#adhd is not a superpower

[0verthinking1t]

It's all in the subtext: the conversation adults are actually having with young ADHD children

It's taken a loooong time for me to figure out how to put this into words right. I have always, always been mad about how childcare professionals and parents handle teaching ADHD kids coping skills. When you are 6, and a very nice teacher takes you aside for some calm down time, and coaches you on how to not be mad when other kids upset you or how to be a good listener to others, or how to compromise and do what someone else wants to instead, it never pops into your head for a second to question why, if your brain is the one that's sick, YOU have to be taught to understand and forgive everyone else for not being able to control it. It took me 28 years of life to figure out that the "skills" and "coping strategies" I was given to work with were all centered completely on not acting neurodivergent in front of others; on not letting my disability inconvenience everyone else. I want to share this hypothetical conversation from an ADHD 6 year old's perspective— my perspective, in hindsight. This is the subtext many adults and I were speaking in, that I never knew existed until years later after my own search for answers. It's the very deep, old root of a problem with many branches, from self-esteem issues, to communication breakdowns, to rejection sensitivity, and more. We are conditioned to expect bad things to happen when other people see our feelings. We are conditioned to believe we are being too clingy, too selfish, too rude, when we say what we feel. I can't tell a friend that I'm not having fun playing this game with him, because I feel guilty for not liking what he likes. I can't tell my boss that a broken shelf is stopping me from doing my job well, because I feel like I'm bothering her and complaining instead of finding a solution on my own. All of it starts from subtext like this.

Adult: Yelling and having a tantrum because someone else wants to share the crayons is not ok.

Me: but... Why

A: Because it's mean. The other kids are allowed to use them too. Think about their feelings first.

M: but I had a really urgent idea for a picture to draw, and I need them

A: That's ok, but you still have to share. Your drawing is not more important than that other kid's.

M: but.... It is tho? The picture is filling my head and won't go away. And last week you said I was bad because I wouldn't listen to you in class when I let something else fill up my head, so I have to get rid of it.

A: it's still not ok to scream tho. You need to use your words and tell the other kid that.

M: I did. He looked at me funny and said things filling up your head isn't real and I was making it up. He wouldn't listen to me, so I had to talk louder. Besides, I wasn't crying because I don't want to share with him. I was crying because I don't remember where I put the crayons when I can't see them, unless I put them down in the same place right next to me every time. I was crying because he kept taking them without asking and not putting them back in the specific spot I was keeping them. It made drawing my picture really hard to do, and I was really upset about that.

A: people don't just forget things when they don't look at them, that's wrong. you were actually just being picky about the crayons because you have a Picky Person Brain. Picky Person Brain kids always feel things wrong and get upset when they're not allowed to. You have to follow the special extra rules for Picky Brains, like simply letting people talk instead of you, and not being upset. I'm very mad you broke these rules.

M: I— I don't understand how to follow those rules??? Nobody told me there were extra rules just for me, that's not fair! You can't be mad at me for something you haven't explained yet!

A: I just did explain them, and they're special for you because everyone else already knows them and obeys them just fine. I don't think it's possible for you to to not know what all the other kids do; you're just being contrary on purpose!

M: no! .... Fine. What do you want me to do to make you happy again?

A: it's ok, Picky Brains can't help that they're hardwired differently than everyone else's. I just want you to pretend extra hard like you're not! It's easy!

M: sssooo it's my fault...... That I can't do things everyone else can....... And the right way to fix that...... Is to just. Make myself do them. And not fail, because that's also my fault. Just. Just let them take the crayons and hide them wherever they want and not say anything, because the worst thing I could ever possibly do to another person, is make someone else upset.

M: I give up on crayons forever then, since there's always a chance I could make someone upset by doing it wrong. And I'll stop saying what I actually need to say when I have feelings, because my feelings also make others upset. In fact, I think to be safe, I'm just going to say nice, fun things all the time for the rest of my life, so nobody can ever be mad at me again. I don't know fun ways to say "I'm hurt" or "I need something" or "I don't have the ability to do that" or "I don't like when you do that", so uuuhhhh..... That's fine! I'll just stay this far away from everyone every time something is wrong. They can't be upset with me if they can't see me be sad! Don't make people upset; yes, ok, I can do that. Problem solved!

A: ..... Yeah, exactly. Just don't be what you are. Picky Brain Rules are that you have to work extra hard to be super calm and emotionally mature about everything for the rest of your life; everyone else gets to feel and do however they want. Glad you get it now, kid— see, look how much I'm helping you fit in, and you can use the cool secret "just don't be mad" tip to be like everyone else whenever you want now!

Me: !!!— ....

A: good talk. We did something productive just now. I'm going to assume this conversation is over forever, and expect you to immediately change everything about yourself starting today. If you don't, I'm going to lose my patience and just send you straight to detention/time out/other punishment you won't understand.

[eatin-a-chicken-wing]

as someone with adhd i've always thought it was stupid when people with adhd were like "haha im so smart at stuff but bad at life1! my intelligence is so good but ive been nerfed!1! people with adhd are the smartest but most silly!1!!1"

you aren't smarter or more intelligent than other people. you just think differently, so sometimes you might find yourself more inclined to an academic skill/a skill you find interesting, as opposed to an organizational or life-skill ability.

Being good at organizing your house, space, and life is a SKILL and people who work on those end up with well-honed abilities. Those who are more talented in life skills than the projects you find interesting are not less intelligent--they're just as smart, but using their brain on something different.

[turns-out-its-adhd]

Did you kNoW?

Stimulants affect people with ADHD differently because our brains are not processing the naturally produced dopamine as effectively as a neurotypical brain would. The stimulant helps boost us to a 'normal' feeling level.

This is why when a neurotypical person takes ADHD medication they have extreme bursts of productivity and write their thesis in one night or I dunno remodel their house, while an ADHD person might just take them and be like 'Hooray I managed to wash my clothes and hang them up in the same day!'

Jokes on them though, because I can drink coffee at 11pm and sleep right after. Take that society.

[crazyw3irdo]

okay, i think any time anyone asks what superpower we’d like to have most everyone on this website would say shapeshifting but what kind of shapeshifting would you like

type 1- wild shape, you can turn into any animal, real or fictional

type 2- mystique, you can turn into any real person

type 3- cosplay, you can turn into any humanoid fictional character

type 4- jake the dog, you’re super stretchy

type 5- character creator, you can alter your own appearance- like changing voice hair length texture color, changing height and weight, transing gender, etc, but you can’t add anything non-human (ie horns, wings, claws, etc)

type 6- additional features, you can add things like snake eyes, horns, cat ears, tail, claws, wings, mermaid tail, but you remain humanoid overall and can’t change things like height or gender presentation or hair color. you can still change your voice tho

type 7- were-wolf, we all know what a werewolf is, lads. can be any kind of animal. can be straight up wolf or more monstrous wolf form that’s up to you.

type 8- furry, you just become your fursona. or any kind of fursona really you can change between them

type 9- antman, can become small or big

type 10- other, say what kind ya want

[4chtungb4by]

Tomothy Selleck for my drawing classssss sketchbook woohoo

[myfairkatiecat]

Psychologist really went “yes, adhd is what I would call this. But I don’t believe in labels so I’m just going to not diagnose you so colleges won’t have to know :) you can still come to therapy every week though so I can help you learn to turn your adhd into something good!”

[incorrectskyrimquotes]

idk how to really explain this but even the driest most 2 dimensional of characters can come to life if a fan author hyperfixates hard enough

[mightbeautistic]

i think the best example of my adhd sister versus my autistic self is when she was first given free reign to paint her bedroom, her four walls were hot pink, lime green, neon yellow and grape purple. when our mom asked me what I wanted i said "uh i don't know can you pick me out a warm-toned off-white? a light grey would be fine too"

[letsnotandsaywewantedto]

Everyone: How did you KNOW?

Travis: I was sitting in my office working, and suddenly it came to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[bambiraptorx]

Sometimes I wish I could turn my hearing off. The world is too loud where's the mute button

[allthebooksandcrannies]

It Has Arrived

It's so beautiful 😭😭😭

[innominaterifter]

The comments one person pointed out one interesting thing - a blind spot in my perception of people's reactions. This is really interesting, because this is not a constant blind spot: in some situations it is not there and I clearly predict human reactions to certain things; and in some situations it appears and distorts my forecasting.

And this is not an isolated case; such blind spots arise periodically in different situations.

I thought about why this happens and I have one hypothesis. As a neurodivergent person, I have no intuitive understanding of the possible reactions of average people to certain things.

Instead, I essentially had to memorize how people were likely to behave in a given situation. This was all unconscious, of course.

I remember now how I read books as a child and perceived the actions of the characters almost always with a certain surprise mixed with “Yeah, so this is how people react to such things... okay.”

(This is why I still get excited about books where I don't have to tell myself, "Don't freak out. Yes, these are illogical actions or strange actions for you, but that's what people do.")

Thus, I have developed the ability to predict the behavior of others and, accordingly, I can plan my actions in such a way that they will most likely lead to the reaction I need.

Practice shows that I can do this quite well.

At the same time, those situations where I do not engage in such planning often develop in a very surprising way for me.

Example: I absolutely accurately predicted the security guards' negative reaction to my roaches, but at the same time I expected that the convention participants would like them and was discouraged when this did not happen.

The planning approach requires a certain attitude towards the situation. Specifically, the use of masking, even if we are talking about thinking, some speculative situations.

As a result, I am always a little “outside” of the situation, there is always a feeling of an observer, and not a full-fledged participant.

In those cases when I don’t do this, but simply feel like myself and don’t try to disguise myself (or I do it much less, since many manifestations of masking are already so automatic that they are difficult to track), the accuracy of forecasts of the reactions of others drops significantly.

Another important thing is that I can afford not to use masking only in situations that I feel safe. A safe situation is largely about the expectation that I will be accepted by other people, the feeling that I am among my own people.

Often this feeling is deceiving. Just because two people have a commonality in a particular intersection does not mean that they have that commonality in others.

And as a result, when you stop or greatly reduce the level of disguise, it often turns out that you don't fit in enough. You too weird. Too unclear. Too different.

I fell into this trap in the sports section, in the tourist section, in the swimming section,

in the LGBT+ community, and now at dances, apparently the same thing is happening.

I think the same thing happened at the cosplay event. I planned my passage through security from the point of view of masking and the predictions turned out to be correct. I think the same thing happened at the cosplay event. I planned my passage through security from the point of view of masking and the predictions turned out to be correct.

But I automatically considered my participation in the convention as a get-together with “my people.”

And imagining how people would like insects, how interested they would be, I was as much myself as possible.

That's why I was wrong and why I was so surprised.

You know, it's similar to how superpowers work in the Worm. Power gives you an advantage, but at the same time, it takes something away from you. Also, the powers take shape based on some of the person’s vulnerabilities. Or they exploit these vulnerabilities, but in an unusual way.

I see a sad ironic parallel in the fact that my neurodiversity gives me the opportunity to more accurately predict the reactions of other people, but at the same time, the use of this “superpower” alienates me from people, does not allow me to feel the fullness of the moment, to feel myself in the flow of reality, and not watch him from the side.

And the more often I use this, the more difficult it is not to do this, since the result differs very much. If we continue the comparison with the flow, then in the second case you fully feel it, but you lose the opportunity to direct it or your movement in it in the right direction. Also, the more often you are in the role of an observer, the more difficult it is for you to refuse it.

(I took these photos this summer when I was visiting relatives)

[star4daisy]

nothing beats writing at dawn tell me why I spent the whole day trying to write and only managed 600 words but now in one or two hours I wrote more than 2k very thankful that I still get to stay up so late tho soon I won't be able to anymore 😢

Edit: 5k now I'm on a roll and it's already 6 am lol writing sleep deprived is like drunk writing it's either gonna be awesome or really shitty

[beautyinthediss0nance]

[ladiesandgentlehobbits]

Everyone who has ever written a dc/marvel crossover has ignored the obvious fact that Bart Allen and Peter Parker would be best friends

[ruthytwoshakes]

autismo