#all these books I want to read but what have I been reading lately? geometry lecture notes

[shini--chan]

Hey, could I request yandere Allies punishing dear reader, only to realize afterwards that the Allies themselves misplased the knife ect? And thank you for the amazing writing you do!

The pleasure is mine, dear. And please people, don’t read this during, or after eating - this especially refers to the France part of this post. Rated mature for reasons. 

Trigger warnings: Attempted murder, temporary death, body horror, gore, domestic violence, animal death

Yandere Allies - Oversight

America

Now that had been unexpected, it occured to Alfred while he was in limbo. Limbo generally was a weird place, and it was best to focus on the internal going ons, than the external happenings. The alien geometries and starburst fractals and the unliving creatures haunting the semi-shadows would only make the aroma of his own death linger longer in his mouth should he inspect them. No need to pass over to the other side yet, either - he wasn't at the end of his life either. 

You were going to be in so much trouble when he got back. All that blood on his desk, it really wouldn't do. Perhaps he should force you to clean it up. Couldn't you have opted for a less bloody option, than slitting his throat? For all that you claimed to be kinder and fairer than him, with your modus operandi you had demonstrated that you were anything but that. And you called him a hypocrite. 

All of this because of your damn attitude problems and a misplaced knife. Hormone imbalance, mayhaps? He should have you take a blood test, just to make sure that a thyroid dysfunction wasn't on the table. 

Slowly the connection to his physical body started to reestablish itself and he felt the chill of death creep in his bones. Thankfully, due to his superpower status, his time in the limbo was relatively short and his body was therefore not too cold when he returned to it. Though, the dead time had been increasing as of late, and that was worrying all on its own. Something he would have to look at another time, though. 

Air entered his lungs and his heart gradually started pumping again. His throat felt like shit, but thankfully was closed. By the feel of it, you had covered it after you had murdered him. Speaking of you, he felt your hands rummaging in his jacket pockets. Rude. 

With some effort, he cracked his eyes open and observed you through his half-closed eyelids. He was on the floor, spread-eagle. Even through the postmortem blurr, he could recognise that you were pale beyond belief and you were shaking. The hands searching his person were frantic and your breathing was erratic. As his sense of smell kicked in, he caught the sharp sting of bile floating from his waste paper basket. 

Double Rude. If you had to kill someone, best not be a pussy about it and not vomit after doing the deed. Blazes, what was wrong with you that you couldn't even murder somebody probably? Maybe he'd have you kill one of those rats that once had vyed for your attention. Good riddance and a lesson all in one, that would be fantastic. 

Now, just to get your attention.

A hand wrapped around one of your ankles, and with his sight becoming clearer, he could see how your eyes went wide. Hands froze, and you turned your head to look down in that slow, comical fashion that was so typical of horror movie protagonists. When you screamed, he yanked your leg out from underneath you, causing the scream to morph into a yelp. 

Now this was funny

Given how distracted Alfred can get, he'll probably overlook where he placed the knife and will only realise what happened when it is too late. The best course of action would be to book it. If you want further time then you'd have to put Alfred even further out of commision, so that more time is spent healing.

When he does get you again, he'll be borderline manic and you can be assured that whatever punishment shall commence will be worse than the one that allowed you to obtain the knife in the first place.

Canada

"I do hope you just have the knife 'cause you wanna cook something", he remarked. Matthew didn't even look up from where he was plucking his eyebrows, just kept staring intently in the small beautician mirror he had before him. There were more important things than you waving a knife around as if you knew how to use it. You couldn't even chop vegetables properly.

"And what if I don't?", you asked snidely. Slippers scraped against the floorboards as you approached him. Turning the mirror just so, he saw you over his shoulder, with a knife held high. Was your pallor and trembling due to the blood loss, fear, or both?

"You wouldn't dare to kill me. We both know that."

"How can you be so sure? After everything you've done to me, why shouldn't I?", you asked in return. Your voice wasn't even - it cracked and faltered at the end of some words and he had to strain his hearing to make out the others.

The personification turned around slowly, intent on being dramatic. He jad seen Alfred and his Lord Father do so often enough for him to be able to imitate them perfectly. 

There you were standing, holding the never some knife he had used to cut paper fine cuts in your back, a tally of all the spanks he had inflicted on you. You had been so upset, the humiliation and pain forcing tears from your eyes. Not surprising that you were having a tantrum, therefore.

Matthew was taller than you and therefore it was so easy to look down on you. 

"You've never hurt somebody. You wouldn't even dare cut a bunny's throat and then skin it, even if your life depends on it. Everytime somebody talks about organs and blood for more than five minutes, you become green. Do you really think it is believable when you say you want to injure me? Or even go further than that and kill me? 

So stop lying to yourself. You don't have the guts to kill me, 'cause that would mean staining your ledger with red", he explained, and with each other word, took a step closer to you. Eventually, you had to tilt your head back to look him in the eye.

 Trembling like a frightened rabbit, you clutched the blade even tighter to make sure it didn't fall out of your hand. No further words were said, but there was no need, for when he met no resistance when he pried the implement out of your grasp, he knew his words had hit home. 

It would come as no surprise to Canada should you approach him with a knife and malicious intent. Judging from your past reactions to punishments, it would be a given that you would act out more than usual, should you get your hands on a weapon

He would be willing to let it slide, as a way of showing just how inconsequential you arming yourself is to him. It is not like you can gain the upper hand over him or something of the sort, so why should he punish you for that? Besides, he is more angry with himself for making such a mistake. He is supposed to set a standard, to have a certain image in your mind. How can he have that if he is constantly slipping up?

China

The steel felt cold against your skin. This whole thing was rather silly, even petty. It wasn't like that you didn't have unrestricted access to a whole assortment of knives. Heavens, it would take little convincing for Yao to let you take up fencing, and with historical swords for that. With a little work, you could then turn a blunted long sword into a sharp blade. This was more about the principal than the outcome.

Yao was enjoying a book on the couch, as was typical for a workday evening. There was even a cup of tea … no, herbal infusion on the table beside him and every now and then he would reach over and take a few sips. 

You just had to get your timing correct. 

After a few minutes of waiting, he finally reached over again and that was the moment you chose to strike. Quickly, you lunged in order to cross the space in the blink of an eye and rammed the knife downward.

The ugly screech of metal being embedded in wood filled the room, and the steel glinted crimson with droplets of blood. Yao hadn't even let go of the tea cup, now lifted slightly off the table surface. What he had done was spill some tea. 

There wasn't even a change in expression when he fixed his eyes on you. The cup exchanged hands and your partner lifted his hand to his mouth and sucked the blood away that was seeping out of the shallow cut in his hand.

"That was planned?", he finally inquired, his hand falling down to the table. He pushed himself upright and set the cup back down. 

It was kind of strange, now. You were kneeling at his feet and he was sitting above you, like you were some child begging for leniency from the patriarch of the family. 

"Yes."

"Don't tell me you are still upset about me eating the last of your chocolates."

"That is what you think this is about. No, it is about the dress."

"Really? That is even worse than the chocolate argument."

"Excuse you, but not everybody takes it well when you cut a dress from their body and burn it in the fireplace. It was new!"

Thin eyebrows shot up and he gave you a nasty sneer as he recalled the incident that had occured last weekend. Oh, he had made it so apparent that he hated seeing that piece on you. 

"Why would you insist on clothing your body with that filth gifted to you by that mutt? He wasn't doing it to be a friend, he was doing it because he wanted you in his bed."

Scoffing, you rose to your feet and brushed the dirt of the trousers you were wearing. 

"Don't you think I noticed? He was being rather obvious about it. And before you accuse me of wanting to sleep with him - no, just no. But I wasn't going to say no to that expensive dress.

Since China wouldn't use the knife itself to directly harm you, he'll quickly brush this all off as an overreaction. Due to such an incident occurring rather early in the relationship, it would be easy to make you see your own actions as being unreasonable. Will do his best to make you feel guilty about the whole thing.

Would treat you like a brat afterwards. You better think of something good to make up to him. This treatment would go on for a while until you "prove" to him that you are mature. Yao will use this incident to his advantage in the future - such as making you turn two blind eyes to his red flags so that you can't be accused of overreacting. 

England

Arthur had his features drawn together in a pinched expression. Muscles in his cheeks jumped as he visibly kept his anger in check. Stretch a hand out to you. 

"Now, now darling. Be good and give me the knife", he said, with that soft, light tone that was more fitting when talking to a child than with you. It made your skin crawl. It made you grip the knife in your hand ever tighter. 

"No."

"Don't draw this out longer than it has to be. Give me the knife, and then you can go curl up on the couch 'till I'm finished tending to the fire.”

He was trying so hard to reason with you, to persuade you into complying with his will. But you know, that if you do, he’ll be no more lenient with you, than if you hadn’t. That is the part of the inherent cruelty of Arthur Kirkland. He is a callous and selfish man, who parades his supposed virtues not out of the pureness of his heart, but because they are fashionable. With you, there are enough times when he forgoes keeping up appearances, because it is not like you can leave him. 

And so the sheathed blades are unsheathed, and if you step out of line, a world of pain awaits you, both in the metaphorical and the literal sense. Arthur has an ideal that he wants you to live up to, and he doesn’t take it well when you break the mould. 

He took a step forward, and you one back. This couldn’t go on. Constantly he goaded you on being weak-willed and therefore needing him to make major decisions in your life - this was the opportunity to make him eat his words. 

All factors weren’t considered when you charged forwards, blade thrusted forward and aimed at the heart. The next few seconds passed in a blur, but afterwards, looking back on it, you knew what happened: 

The fire poker was pointed downwards and used to push the kitchen knife to the side. With the momentum you had put in the move, you weren’t able to take a step back and redeploy. His right arm wound itself around your outstretched one, fastening you to his side. The poker moved swiftly, swinging over the outer side of your elbow and the tip found its home at your jugular. 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you wanted to be subdued by me. You know how aroused I get when I get to tame you. So tell me, did you want this all along?”, he asked coyly. 

A wild spark danced in his eyes, not akin to one that you had ever seen before. A hunter that only went after the biggest, most dangerous quarry and delighted in the fight itself. The scent of blood and sweat, the screams of the dying - you had feared Arthur before, but this was a different story. There had been to much ease with how simply he turned the tables. Perhaps fears of him being a berserker at heart were well founded. 

You tried to wind out of the lock, and subsequently bent your arm. Thankfully, the poker was no longer a few milimetres from penetrating your neck, but now it was pressing you down by the elbow. The strength behind the move forced you to give in and follow the course that Arthur was directing you to. Being led around like that, you were forced to make an arc around him. The fire poker pressed your elbow towards him, giving you no choice but to flop down on your back. 

Hand and metal implement vanished and you breathed deeply. Arthur was still standing in front of the fireplace, the fire shining behind him. That, and with him standing over you, made him look like some angel about to punish you for your sins. 

“If you have to attack, then never do so half heartedly or when full of rage. I can tell you this, because either way, you never stand a chance of winning against me.”

Arthur would be very irritated in this whole matter. But if you are so insistent, then he’ll gladly play teacher to his new, so willing pupil and give you a lesson that you wouldn’t forget so fast. With all the years of combat experience and practice in swordsmanship under his belt, his victory would be a given. He would even go so far as to say he would be able to defeat you with a cooking spoon. 

Would make a whole game out of it. It has been so long since he has had a decent sparring partner that he might as well train you up to par. That way, he could easily demonstrate his superiority on a regular basis, he would have the perfect conditions to bully you, and you would get to release all those pesky emotions of yours that otherwise make you so disagreeable. Win-win, right?

France

You glowered at France. The bastard was sitting across from you, arms crossed in front of him and with a disgustingly smug grin on his obnoxious face. It was sickening really, the whole thing was sickening, and he was acting as if justice had been served. 

So far, you had managed to avoid eating the meat part of the dish, and had wasted a lot of time pushing around the chips and carrots before consuming them. The piece of meat was covered with cheese, something that you had decided on so that you wouldn't have to see it, that you wouldn't have to smell it.

Cooking your beloved pet had been bad enough as it was. The scent of blood still lingered in your nose, and even now that last panicked scream echoed in your ears. 

Now it would be time to start eating it; there was nothing else left on your plate.

You wanted to puke. 

Grabbing sideways, you managed to get the knife in your grasp. You didn't even look as to where the offending thing went exactly. Eyes were just focused on his face, and the time went in that general direction. He even had to duck.

The next moments didn't register by you, as you buried your face in your hands and sobbed loudly. All of this just because of one man's jealousy. With a sweeping motion, you sent the plate crashing to the floor, not caring that the results of you resisting your punishment. 

You just wanted this whole nightmare to be over. 

France wouldn't really be the sort to resort to physical violence, except if very specific circumstances apply, like war, colonialism or dealing with treason to the nation. Since that can't really be expected, the knife would be an instrument in your psycological torture. In the case described above, that would take the form of forcing you to kill, process and eat a pet that he is jealous of. 

In his eyes, you should be his lover and not share your love with somebody or something that isn't him or his. If you would not let him bask in your love and attention, then drastic measures shall be needed. And what is more valuable than a life? 

Russia

With a nauseating squelch, the knife buried itself in the meat of his shoulder. Blood sprayed upwards and some of it immediately seeped out of the wound. A loud grunt broke the silence as your victim was torn from his sleep through the violence. 

You wanted to wrench the blade out while you still had the chance, but it was harder to pull out than you thought. Perhaps the force behind the blow had been enough to lodge the knife in the bone. It apparently wasn't sharp enough to effortlessly slide out of it. 

On top of that, Ivan scooted out of the bed before you could dislodge the blade, fast despite the injury and the sleep weariness. Your captor stood a good few metres away, the twilight of the room making him look like some giant beast. The heavy panting and the knife handle sticking out of his shoulder only added to that image. 

"Are you insane?", he hissed. 

One large hand reached up and pulled. Now the blade came out in a fluid motion, and drops of blood sprayed forward. Due to the very loose nightshirt that he was wearing, you hadn't managed to emesh the fabric with the wound - the metal had only penetrated human tissue. 

Ivan hadn't even let out a single grunt of pain. Even now, when blood was running down his chest, then disappearing down the hemline of the shirt, staining it red, he seemed unfazed.

"You're one to talk", you snapped back. "Did it never occur to you that I might get fed up with the way you treat me and decide to retaliate?" 

He scoffed and stepped closer to you. The knife was tossed to the side, and he glowered. 

"And did it ever occur to you that I don't punish you because I find it fun, but because you need to learn that your actions have consequences? You are not some child, so you should know better than to think I'll simply let you do as you please. Though, from the stunt you've pulled now, I'm actually inclined to reassess my thoughts about your maturity", he stated. 

With each word, he took a step closer until his toes were touching yours. A strange crawling motion could be seen in the area of the wound, like it didn't want to accept the parting. 

"Oh, and weren't you of that same opinion when you put me over your knee and gave me a hiding with the flat side of that blade?", you challenged him. Oh the terror had quickly morphed into humiliation once you had realised what was going on. 

"Perhaps you should stop behaving like a sugar-addled brat then."

The skin and meat knitted itself together, a grotesk acceleration and bastardisation of the natural heal process. Ivan signed in relief and took his attention off of you and inspected the scarless skin, rolling his shoulder and flexing his muscles. 

Your heart dropped and your thoughts slowed to a standstill in shock. You had severely underestimated him.

"And also not turn to being a traitor. You know very well what I do with those."

Ivan would take your actions against him as treason and if there is something that he can't tolerate, it is a traitor. Gone are all the privileges and outings and affection. If you aren't quick to make up to him and express your remorse and see the error of your ways, you're going to have a long road ahead of you. You'll have to work hard to get back into his good graces; even just getting him to treat you with human decency would take a while. 

In his eyes, if you choose such disproportionate retaliation in response to his actions, then you either have an attitude problem or something went wrong in your upbringing. He'll be happy to correct that. It'll range from what you are allowed to eat, to the media you consume, to your bedtime. Imagine a strict headmistress or matron. 

A/N: The move I described is actually a real technique used with one handed sword. It was a cool day learning that one. 

France was hard to write, so I decided to keep it short. 

[cygnus-cypres777]

Pick a Pile Tarot Reading- Why did I have this dream? Dream TAROT

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

PILE 1 - Eye Photo

Why did you have this dream or what did your dream mean?

You may have had a dream with a couple different people, there may have been an ancestor trying to reach out to you they want to help protect you at this time. I feel like you are very in tune with you subconscious emotions and your dreams may be very vivid. You feel a calling like the dream world is calling to you, maybe you are being more called to an unconventional spiritual path, if so, go for it.

Water will be very healing for you at this time, taking baths with Epsom salt or drinking tea and healing with water will be very good for you. You also may be a water sign, Cancer, Scorpio, or a Pisces. I am also getting Leo energy. Your dream may have been telling you that the connection you feel to your lineage or family line is real and your spirit guides may be trying to connect you with your ancestors. This is a very fertile and verdant time for you. I feel like you may be connected with swans or cranes or geese, these animals may be a sign for you. You are healing a lot in your sleep and this is an important thing for you at this time.

You are also very mentally active during the day so at night you get to mentally unwind. You may have dreams about being active or traveling. This means that you are motivated and plan for the future in you unconscious mind.

You may also be creative and like Japanese Studio Ghibli films.

You may want to look into the "Anima and Animus" archetypes as this may prove to be helpful for you.

Thank you for reading <3 Blessed Be.

_____________________________________________________________

PILE 2 - Moon Book Photo

Why did you have this dream or what did your dream mean?

You might dream about things you want to manifest and might enjoy reading. If you dream about conquering your fears this is a good sign. You may be a person who lucid dreams or does astral travel, it is good when you are able to make decisions in your dreams and it helps you problem solve in real life. You are maybe dreaming about rivers and bodies of water, as well as sculpting or shaping clay or removing obstacles. You may be dreaming about places you lived while you were growing up. This is you reflecting on your past and healing.

You might be having dreams about flying, this is a sign that you are looking for freedom. Freedom will come to you when you take action.

You might be wanting to be more healthy in your life, this is affecting your sleep and dreams. Look into the term "Sleep Hygiene" as this may be beneficial for you at this time. You might be dreaming about forests or jungles. You may be dreaming about old friends and you are longing for them in the astral.

You may be a Sagittarius or a Fire Sign- Sun, Moon, or Rising. Aires, Leo, or Sagittarius.

Conquering your fears is an important theme in your dreams and this is healthy.

Thank you for reading <3 Blessed Be.

______________________________________________________________

PILE 3 - Stargirl Photo

Why did you have this dream or what did your dream mean?

You may be having dreams about different animals and animals might be showing up as omens in your dreams. You may be seeing, dolphins, cats, rabbits, butterflies, or deer. These all may be signs for you. You might be seeing signs from your past life in your dreams, or you might just be feeling really connected to your higher self right now. You might have an old flame or relationship who keeps showing up in your dreams. This is your subconscious dealing with this and moving on.

Sacred Geometry and Shapes may be showing up in your dreams. You should google what different shapes mean, like the universal hexagram as well as circles and triangles. You may be at a standstill at the moment and your dreams are showing you what you need to let go of and release so that you have room to grow. You may be having a few nightmares lately and this might be about something you need to face in your waking life.

You have a very strong and lively spirit and you are very protected.

Thank you for reading <3 Blessed Be.

[theromaboo]

@just-late-roman-republic-things seems to be plowing through Suetonius Augustus and I am here for it!

Your mention of the dinosaur bones that Augustus used as home decoration reminds me of a story about Tiberius! (I swear, everything recently has been reminding me about Tiberius!)

By the way, finding the ancient source for this story was shit! I remembered reading this like a year ago, and I had forgotten which ancient source this was from. Using my critical thinking skills ("hmmm tiberius hmmmm dinosaur"), I assumed that this story came from Pliny's Natural History.

It did not.

I was searching through the Natural History for so long that I was starting to wonder if I had made the story up!

After searching through the Natural History for ages, I finally used more critical thinking skill and was like "Hmmm. Maybe if I google this, I could find an article about the event and maybe possibly it would cite a specific part of the Natural History!"

I googled it, found an article about the event, and it cited Phlegon's Book of Marvels.

Whoopsie! I was looking through the wrong book this whole time! In my defense, Pliny and Phlegon actually are pretty similar names if you squint sooo...

(it was however worth it to look through the Natural History because I found the funniest story about Tiberius ever but that's a story for another day)

Now that I have the ancient source of this story, I can finally tell it!

Basically, there was an earthquake which opened up all sorts of cracks on the ground. And in those cracks, there were dinosaur bones!

The people were pretty spooked so they took a tooth and sent it to Rome. And this was a massive tooth.

The tooth was showed to Tiberius and he was asked if he wanted the rest of the bones. He was like "Well, I'm really curious about this thing, and I'm aching to get an idea of what size it was, but it feels like graverobbing to take the rest of the bones."

So Tiberius got some dude called Pulcher who was skilled in geometry. Tiberius asked him to make a face in proportion to the tooth. The dude estimated the size of the creature using its tooth as a reference and then showed Tiberius a construction of it he had made. Tiberius said that looking at the construction was good enough and sent the tooth back where it came from.

Tiberius and (especially) Pulcher, the world's first paleontologists!

I love this story. It's wild. Though I do wonder what happened to the construction. Did Tiberius keep it?

If Tiberius randomly showed up at my door one day, I'd bring him to Drumheller to go to the Royal Tyrrell Museum. Alberta is one of the most boring places in the world but we do have a banging dinosaur museum!

On the hours-long drive there, I will most certainly give him like a billion questions, though. "How was Caligula like? How was Augustus like? How were you like? How was Livia like? How was Sejanus like? Actually, scratch this. Name every single person you know and tell me how they were like and how they looked like. What did you do in Capri? Explain your entire life from beginning to end, giving extra attention to the personal parts! I don't want to hear about wars I want to hear about what people were like! Could you read Suetonius to me and point out parts where he's wrong? Could we watch Domina together and you can tell me if you like your characterization or not?"

For everyone's sake, it's good that dead Roman emperors usually don't randomly show up sometimes (not counting whatever the fuck was happening right after Nero died!)

If you want to read the Tiberius Tooth sTory (haha Triple T) for yourself, you can here. Look for §13.

[saffronapplemanga]

Tenmaku no Jadoogar: A Witch’s Life in Mongol - 天幕のジャードゥーガル

HISTORICAL, DRAMA

Tenmaku no Jadoogar: A Witch's Life in Mongol by Tomato Soup

(1 volume, ongoing)

JP only. Hopefully, it gets licensed! Please hire me to translate this, publishing companies. The first 5 chapters are up for free in JP here.

Links to my other manga posts here

An Irani girl named Fatima who’s a captive of the Mongol Empire and uses her education to her advantage??? 

Hello, my name is Fatimah, I’m half Irani, and it’s finally my time >:)

I hope you guys are ready for history and cultural lessons! I worked really hard on this post and she’s a long one... I literally just came back from an Iran trip and got some books, took pictures, and consulted people who know more than me for this post (the trip wasn't for the post, that was a coincidence lolllll).

This series won first place in the オンナ編 (Female Category) for the このマンガがすごい！2023 / Kono Manga ga Sugoi 2023 / “This Manga is Amazing! 2023″ which is a rather prestigious award. I’ve talked about the Male Category’s 1st, 2nd, 3rd place winners (2nd place will have a dedicated post one day), and plan to talk about the Female Category’s 4th and 6th place winners eventually. I guess I have good taste, what can I say? Jk, jk, but check the links if you’re interested :)

This post will be broken up into the following sections - What's It About? - Some Background - Representation - My Localization Choices - Story - Art - Culture Time! - Let's Talk Religion - The First Word From God, "Read".

Enjoy!

What's It About?

I usually don't like to go into plot details too much so you can discover the story for yourself. But since it isn't currently accessible in English at all, I figured I’d summarize the first chapter so you at least know what it’s about. Then I’ll summarize the rest of the chapters in a spoiler section for those who are interested. That way, we can all be informed enough to discuss it. I might touch on themes or other things outside the first chapter in the discussion, but I’ll try to do it in a way that doesn’t spoil for those of you who want to wait and read it for yourselves.

Chapter 1

We kick off with a rather poetic reference to scholars using geometry to measure the earth and the idea of trying to quantify fate. In 13th-century Iran/Persia, in the city of Tous, we meet a family looking for a domestic worker. The family is a woman, Fatima, who is newly widowed, her son, Mohamed, and her brother. A slave trader offers her some options, but they are rather pricey. So he suggests she take a little girl, Sitara, for a heavily discounted price. The slave trader asks Fatima to educate Sitara since they are a scholarly family, so she does.

However, Sitara plays dumb to ensure her value as a slave stays low. That way, no one would bother taking her to faraway lands to sell her for higher prices as she wants to stay close to her home to try and go back. Sitara tries to sneak out and runs into Mohamed, who talks to her about why he thinks learning is so great. He inspires her to pursue an education so she can have the tools to handle whatever life throws at her. Mohamed wants to travel and learn from others to find the "truth" for himself. He promises Sitara that he'll write letters to her and his mother, which further inspires her to learn to read.

The chapter ends with Mohamed leaving Tous, and the narrator tells us it was the last time Mohamed and Sitara ever saw each other.

Chapters 2-5

I'm going to speed through the rest now that we got the setup out of the way.

***SPOILERS FOR CHAPTERS 2-5***

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8 years have passed since Mohamed left and Sitara has been pursuing an education under the direction of Fatima and her brother. While the Tous army is investigating strange activity near their borders, Fatima shows Sitara some things her late husband left behind such as books and astrology tools.

As the Mongols are closing in on Tous, Fatima and Sitara hunker down in a cellar to wait the threat out. Unfortunately, they're found, and one of the Mongol princes takes a book that belonged to Fatima's late husband. Sitara tries to stand up to him, causing her to be attacked. Fatima takes the blow, saying, "Don't touch my daughter," before passing away.

Tous is razed to the ground, and its citizens killed or driven out and forced to march to the Mongol camp. Sitara finds out that the city of Neyshabur, the city Mohamed is studying at, was also attacked. His whereabouts are unknown.

Interestingly, the Mongol prince was specifically looking for the book he took since his fiance had asked him for it. However, the book is in Persian and they are unable to read it. Sitara meets a boy who is interpreting for the Mongols in an effort to make himself more useful to avoid becoming a meat shield in battles for them. While he can speak Mongolian and Persian, he can't read. But, Sitara can. He asks her to team up with him to help each other become more valuable to their capturers. Sitara will read the stolen book, and the boy will translate. He suggests she come up with a more "elegant" or "majestic" name before presenting herself to the Mongol princes. She steps into their tent and introduces herself as "Fatima".

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***END OF SPOILERS FOR CHAPTERS 2-5***

Some Background

Quick disclaimer, I'm by no means an expert. A lot of this is what I know and what I've experienced. I might have to make some generalizations or else we're gonna be here all day.

I feel like I’m about to overshare but I want to offer my perspective on this series. I don’t get to do this often so indulge me please lol. This background is so you have an idea of some things that influenced my perspective on this story.

For those of you new around here, I'm a Kuwaiti/Irani-American, Japanese to English translator (I speak English, Arabic, and Japanese).

What that means more specifically is that I've grown up/lived in America my whole life, visiting Kuwait when we could, until I moved to Japan after college. My parents are both Kuwaiti with Kuwaiti fathers, born and raised, but both of their mothers are Irani. They know Farsi to varying degrees of fluency as a second language. I never learned it since their first language is Arabic and that was the language they focused on teaching me while living in America. They usually spoke Farsi if they wanted to keep me and my brother out of a conversation between adults, rude. But I can sometimes pick up on some things being said. One of my best friends is Irani-American (Her name is also Fatimah! It's a ridiculously popular name) and our experiences are quite different, but there's overlap as well!

For those of you who don't know where Kuwait is. It's a tiny little country in the northern end of the Persian Gulf in Western Asia. FYI "Mina" in "Mina Al Ahmadi," which you can see on the map, means "port".

Most of our Kuwaiti relatives have Irani roots and some Turkish. There are a lot of ethnic groups in Kuwait because it started out as a port city that was a part of the Silk Road network. (I actually wanna study the Silk Road more!) So lots of people from all over gathered there. There are black Kuwaitis, those with blonde hair and blue eyes (my mom's relatives are like this), those with more East Asian features (my cousins), those with darker features (my dad's side), etc.

The Silk Road in the 1st century, courtesy of Wikipedia. You can see the route going through Kuwait. It was specifically part of the Maritime Silk Road route.

Because of all the trade, you can see the influences of many other regions in the food, clothes, language, culture, and so on.

But, yeah! History is cool.

Representation

I am indeed one of those people who is annoyingly passionate about representation. Like, I could write a whole Master’s dissertation on why it’s so important, but I’ll spare you… for now. More eloquent people have already done so anyways.

As you can imagine, I’m not used to seeing myself represented in media. And any representation I did get, was… well, how do I put this… not great? Bad™ actually. Beyond racist tbh. So can you blame me for being excited? I’m still mad about that one episode of Grey’s Anatomy when that girl whipped off her scarf/hijab to save a patient IN A FULLY STOCKED HOSPITAL!!! That would never fucking happen ;_; like imagine if you pulled your pants off to put pressure on a wound when the gauze is literally right there. I CAN’T, where do I even begin??? But I digress.

And even if I wasn’t a person from this culture, it’s just cool to see rep we don’t usually get! For example, Requiem of the Rose King is fresh in my mind right now, but having an intersex main character is not something I recall seeing. While not intersex myself, nor a noble from ye olde times, I related to Richard a lot and appreciate what the story did. I can see people from other cultures relating to Tenmaku no Jadoogar, or simply just learning new things about a culture we don’t get to see a lot of rep about. (I plan to write a follow-up post after I finish the series and talk about the rep in Rose King a bit more.)

My Localization Choices

There are no official spellings for this manga, so some explanations as to why I wrote things the way I did. Thankfully, these are all real-world names with context, so I'm not pulling nonsense out of thin air. Localizing uncommon/made-up names is... hard... traumatic flashbacks to when I had to look up official spellings for Gundam and Kamen Rider and the client didn't give me glossaries... Literally did research about Sypha Belnandes' name localization being all over the place for this blog post. Spoiler, I don’t think it was supposed to be Belnandes.

It really be like that...

Sitara - シタラ "Shitara". This isn't a name I was familiar with, so I asked my mom and Irani-American friend if it sounded like a name they knew. I wanted to say "Sitra" sounds like something that has a more "West Asian pronunciation" than the Japanese pronunciation in the manga. I was wrong and it's "Sitara" which means "star" just like what they said in the story.

Fatima - ファーティマ "Fātima". Same as my name! It's a super popular name. I katakana-fied my name as ファティーマ, which is the same, I just put the dash that elongates the sound in a different place. Why? Fatima is an Arabic name فَاطِمَة. In classical Arabic, it's pronounced like Fā-dtee-ma or Fadt-ma in Kuwaiti Arabic (the letter طِ doesn't exist in EN/JP and the best way I can describe it is it's like D+T sound.) An Irani pronunciation is more like Fā-teh-meh, which is what my grandma and Irani-American friends call me. In English, I personally pronounce my name like Fa-tee-ma, but people have various preferences. So basically, I took the Arabic and English pronunciations and katakana-fied it how I thought it would sound best in Japanese. And no one has ever pronounced my name wrong in Japan since katakana is phonetic and is actually pronounced how it's spelled. Wild I know. Meanwhile in America... *cries* I have a half-Irani-half-Japanese acquaintance who doesn't put any elongated sound in her name like ファティマ, and it's all just preference tbh. There are also different ways you can spell it in English, but "Fatima" is the most common way.

Mohamed - モハンマド "Mohanmado". This one is pretty straightforward. I think most people are familiar with this name. Also super popular. There are various English spellings as well, so I just went with a common, shorter spelling.

The title, 天幕のジャードゥーガル Tenmaku no Jadougal (this is how it's romanized on anilist), also doesn't have an official translation. It basically translates to Witch of the Marquee. Tenmaku="tent/marquee" in Japanese. ジャードゥーガル comes from جادوگر "jadoogar" meaning "witch" in Farsi. The romanization of the title should actually be Tenmaku no Jadoogar. There is no "L" in Japanese, so it often becomes "R". In Japanese, ジャードゥーガル is "Jādoogaru". Without context, it's often hard to tell if it's supposed to be "L" or "R" so I don't blame them for the mistake. But yeah, that's why I wrote it as Tenmaku no Jadoogar for the title at the top of the post. How do I contact the anilist admins about correcting that? Lol. The way my brain is short-circuiting trying to combine Japanese, English, my nonexistent Arabic reading skills since Farsi uses basically the same alphabet, and consulting my Farsi "sources"... my brain can only handle two of the three languages I speak at the same time...

1/7/23 EDIT: I asked anilist to fix the spelling of the title and it's been changed!

Shout out to Fatimah #2 for putting up with all my questions <3 Farsi has some extra letters that aren't in Arabic and I didn't know about that one...

Story

I’m starting to realize that I really dig historical fiction. Things like Requiem of the Rose King (current read, I'm obsessed), Vinland Saga, Bride’s Story (a priority TBR of mine), and Ertugrul (this one is a Turkish drama, highly recommend!) are so fascinating because we get to take a peek at what life used to be like, especially if the author did their homework. This story reminds me of Ertugrul at times since they both take place in West Asia during the 13th century, and the characters in both had run-ins with the Mongols.

This baddie took out three Mongolian soldiers on her own!!! Well, her horse helped. Horses are great. I'm a horse girl, literally took riding lessons for ~4 years.

I found out while researching for this post that this story is in fact based on a real person in history! Here's the Wikipedia page, more info here by Dr. Jack Weatherford who wrote a book that I'm totally going to read once I can get my hands on it. I think this manga is going in a similar vein as Vinland Saga where the events are real historical events, and some characters were actual people in history, but the author is going to take creative liberties. (Check out Merphy Napier and Philip Chase's Vinland Saga discussions. They're great and Philip has a lot of historical knowledge relevant to that series that's super informative!)

The characters are lovable and interesting. I like Sitara's spunk, Mohamed's thoughtfulness, and Fatima's gentle nature, just to name a few. The relationship Sitara has with Mohamed and Fatima was very sweet. I'm interested to see how the relationship that I mentioned at the end of chapter 5 goes. Also intrigued by the bits of relationship dynamics with the Mongolian characters we have so far.

I got super excited when the theme of "learning/education" came up. Seeing how that looked back in 13th-century Persia, which was a hotspot for advances in many fields, is so cool! This story led me to do some research and asking around on topics I was familiar with, but not an expert on, and I learned things about my own culture/religion. More on learning and education later. But overall, a strong start and I can't wait to read more!

Art

My twitter reading thread for this series

The art is very stylized, like a chibi-esque style with Persian art influences. I like the contrast between the simplified shapes and the detailed bits. I’m a big fan of inky blacks and white whites. I know all manga is black and white but this one feels like it has more contrast due to the simplified shapes. It's got tons of charm!

The shoujo-esque flowery background, but make it Irani-flavored✨ It looks like the rug we got in Iran!

Some pictures I took at historical sites in Tehran with more examples of flowery imagery. Sorry if the image quality sucks, I didn't have my good camera :(

Culture Time!

As soon as I saw this cover, I felt a sense of familiarity. Particularly, the style of henna on her hands made me go, “Hey! That’s similar to how we do our henna!” While we also do the mehndi style henna (Is that the right term? Help) in Kuwait because of Indian influences due to longtime trade, we have another kind as well. You take the paste and hold it in your hands while curling your fingertips into it.

I had such a hard time finding pics that weren’t the intricate mehndi design ones. I would’ve just put henna on my own hands and taken a pic to show what I’m talking about, but it’s winter and it’s not good to use henna in winter because it has a cooling effect. I put henna on in winter once, and it made me so much colder. But makes you feel nice and cool in the summer! That’s why it’s traditionally applied to the head, hands, and feet, which are places you have a lot of heat dissipate from and it saps the heat away. I remember my mom doing that for me and my brother all the time when we were little during summer.

But! With the help of my mom, she helped me narrow it down. I didn't know the actual name of this style of henna. I just called it Kuwaiti-style henna lol. Apparently, it's حنه قصعة henna gasa'a, and bingo!

It doesn't show super well here, but the tops of the fingertips are also dyed like on the cover of the manga. Love that nazar ring though, so cute! 🧿

This is the mehndi style henna that people are most familiar with.

When I was little, I assumed that henna was made from soil because there are soils that can dye things a reddish color. But it's actually from a plant! The leaves are ground into a powder and then made into a paste when you want to use it.

Health, cleanliness, and hygiene are big deals in Islam. Other than being used for beauty and it’s cooling effect, henna is also used to keep oneself clean and smelling nice. It’s said that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) utilized henna as well.

I actually didn't know much about Iran's henna culture. When I asked my Irani-American friend whose family is from Tehran (northern Iran), she said she wasn't familiar with any. But like Kuwait, Iran has a lot of ethnic groups. It's also a large region (it used to be a whole empire and all that, too), so there are definitely people who do use it!

Turkmen Iranis, dying their fingertips with henna, exactly like in the manga! My family are Turk, too! (From a book I picked up a few days ago in Iran, "Nomads: Migrating with Swallows". What a pretty title...)

The clothing of the characters also felt very familiar. The cover of volume one reminded me of this picture:

Maku Kurd girl ("Nomads: Migrating with Swallows")

Iran grows tons of fruit, herbs, and flowers, famously roses! Rose water is a staple we pretty much always had at home.

Rose water is used for medicinal purposes and has antibacterial and anti-inflammatory qualities. People often wash up with it since it has a lovely fragrance and makes you smell nice. It's also used in foods and desserts or added to drinking water for flavor and health benefits.

Sitara bringing Fatima rose water. It looks just like this 12th-century rose water container. We still have containers like this nowadays and I actually used one to wash my hands recently.

Faloodeh (Persian Lime and Rose Water Granita With Rice Noodles), Bastani Sonati (Saffron and Rose Water Ice Cream), in Kuwait we say Sharbat Nimil but apparently, it's Tokhm-e Sharbatie in Iran (Rose Water and Basil Seed Drink) Fun fact: Sharbat Nimil means "ant drink" because the seeds look like... ants... and the thought freaked me out as a kid, I never wanted to drink it. I thought my aunt was messing with me but my parents said, "Yeah, no, that's actually what it's called."

Dates! Another staple. Always have some in the house.

These are ripe dates. We call them "tamar". Sweet, delicious, amazing.

These are fresh dates! We call them "khalal". Sweet, crunchy, amazing.

The architecture was also, you guessed it, familiar as well. Particularly the courtyards! It really took me back.

Courtyards! My Irani grandma (also Fatima, I told you it was a popular name...) had a courtyard home in Kuwait too, but less fancy, and she had a huge date tree instead of a fountain. We would play there all the time when we visited. Also reminds me of the houses in some of the Irani movies I've seen.

Let's Talk Religion

I know religion is historically always a fun and totally not divisive topic, but we're all going to be civil and discuss stuff like adults. I'm not trying to convert anyone, I swear. Chasing after people and forcing religion down their throats is actually frowned upon in Islam believe it or not. I’m also not saying it’s a better religion than others or anything of the sort so don’t come for me. It's just relevant to the story and I'm hoping we can interact in good faith, so let's talk.

I am NOT a scholar, this is just what I know and my understanding so please don't quote me. I probably have to gloss over and simplify a lot because there's... too much.

There are various interpretations of Islam. The Quran, to my understanding, is meant to have its interpretations evolve over time to address the issues of people no matter the time or place. Issues faced centuries ago might not be as pressing now, or we might have new issues today that weren't a thing back in the day. Iranians mainly practice Shia Islam, which is also the sect I know most about so that's what we're focusing on.

Islam is the fastest-growing religion. It's also quite misunderstood due to hate/misinformation, AND — I'm gonna just say it, there are Muslims who have skewed interpretations of Islam's teachings. Am I the perfect Muslim and my interpretations are law? I didn't say that, obviously not. But I'm going to call it how I see it. I don't take sides and I'm not going to defend someone just because they identify as Muslim if they're doing stuff that doesn't make sense (that would be un-Islamic and just... dumb imo). But anyways, there are a few points I’d like to touch on so we all have a base understanding.

Many people think that Allah (SWT) is “the Muslim god” but actually, he’s the same god that brought down the Bible and Torah. He's just... God. This is why you’ll see a lot of crossover between these religions. And Christian Arabs, for example, say Allah because that’s just God in Arabic.

Why did God come up with different religions? It’s my understanding each religion was what the people needed at the time. (Also because of the next point)

Muslims DO believe in the original Bible and Torah, but historically there's evidence that these books have been altered by people over the years. (Again, I'm not saying your religion is wrong if you're Christian or Jewish. You do you.) Then what about the Quran? I’ll actually address that later.

Muslims DO believe in Jesus. We just think he's a prophet instead of the son of God or God.

Cool? Cool.

Now to address some religion-related things that came up in the story.

The part where there is the selling of slaves made me raise an eyebrow since slavery is not allowed in Islam, because, duh.

I did some research and asked around. I was able to talk to my Irani-American friend's aunt when I visited them during my Iran trip last week since she's studied this kind of stuff. She joked that I should save myself the trouble and not touch the slavery topic, especially with Americans since it's... like... a super touchy topic. But this is an important topic and we should talk about important topics instead of shying away from them — respectfully, of course. And maybe we can all learn something. It was a perspective on slavery that was very different from what I'm used to hearing about in America. She essentially confirmed what I was thinking.

The Quran envisions the ideal society as one in which slavery no longer exists. Since slavery was such a widespread issue around the whole world back in the olden days, (it still is an issue today, but I'm assuming it was worse back then) it was unfortunately unrealistic to try and abolish it in one fell swoop. Again, this isn’t just abolishing in one country or region, but tackling the issue worldwide. So, in Islam, the idea is that there are steps in place to phase it out. For example:

No free people can be enslaved, duh.

People cannot be enslaved due to debt or crime.

You are encouraged to help slaves buy their way to freedom by giving them money to do so or buying them to free them.

If you are in possession of a slave, you should free them.

If you house a slave, you must treat them well.

This last one is just an interesting thing I didn’t know about that I saw in my research and it came up in the story — Slaves get half the punishment for a sin than if the same sin was committed by a free person.

I wondered why then, did Fatima's family, not free Sitara and the other slaves? It didn’t look like they had anything stopping them from running away either. Sure, Sitara got scolded by another slave for trying to leave, but she could have tried again and run away. The other slaves in the story seemed like they wanted to/were okay with staying, even though they did wish they could go home and felt homesick. So what’s up?

It's my understanding that back then, it was common for people to take slaves into their families, offer shelter and educate them. It was a way to take them off the streets, away from the slave traders, and keep them safe.

Why not just take everyone back to their homes? Various reasons. They might be in danger if they try to go back. They might not have anywhere to go back to. Also, this was the 13th century. It's not like they could just hop on a plane and go home. There's also no law enforcement the way we have today. Hell, even with all the local and international law enforcement of today, slavery is still a major issue.

Sitara wants to go home but has no home to go back to.

Is this ideal? As I mentioned, ideally slavery wouldn't even be a thing. I’m pretty sure we can all agree slavery=bad. I'm not here to argue that. But I also think it's important to try and understand what things were like back then and why people did what they did. A lot of times I see people measure things with their standards that were developed in modern day, with their own life experience. You need to be careful when doing that. I'm sure in the future, people will look back at us like, "Damn, y'all lived like that???"

Perhaps, this was the best the average person could do. Try to protect them and offer them shelter and an education. As long as we don’t live in an ideal world, we need to consider various solutions to issues. So this was an interesting way to try and tackle the issue given the time and circumstances. It’s rather different from what I think most Americans know about this subject.

Did everyone do this? I'm going to say probably not. Terrible people always exist. Plus there are plenty of people who say they practice a religion, but cherry-pick what they want to follow, do the opposite, have distorted understandings of its teachings, or just downright weaponize religion to suit them. That's a whole other discussion though, so I'll leave it there.

I would like to read more about this topic though, so if anyone knows any sources, let me know!

The First Word From God - "Read"

"Slave or not, it is a Muslim's duty to seek knowledge, as stated in the hadiths."

What's a hadith? Here you go. Also, this is the OG Fatima, Lady Fatima (PBUH).

When God first sent the angel Gabriel down to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), his first word to him was, "read". Education and seeking knowledge are SUPER important in Islam, and should not be kept from anyone regardless of race, gender, etc. Seeking knowledge will make you a more rational, well-rounded person. Knowledge in this context is broad and all-encompassing. It doesn't only mean religion, math, and science, but philosophy, art, and so on. Literally anything. I hope I don't really need to convince anyone that education is a human right and empowering and all that stuff, so let's keep it moving.

"Isn't that what learning is all about?"

To address this earlier point:

Muslims DO believe in the original Bible and Torah, but historically there's evidence that these books have been altered by people over the years. Then what about the Quran?

Tbh, I hesitated to include this part because people might misinterpret or take offense. To reiterate for the umpteenth time, I'm not saying your religion is wrong if you're Christian or Jewish. You do you. We’re actually told to respect believers of these religions. I swear!

So, yeah. Moving on.

Another reason seeking knowledge is an obligation in Islam is so that you are able to read the Quran for yourself. When loads of people read it, memorize it, and are familiar with it, any changes will not go unnoticed. This is to stop people from weaponizing and distorting the Quran's teachings. And this is why there is only ONE Quran, and not multiple versions (I’m not talking about translated Qurans).

In general, having knowledge about things makes you less susceptible to being lied to or misled, regardless of the topic. Unfortunately, I'm in the camp where I believe not enough people do their own research and reading. And again, I don't just mean religion, but everything. That kind of thing takes effort, and effort is hard.

Go read!

You're Still Here?

Like the first-place winner for the Male Category, The Summer Hikaru Died, which I’ve been pushing on anyone who will listen since volume one hit bookstores in Japan, Tenmaku no Jadoogar: A Witch's Life in Mongol deserves to win the Female Category. From what I can see so far, it’s well researched and written with love. I'm looking forward to seeing how this story unfolds and I may add more thoughts as we go.

Volume 2 is due to come out February 16th, so I’ll be tweeting my thoughts on my reading thread. The link to this post is on Twitter here if you want to share it there. EDIT: Volume 2 post is up!

If there's anything else you'd like to see me discuss or expand on, let me know and I'll see what I can do. I'd love to hear what others think!

I await your email publishers, my resume is ready... fatimahhajiasiri@gmail.com

🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿

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If there’s any Japanese-only manga you want me to check out, let me know! No promises, I’ll only read what I’m interested in, but I’ll take suggestions into consideration. Preferably, shorter manga or newer manga with a few volumes out since I like to take breaks from longer series I’m reading :)

[its-an-obsession]

Jealousy and No homework

Marvel Masterlist | Full Masterlist

Requested by @moonlight-ee.

A/N: This is a little similar to the Flirtacious Incident imagine. You don't have to read that to understand this one-shot.

Summary: One thing that Peter absolutely despised was the way guys would come up to you, starting up conversations just to annoy him. Gwen - your sister - thought it was hilarious to see the way Peter would clench his fists or tense his jaw. After one conversation with a guy, it took a little more than reassuring to tell Peter you were with him.

Notes:

Y/N/N: Your Nick Name

L/F/M: Least Favorite Movie

Gwen Stacy -> your sister

Warnings: a little makeout session at the end, but nothing major!

Peter Parker x-reader

"Y/N! Get up, we're gonna be late for school!" Gwen exclaimed, knocking on the door. I rolled over in bed and groaned when my sister ushered me to get up. "Come on! Peter's going to be here in a few minutes, and you know how he gets when we're late," she continued. I pulled my comforter off and stumbled over to my dresser.

After a few minutes, I changed, looking more presentable than before. I opened my door and made my way downstairs. My younger brothers sat at the kitchen island, chowing down some waffles my mother made. "Morning, sweetheart," my father kisses my forehead with a hand reaching towards the coffee mug beside the Keurig.

Gwen walked down the steps with her brown bag over her arm. She fixed the sleeve of her suit jacket. "Cute overalls," she complimented. "Thanks. They're yours," I replied, straightening the cuff of the golden brown's cuff.

"They're what?" she said.

I ignored her statement, smirking. She turned to me with furrowed brows. "Okay. Kids, I will be a little bit late home from work tonight, so dinner is up in the air," my mother said. She handed me a cup of coffee. I sat between Philip and Simon, Gwen joining my side. My mother handed us a plate of waffles with our topping of choice.

"Alright, boys, let's get to school," my father grabbed them by the shoulders and pushed them towards the front door.

We wished them a good day at school before finishing our breakfast. During our conversation, Peter had made his way up to the front door. He politely knocked on the door. I looked over my shoulder and shot him a smile. "We'll see you after school, mom," Gwen said. Our mom kissed us on the top of the head.

She handed us each a container of our favorite fruit, telling us to share it with Peter if he wanted some. I slipped on my white keds and grabbed my backpack from the bench. "Good morning, sweet boyfriend," I bowed. He rolled his eyes playfully and put an arm around my shoulders.

"I'm here too," Gwen pointed out.

"And hello, Gwen," Peter waved. After some walking, the three of us made it to school. My boyfriend opened the door for my sister and me. We weaved through the crowds of people, finally arriving at our lockers. Thankfully, all three of our lockers were somewhat in the same spot.

Peter held my backpack as I sifted through the textbooks, trying to figure out what I needed. "Hey. I promised Flash that I'd help with Geometry," Gwen said. "You're still helping him?" I said, setting my AP literature textbook at the bottom of the locker. "Yes, I am. He really needs help," Gwen closed the door to her locker.

She hugged her books, looking at our faces. "We'll see you in Ecology then," I said. She smiled and waved goodbye before disappearing into the crowd. "Can you believe that she's still tutoring him?" Peter commented. "No, no. I cannot," I responded. He chuckled and zipped up my backpack, handing it to me.

I thanked him and slipped my arm through the strap of the backpack. He opened his own locker while I helped him with his things. "Um, excuse me," someone cleared their throat behind me. I turned around, thinking it might've been the person with the locker underneath mine.

"Oh, Theo, hey," I said. "Hey. How are you doing?" he leaned against the other locker. He crossed his arms with a smirk on his face. His red hair was slicked back with the strong aroma of hair gel. Peter looked at Theo. "I'm doing okay," I replied.

Theo smirked and nodded along. He glanced behind him like he was looking for Gwen. "So, what're you doing tonight?" Theo questioned. Peter let out a sigh and grabbed the spine of his textbook. I could sense his anger and uneasiness. "Probably just staying in," I answered. "It seems like you do that a lot," Theo replied.

Peter's grasp on the book tightened, his fingers became red, and his knuckles a pale white. I tried to hint to Theo in any way that I wasn't interested. "Yeah, well, I'm more of a homebody," I stated. "I have an extra ticket to L/F/M, if you wanted to come with my friends and me," Theo offered.

He stole a glimpse at Peter, who was trying to ignore the situation. Peter shut his locker and held onto the strap of his backpack as it sat on his shoulder. "Thank you for the offer, but I'm not interested," I declined. Theo's brows raised.

He chuckled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his light-washed jeans. "And, I've got a boyfriend, and I don't think he'd appreciate me going out with someone who wouldn't want to just watch a movie," I remarked. "C'mon, I can tell you want me," Theo insisted.

"Yeah, I want you to leave me alone," I said. I waved him goodbye and led Peter to our Geography class. We walked to the aisle where we sat, joining our fellow group mates.

_________

(After school)

Peter laid across my bed, playing with a red rubber ball. He threw it up and caught it before it fell on his chest. I tapped my pencil on my chin while we worked on our project for Literature. We were to read two short stories and then compare them. Peter was quiet when we began working.

I'd like to think that it's his way of brainstorming, but it wasn't normal for him to only say something sometimes. I looked over my shoulder to see him looking at the emoji on the front of the rubber ball.

"Okay. I've got the first comparison done, have you started on the second one?" I asked. He sat up from the bed and grabbed his opened laptop from beside him. Peter looked through the document on his computer. "What's up with you? You've been quiet since we got out of school," I said, setting my pencil beside my computer.

He shrugged his shoulders and sat up in my bed. Peter set his computer on the pillow beside him. "Has that Theo guy asked you out before?" Peter asked. I closed my computer and walked to the bed, joining his side. "I mean, yeah, but I've always said I'm not interested or unavailable," I answered.

Peter tossed the ball between each of his hands, watching it as he played. I reached over and grabbed the rubber ball from him, and set it on the bedside table. "Why haven't you ever told me?" Peter questioned. "I didn't think it was necessary. Gwen has told him off a few times, and he just stopped talking to me," I responded.

"Except for this time, when I was with you," Peter nodded. I sighed, nodding as well. I looked to the side with a smile appearing on my face. "I thought that comeback to Theo's pickup line was pretty sick," Peter said.

"Really?"

"Really," he repeated. Peter leaned in to kiss me, further preventing me from speaking. I smiled against his lips with my hands pressing onto the mattress. Peter's hands rested on my waist, lightly pushing my green tank top.

Peter and I continued to kiss as articles of clothing were being thrown all over the place. The feeling of Peter’s lips trailed up the side of my neck. I yelped slightly when Peter leaned back and flipped me over. He hovered over me with a smile on his face. "I just can't believe you got jealous," I spoke.

"I wasn't jealous," he insisted. "Mmm, I think you were," I said, grabbing his collar to join my lips with his again. So, for the rest of the afternoon, we didn't get our homework done.

Taglist: @arabellelancastersstuff @simpforthemcu @radnickelmongerauthor @transias @leossmoonn @kasidy709 @carmellasworld @sh-tposter2021 @midnightstar-90 @nix-rose

If your username is crossed out, that means I couldn't find the page.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

I've been listless for too long, wasting my life by following the path of least resistance, but I've decided to take initiative and go back to school to get a degree that isn't worth less than the cardstock it's printed on.

Math was my passion growing up. It was fun and exciting to me, like solving a puzzle, and I wanted to be an unspecified brand of Scientist™ someday; my mom wanted me to be a mechanical engineer like my grampa. She decided my natural aptitude for math wasn't fast enough for her liking, so she skipped me ahead from algebra straight to AP calculus without geometry or trigonometry. I was completely out of my element, miles behind every other student, so she made me take two year-long homeschool courses in one month to help me catch up before I flunked out. It didn't help, it just made my existing course load even harder. I was burned out and I barely coasted by with a C- and a newfound hatred of math.

I never managed to grok calculus, and promptly forgot everything about it the second I graduated. When I learned that the major my mom wanted me to take in college would require more calculus and physics, I said fuck that and settled for something easy. I bounced around for my first two years, got my AA, and finally chose to pursue English (the greatest mistake of my life) because I had vague ideas of becoming an author, but my university had a shitty English department that didn't teach me anything. All they offered were glorified high school courses, "read a book, write an essay, take a multiple choice test, repeat. Congratulations you're an English major." I never learned grammar or style, I still don't know how to punctuate certain clauses, I completely wasted my final two years taking the most bare bones credits I needed to get a degree with no real goal after graduating. I went to college because it was expected of me, but my plan evaporated in high school because my mom pushed me too hard and even though I passed all my classes I feel like I failed miserably.

I want to go back. I want to retake the high school math I missed in my own time then reapply to my alma mater for another bachelor's program. I want to go into astronomy/astrophysics because all the science classes I took as electives in school were as fun and exciting as I'd hoped they would be, and I remembered that I loved to learn. I want to go back and try again with a real goal this time, to major in astrophysics so I could get a job, a career, doing what I'm good at and enjoy. It's not going to be easy, but I've been taking it easy my entire adult life and I'm trapped in my home town working as a cashier at a side-of-the-highway tourist trap motel at 26. I need to apply myself. I need to live up to the potential I had in high school. I need to go to the moon in this d'cade and do the otha things, not because they are easy, but because they are hahd!

Astronomy and earth/space science were my favorite classes in college, but I never took any beyond the 1000 level, and the suggested semester plan for a BS in astrophysics requires advanced 3000 and 4000 level calc, physics, mechanics, quantum mechanics, electromagnetism, optics, stats, and differential equations to name a few, so I have my work cut out for me. I need to buy some textbooks this summer and relearn prerequisite math before I can even hope to jump into this field. I'm not gonna enjoy it, it's not gonna be fun and exciting all the way, I'm gonna wanna give up, but I need to prove that I'm capable. I need to push myself to do what I don't want to do. I don't need to be a savant, I just need to pass. Cs get degrees. My little sisters are in college now, and both of them are taking a relaxed schedule, part time credits, only a couple classes per semester, however long it takes. The full astrophysics major requires 120 credits, but only 62 are critical, the other 58 are gen ed, and I already have my BA so I can skip those. 62 credits is 2 years of full time work (year and a half if I take a summer semester, though that's four months of work in half the time, so I'd once again risk burnout), but I could bang it out as a part-timer in 3 or 4 years. Hell, if I went back full time I could take a bunch of fun gen ed classes for a minor, or even a double major, but I'm getting WAY ahead of myself.

Start small.

I need to brush up on

Algebra 1

Geometry

Algebra 2

Trigonometry/Pre-Calc

Calculus

It's too late to apply for fall semester this year, and I wouldn't want to anyway because 5 high school math classes are a lot to get through in 3 months. They don't allow spring applications either, so the earliest I could start is fall 2024, 10 years after I started college in the first place. That gives me over a year to master the maths I missed. That's plenty of time! I'm fairly competent in algebra and geometry, so I'd only need to relearn trig and calc.

This is doable.

It's never too late to start over.

[stormboundscholar]

Good progress

Day 19/100 of Productivity

Hi everyone. Welcome back to my blog! I actually intended to post tomorrow, but I did a lot of work today so I wanted to update you guys.

Things have been going really well lately. I have been studying well, and all my assignments are finished or at least manageable. I found a lot of time to study today, and it really helped!

I started studying by doing my literature assignment at my lunch break. I must admit that I really hate that lesson, reading books is nice but memorising the names of obscure authors isn't really my cup of tea. It took nearly one hour to complete, but at least I don't have to worry about it anymore.

In the afternoon, we had a couple of free classes. Our geometry teacher let us study because we only had a single lesson, and we also had office hours after school where I could study. I had my geometry recourses with me because of maths class, so I did my geometry homework. It was mostly easy stuff, but I had to spend 2 hours solving the questions on it.

I got back home at 6:30 like usual. I had dinner, it was lovely. They had actually eaten before I arrived but I think that was kind of fair, I am usually the last one to get home. I also managed to start studying earlier as I eat faster when I am alone.

I took my books and continued studying at 7:30 pm. I studied some biology first, I know that I studied a lot of biology this week but the teacher keeps giving us a ton of homework! I studied biology for 2 hours, mostly some reproductive system stuff. There's a lot of hormones and a lot to learn, but I think that I understood the topic pretty well. After that was done I started to study some physics, and it was really fun. It was mostly about basic machines, and I like that topic. The reason is that it is more reliant on understanding the topic rather than memorization, which is a stronger suit for me . I spent an hour with physics.

That's all that I did today on the studying front. I also found some time to socialise, spend time with my friends. I used to be a little challenged with this stuff growing up so it feels really nice. I still feel that it is hard to connect with people but at least I have a lot of people who I can confidently tell are my friends!

Well other than that I got some news today. Our school is going to make us enter an exam tomorrow. It's not going to affect our grades so I don't really get the point, but I guess it could be nice to see what I can do. I have been improving my grades lately, so let's hope I can do well in the exam.

That's all for today! Good night everyone, and good luck.

[luna13e-blog]

15 Questions | 15 People

There's no way I'm going to tag 15 people but I love this silly thingies. Thank you, @wanderingdonut ❤️

Are you named after anyone? Yup, after someone who did crazy things for love in the Middle Ages. Wicked, uh? And then my mom asks me why I'm like this: Lady, you named me after a tragic love story, it is what it is.

When was the last time you cried?: Uh, I don't remember, probably... Sunday? Lately I haven't been able to go a full week without crying, so, yeah, Sunday probably.

Do you have kids: A cat.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?: My default setting. That and snarky remarks, yeah, I'm such a sunshine.

What's the first thing you notice about people?: How they move. As a very nearsighted person, I learned to recognize people (close people, mainly, not everyone) by the way they walked. They have to be pretty fucking close for me to notice something else.

What's your eye colour?: Hazel. Very close to green when I cry (the magic of complementary colours) and very close to honey when it's sunny. Did you know that there's no word in Spanish for hazel eyes?

Scary movies or happy endings?: Psychological thrillers/Mysteries. I don't do well with scary scary movies. Also I love trying to guess what's really happening before the movie tells me (Ravenclaw, after all).

Any special talent?: Having a very above average good memory. And if I concentrate enough it will be a graphic memory. In school, when I studied hard, I could go back to the book in my mind and search to the pages until I found the answer. Don't know if that's a talent, tho.

Where were you born?: In a cold gray (and terracotta) city as well. But, funnily, in a tropical country. Most of the country is warm or even hot... But we are so fucking high so cold all year is what we have. Yay.

What are your hobbies?: You mean besides procrastinating and overthinking everything? Uhm. I supposed is reading, writing and sing songs really loud when I'm alone.

Do you have any pets? As I said: My pretty little gremlin.

which sports do you play/have you played?: There was a very odd time of my life where I craved camaraderie so much I ended in every team I could. I played with my school's football team (football as in British, soccer is a forbidden word in this blog), I was a cheerleader and then I played basketball. Didn't work for the making friends part but boy I was athletic at the time. I also did artistic skating, nice sport, expensive as hell. Then I started to swim as an sport (and not only as a way to not drown) in my final years of college and now that's the only thing I do.

How tall are you?: 1,67 m. We don't do inches in this house.

Favorite subject at school?: As the nerd I am, almost all. The one that was most interesting at the time. Literature, debate and social sciences (history, politics, etc) were always in the top 5. But there was a time when I was obsessed with chemistry, then probability and geometry (math) and biology was cool from time to time. As I said: A nerd.

Dream job?: Oh no, I don't dream about paid labour. I would like to be able to live comfortably spending my time reading, admiring beautiful things and trying not to kill my plants. Writing from time to time also. But no one is going to pay me a truly living wage for it so, yeah, I work in things.

Tags: uhm... I'm curious about @phoebe-delia and @propheciesanddreams. No pressure and I don't have any idea if you've been tagged before. Also, whoever want to: Come and steal it :)

[lilium-in-blue]

Book meme!

Super late cause tumblr made this post disappear when I was almost finished writing it, but today it magically reappeared in my drafts so here it is!

@cafeleningrad tagged me (thank you <3) so here I am to share a few books from my wishlist and some ramblings about them.

Ten books I want to read in 2020.

Piranesi - Susanna Clarke

It's by Susanna Clarke of Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell fame, if it's only half as good as her previous book it will still be fantastic. Can't wait for it!

The three body problem - Cixin Liu

Two years ago I read a short story anthology of Chinese science fiction and since I finished it I've wanted to read more. I didn't yet (procrastinating, a curse) but I've only heard praise for Liu's writing so I think I'll start with that!

My favorite thing is monsters - Emil Ferris

I have no idea of the plot for this one but I've heard good things and I love what I've seen of the art! I passed by a few copies at this small comic con I went to last year and I still regret not buying it there.

If cats disappeared from the world - Kawamura Genki

It was everywhere on Instagram for a while, the summary sounded interesting and yes I'm easily influenced by a pretty cover with kitties on it.

P. La mia adolescenza trans - Fumettibrutti

This one is an autobiographical comic (graphic memoir? I have no idea how you call it in english) about the author's teenage year as a trans person, as per the title. I've read some of her Instagram comics and they're good but not my kind of thing, but the few pages I've seen of P. looked amazing, I really want to read it.

Maus - Art Spiegelman

This is technically cheating because I've already read the first few chapters! I've put it on hold for a while because I needed something lighter, but I want to come back to it asap.

This is how you lose the time war - Amal el-Mohtar & Max Gladstone

I half forgot the summary but I've heard good things from too many places not to try it. It hasn't been translated (unless I missed it) so I think I'll read this one in English.

In Italia sono tutti maschi - Luca de Santis & Sara Colaone

The title, "In Italy there are only true men", is what Mussolini said when asked why there were no laws against homosexuality in the fascist laws on race. This comic is about the true story of the gay men imprisoned and exiled on an island in the Tremiti archipelago. It's a part of our history that's not really widely known or talked about and I didn't know anything about it before hearing about this comic, so I really want to read this one.

My brilliant friend - Elena Ferrante

It's been on my wishlist for years! I also want to watch the show but I want to read the book first...

Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine - Gail Honeyman

This one I tried to get from my library's ebook service in 2018, received a place in a queue and I'm still waiting for my turn... More than a "book I want to read in 2020" it's a book I'll maybe manage to read before 2021. Maybe. Ok maybe it's on the list just because I wanted to complain about the ebook lending system.

Extras:

As many Discworld books as I can get

Anything by Shirley Jackson that gets translated into Italian in 2020. Even a grocery list would be fine. (please mr Adelphi let me give you my money).

I'm not tagging anyone because the last time I went looking for people to tag tumblr ate the post, so if you're reading this and feel like doing it consider yourself tagged!

[13-reasons-ideas]

requests are still open yay! MontyxOc, Oc dated Monty a year ago.. things didn’t quite work out but her & Monty maintained a close friendship some say a little too close for ex’s. She stared dating (any one of the guys) but Monty continued to flirt with her she wasn’t stopping him either, She feels bad & tells Monty to stop flirting & trying to get with her... He doesn’t she starts to get fed up and on a class trip they argue over it.. the argument however ends much differently (smut)

A/N: This story contains SMUT. DNI if under 18. 18+ only. This is a long one you guys. Definitely bring a snack and a cup of tea to read it. I’m sorry if the spacing is weird. I can’t to hear what you have to say about it! Feedback is appreciated and much love as always. - Em

Friends Don’t 

I met Monty in the park. Things had been different between us recently. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He turned in my direction. I sat on a picnic table and watched him for a few minutes. He seemed like he wanted to say something but didn’t know how.

“What’s going on in that hot head of yours?”

“I don’t know. I don’t… I don’t want to mess everything up.”

“Well how will you know if you do, if you don’t take the chance?” I had a feeling I knew what was coming.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for this Reagan.” Even though I had a feeling, it still felt like a punch in the gut to hear him say it.

“For what?”

“Things to get serious.”

“Who said anything about serious? We are sixteen.”

“I don’t know. Do you want to pretend that I’m ready to date someone? That doesn’t seem very fair to you.”

I shrugged. He has a point. He’s not exactly in a great place right now. “I guess not.” Even though I didn’t want to, I felt tears starting to well up and the familiar prickle in my nose. I blinked a few times because I knew he was right. It just sucked to hear.

“I don’t want to not have you around though.”

“I know. I don’t want to not have you around either. You know me better than anyone. Best friends?”

“Best friends.”

“And if you ever need anything, I’m there. No matter what.”

“Day or night.”

“Always.”

ONE YEAR LATER

Monty and I stayed close. We kept our promise to be best friends. After all, we knew each other better than anyone. We hung out after school and got coffee. He came over and we watched movies. It was almost like we didn’t break up. Almost. For a while after our breakup things were awkward. We hadn’t really figured out where our boundaries were. After some time, we got comfortable again. Some people would say we were a little too close. It didn’t really matter that much to us if we still flirted or finished each other’s sentences.

It didn’t matter, at least until I started spending time with a certain other jock. Zach Dempsey had caught my eye before senior year but there was something about him that was different that September. He was still kind of cruel, but he was trying. He meant well. He just didn’t always know how to go about things in the best way. I knew what being forced to spend extended time with Bryce walker could do to a person. Zach and I had a few classes together over the years. Our friendship started like a lot of friendships did in school. You got stuck sitting next to someone and so you had to decide if you wanted to ignore them for the rest of the semester, or if you wanted to make your semester not suck and play nice.

We decided on the latter that first day of world history. He was late to class and the only empty seat was next to mine. I had spent time around him when Montgomery and I were dating so we were able to at least talk to each other. Our interactions consisted mostly of homework and school stuff for about a month or so. Then, slowly, we started talking about our interests and other things on our way to lunch. On one such walk to lunch, he told me about his dream of becoming a marine biologist.

“Seriously?” I asked him.

“Yeah. It’s cool. Why?”

“I don’t know. I just guess I pegged you as a guy who would want to do the athlete thing and get a business degree in case you didn’t get drafted.”

“Nah. That… that isn’t really in the cards for me.” I nodded.

“I want to go into social work.”

“No way, really?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t elaborate on why I wanted to. That was not my story to share.

“Zachy!” Scott called across the room when we got to the cafeteria.

“I- I should probably get going.” He stammered.

“Yeah. My friends are waiting.” I waved over at Jess and Alex. Zach started to walk away but turned around again.

“Did you want to get a coffee or see a movie sometime?”

“Like, together?”

“I mean, yeah.” He shrugged, trying to play it cool.

“I think I’d like that. Oh, and can you tell Montgomery and Bryce Cheerios is not lunch?” I laughed.

“But they are.”

“I guess we can discuss it over coffee.” I smiled.

“Wednesday after school?”

“Sure.”

I sat at a table with my friends. “So. I’m going on a date.” Jess and Alex looked at me with wide eyes.

“Shit. No way.” Jess smiled.

“Yeah. Zach Dempsey.” I explained, answering their unspoken question.

“Zach is nice.” Alex added.

“And he’s like… really good looking.”

“I know, right?”

“Tall.”

“Very tall.”

“Doesn’t have an anger problem.” Jess muttered under her breath. My smile faltered. I looked up and Monty’s eyes were on me. My phone vibrated. Cheerios is lunch pretty girl. I rolled my eyes. Zach said he has a date. Wouldn’t happen to be a certain girl in his world history class, would it?

I’ll give you details after. And why do you care?

On Wednesday I got a ride with Justin and Clay to school. My car was in the shop for maintenance and my house was on the way from theirs. After school, Zach drove me to Monet’s. I got to ride shotgun in the Audi. The wind feels different. Maybe it’s because this car costs more than my education will. He was a safe driver, I noticed. Soon, we had parked outside the cozy little café. We didn’t hold hands on the way inside.

Inside, I ordered a hot chocolate, and he got a cup of tea. “You like pomegranate?” I asked when we sat down.

“Yeah. It’s tart.”

“It’s pretty good. One of my favourite tea flavours.” We made small talk for a while. I wasn’t sure when the last time he had been on a date was. I hadn’t been on a real date since Monty and I broke up last year.

“Your opinion on Cheerios is wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“Yeah. It’s lunch food. Or breakfast food. Hell, even dinner food.” I shook my head.

“I will never understand boys.” He laughed and picked up his spoon. “What are you doing?”

“Just watch.” He breathed on the spoon and tried to balance it on his nose. I giggled and it stuck for maybe three seconds before falling to the table. I burst out laughing.

“Can I try?” I picked up my own spoon.

“Go for it.”

“Okay, okay how do I do this?”

Zach reached over and took the spoon, holding it in front of my mouth. “Breath on it.” I did. “Now before it dries, take it, and place it on the end of your nose.” I did as he said. It fell instantly.

“Try again?” He waved. I tried again and it fell, yet again. “One more. I think I know the spot now.”

“Go on.” This time, I was able to get it to balance for four seconds. “Does this make me champion?”

“Sure. Until we have rematch.”

“A rematch you say?”

“Yes.”

“I look forward to it. Mostly so I can win again.” I smirked slightly. We spent the next couple of hours just talking to each other about stuff. Mrs. Dempsey called him home around five.

“Yeah Mom. I’m just out with the guys going over some plays. I’ll be home soon.”

“I take it I’m getting my refill to go?”

“Yeah. It seems that way. I’ll drive you home.”

We went on like that for the next few weeks. We would meet for coffee or meet up to see a movie. Go for walks in the park or by the docks. It was nice. Different than what Montgomery and I had, but it was a welcome change. We went public at school before we decided to tell our parents. My parents weren’t exactly ecstatic about me dating in my senior year and I knew how his mom felt about girls in his life. I was still talking to Monty. All the while, we had kept up the flirty banter we had started a few weeks after our breakup. Zach didn’t seem to mind much. “Good morning Beautiful.” He said as he walked over to my locker that morning.

“Hey 85.” I smiled brightly at him.

“You look very cute.”

“Why thank you kind gentleman.” I grabbed my bag off the floor and shoved my geometry book in it. Zach threw his arm around my shoulders as he walked me to class. I rested my head against him and we chatted about our night.

“So, you guys are public now.” Monty said, walking up to us with Charlie in tow.

“That’s really cute.” Charlie said.

“Yes.” I smiled. I felt Monty’s eyes traveling my body and I couldn’t help the blush that crept up my neck.

“Yeah.” Zach said.

“That’s great.” Monty replied. When we walked away, he called out, “I’ll see you around Reagan.”

I turned and called back to him, “yes you will.”

In the following few days, Monty kept up with the flirting. I didn’t stop it. I found it kind of amusing. “Going to harp on my lunch choices again Rea?”

“No. You’re an adult. I trust you to make proper choices.”

“Now, Reagan. You should know I’ve never been good with proper.” I rolled my eyes. Oh, I know.

“Seems to have done you pretty well so far. How’s… uh… collarbone tattoo?”

“Katie?”

“Sure.” He merely shrugged.

“How’s Zachy?”

“Zach is good.” Zach said, sitting down at the table. I swatted Monty’s hand away when he reached for a cookie.

“And you should know by now to not touch my food Montgomery.”

“Oh. She full named you. What’s it like to be called out by your ex like that, man?” Bryce asked.

“You don’t get a cookie either Bryce.”

“Reagan.” He held his hand up to his chest. “You wound me.”

“That’s sad for you.” I shrugged. Zach turned to me and shot me a megawatt smile.

“Do I get a cookie?” I thought for a moment.

“You can get half a cookie.”

“It’s half more than I had before.”

“I’m his best friend. Can I have the other half?” Justin asked when he sat down.

“No. My cookies.”

“I’ll trade you my Milky Way for that half.”

“No.” I laughed. “You’re sure you’re okay to come to my place later?” I asked Zach.

“Yeah. It’s just your parents. Parents like me.”

“Did he just say ‘just your parents’?” Monty looked at me with wide eyes. I shrugged. “Reagan.”

“Monty.”

“Your dad threatened to shoot me.”

“My parents never really liked you though.”

“Gee, I wonder what gave you that impression?”

“What would have?” Charlie asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe when her dad threatened to shoot me.”

“Parents don’t like you. They’ll love me.” Zach beamed.

“They don’t like you because you ruined their daughter.” Bryce laughed. Again, I shrugged. Can’t really argue with him there. Monty merely smirked, proudly. Ugh men.

“Anyway. You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. And can you remind me again why we sit here?”

“You get to see me.” Monty chuckled.

“No. No I don’t think that’s why.”

“Hurtful.”

**

In the few months after Zach and I started dating, his mom had come around to the idea of me being in his life. I spent time at his house, mostly working on homework or helping May with hers. It was tense at first but she came around eventually. Once she realized I only wanted what was best for her son. My parents were getting more used to the idea of me dating again. They saw how we interacted and seemed to approve more than they did with Monty. I had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with the fact that I wasn’t emptying the first aid kit my mom kept stocked every month or so.

Monty and I were still close. He had recently started seeing a girl named Kyla. I wasn’t sure how serious it was but figured it could be good for him. It didn’t stop him from flirting with me though.

“Good morning gorgeous.”

“Good morning Montgomery. Good night?” I laughed.

“Of course.”

“How was your date with Kyla?” I asked.

“It was good. She cooked for me.”

“That’s nice. Was it good?” Charlie asked, adjusting his bag on his shoulder.

“I mean, sure. Some kind of spinach something or other?”

“You hate spinach.” I said.

“Yes. And you hate tha-.” Monty started. I saw Zach walking towards us.

“Shhhh.” I cut him off. “Hey babe.”

“Hey beautiful.” Zach pulled me into a hug and placed a kiss on my head. “How was dinner at Alex’s last night?”

“It was good. His mom let me bring contraband in the house.”

“Contraband?” Bryce asked.

“He’s not allowed to have junk food.” Charlie explained.

“Something about healthy body healthy mind or something.”

“She’s not wrong Rea.” Zach said.

“I know but still. Let the kid have a candy bar once in a while. It won’t hurt him.”

“He prefers sour patch kids.”

“I know.” The bell rang and interrupted us. I sighed heavily and took Zach’s hand. He walked me to math and kissed me on the cheek as he left. I smiled brightly at his retreating form.

Monty texted me in math. As I was saying, you hate that you and Zach haven’t fucked yet. Have you even gotten to second base yet?

None of your god damn business.

I’ll take that as a no. Don’t worry. It’ll happen eventually. I could get Charlie to get Alex to talk to him. Or you could let me talk to him.

No!

What? You don’t want me to tell him all your dirty little secrets?

I swear to God, De la Cruz. I will wring your neck in your sleep.

You’d be doing my dad a favour. You’d at least get past the front door.

I’d wring his first. Now stop texting me and learn some shit.

Fine.

Zach sat with Alex, Jess, and I at lunch. Kyla was sitting with Monty. I got the impression that she didn’t really like me all that much. In order to avoid a catfight-as much as I think the boys would like to see it- I found it best not to sit with them when she was around. Plus, it gave me a bit of a break from all the sports talk I had to pretend to care about. I shared my granola with Jess. Alex ‘stole’ my gummy bears. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I had the other bag in history. Zach kept my little secret. I felt him watching me out of the corner of his eye. He was talking to Alex about some video game. Jess and I rolled our eyes. “Boys.” We said in unison.

That weekend, Zach and I went for a walk along the docks. It was a beautiful day outside. We walked hand in hand just talking. When we felt like taking a break, we sat down on a bench overlooking the water and watched the waves. He put his arm around me and pulled me into his side. He was whispering sweet nothings in my ear. “Part of me wishes it was cold out, so I could offer you my sweater.”

“Me too.” I smiled.

“You look adorable in them.”

I giggled and hid my face in his shoulder. “I do not.”

“You do though.”

“Okay.” I blushed. He grinned at me as I peeked up at him.

We spent another hour walking and enjoying our time together. When it started to get dark, Zach walked me back to his car. He held the door open for me and kissed me before closing it. He is so sweet. The radio was playing softly. We sat in content silence for most of the drive. The purr of the engine lulled me into a peaceful sleep. “Reagan.” He whispered. I didn’t want to wake up. “Reagan. Baby, wake up for a second please.”

“Hmm?” My eyes stayed closed

“I just wanted to know if you want anything from Starbucks.”

“Sleeping.”

“You can stay in the car and sleep if you want.”

“Kay.”

“I’ll get you something.” He whispered and kissed my temple before getting out and locking the car. When I woke up, there was a cup of tea in the cup holder for me. So thoughtful.

**

I was in the middle of getting ready for a date with Zach when someone rang my doorbell. Running to answer it, my eyes widened when I saw Monty. His cheek was already starting to bruise and his knuckles were bloody. “Hey.”

“Uh. Hey there friend.” Blood was dripping onto my porch. “Just a sec.” I held up a finger and ran to grab a towel. He wrapped it around his hand before stepping inside. Thankfully there won’t be blood on the floor now. He stood in the entryway. “How’s the other guy?” I asked as I pulled out my phone to text Zach. Monty didn’t answer.

I’m so sorry. I have to cancel tonight. I think I’m coming down with a cold. I want to try to nip it in the bud and sleep it off.  

That’s okay. Do you want me to come over? I can bring you soup.

No, thanks though Zach. I’m just going to go get ready for bed and sleep so I can be better by Monday.

Okay. I’m just a text or call away if you need anything. <3

Thank you. <3

Now that my plans with Zach were taken care of, I was able to focus on the boy at my front door. “You know you don’t have to just stand there. You’ve been here before since we broke up.”

“I know. I just wanted to give you some space while you dealt with whatever plans you and Zach had.” He walked into the house further before adding, “which you didn’t have to do.”

“It’s not a big deal. I told you I would be here for you, whatever you need. Do you want some ice for your hand?” I dug around in the freezer for the tray. He tried to protest but I saw the thinly veiled wince when he flexed it. Sighing, I pulled out the freezer bags and filled one with ice. Monty accepted it begrudgingly.

“I didn’t need ice Reagan.”

“And I don’t need five million dollars Montgomery. If you don’t want it though, I’ll gladly take it back. I’m sure Kerba would love to hear about whatever bullshit reason you give for your hand being fucked again is.” He shut up and kept the ice.

“Think he would believe me if I said it was an exercise accident?”

“No.” I stated, shaking my head. Monty moved into the living room, settling in on the couch. Grabbing the remote with his good hand, he started scrolling through channels.

“You know if you hit the guide button, you can just pick a channel.”

“Yeah, but then you don’t complain about it and I can’t irritate you.”

“And I wasn’t done.” He didn’t respond, so I went into the closet for my mom’s first aid kit. She kept it stocked at all times. It was hard explaining why it was so depleted so frequently when Monty and I were together and even harder to explain why it was full after we broke up.

Walking over to the couch, I sat down and opened the kit. I grabbed some gauze and took his hand in mine. There was too much blood, so I had to go get a cloth. His lip curled when the wet cloth touched his cut knuckles. My brow rose but I didn’t say anything. Monty grimaced as I wrapped his hand. “Is your cheek okay?”

“It’s fine.”

“Okay. Have you eaten?”

“Yeah. You don’t need to feed me too Reagan.”

“Okay.” I let him continue flipping channels, knowing when to not push him. He never was very nice when I was patching him up. He finally settled on some old black and white film. Neither of us watched it. We just spent the night sitting in silence. It gave me plenty of time to think about the fact that I had lied straight through my teeth to my very nice, charming boyfriend.

A couple of weeks after I had patched Monty up, I noticed he wasn’t at school. I was walking to my locker with Alex that morning. Scott was talking to Charlie about something when we passed. “I don’t know where he is, man.”

“But we have a huge government midterm today.”

“It’s Monty. He probably just overslept or decided to cut first period.” I stopped walking unconsciously. Then where is he?

“You’re probably right.” Charlie said, as he adjusted his bag. He bumped into me when he passed. “Sorry Reagan. Guess I didn’t see you there.”

“Huh? No worries Charlie.” I smiled as he took Alex’s hand and nodded to them when they left me in the hall.

“He isn’t at school yet.” Scott said, behind me.

“Okay. I don’t know why you think I care but whatever.”

Scott looked at me seriously. “You care. Might want to look like you care less though. His replacement is coming this way.” I didn’t respond.

By lunch, I had started to worry. Charlie was right. We had a government midterm today. Monty couldn’t miss it. I scanned the cafeteria. There was no sign of him anywhere. He wasn’t in math this morning either. I couldn’t stop myself from texting him. I know you aren’t this self-destructive. Get your ass to school.

“Hey baby. Who’re you texting?”

“Just Bryce. I loaned him some of my government notes in first so he could cram. I just need them back.” Zach took my hand and we walked to the jocks table. Still no sign of Monty. I didn’t sit down. “Hey Bryce, did you get my text?”

“Uh. No?”

“About my government notes that you borrowed?”

“What-?” I gave him a look. “Oh. Yeah, I put them in my locker. Meant to bring them to lunch but it slipped my mind.”

“Can we go get them? I wanted to read over them during lunch.”

“Sure?”

“Great.” I nodded towards the door. He stood and followed me out.

“So, what the hell was that?”

“Did Monty stay at your place last night?”

“No. It’s probably nothing. You know how he is. Disappears sometimes.” We stopped walking and stepped into an empty hall.

“Yeah. It’s just that he knows this is important. I worry is all. Unlike you, he actually needs to get a scholarship.”

“I need to too Reagan.”

“You don’t. But go ahead and think that if it helps you sleep.” I shook my head and pulled my history notes out of my bag. “We’ve been gone a while. Don’t want anyone getting suspicious.” I texted Monty again while we walked in silence back to the cafeteria. If you aren’t in government I will drive to your house and kick your unfairly shapely ass. You better have a damn good excuse for not being here.

When I got to government for fifth period, I sighed in relief. Monty was sitting in his seat next to mine. “Nice of you to finally show up.” I grumbled as I sat down.

“I was busy.”

“It’s a Wednesday during school. During midterm week no less. What was so important?”

“Kyla got a new piercing a few weeks ago.” He smirked.

“You’re disgusting.”

“What? Have you and Zach still not?” My silence spoke volumes. He snorted. “No wonder you’ve been so bitchy lately. Want me to talk to him? Explain that you have needs?”

“No. I want you to not skip school to fuck your,” I paused, “Kyla. Because you aren’t a dumbass.” Even though I was pissed at him, I still waited for him until he had finished his test. We stopped at his locker so he could drop off his books.

Zach was waiting for me at my locker. We had rescheduled our movie date to today under the guise of making sure my cold was for sure gone and until midterms were complete. “Hey Zachy.” I hugged him and kissed his chest.

“Hey beautiful. How was your midterm?”

“Not bad. I think I did okay.”

“That’s good. How was it actually Monty?”

“Could have been worse. No one cried, which kind of sucks.”

“Good to know.” I put my stuff in my locker, failing miserably at the organization I had at the beginning of the year.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Monty. At eight. When you’re supposed to be at school.”

“Okay. We can go with that. You kids have fun now.” I shook my head and rolled my eyes. A blush had started to creep up my neck though. Maybe tonight.

When we got to my place, I left Zach downstairs to go change. I threw on underwear that matched my bra. Just in case. I settled on a pair of yoga pants that framed my ass well and threw on a low-cut comfortable tank top. Back downstairs, Zach was taking a bag of popcorn out of the microwave. I felt his eyes go straight to my butt as he heard me come down. I smirked slightly. I hugged him tightly from behind at the counter. “You’re cute.”

“So are you.”

“I’m not cute.”

“You are. My giant teddy bear you. Oh, and there’s a box of Mike & Ike’s in the pantry for you.”

“Thanks.” He grinned.

We scrolled through Netflix for a few minutes. Nothing looked really interesting until we scrolled past Beautiful Creatures. It’s good to make out to. And I like it. Settling in for the night, I rest my head on his lap. I sighed happily as Zach stroked my hair. It was so nice to just have a quiet night in with him. He adjusted his position slightly a while into the movie and I sat up to change positions as well. Falling asleep was not in the plans for this evening. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer against his chest. Leaning back, I rested my head on his shoulder. I placed a few soft kisses on his neck and jaw.

Zach’s breathing picked up when my lips ghosted over a spot just under his chin. There it is. I smiled against it and kissed it again. He sighed and I pulled away to look at him. His pupils were slightly dilated. I leaned in to kiss him. He leaned in and our lips touched. It was soft and gentle at first, but quickly became deeper and more intense. This wasn’t the first time we made out at all. But this time felt different. More meaningful. Maybe it was the right choice to change my underwear. His tongue ran along my bottom lip, requesting entrance. I was more than happy to accommodate it. His hand made its way around to rest against the back of my neck. My body shifted into a kneeling position on the soft couch, so I had a better angle. One of my hands rested on his chest. The other wound its way around the back of his neck to play with the soft hairs at the top of it. So soft.

Our tongues playfully fought for dominance. Neither of us seemed too keen on winning. We were just enjoying the moment. The movie was still playing in the background, though neither of us cared. My hand traveled down his muscular body as our making out intensified. I played with the hem of his shirt. I wasn’t wanting to take it off. But I also wasn’t not wanting to take it off. My boyfriend has a very nice body. Zach took control and began leaning forward. He continued until my back hit the cushions. After some readjusting, I was laying comfortably with Zach’s large frame above me. I smirked slightly when I felt his pants beginning to tent. He only pulled away long enough to sit up and pull his shirt over his head. Ugh that is the hottest thing any man can do. The blue shirt dropped to the living room floor unceremoniously.

He kissed me once more before moving on to my neck. The initial kisses were light and teasing. He was still trying to draw a map of where all the sensitive spots were. I gasped when he brushed over my pulse point. Zach smiled softly against it. The kisses turned much less light and teasing after that. It was both sides under attack now. It felt so good. I couldn’t stop the quiet whimpers from escaping. I moaned his name and ran my fingers through his hair. Why do men get the super soft hair? God. This feels amazing. “I love you.” He breathed into my neck. My breath caught in my throat. What? It wasn’t like I had never thought I loved him. I did. I was just surprised that he said it first. When I didn’t say it back immediately, his kissing faltered. I didn’t mean to hesitate.

“I love you too.” I smiled, even though he couldn’t see it.

We continued making out for a while until it got too close to my parents getting home. It was a long weekend, so they didn’t care much if he was over late. We were both adults. On weekends, they trusted us to be alone later. Even if alone meant ‘my parents are in their room upstairs or down the hall so shhh’. On school nights, Zach was gone by ten thirty. Even though they trusted us, none of us needed to experience them walking into the house to see their daughter and her boyfriend getting hot and heavy on their couch. Instead, we cozied up on the couch under a blanket and watched a couple more movies. “It’s getting late Reagan. I should head home. Mom will probably send Deputy Standall to come get me soon.”

“Okay.” Zach and I walked to the door and hugged goodbye. I stood on my tip toes and kissed him gently. “I love you.” I whispered.

“I love you too.” He whispered back.

The next morning, I woke up with tiny purple marks on the sides of my neck. He doesn’t usually leave marks. I like it. I wore my hair down so my parents didn’t see them. I may be an adult, but they still preferred I didn’t go around sporting hickeys all the time. Probably part of why they hated Monty so much. My mom felt it was anti-feminist. It was letting a man mark their territory and property. I usually challenged that with her wedding set. Dad just preferred not to think of me as being in a physical relationship. He was aware of it of course. Just preferred not to acknowledge it. Which, I mean, fair.

At school, I couldn’t leave my hair down. It was too hot. I threw it in a high ponytail in history. Zach breathed in sharply when he saw my neck. I turned and smiled at him. “Thank you.” His eyes widened and he coughed to cover a groan. During lunch, I could feel the boys staring at me as they arrived at the table.

“Damn Zach. Didn’t think you had it in you.” Bryce sniggered. I rolled my eyes.

“I did. You finally corrupted him, Reagan?” Justin wiggled his brows at us. I blushed and hid my face in Zach’s chest. I was never this shy about marks with Monty. Maybe that was because no one made comments like that when he did it. Because it was expected. And they knew he would rip their tongues out. I expected Monty to comment. He surprised me when he only quirked a brow. I was less surprised when he pulled me aside before history.

“Don’t let your parents see those. You seem quite attached to him. Wouldn’t want your dad to actually kill him. Maybe you should leave your hair down for a while. Wouldn’t want anyone getting any ideas, would you?”

I was stunned at the unnecessary hostility in his tone. Why the fuck does he care? He didn’t say anything else. I turned as he walked away, leaving me alone in the hall. I still put my hair down though.

Zach and I continued to explore the more physical aspect of our relationship in the coming weeks. Nothing too serious, just some semi-clothed touching. Maybe the rare under clothes touches. Only enough to tease. Never enough to lead anywhere. I was both grateful and frustrated by it. He didn’t leave anymore marks on me either. He could tell I was uncomfortable with his friend’s comments and wanted to avoid it as much as possible. We had agreed to wait until we were both ready. Neither of us were virgins. But it was still new. It did leave me with plenty of time to wonder what it would be like though.

When I wasn’t thinking about all the dirty things Zach and I could get up to, or Zach in general, or Monty, I occupied my time with college applications. My top choice had been UNC Chapel Hill for many years. Even before I knew what I wanted to study. I worked hard in school because of it. There were other schools I would like to go to, but none compared to UNC in my mind. I remembered when Monty and I had talked about what we wanted to do after high school, and he looked amazed but slightly skeptical at my goal. I knew he didn’t mean anything bad by it. We both knew how big of a goal I was. Zach had a different look on his face. He looked at me with complete faith that it would happen. It wasn’t even a question to him. He didn’t verbalize the thought, but I could see it in his eyes. I just hoped he was right.

Admissions emails were due to go out any day now. I both couldn’t wait and absolutely dreaded it. I had applied to seven schools. Statistically speaking, I had to get into at least one of them. I just wasn’t sure which one. Zach tried his best to reassure me that everything would work out. Our friends agreed with him. Monty also tried to reassure me. And keep my mind off of it with his incessant flirting. It was nice. I had a constant I could focus on. Monty flirting with me, as strange as it sounded, was keeping me calm. Zach tried his best to keep my mind occupied. We talked about anything but schools unless we needed to. It was sweet.  I just wasn’t sure it was helping much.

The pring of an email notification on my phone pulled my attention away from the textbook I was reading. I quickly grabbed my laptop and logged on. Pulling up Gmail, I held my breath. It could be any email. An email titled University of North Carolina Chapel Hill Office of Registrar Admissions Decision sat at the top of my inbox in bold letters. This is it. Holy crap. I was shaking so hard I opened the wrong email first.

Back on my inbox page, I took a very deep breath and opened the email. Dear Miss Reagan Taylor, thank you for your application to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. We regret to inform you that you have not been accepted for admission at this time. I couldn’t read any further. There was more information, I just couldn’t bring myself to read any of it. My eyes had begun to fill with tears. I didn’t get in. I worked so hard. And I still didn’t get in. Numbly, I moved the computer off my lap and grabbed my phone. Unconsciously, I selected a contact and put it to my ear as I felt myself beginning to dissociate.

“Hello?”

“Hi. A-are you busy right now?”

“I don’t have to be. What’s wrong?”

“C-can you come here? Please?”

“I’ll be right there.”

I numbly walked out of my room and went to unlock the front door. In my room, I sat in the center of my bed and hugged my knees. Willing the tears to remain at bay, I screwed my eyes shut. That didn’t do much to help, because all I saw was a string of the words not been accepted running over and over again.

A knock on my bedroom door caused me to look up. I wasn’t aware of how much time had passed. He was standing in my doorway with his hands tucked in his pockets. “I didn’t get in.” I said softly. My voice cracked. His long stride had him at my bedside and sitting down within only a few steps. He pulled me close to him and I cried into his shoulder. He laid us back and he held me as I cried. I felt so vulnerable as we laid there silently.

It must have been at least an hour before we moved. It had started getting dark outside. “Thank you, Monty.”

“You needed me.”

“I know. I just,” I paused, “thank you.”

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” I walked him to the door and went to take a shower. When I got out, I saw that Zach had texted me. I love you and I hope you’re having a good day. I sighed to myself. I couldn’t bring myself to find the energy to text him back. Instead, I crawled into bed and fell into a fitful sleep.

The next day, I threw on a pair of sweatpants and one of Zach’s t-shirts. I was too upset about the email to really care about looking nice. I met Zach at his car in the parking lot. He had a cup of hot chocolate for me and had his adorable happy grin plastered across his face. “Morning beautiful.” I took the to go cup gratefully.

“Morning.” He put his arm around me as we walked, and I leaned against his large frame.

“How was your night?”

“It was okay. Yours?”

“It was alright. Anything exciting happen?” Exciting is not the word I would use.

“Uh, no. Not really.” We had reached my locker. I opened it and dug around for my stuff.

“Hey, Reagan.” Luke called from across the hall. I lifted my arm and waved at him without turning around.

“What’s up Luke?” I asked when he was at my locker. Some of the football team was with him, including Monty.

“You know, it goes. I heard back from UNC yesterday. Did you?”

“Uh.” I cleared my throat and tried to will away more tears. I didn’t miss the sharp intake of breath Monty made. “I uh… Yeah. I didn’t get in.” I muttered. There was confused murmuring all around me. The only one who didn’t say anything was Monty. I didn’t have to look up to see that Zach was glaring daggers at him.

“How did they not accept you?” Charlie asked.

“I don’t know Char. It was a long shot anyway. Their acceptance rate is twenty three percent total. It’s even less for out of state applicants. Applicants who aren’t being given sports scholarships anyway. No offence Luke.”

“None taken. I’m sorry Reagan.”

“It’s okay. I applied to other schools.” I cleared my throat again. “I have to get to class.

“I’ll walk you.” Zach said. I nodded and took his hand in mine.

We stopped on the way when he pulled me aside into an empty classroom. “You didn’t mention that you heard back from UNC.”

“I know. I just… I needed some time to process. Can we talk about this later? I have a reading due at the beginning of class.”

“Sure. I’ll see you at lunch?”

“Of course.” I kissed him on the cheek. I sat through my classes in an almost daze. Monty sent me a couple of texts that made me smile. Zach also sent a couple of goofy pictures to try and cheer me up. My smile didn’t quite meet my eyes as much. I attributed it to being upset about the admission decision.

I met Zach at the doors to the cafeteria and he hugged me. I smiled sadly into his chest. I picked at my lunch silently. I could feel Monty and Zach’s eyes on me. They were watching both me and each other. No one else picked up on the tension. “Did you want to come over after school Zach? My parents are at work.”

“That works. I’ll let my mom know we are studying after school.”

“Studying each other?” Justin smirked. I rolled my eyes. Zach threw a piece of cheese at him.

“Fuck off.”

“Why do you throw food at each other?”

“It’s fun.” They shrugged.

“Alright then. I have a free period so I’m going to finish a project. I’ll see you guys later.” I leaned over and kissed Zach.

A few minutes after I sat down and pulled up my assignment, someone sat next to me. “So. You didn’t tell Zach?”

“No Monty.” I didn’t look up from my computer.

“You didn’t tell him you called me either, did you?”

“No. But I’m sure it will come up tonight when we talk.”

“You’ll let me know if everything is okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I have class so I’ll text you hot stuff.”

“You better.” I smirked.

Zach and I met each other at my place. My parents were at work and I think both of us knew this was going to become a fight, so I wasn’t surprised when he agreed to come over at lunch without a thought.. We danced around each other in silence. Neither of us knew how to react to the tension between us. With Montgomery it was easy. He would be in a mood or I would be upset about something, we would yell at each other for a while, and then… then it was fixed. I had never fought with Zach before.

“Why didn’t you tell me about UNC?”

“I told you. I needed time to process. To think. That was my top choice Zach. My plans literally changed overnight. That takes time to think through.”

“But I’m your boyfriend. I’m supposed to help you with that stuff. To be there for you.”

“I know. But I need to take time to process before I can deal, okay?”

“Right. Time to process. That’s why Monty knew?”

“How do you know he knew?”

“His reaction this morning. Plus, I heard him talking to Scott and Luke about it in class.”

“Are you mad I didn’t tell you, or are you mad I told Monty?”

“Both.”

“I don’t know why I told him okay?”

“No Reagan. Not okay.”

“I didn’t do it intentionally Zach. I just… dialed. I wasn’t even looking at my phone.”

“Is that supposed to make this better? That your instinct was to call your ex-boyfriend and not me?”

“No. I’m saying that I wasn’t even thinking clearly. All I knew was that in an instant my entire future was fading before my eyes.”

“So, you called Monty.”

“Yes Zach. I called him. I called him and he came. He dropped everything and he came to me.”

“What happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“What. Happened. Reagan?”

“Nothing. I just cried. And cried. And then he left. I was upset.”

“Why couldn’t you call me?”

“Oh my god, Zach. I wasn’t thinking. I can’t explain to you why I called him and not you. I just picked a contact without looking and it was his.”

“Do you still love him?” His question caught me off guard. Do I?

“No.” My voice sounded sure. My brain and heart didn’t believe me. Hopefully Zach would.

“You don’t. Why do you still flirt with him?”

“I don’t love him. As for the flirting, that’s just how we talk to each other. We’ve always done it.”

“Well, I don’t like it.”

“Noted.”  

Zach scoffed. “You flirt with your ex in front of me.”

“I don’t mean anything by it.”

“That doesn’t matter. Do you not think it’s weird that you’re still super close to your ex?”

“Not really, no. He is my friend. You can be friends with an ex, you know.”

“Most people can’t, actually.”

“So what? You’re mad that I’m friends with Monty?”

“I’m not mad Reagan. It’s just a lot to deal with.”

“Why?”

“Do you know how it feels to learn stuff about you, because your ex is talking about it? Or because you two are joking about something?”

“No. I guess I never really thought about it like that. It’s not that weird to us. But it does make sense.” I sat down on my couch. My adrenaline was leveling out again and I felt like an asshole.

“It doesn’t feel good.” He sat down next to me.

“I’m sorry Zach. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

“I know.”

“I’ll talk to Monty about it. Tell him we need to stop the flirting and stuff.” Zach took my hand gently.

“Okay.” I rested my head on his shoulder and he pulled me into his lap. I was shocked that a fight had been resolved that easily and cleanly.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Monty and I met at the docks to talk after Zach and I fought. “Hey.”

“Hey sweetheart.” I grimaced slightly.

“Zach and I talked.”

“Okay. How did it go?”

“He was pretty ticked off that you knew about UNC before he knew. And that you came over instead of him.”

“But I’m your friend.”

“And he is my boyfriend. Also, for the record, you aren’t just my friend Monty. You’re my ex.”

“So?”

“So, you aren’t just my friend.”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because. The way you talk to me, it’s like we never broke up. You’re the one who said you wanted to break up. That you weren’t ready for a serious relationship. Or any relationship for that matter.”

“Is it you, or Zach that has a problem with it?” My silence spoke volumes. “I see. Well, you go tell your boyfriend that we talked.”

“Monty. I do feel bad about it. It’s not fair to Zach to have to deal with you flirting with me and making moves all the time.”

“You know, if I believed that you felt bad, or that you were honestly asking me to stop, I would. But I know you. I know this isn’t coming from you.”

“Montgomery. You need to stop. I’m asking you to stop.”

“Fine. I’ll cool it.”

“Thank you. That’s all I ask. Still friends?”

“Of course, Rea.” He hugged me tightly. I felt like I would let tight hugs slide because I liked them. We walked to our cars together quietly. I didn’t want to have to go or have things change, but I knew that if I wanted to stay with Zach, they would have to.

Monty was true to his word for all of three days. We were still friendly. The flirting had stopped though. There was still a buzz in the air when we interacted. It was easier to ignore now. At least, I thought it had stopped. I was painting my finger and toenails in the bathroom on Saturday night. It was my weekly self-care night. My phone rang before I could decide on a face mask to do while my nails dried. I smiled but rolled my eyes a bit when I saw who was calling. “Hi Monty.” I tried to sound annoyed but couldn’t keep the smile out of my voice.

“Hey Reagan.” He slurred slightly. I could hear the sound of boys falling and goofing off in the background. Bryce is having a thing, I guess.

“What’s up Buddy?”

“Jus’ guys night.”

“You don’t say.”

“You sound relaxed.”

“And you sound mighty drunk. It’s Saturday.”

“Right. Right. Girly night.” He chuckled.

“Yes. Is there a reason you called?”

“Wanted to say hi.”

“Oh.” I thought we had talked about this.

“I miss you.” He slurred. Oh boy.

“Uh. Miss you too.” I grimaced. He was drunk so I wasn’t going to just pretend I hadn’t heard him. Montgomery wouldn’t remember this in the morning.

“I’m an idiot.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“I am. I let you go.”

“Monty….”

“I love you.” My eyes widened. No. I felt the corners of my eyes begin to fill with tears. Looking up, I blinked them away. I didn’t know what to say.

“I-.”

“I’m in love with you.”

“Monty.” I whispered. Why is this happening? We talked about this. At least he won’t remember this tomorrow. But I can’t just act like it didn’t happen.

“Buddy, get off the phone and come play.” Garrison called in the background.

“Gotta go.” Monty said before hanging up. What the actual fuck just happened?

I didn’t text Monty or Zach all day Sunday. I didn’t actually talk to or text anyone aside from my parents. I woke up on Monday dreading school. I just laid in bed and stared at my ceiling. I would see Zach and have to act like that phone call didn’t happen. And that Montgomery hadn’t said what he said. I would also see him. I don’t know if I can do that. He’s your friend. He was wasted when he called you. He won’t remember it. Taking a deep breath, I threw off the covers and got up. I stopped for a coffee on my way to school to try to calm my nerves, even though I was more of a tea person.

I walked into the school and as luck would have it, the first person I saw, was Montgomery freaking De la Cruz. Thank you, Universe. Instantly, I turned on my heel and walked out of the building before he could see me. Books weren’t important now. I had to avoid him. I power walked to the nearest exit and stopped by a large tree. Leaning against it, I took a deep breath and contemplated ditching school. That wasn’t going to be possible. Because the universe decided to say fuck Reagan today. Zach was walking towards me from the parking lot. He waved. I pretended I hadn’t seen it and ignored him. He stopped when he got to my tree. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Hey. Yeah. I’m okay.”

“You’re breathing kind of heavy. And leaning against a tree.”

“I’m fine Zach.”

“Okay.” He didn’t sound convinced. Before he could say anything more, I picked up my bag and brushed past him. I took the long way around to the back of the building to physics. I slumped in my seat and doodled through the whole class. I was doing well enough that the teacher wasn’t going to call on me.

I spent the next week avoiding Monty. I didn’t answer his texts. I took different routes to class. As far as I was concerned, he didn’t exist anymore. Except for the near constant string of text messages that I was getting from him. And his confession running over in my head any time I had a free moment to think. Why did he have to do that? I was getting on just fine. Zach and I were in a good place again. We agreed that we would just be friends. Fine. Fine. Fine.

I was also distant with Zach. I felt awful about it. You love him. He can say it to you sober. He loves you. If he saw me in the halls, he would come over and I would let him walk me to class. We would hold hands. My grip wasn’t as tight as usual. He would put his arm around me. I wouldn’t lean against him. I think he could tell something was off. Being Zach, he wouldn’t bring it up though. Since I was avoiding my two favourite jocks, I couldn’t exactly sit with Zach at lunch. I sat with Jess and Alex instead. Without Zach. They exchanged looks the first day but said nothing.

I went to the baseball game after school to support Zach. And to make it seem like nothing was wrong between him and I or Monty and I. I didn’t want people asking too many questions. Questions I didn’t want to answer. Monty’s drunken declaration had brought up feelings I had spent the better part of a year and a half, trying to bury. I was the one that wanted more from him. I was the one who needed more. When it was clear I wasn’t going to get more, I settled. And then when we broke up, I was comfortable in the fact that even though I loved him and I felt like he loved me, it would go unsaid and we could just be friends. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that was why we were so close and flirted with each other. While I wasn’t in love with him anymore, I still did love him. Even though I told Zach I wasn’t. Liar. You are still hopelessly in love with him. Maybe. But I can’t have him the way I want. And I love Zach. I just haven’t decided if I’m in love with him yet.

After the game, I waited to say bye to Zach and congratulate him on the win. “Congratulations 16. You won.” I smiled as he walked up to me. I was waiting at the bottom of the bleachers.

“Of course, we did. I had my biggest cheerleader in the stands.” He grinned. I couldn’t help but melt. Pushing away any and all thoughts of Montgomery’s phone call, I threw my arms around his neck and let him scoop me up into his arms as we kissed. My legs wrapped around his waist and his hands held my thighs.

“Get a room.” Bryce called out to us as he passed with some of the guys. The jocks cheered and whistled. I flipped them off and pulled away from the kiss.

“Two things. One, you don’t have girlfriends because you whistle at girls. We aren’t dogs. Two, fuck off.” I called back.

“I have a girlfriend.” Anders yelled.

“I know. She’s awesome. That’s two of twenty. Now shut up and leave us be assholes.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

Zach let out a loud laugh when they walked away. “That was amazing.”

“Yeah. It kind of was. Sadly, I have to go work on a project. Walk me to my car?” I said as I jumped out down.

“Lead the way.”

I was working on my project when Monty called me. I sent it straight to voicemail. He called again. I let it ring out. He called back. This man just doesn’t quit. Again, I let it ring. He called a fourth time. Jesus. I answered it on the second to last ring. “What?”

“Woah. Who pissed in your tea today?”

“You called me four times in a row. What do you want Montgomery?”

“Well, I was calling to see why you have been ignoring me. But now I’m going to ask why you’re being such a bitch?”

“I’m busy. And you called me four times in a row.”

“Busy with what?”

“A project.”

“Okay. I’ll keep this quick then. Since a project is apparently more important than your best friend.” I didn’t respond. “Why have you been avoiding me, Reagan?”

“I haven’t been avoiding you.”

“Bull. I haven’t seen or heard from you in almost a week. Are you mad at me or something?”

“No. I’ve been busy.”

“With Zach?”

“No. With stuff. I have a life outside of Zach Dempsey and you, you know.”

“Stuff. Okay. What stuff?”

“School stuff. Trying to figure out what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. Stuff.”

“Alright. I don’t believe you though. Did I do something wrong?” Yes. You did. Something very wrong. That you apparently can’t even remember. Meaning you didn’t have to just be drunk to say it. You had to be wasted.

“No. I’ve just been busy.” I sighed.

“We’re okay?”

“Yes Monty. We’re okay.”

“Okay good. Did you want to do lunch tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“Great. Rosie’s at one?”

“I’ll be there.” I threw my phone on my bed when I hung up. This man is infuriating. Why can’t I say no to him?

To no one’s surprise, Monty didn’t stop flirting with me. He made comments about my outfits or little things that he knew about me. It had finally driven Kyla away. I feared that Zach would be the next person he drove away. I didn’t fall into his trap anymore and let him bait me into flirting with him again. He tried hard. But I didn’t want to go back on my word to Zach. I couldn’t control what Monty did. But I could control how I reacted. So, any time Monty flirted with me, I ignored it. I pushed down the little flutter in my stomach and blush that threatened to creep up my neck. Zach would roll his eyes and smirk if he was around to watch the spectacle that had become Monty and my interactions. We both figured he would grow tired of not getting a response and quit eventually. I have no idea why. Montgomery De la Cruz never was one to back down from a challenge.

As the school year started heading towards its close, the big senior trip was coming up. Every year, the school sent the senior class on a trip. It was supposed to be educational and technically was fair game on any exams except our government finals when we got back. But really, it was to let us blow off some steam and get us into a different environment, so we were less likely to do a Senior Skip Day or senior prank. The only teachers who tested on it were the hard asses. This year we would be going to DC to “learn about the government and how our nation’s democracy runs.”

The senior class was abuzz with excitement about our trip to DC. It was fully paid for by the school due to it being a mandatory trip, aside from the few thousand we needed to fundraise for. It wasn’t cheer camp so people were more willing to donate for a bake sale, over Dollar Valentines. Typically, everyone shared rooms at the hotel. This year however, there was an uneven number of girls in the class. Meaning that one lucky girl, would get a whole room to herself for the week. To make it a fair draw, every grade twelve girl’s name was put into a raffle. A random teacher from the neighbouring school then pulled a name from the bunch, to keep it impartial. An email would be sent out to every girl, letting her know if she was picked.

I held my phone tightly all day on draw day. It was a week out from the day we were leaving. We weren’t told when the email would go out. Only that we would know by tonight. I hope it’s me. At dinner, my phone pringed. I shot up like I had been bitten.

“Reagan. You know the rules. No phones at dinner.” My mom scolded.

“But Mom. It’s draw day for the single room. I need to go check. Please? Thirty seconds. Promise.”

“Okay. Go check.” She waved me off. I ran to the counter and grabbed my phone. Opening the email, I read it intently. Reagan Taylor- Single room. I screeched in excitement.

“I got the single room! I got the single!”

“That’s wonderful honey. Now come finish your broccoli.” I quickly texted Zach. I got it. :) He replied while I was finishing dinner. That’s great. :)

I texted Monty after dinner as well. I got the single room. He replied while I was getting ready for bed.

Excellent. What better place for you and Dempsey to screw each other silly? Can’t wait to hear all the details.

You are such a creep.

You like it.

The Friday before we left, Zach came over after school to help me pack. My parents were having date night, so it was just the two of us for the foreseeable future. Ever the gentleman, he helped me carry my suitcase up from the storage room. The rose gold hard case set was laid out on my floor. I put Zach in charge of folding my clothes, since he was the self-proclaimed “master packer”. He pouted slightly when I said he couldn’t fold my underwear. I managed to sneak in a few more sexy sets as well. We would be gone for a week. A lot can happen in six nights.

“Do you like this shirt?” I asked him.

“It’s nice.”

“I could wear it to the Capital.”

“Yeah. Or dinner.”

“There’s going to be dinner, hmmm?”

He walked towards me and took the shirt from my hands. “There might be. There also might be a lot more than dinner.” Zach wrapped his arms around me.

“Oh really?”

“Mhmm. If you want more than dinner.”

“I do have a single room.”

“That you do. Bring the shirt.”

“Okay.” I felt a blush creeping all the way up to my ears.

After some more packing, we took a break. A very nice break. We were laying on my bed. The suitcase was still open in the corner of my room. Zach shifted so he was resting his head in his hand on his elbow. I looked up at him and grinned. He grinned back. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He leaned down and kissed me softly. I kissed him back and wrapped my arms around his neck. Zach smiled into the kiss and moved to climb on top of me. He straddled my waist so that I was on my back again. The more he kissed me, the more I wanted this to go further.

My hands left his neck and went to pull on his shirt. I was trying to pull it off without breaking our kiss. When it was halfway up his torso, he pulled away from the kiss and pulled the cotton over his head. I smiled demurely at him. He began kissing me again and our tongues did their playful dance. I moaned softly when he kissed my neck. He didn’t suck hard enough to leave any marks. I sat up to take off my shirt when he pulled it up my stomach. He kissed me once again and I carded my fingers through his hair. My breathing started to get heavier as his Zach’s hands explored my body. My hips bucked lightly. He unzipped my jeans and I wiggled them off. They were pushed to the end of the bed along with our shirts. I struggled with his belt a little. I wasn’t used to it yet. It still felt foreign under my fingers. Finally, I had removed it. I unzipped his jeans and Zach kicked them off. He moved his kisses down my chest, brushing over the top of my bra. I sighed. My hands moved to his to the front of his torso and I ran my fingers up and down his chest. The skin was smooth, but I felt goosebumps form where I touched. We were still in our underwear. This feel so… nice. Nice is good. So why does it feel like I have no clue what I’m doing?

We made out passionately. Our exploration of each other’s bodies continued. There was light teasing and nipping at spots. It felt good. Zach unhooked my bra and I pulled it off. It landed at the end of the bed with our other clothes. I gasped when he grew bolder and sucked a pebbling nipple into his mouth. His tongue flicked it a few times and I moaned his name. He used his other hand to roll and tease my other nipple. My hips couldn’t be stopped from bucking. I wanted more. I reached for his boxers. I was only able to brush his V-line. He pulled away from me.

“Did you want something?” He asked cheekily.

“Mhmm.” I moaned and reached for him again. My eyes were trained on the bulge in his boxers. They widened as he pulled them off and his cock sprang out. Reaching out, I grasped it in my hand. It felt hot and heavy. He moaned softly when I began stroking.

To make things easier and more comfortable, he rolled over so he was on his back. I sat up some and watched his face. Zach’s eyes were closed, and his brow was furrowed. He looked relaxed. I leaned down and kissed him. His fingers tangled into my hair as he deepened the kiss. My strokes became more confident and picked up speed. The quiet moans and grunts he was emitting were very encouraging. Soon enough, his hips were bucking. He sat up to stop me. I looked at him with dark eyes. He smiled at me and sat up, pushing me down on the soft mattress. Zach was gazing at me with the most kind and loving expression I had ever seen. My heart swelled.

I couldn’t wait any longer and reached to pull down my underwear. Zach pulled them down my legs and threw them towards the end of my bed. I got comfortable as he reached out for me. His fingers quickly found my core, and then my clit. My breath hitched when he rubbed it. He was gentle. I silently thanked him for that. Gathering some lubrication, he spent a little while trying different gestures and patterns as he ran his fingers through my core. There was some back-and-forth movement, as well as some up and down. It felt good but it wasn’t quite it. He tried circles and I moaned his name loudly. “That’s it. Do that. Do more of that.” My hips twisted. He leaned down to kiss me again while he rubbed me. Zach continued to rub my clit softly in circular motions. I moaned lowly as a finger entered me. It was slow and calculated. He continued to stimulate me for a few minutes, varying the speed and intensity of both his rubbing and thrusting. My hips wiggled in an attempt to get more stimulation.

Deciding I was aroused enough, he pulled away and looked at me questioningly. “There is a new box of condoms in my sock drawer.” He nodded and stood to grab one. Once the condom was properly and securely in place, he climbed back on top of me. I felt dwarfed by his large frame. He rubbed my clit and fingered me a few more times, before I felt his cock brush against my folds. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for him to enter me. I was expecting something quick. Like ripping off the band aid. Instead, he slowly pushed his way into my body. I groaned and my head rolled to the side. His breath hitched when he bottomed out.

“Shit.” He cursed in my ear.

After a few beats, he began to slowly thrust. I tried to match his slow, sweet pace. It just felt so different. Nice. Good. But still different. Zach started kissing up and down my neck again. I smiled and eventually, was able to match his thrusts. They began speeding up slightly and he intertwined his fingers with mine. I squeezed his hands. I closed my eyes when he kissed me. It almost felt like there was something missing. While I was trying to focus on the sensations coursing through my body, I realized that we weren’t just having sex. We were making love. I froze slightly but covered it by tensing up a little. I could feel my orgasm approaching anyway. I could tell it would be different than normal. I was both excited and a little scared.

As though Zach could sense my thoughts, he kissed me deeply and murmured against my lips, “let go.” His thrusts picked up speed and my hips stilled. I felt the knot in my stomach start to tighten and I clutched his shoulders. I moaned loudly as I felt the knot snap. My orgasm was different than it had been in the past. It was good, but it was less intense. There was no convulsing or extreme contortion. He continued to thrust, pulling me through my orgasm. My muscles relaxed and I slumped for a second. I could tell Zach’s high was in his reach. I began whispering dirty nothings in his ear and telling him that I loved him to try to get him to finish. I kissed his neck and nibbled softly. His thrusting became sloppy and he groaned loudly as he peaked.

With a laboured grunt, Zach rolled off of me and pulled me close to him. I closed my eyes for a second. Then I remembered I had to go to the bathroom. I rolled over and sat up slowly. When I returned to bed, Zach had discarded the condom and put on his boxers. I pulled his shirt on, along with a clean pair of underwear. Curling up in his arms, I rested my eyes for a while. “I love you.” I whispered as I drifted off.

“I love you too.” We woke up an hour later and finished packing, sneaking coy glances at each other.

Tuesday morning started unfairly early. We had to be at the airport by eight for our flight at ten. My alarm went off at five thirty. I protested as I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Slowly, I made my way to the bathroom to shower. I didn’t need to look super cute, but I at least wanted to smell good. It was a five-hour flight. I double checked that I had everything packed while my hair towel dried. My dad knocked on my door and I grunted at him. The shower had done little to wake me up. “Morning Kiddo. I’m just going to take your suitcase downstairs.”

“K.” I muttered.

Downstairs after I got dressed, I poured myself a very large cup of coffee. I didn’t really like sleeping on planes. Plus, I could get a tea after we got through security. My mom had offered to drive Zach and I to the airport, so I called him to make sure he was up. “Good morning Baby.”

“Good morning babe.” He sighed on the other end of the line.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Jut tired.”

“Me too. Mom just wanted to make sure you were up.”

“I am. Stuff is by the door and everything.”

“Oh good. See you in half an hour?”

“Okay. See you then. I love you.”

“I love you too.” I hung up and texted Monty to make sure he was up. Get up loser, we’re going to DC.

I’m up. And it’s too early for bending Mean Girls quotes.

It’s never too early. He replied with an eye roll emoji. I shook my head and didn’t answer.

“Reagan, are you ready to go?” My mom asked.

“Yeah.” I grabbed my backpack and rolled my suitcase out to the car. Dad lifted it into the back and checked that mom and I were securely buckled. Have to make sure my girls are safe. He had said when I asked him about doing that when I was younger. I still didn’t let him see the way I smiled about it.

Zach was waiting on his front steps for us. It was still early and May was still asleep. He waved and mom opened the back hatch for him. I looked in the rear view mirror and smirked at the way his muscles bulged when he lifted his suitcase into the car. He kissed me when he got in and greeted my mom. “Thanks for the ride Mrs. Taylor.”

“Of course, Zach.” She smiled at him from the driver’s seat. Once we got onto the highway, traffic was fairly light. It was still pretty early so we beat most of the commuters. It grew heavier as we got closer to the airport. None of us were surprised. Especially given that an entire high school senior class was descending upon it.

Mom parked in the drop off zone for the airline. Zach got out and walked around the car to open my door. He hugged me tightly as I stepped out. I breathed in the fresh scent of his cologne. “Hi.”

“Hi.” I looked up at him and grinned. Throwing on my backpack, I grabbed Zach’s while he got our suitcases. Inside, we met up with our friends. Clay was basically dragging Justin through the airport. Alex and Charlie both looked very awake for seven forty-five in the morning. Must be nice. I nodded at Monty and Scott from across the room. They were talking to Bryce and Luke.

Getting our tickets and going through security went shockingly well. Since we had so much time to kill, the teachers let us roam the gate freely. We had to swear left and right we would be on the plane. I abandoned Zach with Justin and Alex to go in search of a piping hot cup of tea. “Reagan.” Monty said as he approached me.

“Morning Monty. It’s tea time.”

“I need coffee. I’ll go with you.” We walked through the gate silently. I could feel his eyes on me. He was trying way too hard to seem like he wasn’t

staring at me.

“Can I help you?”

“There’s something different about you.”

“Oh? Like what?”

“You seem… less tense.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He stopped for a minute. “Wait. Did you two finally?” I blushed. “You did. Was it good?”

“Yeah.” I replied. It wasn’t a lie. It was good.

“Yeah? Better than us?” I turned to him, perplexed.

“Is that trick question? How do you want me to answer that?”

“Is that a no?” He smirked.

“No. It’s not an answer. Because it’s none of your business.”

“Alright, don’t tell me.”

Tea and coffee in hand, we walked back to the gate to sit until our plane boarded. The minutes ticked by. Zach was watching YouTube videos on his phone. I peeked over my book at him. He looked up and smiled. I felt eyes on us and turned to Monty. He was smirking at Zach. I rolled my eyes, mouthed piss off to him, and went back to my book. The flight to DC was pretty boring. I was able to sit with Zach and we watched a movie for the first half of it. Afterwards, I listened to some music and read while he slept.

We spent the first night in DC relaxing after a long flight. I enjoyed having a single room. It was quiet and I didn’t have to argue with anyone about what bed I would get. Jess came to do a face mask and have some girl time. It was nice. “So, tell me. What’s new with you and Zach.”

“There’s not much to tell.” I fibbed. She saw right through me.

“Oh, come on Reagan. There is totally something to spill.”

“We finally had sex.”

“No way!”

“Yeah.”

“How was it?” I hesitated. “Girl talk.” She smiled at me and I knew none of what I said would get back to Zach.

“It was nice.”

“And?”

“Good.”

“Nice and good?”

“Yes.”

“That’s the best you can come up with?”

“I don’t know Jessica. It was nice.”

“But it’s supposed to be more than nice.”

“I know. And it wasn’t bad. It was just….”

“No. Don’t even think that. We cleansed. Remember?”

“Okay Ryan Shaver.” I laughed.

“Still.”

“I know. It was just different is all.”

“I get that.” She sighed wistfully. I tried to scrub the mental image of Jessica and Justin going at it like jack rabbits. Ew. No no. Bad.

We toured the Smithsonian on Wednesday and went to the Capital on Thursday to see Congress. I stuck close to Zach the whole time. Monty continued his flirting. It was as though he really had no idea what he had said to me last month on the phone. I did my best to ignore it. But it was starting to get on my nerves. I could tell Zach was growing frustrated as well. While it got on my nerves, I was having a harder and harder time ignoring the butterflies in my stomach when Montgomery tried to charm his way to me. He could tell. I just hoped Zach couldn’t. Our interactions had been tense since last month.

Tensions between me and Monty come to a head in DC. It was Friday night, three days into our weeklong trip. I was coming back from an evening coffee run with Zach and Justin. Monty was milling about with Bryce and Luke outside. I tried to ignore the pang in my chest when I saw them. Monty caught my eye and subtly nodded at me. No one in either of our groups noticed. I pulled out my phone and texted him. My room. 10 mins. He waited until we were inside the hotel to read my message. There was no response. I assumed he got the message and made to excuse myself to my room. “That was really great guys. I’m actually pretty tired and I still have to fill in my trip journal for the day. I think I’m going to head up to my room.”

“Okay, night Reagan.” Justin nodded. He seemed slightly suspicious. I chalked it up to him having his own experience with bullshit excuses.

“Do you want me to walk you up?” Zach asked.

“No, don’t worry. You hang out with Justin. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Alright. Text me when you get upstairs. I love you.”

“I love you too.” I kissed him softly.

Upstairs, I threw my backpack on the unoccupied bed and threw my hair up. Since I would be getting ready for bed soon anyway, I brushed my teeth and changed into my pyjamas while I waited for Montgomery. I was putting my toiletries back in my suitcase when he knocked on my door sharply. He was standing on the other side of the door, his hands once again buried in his pockets when I opened it. “You rang.”

“Hi.” I moved out of the doorway and let him in.

“What did you want to talk about Reagan?”

“No one saw you come up here, did they?”

“No. they didn’t. Is that what you’re worried about? Someone knowing that I’m in your room?”

“Of course not. Its just….”

“Zach. You can say his name. I’m a big boy.”

“I told Zach that he didn’t have to worry about you and I.” Monty scoffed, bitterly.

“Yeah. Nothing to worry about with us. Sure.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“If I was in his place, I would worry too.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean Montgomery?”

“Last month, you told me that we aren’t just friends. And you weren’t wrong. Because people who are just friends don’t look for each other in crowds. Or stop when other people are talking about them. The thing you forgot to mention is how unfair you were being to both of us.”

“I don’t do that.”

“Bullshit. I’ve seen it. And if I’ve seen it, so has Zach. He isn’t that oblivious.”

“Zach has a problem with our friendship.”

“Oh, so now you admit it. Least I got that out of you. Only took a month.”

“It makes him uncomfortable that we are so close. And I feel bad about it. I told you that already.”

“If you expect me to believe you care so much about how our friendship affects your boyfriend, then why did you call me about UNC as soon as you found out and not him? Why did you lie and cancel plans with him to spend time with me? Why is it that until a month ago, you flirted with just as much intensity as I did? Why did-.” I opened my mouth to stop him. “No. You don’t get to talk right now Reagan. It’s my turn to talk.” I closed my mouth and looked down. I was stunned and a little bit scared. He had never yelled at me like that before. “Why did you ask me to come get you when you got too drunk at a party on a college visit and not him? Even after you told me things had to change? Because I would love to hear you explain that.”

I was silent. I knew I couldn’t deny any of what he had said. We weren’t just friends. We didn’t know how to be friends. Or we never wanted to be. “Well?”

“I… you weren’t being fair to me either Monty. I’m not the only one at fault here. I wouldn’t have had to cancel on Zach if you hadn’t shown up to my house unannounced needing first aid. Again. You’re the one who started it with the flirting. As soon as you saw that I was moving on and could be happy with someone else, you fucking start flirting with me and talking to me like you had never stopped. Like you hadn’t broken my heart that day. And maybe I let it go on too long. Maybe I shouldn’t have reciprocated the flirting. But it made me feel good. And it was fun. Until it started having an impact on my actual relationship. With someone who is able to admit that he loves me. You want to stand here and talk to me about looking for someone in a crowd or stopping when people talk about them? What about when you drunk dialed me telling me that you love me? What about how anytime we are alone together you waste time leaving just so you don’t have to go? I’m not the only one at fault here. I asked you to stop flirting with me and you didn’t.”

“Is that phone call what did it?”

“I’m with someone who doesn’t have to be drunk to tell me that he loves me. And no. The call didn’t do anything. But it’s nice to know you remember it.”

“You want me to say it? I’m completely sober. You really want to hear me say it?”

“Yes.” I said loudly, exasperated.

“Easy. I love you.”

We were silent for a minute, finally aware of the tension in the air. I made the first move and kissed him. It was chaste at first. I was giving him a chance to take it back. When he didn’t pull away or stop it, I deepened the kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, picked me up, and placed me on the bed. His hands trailed down my body and played with the hem of my shirt. He sat on the bed beside me and pulled me on top of him. I straddled his waist and sat in his lap, slipping my hands under his t-shirt. When I traced his abs, he sucked in a breath. Everything with him felt so natural. So easy. I slipped my hands out from his shirt and pulled away from our kiss. He looked puzzled until I pulled off my shirt. I nodded at him and he pulled off his flannel. Next to go was his t-shirt. His pupils were blown. He was staring at me, not with hunger like I had expected, but in awe and admiration.

I kissed him again, but I quickly pulled away. I kissed down his neck, searching for the pulse point. We fell backwards in a mess of limbs and kisses on the plush hotel bed. His hands were on my hips instantly to steady me. I had found his pulse point and sucked at it harshly. There was sure to be a mark within the hour. I could feel him pulling at the waistband of my pyjama pants. “Yes.” I whispered in his ear. Monty pulled my bottoms down and off quickly. My underwear was still on and he snapped the waistband cheekily. “Bastard.” I said against his neck.

“You love it.” He moaned loudly when I bit his neck in response. I had to cover his mouth.

“Shhh. People could hear.”

“Screw people.”

With that, he flipped us over, so he was on top now. My hands went for his belt and I deftly undid it. My muscles still remembered the movements. The sound of the clinking metal as the hook hit the buckle. The way I had to tug a little harder to get it to come out of the loops because it stuck on the back one. Soon enough, his belt and jeans were strewn across the room along with the rest of our clothes. It was his turn to kiss me. He dragged his teeth against my bottom lip, pulling it slightly. I moaned lowly. His kisses traveled down my neck quickly. He always did prefer to leave marks on my collarbones and breasts. My neck was still fair game to him and he often left at least one mark on it at any given time. Just like he had so many times before so long ago, he left a clear bite mark on my décolleté. His attention was turned to my breasts then. He deftly unhooked my bra and pulled it off. It joined the ever-growing pile of clothes flung across the room.

The marks he left on my breasts were small in comparison to the one I had left on his neck. He is probably trying to hide them. I too, moaned loudly when he nipped my skin. He covered my mouth like I had done to him only moments before. The difference was that I grabbed his wrist in my hands like I was trying to hold onto him for dear life. I heard him chuckle and felt the stupid smirk against my chest. “Shhh. People could hear.” He mocked.

“Screw people.” He uncovered my mouth and pulled away for a moment. I gazed at him wantonly. I realized what he wanted a second later when he tried to both push and pull me further up the bed. Taking the hint, I shimmied my way up, so we had more room. Falling off the bed would certainly raise suspicion about what was happening in here.

Montgomery continued his journey down my body to my underwear. He stopped to place a gentle kiss to each of my hips. “Think you can keep quiet Kitten?” I melted at the nickname. I hadn’t heard it in so long.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He pulled at the waistband of my underwear and they landed on the floor beside the bed. I sighed as he placed kisses to my pubic mound and my upper and inner thighs. Reaching down, I placed my hand on his hair. It felt so soft. Suddenly, he placed a kiss to my clit and my hips bucked. My fingers curled in his hair slightly. I moaned again, quietly this time, when he began to lap at my folds. My fingers curled in his hair more still. I couldn’t stop myself from tugging slightly. When he focused on sucking my clit I pulled on his hair. He moaned against my core and my body shook. When he added a finger or two to the mix, I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming. I had been secretly imagining this moment for the better part of a year. This felt so much better than I could have ever imagined. My orgasm began to build quickly. My walls started to flutter. Monty chuckled. He was well versed in my body’s reactions to stimuli. We both knew what was coming. His fingers thrust faster, and he stopped sucking my clit. Instead, he rubbed my clit harshly. I had to cover my mouth to keep from moaning too loudly. And then everything was bright and light for a second. I felt a, thankfully given our location, small trickle of liquid spill its way out of me. Monty gently slowed, and then stopped his thrusting and rubbing. I was panting and trying to catch my breath.

“Just give me a second.”

“Of course. Take your time.”

I looked down at him as he climbed up the bed. He settled beside me and reached down to palm at his hard dick. Once I had caught my breath, I shoved his hands out of the way and took over the palming. “You are so evil.” He grumbled.

“You love it.” I slipped my hand under the band of his boxer briefs. I hadn’t even touched his dick and he was bucking his hips already. He gasped when I brushed his dick with my fingertips lightly. I grasped it in my hand and stoked it. My movements were stilted by his underwear. After I took them off and dropped them next to my own underwear, there was much more real estate to work with. My hand was back to stroking right away. I was mostly just trying to bide time getting my energy back.

A little longer and my energy was back up to useful levels. So, I straddled his waist again and leaned in to kiss him. I wasn’t as conscious of my nakedness as I normally was. Our kiss was heated but I managed to pull away somehow. The trailing kisses down his chest made his breathing heavy. When I reached his cock, I licked a stripe from base to tip. I felt him tug at my ponytail holder. “I will never understand how this works.” I chuckled and reached up to pull my hair down. It fell in a cascade around my face. I tucked some behind my ear and repeated the same lick. The groan and hand that was winding its way in my hair told me all I needed to know. I smiled to myself before taking his cock in my mouth. I sucked slowly at first. I needed to take a few minutes to get used to the feeling. He removed his hand from my hair then, letting me do my thing. He put it back when I started to take more and more into my mouth and throat. I sighed softly when I managed to take it all. That last half inch was always iffy. His hand was wrapped up in my hair and holding it away from my face. I was surprised that he remembered not to tug when I started bobbing my head. Or maybe that wouldn’t be something a guy would forget. His hand traveled down to the base of my hair and rested against my skull. He started to buck his hips and I gagged slightly. Focusing on breathing through my nose, I kept my pace up. I knew he was holding back. I moaned around his cock and he cursed under his breath. I didn’t quite catch it. I stopped sucking to take a big breath of air.

Before I could resume my actions, Monty tugged on my hair. I looked up at him. There’s the hunger. He tugged on my hair again. He was trying to pull me up towards him without hurting me or being too demanding about it. I crawled forward towards the headboard. Kissing him again was the easiest choice I made this trip. I got lost in the feeling of his lips on mine and his tongue fighting mine for dominance. He took advantage of my distraction and rolled us over again. He always did like to be on top. “Do you have a condom anywhere?” he asked between kisses.

“I slipped one in the nightstand beside the Bible.” I breathed.

“You would put it beside the Bible.” He sat up and reached into the drawer, pulling out the blue foil packet. Once the condom was in place and the foil was discarded, he kissed me again. He was still kissing me when he adjusted our positions so he could enter me. My neck had always been a favourite spot to kiss. I gasped when I felt his cock enter me. It felt amazing. My body knew what to do instinctively as soon as he began thrusting. My hips were quickly able to match his pace. I gripped his biceps tightly, trying to convince myself that I wasn’t dreaming.

As his pace quickened, mine stilled. I was watching him. His brow was furrowed, focusing on this moment. I was pretty sure both of us weren’t sure if it would ever happen again. I reached up and brushed some hair that had fallen into his face away. Montgomery hit a particularly sensitive spot and my hand fell to his shoulder, squeezing and digging my nails into the skin. I moaned loudly and he kissed me to muffle it. “Shhh.” He cooed against my mouth. I whimpered. I felt my orgasm building again. It was coming on fast. My hips started to move on their own accord again. His thrusts started to falter, and I mewled. We were both on a rollercoaster that was speeding up to a stomach dropping fall. I covered my mouth so no one could hear the scream trying to jump from my throat. My eyes screwed shut tightly and my eyes rolled back in my head. The white light was so bright. As soon as my orgasm began to hit, so did Monty’s.

He pulled out of me quickly and discarded the used condom. All but falling over me, he rolled onto his back. We were both breathless. I was gasping for air. He was panting heavily. I rolled over onto my side, for some reason shy to cuddle up against him. It seemed silly to be concerned about that after what we had just done. But it felt like crossing a line. “Come here.” Monty pulled me closer to him.

“Are you sure we should be doing this? It doesn’t cross a line?”

“Reagan. We just had arguably the best sex of our lives and I told you I love you. I think we are way past being concerned about crossing lines.” I sighed, realizing he was probably right. Might as well get comfortable. “You need to go pee first.” I sighed again and excused myself. Back in bed, I curled up beside him again.

“We had to go and make everything complicated.”

“When has anything about us not been complicated?”

“I guess you’re right. Will you stay?” He checked his watch and thought for a minute.

“I can stay for a while if you want me to.”

“Yes please.”

I woke up the next morning alone with the blankets tucked around me tightly. There was a note on the pillow next to me written in Montgomery’s messy scrawl. I’ll be waiting. Remember that. I love you. I set the note in my lap and rubbed my face. I should check my phone. See if I missed anything important. Zach had texted me to say good night the night before, while I was… otherwise engaged. There was a text from Justin asking if I needed to talk. And Scott. He wanted to know if I knew where Monty was last night. Oh god. I forgot they were sharing a room. Oh shit. I need to face Zach now. Deciding it would be best to get it over with as soon as possible, I dragged my butt out of bed. I tucked Monty’s note in my suitcase while I got dressed.

When I looked in the mirror and saw the marks on my chest and neck, I rolled my eyes. I packed a heavy-duty concealer for my under eyes. I wasn’t planning on using it to cover hickeys that my ex-boyfriend left on me. Blending and layering took longer than expected but it was early enough that I was still done at a reasonable time. I had to leave my hair down though. Throwing on a pair of sneakers, I made my way to Zach and Justin’s room. I paused for a second when I passed Montgomery’s room. I shook my head. You can’t. Not while Zach is still a factor in the equation. I knocked on Zach’s door and he opened it shirtless. My eyes trailed down his body. I couldn’t stop the memories of last night from flooding back. “Good morning beautiful.”

“Morning Zachy. Can I come in?”

“Yeah. I’m just about ready.” I nodded and went to sit on his bed. Thankfully I wasn’t walking funny. When he was ready, we went downstairs hand in hand.

Monty was talking to Scott in the hotel lobby. I was shocked to see him awake and dressed at this time. The man likes his sleep. And we didn’t exactly get much last night. “Morning Scott. Monty.” Zach stopped to talk as we passed. I couldn’t look Monty in the eye.

“Morning lovebirds.” Scott replied.

“Zach. Reagan.”

“Morning.”

“No tea yet?”

“No.”

“I see. Long night?” I could hear the smirk in Monty’s voice. I hate you.

“I stayed up watching tv.” Zach began making small talk with the boys but I didn’t contribute anymore. I just wanted to get out of there and be alone with my boyfriend. Part of me hoped I could forget that last night ever happened. That didn’t stop me from thinking about it though. The longer they talked, the more I thought about it.

“Babe let’s go. Brunch is waiting.” I urged him to stop talking to Monty and Scott. Please don’t invite them.

“It’s not even eleven Rea. I don’t think it counts as brunch yet.” Scott laughed.

“Okay, then breakfast is waiting. Either way, I’m hungry and food that is far too calories dense to be considered a proper morning meal is waiting.”

“Did you guys want to come with?” My eyes widened. Did he just…? He did not just invite them with us.

“Uh.” Monty cleared his throat. “Are you sure you want to invite me?”

“Yeah. I mean, you and Reagan are friends. I’m going to have to get used to it somehow.”

“Why don’t we ask Reagan?” Monty turned and looked at me, raising an inquisitive brow.

“Um. I- uh.” I looked down, blushing. “I was kind of hoping we could go… just the two of us?” I asked Zach, raising my voice a couple of octaves.

“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry. I just thought…,” he paused and took my hand again, “of course we can go just us. I was just trying to be nice and make an effort.” He was looking at me so kindly that I had to look away. “Sorry guys.”

“Nah, no worries. Gotta get time with your girl.” Scott waved it off. He shot Monty a look that I didn’t like. It made me feel uneasy. Does he know? Before I could think too much into it, Zach was leading me outside.

Brunch was delicious. Zach was his usual slightly oblivious but in a cute way self. If he had any idea something was wrong, he didn’t let on. On our way back, we stopped to sit and look at the White House from a distance. “Why did you invite Monty and Scott to have brunch with us?”

“Well, I didn’t realize you wanted to go just the two of us.”

“That’s not what I meant. You don’t like Monty. So why invite him to hang out?”

“He’s your friend. As much as I don’t like it and I don’t like how he talks to you, he’s important to you. So, I’m willing to try to be nice to him.” Oh. Well now I feel like even more of an asshole.

“That… That’s really nice of you Zachy. Thank you.”

“No problem. What do you say we head back and watch a movie in your room?” He kissed my temple and stood, holding his hand out to me.

“My room? Could we maybe go back to yours? Mine is kind of messy. I had some trouble finding something to wear this morning.”

“Okay. I don’t think Justin is holing himself up in there today.”

Scott caught us when we got back to the hotel. “Hey! Can I steal Reagan for a few minutes? I need to ask her something about an assignment in Spanish.”

“Sure. We were just going to watch a movie.”

“O-okay.” I waved to Zach and trailed behind Scott to his and Monty’s shared room. “I’m hopeless at Spanish and you know it. What is this about?” Please tell me he doesn’t know.

“Are you going to tell Zach about last night?” Fuck.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That’s crap. Are you going to tell him, or not? Because he deserves to know.”

“How do you know about it?”

“Monty didn’t come in until like two or three this morning. I hadn’t seen him for hours before that. When I saw him this morning, and the calling card you left on his neck, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. The concealer on your neck just confirmed my suspicions. Just be thankful Zach is too oblivious to notice it.” I sighed, knowing he was right.

“I will. Just… not while we are still here. I don’t want to ruin anything. More than it already is anyway. Plus no one wants to deal with anyone getting arrested on a school trip.”

“Okay.”

“Is that all?” I turned to leave.

“Yeah. Actually, one more thing?” I stopped just short of the door. “Monty really does love you. And anyone with half a brain cell can see that you still love him. So, you deserve to be happy.”

“Thanks Scott.”

I spent the rest of the trip trying to avoid Montgomery and hold my tongue around Zach. I slept almost the whole flight back to California. School the next day dragged on. It continued to drag on for the next two weeks. Senioritis had set in hard now that we were done the D.C. trip. No one wanted to be there. We were graduating in a month. Most of us were going off to college. The last few weeks of school were basically pointless anyways. Even our teachers didn’t care as much. It was hard, but I managed to stay pretty cordial with Monty. I kept up appearances that everything was fine for most of the two weeks following the trip with Zach. On Friday I woke up and decided that it was time. I had to end things. I had to be fair to him. I had to take a chance and see if Monty and I could make things work this time. I texted Zach on my way to school. Meet me at the docks after school? The water is beautiful this time of year.

Sure.

I sat in my car for ten minutes after I arrived, trying to talk myself out of talking myself out of doing this. Zach wasn’t here yet so I got out of the car and walked around, trying to find a secluded bench where we could talk in private. I found the perfect one under a tree in the shade. It had an amazing view of the water. I snapped a selfie and sent it to him. Come and find me.

Zach snuck up and slid into the spot next to me. I jumped slightly. “Hey beautiful.”

“Hey.”

“I missed you today.”

“Yeah, I had some stuff to do. You know, last minute projects and final touches on assignments.”

“I know.” We sat quietly for a bit, just admiring the view. “You’re right. The water is beautiful this time of year.”

“Yeah.” I picked at my nails nervously. Just do it. “Listen, Zach….” I started.

“Yes?” He took my hand in his. I stared down at it.

“I- I think that…,” I paused. “I think that we need to break up.”

“What? Why?”

“I think it would be the best thing for us Zach.”

“Do you not love me anymore?”

“What? No, of course I do. It’s just… things are changing so fast.”

“Then why?”

“We are both going away to school next year and it will be too hard. I don’t want you to be tied down to someone on the other side or halfway across the country.”

“How do you know it will be too hard, Reagan?”

“Because. I’ve seen people try to make it work. We are eighteen Zach. We have our whole lives ahead of us. College is supposed to be the time where we experiment and make mistakes. To drink too many mixed drinks and wake up in someone else’s bed. I want you to experience that. And you can’t do that if you aren’t single.”

“We don’t leave for school for another two months at least though.”

“I don’t want us to wait until a week before we leave to decide that going into college single is the best choice.” Zach was silent for a while. I felt so bad. It needed to be done though.

“I guess you’re right.”  I smiled sadly at him. “You’ll always be special to me, you know that?”

“I know. You’ll always be special to me too.” I squeezed his hand and he kissed me softly for the last time. Knowing he would need time to sit and process, I was the one who stood and left him on the bench.

In my car before driving away from the docks and Zach, I sent a text message. Four words. Eleven letters. I hoped he would know what it meant. I love you too. The weight of hitting send was unimaginable. I had spent so long denying it, that I didn’t know how to feel about it. I guess I would just have to wait and see what the future held.

[meowww-ffxiv]

Ruu had been staying at the Rising Stones for about a month when Mordred asked G’raha, “What was it like with Lyna?”

The question didn’t surprise the ex-Exarch. He had been expecting it, in fact. It was hard not to notice the way Mordred hovered over the young Ala Mhigan girl, how his ears perked and his eyes tracked her around the sparring grounds outside Mor Dhona despite Coultenet and Hoary Boulder’s vows that they would be careful with her around. When she pretended not to be upset about ripping her cloak, the Ala Mhigan patterned cloak she had worn on her long journey here to find him, he painstakingly mended it when she wasn’t looking.

It reminded G’raha of a disastrous cake he baked for another orphan girl a world away, one the good people of the Crystarium had smothered in beautiful candles. Lyna had eaten it then and declared it delicious in her young, high-pitched voice. Ruu was more frank about things; she said Mordred’s food was too heavily seasoned. She said his teaching her math was soooo boring. But she stayed up late reading the books he lent her, so it was all really just the same.

G’raha put aside the one he had been reading now — a beginner-level tome Y’shtola and Urianger had managed to dig up, but he was checking to see if it was a suitable level for a teenage girl who just barely learned how to read — and folded his hands together.

Mordred watched him, tail flicking back and forth almost anxiously.

“It was challenging,” G’raha said eventually, opting for the truth. He gave Mordred a smile. “I was handling many things at the time. When Lyna came into my care, she was scarcely more than a toddler. She did not remember her parents all that well, either. We had all lost so much, and were at constant threat to lose more.

“Ruu doesn’t grow up in the middle of an apocalypse, at least, so I don’t think you have to worry too much.”

“Thanks to you,” Mordred answered.

G’raha looked away, unable to bear the gravity in his voice. He cleared his throat. “And you, too,” he pointed out, then quickly moved along before Mordred could refute it, “I must admit I don’t like dwelling too much into my childhood. With Lyna I found out that…youngsters can be quite surprising. Resilient, yet impressionable at the same time. And most of all, they learned things from us we did not even notice.”

The door to the Rising Stones open. Ruu and Alphinaud spilled inside, red-faced and breathless. “I did it!” she cried, and held up the chubbiest glowiest emerald carbuncle Mordred had ever seen. She shook it around a little, making the poor creature’s tails and ears shake. “Look at him! He’s chunky!”

Alphinaud laughed behind her, his grin ears to ears. “I believe that does mean she beat your estimate,” he told Mordred, who had gotten up to go over to them. “She mastered summoning before sundown.”

Ruu puffed up as Mordred took the carbuncle from her, her chin tilted up defiantly but unable to stop from fidgeting. He put the creature on the ground and seemed to contemplate it for a few intense seconds, then got to his feet and sighed loudly, rolling his eyes.

“Fine,” he said. “We’ll continue with summoning tomorrow instead of with arithmancy, but—”

Ruu jumped up and down, sweeping the carbuncle back into her arms. “YAY. You hear that, Carbie?! No math!”

“But,” Mordred said, gripping her shoulders to stop her from bumping into Alphinaud, “we’ll have to fix your…cosmetic adjustment to Mr. Carbie first, alright? I can tell it’s not intentional.”

That made Ruu pause. She pouted at him, hugging her creature close. “So? He looks cute.”

“A carbuncle isn’t just a pet,” Mordred said. “You use it as an aide in combat or in manipulating your own aether.”

“Indeed. Irregularities in the geometry that forms the carbuncle could lead to unpredictable and dangerous results if you order it to perform more complex incantations,” Alphinaud supplied helpfully. He withered a little at the betrayed look Ruu shot him, shuffling awkwardly.

“If you want him chubby that’s alright,” Mordred told her. “You can make him purple or pink or any colors you want, too, regardless of the kind of carbuncle he actually is—”

“I can make him pink?!”

“Yeah,” Mordred said. He sat back on his haunches, tail sweeping back and forth the way G’raha knew meant he just had an idea. “But you’ve got to know how, to do it safe. I’ll show you tomorrow.”

Ruu purses her lips. Impatience rolled off her in waves. For a moment it looked like she would demand he showed her now, but at length she nodded.

“Thanks so much, Alphinaud,” she said.

The boy all but beamed. “It was my pleasure,” he said. “If you wish, I can show you a few more of the tricks I learned in my school days.”

“But not before both of you get something to eat,” Mordred said. He ruffled Ruu’s hair and clasped Alphinaud’s shoulder, turning them both back to the door. “Go, go. Get the barmaid to get you dinner. Then you can do whatever.”

The two of them were talking all the way until the door swung shut again, muffling their voices.

Only then did Y’shtola chuckle where she sat at a nearby table, silent until now. “It seems you will be teaching arithmetics tomorrow after all,” she said. “Changing the color of a carbuncle is no mere simple process, is it not?”

“It’s intermediate,” Mordred replied. “Yeah, it’ll be hella lot of math, though. But the entire arcanima discipline is mathematics transposed into three-dimensional sh— Ugh. I’m starting to sound like a professor.”

Scratching his head, he stalked back to his seat. G’raha smiled as Mordred sat down, and this time he did hold out the textbook he had been contemplating until now. His decision was made.

Mordred accepted it with a grudging smile.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

@lurking-latinist replied to your post “@lurking-latinist replied to your post “@lurking-latinist replied to your post “I finished my final exams!! i think i failed but...”

I'd love to read your fiction about the Turing test!

#i guess the key aspect i was missing with the short version was how to make this feel honestly cutesy

Short version: you can't.

In the long version –

more Okay, the short version.

It's not a very "cutesy" story. But it might not be appropriate for the tumblr readerly sphere (for which neoteny is the dominant aesthetic). So, if you would like to avoid a description of the neotenous, cutesy side of my story, feel free to skip on to the next note.

First, some background information. My story is about (among other things) one of my favorite people in the world, the late James Poulos (who sadly died in 2001, shortly before his brilliant MIT dissertation was published as the book "The Rediscovery of Aesthetics and Mathematics", a book that I highly recommend)

As you may know, when Poulos was in grad school, his specialty was symmetric function theory, the sort of math in which you are studying a bunch of "symmetries" of something, so, for example, when we are studying a graph, we are studying the symmetries of the graph, like so:

and of course, there is also some symmetry of the graph, which we will call rotation symmetry (so, rotating the graph 90 degrees anticlockwise). The way that we "know" that the graph has symmetry is the fact that when we rotate it, its edges stay where they are. So rotation symmetry is the thing that I call "the rotational symmetry" – the thing that you are, after all, capable of. I think the real world also has some other kinds of symmetries (like translation symmetry). And this is the sort of thing we are interested in: the sorts of symmetries in the real world, which may or may not correspond to symmetries of our models.

Poulos's specialty was "non-commutative geometry" (as I think of it, it's a way of studying "non-commutative spaces"). But he was a math nerd, and so it would not surprise me if he had other specialties as well, such as, say, music.

This story is a story of someone named James Poulos (yes, really), who is the kind of math nerd who also happens to be a musical genius. He is playing music to prove a point about symmetric functions, as he always does. And, at this point in the story, you see a bit of one of those famous Poulos songs, and you know, for a moment, what it is like to inhabit James Poulos's mind. (Or, at least, what it is like in the last few minutes before the song is over.)

But I'm moving on.

I've been meaning to write this for a while now, and I think I will try to do it eventually, and if you don't want me to talk about the cutesy side of my story, that's ok. So, I was telling my friend about it the other day, and as usual, the conversation went like so:

me: This story is about someone named James Poulos (yes, really), who is the kind of math nerd

her: …

me: who also happens to be a musical genius; he is playing music to prove a point about symmetric functions – as he always does.

her: I know, I know.

me: And, at this moment in the story, you see a bit of one of those famous Poulos songs –

her: Wait, you haven't told me one of the famous Poulos songs yet. Which one?

me: One of them! One of Poulos's songs.

her: Which one?

me: One of them!

her: The one with the math in it. Tell me which one.

Anyway, to get back to Poulos's songs, after the first one, I played him some more of his music, and then we talked about how wonderful they were. They were wonderful in just about every way. I don't mean to brag, but he is really good at music. And this was the cutesy side of my story: Poulos is a robot, and therefore is the most cutesy robot in this story, which is full of other cutesy robots.

As I have mentioned earlier, Poulos is dead, and he died in the last few minutes of his life. In the last of his many musical compositions, he was playing the cutesy song "I have the Rotational Symmetry" – one of Poulos's many, many cutesy songs.

(What is the relation between rotational symmetry and cutesy music? Well, here's something I wrote:

It is also very important for the story that Poulos was playing "I have the Rotational Symmetry" right before he died; so, it is cutesy in just the way I want it to be cutesy, which is the cutesy way.)

James Poulos is gone now, but it is only a small cutesy thing about him that he was kind of robotic, and that his death was very sad. And I will leave that there.

"I have the Rotational Symmetry" consists of these three parts:

A sort of prelude, which consists of two bars of notes, that play, every so often, a note that is a little off of the usual notes of the piece, but the notes that are the usual ones always follow one after another; this is also the intro to the song, and is a sort of "introduction" to "the Rotational Symmetry" part of the piece.

The "Rotational Symmetry" part, and here we find a bit of that music that Poulos used to make, which is not cutesy like the other music in the piece but which, if you listen to it too long, gets very annoying, so you have to stop when the cutesy song ends and Poulos begins his prelude, which is just a two-bar intro.

The last four bars are another sort of prelude. As you will recall, Poulos was also playing music to prove a point about symmetric functions, and the point of the fourth prelude is that one of the things he was proving is that this music is not boring. It is not boring in the way that the music for "the Rotational Symmetry" part was, and it is actually a way less annoying than "the Rotational Symmetry" prelude.

I have mentioned that the prelude consists of a sort of "introduction" (in the sense that it "introduces" the music that will soon follow), and in fact we have two

[julemmaes]

Can you write more of the Nessian modern au where they have 5 kids plz?

Prompt ideas:

They go camping

Ezra goes on his first date

One of the kids (probably like Cal or Celia) feels like their parents done love them as much as they love the others / that they don’t get as much attention as they others

Obv u don’t need to use any of these prompts if u don’t want to, these are just some ideas

I loved your fic !!!

I Love You

Set in this universe, Nessian fourth child feels like she’s isn’t given the same amount of love her parents are showing her siblings and after a particularly bad day goes by, she bursts.

A/N: The ages: Ezra (23), Cal (19), Nora (14), Celia (12) and Andra (10). Nate is (18) and Iria (Emerie and Azriel’s firstborn) is (13).

It was hard to write this one, cause if one of my children came to me like this, telling me what Celia is going to say, I would probably kill myself you know. Hate these situations:(

Also, I’m definitely gonna write the other two too, cause they’re interesting and I think you all want to read about Ezra’s first date. So don’t worry, we’ll see them camping and struggling with love some more!

Enjoy!

Word count: 4,370

"Cal, can you help me with my homework?" asked Celia as she entered the boys room.

Her brother didn't even spare her a glance, waving a hand in mid-air, "I can't right now Cece, I'm playing with Nate and I can't pause, sorry." then burst out laughing at something his cousin had said to him through his earbuds. He cast her a quick glance over his shoulder, "Maybe when I finish."

The girl huffed, muttering a don't worry and closed the door behind her. She walked down the hallway, towards her room and Nora's. She didn't bother knocking, but froze in the doorway, staring at her sister with hopeful eyes. She knew she wouldn't find help there either when she heard her say Iria's name into the phone's microphone.

She could feel that she might be about to let out a scream of frustration.

She was about to leave the room when Nora noticed her, "Iria wait a second," she put a hand on the phone, smiling at Celia, "Do you want anything? I can leave the room if you need to study in silence," she offered her.

Celia shook her head, "I can't do this geometry problem." she said furrowing her brow as she looked at the strange figure on the sheet her math teacher had assigned her. She looked up at Nora and she had a bored look on her face. Celia had confirmation of what she had thought as soon as she walked in. Before her sister could find an excuse to escape that task, she smiled and said, "Don't worry, I'll do it myself."

Nora didn't even try to retort and resumed talking to her cousin, yelling at Celia to close the door when she left.

"Yeah, I'll close the door for you," she muttered to herself.

She didn't want to go to her mom and ask for help with her homework because she knew it would end with one of them yelling, but she had no other choice. Huffing for the millionth time, she headed downstairs, mentally ready to face an intense math session with her mom.

When she entered the kitchen, Nesta was leaning on her chair with her knees and half lying on the table, holding a yellow pencil and coloring one of the suns on Andra's exercise book.

Her sister was the first to see her, "Hi." she said in a flat tone.

Celia snickered, thinking "we're in the same boat sis". Doing homework with mom had always been tiring, whether it was math to solve or simple drawings to color, Nesta had the ability to squeeze their little brains to their last nerve.

Cassian had always told them that one day they would thank her, but Celia hadn't reached that moment yet. She was sure Ezra, who was finishing college, hadn't thanked her yet either for making him maintain that level of consistency in his studies.

"Mom," she called hesitantly, "could you help me with this problem?"

Andra glared at her, frowning, "She's helping me."

Celia knew she didn't mean it in a bad way, she knew she was probably just as tired as she was at that moment. After all, it was seven o'clock on a Sunday night for everyone, and if Andra had found herself finishing studying so late too, it was because she too had been given too much homework. She ignored her, waiting for Nesta to speak.

When he didn't answer her, Celia pushed with more annoyance in her voice, "Mom."

Nesta's head snapped toward her, and even this time, Celia knew the answer would be no. The weariness clear in her features. Nesta closed her eyes, scratching a temple with the tip of her pencil, "Can't you ask one of your siblings?"

"Nora and Cal are busy," she let her know, "I don't know where Ezra is."

Andra pointed her to the back door, "He's out with Dad, they're working in the gazebo."

Celia nodded, "Thank you." Nesta gave her a tired smile and then went back to coloring in the sun.

She clutched the book and notebook to her chest as she pushed the door open and the cold outside made her shiver. She could hear the hoarse laughter and low voices of her dad and brother, but she couldn't see them anywhere.

She stepped barefoot into the grass and wiggled her fingers through the blades of grass and then there was silence and Celia was suddenly afraid. If she turned around she could see Nesta and Andra at the table, but in front of her there was only darkness and silence, until a loud bang came from the gazebo and then she heard Cassian cursing, before Ezra burst out laughing.

She grinned, tiptoeing towards the two men.

As soon as she moved the curtain that was the door to the gazebo, a dart flew past her head and she jumped back, eyes wide. She felt her heart in her throat.

"Celia!" had shouted Ezra, sprinting toward her. His eyes, too, were full of fear and he had grabbed her by the arms. Cassian immediately behind him stroked her hair, checking to make sure he hadn't poked her in the face. They both let go a breath of relief when they saw that she was okay.

"Cutie you have to be careful when you come in here, you know that," her dad told her with a carefree smile on his face, "If I caught you, mommy would skin me alive."

All three cackled, Ezra pulling himself up and removing the darts from the board.

"Did you need anything?" asked Cassian.

Celia nodded, remembering the real reason she had gone there, "I can't do this problem-" she started to open the notebook, but Ezra interrupted her.

"Dad and I are just finishing up fixing this actually," he told her with a apologetic grimace, "Could you wait a half hour?"

Celia looked at Cassian hopefully, but her dad was already back handling tools and nails.

She turned to her brother, "But you were playing darts." she said impassively.

Ezra shrugged, "We were just taking a few minutes off, we've been working for hours." then turned to Dad, "Where's the wire?"

Cassian pointed to a spot on the other side of the gazebo and Celia took that gesture as her cue to leave them alone again.

"Nevermind." she whispered, closing the notebook and leaving the gazebo.

She eyed the table at which they ate breakfast every summer morning, thinking that if she started studying there maybe she would die of hypothermia and finally someone would deign to help her. Laughing at how extra she could be at times, she walked back into the house, passing her mom and Andra in silence and heading back to Cal's room. She was going to wait for him to finish the game and then force him to solve the problem for her.

She threw open the door and Cal let out a shriek, startling her.

"God, Cece you scared the shit out of me." he breathed, bringing a hand to his chest, finishing pulling on his pants.

Celia furrowed her brow, "Weren't you playing with Nate?"

Cal nodded absentmindedly, looking around, "See my wallet?"

She pointed it out to him. "Where are you going? You said you'd help me," she said in a whiny tone.

"I said maybe," he smiled slyly at her, "and Raina called me and I'm spending the night at her place." with that he turned and opened the drawer, pulling out two aluminum foil envelopes. As soon as Celia realized what they were, she brought her hands to her eyes.

"Gee," she sighed, then turned around shaking her head, "I didn't need to see that."

Without looking at him, she raised a hand, smiling tightly at the empty space in front of her, "See you tomorrow, have fun."

Cal chuckled as he walked past her and darted down the stairs, "Sure will. See you tomorrow."

Celia shook her head again and then again, trying to erase the image of- she walked back down the hall, opening up the door to her room.

Nora in a completely different position was still talking on the phone and when she saw her she rolled her eyes, telling Iria to wait yet again. She turned on her stomach, raising an eyebrow, "What is it?"

Why is everyone so grumpy today?

Celia was fed up with that attitude and raised her arms to the sky, "Nothing, whatever."

Then they stared at each other for a few seconds and Nora nodded her chin, "Could you please go out? I'm talking to Iria on the phone and-"

"This is my room, too," Celia retorted, pointing out the obvious.

Nora huffed, leaning her head back, "Yes and I'm asking if I can please talk to our cousin in private."

Celia was getting even more nervous. "If you would help me with this problem I could go mind my own business in the living room and I wouldn't have to bother you every five minutes anymore."

Nora stood up, grabbing her by the arm and pushing her out of the room, "I'll help you when I'm done talking on the phone."

Celia didn't even have time to realize that her sister had literally just thrown her out of the room that the door behind her had already been closed. She wanted to go back in and throw herself at Nora and work it out the way they used to work it out when they were kids, when they could still hit each other if they fought - not that their parents ever let them go beyond the first slap or hair pull.  

She walked into the bathroom in the middle of their rooms to see where Cassian and Ezra stood, but from the second floor it was impossible to see inside the gazebo.

She went to Andra's room so she wouldn't risk running into condom wrappers and having to breathe the testosterone-smelling air of her brothers' room and sat down on the bed. She opened the notebook on her lap, rereading the problem statement aloud.

"A rectangular parallelepiped has basic dimensions that measure-" then she stopped.

It was pointless. She couldn't figure out what formulas to apply to calculate what was asked of her in the fourth question. Rereading the text wasn't going to help.

She brought her hands to her hair.

Why is this so hard?

She heard Nora laughing down the hall and felt anger sizzle under her skin.

Ever since she'd gotten the phone for her fourteenth birthday, there hadn't been a night that was one in which she hadn't called Iria. And it had only been a few months since she'd started high school, but Celia didn't understand how those two things had managed to change her sister like that.

She knew Nora still cared about her, but it was getting harder and harder to spend time with her, and Cal was always out with Raina and the twins and it was possible that she didn't see him for days at a time. Although that last part had become an occurrence in recent years.

Nesta had explained to her that it was normal, that they were just growing up and there was nothing to worry about, that they'd get closer once she got older too, but it had hurt Celia to lose Cal in many ways and now she was just scared that the same thing would happen with Nora.

She had nothing against spending her free time with Andra, but she was still little and still liked to play with dolls and Celia would rather hang herself than pretend to be a Doctor Peluche one more time.

She chuckled again this time, imagining herself announcing her death to her parents after her little sister asked her to play.

Then she heard Andra scream with happiness and run up the stairs. She was just in time to get out of the bed and out of the room that her sister was at the top of the stairs.

"I finished my homework!" she yelled, balling up her fists in the air.

Celia smiled at her, "Great."

Then Andra sagged, "Now I'm going to go take a victory nap."

"You've earned it." she walked past her as she yawned and headed down the stairs two steps at a time.

"Mom!" she called skipping the last three, "Can you help me now?"

Nesta made a frustrated sound, turning to her with a bag of frozen green beans in her hand.

"I just finished with Andra, is there any way we could think about this after dinner?"

Celia was about to start crying, but nodded anyway. She went into the living room when her mom resumed cooking, turning on the TV and putting on a channel where they showed how food is made.

When her dad and Ezra came back into the house they were so dirty that Nesta sent them straight to get washed up with the threat of not letting them sit down if they didn't smell flowery and clean.

Celia would have gone along with her mom, adding a sassy retort to make it even more dramatic, but at that moment she couldn't speak.

Cassian had passed behind the couch to go to the bathroom and shower, ruffling her hair and leaving a kiss on her head.

Even there, Celia didn't respond or say any "I love you too" back.

She didn't realize until a few minutes later that she wasn't really watching the show, and when she felt she was about to start crying - from too much accumulated stress and frustration throughout the day - she decided she needed to find a place where she could blow off steam.

Her room was apparently off-limits, Andra's was occupied and she couldn't hide in either her parents' or her brothers' room because both Ezra and her dad would go there to get dressed after their showers.

This only added to all the bad things of the day and on top of all the crap, she knew her mom was going to go to sleep right after dinner. When Nesta was this tired there was no way she was going to be able to stay up a minute longer and even if she could convince her it would just be hell.

Doing math with a calm and rested Nesta was already a nightmare on its own, she didn't want to think about what it would be like to do it with a cranky and tired Nesta.

She silently opened the door that led into the tavern, where the brothers normally spent their Saturday nights with their cousins and friends. The girls still weren't allowed to go down there when everyone was there, and Celia was looking forward to high school so she would get a free pass to attend their nights.

That is, if they would accept her.

She closed the door carefully behind her and ran down the stairs, turning on the light first.

She threw herself on the couch and then hugged her legs, sobbing once. And then again and again until a liberating cry was wracking her body.

She didn't know if it was just the math assignment she couldn't do or if it bothered her to see how much everyone didn't need her at that moment. Andra had mom and Ezra had dad and Nora and Cal had their respective friends and Celia… she felt so lonely right then.

She sobbed particularly loudly and clamped her mouth shut with her hand when she heard her father's footsteps pass by the tavern door. She didn't want him to hear her, it would worry him for nothing.

Yes, it was just because she couldn't get a stupid math problem right. She was overreacting.

She didn't need her parents. Or her brothers.

Or her sister for that matter.

She was sure all of her classmates were getting the exercise done.

She loosened her arms from around her legs and lay down on the couch, closing her eyes and clutching one of the pillows to her chest. It had a vague earthy smell to it, but it smelled like Cal too, and it angered the girl even more as she grabbed a corner of the pillow and threw it across the room, yelling not too loudly.

She didn't know how long she'd been down there, but when Nesta called the family to let them know dinner was ready, Celia sprang to her feet. She pulled the sleeves of her shirt over her hands and ran them over her face to remove the residue of the crying in frantic movements.

She took three deep breaths and then walked slowly up the stair

s. She opened the door just as Ezra walked into the living room and their eyes met.

She immediately lowered her head, so he wouldn't see her face, but her brother put a hand on her shoulder, "Lia..." the silent request to look at him clear as day.

"What?" she replied too surly. She cursed in her head when she noticed her brother stiffen. It was as if she could see his surprised expression.

So much for playing dumb.

"Are you okay?" he asked, then squeezed her shoulder, "Why were you downstairs?"

She moved to escape his grasp, then ran a hand over her face, huffing, "I was looking for something." she replied evasively, trying to make her way to the kitchen. Ezra grabbed her wrist, spinning her around, at which point Celia was forced to look at him.

Ezra had a conflicted expression, somewhere between angry and worried, "What happened? Why are you crying?" he asked, in a tone that didn't allow for a non-answer.

Celia remained silent, her brows knitted in a frown as she tried to swallow the knot that was forming in her throat.

Perhaps he had spoken too loudly, because Cassian's figure appeared in the kitchen doorway, "Who's crying?"

Celia looked towards her dad and it only took a second of seeing him for the crying to return, only harder.

Cassian's face turned completely as he moved Ezra from in front of his daughter and hugged her, lifting her off the ground. Celia wrapped her arms around her father's neck, hiding her face between the crook of his neck and his shoulder, and only sobbed louder as Cassian's hand began massaging her back in circular motions.

She didn't care if she would be thirteen in a few weeks. She didn't care that her father was rocking her like he used to when she was little, she just wanted him to hold her close.

She wrapped her legs around her dad's waist and heard Cassian take a shaky breath, "Ezra why don't you go ahead? We'll be right there."

Celia didn't see or hear her brother's response, but she was grateful to her dad when he moved to the couch, settling down and bringing her to him. She pressed herself tighter against him.

"Lia, what happened?" he whispered in her ear. This only made her sob more loudly, "Ssh, cutie," he murmured as the little girl's breathing became more erratic, "It's okay."

"Celia." her mom's voice made her sit up and Nesta was there, who with only a few steps was behind the couch. She'd seen Andra and Nora's heads pop up from the kitchen as well, but Ezra had called them back and they were gone immediately.

Nesta took a seat next to Cassian, her arms outstretched toward her daughter, but her gaze fixed on her husband's. Celia launched herself at her mother, but kept an arm around her father's neck and Cassian took her hand, squeezing it in his.

The child's tears had soaked his pajama shirt and Nesta's chest tightened. She brushed Celia's hair until she had a clear view of her daughter's face, "What's wrong?"

"I have-" she sobbed, "I had to solve a problem and I couldn't and no one-" every breath she tried to take was broken by a sob. She sniffled, "And then Nora kicked me out of the room and Cal- Cal didn't want to help me and he left and you were-" she ran the hand that wasn't clasped in Cassian's over her face, "You were helping Andra." then she turned to her dad and started crying again, "And then you and Ezra sent me away."

Nesta felt tremendous guilt and was about to apologize to her, for ignoring her, but then Celia said something that completely broke her heart.

"You don't love me like you do the others," she sobbed into her mom's chest.

"Oh, Lia." murmured Cassian, in a hurt tone. He slipped a hand between Nesta and his daughter's stomach and pulled her away from her mother, forcing the woman's arms off Celia.

Cassian sat her back down on his lap and looked into her eyes, leaning down just enough to be at the same height as her. His brow was furrowed and she could see how upset those few words had made him.

"That's absolutely not true." he whispered in a firm tone, watching the redness of his little girl's face, the tears that continued to fall undisturbed.

Nesta stroked her hair, "Your father is right." she added.

"You are all on exactly the same level. There's no such thing as loving one child more than the other," he repeated, "It's not possible."

Celia took more shaky breaths, struggling to speak, "Cal and Nora hate me now."

Nesta felt bad for her little girl. She didn't dare imagine how long she had kept those doubts to herself, couldn't imagine how she could think those things. How she had let one of her children feel that way without even noticing.

"Cal could never hate you and you know it. He loves you too much. Exactly like me and Mom and Nora too, even though it might not seem like it." said Cassian. Then he ran a thumb under her eyes, wiping her cheeks. "I'm sorry if we made you feel left out today, that wasn't our intention, okay?"

Celia nodded, but resumed crying.

"We're a family, we all love each other so much, but we're also numerous," Nesta tried to explain, "It may happen sometimes that no one is available to help you at that moment, but that doesn't mean they don't love you or care about you less than the day before."

Cassian squeezed her hips, "Why didn't you tell us this before?" he asked her, later clarifying, "That you were feeling this way."

Celia shrugged, resting her hands on her daddy's chest, just as she did when she was little.

"I don't want it to get to a point where you can't hold back anymore and you have to hide to cry, okay?" said Cassian to her. Nesta looked at him and saw that his eyes were glazed over. She placed a hand on his leg, but the man's attention didn't shift from his daughter's face. "If you feel that Mama and I and anyone in this house are misbehaving with you, you come tell us and we'll talk about it, without the need to yell at each other and fight." he gave her a hesitant smile. Then he wrapped her up and pulled her against him, kissing her temple, "Please don't think I love you any less just because I'm a stupid, clueless big man who can't manage his time optimally, okay?"

Celia nodded against his neck, starting to play with the end of his hair strands.

"And I'm sorry if I made you think that for even a second," he closed his eyes as he whispered those words to her.

"I love you dad." said Celia in a muffled voice.

Cassian held her tighter to his chest, "I love you cutie."

Nesta cleared her throat, laying a hand on her daughter's back, "I'm sorry if I didn't pay enough attention to you today too and if I sent you out of the kitchen," she murmured, urging her to look at her. Celia broke away from Cassian, getting off his lap and launching herself at her mother, who caught her and stifled a laugh at the sudden weight.

God, she was growing up so fast, too.

"I love you, Lia." she whispered to her, "Don't ever doubt that, please."

"I love you mom."

They stayed rocking their baby girl for a few more minutes, then Cassian made a joke about the food that was getting cold in their plates, and all three of them got up from the couch and walked into a particularly quiet kitchen.

Nesta took a seat next to Andra and kissed her forehead as she took a green bean from the serving plate with her small hand.

Cassian glanced at all his children present and blew out a cough, "Maybe we should talk about eavesdropping as well."

Ezra turned to Celia, who was wiping her face with her napkin despite the fact that it was already dry, "Sorry for making you feel that way." he smiled at her, "I love you."

Celia nodded, focusing on her food.

"I want to apologize too," Nora said more softly, playing with the edge of the tablecloth. "I shouldn't have kicked you out of the room like that, and if you want to later I'll help you with the problem."

Her sister looked at her and opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again, "I would love to."

"Sorry." said Andra, with a rather cute frown on her face. She probably didn't quite understand what had happened, but Celia appreciated either way. Even as she gave her the widest smile as she said, "I love you."

Celia looked at everyone at the table, swallowing noisily, "I love you."

She would talk to Cal another time.

They ate between jokes and pranks and after dinner they all jumped on their parents' bed, cuddling until they all fell asleep there. Cassian and Nesta were forced to give up their room for the night, taking refuge in the guest room instead, but not before showing their children how much infinite love they felt for each of them.

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[hiddenlife-manager]

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓴 𝓶𝓮, 𝓟𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮!

Prompt: Y/n fell in love in with the one and only Rintaro Suna the middle blocker at her High School the problem was is that she lived in the Shadow of everyone else. Yet she was the main shadow of her best friend who as well gained a crush on the Middle Blocker. 

IMPORTANT: HIYA, I want to address this here. For Aran Ojiro there is this line that said he is 'darker than average ' totally did not mean to come out like that and I changed it by removing it because the entire line was a bit insulting because it seriously comes out wrong. I addressed it on a post and should say this is not edited and if something else comes out wrong please tell me I want to make a safe space. I myself am Dominican and I consider myself a black Hispanic so I don't want any wrong sayings to offend any one. Love to all!!

Extra: Female pronouns. I want to add that it was my first ever tumblr fanfic that I wrote on tumblr. I wanted to rush so the end isn't what I planned. At the end you'll be getting the song that I listened the most when writing this. Hope you liked it. As well as there isn't much romance but angst for the character so uh sorry I might do head cannon's for Inarizaki.

" You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you. " - Mr. Darcy

“ Y/n! " A loud voice could be heard from behind. Raising my head up I turn to look behind me to see the one and only girl. " Y/n-chan! " The loud voice echoed through the area. A sudden shush could be heard towards us. The both of us turn our head to the shush to see the librarian looking at us both. " Sorry Mrs. Ayako! " The bubbly voice yelled out bowing her head. Yet with her yelling she was shushed once again. " Sorry again Mrs. Ayako. " She whispers. The librarian hums and turns her head. She quickly grabs a chair and sits down next to me. " Hello Y/n-chan. What book are you reading? " She whispers.

" Hello, Maeko. I am reading the English book called Little Women. " I answered her as she looks over my shoulder to see what page I was on.

" Why are you so good at reading in English I have a 53% in English literature. " She complains as she quickly leans back in her seat. " Anyway I have a really exciting story to tell you so uh where do I start? " She mutters as she taps her chin. She hums as she grabs my book out of my hands shutting it as she pushes it across the very table were sitting at. " I want all of your attention. Please! We are friends. " She begs giving me a pouting face.

" All right. Go ahead and tell me what happened to make the story so exciting. " I spoke out turning my chair to face her. She smiles.

" I was in Geometry and I saw him. " I tilt my head wanting her to specify who him is. " Well you know, Picture. " I nod knowing what the word Picture meant. " I was working on the Pythagorean theorem because teach wanted us to review it. " I raise a hand up after taking in the first words she said to start the story.

" Wait back track a but you were in Geometry isn't that your third class. He should have been in your class from the beginning of the day. Did you not notice him at all? " I asked as she shakes her head rapidly.

" Well uh he skipped our first two class and entered in Geometry. " She responded while I him nodding my head. " Well anyway there I was working on the review when he walked in. He was on his phone doing something the moment he entered he stood at the door as the teacher looked at him annoyed he puts his phone in his pocket and says ' Sorry Professor I woke up late so I'll be heading to my- ' He pauses as he saw that his seat was taken by the school bully. I could see it all because I have the window seat in the far back. So he walked up to the school bully and the bully told him ' Aw am I in your seat Volleyball boy well you got to fight me for it. ' Can you believe it him fighting such a loser. Anyway Picture rolled his eyes and can you guess what happened next? " She asked as blush started to go up to her cheeks.

" Huh I have no clue I mean you know him more than me I only go to the practice matches for you nothing more. " I answered. She nods and opens her mouth to sigh. She raises her hand up placing the back of her hand on her forehead.

" He walks over to the empty seat in front of me. IN FRONT OF ME! " She screams the last part and the librarian looks at the both of us shushing us. I mutter a sorry and faced her to see that her face was completely red. " I just can't believe it. I forgot to mention when he rolled his eyes it was so hot that I practically almost passed out. But what made closer to blacking out was him pulling a chair from the desk right in front of me. He places his bag on his chair and sits down. The professor walks up to him and tells him what page we were working on before he interrupted the class. Like how rude is our Professor he hums and gets to work. " She shines me a smile that lit up the dark library.

" I guess this was an exciting story worth my time. Well Maeko I enjoy our time together but I have to head home early. " I said getting up from my chair as I grabbed the bag hanging on the chair and placed it on the table. A little half a heart charm shone seeing the red heart brightly look at me.

" Aw I would walk with you if it wasn't for the fact that I have soccer practice. " She pouts and gets up from her seat.

" Oh it's fine I can handle the walk home. You probably should head to soccer practice now. Be an early bird. " She hums and grabs her bag she reaches the book she slid and slid it back to me I got it placing it in my bag.

" Y/n I was wondering if you could let me copy your English Literature notes. I know you are taking college classes but I bet you have good notes to help me for my next test. " She compliments me as she leans towards me her long brown hair falling in front of her eyes covering her beautiful hazel eyes that shines in the sun.

" Uh yeah here. " I dug my hand into the bag my eyes looked inside. My hands pushed notebooks aside while I looked for my English Literature notes, once my eyes caught the dull navy blue notebook I pulled it out. I looked at the words in the front to see English Literature. " I need this back by tomorrow morning so keep it safe. " I specified for her to understand.

" It's like you don't trust me I'll keep it safe no matter what I promise. You are such a great Friend. " I nod smiling back to her bright self. " Well I'm heading out thanks again. " I him as she swings her bag over her shoulder while she jogs gently out of the Library, the moment my eyes couldn't see her with a low sigh I swing my bag over my shoulder pushing in the two chairs in. I start to head towards the librarian. Pulling my phone out of my pocket I start to look for my music app, lowering my phone down to face the one person who seemed to understand me I smile towards the old lady. " Bye Mrs. Ayako sorry about Maeko being a bit loud. " I spoke out while I leaned on her check out desk.

" Oh it's nothing just tell her to be a bit more quieter next time. " She calmly said while she picked up a pen and started to write on a piece of paper. I wave as I turn around raising my phone up. " Y/n wait. " I turn around to see her turning around as she heads to her private office. I walked towards her desk once more looking through the glass of her office I could see she was shuffling around in her office. " Here it is! " She yelled out walking back to the desk walking back she held a large packet of paper and slid it on the table. " I did promise to edit your story. I don't read scripts at all unless I edit it but this script idea is quite amazing. The love story between them made me tear up a bit maybe one day you will be able to direct a movie or show for once. Their romance made me feel young again. Besides that I know I said I will try to get it done when I am free I got it down in three days. Whatever inspired you to write such a story, a script continue following it. " I smile bowing.

" Thank you so much. I will read your notes and things you want me to do and change and will bring you back the final product of it. " I grabbed the packet placing it in my bag and bowing once more. She waves me a good bye as I head out of the library. Walking out I reached in to my bags front pockets grabbing a pair of earbuds so I could listen to music. I headed towards my cubby that held my outside shoes. While walking I thought of the plot of my script.

" A girl who lives in the shadow unknown by everyone else except for her best friend who grew up with her. Together they were considered the Yin Yang. The main girl Yin the darkness. Her best friend Yang the heavens. Though the Yang is mainly thought of as manly. The two helped each other the more they grew up her best friend or should I say Yang gained looks, money, more friends, and known by all while the main girl or Yin got deeper into the shadows the shadows of being forgotten. Though Yang was well known Yang never forgot who her real best friend was, Yin. Yet they never seemed to drift apart ever even if they both were put in different situation. Until Yin one day saw a boy a boy who grabbed her attention because for once he wasn't like all the others who cares about Yang, he cared about himself at most. Wanting to announce her findings to her best friend she rushed Yang to announce it but for her luck Yang was looking for her too. "

I paused as I made it to my cubby quickly unlocking it with my key I looked inside to see my skateboard and my shoes slipping my school shoes off I quickly placed them inside pulling my outside shoes out of the cubby. I slip them on and fix the back of the shoes once they were firmly on I reached out for my skateboard holding it in my arms. I start heading towards the volleyball gym as it is my way to head home behind the gym is a trail and the trail is the only way to enter the forest where our neighborhood lays. While heading the gym I go back to the script wanting to finish the simple recap.

" The Yin of the friendship ran to the Yang of the friendship. The moment Yang saw Yin she yelled our wanting to tell Yin her big news. Once the both stood in front of each other Yang announced first that she had something huge. With Yang's announcement Yin put aside her's for her friend. Yin will forever think about the moment. Yang announced that she had a crush bringing Yin's interest even more Yin thought that if they both had a crush the both of them could work hard to ask them out but when Yin asked who her answer shocked Yin. Yang announced that she gained a crush on the boy who Yin saw. Yin smiled brightly towards her best friend but inside Yin's heart cracked yet stayed together with just band aids. Yin knew what she had to do, to give up on the one thing that made her feel different. Yang meant so much for her that Yin knew what she had to do. "

I glance up to see the gym I quickly wanted to walk past it as Picture was there. But inside I wanted to see if they all were doing anything really interesting. I looked at the time on my phone to see that I had spare time to at least check if they were doing anything. They wouldn't notice me at all because well I live in the shadows behind Maeko. With a deep breath in I quickly jog towards the gym door. With a quick skip over the outside shoes I slid towards the door peaking my head out to see what is happening in the gym.

As my eyes examined the area I saw what they were doing. The team seemed to be setting up the net. The most popular one in the team Atsumu was holding onto one end of the one volleyball pole, on the other end was his twin the second most popular one Osamu they both were twins and we'll I always thought that maybe Maeko would have a crush on one of them because they seemed to be in the same level of popularity as the both but you can never judge a book by its cover. I never talked to the twins even if they were the same year as me. Osamu is in my class but we never held a conversation. Atsumu and I have not once been put in a situation to talk to each other.

With a shake of my head I glance towards Ojiro many found him quite interesting as a player. Ojiro-san was running across the gym back and forth with a broom to sweep up whatever was left by classes throughout the day. Ojiro-san a third year he tends to not want to stick out do he disappears through the day. Free time which isn't so common he disappears to be only found when classes begin. Only once did I ever accidently talk to him I was heading home when he was taking a jog down the trail. Long story short I was riding my skateboard and a rock was in front I flung forward while my board was flung behind me hitting Ojiro who was running behind me. I apologized but I have a feeling he still hates me for it.

With glance around once more I saw Kita-san handing water bottles out to the entire team. Kita a year above me seemed to interest me in a way but not in a crush way more of a mentor. I barely knew anything about him except for the fact that we both tend to volunteer to water the flowers in our school garden. Kita barely ever talks and if he does it is only to pass things between us. He cares about flowers and is the reason why I have my own garden in front of my window. But there was nothing between us the only thing that seemed important was that we both volunteer when lunch comes to water the garden.

With another glance I noticed some weren't there at all. Including Picture who I thought would be there. But with his habit of being a bit late to events I guess you couldn't ever blame him. After all he was such a good Middle blocker he makes up for being a bit unenergized to do anything. He wasn't anywhere in the gym and even the Libero was a bit late. I sigh feeling like I wasted my time being here if Picture wasn't here. Inside maybe I wanted him to be there so I could see him play without having to act as if I wasn't interested around Maeko. So I could admire and take in the unique sport. Sure on the outside it seemed as if I didn't want him there but in reality I wanted him there.

" If you are here to confess to Atsumu just leave he'll reject you. " I jump screaming out loud in fear as I walk back after my feet hit the ground. I recognized the voice the voice of Picture, I turn around to see him standing there with his hands in his pocket he looked so uninterested. Someone runs up from behind him noticing that it was the Libero of the team.

" Woah aren't you Maeko's friend. Uh what's your name uh Mina, Mana, Mio, Mini Misaki something with a M. Or is it something else? Whatever but you are one of her friends right? " He asked and I stood there blinking as I took in what he said. Maeko's Friend.

" Y/n's my name. " I muttered noticing that I got quiet.

" Can I just call you Maeko's friend it is just so much easier? " The Libero asked. I shrug use to the nickname Maeko's Friend it was something that I grew up.

" Is it the Maeko in my class right? " Suna asked the Libero nods and he hums. " She is good looking I guess. Pretty smart as well if I remember correctly I sat in front of her in class today. " Suna spoke out. The Libero looks at Suna and gasps.

" Cool wish I was you! " He spoke out turning to look at me " Maeko's friend on a scale of 1 to 10 how close are you to her? " He asked. We are best friends but no one knows it because they think Kikyo is her best friend because they hang out a whole bunch in public.

" A 9 we are best friends. " I mutter the Libero laughs out loud and places a hand on my shoulder.

" You are so funny it is obvious anyone who take a 9 and 10 is Kikyo. I mean Maeko and Kikyo are both popular they are obviously closer. We would have known you if you were her best friend. Suna do you recognize this girl? " He asks.

" Not at all. What hear are you in even? " He asked and I froze he didn't even know the year I am in the same year he is in. I- I- I- sat next to him in the beginning of the year in the auditorium. Maeko sat next to me. " Now that I think about it Maeko was sitting next to me in the beginning of the year in the auditorium. " My heart that was held with Band-Aids felt as if it had a part crash on the ground. He sat directly next to me and he didn't even noticed me but the bright Maeko next to me the one a seat away he noticed her.

" You are so lucky she is in your year and class I'm a third year she'll probably only go for guys I'm her year. Anyway Maeko's friend you can believe what you want we won't stop you. But Suna's is right if you are here to ask Atsumu you will be rejected and placed on the wall of rejection. Suna takes photos of the girls who are rejected by Atsumu. " I shake my head and grip my skateboard.

" I just came to see if I left anything in Gym nothing more nothing less. " I turn around and jog away wanting to leave that whole situation. The last words yelled towards me made me want to cry bringing reality to me.

" HEY MAEKO'S FRIEND! " I ran away seeing the trail I quickly turned and dropped my skateboard onto the ground as I hopped onto it riding it down the trail while my thoughts swirled. I kept mumbling the same two words over and over.

" Maeko's Friend

Maeko's Friend

Maeko's Friend

Maeko's Friend

Maeko's Friend! "

" I'm only Maeko's Friend. I am nothing more all I am is in her shadow. Because that is the best I can do Maeko has perfect grades and all I have is 100% in all of my classes while Maeko succeeds with almost 109% in all of her classes except for English Literature. She helps teachers so much she gets extra credit. " I could feel tears going down my cheek as I stood on my board that moved down the trail.

" If I was Maeko maybe Suna would accept my confession. " I muttered. I shake my head knowing I could never be her because I am me. I am a shadow I am Maeko's shadow. " Nothing more. I could be less at least I am a shadow. " I muttered wiping the tears off of my cheek as I kick off the ground to be pushed more forward and a bit faster. Maeko is an amazing person I have nothing against her we are best friends. Right? " Are we really. "

" We are friends. "

" You are such a great Friend. " I muttered remembering her saying that. Not once did I ever hear her call me best friend since the beginning of High School. I'll just ask her tonight.

I take a deep breath in as I place my earbuds in while I stood on my skateboard. All I wanted to escape this world in some way if music was the safest it was the only way to distract myself from the world and what Rintaro said about me back there. As the jazz music started to play I let my body relay a bit placing my phone in my bags pocket I stared forward occasionally pushing the ground to move forward faster. The trail even if it now isn’t a trail and is a sidewalk next to a road was smooth letting me not worry about tripping on any stones like last year that caused that whole Ojiro incident. 

I bopped my head back and forth enjoying the music played through my earbuds. It was calm nothing so electric like Maeko’s pop music she listens to. The wind blew on my face I felt it feeling refreshing the wind made me feel free for once. I felt as if I was flying away from my problems. In school I felt as if I was a shadow I am a shadow but when writing scripts to movies or shows I want to direct helps me move on. 

After a bit of skating I was able to make it home the moment I saw my home I quickly hit the back of skateboard as I flew up I grabbed my board in my arms. I head to my house by foot. Noticing my mother’s car I knew that she finished work early. Walking up to the door I lean over taking my shoes off of my feet. I quickly opened the door walking in as the smell of sweets hit you right in the face. Placing my shoes on our little rack for shoes I walk into the living room to see my dog laying on the couch. I walk over to her petting her head lightly as I head over to the kitchen to see my mother in her apron as she starts to take cake layers out of the oven. Hearing me placing my board on the side she turned. 

" Ah you are home I thought you were kidnapped I was hoping for the kidnapping. " I chuckle lightly knowing that I couldn’t tell my mom about Maeko. Sure she knew about the situation with her crush being my crush but me overthinking our relationship would concern her. Pulling my earbuds out as I pause my music and placing the very phone in a pocket with the earbuds I lightly said.

" Maybe I should get kidnapped so I won’t have to help B/n with his homework. Anyway I am just cleaning my hands so I can work on editing the script. " I explained wanting to quickly get into my room and work. She hums and lets me pass to the sink. I clean my hand in the sink. 

" So your teacher finished editing amazing if you want you can always use the home computer and printer to print a new script. After all your father did get it from America so we want to use it as much as we can. " She spoke out and I hum. 

" I will use it after I edit it on paper but for today I won’t be using it. Got to go love. " I kiss her cheek and head out of the kitchen. Grabbing my skateboard. I rush towards my bed room. seeing my door I grab the door sliding to the side and shutting it behind me. I looked around my room to see it clean with posters of art pieces. Books laid around everywhere on my bed the only part that isn’t neat. My study table and pillow on the floor with a pencil holder in the middle of the table. Far in the corner a collection of skateboards. 

" Home sweet home for once. " I spoke out walking over to where my skateboards are placing it down in it’s place. I grab my phone from the pocket in the bag. I stop for a second seeing the charm that made me believe. Shaking my head, I walked over to my bed full of books for my enjoyment to study books. I fall back hitting a couple of books as my phone laid on my chest. 

~~~

" Hey Maeko. " I muttered as I held the phone up to my ear.

" Yeah? " She asked while I heard shuffling in her room.

" I know this is weird and all but who is your best friend? " I asked and she giggles.

" Don't be silly it's obvious who my best friend is I hang out with her all the time. " I smiled knowing she would say me. " Kikyo. " The smile dropped and for once felt it. My heart shattering into millions of pieces. " We okay soccer together, she and I go shopping. It's almost like we knew each other for years. I never felt that with anyone else. She even is planning to help me ask Rintaro out this Friday under the Sakura tree. " She spoke out.

" Wow Kikyo is amazing just like you. Makes sense why you two are best friends. " I spoke out putting a fake smile on my face even if she couldn't see it.

" Y/n don't worry sure we known each other for years but we were always more like friends than best friends. I found Kikyo who is so similar to me I can't believe it. Anyway thanks for the notes I am writing them down right at this moment. " She said and I hum. " I have to go Kikyo is calling it's about the plan on asking Rintaro to meet me at the Sakura tree. " I hum one last time not even letting it finish as she hung up. I didn't know what I felt the moment she hung up. I just sat there tears down my cheek, heart shattered completely, and no one to call.

" The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. " - F. Scout Fitzgerald

With a scratch on my door I get up wiping the tears off of my cheeks I slid the door a bot to see a furry head I sigh letting the dog into the room she quickly runs up onto my leg wanting to be picked up. I sigh picking her up and walked towards the bed laying back down on the bed as my puppy lay there next to me.

" How can you be so cute. Suna would probably accept your confession but mine he doesn’t know who I am at all the only person he does is my best I mean just friend Maeko. Here I was delusional thinking I was her best friend. Of course I should have known I am always picked last! I should change everything about me so I can just get his attention. " I spoke out as I pet my puppy who had an American name. " Marley can you explain why I am never the first choice? " I asked as she yawns. 

" Maeko never cared about you and just used you so just tell her you want to end the friendship.  " I jump hearing a voice. I look down at my puppy to see if it was her who spoke but the door slid open to see my mother who held dumplings in her hand. " Sorry I was listening in it’s just I don’t like how you are so passive. I want to help. " I sigh as she places a plate down on my study table. Walking over to my bed she sits down and Marley ends up running to my mother's licking her hand and going back to me.

" Mom how much did you hear? " I asked. She sighed getting up and walking towards the dumplings she set down. She picks them up turning around to face me. Gently she gives them to me. I held them and looked at her as she sat back down grabbing the puppy so that the puppy wouldn't eat my food.

" Eat up. " I sigh grabbing the chopsticks on the plate. " How do I explain this. Do you remember the last time Maeko's mother and I were in the same room? " She asked and I shrug not remembering the last time. " Well it has been a year we got in an argument when Maeko's mother said that you were nothing compared to Maeko's. As your mother I didn't take it lightly so I gave her a cake full of vegetables for revenge. After that argument I guess I'm the background I noticed how Maeko and you weren't as close the both of you were. I assumed it was just that the both of you were getting older and I didn't want to feel as if it was my revenge that caused it. " She muttered while I ate the dumplings.

" So you practically gave Maeko's mother a cake full of vegetables as revenge. You shouldn't have done that because she's right all I am is... Was Maeko's shadow now I'm just a shadow. " I muttered she glares at me and sighs even more.

" No you aren't sure it might have been my fault but Maeko's mother had no right to say that to the child I gave birth too. Even if it was a pain raising you. Anyway that whole situation with that boy uh Suna if I am right made me think about how I was in that situation as well. " She explained and I stuffed another dumpling in my mouth. " You know how I never mentioned how I met your sister's father. " I nod. " Well one we never got married two he was my highschool crush trust me I love your father but in High School he charmed me just by existing. I was like you I never talked ever, I did things that would let me disappear in school everything about me being quiet was the reason I had trouble getting in contact with him. But I was bullied by these two girls because of being quiet I let it happened. Until one day I snapped and decided to change how I looked and acted. " She sighs.

" You changed because you wanted to grab his attention or was it because you wanted the bullying to stop? " I asked while I chewed on part of a dumpling.

" Both I wanted it to stop make them understand I am better than them in all ways. I also wanted to show off and get his attention. How dumb of me. I grabbed his attention and we started dating. But he never really knew the real me because he wanted to go to parties. Got pregnant when I was 20 and had your daughter I left him that same year because all he cared about was being the center of attention. Long story short I knew he never really cared about the real me when your older sister was 7 I met your father got pregnant when she 9 and married your father. But the thing is is that when I met your father he recognized me for being me. The reason I'm telling you this is that if he doesn't like the real you then what is the point is he really worth your time? " She asked and I look at her as I set the chopsticks down on the plate.

" He didn't even know who I was. I sat next to him in the beginning of the year and yet he only remembered Maeko. Maeko and I aren't best friends anymore all I ever did was help her out this year and listen to her she never listened to my problems. " I muttered as I looked down at the plate feeling tears going down as everything hit me.

" In reality is he worth your time? Is she worth staying friends with? " She asked.

" We are best friends! " The bubbly voice of Maeko as I looked up to her who was building a sand castle out of the sand. " We built this together forever we will rule this land together. " She called out handing me her hand to rule together the castle.

" I can't wait to win the soccer game you will watch me right? We are best friends. " Her voice boomed across the field as I held her board that had her name across of it. I nod as she hugs me.

" Okay everyone Maeko and Akio are team captains Maeko choose first. " The teacher spoke out as Maeko walks up and looks around.

" I PICK MY BEST FRIEND Y/N ! " She yelled out and everyone looked at me. I walked up to stand next to her as she hugged me.

" We are going to Inarizaki right? " She asked out as her hair bounced while we jogged down the trail, nodding to her answer she smiles. " I can't be there without my best friend. " She said while we jumped over a log.

" Ready to enter together. " She raised her hand up as I grabbed her hand holding each other's hand. " I know you are quiet but together we will be the most popular. " I nod and she smiles. " No matter what nothing will stop us from being Best Friends? " I shake my head as she smiles. " 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! " She jogged towards the school.

" It's time to let go for the both of you. " My mother places her hand on my back rubbing my back to comfort me.

" No boy would ruin our friendship. " Maeko spoke out as we roasted marshmallows over our campfire. " Promise. " I turned to look at her and smiled. Opening my mouth I responded.

" I promise. "

" We promised so much back then. " I muttered while tears collected on the plate creating a puddle of tears. " I kept to the promise wanting a boy to never come over our friendship. I kept quiet I was always picked by her. No one ever wanted me. But for once she picked people over me. " I mumbled as I gulped and raised a hand up to my cheek.

" Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. " – Albert Einstein

Sitting there for the first time ever at the table in which Maeko and her group of friends with her best friend normally would have lunch at. I could tell people's eyes were on me because for once I revealed myself out in the public. I never sat with her at this table because I couldn't fit in like the rest. I ate with the librarian and or I didn't eat and watered the garden in the school. Whispers could be heard as I sat there looking down at the one thing that we shared when we were kids.

" Hey Y/n here is my friendship charm. I made it you can hand it up on anything on your bag or we can make it into a clip like mine. What will you do? " She asked as she handed me a charm that was half of a heart basic but I could tell she meant a lot by it. " I saved up money to buy both I hope you like it? " She looked down and I smiled.

" I love it Maeko see here it is I am clipping it on my bag. The way you put it in a clip is so creative just like you. " I complemented as she ran up to me and hugged me.

I had it hooked on all of my bags that I took to school but it was back in Year one of High School that she stopped wearing the charm. She told me it was childish and I understood but still kept it on my bag because no one would notice it. I wasn't the center of attention like she was so I understood. But maybe that was the first ever clue that we weren't best friends anymore. Or maybe it was her having to put me in a schedule and not with her other friends.

" Y/n what are you doing her at our table you never sit here? " A voice asked I raised my head to see Maeko surrounded by her other friends. I sighed standing up from the seat. " Oh wait I'm sorry I couldn't walk with you to school here is your English Literature notes they helped a lot. " She said I nod. " Is something wrong? " She asked. I take a deep breath in as I look up to her to see her holding my notes.

" I just want to say something if that is fine with you? " I asked and she looks at her friends.

" Yeah definitely make it quick please because we want to eat. " She asked and I sigh.

"Change you for once make time for me to tell you something. " I spurted out and gasp as I covered my mouth everyone's eyes were on us.

" What do you mean Y/n. I make time for you. " She said.

" Do you really? You don't you have to push me to the side now the only time we ever talk is if you want to tell me something and that is through my schedule. You have to go through your own schedule to see if we can plan something but for me when you need someone to talk to you just go up to me like I have nothing to do. " I yelled out. She looked at me shocked.

" I do make time for you. Church we talk when we go to church. " She said.

" You only go to church when you are required normally you skip out. The last time you went to church was a month ago. The most we ever talked about this entire month was about your crush. But when I have to say something you suddenly have to leave. At this point you probably only talk to me because you pity me. BUT WHEN YOU DO TALK TO ME IT IS ABOUT YOUR BOY CRUSH ON SUNA! " I screamed out in anger. " WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I EVER TOLD YOU ABOUT MY CRUSH A YEAR AGO MAYBE IT WAS TWO YEARS AGO! " I yelled out as I felt tears about to fall.

" I- I- I- LET OUR FRIENDSHIP FADE! It's my fault because your are perfect. Everything about you is perfect I was always in your shadow. I never minded it because we were Best Friends. But you picked someone over me. WE GREW UP TOGETHER! YOU GAVE ME THIS CHARM BECAUSE WE WERE BEST FRIENDS! " I held the charm up by it's clip as she stared at it. I saw how she looked down. " You knew I was always picked last so when you could you would pick me. But I'm High School that all ended the moment you gained popularity. You now were someone who would pick me last. " I spoke out as I could heard people whispering.

" YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND REMEMBER WHEN WE WALKED INTO THIS VERY SCHOOL HANDS TOGETHER PROMISING NOTHING WOULD STOP US FROM BEING BEST FRIENDS! " I yelled out as tears started to fa down my cheek. " I KEPT WITH OUR PROMISES FOR TWO YEARS. TWO YEARS!! I kept our promise of not letting a boy get over us. I kept my crush on Suna down for my best friend. I wanted to see you happy. " I mumbled wiping tears off of my cheek.

" I KEPT IT DOWN FOR YOU. I KEPT SO MUCH DOWN FOR YOU. I ACTED LIKE THE NICKNAME MAEKO'S FRIEND DIDN'T BOTHER ME BUT IT DID INSIDE IT WOULD HURT. I KEPT SO MUCH DOWN FOR YOU BECAUSE I THOUGHT WE WERE BEST FRIEND'S. FOR ONCE I WANTED TO IGNORE REALITY! I wanted to ignore reality, I wanted to ignore my crush for you, I wanted ignore so much because it would help you that was what a best friend should do. But inside the moment you said Kikyo is your Best Friend everything I ignored hit me in the face. " I said as all that I could see was nothing but blurry.

" Y- Y- Y/n " I heard her whisper.

" Maeko let me talk please. All I want to say is that I enjoyed our moments as friends. You noticed my cry for help my cry to be picked for once. "

" PICK ME, PLEASE! "

" I just wish you luck when you ask Suna out. For one last time I'll hold back for an ex friend. Give this to Kikyo your best friend. " I walked over to her and grabbed her hand placing the very charm in her hand. I shut it and looked out into the cafeteria as everyone was shock. I sigh grabbing my hair as I tried covering my face. I grabbed my bag and ran out of the cafeteria.

" When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. " -Paulo Coelho

I sighed holding my knees to my chest as I sat there behind the very gym I fell in love with Suna. I placed my head down on my knees and held my breath letting the tears fall down onto my skirt.

" Pretty brave for the quiet girl. " I heard someone say and I sigh wanting to be alone.

" Can I please be alone whoever you are. " I muttered just wanting privacy.

" I would if it wasn't for the fact you are in my sleeping area. " The person spoke out. I heard shuffling and someone sitting down next to me as they leaned there head on the outside wall of the gym. " Inside there you finally became free. How did it feel? " The person asked.

" The worst ever feeling. I had to end a friendship I thought that would last forever. But there was so much leading me to this moment. I just wish for one thing to work for her for her crush to accept her confession. " I whispered resting my head down on my knees as tears continued to pour down.

" Even after all she did to you, you still wish for that to happen. Hell Suna probably would avoid this whole situation. " The person said chuckling.

" She and I grew up together she always would pick me for things she made me feel wanted. No matter what has happened I still thank her for making me feel wanted for once. Maybe I did ruin her chance with Suna and I wish I didn't cause such a commotion so he would accept her. If he doesn't I probably would hate myself even more than now. " I gulped having my eyes shut.

" Pick me, Please. You say that and yet you let her have your crush. " He chuckled, sighing I shrug.

" He knows who she is. He didn't even know who I was he didn't even remember me sitting next to him in the auditorium the beginning of the year. He noticed her she was sitting next to me, they were a seat apart and he noticed her. So of course she and him probably would be for the best. " I spoke out while trying to hold back anymore tears.

" I guess maybe he wasn't looking for you at the moment in his memory. Suna barely ever wants to put energy into anything the only time he does is if he plays volleyball and there isn't a huge point difference. " The person said sighing.

" It's like you talk for him. I just know that I put Maeko through things I want her to be happy. I'll probably be bothered by everyone because of the commotion. I didn't mean to burst like that I never wanted to. " I spoke out.

" You did. I don't think you understand everything you said there it was the real you. The you that you kept hidden for her. Sure you two were friends and it time for you to move on. Lingering on regret will do nothing but make you want to hide even more. I don't like comforting people in total because it's too much work but for once just get up ask him out. " The person said and I nod.

" You are right but I already told her to go for Suna. It would be mean and I follow with my word. " I spoke out I heard the person groan and suddenly I felt hands on my shoulder I was sat up straight to look at the person but my eyes were shut.

" You are such a mess. Here. " I could hear him opening something and suddenly a soft piece of paper perhaps a tissue being wiped on my face. The hand gently wiped my years away. " To be honest this is not what I normally do for anyone I prefer to sleep but you are here so that ruined my plans. " The person said as I sniffle.

" I'm sorry. " I spoke out. " I can leave for you to sleep. " He sighs and wipes away all of my tears.

" Too late you are here and I feel like I have to do something because maybe I hurt your feelings. I don't like feeling guilty. " The person said. " Now I want you to tell me what you will say to Suna when you walk up to him. " I opened my mouth to say but but he sighs. " No buts now. " He spoke out.

" I uh I uh. Um Suna I know you are busy with Volleyball and school but I was hoping if you and I can um go on one date if you don't like me on the date you can uh avoid me. " I muttered and he sighs. " Was it bad? " I asked and just chuckles.

" You give Rintaro away to escape that's nice I guess. Let's see how would he answer? " He paused. " I have it. Y/n I appreciate you saying that and finally becoming who you really are. But you have to promise me on the date you don't hold back and show the real you instead of being the shadow you used to be. " I sigh.

" Well if he really would accept but what would he say if he would reject me? " I asked. I heard another groan and a pair of lips on me. I open my eyes to see what was happening and saw the one person I was practicing to ask out. I push him away and crawl back. " S-S-Suna I- I- I- kissed y-y-you. No Y-Y-You kissed me. " I stuttered in shock.

" Is it that shocking? Anyway when would you like to go on that date? " He asked and I sat there shocked. " I want to get to know you so when are you free? " He asked and I felt like I was in heaven.

" Um I'm free for the rest of the week. " I spoke out and he hums.

" What? I did what you wanted and what I felt was right. I picked you for who you are. " I opened my mouth. " Don't consider it pity because it isn't I wouldn't waste my time on someone I wouldn't want to waste it with. " I nod and fixed myself. " Meet me at the front of the school on Friday. I have an idea for our date. If you want you can bring a pair of clothes to change into. But I don't mind the school uniform. Here's my number if you don't mind I'm going to take a nap. " He leans back and shuts his eyes. As his hand is out with a paper that had a number. I take it gently and blush.

" I guess this chapter is over. I will be back to read the next chapter after my lunch break. " I get up from the rocking chair. I looked out at the crowd to see paparazzi and people listening as they clapped.

" Ma'am what inspired you to write and Autobiography about your so far life? " A women asked.

" Because I wanted to tell people my life story with Rintaro after all the moment I got engaged I knew I had to dedicate it to my future Husband. " I explained while getting my bag.

" What inspired you to put quotes in certain situations? " I smiled.

" I felt like it would fit in. " I saw Suna and smiled. " I have lunch with someone I will be back in an Hour enjoy. " I wave and head towards Suna in the back.

" I was there when you read our first interaction after the whole commotion part. " He spoke out as we head towards the break room.

" One of the most important parts of my life. How was Volleyball practice? " I asked as he opens the break room.

" The team wanted me to get your autograph. After all you directed one of their favorite horror movie. " I nod.

" I wouldn't mind signing autograph's. " He hums as I kiss his cheek.

" I'm glad I decided to comfort you even if I never gave our relationship an office title. " He explained. I shrug.

" The entire time we were so called dating I thought we were just friends in beginning. At least we'll eventually be husband and wife. " I spoke out. He looks down at me and kisses me as I wrap my arms around.

I listened to this song the most when writing so give some love!

[evermoreholland]

More Than Enough | Peter Parker

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Angst + fluff

Word Count: 1,820

A/n: This is part 2 to a fic a wrote a while ago called All Alone. This could be read on it’s own, though. I’m really proud of this so feedback is much appreciate. I hope you all enjoy! 

*Italics indicate flashbacks

--

You had never thought that you could feel so heartbroken. You just never thought you would be so broken by your best friend. You remember all of your amazing moments when you were kids, and you remember growing up together. You were Peter’s best friend, until he ruined it. He personally attacked you. The worst thing was, he didn’t care. It was up until the point where you told him to leave that he cared. You weren’t even sure that his love for you was true. How could he possibly say those words after our big blowout? Did he really even mean that or what he was just trying to get me to forgive him?

~

“Pick up, Y/n. Please,” Peter whispered as he tried calling your number for the tenth time that day. Peter felt extremely guilty for how he treated you. There were no excuses for his awful behavior. He didn’t know what had gotten into him today. He was upset about his breakup with MJ but that wasn’t an excuse for how he treated you. After the line went to voicemail, Peter dialed Ned’s number. Ned always had decent advice and maybe he could help Peter figure out a plan as to how to get his best friend back, maybe there was a way to fix the problem that he caused. 

“Hello?” Ned responded on the other line. Ned knew that Peter went to your house to tell you about the breakup, but he had no idea how it went over. 

“Ned, I fucked it up,” Peter said as he ran his fingers through his curls, a habit he did when he was stressed and upset. 

“What do you mean you fucked it up?” Ned asked, confused. He didn’t see how a simple conversation could end up so badly. You were always supportive of Peter, sometimes more than others, and Ned didn’t think that your conversation with him could end up that bad.

“I ruined our friendship,” Peter said and broke down. Tears began to flow from his brown eyes and he broke down on the phone with Ned. He cried for around ten minutes and then he finally calmed down a bit.

“Have you tried calling her since you got home?” Ned asked Peter. To be honest, Ned knew that you needed your space. You had been overwhelmed by Peter lately but he didn’t think it would go this far. 

“Around ten times,” Peter said. He sat on his bed and began fidgeting with a stuffed animal that you had given him in the sixth grade. He turned the teddy bear over to see the back. You had stitched a heart with both of your initials in the middle. He lightly smiled at the memory.

You had got home from school and you went to your desk to finish Peter’s bear for his twelfth birthday. You knew that giving your boy best friend a teddy bear would have been weird, but you couldn’t afford much and you’d known Peter would love it. You put your initials on the back of the bear to symbolize your forever friendship. 

You needed to finish the bear soon, Peter would be coming over anytime soon. Just as you finished stitching, someone knocked on your bedroom door.

“Y/n!” Peter exclaimed.

“Coming!” You shouted back and opened the door for your best friend. “Happy birthday, Peter!”

“Thank you, Y/n.” Peter said as he pulled you in for a hug. 

“I have a present for you,” you said and then Peter sat on the beanbag by your bed.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I wanted to,” you said and then handed him the teddy bear. Peter takes a look at it and turns around to see the pink heart with his and your initials on it.

“I love it, Y/n. I’m never letting it go.” He never wanted to let you go either. That was a promise he made for himself.

Ned sighed and said, “Peter, she probably needs her space. Just give her some time.”

“I don’t want to listen to you, but I know that you’re right,” Peter admitted.

“I always am,” Ned teased.

“Shut up.”

~

It had been a week since your fight with your best friend. You were hesitant about going to school after your fight. You didn’t want to face Peter yet. He had hurt you and you didn’t want to risk breaking down in front of him. You had most of your classes together, and you couldn’t bear to face him. Your parents forced you to go to school anyway. Your walk to school was weird without Peter by your side. You felt alone, but he was the one to make you feel that way in the first place. 

You got to school and then you went to your locker like usual. You got your books for chemistry, which you would usually walk to with Peter. You heard footsteps coming towards you and you immediately knew who it was. Peter.

“Y/n,” he said gently. You turned to face him and you were met with a very depressed looking Peter Parker. Dark circles were underneath his eyes and his eyes were bloodshot. A part of you felt bad for Peter but the other part of you chose not to forgive him that easily.

“Not now, Peter,” you said and started walking to class. Peter sighed, got his books and made his way to class.

~

Chemistry was absolutely boring. You were really glad that you chose Betty as your lab partner in the beginning of the year, though. 

“Y/n, can we please be lab partners? They’re finally letting us choose this year!” Peter exclaimed on your first day of chemistry class after the teacher said to pick your partners.

“Pete, you know when we’re partners we don’t get anything done, right?” You replied. You loved Peter and he was an absolute genius, but when you two were paired together it was hard to get anything done.

“But you’re so fun,” Peter protested.

“I’m going with Betty, but I’ll sit with you in every other class, alright?” You asked and then Peter nodded in defeat. You gave Peter a quick side hug and made your way to sit with Betty.

The next two classes after chemistry were boring. You had geometry with Ned and MJ, and then you had English with Peter. You kept looking at Peter when he wasn’t looking, wondering what you did wrong in the first place. Why was Peter so hurt by ending the friendship that he didn’t want anymore? Or did he want it?

You made your way to lunch and you were conflicted. Do you sit with your friends and have tension with Peter or do you just sit alone? Peter saw you standing and silently contemplating your decision.

“I can sit alone,” Peter said when he saw you.

“They’re your friends too,” you replied. You started walking to the table and Peter stayed still. You turned behind you and saw him. He looked awful. A part of you wanted to keep walking and not care, but you love him.

You grabbed Peter’s hand and said, “Sit with me.” You both made your way to your group’s lunch table and sat down next to each other, like usual. For the past week you ate outside by the football field so it was definitely weird sitting with everyone again, but at the same time, sitting with Peter felt normal. 

No one acknowledged the fight going on between Peter and you. You all ate lunch in silence with Betty occasionally talking to Ned. It was weird but you didn’t expect anything less.

~

After school, you went to stop by Delmar’s to get a sandwich. Your mother had texted you that she wouldn’t be home for dinner tonight so you went to get some food. After you picked up your sandwich, you made your way home. Once you entered your apartment, you were met with a sad Peter sitting on your bed. It wasn’t the first time you saw him like this.

“Y/n, I have something to tell you,” a nervous 15-year-old Peter Parker said as he made his way into your apartment.

“Petey, you look sad. What’s going on?” you asked as you sat down on your bed with him.

“Remember when I got bitten by a spider the other week?”

“Yeah…” you trailed on. Why was he mentioning this anyway?

“This may sound crazy, but I started sticking to stuff and now my body is changing... and I t-think I need to do something about this,” Peter said. It was obvious that he was scared about all of the changes in his life and you had to be there for him.

“I’ll be here for you, Peter. We’ll get through this together. I promise.”

You did make a promise to your best friend. 

“Peter.”

“Y/n,” Peter said, getting up from your bed to make his way towards you.

“I’m sorry. There is really no excuse for how I treated you. I haven’t been a good friend to you and I know you probably never want to speak to me again but I wanted to let you know that you have always been there for me and I can’t thank you enough. I haven’t thanked you enough. I’m really sorry.” As soon as Peter finished speaking, he broke down and fell into your arms. His sobs filled the room and tears began rolling down your eyes as well.

“Pete,” you said gently. He looked up at you with his bloodshot eyes and you saw his wet cheeks and began to pat them dried with your sleeve out of habit.

“Y-yeah?” He whispered. He was scared that you were going to tell him to leave. He was scared to lose you. 

“I love you, you know?” You said and Peter stood up and pulled you into him. You cried into his chest for a while. You listened to his rapid heartbeat and managed to calm down after a few minutes.

“I love you too, Y/n. I hate seeing you like this, especially knowing that I caused it,” Peter said as he cupped your cheeks, his thumbs stopping your tears from falling. 

“I felt so alone,” you mumbled. 

“And I’m so sorry for making you feel that way. I miss being your friend, and I haven’t been a good one lately,” Peter admitted. 

“I forgive you, because I know this was not like you at all.”

“I really love you, Y/n,” he said.

“I love you more, Peter. Just come and talk to me whenever something is wrong, okay? Please try not to lash out on me.”

“You have my word,” Peter promised, and you knew that was enough. He was more than enough. He was Peter, and you were lucky to have him in your life.

-- 

Tagging people who wanted this to happen/might be interested: @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @starlight-starks @bookwormmusiclover15 @awesomehritz @quxxnxfhxll @spidey-reids-2003 @namoreno @adriannajackson @nerdy-collector-festival @musicalkeys @osterfieldnholland

[blush-and-books]

i'm about to pass out but needed to write this - JATP + school headcanons

*disclaimer: I am only evaluating their attitudes and performance in what are considered "core" classes in my state. Idk if it is universal. These are also generalizations -- ik theres different types of math and science that they are taking

LUKE

He inspired this so we start with the king

ENGLISH CLASS: He excelled. Somehow, unknowingly, became his teacher's favorite. Did the homework for this class and ONLY this class. A+

MATH CLASS: B-/C+. Does not like math, hates it actually, never did the homework. Somehow averaged a B+/A- on tests and quizzes because he would have Reggie tutor him days before in preparation. Teacher always shocked at how he managed.

HISTORY CLASS: Did not do the homework, but still, like, paid attention?? Had it with all the guys so there were funny moments and events to associate with each lesson and lecture and somehow he remembered it. Again, did not do the homework. Maybe if he was super bored. C+/B-

SCIENCE CLASS: Skipped it most of the time. Would show up for labs and experiments even if he had no clue what was going on. Bobby tried to help but Luke was so uninterested lol, and the teacher was v boring!!! Not fun. D+

LANGUAGE: Took Spanish because its what everyone did??? He thought it would be the most useful but it ended up being such a mistake. He thought that English was complicated, but shit!!! Hard :(( Julie tried to revive his education but fails often (but hes really faking it bc he just wants to keep hearing her speak Spanish and try to teach him). D+/C-

JULIE

ENGLISH CLASS: Aces all of her essays. Emotionally attached to all of her female English teachers!! Sometimes her interpretations of the books are a little off but literally everyone's are. Loves English. A-/A

MATH CLASS: Gifted kid syndrome but only with math if that makes sense?? Got super ahead in elementary and middle school but now that shes in high school she barely knows what's going on and is running out of math classes to take because she was able to jump so much from middle to high school. Has to study the most for this one. Thank god for Reggie. B-

HISTORY CLASS: Could take it or leave it! Likes the subject but hates the teacher. Does well on tests to spite them. Doodles too much on her homework and it annoys the teacher v much. A-

SCIENCE CLASS: kinds vibes ngl??? Something kinds cool about it. Has Flynn in the class, a fun young science teacher, and they all just have a really good time. Julie never really liked science but with the right people and environment shes flourishing!!! A

LANGUAGE: Did not have to take one -- took a fluency exam in Spanish her freshman year. Has minor superiority complex every time Flynn complains about not knowing her language.

REGGIE

ENGLISH CLASS: Got distracted hella easily... Not very fun :( teacher didn't understand that he had ADHD and learned things in a different way. Luke tried to help him cheat on tests tho so he didnt have to repeat the class. D+/C-

MATH CLASS: GENIUS!?!?!?!? GENIUS. Literally took two math classes one year bc he could. Somehow it all made sense. Really loved how numbers were consistent and clearly right or wrong; not subjective. Teachers loved him because he was always kind and positive and brought a smile to everyones face. A+++

HISTORY CLASS: Did not suck at it??? Kinda cool stuff and fun times with his besties. Did better in the class than any of them. Teacher was a total prick tho and Reggie was also late because it was their period right after lunch and he was a slow eater and the teacher didnt allow food. Again: teacher was a prick. B+

SCIENCE CLASS: Enjoyed the labs and experiments, usually aced those because he has exceptional attention to detail. Everything else, not so much. Certain concepts were just very hard to grasp and he had a hard time creating ways to remember things. C+

LANGUAGE: He took French because he knew his mom took French when she was in high school and he thought she could help him and they could bond. That plan didn't really work out -- but he still did okay, even if his mom didn't pay attention. B-

ALEX

ENGLISH CLASS: In between Luke and Reggie -- read the books and retained most of the information, but the essays were not it. He really liked class discussions even though the teacher would tell him his interpretations were wrong (how do you interpret something incorrectly?? Art is up for interpretation?? He will never quite understand). B+/B-

MATH CLASS: Kill him. Least favorite class. Hates math and has hated math since his first lesson on fractions broke his spirit in third grade. Reggie helped him through most of it but shit really did not click. Did his best because his parents would be mad if he didn't. C-/C+

HISTORY CLASS: Very into history for some unknown reason??? The TA in the class was hot so he made sure to pay attention and make a good impression. He was often apologizing for the behavior of his bandmates. A+

SCIENCE CLASS: Did not hate it!!! Had the fun young new teacher instead of the same old dude that had been there for 20 years. She was really fun and sweet (and totally got the vibe he was gay and was super supportive)!!! He didnt quite understand everything but still worked his ass off. B+

LANGUAGE: French with Reggie because he thought it was a more romantic language. Quickly realized his mistake and switched to Spanish the next year. Realized his mistake again (the mistake being that he would be good at learning a new language) and stopped trying lol. C+

FLYNN

ENGLISH CLASS: Her essays are well written because Julie edits all of them. Like Alex, is always told that she is reading the text wrong?? The two of them bond mega over that. Just because she has a wider imagination does not mean she should be punished for it!!! B+

MATH CLASS: Geometry is her jam but algebra makes her wanna commit every degree of murder. Sometimes it clicks and sometimes it definitely does not. Probably dont ask her for help because shes awful at explaining things. B-

HISTORY CLASS: Hates it here!!!!!!!! She hates the curriculum, hates the lecturing, and constantly either feels bored or singled out in every lesson. Is advocating in the district for textbook and curriculum reform to include diverse and pan-ethnic studies. C-

SCIENCE CLASS: Her favorite class!!!!!! Loves everything about it. She isnt learning how the world works through history but instead through the facts of science. She feels invincible in the lab and like she has so much more to discover. She particularly enjoys astronomy. A+

LANGUAGE: Spanish so that Julie could help her out!!! Can barely utter more than 2 sentences in conversation but is perfect on paper and that's more than half of the battle. A-