#all of my relationships & and some friendships have ended bc of my ambition (but at least no one died)

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

And there's a lake And at the bottom you'll find all our friends They don't swim cause they're all dead We never are what we intend, or invent

and other song that also fits for y'all retro lovers: In the town of broken dreams The streets are filled with regret Maybe down in Lonesome Town I can learn to forget

[anathemaloren]

In the end...

Carl GallagherxGirlfriend!reader

Requested?: yes

Request: Heyy! Could you please do a Carl Gallagher X Girlfriend!reader like maybe angsty and fluffy. Like in the last season or something (where carl is a cop) and they have been together since he came out of juvie and now they find out she‘s pregnant? Thank you so much! - requested by anon

Summary: A visit through the relationship of Carl and y/n, since they met at 14 until the biggest and best surprise of their lives.

Warnings: cursing (not much honestly); ANGST; death (mentioned); like, one fight; pregnancy; slight mentions of Carl's shitty life honestly.

Words: 1889

A/N: Thank you so much, lovely person. I'll try my best to meet your expectations. I'm not English, so there might be some mistakes. And. I also haven't seen the whole series YET, but I searched the whole Internet so I hope this is accurate, even tho I changed a bit the request to be a few years after the last season bc our boy Carl was 19 at the last season and, well... keep reading. Not proofread, tho. Enjoy! - Thema.

She doesn’t really know how or why she fell for him. It made absolutely no sense. Really. No sense at all. I could sound a bit rude, but in the end it was kinda true.

---

They had met when they were 14. He was fresh out of juvie, with his “White Boy Carl” shit that she found absolutely stupid. He wasn’t a big fan of her. Carl used to say that “she’s just a chick who thinks she’s better than anyone just because she’s fucking perfect”. They were 14 and despised each other.

---

But at 15, poor Carl and poor y/n got paired for a project. At that project, they discovered that they worked pretty well together. They became very good friends and basically each other’s confident. Their friendship was a safe space. One night they told each other everything they thought the other needed to know.

Carl told her about his huge family and all of the shit he had with his father. He told her about juvie and explained to her the “White Boy Carl” phase and why and how it ended. He told her his problems with Dominique and all the shit he had gone through those past years.

Y/n told him about all her problems, all her dreams, her ambitions, her family, her friends. Carl listened to her, mesmerized. He fell in love harder that night than ever.

After going out together a few times and Carl asking for advice to almost his entire family (he asked Lip, Fiona, Debbie and even Ian) he kissed her. It was nothing too big for any of them individually, but it felt like the best kiss of their lives anyways.

They started dating that week and never let go of each other. They were attached by the hip. He was sweet and caring with her and all of his siblings catched him daydreaming about her more than once.

After a few months dating, Carl thought it was moment for his family to meet y/n. He had met y/n parents a few weeks before and they adored him. His family was a mess, so that was kinda the final test for y/n. But all of his siblings were absolutely enchanted by her, just like him, and loved her instantly. She especially got along with Ian and Liam, and shared Fiona’s efforts for Carl’s wellbeing. 

When Monica died, y/n was the one who had to tell Carl. She was of course invited to the funeral. She could swear she had never attended a funeral so… special. They laughed, danced and enjoyed their time together as a family in a weird way. After Carl went with Frank, he immediately went with y/n. They promised to be each other's anchors that day.

When Carl went to military school, Carl’s family supported y/n, and vice versa. She hung out with Lip and Ian sometimes; she went with Liam to the park, or the cinema, or wherever he wanted to go; helped with the groceries or the cleaning or whatever they needed; she helped with Frank kicking him out of the house when necessary; and she had diner with the Gallaghers, Kev, V and the twins, who she also babysat sometimes.

---

Fast forward to when they were 18. They both graduated and they also celebrated the fact that they had been together for 3 years, and, in Carl’s words, “that’s like 10 years for a Gallagher in a relationship”. So they decided to take the next step. He searched for a job while she started studying Periodism, which was her dream since she was little. They determined that they were going to live together. Since they had no money, they started living together at the Gallagher’s house. She also started working and tried to get as much money as she could to the household, but the biggest help she offered was helping with all the kids. She spent whole nights helping Liam with school, she played with Kev and V’s twins and she also took care of Franny and Freddie when needed. She actually didn't care at all, as she loved being with kids and was actually pretty good at it.

The change was probably the hardest challenge of their relationship. They fought, and they screamed. They said very ugly things about each other. 

“I don’t need you here if you’re just going to be an ungrateful bitch” he said to her during one of their arguments.

“I won’t stay either if you think I’m just an ungrateful bitch. You know very well that I do everything, EVERYTHING I can do to help your fucking family and you’re here all mighty telling me what? That I don’t do shit? After helping Liam with a project until 2 am last night? After having changed more diapers than the rest of this family? After giving every fucking penny I gain to YOUR family? Are you seriously in any position to say anything to me?” She replied with silent tears running down her face.

“…I’m sorry” He said after a few long seconds of silence. He got close to her and hugged her stronger than ever. They cried together promising each other never arguing like that again.

---

After a lot of effort and a VERY big amount of fights, kisses and a lot of shared love, Carl and y/n were attending Ian and Mickey’s wedding. They both cried during the whole thing, and they truly thought that they had the best brother-in-law in the world. They smiled until their cheeks hurted and Carl knew at that moment that the woman that was hugging his brother and husband with more strength than she had ever shown was going to be by his side forever.

---

2020 was a very challenging year for everyone. But it was also one of the happiest for the pair. Carl started at the police academy and became a cop. Y/n said after the ceremony “who would’ve guessed that” and he realized that he was the luckiest man alive for being able to keep her by his side all of those years.

2020 was also the year that they decided to move out of the family house. They loved all the Gallaghers, but they definitely needed a place just for them. They found a shitty flat very cheap and made it their home.

While y/n kept studying, Carl planned proposing to her. He had been saving for a while, and he had enough money to buy her a decent ring. 

He proposed in August, not wanting to wait anymore. He got on one knee while they were at the roof of the building, where he had put lights and made everything perfect just for her. She was shocked and lasted a while in answering, a thing that scared Carl out of his mind. He knew that they were only 19 and she maybe wanted to be legally single for a few more years. But then she smiled as brightly as the sun and said yes. 

---

Their wedding was a very little event when they were 20. Only family. Unlike at Ian's wedding, Fiona did attend. Y/n looked beautiful and Carl felt like he was getting married to an angel. Everything was very cheap and intimate, but they wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

---

After little more than one year of being married, y/n discovered a very big thing. She was pregnant and very. She couldn’t understand how she had missed the signs. She was almost 2 months and a half pregnant, or so had the doctor said. 

She immediately went to see Ian and Mickey after her appointment, wanting to see someone of her husband’s family without her husband knowing anything about the pregnancy. She was scared out of her mind, not knowing if Carl would want the kid. She knew that he would want them, having said that he wanted to have a family with her.

But, what if he didn’t want them now? Or what if they couldn’t? They didn’t have that much money. Or maybe they weren’t prepared. Was she prepared to have kids with Carl?

Ian and Mickey advised her that she had to tell him. So y/n started preparing how she would tell him.

She wanted to proceed carefully, so she didn’t do anything big. Enough for him to be surprised but not as much for him to feel pressured.

When he arrived home that night, y/n was about to vomit, or scream, or cry, or something in between.

She got up from the couch and went to greet him with a kiss, like everyday. Carl also made the bad joke he did everyday. “Look what we have here. Is your husband around, hottie?”. She did her routine roll of eyes. She smiled and kissed him again.

“I have a surprise for you” she said, dragging him to the kitchen.

“You do?” he asked. 

Y/n felt Carl’s eyes through her whole body. “Not in that way, asshole”.

He laughed defeated. They arrived to the kitchen and y/n handed him a little box. He raised an eyebrow seeing her very nervous, biting her inside cheek.

“You ok?” he asked concerned.

“Open the fucking box, I’m struggling here” she said, now biting her nails.

He decided to open the box to see what had his wife so nervous. The only thing he saw was a pacifier. He didn’t understand at first, looking to y/n and back to the pacifier a few times.

Y/n took a positive pregnancy test off her pocket and placed it on the kitchen counter. Carl then looked at the test, then to her and back to the pacifier.

Anxious, y/n said “do you need me to spell it out for you or are you getting the fucking hints?”.

He smiled a bit looking at his wife again. “Is this true?”

“Of course it is true!” y/n answered, getting impatient.

“This is not a joke, right?” he said with glossy eyes.

“Why on Earth would I make a joke like this one?” she said, getting close to him.

She placed her hands on his cheeks to wipe the tears that were already escaping his eyes.

He finally snapped out of his long trance and wrapped his arms around her waist, raising her a bit from the floor, kissing her entire face and saying “I love you” again and again.

“Carl!” she exclaimed, a bit surprised by the sudden burst of energy.

“Sorry! Sorry! That’s probably not good for the baby, right? I never- Sorry. How far along are you? Can we-” he started rumbling before she stopped him.

“God, you’re going to be an amazing father, aren’t you?” she said, completely amazed by her husband.

“We’re going to be pretty cool parents, that’s true” he said, giggling like a little kid, hugging y/n tight once again, making her laugh heartily.

---

It didn’t matter that they were completely different, or that she didn’t even know how she fell for her.Because in the end, the only thing that mattered was that they loved each other more than they loved anyone in the entire world. Except maybe that little human that was going to change their life forever completely.

A/N: Well, I know this was not exactly what was requested, but I tried my best to stuck to it, with a lot of creative liberty. I hadn't wrote that much on a while, so I don't know how to feel about this. Hope you enjoyed it tho!

All the love, A.

[lizthewriter]

💖  for harry potter universe please? if you have the time? (also i adore your writing!)

my name is emma, i’m bi and i’m an extrovert (entp according to myers briggs). my hobbies are reading, playing soccer and writing poetry. i’m also a very bad artist and enjoy pottery for fun (and not for the end result which is always a mess lol). another hobby of mine, if it counts as a hobby, is debating with people about almost anything. i just love a good debate and love going back and forth on a topic for hours.

in my friendships i am down for anything and will do anything for my friends. even though i’m typically the one getting us into trouble because i truly will try anything once and tend to act without thinking it through fully. i’m also just a huge talker and can talk my way into and out of anything. but if a friend needs me i will drop everything to be there for them. i missed a final exam once to fly to see one of my friends when her boyfriend dumped her. and i would do it again lol. much to the chagrin of my parents.

other details…. my style is fairly feminine with lots of skirts and silk dresses and ballet flats. my dream city to live in is marseille and my dream profession is to be a writer and somehow make money with poetry and novels. i’m studying philosophy and french at school. i barely sleep because i wake up every morning at 6 and can’t fall asleep until late in the night. i love cooking new recipes and baking for friends.

my love language to others is giving them gifts. my love language to receive is quality time. i can be pretty guarded romantically and use humor as a coping mechanism and it can take a long time to actually know me. i’m slow to trust and i’ve never had a long relationship bc i always end up breaking up with them around the three month mark. i just get kind of scared of commitment and love. (even though i do want those things.)

also according to all the tests and quizzes i am either a slytherin or a ravenclaw. i can never decide which fits best. though i do have intense ambition and tend to be an all or nothing type of person. like while i do get great grades and have never failed a class, i am so bad at actually studying and i tend to procrastinate until the last minute and still get an a. so i’m not quite studious but i am smart. and a little conceited sometimes which definitely doesn’t ever help me.

i hope this is enough? or not too much? i tend to be too much so sorry if this is.

hey emma! gosh, i . . . . the way i read this and immediately thought to myself, wow this girl is so much like me 💀 especially with the apologizing for being too much at the end 😭😭 before i start, unprecedented rant: please don't ever apologize for being too much. one, you gave me the perfect amount of detail about you, absolutely what i was looking for! two, never let anyone make you feel bad for "being too much" or "talking too much," there is no such thing, only people who are boring and have no personality don't like talkers 🙄 you seem like a really nice person <33 DON'T LET THE HATERS GET YOU DOWN!!

anyways, moving on 🙃 honestly, i can see you with either theodore nott or pansy parkinson, but mostly theo. in any case, you're definitely in a enemies-to-lovers or friends-to-lovers scenario.

with theo, you guys start out as great friends who tend to have a lot of witty banter amongst each other. most likely you met through some sort of study group or through mutual friends and began to bond that way. theo would for sure be the first to fall for you - he loves a girl who can rebuttal his arguments and debate with him without just giving up when they don't win the argument. he appreciates your wit and ambition, as well as your soft side. he probably first fell in love with you when you dropped everything to be there for him on a bad day, and subsequently, he later admired his feelings for you in a similar situation.

theo's not good with his emotions in any way, shape, or form - so he never admits when he's feeling down. procrastinating your upcoming exam, you decide to go hang out with theo in his dorm. but you find the dorm empty at first, with no one in sight. you call our for theo's name, and search all around the dorm before turning towards the bathroom. the door was closed, but it was obviously occupied because of the shadow and light coming out of it. you knocked on the door. "theo, are you in there?" you hear a small "no" in response, followed by a sniffle. "i can't come in cause i don't know if you're... indecent or whatever. please, let me in?" there's a silence after that, one that concerns you a worrying amount, but soon you hear him and get off the floor and open the door. you expect him to let you in, but as soon as your in his sights, he throws his arms around your neck. he's an abysmal mess, his hair tusseled (more than usual), his eyes red and puffy. you can feel the shoulder of your shirt become stained with your tears. at first, it's the shock that causes you to sit in there before wrapping your arms around him and rubbing his shoulders comfortingly. "what's wrong?" at his silence, you tell him to take his time and lead him over to the bed, sitting him down and hugging his side. you sit there for a long time before he explains to you that today was the day his mother died. you never knew he didn't have a mother, let alone that she was dead. "god i'm so sorry, really theo . . . i didn't know." so the two of you sit there for a good long while, his face buried in the crook of your neck while you rub his shoulders, not caring for the burning pain growing in your fingers. theo needs you right now. and in the end, after who knows how long, he sits up and looks at you. his expression is so odd, you don't know what to think - it honestly makes you nervous trying to understand what he's thinking about. he abruptly blurts out, "will you go out with me." it was more a statement then anything and so unexpected you started to laugh. there he was, his face red and hair messy, staring at you completely serious, awaiting your response . . . "all right."

(i hoped you liked this, i'm sorry if it was terrible 😭😭)

[futurecorps3]

Hi. I’d like to get 🩸, please. I wrote this beast of a description some time ago and don’t really have time rn to be so kind & shorten it, so I don’t mind the potential wait/your refusal to do it. Either way, congratulations on your follower count, I look forward to interacting (in a more digestible form)

Looks: I’m in my teens. I look close to Mia Goth, though I have gray eyes. My hair is blond and thick, an overgrown wolfcut I always take care of myself. I’m 5’7, somewhat athletic. I switch between dressing like Bella Swan, dark coquettes (most often) and this masc casual style. I have a diy tattoo I did a few years back. I also have a few noticeable scars, don’t like them but the stories can be interesting. One big on my chest (sword fight), between eyebrows, left chin (knife), big few on the right arm (ironically, a crow). I wear dark fem makeup or coquette. My dominant hand is a little messed up bc it was broken in a fight as a kid and I never did anything with it so it didn’t heal well

Personality: Im an entj, he/she (male/female bigender), bi. I’m social, hardworking, brave, optimistic, ambitious, motivated. People tend to get frustrated with how closed off I can be. I’m careful with my words and I don’t talk about my life if I don’t need to. Actually, I’m not very honest at all, though if I care about someone it can change. I see it as valuing my privacy and looking after myself. Romance is a nice concept, love the books, but I tend to dodge all attempts people make at forming relationships. And the amount of people who see friendship w me as a degrading means to an end made me a tad cynical about it. Doesn’t mean I don’t like the occasional flirt though. In the right company I like to make friends laugh, unwind, be the life of the party. Doctors said I don’t have empathy and show many sights of npd. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it’s a part of me. I still can be decent to friends (where empathy fails I still have common sense). Honestly,I’m softer than I’d like to admit. I get on with kids nicely and I’d like a few on my own when I grow up. I’m protective of my family, my older brothers mean the world to me. Another thing that’s important is my faith. I’m polytheistic and very religious (but I respect other beliefs). I like to befriend local animals too, in my free time. People call me stubborn, I’m the kind of person to push until I succeed, even if it hurts. Privately at least. In any kind of structure I know my place and I help the team/my boss/other superiors dutifully. I try not to be very emotional, but sometimes i fail. Usually I turn to anger, though I wouldn’t turn on my loved ones. I try to be fair in my actions. Many say I’m comforting, though I see myself more as a problem solver. And yeah, perhaps I am filled with (rightful) guilt about the loss of my close family member. But that’s mine to know and for others to never find out. I have shared more here than I did (or will) with anyone irl. In private I believe I can be a little funny and silly, nonchalant even. Also soft, as my friend calls it, ‘homely’. In the end, I did manage to fit myself into quite a list of friend groups so I’d like to believe I’m not too bad to hang around

My type: I’d like someone I could relate to. Someone who would understand my ambition and drive, my issues, inspire me to try harder, but also someone who would understand my anger (even if by enabling my worse parts). Maybe even harder than me. As bad as it sounds I don’t care for morals all that much, not in a “I like bad girls/boys” kind of way. It’s just that if they don’t hold harmful beliefs (racism, sexism etc) I don’t look much further into it. Someone who wouldn’t jump on the whole romance thing right away and smother me. They have to have their own thing they do, other than love. My love language’s acts of service. And when they notice details, learn about me. It’s a running joke among my friends that I’ll end up in a rivals to lovers kind of deal bc of how stubborn and averse to romance I am. I need someone who would understand that my family comes first (before me too) and I do anything for them. And I will call my s/o out if needed too

Likes: physical activity (I used to do a ton of sports from cheer and dancing to basketball); money - having it, making it; romance novels; dogs; birds; writing stories, poems, making music, painting, though I’m not so open about it; parties; family; social interactions; my job (legal or not, anything that involves bulshitting ppl and supporting myself is nice, sry); taking care of others; cooking and baking; acting/performing; giving gifts; fashion; snow and the cold (my hand be damned, I view winter as a gift from gods); shows like Bridgerton (I’m so fine after watching Kate/Anthony storyline I swear), books like soc, pjo, the cruel Prince, dps;

Dislikes: losing/failing; deep bodies of water; whole concept of death, even if I know what comes next I can’t stand it; feeling useless; people with no drive; quitters;

Facts: Im Slavic; had basic medical training; my family would call me something akin to ‘little merchant’ in our language, bc of my talent for bargaining and talking ppl into things; normally I don’t flex half as bad; dark eyes r soo attractive to me, but if I like your goals and motives, I’m into you either way; like Hannah Montana I have the best of both worlds - I was born in the capital & I’m well versed in the life there but I spent my formative years helping on a farm (which I miss), I still more so identity as a country guy; I think revenge driven ppl are attractive but that's less of a preference, simply a thought

-💎

My guy you had me thinking for this one! It screams Kaz Brekker BUT that could also be problematic since reading your description gives a very similar vibe to his and he might not like it. ALSO YOURE THE OPPOSITE OF WYLAN AND INEJ SO THAT COULD WORK OR ABSOLUTELY NOT.

In the end, I decided… (cue drumroll)

WYLAN HENDRICKS! (Van Eck? Who?)

Your type description gave me the gentle love Wy gives <3 he’s patient, understanding and is his own person before being a lover. I can see you both reading together all the time as well as you cooking for him! I think we all perceived him (in the beginning of the books) as a soft and fragile boy but he’s a badass, he’s mature, and he’s always there to support you if you need it. He’s a sweetheart, you know him, you love him<3

[apocketfullofhobbits]

Your tag about the anger you feel at some readers seeing Adam and Ronan as codependent struck me.

I think of both connected series as metaphors for growing up and reckoning with who you are and what you want— The Dreamer Trilogy carries this over but in a more adult context. It's why I can't get into the Murderous Men in Black aspects of the story because they feel disconnected from what the narrative is trying to say. (I freaking love Hennessey and the underground market though... On that, where is Henry's mother?)

Right, Adam and Ronan. Ronan is an intense and passionate 'all or nothing' person. His love is wild and honest, open and unending. Ronan is not an easy choice for Adam to make. Adam who has survived by being careful and calculating, whose love is deep but compartmentalised and set aside for choices that are practical steps towards an idealised (but superficial) vision of success.

My interpretation of Adam is that on some level he knows he makes false idols (goals that are ultimately unfulfilling in the long term) shaped by pride and survival.

By choosing Ronan Adam is choosing to prioritise love and friendship over pride and ambition. It is Adam choosing to remain present and known rather than remote and lonesome. It is Adam choosing his emotional wellbeing over dreams dreamt by a furious and poverty stricken abused teenager. Choosing Ronan is Adam choosing to be happy over and over. It is a difficult choice.

However, it is one Adam keeps making and that is not co-dependency. It is a decision many teens and 20-somethings make. It is being in love and choosing to remain in love because nothing can be gained by destroying it but unnecessary misery. It is seeing a future with and without and burning down the path that doesn't includes who you don't want to be without. It is Adam and Ronan exploring who they are and what they want and choosing to be happy together.

yes! i agree wholeheartedly with everything u said!

something that needs to be said firstly tho is that my annoyance with this whole thing  in no way proportional to the actual size of the problem, for all i know it was just that one post i briefly saw when i foolishly ventured into the tags even tho i knew i shouldn’t. (also don't get me wrong i have nothing against codependent relationships or/and characters in media, i enjoys messy relationships immensely. i am the sickos guy glued to their window!)  but the topic is nonetheless very thought provoking, so im sorry, but gonna take this opportunity to rumble for a bit!

what is interesting to me is that whether or not adam actually uses the word in his head, i think he is always hyper vigilant against falling into codependancy himself bc growing up he always had this horrible example of his parents staying in a very unhappy marriage for years and years. so much of adam's choices are dictated by wanting to be as different from his parents as he can, and this is one of those things. he is determined not to repeat their mistakes. what’s tricky is not to overcompensate. this is where adam’s struggle lies. there needs to be a balance. we saw how unbalanced he was in the beginning, but over the course of trc he learnt that it’s not actually that scary to rely on other people sometimes. the world is not gonna end if he let’s his friends help him. it’s okay to care and let people in. but that doesn’t mean he isn’t still pondering the exact balance of it all the time; hypervigilance is baked into him.

“My interpretation of Adam is that on some level he knows he makes false idols (goals that are ultimately unfulfilling in the long term) shaped by pride and survival.” - yes and i think when his doubts came closer to the surface, when he found himself playing with the idea that maybe he could give up on the ivy league and go to the college closer to ronan and be happier, his hypervigilance was like ‘wait a second! are we getting too comfortable? to spoiled with love? are we losing our edge? this a slippery slop to becoming just like mom. better nip it in the bud! we are breaking up with ronan!”. and even if back then he just wasn’t yet ready to let go of the painful ambitions that kept him alive for so long, at least in the light of day he was able to resist the irrational unfounded fears and the overwhelming urge to fall back into self-isolation (masked as independence) that plagued him in the dead of the night.

and then cdtw happened and everything went to shit and i loved it! i love characters making mistakes and relationships getting unbalanced, swinging to much to one side, to the other, and then finding balance. i like how very yin-yang ronan and adam. ronan is chaos, passion, anarchy, abundance of emotions, rampant adhd; adam is order, precision, logic, politeness, willpower. but they balance each other out! that's why they work! adam needs a bit of chaos. to let go of control once in a while. ronan needs a solid ground to come back to. and when they strayed from each other, adam wilted without inherently chaotic magical energy like a plant without water, he closed himself of from everyone by lying to everyone and himself, desperately holding on to the notion that magic has no place in his definition of success. that there is magic and there is 'the real world'. u can't have both, so u must sacrifice one or the other. and all that only made him miserable and made him risk his life by scrying alone, just to fucking feel something. ronan went so far into chaotic side with bryde and hennessy that he lost his footing in the world entirely. he lost any hope in a world where the mundane and magical, order and chaos, can ever co-exist. so one must be sacrificed for the other.

and then. these two assholes literally speed run months of individual and couple's therapy with magic, and found the innermost hurt that caused all this mess, which is 'i don't know who the fuck i am. i am so afraid there is not a place for me in this world. in your world. i am afraid to let go of what kept me safe. i don't know who i am without it. i don't want to be alone. i am afraid. i need u'.

bit mad at them for using cheat codes to come to the point of absolute true vulnerability with each other instead of going through mortifying ordeal of Actually Communicating, but oh well, whatcha gonna do.

“ I think of both connected series as metaphors for growing up and reckoning with who you are and what you want— The Dreamer Trilogy carries this over but in a more adult context. It's why I can't get into the Murderous Men in Black aspects of the story because they feel disconnected from what the narrative is trying to say”. - yes! i agree! moderators and visionaries as a concept are so clunky - first of all this kind of hard magic just doesn't work with maggie's tendency to be as vague and mysterious as possible. they stood out like a sore thumb, they cheapened the series for me, and ultimately they (and the pointless and racist af nathan plot line too!) could have been removed from the series entirely with zero harm. the night market und the whole underground magic world make much more juicy setting than underdeveloped off brand spy movie extras running around aimlessly. so yeah, i have many many things i didn’t like in tdt, but adam and ronan’s relationship development is not one of them! its abt the only thing that made complete sense to me, no notes. it was maggie at her best. wish the rest of the series was as good as that.

[quidfree]

have you every watched voltron or she-ra? if not, highly rec!! she-ra's amazing ( in my humble opinion ) voltron is uhh the start was great bUT GIANT ROBOT CATS THAT TURN INTO A GIANT ROBOT HUMAN

hi anon- i’ve watched both, actually, though not all the way through- thoughts below the cut just because i can feel this will be long despite my best efforts. def agree on voltron but cannot say i think shera is great haha

let’s start w voltron bc it’s the og. i watched it when it was first coming out and yeah- received w great enthusiasm. keith, unsurprisingly, was my guy. allura was probably my second favourite character. love the space lion robots of it all. really enjoyed the alien fantasy drama. was extremely on-board with unlikely teammates saving the galaxy and secret galra heritage and shiro’s war ptsd and all that. i think the early seasons had a good balance of drama and comedy, too.

definitely went downhill fast, and i didn’t watch past the season where lotor first starts playing a big role in the show, in part because i could Feel the bad prince zuko arc they were going to do and absolutely did not have the time for it (cannot believe they had him and allura be a thing…. and then she dies at the end of the show). basically just got frustrated by the way the characters were handled after a certain point, the tone was a mixed bag and the plot got messy. i was lucky bc keith was one of the people who got the most consistent/thorough focus and development, but the sidelining of certain charas and the weird dvp of others was just annoying. plus the ‘funny’ episodes… no. love shiro getting gay married tho good for him #lovewins.

shera…. hm. to give it some credit: i do enjoy the silly retro cartoon energy of it (the Names!!), i think the core 3’s friendship is good throughout, and naturally i think adora and catra’s relationship is compelling, fucked up and endearing. also there were def points where (like w voltron) the smaller-scale conflicts were pretty engaging to me, esp in the way they managed to overlap them w personal struggles- adora vs the horde, glimmer’s family drama… and mermista is an icon throughout love her energy.

now for my overview of the show… season one was promising for me but the like Positivity of it all just doesn’t speak to me- it’s Very power of friendship sparkles somehow. yeah theres darkness but i feel like it always gets mishandled. the villains in shera are sooo inconsistently framed as big menacing evil or harmless funny guys & i hate it- for eg why set up shadowweaver as this military evil child abuser for the early seasons and then make her a snarky teammate by the end?? it has ambitions of doing moral greyness but it’s mostly just badly executed for me… and that extends to catra fyi, for as much as i love her. shes easily my fav character but shes not very well-written. let’s not even start on hordak and his whole mess of a plot.

on that note both shows have a weird relationship w their genocide plots also. if you want to have genocide in your fun lil show you still need to take it seriously and there are ways to do it- think of avatar or of full metal alchemist, idk. making the big bad someone who wipes out planets and civilisations to raise stakes without ever considering the ramifications / while giving them easy redemption arcs is so lazy.

both theme songs absolutely slap though.

[geometricalien]

1, 6, 13, 16, & 19 for Haikyuu

1) what originally drew me to it - so this was within my first year of finding anime, I watched some friend recommendations and the popular introductory animes of 2015 among these was Free! I watched it and ended up wanting to see more anime like it. You know, sports anime. So I watched Kuroko no Basket, Yowamushi Pedal, Slam Dunk etc. And one that kept popping up when I looked for knb fanart was Haikyuu. I was hesitant to start it bc at the time I had a really bitter relationship with volleyball like it was a messy break up and it literally hurt me to watch volleyball and not participate, but I was running out of sports anime and told myself "I'll watch one episode and only one and then I can say it's bad and not have any lingering desire to watch it" suffice to say I actually cried watching the first episode because I could relate to Hinata wanting to play volleyball and it slipping from his fingers. The rest is, as they say, history

6) a character I'd hang up on my wall and admire like a work of art - so fuckin many, but I'm thinking of 5 right now (and since it's the only character question imma name them all, my post, my rules)

- Oikawa, yes he is pretty but what I truly admire about him is his character. He gave me strength and determination during my first year of college while studying physics. He's just a fantastic character showcasing the resilience and determination and ambition of humanity

- Iwazumi Hajime (27) Athletic Trainer, that's all, thank you

- Bokuto, hot owl man with funny himbo energy, also just his own complexities as a character?? Just? Mwah

- Akaashi, THE MOST ETHERAL PERSON IN HAIKYUU, I WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE, HAVE YOU SEEN THAT FANART OF HIM SURROUNDED IN PURPLE FLOWERS?

- Yahaba, he's my little meow meow. He's my angsty pretty boy second gen captain who gave his teammate a gay crisis during a match, who the future first years are terrified of, he is my internalized homophobic fella, he is my cream puff, he is my bastard, he is my child of the sun (from a fanfic), he is iconic

13) the noncannon pairing I find the most intriguing - you are basically asking me to choose a favorite child agshsjs it's bad enough that you have the high school version of ships and the post high school version of ships but okay ummm I think overall it's kagehina, bokuaka, asanoya, and kyouhaba- in that order. But under the post high school lense I want to see it all. Tsukiyama friendship reunion that turns into something more, Ushiten long distance boyfriend goals, Oihina fling, Makki/Mattsun 'can I stay at your place while I get my feet under me', Iwaoi jealousy and pining, Kenhina, Kuroken, Bokuroo, Yaku/Lev, Aran/Kita, and so much more that I just want to put under a microscope and fuckin study

16) scene/moment that makes me emotional every single time - just, any meaningful Kagehina scene: on the stairs in episode 1 when Hinata makes his vow, when Hinata says your sets are great to me and Kageyama looks shaken to his core that anyone would ever say that, their fight in season 2, the moment when what they've been training seperately clicks together, when Hinata crowns Kageyama in season 4, and just- incase you aren't aware of spoilers and for those unaware of spoilers who see this in various ship tags- the direct tie to the first episode, Kageyama's story, their reunion match and how they look at each other like true life long rivals, and the end how they are also true life long partners- God just, them

19) AU's you want to see - Timeskip aus thank you that's all agshsjd but with that I also have a great love for aus that keep the teams as a formalized groups. So, royalty aus where each team is a kingdom, or mafia aus where they are their own gang. It fills a specific niche in my brain

[heniareth]

I was really curious about what your opinions on the DAO companions are :) I know we have talked about some, but I'd love to hear more and about the others as well :D I hope it's ok to pose this as an ask :)

Sure! That sounds like a ton of fun. This might be a long one tho. Mind you, this is not the finished version of the answer. I'd like to link stuff and add a cut, but rn that's not possible. I'll update it when I can.

Edit: I have updated it ^^

Let's go alphabetically bc why not.

Alistair:

Sweet guy. So sweet. There was a moment when I was hard pressed chosing between him and Zevran (alas, Zevran won). Also, he's weirdly tall according to the wiki? How did I not notice that before?

Let's get a bit more serious now, Alistair is a great guy. The only reason he's not the hero of the story is because he doesn't want to. He has all the qualities of a leader: he's good at dealing with conflict (as evident with the conversation with the mage at the beginning. He gets where he wants to get without antagonizing the mage, but without allowing him to trample all over him). He's a solid tactitian and knows how to make allies (he suggests to use the Grey Warden treaties, after all). I bet if he was in the leadership position, he'd even not bicker with Morrigan. His moral code is pretty tight; some might say too tight, but I think it's less about the moral code and more about learning to judge people by their actions, not by the labels they fit into (Morrigan is a proud apostate and therefore bad. Wynne is a humble circle mage and therefore good). He also has a bit of a black-and-white way of seeing the world. I empathize a lot with Alistair, especially with his experience with the Chantry and his subsequent reluctance to deal with it. I really wish I had gotten to know more about concrete experiences he had during his training as templar, but he seems reluctant to talk about it (gee, I wonder why).

Since I've only played the game once, I haven't really picked up on Arl Eamon's abuse towards him, which apparently exists (Isolde, however... I mean, even if he were Eamon's illegitimate son, he's a kid, ma'am, he didn't exactly get to chose his parents. So that's so not okay). Alistair's way of speaking about them both, however, is either sign that he has not come within a hundred miles of acknowledging how much it hurt him, or that he's already gone through the whole process and has decided to forgive them. The latter shows a very strong character; yes, he relies on the approval and leadership of others, he has his issues, but he's already started working on them.

That being said, irl Alistair would be like a little brother to me. I'd tease him relentlessly (all in good fun and I promise to stop if it makes him uncomfortable, but he's just so teasable). I still wish the videogame gave him the chance to take important decisions for himself. But that, of course, would somewhat defeat the point of the game.

Leliana:

Another sweet, sweet person. Her singing voice is amazing. Her belief in the Maker inspires me (I'm a religious person and seeing religious characters represented in a positive light is Very Cool. It's also sometimes a source of discomfort, because the Church has done a lot of very messed up stuff and positive representation can sometimes veer into apologetics for things that should not be excused, but that's a whole other can of worms. The bottom line is that religious characters sometimes work for me and other times don't and Leliana works for me very much bc she's an outsider inside the Chantry).

Leliana is best friend material, tbh. I'd love to get to know her irl, discuss theology and philosophy and maybe even politics? She makes mistakes and has prejudices, but, tbh, so do I. And I do get the feeling that she tries her best to learn. From the times she intervenes in a conversation between the Warden and an NPC, she shows herself to be compassionate and open to the needs of others. What I get from her character is that she genuinely wants to help, which is something that I adore of her. I suspect that she sometimes has a hard time deciding wether she's a good person or not. She has killed and seduced and worked for a morally dubious person, and she doesn't show the same nonchalance about it as Zevran (though they both do discuss their line of work in very... professional terms). This is, however, more of a headcanon than actual factual canon.

I also very much enjoy her girly side, like her interest in shoes and dresses. She's one badass woman who also looses her cool about the latest fashions in Val Royeaux. I like that. Between her and Alistair, a non human noble Warden has as good a help to navigate the Fereldan court as they're going to get. Leliana is also, I can't forget that, clever and insightful. It'd be easy to write her off as the innocent chantry girl, but she's so much more than that. Her kindness is paired with foresight, I think. She knows that taking on the trouble to help now can go a long way in the future. I just have a lot of respect for her.

Loghain:

This one's gonna be short bc I didn't recruit him. He's an amazing villain and would probably be a great Warden as well. He reminds me of Denerhor from LOTR; once a hero/stewart of his people, ambition and desperation have driven them both down a terrible path. I have also only little idea about his past. People say he lost a lot, and I believe it wholeheartedly; it doesn't excuse the fact that he plunged the country into a civil war in the middle of a Blight. I don't have a lot of sympathy for short-sighted politicians. I wish he hadn't made himself regent. That's what I take away from his character.

Edit: One thing I forgot to mention that really impressed me was his death. I had Alistair duel him (that was a rough duel), and then it kinda just jumped to a cutscene of my Warden nodding and Alistair executing him. That didn't sit well with me. I didn't want to kill Loghain, and less so in front of Anora. But what impressed me was that Loghain just accepted it. That takes a whole lot of guts. Compare that to Howe's death, and how he screams out that he deserved (more, probably, or anything but death) and it's crystal clear who the more noble of the two is. Loghain strikes me as very lawful neutral, and any neutral alignment has the particularity that it can be dragged towards good or bad, sometimes without the characters noticing it (which is interesting from a DnD perspective; neutral is often concieved of as just as stable as good or evil, but that may not be true. But that's a different post). Anyway, Loghain's death was impactful.

Morrigan:

I could kick myself for not maxing out her approval in the first play-through. I got to enjoy a bit of her friendship by the end of it and boy was even that little bit worth it. Friendship with Morrigan is something that is hard-won. It's all the more precious because of that.

Morrigan is full of paradoxes, I think. She's incredibly wise in some ways, yet also very short-sighted (”just kill them, don't solve their problems”. Morrigan, dear, I'm not going to gain a lot of allies if I kill everybody who poses a problem to me). She is so intelligent, but emotionally... not so. She knows so much about some things, and very little about the next. She's incredibly wilful and knows what she wants, but follows Flemeth's orders all the time through. She hungers for power and independence, yet craves closeness, but won't allow herself to have it. She asks you to prove yourself to her and is extremely critical of your actions, I think, because she's afraid. She bites the hand that feeds her because it might hit her next.

Like with Eamon, I haven't managed to catch the undercurrent of abuse that seems to permeate Flemeth's relationship with Morrigan. Except there are signs, because there must be something Morrigan is scared of and who has instilled all that rage in her, and that's Flemeth. Also, she clearly hates/does not care about her and wants her dead (unless killing Flemeth was part of Flemeth's plan as well? Hm.)

Morrigan is that one person who you are nice to, continuously, because nobody else is. And suddenly she becomes less cold. And then friendly. And suddenly you're asking yourself why everybody hates her, because she's a really good friend! I just wish the other companions came to a similar conclusion, especially Alistair and Wynne.

Oghren:

They did this man dirty. He has such great lines and I'm convinced he was a great person before Branka disappeared. He has that dwarven warrior spirit, and while he looks like Gimli, some of his most impactful lines remind me of Dwalin or even Thorin Oakenshield himself. He could be so noble had he gotten some character development, damnit!

Oghren as he is written is somewhat disgusting. I hate the lechering comments and the drunkenness. And still, I don't hate him because of those amazing lines he has when he's actually sober. It's frustrating and I'll give him that character development myself if the game won't. I strongly associate the song Whiskey Lullaby with him, bc that's how he would have ended up if the Warden hadn't taken him along (warning: the song talks about suicide and alcoholism). Like I said, they could have done such cool things with his character. As he is written now... it's just sad. Moments of lucidity drowned in alcohol and creepy jokes. As you can see, I don't blame the character for either. The alcoholism happens all too often irl. The creepy jokes... I put that one on the writers' tab.

I actually think Oghren could have been a great mentor figure (I know, I shock myself as well sometimes). Next to the Grey Wardens, the ones who know most about fighting darkspawn are the dwarves because they have to deal with them constantly. Especially a warrior caste dwarf like Oghren could have brought a lot of that invaluable knowledge to the team, especially since there are no Grey Wardens in Ferelden but two extremely green recruits. Next, you get the chance to give Oghren the command of the teammates you leave behind in the battle of Denerim with the reason that he has lead men into battle before. Where did that suddenly come from? Oghren should have been right up there telling my Warden that they were doing this wrong, that they needed more food (and booze) and a confident leader to keep the armies they've called together going. Oghren should have been able to tell my civilian city elf who got recruited into the Grey Wardens a six months ago how one leads an army. How one presents oneself to inspire confidence, how one doesn't crack under the pressure, how one gets the leaders of said armies (some who hate each others guts i.e. Dalish elves and humans) to work together. And, last but not least, Oghren could have had a great story about grief. This is a man who has lost most of what made him (and what he hasn't lost he's spilling down the drain with every mug of ale). This is a man who, if you take him into the Deep Roads, has to see what his wife did to his family, how his wife got absolutely obsessed, and can be forced to kill said wife or watch her die. All Wardens loose their home and families at the start of the story. It would really have rounded the whole narrative out if the Warden and Oghren could have recognised their grief in each other and hashed it out somehow. Such as it is, Oghren is a depressed drunkard and there is nothing we can do about that. I find that frustrating.

Rascal (a.k.a. Dog):

Best boy. 100/10. I wish we had gotten to see the reaction of the different origins to the mabari (because elves probably have a whole different experience with them from mages or humans. And dwarves just... I think they straight up have none? XD). Other than that, no complaints. The name Rascal was the one I gave my dog because you have to be a right rascal to survive what he did and play the pranks he plays. Smartest breed in the world indeed.

Shale:

Shale is one of those characters that I recruited rather late in the game, so I haven't had the chance to explore their personality and worldview, really. I didn't even get to take them to the Deep Roads (this will be ammended in playthrough nr. 2). As such, I don't have particularly strong opinions on them (or her? The wiki refers to Shale as 'it', but that sounds weird). But, because I know so little about Shale, I have a lot of questions. First, what were they like before they were a golem? Shayle, as she was called then, was the best warrior of her time if I remember correctly. Why did she become a golem? Was it to be able to eternally protect her people? Was the sarcasm the golem Shale exhibits also part of the dwarven warrior Shayle or did that come later (if for thirty years you have nobody to talk to but yourself, you better be entertaining. And I can imagine how it could make somebody terribly jaded as well).

Next, how attached is Shale to their golem form, exactly? According to the banter, they infinitely prefer it to a squishy fleshy form. If that is the case, however, why go to Tevinter to try and become a squishy dwarf again? It's not like that process could be reversed if they wanted to become a golem again; if Shale survives to the end of the game, the Anvil of the Void is destroyed and Caridin is dead. Was the whole spiel about their indestructible form a façade? It might have been, but not because Shale actually disliked their form. I think it would have more to do with the loss of their memories and with the very invasive experiments and alterations of Shale's body made by the mage Wilhelm. The loss of memories means that Shale is unable to remember life as a fleshy creature. They might be deflecting by pretending that they didn't care for that experience anyway because of the superiority of their golem form. The modifications made to their form by Wilhelm would have alienated them from their body. In light of this, it's significant that Shale asks the Warden to decorate their form with crystals.

All of this is, of course, pure speculation. I may have easily missed or forgotten details that would disprove the above thoughts. All in all, I like Shale and I hope we meet them again in DA4 (given that it's mostly set in Tevinter). It's a liking from a respectful distance, because Shale is tall and made out of rock and also way more experienced than I will ever be (they are literally the oldest member of the Warden's little Blight fighting squad).

Sten:

Sten is another person I'd keep a respectful distance from physically. That seems to be the what he would prefer, at least. I've enjoyed his character a lot, especially because he seems pretty clear-cut at first, but slowly lets the nuance of his person show (gruff and stoic, but then he has an eye for art, a sweet tooth and he likes cute animals). It's also very interesting that there's no moment when you learn "the truth" about him the way you do with Zevran or Leliana. There's no big reveal about his life under the Qun before coming to Ferelden. He says he was sent to monitor the Blight, but honestly? If neither Ferelden nor Orlais knew there was a Blight, how could the Qunari know? I think he's lying, and he takes his secrets back with him when he leaves Ferelden. And yet I think I know him enough to say that a Warden who has become friends with him has nothing to fear from Sten.

One thing I find very interesting about Sten is how he thinks. His conversation about how women can't be soldiers has been analysed a lot on this page I think. He seems to be arguing based on a different paradigma than the one the Warden has. He also seems to have a very clear-cut view of the world. What is fascinating to me is that, when arguing with the Warden and learning about their culture, he is not necessarily becoming more lax about his worldview. I think it's more likely that he is expanding his paradigma, the structure of thought through which he understands the world. I don't think that he is now convinced that women can be warriors as well. I think he rather understands that, in Ferelden, the relationship between occupation and gender is different than under the Qun. Which of the two he thinks is more right or more agreeable, I have no idea. I'm also not very interested in that. But I find it fascinating how he always seems to be looking on quietly, gathering data, classifying it and trying to fit it into his understanding of how the world works. I wouldn't be surprised at all if his original party was a scouting party to see how vulnerable Ferelden was at that moment to outside forces. One thing I don't understand with all of this is why he urges the Warden to meet the Blight head on. No smart soldier would suggest that, except if they are foolishly proud (and Sten doesn't seem like that kind of guy tbh). I get that the Warden takes way longer to gather allies than expected because they first have to solve all of their allies' problems. But surely Sten sees the need to have allies? Is he just that impatient? Does he have a death wish (à la, I lost my sword and am without honour, better to die sooner than later and in glorious battle)? Was he his group's previous commander and is he now having trouble following somebody else's orders? Or maybe it's his way to make sure the Warden knows what they are doing? To push them into becoming the self-assured commander their allies will need once they're all gathered? I really don't know. I like the last option best, however.

For me, Sten is my fellow, more experienced soldier. Like Alistair, he can potentially be the Warden's brother in arms, but he's definitely the older brother here. He probably doesn't take kindly to tearful confessions of how hard everything is, but I feel like he's otherwise a solid rock to lean on. I feel like the Warden can trust him to do what is necessary and count on him no matter what, especially after they get his sword back. His devotion from that point on is honestly so powerful.

Wynne:

Wynne was such a support for my Warden (except with the whole conversation about love vs. duty and that she may have to choose between Zevran and ending the Blight and that she should therefore break up with him. Wynne had a point. Astala was so not willing to sacrifice her relationship with Zevran. But the whole conversation came at a point where she was already so disillusioned that she blew up in Wynne's face (”can i please just have one (1) nice thing????”)). But all in all, Wynne is great.

She has a lot of flaws. She was very marked by her life in the Cricle and, for all her age, she has little experience living outside of it. She is also a conformist despite her strong moral core. In a way, her ability to find peace with her lot in life impresses me deeply because it speaks to a lot of strength of character. Sadly, however, strength can be ill applied and used to suppress. I think she has convinced herself that the Chantry is right under (almost) all circumstances to be able to rationalize the life that mages live. She's had her son taken away from her as a baby and an apprentice killed. Her reaction seems to have been to convince herself that this was right, or for the greater good (and now I'm thinking about the Guardian's question at the temple of Andraste's Ashes; are you wise or do you just repeat what others have told you? The answer is not as clear-cut as it might be). This is why she is so irritated by Zevran and Morrigan. By aligning herself with the Chantry, she is, in her eyes, good. Zevran and Morrigan are not; they do not conform to Chantry morality and they defend themselves tooth and nails against somebody who would try and convert them. This is something Wynne never allowed herself to do; she always did the "right" thing and it has cost her so much. I'm not saying she was right (it would probably have done her some good to rebel from time to time, and to trust her own gut instinct more), but in light of this, it hardly surprises me that she's so judgamental. She has to be, or she would be forced to confront all the evil she has not fought against all those years and all the hurt that has been caused to her by the very institution she protects (and thank God she only tries to argue and can appreciate it when people have found a good life outside of her comfort zone. If she tried to convince by force or, for example, drag her former apprentice back to the Circle... boy oh boy that would get ugly). If you think about it, Wynne really is a good example for what happens if you live by a philosophy of always choosing the lesser evil.

Something that I keep forgetting over her grandmotherly and dignified character is how damn powerful she is. She has escaped the carnage at Ostagar; HOW!? She protected those mage apprentices in the Circle tower for God knows how long. In the battle of Denerim, she wades through an army and comes out alive on the other side. The wiki lists her age at 40, I think, but that doesn't make a lick of sense unless 75 years of age are the Fereldan equivalent to 100. This lady, about whom people make grandmother jokes, did all that. It's impressive.

Zevran:

You know, I would really love to know what Wynne thinks about the events at Kirkwall in DA2. It might be a disaster for her, or it might pave the way for one last bit of character development. She certainly didn't want to return to the Circle after fighting the Blight. That may be an indicator of some change in her stance on the Circle of Magi.

Edit: I forgot that she is what the Circle considers a literal abomination! Holy cow, how could I forget that?? Anyway, her conversation about what being an abomination means is so... heartbreaking, actually. It's so tentative. So careful. "Am I an abomination? Am I the same thing that has killed my students? The same thing as Uldred? Am I lost and damned? Did I invite this spirit in? Is this my fault?" Like wow, Wynne is going through something huge right there. I love it. I have to continue playing the game to see what it ends up as, but it's fascinating and such a huge thing that she allows the Warden in on that.

Ah, Zevran, my beloved (he has stolen my heart so much it's not even funny anymore). He's funny, he's charming, he's so so loyal and it breaks my heart. Zevran is the one about whom I've read most meta: these three wonderful posts for instance, as well as this one about his possible lack of scars, and this one about his lack of freedom. All of these have influenced my opinion of him and they are great reads.

I have talked about Zevran with you before, so I'll just skip to the new stuff. I have come to conclusion that Zevran is an artist at heart. This is totally not biased by the fact that I also do art, but hear me out. One of his preferred gifts are bars of silver and gold. While those have the obvious utility of basically functioning as money (they can be sold to any silversmith or goldsmith and their value is pretty stable through time and in different countries), there's also this from his codex: "Zevran shows an affinity for the finer things in life—hardly surprising for an Antivan Crow—but his appreciation can be more poetic than he lets on. A simple bar of refined silver or gold, uncomplicated by a craftsman's hammer, is elegantly valuable." Tell me that is not an artist's eye that sees that gold and sees the beauty in it. Then, there's also the meta about Zevran the Seducer which I linked above and link here again. It talks specifically about how he lets himself enjoy the target and be seen in his enjoyment. Tell me that is not an artist's eye that beholds the beauty of something he is set out to destroy. Even his talk about his assassinations show this. He talks about it as an art, the way somebody would talk about the brutal intervention in stone that produces a sculpture. Yes, it's a rationalization of the act of killing and yes killing is still wrong. But he doesn't go on about it on a moral tangent the way Alistair or Wynne would (”this person was bad, killing them was necessary”) or even through the argument of survival like Morrigan would (”it was either them or me and it sure as Hell wasn't going to be me”). He talks about the pleasure of a job well done, of the satisfaction of striking the precise point and executing a plan to the perfection so as to minimize chances of discovery and to make a clean death possible. And pleasure in seeing and in doing, this I firmly believe, is absolutely fundamental for an artist.

My favourite part about my Warden and Zevran as a pairing is that Zevran precisely brings out that ability to take your pleasures as they come and to really savour them. Fighting the Blight is tough; it's so important to find good things amidst the chaos to stay sane. If Astala saves Zevran from himself by offering him a place to stay and a purpose, Zevran saves Astala from herself by keeping her from running herself into the ground trying to save the world.

There are some things I don't like about Zev. The incessant flirting, for example, sometimes makes me uncomfortable (it becomes enjoyable for me once the Warden and him are in a relationship, but before that? Nah, no thanks). I wish he would also leave the other female characters alone (and there's so many more shameless comments of his aimed at Morrigan, Leliana or Wynne than at Alistair or maybe even Sten).

---

And that's my take on the Origins companions (this was rather long. Whew ^^' I hope it was still readable and that you enjoyed it!!) Thank you so much for the ask!! It's been a joy thinking about this. I was worrying at first that the less prominent companions like Sten or Shale wouldn't get as much content but... well XD

[obsessioncalledhsmtmts]

What I would've done for S2 & S3 of hsmtmts if I was the writer/director:

Nini

I would've probably changed Nini to not getting into YAC in the first season. She would've stayed the second semester at East High. She would spend the season working on her acting to get ready for an audition for YAC for senior year (so the audience could feel like she actually deserved it- instead of just bc she's the MC). -

She would have to reckon with the fact that her going off-script was probably why she wasn't accepted. -

I would've also given Nini more personality, maybe explore her interests outside of school, or her relationship with her moms. Make her have more flaws and have her learn to work through them. -

Nini lands the understudy for a main/secondary role and gets casted as the rose. She ends up helping backstage and works with Ashlyn as a songwriter/composer for the show. -

I'm thinking throughout the season she'll deal with a lot of school pressure, along with relationship problems, and her own stress of trying to make it into YAC and she'll eventually break down from the stress (Gina, Kourtney, and her parents would be there for her) -

her audition could've been in the last episode (making the "second chance" song more meaningful) -

I think Nini being low-key iced out by her friend group for going to YAC was messed up. That was her ambition. -

ALTERNATE IDEA: She could've also transferred to North High instead, making their menkies competition more relavent. Then tranferred back after a while and have to deal with going against her friends. [Idk just most of her personality in the two seasons, even after Ricky and Nini broke up, revolved around Ricky and she didn't get to have a life or personality beyond 1) the musical and 2) the boys in her life]

Ricky

Ricky's arc would be similar to the original. Him having Nini as his lifeline was pretty toxic for the both of them anyway. This time with him having some character development. Maybe having a scene where Nini says something like "I care about you Ricky, I really do. But I can't handle my own problems along with yours. I'm always here if you need to talk, but...maybe you should get some help first. You should talk to your parents." then after a bunch of stuff, Ricky learns to ask for help, and his parents send him to therapy. He apologizes to Nini. [Btw this arc wouldn't be to bash Ricky, but more of have him learn healthy ways of venting and finding help]

He finally talks and works things through with his mom and she and his dad finally realize the emotional toll their problems have caused Ricky

I was thinking about a flashback to Ricky seeing his parents fight all the time but that might be too dark for a Disney show

Ricky wasn't interested in musicals before, so therefore he should, realistically, have to learn to play the piano or guitar (Nini could've taught him)

if the writers wanted him to have acting/singing as his actual passion and not just as something he joined to get Nini back- then we should've had him practicing singing or acting (not for Nini this time) while also doing his old hobbies.

Nini and Ricky

I feel like they missed a really good opportunity to teach the audience how to open up and work through problems when they just decided to make Rini break up over miscommunication.

For a relationship that mentions them as childhood best friends, i wasn't feeling the best friends thing when they were together

If the writers were intending for us to root for Rini, then they should've made Ricky have more redeeming qualities, him doing stuff on Nini's phone was EJ-like which they established in S1 was bad

Consider this as some dialogue Nini and Ricky could've had about their relationship in the treehouse scene: Nini: "I don't even know how I got from loving you so much to not even wanting to fight for this" instead of just stating the obvious of "we've been miss-communicating all year" Ricky could've said something like: Ricky: "I wasn't honest with you. I tried to hide things from you. It feels like we're not even friends anymore." Nini: "We were friends...what happened?" Ricky: "I don't know, what's been going on with my parents has-" Nini: "No, this isn't their fault. It's ours." *a long pause* Nini: "Since we're admitting things we've done wrong. I've got one. I wasn't intending on sharing the rose song with you. I don't know i think i was just- scared it would cause more problems and i...hid a lot of the things i was feeling...about us." Ricky: "Can I ask...what are you feeling... about us? Like... was the song really all about us?"

you get the point- Rini would actually work through their problems instead of constantly having miscommunication problems that were unrealistic given that they were friends since kindergarten

Kourtney

Kourtney should've been given an arc and I would probably cut Howie (i like him but not every girl needs a love interest- if not then Howie shouldn’t have been the only depth she has).

Kourtney could have a fashion internship and we could explore her personality.

Make her more than the bff of Nini- have Nini be the one to reassure and be there for her

healthy feminism that's not just there for tokenism (and not whatever S1 Kourtney was)

Make people be there for her and don't just leave her alone because she's "strong" and "independent" People need help sometimes. Being independent is different to having no one there for you.

Gina

Jack appeared and disappeared- would've probably made him show up once more. And Gina and him wouldn't meet like that- maybe they knew each other from another school (bc normal ppl don't randomly talk to strangers at airports lol) -

I liked Gina's arc overall and would've kept it.

Introduced or at least hinted at Gina's brother more (him calling her but her refusing to answer because it's been so long)

Even if her main plot will revolve around love, Gina would have...well... a life.

Explore her relationship with her mom

explore how traveling all the time has affected her

things like not wanting to get attached bc even tho she has a place to stay, things can change at any moment and she knows that

showing her adapting to new situations really quickly

Her relationship with her brother could've been explored more

EJ

More on-screen character development

Building off the arrogant, confident character he was in the first season and still having some of those qualities as the second season progressed

Follow up for him and his dads conversation

Cousin duo with Ashlyn

EJ should've had a storyline outside of Gina being a symbol of his "development,"

He could have talked to Nini about how he was feeling about his future since they both were worried about the same

Gina and EJ

EJ's is a lot more tactful than Ricky and if the writers had wanted for us to root for them more- Ej could've represented what Ricky didn't do. Instead they had him misscomunicate about the big brother thing for shock and drama value and have Gina be the one to clear it up.

Have EJ try to be a good person, not for Gina, but for himself.

Consistent friendship with Gina before it was implied he had a crush

ALTERNATE PLOT IDEA: Instead of having them end up together, have them be more brother/sister and support system. Have EJ learn to be a good person without doing it for someone and rather do it for himself

All in all I would've kept the basic framework of their relationship and just change up a few things

Carlos and Seb

I loved Carlos' arc too (and Seb's).

Have Seb sing more

more screentime alltogether

Ashlyn

I liked them touching on body image issues with Ashlyn but i probably wouldn't have mentioned it once and then never mention it again. I think it should've lasted at least 2/3 episodes.

Ashlyn could've seen a plus size actress in a musical she goes to with Kourtney and Gina (bc that trio is amazing) and feeling a lot more confident but still a little insecure (cuz insecurities don't just disappear with a short monologue)

I'm very anti one-dimensional mean girl so, as part of Lily's redemption, lily would build up Ashlyn a little.

Maybe cut out Big Red/Ashlyn because i see them more as friends (they could still have similar scenes together tho)

have ashlyn and big red break up by spring break- ashlyn won't tell anyone and keep her personal life out of her acting and end up spiraling

completely cut out any french guy jealousy from Big Red (completely unneeded)

Lily

I would've had Lily be more of the 3 dimensional character- i think we should be over the mean girl trope. I'm thinking parental issues/pressures (building off episode 11) and some insecurity or anxiety would be pretty realistic. Maybe she’s sick of constantly being the center of attention and wants some downtime.

If they intend to make Ricky and Lily end up together (or at least have a friendship), I would do it a little differently. In the Ricky section of this post i mentioned Ricky, if acting/singing had become his passion, should've taken up some lessons. What if Lily had ended up being his tutor or something? Maybe he signed up before all the drama and got to know her before.

just think of all the possibilities tho- it would also make the “let you go” song that Ricky does on the piano have some double meaning

Lily stealing the harness makes absolutely no sense plot-wise, so I would also cut that out

Side characters

French dude should've gotten more screentime

Mazzara/Jenn should've been equal pining like in S1- not just mainly one sided

Plot

more episodes, most of the problems and conflicts presented weren't resolved or addressed by the end of the series. Characters, especially the ones in relationships, don't even talk about their problems. And yes, realistically, sometimes people don't talk it out, but most get closure within themselves and problems don't appear and disappear magically. -

maybe change the menkies competition for another competition, something where you can have more creative liberty with the plot and songs -

cut out the dance/sing off, it was completely unneeded

cut out the "come back video" to North High's diss video

cut out the sleepover episode

All these episodes did was provide unneeded drama that could've been used to instead to take a break from the conflict and be more character driven -

Maybe a different musical- BATB was a weird choice for an official competition. If not then different casting

Ej for beast, Ricky for Gaston, seb for candleholder, carlos for clock,

The scenes from the musical should've been included, I felt like there was an episode missing between ep.11 and 12

Every relationship was the exact same- the guy pining to the loosely interested girl and then when they get together the girl having to constantly reassure him about the relationship

Ok, guess they wasted that entire semester just to never open the envelope (they should've opened it because they realized that the Menkies tore them apart and they lost sight of their passion)

a lot of the events, character development, and reactions were off-screen, which made it so annoying to watch bc a lot of those scenes were important to the plot

Disclaimer: Not hating on the writers, directors, or actors of this show. I'm just inputting my own ideas of what I think would've made the show better for me. I kept and cut out some ships i did/didn't like so my personal opinion on the relationships do have an influence

[morrpeko]

i’ve had Donatella Aquato on the brain lately, lads. 

a big issue i (and a lot of others) have with Donatella is how passive aggressive and guilt-trippy she is towards Raz. And how it’s just kind of... played off? which is fucked up 

so here are some hcs/concepts for some Donatella lore/character development for your consideration

(contains spoilers for the whole Psychonauts franchise)

aight so first things first: i want Hollis and Donatella to reconcile. I picture them going to the bowling alley and having some drinks and just kind of bickering the first time but as time goes on they just start vibing and going out for drinks more often (sometimes Milla will join too!)

they’re all friends your honor. its not a picture-perfect friendship; they don’t always agree and at times things can get a bit heated and they argue but they balance each other out. 

Hollis enjoys the occasional Aquato-brand whimsy and acknowledges Dona’s skill as an acrobat/athlete while Dona really admires Hollis’ more grounded demeanor and her leadership skills. she’s also grateful that this person who she sees as level-headed and a good leader is one of the people who’s looking out for Raz and helping him in areas (i.e. irt psychic stuff) that she herself cannot

i think a little while post-psychonauts 2 Hollis approaches Donatella with an offer of being a pseudo-instructor for physical education for the junior agents (and maybe the senior agents too-- the ones that aren’t too stuck up/prideful, that is) 

and Donatella’s like “well don’t expect me to give away any family secrets but i can help you stretch these children; i’ve done it like 5 times already i’m basically an expert”

P.E. instructor Donatella arc is basically what i’m getting at here like think of the potential for goofs. think of the junior agents thinking they’re hot shit only to get dunked on by a gaggle of gangly acrobats who’re like “god you can’t just do a backflip? it’s so easy what the hell”

as for how her treatment of Raz gets addressed:

it doesn’t happen immediately; it takes a lot of conversations with Hollis and Milla for her to start thinking “hm. maybe the things i’ve said to my 10 year old son about how he ‘betrayed’ us after he fuckin ran away bc he was unhappy and thought we’d hate him if he flat out told us he was psychic are not that great actually”

i think a pivotal moment would be Hollis opening up a little (and I mean a little itsy-bitsy teeny-weenie little bit) about her strained relationship with her family for Donatella to start to have that ‘oh no. what have i done’ moment that Augustus has during the first game

that line from the maternity ward in Hollis’ mind; the one from the parents that are like “when will (this baby) achieve our unfulfilled ambitions?” really sticks out to me. i think Hollis and Dona being able to relate to that in the sense that their parents wanted to live vicariously through their children and their children’s achievements would be real cool

i like to imagine that Donatella was a gymnast before she met Augustus. her mother was one of those moms that push their kids really hard in sports/pageants/etc so they can swoop in and share in the glory without really doing anything

so Dona had to put up with having that type of mom her whole life. her mother was very strict and controlling in all aspects of her life-- she wasn’t allowed to wear make-up, she couldn’t eat certain things-- it was uber fucked up and she hated it, but she also put up with it because it’s her mother 

until she gets injured and sidelined during training for a competition. Dona’s mom rips into her for getting hurt (which is awful bc she was more pissed that Dona couldn’t compete than she was concerned bc her daughter got injured) and they get into a massive fight that ends up with Dona leaving the house despite her injuries bc she’s just so pissed

the Aquato family circus also happened to be in town so heh... u know.... funny how these things work out huh

When Dona meets Augustus they don’t go from strangers to madly-in-love like instantly. in morrpeko’s house we don’t do ‘love-at-first-sight’ tropes; we need history. we need to fan the embers before they burst into flames my friends

so over the course of a season (spring-summer probably) they become friends. they bond over... gymnastics and acrobatics and stuff. everything’s going great until the Aquato’s are getting ready to leave

both Dona and Augustus are kind of devastated bc they were best friends by this point!! they don’t want to say goodbye, but they’re young and have no other choice.

so they part ways and it’s real sad

.......until next spring/summer when the circus comes back into town!!!

and they’re so happy to see each other again! they make up for lost time and hang out all the time! and Augustus is thrilled bc he thought she would’ve forgotten about him by now and Dona missed Augustus bc they were partners in crime, and she like the circus and all the performers there! everyone was nice and they just seemed to be good to each other like a big family and Dona’s like “god i wish that were me”

cut to the Aquatos leaving for the second time; Augustus and all the other performers and Nona promising to be back next spring/summer

and Dona finds herself wishing she could go with them, but she doesn’t. and she has to spend the next half a year tolerating her overbearing mother and her stupid rules and how she would take credit for everything her daughter did like she wasn’t even there.

those months alone made Donatella realize how unhappy she was. and her coming to the realization that she doesn’t want to keep being miserable and she might want to be an acrobat. so she makes the mistake of telling her mother

and her mother is livid. she shuts her down and guilt-trips and manipulates the shit out of her, and by this point Dona knows that her mother doesn’t care about her being happy, she just cares about what she achieves and flaunts her like a trophy

so she makes a decision. a  decision that frightens and excites her in equal measure, and she just gets more resolute as spring/summer approaches 

and the next time the Aquatos leave, she’s going with them, damn it! she’s taking charge of her own happiness. and even though it hurt back then, and it still hurts now, now that Dona is a lot older and has a family of her own, she doesn’t regret it

but when she realizes that Raz might’ve felt as awful as she did when she chose to leave? that he made the decision to run away because he was miserable and unhappy? that Dona might’ve unconsciously been saying the same kind of shit that her mother said to her? she’s devastated

she’s mad at herself and she just wants to undo all the awful things she’s ever said but she can’t. because you can’t change the past and you can’t just magically fix everything. so once she gets her shit together she starts pulling her kids aside and apologizing. promising to do better by them and vowing to not lie or hide things anymore

and that’s all i got cause this entire thing has been a big stream of consciousness 

thanks for reading 

[faraway-wanderer]

BOOKS BY ASIAN AUTHORS MASTERLIST #stopasianhate

In light of recent events and the growing anti- Asian hate in the US and UK over the course of the pandemic I wanted to put together a masterlist of books by Asian authors. Obviously, it’s not extensive and there are HUNDREDS out there, but supporting art by Asian creators is a way of showing support; read their stories, educate ourselves. It goes without saying that we should all be putting effort into reading stories of POC and by POC because even through fiction we’re learning about different cultures, countries and heritages. So here’s some books to start with by Asian authors!

Here is a link also for resources to educate and petitions to sign (especially if you don’t read haha). It’s important that we educate ourselves and uplift Asian voices right now. Your anti-racism has to include every minority that faces it.

https://anti-asianviolenceresources.carrd.co/

for UK peeps, this is a good read: We may not hear about the anti Asian racism happening here, but it is definitely happening. https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/culture/culture-news/a35692226/its-time-we-stopped-downplaying-the-uks-anti-asian-racism/

 THE BOOKS:

·         War Cross- Marie Lu ( the worldbuilding in this is IMMENSE.)

For the millions who log in every day, Warcross isn’t just a game—it’s a way of life. The obsession started ten years ago and its fan base now spans the globe, some eager to escape from reality and others hoping to make a profit. 

·         Star Daughter- Shveta Thakrar

A beautiful story about a girl who is half human and half star, and she must go to the celestial court to try to save her father after he has fallen ill. And before she knows it, she is taking part in a magical competition that she must win!

·         These Violent Delights- Chloe Gong (I told my little sister to read this book yesterday bc she has a thing for a Leo as Romeo- so if you want deadly good looking Romeos, badass Juliet’s and to learn about 1920s Shanghai- this is for you.)

The year is 1926, and Shanghai hums to the tune of debauchery. A blood feud between two gangs runs the streets red, leaving the city helpless in the grip of chaos. A Romeo and Juliet retelling.

·         The Poppy War- R.F Kuang (My fave fantasy series just fyi- it’s soul crushing in the best way. Rebecca Kuang is a god of an author).

A brilliantly imaginative talent makes her exciting debut with this epic historical military fantasy, inspired by the bloody history of China’s twentieth century and filled with treachery and magic, in the tradition of Ken Liu’s Grace of Kings and N.K. Jemisin’s Inheritance Trilogy.

·         Loveboat Taipei-  Abigail Hing Wen  (Really heartwarming and insightful!)

When eighteen-year-old Ever Wong’s parents send her from Ohio to Taiwan to study Mandarin for the summer, she finds herself thrust among the very over-achieving kids her parents have always wanted her to be, including Rick Woo, the Yale-bound prodigy profiled in the Chinese newspapers since they were nine—and her parents’ yardstick for her never-measuring-up life.

·         Sorcerer to the Crown- Zen Cho (if anyone is looking for another Howl’s Moving Castle, look no further than this book)

At his wit’s end, Zacharias Wythe, freed slave, eminently proficient magician, and Sorcerer Royal of the Unnatural Philosophers—one of the most respected organizations throughout all of Britain—ventures to the border of Fairyland to discover why England’s magical stocks are drying up.

·         Emergency Contact- Mary H.K. Choi (very wholesome and fun rom-com!)

For Penny Lee high school was a total nonevent. When she heads to college in Austin, Texas, to learn how to become a writer, it’s seventy-nine miles and a zillion light years away from everything she can’t wait to leave behind.

 ·         Jade City- Fonda Lee (I am reading this currently and can I just say- I think everyone who loves fantasy and blood feuds in a story should read this.)

JADE CITY is a gripping Godfather-esque saga of intergenerational blood feuds, vicious politics, magic, and kungfu. The Kaul family is one of two crime syndicates that control the island of Kekon. It's the only place in the world that produces rare magical jade, which grants those with the right training and heritage superhuman abilities.

 ·         A Pho Love Story- Loan Le

When Dimple Met Rishi meets Ugly Delicious in this funny, smart romantic comedy, in which two Vietnamese-American teens fall in love and must navigate their newfound relationship amid their families’ age-old feud about their competing, neighbouring restaurants.

·         Rebelwing- Andrea Tang

Business is booming for Prudence Wu. A black-market-media smuggler and scholarship student at the prestigious New Columbia Preparatory Academy, Pru is lucky to live in the Barricade Coalition where she is free to study, read, watch, and listen to whatever she wants.

·         Wings of the Locust- Joel Donato Ching Jacob

Tuan escapes his mundane and mediocre existence when he is apprenticed to Muhen, a charming barangay wiseman. But, as he delves deeper into the craft of a mambabarang and its applications in espionage, sabotage and assassination, the young apprentice is overcome by conflicting emotions that cause him to question his new life.

 ·         The Travelling Cat Chronicles- Hiro Arikawa

Sometimes you have to leave behind everything you know to find the place you truly belong...

Nana the cat is on a road trip. He is not sure where he's going or why, but it means that he gets to sit in the front seat of a silver van with his beloved owner, Satoru. 

 ·         Super Fake Love Song- David Yoon

From the bestselling author of Frankly in Love comes a contemporary YA rom-com where a case of mistaken identity kicks off a string of (fake) events that just may lead to (real) love.

  ·         Parachutes- Kelly Yang

Speak enters the world of Gossip Girl in this modern immigrant story from New York Times bestselling author Kelly Yang about two girls navigating wealth, power, friendship, and trauma.

·         The Grace of Kings- Ken Liu ( One of the Time 100 Best Fantasy Books Of All Time!)

Two men rebel together against tyranny—and then become rivals—in this first sweeping book of an epic fantasy series from Ken Liu, recipient of Hugo, Nebula, and World Fantasy awards.

·         Wicked Fox- Kat Cho

A fresh and addictive fantasy-romance set in modern-day Seoul.

 ·         Descendant of the Crane- Joan He

In this shimmering Chinese-inspired fantasy, debut author Joan He introduces a determined and vulnerable young heroine struggling to do right in a world brimming with deception.

 ·         Pachinko- Min Jin Lee

Richly told and profoundly moving, Pachinko is a story of love, sacrifice, ambition, and loyalty. From bustling street markets to the halls of Japan's finest universities to the pachinko parlors of the criminal underworld, Lee's complex and passionate characters--strong, stubborn women, devoted sisters and sons, fathers shaken by moral crisis--survive and thrive against the indifferent arc of history.

·         America is in the Heart- Carlos Bulosan

First published in 1946, this autobiography of the well known Filipino poet describes his boyhood in the Philippines, his voyage to America, and his years of hardship and despair as an itinerant laborer following the harvest trail in the rural West.

 ·         Days of Distraction- Alexandra Chang

A wry, tender portrait of a young woman — finally free to decide her own path, but unsure if she knows herself well enough to choose wisely—from a captivating new literary voice.

·         The Astonishing Colour of After Emily X.R Pan

Alternating between real and magic, past and present, friendship and romance, hope and despair, The Astonishing Color of After is a novel about finding oneself through family history, art, grief, and love. 

·         The Gilded Wolves- Roshani Chokshi

It's 1889. The city is on the cusp of industry and power, and the Exposition Universelle has breathed new life into the streets and dredged up ancient secrets. Here, no one keeps tabs on dark truths better than treasure-hunter and wealthy hotelier Séverin Montagnet-Alarie. When the elite, ever-powerful Order of Babel coerces him to help them on a mission, Séverin is offered a treasure that he never imagined: his true inheritance.

·         When Dimple met Rishi- Sandhya Menon

Dimple and Rishi may think they have each other figured out. But when opposites clash, love works hard to prove itself in the most unexpected ways.

·         On Earth we’re briefly Gorgeous- Ocean Vuong

Poet Ocean Vuong's debut novel is a shattering portrait of a family, a first love, and the redemptive power of storytelling.

·         Fierce Fairytales- Nikita Gill

Complete with beautifully hand-drawn illustrations by Gill herself, Fierce Fairytales is an empowering collection of poems and stories for a new generation.

 BOOKS BEING RELEASED LATER THIS YEAR TO PREORDER:

·         Counting down with you- Tashie Bhuiyan- 4th May

A reserved Bangladeshi teenager has twenty-eight days to make the biggest decision of her life after agreeing to fake date her school’s resident bad boy.

How do you make one month last a lifetime?

·         Gearbreakers- Zoe Hana Mikuta- June 29th

Two girls on opposite sides of a war discover they're fighting for a common purpose--and falling for each other--in Zoe Hana Mikuta's high-octane debut Gearbreakers, perfect for fans of Pacific Rim, Pierce Brown's Red Rising Saga, and Marie Lu's Legend series

·         XOXO- Axie Oh- 13th July

When a relationship means throwing Jenny’s life off the path she’s spent years mapping out, she’ll have to decide once and for all just how much she’s willing to risk for love.

·         She who became the sun- Shelley Parker-Chan- 20th July

Mulan meets The Song of Achilles in Shelley Parker-Chan's She Who Became the Sun, a bold, queer, and lyrical reimagining of the rise of the founding emperor of the Ming Dynasty from an amazing new voice in literary fantasy.

·         Jade Fire Gold- June C.L Tan- October 12th

Two girls on opposite sides of a war discover they're fighting for a common purpose--and falling for each other--in Zoe Hana Mikuta's high-octane debut Gearbreakers, perfect for fans of Pacific Rim, Pierce Brown's Red Rising Saga, and Marie Lu's Legend series

  Keep sharing, signing petitions and donating where you can. The more people who are actively anti-racist, the better. And if your anti-racism doesn’t include the Asian community then go and educate yourself! BLM wasn’t a trend and neither is this. We have to stand up against white supremacy, and racism and stereotypes and we have to support the communities that need our support. Part of that can include cultivating your reading so you’re reading more diversely and challenging any stereotypes western society may have given you.

 Feel free to reblog and add any more recommendations and resources of course!

[fairy-writes]

hi fairy !! i saw ur matchups were open, and i was wondeding if i could request a male jujutsu kaisen and bungou stray dogs matchup ehe i don't rly mind whether or not they're platonic/romantic :^^

personality — i'm straight, not a minor and look like ur average nerdy girl ig? m smol tho ehe <:3 i'm v introverted- find it kinda hard to speak to ppl irl when we first meet, and maybe once or twice after that, but once we settle into a comfortable back and forth, i'm more open to chat and chill w them. it takes q a while for me to fall into that kind of pace bc i'm also kinda shy, but once we're good, i'm more outgoing than i would be at our first encounter. at that stage of friendship, i'm the type to look out for them, go out with them for a casual drink or two (at a cafe, not a bar). i don't trust easily, so that comes a lot later, but otherwise, i'm p affectionate w my friends/supposed partner after a while (my love language is physical affection and acts of service, so that pops up arnd a lot). errr if it helps, i'm also in slytherin, though i think that's largely bc of the ambition i have for chasing after the things i want to learn.

likes — classical music (becoming a concert pianist was one of my dreams until i ultimately decided to pursue science; i still play though, and i enjoy that immensely as a hobby), philosophical talks (i think deep most of the time when i'm alone), reading non-fiction (memoirs and recounts), spending time w my friends (includes all the study dates and times we spend on call going over academics) and being w my family <3

dislikes — rude/arrogant ppl, unreasonable ideals, ppl w narrow minds (and who absolutely refuse to see anything other than what they think is right; the kind of ppl who are "ure wrong, i'm right"), ppl ignorant of others' pain, slow wifi (can't watch all the anime and drama on my watchlist T_T), lack of structure (in terms of life and work)

that's it rly...? thank you so much for taking the time to look through this !! i hope u have a great day/night wherever u are in the world, and rmb to take care of urself !! 💙

Hello lovely! I labeled whether they were romantic or not :) I hope you like your matchup! 

Jujutsu Kaisen Matchup: I pair you with… Inumaki Toge!

(Platonic Matchup)

You are a sorcerer who helps out at Jujutsu Technical College and meets Inumaki after Gojo asks you to help with Inumaki’s cursed technique! You have a similar cursed technique and have much more experience than he does, so it’s a great match! Although the two of you communicate mainly through text and writing things down, you don’t have a specific way of talking like he does. You both end up super close after going on a few missions together, almost like siblings!

I see Inumaki as a Gryffindor! He’s courageous and chivalrous, which are both qualities Godric Gryffindor looks for in a person! He admires your ambition and tries to emulate it in some ways to better himself as a sorcerer.  He also enjoys listening to your piano playing and tries to track down songs and sheet music for you to surprise you with :)

Your conversations mainly occur through text or even sign language if you both want to learn that. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t deep and philosophical! For example, Inumaki has surprisingly complicated conversations when he wants to. He also asks for your help with academics! He is average at his school work and sometimes needs help with maths or science. Overall, the two of you are basically like siblings from different parents!

Bungou Stray Dogs Matchup: I pair you with… Kunikida Doppo!

(Romantic Matchup)

Atsushi actually introduces you two to each other after you need some help from the ADA. Initially, Kunikida is strictly professional and doesn’t do much in terms of pursuing a relationship. But after you become smitten by him and visit after your case is over, he actually asks you out to lunch, and the rest goes from there!

He’s definitely a Ravenclaw, and the two of you make a fearsome and ambitious couple with nothing standing in their way! He admires your ability to play piano and often makes requests if you take them. The two of you also have deep philosophical conversations all the time and often confuse anyone trying to listen in on them. 

He’s also a big nonfiction geek, and the two of you swap books all the time! He trusts you to take care of his things and knows you’ll treat his books with respect and carefulness. You also both study together a lot! He helps you with your studies. He used to be a maths professor, after all. Overall, the two of you just make such a cute match, and he loves you a whole lot!

[shinjaeha]

so i KEEP thinking about itsay and i just need to rant (to nobody) about how perfectly teh and oh-aew balance one another out. teh’s def the more impulsive of the two...he’s so reactive. as soon as he sees oh-aew’s done something to (unintentionally) offend him in some way, he needs to do something back. it’s the pettiness of it for me, but it’s also makes him so wonderfully interesting as a character bc everything he feels is so real?? that feeling of being jealous that your friend is spending more time with other people?? or that they’ve told a secret to everyone else when you thought it was just supposed to be something between the both of you?? it’s so damn realistic. i feel like everyone’s had those fleeting moments of jealousy and possessiveness over a friend, where you just can’t HELP it. i think most of us don’t really let it take over us, but the feeling itself is just so true to life (and something i have 100% experienced). of course, there’s a hidden element in teh’s case bc he’s got romantic feelings for oh-aew (which he hasn’t quite fully realised yet), but even on a friendship level those feelings of jealousy and possessiveness are just so incredibly normal and relatable.

so every time teh does something petty...like trying to take an ig pic just like oh-aew’s, or giving him the silent treatment for oh-aew telling the gang that he’s a virgin, or the silent treatment again/making everyone flash cards bc of bas tutoring him...while it makes me want to grab him by the arms and shake some sense into him, it’s ALSO something i can understand. i can understand being taken by those impulses and wanting to act petty bc i’m mad at someone. it’s so human. it’s so real. what i absolutely love about teh though is that even though he has these bursts of pettiness, he does try to talk to oh-aew about how he feels (he’s just also understandably very confused by all his feelings atm). it made me so happy when he told oh-aew about how he didn’t feel special after oh-aew told the gang his secret. and happier still when he went to the boat to try to talk to oh-aew (even though he wasn’t able to start the conversation) bc he at least knew there was something he needed to say to oh-aew, and it was clearly taking a lot for him to even go there and take the first step in the first place (his fault or otherwise).

and what makes oh-aew such a great counter balance to teh is that he seems to be the exact opposite of teh. he’s more cautious and careful about things. def nowhere near the same level of impulsive that teh is. you can see it in how he chooses not to pursue bas as opposed to how teh pursues tarn. tbh if teh wasn’t trying to help oh-aew and bas to succeed, he’d prob never do anything about it. he’d just let it go and move on once they graduated. it’s bc of how oh-aew is so much more level headed that he starts the conversation with teh. that he can sit down and try to understand WHY teh might be treating him the way he’s being treated. if he were as hot-headed as teh is, he might just leave yet again and end things the way they did as children. but he’s older now and he’s willing to listen, but also reprimand teh for not properly communicating how he feels bc oh-aew can’t read his mind!! how is oh-aew ever supposed to know how teh’s feeling if he’s just going to give him the silent treatment instead of tell him.

the scene on the boat where they talked to one another was so, so beautiful. i love that they have their misunderstandings, but they KNOW what happened that first time they let the misunderstanding fester...how the both of them were too stubborn to start the conversation, and because of that lost touch, and now they’re both trying what they can to make sure that they actually TALK to one another. even if they still have their moments of anger bc of all these new feelings. they know what miscommunication did to their relationship the first time and are not gonna let history repeat itself.

i also just think it’s so beautiful how you can see how their personalities are still so similar to when they were kids. the way teh’s impulsiveness/idealism is there from the start...in the way he watches that chinese show on tv and immediately proclaims that he wants to be an actor. in the way he focuses wholeheartedly on getting into his communications major with no other backups. in the way he’s constantly pursuing tarn even though she’s told him that they can only be official after their studies are done.

compare that to the more cautious/pragmatic oh-aew who doesn’t know what he wants to be until after he does the play before deciding he wants to become an actor too. who is thinking about changing some of his choices to business administration as a backup in case he doesn’t get into communications and has to takeover managing the resort from his parents. who doesn’t even want to try to win over bas when he already thinks it’s a hopeless cause. they’re like yin and yang.

anyway, those are just some of the thoughts i felt like i had to get out of me bc they were tangling up my insides and i STILL have to wait another almost week for the next ep and i can’t stop thinking about this show!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the writing and the way they’ve tied things together so far have been top notch. i esp love the way they’ve written tarn bc !!!!!!!!!!!! we know that she’s going to be the one that teh leaves for oh-aew, but female love interests in BLs are hardly ever written well (they’re either evil or have no real personality and only serve as a plot point for the male lead to get over). just the fact that tarn already has a personality outside of teh?? that she has her own ambitions and drive?? that SHE was the one that made the move to kiss him when teh drew back from almost kissing her?? god, i just hope that they don’t mess that up and she comes out of this okay.

acting has also been phenomenal. bkpp have been absolutely killing it since the first ep (including the child actors!!). every scene between the both of them makes my heart ache, even when they’re being playful bc i’m so scared for where that’s going to take us all. their chemistry is just *chef’s kiss*. THE SCENE ON THE BOAT. my god, you could cut the tension with a knife it was so intense. so suffocating. the way i held my breath during that whole scene bc of just how well crafted everything was, and how it felt like that was somehow a tipping point for the both of them, slowly inching their way into realising that their feelings for one another might not just be quite so platonic after all. basically, i just know that everything after boat scene is gonna hit different in some way.

[chrisevansgoodgirl]

it isn’t that hard to like you or love you. i’d follow you down, down, down

summary: ransom’s an insecure bitch TM and there’s no character development happening here. (mostly before that other ransom thing I wrote, but a small peak after bc i couldn’t resist)

warnings: sex toys. a lot. and a lot of sex. and you know, ransom always entails some weird, rough shit, so.

word count: a little over 10,300

pairing: ransom drysdale x reader

It had been years since you’d felt something inside you other than Ransom*.  (x)

*Seriously. Years.

Your relationship with Ransom didn’t have the purest start. The ski-lodge was something both of your families looked at as a restart for the year, almost a form of damage control. He needed to stop partying so much and you needed to settle down. His group included his parents, Joni, Meg, Walt, Donna, and Jacob. He told you later that they never invited Harlan because this was usually their time to get wasted and say terrible things about him.

Your group was your mother, father, his two sisters, their husbands, a few of their children, and your boyfriend, Jeremy Vanderbilt. You hadn’t invited him, however, that was your father’s doing. Why? Because he was smart. He was a businessman. And Jeremy was nowhere near as attractive as you—at least, that was what you heard Dad tell Mom one night—so, there was no chance of him leaving you for someone else.

You’d confided to your father that the relationship wasn’t going well. You’d met Jeremy in high school and yes, you’d recognized that he wasn’t the most attractive man, but he was sweet, and you just got along with him. As time went on and you discovered he had absolutely no ambition, you worried that you were just going to be stuck with a sad replica of your parents’ life.

Eventually, your father would give him a job at the family company—a position that should be yours but never would be, never mind that, though. You would be a model up until he got you pregnant, the absolute last thing you wanted right now, and then you’d spend the rest of your life bitter and unsatisfied, tolerance would soon turn to resentment and you’d probably kill him one Christmas Eve with an axe. You wanted more, you wanted exciting.

Ransom was…in a way, exciting. Though the first week you’d been made aware of his unfortunate existence, you tried to avoid him like the plague. It started when your families were checking in, which happened to occur at the same time--something you often thought about because if it had just happened at a completely different time, you might have never met the Thrombeys. You might have never met Ransom. Now, you weren't sure you believed in soul mates or anything like that, but it always just kind of seemed like fate to you.

You were trying to get out of the lobby as fast as possible, just retire to your room because the trip up there was nothing short of sickening. Mindlessly, you’d walked into Ransom and because you were an actual person, began apologizing. Since he was just a beast, not a person, he was a total dick about it.

Whatever, you had encountered that a lot. People with money were often the worst. It didn’t bother you all that much. By the time you were in your room, soaking in a bath, you had completely erased it from your mind.

You didn’t see him again until three nights later when you pretended you needed to take a call outside to duck out of a dreadful dinner. Meg was there and she was in desperate need of something to smoke, which you happened to have on you. She was nice, telling you about how she intended to start college in January after spending two years on a break to try to figure out what she wanted to do.

When Ransom appeared, he was radiating arrogance. And heavy intoxication. He instantly started in on Meg, making every comment he could think of to get under her skin. Maybe it was that you guys had been out there smoking for nearly half an hour that diffused her anger, but she refused to engage and returned inside.

At that point, he had nothing to focus on but you. He’d asked for your name and you told him to fuck off. From that moment, Ransom showed an interest in you that you simply did not understand.

You refused to play his games for a while. You liked Meg, she was nice, unlike the rest of the family. And Ransom constantly tried to antagonize her. But see, your family and his family were the only obscenely rich families there at the moment. Most people were likely in Colorado, unfortunately, your moronic father insisted on Utah. Linda was an elitist, and well, you guys were all officially best friends.

It started with joint dinners, then breakfasts, then it was every god damn meal of the day. Your mother, Linda, and Joni needed to get away from their husbands constantly. Richard, your father, one of your mother's sisters, and Walt liked cigars and card games and would disappear anywhere they could to play out some pathetic knock-off casino scene. Meg loved the children and didn't mind babysitting, something you helped with when you could. Oh, and Ransom had taken quite an interest in Jeremy.

He hadn't really been around much at the start. You'd heard he was making his way through the female staff anyway, just trying to cause as much drama as he possibly could. No one in the Thrombey family seemed surprised and they didn't comment on it at all. Your family had the decency to wait until you were all in your rooms and could gossip about it behind their backs.

But then he did start showing up. Whenever Jeremy would hug you, kiss you, or just try to touch you in any unnecessary way, Ransom would give you this knowing look. That was around the time you started trying to pull away but that was only annoying Jeremy and sometimes Ransom would find you alone and you had no excuse to leave. You would have to admit that you were scared to be alone with him. You would have to admit why.

He was gorgeous, that was why. And dangerous and had clearly never heard the word 'no' before. You wanted to be the one to introduce him to the concept but you doubted your ability to tell him no.

One night, when Jeremy came to bed drunk and very handsy, you ended up screaming at each other. He was a drunk idiot with impaired judgment so you were the one that left the scene. It was stupid, but you decided to look for Ransom. Maybe you had wanted to tell him to stop getting your boyfriend drunk or maybe you just knew you had an alibi for not returning to your room that night. Not like Jeremy would be awake any time soon anyway.

Nothing happened, not really, you made it very clear that you were still with your boyfriend. But Ransom knew how to get all the information about your life that he wanted. Surprisingly, at some point, he started telling you some things back. He hated his family and you hated yours.

Perfect match.

Now, you guys would sit next to each other at those family breakfasts and dinners and whisper condescending things about everyone, Jeremy included. One thing you noticed, Ransom was a lot nicer to Meg and you figured it was because he knew it made you uncomfortable. In fact, Joni and Meg were the only people at the whole table who you could tolerate for more than two hours. Jeremy was starting to notice your new friendship, but what was he going to do about it?

One night, which would turn out being your last night at the lodge, Ransom showed up at nearly three in the morning. You'd figured he was with your boyfriend as you were alone, but he showed up solo.

You were hardly in anything, it was late, late enough that you wanted to hit him for being there—however, manners, you assumed, were foreign to him.

Amid a snarky comment you could no longer remember, he just moved forward and kissed you. You shoved at him, walking backward until you were forced to stop at the entertainment center in the main living room. He grabbed your face, holding you there, making it impossible to pull away from him. It was then that you sort of just crumbled, you wrapped your arms around his neck, a cue for him to pick you up.

He did, grabbing one thigh at a time and hauling your body up so your exposed cunt brushed against the stupid sweater he was wearing. He set you atop the entertainment center and you dropped your hands to his pants, yanking them out of your way. His hand found your center and he groaned when he felt how wet you were.

"Damn, is that all for me?"

You snorted. "I was fucking my fingers when you rudely interrupted."

He grabbed your jaw, locking his eyes with yours. "You’re going to show me that before I leave."

Without patience, he used one of his hands to shove yours away and pulled himself out of his pants. 

You were going to turn down but he used his hold on your jaw. "Just keep looking at me, baby."

You felt his tip against your skin, he began to run it through your slit, just barely brushing your clit every now and then. "Ransom, please—"

He slipped in just barely and you gasped. The head of his cock alone was a stretch you’d never quite felt.

You eagerly spread your legs further. "Keep going."

He slid in just a little more, groaning. "Fuck, you are tight."

And he was huge, but you could not tell a guy like Ransom that. He made you keep looking at him as he continued giving you more of his cock. His eyes showed pleasure, amusement, and definitely mischief. He wanted you surprised, it was why he didn’t let you look. You thought several times that you truly couldn't take any more of him but you knew that letting him know that would just get you that smug smirk, so you kept your mouth shut.

He gave you all the time you needed to adjust to him. He kissed you until you were the one bucking your hips and squirming. Then he fucked you hard and rough, and it was disgusting. He used you like you were a doll, whispering filthy things in your ear and sometimes making you say some back. He pulled your hair and choked you.

When you could hardly keep holding on to him, he decided it was time to go. He scooped you up and carried you to your bed, and didn’t cover your body or clean his cum off of you because he wanted Jeremy to find you.

Which he did, and by the time you woke up the next morning, everyone was packing. Jeremy had told your family about it and everyone knew immediately that it was Ransom. Your parents were furious, your aunts were entertained, and Jeremy was heartbroken. You’d never been a cheater so you had no idea what the hell to say to him. It didn’t seem like he’d wanted you to try anyway so you just shut up while everyone around you moved to get out of here quickly.

When your mother and her sisters went to lunch, you decided to head down to one of the many coffee shops. You took your youngest niece with you because she couldn’t help pack and you hardly wanted to be alone. With some coloring books and a wide collection of colored pencils, you guys settled in.

She was telling you all about her favorite tv show as you sipped on a latte. You’d order her a hot chocolate that she’d already downed like the demon she was. 

As you looked up to ask a server for another hot chocolate, you spotted Meg. She waved at you and you were just hit with this terrible idea. You told your niece to stay at the table and you would return with more hot chocolate. After a little small talk with Meg, and a dismissive hello from Linda, you’d asked if you could borrow Meg's phone. Per your lie, your boyfriend was supposed to meet you and your niece but had yet to show and you’re phone had died.

You slipped outside and searched for Ransom’s number. Thankfully, even though she clearly hated him, she had it. You pretended to make the call and then headed back inside. You returned to your table with some hot chocolate and sat back down to color again. Everything was normal, you had not made any irreversible mistakes as of yet.

Emphasis on yet, however. When you guys returned up to the room, Jeremy was on the phone trying to get a separate flight from the rest of you. As soon as he’d seen you, he headed out onto the balcony and slammed the door shut behind him. Good.

You disappeared into your bedroom, he wouldn’t dare step in there. You slipped into a cream-colored lacy bodysuit that actually covered nothing and hopped onto your mattress. You took several videos and faked even more orgasms, your only concern was that the videos looked good. Ransom had said he was going to watch you touch yourself before he’d left. Maybe he’d forgotten, but you didn’t exactly want him to.

You weren’t sure you had a winner but you had to stop when your father banged on your door and gruffly told you it was time to leave. Later, when you located your favorite video, you sent it. No name or explanation. You just included: you’re welcome. Blocking your number, by the way. Xoxo

Three days later, once you were home and back in your apartment, just trying to work and avoid the embarrassment of all your friends knowing you’d cheated on your boyfriend, there was a knock on your door. No one knew where you lived, it was a small, cozy place not meant for anyone but you.

Opening the door, you were not expecting to see Ransom there. "You didn't say goodbye."

You snorted. "I would have assumed you would be used to getting fucked and then forgotten about."

He smirked before glancing around. His expression soon showed his distaste. "Are you poor or something?"

"It’s meant to keep away the rich."

"You know, I woulda called..."

But you’d blocked him. "Some would take that to mean that I just didn’t want you to come at all."

"Well, I don’t much care about what other people want."

You’d been living together a month when he had located one of your toys. You thought he’d be excited to bring something in for just a little extra when you two were fucking. Nope, you were very wrong.

He was irritated beyond comprehension. He took your favorite shower toy—the one with a suction cup—stuck it on a kitchen chair and made you sit on it. For hours. Not allowed to move or touch yourself. All while he told you what he would do to you. You know, if you were a good girl. Which, according to him, you were very much not.

He’d then proceeded not to fuck you for a week. Seven motherfucking days. Despite your best attempts. Joining him in the shower. Blowing him in the Beamer. Sending pictures. Leaving voicemails begging him to let you feel him inside of you. Not a thing could crack his resolve.

Well, except you pouting about it on that 7th day. It was Christmas. You were watching Cartoon Network, waiting for the bests. Thinking back, you were sure it was in addition to the stress he felt over having to deal with his family. But whatever, he’d still fucked you and you’d still been three hours late to the annual Christmas party. 

He’d proudly told everyone it was because your cunt was the only present he’d wanted and didn’t care when you nearly choked on your wine because of it. Donna tried to throw a chair at him afterward, imploring him to consider the children present. Not that Jacob had even heard, as he was too busy on Twitter. He did live stream the fight, though, claimed it got turned into a meme.

Even though Ransom didn’t tell you why you weren’t a “good girl”, you’d figured it was his insane pride. Ransom would be the kind of guy to freak out over their girlfriend fucking anything else, even inanimate objects. You didn’t get rid of the rest of your toys, you just tried to hide them better. 

So, the ones you thought you couldn’t part with were placed in your suitcases because you knew he wouldn’t find them. He had quickly come to terms with your extensive collection. You loved airports and loved being photographed at them, that meant suitcases were of the utmost importance to you. They lined the walls of your closet, the one he had added to his house for you when you moved in—because the idea of you two being able to share a closet was hilarious. He had twice as many sweaters as you and you had more dresses than he had scarves. In short, you guys weren’t interested in sharing closets. A house, a bed, sure. But trying to fit into a single closet probably would have ended your relationship.

Speaking of ending the relationship. You’d walked in, dozens of shopping bags in hand, finding him sitting at the table with your favorite vibrator just inches away from his coffee mug. You’d wanted to know why exactly he was in your closet in the first place! It was your closet, your suitcase! He had no right!

It took a total of three seconds before you were screaming at him. And about ten seconds for him to start screaming back. You were both fans of angry fucking, which was the only reason he’d fucked you then. Bags and new clothing was strewn all around, a chair on its side because he stood up to intimidate you, and you decided to try to kick the chair at him. He pushed it over and then shoved you against the wall.

A blink of an eye later, he had your skirt pushed up and your underwear pulled out of his way. He indelicately thrust into you until you were so, so, so fucking close. But he’d just kept saying wait for me, baby. Just wait a little longer. I want to feel it together. And you being stupid, believed him. You were just about to slip, despite your sheer desperation to experience the pretty picture he was painting, when he pulled out. He stroked himself several times, leaned over to bite down on your shoulder, and then he spilled out onto your skirt, your thighs, and the fucking floor.

He kissed your shoulder, then turned, tucked his cock back in his pants, and left. Oh, but not before he grabbed the vibrator. You didn’t speak to him for eleven days and he didn’t seem to care too much.

This was at the same time your parents were doubling down on their efforts to make you leave him. They constantly introduced you to their friends’ children, men your age who were kind, smart, and a lot less spoiled and entitled than Ransom. 

Honestly, that tenth night that you’d fallen asleep alone, you actually considered listening to them. He must have known something was up that morning, because he did actually know you and care about your feelings even if he didn’t act like it. You hadn’t said or done anything differently, you just took your coffee and left for another brunch with your parents.

When you returned to the house, he wasn’t in the living room. That was where he’d been most days, just reading the newspaper and pointedly being okay with your silent treatment. You briefly thought that if he wasn’t there, then it wouldn’t be so hard to pack a few bags. Maybe if he was going to be gone for a few hours, you could get a few great professionals to pack up your closet before he even knew what you were planning.

But then he called your name from the kitchen. You went if only because you were curious. He handed you a diamond necklace, said he was sorry for ruining your skirt. You were utterly speechless. Your skirt? He was apologizing about your skirt?!

You took the necklace but didn’t say a word to him. That night, he’d come home later than you would have wanted, but at least it wasn’t 3 am. He didn’t try to speak first, didn’t look for your permission. He just climbed into bed and pulled you into his chest.

The following time was more than just wounded pride. Okay, it was all wounded pride, but it was on a severe, personal level. Your parents were still trying and you had to tell Ransom. Why? Because one of his female friends that he used to fuck told him that you were out with Maximus Brandt, a “mutual friend” of just about everyone, even though, in reality, no one could stand him. You included. And well, he and Ransom... you didn’t have the time to explain their level of hate for one another.

Ransom was furious at first, then you explained the situation. He didn’t stop being furious, oh no. He instead just changed his reason for being furious. But he claimed he didn’t care. He claimed that he knew he had nothing to worry about and you told him that he was right, you wanted to be with him. You thought that was the end of the issue.

Nope, the following day, while you were at work, Ransom texted you four times.

How many god damn vibrators can a person have? 

You hadn’t read it when he first sent it, you didn’t have your phone on you. You were just there for a photoshoot, hopefully, a smooth one. Work hadn’t been great as of late, not so much because of Ransom... it was just that you knew he was insecure. He was never going to admit it, but he was terrified of losing you to someone else. Lately, he’d seen you with other people, people who—per his insane, deranged mind—stared at you affectionately and touched you too comfortably. You weren’t complaining, not exactly. See, because, in his attempt to hide his emotions, he fucked you. A lot. Hard. Always with a hand around your throat, edging you until you finally said that you were his.

You liked those moments. Hell, you even liked afterward when he would either silently hold you on top of him, head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat or when he would set you on his side and play with your hair as he answered the questions you asked about his day. Commonly, it was family drama and he would get so angry and worked up a second time that he would fuck you again. Maybe even again after that. But you didn’t actually like the idea of making him feel like you weren’t completely committed to him.

So, you wanted to get in and get out. Maybe make dinner with Ransom, you planned to wear a tiny dress and tease him the whole time. You occupied your mind wondering where he would break. Inside the fancy restaurant? It wouldn’t be the first time. He loved fingering you at dinner with his family because of course, he was just that kind of asshole. Though...you were the one who hardly ever wore underwear... or maybe outside? He’d fucked you against many buildings, in several alleyways throughout your relationship.

His second text read: now I’ve found your plugs, that’s great. 

And the third: tell me where all of these things are. I’m getting rid of them. 

You didn’t even glance at your phone until your Uber was taking you home. It was like watching a murder, and by the time the fourth text came in, you were livid.

Fine, don’t tell me. I guess I’ll just have to find them.

You called him 27 times. He didn’t pick up once. You stormed into the house, straight up to your room. There was clothing everywhere, bras, panties, and corsets because he went through the dressers first. And okay, there were a few in there. The travel toys you’d gathered over the years, the vibrating bar necklace your best friend got you last year. They laid on the bed with the easier to find toys, the bigger toys, but also with that discrete lipstick vibrator that you’d hidden away in your makeup box.

He really had gone through most of your shit. "Ransom!"

"Closet," he growled.

You stormed in, shrieking incoherently when you saw your suitcases thrown everywhere. They were all opened, laying on either the floor or one another. Expensive bags were being treated like they were nothing, expensive bags that you had worked to afford.

"I’ve found 19," he informed, not bothering to turn back to you. He was moving to your jewelry box now and would be finding more. "Why don’t you just be helpful and tell me where they all are?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

He didn’t respond.

"This is my closet, Ransom! This is my stuff, you have no right to be in my stuff!"

He finally faced you, eyes narrowed. "This is my house!"

You slapped him. So hard your hand was stinging sharply long after. And ran away like a child throwing a temper tantrum. It took him a moment, but he was soon chasing after you. You practically dove into the guest room before he could reach you. He wouldn’t hit you, never, but he would force you to apologize to him and you weren’t ready to do that yet.

It was definitely not your finest moment, but you just needed to cool down, think about things, plot how you wanted to proceed. You realized, alone in that room with too much time on your hands that this called for true revenge.

He couldn’t just go through your things. This wasn’t his house anymore. It had been, but then he asked you to move in. This was your shared house, just as much yours as it was his. He was not allowed to just go through your possessions. He had no respect for you or your belongings, and this wasn’t going to go unpunished.

You used two days to lure him into a calm, trusting place. He probably thought this was the worst of it: the silent treatment. You would only leave the room if he was gone and made sure to leave obvious signs about it. You wanted him to know that he wasn't preventing you from living in your house. You did, however, refuse to step foot in your shared bedroom.

On the third morning, you found an outfit in the laundry room and went shopping. The terrified look on his face when he saw how many bags you were holding was exactly what you wanted to see. He knew now that you were serious about this. But no apologies were made. Actually, he said you were acting like a brat, then left to hang out with his friends.

Brat? Not yet.

You moved freely for a couple of hours. He’d cleaned the bedroom, made sure your closet was spotless like it had been before he destroyed it—but it was simply too late. You happily stayed in the living room until you heard his car pulling into the driveway, then you dashed to the room to begin. He may have taken all your toys, but he couldn’t stop you from buying more.

You stripped naked and hopped on the bed. Little prep was needed, you’d been wet since you made the almost $500 purchase at the sex shop earlier, thinking about how angry you were going to make Ransom.

You started with a small vibrating plug and let yourself get used to that first. You could hear him moving about the house, slowly, cautiously, trying to see if your revenge was going to be easily spotted. Next, a simple, but larger vibrator that took you a moment to adjust around. You made the mental note to let him know the size—he would be livid. And finally, a vibrator for your clit.

When he knocked on the door, you were well on your way to your first orgasm. You remained as silent as you possibly could for a moment, eager for him to hear the vibrating. Then you tossed your head back and let out a moan. "Oh, fuck!"

"What...what do you think you are doing?" he demanded.

"Well," you sighed, "right now, I have a vibrator on my clit. 10 speed settings...I’m only on the third and I’m already so close."

"Y/N," he warned, "I swear—"

"And one in my pussy," you informed. “It’s so big... I wasn’t sure it was going to fit at first."

"Well, considering my cock fits, I think most things would. You know a fucking toy doesn’t compare to me."

"And a plug." You weren’t going to argue with him. "This one vibrates too. It feels so fucking good."

"Enough, open the damn door."

You turned off the vibrator inside you and pulled it out. "Can you hear how wet I am?" Slowly, you pressed it back in. You watched the toy sink into your pussy and immediately realized something. Maybe Ransom would like to watch as well... You set aside the vibrator that was pressed to your clit and grabbed your phone.

You began fucking yourself with the toy, biting your lip to keep your noises down. You knew Ransom wanted to leave but the loud, wet sounds from your pussy kept him at the door. Even when you couldn’t hear him, you just knew. He wouldn’t leave until he heard you finish.

You turned on the vibration once more and left it, picking up the other once more. You gasped when you settled it back to your clit. You were close, you knew it would just take a moment. You kept the camera aimed where you were working, no longer trying to stifle your moans and whimpers. You knew he was going to hate the sounds you were making because you weren’t saying his name with them.

"Baby?" you called out.

"You are in so much trouble," he asserted. "If you stop now, I might let you finish."

"If I don’t?"

"I swear I won’t make you come for a month."

"Clearly, I don’t need you." Okay, you were bluffing. An entire month not finishing on his cock? That did concern you, but you knew he was also bluffing.

"Open this door. Now."

"Just a second," you breathed. Your finish followed your words almost immediately. "Fuck! Oh, god, Ransom... I think these toys might be as good as you."

The door whipped open, a deafening crack filling the room. Turning your head, you found Ransom standing there, eyes wide and jaw set. He had never looked this angry.

Your mouth dropped when you saw the damage to the doorframe, you would have to call someone out there to fix it. Soon. Because you weren’t sleeping with him. Not unless he apologized and made it up to you. In diamonds and maybe a new car. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! You just kicked in the door, like, you're fucking ridiculous."

He stormed over to you, yanking the toy from your hand and tossing it on the bed. He pulled the second one from your clenching center, free hand gripping your thigh hard when he noticed how difficult it was to pull free from your tight pussy—god, he was going to miss that because no way in hell was he going to fuck you after this behavior. Finally, he pulled your plug out and you whimpered.

He glared at you.

Smirking, you held your phone out. "Watch the video I made for you, baby."

He tore it from your hand and did just that. He was already hard, you could see the bulge in his pants.

Sitting up, you reached out for him.

He slapped at your hand. "Don’t touch me."

"Fine." You laid back down, dipping your fingers into your folds.

He quickly noticed what you were doing, taking your wrist in his hand and holding it. "Stop."

You snorted, rolling your eyes.

He watched the entire thing and you knew his control was slipping, his fingers were digging into your skin—you couldn’t wait to see the bruises.

He threw your phone on the bed and turned back to you. "What the hell am I going to do with you?"

"You’ve never fucked my ass, you know that?"

His eyebrows pulled together. "You never asked."

"Wanna do it now?" You pulled your wrist away from him and rolled over, pushing your hips back to offer your ass up to him. "You can..."

"If?"

"If you apologize."

You were startled by his hand whipping across your ass. You rolled back over to face him, eyes wide. "What the fuck?!"

He grabbed your left calf and caught your right foot when you tried to kick him.

"Did you just spank me?!"

"You were acting like a brat." He yanked you down close to the edge of the bed and before you could say a word, his lips were against yours.

You had started to push him away by the shoulders but when he shoved his tongue into your mouth, you started pulling him back in. Your fingers tugged at his shirt, tangled in his hair and pulled, touched his jaw and cheekbones.

You guys didn’t make out often, the kisses were brief because Ransom was impatient and sometimes just needed to fuck you. 

He began to lay his body onto yours. You instantly wrapped your legs around him, grinding your bare pussy against his pants. He grabbed a handful of hair and tore your head back. His lips and teeth were all over your neck, moving down to your breasts.

"Ransom." Your hands found the button of his pants and you tore them open. "Fuck me."

He pulled away completely, leaving you on the bed as he re-buttoned his pants. "No."

You scoffed. "No?"

"No," he repeated. He hurriedly grabbed the toys on the bed before you could and left.

"So, you’ll take care of yourself?" you called out. "I could just use my mouth."

You heard his steps stutter, then he continued stomping away. Well, you hadn’t anticipated this turn of events, but you weren’t overly concerned. If you needed, you had fingers. If you were really desperate, you had a shower with a detachable showerhead.

For almost three weeks, Ransom would not let anyone enter the house to fix the door.

 Meaning for those three weeks, he would also sneak into bed with you. His mouth and fingers touched your pussy until you woke up. Then he would stop and just lay down next to you, refusing to let you sleep any place other than locked in his arms and against his chest.

You were furious but all of that was going to have to be placed on hold. Oddly, as much as you two fought, it never really coincided with your period. Though, you had a theory about why that was.

Ransom, control freak, had to know what was going on with your body at all times. Initially, you didn’t know what to make of it. It was always a toss-up with these rich, white men—were they going to be insanely immature about something as small as a period? Much to your surprise, not Ransom.

When you weren’t living together, he would always text you to make sure you were doing okay. If you weren’t, he would bring you food and something very expensive. When you were living together, it was impossible for him not to notice the more worrisome symptoms—the cramps, the headaches. The first two days were really the worst, you generally avoided leaving the house at the start.

That morning, Ransom found you in bed, curled up in a ball with your hand pressed to your forehead. As if that was going to ease the insane amount of pressure you felt behind your eyes. Thing was, you were supposed to be at work. That was one of the better things about only working for friends and trusted associates—they never thought you were calling in simply because you were hungover or something else even more unprofessional that was often associated with models.

"Thought you had a shoot today," he said.

"I had to cancel."

"Why?"

You didn’t answer. Shouldn’t he know by now? You really wouldn’t be surprised if he had a calendar marked with the expected dates.

"Oh."

But then, you guys had been fighting for how long? He probably missed it.

Those first few times he witnessed the cramps, he was actually immensely nurturing. It wasn’t like he had any responsibilities, so he sat with you in bed and let you lay on him, your back to his chest. He would place his hands on you and they were always so warm, you would just melt into him.

That soon changed. You had been in bed together one morning, it seemed just like any other time. But noon came and he told you to get out of bed and into the shower. You thought you were dying, you sure as hell couldn’t shower. But he would not accept that answer.

You weren’t sure why until he had the front of your body pressed to the tile wall, his hands on your hips as he fucked you so. So. So. Fucking. Slow. And after, he grabbed a few towels, set them over the bed, and laid you down to continue. You were confused and let him know, and all he said was that he’d read it would help with the cramps and the headache.

It had helped, but you figured it was a distraction more than anything. After that, it was just routine. Not that you didn’t have sex with him most nights, but he insisted on, every night of your period, fucking you until you were nearly unconscious. Those were the only nights he was gentle.

He sat down next to you, fingers brushing over your shoulder.

You recoiled from his touch. "Go away."

"Come on, baby, you know I can’t just leave you in pain like this." You heard him start to undress but made no moves to do the same. When he laid down next to you, he tried to urge you onto your back with a hand pulling on your shoulder.

"Ransom, stop. I’m not kidding."

He sighed, leaning over to kiss your face. "Let me help."

"You can help by leaving."

His warmth and the blanket you were curled up in lessened your resolve by a lot. He found it much easier to pull your shoulder away from your face, which he took full advantage of and began kissing over all of the skin he could reach.

"Ransom," you whined, trying to roll further away from him. He held you back by a hand on your hip.

"Shut up." Over the blanket, his hand slid up your stomach to your breast.

You hated that you moaned. Your brain knew you would regret this, but your body wanted nothing more than to give in to him. It was Ransom, after all, he was a complete tool sometimes but he always knew how to touch you.

He pulled the blanket down your body until he got to the hem of your sleep bottoms.

"Ransom, stop," you scolded. "I don’t want to ruin the sheets."

"Doesn’t matter, you won’t be sleeping in here anymore."

You turned your head back, catching his hand in yours. "Excuse me?"

"I said you’re done sleeping in here," he repeated. "You’ll be sleeping in our bed again."

"No, actually, I won’t."

He pulled his hand away from you and yanked the blanket away.

"Ransom!" You attempted to start sitting up but he pulled you back down by the shoulder.

Next, he worked on getting your underwear out of his way. There was nothing hot about this—you were wearing a pad because you didn’t want to have to get out of bed for a while and you were probably bleeding heavily. How could he be turned on at all?

He crawled down the mattress until he had your lower half completely free of clothing. He was only wearing his boxers now, the proof of his arousal the only thing you could focus on. You hated this, really, you did...but you knew how good he was about to make you feel...this wasn’t the worst way to deal with your period.

He didn’t want to give you the chance to argue so he quickly returned back to his spot at your back. His large hand pulled at the inside of your thigh, guiding your leg over his hips.

You tried not to want this, not to want him, but you were weak. He wasn’t all bad, you supposed. There was that time he took you to Paris for your birthday, the first one you shared with him. There was that time your parents were sick and had guilted you into taking care of them and the house while they couldn’t, and Ransom had shown up to help—forget all the snark and attitude he received from both you and your parents. And even though you were a completely functioning adult who could do anything for yourself and your career, Ransom was practically your bodyguard. Modeling was hard sometimes. People touched you, they looked at you. And you could always tell when it wasn’t appropriate. Ransom never blamed you, never told you that you’d done something to encourage it. He was unlike past partners in that way.

As he shoved his boxers down, you turned your head back to him.

"What? You okay, you need something?"

You leaned toward him further, paying no mind to the discomfort in your side at the odd angle you were turning yourself. "Just you."

He arched an eyebrow.

You set your hand to his face, fingers gliding along his cheek, under his eye, over his forehead. Why was he so beautiful? Who decided that this man should be given a face like this?

"You sure you’re okay?" he wondered, arm sliding over your waist to pull you in closer.

"My parents think that being with you is a bad decision. That's why they're doing all this shit."

"Yeah, they’re probably right about that."

You shook your head. "You take care of me."

He shrugged a shoulder. "We take care of each other. Now, are you done being sappy? I’d like to fuck you."

You huffed. "Well, that was a rare sweet moment. Thanks for ruining it."

He smiled. "Any time, baby."

Your breath caught when you felt him at your entrance. There was something different about fucking on your period. Maybe it was that you didn’t need the hour of foreplay to be able to take Ransom’s cock semi-comfortably. Or maybe it was just the misplaced intimacy of the whole ordeal. You didn’t hate it, hell, part of you was completely addicted to it.

But why would you ever tell him that? His eyes sparkled like they knew it anyway. Still, he would never have the satisfaction of hearing it.

He took your jaw in his hand, eyes locked on yours as he buried himself inside you.

"Ransom," you gasped. You grabbed his forearm, turning forward to lay your face on the pillow.

He thrust into you at a slow and steady pace. Certainly, he’d fucked you better before, but while you were so sensitive, it was just enough. His hand wound in your hair and he shoved your face down.

You moaned into the pillow as your orgasm built. You ran out of breath quickly and since he had you pinned down, you couldn’t breathe. You began thrashing against him, arms grabbing whatever part of him you could, you locked your leg around him tight so you wouldn’t be able to pull away, and you started to roll your hips back.

“Shit, baby,” he grunted. “Like it when I hold you down?”

You blurted out a response even though you knew he wouldn’t understand. You blamed the thoughtless action on the lack of air you were getting. It was almost thrilling to see where you’d get first, would you finish or would you faint? Would he even care? Would he just keep fucking you? The idea of being used like that did not turn you off as much as you wanted it to.

He did not let you up until you had come and he had gently fucked you through it. You lifted your face from the pillow, greedily taking in oxygen. He moved harder and faster for himself, but just slightly. His hand found your neck and he pulled you closer to him.

You had yet to completely catch your breath but you happily sunk unto his hold, placing one of your hands over his and digging your nails into his skin. He was wrapped around you, warm, maybe somewhat suffocating. This kind of sex was always like this, just toeing that fine line of overwhelming.

His hips stuttered as he turned his face into the bend of your neck. Several more times and he was spilling inside you, body still and cock as deep as you could take it.

He remained inside you as he slowly released your neck and began kissing over the skin there, anything to keep you as full of him as possible. He brushed his hands through your hair and whispered in your ear until he came down from his high.

You both just laid there for a moment, tired and thinking. It was clear he wanted to speak and you were now willing to listen, which were rare states for both of you, even rarer when it occurred simultaneously.

"You’ve been spending a lot of time with your parents lately."

He wanted to talk about your parents? Right now? After that? "They just got back from Scotland."

"Mhm." He leaned over to kiss you for a moment, just a soft press of his lips that was so unlike how he usually kissed you. "But usually, you invite me."

"You never want to go."

"But you always ask."

"I mean, we’ve been fighting, Ransom."

"Or maybe you’re considering other options."

You scoffed. "I’m not doing that, Ransom."

"Well, it’d be stupid if you were. You know no one can fuck you like I can."

You rolled your eyes. "Can you fuck me again? Can you shut up and just fuck me?"

"I understand where they’re coming from, why they don’t like me."

"Ransom," you groaned, shoving his hand away and turning back to the wall.

His fingers began tracing random patterns over your skin. "They think I can’t take care of their little girl, they’re just concerned."

"You know what? Your parents don’t like me either."

"My parents aren’t throwing other women at me—"

"That I know of—"

"No, don’t even try to turn this around. You were on a date with Max—"

"I was not! It was not a date." Only you two. Honestly, only you two would decide to start an argument while he was inside you.

"Megan told me what she saw—"

"And was that after or before you fucked her?"

"Don’t," he warned. "I have been committed to you since the day I met you."

You snorted. "The day you met me? Please. I’m done with this." You began sliding your leg back over but he grabbed your thigh and pulled it back.

He reached forward then, locking his arm around you and sliding his hand under your hip. Finally, he dragged himself back, so slowly.

You shut your eyes and bit your lip to keep quiet.

His hips snapped forward and your surprised yelp followed. "I’ve never dated anyone else—"

"How do I know that?" you demanded. "You’re a liar."

"I’ve never fucked anyone else, I’ve never even looked at anyone else. Since the day I met you, I knew that you were mine."

You weren’t sure if you believed that. Ransom was always complicated, you knew that from day one. You also knew that he knew a lot of women, that he liked to party, that he’d fucked most of his “friends” and that the usual routine was to do so during or after one of those parties.

He had started dragging you along with his friends about four months into your relationship. So, those first four months were always unclear to you. But prior, he would come to your apartment sometimes, smelling of alcohol and perfume and fuck you. You never asked questions and he never offered up the details. He was always gone in the mornings, so you figured that meant no strings.

The relationship change happened somewhat by force. Your parent’s lived about an hour away from your apartment, so it wasn’t often that you visited, but it wasn’t unheard of. One of your oldest friends had had a baby and she decided to return home to stay with her parents, your parent’s neighbors. You thought it would be fun to do the same, so you headed home and easily fell back into that whole scene.

Ransom texted you every day, almost every hour. You weren’t there for more than three weeks when he showed up at three in the morning on a Tuesday, wasted, pounding on the back door. To this day, it is unknown to you how his drunk ass even managed to get into the backyard.

Regardless, he only came because your friend had been posting non-stop pictures on Facebook and tagged you in one that she got of you talking to one of her brothers. Something he'd confessed after he also told you he couldn't stop thinking about you and that he missed you. Your first mistake was believing those lines.

He didn't leave until you agreed to return with him. The drive home was around the time he told you he found your apartment to be a "waste of time". It took him a total of three months to finally convince you to move in with him.

It didn't really matter at the end of the day. You didn't have evidence, but he did. This round was going to go to Ransom if you really kept pushing it. But it wasn't like he was anything near innocent.

"If you ever tell me that this is your house again, I'm leaving. Understood?"

"Yes. And you're not allowed to go on dates with other people. Understood?"

"Understood," you sighed. “Even though it was not a date. I would never date Max.”

He finally smiled. "Great, done fighting?"

You scoffed. "You went through my stuff."

"You hit me."

"I should have hit you more than once," you countered. But you didn't mean that, and you definitely shouldn't have hit him. "That won't happen again."

"I deserved it."

"No, let's just...talk about things, okay? Instead of reacting first and talking later."

He hummed. "Doesn't sound at all like us. But why not give it a shot?"

You’d wanted the house. The shit inside? Gaudy, outdated, mostly picked by Linda. You weren’t in the business of being cruel, however, you told her she could take legal possession of several things. If she wanted to buy it at the yard sale you decided to have.

It was the easiest way to get rid of Harlan’s stuff and to do so respectfully. Fans of his books who were nowhere near as rich as the 1% could still feel a connection to the late author without losing an arm and a leg. Throwing it all away like Ransom had suggested just made you feel like trash. He didn’t understand but he went along with it.

Probably because of how mad it made his mother. You’d decided to let Walt and Joni do a run through and take what they wanted, but since Linda had tried to physically assault Ransom when he told her he’d somehow gotten Marta to sign the house over to him, you were still waiting on her to extend a heartfelt and extensive apology to him. He said it was never going to come, but you figured she just needed a little convincing.

She’d shown up to the yard sale, screaming as Richard tried to reign her in. How could you seriously be selling a nightstand for $5? It was criminal. You were an idiot who had no idea how much this stuff cost. You were a scheming whore who had been planning this from day one. It was a pretty entertaining show, even Jacob agreed. He’d told you that night that her meltdown already had a million views.

Ransom was absent most of the yard sale. He did not want to talk to people and he did not want them talking to him. He showed up when he heard his mother shrieking and called the cops because he was a little bored. When they showed up, she started throwing things. It was nothing short of what you had expected, but when she started throwing things at Ransom, that was different.

She needed more convincing, you decided.

After the yard sale that only lasted three days—impressive considering Harlan was basically a hoarder—you were finally moving in. You pleaded with Ransom to hire no one. You wanted to do this with him. You wanted to pack and unpack just the two of you.

He acted like you were trying to murder him when you’d first asked, but he came around. You guys started with the closets, knowing that would be the most complex process. It took an entire day to move it all in and organize since the house was empty, you guys ended up sleeping on about twenty blankets on the bedroom floor.

Nothing was staying the same, mostly Ransom wanted to upset his family, but you just wanted to create a new home. You didn’t want to feel like you were living in Harlan’s house, you wanted to make it your own.

You weren’t taking Harlan’s room, that would be weird, and it was also an abnormally small room. The biggest room in the house was Joni’s former room, it had been empty since Neal died. Harlan refused to let anyone move anything that belonged to his son, but that was no longer an issue. It was also the only room with two closets, it was perfect.

Meg took Harlan’s room and Joni would keep hers. Walt, Donna, and Jacob were moved into one room, a decision made by Ransom. You didn’t necessarily agree but you weren’t going to start a fight with him for that subsection of the family. Especially since they were hardly ever going to be over, maybe just for the major holidays. Linda and Richard’s room under the stairs would remain but Linda was banned from the house until you felt satisfied with her attempts to gain Ransom’s forgiveness.

Not that he was actually upset with her, but he should have been! Something you did not hesitate to tell him any time you guys spoke about the issue. Regardless, any time Linda stepped foot on the property, the cops would be called.

Anything that belonged personally to Harlan, like his study, his office, the library, Ransom took special joy in taking everything out of it. He got rid of the books, the furniture, those stupid knives. He realized the books and the knives were very valuable and placed those online for bid. He didn’t want the money but he didn’t think it smart to sell them the same way you were selling everything else.

He didn’t tell you what he did with the money, but you saw a few emails a few days after the last knife was gone. He’d donated it. Ransom fucking Drysdale donated money! A few no-kill animal shelters, a couple of cancer foundations, a few domestic violence organizations, and then Planned Parenthood. Was it weird that you went to find him directly after just because you wanted to have sex with him? Like, you still knew he was a fucking asshole, but this was very nice.

The house was empty finally, save for the closets, of course. It was time to move all the boxes in and after, you guys could go shopping. That was the part you were both truly looking forward to. Ransom was going crazy without a bed, but he’d taken to fucking you against the wall, so not a major loss.

It only took about three hours, but Ransom acted like this was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life. Well, it probably was. You were getting ready to go out furniture shopping. You were thinking of ways to talk Ransom into painting with you, not just getting someone to take care of it. Harlan seemed to be a fan of ugly wallpaper and flat colors. Also, ugly lamps, shades, and curtains. That was the first round of replacements, the furniture would be arriving within the next few days. You had to sign for so much and it was getting difficult keeping the times and scheduling, the last thing you wanted was to double-schedule anything and waste someone’s time.

You were rummaging through the unopened boxes when Ransom came downstairs. “Looking for something?”

“Yeah, have you seen my planner?”

“I think I packed it.”

“Do you happen to remember which box?”

“Keep getting ready, I’ll look for it.”

You smiled, turning up to find him texting. “Your mother?”

“Yeah,” he scoffed. “Just some more threatening. Maybe we should lift the ban—”

“No way.”

“Y/N—”

“Ransom, she tried to hit you. And then she was throwing things at you. Look, as shitty as my parents are, something can be said for the fact that they never hit me. That’s not actually normal.”

“She didn’t hit me when I was younger, don’t try to make this some battered child thing.”

“Ransom, this is our house and I don’t feel comfortable having your mother here until she understands that any sort of abuse directed at you is not okay…okay?”

He sighed. “Why is this the hill you want to die on?”

“I’m sorry that I dislike bad parents.”

“We all have bad parents,” he pointed out. “Everyone rich has bad parents because bad parents raise bad parents. It’s been the cycle since the creation of people who feel comfortable stepping on the poor to further their wealth.”

“Okay, don’t try to distract me by saying things that only an aware person would say.”

“I am aware. I just choose to ignore it. Wish you would do the same.”

“Really? Then why did you donate all that money, Ransom?”

“To get you to fuck me.”

You snorted. “Please, you know I’ve fucked you for a lot less money than that. And you’re wrong, okay? Not everyone rich has bad parents. My friend who had the baby a few years ago? Great parents.”

“I mean, I saw their house, they’re not that rich.”

“They don’t show off!” you corrected. “And don’t imply that you and I will ever be like our parents. My mother was controlling, and my father was dismissive, and Linda is insane and god, I can’t even explain how fucked up your father is. We are nothing like that and we never would be if…”

He lifted his eyebrows. “If we had kids?”

“That wasn’t what I was trying to say.”

He scoffed. “Yes, it was.”

“No, but…sure, that’s true. If we ever had kids…we would not be like that. I wouldn’t force our daughters to model or sing—did you know she tried to make me sing? Like, be an actual fucking singer. And I’m never going to try to make them be in a relationship with someone that they don’t like. You will not hit them, and you won’t…fuck our babysitter or our housekeeper or…whatever else, if we ever hire any of them.”

“Yeah?”

“But since you’re giving me that fucking smug look, you should know, there isn’t enough money in the world that could ever get me to carry your fucking children. Fucking sociopaths is what they’ll be, I’m sure. Terrible, little monsters just like you.”

“Okay.”

“Fuck you, Ransom, I’m going to do my makeup.”

He smiled. “I’ll look for your planner.”

You turned for the staircase with a heavy sigh. This was annoying because he still hadn’t said he loved you. It had been years and you had said it, and he did not, but he felt totally okay making fun of you for hinting that maybe one day, you guys would be a normal couple. Whatever, you would not let it bring you down, you would just retaliate by making him spend a lot of money.

You were just about finished when you heard him storming up the stairs. His mother? Maybe Joni. “Ransom?”

He walked into the room, holding a vibrator that he’d torn out of the box. “Are you serious?”

“Okay, that was unopened! You would know that if you weren’t some entitled child that just goes around ripping open boxes, Ransom!”

“I can’t actually believe you have this!”

“I haven’t used it!”

“Then why do you have it?!”

“Because…” you began.

He lifted his eyebrows.

“You might make me mad and I might need to repeat what I did the last time.”

“I cannot believe you would actually bring this into our house.”

“My god, Ransom, it’s not cocaine. Can we dial down the dramatics today?”

“You know what? You should keep this because I’m not fucking you any time soon.” He tossed it onto the counter and stomped out of the bedroom.

“Oh, my god!” you yelled. “You’re so fucking unbelievable!”

[yunsoh]

can you do hc: furuba characters and their star signs?

i unfortunately am insufferable about astrology so this turned into. a whole thing. but here goes.

i’m only focusing on the main four (tohru, kyo, yuki, shigure) and then also kakeru and machi because i have thought about their charts to a degree where i might as well just lay them out here. i’m going to try and keep the descriptions brief (oh my god. never mind. this didn’t happen at all**), but ofc if you want more info/have questions you can shoot me an ask abt it. 

**i ended up saying too much so. tohru, kyo, and shigure’s will be in this post, and then i’m just gonna. do a separate post/reply to this one with yuki, kakeru, and machi’s lmfao. just to be considerate of people, you know, maybe not wanting to read the biggest wall of text in the world. 

i guess just some baseline things: 

- i won’t be going into every single planet/house placement/aspect because that’s 2 much man, but i’ll talk about the parts i think are most immediately interesting. 

- i decided to challenge myself a little and look up actual charts rather than just making up my own. which means i went ahead and took a sick guesstimate about their “actual birthdays” based on the years they were born and then the sun/moon/rising combinations that i figured fit them best. yes this is a ridiculous thing to do for fictional characters. yes i now have fictional characters charts sitting in my list on astro.com. but also yes i had fun doing it so it’s w/e. (and yes i know takaya specifically said that they don’t have birthdays but literally when have i ever listened to her abt anything. my city now.)

- birth years i based on the manga since that’s their like, real core characters. they’re 80s kids and shigure is a 70s dad it’s just how it is. 

- take all this with a whole salt mine. like actually. but also my apologies if this is at all confusing, bc i know it’s a lot of like....... more intermediate astrology stuff. hopefully it’s at all comprehensible.

- i’ll also add the disclaimer that if you personally have literally any of these placements please god do not take what i say as like, word of god or whatever. it’s all dependent. i’m also reading them for fictional characters with like... established characterizations..... so use ur best judgement.

this is incredibly long so it’s going under a cut.

tohru

taurus sun, cancer moon, pisces rising; taurus mercury, pisces venus, libra mars (retrograde). 

part of me hates how predictable this is but if it works it works lmfao.

pisces rising & pisces venus in the 1st house are the things that are probably most immediately apparent about tohru to her peers -- pisces brings with it a receptive quality, in that it almost acts as an open channel in the world. it doesn’t really have any defenses up, and in that sense is prone to getting hit by. absolutely everything. depending on what the rest of the chart entails, this can be completely crushing and overwhelming, or it can be handled with some grace. or both, which is the case with tohru. important too is to consider the chart ruler (the rising sign’s ruling planet), which is jupiter under traditional rulerships, and neptune under modern -- personally, i prefer traditional rulerships, so i’m going with jupiter lmao. jupiter here is in the 8th house, which is indicative of being rather open about areas that are typically seen as taboo or not socially spoken of, specifically concerning other people’s matters (rather than the self). jupiter in 8th is also indicative of luck when it comes to other people’s resources, as it’s a house of merging with another.

because pisces is such a receptive source, other people are both comforted and taken aback by it. pisces risings are often considered a little weird (or a lot), and frequently view the world on a baseline of emotion -- they’re keenly aware of the energy in the room, and have a tendency to carry other people’s emotions with them. at the same time, they can have trouble discerning their own emotions -- everything is just kind of a big swirl of feeling. but, we do see tohru frequently step herself away from that overwhelm, or be guided out of it, through more grounded and physical acts of service, rather than emotional. taurus sun and mercury lends some reprieve for her here; when she starts to feel overwhelmed, she is often guided back to her self-determination, in which she quiets her thoughts by getting herself back into the work grind, or reminds herself of what her root motivations are, either within the given moment or in the long-term. 

taurus is a bit of a double-edged sword for her, because while it’s a grounding force, it also leaves her with putting up walls around herself in order to avoid help from other people. taurus is heavily self-reliant, and proud of what they can do for themselves and others -- but when it comes to actually needing help, and needing to ask for help, their first instinct is to refuse. it’s basically like pulling teeth. in the 2nd house, this is especially poignant -- her pride (sun) is rooted in the realm of work ethic, finances, routines. that self-reliance always comes up in the form of knowing she’ll have to provide for herself after graduation, and sees going at things alone as a sort of “training” in a sense, even when it harms her or puts her in harm’s way (this is also evident by aries being the 2nd house cusp, in that she takes this area of life as a challenge and is particularly energized by it, even if it’s to the point of burnout).

cancer moon also has a hand in this, as far as being slow to open up emotionally goes -- while she’s someone who has her heart on her sleeve (very much due to pisces venus in 1st), this doesn’t mean that she’s actually vulnerable about her emotions. cancer moons often find their strength in providing for others, and find emotional comfort in giving other people a place to feel safe, most stereotypically through physical comforts like food and gentle/welcoming environments. they also tend to operate in self-care in this way, by making themselves physically comfortable. this self-care can often come up due to just the sheer exhaustion of feeling and accepting emotions quite easily, but not feeling comfortable fully expressing them. she isn’t completely repressed -- again, she emotes very easily (a combination of venus in 1st and moon in 5th; moon in 5th allows for a freer self-expression, to the point of being over the top at times) -- but she shields herself from opening up fully, until it really just completely overwhelms her and she ends up more or less exploding to let everything out. cancer moon is also highly, highly bonded to their emotional memory! their memories are their well of emotion. 

i want to touch on what’s going on with the 7th house, because i think it looks a little scary at first glance. 7th house rules our one-on-one partnerships, including (but not limited to) long-term romances and friendships. pluto and saturn are intense and challenging energies respectively -- pluto asks for transformation and rebirth, saturn stands for personal challenges that have to be deliberately overcome. mars is a planet of drive and ambition, but also a place of conflict. it’s a lot of difficult energy to consider, but i think it fits her quite well, especially considering her issues of letting her guard down and being emotionally vulnerable. her personal struggle (saturn) is about really, honestly letting people into her life, without feeling inadequate or unworthy. understanding that she’s worthy of the love she receives is something she struggles to fully comprehend up to the end because of a low self-esteem (which is somewhat tied to pisces venus -- pisces venus tends to surrender themselves quite a bit, which doesn’t always mark a low-self esteem [as we’ll see....in a later chart], but can absolutely err that way if there aren’t other parts of the chart to ground it or overpower it with more self-affirming placements, such as a developed taurus placement. pisces venus can feel a little lost in themselves and instead rely on the emotions of the room to determine where their confidence is -- if emotions are good, they’re good. if not, they’re not.)

mars in 7th is indicative of feeling revitalized and driven by these close relationships, but also overflows to the point of arguing -- in which she’s usually arguing because she’s fighting for them and not with them. mars is in retrograde here, which follows the general theme of internalizing issues rather than externalizing them (in 7th house, this often comes up as her getting frustrated with the situations her friends are in and carries it by herself, and is driven to then handle these issues even if her friends are completely unaware. uo and kyo come to mind specifically). mars being in libra, she especially feels inclined towards a sense of doing right for and by the people she loves, even if she does it in ways that can be more than a little intense at times. also struggles a little with being alone! plays off of other people’s energy constantly.

pluto in 7th i think is like........ kind of poetic for her lmao....... especially as it deals with finding transformation/rebirth through these committed, personal relationships. her whole arc involves her feeling an immense guilt over not only feeling as though she’s losing her mom as time passes, but then also “replacing” her in her heart as she falls in love with kyo. and it’s with kyo that she finds strength to grow into and understand herself in ways she hadn’t before. but it’s also a markedly intense transformation for her, and one that repeatedly breaks her heart because it’s a difficult change (saturn being conjunct pluto here absolutely doesn’t soften the matter oml). but she comes out the other side a stronger and more confident person.

one last note, because i just remembered someone asked me ages ago about this: north node! north node is indicative of the path we’re asked to take during this lifetime (versus the south node, which is indicative of what we are already comfortable with; regarding karma, it’s the path we’ve become familiarized with through past lives). north node here is in cancer in the 5th house, almost directly conjunct the moon. a cancer north node is indicative of needing to move away from issues of detachment, competitiveness, workaholic tendencies, elitism, mommy issues (capricorn issues; the south node is always exactly opposite the north), and instead moving towards compassion, self-care, inclusivity, maternal energy. some of these are already present in tohru via other aspects of her chart (compassion and inclusivity, maternal energy), but there are some that are more. difficult things she has to move on from lmao..... being conjunct moon, this is an especially emotional and sensitive part of the journey. 5th house north node is indicative of needing to work towards expressing the self in a way that is purely for the self, rather than for others -- there’s already a comfort in being able to provide for the collective other, but shifting the focus to more “selfish” expression is grounds for discomfort. a journey towards being able to be more unapologetically self-expressive and self-loving. the fun thing about north node is that for the most part, the chart will always be indicative of the issues that need to be considered and overcome in order to face it, so i feel like at this point it all speaks for itself lmao.

(a note; the nodes take about a year and a half to change signs, so everyone within this cohort is going to have the same north node in cancer. which comes up in different ways for each considering house placement & aspects but still. kids the mommy issues.... the superiority/inferiority complexes..... kids...... 

also i’ll add that in Real Life north node is usually a lifelong struggle to fully realize/accomplish, but ofc. this is fiction. character arcs and speedrunning personal development and the like.)

there’s more to talk about here but like. i’ve already said too much omfg. moving on.

kyo

capricorn sun, aries moon, aries rising; capricorn mercury, capricorn venus, aquarius mars. 

yes. the poetic cinema of him and tohru both having a saturn-pluto conjunction in the 7th house. i see it. i am perceiving it.

but before that, some talk about the aries and capricorn of it all. aries and capricorn are both so inherently driven to just do. aries is the initial spark and the short-term determination, the immediate reaction to things, while capricorn is the more plodding slow-burn and considers time and longevity. they’re similar in determination, but clash because of the fight between impatience and time, and reacting immediately versus careful consideration. these more patient traits are present in him, but for a while they’re buried under his inclination to react to things. aries rising views the world as something of a personal challenge, and can put a lot of pressure on themselves in order to overcome these matters. but, they come at it with a borderline unwavering determination; they fall down a lot and are quick to get back up again. other people can find them pushy or cocky, or just too “in your face” about like..... everything lmao...... because they’re just blunt. they see the world honestly (or, so they think) and react to it honestly. this ties too to aries moon, in which the emotional reaction to things is very much a quick, bursting reaction, and then it fizzling out not long after. emotions tend to zip by very quickly -- they’re felt for a moment, and then it’s passed.

moon in 12th, though, makes these emotions a bit more ambiguous to understand -- fire moons feel intensely and suddenly, but a layer of ambiguity that the 12th house provides can make it feel as though emotions are being muddied, and not seen clearly. what we see then with kyo is having these intense reactions to things, but being off-base with consciously understanding why he’s feeling that way. for him, it’s also in part a purposeful shielding and misdirect; he knows subconsciously what the root of these issues actually are, but in the heat of the moment, it’s misdirected to what’s exactly in front of him. it’s a mode of self-protection. this struggle is also present in this sun square moon situation -- sun square moon offers the challenge of the head and heart not working together, and often having conflicting desires (individualizing vs emotional security). capricorn sun in particular is a fairly grounded and practical placement, so up against the wiles of aries moon in 12th, there’s a deep struggle to actually feel grounded. it also presents an issue of feeling as though there’s something to prove in themselves to others, especially regarding self-worth, which is exacerbated by capricorn’s ambitions and moon in 12th’s difficulty with truly seeing themselves; they tend to take things too personally lmao. on the flipside, moon in 12th is actually quite in tune with other people’s emotions, even when they can’t fully comprehend their own. when he lets himself open up a little, he’s shown to be quite understanding of tohru’s emotions in particular, even when she’s not being forthcoming.

lot of mars energy and aspects going on here that also push against capricorn’s groundedness & practicality -- aside from the aries rising & mars chart ruler, the moon is in an easy, sextile relationship with mars (in which mars’ reactions flows easily into the moon reacting), mars itself is in an easy, flowing relationship with uranus (planet of very sudden change; mars sextile uranus asks for high energy levels and a need for something to be going on) and a difficult, square aspect with saturn, which causes a repression and frustration/inhibition for mars. the mars energy here is just one frustration after another. aries rising at least grants him the wherewithal to channel that energy somewhere productive, so when it’s not channeled into his self-loathing, it’s channeled into athletics. he’s trying.

speaking of, aquarius mars being the chart ruler is a little interesting to parse, if only because it does sit so strongly against all of the capricorn energy. aquarius mars is like......... kind of a freak LMAO. in a good way. in some charts it sits as something that’s more blatantly against the social norm, and in others it sits more as a quiet but consistent rebellion. the latter i think is the case here, if only because of that tough square with saturn and all that capricorn energy erring on the side of conformity. i think it’s interesting to take the cat lore into this, considering that the cat’s “downfall” in the story was that it was the only one, among god and all the other animals, to go against the wish for an eternal banquet -- its lack of conformity ended up in the cat being seen from there on out as an enemy. there’s something just inherently nonconforming about the cat, but it becomes a repressed and self-hated thing within kyo because it’s so incredibly alienating in the scope of his immediate family. at the same time, there’s something also inherently rebellious in the ways he seeks out to be the first cat to ever be included within the inner family, even if it all ends up for naught (mars’ contact with moon in 12th i think comes into play here, if only that his motivations are so heavily skewed; he becomes intensely avoidant when he’s asked to face his real issues surrounding the matter). aquarius mars is also very much about being driven for overall social change and reform, which, again, stands at an odds with capricorn’s more staunch viewpoints (he’s not exactly the most accepting of people who step out of the social norm, but this i equate more to capricorn venus in 10th -- traditionalist views regarding personal aesthetics, in a house regarding one’s reputation; also is incredibly self-critical and can project that onto others), but he does in the end fight against the system that his family has put in place for him and is, eventually, a major part of the catalyst for the curse’s downfall. pretty sick shit. 

on a less ‘large scale’ level, aquarius mars affects his social sphere -- the 11th house rules the realm of friendships, teams, groups, anything having to do with a collective, as well as hopes and aspirations. mars here is both invigorated by (and invigorating to) social groups, and can find itself being challenged by them. kyo’s self esteem regarding his social skills can be attributed to the fact that he does feel like an outsider, but he’s actually pretty socially attuned once he settles in. aquarius tends to struggle with needing its alone time, alongside feeling like it doesn’t quite fit in, but at its core it’s a social sign -- there’s a required balance between being alone and needing to be with others. it can take aquarius a while to really find comfort in social settings, i think, so i think it’s fitting that this is an area that kyo struggles with for a time. 

okay. god i already wrote so much. and yet...... okay. capricorn sun, mercury, and venus -- sun in 9th does seek a basic desire to be able to expand its worldview outside of the confines of home, and this runs along the theme of kyo’s being caged in a major way. sun conjunct neptune here is also indicative of how easily he gives up on that desire and submits to powers above him; neptune acts as a shroud, and can be a challenge for the sun’s ego to work with, especially in the case of the ego being harmed in any way (such as through abuse). it’s imperative that there’s someone who is able to guide the sun back to its goals, especially in the case of a capricorn sun, which can really suffer under the feeling that they aren’t actively doing or achieving, or can otherwise be prone to melancholy in self-perceived defeat. also concurs with the themes of sun square moon in 12th. capricorn mercury and venus in 10th, a focus on getting shit done lmfao. mercury here tends to be a problem-solver, but can also err towards thinking they’re the smartest person in the room or use otherwise demeaning vocab (kyo........ yeah). venus here typically tends towards wanting to be in a place of getting attention, but square that moon in 12th this is something. highly inhibited lmfao. but venus in 10th also tends to be seen as highly attractive by others, in looks and personality, which i think is a) true because sohma and b) fucking hilarious because he gets his own little fanclub from the. middle school girl gang or w/e. god. 

and then yes, the saturn-pluto conjunction in 7th. saturn: similar to tohru in struggling to let people into his life in full, and not believing he’s worthy of that love as he is (esp regarding kazuma and tohru). pluto: similar again to tohru in that he experiences something highly transformative in his person once he actually accepts the love of other people, and allows himself to be transformed by love. it asks him to let go of his self-hatred, which in turn asks him to let go of a lot of other things that held him back from growth. and he comes out the other side of that experience with a hell of a lot more self-confidence. the fact that he and tohru are these transformative experiences for each other.... fucking poetry. yeah.

north node note: north node is in cancer in the 3rd house; for him, it’s asking him to move away from being defined only by achievement, mommy issues, competition, & complexes around inferiority, and embrace being more emotionally sensitive and inclusive of others and the self, and especially being able to find comfort within the self. north node in the 3rd asks for a journey of being able to express the self in a way where the thoughts are purely individual, rather than coming from certain shared ideologies or other higher influences. this i feel is especially poignant for him as he struggles to really move on from certain beliefs planted in him by his family situation -- beliefs that he’s inherently worthless, that yuki is to blame for his struggles (due to zodiac lore) rather than seeing the situation for what it is (abuse from akito and his father), that his future is set in stone because it’s family tradition. the north node here sits opposite the sun, which is indicative of a struggle between a distinct drive towards personal development and an inclination to stick to what was learned in childhood; a battle against the ego for personal development. north node trine saturn is i think indicative of being self-accountable and having a lot of determination, and tending towards a mature outlook on things. square moon is indicative that this personal growth journey is especially spurred on and nurtured by significant relationships with women, though they tend to be challenging........ yeah..........

MOVING ON..............

shigure

scorpio sun, scorpio moon, taurus rising; sagittarius mercury, libra venus, libra mars.

shigure just exudes fuckboy venusian energy, and that is on that. 

taurus rising colors the chart in a way that brings focus on self-reliability, prioritizing personal wants & comforts, and in general not being rushed or bothered unless it’s on their own terms. for all his slipperiness, shigure’s actually pretty lax and slow-going, and looks at the world in a way where he first and foremost considers what is useful to him, in the moment. self-indulgence king. there’s also a considerable focus on loyalty and honesty. under this is the influence of the chart ruler, libra venus; taurus alone tends towards being more reserved (which, shigure really doesn’t seem to mind just chilling by himself in the middle of the woods tbqh), but libra tends to get agitated when they’re alone for too long -- as an air sign, they thrive in the realm of mentality, and libra in particular thrives in this arena when it comes to social connections. they’re simultaneously flighty and committed; libra venus perfects the art of being huge romantics while also coming across as emotionally detached. 

but ofc shigure does have a considerable amount of passion when it comes to his love life, more than erring on the side of possessiveness, and that comes in with the double scorpio sun/moon in 7th, as well as venus conjunct pluto (pluto bears an intense, transformative energy; it kind of sits there like “i refuse to make anything easy, or take anything easily” lmfao). 7th house is all about long-term partnership, as well as considers the energy you’re drawn to (and simultaneously have issues with seeing in yourself, since it sits opposite the rising). scorpio on the descendant tends towards being selective towards people, and while shigure is pretty sociable, he only has a handful of truly close relationships, all of which have been long-standing since he was a child. sun & moon being conjunct one another indicates a conscious expression of emotion (rather than, if the moon were unaspected, emotions can be more free-falling and come and go unconsciously/subconsciously). shigure tends to be deliberate in how he shows himself and what he expresses, and taking scorpio into consideration, there’s a considerable intuitiveness he has that he uses specifically to dig into people’s observed sensitivities (sagittarius mercury in 8th also affects this; 8th house handles matters including other people’s psychology, and sagittarius mercury can tend towards being rather open-faced and blunt about what they think and say). 

when it comes to akito, though, there is that push and pull of “belonging” to her, and also pulling away from her -- moon in 7th does find emotional stability in being someone’s person, and sun in 7th also finds a base importance in being part of a partnership, romantic or otherwise; but that pulling back can be attributed to a mix of taurus’ mode of self-reliance and at times cold detachment, libra’s general emotional detachment, and also scorpio moon’s tendency towards vindictiveness (or otherwise a high emotional response) when it’s hurt. paired with a libra mars, which can be a majorly provoking force in terms of shit-stirring, there ends up being this concoction of “i’m hurt, i’m going to hurt you back in a way that makes you feel exactly how hurt i am, and i’m also going to avoid saying things outright because i want you to figure out why i did it” (sagittarius mercury and its tendency towards “i’ll say and think what i want and if other people can’t keep up, that’s not entirely my problem” plays into that as well). shigure doesn’t come off as a sensitive sort, but it’s more that he both manages to keep his hurt rather private, and also genuinely only gets bothered when it comes to his most important relationship. libra’s “eye for an eye” and matters of balance really especially come into play for him in terms of him feeling hurt by akito -- like. he literally fucked ren in revenge for akito sleeping with kureno lmao. that’s beyond being hurt, that’s a perceived betrayal. scorpio antics. libra mars conjunct uranus also is big “suddenly, i have decided that i will cause problems on purpose" eye-for-an-eye energy.

beyond his penchant for. revenge fucking. he’s also notably charming and funny! the charm is itself the overall venusian energy between taurus and libra, but it’s also found with that venus square jupiter -- squares are typically energies in conflict with one another, but venus and jupiter are both benefic planets; the worst that this square brings really is that they can tend to be lazy and unmotivated, and that people might think they have loose morals lmfao. and considering this square occurs with the 6th and 9th houses, it’s a marked laziness with daily routines and things concerning travel, higher learning, and publishing. long-suffering mitsuru and tohru kind of deal with the brunt of this. jupiter in 9th in general also grants some good fortune regarding travel/higher learning/publishing/the like, which i just think is like. a funny little thing considering he’s an achieved author at 25 under multiple pseudonyms. also the libra influence on that in that he’s a romance writer, mercury conjunct neptune heavily influencing creative thought, and the saturn in 2nd indicating a more serious motivation when it comes to career (+ the saturn trine mars in 6th giving him like, actual dedication in the realm of his career and his success -- mars in 6th is more about the determination to do things well, especially in terms of daily tasks).... yeah! like he does what he wants but he’s also obviously dedicated to his craft lmao. 

i guess another thing to mention is all this 6th house energy -- 6th house handles personal health, daily routines, service given to others within the physical world. which with shigure, it’s very much a part of his character that he’s kind of trash at keeping physical care of himself (shit eating habits, absolutely fucked up sleeping schedule), and that he veers pretty heavily on the side of being self-serving. uranus, pluto, and mars don’t bode very well in this house. they just don’t like it -- uranus either figures out ways to adapt or detaches from these chores entirely, mars can be an energizing source here with the right willpower (such as regarding his job, though writing is in itself a self-serving profession), but would rather be served than serve others, and pluto can tend towards harboring power struggles with others because they want to do things on their terms only. venus is really the only one sitting in this house having a good time, if only that venus brings pleasure wherever it goes -- for shigure, that’s maximized in making sure he’s able to do things his way so that there’s as little struggle as possible. he’s content letting his house and habits go to hell, and he’s just as content with shunting off the housework to someone else. he just can’t be bothered to do things he doesn’t want to. (also, again, venus square jupiter. the laziness but also the charm that has people put up with him without much fight or consequence.) i will say though that he does provide a physical service by housing three literal teenagers, but ofc there’s an undercurrent of an ulterior motive in doing so. so. 

and then mars conjunct uranus + sag mercury is just big fucking clown energy.  

some north node notes: his north node sits opposite the kids’, which i think is an interesting little thing. north node in capricorn is indicative of needing to move away from codependency, an overindulgence in self-soothing/self-care, and passivity, and asks to move towards being a more proactive presence, someone who leads, and someone who empowers people rather than enables them. so. i think in general this is interesting to coincide with his character arc, in the sense that he doesn’t exactly have one lmao? he’s very much a stable force throughout the story; he doesn’t really undergo any massive personal changes like a lot of the other characters do. he’s a character who is very much comfortable admitting that he does things for himself, and that he is shown time and again that, for all of his self-serving nature, he’s still very much committed to this relationship with akito that he’s harbored since he was a literal child, no matter how volatile and skewed it became as they got older. i think the one matter of the north node that he actually fulfills is being someone who tends to challenge other characters’ personal viewpoints and asks them (though indirectly) to consider changing how they think in order to facilitate their growth. but, he’s not exactly a proactive force here; he nudges, but he doesn’t fight. 

north node in 9th also takes this into consideration, as it asks to expand outside of what is already known, to learn and grow outside of where they grew up, and to be able to teach from that learned wisdom. which, again, isn’t fully realized in him, as he chooses to dedicate himself to akito and in turn return to living within the sohma estate, which also includes him giving up his job as a novelist..... in its way it’s sort of like expanding these horizons vicariously through akito, who is literally taking her first step into being anything like a normal functioning human being outside of the curse. idk about that. but he does think outside of the curse’s constraints and looks beyond it, rather than feeling particularly held back by it, and in that sense is able to offer some wisdom and nudge other people towards the thought of freedom. it’s a mixed bag.

(i’ll slap a link here when i make a new post for yuki, kakeru, and machi’s reads!)

[thoughtsdying]

The procces of realising you’re aroace: a tale by me version 2

Realising you’re aroace is suddenly comprehending why your few friends (with one exception) have always turned out to be in the queer community at the end. Like. That fenomenum of “queer radar only you don’t realise it’s there and you end up gravitating together anyway?” yup- It happens too. Only most of the time you think you’re an allied cis-het weirdo who cares too much about something that doesn’t have anything to do with you, and who cares if you feel weird when other people assume you’re hetero (or that you have a orientation at all), you sure aren’t attracked to your same gender either. Nor are any kind of trans.

And then you discover asexuality in your late teens and it feels weirdly near you, but you think you’re trying to make it so you’re special, so you dismiss any ace feels as you being a late bloomer, and only take care of including it in discussions about queer issues, and then you feel strangely hurt when a professor dismisses it as “some self descriptor weird lonely japanese men in their 40′s created who only care for 2D” which. You don’t have to tell me all the problems in that sentence. Believe me, I know. And you can’t come with arguments except well if people feel like using it, then we should respect it, bc you don’t have the words to explain asexuality except that internet in english told you it was a thing and you still don’t know except in a nebulous way what even is aromanticism, so you didn’t bring that up in the discussion at all.

And a pair of years after that you start using demisexual bc it feels less scary and very reasonable except you’ve never felt attracted to anyone, how do you even tell it? And relationships scare you, and you still don’t have any idea of what is aromanticism except it scares you and you don’t want to contemplate a life being aro. You love romances after all

(except when you have to look the other way in any kind of profound kiss, bc it’s private people, which makes you feel wiedly homophobic when you’re watching a lgbtq+ media or your best friend with her girlfriend even if it’s the same with hetero, except then it’s just that sex is weird in film and kisses with tongue are still private people!)

and obviously you still don’t want to have sex with a girl (Except perhaps those emotional dreams of touching with a friend that aren’t sex but almlost and are very comfortable anyways it could be nice you’re sure but nice isn’t desire is it?) so even although guys make you nervous and any thought of doing anything romantic-sexual with one is a “yikes” you suppose you find some really pretty in a different way you do with woman and that must be ~attraction~.

And a friend tells you that a guy tried to sound her to see if he could date you and she told him you were ace and uninterested in any kind of relationship, and you go “why?” confused and a bit elated bc holy shit what a relief you won’t have to confront him, but also a bit of panic (that’s how i come across? it isn’t my imagination, im so obvious oh no) and she tells you, “well you are almost one and you don’t have any intention of dating anybody right now so i thought it best to cut any feels on his part right now”. And it gives you things to think about.

And another two years pass except this time you’ve started to educate yourself on aromanticism bc too many relatable posts on tumblr looking into the ace tag made you “holy shit yeah this makes more sense than just asexuality” but also you keep loving romance stories except now you’ve started to recognize you’re starved of friendship in all the ambits of your live and you’re also a young adult who still doesn’t want a relationship, what do i do? And maybe you’re not demi, you’re ace and you can think sex sounds a nice activity to do with intimate friends (aro aro aro) but not something you’re into, and you’re still ace, you’re not attracted to anybody not really. What a relief. (you still can’t try on the aro umbrella)

And you question yourself bc a fantastic guy has become your friend, and your minds vibe inmensely well, and you talk during quearentine, but he gives you some weird vibes sometimes, and makes you gifts which you ignore bc holy shit a best friend! And he has money and he’s lonely! I would also give gifts to my besties if I had money! And then he confesses to you on wassap, and you realise he has put you on a pedestal and has cofessed but already said himself he doesn’t want a relationship with you bc he would corrupt you or something and anyway, he’s not really in love with you he’s using you as a mental crutch to try to not be depressed, he knows that noe but he hates psycologists. Also, can i have some time apart from you?

So you tell him you feel flattered but that you see him as only a friend, and please can you not put yourself so below me? Search professional help. I’ll stay away as long as you need.

And you start feeling uneasy, but you think it’s only that he’s a weirdo and really you’ve dodged a bullet of course you wouldn’t want to go out with him, he’s not really the kind of pretty you like. Except if you’re ace what does it matter? Isn’t it that you feel pretty repulsed by trying a romantic relationship? Or are you just justifying your own aloofness and personality problems that make impossibly difficult to try a romance anyway. People don’t control who they feel romantic feels for anyway.

Except in the following months when you’ve finally reaturned to be friends you’re so relieved to not have that shadow above you and really wouldn’t it be amazing if everybody knew you didn’t want anything to do with them romantically? To be free to be friends and hug them, and walk arm in arm or go to lunch and cinema and still be just friends? To plan your future in a line along with those friends but not be really a committement as much as you just want to enjoy talking face to face with them for a bit longer.

So you go back to read about aromanticism and maybe you cry a little but mostly you’re pretty happy and scared about it. And you tell that friend, bc he’s your bestie right now and you feel him being bi and also being interested in you in the past would make him more likely to react well. It’s not personal it’s just the way I am. And then you start crying in the middle of a starbucks for 15 min. and you didn’t now you feel so much so intensely about being aroace, and how it had impacted you without knowing and how much you hate those expectations. And he hugs you and tells you “nobody has the right to tell you how to live. if you feel like you’re never gonna be in a relationship that’s your business and you’ll be happy anyway” and you cry harder. And then you both have a sincere conversation about sex as he has experimented it and how you feel it pretty strange and weird, but maybe you’d like to try it sometime. Just not a time near now. And if it’s never that’s pretty okey with you too.

So you go home feeling a bit embarrased but also pretty elated except a week later there’s another wassap message from him, saying he feels he still loves you, and that he understands intelectually your nearness with him is friendly but still feels romantic and it confuses me and it pains me and i would prefer to not be your friend anymore, sorry, men are shit and me the worst of them.

“Ok” I write back. I’m furious and hurt and I don’t want to see his liar face anymore. So fuck you, I think. “Thanks for telling me” And I block his number and I don’t talk to him when we met with out mutual friends, and when it’s necessary I talk as if he were a stranger. Kindly but impersonal. Isn’t that what you wanted? To lost a friend? So you’ve lost me forever.

And it became clear to me that I don’t think I’ll ever understand the stupidity of not wanting to see someone just because their lives don’t revolve around you the way you like, even though you’re friends and you can talk to them about anything at all anyway, and be there for help with the shitty parts of life. There are things I’ll never felt or do for another. 

And I’m ok with that.