#also hi I accidentally had another hiatus

[horridcassette]

we're going to have a third official live album!!!

[pumpkinologists]

Missing You

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Spencer misses you and will do anything to distract himself from the feeling

Warnings: Smut, Phone sex (kinda), Self pleasuring

Notes: Here's a little something to kick off the end of my accidental year hiatus!

Crossposted on Ao3

Enjoy!

Spencer was tired. He was tired of being away from you for so long, and all he wanted was to be wrapped up in bed with you, watching some stupid show that was way too predictable. He missed your body heat against him and the way you sometimes mumbled in your sleep. 

The hotel room he stayed in seemed so cold and empty, no matter how much he turned up the space heater. The sheets of bed wrapped around his body; usually he wouldn’t even touch the sheets, but right now, he was utterly frigid. He was so cold, infact, that he swore he could feel his toes going numb. He wished you were there to warm him up. But you weren't. 

He was on the opposite side of the country from you, and you couldn’t take it right now. So, instead of randomly calling you, he texted you like a madman. He sent you text after text about how much he missed you and how much he just wished he could call you right now. He wanted to talk to you about the case he had just finished in person or over the phone, whichever came first, but really he just wanted to talk to you. He didn’t want to send measly texts anymore, and he wanted to see your face. But it was two in the morning, and he knew you probably wouldn’t respond.

Until you did. His face lit up when he got the notification; his expectations for your response were low, but he responded immediately after, and you did the same. Spencer was overjoyed that you had responded; he didn’t even stop to think about why you were awake. When he got your text asking him if he wanted to call, he couldn’t even respond before your caller ID screen popped up on his phone. 

 “Hi.” A wide grin was spread across your dimly lit face. “Hi.” If even possible, Spencer's grin was even wider than yours, and his heart pounded at the sight of your face alone. He couldn’t believe the beauty on the other end of the line was actually his girlfriend. He sat in silence, something he didn’t do often around you, and simply stared at the face he wished to hold. 

“What are you doing right now?” You started, snapping him out of his trance, “Oh! Uh, well, I was just thinking about you and also freezing my toes off.” You snorted and laughed, a longing look crossing your face.

“I miss you. Like a  lot." He sighed and nodded along to your words, “I miss you too. I can’t stop thinking about you.” Spencer could have sworn the room had gone up a few notches in temperature when he answered your call, but it still wasn’t nearly the same as when you next called him. 

“I miss you too. I wish I had teleportation powers or just a really fast method of transport.” He rambled, trying to get the dreadful, yearning feeling to leave his brain. His stomach was like a pit; he felt empty without your presence. Typically, cases would be done in a couple of days, but this particular one was stale and had just been finished, so he was gone longer than usual. 

He heard your sigh come from his phone. “I do too. I think that you should invent it; y'know, you probably could if you thought about it long enough.” Spencer loved when you added to his thoughts, even when his thoughts were just rambling. “Well, maybe I could think of it, but it would probably be really hard to get it passed and actually put into use.” 

You chuckled. “You don’t have to get it passed; you can just use it yourself. Besides, I think your jet is fast enough as it is; any faster and the force might make your face melt.” Spencer shrugged and nodded, looking around his room, searching for another distraction rather than talking. He hated this feeling so much that he considered leaving his room to get away.

“Hey, Spence Are you okay?” He looked at his phone; your eyebrows were furrowed, and concern spread thickly across your face. “I just miss you so much. Its like theres a huge, you-shaped hole in my chest.” He saw you frown as you thought of what to say: “I miss you too. Is there anything I can do other than talk to distract you?” 

He swallowed thickly and thought, “I’m not sure. Nothing really comes to mind. I mean, I could play online chess, but that wouldn't help. Or maybe I could.” Spencer was cut off by your words, “Or you could touch yourself.” 

It was a matter-of-fact statement. You had no doubts in your voice; it was a real suggestion. Spencer couldn't believe how forward you were. His mouth stayed agape as he stared at his phone. It wasn’t necessarily a bad idea, and it was actually a pretty good one, but he just wasn’t sure. 

“I could. But I think there might be someone in the room next to mine. I could get a noise complaint if I’m too loud.” He saw your eyes move in thought. “I don’t think so. Besides, you can just stay a little quieter than usual.” Spencer nodded in agreement and gulped. 

“It won’t be the same without you.” He pouted, and his hand reached to grab himself over his trousers. You smiled as you listened to him talk; you could hear the ruffle of his pants on the other side. “It’s not your soft hand or your mouth, for that matter.” He let out a small whimper as his hand traced the outline of his hardening cock. 

Spencer's voice grew higher, his heart starting to race. “I wish I could see your face in person; the real thing is so much better.” His voice was shaky, and his eyes squinted as they looked at you. His hand was now completely in his pants, and on his underwear formed a small wet patch of his pre-cum. 

His hand was fully wrapped around himself as he now slowly moved his hand up and down, not enough to fully stimulate himself but enough for him to take it slow. Spencer loved slow. He didn’t like rough and fast, but he loved gentle and slow more than anything. 

“I want to kiss you so bad,” he heard you say. Frankly, he forgot that you were also able to speak; he was more focused on your face, forgetting that it was actually a call and not just a picture, and when he heard your voice, he grew impossibly harder. “Keep talking, please.” 

You smiled and let out a breath. “You’re so cute when you’re touching yourself, y’know?” Spencer groaned, his naked cock hitting the cold air. Spencer had forgotten how cold he was in the beginning, but right now it feels so good on his blushing, hot skin. He whined, his lip in between his teeth, and he tried to stay as quiet as possible.  

“God, I need you so bad.” His voice was only a little above a whisper, and his voice was whiny. “I know, Spence; you’ll see me tomorrow.” He frowned and made a noise in frustration. “But it’s not the same; I want to see you now.”  

His hand continued to stroke leisurely, but he needed something more. He let go of his cock, raised his hand up to his mouth, and spit on it. The spit dripped onto him, and he whimpered in pleasure. “It feels so good.” You nodded and smirked. “I know, keep going,” you said, nodding with a pout on your face. “I just wish it was you doing this instead of me. You’re so much better at it.” 

The pout on his face soon dissolved into a look of pure pleasure as he rubbed his hand on the head of his cock. His mouth dropped open, and a moan slipped out. It wasn’t very loud, yet he still cut himself off by biting his lip. 

“You can make noise,” you said. He shook his head, still focused on his pleasure. “It’s embarrassing if they hear,” you pouted, “but I want you too.” It was whiny and persuasive. “Okay. Just a little.” You smiled at his response. 

Spencer's moans continued to fill the room, and the pace of his hand continued to get faster. He was getting close, and you knew it. “What are you imagining?" You decide to ask with genuine curiosity. “You.” He said it dumbly. "Yes, but what exactly?” He whined and spoke, “Your mouth.” He paused to let out another pleasured sound, “on my cock.” 

You giggled at his response and continued to watch the way his face twisted in rapture. He was close now; he spit on his hand again and stroked himself even faster than before. “I’m so close,” he muttered into the air. “You got it; keep going.” You encouraged him charmingly. With that, his breath hitched, and a loud moan left his mouth, followed by a cacophony of strung-out swears and noises. 

His panting was fast and in tune with the beating of his heart. Coming down from his high was always an amazing yet disappointing feeling. He swallowed the drool that pooled in his mouth and looked down at the phone screen. “I suppose I should clean myself up now.” He was still breathless. 

“I suppose you should.” You agreed. He rubbed his face with his now-free hand, the cum that was spattered all over his stomach somehow completely avoided it. “Did that help?” You asked, hopefully. “As much as I hate to say it, I really think that just made me miss you even more.” 

[louisupdates]

With the first quarter of the 21st century coming to an end, Billboard has been looking back on the 25 Greatest Pop Stars of the Past 25 Years. Below, we take a deeper look into the solo career of Louis Tomlinson — one of the members of our No. 22 pop stars, One Direction — and how his songwriting, originally honed in 1D, has helped him develop into one of the group’s strongest breakout artists.

When One Direction officially went on hiatus in 2015, Zayn Malik dropped Mind of Mine in 2016, Harry Styles’ eponymous LP dropped in 2017, Niall Horan followed with Flicker later that year and Liam Payne’s First Time EP arrived in 2018. Louis Tomlinson, however, took his time with releasing a full project – and entered an era of healing and self-discovery that saw him realizing his potential as one of 1D’s most self-actualized artists, even if not necessarily the starriest.

Even before going solo, Tomlinson showed he was meant for breakthrough success while in One Direction. Longtime Directioners know that Tomlinson wrote more songs in One Direction than any other member, penning long standing hits including “Perfect,” “History” and “Fool’s Gold” and proving his fortitude as a songwriter who understands lyrical cleverness and crafting the indescribably catchy refrains necessary to produce arena-ready hits. Beyond his musical abilities, Tomlinson’s sense of humor and friendship with fellow 1D members also ensured fans had a soft spot for him.

However, when he did go solo, the road was slippery at first. He teamed up with Steve Aoki for his first solo release “Just Hold On” in December 2016, and just three days before its release, Tomlinson’s mother died of leukemia. He still took the stage to perform the song on The X Factor, the first public testament to the star’s strength and dedication to his musical craft.

Tomlinson’s resilience amid adversity continued as he navigated the music industry. The star signed with Epic Records in 2017 and released a few singles – including “Miss You” and the Bebe Rexha and Digital Farm Animals-assisted “Back to You.” While the infectious hooks to both tracks could have easily solidified Tomlinson as a pop mainstay, the two singles didn’t perform as well as expected on the charts: “Just Hold On” peaked at No. 52 on the Billboard Hot 100 and “Back to You” hit No. 40, while “Miss You” missed the chart altogether. Ultimately, a full-length album never materialized with Epic Records.

Tomlinson shortly got back on his feet, as he always does, and signed with Arista Records in 2019 – where he honed his talent as a songwriter, this time feeling comfortable enough to tackle more vulnerable topics in his music. His first release under the label was “Two of Us,” a heart-wrenching tribute to his late mother. “I know you’ll be looking down/ Swear I’m gonna make you proud/ I’ll be living one life for the two of us,” he sings in the chorus, giving a glimpse into what would soon become a musical career full of honesty and vulnerability.

Unfortunately, shortly after its release, another hardship struck Tomlinson’s life when his 18-year-old sister Fizzy died of an accidental overdose. Both the release of “Two of Us” and the tragedy that followed showed just how close Tomlinson’s community of fans is, as they showered him with online love and support in the months that followed.

After taking some much-deserved time to heal, he announced in August of that year that his debut solo album was on its way – and shortly after, he released a follow-up single, the rock-leaning, drumline-driven “Kill My Mind.” Tomlinson admitted that he finally found his stride. “I’m actually really proud and relieved to finally find my place, find my lane musically,” he told Hits Radio Breakfast at the time, indicating a moment of relief amid his turbulent few years.

Tomlinson’s debut solo album, Walls, arrived in January 2020 and while it hit the Billboard 200‘s top 10, it was met with mixed reviews from critics, who suggested that the heart he wanted to portray wasn’t quite there. His growth outside of commercial success proved otherwise, as he had been spending the past few years building a solid identity not only as an artist, but also as a person. While some of the other One Direction alums are still finding their footing with their solo sounds to this day, Tomlinson grew strongly into an instrumentation-focused pop-rock artist whose lyrics go beyond the cookie cutter sentiments you might expect from a former boy band member.

And soon, all the hard work – both personally and musically – finally paid off. Faith in the Future, his 2022 sophomore solo album, debuted at No. 1 on the Official U.K. Albums Chart. In the United States, Faith In The Future debuted at No. 2 on Billboard’s Top Album Sales chart, and at No. 5 on the all-genre Billboard 200, his highest-charting set yet on both tallies. The album’s success, as well his sold-out live shows on its accompanying tour, not only showed the still-standing Directioner devotion to Tomlinson, but also made it clear that he picked up a slew of new fans along the way.

Tomlinson’s self-awareness was evident on the album’s lead single, “Bigger Than Me.” “When somebody told me I would change/ I was afraid, I don’t know why/ ‘Cause so does the world outside, I’ve realized/ It’s bigger than me,” he sings – indicating that the key for solo success all along was being himself, and letting go of the pressure that fame brings.

While Tomlinson has still yet to score the major chart hits stateside that his 1D bandmates essentially achieved right away – and has been more focused on his 28 clothing line the past couple years – he’s proven that he doesn’t need traditional pop crossover success to have a bright future ahead of him. With another couple albums and tours that continue to establish his identity and expand his artistry, it wouldn’t be shocking to see him making the jump to arenas in the not-distant future. Louis’ solo career may not have gotten off to the perfect start, but it just might end up being perfect for him in the long-term anyway.

[1-imaginary-girl]

Annoying

Five Hargreeves x Reader

Summary: It’s no secret Five finds you annoying. In fact, he frequently tells you this. Maybe he even goes too far. But when someone else insults you, Five realizes that only he’s allowed to do that. Reader is gender neutral.

Warnings: Hurtful comments said to the reader

Word Count: 3500

A/N: I’m alive! So long story short, I lost the motivation to write for a while which caused my spontaneous hiatus. I honestly wasn’t sure if I would post anything again. But then, I rediscovered comfort in writing, especially when it’s about my best boys. 

My posting from now on may be a bit sporadic as I’m back in school but I do intend to keep posting.

Anyway, here’s my favourite grumpy boy as a treat!

Five Hargreeves had gotten used to working at the Commission. He still hated every second of it: the job, the people, the killings. But he had adapted, just like he had in the apocalypse, and had fallen into a familiar routine that made the situation easier to swallow. He had finally accepted his job and made peace with it. That is, until you came along.

You also work at the Commission as a field agent and until recently, Five didn’t even know of your existence. Then one day, you came into his office and tried to chat with him. He was bewildered of course and told you to get the hell out of his face. But his rude words didn’t deter you. Instead, you asked him if he wanted to be your partner in the field. Again, Five was shocked and told you absolutely not. Unfortunately, you don’t seem to take no as an answer.

Every day since then, you kept popping into his life. Every day you would make nice with him, do him favours, and were overall friendly with him. Every day, he offered you nothing but a cold shoulder. Every day you asked him to be your partner and every day he told you no.

It was extremely aggravating to say the least. He tried to report you to the Handler but she told him you were doing nothing wrong. She even made some suggestive comments that made Five regret ever going to her for help. So he was on his own.

Except none of his usual moves worked. You never shied away from his negative presence. If he blinked away, you would somehow find him again. There seemed to be no way to remove you from his life.

He’s sitting in his office working when he hears a sound he has come to dread. “Knock knock,” you say as you open his door, not waiting for a response. He once asked you, “What if I was doing something private?” but that only made him flush at the accidental implication and you laughed.

“Not now,” he mumbles, not taking his eyes off his work.

“Yes now,” you say, entering the room and taking a seat on the other side of his desk. He doesn’t know why he hasn’t just removed the chair since the only person who ever used it was you. “I brought you coffee!”

This causes him to glance up, only a little, and what a mistake that turns out to be. There you sit, a beaming smile spread across your face. Your eyes tend to light up when you smile, bringing attention to how stunning they are. Thoughts like these make him feel queasy, at least that’s what he’s deeming it to be. His face also tends to heat up and his breathing acts funny. He’s considered a few times that he was sick, but every test indicated otherwise.

This is another thing that bothers him so much about you. You bring unknown feelings that Five has never experienced before, and he hates feelings, let alone unfamiliar ones.

“The answer is still, and always will be, no,” he says blankly, his eyes focused on his computer but he isn’t paying attention to what’s on the screen.

“But I haven’t even said my pitch yet!” you complain. Without looking, he knows you’re looking at him with big puppy dog eyes. He would never admit, even to himself, that they affect him. “I think today’s speech is much better—”

“Doesn’t matter, still a no.”

You ignore him and clear your throat. “As your partner—”

“Stop.”

“I would bring you freshly made coffee every morning, just the way you like it,” you continue. He decides to stop talking to you altogether. With concentration, he’s able to read the words on the screen and continue typing. “You can still take lead on the missions, though you’ll find I’m fairly skilled on the field. This will also reduce the danger of getting hurt, and if one of us does get hurt, the other can patch them up.”

It is a pain to tend to my own wounds, Five thinks before mentally berating himself. He’s supposed to be ignoring you. And besides, he’s been taking care of himself for years, he’s used to the difficulties by now.

“Another bonus, is that with me as your partner, the Handler won’t be on you as much,” you say, and despite himself, he listens. “She’ll know that someone else has their eyes on you, and with my reputation, she’ll trust me with it.”

Now that actually sounds desirable. The Handler is always checking in on him and keeping a watchful eye on his actions. She knows he’s a good agent, he’s proved that by now, but she still worries that he might betray them. This makes him a loose canon in her eyes. Plus, with her attention elsewhere he’ll be able to make more progress on his secret project to return to his family—

Stop it, he tells himself. This is exactly what you want. You actually have him considering the possibility of becoming partners. The more your voice fills his ears and the more he thinks about what it would mean to have you as a partner, the more his face starts to burn.

He can feel himself losing control over his emotions and he panics. Clearly, ignoring you is not the solution.

“That’s enough!” he yells, causing you to pause mid-sentence. He looks over at you to see your wide eyes staring at him. For the first time, he sees a crack in your positive shield. He continues. “God, just stop already. I am so sick and tired of you groveling at my feet, it is so annoying. Why won’t you get this through your head? I am never partnering with anyone, especially not with you! So for the last time, leave me alone!”

A deadly silence fills the room. Five is panting from his outburst and when his anger recedes, he finds he’s shocked at himself. He’s never had an outburst like that, never yelled like that before. Sure he gets angry and frustrated all of the time, but he hardly ever yells and his words are never that venomous. He just got so riled up with his emotions…

You also seem shocked. You try to cover it up, but he can still tell. You seem unsure of what to say and your usual peppiness seems to have vanished as well. Five isn’t sure how to feel. He also isn’t sure of what to do.

You then clear your throat. “Well then,” you say, trying to piece yourself together. “You seem busy so I should go.” You grin but its wobbly and it doesn’t meet your eyes. And despite himself, he feels sorry. You wordlessly stand up and exit his office.

The silence remains and Five is left frozen. After a moment, he shakes his head and tries to feel unbothered by what just happened.

†††

A few hours have passed since his conversation with you, and Five is out of coffee. He blinks to the Commission’s break room but then he sees you there. You’re standing at the counter with your back to him and in a moment of panic, he blinks to behind a wall just around the corner from the break room.  

He curses silently. He can’t believe that he’s hiding from you after earlier. Maybe he just doesn’t want to deal with your emotions. Or maybe he’s hiding from his own.

He’s about to just toughen up and deal with it when he hears someone else entering the room. “Y/N, how nice to see you,” he hears someone say. He looks to see a woman approaching you. Five thinks he’s seen her around but doesn’t recognize her. He’s tried not to make friends here or fill his mind with useless information. This means he only knows a few people including you and the Handler.

“Cassandra,” he hears you say in a bitter tone. He frowns. He’s never heard you speak like that.

“How have you been?” Cassandra asks and Five doesn’t know why, but she sounds ingenuine despite her cheery tone. He also suspects her smile to be too friendly.

“Fine.” You don’t even look over at her as you continue whatever you were doing at the counter. It isn’t like you to be short with people, and Five wonders if it’s because of what he said.

“I heard you got in trouble with the Handler this morning,” Cassandra says. Oh shit, Five thinks. He isn’t sure if that happened before or after he yelled at you but either way, he doesn’t envy your morning.

“Yup,” is your only response. Cassandra doesn’t seem satisfied by your response. She walks over and leans against the counter next to you.

“That must have been awful. I hope she doesn’t fire you soon,” she says with false concern. You still don’t glance her way. You simply nod your head absentmindedly as your focus remains locked on the kettle in front of you, waiting for the water to boil. Cassandra just keeps talking. “Are you still bugging Agent Five about being his partner?”

Five’s ears begin to burn as the conversation steers towards him. Now more than ever, he thinks he should leave this private conversation, but his feet remain glued to the floor. What does he care? he tries to tell himself, but it doesn’t work.

He watches as you grip the counter tightly. Unfortunately, Cassandra also seems to notice and she takes that as an answer. “Aw you poor thing,” she says, putting her hand on your shoulder only for you to shrug it off.

“Look Cassandra,” you say, your voice filled with agitation. “I’ve had a really bad day, if you could just—”

“I can only imagine,” the woman says, and Five is starting to really dislike her. “It must be hard, getting rejected day after day. I’m surprised you haven’t given up.”

“Fuck it.” You push yourself off the counter. You turn around and Five ducks back around the corner. “I’ll come back later.”

There’s a moment of silence before, “Do you know why he keeps rejecting you?” Five risks a glance to see that you’ve turned back around.

“What?” you say, surprised by the question.

“It’s the same reason why all of the others rejected you,” she says, which takes Five by surprise. He didn’t know there were others. An illogical flare of jealousy rises in him before he stomps it out.

“You’re annoying,” she says, her tone one of false sympathy. “No one wants to be around you. You come on way too strong and, sweetie, you reek of desperation.”

“S-stop,” you say, in shock but also seemingly hit by a bullet of emotions. Even Five is surprised.

“You’re just a nuisance,” Cassandra says. “A pest that no one can get rid of. That’s why you’ve never found a partner and that’s why you never will. I mean, who could like you let alone stand you?”

“Cassandra…” you say and Five can hear the quiver in your voice. He doesn’t know why, but the sound makes his chest tighten.

“Face it, Y/N,” she says, now standing right in front of you. “You were always meant to be alone.” Finally, Five can’t take it anymore. He walks out from around the corner and glares at Cassandra. He finds himself loathing her. Only he is allowed to call you annoying.

Cassandra glances past you and looks surprised to see him there. Just like that, she has on her friendly looking face again. “Oh hey there Fi—” she starts to say to him.

“Get out,” he spits at her. Her eyes widen at his venomous tone but decides to listen, scurrying away. It’s nice to see his fearful reputation precedes him. There’s a silence that settles in the room once she’s left. You seem to be frozen in place, not even turning to face him. He isn’t sure what to do himself, whether to somehow approach you or to ignore you entirely.

Luckily, his decision is made for him as you wordlessly walk back up to the counter towards the kettle. Five clears his throat, trying to rid himself of this awkward feeling, and walks up beside you.

He doesn’t address you, after all he normally isn’t the one to start the conversation. Which is why it’s so odd when you don’t. The two of you move about silently, completing your individual tasks. He finds he can’t even look at you, for the downtrodden look on your face still inflicts pain upon him. Finally, after an agonizing amount of time, you speak.

“Five,” you say, also clearing your throat. “I, uh, I have some good news for you.”

He sees that you’re trying to plaster on your usual happy appearance but it’s broken and he can see right through it.

He expects you to say something along the lines of “I forgive you for earlier” or “I made you some coffee.” He expects you to forgive him and act as normal. He did not, however, expect your actual words.

“I will no longer be bothering you with my presence.” Normally, these words would send him jumping for joy. After all, this is what he’s been wanting. But after the conversation he overheard, something gave him pause.

“Oh?” he says, at a loss for words as he is caught off guard.

“Yeah,” you say with a forced smile. “I’ve realized that I haven’t been respecting your feelings, as you have made it more than clear that you don’t want me as a partner and that you never will.”

He hears your voice crack towards the end and he can’t help but compare your words to Cassandra’s. “Yes I uh…I appreciate that,” he says, hesitant with his words. He isn’t sure what to make of all of this.        

“Right,” you say, straightening yourself. You pick up your mug and turn to fully face him. He tries to ignore the shine of incoming tears in your eyes. “See you around. And uh, sorry for bothering you.”

Before he can say anything else, you turn and exit the room, leaving Five in a state of uncertainty.

†††

When Five walks into work the next morning, he’s not on edge like he usually is. He normally expects you to greet him on his way to his office, but there’s no sight of you. After Five recovered from his shock, he decided he should be happy about the situation. Sure, he didn’t want you to get hurt, but he got what he wanted.

He settles into his office and gets to work. He reaches to take a sip of his coffee when he realizes there’s nothing there. Oh, right. You normally got his morning coffees for him. Not a big deal, he thinks. If anything, this shows what a nuisance you had been for changing his routine.

Throughout the next couple of days, he starts to realize what an impact you had made on him. For one, the coffee doesn’t taste as good, which is odd. Then he noticed his plant started to die. Five didn’t even know he had a plant. He got rid of it and suddenly felt that his office was colder. He knows it’s illogical, but he didn’t realize how it brightened the room.

And most of all, he found his normal routine to be rather dull. Normally, you would interrupt his work and give a small relief to the boring workload. His room is quieter than ever and the days start to blend together.

But this is what he wanted wasn’t it? To finally be on his own? It’s not like he missed your ramblings, or the sound of your laugh, or your happy disposition, or the way you brightened his day. No. He’s better off alone…

He doesn’t even believe himself. He scowls. How could he let this happen? How could he let someone in and affect him so much to a point where he missed them? He thinks about ignoring his feelings and soldiering on, as is his way, but the thought of going on like this for God knows how long makes him reconsider.

Goddamn you.

†††

He had never seen your office before. He didn’t even know you had an office up until now. He thought, a bit conceitedly perhaps, that he was the only field agent with an office. Maybe you weren’t exaggerating when you said you were good.

Your door is left open, possibly to be more inviting and welcoming. It’s perfectly you. Five looks in to see your head down, writing something at your desk, and takes a moment to consider you. God, he had missed you. He feels a little excited just seeing you there. Is he that lonely and desperate?

He knocks on your door and stands in the doorway. You lift your head and your eyes widen in surprise to see him. He tries not to look uncomfortable under your gaze.

“Oh! Hey Five,” you say, cautiously. You’re not as bubbly around him anymore, almost afraid to scare him off. He doesn’t like it. “What can I do for—”

Before you can finish, Five drops a file onto your desk. You look at him in surprise. There’s a silence. “What’s this?” you ask.

“Read it,” he snaps at you, his nerves getting the better of him. You open the file and he sees surprise overtake your whole face.

“This…this is a request to have me as your partner,” you say quietly, not knowing how to react.

“This has nothing to do with your pestering, by the way,” Five says. “I thought about it and came to my own conclusion that a partner would be beneficial. I thought since you were already willing, it was the simpler choice.”

As he speaks, he watches your disbelief change into joy and a bright smile returns to your face. It’s almost infectious.

“This is incredible,” you say. And then something changes and your smile drops into a frown, which makes him upset. Not that he was doing this for you, but he thought you’d be happy. “But I thought…I thought I annoyed you. What changed?”

He feels guilt tug at him. It seems his outburst stuck with you. “I…might have overreacted the other day. You do annoy me, but I didn’t mean it like that.” You nod at this and he senses it isn’t enough to convince you. Fuck it. He’s already in this deep. “I suppose, as a gesture of good faith as your new partner, and only for this occasion…I owe you an apology.”

Your eyes shoot up at him and he falters. Then he clears his throat and prays no one else is around to hear this. “I am…sorry, for any hurt my outburst may have caused you.” He could count on one hand the number of times he has genuinely apologized to someone. But apparently it works, as your frown is gone.

“Oh, um, thank you,” you say, unsure how to respond to his sudden change in character. There’s an awkward pause before you smile. You hold out your hand and say, “Partners?”

It’s such a sweet gesture of forgiveness that Five finds his mouth twitching upwards. “Partners,” he says, shaking your hand. He ignores the sparks he feels when his hand touches yours. But he has been sentimental for far too long.

He ends the handshake and clears his throat once more. “To be clear, this is not an official contract, you still have to sign the paper,” he says but the smile cannot be erased from your face.

“Yes, of course! I will handle that right away,” you say. “This is so exciting! You will not regret this.”

“I better not,” he says. “This doesn’t change anything between us, we’re not friends.”

“Yet,” you say with a cheeky smile. He is much more relieved to see you acting as your normal self again.

“Y/N I’m serious—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. This is going to be so fun,” you giggle, seemingly ignoring what he just said. “Thank you.”

You’re looking up at him, a soft smile on your lips and a twinkle in your eye. He falters again as he feels heat rising in his cheeks. He looks away.

“No need to thank me, just make sure that request is signed and submitted.”

“Aye, aye, cap’n,” you salute him and he takes this as his cue to leave. He turns and you call out, “See you around!”

He doesn’t respond, or rather he can’t. He’s already starting to regret this and not because of the reason you think. Seeing you all happy and excitement caused his heart to swell with a feeling he isn’t familiar with. He doesn’t like this unknown territory and change. But he has to admit…

It felt kind of nice.

[dailytomlinson]

A deep dive into Louis Tomlinson's career, both solo and in One Direction, and how he's grown into one of pop music's most thoughtful songwriters.

With the first quarter of the 21st century coming to an end, Billboard has been looking back on the 25 Greatest Pop Stars of the Past 25 Years. Below, we take a deeper look into the solo career of Louis Tomlinson — one of the members of our No. 22 pop stars, One Direction — and how his songwriting, originally honed in 1D, has helped him develop into one of the group’s strongest breakout artists.

When One Direction officially went on hiatus in 2015, Zayn Malik dropped Mind of Mine in 2016, Harry Styles’ eponymous LP dropped in 2017, Niall Horan followed with Flicker later that year and Liam Payne’s First Time EP arrived in 2018. Louis Tomlinson, however, took his time with releasing a full project – and entered an era of healing and self-discovery that saw him realizing his potential as one of 1D’s most self-actualized artists, even if not necessarily the starriest.

Even before going solo, Tomlinson showed he was meant for breakthrough success while in One Direction. Longtime Directioners know that Tomlinson wrote more songs in One Direction than any other member, penning long standing hits including “Perfect,” “History” and “Fool’s Gold” and proving his fortitude as a songwriter who understands lyrical cleverness and crafting the indescribably catchy refrains necessary to produce arena-ready hits. Beyond his musical abilities, Tomlinson’s sense of humor and friendship with fellow 1D members also ensured fans had a soft spot for him.

However, when he did go solo, the road was slippery at first. He teamed up with Steve Aoki for his first solo release “Just Hold On” in December 2016, and just three days before its release, Tomlinson’s mother died of leukemia. He still took the stage to perform the song on The X Factor, the first public testament to the star’s strength and dedication to his musical craft.

Tomlinson’s resilience amid adversity continued as he navigated the music industry. The star signed with Epic Records in 2017 and released a few singles – including “Miss You” and the Bebe Rexha and Digital Farm Animals-assisted “Back to You.” While the infectious hooks to both tracks could have easily solidified Tomlinson as a pop mainstay, the two singles didn’t perform as well as expected on the charts: “Just Hold On” peaked at No. 52 on the Billboard Hot 100 and “Back to You” hit No. 40, while “Miss You” missed the chart altogether. Ultimately, a full-length album never materialized with Epic Records.

Tomlinson shortly got back on his feet, as he always does, and signed with Arista Records in 2019 – where he honed his talent as a songwriter, this time feeling comfortable enough to tackle more vulnerable topics in his music. His first release under the label was “Two of Us,” a heart-wrenching tribute to his late mother. “I know you’ll be looking down/ Swear I’m gonna make you proud/ I’ll be living one life for the two of us,” he sings in the chorus, giving a glimpse into what would soon become a musical career full of honesty and vulnerability.

Unfortunately, shortly after its release, another hardship struck Tomlinson’s life when his 18-year-old sister Fizzy died of an accidental overdose. Both the release of “Two of Us” and the tragedy that followed showed just how close Tomlinson’s community of fans is, as they showered him with online love and support in the months that followed.

After taking some much-deserved time to heal, he announced in August of that year that his debut solo album was on its way – and shortly after, he released a follow-up single, the rock-leaning, drumline-driven “Kill My Mind.” Tomlinson admitted that he finally found his stride. “I’m actually really proud and relieved to finally find my place, find my lane musically,” he told Hits Radio Breakfast at the time, indicating a moment of relief amid his turbulent few years.

Tomlinson’s debut solo album, Walls, arrived in January 2020 and while it hit the Billboard 200‘s top 10, it was met with mixed reviews from critics, who suggested that the heart he wanted to portray wasn’t quite there. His growth outside of commercial success proved otherwise, as he had been spending the past few years building a solid identity not only as an artist, but also as a person. While some of the other One Direction alums are still finding their footing with their solo sounds to this day, Tomlinson grew strongly into an instrumentation-focused pop-rock artist whose lyrics go beyond the cookie cutter sentiments you might expect from a former boy band member.

And soon, all the hard work – both personally and musically – finally paid off. Faith in the Future, his 2022 sophomore solo album, debuted at No. 1 on the Official U.K. Albums Chart. In the United States, Faith In The Future debuted at No. 2 on Billboard’s Top Album Sales chart, and at No. 5 on the all-genre Billboard 200, his highest-charting set yet on both tallies. The album’s success, as well his sold-out live shows on its accompanying tour, not only showed the still-standing Directioner devotion to Tomlinson, but also made it clear that he picked up a slew of new fans along the way.

Tomlinson’s self-awareness was evident on the album’s lead single, “Bigger Than Me.” “When somebody told me I would change/ I was afraid, I don’t know why/ ‘Cause so does the world outside, I’ve realized/ It’s bigger than me,” he sings – indicating that the key for solo success all along was being himself, and letting go of the pressure that fame brings.

While Tomlinson has still yet to score the major chart hits stateside that his 1D bandmates essentially achieved right away – and has been more focused on his 28 clothing line the past couple years – he’s proven that he doesn’t need traditional pop crossover success to have a bright future ahead of him. With another couple albums and tours that continue to establish his identity and expand his artistry, it wouldn’t be shocking to see him making the jump to arenas in the not-distant future. Louis’ solo career may not have gotten off to the perfect start, but it just might end up being perfect for him in the long-term anyway.

[faebaex]

Workplace Hazard

author note: i'm breaking my accidental writing hiatus bc I was watching TV and got inspired 😭 accidental mafia AU I guess bc I feel like it's given that Jade is probably going to be in some sort of shady occupation no matter what.

characters: Jade Leech x GN!Reader

When your partner works in a... Less than ordinary profession, there are certain risks involved.

You began your relationship with Jade Leech when you were in college. You both attended the prestigious Night Raven College, in the same year and in the same homeroom class. You were all too aware of his shady reputation and how he was considered one of the most intimidating figures in the college. Yet despite this, you found yourself entwined with Jade, your interests and personalities bringing the two of you together in a relationship that would transcend the cultural gap and difficulties that often persisted between merfolk and human couples.

When you both graduated from college, you went on to a career that blossomed from your fourth year internship whilst Jade carried on to closely work with Azul and his twin. Azul's humble Monstro Lounge grew into a service empire that encompassed ventures ranging from hotels and resorts, all of which Jade worked closely with as Azul's right hand man. Of course, Azul's under the table deals and predatory contracts flourished under the cover of Azul's corporation. Azul's public image considered him as a successful bachelor and a benevolent soul, but those who were unfortunate enough to not be able to fulfill their end of the contract had a different opinion. To them, Azul and his associates were a despicable mafia prettily gift wrapped in an illuminous reputation.

Jade Leech is considered a formidable and prominent presence both under the sea and on land. Employed officially as Azul's secretary, he also works as Azul's trusted right hand during his seedier operations. Such delicate work meant that Jade had accumulated quite the pool of enemies. And some of those enemies thought the best way to get back at Jade, was to get to you...

You had been waiting for Jade to come home, finishing up some of your work in your home office with an impatient sigh. Jade had said he was coming home days ago, yet he still hadn't showed. His messages were scarce and vague, filling you with a festering frustration that was slowly eroding away the edges of your patience.

A soft thump alerted you to a presence, and your eyes narrowed as you looked up from your work.

"Jade?" You called, reaching under your desk and discreetly pressing the button beneath the polished surface, your hand then slipping into your desk drawer.

"What time do you call this? You said you would be home days ago." You seethed, walking out of your office and making your way through your dimly lit apartment towards the front door. A quick, shadowed movement in your periphery has your head twitching to the side. "Jade...?" You repeated, feeling tense with the continued silence, a cold feeling crawling up your spine as you hesitated before a shadowed figure suddenly lunged quickly towards you.

....

Jade slid his house key into the front door smoothly, a constant low level vibration sounding from his phone in his inside pocket, alerting him of the panic alarm activated in his home. He twisted the key calmly, pushing open the door and entering without haste, closing the door with gentle precision.

"Darling, I'm home." Jade spoke in his smooth baritone, hanging his hat up on the coat hanger by the door. There was no response.

"I apologise, my love. Work has been terribly complicated at the moment. I do hope you could find it in yourself to forgive me." Jade continued, his polished shoes clacking through the hardwood floors of your shared apartment. Again, no response.

Jade's steps took him towards the lounge. As he entered, he saw a figure crumpled on the floor, their hands tied behind their back and their legs bound together. Another figure sat in an armchair in front of the bound figure, a baton twirling between their fingers as they looked up at Jade.

"Am I a joke to you, Leech?"

Jade's eyes lingered on the figure on the floor before they looked up at the seated silhouette with a smile on his face.

"Of course not, pearl. I would never dare to not take you seriously." Although his smile was genuine, it did have a hint of teasing to it, as if he enjoyed the thought of you all riled up. You tutted, your eyes remaining on the squirming figure at your feet before they moved to glare up at Jade.

"You said we'd go to dinner yesterday but you never turned up. I looked like a fool in that restaurant, all alone." You ranted bitterly, your lips pressed in a tight line.

"My apologies, pearl. Some clients can be so... Difficult," he crossed the room, stepping over the quivering figure, as if they weren't even there, so he could stand directly in front of you, "perhaps such misunderstandings would not occur if you attended one of Azul's restaurants, per my suggestion. I'd be able to get messages to you much easier that way." Your expression soured at that.

"I should be able to go to whatever restaurant I feel like when I've planned a dinner with my partner." You huffed, turning your face away from him and thumping the baton into your palm in frustration.

You felt the familiar feeling of smooth leather cup your chin gently as Jade's hand softly tilted your face back towards him, his eyes tender as he gazed down at you. "I'm sorry, darling. I'll endeavour for it to not happen again. It pains me to miss any precious moment with you."

You didn't soften at his words, continuing to pout and glare up at him, making a warm, fond smile spread across his lips. Jade leaned down, his hand still cupping your chin as he stooped so that his face hovered close to yours as he spoke quietly, "how about we go to dinner now? I discovered a restaurant with a fascinating menu you'd appreciate. I'm sure I could persuade them to stay open a few hours later than usual..." His thumb stroked over your bottom lip as he spoke, a loving gesture as he watched the worst of your wrath extinguish in your eyes, but the coals of discontent still simmering.

"Let me devote myself to you and make it up to you," he promised, his lips pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead before he stood straight again, "but first, let me deal with this complication." His hand reached into his inside pocket as he pulled out his phone and speed dialled a number, stepping away from you and over the body on the carpet casually.

"Floyd." The bound figure immediately stiffened when it heard that name. "Can you come over? There has been a situation," Jade said smoothly, "there is a wayward remora here but unfortunately, I am terribly late for dinner so I cannot entertain them. I wonder if you could keep them company for me."

There was a pause, the room silent apart from the buzz of Floyd's voice through the phone as he spoke to Jade. For the first time since Jade had entered the lounge, his eyes slid down to the bound figure at his feet, the tender look in his eyes long gone as he stared down at the figure with hard eyes and a cold smile.

"But don't be too rough with them. I'd like to play with them too."

[beansmack2021]

Is it okay if you do Vox x daughter reader and how he'd react if be found out a bunch of demons have been asking out his daughter?

Hey everyone! I accidentally took a really long hiatus. I'm gonna try to get back into the swing of things, I've just had a lot of work to do lately.

Vox x Daughter!Reader - He Finds Out Demons Have Been Asking You Out

TW: Mentions of blood, creeps

His theme song when it comes to your suitors is "Be aggressive! B-e aggressive!"

It starts out small. You guys are out for a day trip when your phone pings with a notification. You were going to ignore it, but then you got another. There were tons of them. They're all messages from the same demon saying he wants to take you out and then getting aggressive about you not answering.

You turned your phone around to show your dad the texts, and within a second he was traveling through the internet to the demon's phone.

Let's just say you stopped getting texts after that.

Usually, your dad would just handle the demons for you. Sometimes, though, your dad wasn't around. You'd be approached on the street when you were on your way home from a day out with friends, and the demons just wouldn't back off.

You'd sneak pictures of them for your dad. He'd find them on VoxNet or Voxtagram and he'd hunt them down.

He'd come home again covered in blood (never his own) and he'd say that he'd handled everything.

You loved your dad, and you were glad that he cared enough about you to fight for you.

Sometimes, though, you were so embarrassed. You'd liked this demon a lot, and you were texting him practically every day. You liked to be a bit of a tease sometimes, but once, Vox took that as the boy coming on too strong and you just being nice and trying to slowly push him away.

Vox threatened the boy, and he'd even punched him once or twice, until you told him you actually liked him. The demon wouldn't talk to you after that, and you were so angry with your dad.

He learned to let you come to him with these things. He also learned to get all the information before jumping to conclusions. He took you out for ice cream as an apology.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

2024 Era Masterlist

After the birthday stream (ao3) - trashcanfromgallifrey

Summary: The events that may have occured after Dan's birthday charity stream;) Starts of with fluff but ends up in a steamy hot shower

another day (ao3) - wearealldoomed

Summary: “It’s another day in the forever house. It’s been a day since uploading ‘We’re All Doomed’ to the channel that started it all. Dan Howell gets to live another day.”

Backyard Bliss (ao3) - milfbilvy

Summary: Dan and Phil spend some time in the backyard of the phouse, enjoying some quality time together under the shade of their beloved cherry tree.

bragging rights (ao3) - wednesday_ukiru

Summary: A hot doctor sits down next to Phil as he’s coming off anesthesia.

from emo to angel(ao3) - starlightphil (adreaminthedark)

Summary: “Oh my god you did it. Crisis twink era.” “Isn’t it my crisis twunk era at this point? You did a whole thing where you claimed I went through twink death, remember?”

Phil surprises Dan with a new hair color.

look how (the stars) shine for you (ao3) - howell_slide

Summary: Two boys looking at the night sky together, 14 years apart.

Lost In Thought (ao3) - microwaveoven

Summary: Based on that one part in pizza mukbang 2 where DNP talk about why the hiatus started and how Phil felt lost for a while

northern lights (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Dan and Phil watch the northern lights together.

oh, baby, seasons change (ao3) - antiadvil

Summary: anon prompt: dnp sharing a bed in 2010 x them sharing a bed now :3

there is bedsharing in this fic, but more of the fic is spent discussing dan's laundry than spent in bed

[orange heart emoji] (ao3) - natigail

Summary: WE'RE ALL DOOMED finds its home on YouTube and Dan breaks the whole phandom with one single emoji. It's okay. If Phil can be earnest, then so can Dan.

Phlonde (ao3) - greyskysss

Summary: Phil gets his hair dyed. Thats the fic

phlondes do it better (ao3) - wearealldoomed

Summary: The day has come around quicker than Phil had anticipated.

The day where Phil dips his toes back into the waters of dyeing his hair after months of letting his natural hair colour grow back through.

The day where Phil goes platinum blonde without confronting Dan about it first.

phlondes have more fun (ao3) - howell_slide

Summary: The morning after the Phlondening of 2024.

rat and relaxation time (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Dan and Phil wake up on the first day of their holiday.

routine (ao3) - qrovers

Summary: The scene is as follows: The dining room is empty except for Dan, who sits in front of his computer about to upload We’re All Doomed. There is the lingering smell of fries and dips. Dan is in his pajamas, the Minecraft ones Phil always manages to hog. By the side of his desk, a full cup of cocoa has since lost its steam. It’s also from Phil. “To relax you,” he said.

Dan knows he just made two by accident.

slumber party (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Dan never has been able to resist Phil’s spontaneous ideas, like having a slumber party in their lounge after filming a gaming video. Especially since it means getting to appreciate Phil in those red silk pyjamas.

(Set right after filming the DAPG video, “Getting Deep at the Slumber Party.")

Stir Fry (ao3) - ottertrashpalace

Summary: Dan never cooks unless he's feeling guilty. Phil waits.

two wolves (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: They're in the middle of a meeting, and Phil seems to be trying to tell him something. But what?

(or, Dan accidentally wears a certain novelty wolf t-shirt to an online meeting with their tour team.)

We’re All Gay (ao3) - howell_slide

Summary: On some fuckass Tuesday in April 2024, Dan Howell dropped “gay” on the phandom.

you and me (that's all we need it to be) (ao3) - bunnyslipper

Summary: 🧡

[jj-5656]

First Impressions With; James Potter (Marauders)

A/N: Holy shit, hello again. Been a damn minute, six month hiatus yet again. First semester of college kicked my ass, but I can’t get this idea out of my head lately. To anyone who reads and even enjoys, please leave a comment. I love any and all feedback. Missed you guys, sorry I was MIA. :)

Summary: The one where you finally confront the egotistical chaser for Gryffindor, and realize things aren’t always as they seem. 

TW: Descriptions of assault, attempted assault, ect. It’s lengthy asf apologies in advance

       James Potter is undoubtedly the most insufferable, pompous, self-absorbed asshole to ever grace Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 

You’re sure of it. 

At least, that’s what you keep telling yourself as you grip the chilled glass of firewhisky between Lilly and Marlene. Watching the raven-haired boy amongst his friends in the Gryffindor common room. It’s a fairly relaxed night, you’d save the real partying for the weekends. Though you’d all survived a particularly difficult potions exam, and found it more than enough means to celebrate with a small get-together. There isn't much to worry about when it came to drinking under school-roof. Seeing as your prefect was one of the many students indulging in the nights activities, nursing his own glass along his friends. Remus is a sandy-haired, soft spoken student you’ve come to know through Lily and Marlene. 

It’s a wonder he even gives the rambunctious Potter the time of day, let alone choose to call him a friend. 

“Head boy, can you believe they’ve considered appointing him head boy for next year? James Potter, having authority over even the prefects, what a load of crap.”

“He’s not that bad, he’s actually quite pleasant at times.” You shoot a look to your redheaded best friend, who’d see the good in even the worst of people. 

“Respectfully, Lilly, if I were to maliciously pour this drink onto your lap, you’d forgive me in a millisecond. I don’t necessarily trust your character judgement.”

“Ever the dramatic, y/n. And I’d forgive you because I love you, but not after ‘accidentally’ spilling my drink on you.” She kisses the crown of your head cheekily before grabbing you and Marlene’s empty glasses, seeking to refill them. You wave her affection off despite the blush of your cheeks. 

And then Potter says something that catches your attention almost instantly. 

“Where do you think the lonely bloke is now? Probably in his dorm, moping about like always.” The fellow sixth year seems to have had half a glass too many, sudden passionate disdain for the Slytherin hadn’t been a topic the entire night. 

“You a fan of his, Potter?” You snap from the couch across him, catching the attention of the burly kid and his friends. The alcohol in your system also the cause of such an abrupt remark.

“Sorry?” He asks through a half-hearted laugh, incredulous gaze revealing the intense hazel in his eyes you hadn’t noticed before. 

“Are you a fan, would you like an autograph or something? I only ask because he’s almost all you talk about. And you can’t seem to leave him alone.” Marlene straightens beside you, sharing a confused look with the rest of the boys sat beside James. Who quirks his head at your irritated tone. 

“And you are?” 

“Tired of your bullshit, leave the kid alone.” You’ve honestly been waiting for give the Chaser a piece of your mind since you saw him trip the sullen Slytherin in the library. You hate a bully, and you’d be damned to stand by and watch. Not to mention his incessant pestering of your kind-hearted best friend, who returns to you with full glasses and a stern look pointed your way. You ignore her silent disciplining, too enveloped in your staring match with the boy opposite you. 

“Just a bit of fun, love. Nothing to get upset about.” Sirius, another acquaintance through your girlfriends, attempts to ease the tension. Setting a hand on James’ tensing shoulder. 

“I don’t think he’s having much fun. Seems a bit one sided if you ask me.”

“But we didn’t. Ask you, I mean.” You cock your head, pleasantly surprised at Potter’s wit. Having mistaken him for the dumb on the spot type.

Maybe it’s not your business, maybe your actions are making an enemy for no reason. But you know the likes of James Potter.Coming from a wealthy, well-known wizard family. And Snape, who was a half-blood, and not a wealthy one at that. At least, you’d assumed from his hand-me-down robes and unkept clothes on the train your first year at Hogwarts. He’d confided in Lily a couple times, and from what you could understand he was simply a quiet boy who was terribly misunderstood. Being a half-blood yourself, you’d fallen victim to some snotty comments from other students. And if Potter’s quarrel with the boy was due to his status and lack of pure-blood, you wouldn’t dare let him get away with it. 

“Maybe we should head up to the dorm-” Marlene starts before James interjects. 

“Nonsense, we were just leaving. Have a wonderful rest of your night Marlene, Lills, and-” He pauses, eyes narrowing in silent challenge. 

“Y/n.” You deadpan, pretending not to notice the anxious expressions of the boy’s friends and those of your own beside you. 

He hums, giving you a once over before finishing the remaining contents of his glass in an embellished swoop. Setting it down with an intensity that makes Remus cringe. “Y/n.” He tests the word on his lips, tongue running over his teeth with a vexed smirk. “Pleasure, truly.” 

“I’m sure.” You quip instantly, taking a particularly large sip of your own drink and tilting your glass in farewell. He scoffs, turning on his heel and heading to the boys’ dormitory without another word. 

“Alright, what the fuck was that?” Dorcas accuses, having silently entered the room amongst the commotion. Her astonishment pulls a laugh from you, and Lilly’s eyes widen tenfold.

“Laughing, she’s laughing? Merlin, you amaze me!” 

“I’m right, aren’t I? He’s mean to that poor boy for no reason. He’s pompous Lilly, thinks he’s better than some of us for being muggle-born. I wont tolerate it.”

“Has he said that? Has he personally told you that?”

“Doesn’t have to.” You cross your arms, defensive.” She only throws her arms up in exasperation as you begin to aid Marlene in cleaning up the room. 

“He’s a bit messy as well.” The dark-haired girl holds up his empty glass, biting back a smile when Lilly smacks her palm to her forehead, exasperated. 

***********

   You’re at an actual party this time when you interact with James Potter again. 

Ravenclaw is hosting after a successful round of midterms has finished. You can finally shake the mid-semester stress away and enjoy yourselves for the few days break you receive from classes. It took longer than expected to enter the house’s commons. Sirius had reassured you all he knew the riddle to get inside, until he in fact, did not know the riddle, and you were all left coughing through a fit of charmed smoke. Until a a soft-spoken second year, no less, walked by and allowed the group of you in. 

“Beautiful, you’ve just earned yourself a glass of firewhisky, love.” Sirius yelps when Remus smacks him upside the head, watching as the younger student slips past the rest of you, past the celebratory atmosphere and straight to the dorms. The common room has been charmed to prohibit any students younger than sixth years of entering, thank Merlin. 

Those from their respective houses usually enter these parties together, so you’re unfortunately grouped in with the marauders. Including James, who avoids any and all eye contact with you. Both of you sporting deep scowls until you’re finally able to disperse. Most older Hufflepuffs are already there, and Slytherin is the last to enter. Waltzing in with bottles of alcohol they most definitely wont share, contrary to the generosity of the other houses. Who all usually trade bottles of their specialty drinks to one another. 

“I’m gonna grab a drink, what do you guys want?” You shout over the music and boisterous laughter emanating from the room, admiring the bronze and blue decorum of the foreign commons. Theres a universal “surprise me” from your girlfriends, and you head off to the drink table with a curt nod. There’s an array of liquors and mixers on the table, and you survey the options before deciding on a simple handful of Hog’s Head brews. 

“I don’t take a girl like you to be so keen of draft beer.” Noah Lyre, a stalky seventh year smiles wickedly beside you. Like most Slytherins, a hint of judgement in his tone. “Here, try some of this, my own concoction.” 

“I’m alright, thanks.” You offer a tight-lipped smile, nose scrunching from the bitter smell emanating from the shiny black flask from even a foot away. He takes a step closer, to which you raise your brows. 

“I insist, you’ve got to at least try it.” He moves the flask toward you once more. To which you stick your hand out, irritated with his wandering eyes and unwavering persistence. 

“I said I’m good, thanks.” Is all you say before side-stepping his towering figure and heading back toward your friends. Passing out their respective drinks and taking a few gulps of yours, attempting to brush the creepy interaction off. 

“Everything alright?” Marlene leans close so you can hear her, you offer a reassuring smile and a quick nod. 

“I think this is the part where you ask Sirius to dance, considering he’s been eyeing you since we got here.” You tease, Lilly and Dorcas following your eyes across the room where the marauders are settled. Sharing a round of shots and shaking their heads to rid themselves of the bitter taste. Marlene steps forward at Dorcas’ shoving, shooting the three of you a half-assed glare before headed toward the boys. Amongst them, James hasn’t rid himself of that pitiful look. Wallowing beside his cheerful friends and taking large sips of the drink in hand.You meet his eyes for a split second, heads ripping away from one another’s direction as if the actions singed your skin. 

“Dorcas, look.” Lilly nudges the shorter girl excitedly in the direction of a Hufflepuff on the other side of the room. “It’s that sweet girl from potions who asked me about you, go talk to her!” Dorcas looks terrified, vehemently shaking her head as Lilly grabs her forearm. 

“Absolutely not, I’ll make a fool of myself.” 

“You will not! C’mon, I’ll introduce you.” The red-head beams as she tugs her along. You ignore the burning glare you receive as you ignore her mouthed ‘help me’ as she’s whisked away. 

*******

The atmosphere’s become increasingly chaotic as the night pushes on. You’ve shared a few shots with Marlene and some other acquaintances from your classes. Having just left a rambunctious game of truth or drink before hading into the hall. Not quite near the dormitories, afraid of disturbing any sleeping students, you simply seek a little more quiet. Just near the communal bathrooms, you’re stood admiring a painting of Rowena Ravenclaw. Watching as an eagle swoops by in the background.

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you.” You spin on your heel to see Noah, significantly drunker now as compared to his last appearance 

“I think you’ve got the wrong person.” You cross your arms, taking a couple steps back as he stumbles toward you. 

“No, I don’t think so.” He sneers, same lustful eyes raking over your form. You square your shoulders at an attempt to appear bigger than you are, heart racing at the oncoming severity of the situation. He reaches out to play with a strand of your hair and you fight a gag at the overwhelming smell of liquor leaking from his pores. 

“My friends will be wondering where I am, see you around.” You force out, attempting to shuffle past him when he takes strong hold of your wrist. Grip so tight you lose your breath. He tugs you into his chest, sneering when you struggle in his grasp. 

“Get the fuck off me.” You all but shout, panic shooting through your chest when he backs you into a wall. 

“Where are you going, love? I just got here.” 

“Let me go, I fucking mean it.” You stomp on his foot, crying out when he he pulls you forward and smacks you against the wall. The back of your head coming into contact with the painting. Distantly, you hear the enchanted eagle squeak in surprise. 

Your cries for help are muffled when he wraps his hand around your throat, forcing the air from your lungs as your eyes go wide in terror.

“Just behave, sweetheart. This’ll be so much more enjoyable if you do.” Tears prick at your eyes not only from the inability to breathe but from his revolting words. Faintly, you hear the unclasping of a belt buckle as you writhe and kick with all your might. He’s much larger than you are, though, pressing the force of his entire body weight onto you to cease your fight. With his free hand, Noah enclasps both of your wrists together and forces them above your head and against the cold, hard stone. You feel his lips graze your jaw as bile rises in your throat, mentally preparing for whats to come next before he’s suddenly ripped off of you. 

You collapse to the floor, clutching your throat and gasping for air. The room spins, and you shake your head to come to your senses. It’s dark in this hall, but it’s clear whoever has the Slytherin blonde in his grasp is severely beating the shit out of him. You stumble to your feet, wiping the blurred moisture from your eyes to gather yourself. It’s then you realize the identity of the assailant. Unmistaking the familiar head of dark curls and tall, brooding figure. 

James. Fucking. Potter.

Potter, landing blow after blow, doesn’t stop his assault even as blood (and what looks like a couple teeth) spews from Noah’s mouth.

You try to speak, but your own voice fails you. Strained and cracking from the pressure it’s been under. You cough, trying again with your hands out in front of you. 

“J-James!” Is all you manage, croaked and unfamiliar to your ears. It’s the first time you’ve ever voiced his first name aloud. This must stun him, too, because he pauses his assault to look over his shoulder at you. Noah groans underneath him, and the disheveled Gryffindor spits on the floor next to him in utter disgust. There’s a final blow to his head that makes you wince, and Noah’s out cold. 

James stands, wobbling for just a moment before he straightens. Rolling his neck in a slow circle, strained with effort. You take in his sharp, handsome features, still in pure shock. He takes in your trembling form and immediately snaps his head away. You quirk a brow, confused when he shakes his jacket off his shoulders and holds it out to you. Only when you look down do you realize your blouse has been torn. Quickly taking the fabric and wrapping it around your shoulders with deep embarrassment and misplaced shame. 

Silently, James uncuffs his sleeves and rolls them up toward his elbows. “I’m gonna kill him,” he grabs the unconscious boy by the collar and pulls his arm back to lay yet another punch before you stop him. Hands clasped around his veined forearm and pulling it down. 

“You’ll be expelled!”

“Fuck’s that matter?”

“You’re not thinking straight, look at him. He’s out, he wont be getting up any time soon. It’s fine, it’s over”

“It’s not fine. Nothing about this is fine.” He’s hot with anger, running a hand through his tousled hair and grimacing at the pain that shoots through up his arm. 

“Your hands.” You whisper, to which the boy surveys his own handiwork, covered in blood and cut up from his own rings. He shrugs, eyes narrowing as he notices the uncontrollable trembling of the appendages. You reach out to touch them, but he pulls away. Afraid of any further pain. You pull your hands to your chest, shocked at the red marks already forming all over your wrists. 

“You alright?” He mutters, tone softer than you’ve ever heard before. It’s odd, the sudden quiet of it all. Only the muffled music from the common room to be heard in the background. 

“Better off than him, I suppose.” You make a meek attempt at a joke, nudging the bloodied boy on the floor with your foot. 

To your surprise, three Slytherin boys scurry into the hallway. Stopping short in their tracks with mouths open wide. James steps in front of you without a second thought, wiping the excess blood onto his trousers and nodding his head toward the unconscious kid in front of him. 

“Get him out of my fucking sight.” The trio doesn’t speak, shuffling into action the instant he finishes the command. It’s a struggle for them to lift up the dead weight, but they move fast enough after James releases an exasperated sigh. Right as they exit, James’ friends and your own stop dead in their tacks, trying to process all they’ve just seen. In the other room, the music cuts short, you and James both pull a face in understanding. This’ll be the talk of the school for the next week. 

“We should go. All of us.” Remus announces, the rest of you nod. Your friends are on you in an instant, tugging the jacket tighter around you and checking your body for further injury. You let them hover, knowing they must be in almost as much shock as you. It’s a wordless shuffle back to the dorms, the boys ensuring their bodies shield your own as you make your way through the halls. You separate when you reach the common room of Gryffindor, and James is the last pair of eyes you meet with before sulking into your respective dorms. 

It’s only when you reach your bed do you allow yourself to be overcome with sobs. The weight of all thats happened collapsing in on you. All the girls can do is stroke your hair and whisper idle reassurances. When you finally relax a little, Marlene waves her wand over your head. Casting a peaceful sleep spell to get you through the night. 

**********

   Taking the steps up into the boy’s dormitory has your heart racing. The memories of last night never having left your mind. Despite the lingering, slight hangover you’re fighting, the only real evidence of the assault is the bruising on your neck and wrists, faded now that Lilly’s cast a charm on them. The deep, purple marks, and the whispers of fellow students. Unsurprisingly, word got out about what happened, and there’s been a lot of stares. After a concise meeting with McGonagall, Noah’s been expelled. You overhear in a hushed conversation between a few third-years that he’d walked out of his dorm with his belongings in hand, head hanging low to conceal the developing shiners on his face. A few slow, deep breathes, to ground yourself before knocking on the door. 

It’s Sirius who answers, offering the same sympathetic gaze you’ve been receiving all morning. 

“Hey, love.” He offers simply, studying your anxious form. 

“Hi, I didn’t mean to bother you guys I just...” You fumble over words despite having rehearsed this scenario a million time in the past hour. “I just wanted to return this to James, he lent it to me last night. I also never got to thank him, so please extend my gratitude when you see him.” You extend your arms, offering him the fabric in hand. Expecting him to accept it and bid you farewell. Cringing when you think you sound too formal and, well, rehearsed. 

“Nonsense, you can tell him yourself when he comes back. He was called to Dumbledore’s office but he should be back any minute.” He reads your sullen expression at the mention of potential discipline for an incident he didn’t have to get involved in, but he waves his hand dismissively. 

“Dumbledore knows what happened, might revoke a few points form Gryffindor but Prongs won’t be punished. It was self defense, really.” The raven haired boy comes to realize rambling on about the traumatic events are most likely not what you need to hear right now, so he clears his throat and smiles once again. Sirius Black, of course, does the complete opposite of what you’d expect him to do. Stepping aside to welcome you in. “Come in, come in, Remus just started a pot of tea.”

“Oh, no, thank you. I didn’t mean to intrude I just meant to drop this off and-” 

“Please, we insist. Besides, I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

“You have?”

“Of course.” There’s a few beats of silence, and you accept the cup of tea Remus offers with a kind smile. Feeling utterly undeserving of such gestures due to your last interaction. Sirius, realizing he’s supposed to be leading the conversation, then continues...

“I simply need to get to know any girl who can make Prongs speechless. And you did, in the common room the other night.”

“About that, I just wanted to apologize. I think I gave off the wrong impression and-”

“You can’t be serious, we loved it!” Sirius interrupts passionately. 

“It was a little harsh, sure.” Remus translates for his dear friend, as usual. Albeit true. James can come off a little...” He searches for the appropriate words, handing Sirius a steaming cup as he continues. “...Brooding, at times. But he means well. He has a good heart, just a little ‘do before you think or say’ kind of guy.”

“So I’ve noticed.” You joke, not unkind.

“See! That there. You’re quite witty, and fiery as well. James needs that in his life!” Your eyes widen at his presumption, Remus winces. 

“What he means to say, is James is quite stubborn. And doesn’t always listen to us when we try to nudge him in the right direction.” The lanky boy recovers, not before shooting Sirius a look. 

“And I do?” You laugh, amused at the absurdity of such a notion. 

“Yes.” They chime in unison, Sirius delighted in the abashed heat that singes your skin. He grips the chair in front of you, and you suddenly feel very small in their kitchenette of their dorm. 

“Prongs, James, is not silenced very often, if at all. He was mute for like, two whole days after your little argument in commons.” 

“Right.” You mutter, shame heavy in your tone. “I see now it was a bit, bitchy of me.” The two are a little taken aback by your language, though you continue anyway. “I didn’t have all the details about the situation. I just felt I had to say something...My mom’s a muggle, and I don’t know. I got defensive at the notion that he was the type of person to see her as less because she isn’t a witch. I made an assumption, a wrong one at that, and I feel terrible about it. Especially after last night.” Keys clatter as you finish, and you’re stunned to see James at the doorway, having heard your entire spiel. 

“Oh, hey” You mutter plainly, horribly embarrassed. 

“Hello.” James swallows, fiddling with the worn wrap covering his hand. “Does it hurt much?” 

“Sorry?”

“The bruising,” he motions to his neck in reference to yours, and you realize Lilly’s charms have completely worn off now. You caress the tender skin with a wince, smiling softly in reassurance to the concerned looks it earns. You take out your wand, aiming to perform the spell once again before James shakes his head. “Don’t. You shouldn’t have to hide what happened. He should live with the shame. Should have kept hitting the bastard.” He mutters the last part to himself, fist closing tightly and then releasing, jaw tensing as he recalls the conflict. 

“I think he got the message, Prongs.” Remus mumbles idly. James only shakes his head, clearing his throat and once again fiddling with the wraps around his hand. 

“You should probably change those. Here, let me help.” You get up from your seat, surprising even yourself as you approach the much taller boy. opening the discarded first aid kit strewn on the kitchen counter, they must have left it out in last  night’s commotion. 

“It’s fine, really. I’ve had worse.” James tries to pull away but you grab his arm and bring it toward you. Eyes full of such sincerity the boy finds his mouth has gone dry. He hadn’t noticed how bad the bruising was until now. Up this close, he can see the discoloration shaping out where Noah’s fingers were. It makes his stomach turn, flashes of the image forever ingrained in his mind. He can only imagine how it must be for you. And despite your strained relationship, James Potter comes to the conclusion that he’s been awfully concerned over your well-being the past 24 hours. 

“Please, it’s the least I can do.” Silently, you unravel the fraying wrap from his hands. 

“You know it’s against school policy, James. Laying your hands on another student. I should expel you.”

“Professor-”

“No matter, I understand the reason behind your actions. While I won’t tolerate any more violence on your behalf, I think you did what was...necessary.” 

James only nods, eager to go back to his dorm hide under his duvet. It’s all been so overwhelming. The stares, the whispers, the shaky feeling he’s had all say. Knowing you must be experiencing it tenfold. 

“Now, please Mr. Potter, straight to your dormitory. And try and look as though I’ve actually disciplined you.”

James snaps out of his thoughts when you flinch. In his daze, he’d reached out toward your neck. And although you’re certain he’d never harm you, you’ve been avoiding any physical touch since the incident. 

“Sorry, so sorry.” He manages dumbly, avoiding the not so subtle gawking of his friends. They know the boy better than himself, and know when he’s smitten over someone. Fuck, had he really just thought that? 

“It’s alright. I’m still a little jumpy I guess.” You say plainly, not quite gathering the weight of your words until you notice their collective reactions. You hate it, the pitiful gazes. Looking at you as if one wrong move could break you. 

“Sirius, we have to go do that thing.” Remus grabs the former by his arm, pulling him past you and James and toward the door. Sirius, still staring at the pair of you, clutches onto any furniture that will halt his friends actions. 

“No, there is nowhere we need to be, I’m perfectly fine right here!” He shouts in a panic, seemingly enamored with the two of you. 

“It’s very urgent, the thing we need to do. See you both at dinner.” Remus hurries his farewell, tugging a pouting, squirming Sirius all the way. 

“It was just getting good!” You hear from down the hall before James shuts the door with his foot. 

“What’s gotten into them?” 

“You should know they are almost always that insufferable.” James deadpans, though there’s a faint fondness in his tone. You know he loves them much more than he’d like to admit. It’s endearing. You've just referred to James Potter as endearing...What a bizarre 24 hours. 

“I don’t think I’ve said thank you yet.” You laugh, despite the absurdity of it all. 

“No need to thank me.” He only shakes his head, watching as you pour a small container of bewitched ointment onto a cotton ball. It smells strongly of herbs and peppermint, and the muscled, supposedly tough sixth year pulls his hand away before you can dab it onto his knuckles with a small grunt.

“C’mon, I haven’t even started.” It’s the first time in a while he’s seen you genuinely smile since everything happened. You like to tease James Potter, and he likes it too. 

“Smells awful, I’ll get Remus to find a healing spell.” 

“You need topical medicine, not a spell that will ware off.” You tug at his arm once again, both shocked at the force of it, so strong he has to take a step forward. Close enough to feel the warmth emanating from you. He’d probably be able to smell your hair too, if the horrid ointment was capped. He’s once again taken aback by his own longing thoughts. Just two days ago, Potter considered you an enemy. 

He sucks his teeth when you begin to apply the medicine, doing your best to be gentle. You pause, waiting for his signal to continue. 

“Didn’t tell me it was gonna sting.”

“Would you have let me put it on if I did?” You shoot him that incredulous look again, and James has to bow his head so he can manage to speak. You’re much too intense for him to bear, he thinks. And he then understands how much trouble these feelings will get him in. 

“There is a need. To thank you, I mean.” Unable to control the shudder of your shoulders when he releases a deep, pained breath from your work. Hoping he hasn’t noticed. 

“Y/n, I already said-”

“James,” There’s his name on your lips again. And it seems the two of you recognize its foreign nature once more. “If you hadn’t stepped in he could have-” You stop yourself, swallowing hard to fight the nausea. “You and I both know what could have happened. I didn’t...I haven’t taken that gesture lightly. Let me appreciate that.” You’re stern albeit no less kind as you begin to re-wrap his knuckles. Skin grazing his as you go. He’s silent, staring so reverently it takes your breath away. “Thank you.”

“Welcome.” He whispers, and you swear you see. For only a millisecond, James Potter’s eyes avert to your lips. And you think he might kiss you. And you think you might want him to. He pushes a strand of hair from your face, leaning even closer to you. You blink, slow with a reminder breathe, as you realized you hadn’t been the last few seconds. His hand trails down to your jaw, gently tilting your head up toward him. You let your lids closing, awaiting his lips on yours at any moment.

“We should put ice on it.”

“What?” Your eyes shoot open, and James has just most definitely fucked that up.

“Your neck. There could be swelling.”  He attempts to caress the skin there, but you step back, ears burning hot with embarrassment. Why did you think he was gonna kiss you, why did you want him to?

“Oh, sure. Right.” You watch as he fumbles about to the fridge, grabbing an ice pack and wrapping it in a paper towel before outstretching his hand toward you. Internally cringing when you take et instead of allowing him to place it on you. Merlin, I’m an idiot.

“Dinner. We should go eat.” You collect yourself, moving toward the door when James nods hurriedly. 

“Right, dinner. I’m starving, actually” He fumbles horribly, wincing at the crack in his voice. “I’ll meet you down there.” You nod, reaching for the door when he stops you. 

“Y/n?” You halt instantly, turning on your heel in hopes you haven fucked up as royally as you assume. The chaser scratched the back of his neck with a pained smile. “Thank you for returning the jacket. And, uh.” He gestures with his hands in reference to the bandaging. All you manage is a tight-lipped smile. And he swears he sees a hint of moisture pricking at your eyes, mouth agape to say something, anything. But you’re out the door before he can even blink. Not hearing the flood of curses escaping his mouth after kicking the kitchen bin in a fit of anger, clutching the now throbbing foot and hopping around the room like the bumbling idiot he is. 

***********

Dinner is weird. Really weird. Sirius insists you and your girlfriends sit with the marauders. Taking you by the shoulders and sitting you right beside a silent James. Marlene and Lilly were delighted, having always wanted to sit by the boys. Though with your not-so-secret disdain for Potter had always made meals a little weird before. You’d talk mostly to Dorcas, who was always eager for good conversation if it meant she could listen and not have to talk as much as you did. You understood her quiet nature more than the other girls, and often borrowed whatever book she’d be willing to lend you in leu of shared analysis. 

But now, Dorcas was looking between you and James with a shit-eating smirk. Much like that of Remus beside her, who pretended to be more interested in the book in hand rather than the two in front of him. Pushing the food around on their plate idly, whatever bites taken were chewed slow and with deep thought. 

“This is nice,” Sirius chimes cheekily. “All of us, eating together. I think we’ve found ourselves an established group. Don’t ya think, Prongs?” 

“What?” The boy voices beside you, much too loud to be appropriate. You’re both still getting stares from some of your peers. Although most of the buzz of what’s happened having worn off, now you’re seen sitting right beside one another. Bandages and all. 

A couple of Slytherin girls make their gossip particularly obvious across the room, one of them pointing at you as the rest giggle along. You sink impossibly closer into your seat. 

“Ignore them.” James mutters, practically seething as he stares them down. “They have half a mind to start double checking the locks on their doors. Seeing as that’s the type of boys they have lingering about in their house.” He finishes dryly, doing a double take when he finally glances your way. Fists clenched in rage once more as you blink away tears. 

“He’s gone now, for good.” Marlene reassures, flicking Sirius on the forehead when he does little to conceal his searching of your teary eyes. 

“How’s it feel, the bruising. You think the ice helped any?” James asks for what is likely the tenth time since you’ve sat down. Gently knocking your arm away that tries to stop him from taking hold of your chin. Surveying the discolored skin with a deep frown. 

“Probably in the same condition as it was ten minutes ago. And the ten minutes before that.” Black deadpans, yelping when Lily kicks his shin from under the table. Smiling sweetly when you and James jerk your heads toward the commotion. 

“Let’s change topics, yeah? Remus, how’s that book you’re reading there.” The sandy-haired boy is mid bite when she asks, mortified all the attention has turned to him. 

“Lovely,” is all he manages, swallowing thickly. 

“I’m gonna head up to bed.” You announce, tossing your napkin onto your barely touched plate of food with a feigned smile. They all straighten, offering a chorus of soft- spoken ‘goodnights’ as you rise from your seat. 

“I’ll come with you.” Lilly moves to get up, but you wave your hand. 

“No need, I’ll manage. See you up there.” You gather your things before heading toward the large doors of the great hall. Pulling up the collar of your dress shirt as you feel a few pairs of eyes follow you. 

James scrambles from the table without a word, hot on your heels as you both exit. 

“Y/n, wait up. Y/n!” You cease your movements, so sudden James has to steady himself on your shoulders. You look around, glaring at a few fourth years as they gawk at you. Whispering all the way. You pul your shoulder back to leave his grasp, guilt overcoming you when a flash of hurt overcomes his features. 

“People are watching, Potter.” You mutter, paranoid eyes darting around you. James stiffens, pained by your sudden formalities. 

“So what? Let them say whatever they’re gonna say. We know what happened.” He crosses his arms, brows taught with tension. 

“It’s not that easy for me.” You defend, fiddling with your collar once again. 

“I told you to stop covering that,” James reaches out to adjust the fabric himself. Further irritated when you pull his hand away. 

“They aren’t going to spin this on you, James. You don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand, I think I’m well aware of whats gonna happen. This is all gonna blow over, and this school will be better off without that piece of shit.” 

“No!” You blench at your own volume, shaking your head before continuing. “You want to know what they’ll say Potter? That I asked for it.” James steps back, disgusted at the notion. 

“Why on Earth would they say that?”

“Because that’s what some people say to make themselves feel safer, it’s easier to blame me than him.” You shrug, throat tightening at the realization. 

“Where’s this coming from?”

“There was a note, in the girls lavatory. Dorcas tried to throw it away so I wouldn’t see but, I did.” James studies your face, awaiting you to continue with soft eyes. “Some Slytherins are saying I made it up, since Noah’s such a good Quidditch player, was gonna be captain next year.”

“Good at Quidditch player, he’s a beater thats hit three of his teammates because he can’t aim.” It forces a strained chuckle from you, and you only shake your head. 

“Doesn’t matter James, they’re saying I got him expelled for Gryffindor’s team because we’re-” You stop yourself, somehow even more uncomfortable. 

“We’re what?” He cocks his head when you motion between yourselves, sighing at his confusion. 

“That we’re together, James.” 

“Oh.” He scratches his nose, shuffling through the beats of awkward silence. 

“Yeah.” 

“Well it’s all bullshit, why are you letting it get to you?” You practically draw in on yourself at his words, fresh tears begging to escape your eyes at his unbeknownst cruelty. 

“Right, it’s all bullshit. You’re right, I should just let it go. We can get back to our normal routines and everyone will see it isn’t true.” You attempt to turn away from him, but he grabs the fabric of your robes. 

“I’m sorry,” he laughs despite himself. “Am I missing something here?”

You falter, opening your mouth to respond but not quite sure what to say. He looks genuinely distressed, and you make one last attempt at extending an opportunity. “I don’t know, are you?” He’s silent, searching your face for answers you can’t give him. Panicking at the though of losing contact despite all you’ve been through. 

“Did you mean what you said about me. In the dorms.” 

“James, I told you-”

“No, you didn’t. Do you really believe I think you’re less than me because you’re a half-blood? You really think that matters to me?”

“No, not anymore, anyway.” James smirks, stepping closer when your brows furrow in confusion at his sudden mood change. 

“So I’m not as pompous as you thought I was?”

“You most definitely have a big ego, Potter.” 

“That’s not what I asked.” He takes your jaw in his hold, eyebrows raised in teasing inquiry. You lick your lips, swallowing thickly and avoiding his eyes. 

“What d’you think they’d all say if I kissed you, then?” You almost cough, choking on your own saliva at his words. The cheeky bastard just keeps smiling, basking in your flushed demeanor. 

“Oh eat slugs, Pott-” Your interrupted with his lips on yours, lifting off of your heels to make it easier for him. James, insufferable as always, is grinning the entire time. 

“Yes! He made the first move, Remus. You owe me two galleons-” Sirius is cut off by his own whimper. What must be the lot of your spying friends shoves him into the hallway so he’s the only one caught, in which he stands speechless under your glares. 

“A sweet little first year lost her cat, you guys seen it by any chance? No matter, I’ll keep looking for it. Bloody kids always losing their pets.” And Sirius, the dope that he is, begins to make kissing noises in a meek attempt at recovery. Feigned grumbles of “here, kitty.” Echo down the hallways before you hear his fleeting footsteps. 

You press your forehead into James’ chest, utterly embarrassed and admittedly exhausted. What a bizarre 24 hours

[dreamings-free]

A deep dive into Louis Tomlinson's career, both solo and in One Direction, and how he's grown into one of pop music's most thoughtful songwriters.

Sep 3rd 2024 by Rania Aniftos

With the first quarter of the 21st century coming to an end, Billboard has been looking back on the 25 Greatest Pop Stars of the Past 25 Years. Below, we take a deeper look into the solo career of Louis Tomlinson — one of the members of our No. 22 pop stars, One Direction — and how his songwriting, originally honed in 1D, has helped him develop into one of the group’s strongest breakout artists.

When One Direction officially went on hiatus in 2015, Zayn Malik dropped Mind of Mine in 2016, Harry Styles’ eponymous LP dropped in 2017, Niall Horan followed with Flicker later that year and Liam Payne’s First Time EP arrived in 2018. Louis Tomlinson, however, took his time with releasing a full project – and entered an era of healing and self-discovery that saw him realizing his potential as one of 1D’s most self-actualized artists, even if not necessarily the starriest.

Even before going solo, Tomlinson showed he was meant for breakthrough success while in One Direction. Longtime Directioners know that Tomlinson wrote more songs in One Direction than any other member, penning long standing hits including “Perfect,” “History” and “Fool’s Gold” and proving his fortitude as a songwriter who understands lyrical cleverness and crafting the indescribably catchy refrains necessary to produce arena-ready hits. Beyond his musical abilities, Tomlinson’s sense of humor and friendship with fellow 1D members also ensured fans had a soft spot for him.

[ embedded video: One Direction - History (Official Video) ]

However, when he did go solo, the road was slippery at first. He teamed up with Steve Aoki for his first solo release “Just Hold On” in December 2016, and just three days before its release, Tomlinson’s mother died of leukemia. He still took the stage to perform the song on The X Factor, the first public testament to the star’s strength and dedication to his musical craft.

Tomlinson’s resilience amid adversity continued as he navigated the music industry. The star signed with Epic Records in 2017 and released a few singles – including “Miss You” and the Bebe Rexha and Digital Farm Animals-assisted “Back to You.” While the infectious hooks to both tracks could have easily solidified Tomlinson as a pop mainstay, the two singles didn’t perform as well as expected on the charts: “Just Hold On” peaked at No. 52 on the Billboard Hot 100 and “Back to You” hit No. 40, while “Miss You” missed the chart altogether. Ultimately, a full-length album never materialized with Epic Records.

[ embedded video: Louis Tomlinson - Back to You (Official Video) ft. Bebe Rexha ]

Tomlinson shortly got back on his feet, as he always does, and signed with Arista Records in 2019 – where he honed his talent as a songwriter, this time feeling comfortable enough to tackle more vulnerable topics in his music. His first release under the label was “Two of Us,” a heart-wrenching tribute to his late mother. “I know you’ll be looking down/ Swear I’m gonna make you proud/ I’ll be living one life for the two of us,” he sings in the chorus, giving a glimpse into what would soon become a musical career full of honesty and vulnerability.

Unfortunately, shortly after its release, another hardship struck Tomlinson’s life when his 18-year-old sister Fizzy died of an accidental overdose. Both the release of “Two of Us” and the tragedy that followed showed just how close Tomlinson’s community of fans is, as they showered him with online love and support in the months that followed.

After taking some much-deserved time to heal, he announced in August of that year that his debut solo album was on its way – and shortly after, he released a follow-up single, the rock-leaning, drumline-driven “Kill My Mind.” Tomlinson admitted that he finally found his stride. “I’m actually really proud and relieved to finally find my place, find my lane musically,” he told Hits Radio Breakfast at the time, indicating a moment of relief amid his turbulent few years.

[ embedded video: Louis Tomlinson - Kill My Mind (Official Video) ]

Tomlinson’s debut solo album, Walls, arrived in January 2020 and while it hit the Billboard 200‘s top 10, it was met with mixed reviews from critics, who suggested that the heart he wanted to portray wasn’t quite there. His growth outside of commercial success proved otherwise, as he had been spending the past few years building a solid identity not only as an artist, but also as a person. While some of the other One Direction alums are still finding their footing with their solo sounds to this day, Tomlinson grew strongly into an instrumentation-focused pop-rock artist whose lyrics go beyond the cookie cutter sentiments you might expect from a former boy band member.

And soon, all the hard work – both personally and musically – finally paid off. Faith in the Future, his 2022 sophomore solo album, debuted at No. 1 on the Official U.K. Albums Chart. In the United States, Faith In The Future debuted at No. 2 on Billboard’s Top Album Sales chart, and at No. 5 on the all-genre Billboard 200, his highest-charting set yet on both tallies. The album’s success, as well his sold-out live shows on its accompanying tour, not only showed the still-standing Directioner devotion to Tomlinson, but also made it clear that he picked up a slew of new fans along the way.

Tomlinson’s self-awareness was evident on the album’s lead single, “Bigger Than Me.” “When somebody told me I would change/ I was afraid, I don’t know why/ ‘Cause so does the world outside, I’ve realized/ It’s bigger than me,” he sings – indicating that the key for solo success all along was being himself, and letting go of the pressure that fame brings.

While Tomlinson has still yet to score the major chart hits stateside that his 1D bandmates essentially achieved right away – and has been more focused on his 28 clothing line the past couple years – he’s proven that he doesn’t need traditional pop crossover success to have a bright future ahead of him. With another couple albums and tours that continue to establish his identity and expand his artistry, it wouldn’t be shocking to see him making the jump to arenas in the not-distant future. Louis’ solo career may not have gotten off to the perfect start, but it just might end up being perfect for him in the long-term anyway.

[calfrxca]

[JUDGEMENT]

no way, cal returns from his art hiatus to post gay people and returns from hiatus for good :00 ??? no- im. im still on hiatus, my escapades to vatican city and specifically st peter's basillica last month just caused some brainworms LMFAO, i have. way too much to say about this specific piece and how my reading of the illiad and the war that killed achilles made it so much stronger

also before you ask, yes this is based on michelangelo's pietà in the vatican, dont even TRY to @ me

my yappings aside

ordo (the guy with the fuckass pipe in his chest) belongs to @gemsbokk !!!

meanings and yappings regarding this piece below the cut as usual, i dont expect anyone to read this, i just need to get this out or i'll actually EXPLODE

(upright) improvement, forgiveness, change of perspectives, absolution and rebirth

(reversed) oppression, lack of self awareness, failure, repeated mistakes, and self loathing

generally, in roman mythos as a whole, there's this whole idea that cannibalism, incest, murder, whatever, doesnt apply to the olympians because of their status as "The Divine" and any mortal who tries to do the same will be met with divine punishment from said olympians [many times, a mortal's fatal flaw is hubris, see achilles who believed he was immortal and a god because of how successful he was on the battlefield; icarus who flew too close to the sun and died, a literal modern day saying in the west for man's own hubris, etc] and if i remember correctly, some renditions of the illiad depict the myceaneans as cannibals. the war that killed achilles specifically writes:

"In the apocryphal Acts of Andres (dating to the 3rd century A.D.), there is 'a city of the cannibals,' which is identified as Myrmidon; it is possible that this account taps into some more ancient, and savage, lost tradition."

and my recent escapades to the roman colosseum revealed that the romans regularly consumed blood because they believed it had health benefits to it and they thought it cured epilepsy [paper written by the NBCI on this topic]; is there any historical basis proving that the consumption of blood actually had health benefits? no clue, nor do i really feel like checking these exact logistics at the moment (but if anyone does, feel free to @ me about it, i love weird historical shit like this), the actual effects behind it are moot, what's relevant here is the idea

the idea of consumption and cannibalism turning one into a god have the same effects as how, in greek mythos, the gods were often depicted engaging in acts such as incest, cannibalism, whatever, acts that we as mortals define as "immoral" and "unjust," not only just to seperate them from humans but also show that morals are a very fickle, human thing

anyways, my point here is there's something so raw about tacet losing it to the point he's not even just eating mechanical parts, but he's also eating organic parts, see: organic hearts, guts, kidneys, the like

"No matter how many men you eat boy, you will not be a god."

i mean tacet himself masks his desperation for touch and sensuality with literal blood and guts, which then creates a feedback loop of violence and death, which is a reoccurring theme in greek tragedies; specifically observed and mentioned in emily wilson's translation of the illiad:

"When a man is slain in times of peace, families can gain partial compensation for their loss by exacting a blood-price from the killer. Killers may also be forced to leave the community and take refuge elsewhere, as Patroclus did as a boy after he accidentally killed another boy in an argument over a game; he was adopted by his cousin Peleus and raised beside Achilles, like an older brother. In such cases, the killer's loss of his original home comforts the family in their need for vengeance. But in war, killers recognize no binding obligation to compensate the families of their victims. The only way the bereaved can recoup their losses is to kill the killer—whose comrades will demand vengeance in their turn. Killing begets killing, death begets death, and every loss of life generates further loss of life."

another instance is observed in the emily wilson translation here:

"When it is too late to save a warrior's life, friends and kinsmen may be able at least to save his weapons and his armor. If those have been stripped, the companions of the dead man may at least save his body."

there's a certain trope found in media, especially queer media where cannibalism and consumption are a common metaphor for love (see hannibal and interview with a vampire), and considering their dynamic was written in the midst of a hannibal brainrot im not exactly surprised there's a lot of similarities here

namely, tacet was a cannibalism from the start, starting drinking energon just as a more cost and time efficient way to staying fueled, but it turned into an addiction and eventually was lauded as something holy (there's something to be said here about the christian idea of wine and crackers being symbols of christ's blood and body; communion, the eucharist, whatever); i cant remember if this was canon or not so don't quote me on this

but at some point, tacet convinced ordo to try cannibalism as well, just to "see what would happen," went well enough until ordo got the fuckass pipe in his chest; something something play on the idea of cannibalism is only reserved for the divine; ordo died and tacet lost ordo

queer tragedy is very much a phenomenon found in greek and roman mythos, and well. this feels like it fits

alright im done yapping for now, my head hurts now, thanks for listening to my ted talk

here's some pics from rome and venice as a thanks LMFAO

i'll add image IDs to these once my headache goes away I PROMISE

[sundrop-writes]

Sunny's Post-Hiatus Fanfiction Schedule

So, I just finished another fic (but I am still in the living hell limbo of moving and I need the distraction) - and the 'Coming Soon' section of my pinned is getting way too long. So I'm gonna keep updating this post, and I'm gonna have this linked in my pinned as the general collection of my WIPs and things I have written during the hiatus. Also there will be more updates about WIPs and discussions about what I'm working on over on @tenpintsof-sundrop. And I will link the completed fics on this post when they are done and posted.

Again, if you want to see a preview for any fic that doesn't already have one, feel free to ask. When I get back from my hiatus officially, I will be posting a poll to determine which fic will be edited in order to be posted first, so when you read over this list, think of which fic you are looking forward to most so that you can have your answer. If you want to be tagged in any of these fics when they come out, info about taglists is right here.

Heaven’s Gate - Daryl Dixon x GN!Reader. Strangers to Lovers/Lovers Reunited. Emotional Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Fluff. Set during Seasons 1-5. You and Daryl get seperated when the Prison falls, and both believe the other person to be dead. But you can't let go of the things your relationship taught you. Eventually, when you're reunited - it's like you never missed a moment apart. (17,100 words est.) - NOW POSTED

Untitled Daryl PWP - Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader. Established Relationship. Set during Season 4. Daryl gets jealous, and takes it out on you. (2,300 words est.) - NOW POSTED

Some Kind Of Disaster - Gally (TMR) x Fem!Reader. Best Friends to Lovers/Lovers Reunited. Emotional Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Smut. Set during The Death Cure. You had every reason to believe Gally was dead, so when a mysterious stranger pulls off his mask and reveals himself to be the one person you had been missing so badly - you are shocked. And then you show him just how badly you had been missing him. (6,800 words est.) - PREVIEW HERE

English Blood // American Heartache - Gally (TMR) x Fem!Reader x Newt (TMR). Established Monogamous Relationship to Polyamory. (Very slight) Emotional Angst and Smut. Set post Death Cure/Safe Haven Era. Newt Lives AU. (Sequel to the above fic.) When you get to the Safe Haven, you believe that you have everything you ever wanted, everything you ever needed. So why do you have a nagging feeling that something is missing? Turns out, that 'missing' thing was the addition of your best friend Newt to your bed, which your boyfriend Gally is more than happy to provide. (20,300 words est.)

Trouble Is - Thomas (TMR) x Fem!Reader. (Pining) Friends to Lovers. Smut/PWP. Sex Pollen. Set during The Scorch Trials. Just as the group finds safety outside of the Maze, you are separated off from everyone as the only girl, and not being able to see you slowly drives Thomas insane. Until one day, he's locked in a room with you - but there's nothing suspicious about that, right? (6,900 words est.) - PREVIEW HERE

BRAINWASHED - Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader. Pining Best Friends/One-Sided Fantasies. Smut/PWP. Panty Stealing. Stiles has been in love with you for as long as he can remember, and since you both hit high school, that love has become perverted by hormones. But he can't help it. He also can't seem to help it when he steals a pair of your underwear that were seemingly laid out for him - but he can't get too caught up in the logistics when he has a hand around his cock. (6,900 words est.) - NOW POSTED

Stupid For You - Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader. Pining Best Friends to Lovers. Smut/PWP. Sequel to the above fic. Stiles still has your underwear that he stole, and he accidentally drops them in the locker room - in front of the entire lacrosse team. He lies and says that he got them from a hook-up with you, and surprisingly - you cover for him? But only on the condition that you can turn his lie into the truth. (10,200 words est.)

Blood In The Water - Void!Stiles x Fem!Reader. (Pining) Best Friends to 'Lovers'. Pure Angst. Set during Season 3 (with flashbacks to Season 1). When Void takes control, you worry about the damage that he's inevitably doing to Stiles's body. So you make a deal with him - if he lets Stiles eat, then you'll feed Void with some of your pain. But it's not cuts or broken bones that he wants from you - it's your tears. (8,400 words est.) - FANFIC MOODBOARD HERE

Untitled Isaac Smut Blurb - Sub!Isaac Lahey x Dom!GN!Reader. Established FWB Relationship. Smut/PWP. Set during Season 2. You tell Isaac that he needs to relax, and then you show him the perfect way to do just that. (2,100 words est.)  - NOW POSTED

Freak Like Me - Dom!Lydia Martin x Sub!GN!Reader. Established FWB Relationship. Smut/PWP. Set during Season 2. Jackson may have broken up with Lydia, but his loss is absolutely your gain. (2,100 words est.)

Why Am I The One? - Isaac Lahey x Fem!Reader. Exes to Lovers. Emotional Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Smut. Set just post Season 3, Episode 4. After Issac is kicked out of Derek's apartment with no reasoning and nowhere to go, he comes through a rainstorm soaking wet and finds his way to you. Freezing, alone, and looking desperate and sad - will you turn him away after cheating on you, or will you forgive him like you always do? (13,000 words est.)

[sparklepocalypse]

And now for something I haven't done in an age (mostly because of that, you know, dozen-year hiatus from being active in fandom, which ended abruptly this fall)...

It's Fic Rec Friday!! I'm going to try to do this every other Friday (if not every Friday; TBH it really depends on my brain at the end of a given work week...), and share the links to 5-ish of my favorite fics. These will likely be multifandom rec posts pretty frequently, so just a heads up there, but I'll clearly mark each fandom included and chunk the recs out that way in the posts.

Will I rec new fics? Seems likely! Will I rec old fics? Signs point to yes! Will I rec WIPs? Probably just completed fics for now, but we'll see! Will I be effusive in my praise of the fics I rec? Absolutely!

Recs after the jump to save you a scroll...

Red, White & Royal Blue

With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest) by @kiwiana-writes [Alex/Henry acting AU | rated E | 65.5k words] Former child star Alex meets theatre graduate Henry in a queer stage reimagining of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing.

This is the first fic that I ever yelled at MJ about, and there's been plenty of yelling since then. It checks all the boxes: it's an AU (my beloved!); there's a heap of drama on and offstage; there's big huge romance; there's really delightful humor. Also, you will feel the need to give their Henry a hug. The way MJ writes Alex and Henry always reaches into my brain and scratches it in the right place, and they'll absolutely be a frequent flyer in these rec lists.

Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood by @cha-melodius [Alex/Henry corporate AU | E | 20k words] Alex and Henry are colleagues who can't stand one another. They're assigned to mandatory reconciliation by their boss, but their therapist assumes it's actually couples' therapy, and well... things escalate from there.

How do I love this fic? Let me count the ways... after I crash-landed into the RWRB fandom this fall, this is one of the fics that really stood out to me when I was sort of frantically trying to digest all the M and E-rated (I know, super shocking) fic that the fandom had to offer. Sara always handles her characters with such care, regardless of the situation she throws them into, and couples' therapy that's not supposed to be couples' therapy is no different.

What Do I Know? by @three-drink-amy [Alex/Henry amnesia AU | E | 83.6k words] Alex has a serious car accident and wakes up a week later in the hospital with no memory of the past five years. He's shocked to learn that he and Henry are married, because they hate each other... right?

Put on your favorite angst pants for this one, because it's going to hurt. I absolutely had to pause and cry during this fic, but it's so, so well written that I can forgive the face leakage. And the promised happy ending absolutely delivers! Just, you know. Brace yourself because ouch.

Star Trek

How High the Moon by kyliselle [Kirk/Spock AOS AU | E | 37.7k words] After the destruction of Vulcan, Spock shielded his mind to protect it from his broken bond with T'Pring. Little did he know another bond had already formed in its place.

This is the first Star Trek (2009 Abramsverse) fic that made me absolutely feral, and I share it now with you because it's just that good. I'm a little bummed that the author hasn't claimed it on AO3 following the original archive being shut down, because I would love to yell at them on AO3 about it and know that they see the comments. But it's so good. I am a huge sucker for soulbonds, and Vulcan bonds in particular where they've got the telepathic component, and accidental Vulcan bonds in particular in particular, and this fic absolutely delivers. Angst galore, though, so just like with the previous rec, you'll need your angst pants.

Smallville

When a Strawberry is Pushed into a Mountain by Thamiris [Clark Kent/Lex Luthor | E | 33.1k words] While studying at Metropolis University, Clark takes a literature class and, with Lex's help, finds a new appreciation for poetry.

If you have an appreciation for Beat poetry, beautiful phrasing, and the DCU/Smallville, you'll love this fic. Thamiris was an incredibly talented writer who unfortunately passed away in 2007, but a group of her friends ensured that we'd have access to her writing in perpetuity by archiving it for her on AO3. This fic was one of the influences of the body calligraphy and intercrural sex fics I wrote for Kinktober 2023; just gorgeous, gorgeous prose altogether.

[holystressresponsebatman]

So, recently I’ve started watching the 03 TMNT after a hiatus of like…5ish years, I wanna say? Anyway, I was watching the season 3 finale, “Exodus,” and I had a thought: Did the writers not know if they were going to get another season?

Think about it for a minute. And please bear in mind that I have not even done ANY sort of surface-level Googling on the subject. But. The way everything just wraps up?

Like, Shredder is banished to an ice asteroid prison, something that seems reasonably inescapable, even if you are an evil mastermind who committed warmongering on several planets.

Karai and Dr. Chaplain are sent back to earth, presumably with a little sticky note that says, “Arrest me,” taped to their backs.

And they don’t show it explicitly, but it can be assumed that after the Utrom help the turtles and Master Splinter heal more thoroughly from their injuries, they are sent home without a fuss, a muss, or a coconut (I have no idea if this was just something my mom used to say or if it’s a reference to something, but I’m using it anyway).

Anyway, all this to say, most of the pressing plot lines were neatly tied up in a bow, except for the Bishop line. (But, considering the darker nature of his villainous character, I’m not too sure very many parents would have been thrilled with his introduction anyway, especially after the—comparatively—tame action of the first two seasons. In my opinion, after his character was introduced, it gave the show a silent permission to enter into a more grim and dark tone—one that isn’t exactly the first thing you’d think of with a G-rated kids’ cartoon). But if they weren’t certain about getting picked up for another season, then their obvious choice would be to sacrifice the storyline of a new villain so that they could wrap up a 3-season long main villain line if they needed to.

Anywho, like I said, I have not researched this IN THE SLIGHTEST, so I’m simply having a late-night speculating session. But that’s my thoughts on that.

Has anybody heard anything about this? Because it’s entirely possible I’m just reading too much into this. I’ve heard from a long time ago that the show did very well and wasn’t in danger of being discontinued until the very end when people got tired of the turtles.

Also, I accidentally made a poll and can’t get rid of it, so I decided to just use it! Poll below the cut :)

[misseligon]

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY TO THE HELL TO PAY PILOT!!

God, a whole year just went by??? Doesn't feel real honestly... I didn't expect to jump from just 15 subscribers on youtube to 739 in just a year! A lot has happened over the year. I graduated from college and got my Bachelor's Degree, I got to see my mom's side of the family for the first time in my life. And my peepee brain was busy taking a half year hiatus whilst also hyper fixating on a lot of different crap.

I got to brainstorm more what I want for Hell to Pay. Ik you guys were asking for a full animated series but i'm gonna be honest here... the pilot was written and animated all by me, and I had my online and college friends help voice act the pilot for a final. I don't really intend to continue the series animated-wise because that requires a bigger team and a budget and I... don't have the latter.

I've always wanted to continue the story as a webcomic b/c I have an easier time getting the story out at a faster pace compared to another 40-minute animatic episode that'll take another half year to get done... and trust me if I continued at that pace I think Hell to Pay would be incomplete by the time I turn 80 years old and keel over.

Unfortunately for my little baby project's first birthday, I don't exactly have much to give here, since i've been extremely busy storyboarding and drawing concepts for the next episode. But for you guys I can give you the synopsis of the first 5-ish episodes!

BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO SUMMONING

In his second day in the afterlife, Profundus has to learn the ways of haunting in order to make a living not only from the three demons whom he met yesterday, but 10 more demons who Mollis brought in for extra help. Meeting new faces, witnessing more traumatic ways how to torture the living, Profundus finds out that being summoned by the living could bring him closer to finding his home universe and locate his wife Honey. But what happens if the first time he's summoned he gets trapped by a group of demon-worshipping college students?

CE N'EST PAS UN TRAVAIL

Profundus needs to find a job on top of his haunting duties in order to make a much more stable living, starting from rock bottom. After failing to find a suitable job from his "friends", he's offered a job as a still-life model from a self-proclaimed "Dadaist" named Clades. Upon hearing the demoness' name, Infortunii and co. warn of how infamous and dangerous Clades can be. Can Profundus quit his job on time before Clades and her followers lead Profundus into certain death?

PRISONER OF THE BODY

Attending classes on spells for newly deceased demons, Mollis teaches the easiest lesson for demons, possession. Concocting a plan to find a way into his universe and get a chance to speak to Honey one last time, Profundus plans to possess a mortal and meet up with Honey as said mortal. But plans go awry once Profundus accidentally kills the body of the man he was possessing and is trapped inside his body. Can the gang help pull Profundus out of this predicament?

BOX BITCH

Having no choice, Infortunii has to let an old acquaintance move in with her and Profundus after Box Bitch's landlord kicks them out (Fyi, their name is not actually Box Bitch, that's Infortunii's unaffectionate nickname for them). Times get tough when Box Bitch becomes an unbearable roommate and troubles both demons living under her roof, but tension rises once Box Bitch brings up that Infortunii used to be the life of a party, now she's a sanitized wet blanket, which easily ticks her off. What happened to Infortunii that soured her relationship with an old friend?

-SPOILER EPISODE, ONCE REVEALED POST BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO SUMMONING-

FALLEN

News riles up in the afterlife, an angel has been banished from Caelestia and has fallen down to Damnatio! Taken in by Mollis and into safety, the fallen angel introduces herself as Lapis. Seeing her as the closest thing to a holy being, Profundus tries to bond with Lapis, claiming both have common ground in this hellish afterlife. Selfish motives aside, could Profundus and co. help and protect a struggling Lapis adjust in the afterlife?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hell to Pay as a series is planned to have 4 seasons/books. The first season/book is planned to have 33 chapters, idk how long it'll take to finish the first book, but a few years is definitely the most realistic expectation.

Thank you guys so much again for all your support and dedication! I'd like to thank all my friends and partners who made this whole project become a reality, and I hope to see you guys again soon! Check back on my tumblr for more future news about Hell to Pay! See you guys real soon!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[mrsreginagold]

I need to edit my weekly Nikari, but what happened yesterday regarding my accidental stumbling across a hater (either of my ship or just of me "spamming" the category on AO3, who knows but I'm not interacting with them to find out), started this cycle of self-doubt that's plagued me for years in fandom. And I need to ramble to exorcise it from my system.

Generally my experience has been that I get swept under the rug. Whether it's because I ship something rare or from a defunct fandom, I sadly have gotten used to being ignored. But it's also what's always made me hesitant to post my work somewhere more public than I'm comfortable with.

Back in my OUAT days, it took a *lot* to get me to finally start posting Golden Queen over on fanfiction.net. When I eventually got brave enough for AO3, I began with a small Star Wars ship that only mildly took off, and then moved on to my beloved Calibessa from Penny Dreadful.

My public posting hiatus occurred when I finally got fed up -- mostly due to the fallout of canon Golden Queen and an influx of explicit fic gaining more popularity by default than the virtual library I had been creating for years, I think anyone could understand me getting just a smidge bitter. But instead of bemoaning I took my leave. I was starting to suffer from some burn out anyway, so it was a good time to quietly exit.

I was fairly content taking a break and then slowly writing for myself again. I had ships that I enjoyed making private content for, and over the next few years I regained my passion for something that I consider a deep part of who I am: which is creating in general.

Then I got into Nikita, and Nikari came along.

You have to understand that I had not had a ship drive me the way they did since Calibessa. Sure I had some new pairings come along that I loved. I also delved back into beloved older pairs for variety. But Nikari just...sparked something in me that I can't fully explain.

I am incredibly grateful that I met some lovely souls in the Peter Outerbridge tag who coaxed me into sharing my work again. You all know who you are and your opinions are the ones that actually matter to me. The only reason I'm feeling any hurt and anger right now is because people just don't know how to be polite about pairings anymore. Bring back the term squick. It gets the point across without sounding rude.

Full disclosure: Pirahnashipping squicks me. Hell, John Kramer in general squicks me (though kudos to Tobin for his iconic performances in the role). I don't go bemoaning the fact that most of the content for William Easton is that, because I know it's what makes other people happy. I block/mute as appropriate, write my silly self indulgent crack ship for Will, and go on my merry way. It is *incredibly* simple.

The TL:DR of this is that it's very important to recognize that what you may view as a yuck is another person's yum, and that there is a person with feelings at the other end of the screen.

Anyway that's all for now. I've wasted enough time and must go edit now.

Oh and who knows if I'll ever properly archive my other works for other fandoms on AO3. If someone can get all up in a twist over Nikari, I shudder to think what Golden Queen or my tokusatsu based het will do.