than anything, to go home and beg on his hands and knees for forgiveness from his wife and son. He didn’t deserve a second chance, but he prayed every night they gave him one. 

“I don’t believe you.” 

“You don’t have to, but it’s your choice. Either you come with me willingly, or we’ll have to make a scene. And I don’t really want to make a scene tonight. Do you, Doctor?” Ryan was silent, thinking. “You have a son. Nice kid. Real ambitious too. I think it’d do him some good to see his father again, don’t you?” 

Ryan sighed and slipped his hand back into his pocket, feeling the photograph once more. The air felt warmer and colder at the same time, causing him to shiver as sweat rolled down the back of his neck. Desperation painted him in a sick light. His gut twisted in knots, pulling and tugging him in another direction away from his running. He wanted some kind of salvation or an end. 

“What exactly do you have in mind, Dr. Owens?”

END OF SEASON 3

[octomae]

uhhhh ok so I have a couple requests for the Coroika prompt list :)

Anyway it won’t fricking paste for some reason, but #10 from the QP/platonic fluff list, (the one about the stars) with Aviskull :3 I headcanon them as qpps but you can make it however you want

ALSO #3 from the Hurt/comfort list with Gorai, idk I just imagine Rider putting a lot of pressure on himself to be strong and Goggles would help him out :D

Ofc if you don’t like any of these ships or you just don’t want to do them for any reason you don’t have to

ooo i got another ask with gorai so imma do aviskull :3 I LOVE QPPs!!!!! ive never written for avi before so i hope i get him (somewhat) right lol

-

The roof of the apartment building was cold against the flat of his back, and Skull stared up at the fireworks popping with deep booms overhead in showers of color. The sounds of the Splatfest were muffled by distance, the cheering of a crowd nothing more than a soft buzz on the night horizon.

"Hey." A light poke to his arm snapped him to reality, and Skull turned his head to look at Aviators, who smiled and lay beside him. "Lost in thought?"

Skull shrugged, turning his face back up to the sky. After another moment, he tugged his bandana down, breathing in the night air without the fabric blocking its way.

Avi raised a brow behind his glasses. "Okay, I guess it's that kind of night." And without any hesitation, he removed his aviators from his face and tucked them into the pocket of his squid satin jacket.

Aviators didn't uncover his eyes often, if not at all. Similarly, Skull didn't tend to uncover the lower half of his face. That they were able to do such things with each other that they didn't around others felt reassuring and comfortable. Skull let the feelings wash over him.

"Feels different than before," Skull said, staring up at the sky. "Splatfest."

It was their first one since Team Blue had shown up and kicked their asses in that rematch. Skull had forgotten what winning a turf war and a ranked battle was supposed to feel like. The effortless wins made everything feel monotonous. Even splatfests had become boring.

But for some reason, it wasn't boring anymore. The sky was filled with color now. Skull barely remembered what his first splatfest felt like, the joy and thrill of that first party when he was younger, but he imagined it probably felt something like this. His chest felt as though it might burst. He didn't really understand why.

Avi shrugged, scooting closer to where Skull lay and poking his shoulder again.

"Different good, or different bad?" Avi asked.

"I... can't tell." Skull continued to stare at the sky, and Avi continued to stare at Skull. He knew what Avi's eyes looked like. He was probably the only one who did.

"Well if it's not bad, it's probably alright I think."

Skull only watched the stars, a churning feeling in his hearts. He'd failed, hadn't he? Wasn't strength all that mattered?

"Do you... ever miss Vintage and Omega?"

Avi made a surprised noise at the question, but when Skull turned to look at him, he went quiet. He remained silent for a moment, before turning his face towards the stars and away from Skull's piercing gaze. "Honestly? Yeah, sometimes."

His hearts sank in his chest. He couldn't bring himself to look away from Avi's face. "Do you regret coming with me?"

"Dude, what?" Avi snorted out a disbelieving laugh. "Nah."

"But... Team Purple isn't... We lost to-" Skull could hardly get the words out, huffing in frustration when his throat closed up and nothing slipped through anymore.

"You think I'm staying with you just because you're strong?" Avi shook his head with a laugh. "C'mon, Skull. I'm with you until all the stars fall out of the sky, and even then I'd never leave you behind. I don't care what team I'm on so long as you're there too. If we win, if we lose, that doesn't matter to me. Only you do."

The declaration rendered him speechless. Unable to find the words, Skull reached a hand down and took the one Avi had been poking him with.

Avi paused, glancing down at their joined hands before lifting his face and smiling at Skull.

"I'm with you," Aviators repeated, the bright colors of the fireworks overhead reflecting in his eyes. "No matter what."

Skull squeezed the hand in his own and found a smile on the corners of his lips.

[vivelegalite]

people moved on but mentally i'm still right here. what the FUCK did they mean?

so the message was partially solved by @\willescarf on twitter who guessed "but you mean... so much to me"

which i, like many other likeminded people who partake in delusion now and then, interpreted as a message by either mike or will, directed to the other. because it just makes sense.

for a long time, my favourite solution to the message was this one, by @\thmidfinch on twitter:

anyway i think you'll [like it] sorry i couldn't get it done [in time for your birthday], but you mean so [much to me] and it's been [great getting to catch up with you] i hope this is [enough to] last until [next time] love, [mike]

talking about a letter maybe (shoutout to lettergate enjoyers and truthers), or a mixtape? whatever this would relate to would be a sort of olive branch presented to will by mike.

another possible variation i could think of would be this one, inspired by @\dcbicki:

anyway i think you'll [get it] sorry i couldn't get it done [before/sooner], but you mean so [much to me] and it's been [a long time] i hope this is [going to] last until [then] love, [mike]/[i] love [you]

this one absolutely RUINED ME and i am 100% a truther now (by @\aurietissima):

I want you to know that I rebuilt Castle Byers. I'm so sorry about you wrecking it because of me, because of our fight. Very, very sorry. Anyway I think you'll like it. Sorry I couldn't get it done better, but you mean so much to me and it's been hard without you. I hope this is enough to last until you come (back) to Hawkins. Love, Mike.

another strong contender was this one, by @\lukacuzynot:

anyway i think you'll [like the painting] sorry i couldn't get it done [before we got to the airport] but you mean so [much to me] and it's been [a long time since we had seen each other] i hope this is [going to] last until [we see each other again] love [you]?

where the message talks about the painting will gives to mike in s4. my own variant of this one would probably be:

anyway i think you'll [like the painting] sorry i couldn't get it done [before we moved] but you mean so [much to me] and it's been [a long time since we talked] i hope this is [going to] last until [summer break] love, [will]?

but then, looking for interesting interpretations, i stumbled across this tweet:

so, the "no" can mean a lot of things, buuuuuut this tweet just so happened to be archived by the wayback machine, so here it is in its full glory:

yeowch. i was hoping it'd say something like "this is about byler", to which that response ("no") teeeechnically wouldn't be a lie — since byler is the name for them as a couple, and they said outright that this isn't about one.

but alas.

the little delusional byler in my head tells me that friends don't lie but showrunners do, and there is a bit of hope left there, but among other ideas one i like is that this could be a note from terry ives to el (x), considering the significance of the date outside of just will (it's the date of el's escape from the lab, i think).

but then there's the tweet i usually see omitted from posts i see about this message (and one i was going to omit myself but just now noticed before clicking post):

this is giving me phone call cutting out mid word rather than a written, redacted note, but who knows? certainly not me. i know nothing anymore tbh

another thing to mention is that these were posted in october 2019, so take them with a grain of salt, but then again — season 4 was announced with a teaser on 30th september 2019 (FLASH WARNING!!!). a teaser that included allusions to several plot points that made it to the final cut of season 4 (the logo recreated with vines resembling the creel house, the grandfather clock, the slogan "we're not in hawkins anymore" relating to the cali crew and el in nevada). it's pretty possible they already knew about the paintings, the letters, etc.

PLEASE let me know your theories on this, it's one of my favourite still unsolved st mysteries!! do you believe that it's not about byler? if yes, what else do you think it could be?