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floating-mid-air · 3 years

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The Princess of all Saiyans

Masterlist

Hey Everyone! It's been a while. My life's been kind of hectic the past couple of months. Long story short: I Graduated from Highschool this year, so I was busy with everything having to do with that. Then my summer job sadly prevented me from writing as well. And then I started College, which was a big change for me. For now, there are no more chapters in my life opening or closing. Now I'm finally in a place where I feel comfortable continuing this book again. I could've honestly been writing during all of this chaos. But I wouldn't have been pleased with the quality of my writing. I'm really excited to get back into the swing of things. I don't think this chapter panned out the way I originally planned, but I'm still happy with it. As always, I hope you enjoy it. And if you have any comments or concerns, feel free to let me know. My inbox is always open!

Chapter 11

You've been walking for quite some time now, and the experience has been excruciating. You haven't been in this much pain since you and Raditz were on planet Telia, ten-something years ago. Those damn underlings were able to get a good sneak attack on you. Though you can't say, you let them get away scot-free. You made sure to make their entire dreadful race pay for that injury. You and Raditz had covered up that incident, much like you're doing with your current injury.

"So---" You can hear Goku talking to Krillin from just slightly left of you. "Did you guys find the senzu beans?" Wow, Kakarot may be the least subtle creature you've ever encountered.

"Ya." Krillin chuckles. "All four of us were in pretty rough shape." Goku glances at you with a worried look on his face. You glare at him as Raditz eyes the two of you skeptically. He knows something's off between the two of you. Maybe something serious did happen while you and his brother were trapped together.

A bit more time has passed, and you've been trying your best to keep up with the others. But it isn't as easy as you thought. You're now trailing behind the rest of them, with Raditz turning back to look at you every so often. The largest Saiyan slows down to catch up with your slower pace, now walking beside you.

He turns to you, whispering in a low tone. "Something's off." Raditz can no longer stay silent about his concerns. First, it was the strange vibes between you and Kakarot. And now it's your out-of-character demeanor making him uneasy.

"About what?"

"You. Typically you walk beside your brother, and when he doesn't let you, you make sure you're always only a few paces behind. But right now, you couldn't be more content to trail everyone. Plus, you're far too confident to not be in the very front." Raditz has been around far too long for your liking. Damn him. He knows you far too well, and you hate him for it.

You roll your eyes at him. "So this conclusion of yours is based on the way I'm walking? I'm tired. When I fought, Burter, that physically drained me. And then I got trapped in a ditch with your moronic brother, that mentally drained me. I'm exhausted, Raditz."

"It's not just the way you're walking. It's your mannerisms as well." He points at your side. "Your hand hasn't moved from your side from the moment I first saw you."

"God, Raditz." You scoff. "Stop overanalyzing everything."

"Getting defensive now? That's your M.O whenever you're hiding something." He looks back and forth between your face and your hand that has remained glued to your side. The gears in the older Saiyan's head slowly but surely turning. " Y/N, are you hurt?"

"No." You snap your eyes shut, biting your lip hard enough to draw blood in an attempt to suppress a wince of pain. "I'm fine."

He tilts his head at you. "Y/N, I know you claim otherwise, but I'm not stupid. I know you're in pain."

You chuckle softly in a self-pitying way. "Am I that easy to read?"

Raditz shakes his head, smiling to himself. "No, I've just known you for a long time now." He returns to his serious demeanor, his gaze returning to the area of your wound. "How bad is it?"

"I barely feel it at all. Though, climbing out of that ditch must have reopened the cut."

Raditz snickers. "You're a bad liar."

"That's strange. I've been told in the past that I'm quite good at lying."

A smirk spreads across Raditz's lips. "Well, you apparently aren't when I'm involved."

The larger Saiyan glances at the back of your brother's head. You respond with a glare, firmly pulling on a large chunk of his hair. You know what Raditz wants to do, and it's not happening. "Don't even think about it."

"I-I think we should tell him Y/N."

"No." You let go of his hair, tapping his chest with extreme force. "You're going to keep your big mouth shut. Vegeta will freak out. You know how irrational he gets."

Raditz decides to let you have your way--- for now. The man can't help but wonder why you're so stubborn, but then again, his nature isn't much different from yours.

With every minute that passes, your condition only seems to worsen. Your eyes even start to droop. "Y/N?" Raditz turns to you, his features beginning to fill with worry. He places one of his large hands on your forehead. You're burning up. "You have a fever. Your wound must be infected."

"No." You shake your head in disagreement, almost like a child. As your mental state becomes more and more delirious.

"Vegeta!" Raditz shouts, gaining your brother's attention.

"Fuck you, Raditz! You're such a blabbermouth!" You shout at the larger Saiyan in front of you.

"What's wrong this time? Is my sister trying to pull you into another one of her elaborate schemes?"

"Y/N's hurt--- bad." Vegeta's eyes widen, and not even a millisecond later, he rushes to your side. "She has a fever. I think her cut is infected."

"Where is it?" He crosses his arms at you, noticing your hand placed firmly on your side. He moves your hand out of the way with ease, lifting your armor. "How did this happen?"

"Burter nicked me during our fight. It's no big deal."

"No big deal? It's infected, you stupid woman!" He turns his attention to Kakarot. "Did you know about this?"

You snicker. "Oh ya, Vegeta. I get hurt, and the first person I run to tell is Kakarot." Vegeta's fists clench at your sarcastic remark, turning his fit of rage back at you.

"You know, in certain situations, you're more prone to infections. And a planet like Namek checks all of the boxes! You know you need to be more careful. Damn our mother and her faulty genetics!" Sadly that's a trait you had inherited from your mother. On most planets, you'd be fine, and injuring yourself would be no big deal. But Namek has specific conditions that result in you being more vulnerable.

"Raditz, pick her up." Raditz picks you up, giving you a piggyback ride. You wrap your arms around his neck, giving yourself better balance. Vegeta glances up at you. He looks even madder than usual. "With the condition, you're in, you will not be fighting. You will stay away from Jeice, and you won't even enter the same proximity as Ginyu. Do you understand me?"

"But--"

"No!" His voice booms, gaining the attention of every creature for miles. "I'm not kidding around. Do you understand me?"

You bite your lip, tilting your head downwards, avoiding your brother's gaze like the plague. "Yes, Vegeta." Vegeta returns to the front of the group, his mood sourer than ever.

As Raditz begins to walk, he starts talking to you again. "Are you mad at me?" You don't verbally respond. Instead, you claw into his shoulders, your nails digging into his flesh. "Fuck. I'll take that as a yes."

"You're a tattletale."

Raditz chuckles. "No wonder why Vegeta babies you. You'll thank me for this later, you stubborn woman. And I've kept your secrets before, handfuls of them, actually. Like what happened on planet Telia----" Raditz realized the grave mistake he had just made, mentioning that incident in the presence of the very being you worked so hard to hide it from.

You slap the older Saiyan upside the head as Vegeta turns backward, a scowl plastered on his face. "What happened on plant Telia?" It was a rhetorical question, mocking both you and Raditz. "Oh, the three of us will be discussing this in length later. Because it sounds to me like you both lied to me on that initial report." You and Raditz gulp, you've heard that tone from your brother millions of times now, and it has never once become any less terrifying.

"Oh, lighten up, Geta." You groan. "That was like, what? Around thirteen years ago?"

"The amount of time that has passed matters very little to me. As I said before, this is a discussion for later."

A few more hours have passed, which honestly feels like days at this point. And considering Namek's strange day cycle, it very well could've been. "How much farther?" Your question was clearly directed at Vegeta. And at this point, you're not even sure he has any idea where you're headed either.

"I don't know why you're the one complaining." Raditz huffs. "You're not the one doing all of the walking! And if you ask him that one more time, I'm going to drop you." Ok so maybe, that wasn't the first time you've asked that question today. Or the second, or third, you're very bored.

"Man Raditz." You roll your eyes, which are barely open at this point. "You sure complain--- a lot."

"You were just complaining." The long-haired Saiyan grumbles.

"No, I simply asked Vegeta a question. There's a difference Raditz. I know it's hard for your feeble mind to understand." When you're sick, you tend to act, oh what's the word? Bitcher than normal. And that's saying a lot.

Raditz clenches his jaw. "Vegeta. I need a break from your sister."

"That's how I felt ninety percent of the time I was stuck in a room with you, Nappa, and Cado. And you didn't see me running to wine to Frieza about it."

Before Raditz can retort, your brother interjects. "That's enough! From both of you!"

Krillin, Gohan, and Goku have identical bewildered expressions on their faces. Krillin turns to Vegeta, lowering his voice to a whisper. He doesn't want to be the next victim of your wrath. "Do they always fight like this?" The human finds this perplexing. Back on Earth, the pair seemed inseparable. They appeared to be the Saiyan equivalent of what on Earth would be considered best friends.

Vegeta lets out an exaggerated sigh. "Yes, but typically it's more playful in nature. When my sister is sick, she becomes even brattier than usual."

Vegeta's warning to both of you seems to have fallen on dead ears. Because your quarrel has not ceased, in fact, it has only elevated. "I will drop you, you royal brat!"

"I dare you to you second-class runt. I could still kick your ass even in my delirious state. I wouldn't even have to try very hard."

"I'm considering----"

Before Raditz can even get three words out, your bickering is once again interrupted, and not by the person you may think. "Enough!" Gohan shouts. You honestly forgot the others were here for a moment."If you two keep fighting like this, you're going to get all of us killed!" You and Raditz stare at the boy in shock. It's been a long time since the two of you have been yelled at by a child. The last time being when you were children yourselves. Vegeta hasn't changed much since childhood. He's been bossing you around and shouting at you since you were children, but I'm sure that's not very surprising.

"Ya, and I can take Y/N---- if you need a break." Goku rubs the back of his neck, chuckling sheepishly. "Not that I want to hold Y/N or anything."

"No." You rapidly shake your head. "Raditz, I'm sorry. I'll be good now--- I promise."

A wicked grin spreads across Raditz's lips right before he grabs your hands with his larger ones. He loosens your grip around his neck, moving your body with ease, scooping you up into his arms. Every step Raditz takes toward Goku seems even more antagonizing slower than the last. Until he's standing directly in front of his younger brother. He elevates his arms slightly, dropping you right in front of an unsuspecting Goku.

Lucky for you, Goku has sharp reflexes. That allows the Saiyan to catch you easily. Raditz look's his brother dead in the eyes, his typical arrogant grin still on his lips. "She's your problem now, Kakarot." Raditz gazes downward to look at you. "Stop pouting. Maybe next time, you'll be nicer to good old Raditz."

A low growl echoes in the back of your throat as you glare daggers at the Saiyan standing before you. "Ya, or maybe next time, I'll rip out your tail and strangle you with it!" The only thing that's stopping you from lunging at Raditz is Goku's firm grip holding you in place.

Rather than arguing that the entire group has become accustomed to, the whole area has become dead silent. You're no longer pouting. Instead, you are glaring at the man who continues to carry you bridal style. You've never liked being held like this. It makes you feel weak like you have no control over your own body.

What makes you even more irritated, Is how Goku reacts to your death stare. He just grins at you. Does he just never get angry? What kind of Saiyan is he? It fills you with so much anger that someone as dopey as Kakarot has Saiyan blood flowing through his veins.

You clench your fists. You just wanna punch Kakarot so badly. He just has such a punchable face. If you could take away his cheery personality, he'd actually be quite attractive. Wait--- what the hell are you thinking? Kakarot is stupid and way too friendly for you to ever think of him in that way.

You move your fist up, finally giving in to your urges, attempting to punch the man holding you. Probably not your wisest moment, but your brain isn't functioning normally right now. Goku catches your hand with ease. His reflexes are unreal, or maybe this fever has you more sluggish than you believed. You'd prefer to think that it's the second option. He chuckles to himself. He's still not upset. What the hell is wrong with him? "Come on, Y/N. You gotta be quicker than that." He's challenging you. How Saiyan like of him. You seem to always be able to find specks of Saiyan nature in the cheerful man. And those are the aspects you actually like about him.

Your eyes begin to once again feel heavy as your eyes droop shut, just before you fall asleep in the arms of your enemy.

Twenty-Something Years Ago:

You're sitting on your bed, sitting crisscrossed, a book laying open on your lap. Since your father is currently off-planet, you can read all you want. You're enamored with your newest book. It's all about a topic referred to as diplomacy. It's fascinating and has many concepts that are entirely foreign to you, yet at the same time, some of these ideas are also familiar.

As you read, your door slams open, but you pay the interruption almost no attention, not even bothering to look up from your book. Honestly, the unwelcome intrusion has you more angered than anything else. "God, Vegeta." You roll your eyes. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Something's not right. When Vegeta usually bursts into your room, he's automatically shouting at you.

Out of pure curiosity, you look up from your book. However, standing at your door, you don't find Vegeta. A boy with a very similar appearance but with a much smaller stature stands in your door frame. He's out of breath, desperately huffing for air. "Tarble?" You furrow your brows at your brother, launching off your bed to get closer to him. "What's wrong?" You have this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your twin has never behaved in such a manner before.

"Captain--- Captain Ginyu is here." Tarble is shaking, his eyes watering slightly.

You scowl ever so slightly. "But Ginyu's not scheduled to be on planet Vegeta any time soon."

"It's--- It's a surprise visit. What do we do, Y/N?"

You contemplate for a moment before your features fill with alarm. "Tarble? Where's Vegeta?"

His lip quivers as he looks down at the floor. "He's with Captain Ginyu."

"Damn it." You mutter under your breath. Diplomacy is a skill you need right now. And Vegeta doesn't have a single quality that a diplomat possesses. Your elder brother is more likely to unnecessarily provoke the Captain, putting your entire race in hot water with the Frieza Force.

You rush over to your bedside table, rummaging through the drawer. Once you have your scouter in your hand, you run back over to your brother. "Stay in here, and use this to channel our father. Let him know what's going on." You push past your twin, about to leave, before Tarble's voice calls out to you.

"Wait, Y/N!" You turn back to look at him. "Where are you going?"

"I have to go stop our older brother from doing something stupid. Everything will be fine, I promise. Just calm down and do as I said." And with that, you take off, praying that Vegeta hasn't already done something rash.

As you sprint down the halls of the palace, you run face-first into the torso of a large body. "Princess?"

You look up at the bald Saiyan, the one who's supposed to be at your brother's side at all times. Since the future king of planet Vegeta needs to be protected. "Nappa, Where is my brother?"

The imbecile scratches the back of his neck, contemplating much longer for your liking. "I'm not sure. I haven't seen the runt in quite some time. You should probably ask Vegeta."

You scowl at the Saiyan. "Not Tarble, you fool! I'm asking you where Vegeta is!"

"Oh, Why didn't you just say so?" It's taking every ounce of restraint you have in your body to not viciously attack Nappa. "He's just outside of the palace."

You run through Nappa, intentionally knocking the large Saiayn onto the floor. His stupidity lost you precious time. It was quite an amusing sight, though. A mere child, being able to take down one of your father's best warriors.

You arrive outside of the palace, your eyes landing on your target. This is the first time you've ever seen Captain Ginyu. Sure, you've heard stories of the purple man. And much like your people, Ginyu is just as bloodthirsty and just as ruthless. Much to your surprise, the Captain doesn't have an army behind him. This was just before the Ginyu Force had formed. All Ginyu was at this point in time was a captain of one of Frieza's many armies.

You walk over to them, now standing at your brother's side. "Captain Ginyu." You speak with your hands, an exaggerated smile appearing on your lips. "To what do we owe the honor?"

The man looks down at you, clearly analyzing you with his scouter. "Well, if this isn't a surprise. I think this is the first time I've had the pleasure of meeting you, Y/N." Ginyu extends his large hand out to you, causing Vegeta to feel a great deal of alarm. Your brother's body has gone tense with an apprehensive look on his face. But when your older brother looks over to you, there isn't even a glint of fear in your eyes. You're calm, almost as if one of Lord Frieza's deadliest warriors was not standing before you. You accept the Captain's hand, presenting him with a short but polite handshake. "Your father doesn't like showing you off much, does he?"

You chuckle softly. "My father likes to hold his cards close to his chest. I'm sure a man like yourself is quite similar." Sucking up to Ginyu is not your favorite pastime, but it needs to be done. And every Saiyan on this planet knows your big brother is far too prideful to do it himself.

Ginyu looks between you and Vegeta carefully. For someone so highly regarded by Frieza, he sure isn't subtle. He's trying to read your facial expressions. Unfortunately for him, your father has raised you both much better than that. A poker face to you feels more natural than a genuine expression. "Speaking of your father, where is he right now?"

"He's of---"

You quickly cut Vegeta off. "He's in a meeting. That's why our father sent me out. He wanted you to know he sends his regards, but his hands are tied at the moment. He will be here at soon as possible. I hope my brother and I can suffice your needs in the meantime."

Captain Ginyu eyes you skeptically, tilting his head at you ever so slightly. "That sounds serious. I hope it's nothing too pressing."

"Of course not. It's nothing my father can't handle."

You're about to continue your schmoozing, but you're stopped by Vegeta aggressively yanking on your arm. "We need to talk-- in private."

You grimace at your brother's words. He just always has to make everything that much more difficult for you. You turn back to Ginyu, offering the man a cheerful smile. "Will you excuse us for a moment? We'll be right back."

Vegeta drags you around a corner, concealing you both from Ginyu's prying eyes. "What do you think you're doing?" He huffs at you in a whisper. "I had everything under control."

You snicker, crossing your arms. "You were just about to tell Ginyu that our father was off-planet. It sounds to me like I got here just in time to prevent you from making a grave mistake."

"I don't see why that matters."

"And that's the issue, Vegeta. Now we don't have time for this. Let's go." You turn back around, walking back over to Ginyu, Vegeta trailing not far behind. "I'd like to apologize for my brother's rudeness, Captain Ginyu." You shake your head but with a slight smirk across your lips. "All Saiyan men are the same, and my brother is no exception. They're incredibly thickheaded and quite savage. I'm convinced they don't even realize what brutes they are." You watch your brother ball his hands up into fists from beside you. It fills you with an immense feeling of joy knowing you're getting under Vegeta's skin for once. You turn back to Ginyu, plastering that disingenuous grin on your face. "Now, how about we give you a tour of our wonderful planet?"

You and Vegeta have shown Ginyu around almost the entirety of your planet, and you must admit you're beginning to grow worried. Luckily you've managed to hold off any more questions about your father's whereabouts by charming him with various facts about planet Vegeta. But to be honest, you're not sure how much longer you can hold up this charade for. You've exhausted pretty much every idea that you've been able to come up with.

"Captain Ginyu!" Your father's brash voice invades your ears as you turn around to finally see the man you've been anxiously waiting for. You've never seen your father walk in such an urgent manner, and it's pretty funny watching your twin struggling to keep up with your father's pace.

Your father places himself between you and Vegeta, ruffling your hair affectionately. You look up at him. "How'd your meeting go?"

Your father meets your gaze, catching onto your deception almost immediately. "It went very well. Thank you both for keeping Captain Ginyu company in my absence, but I think I can handle it from here." He directs his attention back onto Captain Ginyu. "Now, how about we discuss you're abrupt arrival somewhere more private."

The two men exit your field of view, leaving the three of you alone. Tarble, in his typical fashion, glues himself to your side. "What the hell was that?" Vegeta spits out with venom. "Where was your pride? You were basically groveling at his feet."

You furrow your brows at him. "I was doing what needed to be done. And if you think our father isn't currently doing the same thing, you're a bigger fool than I thought."

"I know our father is being more agreeable with him, but not at the cost of his pride."

"It's always about pride with you." You step closer to Vegeta, closing the distance between you. "Your pride today would have cost the loss of countless lives today, Vegeta."

"Then so be it. If there are Saiayn's that inadequate on our planet, we should probably just exterminate them now. It'll save us the hassle later on."

You snicker, shaking your head at Vegeta. "Some King you'll be." You turn to your twin. "Let's go, Tarble. I have no desire to be near our foolish brother right now."

The conversation between Captain Ginyu and your father was brief. It was a very anticlimactic ending to the naked eye. The briefness of this encounter only set off more alarm bells in King Vegeta's head. It was clear to the man that Ginyu's excuse for being on his planet was bullshit. He's just not quite sure what the captain's intentions were, but he sure as hell is going to find out.

As soon as Ginyu left planet Vegeta, he promptly set course for his next destination. He's headed straight to Lord Frieza to report his findings, and he's eager to do so.

Ginyu arrives on the planet in record time, heading straight for the throne room. Ginyu kneels before Frieza, waiting for his boss to speak. "Captain Ginyu. You're sure back early. I trust you were able to gather enough information on the young prince."

Captain Ginyu nods enthusiastically. "Of course, Lord Frieza. The Price was exactly the same as the previous data we collected on him. He's powerful and quite intelligent for a Saiyan. Though, he did inherit that nasty temper from his father."

Frieza sighs. "How disappointing."

"But I did discover something that you may find interesting, Lord Frieza."

Frieza tilts his head at the man. He can't help but feel intrigued. "Go on." It's not that easy for him to find an advantage over those monkeys, so he'll take any information Ginyu can give him, no matter how minuscule.

"Y/N--- King Vegeta's daughter piqued my interest greatly. She's not even close to as strong as her brother, but she's remarkably clever. She's very good with words, she knows how to manipulate people. I'd say she might even be better than King Vegeta himself."

"Now, that is fascinating. Good work, Ginyu. I'll look into the Princess's abilities more in-depth later. You're excused."

This is just something I felt the need to clarify: So in this chapter's flashback, Vegeta is around three, and Y/N and Tarble are about two. In my head, I picture children on planet Vegeta behaving like miniature adults. My idea is once they leave their chambers (the tanks they are raised in to get their basic Saiyan instincts under control), their minds are fully grown, but their physical growth is quite delayed. That's why they curse and stuff. I have a minuscule window of time to squash in all of my plot ideas. So this was the best way to do so.

#goku #goku x reader #saiyan reader #vegeta #vegeta's sister #DBZ Fanfiction #dbz x reader #dragon ball x reader #dragon ball z #the princess of all saiyans

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celestialnocturnes · 3 years

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a message to my youth (reply 1988 thought dump)

warning: this isn't meant to be a coherent review or commentary on reply 1988. i literally just finished the kdrama a few moments ago and i want to preserve what i'm feeling through this entry. this is only a cathartic attempt to show how the kdrama had impacted me in so many ways. also, spoilers!

to the things that are already gone. to a time that has already passed, i want to say a belated farewell. goodbye, my youth.

watching a kdrama wasn't in my top priorities this year, but things that used to be a part of you would demand to be revisited sometimes. i'm glad that i did, and i'm thankful that it was reply 1988.

taking a nostalgic look at the year 1988, this kdrama tells about the story of five families in a humble block in ssangmun, seoul. for someone born 12 years after the setting, the plot is something strange, a history lesson in the lens of simple households. for someone in the limbo between careless youth and adulting, and someone born in an asian family, this kdrama will feel like home.

culturally speaking, reply 1988 was a beautiful exposition of how asian households run. what got me hooked to continue the drama was the endless saga of giving dishes to neighbors in the first episode. funnily enough, all families ended up having a feast of each house's dinner on their tables.

from a mouthwatering display of korean side dishes, to the trends of 1988 korea (back when jyp himself was a hit lolz jk), to the endless neighborhood gossips, to the flawed and conservative views on politics, and to the tight-knitted family dynamics — one would find this hilarious and relatable, informative even.

reply 1988 was a lot of things, but its casts hold a special place in my heart. the gang had so much love between them and it was so beautiful to see a pure friendship evolve through the years. i wish i could still have loud dinners and drunken nights with my friends when we get into our careers. I would love that.

sung deok sun, the optimistic figure in the group, was a ray of sunshine to me even as a viewer. i love deok sun because her spirits were never faltered by her failures and her status in life. my personality is sooo far from deok sun's, but she was relatable to me when she said she didn't know what to do in her life. she doesn't have a dream, i have a lot of them. even so, the uncertainty is there. i guess we all figure things out in the end. deok sun became a flight crew and was able to earn money for the family. i can't wait to figure out my own path, too.

dong ryong, being deoksun's self-proclaimed soulmate faced the same journey. despite not getting into a prestigious university, it's amazing how he was able to establish his own restaurant and even expand branches! makes you really think that not everything in life can be solved by good grades. honestly, i wish i have his street smarts and wisdom. what a powerful person i would be, then.

jung hwan was the man of few words in the group. he showed his affections not through words, but through his actions (and teases for deok sun). his love language would definitely be acts of service! i love jung hwan. he was a good son, brother, and friend. i aspire to have the kindness that he has. but oh dear heavens i would kill just to see how his love life would unfold had he faced the courage to confess to deok sun. i mean, come on! just be straightforward! they would honestly make a good pair, the ray of sunshine girl and the cold guy.

choi taek, the professional go-gamer, was the baby of the group. like jung hwan, he was a man of few words, except that taek was actually shy. his growth through the series was perhaps the most apparent. his innocent image was eventually changed by the way he picked up curse words from the gang, to his smoking, and to his openness of affection for his family and later on, deok sun. also, his character made me fall in love with park bo gum and his smile!

before i go to the next two characters that i associate myself with, i would also like to comment on the household parents of the block. the fathers here have different personalities, but their identities as providers of the house defined the way they act. they keep a tough act and may be distant to their children, but the love is there even though they don't really know much about the household.

and the mothers, oh dear, the mothers. my mom is not a working entity, but i've seen her struggle through the years. i think her burdens are even heavier than that of my dad's. the way this kdrama portrayed the stories of the mothers touched my heart so much that i couldn't stop my tears. never underestimate a woman's strength, i tell you.

from these figures, i learned so much about adulting and marriage. our parents miss their parents, too. our parents would always worry about us, no matter how old we are. our parents are trying to keep everything together, so they put up a tough front. our parents' wishes are devoted to their children. our parents just want the best life for us. not only us are growing old, but our parents, too. our parents want our attention, too. our parents do not have the perfect marriage, but they would do anything for their children. our parents love us deeply.

okay, here goes my reflection in the kdrama — sun woo and sung bora. initially, i was planning to write an entry only about bora, but i realized that i am in many ways alike to sun woo as well. both characters are the eldest children of the family and they face a lot of pressure in their respective families. both characters sacrificed their dreams because they are limited to what their families can afford. sung bora took math education despite her dreams as a prosecutor. sun woo took medicine because that was what his mom wanted. as for me, i chose a course that would promise a stable salary. i dreamed to work in the field of science or writing, but both paths have unstable pays in this country. i do not come from a well-off family, so i have to set my dreams aside.

bora and i do not share the same personality. hers was aggressive and frank, mine was the opposite. even so, i found a piece of my soul in her character because she was steadfast in her goals and was very understanding of her family's situation. she was the cream of the crop in the siblings, the only one who became a student in the premier university, the talk of the neighborhood. she had strong political stances that made her own parents almost disown her, but she was never sorry for it. when it comes to little things, bora had so much privacy over her things that she would get mad at the slightest unauthorized touch of it. oh dear, if that wasn't me.

sun woo, on the other hand, was nearing my male counterpart. he cares so much about his mom and his sister that he hated the thought of the former working. he was the model student, the one with the straight a's, and the one who acts professionally even with the internal turmoil of emotions. he never opposed his mother's wishes and he loved his sister dearly. he would always hold his feelings in, but gets weak in the arms of a loved one. based on his upbringing and firm values, you would also see how he respects women. i love it.

these two never worked out at first because they prioritized their dreams above romance, but i'm so, so happy that they got together in the end.

reply 1988 was perhaps one of the best slice of life shows that i've ever seen. i wish i had watched this when i was younger, because it would teach you so much about family, love, dreams, friendship, and growing up. the pacing would feel kind of slow because of its movie-length episodes, but i swear it was worth it.

to the youth that i was, thank you for building the youth that i am.

to the youth that i am, enjoy the uncertainty and strive to be a better version of yourself.

to the youth that will be, may you never lose the spark inside your heart no matter how old you are.

i will hear your reply in time.

most ardently,

grace

#reply 1988 #journal entries #text #kdrama #korean #slice of life #deok sun #jung hwan #sun woo #dong ryong #sung bora #choi taek

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energyanon · 3 years

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I feel like it's the cool thing to do, you know to make fun of him right now and I just don't feel like it. I feel sad for him because though I obviously don't know what's going on bts I can't help but feel he isn't doing too good. The way he was behaving at the restaurant with Leah was just too much and felt like him playing the role of happy go lucky guy...

Also, in one of your readings you mentioned that the people behind him were kinda cold, not all but some and that's just sad so I'll keep my thoughts positive and hope he finds true happiness soon, whatever that may look like.

Here’s the thing: Henry can do better.

Bar none, he can do better. He’s choosing not to do any form of healing or internal work. He’s choosing to make silly decisions. He is 38, at some point he needs to stop being babied and held accountable, and that is where this started. Fans expected better, he failed to meet that, and the reaction was jarring to people. When you used to love something and the rose coloured glasses are taken off, it’s jarring, you’re going to be emotional about it. You’re going to be nasty, that’s how it works. You feel angry and embarassed at yourself for giving so much time to something that turned out to be false, and you need them to feel what you felt. Classic projection. I’m actually angry at ME for feeling, so im going to be angry at YOU for making me feel that way. I don’t think anyone think that it’s become “cool” per say to make fun of him, I believe that we’re community based creatures, and we’ll always go where the group goes. It’s not “cool” it’s just where everyone is at the moment. And to not follow the group is to be shunned. A couple of weeks ago I was on the tag, and there were anons hassling long time henry fans saying “are you leaving the fandom i cant believe you still like him blah blah”, and those people had to say either they’re taking a break cause they can’t handle it, or they agree and they’re leaving. And all of this is over NV of all people. But that's the thing is we see all these things that people aren't doing, comparing them to ourselves saying "I would never" but you also were raised in an entirely different environment and family. HC seems to believe that being silent is the best way to go, probably because he was raised that way. He made one call out post and got the reaction he got: guess what he’s now learnt to never do that again. What’s he going to reform back to now? Being silent. I don’t feel that the people around HC are a good influence. I do feel that that isn’t helping his mindset, and he is being dragged down by said people, but he’s also not taking responsibility to change that. A member of his FAMILY is apart of his work and personal life, and he apparently made a production company with charlie. That’s all kinds of triangulation that I dont even want to get started on, and there’s two reasons to get involved with family and thats either 1. You want to help THEM, or 2. they’re in your ear convincing you. It is never a good idea to mix family with work, ever. He doesn’t make good decisions, but I do feel that that’s also because he trusts the people in his ear too much, and they have become like a family to him. That’s hard to let go of. Its really difficult. I don’t know anyone who has an easy time breaking it off with a long time friend or family member, I know i’ve found it near impossible. But I think he’s very heavily influenced by these close connections because he doesn’t want to lose them. I understand that getting involved in the drama is fun, and I’ve been there for sure up until even two ays ago i was still there, but now that I understand that what he’s going through is also tough, i’ve also realised that I need to have more empathy for the guy outside of readings too. It’s not nice to be in the place that he is. Ive been there I get what kind of person it turns you into. And it’s a huge turning point in your life aswell, you either let it consume you or you do your best to break free. He’s at a crossroads, i’ve said it before. Lets hope he goes down the path that’s best for him. All in all, I think people have a right to be upset, they’ve invested alot of time into the guy and got nothing back. I also think with that post yesterday that he’s actually trying his best. I don’t think its easy for him to self reflect, he’s not going to apologise for NV, she is his companion for now, he’s got some serious issues surrounding being loved/lonely, he’s not going to do anything to make her leave until he’s ok with finding someone else, which i feel like he’s kind of given up on at the moment? But he’s also still trying to juggle all these things in his life and his own mental health and the constant judgement doesn’t make that better. When people are loved and supported they’re the best version of themselves, right now he’s not being loved or supported. In fact he’s being hated by thousands of people, that’s going to take a toll on you. But to me, idk what it is, but it feels like he’s trying to mend things to be the best of his ability. (And his ability is still pretty poor in execution, and to be fair him talking about fucking protien shakes is more boring than paint drying and he should absolutely be dragged for that 😆 ) But it feels like a positive move. The level that the dragging is being taken is starting to turn into something else, but this is also how people express themselves. You can be apart of it or not, the pages that allow it are a good venting system, and fans deserve to have that, but there aren’t many places for it to also just be understanding, so that’s what this page will be instead. (But once again, understanding isn’t creating excuses, and I won’t create excuses for him. He is still held accountable, but without the drag) Even with this all being said, he still needs to do better. I stand by that, and I think that’s what most of the fans are trying to say (they’re just a little big angrier than i am about it, and that’s ok) Anyway I’m doing part 2 today so we’ll see how it goes with Fans/the post etc

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dana-chan-the-control-brain · 3 years

Text

Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.

#danachan's posts #personal stuff #new year post #tw: covid #tw: yeast infection

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marvelfangirllll · 4 years

Text

All mine

Dean Winchester X Plus size!Reader

Words: 1586

Based off the post above. (Y/f/c) favorite colour and (y/b/n) your bully's name or a random name.

Bullying trigger warning

I had been out with the girls shopping as I needed some new bras and they were already planning on going to the mall anyway. I had picked out a few cute ones when they noticed a deal on some sexy lingerie pieces. I had held up a couple to me in front of the mirror when Charlie and the rest of our friends then convinced me to try my favorite on.

I went to the change rooms and tried on the (y/f/c) one piece that lifted my breasts and flattered my hips and sides and lifted my bottom. I turned myself around a few times. I felt like I should be on the cover of a magazine. "My lord if I wasn't me I'd date someone wearing this. I then changed back into my clothes and left the change rooms.

"Was everything okay you took so long in there" Jody asked. "Yeah I was about to go knock to make sure you didn't die" Charlie said. "I was perfectly fine maybe a little more than perfect my self esteem hasn't really been up this much in a long time. I'm definitely buying this." I smiled thinking back to how I looked. I went up to the counter to pay for everything and that's when I noticed who was in line at the other cash. The girl who bullied me for a long time who made me hate myself more then I could imagine. Hopefully she doesn't recognize me.

That's when she walked over to me while I was still waiting. "Oh my is that you (y/n) (y/l/n)". She squealed and hugged me. "Yeah it's me just picking up some stuff" I say hoping she'd leave. She then looked at all the stuff I was getting. "Cute but that one piece definitely isn't for a cow like you, you'll most likely rip it with your flabby skin, besides even if it does fit who you gonna wear it for? Yourself... pathetic. You probably don't even have a boyfriend and if you do than he's probably also a fat lazy pig". This bitch was getting on my nerves and I tried my hardest not to cry. "I'll have you know that I don't care what you think and that you certainly have not changed. I do have a boyfriend and he is the sexiest man that I know and he loves me to pieces." I say glaring at her. "Yeah and he's probably made up like the rest of your "boyfriends" (y/n)" she says putting boyfriend in finger quotations. "I do thank you very much". I said sassy. I then pulled up a picture of Dean and I together. "That's your boyfriend, I know him he came to my bar one night and we screwed like crazy, the guy said that that he hadn't been laid like that in a long time. I guess your terrible in bed then (y/n) and best regards to Poor Dean" she said and gave me her number "here for when he wants the best sex of his life again". That's when I bought my bras but left the one piece behind and ran outside the mall. Truth is we haven't had sex.

Charlie and Jody noticed (Y/n) had ran off and looked over to (y/b/n). Jody then walked over to her "excuse me ma'am your under arrest for verbal assault". (y/b/n) tried to fight out of it "It was a joke I know that girl from our past, we're really close I swear" she tried to get free and get at Jody. "Do you want to add assaulting a officer to the list" Jody says. "No Sheriff" (y/b/n) relaxed and went down to the station with Jody.

When I was outside that's when I felt an a arm go around me. "Hey, don't worry about bitches like her, your sexy and you and I know that Dean loves you. If he didn't then I'd slay him like a dragon. Charlie says and gives me a hug. She then hands me a bag from the store we were at. "Merry Christmas in July". I then look in the bag to see the one piece I loved. "I don't think Dean would ever cheat on you...also she's gone down to the station" she laughs. "Jody?" I question. Charlie nods with a smirk. "No she didn't? Omg I thank you both so much your the best girlfriends I could ask for" I jump with Joy.

I head home after I took the girls out for lunch as thanks. I decide to have a me day for the rest of the day as the boy's weren't in the bunker. I decided to have a nice hot bath with a bath bomb and some bubbles. I had a facemask on my face. "As hectic as it may be I think I actually love my life" I say to myself.

After my self care I decide to put on some comfy clothes and decide to bake. I look at the things in the cupboard and decide to make a Carmel Pecan pie.

The pie had finished and I decided to put it aside to cool and put on a movie. When my movie had finished I decided to go check on the pie and noticed it had left the location I had put it and went on a pie hunt.

I then found it still in one piece no slices gone and go to grab it when I feel muscular arms wrap around my waist. "I'm back princess thanks for the pie" Dean says and then turns me around and kisses me. "Who says the pie is yours? It's for after dinner Dean and if you try to touch it before dinner then your gonna be in trouble" I then stick my tongue out at him. "Anything you say babe" he then goes to make dinner.

I go to my room and put on the one piece that was bought and put it back on and looked at myself in my rooms mirror. "I really do look sexy" I whisper to myself. Then (y/b/n) comments start to come back and you feel some tears start to slip. Thankfully I didn't have to think on it long as Dean called for Sam and I because dinner was ready. I quickly try to grab some clothes and trip over my own feet. I gotta get up and change. I push myself up and try to get dressed as quickly as possible but unfortunately things don't like to work out. Dean walks into my room.

"I called for" Dean stops himself and looks me up and down the one-piece still on. "Forgot dinner and Pie I think I found my full meal" Dean says flirtatiously. " I quickly and finally throw clothes on overtop of the one piece. "Let's just go eat dinner" I say not realizing it was quick and not my usual tone. "Hey baby girl you alright? I try to walk past him but he stops me. "Yes I'm fine" he looks at me weird and walks us to sit on my bed. "He wraps his arm around me and rubs my back soothingly. "Do I not please you enough" I say and breakdown. "Yeah sweetheart of course you do... what's all this about" he says cuddling into me. "Its just we've never had sex and I feel so gross with myself and I bought the piece to feel sexy and to please you that my body isn't fat and bad" I cry and keep rambling. "Baby girl your gorgeous, don't you ever say such things, whenever you wear something a bit revealing I'm always checking you out, even when you aren't I have to stop myself from always holding on. "I'm so sorry for crying just a had a rough day, the bitch who used to bully me was there and she was saying stuff to get in my head and that she knew you and she said that she was the best fuck in your life" I continue to sob. I then pull up a picture of (y/b/n) with shaky hands. "Yeah I know her I helped her out because her fiance was really a vampire and it had been a long time since I had been laid while on the road...but that was years ago before I met you, I'm so glad that Chuck created you I never wanna leave you" Dean says and kisses me "how about we hang out in one of our rooms and I'll go get the food and bring it here and we can watch game of thrones re-runs" he kissed me again then went off.

I set up the tv and my bed with comfy blankets and got in and Dean brought dinner and the pie I had made. He then climbed in cuddling with me and cuddles with me as I'm the "comfiest pillow ever" . "We don't ever have to do anything you don't want to do right now baby girl" he says then feeds me some pie and shoves some in his mouth too. I love this man and how good to me he is.

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spenciebabie · 3 years

Note

(So this isn't sexual by any means but I guess I just need to vent.)

I'm beyond stressed the fuck out. I know, I know people have it worse then I do. My life's not that bad. I've recently have been spiraling.

My self loathing is through the roof. I'm constantly thinking about how badly I hate myself and how I clearly don't care about my weight enough to deal with my problem.

I'm normally this goodie two shoes girl with a foul mouth and a tomboyish attitude. However I didn't drink or do drugs.

I'm 25 and I'm finding myself so stressed out that I'm lashing out at my spouse. Without meaning too. I don't think my medications are working anymore. (How do they just stop?!)

I've been drinking everyday and I'm trying to get my hands on some edibles (which isn't hard but I'd rather get it from people I trust not a stranger. I'm spiraling but I'm still cautious)

I just don't know what to do. I feel like crying and screaming.

I have an appointment with my primary care doctor about my medications but they can't get me in til like April 10th.

I'm afraid for what that means for me.

having been a SH I'm afraid. Terrified even..

I know this is depressing and dark I just.

I'm sorry. If this is to much just write a post saying it is.

im going to preface this by saying that there’s absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. yes other people are struggling and it can feel selfish to focus on yourself at times but that’s because you are the center of your own world and it’s a good thing to invest time in yourself, especially when you are struggling.

but im not sure im the best person to help you if im being honest, and i appreciate that you’re probably mostly looking for a place to vent, and that’s cool too.

the only advice i can really even think to give is to focus on the fact that you do have an appointment with your doctor coming up. and it’s further away than you’d like, but it will definitely remedy some aspects of your problem at the very least. so that’s a huge positive. and if it’s at all possible it would probably be worth talking to your doctor about getting a referral to a therapist, or counselor even, if your symptoms aren’t helped by your medication alone.

i know you’ve said you’re lashing out at your spouse but if you have someone else in your life that you feel comfortable talking to i think it’s important that you do that. just having a support system can go a long way in improving your mental health.

and if you genuinely do need a more qualified person to talk to than me, there are plenty of phone or text based help centers, depending on where you live they’re different, but i know Crisis Line is global and they have plenty of trained volunteers with much better resources than i do, and they really might be able to give you some guidance or actionable advice.

in the meantime, if you need a place to vent im still here, but i really hope things start to turn around for you soon ❤️

#anon #answered #el speaks #advice #tw mental health #tw mental illness #tw depression

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apenapaperandadoofus · 3 years

Note

Ok, so, I would like a RFA match up, pretty please 🥺 I just love how you portray them.

About myself, I am an introvert, idk if you follow the personalities test thingy but I am INFP-T, which is basically this:

(The T stands for Turbulent and is just about me being on the lower self esteem spectrum of the personality)

I do tend to be more shy and quiet, around strangers and general people that I just don't get along with, I prefer to simmer on my emotions and thoughts by myself, and once I've process I share with whoever is willing to listen. I don't like when people start pushing me about the meaning of my feelings when I'm not ready to express them.

However, I am a very feeling-based-decisions type of person.

I grew up taking care and responsibility for my sisters, and I was in charge of babysitting a lot of my baby cousins during extended periods of time, that gave me a weakness to babies but low patience to brats and their parents. Also, now that I don't take care of anyone that actually needs to be taken care of, I'm kinda restless.

I try to be polite to everyone, because I hate bullying, but only once I feel comfortable enough I show my quirky, and weird part of myself, I am a gossip (however, I don't spread rumors nor do I tell secrets that were confided to me), loyal to a fault (which sometimes leads to being spiteful if I'm betrayed) and a hopeless romantic to the core.

I am touch starved, like very very mcuh, I just want cuddles, kisses, hugs and physical affection, but I also need my space and time for myself to do my own stuff. (Is it just me or that sounds like a cat?)

I'm somewhat lazy, I daydream a lot, and I come up with a bunch of writing ideas that I never really write or finish.

My favorite color is pink because it reminds me of the good parts of my childhood, my rebel time as an angsty teen and now it brings me peace and familiarity, however I like to wear more red and black clothing because I think I look better in that.

My perfect date would be a sleepover either in my house or his house, we would order takeout from his favorite place but we would get my favorite desserts. We would watch a Dreamworks movie marathon previously agreed by rock, paper, scissors (he won, but ultimately he chose my favorite movies) and we would snuggle together in a pillow fort in front of the TV. After each movie we would share commentary in how the plot would've been better, or the actors performances, our favorite scenes, characters or anything really. Afterwards, in the middle of the night, when all the movies are over we would just start talking about everything and anything, maybe share one or two kisses but nothing more until one of us falls asleep.

The thingd I look in a partner are fidelity, patience, words of affirmation, trust, stability, and affection, a little bit of lust and possessiveness isn't bad for me, I like to feel that I belong somewhere, with someone and if my partner can be that for me would be ideal, also, I don't like being teased or mocked because I'm very sensitive, preferably someone calm that can ground me when I'm stressed or lost inside me without being mean about it, basically a man that can help me making me feel safe about myself and safe in the relationship (my ex was rather abusive and I just want stability and safety)

Ok, do I don't know if this helps but a little description of my physical appearance: I am 21, mexican, 5'4, shoulder-lenght layered dark brown hair, big dark brown eyes that I like to hide behind huge glasses because I'm blind as heck, chubby, thick thighs, plump-cheeked, round face, my skin is light with yellowish undertones, with small scattered freckles on my nose and cheeks.

Damn, this is very long, I hope this is helpful to you.

Thank you so much for your patience and for doing this, and no pressure at all, take your time and make sure to take breaks to care for yourself.

Gracias otra vez y que tengas una excelente semana.

Oh this is perfect!

Also are you me bc I honestly relate to all of that 100% (twinsies heyooo and not only that I'm an INFP too! xD)

Anyway here we go!

I hope you enjoy the match pft I'm always nervous about this!

I match you with....

THE HANDSOME MAN IN A SUIT! JUMIN HAN!

When you first met, he found it a bit strange about how quiet you were. At first you were pretty quiet in the chatrooms, but after a few days he began to see more and more of you.

One night while you were in bed writing, you received a call from Jumin. Normally you'd be pretty shy to talk to him, but you decided to be brave and answer.

At first it was a bit awkward, but for some reason listening to Jumin made you want to get to know him a bit more. The two of you ended up talking for two whole hours.

One night you invited Jumin over to watch a movie together. The poor man had never seen the wonderful and beautiful thing that is all the Shrek Movies.

It was amazing.

Jumin actually gave some pretty deep commentary, and you loved talking about your favorite parts of the movie once it was done. Jumin couldn't help the big smile that appeared on his face and you suddenly stopped your rant about the movie, feeling suddenly a bit self conscious. Were you weirding him out?

You immediately mumbled an apology, feeling hurt, but Jumin grabbed your hands and kissed them. "No, no, please don't think I'm laughing at you. I just...well....to be honest I've never found myself captivated by someone....yet here I am, unable to tear my eyes away from you. You...you are truly a wonderful person you know?"

That day you had your first kiss.

The two of you had a really cute dynamic, with Jumin being the one that always solved everything by logic, and you being the one that always followed your heart. You two ended up helping each other a lot!

Whenever you feel down or tired, Jumin only has to take one look at you and will immediately come over to hug you. He won't ask about anything unless you want to talk about it. He's super observant, so he always knows how you're feeling without you having to tell him.

Another thing, is that you've helped this man take more care of himself. Whenever he's overworking, you'll come up to his office and wrap your arms around him, telling him to take a quick break.

Also, did you say you were almost like a cat? Because this man absolutely loves cats and just adores it when you come up to cuddle with him.

Jumin knows when you give you space, and he is always there if you need someone to comfort you. He is also extremely loyal (and protective too! -not in the creepy DONT TALK TO OTHER GUYS way- but he always makes sure you have body guards when you leave, and if he finds someone staring at you funny he will suddenly come up to you and kiss you.)

If you're ever stressed and dealing with any problems, he will take you by the hands and lead you to the balcony, where he will guide you through some breathing exercises. Then, when you've calmed down he will talk to you about the problem and give you solutions.

If you need time by yourself Jumin will definetly step away for a bit and come back when you're ready!

At dinner time he humors you by talking about any office drama he's heard about (recently he's been asking Jaehee to keep track of those sort of things so he can tell them to you -also he's definitely become invested but won't admit it pft)

Over all, Jumin will always take your feelings into consideration first, and he will make sure to always be there for you!

#mystic messenger #jumin han #matchups #mysme

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border-spam · 4 years

Text

Leech Lord: Quirks

Handling critique:

Troy:

He doesn't know them by name and they aren't showing respect when he turns to apprehend who just dared interrupt him rudely in front of others?

Dead. Immediately. There's no pause to hear them out or explain themself, their head will be crushed in that spined fist before he even finds out what they were about to say was criticism. There is no concern or regret over this later, he won't even care enough to remember their face.

Far more forgiving in private as he’s not needing to play up to his persona, but still - respect has to be shown.

Someone he is aware of by name/rank, or sees as having value?

Stay polite and factual and he'll listen. Hands clasped behind his back and shifting his eyes down their body as they speak, like they’re being measured, or read. He'll listen. The more numbers they can provide, the more clear data they can give that shows his information or his actions are wrong and what they are suggesting is better, the more likely he will take it on board. The God King is surprisingly polite and coldly calm when approached correctly, regardless of if he likes what he is being told.

- A close friend?

Nervous, picking at his teeth with the tips of his nails and finding it hard to meet their eyes. Hunched over himself and back bent even if he still towers over them, like a child who just wants to go hide. Stuttering. Apologetic to the point of becoming self deprecating even if what they were raising was only minor. It's not a big deal Troy, it's not, it was just some feedback. Calm down pal it's not worth getting worked up over, really. No you don't have to redo the whole thing, that's stupid come on y.. no you aren't stupid Troy, don't delete it all.. Oh, Troy.

Tyreen -

She does not hear, she does not see.

From anyone. It doesn't matter who they are. Unless you are her you're wrong, because she cannot be incorrect. She is infallible... you get it, right sweetheart?

She is omnipotent. She is a GOD. It's not that she's not listening to them, they don't mean enough for her even to be able to hear.

Seifa:

A stranger she views as someone below her in position?

Lol who are you. Who the fuck are you to think your opinion has any value, let alone matter to her? She's not even hearing what you're saying, you should be out of her presence by the time she stops eyerolling by the way, she's a busy woman. May not be healthy to waste more of her time.

Above her in authority or experience?

Silence. Not quite making eye contact, she's focusing on breaking down what you're saying and digesting useable information. A quick "Got it, I'll consider what you said" afterwards is genuine. She will consider it. That doesn't mean she will take it onboard, but she knows not to waste valuable data.

Friend?

A mix of both. She'll make it clear there's a very good chance her opinion on this is going to supersede yours, but that yours still has value for her. She might not make change changes right now based on it.. but it could affect how she approaches things in the future.

Pet Peeves:

Tyreen

A pet peeve, one she's irked by but doesn't spend a huge amount of time lost in rage over, is people treating her like she's airheaded. It happens often, especially when she's around Troy. She's not dumb. At all. Just because she's not a giant, brooding, scowling asshole who stands in silence while death-glaring everyone in the room, doesn't mean she's vacant or stupid. Just because she's louder, and more animated, doesn't mean she's ditzy.

In talks, the conversation always gets pointed to him for any discussion regarding anything with business or technical depth, she hates it. He's good at this shit, he's great with numbers and logic, but just because she communicates differently doesn't mean shes terrible. It's irritating.

Seifa:

Bullshit. She cannot abide hearing someone talk complete wank, and wants extremely direct clearcut conversation at all times bar if she's talking shit with friends. That's totally different.

She wouldn't manage to be in the same room as someone like Rhys or Katagawa for more than 5 minutes before she'd be ready to peel her own face off and eat her hands, so takes a lot of comfort from the "Please fucking kill me oh my god" gestures and grimaces Troy makes towards her from out of the speakers sight in meetings where they are dealing with the waves of verbal shite emanating from some corporate tool.

Troy:

Sleeping. It's just a fucking waste of time. It's completely pointless. Shut yourself down for hours so your body can release chemicals it needs? Fuck sake, just take the chemicals and stay awake, wow, well done, now you have 1/4 of your life back!

Dreams suck, waking up feeling like death sucks, spending hours laying awake staring at your ceiling while trying to make your "brain be quiet for once, just please.. be quiet.." for hours till you eventually pass out sucks, it's all stupid and wasteful and humans are dumb. He's dumb. Everyone's dumb.

Tenderness:

Tyreen:

She'd see wanting it as being weak in a way, Ty doesn't need anyone for any reason, so she doesn't need intimacy or tenderness. Why would she? She's not weak, or soft. Not being able to touch others isn't even a factor here, don't you dare imply it is. Intimacy is for people who aren't strong enough to exist alone, don't insult her by thinking she'd ever want it. She watches those romcoms for the PLOT and the character development, did you see in that last episode of Skags of fire that Miguel finally got with Santia-

Seifa: Born 2 Tender (physically and monetarily)

She thrives off receiving and giving affection to close friends and partners, it's a part of herself she masks off from her general authoritative persona for a lot of reasons, people often see being caring or gentle as weak, and that's not something she can afford in day to day life.

People close to her know she's very tactile platonically, and an arm around a waist or shoulders is the norm if you're spending much time with her and she's in good spirits. She doesn't shy away from touch in general and has no problem initiating contact with anyone she trusts and is close enough with that she doesn't feel like being caring is a risk around. Intimacy and close tenderness with a partner is her main love language, and something she absolutely expects be provided to her.

Troy: Viciously envious of it

The last time he encountered freely platonic intimacy was in his childhood, both with Leda and Tyreen before Ty started to resent showing affection more and more as they got older. He's desperately, pathetically lonely and fully aware of that, even if he lies to himself that he's fine.

He can't request it from the people he sleeps with as it means showing them the real man under the persona, and he's learned that people do not like the real Troy, so he's starved of real intimacy despite having so much access to other people's bodies nightly.

Not all bad:

Troy

His intelligence.

It's one thing he can think back on and remember only ever receiving positive comments on, right from as early as he can recall. He's always been able to consider problems in a way that lets him break them down and approach them from a unique angle. Dad said he was able to "Think outside the box", but he never really understood what that meant till the twins landed on Pandora and he watched so many people run themselves into the ground when such simple solutions were right there. Maybe not moral solutions, but simple solutions regardless! He absorbs and retains information very easily without any real effort, and when he found out that wasn't the norm, it became a genuine point of pride for him. Something he was great at, unrelated to his persona.

Hips and thighs

While most of his upper body causes him physical pain or he dislikes in general for multiple uhh.. reasons, he's never had any issues with his lower body. He loves the definition of his hips and lower stomach, his knees haven't ever had any joint pain, his legs have always been toned and strong without really needing any focus on them. He's worked himself to the bone trying to fix the things about his upper body that he hates, but his legs? Nah. Nice :ok_hand:

He's really good at looking after plants

He's really good at it. Lots of people can't keep plants alive but he can :) No one knows about it, but he does. It's nice to be good at something. It's just ...nice. :)

Seifa

Her waist and stomach.

Sei is relatively curvy for her height and is very thankful for her narrow waist, or she'd look like a solid rectangle in heeled boots no matter what she wore. It helps her keep up the soft fem aesthetic she likes to mix with punk bullshit without much effort, gives her a shape in baggy engineering overalls, and keeps belt pouches ON. Like, ON on. Shit is never going to move. She has a slight soft curve to her lower stomach she used to hate, thinking it made her look overweight , but as she grew into her twenties learned to love. Other people liked it, she was just being a dumb kid.

Physical strength

Years of working with lugging heavy machinery has given her an unexpectedly solid core, and she'd have no problem lifting something, say, Troy weight, and flipping it over her low center of balance without a sweat. Which is very fun. On things that are Troy weight.

The loyalty she builds with others without trying

She's not sure what it is exactly she's been doing to prompt it, but over the last few years she's come to realise she has a genuine support network across the system of people who are very loyal to her, and are there when needed to back her up in trades, or filling positions she needs, or getting her in touch with a group she's got no foot in. People she works with or gets to know trust her and remember her even years later, it's been a nice thing to find out about herself, though she wishes she knew what exact thing about her was the source of it.

Asks are Open!

#borderlands 3 #bl3 #borderlands #troy calypso #calypso twins #leech lord #seifa #my hcs #my writing

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painted-crow · 4 years

Note

I'm confused by something you said. You said you have a thing against dehumanization and "the idea of devaluing someone as a person based on their beliefs is Very Icky". I agree. But, isn't that The Big Difference between idealists and Loyalists? Both will dehumanize when pushed to the limit, Idealists either for the "Greater Good" or the other person's beliefs being "wrong". Loyalists because the people they're loyal to were hurt.

There's a difference between dehumanizing someone and having them as your enemy.

Having someone as your enemy means this person has to be stopped, they're causing harm and so it's right to act against them, within reason.

Dehumanizing someone is different. It means you are no longer viewing this human being as a person. They're now vermin, or a monster, or even an idol or evil overlord.

tl;dr: dehumanization can lead us to act without thinking, and I don't like that.

Philosophical rant ahead

(Get out while you can, lol.)

The reason (well, a reason) I have issues with dehumanization in general is that it gets used to circumvent moral discussions about dealing with enemies. War propaganda is an obvious one: "of course it's okay to kill these people, they're nothing more than a plague of cockroaches." But it shows up in a lot of more small-scale ways, too.

Sometimes the group being dehumanized really is a valid enemy and should be acted against, BUT the dehumanization means that any action taken against them will not be considered as carefully as it would if the enemy were still seen as "people." There is such a thing as reasonable force.

Dehumanization makes it emotionally easier to act against your enemies. Sometimes that's helpful, like if you're emotionally attached to your enemy and that makes you too forgiving. It might be easier to leave an abusive relationship if you see the abuser as a monster rather than a really screwed-up person. But more often, it's used by the abuser to justify the abuse.

"Force is all they understand."

Seeing someone as inhuman also closes off a lot of options for dealing with them. You can't negotiate with a monster. You can't reason with rats. Vermin can't ever recover or stop being vermin. Human motivations are complex, and human perception is limited, and sometimes the person who's against you is against you because they're in a bad situation. Do you dehumanize Draco Malfoy because he's working with the Death Eaters, or do you pull a Dumbledore and offer to protect him and his family? This tactic might have worked if they'd had more time.

Sometimes, people are gonna be wrong. Give them a chance to come around, if you can.

Of course, sometimes it's not as easy as that, and direct action is the route you have to take. But you should think about it first. You should try other things, if doing so doesn't put people in immediate danger.

Relying on dehumanization

On the other side of the coin, if you *need* to dehumanize someone in order to justify acting against them, you're going to get a lot of false negatives. People can cause harm without stepping over whatever line you've drawn before you dehumanize; they can cause harm without even being malicious. You need to be able to confront those people.

It's everywhere

Once you start looking for dehumanization, you see it everywhere. It lives in how we talk about prisons, for example. It lives in how people view all kinds of marginalized groups. It lives in how we view international conflict. It's a big part of a lot of issues I won't name because I don't want to get into specifics, I hate discussing politics on the Internet.

If you really want to see how many things it touches, read Brene Brown's books (I'd start with Daring Greatly) and look at all the different things people feel shame about. Appearance. Money. Aging. Mental health. Shame is a form of dehumanizing yourself, and it's horribly destructive--but also, all of those are things we might dehumanize others over, consciously or not.

So basically

I try not to use or listen to dehumanizing arguments, and keep it out of my internal reasoning process. I understand why people do it, but I don't think it's a good habit to fall into. For me, it's enough to see my enemies as harmful, and act against them; they don't have to be rats.

Notes and disclaimers

1. Please don't use this as a jumping off point to rant about examples of specific political crap. If you have to, make your own post, and don't tag me--this subject is exhausting for me, and this boundary is a self care thing. If you want to talk about dehumanization in general, that's fine, I just don't want to get into touchy flamebait stuff about the death penalty or terrorism or any of that shit.

(Just now realizing that the primary reason I hate political discussions on the Internet is largely *because* of the ubiquitous shame- and dehumanization-based arguments. Oof.)

2. These are general rules and there will be exceptions. Don't @ me about edge cases.

3. You can come to a different conclusion about this issue. If you've thought this through and you have a different opinion, or if you use dehumanization but you're really careful about when you use it, I respect that.

This post may be some of the most Ravenclaw primary shit I've ever written.

#paint speaks #asks #ravenclaw primary

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

Note

Oh my gosh she would definitely refuse to acccept her and Saeyoung being similar. Because as much as they would get along in some aspects, she's also very hotheaded and sometimes Saeyoung would definitely remind her of one her coworkers (who i came up with like two weeks before i got into mysme, so when i saw how Seven was i was like :0)

Jeth-TEN is similar only to Saeyoung's mischievious/sadistic side; Jeth doesn't have some depressing backstory, and its not a mask (though that's not to say he cant be serious or that he's shallow... i think u get what i mean). Jeth is also a lot more... shark-like, if you will. That's how I like to describe his grin, at least; whilst with Saeyoung, I prefer "wolfish." Jeth is bit more intense and pushy with his antics, still a bit of a prankster but mostly just likes to mess with people verbally. He isn't Rigby's typical partner, but they pair up here and there and, well, he has a reputation.

As does she. A reputation at her agency for excelling. She also has a rep for being serious, because she is a bit more serious at her job. And, amongst the medical staff, a reputation for refusing treatment, but i'll touch on that later. She even dresses semi-formal whenever she goes in and isn't doing action-based field work or training. But its reminiscent of Suit Saeran's style; ya know, the chain? Formal suits (you'll never see her in a dress, skirt, or heels) with an edgy flare.

Her agency's primary goal is assisting those with powers. Her sector focuses more on the youth. Soemtimes, they have to remove the kid(s) from their home situation -- which can be for a few reasons, such as the family is abusive, or the child's power is too out of control -- and stay in the care center of the agency, where they are well taken care of and trained to control their powers and utilize them efficiently and safely.

Vasyl and Amara both went through this, and they both ended up under the care of Rigby's parents.

Rigby is, as Hughes, another coworker, likes to call her, a "jack of all trades." She hates that term, but it's kinda true. When she was young, her parents weren't only training her to control her powers, but they also taught her the basics for pretty much everything they knew, and then at a certain age, she was allowed to pick a few favourites, which they then focused more on, although they still gave occasional lessons on other skills (such as dancing, but there's no way in hell she's ever telling anyone that she knows how to dance lmao). They wanted her to have a lot of options when she got older.

Hacking/info gathering, general investigation (which is when she gets paired with Jeth), infiltration (including undercover), rescue, and when needed, trainer. Her main/"official" ones tho are the hacking and rescue.

Also, hardly anyone uses their real names there. She smushed her last name to get "Nova."

Hdbdhsvsj the dynamic between Vasyl and Rigby is adorable, but i also love the dynamic between Jeth and Nova. Like- look at this:

"A gut feeling, huh? Are you sure it's not just the tacos?"

"I don't eat tacos."

Jeth gasped loudly, as thought she had offended some revered figure. "You've never had a taco?" he exclaimed.

"I've had a couple. But I don't like them." She parked the car along the curb.

"You're insane! How can you not like tacos?"

"How can you not like ice cream?"

"Ice cream is f--king disgusting."

"Oh, my days." Nova unbuckled and opened the door. "I- I refuse to hear such blasphemy."

Also, insults:

She shook her head. "Are you sure you weren't dropped as a baby?"

He opened his mouth, but Nova continued.

"Oh, wait, we already established that when you decided mixing strawberries and barbecue sauce was the best thing ever."

He grinned. "You should try it~. It's delicious!"

"Not for a million USD." They stopped before a door. "Something definitely went wrong during the development of your tastebuds. And your brain."

"Agent Nova, why must you be so cruel?"

"Because your presence is a truth serum."

I live for banter tbh lmao.

Oh, and about her brother. She does her best to make sure he doesnt adopt that self-sacrificing behaviour -- call her a hypocrite; she's well aware. Alfhough, she's only that way with certain people, but still.

[417]

I am thriving on this banter. It's made me laugh so hard. It's about the chaos all the time. I think that's kind of hilarious that you struck gold and then found that another game struck gold. You can't go in the wrong direction when it comes to some wild cat.

These are just screaming what we all want in a friendship. Someone to call you out and bop you on the head for being a little shit. It's simply as it should be. Just a little something about chaos mixed in with the rationality can be really fun to play around with. You said tacos. Now you gotta sing the Jaehee Spicy Taco song.

I do love a woman with a flare for style and that's WHAT WE'RE THRIVING ON. I would like to be her friend the more that I learn about her and her universe, NGL.

It's good that the two of them have a sibling relationship where they can be honest with each other about this sort of thing and have a good laugh about it... or a playful shove to the shoulder as a reminder to lighten up and work on how hard and intense one is. It's good to want to care about your family but always remember that you can put yourself first sometimes! Easier said than it is done... that girl is asking for trouble but she's thriving. My condolences to her brother who deals with that daily.

#mod kait #ask #417 anon #oc #cmc

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misstrashchan · 4 years

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The Man With Two Souls, Pt. 2

Okay, so this ended up being a fucking long part 2 to my previous meta post. There was a lot I wanted to get down, and if it doesn't make sense or you don't agree with it, that's fine, I'd just be happy if you read it. Now I can rest until the finale comes and beats me up.

So, there's a few more Salem and Adam parallels to start off with like

(8) Having the same reaction to hearing someone mention Blake and Oz and the possibility of them getting the upper hand against them

(9) Chronologically after this happens (we see Adam destroy the throne room in Volume 6 episode 2, but we see him lose his mask at the end of the Adam trailer) deciding to go after Blake on his own while Salem creates the winged Beringel grimm and plans to go to Atlas herself, presumably to go after Oscar/Ozpin so he doesn't get in the way of her plans (as well as Ruby since she clearly needs her as well)

"If you want something done right, you do it yourself" - Volume 6 Chapter 13

(10) Adam and Salem telling Blake and Oz about how they're going to destroy them and those around them

"The ability to derive strength from hope is undoubtedly mankind's greatest attribute. Which is why I will focus all of my effort to snuff it out. How does it feel? Knowing that all your time and effort has been for nothing. That your guardians have failed you. That everything you've built will be torn down before your very eyes."

"So you send your guardians, your huntsman and huntresses. And when they fail and you turn to your smaller soul, know that you send her to the same pitiful demise. This is the beginning of the end, Ozpin. And I can't wait to watch you burn." - Salem, Volume 3 Chapter 12

"What you want is impossible! But I understand. Because all I want is you, Blake. And as I set out and deliver the justice mankind so greatly deserves, I will make it my mission to destroy everything you love. Starting with her." - Adam, Volume 3 Chapter 11

(11) Salem and Adam's perception of Oz and Blake affecting their perspective of themselves... and the audience.

Okay, this one's honestly kind of weird. For so, so long there were a lot of people who bought into the idea that Ozpin was secretly evil or somehow worse than Salem, or that he'd done something terrible and unforgivable to Salem. I fully admit, I was one of those people. I mean, I didn't think he was evil, but the way Salem talked to him at the end of volume 3, listening to the song Divide, I thought, he must have done something bad to Salem, right? How could she hate him so much otherwise?

And the worst thing he did... was leave her. When he couldn't go along with being a genocidal dictator of the whole world alongside Salem, and didn't want their children to be a part of that either.

And as for Adam, he tells Blake that she hurt him more than anybody because she left him.

"All sorts of people hurt me in all sorts of different ways. But no one hurt me quite like you, Blake. You didn't leave scars. You just left me alone." - Adam, Volume 6 Chapter 12

And Salem would also have been hurt from Ozma trying to leave her. Especially when you think about her backstory, how she was kept isolated in a tower, and instead of finding freedom in the outside world, found it in Ozma. And then he died, and she was alone again. And then the Gods destroyed humanity, and Salem is left alone one again for god knows how long.

"Once again, Salem was alone." - Volume 6 Chapter 3

And weirdly, similar to Ozpin there were people who bought into Adam's false perception of Blake too. That Blake is somehow the one who hurt Adam more than he hurt her (which is, completely insane).

And Salem and Adam want Oz and Blake to feel that way. To be paralyzed with self hatred and doubt, to be stuck in the past, and feel as if everything is their fault. That Salem and Adam are their responsibility, at first to save them, and then to stop them.

You see it with Adam's gaslighting, trying to paint her as an unfaithful coward. And I mean, just listen to the song Divide. The whole song is Salem trying to make out Ozpin to be the villain, that she's killing people but the real murderer is him for trying to give people hope, even if it was hope based on a desperate lie.

"It was you who ended their lives! Made them to dig their own graves! With your dark, sick, cruel design, convinced them their world could be saved." - Divide

And there were a lot of people convinced by Salem's song Divide that Ozpin was far worse than he really was, to the point it was surprising that he hadn't wronged Salem in some way like most people were expecting.

And Adam tries to make Blake believe that she's a coward, that she's selfish and weak, that running away from her problems is all she knows how to do.

And for a long while, Blake believed he was right. That she was toxic to the people around her, that she made things worse for them. And there were some people in the fandom who thought that she really was this toxic person.

It's actually kind of scary, but Salem and Adam managed to manipulate not only Blake and Oz's perception of themselves, but also the audience as well in how they saw them.

I don't doubt for a moment this is going to extend to Oscar as well if she meets him, that she'll likely try to convince him that he's just Ozpin and that he, Oscar, doesn't matter, and he'll fail and make the same mistakes as their past lives. Which undoubtedly parts of the fandom are going to take Salem's false perception of Oscar to heart as well and believe her.

Which brings me to move on from Blake's parallels with her first "soul" and Ozpin, to her second "soul" and Oscar.

Now Blake alluding to the Man with Two Souls is metaphorical, while in Oscar's case it's very literal, and it's no coincidence she's the one who first introduces us to the concept to us with the book she's reading during the Shining Beacon.

"...It's about a man with two souls. Each fighting for control over his body"

(It's important to note that the conflict between the two souls is not one of Good vs Evil)

Blake's conflict of her two metaphorical souls fighting for control, is the false perception Adam had of Blake and who she used to be with him, her past that she can't escape, and the struggle for her smaller, more honest soul, trying to define herself and decide who she wants to be. And for Oscar, he's struggling to define himself and decide who he wants to be, because of the merge with Ozpin, and that his past will become Oscar's too.

Both of them want to do the right thing and rise to their challenges, but it seems like such an impossible task to them that they're afraid to meet it.

"I'm... scared. I'm more scared than I've ever been. Than I ever thought was possible. I always knew I wanted to be more than a farmhand. But this? Who would ask for this?" - Oscar, Volume 5 Chapter 5

"I joined the Academy because I knew that Huntsman and Huntresses were regarded as the most noble warriors in the world. Always fighting for good. But I never really thought past that. When I leave the Academy what will I... How can I undo so many years of hate?" - Blake, Volume 2, Chapter 10

But the person who sees Blake's "other soul" the person she's truly capable of being, who she really is, even when she can't herself, is Yang.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out. You're not one to back down from a challenge Blake." - Yang, Volume 2 Chapter 10

And the one who sees Oscar and who he's capable of being even when he can't himself, is Ruby.

"Hey Oscar? I know this isn't going to be easy. But the fact that you're trying says a lot about you. You're braver than you think." - Ruby, Volume 5 Chapter 5

Blake and Oscar are also the first people we see Yang and Ruby open up to about their past trauma. The difference between the two being that in the Burning the Candle scene Yang is more willing to be vulnerable around Blake, to let her guard down and open up to her about her abandonment issues and how they've affected her.

Because as a more emotionally mature character she understands she needs to do that in order to properly relate to Blake so she can offer her support. She gets frustrated however when Blake still refuses her support, and so she has to give her a push to accept it.

Ruby, however, isn't as emotionally mature as Yang, and doesn't find it easy to let down her guard and talk about her emotions. Her mentality being described as "I don't have time for my emotions, I've got to make sure everybody else is okay" - RWBY Rewind: Ruby Rose Rewinds With Us

She feels like she constantly needs to be a pillar of strength and support for everyone around her as a leader. She has a hard time opening up about her own feelings and being vulnerable around others. For her, it seems much more natural to internalize those feelings rather than face them head on. As a leader, she feels she isn't supposed to show fear or doubt. If she admits how she's hurting or how scared she is, she'd be afraid of those around her losing faith.

Ironically, it's Ozpin's words of advice to her that enforce this mentality

"But if you aren't constantly performing at your best, what reason do you give others to follow you?"

So even though only a minute ago Oscar saw that Ruby was clearly upset over something (being reminded of Penny's death)

Ruby then goes on to act like nothing's wrong when she then attempts to reassure Oscar. And it feels like a performance, and though Ruby genuinely does want to reassure him, it comes across as insincere to him. He's frustrated because Ruby isn't being honest about how she's feeling, and is only concerned with his feelings.

So in the Dojo scene we have Oscar start to push Ruby past that flawed mentality that Ozpin enforced, to be more honest about how she's feeling, to talk about how the Fall of Beacon and the loss of Phyrra and Penny affected her, how she's afraid of Salem killing people she cares about, and that she'd kill anyone regardless.

And with both Ruby and Yang opening up about their past experiences they can relate to Blake and Oscar's own fears, doubts and insecurities. Blake's need for answers and Oscar's fear of the fight with Salem, and Yang's need for answers and Ruby's fear of the fight with Salem.

"I told you! I'm not telling you to stop! I haven't. To this day I still want to know what happened to my mother and why she left me. But I will never let that search control me. We're going to find the answers we're looking for Blake. But if we destroy ourselves in the process what good are we?" - Yang, Volume 2 Chapter 6

"I am scared! But not just for me. What happened at Beacon shows that Salem doesn't care if you're standing against her or not. She'll kill anybody. And that, scares me most of all. Phyrra... Penny... I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. That I didn't think about them every day since I lost them. That I didn't wish I had spent more time with them. If it had been me instead, I know they would have kept fighting too. No matter how dangerous it was. So that's what I choose to do. To keep moving forward." - Ruby, Volume 5 Chapter 5

And by demonstrating their own resolve, as well as their belief in the kind of people Blake and Oscar are capable of being that inspires them to be that person.

"I'm. Not. Running."

"You. Will." - Blake and Adam, Volume 3 Chapter 11

"She made a choice. To put others before herself. And so do I."

"Then you've chosen death." - Oscar and Hazel, Volume 5 Chapter 12

There's also Blake expressing her doubt in Yang during volume 3 after she attacked Mecury, causing Yang to question her own judgement.

She compares it to how Adam used to attack people, and of course she knows Yang wouldn't do something like that without good reason, but she can't but feel like the situation is very familiar. And Blake knows Yang isn't Adam, and makes it clear that she's decided to trust Yang.

"I want to trust you. I will trust you." - Volume 3 Chapter 8

But despite that, Blake's words do still weigh on her mind even when she's alone, where Qrow comes to talk to her about what happened and reassure her, and then they end up talking about her mum.

And then with Ruby in volume 7, Oscar expresses his doubt in Ruby in her decision to lie and hide the truth from Ironwood, comparing it to how Ozpin did the same to them, which, similar to Yang, causes Ruby to question her own judgement. And obviously he knows Ruby isn't Ozpin, that she probably had a good reason for lying. But again, the situation just feels so familiar.

But ultimately he decides to put his trust in Ruby, even before Ironwood.

"I do believe in you. But not only you." - Volume 7 Chapter 7

And by episode 9 they're both on the same page in deciding to choose the truth over fear. (if only James could have stayed on that page too)

Similarly to Yang, we see Ruby alone in episode 4 of volume 7, and you can tell Oscar's words are still weighing on her mind, as Qrow comes over to talk to her and she asks him if she is like Ozpin, and he reassures her that she's not, and then they end up talking about her mother.

Okay, so I'm going to go out on a limb here, and you can call me out on my bullshit if you like, but I'm making a prediction (like, 12 hours from the finale, but hey, it might happen later in the series for all I know)

If we're going full in on the parallels here, remember how Yang lost an arm trying to protect Blake from Adam, and afterwards Blake ends up leaving Yang like Raven, believing she'd be better off without her?

And how Salem is on her way to Atlas after hearing Ozpin had reincarnated, the foreshadowing for Ruby losing an eye and them bringing up her trauma around Summer in Chapter 11?

On top of her wanting Ruby alive?

I'm gonna guess Ruby loses an eye trying to protect Oscar, and then afterwards either Oscar or Ruby tries to sacrifice and give themselves up to Salem, except it ends up being a hollow sacrifice like Summer's

"I didn't have a choice I did what I had to do I made a sacrifice but forced a bigger sacrifice on you!" - Red like Roses Part 2

Because Salem would end up taking both of them either way. I actually can't imagine a scenario where she doesn't, because she needs both of them. But one of them has a worse fate, a "bigger sacrifice" in store for them when they reach Evernight (which I'm still thinking is Ruby)

#rwby #ozpin #oscar pine #yang xiao long #ruby rose #salem #blake belladona #adam taurus #trash meta #thank FUCK I can finally sleep #thanks to anyone who read this to the end #I don't think I'm any good at this but it feels good to just waffle sometimes

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hoaxexistence · 4 years

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How I Met Your Mother.

This show inhabit a special place in my heart, and that is why my first show review here will be about it. The most controversial ending in the 21st century television. I'll start. Spoilers alert obviously.

Season 1 - We were introduced to this life of Ted Mosby. We got to know his friends, Lily, Barney, his best friend Marshall, and Robin. In this season, the audience's sympathy and feelings were with Ted. The feeling of finding someone to love and to have their feelings reciprocated equally. At some point, we were all Ted - stupid, indecisive, hopeless romantic. He's smart, supportive and loving and we saw that in the first season.

Season 2 - Since Ted is stupid, he cheated on someone for someone who isn't sure with him. Yes, last season, he cheated on Victoria for Robin. Crazy. Still, he's a great friend anyone could ask for. He never leave Marshall when Lily left and supported his sadness. In this season, I saw Barney's heart. He is more than a womanizer that he always wanted to portray. He does care. Takeaway in this season, I realized that love is something that most people search and never find that's why when you find that person you feel like you want to spend your life with, you do something about it and you keep them. Lily and Marshall proves that. And that it's not bad to chase your dreams as long you know how to weigh things. And art is life.

Season 3 - "it's funny how sometimes you just find things." In this season, Lily and Marshall started to build their own life by owning their own house (kinda redundant but who cares?). Ted, who still believe in love, dated again. Robin tried to live her life in the way she thinks suits her. The takeaway in this season is that when you have a dream, you gotta hold on to them. It can be hard, there will be obstacles along the way and we should face them because those can be the path that can lead us to where we supposed to be. Risking is not that scary if you know you got the right people with you.

Season 4 - Finding your purpose. I'm not one to talk about this topic because I personally have no idea about mine. But in this season, I felt the same way with Ted (I totally relate to him and I hate it) about what he wanted to do. It was a bumpy road for the gang in terms of their personal life and career, but in the end, Ted decided to teach (damn it, just to be clear, I never wanted to be a teacher, oh fvck, what if I end up like him?) Anyway, season takeaway: if you feel like you do not fit in to something, probably, you have to leave. Some things may be waiting for you to discover and you just haven't found it yet because you're stuck trying to push yourself into something you're not for. And you may be doing other people a favor by doing so.

Season 5 - "You can ask the universe for signs all you want. But ultimately we only see what we want to see, when we're ready to see it." A good season. Lily and Marshall's character were growing. Barney, kept his awesome self but his character keeps on showing softness which can be visible every now and then. Robin, well I personally don't like her (probably because I see myself in her, dammit) Ted, on the other hand, never stop believing in love tho he did doubt it when Stella left him at the altar and in some parts at season 2. But he's Ted Mosby, he'll start believing again. My personal favourite episode in this season I think, is 'the last cigarette ever', I don't know, I just love the friendship that was shown on that episode. Anyway, season takeaway: when you ask for a sign, that's already a sign. And you can't force your way out into something because you got to deal with them at some point.

Season 6 - "Sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for better things" yea that's the exact quote but I like to say it this way: some things fall apart so that better things can fall together. Same thought but better right? Yea, whatever. Lol. This season is full of emotions. Like a lot of emotions. I can say that the writers really outdid themselves. Marshall's father died, which I never saw coming. And tell you what, I've seen the show four times and I still cry on that scene. And Barney, he met his dad, and that scene on his dad's court, that broke me. Neil's acting was superb. Season takeaway: forgive people. Forgive yourself. Enjoy the little things. Appreciate each moment. Cherish the people who make you feel loved. Never hurt other people intentionally and make wise decisions. That's quite hard, but I guess doable.

Season 7 - "Not because something needs to be said, does it mean it needs to be heard." I don't know why I chose this quote for this season but I just did, so. Anyway, this is a good season, I loved this season, tbh. Lily gave birth to their son, Marvin. New beginnings, but Ted, somehow was still unable to settle his feelings. (I don't want to elaborate, just watch the damn show) And I hate him for being so dumb. There's this episode entitled, 'symphony of illumination' and 'tick, tick, tick' yea, those bummed me. I love how those episodes tugged my heart.

Shoot, two more seasons. Lol. Okay, FYI, it has been more than a year since I last saw the show, so everything I wrote here is based on memory and a little bit of help from ecosia so that I don't misquote them. Lol. Continue.

Season 8 - oh! this season, one of the best. The most elaborate proposal that I have ever seen. It was a blessing to the people. Jk. But, that proposal was so perfect I freakin cried. In this same season, Ted had a very touching imagination. He looked for his wife. He gave the lines - which I memorized, and told what he felt at that time and I just bawled like a baby the whole scene. It was perfectly sad and heart tugging. It was a premonition that I didn't see coming. Season takeaway: trust is important.

Season 9 - The season where most of the people were left unsatisfied. This whole freakin season revolved around Barney and Robin’s wedding. Yes, that was basically it. Jk. In this season they build up Barney and Robin’s love and then they give us the mother. It was great. Up until the last two episodes. The writers failed me. The love that they built up ended up with divorce. WTF ryt. Then the mother died. And that montage scene of her and Ted together, ugh I had nothing else to do but to let my tears flow. It was heartbreaking. Takeaway: things may not always go according to plan, life goes on and we move forward.

All in all. I was disappointed. The writers tried. And I salute them for trying and giving the audience a streched and realistic ending. Just like what I said before, It's not the destination, it's the journey. And still I love the show, all its plothole, all its bad side, all the inconsistencies, and all its flaws. I've learned a lot of lessons from it. The show has a lot of quotable life quotes. I discovered beautiful songs (the ost is superb). Discovered new shows. And it taught me how to appreciate life more. And for that I am so thankful. Here's a final quote, tho I'm still not fully confident with this:

"Because sometimes even if you know how something’s gonna end, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the ride."

#How i met your mother #Personal review #Unsettled thoughts #Probably the worst ending #Words #Season break down #I tried #I can't get over

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