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total-drama-brainrot · 6 months

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TD World Tour AU, where Noah doesn't tell Owen that Alejandro is an eel in London... In Area 51, Noah is accidentally splashed with an alien truth potion (which wears off after a few days) and he talks to Owen... Owen asks Noah what he truly thinks about Alejandro, and Truth-Potion Affected Noah says this: "I have mixed feelings for Alejandro. He's a brilliant, interesting guy and I like him, but I don't trust him. He's like a slippery eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. Basically, Heather with social skills. Wait a minute, why am I telling you this?!"... What if Alejandro secretly heard Noah call him all those conflicting things + Alejandro also learns that Noah is affected with an alien truth potion? 👽

Alright, you got me. I'm an absolute sucker for truth potion plots, especially when the character(s) effected by them are usually either pathological liars or incredibly secretive- of which Noah absolutely falls into the second category, given he shares so little personal information.

I'll gloss over why Noah declined to shit-talk Alejandro in London (though there's so many ways this change in behaviour could be justified) since the focal point of this hypothetical centred around their time in Nevada, so let's start from the beginning of the Area 51 challenge.

Area 51:

Before we start, it'll have to be established that no one was eliminated in London. Let's say that the majority vote went towards Duncan (team CIRRRRH voted him out immediately because they found his re-admission to the competition unfair, I guess. I imagine he'd also vote himself, if not as a plan to escape the competition he'd been actively skiving from, then just as an act of spite) but Chris instead claimed it was a rewards challenge- much like he does in Greece- because he doesn't want to let Duncan slip away again so soon.

I see no reason to alter the first part of the challenge- the sneaking into Area 51 portion- since team CIRRRRH's course of entry is fairly straightforward. Noah's presence doesn't make much of a difference to how it would play out; the majority of them throw their rocks and run, Owen gets lasered over the fence and Owen-napped, ect ect.

When both teams have managed to make their way into the Black Box Warehouse, Noah immediately suggests they should prioritise rescuing Owen. Tyler's quick to agree, since he's a firm believer in the "no man left behind" mentality (and he probably makes a not-so-subtle jab towards Noah for his chance of tune compared to London, where both he and Owen did leave Tyler behind) leaving Duncan and Alejandro to split from the group- Duncan in search of Gwen, and Alejandro just takes the opportunity to finally be free from his 'incompetent teammates' and prioritises finding an artifact.

Noah and Tyler come across the contraption Owen's trapped in, Tyler punches it in a futile effort to break it open, and the face hugger cube drops into Noah's hands. This is where the point of divergence comes into play; Tyler has his E.T. moment with one of the face huggers, but Noah- who's a tad bit more observant than Alejandro, and used to dodging surprise attacks from his various older siblings (and Izzy)- anticipates his own face hugger attack and promptly starts a game of cat-and-mouse with a taser alien hot on his heels.

The commotion of which attracts the rest of his team. Alejandro and Duncan arrive on the scene to see Tyler being electrocuted by an alien and Noah running in circles evading another.

Duncan attempts to rip the face hugger from Tyler's face, finding success at the cost of sending Tyler trampling into Owen's captive contraption (essentially taking Alejandro's canonical place in this scene) and inadvertently freeing Owen.

Meanwhile, Alejandro swipes up the nearest box he can find and snags the alien chasing Noah, who's still very loudly panicking as he flees, and succeeds! The alien is swiftly captured into the box, netting team CIRRRRH their artifact, and Noah promptly goes careening into the nearest tower of junk in his face hugger-fuelled hysteria. This causes another box to topple from the peak of the tower, landing directly on Noah's head and spilling its contents onto the bookworm- glass vials filled with a mysterious, luminescent cobalt blue liquid shatter into pieces drenching Noah in whatever they contained. (i.e. truth potion.)

Owen has his false-amnesia moment, characterised by his Joker makeover, and Alejandro enacts his revenge post-hypnotic suggestion after being addressed as "Al" one too many times.

Noah, understandably, swiftly objects to Owen's treatment and demands that Alejandro snap him out of it. Alejandro concedes, and Owen's brought back to himself. At least, for a moment, before the fatigue of having his mind messed with sends Owen into near-catatonia (the same as canon), meaning he has to be ferried through the Warehouse and back to the Jet by Alejandro and Duncan.

Things carry on canonically from there; Noah's just sort of there for the most part, though there'd be a minor hint to his newfound proclivity for honesty. Something along the lines of him giving an uncharacteristically honest answer to Owen as to who he's voting- Tyler, of course, since he was the one who ultimately threw the challenge for them... and also because Tyler still holds some resentment towards Noah for what happened in London, and Noah feels guilty about it every time he looks at the jock. Wait, why did he say that?

Sometime between this and the elimination scene, Noah wipes the truth-goop off of himself, but not before the effects have already started.

Tyler's voted out, yada yada yada.

The Jet:

Thus begins the start of "Picnic at Hanging Dork". Team CIRRRRH, consisting of just Alejandro, Duncan, Owen and Noah, are slumming it up in the Economy Cabin. Alejandro tries to rally his team by asking how to break apart Courtney and Heather's tentative co-operation. Owen suggests having Alejandro seduce Heather, since it worked for both Bridgette and Leshawna. Duncan makes his "Babe Olympics" comment. Noah pipes up that playing with someone's feelings is pretty scummy, even for someone competing for a million dollars.

Alejandro takes Noah's reluctance towards his methodology poorly; he hadn't spoken up before, when Alejandro had utilized the same strategy against other girls- and even Owen noticed that, so surely Noah did too- so why was he to outwardly against him using the same tricks? Duncan agrees, and offers ''his'' idea of having Alejandro flirt with Courtney to throw both her and Heather off their games (since Heather has an obvious crush on Alejandro), and things follow canon.

Then, the scene between Alejandro and Courtney happens. Noah scoffs at the display from the side lines, prompting Owen to ask him why he's so against Alejandro's plan.

"I mean, you never said anything before, when he flirted with Bridgette and Leshawna." Owen comments, light-hearted in nature but with an underlying questioning tone.

Noah's eyes flicker with a cobalt glow, easily mistaken for a trick of the light, and he speaks without even thinking.

"Yeah, because I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Bridgette was happenstance, and Leshawna's whole deal could've been a coincidence, or some massive misunderstanding. But this?" Noah extends an accusing hand out towards a smug looking Alejandro, then pans it over to a flattered Courtney, "He's outright toying with Courtney's feelings after she was cheated on in front of an international audience. It's scummy."

Owen nods in understanding, momentary contemplation evident in the pouted curve of his lips, and he chimes in.

"Does that mean you don't like Al?"

"I never said that."

"Well, how do you feel about him, then?"

Again, a flash of blue light against the hickory backdrop of Noah's eyes, and he responds thoughtlessly.

"I guess I have mixed feelings about him. On the one hand, he's slippery, like an eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. He's like if you took all of the worst aspects of Heather, wrapped them up in a pretty package, and gave them social skills..." He holds his hands out before him in a scale-like manner, with the left tipped downwards and tie right raised by his chin. Then, the two hands swap positions.

"And on the other hand, he's brilliant. I've never met anyone as talented as Alejandro; he's smart, he's athletic, he's funny. It's almost unfair just how perfect everything about him is- even his face is perfect. It's ridiculous! Infuriating, even. It's so hard to dislike him, even when I know he's bad news, but that doesn't mean I trust him."

Owen stands slack jawed beside his best friend, both impressed and stunned at the raw honesty of Noah's tirade. Noah, now a little more aware of himself, realises that he's said more than he intended to- more than he thinks he's ever spoken in one go throughout the entirety of Total Drama. He's not usually one for speeches, after all, let alone honest ones.

He's always been the type to play his cards close to his chest, so why...?

"I, uh, didn't mean to go off like that."

And he also didn't mean to admit it, either. What was going on?

The look Owen gives him is, in a word, vivid. The blonde has a shit-eating grin stretching across his face, a sort of elated smugness practically glowing from his features.

"Sounds like someone has a cruuuush!~"

What? No? No! Not at all, where would Owen even get that idea?!

Noah splutters to correct Owen's assumption (to disastrous results, because he does sort-of has a crush on Alejandro, so the truth potion doesn't allow him to outright deny it), and in his preoccupied state he misses how a calculating pair of sage green eyes never seems to stray from him.

Alejandro has a lot to think about in regards to a certain cynic, it seems.

#I'd like to apologise for taking this idea and running with it.#Cutting myself off here before I breach 2k+ words or else I'll be here all day.#Sort of entered actual Writing Mode at the end there instead of Outline Mode but this idea is. So Full Of Potential I couldn't help myself.#But from here it'd basically be Alejandro using his newfound knowledge of Noah's crush on him to his advantage.#Whilst Noah's doing his best (and failing) to deny that he has any feelings for Alejandro.#Eventually leading to the two of them having a Bonding Moment where Alejandro gets Noah to divulge some personal information.#And in turn- or an effort to garner some trust (to be abused later)- Alejandro also lets himself be vulnerable towards Noah.#Something something Alejandro tries to use Noah as a pawn but ends up catching feelings of his own.#Then of course the potion wears off and Noah goes back to being just as prickly and standoffish as he was before.#A point of conflict maybe? Imagine bearing your soul out to someone only for them to close themself off to you not even days afterwards.#...Also imagine being practically forced to divulge information about yourself to someone you don't trust because of a truth potion.#Oh yeah. That's some good angst material right there.#Especially is you have Alejandro be- if not fully aware- than at least suspect that Noah's not being agreeable on his own terms.#Anon why have you given me The Thoughts?? I can't keep brainstorming AUs when I already have fics to work on!!#ophe's ranting in the tags again #total drama #td noah #td alejandro #team chris is really really really really hot #alenoah #-ish #silly ideas #other's ideas #long post #replies #kinda drafty in here (posts from the drafts)

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familyabolisher · 7 months

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an annoying corollary to the whole "self-flagellating for crime of being a customer" thing is when people make perfectly legitimate and polite complaints to me at work and apologise five billion times for doing so like i don't care....

#.txt #lady ordered a med-rare steak that came out med-well #& complained and had it remade -- totally fair! i would too i hate med-well #but omg. she KEPT apologising for the complaint and saying how she hated complaining at restaurants ALL NIGHT #table was vv sweet and nice to me but at a certain point it was just like. God what do u want me to do with this lol?#like if your stuff is cooked wrong we'll refire it and knock some money off your bill and get you a free drink or something #doesn't have to be this whole thing like my feelings are not hurt because a chef fucked something up #also just like now i have to stand here reassuring you that it wasn't a problem for us or the kitchen &c &c and it's just like #okay this is so fucking irritating....

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susansontag · 2 months

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I won’t lie to you all… I’m on a holiday with a friend and it has mostly been lovely but today she was stressed about stuff and likely took it out on me at one point in a way that was really unfair and we did part for a while and I cried. she later said sorry and that I hadn’t done anything wrong so clearly felt bad about it (only after I apologised though, mostly to see if she’d let me get away with taking the blame but she took responsibility herself, which was at least positive) but like it is true that about 5% of the time this friend can be difficult and it’s just hard to manage when it happens

#also I’m sorry but sometimes she is inconsiderate and a bit rude #and at one point today it was especially staggering #bc I’d walked 30 minutes through the 37c heat to get to her #and when I arrived to the street I sat down somewhere a moment and said I needed a minute to recharge bc I felt overheated and dehydrated #she then is like ‘well I’ve been here for a while and kind of want to go right away. you don’t have to come’#like…….. excuse me? can you consider my real needs for a moment?#obviously I don’t want to be left here. I’m sorry but my mother would have kicked me if I’d said that to a friend #anyway she has apologised and it’s fine I just needed to get it out of my system #and quite frankly that wasn’t the main event that was about an hour later when we reunited #but I’ve made my peace she got hot and bothered. I know she cares about me it’s just hard sometimes #it’s also lowkey only child behaviour I’ve known other only children like this lol #moth.txt

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izzy-b-hands · 4 months

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You ever have a day where you feel like you're doing everything wrong, even when you're like. just doing things you normally do. And are alone, so like the only person i could in theory upset/piss off/etc right now is me myself, and Yet the feeling persists

Yeaaaaah. That's today's vibe for me apparently lmao

#text post #it's fine bc i know it's probably just a culmination of a couple different worries that i should be able to address #in the coming days/weeks but all the same #my brain is pinging like no you immediately need to check with everyone you know that you aren't mucking up #but like. if that was the case they'd talk to me and let me know #and i could apologise recognise where/how I've fucked up and change what I'm doing/try to do better #some days i just can't turn off the 'everyone is frustrated with u & feeling worse bc u aren't recognising that u fucked up' feeling #bc sometimes it's true! i missed a cue or didn't properly pick up what was being put down/implied!!#and when i do that it just. kills me 💀#like i know that life does just involve fucking up sometimes and being in the wrong and apologising and doing better #but also oh god i need to know immediately if I've fucked up so i can do better and try to make things right #or as close to right as possible #i need to stop typing tags and get onto the survey sites and into the chores that need doing today #fr tho if i have fucked up recently & any friends on here know/have been nervous to tell me #pls just do. i want to know so i can try not to make the same fuck up again #the anxiety over feeling like I've fucked up something but haven't realised it is ten times worse than #being told i fucked up apologising and figuring out how I'm going to try and make things better #no more tags rn tho!! time to try and get something done!!!

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kindred-spirit-93 · 3 months

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salutations of peace!

welcome to this blog dedicated to the many, many thoughts wondering in the expansive meadows of my inner mind. we have:

fandom rambles

OC galore and random lore dumps

deep life thoughts TM

excerpts of books ill never write

memes, awful puns, wordplay my beloved, rants about anything and everything

music and art and language appreciation

vivid descriptions of things that would put ebony dark'ness dementia raven way to shame

and so much more! my vision for this blog is essentially a scrapbook of sweet wrappers, weird poetry, dried flowers, inexplicable blood drops from untraceable source(s), cute little doodles, coffee stains, all tied together with glitter glue and skull washi tape ^-^

so feel free to sit back with some snacks and watch me as i take apart my mind thought by thought and have epiphanies and shit :)

*:･ﾟ✧ but before all that, a few things:

the name of this blog, Memento Vivere, is latin for remember to live. you may be familiar with its more morbid counterpart, Memento Mori, remember you must die. the reason for this choice of phrase is that due to reasons, i sometimes have to remind myself to stop and live, to really smell the roses, to appreciate my short existence on this spinning rock in space. so this blog will be my escape, my breath of fresh air, my cup of mint earl grey on a rainy january morning.

*:･ﾟ✧ a lil about me lol:

british jordanian gen z hijabi, dont have social anxiety; social anxiety has me lol, sleep deprived, herbal teas, psychiatry

medical student, full time and life long learner, salty snacks are better than sweet treats there i said it, strawberry milk supremacy

chaotic academia aesthetic, cats, existential (and assorted) crises

main @lemedstudent2021 and oc blog @bright-side-of-the-moon feel free to drop by for a chat here there and everywhere ;)

*:･ﾟ✧ general rules and guidelines:

this blog aims to be a safe space for anyone and everyone, leave your prejudices at the door or dont bother coming in :)

youre all welcome to share thoughts and ideas and suggestions, please keep it halal tho (so pg-13 and mild language). in the very least label accordingly so those yet with innocence stay safe

hate and bullying and disrespect in all forms will not be tolerated, bigots and brain dead buffoons will be blocked on sight

that said, for what remains of my sanity; zionists and anti-vaxxers DNI (i will come after you and your essential oils)

if i remember anything ill add it later, for now bring your marshmellows were making s'mores on the dumpsterfire that is life

art by the wonderful @sunshines-child ^-^

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softshuji · 5 months

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Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.

#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting #married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i #said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with #a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive #ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could #talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed #i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man #and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in #front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?”#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love #or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than #they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw #im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down”#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the #kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off #somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it #and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already #and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone #else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit #and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these #decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.

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nostalgia-tblr · 6 months

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does it count as "an adultery kink" if the fascination is only for the very specific dynamic where there's a still-totally-deniable thorki subtext underneath it all?

asking for the many people who have no doubt wondered this.

#yeah i'll just go ahead and post this right after asking about baptism. a sacrament and then a sin you get the FULL RANGE here.#also idk if i just lucked out by finding all the dark jane/loki fic right away or if i've found my mcu people unexpectedly #either is acceptable really #i'd read fic where thor is the one stealing his bro's lover but i feel like he'd just apologise to that lover for having even THOUGHT of it #while other way round seems like it'd effectively be a “buy one prince get a second one free” deal for anyone thor so much as glanced at #my Drafts are full of this sort of shit btw #no wonder arlo guthrie did a 20 minute song about avoiding them!

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not-a-cheese-thief · 1 year

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I swear Sam Seaborn gets more autistic every time I watch the damn show

#also more gay #but thats another matter altogether #my boy is out here answering rhetorical questions #then apologising for it cos hes a sweetie too #and I mean Celestial Navigation!!!#the autism is showing #my dream for if Sam has stayed on the show would be seeing him get home from a long day with lots of meetings #and he has to stim a lot #so hes flapping his arms and reading and rereading some nerdy shit that no one else would think is relaxing #but it's his lil special interest so fuck them #also he has a boyfriend but again im off track #or like sam has a super busy time of it so Josh makes sure Sams office is well stocked with the only 4 foods he will eat #oh my love #sam seaborn #the west wing

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triglycercule · 17 days

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murder time trio come back from killing some guy (me) and dust just pulls out a rainbow cleaning duster and starts dusting himself off. horror questions him. he says it's self care

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arledrone · 1 month

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p5 suou au microwaving in my head thinking about shiho's parents' change of heart eventually lead to katsuya and maya taking her in. hmm. oh i could be so unhinged about this. akechi has shit to Say about this and none of the Phantom Thieves are going to enjoy it because they always strive for the ideal outcome and. well. akechi does not. and i think too much peace so suddenly with her parents would just leave Shiho on edge after so long under their scrutiny anyway.

#p5 suou au #like. imagine living with the same two parents that threw you under the bus #just because they had a forced change of heart #you still vividly remember how they've hurt and wronged you #they've apologised and expressed remorse and Everything #so now everything is meant to be all hunky dory and whatever #[akechi voice] that is bullshit the best thing you guys can do for each other is Cut Those Fucking Ties!!!!!!!#idk i just think of the mementos quest where you help futaba's online friend #when her parents are basically sex trafficking her or whatever?#and idc how much a change of heart someone could have #sometimes it's best to just leave it at that and then Never Fucking Engage With Them Again #the obligation to is ultimately dissolved #and in Shiho's case? yeah. yeah i just think something like that happening and being the real result of her parents change of heart.#i have a lot of thoughts on this #mostly bc i think the dynamic between shiho and akechi could be very interesting.#something something ''do you actually want to bother wasting your time with family that already betrayed you''#''do you think haru here is cordial with me because she wants to be no it's because it's an occupational hazard now''#''could you all cut the hallmark movie shit. holy fuck.''#they already ruined their relationship with shiho and #if shiho isn't AWARE of the thieves doing this for her the change of heart would be disconcerting anyway and she'd STILL be on her toes #around them!!! tell me she wouldn't!!!#not to mention katsuya and maya would be out for their blood anyway #i do also think ryuji would have a thing or two to say about this #given his own shitty dad #dude would NOT want him back in his life just because he made amends or whatever #get that boku no academia endeavour shit outta hereeeeee

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wild-at-mind · 8 months

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In all seriousness, when I was in my 20s I spent way too much time reading tumblr and trying to figure out the right opinions to have on everything. It was pretty soul destroying now that I look back.

#although the people i consider my people (leftists and the left leaning) are always turning on people for slight disagreements #so i guess it was self preservation in a way #luckily i basically never posted back then only read #the truth is a lot of the disagreeing and fucking infighting on the left is internet sickness #and a lot of people who seem to know what they are talking about on here are actually talking out of their ass- seriously.#they don't need to know what they are talking about because everyone reading knows even less #my criteria for which leftists i respect is 'can they handle a slight disagreement with someone broadly on their side-#do they engage in good faith or do they mock and belittle?'#and i understand anyone on here with over a certain amount of folllowers who talks about politics will get bait and bad faith asks and stuf #i'm not saying you have to engage with bait in good faith!#just the real stuff.#i kind of regret this now but i engaged on a post that was using the word liberal in the coloquial (meaningless) tumblr way #that was when someone i followed (unfollowed now) apologised to the op of the post for my dumb idiocy- i was like ohhhhh #and then the op of the post responded to me like 'i'm using the true definition of liberal! which is: [really confusing explanation]'#the truth is there is no one definition because the left and right use it differently #when the right says liberal in a derogatory way they don't mean 'not those further left people though! they are really respectable + cool'#nah they mean the further left also #the point is the term liberal has no set meaning- it changes with context and no one bothers providing the context #i will stop now this is too rambly even for me

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fiepige · 1 year

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Ummm uhhh umm

Diane seeing Venom!Hobie and being so terrified she's shaking but she's saying "It's okay, I'm not afraid. you won't hurt me. you would never hurt me" cause it's still Hobie

And she tries to risk give him a hug even though she's flinching every time he moves - so she hugs Venom!Hobie cause in her head showing him love will make alright.

And she presses her head to his chest to hear his heartbeat and she tells herself that's still Hobies heart in there and she asks if he can hear her

And Venom!Hobie starts making a gutteral sound and she gets scared but doesn't pull away. But he's making this sound and she can't understand what it is until finally he croaks out the word 'Daiquri' cause that's what he calls her and she starts sobbing.

:) bye *leaves* *you hear my screaming from the next room as I exit*

😭😭😭💜💔💜 AAAAAHHHHH!!!! (<---- This is me right now omg!)

SERIOUSLY!!! Thank you for sending me this it's been playing on repeat in my mind ever since I read it!!! <3<3<3

This is SO GOOD! The ANGST!! But it's also so sweet!?! THIS IS THE KINDA STUFF I LIVE FOR!!!!

Diane reaching out despite being terrified! Trying to see past the monstrous exterior cause the guy she loves is in there somewhere!!

Venom!Hobie snarling at her as she approaches cause he doesn't recognise her at first! Yet he still lets her touch him cause something inside him tells him he can trust her!

Diane hugging Venom!Hobie!! (And him hugging her back? Almost digging his claws into her, both of them unsure if he'll hurt her at first cause the symbiote does STUFF to his brain but then she calls out to him and he recognises her!😭💜💔

Diane hearing his heartbeat slow down as she calms him down!! Him calling her by her nickname to let her know he's still there!!! Seriously I can't!!!!!!!!!!😭😭😭

ALSO! DON'T APOLOGISE FOR THIS!!!!!!! Seriously this made my day <3<3<3 The Brainrot is REAL and I'm so happy to see other people have it too!!! Like you can't imagine how happy it makes me when people talk to me about Venom!Hobie!!!!

And having your OC interact with him?!? The biggest honour!!! 💜💜💜 AAAHH I can't! *You hear me screaming back from this room as I write this*

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shadowedvales · 3 months

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jane does not accept sara hopper’s hair tie as a gift from jim, and not once does she wear it around her wrist. people often get the impression that because of her sheltered upbringing, jane is dumb, but she’s really, really not. once she finds out about sara, about how jim lost her, she would come to understand that’s why he was so protective of her in the cabin, why it became toxic and overbearing. she doesn’t excuse his behaviour, but she does understand it. and she understands that he was projecting his dead daughter onto her. after she’s recovered from closing the gate, and he offers the hair tie, she gently places it back into his hand, and says “i am janessa. not sara.” it’s important she start growing into her own person, that she stops wearing hand-me-downs and that she definitely does not wear something his biological child owned. jane asks about sara a lot because she wants to get to know her in her own way, she wants to see photographs and hear stories, but she does not ever want to be her. jim is not her father, jane is not his daughter. they both come from broken, fragile families, and have made a new one with each other, but should not be replacing the ones they’ve lost.

#study. come my darling homeward bound.#and on the note of her understanding his behaviour.#it CERTAINLY doesn’t excuse him threatening to send her back to the lab.#and she never fully gets over that. and can never completely trust him.#he does apologise afterwards for it and she accepts it. but it always taints their relationship.#she loves him very much. but that’s the moment she knows she’ll never look to him as a father.#whether hopper would even give this to jane is a constant conflict for me.#because on one hand i can see it. on another i definitely can’t.#also don’t get me wrong. i think jim and jane did have the potential of a great relationship. but it didn’t get the chance to grow much #post s2 because they made jim such an asshole. makes me mad.#like the scene where they’re cleaning up the cabin?? one of my FAVOURITE MOMENTS.#jim taking his hat off for jane out of respect for her when he finds her??? MAKES ME MELT EVERY TIME.#been on this new blog for like three days and i’m already back into changing my canon.#just when i think i have nothing left to change.#HERE WE ARE.

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nerdie-faerie · 4 months

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Bout to test this public WiFi

#summer camp tag #travel tag #ace is a mess #its giving old hprp ace vibes :/ returning to our roots while sleep deprived #i do apologise for audio quality but also not cus im talking to myself in public so this is as good as it gets #but yeah. gonna go be a health centre assistant at american summer camp cus i wanted medical/child care related work experience #as if i didnt have a panic attack a couple months ago trying out a new supermarket #now gonna pretend i can be trusted to go to another country when i hate flying and trying new things #but told myself i had to try doing more things that scare me so 🤷‍♀️ here we are i guess #i do apologise if this makes no sense i cannot follow a logic conversation structure at the best of times let alone when my head is so fuzzy #im actually freaking out about this flight and the whole immigration thing though like i have a layover #so do i go through immigration at my first american airport or the second when i reach my destination? whats security like?#ive only ever done internal uk flights and ooh stressed what if they ask me something and i say the wrong thing?#i have snacks in my bag but the thought of eating right now makes me nauseous am i even allowed to keep them in my carryon?

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stevebabey · 1 year

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hi ruby darlin i had. my first Proper Drink tonite and am WILDLY affectionate and i need you to know i ADOREEEEE you <3 we're not mutuals but every time i see you post im like YEAHHHHH YOU GO BABE YOU BLOG THAT SHIT im delighted to see you <3 idk you have good vibes and i really admire your writing and your blog feels like fresh baked bread with GOURMET cheeese its incredible. im so sorry if this is babbly im a little out of it rn hjfkhj ok love you wishing you a WONDERFUL... i think its day there rn. mwah mwah

↑ literally me reading this while still at work….

BABEYYYYY THIS MIGHT BE THE MOST PRECIOUS ASK IVE EVER HAD THE HONOUR OF RECEIVING OH MY GOD???? oh my god. oh my GAWD 😭

firstly i luv that ur out here on the drinks- what’s on the menu? i dearly hope it’s something delicious like margaritas i LOVE those YUM ! also i can’t believe u would do this to me. u deliver me the most heart-wrenching perfect compliment— COMPARING ME GO CHEESE!!! KISS ME ON THE LIPS!!!!

i’m v fuckin glad that you think i’ve got the good vibes :’) and u enjoy my writing!!! and my sillay lil blog!! enough to come tell me 🥹 it is day here & u know what, it’s a fuckin good day having received this <3 enjoy ur night bub, stay safe & drink water and oh what’s this? nay…it can’t be…it’s a million mwahs….coming right for u….

#MWAHMWHAMHWAMHWAMHWAMAH #god that just looks like manicial laughter #it’s ok u get the vibes #ur like my cat and i just demolishing u with mwahs #U ADORE ME? i’m melting thru the floorboards. ruby (melted version)#we don’t have 2 be mutuals but if i reblog a ‘mutuals are my besties’ just know i’m talkin bout u too #fresh baked bread…. christ #i will be thinking bout this for months #also apologising ? get out of here #GIDHDJQNFICUENRNEHHE #yanno #i’m so regular bout this #ruby talks #asks #answered #anon #save & fave

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queerstudiesnatural · 2 years

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i feel like i just lost my one remaining irl friend. it's silly because she's still here and we didn't have a fight or anything but. we just ran into each other when i was coming home from work and she was going out on a date. she told me i looked like a zombie, i didn't even know she was dating. and not just dating some random guy, but she has a boyfriend. which made me realise that i haven't talked to her in a long time. we briefly saw each other once for a music thing two weeks ago, and then before that the last time we hung was a month and a half ago. and we used to always be together and i knew everything about her life and suddenly she's a stranger. it was like running into someone i was friends with in middle school except she's my best friend and a month ago we were still inseparable. and now she has a boyfriend, which was a slap in the face for so many reasons. first of all we're gonna see even less of each other now. second of all i know i haven't met the guy and i shouldn't judge him without knowing him, but i know he's 11 years older than her so already i'm not a fan. not sure i'm gonna wanna hang out with them together. it's gonna take some time for me to adjust to that. but mostly i was just so taken aback because she didn't tell me. she never told me she was seeing someone. which, given that she greeted me with "dude you look like a zombie 🥴", i get. apparently i look just as bad as i feel. i hadn't realised that. i mean i know i look bad, but i didn't think it was that noticeable to other people. i must be terrible company too, i know i speak slowly and i'm too tired to go out and i'm just no fun really.

i just feel so isolated. i don't have any friends. it just hit me. everyone around me is either pulling away from me, or i pulled away from them without realising, or they're going through their own crap and in no better shape than i am. my work friend is off work because she just lost her father. my mother is as depressed as i am. my best friends rn are my grandparents, they're the only people i still see/call regularly. and even then, my grandma just turned 80 this weekend and my grandpa is 81, and they're losing their health and they're scared and so am i. i have no one to lean on and i can't let anyone lean on me because i'll collapse.

#sorry to be such a downer #i'm not trying to be i'm just kinda looking at myself with curiosity like huh. i've never been more alone.#also i've been dissociating and gaslighting myself #i think i have several disorders happening at once and i switch between them like i'm two or more different people #mostly the depression and autism #rn i feel depressed but i feel very present in myself but very detached from the me who went to a neuropsychologist last week to ask for an #asd diagnosis #i don't feel autistic even though i remember the me from last week and that me was autistic #rn i feel like nothing. i feel fine except i don't feel like a person. i don't feel like i have a developmental disorder #i don't feel like a part of society at all i can't get out of my head #i can't even feel my body or think about situations im just sitting here. i can hear a clock. i can see my phone and my leg. that's about it #i feel so numb both physically and mentally i don't even feel distressed anymore rn i'm just like. i'm just here #rain.stuff #this is probably all over the place i apologise i seem to be having a difficult time existing at the moment #not sure i'm very tethered to this plane of existence i feel like i might flicker out of the physical realm any minute

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