#abusive remus sanders

[blackoutbugza]

quick! show me your design for one of the sides as kids!

i’ll go first :)

[clearheartspurpleflowers]

‼️ Please read ‼️

If you are active in fandom spaces— Especially Sander Sides or Hazbin Hotel, I encourage you to read this thread for your own safety!!

There is a user you may know as they have been called out before, that goes by the name Roman Calvary System, Calvary or Roman Calvary, they were previously known as The Trojan Horse Collective or The Trojan Horse System but has since separated that identity from themselves as a Sub-System although I doubt the validity of that claim because they have previously admitted It was simply to seperate themselves from their past.

Calvarys previous partner, Atlas, somebody who also came forward about Calvary and their repeated abuse, has also been allegedly exposed for inappropriate and gross behaviours regarding children and also saying the n word as a white person. While I cannot speak much on the situation regarding Atlas due to my lack of knowledge, I can bring forward evidence I have seen regarding the claims.

However, this post will probably focus more on Calvary as I have been involved with the drama regarding them personally and I know more about it.

Calvary has already got themselves a reputation amongst the Sander Sides community for various abusive and disgusting behaviours- Just some of them being inappropriate exchanges with children (As young as fourteen) Telling people to kill themselves, wishing death upon peoples mother, being racist/racially insensitive. I wish that was the end of the list but It sadly is not. Calvary has also been condemned by Thomas himself personally which there is evidence of in a seperate call out post that I will be linking below, along with all the other evidence of their behaviour.

Something I would like to close down before it gets brought up as an excuse is the infamous ‘I’ve changed’ tactic. Calvary recently made a post on their X (formerly known as Twitter) claiming that they have changed as a person and the drama is from when they were fifteen and they have since bettered their behaviour- This is not true. Calvary has not changed and has not bettered themselves at all and the drama is not just old things from when they were fifteen. These incidents are recent and from this year.

One of these instances being Calvary (Or one of their alters, Remus- An alter you will probably see a lot of here as he is the main perpetrator of most inappropriate exchanges regarding children) attempting to SRP with a literal fourteen year old- Instead of doing the logical thing and refusing to SRP with a minor, they pulled the typical ‘If you’re okay with it’ card, and I mean, sure- Maybe an uninformed minor would be okay with it but why are YOU okay with it as the older person? ‘As long as you’re okay with it’ Why are YOU? That is very creepy and gross behaviour and any decent person would have refused to SRP with a minor, people under the AOC.. cannot consent.. It is your responsibility as the older person to have known better and said no. You should not try to SRP with minors and you shouldn’t be okay with it either.

Another instance regarding their Remus would be an instance where another one of their alters blatantly admitted that Remus finds it funny to make inappropriate comments about people and even FUNNIER when it’s a minor- You know what that makes Remus? A predator, finding it funny to walk all over peoples boundaries and even more so when It is a child is absolutely horrific and taking pleasure in making children uncomfortable is not only disgusting but also blatantly predatory.

Remus has also been harassing, threatening, and finding out personal information about a minor because they came forward about Atlas dating them when they were *eleven* and Atlas was fourteen, I am sure we can all agree that that is not okay and that the age gap is obviously a problem, minors can very well hurt other minors and be in appropriate towards other minors, Atlas should not have gotten into a relationship with an eleven year old at fourteen years old, children are capable of taking advantage of other children, I’m not sure if that was the case here but regardless, you should not date an eleven year old at the age of fourteen. You also shouldn’t call black people the n word. You also shouldn’t say sexual things to minors.

I will be attaching screenshots of these instances below and potentially reblogging with more to the story because there is a LOT! If you see these users, please be cautious of them, especially if you are a minor!

[ts-sides-head-canon]

Another thought came into my head, so prepare for angst. For this to make more sense, human AU, though with some tweaks it could apply to cannon.

Remus, much like his brother, is actually a romantic. There's a few things stopping him, though. Not the least of which being that he's terrified.

Roman has been in so many relationships. His heart has been given out to so many, and it always gets returned in ripped pieces. Every lover has cheated or used him. Some even hit him. Remus and Janus would always say they're not good, but when Roman's in love, he sees all becomes red-green colorblind with those stupid flags. He'll never admit they're bad for him until the moment his heart shatters.

Remus sees that and is terrified by the thought of falling in love. He's normally not tolerated anyway, so he's terrified for the moment the love leaves their eyes. He's impulsive and stubborn as his brother, so he's terrified of when he'll be so desperate to be with someone that he'll ignore the red flags. His mind can conjure up the worst in humanity, he's incredible at seeing people's flaws, so he's terrified for the moment he sees someone as perfect.

Remus is a romantic. He's desperate for love, to know what it's like, and yet the thought of falling terrifies him.

Oof, right in the feels

[starlocked01]

Twisted Tongues Around Our Souls

AO3 Link

Summary: Virgil isn't your average high school student. He's frankly below average: below average grades, below average number of friends, below average complexion, and below average number of parents. Life has always felt like walking on a razor thin wire. And one day that razor snapped and nothing was there to catch him. Until he summoned his own personal demons. Surely they aren't too much for him to handle…

Characters: Virgil, Patton, Logan, Roman, Remus, Janus, OCs Relationships: Platonic LAMP, Ambiguous Dark Sides Content Warnings: Blood, Intrusive Violent Thoughts, Suicidal Thoughts, Animal Abuse, Minor Character Death, Animal Death, Religious imagery, Demonic Summoning, Bullying, Swearing,

My second story for the @xts-reverse-bangx Reverse Bang! Inspired by the ever haunting work of @lickoutyourbrains Go check it out!!

[lefaystrent]

Friendly Neighborhood Criminals Part 2

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: platonic Patton/Dark Sides

Summary: Patton spent most of his life praying. This is the first time anyone's answered.

In other words, the friendly neighborhood criminals are there to save the day once again.

Ao3 Link: click here

Part 1

A/N Notes: This part is entirely inspired by a comment left by DnDeceit (Hazgarn) from Ao3. Thank you for the awesome idea and hope you enjoy! If anyone else has ideas for this AU, hit me up and I may write them!

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Patton sits at the bus stop waiting for a bus that is over forty minutes late.

Miraculously, he has not run into this scenario since he moved to the city. The busses have been fairly reliable until now. They're his main mode of transportation to get to and from work. It would take a couple hours to walk otherwise. While manageable, the problem is that...

It's pitch black outside.

Patton hugs himself on the rickety bench and tries not to peer too closely into any shadowed corners. He typically doesn't take the late shift for this reason; he hates the dark. Whenever his mom got mad at him or just didn't want to look at his face, she would lock him in a closet without light. She'd tell him to pray about what he had done, to ask for forgiveness. Patton never knew what he had done in those instances, but he prayed hard and apologized for hours and told God he would be better so he didn't bother his parents so much.

The night reminds him too much of that tight space, and buying a night light for the apartment is one of the few luxuries he afforded himself.

Thankfully, a streetlight buzzed above him. Things could be much worse! His manager even apologized to him for asking him to come in on his off day! If Patton hadn't, he would have left Joan to close the store all by themself, and that would have been rough. Besides, Patton can use the extra hours! And working with Joan is always fun. They made Patton laugh and sometimes bought him snacks! And when they had locked up and walked into the parking lot earlier, they had offered to give him a ride.

Patton refused, of course! That had been far too generous, and Patton didn't want to make Joan drive him around when they were clearly tired. Patton could catch the last bus and things would be okay.

But things are not so okay, and there are no more busses scheduled until morning. If Patton left now, he would have to make the trek home. In the dark.

Just thinking about it has his throat seizing up.

Patton wishes he could be like normal people and call his family up in this situation. That his dad could give him a ride, or that he had a sibling who would speed over in a heartbeat. Or even friends.

He does have friends though! Well, one friend mostly. Her name is Valerie and they went to high school together. She moved out of Florida after graduation, so they never really see each other in person anymore. But she's always a text away and she's been so supportive of Patton moving out and cutting off his folks and–

And Patton wishes she could be here, but she's not.

Patton sits on the bench as if waiting for something to magically happen. He groans to himself and pulls out his phone. It's refurbished and a way older model, but it gets the job done just fine. Maybe he can distract himself for a bit and text her. She's probably asleep by now, but he can send her a joke or a meme–

There are new contacts in his phone that were not there before.

Patton rechecks his phone several times because surely this is an error. But no, there are three new contacts where before there had only been his best friend, store manager, and landlord.

Janus

Thing 1

Thing 2

Beyond baffled, Patton racks his brain for when the contacts could have possibly been added. It wasn't him of course, so one of his new...acquaintances must have done it. Ever since they brought him furniture and groceries, they have visited Patton again a total of twice. Each time, they brought him things from shampoo to a microwave. And then they would shove take out into his arms and order him to eat it.

It's...the most aggressive kindness Patton has ever been subjected to. And quite frankly, he doesn't know how to respond to it other than submit. Remus told him it's easier that way anyway.

Patton doesn't know what to make of the well-to-do criminals. And they are criminals, there's no doubt about it. They don't try to censor themselves around Patton. Last time, Patton listened reservedly while Remus recounted a story of lighting a dumpster on fire in order to distract some cops on their tail.

And they laughed and it wasn't at Patton. Virgil would tell Remus off when he overwhelmed Patton with gross details, and Janus– good grief could he write a novel about that man. Well, about all three of then really, but Janus had been the most aggressively kind. Patton can hardly say two words to the man because he can't figure out if he's mad at Patton, the world, or just in general. And he'd do it all while calling Patton pet names, and Virgil would grin and say, "I'm so glad someone else is getting the Janus treatment."

They aren't bad people, not really.

But can Patton call them like this? What would he say? Worse, how on earth could he ask for more of them?

Then maybe just to talk? Not Janus, the man intimidates him too much. But which one is Thing 1 and 2? Was it Janus who snuck the contacts into his phone? Surely it incriminates him if he is the only one with a proper name.

Just then, the light above him flickers and goes out, bathing him in blindness.

Patton does not panic.

He skyrockets straight to losing his mind.

The phone light is not enough to stop his hyperventilating. He stands up, ready to flee, but to where? Into the same darkness enveloping him now? There are distant lights further up the street, more store outlets, but they are fuzzy and far away and Patton's legs quake where he stands. Tears sting his eyes, and his chest squeezes tight enough to make his shoulders hunch inward.

He can't do it, he's weak.

Fumbling, he pulls up the phone and presses one of the Thing contacts. He doesn't know which one, doesn't care. What he cares about is someone saving him right now. Please open the door, he wants out, please–

"City morgue, you kill 'em, we chill 'em," a nasally voice chatters in his ear. Patton doesn't even remember hearing the phone ring or pressing the dial button.

"Remus?!" Patton says, stricken.

Remus catches onto his tone immediately. From the handful of times he has been around the man, he had only ever presented himself with a dramatic, unhinged flair. He grinned without abandon, and he honestly made Patton giggle a time or two.

Now, the gravelly tone of a dangerous man takes over. "Pat?"

"Remus," Patton pleads. He doesn't know exactly what he's begging for. He just wants to be okay now. He wants it to stop.

"Where are you, Pat?"

"B-bus stop, corner of Cherry Ridge Avenue and– and– by, I don't know, I'm by the– the State Farm office? I think. I think–"

"That's okay, Pattycake, you stay right there. I'll find you, I'm coming."

Patton keens and nods his head, though Remus can't see him. He stays on the phone with Patton too, cursing occasionally at something on the other side and rushing to ease Patton with gentle assurances whenever he whimpers into the phone too loudly.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Remus tells him, and Patton believes him.

By the time a revving motor breaks the night, Patton has curled up against the side of the bus stop awning in a poor attempt to make himself as small as possible. He flinches when a singular headlamp spills over him, and he momentarily freaks out upon recognizing that someone is driving a motorcycle straight at him. But Remus's voice is in his ear, yelling over the roaring that it's him, that he sees him.

He's here.

Remus drives the bike right onto the sidewalk and doesn't bother pushing down the kickstand. He lets the bike list sideways to the ground as he scrambles off, one hand barely hanging onto his phone in his rush.

Seeing him is the biggest relief Patton's ever experienced. More than the day he signed the apartment lease. Because someone finally answered his prayers to save him.

Patton finds the strength to stand and barrels into Remus's chest. He meets him halfway, using the momentum to spin them and he clutches Patton against the front of his leather jacket.

"Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you? I'll fucking kill them!" Remus snarls.

Patton answers the only way he can, by breaking down into sobs. Remus can't get any details after that. He runs his hands up and down Patton's back and arms looking for injuries. When he doesn't find any, he just keeps on rubbing his back to soothe him.

"I got you, I got you. I'm not going anywhere, Pattycake."

It's rough. It's exhausting. It's tears and snot and frightened little hiccups.

It's everything to Patton that Remus holds him throughout.

When Patton is calm enough that he's only sniffling now, Remus pulls back and takes his face in his hands. Remus's hands are calloused and blisteringly warm. They contrast with the cool metal of the rings he wears.

"Want me to take you home?"

Patton can't speak, but he gives a tiny whine and nods his head, bleary-eyed and spent.

The ride back to his apartment is a blur. Remus pushes his only helmet over Patton's head and warns him multiple times not to let go of him. The leather of his jacket is a security blanket, and Patton does his best to snuggle into it. He's never rode on a motorcycle before, and he's doesn't know if it's a good or bad thing that he's not aware enough to process it. It's fast and loud, and the wind whips around them constantly. He barely keeps his eyes open and trusts Remus will get them home safe.

They pull up to his apartment quicker than he thinks possible. Remus slides off first, keeping hold of Patton's hands as he turns around in his arms. He tugs the helmet off, careful not to jostle him too badly.

"Gotta say, Pattycake, helmet hair's a good look on you." Remus is trying to make him laugh. Patton doesn't have the energy to make his facial muscles move or thank him for his kindness. The most he can do is make grabby hands at Remus.

"Oh, puffball..." Remus's expression softens. He bends down and sweeps Patton into his arms and full-on carries him to the door bridal-style. Patton knows that Remus is tall and strong, but distantly he's impressed with how easily he's lifted.

Remus nudges him and patiently waits for him to dig out his key and unlock the front door. Once inside, Remus doesn't stop in the living room. He strides to the bedroom and deposits his cargo on the mattress.

"Okay, Pat-tay. It's beddy-bye time." Remus crouches below him and tugs Patton's shoes off his feet one by one. Patton watches him silently in the glow of his nightlight plugged into the wall. After the shoes are off, he reaches up to pull Patton's glasses off. Strangely, he notes that Remus's hands are shaking. Just a little bit.

Remus covers it up with a smile and waggle of brows. "Clothes on or off?"

In response, Patton flops back on the bed. Remus chuckles and situates him more appropriately, manhandling him until he's under the sheets.

"You're gonna be okay, I swear," Remus tells him, fingers brushing the hair from his forehead. Patton sinks into the mattress, closes his eyes and drifts.

A ringing pulls him to the surface. Remus answers his phone and Patton is too content to open his eyes.

"Yeah?....Because I'm with Patton.... Because he called me.... No I will not tell you all the juicy details of our midnight tryst, what kind of gossip do you think I am?"

Patton wonders who he's talking to. Someone who knows Patton, one of the others?

"He's had a bad night," Remus says and Patton tunes back in. He missed some exchanges and Remus's tone has taken on a somber edge. "I've got him home. I'm gonna hang out with him for a while... Janny can suck it, he'd be worse than I am.... I don't know, but it was bad enough he called me. Not that I'm not an absolute gift, right?.... well you didn't have to answer that. Okay, Emotional Baggage, I'm hanging up now. Don't wait up for me."

The return to quiet pushes Patton farther under. His muscles grow lax, and Remus is doing that thing with his fingers in his hair again. Patton reaches out and pulls himself a little closer. He thinks he's holding onto a jacket sleeve. He tries to wrap himself around it.

He thinks he feels the tickle of breath at his ear, a hushed voice, "I have a feeling you're going to be the death of me. And I'm gonna like it."

Patton falls asleep.

The next morning, there's a box of donuts sitting in the middle of his bedroom floor. A notification on his phone shows he has a text.

Call me anytime ;)

–R

[wolfprincesszola]

Echoes of 50 Masterlist

Hello everyone! This is a work that's been in the making for a little over 5 months now! I really hope you guys enjoy this, as it is only one of the amazing fics of this year's Big Bang Event hosted at @tss-storytime! As with every big bang event, there's always an artist and I'm so lucky to have worked with @thebestworstidea. The art she did for my story is absolutely phenomenal, so go check her out! ------------ Summary: Logan Sanders had spent his entire life hearing thoughts from everyone around him: strangers, family, friends, and more. He had learned more about people than he ever wanted to hear, but it became very useful when it came to gaining useful information.

His one goal in life? Find out what the government filled to the brim with powerless people has in store for him and the rest of the population with powers and stop it from happening.

Which was why it was even weirder when he had run into the prettiest man he had ever seen who just so happened to have the answers he might have been searching for. Unfortunately for him and for some frustratingly unknown reason, Patton Morris was immune to his telepathy.

The worst part? This cute guy seemed to be completely opposed against the government just as much as he was. Now it was up to him to decide if Patton was telling the truth and if Logan was to trust him in his crazy plans to try and overthrow the government. ------------

Characters: Logan, Patton, Roman, Remus, Janus, Virgil, Thomas, Emilie, Remy, Unsympathetic!Joan, Unsympathetic!Talyn, Unsympathetic!Orange Side, Unsympathetic!Friends_of_Thomas

Pairings: Logan/Patton (Logicality), Background Roman/Virgil (Prinxiety), Background Remus/Janus (Dukeceit), Hidden Remy/Emilie (Remilie)

Word Count: 55,210

Trigger Warnings: Major Character Death, Medical Trauma, Experimentation, Panic Attacks, Emotional Trauma, Abuse, Manipulation, Neglect

Content Warnings: Food, Swearing, Fighting

Art by @thebestworstidea

Read it at archiveofourown (click the underlined)!

<Prologue>

<Chapter 1>

<Chapter 2>

<Chapter 3>

<Chapter 4>

<Chapter 5>

<Chapter 6>

<Chapter 7>

<Chapter 8>

<Chapter 9>

<Chapter 10>

<Chapter 11>

<Chapter 12>

<Epilogue>

[author-chan06]

Remrom story idea:

Roman and Remus’ parents are the worst, but they both react differently to it. Remus thinks about how little his brother laughs now because their parents constantly told them that their laughs were too loud. Roman thinks about how much he wishes he could laugh happily like Remus still can. And they eventually talk about this and comfort each other (and kiss :3)

[pheonix-inside]

your au IS epic what’s up with Payton’s home life? and what are the rest of the group’s powers?

I am so glad you asked!!!

So to answer the first question, Patton is the oldest son of the Sanders family - the richest family in Palace city. They have a lot of power, and a lot of prestige. He has four younger siblings: Thomas, Harley (shorts Heart), Missy (misleading compliments) and Polly (pranks). Thomas is 13, Harley is 9, and Missy and Polly are twins, 5 years old.

Patton basically raised his siblings himself. They had a nanny, but now Missy and Polly are entering kindergarten, so it's back to just Patton alone, the she wasn't much help anyway, more making sure the kids had basic needs met and weren't horribly depressed. And his parents are anything but pleasant.

Patton doesn't talk much about it, but the group knows his father has a temper and his mother has a drinking problem, and both have an obsession with perfection. They know that his father ran for mayor a few years back, and after losing to Anton Lyre (another important character👀), he became like ten times worse.

They know that Patton is very good at subtle makeup, and that after he joins Roman and Logan's lil' vigilante team, he's incredibly good at first-aid, even better than Logan, whose parents are heroes and have taught him all sorts of medical stuff.

Patton is also the only one who doesn't press when Virgil gets cagey about family stuff. Logan has a few theories as to why, but he's hesitant to share them with Roman or ask Patton about them, afraid of overstepping.

As for powers, here's the list

Remus has the same powers as Roman, which are sort of conjuring objects at will (albeit impermanently), inspired by the fic Another Goddamn Hero Story. His are, admittedly, a little stronger, but also harder for him to control than Roman's.

Logan has very weak telekinesis, he can't lift anything heavier than a small animal, and is definitely not insecure about it. He could probably push harder if he had to, adrenaline can make people lift cars so who knows, but he can't do much no matter how hard he tries.

Patton, as far as they know, doesn't have powers. It's pretty common for people not to. Powers are genetic, and on the rarer side, but rare like green eyes or red hair are rare, not insanely rare. They like to joke that Patton's superpower is how sweet he is, and he just laughs it off. None of his siblings have powers, and he thanks his lucky stars he didn't have to deal with superpowered kids.

Janus' powers are my favorite - he can mimic others' powers. He also can shapeshift, but only between specific reptilian forms and a more human form, but he gained the trait artificially, and not exactly willingly. (👀)

Virgil can create storms - clouds, lightning, rain, the whole shebang. He can even make himself fly with clouds and wind in the right direction. He has a nasty habit of getting a bit zappy when he's scared, but it's fine. Not like he's hurt anybody before :)

[crip-writing-shit]

More essay

did you really think I would only over analyze and project onto Doctor who? If so you have been sorely mistaken. Behold my latest creation! Roman Sanders is a surprising good representation of a sibling abuse survivor! Like to ao3 chapter here or continue reading here

head up for non specific talk of child abuse and neglect

I will be trying to write this drawing from cannon only however I have been in the Sander Sides fandom for quite some time and so not all of my characterization will be completely accurate, I am aware that Remus and Roman did not have conventional childhoods with parents as they are only metaphysical but due to the nature of humans dysfunctional sibling relationships occur within a greater family and society with all that said and done let’s get into the meat of it.

A “glass child” is a term used for a sibling of someone with higher needs than themselves and thus the glass child receives very little of the caregivers attention leading to them feeling see through like glass. Glass children most often have medically complex siblings but in cases where a child’s behavior is so dangerous or undesirable that preventing it or limiting damage takes allot of focus and effort from the adults around them the sibling will often end up being neglected, in some cases the glass child will have to assist in caring for their sibling. Roman is very clearly desperate for attention from the other sides, he wants to be praised and looked at and admired. His ego is very fragile perhaps do to his being put aside in order to deal with Remus. When guardians are trying to protect the glass child they may end up keeping things from them because “they are too young to know” or leaving them out of the conversation. We see this in Roman in the beginning of “Dark Side Of Creativity” desperately asking his fellow sides to tell him what is happening and then refusing, he is then knocked out and unconscious for the entire discussion including its resolution, and at least on screen no one thinks to clue him in as to what all happened with his brother.

Sibling abuse is often dismissed and a rivalry or spat but when one sibling has more power over the other out of age, strength or, fear it is known as abuse. Sibling abuse like any other abuse can be Mental, physical, emotional or, sexual in nature and because society doesn’t recognize most cases of sibling abuse the protections in place for abused children let victims of sibling abuse fall through the cracks. Many of sibling abuse cases are what’s called “out of parental control cases” meaning that the parent is not the abuser and cannot stop the abuse easily. These cases are a conundrum because most often putting one or both siblings into foster care would only traumatize them more and so children are forced to remain in unsafe homes, “doesn’t sound like a very fun house” as it was put. Growing up with an abusive sibling we couldn’t discuss what happened during there episodes for fear of the guilt triggering another episode and so I was left out of the loop as Roman is through the episode. Logan wasn’t seriously hurt by Remus while Roman was not only because of belief but because Remus has power over Roman, Roman is cannot be safe from his brother the way the other sides are and with that in mind who do you think Remus takes the frustration of not being able to hurt the others out on? It’s no wonder Roman is so scared of becoming like his brother, is so desperate to rip off anything he has in common with Remus, even though they are family, due to their nature they have more in common with each other than they do other sides and that fact haunts Roman.

Patton prefers Roman. Roman is praised more often in “ The Dark Side of Creativity” more often than most any other episode in the series, but most of those compliments are just because he’s not his brother. “Roman is good!” Unlike Remus “Roman is brave!” Unlike Remus “Roman’s function is important” unlike Remus’ Roman is desperate for praise and yet the strongest praise he gets is when he’s asleep and used to hurt his brother. Roman is the favorite because Remus is the least favorite.

Being abused by a sibling especially one close in age leaves you abandoned by the protections for other abused children, it leaves you isolated from you family while still carrying the burden of being “the good one” it can leave you terrified of becoming like your sibling and sets you up to continue being in abusive relationships.

[brandstifter-sys]

I'm Here, You're Safe

@dukexietyweek Day 5 - Horror

Word Count: 4307 (Ao3)

Rating: T+

Characters: Roman, Remus, Virgil

Pairing: Dukexiety

Warnings: Major Character Death, abuse mention, religious abuse mention, gore, body horror, spiders, cannibalism (sorta), spider!Virgil, transformation, sex mention

Please heed the warnings.

Remus would rather be anywhere than the place he grew up, but his brother needs his help clearing the old house out after their mother passed away. The horrors in his head have to be worse than reality, don't they?

---

Sometimes Remus wondered if he was cursed. Sometimes he wondered if the monster under the bed was real. At least one monster was out of his life forever. 

Remus really did not want to come here. The old dingy house was so far removed from civilization, surrounded by trees. He could still see the tire hanging from the large oak in front of the porch, and he could see a black SUV parked beside it. 

So Roman got here first. At least he wouldn't have anything nice to say about her either. Remus decided that maybe this wouldn't be so bad. 

He parked his old truck next to Roman’s car and got out, expecting the noise would summon his brother. 

When Roman didn't come running to scold him, Remus figured he was lost in old memories. That was something Remus couldn't bring himself to do. 

He wanted to jump back in his truck and leave the bitter past behind. His mother was dead and she could rot, just like this house. 

He loathed the creak of the old steps as he approached the weathered old door. The last time he heard that sound he was running for his life. The last time he was ready to kill. 

But any negative feelings faded when he reached for the handle. There was a jumping spider sitting on it, staring at him. 

“Hey little lady,” he chuckled softly, “Pardon me, I need to get inside.” He grabbed the handle carefully and turned it, but the spider didn't move. And she didn't move when he stepped inside and released the handle.

“Thank you, sweetie!” he giggled and waved to the spider before closing the door. His real challenge was just beginning. 

The hall was similar to the day he ran away. The hardwood was a little worse for wear and the staircase to his right was covered in cobwebs, but the fake plant and umbrella can were still there. The old walking stick was still in the corner, and it still had brown dried blood on it. His blood.

And then there was the door under the stairs that led to the basement. Remus' blood ran cold as he stared at it. The cruelty of hell couldn't compare to the memories that basement held. His usually disquiet mind screamed at him, flashing glimpses into his past right before his eyes. 

“I'm here, you're safe now” words meant to soothe him after breaching the surface in tears

“There you are!” Roman's irate voice cut through his fog. He was in the archway that led to the den, hair out of place and eyes red from exhaustion. 

“I called and told you there was a tractor in front of me. Or maybe you wanted me to run over old Billy Bob Joe Bob,” Remus scoffed. Check your voicemail before you get pissy.” 

Roman sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He knew better than anyone that it was a miracle Remus even agreed to help. 

“Fine. I already sorted through the china and knickknacks and gathered the documents in the safe,” Roman said with a yawn, “We still have to clear the basement and move the majority of the furniture to your truck.” 

“It's a lot of work for this dump,” Remus commented and stretched his arms above his head. 

“And you only have to deal with it for one day,” Roman huffed.

“Did you find a motel around here?” Remus pouted. The drive here was not an easy one. 

“My bed is still upstairs. It's the only room I cleared of spiders. They're everywhere!” Roman said with a shudder. 

“That's why you need me—to clear the basement, isn't it?” Remus pouted. That was the last place he wanted to go. 

Roman said nothing and returned to the den. That was certainly one of the reasons he needed Remus there. He also needed Remus' truck, his old little piece of shit truck. They had to remove some furniture. 

Remus relented and followed him further inside. His skin crawled when he saw how little had changed. Sure, everything was covered in webs and dust, but that was the only stuff he didn't remember. The old TV was still standing on a stand. The crosses and religious pictures still hung on the wall behind it. The old armchair was still positioned right in front of it. He almost didn't want to get a closer look at that chair. 

“It's odd,” Roman said from the kitchen, “She died in that chair at least three years ago but it looks rather pristine.” 

“That's really weird,” Remus agreed and peeked at the seat of the chair. There were no stains, only dust. It didn't even smell like a body rotted away in it. The only thing that stood out was a large orb weaver spider crawling on the arm. 

“We're throwing it out regardless. Who would want to sit on that?” Roman scoffed, “This is disgusting work.” 

Remus stepped into the kitchen and saw that Roman was throwing away old food from the cabinets. He was scowling at the unopened cans, reading the expiration dates and then throwing them in a large black trash bag. 

“So what do you want me to do now?” Remus asked and sat on the kitchen table. 

“You can clear the fridge or start in the basement—go through the boxes and see if there's anything of value,” Roman said and grabbed an open cereal box, “Albums, antiques, anything like—

Dear Zeus!” 

Remus jolted when Roman threw the box across the room, letting it skid across the floor to the back door. 

“What the hell?” Remus snapped. 

And then he saw exactly what scared Roman. A large wolf spider crawled out of the cereal box. She had a ton of spiderlings on her back and she was trying to get away. 

Roman grabbed a can and held it, ready to attack. 

“Put that down—she won't hurt you,” Remus scoffed and got up. He knelt by the spider and held out his hand. He was pleasantly surprised when she crawled onto his palm. 

“How can you stand to touch that thing?!” Roman yelped and inched away from him. 

“Easily. It's like holding a hamster,” Remus responded and stepped out the back door. He set the spider down on the porch. 

“You take care, Momma, keep yourself safe,” he said softly and went back inside. 

“This house is infested!” Roman complained and slumped against the counter pathetically. Remus rolled his eyes and grabbed a trash bag. He was going to deal with the fridge. 

“It's not so bad, and they're easy to relocate,” Remus said and braced himself. Whatever was left in the fridge would be fouler than a few leggy babies. 

He expected the rancid stench of rotting meat, the sour odor of curdled milk and yogurt. There would be mold and mildew, maggots and rotting vegetables. 

He should have grabbed some gloves and a mask, but he couldn't bring himself to care when he wrapped his fingers around the handle. 

EEEEK! 

Roman screeched when Remus flung the door open and hundreds—no thousands—of spiders poured out of the refrigerator. 

“Looks like no food went to waste!” Remus beamed as the spiders scurried across the floor and up his leg. 

“How are you so calm around these beasts!?” Roman panted, clutching his heart. 

“Because they're harmless. They might look creepy crawly but they're doing their own thing,” Remus countered and peeked in the fridge. It was completely empty, save for a ton of webs, a bottle of hot sauce and a couple styrofoam meat packages. Clearly the spiders had their fill! 

“Get down from there,” Remus scoffed and grabbed everything from the fridge. He promptly tossed the garbage in Roman's trash bag and dusted off his hands. 

“You and your spiders!” Roman huffed and got his feet on the floor, “They’re menaces, just like you.” 

“You wound me, dear brother!” Remus laughed and went back to double check the fridge. He didn't want to remind Roman that he was worse than just a menace growing up. Their mother was one of those fire and brimstone types, and he was the epitome of sinful. 

“Oh please, I could never land a hit on you. Besides, I left your old room as it is, so you can roll around in all your spiders.” 

“You cleared your room?” Remus paused and glanced back at him. Roman was throwing away old cans and boxes, acting like he was focused on his task. 

“As I told you before, yes. I used up all my hairspray and accidentally set the curtains on fire. But I was able to get a few hours of rest,” Roman said flatly. Remus shuddered at the idea. He knew what it felt like to burn.

His back was still scarred, just like his psyche. 

Fire...

“That's fucked up, and that's coming from me!” Remus said and closed the empty fridge with shaking hands. He still had a few spiders crawling on his leg, tickling him, keeping him from slipping into dark memories. It wasn't working.

“I would be more merciful if it were just one or two, but they were quite literally everywhere. I had to do it if I wanted to sleep.” 

“The old bag of bones thought she had to do so many things, and she didn't!” Remus snapped and slammed his fist against the fridge. Roman was taken aback. 

“Remus,” Roman said gently, “perhaps you should take a few minutes outside. I don't know the full extent of what happened to you here, but I can see it's bothering you.” 

“Of course you don't! You're Mommy's little angel. If you want to know what fucked up shit happened look in the basement. We both know you never went down there!” Remus snarled and grabbed at his hair. 

“Remus—” Roman hesitated. Remus was shaking, his knees knocking together. He had tears running down his cheeks.

“If you want to burn the spiders, burn the whole house down with them!” Remus huffed and stormed out the back door. 

Roman was left with a slack jaw. He never really paid attention to the times when he would be allowed out while Remus was grounded. He knew that their mother was fond of corporal punishment. How much worse could it have been than the spankings he knew about? Surely Remus was just more sensitive to them than him.

Curiosity clawed at the back of his mind, like a feral cat trying to escape a bath. It ate away at him. He knew he was a horrible brother to Remus, tattling on him, pushing him away when he was desperate and lonely, never once covering for him when he snuck out for the most innocuous things. 

What was in that basement? What horrors were hidden below? 

He couldn't concentrate. Roman was throwing everything in the trash without checking the dates anymore. 

He needed to know. 

Roman finally tied the trash bag closed and sighed, glad that task was done. He could always go out and check on Remus, but those words echoed in his skull. 

Look in the basement 

Roman stepped out of the kitchen and made his way to the staircase. He was almost afraid of what he would find. If it wasn't the horror Remus implied, it would be spiders. So many spiders. 

But when he approached the door, Roman was surprised to find that there were no spiders crawling on it despite the vast number of webs nearby.

He took a deep breath and pushed his unease aside. He would have to go down there anyway, he might as well scope out the area. 

He opened the door slowly, expecting the spiders to be on the other side. He was both relieved and unnerved when none jumped out at him. 

With a flick of the light switch he steeled his nerves and made his descent. 

-

Meanwhile, Remus was at the edge of the woods, leaning on an old tree and trying to calm his head. 

Sinners must be penitent. They must disown their pride. 

He could still hear her voice, so calm and patronizing. His back burned with the ghost of the rod. He ached as if he were trapped in that small space again. He shivered as if his clothes were gone. 

“I'm glad that bitch is dead,” he muttered to himself and dried his eyes, “And after this I never have to see that whiny bastard again.” 

Remus couldn't believe that he agreed to help Roman. After years of claiming Remus was exaggerating, ignoring him, pushing him away, Roman had no right to ask for his help. He just had to play the brother card. If Roman actually cared about him, Remus wouldn't be so reluctant. No one here ever seemed to have cared.

No one who was real. Remus could still remember one person, an imaginary friend or a hallucination, and that person cared. Remus almost wished they were real, that Virgil was a real person who he didn't have to name. He missed hearing them comforting him from under his bed. He missed the way they would sing him to sleep and listen to him. 

He laughed to himself at some of their conversations. They had always shown interest in his ramblings about spiders and bugs, ocean oddities, and horror movies that he had watched at a friend's house. He even remembered telling them that he had a crush on them, even though they were just a voice in his head. 

“I'm here, you're safe now…” 

And he believed Virgil every time. At least until he didn't come back. 

---

Roman made his way to the bottom of the stairs. The dim light made everything seem so sinister. The unfinished walls and boiler were covered in cobwebs, and the ceiling was white with a full blanket of spidery weaving. At least the light was untouched. 

He could feel eyes boring into him. Stalking him from the shadows. He felt like a deer in the fields, hunted. 

But then he noticed it, standing next to the boiler. It was old and rusty. Or maybe that brown stuff wasn't rust. He could hardly believe his eyes. 

A cage meant for a large dog. It was sitting there, as if it had been there for years. 

On top of that cage was a bible, a branding iron, and a leather belt. And leaning against the wall was a thin cane. 

Roman’s heart sank. How many times did he put Remus through hell inadvertently? How many times did he think it was justified to get his brother in trouble? 

The hair stood on the back of his neck. The odd feeling that he was being watched was stronger. He could taste the venom in that gaze. 

It was too quiet...

He could hear his pulse thundering in his ears. 

Roman couldn't move his feet, locked in place and staring at the instruments his mother used to “purify” his brother. 

The walls seemed to move around him, webs shifting and swaying. There had to be hundreds of spiders hiding in their mesh. 

It was time to leave.

It had been time to leave for a while. 

It was too late. 

Roman screamed as something heavy fell on him, pounced on his shoulders. 

He hit the ground with a weight on his back, pinning him down. 

A searing pain ripped through his shoulders, like knives were piercing his flesh. His eyes welled with tears as an agonizing cry tore from his throat. 

And then the world faded to black. 

---

After two hours of calming down, Remus was ready to face the house again, as opposed to the woods at night. He would tell Roman what he could about his experience, move some old furniture, and then leave. He was exhausted but he didn't care, he needed to get away from this place. 

His body was heavy with fatigue as he trudged through the grass to the old building. The only thing that he could think of to keep him from spiraling as he neared was his imaginary friend. With any luck he would be able to hear them again. 

Remus entered through the back door into the kitchen. The lights weren't on but it looked like the trash was ready to go to the dump. 

Still, he couldn't shake the odd feeling that something was wrong. 

Roman would have come running to check on him, or to demand his help. Maybe he was on the second floor and didn't hear Remus come in. 

It was just so quiet…

...

Too quiet…

Remus chalked up all of the discomfort to his trauma and his mental health tanking. 

As he moved through the kitchen to the den, he failed to notice the spiders following him. He failed to notice that they weren't scattered across the furniture or in their webs. 

What he did notice made his heart stop. 

The basement door was open. The light was on. 

Roman actually went down there. 

He would have to go down there if he wanted to find Roman. He didn't. He didn't want to hear any apologies or alleviate any guilt. He only wanted to leave. But to do that, he needed to get the unsalvageable furniture in his truck, and he needed help with that. 

Remus' hands trembled as he reached for the handrail. His heart rate spiked as he slowly descended the stairs. 

Nothing bad would happen to him. 

She was dead.

Roman wouldn't have the guts to try anything. 

He could destroy this place. 

Remus glanced around the room. There were more spider webs than he remembered, so many more. They were like curtains on the walls. He avoided looking at the old cage for his own sanity, but scanned for any sign of Roman. 

But there was nothing. 

“Roman?” Remus called out, half expecting that Roman ran away as soon as he saw a spider. 

That's when his eyes landed on the cage. 

There was a large bundle of webs next to it. Large enough to encompass a person. 

Remus inched closer to confirm his worst suspicion. 

Roman’s head stuck out of one end of the bundle. But it was emaciated, skin taut and suctioned to his skull. His lips were thin and pulled back to reveal his teeth. 

His eyes were gone. The empty sockets were like voids. There was no blood or fluid, just deep holes in his skull. 

Remus should have been more concerned about finding his brother like this, and he would have to take it up with his therapist later, because he felt nothing. No anger or sadness, no joy, no fear. Emotional exhaustion couldn't be the only explanation. 

He could hear skittering overheard. 

Whatever did this to Roman was still there.

And he was fine with being next. 

Thud 

Remus knew something was behind him, something big. Probably the same thing that killed Roman. 

“It's been a while,” Remus chuckled and turned around, “And the one time I come back is the one time I won't leave.” 

He was not at all horrified by the giant spider standing in front of him. It was the size of a wolf, fuzzy and black, and its eyes shone with understanding. Its fangs were bright purple and stained with red, but it made no move to attack. 

“Oh, you're pretty!” Remus noted with a small smile. If he was dessert, he would be happy to feed a beautiful creature like this. 

The spider inched away from him and reared back on its hind legs. 

Remus was in awe as the creature quaked and bulged, its exoskeleton cracking. Its first and last pairs of leggings expanded and shortened, cracking as they took on a human shape. It kept morphing its entire body, stretching and shrinking just so, and turning Remus on in the process.

“Okay, I retract my statement,” Remus gawked. The person standing in front of him had four spider limbs coming out of his back, deathly pale skin, and gorgeous shaggy hair. His human eyes were purple and full of mixed emotions, while the four just below them were beady and black. The only shame was, that this person was fully clothed in jeans, a tee, and hoodie.

“You're fucking hot!” Remus gasped. 

“What?!” the spidery man yelped. Remus knew that voice. He knew that voice better than anyone. 

“Virgil?” Remus asked as his face split into a grin. 

“You remember,” Virgil muttered. 

“Of course I remember! You're the only person who believed me and you comforted me! Ooh—are you saving me for dessert? I'm a tasty snack!” Remus gushed and clapped his hands. 

“What the fuck? No! You haven't done anything to warrant that,” Virgil bristled, “He killed my children. I grew up watching him ignoring the horrors you went through and what he didn’t do.” 

“Your children?” Remus pouted, “The spiders? But they're all different species.” 

“Do you really think I can create spiders without a mate?” Virgil scoffed, “I'm their guardian, a sort of spirit type thing.” 

“So I have a bestie who's a spirit and I have a heart boner for a spirit?” Remus gasped and bounced on his heels. 

“I’m not a spirit, I’m not sure what I am—wait. You do?” 

“Yeah! You're the only thing I missed when I ran away,” Remus giggled, “I hated leaving you behind.” 

Virgil was blushing, backing into the wall shyly. Remus couldn't handle the fact that the terrifying monster was so cute and flustered. 

Remus bopped up to him and pressed against his chest. 

“I want to be all yours, even if that means we fuck and I become dinner for your children,” he purred and stared up at Virgil. 

“I killed your entire family and ate them,” Virgil muttered, “And you actually want—?” 

“I do! I would become a little leggy baby if I could, if it meant I could stay with you!” 

“What if you could be like me?” 

“A sexy spider spirit thing? I would kill for that!” Remus beamed. 

Virgil ran a hand down his cheek and cupped his chin. Remus was in awe, staring into his six eyes. 

“That's something I can do,” Virgil said and leaned down. Remus vibrated with excitement. 

The second their lips met, Remus melted into Virgil’s chest. Virgil wrapped all of his arms around Remus and held him close. 

Remus moaned softly when Virgil took his lower lip between his teeth. This was too good to be true. 

And then a searing pain shot through his gums. Remus cried out, but Virgil didn't pull away, he held Remus tighter. 

Remus' legs quaked and his blood boiled. All of his muscles burned and turned to goo. He could feel himself peeling away from his skeleton while his skin tore open to make way for chitinous plates to take over. 

Virgil retracted his fangs and gently laid Remus on the cold cement ground. The cold ground felt heavenly against him. 

“The pain will go away soon,” Virgil said softly and stroked his hair, “I’m here, you're safe.” 

Remus could have sobbed at those words. They were so comforting, enough to numb the pain. 

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't cry. He couldn't see. He could feel his flesh peeling off his skeleton, his brain and spinal cord liquefying and seeping out of their boney prisons. 

“It's almost over, Remus,” Virgil said softly, “You're holding up so well.” 

Remus writhed and contorted. He couldn't scream when two new pairs of limbs erupted from his torso. And then his mouth sealed shut and two more limbs sprouted from his face.

And then the pain stopped. His vision came back, although much different than before. Virgil was kneeling beside him, smiling at him. 

“You’re cuter like this,” Virgil hummed and helped Remus stand on his eight legs. Remus chirped and wiggled his abdomen, unable to speak. He wanted to speak.

“You’re too weak to transform,” Virgil said, completely understanding him, “You need to eat.” 

Remus was hungry. There had to be food somewhere. He could smell fresh meat. 

Virgil stood and let him scurry about. Remus would find food. 

There was a large lump of webs on the ground. The source of the smell. 

He didn’t have a second thought before he jammed his chelicerae into the lump and liquefied the flesh. It didn’t occur to him what was in that web bundle, only that it was sustenance. 

By the time he was sated, the skin on Roman’s skull had melted off. 

With a little bit of willpower, Remus reared back on his last two sets of legs and morphed into a humanoid similar to Virgil. He was grinning and clapping like an excited child. 

Virgil pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek. 

“I’m here, you’re safe now, and we can leave this shithole behind, together.”

“Can we burn it to the ground and cuddle?” Remus asked and glanced at the floor. The pair of skeletons on the ground should have been terrifying. One of them was his! He ate his own brother! He should have been disgusted. But all he could feel was elation. 

“Let me get everyone out first, and then we can,” Virgil hummed, “I wanted to watch you destroy this place and the people in it for years. Revenge is sweeter when you do it yourself.” 

Remus giggled and kissed him again, just a quick little thing to make his spider blush. 

“You’re sweeter than any revenge. Let’s clear out the babies so we can cuddle by the fire,” he hummed. Virgil scooped him up and smiled softly. 

“You want to do more than that.” 

“You know it!” Remus laughed. He was thrilled that he could find happiness in the worst place in his world. And he had just the spider to keep it there.

[typically-untypical]

Nobody talks about how Logan has begun to drink a concerning amount of alcohol in recent episodes. Maybe a fic about his new found coping mechanism?

You my dear anon are a person of a discerning palate. I have been thinking about this for a while but didn't think about writing anything on it. Apparently, I had a lot to say though because this fic ended up being a little over 2.7k

That being said there are a lot of Content Warnings: Alcohol Abuse, Violence, depression, isolation, and self-hatred, so everyone please read with caution!

PS to my Tag list: Sorry I didn't tag y'all in all of the other ones I've posted this week, I wasn't using my own computer so I didn't have easy access to the list!

Logan didn’t have a problem. A problem would constitute that it was affecting him in ways that were unexpected. Logan knew exactly what he was doing, exactly how it was affecting him, and exactly what the outcomes would be. He was logic, and he was smart enough to make the choices that needed to be made to make him most efficient. His new founding coping mechanism might be less than healthy but addictions were tied to emotional triggers, and he was Logic, he didn’t have emotions. He wasn't addicted and the moment that this wasn't the most logical option for processing his stressors he would stop.

He would have no problem stopping.

Looking down at the empty bottle of wine that sat on his desk, Logan sighed, pushing himself out of his chair. He was desperately trying to lie to himself. Even he wasn’t convinced it hadn’t become problematic. He was spiraling, and Logan was aware of it. It used to be that a single glass at the end of the day would help his frayed nerves but now he was drinking at least a bottle a day, if not more. Whatever it took to keep himself from feeling the world around him. He wasn't supposed to feel. He just wanted to be numb.

Numb was so much easier than the screaming echoes in his head. 

With a snap, Logan cleaned up his room, looking around what used to be a calming place for him. At one time his room had been his pride and joy, awards from childhood, Thomas' diploma, everything that Logan had worked hard to build. Now it was a monument to his failures, a life they could have had that was abandoned along with him.

After cleaning up his room, Logan had to sit back down. That was a lot of energy for someone not completely sober, and a lingering thought in the back of his head told him that he had earned another glass of wine but he could feel that maybe he needed a glass of water, just this once. Cleaning up his room felt like giving himself a new perspective. He summoned himself a water, sipping at it lightly. It was nice to have everything looking so clean, it was relaxing. It made him feel better to have the area looking clean again after so long. There was a small bit of hope in him that maybe he could keep his room clean, but he knew it wouldn't last. It wasn't just the bottles, it was his mental state, the things he was constantly trying to pretend that he wasn't feeling. However, maybe for just a little bit longer he could pretend like everything was okay, like he wasn’t being ignored, like his function hadn’t been relegated to ‘comic relief’, like he had actually found his answers at the bottle of the bottle. 

Time wasn't kind. He couldn't sit there in his world of fantasy much longer. Despite all of the turmoil in the mindscape, Patton had been trying to maintain movie night, a tradition that had started when they had accepted Virgil. Things had felt simpler back then. Watching Big Hero 6 with everyone else after Virgil had convinced Roman that his choice sucked, had been entertaining. Now, everything was strained. Patton let Roman get away with everything he wanted, Virgil was on the Prince's side, and Logan was left to fend for himself, if he wanted to fight at all. Honestly, he had a feeling all of this was going to fall apart. The sooner the better, he didn't want to have to deal with the three of them but he continued to out of obligation. It served no purpose for Thomas to continue to fight himself. In what little ways he could, Logan wanted to support Thomas' growth as a person, even if it meant he got left behind. 

“Hey Logan!” Patton said with a smile that looked a bit forced. He was trying his best, but they all knew it wasn’t enough. As Logan looked at the fatherly side he could only see the panicked look of frustration and fear as he hit the "Skip All" button, as he shoved aside Logan's commentary.

“Patton,” he responded with a nod, sitting down on the couch in the same spot he always took. He didn't want to add to the stress Patton had been experiencing. Logan was trying to be the best logic he could be, he wanted to support everyone's mental health, he had been trying to change, but it didn't feel like enough. 

He could already feel his buzz wearing off and he rubbed his temples, debating on if he was going to try to make it thought movie night as he continued to grow more sober, or if he was going to continue on his bad habit? Roman was glaring at Patton, refusing to say a word to him. Virgil refused to make eye contact all together and Logan felt his headache grow. “You look awful, nerd.” Roman had always been like this, he pushed and teased and did whatever he wanted. He said cruel things not because he was cruel but because he had so little of a filter. HE was more like his brother than he realized sometimes. Normally, Logan just let it brush off his shoulders, much like he brushed off Remus' morning star but today... he just couldn't handle it anymore. He conjured himself a glass of wine, sipping at it slowly. He didn't want to feel anymore.

As Roman put on a movie, Logan could feel Patton staring at him. Logan was sure that Patton was judging him, silently trying to figure out how to bring up the conversation without being rude. Well the joke was on him, that wasn't possible, not if he wanted to get the information he thought it was so important he needed. Logan ignore him, just like everyone else had been doing to him. At least, he did until he had finished his glass and Patton continued to stare. At that point it was just annoying. “Is there something you need?” Logan snapped, eyebrow raised, irritation written into every harsh crease on his face.

Patton hesitated, if he had any good sense about him he would drop it, but of course he didn't. Logan knew only a few of the sides had brain cells and Patton wasn't one of them... maybe he was being to harsh... no, after everything that had happened Patton deserved worse, and it wasn't as if he was saying any of this out loud. "You've been drinking a lot of wine recently, are you... are you enjoying it?" He chickened out of the question he was going to ask. Of course he did, it was Patton. 

"This was a decent vintage, I have it simulated from one of Thomas' memories." 

"Oh, well... I'm glad you are enjoying it. You should be careful not to drink too much though, it's not healthy for you."

Logan looked at Patton, eyebrow raised. "Patton we are metephisical beings, drinking doesn't even make us drunk unless we choose for it to do so." He stated, waving his hand as if that fact was obvious.

"Well... it's um... it's just unlike you kiddo."

“First of all, I'm not your child, and second of all, I am allowed to pick up new habits as they suit me.” If Patton wanted to continue to dance around his point, the Logan wasn't going to entertain him and give him the information he wanted. 

And apparently Patton wasn't going to ask. “Yeah, you're right, I just... I wanted to make sure you were aware of the change. You know sometimes we start picking up habits and we don't even realize it."

"Leave the nerd alone," Roman called, "If he wants to drink let him drink." Logan was both thankful that Roman cut in and frustrated.

He was aware, he was drowning and all the three of them could do was push him aside as they continued their next fight. Roman came to his defense, but he was completely ignoring the fact that Logan needed help. Silence once again fell over the room, the only sound being that of the TV in front of them. The wine in Logan's stomach churned and the itch to grab something stronger ran up his spine. There was a part of him that was thankful Patton had dropped the subject, a part of him that was thankful Roman had stopped their conversation. He didn’t want to talk about the unhealthy nature of his coping mechanism and all of the other things he already knew. He just wanted to be left alone. However, there was another part of him desperately crying out, begging for someone to notice he was in trouble and needed help. He was desperate for the care which might make him break and truthfully answer the question Patton refused to ask. “I’m very much aware," He answered, gripping the side of the couch. How could he not be?

He was aware he had a problem; he was aware he needed help, but the numbness was so much more preferable to the pain. Loud intrusive thoughts plagued him during the day, and if he didn’t self mediacate, they would almost assuredly win. What was a side to do when they realized that they were no longer a useful part to the human they cared for? He needed to cope more than he needed to stop himself. He wasn't willing to admit the truth that waited for him in sobriety. 

No one was going to offer him a helping hand, so he was going to do what he needed to do.

The quiet was no longer the calm of a movie night but the tenseness from an unfinished conversation. Patton was fidgeting and Roman and Virgil eventually looked back at the two of them. There was something in both of their eyes that Logan couldn't pin point, but he wasn't comfortable under their gaze. “I will be returning to my room.” He stood up, pushing himself from the couch, maybe that wine had been a little stronger than he thought. It was fine, he could continue to pretend, he had a lot of practice in it. Honestly, he was thankful to have an excuse to leave anyway. He hadn’t come down to be judged, and he had no intention of staying here if all they wanted to do was stare at him and make him feel guilty for the way he was coping with the pain they caused. 

He swayed a little bit as he reached the top of the stairs, hand on the wall to keep himself up. It didn't feel like they were staring anymore, maybe this was just one more time that they wanted to get rid of him. He summoned a bottle, drinking a heafty swig before disappearing it.

He was fine. Everything was fine.

The world was spinning, but he had nothing else to do tonight. He didn't have to work and he could just slip into unconsciousness. As he entered his bedroom, he found the whole floor covered in empty bottles, glasses, any kind of container that had once held alcohol. What was more, he knew each one, the bottle he had just drank from a moment ago was sitting on his desk. They were all staring at him, mocking him and he recoiled, hand on the door handle. He had just cleaned his room, all of this should be cleaned, instead in was meticulously placed as if to mock him. Was he really so drunk that he was starting to hallucinate? He knew he had a problem, he just didn't think it had gotten this bad.

“Hello Chemisty Solution, get it? Cuz that’s what you smell like.” Remus was laying on his bed, looking at him. There was a smirk outlined on the chaotic man's face. He didn’t normally have issues with Remus but after the incident with Thomas’ schedule…. After one more person had helped him be pushed away!

“Out,” He growled. Logan snapped to get rid of the bottles, but they didn’t move. This had to be some fuckery that Remus was pulling to prove a point. Fine, Logan would just do it the old fashion way. He began picking them up one by one.

“Now where is the fun in that?” Remus watched him like a hawk, this was the exact reason that Logan had left the Movie night. He didn’t need to be judged. He wanted to cope in peace where no one else could give their two cents into how he could fix a problem they caused. “Y’know, Jannie says you are going to come to your sense and reach out for help, but I think he underestimates how stubborn you are, so I’m taking over.”

Why should he reach out for help from a prince who never listened to him, an emo who called him the least favorite, a father who refused to listen to anyone's voice other than his own, a gremlin who wanted him to suffer, or a snake who benched him? Why would he reach out to any of them?!

“Get Out,” Logan stated again, frustration and anger pouring over him as he fought to grab one of the bottles that was sitting on his floor. Bending down like that was hard, he almost lost his balance but he refused to lose his dignity in front of Remus. He refused!

“Nah, I’m here to stop you and force you to look at the consequences of your actions or some shit.” Remus was acting nonchalant, laying in the bed as if this were a normal conversation between friends but he didn't get that privilage. 

Logan could feel his blood boiling, his anger pouring off of him in waves as he threw a bottle towards Remus’ head. He shouldn't have done that, but the anger felt so good. The bottle shattered next to Remus and Logan could feel his body getting hot. “You don’t get to play the hero when you are part of the problem!” Logan went to grab another bottle, ready to throw it again, but Remus wasn’t on the bed anymore. Instead, he stood in front of Logan, holding onto the other man’s wrist tightly. He was stopping Logan from expressing his anger, stopping him from lashing out but this was the most he had felt in weeks. He wanted the anger, because it was the only emotion that didn't leave him feeling like a gaping hole had been shot through his chest. He didn't want to see the pity in Remus’ eyes.

“I want you to go crazy," Remus' voice was surprisingly calm and quiet, "but this isn’t what I meant. You need to throw that anger somewhere where it will be constructive, or you’re just going to get consumed by your own flames.” No, he didn't get to lecture Logan. He didn't get to try to be a savior.

Logan fought and struggled against Remus hand. He didn’t want to hear this. He had been fighting alone for so long, when he was hurt no one reached out to him. He wasn't going to lay down his weapon just because someone was finally acknowledging that there was a problem.

"Remus, let me take over." That was Janus, his voice also smooth and calm as Logan felt Remus disappear. Janus took his place, but he led Logan's hand down, no longer raised in a form of aggression. "I'm sorry Logan," He whispered, and for a brief moment Logan almost felt like he was going to get the apology he wanted, but instead, Janus continued. "This is going to hurt, but you need to let yourself feel all of it."

Suddenly the buzz and the anger were gone, instead replaced by everything both had been trying to mask. Tears began pouring down Logan's face as he almost collapsed to his knees, caught by Janus' other arms.

"Please, I don't want to feel, I don't want..."

"I know," Janus cooed quietly, "But you need to. If you are going to get over this, you are going to have to feel all of the pain you've been hiding."

Logan collapsed into Janus' chest, his legs having already given out.

"Please, I don't want to feel anymore."

Tag List: @simplestoryteller @fantasticfangirl21 @joylessnightsky @melaniidarling

[edupunkn00b]

The Uses of Adversity, Ch. 15: Live to Tell

Prev - Live to Tell - Next - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

WC: 3378 - Rated: T - CW: swearing, non-graphic discussions of abuse

Janus depositions Logan in preparation for their court battle with Kelly. He tells Janus everything. Well, nearly everything. Everything relevant, Logan is certain.

I have a tale to tell Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well I was not ready for the fall Too blind to see the writing on the wall

A man can tell a thousand lies I've learned my lesson well Hope I live to tell the secret I have learned 'Til then, it will burn inside of me - Live to Tell, Madonna

Roman stayed until Saturday afternoon. They spent the night on the couch, talking and… to be honest, each had dozed a bit, as well. Logan had fallen asleep first, warm and safe, wrapped in Roman's arms, holding him just as closely. The next morning, the boys didn’t question Roman’s presence and simply greeted him like he belonged there.

Despite his worries, they’d had a blissful weekend together, with cake and leftovers for breakfast, and a thrift store hunt for books and Doctor Who DVDs later in the day. Saying goodbye to Roman had been difficult, with wild fantasies of making a permanent space for him flitting through Logan's mind. But Remy's scheme to meet up the next weekend for the movie gave them all something to look forward to.

Remy’s housemate Emile came by Sunday afternoon after spending the weekend with his parents and they’d all fumbled their way through making sushi with the kit the boys had given him for his birthday. Emile had even gifted him a little matcha tea set, the sakura petals on the bamboo finish perfectly matching the kit from his sons.

By Sunday night, Remy, Virgil, and Emile had driven back up to Bellingham, and Logan had dropped off Patton at Kelly’s for her week with him. Neither had mentioned the papers. 

He took his time getting ready for bed, drawing out the rote tasks. He flossed twice, refilled the hand soap bottles, changed out the towels in all the bathrooms. The weekend’s busyness, his sons’ laughter filling the house—and, thanks to Roman, his own—had pushed away his worries about Kelly’s filing and Monday’s deposition with Janus.

Now that he was alone again, it was impossible to think about anything else.

More times than he wanted to admit, he’d picked up his phone, tapping open his ongoing chat with Roman, and tried to imagine what he would say if he invited him over. Twice, he’d even started to type out the message, but no matter how he worded it, his request sounded… disrespectful. Dirty. Hey, Ro, my sons aren’t home. Wanna come over?

Shaking his head, he went downstairs to finish the laundry he’d neglected that weekend. Once that was done, he moved on to strip all the beds and, in a few loads, had washed all the sheets and blankets. By the time he’d folded the last comforter, still warm and smelling like that Saturday Roman had found him at the laundromat, the first birds had begun their morning calls. Logan made his bed, brewed a fresh pot of coffee, then stood in front of the kitchen window to watch the sunrise slowly open the blooms in his flower box.

When the bottom edge of the sun cleared the horizon, Logan rinsed his cup and got ready for work. If he left soon, he could take the bus in and not need to worry about the traffic over the bridge.

~

“A little odd to be on the other side of one of these, isn’t it?” Janus remarked as he sat across from him in his office. He tried not to listen when Janus asked Beatrice to ensure they weren’t disturbed, though he’d appreciated the way Janus had asked him to bring a stack of files from his office as a subtle subterfuge.

“More than a little,” he nodded.

Humming, Janus flipped through folders on his desk. “I see from the proceedings you represented yourself—”

“You have my court records?” Logan interrupted, eyes wild as he tried to recall what other information might be hidden away in those files.

Janus looked up, a faint frown wrinkling his brow. “I’m your attorney.”

“Right, yes, of course… I—I don’t mean…” He looked down at his hands. Janus was certain to rescind the Assistant AIC offer after all of this. This was even worse than the review of his Q-Law cases.

“Did you consult with anyone?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I… took care of it. Kelly was the petitioner. She… It was… I just wanted it done.”

Logan wasn’t sure if Roman had warned him or not, but Janus started very slowly with the rest of his questions, building out a chronological list of events in their marriage and separation. He captured the boys’ names and birthdays—they’d been redacted from the court record. They talked a bit about Virgil’s birth and his surgeries. Logan even told Janus how Virgil’s genetic screening had showed a hereditary component to the defect in his diaphragm. He admitted how, afterward, he’d had his own genome screened and confirmed he carried the gene.

Janus didn’t ask for more details, so he let the rest of that thread drop.

Instead, he began to ask about the… quality of his relationship with Kelly. Logan bit the inside of his cheek, fighting for control. He’d just managed to win a sliver of respect from his boss. He couldn’t… He couldn’t just throw that all away with some overly emotional reaction.

“We… we disagreed on…” Logan sucked in a slow breath, forcing his twitching hands to calm. Janus’ eyes flicked down to his lap and made a note in the margin of his yellow legal pad. “On a few important things about the boys.” He shrugged, “Like all married people, I suppose.”

He nodded slowly, writing without taking his eyes off of Logan’s expression. “Your parents… disagreed a lot?”

In one breath, Logan was back in his parents’ old rambler in Oregon. He sat on his closet floor, making flashcards, a heavy AP History textbook open on his lap. Surrounded by hanging clothes, with his blanket shoved against the gap at the bottom, his father’s shouted words and his mother’s occasional responses were muffled and difficult to make out.

But the tones were unmistakable. And far too familiar. 

Logan couldn’t stop his hands from shaking so he crossed his arms over his belly, gripping and releasing the sides of his shirt. “Excellent motivation to get a scholarship to UW and move out on my own,” he said, an attempt at levity. His voice cracked at the end and Janus simply made another note on his legal pad.

Janus tapped the end of his pen against his lips and went quiet. Logan had observed him cross examine reticent witnesses often enough to have seen this tactic of his before. Given enough time under his ‘I have all day, how about you?’ gaze, even other attorneys who knew it was coming would start to sweat and say anything to fill the silence.

Logan was well practiced at holding his tongue.

“You were married for…” Janus flipped back to the front page and did the math. “Eighteen years.” Faster than Logan had expected, he’d moved on to the ‘I already know everything, you might as well answer my questions’ stage. “This is difficult. Difficult to talk about, difficult to re-experience,” he said, his voice softer than Logan had braced himself for and his eyes darted up, an unfamiliar expression on his boss’ face. “Believe me, I understand.” 

He nodded, then lowered his head and waited for Janus' next question, shields up and ready.

“Talk to me, Logan.” Without seeing his face, it almost sounded like a plea. “What made you finally decide to divorce?”

Eyes closed to avoid the inevitable ridicule on Janus’ expression, Logan forced a slow, deep breath. Still, his voice shook shamefully when he spoke. “How much of this has Roman already told you?”

“None." Logan looked up, the honesty in Janus' voice too strong to ignore. “Roman can be a bit of a drama king—”

“Excuse me?” Logan’s voice was sharper than he’d intended but instead of looking angry at his interjection, Janus merely looked surprised and… pleased?

“As is my Remus,” he said, the tone of that ‘my’ hanging in the air, as though he noted some other parallel between the brothers. Janus’ smile morphed into a bit of a smirk. “As am I, so I’ve been told.” Janus watched his reaction with interest and for a moment, Logan could have sworn his boss was about to add him to his list of ‘drama kings.’ Logan looked down and smoothed his tie for the sake of having somewhere else to look. “Personally, I think the world could use more drama kings,” he continued. “You never need doubt where you stand with us.”

Speak for yourself, Logan thought but did not say.

“Regardless.” Janus grew serious. “Unless you asked him to tell me something personal you’d shared with him, Roman would not breathe a word of it.” He lowered his legal pad. “And, aside from a very short list of legally required disclosures, the same is true for me. Your secrets are safe.”

He pinched his sides, a distraction from the tears already burning the backs of his eyes. Janus waited, but when Logan didn’t speak for several long moments, he prodded. “To do my job, Logan, I need to know everything.”

Logan deflated, the last shreds of his pride spooled in a tangled mess on the floor. “I know,” he sighed. 

“Was it more than 'disagreements' between you?” Janus asked again, even softer this time.

Logan’s bottom lip trembled, but the harder he tried to control it, the worse it got. He nodded and swallowed hard against the lump in his throat.

“Much more.”

~

Eighteen years of practicing law plus two decade’s worth of his own personal experiences had muted Janus’ expressiveness in the face of misery. Remus worked hard to ensure it was a mask he could drop, that he had spaces where he was free to cry and shout and stumble and laugh. His husband spent an inordinate amount of energy and love ensuring he would not be swallowed up and consumed by his jaded attorney façade.

Janus clung to that jadedness now, letting it carry him as he fought to keep a mostly neutral expression while Logan recounted the gradual descent from storybook romance to a narrow escape from Hansel and Gretel’s witch.

It was a familiar story. While Q-Law received most of its funding from its flashier cases, the national attention garnered through their work on major legislation, fancy galas, and private benefactors, from a caseload perspective, a plurality of their work was in family law. Domestic violence cases in particular. Q-Law was there to serve a need in the queer community and, tragically, that’s where the greatest need lay.

What made this story different for Janus was he didn’t need to ask if anyone at his client’s workplace had the faintest inkling of just how bad, just how dangerous his home life had been.

Janus had had none.

Shame bubbled in his chest as Roman’s tight-lipped admonition ran laps through his mind. ‘Maybe you don’t actually know him as well as you think you do.’ This interview proved he most certainly did not.

He turned to a fresh page. “And which of these injuries did you actually seek care for?” Logan curled in on himself, the implied accusation harsh even to Janus’ ears. “That came out wrong, I’m sorry. I simply wish to retrieve hospital records,” he said.

“Do you—” Logan shivered and Janus checked the thermostat. The office was set to 71°F. “Do you really think that will be necessary?”

He frowned and sat back in his chair. Janus was accustomed to clients, particularly DV clients, demonstrating resistance to reliving and retreading these parts of their lives. But Logan was a lawyer. A lawyer who, thanks to his now explainable eagerness to pick up so many of the toughest DV cases, was arguably the most experienced DV trial lawyer in the firm.

What wasn’t he getting about this?

“We’ve only seen the initial petition, Logan,” Janus began as carefully as he could. A spark of annoyance he couldn’t quite suppress buzzed in his mind. “If she alleges any sort of—”

“I never hurt her. Not even—” His voice fell away and his eyes were drawn to the door. Fuck, he was losing him.

Janus looked down at the desk between them. He stood, wincing when Logan flinched. He brought his legal pad and a pen and sat at the other end of the couch, nothing between them now but a few feet of overstuffed leather sofa.

“What can you share, Logan?” he asked softly.

“I…” He sighed, shoulders curled over and he held out his right hand. A vague recollection of a college sports injury explaining away the titanium pins that triggered court metal detectors flicked across Janus’ mind.

“I had surgery at Evergreen for my wrist fracture. Started at the emergency room. There will be X-rays.” Janus’ pen flew across the page. “I left… AMA from Recovery.” He massaged the bone just above his wrist and from here, Janus could see the three little white lines from the incisions. “Kelly came by with the kids and… drove me home.”

“She convinced you to leave against medical advice?”

Logan looked away. “The doctor had called a social worker because my injuries were ‘inconsistent with the patient’s reported cause.’”

Janus nodded slowly and made a few marks on the page before flipping back to review the full list of incidents Logan had recounted. “This was in October 2011?”

“After Patton’s first diagnosis.”

He nodded again and flipped back to the mostly blank page, pen hovering over the sheet, ready for the next set of records to requisition. When Logan remained silent, Janus looked up. “Whenever you’re ready,” he prompted gently.

“That’s it.”

“What do you mean, ‘that’s it?’” He stared at Logan, brow furrowed as he turned again to the pages detailing the times their arguments had turned violent. The times that bitch had turned violent.

“That was the only injury for which I sought care.” His voice was stiff. Formal.

“What?” Janus hissed, calm façade cracking as he scanned the list. “You—your—The fractures in your hand?” Logan shook his head, eyes on the floor. “Your concussions, the burn, the—the tear in your lobe, you—”

“Dermabond surgical adhesive was sufficient to stop the bleeding.“

Janus scoffed. “You can’t just order that shit from Amazon!”

Logan merely shrugged. “It’s a basic veterinary supply. It isn’t that difficult to acquire.”

“I see,” Janus said more to his notepad than his client. Logan had used fucking vetbond on himself then went to work the next day like nothing had happened. His employee. His co-worker. Sour acid churned in his stomach. 

‘He’s your friend, too…’

Roman had been wrong. Janus had not been his friend.

He watched Logan over the top of his legal pad. Shame crawling up his spine, he wondered how many times he’d fucking laughed when Devin had sat where Logan was now and remarked how clumsy their quiet co-worker must be to so often have had some sort of limp or bandage or…

No. He couldn’t undo any of that. But he could fight like hell for Logan now. 

“Do you have friends who would be willing to support any of this with contemporaneous reports?” he asked, trying a new tactic. “Neighbors? Anyone you’ve been close with who knew what had really happened and would give a statement?”

“No,” Logan said. His fingers tapped the side of his knee in what more closely resembled a tremor than a fidget.

“What makes you so sure they’d be unwilling to come forward?” Despite humanity's general unwillingness to rock the boat even to save a person from drowning, Janus couldn’t imagine everyone in Logan’s life would be so reluctant to help. With the notable exception of Devin, Logan had always been kind and thoughtful to everyone in the office, unerringly polite and considerate. The first to pass around a card for birthdays or tragedies, despite the glaring omission of his own. There had to be someone.

“We could ensure their anonymity if they’re concerned about… social ramifications. She wouldn’t need to know they’d said anything.”

It was like convincing a rock. He wouldn’t even look up. “Logan, we’ve done it before. Domestic violence situations, particularly when witnesses consider both parties friends and—”

Logan shook his head. “You misunderstand me. I mean I… I have no… confidants from that period of my life. Your, ah…” Logan crossed and uncrossed his legs then wrapped his arms around his stomach, hugging himself. “Your brother-in-law is my first friend in a very long time.”

He looked down at his statement. “You… “ Sighing, he set the legal pad face down on the coffee table and turned in his seat to face Logan properly. “You have been through so much and…” He met his eyes. 

Janus used to wonder how people could be so blind when the people around them were suffering. How people could waltz through their days, ignoring the obvious hurt of those around them. But he’d been just as bad. Just as oblivious. “I'm sorry I never noticed the signs. That I never tried to help you.”

Logan looked away, rubbing the fingers of his left hand. Janus had always thought it a nervous habit. Now he wondered how much the mis-fused bones pained him. And how much of it was a reminder of that fight.

Finally, Logan shrugged. “I made every effort to ensure there was nothing for anyone to notice.”

They sat in awkward silence for a few moments, then Janus stood. “Can I make you some tea?” Logan looked up, surprise cutting through his mask. Janus smiled and spread his hands, gesturing toward the little kettle and bamboo box of matcha. “I know I could use a cup. I imagine you could, too.”

Logan huffed. “Got anything stronger than tea?”

Shaking his head, Janus chuckled and pulled his five-year Alcoholics Anonymous chip from his pocket. “Nope.”

“Oh, fuck, I’m sorry, I—I didn’t know.”

“It’s all right, Logan. We… we’ve both had our secrets, haven’t we?” Janus checked the kettle and clicked it on, then pulled two mugs from underneath the tea caddy. “How long have we known each other?”

“Almost twenty-two years.”

Janus shook his head. “Far too long to not actually know each other.”

“Perhaps,” he said. 

The water rumbled in the kettle and Janus whisked it into the powder in the chawan, the steam carrying the bright, clean scent through the room.

“May I help with the tea?” Logan began to rise. “You don’t need to serve me.”

“Yes, actually, I do.” Janus looked over his shoulder and winked. “You’re older, so I pour the tea.”

Sitting back down, Logan shook his head, a tiny scowl wrinkling his brow. “I can’t be that much older than you.”

“Very nearly nine months,” Janus smiled as he poured Logan’s tea, then his own, and set both cups down on the table.

Logan’s face couldn’t decide if he should glare or grin.

“Don’t worry,” Janus nodded and waited for Logan to pick up his cup. “I promise I won’t rub it in too much.”

Smiling, Logan took a sip and set down his cup. 

“Besides, it’s bad manners to mock the elderly.”

A sudden belly laugh burst from the ordinarily quiet man.

“Careful there,” Janus murmured, sipping his tea. “Too much excitement at your age can't be healthy.” Shoulders shaking, Logan laughed until there were tears in his eyes and Janus passed him another tissue.

Janus slid a little closer on the couch and smiled. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you really laugh.”

“Well,” Logan nodded and raised his cup. “Here’s to twenty-two more years of hearing it.”

By the time they finished their tea, the clock on Janus’ desk chimed six times. “Damn,” he muttered, pulling out his phone and confirming just how late it really was. “I hope I’m not keeping you from your boys.”

“No,” Logan shook his head, turning the little cup in his hands. “Not at all. Patton is at Kelly’s this week. I’m not needed.” Janus frowned at his phrasing and Logan fumbled to explain. “He carpooled after school, and the…” He looked down and the desk lamp cast long shadows across his face, exaggerating the dark circles under his eyes. “The quarter’s started at Western.”

“Hmm.” More shaken by Logan's words than he wanted to admit, Janus took their empty cups and placed them in the basin on the bottom shelf of his tea caddy. “Any plans for dinner, then?”

-

Taglist: @crossiantgay

Ask to be added :D

[lefaystrent]

Friendly Neighborhood Criminals Part 5

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: platonic Patton/Dark Sides

Summary: Patton has never celebrated Halloween before. His new friends find this unacceptable. Que spooky shenanigans.

Ao3 Link: click here

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

A/N: DnDeceit (Hazgarn) asked for Halloween shenanigans. I am here to deliver.

Also, since it will probably never come up in the story specifically, Patton is 20, Virgil 25, Remus 31, and Janus 36.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Turn to the left. Little more. Okay, hold on."

Brush bristles graze across Patton's cheekbone up into his temple. It's a tickle he's gotten used to over the past thirty minutes or so, but reflexively he giggles now and then. It's like eyelashes kissing his skin in little butterfly flutters! So light and calming.

Virgil sits with him on Patton's bed, both of them facing each other. He works with his tongue caught between his teeth in concentration. Colorful palettes of blushes and eyeshadow dominate the space around them, courtesy of Virgil's personal collection. Some of it dusted across Patton's sheets, despite Virgil's best efforts, but Patton assured him that it was part of the fun! There's no way Patton can be upset with Virgil anyway. Not after he's graciously volunteered to do Patton's Halloween makeup!

Virgil's own under eye shadow has been replaced this evening. The eyes are still smokey, yet softer in a blend of purple and silver highlights. Tiny stars and moons are painstakingly painted around his brows and the corners of his eyes, accentuated by glued on rhinestones. Together with his matte, plumb lipstick, Virgil's face looks ethereally beautiful.

He still hasn't told Patton what his costume is. Patton keeps guessing and Virgil gives a secretive smile without letting on either way.

"Is it an anime magical girl?"

"Do I look like I could pull off being a magical girl?"

"I think you could pull off anything, Virge. You're very pretty."

"Aww, it's cute that you think compliments will work on me."

And Patton giggles again just because he's happy. Lately, he and Virgil have been texting and hanging out a lot. He's closer to Patton age-wise, so it's easier to connect on that front. More than that, Virgil possesses a quiet passion about him that is borne from more than a mere desire to produce art. It extends to his friends' well-being with an uncanny attention for detail. Patton has seen it in the way that he worries for Remus and Janus and the gruff ways he checks in on them to make sure they're taking care of themselves.

It's a more unrefined version of the way Janus goes about taking care of people, but no less endearing. Patton wonders if Virgil is conscious of emulating him, if that's where he's learned it. Janus is downright parental, always feeding them and reminding them to rest. Watching them with eyes that know more than what his boys tell him and able to glean the sources of their struggles without them ever having to voice them. It's different than Patton's own parents...

Remus, on the other hand, is akin to a bold big brother in his protective instincts. Constantly teasing, unerring in his acts of affection. Patton has learned in large part to Remus's efforts that touches are not a warning to impending punishment, or that they have to hurt. Remus gives swaddling hugs and cuddles that make you feel safe, and Patton has steadily become addicted to them.

Virgil though, he reminds Patton of his friend Valerie, how they were back in high school. In those days, Patton could forget for a while about home and the fear that waited for him there at the end of each day. When they were together, they could talk about anything they wanted, whether it be dreams or pep rallies or theater club or places they wanted to go. It brought peace of mind and Patton is forever grateful to her.

And now, Patton feels the same about Virgil. He hasn't described his feelings to him yet, not knowing if Virgil feels the same. Also, he doesn't know if he's allowed to have two best-friends. Valerie is still close in his heart, and they text or call most days. But now he's kind of doing the same thing with Virgil, and it feels so easy, and Virgil is so different than Valerie or Patton in the most wonderful way! What is he to do? This is untreked territory!

If a person can have two best friends, Patton would choose Virgil.

"I think that's it. Look forward for me," Virgil commands, sitting down the brush. Patton follows his instruction and Virgil leans from side to side to check the symmetry.

"I'm sure it looks wonderful," Patton insists. "You're really talented."

"Still not telling you."

A laugh tumbles out, care-free. "I wasn't trying that time! Promise! I really mean it, Virge."

"Well, I'm glad that you think that then."

Patton shakes his head. He has found that Virgil struggles when accepting compliments. It's not so...dissimilar from his own predicament. Patton hopes that helping Virgil may help himself one day. Besides, Virgil deserves all the compliments!

"Wanna take a look?" Virgil holds out a handheld mirror. Patton takes it and lets out a gust of breath at viewing the final product. "Wow, Virge. This is... This is just, wow."

Patton barely recognizes himself. The sockets of his eyes are caverns that stretch out into hatching lines, like shadowy pieces of hay. Stitch-work decorates his lips and travels farther than the corners of his mouth. And his cheeks appear concave with the shade of blush, very gaunt.

He looks like a spooky scarecrow!

"You like it?" Virgil asks hesitantly.

Patton sits down the mirror. "Like it? I love it! I could crow all day about it!"

Virgil groans, "What have I done?"

Patton can't wait to put on the rest of his scarecrow costume.

***

Virgil drives them back to the lair to meet up with Remus and so that he can change into his own costume. Patton jaunts into the apartment with a pep to his step, enjoying hearing his costume swish with the sound of hay.

Remus sits/lays on the couch upside down. He's wearing a full-body black and red spandex costume like a superhero but without a mask. There's no make up on his face, but the blood rushes to his face something fierce.

"Why are you guys walking on the ceiling?" Remus asks.

Virgil snorts and knocks him gently in the shoulder with a foot. "Why are you still sulking?"

"I'm not sulking. If anyone sulks, it's you, Incredible Sulk. Mother Sulker. King of the Sulks."

"Yeah, you're still sulking."

"You're sulking?" Patton asks. He kneels down on Remus's other side in concern.

Remus blows a raspberry at Virgil, but answers Patton. "No, I just said I'm not sulking. This is me, not sulking."

"I feel like we've said that word so much that it's not a word anymore," Virgil grimaces. At Patton's questioning look, Virgil explains, "Remus is mad because me and Janus vetoed his costume choice."

"Why? What's wrong with it? It looks fine on him."

"Not this one. He wanted to dress up as Woody from 'Toy Story'."

"Oh, what's wrong with that? That seems pretty wholesome."

"Two words: assless chaps."

"I... I... I'm afraid to ask what those are."

"Please don't. Please just stay pure."

Remus harrumphs to get the attention back on him. "I wanted to get to say 'There's a snake in my butt!' I had a snake prepared and everything!"

"Please, for the love of God, don't explain further than that. I'm gonna go get dressed now, so can you keep Patton company– without corrupting his mind?"

Remus glances over Patton in consideration. "But he looks so corruptible."

"Your funeral if Janus finds out," Virgil says and disappears down the hallway.

Patton remains sitting with Remus who seems unaware that his head is turning into a tomato. He's starting to resemble his costume.

Spurred on by his good mood, Patton initiates physical contact in hopes of comforting him. It's something he's been shy about and only managed with Remus so far, but he's getting better! He pats at Remus's arm.

"If it makes you feel any better, I like this costume. You look super cool."

"Yeah, I do," Remus agrees begrudgingly. "I still wanted to show off my ass, so Deadpool seemed like a good runner up. He's like, my spirit animal, you know? We're ass brothers."

Patton giggles at the zany train of thought. He laughs harder when Remus asks if he'd like a demonstration of how his butt looks in his costume. Remus springs up and strikes a hip-cocking pose, smacking his booty to make it jiggle.

"I know what you're thinking," Remus says, faux-serious. "But I assure you, this dump truck is all natural."

Patton hums thoughtfully, "Yeah, my butt's just filled with hay."

Patton isn't exactly sure why Remus lays on the ground crying with laughter for the next several minutes, but he's incredibly proud all the same.

Virgil walks out in a flowy witch costume complete with crooked pointy hat and buckled boots. When he finds Remus still cackling, he sighs and sweeps at him with his broom until the man can pull himself together.

***

The next step is to pick up Janus.

Patton sits jittery in the backseat of the car. He sings softly along to the radio to the few songs that sound familiar. Remus attempts several times to commandeer the radio only for Virgil to slap his hands every time.

"Driver picks music."

"Then let me drive!"

"Never in a thousand years."

And on they banter over the music. Virgil has always been the driver, and Patton has learned from context that Remus is not allowed to drive anything other than his motorcycle. Even then, the others refuse to ride on the motorcycle with him. Patton has considered riding again with Remus, not remembering much from that one night a couple of months ago when Remus picked him up. Remus has offered too, several times in fact, but Janus and Virgil seem to think it's a death sentence.

They're in the same maroon car as always. Patton thinks that it's Janus's car but Virgil is his designated driver. In the context of them being criminals, Patton has daydreamed Virgil in high-speed chases. But whenever Patton's in the car, Virgil never goes over the speed limit and stops at every red light.

Coming out of his musings, Patton glances out the window to see that they're cruising through a lovely suburban neighborhood. The car slows and pulls up to a one-story house, not overly large. The white garage and front door stand out against the cobalt blue siding. White trim and a white banister around the front porch. Black shingles interrupted by a chimney. A green line of bushes hedge around the side.

It's more unassuming than Patton would have imagined for someone like Janus.

A tall lady in a floor-length white dress and wide brimmed black hat exits the front door and clicks down the driveway in dangerously high pearly heels. Patton blinks and tightens his grip on his seat belt as the unknown woman opens the back door to slide into the car.

Remus wolf whistles. "How much would I have to pay for you to step on me?"

"Honey, I'm priceless," the lady says in Janus's voice.

Patton is suddenly extremely aware that this is not a lady but Janus in costume. His face burns scarlet, and he holds his cheeks in embarrassment.

Janus notices immediately and turns to him. "Everything alright, dear? Your costume is very cute, by the way. Very spooky."

"I didn't realize that was you!" Patton admits. He admires the delicate silk dress. It's long sleeved and Janus's usual yellow gloves are replaced with black fitted lace ones. There's a large black rose sewn into the collar off to one side. And Janus's makeup is pristine in pale foundation, false eyelashes, and fire truck red lipstick.

Janus smiles demurely. "I suppose that's the point of costumes."

"You look really good. I didn't think–" Patton cuts himself off before he says something terribly offensive. Janus cocks a fine eyebrow and sees through him anyway.

"You didn't think I would wear a dress?"

"I... yes? Maybe? I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven. I do tend to wear suits most of the time. I save drag for special occasions."

"There's never a wrong time to dress in drag," Virgil pipes up.

"What's drag?" Patton asks.

There's a moment where they all stare at him, making Patton fear that he said something stupid. But then Remus says, "Okay, we are so watching 'Ru Paul's Drag Race' when we get back home."

Janus gives the most gleeful grin that Patton has ever seen him wear. "Patton, darling, we are going to open up your whole world."

***

Outside the city limits, they reach a sprawling field of pumpkins. Dozens of parents and children and couples and groups of teens in costumes swarm around the pumpkin patch. A line of kiddos mill about at a face-painting booth. Another area offers apple bopping and horseshoe tosses. Further on, tables are set up with various fall themed baked goods for sale.

It's like an October fairytale, or a Halloween Hallmark movie.

"There's so many!" Patton exclaims, gazing out at the ocean of orange vegetables. His fingers press against the car window, and he can hardly drink in one sight before turning to the next.

When the car is put in park, Patton wastes no time in launching out of the car. The evening is crisp and smoke wafts in the wind. There must be a fire pit somewhere nearby. Patton jumps up and down, throwing his arms out wide.

Remus comes over to jump beside him, matching his energy. "Ready to smash some pumpkins, Pattycake?"

"Let's smash all the pumpkins!" Patton squeals, delirious in his excitement.

"But the farmers worked so hard for their bounty," Janus chides. "Maybe limit it to a handful?"

"An-ar-chy! An-ar-chy!" Virgil starts cheering, and well, Janus can't stop the rampant rebellion after that.

Janus watches the three of them run off together, shaking his head with a put-upon sigh. He's not going to spoil their spirits, but he sure as hell is not chasing after them in six-inch pumps through the grass.

A tugging at Janus's skirt pulls his attention downwards. Beside his legs, a little girl in a bumblebee costume gazes up at him imploringly.

"Do you know where the bathroom is?"

Someone save him.

Patton, Virgil, and Remus do not in fact destroy pumpkins. They purchase a few and carry them over to the carving station that's set up. Patton scrutinizes the carving knife, and Virgil takes the blade before he can reach for it and hacks his open for him.

"It's all stringy!" Patton gasps after the top is removed. He reaches in and grabs a handful of pumpkin mixed with pale seeds.

"Guts! Glorious guts everywhere!" Remus whoops as he tosses his pumpkin bits into the air to land back on him in a mess.

"Ay, watch it," Virgil snaps and leans out of the splash zone. Patton, feeling mischievous, picks up a clump of pumpkin and drapes it over Virgil's shoulder. Virgil notices immediately of course and gives him an unimpressed look. "Really, Pat?"

Patton giggles, "I'm just having a gourd time."

The pumpkins are emptied and the real carving can begin. Patton's is a mishappen silly face while Virgil forgoes a face at all. Instead, he works to shape a couple of bats flying over a haunted house. Remus gets halfway through his before Virgil spies what he's making and unceremoniously smashes his pumpkin.

"This is a family friendly event," Virgil warns him.

"Prude."

"I'm not letting you get us kicked out. Think of the child."

"What?" Patton pops his head up. "Where's Janus by the way?"

They eventually spot Janus whiling the time away sitting on a rectangular hay bale. There's a group of kids piled around him in a semi-circle on the ground, listening to him tell scary stories. People seem to be under the impression that he works for the event.

Remus goes to get another pumpkin. Not to carve but to play with the guts again. Patton finishes his carving and does another silly face on Remus's second pumpkin. Virgil finishes his work of art and Patton fawns over it so much that Virgil offers for him to keep it. He's a little startled by the strength of the hug Patton gives him.

***

Following the pumpkin patch, their next stop is a haunted house. It's not a legitimate haunted house, thankfully. It's an attraction where people pay to go through dark hallways and be jump scared by workers dressed in costumes. By the time they arrive, Patton is struck by one important detail.

"How dark do you think it is in there?" Patton asks.

They're standing in line to wait for their turn to enter. It's a popular place with no small budget. There are large pieces of ghosts and ghouls lit up by spotlights. Fog billows out from machines. A few workers dressed in costume walk out from behind curtains now and then to up the anticipation. Patrons who have already gone through come back around to line up again.

"I've never been to one myself," Janus admits, looking to the others for an answer.

Remus waves his hand sideways in the air, noncommittal, "Eh, mostly dark? It depends. In some areas, there can be flashing light or low light. Like a static-y TV or flickering bulbs."

"If it was pitch black, it'd be a tripping hazard," Virgil points out. "Plus, you wouldn't be able to see the monsters trying to scare you. Not that you'll see all of them. They'll try to scare you with sound too."

"Still feeling up to it?" Janus questions Patton. "There's no shame if you want to back out now."

"Are you just saying that because you want to wimp out?" Remus suggests with a smirk.

Janus scoffs, "I don't feel fear."

"You guys already bought the tickets though," Patton says hesitantly. Then, pulling himself up in his overalls, he huffs out air in determination. "Besides, this will be fun! I want to do this with you guys."

If he could sleep in his apartment with a nightlight, he could do this. And he would have the others with him. He could be brave, with them.

Janus scoops up his hand and a bit of the gusto flees him. In its place is warmth and stability.

"If it gets too much, just take my hand, alright?"

The warmth spreads to Patton's cheeks. He hums out a positive and smiles. He scoots a bit closer, and Janus doesn't release his hand so Patton doesn't either.

Remus shows the door attendant their online tickets from his phone, and they all get slapped with wristbands. There are last minute reminders, assurances that the workers are not allowed to touch them and warnings that some of the lights may cause seizures. Patton doesn't think he'll have a problem with the lights, and it's a huge relief that no strangers will be touching him.

In they go into the dark and Patton braces himself by gripping Janus's hand tighter. They bring up the rear with Remus and Virgil leading the pack.

There are whispered voices and random shouts from afar. A growl sounds behind them but when Patton twists around, there's nothing there.

The first major room they come to is not accessible. It's behind a rusty chain link fence. Patton can peek inside to see in the red glow of an exit sign that it's similar to a hospital scene. A lone wheelchair sits empty in the middle and slowly starts rolling about a foot on its own.

"The ghosts of patients' past," Remus murmurs.

Then a figure slams into the fence, causing them all to step back. It's a bloodied nurse, snarling at them.

"Oh, that's such a good costume!" Patton applauds, literally clapping. "The blood looks so real!"

"Thanksssss," the nurse hisses and crawls back down into her hiding spot.

"Not scared yet, Pat?" Virgil asks skeptically.

Patton grins. "This is fun! Let's keep going!"

Onward they walk through more hallways and find more rooms. There's a little living room area where a figure sits in front of a TV illuminated in static. Patton approaches to get a better look and the person comes alive. A zombie with a knife stuck in its chest jumps up and roars at Patton.

Peals of laughter escape Patton even as Janus flinches back. "Ahh, you got me good!"

And the next room features a torture chamber. A muscled person wearing an executioner's hood stands by a crude operating table with a half-covered body.

"Spin the wheel," a deep, gravelly voice beckons and the man points at a stained standing wheel. It features sections labeled as different body parts.

"Ooh, points for interactive," Virgil praises. "Waddya say, Pat? Wanna spin to win?"

"Can I?!" Patton exudes pure enthusiasm and bounces up beside the wheel.

"Aren't you a little too eager?" Janus cautions.

Remus shushes him. "Do your worst, Pattycake!"

Patton let's go of Janus's hand long enough to throw his weight into a spin. It ticks rapidly as it spins and spins until finally landing on HAND.

The executioner laughs menacingly and saws off a hand at the wrist. Red liquid spurts out and an echoing scream comes from all around them as if there are built in speakers. It's gruesome and Janus wrinkles his nose at it. Remus chuckles when the executioner takes the dismembered hand and waves it at them.

"I gotta hand it to these guys, they really go all out," Patton says as they continue down the hall.

"Hand, ha ha," Virgil mock laughs.

Patton lights up, "Oh! Oh! That was a pun, wasn't it? I made a pun!"

"Don't pretend that wasn't intentional."

"But it wasn't, I swear! Oh my goodness!" Patton giggles beside himself, so caught up in his own unexpected pun that he misses the scary ghost lady sneaking up behind them to screech in their ears.

Janus full on shrieks. He stumbles with Patton and backs them away, cursing while Patton is still giggling. The ghost lady cackles and drifts behind a curtain, gone from sight.

Remus and Virgil are doubled over themselves, and Patton realizes they are laughing at Janus.

"Oh my god, you're such a sissy!" Remus grabs onto Virgil to keep from falling over. "I'm gonna start calling you Hissy Sissy!"

Flustered, Janus deflects, "What are you talking about? That was Patton screaming, not me."

Virgil waves his hand at Patton. "Does he look scared in the slightest?"

Patton is in fact still grinning. "I'm just really happy to be here."

Remus claps a hand on Patton's back. "Who knew our little puffball would have balls of steel?"

Patton doesn't really. He's surrounded by friends in a haunted house full of people who worked really hard on their costumes and scare tactics and set designs. These are employees and devotees of Halloween who have come together in the spirit of the season. How could Patton find any of that scary?

The things he's truly afraid of, the real scary bits...he left that behind him.

***

END NOTES

Here are some fun facts about this chapter that I simply could not find a way to work in naturally but still wanted to share.

1. Patton's first costume idea was to dress up as Stitch from Lilo and Stitch. But when Virgil offered to do his makeup, they kind of spiraled into different ideas until Patton landed on scarecrow. If Patton instead went ahead as Stitch, Janus wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face and would have thoroughly gushed about how cute Patton is and fawn over him. Patton would have been overwhelmed by the affection influx and started bawling his eyes out. Shame that didn't happen. :)

2. Janus is dressed up as Lady Dimetrescu from the horror game Resident Evil 8. It's very similar vibes to Thomas's photo shoot of Janus in a dress.

3. There's a pumpkin carving contest at the pumpkin patch. Virgil wins second place.

4. At the pumpkin patch, Janus improvises all the scary stories he's telling the children. It's mostly cautionary tales against society. He's also lowkey distraught to be at the center of attention for so many impressionable youths and keeps glancing to the others for help the entire time, but the others are like, "Eh, he's fine. Totally in his element."

5. Remus introduced Patton to magical girls anime. He started with Madoka Magica. If you don't know, it's an anime that subverts the genre and a girl gets decapitated in one of the first episodes. Patton is appalled but keeps watching because he desperately wants for there to be a happy ending.

6. At the haunted house attraction, Patton ends up leading Janus by the hand, much to Janus's embarrassment. In the background, Virgil gets jump scared so hard by an employee that he accidentally socks them in the face. In a panic, he and Remus drag their unconscious body into a random chair so it looks like the poor person is part of the set design. They quickly walk away like nothing happened. Janus sees it happen, but distracts Patton so he's none the wiser.

7. They all go to waffle house afterwards for dinner. Remus takes pictures with a bunch of people who think he makes a great Deadpool. Virgil chugs down an entire milkshake on a dare. He regrets it later. Patton makes a smiley face out of his waffle pieces and bacon. Nobody comments on it, but it's really precious. Patton does it because he's remembering the pumpkin carving fondly.

8. Finally, they all go back to the lair, pile on the couch, and watch TV while binge-eating tons of candy. They shove piles of candy at Patton just to see him go wide eyed. When Patton protests, Virgil empties a whole bag by pouring it on him. They end up watching scary movies and save Ru Paul's for another day. When they do eventually get Patton to watch Ru Paul's, it is a very enlightening experience for him.

9. Patton passes out during the movie marathon. It's the first time that he spends the night outside of his apartment, and that boy is conked the fuck out in a sugar crash. Remus challenges himself to roll Patton up in a blanket burrito. Patton never wakes up, even when Remus picks his cocooned form up, holds him to his chest, and starts doing his best impression of Golem, "My precioussss."

10. And if you made it this far, you get to find out that while Remus is busy swaddling the baby, Janus and Virgil have a cryptic conversation about their boss. Patton never asked them why they broke into his apartment, but it doesn't matter. It's a waiting game, and they fear whether Patton will come out intact when the other shoe drops.

[thatonelesbianfander]

The Ghost and the Reaper Side Stories 1: Adoption

Fandom// Sanders Sides

TW// Crying, Abuse mention

Word count// 2187

Description// This a side story in The Ghost and the Reaper AU! In this story, Thomas adopts the twins.

Characters// Remus Sanders, Roman Sanders, C!Thomas Sanders

Pairings// None

AU// The Ghost and the Reaper AU

Author note// I am working on the afterstory for TGatR but for now take this fluffy side story of when Thomas adopted the twins

Masterpost

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thomas walked up to the front desk of the adoption center, starting to talk to the lady sitting at the desk.

”Hello. I’m here to visit to see if I want to adopt today,” Thomas said.

”Okay, did you fill out a form on the website?” the lady asked.

”Yeah,” Thomas replied.

”Name?” the lady asked.

”Thomas Sanders,” Thomas replied. The lady typed something out on her computer, bringing up Thomas’s form on the screen.

”Ah, found it! You are 25-years-old, correct?” the lady asked.

”Yes, that’s correct,” Thomas said.

”Okay. And what age range were you looking to adopt in?” the lady asked.

”I was thinking somewhere around 5-10,” Thomas said. The lady nodded, typing something out in her computer and printing out a list of names.

”Here’s a list of names of all the kids in that age range that are available for adoption. Feel free to look over the list and tell me which ones you would be interested in,” the lady said, handing Thomas the list. Thomas took the list from the lady, scanning the names.

”By the way, have you done a background check yet?” the lady asked.

”Yeah, they had me do the background check before I came in today,” Thomas said. The lady typed something down on her computer while Thomas looked at the list of names. Two names caught his attention.

”Excuse me, could you tell me a little bit more about these two?” Thomas asked, pointing at the names. The lady looked at the names Thomas pointed to.

”Ah, yes. That is Remus and Roman Kingstone. They’re twins, both 7-years-old. They were removed from their original family by CPS due to the family being abusive, so they do have a lot of trauma from that. Remus is also diagnosed with autism and doesn’t speak much. If you adopt one, you have to adopt the other as they are a pair. They are really nice sweet boys once you get to know them, though. We’ve had them here for a few months and they have been really well behaved,” the lady said.

”Could I meet them?” Thomas asked.

”Of course, just wait here so they can get ready to meet,” the lady said, walking off. Thomas sat down on a chair in the room, turning on his phone and scrolling. The lady came back a few minutes later, walking over to Thomas.

”Sir,” the lady said. Thomas looked up at her, turning off his phone.

”They are ready to meet whenever you are,” the lady said.

”Alright,” Thomas said, standing up.

”Follow me,” the lady said. Thomas followed the lady to a hallway of doors. The two walked down the hallway until they stopped at a door labeled “Remus and Roman Kingstone”.

The lady opened the door to the two boys sitting on their beds. One talked to the other while the other held a dusty gold plush bear. The two went silent, turning to the lady and Thomas as they stepped into the room.

”Hello, boys. This is Thomas. He’s here to visit you two,” the lady said. The one boy waved nervously, the other clutching his bear.

”I’ll let you three get to know each other,” the lady said, walking out of the room and closing the door. Thomas looked around the room, grabbing a chair and pulling it over to where the two boys sat. The boy with the bear got off the bed, walking over to the other boy and sitting next to him.

”Hi there. My name’s Thomas, what’s yours?” Thomas said in a soft tone, trying not to scare the boys.

”Roman… And this is Remus,” the one boy said, pointing to the boy with the bear plush.

”Well, do you want to tell me a little bit about yourselves?” Thomas asked, smiling softly. Roman perked up a little.

”Well, I really like Disney,” Roman said, smiling a little.

”That’s cool. Do you have a favorite character?” Thomas asked.

”I don’t really know… I like a lot of the characters…” Roman said.

”Okay. What about your brother?” Thomas asked. Roman looked over to Remus, Remus holding onto his arm.

”Remus doesn’t talk much… He’s kind of shy…” Roman said. Thomas looked at the boy, the boy looking back.

”Does he want to come over here?” Thomas asked. Roman and Remus looked at each other, Remus cautiously approaching Thomas. Thomas smiled, crouching down to Remus’s level. Remus looked at Thomas.

”Hey, there. Do you want to show me your bear?” Thomas asked. Remus looked down at his bear, holding it out to Thomas. Thomas smiled.

”What’s your bear’s name?” Thomas asked.

”Remus likes to call it Goldie… Our grandma gave it to him before she died…” Roman said.

”Well, I think that Goldie is very lovely,” Thomas said. Remus smiled a little, hugging Goldie. The lady came back into the room, the three looking at her.

”Hey. I’m sorry to intrude but visiting time is up, so if you’ll come with me to the front desk, we can work out a few paper things and you can choose if you’d like to visit anyone else,” the lady said. Thomas nodded, getting up and starting to walk over to the lady only to be stopped by someone clutching onto his leg. Thomas looked down, finding Remus holding his leg. Thomas frowned, crouching down.

”Remus, buddy… I’ve got to go now,” Thomas said. Remus looked up at Thomas, tears in his eyes. Thomas extended his arms out towards Remus, Remus immediately wrapping his arms around Thomas.

”Shh… It’s okay…” Thomas said as Remus sobbed quietly into Thomas’s chest. Thomas looked up to the lady, nodding to her. The lady nodded back.

”Okay, you two. Get your stuff ready, and meet me and Thomas at the front desk,” the lady said. The two perked up, Thomas smiling at them. They immediately rushed to get their stuff ready, Thomas and the lady walking to the front desk. Thomas filled out the paperwork as the twins rushed down the hallway. The two got to the front desk, Thomas looking up from the paperwork. He smiled, extending his arms out. The twins ran into Thomas’s arms, hugging him.

”Okay, sir. If you’ll just sign this one last thing, you can be on your way,” the lady said. Thomas grabbed the clipboard with the paper, taking out a pen and signing it. The lady smiled, taking the clipboard from Thomas. Thomas picked up Remus, holding Roman’s hand as the three walked out of the center and to Thomas’s car.

Th three got home, walking into Thomas’s house.

”Here we are. Your new home,” Thomas said. Roman and Remus looked around the house. The two looked at each other, both dropping their things and running off. Thomas smiled, going to the kitchen and making some lunch for the three of them. Thomas came out with the plates, setting them down on the dining room table.

”Boys! Time for lunch!” Thomas called out. He sat down at the table, waiting for the twins but the twins never came. Thomas got up, looking around the room confused. He walked out to the living room, grabbing the twins’ stuff from the floor and walking upstairs to the room he had gotten ready. He placed the twins’ things down in the room, looking around to find them not there.

”Boys?” Thomas called out, walking around the room and searching for them to find them nowhere. Thomas walked out of the room, going to his room and searching in there.

”Roman! Remus! Where are you two?” Thomas called out again, searching around his room. Thomas started to get really anxious. He went back downstairs, going back to the dining room to find Roman and Remus’s plates empty.

”Well… At least they’re eating…” Thomas said, walking over to his plate and starting to eat. Thomas finished his lunch, bringing all the plates to the kitchen and placing them in the sink, starting to clean them. He put the plates into the drying rack, looking around the kitchen to find the twins weren’t there.

”This is odd…” Thomas said. He walked out of the kitchen, grabbing his phone out and calling his one friend. His friend picked up the phone.

”Hey,” the friend said.

”Hey,’ Thomas responded, looking under the couch.

”What’s up, Thomas?” the friend asked.

”Well, you’ve worked with children with trauma before right?” Thomas asked.

”Well, I am a child psychologist so I would say that is true, yes. What’s up?” the friend asked.

”Well, I adopted these twins today,” Thomas said.

”Oh! Congratulations, man! I know how long you’ve wanted that so that’s great!” the friend said.

”Thank you,” Thomas said.

”So, what’s up with the twins?” the friend asked.

”Well, when I went to meet them they were at first really timid and then became really clingy after we had some time together, but then once we got home their whole demeanor changed…” Thomas replied.

”How so?” the friend asked.

”Well, once we got home, they dropped all their stuff and ran off. I thought they were just going to explore the place since it’s a new place to them, but I haven’t been able to find them since,” Thomas said, checking behind the TV stand.

”Hm… That is kind of weird… They haven’t left the house, right?” the friend asked.

”No… I just came downstairs from checking upstairs for them a few minutes ago, and they had eaten the food that I had left for them on the dining room table,” Thomas said.

”Hm… Did you check upstairs again?” the friend asked.

”That’s what I’m going to do,” Thomas replied, heading upstairs. Thomas searched the entire house with his friend on speaker phone, looking around to find nothing. Thomas walked back downstairs, still talking with his friend on speaker.

”This doesn’t make sense! How could they just disappear?” Thomas said, walking down the stairs.

”I don’t know, but-” the friend started before Thomas heard light crying. He looked around, finding Remus curled up in a ball in a corner between the couch and the wall.

”Remus?” Thomas asked. Remus looked up to Thomas, hiding his face in between his legs and curling up into a ball, crying.

”Hang on, I’ll call you back later,” Thomas said, hanging up the phone. Thomas walked down the stairs, walking over to Remus. He put his phone down on the coffee table, crouching down in front of Remus.

”Remus?” Thomas asked. Remus looked up at Thomas, terrified as tears streamed down his face. Thomas frowned, sitting down on the floor as Remus backed up against the wall.

”Remus… What’s wrong, buddy?” Thomas asked. Remus looked at Thomas, terrified. Thomas looked at Remus, seeing that he didn’t have his bear.

”Where did your bear go?” Thomas said. Remus looked at Thomas, starting to cry again. Thomas frowned, extending his arms out to Remus. Remus looked at Thomas, shaking as tears streamed down his face.

”Come here, buddy,” Thomas said, smiling softly at Remus. Remus cautiously moved closer to Thomas, wrapping his arms around him. Thomas hugged Remus back, Remus hiding his face in Thomas’s chest as he sobbed.

”Shhh… It’s okay… You’re safe… I got you…” Thomas said.

”Pa…” Remus said, looking at Thomas. Thomas looked back, his eyes wide. He smiled down at Remus, putting a hand to his cheek.

”Hi, buddy…” Thomas said. Remus leaned his head against Thomas’s hand, his tears starting to subside.

”Do you want to go find your bear?” Thomas asked. Remus nodded, wiping his face with his hands. Thomas picked Remus up, Remus nuzzling his face into Thomas’s shoulder. Thomas went back upstairs, walking into the room he had set up and setting Remus on the bed. He looked around the room, finding Remus’s bear sitting in the corner of the room. Thomas picked the bear up, noticing the one arm was ripped. He gave the bear to Remus, Remus holding the bear close. Thomas smiled, sitting next to the boy. Thomas looked around the room, seeing Roman in the one corner. Roman looked up at Thomas, Thomas smiling and patting the bed next to him. Roman walked over to the two, sitting next to Thomas. Roman leaned his head against Thomas’s side, Thomas wrapping his arm around the boy.

”It’s okay… You two are safe now… You don’t need to be scared anymore…” Thomas said, comforting the two. The two looked up to Thomas, Thomas holding the two close. The two closed their eyes, both moving closer to Thomas and falling asleep. Thomas looked down at the two boys, smiling as he moved back on the bed more, leaning against the wall with the two and falling asleep.

Masterpost

[golden-songbird]

since i love sanders sides and whump, here are the sides as whumpees, caretakers, or whumpers depending on which role i think they suit best!!

tw for mentions of catatonia, emotional abuse, physical torture, and extreme people pleasing.

roman: whumpee. roman is a golden child at heart, so he would do whatever it takes to please the whumper right away. he wouldn’t act weak or be a pushover, but he would try to be who he thinks the whumper wants him to be by going above and beyond on tasks and always doing things with a smile. but it wears on him, and as the torture gets worse, and roman realizes that his desire to please isn’t changing anything, he grows extremely distressed and his mind breaks into catatonia. he’s barely able to break out of it when he’s rescued, and he regularly falls into his appeasing habits, stuck in that desperate need to please people in order to avoid injury or pain.

patton: whumper. yep. i said it. it’s controversial but it’s just how i think it would work. patton would be the most terrifying whumper because he acts like the worlds sweetest little thing. nobody would even suspect that he tortures people and traumatizes them to the point of no return. his abuse would mostly be emotional, taking advantage of peoples phobias, convincing them that they’re worthless, or that they only deserve love and human decency when they’re perfect, obedient little pets. but i could also see him getting physical, and then hugging his whumpee and saying stuff like “i wish i didn’t have to do it, but you just make me”.

logan: whumpee. logan is a rules guy. as a whumpee, he would observe what gets him in trouble and what doesn’t, and mentally create rules for himself in order to stay safe. he doesn’t care about his wants or needs. just following the rules and staying alive. he’s not much of a reacter unless he’s getting extremely tortured, and whumpers make a game out of trying to get a reaction out of him. so logan learns the rule to react early to avoid further torture. when he’s rescued, he keeps his rules, just in case he needs them again.

janus: caretaker. ferociously protective over whumpees, more on the side of caring for whumpees than getting back at whumpers, but he has a very strong sense of justice. he’s the kind of caretaker who’s stern with most people, but is super gentle with whumpee, trying to play a sort of good cop role as he coaxes whumpee to eat more or get some sleep. he’s typically a secretive guy, but whumpees bring out the honesty in him as he tries to make himself seem more approachable and less scary to whumpees. he’s just a great guy.

virgil: caretaker. his approach is different from janus’ in the sense that he is absolutely a revenge person. if someone hurts his friends, then they’re in for it. virgil is also a bit more tough love than janus, and he’s not afraid of being the bad guy if something has to get done and nothing anybody else is doing for whumpee is working. his harshness can lead to bad things, but oftentimes, it’s necessary to really break whumpee out of bad habits. virgil also tends to lose sleep trying to care for whumpee and forget about taking care of himself, which is very bad. but he works on it.

remus: whumpee. he is the classic defiant whumpee, but it’s in a different way. he doesn’t act angry or “tough guy”, but he does pretend to be unbothered by torture. he puts on a front that he doesn’t care about anything, including his own well-being, and he’s really good at keeping it up, but inside, he’s terrified of his weaknesses being discovered and exploited. he doesn’t trust anybody after he’s rescued, ever really. the trauma sticks with him, and even after he’s rescued, he feels like he’s still there forever, always needing to pretend that he doesn’t care about anything at all.

[soysaucevictim]

One of these days, I will write the background around the Gymrat!Twins. How they got orphaned and how their lovely Tío Esteban became their guardian.

How both the twins were twice exceptional and queer.

How gifted [Remus's Deadname] was in "her" STEM classes. How "she" could work some very real magic with a toolbox and mechanical scraps. But that kid just didn't seem to understand "basic" things like impulse control, being polite/sweet like other "girls", and didn't seem to have the sense to take care of little things... like remembering to eat.

A lot of loaded compliments about having so much potential. No acknowledgement of Remus's identity (transmasc NB) or emotional needs. But Remus will always say he didn't get it as bad as Roman did...

Roman's challenges with keeping up with the other kids his age was quite real. Him and numbers never really worked out too well without a lot more mental strain to do more than very, very simple calculations in his head. He got a little better, finding mental shortcuts that worked for him - but Esteban only saw that Roman wasn't trying hard enough.

Only thing Roman really got right in Esteban's eyes was learning not to be rude (on accident) and act "normal".

Esteban didn't say anything about the kid's gifts for the arts. He was imaginative and extremely good at expressing that. How he built an encyclopedic knowledge of art movements and those that contributed to them, the techniques, the mediums, the tools, the principles... he sucked that up like a sponge. But toxic masculinity gotta be toxic masculinity. (It didn't help matters that he was gay.)