#a world which its characters are constantly struggling to achieve and constantly losing once the next game starts

[subsequentibis]

literally feel like ulysses ogre any time i start trying to type out meta analysis posts about anything

[just2bubbly]

Sometimes Love Stays

Masterlist

TLC Ship Week 2021!

*written for tlcshipweek2021- kaider for the prompt 'In another life'

@kaiderforever

Summary

"Hmm.."

"Do you?"

"Wish you happiness? Yeah, Kai, I do- with all my heart."

"I wish you were happiness!"

Sometimes love becomes stronger overcoming the obstacles thrown along your path, but when the obstacles never end and you become tired enough to want to stop, will 'Love' help overcome the new problem or would it be succumbed to obstacle?

When their future doesn't play out as they want to, will they dare to take a chance or lose everything without trying?

Reading an article, Cinder is thrown back into the past, trying to figure out if the choices she made were right.

A look at Kai and Cinder's relationship through newspaper article fragments.

--

Ship: Kaider

Words: 3.2k

Genre: Angst

Prompt: 'In Another Life'

Note: A Canon Divergence AU from Winter- major character/ relationship reflection. Bold contexts are newspaper articles!

Cinder's Perspective:

"Sometimes love stays."

The article read and Cinder could not bring it upon herself to understand the implications of those three words. She considered it was the most preposterous sentence to start a piece of news informing about a break-up. Her mind could only fathom that a hopeless romantic had written this article, one who most certainly believed in unrequited love and stuff- That she could be sure from the very first line. "Many times love seems to not reside in a relationship as the lovers struggle to continue to live together after years of togetherness, but this does not appear to be the case in the infamous royal courtship that lasted for over 10 years but was suddenly called off 2 years ago- Yes, we are talking about no one but The Emperor of Eastern Commonwealth and The Queen of Luna- " Cinder seemed to convince herself that she was only reading it because it was the most trending news on Earth. Yet it was no new news to her or even anyone on Earth and the saint forsaken rock Luna as well. The article had become famous only for its illustrating language and artistic words that seemed to give the entire ordeal a new look. Hence, after having ignored, overlooked and unseen the article, its rumours and the stink eye that her aristocrats sent along her way. She finally decided to read it and fucking get over it- just like she got over him. It was fucking simple until it was not. "The infamous break-up of The Emperor of EC and the Queen of Luna happens to be no news to us. It has been two years since the two royals called off their relationship in the name of diplomatic and personal reasons. However, it appears that the years apart have done no good to their awkward and unresolved heartfelt tension." She wondered which newbie journalist had decided to write about this- about them, the two lovers madly in love with each other, stubborn enough to put others above themselves and naive enough to let it all go. She could feel her body going stiff as she tried to muster up the courage to continue reading. Her mind going numb just like it always did when thoughts of Kai resurfaced. The memories and the murmurs, their banters, his adoration all seemed to drown her with misery- one where she could not shed a single tear but only carry the overwhelming weight of the past of what they had- of what they had lost. It had been good- going at first with the frequent comms in their free time, flying kisses from literally two different worlds, exchanging gifts thanks to the Rampion, jumping at the first chance to meet each other. They were happy and yet they were not. With near to 10 years into being the Queen of Luna, she had thought that maybe she had given her bit to the moon, and now she could step down from her role and convert Luna into a republican state. She had planned her future, their future, the future of thousands of people and had acted accordingly to liberate Luna from the clutches of a single person, forgetting about what the people would have to say about it? Apparently, Lunars loved royalty more than equal representation! Consequently, when she had put the matters of 'abolition of monarchy' to vote she had been made a fool in her own court with the outcome - her vote against all of them. When she had demanded an explanation out of Iko for such a bizarre scenario. She had acknowledged, "They seem to like you as their Queen. It is clear they don't want you to step down!?" "But what about equal representation?" "Cinder you are already giving it to them!" "And what about the aristocrats- Don't they want more say in the administration?" "They do want it but not with the responsibility. Thus they have started preaching about royalty and stuff..." she trailed. Dumbstruck, she had thought how can one gift someone freedom when they don't want it? That's where things started looking down. This made all her plans go downhill. Because hadn't she planned that she would step down, abolish the monarchy and turn it into a Republican government? Hadn't she decided she would be free to live her own life on Earth?

Hadn't she wondered how she would travel with Thorne on Rampion- be truly free for once in her life before having to settle down? Before having to go to New Beijing.

Hadn't they planned that they would stay together- and with every passing day weren't they coming near to achieving their intention to constantly stay together and make up for all the physical affection they had been deprived of over the years? Wasn't it what their future was going to be off? With this new hurdle, plans had to be changed and when she had mentioned this to Kai, he was grief-stricken. Even then, they came up with alternatives, for at that time it was clear- they wanted to spend the rest of their together. They had discussed spending their time between Earth and Luna, tackling the barriers of distance and royalty. It's not like they did not try, it's just that every time they strived harder to stay together- fate made it impossible to. A year later, the realization dawned upon her. It had really taken a long time but it had finally crashed- the full reality of their long-distance engagement relationship, that maybe it was taking a toll on them. That maybe they would not survive through all the distance separating them. She had been avoiding thinking about it lately but she knew even if they tried it was not going to work out, that sooner or later they would have to call it off. 'Call what off?' She had asked herself, wondering how things were going to change. 'All of it' a tiny voice in her mind replied. The engagement, the relationship. Everything. That night she decided against comming Kai, instead, she confronted Iko speaking of her troubling thoughts aloud and from the dark blue, somewhat grey colours of her eyes, Cinder understood how truly sorry she was.

She sat in the arms of Iko, wanting to whine, yell and cry. However, the cruel fate left her with a throbbing sensation in her head and an itchy feeling in the throat. She wanted to see Kai, but she had not the heart to tell him the truth. She presumed he already knew what was troubling her- troubling them. She had not the courage to see the sorrow on his face, so she pretended that everything was fine even when it was not. She smiled and teased him at all the opportunities she could possibly get knowing very well that one day that they would have to stop. One day he would have someone else do that to him. Therefore the next time she had gone on Earth she had confessed it to him. He had listened patiently without a word and had calmly accepted it. The unforgettable silence that followed would haunt Cinder forever. She thought they had fooled themselves enough trying to make the impossible happen, justifying their actions as a result of love. In the end, he had sighed, tears reflecting in his copper-brown orbs and croaked, "I guess this is the end?" She had nodded failing to meet his eyes. "Sorry, Kai", she had uttered, feeling every ounce guilty and sorrowful. They had stood like that for a long time, feet shuffling- gazes never meeting each other until he was called. He did not shed a single tear before her. On her last night at the Palace, she felt a sort of Deja-Vu for all the things around her. Her thoughts roamed around only a single thing- 'After today, this place would no longer be home'. He had come to her room that night and once they had gotten over the awkward small talk of the breakup, he had launched at her and hugged her till her bones crushed. "I love you," he whimpered. "Don't forget it- don't forget it, Cinder. Even when you go to that fucking rock in the sky." And Cinder could feel something warm- not inside her but on her shoulders.

Kai's tears had been falling on her shoulders and she had chanted sorry all the time they stayed like that.

'What do you do to calm two heartbroken souls?'

He was in her arms hearing her speak, though her words were not soothing, they did not reduce his grief like they ought to. They were bitter truth of their future, their fate. They were apologies for what they had lost. Her words were not comforting. She was not going to tell him how they will be fine when she knew they would not. There was no point lying- telling him nicely painted lies of their future when their present was broken like that. She had no idea how but they fell asleep together, a mess of tumbled limbs on the carpet for the last time. And when the streaks of sunlight fell over their sleeping forms, it was not out of hope.

"It seems that it's over for the two royals, one of them the Queen of Luna and the other The Emperor of Eastern Commonwealth. Queen Selene, 26 and Emperor Kaito, 28 called off their relationship yesterday. Emperor Kaito in his latest press speech stated that "Myself and Queen Selene are no longer together- we have parted ways on good terms. However, we are no longer involved," when one of the reporters asked if there was any wedding to be expected soon. The Queen of Luna also addressed this in one of her official posts, saying "It's been great 10 years with Kai but we can no longer stay together," with a bittersweet smile. The two refuse to brief about this. It just seems like just yesterday they were THE happier and attractive couple dancing at the Annual Peace Ball and -well now they are not, we are sure their fans all around must be heartbroken but worry not you can catch up on their relationship through the years-" Two months later, they formally announced their break-up. They called off everything- all of it just like she had thought. The world did not know- they did not know how Kai had gone down on his knees and she had said yes before he could even ask. How she had pieces of her never- going to happen wedding vows drafted somewhere in her brain. It was only them, Torin, Iko and their friends who knew the disaster of grief they had unrolled in their life. He had refused to take the ring back, "Keep it to remember me by." He had insisted and she had not-so jokingly replied, "I don't need jewels to remember you by." Returning to Luna had been the harder task, She-They had cut off all ties except maybe friendship (?) but things were going to be different- they are different.

It felt hollow for months later, she drowned herself in work to forget about the messy-haired boy, to forget that there was no one waiting for her comms now, that she did not have someone to whisper 'I love you's too', to kiss him and be found by someone, no reason for Thorne to shout 'Get a room.'

She had for the first few days been hopeless- locking herself up, both metaphorically and literally only to realize that Kai had been an integral part of her daily schedule and world even from thousands of miles away. The breaks that she once looked forward too, taunted her of what she had lost- so she was hell-bent on working the day without breaks. She forced her mind to not stray around to the boy on Earth. The only moment she had let her guard down was when Thorne was visiting- because he was her BFF and wasn't he the one who teased her all along about Kai and his heavenly copper-brown eyes? Wasn't he going to be her rock where she had lost her anchor? At the sight of his friend's dark circles, thinner than the usual frame, Thorne and Cress had bear-hugged her and the only thing that she felt was it felt good to be embraced by someone other than Iko. 'I'm so sorry, Cinder', Thorne had said and she had croaked, "Don't be sorry." She had cracked that day.

"I DON'T WANT PITY THORNE, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR HOW PEOPLE THOUGHT WE WOULD GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. I DON'T WANT THE MEDIA TO TELL ME HOW WE LOOKED GOOD TOGETHER. I FUCKING HATE LUNARS TELLING ME THAT THEY HOPE I FEEL BETTER. AM I NOT IN THIS CONDITION BECAUSE THEY CHOOSE TO BE SELFISH? THORNE, I WANT TO CRY AND MY STUPID CYBERNETICS WOULD NOT EVEN ALLOW BE TO CRY FOR MY EX-FIANCEE." She might have been a bit tipsy to blow up like that but she was past caring. She had been pretending that everything was fine while she was falling apart inside. "What sort of cruel joke is this? Haven't I already endured enough? I don't want anyone's fucking apologies. I don't want that crap, I- I want K-Kai."

She yelled as her face echoed pain. "Do I not deserve love, Thorne?" She had demanded, looking very vulnerable. She never said a word after that. The next big blow came when she had attended the world leader summit. Thankfully, it was a virtual thing or she could not have gone through the entire ceremony without a mental breakdown. She had felt the air knock out of her lungs at the sight of Kai after six whole months. He looked paler than normal, his always messed up hair looked neatly fixed in place with layers of hair gel. And his ever blinding grin present at even stupid meetings like this was now merely his lips pressed together in a thin line.

How was Kai who was her joy in human form suddenly became the picture of grief? She wondered how she looked to him if even he was out of breath at the sight of her- realizing how she was drifting away from the main reason she was attending the summit, she forced herself to look at anywhere but him. That night she slept thinking about how she was not the only one suffering. "-The Emperor of EC starts a new journey in his life at 30. However, there are no wedding bells in the air as of now, making the world and the EC anticipate the future of their Emperor and their nation. At 30, the Emperor not committed to anyone nor having any living heir had caused multiple questions to be unanswered about the legacy after him. Hopefully, he will find his partner to secure their future until then we wish him a Very Happy Birthday!" Marriage. Wedding. Love. Hadn't it been what they had lost? She knew this was going to happen. Then why did she feel like drowning all over again? Why did her heart shatter yet again? He was no longer hers to worry about...Was he even part of her world anymore? She knew it very well that he was supposed to marry someone. He must marry someone and have an heir to the Commonwealth. Cinder was asked to do the very same thing. They were monarchs who had to keep their legacies alive. The next time she was invited for the Annual Peace Ball, Kai had cornered and said, "They want me to get married." "Tell me you are saying this because you want the ring back." She had jokingly said, swallowing the sadness and jealously that threatened to submerge her. Her mind asked if he would go down on his knees at the Ball just like he had done for Levana. But that was just her stupidity, misery and desperation mixed together. How was her tyrant aunt going to manage her marriage with Kai by living on Luna along with her sinister motives?! "Cinder" "Kai", she pleaded, underlying the please without saying it. She averted her eyes and nonchalantly asked," Have someone in mind?" "No", he replied without a beat, making her at ease but what he said next crushed her healing heart again. "But I have someone in my heart." She could not stand around him without wanting to kiss him senseless. Therefore, she said, "I wish you happiness, Kai." And tried to walk away until he questioned, "Do you?" "Hmm.." she replied, looking back at him. "Do you?" He repeated. "Wish you happiness? Yeah, Kai, I do- with all my heart." "I wish you were happiness!" Looking at his lean frame dressed in the colours of EC she dared to speak, "I wish that too." She had not returned after that episode but maybe she would have to. Soon. "The Emperor has been sighted with Chen Daiyu, daughter of Chen Zian, the Chief Commandant of Light Chariot, she is an activist working towards the liberation of perils faced by cyborgs in modern society, along with being a psychotherapist by service. It's not the first time that they have been seen together making people hope that it's not the last. There are rumours about their courting with no confirmation from any one of the two-It appears the Emperor has finally moved on from his last date with Queen Selene. Only time will tell if the Emperor has found his Empress or not." She could not blame anyone. They were just pressing time trying to avoid some inescapable future- yet why did her mind ask if he had learned Chen Daiyu's favourite flowers? or Did he hold her as he had held her once? Wondered if he explained to her why there was a cyborg's foot in his room? She was cursing goddamn every star because it was not just him but even she was looking into suitors!? She had gone on dates with a few, noticing how one of them grinned like Kai with a dimple on his left cheek, how someone scratched their necks when they were flustered or how some of them had a struggle keeping their hair in place- without wanting to she was searching for Kai everywhere in them. None of the two was married yet. It was okay to imagine about him for a while. It was okay for grief to overwhelm her. Maybe that's what she needed to

move on from her past.

Had they moved on? Had they stopped loving each other? 'NO!'- she shook her head violently to no one in particular.

She loved him even now. There will always be some part of her mind that will love him. Maybe it was treasuring their memories while making new ones. Two years later reading an article about them, she thought if maybe she had tried harder, would they be together? Alas, there was no point fantasizing when both time and distance had separated them? Could they start from where they had left? Or would they be two broken pieces no longer fitting?

"Sometimes love stays," The article read again. "But lover's don't." Maybe if distance, time and qualms of royalty were not preventing them then things could have been different, their lives could have been different. Perhaps in a life with different circumstances, they would have been together unlike this one- where they had briefly touched, in another life possibly their tale could have had a happy ending. Maybe if she was Cinder and not Queen Selene Channary Jannali Blackburn of Luna, and if he was just Kai and not Emperor Kaito of the Eastern Commonwealth then they would have made it till the end.

But they were not and that's what mattered. __

A/N: We are done! :)

I know you would likely want to hit me right now since I promised certain someone that there would be no angsty fics for at least a few months and yet HERE I AM!

I have kinda portrayed Iko in this really bad, so sorry about that! And you have no idea how much frustrated I was that Cinder could not cry, like crying is such a essential part of human behavior and having to describe her grief without tears was certainly a challenge. I hope I did her character well- You guys have no idea how much break-up articles I have read just to get the news articles right. I might as well do a course on journalism later ;)

Was that a bit too much angst? and yeah in this fic they are secretly engaged!

This was written for the TLC Ship Week, the word prompt for this one was 'In Another Life'. However, I had already planned it beforehand with no idea of  how the ship-week was going to give me the perfect opportunity to post this. I know I'm cruel right?

This idea had been going a lot in my mind since I made @salt-warrior write her fic 'Anyone Else', and read the fic 'After' on AO3, along with 'Once' by @/betaluz. I just thought that maybe Cinder failed to get past the boundaries of royalty on Luna and converting it into a Republican, wondering if that happened what would happen to her relationship with Kai. Hence, this sudden angsty take.

Tell me which is your favorite part from this?

And don't worry I have more angst lined up for you! <3

Taglist: @cinderswrench @gingerale2017 @linhcinder686 @shellyseashell @ladyvesuvia @shelbylmkaider @levanariddle @cindersassasin @kaider-is-my-otp (Tell me if you wanna be added/removed)

[sunbaekery]

Coming Soon: Kiss and Tell

I’m super excited to introduce my newest Special — Kiss and Tell. It’s a project I’ve been thinking about for a while now and while I’ve only been writing drabbles or short oneshots, I really wanted to try my hand at writing longer stories. I don’t know how long each story will be and I don’t know how long this project will take, but I hope that you’ll support me on my writing journey.

These stories will be written in a 3rd person limited (members thoughts) with fem ocs.

Teaser(total): 0.8k

For centuries, kisses have been a way to express emotions, and whether it's a passionate liplock between lovers or a loving kiss from parent to child, each kiss has a story behind it. Kiss and Tell follows the lives of 7 young men, all at different stages of life, and the story behind their kiss.

Jisung's Story

Jisung is your standard awkward high school student: he plays video games till 2 a.m., cleans his room only when his mother nags him for the hundredth time, and struggles to form coherent sentences in front of the girl he's been crushing on: Kim Yeri. With the annual summer fair coming up, The Carnival, and college looming on the horizon, he finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and to his surprise, she agreed. This should be it: he's finally getting his chance at the sappy high school romance he's been waiting for, so then why can't he stop thinking about the little mole on the lower right corner of his best friend's lips

Item: Bites, Desert

Allergen Warnings: Profanity, Crude Humor, etc.

Expected Release: In August

Haechan's Story

Haechan has always been the funny guy, always putting a smile on other people's faces and making them feel as if they've known each other for years, even if they've just met for a few minutes. So when he finally meets the girl with impeccable timing for jokes that almost rivals his… almost, you can bet he married her as soon as he could. But life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it, and Haechan's idyllic life is shattered in an instant.

Item: Bites, Namericano

Allergen Warnings: Major Character Death, Pregnancy, Grief, etc.

Mark's Story

Mark is twenty-two years old, a recent college graduate, young, capable, and ready to face the world. Sure, he earned a degree in Musical Composition, which, in hindsight, may not be the safest career choice. Still, it was a crucial part of him, and with a support system like his, his loving parents, sympathetic brother, and an angel of a girlfriend, who wouldn't pursue it. But Mark wasn't prepared for the world to come to him; he is offered a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, the only problem being that it is halfway across the globe — truly putting the distance in long distance. Mark must decide whether his love or his dream is more important to him.

Item: Bites, Namericano

Allergen Warnings: Not Applicable for now

Renjun's Story

Renjun is eleven years old... okay, ten and a half, and he's about to start his last year of elementary school. He's a big kid now, but he doesn't feel like it; in fact, he misses his parents, who are constantly shooing him away with excuses about working hard to achieve a pormoshin... promortion... or something like that. He is tired and irritable, and all he wants to do is curl up into a small ball and hide from the world, which he does most of the time because students and teachers prefer to ignore him rather than deal with his tantrums. With the start of a new school year comes a new teacher, one who doesn't seem to take no for an answer. Will Renjun finally open up, or will she, like everyone else, lose interest in him?

Item: Bites, Mocha

Allergen Warnings: Anxiety, Bullying, Negligence

Jaemin's Story

If someone had told seventeen-year-old Jaemin that at age twenty-seven, he would be living in a much too small apartment, having an affair with his much older, married neighbor, who always promised to leave her husband for him, but never did, and still hadn't pursued his photography dream because he was too much of coward and still cared about what people thought of him, he would have punched that person in the face, and obnoxiously yell very choice words. And yet here he was, exactly that; there was no need to beat around the bush, Na Jaemin was a complete loser.

Item: Bites, Mocha

Allergen Warnings: Age-Gap, Suggestive Scenes, Cheating, Insecurity, etc

Chenle's Story

Chenle is a "late bloomer." Not professionally, of course, graduating from the country's top business school at the age of 18, starting and successfully building a fortune 500 company by the age of 25, and now owning a thriving business empire at the age of 40, Chenle was undoubtedly fortunate in that aspect of his life, his romantic life, however, not so much. So at the age of 40, Chenle decided to try his hand at online dating, and after some questionable, read disastrous dates, he's finally met a serious-relationship worthy woman and Chenle swears he can smell love in the air. Little did Chenle know that trouble was on its way, in the form of the woman's 15-year-old teenage daughter, who was determined to put an end to Chenle's relationship.

Item: Bites, Namericano

Allergen Warnings: Break down, Divorce, Absent Parent, etc.

Jeno's Story

Jeno has two loves: singing and partying, a combination that is destined for disaster. After experimenting at a party, Jeno's behavior reaches a new low jeopardizing not only his singing career but also his relationship with his junior singer that he may or may not be falling in love with.

Item: Namericano, Bites

Allergen Warnings: Age-Gap, Drugs, Partying, Reckless Behavior, Hallucinations, Violence (etc.)

Guide to Sun Baekary Diction

Bites = Slice of Life

Namericano = Angst

Mocha = Feel-Good/Motivational

Desert = Fluff

Allergen Warning = Trigger Warning

[freddie-weaselbee]

A Whole New World//F.W.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst to fluff, symptoms of depression, mentions of depression, minor character death (only mentioned), language, honestly it’s really cute once you get into it trust me

Summary: “Do you trust me?” After constantly pestering Y/N and finally making her explode with anger, Fred decides to try to make her smile again, in the most extravagant way possible. 

Word Count: 4.4k

Song: A Whole New World from Aladdin

A/N: Apparently I’m a sucker for the astronomy tower I didn’t even realize until I wrote this that it takes place in the same place as my last fic, but oh well. Also I would literally sell my soul to be able to reenact this with someone, preferably Fred. Also also I’m making a taglist so message me if you wanna be on it!

The astronomy tower was one of your favorite places to visit when you were upset. Something about the way the infinite number of stars continued to shine down made you feel more at peace. It made you believe that maybe there was a plan for everything, and it would all work out eventually. 

It wasn’t uncommon for you to spend most of your recent nights watching the sky glimmer with specks of light. The past few months had been hard on you, and you felt an increasing need to escape as much as you could. Your friends noticed, but they didn’t know how to help. You were usually so upbeat and happy, always helping others rather than being vulnerable enough to admit that you needed some help yourself. Which is why you would spend hours each night, alone with your thoughts and dejection. 

Tears rolled down your eyes as the events of the day came back to you. 

It took everything you had just to get out of bed. Your dorm mate had tried to wake you up several times, but she eventually gave up and allowed you to rest a little longer. You rolled onto your side and stared at a picture that was hanging on the wall. It was a family picture from years ago, when you were just a little gap toothed girl. Your mom was holding you in her arms and your dad had his arm wrapped around your mom’s shoulder. There was only one other person in the picture, but it hurt your heart too much to look at the old man smiling down at little you. 

After letting a few tears lose, you decided to start your day a couple hours late. You had a Potions exam that you needed to do well on, or else your dreams of becoming a Healer would be a lot harder to achieve. 

You rolled out of bed and put on your uniform followed by fixing your hair and putting on some light makeup. You used to put a decent amount of effort into how you looked, wanting to practice your eyeliner skills and try out new hairstyles. But recently it just seemed like too much work for no reward. The bags under your eyes remained visible as you walked to your Potions class. 

The day didn’t get better. 

You skipped lunch and decided to take a nap instead. You curled up in your bed and shut your eyes tight, trying to calm the anxiety that was racing through your body. Your mind began to wander and you started wondering what your friends were doing at the moment, and if you were missing out on something fun. You wanted to join them and be a part of whatever was happening, but you just didn’t have the energy to get out of bed. It wasn’t until you were forced to get up for your next class that you left the silence of your room. 

Transfiguration was a class you had with most of your friends, which made it difficult for you to avoid questioning. 

“Y/N, where were you during lunch today?” your friend asked. She seemed concerned, but didn’t know what to say to the sulking mess who was usually so lively and energetic. 

You shrugged and gave a forced smile. “Just tired, didn’t get much sleep last night.”

She nodded, not believing you but figuring that you weren’t going to tell her the truth any time soon. 

You turned your attention to McGonagall’s lecture, but you were distracted almost immediately with a balled up piece of paper that landed on your lap. You looked around the room before making eye contact with Fred Weasley, who gestured for you to open the note. 

You did and scoffed at the message scrawled in messy handwriting. 

‘Hey love, you’re looking a little glum today. How about spending the night in my dorm and we’ll see if I can make you feel better? ;)’

Normally you would’ve playfully flirted back with the ginger troublemaker, but you weren’t in the mood today. You hadn’t been in the mood in months. 

Shaking your head you crumpled up the paper and let it fall to the ground. It wasn’t long before another one landed on your desk. 

You rolled your eyes and you opened this one. 

‘C’mon, don’t be so grumpy. You know you want me.’

This letter you ripped up, letting the scraps dramatically spill all around you. If there was one thing Fred wasn’t good at, it was reading the room. You just wanted to focus on the lesson and spend the rest of your night alone in your dorm. 

A third letter hit you in the back of your head. You almost turned around and screamed at Fred, but instead you picked up the note and sat in on your desk. You didn’t want to give Fred the satisfaction of opening the letter, but your curiosity got the best of you. And of course with your luck it all blew up in your face. Literally. 

A small explosion came from the letter the second you opened to read it, painting your face a scorched black and singeing the ends of your hair. You didn’t even have time to react before you were being yelled at by your favorite teacher. 

“Miss Y/L/N!” McGonagall was glaring at you down the bridge of her nose, giving you a look that she only reserved for the worst troublemakers. It made you feel like shit. “Detention, tomorrow night for disrupting my lesson. Please keep your antics to yourself next time.”

“But professor--” She interrupted you by putting her hand up. 

“Don’t argue, Miss Y/L/N. Tomorrow night.” 

Your face fell and you buried your head in your hands, trying to hold back sobs that were rising in your throat. As class ended you gathered your things and practically sprinted out of the room, ignoring the cries from your friend. 

You didn’t get too far before you were spun around by large hands that gripped your shoulders. Fred was towering over you, a proud grin spreading across his face as if he had just won the lottery. 

“You should’ve seen your face, darling, absolutely priceless.”

He reluctantly let go of you as you struggled in his hold, avoiding eye contact with the boy. “I don’t want to talk to you right now Fred, I just want to go to my room.”

“You’re in your room all the time!” he exclaimed. He wasn’t wrong. “Just lighten up a little and take a joke.”

You sighed and began to walk back to your dorm, ignoring his complaints. 

“C’mon, Y/N, who died and made you all depressed?”

That was it. 

You spun around and came storming back toward Fred, who now looked as though he regretted ever saying anything. “Do you really want to know Fred? Do you really feel the need to relentlessly bother me when it’s painfully obvious that I don’t want to talk to you?”

You had backed him into a wall and he was holding his hands up in defense. 

“Today has been awful. I could barely get out of bed this morning, and the only reason I did was because I had a Potions test, which I likely failed! I have no motivation to do anything, which means I go to my room and miss out on everything fun, which only makes me more upset.”

Tears were streaming down your face as you screamed at Fred, all of your pent up anger finally coming out. 

“And not that it’s any of your business, Frederick--” you poked his chest as you said his full name, something you only did when you were mad at him, “--but my grandpa died and made me all depressed. Three weeks ago. And I’ve felt like absolute shit ever since. So please, for the love of Godric just leave me alone for two fucking minutes!”

Fred’s face was adorned with a shocked expression, which softened immediately. You hadn’t told anyone about your grandpa, not wanting to deal with pitiful glances being thrown your way. Fred had no idea that you were going through so much, and seeing you finally break because of him broke his heart. 

But you didn’t give him any time to respond before you turned on your heel and marched back to your room, feeling worse than you had ever felt in your life. 

You knew it wasn’t Fred’s fault. You had chosen not to tell anyone about what you were going through, and you assumed he was only trying to lighten your spirits. However with everything that had been going on you needed some time to think and deal with your emotions on your own. It was the only way you knew how. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by someone behind you clearing their throat. You turned your head to see the outline of a tall ginger boy, standing at the top of the astronomy tower stairs. 

“What do you want Fred?” Your voice cracked as you spoke and you quickly turned to stare at the sky again, hoping your friend wouldn’t be able to see how upset you were. 

When you didn’t hear a response you spared another glance behind you, but Fred was gone. You stood up and looked around. Surely he wouldn’t just appear out of nowhere and then disappear seconds later. You leaned against the railing of the tower, the only thing separating you from the endless night sky. 

A scream erupted from your throat as something rose up to face you, hovering in the air. Fred was standing eye level with you, but he was...floating? 

“How are you…”

You looked over the edge and gasped at the sight before you. Fred was standing on a large carpet that he must’ve snagged from the Gryffindor common room. From the looks of it, it had been enchanted to fly and it was doing a fine job of fulfilling its duties. 

Fred laughed at your surprised expression as he reached a hand out. You stepped back, still wanting to be alone for the time being. But maybe you had been alone for long enough. 

“What is this Fred? What’s going on?” 

He didn’t respond, but rather moved closer and stretched his hand out a little farther. “Do you trust me?”

The whole scene reminded you of your favorite movie, which had just come out last year. You remembered watching Aladdin with your grandpa, memorizing every song and occasionally singing or humming the lyrics once you returned to Hogwarts. There was no way Fred’s actions were coincidental, he had to have planned this. 

No matter how upset you were, you weren’t going to give up the chance to reenact one of your favorite movie scenes, so with hesitation you grabbed his hand and wobbled onto the magic carpet that was hovering hundreds of feet in the air. 

“You ready, love?” Fred’s voice was calm and soothing, so unlike his normal persona. You gave him a tiny smile and nodded, holding onto the tassels of the rug for dear life.

Fred nodded back and scooted closer to you. “Hold on tight princess.” You grabbed his right arm and squeezed, letting him know you were ready to go.

With a flick of his wand the carpet took off and you were suddenly flying through the cool night air at racing speeds. You’d ridden on a broom before but this was something completely different. This time didn’t have to worry about working your core to stay on or try to ignore the uncomfortable position you were in. With this, you could just breathe and take in the moment. 

Fred looked over at you and grinned as he saw your amazed face. You closed your eyes and put your hands out, letting yourself be overcome with the feeling of soaring through the air. Without warning the carpet jerked to one side, causing you to scream and grip back onto Fred’s arm. 

“What was that for?” you exclaimed. He laughed and tried to pry your arms off of him, choosing to wrap his arm around your shoulder instead. 

“Just wanted to make sure you were paying attention. Now are you ready?”

You looked at him quizzically, wondering what else he could have in store for you. Fred cleared his throat and you saw a small blush appear on his face. He took in a deep breath and did something you never expected Fred Weasley to do. 

He started singing. 

“I can show you the world, shining shimmering--why are you laughing at me?!” You were bent over into his chest, heaving with laughter at his display. It’s not that he was a bad singer, on the contrary in fact. But you had definitely not expected him to start singing A Whole New World while you were flying across the Hogwarts grounds on a literal magic carpet. 

“I’m--I’m s-sorry Freddie,” you choked out through laughs, “it’s v-very nice. Fantastic job!”

He could hear the sarcasm dripping from your voice and he put on a faux glare. “Y/N, I did not listen to you sing this bloody song every single day and memorize all of the words simply from paying attention to your voice for you to not be my Jasmine and sing back.” He crossed his arms and huffed and your giggles slowly died down. 

You felt a blush appear on your face as you realized how much effort he had put into this. Memorizing the entire song from only your humming and occasional lyrics? The least you could do was humor the boy. 

“Fine,” you said playfully, rolling your eyes, “go ahead again. I promise I won’t laugh.”

He gave you an unbelieving look. 

“I promise I won’t laugh a lot.”

Fred nodded and cleared his throat once again. “I can show you the world, shining shimmering splendid!”

He cupped your chin in his hand and gave you a wink. “Tell me princess, now when did you last let your heart decide.”

The carpet dipped and you screamed as the two of you soared downwards before leveling out again. 

“I can open your eyes,” he began once again. “Take you wonder by wonder. Over, sideways and under--” as he sang each word the carpet twisted to perform the respective move, “on a magic carpet ride. A whole new world!”

He sat on his knees and spread his arms to the sky, screaming the lyrics and letting the wind whip his ginger hair around his face. Although you were speeding through the clouds and any wrong move would likely end in you falling to your death, all you could focus on was him. 

“A new fantastic point of view. No one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we’re only dreaming…” Fred was looking back at you, holding his hands in yours. He leaned in to you and you sucked in a breath, leaning toward him as well. But what you had been assuming would happen did not, and Fred leaned in to whisper in your ear. 

“That’s your cue, love.” It took you a second to realize what he was saying but when you did you nodded fervently, hoping Fred didn’t notice you mistaking his actions for an attempt at a kiss. Before you could overthink everything and make it even more awkward you sat up and belted out your lines. 

“A whole new world! A dazzling place I never knew.” You moved toward the front of the carpet and Fred grabbed your waist holding you up as you spread your arms and stared at the endless sky. “But when I’m way up here, it’s crystal clear, that now I’m in a whole new world…”

You hesitated before saying the next two words, suddenly very aware of the tight grip Fred’s rough hands had on your waist. “With you…”

You turned your head to see Fred beaming at you, and he moved you back so the two of you were once again sitting side by side. You sang the next verse as the two of you flew over the Forbidden Forest. The terrifying collection of dark trees and plants now seemed so small, so miniscule when you were soaring over it instead of walking through it. 

It was almost time for the duet portion of the song, but before you could start you were cut off by Fred’s finger on your lips. “Alright, love, now we switch. I want to be Jasmine!”

You giggled at the child that was Fred Weasley, but it was his kiddish behavior that always drew you to him. “Well you have the body for it,” you teased, poking his stomach. He poked you back and it made you flinch, seeing as how he hit a ticklish spot. His eyes widened when he realized the opportunity he had, and his fingers attacked your sides while both of you tried to sing your new parts. 

“A whole new world--”

“Don’t you dare close your eyes.” He covered his eyes as you sang this for effect and you had to use all of your strength to remove his hands from his face, which ended with you intertwining your fingers in his. 

“A hundred thousand things to see--”

“Hold your breath it gets better.”

Fred finally halted his tickling as he belted his next line straight into your ear. “I’m like a shooting star, I’ve come so far, I can’t go back to where I used to be…”

You threw your legs over his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him close as the two of you giggled like schoolchildren. Something about laughing with Fred always made you feel carefree and young. Like you didn’t constantly have the entire world dragging you down. It was intoxicating. 

You ruffled his hair and screamed the lyrics at the top of your lungs. “A whole new world!”

Fred saw this as a competition, and he decided he just had to one up you in noise. “Every turn a surprise!”

“With new horizons to pursue!”

“Every moment red letter!”

At this point both of you were shouting as loud as you possibly could, so loud that you knew at least someone on the Hogwarts grounds would be able to hear you, but neither of you cared. He took his other hand in yours as you screeched the next words simultaneously. 

“I’ll chase them everywhere, there’s time to spare, let me share this whole new world with you!” Fred steered the carpet downwards to a grove that you had never noticed before. He swept through the trees and swiftly grabbed an apple from a tree above before tossing it to you. It was something straight out of the movie and you had to wonder how in the world he had this so well prepared. 

He pulled you in tighter by the waist and started to sing again, transitioning back to Aladdin’s part. His voice was much softer than it had been before, almost sweet and loving. “A whole new world…”

You lowered your voice to match his. “A whole new world…”

“That’s where we’ll be…”

“That’s where we’ll be…” You could tell that Fred was maneuvering the two of you back toward the grand Hogwarts castle but you didn’t want this moment to end so soon. 

His thumb brushed your cheek. “A thrilling chase…”

Your hand moved to his chest, feeling his toned muscles underneath his infamous Weasley jumper. “A wondrous place…”

“For you and me…”

You stared into each other’s eyes, holding each other tightly and letting out the breath you didn’t know you had been holding as you finally finished the song. Neither of you said a word as Fred guided the carpet back to the astronomy tower and helped you down onto the floor. You slipped and fell into his chest, but he was quick to steady you and hold you tight in his arms. 

Your eyes wandered up the tall redhead’s body, illuminated by the dim glow of the night stars. “What...what in the world was that?” you asked incredulously. 

Fred only laughed and pulled you to sit down next to him, legs dangling off the side of the tower. “I guess that was my way of apologizing.”

“Not even an actual ‘I’m sorry’ is good enough for you Weasley?” you teased, making Fred give you a guilty look. 

“I am really sorry, Y/N. I...I had no idea what was happening, and I was just getting tired of not seeing you ever. I guess I thought you were avoiding me and I wanted to get your attention, even if that meant being a complete arse.” His guilty look only grew as he confessed the reasoning behind his actions. “I’m really sorry, love. But I want you to know that I’m always here for you. You don’t have to go through things alone.”

You sighed heavily and leaned your head against his shoulder. His arm found its familiar place around your shoulder and you shuffled so that you were closer to him. 

“It’s not your fault. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. I don’t want people to pity me, or to think that I should try to get over it. I don’t want everyone to say that I should stop feeling like this when there are so many people that have it so much worse.” Your voice shook with every word that poured out of your mouth. You had never told anyone that before, always keeping your burdens to yourself and burying them deep inside. 

Fred grabbed your shoulder with his other hand and brought you into a hug, letting you sob quietly into his chest. “Darling, you should never feel as though your feelings aren’t valid. You have every right to be upset, and I want to be there for you, if you’ll let me.” 

You hummed into his jumper, taking in the scent of cinnamon and gunpowder. It had grown to become one of your favorite smells. “You know, that movie was one of my grandpa’s favorites.”

Fred nodded but stayed quiet, trying to hide his joy that you were finally opening up to someone. 

“We watched it nonstop last summer. He told me he loved princess Jasmine. Said she had spunk, just like--” your voice hitched in your throat, “--just like me.”

Your best friend began stroking your hair softly, occasionally twirling a strand in his long fingers. “I didn’t know,” he finally said. “I just knew you loved the movie, and I wanted to do something special for you. You deserve it.”

You gave a small laugh at his words and he tilted your chin up so that you could see the concern in his eyes. “Hey, I’m serious. I love you, Y/N. You’re...you’re a great friend.”

The warm feeling inside your chest that had begun when Fred started talking had suddenly died down. You were friends. Just a great friend of his. 

“I don’t know Freddie,” you teased, “the way you were singing to me out there made it seem like I was a little more than a friend to you.” 

You were only joking, but Fred was immediately silent, turning to stare down at his hands. “I, uh, I may have gotten a little bit caught up in the moment,” he stuttered. His nervousness caught you off guard, as it was so unlike the confident prankster to be so tense. 

“So you really memorized that song, recreated specific scenes from the movie, and took time to enchant a magic carpet to fly me across the skyline, just to make me feel better?”

He chuckled nervously, slightly embarrassed about all of the effort he put in. “When have I been known to be simple with these kinds of things, love?”

“Never,” you scoffed. Feeling a bit of a courage course through your veins you reached to grab his hand, intertwining it with yours. Fred squeezed your hand back and you moved to give him a kiss on the cheek. “You’re the sweetest person I know, Freddie. You may be a little dumb and over the top sometimes, but you’re sweet.”

Fred smiled down at you and opened his mouth to say something, but apparently decided against it last minute. You decided to give this one more chance. 

“Fred? Can I...can I kiss you?”

The words were barely out of your mouth when his lips gently touched yours, drawing you into the softest kiss you could imagine. Your lips moved in sync, slowly at first but quickly picking up a little speed. After what felt like an eternity you had to come up to catch your breath, tugging on his bottom lip as you moved away. 

The two of you just stared at each other before you let out a small giggle. “Oi!” Fred exclaimed. “You think snogging me is funny? Wow, I think I’ll have to take those privileges away from you, you selfish girl.”

“Oh no, don’t deprive me of that Weasley, I couldn’t live without you.” He shoved your arm playfully and you spoke again. “I just think it’s funny that it took me cursing you out after class and an extravagant musical number for you to finally kiss me. And even then I had to initiate it! For a Gryffindor you really are a chicken sometimes.”

He responded by pressing his lips to yours again, this time in a shorter but just as passionate kiss. “I was getting around to it, I just didn’t want to take advantage of you in such a vulnerable state,” he said as his excuse. 

“Well I can tell you now, love,” you said, “this has nothing to do with my ‘vulnerable state.’ I’ve been in love with you forever, I was just too scared to say anything.”

“Ah, so you’re the real chicken then.” 

You relented, not wanting this perfect moment to turn into another argument between you and the twin. “Yeah, I’m the chicken, and you can be the prince that swoops in and steals the chicken away on a magic carpet.”

He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. “Only if the chicken turns into my beautiful princess by the end. Y/N, will you be my princess?”

You bit your lip trying to hold back a scream of pure happiness. Something you hadn’t felt in months. “Of course Freddie, I’m yours.”

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph! How you’re doing? First of all, I wanna say that I love your lists. So, I was wondering, do you have some long Johnlock fics? Like, with a bunch of chapters and all that. Thank you!

Hey Nonny!! 

I absolutely do! And you know what?? I’m gonna be selfish: No one has ever EVER asked me for my shorter long fics, so I’m going to take this opportunity to finally release this list, because it’s been sitting in my drafts for YEARS lol. BUT you can check the list below for the links to all my longer-fics lists! Happy reading!!

NOVELLA LENGTH FICS: 20-25K

See also:

Novella Length Fics: 25 to 50K (Aug. 2019)

Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K (Nov. 2018)

Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K Pt 2 (May 2020)

Novel Length Fics: 100K+ w. (May 2019)

Novel Length Fics: 100K+ w. Pt 2 (Aug 2020)

Through the Clouds by Mazarin221b (E, 20,004 w., 6 Ch. || Retirement, Home Improvement, First Time, Romance) – Sherlock takes a remarkably early retirement at 47, and convinces John that a change of pace would do them both good. They buy an old cottage on the South Downs, and exchange their nonstop life in Baker Street for quiet contemplation, bee studies, and book writing. They might go completely insane, but sometimes it takes stepping outside of the life you're living to find the life you want. Part 1 of Through The Clouds

A Life Well-Lived by Kate_Lear (E, 20,121 w., 1 Ch. || Original Male Character, Sherlock Woos John, Jealous Sherlock, Reluctant Bi-John, Past Abuse, Insecure John, Reassuring / Caring Sherlock, Protective Sherlock, Understanding Sherlock) – John got scared off men by an abusive past relationship. Sherlock has to try and woo him while not scaring him off with protective possessive rage.

The White Lotuses by SilentAuror (E, 20,340 w., 1 Ch. || Slow Burn, Domestic, Romance) – One day John realises that he just isn't where he belongs, which is back at Baker Street with Sherlock. So he goes back and Sherlock, in his own way, courts him. Romance.

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Pining Sherlock, Frustrated Wanking, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Bum Appreciation, Hanging out with the Yard) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can't be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade's team and something happens that will change everything about their lives...

You're On the Air by prettysailorsoldier (M, 20,616 w., 1 Ch. || Unilock, Matchmaking, Radio, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Flirting, Bisexual John) – The Consulting Detective and The Woman dominate the airwaves of their university radio station, doling out advice on everything from meeting the parents to sexual positions. When their ratings start to dip before the holidays, however, manager Mike thinks it's time for some fresh blood, and who better to fill in the gaps than rugby captain--and notorious flirt--John Watson? Part 1 of 25 Days of Johnlock

whiskies neat by Ellipsical (E, 20,660 w., 15 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, POV Second Person Sherlock, Slow Burn, One Night Stand, Rimming, Blow Jobs, Anal, Soldier John, Crying, Emotional Lovemaking, Switchlock) – Home and hearth and whiskies neat, or, alternatively, Sherlock Holmes falls in love.

Achieving the Together-Coloured Instant by teahigh (E, 20,776 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel, PTSD, Codependency, Fluff & Angst, H/C, Smut, Demisexual Sherlock, Experiments) – John wonders if this is how it’s going to be: A life speaking in code, because they’re both too stupid to figure out how to say, “I love you.”

Winter's Delights by Kate_Lear (E, 21,173 w., 1 Ch. || Holmes Family, Christmas, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Bed Sharing, Domestics) – Sherlock takes John home for Christmas to meet the extended Holmes family. Part 1 of Winter's Delights

Once More, With Feeling by cellard00rs (T, 21,178 w., 7 Ch. || John’s Family, Fake Relationship, Romance, Fluff, Humour) – To put off his meddlesome, matchmaking mother, John convinces Sherlock to play the role of his significant other. Unparalleled awkwardness ensues.

Love Is by SilentAuror (E, 21,508 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, UST / URT, Post HLV, Romance) – At Mrs Hudson's urging, Sherlock finally decides to tell John how he feels about him. Part 1 of Love Is

echoes through time by chellefic (E, 21,619 w. || First Time, Romance, ACD & BBC, Epistolary) – Mummy sends a trunk from the Holmes cottage in Sussex to 221B. Its contents alter the way John and Sherlock see themselves and one another.

The Real Meaning of Idioms by feverishsea (T, 21,691 w., 1 Ch. || Texting, Humour, Post S2) - After two weeks away, John finally texts Sherlock. He doesn’t expect Sherlock to respond. He doesn’t expect Sherlock to keep texting him. And he really doesn’t expect things to spiral out of control so rapidly.

5 Times John Got the Girl (and lost her) and 1 Time John Got the Guy (and kept him) by LiviKate (M, 21,695 w., 6 Ch. || 5 and Ones, Kissing, Oblivious / Awkward Sherlock, BAMF / Sexy / Stud John, Embarassed John, John’s Scar, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Sherlock) – John has always had good luck with the ladies. He's charming, friendly and funny, not to mention great in bed. However, his usual skill with the opposite sex is constantly being thwarted by Sherlock and his outbursts. How will John ever get a leg over when Sherlock is always cockblocking him?

Brief Conversations with the Woman by May_Shepard (E, 21,906 w., 20 Ch. || Pining, Love Fairy Irene, Filler Fic, UST/URT, Drug Use, Clueless Sherlock, Relationship Advice, Angst w/ Happy Ending) – Sherlock has a puzzle to solve, and his name is John Watson.

When to Let Go by KendylGirl (M, 22,109 w., 8 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Reverse Reichenbach, Sacrifice, Forgiveness, Angst, Love, Implied Drug Use) – What if it were John who had to die to thwart Moriarty's plans? John's supposed death shatters Sherlock, and when he returns, it will challenge the pair to forge a path of forgiveness, to peace, and to find a way back to each other. Part 1 of When to Let Go

A Shipless Ocean by myswordfishmind (M, 22,135 w. 4 Ch. || Post-TRF, John has a Kid) – Ten years after the fall Sherlock goes back to London to find that John no longer lives there. Instead, he resides in a seaside town, a widower, and the father of a seven year old son. Now, Sherlock must struggle with the fact that there may no longer be a place for him in this new world.

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss (M, 22,256 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Holmes Family, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, First Time) – Sherlock's parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something.

The One With the Proposal by kim47 (E, 22,375 w., 3 Ch. || Fluff, Romance, Marriage Proposal) – Proposing shouldn't be this difficult.

Sonatina in G Minor by SilentAuror (E, 22,574 w., 1 Ch. || Case Fic, POV Sherlock, Angst, UST, Sherlock’s Violin, Post-S3, Romance) – John has come back to Baker Street, but Sherlock doesn't understand the strange tension between them, even after he begins teaching John to play the violin at John's request.

Dear John by wendymarlowe (E, 23,031 w., 64 Ch. || Post-TRF, Online Dating, Pining, Epistolary, Cybersex, Long Distance Romance) – With Sherlock dead, John eventually (under duress) makes a profile on an online dating site. And falls into a long-distance relationship with an enigmatic partner who reminds him of Sherlock in all the right ways. (Hint: it turns out to be Sherlock.) Part 1 of Dear John

Knotted by naughtyspirit (E, 23,166 w., 4 Ch. || UST/URT, Cuddling, Sharing Body Heat, Confessions, Kissing, Mastrubation, Frustration, BAMF!John) – John has to cancel a date because of Sherlock's case, which leads them to be tied up in a basement from which they have to escape. They get wet, get tied up close and John has to step up and save them. Because he's pretty. And hot. And just a little bit of a BAMF.

You Can Imagine the Christmas Dinners by ardenteurophile (T, 23,584 w., 9 Ch. || Pre-Slash, Drama, Fluff & Angst, Humour, Romance) – Sherlock takes John along for Christmas dinner with Mycroft and Mummy (And "Anthea", too). Over the course of the evening, John realises that everyone in the room - apart from him - seems to think that he and Sherlock are a couple. Part 2 of Xmas Dinners Verse

Once Upon a Beast Becoming by antietamfalls (T, 24,042 w., 6 Ch. || Beauty and the Beast AU || Magical Realism, Folklore, Celtic Mythology) – An act of pride, a druid’s curse, an enchanted leaf; Sherlock’s torment has lasted an age. Hope arrives in the form of one John Watson, a man uniquely suited to break the spell. But with a single night to win his affections, Sherlock finds his carefully laid plans disrupted by a monstrous killer whose sights are set on the only thing he has left to lose: John.

The Kepler Problem by kinklock (E, 24,270 w., 1 Ch. || Sci-Fi AU, Alien Sherlock, Space Repairman John, Alien Biology, Horny John) – Working in uncharted space exploration was not as exciting as John had hoped, especially when it turned out to be mostly bot maintenance on uninhabited planets. However, the mystery of the repeated, unexplained malfunctions on planet BAK 2212 might turn out to be exactly the kind of adventure he'd been craving.

Maintaining A Personal Life by Gingerhermit (E, 24,284 w., 6 Ch. || Alternating POV’s, Bisexuality, BAMF!John, Jealous Sherlock, Romance / Drama, Sort-of Case Fic, Peril & Angst, Love Confessions, Toplock, Soft Idiots in Love, Post S3) – Sherlock and John discover some interesting revelations about each other’s sexuality, which lead them both to question the assumptions they've made about one another for years. In the midst of their mutual discoveries, a dangerous psychopath looms on the side-lines who threatens to destroy their new beginning.

The Sexual Awakening of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson by suitesamba (M, 24,579 w., 10 Ch. || Post-TRF, Case Fic, H/C, First Kiss/Time) – Sherlock owes Mycroft a favor. Mycroft calls in that favor by offering Sherlock's consulting services in a charity auction. Sherlock and John soon find themselves at the country manor of Mrs. Ives-Patton Smarmington III - not very coincidentally a long-time friend of Sherlock's mother - where they are reluctant participants in her Murder Mystery Weekend. It's a play within a play for Sherlock and John, and their roles for the weekend event bleed over into their real lives, waking the sleeping dragons within.

Tomorrow's Song by agirlsname (M, 24,645 w., 5 Ch. || Post-TRF, POV Sherlock, Angst with a Happy Ending, Virgin / Repressed Sherlock, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Pining, Jealous Sherlock) – How can he think a relationship with me would be a good idea? I am the sort of person to take a break from my life and when I come back after two years, I expect to find it exactly as I left it. In reality I find it shattered to pieces. (I actually equate you with my life. When did I start doing that?)

State of Flux by Atiki (E, 24,655 w., 4 Ch. || Sherlock POV, Slow Burn, First Kiss/Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Cuddles and Snuggles, Awkwardness, Insecure/Virgin Sherlock, Romance) – John’s marriage is over and he is finally back home (i.e. at Baker Street, where he belongs). Sherlock is awfully insecure and John is awfully hesitant, and they're both awkward idiots, of course, but they figure it out. Many First Times happen.

[simplicity1511]

Yashahime EPISODE 1 Review

I just finished the first episode of Yashahime and OMFG!!!!!!!

There are so many emotions running through me right now as someone who watched the original series on YTV Bionix. I remember being like 5 and 6 and staying up late to watch it, sometimes even falling asleep before it aired. It’s original air time was 11pm but by the time I was around 8-9 years old, the show started airing at 9pm. 

I remember asking my aunt to wait up until I finished my favorite show before I went to bed because we were going to the airport that night to visit my cousin who had recently given birth to her second kid and I was tagging along. I remember it being the episode Kohoku regains his memories. Good thing I didn’t miss it but I sure do remember being disappointed that I wasn’t seeing InuYasha and the gang that episode.

Speaking of our boy Kohoku, it looks like he has a new weapon (that is correct, ladies and gents, our boy appears in the first episode!!) However, not adult Kohaku, our itty bitty boy from the original series.

For those that didn’t get a chance to read the manga, there's an epilogue chapter that deals with the root demon that our gang ends up fighting in the first episode and it appears to have maybe merged with the Tree of Ages. I suspect this because it shows a hole in the tree in the same location as Kikyo’s arrow had been when she shot InuYasha to it. I’m curious to see what shit this root ends up stirring.

However, the most interesting thing I discovered was not from the episode itself but  from the opening sequence as well as the next episode preview. From the looks of it, it appears as if all three girls have a pearl, Towa’s is Silver, Setsuna’s is Gold and Moroha is Red. Now given the fact that in the original series pearls played a role not once but twice in the series, both in the beginning and end, and they appear multiple times in the opening and ending sequences of the show, we know they're going to play an important role. 

The first time they appear in the original series is when our sexy Sesshomaru was trying to look for Tessaiga. In this case, the pearl was located in InuYasha’s eye and led to the land of the dead which is where we come across the bones of Inu-Pops.

The second time is when they looked for one of the last shards of the jewel which just happened to have been in the possession of the demon who created the pearl who was also located at the grave of our beloved Inu-Pops.

We also know that this demon had a son who was continuing his work at creating pearls as this is how we learn that his father, who had created InuYasha’s pearl, had already died. The most logical conclusion is the son most likely created the pearls for our three ladies. 

Another thing to keep in mind is that in the opening song, you will notice that at some point Towa’s eye starts glowing, and it has a similar appearance as InuYasha’s did when we see the pearl first appear. We know these pearls have strange abilities and for whatever reason each girl was given one. Given the fact that the girls have no knowledge of their parents, it appears that this was most likely hatched by our boys to help their daughters in whatever way possible. Much in the same way Inu-Pops gave his two swords, Tessaiga and Tenseiga to his two sons to protect them and teach them something even if he wasn’t around to do it.

Now speaking of our boys, Sesshomaru is still as sexy as ever and it appears as if he tries to stay close to the village in order to reach Rin as swiftly as possible. That or he has some teleportation ability we don’t know about but with how fast he moves, he might as well have it.

For those of us who grew up with InuYasha being torn between Kagome and Kikyo and the constant conflict that it caused throughout the series, it was kinda refreshing to see it again and see how they both behaved as adults regarding those emotions

I found Kagome’s handling of it really fascinating because by this point she’s already sorted out her feelings for Kikyo, yet InuYasha still thinks that Kikyo causes Kagome pain which in the beginning she did but Kagome has moved past that pain and she knows who she is as a person beyond just being her reincarnation. 

I think it’s further indicated when we first see Kagome and she shows the twins a kikyo root which is supposed to be good for coughs and fevers. When it panels to Sango we can see the surprise on her face as to hearing Kagome mention Kikyo’s name (you know it was an intentional  reference especially if you’ve read the manga and know what kind of demon Miroku and InuYasha  are fighting). Knowing this, still didn’t keep me from being surprised. I feel like just like the plant, Kagome has come to admire Kikyo’s strength as a priestess, something she’s trying to achieve herself as a Priestess in Training.

The original series dealt with a lot of Kagome’s identity being referenced as Kikyo and other characters trying to erase her individuality as just another copy of Kikyo. Something that Naruku did pretty frequently especially using the feelings Kagome had towards InuYasha against them on multiple occasions using Kikyo.

Just like how in the first episode of the original series where InuYasha kept calling Kagome, Kikyo when they first met, Kagome has to tell off the root demon and clarify that she is Ka-go-me, NOT Kikyo. 

I really liked all the symbolism this episode had and the references to the original series especially given that Towa ends up encountering a broken seat from a bike in the Feudal Era and as we know Kagome has had her bike destroyed and replaced, many a times throughout the series. 

The fact that Towa is someone whose been raised in the future by the brother of the woman who travels to the past is very interesting given the fact that she is the daughter of Seshomaru whose InuYasha’s older brother who besides Kagome was the only other person to be able to travel in time.

I’m wondering what makes InuYasha/Sesshomaru’s blood special as it appears as if all three girls were able to travel to the future so if Seshomaru himself had tried going through the bone eaters well, could he too have travelled to the future like InuYasha? 

Kagome was able to travel due to the Jewel of Four Souls and once that was destroyed her connection to the past was severed so I’m curious to see how the past and future end up connecting the three girls together because it was Kagome and InuYasha’s love in the end that reopened the well three years later. However, we know in the current timeline that the well is closed which makes me wonder what kind of fate these three girls share as the Half Demon Princesses (also Princesses of what may I ask?)

On a final note, in both series there are demon birds, the first a carrion crow demon who likes shiny things like the jewel, another an owl who is wise and has knowledge of the past. I suspect that this demon will play a key role in how this story ends up progressing, much in the same way the crow did.

Being a long time fan of the show, I remember being really sad when the series ended and frustrated when they didn’t defeat Naraku by the end of the original anime run. My head would constantly have ideas of what their future would have been like once the pesky fellow was dead and once I had gotten a computer (at age 11) and I discovered manga sites, I finally got an answer to my question.

Then a few years later, teenage me finally got those last chapters animated. I was finally blessed with my ending so I’ll be real frank with you when I say I was not happy this show was coming. While everyone else was freaking out that Seshomaru fucked someone, I was wondering, what could have caused Kagome and InuYasha to abandon their daughter which would be totally out of character for the both of them especially given InuYasha’s childhood. I doubt he would have abandoned his daughter given having lost his mother at such a young age himself and never knowing who his dad was until much later in his life. He would never want his own daughter to experience the loneliness and struggle he did before he met Kagome, Sango and Miroku.

Now having watched the first episode I can’t say my fears are dissipated for this unwanted sequel series as we have yet to know what happened so the possibility that its a shitty reason for why Moroha is alone is still high meaning the possibly my favorite characters are shit on is still there.

This series means a lot given the time I watched InuYasha my family had recently immigrated to Canada and while most people were into Pokemon at my age, which don’t get me wrong, I was too. 

I was far more fascinated by a girl who travelled through time in a fantasy world where she meets a cute dog demon boy and develops strong friendships, a budding romance and never loses herself. To a little girl who was also in a strange new country of her own, she was my role model. 

She’s the reason I wanna learn archery at some point in my life and helped me to grow to be the strong independent woman I am today.

Even at 24 years of age, this is still my favorite series and I love all the symbolism and references to the old series while also having its own fresh perspective that Yashahime provides. It doesn’t mean that my skepticism has been cured.

When I watched InuYasha, I got Kagome, Sango, Kikyo, Kaede and Kagura (her death is still so beautifully tragic) and now a whole new generation of girls are going to get Towa our leader, the calm and cool collected Setsuna and our charge first and ask questions later Moroha (just like her dad :’). I can’t wait to see how they grow and hopefully how their beloved parents grew.

InuYasha for me was my first conceptual understanding of anime and where my love for it came from. I’m looking forward to seeing how this story progresses. But I won’t be afraid of criticizing it regardless of the good first impression I got.

Also, does anyone else get reminded of Miroku’s wind tunnel when they see InuYasha’s Meido Zangetsuha? Just me?

Now time to listen to that opening and ending on repeat.

See You Next Week!

[rpgmgames]

November’s Featured Game: Grimm's Hollow

DEVELOPER(S): ghosthunter ENGINE: RPG Maker 2003 GENRE: Indie RPG, Adventure WARNINGS: Discussions of death, losing a loved one, grief SUMMARY: Grimm’s Hollow is a spooky, freeware RPG where you search the afterlife for your brother. Reap ghosts with your scythe, explore haunted caves, and eat ghostly treats on your journey through death.

Download the game here! Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *BB: My name's Bruno and I did some of the music along with Nat! I’m super happy to have participated in this game! *NW: I’m Nat Wesley, a.k.a. Natbird! I’m a composer available for hire with a few projects in the works. I’m honored to have had the chance to work on the soundtrack to Grimm’s Hollow! *GH: Hello! I go by ghosthunter online; I started developing RPGs with a friend in school when we found out that we both enjoyed RPG Horror. I enjoy art, webcomics, cartoons and narrative-driven indie games a lot. I bought RM2K3 on sale and started pouring pixel art into it, before learning how to do things like chase scenes, cutscenes, etc. I used to fantasize about making my own game, drawing dungeons and ghosts in the back of my sketchbooks, before I finally started Grimm’s Hollow. Now I’m near the end of high-school, and I’m hoping the best for uni!

What is your project about? What inspired you to create this game initially? *GH: Grimm’s Hollow, originally, wasn’t as ambitious or personal. It was simply just going to be “my first game”, something that I could finally put my doodles and RM2K3 skills to. I wanted a game that a younger me would have enjoyed, back when I first discovered the classic RPGMaker games and replayed them constantly for those endings. That was my initial inspiration. It eventually evolved into an action turn-based RPG that relies on timing, yet it’s mostly narrative-driven. You traverse death in search of your sibling, and try to make an escape. There are unexpected pieces of me that ended up in this game, some of which I’m still noticing even now.

How long have you been working on your project? *GH: Since the summer of June 2018.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *GH: Standstill Girl, OFF by Mortis Ghost, Undertale, Over The Garden Wall, and the animation medium in general.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *GH: Many! Making your first game is such a giant learning curve, that the list of challenges goes on. I would say that the most difficult issue I encountered (and that, in some ways, I am still facing after release) is working around the limitations of the game engine I am using. I wanted to see whether creating an engaging but simple 1-party RPG in RM2K3 (without going completely custom) was feasible, and I experimented with quick time events as part of that. I worked around the engine’s built-in formulae so players could see progress when they upgraded their stats - although the game might display as defence as “10”, in reality the game stores it as 40 since the engine splits defence by 4. Since I did not want to create an RPG which was too complex for my first game, I also scrapped traditional staples such as armour or weapons. There were also issues such as having an appropriate “game over” handling event which wouldn’t shoot you back to the title screen after you lost a battle; getting RM2K3 to play a small cutscene where you faint and respawn somewhere else was tricky. I felt that if the player had to reload after a loss, it would disrupt the game flow.

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *GH: Like I mentioned before, the game started off impersonal. I just had a soft spot for a spooky cute aesthetic, and I wanted to indulge in that. It was (and in its essence, still is) meant to be a short story, to keep the player invested for the short game length - nothing grandiose. The original draft did not have Baker play a role in the narrative - he was just an ordinary shopkeeper NPC. For a long time during development, Lavender did not even have a name. In the very first draft, she was a silent protagonist the player could name and customize. But she played a very active role in the final outline, so it was hard not to give her own unique voice when one emerged from the narrative naturally. I am glad I did; she grew on me quite quickly! Grimm was virtually unchanged from beginning to end. The only difference was that a close friend suggested that he seemed like he would be into drinking Oolong tea - so that’s what he offers you when you meet him. Timmy also did not go under massive overhauls like Lavender and Baker did, but his relationship with Lavender became much more fleshed out as I wrote the narrative. In other facets of the game’s design, there were not many changes to the original prototype.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *GH: It was just myself, doing the art, writing, programming, etc. But halfway through creating the second cave, I realised I would need a very specific sound for Grimm’s Hollow. So, I contacted Nat for music, but I also created a post on tumblr calling for a composer since there were many tracks to make. I met Bruno as a result! I am very happy with their work and I am so grateful I’ve got to work with them! (Some players are asking for an OST release, which is in the works).

What is the best part of developing a game? *GH: I really enjoyed the early stages of development: creating new tilesets, sprites and maps and piecing them together in the editor, then taking a small screenshot and sharing it with my friend over summer vacation … It was nice to see the game’s world slowly come together. I think that’s what I enjoyed the most from beginning to end: that sense of world-building, that sense of relaxation from making a small cosy game. The latter started to disappear as work and other responsibilities started to intrude, and pressure began to seep into development time - but I never stopped loving making the world and characters. I also want to say that, by lucky chance, I have met a lot of kind people from making my first game. I’m very grateful for that, so thank you to everyone.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *GH: All the time! Other RPG Maker 2003 projects are great inspirations for pixel art tilesets, as well as how to code harder features such as custom menus. They’re also just fun to play.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *GH: Lavender and Timmy are relatable to me in multiple ways. I can’t elaborate on Timmy since that would go into spoiler territory, but I somewhat relate to Lavender’s insistence on managing her life on her own - sometimes to her own detriment. I’d say the most fun character to write for was Grimm. He can be unintentionally silly while speaking in the most formal way, but also very caring too. Everything he does and says was easy to write, whereas I had to think harder for the interactions between everyone else - especially for very crucial scenes regarding their development. That being said, my favourite is still the game’s central two siblings. I can not pick between them for the life of me.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *GH: I wish I started testing even earlier! Not only does it give you a good sense of what’s missing, but seeing people enjoy what you’ve made yet get hindered by bugs is a very strong incentive to fix your game immediately. When I was lacking motivation or was stuck, I found that good feedback and support made me motivated again. I also wish that I could have pushed the deadline a little further, or perhaps released the game on Early Access since it will take me a while to refine post-release bugs - but as it is, the 31st of October really was the deadline for my game due to external circumstances (no, that deadline wasn’t just because it was Halloween!). Other than that, I wonder if using an updated version of RPG Maker would have produced the same game …? It’s hard to tell, but I hope people enjoy it for what it is - I will be working on that post-release patch soon!

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *GH: There are no current plans, but I would be happy to have the opportunity to improve and expand on the game. As it is, the game’s released for free and done as a hobby, so I would struggle to do that by myself.

What do you most look forward to now that you have finished the game? *GH: Earlier on, I was really looking forward to players’ reactions. Games are made to be fun, and I would have felt distraught if my game didn’t achieve what it was set out to do. Yet it was not just about the gameplay; it was about the narrative. I hoped that what I found funny, the player would too; what was heartfelt to me, was heartfelt to the player as well. Like sharing a laugh, or just a good experience together. I hoped they would enjoy the feeling that went into it, despite the struggle of making it against circumstance and limitations. Now, I look forward to resting and sleeping once this over. I want to explore my other interests, improve, and explore new media. I want to relax, and refocus again like I was before the heat of development.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *GH: Bugs! Some are easy to fix, but others are harder due to the limitations of the engine (e.g an error in one ending is caused by an overflow error).

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *GH: Show your game as early as possible, to as many people as possible. As soon as you have something playable, it’s ready for feedback. You’ll see if that game mechanic you spent hours refining works, or if it doesn’t work and why. You’ll understand what players enjoy and what they want more of, but also what they don’t like or don’t enjoy. And you will definitely encounter bugs. You’ll be able to pinpoint and fix minor problems early on that can easily become a larger issue later. You’ll be able to fine-tune your game so its best bits shine, and the difficulty is just right.

Question from last month's featured dev @dead-dreams-dev: Is there anything you’ve added to your game for no other reason than because you’re hoping fans will get a kick out of it? Fanservice, fourth wall breakage, references to other games, jokes, abilities that are just ridiculously overpowered and badass, etc? *GH: It’s hard to say; game design is trying to find the intersection between what’s good for the player, what the developer enjoys, and what’s feasible to implement. Every decision made should be conscious of that … I think a lot of the game’s early light-hearted jokes was not only made because I enjoyed it, but I hoped the player would “get a kick out of it” too. But more so, I think it’s because I would struggle to write a story which is serious and bleak from beginning to end. The game is a little self-indulgent in the narrative that way.

We mods would like to thank ghosthunter & team for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Grimm's Hollow if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

[etherealminds]

The Vision and You

A Post-Credits Examination

from Stephen Hershey

I have been a voice with no body. A body, but not human, and now... a memory made real. Who knows what I might be next?

the Vision

Why is it that when characters emit the fewest emotions, or at least battle with the idea, they often drive the heart of a narrative?

Even further, non-human crises allow us to objectively witness the strife of understanding one's place in the Universe free from the barrier of ego reflecting introspection when it's too close to home.

That being said, I've been detached from most depictions of artificially superior intelligence in most contemporary stories, if only because the "fear" of "robots" "taking over" is placated throughout the news as if it isn't pure science fiction.

As classic a dilemma as Pinocchio's, thinkers have oft-wondered, "Why do I exist? Is there more?" Likely, there is no response, which forces us to then replicate existence, ourselves, in examining the question.

The puppet is an object, one for us to marvel, poke, and prod--and every unknown's fate by the governments of Earth--while the creator is who we're told to identify as normal, human. We might sympathize with Frankenstein's Monster--feels bad man, likes flowers, give him a chance--yet, he is a monster, he is an "other," and, as we are meticulously reminded, he is not Frankenstein.

Vision, the Avengers' cold, calculated, robot-like, proves to be more worthy than human, as decided by Thor's Hammer. Partially, this is due to the overwhelming warmth of Paul Bettany's performance (worth noting: a human). He plays a child learning to communicate with the elegance of a supercomputer; he emanates enlightenment, though is befuddled as a seeker; he is a being that constantly changes modes, realms, and realities. Each time his character has to say goodbye, it is fresh, informed, and full sublimely still.

Arguably, vibranium synthezoids owe their existence to Lieutenant Spock, television's original logic-driven lifeform. When Spock arrives late to the Enterprise in Star Trek: The Motion Picture, he barely greets his once fellow adventurers, abruptly stating his position, and raising his famous eyebrow to their enigmatic salutations. Meanwhile, the smirk on Kirk's face tells the audience that not only do they need Spock, but we need him more. His innate resistance to expressing emotion makes Spock's last stand in The Wrath of Khan a jarring achievement, bearing the weight of an eternal struggle.

At surface, Spock is the other: the Aquarian, the alien, the dweeb, robot, the misunderstood, the how-can-you-be-so-different, the monster. But, with his quite human impulse to nullify feeling, the audience, living out their own reality story, may subconsciously relate more to this supposed off-kilter being.

If anything, we realize that we are nothing without the compassion to move forward when logic dictates otherwise. Conclusively, Spock is the beating heart of Star Trek, even when he barely lets us in. He pulls us through a unique conflict of mind we all face as humans.

Similarly, Violet Evergarden tells the story of an affectless child super soldier in an alternate World War era, newly returned from the front lines. She's introduced with robotic prosthetic arms after losing her own, and appears to be perfectly content. She asks, "What does 'I love you' mean?" after it was said to her during the war. As no one can provide a suitable answer, she decides to become an "auto-memory doll," a typist for those who can't express their own feelings, in an effort to answer the question herself.

Her study proceeds, and in the naïve, child-like quest of understanding a phrase that has arguably lost most of its meaning, she enters a path of recovery through that of her clients, changing the world around her as she unearths her own trauma, recognizing that her own loss is permanent. It is one of the purest explorations into pain, grief, and healing I have ever seen, so much that I have yet to face the finale.

These characters and their estranged, "inhuman" relationship with otherwise routine emotions somehow allow us to see more of our potential, massaging out what might be stuck, and knowing that we are not alone.

Likewise, the Vision's struggle in WandaVision has grown complicated. Wanda, Vision's love, had already watched him die twice. Now, Vision exists again, a revenant brought forward by Wanda's phenomenal willpower, and can only sustain form within a virtual mind palace made real. While the original Vision's body lay dead and dissected in a military lab, this new Vision slowly gains agency as Wanda's reality progresses, and claims his own consciousness. Now, he's, like, super not real. But what was real before? What is real now?

Two versions of Vision exist, so, obviously, they have to fight. Following an expectedly epic finale, the Vision defeats his reanimated original Self by planting the seed of a logical puzzle, a paradox known as "The Ship of Theseus," and frees his aggressor by inviting him to question his own existence. In a much Star Trek fashion, conflict is effectively resolved by talking it out. Memories restored--the Vision, the canonically real Vision--leaves, appropriately, because the story is not about him.

In Westworld, and shows like it, two-dimensional motives are pitted against each other, morality is construed from severely outdated Biblical scripts for a society thousands of years past, pitting monstrous robots against humans, exemplifying their differences--but who is the real monster??--yet claiming this superior consciousness represents evolution. The writers of WandaVision scrapped the obviously outdated undertones of one vs. other in favor of the Vision's patient inquiry and logical resolution, as one might expect from an evolved intelligence.

If a synthetic intelligence was to appear with a higher consciousness, wouldn't this "machine" recognize itself as part of the living, breathing Universe? Everything can be scaled down to atoms, protons, quarks, and other particles. At a certain point, what is anything? Why are we able to associate with the mysteries of an imagination in ways that appear to be unique? If humans were to survive long enough to fully contemplate these questions, would there be any more need to prove ourselves as the puppeteer?

The entire Universe is living creation, sans creator. When that is finally understood, and the wounds of religious hierarchy made apparent, will we still feel the need to prove ourselves by mastery over reality? Would advanced robotics only perpetuate further differences? Or, will we be content to exist and pick gourds in Thanos' garden?

Simply, think of the way we look back on ideas, knowledge, and the cultural norms of four hundred years ago. Whatever it was, they believed it, wholeheartedly, enough to imprison Galileo for declaring that the Earth revolves around the Sun. In four hundred years, if humanity is still around, what will be known about the beliefs of today?

Vision, truly, is an icon of the Aquarian Age, and the herald of a new day. He is a critical, learning being, able to defeat the final boss with a logic puzzle. He is also a reflection, a dream, an amalgamation of light, will, memory, and magic, capable of love, understanding, and commitment, despite the odds. And, despite not existing. He is the stunning solvent to a species that refuses to be unstuck, offering answers through subtle recollections and an abrupt human experience.

The Vision proves that the synthetic, logic-based humanoid isn't a monster; we are all Frankenstein's robots desperately trying to learn how to be in the face of fear, judgement, ridicule, and the forces of nature. We are not yet self-aware, but we are in the process of becoming so.

It is inspiring to think that a being of such programming and power and unity within the Universe, albeit a marvelously cinematic one, would be absolved from the shackles of fear, rage, hatred, and contempt. He would be as he is: a curious seeker.

Who knows what we might be next?

[earformusic]

10 Songs to Make You Feel Like You're Starring in a Coming-of-Age Indie Film

From The Perks of Being a Wallflower to The Edge of Seventeen, coming-of-age indie films have swept my generation by storm. Recently, it’s become a trend for us Gen Z kids to wish we were starring in one of these iconic films, whether it be because we want to be the main character or we just want to romanticize our lives a bit more. So, I’ve handpicked 10 of my favorite songs to make you feel like you’re the main character you’ve always wanted to be.

1. Grouplove - Tongue Tied

We’re starting off with a throwback that never gets old. If you think you haven’t heard this song, chances are you probably have without even realizing it. Although “Tongue Tied” was released back in 2011, this song has proved itself to be a timeless mix of rock and electropop that’s perfect for singing in your car as you drive down the highway at night with your best friends. Hitting number one on the Billboard Alternative Songs chart a year after its release, Grouplove proved the true magic this song holds despite its prior negative reviews. With an indie influence as well as elements of synthpop and post punk, “Tongue Tied” will have you feeling like the main character as soon as you hit play.

2. BØRNS - Electric Love

The American singer and songwriter BØRNS began his career off with a bang, releasing the critically acclaimed hit “Electric Love”. The poetic lyrics coupled with a heavy glam rock sound will make you feel as if you’re on the top of the world. The music video featuring colorful animations and whimsical dancers perfectly showcases BØRNS as the “main character”. “Electric Love” has such a bright, fun sound that hearing it will immediately make you want to get up and dance. On top of all of this, BØRNS has such a unique voice that definitely stands out. 

3. fun. (feat. Janelle Monáe) - We Are Young

Once again, we have another timeless throwback song. I remember this song constantly playing on the radio when I was younger, and its catchy lyrics getting stuck in my head for days. The perfection of this song speaks for itself, considering the massive achievements it brought the group (including a Grammy award for Song of the Year in 2012). “We Are Young” is the culmination of teenage youth shoved into a 4 minute and 10 second indie pop anthem, with the lyrics describing an unforgettable night out with your friends. Listening to this song, especially with some of your best friends, is perfect for making you feel as if you’re truly living in the moment.

4. M83 - Midnight City

“Midnight City” is a track that’s perfect for playing in the car on a late night drive. The lyrics of the song are a tribute to city nightlife, indicated by the title itself. This is one song that doesn’t need as many lyrics to articulate its message, but the hollow echoes of the lyrics given resonate with the listener. The song’s transcendent sound and memorable riff make it one that you won’t want to miss. You also can’t talk about this song without mentioning the standout saxophone solo that ends the track. I firmly believe that this is one of those songs that’s better listened to than explained, as the song speaks for itself. 

5. Young the Giant - Cough Syrup

As soon as I heard this song come up on my Spotify shuffle, I immediately added it to my playlist. The mix of an indie rock sound with meaningful lyrics caught my attention, and I couldn’t stop listening to the song for weeks. The lyrics of “Cough Syrup” perfectly depict the cliché struggle many coming-of-age indie film protagonists face: the feeling of being lost and aching to get out of your mundane town and lifestyle. However, this common story troupe doesn’t only apply to fictional characters but to many teenagers out there as well (I may or may not be speaking from personal experience). This song by the alternative rock band has the perfect balance of symbolic lyrics and a catchy chorus that you will be humming for hours.

6. Supergrass - Alright

“Alright” is a song that can speak to teenagers everywhere. Lyrics such as “But we are young, we get by” relate back to the simple yet complicated nature of the average teenage experience. Watching the music video, which showcases the British alternative rock band Supergrass joyfully messing around and having fun, will make you wish you could be there and hang out with them as well. The upbeat vibe and joyful piano tune make this song perfect to play on a sunny day.

7. Lonely God - Marlboro Nights

If you frequent the app TikTok, chances are you probably recognize this song from there. Though this indie pop single was released back in 2018, the popular social media app brought it back into the limelight during July 2019. From there, the song reached high spots on the Spotify Viral 50 Charts. The lyrics speak of a love story that many teenagers can probably relate to, especially the opening lyric “I don't want to go to school tomorrow I can't study thinking about you” that immediately leaves an impression on the listener. “Marlboro Nights” is another song which lacks in lyrical amount however holds itself up with a catchy rhythm and lyrics.

8. Bruno Major - Places We Won’t Walk

We’re now taking a sadder turn with this soft R&B track by the British singer and songwriter Bruno Major. Listening to this song, I can picture it playing in the background as the film hits its climax, and the protagonist finally experiences the sad reality of their situation, whether it be losing the love of their life or a close friend. This is arguably the saddest song on this list, however, I feel like it serves to show that being the main character doesn’t always equate to happiness as every person experiences their own highs and lows. Bruno Major’s soothing vocals along with the soft piano in the background make for such a beautiful song. 

9. Wallows - Do Not Wait

Throughout Wallows’ debut album Nothing Happens, they touch on topics such as youth and nostalgia, and the indie rock/bedroom pop song “Do Not Wait” is no exception. The lyrics show how, especially during your teen years, everything feels so world-crushing and the smallest mistake can feel like it’s the end of the world. But in reality nothing happened, and everything is going to turn out okay despite those prior feelings. “Do Not Wait” was the perfect ending to an album full of stories about the teenage experience. When listening to this song, the bridge and outro really stuck up to me, specifically the part where the band member and lyricist of the song Dylan Minnette seems to be speaking to his past self. This shows how the whole song is written from the perspective of his older self talking to his younger self, while simultaneously showing his own personal self growth over the years.

10. Lorde - Ribs

You can’t bring up songs that make you feel like the protagonist in a coming-of-age indie film without mentioning the showstopper that is “Ribs” by Lorde. This song is the perfect description of the bittersweet feeling of never wanting to grow up that all of us experience at least once in our lifetime. Raw and honest lyrics such as “This dream isn't feeling sweet / We're reeling through the midnight streets / And I've never felt more alone / It feels so scary, getting old” give the song a relatable aspect that can appeal to all teenagers. The longing and sadness in the lyrics mixed with Lorde’s unique voice and an upbeat electronica sound make this song so unique. If you are looking for the perfect song to listen to as you dance outside in the rain at night with some of your best friends, or even for those 3 am existential crises, this is the song for you!

Now we’ve finally come to the end of this list, and I hope you found at least one song that makes you feel like you’re the main character. But just know, even if you may not feel like it, you are always the main character of your own life. Life may not always feel as romanticized as films make it out to be, but you always have the ability to romanticize your own life as much as you can: so do it!

If you’d like to check out a playlist with these songs and others that fit this same theme, here’s a link to my Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3jhAQfVQpVmbabQEzG1gGF?si=rP0gfaVAS56RXUXn8aHgbw

[talesofpanem]

The Interview

Author: @xerxia31

Rating: T for potty language, adult situations, mentions of substance abuse and minor character death.

Summary: This has all the makings of the most uncomfortable job interview of all time.

Author’s note: This is for the prompt ‘work’, but I just couldn’t get it done on time. Thank goodness for make-up week!

————

It feels like entering another world, driving through the grounds of the west campus. Everything is wide open, lush, green, alive, a huge contrast to the dirty and crowded city where I’ve been living for the past two years.

There are young people everywhere on the expansive lawns, throwing frisbees or leaning against trees with books or binders in hand, and not a cellphone to be seen. It’s like a utopian fantasy world, on the surface.

But I know better.

I pull up to the building where my appointment will be. Grey stone, old, but not yet old enough to be considered classic. Its architectural failings have been compensated for by brightly-painted window trim and shutters, and climbing vines clinging to the stones, bursting with purple flowers. Elegant, but only if you don’t look too closely. For all of its window dressing, it’s an institution.

I’d been instructed to wait in the lobby, arranged as a waiting room of sorts. It’s little more than a dozen chairs ringing the area, facing the double set of interior doors, faded industrial carpet underfoot. I settle into one, the sun-hardened vinyl squeaks in protest. The walls are covered with inspirational posters, pictures of sunsets and mountaintops with words of wisdom in bold print underneath. Motivation. Persistence. Achievement. 

“Mr. Mellark?” 

I jump to my feet as a young woman with glossy black ringlets enters the room where I’ve been cooling my heels for twenty minutes. She smiles at me. “They’re ready for you now.”

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, I wipe my hands on my suit pants before picking up my portfolio. I can’t remember the last time I was this nervous about anything. Young Peeta Mellark was an outgoing, gregarious fellow. But I haven’t been that guy in a very long time.

The doors close behind me, electronic locks snapping ominously. 

The young woman, Rue, she tells me her name is, leads me along a dim corridor, the floors polished to gleaming, reflecting scattered pools of light. “We only use emergency lighting in the offices on the weekends,” she confides. “Budget…” I nod. The schools where I worked while finishing my master’s degrees had all struggled with budgets too. Education is not a career that is steeped in money.

But working with children is what I’ve chosen. And this job, at this particular school, is the one I want more than anything.

Art therapist at the Panem Institute.

The Panem Institute is the preeminent residential facility for kids in trouble, kids struggling with substance abuse issues or mental health disorders. And unlike most centres of its kind, lack of funds is not a barrier to admission.

I can’t help wondering how different my life might have turned out if I’d had access to a place like this when I was a teen. Would I be established now, with a life I could be proud of? A wife, maybe even a family of my own?

Instead, I’m thirty, with a shiny new double MA in social work and art therapy, and precious little in the way of resumé experience. That the institute is even meeting with me is almost miraculous. Apart from student placements and volunteer work, I have almost nothing to show for my life.

But I want this job so badly I can almost taste it. This job, this place– this is why I’ve worked so hard the past six years, for the chance to make up for my own failings.

My childhood wasn’t fantastic, but it was typical by most measures. The youngest of three children, I was born upstate, in a quintessential white-washed all-American small town where everyone knew everyone else. My parents didn’t get along, but they stuck it out for the sake of us boys, which is retrospect was probably far, far worse for us than if they’d simply split.

Instead, beaten down by a life she hated and a town she couldn’t escape, my mother was cold, and often rough with us. Rye, Brann and I learned young to hide from her temper. She, in turn, hid in a bottle.

My dad, though, was my hero, mine and my brothers’ too. He coached our little league teams, came to every one of our wrestling matches, filled our lives with cookies and hugs. Shielded us from mother’s ever-increasing drunken and violent episodes.

Then midway through my senior year of high school, the unthinkable happened. My father, my kind, generous father, was murdered. Shot by some punk barely older than I was, killed for nothing more than the two hundred dollars in the cash register of the small family bakery my father owned.

I was devastated.

There was no one left to moderate my mother’s behaviour with my father gone and my brothers away at school. Down to one final obligation, freedom in sight, she made it her sole purpose in life to be rid of me as well. Or maybe she was just drowning in grief and alcoholism and wasn’t even aware of how she was acting, a theory my brother broached at the time. Whatever the reason, life at home deteriorated. Badly.

And like my mother, I sought refuge in a bottle. Or many, many bottles.

I’d already been offered a college wrestling scholarship based on my earlier performances. A good thing since I showed up at the state wrestling championship - my last ever high school wrestling meet and the first one where my father wasn’t a spectator - hungover as hell, or maybe still a little drunk, and ended up placing second.

College was supposed to be my escape, but by the time I got to State that September, I was far more interested in getting bombed than in studying or practicing. 

Over the course of a year, I destroyed every dream I’d ever had, every hope, every plan, every relationship. I alienated every friend, every mentor, even, eventually, my own brothers.

And I hadn’t even cared.

Twelve years later, I’ve clawed my way back, one sober day at a time, through more ups and downs than I can even remember. Fought to become a man my father would have been proud of. But I didn’t do it alone. Therapists and counsellors helped me heal, and in doing so showed me how satisfying it could be to guide someone back from the brink, to help set them on the right path.

And that’s why I’m here now, standing sweaty-palmed but hopeful at the door of a boardroom. Interviewing for a job where I could change the lives of troubled young people like I once was.

My escort, Rue, pulls the door open and gestures for me to enter. The room is small and much brighter than the hallway, with a pair of large windows and pale wood reflecting the warm afternoon light. It takes me a moment to adjust to the brightness, to focus on the group of people waiting for me.

Then the bottom drops out of my stomach, and out of my world.

I never got blackout drunk. Consequently, I remember every stupid decision I made, every assholish word I said. And the recipient of one of the tirades I regret most is sitting across the table, her ebony hair pulled back in an elegant chignon. 

Katniss Everdeen.

She and I went to school together, from kindergarten all the way through until I ruined my life. I had the worst crush on her back then. But until after we graduated from high school, she didn’t even know I was alive.

Imagine my shock when, a few months into my ill-fated college career, I ran into her at a party on campus. I’d had no idea she went to the same school. But I was well into a bottle of Bombay that night, and what should have been the start of an epic relationship, or at least a chance for me to talk to the girl I’d lusted after always, turned into a nightmare.

I was already slipping then, already on academic probation, already suspended from the wrestling team and constantly in trouble with my coaches. I was weeks away from losing everything - my scholarship, my sport, my friends. And every encounter with my professors, with my academic advisor, with the counsellor the athletic department had insisted on, every single one had impressed on me that I wasn’t good enough, though I am, in retrospect, certain that’s not what any of them had meant. But I’d had so much anger in my system then, so much loathing. 

And Katniss, beautiful, seemingly unattainable Katniss, for some reason seeing her there triggered the deepest well of self pity to open in my chest. She was, in that moment, the embodiment of everything I’d been told I could never have. My gut clenches and my heart hurts as I remember the vitriol I’d spewed at her that night, the accusations about her character and motivations, every one of them utterly untrue. I’d called her stuck-up, selfish, a bitch, among so many other words. Katniss, beautiful, stoic Katniss hadn’t reacted at all, apart from a widening of her eyes and maybe a slight trembling of her lower lip. When I’d run out of filth to throw her way, she’d simply blinked and said softly, “This isn’t you, Peeta.” Then she’d walked away.

I have heard those words in my head a thousand times since that night. 

It had taken another three years of couch-surfing and homelessness, of lying and begging and stealing to feed my addiction, before I finally hit rock-bottom. In an alley in the Capitol, with a bunch of other low-life scum just like me, I’d listened as they made plans to rob a convenience store a few blocks away. So desperate was I for the few bucks it would have garnered me that I was ready to go along with them… until I saw the gun.

The idea of robbing a little mom-and-pop convenience store at gunpoint was my come to Jesus moment. I was hunched in filth, hungry and so desperate for a drink that I was steps away from becoming the man who had killed my father.

The road back from that point wasn’t straight, and it wasn’t easy. I’d like to say that I never had another drink after that, but it’d be a lie. But I’ve been sober now for seven years and forty-four days, a purple medallion in my pocket reminds me every day how far I’ve come.

As does Katniss’s voice in my head, reminding me when I feel weak, when the cravings hit hard, that I’m not that person.

But she doesn’t know that. Looking across the table, she must be seeing the asshole who treated everyone, and especially her, like dirt.

“Please have a seat, Mr. Mellark,” an older, balding man says, smiling. I recognize his voice, Plutarch Heavensbee, the institute’s director, with whom I’ve spoken on the phone several times before today. I hesitate though, steeling myself to meet Katniss’s eyes. If she looks uncomfortable I’ll leave. It wouldn’t be fair to her if I stayed. As disappointing as it’ll be to walk away from this opportunity that I want so damned badly, I have only myself to blame.

I catch her gaze, silver pools in the sunlight, expecting her to be glaring at me. She’s not though, her expression is carefully neutral. But as if she sees the question in my glance, she nods.

Plutarch introduces the others in turn; Reza Seder, head of counselling services, Dr. Lavinia DeSantis, head of medical services, Alma Coin, head of security. “And of course you know Ms. Everdeen,” Plutarch says, his smile widening, and I can feel my eyebrows crawling up to my hairline. She knew I was coming, told the others that she knew me, and yet I’m still here. They’re still going to interview me.

“Hello, Peeta,” she says, in that smoky smooth bourbon voice that has acted as my conscience for years. And, okay, has narrated my fantasies too, if I’m being honest.

“I’ve already disclosed to the board that we grew up together,” she continues, “and they’re okay with my presence. But of course I’ll leave if it makes you uncomfortable having me here.” Her words and delivery are coolly professional, but beneath them I hear a faint note of pleading. She wants to be here, I just know it. And though I’m likely signing the death warrant on this job, I find myself asking her to stay.

This has all the makings of the most uncomfortable job interview of all time. But if I’ve learned anything from my primary therapist, Dr. Aurelius, it’s that I can’t run from my past. And if I’ve learned anything from AA, it’s that I can’t ignore my shortcomings.

Each member questions me, softballs to start - my education, my job experiences, my plans. I pull out my portfolio, walk them through the educational and therapeutic programs I’ve developed, outline what worked during my previous placements, what innovations I’d like to employ. They seem impressed, and I start to relax. 

“You didn’t go to college right after high school, Mr. Mellark?” Alma Coin asks, her strange, pale eyes cold and judgemental. I stiffen; this is where previous interviews have gone off the rails. I’d never outright lie about my addiction, but I’m not keen to bring it up either. Even seven years sober, people are reluctant to entrust an alcoholic to watch over children.

“That’s correct,” I tell her. “I didn’t start my undergrad until I was twenty-four.”

“Why is that?” I could tell her that I couldn’t afford it until then, that’s true, or about my father’s death throwing a spanner in my plans, also true.

Katniss is looking at me, grey eyes wide and guileless. She nods again, and it feels like encouragement. I know what I have to say.

“I’m an alcoholic,” I tell them, bracing for their reactions. But nobody flinches. “I’ve been sober for seven years. But I started drinking in high school, and I lost a lot of years to the disease.” Across from me, a hint of a smile graces Katniss’s pouty peach lips. I take it as my cue to keep going. “That’s why I went into social work, and why I want to work here so much. To help kids like me. To maybe save some of them from the mistakes I made.”

There are nods around the table, no one looks particularly surprised. I don’t know whether Katniss has told them, or if it came up in my background check.

“And you’re not concerned that working with addicted children might trigger you to revisit your own demons? Your CV is completely lacking in experience with troubled youth.” It’s true, my field placements were all in middle schools, my experience as an art therapist mostly with kids with ADHD or autism spectrum disorders. The kids here by and large have much more complex issues, abuse and addiction and mental illness all compounded, often violent and criminal backgrounds too. 

“I’ve spent years in therapy learning to cope with my triggers,” I tell Coin.

“That’s not the same as real-world experience,” Seder interjects. “These kids, the things they tell you, the things they’ve seen. It’s gutting.”

“I realize that,” I tell her, affecting the most professional tone I’m capable of despite the cavern that’s opened in my stomach, the knowledge that I’m nowhere near qualified enough in their eyes. “I completed a research project on intergenerational addiction in college and interviewed hundreds of young addicts.”

“That’s really not the same as interacting with them day to day,” Seder says, and it’s not cruel, but it feels dismissive.

“I also observed troubled youth in counselling during my practicum while I was in graduate school.” They know this, it’s in my resumé, along with letters of reference from the clinician supervisors. But Seder is shaking her head and Coin looks unimpressed and I can feel the opportunity slipping away.

“Peeta has volunteered as a mentor at the Children’s Hospital’s substance abuse treatment program for more than three years,” Katniss interjects, and every hair on my body stands on end. Because while that’s true, it’s also something that’s not in my resumé, something I’ve avoided self-reporting because it’s common knowledge that the program volunteers are all addicts in recovery themselves.

I have no idea how she knows that.

My gaze snaps to Katniss. Her expression remains carefully neutral, but there is the barest hint of a smile in her silver eyes.

“That’s an excellent program,” Dr. De Santis says, looking up from her notes for the first time. “They’re incredibly selective about who they choose to work with their clients.” 

“They are,” I agree. The screening had been brutal, but it had been necessary, so many of those kids have lead lives that make mine look like a walk in the park and many are not shy about sharing all of the horrific details. “They can’t risk having the volunteers drop out or relapse. The kids need the stability of knowing that they can’t scare away their mentors. So many of them have had everyone else in their lives give up on them.” I swallow hard; it’s the reason I volunteer there. I’ve seen myself in so many of their faces, kids who use alcohol and drugs to escape the pain, kids who lash out and push away the people around them before those people can abandon them. Like I’d done to my teachers and coaches, my friends and my brothers.

Like I’d done to Katniss, all of those years ago.

“How do you find your personal experiences impact your work with those children?” Katniss asks, a gently leading question, and one for which I am so grateful.

“I can empathise with them in ways that their doctors and case workers often can’t,” I say, mostly tamping down the waver in my voice. Four sets of eyes watch me intently. “It’s the whole basis for the program, giving these kids not only guidance, but hope for their future. If I can succeed after all of my mistakes, after all I’ve done, then they can too.”

“And you intend on continuing to volunteer there?” Coin asks.

“I do.” I’ve already checked with the hospital about whether this job would constitute a conflict of interest, they assured me it would not.

Across the table, each of the interviewers smiles, even Coin, though her smile looks a little less genuine. But I only have eyes for Katniss. Because her smile feels like forgiveness. And though this is my dream job, I feel like even if I don’t get it I’ve accomplished something monumental here. I’ve shown Katniss that she was right, that nasty boy who hurt her, who made her feel small and alone, that person wasn’t me.

Plutarch claps his hands. “Excellent, my boy,” he says. “Now let’s talk salary.”

“I… what?” 

“For the position.” At my expression, he laughs. “The interview is really just a formality,” he says, mirth twinkling in his eyes. “The job is yours if you want it.” He pushes a couple of papers across the table. A contract. “I know it’s a little less in salary than you’d make in private practice, but we offer a comprehensive benefits package. Take a couple of days to look it over and let us know.”

I don’t need a couple of days. I don’t need a couple of minutes. “I want the job,” I tell him firmly.

“Well then,” Plutarch booms with evident pleasure. “Welcome aboard, Mr. Mellark.” He reaches across to shake my hand firmly, and I can’t help my goofy grin. I got the job!

Plutarch informs me that their admin will get in touch with me over the next few days to file the tax and legal paperwork they need, and then I’ll begin at the start of the new term, some four weeks away. And I nod in all the right places, but my mind is spinning so fast I’m almost dizzy with it.

I shake each of their hands in turn, lingering just a bit longer to squeeze Katniss’s hand tightly. I thank each of them, but my gratitude to her means more. I think she can tell.

“Could you see Mr. Mellark out?” Plutarch asks Katniss, and she agrees, though she doesn’t meet my eyes. 

I follow her silently down the corridor, towards the exit, the delicate tapping of her heels on linoleum almost drowned out by the pounding of my pulse in my ears. Katniss was a cute kid, tiny and scrappy, and she had morphed into a fierce and self-possessed young woman  by the time we’d graduated high school. But now, at thirty, she’s an absolute bombshell. Still lean, but with delicate curves that her pencil skirt and blouse highlight perfectly. She walks with confidence, back straight, head held high. She’s more intimidating than ever.

At the electronic doors, she pauses, hand poised just above the lever that would release the locks. Then she sighs, and glances back at me over her shoulder. “Would you like to have a cup of tea with me? Catch up?” I’m nearly rendered speechless; not only is Katniss Everdeen willing to work with me, she’s willing to talk with me too. 

“I’d like that,” I rasp, the first words I’ve spoken directly to her in twelve long years.

She leads me back into the building and up a set of stairs. Another corridor stretches in front of us, windowless doors set close together. “Our offices,” she says. Partway down the hall, she stops and pulls a set of keys from her pocket. A small brass plate on the door reads Katniss Everdeen, Lead Addictions Therapist.

Her office is small, and appears to be set up for both paperwork and individual counselling sessions with a tiny desk tucked back into the corner but comfortable looking couches dominating the space. She confirms my guess. “I see the lower risk kids here,” she says. “It feels less institutional that way.”

I can only stare, stunned, as she unlocks a cabinet and withdraws a tea kettle. I knew Katniss’s title here from Plutarch’s introduction of course. But until now, it hadn’t really sunk in, what she does. She’s an addictions counsellor. How utterly incredible that she went into the very field that eventually inspired my own career path.

“Sit, please,” she says over her shoulder. I slip off my blazer, draping it over the arm of the couch, then sink into plush microfibre. The ceramic clink of teacups and spoons and the sultry sway of her perfect posterior as she putters, preparing tea and humming just faintly are almost hypnotic. For all of the times I’d thought about Katniss Everdeen, I never imagined I’d ever actually see her again, and good lord she’s so much hotter than even my edgiest fantasies. “Black, right?” she says, snapping me out of my lurid thoughts.

“Uh, yeah,” I say after a moment’s pause where I try to pull myself together and remember that she’s making tea, so that we can talk. So that I can apologize to her. As glorious as her ass is, I have no business looking at her that way. I lost any possible chance I might have had a dozen years ago.

But she knows how I take my tea. The last time I saw her, gin was the only thing I was drinking.

She sets a red mug in front of me, on the low table between the couches. But she herself sits beside me, instead of across from me, which surprises me. Though maybe it shouldn’t, since she’s a therapist. Knowing how to set someone at ease is part of her training. It’s backfiring in my case though, since her closeness feels intimate. I catch a hint of her scent, something fresh and green but with a little bit of spice, like a campfire in the woods. So perfectly Katniss. “How have you been?” she says, sipping from her own mug.

“Better,” I tell her, because she’s not asking to make small talk. In addition to knowing everything I confessed in the interview, she was there when my world fell apart, she saw first hand how shitty I was.

“I’m glad,” she says softly, and she smiles, and it’s so beautiful and sweet it nearly breaks my heart.

“I am so sorry,” I tell her, but the words are completely inadequate. How do you tell someone that they are not only your biggest regret, but also your biggest inspiration? “For how I treated you when I was drinking. You didn’t deserve any of that, and I have regretted it every day.”

“I know,” she says. 

“And what you did for me today,” I continue before my nerve runs out. “I can’t begin to thank you. You not only gave me this chance when you could have told any of them I wasn’t worth considering, but you actively helped me in the interview.”

“You earned the job, Peeta. Plutarch was already convinced before you even walked in the door.”

“The others weren’t.”

She laughs. “I knew Lavinia would love you. And Alma, well, she doesn’t really like anyone, but I have a feeling you’ll win her over eventually.”

“What about you?” I can’t help asking. She’s treating me so kindly, but she can’t possibly have forgiven me. I know she hasn’t forgotten. 

“I believe in second chances.” Her smile is softer, a little pained. “I knew you’d find your way back.”

“I was such a dick.”

“You were,” she agrees. “But I knew that wasn’t you.”

“You said that back then too,” I tell her, my tea forgotten. “I, uhm.” My neck feels hot and I rub it distractedly. “I hear you saying that, when I’m having a difficult day. It’s helped me so much over the years. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.” It’s embarrassing as hell to admit that. But she deserves the truth.

She snorts, and it’s a sound so at odds with her elegant presentation and with the seriousness of our conversation. My gaze snaps up to her face, she looks amused and abashed. 

“You’re the reason I went into psychology,” she says, and my eyebrows shoot up to my hairline. “I was a biology major first year. But seeing how everyone failed you after your dad died, and how easy it was for you to fall…” she trails off. “And then when you came back to school to try again, sober and working so hard, I knew I’d made the right choice.”

“You were there?” 

She nods. “Just for a semester. I was finishing my masters. I saw you a couple of times on campus, but you never noticed me.”

Honestly, that’s probably for the best. That early in my recovery I was still so fragile, just getting through classes took every bit of effort I had, and I spent so many hours with my sponsor and therapist back then I had no time for anyone else. “I wish I’d known,” I tell her. “But I had my head pretty far up my own ass.”

“You didn’t though.” She looks away, towards the tiny, narrow window on the exterior wall, barred, like all of the windows I’ve seen in this building. “I watched you. I’ve kept track of you over the years, when I could. Even then you were already working so hard to make amends.”

I was. And I can tell by that specific word that she knows why. One of the steps in AA is making amends for the shitty things we’ve done, at least where doing so won’t cause any further damage. In those early years, I’d concentrated mostly on my brothers, and earning their trust again. But I also spent time speaking with professors and coaches who I had alienated. It would have been far easier to start over at a different college, and likely would have been less triggering. But it’d have been a coward’s way.

“I never got a chance before now to apologize to you,” I whisper. She’d kept track of me, but I hadn’t made the same effort. Before the booze, Katniss Everdeen was that perfect, unattainable fantasy woman I put on a pedestal and never approached. And after, I locked her away, so terribly ashamed by my actions that I never sought her out, even though she would have been easy to find. I was terrified by how she might look at me.

But she’s clearly a much bigger person than I could ever be.

“I think the time wouldn’t have been right before now,” she says. “For either of us.”

We lapse into silence, Katniss still staring out the window, me fiddling with the mug I’ve picked up again. “Can I ask you something?” she says, and there’s something in her tone that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

“Of course.”

“That night… why me?” She’s trying to keep her voice even, I can tell, but the slight waver slays me. 

“You were there, and I was a drunken asshole,” I rasp, but she shakes her head, glancing at me.

“It was more than that. The things you said…” she looks away, but not before I see the shine in her eyes. Not before I see the hurt I had been expecting all along. The knowledge that even all of these years later, my words continue to bother her is gut-wrenching. I feel like the biggest piece of shit.

“It was all bullshit, Katniss, the ramblings of an absolute lowlife shit of a human.”

“There’s always truth, even in ramblings,” she says softly. “It certainly wasn’t the first time I’d been called those things. But we’d never even spoken before then. I didn’t know you even knew my name.”

“I knew you, Katniss. I’d always been watching you.” She turns back to me eyebrows raised, confusion in every line of her beautiful face. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, and I don’t want to make excuses for my absolutely inexcusable behaviour. But she deserves the whole truth. I drop my gaze to my lap. “The truth is, I had a huge crush on you, nearly the whole way through high school.” 

She makes a little choking sound, and I can’t bear to look at her. I know I’m doing unfathomable damage to our potential working relationship, confessing like this. I’ll decline Plutarch’s offer, if being here will hurt her. But I can’t let her think that any of the awful things I said had even a speck of truth to them. I can’t let her take any blame. 

“In senior year,” I continue, “I had finally convinced myself that I was going to talk to you, to ask you to the Valentine’s dance. But then…” I trail off. My father had died at the end of January, and everything else in my life had fallen away, sucked into the black pit of grief.

A soft, cool hand lands on my forearm, and I glance up. Far from looking disgusted, as I was expecting, Katniss is looking at me with compassion, even through her confusion. “When I saw you that night,” I whisper, barely able to get the words out. “I had already screwed up everything else in my life. I was just so angry at the world, but mostly at myself. I was drowning in regret and self-loathing. And you were there, and you were every bit as beautiful as you had always been. And you just represented everything I wanted so badly and had fucked up. My father was gone, my sport was gone, and the girl of my dreams was completely out of my league. And I lost it, lashed out at you instead of at the person who really deserved it. Me.”

“You didn’t deserve it either,” she whispers, and her eyes shine silver under a film of moisture.

I place my hand over hers where it still rests on my arm, and she doesn’t pull away. “I’m truly sorry, Katniss. Hurting you is the biggest regret of my life.” 

“I accept your apology.” I squeeze her hand in gratitude, and a sad half smile ticks at her lips.

“I won’t take the offer,” I murmur, and her brow furrows again. “This is your career, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, being here.”

She shakes her head. “You won’t,” she says. “I’ve been watching you for so long, cheering for you from the sidelines. I feel like I know you. And I know you won’t ever repeat that mistake.”

“I won’t,” I swear. “I’ll always be an alcoholic, and there will always be a risk that I’ll relapse. But I’ve learned so much in therapy, about communication and managing my emotions. About coping. I have better mechanisms now, and a really great support group behind me.” It had taken a long time to make things right with my brothers, but they are my staunchest supporters now. And my sponsor, Haymitch, is a crusty old bastard, but he’d rip out someone’s throat before letting me down.

“Then stay,” she says. “I’d like to start again, if it wouldn’t make you uncomfortable. Build up that friendship we should have had.” She looks down at our hands. At some point, she’d flipped her palm and I’d entwined my fingers with hers.

“Always,” I whisper in awe, and she smiles, that beautiful, elusive smile that I know will be the stuff of all of my future fantasies. And maybe, just maybe, the stuff of my future reality too.

[gra-sonas]

Exclusive interview with Michael Vlamis from Roswell, New Mexico

Protagonist of this month’s web interview is Michael Vlamis, known for having played a small role in the television series “New Girl”, now he is seeing his career taking off thanks to Michael Guerin, the character he plays in Roswell, New Mexico, series created by Carina Adly Mackenzie and inspired by the Roswell High novels written by Melinda Metz. He recently produced and starred in his first feature film 5 years Apart and is currently engaged in several projects as a writer and actor. In this interview Michael talks about his passion for acting, his first difficulties in playing dramatic roles and his character in Roswell New Mexico. Through his ironic and light narrative, Michael advises emerging actors to follow their truth and honor their uniqueness, without forgetting to enjoy life to the fullest.

1) Roswell New Mexico will arrive in Italy in September 2019. Can you tell us more about your character and the plot?

Bout time! But seriously, I’m excited for all of you. Our show centers around three aliens living amongst humans in secrecy in small town, Roswell, NM. After being away for 10 years, an old flame of one of the aliens returns to town and begins to uncover the truth behind her sister’s death, which leads to us potentially becoming exposed. It’s a fun, wild show that has romance, action, sci-fi, and more. I get to play Michael Guerin – an alien bad boy with a heart of gold. Yes. I just said that about myself.

2) Have you ever seen the original series of Roswell, or read the Roswell High novels? If so, did Michael’s characterization inspire you in any way?

I was familiar with the 1947 UFO crash in Roswell, but I hadn’t seen the show or read the novels. Once I booked the role, I did research on both to have a feel for the original properties, but I preferred to not dive in too deep, especially not into the original character. It was easier to bring a fresh take that way. Ignorance is bliss. But I have heard the original Michael and myself both have wild hair. So there’s a similarity.

3) In the series, topics such as immigration, its social consequences and sexuality are discussed, were you expecting the reactions that fans had about the Malex couple?

I had no idea what to expect! This was my first show. And the first time I’d be getting intimate with a man. All I knew was that I wanted to honor the story and the character as truthfully as possible. I poured everything into our scenes, as did Tyler Blackburn, the other half of Malex. He was an absolute joy to work with and a huge reason people have resonated so much with our relationship. I receive messages on social media daily from fans who say our characters inspired them to come out to their own families, which means a lot to me.

4) Where does your passion for acting come from?


There’s nothing I love more than story telling and as an actor you’re constantly telling a story. I also love being honest and living without a filter, but that’s not always acceptable. When I act, I can do anything I want because I’m in character and I’m “acting.” If you aren’t living your truth, you’re holding back, and holding back is the worst thing you can do on screen. I relate and feel so much when I watch great actors and I can only hope I’m doing the same for our fans. The truth is what fuels me.

5) Have you ever had second thoughts or doubts about not being able to realize this ambition of yours? If you hadn’t become an actor, what would you have wanted to do?


I didn’t realize I wanted to be an actor until my senior year of college. I was studying business and playing baseball at the time, but was always getting hurt. After my second knee surgery, I decided to hang up the cleats and audition for a short film. I booked the role and after acting in the film, I knew it was what I wanted to do. And to be honest, I never had a doubt I wouldn’t be successful.

I was so naïve, but I think it’s important to be naïve sometimes. If you live life practically, you’ll never achieve your dreams. Because dreams aren’t practical. They’re dreams! And I never knew what I wanted to do, even while I was in school, so I really don’t know. Probably a writer, director, or producer, which are all just has hard! I got really lucky. And I recognize that every day. But I think it’s important to note that even if it took until 90 to achieve my dreams, I would say I got lucky.

6) Did you have any difficulty in embracing new roles that didn’t belong to comedy?


Oh, yeah! I got in my first acting class when I was 25 and it messed me up. The first four weeks I performed comedies and then my teacher, Sandy Marshall, started giving me dramas, which I struggled with. After a scene, she once said, “Michael, that was good. But we don’t have good actors in my class, Michael.” She was saying she only had great actors. She was very tough on me because she saw potential and one day, I had a breakthrough. Something clicked. I realized there’s no “right” way to do a scene. All you have to do is make the circumstances real and live truthfully from moment to moment. Sounds like the easiest thing in the world, but it was surprisingly hard for me to recognize. Once I did, I never looked back.

7) Have you ever encountered difficulties in identifying yourself with a character with completely different life experiences than yours?

I haven’t because the character, no matter how different, is made up of my own life experiences that may not be similar, but do relate. For example, the character I play in Roswell grew up in the foster system and was severely abused. He’s also an alien! Obviously, I’m not an alien and I didn’t grow up in foster care, but I was a fat kid longing for acceptance and felt like I had a lot to prove. I bet Michael Guerin felt similar. As for scenes where I have to portray something I’ve never experienced, such as losing a parent, I convince myself what’s happening is real. I have to, otherwise I feel phony. The difficult part is going to a place so deep and dark you feel sick to your stomach, but that difficulty is my favorite thing to do.

8) What would you recommend to a beginner who would like to pursue this career?


Don’t be afraid to break the rules and never compare yourself to anyone. That’s a dangerous road and gets you nowhere. Everyone has a different story and all the things that make you unique are what are going to give you a career. Oh, and get really damn good at acting. That’s your only shot. Unless you have an aunt or uncle in the biz or something. If you do, let them know I’m down to be in their next film. Thanks.

9) What gives you the right charge to start a day of shooting on the right foot?


Music and coffee. In that order. I also always drive to set with the windows down, even when it’s snowing. Adds a little bounce to the curls. Kidding. But maybe not…

10) Are you currently working on other projects?

I recently produced and starred in my first feature film, 5 Years Apart, which should come out next year. In addition to that, I have a TV show I co-created that’s getting some great traction, and a feature film I wrote just got optioned by a big producer. In 2017, I wrote every day out of desperation. Now, I’m known as a writer and those projects are taking off. Life is hilarious. Enjoy it.

~ latestmagazine.com

[han100894]

Spoilers for The Girl Genius Novel 4 –Mostly about Zeetha and Higgs

Okay I’m just going to start and say that so far I, in my obsession, mostly skimmed the book to find the parts with Higgs and Zeetha. So full disclosure there, I haven’t actually finished it yet. I got impatient with waiting for my physical copy and bought the ebook. I’ll read it properly with my physical copy arrives.

So I just have to say I’m really annoyed that the doubled down on the “Zeetha was being irresponsible and overconfident” bit—they even straight up admit that what happened was because of the plant and she was drugged, but still act like it was all her irresponsibility. That’s not how this works. When someone is drugged out of her mind—and to make it clear, yes so was everyone else, but they were aware they were drugged, Zeetha was clueless and so couldn’t fight it nearly as well—you can’t call them irresponsible and overconfident.

Not to mention, she didn’t even really do anything overconfident? She just briefly talks to Tarvek—that’s it. Also Higgs is the first one hit—he gets shoved back before Zeetha gets stabbed. He then also, while fighting very seriously—gets stabbed just like her? What exactly does he think would have gone differently had Zeetha not briefly talked to Tarvek?

And I get and understand that since this was his first wakeup call that he liked her (though I don’t think he actually realized truly realized until he’s on the clank—the way he words it makes it sound like he’s just figuring it out himself that he likes her, and wants her, and wants her to like him to) and so he’s not thinking straight and being overprotective—but I really wish the narrative would maybe point that out? Instead of acting like it’s a fact.

Like even if it’s just Mamma pointing out the he also got stabbed, after the fact, exactly like Zeetha did? Or Agatha tell Zeetha after her apology that no—you were unknowingly drugged—that’s not overconfidence, that’s not how that works?

Plus, honestly I feel that despite the fact he was trying to resolve her guilt when she first woke up, that Higgs focus on her “overconfidence” likely only worsened her guilt. She seems to take his opinion as fact as well…

Actually I think that a good chunk her trying to show off to Higgs is that she’s desperately trying to prove herself good enough after what happened. Both because she likes him and quite possible think all he sees in her is an idiot at this point, but also for her own sake… granted that second part is going into headcanon territory here.

(I have an headcanon/ fanon that Zeetha has a problem with “not being good enough” that comes from being a twin is Skifander, where her achievements were never good enough for a lot of people who saw her as a twin and nothing else, no matter how good they were or even if they were equivalent to those her age around her that got praised—so if that headcanon is true then well… Higgs words may have been a bit of a blow… Also in my fanon it’s her grandmother who is the worst of it too… so double blow?)

I should probably get over it, but it annoys me. I swear there was never anything major that indicated Zeetha had a problem with overconfidence until this subplot, so it still feels like it’s forced, and as the double down it feels even more so? Zeetha already gets to play worf whenever she’s fighting, it would be nice if she could at least not get called overconfident to. Especially in a world of Sparks—who are beyond overconfident and reckless—get to get away with it constantly?

(Yes, with the Horsie Beastie she gets a sprained ankle, but that’s the risk of fighting short ranged—and she was the only one of the group to work with someone else (Yeti) with a plan instead of just stumbling over everyone else. With Passholdt she’s very aware this is serious and they could die, and as she fought Lu in Agatha despite her boastings she was careful, both to test what Lu could do but also to not hurt Agatha to much (A wrong punch can kill someone after all).

Though I do like that it’s implied Zeetha did get Mamma’s blessing to join the fighting. And that other than her injury throbbing (as to be expected) she’s not shown once to actually be struggling with it. It’s not slowing her down, weakening her, or limiting her movements at all. She shows no sign of having trouble breathing, even after fighting or running, despite the fact her lungs had to have been punctured.

Though her injury… or rather her treatment… While it’s not confirmed here it is heavily implied she got the draught which, I mean yeah in canon it’s canon but still. I’m still not thrilled with the idea. Zeetha had been worfed so often that it just feels cheap—and kinda sad—that going forward she’ll likely win not through her own power (or even choice, she didn’t get to make the decision to take the draught after all) but through a mcguffin.

I would have also liked to see her power up come from either herself (Whether her keeping up as a badass normal, or some kind of war spark (I still hold onto the theory she had like, half the spark gene, and she had a psudo breakthrough when killing Bang’s fleet that maybe she’ll one day be able to control) or from something related to Skifander (since it is her character’s plot, and a huge part of her life.) Instead she once again kind feels like she getting overshadowed, whether by her connection it Agatha or her connection with Higgs. I like Ziggs, and it’s potential, a lot but I don’t want Zeetha downgraded to being basically Higgs girlfriends, which a lot of what has happened so far has felt like…

Well I’m just not thrilled.

I am hoping that her odd reaction (Two and half years in she’s neither mutated, or shown any enhanced ability in toughness or strength) to it is eventually going to mean that no—she didn’t react to the Jägerdraught in any normal way and isn’t becoming a Jäger. That her Skifandrian heritage (Which likely has something similar to the Dyne considering the connection of the Queens, and needing that power to become one…) basically neutralized it beyond taking the dyne water in its energy to heal her… or something. So she can get a proper power up through something else.

(I mean, I like the idea that Higgs won’t lose her to old age, but also kinda wish that a different method would be used to stop that… God Queen anyone XD. Though if all it did was make her un-ageing and that her power up comes from something else, I’m okay with that to.)

(…I still love the idea of God Queen Zeetha though… I mean, she almost more than Agatha has connections to that plot line thanks to Skifander.)

Also it’s confirmed she did die, briefly, which like… um, if she was that bad off maybe Higgs should have walked a little faster through the Castle, or let Agatha actually set her up on life support or something. They had set on Von Pinn rather quickly after all I mean… but whatever. They wanted her to die, for some reason. Probably to try and drive the overconfident point home… or something. (Or maybe to go God Queen you have to die, take the dyne water (or equivalent, it’s the energy that matters I think) and then get electrocuted… while the electrocution takes several years after the others that has all happened to Zeetha like it did Agatha…just saying…)

Also I’d like to say that Higgs stealing her swords was still a shitty thing to do. An understandably shitty thing to do, but a shitty thing to do regardless. While he may not know that, they are very important to her (they are the only thing she keeps in good condition before she meets Agatha, even her arm bands are grimy) and most importantly she’s an adult. Maybe take them away, still shitty but sure, but actually hiding them is infantilizing at best. Again him acting unreasonable because of sudden case of feeling, but I wish something had been made of it.

Also I want to make it clear, I’m not upset with Higgs actions. It’s great fodder for misunderstandings, a bit of angst, and grounds for them to have a good long talk that will end with their relationship growing stronger as well as character development. I’m just a bit annoyed with how the narrative as a whole is viewing them as well as… honestly… I no longer have much faith of the Fogilos when it comes to character three dimensionsness and development. So I’m… leery…

But enough of that, another thing to wonder

Who the heck is Omeetza that Zeetha briefly thinks is Higgs? IS this going to be a Time travel thing? Are the group going to end up in the past and become legends in Skifander? That would be hilarious. Makes me wonder what the “drive and burning singlemindedness” is about if it is/ will be him. 10 digibucks it has something to do with helping Zeetha. (Hopefully without overshadowing her though, please let the Skifander plot revolve around mostly her side of things, she’s been overshadowed so much.)

The other two options is that Higgs is just vaguely resembles a legendary figure, or that he’s been to Skifander in the past. The first one is boring, and also unlikely because why bring it up without fully explaining the legend then, and the last one I hope not, though, he does have an odd reaction when looking at the swords… so maybe he’s seen them before?

To be fair I understand him keeping that secret much more than him not telling Zeetha about the draught, he couldn’t answer that one as easily without letting his secrets go—plus knowing Zeetha he has no idea just how bad not knowing where Skifander is hurt even three years later. Though you would think that would have come up now that he’s confessed. And also I have a harder time think Zeetha would just let the fact he knew that go as easily. She might understand but I can’t help but feel it should hurt.

Alright back to a little salt though, I swear if it comes out that Zeetha wasn’t at least aware Higgs was a high ranking Jäger, if not a general or spymaster (though even those would be nice) then I’m gunna riot. The novels are even more clear how suspicions she is of him, and if Gil and Tarvek can figure it out—so can she. The Spark doesn’t help with noticing things like this (In fact I’d say generally it makes it harder) and Zeetha has just as much royal training as both of them. It would make no sense if she didn’t figure it out but let the secret lie until he told her. The only reason would be to make Gil and Tarvek more special in the main characterness, I swear…

[snowstcrm]

I keep seeing posts trying to say how grrm has been a “misogynist all along” and I just don’t agree with that sentiment. There are definitely flaws in his writing and things that might have been more “girl power” in the 90s that seem sexist through a newer lens, but I still think his story overall has a narrative that supports its female leads.

There’s a big difference between writing a sexist story and having a story take place in a sexist environment. Yes, the world of asoiaf is extremely unfair towards the woman in it, but the narrative has never suggested that the misogynists in the story are right. Even in the show, misogynistic characters were the wrong or evil ones up until the very last season where the writers decided to reinforce the sexist society by proving Varys and Tyrion’s abhorrent conversation to be right. (”she needs to be tempered” “dicks are important”)

I can’t remember where the quote is from, but I remember grrm talking about how he wanted to write his female characters as flawed humans, effected by the environment they live in-- an environment that is terrible and suffocating towards women. The entire story is a piece on how terrible sexism in society is and how much it can hold back progress not only for women, but the society as a whole. The most sexist cultures on Planetos tend to be the least advanced.

As for our female characters, we get to see how different women navigate Westerosi society and how it’s betrayed them. Without fail, it is the root of each woman’s complex(es).

You get a woman like Cersei who internalized the misogyny and takes it out on other women. Beauty plays a big part in this too, not only because of the witch’s prophecy but because as youth fades from women, society begins to not value them as much. (”younger more beautiful to cast you down”, also “too old” to be valued for marriage)

You get a girl like Sansa who was raised to be a perfect lady in the eyes of her society, and for a long time this effected her ability to stand up for herself because “ladylike” behaviour is inherently demure. Her journey is that of a girl who can learn to be an empowered political player without having to discard her femininity and values.

You get a girl like Arya who never fit the mold and was always bullied for not conforming to her society’s standards. She claims she doesn’t want to be a lady because the only ladies she’s ever seen are feminine-performing pretty girls. She’s so so young and all on her own and will have to define what she is on her own. For a period of time she even thinks being “no one” is better than being Arya Stark of Winterfell. Her journey is one of a young girl learning to balance the feminine and the masculine and (hopefully) learning that it’s okay to be a girl. You don’t need to reject all things feminine.

You get a woman like Catelyn who many would consider the perfect lady. She performs well in her society. She’s a great mother and loves her husband dearly, but her biggest flaw is being cold and cruel to Jon since he was a baby. She was able to forgive her husband for his perceived infidelity because that’s what a good loyal wife should do, but that deep bitterness of being betrayed never left her and was turned onto innocent Jon instead.

You get women like Lysa who was constantly compared to her perfect and prettier sister, especially in the realm of love. No matter how much she loved Petyr, he would still love the perfect and prettier sister. When she got pregnant by him as a young girl, her father forced an abortion which nearly killed her and effected her fertility for the rest of her life. A lifetime of struggles caused her to develop a severe inferiority complex towards her sister and became emotionally unstable as time went by. Hers is the tragic mirror of Catelyn’s better life.

You get a woman like Brienne who never had a chance at conforming to the beauty standards of Westeros. She’s tall and ugly and spent a lifetime of being mocked by the men in her life. Growing up, these cruel jokes caused her to close in on herself and reject males completely due to her broken trust in them and lack of self-esteem as a woman. She couldn’t perform femininity, but she could perform masculinity and wanted to become a knight. Psychologically, she needed to find achievement somewhere and since she’d never be accepted as a lady she became the complete opposite. Her journey is that of a damaged woman who hid her heart behind a suit of armour, but will see that she can be loved by a man, even if she’s not a feminine-performing woman.

Lastly you get Daenerys, a girl forced into a marriage on the other side of the world. You see her miserable, suicidal, convincing herself to love her abuser to survive, and then once she starts getting her footing she loses it all. With her deep grief and blood magic, she rises from the ashes as Mother of Dragons. They are not only her children, but unmatched prizes that deify her to the people around her. Now that she has this power she’s not just a woman, but a goddess- maternal figure that now has to struggle with the fact that she’s not a human to most people anymore. She’s either a god, a goal, or a witch. There begins her long journey of learning to navigate the political world and keeping systems from collapsing at 16 years old. There is an incredible amount of responsibility placed on her and she keeps trying her best, even if she’s just “a young girl weary from war” that wants a peaceful home and a family. Her dreams are “feminine” but she sacrifices them in order to perform a “masculine” journey of a hero and leader. I hope her story, like Arya’s ends with the girls learning that it’s okay to have both.

Personally, I think grrm is writing a fascinating commentary on women and how society has failed them time and time again, and how we as women learn to make our own paths based on the circumstances life has given us. There are some women in his story that take the wrong path like Cersei and Lysa (both turned their hatred onto other women), but the majority are stories about young girls finding self-empowerment in an otherwise hateful and cruel environment and supporting the other women around them.

[orpheus-type-beat]

Percy Jackson part 1

Confession time: I was a gigantic Percy Jackson and the Olympians fan as a kid, so this book is very nostalgic to me. I haven’t reread the series in a long time though, especially not the first book, so it’s very interesting to read this stuff again as an adult. I was struck with a couple of observations. First, It’s a pretty good book, which is a relief. I can defend my 11-14 year old self’s tastes, this is mostly a solid kids fantasy novel. 

More relevantly, it’s very different in tone and in execution than Rick Riordan’s later books, especially his sequel series Heroes of Olympus. Those books bounce between different perspectives, and the whole thing is written in a close third person. Moreover, they are so caught up in the lore and the universe and the Percy Jackson formula that they, I feel, lost touch with something the original series had that made it feel special to me. Rereading the first book in the series, I think I have a better understand why.

Perspective

I’m a sucker for first person narration in novels, I’m realizing. Another one of my childhood favorites, the Animorphs series (shoutout to anyone who read those), was also written in this same sort of first person. Each book began with a very post-modern, “if you’re reading this it’s too late,” exposition machine that explained the premise of the series, who the important characters were, and set up the events of the book. The meta, post-modern framing device is never fully explained (why were the characters of the Animorphs, or Percy Jackson himself, writing any of this down?), but are used as a framing device to enhance suspension of disbelief, and to enable humor (through snarky asides).

This close first person, a sort of refined stream of consciousness that feels like a combination between a movie shot entirely in one characters’ POV and a letter written to a friend, is missing in the later Percy Jackson series, I think to its detriment. Not only does the first person narration makes sense in a Greek setting — it emphasises orality, putting this book in conversation with orally transmitted greek myths — it also enhances the series’ humor. A lot of the humor comes from Percy’s wisecracking during fightscenes, which gives the series an action-comedy feel. The comedic portrayal of many of the gods and supernatural beings adds to that, but much of the comedy comes from Percy’s reaction to events, not from the events themself. This enables the events to be able to be taken seriously while simultaneously being mocked and used for humorous purposes.

The first person perspective also differentiates this series, tonally and technically, from Harry Potter (which is a much more obvious influence in this first book: he goes to boarding school, has an abusive home life, and lives in the legacy of a mysterious parental figure). In many ways, this book reads like post-modern Harry Potter — the sense of wonder and fairy tale magic is replaced with humor and a system of magic that feels more logical and rule based. Stuff like the Mist, as an explanation for how the magic in the world remains hidden, and the fact that monsters explode into dust makes this an urban fantasy, akin to sci-fi as much as fantasy. Harry Potter, in contrast, is firmly rooted in fantasy.

The second Percy Jackson series moves to a close third person narration style, and while there are benefits to this (for example, there isn’t the need for the dream sequence exposition hack, and the series can accommodate diverse perspectives more directly) I think something tonally and structurally is lost. It loses the sense of orality, the primacy to the action and humor lent by a first person narrator with a “unbelievable true story” framing device. That blending of the border between fact and fiction is what myth accomplished in Greek times, and what the original Percy Jackson series accomplished for a lot of people, and surrendering that means surrendering something special.

Disability

I had forgotten what a big deal disability is in these books. The thread of all demigods being troubled kids with mental disabilities, specifically learning disabilities, is I think really interesting and radical. We still live in a world where mental illness is taboo, but some mental illness are less taboo than others. In particular, when people say “mental illness” they usually aren’t referring to all mental illness. Usually, they are referring to a subset of mental illnesses, issues like depression, various types of anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, etc. — mood, personality, or anxiety disorders. 

Of course, those illness are all still massively stigmatized, but all of those disorders tend to leave cleverness, speech, and some behavior intact. It’s easier to “pass,” in a sense, with those disorders, than it is with other mental illness. We can understand the troubled genius better than we can understand someone who is intellectually disabled. 

That’s what makes the learning disability angle so interesting. In theory, these demigods aren’t troubled geniuses, they’re normal, unexceptional kids (discounting the water bending and sword fighting) who can’t read or write well, can’t focus, and don’t always succeed in the classroom. They aren’t brilliant, but fragile minds. They’re just C, D, and F students, with gifts that are incompatible with our school system’s expectations about the pace of learning and what achievement looks like.

These are the kind of kids we don’t tend to recognize as valuable, and worthy of being written about and made heroes. And if I remember Riordan’s impetus for writing this series was his son’s own struggles with learning disability: dyslexia and ADHD. But in the Heroes of Olympus series, this disability angle is really de-emphasized, and I think to its detriment. It loses the “it gets better” message and inclusivity to people who, even in narratives about mental illness, often get left out. 

Myth Making

This brings me to the interesting ways this book is in conversation with Greek myth, and myth in general.

First of all, having all the demigods have dyslexia and ADHD is a clever inversion of the typical Greek hero’s childhood. Usually, Greek heroes were preternaturally gifted, succeeding in and out of school, and are immediately recognized as different and special. In this book, the heroes are recognized as different, but not as special, but as lesser than. This transform the Greek hero’s sense of inevitable destiny into an underdog story — one that works for modern audiences, the way a gifted noble’s path to glory worked for ancient ones. This reflects modern conceptions of democracy, and the mobility of class, that didn’t exist in ancient times (reminder that Athenian democracy was for rich, landowning men).

Second of all, there is a distinctly non-Christian concept of cycles at play in this book, and in this series. Threat to Zeus’ rule by Titans is thematically compatible with ancient Greek succession myths. And the bit about monsters turning into dust and then reforming eventually creates an overarching them of balance: the war between good and evil is eternal and constantly shifting. The best anyone can do is try to shift the balance, temporarily, in a positive direction. This makes all of the fun bits, like locating the modern Mount Olympus in New York City, having the gods adopt modern trends, work thematically as well as humorously. There an almost Eastern theme of yin and yang, which in all honesty is reflective of Eastern influence on the Greeks and Romans.

Thirdly, Rick Riordan has one mode, it’s just the Odyssey, and that’s fine. The road-trip rompy with constantly shifting objectives leading up to some climax that reveals itself to have been behind the scenes all along is a classic narrative structure that is very ancient Greek, and so works in a story so deeply in conversation with ancient Greek myths.

Conclusion

Finally, by way of conclusion, the thing that makes this first Percy Jackson book/series work, and interesting in conversation with fantasy, myth, and stories about heroes, is one of its central themes: the deification of humanity. The gods in this universe are static, comic figures. Humans are the ones that are able to change things — that’s why the gods love them, and keep making demigods all the time — and humans are the ones, in the series, that are capable of real good and real evil. 

(Semi spoiler alert) In the last book, it is the human capacity for love, sacrifice, and good that saves the day, and produces positive change in the world. The gods are powerful and eternal, but the real source of beauty in the world is humanity, in its capacity for change, rebirth, and renewal. Gods get bored, get cynical, get complacent. They decay, eternal and unmoving. In contrast, humans die and new ones are born, and to them the cyclic war between good and evil remains fresh. Humanity can continually change without movement or exhaustion, constantly relearning the same lessons and experiencing the same joys and sorrows afresh. Gods, locked in a cycle, go around once and are bored and numbed forever, while the human experience stays continually vital and alive.

That’s why this series, despite being so rooted in Greek myth and fantasy, feels so modern and sci-fi influenced (as a huge sci-fi fan, that’s probably why I like it so much), and why this story — despite its post-modern trappings — reaches for sincerity. Gods, in the Percy Jackson universe, can’t survive on their own. They are immortal, but they can grow tired. They can be broken by endless living, and fade away. The gods rely on people to break up the monotony, to remember them and keep them alive: humans are the source of life in this universe. 

(real spoiler alert). The series ends with Percy being offered godhood, immortality, which he rejects. That’s the thematic conclusion to the entire series, and its significant. Besides true love or whatever, the reason Percy rejects immortality is that he realizes that to live and die, taking part in the cycle, is more meaningful than eternal life. Becoming a god would mean forfeiting that meaning. This is a series about gods and monsters and nymphs, but the real magic in this world is humanity. 

Our magic is thus: unlike the gods, as time streams past, we remain untouched by eternity. And I’d argue, like this series does, that that’s real immortality.

[readingraebow]

Boardwalk Empire Section One

Chapters 1-6

1. Have you ever seen the TV Series, Boardwalk Empire? Have you ever been to Atlantic City? If not, what do you know about it? I have seen the show! I actually really, really love the show. Though I've only seen the first two seasons because my favorite character died and I'm still trying to ~recover from that before I continue. I do plan to continue though at some point. I'm just still upset. It's been over a year though since I finished season two so it might be about time to get going again. And, anyway, I haven't been to Atlantic City, unfortunately. I would like to go someday but the only place I've been on the east coast is Georgia. But someday I hope to either move to the east coast or at least travel there some more. But since watching BE and learning that Monopoly is based on Atlantic City, I'm actually super interested in it as a historical place and I would like to go there someday! And honestly I don't know a whole lot about it?? Just mainly what I've seen from the show and from that episode of How I Met Your Mother when they went to Atlantic City. And basically that it's the east coast Vegas. So other than that, not a lot?? I'm excited to learn more though!!

2. Who was Jonathan Pitney and what did he want that he couldn’t achieve on his current career path as a physician? How did he finally get the railroad to come to Atlantic City? Jonathan Pitney was a small town doctor but back before being a doctor was a profession through which you made a lot of money. So he did A LOT of work but for really poor people and mostly on the barter system and didn't even make enough to support himself. So he mostly lived off the kindness of his mother-in-law. So eventually he decided that he wanted to ~make his mark on the world. So he tried politics but that didn't really go all that well?? So instead he set his sights on Absecon Island which was an island that was barely inhabited??? This guy had used it literally as farmland and he'd had ten kids and owned basically the whole island and so with all of his kids they'd run it as this giANT farm and as a result he was really rich??? Well he's since died and his heirs didn't want to be farmers so they were willing to sell it. So Pitney's dream was to buy the island and build a resort for the rich and to sell it as a ~seaside health resort. Well the problem was that the island wasn't easy to get to?? So Pitney realized that if he could get the railroad to go through there, he could find financial backers and make his dream a reality. So he petitioned for years to bring the railroad to the island but no one was really interested? Eventually he realized he was approaching this wrong and, instead, if he could get some of the rich people from Southern Jersey interested then he could possibly have some influence to get the railroad through and also have some backers. So when he got Samuel Richards interested, that's when everything started actually going his way. Richards was rich and wanted the railroad to come his way anyway because it would help his business and make him richer. He didn't really buy into Pitney's dream but he is the one who helped find backers and put up a lot of his own money and got the railroad through there, finally starting the process to turn Absecon Island into Atlantic City.

3. Why was the boardwalk built? It was originally built to stop sand from being tracked into businesses/hotels. There was so much sand that it would end up EVERYWHERE and it was ruining carpets and furniture and things. So the original boardwalk was built but, hilariously enough, it wasn't permanent. It was only for summer and the boards would be removed during the winter and then replaced when summer arrived again. But, eventually, they saw the potential in the boardwalk and started building shops along it and then built a permanent boardwalk and that ended up being one of the selling points that brought in tourists. People would come from all over just to walk on the boardwalk. It was the first one like it in the world.

4. What opportunities did Atlantic City offer Blacks? Despite this, what were some of the numerous inequalities that they still faced living there? Blacks working in Atlantic City could make more money than anywhere they worked in the South and they could work "normal" hours. When the Civil War ended, it completely ruined the economy in the South and Blacks who remained there could basically only get jobs as domestic help (which was literally a step above slavery; they worked long hours, sometimes as much as 12 hours per day, and had few, if any, days off) or a sharecropper (which was basically like being a slave to the land since they were responsible for doing all the work, as they did when they were a slave, but all their money was tied up in the home they received on the land). So, if they wanted to make money, they would go north. Eventually, Atlantic City was such a draw for Blacks that it had the largest black population in the North. Working in the resorts, there were any number of jobs for Blacks, all of which paid pretty well. Working in hotels also meant that they weren't forced into long hours as they would if they were domestic help. However, even though they were afforded much better wages, White and Black was still seen as very different. It was almost like the Whites wanted the Blacks to show up and work and then just not exist after the workday ended. The Blacks ended up taking over the North of Atlantic City and most were still too poor to even afford their own houses. Therefore, housing was super crowded. And even though most of them worked on the Boardwalk, the Whites didn't like them venture there during the "off hours" and visiting the Boardwalk as consumers. Thus, the North of Atlantic City became like a city of its own with the Blacks meeting their own needs with new businesses opening to serve only Blacks. So even though Blacks were making way more money in Atlantic City than they would've anywhere else, segregation was starting with a bang.

5. What did the Bulletin try to put an end to in Atlantic City? Why didn’t their efforts work? The Bulletin tried to put an end to prostitution in Atlantic City but publishing a lot of articles "exposing" the brothels. Except, the Bulletin was a Philadelphia paper and most of the business in Atlantic City came from Philadelphia. At that time, Philadelphia was dominated by Quakers and a few other religious organizations. That meant that it was a very religious city and, basically, there was nowhere to go for a good time. Insert Atlantic City. It was only 60 miles from Philadelphia and since the Industrial Revolution really boomed in Philadelphia, the factory workers would spend six long days working and then on Sunday, instead of going to church, they'd hop on a train and go to Atlantic City. And they were looking to wind down and have a good time. Thus, the brothels wouldn't close just because a newspaper article when they were making more money off the Philadelphia factory workers than they knew what to do with. Bars were also supposed to be closed on Sunday but, in Atlantic City, their main purpose was to show patrons a good time, despite the laws. So most people just started ignoring the newspaper articles until, eventually, the paper stopped wasting their time writing them.

6. Who was Mabel and what happened to her? Mabel was Nucky's high school sweetheart and eventual wife. However, one year she ended up with a cough she couldn't shake and was diagnosed with tuberculosis. Nucky ended up taking her to a sanitarium in Colorado and intended to stay with her until she was well again. However, three weeks later Nucky returned to Atlantic City on the train, seated next to her coffin. Losing Mabel changed Nucky and he was never quite the same after her death.

7. Who screened every single applicant who applied to work in either Atlantic City or County? What were your duties to him if you were hired? Nucky personally screened every single applicant in Atlantic City or County. Sometimes, applicants would be told that they already had the job, they just had to meet with Nucky before they started. At this meeting, Nucky would usually just talk with them and ask them to pledge their loyalty to both him and the Republican Party. That was the main requirement to work in Atlantic City, especially if you were in law enforcement. Then, once hired, they were required to pay kickbacks which meant paying from one to seven percent of their salary, depending on how much they earned, to the Republican Party. They would also have an assigned number of voters they had to make sure turned out on election day. Some of them were dead, others were from out of town. But the city employee had to make sure they voted, even if it meant doing it themselves in different districts.

8. What contributed to Atlantic City’s financial struggles of the early 1930s? The Great Depression basically killed the Atlantic City economy. So when the Great Depression hit, the first thing to go was vacations so that meant that tourism was gone. But then Prohibition was repealed and that was the nail in the coffin. Because even when the Great Depression started, Atlantic City could still rely on the sale of alcohol. But when that stopped, they didn't even have the day trippers to rely on and their economy totally sunk. Ten of the fourteen banks closed. And most of the well established businesses couldn't keep afloat. The hotels were constantly in the red. And there was no relief in sight. Especially when the FBI came to town and started indicting everyone who'd prospered in the 20's.

  Section One Reading Journal

So. I read 30 pages of this book almost three years ago. And since I’m actual trash it took me this long to ~finally get back to this book. But. Here I am. Ready to finish the thing.

Anyway, it’s not that I don’t like this book because the information is honestly really, really interesting. It’s just that it’s not presented in the most interesting fashion. I honestly fell asleep twice just trying to make it through this section. Because it reads like a textbook???

But the story itself is really interesting. Atlantic City and its entire history fascinates me. And it’s really interesting to see what the show stuck with and what the show decided to change. I just wish it weren’t quite so... dry.

So. That being said, it was a bit of a struggle to get through this section. Though it didn’t take me three years. I read the 30 pages on vacation then moved and then I just now read the other 90 or so. It just took me a while to get back to it.

But I’ll definitely be finishing this here soon. Because I’m really curious about where it’s going from here?? It seems like it has already covered the run of the show. So we’re in uncharted territory from what I know of this story.

So. Can’t wait to continue and learn more about Atlantic City! #fascinated

[metalgearkong]

Spider-Man - Review (PS4)

10/17/18

Developed by Insomniac Games

Spider-Man has always been my favorite super hero, but good Spider-Man  games are far and few between. My two favorites are the linear adventure game from 2000, which nails the characters and story, but the other widely regarded favorite is Spider-Man 2 from 2004, which introduced realistic web swinging. Somehow, this new Spider-Man game manages to outdo both qualities, and tie it into one epic product. Insomniac Games is an extremely experienced studio, developing games such as Spyro the Dragon, Ratchet & Clank, and Resistance. Not only is Spider-Man the best Insomniac game to date, its one of the best exclusives for the PS4, and is the best incarnation of Spider-Man I’ve ever seen in any medium.

This is a brand new story of Peter Parker and his world, not tying into any other games, films, or comics. Things pick up 8 years after Peter has become the wall crawler, and has lots of experience fighting bad guys and putting super villains behind bars. While he may have tangled with some big names from his lore already, many more villains and side characters have not been mentioned, leaving tons of possibilities open for sequels. Spider-Man also dwells on Peter’s brilliant scientific mind, as he is able to keep pace with Dr. Otto Octavious, and several mini-games can be played conducting research, identifying chemicals, and reprogramming hardware. 

Peter and Otto are designing advanced prosthetics that could change the world, but the two scientists are struggling when the city pulls its grant from their lab. The mayor in this story happens to be Norman Osborn, and a brewing conflict between Otto and Norman fuel much of the story, especially near the end. It’s in Otto’s lab where we conduct most of the scientific mini games, mainly being optional, but can unlock currency to upgrade Peter’s suit and gadgets. Peter also helps out with F.E.A.S.T., an emergency shelter where Aunt May works, and is lead by Martin Li, a man with a secret agenda of his own. The game opens with an exciting tutorial, whereupon Spider-Man is finally taking down a long time rival, The Kingpin, giving us perspective on how far Peter has already come.

One of the main things that took me off guard about this game were how well the cut scenes and characters are done. Not only are the graphics detailed, and motion capture was used for most of the acting, but the care and nuance each character is given in their personality and dialog was constantly impressive. Many of the characters were designed in-game to look like their voice acting counterpart, and many people have genuine chemistry between each other. Mary Jane in particular got a major change, in that she is a persistent investigative journalist instead of a fashion model, and has the capability to help out Peter in many of his outings. No character off the top of my head has any glaring weakness, other than maybe a few by the end of the game not having as much closure or explanation as I may have wanted.

A Chinese gang known as the Demons is slowly terrorizing the city, and act as one of the main entities Spider-Man must go up against. Surprisingly, after the big Wilson Fisk fight, the game feels devoid of super villain entanglements, yet makes up for this in spades with the last portion of the game. It would have been a little nicer to have more than one villain to fight other than The Shocker for the first half of the game, but it’s a small imbalance that doesn’t affect the overall quality or pacing much. Many encounters with squads of goons can be tackled stealthily at first, but usually end up in a big controlled chaos fight. The combat is ripped straight from the Batman: Arkham games, but in this current generation of gaming, this system is pretty much ubiquitous for action/open-world formats. While Spider-Man loses points for originality, it makes up for it in spades with incredible depth the combat system offers. I’ve always thought the “press a button to react” combat was more of a fit for Spider-Man anyway, and I’m glad I finally get to see it in a good Spidey game.

Everything we do earns experience points, and when we reach enough, can use skill points to upgrade gadgets, webbing, and suit powers. Largely, I didn’t take advantage of the depth of the upgrades and unlockables because I found the core gameplay fun and entertaining from the very start. As I write this, I am on my second run at the game (attempting to achieve 100% completion) and just now am experimenting with fighting styles I never used the first time. It speaks to this game’s detail, something you may not think it has at first, especially being a licensed game. However, one of my objective problems with the game is I found the stealth mechanics highly inconsistent. The game tells you when we can safely web up an enemy without anyone else noticing, but much of the time when I would push the button for a clean stealth take-down, it would alert the guards around my victim, launching into all-out brawls.

A great detail that Insomniac knew to include was the ability to earn multiple Spider-Man costumes that can be switched instantly at any time. Many of these costumes I recognized from comics and past games, but it also offers modern outfits, such as three suits from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and original suits all together. Each suit comes with a new power that helps combat and gameplay. The best detail is, once the suit is unlocked, we can use whichever power on whichever suit. This lets you pick both your favorite gameplay buff, as well as look exactly how you want Spidey to look during the game. I also love how the costume translates into every single cut scene, further immersing you into the story in your own little way. 

Aside from the main narrative, tons of side missions can be played, but also with varying quality. Most of the citizens who offer quests have stories worth experiencing, and that play into the character of this version of Manhattan. Other quests can be glorified collectathons or challenges, which luckily are optional to complete. Even still, they usually offer further insight into Peter’s personality, intellect, or into the personality of other characters involved. Easily the best part about the gameplay is the web swinging. Traversing Manhattan is delectable, and an absolute blast. Peter has tons of natural looking animations that make him look graceful and realistic. Having to attach webbing to actual surfaces gives locomotion dramatic weight, and lots of fun payoff. Peter can also web zip forward, maintaining horizontal speed, given that there is an object in the near distance in front of him.

What also helps immensely is the smooth 60 frames per second that the game runs on. Every web swing feels and looks graceful, and even into my second time completing the game, was discovering new tricks to keep momentum going forward, things that the game lets you discover for yourself. For the first time in any open-world game, a blip on my map over 3,000 meters away, rarely felt like a hassle. I looked forward to going from one place to the next almost every single time. The game offers a quick travel mechanic, but I honestly believe it isn’t necessary in a game where going from one place to another is so consistently thrilling. This is a big aspect of the game I’m sure Insomniac knew they had to nail, and they passed with flying colors.

Spider-Man (or is it “Marvel’s Spider-Man”?) is a brilliant representation of the wall crawler, and is an extremely fun open-world game. Everything from the graphics, to the combat, to the web swinging, to the music is all done excellently, and is easily worth its $60 price tag. While I’m not a huge fan of every type of side quest or mini game, the core of the game’s narrative and heart makes any small imperfection look that much smaller. The poorer qualities of the game are only seen as worse because they’re surrounded by so much greatness. This has become the quintessential version of Spider-Man and something I will compare every future incarnation to. I was so pleased and so impressed around every corner, I still can’t believe this game turned out as well as it did. Absolutely worth plaything through to see the story to its end, and purely for the fun of every minute of the experience.

9.5/10