#aka life savers

[carladuquette]

My best friend is super brave. She has been struggling with severe mental health issues the entire time I've known her. And this past Sunday, she opened up about all of it in a social media post – all of it out there for everyone, her family, her friends from all stages of her life, to see. Can you imagine?? She said it had been on her mind so much that she needed to get it out and that after sharing her story, she felt tearful but relieved. I am still in awe of her, and the idea of opening up, sharing something of yourself that you normally keep hidden, inspired me.

It also freaks me out and I'm not as brave as my best friend, so I'm not sharing my story with everyone in my life. It's easier to do it here, where most people don't know my full name or my face or where I work or who my mom is. At the same time, it's not the same as screaming into a void, because I do feel like I have some sort of connection with some of the lovely people I've met here. A perfect middle ground, if you will.

If you know anything about me, you know I'm wordy and can't be short and to the point to save my life, so it's no surprise that this is going to be on the long side, too. But hey! As my best friend put it, I'm giving myself the "gift of openness and understanding."

I have an eating disorder. (And I'm going to be somewhat explicit about it, so if this is triggering for you, please take care and put yourself first.) I have never used these words before and even right now, part of me thinks that's bullshit. That I'm being overdramatic, trying to get attention. Because I'm fine! I'm not anorexic, I'm not bulimic, I'm just not the healthiest eater and don't really like the way my body looks, like almost all women everywhere ever.

But the fact is that I threw up my dinner tonight because I felt like I shouldn't have eaten it, or all of it, in the first place. This is what I do. I don't binge to then purge, but I throw up food when I feel disgusted with what I ate. I'm mad at myself that I don't have the self-control to just eat less, so instead I throw up what I regret. That can be the occasional junk food haul, the treat I was excited about when I picked it up and took it home (an excitement that turns sour quickly), or a nice dinner at a restaurant with friends. I've been hunched over the toilet in my favorite Mexican restaurant more than once, waiting for the woman in the other stall to leave so I could throw up without anyone overhearing.

The part of me that doesn't think I have a problem points out here that I don't do this all the time. I go for months at a time without throwing up at all. Years sometimes! (Other times, when it’s bad, I do it several times a week.) I first started doing this when I was 16. Before tonight, I haven't thrown up in a few weeks, and before that, probably two months. So, clearly not a problem!

Except that it's exhausting. I want to be able to have mediocre fries and chicken filet bites, or feel full and stuffed and happy without panicking about how all this food I just ate is going to make me gain weight. And on that – I would love to return to a place where I can tell what my body actually looks like. Because I have no idea anymore. I don't know what's normal anymore.

I look in the mirror from the side and will be destroyed because what I see is disgusting, even though I'm pretty sure (I hope?) that's not objectively true. Then I see a current photo of myself where I think I look good, or I catch a glimpse of myself and think "Hey, that's not too bad!" Then that same day I see my reflection in a window at the office and am horrified again. And I know, rationally, that it is not possible for my body to look completely different a few hours apart. That it's just in my head. But there's nothing I can do about it.

This distorted body image, unlike the throwing up, is relatively recent, something that crept up on me during the pandemic, and I'd love to go back to a time where I was happy with the way I looked. Which, by the way, wasn't that much different from now, I think. But I'm not sure.

I've gone on a couple of rants here about how mad I am about what society has done to women. How angry it makes me to see women feel like they have to starve themselves for love or approval or success because thinness is valued above all else. And I've talked about how that behavior is nothing to emulate. I hope all of what I've shared in this post today doesn't make me a hypocrite. I still stand by what I said earlier. The thoughts that are put into our heads by everything we see around us, the way it's drilled into girls and women, sometimes subtly and sometimes less so, that what matters most is our looks, is infuriating. It's hard not to let that get to you, and I guess I did, too. Even though the part of me that thinks I'm just being overdramatic says that my problem isn't society, it's just the fact that I am lazy and can't watch what I eat. But you know what? Fuck that girl. At least right in this moment, I can say that and believe it.

I feel better just having gotten all of this out for the first time. My best friend, the brave one, is the only person who knows about my eating disorder, and she encouraged me to do this. So I'm sharing this in her honor – cheers, girl. It's ok to be open. It's also fucking terrifying. But maybe it can help. And if you have something you feel you need to get out, if you feel inspired by my best friend too- my inbox is always open, for a private chat, an anonymous ask, whatever.

Aaaaand post 💌

[yunhoszn]

save a horse, ride a cowboy

PAIRING jeong yunho x f!reader

WORD COUNT 12.25k

GENRES fluff﹒angst﹒smut

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, reader is a city girl but i tried not using too many gendered terms, cowboy!yunho RAHHHHH, mentions of food, reader has a boyfriend for most of the fic (an oc) but there’s no real infidelity, reader embarrasses themselves on what i’d say is a few occasions too many, yunho is down bad, masturbation (m! and brief f! receiving), lowkey voyeurism, a really bad dad joke, horse riding scene bc i feel that’s pivotal for a cowboy fic, lots and lots of kissing, marking, teasing, vaginal fingering x2, oral sex (f! receiving) x2, multiple orgasms, very slight edging, praise, pet names (baby, babe, and princess oops), unprotected sex (BE SAFE PLS I BEG), cowgirl position, pull out method, missionary position, creampie lol, ending is cute but also kinda up for interpretation? i guess <3

SUMMARY when your grandparents decided to retire and take a summer’s long vacation in celebration, they leave their house in your care. at least you don’t have to worry about feeding the farm animals. but you do have to worry about the tall, handsome cowboy who does.

MORE AND SHE’S DONE oh my god, this fic actually pulled so much out of me i think i was the one seeing stars by the end.. 😭 but i’m so proud of it and the goals i tried meeting while writing. first of all the length??? insane for me. i can hardly get myself to write anything longer thank 5k 😞 THATS ENOUGH ABOUT ME THO,,, this fic was heavily inspired by the django performance if u couldn’t tell by the banner 😝 and i’d first like to thank the academy aka @kimsohn for encouraging me to write this and fueling my delusions ilysm maya <3 i’d also like to give a huge thank u to @bro-atz TYSM FOR BETAING AND HELPING WITH SCENES BRO ur my life saver fr <3 PLS PLS PLS REBLOG IF U ENJOYED!!

Growing up, you weren’t the biggest fan of trips to your grandparents’ farm in the rural countryside. 

You were born in a big city, full of all the glitz and glam. There were bright lights that lit the skyline at night, distracting from the stars that illuminated above. The wide open space was blocked by high towers and large skyscrapers. You were accustomed to the sound of bustling pedestrians and the obnoxious honking of cars in the streets. There was seldom an evening of complete silence. 

Everything was so tightly packed together, within walking distance if you didn’t feel like hopping in a car for a fifteen minute drive. You appreciated the insanity of the train station in the mornings before school, the metro so busy with students and working class individuals. You came into contact with numerous strangers throughout your day to day life. 

However, every summer until you were a senior in high school was a different story. 

Your parents wanted to keep you humble, you supposed, shipping you off to your grandparents’ for three months. Living in the city kept people too sheltered, too primped and polished for the real world. They wanted you to have that exposure, to experience what it was like to live without the fanciness of urbanization. The nine months out of the year that you spent in the city stunted that exposure, though.

When you’d arrive at their farm, luggage stacked like you were taking a trip to London or Paris, you felt like a glorified version of Regina George. Maybe Blair Waldorf. Elle Woods? You weren’t even rich like that. Your parents were nice, middle class people. There was just something about cow manure and the fear of stepping on a freshly laid egg that made it difficult to adjust to the setting.

It was most likely your stubbornness throughout your childhood that held you back even as you got older and more educated. You thought after graduating high school, the three-months-long “retreat” would come to an end. You’d only need to visit when necessary, maybe a week max. And that was true to an extent. During your university years, you only visited the farm around once a year. You were too consumed with school to even go home sometimes. 

And then your grandparents decided to retire. 

Their farm had supplied the town over with produce and other home-grown items for as long as you could remember. But they were getting older and no one in the family was willing to inherit the farm or its responsibilities. In celebration of their retirement, they planned a grand vacation to visit multiple countries. Their itinerary spanned an entire summer, just like your trips to the farm when you were younger.

Because you were the only one familiar enough with the area, they enlisted you to housesit while they were gone. You tried to get out of it, but they didn’t trust anyone else as much as you, despite your convictions about country life. So you reluctantly agreed, packing up your things to prepare for another grueling summer at the farm one last time. 

But there was a bit of a setback.

”What do you mean someone’s living in the farmhouse behind their house?” You shriek into the receiver, holding your phone between your shoulder and ear as you zip up your final bag. Your mom sighs on the other end.

”Your grandma just only now told me, apparently it slipped her mind,” you can hear the sympathy in her tone. “He’s this boy who grew up in the town and he’s gonna take over the farm for them on the condition that they still live on the property. She said he shouldn’t get in your way and he’s expecting your presence. You’ll only see him if you ever actually go out to the farm and when he brings groceries to the house.”

”Great. Another thing I didn’t sign up for.” You mutter, giving your bedroom a once over to make sure you’re not forgetting anything. “Is there anything else I should know before I get there, like a secret pet or maybe a family living in the attic?”

”Watch the attitude, Y/N,” she warns, and you shut up immediately. “Look, I know this isn’t ideal. You’re a grown adult and you’d rather spend your summer going out with your friends, but you already told your grandparents you would do this for them. It’ll be over before you know it.”

You sigh, nodding even though she can’t see it. At least you didn’t have to worry about caring for their farm animals. It was time to think of this as a staycation rather than torture. Sure, your friends were going to be living it up in the Bahamas for a week and your boyfriend was going to be here while you were surrounded by nothing but flat landscape for acres. 

Perhaps it was good for you that there would be someone else on the property. You might’ve started to feel scared being alone in the middle of nowhere for so long. Though, your boyfriend probably won’t be the biggest fan of you staying within the vicinity of another man for three months. You’d just deal with that later. 

The drive to your grandparents’ farm is actually more peaceful than anything else. Driving for long periods of time wasn’t your favorite thing to do, but doing it by yourself with nothing but your music filling your ears was a sort of therapy. It allowed you to come to terms with your fate for the summer and what it could entail, even if it wasn’t exactly what you had in mind. 

Seeing the lush greenery for miles upon miles as you neared their home evoked a sense of tranquility within you. If you kept a positive outlook on your situation, you would make it through these next few months unscathed and your sanity still intact. Maybe you despised the wide open space for years when you were a kid, but now that you’re an adult, you think you could learn to appreciate it and its beauty. 

As long as the guy living in the farmhouse didn’t bother you like your grandmother said, everything would be—

Oh. 

You pull up in front of the house, already thrown for a loop by the tall, very handsome stranger walking his dog back from the mailbox. His dark hair obscured his eyes, a bandana tied around his neck to match with the one hanging off the Border Collie’s collar. The two turn around at the sound of your engine, stopping in their tracks once you’ve parked. 

He brings a hand up to shield the sun from his eyes, watching cautiously as you park slowly. You don’t know why you’re so anxious, it’s not like you’ll be interacting with him much during your stay anyways. There’s something about his slender figure and the fact that he was so clearly dedicated to what he does upon first glance that it makes you feel shy. You suck in a sharp breath before deciding to exit your vehicle, wiping clammy palms on your denim shorts. You’re starting to regret not dressing a little cuter, a little more presentable. 

His features soften upon recognizing you, the pretty granddaughter that your grandparents showed him prior to leaving for their trip. The hand sheltering his face falls to his side and he gives you a warm smile, somehow warmer and brighter than the sweltering summer sun. You’d always been told not to talk to strangers, to keep your distance for your own safety, but you can’t help mirroring his expression with a small wave. 

“H-Hi,” your voice wobbles and you kind of want to die just a bit. “I’m Y/N. My grandparents mentioned you lived in the farmhouse out back, but didn’t give me a name or face to expect.”

He extends his arm out and you shake his hand, albeit slightly nervously. His eyes squint when he glances between you and his dog. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Y/N. I’m Yunho, and this is Yeoreum.”

The name is fitting for the red and white colored Border Collie, her tongue sticking out as she stares up at you with big eyes that almost resemble her owner’s. You bend down to pet her, patting the soft tufts of fur on her head and appreciating her licks of excitement. Yunho laughs, whistling to catch her attention. 

“Yunho and Yeoreum,” you repeat, a tiny grin on your face. “Befitting. Does she come with the property?”

“Unfortunately, no. She’s spoken for,” he teases, a pout on his features. “But she can visit whenever you’d like. Jokes aside, did you need any help moving stuff into the house?”

”That would be great, actually!” You scratch the back of your neck, lips pursing. Yunho waits for you to unlock the trunk of your car and places Yeoreum’s leash in your possession, making quick work transporting your bags inside. What was just supposed to be some light assistance, has evidently become him doing everything on his own while you stand and look pretty with his dog.

You didn’t bring too much with you since you didn’t have plans to leave while you were housesitting and your grandparents weren’t so old fashioned that they didn’t have a washing machine. Still, you felt useless allowing this stranger you’d just met to do all this manual labor on your behalf.

”Does he always do this?” You murmur to the Border Collie, falling to a seat on the lowest front porch step. She doesn’t give you a response (not that you expected her to), but pants happily in lieu of one, craning her head so you can scratch the spot behind her ear. 

“You’re a guest, it’s just good hospitality for me to help.” Yunho says as he comes out of the house, stationing himself in front of you with his hands on his hips, thumbs in his belt loops. 

“There’s a difference between helping and doing the work yourself. You’re just being modest,” you push yourself up to hand him Yeoreum’s leash. “But thank you anyway, that was really nice. I’m so tired from driving up here, so I think I would’ve collapsed doing all that back and forth.”

”You should go rest,” he glances at the house behind you. “There’s a whole three months of farm life ahead of you, so don’t wear your pretty little self out just yet.”

Yunho salutes to you and takes his leave, walking around your grandparents’ house toward what you assume is the farmhouse. Your eyes are wide and your cheeks feel hot, and you’re well aware that it’s not because of the summer heat. Your fingers clutch at the material of your t-shirt and you shake it to fan yourself. 

It seemed like you were in for a bumpy ride these next few months. But like you reiterated prior to arriving, everything would be just fine so long as you and farm boy went your separate routes and lived your separate lives. 

Yeah. Things would be alright. You hope. 

It’s a week into your stay on your grandparents’ farm when you bump into Yunho again. 

You’re toweling your neck after getting out of the shower, heading into the kitchen to make yourself another bowl of cereal for breakfast. So far the only downside has been your inability to cook a decent meal. Takeout or your boyfriend sleeping over were usually your saving grace, but without having either of those options, you’ve stuck to microwaveable things.

The sight of Yunho unloading groceries onto the counter has you squealing and nearly jumping out of your own skin. He flinches at your volume, knocking over the bag of rice resting against the vase in the center. Thankfully it was still sealed shut, if not there would’ve been a mess of rice grains all over the island counter. His clumsiness has you slapping a palm over your mouth to silence your giggles, not wanting to embarrass him.

”Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you…” You apologize sheepishly, folding your towel over your arm and placing it on a barstool nearby. 

“N-No, you’re fine! I shouldn’t have just let myself in, it’s kinda just a habit. You deserve your privacy without having to worry about whether or not I’m gonna barge in unannounced.” He dismisses your apology with a wave of his hand. “I’ll just put these up for you and then I’ll be on my way.”

”Can I help?” You waddle over to him, fingers laced behind your back. “I’d feel bad watching you put my groceries away for me after going out and getting them.”

Yunho gestures for you to occupy the space beside him with a small smile that takes solace at the corner of his mouth. The two of you do everything in complete silence, still not entirely used to each other’s presence because of the lack of crossing paths. As you’re finishing up, you start grabbing the items you need for your cereal. He raises an eyebrow at you.

”You don’t want something a little more filling?” He suddenly questions, jutting his chin at your bowl.

”I would love that if I knew how to cook,” you laugh. “Ironic isn’t it? The granddaughter of two farmers can’t cook to save their life.”

Yunho shakes his head with a chuckle, ruffling his hair. “Well, I don’t have to feed the horses for another hour if you’d like for me to whip up something better than a bowl of cereal.” 

“Really?” Your eyebrows furrow. Despite growing up with the mindset that you were above the farm life your grandparents tried to impose on you, you hated feeling like you were coming across as entitled. You didn’t want Yunho to think you were lazy or that you were too good. “You don’t have to do that. I can survive on instant ramen and cereal, I swear.”

”Y/N,” he says your name with a certain authority to it, and you’ve never loved the sound of your name coming out of someone else’s mouth so much before. “I want to. I’m not the world’s greatest chef or anything, but I have a couple tricks up my sleeve.”

”Okay, then,” you nod, taking a seat at the island. You watch in awe as he dances around the kitchen and prepares something for you. It’s weird, not in the sense that you feel awkward around this complete stranger, but because you feel the opposite. You feel comfortable around him, like you’ve known him for a while. It’s almost like Yunho has been a casual part of your life for much longer than a week. He’s easy to get along with, easy to mold into what you’re used to.

And that’s weird because you have a boyfriend. A boyfriend who cooks dinner for you most nights, but somehow has never made you feel this taken care of. It throws you off. That should definitely not be the case. How is this man doing this in one week and your boyfriend couldn’t in two years? 

The guilt settles in the pit of your stomach quickly. Sure, your boyfriend might’ve had a habit of forgetting important dates and didn’t give you half as much attention as he should’ve, but did that warrant the emotions brewing in your chest? Could that excuse this notion that maybe it was time to finally call it quits?

You zone out as Yunho finishes cooking your breakfast, too inside of your head to even fawn over the doting and slight coddling he was doing. Maybe you need to have a long conversation with Seojun about your relationship and where you want it to go. Perhaps it was a nice idea to invite him out to visit the farm, it could do you both some good. 

“Ta-da!” Yunho holds out a plate to you, the sparkle in his eyes effectively pushing out any thoughts of your boyfriend and the shame that was picking at you. You can’t help but reciprocate his expression when you see how delicious the food looks.

He’d made you omurice, the ketchup on top in cute squiggly lines to form whiskers and a little dog face. You accept the plate gratifyingly, your fingers brushing as you do so. He smiles shyly, eyeing you carefully while you take the first bite. You don’t remember the last time you had a home cooked breakfast, accustomed to the occasional muffin at the coffee shop near your house.

”’Not the world’s greatest chef’ my ass,” you grumble, pouting at his humbleness and his inability to be bad at anything. “I might just ask you to have breakfast with me every morning if you can chef it up this well.”

That melodic laugh of his rings in your ears, his elbows resting on the island and his chin in his palms. “I’m sure Yeoreum would appreciate a companion who isn’t me.”

“How long have you had her?” You ask, shoveling more omurice into your mouth. If you weren’t so hungry and so appeased by how delicious it was, you’d feel bad for ruining his hard work. The ketchup no longer looked like a dog, but rather a splatter of red all over your plate. 

“Almost four years now. I had her for a year before I met your grandparents. She adores them, so it’s no surprise that she likes you too.” He has this fond gaze in his eyes as he talks about his beloved Border Collie and it makes your heart ache. 

The fact that he has such a good relationship with your grandparents seals the deal for you. Well, it would seal the deal if you were single. Yunho is like the ideal man that every parent would want their daughter to bring home. He knows how to cook, knows how to clean. He’s adept around the house, skilled in yard work and other random jobs like fixing leaky pipes and installing new appliances. He’s gentle, but doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty. 

Your parents would never meet him, though. After the summer was over, you’d be back in Seoul and he would still be here, a distant memory. You forcibly laugh away the thought, excusing it as your response to his words and continuing the conversation about his dog. 

Perhaps this stay would be harder to get through than you thought. 

As the weeks pass you by, you find yourself becoming more and more infatuated with Jeong Yunho.

Cooking breakfast for you in the morning has become a regular thing. Monitoring him at the stove with sleepy eyes and a mug of fresh coffee in your hands has ingrained itself into your routine. Yeoreum called the spot beneath your stool her own now, laying there as her owner made your food. You think the transition from seeing him as just this comforting presence, this kind individual, to wanting something more was almost too smooth.

Especially right now as you sit on the back porch sipping on some lemonade, admiring the cowboy as he transfers bales of hay from the bed of his pickup truck to the pigpen and the cattle pen. He pauses in between trips, stripping off his flannel and tying it around his waist. He lifts the hem of the white tank top he’s wearing and uses it to wipe sweat from his forehead, revealing the toned abdomen he had been hiding from you up until now. 

You feel like you’re going insane, trying to pretend like you’re reading your book as you not so subtly gawk at his muscles straining with each bale he lifts. It’s crazy really, the effect he has on you doing his fucking job. You’ve made it a habit to sit out here and stare at him under the guise of various other things. Aside from being borderline obsessive, it’s horrible because you’re still very much in a relationship.

Most people would feel a hell of a lot worse than you do, like their entire world was crumbling between their fingertips just for finding someone else attractive. But for some reason, as time has continued to roll on, that guilt— that self-preservation— has faded. You’re dipping into another emotion that you’re too scared to explore. 

Yunho takes a break from his labor to guzzle down a bottle of water, his chest heaving up and down from exertion. Had you been paying attention to anything other than the view of the handsome man, you would’ve noticed the glass sliding out of your grasp, the condensation becoming far too dense to keep a solid grip on the cup. In the midst of drooling over him, your lemonade falls to the ground with a loud clanging noise.

Your reflexes are only swift enough to save your book, but the drink spills everywhere else and you wince at how embarrassing the situation is. You hurry inside to grab a towel before he can see the mortification enveloping your features. He seemed like the observant type, like one scan of your face could tell him everything he needs to know without a single word exchanged. Your fingers curl around the edge of the counter, blowing a raspberry while you attempt to regulate your blood pressure.

Through the window above the kitchen sink, you make out a confused Yunho, brows furrowed as he looks in the direction of the house. He worried over you entirely too much, particularly when you take into account the fact that all you did was think about him in manners not necessarily safe for work. Maybe you were just delirious. That was the only logical explanation for why you’re spiraling.

The high temperatures of the summer coupled with your surroundings are contributing to your change in behavior. Yes. That made sense. You weren’t crazy.

With a bit more reprieve, you’re able to grab a tea towel and head back outside to clean up your mess. (Not unaccompanied by a couple glances in Yunho’s direction, but that’s fine. Perfectly healthy even. It’s normal to check up on a friend. At least, that’s what you tell yourself, but who’s holding you accountable?)

“You know you’ve been making me breakfast every morning without asking for anything in return,” you speak up one morning, chin resting on the island. “Is there anything I can do to repay you?” 

Yunho purses his lips as he hands you your plate. “Nah, I like cooking for you.”

You try to ignore the way that has your heart fluttering in your chest, try to ignore the warmth blooming beneath your skin. Your eyes glance down at your food to avoid eye contact, bringing your chopsticks up to your lips. “Okay, well I wanna do something for you.”

Despite mumbling the words, he hears you anyway and smiles to himself as he takes a sip from his mug. He rolls up the sleeves of his denim button up, reaching down to scratch behind Yeoreum’s ear, the area that you’ve learned is her favorite. She pants joyfully, jumping on his leg excitedly. He looks between the two of you.

”Missy here needs a bath,” he says, cooing at her. “I was gonna give her one later, after I cleaned out the stables, but if you don’t mind doing it.”

”I’d do just about anything for that precious girl,” you nod enthusiastically. “Consider it done.”

This is how you end up out back, dog shampoo in one hand and the water hose in the other. 

Yeoreum’s signature bandana and collar lay on one of the rocking chairs on the porch, the dog looking so different without her accessories as you prepare to bathe her. You wet her fur generously, squeezing enough shampoo into your palm to lather it on. Compared to your childhood pets, she’s pretty well behaved.

She’s probably one of the only dogs who’s ever actually enjoyed taking a bath, sitting still for you while you scrub and rinse and repeat. You take your time with cleaning her, wanting to make sure you do your best as a thank you for every plate Yunho has ever made you. Usually, this isn’t something you would jump at the opportunity to do. Somehow, being back at the farm this past month or so has done everything your parents tried to do when you were younger.

It could’ve had to do with the desensitization of being here every summer for so long that it just never stuck when you were grade school age. But now, fully grown and experiencing this all over again on your own, with new faces at your side, it’s like you’re being exposed to something different. You can see why your mom and dad didn’t want the city life to become a dependency. 

You preferred the view of cabs and cafés over cows and chickens in the past, but now you found a sense of familiarity in them. You’d always want to go home as soon as you got here. Unlike other kids, you wanted your summer to be over as quickly as possible. You couldn’t imagine going home after this, though. This unveiled attachment to the farm you detested when you were younger could only be accredited to one person, and it was a little frightening. 

He constantly brought out parts of you that you didn’t know existed. This enigma, the one that emphasized how big of a role he’s fulfilling in the short period of time you’ve been here, drills itself into your brain every day. You knew you had to acknowledge it sooner or later, but it was just less of a hassle to act like it wasn’t screaming at you. Your fear of change was a more pertinent issue to ignore, so you let it consume all else. 

While getting lost in your thoughts, Yeoreum starts shaking and startles you, causing your hold on the hose to loosen, water spraying everywhere. The diversion has you losing your footing and slipping in the mud. You shriek, though it does nothing to block the stream that drenches you, your clothes getting wet. The universe decides it’s not on your side, because you happened to wear a white shirt. Why you chose to do that when you knew you were bathing a dog, you have no clue, but it was a little too late for regrets.

Yeoreum jumps out of the basin you had her in and runs to the farmhouse just as Yunho’s walking out, fresh from the shower. You forgot that he was cleaning the stables at the same time you were giving the Border Collie her bath, but now you’re starting to wish you waited until afterward just in case you needed the assistance. And well, you definitely needed the assistance. 

Plucking the tail end of the mishap, Yunho’s initial reaction is to laugh at your misfortune, but the closer he gets to the scene, the laughter dies out in his throat. Your top is sheer enough that he can map out the outline of your black bra. It leaves very little to the imagination and he thinks he might fall to his knees right here.

Since your grandparents told him that you’d be house sitting while they were away and proudly showcased a photo of you, he’s been enthralled by you. You had the face of an angel, or maybe a really enticing demon, he hasn’t cogitated it much yet. 

He swallows thickly, hoping to keep his composure as he makes his way to you. His hand is a little shaky when it reaches to take the hose from you, squeezing his eyes closed and switching off the water. He stays there for a few seconds to mentally prep himself for an up-close-and-personal look at you, even going as far as holding his breath. 

“Uh— you— um— you should go inside and dry off before you catch a cold,” Yunho keeps his eyes cast downward. He’s grateful that you don’t note how red the tips of his ears are, or how he thinks the sky is suddenly much more interesting than your face.

Your head cocks to the side in confusion. “What do you mean ‘before I catch a cold’? It’s, like, a million degrees out.” 

“The temperature drops at night and the sun’s setting soon. I’ll handle it from here. Yeoreum ran off, so I gotta chase after her anyway and I don’t think you want her to soak you more than she already has.” He’s insistent on shooing you away and getting you inside of the house. You huff.

”Okay… If you say so…” 

Reluctantly, you spin around and traverse back. The draft of the air conditioning has you shivering, rubbing up and down your arms as you enter the bathroom to inspect the damage. Your eyes almost bulge out of their sockets when you finally see yourself. No wonder Yunho was so adamant on staving you off like you were the plague. 

In your defense, you didn’t think the hose won the battle by that much. You assumed you’d just gotten everything above your shoulders wet, but no. You were practically doused head to toe. And the clear display of your brassiere under your clothes was the last thing on your mind.

He was stronger than you. Actually, he was a more respectful person than you. You would’ve gawked at him shamelessly if the roles were reversed. But at least you’re self aware! Right? The first step in recognizing that you have a problem, is admitting that you have a problem. That’s what you think they say in those addiction commercials, but you could be wrong. 

Wow. Now you were comparing him to drugs. Though, you suppose there isn’t that huge of a difference. Both had equal success rates in terms of getting people high and then making it hard to wane off their effects. 

You really had to quit it with the metaphor usage. 

It’s around midnight that night when the lightbulb in the bathroom goes out, halting you from finishing your bedtime routine. 

You’re exhausted to say the least, face damp from washing it and one of those fuzzy hairbands with the animal ears perched on your head. You were ready to crash out, but there were still a couple things you needed to do before that. It was proving to be a little difficult in the pitch black bathroom. The window above the shower was too narrow to provide any sufficient moonlight.

With a low grumble, you shuffle into your slippers and make the short trek from your grandparents’ house to Yunho in the farmhouse. You hug yourself when a strong breeze blows past, your flimsy t-shirt and sleep shorts doing hardly anything to block the cool summer night’s air. 

A piece of you feels a little bad for bothering him so late, but you have no idea how to change a lightbulb. You don’t even know where the lightbulbs are. Besides, you think you’d electrocute yourself if you made an attempt to do it on your own. 

You huff out a sigh and bring your knuckles up to knock at his door, waiting patiently for a response. He’s not asleep, you know this because he’s mentioned that his internal clock doesn’t turn off until two in the morning. Circadian rhythms were an odd concept, so to each their own. 

“Yunho! It’s Y/N! Open up!”

When a few minutes have passed, you try the knob. Maybe it was a bit… too presumptuous of you to enter his home without explicit permission. Yes, you’d known each other for the better part of a month and a half, and yes, you’d gotten very close in that timeframe, but did that constitute your actions?

Whether or not the answer to that question was a yes or a no, you really wish you would’ve just waited outside. As you venture further in search of the cowboy, you stumble upon something you shouldn’t have. 

Standing in the hallway on the other side of his bedroom, the door ajar at least an inch, you catch a glimpse of him on his bed. That white tank top you’re so used to seeing him in is between his teeth, eyebrows knit together in pure pleasure as he fists his cock with a purpose. His nostrils are flared and whiny moans escape from behind the fabric. 

His head falls back every now and then, eyes fluttering shut when he runs his thumb over the slit. He’s so focused that he doesn’t notice you, too entranced with chasing his high. Your lips part as you watch him fuck up into his hand, his shirt slipping from his mouth when he groans out a curse. 

Just as quickly as you become distracted by the sight of Yunho jerking off, you become aware of what you’re doing. You flee the scene before you get yourself caught, exiting the farmhouse as quietly as you can. The lightbulb can wait until morning, it wasn’t that important, honestly. You’re in a daze the entire walk back to your grandparents house, goosebumps littering your arms and the image of him in such an obscene state burned into your brain. 

You fall backwards onto your bed, staring at the ceiling in hopes of willing away the path your mind is beginning to wander towards. All you can think about is the sight of him so desperate for release, large hand wrapped around his dick, abdomen contracting with need. You know you weren’t supposed to see, weren’t supposed to bear witness to something so personal. 

It’s difficult to push out the nasty, inappropriate thoughts clouding your head. His expressions contorted into absolute bliss. His slender fingers could probably do so much more than your own, could probably reach places you’d never even dreamed of. And fuck, his dick, prettier and bigger than any other you’ve ever seen. 

Your chest blushes with heat, an embarrassment washing over you when you realize you’re turned on. You should feel terrible for intruding on Yunho’s privacy like that, especially without him knowing, but all you can do is want him more than you already do. That craving for something deeper, carnal, fans the flame engulfing you, dragging you further into the sick and twisted hell you’ve created for yourself. 

Yunho has been nothing but welcoming, kind and gentle with you, someone he didn’t even know the name of until last month. Someone who’s done everything in their power to repress this lifestyle for so long. And for some reason, it just comes so easily with him. You don’t feel forced to enjoy living on the farm. He makes you laugh and puts a smile on your face effortlessly. He has you wondering if life can actually be this simple. 

But when all is said and done, there will be somebody else waiting for you back home. Somebody who doesn’t know how to whip up omurice with freshly laid eggs. Somebody who isn’t even a dog person, who thinks pets are nuisances. Somebody who doesn’t live in the farmhouse behind your grandparents’. It’s a bitter pill to swallow.

If you touch yourself with tears streaming down your cheeks to the thought of the man who has eyes that resemble the night sky, well that’s between you and whatever higher being exists out there. 

You sit across from Yunho with bated breath, afraid that if you opened your mouth he would know your dirty secret. You avoid his eyes for the same reason, like one good look at you would reveal what you were trying to hide. 

Yunho himself was doing his best to pretend like he hadn’t masturbated to the thought of you last night. He liked to think he was good at keeping his feelings under wraps. It wasn’t like he didn’t know you were in a relationship, he’s heard you on the phone before. He stays silent as he fries rice in a pan and has some bread in the toaster. The only sounds in the kitchen are sizzling and the pants coming from Yeoreum under your stool. 

In the time that you’ve been here, never once has it been awkward between you like this. The conversation usually doesn’t stop flowing, rolling on and on and filtering into things that don’t pertain to the original subject. He rarely has his back to you for too long, turning over his shoulder to shoot you a grin every here and now. 

Both of you go to speak at the same time as a means of salvaging the morning from eternal strain. You stare at each other for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. Truly, you were two birds of a feather, or however that saying goes.

”Sorry, I don’t know why I’m being so quiet today,” Yunho says, though he knows it’s a lie. “I guess I had a long night.”

”Oh, that reminds me,” his mention of the previous night has you recalling the reason you went out to the farmhouse in the first place. “The light in my bathroom went out, do you think you can fix it for me?” 

“Yeah, for sure,” he begins preparing your plate. “Actually, I have this joke about lightbulbs. You wanna hear it?”

Your lips curl into a smile, already attempting to hold back your laughter. With a raised eyebrow, you respond, “What is it?”

”What did the lightbulb say to the light switch?” He asks nonchalantly, taking a bite from his own piece of toast. You’re failing miserably at acting like you don’t think the joke is funny, although he hasn’t even told you the punchline yet.

”I dunno, Yunho, what did the lightbulb say to the light switch?” 

“‘You turn me on.’” 

There’s a pregnant pause as the joke resonates and you can’t stop yourself from cackling at how stupid it is. He joins in, but mostly because your laughter is contagious. His chest swells with pride at his successful landing, feeling like he’s on top of the world just for bringing a smile to your face. God, he was down tremendously bad. 

Your spoon clatters onto the counter as you lean over, a hand clapped over your mouth as your boisterous laughing simmers into a giggle. Yunho leans into you slightly, matching your energy as he munches on his toast. This is what has you conflicted, so at war with yourself. The proximity should have you pulling away, but something about him always reels you in, despite the consequences that await.

And unfortunately, those consequences come to a head today.

“Are you fucking serious, Y/N?” 

You and Yunho jump back, whipping towards the source of the voice. Seojun stands there, his bags at his feet and his face crestfallen, disbelief written all over it. He shakes his head and turns to leave, you stumbling off of the barstool to follow behind him. The guilt you’ve only ever felt momentarily settles deep in your chest and deep in your stomach, though you technically haven’t done anything wrong.

Your abruptness startles Yeoreum and she’s up in a heartbeat, tailing behind you curiously. Yunho has to rush to stop her, but a part of himself wants to do the same. No matter how much he likes you, he’s never wanted to be the cause of your relationship falling apart. He wanted you organically, not like this.

”Seojun! Wait!” You call after him, holding up a hand to block out the harsh sunlight, tripping over your slippers. He scoffs. 

“What am I waiting for? You to spew some bullshit about how nothing’s going on between the two of you? I’m not fucking stupid, Y/N. I’m not blind.” He pops open his trunk and throws his bags in haphazardly.

”You’re being unreasonable,” you exclaim, rounding the car so you’re directly in front of him. “There is nothing going on. We’ve just gotten to know each other since we live in the same vicinity. Did you want me to stay here for three months and hole myself away with no other human contact?”

“He was just supposed to be the guy who lived in the farmhouse. He wasn’t supposed to bother you. That’s what you told me, remember?” Seojun is losing his patience, something that has always been the root of the problem when you’ve gotten into past arguments. “How do you expect me to react when I come to surprise you and see you being so close to another man?”

“I was laughing at a joke he told me. You’re making this a bigger deal than it is and blowing everything completely out of proportion. I’m sorry that it never came up that we became friends, but I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve never once cheated on you in the three years we’ve been together and for you to accuse me of that is so fucking low of you.” You’re not going to cry, not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s won. He thrives off of seeing your vulnerability and you won’t let him have it. 

“I saw the way he was looking at you,” he seethes, balling his hands into fists at his sides. “I know that look because that’s how I used to look at you.”

A laugh devoid of any humor leaves you and he blinks. “That’s how you ‘used to’ look at me? When did you stop? And why am I just finding this out?”

”That’s not— that isn’t what I meant, Y/N—“

”No, Seojun. You did,” you glance away from him, nipping at the inside of your cheek. “We’re grasping for straws. We aren’t going anywhere anymore and we haven’t for a while now. That’s why we're standing here arguing over this. I just want to know why you didn’t just tell me.”

”I’m too complacent,” he sighs, breathing through his nose. “I was too comfortable with you and I didn’t know how to let you go or walk away. But you’re right, there isn’t anything for us to save, and it seems like we’re both ready to move on.”

“What does that mean?” 

“I saw how you were looking at him, too. You might not have acted on it, but you have feelings for him. I’m not gonna stay and hold you back.” Seojun unlocks his car, opening the door. “And for what it’s worth, you won’t be wasting your time.”

You don’t respond, instead humming and letting him drive off. Once his car is far enough out of your view, you go back into the house. There’s an indescribable emotion that hostages you, binding your wrists and tying you down metaphorically. You can’t seem to shake it. 

Yunho is still in the kitchen, sitting on the floor with Yeoreum to keep her calm. He gazes up at you expectantly and you feel the tears you were suppressing from Seojun bubbling up. If you weren’t going to cry in front of your (now ex) boyfriend, you definitely weren’t going to cry in front of him. 

With a trembling exhale, you force yourself to say, “I need to be alone.”

He understands empathetically, clipping on Yeoreum’s leash and leaving the house in the same breath. That in itself has you crying like a baby the moment you’re all by yourself. You hold your face in your hands, body shuddering with each sob you release. 

I saw the way he was looking at you. 

I saw how you were looking at him, too. 

You had a lot to think about, and everything always seemed to circle back to Jeong Yunho. 

A couple days escape you before you register you haven’t seen much of Yunho. After your breakup with Seojun, you really did need a bit of room to process it all, but you hadn’t realized just how much you depended on the cowboy’s presence until you were missing it. 

You hadn’t meant to push him away, if that’s how he saw it. A night of bawling your eyes out with a pint of ice cream and The Vow was enough to cure you. However, it appears that he thought you needed more, going as far as putting a pin in your daily breakfast ritual. You aren’t sure how to extend an olive branch when you weren’t even trying to cause a rift between you in the first place. 

Being with someone for three years may not seem like a lot, but that fraction of your life is stuck with you, like a thumbtack that refuses to come out of the wall. You’d had boyfriends before Seojun, but they weren’t nearly as serious. There weren't formal introductions between parents, no late night conversations that bleed into early mornings, no sleepovers and quick kisses before work. 

Of course, after a certain point, those had just become habitual. You weren’t doing them because they evoked a sense of love or care anymore, but rather because you were familiar with them. It was safer to continue the pattern of waking up and falling asleep to Seojun on the other side of the bed, the intrusion of sunlight and the cacophony of traffic outside your window, even if you didn’t really want to. 

And then you came here. 

Somehow, returning to your grandparents’ farm was exactly what you needed to break through that cycle. As much as you would love to attest it to your location and discovering the appreciation your family wanted you to feel for it, you know the real reason. It’s all thanks to a certain cowboy.

Yunho’s feelings for you run far deeper than he could’ve imagined. He doesn’t know the extent of what happened with you and Seojun, but he thinks putting distance between you is better in the long run anyway. On the off chance you’re still together, he wants to preserve his heart. He’s handed it to someone else too easily in the past and he doesn’t want to make that mistake with you if you don’t feel the same. 

But even on the off chance that you’ve broken up, he still wants to stop himself from falling further and harder than he already has. Without ill will, he doubts that you would give up the life you have in the city for this, for him. He’ll be perpetually chained to being a faint imprint on your memory of the summer. You’ll think back to the months you spent here and he’ll have played only a minor role. 

It was wishful thinking, too hopeful of him to presume this would lead to a happy ending. You were from different worlds, led different lives. It was time for him to be realistic. And that meant implementing the space that was supposed to exist between you from the get go. 

Though, you make it difficult when he bumps into you on the way back from the mailbox. Déjà vu, anyone?

Yeoreum is excited to see you, jumping onto her haunches to lick your face when you kneel to her level. You giggle, squeezing one eye shut as you balance yourself and hold her still so her weight doesn’t clamber you both onto the ground. Your fingers pet to top of her head softly as you coo, “Who’s a good girl?”

Yunho physically winces when his chest tightens at the sight of his two favorite girls. The word ‘distance’ bounces around his head like a pinball, reminding him what he’s supposed to be doing. He just can’t bring himself to walk away. Especially when you look at him with those pretty eyes of yours. 

“Hey…” You start, steeling your tone to ensure it’s even. “I’m sorry if it seemed like I was avoiding you or something. I needed some time to myself to figure things out. It wasn’t my intention to shut you out and put you on the back burner.”

”No, it’s okay. I had to figure stuff out on my own, too,” he uses his bandana to dab at the sweat perspiring on his forehead. “Did you sort through whatever you needed to?”

“I did,” you nod, standing upright. “Seojun and I broke up, so I had to sit with my feelings for a bit. We’ve been together for so long, I think I needed to remember what it was like to be without him, and then I realized that’s basically what I’ve been doing since I came here.”

”Oh.” Yunho’s lips form an ‘O’ shape, hands dragging down the sides of his pants. “I’m sorry— um— about your breakup.”

”Don’t be,” you smile, dismissing his sympathy. “It was a long time coming, honestly. We weren’t really in the relationship wholeheartedly anymore. There wasn’t a point in stringing it along, you know? But that’s enough about me, did you figure your own things out?”

”I thought I did,” he says, which is true considering he’d been mulling over what to do with his emotions subsequent to your argument with your ex. “And then I kinda steered off course. It’s alright, though, I think I like the new conclusion I’ve come to a lot better.”

You might be on the same page now, but there was an entire discussion that had to happen to solidify that. Following a very emotionally charged past couple days, you could do without that today. You’re both just glad that the air is cleared and you can resume building the bond that began forming the moment you stepped foot onto the farm, no restrictions whatsoever.

“Have you ever ridden a horse?” 

You glance up from your book, this time genuinely reading it as Yunho fed the chickens and cleaned up their coop. He towers over you while he asks the question, his shadow thwarting off any direct sunlight. Your nose scrunches. 

“When I was in, like, middle school? It’s been a minute,” you answer, making sure to bookmark the page you stopped at. “Why?

”Would you let me teach you how to do it again?” He nips at his lower lip, like he’s nervous you’ll say no. The truth of the matter is you’d say yes even if he asked you to commit arson, which is kind of a problem.

“That sounds fun,” you shrug. “What time should I be ready?”

”Uh, now?” 

Okay, so sitting on a horse did not seem this scary when you were twelve.

It probably had to do with you being fearless and whatnot, but also because you did whatever your grandparents asked just to appease them. The faster you got off the damn horse, the faster you could go back inside and situate yourself in front of the TV. They thought they were making progress with you, but really you were outsmarting the outsmarters. 

Sweat glazes on the underside of your hands, disrupting the security of your grasp on the reins. Yunho thought it would be wiser if he stayed on foot, guiding you and the horse around the perimeter of the pen. You hoped you didn’t look as afraid as you were, but you’re certain the slight quiver of your bottom lip gives it away. 

“You’re doing fine, Y/N,” he reassures, maintaining a comforting amount of eye contact with you.

”Am I? Or does it just seem that way because you’re pulling the horse?” You quip, gripping the reins tighter when it steps over a rock and you sway a little. Your tone is laced with sarcasm, something Yunho hasn’t heard much of from you since you’ve met, but he thinks it’s cute that you resort to violence when you’re scared.

You notice the quirk of his mouth and how he’s trying not to laugh at your terror. It pisses you off solely because his humor isn’t unwarranted. You are being a bit over dramatic. He unties his bandana from around his neck and tosses it to you. “So you don’t callus your hands.”

He’s too thoughtful, too considerate for his own good, but that’s what roped you in. Even when you met for the first time, he had you figured out. The longer you stare at him, the more you realize just how perfect he is. If you were still in school and you were tasked with writing an essay about the summer you spent here, you’re sure the words would flow onto the pages flawlessly, without skipping a beat. Your prose would be so beautifully written, that even the most notable authors would be envious of your experience.

The only downside of this was the fact that time was beginning to seep through your fingers. There was mutuality in your feelings for each other, that was almost unequivocal. You were both just hesitant in taking that first leap. The uncertainty lied with that goodbye at the end of August, the one that’ll hurt a lot more than it was supposed to. But you know that postponing your unceremonious declaration of feelings would just do more harm than anything else. 

One consistency you’ve singled out since coming back to the farm is this common theme of divine intervention, or fate, whatever you want to call it. Right when you’re on the brink of an epiphany, you’re always forcefully shoved into it, like a freight train crashing into its platform traveling at full speed. This moment is no different. 

Yeoreum barking at a squirrel on the other side of the pen scares the horse who’s back you were currently on. It bucks up and you release the reins in alarm. You fall quickly, but Yunho’s quicker, catching you in his arms like it’s been a childhood dream of his to be a superhero. He searches your face for any indication that you might be hurt, a hand coming up to cup your cheek. 

The eyes you’ve grown to adore examine your own with so much care that you find yourself melting in his hold. Your face instinctively leans into his palm, fingers still clutching the fabric of his shirt like he may drop you. 

It’s nearly second-nature to minimize the gap between you. 

You never understood what novelists meant when they described kissing scenes. And you think that’s because you’d never truly had a kiss like this before. It was as if they were all talking about this second, this blip in time. The sparks that shoot from where your lips meet to the tips of your fingers, the thump-thump-thump of your heartbeat in your ears, the sensation of never wanting to escape, never wanting to stop. 

Yunho’s hand snakes behind your head, tangling in your hair to deepen the connection. It’s hungry. It’s desperate. It’s too much. It’s not enough. Everything that had been stacking on top of each other was leading to this, the collision that rivaled the Big Bang. You whine into his lips, an invitation but also an inquiry. 

He parts from you just so he can catch his breath, his forehead resting on yours. “Can I take you inside?”

You nod fervently. “Yes. Please.”

He wastes no time hauling you to the farmhouse. His grip on your wrist is gentle as he pulls you into his bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed and trapping you between his legs. Your restraint wears thin, nimble fingers fumbling with the rest of the buttons on his denim shirt. You push it off of his shoulders, a bit shell shocked when you discover that he’s wearing a regular t-shirt as opposed to his usual tank top. 

“You would pull something like this today of all days,” you laugh breathily, untucking the shirt from his pants. He reciprocates the sentiment, pressing a kiss to the side of your neck while you undress him. 

“Is it evil of me to say I was sorta hoping this would happen?” He speaks into your exposed collarbone, nipping, sucking, biting the skin. Your appreciative sigh goads him, his tongue gliding across the abused surface as a form of relief. 

“Mm-mm,” you hum, shaking your head, fast to yank off his shirt and run your nails down his abdomen. “I’ve been waiting for this for too long.”

“Yeah?” Yunho flips the two of you easily so you’re the one on the bed now. He pushes up the hem of your shirt, pecking your stomach to your clavicle as he shows more and more of your skin until the fabric is removed from your body. “Can’t believe I finally get to have you.”

You involuntarily moan, completely untouched and because of his words alone. Every part of you feels like it’s lit ablaze, burning with want and need and everything in between. This ran further than just what-ifs and late night fantasies. Your relationship with Yunho tiptoed on the edge of something you’ve never known before, and that makes this so much more special. 

He glances up at you when his fingers reach for the button of your shorts, a silent ask for permission. You give him the green light and hold yourself up on your elbows, watching with your breathing trapped in your throat as he rids of your panties along with them. His hands push your knees to your chest, kissing your inner thighs and right around the place you need him most, but never there. 

“Yunho…” You warn, but it comes across as a broken whimper rather than an establishment of authority. He laughs and then his lips are pressing to your clit, a sweet kiss that has all rationality taking a vacation from your brain. Your head tips back and you fist at the sheets. 

He drags his tongue through your folds, swirling it around the sensitive bundle of nerves each time it makes its return. It’s almost criminal how good it feels to have his mouth on your cunt, eyes already heavy lidded with pleasure. He sucks on your clit at the same time he decides to insert a finger into your entrance, curling it experimentally just because he can. Like you predicted, it reaches that spongy spot at the crook of your pussy, brushing it once he’s sure he’s found it. 

While you walked in on him fucking his fist, the only thing on his mind was you. He was so absorbed in the mental image of what you would look like beneath him, wiggling, writhing, squirming with indulgence. His social awareness was at a zero. This replayed over and over until he came, his thoughts so vivid he could’ve swore it was real.

But this, the actual thing, was so much better; his forearm pinning your hips down, his middle finger curling and uncurling inside of you, his mouth working overtime to inch you towards the edge of that steep cliff. He moans when your eyebrows practically coalesce, bottom lip trapped between your teeth. You look so gorgeous like this, so disoriented all because of the bliss he was providing. The vibrations of the sound have you arching your back, uncontrollable whines running from your mouth.

“Feel good?” Yunho asks, disconnecting his mouth and replacing it with his other hand, ring and middle digits swiping across your clit with practiced pressure. 

“Mhm,” you nod frantically, eyes on the brink of rolling to the back of your head. “Feels so good, Yun… Just like that, ‘m almost there.”

That’s all he needs to hear, switching his hand and mouth once again, focusing on alternating harsh and gentle sucks of your clit, adding a second finger to pump in and out of your hole. The doubled change in stimulation knocks the wind out of you, the precipice of your orgasm so close you can taste it. You’d never been brought to the summit this early in the past, and you think Yunho deserves some sort of reward for being the first to do so.

You’d worry about that later though, because you’re blindsided by it before you can even conjure your next thought. You cum with a cry, tears springing to your eyes from the immense amount of ecstasy coursing through your veins, swimming in your bloodstream. Yunho coos at you, not stopping until you’ve relaxed in his hold. “That’s it, baby, you’re doing so well.”

The praise makes your head feel airy, like empty space unoccupied by anything. If you paid attention in chemistry, then you’d know that’s highly impossible, but you didn’t. The only chemistry you even remotely care about is the one between you and Yunho, the tension that has piled higher and higher for days on end until its crescendo now. 

You sit up to kiss him roughly, savoring the taste of yourself on his lips. He smiles into it, a hand raising to caress the underside of your jaw. He climbs onto the bed, scooting you up so you’re positioned by the pillows. It doesn’t take much effort for your bodies to swap, his back to the headboard. You clumsily seat yourself on his lap, a knee on either side of him and sighing wistfully when his mouth trails down your throat and sternum, slender fingers sneaking behind you to unclasp your bra.

He aids you in removing his pants, still simultaneously prioritizing kisses all over your bare chest. When you’re both fully naked, you take your time admiring his cock. It’s just as pretty as you remember, long and thick. Your hand wraps around it gingerly, stroking the length as you lean down to kiss him again. You don’t think you could ever get enough of his lips on your own. 

“I’m not exactly getting any action over here, so I don’t have any condoms,” he says into your kiss, voice no louder than a whisper. 

“That’s okay,” you run your fingers through his hair. “Wanna feel you anyways, all of you.”

”Fuck, Y/N, you can kill a man with those words.” He groans, nails digging into your hips. You giggle, but it’s interrupted by him sitting you fully, his dick slipping through your lower lips. A whine brushes his ear when the tip catches your clit, repeating the movement until you can’t stay still.

The closest you’ll ever get to Heaven on earth is Yunho’s cock pushing inside of you, filling you up so deliciously you think you could die like this. Your jaw slackens, hands coming up to support yourself on his shoulders. Even if this is a one time thing, something that never happens again during your stay at the farm, he wants you to remember this when you go back home. He wants you to recall this sliver in your timeline and never forget it, wants his name engraved in your memory like a branding iron.

Once he feels you’ve adjusted to him well enough, he pulls you off of him almost entirely, just to ram back in without mercy. He punches a voluminous moan from you, eyes watching where he disappears in you and reemerges. You’re tighter and so much warmer than he dreamed you’d be, but it’s perfect. You suck him in like a vacuum, as if his cock was made to be inside of you, as if you didn’t want him to part from you.

“You’re s-so deep, Yun,” you mewl, pulling him in for another headache-inducing kiss. “Don’t wanna stop.”

He exhales through his nostrils, mumbling out a curse when your walls squeeze around him. He wanted to last a while for you, wanted to hold out and prolong this moment until you were both on the crest of passing out. But you feel like a glove, your silk-adjacent cunt begging for more and more. 

“Think I might cum soon, princess,” he groans, tossing his head back and just about losing every ounce of his sanity when your lips start marking the column of his throat. 

His big hands move under your thighs, holding you in place so he can fuck up into you. The pace at which his cock drills in and out of your pussy has you seeing stars, eyes snapping shut and nothing but colorful spots decorating your vision. You were already abhorrently sensitive following your first orgasm, so it didn’t really take much to introduce the second. 

Your hips stutter and it washes over you like a tidal wave, your body shuddering and collapsing into his top half. He pulls out of you quickly, mouth stationed by your ear as he jerks himself off until he’s painting your backside. He moans, a lot like the sounds he was making the other night, and you feel the need to just kiss him again. 

Your lips lock sweetly, a stark contrast to your previous actions. Yunho curves a hand on your cheek, seperating from you the smallest distance so he can admire you. The smile that etches onto his expression makes you dizzier than anything else. However, the cutesiness can only span so long before the setting gives way. 

Yunho’s hand snakes in between you, his forefinger sliding up and down your slit teasingly. Your breath comes out shaky, your face finding purchase in the crook of his neck. He replaces the digit with his middle finger, parting your pussy lips in search of your clit. It doesn’t take him very long to find it, rubbing tight circles into the engorged skin. You moan into his shoulder, resting your forehead on it to see the way he works your cunt. 

“You’re so wet, baby. Have I not fucked you enough?” He whispers into your ear huskily. Yunho talking dirty to you is something you didn’t know you needed in your life. His finger slips downward, thrusting up into your hole with ease. He keeps massaging your clit with his palm, the stimulation making your head woozy.

“Mmmph— Yun, god. Feels too good.” You whine, gyrating your hips on his hand. 

“Is that right, babe?” He encourages, adding a second finger and increasing the speed of their thrusts, almost like you hadn’t been in this position already. “I can’t wait to feel this tight little pussy around my cock again. Gonna fuck you harder than the last.”

Your whimpers raise in volume, focusing on the way he curls his digits in you, applying pressure with the heel of his palm to the circles he’s rubbing into your clit. You can sense your third orgasm approaching, warmth flooding your cheeks at how embarrassingly fast he worked you back up. Your walls clench around his fingers, alerting him of how close you are. He pauses, worming his body down so his face is eye level with your cunt again.

Yunho does the whole teasing thing a second time, kissing and suckling the hot skin of your belly, knowingly denying you of your release. You grab a handful of his hair, tugging at the ends to spur him on. He groans, giving into you and licking a straight line up your slit. He inserts both fingers again, this time using his tongue to manipulate your swollen clit.

The heat of Yunho’s mouth makes your insides ache, the necessity to cum intensifying. You keen loudly, desperately, needily, the sight of the brunette between your legs so incredibly arousing. He sucks on your throbbing clit, his long fingers as deep as they can go, and you crumble. 

“Oh my god— oh my god— I’m cumming! I’m—” You cut yourself off, convulsing under him. He laps up as much of your juices as he can, coating his chin with your release. You moan as you pull him towards you to unify your lips, a mixture of your saliva and cum connect your mouths in strings. At this point, the sex is messier than anything you could’ve plucked from your wildest dreams. 

One hand trails down your body, using your nimble fingers to play with your sensitive clit when he starts fisting his cock in preparation to enter your pussy again. You use your free hand to scratch at his contracting abs. He hisses, propping himself up with one arm next to your head and his eyes trained on the way you finger yourself at the same time. You can feel his breath on your cheeks and being in this proximity to him fuels your yearning.

“Please, Yun… Need you back inside of me,” you whimper. Rubbing your clit with your own fingers isn’t satisfying enough, not with him here in front of you, not when you know how good he can make you feel.

“Fuck, baby, when you beg like that I don’t know if I can hold back.” He chuckles lowly. It rumbles from his chest, shooting to your core. 

“So don’t,” you rouse. “This is more than just a one time thing for me, Yunho.”

His eyes widen just a bit, your confession catching him off guard. That’s all he needs to line himself up with your hole, hooking his forearm under your knee as he slides in, stretching your cunt so perfectly with his perfect cock. “Shit— you’re so tight, princess… It’s almost like I didn’t just fuck you within an inch of your life.” He moans and spreads your legs wider. He bottoms out with a grunt, throwing his head back from the feeling of your velvety walls. A near deafening cry is ripped from your vocal cords. He nips at your neck, starting to piston his hips. 

His thrusts don’t slow but become calculated, speeding up and diving deep simultaneously. It only took a short amount of time to figure out what you liked and he used it to his advantage. Yunho hikes your knee to your chest, groping your tits with his free hand. He twists and tugs at your nipples just hard enough that it contributes to your pleasure rather than hurts you.

It’s as if he doesn’t feel buried inside of you sufficiently, because he decreases his pace to press and fold your other leg up, his hips ramming into your ass with each thrust now. The tip of his cock kisses at what feels like your cervix. That familiar coil begins to fasten again, keening with every drive into your cunt. The squelching noises would’ve made you cower in shame with anyone else, but with Yunho it turns you on further.

You moan, and he flattens his hand on the lower part of your stomach. Yunho groans, biting the skin where your shoulder meets your neck. Your fingers find your clit again, circling insatiably to get yourself off. 

“You gonna cum for me again?” He rasps, his hold on your legs almost painful. The backs of your thighs burn, but you endure it for the sake of the moment. You reach up and behind yourself, grabbing at the headboard in an attempt to match his force. 

“Oh my god, yes— yes yes yes yes,” you babble, the syllables blurring together like your mind. “Gonna cum so hard for you, Yunho. Keep going, please.”

His lips attach to yours, tongues tangling sloppily. The position you’re in is on the opposite end of the spectrum from how you were expecting this summer reunion to go. Had you not been made aware of Yunho living here at the last minute, you probably would’ve backed out of your commitment to staying. Deep down you’re a little too thankful that your grandmother mentioned him when it was too late to reconsider. 

“I think I’m in love with you, Y/N,” Yunho whispers into your mouth. 

You let go of the headboard, cupping his jaw and kissing him lovingly. “Me too.”

Your fingers speed up and so do his thrusts, perfectly timed with each other to shove you both towards your highs. You’re on the cusp of falling apart, arching into him to close the gap between your bodies. 

“Wanna cum inside you. Can I?” Yunho grunts. 

“Yes yes, please. Fill me up, Yun, want all of you.” 

He continues to abuse your cunt, pounding into you like his life depended on it. You sob, clamping your walls around him. He freezes, suddenly spilling into you. “Come on, baby, cum on my cock.” The warmth of his release and his words coax your orgasm, the fluttering of your cunt milking every single drop from him that it can. Even with his dick plugging you up, you can feel it dripping out of you and onto the sheets below. 

He rocks into you languidly until you’ve calmed down enough for him to pull out. His forehead is flush on your chest, rising and falling with it, both of you so spent from the intense physical activity you engaged in. You stare up at the ceiling with heavy eyelids, carding your fingers through his hair to soothe him. 

“You meant what you said right? About this not being a one time thing.” Yunho says hesitantly, like he’s afraid of permeating the atmosphere you created. 

“I don’t think I can go home at the end of the summer and forget the way I feel for you, Yunho.” You admit out loud. There had been a constant struggle in your head over whether or not to follow your heart, but as he looks at you with those sparkly eyes of his, you know your answer. And you feel a little stupid for ever considering the counter. 

“And what exactly are those feelings?” He pushes, folding his hands on your sternum and laying his cheek on top. You giggle, brushing his hair out of his view. As tempting as it was to divulge your theatrical journey in assessing your emotions, you’re too exhausted to stay awake. It would have to wait for another day. 

“You have the rest of the summer to find out, cowboy.”

© yunhoszn. do not steal, claim, or repost. 

[thebibliosphere]

(not intended to be an answer to the post about screens! I hope you get the info you're looking for!) Have you ever looked at FL-21 glasses lenses(aka rose colored glasses) ? They're one of the best things I ever did for my own migraines. They filter a Lot more than just blue light, including being Actually Helpful against fluorescent lights. I got a pair with 20% tint, and with them I can actually do things like go to a grocery store or step outside without feeling like Death even on days I have a mild migraine. Before them I couldn't even go to a grocery store on Good Days without ruining the rest of my night.

Sorry if you've looked into or tried them before! I just figured I'd recommend them since they've helped me so much and they're not talked about as medical tools enough imo

Thank you. My rx prism glasses are rose colored because otherwise opening my eyes is agony. I’ve got an additional red clip I attach for outdoors/bad indoor days. They’re a life saver but unfortunately not enough for whatever bullshit my brain/eyes are pulling right now with screens 🫠.

(I’ve been to neuro-ophthalmology twice this month before anyone suggests I check my RX. My rx hasn’t changed.)

[scientia-rex]

Best Things I Have Bought

I'm not sure how successful I will be in remembering all of it, but I'll try. These have all been game-changers for me, in a variety of ways. If teen me had had access to all of these, I would have been a vastly happier person.

This one is long, so I'll put in a cut.

-outlet timers. Not having to go around and manually turn off lamps at bedtime? Amazing. I bought these but you can and should get some that have a grounded outlet with three prongs so you can attach good extension cords to them.

-famotidine. aka Pepcid, it's the safest option I currently know of for managing acid reflux. I get nauseated when I get acid reflux, so this is a necessity for me.

-T-Gel shampoo. The only one that keeps my husband's insane dandruff under control. Coal tar shampoos smell peculiar, but are totally worth it if they work. For my hair, I like anti-dandruff conditioner--I apply it to my scalp and my other conditioners to the length of my hair. After bleaching my hair, I use Olaplex 3 to prevent more severe damage; the difference is very noticeable.

-white vinegar for a laundry rinse. I get horrendous contact dermatitis and adding this in the "fabric softener" cup in my washer keeps things from making my skin burn.

-on a similar note, all Oxy laundry booster. Doesn't make my skin burn but does make stains and smells noticeably better than detergent alone.

-Aquaphor. If you have eczema, nothing helps like Aquaphor, unless it's hydrocortisone ointment (the same white petrolatum base as Aquaphor but with hydrocortisone) or a prescribed steroid.

-Bissell Stomp 'N' Go pads. I have stomped. The stain goes.

-Prune puree. A packet a day keeps the chronic constipation at bay. Less volume to consume than prune juice and, in my opinion, slightly more palatable.

-Chinotto is a bitters-based beverage that I discovered by accident really helps my chronic nausea. I've tried other brands, and San Pellegrino is definitely my favorite. Tastes weird at first, but when heavy-duty ginger ale doesn't ease it, Chinotto can. And when that doesn't work, I have Zofran (ondansetron) my doctor prescribed me for the nausea I get with migraines, and that's an effective anti-nausea agent for more than just migraines.

-"You Just Need to Lose Weight (And 19 Others Myths About Fat People)" by Aubrey Gordon.

-rolling laundry cart. Doesn't have to be this one but if you CAN roll your laundry to and fro from the machines, do it.

-"Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. If you Google, you can usually find a free pdf floating around.

-"The Vagina Bible," by Dr. Jen Gunter.

-satin scrunchies. Wet Brush. Terry cloth lined shower cap. AOA terry cloth hair turban (way, way better than similar ones from drugstore).

-stretchy work pants.

-bra liners. For large-chested people who tend to get sweaty underboob, this is a life-saver.

-Goo Gone.

-Dr. Scholls medicated foot powder and the Earth Therapeutics tea tree oil foot spray. The foot powder works for super long days and the spray for lighter days.

-Reflective heat pad. I use this on my car seat in the winter and I am so happy for that every single chilly morning. I've repurchased it... once or twice? now.

-Retin-A. I used to use Differin, which is adapalene, the most potent retinoid available over the counter, but the switch to prescription-only Retin-A has been very noticeable. Decreased wrinkles, clearer skin. More inclined to flake and burn but it's worth it for me.

-Red LED therapy. Near-infrared stimulates collagen production in the skin. The only other thing that really does that is retinoids. I bought the Omnilux mask, which is certainly high-end, but HotandFlashy (a YouTube content creator) did a great comparison of different masks available by specs and this was the best at the time. The difference is noticeable within days. I've tried other, lower-powered masks, but what made me make the jump to high-end was that I got the Dennis Gross red LED eye mask for crows' feet off eBay and I was like "holy shit, this is better." And Omnilux is better still. It makes sense, since they were the OG of the models that have been in dermatology clinics for a couple of decades now.

-AOA foundation has been at least as good at my TooFaced foundation, and it's like 1-2 bucks instead of 40. There are light, medium, and deep shades, each on different pages; I'm linking to light because that's what I use. The lightest shade works for me, and I'm basically translucent.

-AOA VitaGlow tinted moisturizer is absolutely my go-to for lighter coverage days.

-AOA PawPaw blending sponges. Best out there and also the cheapest.

-(do not buy any of the AOA eyeshadows. Total waste of time, zero pigment. I've tried repeatedly and they're just garbage. The highlights are generally fine though.)

-Direct acid foot peels. The calluses come off. Just don't do it when you have ANY open wound on the feet, because it's acid and will sting like hell.

-blendercleanser solid cleanser for blending sponges and brushes. Actually a) gets them clean and b) rinses out.

-PureWine wine wands. I let these puppies sit for three minutes in a glass and suddenly I can drink red wine without migraines or hangovers. Fucking miraculous.

-Dustbuster. Holy shit it's amazing for ADHD peeps. Small thing bugging you? Can't get yourself to bust out the "real" vacuum? USE THIS.

-Crocs. Don't @ me. I wear a black pair around the house and for garden chores and they make my feet happy. Salonpas patches and/or BenGay for a topical when you're sore--topicals are great pain relief.

-Vibrating neck pillow. Don't need it right now? Wait until your next head cold. Vibration clears sinuses.

-PooPourri. I love not having to smell poop. This, and similar products, work pretty well by trapping scent particles in the oil layer instead of letting them evaporate into the air.

-Electric snow thrower. I can't manage a large, heavy snow blower and I don't want to deal with a gas engine. This little guy helped me clear my large driveway in 3-4 hours instead of 12.

-The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark, by Carl Sagan.

-Handheld home IPL for hair removal. I ordered this exact one and I like it. You can get these on eBay or Amazon for cheaper sometimes; just make sure you PROTECT YOUR EYES during flashes. Targets pigment in the hair bulb so lighter skin and darker hair work better, and deeper skin tones may burn.

-Lanolin chapstick. Makes all other chapsticks I've used look like garbage.

-Steam eye masks. ShopMissA sells these and you can find them on a lot sites; shouldn't cost more than about a dollar per mask. I ended up buying an electric eye mask because I wanted to treat my dry eye and that just felt more environmentally responsible, but I love falling asleep with these on and I can't do that with my plug-in mask.

I think this is where I'll leave it--I've gone back quite a ways in my shopping history across multiple sites and thought about my daily routines--but if any of these problems torture you, these are my suggestions.

[icyowl]

Bluelock Cuddling headcanons

ft. Isagi, Chigiri, and Kunigami

Request: none

A/N: one of my racehorses won a race today so here’s a little gift to celebrate my good mood!

—————

Yoichi Isagi

the respectful kind

his favorite is half-cuddle — him on his back, you curled up into his side, head on his chest. Does his arm fall asleep? Absolutely. Will he stop? Never.

make his heart wobble any time you look up and about how much you like this — spending time with him, being close like this, knowing he cares about your opinion enough to ask so frequently for it.

Isagi is the kind that likes to cuddle the nights before a stressful thing. He gets to talk out his troubles and generally feel better about whatever anxieties he's got. Also, he genuinely seeks your life advice. He talks through his problems, that's who he is, and with you like this it feels like such a private time of vulnerability.

You habitually play with one another's fingers and hands. Usually it's sweet, but sometimes it devolves into thumb wars, arm wrestling, and even all out tickle battles. Sometimes he even lets you win

If he's lucky he can get you to fall asleep before he does. Reason? He likes watching you doze on him. Something about you falling asleep to the dip and rise of his chest makes him all giddy and humble at the same time.

Inevitably someone walks in on you two only to be greeted with the terror-inducing glare he pins them down with. Wake you up and they are not long for this world.

Hyoma Chigiri

the timid kind

go-to is the traditional spoon. It means you don't have to look at him and whatever embarrassment he's gotta be showing while being this close to you.

As time goes on, he starts to get almost too comfortable with it. On the phone? Playing a game? Fuckin' doing laundry? Doesn't matter. When he's lying on any bed or couch, there is a distinct bubble of space, and if you invade the bubble, you're within striking distance. His arms are nearly as fast as his legs. Chigiri will latch onto you, will pull you in, and will interrupt whatever it is you wanted to do so he can spoon you.

Rub his hand or intertwine fingers while he's got an arm draped over you and he is GONE

There have been times when he's pushed you away, and though it makes sense — he's always been the kind to close himself off, turn vile and harsh when he's hurting — it breaks you. When you're both ready to reconcile, somehow it ends with your back to his chest, his legs mixed with yours, and his warm hand holding you snug to his body.

Also likes this position because it lets him nuzzle in right on the wispy hairs at the bottom of your neck or the big vein on the side.

Turn the tables on him by flipping over in his grip and facing him head-on. It's also a nice way to get even closer to him when you've had a bad day. A kind of haven can be found in nestling under his chin. He's alright with this — it means you can't see his face and the obvious love-sick tint to his eyes.

Rensuke Kunigami

the kind that doesn't know his own strength

best likes the space-saver, aka, one person laying on top of the other. Boy doesn't care which of you is on top. He likes supporting your body or you supporting his — something about being the other person's strength makes the back of his head tingle.

first time he lays on you, he doesn't check his weight at all, just flops down. Immediately thinks he's broken you when you squeak. After that he's almost too wary about hurting you. Am I too heavy? Can you breathe okay? Do I need to get up? You can get on top if you want. Relax Kunigami, just don't fall from orbit and you'll be fine.

Icing on the cake is when you play with his hair. Dude could be angry as an ox, ready to rip someone in half, and two minutes of your fingers in his hair has him fighting to stay awake and spend time with you. What was he angry about again?

One time you fell asleep on his chest, all blissed out and comfy, only to wake up in a shiny puddle of your own drool. You were, understandably, mortified, but the embarrassment turns to affection when he casually disregards the whole thing: it's just a shirt, it'll dry.

You figured you repaid the favor when several weeks later he was one on top of you, head burrowed unceremoniously into your stomach, arms underneath your back, refusing to look up or speak. The reason revealed itself when he finally met your eyes.

Tears. Tiny sniffs too. Four words: I failed my team. That was all he said before digging his face back into your skin. It took time, and a lot of encouragement, but he did eventually snap out of the funk and even apologized for messing up your clothes. It'll dry, you said, and you shared a little snicker.

[loupy-mongoose]

For MOLD how did Timber come across Apricity? (sp?) I would think it'd be afraid of wolves, unless of course he saver her life?

One doesn't just "come across" a staffwyrm, at least the way Appi is to Timber.

To answer your question; I believe Timber found a place that sells eggs and bought her egg. That's it. XD

But if anyone wants staffwyrm lore...

It is possible to find and adopt a post-hatched staffwyrm, but they work a very specific way. Adopting an adult or hatchling would lead to it being only a pet, with none of the magical benefits they were bred for.

So, the way they work is this;

Typically, they are acquired by those practicing magic, aka mages. A mage will get an egg somehow, usually through buying one, sometimes they get it as a gift or reward, or part of magical training. Sometimes through dubious means or even just stumbling across it in the wild somewhere. But it has to be an egg for it to function magically.

Once the egg is acquired, the mage holds onto it until it hatches, during which time the growing baby "calibrates" to the mage's magical signature. Once the baby hatches, it is fully attuned to the mage's magic and seemingly mind, as they're capable of hardening on a dime to meet their owner's needs and wants. They also help the mage channel magic.

(This part discusses death and self-neglect) Now, because each staffwyrm is specifically attuned to one person, when that person dies, the wyrms are deeply affected. They typically become depressed and despondent, often dying themselves soon after from lack of food and water intake. It's possible for them to be adopted by another person and emotionally recover, but they are unable to function as a staff to anyone else. They would be entirely a pet or companion for the rest of their lives.

Might as well throw this in since it's relevant; If Eirwen hadn't revived Timber, Apricity would have been adopted by his family and emotionally recovered.

[milaisreading]

Toddlers at Japan U-20

Warnings ⚠️: DON'T LET ME WRITE AGAIN. Idk how or why I thought of this☠️ Reader uses she/her. Requests are open

⚽️Blue lock belongs to:Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura⚽️

"Oliver...no." (Y/n) glared at the now 4-year-old boy. The black haired boy was seated in the kitchen at the Blue Lock building and drinking his milk... or he was supposed to, but was instead busy glaring at Hayate, who was sleeping in her arms. So now he was threatening to spill the milk as a 3-year-old Teppei and 4-year-old Niou kept quiet and ate their lunch. Neither really wanted to be om (Y/n)'s bad side.

"Hold...me." Oliver demanded as (Y/n) shook her head as the other two glared at the boy's demands. They all listened to (Y/n), so why should Oliver, who listens to nothing, have the privilege of being hugged.

"Oliver, please just drink up your milk. You know I can't hold you since Hayate is sleeping." (Y/n) said, feeling the said boy tighten his grip on her shirt.

"No!" Oliver exclaimed and threw the bottle and before (Y/n) could catch it, Sendo was already there and caught the bottle. The 4-year-old gave (Y/n) a toothy grin and handed her the bottle. The girl took it and put the bottle on the table.

"Ahh Sendo~ you are a real life saver!" (Y/n) cheered as she crouched down and kissed the boy on the head. Sendo blushed a little and giggled, pointing at his head.

"Kiss...another,please..." The boy asked and 5 pairs of eyes watched in jealousy as Sendo received another kiss.

"Kiss! Me too, please!" Teppei yelled as he jumped off of the chair and ran to where (Y/n) was, giving the girl nearly a heart attack as he did so.

"Teppei, be careful!" She warned the boy, who ran up to her and sent her a smile while pointing at his head.

"Here..." He pointed and (Y/n)'s glare softened a little and she did as asked, which caused protests from the others.

'I was just supposed to be a manager! Not a babysitter.' (Y/n) groaned as Oliver and Noiu grabbed Teppei's shirt and pulled the blushing boy away. The 3- year-old Miroku and Itsuki looked at the three fighting and then looked back at (Y/n). Huffing, Itsuki started patting Hayate's back in an attempt to wake him up. It started working as the white-haired boy started groaning, but Itsuki got stopped by (Y/n) who grabbed his hand and started scolding him a little.

"No no, Itsuki. You friend is sleeping. Hayate is tired, just let him rest." Itsuki pouted and (Y/n) went back to calm the other three down. Using the chaos, Miroku went and laid down on the ground, using (Y/n)'s lap as his pillow, which in return caused Sendo to start crying and throwing a small tantrum.

'How is Hayate not awake by now?! He could sleep through a tornado.'

After a good hour of calming everyone down, the boys were doing their own things, aka Sendo, Teppei and Miroku were watching a cartoon while Niou and Oliver were following (Y/n) around. Somewhere down the line she had successfully put Hayate to bed, which now meant for the boys she will hold one of them. This assumption caused both boys to start huffing and puffing when she didn't offer it to one of them. Instead all (Y/n) did was start cleaning up and washing the dishes, I mean... they were right there demanding attention! Oliver frowned and started pulling on (Y/n)'s pants to get her attention while she was washing something.

"Stop it Oliver, or else I am calling your coach and asking him to take care of you guys." (Y/n) warned as the others had a look of horror at the thought. Niou nodded his head in Oliver's place and pulled the boy away.

"(Y/N)!" The door opened and a 4-year-old Shidou ran over to the girl, hugging her tightly around her legs. The girl dried her hands and looked at the blonde while.

"Shidou? Where are Sae and Teru? Weren't you two together?" (Y/n) asked the pink-eyed boy, who pointed at the door. At the door was 3-year-old Sae, looking as bored as usually, but he wasn't who caught her attention, it was Teru. To (Y/n)'s shock the 3-year-old sobbed and held his forehead.

'This isn't good! The JFU will have my head if one of them gets injured!' (Y/n) thought as she removed Shidou's arms and ran to the door.

"Ahh, what happened Teru? Let me see what the issue is." The boy let her remove his hands and she started inspecting his forehead.

"Huh?" Sendo, Teppei and Miroku looked away from the TV and at the three. Sae rolled his eyes, not liking to be ignored by (Y/n). Oliver, Shidou and Niou were meanwhile staring daggers at Teru, but decided to say nothing, not wanting the coach to be their caretaker.

"Hmmm? Did Teru fall down?" (Y/n) asked Sae as she noticed the red mark on the boy's forehead. The redhead nodded his head silently, not showing any emotions really.

"Come here, Teru. Everything will be fine~" (Y/n) cooed and hugged the toddler, and to the shock of the other U-20 she started kissing his forehead. While Teru was enjoying the attention the others on his team (minus Hayate) were glaring daggers at him and planning their revenge.

[mayakern]

I've meant to ask for ages who Carsyn was. I always see the Carsyn social media rank tag and wonder who that is. I feel a bit silly, I tried to go through the tag, but the adhd brain weasles got in the way after a while. :X But I'm still curious.

carsyn is our social media manager! aka my life saver.

btw if u search a tag on a blog on browser and add /chrono to the end u can see the posts in that tag chronologically, so u can find her intro post easily that way

[turtleations]

Interview with YOSHIKI - Translation

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Note: I wrote much earlier that I was not going to do this particular "interview" (aka free commentary after one single prompt of the interviewer) because it doesn't actually offer any information not available in plenty of other places, but since I'm doing every single other interview in that book, it felt weird to leave it out in the end. And since it's so short, I ended up doing an actual translation rather than a "summary", although I am not happy with it.

It's still long enough to warant a cut:

It’s great that you were playing your new song at the X JAPAN reunion concert at the Tokyo Dome.

Regarding “Without You” (the song YOSHIKI dedicated to HIDE), I also thought about the magnificent version performed at the Tokyo Dome, but this time there was no time for it. Whether it’ll be overseas or in Japan, I’m thinking about maybe doing the next one in a pattern that will develop into something spectacular. Regarding “I.V.” (the song using HIDE’s guitar track), I thought it would turn out cool to have the audience sing the first part before returning to Japan and then later add sound effects and the band parts. Therefore, I told the band members on the second day of the performance, “Until everyone starts the big chorus, I won’t be drumming at all.” It was really exciting, wasn’t it?

Anyhow, this time there was a lot of preparation to do, but, not limited to the hologram, things related to HIDE are of the most importance now. I started that work quite early in Los Angeles. So far, I’ve chosen a good take of HIDE’s from that live and singled out only his part. We perform while listening to this sound of HIDE’s, but it took an enormous amount of time for the sequence for that to be created. Still, it was not enough to invoke a live-feel, so for that song, SUGIZO joined us as the first guest-guitarist to play along with HIDE’s image.

When remembering HIDE, what left the deepest impression? In the end, that would be something that once happened when we went to have dinner together. I am bad at picking out fish bones. I was livid, saying, “How can I eat this?”, and next to me, HIDE went, “Wait a moment, I’ll take them out,” and cleanly separated all the bones for me (laughs). Because of things like this, he was like a mother.

As a musician, HIDE was the type who thought about things very attentively. For example, X’s songs are ensemble pieces, and I, the one who sees those vertical sounds, am the one for the ultimate details, but on the other hand, there are also things I have a rough grasp of, and it felt like HIDE was right there in between those two extremes. Therefore, filling in the duties left by HIDE for our live this time has been terrible, I think.

But, to me, HIDE had been a friend before he was a band member. Way back, HIDE came to recruit me for his band. Next, I tried to recruit HIDE. That day, I went to Yokohama’s “7th Avenue” to see a SAVER TIGER live, and I brought LADIESROOM’s George along. “Today, we’re off to get HIDE!” “Are we?” Like that (laughs). Therefore, after the live, when everyone was having an afterparty, I said in front of them all, “HIDE, join X!” Which didn’t result in much of a fight, somehow.

At that time, HIDE smoothed it over by telling me, “Let’s talk about it more slowly later.” He, too, had been betting his life on SAVER TIGER. And I had come in with a special attack like that (laughs). George had been surprised. “Please have those talks in secret, or at least not where all the members are gathered,” he said. But since talk like that tends to leak anyway, I figured it would be better do it right in front of everyone to begin with (laughs).

While there were episodes like that, eventually, SAVER TIGER ended up disbanding. I got a phone call from HIDE then. “I’m thinking about giving up music,” he said. When I told him, “Then, isn’t it better to just do so?” and heard “Eh? You’re not trying to get me to join your band?” in reply, I answered, “That’s your decision, that’s why,” and HIDE was surprised. I think I was waiting for the words, “Well, I’ll join X,” but HIDE did not say that.

When HIDE asked, “Would it be okay for me to come watch X’s rehearsal?” two or three days later, I said, “Yeah, come.” While he watched the rehearsal, HIDE appeared to be deep in thought. In those days, we often went drinking after rehearsing, but this day, after making the invitation, “Let’s go drinking!”, HIDE immediately said, “I’m joining X.” I’d somehow known that already, but it still caused big excitement.

At that point, X’s fixed members were only TOSHI and me, and so HIDE got personal invitations from a lot of different bands who wanted him to join them. Because of that, he met with a lot of people. But in the end, HIDE always cut them off with “I’m with X, that’s why.” “But, X is only drums and vocals?”, he was then told. I think it’s great that TOSHI stood his ground in this. Because guitarists had come and gone, come and gone over and over.

I think X was a band not affiliated with any genre. It was not thrash metal, not orthodox hard rock, I liked punk, but the songs we made were too melodious for that and I also liked music in a classical style. The more I talked about the sound I wanted to create, the more chaos there was among the members. Because of this, we separated from other bands more and more. I think that that while HIDE had courage to jump into that, he must have approved of us and our style in the first place. When HIDE told me, “I don’t understand it, but it looks like you’re creating something big, YOSHIKI. I’ll wager on that,” I gained confidence. “You will dash forward, so I will follow you,” he said.

HIDE got along well with the music critics. But I always had to fight with them. For example, one time, a certain critic called them to some issakaya [restaurant that also serves alcohol] in a very positive manner, saying, “Let’s think about the future of X.” Because the period in which a band like ours got positive attention from music critics was like a lifeline. But there we were told, “If all the members sported black hair and an army look, X could be a success,” and I flipped out and asked him “Are you an idiot?” HIDE tried to calm me down with “Wait a second. Please take it easy,” but I was like, “Shut up! I’m going to beat this fucker up!” (laughs)

Even though HIDE said, „It they hate us any more, it’s over for us,” I said something like, “That doesn’t matter. We’re going to perform on TV,” and just went home. At that time, rock bands never went on TV. Even after our debut, I was told by the people from the record company that TV appearances were rare, but the more they said so, the more I wanted to do it. About this, HIDE said, “I don’t really understand it, but if YOSHIKI says we should, then we will. I’ll follow you.” He always took that position.

Mentally, we were perfectly punk. Regardless of the quality of something, we wanted to dare going to places where we would be laughed at for doing what we did, or where it was not allowed. We had that strange kind of self-confidence since long ago, and I think HIDE understood that as well. For example, my background is in classical music, and so I thought there was no way I would be defeated if they talked about music, and just wanted to face them head on.

But before I could get that across to the other person, I just lost my temper. Here, HIDE interpreted for me, saying, “Actually, what YOSHIKI wanted to say is this.” At that time, he did that a lot. This isn’t a real thing we used, but HIDE would say things like, “That’s on page 60 of the YOSHIKI user manual.” (laughs) Is it okay to perform this action at that time, in a case like this, that’s what he’s saying, and so on. HIDE explained it like that to a lot of people (laughs).

In that sense, too, HIDE felt a lot like a mother. When he died, it felt like losing family. Although we are now standing on stage at Tokyo Dome like this, TOSHI was simply a childhood friend at first, and the same goes for HIDE. Before they are members of my band, they feel like members of my family. That’s why… It’s strange, isn’t it, this kind of thing.

[saelterlude]

lc musical clips pt.5!! can't believe this reaches 5 parts. to be fair, the more i watch the cooler the actors are and the more i love each of their quirks.

funfact before we start, if we exclude CMZ(bcs wtf. you are not 124 y/o CMZ), the average age of LG actors is 28 while the average age of CXS actors is 25 (I didn't take their birth month into account so give or take one)

The oldest being Du Guangyi at 34 y/o and the youngest being Jing Yangqiao at 20 (21 this April).

(pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, pt.4, pt.6, pt.7 here)

68. BONUS, the composer for the musical songs, metablue, posted a composing diary/vlog of her making 'forget about it' aka the encore sofa song. It's a really cool watch, and it's pretty short too.

69. 14/03/2024, Wang Minhui made Cai Qi laugh and break character so hard by sliding on the table that they skip rock paper scissors altogether. Thank youu shimmeringweeds for finding this clip, youre a life saver.

70. 15/03/2024, Zi Bowen is really fun/bratty during CX and his mom's song, he's also been really into that hat and his panicked face during 'Dive Back in Time' tutting is gold. Other than that, Ji Xiaokun and Guo Hongxu are fun as usual.

71. Zhang Jiahao short vid, I love how nonchalant he is. Who gives a damn abt rehearsals when you can play basketball. We got snippets of other songs. And where did he get the random card reader??

(ooh, i'm putting the side actor into focus for once. also, i just realized ZJH is the actor who started swinging when WMH mistook director Li Haolin's name lol i love him.)

72. 16/03/2024 day, blind dog Cai Qi is so funny plss and the way Wang Minhui just let him live with the consequences.

73. 17/03/2024 night, Du Guangyi focused but you can hear Teng Chunpeng cutely messed up 'Dive Back in Time' in the background.

74. 23/02/2024, I don't think I've shared this clip of Du Guangyi playing pattycake(?? IDK the english name. I call it mimimi) with Wu Hanglu.

75. 18/03/2024, Bai Zhuoming mic mishap here, aggressive feet flailing with Wang Minhui and Deng Xianling, and also extended rock paper scissors!

76. 17/03/2024 day, I'll be honest I miss Ding Xingchen. That said, him and Xian Dongyue are having the best sibling wrestle.

77. 17/03/2024 day, same performance as above, and there's Wu Yihan doing overhead RPS.

78. 16/03/2024 night, Guo Hongxu fumbles the sofa/leg choreo again (left leg first man!), Shu Rongbo blubbering bcs GHX twist his arm post-RPS, and Wu Hanglu being the teasing big sister ever.

79. 21/03/2024, he once did overhead, now Wu Yihan is doing hip-height RPS, and he cheated. Shu Rongbo being confused. And they once again give the cutest hug, even for a side hug.

(heh, funny how JXK likes to hogs/blocks the sofa to annoy LG meanwhile SRB is always clearing the sofa for LG.)

80. 23/03/2024 day, very fun performance with Wang Yifei, Zhu Hanbin, and Deng Xianling. I highly recommend watching this. It's so fun I wrote a whole post about it. Also, harmonizing.

81. 22/03/2024, very short but look!! A Jing Yanqiao clip!!! I'm happy, I recently brainrotted on him. I wish he could perform more since I really like his voice but unfortunately I'm pretty sure he's still in school and have a limited schedule. But I will make you all love him before his BDay!

Today's bonus clip is a voice reel of Du Guangyi as Enforcer from the game Arknights! It's very soothing, I can fall asleep to his voice. He's so cool, he's an actor in everything. Musical actor, stage-play actor, TV and films actor, voice actor, he was a child actor too.

But since that's not a musical and it's kinda cheating, here's an actual bonus clip of Zhu Hanbin in Dr. Bloodthirsty (? 嗜血博士) musical. A small 3 person play which is giving me Jekyll and Hyde vibes. He's playing Jonathan, a young psychologist called to examine patient 13. It's really cool, please check it out!

(if anyone ever have a request on who the next bonus clip should be (even the side actors) just say so and I'll do my best. i'm always up for exploring new things)

[crowhoganswife]

Happy Father’s Day 🧡 to the best father / brother / uncle out there! CROW HOGAN🪶

In every series involving Crow, he is always in a high position to care for children. Usually, Crow is seen doing this all alone & out of his heart, which is truly warming 🧡

He understands how it feels to not have parents, growing up alone in the streets for a while. He wouldn’t dare let a child go through that, especially alone.

He’s the sweetest man ever… and I’m so happy to support someone like him, always!

It made me happy seeing Yuya give his all to Layra. Crow saw a teenager protecting a child and risked himself to save them both with his friends! Not even knowing who they are, he gave them a place to stay as well as feeding them the few food he purchased after not being able to feed Frank, Tarren, & Amanda some nights. His power to share just to fill other’s bellies is too precies.

Crow Hogan wouldn’t be who he is if it wasn’t for the children. All of the markings on his face that made him known for his appearance, all for the children. A risk taker, a life saver, a father🧡

I love you so much Crow, aka AWX74098 😊Thank you so much 🪶 Happy father’s day!

[ericaportfolio]

Disney's The Gremlins Over the Years

Chapter 1: Gremlins (Part 1)

Due to the recent events with Epic Mickey Rebrushed, I thought of making a series of posts dedicated to Disney's infamous characters from the canceled WWII movie The Gremlins. The character designs of these guys have changed many times during the concept art process and over the years. Today, this is a collection of male Gremlin designs. The female Gremlins were called the Fifinellas, which I will get to them in the next post. For those discovering this, in summary, Disney was making WWII movies and shorts for the war effort. They were going to adapt Roald Dahl's first book about these guys, and several things like people getting tired of war movies and figuring out how to make the movie, which was canceled. I'm making these posts for fun and to help give artists ideas for their OCs and fanart. I would post some sample pictures and a minor breakdown in each post. I might miss some because there is so much, so this is just a handful of pictures and photos I collected over the years. We really need to make a Disney Gremlin's Wiki.

Fun Fact: Bill Justice, a Disney animator and engineer, created many concept art and book illustrations. These posts are dedicated to him. Anyway, let's get started!

Early Concept Art: Bill Justice's early versions of the Gremlins that were later used for the Cosmopolitan version of the story. Shout out for ZOLTAR'S FORTUNE on eBay posting the Photocopies.

Cosmopolitan Magazine (1942): The earliest release of "The Gremlin" story was in the December 1942 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. Someone posted the full article on the site, but I might do another post for each illustration. So stay tuned for that!

Concept Art of the guys we recognize: These would eventually be the final book and promotion designs.

The (Controversial) Life-Saver Ad (1943): AKA the ad Roald Dahl hated, but Walt Disney thought differently.

Dell War Heroes (April 1943): This is a sample from a six page adaptation of the story that was featured in a Dell War Heroes comic book. The writer and artist are unknown.

Disney's The Gremlins Book (June 1943): Here is one of Bill Justice's colored paintings from the book. I highly recommend looking through all the paintings from the book because Bill Justice does justice to these guys!

Walt Disney Comics and Stories #33 (June 1943): In this two page adaptation, a new group of pilots believed the Gremlins were fairytales. Jokes on them since what they said enraged the Gremlins that they mess with the guys.

King Features Syndicate: In this one page story, this comic is a quick introduction to the characters, the Gremlin, and why they're attacking the Royal Air Force setting up the story. (Comic found in chroniquedisney)

Donald Vs. The Gremlins (July 1943): The Crossover we would get years later by Walt Kelly.

Walt Kelly's Comics (July 1943-1944): For a year, Walt Kelly would make 8 comics about Gremlin Gus or both Gremlin Gus and two widgets getting in trouble at the airfield.

Storyboard Short (1943): This is a sample of a 1943 storyboard when the production went from feature film to short film.

Disneyfied Gremlin: This is a Model Drawing showing how far into production they were getting before getting scrapped. Later on, concept art was made of the Gremlins to have more of a Disney style. I even noticed the design in the storyboard, too. I'm glad we didn't get this style of characters. But I do love the poses.

Part 2 Coming Soon...

[infinitenicknames]

Partially Deaf/Hard of Hearing Prefect

A/N: Purely self indulgent and based off of my own hearing loss called a cookie bite and my experiences with it. I can’t speak for everyone but this is how this stuff usually goes for me

Grim

finds out within the first day, whether you want him to or not

you thought you were alone in Ramshackle. How were you to know he’d come up from behind you and try to talk to you?

he’s PISSED when you don’t respond to his remarks and almost sets you on fire

when he finally does catch your attention he starts badgering you about why you were ignoring the Great Grim

you eventually calm him down enough to explain that you took your hearing aids off for the night so you couldn’t hear him at all

Grim is confused and you have to go into the whole speech about how you’re missing part of your hearing and need devices to help you with it or how you can read lips to understand people

Grim actually feels pretty bad about it. He’s probably never dealt with any sort of disability before so he’d probably not know how to handle it or how to help you

“No, yelling at me won’t fix the problem Grim. Use your inside voice. You’re going to wake the dead again”

He’d eventually figure out that you can still hear high stuff, he’d definitely shriek to get your attention when you don’t have your hearing aids on no matter how much it annoys you (if people didn’t think Ramshackle was haunted before, the high pitched wails coming from there occasionally throughout the night definitely has them convinced now)

Once you figure out a system however, he’d definitely become your lifeline at school. Lectures are NOT a deaf person’s friend. Whether that means repeating what somebody said to make sure you got it or mouthing along with the things people say so you can read his lips, Grim will do what he can to help his little hench human. Just make sure to feed him some tuna afterwards

Ramshackle Ghosts

Ghosts are often portrayed as messing with technology like with staticky TVs, so I’d imagine these three would be a feedback NIGHTMARE

Even if you’d normally wear your hearing aids around the house, that’d go right of the window with these three. You’d know they’re in the same room by the telltale squeal your hearing aids make

They don’t mean harm, it’s just their spectral nature

Rip to you trying to interact with any of the ghost staff actually. Lunch time is probably also a nightmare with the kitchen staff

Once they know of your hearing loss, the ghosts start helping you out with things you might not be able to hear, like someone knocking on the door for example

You eventually offer to teach them what sign language you know that way you can communicate more without you needing to rely on reading their lips so much (do ghosts even have lips???)

Grim eventually gets dragged into your lessons too and soon it becomes a Ramshackle requirement to attend these classes of yours, even if you’re just staying for a night

Sam

LITERAL LIFE SAVER

If I know ANYTHING about healthcare/disability assistance is that it’s as inconvenient and as cumbersome as possible AKA hearing aid batteries in Twisted Wonderland would definitely be under a totally different labeling system than our world I can just feel it in my bones

Sam would help you figure out what batteries you needed for your make and model of hearing aid, spending well over an hour trying out every battery type just to figure out which one fit. After that he’d start keeping them in stock just for you

He’d even help replace the maintenance stuff you need like brushes, stabilizers, wax caps, and all of those fun little goodies that you left in your own world

Like I said, literal life saver here

I feel like he’d be pretty attentive to you too, like making sure to speak slow and clearly for you any time to drop by to shop a bit

10/10 would shop here forever if I could

Deuce Spade

Probably the first of the student’s I’d open up to tbh. he seems pretty safe for this kind of stuff. You’d have to broach the topic yourself though. I’m not sure if he would notice your hearing loss at all.

It’d probably just come up naturally while you’re walking in between classes. You're both talking about things you struggle with and you slip in that you're losing your hearing so listening in class can be tough some times

He’d probably have a mini heart attack at first if he doesn’t immediately blue screen

You can’t hear him? Like at all??? Wait, no, you can hear, just not voices. Wait, you can hear some voices, just not all voices????? That’s confusing

At the same time though he knows why you were "ignoring" him the other day so that's good

He'd let you copy his notes if you missed anything in class or explains anything you couldn’t hear! Just remember they're Deuce's notes and try not to put any more academic pressure on him than he’s already doing

Tries to be more conscious about making sure you can understand him when your chatting. Might try to get loud sometimes but he'll quickly corrects himself once you tell him that doesn't really help you all that much

Tries to learn sign language for you, but studying... is not his strong suit. He'll definitely pick up a few words though so don't give up on him! Just remember to sign s l o w l y at first

If you teach him to knock/stomp to get your attention he'd probably be pretty rough about it. I'd fear for Ramshackle's floor boards cause this man can be strong when he wants to be

All in all a good egg who's doing his best

Ace Trappola

2/10, would not recommend

I like Ace but he’s a mischief creator, a problem haver, and a trouble maker

He’d probably find out that you’re deaf by making fun of the way you say something 

he'd think you're just goofing, but his words really hit a nerve

you’re not trying to be wrong. You’re trying really hard to figure it out! Could he at least give you a helping hand here instead of laughing at you?

his laughter eventually pushes you over the edge and you snap at him, saying you didn’t ask to be deaf so you’re “sorry” if your voice is a little strange! You’re trying your best here with what little hearing you have left!

Ace is definitely taken aback by your sudden out burst and even more so about this disability he knew nothing about

He checks in with Grim and Deuce before realizing how much of a jerk he was being. He’d still probably drag his feet a bit before apologizing (i mean, this is Ace we’re talking about here), but once he does apologize he’d totally change his tune

He’d still poke fun at you on occasion, but he’d know not to push you so far anymore

If anyone did make fun of you or the way you spoke, Ace would definitely rally the boys to hunt down who ever made fun of you. Only one person is allowed to tease you and that’s him

[kitwasheree]

snow days 🦇🥀

(aka old man romance. spreading the irilia propaganda to tumblr)

i love me some self-indulgent oc/canon content.

reference : credit to @monchu_CM on twitter, people who make these kind of base references are life savers.

[reality-detective]

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Ivermectin and HydroxyChloroquine are critical medicines to have.

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Purchase Ivermectin (aka Sasquatch Stickers) and HydroxyChloroquine (aka Life Savers) from Next Level 444.

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Save Yourself...

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Save Humanity... 🙏

[digitalgate02]

Y’know, one of the things this fandom seemed to be divided into two parts is about Frontier and Takuya’s “Dark Evolution” in the story. Some pointed it was “Vritramon rampaging phase” in the story, and some would consider “Takuya reverting into Flamon” as the dark evolution of this series.

First, what are the characteristics of Dark Evolution, according to the older three series + Savers? Mixing strong negative emotions and forcing your digimon to evolve. All cases of Dark Evolution before and after Frontier were like this. (I know, the OG Taichi was mostly by being a reckless idiot, but i like to think the novel version explained something a little more about this event)

Character has strong negative feelings and then forces their or someone else’s digimon to dark evolve into a mindless beast. – That’s how things worked in Adv’99, 02, Tamers and Savers.

(you may notice that instead of Daisuke dark evolving his partner, it’s Ken who forces a dark evolution on Taichi’s partner. Which implies yeah anyone could do that. Funny enough, Ken also fits the criteria established in those series: He is a self-absorbed and arrogant kid, so those emotions are mixed in the mix and this is why he evolves Agumon into SkullGreymon first. He only manages to get MetalGreymon virus after he cheats with his Evil/Dark Spiral. Meanwhile Daisuke lacks malice, lacks negative feelings. So he’s just a dumbass in ep 22 getting into trouble in the process.)

However, Ghost Game brought a new view of this concept by introducing GulusGammamon. As you can see, Gulus is a dark evolution (somehow) and it differs from every mindless-beast-on-rampage case we watched until now. But before going into GG take on it, I’d like to talk about the peculiar case in Adventure’s reboot series (aka Psi, or Adv:2020) first:

So, one of the things we saw in the episode from the reboot is that Taichi was getting consumed by the dark miasma around the place. We never had something like this before as well – this series was trying to “corrupt” Taichi too. The last time we saw a “tamer” corruption was on a Drama CD which was more a very weird and for fun story (this was done before the Drama CDs for digimon started to get serious stories) than something to take seriously. Anyway, the reboot was trying to corrupt Taichi first. Second is… Taichi dies for a moment which triggers Agumon’s dark evolution based on Agumon’s strong feelings (and the dark miasma, probably). This is going to be reused in Ghost Game, actually.

Now, back to Ghost Game!! Fun facts for you: Gulus is the only Gamma-form to not have a ring on his wrist/paw. Also, Gulus does not need Hiro to evolve either! But it was triggered by Gammamon’s strong feelings at first – when Bokomon died in front of him. Other cases were probably for survival in a life-or-death scenario for him or any of the trio. Gulus’ has another speech pattern from the other Gammamon forms, and the most important detail is he’s totally sentient. Gulus is more like another personality to Gammamon than being a feral beast in rampage.

But what can Ghost Game help us to decide which “dark evolution” scenario counts for Takuya/Frontier?

First of all, if we ignore Takuya for a moment, Frontier already has a “dark evolution” character – Kimura Kouichi. Duskmon and Velgmon are evil forms, and they’re purified into Loweemon and KaiserLeomon later. And heck, Kouichi himself is the “Warrior of Darkness” c’mon guys!!

BUT, Kouichi’s role is most suitable for the “redeemed villain” category. So yeah, which of Takuya’s cases suit the dark evolution criteria?

I’d like to reveal that, maybe, Frontier was ahead of its time. Because now that we got Ghost Game to break the norm and show us a new approach from this concept, it can help us here to notice Flamon was sort of a dark evolution for Takuya.

Frontier already makes clear that the Beast spirit forms cannot be controlled that easily, and I’ll shamelessly plug Shiha’s meta about everyone’s cases here in case we start the discussion about Izumi again.

So if we consider Vritramon the “dark evolution case”, you could say most of the kids in Frontier had it too. Which is odd, right?

But, if you consider Flamon an unusual dark evolution case, one like Gulus is now, it makes some sense. Dark evolution in the Digimon franchise is sort of “punishment” for not raising your digimon correctly – It’s a challenge, and you have to beat this obstacle to gain the new power/form to proceed. Dark evolution does not always mean “evil form” as well, just, as Gennai puts it in the end of Adventure, “a form not suitable for certain occasions” – So this concludes my thesis that Frontier started the unusual dark evolution forms instead.

Thank y’all for reading~