#again just to disclaim i am not saying no one should be upset with dream

[420pogpills]

As a Jewish person this whole thing has been horrible it way some dream fans ignored the anti semantics tweet from Kanye (which zach was mad about) to defended dream. I get being body shamed isn’t nice but login on to a website and seeing a creator like dream replying to a person like that is horrible doesn’t matter if it was a joke I don’t care.

Seeing the people then say it’s not that deep and what he had was worse like they clearly never had to worry about their life’s being threatened. I understand defending dream but in this case I can’t be bothered if the fan base will try and compare body shaming to someone threatening the life’s of Jewish people which zach rightfully mad about.

anon with all due respect, i think there's a couple of things you're choosing to ignore here. i'm assuming the other ask is also from you so i'm just going to respond to this one.

"I get being body shamed isn’t nice" i don't know how to tell you this but dream had someone make a threat against his LIFE severe enough that the fbi got involved. now not only is he less safe with his face being public knowledge, but he also had to deal with some of the worst cyberbullying i think i have ever seen in my life.

you get that body shaming isn't nice? you're right, it's not. but what dream experienced - and continues experiencing daily - is not body shaming. it's intense harassment from millions of people over the world, and most of it has nothing to do with his looks. and ANYONE who encourages that, as a joke or not, is part of the problem. regardless if you are hurt, regardless if you are upset - that does not give anyone the right to encourage someone else's suffering.

this isn't just about dream. this is about everyone. this is about the insanely fucked up and desensitised society that we live in, where people don't give a second thought to telling someone they are hideous, to telling them that they should die or hurt themselves, to posting their leaked private info, even while fully knowing any of those things can affect a person's life permanently. the internet is a place where people like to forget we're all fucking human.

i'm so sorry you're having to see the awful shit that has been said by disgusting people like kanye west. i am so sorry that even after all these years, you're still having to see people engaging in anti-semitism. i'm so sorry that you're hurting, i promise you i do not at all believe you're in any wrong to be upset. but PLEASE take a second to think about who genuinely deserves your anger. because is it dream, who made a mocking tweet to kanye west (in poor taste but he's human who makes as many mistakes as you and i do) who later made sure to clarify he does not support him? or is it kanye west? the people who publicly listen to, and stream his music, giving him the money and the platform that he has, while knowing the horrific things he has said? because you might even have friends who have his music on spotify or your local radio station might play his music when it releases.

i'm not saying you should not be upset at dream, because you are well within your right to be upset with him, be upset with the fanbase, be upset with the world for being what it is today. but please do not try to excuse the encouragement of abuse and harassment someone has experienced because you are hurting too. that's not going to help anyone, that's not going to change anything - but it will serve to continue making things worse.

[russilton]

I know authors have the right to write what they want and I'll never send hate to the author or anything but I am still mad at them for how they treated George and Gewis in fg. Needless to say I haven't read on since like chapter 30

I have sat and debated if I’m going to answer this ask all day, and I’ve finally decided I’m going to, but with extreme caution and the upfront disclaimer that it is *never* okay to send authors hate, or to attack them for something they wrote, no matter how it hurt you or how much you dislike it. It’s also not what I’m trying to do here and I hope it doesn’t come across that way.

With that being said, below the cut I’m going to mention FG spoilers and why its not personally the story for me and why I avoid discussing it, or engaging in any content related to it as a Britcedes fan. Again, with the heavy reminder that no author owes me a good time and if I’m not having fun its my job to move on.

While I’m going to be open and honest here about my feelings, I would never, ever, want the author to feel attacked or hurt because of MY feelings. They wrote a very emotional, complicated and detailed story, and part of why I felt so emotionally damaged when I came to the end of my time reading is because they did a very effective job building a love story I fell hook, line and sinker for. What I write here is half catharsis for myself to let go and half warning I just wish I had.

I am an emotive guy. Anyone who’s been around a while knows I feel things strongly and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some of it is having an emotional processing disorder (my brain is built in a way that can’t regulate emotions the way most can, that’s autism baby.), and a lot of it is just pure me and my personality. This is why I am careful about what I read and would rather spoil myself upfront for a fic so I can make the conscious choice about what I’m going to experience. I truly wish I had had the chance to do so before reading Fools Gold, because I would have chosen not to read it.

It is not my place to declare how things should and shouldn’t be tagged. Fandom is a society headed by no one, as it should be. An author is within every artistic right to chose their tagging to avoid spoiling their story, but when I began reading Fools Gold I was under the false assumption that it would be Britcedes endgame. Maybe it will be, for reasons that will become clear, I stopped where I did and felt reading further would just hurt myself.

I removed myself because I wasn’t having fun, thats what adults do.

I read up to around chapter 80 or so over the course of one week and reached the (spoilers going forward incase you missed the above tag) scene where George discovers Lewis has been using him (and the subsequent discovery of the betrayal involved). That is where my time reading ended because there was not a route forward that would make it okay again for me. (I do remember reading an additional chapter, hoping desperately it was a dream George had, that it wasn’t true. I wasn’t that lucky) At the time I felt so genuinely distraught and upset I ended up phoning my best friend at midnight so he could talk me off an emotional ledge. I had spent the week prior discussing this story with glee to my friend and also my partner. I was crafting a comment in a personal google doc to send to the author when I reached the most recent update. I had saved screenshots to my phone, I was planning to embark on fanart. I love story’s laden with detail and politics. I love to lose myself in a new world created by an author with existing characters. It had, until that point, been exactly what I wanted in a story.

In a moment, the rug was pulled from under my feet and a week of time and emotional dedication collapsed. That story illustrated why I never read stories involving infidelity. I felt as if I had been cheated on. The way George is betrayed by Lewis, I felt betrayed by the story. I was reading entirely for Britcedes and while I was invested in other areas of the story, it wasn’t what pulled me through. The love they were developing felt like a board to cling to when drifting at sea. And in a second, it was being pulled out of my hands and leaving jagged splinters in my palms.

I felt agonisingly hurt for a long time. Hurt for how they treated George, hurt for how Lewis turned poisonous and every interaction I had pinned to my heart was suddenly coated in tar and acid. I felt livid that I was apparently supposed to hate someone I loved so dearly. I grieved the future story built in my imagination that had been stamped out in front of my eyes. I couldn’t come to terms with the fact I had grown to love a lie. I hated my own feelings BECAUSE I feel so strongly about an authors right to write what they want, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be so upset. I suppose that should be a testament to the authors skill. Even if my reading ended that second, not even I can deny that they did in fact tell me a story, even if it was one I disliked.

The aching, childish parts of my heart wishes that one day an alternative version will come into existence with the moments I loved where Lewis and George kiss and ride off into the sunset together. I’m a hopeless romantic like that. Maybe it will or does go that way, and I’ve missed it because I couldn’t bring myself to go further with a story where Lewis used George so brutally I didn’t see a way back to good again. That is a choice I made for myself, and once again, isn’t the authors job to convince me.

However the reason I answered this ask at all is because I don’t want someone to go through what I did. Given the chance to forget everything I read, I would do so in a heartbeat. I wish someone had told me ‘this is not necessarily a story for Britcedes fans. This might not be a story for people who want them to end up together. This story isn’t for you.’. Maybe the warnings were available and I missed them. That’s on me.

Im not gonna become a hate blog for this fic. Nor do I want to become some kind of literary critic, because that sucks and I only ever discuss what I PERSONALLY like or dislike. I am not so selfish to think everyone else should like the same things I like. I think the best option for all involved is I go back to not talking about it, and write my own au’s. I suppose this is my one act of catharsis and a fair warning to anyone who might have been considering reading Fools gold for a Britcedes story. It might not be the story you are expecting it to be and this is my warning to guard your heart if you are like me. For some people this may be incentive to read and if so I TRUELY hope you enjoy your time. I know the effort and feelings the author must have put into their writing. Fanfic authors deserve readers who appreciate their craft. In the wake of my time with FG I started writing my own Britcedes works so I could have stories I wanted, because that is what we are meant to do when we dislike something. Either shut up or be the change you want to see.

I have never felt grief so strongly for a story, and I hope I wont again. But, I do not regret being someone who feels joy and pain so strongly for things perhaps considered trivial, for that is what it means to be alive.

[seakittens]

Some commentary that I might elaborate on later. I have seen a number of posts here and on Twitter emphasizing that KyoAni dropped the ball on canonized MH and pushing the claim that canonized MH was narratively set up. As well as tying all this back to the ongoing belief that Haru shouldn’t be a pro swimmer because it’s not his personality. I am going to right now provide the single biggest reason why MH was never going to be “canonized” as so many seem to have convinced themselves. 

Free! has never been their story. 

Even in High Speed, the movie where so much of the “definitely canon” MH beliefs were born, the story was still largely Haru dealing with the absence of Rin and reeling from the impact Rin made on his life. This is not me saying RH was going to get canonized either because it was pretty dang obvious throughout Free! that no ship was going to sail because $$$. But the fact that Free! has always been Rin and Haru’s story essentially makes the claim that canonized MH was narratively established to be unfounded. Because that relationship is not presented as a crucial component of the overall narrative and rarely, with the exception of the well-handled Eternal Summer maturation plot, drives Haru forward. Instead, the relationship has primarily been Haru’s support for the decisions he makes. Again, shipping is one thing but claiming canon and declaring no argument can be made against that statement is where I have to :/ a bit. (Disclaimer: I take no issue with people saying "Omg canon" and "omg married" since that's shipping. My concern is only the claim of narrative setup for canonization and lack of payoff.)

Adding to this is the ongoing aversion people have to Haru going pro and the perpetual misunderstanding of Haru’s issues with the professional world. Haru's issue with pro swimming has always been two things -- Fear of change and fear he's not good enough. He mostly conquered the first thanks to Rin but Albert pushed him back to second. It has never been innate discomfort with the idea. Haru pushes himself so much against Albert because he wants to prove to himself he belongs in this world he dreams of. And he does. He LIKES globe hopping. He likes seeing new sights, new pools, new challenges. 

I have seen people suggest that Haru should have become things that are never even established in the narrative and often connect Haru’s future to that of Makoto. Usually in ways that undermine Haru’s character growth and keep him stuck in the same stage essentially. 

I understand it’s confusing for some fans to see Haru grow from an introverted change-fearing boy to a man that pursues great sights. But again, that is the character journey established from as early as the High Speed novel. It is the reason Rin shakes up his life so dramatically. The intent is to completely alter Haru’s life course and push him toward realizing his full potential. Haru is *supposed* to change significantly. And Haru even tells Rin often after Eternal Summer *how* he’s impacted his life course. It’s not going to be as simple as young Haru pictured. And there’s going to be growing pains along the way. That’s just facts. But Haru also isn’t unhappy with the new direction, as he also tells Rin. He wants to keep seeing these sights. That is part of his drive now. No, it’s not early Haru. But it is fully developed character Haru. And just because it’s not the development some wanted for him does not mean it has not been narratively foreshadowed from the start.

KyoAni did, for sure, drop the ball on certain characters and arcs and I’ve discussed my issues with the dumb drama in Final Stroke Volume 2 and with the lack of proper focus on Haru’s growth in Dive to the Future, but that growth itself has always come from a well-established place. Being upset that the story continued the path it set up (especially if that upset is connected to the belief that a ship should have been canonized) is just kind of pointless. The basic fact is that the story has always been about Rin and Haru and was going to end, in some way, with Rin and Haru. And I will honestly never understand how this is still surprising or seemingly jarring to some when it has been repeated by creators time and time again. This has always been THEIR journey. Together. That’s why their relationship remains one of the few solid arcs that can be followed from start to finish, unlike many other Free! arcs. To that point, I welcome debate because I enjoy discussing narrative construct and intent.

To conclude this mini-ramble, I leave you with these critical non-spoiler Haru quotes that showcase his feelings about his character arc:

“Rin, I want to be like you too.” -- High Speed Starting Days

“Another three years until I become an ordinary person. I guess it couldn't hurt to wait a little longer...” -- Free! Season 1, Episode 1

"But then, Rin took took me with him and showed me all these different sights. I realized how big the world really is. And then, I found it... I want to swim in that world." -- Eternal Summer, Episode 13

"I was able to walk toward the future thanks to you." -- Take Your Marks

"Let's go find out what lies ahead of us. [Yeah, let's dive]... toward the future!" -- Road to World

"But the reason I have this feeling of wanting to fight right now is because you were there, Rin." -- Final Stroke Volume 1

[woodchoc-magnum]

L*ne St*r Hate Watch 3x18

Disclaimer: as usual, don't read if you love the show, have a great day

Eddie Diaz! To sustain us:

LAST EPISODE HERE WE GO

Also I'm spoiled for the thing at the end but pretty much nothing else

Let's see how they turn Judd's storyline into Owen's storyline

Okay so Judd isn't in the elevator when the building collapses, he's talking to the absolute douchebag CEO guy

I was momentarily horrified thinking that we were cutting to a shot of Owen in bed with Amy Acker's character, but it turns out it's Lisa Edelstein in a flashback

Ohhh it was a 9/11 flashback – for a second I thought they were actually going to do a CGI shot of the plane going into the building but thankfully they didn't

Also to age Rob Lowe down they had to smear Vaseline on the lens of the camera and make the shot as soft as possible

There's another mass in Owen's lung, hopefully he dies

TK is upset that Carlos was updating his will, proving once again that TK is a fucking moron

And then they got into a fight about it

TK thinks the only reason he survived both his near death experiences is because he doesn't have a will, proving twice in less than five minutes that TK is a fucking moron

Grace knows that Judd is in the building

But we instantly cut to Judd and he's OKAY

10 bucks says the CEO dude gets crushed/smushed at some point in this episode

I will say that ain't no one do building collapses like the OG

Okay I might be wrong about the CEO guy, he's now actually showing signs of humanity by helping Judd

Here I thought he was a soulless monster

All right so… it's like 8.21 in the morning and I am still waking up, and I decided to do this now because I wanted to get this damn show over and done with, so I'm pretty sluggish right now but… my brain literally just went, "oh that's why they did the 9/11 reference at the start, because of the building collapse, and now Owen's lung cancer is back and he's going to almost die in this building collapse and it's like a full circle thing"

So sometimes my brain just takes a little while to catch up, but after 16 minutes of the episode it just clicked in, so we should be good now

Owen just said there's probably some pockets of gas left in the building which is almost definitely foreshadowing

Like I know he's not going to die, obviously, but it'd be fun if he did

Owen's going in ALONE

Marjan and Paul are literally just stuck up a ladder together doing nothing

Judd's OUT

Look this is the only thing we fucking care about right

Owen is still inside

Come on building, COLLAPSE

DO US ALL A FAVOUR AND COLLAPSE

Where's Billy when you need him, you know he could make that shit happen

OH MY GOD THE GAS POCKET THING AND THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION RIGHT IN OWEN'S FACE AND THERE WAS ANOTHER COLLAPSE

TK is registering absolutely no emotion

Owen is unfortunately still alive, everyone booed

Getting "Owen trapped in a mine" vibes

Imagine if zombie Tim turned up, that would be amazing

Is it bad if I fast forward this

No I won't

So he's been rescuing this dude – and I don't know what's happened because I wasn't watching, but I think Owen's either hallucinating or unconscious, because he's having a flashback to 9/11 and a guy he couldn't save

He's now talking to this 9/11 ghost about his cancer

Look I know this is a heavy fucking topic but we've been here for over ten minutes and it's so boring

Now he's waking up in a hospital bed?

But I saw in the preview that they were carrying him out – no this is a dream, Lisa Edelstein's back

I mean granted they kill her off but damn do they still give her stuff to do

Oh my god you guys I cannot begin to tell you how fucking BORING THIS FUCKING EPISODE IS

I genuinely want to fast forward

Oh there's the flashback and Vaseline filter again

Okay they found him in the rubble and he's unfortunately still alive

Disappointing.

Oh my god there's a fucking CHOIR SINGING

GIVE ME A BREAK

Way to turn an episode that could've been about them rescuing Judd into thirty minutes of Owen's fucking trauma

I mean this could've been tense and so much better but instead we got Owen man pain AGAIN

EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. EPISODE. IS. OWEN. FUCKING. MAN. PAIN

Ugh TK's here kill me now

Ok so Owen didn't tell TK about the new spot on his lungs and TK is upset/worried, I guess? It's hard to tell, everything is in a monotone

Oh I think this is the big TK and Carlos scene

TK's ready to make his will omg!

TK just asked Carlos to marry him

Carlos instantly tries to talk him out of it

If I roll my eyes any harder I might do so some serious damage

He said yes omg wow amazing this is so beautiful wow you guys everything we've always hoped and dreamed of right?

I maintain that Carlos can do better

Judd's got screws in his leg – lawsuit 2.0? LS edition? Let's go!

Owen's going to make Judd the captain of the 126 when he finally retires/dies, whatever comes first (hopefully death)

Oh there's some kind of engagement party ugggh

How is there still five minutes to go

Wow Marjan has lines in this episode

Owen and Tommy are having a little meeting

Owen has a fungal infection in his lung, damn it

THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST EPISODE EVER, what an incredibly disappointing ending to an incredibly disappointing season of mediocre television

I hate Rob Lowe and everyone and everything

Hopefully they take another huge hiatus, I need a break

In conclusion, a total wasted possibility in a season of boring bullshit, Judd and Grace continue to be the only reason I'm still watching this show, I hate Owen more than anything and I don't give a shit about TK and Carlos

See you for Season 4

EDDIE DIAZ OUT:

[st0nesnglitter]

The boss

This man, this fucking man, will be the death of me

Also it’s the gifs fault this has taken so long cause I’ve just been staring at him

Also thanks to @quindolyn who helped me write a part of this so I could get it out

Disclaimer: This is just a piece of fiction and the abuse of this power balance isn’t acceptable.

Smut lol

The constant tapping of keys could make you mad sometimes, a pattering melody that indicated that time was passing during your work days. The job was simple. Check emails, answer the phone and keep track of his schedule. During the months of working for Mr. Black you had also developed a habit of ordering his lunch. In his top drawer he always had some crappy candy to keep him going, sometimes walking down to the floor below to get himself a coffee, and nothing more. So you asked him if he wanted a sandwich when you got back from your lunch break and kept doing it ever since.

The sound of buzzing pulled you from your thoughts and you looked down to press the intercom button.

“What do you need, sir?” You asked politely and looked over at the calendar to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything.

“Will you please get in here?” Sirius responded before dropping the conversation, keeping pleasantries short.

You stood up and straightened out your skirt before walking around your desk. Even though didn’t need to you gave the door a small knock before opening the door to his office.

“What can I help you with?” You asked sweetly and closed the door behind you.

Sirius sat behind his pitch black desk wearing just a dress shirt and slacks, his jacket descarded over the stiff sofa by the window. His hair was pulled into a bun that sat at the bottom of his neck, a couple curls had sprung free and framed his face.

“Can you look over these forms for me and then get them down to HR?” He asked holding a folder up toward you and you stepped forward to take it.

“Sure, should I make copies and get them back here or are HR filing them?” You asked as you flipped through the papers to get an understanding of what they were about.

“Tell them to file them, don’t want to put any more work load on you, love” he said and looked up with a smile, before turning back to his screen, “that’s all”.

You took the folder and walked out to your desk again, a little more flushed in the face than when you walked in. Before you took the job you had heard how the boss was harsh and pretty mean when he wanted to, but Sirius seemed to have taken a liking to you. He had only spoken kind words to you and had never made you worked overtime. In the mornings he always greeted you, sometimes staying to have a chat about the day ahead, and if he didn’t stay to work late into the night he always bid you goodbye.

Your thoughts started to wander into a daydream as you tried to read the forms he had given you, slowly drifting to some rather inappropriate thoughts to have about your boss. But how could you not when he looked like that? Eyes shining like the moon with such a depth that could make anyone lose their breath, hair silky and shiny that fell over his shoulders perfectly and the most blinding smile. How you got to see him so dressed everyday always made your mind wander to how he looked under his clothes. And his hands, oh his hands, were the most glorious things you’ve seen. The rings he wears, the way the veins pop out when he grips a pen and how he gestures to make his point clear always made you drool and your knees buckle. It always ended up with you thinking about how his hands would feel on you.

You shook your head to rid the thoughts and took a deep breath. After lazily reading through you walked three offices over to give them over to HR. The secretary behind the desk was unfamiliar to you and you greeted him with a smile, making some small talk before walking back to your desk.

The rest of your work day was uneventful. Talking with other companies over the phone, planning meetings and updating Sirius’ schedule over the next month.

Two men walked in for an afternoon meeting and you decided to take a little break, going down to the nearest cafe.

When the two men came back out you met them with a smile and the blonde one walked up to your desk.

”He wants you to in there” he said before giving you a quick nod.

You finished up the email you were writing and went into the office. Sirius sat behind his desk with his jaw clenched, fingers tapping against the wood of the table.

“What’s wrong Sir?” It was clear that something was wrong with Sirius, tension radiated off of him, if the physical signs weren’t clear enough.

“Close the door please,” he commanded with a stern tone and a slight unpleasant feeling washed over you as his irritation was now directed toward you. For the whole time you had worked for him he had never been harsh against you.

Closing the door behind you, making sure it latched, you walked further into his office and thoughts were flashing in your head. Is he going go fire you? Did something happen to the deal? Was it your fault?

“Did those men bother you?” He asked, his eyes holding yours with what seemed like a kindness hidden behind layers of despise and

You furrowed your brow in confusion, had you missed something? The only words they had uttered to you was about him wanting you in his office.

“No sir, is something the matter?” He was silent, “Did they agree to your proposal? Should I begin the paperwork?”

He scoffed, leaning back further in his chair, “I won’t be doing business with them. I’m sorry if you wasted your time with beginning the paperwork.”

“It’s fine, I didn’t start it but may I ask why not? It seemed like a promising partnership.”

Sirius sighed as he massaged the bridge of his nose, seemingly very upset over something. When he didn’t answer right away you opened your mouth to say some rushed apology if you overstepped some boundaries, but then his cool grey eyes shot up at you.

“They said some very unprofessional things about you and I don’t wanna validate their statements by going into a partnership with them”.

You were slightly taken aback by his statement: both relieved that you were not the one who explicitly did something but also even more stressed since he blew off a big deal because of you.

“Mr. Black, if I’m in some way am standing in the way of this deal I can stand back, work behind the scen-“ you started but got cut off by him standing up abruptly.

“You did not do anything wrong. They’re just sexist pigs who obviously never been in the presence of a gorgeous woman” he muttered out, dropping the professionalism and the proper words, shifting the energy in the room.

He turned around to look at you, the line in between his eyebrows softening and he slowly tilted his head.

“M’ sorry, didn’t mean to put this in you” Sirius put his hands in his back pockets and pulled his lips into a thin line.

“I’m just confused why you aren’t more upset about the deal” you said honestly, feeling comfortable to share your thoughts in the more casual conversation you had, “I’ve been planning sub-meetings for weeks”.

“They disrespected you! Said some shit about you being a trophy” he sighed and leaned against the front of his desk, “can’t stand stuff like that”.

Your eyebrows knitted together tighter and let your head fall into a shake as you huffed slightly.

“Don’t understand why I go higher than a multi million dollar deal”.

Sirius looked back up to you again and sighed, but not as frustrated anymore.

“You really don’t get it, huh?” He asked, mostly rhetorically, but was encouraged to continue when he saw your little shake, “you are ethereal. You have this magnetism to you and I’ve tried to stay away but it’s so fucking hard!”

You gasped slightly at his word and in a haze from his compliments you took two small steps forward, getting closer to him.

“Why don’t you try not staying away from me?” You asked in a quiet voice, almost like you didn’t want him to hear.

But, oh, did he hear you and he closed the gap in between you, soft lips grazing yours. He stopped his movements right before it became an actual kiss, savoring the moment before crashing into you.

The kiss went from slow and reassuringly to heated in a matter of minutes and you started to grip onto him harder, pulling him as close as possible. But as his kiss went down your neck you realized where you were and who you were doing this with.

“We.. we maybe shouldn’t do it here, in your office” you whimpered out, but your grip on him to get him closer, “you’re my boss”.

His lips kept attacking your neck, sucking and biting, and he huffed at your comment.

”We can stop if you want, just say the words” he challenged and nipped extra hard at your neck.

You shook your head violently and let out a gasp at the feeling of his teeth grazing your skin, right by your pulsepoint.

“You’re a teenage wet dream” he pulled away to look at you, his lips a little swollen, “the sexy secretary”. He punctuated his words by grabbing a handful of your ass.

Sirius’ lips went back to your neck but slower this time. The passion was still their but it felt like he made an attempt to savor it, to take his time. His hands gripped onto your hips to push you closer to him.

“Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to bend you over my desk?” He growled as he pulled off his tie, snapping you out of your shock and your hand went to help him with the buttons of his white shirt.

His movements were harsh but you were always comfortable, he kept pulling away for eye-contact to make sure you weren’t regretting anything. And in your frenzy of pulling at the fabrics around his body your brushed against the package in his pants and his whole self tensed up. At first the placement of your movements and his reaction didn’t connect, but when it clicked you laughed breathlessly and started to palm his softly.

“Did that feel good, Mr. Black?” You asked as innocently as you could when you stood there with your skirt hiked up, red marks all over your neck and with your hand on your boss’ bulge.

“Oh you little minx” he growled before reaching for the buttons of your blouse.

Slowly the black fabric of your bra started showing and he let his forehead fall onto your shoulder, letting out a low groan, before taking in the view that was your chest. His eyes raked over your figure and a mix between a giddy smile and a mischievous smirk found its way onto his lips.

“You’re gorgeous, and all for me, huh?” He asked as his bottom lip got caught under his teeth.

You backed up so you could rest your butt against his desk, pushing his shirt off of his shoulders. Sirius’ hands found their way to the back of your skirt, fiddling with the zipper until he felt the nod of your head, pulling it down so you could step out of the garment.

When he got a glance of the black fabric of your panties that matched the bra he let his head fall back. You weren’t ashamed to admit that a chunk if your paycheck went to pretty underwear, one of your favorite ways of self-care.

He started undoing his pants as he watched you, eyes slightly glazed, and with his full attention on your body you felt a surge of confidence and your hands went behind your back to unclasp your bra. You let it fall to the ground, next to the rest of your clothes, and you smiled proudly at him.

“You’re gonna be the death of me” he muttered as he grabbed onto you again, kicking his pants of off him, “gotta be quick, love, and I promise to make it up to you”.

Sirius hooked two fingers under the waistband of your underwear and slid them down your legs, kissing his way back up. Somehow he had pulled down his boxers too and your eyes went down to see the most glorious dick you’ve ever seen. Instinctively you went down to grab it but he caught you.

“Can’t right now darling, gotta be inside you right now or I might combust” he grabbed onto your hips and placed you firmly on the desk.

With your legs spread he had easy access to slowly push into you, eyes trained on yours to detect any discomfort. Your breath hitched as you felt him stretch you out, dragging a hand through his raven hair.

“Fuckin’ hell, you feel so good” he let his head once again fall against your shoulder as he slowly brought his hips away from you, feeling every intricate detail of your inner walls.

The lazy pace didn’t last long though as his hips started to snap into yours, a rush flowing through his veins to make you feel as good as possible. You wrapped your legs around him and hooked your feet at small of your back.

“Harder Sirius, please” you whined, slightly embarrassed that he had made you so desperate so quickly, but the pleasure that resulted in your command let those thoughts fall out of your head quickly.

The sound in his office was downright filthy as you both moaned out loud, skin slapping against each other. Even though you were at a considerably public place that didn’t stop the noises that he pulled out of you.

“Fuck you’re so big, sir” you didn’t mean to utter the title in that moment, your need to be professional hardwired into you, and you felt Sirius slow down slightly.

“Say that again” he demanded.

“Yo-you’re so big... sir” you mewled out and his eyes scrunched together.

The speed that his hips were moving most have been close to speed of light, your body moving around like a ragdoll on the furniture. A pressure was forming in your lower stomach and an urgent need for release filled you. Your hand went down to rub at your clit but he swatted it away to do it himself.

“Are you getting close?” He breathed out, his thumb moving deliciously over your bundle of nerves.

The combination of stimulation got you so close that you couldn’t even utter the words before crashing over the edge. The way you squeezed him got him there too, filling you up with warm ropes of cum.

The two of you stood there for a while, foreheads pressed together, and basked in this new form of intimacy. Sirius slowly moved to pull out of you and let out a puff of laugh as he looked down at his clock.

“Seems like I might have kept you in the office after hours” Sirius smiled brightly at you and you shook your head with a giggle.

“Fine by me if that’s the work I do after hours.”

[warriorsbutnotreally]

Why Squirrelflight And Finleap Are NOT The Same - Discussion

I have a lot of opinions on this, do bare with me

because I can say now

if you put Squirrelflight asking Bramblestar about kits on the same level as Finleap pressuring Twigbranch

Assume I don't like you

Unless you have a legitimate reason to compare a domestic abuse victim to someone who was actively manipulating his mate to consider having his babies so that he felt 'like he could stay with her', I don't care what you have to say

Because there's a big difference and it's a little thing called context and power dynamics

That being said

disclaimer that I am aro/ace, so this is coming from the lens of someone who doesn't understand romance but knows a bad situation when I see one

///

tw; mentions of abuse and manipulation

Let's start with Finleap

As apprentices he has a cute friendship with Twigbranch and it's implied the two like each other as a little more than friends, though Twig doesn't seem ready for that commitment just yet

We first see the topic of kits come up in this conversation.

“I know.” Finleap spoke softly. “It’s scary having so much responsibility. And these are our first apprentices. But it’s okay for us to make mistakes and it’s okay for them to make mistakes. We’re learning together.” “But I’m supposed to know what to do.” A lump sat in Twigbranch’s throat like a stone. “Why?” Finleap wove around her and stopped as he caught her eye. “You’re a great warrior, Twigbranch. And you’re kind. You don’t have to stop being kind just because you’re a mentor. Trust your instincts. Push Flypaw when she needs pushing, but encourage her too. You must know how good a little encouragement can feel when you’re facing something new and difficult.” There was warmth in his gaze that touched Twigbranch’s heart. He really cared whether she’d be a good mentor. He wanted her to succeed. She purred and touched her nose to his. “Besides,” he went on, “mentoring will teach us patience. Imagine what good parents we’ll be when we have kits.” When we have kits! Twigbranch pulled away. Finleap’s gaze was misty. Was he really thinking about having kits already? They weren’t even mates yet. Twigbranch wasn’t ready to be tied to the nursery. She was barely ready to think about having a mate. She changed the subject. “Let’s check the border.” She didn’t want to hurt Finleap’s feelings. “Flypaw! Snappaw! This way!” she called to the apprentices, scanning the bracken until they appeared, then turned and headed along the trail toward ShadowClan’s border.

It's important to note the obvious negative reaction she has, even outside of her own thoughts. She was perfect fine with touching him until kits are mentioned. She's also quick to change the topic.

It's also implied here and in a couple other places that they hadn't even had this conversation before, as it's sprung onto her without any warning.

And if you don't believe me, consider this paragraph -

His confidence soothed her. He seemed so sure of himself. Even when he’d been pulling Puddleshine free, he’d known he could do it. He was sure they’d be mates too and that they’d have kits one day. And the thought didn’t scare him. Anxiety wormed beneath Twigbranch’s pelt. Then why does it scare me?

Twigbranch isn't ready for kits and the fact Finleap is shows that they're not seeing eye to eye on the issue. He's confident he wants to be a father, but she's not sure she wants to be a mother just yet.

He wants her to be on the same page, even if she isn't ready.

“I like it here, but I don’t feel like I belong.” Finleap glanced at his paws. “Which is why I want to start a family. Here, in ThunderClan. Then I’ll feel part of the Clan. I’ll feel like I have something here that is truly my own. I want to have kits.” “Kits?” Twigbranch’s mouth was so dry, she could hardly speak. Finleap watched her, his gaze expectant. “But you know how I feel about kits,” Twigbranch blurted. “I’m not ready. I want to concentrate on mentoring. I’ve told you all this.” “I know.” Finleap held her gaze. “But I need you to think about it again. I have to feel I belong here—that you want me. If you don’t ever want to have kits with me, I’m not sure I’ll ever feel at home in ThunderClan.”

"If you don’t ever want to have kits with me, I’m not sure I’ll ever feel at home in ThunderClan."

That's a really shitty thing to say to someone especially your bestfriend / girlfriend

"I'm worthless here unless you give up part of your young adult life to providing me with children"

This isn't even a Fernsong situation where he offers to live in the nursery when she's able to go back out. No. He wants her in the nursery with her kits.

.

Next time we see these two

.

She glanced at Finleap, wishing he would say something encouraging. “I’m glad Bramblestar picked us. What if it’s the last chance I get to see Violetshine and Hawkwing?” Please tell me everything will be okay. “I thought kin wasn’t important.” There was bitterness in his mew. Twigbranch flinched. Since he’d told her he wanted to have kits, Finleap had been distant. She always seemed to be the one to start conversations, while he only replied in short, vague phrases. Her heart ached, but what could she do? Promise to be his mate? Give up mentoring Flypaw so that she could have his kits? Anger pricked at her belly. He was pressuring her into something she didn’t want yet. But she loved him, and she could understand that he was acting out of unhappiness. If only he could find his place in ThunderClan. She’d planned to keep stalling—refusing to give him a straight answer—to give him time to adjust. But what if SkyClan left? It would force him to make a decision. Clan or kin? She changed the subject. “I hope Reedclaw has recovered from her cough.” Finleap didn’t respond.

Now Finleap is giving her the cold shoulder, being such a piss-ant about her not wanting kits that he's not even willing to comfort her when both their families might be being chased away.

And moments later

Twigbranch was unnerved. Sparkpelt had been her mentor. Had she always wished SkyClan would leave? Why didn’t I realize? “Do you think the other Clans feel the same way?” Finleap shrugged. “If they do, then SkyClan will have to leave.” Her mouth grew dry. Hearing Finleap say those words out loud made her realize that she hadn’t truly thought it was possible until now. But he was right—SkyClan would have no choice but to leave if none of the Clans were on their side. “I really might never see Hawkwing and Violetshine again.” Finleap didn’t speak. Didn’t he care? “Will you go back with them?” She stared at him, her heart pounding. “I don’t know.” He avoided her gaze. Was she going to lose her kin and her love at the same time? What would be left if they went? Feeling sick, Twigbranch followed her Clanmates to the tree-bridge.

Not only does he voice her fears out loud, but he doesn't deny that he'd stay with her if she isn't with him. This is a manipulation tactic and a very shitty and terrible one that that for him to use again the girl he allegedly loves.

.

At the end of the gathering -

“SkyClan!” Leafstar called to her Clanmates from the long grass. Harrybrook and Macgyver hurried after her. “We must go,” Hawkwing mewed huskily. He turned away. Twigbranch gazed frantically at Violetshine. “Is this the last time I’ll see you?” “I don’t know.” Violetshine touched her muzzle to Twigbranch’s. Her breath was warm in the chilly night air. “It’s up to Leafstar now.” “Good-bye.” Twigbranch could hardly speak. Her throat tightened as Violetshine pulled away and headed after Hawkwing. As she turned back to her Clanmates, she saw Finleap. He was watching Plumwillow and Sandynose disappear into the grass. She hurried to his side. “Did you say good-bye?” He didn’t answer. The sorrow in his gaze pierced her heart. “Are you planning to go with them if they leave?” She felt numb. He stared at her. “I love you, Twigbranch. But if you don’t want to have kits, I should go with my kin. At least I’ll be somewhere I belong, instead of chasing a dream that might never come true.”

His wording is honestly just terrible.

His dream with Twigbranch is only to have children with her. He may say he loves her, yeah, but according to himself, he's willing to leave her forever just because she's isn't committed to the idea of having babies with him.

I want to say this now

If someone you like is willing to ditch you because you don't want to raise a family, be it at the moment or ever? Leave them. They're not worth it.

You shouldn't feel obligated to have a family with someone.

.

After SkyClan leaves, Finleap decides to stay in ThunderClan.

Of course, his pity party isn't over.

In the days since SkyClan had left, Finleap had seemed uneasy. They’d talked after the Gathering and he’d decided to stay in ThunderClan. Twigbranch had been relieved. Of course Finleap was upset at losing his kin, and at first she’d tried to be supportive, but it was like he was clinging to the loss. He’d started to act as though he’d made the wrong choice. He’d begun to eat alone and go to his nest early instead of sharing tongues with the Clan. He was acting like an outsider. Frustration itched beneath Twigbranch’s pelt, growing stronger each day. How could Finleap ever feel like part of ThunderClan if he didn’t try to fit in? At least he’d stopped talking about having kits. Had he really accepted that they wouldn’t have kits until they were both ready? Twigbranch wasn’t sure the matter was settled. Part of her wondered if Finleap wished he’d left with SkyClan after all.

This is where communication between the two is an issue.

Of course Finleap is going to be upset that his family is, as far as he knows, gone forever.

However

He never once clarifies that he's only upset about his kin to Twigbranch, his girlfriend, making his breakdown seem torn between missing his family and not liking the idea that the girl he likes isn't ready to have babies yet.

Not only that, Twigbranch has a huge point here.

Finleap claims kits will make him feel like he belongs in ThunderClan. However, outside of Twig and the idea of kits, he hasn't done much to try to bond with anyone in the Clan. Even outside of the conversation about kits, he mostly interacts with his apprentice unless he's out helping someone.

He's not focused on making friends, or being a great ThunderClan warrior. His only focus is having a family with Twigbranch and nothing else.

Granted we don't see his POV, but we do his actions and what he says to the cats he apparently cares about.

Her talk with Tree expresses more of her concerns with her relationship while they're out trying to find SkyClan.

Twigbranch followed his gaze. “I can’t imagine having kits,” she mewed guiltily. “Finleap wants to already, but I’m not ready to give up being a warrior.” “You don’t have to give it up,” Tree reminded her. “Queens only stay in the nursery until their kits are weaned, don’t they?” “I guess.” Was she being selfish, wanting to focus on herself? “But I don’t want to worry about that yet. I like being a mentor. I’m learning so much every day.” “You’re young,” he mewed gently. “There’s no rush.”

For the first time she's being told that it's okay that she doesn't need to feel ready and that there's nothing wrong with taking her time on deciding what she wants.

Of course this leads to-

“Well done!” As Twigbranch purred admiringly, she saw Finleap padding toward them. He was carrying a bedraggled sparrow. It was skinny and looked more like crow-food than fresh- kill. He stopped beside Flypaw and laid it on the ground. “I was thinking that we could share this . . .” He eyed the fat rabbit lying, half-eaten, between Twigbranch and Tree. “But I guess you don’t need it.” Anger hardened his mew. Twigbranch shifted uncomfortably. “I didn’t realize you were bringing me food. Tree just offered and I was hungry.” Finleap wasn’t listening. He was still staring at the rabbit. “I guess he knows where the best prey lives. This used to be his home. It’s easy to hunt when you know the territory.” Tree stared at Finleap coldly. “I could catch a rabbit anywhere.” “Did you used to catch rabbits to impress Violetshine?” Finleap mewed pointedly. “Or have you forgotten Violetshine?”

Immediately he's jealous of Tree because he was thoughtful enough to share a rabbit. And Warriors has shown us that there's nothing inherently romantic about sharing prey. It happens all the time and not specifically between mates or two courting cats.

It's a common social interaction between Clan cats.

But Finleap's acting like he caught them sharing a nest.

Tree had been hard on him, but Finleap had picked the fight. She couldn���t help feeling sorry for him, even though he was acting like a fox-heart. She hurried across the cave. Finleap was sniffing at the bedding, his pelt bristling. “Oh, so you can tear yourself away from Tree?” Twigbranch blinked at him. “What are you talking about? Tree loves Violetshine!” He glanced at her angrily and padded out of the cave.

He accuses her of liking Tree and when she denies, he walks away.

She chases after him and then this argument goes down

He stopped as he reached a swath of heather and turned on her. “I bet you don’t even want to find SkyClan! You’re probably happy to see Violetshine gone now that you’ve made Tree notice you.” Shock froze Twigbranch. “Do you have you bees in your brain?” She stared at him. “How could you say something like that? I would never betray my sister. And I’d never make Tree try to notice me. I told you! He’s just a friend. And he wouldn’t do that to Violetshine, either!” “You haven’t left his side since we left camp,” Finleap snarled. “I’m leading the patrol, and he knows the way!” Twigbranch snapped. “Every time I look at you, your muzzle’s in his ear.” “We were just talking! I’ve got to talk to some cat. Ever since SkyClan left the forest, I feel like I can’t talk to you.” Grief pressed in her belly. “I don’t know why you stayed with me. You’ve made it pretty clear that you wish you’d left with SkyClan.” “I stayed because I love you!" Finleap spat. “You’ve hardly looked at me. If that’s love, I don’t want it!” She lashed her tail. “You don’t know what love is!” He glared at her accusingly. “Of course I do!” Why was he being so mean? “I love you!” “Not enough to have my kits.” She stared at him, wind tugging at her fur. “Is that it? If I won’t have your kits, you don’t want me?” “I want you to love me enough to have kits.” Hurt sharpened his gaze.

Again what he's doing here is shitty and he's being jealous of another tom talking to his girlfriend, despite this tom just being a friend, all because he's being nice to her

Not a good sign

And, of course, the apology just sucks. It comes out of nowhere and it doesn't feel like he earned the right to be forgiven

he hurt Twigbranch, made her doubt what she wanted, and treated her like shit

`“But I thought you loved me.” He sounded surprised. “You told Violetshine you loved me very much.” “I do,” she mewed softly. “But not enough to have your kits. Not now. Maybe not ever.” Finleap glanced at his paws. “Let’s forget about kits, huh?” She blinked in surprise. “Forget?” “I was wrong, Twigbranch. Seeing SkyClan again made me realize . . . however much I love my kin, I love you more. I don’t want you to have kits if you don’t want to. I can live without them. But I can’t live without you.” Twigbranch stared at him. “Do you mean that?” “Yes.” Finleap’s eyes shimmered with love. “I’ve been so wrapped up in feeling hurt, I didn’t realize how much I was hurting you—or how much I was hurting our relationship.”

Now, not every character needs a grand realization

But

I don't think just a simple "I'm sorry" makes up for how he made her feel and the harm he did to their relationship and the fact it took this long for him to realize that his girlfriend his her own cat and not just a kit-making factory.

And this is one part of a very long story

.

.

.

Now let's talk about Squirrelflight

Specifically Squirrelflight's Hope, but I will also make references to Omen Of The Stars, as that's when her worse breakup with Brambleclaw/star happened where

may I remind you

he ignored her and treated her like garbage for many moons and when he thought there was a chance she might die was when he finally decided to make amends for her horrible crime of

*checks notes*

protecting her sister's kits from a system that punishes not only halfClan kittens, but the kits of medicine cats

"but she lied" I hear you cry

and to that I say

and?

Bramblestar lied about much worse things than where three kits came from and, may I remind you, he trained in cat hell with his very obviously evil dad who he had been judged for being the son of.

And cats lie in Warriors all the time and it's very rare that they're punished for it

and no, saying you find her annoying also doesn't justify anything

The punishment doesn't match the 'crime' here.

So

Let's get into Squirrelflight's Hope

.

The first time kits are brought up is by Bramblestar, him talking about it in a negative light.

... She didn’t feel old yet, but it had been a long time since she’d felt the rush of excitement she used to feel in her first moons as a warrior, whenever she was picked to go on patrol or attend a Gathering. She pressed closer to Bramblestar. “Do you miss being young?” He shrugged. “I miss being irresponsible. Back then, the only thing we had to worry about was our next hunt. That was before we became leader and deputy, and before we had kits to look after.”

Obviously, Squirrelflight doesn't agree there

Squirrelflight felt a pang of longing. Sparkpelt and Alderheart were grown, and she’d never had a chance to know their littermates, Juniperkit and Dandelionkit, who had died. She’d been hoping to have a new litter by now—tiny kits to nurture and love. But they’d had no luck. “Having kits didn’t make me feel old. I liked the responsibility. It’ll be good to feel that way again.” She glanced hopefully at Bramblestar. When he didn’t comment, she prompted him. “Don’t you think?” “Of course.” He didn’t look at her. Anxiety prickled beneath her pelt. She’d wanted him to sound more enthusiastic about kits. “Let’s pretend we’re young again now. It’s almost like we’re sneaking out of camp.” Squirrelflight kept her mew light. “Half the Clan are already in their nests, and the rest will be asleep by the time we get home.” “I wish we could.” Was that a sigh in Bramblestar’s mew? “But we can’t be late for the meeting. And we have to go straight back to camp afterward; Birchfall and Lionblaze will be waiting to find out what happened.”

It's important to note now that Squirrelflight wants to feel young and wants to feel important, something that she doesn't feel now as an older molly.

Things have been serious lately and she wants to lighten the mood, but this is brushed off by Bramblestar.

It should be noted that the leaders - and not Squirrelflight - are talking about how their Clans need territory because they have expecting queens. Squirrelflight has an internal reaction, yes, but doesn't say anything.

Bramblestar's also being a hardass here and Squirrelflight does have a good idea, but he's quick to make her feel bad about it.

“Might be.” Bramblestar’s tail twitched angrily. “Or it might be overrun with snakes, or dogs, or foxes. Warriors might die thanks to your idea.”

There was no sign the gathering was leader only. If it was, why bring non-leaders? And everyone had been having an open discussion about possible ideas.

But Bramblestar shames Squirrelflight for trying to be helpful.

And of course, we start reaching this scene

“But we’d all have bigger territories if SkyClan moved.” Squirrelflight hurried after him. “And you heard Harestar and Leafstar. The Clans are growing. There’ll be more kits by newleaf, more mouths to feed, more apprentices to train—” “More kits!” Bramblestar lashed his tail. “Is that all you think about now?”

She's not talking about her own kits. She's literally referencing something previously brought up by two other Clan leaders. However, Bramblestar turns this against her, lashing out about an already dead conversation that didn't last.

A conversation that he had brought up both the first time and this time.

His words stung like claw marks. She watched him disappear into the grass, her chest tightening. “Don’t you think about it?” She pushed after him, but he was already hurrying ahead. He was on the tree-bridge by the time she caught up to him. She followed him over it and jumped onto the far shore. She fell in beside Bramblestar, breathless as she tried to keep up. “Don’t you think about kits, Bramblestar?” “I have kits,” he snapped. “Alderheart and Sparkpelt? They’re grown up now!” “I know!” Bramblestar didn’t look at her. “They’re old enough to look after themselves. Why are you so desperate to be responsible for new lives? Isn’t being deputy enough?” “It should be, but it’s not.” Squirrelflight felt panic welling. “I’m getting older with each season. One day I won’t be able to have more kits. I just want another litter before it’s too late.”

Not only did he run off after bring this conversation back, but he continues to shame Squirrelflight after he stops running, implying that she's not content being deputy.

She's worried because she's scared that she's getting older.

The fear of growing older is a common fear and brushing it off as someone being irrational isn't fair to the person.

and to get to the scene where she's "like Finleap" according to those people out there with pebbles instead of brains.

“I know.” Bramblestar sounded weary. “And of course I want kits. Just not as much as you do.” Squirrelflight stopped and stared after him. “Don’t you love me anymore?”

She's not asking this to guilt trip or manipulate. We'd be seeing signs of that way before this question.

Instead this is given the context of being asked in desperation.

I remind you that Bramblestar had spent an entire arc being harsh and cold to her, making her feel small, and he had been making her feel small again, berating her and having her question her ideas.

He's being a piece of shit and she's scared that this is going to turn into all those moons of OotS again.

Even if she was trying to, the power dynamic isn't in her favor. Not only is he older than her, having been made a warrior before she was even born, he's the leader. He has 9 long lives ahead of him.

As shown here she's painfully aware of it, too

Bramblestar turned, his eyes sparking with exasperation. “Yes! But I am responsible for our Clan. And if the other Clans are planning to start up more trouble with SkyClan, I need to focus on that. I don’t have as much energy as I used to. I’m getting older too.” “No, you’re not!” Anger flared in Squirrelflight’s chest. “You have more lives than me—” She broke off as a realization washed over her like ice water. Was that why he didn’t care about kits? He had plenty of time to have kits in the future, maybe even with another mate, when she was dead. The thought made her feel sick. Bramblestar’s next litter might have a mother who wasn’t her. She stared at him, unable to speak.

She doesn't put it past Bramblestar to move on after she's gone, despite his older age and that was also proof in Bramblestar's Storm, where he was actively interested in courting Jessy.

Her fears here are valid. Not only is she older, but she only has one life to live. He doesn't.

And he's perfectly in the right to not want anymore kits

However, his attitude and behavior to his mate is absolutely terrible and instead of talking to her, he's belittling her and making her feel bad for wanting things.

And for having different opinions at that

His gaze shimmered suddenly as though he saw her pain. “I’m sorry.” He hurried to her side and pressed his muzzle against her cheek. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I was angry. I felt you weren’t on my side at the meeting. I was trying to protect SkyClan.” “So was I!” She pulled away indignantly. “I was trying to find a solution that would keep the peace.” “Maybe you’re right. But that isn’t the point. You’re my deputy.” His tail twitched. “You’re supposed to back me up in front of the other Clans. We need to look united. You know how quickly Tigerstar smells weakness, and how he exploits it.”

Then why make her deputy again?

“And you did the ShadowClan border patrol.” Squirrelflight’s tail-tip was twitching, though she kept her voice low. “And yesterday you trekked all the way over to RiverClan and risked your life rescuing that kittypet.” “So?” Bramblestar began to feel frustrated. “I’m fine. It’s not a problem.” “It’ll be a problem for the rest of us if our Clan leader collapses from exhaustion.” Bramblestar heaved a long sigh. “Remind me why I chose you to be my deputy,” he muttered through his teeth. “Because I won’t let you boss me around,” Squirrelflight retorted, her green eyes flashing. True, Bramblestar thought ruefully.

Oh yeah, cause he doesn't want a yes-man deputy

Or maybe he wants a deputy who only challenges him when it's convenient and/or doesn't make him look like an idiot.

Which is kinda

not great

“It looks a lot like weakness when a deputy disagrees with her leader in public.” Bramblestar shifted his paws. “You should know better! You should have discussed your idea with me in private and we could have taken it to the other Clans together.” “It might have been too late by then.” Squirrelflight paused. She didn’t want to argue. And besides, the issue with SkyClan wasn’t what was worrying her now. “I’m sorry I spoke up without talking to you first. But is that really why you said you don’t want to have kits?” Bramblestar gazed at her, his eyes round. “I’m sorry if I made it sound that way. I do want to have kits with you.” “Really?” Her heart lifted. “Yes. If that’s what you want.” Squirrelflight stared at him. There was resignation in his eyes. Grief twisted her belly as he stared back at her blankly. She turned away. I want you to want it too.

Here's where the argument that Squirrelflight, in any way, is equal to Finleap falls apart the most.

She doesn't need to be told that he doesn't feel the same.

She can see it in the way he acts.

She knows he doesn't and she lets the conversation die. Yes, she still thinks about how Bramblestar may move on and have a new litter after she's gone, but she doesn't talk about it, instead keeping her thoughts to herself, not wanting to rock their unstable relationship any more than it has been.

Most of this book has Squirrelflight second guessing what she wants and believing that maybe she was in the wrong for talking openly about a possible idea when everyone else had been doing it.

There's literally a scene where she's having what, in my opinion, feels similar to the start of a near panic attack where her thoughts spiral into a dark pit

But it hadn’t been just the kits he’d been upset about. She’d contradicted him in front of the others. But they were close to fighting! Squirrelflight flicked her tail indignantly. And I have a right to my own opinion. Her plan for SkyClan could be the perfect solution. She couldn’t have held her tongue even if she’d wanted to. Bramblestar had implied that a good deputy would have kept quiet. She shook out her pelt. Was that what Bramblestar thought—that she wasn’t a good deputy? Hurt sharpened its claws on her heart once again. She closed her eyes. Chasing thoughts like this wasn’t going to help her feel better.

The way Bramblestar spoke to her struck so deep that Squirrelflight feels selfish for having her own wants, as seen by her talking to her sister.

Squirrelflight let out her breath. Never mind the awkwardness—Leafpool will understand. And she needed reassurance. “He said he doesn’t want more kits as much as I do.” Leafpool’s eyes rounded with sympathy. “Oh, Squirrelflight.” Squirrelflight nodded. “I know. It’s—” Selfish of me, she was about to say. Because I’ve already mothered two litters. But Leafpool didn’t let her finish. “That must have hurt,” Leafpool said softly, dipping her head. “I know how much you want another litter.” “Bramblestar says he’s getting old and that the Clan is enough responsibility.” She trailed into silence, the memory of the argument stinging her afresh. “I’m sure he’d love kits if you had them,” Leafpool mewed. “But I can see how he finds the thought overwhelming.” Squirrelflight blinked at her. “Do you think I’m being unreasonable, wanting more kits? I know I . . .” “No, of course not. But you already have Alderheart and Sparkpelt. And, in a way, Jayfeather and Lionblaze.” Squirrelflight nodded, but her heart ached. “They don’t need me anymore.”

The power dynamic between Bramblestar and Squirrelflight aren't fair and, again, he's in his right to not want any more kits right now

but the way he spoke and made her feel like her wanting kits at all was terrible and that she should feel bad isn't the way to handle a relationship where two people have two different wants

And for more proof that Bramblestar doesn't make his deputy, who is also his mate, feel important

we have this line

And as far as kits went . . . Leafpool didn’t understand what it felt like not to be needed. Leafpool was needed every day. The Clan depended on her, sometimes for their lives. It was different for Squirrelflight. Even as deputy, she was just one warrior among many.

She's made to feel like another warrior, a replaceable cog in a machine, when Bramblestar had never been made to feel like that while he was deputy

In fact, in Squirrelflight's own words

"Who does Brambleclaw think he is, treating me like I'm still wet behind the ears? Toms are so much trouble! You don't know how lucky you are, Leafpool, not having to worry about things like that. Well I know there was Crowfeather..."

After becoming deputy his confidence and ego went up and he made it known that he wasn't just another cat

He was ThunderClan's deputy

But he never allows his mate to feel like that

In fact, he actively puts her down

He starts making up rules just to keep her in place and lashing out when she tries to fight back. Even when Squirrelflight is trying to be happy that Sparkpelt is expecting kits, Bramblestar brings up their conversation.

Yes, Squirrelflight did feel a little envious, she felt guilty about feeling that way and just wanted to be happy for her daughter

but he was the one who brought up how she wanted kits and he didn't, further making her feel shameful

he didn't even aid in comforting his daughter when her pregnancy brought pain after he sparked the fight with Squirrelflight. He was just watching as Squirrelflight helped their daughter, Squilf being the one to talk to her gently when she was worried about the intense craps she was feeling

When Sunrise, one of the Sisters, is actively dying, he refuses to allow anyone to help her until the medicine cats talk to StarClan and when they get an unclear message, he's more than willing to let her die

When Leafpool refuses to allow this, he actively challenges the medicine cat in front of the entire Clan and Squirrelflight snaps to her sister's defense once more.

Squirrelflight held her ground. “I have to do what I think is right.” “Even if it costs you your Clan?” “ThunderClan is stronger than that,” Squirrelflight spat. “At least I hope it is. If our future depends on letting a cat die, then it’s not the Clan I thought it was.” Bramblestar stared at her. Uncertainty glittered in his gaze. “Why are you doing this to me?” His words pierced her heart. “You’re my deputy. You’re my mate. You’re supposed to support me.” “Being a good deputy doesn’t mean blindly following orders.” Squirrelflight didn’t move. “It means standing up for what I believe, and this time, I believe I’m right.” The camp seemed to swim around her. She knew she was hurting him. But she had to convince him. As the Clan watched her silently, their eyes round in the moonlight, Bramblestar backed away.

Bramblestar tries to manipulate her and that's where the big power dynamic comes in

he's the leader

he's older

he had gone out of his way many times to make her feel small and weak compared to him, even imposing reckless rules just to try to keep her where he wants her

he wants to use her emotions against her

and when she refuses to let him hurt her more

he strikes her with more sharp and hurtful words

Around him, the Clan got to their paws. Mousewhisker and Twigbranch helped Tempest and Hawk lift Sunrise. Leafpool nosed her way into the medicine den. Bramblestar narrowed his eyes, his face like stone. Squirrelflight tried to drag her gaze from his, her heart cracking as he curled his lip. “StarClan wanted unity among the Clans,” he snarled. “Thanks to you, there’s not even unity in ThunderClan anymore.”

“Thanks to you, there’s not even unity in ThunderClan anymore.”

because she didn't want an needless death, he blames her for the discourse he created

this is only a portion of the Squirrelflight mistreatment in this book, but it's all that I'm going to mention since it deals with the topic at hand

and of course we know she decides she doesn't need more kits after all

but what I want to say is

these two stories aren't even

Finleap is manipulative and tries to make Twigbranch feel like she needs to have his kits to prove she loves him or to keep him around

Squirrelflight wants to have more kits, but is made to feel like her needs are selfish and that she should feel bad for these feelings

Twig and Bramble are valid for not wanting kits just as much as Fin and Squirrel are valid for wanting them

However, Finleap isn't in the right for pressuring his girlfriend to marry him and have kittens when she isn't ready

and Bramblestar isn't in the right for shaming his mate for wanting more kits and making a scene out of their relationship problems

and before any incels find this

their genders wouldn't matter in this

if Finleap was a she-cat harassing the tom she liked to have kits with her to make her feel like she belonged in a Clan, I'd still feel the same way

if Squirrelflight was a tom who wanted more kits, but his female leader mate berated him and made him to feel guilty for wanting that, I'd feel the same

it's not about toms and she-cats, men and women, or whatever terrible black and white gender binary lens you're looking through

it's about two different types of shitty mates in two different situations

those being Finleap and Bramblestar and their manipulation of Twigbranch and Squirrelflight respectively.

[werenotadulting]

Routine Procedure pt. 2 & 3

(Hello friends. Before we continue, a disclaimer. This story is intended for mature, 18+, kink-friendly audiences. This post contains sexual content.

This story may seem, uh, pretty fucked up. The product that caused Mike's incontinence is purely fictional, but the story can still seem plausible within the realm of reality. Which makes the actions of the characters....well, pretty fucked up. I don't want to spoil the story, but I will leave with this.

Aren't we all, in our own way, a little fucked up?

I'd woken up as we turned onto our street.

"Hey sweetie. We're almost home."

"Huh, wh-...where are we?" I blinked a couple times, my eyes adjusting to the light.

She took my hand in hers. "You're in the car, on the way home from the hospital. There's something I need to-"

Suddenly I was wide awake.

"Oh man, I had the weirdest dream. I was in recovery and all the sudden the doctor is going on about how something went wrong, which is crazy, right? Like it was the easiest of surgeries, so it's not like something could ever go wrong."

Kate just stared straight ahead as she pulled into our driveway.

"Let's talk inside."

────────

"You have to remember to check it every couple of hours, Mike. I can do it for you if want me to."

I glared at her.

"Jesus Kate, don't you think I know that? It's bad enough I have to wear this stupid thing, but you don't have to keep reminding me like I'm some kind of child!"

Was I overreacting? Maybe. Did I have every right to be upset about what I'd woken up to in the hospital? Absolutely. Did Kate deserve me taking my anger out on her?

No. She didn't.

I took a deep breath, counting to ten in my head.

"Okay, listen. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you, I just...I feel like my life just got turned upside down. You're only trying to help and....I'm sorry," I finished lamely.

Kate, noticing my shirt had become tucked into the back of my pull-up, pulled it out.

"I understand, Mike," Kate said, looking at me with sympathy. "You didn't ask for this, plus that whole thing with the clause in the paperwork. There's not much we can do but move on and learn to cope." She stood up, smiling at me. "But on the brightside, no medical bills, plus they're offering to cover the cost of whatever supplies you need. I'm going to be here every step of the way, helping you out however you need it."

Despite her positive outlook, I wasn't swayed. "Oh, sure, great." I laid the sarcasm on thick. "I get to spend the rest of my life peeing myself. The brightside is oh so blinding."

"It was a really long day, babe," Kate said, hushing my attitude and moving behind me as she started to rub my shoulders. "What do you say you take a couple of those sleeping pills, zonk out for the night, and see what kind of fresh perspective tomorrow brings, huh?"

Sleep did sound like the only brief respite I was going to get from this hell.

"If you'd like, I can check you during the night to see if it need changed. That way you can just sleep and not have to worry."

"Umm no, it's fine. I just put it on, so it should last me overnight. You'd probably only wake me up anyway. Thank you though," I said, giving her a small smile. "I'm glad at least one of us is handling this well."

────────

It wasn't until around midnight that Mike finally got comfortable enough to sleep. As Kate looked in on him, she could see that he was still a little restless, tossing and turning as if having a bad dream.

For a brief second she had second thoughts, but quickly shoved them aside. No, she wanted this. Mike needed this. She had waited so long. It was for the best. She looked down on him lovingly.

"Sleep well, my sweet boy. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be just as interesting as today was."

Even when he took sleeping pills, Mike was notoriously a restless sleeper. And she may or may not have poked a couple holes in the pull-up. Mike didn't bother to check, and why should he?

After all, accidents happen.

----------------------

Part 3

Cold.

The first thing that hit me was how cold I was.

That didn't make any sense. I'm in bed, I shouldn't be cold. I grabbed the covers to push them back and immediately realized why I was cold.

The bed, the sheets, the comforter, all of them, were wet.

"Shit."

I saw then why the bed had gotten wet. No. Soaked.

Tossing and turning in my sleep, the pull-up, I presume, had not stayed in place. Meaning the bed had gotten soaked. Meaning I had gotten soaked. Hence...

"Shit."

Kate walked out of the bathroom, her hair wrapped in a towel with a second around her body.

"Hey babe. I had to get up to get cleaned off, because I was covered in...well, yeah. Are you okay?"

I got up and began balling up the sheets and bedspread. "Oh I'm just peachy. I pissed all over myself like a baby last night, so that was fun. I also will continue to piss all over myself no matter what I do, and I'll be stuck doing laundry every day for the rest of my life!"

I threw the bedding on the floor in disgust. Kate took my arm, tenderly, and stopped my tantrum.

"Hey, listen. Strip down, and go take a shower. Take that stupid thing off, get out the loofah, and scrub. I don't want you coming out until you're good and relaxed, you hear me? I'll wash the sheets." As she was saying this, Kate was already moving to take the mattress protector off of the bed.

"No, Kate, stop. You don't have to-"

"Get. In. The. Shower."

"But..."

"NOW!" I can only describe the look she was giving me as domineering. I'd never seen her like this. "Don't make me ask again."

Sheepishly, I began to disrobe.

Kate's voice returned to its normal, caring tone. "Once you're all washed up, meet me in the living room, please. I want to talk to you about something."

────────

Kate was sitting on the couch when I walked out. She pat the cushion next to her, indicating she wanted me to sit down.

"Mike, sweetie. I want you to listen to me without interrupting, okay? And please remember that all I'm saying comes from a place of love and wanting you to be happy," Kate said, her big hazel eyes looking at me imploringly.

"Umm...okay, sure yeah. What's up?" I sat down next to her.

"First, I wanted to reiterate that I understand how frustrated you must be right now. But I don't want to be the target of your outbursts. It's not fair." She paused, looking at me, and I just nodded that I understood.

"Second, I think we both can see that the whole pull-up thing isn't working. I don't want another surprise like last night." Here she stopped again, turning to grab something from behind the couch. She pulled a plastic package out and set it on her lap.

"The hospital gave us these to try if the... if we wanted to try something different," she said, pulling a white rectangle out of the package. It made a rustling sound as she grabbed it.

"Is that a....I am not wearing a diaper!"

"Mike, please, stop. Just listen. You said you wouldn't interrupt." She moved the package back to the floor, keeping the diaper on her lap.

"I'm just asking you to try, for both my sake and yours. Please?"

She didn't continue, so I took that as my cue that I could speak, but I didn't know what to say. I sat in silence, thinking, for what felt like hours.

She had a point. I had slept terribly, which was likely to make me even more irritable. But on the other hand, could I really stand to go through the embarrassment of wearing a diaper? Although I suppose it is preferable to having wet pants. I couldn't imagine the humiliation I would feel if I were to leak all over myself in public.

Finally, I broke the silence.

"I've....I've never had to put on or change a diaper before..." I said finally, hanging my head.

Kate perked up, that smile I loved hinting on her lips.

"I can help with that, babe. Just at first, until you get the hang of it. And if they don't work, we will move on to the next thing, okay?"

"Are you sure d-diapers are the best option?" I had to struggle to get the word out. "How do you know they will help?" I said, unable to take my eyes off of the plastic object on her lap.

"For one, pull-ups are pretty much already diapers. We'd just be changing them even more often."

She picked up the diaper and stood up, pulling me by the hand.

"Second, judging by the fact that I'm going to have to clean that couch cushion, I'd say we need to at least try something."

────────

"Lift up so I can slide this under you."

I obliged, holding my butt up in the air as I lay on the freshly cleaned sheets. I tried to look anywhere but at Kate.

Kate unfolded the diaper, fluffing it slightly. She positioned the diaper under me and I lowered down onto it.

"You know, this doesn't have to be all bad," she said, as she picked up a bottle of baby powder. Why did we even have baby powder? Where did that come from?

"Oh, really? Explain to me what about having my girlfriend change me into a diaper isn't all bad." I continued to stare pointedly at the ceiling.

"For starters," she said, dusting powder on my groin, "there's this." Suddenly, she reached down and began slowly stroking my cock.

"Whuuuuu-oah boy. Um just w-what do you think you're doing?"

"I'm rubbing in the powder, clearly," she said, and I finally looked to see that devilish grin back on her face. "You don't seem to be protesting that...hard," she giggled. "I figured since I'm down here, I might as well make myself useful." Without further preamble, she lowered her mouth and took me inside of it.

"That's..uhhh....o-okay...." I trailed off, lost in a mix of confusion and pleasure. It wasn't long before I was finished, and Kate was sitting back up. She wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and swallowed.

"Wow, you must have enjoyed that, I don't think you've ever cum so quicky."

I was too stunned to speak. My gaze had returned to the ceiling, but I wasn't focused on anything.

Kate started to move again, and I heard that crinkling sound. She pulled the diaper up and taped it snugly in place, securing me into the first of what would soon become my all-too-familiar thick and crinkly underwear.

"So tell me, Mike," she said, patting the front of the diaper as she looked over her handiwork, "was that all bad?"

[haikyu-boys-am-i-right]

Comforting Oikawa after he injured his knee

Character: Oikawa

Set in: second year

Warnings: mild swearing (one curse word is used)

Word Count: 1,344

Reblogs, comments, and likes are appreciated but please do not repost my works.

Requested: No

Disclaimer: I do not own haikyuu or any of the characters

———————————————————————

Yn became the manager of the aoba johsai volleyball club during her first year at the school and that is where she met the one and only great setter that all of the girls seemed to love, Tooru Oikawa.

She was kind and quiet and she always tried her best when it came to something that the volleyball club needed and Oikawa couldn’t help but notice her because of that and even though she didn’t go out for her way to make him notice her she somehow caught his eye and maybe that was the main reason why he started to fall for her.

“Oikawa San we need to make a date for the next game” Yn says as she walks up to him before practice starts one day. “Tooru” he says without missing a beat. “What” she asks confused. “Call me tooru I find all that Oikawa stuff is way too formal when it comes to people I know well yn Chan” he says with a wink. “Okay”, she says with a small smile as a light blush dusts across her cheeks that makes his heart skip a beat. “Well then tooru let’s get to work”.

There was one thing that worried Oikawa and that was that Yn would often come to the club meetings with some sort of an injury a lot of the time but she never told anyone the real reason behind the injuries. “I’m just seriously clumsy” yn would say anytime anyone would ask her what happened in order to brush them off. It happened often enough that Oikawa started to not believe that same excuse.

“Hey I want to meet your parents sometime” Oikawa says out for the blue one day to yn as they are sat together while they eat their lunch. Yn chokes on her water. “What” she asks, confused. “Tooru why would you want to meet them we aren’t dating or anything”. “Well I want to make sure they are treating you right Yn chan”. “What” she says looking a bit bewildered. “They treat me great, what’s with this all of a sudden”? Tooru’s face turns red in embarrassment as he tries to get to the point instead of beating around the bush. “Are they hurting you or anything please know Yn that you can tell me anything”. Yn’s jaw drops as she looks down at the ankle brace she is wearing and she actually laughs as she realizes where he got that notion. Oikawa frowns as he grows concerned as she start to laugh. “Hey this is no laughing matter Yn chan why are you laughing”? “Tooru my parents don’t hurt me and neither does anyone else, I really am just clumsy and that is all there is to it”. Tooru bites his lip as he takes her hand in his from across the lunch table. “Are you sure, like I said before you know you can tell me anything? '' Tooru says. Yn gives him a smile and she squeezes his hand reassuringly. “Don’t worry about me tooru I’m fine honestly”.

During their second year of high school Oikawa injured his knee severely. One afternoon after volleyball practice Yn is going to lock the gym up for the day when she hears someone running around inside. She opens the door to find tooru sweaty and panting hard while he tries to hit a ball. “Damn it” tooru yells when he can’t jump like he used to before he injured his knee.

“Tooru” Yn asks as she walks inside. “Hey Yn” Tooru says out of breath as he wipes the sweat away from his face with the back of his hand. Yn becomes worried when he calls her by just her name and she knows something is wrong. “You know you are going to injure your knee further running around like that, you really should be resting tooru” she says walking over to him and handing him a towel. Oikawa hangs the towel around his neck and she looks surprised at the upset look in his eyes. “Don’t you think I know I can injure it further Yn Chan, but what else can I do, I feel like I’m going crazy if I’m just sitting still on the bench and it hurts to see the team playing without me”. “Tooru” she says sadly as she pats his arm.

“What if I can never play volleyball again because of this stupid knee” he says as his voice begins to break. “Volleyball became my life, it’s all I’ve wanted to do since I was a little kid, and it’s always been my dream to play in the major leagues someday but now that is all gone if my knee doesn’t heal soon”. Is there possibly anyone you can talk to about this tooru” Yn asks. “Maybe just letting it off of your chest will help”. Tooru shakes his head and Yn can see that he is on the verge of tears once more. “No, there isn’t anyone I can talk to Yn, no one else on the team has bad knees, they wouldn’t understand how I feel at all about my future so I might as well give up my dreams and quit before I get my heart broken in the long run”.

“I understand exactly what you are going through tooru” she yells trying to get through to him. “What” Oikawa whispers as he looks back over at her. Tears form in her eyes as she faces him and tells him the truth about the injuries she had before. “I have knee problems too, well it is not the same as your knees you see i didn’t injure it but I have bad bones, I’ve fractured my knees and they pop out a lot tooru, I have always wanted to play volleyball since elementary school but I just can’t, hell I can’t even barely play outside with my brother at basketball for twenty minutes, I know the problem may not be the same but I know what you’re going through so you are not alone and I don’t want you to go through it alone I will be by your side if you will have me tooru”!

Oikawa crashes his lips onto hers and Yn gasps as she kisses him back. He looks at her with tears in his eyes. “So let me get this straight Yn chan, when you were injured all those times during our high school years you weren’t clumsy but you have a hidden bone disorder”? Yn nods with a guilty look on her face. “Yes and I was scared that you would look at me differently because of it, that’s why I never said anything”. Tooru shakes his head and he hugs her. “Of course I wouldn’t, you’re a strong girl for going through that all alone and I wish I knew that you were going through this because I would have helped you go through it” tooru says. “in any way possible that I could Yn chan”. “Really you would do that for me,'' she whispers as she looks up at him. Tooru nods softly with a gentle look in his eyes. “Does that mean you will let me help you when you are feeling down with your knees as well”? Yn asks him. “Of course” tooru says as he hugs her again. “Thank you for offering Yn chan that’s one of the nicest things you could do for me,'' he whispers as he nuzzles her hair. “Well that’s what best friends are for”, she says with a smile. “Ah no” tooru says as he pulls out of the hug so he can look down and face her as he smirks widely. “I think that kiss earlier proves that we are more than just good friends”. “Okay then we will get through this together as a couple” Yn says with a giggle. “Now that’s more like it” tooru says. “So my lady, would you like me to kiss you again”? “Yes” Yn says as Tooru leans down to kiss her.

[wrenhyperfixates]

Kissing Your Worries Away

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: A bad dream interrupts your sleep, but Loki steps in to save you from your demons. Warnings: a tiny bit angsty, I suppose, and some depressive/anxious thoughts A/N: Hello my lovely nonny! This was such fun to write, thank you for requesting it. Hope you enjoy :)

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant​​ @lunarmoon8​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ @lokistan​

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

It was odd, Loki thought, the differences between dating on Asgard and Midgard. Most of the things done on Earth would have been considered improper, and sometimes even scandalous where he came from. Now, he didn’t really do much dating back on his home planet, and it would have been referred to as courting, anyway. In any case, he knew quite a bit about it, having desired companionship through his long, lonely years. And then along came you, nothing but a mere mortal who somehow meant so much more than that to him. You’d enchanted him with your kind smile, loving attitude, and perfect personality. That’s how he perceived you, anyway; it was like you two were soulmates.

Of course, Loki had not made the first move. Then again, maybe you didn’t really either. He had been too scornful in the beginning to realize what was right in front of him was exactly what he was looking for. Even with his rather callous attitude, you’d persisted and broken down his walls. A friendship, strong as the branches of Yggdrasil, was forged between you two. That, however, made Loki too fearful to ask you out, for if you had rejected him, he’d have lost you entirely. Little did he know, you’d been going through the same thoughts in your head. It wasn’t until one night of reading on the couch when you had kissed each other—it was still unclear to both of you who had actually initiated it, so you decided to call it a mutual action—that you were able to move past your uncertainties. As for who had officially asked who out, it was once again unclear, though Loki insisted it was you.

“My apologies,” he’d said after you’d kissed. “I should not have done that.”

“Loki,” you’d replied, shaking your head. “That’s what I wanted to do, too. And, I wouldn’t mind doing it in public, either, you know.”

“Well then, we shall do just that.”

For the next week after, the Avengers had to endure longing yet excited glances and gentle touches between you two. Loki wasn’t much for PDA, unless of course he was feeling particularly jealous, but he didn’t mind the small gestures. The rest of the team simultaneously found it adorable and sickeningly sweet. Not to mention how odd it seemed once they remembered how the trickster god used to be. Regardless, Loki was excited to take you out for a date. You’d gone to a nice restaurant in the city, and you’d both thoroughly enjoyed yourselves. For the second date, though, you insisted on just having a casual, quiet night in. And that is how Loki found himself knocking on the door to your quarters in a tee shirt and sweatpants, though nothing too baggy as he never was a fan of that style for himself.

“Loki!” you greeted with a bright smile. “I’ve got the movie all ready to go, and the snacks all laid out, so I’m ready to start whenever you are.”

“I do believe there is one other thing we must do first,” he said, walking into the room.

You crinkled your nose and tried to figure out what he meant, asking, “What’s that?”

“This,” he answered, pulling you in for a kiss.

By the time you broke away, you were both a little out of breath, and Loki couldn’t help but chuckle at how adorable you looked. Not only that, but you were incredibly beautiful, too. He cupped your cheek and kissed you again, unable to fight the urge.

“Alright, I think I am ready to begin now,” he informed you as he pulled away again, knowing that if he did not stop now, he’d keep going all night.

You nodded along, still a little flustered from the intimate moment. Hand in hand, you and your raven haired prince walked over to the couch and settled in under the blankets. Even though you’d begun already tucked under one of his arms, you got increasingly close to him during the film, snuggling closer and closer as the minutes ticked by. Eventually, you fell asleep against him, the slackening of your arms around him immediately alerting him. The movie was not yet over, and he wondered if he should go or stay until the end. He decided that if you were to wake up, you might be disappointed that he left, so he remained where he was. Besides that dilemma, he wasn’t really sure how to react to the fact you trusted him enough to sleep in his presence. It was, in his opinion, the ultimate show of trust to allow yourself to be so vulnerable around someone. Even in all your time as friends, you’d never done anything like this before.

Before long, your arms were tightening around him again, and he expected to see your eyes flutter open at any second. They didn’t though. In fact, you were whimpering a little, softly at first, but then louder. Before he could react to that, your body began to shake and the whines grew louder still.

“Darling,” he whispered. “What is it? Are you feeling well?”

You did not respond, and after a minute of befuddlement, he realized you were still asleep. Not only that, you were having a nightmare. He flashed back to the countless nights when he’d woken up in a state much like yours, and how each time he’d wished for someone to comfort him. Well, he was here for you now.

“Do not fret, my love, I am here. I will protect you,” he said, though softly enough to not wake you up, but rather just penetrate your dreams. “Nothing can happen to you so long as you are in my arms.”

Carefully maneuvering your bodies, he brought you to a laying position. Facing you, he smoothed out the crinkles of your forehead with a kiss. Arms wrapped around you, he rubbed your back and alternated between humming and speaking reassurances. Even when your body finally relaxed, he didn’t stop. Rather, he peppered even more little kisses on your face until a smile overtook your features. He pulled the blanket tightly around you, and placing one last kiss to your head, got ready to go to sleep, too.

“Loki,” you whispered, still half asleep, just as his eyes began to slip shut. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, darling,” he said back, drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki’s eyes snapped open. It was still dark out, but he knew something had awoken him. He quickly wracked his brain, trying to figure out if not the light, then what? That’s when your small whimpers registered in his brain again. How he had wished he wouldn’t need to disturb your rest, but it was obvious that you needed to talk about whatever it was that was bothering you. Before the dream could get too bad, he said your name and rubbed your back until you awoke.

“Is the movie over?” you asked in a groggy voice, feeling very disoriented.

“Yes, it has been for a while. The issue here, though, is that you were having a nightmare. The second one of the night, I might add. Will you tell me what is wrong? Please? I only wish to help.”

“I know.”

You didn’t say anything else, and Loki didn’t press, lest he drive you away or further upset you. He just kept tracing circles on your back until you were ready to continue.

“I just, I don’t know, feel so insecure sometimes. Like I’m just not enough, no matter what I do. And that whenever I get close to someone like this, it doesn’t matter because they’re just going to leave me anyway. God, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud.”

“It does not. Do not discredit your emotions like that,” Loki scolded. “It is perfectly valid to feel insecure, but you must tell me so I can reassure you that I will never, ever leave you for anything in the nine realms or beyond. You mean too much to me for me to leave, darling. I love you.”

You hugged him closer, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Naturally, those words didn’t chase all your doubts away. After all, that is all they were: words. And from the God of Lies, no less. Still, though, you trusted Loki in your heart, and it helped a great deal.

“Thank you, Loki. I hope you know I feel the same way about you,” you said into his skin.

“I believe it with all my heart, darling.”

Then he placed one final lingering kiss to your lips for the night before you both went back to sleep in each other’s arms, feeling much lighter than you had in a long time.

[musette22]

"Tommy" seb with which Chris?

Hmm this is a tricky one, because normally when we do this 'pairing up Chris and Sebastian's characters' thing, we also look at how their personalities would match up. But when characters are based on real people, especially people who are still alive, that's of course a bit different. So in this case, I think I'm just going to assign an original personality to a character with Seb's Tommy look, if that makes sense?

A little disclaimer: I do not mean to stereotype people with tattoos and piercings as criminals!! It's very important to me that that's clear, because that's not at all what I believe lol. The following is just one way my mind went when I was thinking about this question, and me simplifying/dramatising/romanticising this look and situation for storytelling purposes.

So, I'm thinking Andy Barber for this one... There are other characters too that could work of course, but my mind ran with Andy and Seb/Tommy! Gonna put this under the cut because it got kinda long lol

So for Seb's Tommy character, I can imagine a guy who's rough around the edges: didn't have an easy time growing up, fell in with the wrong crowd as a teen, committed some minor offenses, but at the core of him, he's a good person who just needs a bit of a break in life. And then I was thinking, what if Seb/Tommy (I'll just call him Tommy from now on) ends up in custody for something more serious at some point, and somehow his case attracts the attention of well-known pro bono lawyer Andrew Barber?

Talking to Tommy, going over the details of his case with him, it doesn't take long for Andy to realize that this guy is telling the truth and isn't actually guilty of what he's being accused of. Underneath all the bravura, all those tattoos and piercings, Tommy is an intelligent, sensitive and good guy, who's just been dealt a bad hand in life. And he's not just a good guy, but also an undeniably beautiful one, and someone who triggers all of Andy's protective and caring instincts.

Andy is helplessly attracted to Tommy, and knows he's in over his head almost immediately. But even though technically he should, he can't just walk away and leave Tommy to face the consequences of a crime he didn't commit. So Andy pulls out all the stops, goes to great lengths to prove Tommy isn't guilty - so much so that one day, one of his co-workers approaches him to ask, "Are you sure you're still up to this job? I think you may be compromised, Andy. Let me handle this one." But Andy refuses, of course. Just sets his jaw stubbornly and replies, "Not a chance. I can't leave him to rot in prison. I'm gonna get him out."

And he does, a few weeks later, but because he's such a noble sonofabitch, he walks away from the courtroom as soon as the verdict of not-guilty is delivered. As much as he wants to get closer to Tommy, Andy can't risk making a move on him when the guy might be feeling like heowes Andy. Andy knows for a fact that plenty people have taken advantage of Tommy all his life, and he'll be damned if he'll do the same. Andy thinks he's seen signs of interest from Tommy too, over the past few weeks, but if he's wrong, or if that interest is born from the wrong motivations like guilt or relief, that wouldn't be fair to either of them - but especially not to Tommy. So Andy walks away, instructs his secretary to deflect Tommy's phone calls, and tries to forget about him.

Needless to say, Andy is an idiot, because Tommy has in fact developed feelings for Andy too, but they're not born out of any sort of misplaced feeling of debt or obligation. They're based solely on the fact that Andy is a deeply good, selfless, immensely driven person, very unlike most people Tommy has encountered in his life up until that point. Okay, and the fact that Andy is fucking gorgeous doesn't hurt either, but that's just a bonus. So when Andy disappears without a trace and doesn't take any of Tommy's calls, initially, Tommy is hurt and upset.

But that doesn't take away from the fact that he's grateful for this second chance he's gotten, thanks to Andy, so after a few weeks of wallowing in self-pity, he decides to change his life around. He moves to a different part of town, gets a tabby cat, as well as an honest job working at a nearby gas station. What he doesn't know, however, is that it just so happens to be the gas station Andy often stops at on his way to and from work.

So one day, a few months after they've last seen each other in court, Andy and Tommy meet again, over the counter of a gas station.

For a long moment, they just stand there, silently looking at each other, until Tommy sucks in a breath and blurts out, "Where did you go?"

Andy feels a sharp pang of remorse, and his voice is pained when he replies, "I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't mean to just disappear like that, but it was for the best."

"Was it?" Tommy asks, a little sad. "You know, I looked for you, when it was over. I just... I wanted to thank you, maybe celebrate, a little. But you weren't there. You just left."

And those words, combined with seeing Tommy's sad, pretty face that he's been dreaming of for the past few months, break down the last of Andy's already crumbling resolve. "God, Tommy," he groans, hands planted on his hips as he lowers his gaze in shame, shaking his head at his own stupidity. "I've been such an idiot."

When he looks up again, Tommy is watching him, lower lip caught between his teeth. He's clearly waiting for him to go on, so Andy takes a deep breath.

"Listen, I understand if it's too late, but would you let me buy you a coffee, when you're done?" he asks, almost pleading. "Tell me how you're doing now? I've thought about you every day, you know." Feeling his cheeks heat up, he adds, "You.. you look good. Like, really good."

To his relief, Tommy smiles, small but pleased, and tells Andy his shift ends in an hour and a half. Andy promises he'll come and pick him up then, already resigned to the fact he won't be doing any more work today. He doesn't particularly care.

When Tommy finally walks out the door an hour and a half later, Andy is leaning against the side of his car, rushing forward to open the passenger door when Tommy approaches.

At the gesture, Tommy bashfully ducks his head. "You don't have to do that. I'm not some fancy fella you have to woo. I'm just some flat broke guy working at a gas station."

"Not to me," Andy replies immediately - a little too earnestly perhaps, but he's not going to make the same mistake again. Tommy deserves to know. "You're much more to me than that."

And then Tommy smiles, properly, this time. A big, happy smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes and makes Andy stomach swoop dramatically as he falls a little bit more in love with him.

Tommy steps closer, stopping when they're only a foot apart. Reaching up to fix Andy's tie, he says, "Well, in that case, you can buy me one of those fancy coffees with the flavored cream and the straw."

Andy, mesmerized by how pretty Tommy's twinkling grey eyes are up close, nods dumbly. "Anything you want, sweetheart."

And then, with a hint of that old bravura he'd showcased when Andy first met him, Tommy cocks his head and says, "Anything, huh? Good to know," pressing his lips briefly to Andy's cheek before getting into the car.

It takes a while before Andy remembers he's supposed to get in the car at some point, too, if he's going to take Tommy on their first real date.

[lorata]

I saw your little post on "distribution of poverty in fantasy tiered cities", I'd really love to hear any of your ideas on that. My own thoughts go right to Mortal Engines (London) and Coruscant from SW.

ah yes I remember this, poor T (my wife)

mmm. hmm so. oh boy. so I haven't seen/read mortal engines and coruscant is Its Own Thing so disclaimer, my rant was referring specifically to that one Brand of fantasy city where like, "here is our tiered city, this is the lower ring, the poors live here, this is the middle ring, the crafts people/social climbers live here, this is the upper ring, here is where the rich live" (I'm paraphrasing but you get the idea)

anyway so I want to preface this as well by saying that I was not actually insulting writers or fantasy books and saying this is unrealistic! bad writing! hur hur hur I am extremely knowledgeable about real-world city planning!!!!!!!!!! blurrrrr blahhh DO THIS OR I WILL IMMEDIATELY STOP READING, WRITERS!!!!!!!

(one of my least favourite genre of Extremely Online Pedant posts is like "ACTUALLY fantasy books are BAD because they have POTATOES and those are a NEW WORLD CROP" or "UM ACTUALLY you called your ruler a DUKE and according to the ENGLISH MONARCHY SYSTEM the titles go LIKE THIS" you know those "your FAKE WORLD must conform to EUROPEAN RULES or else it's BAD" like let the rain fall down and wake your dreams maybe)

it's more that ....... I was having a lot of feelings about my (poor, urban) neighbourhood, and the fantasy book I was reading (and others I had read before) did not currently represent those feelings in a satisfying way? and so my rant was kind of like, the people who write these books feel like they have always had enough money for what they need, maybe not enough to do everything they've always dreamed exactly when they want to do it so they don't feel like they're rich, but they've never had to THINK about money or be scared of not having it, and they definitely do not know what it feels like to live in a low-income area pressed in by the wealthy but they do seem to think it means narrow alleys and rats and everything smells like urine and everyone is mean and backstabby

so it's a combination of, none of these books feel like they know what it means to be poor, no one knows what community or mutual aid means call yourself a community organizer even though you're not on speaking terms with your roommates, all of these fantasy cities operate with the exact same template of "filthy poor area", "austere rich area", "artsy suburban area" (where the author lives irl) and it had started to irritate me

but the kicker is that NONE of these that I had read ever talked about gentrification. the areas were demarcated and that was that -- MAYBE the rich build another tier as the city grew, widening the middle class and leaving the poor further behind, but that's not, er, that's not -- and this is why I was upset, not because the authors didn't like ... include gentrification in the books, but because I was angry about gentrification in real life.

I live in an immigrant neighbourhood, culturally diverse, densely populated, and one of the largest income disparities in the country. only 6% of the population earns over $60,000 and 60% earns under $20,000. right next to it is one of the wealthiest neighbourhoods, with average incomes over $300,000. the 6% of high earners here comes from high-rise condos (not for rent) bought by rich couples who want low property values but don't want to LIVE here, so they commute out for work and social life and basically use their apartment in my community as their crash pad. they don't shop here, they don't invest in any of the local infrastructure, they post negative reviews on Google of the grocery store and the library that there are "unsightly people" and people should try another location instead.

meanwhile the community across the road, the rich one, blocks condos in their neighbourhood bc they hate the look of towers, but they absolutely support them over here bc they can invite their rich friends to live in them and have them over all the time, but they don't have to stare at the ugly building. at the same time (bc we live in the same voting district) they actively block public works projects in our neighbourhood that might ~~impact~~ them like streetcars (because we might come into their territory!) or parks (because they should have a monopoly on green space and it might lower their property values if we get any grass).

in the meantime the condos keep coming in, and our actual buildings that we use (like dollar stores and laundromats and family restaurants) get demolished to make room for them, and the neighbourhoods get more expensive. if the neighbourhood a few blocks south is any indication, next step is the police come in and start clearing out the homeless but don't give them anywhere to go (they just, you know, kick them out), and the affordable housing is repurposed as a ~coworking space~ and its tenants evicted, and then later an area that was for immigrants and had a local community is labelled "up and coming" and now it's shiny and sterile and has Starbucks and cannabis shops and condos and plenty of cute young white couples with kids and all the poor families are struggling to find somewhere new to live, because rich people always want more.

you don't see this in fantasy cities. it's always, the rich stay UP THERE and the poors stay DOWN HERE and the poors WISH they could get up there and the rich think the poor area is GROSS. you don't see that kind of neighbourhood mobility, where poor neighbourhoods get gentrified, or the reverse as soon as there is any kind of diversification (e.g. white flight). and I realize why not, it's the same reason that (unless you're Max Gladstone) you don't get fantasy books based on extremely nitpicky legal battles and land titles. readers don't care! it's not a real city! the city is a setting! a backdrop!

(Max Gladstone, bless him forever, I have no idea how this man decided that working class neighbourhoods fighting wealthy gentrificators BUT WITH GODS AND MAGIC would make for a good novel series but he did, and he did it brilliantly. even if he made me endure magic-flavoured catholicism, again.)

anyway. I grew up in the middle of nowhere on a farm. I don't care about fantasy potatoes. I don't care where the linen comes from. I am fine without a detailed accounting of how the protagonists feed their horses on their journey. This is fantasy, we take some things for granted, and people who are like HORSES NEED 2% OF THEIR BODYWEIGHT PER DAY THIS IS UNREALISTIC should just put the book down and go play because clearly reading is not the right hobby for them. but that morning after ANOTHER condo notice went up on a building that had been a local restaurant because the owner (who'd fought the city on selling for the past 50 years) passed away and they won their case against the estate, I just got mad.

I'm so sorry, this is not what you were expecting to get lol

[rainecreatesstuff]

escaping is not the same as running away- chapter 1: goodbyes are not for good

DISCLAIMER: ALL names in this story are in reference to the CHARACTERS of the Dream SMP, NOT the CCs. Please be respectful in the replies.

Characters: Tubbo, Ranboo, Philza, Technoblade, Mentioned TommyInnit, Mentioned Michael_Beloved

Relationships: Tubbo & Ranboo (Platonic), Philza & Technoblade (Platonic), Philza & Ranboo (Platonic), Technoblade & Ranboo (Platonic)

Warnings: Swearing

Ranboo climbed the stairs of the factory, reaching the top and letting his shoulders fall as he spotted Tubbo sitting on the edge of the roof. He carefully made his way over, sitting down beside Tubbo, who had one of his legs held to his chest, his chin sitting on it, staring at the sunset.

“Thought I might find you here.” Ranboo swung his legs back and forth a bit.

Tubbo hummed.

“Is Michael in bed?”

“Mhm,” Ranboo leaned back, “Luckily his chicken plush was dry, so he went to bed easy tonight.”

Tubbo smiled, but it was tight, and fell away easily after a moment.

As much as he wanted to ask Tubbo what was wrong, he knew it was probably a bad decision. Tubbo was a man of secrets. He kept everything on the inside, and trying to pry just made him upset, so Ranboo sat patiently as they watched the sunset.

Snowchester really was beautiful at this time. The golden hues of the sun reflected off the snow and water, creating a warm tint over the town. Tubbo really was an amazing builder. The cute, cottage-esque homes somehow became even more cozy-looking in the setting sun. A distant part of Ranboo hoped they would make it inside before the moon rose, and the cold of the night truly settled into the village.

“You ever think about leaving?”

Ranboo was broken out of his thoughts by Tubbo’s question.

“Huh?”

Tubbo shifted, turning his head to face Ranboo.

“You know, just packing up, getting in a boat, and disappearing. Finding somewhere far, far away where you wouldn’t have to worry about governments or terrorists or wars. Somewhere safe.” Tubbo’s eyes didn’t meet Ranboo’s, instead seeming to trace the lines of his face.

Ranboo frowned.

“I mean, not, not really? I… if I’m being honest, I like it here.” He paused for a moment, “well, not like, here, but… Snowchester. I like being here with you and Michael, and whoever else happens to be around. It’s… calm, I guess.” Ranboo swung his legs idly as he spoke.

Tubbo hummed, glancing back towards the sunset.

“Do you?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think about running away?”

Tubbo’s brow creased.

“I mean, sometimes. Feel like it’d be easier. Just disappear into the night, before anyone could stop me. Maybe I’d finally get to have that apiary. Like the one we built in L’Manburg, but bigger, with machines and’ stuff.”

Ranboo smiled softly.

“You could make a villager trading ring, like you always wanted. Get all the best enchantments and all the best loot.”

Tubbo laughed quietly.

“And we could build a house, a nice one, in a flower field, with a big backyard for Michael to play in. And we could get a dog.”

“And a cat.”

“And we could learn how to cook properly.”

Ranboo laughed, airy and loudly. Tubbo grinned, leaning against Ranboo. Ranboo stiffened for a moment, and Tubbo began to pull away, before Ranboo carefully wrapped an arm around Tubbo, holding him by his waist.

“Imagine it, just us and Michael, and Tommy, just living super far away from all this bullshit. Maybe sending the occasional letter back. Just. Living. Actually living, without constantly worrying about everything.” Tubbo’s voice went soft, like he was sharing a secret.

Ranboo hummed, before going silent and still.

Realistically… what was stopping them? They could pack everything they needed in like, an hour tops, and tell Tommy to do the same. They could sail north, and keep going until they were safe. Until they found that perfect little flower field. They could bring Michael. They… they could leave.

Tubbo clicked his tongue, bringing Ranboo back to reality.

“You alright boss man?”

Ranboo bit his lip gently, considering for a moment, then…

“What’s stopping us?”

Tubbo tensed up beside him, pulling away to stare at him.

“What?”

“What’s stopping us from packing up and leaving?”

Tubbo blinked, staring at Ranboo incredulously.

“You. You’re serious?” Tubbo’s voice shook a bit.

“I mean, yeah. Like, I don’t know about you, but, I don’t really have anything holding me here other than you and Michael. I’d… I’d miss Phil, and Techno, but they’d understand. God, they of all people would totally understand.”

Tubbo brushed the hair away from his eyes, and Ranboo had to glance away.

“I… Like, you actually want to? You’re not just saying that?” Tubbo looked away slightly as well, focusing his eyes on Ranboo’s hair instead.

“I mean, yeah. I, I um, I think it’d be good. For all of us, especially Michael. He should, uh, he should get to grow up safe n’ stuff, you know?”

A smile slipped onto Tubbo’s face, becoming a grin, and then a laugh. He hugged Ranboo lightly around the waist, and Ranboo gently squeezed back. A sharp pain erupted from his shoulder and a low hiss escaped from his mouth, and Tubbo quietly gasped and pulled away.

“Fuck- sorry Boo, I wasn’t even thinking-“

“You’re crying?” Ranboo held Tubbo’s face in his hands, carelessly wiping away tears even as they burnt his thumbs.

Tubbo batted away his hands gently.

“Stop it, you’re not burning your hands just because I got all sappy n shit.” Tubbo laughed gently, rubbing at his eyes with his sleeve.

“You’re okay?” Ranboo half-reached out to Tubbo, as if to dry his tears again, but pulled back.

“Fuck, Boo, I am so okay. I am very okay.” He laughed as he spoke, bringing his hands up and flapping them back and forth as he spoke.

Ranboo giggled, leaning back on his hands.

“Okay, okay, sorry about that, I just- I’ve been wanting to just leave for so long but I didn’t want to leave you or Tommy or Michael so I just- Assumed I wouldn’t ever be able to, and-“ Tubbo shakily drew a breath in, running a hand through his hair, “You’re sure? Like, 100%, no going back, sure?”

Ranboo let himself think it over for another moment, just in case, but he still couldn’t find any reason to stay. As long as he had Tubbo, Michael, and Tommy with him, he could care less what happened on SMP soil. He’d miss Niki, Techno, and Phil, and it hurt him to know he’d probably never speak to Fundy or Quackity again, but part of him was inclined to believe he wouldn’t have in the first place. So, drawing in a breath, he nodded.

“Yeah. Whenever you’re ready, I am.”

Tubbo rammed his forehead into Ranboo’s chest, making a small “oof” escape him, hugging him tightly. Ranboo wrapped his arms around Tubbo, smiling softly.

“Okay, okay, um, tonight? Do you wanna go tonight? We can carry Michael, and he can sleep on the way, and we can sleep once we’ve gotten a ways out.” Tubbo sprang back, then jumped up, pacing back and forth on the edge of the roof, nearly giving Ranboo a heart attack.

Ranboo stood as well, grabbing Tubbo’s hood and pulling him away from the edge.

“As long as you don’t wander off any roofs, yeah, sure.”

Tubbo just huffed, but his smile didn’t waiver. He passed Ranboo, headed towards the stairs, gently hitting his arm on the way by. Ranboo followed him down.

“Alright, so I can pack up my stuff, and I’ll go convince Tommy to come, and then you can go get your stuff and come back and help me pack for Michael?” Tubbo asked, fidgeting excitedly with the drawstrings on his coat.

Ranboo nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, sounds good, I’ll be done in like- an hour probably? And then I’ll just come back to your house.”

Tubbo nodded, and ran up the steps to his cabin. Swinging the door open, he turned around once more, flashing Ranboo a grin.

“See you in a bit!”

“See ya.” Ranboo replied, smiling as the door slammed behind Tubbo.

Ranboo made his way to the community portal, careful to avoid Tommy’s property. He was pretty sure there was a reason Tubbo had wanted to tell Tommy, and not just for convenience. The blond probably wouldn’t be super on board with their plan right away, and he’d probably need Tubbo to convince him. Either with their super long friendship, or his puppy eyes. Ranboo was sure even Tommy couldn’t be invulnerable against that.

He reached the portal, and stood in it, the familiar nausea hitting him as he entered the Nether. He leaned against the portal’s frame for a moment, and the nausea dissipated as it always did. He walked along the messy cobblestone path that lead to the Arctic, nearly falling off a couple times due to ghasts, and eventually reached the Arctic.

He didn’t think he’d ever get used to the whiplash that was leaving the Nether and entering a tundra.

He reached his house just as the sun fully set, sending the sky into its beautiful twilight palette. He made his way around his basement, arranging as many of his riches as he could fit in his enderchest, and stuffing the rest, as well as survival supplies, into his inventory and a bag. He looked around his basement one last time, and his Enderman… “roommate,” we’ll call it, croaked something that sounded familiar in the same way all Ender did.

Ranboo bit his lip. He didn’t want to just leave the poor guy here, confused… Maybe a note could work? Surely Endermen had translators. He wrote his roommate a note explaining that he was leaving, and handed it to them. The Enderman looked down at the note, and seemed like he might actually have understood it, at least to some degree.

He made a sad croaking noise, and gently pat Ranboo’s head. Ranboo laughed a bit awkwardly, but smiled at the Enderman, who gave him one last look, then teleported away. Ranboo sighed heavily, biting his lip.

All his pets would need someone to look after them, then. He brought them all upstairs, then sat and gave them pets for a little bit. He could probably sneak Dogboo into Techno’s dog house. He was pretty sure the hound army had been decommissioned, and Techno definitely wouldn’t notice the extra dog until he read the name tag, if he ever did.

He was sure Phil wouldn’t mind one more addition to his flock- crow or not, the man was good with birds, and Ranbird would be well taken care of.

That just left him with his cats. Enderpearl, and Enderchest. The thought of leaving them behind put a sharp ache in his heart, but not more so than the thought of seeing Tubbo passed out at his desk after working himself to exhaustion did. Okay. Maybe Niki could take care of them. He knew she’d had foxes before, and cats were similar, if not a bit more independent. He could drop them off at her place on his way out, then.

He took a deep breath, giving one more round of cuddles and pets, then moved to action. He led Dogboo into the doghouse, where the pack immediately started trying to play with Dogboo. Ranboo let him off the lead, and knelt down, hugging him one more time, then leaving and closing the gate tightly behind him.

This next part would be more difficult, but he was sure he could do it without being confronted. Phil was still in Techno’s house, he could hear them talking from here. He brought Ranbird into Phil’s house on his forearm, leaving the bird on the counter in an area where he couldn’t get into too much trouble.

A crow flew down from one of the rosters, poking at Ranbird. Ranboo wondered for a moment if this was a bad idea, but then a few more crows flocked down and cawed curiously at Ranbird before flying back up, with Ranbird joining them. Ranboo let out a sigh of relief, then reached into his pocket, where he’d written Phil a note.

He walked out of the small house, pinning the note to Phil’s front door. If all went accordingly, Ranboo would be gone by the time Phil saw it.

He went back to his house, scooping up his cats and gently placing them in the duffel bag he’d slung over his shoulder. They seemed displeased at being jostled around, but after a moment, they curled around each other and laid down. Ranboo closed the bag as much as he could, still giving the cats room to move around and breathe.

He glanced around his home one more time, then took a deep breath, and stepped outside.

He glanced at Skellyboo for a moment, pondering if he should bring the undead horse, but no, he did not want to have to ride a skeletal horse for as long as he would need to. He could borrow a horse from someone else if he needed to. Tubbo probably had some in Snowchester.

He made his way to the gate that led out of Techno and Phil’s property, and stepped out, closing it behind him. He took another deep breath, and looked up at the sky. He was really doing this. They were really leaving. He suddenly felt giddy in a way he hadn’t in a while. He could picture it now, his and Tubbo’s little cottage, far, far away from here, where they could raise Michael in peace, and-

“What are you doing?”

Ranboo whipped around, suddenly faced with a very concerned Phil, Technoblade standing a few feet away with an expression that implied he was ready to kill someone.

Ranboo hoped it wasn’t him.

“Phil.” Ranboo’s voice turned shaky.

Phil made his way out the gate, his eyes not leaving Ranboo for a second. When he finally stood before him, he wrapped Ranboo in his arms, and Ranboo nearly began crying, though he wasn’t sure why. Perhaps it was that he couldn’t remember being held like this by his real parents. Perhaps it was because Phil was hugging him like he was already forgiving Ranboo for something he hadn’t even done yet.

“Come back inside, mate.”

Ranboo glanced over to Techno, whose eyes held a bitterness in them that he’d only seen a few times before. Ranboo bit his lip. He was supposed to get back to Tubbo soon, but…

Phil and Techno had been so kind to him for so long. They at least deserved a goodbye, an explanation.

“… Okay.”

Phil sighed a breath of relief, and led the other two back into Techno’s house. They each kicked off their shoes at the door before stepping further in. Ranboo gently placed his bag on the floor, glancing up at Phil when Enderpearl made a “mrrrrp” sound, announcing his awakening.

“You can let them roam for a bit, mate. Seems like they’re gonna be holed up for a while.” Phil sat down on one of the chairs around the fireplace, gesturing for Ranboo to do the same.

Ranboo leaned down, unzipping his bag a bit, then nervously made his way to the couch, sitting on the side closest to Phil’s chair with his legs curled up, knees to his chest, leaning against the couch’s armrest. Techno sat behind them at the table.

“Alright, why don’t you start off with explaining why you’re all packed up?” Phil took his hat off, placing it on the armrest beside him.

Ranboo drew in a breath.

“I’m leaving. Not just, not just here, I’m leaving the SMP lands.” He carefully kept his eyes focused on the fire, nervous that if he looked at Phil, he’d find disappointment in his gaze.

“All by yourself? That can’t be good for you, mate. It’d be dangerous, even.”

Ranboo tilted his head, biting his lip.

“I’m, um, I’m not. Going alone, that is. I, uh, I have people I’m travelling with.” Ranboo’s tone hushed on reflex, and he heard Techno chuff behind him.

Phil looked slightly taken aback for a moment, then his face took on a look of consideration.

“Ahh. I see.” His voice held a hint of amusement.

Ranboo blushed lightly, coughing gently.

“It’s not like, um, what you’re thinking, we just- we just want to get away. From everything. From the prison, and the egg, and the wars, just- everything.”

Phil hummed, then sighed. Ranboo risked a glance up, and Phil was looking over at him with a sort of sadness held over him, but still smiling.

“That’s fair. You guys shouldn’t have to deal with all this at your age. I hope you find somewhere safe to grow up. And for that kid of yours to grow up.” Phil spoke gently, like he was scared he might make Ranboo scatter if he was too harsh.

“Your what?”

Ranboo flinched as Techno’s rough voice filled the room.

Phil looked straight at the ground, the look on his face equivalent to him outright saying “I fucked up.”  Ranboo turned around, facing Techno, who was staring at him like he’d grown a third eye.

“So, um, I’m kind of, I kind of got married? And we adopted a kid.”

Techno’s staring didn’t stop.

“Aren’t you, like, 16 or something?”

Ranboo swallowed.

“Or something, yeah.”

“And you have a spouse, and a kid?”

“Um. Yes?”

Techno rubbed his eyes tiredly, his elbows leaning on the table.

“Why is that not the weirdest thing about you? That should be it by a landslide. And yet it’s not.”

Ranboo shrank in on himself sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

Phil laughed gently.

“Don’t apologize for it mate. You’re fine, right, Techno?” Phil turned a pointed gaze to Techno, who was looking between the two of them with tired eyes, like they’d lost their minds.

To be fair, they probably had.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re fine kid, just, jeez. Maybe tell me before you run off into the night next time, alright?”

“I, um. Yeah, that’s, that makes sense, yeah.”

Phil chuckled at the interaction.

“Can I ask who it is?” Techno said with a sigh.

“Hm?”

“Who’re you married to?”

Ranboo’s tail whipped across the couch nervously.

“Oh. Um. You, uh, you know Tubbo?”

Techno sighed.

“That checks out. Makes our visit there make a lot more sense.”

Ranboo furrowed his brow.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you two kept, like, jumping away from each other whenever Niki or I got close by. You’re not very good at keeping secrets, either of you.”

Ranboo held an ‘if only you knew’ on his tongue, humming instead.

“And your kid?”

“Oh, um, he’s a little zombie piglin named Michael. We found him in the Nether a few months back, and it didn’t seem like anyone was coming back for him, so we brought him back to Snowchester and we’ve been raising him there.” Ranboo’s voice took on a tint of warmth as he spoke about his son, and a soft smile resided on his face.

Techno hummed again, nodding.

“You’ve been keeping him warm, yeah? He hasn’t gone into hibernation?”

Ranboo shook his head vehemently.

“God, no, we’ve got a fireplace in his room and he only goes outside with like, three layers on. We, um, we didn’t know much about piglins? But, but I knew you hibernated because of the cold, and I wasn’t sure how that would affect a kid, so…”

Techno grunted.

“Sounds like you’re doing alright then. The kid’s happy?”

Ranboo turned away slightly, smiling warmly.

“I think so. He, um, he doesn’t know much common yet, ‘cause it’s kinda hard for his vocal chords to replicate the sounds, but, um, we’ve taught him sign, and he seems happy, so, yeah.” Ranboo fidgeted with the fabric on the couch as he spoke.

“Good.” Techno said before standing up.

Phil looked over to Ranboo and raised an eyebrow.

“Tech, where’re you going?”

Techno began making his way down the ladder.

“‘M grabbing some stuff.”

Ranboo checked the time again, biting his lip anxiously. He should really be getting back to Tubbo.

Techno emerged from the basement with a bundle in his arms, and placed it on the table he’d sat at before. Ranboo peered over the couch, spotting an assortment of items, four of which looked suspiciously netherite-like.

Phil whistled.

“‘S that a whole other set of armour?”

Techno grunted.

“You said you have travel companions, and one of ‘em’s Tubbo, and he doesn’t go anywhere without that stealing gremlin, so.” He gestured to the armour, frowning.

Ranboo sprang up from the couch, making his way over to the table. He admired the netherite, and as he touched it he could feel enchantments rippling across it.

“I- thank you, so much, Tommy lost his armour a while ago and I haven’t had a chance to make more yet-“

“Don’t. Don’t thank me or anything, it’s just paying you back for the axe and everything else that’s suspiciously shown up in our chests.” Techno grumbled.

“Of- of course.” Ranboo smiled, beginning to gather it into his inventory.

He was short on space, but he could make do. Once the armour was in its place, he noticed some books and parchment.

Phil strode up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder as he read the paper.

“It’s a recipe for a special type of mushroom stew. Uses mushrooms from the nether, used to make it for Techno when he was younger. Didn’t know he still had the recipe I gave him.” Phil glanced back up to Techno, who looked to become more and more embarrassed by the second.

“Yeah, well, I’ve already got it memorized, and your kid’ll probably like it, so.”

Phil laughed.

“And the books?” He jabbed Techno in the side gently.

“They’re doubles, I’ve been meaning to get rid of them anyways.”

Ranboo slid his hands over the books, which seemed to be centuries old, their spines and pages worn. On the covers were embroidered lettering, spelling out several classics and myths.

“You’re giving him your myth compilations? The first editions at that. Damn Techno.” Phil’s tone remained teasing, but another layer of softness piled onto it.

Techno grumbled something Ranboo couldn’t pick out. Ranboo stared at the books in awe for another moment, then looked back up to Techno.

“Thank you. Seriously. I’ll take care of them.” Ranboo carefully slid them into place in his inventory, then folded the parchment up and did the same to it.

Phil pulled him into another hug, and Ranboo leaned over and hid his face in the older man’s shoulder. Phil patted his back twice, then gently pulled away.

“I’m proud of you mate. You’ve gotten a lot stronger since I met you. Lot more wise too.”

Ranboo chirped out a nervous “thank you,” to which Phil laughed.

“We’ll miss you kid.”

Techno reached over and ruffled his hair.

“Don’t do anything Phil wouldn’t do. Remember our sparring lessons. And tell those brats that we hope your trip goes well.”

“Thanks Techno.” Ranboo smiled up at him, and the piglin let out a soft chuff.

“You’d better get going. Tubbo’s probably waiting for you, right?” Phil patted him on the back, and Ranboo made his way over to his duffel bag.

“Yeah, we’re leaving tonight. I’m supposed to meet him at his house in a bit.” He kneeled down beside his bag and realized Enderpearl had indeed gotten out and was now nowhere to be found.

“Don’t worry about the cat. A couple more animals aren’t gonna break us.” Phil smiled, nodding over to where Enderpearl was sleeping by the fireplace.

Ranboo carefully zipped up the duffel bag most of the way, still leaving room for Enderchest to move around a bit. He stood, then made his way over to the door and slipped on his shoes, heaving the bag over his shoulder.

“Thank you both so much. For everything.”

“Anytime. And don’t forget to write us. Or I’ll have my flock come find you.” Phil grinned.

Ranboo laughed, and nodded.

“I will. I’m guessing just give my letters to the nearest crow?”

Phil made a clicking noise with his tongue, then pointed to Ranboo.

“You got it.” He walked over, giving Ranboo one last hug, then opened the door for him.

“Bye. I’ll write soon.” Ranboo promised, making his way down the steps.

“Stay safe kid.” Techno leaned against the doorway as he spoke.

Ranboo nodded with a soft smile, and began making his way back to the gate. He turned and waved one final time, and then he was off, back to his husband and best friend.

God.

He couldn’t wait to get there.

[onceuponastory]

Coming Back Home: Chapter Seven - Whistle For the Choir

“Is it out of line if I was to be bold and say "Would you be mine"? Because I may be a beggar and you may be the queen I know I may be on a downer, I'm still ready to dream” - whistle for the choir: the fratellis

Plot: Based on a prompt by @orphicodysseywrites​

Tag List: @shinydixon​, @baker151910​, @silverwings1999 and @thesundrop​. Let me know if you want to be added!

Warnings: Some mentions of alcohol and anxiety. Also a few tiny sex mentions/references but nothing smutty. Notes: Wow. So it’s been a while since I’ve posted for this fic, hasn’t it? I’m sorry about that. BUT I love this story, and I intend to finish it. This chapter is more of a filler one before the wedding in the next chapter or two, so Y/N and Nick’s relationship isn’t a huge focus, but I hope you all enjoy it regardless!

Read the other parts / Read this story on Wattpad!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Nick or his character! I just used Nick bc he’s the only character of Dacre’s that fits this prompt. Aside from Nick being in this, this fic has NOTHING to do with The Broken Hearts Gallery. But you should all see the movie if you can, because it’s adorable!

Softly groaning, I wake up. For a moment, I feel something on my waist, and almost scream, until I realise I'm still in Nick's arms. He's still fast asleep, his chest slowly rising and falling with every breath. I smile, watching him sleep for a while. He looks so content...so peaceful. Is this what it's like to get a proper nights sleep? But as soon as that thought crosses my mind, another replaces it. I didn't have a nightmare last night...did I? I had a proper nights sleep too. Frowning, I wiggle out of Nick's arms, trying not to wake him. Once I've done that, I roll over to where the clock beside my bed reads 7:47am. Oh my god. I slept FULLY through the night for one of the first and only times in my life. I sit for a few moments, trying to decipher what it was that helped me sleep so well. Is it because I’ve been drinking less wine? Or is it because I’ve been eating healthier recently? 

“You idiot.” I tell myself. “You know why you slept well, and he’s sleeping right beside you.” Nick grunts, and shifts a little in his sleep. Looking back down at him. I smile again. He's beautiful. And he likes me. Me. Despite my anxieties, my awkwardness and well...everything else, Nick likes me just for myself. Kissing him again wouldn't be so bad. Maybe just a small cheek peck? But Nick soon starts mumbling to himself as he wakes up. As he looks around the room, his blue eyes focus on me looking down at him, and a soft chuckle escapes his lips. 

"Were you watching me sleep?" He asks, his voice husky. It takes all my willpower to not kiss him right there and then.

"...Maybe. But you looked so peaceful. Who could blame me?" Instead of replying with words, Nick leans up and kisses me again. God, if this is still a dream, I don't ever want to wake up from it. Nick sits up, and his arms go around my back as the kiss deepens.

"Good morning." He whispers once we pull apart. The look he gives me sends my heart into backflips again.

"Morning." I smile. But before we can say anything else, a knock sounds on the door.

"Y/N, are you there? I'm coming in! Just checking if you're okay after yesterday. Nick's not here, so I don't know if he-" The two of us spring apart just as Katie walks into the room. Her eyes go wide as she takes in the sight in front of her...her big sister in bed with the best man.

"Um....morning sis." I smile awkwardly, and Nick gives a small wave from beside me, trying to cover some of his body with the quilt.

"Oh. My. God."

~~~ "I need details immediately. What happened?" Katie asks, eyeing us both as she takes a bite from her toast.

"Katie, I swear we didn't...do it-" Nick begins, but she cuts him off.

"Not you, I mean Y/N." She states. My cheeks flash red.

"Well, uh...Nick came to see I was okay, as you know. And well..." I don't know why I'm so nervous. After all, Katie had said she was okay with me acting on my feelings for Nick, which I had done. And yet, I didn't want to tell her what happened. Maybe because she walked in on us, rather than us telling her ourselves. "We kissed. That's all." She raises an eyebrow.

"That's all? I found you both in bed together at 8am. I mean, you were both fully clothed, but still."

"We just shared a bed, we didn't do anything else." I tell her. I'm not sure if she believes me, but she nods anyway, before going back to munching on her toast. "Anyway. How are you feeling after yesterday? Is everything okay?" I ask. She reaches over the table and takes my hand.

"I'm feeling much better. Thank you for being there for me Y/N. And you Nick. Adam helped too of course. I think I'm starting to put it out of my mind." She smiles. "What, with the wedding and all." Suddenly, her eyes go wide, and she drops the toast onto her plate. "Oh my god. I'M GETTING MARRIED THIS WEEK!" She squeals. I can immediately sense her anxiety levels rising. "I'm...what if...we-" She begins to panic. "And there's the rehearsals and the dinner, and omg I still have to do this and-"

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. We're here to help. And besides, everything's ready to go, we just need to take everything over to the hotel and to the venue before the big day."

"You sure?" She asks, and I nod. Katie takes a deep breath. "You're right. I'm calm. Everything will be fine. We'll show our Dad. We'll make it a party he'll regret missing! I mean, can you believe he wanted to miss it? Idiot." A smile grows on her face, and Nick and I give each other a look, both sensing something is off.

"Uh Katie, are you sure you're okay? We can talk about it if you want." She shakes her head.

"I'm fine. Water under the bridge."

"Katie seriously, if you're still upset, we-"

"NOPE. I'm fine. How could I still be upset when I have THIS!" She waves her arms at us. "Two of my favourite people have found each other and are finally happy! Man, I love love! I love weddings!!! Best time ever. Now come on you two. We have work to do!" She announces, getting up and leaving the room, taking her plate with her.

"Uh...Is she okay?" Nick asks as we watch her go.

"I have no idea. I better keep an eye on her. I'll see you later, okay?" I ask, and he squeezes my hand for reassurance. It's going to be a long day.

~~~

"Seriously sis. I'M FINE." Katie tells me again as we load the garment bags containing our gowns into our bags. "But enough about me. What's Nick like? You know..." I gasp. "Not like that! I mean kissing wise. Was it nice?"

"Yeah, it was really nice." I answer, feeling my cheeks flushing slightly. Katie smiles.

"Maybe we'll be planning your wedding next. Will it be as awesome as mine though? We'll have to see." She winks, organising the bags. Frowning, I open my mouth to say something, but she cuts me off again. "Right, time to load these into the car. Come on sis, let's go!" She calls, picking up a load of bags and walking out of the room with them. I watch her go again. For a moment there, it almost looked like Katie's smile dropped, but she replaced it before I could say anything.

Something definitely isn't right with her.

~~~

As the day continues, and Katie and I finalise final bridal preparations, I can still sense something isn't right. But I don't want to prod her too much, so I let her go on and on about how great the wedding is going to be, and how it's going to be the best party anyone has ever been to. If she's ready to talk to me, she will.

And soon, she does. As we’re carrying boxes to the car, a centerpiece slips out of the box she is carrying, and it lands on the driveway. "I'll get it!" I call, bending down to pick it up. Before I even get back up however, I hear a sniffle from beside me.

"Just leave it. It's stupid anyway. This whole thing is stupid." I snap my head up.

"What do you mean?" I ask, rushing over to her.

"Look. There must be a reason why Dad doesn't want to come to the wedding. Even if I make it a great party, he still won't come. Maybe it's stupid." She sighs, wiping her eyes. Anger rises within me. Our Dad already made me hate myself for twenty one years, and I won't let him do the same to Katie.

"No. It's not stupid. The only reason why Dad doesn't want to come is because he expected us to welcome him back with open arms after what he did, and make him part of our family. And we didn't! He's just too proud to admit that his daughters don't care about him or what he thinks anymore."

"But...I do." She sniffs, and I pull her into a hug. "Even if he doesn't care about me."

"I'm sorry sis. But trust me. He is not worth it. He is not worth ANY of our tears. Years of therapy and trying to learn how to love myself taught me that. And look at us now! We're both happy with people we love and care about around us, and yet he can't even get his two daughters back because we know what a piece of garbage he is. He means nothing to us. If he cared a single iota about us, he would've shown up long before this. And he would have stayed for your wedding. But he didn't." Katie looks up at me, her eyes glistening.

"Maybe you're right about that..." She trails off.

"I am right. Trust me. He is not worth any of your pain. And no. Your wedding isn't stupid. Who was the one who specifically wanted a vintage shabby chic theme for your wedding, even when your planner said it is one of the most basic and popular choices?"

"Me."

"And who has constantly picked things she wanted without letting anyone else change her mind...even Caroline and the bachelorette venue? Or me and this town?" Katie sniffles, and giggles.

"Me!"

"And who's going to have a PERFECT wedding, all by herself, not giving a single fuck about whether or not her Dad is there?"

"...Me?"

"That's right! Because you and Adam picked out everything to please yourselves. Nobody else. So you don't need to worry about pleasing our Dad or making him jealous, because pleasing others is never what you wanted to do. All you ever wanted to do was celebrate your love to Adam. And you'll do exactly that. Dad or no Dad." I tell her. "And besides. I think these centerpieces are beautiful. After all. I helped make them, so I might be biased." Katie laughs again at that, this time a proper, happy laugh. It makes me smile.

"Yeah...yeah you're right. I'm sorry about that. I was probably letting what happened yesterday and my nerves get the best of me."

"It's okay. Hey. How about when we get back home, I give you the number of my therapist? You don't have to go...but maybe it'll do us both good to talk about it with a professional. It’s been really helpful for me so far."

"I'd like that."

"And until then, you know I'm always here for you right?" Katie nods, and we hug again. We both load the box into the car, and head back towards the house. I slip my arm around her waist and pull her in close. Another crisis averted. For now anyway.

"Wait, did you just say that you're in love with Nick?" Katie asks, her eyes wide.

"I said nothing of the sort." I mean, I didn't...it just slipped out. I don't even know how I feel about him. I mean, I like him, of course I do, and I want to see him again after the wedding is over. It's just...I don't know if he wants to see me again. And love is a strong word to use when we only kissed yesterday. And this morning. Still though. It's too soon. "You idiot." A little voice in my head says. "Of course he wants to see you again. He wouldn't have kissed you otherwise. He's not the kind of person to kiss someone and then just ditch them....at least I hope not."

"Look at you blush! You totally did say that!" Katie grins, pointing at my face. "Are you going to tell him?"

"No! Katie I don't even know how I feel yet, or how he feels. And besides, it's not like I have time to think about it, because we're literally leaving the day after tomorrow to go to the wedding rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner, and then we're staying in the hotel with the rest of the bridal party the night before, remember?"

"Yeah, you're right. But you should give it a think." She says, and I nod. She was right, of course. But I didn't want to think about it. I wasn't ready to consider the possibility that Nick was going to leave me, and that I'd be alone again. I already have to deal with what feels like losing my younger sister to her new family, I can't handle losing Nick too. I mean, I was happy for Katie, of course I was. What kind of monster would I be if I wasn't happy for my little sister getting married after the shit childhood we had? But it had just been the two of us for so long. We lived together for so long, spoke everyday on the phone when we were at university, and we even live about an hour away from each other by train. But now I have to come to terms with the realisation that she might not be living so close to me after she gets married. I know I can't protect her for the rest of her life, and I don't want to smother her...but actually coming to terms with that was hard. God, is this what parents feel like when their kids finally leave the nest? Cause it's shit.

~~~

That night, as I finish packing up my things to take to the hotel before the wedding, I spot a picture of Katie and I the night of her senior prom. Smiling fondly, I pick it up and sit down on my bed, looking down at the picture. There's a knock on the door.

"Come in." I call. Nick opens the door and sits beside me.

"Hey. What'cha looking at?" He asks.

"This is Katie and I the night of her senior prom." I let him look at the picture.

"Oh my god, her dress looks like a marshmallow."

"Hey! I helped her pick that out! It's a very pretty marshmallow. Even if it's bright pink and sparkly."

"Is her dress like this?" He asks.

"No! You'll see it on Friday." I sigh, looking down at the picture. "God, this feels like it was just yesterday, and now she's getting married..." I trail off as tears start to fill in my eyes. Fuck. I can't cry in front of Nick.

"Hey, are you alright?" Nick asks. He gently presses a soft kiss to the side of my head. And that is what sets my tears off. Shit. I mean, Nick has seen me at some of the worst points of my life, and still stayed beside me, but it doesn't mean that I like being so vulnerable in front of him.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I sniff, wiping my eyes. "It's just been tough, realising that she's growing up and won't be my little sister who's just across the hall from me or an hour away from me anymore. It's dumb, I know. This was always going to happen, I just never thought about it until now." Nick smiles softly.

"I understand. It's not dumb." He gently takes my hand, and I look over at him. God, how is he always SO nice? I swear it's not normal. As I look into his blue eyes, I realise that I’m not ready to say goodbye to Katie...and I’m definitely not ready to say goodbye to Nick either. I’m not ready for this change. "Maybe you should talk to her about it though. I mean, she is your sister, I'm just a friend of hers.” 

“Easier said than done." I sigh. “She’s focused on only the wedding right now, and then she’ll be away on her honeymoon early the next morning, so I don’t think I’ll have any time to.” Nick gives me a small smile, and gently rubs my arm.

"Well I hope you do get to speak to her. It sounds important.” His face lights up with remembrance. “Oh! By the way, when you get a chance, can we talk? About...this? About us?" He asks. My heart sinks. This is what I've been worrying about. I can feel my separation anxiety is about to rear its ugly head again. Maybe Nick does want to leave me after this wedding. And then Katie will be gone too, and I’ll be all alone again.

"I mean, we can try, but given that the wedding is literally in four days, it might be too hard to do that." I laugh awkwardly, hoping that he doesn’t pick up on my nervousness. Thankfully Nick chuckles. “We could, uh, talk about it now if you want?” I offer. Nick shakes his head.

“Sorry, but I can’t now. Adam needs me to help sort some stuff in like ten minutes, and then I’m booked and busy for the rest of the week.”

“Same here. But we’ll talk. I promise. You better go help Adam.” I reassure him. Smiling, Nick pecks my lips, and leaves the room. As the door closes behind him, I sigh, trying not to let my anxiety get the best of me. Nick likes me. He keeps kissing me, after all. He must like me. Right? He obviously wants to tell me he wants to see me again. At least, that’s what I hope for. Ever since I was young, I’ve wanted someone to love and to love me back. Someone who wasn’t my family. Someone who wouldn’t leave me...and even though it might be too soon, I think Nick might be that person for me.

I just hope he feels the same.

~~~

Three Days Later: The Night of the Wedding Rehearsal and the Rehearsal Dinner. One Day til the Wedding.

“THAT’S Nick?!” Brooke gasps, pointing over at where Nick is standing, talking to some other groomsmen. “He’s even more attractive in real life.”

“Yup. Isn’t he dreamy?” Katie sighs fondly. We all look over at her. “What, just cause I’m getting married tomorrow doesn’t mean I can’t have one last look. He is nice, isn’t he Y/N?” She asks, wiggling her brows which almost makes me choke on my champagne. All of the bridesmaid’s faces turn to me, some frowning at me. “Oh, didn’t she tell you that she and Nick are totally a thing now?” My mouth drops open, along with the rest of the girls. 

“That’s not true, we haven’t even spoken about-” But before I can finish, the officiant clears their throat, encouraging us to take our places for the wedding rehearsal. As Katie and I walk to the beginning of the makeshift aisle, we pass Nick on the way. 

“Hey.” He smiles, and my heart almost stops. God he’s gorgeous. He’s wearing a suit, just minus a tie. I can see part of his chest poking through his shirt. If this is how I feel seeing him now, how will I manage to see him in his full suit tomorrow? And the fact we haven’t even managed to speak about our feelings for each other yet wasn’t helping either.

“Hi.” I whisper. 

“Good luck with uh...you know. This.” He says. I raise an eyebrow. 

“With...walking?” Nick’s face flushes pink, and I hear Katie snigger from beside me.

“Y..Yeah! With walking. And heels and stuff. Don’t want you to break your ankle before tomorrow or anything.” I start giggling, and even Nick lets out a small smile. Even if it’s a bit awkward, it’s still cute, and I appreciate the sentiment.

“I’ll try. Thanks Nick. See you soon.” We both nod, and Katie and I take our positions. Katie is still giving me a look, and I frown. “What?”

“You and Nick! Look at you. It’s so obvious that you two have the hots for each other. Anyone in this room can see it. Even Adam’s parents.” Now I start blushing, and I hiss:

“Okay, we are not talking about this right now, especially not at your wedding rehearsal dinner of all places.” Katie just gives me a wink, and the two of us don’t say anything else as the bridesmaids and groomsmen start to walk down the aisle together. Soon, it’s our turn to go. As we walk down the aisle together, my eyes wander towards Nick. He’s staring at me. Why is he staring at me? God what if I do fall? Shit. Okay Y/N, think of anything BUT Nick.

Nick’s POV

“Why are you staring at her like that?” Adam whispers.

“What? I’m not staring at anyone.” I lie. Adam rolls his eyes. 

“Come on man, it’s pretty obvious.” He retorts, before turning back and walking up to receive Katie from Y/N so they can be married. Y/N smiles widely as she mimes handing her sister over to be married, and her smile makes me feel all warm inside. It’s a beautiful smile. It fits her perfectly. Y/N takes her place beside the other bridesmaids, and her gaze catches my eye again. She gives me a small smile, and I smile back. She looks stunning. She’s in a navy lace dress that hugs her figure perfectly. And I just want to rip it off of her. God, I hope she likes me back too. Even though we’ve kissed each other, I still can’t be sure. Y/N’s such a great person, and she deserves someone who can tell her that everyday. And I want to be that person for her. But before I can think of anything else, Adam and Katie suddenly cut into my thoughts:

“And then this is when we get the rings from Nick and do our vows.” Katie explains, and I nod. God, my best friend is getting married to the love of his life tomorrow and all I’m thinking about is how I want to make out with the maid of honour. I need to talk to her about my true feelings as soon as possible. The wedding rehearsal finishes up pretty quickly, but before I can talk to Y/N, she’s swept up by Katie and the rest of her bridal party who leave the room, clearly ready to go to dinner together. I sigh as Adam walks up behind me. 

“Come on loverboy. You can talk to her later.” He says. I frown, about to ask him how he knows what I’m thinking about, but he doesn’t respond, and instead gives me a knowing look. “Come on lover boy, we better go.” He orders, walking away with the rest of the groomsmen. I sigh. Hopefully he’s right, and that I can talk to Y/N soon.

~~~

A few hours later

Y/N’s POV

“So.” Vanessa begins, sipping on her wine. We have finished our dinner, and Vanessa, Sam and I are hanging out with each other. “You and Nick, huh?” She raises an eyebrow. My heart rate speeds up, and I gulp down the rest of my wine, already feeling the familiar buzz of becoming tipsy. God, I wish I brought more.

“Uh, what about us?” I frown, trying to feign innocence. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t work. She and Sam scoff.

“He’s been staring at you for the whole night. Actually, babe, is he still looking at her?” She asks Sam. Sam’s head whips around, not subtly at all, and my cheeks flush red.

“Yup, he’s still looking.” She confirms, and goes back to sipping her beer like nothing major was going on. My cheeks now feel like they’re on fire. “Awww, young love.” She smiles. “I remember that feeling, don’t you babe?” Vanessa nods.

“Why don’t you talk to him? He obviously wants to talk to you. Either that, or he’s trying to win a staring contest.” I splutter.

“I can’t talk to him! For one, my sister is getting married tomorrow, so that takes priority, and I don’t even know if he likes me in that way, despite our kiss.” Sam and Vanessa’s eyes go wide. Now I remember why I don’t drink wine. Because I can’t shut up when I do.

“YOU KISSED?!” They gasp in unison. I quickly shush them, but they continue. “Okay, you definitely need to talk to him. Now.”

“But-”

“But nothing. Katie will understand. And don’t be silly, of course he likes you in that way.” They reassure me, gently pushing me in Nick’s direction. “And if he breaks your heart, we’ll deal with it.” They wink, giving me one last push. Why does it feel like I’m being thrown to the wolves? Nick sees me, and he smiles, relief flooding his features. My heart rate speeds up even more. He’s so beautiful. I can do this, right? I just have to go up to him and say:

“Hey, I think you’re extremely attractive, and I want to know how you feel about me, even though we’ve kissed a lot these past few days, and I was wondering if you wanted to be my boyfriend?” ....Okay no. No wonder I’ve been single this long if this is what I think classifies asking someone out. Maybe I should just talk to him? Even though it’s easier said than done. I take a deep breath, steeling myself, and start the walk over to him. It might be easier said than done, but I have to do it. 

But just as I’m about to reach him, a voice from beside me calls:

“Oh Y/N, dear!” Adam’s mother walks up to me. Oh great. Just what I need. I’ve only spent time with Adam’s mother a few times, probably less than ten times, and she was lovely all those times, but I have more important things to do. 

“Hi, it’s nice to see you again, but I actually-” I begin, before she links her arm with mine, and pulls me in the direction of some more aunts and uncles. Oh, this is not good. “Actually, I have to do some-” I start, but she cuts me off.

“I wanted to introduce you to some people. Adam’s great aunt Agnes actually has a question about tomorrow, and I thought you’d be able to help, because you and Katie have done such a wonderful job so far.” That’s nice, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to be able to fix before tomorrow. And I have more important things to do. I look back over at Nick, mouthing the word sorry to him, and he nods, but still looks disappointed. I sigh. There goes that chance to clear things up. Meanwhile, Adam’s mother is still chattering away, and hasn’t even noticed me looking at Nick, or my half assed replies or nods. Thankfully, Katie soon appears in front of us both, announcing that she needs me for important maid of honour duties. I sigh happily. Thank god. “Wait!” Adam’s mother calls before we leave. “I just wanted to say...I know you girls haven’t had a mother figure in your lives for a while, and I just wanted to say that you both have one in me. Even you Y/N. Your sister may be marrying my son, but I love you both as if you were my own. And besides, after tomorrow, we’re family!” She smiles, pulling us both into a tight hug. As she squeezes me tightly, I feel tears stinging at my eyes. Now I feel bad for trying to escape...even though it was so I could confess my love for the best man. “If either of you need anything, I’m here for you okay?” She asks, and we nod. “See you tomorrow.” Katie and I wave, and she leads me away. 

“Thanks for saving me.” I whisper. “Now, where did Nick get to?” Katie frowns.

“Nick? He and the rest of the groomsmen left to go back to the house a while ago.” My heart sinks. Dammit. “I was actually coming to get you. It’s time for us to head over to the hotel, and I gotta give you girls your presents!” She squeals excitedly. She leads me outside to a limo, and we get inside, being greeted by the others. Sam and Vanessa look at me expectantly, but I shake my head. They look disappointed, but say nothing. As the car sets off towards the hotel, everyone starts to chatter excitedly and pass around glasses of champagne, while I just stare out of the window. I know my mind should be focused on my sister, and I am excited for her, of course I am...but I just want to see Nick.

~~~ In the Hotel

“Okay, so these are your robes to wear while we’re getting ready tomorrow.” Katie explains, passing them around. “Aaaaand, there’s these too. There’s a little note in each.” She hands each of us a little gift bag. Soon, the room fills with a chorus of ‘awww’ and ‘thank you’. I reach into my bag and pull out a bracelet with a little heart charm. My initials are engraved into the charm. “Read the note.” Katie tells me, and I open it.

“Dear Y/N, aka the best big sister in the world. I just wanted to say thank you for everything you’ve ever done, and continue to do for me. I know I say this to you a lot, but it’s true. I hope to one day repay the kindness you’ve shown me over the years. You’ve been the only person who has supported and loved me throughout our lives. Even though I may not be able to see you as often as usual, I’ll always be there for you. You’ve been the one constant in my life, and our bond is unbreakable. I’m not going anywhere any time soon, and I’m not letting you go either!

Lots and lots of love,

Katie xxx

P.S. Ask Nick out. Please. He won’t shut up about you and to be honest it’s getting annoying.”

With tears stinging my eyes, I immediately pull Katie into a huge hug, which she returns, squeezing me tightly. “I love you so much.” She whispers, as we both start crying in each others arms, and the other girls comfort us as best they can. I was worrying for nothing. Katie was right: our bond is unbreakable, regardless of where we live, and who we’re with. 

Whatever happens, she’ll always be my sister, and my best friend.

~~~

The Next Day: Wedding Day.

Small lines of sunlight come through the windows and into the room. The room is silent, aside from a few snores and the occasional mumbling as the girls turn in their sleep. Soon however, the peace is shattered with an excited squeal.

“I’M GETTING MARRIED TODAY!”

[pandoraborn]

Inspired by this tik tok!

(disclaimer: I know this isn’t canon, but I was inspired by this tik tok/dsmp theory, and I wanted to write a one-shot based around it.)

-----------------------------------------

Mellohi is playing again. Ranboo is raising his pickaxe, ready to break down each piece of obsidian to try and find the hidden jukebox, afraid that someone had found his panic room and vandalized it. He’s screaming, too. He doesn’t know who to scream at, but his cries are echoing around him regardless, bouncing off the walls and causing his own voice to pierce his thoughts.

“I don’t know what’s happening!” Ranboo yells out. A piece of obsidian falls when he strikes the wall, but there’s nothing more to see. Bits and pieces are falling around him, but he kicks them away as he continues to strike the wall in random spots. He’s becoming more frantic, especially now that he can hear a faint voice above the music.

“Talk to me! Help me!”

“Ranboo.”

That’s Dream’s voice. That’s Dream’s voice. That’s Dream’s voice. That’s... Ranboo cranes his neck back, staring up at the ceiling. The music is starting to sound more faint, distorted. It’s causing a sense of unease inside of Ranboo, and he wishes he could go home, run to safety in the shelter of Techno and Phil. They’d help him They have to.

“Ranboo, can you hear me?”

“What?” He lowers his arm, followed by his head. He turns toward the exit, as if running out of this room would save him. He can’t bring himself to move, remaining rooted in place. It’s as if his entire body is resisting his will.

“Can you hear me? I need you to wake up and talk to me.”

Why is he hearing Dream’s voice again? Why is he hearing Dream’s voice so vividly? This isn’t like the previous times he’d heard the voice; it doesn’t sound disembodied, and it’s not echoing around him. It’s coming from a certain direction now, so Ranboo forces his head to turn in that direction.

“I didn’t do it,” Ranboo pleads. “I didn’t do anything. I know I didn’t, I would’ve remembered.”

“That’s what I’m trying to help you with. What I’ve been trying to help you with. I need you to focus. I keep losing you.”

The walls themselves almost seem to be melting. Again, Ranboo wonders if breaking through the threshold will save his sanity. There’s nothing to remember, nothing to really soul-search over. He can’t keep letting this voice control him. The panic is clearly manifesting into his own personal demons, and he needs to leave. He needs to leave...

“No, no!” Ranboo shakes his head rapidly. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t do anything, Dream did. I didn’t help him, I just...”

“But you did do it. You admitted to it, which is why I’m trying to help you. You’re not in trouble, I just need you to come back to me. I’ve done nothing but try and help you.”

Dream sounds genuine. Dream sounds concerned, and Ranboo wants to seek him out. He wants that comfort, but there’s something about accepting it from Dream that makes him feel sick. Dream caused all this, Dream caused all the madness that spread.

“Why should I trust you?” Ranboo asks. “I have no reason to trust you or anyone.” Just one step toward the exit. One step closer to freedom. It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. It’ll be...

“Because, I’ve always tried to help you. I was here this whole time, with you. I didn’t have to be, but I was. You’re lost inside your head, I’m just trying to help you remember.” This time, Dream’s voice is accompanied by a physical presence that Ranboo hadn’t felt before. He whips back around, expecting to see Dream standing in front of him, but all he sees is more obsidian.

More, more...surrounded by obsidian. There’s so much of it. Even spinning back around reveals that his opening is gone. Replaced with obsidian, no light. No light. No escape. No freedom. Nowhere to run to. No one to-

No.

Dream is with him. Dream, with his mask on, though pushed up so Ranboo can see his mouth. The lighting is too dim for him to make out features, but whatever lighting is left shows that Dream might be smiling.

“There you are,” Dream says soothingly. “I’ve been trying to wake you up for awhile now. You keep going catatonic on me.”

“Where am I? This...this isn’t my panic room.” Ranboo clutches his chest, looking down. There’s no pickaxe in his hand. There’s still music playing, but now he can see the jukebox it’s coming from. There’s lighting somewhere nearby; a flickering candle or two, because the shadows are dancing across Dream that casts a sinister glow across the man. Is Dream even a man?

“You’re in prison,” Dream explains. “You’ve been here for a few days now. You don’t remember?”

“I don’t...I was free. I was safe, I know I was. I had Enderchest with me and I built my comfort room. And...”

“Ranboo, Techno and Phil came to me with concerns about you. They said you told them some funny things, and you’ve been in here for days muttering about how you needed to remember. I’m the only one you let get close to you anymore, you scream whenever anyone else gets close.” Dream holds a hand up, as if he’s going to offer physical comfort. Ranboo recoils, scooting away from him.

“Don’t touch me. Don’t get close to me, I don’t want to be here, I want to go home!” The panic is welling up all over again, and Ranboo feels his mind starting to go foggy. Along with that is coming a sensation he doesn’t feel very often: tears wanting to well up. He’s not going to cry, not in front of Dream. “Why can’t I go home?”

“Ran, did you blow up the community house?” Dream asks. “I need to know who did it.”

“I don’t know, I really don’t know. I want to go home. I want my friends.”

“I can get Techno for you. He and Phil aren’t too far away. Ranboo, we’re here to help you. I just need you to remember.”

He forces himself to focus. Dream is pushing up the mask more, so Ranboo can see freckles. He didn’t know Dream had freckles. There’s something about this that seems oddly endearing, and equally as terrifying. Ranboo swears he’s seen someone with freckles before. There’s something about this that seems all too familiar, like some forgotten dream.

Dream. Dream.

“Have I talked to you before? Did I really get a disc from you?”

There’s a pause as Dream seems to ponder the question. Ranboo still can’t see Dream’s eyes, but he can see the corners of his lips curl downward, the clenched teeth, or even the way his nostrils flair. He’s clearly angry. Or upset.

“You did,” Dream finally says. “But it wasn’t exactly a pleasant encounter. It could have gone worse, though.”

“What happened? I can’t remember, please tell me. You have to tell me.”

“You’re half enderman, Ran. In that state you might be...confident, but you’re also not great. I gave you a disc, yeah, but it wasn’t because I wanted or needed you. It was because you wanted to prove you were worth something. I didn’t really like what I saw. I was actually a little scared; you kinda held me at knife point.”

“...but...but you said you trusted me more in that state. You...you took advantage of me. I don’t like being used. I just want to be left alone. I don’t want to pick sides.”

“I did trust you. I still trust you. Not just in that state, but in this one as well. I did give you that disc for safekeeping, but it wasn’t because I was forcing you into anything. You were the one determined to prove yourself. Something about not wanting to be spineless anymore. You said you had something else planned, but wouldn’t tell me.” Dream shakes his head. “Was the community center the plan? Did you have anything else planned?”

“I don’t remember!” Ranboo clutches his head, hunching over. He wishes he could fall through the floor. His brain is getting foggy. He’s hyperventilating-

“Ranboo!” Dream reaches out, grabbing at his shoulders. “Ranboo, it’s okay! It’s okay! Look, I just don’t want you hurting yourself anymore!”

“Dream it’s not okay! If I did bad things, then I...then...then I’m a villain, aren’t I? I’m the bad guy! I don’t want to be the bad guy!”

There they are. The tears are finally streaming down his cheeks, in a stupid, pathetic display of confusion, grief, and everything all coming forward at once. Even worse, is the fact that Dream is watching. That adds a whole new level of shame.

“You’re not a bad guy,” Dream says. “You’re confused, and scared, and clearly not well. It’s going to be okay. You’re not in here because you did bad things, you’re in here because I was trying to help you. I’m sorry I scared you. I’m sorry I pushed you.”

“I don’t want to be the bad guy,” Ranboo chokes out. “I don’t want to be hated, I just...I want to go home.”

There’s a long pause. Dream says nothing as he pulls back slowly, pulling the disc out of the jukebox and putting it away. He says nothing as he reaches down and pulls Ranboo to his feet. Ranboo’s forgotten how much taller he is compared to others. Towering over Dream and sobbing adds a whole new level of awkwardness.

“Sometimes I forget you’re just a kid yourself,” Dream mutters. “With how much you also deal with. Also the height, damn.”

“Will you kill me?” Ranboo asks. His voice is too cracked and broken to speak normally, and it’s barely above a whisper at this point.

“No, I won’t kill you. But listen, I won’t tell anyone. If anyone asks, it was me. No one needs to know what role you played in this. I think you’ve been through enough.”

“So...I’m not the bad guy?”

“No, you’re just confused,” Dream repeats. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll cover for you.” He reaches a hand out again, pushing the mask up with his other hand. Now Ranboo can see his full face. He tries to memorize it, not wanting to forget that smile. Maybe in this one instance, Dream isn’t the bad guy. That smile on his face looks friendly and even sad.

Ranboo knows he’s going to forget.

“Come on Ran, Techno and Phil are waiting for you.”

Ranboo takes his hand, feeling more security than he’s felt in a long time. Dream may be the ultimate villain, but even gods have soft spots. He’s happy to be Dream’s.

[chuckbass-love]

Any interest in writing a fic where Chris cheats on his girlfriend/ wife and how they work through it. Also his family being involved in the fic.

I rarely see fics with Chris cheating, so of course i’ll write this. I just knowwwww Lisa would give that man child hell for it. I include lyrics from the song Battle Scars by Lupe Fiasco and Guy Sebastian, they are in italics.

I really hope you love this...

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Cheating, angst and sad themes pretty much. 

Word Count: 5,836

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @voyevoda-thejoy go check them out 💙

Get Through This

You strut into the kitchen of the house you share with your husband Chris, ready to make dinner for the two of you. It’s valentines day and you’ve not seen him for months. He’s been filming and as much as you were aware of what his job entailed, you still get upset whenever he has to leave. But after this project, he’s all yours and Dodgers for a while. You can’t wait.

He texted you to let you know that he’d be home in just under an hour, enough time to start on dinner. 

The table is set, you’re already in a sexy outfit, hidden underneath your silk dressing gown. He’s going to have the best welcome home gift ever and you just know he’s going to be all over you like a rash.

The pasta is cooking so you start on the sauce next, trying your hardest not to fuck this up. He sent god knows how many texts about how much he’s missed your cooking and you want it to perfect for him. He deserves nothing but the best.

As you’re stirring the sauce, your phone goes off, it’s Instagram and then next thing you know. You get a ton of Twitter notifications too. Way too many for your liking. 

You unlock the phone and check Twitter first, seeing as you have the most notifications for that. 

But once you open the messages that are all from the same account. You almost drop your phone at the images on your screen. 

Of Chris.

Kissing another woman. His hands around her waist. You feel sick, numb, broken and stupid. 

He’s your husband. 

Why is he doing this?

I wish i never looked 

I wish i never touched

I wish that i could stop loving you so much

You drop the phone on the kitchen counter and rush over to the sink to be sick. It’s not stopping, you can’t stop it. The thought of him with another woman that’s not you, the thought of him kissing or touching another makes you’re whole body turn cold. The puking continues as more questions and thoughts riddle your brain. 

‘who is she?’

‘why would he do this to you?’

‘how long has it been going on?’

‘how did it start?’

‘is there more to it other than kissing?’

You stand upright, taking a paper towel and using it to wipe your mouth as you try to keep the puke at bay. 

He’s going to be home soon. What the fuck do you even say to him?

You pick the phone back up to see if there was even a message attached to the pictures but there wasn’t. So you go to Instagram to check that, it’s a different account, with the same pictures.

Multiple people have these images. Multiple people know about his actions. What if they end up online? What about your family? His family? What if they see them too?

You try to calm your breathing, your heart is pounding. You can’t stop it, you grip onto the counter, one hand over your chest, as if that will somehow stop the feeling of your heart practically beating it’s way out of your chest. Like somehow it’ll make this all go away.

This robe is way too tight. You struggle to undo it, fiddling with it, your hands are shaky, your breathing turns more erratic. You turn the stove off, rushing upstairs seconds after and into the bedroom you share with your husband.

The same husband that you once trusted with your heart and life. The same husband that you never ever imagined doing this to you but then again, who ever thinks that their partner will ever do this to them? Exactly, it’s always unexpected. 

This has to be a dream, right?

This isn’t like him, this isn’t Chris. Or at least not the Chris you know and love. The Chris you married.

There has to be some kind of explanation right?

No. Stop this Y/N

Cause i’m the only one that’s trying to keep us together

When all of the signs say that i should forget him

There is no explanation for this. No explanation he could possibly give you for kissing another woman and possibly sleeping with her. He looks way too cosy for this to be just a kiss.

There’s more to this. 

You run into the walk in closet, ripping your clothes from their hangers in a panic. Tears fill your eyes and fall down your face. You can’t stop this, the feeling of hurt and betrayal, the pain that fills your body to the brim, drowning you. You feel on the edge of a tall building right now. Like the smallest of movements could happen and you would just fall to the ground. 

You change quickly before you pack everything that you can, everything that belongs to you, your clothes, underwear, toothbrush, skin care shit, make-up. The lot. You pack two suitcases and a duffle bag and that’s only the stuff you need right now. You can always get the rest if you need to. You can’t stay here any longer than you need to though.

But first, you need to face him.

“Honey?” you hear, the familiar Bostonian accent echos through the house as the door slams shut and all of a sudden, there he is in the doorway. 

“Something smells delicious, are you cooking?” he smiles, a fake smile no doubt. Bet he’d rather be with her.

I wish you weren’t the best

The best i ever had

I wish that the good outweighed the bad

You stand there, ignoring his question for a couple seconds as your gaze drops to the screen of your phone. You click on the images and slide the phone over to him. He walks closer “what’s this honey?” and he goes to talk again but soon stops when he realises what they are. 

“Baby, i-i can explain”

“Don’t even bother” 

He walks around the kitchen island to you and you move the bags out the way so that they are in his eye line. He glances over them “what’s all this? Are you leaving me? Please, don’t i can explain all of this?”

As hard as you try not to, you start to cry again. Through the blurred vision, you see him wipe at his face, is he seriously crying too? He’s the one that cheated.

“Don’t start acting like you’re the one upset here Chris. You did this to me, remember?”

“I didn’t mean for anything to happen, i got caught up. It’s no excuse but i really am sorry”

“How long?” you mutter through gritted teeth, not even caring how nasty you sound right now “it was only the once” lies. All lies.

“Don’t fucking lie to me”

He takes a step back, holding his hands up in surrender and as soon as he does, Dodger comes running into the room, jumping up Chris and trying to get attention. He bends down, fussing the excited pup that has clearly missed his daddy. 

“Dodge, boo boo” he coos, letting him lick his face. A sight that not even an hour ago would have made your heart melt, a sight that would have been filmed by you for sure and posted on your Instagram for his fans to see.

Once he calms the dog down, he stands up to look at you.

“Can we please just talk this over? Please. I want to sort this”

“What is there to sort Chris? You were with someone else. How many times did you see her? What did you do with her? Is she better than me huh? Can she give you things that i can’t? ANSWER ME DAMMIT”

He jumps at the change in your voice, the shouting. It’s not like you. You’re the most calm person he knows, the one person who he’d say if you were any more laid back then you’d probably fall over. But not this time. You really are mad, which rightly so. He’s hurt you like no one else ever has. 

The man who vowed to love you until death has cheated on you.

I wish i couldn’t feel 

I wish i couldn’t love

I wish that i could stop cause it hurts so much

You pick your bags up and shove past him as he tries to answer but fails. 

That’s when he grabs a hold of your wrist to stop you in your tracks.

“I saw her once only, it was on a weekend when i had a break from filming. It wasn’t anymore than that. I promise, i give you my word. It was just that once” he sighs, loosening his grip and letting your wrist go as you stand back to back.

“We just kissed at first, it was a one off kiss. She made the move on me, we were drinking, near my trailer, she was working on the set of the movie. She was assisting the wardrobe department. I kissed her back the second time she made a pass and it got a bit heated but i stopped it”

You feel sick again. Like you could vomit right now just from his explanation.

“Then the third time, i let myself get carried away. We went back to her hotel room and kissed some more, she got on top of me and we got undressed” he stops the story, hearing you sob the way you are right now makes his heart ache.

“We had sex. She started kissing my neck, she was touching me down there and I’m sorry, i’m so sorry honey. I didn’t, i didn’t mean for it to happen. i didn’t mean to lie for so long. She’s not better than you, no woman could ever be better than you” he turns around and so do you, the hurt in his eyes is clear.

“She can’t offer me anything Y/N. I want you, i love you. You’re everything to me. This has eaten away at me for months. I’m so sorry, please don’t leave me”

“Chris” you turn your head, unable to look at him right now. 

“Please, Y/N please” he takes your hands in his, squeezing them as if that is going to make you stay.

You just shake your head, ripping them from his grip.

“I can’t, Chris. I need to go” 

This is hard enough as it is and he’s making it ten times more difficult to leave. This man in front of you, isn’t even recognisable anymore. He’s not the man you married, the man you’ve been with for 10 years. The man you were so close to starting a family with.

That man is gone.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, i didn’t mean for it to happen”

He gets down on his knees, begging for your forgiveness, for you to not walk out of that door.

“I believe that you didn’t mean for it to happen and i believe that you love me but you still let it happen Chris and i just, i can’t be here right now” you pick the bags up and walk away from him but as you get to the door, you hear him crying, not just the regular kind. No. He’s screaming crying, like his heart has just been ripped from his chest, like he knows the mistake he made. 

But does that matter? Does any of that matter now? He still did it.

You open the door and slam it shut, leaving him sat there on the floor.

He knows that this is all his own doing. 

He didn’t mean for it to happen, he was intoxicated and it was all a mistake. He feels empty, without you here. Without your love, your kiss, your touch. He feels completely broken.

You on the other hand are breaking down, in the car, on the way to your sisters house, trying your hardest to keep your eyes on the road. It’s probably not the best idea to drive in your state but you had to get out. You couldn’t have waited around for an Uber. No chance. 

If you stayed any longer, your weak ass would have crumbled in front of him and taken him back. 

And you can’t let that happen right now. You have to respect yourself and your space. Regardless of how much he regrets it, he was still with another woman and that’s not right.

You pull up outside of your sisters house, unannounced. 

You knock the door with your shaky hand, trying to keep the tears back but they fall before she even answers and when she does. You sob, falling into her arms.

She squeezes you tight before breaking away to see your bags, it’s like she knows what’s happened without even needing to ask you.

She guides you inside, sitting you down before taking your bags and leaving them by the staircase. 

You don’t know how you are going to explain everything to her, this is not going to be easy.

--------------------

She rubs your arm as you finish talking, her husband strolls in with a cup of tea for you and you sit there hoping it’ll make everything suddenly become fake. Like it was a dream and you’d snap out of this daze. But you don’t. 

The first sip shocks you as the hot beverage burns your tongue. You’re definitely going to need something stronger.

An hour passes, you cry some more and eventually the tea turns to wine. 

One drink down and you’re rendering on angry now. You can’t control the constant switch in your behaviour because after the second glass, you’re back to the crying again. 

You get to your fifth glass and you’re slurring your words.

That’s when your phone rings, you hear the muffled ring tone so you search in your duffle bag to find it, pulling it out to find that it’s Lisa. Chris’s mother. 

“Answer it” your sister instructs, nodding her head towards the phone.

“Hi Lisa” you muster up the best fake happy voice you can “hi sweetie, is Chris back yet? Because we were all wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner, i’m making a cake for deserts and it’ll be nice to see him”

“Um, he’s back. He got back a couple of hours ago now”

“Are you both free to come by?”

“I’m kinda busy at the moment, you’ll have to ring Chris to see if he’s free” 

Your voice cracks at the end of the sentence, you pray to god that she doesn’t notice but of course, she does.

“What’s wrong sweetie? Where are you, i thought you’d be with him?”

“I’m at my sisters, um. I-” you can’t even finish, Alex takes your phone, raising it to her ear to speak to her for you.

“Hi Lisa, it’s Alex”

“What’s going on?” you can hear her voice despite it not being on speakerphone “it’s Chris, Y/N, received images of him with another woman, he admitted to her that he slept with someone else whilst he was away”

The line goes dead, she hung up. 

Alex, pulls you into her arms once again, cradling you as you let it all out. 

She doesn’t know how to fix you, she wishes she could magically take your pain away. But she can’t. This can’t be fixed by anyone else other than you and Chris. But even then, it would take a lot for you to ever forgive him.

Meanwhile back at your house, Chris is still on the floor. Dodger sits next to him, wagging his tail.

Then a door knocks.

He forces himself up and back onto his feet, dragging them over to go answer it and when he sees his mother, he knows. The look on her face says it all. She pushes past him, making her way into the living room. 

“Ma, i can explain”

“How could you do that to her, Chris. I raised you better than that. To even look at another woman like that is wrong let alone kissing and having sex”

“I know. Ma. It didn’t mean anything. She was nothing to me. I was drunk, i got carried away, i was missing Y/N so much”

“No excuses Chris, you’ve messed up. I can’t believe you. I’m so disappointed and confused. You’re a grown man, a married man”

“I know” 

“You need to fix this, prove to her that you love her and that it won’t happen again. Because right now, she’s at her sisters house, barely able to get her words out”

He looks down, not able to even give direct eye contact to the woman who raised him, the woman who taught him right from wrong. She didn’t raise no cheater or no quitter.

She raised a boy to a man who knew how to respect everyone around him, how to treat a lady, how to carry himself. A man who wears his heart on his sleeve and loves with everything in his body. A man who is sensitive yet strong.

“She won’t forgive me ma, i’ve fucked it. I can’t lose her”

“Right now, you need to give her space, let her breathe, but once she’s had that, she’ll have calmed down and maybe she’ll hear you out. But you need to work for this son, this won’t come easily. Remember what i’ve always told you?”

“Nothing good or worth fighting for, comes easy”

She leans in, opening her arms for her broken son, soothing him with ‘sh, it’s going to be okay’s’ and ‘i got you’s’

--------------------

“Could you ever see yourself forgiving him?”

You go to respond but you’re mind keeps on replaying all the things he said before you left, that he didn’t mean it and she meant nothing.

“I don’t know. I love him so much Al. He’s my husband. Of course i want to fight for this but i don’t know if i’m strong enough”

“If there’s one thing i’ve realised over the years, when it comes to you and Chris. There’s nothing the two of you can’t do. No obstacle that you can’t face together. He made a mistake which granted was wrong and horrible and there’s no doubt in my mind that he genuinely got caught up with drinking. But he loves you, i know he does. You just need to ask yourself if you could even try to move on”

Her words have you all in your head, wondering if you can. Could you?

He slept with her, he kissed her, saw her naked. Is that forgivable? He cheated, touched another woman, kissed another woman, undressed another woman.

You’re going to need a couple of days to think, clear your head.

Lisa makes her way over to your sisters place, not caring how fast she’s driving. You need her now more than ever. She might only be your mother in law but since you lost your own mom. She’s made sure to check on you more, spend more time with you. 

You’re her third daughter and she adores you.

“Oh sweetie, come here” Alex’s husband, lets her in and she sees your tear stained face. 

You grip onto her so tight, like she’s the only thing keeping you glued together.

“I went to see him”

You motion for her to continue “he’s not good. He’s in a bad way, i know he’s messed up Y/N. And believe me, he knows that too. He told me what he did, everything. He knows it was wrong and how mad i am at him, how upset i am with him. But he loves you, so much. You’re everything to him, he wants to work through it”

“I want to work through it too but i’m scared, scared that he’ll do it again”

“After how i just saw him, i’ve never seen him that distraught, he loves you. It was a drunken mistake and it didn’t mean anything to him”

“Nothing good or worth fighting for ever comes easy”

It’s her little phrase, if you will. She always says it, whenever one of us is upset or going through a hard time. Whenever we can’t find the strength, she comes around, speaking words of wisdom and easing us.

“I think what you need now is space. Think things over, he’s willing to wait until you’re ready to talk” 

She spends some time with you, talking it over with you and Alex. Going over the details of what he did is her way of healing you. You need to be able to talk about it out loud before you face him because if you can’t then you’re going to struggle when it comes down to it.

“He said he missed you so much, that’s why he was drinking and got caught up” more tears brim in your eyes “i love him so much Lisa” her sympathetic smile comes out “and he loves you sweetie, more than you know”

Maybe her advice is what’s best for now. You need space.

Eventually, she leaves, giving you a hug before letting you get some rest.

You get changed after a shower and head to the guest room to sleep. 

Tomorrow is just another day of thinking and crying.

---------------------

It’s been 2 full days now and as you lay in bed, preparing to sleep before the third day starts, you check your phone to find a text from him.

‘I know i should leave you to it right now, give you space but you need to know this. 

When i first met you, you came into my life at a time where i had pretty much given up all hope when it came to love, i was certain that i was doomed and bound to end up alone forever. And then i met you and everything fell into place.

I was certain from the first date, that you were the one. Sounds pretty cliche when i come to think of it, but it’s true. I just knew.

You weren’t like other women, you still aren’t. You don’t doll yourself up all of the time, you prefer to keep the natural look, which i also prefer. You don’t try too hard, you’re effortlessly funny and beautiful.

You’re sarcastic but serious.

Everything about you just made me fall deeper, i couldn’t stop myself and as scared as i was, i didn’t want to stop it. I was relishing in the feeling of how i felt around you. How happy and unstoppable i felt. Like i could achieve anything with you around. 

You are the only woman i’ve ever loved that quickly. Normally love takes time but with you it didn’t. I had no trouble. It was like loving you came so naturally to me, like it was second nature.

Whilst i was away filming, i missed you so much and it had only been a couple weeks, i didn’t want to bother you too much, which is no excuse for how i acted but even so. I let myself get carried away with another woman who at a time of loneliness, gave me attention. It wasn’t right, it was wrong, so wrong and it’s forever going to remain the biggest mistake of my life.

I never wanted to hurt you, but i did. I’m supposed to be your husband, you’re supposed to be able to trust me and yet i snapped that trust into a million pieces. I let you down, i made you cry, i made you question who i was and why you even married me. I made myself unrecognisable in your eyes and that thought alone, makes me sick to my stomach, it makes me angry. Angry at who i let myself become.

Because i wasn’t raised to treat women that way. 

But you know as well as i do that it was nothing but a drunken mistake, a mistake that for as long as you’ll let me, i’ll spend forever trying to make up for. 

You mean too much to me for me to let it go. You’re my whole world. You make me the happiest man alive, you make every day worth living to the fullest. You make me a better person.

Y/N, i love you, it was once and it will never happen again. I want to make this work. I’m not asking for you to forgive me right this second and run back to my arms but even if it’s just a talk at first. One step at a time, i’m here and i want to make it work.

I love you with all my heart, honey. I want you back. I want to prove to you that you can trust me. I want to try. Anyway, you should get some sleep, i’ll see you whenever you’re ready. Love you x’

You wipe away the tears that fell whilst reading his message.

He’s never done anything like that before, whenever you’ve had a fight, he’s emotional and apologetic and he tries to make it right but right now. You’re seeing a different side to him.

You want nothing more than to go back home now. Slip into bed with him and have him wrap his arms around you tight, kiss your forehead and whisper sweet nothings into your ear until you fall asleep but you can’t. 

Maybe in a couple of days.

-------------------

You sip at your coffee, staring into space, your mind going over everything that you want to say to him.

You’ve decided that today is the day. After 3 days apart, you’re going to talk to him. 

It’s time.

You snap out of the daze, thanks to Alex clicking her fingers and asking some questions about breakfast to which you decline. You can’t even think about eating right now. It’s the last thing on your mind.

“I think i’m gonna head out”

“Are you sure you wanna do this today? There’s no time limit Y/N”

“No, i want to do this”

She hugs you goodbye, letting you know that you’re welcome to return afterwards, an offer you accept. Even if this chat goes well, you can’t just sleep there tonight, you’ll still need more space.

You get into your car and let out a deep breath that you’ve held in for days, it’s been making you tense. A feeling you still have and can’t shake, it’s weighing you down. The stress.

It doesn’t take long to get back home. You park up and let yourself in the house, you spot the mail on the floor so you bend down to pick it up and as you stand, he’s stood there, in nothing but his boxers. He’s just woken up.

“I didn’t think i’d see you for a long time” he mumbles, looking down at his bare feet “yeah well, we have a lot to talk about” he nods, gesturing for you to lead the way to the lounge.

You both sit down after he makes you a drink. Neither of you really say a word, just sitting there in silence for a couple of minutes. 

But eventually he breaks it.

“I’m sorry. I know those words get tossed around a lot like they don’t mean a thing but they do to me and i’m so so sorry Y/N. I didn’t mean what i did and you didn’t deserve what i did. It was a mistake and i want to prove that it was a mistake and that i love you and only you”

“But how do you expect us to move past this Chris, to move forward?” a serious question that he looks dumbfounded by “i don’t expect anything Y/N. But to answer your question, i think that with time, talking and working together, we can do this, we can move forward”

“But how? How can that ever happen? And why should i agree to that?”

“Because i’m your husband, i’ve not acted like that lately but i am. I’m your husband and i love you and i swear to you right now that it’ll never happen again”

He glances over at you, resting his hand on yours and you hold it, letting him in a little.

“I love you too” 

Your way of letting him know that his wife hasn’t left him, his wife is still here. You’re still here.

“Do you want me? Do you want to work to fix this, to let me fix this?”

“I do”

You shock yourself with your response. It’s not the route that everyone would take. Most women would leave, never look back and do better. But this is different. You’re married to this man, you’ve spent 10 years building a life with this man, preparing to start a family. You can’t give up so easily. Even if it isn’t the way everyone else would handle it. 

After all though, even Alex said it. There is nothing you and Chris can’t get through.

You’ve had many ups and downs, more than a rollercoaster has but you pushed through. 

Like the time that you almost broke up after a year, because long distance just wasn’t working. You were both struggling. He was away filming for Marvel and you were living in London, getting your degree. 

Eventually though, you decided that you loved each other too much to throw it away. 

Or the time that your mom passed and you were turning your back on everyone who cared for you. Snapping at Chris way more than usual. You said some harsh words to him one day and he didn’t speak to you for days. He was mad. Hurt. 

And of course there have been more occasions where you’ve argued or had limits tested, buttons pushed. But it was always saved. This isn’t a lost cause now either, it can be fixed.

“I hope you can forgive me”

“I can’t promise anything Chris. But i can try to work it out”

He rests his forehead to yours, the pair of you sigh before he presses a kiss to your lips. 

A kiss that makes your body shiver, the fireworks are still there. His love, it’s still there. It might actually all be okay. Soon.

----------------------

* A year later*

You take a seat on the comfortable chair, for the last time. A mixture of feelings fill your body. Nerves, happiness, hope and optimism. 

“I understand that today is our last session, how do you feel these sessions have gone. Chris?”

“I think that they’ve gone well. They’ve certainly helped us. I feel that i’m slowly gaining trust back”

“How about you Y/N?”

“I couldn’t agree more. It’s definitely been a hard journey but a positive one nonetheless. It’s helped with getting a more in depth look as to why he cheated. I certainly feel more at ease with him now”

If someone would have suggested marriage counselling to you just weeks after Chris cheated, you’d have laughed at them and said no way. But you don’t know why you’d have done that when it’s seemed to work wonders for the two of you.

After that talk a year ago. You went back to your sisters, took more time for yourself and eventually he asked you out, on a date. He wanted to start over, spend time with you and get to know you as if it was the first time all over again.

But once you worked your way into you moving back in, Lisa suggested marriage therapy. And now you’re on your last visit. You definitely trust him more now than what you did before. Because you’ve had time to spend more hours together, more time off work to bond all over again. 

“Where are you at now, in your mindset?”

“I’m at the stage of trusting him again, slowly but surely it’s happening. I forgive him. I forgive his mistakes and i forgive myself too, for taking him back. Because i think for so long i beat myself up about it but i realise that i’m human, he’s my husband and to let him go would never have been easy. But i’m glad i didn’t, i’m glad i stuck with him and i feel like we’ve come out the other side stronger”

“I couldn’t agree more” Chris says as she turns to him, raising her brow as if to ask him the same question.

“I forgive myself too, for doing what i did and i let it go, i’ve stopped letting it weigh me down. We’re doing okay, it’s nowhere near where we want to be or how we used to be but we’re getting there, one day at a time”

The session eventually ends, leaving you feeling very weird. Like it’s the end of a chapter. 

The first proper start to the rest of your lives, after everything. 

And you’re feeling very positive about the future. As is he. You see a future, there are rainbows at the end of dark times and it’s possible. Anything is possible when you work together as a team.

“I love you” he says as you both get into his car, before he turns the key in the ignition.

“I love you too Chris”

“We’re going to be okay aren’t we?”

“We are”

---------------------

General Tag List: @deadlymistress24 @coffeebooksandfandom @chris-butt @holtzkinnon @mychemicalimagines @llamadelreyx @haus-of-bitch-talk @buckstaybucky @thewinchestergirl1208 @chrissquares @patzammit @adriannajackson @dummiesshort @cevans-fics @americasass91 @toni9 @aaliferouss @bradfordmyworld 

Just Chris & His Characters Tag List: @onetwo3000 @persephonequeenofthedead @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @rynabarnesrogers @princess-evans-addict @stxvercgersslut @chris-evanslover @bval-1 

[hains-mae]

Flowers - Pt. 2

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 (end)

(Damian x Reader) Soulmate AU

Rating: T

Ages: Damian and you are 16, everyone’s ages follow after.

Summary: Soulmate AU where the wounds on your soulmate turns into a flower tattoo on your skin, if it heals with no scars the tattoo goes away, if it heals with a scar then the tattoo stays. You know who your soulmate is. It’s Robin. The vigilante. The crime-fighter and protector of Gotham who runs along side the Dark Knight himself – Batman. And you’re still you. This couldn’t possibly work, could it?

Notes: I did not expect my last fic to gain as much popularity as it had, and I am so thankful. @grincheveryday said there had to be a part 2, and although I wasn’t planning on it – I relented. And now here we are, with part 2.

Anyway, thank you again so much for the lovely comments. I hope you guys enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own DC. If I did, I wouldn’t make it as confusing as it is now.

Metropolis. The convention was to be held in Metropolis. The city of Superman! I was more than excited when the school informed us, and it turned out that Lex Corp. was sponsoring our transport and accommodations.

Gotham Academy instructed us to pack a week’s worth. The actual event was going to run for a total of one week. 3 days to try and impress during the showcase. After that they scheduled a meeting for students and companies who were interested in internships and mentoring, which would last another 2 days. On the last day Wayne Ent. promised a gala to finish off with a bang.

“Oh, my baby is growing up.” Mom said as she helped me pack.

“It’ll only be a week, mom. You’re not getting rid of me that easy.” I laughed.

It was a decent trip going to the big city of Metropolis. What I noticed first were the clean streets and bright colours. The sun was actually out of the clouds (something that only happened a handful of times during the year back at Gotham). There was a lot of excited chatter on the bus as soon as we entered.

“Alright children, you know the rules. Keep close and stay in sight.” Our science professor spoke up over the murmurs.

“Ah, Gotham Academy I’m presuming!” A boisterous voice caught our attention and successfully made us all quiet.

It was Mr. Lex Luthor.

“Mr. Luthor, it’s an honour. May I just say on behalf of our school we’d like to thank you for the generous hospitality.”

“The honour is mine.” He replied to our guide and professor as he shook her hand. “With such young and brilliant minds, how can I refuse?”

It felt surreal to be there. To be meeting with one of the most famous inventors and businessmen on the planet. I thought about pinching myself but if this was a dream, I didn’t want it to end.

We were ushered into the building that we were going to be staying at for the next week. It looked amazing on the inside just as it did on the outside. The receptionist smiled warmly at us when we entered. As the adults talked about where to place us, my schoolmates and I were left in a waiting area with large, soft sofas. I sighed in delight thinking this day couldn’t get any better.

The briefing was short, and we were sent to our rooms to freshen up before dinner. If I thought the lounge was awesome, the bedrooms were 5 times more. The walls were cream in colour, and the furniture’s light tan tint complimented the aesthetic. Two queen sized beds since were to stay in pairs. Bright yellow flowers on beautifully painted vases stood on each of our bedside tables.

I took the bed closest to the window, and placed my bags on the floor. My roommate didn’t mind as she unzipped her suitcase and began to make herself at home. As we shuffled around placing our belongings in their respective areas, I couldn’t help but wonder if Robin would be here. It was a million to one chance since many schools from Gotham were involved, but still, I hoped.

You don’t even who he is, or even how he looks like under that mask — my inner muse said pointedly. I sighed, knowing it was right.

That evening I opted to go to the dining hall a little earlier than expected. I didn’t have any friends around, since it was limited to one student per section. So I found myself alone sitting on a table with my name printed all fancy on a card. I sighed, pulling out my phone and going over the slides of my presentation for the invention.

“Good evening.” A presence alerted me and I fumbled as my phone slipped from my hands.

They caught it in one swoop.

I looked up and found myself face to face with a pair of clear forest green eyes.

“Apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you. My name is Damian Wayne.” His tone was clipped as he handed me my phone, like he wanted to be anywhere else but here.

I swallowed thickly, I’m sure I looked flustered, he seemed like he was in a bad mood. Quickly clearing my throat I took my phone from him and introduced myself as quickly as I could.

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He said stiffly and sat down beside me.

There must’ve been a mistake on the placement of the name cards. Usually they would assign our seats in accordance to our sections. Mine should be at the last... and oh my god his name is next to mine?!  How did I not notice this???

“The - the pleasure is mine.” I said nervously and tucked my phone back in my pocket.

I may not be part of any of his (or his brothers’) fan club, but I wasn’t living under a rock. Damian Wayne. Son of Bruce Wayne; the one who organised this entire endeavour. The son of a multi-billionaire business man. The prince of Gotham! What in the world was he doing here — next to me?!

There was a painfully thick awkward silence between us, or maybe it's just me — I bit my lip and looked everywhere else in the room but the boy who was sitting beside me.

Taking deep breaths to calm myself down, I noticed a pleasant aroma in the air. I must’ve missed it after our surprising introductions, but his perfume smelled good. It wasn’t a scent I would normally smell nowadays, but I immediately recognised it.

“Arabian oud.” I said out loud. Unintentionally mind you, to which I mentally facepalmed.

I quickly covered my mouth and apologised. Great, now he’ll think you’re a creep, way to go.

“Yeah.” Damian cocked a brow at me and narrowed his eyes. “It is, not many people know.”

“My dad. He liked those kinds of scents. Came a cross it one time during a case he was working on. I guess it grew on me too.”

Talking about my dad to a complete stranger, it was nerve wrecking but at the same time the memory calmed me, and the scent dancing between us only lulled me further into memory lane.

“It sticks better than regular perfume.” He said nonchalantly.

I had to giggle at that. “Well you get what you pay for.” He scoffed, and I reminded myself that this guy was probably rolling in money every day.

There was silence again, but this time a little less awkward. I still hoped everyone would be here soon though.

My wish was granted. Not five minutes later, the room started to get filled. Everyone took their respective places and made quick chatter. Damian and I stayed quiet though. Perhaps his friends weren’t able to come either, well we had that in common.

Damian was introduced to us before the waiters served our food. Apparently he wasn’t part of the convention but because Wayne Ent. was the one sponsoring, Mr. Wayne deemed it necessary for him to make an appearance.

I sighed to myself and looked around, this really was nothing like I expected it to be.

-x-x-x-

Dinner was delicious. Everyone was happily stuffed and ready for bed. Everyone but me. I couldn’t relax after sitting next to Damian the whole night. I felt his stares multiple times but every time I try to catch him I fail.

As soon as we were done an old man wearing formal attire came to pick him up. Didn’t know where to, but I heard “father” and “penthouse”. Rich kids...

Maybe it was just me who was getting a little paranoid. Maybe it was because of all the rumours I heard of how fan clubs treat other girls who even dared to talk to him other than a polite hi or wave. I shuddered at the thought. Our professor was droning on about the rules (again) and the importance of the buddy system. I briefly wondered if I could sneak out for a small walk around the block or something to release some energy.

And that was exactly where I found myself later that evening. I managed to pass the receptionist and walk a couple of minutes around the area. Not too far, the hotel was still in view. There were people around minding their own business, which was new for me since around this time in Gotham, everyone would be at home. The crisp air felt good, and I was finally able to relax. It was too stuffy being next to him. His smell, it reminded me too much of dad. The memory made a lump form in my throat.

I looked up at the starless sky and blinked back tears. Mom said he’d be proud, I wanted to believe it was true.

“Aw little girl. Why so upset?”

I whirled around and saw a man all dressed in baggy black clothes inch closer at me. “How about you come with me and I can make you feel all better.”

I took a step back as my heart started to race. This was probably not the best idea, even though this was Superman’s City, it didn’t mean crime didn’t exist.

A heavy hand gripped tightly at my shoulder and I realised with utter dread that I was surrounded. Only one way to run and it was through the alley. Every instinct in me shouted that it would be a really bad idea, first off I didn’t know the place, and if I just ran I could very well get lost.

But the grip on my shoulder was worse than anything I could’ve imagined at the moment.

“You’re a pretty little thing aren’t ya.” Another man came in and slid his hands across my cheek before covering my mouth.

His breath smelled of alcohol and smoke. It made me gag.

“I’ve got some great ideas on what I can do with you.” He snickered and dropped his other hand lower onto my chest. I gasped in fear.

No, this isn’t happening.

They pushed me further into the alley, away from prying eyes, and into to the shadows. The man started to grope my waist and hips.

This isn’t happening!

I wanted to fight back, wanted to bite his hand and shout, but my body was frozen. I was in shock. My inner voice was yelling at me to do something, to do anything! But fear clasped me tight and hard.

Then he forced his dirt calloused hand under my shirt and touched my breast.

That snapped me out of it.

With a sense of need to survive I dug my elbow into the man who was holding me and shoved the one in front with as much force as I could muster, exactly how dad taught me. They grunted in pain, and their hold on me lifted. I bolted down the dimly lit passage as soon as I was free.

But they didn’t stop. They called after me, swearing and cursing slurs as they ran. Their footsteps echoed along the tight alley. How many of them were there? 4?

They chanted along what they were planning on doing with me once they catch me. It was horrible. My throat tightening in disgust. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend how their minds worked. The tears were beginning to fall as every turn I took only lead deeper into the maze.

I kept running, taking quick sharp turns in the hopes to loose them. I refused to go like this. But my heart plummeted as soon as I faced a dead end.

They were all laughing at my demise, taking their time to get to me so the fear really soaked in. They strolled and taunted. Taking out their ropes and knives from their coat pockets.

“This was a really stupid idea...” I whimpered to myself, wiping my wet cheeks furiously as I did.

“No shit.” I instantly recognised the voice. “We really need to stop meeting like this.”

A figure dropped in front of me, clad in familiar colours. I felt my knees go weak and a new wave of tears started to fall. I sobbed in relief.

Robin pulled out his katana and growled at the men.

“Do not touch her.” He spat at them.

“Robin? But isn’t he supposed to be with the Bat?” One of them questioned, but he was outright ignored.

Their leader, the one who groped me, laughed. A loud barking sort of laughter.

“Don’t touch her?” He mimicked. “But I already have. Must say, she’s quite soft.” He leered at me, I could feel him undressing me with his eyes and I instantly clutched my jacket tighter.

“Bastard!” Robin shouted and threw himself into battle.

They didn’t look worried though.

“You’re just a boy!” They yelled at him as they aimed to kill.

It didn’t phase him as he attacked with the same precision as he did before. Their bullets were evaded with his quick movements. I protected my head with my arms and dashed behind a corner full of crates.

“Excuse me.”

I turned to the person next to me.

He offered a smile, and I noticed his feet weren’t touching the ground. He was hovering over the air.

“Quit stalling Superboy!” Robin grunted. “Take her someplace safe!”

“You heard him.” He told me, and carried me bridal style before flying away.

I clutched on to him as the ground became further and further away.

“Wait — what about Robin?” My voice sounded weak but I didn’t want to just leave him behind.

Superboy looked at me and grinned. “He’ll be okay.”

He set me down on the roof of a building just above the fight.

“Can you wait here a moment? We’ll be right back.”

He looked a few years older, dressed in his father’s colors and symbol proudly plastered on the middle of his chest.

I managed a small nod before he zipped back down and joined the fight. With a bit more courage I peered down and watched as they bravely fought the men. Superboy withheld from using his lasers too much, I suppose since they were in such an enclosed space. Robin on the other hand looked like he was putting everything he had out there.

It ended quite fast, with the men tied up in a rope. Robin seemed to be talking to Superboy, the metahuman nodded once and pointed up where I was standing. I quickly looked away and walked back.

A grappling hook shot up before hooking itself to the side of the building. Robin swung forward and landed gracefully in front of me. He looked angry.

I tried not to look at him straight in the eye, hoping to make myself smaller.

“Did they hurt you?” He asked, his voice filled with concern but still laced with a little venom.

I bit my bottom lip to keep it from quivering, I felt so ashamed, and so used. I felt dirty.

“He touched me...” I chocked out, trying to keep the tears at bay and failing.

Robin clenched his fists.

“What were you doing outside at this hour?”

“I - I just wanted to take a walk. I didn’t - it wasn’t -“ I was shaking. All I wanted to do was go back home and hide under my covers.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. I heard him walk up to me and hold my chin, turning it towards him as he wiped the tears.

“Stop crying.” He said. “You’re safe now.”

Not being able to help it, I threw my arms around him and hugged him tight. I wasn’t an overly physical type of person but I needed something solid, something safe, to clutch on to after what just happened. I wished my mom was here, but then I also didn’t since all this would do would only worry her more. I dreaded the fact that I needed to tell her what happened. But for now I just breathed in and out, trying to calm myself. Robins arms slowly encircled me, and he patted my shoulder awkwardly.

Wait — this smell…

Arabian oud.

I tensed, and pushed back. Robin looked a little confused at the suddenly change but loosened the hug.

My heart started to race as I looked up at his face. No way, there has to be hundreds with the same perfume, right? I couldn’t, or rather didn’t want to believe it. Was it really him under this mask? I wish I could give myself an answer but I was terrified of what I would find if I looked. I was both mad yet relieved that I didn’t look too closely at his face during dinner or else it might be too easy to pick apart his features. The mask only hid so much. I must’ve been eyeing him for too long because Robin gave me a questioning look.

“I -“ I quickly put a slight distance between us and cleared my throat, hoping the heat on my cheeks would cool down, and my head to stop spinning. “Sorry, and thank you! I... probably should get back.” I finished lamely.

The time it took us to get from where we were to the hotel was filled with silence. I made sure not to make eye contact for too long and when I had to I made sure to ignore everything else. I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to piece the puzzle together... It felt risky. I thanked him again, and asked him to thank Superboy.

Sneaking back into my room was a lot more difficult that sneaking out. Thankfully my roommate and I had separate keys so going in was a breeze. She was already asleep when I got there much to my relief. I headed straight to the shower, eager to scrub off the mans filthy hold on me. I grimaced as I caught my reflection in the mirror, my skin was bright red from all the scrubbing and my eyes were puffy. I sniffed and looked away.

I didn’t sleep that night, not well anyway, but that was to be expected.

...

...

... to be continued ...