#a day. a whole gd day of it not being my issue

[weltonreject]

...

[cfr749]

Initial Thoughts on Chenford in 6x07

All right... I'm feeling... a lot at the moment, so just sharing my initial reactions before seeing anyone else's. I'm sure my feelings will evolve. Also this turned into a GD essay and I'm sorry.

The Good

Grey acknowledging that Lucy was going through a lot ABOVE & BEYOND the break up. I just wish he'd mentioned the shooting, too. Lucy deserves to be more than her relationship with Tim and I need to actually see that in the future.

Lucy laying out 2 key things in her conversation with Grey - how easily Tim walked away and that he had no right to make that decision for her

Prior to the last scene (see The Ugly below), I thought Tim's interactions with the therapist were reasonably well done; if only therapy was that easy in real life lol

"You've always got a home with me" - I loved this final scene between Lucy and Tamara. I don't really have feelings either way about Tamara at this point, and this still hit me right in the heart.

Smitty's poll made me laugh, but also another solid indicator that these writers / producers do in fact really enjoy laughing at the expense of the fandom and shippers (which, whatever, I don't care that they do, I'd prob do the same; but it does irk me when people act like these writers should be worshipped because of all the things they "give" us)

The Tim

"I'm not depressed. I broke up with her."

"I was her TO." Not her friend, cuz god knows Tim has yet to deal with the fact that he started banging his former Rookie I suppose.

I dunno whether to put this in The Good or The Bad at this point; it depends on where they take it, so instead Tim gets a section all about why he's a dick.

To be clear, I do not like that Tim is a dick. But I actually do kind of like that it is very clear TO THE AUDIENCE that Tim is being kind of a dick. Do I still think people will bend over backwards to defend him? Of course they will.

From my perspective, I love Tim, I understand that he thinks he's doing the right thing, and has lots and lots of trauma. I've never seen Tim as a character that magically healed at some point between Seasons 1 & 5 (please see his storyline with his dad, his ongoing issues with UC work and unwillingness to confront or deal with them, his feelings about therapy historically, his inability to dump Ashley, etc. etc.). He's never been perfect and he doesn't need to be.

All of those things are true. None of those things give him a free pass to be kind of a dick. He still has to take accountability for how he treated Lucy (which, to be clear, was like sh*t).

The Bad

Lucy being petty AF with the invites to Tamara's dinner - let her be ANGRY, but give me villain Lucy over this dumb sh*t.

Lucy having no one other than Grey to talk to.

Others acting like Lucy is actually kind of pathetic (why do these writers love sh*tting on her so much? girl could not be down and kicked any harder at this point) -- Celina / Nolan and the double dumping crap, Lucy thinking Grey paid actors and him telling her she was out of her damn mind

The last interaction between Lucy and Tim. I am so angry for her. I needed to see that from her, but instead it felt kind of like her being dumped / a kicked puppy all over again. We got it, thanks. What's next? Lucy being incredibly happy with the hottest man on earth? I'm here for it tbh. Lucy plotting Tim's murder? Also here for it at this point. LOL.

The Ugly

I could not hate the implication of that final scene with Tim and the therapist and the door shutting more. There was ZERO reason they couldn't have had him show up during the day, and it actually disgusts me that they are pushing this line again, but especially with Tim. I am literally NEVER this dramatic, but in this case I really hope they did that to just get a reaction, because if anything were to actually happen between Tim and the therapist, I'd be 100% done with this ship and show as would a whole lot of the audience (I think). If I kept watching, it would only be to see Lucy be absurdly happy without Tim.

Well, what'd I miss? What did y'all think?

[myfaveisfuckable]

Tuvok:

Ok, first off: real world standards, he's not normal passing. Apart from the ears, he's just too autistic (sorry, "Vulcan" 🙄) to be considered "normal looking". He went to 1990s earth once and Did Not Pass as normal. But in universe, he would on the surface seem like a model Vulcan. And he is, kinda. But he's also so gd weird. (/aff)

Not even gonna get into how badly he wants to be Will Graham because obviously that's there too but we don't have all day. Anyway.

Obvs the emotions struggle is real as it is for any Vulcan worth paying attention to, if only because they were all only ever written by humans.

But also, tangential to him being Will Graham coded (but still separate enough) he is a total mind slut. You know how some characters will go "when I have a problem, I set it on fire" or shit like that? When Tuvok has a problem, he mind melds with it. Homoerotically if it's an option. Dude even got a mind std one time, despite the fact that's not even a thing.

And then whatever the fuck kinda thing he has going on with Janeway. Not even necessarily in a shippy way ("not romantic, not platonic, so devoted the lines blur") but like... not only is he unreasonably loyal to her but he does shit like not only letting her touch him whenever she wants but *deliberately offering her HIS HAND to hold* to comfort her when she needs it (reminder that hand touching is very intimate to Vulcans and can be likened to human kissing) and again, they're never even stated as romantic or anything, they're just friends and yet he is more loyal to her than he is to his own code of ethics.

Obviously part of all of it could be because Janeway (or possibly Kate Mulgrew) is simply Like That, she does do shit like tell her platonic subordinate "then be a good rat and find us the cheese" in a tone that makes me lose it, but it's not all her, Tuvok is also extremely not normal about it. I should submit Janeway too actually, I'll do her next.

Also, afaik Tuvok is the only crew member of Voyager (who makes it back) who had a romantic partner before the ship got lost in the Delta quadrant and remained loyal the entire seven years they were lost. I *think* Samantha Wildman also did but she's a minor character (so she could've been getting it off screen) and she started out pregnant so once born Naomi both kept her busy and was a living reminder of her husband's love. So in that regard, Tuvok is very much not normal but like in the most positive way. He literally didn't cheat on his wife even when his life was in danger (they *were* out there for seven years so of course he hit pon farr eventually) and I think that's really cool of him. But also very not normal.

I'm very tired rn but once the polls come out, simply check out the blog of Bea @bumblingbabooshka (wanna clarify, I'm not him but he is THE Tuvok blogger in my opinion) who has written much on this already.

There's also the whole stuff that happened around his monestary era but I'm not even at that part yet but it must've been wild.

Anyway. Vote Tuvok

Janeway:

- will literally martyr herself at the drop of a hat

- will kill you if she thinks it's what she needs to do for her crew

- will not kill you if she thinks you've got residue humanity after decades as a borg drone even though realistically she really should've (tho ofc we're all glad she didn't)

- will violate your personal rights if she thinks you're not "human" enough and also compare you to a replicator (yes I'm still salty about that. wait what was the question? right, i'll get back on track)

- will say absolutely deranged shit like "then be a good rat and find us the cheese" in the a tone that makes me lose my mind and basically give everyone a crush on her (and also mommy issues) if they spend too long in her vicinity, leading to a very loyal crew

- her solution to having a crush on a fictional character was to delete his wife (very relatable but also very not normal)

- she wanted to watch hot Q on Q sex (possibly for scientific reasons) and looked very disappointed when it was severely underwhelming

- WHO brings a bathtub on a spaceship???

- there's more but y'know

[starsscarmyceiling]

Merrin is giving me anxiety with her whole ‘Things are not so simple now’ comment. I know she said they’d figure it out, but I swear.. if anything happens to those two in the next game I’m going to mcfreaking lose it

I mean I cannot lie to you anon, it gives me anxiety too. And it sucks to feel that way because I am sure all of us just want to imagine these two boning it out, getting some therapy, a nap, and a nice home cooked meal (in no particular order). And knowing how ALL Star Wars pairings have turned out, I feel like these anxieties are completely founded and valid. I really, truly hope Respawn rises above the rest and realizes that some people after everything all of these traumatized bbies have been through are allowed to be happy. In my mind, it's like--I feel that Cal and Merrin have been through enough, and if for some reason they are not ultimately end game, yeah I am going to Respawn and setting the building on fire.

BUT--to at least say on a positive note--Cal and Merrin, they are like the healthiest set of losers I have ever seen. They have just--the most outstanding communication skills between one another. They bring out the best in each other and always have. That cave scene meant sm to me because it only proved how I already felt about them: they are able to be open and honest with one another and they are also able to see things from the other's perspective, which is so important in a partnership.

To put it plainly anon, at least they are addressing it. At least they are saying it and acknowledging it out loud instead of ignoring it or just moving on. Because if they didn't, it would only fester and grow and who knows cause resentment to settle between them or whatever else aspect that can destroy two partners in such a way. It may seem tense rn, but it did just happen. It's not like all of that could go down and they be like lol so ANYWAY--

Because Merrin is right, things are not so simple now, and wow Cal pointing out if they ever have been kind of solidifies that they are both in this for the long haul. And so is them both recognizing that they don't want to go back to how they were before, being alone (though I do think them being a part was very important for them to find not only themselves and becoming their own person and then to find their way back to one another) and namely not being with one another. AND heh no longer being just "friends." At the end of the day, they are each other's rock, and they know this with a 100% confidence interval. I mean these two really met and said

between one another.

From this point on, I would like to hope they give one another the space to heal for themselves and together...that they give themselves the space to actually process everything that's happened, and they can only continue to build on their already solid foundation. That they don't put everything on themselves to fix everything, and allow others to come in and help take on this verbose responsibility they have ahead of them on Tanalorr.

But hey gd maybe that's just my therapist brain talking...how do the rest of you feel about this? It's a very delicate issue that I do believe Respawn can handle...they've proven that thus far, so let's all hope and pray and manifest that they don't biff the ending here besties.

[unabashedhonesty]

Am I...transgender?

I’ve felt my whole life like I am not a proper female. I remember me, as young as three years old, arguing vehemently with my maternal parental unit that I am a BOY, gd it! I’ve had barbies and dresses and the color PINK forced on me my entire childhood. (I despise pink to this very day because of the association.) I wanted to play sports like wrestling and football, but I couldn’t because those were “for boys”. And then I learned when I was a teenager that I like both genders — but not sex. And I was apparently “wrong” for both of those things. I always had to talk and behave a certain way because of my genitals, which never sat well with me. When I finally started to live with the notion that I-have-a-uterus-and-sizable-breasts-so-logic-dictates-that-I-am-a-girl, I tried to embrace my “place” in the world and started focusing on how to be a “proper lady”, yet all the sudden I was “slutty” and a “hoochie” “outspoken” and “disrespectful” and should dress “conservatively”, even though girls who showed off their looks apparently got praise and approval (it didn’t help that the only affection I ever got was from the “family friend” who got way too handsy with me, but I took it because here was someone who was finally being nice to me).

When I finally got away from toxic relatives and out on my own, I tried to be a proper woman, but the label “woman” never settled in and I waited my entire twenties to feel “right”. Then tragedy hit me and my partner and living became survival again, thus I no longer cared what I looked like or what people thought. I stopped wearing makeup so much, I stopped shaving my legs and armpits, I stopped the painful process of waxing my face, and THEN!! For the first time, I actually felt comfortable in my skin. I stopped wearing bras so much. I started wearing geeky t-shirts and jeans and biker boots. I talk in a way that feels right to me, and not how a “lady” should. I stopped sitting like a “lady” and I don’t take shit from anybody anymore. I began to realize that I never liked being referred to as a “she” and would jokingly tell my friends to not accuse me of being a woman. Then I started an anonymous, faceless, genderless Twitter (before the muskrat takeover) as a social experiment, and learned that I LIKED it when everyone just assumed I was a guy. I didn’t correct them because I didn’t want them to change the way they talked to me.

I then came to the conclusion that I’m genderfluid. I prefer they/them pronouns, but I really do enjoy he/him. I still know how to be a “woman”, and I still occasionally present myself as one when it’s needed (or when it’s not a good idea to get into correcting people). I still thought I was stuck being a woman when I met my partner, so I will happily be a woman for them from time to time, because that’s what they’re attracted to and I still want to be attractive to them. But they never try to make me be anything, and certainly doesn’t shame me for my gender issues — they love and support me whatever I’m feeling. (They still refer to me as “she”, but that’s what I still was when we met nearly a decade ago and it’s hard for them to switch, so I don’t hold it against them; they’re not malicious about it at all). And if I’m feeling particularly masculine — even for weeks or months at a time — they don’t try to stop me from being just that. For most of my life, I’d never heard of transgender or gender-affirming care or anything of the sort (due to being raised in an EXTREMELY conservative environment), but once I started educating myself about it so I could support others, it started to make a lot of sense to me. But I’m still learning and trying to understand it all, so I beg of you, LGBTQIA+ side of Tumblr, to PLEASE help me understand what exactly I am and what I’m going through. I know how I feel — have ALWAYS felt — and that is most certainly NOT feminine. Am I genderqueer? Am I Trans? Is this real? Am I a hypochondriac? Is it all in my head? Am I just confused? Please help!!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤎🤍🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[emblazons]

Honesty Hour: I am literally never going to understand “Duffer doubt” or full abject disappointment in them as show runners…and it’s because their story makes sense.

Like. The fear for queer rep thing I understand completely, but so far, even with how little I resonated with S3 or S4-2 at first…they are solid writers with a sense of both direction and their audience, and I have no core issues with what they’ve presented.

Forewarning: pettiness, byler doubt (only mentions for context) & potential elitism idk (it’s also a little long lmao)

This idea The Duffers are gonna drop every single thing they’ve set up from the get go to accommodate the most surface level, least in-character storyline “because heteronormativity” is absolutely insane to me. The idea that, after setting up FOUR SEASONS of buildup, they’re going to kill off the primary protagonist of S1 and drop every single character lesson / core narrative to shove the YOUNGEST CHARACTERS in the gd show into a Disney fantasy marriage is crazy. I literally don’t even know how to imagine them doing that—not because it has never happened in a show, but because hearing them talk about ST makes it clear it’s BEEN mapped from the get, and they have explained clearly why certain things went the way they did in their own way.

Noah got cast on a monologue from a second season before they even have a confirmation of its existence, and character traits we are just pulling on now in characters like Mike (his insecurity especially) are written CLEAR AS DAY in the PITCH OF THE SHOW. Every single sign people on THIS LITERAL APP have pointed to for Y E A R S before S4 that Will was gay turned out to be right, and there has been, from the very first moment Netflix picked this thing up, a 25 page document where they broke down the UD lore.

Where on literal earth are people getting that they have no idea what they’re doing? Or that the lore people point to as foreshadowing is gonna get thrown out the window in the final season of the show? I get being nervous or anxious that your favorite character might not get all the time you want, or even being afraid that they won’t dig into all the things you want personally, but…the idea that two self-proclaimed film boys who were as into their inspirations as we are their show are going to undermine their own narrative integrity to pull a 180 on every theme they’ve set up from the get go and start killing off characters who are front and center in the “we tell the stories of the outcasts as a fuck you to the people who make media we think sucks” narrative? I’m gonna need you to be serious.

As a long time fan and fandom consumer of television, and someone who had to live through being invested in Game of Thrones, I am saying with my whole chest that the doubt is entirely emotional rather than based on anything objective that the duffers have said or done.

They’re not D&D from GoT, who were great ADAPTORS but who just started winging it because they didn’t have completed source material from GRRM. They aren’t the Voltron writers who had a good premise but mixed it all up because of firing their best writers and then caving to fandom nonsense. They aren’t the supernatural writers, or the Sherlock writers who set up an ongoing joke without the follow through people expected. They are the Duffers. And while their writing style is nothing like what I would do, they are telling a story that I can follow and respect until proven otherwise.

All this talk about “mistakes” and the like, even with queer rep. Like??? They released this show in 2016, and the last several years in its country of origin have been absolutely steeped in a horrifying level of bigotry both sociopolitically and in media. Stranger Things was released the same year Tr*mp was elected, and still managed to stand in abject criticism of every value on display in American conservatism ever since.

The push and pull of what was “allowed” in media because of the cultural insanity & bigotry that moved to center stage in the United States makes it clear why they didn’t bring their queer storyline to the fore at first glance and just put it in the subtext—to tell the story without being undermined by the “two seasons and cancelled” era of Netflix before it got huge (because, as we all know, Netflix and cancelling shows is a huge problem for many writers to this literal day) and to keep the bigots on main from noticing it until the train was too fast to stop. That’s what we’re dealing with now—a lot of people yelling loudly on places like Reddit, expecting to be consoled in in their homophobia and bigotry, because now Stranger Things is popular and far along enough to start saying the quiet part (that has ALWAYS been there) out loud.

Hiding the queer storyline in the subtext is something people have done in tv and film for DECADES anyway, and in literature for CENTURIES before that…but somehow the fact that it wasn’t made explicit until the fourth season invalidates it? Or makes it suddenly a reason to call into question the integrity of the entire show, or to let some random m*leven shipper undermine your sense of what makes a good story (which is also what matters most to the “we don’t listen to Reddit, and we regret focusing more on fan theories than our plot” duffers)? Once again: I’m gonna need you to be serious.

All I’m saying is that the way some people in this fandom are willing to believe and agonize over the takes of 18-19 year old actors or a random twitter account or YouTuber instead of listening to the creators of the show + looking at cultural context and how queer stories have been told for eons is crazy. It reeks of immaturity insecurity and media illiteracy, and gives two guys who have put a lot of time and (ADMITTEDLY IMPERFECT) effort into a show that remains one of the best told stories (despite network interference) in recent memory.

I get being nervous. I get being suspicious. But critical consumption & media literacy is more than just theorizing about what things mean or watching what inspired The Duffers. Stop looking at social media posts and randoms for information and start paying attention to the people who MAKE the things you’re so emotionally attached to in their context. I am literally begging at this point.

[altschmerzes]

hi !! what’d you think of the new episode of Ted Lasso?

OKAY getting to this a few days late i'm sorry. as usual, i have about One Million Thoughts. in short, i thought it was fine!! it wasn't like, AMAZING, but not every episode of something is gonna be, and it was overall pretty solid. i liked it more than last episode by a good measure but not as much as

here is, as is traditional for me, some more specific thoughts in no particular order on ted lasso 3x05:

i feel like this episode was sort of a return to form in some ways, from some of the stuff that's been causing what i'd call..... some issues? in the front half of this season so far. it feels like they've been trying to do way too much at once? which has led to a bit of a disoriented, frenetic feeling. i think this was sort of a way to.... cut down on some of that? with what would seem to be the wrapping of the zava and shandy plots (which i'll.... get to). this is overall i think a good shift. let's redirect a bit. focus a bit.

oh my gd the stuff with ted and henry was so good. i also was like. really in my feelings immediately when beard was so protective the instant they thought henry'd been bullied. and then ROY was too. man. that got me where i live :')

and man. man. the bit after where ted talked himself down from that panic attack with 'he's okay, he's okay, he's okay.' i about cried at that.

this is gonna be extremely predictable from me and i know i've mentioned it already but i really did expect like. literally any acknowledgement of playing man city being a Big Thing after what happened last time. for jamie particularly. wouldn't need to take much space, just like. a nod to them being mindful of keeping an eye on him that week, or a quick 'you good?' or yknow. anything.

that said. man am i ever so proud of jamie. his speech to them was really, really good - especially if you actually do consider what contemplating playing against city for the first time since the wembley thing must have been like for him. still, he rallied and gave this really effective motivating speech that got the team going.

until zava took over and repeated what he said lmao but still. (also the bit of him like. grabbing at and holding jamie's head? WHOOF that was hard to watch. jamie does Not want that man touching him, and watching him just sorta hunch a bit and Deal With It until deciding he'd had enough and ducking away was. whoof. what a little scene.)

dunno where this psychic thing with rebecca is going but i do kind of love the shift her story has taken, if this is gonna continue to be a focus (pursuing the possibility of motherhood). idk if this is like..... a controversial take in some way or whatever but i actually always kind of thought that it would make more sense for her narrative arc to go more in the direction of searching for that as a possibility than of searching for a romantic partner? it's something she clearly wanted very much but couldn't have because of rupert and that whole. thing. i think it's a much more interesting avenue to go down with her, and idk if it's gonna go anywhere else but. yeah. enjoyed her storyline in this episode a lot more than i have in some others.

i dunno how to feel about the whole bit with nate and jade the woman at the greek restaurant. i feel like i kind of get what they're going for with it but i'm not really sure where i land? like my romance allergy aside, i was ruminating on it and i wish we'd had like. idk. she has been pretty...... weird and rude to him in every single scene we've seen her in and i really think in order to actually know how i feel about how that was played i would need some more context. i wish we'd seen her interact with other customers? if that makes sense? like i want to see if this demeanour she has with nate which is pretty shitty and bizarre is just sort of. how she is and she's a weird and rude person generally, or if she's somehow treating nate differently than other people she interacts with at her job.

man i really did otherwise like nate's bits in that ep though. his scenes so far have been fucking stellar this season - though i didn't like last episode much, his part? oh my gd it was incredible. and then in this one it's like- rehearsing what to say on the phone was fantastic, and the part where he's trying to explain to anastasia what that place means to his family (which...... buddy. man. that made me sad, it doesn't seem like he's been very well treated there, but it's such an important figure in his family. feels like a metaphor.)

was a little disappointed we didn't get a bit more west ham follow-up? like they got, what was it, three red cards in that ep? that's three suspensions. how long were they suspended for? obvs we didn't see the immediate subsequent matches but yknow. that's a Big Deal. the way that match went is a big deal. otherwise, i did like the switch from the big win streak to this winless streak after the west ham loss. that was a satisfying The Epic Highs And Lows Of Sports detail.

keeley sleeping with jack? GET IT. not sure how this is gonna shake out in the long run and has the potential to get messy and i generally don't.... know how i feel about jack yet but for now? get it.

i answered a whole ask about this, but in brief: i thought the zava wrap, if that was actually his whole wrap and he's not gonna return in some dramatic fashion, was anticlimactic to the way he and his arc were introduced. i think it was..... misplayed overall. they should've either not played so hard into seeming like he was being set up to be a major factor when he was first introduced and then had that focal episode, or they should've followed that energy through. instead he had his intro and then that huge focus episode and immediately following that he just kinda..... faded and was a nonissue and then abruptly decided to ride off into the sunset. makes me wonder what they were going for at all when they didn't really resolve any of the big stuff that whole thing brought up.

i feel similarly about shandy. it seemed like they were setting something up with her to be a Thing and then she ended up not like.... her arc wasn't anticlimactic in resolve, it was actually extremely dramatic, but it happened very fast and in a way that felt kind of. cartoonish? keeley Learned A Lesson i guess about being a boss which is a tough thing to do, and that was neat, but it felt like. idk. i think they could've done that without introducing a whole new character who felt like she had a lot of potential to have an interesting arc with keeley and then kinda built tension in the background for a bit only to resolve it pretty quickly and in a pretty. what's the way i want to put this.

interested to see where it goes from here!

[im-immortal]

yikes, ok, SO

i would first and foremost like to thank you with complete sincerity for RUINING my week. istg i started in for a penny, in for a pound on like, FRIDAY, and demolished all 480k words like a dumpster-diving raccoon on garbage night.

let me tell you, when i finished thirsty and realized that the next installment wasn't a sequel, i almost threw up. that being said, every gd word of hot girl summer made the whole thing so much more fun and painful and horrible and amazing, sooo... who am i to complain?

ik it's been about a month since you updated—and a few scattered author's notes might suggest i could have to wait even longer—but i want u to know that i will be screaming, crying, throwing up while waiting for your next chapter😭(no rush tho 👀)

anyway, desperation aside, i noticed you use songs as inspiration a lot and i figured i'd share a few that have been running through my mind since i started reading:

-Alone- Heart (ik u got a thing for those 80s jams so LISTEN OK it's so them "til now, i always got by on my own/ i never really cared until i met you/ and now it chills me to the bone/ how do i get you alone?" pls i swear bethyl has ruined so many songs for me but ESPECIALLY this one, i mean come onnn)

-Wildest Dreams- Taylor Swift (don't lie to me, maybe daryl isn't a swiftie but i can tell you might be, on the DL. the whole chorus is so this fic, what with the romance they know has to end, desperately creating memories so the other won't forget them. and tell me this line—"someday when you leave me/ i bet these memories/ follow you around"—isn't SO bethyl. like, do the words "you're gonna miss me so bad when i'm gone, daryl dixon" mean anything to u??

anyways, that about sums it up. sorry for the massive ask, except not really because i need to let this all out somewhere, and seeing how it's all ur fault...

LMAO hope all is well and happy writing booface xoxo 😘

Well hot damn. I’m not gonna lie, I panicked for a second when I read the first line of this ask, and then it made me smile like a crazy person 😂

I deeply apologize for ruining your week (kinda) and also HOLY HELL, you read all that in a weekend??? Are you okay????

I actually am genuinely sorry HGS wasn’t a direct sequel, but I’m glad you’re still enjoying it 😅 as far as an update goes, I have like half of the next chapter written, but I’ve been having some health issues this month that put me into a bit of a mental slump. It won’t be much longer before I continue tho.

Omg thank you for the song recs!!! Yes, I am a slut for the 80s songs (they give me so many vibes for this series), and yes, you are correct about me being a low key Swiftie (cruel summer has become like my anthem for the whole ifap series, can’t wait for you to see where it ends up being included.)

This ask made my whole day so thank you thank you thank you!!!! 🥰💞

(ps: “booface”? I see what you did there 👀😂😂)

[firespirited]

It'd been a while since I'd done a r-dblr purge (mark red and block if they are actively cruel to trans people within the first page of their blog. You'd think feminist issues would be the bulk of posting, it's r-dical feminism after all and all the issues are ongoing. BTW I don't block people for hating men, they have a right to vent and it takes time to understand the systems at play that do allow for decent men even if you're not ready to to partner with any cishet ones) I probably marked and blocked 150 today, many 18-24 years old, lots of them lonely.

Doing the scan of a blog to make sure I'm not marking someone who didn't get the dogwhistles in a bigoted post means you see a lot of the content they're angry about.

I too hate porn unless it's safe sane and enthusiastically consensual.

That means performers who know exactly what they are getting into, who have alternatives if they want a different job and can set boundaries without being pushed or blacklisted for it. The majority of porn doesn't fit but the advent of amateur, onlyfans and ethical studios gives people options to view porn where no-one is hurt.

I also believe that all viewers need to know that pron is sex stunts and some things will not work for them, cause chafing or stds, cause injury if perfomed for real. That should be part of the viewing, a little PSA 'don't try this at home we're actors, we rehearsed the hair pulling so no-one's scalp got torn and switched condoms and edited it out'. Honestly I find most of the porno tropes misogynistic, macho and racist even though we've mostly left gonzo behind.

Straight Male performers aren't allowed to be shown as into their partner... when behind the scenes they get quite tender, briefly besotted with their partner when it's not an ego driven star.

I also have hard boundaries about what kind of porn a partner would watch. I pay extra for no slavery in my chocolate and expect a partner diligent enough to get their porn from people not getting boundaries violated or work injuries.

But there's no nuance to rdfm anti porn stances. They're going off trafficking victims and Linda Lovelace's speeches when sex work like marriage is a whole spectrum from a heinous crime to chosen job. And we have the ability to hear from all of these women. What they really want from their industry, from activists, from society at large. The in person full contact sex workers I've known were doing it so they could be present during the day for their children or get a higher education without their study time consumed by a low wage job. Another was seeking validation and briefly being loved, her rl relationships kept imploding because it was never enough or she'd push them to see if they'd love her anyway. That wasn't exactly sane. But you can't force anyone into getting meds and therapy if they're not ready.

There were articles about how marriage hurts women who must leave their family and join the husbands and instead of talking about the part of the research that showed that women who got men to move in with them were able to negotiate better work and pay equality, it was just desist and kill all men.

Funnily enough it's my "not really feminist", "don't like the term" , mum who originally sent me the study with a quote from Moses in genesis explaining Gd's guidelines "Therefore a man must leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife". Funny how many abramic religious marriages ignore that you can't be momma's boy and a husband and definitely not move your wife in with your folks.

Anyway that's this month's observations, those who actually did have 2nd wave posts on top of hating on transness are very young and are often starting out with the non black non queer reading from 30 years ago after a superficial lib fem alignment with zero reading. Often in college or just out of college having been 'peaked' against what they perceive to be mainstream feminism after seeing crime and inequality statistics. If you're interested in reducing terfs, a good place to start is outreach and local online bookclub where you can get the word of intersectionality and sisterhood out before the gcs groom them.

There is an initial curiosity, there is still that spark but it is being answered with unnuanced conclusions with simple explanations and "solutions" that shut down futher investigation.

There were also a couple of detrans afabs who will probably choose to be gnc or non binary or retransition when they're more comfortable with how they can be men. This is a systematic problem with trans medicalism that wants to stick people into binary boxes and insist they perform masc men and femme women. That's not a patient based approach and it's part of the conservative restrictions on the way gender care is allowed to exist at the fringes of healthcare.

[cateyedfox36]

Hey! Heh Ryka Aoki. If you're going to write a book about how amazing donuts are (and aliens, demons, being trans and music but whatever) then you should include a coupon for donuts. So I can get some donuts. Bc I want donuts.

Also 3 books down for The Trans Rights Read-a-thon in one day.

To Bright to See by Kyle Lukoff was a short but intense middle reader about a kid named Bug who's having a crappy summer. They live in a haunted house that just got a lot more active, their beloved uncle died, middle schools starting in a few months, their moms business is struggling and their only friend is going full "girl mode" on them. On turns spooky, heartbreaking and sweet, I adored it. 5 stars!

Magical Boy vol 1 by The Kao. Holy fuck did I hurt everytime Max is dead named and misgendered. But this kid, his friends! They rock. Every kick in the gut you feel when his mom scolds him for not being girly enough (or at all since gd Max is a guy and gay and kind of a "It's clobberin' time' kinda dude) his friends are there to pump him up and affirm him. 5 stars!

Magical Boy vol 2 is the conclusion (Holy shit do we Stan a tight story that isn't bogged down w bs it sell more issues) we see the minions of Devoid getting bigger, bolder and parents are trying and ultimately get it right. And the lore! My friends, you will not be disappointed by the lore. Even if Max is a little Blaise about the whole thing. Another 5 stars!

[itsbeechtime]

yknow it's kinda weird that i've been having some freaky health converns and scares over the last year/have had such awful anxiety moments where i've barely been able to breathe or speak or think

and yet, when i think of where i was a year ago? compared to now? i wouldn't change a frickin thing.

no more grinning and bearing it for people who only liked certain aspects of me. no more just being the class clown or pushing myself beyond my means to communicate with/take care of/uplift people who very rarely (or in many cases, never) cared to reciprocate. no more confrontation adverse men who make me second guess my every thought and action. no more feeling like i'm the bad guy and i'm the asshole for simply asking for clearer boundaries of better communication or forcing myself to hang out in spaces where i'm uncomfortable.

and most of all: no more goddamn forcing myself to try to be the perfect big titty gamer wife to someone who prevented me from accepting my actual identity for a decade.

i may still be working through the whole "hey yeah why the fuck DIDN'T anyone stop me from going through with this relationship sooner, as a high school senior with a college junior. i feel like this power imbalance kinda sorta really fucked me up for a long time and tbe passive aggressive behavior/intense need to NEVER EVER BE APART/intense emphasis on being bullies to each other through the guise of "sarcasm" has resulted in some less than great emotional and mental shit" thing but hey

i fuckin got out. i fuckin DID IT. i might not be able to go over and scream at him and the others that have affected me this much, cuz i know at the end of the day i won't get the closure i want and it won't change anything.

but i can at least feel relief that i'm out. i have people who truly love and respect me and are seeing that, despite my health issues, i'm THRIVING. i've learned who my real friends are, i've gotten better at boundary settinf and standing up for myself, and i'm working on my patience/impulsiveness.

i'm gonna slowly learn how to love myself. i'm gonna get better. i'm gonna continue to surround myself by people who don't just want "the clown extrovert leader and mom friend who goes beyond their means for others". i'm not gonna be stagnant doing the same gd thinf day in and day out. i'm gonna go outside, touch grass, kiss my partner, hug my dog with my future beefcake arms, and frickin LIVE.

[kingmaker-a]

I genuinely loved just the progression of Kai and Heejin's relationship! Seeing Kai open up, and seeing them fall for each other OUGH so so good! Favorites were probably during/after the drift sequence, and the NECKLACE!!! Where the two of them are at their most vulnerable... made the break after 15 minutes all the more heartbreaking seriously. I'd love to know more about Jovians, Siegeball and what the drift entails really. Can I ask more about Jiwoo, Hyunjin, GD and BM? Oh, and pilots and wrights can be of any gender, right? How are pilots and wrights established?

It's absolutely lovely to hear from you again anon! Truly it brightens my day up.

Surprisingly, Minutes Before was supposed to be a part of one whole fic called Minutes Before, Minutes After. Though eventually Minutes Before slowly grew to a huge size.

Originally Heejin was supposed to have a smaller part, but I'm glad my efforts weren't wasted in slowly but surely fleshing out their relationship. Even if it took an immense amount of effort from my end.

The necklace is super important for symbolism reasons, so I'm glad the scene itself stuck out to you from a reading perspective because I had some worries going into it.

Now when it comes to the details of the world building, I'll do my best to answer what I can with the notes I have and @neon-city-dreams will reblog this ask with the finer details or answers, alright?

Now there are two major types of Jovians, Siegeball Jovians and what I call Combat/War Jovians, technically a third type gets worked on by Fox and Nix in the future, but neither of them have properly introduced. With the former being highly unlikely unless I plan on writing a proper third entry.

Siegeball Jovians, are immensely smaller than the combat variety and much weaker to boot. However due to their smaller size they only require one pilot and they're much easier to be repaired not that they're typically used for combat purposes.

Obviously used by Siegeball players as well as the pilots training at challenger academy, Kim Lip being one such transfer from Challengers.

Siegeball Jovians can be with some effort made into a War Jovian. Kai managed this by combining the parts from two Jovians, Glimpse and Ascendant, thus making their Jovian Glimpse Ascendant.

Combat/War Jovians are typically employed soldiers, mercenaries or corporations. They're also commonly found at Sanctum, these types of Jovians come in three different frame types, Light, Balanced and Heavy and are further diversified by two different anima options for each frame type.

Glimpse Ascendant is a Balanced type with a Paragon Anima, which allows it to use a fractal to construct any known weapons it has on file in the field regardless of frame limitation, however Kai is unable to use it to it's full potential due to a mixture of power issues and Heejin's preference for ranged weaponry.

The Minutes series will mostly focus on balanced types, an example of the other anima option would be Nix's Bolide Phoenix which uses a Vanquisher anima which allows it to get stronger the longer a fight goes on.

While I won't go into too much details, BM and GD's Knight's Vow is a heavy frame, while Jiwoo ends up working with a Nimble frame called Dark Divine?

I'll be real I don't know too much about the drift even if I've arguably written the most about it. But to my knowledge the drift is your brain syncing up with another to pilot a massive titan of steel and thus becoming one side each of a brain.

With that territory comes interesting side effects that grow stronger the higher your compatibility. Such as just knowing where they are which is limited in range until a certain compatibility level, being able to feel their emotional state, as well as brief glimpses into thoughts. As well as an odd byproduct of them getting intoxicated in your stead.

However most of those are things that happen outside of the drift as a byproduct. The drift like mentioned earlier is a connection between two people as seen between Heejin and Kai, you don't get to choose what you see or what other people see during the initial moments of drift. As a result of the information being shared between brains there can be some bleed through which allows a pilot or a Wright to gain some skills from the other. It's typically a mutual exchange.

The drift is known to be statistically harder on Wrights rather than Pilots for some reason. Some people believe it's because the Wright already has to deal with mega font of information without the inclusion of the Pilot's brain leaking into theirs.

The stronger one of the duo in the drift tends to shield the other from information overload by pulling them into a Drift Palace, commonly the Pilot is the one to do so, especially in mutually inexperienced duos. However in rare cases such as Kai it can be the Wright.

A Drift Palace can also be manifested during times of stress or trauma to protect the other, such is the case when Heejin pulls Kai into hers.

Jiwoo, Hyunjin, BM and by extension GD as his retainer belong to a group of friends called the Heirs, which aren't fully represented at Sanctum with some of the members joining Sanctum academy in the next yearly intake such as Nix and Siyeon.

Jiwoo is the heir of House Diogenes, known for her overall cunning nature in the pursuit of money or deals. She's often reliable if you have her on your side and is quite capable of getting almost anything for the right price.

Considered herself something of an older sister to Heejin.

Hyunjin, otherwise known as Prince Godfrey is the heir to the Noble House of Godfrey and next in line for throne after his sister gave up the Godfrey name. Something of an enigma to Kai he seems to have an interesting relationship with LE the Wright for Rogue Nemesis.

BM is the heir to house Artorian an overall ride or die homeboy with a slice of himbo energy. Considered Nix's best friend, as well as an older brother to most of the Heirs.

I don't have too many details on GD aside from what Neon has decided to bless me with, but GD as mentioned is the adopted son of Ravine, one time world champion alongside his team called Mirage. He's also BM's retainer which means he's commonly brought along to any noble affairs that BM is and is typically afforded those same rights. He's also Gritinan much like Kai.

Pilots and Wrights can be of any gender, however it is typically rare for someone to be capable of both excluding members of the Noble Houses, not too sure on the Vassal front.

Typically, Wrights go to the Engineer academy and Pilots go to Challengers Academy in order to be able to fulfill each role. At least that's my understanding on the matter.

However if you can pass Sanctum's entry requirements you're allowed to enroll in Sanctum Academy, much like Kai who managed to build a full Jovian by themself.

Neon will reblog this with anything I missed or correct anything I got egregiously wrong.

I'll be real I didn't expect to get another ask, actually asking some more questions. It's super heart warming and I'm super glad someone is into something I wrote.

Now if you've managed to reach the bottom of this ask without your eyes glazing over, I'd like to ask you some more questions if you don't mind.

What are your expectations with Minutes After? Is there anything that you expect to happen or that you'd like to see? What are your thoughts on Lip's extremely brief introduction?

Finally, even though it was only a brief Novella what are your thoughts on the world and how I've written it? At least from what you've read so far. I might even reward you with a teaser 😉

[meme-sauce]

I was gonna put this on a post about twitter armchair political science, but then it turned into a GD essay. So, if you want a (relatively short?) read on military strategy, nuclear forces, and a bit on Ukraine, click the read more.

First of all, the idea of nuclear winter is highly debated. In this article, the author talks about how in 1987, nuclear winter was disproven and how it would be much more likely for a "nuclear autumn" to take place. Scientists now are trying to reverse this thought, but found that many U.S. leaders had bought into the disproval of nuclear winter. This raises an important question that Steven Starr (the articles author) brings up: "Do U.S. military and political leaders fully understand the consequences of nuclear war?" The quick answer is... no. These studies can only exist theoretically, up until The Day. The uncertainty might not be a bad thing though - people might be less willing to hit the button if they don't exactly know what it's effects are going to be.

This comes to the point of nuclear weapons being in their inherent taboo. For more reading on this, I recommend "Arms and Influence" by Thomas Schelling and "The Logic of American Nuclear Strategy" by Matthew Kroenig. In the former, Schelling brings up that nuclear weapons can be scaled down to the level of conventional weapons. The only reason we haven't used them in combat since Hiroshima and Nagasaki is because of this shared understanding of taboo, a taboo that hasn't been broken in like 70 years. Nuclear weapons are used in the context of Tacit Bargaining. This is in deterrence ("if you don't I won't") and compellence ("if you don't, we will..."). These are used on smaller scales, but with the advent of nukes there was a whole 'nother level added to this exchange.

This is where we come to Kroenig. He has this article but it might be paywalled if you don't have Jstor, so I'll give it my best explanation. He writes that

"A standoff between nuclear-armed opponents is a nuclear crisis whether or not nuclear weapons are used, are explicitly threatened, or are the subject of dispute, because the very existence of nuclear weapons and the possibility that that could be used have a decisive bearing on bargaining dynamics."

As Schelling observed earlier, "states can not credibly threaten a nuclear attack, but they can make 'a threat that leave something to chance.'" Essentially, nuclear bargaining becomes a competition in risk taking. As such, Kroenig develops the Superiority-Brinkmanship theory. I don't have his book right now (I gave it to my dad as a Christmas gift), but from what I remember and have read, he rejects the idea of mutually assured destruction and instead looks at the strategy of having nuclear weapons.

Brinkmanship is, at it's most simple, the shared assumption of risk. Think of Walter White getting out of being killed by Gus by making sure that he's the only one who can cook the product as well as Gus needs it. Is risk of dying is shared with Gus's risk of losing profit.

With Brinkmanship, there has to be a level of credibility though. Schelling uses the example of two people on a cliff (I'm assuming tied to each other); if one goes down, the other will too. This being said, the risk of falling has to be made clear - by either accident (the conditions are unstable so we might go down with no choice of our own) or by projected "irrationality" ("I'm starting to slip and if you don't pull back right now we're both going down). In this sense, it becomes mutually assured preservation.

This is under the assumption that nobody wants war. They will pull back when the risk is too high. The bitch of the issue though, is finding the line of risk. If the threat isn't proportional to the risk, things can go wrong. The adversary might just say "fuck it, we ball" if the threat is too under or overwhelming.

Now a lot of people think that the solution to nuclear war is just to get rid of nuclear weapons all together. This is cool in theory, but from a realist perspective will never work. States will never give up their power, they don't want to and no one trusts that other states will hold up their end of the bargain. This is where superiority gets important.

The U.S. maintaining a superior nuclear arsenal is beneficial to maintaining peace. States in a war can either win, lose, or suffer disaster. There is a back and forth of escalation, and usually the less-powerful state will backdown first because while losing isn't preferred, it is better than suffering disaster. This is where the first and second strike capabilities come in when you are building your strategy. I'm not going to get into it because this is already so long but basically you need to prove that you have a "stunning" first strike capability (the capability to effectively wipe out the adversaries forces in a single swoop). Most states do not have a second strike capability, so this imbalance "can make nuclear war more costly for some states than others." (Kroenig, 148)

Generally, the United States is superior in terms of our nuclear arsenal (we have more deployed and the help of allies if need be). This means if Putin breaks the nuclear taboo in Russia, the U.S. is going to put him in a world of pain. Of course, this is an issue of showing resolve: if Putin thinks he has more resolve, he might just do it. But the U.S. warned him of "catastrophic consequences" if he were to do that. (This is deterrence, "if you don't we won't.").

Putin now has to think of our resolve: how committed are we to the bit? We're pretty committed, because if we make this claim and don't follow through, we risk losing "face," or international reputation. So is he willing to risk it, knowing that he will likely be sacrificing a good portion of his nuclear arsenal? Would he rather lose Ukraine, or suffer disaster?

With the idea that states don't want war, I'd say he'd rather lose Ukraine. He doesn't want to fall off the cliff any more than we do.

[brw]

003 - Hank Pym

How I feel about this character

he's so..... highly underrated i wish more people loved him like i did bc he's SO fun. highly manic mad scientist who talks to and occasionally cries over ants and fights crime by turning real small. PEAK character design. he's my beloved he's literally me he NEEDS to seek professional help he's incredibly proficent and one of the ogs and is an absolute human trainwreck but he's doing his best n he's also a dad. we need legit nothing else.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character

HANK/GREER MY BELOVED.... they are literally so perfect they have seen each other at their worst n still love each other they have so much respect for one another they try so hard..... she's a hot milf tiger lady he's a hot dilf ant man. they are perfect!!! literally one of my fave couples i love them n their weird skrull cat son. marvel please bring them back.

uhhhh early tales to astonish hank & janet is SO funny i am still not over him randomly being like hey jan.... do u want cyborg wasp wings to make up for your fathers death like king WHAT!

also shout out to goliant / bill&hank they r SO cute best friends to lovers beat they respect each other bill is one of the very few people hank trusts n vice versa bill has so much respect & trust in hank n what he does they are. so very perfect.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character

its hard to say bc he has? not a lot of friends due to generally being very Untrusting as a rule but i would say he has a VERY cute dynamic w/ hank mccoy

ALSO love his vibe with clint / hawkeye they are pathetic blond divorced guy 4 pathetic blond divorced guy.

and of course his general vibe with his assorted children however will also add hank & wanda,,,, this is much more fanon but there’s a panel in this series perez did and janet mentions wanda being disappointed when she & hank didnt get back together at WCA, and during the YJ mess she says they seemed so perfect & i’ve always hc’d it as being part of their neurodivergence, like she relates to hank & feels that if he can have a successful relationship so can she. idk there’s a lot of potential there. PLUS she made him his goliath blue&yellow fit n she was literally his grantdaughter in law so! marvel please let hank be wanda’s avengers dad!!

My unpopular opinion about this character:

aside from the obvious i think becoming an avenger was on a whole a bad thing for hank. he should be a spider-man level character who occasionally pitches in to help & occasionally has just the right skillset to save the day but he should mostly do his own thing. he’s honestly not that good a team player and the avengers consistently have proven not to be an adequate support system so i think he needs to build his own away from them on his own terms.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

MEETING HIS DAUGHTER. HAVING HIS DAUGHTER N SON (william) TOGETHER. RICK REMENDER NOT HAPPENING. DETATCHING FROM PYMTON. also an in depth look abt how growing up in a more impoverished way affects his worldview & his approach to his mental health issues & the distance between him & jan, tony, reed etc that kept him from reaching out when he was unwell, & also a frank discussion abt keeping different things juggling when u have different meds to take, different coping mechanisms, appointments, etc. i would ideally also like to see him address the ableism he’s faced bc gd. its a lot. tldr marvel let me write a hank pym solo i would be so good at it.

Favorite friendship for this character

BILL & HANK. BY MILES THEY R SO CUTE. also ofc janet & hank their friendship is very important to me and bruce & hank. we don’t see a lot of it but hank obviously must trust bruce a lot if he’s willing to share his work with him, n they r both. mentally ill. also hank is one of his few friends that didnt fuckin uhhh shoot him into space bruce would appreciate that. again mentioning wanda & hank and simon & hank! i love how supportive in wildly different ways simon & hank r with each others anxiety!!

My crossover ship

hank / people who will not do fuck all when he loses his identity & sense of self </3

ask game for fandoms, ships & characters.

[supercantaloupe]

i am going to attempt to put some of my feelings into words now, actually. if you don’t already know me: hi, i’m supercantaloupe, and i’m that jew who wrote a really long post about tuc’s cultural representation (especially focusing on its relative lack of jewish rep) a few days ago! if you didn’t read it (and i don’t blame you bc that sucker was Long) i stated my frustrations/disappointments with tuc in regard to its jewish representation, expressed my ambivalence/mixed feelings towards its representation of other cultures, and stressed my continuing (if slightly cautious) interest in and love for the show despite its flaws. 

i know these episodes are prerecorded, but i can’t help but feel like tonight’s episode was almost tailor-made to respond to my thoughts. the biggest issue i took in tuc’s representation of jewish people is simply the lack of it -- an issue which is not 100% immediately retconned and remedied by the introduction of rabbi mike saulters, but it damn well does a lot to improve things. 

now we have more willy content! now we have more willy content that is authentic to jewish lore regarding golems! the whole thing about being animated with the hebrew word אמת (”truth”) and disanimated by erasing the first word so it reads מת (”dead”) is a real aspect of golem mythology in judaism! from the moment willy was mentioned as not doing so well in the beginning of the season i had a suspicion he was being disanimated, and when brennan mentioned the letters in his mouth tonight i could barely contain my joy. 

and then who does kingston get to help? not just a jew, but a black, visually orthodox/conservative rabbi. this is the first fully original human character in tuc who is jewish, and jewish in very visible obvious ways. he’s a rabbi, he’s visibly jewish (he wears a kippah and tallit katan, the prayer shawl worn under his shirt with the tzitzit (fringes) danging below), he’s a kabbalist (kabbalah is jewish mysticism, a closed practice to nonjews and often considered off-limits even to those who are not already learned torah scholars -- i personally think this is a very neat way to tie judaism into the magic of the unsleeping city!), and he’s black. if jews in media are underrepresented in general, black jews are way more so; especially in nyc, with a large jewish population that is also perceived as largely or entirely lightskinned/white-passing, the deliberate choice to make rabbi mike saulter black is huge.

the fact that rabbi saulter has been kingston’s friend for so long he helped with the met mummy quest almost thirty years ago. the fact that rabbi saulter talks like a jewish person (referring to gd as hashem and having a blessing in hebrew ready to go for literally any occasion reminds me so much of, like, every rabbi i know). the fact that the theme of null erasing history and cultural memory directly thematically ties in with real issues facing american jewry today; when brennan talked about kids from the neighborhood not being able to read hebrew anymore, i felt that. null erasing the letter א to disanimate willy explicitly parallels the way pete named null in the first place, by seeing them erase the words in latin from the building in nod. that this threat of erasing history ties directly and mechanically into the lore of golems is very cool and well implemented! but also...my mother grew up going to hebrew school, learned to read and speak hebrew, went to summer camp, went to israel, actually learned the language. i grew up going to hebrew school and i only learned enough hebrew to get me through my bat mitzvah -- i’m barely literate, nowhere even close to conversational, and deeply disappointed that i never got this part of my culture growing up. this problem brought up by rabbi saulter and willy in the show is real, and i feel it. 

i cannot fully express my excitement and joy at finally seeing more jews in tuc, and seeing jewish culture tying into the story in an important way. and i’m for sure not the only one who feels this way about seeing themselves represented in the show: i watched tonight’s episode with a chinese-american friend of mine, and the excitement and joy she expressed to me hearing about and meeting the shen family was infectious. does tuc still have its problems? yeah, for sure, and one episoded of good rep does not absolve any past mistakes or retcon anything bad into suddenly being good. but as a step forward, tonight’s episode was a really big one for me. and i’m really, really happy about it.

[wenevergotusedtoegypt]

I’ve had my first 2 ever high fasting numbers recently (only a little high, actually right on the edge of being ok according to some doctors, but mine is a bit stricter). I was looking at my food logs tonight to see if there were any similarities between what I ate the night before with each of those…and it turns out those 2 nights, we had the same dinner, which I had not had at any other time since being diagnosed with GD. My numbers post-dinner both times were totally reasonable (95 and 100 respectively, when they have to be under 140), and I don’t get why the foods in question could possibly cause an issue?? but the pattern is there.

Literally just a 3-egg omelette with 2 slices of cheese inside and some whole wheat crackers on the side! I eat those same crackers with that same cheese most days for lunch, and I eat eggs all the time. And again, the post-meal numbers were great. But unless it’s a total coincidence, the fasting number the next morning somehow got messed up by this seemingly innocuous combo??