#also in case anyone doesn't know the reason why some of these gifs have a kelofthesea water mark is that used to be my twt

[chronicbeans]

Romantic Lucifer x Overly Kind and Sweet Sinner Reader Headcanons

I love him so much OMG. I wanted to play around with this dynamic to lol. Basically the exact opposite of the type of sinner he's probably used to seeing.

TW: Mentions of depression and anxiety, angst and fluff, mentions of past relationships

• Chances are, you're very much a dreamer. Any type of dream, too, not just the desire to strike change in the world around you. Be it daydreams, goals, hopes, or anything along those lines, you're probably a dreamer. Those characteristics in a person are what catches his attention. He used to be that type of person, before everything changed once he was cast out. Although he doesn't necessarily like dreaming, anymore, he can appreciate it when others do it. Now, most of his own dreams are just concerned worries for his daughter's safety, longings to fix his relationship with her, and creating the worst case scenarios for his life. It's pretty obvious why he doesn't like to dwell on his own dreams...

• Your dreams, however, are rather interesting to him. Especially since you are a sinner and were not born into Hell. He doesn't necessarily look at sinners very highly, however, you are pretty different. You aren't a bad person, or at least not as bad as the rest of the sinners he's met. And the things you dream of? They're amazing. It's not that they're something he's never heard of, either. It's just that he's never heard of them from a sinner, before, or anyone else in Hell.

• As odd as it sounds, your dreams, even if they're just stories you've dreamed up or a hope to better yourself in some small way, give him a little glimmer of hope. He lost all hope over the years of him being in Hell, in large part due to seeing the worst in humanity... The sinners. So, despite him feeling different towards you, don't expect him to actually like you. You also shouldn't expect him to actually feel very hopeful just by you being so different. It's more like a little piece of coal that's gotten a bit hot, but hasn't sparked or ben set alight, yet. He barely even notices it's there.

• What you should expect, however, is for him to spend more time around you. He wants to see you fail to change his mind, or live up to the tiny hope that you're different and can live up to fulfill your dreams. He wants to see you slip up and show that you're not really this kind person you show yourself to be, and then be able to go on his way proudly, knowing that his depressive views on sinners are right. He doesn't even have the intention of using it to prove to Charlie, his daughter, that sinners are irredeemable. He just wants to snuff out what little hope he has before it can stand up and hurt him in the long run.

• That's not the case, however. Not at all. Instead, you just keep being kind. You check into his daughter's hotel to try to better yourself. This results in him spending far more time at the Hazbin Hotel, since now you're there, as well as causing him to spend more time with Charlie. He watches you genuinely try to get better, give Charlie pep talks to lift her up when she's down, and even try to get along with Niffty. It's a truly strange sight to behold for him... A sinner who is so kind and relaxed. He's truly wondering why you are in Hell, at this point.

• Though, the breaking point is when he overhears a conversation between you and Charlie. One that involved how you heard about the Hazbin Hotel, how you met Lucifer, and why you decided to try to see if the hotel could help you. Shockingly, you list off the fact that you wanted to see if you visiting the hotel could bring Lucifer over to visit, since you had noticed how he seemed to hang around you, and you wanted to see if it could help him and Charlie spend more time together as a reason for you going to the hotel. That, alongside the generic reasons of wanting to better yourself, needing a roof over your head, and wanting to possibly see if you could go to Heaven.

• In that moment, he tenses up, looks over towards your direction for a brief moment, then pretends like he didn't hear a thing. He doesn't know how to respond to such a thing. It's so overwhelmingly... selfless of you to even think of the fact that you coming to the hotel would also have the chance of helping Charlie and himself. That, and he's also embarrassed of the fact that you noticed him showing up a bit more often in your life, despite you two still being acquaintances. Then again, thinking it through, it should've been obvious. Not only is he royalty, he is the Lucifer. Everybody has probably heard about him, or the whole story about the Garden of Eden. So, the snake and apple themes of his outfit do help people who do not know what he looks like be able to identify that it's him. He was that famous snake. He is Lucifer.

• That's when he finally decides to let himself hope. Not necessarily for himself, for any other demon, for the sinners as a whole... Not even for you to better yourself and reach your dreams. No. He's just going to let himself hope that this you that you portray yourself as is the real you. This likeable person you seem to be may be real. So, he decides to officially consider you a friend. He lets himself loosen up, crack a few jokes, show you his duck collection... Or at least a few of them. It would be difficult to bring his entire collection to the hotel.

• Throughout it all, your kind self stays the same. There are times you seem to be angry, frustrated, or saddened, of course. However, that kindness always shows through, as well as your dreams and hopes. You ramble about those two topics, even acknowledging that while Lucifer may not believe in you, you do and that's all you need. Not only that, but you even show interest in the things he talks about. You point out your favorite rubber ducks in his collection, you listen to him as he plays music, you crack your own jokes in response to his. You even try to fill him in on a few of Charlie's interests to help him understand her better.

• Slowly, overtime, he begins to feel very conflicted... He can tell that he's beginning to feel more romantic emotions towards you. Yes, Lilith has been missing for several years, now. They're practically, if not, already separated. He's unsure of whether or not she's even going to return, much less if she'd be the same person she fell for. He mostly just worries about how Charlie would feel if she found out. Sure, their relationship isn't the best, still, but it's getting better. He doesn't want to accidentally mess it up by having moved on to someone else. Sure, Lilith hasn't talked to either of them in a long time, but he wouldn't be surprised if Charlie still love, cares for, and looks up to her mother. Nor would he be upset. Lilith was an amazing woman, after all...

• However... Lucifer knows all too well, by now, that simply not confronting the problem won't make it go away. He's ran away from many of his problems, or just hid from them, and it hasn't helped him. So, he takes the leap to ask if you are currently looking for a relationship. He silently crosses his fingers, hoping that it's a yes, maybe, you're open to one but not searching... anything but a no...

• And it's a yes! You can practically see him looking relieved as you do so. You can already guess at this point what his next question is going to be, so you decide to pop it yourself, asking if he wants to go on a date sometime. He practically looks like he's about to have a heart attack, having not expected or planned for you to ask him first, nodding happily with a shocked expression. However, he feels the need to wait until he sees how Charlie feels about everything before planning and scheduling it all out.

• However, once you do end up going on your date, it's not what you expected from a ruler of Hell. It's not bad, though. If anything, it's better! You were slightly scared he'd feel the need to be overly stuffy and formal to impress you. Instead, he brought you to his place to have some homemade dinner. It's just you, him, a rubber duck, and some nice food. Yes, he brought a rubber duck with him to the table. It's his security duck. It's so unapologetically him and that's what you love about him. His personality. The moment he placed that duck into the dinner table and said what it was for, all your worries were washed away.

• Your relationship is filled with a mixture of your own interests and his combining in fun and quirky ways, as well as more soft and emotional moments. You love to listen to his jokes and music, he loves to engage in whatever interests you have, and he comes up with amazing ways to mix the two of your interests to make the relationship feel more special. Do you love to write or make art, like paintings, pottery, or drawings? He'll write music based on your works, be it the stories you create or the emotions your art conveys. Do you like to collect something as a hobby? He likes to collect his rubber ducks, so you both can spend time chatting together about each other's collections, or even set them up in cute positions and take photos of them together! Is it gardening you like? Maybe you can try growing an apple tree, then you two can try making caramel apples with them!

• With all those cute moments, though, do come the downsides... Though, you never let them stop you. He has his moments where his fears, anxieties, and sadness do take over. He's scared of losing you, be it you breaking it off with him of, worse yet, Heaven taking you away. He's scared of you seeing any flaws in him. He's scared that you might be upset that, even if he knows he was ready to move on from Lilith, he does still miss her. After all, a relationship may end quickly, but feelings can linger for decades... However, he's worried you might not understand that. Time and time again, however, you still find new ways to shock and lift him up, again. Be it you letting your actions speak for themselves, you talking to him, or you simply listening to him vent about it. It's gotten to the point where you can look at him, and just tell when he's not alright, which you are pretty proud of.

• Usually, when he's upset, you can find him talking to his ducks about it. That, or playing music... usually to his ducks. If you couldn't tell, his ducks are a huge form of comfort for him. They can't judge him, they can't talk back in anyway that makes him upset, and they can't leave him. Plus, he's so used to talking to them when he's alone, that it's just second nature to do so.

• He has a lot of fears and insecurities. Though, he has two major ones. One is that you're going to hate him for still missing Lilith, sometimes. As mentioned earlier, a relationship doesn't just fizzle out quickly, usually. She just left, one day, and he's pretty much stuck dealing with his emotions for her for as long as they last, at this point not even sure if she'll come back to talk to her daughter, much less him. Just because he still misses her, though, doesn't mean he doesn't love you... He's terrified that you might not understand that, though. He's usually reassured, though, by you showing an understanding of his situation and the fact that he does truly care and love for you...

• However... the other fear he has is that Heaven might take you away. Be it an extermination killing you, or what he personally sees as worse, you being redeemed and going to Heaven, or Heaven taking you for some other reason. Sure, you'd be dead if you got killed during an extermination, but at least he'd have the chance to protect you from it. You being redeemed or being taken to Heaven for whatever reason, though? That's never really happened, before. It may or may not be possible, but if it is, he doesn't know what to expect? What if God, himself, comes down to take you to Heaven? He's fought Him, once, and failed miserably. He can't protect you from that, and if you go to Heaven, who knows if he'd see you again? It'd be like Lilith going missing all over, again, but worse because he knows where you are and that he can't join you. You're so kind and sweet that Lucifer can't even use the thought of you being irredeemable to calm himself... Sometimes, actually, he even wonders if God put you in Hell on accident.

• Oftentimes when you hear him talk about this, you try to think of some sort of reply. You are trying to better yourself, yes. You did go to the Hazbin Hotel to try to be redeemed, even if you did leave it to stay with Lucifer. You are also more than aware that you're drastically different from all the other sinners. The only real reply you can think of is that you wouldn't want to leave him, so why would God try to take you away when you care about Lucifer more than Him? You aren't necessarily sure just how much it helps, but it is something, which you hope is better than nothing.

[vidavalor]

Remembrance of Things Past

Aziraphale's scent-oriented, mindful moments in Good Omens also might be something else as well-- an attempt to circumvent the potential taking of his memories by Heaven. He might be trying to create for the future what are known as madeleine memories or involuntary memories-- the sudden rush of a memory prompted by a certain taste or, especially, by a particular scent.

On Aziraphale trying to get around Heaven by setting up triggers for The Proust Effect under the cut.

I wrote a post awhile back about how I think one of the reasons why Aziraphale keeps a journal is as a way of having something that Crowley can show to him in the event that Heaven takes his memories. While reading something doesn't necessarily trigger a memory itself-- it can but it's not guaranteed-- I think there might be other things they are doing as well that they think might be effective in different ways when it comes to helping Aziraphale retain his memory. The biggest might be actively trying to create for the future what are known as madeleine memories or involuntary memories.

Understanding of involuntary memory? It comes from the extremely Aziraphale intersection of food, the French, literature and psychology...

For anyone who does not already know about involuntary memory:

In 1913, French writer Marcel Proust published the first volume in his 'In Search of Lost Time' series and it contained a passage about the power of memory so descriptive and that resonated with so many that it got scientists to actually study and prove the validity of the connection between scent and memory about which he wrote. Proust had his narrator in the novel describe how, after dipping a lime madeleine into a pot of tea, the scent and taste of eating the madeleine brought him instantly back to a specific time in his youth when his aunt would serve them to him while he was recovering from illness as a boy. He remembered details about her house and their time together, sounds and scenes that had dimmed or been forgotten entirely... all triggered by his mind upon smelling and tasting the specific combination of flavors of the tea-dipped lime madeleine.

Most of us have probably experienced something like this and scientists have since confirmed that it's a very real phenomenon, probably rooted in our need to be able to recognize danger by scent. They have also found that, in some cases and to a slightly lesser degree, hearing specific pieces of music can also bring about a similar sense of memory. Scent, though, remains the best possible trigger for memory.

I can't imagine that after seeing Crowley struggle with his own memory for so long and knowing that it could happen to him, too, that Aziraphale wouldn't be trying everything he could think of to be prepared for the possibility that it might.

In a story that has so much focus on memory-- and in a way that seems to potentially foreshadow that Aziraphale might (temporarily) lose his before the story is over-- there also are scenes that might suggest that Aziraphale's mindful moments might also be an attempt at trying to associate moments with scent in an effort to get around Heaven and retain as much of his memory as he can in the future.

But that's only one part of it... The other part is how he and Crowley are shown to consistently tie times in the present to times in their past.

There are many reasons for doing so and we looked at some of them in other metas but another one might be as a way of trying to connect memories together in a way that, should Aziraphale lose his memories in the future, if one could be triggered with a madeleine memory, then other memories connected to it might follow.

In the first episode, Aziraphale's mindful, sensual eating experience involves breathing in the scent of the sushi with his eyes closed, as if committing it to memory. The evening, as we looked at in the Fish meta, was supposed to be a dinner with Crowley tied to their time in ancient Rome. Breathing in brine and alcohol and salt like Aziraphale is here might also be a way of trying to literally tie these scents to his memories of the scents of oysters and wine in Rome so as to not forget either.

In the parallel to the sushi scene in 1.01, Aziraphale is shown in S2 to breathe in Goldstone's when he and Crowley go there in the present. It's part of the mindful experience for him in the moment but it could also serve as a way of trying to remember the events of both the present and 1941 in the future.

Crowley also breathes in Goldstone's in the present in S2. It's something they both do without even looking at one another in the scene and just kind of know the other is, indicating that this is just a thing they do. Both of them do it instinctively, like the rampant sensualists using elements of mindfulness to work through trauma that they are lol. Aziraphale's eyes are again closed and I would bet that he's as much willing himself to never fully forget his human magic love and 1941 in the future as he is reliving memories of the past.

This scene is a really interesting inclusion because while it's set in our present of S2, it's really about the past and the future. No one has any trouble believing that they're both thinking of 1941 here, even as they're here in the present, and both of them are utilizing techniques both related to the present (mindfulness) to connect with memories of the past (Proust Effect/involuntary memory.) What else might be true as well is that they don't just do this for the past and the present moments but for potential future ones as well.

Then there's this...

There are two scenes-- one in each season-- that focus on Crowley's unsurprisingly amazing scent. While memory wouldn't be the only reason why Crowley would smell great lol, both scenes suggest that Crowley's scent is unique and distinguishable. Sandalphon can smell it as being different from Aziraphale's cologne in S1 and Shax... a paralleling character to Aziraphale, played by the actress who played the character with whom Aziraphale shared a brain in S1... well, Shax is into it. Girl's in a dead faint to a point of straight up huffing him.

While there are others, one reason for this scene, though, could be that it parallels the fact that Aziraphale actually does this sometimes, if in a decidedly less ick way than Shax did lol. Part of why Crowley's been wearing the same, apparently quite appealing, scent for awhile now could be out of an effort to help Aziraphale's mind create enough associations between Crowley's scent and Aziraphale's memories that Crowley himself might be able to trigger some of Aziraphale's memories just by his presence alone.

It's also then interesting-- and potentially a little eerie-- that the only time Aziraphale eats or drinks anything in the present in S2 is when he drinks a few sips of a cup of tea to introduce Muriel to the drink and the custom. This is just after Muriel showed up at the door and failed to recognize Aziraphale, even though he recognized them, in one of several scenes that suggest that Muriel had their memories taken from them at some point. The two characters parallel one another pretty strongly. The difference could well wind up becoming that Aziraphale is able to retain more of his memories because he and Crowley have been working for years to find ways to get around Heaven... and they're using knowledge uncovered by humans to save what they can of Aziraphale's memories.

Or, as Nina would put it:

[lampochkaart]

Kokichi is asexual and you can't change my mind (and Kaito is an ace too 'cause i said so)

Here is why i think that way

Disclaimer! This post is not created to judge or shame anyone. I created it to explain why i think about them in that way and maybe try to make this headcanon to be more popular. I might sound kinda salty at times here but in general I don't mean to hurt anybody.

It kinda confuses me why so often Kokichi portrayed a little bit too intrested in making sexual comments and jokes. I probably shouldn't be surprised, because I know that we live in a sex obsessed world. I'm kinda used to it at this point. But I think people kinda exaggerate it.

In actual game he doesn't make sexual comments and jokes THAT often and 90% of the time they are directed at Miu who is the MAIN sourse of them in game. I even think that he would not say so many of those things if Miu wouldn't be starting it first.

He even get's confused for a second when Gonta tells him he couldn't catch Miu for Insect Meet and Greet because his "face got hot".

And in bonus mode Dangan Salmon Team he isn't particularly intrested in that either. In most cases when the player chooses sexual option even though the game states that it was a good option Kokichi will often just change the coversation to a different topic. Yeah, they had fun, but they didn't really talk that much about initial chosen option.

"Let's read a dirty book."

"How about joining my organization instead?" *starts rambling about his organization*

And yes, I REFUSE to call this protag Shuichi. This is NOT my favorite protagonist. He would not fucking say this.

Look how they massacred my boy *cries*

One thing Kokichi also does very often is being sarcastic. I really like this scene. But surprisingly I've seen people taking his excitement as genuine and was like ??? How? Have you gone so crazy after you've seen his first phrase that you blacked out and missed part when he went "nope :)". He literally was like "Is that what you wanted me to say? You wish😊🖕"

I also like how sometimes when the protagonist say something sexual Ouma redirects topic from himself. And he often suggests Tenko as alternative. For a long time I couldn't understand why it was her specifically. And then I realised. It's because Tenko will beat up any man who says something like that to her. He literally indirectly tells player to fuck off.

I can't belive how often those moments are overlooked.

I think that's all my main points regarding Kokichi. Everything else is not very convincing and can be dismissed. But I just want to point out that his color palette basically resembles asexual flag, because I think that's a neat detail.

Now Kaito. I'm gonna be honest. The main reason I headcanon him as ace is because I headcanon all my favorite characters as asexual. But there is a reason I fully accepted him as ace.

The scene in Talent Development Plan where he's discussing "man's passion" with Leon and Teruteru. While they were talking about girls it turned out Kaito this whole time was talking about chasing passion in more philosophical sense. And by exploring "unknown worlds" he probably meant space (they really should've seen that coming).

That's pretty much it. I just saw 1 (one) reason to make it canon for me and immediatly jumped on it.

I think that's it for both of them. They're not the only characters i headcanon to be on the ace spectrum (and i also have some on the aro spectrum too!) but they're the ones I think about the most, so I thought I'd explain it.

[bonny-kookoo]

Yoonkook x Reader

Touch-Starved [Main Story]

Yoongi has a crush on you, but is convinced you're not interested in him. You have a crush on Yoongi, but are sure that he'd never like you if he knew your secret. Jungkook has a crush on you but won't admit it to anyone, and you have a crush on Jungkook, but you think you know that he'd never see you as a possible partner, because he knows your secret. It's all just such a mess. How could you ever sort this out?

Tags/Warnings: Wolf!Bangtan, Wolf!Jungkook, Wolf!Yoongi, Dog!Reader, Puppy!Reader, DDLG aspects and themes, no judgement allowed here, non-sexual regression!!!, none of those themes are sexualized in this work, hurt and comfort, major fluff but also lots of angst and insecurity, friends to lovers

Length: idk long didn't count

-> Masterlist

There is no taglist for this fic.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

Yoongi is not good at things like affection, or relationships at that.

He easily turns red as bright as a spanked ass whenever he has to try and compliment someone he's even just remotely romantically interested in, or he will otherwise simply not find the courage to do it at all. Backhanded compliments are a regular thing with him, his character not allowing him to show someone he cares without implying that he doesn't- a trait that he hates about himself.

He'd learned it from his father, making him even more upset since he never really got along well with that man in the first place. Yet the more he thinks about it, the more it seems like his family history will just repeat itself, and he will find himself in a marriage simply created because of convenience, not love.

He cringes at that, throwing the rest of his sandwich away. His appetite has been long gone anyways.

The reason of his foul mood is in the dorm currently, sitting comfortably on the couch playfully wrestling with Jungkook over a pack of chips he can't identify from his spot.

He hates Jungkook sometimes.

He's always pictured as a shy boy, yet he's actually the exact opposite - easily likable, charming, and most of all- he's your age. The maknae and you are merely half a year apart in age, and he can see why you get along with him. He is a nice person, with his bright smile and large eyes, talented, strong, and likes video games as much as you do.

Yoongi himself does play some games to a small extend, however, he rather buries himself in his work, losing sense of time whenever music is involved.

Overly confident is not how he would describe you- you are simply uncaring of trends of the masses. You don't crave to stand out like Taehyung does, you rather enjoy simply living for yourself and what makes you happy no matter what people would think of your 'goals'. You love stuffed animals and soft colorful things no matter how childish it might make you look. You rarely take selfies of yourself, and never really pose much in images- you just smile, simple as that.

God that smile. If there is an emotion for hate and love at the same time, he is constantly feeling it when it comes to you.

Yoongi wants to be close to you as well, maybe even the closest if he is honest, yet he doesn't know how the hell he is supposed to do that. You both rarely text- he is too unsure if he can, since he is only in a groupchat with you, and only got your ID from Hoseok, who gave it to him in case Yoongi needs to text you something important. You rarely visit him in his studio, but then again, he never told you you'd be welcome anytime. Every small thing he does for you he either brushes it off as nothing speci¹al, or sometimes even tells you that he didn't do it, but one of his members, claiming that he has no Idea what you are talking about. You also show absolutely no interest in him whatsoever.

Which makes his embarrassing crush on you all the more awkward.

He's Min Yoongi for god's sake! He could have anyone if he really tried, if just for his fame and wealth and status as a full blooded Wolf-Hybrid coming from a 'clean' bloodline- yet he is stuck with you, the tiny dog hybrid who sees him as a friend only- if even that at all.

"Yoongi! Finally leaving your wife in there to join us in being social for once?" Seokjin remarks with his signature laugh following, making you chuckle as well.

"Don't be mean Jin." You softly scold the oldest. "Yoongs works hard in there." You look over your shoulder, one of your floppy ears unfolding while you smile that goddamn smile at him- not huge, not a smirk, simply a nice friendly gesture towards him, curled tail wagging a little.

The nickname doesn't make it better.

He hates nicknames, however, he could definitely keep living with your cute versions of his first name any day of the week. He wants to answer you, give you a verbal response, yet all he can bring himself to do is a shrug of his shoulders.

What the fuck.

But you only playfully hold your heart, falling into Jungkooks lap with a dramatic sigh. "Ah, always so cold-!" Which makes the guys laugh, and himself involuntarily smile to himself. He sits down, managing to actually place his ass next to you on the couch without instantly retreating for once. You bravely put your legs over his lap, and his mind is beginning to form the same amount of error messages like his PC system the last time he spilled his iced americano over his MIDI-board.

Yet he only grunts on the outside, and takes his phone out to search for something.

You chuckle, mumbling a sorry under your breath and move to slide your legs off of him again, but his unused hand stops them, shifting them back. His fingers are touching the small patch of bare skin on your calf between your leggings and fluffy sock that had slid down a little- and he has to use all of his self-control not to burst into flames.

He's never really had any very close contact with you, and always imagined what your skin may feel like- as creepy as that sounds. The smile he can see you forming from the side of his view makes him relax, as well- the first sign spotted that he might have some sort of effect on you. Taehyung makes a noise, but is silenced by namjoon who pulls him into a conversation to avoid embarrassing the producer, well aware of his own personal dilemma with you. He is the only one who really knows of his feelings towards you- having told yoongi that you actually feel the same way, yet a bit different. You are, according to namjoon, scared to overstep boundaries with Yoongi, worried that he may snap at you like he did a few months back.

There's that certain feeling whenever you do something stupid and then want to apologize, but you miss the chance and now weeks after it's just awkward, so you don't mention it, while also having to deal with the consequences daily.

Yeah. He still thinks of that moment he'd yelled at you sometimes at the most random of times, cringing internally at it. He'd been stressed with the new Album he wanted to put out, having been stuck on one song, and you had just turned up at the wrong time. You didn't cry or anything like that, you simply apologized for opening his studio without knocking, and left with your tail tucked between your legs. Since then however you'd become a bit more distant with him, more careful, and less touchy than you were with the rest of the pack.

He knows you're a sucker for skinship and cuddling, especially as a dog hybrid who's grown up in a carecenter between many other hybrids, yet you also respect if someone wants space. He loves how much attention you pay to your surroundings, eyes always wide open- you remember things for a long time, and you are able to keep track of so many things at once- yet he's also seen your apartment, a glimpse of your more raw personal side that you tend to keep close to yourself. You're a chaotic person, and he doesn't know how you find anything on that desk of yours.

You struggle to keep track of chores and your own health sometimes, yet you try hard, he knows that. And that makes him feel such an extreme need to make sure you're always happy and taken care of, that he's the one to take care of you.

"Oh, YOONGI!" You suddenly gasp at him, and he raises his eyebrows, looking at you as you move around a bit, your hands searching in your sweater pocket for something. "I actually cleaned up my apartment yesterday, and I found this. I think I borrowed it sometime ago, but lost it- sorry for that again by the way, won't happen again I promise!" You say, showing him a black and silver USB stick, your curly tail wagging in excitement.

You're right, that is his. He actually had forgotten about it.

"Took you long enough." He simply says and takes it from you to put it in his own pocket, seconds later cringing at his sentence. He could've definitely phrased that better, or maybe even simply thank you for giving it back even after all this time. Yet the timeframe of saying thank you without making it seem weird or out of place is already overstepped now, so he has to suffer.

Jungkook chimes in instead.

"I helped her get some order back into that place. Poor puppy had been so stressed with work that she couldnt keep up anymore." He says, laughing along with you, and Yoongi lets a chuckle of his own slip. But instead of telling you what a good job you did, or any praise he really wants to tell you, he only pats your leg gently two times, running his thumb over your calf for a second, internally imprinting into his mind how soft your skin is.

You however beam at this, visibly feeding off of his small gesture like a touch starved pet- and he can't help but find it cute.

⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅

A knock on his door makes him look at it, giving a verbal response in a low "Hm?", as he hears your voice from behind it.

You're not really saying anything, just a sound of confusion and discomfort escaping you from behind the door, and he can slowly hear your slippers softly moving away, when he gets up from his chair to open his door to see you stop to look at him. You're standing in front of him with wide eyes and lowered ears, one of them being pulled on by your hand as he can hear the rest of the pack laughing in the main living room of the dorm. He chuckles at that, waving you into his studio, making him and yourself smile. You thank him somewhat quietly, and go to sit down on his small couch he has inside his studio, laying down so your feet still touched the ground as to not overstep any unspoken rules he might have.

Yoongi however walks up to you, and puts your feet up for you, grabbing a spare blanket from besides the couch, something he always kept here since he sleeps in his studio quite often. You thank him quietly for that, the soft buzzing of his studio PC and the nice air conditioning already helping your fuzzy head a lot.

Jumping over your shadow and coming here was a good idea after all, it seems like.

Yoongi sympathizes with you when it comes to headaches- and it's clear from your behavior that you probably have one, which could also explain why you don't really talk, since it probably hurts. Due to the fact that he seems to solely survive off of caffeine and a cup of instant ramen smashed in between his busy schedule, he gets them more often than he would like to admit. Yet he also remembers how you'd told him once how easily your headaches evolved into migraines if you weren't careful, so he is mindful to help you in avoiding that this time. He digs around in his mind for any small excuse to talk to you, yet ultimately decides against it, thinking it would probably be better for you to have as much silence as possible.

He wonders what your secret is.

Namjoon had mentioned something you kept secret 'for a reason', but he wouldn't tell the producer what it could be, not even a hint. You hopefully know that nothing could ever really make Yoongi see you any different than he does right now.

Except maybe murder- but he doubts that that's what you're hiding.

He also knows that Jungkook is aware of it too. Maybe you both are a couple? He does sleep over sometimes after all, seems to be awfully good with calming you down whenever you're anxious or panicking. It's like the young wolf is aware or something Yoongi isn't, able to manage you when you're becoming restless about things.

Another knock is heard. Yoongi attempts to call out- but gets up to walk to the door instead so he won't shout and worsen your headache. It's Jungkook- because of course it is.

"Hey- is- oh, there she is. I was wondering where she went " jungkook says, entering after the rapper walks aside, silently giving him permission to come in. "Hey- everything okay?" Jungkook wonders softly to you, and you quietly shake your head, whining slightly to yourself before you pull down your ears once more over your eyes, clearly signaling your headache to him as well. "I told you to drink more, puppy. Come on, let's get you home." He gently says, helping you sit up.

"She can just nap here, I don't mind." Yoongi offers- but there's something in Jungkook's eyes that seems oddly suspicious as he looks for an answer inside his head it seems like.

"Ah, I'll rather take her home, but thanks hyung." He tells him, averting his gaze as he instead occupies himself with you who's silently reaching out for him, clinging onto him as he picks you up, showing clearly how used to it both of you are. Jungkook holds you almost effortlessly, while you're instinctively laying your head on his shoulder, arms around his neck.

Yeah, you're probably a couple, and you just don't want to say it out loud.

"You know, you could just tell everyone." Yoongi grumbles more or less as he opens the door for the two of you, Jungkooks wide eyes looking at him. "No one's gonna get mad or something if you told them." He shrugs, and Jungkook looks around for a second, on edge. "You're together, right?" He asks, and Jungkook shakes his head- though with a hint of shyness in his face.

"Ah no- hyung.." He sighs. "I'll- she'll explain when she's ready okay?" He says, as you whine into his neck. "I have to bring her home now- thanks for looking after her!" He says already walking away-

leaving Yoongi confused.

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Jungkook honestly wishes you and him were a couple.

But life doesn't work like this, and sadly, you're not into him like that. You see him as a comfort person, a packmate and a friend- but nothing more than that. He remembers when he first 'caught' you in the midst of regressing in your home-

the whole apartment a mess, cluttered and absolutely disorganized.

You're one of only three percent of dog hybrids that fall into a different headspace when stressed or overwhelmed. It's not something you can control, and neither is it a trauma response- it's just nature playing a cruel joke on you, making your mind shut down to a certain degree to protect you. It's like your brain is overprotective- trying to shield you from all potential mental harm.

But all of that comes with a lot of issues and troubles, such as difficulty holding a job, or simple things such as keeping your apartment clean.

Jungkook remembers how terrified you were of him finding you in your messy apartment- having had to calm you down for a good hour or so before he could even attempt at helping you clean up and take care of your needs. He's not sure why you're so adamant on hiding it from the rest of the pack- but he's got an idea.

Dog hybrids with your condition are alienated, isolated, judged terribly. And you're probably terrified of being cast out of the pack for it, leaving you alone and without anybody.

Your personal nightmare.

So he just instead has decided to take care of you, and wait until you feel ready to tell someone else. You deserve happiness and the feeling of safety and comfort, but he can also understand that you're worried of how it'll be taken by the rest of the guys.

And yeah, he also gets to be a little selfish himself when he's got time with you like this. He gets to live out a little dream here and there, where you're actually his to love. Because he does love you, to the moon and back- and he knows his heart will surely break a little one day when you find someone to give your own heart to, instead of him.

So he takes these moments for himself, and enjoys those daydreams for now, until he has to wake up.

"There we go, that's already better isn't it?" Jungkook hums after he'd taken out your hairtie, fingers massaging the spot where it had been pressing against your scalp for the past few hours. You hum in agreement, nodding against his shoulder while you move a bit to get comfortable on his thighs.

You don't even know that you almost exposed your secret to Yoongi of all people- the one wolf of the pack you've got a crush on.

Everyone kind of knows it, everyone also knows about his crush on you as well- though you seem rather talented in finding excuse after excuse as to why that can't be true. Jungkook knows your main fear is what you're right now- and that Yoongi could find you appalling, or childish, or anything else negative that could come to your mind.

And Jungkook can't say he doesn't understand your fear- because he does.

"You're gonna get all stiff if you nap like that." Jungkook chuckles, patting your back a little, making your curled tail wag happily. "Don't be a brat now. Come on, we'll take a nap on the couch, yeah?" He hums. You whine. "No? Not a nap?" He wonders, but you nod now. "Okay, yes to a nap, no to the couch?" He navigates, laughing when you nod now, tail wagging. "Puppy if we nap in bed you'll sleep for hours though." He sighs.

But you simply wiggle out of his lap, before you run to the bedroom-

The wolf hot on your heels, when your doorbell rings.

When Jungkook opens the door, it's Yoongi- the producer holding up a jacket. "She left it at the dorm." He informs Jungkook, who reaches out to take it- though Yoongi holds it back. "I'd like to give it to her myself-"

"You can't." The younger wolf denies, panicking a little when he hears something jingle, and feels the toy hit his back softly, fabric ball tumbling to the ground, bell inside the cotton filling the cause of the noise. Jungkook closes the door a bit more now to keep you out of sight. "Just- uh, she'll grab it tomorrow-"

"Her phone and purse are in the pockets." Yoongi says. "I'm sure she'd like it back right now." He challenges, and Jungkook can feel himself squirm uncomfortably under the strong gaze of his packmate, having to avert his gaze. "What's really going on?" Yoongi asks, as the toy hits Jungkook's back again.

"Look, this is really bad timing right now-" Jungkook whines as he kicks the toy back with his food go occupy you at least for just a second to give himself more time to think of an excuse. "-She's.. not feeling well right now." He tries to justify.

"Jungkook you're not being very convincing right now." Yoongi sighs. "What the fuck is going on? Does she hate me?"

"NO!" Jungkook barks, before he pinches the bridge of his nose. "Ah.. God, fuck, alright." He sighs, defeated, letting the door slowly open more, while he turns around to throw the soft fabric ball towards where you sit on the floor, toy flying over your head, making you flop onto your back as you try to catch it.

You don't even realize it's Yoongi who's now in the doorway whole Jungkook sits in front of you to start a game of tug-of-war with the soft llushy toy with you, successfully pulling your attention away from the producer who just silently enters the apartment, and closes the door behind him before he hangs up your coat.

It takes him one good look to realize what's going on.

The hazy look in your eyes. The way you don't even greet him, rather occupied with the game Jungkook plays with you. Your almost clumsy way of movement.

"So that's the secret?" Yoongi hums as he sits down near his packmate, watching you with an unreadable expression.

Jungkook nods. "She's scared of anyone finding out." He reveals, while he watches you now nibbling on his finger instead of the toy, before you yawn.

"Why?" Yoongi wonders. "It's not like it's her fault or choice." He mumbles.

"Yeah, I know." Jungkook shrugs. "But I get it, you know? You hear horror stories about it all the time. Friends and family being weirded out and stuff." He explains, and Yoongi grows quiet.

It really is understandable.

"So that's why you sleep over so much?" He asks, and the younger wolf nods.

"She used to be triggered easily since she didn't have a person to rely on." He explains. "But when I took on that.. role, I guess, she became more stable. It doesn't happen so randomly anymore, she's got more control over it. Today was just a bad day I guess." He shrugs.

"She must be tough to handle." Yoongi mumbles.

"Not really." Jungkook denies. "She's very sweet. The beginning was hard, yeah, but mostly because I didn't know what to do. These days it's become easier." He nods to himself, though Yoongi doesn't miss the look on his friend's face.

"You love her." He states.

And Jungkook only nods.

"I do." He agrees. "It's hard not to."

Yoongi hums in agreement, and Jungkook wants to be swallowed by the ground. Now that the producer knows, he'll take over the care of you- you'll grow closer, emotionally and physically, and you'll no longer need Jungkook to care for you.

His dream is ending, and he hates it.

"She loves you too." Yoongi offers. Jungkook laughs a little.

"Situationally, yeah." He nods.

"No, in general." Yoongi argues, but he can't seem to push through the thoughts of Jungkooks mind, the wolf having already decided his stance on things. "Jungkook.."

"You'll take good care of her, right?" He asks, looking at his packmate with round eyes that try hard not to let any tears fall. "You'll make sure she doesn't have to.. feel ashamed, or bad, right?"

"I'm not taking her away from you." Yoongi shakes his head, and Jungkook nods.

"I know you're not." He says, trying hard to keep it together even as you crawl into his lap to comfort him, sensing his distress.

"She was never mine to begin with."

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You're absolutely mortified when you're informed of what happened- or rather when you connected the dots yourself, after waking from your nap with both wolves next to you in bed.

One look exchanged with Jungkook signals to him that you've pulled yourself out of your headspace- body shaking now with the overwhelming sense of shame you're feeling as Yoongi sits up now as well to look at you with a sense of worry.

"Hey, it's fine." Jungkook reassures easily. "He doesn't hate you or anything, he's cool with it."

"Oh god this is so weird.." you hide your face in your hands, embarrassed by the events unfolding like this.

"Its not. It makes sense, really." Yoongi shrugs. "So this is why you don't want to move into the pack dorm with us?" He wonders, and you nod.

"Its weird. You can say that, I know myself that it is." You sigh.

"You're not weird." Jungkook shakes his head, taking your hand to reassure you. "Promise."

"I agree. This isn't weird, it's something that happens to some." He shrugs. "I still like you." He says without thinking, as you slowly look at him.

"You.. do?" You wonder, and he nods.

"Very much." He smiles a bit awkwardly, when Jungkook let's go of your hand, clearing his throat.

"I'll.. I'll see myself out then." He mumbles, and at that your head snaps towards him.

No- he can't leave like that. Yoongi might've..somewhat confessed, but you still need him. You still want him here.

Wait.

If Yoongi likes you, and toy like him back, and that leads to you Noth becoming partners, that's great. But if that means you can't have Jungkook, you don't want it. You need jungkook.

You love jungkook, too.

"Hey, Yoongi will stay with you, you're not alone anymore-" He tries to settle your clearly bubbling panic, but its to no avail. Your head is filled with the fact that Jungkook wants to leave, and you don't want that.

You want both. Why can't they both stay?

Your cheeks are wet with tears as your puppy-mind refuses to accept the situation. You've slipped right back again, as you make jungkook hold yoongis hand, before you yourself hold onto them, stubbornly holding onto their connected hands, before you lay down on them, eyes closed and ears pinned back.

"I uh.." Jungkook stampers a big awkwardly, attempt at pulling his hand away responded to with a low growl from you, eyes glaring.

"Seems like we'll have to share." Yoongi teases surprisingly, catching the younger wolf off guard as hemeeys the older one's gaze.

"I mean- uh-" he stammers, unsure. "Is that.. will that even work out?" He worries, while you happily fall asleep hiding both their hands.

"Guess we'll have to find out." Yoongi shrugs, laying down again next to you, Jungkook slowly doing the same a few seconds later.

Looks like his dream didn't end after all-

Maybe it just begun.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

[thoughtfulchaos773]

The show is definitely still exploring how parental figures influence our choice of partners. If that's the case, the writing shows not only Claire being similar to Donna but also Syd and Carmy being drawn to each other because they are the opposite of each other's parents.

Sydney is different from Donna. Carmy is not like Emmuel.

Even though it's a good thing Sydney is nothing like Donna- it's the opposite for Emmanuel and carmy. Carmy has to be like Emmanuel to win Sydney over. Because some legacies must be followed and grown on the family tree, Sydney and carmy know this- which is why carmy still struggles to be that rock for Sydney and just as reliable. Reliance is the character's main obstacle. Healthy masculinity - Carmy is learning to be a solid and stable man but can struggle.

It's explained early on why Carmy struggles to embody a healthy masculine figure. Carmy has a deadbeat father, an inconsistent brother, and an uncle who now regrets not being there more. However, as the season progresses, characters like Pete, Steve, and Emmanuel are introduced. They are men who can express their emotions healthily and don't feel the need to exhibit bravado to prove their masculinity. The three men also express their love openly, something carmy never learned to do.

So they establish early on that Carmy did not have a solid male figure in his life, and they point out early on that Sydney has a steady male figure in her life.

So Sydney is attracted to a man who doesn't have the same traits as Emmanuel, but she sees something in him that makes her want to try.

Just like Carmy wants to try, he's always asking for Emmanuel because he wants to be like that kind of man.

Because he's someone who sydney relies on:

And for Sydney to mention this in 3x05 Children that it's scary to rely on a person, I don't think she's just talking about her dad.

On the first watch, I thought of Carmy and 2x02 Pasta. when he mentioned relying on her dad.

I might be biased as a Sydcamy shipper, but it's clear that Carmy wants to express his love for Sydney by letting her rely on him. However, he's not equipped to be that guy for Sydney.

We see a glimpse of the reliable Carmy under the table, who could be there for Sydney when he was completely present and serene. He promised Sydney that he'd be the man she could rely on- looking back now, I can see how significant that was- enough for them to take a long moment of silence and hold a long gaze.

If anyone else can see what I'm seeing, why is it platonic when they continue to make this opposite attraction? Is this one of the reasons for these vibrant collaborations? Do they show signs of who Emmanuel is and who Carmys will be? That he promised Sydney he'd be?

[bluegalaxygirl]

The real reason (KidKiller X Reader) P1

Plot: Ever since you started dating Kid and Killer, the captain has refused to visit any brothels. That wouldn't normally be a problem but the crew isn't aloud to go without their captains and first mates supervision causing the crew to resent you eventhough your not stopping the captain from going. Its time for you to force the reason out of him.

Warning: Sexual themes but no smut (NSFW) stuff, bad language, Drinking, Making out and Past trauma

Reader is Female (sorry), Kid X Killer X Reader, poly relationship, established relationship.

P2 - P3

At least once a month this happens, some of the crew begs their captain to let them go to a brothel to drink and have some fun, Kid used to be all in on that kind of thing but slowly started to back away from it after officially being in a relationship with Killer and then even more when you joined the relationship, some thought it was because you were jealous but that wasn't the case, in fact no one, not even you and Killer know the reason why Kid is so against brothels now. He just states that he's not interested, or he's not in the mood instead of answering anyone's questions about it. It doesn't bother you weather he likes them or not, what bothers you is the crew can't go without supervision as per captains orders and the only people who are trusted to do that job is Kid and Killer. One of which refuses to go meaning the crew can't go, sometimes the crew asking over and over again gets too much, so he has no chose but to let them go while he supervises them. When there he makes sure to keep close to you or Killer refusing to look at the girls in skimpy outfits, he's even shoved a few off him that haven't taken the hit and tried to sit on his lap. Killer was never really a fan of those places, it was a good place to drink and hang out with the crew, but he mainly went to keep an eye on everyone and to look after any of the crew that got too drunk to walk back onto the ship. The first mate never really had an interest in the girls, he would always be talking to one of the crew and ignored any girl that came his way but on the rare occasion that he would take the girls up on their offers everyone knew it was because he was stressed.

After starting to date Kid, the masked man never got with any of the girls, no one really noticed a change since it was so rare already, when you joined the relationship he would always have you close to his side if you were there with them, he didn't want any drunk men getting the wrong idea but it also kept the other girls away from him seeing a girl on his arm. You never really minded those places, as long as you can join your crew and have a laugh your happy, the only thing you hate about brothels is when a drunk man thinks either you or one of your female crew member's is one of the working girls, its even worse when they don't take no for an answer and you have to beat their ass. It surprises most of the girls in the brothels that you and some of your female crew mates actually go either to have fun or join your crew but some of the girls are into other girls, or they just like the vibe. You always try and be nice to the working girls since their only doing their jobs, and they seem to get hit on my really fugly drunk men but there have been times when you wanted to kill one for either making a stupid comment towards Killer or trying to sit with Kid when he didn't want it. You never acted on it though other than giving death stares that usually make the girls back off, it was subtle but when you joined the relationship Kid and Killer you made it more known no longer keeping your glares a secret.

You love your boys and the crew to death but after joining their relationship the crew started to go less and less to brothels which made you very confused and made some of the crew resent you a little. You didn't mind going or letting Kid and Killer go to one since you know they would never cheat, you've seen the way the two acted while in a relationship with each other, as soon as it was official both of them never took a girl up on her offer and flat out rejected any kind of touch from the girls. So now here you are leaning against the railing of the Victoria punk watching as Kid is storming away from several members of his crew that are begging to go to the brothel down the road. Their not normally pushy but apparently this place has the best booze and the best girls along with some kind of show but like always Kid flat out refuses while not giving a reason why. You can't stand the yelling back and forth between Kid and the crew so make your way over managing to speak loud enough to get their attention. "Come on Captain" You sigh crossing your arms over your chest, the crew sighs and looks down gritting their teeth not happy that you might back up Kid on this while Kid's shoulders relax thinking he's been saved from his pushy crew. "Let them go, it's been a while and plus it'll be fun" You smile watching as their facial expressions change, the crew's angry faces turn into big smiles as they look between you and the captain hoping you will change his mind while Kid's shoulders tense up again his eyes widen in surprise.

It's the first time you've said anything about the situation in front of the crew, behind closed doors you and Killer have been trying to find out the real reason why hoping that it can be fixed but the red head gets angry and either storms off or tell the two of you to Fuck off. Kid sighs running his hand threw his red hair, he knows your not lying when ever you say it'll be fine, but he has his own reasons for not going. "Please Captain" The crew beg trying to get him to say yes after so long, with a grumble Kid looks down at his crew. "Fine... But if even one of you causes trouble everyone is leaving" He glares at the crew who cheer before running off to tell the others, some of them thanking you on the way. It's a welcome change to what you normally get, when ever the Captain says no they tend to lash out at you, not physically more mentally by either ignoring you, saying mean things in passing, giving you glares or making your jobs ten times harder than needed. You could tell Kid and Killer about this, and they would quickly sort it out but as much as you hate hiding things from them you don't want the crew to get punished for it. You understand they have pent-up energy and needs that they need to deal with and Kid has been flat out refusing ever since you started dating him, put it all together and of course their gonna blame you. A shadow falls over you get you to look up at your pissed off Captain making the happy smile fade from your face. "Word, now" He demands before storming off, you take a breath before following trying to clam yourself down before having to be yelled at by Kid.

Killer was tying his shoe getting ready to head out to help with some chores only for the bedroom door to slam open, jumping slightly he goes to grab his mask on the side table only to hear Kid's angry grumble as he storms into the room. Walking in behind the red head you quickly close the door before giving the blonde a sorry look but Killer sighs and relaxes putting his mask down before sitting back on the bed to finish tying his shoes. Kid paces back and forth in the middle of the room while growling to himself as you make your way over to the bed perching on the end of it and waiting for the captain to flip out at you. "What happened?" Killer asks after finishing tying his shoes and leaning towards you, wondering what you did to make Kid so angry "The crew wanted to go to that Brothel down the road, Kid said no but i thought it would be a good idea" You sigh turning to the blonde who sighs as well while looking down at the bed covers knowing what same argument is going to come up again. "He said yes, didn't he" It was more of a statement than a question but you nod confirming why Kid is so angry "You think i wanted to say yes?" Kid snaps getting the two of you to look up at the captain as he continues to angrily pace "I said no for a reason" He yells again turning to storm towards you only stopping when his legs are touching your knees.

Taking in a calming breath you know better than to meet Kid head on in anger, it'll just make things worse. "You never give the reason though... the real reason i mean" You state making Kid roll his eyes at you while running a hand through his hair slightly gripping it "We are not having the conversation again, there is no reason other than i'm not interested" He growls down at you but you don't flinch, just keep looking up at him "Everyone knows thats not the real reason but either way i don't see the problem in letting the crew go and have some fun, get rid of some of that pent-up energy." You try to convince the captain only for him to growl again but this time walk away from you, Killer sighs seeing your not getting anywhere so places a hand on your shoulder trying to get you to stop with a pleading look but you shake your head not wanting to give up on this, you've had enough of the crew resenting you after getting denied going by Kid. You know what your about to say will cause some issues and maybe make both of them angry but you need something to change, if not for your sake then the crews. "Tell you what Kid, lets make a deal" You state standing up catching both boys by surprise, the captain turns raising his brow at you before laughing and shaking his head, before he can protest you give him the deal. "You tell me the real reason why and... I'll tell you what I've been hiding" You try to stay calm as Kid's eyes widen, his laughter stopping immediately as his eyes land you, a look of shock then anger and then amusement covers his face.

Killer's heart drops at your words and quickly stands up before stepping closer to you, grabbing your arm the blonde pull you close to him worry spreading across his face. "Y/N, since when?" The blonde asks looking you up and down looking for any sign that you got hurt or if someone did something, you understand the reason for their reaction, you've never hidden anything from them even some stuff you have never told another living soul or gravestone. "Your lying, you don't hide things from us" Kid crosses his arms over his chest with a smug smile trying to call your bluff but as your eyes shift over to him and then back to Killer giving a sorry look they both know your telling the truth making Kid's smirk drop. This is way out of character for you which means it must be serious, Killer places his hand on your cheek searching your eyes for any hint of what your hiding but you don't give him anything, the worry welling up inside him soon turning into anger as the blonde turns to look at a very surprised Kid "What are you waiting for?" Killer almost yells snapping Kid out of his shocked state, gritting his teeth the captain walking over to you giving in to your demand as worry also fills him. He doesn't let it show though instead choosing to act annoyed. "Fine, deal, now tell me" The captain stops in front of you but you shake your head at him while taking Killers hand off your cheek to hold it, in a way trying to clam yourself for what's about to come "That's not the deal, you first" Your eyes lock with Kid who growls in anger before his breath hitches in his throat.

Clench his teeth the red head struggles to get the words out, he didn't want the two of you to think he's stupid or wave him off with what he has to say. "Kid" Killer sighs placing a hand on the captains shoulder trying to get him to talk, Kid looks away from the two of you finding it easier to say it without looking at your faces. "There's more than one reason.... I don't like the drunk asshole thinking your a whore, Y/n, i don't like the girls flirting with me and not taking no for an answer and... I don't like the way you two are always on guard in there, you both don't relax like you do at other bars" Your heart sinks at his confession, everything he said was true, but he never showed it bothered him at all. Killer reaches his hand over and grabs Kids chin pulling his face to look at the two of you "All of that can be fix one way or another, all you had to do was tell us" The blonde state making the captains cheeks go a little red, nodding in agreement you place your hand on the red head's chest "Killer's right, we can make things better, we'll try and relax more, maybe letting the others fuck up will teach them to not do it in the future." You let out a small laugh hoping to ease his worries, it seems to work since Kid's shoulders start to relax, and he lets out a huff of amusement. "Your normally on the outside and Y/N on my arm, so they tend to leave me alone, so she can either sit on your lap or you can sit in between us" Killer releases Kids chin running his hand down the captains arm to his hand where the red head quickly grabs it to stop the blonde from pulling away.

All those ideas made going a lot easier and it also helped that the two of you didn't think different of him for feeling and thinking this way but there was still one problem. "What about the drunk assholes?" Kid asks looking between the two of you hoping for a simple solution that will work where ever they go, with a blush spreading across your cheeks you move your hand up Kids chest to his neck lightly rubbing his jaw line with your thumb as your other hand lets go of Killers hand letting it travel up his arm and to his cheek. Stepping closer to the two you let a sweet smile form on your lips "Well thats an easy fix, either i don't get up to get drink or... I can wear something that shows i'm yours" You whisper to the two before giving a wink making Kid smile wide and Killer let out a small laugh "That sounds like a good idea" The captain chuckles while leaning into your neck making you shiver at his breath on your neck, Killer steps closer wrapping his arm around your waist to keep your chest pressed into his "I like that idea, although, i think it's going to take more than a simple hickey" The blonde smirks leaning down to brush his lips against yours as Kid starts kissing and biting your neck trying to find the perfect spot to leave his mark. You can't but let out a breathy moan when the red head finally finds a spot biting hard while his metal arm squeezes your ass, "What else do you have in mind?" You ask Killer who lightly kisses your lips before locking eyes with you "Will tell you but first i want to know what your hiding" The blonde glares slightly making you gulp.

[sansaorgana]

Buck with a WAAF reader cheering him on during the bike race 🫶🏻

hello! thank you for this 💗 i don't know much about WAAF so reader's occupation is not specified but it's a short blurb anyway 🤭 Buck doesn't have anyone waiting in America for him in this obviously 🧸

my inbox is open for blurb/short fic requests for major cleven 🤗

Out of all those American men that came here recently, Major Cleven was special. You've never been crazy about any of these – for variety of reasons. First of all, you knew that getting attached would end up with an awful heartbreak sooner or later. But also, as much as you enjoyed their company and you found them lovely, most of these boys had a typcially American enthusiasm towards this war. Major Cleven was your exception.

He made your heart stop the moment you saw him. He was so effortlessly attractive with his intense stare and hair of gold. He looked insanely good in that suit, too. Then he said "Hello" and your knees went weak at the sound of his deep voice. You only kept staring at his face and blinking until he had to repeat the "Hello" again. But he didn't laugh at you – so many of them would laugh and tease – Major Cleven pretended he hadn't noticed how attracted you were to him.

You kept observing him and he seemed to be a very calm and mature man. That was another reason why you adored him. But that was also the reason why some of your other friends from WAAF found him a little bit boring.

"Does he even know what fun means?" Rachel asked you one evening, teasingly, at the gathering.

"I'm sure he does, Rachel," you sighed. "Just because he's not as… wild… as your American, doesn't mine that mine doesn't know what fun is."

Rachel had a crush on Major Cleven's best friend Bucky.

"Well, sweetheart, the difference is," Rachel chuckled, "my American knows I exist. Your American doesn't acknowledge your existence."

"Maybe he's got a girl waiting for him at home," you explained, trying not to show how hurt you were. "If that's a case, then it means he's a good man. Loyal."

"I haven't met a single loyal man here."

"I'm sure he is."

"It's almost cute how much you like him," she winked at you.

That was when Jane ran up to you with a wide smile and blush on her cheeks.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked her.

"They're going to race! On their bikes! They're insane," she chuckled.

"Who? The guys?" Rachel laughed. "Are they taking the bets? (Y/N), come on!" she dragged you by your sleeve happily and you both followed Jane to a room where the airmen were gathering their bikes and talking out loud. It was a bit overwhelming to you and you didn't plan on betting anyway. You stood in the corner to watch.

With the corner of your eye, you were trying to find Major Cleven of course.

"Hello," suddenly, his deep voice made you turn around as your heart skipped a beat.

"H-hello, Major," you smiled nervously. "Do you need anything?"

"I'm disappointed," he admitted and you furrowed a brow. "I expected you'd place a bet on me."

"Oh," you chuckled. "You're taking part in the race?"

"Not just taking part. I intend to win," he winked at you.

He. Winked. At. You.

You got dizzy.

"Well, then, don't make me lose my quid, Major," you teased and looked for a pound in your purse. "Good luck," you added with a smile before turning around to find someone who would take your bet on Major Cleven.

Then you joined Rachel and Jane. Rachel had a very mischevious smile on her face.

"You see, he knows what fun is," you pointed at smiling Major Cleven getting on his bike.

"Apparently he also doesn't have anyone waiting for him at home," she raised an eyebrow and you pursed your lips, trying not to giggle like a schoolgirl.

The race was actually more stressful than you expected. You didn't want Major Cleven to fall down and hurt himself and it was very risky around the corners with so many drunk men trying to overtake one another. You kept on cheering and crossing your fingers, nervously watching every movement.

"How did he even notice me?" you asked yourself, louder than you wanted to.

"How could he not?" Jane rolled her eyes. "You're staring at him all the time, girl, it's sickening. Give me a break!" she pretended to throw up.

You all laughed but you could feel a knot forming in your stomach.

Yeah, Jane was right. You were sickeningly, hopelessly into Major Cleven. No matter if he talks to you again or not, you were already a lost cause. And it meant only one thing – you should already prepare yourself for a heartbreak, because sooner than later there will be a day when they announce he's not back from a mission. The chances of survival in this business were close to zero. These boys were all engaged to death.

But until then, you're going to place a bet on Major Cleven every day.

MASTERLIST || BUCK MASTERLIST

[andy-wm]

Please love me is Jimin's line today

The hardest few seconds for me to watch, were these...

Jimin was absolutely dreading appearing on screen without his trademark beautiful hair.

We know he left it as late as he could and didn't want to show anyone.

He looked like he was barely holding it together when he called attention to his hair being shaved. He must have genuinely been scared of the reaction he would get, even from Kook.

"It looks good on you"

Jungkook, you absolute fucking LEGEND 💜

He knew exactly what to say.

When Jungkook told Jimin he looked good (even with no hair) Jimin turned his face away <those feels choking him up> and when he turned back, the almost desperate look of gratitude mixed with relief was so clear.

Please love me is Jimin's line today.

This is not about vanity, ego or pride.

It brings home how fragile his confidence is. His need for approval and the assurance of being loved is strong. It’s so heartbreaking, but we know he hasn't had an easy road.**

Thankfully he did stand a little bit taller once JK reassured him...

But it wasn't an easy moment for Jungkook either.

Whether because he had to witness Jimin's fear and could do nothing more than pet his head, or because he was facing his own misgivings (probably both) he looked equally lost in that moment.

Remember that these boys have left their home once before and journeyed to a place that was less than welcoming. They've had to face the grim, disproving faces of unkind critics and a system that didn't support or value them.

I don't doubt there were echoes of that feeling on this day, that same sense of trepidation they've known before.

We know how the military treats men like them.

And then...

we got this:

You can take the boy out of Busan but you can't take Busan out of the boy.

(People say this about my home town too...)

The shadow of fear is still there in his eyes but.... he looks like a (very hot) backstreet thug who will absolutely fuck you up no questions asked.

It does occur to me that MS might be the reason Jimin has been learning to fight.

I mean really learning to fight.

Yes he's probably doing boxing too but i suspect something more than that ... you shouldn't get torn knuckles from boxing lessons unless you aren't wrapping your hands properly, just saying.

<Gotta love a person who can hold you and cradle your head, and also knock down an aggressor when they have to.>

If all else fails (words before fists, right?) I hope he can handle himself.

If he must defend himself, and someone (not him) looks like they've had a close encounter with his fists, I saw nothing.

I hope for both of them, their background will serve them well. In any case they will support one another and their love will see them through this. It's exactly why they are enlisting as companions.

🐰🐥

This is no easy journey, for these young men (all seven of them) or for their families, their friends, and their loved ones. Yes, it's reality of life for every person in Korea, but that doesn't make it easier when it's YOU or YOUR person who is going away.

I am seeing them off with an in ache in my chest - I know we all are. But I'm toasting their successful military service, and their quick return.

짠 지민아, 정국이! We love you 💜💛

See you soon, Angels.

** 'Hurry up and be me soon' ...

Some of us know how much it costs to put our authentic self out into the world. The sacrifices you have to be willing to make are huge. You're not only exposing your own vulnerabilities, but the flow on effect for your family and friends is real.

<talking specifically about Jimin here... how many times do you think his parents will have to say 'no, Jimin doesnt have a girlfriend, and no he isn't looking for one... No he doesn't plan to marry'.>

It's a long journey to self love and acceptance...

We know Jimin has been through a number of iterations of himself. He's been through the tough guy phase, the closed book, the siren, aloof and sophisticated, and the gently feminine.

The image he presents to the world is as much a construct as any person's is - and whether you're aware of this or not, all our public selves are social constructs.

"One size does not fit all" for queer people

For cis gendered heterosexual people, society has a few different ready-made constructs you can adopt, and the rest of society automatically understands the message you're sending. Most of them maintain the status quo of heterosexual cultural norms.

For anyone who DOESNT fit those norms, it's honestly never going to feel good expressing an image that isnt really you. Its like trying and make your circle self fit in a square box.

But theres nothing else that's readily available...

You really have to construct your public image from scratch.

When you aren't part of that typical demographic, figuring out how you want to be seen by the world can be an arduous and complex process.

How much do you reveal? How much do you risk?

You'll experiment with styles, behaviours, and social groups until you find a safe space you can occupy.

Jimin's safe space is with ARMY or his members, but it requires looking perfect.

Think about Jimin's hesitance to appear on camera without makeup. How carefully he chooses his clothes - whether for airport appearances, stage performance or out on the street. He usually has a team of people making sure he looks perfect. His hair is a trademark feature. It's always beautiful.

Remember that he's used to EVERYONE LOOKING AT HIM, ALL THE TIME.

Imagine how it feels to go out in public - against your will - with a shaved head.

Without hair, he would have surely felt naked. Plus, he's no longer in the safe embrace of ARMY, and his buffer of security and managers keeping him out of danger is gone.

He's immensely famous, but not universally loved (don't even go there) and bald, and small, and an IDOL, and very gay ... lets go with unlikely to be heterosexual.

No wonder he was feeling vulnerable.

Ngl, it broke my heart to see him so afraid but I'm sure he'll have a substantial group of supporters around him. I can only hope.

💜💛

[echantedtoon]

Ocean Deep Ch14 Mers And Ladies

(Warnings: Mentioning of killing/blood/murder/wounds/drowning/bloodloss, Y/n does have a stab wound but it's NOT serious and doesn't really affect her too much. Mentioning of yn being stabbed with a knife.

NOW SOME IMPORTANT INFO FOR THIS CHAPTER!! I have three things to announce.

Firstly just a quick recap of mer Tengen's design-

Tengen would be a white butterfly koi fish mer and would look like the linked post below except less eel and more butterfly koi also below.

Merman Tengen( minus the eel like features)

his tail would be more like this instead

Secondly the QnA from last chapter. If any questions are lumped together then it's because the same person asked more than one question.

*Is Y/n still alive?

Obviously yes. And she's ok.

*Do mers have jobs or just chill in the ocean? Is there a mer equivalent to the demon slayer corps? Is there a reason why the wives chose to go by Tengen's last names and not Rengoku's? Why does Rengoku still go  by his own last name? Is polygamy more common among mers?

They just chill. No not really. Usually only the lady mers change their last names but this isn't always the case, but they love Tengen very much. Rengoku is still attached to his family name. Not really. Some mers are poly some aren't.

*How many chapters are left?

Im not sure. I already have the plot in mind, it's just a matter of writing it out. 

*Was Tengen's parts near the end a flashback or happening in the moment?

In the moment. No flashbacks that chapter.

Thanks to everyone who asked questions! Now that's over with-

Thirdly, I made a small side story for Ocean Deep containing Mer Douma x Reader. The link for anyone who wants to read it is below I also read you can replace a pint of blood after donating it within 24 hours if this is inaccurate I apologize.

taglist: @six-eyed-samurai @lavenderdrxp @jjamsbangtan @camilo-uwu @hopefulworld1

@shadyd3ar @amypop122 @azuredragonstrike

@mimisweetz @chaoticoperatorduckhairdo @staarflowerr @aleee-386

Remember if you want to be added to the tag list lemme know.

"Leave her on the beach! Someone will find her or she'll wake up and go home herself!"

A voice..Male. Deeper. Different. Unfamiliar.

"We can't just abandon her! She's wounded! LOOK FOR YOURSELF!"

Pain. Numbness. Cold black closing in. 

"....."

"Tengen, please."

"....Press down on the wound tightly. It's a long trip and if she's going to make it then she'll need all the blood she can keep in her body."

Where are you?

.. Everything is so dark. 

What happened?

Why isn't there anything here?

We're you dead? Did you finally die? Is this what being dead was? Nothing but black abyss where you couldn't feel anything? ...It was ..oddly peaceful despite being so eerie.

"-likeliness to survive is guaranteed I'd say."

Huh? What was that? It sounded like the second half of a sentence you only just now noticed. Was there other spirits here with you?

"That's a relief. I was worried about the stab to her shoulder there. I do hope she's not too hurt."

"Don't worry yourself too much, Koyuki. It was a rather small blade and it only stabbed some fat and muscle. A few stitches and some rest will have her healed up within a few months!"

A small sigh of relief. "Oh thank goodness. I'm sure everyone will be relieved to hear that."

"How about you? How are you feeling today? That sudden fever came out of nowhere."

"I feel much better but Shinobu says I should stay in bed today."

"That's good. Did she wake up while we were gone?"

"No but she did move in her sleep."

"Ah. Good. That means she might wake up soon. I'll just take your temperature and leave you two to rest for a little while."

There was the sounds of retreating footsteps and maybe a door squeaking shut. Did the afterlife even have doors? You didn't get a chance before the world fell into unconscious again- The next time you regained consciousness, you opened your eyes only to blink suddenly as a harsh light beamed down on you. Was that the fabled tunnel? We're you going to heaven?! A few blinks more had the harsh light evening out into other less harsh colors of browns and beige. You didn't know heaven had an oak ceiling-...

Wait. Ceiling?

F/c eyes blinked and eyebrows scrunched in confusion as your vision ever so slowly unblurred and you found yourself staring at an oakwood ceiling. There was silence as you continued to stare at it for the longest time.. before your head tilted to the right. The light source was discovered in the form of an open window. The sight of a calm blue sky and fluffy white clouds greeted you and a nice warm breeze bringing the smell of the salty ocean came through...Wait. This wasn't the beach. Could it be-??

Your eyes shifted down to your body and you only now felt the soft warmth hugging your body. Clean sheets covered your body as you lied upon your futon and a nice thick and warm blue blanket covered you from your feet to your neck. You were..in bed?? Could it be that this entire thing was just a dream? Only a silly dream about mermaids and jewelry and Akira that felt like it lasted for months but was really only a night or two? 

Slowly you willed your arm to move. Your right arm pushed up, up, up. You felt heavy, sluggish, and every movement was a pins and needles tingling feeling. The blue blanket fell away partially as your hand extended to the ceiling and wriggled all five fingers. Your other hand went to do the same thing-

UNTIL A WHITE HOT PAIN SHOT FROM YOUR SHOULDER AND DOWN YOUR SPINE-!!!

"AH!!"

You couldn't help but cry out from the sudden throbbing pain that shot from your shoulder and throughout your body. It was a burning throbbing pain that pulsed out from just behind your left shoulder. Your teeth gritted as you hissed, body contorting in pain and then there was a sharp gasp-

...Wait. That wasn't from you. 

Your head turned to the left in the direction of the sound and froze as two pairs of eyes met. A pair of pretty cherry blossom pink eyes and equally shaped pretty white flower shaped pupils stared down at your confused orbs. For a moment there was nothing but silence as your brain processed the other person in the room looking at you- Before she jumped as your body moved quickly.

Pink eyes blinked watching the other woman quickly flip onto her right side and struggle to push herself up onto numb arms and legs. "W-Wait! Don't do that! You'll hurt yourself!"

The other paid no mind to her warnings as she proceeded to crawl like a rapid animal desperate to get away from here. Falling onto her face after getting entangled in the sheets and letting out a yelp of pain. A rush of adrenaline shot up into your veins as you forced yourself back up and, although probably looking ridiculous, you crawled desperately for the door despite the emense pain in your shoulder and how tingly and weak your limbs were.

"Please stop! You're making it worse!"

Ignored. A desperate churning voice pounded at your skull. Run! Run! Run! Get out! Get away! It shouted that over and over, and like a scared injured rabbit you obeyed that. Legs unready for walking were forced up- only for you to fall back onto them with a thud. 

"Shinobu! Kanae! Somebody help!"

More people?! SCREW THIS!! In some adrenaline fueled strength, somehow your foggy mind was able to get up onto your legs shaking uncontrollably like you were a bare in a blizzard! You ran! Throwing yourself at the door and throwing it open with a slide! A loud thudding sound reverberated throughout the hall and room as you threw yourself out- Only to collide almost collide into someone carrying a bowl.  The pink haired girl squealed as you knocked into her, knocking the bowl of soup outta her hands. The distant sounds of spilling liquids filled the air behind you as your body collided with a wall so wobbly and unstable that you fell over onto your stomach. If your head wasn't blank from the pain, you might've heard the thud of the bowl and the clattering of a spoon somewhere behind you. Scrambling, clawing at the floorboards, and crawling like a desperate animal just turned free you carried on. Looking like a crazy person. Freedom! Freedom! To freedom you nearly were-

Until hands grabbed you.

You squealed out as two pairs of hands grabbed you by the arms on either side of your body and pulled you backwards and away from the door with a window in the middle showing the outside world and your near freedom. 

"Fast one aren't you?"

"LET ME GO!," you shrieked kicking out weakly no avail. 

Whoever it was was physically stronger as you were dragged across the floor back towards the room, and you were too physically weak to fight them off. Your shoulder still throbbed in pain but that didn't stop whoever they were from pulling you back into the room past the pink haired girl who tilted her head and looked worried with a hand to her face. You cursed pushing and pulling until you were plopped down onto something soft and you were finally released, falling backwards onto the soft bed- Your body said screw it and pushed yourself back up to snarl at your captors-...Only to be taken aback by what..Or better yet WHO who saw surrounding you.

LADIES!!

There was five other women in here staring at you. And all of them were fairly beautiful.  There was the girl still sitting in the futon a few feet away from you, her long black hair flowing around her nightgown and an open book she had presumably been reading open wide on her lap. A second figure was worriedly shifting from one foot to the other looking the most worried and had long pink braids that faded to a lime green at the ends. But the two you REALLY noticed was the two looming over you. The one to the right was the most beautiful. Pretty pink eyes, tall, and long black hair that swayed when she tilted her smile at you. The second one was more around your height, and just as pretty with black hair with purple ends pinned up and lavender orbs gazing down at you. She also wore a smile but it looked more..blank than the first one. And then finally you caught a fifth person's gaze. Young. So young that she could've been your little sister if your parents had anyone children. She peeked around the doorframe curiously with pink eyes a similar shade to the tall girl but in design more to the purple eyed one. All three having a similar facial structure. 

You stared at everyone around you bewildered before scowling. "Look- Just take what you want!" You held up a hand. "I don't have anything valuable on me anyways! Just let me go and I promise you I won't tell anyone!" The two smiling people exchanged looks above you. "I'm not worth the trouble anyways!"

There was a moment of silence still before Ms. Tall-With-Pink-Eyes chuckled holding a hand to her face. "I think she's mixing up the situation as something else."

"Well can you blame her with what she went through last night?," Ms. Lavender Eyes answered back before they both looked at you again. "I think we got off om the wrong foot." You jumped as with without warning she grabbed your eye forcing it more open as she peered at you. "Her eyes aren't clouded so that must mean she's completely lucid. Are you feeling light headed or anything similar?"

"Ow. " You pulled away from her shaking your head and scowling. "Just who are you people!? Where am I?!" Obviously you weren't home and you weren't on any beach. So where was this place?

"Forgive us. You must be very confused." Ms. Tall-With-Pink-Eyes spoke again before Ms. Lavender Eyes moved beside you. "I'm Kanae and that's my sister." She gestured to said sister who picked up your wrist to feel for a pulse as you were distracted. "You're here because you were hurt. Do you remember anything about what happened last night?"

"Last..night?"

She nodded as her sister went to your back. "Don't push yourself if you can't but can you tell us if you do remember what happened?"

Your eyes blinked. Mind going off in thought. What did happen last night? ..You remembered arriving at the beach- "I..remember the beach. It was so big and full of wreckage." Just thinking about all of those broken ships, some being where the men of your village spent their last living moments, sent chills down your spine. "And it was just turning sunset." You remembered how beautiful it was. You've never seen the sun make water sparkle like that. "Then I-" You opened your mouth but quickly stopped and closed it.

YOU COULDN'T TELL THEM YOU WERE HELPING MERMAIDS!! They might think you were crazy or having bad hallucinations! Or they might turn on you for helping nonhuman creatures!

"I was...releasing some fish back into the ocean I didn't want," you settled on. Technically it was the truth. Mermaids were part fish after all. "And then-"

You fell silent once more. A rock settling in your stomach. Akira. Knife. Stabbing. Everything going black!

"Akira!" The women jumped as you looked around wildly. Fear etched into your features. But there was no man amongst the women still amongst you. "Where is he?! H-He was on the docks with me when I passed out!"

"The man who stabbed you?" You flinched at Ms. Lavender Eye's blunt tone but she waved you off pulling the back of your collar to peek at your back. "..Hmm. The bandages are still clean and tied. I don't think she tore any stitches from her earlier stunt."

Your head craned behind you to raise a brow at her. "Stitches?"

She nodded. "You're extremely lucky! Your wound isn't very large or deep despite requiring stitches. You should be fully healed in two maybe three months. Obviously whoever tried to harm you was stupid in his selection of weapons!"

....You didn't know whether she was being serious or sarcastic with the bluntness of her words but you did frown. "Well thank goodness for that. I was worried about the size of knife that nearly killed me! Thank goodness for stupidity." Your eyes rolled. "But that still doesn't answer my questions. Who are you people and where am I?"

"Forgive us." Kanae(why does that name sound familiar?) smiled wider at you. Maybe to try to comfort you? "You're on an island a few miles off the coast you described. You were brought here by a few friends to have your wounds treated." She held up her hands. "But don't worry. As long as you take it easy, your wound shall heal in the timeframe my sister described." Well that's a relief. "However you lost some blood."

The blood drained from your face. "How..much?"

"About a pint I'd say. Don't worry. Usually the human body replaces that amount within twenty four hours but I want you to rest for at least two or three days before you try walking just in case."

"Oh...Will I be able to walk normally then?"

"Certainly."

You gave a sigh of relief. "Good. Then I can finally be able to go home." Kanae lost her smile for a moment giving a glance at her sister. "Then who are the rest of you?" You gave another look around the room. The other girl in bed was dressed a similar way to you in white nightgowns. We're you in a hospital? "Is she a patient too?"

"Oh. How rude of me. That's Koyuki. She's just running a fever. She's Shinobu, Mitsuri, and that is our younger sister in the doorway." Kanae pointed at each person as she told you their names with a smile. Mitsuri? Shinobu? Kanae? Koyuki? Why did all of their names sound familiar to you? You blinked as the blue blanket was pulled back up your body by Kanae. "Your body needs rest. Try to get comfortable and we'll bring you some food. You'll be needing lots of liquids and try to relax. Ok?"

You didn't know what to think really as you were made to lay back down and watched as they left. Where were you? Where was Akira? Where were your friends? We're they ok?....Your brain answered two of the four questions. Your friends are back in the ocean now safe and sound at last where they should be. By now they were probably already far away from here reuniting with Tengen(whoever he was) and they'd all be happy again.

...

A tiny smile formed on your face at the thought. It didn't matter if you were hurt. Your mission was successful and over with. Your friends were safe and home at last, you were no longer baring any burdens, and you were alive. Even if your current state was less than ideal, you didn't have to worry about anything else. Finally after so many months, the best kind of relief filled your body and you allowed yourself to relax. There was still the matter of Akira ..and Niko's horse but you'd happily deal with both of those later. With any luck the ships will be spared now and things could go back to the ways they were. Maybe people could even move back to town!

Oh how fate loved to throw boulders at you.

The Mitsuri girl had stayed to clean up the soup you made her spill (oops) and then two of the three sisters returned carrying trays of more soup. Kanae and her younger pinked eyed sister. The young girl couldn't have been older than fifteen or sixteen years tops. Both you and Koyuki had been given this crab soup and something dawned on you. The spoon lifted to your face but never touched your face as you froze up staring wide eyed. Footsteps softly thudded towards the doorway on their way ou-

"Kanae Kocho."

The footsteps stopped just shy of the doorway, back to the f/c eyes that now looked at her in familiarity.

"You're Kanae Kocho aren't you?! And your sisters are the same ones that disappeared last year!" 

The realization had finally struck you. THESE REALLY ARE THE KOCHO SISTERS!! They'd disappeared last year and vanished without a trace! You weren't particularly close to the Kocho family but being in the same town you'd see them walking around from time to time. It just took you a while to recognize them! 

"And you got kidnapped the year before that!," you accused pointing at Mitsuri who only blinked, "And you're the girl that was rumored to have drowned two years ago!" Koyuki blinked at the pointing hand. "What are you all doing here?! Don't you know your families are worried sick about you all?! What gives?! How did you escape that Naga?! Did you all just fake your deaths or something?!"

You couldn't help the rapid firing of questions that left your mouth under the mountain of realizations. These girls were apparently alive, not dead, and seemed in your point of view to be doing so well for themselves. What the hell gives?! No one answered. Giving you wide eyed silent stares until Kanae turned to you still with that smile which had now turned sad. 

"Get some rest. Everything will be answered in time."

You were left just like that. Left with the weird sea food tasting soup to eat and with more questions than answers. 

...

WHAT THE ACTUALLY HELL WAS GOING ON HERE?!

First all these girls disappear, then a couple merman destroy your town and way of life, then a merman shows up, then you get wrapped up in kidnapped mermaid drama, then you get stabbed while releasing said mermaids, and now the girls that are supposed to be dead... Aren't dead??? Just what the world did you get yourself into!? It was like just when you got yourself out of one mystery you fall into another! You tried talking to the other two remaining girls but Koyuki didn't say anything and Mitsuri squeaked out some excuse to leave quickly. It almost felt like you were back to square one... Y'know what? It's fine. If they ran away from home then that wasn't any of your business but you'd send some anonymous letters to the families (if you could find them) and let them sort this out. You didn't think they deserved to believe their daughters were dead.

You had enough things to worry about without getting involved into anymore drama. 

Like getting back home and getting your life back in order. So you didn't mention anything about disappearing or mermaids for the rest of that day, and the next day either. Shinobu had shown up to look over yourself again and you only remained polite and short.

"Do you feel better today?", she asked you.

"Yes. Thank you ..And sorry about yesterday."

"Don't worry about it. I'd act the same way if I was you. Any pain or numbness?"

"Only in my shoulder."

That was it. Only a few sentences before she left again and you were left in bed to rest with nothing but more of that fish tasting soup to eat. You get that they wanted you to have more liquids but couldn't they at least give you better tasting soup? 

You couldn't take it the third day. You awoke pretty early in the morning, in fact the sun was barely even up when you woke. Taking a moment you stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before glancing over to Koyuki. She was fast asleep softly snoring and turned away from you.. Everyone else was probably most likely still asleep this early as well.

NOW WAS YOUR CHANCE! 

Slowly the blankets was peeled off your body and in the same manner as two days ago, you rolled onto your unhurt side to push up onto your hands and knees. Biting your tongue to not groan  in pain that still lingered. Hurt or not you were leaving. You had done your duties, now you could just move on and never look back! Ever so slowly you pushed yourself to your feet which were still a bit wobbly but not as bad as it was two days ago. You should be able to walk now though if you went by what Kanae said. Tip toeing your way over, you slowly slid the door open only looking behind you once to make sure Koyuki was still fast asleep before popping your head into the hallway. It was quiet and no one else was around. 

AND THE DOOR TO FREEDOM WAS STILL THERE DOWN THE HALL.

You slowly stepped out into the hall closing the door back behind you quietly. You still couldn't run with your wobbly legs so you instead wobble walked down the hall quietly and made for the door. You had a head start! If you hurried then you'd be able to get away without anyone noticing that you were missing. The front door was upon you. It slid open. You stepped out and quickly slid it back shut. You turned around-

AND THEN YOU WERE MET WITH THE OCEAN!

You stopped stunned by the long stretch of sandy beach only stopping when it collided with lazy waves rolling over the soft sand and wetting any shells under it. The silence was only broken by said waves and the soft footfalls of your feet taking a few steps in the squishy sand. The wind blew send stands of your messy hair flowing about and the hem of your long nightgown flowing. A few seagulls cried out in the distance excited to have some food and leaving you to stare.

"...Where am I?"

F/c orbs scanned the horizon where the sunrise was rising from the horizon. Nothing but blue water was in every direction you looked in. Not a sign of other land anywhere!...You were probably taking further down the beach! There wasn't any wreckage so that must mean you were taken further away from the docks. So if you just started walking then you'd soon come back to the graveyard of ships! Perfect! You hoped the horse was still windering where you left it. With a breath you began walking along the sandy shore and away from the house to get away before they could wake you up and drag you back to the room again. 

So you walked. Wobbly along but you walked. And walked. And walked. 

YOU DIDN'T SEE THE RED EYES WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE OR THE WHITE MASS UNDER THE WAVES FOLLOWING YOU. 

Slowly the sun rose higher and higher in the sky making it warmer and brighter. Huh. You knew the coast was really big by the stories the fishermen told but you wondered how far up the beach they took you. Your right side was nothing but beach and ocean. Your left tropical forest you didn't want to go explore. The house was out of sight now, but you couldn't tell exactly how far away you were from it. 

"I'm starting to get beat."

Your body still might've not have been fully recovered because you were quickly getting tired with the want to rest. You usually could go on for longer but you were in condition to fight your body's limits. So you stopped and looked around. There wasn't anywhere in sight that could be a suitable place to sit down and rest, until you spotted a large flat rock leading off the shore and into the water a little bit. The waves sloshing on the sides but not wetting the top. Seemed like a good of a place as any to sit down that wasn't in danger of sharp seashells or whatever dangerous animals might be in the unknown woods behind you. But it was smack dab in sight for all to see.

"..Ten minutes," you told yourself tiredly wobbling towards it, "It's only for just ten minutes. Then I'm leaving."

The squishy sand laced with sharp shells scraped under your tired legs soon replaced by warm but smooth rock as you stepped onto the flat stone and sighed. It felt nice. Magenta eyes watched the way you smiled beautifully at your feet and stepped further to the edge of the rock. Drifting closer the eyes came as she slowly lowered until she sat down submerging her legs to the knees and sighing in the relief the cool water gave her sore body. The bottom of her nightgown bunched up just above her kneecaps. A giggle escaping her as the waves rolled over her skin. She looked pretty.

You sighed in the relief your legs were currently getting hugged by the water. "This feels nice. It's too bad my shoulder is killing me." 

Bubbles streaming to the surface got closer and closer to you as a white mass got closer and closer until a webbed hand silently reached out to grab the ledge of the rock behind you-

"Ah!" You hissed and gently reached a hand behind you to gentle rub your shoulder with a wince.

"Back pain? I hate that." 

"Tell me about it. So annoying."

"I know right?"

"Yes."

"......"

"......"

A GLASS SHATTERING SOUND WENT OFF IN YOUR MIND.

Your eyes comically went wide as an owl's as you froze. ...And then you slowly turned around. A man with red wine eyes and white hair was staring at you from the Water's edge.

"Hey."

You squealed leaning back- S P LA S H!! 

"SHIT!"

 He cried out when her form disappeared under the waves and a second later he dove right back under after her. Silence claimed the area once more before you broke the surface of the Water gasping and clawing at the stone for dear life like a drowning cat desperately pulling yourself up with help from two large hands pushing you up by the waist. Scrambling and crawling onto the once nice dry rock spitting out nasty too salty water before coughing and hacking. 

"'Eeehhh. Not really the flashy introduction I was hoping for."

You looked back up and yelped as a head was poking out of the water right in front of you. "Don't fall in again!" It- He shouted with an annoyed frown. "That's how you weak humans drown!"

"Wh-Who the hell are you?!" You leaned back leaning an arm up in case you had to defend yourself.

"You don't recognize me! I literally saved you like three days ago! Do humans really have that bad of a memory or what?!", he barked.

....Now you scowled. "Now see here you overgrown sea mule!" The man whoever he was blinked once taken aback by the sudden scowl and bite you gave him. "I'm too dam tired to be talked to like a brainless rock! I've been drained, stressed out my dam mind, attacked, and nearly drowned TWICE now! The last thing I need right now is the ocean equivalent of a donkey shit talking me! If you want to bother someone, go find a shark to antagonize!"

The man blinked once. Twice. Before he slowly hummed looking you up and down all drenched like a wet cat. "Well...The weren't wrong when they said you were certainly different."

"They? Just who are you?" 

He hummed again crossing his arms over the rock's edge. "I thought you already knew...but then again you never met me personally and when we did you were already passed out." A giant smile of ABSOLUTELY LARGE FANGS made you give pause and gulp. "Allow me to actually give you a flashy introduction worthy of my status!"

Two clawed hands dug themselves into the rock and your jaw dropped in fear as an absolutely massive body hauled itself out of the water and onto the rock. A large shadow loomed over you. 

He was-..massive!

Even larger than freaking KYOJURO!! And Kyo was bigger than Akira! A body beautiful sculpted by rippling muscles and scars sat itself upon the rock. Scattered purple scales glistening with water droplets aligned in a strange pattern you've never seen on any other mer  across the torso and around the waist where his human half blended into a absolutely BEAUTIFUL shimmering white koi tail similar to Makio's only BIGGER and SHINIER! A rainbow pearlescent effect it had has the light bounced off his large koi tail. The fins large and flowing in the water like the fabric of beautiful silk in the wind. But that wasn't all. 

A small jingling noise arose with him. The source being from the hoops dangling from his wrists. However you didn't notice that. Only the strange Mitch match of green and red sharp claws sticking out from hands large enough to crush you. Larger golden bands were tightly wrapped around his upper forearms as he flexed them out to you. But the thing was-

HE WAS ABSOLUTELY ADORNED IN JEWELS!!

A series of golden earrings were embedded into his ears, a similar piercing on his bottom lip. Across his forehead was some kind of large silver headband with three beautiful glimmering large diamonds in the front. Remember how Kyojuro's hands had a few rings? Well this guy had LOTS of rings! Some fingers having more than one on them. A long strand of shiny silver rocks clinked together and dangled from his headband. At least three different necklaces were wrapped around his neck with different valuable stones. Down his sculpted figure was a few various chains with a thick single silver one wrapped around his middle with a few polished seashells dangling from it's heavy bulk. But what really stood out was the large red and dark pink polished gems and stones pushed into his scales and embedded permanently into himself. The piercing wine red eyes crinkled up half lidded in a wide fanged smile at you- Holy shit! THOSE FANGS WERE LARGER THAN KYOJURO'S! His pure white hair falling down framing his face and for some reason a strange red birthmark over his right eye.

"I am Lord Tengen Uzui of the Western Isles! But you can call me Lord Tengen! And you have the honor of being in the presence of the God of Ocean's Deep!," he loudly announced out. Bold, assertive, and powerful enough to be feared by all who see him!

You only stared at him wide eyed. Holy shit...HE WAS BEAUTIFUL-!!

You immediately shook your head chasing away any of those thoughts. "...I don't believe it."

"Heh. Having a moment processing my flamboyant stature are you?"

"No. I can't believe the person responsible for half of my suffering is an over dressed full of himself watered down peacock."

"WHAT?!," he shouted turning towards your deadpanned face. "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I'M THE MOST FLASHY AND STRONGEST MER THIS SIDE OF THE WEST COAST!!" He shouted in your face pointing a sharp red nail at your face, the bracelets around his wrists jingling with his movements.

".....I still don't see it. How'd you manage to beach all those ships? Flex and blind the captains with your over dressed scales?"

"HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR ME, GIRLIE!! I SAVED YOUR LIFE!! 

"Right.." You glanced at the claw pointed at you, and then his large fangs as he gritted his teeth together annoyed. ..And just remembered how much bigger he was than you. On second thought it probably wasn't a good idea to argue with the guy that caused so much damage single handedly. You sighed with a breath. "Right. ..You did do that. Thanks for that." He huffed a sound. "No. I mean it. Thank you. And I'm sorry for being rude earlier. I'm just really on edge lately. A lot of bad stuff has happened recently."

"I've been told." He still looked and sounded annoyed but leaned back up from where he was sitting and recrossed his arms making his biceps and arms flex automatically. ".... You're going to live?"

It was a statement but the way he said it sounded like a question so you nodded. "Yes. I was told my shoulder isn't serious and it'll heal within a few months. I can live with that."

He hummed again. "I guess it's a good thing I got to you when I did then."

"Yes. Yes...So.. You're the famous Tengen Uzui I've heard so much about?" You took a moment to glance over this mountain of a man again. If he was human you estimated he'd he OVER six feet tall. "You're certainly a lot taller than I expected."

..That smile from before was back. "In the flashy flesh!" He winked and shot a one handed finger gun at you which in turn made you giggle. "And you must be Y/n. My wives' told me all about you."

"Ah. You mean Hinatsuru?"

"And Makio and Suma. And apparently Kyojuro.." His gaze peered off for a second. "He told me that you saved him after he stopped breathing. Is that true? Did he stop.. living?"

He was asking you about this now? You tilted his gaze to try to see his eyes but they were firmly set to where his tail met the water. "No. He never stopped living really." The eyes looked back to you. "He just needed a helping hand is all. So did everyone apparently...Are they alright now?"

He slowly nodded. "Yeah. Yeah they're fine." Both arms raised to hold the behind of his head. "They're all still asleep or just waking up by now. I know Suma is probably still sleeping in." He chuckled at nothing dryly. "It's so surreal to have them all back."

"I'm just glad they're alright. I can't imagine what you all went through was anything but terrifying."

"Tell me about it. You have no idea what it's like having every person you love tipped away from you with there being nothing you can do to prevent it. Never knowing what's happening to them or where they are." ... His eyes narrowed down at nothing. "Knowing if they were dead or alive."

"... You're right."

Tengen paused. Blinking. "What?" He looked at you arms falling to his sides. "What did you say?"

"I said-.. You're right." F/c eyes looked away guiltily from him. "You're right. I don't know what it's like to lose family, at least not in the way you did and Kyojuro did. ..My parents died when I was really young but there's a big difference between loosing someone to natural causes and loosing someone to someone's else's own selfish intentions. If my loved ones were kidnapped by someone and taken somewhere I could never get to-...I would have probably felt the same unbridled anger and fear you must've had." ...You looked up at him after he remained silent and found him staring at you with an absolutely shocked expression. "Um..Did I say something wrong?"

Tengen slowly shook his head no. "I-..N-No. it's not that. I-I-...Well to be perfectly honest with you I was actually waiting for you to start cursing me and tearing me apart with what happened to your life."

You blinked. "Oh. I guess they really did tell you everything about me huh?"

He nodded. "Yep. Completely everything. We're very honest with one another. I don't believe in keeping secrets from one another."

Oh gods. If they told him about the effects his actions had on your town and everyone's livelihoods- Then did that mean they literally told him about them kissing you?! And Kyojuro proposing?! And- Oh god. You hoped Kyojuro didn't tell him that-

"So.." A cheeky smirk crossed his face. Leaning closer to your reddening face. "Do all women have this magical power of medical kissing?~" 

"UUUUUUGGGHHH!!" You shouted into the open air making him burst into loud laughter as you raised your hands and loudly facepalmed. "FOR THE LAST TIME!  IT! WASN'T! A! KISS!! IT'S C! P! R! IT'S A MEDICAL TECHNIQUE EVERYONE IN MY TOWN WAS TAUGHT!"

"Ooh.~ A secret excuse for kissing your neighbors. How flashy.~"

Your madly blushing face snapped to him. "ONE MORE JOKE AND I'LL TURN YOU INTO FISH BAIT!!" 

"HAHAHAHAHA!!" His loud laugh and large smile made the seemingly narcissistic personality and the scary persona before that seemed non existent. Melting to a joyful painting that had tears forming at the corners of his eyes. "I wouldn't expect anything less! You certainly exceeded my expectations of you."

"Well..Who did you expect me to be?" You changed the topic feeling your face burning up. 

He shrugged still chuckling and shoulders shaking. "Well..I know I wasn't expecting an innocent angel, not with your attitude. But I also wasn't expecting you to literally agree with what I had done so easily."

"I don't agree with what you did." He blinked as you held up a hand. "Not fully. I said I understand why you did what you did and I can sympathize with everyone of you, but I can't forget the damage it caused everyone who wasn't responsible for what you all went through. I DON'T!!" You quickly held up a hand when he opened his mouth. "Blame you. I really don't. But I can say what you did didn't just affect me either."

.. Tengen slowly closed his mouth letting a sigh through his nose. "You-..Have that right, and I can't deny you're right. But you sound almost guilty."

You blinked surprised. "You can tell?"

"I have very good hearing. Sounds and tones tell me a lot. It's how I heard you leaving the house you were in." Ah. That explained the sudden appearance. "Is there a reason to that?"

"I-..*sigh* I dunno. I guess I feel guilty because I did kinda blame you for a lot of what happened for a while but-..I don't know." Your hand held your head again. "A lot of things have been complicated for a long time."

"I- Yeah. I know that feeling."

Silence followed. Nothing but the soft waves sloshing on the shore and a few seagulls cawing in the distance. 

"...So why did you follow me?" You peered at him from the corner of your eyes. "You said you followed me from that house."

He shrugged. "Curious about ya I guess. And if I'm being a bit honest, I wanted to be sure they weren't being tricked by anyone. No offense."

"With what you went through it's understandable. I'd do that to if I was you."

"There was another reason why I followed you though. Well two reasons really."

Oh? You turned raising a brow. "Really? And what are those reasons?"

"Well Firstly I wanted to see if you were ok or not. I was told you were fine by those girls-" Wait. Tengen knew Kanae and the others? "-but I had to see for myself. The second reason was to thank you."

"Huh? Thank me? For what?"

"Everything. You willingly put yourself in danger for someone who wasn't even the same species. Do you know how many humans would literally do that willingly? Humans are selfish creatures who-"  He paused as your brow rose higher. "Uh- *AHEM!* I mean the bad humans are selfish creatures."

"Nice save."

"I'm serious though. Every human I encountered would've never done something like that. So..Why did you get involved?"

You took a moment to pause. "..I don't really know. I guess it's because it was wrong? Maybe because I would've felt guilty if I didn't do anything? I don't know for sure but in the end it was the right choice wasn't it? I mean-" You gestured to him. "You're all back together and alright. That's what matters."

"Right, right. ...But what happened to you-"

"Wasn't your fault. Sure what you did had an effect on my life but none of this would've happened at all if those people didn't kidnap your wives. You were just trying to get them back. Maybe not the way I'd go about it but again I'm not you."

"Right. So is this the part where I apologize for everything or do humans do the whole emotional talking first?"

You snorted. A smile on your face before you turned to him again. "How about we both just forgive each other and call it even?"

He smiled wider. "Thank Posidon. I thought I'd have to spill every emotion I feel before we get here." You chuckled more. "Seriously however. I am grateful for what you did. Don't think I can repay you for that."

"Actually you can." His head tilted interested. "Don't sink anymore ships and we'll call it even. Alright?"

..Tengen smiled widely. "You got it. I don't think I have any more reason for that anyways."

Relief filled you. At least that was over with..You blinked at something the two of you hadn't noticed. Tengen blinked as you slowly got up and a hand gently grabbed the side of his face so gently. A second later a wet sleeve ran over the underside of his eyes. 

"You're crying. Here. You'll be fine now..Sorry if it's not dry. Water will do that to you."

He didn't say anything. Only staring wide eyed at nothing until you backed away from him..and a hand slowly touched his cheek where your hand had previously been.

"Now then." You placed your hands on your hips and looked around. You've been walking for at least an hour now and there was still no sign of where you first started out from. "Can you tell me how far it is back to the docks?" 

Tengen stared wide eyed at your form-

"Tengen."

"Huh? W-What?"

"I asked how much farther do I have to walk before I reach the docks again. I've been walking for at least an hour now."

He blinked again before looking confused. "Docks? You're not on the west coast anymore."

You stared at him. "...Beg pardon?"

"You're in my territory. This island here." A hand patted the rock you both stood on. "This is mine. So are the other two islands off the coast and the coast I claimed during my skirmish there."

You stared at him wide eyed. "Wait..Are you saying that Im actually stuck on a deserted island?"

"It's not deserted! Everyone's mates live up in the house there. That's why you were brought here. It has everything you need to stay."

You continued to stare at him. "...WHAT?!"

[chuuyasfanboy]

hi! may i request hurt to comfort scenarios with dazai, ranpo and chuuya in which it's the first time they make the reader cry during an argument?

yesss hi my first request! I always love reading these kinds of scenarios, they're super angsty but also comforting ykykyk. This is just me but personally I have a really hard time reading hurt no comfort (definitely easy to write it tho hheeeh) so I usually prefer hurt comfort...

Anyways, here we go! I love these three sm<333

Ranpo, Dazai, and Chuuya (Seperate) x GN!Reader when they make you cry in an argument

Ranpo Edogawa

He should know better

No.

He DOES know better.

But for some reason, he just got so heated that he stopped thinking morally. Some evil part of him deep down inside wanted you to cry

The moment it happens though, everything comes back to him

He said the wrong thing at a HORRIBLY wrong time and he knew he did.

He drops everything, goes straight to petty, simple ways to get you to smile

Free reign to his candies, cuddles galore, constant apologies

His first priority is to stop you from being mad. Once you're calmed down, then you two can talk properly

He knows communication is important, and he tries his best to keep it going even when its embarrassing

Especially when it's about you, like it is now

When your tears have been reduced to nothing but little choked sobs, he pulls you into a separate room

Thankfully, nobody was in the office to see that

If they were, he'd be harassed about it for weeks. And he'd deserve it

But nobody was

Just in case though, he still pulls you into a private room

For your sake, he insists to himself, because he doesn't want you to be seen like this, he knows how bad it feels (And he doesn't want anyone to know it was him who did that to you)

He runs his hands through your hair gently, mumbling out soft, genuine apologies

"I'm so sorry, Sugar.." He whispers into your hair, your face stuffed and hidden away in the crook of his neck. He holds you there, because he doesn't mind it, and he needs you to know that right now. "I didn't mean any of it, I'm so sorry. I knew better than that..."

Dazai Osamu

"Oh shit-"

His mind goes completely blank, his jaw drops

He didn't mean to bring you to tears, that was never his intention

Honestly, he thought it was a funny joke, he thought it would lighten the argument

But it did not, it most certainly did not.

His arms immediately wrap around your head and pull you close to his chest

He doesn't want you to pull away, not right now

He needs a second to process himself

To think about his words, what about them affected you

"Oh, 'donna.."

Seeing you like this gets to him, because he honest to god feels like a monster now

What kind of beast makes his own lover cry. He never thought it would be him

So he keeps you close, he mumbles into your ear and tries to calm down you

He's not good at it, he never has been, and he never will be

But he's trying so hard he might cry himself

And then you're both in tears together, confused and miserable

Safe to say after that, the argument blows over and is forgotten

Because nothing is more important than each other, and now you're both just trying to figure out why the other is in tears

"I didn't mean it, 'donna, I didn't," it's the fifth time he's said it in the last minute. You know he's sorry, but hell if he's going to stop saying it. He's trying to comfort himself too, promise to himself that he'd never treat you like that again. Even if it was harmless, even if you were just in a bad mood, he never wants to hurt you.

Chuuya Nakahara

Somehow, this always seemed to happen

After a shitty day at work, and a shitty day for you too.

Usually, you two would just sit in silence, enjoy a movie, and go to bed quietly

But on the few occasions where you two did talk during those frustrating nights, everything cracked

He was so mad, and you were too, you were both so tired

And everything fell into yelling so quickly, quicker than usual

This is why you two didn't talk after shared long days, because of this

But you never cried

You never cried because of him

Not until now

He's almost breathless when he realizes you're choking over your words

He whips around to face you, and for a second it looks like he's going to yell at you more

But instead he's gently wiping your tears away

Because fuck, as perfect as you are regardless, you should never be crying when he's around

When you two got together, he promised you would never cry again

And that was a lie, it seems

You didn't even remember that promise, of course. But he did, because he meant it

This is very serious to him.

He seats you on the couch, tucks a blanket around you, and sits down in front of you on the floor, holding your hands in his

He knows he can't really make up for it. Yelling at you was always a shitty idea, and he should've realized that before every time the two of you devolved into arguments like that

But now the pressure had all come down on your chest, and he was going to keep it from being too much

Your favorite movie or show is on as background noise

Soft kisses on your hands, quiet mumbles in your skin

He's so gentle with you. Maybe it doesn't always seem like that, but he is right now

"My sweet thing, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have yelled like that. I'll make up for it," his voice is always so harmonic like that, when he's frowning up at you and tracing shapes into the palm of your hand. He's ordering takeout, your favorite comfort or safe food. He'll even cook it himself if you ask, anything to make you feel better right now. There's water to your side, the softest blanket he could find tucked snug around your shoulders. And he's going to stay here with you for as long as you need to forgive him.

[tempesttz]

i feel like causing problems today: correcting actual endogenic misinformation on the anti endo blog about "correcting misinformation"

WARNING: VERY LONG POST ABOUT SYSCOURSE BELOW THE CUT! you have been warned. stay safe! :3c

[/image id: screenshot of tumblr blog @antimisinfo, the blog's profile picture, and the blog's header stating "correcting misinformation." end id.] (before we get into this, some of these images will be very bright! i will try to provide accurate image ids to every screenshot i post. stay safe!) okay so see this account right? op has no clue what they're talking about. addressing pronouns right now, i was going to refer to them by their preferred collective pronouns but i can't find them? i checked their carrd and their alters all had different pronouns and their about me just says this

[/image id: text stating, "horned haters is a subsystem filled with alters who hate endos / pro-endos. our whole system does but we are more passionate about it and plan to try make as many safe spaces for anti-endos as we possibly can!" end id.] so at least i know they prefer alters. cool [happy] so far okay whatever they REALLY hate endogenic systems thats cool thats whatever nothing new there but

[/image id: five images of different flags, likely did/osdd related, anti endo related, or something similar. text underneath flags states "system hot takes," "anti endo support group," "anti endo system terms," "agre and littles safespace," and "fictive stuff." end id.] jegus dude you weren't joking about being passionate about hating. this is like, grade a hater here. but i digress this probably isn't the post to be screwing around on i'll keep the screwing to a minimum i promise. that being said i don't promise to be nice, i do not owe anyone kindness, especially when they are not kind to me. i will try to be polite. so this is already splendid right but you would think with this many accounts dedicated to hating endogenic systems (they also own anti endo vents, i think?) they would at least know what they're talking about, right? right?????

[/image id: text reading "so what are endos? endos or endogenics are people who claim to have did/osdd without trauma or claim to have alters/be a system without having did/osdd." end id.] source: endos / endogenics and why they aren't valid, may 8 2024 for the sake of convenience, i'm going to be referring to did/osdd as osddid from now on. okay so first of all, anyone who claims to be endogenic while having osddid is almost definitely also traumagenic and has reasons rooted in trauma, those two things aren't mutually exclusive. endogenic is a broad, personal label. an endogenic system with did could be one with a lot of created alters or headmates. or just two created alters, headmates, etc. who knows! it's a very personal label after all. that being said, to have osddid, you have to have some form of trauma in almost every case, because trauma is what causes the dissociation, amnesia and other symptoms of osddid. anyone who's arguing to the contrary is wrong. you cannot have osddid without trauma? "so tempy, endogenic systems aren't real! they don't have osddid!" wrong. you can be a system without having osddid. for just one example, sourced from the national library of medicine, pubmed central, "multiplicity can be placed along a continuum between identity disturbance and dissociative identity disorder (did), although most systems function relatively well in everyday life. Further research is needed to explore this phenomenon, especially in terms of the extent to which multiplicity can be regarded as a healthy way of coping." (2017) taking some bookmarks from your sixth grade english class (which i can only hope you have passed by now, if you are on this website,) we are going to use some inferences. if multiplicity isn't dissociative identity disorder, but it is a state of being multiple and a system, what do you have? a system without osddid. "but tempy, that doesn't mention osdd!" that's because osdd wasn't a medical term before the dsm-5. not to mention, it stresses that "...most systems function relatively well in everyday life..." and that "...multiplicity can be regarded as a healthy way of coping." osdd is a disorder and an osdd system's plurality is disordered. non-disordered plurality is a thing that exists, and almost all non-traumagenic plurals are non-disordered! so we're already off to a terrible start. op isn't creating a distinction between plurality and osddid, likely because they believe that osddid is the only way to be plural. this not only was disproved above by a literal scientific article on a .gov website, but also the icd-11.

[/image id: text stating "boundary with normality (threshold):" which then moves a line down to a bullet point stating "the presence of two or more distinct personality states does not always indicate the presence of a mental disorder. in certain circumstances (e.g., as experienced by 'mediums' or other culturally accepted spiritual practitioners) the presence of multiple personality states is not experienced as aversive and is not associated with impairment in functioning. a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder should not be assigned in these cases." end id.] so someone can experience multiple personality states without it being part of a mental disorder. and it's not dissociative identity disorder, and it can't be otherwise specified dissociative disorder, so... i wonder what it could be? well, many things! all under the wonderful way-too-vague umbrella that is endogenic plurality. oh, you need more proof? how about we look to a book written by eric yarbrough, a psychiatrist who specializes in lgbtq issues:

[/image id: text reading "the phenomenon of plurality is unknown to most mental health clinicians. most professionals know this condition as dissociative identity disorder (american psychiatric association 2013), although plurality and dissociative identity disorder are not exactly the same. being plural, or having two or more people existing in one body or space, is just one part of the diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder. many people who are plural do not experience distress from the existence of others within themselves." end id.] what was that, psychiatrist eric yarbrough in your book transgender mental health which was published by the american psychiatric association?

[/image id: text reading "plurality is a more patient-centered approach to what has historically been referred to as dissociative identities. this is not the same as the dsm-5 diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder (american psychiatric association 2013). plurality makes up just one part of the larger diagnosis and does not necessarily cause distress. although many people who are plural have a history of trauma, there are just as many who do not. a plural system is a collection of all the alters present. with some people these alters might come and go, whereas with others they are static and waiting to be discovered." end id.] this is not the same as the dsm-5 diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder, huh? it's just one part of a larger diagnosis and doesn't necessarily cause distress, huh? still not convinced? rapid fire! zarah eve, sarah parry: "not all multiplicity is based in trauma" (2021) mick cooper: "neuropsychological research has demonstrated the inherently divisible nature of the brain and consciousness" (unsure, likely pre-2013) zarah eve, kim hayes, sarah perry: "multiplicity experiences are phenomenologically distinct from clinical dissociative experiences" (2023)

kymbra clayton: "there may be in the general population a large number of people with [multiplicity] who are high-functioning, relatively free of overt psychopathology, and no more in need of treatment than most of their peers. they may not have abuse histories and may have evolved a creative and adaptive multiplicity." (possibly 2005)

the entire endogenic and non-traumagenic resources google doc, created by a diagnosed traumagenic system can we at least establish there's been a recorded medical existence of healthy, non-disordered multiplicity in psychiatric fields and that this isn't something that someone just made up on tumblr one day? okay, cool, thanks. now i wonder if there's a word for that. oh wait. it's called non-disordered plurality and tends to be much more common in non-traumagenic systems. by now you've probably forgotten the actual reason this post exists, so back to antimisinfo!

[/image id: text reading "why is this bad? this is misinformation because as far as science knows did/osdd is a trauma based disorder (specifically caused by trauma in early childhood, which is speculated to be 1-9 / 1-12 years old) and your brain would not split/create alters without reason. you cannot have alters without having a disorder, this is common sense as it's not normal to have alters. to add onto this endos also take over our communities and teal our terms. (we'll make a post with further information on that in the future.)" end id.] okay so first off non-disordered systems exist, let's stop talking about osddid as if it's the only way plurals can exist. second off, you can be multiple without having a disorder, it's literally highlighted in the icd-11 that non-disordered multiplicity exists. see above for disproving that. this is not common sense, because as seen above people can experience multiplicity without it being disordered, therefore meaning it is "normal," though not realistically normal as all plurals are a minority. normal =/= bad/disordered. cool? cool now, onto "endos take over our communities and steal our terms." i have no clue what terms op is talking about (tried to find their elaboration on those terms but it seems they haven't posted it), nor have i ever gotten an actual comprehensive list of terms they think we're stealing, but here we go: the terms traumagenic and endogenic were created by an endogenic system

[/image id: text reads "an important part of the development of these terms involves our journey towards identifying as plural. we have used a lot of terms for ourselves over the last thirty years; since 2014, we have identified as endogenic, but have known we were plural since at least 1990. the road" text cuts off. end id.] the term plural can be traced back to 2003 and even in its oldest records recognize the existence of non-traumagenic plurality. it has always been an inclusive term

[/image id: header reads "heart's home." text next to it reads "join date: january 02, 2003." text underneath reads, "this is my site for people that have mpd did, {;} also i agree that not all is cause by trauma. {;} i was on the ring from ring world and did not know this was moved." end id.] introject is a psychiatry-focused word, meaning that it could be claimed to be osddid exclusive, however multiple communities have used them in tandem for years. it can be traced back to this glossary which was written before the dsm-5, or pre-2013.

[/image id: text reads "introject - introjection occurs when a person (singlet or plural) internalizes another person (real or fictional) into his or her mental space. in classical psychology, the introject is usually a parent, whose advice for good or ill becomes integrated into the person's moral system. more broadly, many people experience introjects as a kind of muse, inspiring them to creativity or self-improvement (a psychologist would call this an "internalized imago"). (psychiatric)". new line. new line text reads, ""introject" is seen as derogatory by some, because it is a psychiatric word and seems to imply that such people of necessity are unreal. They prefer terms like walk-in, soulbond, or fictive. having an introject does not necessarily mean you're multiple. it is an experience common to singlets and plurals. some multiple systems report adopting people from books, films, or real life, making them part of the group and allowing them to take the front if they desire." so, having introjects hasn't even always been seen as a fully plural experience! singlets used to be considered to be able to have introjects too! isn't that cool? not to mention, they also have a definition for fictive in there, recognized as a wider plural term! cool, cross that off the list... oh? what's this?

[/image id: text reads "system - a group of persons in one body. also, the operating system by which a group governs itself. multiples have many different names for this: group, collective, clan, household (or house), family, etc. (may have originated with a few multiples writing for the amateur press; we first read it in an early mpd book.)" end id.] so non-disordered plurals have used the term system since ever too... not to mention, hey, look at this term!

[/image id: text reads "empowerment is for all multiples. It is not only for natural (non-trauma) multiples; you can be empowered and be a multiple who was born as one person and split due to child abuse. In fact, if that's your situation, empowerment is a wonderful thing for you, and is something your therapist (if any) ought to be encouraging." end id.] wow... non-trauma multiples. look at that. is that enough terms? if you want me to look up more, feel free to suggest anything the endogenic community is "stealing" that haven't been used synonymously and consistently in both traumagenic and endogenic spaces since before traumagenic and endogenic were terms. okay back to misinformation.

[/image id: text is a link that reads "there is also a carrd that explains why endos are bad and debunks a few myths if anyone is interested in it! if not continue reading." end id.] i didn't need to click on this to know it was the why endos are bad carrd. this is the most touted anti endo carrd in existence. i'm so sick of seeing it i'm not even addressing it today. it's wrong and blames endogenic systems for systemic issues like "making actual systems be less believed." not a verbatim quote, but you can go read it for yourself and then scroll up and read everything i just said again.

i've never actually seen another anti-endo carrd. which is saying something, because there's a lot of endogenic carrds, some better than others. carrds in general aren't reputable in most situations, unless they cite other sources, which the why endos are bad carrd doesn't. it cites a google doc about cultural appropriation and the theory of structural dissociation, which is about osddid, not non traumagenic plurality. it also implies that anyone identifying as endogenic has been lied to, is traumagenic and in denial, is a singlet who's experiencing a factitious disorder or other disorder misleading them, or are a singlet faking because they think it's "fun." no comment, i'll talk about it in length another day.

[/image id: text reads, "why can't you have did/osdd or alters without trauma? as far as science knows did/osdd is a trauma disorder and in order to have alters in the first place you require dissociation, which is also a trauma (or stress) response. here are tons of medically reviewed sources that say this:" image ends. end id.] once again, not osdddid. also, "as far as science knows..." see above. science knows about non-disordered plurality. op goes on to list a bunch of articles about dissociative identity disorder, that talk about dissociative identity disorder. they are wonderful articles about dissociative identity disorder and prove that individuals with dissociative identity disorder (and by extension otherwise specified dissociative disorder) experience that disorder due to trauma. that being said... non-disordered multiplicity is a thing, and endogenic systems still don't have osddid. seeing a pattern?

[/image id: text reads, "what about religious beliefs / tulpamancy? first people are not required to believe or participate in your religious beliefs (and religious beliefs are not exempt from criticism) and second tulpamancy is a closed buddhist practice that has nothing to do with being a system and should not be compared to being a system nor should it be included / involved in system communities. Note that the dsm-v also says that in order to have did; "the disturbance is not a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice." <- this does not mean it's possible to have alters due to a religious thing, if anything it says they cannot be counted as alters / as a system." end id.] okay so i corrected this in the image id, but op actually wrote "tuplamancy" twice. lol first off, tulpamancy isn't a closed buddhist practice. a tulpa is a theosophical term that was originally inspired by the tibetan buddhist nirmāṇakāya, translated as in tibetan as sprul-pa. "the western understanding of tulpas was developed by twentieth-century european mystical explorers, who interpreted the idea independently of buddhahood," according to wikipedia, sourced from tracking the tulpa (2015). a google search could tell you this. did you research any of the communities you are attempting to debunk past listening to what people who agree with you say? if you've decided in the past three months that google is your friend, i would google "echo chamber." second off, people absolutely are not required to believe or participate in your religious beliefs, and religious beliefs are subject to criticism. however, they should also be respected. this post, along with most other things you have had to say, have not respected spiritual plurals. not to mention, not all non-traumagenic plurals are spiritual. not to mention, not all tulpamancers are spiritual, in fact, most aren't. "modern practitioners, who call themselves "tulpamancers", use the term to refer to a type of willed imaginary friend which practitioners consider to be sentient and relatively independent. modern practitioners predominantly consider tulpas to be a psychological rather than a paranormal concept. the idea became an important belief in theosophy." see: wikipedia again. i mean, if you want me to go find scientific articles about this i can but wikipedia has plenty. go check the sources on wikipedia. this should have been the first thing you did if you wanted to "combat misinformation," by doing actual research before posting. op then starts talking about did. see: not all plurals are disordered. op also takes the time to shit on spiritual multiplicity again, which i will rightly ignore, refer to two paragraphs ago. it's midnight and i would like to finish writing by 1am.

[/image id: text reads, "to add on, no you cannot pray to be a system or transition into being a system. if you were to pray and one day magically become a system you are either in denial or you've convinced yourself you're something you're not. believing you can be a system without trauma or that you can become a system by praying is like believing you can get autism from vaccines or drinking too much dairy milk, that's just not how it works." end id.] this is a half-truth! you cannot pray to become a system unless you count spiritual possession (and frankly that responsibility lies on the individual in question), and you cannot pray to have osddid as that's a dissociative disorder that stems from childhood. you technically can transition to being plural (created systems are a thing, intentional and unintentional creation of headmates has been recorded dutifully since at least the early 1900s (see: tracking the tulpa, 2015). for the sake of it, here's a sciencedirect article about authors who experience different forms of hearing their characters in their head, who's recounts all sound very similar to non-disordered plurality. "believing you can be a system without trauma or that you can become a system by praying is like believing you can get autism from vaccines or drinking too much dairy milk, that's just not how it works." maybe if all plurality is disordered. it isn't. see above when i showed multiple examples of non-disordered multiplicity. believing that all plurality is disordered is like insisting that god created everything on earth after being presented with the theory of evolution. the analogy goes both ways.

[/image id: text reads, "what about mixed origin systems? Mixed origin systems are not a thing. did/osdd forms purely from trauma, you can't form from a mix of trauma and not trauma, that's not how it works. if you identify as mixed origin you are likely in denial and really need to come to terms with the fact that you are either traumatized or you're not a system at all." ] okay so first of all people can be traumatized past the age of twelve. ooh burn i know crazy. not to mention, plurality in general is known to be experienced by neurodivergent individuals, who as a minority are more likely to experience some form of trauma. this isn't a controversial statement, right? i don't have to prove this, right? cool great thanks. oh hey i just found a really flat ginger ale this will now fuel the rest of this post. there's this crazy concept, some people can be traumatized without it causing them to be disordered. or, a person with osddid could have created headmates, therefore making some of their system of non-traumagenic origin. personally, i was a system before i was traumatized. this caused my plurality to have some very trauma-based aspects, trauma holders and trauma-focused roles. that being said, my plurality (mostly lol) isn't disordered and my first recorded headmate was a created/spontaneous headmate at the age of ~nine.~ isn't that cool? anyways i've been medically recognized as plural so you can't fakeclaim me [silly] i dont have osddid. don't fit the diagnostic criteria. but i've been experiencing headmates since 9 and have recognized my plurality since 12. i'm 18. most of my headmates can be sourced to when i was 13-15, as that's when i experienced the most trauma (i'm better now stay safe though yall). that's decidedly after the gracious "1-12" estimate you gave, op. not to mention, we created headmates intentionally at the age of 12. so what's up with that op? what am i? okay i'm done being anectodal, i just took the opportunity to parry a personal opinion with a personal anecdote just to further drive the nail in that people like this exist and are living breathing sentient individuals with lives outside the screen and many of us have been plural since ever. i sourced non-traumagenic multiplicity to before the dsm-5 just in this post alone, not to mention tulpamancy (many tulpamancers don't consider themselves plural/multiple or part of the community).

[/image id: text reads, "what about other kinds of origins? Other origins like "willowgenic" and all that bullshit? Yeah no, same thing as endos, not possible. look above for all the proof you need, did/osdd is only caused by trauma. traumagenic is the only valid origin." end id.] i dunno if i told you this but did/osdd isn't the only form of plurality because not all plurality is disordered. also, spelling every origin you don't agree with incorrectly in a post that's supposed to be informational doesn't lend to your credibility. it's spelled willogenic. you're welcome. also, the word "traumagenic" was created by an endogenic system (see above, during "endos are stealing our terms," first link). you're appropriating our terms, buddy. [silly]

[/image id: text reads, "but I gave myself did! / but I created my own alters! no you didn't. that isn't possible, you cannot turn yourself into a did/osdd system and creating alters is a coping mechanism, not something you do for fun, sources on this;" text ends. end id.] half truth! you can't give yourself osddid because it's a dissociative disorder that forms due to childhood trauma. you can, however, create alters/headmates. see above when i talked about tulpamancy. op goes on to link more resources about dissociative identity disorder that don't mention other forms of plurality. not all plurals are disordered, let's move on.

[/image id: text reads, "isn't being a system like the same as being trans or being lgbtq? no, many endos compared the two but they are completely different. Being lgbtq is an identity, it's something you are born as. being a system is a debilitating disorder caused by severe trauma, it is counted as a disability which is;" text ends. end id.] first off i gotta say it again, not all plurality is disordered. op goes on to explain why did is a disability, which is true. that's just true. but again. not all plurality is disordered. second off, half truth! being a system is not the same as being lgbtq! that being said, a lot of systems are part of the lgbtq community, both due to its known effects on gender and sexuality and because a lot of them are neurodivergent. speaking on the internet plural community here, anyways. a lot of anti endos are referred to as "sysmeds" as a reference to "transmeds," people who believe that all people who are transgender must have a disorder in the form of gender dysphoria. sysmeds are people who believe that all people who are systems must have a disorder in the form of osddid.... same thing different font debunked not all systems are disordered. anyways.

[/image id: text reads, "but the dsm-v says that trauma isn't required! no, the dsm-v actually says csa isn't required, there are other forms of trauma that don't involve csa or child abuse. To act as if it saying that the trauma isn't always ca or child abuse means that it doesn't require trauma at all is extremely invalidating to those who are traumatized in ways that don't involve child abuse or csa." end id.] both of you are wrong jesus christ. okay so first of all the dsm-v heavily implies that trauma is basically required in order to have osddid.

[/image id: text reading "dissociative identity disorder is associated with overwhelming experiences, traumatic events, and/or abuse occurring in childhood. the full disorder may manifest at al-" text cuts off. end id.]

[/image id: text reads, "the dissociative disorders are frequently found in the aftermath of trauma, and many of the symptoms, including embarrassment and confusion about the symptoms or a desire to hide them, are influenced by the proximity to trauma. in dsm-5, the dissociative disorders are placed next to, but are not part of, the trauma- and stressor-related disorders, reflecting the close relationship between these diagnostic classes. both acute stress disorder" text cuts off. end id.] second of all the part of the dsm-5 that goes over dissociative identity disorder doesn't mention sexual violence once. the best i can assume this claim came from is an old belief that most dissociative identity disorder trauma if not all is inherently sexual.

[/image id: text reads, "promoted by charismatic individuals such as cornelia wilbur -- that multiplicity was almost always caused by severe, repeated child abuse, usually sexual, and was an extreme form of dissociation." end id.] so... where did you get this info, op? you didn't give us a source, after all. and again.... not all plurality is disordered. so this is a pointless argument to make. shit, i'm out of ginger ale. and it's 1am. it's okay i'm basically done right? uh, right?

[/image id: text reads, "but this source claims endos exist / did doesn't require trauma! most of those sources are extremely old and / or made by endos (or pro endos) themselves. (we'll make a more in-depth post on this topic some other time, but for now this is all we have to say on it)" end id.] first off i dated every source i cited, most are post-2013 and the newest is from last september (sep 2023). the oldest is ~2003. you're welcome. second, if you denounce every source given matter how reputable because it's "written by pro endos," you'll only end up listening to people in your own community. hey, remember when i asked you to google "echo chamber?" also, i'm waiting for that post, op. also also, for the sake of it, not all plurality is disordered, so why are we mentioning did again? oh yeah, because you don't believe in non-disordered plurality. is that because all the sources proving their existence are pro endo? hey, fun challenge, if you're over the age of 21 and find yourself wishing to, take a shot every time i reiterate not all plurality is disordered. [joking]

[/image id: text reads, "but we don't know everything about the human brain! you're right, we don't. the brain is mysterious, but we do know enough to know that it doesn't do these kinds of things for no reason. we know the brain reacts to trauma and we know what the difference between a normal brain and a disordered brain is. just because we don't know everything doesn't give people an excuse to jump to conclusions and spread misinformation. it is better to stick to what science currently knows which is the theory of structural dissociation, which is the current theory about how did/osdd forms, and so far no one has been able to disprove it. and before someone says it, no it is not only a theory, it is a scientific theory which is;" end id.] hey i have this fun concept for you not all plurality is disordered. also, just to throw it out there, otto van der hart, the guy who created the theory of structural dissociation referencing the haunted self and doing so along with ellert neijenhuis, suzette boon and kathy steele, had his license revoked years ago for abusing his plural patients. not to mention they promote only referring to the "client" and not the "parts," and only referring to alters as "parts of the client." i recommend reading this article on power to the plurals, and if you feel like some extra reading, you can also check out this old article about how psych professionals used to be encouraged to bait or purposefully leave information out or use different names for integration to attempt to coerce their plural patients into final fusion. in conclusion, not all plurality is disordered, source your shit, and if you're going to talk about only dissociative disorders at least get your claims right. thank you. stop spreading misinformation.

dave got a blinkie for his post so now i want one

[/image id: green and yellow blinkie gif with the words "written by jade harley!" in pixelpoiiz font. end id.]

[/image id: blinkie with a dark blue, almost black background featuring multiple stars, one of which twinkles. contains text reading "written by kankri." in the pixeloid sans font. end id.]

[the-s1lly-corner]

Oh my God.

I had a very funny and slightly strange idea...

Imagine that there is mutual sympathy between the reader and Jax. In short, Jax has crush on reader, but the reader... don’t know it.(or just don’t see it)

So, a new person appears in the circus. It doesn't matter who it is, what it is, what his name is, etc.

So, the newcomer and the reader became very close friends. I mean, sleeping in the same room, hugging, holding hands...(I mean friends, no lovers)

Look, I just want to see Jax get jealous...?

Well, thank you!!

Jealous!Jax x reader !

Ohohohoh I saw this get sent in a few days ago and I've been meaning to get to this ! I answer requests chronologically most the time and I dont like temporarily skipping requests... but boy was I tempted

First things first he stomps his foot in agitation when he sees you and this newcomer hanging out. His ears also lower when you decide to hang out with them over him

Immediately jax targets the guy, like. I'm talking entire tunnel vision, hes hardly interested in pranking anyone else

In fact, these new pranks seem a little... mean spirited.. like before they were just annoying but most of the circus crew can tell theres some meanness set behind them

I mean, no ones all too worried since you cant exactly die or get a long lasting injury in the digital world

Jax makes it very clear that he doesnt like this person

With all of that said and done it boils over into you pulling jax to the side and asking what his deal is

And I can see this going one of both ways

Either he let's slip that he has feelings for you, or he doesnt... and both have major consequences; both good and bad

First the good, if he slips he has feelings and you reciprocate, I think you guys would try to talk the entire thing out... hes jealous.. obviously if you guys get together boundaries are going to need to be set... maybe.. everyone can find a balance where no ones jealous or upset..?

If he doesnt, and he holds his ground on why this new guy is dumb and stinky and "hes soooooooo not in your league, seriously" I think this could escalate.... worst case scenario you guys get into a heated argument. Jax isnt being honest and hes now openly putting down this person, and you're trying to come up with a reason for his sudden malice. Even worse case scenario you guys may.. well stop talking to each other

I don't think jax handles jealousy well, in my opinion

[gunsandspaceships]

Shall we play a game? Answers

Here I'll explain why the correct answers are:

Drinks when upset (Steve)

Criticizes everyone (Steve)

Obeys orders (Tony)

Doesn’t trade lives (Tony)

Worked for politicians for personal gain (Steve)

Good shooter (Tony)

Kissed 4 different women after starting a relationship with his partner (Steve)

Asks others for help and advice when needed (Tony)

Drinks when upset - Steve

He can't get drunk, but that doesn't mean he doesn't drink. And he does this when he is upset for some reason. In Captain America: The First Avenger, it was Bucky's death; in Civil War (extended funeral scene), it was Peggy's death.

There is not a single scene in the entire MCU where Tony drank because he was upset.

Criticizes everyone - Steve

I didn't remember that until I started working on the "Nice Guy" Contest and watched every scene with Cap in every movie he was, as well as every scene in every movie with the other OG6 Avengers. And it caught my attention - how often Steve criticizes other people: Fury, Nat, Tony, Bruce, Thor, even Peggy. I even got tired of this.

One of the examples:

Obeys orders - Tony

Steve spent his entire military/paramilitary career doing the opposite - refusing to follow orders and criticizing his commanders. In any hierarchical organization, be it SSR, SHIELD or the Avengers, he took control. Tony, despite being the owner of the Avengers, obeyed him and followed Rogers' orders.

Doesn't trade lives - Tony

Even though it was Steve who said, “We don't trade lives,” he traded them. And more than once. As our winners mentioned, he traded the lives of Wakandans in Infinity War. In Civil War he traded the lives of civilians, special ops operatives, agents (they were killed or injured), Clint (his freedom and life with his family), Scott (his freedom and even life - he didn't stop him when Scott offered to do something that could "split him in half"), Sam (dragged into danger), Wanda (same), Sharon (who risked several times to help him), Nat (who also would be safe if not him), Rhodey (who wouldn't have been injured if Rogers hadn't started the fight), Peter (who he could have killed with the boarding bridge he brought down on him), and Tony. He traded them all for one man and the right to continue to command without anyone above him.

In Endgame, his plan was to bring back 50% of the universe. Before Tony and Bruce explained to them how time travel actually works, the plan was to erase everything that happened after 2018. This means all the people who have been born since then and everything that has happened to the remaining 50% over the years.

Tony had to intervene anyway because they would have done terrible things if he hadn't told them not to change anything in those 5 years. He is the one who does not trade lives.

Even when he is told he can't save everyone - he tries. And sometimes he proves that he can.

Worked for politicians for personal gain - Steve

That's how Steve became captain, in case you forgot.

And that's what Tony never did - work for politicians for personal gain.

Good shooter - Tony

You can find it here:

Kissed 4 different women after starting a relationship with his partner - Steve

In 1940s Steve started a relationship with Peggy Carter. Since then he kissed:

Howard's secretary

Unknown woman (or man? who knows)

Natasha

And Sheron, Carter

Ever since Tony started his relationship with Pepper, he hadn't kissed anyone else. Or did anything else of that sort of things.

Asks others for help and advice when needed - Tony

Steve asked for help. He brought a bunch of people to risk everything and start a fight in Civil War, for example. He never asked for advice though. He always has his own opinion, it is always the right one and he doesn't need anyone else's.

On the other hand - Tony is not above asking others for help, as well as asking for advice and opinions.

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Fire and Rain [K. B.]

Kaz Brekker x inferni!fem!reader

word count: 4k

summary: Kaz discovers that a member of his team is in a Grisha (again)

warnings: here Kaz has no romantic feelings for Inej, it doesn't have a specific time in the canon.

A/N: an anonymous asked for this and I hope whoever you are likes it! I also decided to add a crime to contribute to the plot. It's short, but with love

taglist: @rustyyyyspoonz @be-lla-vie @milkshake0 @ladespedidas

You were sitting on the roof of The Slat, feeling the night breeze ruffling your skirt and looking at all the lights spread across The Barrel.

You liked to go up there to think or just hang out when everything else got annoying or boring, as was the case that night. Most of them were busy at the club and although you had been invited, you didn't feel like being surrounded by many people, so you had apologized saying that you would return home earlier. And when you arrived, almost like on autopilot, you were done there. God knows how many hours you'd already have in that position.

"Don't be scared" you heard a voice, almost in your ear. Contrary to what they had asked you, you gave a start and almost fell into the void, if it weren't for the arms that held you to keep you in your place "What did I just tell you?" You heard that they claimed you and when you looked around you recognized that the raspy voice was Kaz’s.

"Don't you get tired of doing that?" you hissed, quite annoyed that the same situation always presented itself. You heard him let out a mocking hum and then he sat down next to you, but with his feet facing the inside and not the outside of the building.

"Why do you always come here?" he muttered.

The relationship that existed between him and you was quite curious. Kaz had practically, like most of your friends, rescued you from the streets, offering you a place to stay in exchange for your help in most of his plans. You arrived shortly before Wylan and after Inej and Jesper, but for unknown reasons you had won the affection of the black-haired man faster than any of them, and over the years he was able to open up while he enjoyed your company. Even now, he was looking for you like he didn't for anyone else.

"Is it a crime?" you teased, with a small smile, as you watched his windblown dark hair fall on his forehead. You would be lying if you said that you didn’t enjoy being with him, probably more than with any other crow, because although he was your boss you had also come to find a friend in him.

"If you fall and die, I'll have to pay someone to clean the street" he snorted and you opened your mouth pretending to be outraged, even though you knew he didn't mean it.

You didn't answer anything to that and he didn't want to say anything else, so you guys stayed looking at the horizon for another while. Well, actually you were looking at the horizon while Kaz was looking at you.

He never thought he felt towards someone the way he felt towards you, because you had something that he couldn't explain that he had been captivated from the first time he saw you. It was well known that he was very reserved and that he had a curious collection of traumatic events that had prevented him so far from having any affective relationship beyond the brotherly feeling he experienced for Jesper or Inej, and even some paternity towards Wylan, however, he wouldn’t classify what he felt for you as something of that nature. A clear sign of this was that he was getting physically close to you of his own free will. With you it seemed to be something natural, even pleasant most of the times, and even he himself couldn't understand how he didn't hate physical contact with you. But things went beyond that; Kaz felt like he could be someone else when he was with you. He felt as if in your eyes he was not the ruthless killer that the entire Barrel feared, nor a scared boy, nor a liar, he was just the Kaz who liked to drink tea in the afternoon, who appreciated art in all its expressions, who could openly worry about banal things and the one who wasn’t ashamed to go looking for you for no reason, only with the motivation of not being alone. Maybe that's what it was all about, that Kaz not only didn't want to be alone, but he wanted to be with you.

Although absolutely no one could know this or they would have to be threatened with death.

"Have you thought of an answer about the deal she proposed to us yet?" You murmured and when you turned you noticed that Kaz was standing up a bit in his place to hide where his eyes had been.

"Huh, yeah. I will accept, the money will come in handy"

It turns out that a very wealthy woman had requested your services to recover a jewel from her family that her ex-husband had taken from her when they separated, one that was very valuable and old, but above all with enough sentimental value for the lady willing to pay much of her fortune. Kaz had even scoffed at how feelings could turn into kruge under the right circumstances.

“Have you told the others yet?”

"No. This job is for us. You and me" he said seriously, making you frown in confusion "But the money will be for everyone"

"So I work and the others get the credit?"

“Too many people will draw attention. You are better than the others at these things” he argued “Besides… I heard that this man has many more treasures in his collection than him. If you feel disadvantaged, you can take whatever you want."

"How thoughtful" you mocked "I've always wanted a tiara, like the ones for princesses"

“If he has it, it's yours,” he replied, apparently not understanding your sarcasm, as he shrugged, “It'll be tomorrow night. Get ready”

"Fine," you said in the same way. Your feet danced back and forth, until a hand on your knee made you stop abruptly.

"And please get down from there, you make me nervous"

You tried to think of an intelligent response, but being honest the momentary closeness with the man caught you off guard and left you speechless. He was looking at you with that always angry expression but also with some concern.

"We are crows" you exclaimed, when you were finally able to speak, while you listened to him and moved your legs inside the roof. Kaz straightened up as soon as he detected that you were going to do it, so when you stood up your face was a little lower than his "If I fall, I'll just fly" you laughed, totally nonchalant "Good night, boss" you said goodbye and then walked inside The Slat to try to sleep.

The following night you were ready at the agreed time, just as he had asked you, but with a bad feeling haunting you since you had left home. Kaz had told you that he would stay outside keeping watch, as he wouldn't be of much help to the robbery either way, assuring you that he would only be going in and out; simple.

Of course, once you were there it was hard not to be gawked at everything that guy had. You were very surprised that someone else hadn't already stolen it, but you also concluded that probably most of those pieces were temporary until he found the best buyer and after taking some jewelry that you liked, you concentrated on finding your goal, which was a necklace encrusted with sapphires running the length of the chain, with a centerpiece larger than the rest. You looked around the room, there were all kinds of precious stones, rubies, amethysts, emeralds, set in many different things, but what caught your attention the most, without a doubt, was the thin gold tiara studded with what you hoped were diamonds. Would you be too greedy to want to take that one?

You took it and put it in your bag, but a few seconds later you heard a noise coming from the entrance. In panic you began to search for the necklace you had entered in the first place and barely managed to put it away when a person appeared.

"Hey, you!" the man who appeared to be a bodyguard yelled at you.

A chase broke out and you ran after Kaz hoping he had some plan. You didn't see him in the same place as before and your blood ran cold, but this lasted no more than a brief moment before a gloved hand grabbed yours to pull you away.

You didn't even know how Kaz was running, but you were also impressed by the way he decided to run. You were getting winded with every step and you had to hold on tight to keep from tripping and falling as he pushed people out of the way with his stick. At some point in The Barrel you finally lost sight of the thug and just to avoid taking any chances he threw you into a dark alley, pinning your body against a wall. You didn't even dare to breathe and I could feel your whole body vibrating from the excitement of having run so much, the adrenaline of almost getting caught, and the nerves from having Kaz so close to you. He had been so worried that you two wouldn't be discovered that he didn't notice the horrible burning in his leg or the contact with you until he stopped, but not only was that, but he also experienced again the sensation that had him intrigued from a long time ago. He had never dared to hold your hand, it was something unthinkable under normal circumstances, but now that he had done it even with the gloves he could feel your body temperature.

You were warm, you weren't like the corpses he remembered every time he touched someone else's skin. And it wasn't just your hand that felt that way.

"You're hot," he spoke, making you choke on your own saliva as he stepped away from you.

"Sorry?" you exclaimed, completely stunned by the idea that he was flirting. Where the hell had that come from anyway? You didn't understand what he meant until Kaz reached over to grab your wrist and lift your hand in his direction.

"Your hands, they feel like they burn"

Oh, shit.

To be honest, you were very surprised that with the man's intelligence and deductive abilities, he hadn't discovered your secret before. You and your family found out that you were a grisha tragically when, by accident, you badly burned your younger brother, who luckily and with the help of your mother was able to recover. Your father wasn’t very happy about this, so your powers were always a reason for his repudiation and shame for you.

You grew up mistreated by your father and feared by your brother, with your mother hardly daring to help you change the feelings of either of them, so thinking about proving that you were Inferni was the last thing you wanted.

One day your father just got fed up and threw you out on the streets like a helpless animal, forcing you to beg for weeks until the bastard took pity on you. Those weeks you had hardly any problems with your abilities, using them only when it was a life-or-death situation, so when you joined the crows you developed into more criminal fields that even with that you still considered less dangerous for yourself and others.

Only your family knew about your condition, for you always feared that if anyone else found out about it they would try to kill you or send you to Ravka, and that had worked for you so far. You were never tempted to tell any member of the group, not even as a joke, and you thought that information would accompany you to the grave. But you never counted on Kaz’s cunning.

You couldn't answer his question because of a bullet noise that resounded near you, apparently you hadn't hidden very well from those men who were chasing you and a few seconds later you had to separate from him to start fighting. In the dark you couldn't tell who you were fighting with, although you could feel the blows crashing against most of your body and you were thankful that they hadn't hit you with any of the guns or knives yet. Through it all you could tell that Kaz was having a worse time than you, but he was definitely handling it better.

You knocked out a guy with a good knuckle-burning punch, and thinking it was the last one, you turned to look for your boss, but instead of looking at him you took a punch that knocked you to the ground.

"Bitch," roared a tall man with a knife in his hand, who was on top of you before you could move. For the first time that night you panicked and yelled for help, but no one answered. He was ready to drive the knife through your chest, but you could stop him, using practically all your strength to face him. After struggling for a while, you managed to throw the weapon away and then only he and you were left, however the man wasted no time so he took his hands directly to your neck. It didn't take long for you to lack air and although you tried to free yourself, all effort was useless; it was obvious that he surpassed you in every way. An idea struck you, and hoping that would work, you clasped your hands together to cause a flame good enough to burn him to ashes. Your fingers lit up and you were about to plunge them into his eyes when suddenly a sharp object hit the man's temple, pulling him away from your body and killing him instantly.

You breathed violently in search of the air you had been deprived of and still gripped by fear you looked up to face whoever was there. It was Kaz. His face was smeared with blood and he looked hurt on one side by the hand he had on it, but other than that he was fine.

“Idiots…” he hissed, sneering at the bodies strewn around the alley and spitting up a combination of saliva and blood. You were still struggling a bit to breathe when he offered you a hand to get you up, which you didn't hesitate to take, but as you did so his glove scorched a little on the inside. If Kaz had been suspicious before now he had a verdict on your situation “An Inferni?”

"I don't know what you're talking about" you said in a raspy voice due to the attack, trying to avoid the subject, while you rubbed the palms of your hands on your sides to clean them and also try to control your body temperature. Many times, since you never received training, strong emotions could be triggers for your power.

He didn't answer, he just looked at you with raised eyebrows and nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Let's go then" he informed you and you followed him towards the exit, knowing that he would not forget the matter so easily.

The delivery of the necklace was a complete success and the woman burst into tears as soon as she got it back, so you had to go comfort her before she thought of throwing herself into Kaz’s arms. Everyone was very happy with the payment, which you gladly delivered, and the extra things you had stolen for yourself were kept in your drawer for a couple of days so as not to create discord. When you finally reviewed them, you realized how beautiful your new treasures were and you were surprised to remember that you had taken a special little thing for a certain person.

"Come in, Y/N" Kaz's voice said from inside his room, for he could recognize each of you by the sound of your footsteps and the way you knocked on the door. The night was already falling and you guys had taken a break from being in the club.

"Look at this" you exclaimed with a smile from ear to ear. Kaz looked up from the documents he was writing to find you wearing a light orange dress the likes of which he had never seen before, and a tiara that sparkled against the candlelight in the room "Don't I look like royalty?" you joked, making an exaggerated pose.

"I'm glad to see you got something good out of it"

"And I have something for you" you carefully took a jewel from your pocket and maintaining the dramatic air you got on one knee in front of Kaz, which made him back in his chair. He was about to ask what you were doing when you offered him a beautiful silver ring with a square emerald in the middle. He frowned at you and you wished you could figure out what was going through his head.

“What is this?” 

“What does it look like? a ring, of course”

"Do I have to use it?"

"It would be nice" you smiled. The idea that if someone walked in, they would think you were proposing to him amused you greatly "But if you want you can sell it, whatever makes you feel better"

He turned a little in the chair so he could face you and you held your breath when you saw that he was taking off his gloves, because you had never seen Kaz's hands. When he finished you watched him carefully; they were thin and without a single mark that stained their white skin. They could easily be the hands of a Greek marble sculpture.

"Give it to me," he asked you. You deposited the piece in his outstretched palm and before you had time to react he locked your fingers in his hand, almost making you cry out in astonishment. "Are your hands always warm or only when you're nervous?" he asked, his eyes narrowing. He had set you up and you had so much to process that the question had caught you off guard.

"Why do you keep thinking about it?"

“Why hide what you are? All the Grisha seem eager to be recognized”

"Well, not me," you said immediately, getting up from your place to avoid the conversation. You suddenly felt bad for interrupting and you felt ridiculous wearing the crown on your head.

"I've always been terrified of water, you know?" he exclaimed, capturing your attention, but not enough for you to look at him "But fire... I find it fascinating”

The color rose to your cheeks as if the flames within you had literally decided to focus there and you stood very still, fearing that making any movement would expose you.

“I didn’t grow up in that little palace. I'm not a Grisha, I'm just… just me. And I don't want others to see me differently or point at me in the streets. I don't want them to fear me"

"Wouldn't that be an advantage?"

“Even if they are the people I love? My family? Do you think I like living in fear of hurting one of you because I don't know how to control myself?" you said seriously. You were remembering your past and your brother, but he couldn't know it, just as you couldn't know that Kaz was also thinking about his own brother.

"If I hadn't been there to kill that man, would you have used your skills?" he exclaimed. The answer was obvious, so you decided not to answer “You limit your potential just because you are afraid. You would be much better if you trained properly”

"Better for the team?"

“Better for yourself. Inej has her knives, Jesper the guns, how are you going to defend yourself when one of us is not with you?” he was looking at you seriously, but also with a trace of concern. Kaz's intentions in being harsh with you were always for you to improve, they were always looking for your entire well-being and for you to be able to face the world alone “Nina can help you if I ask her. But in the end, it's your decision."

You remained silent and unconsciously began to play with your hands, a little nervous. You had never thought of taking that matter seriously, but now that he was suggesting it you were wondering how good an idea it would be and for a second you considered it a positive thing. A part of you wanted to impress not only Kaz, but your friends as well, and you knew that handling it might help you heal the wounds you were carrying from the past.

“I don't know…” you started to say, hoping that as you did so more words would spring up to complete the sentence, however, they never came because you simply didn't know what to do; no more no less.

He was watching you from his chair with what you thought was a look of disappointment, but actually other ideas were going through the black-haired man's head. As I said before, he had never seen you wearing a dress and although he didn't have a great sense of fashion he knew for a fact that warm colors were your colors. Everything about you was like that to him, long before he even knew that you were literally warm by birth as Inferni and maybe his feelings for you were clouding his perception, but to him you glowed wherever you appeared.

“Would you have preferred growing up in Ravka? Grow up away from all… this?” he said, his voice sounding raspier when he spoke softly.

“Like a Grisha? No. Like a princess? Maybe” you joked to lighten the mood. Kaz rolled his eyes and shook his head at that, but you couldn't deny there was a hint of amusement in his expression.

"Why did you take this for me?" he said, finally paying attention to your gift, apparently with genuine interest.

“I think the color green goes with you. And you like expensive things”

“Gloves are going to cover it up”

"Alright. That way only we will know it's there” you said.

He smiled.

"And you? Do you intend to stay like this for the rest of the week or will you take that off?”

"Right now I'm going to Jesper's room to show off a bit and then I'll probably take it off” 

“It was a good choice” he flattered you and for some reason you thought that he wasn't just referring to jewelry.

You were silent for a few seconds and in this same way you saw the man put the ring on the middle finger of his left hand, and then put both gloves back on. What you said was true, no one else would know that under the leather there was a piece that kept the memory of that night and at the same time the secret that he kept for you.

“I think I should go. I don't want to interrupt, huh, whatever you're doing."

“Good luck with Jesper”

"He is going to die of envy" you laughed and noticed that his eyes were gently observing you "Rest"

Kaz saw you walk out the door and then he thought he might get back to his business, but he couldn't concentrate after your visit. He took off his gloves and looked at your gift for a long time: what did that mean? It was a very pretty piece that fits perfectly, but... What did it symbolize?

Resigned that he wouldn't go any further, even if he wanted to, he left his room and walked up to the roof to get some fresh air, imagining for a moment that even he might find you there. It wasn't like that, so he just stared at the buildings in silence.

Kaz began to think about your friendly smile when you visited him that day, your recurring pranks, worse than others, and your fear of hurting others. For hurting the ones you loved, you said exactly. Did that include him too?

He didn't know how long he was there, silent, his mind only wandering on matters related to you. But, in the end, he was clear that if someone could one day make his frozen heart burn with affection, it would surely be you.

[joels-shitty-puns]

The Key To Your Heart - Track 6

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Mentions of food, weight loss, weight gain, dieting, weighing, potential eating disorder, food guilt. Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: 4K

Series List: Here!

Miss last chapter? Here!

This one's a little longer than the last few, but it's one I was really excited to get to for a while. I hope you guys like it! We're starting to get into the nitty gritty! Once again please let me know what you think of it! Thank you all for your support :)

__________

After your emotional conversation with Pedro, you were worried he'd stop talking to you. At least, it seems that's how it usually works. Whenever you try to have a conversation about emotions with someone, it gets shut down. But surprisingly.. it didn't push Pedro away at all. The two of you talk nearly every day on the phone, and when you don't, it's made up for with plenty of text messages. You don't even have to be the first to communicate, either. It just feels natural. It doesn't need to be over-thought.

You keep telling yourself not to get your hopes up, but at the same time, you feel like maybe it's turning into something. Something more than friends. You couldn't help but wonder if Pedro felt the same way, or if maybe he's just a really nice guy.

Despite these feelings, you're still hesitant to tell him you love him. Although he put many of your fears to rest, you continued to be nervous. You were inexperienced. You were significantly younger than him. You led two very different lives. And even though he reassured you about your appearances, it doesn't mean you'd be his type once he actually saw you. Shoot, you don't even know if he's interested in pursuing a relationship.

Plus, now there's the risk of messing up a new friendship. Why ruin it?

How does anyone ever get into a relationship? Others make it look so easy, jumping from relationship to relationship like their heart isn't at stake.

Maybe someday you'd tell him. Maybe someday you'd share these other fears as well. But not yet. You weren't ready.

_____

About a week had gone by since you first talked on the phone, and it was around 1 PM when he called you.

"Hey Pedro!"

"Hey there, songbird," he replied cheerily.

"Songbird?" You giggled.

"If you hate it-"

"No, I love it. It's sweet," you blushed.

"Okay good. But the reason I'm calling is because I saw something on Instagram…"

"Oh yeah? What of?"

"About you. When were you going to tell me?"

Oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh what? What is he referring to?

You nervously laughed "I… what? Tell you what now?"

"Your album is coming out in a WEEK!??!" He practically yelled with excitement.

Seriously… this guy. Giving me a damn heart attack.

"OH" you replied sheepishly. "You scared me, thinking you heard… I dunno"

"Oh! I'm sorry. No. I haven't heard any information that you haven't told me yourself, nor would I believe it anyway. Other than.. this album!!!" Pedro announced like a gameshow host.

You laughed before replying "yes, yes, the album comes out next week! They just announced it I guess."

Pedro clapped and shouted. "CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I'm so happy and proud of you!!!!!!!!"

You weren't looking in a mirror, and he couldn't see you either, but you could bet money that your cheeks were a bright shade of pink. "Thank you, Pedro!" You giggled, your face beginning to hurt from the large smile he caused.

"How are you celebrating? Is the studio doing anything for you?"

"Well they mentioned an album release party, but being that nobody really knows me I don't know who I would even invite. Plus I'm not sure that a large thing like that is how I'd like to show myself to the world. A little too ceremonious for my liking." You grimaced.

"Well, I happen to think you deserve something ceremonious, even if you don't think you do. And I think we should celebrate."

"We - you - you do? You mean…?" You stuttered in disbelief.

"You and me," he said matter-of-factly.

"You.. and… What did you have in mind?" 

Frankly you didn't know what to think.

"Well. I was thinking… Maybe we could listen to the album together? We could talk on the phone and listen, and it would be like our own little album release party. You wouldn't have to show yourself or meet people. It would just be like our normal conversations. Except I'd get to hear your new music and talk about it with you. If you want," he said, sounding slightly nervous.

Your heart swelled at the gesture and you agreed happily. The two of you made a plan to "meet" at 7PM and listen together the night of your album release. And he promised he wouldn't listen without you.

_____

It wasn't until after you were off the phone with him that you began to overthink the songs on your album. Not unlike your first single, these were also rather vulnerable at times. Sure, he knew a lot, and he'd listen to the album anyway. Probably. But still. To hear it… together? You were starting to feel like you were in over your head.

Nevertheless, the week continued on like normal. Work, talking to Pedro, hanging with Skipper. You agreed to a few more interviews in article or voice format after the release, and signed a few last minute things.

As the album date approached closer, Pedro texted you one day.

"Okay I'm going to ask you something and I want you to trust me okay. I'm not going to do anything that I know you would hate."

"Okay…" what does this man have up his sleeve?

"Can I have your address?"

Why does he want my address???? The panic settled in. But, you did like him; and he hadn't crossed any boundaries yet. In fact, he's been one of the most understanding of your qualms.

So. You sent him your address.

"Thank you ❤️" Pedro replied.

A heart !?! A red one!? 

"You're welcome. Also… I was planning to tell you anyway, but if you're looking for my address I may as well tell you…" you told him your real name. Not your stage name. Not a nickname. But your name. First, Last. All of it.

"Thank you for trusting me. I promise I'll keep it safe," reassured Pedro.

"Thank you, P."

"Of course. You have a beautiful name, by the way."

Your heart did a somersault.

_____

The album release date was finally here and you aren't sure you slept a wink. You were a bundle of nerves and excitement. You loved him and always enjoyed chatting together. This was exciting. But also these songs are so personal. This is a big moment. This was a big plan. And why did he want your address anyway?

~~~~~

Meanwhile at Pedro's place, he was just as nervous. He had started out excited, but then he got into his head. His plans for the evening started feeling too romantic. He didn't want you to get the wrong idea. He liked you, but he didn't want to push it. Maybe he was showing too many feelings towards you. You love someone else, and him not respecting that is rude. All you want is a friend and he's just going to seem like another one of those creepy guys trying to get into your pants.

But it was too late now, the plans were in motion, and maybe you'd enjoy it. Who knows. Either way, he loved your friendship, and friends could do this kind of thing for each other… right??

~~~~~

Throughout the day, you paced your house before finally leaving with Skipper in tow. "We gotta get some air, buddy. I'm losing it over here," you said while clipping his leash.

Stepping out of the house, you two went for a long walk, circled back toward home, and plopped down on your lawn. The house still felt too small in preparation for this evening, whatever it was. Why does it feel different anyway? It's just another phone call..? Unless….

Truth be told, while Pedro had his secret plans, you also had some of your own. Whether you followed through with them or not was up to your nerves.

After some sunbathing with your pup, you both head inside. The sun was starting to set, and you realized it was getting closer to the meetup time you chose with Pedro.

_____

6 PM.

You stared at the TV, not really absorbing anything on the screen, but needing a distraction. This afternoon you opted for a show that Pedro was not in. For once, you needed to not see his handsome face. You needed something else. Half paying attention while picking at a hangnail, you jump out of your skin at the sight of your phone lighting up. Pedro texted.

"Picking out my outfit for tonight! Always important to look nice for celebration."

Shit… he's not coming over is he?! That's why he wanted my address?!

"Wait…" you pondered how to phrase your question without sounding like a panicked asshole, when all you wanted to say was "what the fuck do you MEAN!?!"

I'm not dressed. I'm in sweats and covered in dog hair. I don't have makeup on. Oh no.

"Wait… is that why you wanted my address?"

"Oh. Nooo, no no. No, sweet girl, don't worry. I'm not coming over unexpectedly and interrupting your hiding place. I just think it's still important to dress nice."

"Oh..Okay.."

It was around 6:15 when he texted a picture of himself wearing a white button up with a dark blue suit and matching tie. He wore dark-frame glasses and his hair was slightly tamed, but still showed his messy curls. He looked gorgeous.

But as you scanned his body you noticed that instead of dress shoes, he wore a pair of polka dot socks. He had a goofy grin and his one eyebrow was cocked. You grinned.

"All dressed up and nowhere to go," he said.

"You're a goof, P. But I appreciate the effort."

A pause.

"Also, you look really handsome" you nervously hit send before you had a chance to chicken out.

Bold. Probably shouldn't have said that. But hey, friends compliment each other.

"Why thank you. A big accomplishment like this requires all the stops."

He timed this message right to the minute. As you read his text, your doorbell rang.

You opened the door to find two boxes. One large, one small. A delivery boy was getting into his car. 

"Delivery from your biggest fan. 

-❤️, P"

He… he sent me some kind of care package?? And put a heart? And said he's my biggest fan?

You squealed and carried the boxes into the house. "What's this!?" You texted Pedro.

"Open them and see!"

You immediately open them. Inside the larger box was a variety of items. The first thing you noticed was a small vase holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. To the right of that was a bag, which you opened and found your favorite meal, from your favorite restaurant. 

Wow, this is elaborate. 

Below the food was another small bag holding your favorite dessert, and finally to the left, your favorite drink.

I can't believe he remembered all of my favorite things.. This is so thoughtful.

When you moved the flower vase, you noticed one more small item. Is that a… corsage?? You texted Pedro the question.

"Yep!" He sent, with a photo of a matching flower on his lapel.

Remembering you still had the small box, you opened the box flaps, wondering what could possibly be left for him to give you. On top of it was another note.

"For a handsome boy.

- ❤️, your mom's friend, Pedro"

Under the note was a jar of peanut butter, a squeaky anchor toy, and…? What's this?

You unwrap a small paper wrapping to find a dog-sized black bowtie. Shut up.

"SKIPPER!!! Look what Pedro gave you, buddy!"

He padded over to you and let you hook the dressy accessory around his neck. With the clip adjusted, he sat back, looking proud of his new fashion. You quickly snapped a picture and texted it to Pedro.

"I can't believe you did all this, Pedro. Not only did you send all this, but you remembered my favorite things? You remembered all the details from when I first met Skipper. My favorite food, dessert, drink, and flower? That's so sweet, this is all too much Pedro..  Nobody has ever done anything like this for me. I.. I don't even know what to say."

You're amazing and I love you. Is what I want to say.

"You're welcome." He texted back. "Like I said, you deserve a celebration. Plus…"

Pedro sent a photo of his table, set up with the same food and drink, with the caption "now it's like we're having a dinner party."

It was nearing the time to meet, but you still had to do one more thing. You had pondered it earlier in the day, but fully decided it when Pedro sent the photo of himself dressed up. It's now or never.

_____

6:45 PM.

Pedro sat waiting for a reply after he sent his dinner photo. It had only been a couple minutes, but his hands were sweaty and his leg was shaking under the table. Finally, his phone went off. You sent… a video?

He opened it and pressed play. There, he saw you rotating your wrist with the corsage on it. The first time he's ever seen your wrist, hand, or arm before. The first time he's even seen your skin tone.

Geez you act like you're in the Victorian ages, pull yourself together, he rolled his eyes at himself for being so overjoyed.

Next, the video panned to Skipper in his bowtie, looking handsome as ever. The camera zoomed in on him and he looked up into the view with his big brown eyes. 

And then…

The camera panned to the side, and showed a mirror. A full length mirror, where you stood. He scanned your body from your perfectly done up hair and makeup, down your body to your dress. You wore your favorite dress, (in your favorite color, he noted) which showed off your body in the best ways. He looked down to the floor and noticed that you too were wearing fun socks instead of shoes. You wore a pair of striped socks and wrote in your caption "all dressed up and nowhere to go."

His heart picked up and he could feel himself breathing unevenly. He finally saw you. And you were gorgeous. He couldn't help the smile that enveloped his face.

Fuck. She's beautiful… I'm screwed. 

She loves someone else. She loves someone else. She loves someone else. Forget your feelings.

Despite his struggle, he knew he wanted, and needed, to tell you how beautiful he thought you looked. This was a big step to show yourself, and he also knew how self-conscious you felt about your body.

"Wow, you're so beautiful."

You blushed, replying with a quick thank you with a heart, then sending a second message asking if he was ready to listen. The video wasn't the only trick you had planned up your sleeve tonight.

______

The clock turned to 7 PM and Pedro hit the dial for your number. You answered the phone and said a quick "hang on" to set up the shared listening party link for your album. Once sent, you took a deep breath and steadied your nerves. Then, you took the plunge.

"Okay I got the link! I'm so exci - what - wait, is this an accident?" Pedro's hand fumbled as he received your incoming video chat request, his heart picking up to a galloping pace.

"Nope! You can answer it. If you want.."

He quickly swiped the accept button and there you were. Clad in your favorite dress, sitting at a table with the meal he sent in front of you. He could see himself in the corner square, dressed in his suit, with nearly the identical table setup and food.

He couldn't help but notice on his own video screen that his cheeks were turning rosy and his mouth curled into a large smile. But he was too happy to be shy about his blush.

"So this is you," he said.

"This is me," you replied shyly, but still with a huge smile and blush plastered on your face, matching Pedro's.

"You look.." he sighed shakily "..wow.."

"You look pretty wow yourself there," you said with a shy giggle.

Both of you let out gentle laughs, feeling a warm glow as your stomachs felt matching butterflies of nerves, excitement, and… maybe something else.

"So should we listen, I guess?" You asked nervously.

He didn't answer. He was looking at the screen, eyes scanning the video. 

Is he blushing? You wondered. But why would he be? He doesn't like me back… right?

He still hadn't answered you when you finally said "Pedro?? Did you hear me?"

He snapped out of it, somehow turning more crimson. "Oh! Sorry… yeah! Let's listen."

Your nerves were off the charts. Some of these songs were so vulnerable. The ones at the end of the album were the most telling of all.

But as the two of you ate your dinners while listening to your new album, you began to relax. The night was filled with him giving praise and you giving background information on the meanings and production of the songs. 

"Are all the different instruments and harmonies played by you?"

"They are! The studio offered studio musicians but I had originally played them all when I wrote it and wanted to keep it a one woman show."

"You're incredible," Pedro said, shaking his head.

You blushed, for the billionth time today.

When it came to "Imaginary Love" Pedro grinned. "Hey I know this one! The one that started it all." 

"Yep!" You agreed and he began lip syncing to the lyrics dramatically. Little did he know, those lyrics were actually about him. You giggled as he acted out a soulful rendition of the chorus.

"You know, this whole journey has been a real rollercoaster and there have been times I've wished I hadn't posted that song..."

Pedro looked at you with that puppy dog look of his and you continued "but then I remember… that if I never posted it, I would've never started talking to you, and it makes it all worth it."

Pedro placed his hand on his heart and pouted his lip. "I agree. I'm glad to have met you. If I didn't love this song already, that alone would be enough reason for me to consider it one of my favorites.

You grinned and looked down at the table, suddenly feeling shy. The two of you continued to listen, having long finished your dinner. Conversation flowed easily, and you couldn't help but feel like you were on a date. Not that you had much experience with that, but from what you'd seen in movies and shows, this felt very date-like. And you didn't want it to end.

But as the album went on, you approached the last two songs. The ones you were scared of most. The most vulnerable of the album. 

The second to last began to play.

'It's hard to imagine craving something that I've never had.

Dumb to be so desperate for something I've gone without.

But when I'm alone and thinking to myself, I need it so bad.

I crave it like a drug, but one I know nothing about.

Your kiss on my lips, or any kiss at all.

It hasn't happened yet, no matter how hard I fall.

The years keep passing, but still no love.

The years go by, but still no kisses.

I keep wondering and praying up above,

I guess I'm unkissable, despite my wishes.'

Pedro furrowed his brow, looking at you, searching for something. He read the title of the song, "Unkissable," and looked up again, opening and closing his mouth to find the right words.

"Do-" he stopped himself and pondered his wording again. "Is- are all these songs true?"

You stared at the table, picking your nail against the wood. "Yes."

"You really believe that?"

"... I mean… I don't know… maybe… I guess…" you avoided his gaze, but could feel it.

"And you've never-"

"Kissed anyone before? No. I haven't."

"But you've wanted to?"

"Yes," you whispered, starting to feel tears prick at your eyes.

Pedro shifted his lips to the side in thought before finally saying "well… you're still young. It'll happen."

"I'm 26, Pedro. Most people have kissed by the time they've graduated high school. I just… missed the boat I guess. It's okay. I'm just being silly. I don't want it that bad. We can maybe listen to something else now."

"Hey, hey. Don't shut down on me," he asked pleadingly. "26 is still very young, and don't worry about whenever everyone else has done things. Everyone does things at their own pace. I'm sorry you haven't experienced it yet, especially when you want it so badly, but I know that when it does happen, it'll probably be better than any kiss you would've had with some 15 year old boy you would've had in high school."

You laughed, breaking your tears for a minute. "Thanks Pedro."

"Of course. And hey, don't think of yourself as unkissable. Any guy should be so lucky to be with you. Maybe the guy you wrote about in your song will be your first."

"Maybe… I hope so. Thank you."

While your heart bloomed at the kind words and prospect of maybe kissing Pedro in the future, Pedro's heart began to ache. Not only was he sad for you when you wanted love so desperately, but he also couldn't help but feel sad hearing you want to kiss another man. He wants to be that guy for you. He wasn't joking when he said any man would be lucky. But especially knowing now your true age, 22 years younger than him, he knew for sure your crush couldn't be him. You were way too young to be interested in a 48 year old man. He was silly for even entertaining the idea.

But at least he had a new friend. And as he thought longer, he thought about his best friend Sarah, and her relationship. They have a huge age gap, 32 years, but they're happy. And he's happy for her. It doesn't feel weird with them. Could he have that with you? Or is he in over his head?

The last song on the album began to play. This one was less vulnerable, but if he decided to look at the lyrics and notice patterns, he'd see it in the chorus. 

'People have a lot to say

Everyone loves or hates me

Don't know what I did today

Right now you're all I can see

Only want to be with you.

Please, love me too.'

You're sure the obsessive listeners will figure out the acrostic, and if Pedro looks up the lyrics, he might too. But either way, it's out there. All you can do is hope for the best and eventually you're sure it'll come out anyway.

 This wasn't one you were sure about putting on the album, but when the studio read through your personal songbook, they went insane over it. They figured it out quickly, and they promised they'd keep it to themselves. Luckily they have so far, but if money came calling, you think they'd sell your heart faster than you could say no.

The song, and album, came to a close and Pedro looked up at the screen once again, staring into your eyes. "Once again your music has blown me away."

Whether he put together the end or not, he wasn't letting on.

"Thank you Pedro. I really appreciate it. And thank you for tonight. It was truly special and I mean it when I say it's the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. You didn't have to go through all that trouble," you said thoughtfully.

"It was no trouble. You deserve congratulations for your album," Pedro replied with a smile.

Right.. it's just a congratulations. Nothing else. You sighed.

"Thank you. I'm really glad we did this. Talk again soon?" You asked.

"Absolutely. It was wonderful to meet you finally," Pedro said, finishing the sentence with your real name and smiling.

"It was great to meet you too, Pedro."

__________

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for reading.

Looking for more? Next chapter!

Taglist: (Want in? Let me know!)

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[alpaca-clouds]

Why Does Everyone Struggle With Solarpunk Stories?

Fun Fact: My own introduction to Solarpunk happened in Germany on a German convention. I met a friend, who I had not seen in quite a few years in the creator alley, and they and their partner had just brought out an indie comic, which they introduced as a Solarpunk comic.

I do however wonder whether it really could be considered Solarpunk now, as it was mostly fantasy (which in itself is not a criterium), but the main overlap with Solarpunk generally was this idea of using the Art Noveau aesthetic for everything. From what I remember, it was not really very concerned with any of the Solarpunk themes - nor with anything considered Solarpunk technology - though I do remember some flying machines that were powered by sun energy.

But it makes me think about one thing: There are still barely any explicit Solarpunk novels out there. Like, there are a few, yes, but barely any. Most of what is considered Solarpunk works is stuff that folks among the Solarpunk community have looked at and gone: "Oh, yeah, this kinda feels Solarpunk, doesn't it?"

Most of the Solarpunk books out there are in fact anthologies. (And yes, I plan to continue reviewing those, I right now just struggle with reading because of health-related issues.) And even among those anthologies I will look at half the stories and think to myself: "Well, but are they really Solarpunk?"

In some cases that is because the stories in question are really build around too much of a dystopia. In other cases it is, because even the technology/ecology part is not really there.

And sure, I am talking a lot about how it is fairly easy to tell a Solarpunk story if you just let go of the idea that a Solarpunk story has to be one certain thing - rather than any kind of story that is set in a Solarpunk setting and deals with Solarpunk themes. But on the other hand it is not like I am writing a whole lot in the genre either, is it?

Admittedly the reason for me might be a bit of another one than for other writers. For me it is simply that I find it currently hard to motivate myself to write anything in terms of original fiction, because... Well, writing fanfics is just a whole lot more fun, and also will get me a lot more feedback and such.

And of course, on the side of the publishing industry I just don't know if anyone but Android Press and World Weaver Press even do much in publishing of Solarpunk stories? I am honestly not entirely certain.

But there definitely is some sort of struggle here right now. And that is without me going into the fact that half of what is published in Germany with the lable of "Solarpunk" is actually Cyberpunk but with some mild ecological themes in there.

And yeah, all in all it really makes me wonder, where the issue lies.

Is it a thing of a missing community for Solarpunk creatives, especially writers? Because I know that most online Solarpunk communities focus a ton on guerilla gardening, second hand clothes, and right to repair - but just don't have a ton of striving creative groups among them. The one Discord Server for Solarpunk writers I was on got deleted by the mod for being inactive.

So, yeah. I don't know.

Would someone be interested in another sort of community for Solarpunk creatives? And if so, what kind of community?