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bonefall · 7 months

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So, I'm writing an essay on the whole STATE of misogyny in WC for one of my university classes, and I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of things! No pressure of course, please feel free to say no!

A) Could I reference your good takes with appropriate harvard referencing and links back to your blog?

B) Are there any specific moments from the books that you think should be covered the most?

C) The end result will be a visual essay, so it's like those fun infographics people on Tumblr make on like ADHD and stuff, so when it's done, would you like to be tagged to read it?

(Sorry for anon, I'm nervous lmao, but if you'd be more comfortable I'll resend this off anon)

AAY good topic! You've got a lot to work with. Absolutely feel free to reference anything I've written, and tag me when you're done.

While you're here and about to write something so legitimate, I'm also going to recommend you check out Sunnyfall's video on gender in Warrior Cats. She breaks down the arcs into numbers, directly comparing the amount of lines mollies have to toms, and examining the archetypes women are usually allowed to be.

I think it's a must-have citation in a paper about WC misogyny.

...and, I think it's insightful to look at the WCRP Forum thread about the video. Note how the respondents immediately come into the thread to complain about how the video is too long so they didn't watch it, dismissing Sunnyfall as not being entertaining enough to hold their attention, even whining that she starts with statistics to prove her point, which I'm convinced she did exactly because they would have cried that she "had no evidence" if she didn't.

I am not a scholar, so I don't know how to document or prove that the books have an impact on the audience outside of anecdotes. But I think if you do write a section about fandom, it would be worth mentioning the in-universe and metatextual apologia for Ashfur and its reflection in the real world discourse, the authorial killing of Ferncloud because of fan complains, and the utter defensiveness against the discussion of misogyny you see outside of Tumblr.

You may also want to check out Cheek by Jowl, a collection of 8 essays about sexism in xenofiction by Ursula K. Le Guin. There's a very unique manifestation of authorial bias in animal fiction, having a lot to do with how the author views "the natural world," and it's worth understanding even though Warrior Cats are so heavily anthropomorphized.

So... Warrior Cats Misogyny

I think discussing individual instances can be helpful, but I'd implore you to keep in mind what's REALLY bad about WC's misogyny is framing and the bigger picture.

Bumble's death is shocking and insulting, but it's not just that she died. It's that the POV Gray Wing sees her as a fat, useless bitch who took his mate so she deserves to be dragged back to a domestic abuser, and he's right because the writers love him so much. It's that Bumble's torture and killing only factors into how it's going to hurt a man's reputation.

It's how Clear Sky hitting, emotionally manipulating, or killing the following women,

Bright Stream (pressured into leaving her home and family)

Storm (controlled her movements and yelled at her in public)

Misty (killed for land, children stolen)

Bumble (beaten unconscious, blamed nonsensically on a fox)

Alder (child abuse, hit when she refused to attack her brother)

Falling Feather (scratched on the face, subjected to public abuse and humiliation)

Tall Shadow (thrown into murderous crowd, attacked on-sight in heaven)

Rainswept Flower ("blacked out" in anger and murdered in cold blood)

Moth Flight (scratched on the face for saying denying medical treatment is mean, taken hostage in retaliation against mother for the death of his own child, which he caused)

Willow Tail (eyes gouged out for "stirring up trouble")

Is seen as totally understandable, forgivable, or not even questioned at all, when killing Gray Wing in an act of rage would have been "one step too far" with the ridiculous Star Line.

"Kill me and live with the memory, and then let the stars know it would only matter if a single one of your murder victims was a man."

It's the way that fathers who physically abuse their kids out of their ego (Clear Sky, Sandgorse, Crowfeather) aren't treated anywhere near the same level of narrative disgust and revulsion the series has for "bad moms", even if they're displaying symptoms of a post-partum mood disorder (depression, anxiety, and rage), an umbrella of mental illnesses 20% of all new mothers experience but are heavily stigmatized with (Sparkpelt, Palebird, Lizardstripe).

It's Crookedstar's Promise giving him two evil maternal figures in a single book, while bending over backwards to make every man in a position of power still look likeable in spite of the fact they're enabling Rainflower's abuse. Leader Hailstar is soso sorry that he has to change Stormkit's name for some reason, in spite of leaders being unaccountable dictators the other 99% of the time, and Deputy Shellheart functionally does nothing to stop his own son from being abused or even do much parenting before or after the fact.

It's the way men's parental struggles are seen sympathetically, and they don't have to "pay for it" like their female counterparts (Crookedstar's PPD vs Sparkpelt's PPD, how Daisy and Cinders are held responsible for Smoky and Whisper being deadbeats, Yellowfang's endless guilt for killing her son vs Onestar's purpose in life to kill his own), even to the point where a father doesn't have to have raised their kids at all to have a magical innate emotional connection to them (Tree's father Root, Tom the Wifebeater, Tigerstar and Hawkfrost).

It's less speaking lines and agency for female characters, being reduced to accessories in the lives of their mates and babies, women getting less diversity in their personalities, with even major ex-POV characters eventually becoming "sweet mom" tropes.

You could zoom in on any one of these examples and have an amoeba try to argue with you that "Oh THIS makes sense because X" or "Ah well my headcanon perfectly explains this thing" or "MY mother/girlfriend was abusive/toxic/neglectful and I've decided that you are personally attacking ME by having issues with how a character was written or utilized," but the beleaguered point,

That I keep trying to hammer in, over and over, across books worth of posts,

Is that these are trends. More than just a couple one-off examples. It's the fabric that has been woven over years, showing a lack of interest in, or even active prejudice of, women on behalf of the writers.

LONG STANDING trends, which have only gotten worse as the series progressed. From Yellowfang being harshly punished with a born evil son who ruins her life in TPB and the mistreatment of Squirrelpaw that begins in TNP, all the way up to the 7 Fridgenings of DOTC and Sparkpelt's PPD being a major character motivator for her son Nightheart.

So, I would stress that in your paper, and structure it less as "the Sparkpelt slide" and "the Yellowfang slide," and more as "The paternal vs maternal abuse" slide, and "the violence against women" slide. They're really big issues, there's tons of examples for each individual thing.

Anyway to leave off on a funny, look at this scene in Darkest Hour that I find unreasonably hilarious,

"Everyone who matters to me; my truest friend, my sensible and loyal warrior, the wisest deputy I've ever known, and 2 women." -Firestar, glorious idiot

He can't even think of a single trait for either of them what the hell does "formidable pair" mean lmaooo, when I finished a reread about a year ago this line killed me on impact.

#bone babble #cw misogyny #warrior cats analysis #SO good luck!! Absolutely ping me when you're done I wanna see lmao #Full disclosure I'm bad at responding to DMs because I open them and then forget #But I can try to answer your questions #Feel free to send questions in tho. You don't have to come off anon if you don't want i don't mind #I cannot stress enough. I'm just a guy who likes to yell about cats.

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chaoticbardlady99 · 6 months

Text

Yesterday I Felt like Dancing (Astarion x GN! Reader)

Synopsis: You have burnt both ends of the candle and haven’t been taking care of your mental health. Unable to get yourself out of bed, Astarion begins to worry about you…

Author note- I have been hardcore struggling with my mental health lately and writing my silly little fics has been the only thing pulling me along. I thought it might be therapeutic to write about my current feelings (I have ADHD, MDD, and GAD so it’s a party up in here). I hope you enjoy!

CW- Suicidal Ideation, symptoms of depression, brief outburst, mentions of mental health diagnosis and poor medical advice.

Title inspired by song “Into the Walls” by Griff.

*not my pic, could not tell you where I found it so I apologize in advance. If you think it might be your picture, please message me so I can give proper credit.

Your last day before backtracking from the Mountain Pass to the Goblin camp is a difficult one.

Not for the group as a whole- just you specifically.

Days before a Mindflayer kidnapped you, a healer back home had told you your brain was sick. You had been devastated- resigned to your miserable fate.

You had been struggling for years at that point with inconsistent motivation, exhaustion, nightmares, and irrational thoughts for months. You have been functional for the most part, but then an overpowering wave will hit you like Warhammer in the ribs and you are rendered useless until it passes.

The healer suggested sunlight, exercise, eating healthy, and spending time with friends to help your affliction when you hit rock bottom. You were wildly unimpressed with her. At the time, you preferred to self isolate so you stayed by yourself in the woods trying to find peace there. You would have to let her know that her “going out and enjoying the sun” message is not always wise- you may get a tadpole shoved in your head. You can’t be that mad though- the tadpole helped bring your pep back.

Anyway, you have been doing all of that for weeks now, you even felt great, but today? You could not have hit rock bottom harder even if you tried.

You woke up that morning unable to get yourself out of bed. It was a rest day so it wasn’t a big deal, but you also know that your companions are going to have things they need to talk to you about and favors they need you to take care of.

Gods you had tried to get up. You are grateful that your past self had the gumption to wash off and change into clean clothes last night, but your armor is still disgustingly sitting outside your tent and your hair is long and wild. You had wanted to braid it, but it all felt like too much work.

Everything feels like too much work right now- even staying awake- so you drift in and out of uncomfortable naps throughout the morning. No matter how many times you fall asleep, begging for relief from the painful brick wall sitting on your brain, it never leaves.

You can feel the midday breeze rustle your tent. You’ve been laying here for hours now. You are crying and you honestly aren’t sure why. You feel completely paralyzed by all the things you need to do to be ready for the Underdark.

You need to clean your armor, go over the Goblin Camp’s map with Wyll, find Gale a magical artifact, and probably comfort Lae’zel since she’s been branded a heretic- but you won’t. The shame and self loathing continues. You are a silly, worthless little human being.

Every person who knocks on your tent gets a simple, “I’m just not feeling well,” and then they walk away. You don’t know why it makes you more sad than appreciative. If you were in their shoes- you would be bending over backwards to make sure they had everything they needed and you wouldn’t let them feel alone. Then you resent yourself for feeling that way towards your companions- they don’t owe you anything and you were the one who chose to help them- you didn’t ask for anything in return. This is all your fault.

The only person who hadn’t come to visit you was Astarion- which hurt your heart just a little, enough that the numbness coursing thickly through your body wavered for a moment. You are quite smitten and he is obviously not. Another mistake to add to the swirling black hole your mind has fallen into.

You knew it was stupid to want his comfort and affections- you had merely slept together a little less than a week ago. Astarion has been quasi avoiding you ever since and when he does talk to you- he’s awkward. You constantly look for flying pigs- Astarion feeling awkward or being awkward is unheard of.

You have come to accept that you were just some tryst and obviously he hadn’t enjoyed it as much as he said he did.

Astarion isn’t to blame and the situation itself certainly didn’t contribute to the sudden lack of emotions. You knew that you were on the verge of a mental collapse sooner rather than later, but you had foolishly hoped you wouldn’t be alone through it. It feels less all consuming when you try to find a reason. It’s more comfortable to know than it is to give up and say, “my brain is fucked and there isn’t a damn thing I can do so I guess I’m stuck here.”

You are jolted out of your thoughts by another knock on your tent.

“I’m sick,” you say flatly.

“Ha- you act like that will deter me. I can’t even get sick, Darling.”

Before you even have time to register that Astarion is on the other side of your tent- he pushes his way through the flaps and stares down at you in confusion. And… concern?

Astarion steps inside and kneels down next to you- scanning you for evidence of illness or injury.

“I suppose I had been worried for nothing,” he smiles sweetly at you, “you are totally fine. Come on Darling, you have to get up and eat. Wyll is fumbling with that map.”

You look at him and begin to cry. Astarion’s face lights up with alarm.

“What- what did I do!?”

“Please don’t make me,” you sob, “I just want a break. I’m so tired. I want to lay in this bed forever and never leave, but there is so much to do and it’s paralyzing.”

You continue to cry and you cover yourself with the extra blanket- successfully hiding your face.

“Go away,” you whisper, “I need to be left alone.”

You say it, but you are far from meaning it. You want him to stay- to hold you- but he doesn’t want you so it will only make everything hurt worse once the numbness fades away.

You wait for several moments and then you hear him leave. Your silent cry turns into choked sobs and your body is shaking from the pain you are in. The numbness hurts. The numbness tells you that you shouldn’t be alive.

Maybe you shouldn’t be.

Everyone here would be able to figure it out on their own (eventually) and you would finally be free. Free of your uncomfortable brain, free of your ugly body- free of the expectations of others. You would no longer be holding them back like you are today- like you will again in the future.

You are sure they would temporarily grieve you, but that was the deal with this whole journey. You had all accepted that one of you or all of you could die at any moment. You will just put them in more danger by being here…

You shake the thought from your head, violently- your head is pounding from the growing tension headache and dehydration. The tears eventually stop and you just… well, lay in bed again. You stare blankly at a book over in the corner. You keep trying to convince yourself to get up and read the damn thing- do literally ANYTHING else than just stay here in your bedroll.

Instead, you fall asleep.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wake up to someone knocking on your tent post. You grumble incoherently, covering your head and you hear your unexpected guest sit down next to you. The smell of food fills the tent and your stomach grumbles.

“You need to eat, my Dear,” Astarion says softly.

You are stunned to hear his voice grace your ears. You slowly pull the blanket down to just below your eyes and look at him. Astarion looks distressed, like he doesn’t want to be here. Why would he? You’re a nuisance.

You sit up gingerly and grab the bowl from him. You manage to give him a lopsided smile.

“Thanks. You don’t need to stay, I will be fine on my own,” you say apathetically, staring into the broth.

“I want to stay,” he says, “if you’ll have me.”

The expression on his face is unreadable, but he seems genuine. You nod, your lips pressed together tightly. You eat as much as you feel like while Astarion studies you.

Usually your anxiety is at an all time high (in maybe one of the better ways) when you are around Astarion- he gives you butterflies, butterflies, and even more butterflies. Usually your heart is racing in his presence, but right now you just feel empty.

“Where is your hairbrush?” Astarion asks.

You frown with confusion, “it’s in my bag, why?”

Astarion gets up and goes over to the bag- digging out a few items. He pulls out a lantern, your hairbrush, and a hair tie. Astarion comes over to you and sits down behind you. You feel him gather up the stray pieces of your hair and get to work.

Astarion runs his fingers through your scalp and your tangled hair- the feeling is soothing and it opens something inside of you. Your body shakes silently with sobs and you feel the worm behind your eyes wiggle as Astarion asks for access. You aren’t sure.

“I want to understand,” Astarion says, “please.”

His voice is so raw and desperate- you swallow thickly before allowing him to explore your current emotional state. The silence in the tent is palpable and you feel tense, uncomfortable even. No one has ever cared for you while you are in this state before.

You feel him continue his hairbrushing after he exits your mind. Astarion leaves soft kisses on your shoulder as he gently pulls apart every knot. It helps- you realize- to feel cared for. The numbness still hurts, you still hurt, but it’s nice to not feel so alone.

After Astarion is done brushing your hair, you feel his delicate fingers begin to intricately braid your hair. You wonder when he learned how to do hair.

“Leon’s daughter, Victoria, used to ask me to braid her hair all the time,” Astarion says in a bittersweet voice as if reading your mind, “I picked it up so that she would stop bugging me about it. She said and I quote, ‘you have the perfect braiding hands!’”

You smile to yourself tenderly, “That’s very kind of you, Star. I am sure she appreciated it as much as I appreciate it now.”

You feel Astarion’s hands falter at your words and you are unsure if you have upset him or not. A pregnant pause occurs before Astarion finally clears his throat and goes back to braiding your hair.

“I’m glad that I can help,” Astarion’s delicate, vulnerable words hang in the air, “I’ve… been worried about you today.”

You feel positively flustered and bad for making him feel that way.

“Oh you don’t need to worry about silly ole me! This happens sometimes” you make your voice chirpier than it needs to be, “This is actually the longest I’ve gone for a long time without this happening. I have theorized that the tadpole might help which is kinda cool- I think?”

You laugh awkwardly- desperate to ease his worry.

“How often does this happen?”

Shit. That was the winning question wasn’t it? Astarion will surely never see you as anything less than broken now.

“I’m not really sure,” your voice comes out in a whisper, “I usually always feel a bit of it all the time, but it’s manageable. I function very well regardless.”

“But this one isn’t manageable and evidently you aren’t functional right now.”

You sigh, “No, it isn’t and no, I’m not.”

“What changed?”

“Nothing,” you say, maybe too harshly, “that’s the part that drives me crazy. Yesterday was incredible- I was on top of the whole world, felt like dancing and screaming from the rooftops, but today!?”

You inhale and hold back the muted scream that wants to fill the air.

“Today,” you hiss, “I don’t even want to deal with any of this shit anymore. I’m so fucking tired. There is too much to fucking do and too many people depending on me. Then everyone gets irritated with me if I ask to push off their problems so I persevere through it despite knowing I’m getting bad again. I’m a giant stinking trash heap that everyone keeps adding more to.”

Astarion finishes braiding your hair and presses your back to his chest, pulling you into him. He puts his arms around your waist and settles his chin and face in between the crook of your neck.

“I just feel like such a nuisance all the time- no matter how hard I push myself to prove I’m not. Sometimes I think everyone would be better off if I just… went away.”

You both sit there quietly. At some point he had taken one of your hands in his and he was tracing shapes into the back of it with his thumb. Your omission still hangs heavily in the air.

“I wouldn’t be better off,” Astarion says hotly, “I’d be stuck with all these weirdos by myself. That would be truly miserable, Darling.”

You shake your head, a half smile on your face.

“And besides- you are not even close to a nuisance,” Astarion states, leaving a kiss on your cheek, “at least you aren’t in constant need of magical objects to eat or blood to drink. Oh and you don’t require a painstaking amount of searching to prevent you from literally burning everyone alive.

“Oh and did I forget to mention, we have not one, but two women who despise each other and follow hateful Goddesses which was a fun choice for whatever sick bastard twisted our fates this way.”

You laugh breathily, closing your eyes and letting the sound defrost some of your insides.

“What I’m saying is- I think you are the least of everyone’s ‘nuisances’, my Darling,” he says, squeezing you tighter to his chest, “despite how little you think of yourself. We ne- no, I want you to stay. I know everyone else would say the same, but I must emphasize that I would be horribly distraught if you disappeared. Hells I’d even pay to have you resurrected.”

You gasp playfully, your voice falling slightly flat, “You? The most frugal man I have ever met would pay 200 gold coins to ‘Strike thy name from the record’?”

Your impression of Withers gets Astarion to genuinely laugh- the sound vibrating in your chest. You lean into him and he guides you back to laying down. Astarion entangles his legs with yours as he holds you tightly- your faces are mere centimeters apart. You love the way Astarion smells- rosemary, bergamot, and brandy. You wish you could be wrapped up in him forever. You are still in pain- everything still hurts and feels too difficult, but right now it feels a little less heavy.

“I would throw bags of Gold Coins at that corpse out of revenge, my Dear,” he teases, “you couldn’t possibly think I would ever let you rest peacefully in your grave- I would be far too angry with you and unhappy without you to let that happen.”

You lay there and despite yourself, you lean forward and leave butterfly kisses along his cheeks with your lashes. Astarion scrunches up his nose reflexively and smiles at you. You plant a sweet, short kiss on his lips.

“Thank you Astarion- for everything.”

You close your eyes as he traces circles along your lower back. Your eyes begin to droop, and you fall asleep.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When you wake up the next morning- you are disappointed to find that you are all alone in your tent. The heavy numbness is still there and you sigh. At least last night made it more bearable.

You look on the side where Astarion had been sleeping and find a note with a bottle attached to it. You pick it up and begin to read.

Tav,

Astarion had asked me about herbs for some relief regarding mental discomforts. I unfortunately don’t know many, but this is a mixture of St. John’s Wort, Valerian Root, and Ashwagandha. Historically, I know these have been used to alleviate emotional and mental pain.

Astarion didn’t tell me why he was asking, but I deduced it was you pretty quickly when he began shooing everyone away from your tent this morning.

I hope this helps- we are all here if you need us. May Silvanus light your path as you navigate this difficult time.

-Halsin

You sit in your own stunned silence for what feels like hours. Halsin knows and he wants to help? Halsin doesn’t think you are screwed or a nuisance? The man barely even knows you!

You are a bit embarrassed, but you can’t help but laugh at the image of Astarion telling everyone to leave you alone.

You open the bottle and a pleasant, earthy smell fills the tent. You drink the mixture (that definitely does not taste anywhere near as pleasant as it smells) and you do feel a slight bit better. Your apathy feels even more tolerable now. You will have to thank Halsin.

You slowly rise from your tent and look around. Everything is packed up neatly in the corner- your clothes from the previous day are folded nicely and you notice all the holes are sewn up.

You jump when someone enters your tent abruptly- the midday sun warming your skin. You turn around and Astarion is smiling at you, but looks nervous.

“I cleaned off your armor and your weapons,” he says awkwardly, scratching the back of his head, “I also packed up your stuff- as you can see. We have to start leaving unfortunately, but I’ll help you get on your armor like I usually do- I might still need help with mine though, but I can ask someone else if it’s too much for you right now. Lae’zel and Karlach offered to pack up your tent. Wyll and Shadowheart figured out the map- Wyll is going to be our ‘fearless’ leader for the day. Gale has some food for you to snack on while we travel- which you will be eating, by the way.”

Astarion is looking at you with a vulnerable expression on his face. He plays nervously with the gold coin in his hands.

You can hardly believe what you are hearing.

“Did- did you do all this for me?” You say with disbelief.

You never thought Astarion was capable of smiling shyly until he had admitted to you that you had been his first thinking creature- you certainly never thought you’d see him become shy twice in your presence.

“I did and it wasn’t a nuisance so don’t even begin to worry about that,” He walks over to you, gently cradling your face in his hands, “I hope this is all okay.”

You smile- the first genuine feeling of happiness you’ve felt in the last 24 hours gently sparks in your chest as you stare up at him. You get up on your tiptoes and bridge the gap between your lips.

“Thank you Astarion, this is perfect- you are perfect,” you are crying tears of joy, “this is the kindest gesture anyone has ever made for me. So just, thank you.”

“Of course, Darling,” he says smiling in between kisses, “I won’t let you lose to yourself. We’ll get through this together from now on- no more hiding.”

And for once? You actually believe someone.

-if you guys like this, please let me know if you would want a part two written from Astarion’s perspective.

Update- I did the thing you silly geese

https://www.tumblr.com/chaoticbardlady99/735969926279528448/i-took-all-this-love-i-found-and-i-hope-that-its

Tag-list: @spacebarbarianweird @domainoflostsouls

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion #astarion x reader #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x you #bg3 spoilers #astarion romance #astarion x tav #bg3 #karlach #astarion x gn!tav #astarion x gender neutral reader #bg3 astarion #astarion acunin #mental health #actually adhd #and anxious #and depressed

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copperbadge · 2 years

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Hi! I suspect this question may sound sarcastic or asshole-ish, but I promise it's sincere. And I realize that you're not a doctor, so feel free to ignore or tell me to DMOR, but you seem to have looked into this pretty extensively, so I thought you might have some thoughts. If you take ADHD meds and they work (that is, you don't feel any different but you can actually Do Things, which maybe gives you really positive feelings, which is not how you usually feel about yourself), how do you know that it's actually ADHD and not that normally you're just lazy, but now you took meth and you're hyper and euphoric or whatever it is that it does to non-ADHD people? Asking for a friend.

I...hm, layers to this one. First, thank you for offering a tone note because on the one hand, without it I definitely would have felt a bit hostile, but on the other hand it's very difficult to ask a question like this without sounding like you're trying to get a rise, when you really are just trying to get information. I'd struggle with that too. So thank you! I believe you are in earnest :)

I'm going to try to dig through this by levels rather than go through the question chronologically, that might cause the least amount of confusion and crosstalk. This is going to get long and quite rough and I’m going to address a lot of tender subjects including drug use, addiction, and self-esteem issues, so please read with care for yourselves.

(I’ve tried to add in bolded topic headers so if you have ADHD and get bored of reading about one thing you can skip to the next!)

So to start with -- and this isn’t particularly satisfying as an answer, but well...I know I have ADHD because I’ve been evaluated for it, twice now, and the doctors said I did.

I fit a lot of the classic symptoms on the usual checklists, and while I’m smart enough to game those checklists, I tried to answer as honestly as I could. I wasn’t especially interested in getting Adderall for its intoxicant properties, since I’ve got plenty of access to other, arguably much easier to obtain intoxicants. I also, because I know myself to be someone who enjoys gaming tests for the game’s sake, made sure that at least one of the evaluations had cognitive tests that were harder to fuck with, like tangrams and memory tests and such. On the very top level, I know I’m medicating my ADHD because the tests say I have ADHD.

But say we don’t trust the tests, or say I’m not as honest as I claim. On the next level down, but still quite near the surface, let's talk about "how do you know you're medicated and not high?"

I've been in several kinds of altered state -- concussed, runner's high, stoned on weed or opiates, drunk -- and very occasionally I’ve been around people on coke or meth, though I’ve never done those myself. It's usually not difficult to tell that you are not functional on a normal level. It's difficult to describe how to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but for me being in an altered state like that is very evident. The first time I got a runner's high I was absolutely terrified because I knew something was wrong with me cognitively, but not why it had happened. When I woke up concussed, I knew immediately that something was wrong, but it was all I could do to get dressed and go across the street to a clinic, I was so fucked up. If you’re in an altered state and suddenly need to do something complicated, you're aware you would very much like not to be in that state anymore.

I've described Adderall as being like the most functional high you've ever had, but there are differences. If I've had, say, a weed edible, I feel calmer and happier and I'm also aware I'm stupid. I'm impaired and I can tell that. If I've taken an Adderall, I feel calmer and happier but not nearly to the same level, and there's no impairment to my intellect. Part of the calm is that if I think of something I need to do, I can immediately get up and do it, competently -- or I can decide not to. I control my impulses and actions. With street meth -- which I should note is much, much more potent than a low-dose Adderall -- compulsive behavior and lack of control are much more evident. Even if you are getting a lot done while on meth, you’re not necessarily in control of what, or how many times you have to do it to get it right. I'm told this is also often how people who don't have ADHD react to Adderall -- they’re not efficient as much as they are manic, particularly at stronger doses, which is why a) a good test of “do I have ADHD” is “How do I react to Adderall” and b) they start you on a super low dose.

When my psychiatrist and I meet to discuss how the medication is going, he asks me stuff like, do you feel you're in control of yourself? Are you having hallucinations? Do you find yourself craving a dose even when you know it would be detrimental? Do you feel your performance at work has improved, remained the same, or fallen? Do you find yourself able to focus but not able to control what you focus on?

On Adderall I do feel like I'm in control of myself, I do better work, and while I'm still learning to aim that focus, I am capable of doing so. I don't take it after 1pm because I know that'll fuck up my sleep schedule, and truthfully I don't want to. The one time I’ve taken Adderall after 3pm was because I was going to an art museum and I wanted to see how that would alter my experience, being able to focus more fully on the art and the person I was going with. And while I did have a great time, I wouldn’t make a habit of either taking the drug late in the day or taking it purely so I could have An Experience while on it. It’s fine, it’s fun, but it’s not so much fun I’m willing to mess with my sleep over it.

I also have zero desire to drink (for the best, given alcohol and stimulants are a no-no) and a much decreased desire to get high. I don't need to self-medicate because I am actually medicated. I wasn't doing a shitload of self-medication before, but I was undoubtedly doing some, and more during the pandemic, and I can see how it would have become unhealthy had I continued. Do I still occasionally take an edible in the evening to unwind? Yes. Do I do it at the level I was doing it earlier this year? Fuck no. And I take half the amount I used to when I do, making sure I’m doing it well after any Adderall has worn off.

The question of "medicated or high" can still be a little difficult. What I said above is also what a lot of addicts say. They believe they are in control, they are better when they're on their intoxicant of choice, etc etc. "I can stop anytime I want" is like, the number one way to quietly tell someone that you, in fact, can't. Addiction's simplest definition is "loss of control over behavior" and addicts will do a lot to convince you that they haven't lost control over their behavior. (For more on this, Caustic Soda has a great episode about addiction in which Dr. Rob discusses how addiction and physical dependence differ.) All I can really say in response to this is that Adderall improves my quality of life in ways external to my emotional state -- yes, it helps emotionally, but that’s small potatoes compared to say, weed or opioids (opioids -- now there’s a drug I could get into trouble over) and weed’s way easier to get these days than Adderall. Weed does not, however, help me cook healthful meals and clean the bathroom. Adderall does.

So let's talk about the deepest part of this -- "How do you know you're not just lazy?"

Increasingly we are coming to an understanding of human behavior that informs us that laziness doesn't exist. What we think of as laziness can be caused by a number of factors: failure of executive function, fear of failure, exhaustion, avoidance of the unpleasant. Humans want to experience pleasure, it's a fairly strong primal drive, and we do not experience pleasure purely through inaction. If you should be doing something but aren't, that's not pleasurable, it’s stressful and boring. Lots of people will tell you “I fucking love to sleep, sleep is the best thing” and I’m sure they truly feel that way, but it’s not because they’re lazy, it’s because they have a sleep debt they’re banking against or paying back. There’s a lot of debate about laziness right now, but even as I refer to myself as one of the laziest people on the planet, I know laziness doesn’t exist in the way we conceive of it. When I call myself lazy, I’m using it as shorthand to say “I will find the most low-energy way to achieve something.” Because I am tired, because I have ADHD. (And also because I’m not twenty anymore.)

With exquisite timing, @thebibliosphere has very recently written an essay on this situation called “But You’re So Successful Without It”. Joy can’t take any of the medications available for ADHD, and the essay talks about what it feels like to have ADHD and to burn out because of it, which is where I was about to hit earlier this year. There is no way to call Joy lazy and absolutely no way to hear what she has to say and think that she would choose to go through what she has if she had an alternative. Nobody with any compassion would force her to.

And here’s how I know I am not actually lazy: like Joy, I want to be doing the thing. If I need to do dishes and laundry so I’m not eating with my hands and wearing smelly clothing, but I’m not doing them, that’s not laziness. I know that my life is less pleasurable, indeed very unpleasant, if I don’t do those things. If I’m still incapable of doing them, it’s not because I Don’t Wanna. It’s because I am too tired, because I don’t feel like I can deal with unpleasant sensations on top of forcing myself to do something, or because my executive function isn’t functioning. If you aren’t doing something you should be doing, there’s usually a reason beyond “I’m just lazy” and it’s helpful, in breaking out of the mindset of “I’m a lazy (and therefore bad) person”, to ask yourself why.

If there’s a reason you’re not doing it, even if that reason is simply “I’m so tired”, then you’re not lazy. You’re tired. If it’s because it’s unpleasant, then you’re not lazy, you’re avoiding pain. If you want to and just simply can’t, you’re dealing with a loss of executive function.

Sometimes there are nonmedical workarounds. I wear gloves to do the dishes, I bought a cordless stick vac so my back wouldn’t hurt because I was constantly holding the vacuum cord in one hand, I blast podcasts when I’m doing something boring so my mind is elsewhere. I used to run at 3am because at any other time I was too fucking tired and I hate being out in public around strangers.

But, well, the best workaround for wonky executive function for me is Adderall. It’s not for everyone, it’s not an option for some, but for me it is one more tool -- admittedly a pretty spectacular one -- to manage a difficult life.

All that said, the idea of being a Bad Person for Not Doing A Thing is a knot that it takes a long time to unpick. It is very freeing, and certainly less stressful, to both acknowledge that some things are beyond us, and receive help that brings them back into the realm of our ability to do. But it’s a process, and nobody can hustle anyone down that path faster than they are capable of going. So, all I can do is offer my personal experience.

Even if this shit does kill me eventually, I’d rather have thirty more years where I am the person I’ve been in the last two months, than have fifty more years where I am the person I was in 2021. And even if I eventually have to go off it, what I’ve learned will help me not to hurt myself for something beyond my control.

#sam has adhd #adderall #drug use #addiction #self-esteem

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littlest-bugz · 6 months

Text

. introduction post .

Hello!

My name is BUGZ ! I am a bodily 21 year old [polyfragmented] DID system. We collectively have ADHD, Autism, OCD and a few other comorbid disorders. They all affect our day to day, but we will likely only post about our experiences as a DID system. Collectively we use they/he/she pronouns!

Get to know us more below the cut!

[ byf and dni also below cut ]

About Us !

OUR FREQUENT FRONTERS !

As of Recently, we've been in a state of Resolution/Functional Multiplicity. Things don't really change much around here anymore. We do have a collective identity, which is the body's identity itself [though we did have someone split off based on the collective identity].

We collectively identify as transmasc, bigender, panalterous, omni oriented aroaceflux, and ambiamorous ! This is an agreed upon identity the entirety of The Crew and Co. and is essentially for the body itself. Names, pronouns, genders and sexualities all vary from alter to alter individually.

On our page, you will find. . .

Lots of reblogs on random topics and hyperfixations

System Content [Mostly Text Posts and half-baked, lazy memes]

Original userboxes, blinkies, stamps. [The link to my hoards are below!!!]

Stimboards and Moodboards

Worldbuilding and OC talk

. . . and more!

Flag and Userbox Reqs are open!!

Before you interact. . .

Our account may not be fully SFW, but we never reblog or post explicit material. I have a bad swearing problem, and due to my trauma, I have a hard time telling what is socially acceptable in regards for entirely being SFW. It's something I'm working on, but please be weary! We don't mind agere and petre engagement, just please know my blog is more skewed for mature audiences.

We almost never tag who is posting! We try, but it causes a lot of anxiety for a good amount of us. Please don't ask us to sign off our posts, as we feel it invades our boundaries. We're willing to give pronouns, but we generally try to keep our names more private.

We are endo apathetic. We honestly do not care if endos exist or not, we are just vibing in our own space. We only care about the misinfo on CDDs that is being spread. PLUS anyone is welcome on our blog as long as they don't drag us into any discourse/syscourse, aren't promoting misinformation, and/or being a generally bad or gross person.

We block liberally and without telling the blocked party. It's a force of habit that proves handy on the world wide web. We also ask you don't bother us to be unblocked.

BPD/NPD/HPD/ASPD havers are all welcome on our blog! If u believe in narc/histronic/borderline abuse, leave!!

WE ARE PRO-EDUCATED SELF DIAGNOSIS!!!

Do not interact. . .

Basic DNI Criteria [this is a link.] [note: some of the items on this list are repeated for ease of identification]

If you intend to ask about stances on discourse. [note: I'm always willing to be open to new lines of thinking and new ideas, as well as be corrected for any misinfo I may accidentally spread, but if you're going to talk down to me because I don't know or don't believe what you believe, I will block you. Speak to me as an equal or don't speak to me at all.]

pro/comshippers and pro/comship supporters.

transid/transx/radqueer or supporters [transRAMCOA/transProgrammer blocked on sight]

“cringe culture” supporters

ageplay/ddlg [again sfw agere/petre fine, but please know this account has mature themes.]

MAPs/Pedos and Zoos

Transphobes, TERFs, Radfems, Transmeds and the likes

anti-xenogender/anti-neopronouns

anti-mspec

pro-forced birth (“pro-life”)/ anti-abortion

More will be added as time goes. . .

Tags!

#important - important posts to us!

#littlest_bugz og - my original posts,,, may not be very original tho LOL

#reblogs ?! on my feed ?! /lh /j - My reblog tag!! Everything that gets reblogged should be under this tag, but I don't always remember

#you asked we answered - My ask tag! Feel free to send in asks at anytime

#so real for this - I don't know how to describe this properly, but these posts are so real.

#original userboxes/layouts/flags/ect - All of our original content divided into specifics! [ note: they are not all lumped together like that, just putting them all together for the sake of space, you can find most of them tagged in this post ]

#system posting - Our experiences on system hood as well as reblogs and other stuff! Was formerly 'system stuff'

#kinito posting - I am obsessed with an axolotl virus [mostly kinitopet fanart]

#stardew posting - I'm an avid stardew valley fan!!! I reblog fanart and post abt it sometimes

#lps posting - I am/was an avid lps collector!! I reblog fanart and post original content [sometimes,,, but usually text posts]

#cat posting - I reblog a lot of cat pictures and art!! cats r a huge comfort for me

#writer posting - where I post all my writing content, such as memes,,, mainly memes

#artist posting - where I put all my art text posts, especially memes, but also just general art we make

#poem posting - poems we make or poems we reblog

#the hoard - I hoard and collect deco. If the links don't work for some reason, just click this tag

more tba . . .

Links!

Deco Collection - A hoard of all our deco, which includes stamps, blinkies and userboxes WARNING; FLASHING IMAGES, BRIGHT COLORS, AND MORE! PROCEED WITH CAUTION

pronouns.cc - has [some of] the frequent fronter's pronouns, names, and sign-offs. Only the peeps that are safe to say

personal blog - a wip but where I will post a ton of journal entry stuff! but not rn, unfortunately

art comms website - two of our hosts are artists and take comms- this is their site! comms are currently closed, except for the demented chibi heads [link]

my ko-fi - commission payments go here! The chibi head listing is on here! you can also donate if you feel inclined to, but it's 110% not expected

[note: you will probably see a linktree on some of these because I get freaked out by so many links on a page, but this is different bc tumblr is like my hub, if that makes sense?]

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coffee-and-guitar-strings · 2 months

Text

Studying with ADHD

Dear God. My activity on here is sporadic, as is fitting with my diagnosis, but I thought maybe this post could help anyone that's been struggling alongside me.

Warning: Long Post

Feel Free to browse the bullet points and stop if something catches your eye!

If you don't like any of these, don't use them! They're based solely off my experience, and everyone experiences ADHD differently <3

Content:

Setting up The Space

Study Snacks!! - No hunger in The Space

Compete with yourself

Ignore Pomodoro

Reverse the feeling of 'not being smart enough'

Active Recall

Unriddle.ai (not sponsored,,,)

Final Tip

Final Note

Here ya go:

1. Setting up The Space

Some sites say to create a 'distraction free zone' to study in. Screw that, it never worked for me.

My brain is the distraction. I'll stare off into space if there's no other option.

INSTEAD:

We set up a study space that both fulfils random urges mid-work session, and limits distractions away from the desk.

I.e. we don't get up until we need the bathroom.

You limit the amount you get up from The Space, you limit the number of things your attention span will switch to.

Snacks, fidgets, drawing, separate screen for watching stuff? Whatever works, stick it on the desk.

Food wise, I try to make a healthy lunch and then eat it at my desk while reviewing stuff, but sometimes I need a longer break.

If I am taking a break, I do it away from The Space. The Space is dead to me now.

Try to compartmentalise your area, work only in these spots, relax only in these, sleep only there.

We're trying to train our brains here, people, simple and clear relations of space to activity typically get embedded easier.

Also: work whenever.

Burst of energy at 9pm? Go for it, we sleep badly anyways.

Middle of lunch? Have a flashcard/ notes app on your phone, do it while you eat.

With friends? See method 5 <3

I'll link a separate post I'll be making on exactly how my space is set up, though most of the key points are in this one :)

2. Study Snacks!! - No hunger in The Space

One. Handed. Food. Only.

Also, food that doesn't get stuff on your fingers.

You can't work if you're constantly wiping your hands to keep going, and you need something you can absentmindedly grab while you keep your eyes trained on the work.

I recommend getting artificial sugar in your system, sweets, chocolate, give yourself a mild sugar rush to keep a bit of a buzz going while you work.

(try to be healthy about it, this won't be sustainable long-term, but I find a shot of sugar to the system can help prevent burnout)

Also caffeine! Please be aware of how much caffeine you're having for health reasons - I need to watch how much I have, since my medication is already bad for my heart, but even just having a coffee and some sugar at the start of the session, I get enough energy to start working

As long as I don't stop until I'm Done, I will be good.

3. Compete with yourself

I don't recommend competing with others, it toes the line of 'feeling like a failure' too much for my liking, but if it works for you, go for it.

Instead, I compete with myself. Mostly quizlet flashcards, but also 'how much of this have I remembered from yesterday?', and 'How much more can I remember today?'

Whether it's personality or hyperactivity, this gives a dopamine hit. Finding ways to make studying something you can score against is one of my favourite methods.

Video games are an ADHD staple for a reason, easily trackable progress and dopamine from rewards/hyperfixations/etc. make them addictive.

Turn the work into a video game (I think at this point I may sound insane to you guys but please trust me)

4. Ignore Pomodoro

ADHD students, we have to think like sharks: we stop, we die.

Once you have found yourself studying with (relative) ease, Do. Not. Stop. You keep that going as long as possible.

ADHD doesn't mean you can't focus, you can, you just have no choice in where that attention gets allocated. So, when a tomato-based timer tell you to turn off your focus and relax, after it took you half the damn time to start the stupid work, it can be a little counter-productive

(I may have some repressed rage for pomodoro, try to forgive me)

Please, ignore the pomodoro stuff. I know it's healthy to regulate the volume of work you do, but I find that once I start working, I can't stop until I run out of energy.

I time or video myself instead, I can track how long I've been working, feel proud of it, and I also can't use my phone during that session.

When my brain stops taking stuff in, I have an hour to 2 hour break, relax (away from The Space) try to reset my brain so it's back to baseline. Then I start again.

5. Reverse the feeling of 'not being smart enough'

I know I am smart, and it's on others if they don't see that, but having undiagnosed ADHD for 17 years did a number on my self image and confidence.

If you struggle with this, it's so, so helpful to try this method, and can start to reverse the negative internal image we've managed to cultivate <3

So, after you've covered a topic: tell someone about it (please make sure they're ready to listen to you rant for half an hour).

Not only are you reinforcing what you've just learnt, but you also get to feel competent, and teaching someone else about your topic helps to raise perceptions (internal or from others) of what you know/what you're capable of.

6. Active Recall

This one goes great with the whole, 'competing with yourself' method (no. 4);

Active Recall is just making sure you're going over old information and recalling correctly, once it's past short term memory. Trying to remember information without it present forces your brain to pull it from Long-term memory and reinforces the information in your brain.

I know it's been said a million times, but this + competing with yourself does wonders for me.

My favourite method is blurting ( read/write notes of one topic, wait ten minutes, do something else productive, and then try to copy that topic from memory. repeat until all key info is correctly recalled)

7. Unriddle.ai (not sponsored,,,)

Okay, this site changed it for me. 5 free uploads, 15 free inputs per month.

Download a copy of the fancy scientific paper/article/book you need to read through. Upload.

Ask unriddle to summarise key points, to re-write it as if you were 7, etc.

This genuinely saved my essays. Suddenly the procrastination of reading my source material was gone. It makes it so much easier to get through dense/boring text and then I wrote everything myself.

Please do not plagiarise, I am only recommending this site to make things easier to read, copying down what it produces is considered plagiarism by my uni, and likely most others.

8. Final Tip

Be kind to yourself.

When I got medicated, my friends were genuinely stressed by how much work I was suddenly doing.

One of them asked me about it, and I realised it didn't feel like I was doing any more than normal. I had always been working this hard, it was just that half the energy going in wasn't being wasted on trying to get myself to focus.

What you put in may not receive the same results as for others, but the reality is that you're likely working harder than they are. The irritating truth is simply that we have to compensate for the different cognitive functioning that neurotypicals get to take for granted

(no hate to the NTs, I'm glad ya'll don't have to think about it, but for someone with ADHD, it can be really tough to realise)

A Final Note:

You are smart. You can do this. We just need to modify the system a little to make it work for us. There is no shame in that, anyone telling you otherwise needs a reality check.

Genuinely though, I've noticed that people telling me I use my ADHD accommodations (required by law) as a 'crutch'.

1. If the world were set up by me, that same person would struggle just as much, if not more.

2. If Rishi Sunak's government is willing to GIVE ME FREE MONEY to access these accommodations, that implies that this genuinely is needed. Not because I think Sunak is intelligent or kind (my own political opinions, please just hear me out), but because there is no way, with the underfunding of the NHS, Public services, etc. that they'd be willing to give me money I don't need to repay if it wasn't a scientific fact that I needed it, and it helped.

Use the inadequacies of the government to your advantage in arguments, make the idiots see how integral our accommodations are. I'd have dropped out of uni by now without them.

For anyone in need of help trying to convince family/friends/teachers/etc. of the struggle with ADHD (or anything else, though I won't have as much experience with it), telling them what you need help with, or any other arguments, send me an ask. I do psychology for my degree, I am used to searching for research papers, and I will help you with the necessary scientific backing for your case.

You are not in this alone <3

Lots of Love!

Coffee + Guitar Strings

@chocolatelandgarden @chaoticstudyprincess

#studyblr #adhd #actually adhd #university #adhd problems #adhd studyblr #adhd study tips #adhd student #study tips #study blog #studying

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leidensygdom · 3 months

Text

well @voidsteeth has given me the power to ramble a bit more. PLEASE ignore the cat in that picture, for some goddamn reason it's the only way tumblr let me post this goddamn picture. it's a nice kitty, mind you

Up above, some really loose logo/main pic ideas for it! Excuse my terrible handwriting. Let me do it bullet-point format since it helps my adhd pin down stuff

So, it's gonna be a RPG. I wanna figure some fun gimmick and I surprisingly have a bunch of that well fleshed out! (Part of it revolving the elemental system, concerning Flesh/Memory/Mind/Matter/Soul). I'm not a huge fan of the repetitive encounter "smash everything in front of you" format. I'm going to be using RPG Maker MZ. My partner has a lot of experience with that, which should help a lot!

Inspired by a bit of a mix of classic JRPGs and more recent indie RPGs, specially Rpg Maker stuff. I've been raised watching my dad play the old Final Fantasy games (which I love dearly, specially IX, X and VII), but I've ended up loving the more recent indie scene myself (OFF, Oneshot, Undertale/Deltarune, Everhood)

(I'm gonna be playing more RPG Maker games to help with inspiration and knowing how much I can bend the system- Please feel free to recommend me some!)

Set in a sort of high fantasy setting, and it takes a bunch of stuff from the one I run my current DnD campaign in. I think it will feel familiar to DnD/PF players, but I'm going all in with my own worldbuilding! I wanna set myself apart from these.

I want to have a sort of in-game illustrated encyclopedia because I really dig that. I liked the way OFF used images here and there to add to the lore. I just love the idea of being able to collect pages and learn more on the way. I've sketched the ones for the elements already!

Themes will spin around friendship and human connection, eldritch horror flavoured stuff, and some temporal shenanigans too. It will also tackle on the importance of understanding the past- The story will put some focus on how people are too busy pillaging a ruined city to understand what actually destroyed it in the first place. Which, well, it's the kinda thing to have consequences.

I'm planning to work on this on my free time, and once it has a nice shape (and perhaps a playable demo), I may consider having a Kickstarter to complete it. I'm fairly confident I can handle (with enough time) most of the parts of it. I just need to get a bit familiar with pixel art (for the maps). I used to do that ages ago! I'm also familiar enough with programming and have done small web-games in the past.

The one thing I am absolutely not qualified enough for is music. I wanna try honing my skills but- Oh boy. (on that note, if you know of small musicians that are open for commissions, do let me know! Just as a very preliminary view)

also you can bet this is gonna be really LGBTQ+ themed. I wanna also take the chance to maybe sprinkle in some of my heritage's stuff, I've wanted to do that for ages!

I'm of course always open for specific questions about this. I'm really excited to work on it and help my mental health on the way. I'll do my best to share some concept art, mock ups and such as I get it more fleshed out! I have some enemies pinned down and I think people will really enjoy these designs : )

#gamethingy #long post #it's not the first time tumblr acts up about black and white doodles so i may start adding cat pictures on them

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faithsbrightideas · 1 year

Text

I Hope

Xavier Thorpe x reader

Tyler Galpin x reader

I’m going to try and make this gender neutral/no gender specified, I’m new to writing GN, I’ll go through and edit.

Summary: Xavier cheated and Tylers there for the reader even though they didn’t like him in the past.

I don’t really like doing authors notes, but I thought I’d put this out there, I’m more than welcome to taking requests. Just please keep in mind, I have major ADHD… so it may take me a bit XD … also I’m sorry I write so much angst, idk what’s wrong with me, but I like your not so typical happy ending. My blog is 18+

Warnings: angst, violent outbursts, cheating, cursing, sexual indications, no smut but sexual content.

ITALICS are Flashbacks and regular font is present time!!!

Based on “Happier” by Olivia Rodrigo and a tiktok sound, but I can’t find the OG so I can’t give credit!

“I really hope you’re happy… I truly mean that,” I spoke barely above a whisper and gave a sad smile.

Our first unavoidable bump into finally happened. Xavier and I broke up about a month ago. We have the same friends, we have the same classes, but that was easy to maneuver around. However, we literally bumped into each other as I walked out of the Weathervane with Enid.

“I am,” he nodded with a guilty face, but a smile that said he moved on.

I walked away, linking my arm with Enid, one so she’d take the hint I wanted to get as far away from this conversation as possible, and two because if I didn’t grab onto something I might just fall to the ground. He’d moved on so quickly. If he truly loved me, how could he be okay? Was he feeding her the same lies? An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean.

Remember when I believed you meant it when you said it first to me?

I sat with Xavier in his shed. He’d always drag me there when he’d had a stressful day, which understandably it was because his team had just lost to the Poe Cup. Mine did too, but I didn’t take it as seriously. I knew Bianca sabotaged it every year, to me it was just for fun.

“So… what’re you drawing all aggressively over there?” I asked looking up from my crochet hook and yarn.

I picked up crochet when Xavier first brought me here. Gave me a chance to unplug from electronics and pick up a new skill, we had agreed to make it a phone free zone, for now.

“Uhh… y’know? Just the usual…” he stumbled around on his words and searched his head in embarrassment.

I put down my things and walked over. He panicked and threw a cloth over his giant canvas.

“I can’t see?” I asked confused, “You know I love your art Xav. I’d never laugh.”

“It’s not that… I just-,” he stumbled over his words some more.

I took it upon myself and grabbed the cloth, making sure he knew what I was doing, fully prepared to stop if he really wanted me to. I didn’t want to pressure him into doing something that he didn’t want to do. I pulled the cloth off and I was shocked to see what he’d been so keen on me not seeing.

It was a drawing of me. I was sitting on the other side of the room, intently staring at the crochet guide, making my current project. Just then the picture started to move. The picture showed me sticking my tongue out and concentrating on the work at hand. I kept leaning over to read the next step.

“That’s my favorite face you make,” he explained, “I needed something to get out of my head about the Poe Cup… and you… you just make me feel better.”

“Y’know… I like people with emotional and intellectual depth, speaking so passionately about everything they believe in is honestly so beautiful,” I spoke softly still admiring the drawing, “Your soul is just… so beautiful, Xavier.”

I turned around to see him admiring me on his pint covered stool. His head was tilted to the right and a soft smile sat on his face.

“You, Y/n, are beautiful,” he admitted as his cheeks dusted pink.

I shook my head bashfully, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were flirting with me.”

His smile grew, “I could say the same thing about you,”

“And if I was?” I took a few steps forward to stand between his knees.

“Kiss me then,” a teasing smirk went across his face.

I’m not the type to not follow directions, at least, not when it comes to him. I softly placed my hand on his cheek and pressed my lips against his. His hands gripped my waist pulling me in as close as he could. After a few seconds, we pulled away. Knowing our friendship was altered, forever. What did we just get ourselves into?

“Well now we can’t just be friends,” he whispered pressing his forehead against mine, “I’m in too deep.”

Enid and I finally got back to Nevermore. The shuttle only taking 5 minutes to get back from Jericho.

“Hey, I’m going to go somewhere, I need to think… well, think less,” I said walking a different direction and going into the woods.

“Let me know if you need anything! I love you!” Enid shouted.

I needed to go to my latibule, the safety of this place, only few know about, provides me with comfort. I waved my hand, commanding the plants to move, and a trap door revealed itself. I opened it and went down the stairs, not bothering to put the plants back. I figured no one would bother me.

Once I got to the bottom, I switched on the battery powered lights looking around, three bean bag chairs, a couple book cases, a old white table, a projector, and a picture frame hung from a nail in the wall.

I huffed and grabbed the projector and set up one of my favorite movies. I grabbed a box of crochet supplies and continued working on my, long forgotten, project.

About 30 minutes into the movie my attention span wasn’t cooperating and I peeked over at the picture hung on the wall where Enid, Ajax, Xavier, Eugene and I occupied the frame. We were all sitting on a bench in Jericho after Outreach Day and Xavier laid across our laps. I was new then, but I knew that I felt like I finally belonged. They made me feel warm and welcome. I grabbed the picture off the wall, stomped up the stairs, and went outside. I chunked it as hard as I could at the nearest tree. The force shattered the frame, the picture still unharmed, but I felt a little better. I felt guilty for having all the glass on the ground so I went to go pick it up.

“You okay?” I heard a voice come from behind me.

“Tyler?” I asked confused as to why he was out here.

I didn’t exactly like Tyler, especially after what he did to Xavier. Although… I don’t like Xavier either, and Tyler did apologize and stop being friends with them, so I guess he wasn’t that bad.

“You could call it that,” I shrugged.

“What’re you doing out here?” He asked stepping forward and helping me pick up the glass.

“Well I’m supposed to be not thinking… but as you can tell it’s not going so well,” I said putting the glass in a shopping bag.

He picked up the picture and raised his brows in understanding. Obviously, Xavier and I had dated for 8 months, so it was no secret to people in this small town. Especially when Tyler works at the Weathervane and I love the coffee there. Not that there was anywhere else to get it.

“I heard… I’m sorry,” he said handing me back the picture.

I snatched it, crumbling it up, and adding it to the trash. I stood up with a grunt.

“Yeah well… when one person in a relationship cheats, they usually don’t stay together,” I said walking back to my bunker.

“Woah!” Tyler exclaimed, “I’ve been in these woods thousands of times and I’ve never seen this before.”

“I built it. I can manipulate the earth, so when I leave I just cover it with plants so no one can find it and no little creatures can get in,” I shrugged, “You… uh… wanna come in?”

He smiled like an excited little kid and nodded, “Yeah! I’d love to!”

I walked inside again with him following and went to sit back in my chair. It was deep enough that he could stand up straight and it was a decent size so it didn’t feel over crowded. He was looking around intensely at all the detail.

“You’re watching y/f/m?” He asked and sat down in another bean bag chair. (Your favorite movie)

“It’s my favorite movie,” I said eyeing him, prepared for him to make fun of my like most people do.

“I love this movie! Just don’t tell anyone,” he laughed.

For the first time in days, I smiled, “Here, I’ll start it over, I’m not that far into it.”

Tyler and I laughed and talked throughout the whole movie. Doing impressions of the characters. Saying our favorite lines. My mind completely escaped the detrimental impact the person I loved so much caused. We were there about 2 hours, Tyler had pulled out a bag of gummy bears out of his pocket and we shared them. He’d make me laugh when he would lick the back and stick them to his forehead. Once we realized how late it seemed to have gotten we started gathering our things.

“I had fun,” Tyler smiled grabbing the trash from the smashed picture frame.

“Me too! Maybe we could do it again! I come here often and if you’d like, you can to. Since you know where it is,” I offered, hoping he’d take it.

“I’d love to get to know you better. And this place is absolutely incredible, cozy!” He took it, thankfully.

He nodded his head to leave, I went first and he followed me up the stairs. I closed the hatch and moved plants over it to keep it concealed.

“That’s incredibly impressive,” he said scratching his head in shock of what he just saw, “How long have you been able to do that?”

“Since I was 14, so about 4 years,” I shrugged, “It first happened at the Poe Cup race our freshman year. I was running to get the flag and there were so many vines, as I was pushing them out of the way they all just moved. I didn’t realize what was happening at first, but I did it again on the way back to the boats. Been practicing ever since.”

“You’re incredible,” he laughed.

I felt the heat rush to my ears and a pant hit my heart… I haven’t heard that since Xavier and I started dating. He used to tell me that all the time.

“Thank you, Tyler. I also really appreciate you sticking around, I needed this,” I smiled at his face, which showed a surprised look.

“Honestly, I thought you hated me,” he admitted.

I shook my head, “You made a mistake, no one’s perfect. Besides, you personally took ownership and apologized to Xavier. He doesn’t really have much room to talk either.”

“Friends?” Tyler asked holding out his hand to shake.

“I’m a hugger,” I said wrapping my arms around his waist in a quick, but firm, hug.

“Seriously?!” A voice shouted and out from behind a tree stepped, Xavier.

Of course, what is this? A hallmark movie?

“Tyler, go,” I said pushing him in the direction he came from earlier, “I’ll see you later?”

“Are you sure you want me to leave?” He asked looking between us.

Xavier burned holes into his skull. If looks could kill Tyler would be obliterated.

“I’ll be fine, I promise,” I said with a tight lined smile.

Tyler nodded, sparing one last look between us. Xavier’s eyes were immediately on me after Tyler was out of view.

“You’re hanging out with Galpin?” Xavier snapped.

“So what if I am? What’s it to you?” I was getting angry.

“You know what he did to me, Y/n! You know he’s a jerk. Did you sleep with him? Why is he out here at our place?” He bombarded me with questions.

“Yes, Xavier, I do know what he did to you. He apologized… and you don’t have much room to talk! Do you? I didn’t sleep with him. Even if I did, why do you care? You’re too busy fucking some other girl, that’s the decision YOU made!” I began to raise my voice.

He got quiet. Tears formed in his eyes. Not because he still loved me, but because the guilt ate at him. He felt bad for hurting me. He may still care about me, but not the way I do for him.

“I made a mistake,” he said barely above a whisper.

He just stared at me. Silence. It was suffocating. I had so much to say, but I couldn’t say it. He did something unforgivable. He walked closer to me, slowly as if i was a wild animal and id run at any sudden movement. I felt like running, but my feet were in concrete. He cautiously placed his hand on my cheek.

“Please say something, sweetheart,” He whispered and pressed his forehead to mine.

I knew i was crying, I craved his touch and I knew I wouldn’t ever have it again. The water on my arm multiplied. We both looked up to the sky.

He scoffed to himself, “Deja vu.”

Enid, Ajax, Xavier and I was in our underground bunker, Ajax brought a movie that he wanted us to watch. I brought a ton of board games and we were planning on spending the night here. After watching the movie, Xavier and Ajax went to get a pizza. Leaving me and Enid to gossip. Xavier and i had been dating a month at this point and I couldn’t have been happier.

“Have you two done it?” Enid asked shocked when I finally told her the story of when he and I shared our first kiss.

“No, Enid. We’re waiting a bit, we just want to enjoy being a couple for a while before we add that into it. I just feel like once that kind of intimacy is involved it changes your relationship. I really like him, I don’t want to ruin this,” I explained playing with a tennis ball.

“Yeah, I get it. Ajax and I have been dating two years and we didn’t do it until about eight months in,” She said picking at a string on the bean bag chair.

“It’s raining,” I said.

“How do you know?” Enid asked listening closely.

“I can feel it in the plants.”

She made an ‘o’ face. The boys got back about 10 minutes later. They were soaked.

I cat-called him in a joking manner causing him to chuckle.

“Hey guys, I have an idea,” I smirked, feeling playful.

I grabbed Xavier’s hand and pulled him outside with me. I began to cheer and spin around in the rain. Enid came and joined me. Xavier stood there watching me, nothing but love and admiration in his eyes.

“Come on man!” I heard Ajax say as he ran over to Enid.

Xavier ran over and picked me up, spinning me around. I screamed playfully while laughing. Like the cutest scene from a movie, except it was my life. He put me down and we jumped into the muddy puddles. I eventually got tired and laid in the grass. The rain not seeming to let up as the thunder and lightning roared. Xavier laid down next to me and sighed.

“I love you,” I heard him say.

I sat up and looked at him. His cheeks were pink and he had a content smile on his face.

“What?” I asked him, unsure if my brain was playing tricks on me.

He sat up and rested his forehead against mine, “I said, I love you.”

I laughed, not one of humiliation, but of shock, “I love you too!”

I threw my arms around his neck and straddled him, slamming my mouth onto his. He smiled into the kiss. That day being the most perfect day.

“Except this rain isn’t a happy one,” I said taking a step back.

He looked hurt, but I didn’t care, I was hurt.

“Y/n, please say something. Yell! Scream! Hit me! I need to know what you’re thinking,” He demanded.

“You wanna know what I’m thinking?” I asked with a cracked voice, “I’m thinking why I wasn’t good enough for you.”

“Y/n-“

“Was her smile brighter than mine? Did you like the way she said your name better? Did your whole world, including me, disappear when you looked at her? Tell me you were possessed or maybe it was a curse so I don’t have to think that one night with her was worth more than a lifetime with me. Did you think about me when you were kissing her neck? Did you think about how much I would cry while telling her that her eyes were pretty? Were are you infatuated with the way that she talks? Did the way that she walk make your jaw drop the way mine does when looking at you? Was it fun because it was new? Did her bra make your jaw drop? Was it black or was it dark blue? You knew what you were doing and I hope you fell in love. I hope you fell in love with her figure, I hope you fell in love with the way wind blew through her hair, I hope you fell in love with the way your heart beat faster when looking at her while she wasn’t paying attention. Did your friends tell you congratulations? I hope you fell in love with her the way I fell in love with you… and then I hope she breaks your heart the same way you broke mine.”

Numb. I felt numb as I walked away. I didn’t spare a glance. Not even when i heard him choke out my name through silent sobs. I walked around for what felt like hours, which it was, until i saw the Weathervane, rain soaking every inch of my body. The water in my shoes squished as I sat in a booth, sinking down and hugging myself as it was chilly.

“Can I sit?”

I nodded. Tyler sat across from me.

“May I ask what happened?”

“He got what he wanted. To know what was going on in my head. I hurt him, but the thing is… it made me feel better,” I said feeling quite guilty.

“You’re soaked,” Tyler pointed out.

“Its just water. I’ll be fine, i just need to make my way back to Nevermore,” I said shivering.

“My shift just ended, do you want a coffee and maybe… we could go to my house. It’s closer than Nevermore and I feel like you shouldn’t be alone right now,” he said awkwardly.

“That sounds really nice Tyler,” I smiled softly.

He went over and made a warm latte for me and came over handing me a hoodie. I peeled off those I previously had on and slipped his over me. I smiled discreetly because it smelled so good. After Tyler grabbed his things he walked me out to his car and opened the door for me. I thanked him and got in. He turned the car on and the heater, just to make sure I’m warm.

“How was your day?” I asked making small talk, not wanting to talk about myself anymore.

“It was great, I spent a few hours with a pretty sweet person, I had a relatively slow work day, and now i get to spend even more time with that person from this morning,” He smiled while driving.

“I guess they’re lucky then, to have a person talk about them as such,” I chuckled.

“I think I’m the lucky one,” He said looking over at me hugging myself in the passenger seat, “Are you still cold? I can turn up the heat, although my house is right around the corner.”

“Oh I’m fine, I just do this for comfort,” I explained looking out the window.

We pulled up to his house and he got out and ran around opening my door for me.

“You’re a sweetheart,” I smiled.

He looked down at the ground blushing, closed the door and ran up onto the porch to unlock the door. He let me in first.

“Would your dad care?” I asked nervous.

“No, he’s not here ever anyway. Its just me,” He explained and continued, “My room is upstairs. The bathroom is to the left, I’ll grab you some clothes.”

I nodded and followed him upstairs and went to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair in total disarray from the rain and the wind. Xavier was the furthest thing from my mind. All I could think about was Tyler. He was so sweet and thoughtful, I wouldn’t mind spending even more time with him.

A knock came from the door and i opened it up, “Here’s some sweatpants and a t-shirt.”

I smiled, “Thanks, do you mind if I take a shower?”

He shook his head, “Ill be waiting in my room.”

I shut the door and began taking my clothes off and getting all the rain water off of me. I dried off with a towel that was folded neatly and then started with the clothes. I slipped on the t shirt. It was a little big on me, but yet again i was captivated by the smell. The sweats were extremely comfortable. I walked out and into Tylers bedroom.

“Knock, knock,” I said entering.

He was sitting on his computer and turned to look at me, “Cute.”

“Your clothes are very comfortable,” I said going to see what he was doing on his laptop.

“I was trying to order some Chinese food, but I don’t know what you like and I didn’t want to bother you,” He said.

“Oh I like f/c/f,” I said, “But you don’t have to do that.” (Favorite Chinese food)

He looked up at me, “I want to.”

I went and sat on his bed, feeling slightly guilty about him spending money and doing all these things for me. Once he was done he spun around in his chair.

“Want to talk? Or we can watch a movie? Or we can play games?” He listed off.

I laid down on his bed, “I feel like talking would be nice for now, or if you have a movie you want to watch.”

He grabbed his laptop and scrolled through some movies, “If you see one you like let me know.”

I couldn’t concentrate on the computer though, i just kept staring at his face. He said something but I didn’t hear him. I panicked when he turned to look at me.

“Y/n? Are you okay?” He asked concerned.

I nodded, not looking away from his face, shame wasn’t in my brain at the moment. He swallowed thickly and stared back. I looked down at his lips and back up to his eyes. He did the same with me. I let a shaky breath go. He made the first move and leaned in, brushing our ones together.

“If this isn’t what you want, stop me,” He whispered, breath hitting my lips.

“I want you,” I whispered grabbing the back of his neck and pushing my lips on his.

He softly put his hand on my throat, pulling me closer by the waist. I pushed the laptop away and straddled his waist. He groaned when my fingers went into his hair and tugged softly. He grabbed my ass making me gasp.

I pulled away looking deep into his eyes, “Tyler, I just want you to know you’re not a rebound.”

He leaned back onto his pillows, hands still on my hips, “Even if i was, I wouldn’t mind.”

I chuckled and bent down to kiss him again. I felt something press against me and i knew what he wanted. The doorbell rang. He groaned in frustration.

“I don’t think I’m going to be able to-“

“I’ll go get it,” I laughed and went to get the food and came back upstairs.

He had his laptop back on the bed and a movie already picked out. I handed him the food and we ate while watching it. I admired Tyler and set my food down, basically done with it.

“Do you not like it?” Tyler asked.

“No, I do, i just wanted to ask you something,” he perked up, “Why’re you doing all of his? Not that im not grateful, but im just curious.”

He sighed and put his food down, “I’ve liked you for years, Y/n. Ever since we met at Outreach Day our freshman year. You were helping out in the Weathervane and I was smitten by you. I saw how you and Xavier were together and i got jealous, so I had our friends ambush him. I regret it all, but as a 14 year old, feelings definitely cloud your judgement.”

I was in shock by all of this.

“When i saw you and Xavier together it broke me, but i saw how happy he made you and i thought if you’re happy then I’m happy,” He explained sadly.

I scooted closer to him and held his face in my hands, “I’m sorry I didn’t see it before.”

“I don’t mind if you’re just using me, as long as i get you for even a short amount of time. Any time is better than none,” He spoke nervously.

“Good thing i want you too, so maybe we could use each other, forever, exclusively?” I suggested with a soft smirk.

“I couldn’t think of anything more perfect, besides you,” he said grabbing my face and kissing me.

He brought his hand down to the sweats I was wearing, making me release a gasp, “You didn’t think you were getting away with earlier, did you?”

His voice dark and husky, eyes darkened more as I said, “I hope not.”

#xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe imagine #xavier thorpe x reader #wednesday #tyler galpin x you #tyler galpin x reader #tyler galpin imagine #tyler galpin #wednesday tyler #xavier wednesday

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temnurus · 10 months

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Wangxian Top Ten Fic Recs

So. I got into MDZS/The Untamed back in February, & I've sort of fallen into a Wangxian black hole from which I am not sure I will ever emerge. Thusly, I've been reading a ton of Wangxian fanfiction lately & have acquired quite a few favorites. Naturally I had to eventually compile a rec list lest I combust with all the barely suppressed love I have for this ship.

Now you lucky people get to reap the benefits of all my hard work because not only have I ranked my top ten, I am also including a bunch of honorable mentions because I'm ridiculous & have no self restraint because I'm such a kind & generous person. Note that the honorable mentions are not ranked & are listed in no particular order.

Fair warning, all of these recs are rated Explicit because I enjoy either a sprinkling or a flood of adult content with my fics. It's far from the focus of many of them, but it's there to varying degrees in each. Also, some of these fics cover some heavy content that may be triggering for some folks, so please do mind the tags & any authors' notes for your own peace of mind.

And with no further adieu, onto the recs!

1. Scars Where They Used to Be by CwythanWind (E, 58,467)

Thoughts: I lost count of how many times I cried in this fic. It was gorgeous in every sense of the word. The characterizations were phenomenal. Wei Ying’s pain was palpable, & the pining was agonizing. Lan Zhan conveying his love through poetry made me sob like a baby twice. The prose was just that beautiful. I can’t recommend this enough. As soon as I finished it I knew it was going to become my favorite Wangxian fic, & nothing has managed to top it yet.

2. Beneath Your Skin by Wrenwolf (E, 147,201)

Thoughts: I was sold on tattoo artist Wei Ying from the word go, haha, but Lan Zhan as an antiques dealer was also surprisingly on point. I go on about characterization a lot in these recs, but I have to tell you that Lan Zhan's here is one of my absolute favorites. I felt like I'd crawled into his skin & was just living there right along with him. And don't get me started on Wei Ying in this fic. I just.. fuck, I cried so much, y'all, & it was incredibly cathartic. Nie Huaisang was my favorite side character in this, & they were an absolute BAMF! You can't go wrong with this one. It's just stunning.

3. Pentimento. by orange_crushed (E, 72,966)

Thoughts: This fic was full of sentiment: regrets, longing, & so, so nostalgic. The love of art was apparent & beautifully on display here, & it added a richness to the whole thing. I cried several times during this from the empathy I had for both Lan Zhan's & Wei Ying's experiences (can you sense a theme with my favorites making me overly emotional? lol). The tone got heavy in places, but it didn't feel graphic or overwhelming at any point for me. The writing was just fantastic, & I've enjoyed a few more of the author's fics since I read this one.

4. i'm gonna drown when you wake up by teenjiism (E, 51,752)

Thoughts: I related to this fic on several levels because both characters are portrayed as neurodivergent in ways that felt very authentic, & I rarely see it done as well as it was here. I have ADHD, & Wei Ying's headspace felt extremely familiar, ha. Lan Zhan & Wei Ying's friendship was so lovely here, too. I adored their easy intimacy & how they were each other's favorite person before Wei Ying even realized he was in love with Lan Zhan. Oh yes, this is another fantastic oblivious Wei Ying/One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again fic. The pining was perfect, & the overall sweetness of their relationship made this a very floaty/happy reading experience for me, personally.

5. Nothing But Trouble by brooklinegirl (E, 60,318)

Thoughts: Continuing with the theme of One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again, this was a hilarious & heady fake dating scenario fic. His cluelessness reached new heights in this one, & I about died when he came up with the idea that naturally he & Lan Zhan should practice things like kissing for authenticity's sake. (Oh Wei Ying, you sweet summer child... he kills me; can you tell?) I loved how matter-of-fact Lan Zhan was about the whole thing, too. I laughed a lot during this fic. I even blushed a couple of times, too! Highly enjoyable & a must-read for me.

6. you've ruined my life (by not being mine) by cicer (E, 132,713)

Thoughts: None of the parents in this fic are doing a good job, but hey, they didn't in canon either, in my not-so-humble opinion. It's not what I focused on in the fic, but the tags certainly amused me. I haven't come across many texting fics in MDZS, so this was a pleasant & welcome surprise. The whole fic wasn't done through texting, but their text exchanges were SO CUTE. Lan Zhan texted exactly how I thought he would in this, & it made me laugh every time. The pining was lovely, & when they finally got to see each other in person again in New York I was glued to my computer until I finished the fic. I adored the tone of this one. It was great & just a really fun read.

7. and so my heart beats wildly by lily_winterwood (E, 106,435)

Thoughts: This was one of the most original modern AUs I've seen & featured competitive cultivation that had a Hunger Games meets professional figure-skating competition vibe. It was wild, but it made sense when I read it, I promise. The author was very good at fleshing out their world, & I was fascinated by the concept. Wei Ying once again failed to notice Lan Zhan was in love with him, & his confusion over their interactions never failed to entertain me. I never get tired of their dynamic, y'all, & it was just perfect here. I highly recommend this one.

8. Falling to the Rhythm by Selenay (E, 128,916)

Thoughts: Ever seen So You Think You Can Dance or Strictly Come Dancing? This was basically that but Wangxian! Wei Ying was stunning as a professional dancer being handed a socially awkward, concert violinist Lan Zhan & having to teach him to dance in front of the nation for 12 weeks, & I absolutely loved Lhan Zhan in this. He was precious. The sexual tension during some of the dances was electrifying, & watching them fall in love over the course of the filming of the show was a delight to read.

9. Two Dollar Coffee by marizousbooty (E, 145,286)

Thoughts: I almost fell out of my chair laughing because how do you acquire an accidental sugar daddy?! Well, if you read this fic, you'll find out. One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again! Yeah, it's one of my favorite AO3 tags, so sue me, lol. The sex was obviously one of the highlights, which I am known to enjoy in a fic (don't judge me, Puritans), but it certainly wasn't the only thing that was well written here. I loved everything about this from beginning to end.

10. things that make it warm by yabakuboi (E, 33,327)

Thoughts: This fic hurt my feelings, not gonna lie. I cried ugly tears at the break up, but I've always had a hard time with reconciliation fics. It was very worth it, however. The way the fic covered their relationship growing & changing over time was very compelling, & a highlight of this for me was Wei Ying's relationship with the Wens, particularly A'Yuan. It was very sweet amongst an ocean of angst, haha. I read this in the span of a couple hours. Just couldn't be torn away. If you're a sucker for angst with a happy ending, then you might want to check this one out.

Honorable Mentions

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70,972)

Thoughts: This was so heartwarming I couldn't stop smiling over how adorable it was. Kid fics aren't typically a favorite of mine, but I do enjoy a really good one every now & then. This was one of the best I've read, to be honest. A'Yuan was the sweetest little angel, & he was so cute with Wei Ying spazzing out about every aspect of his care. Lan Zhan being the quiet, responsible source of reason & support was expected but of course always a welcome addition to the mix. Accidental Baby Acquisition isn't a tag I'd seen before, but it's a new favorite when it comes to Wangxian getting to be surprise parents together, haha.

undone (the spreadsheet song) series by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 282,452)

Thoughts: This is a two part series that tells the same story from each love interest’s point of view, a la Rivals by Reiya in the YoI fandom, which is one of my favorites of all time. Similarly, this story is also phenomenally written. I was sucked in immediately & read both fics over the span of like 3 days. I actually read Lan Zhan’s POV fic (the second in the series) in a single day. I was spellbound by the whole thing, couldn’t get enough. I highly recommend this. The characterizations are incredible, & the emotions are so intense I couldn’t help but feel everything right along with each of them as the story progressed.

My only word of caution is that if you have a hard time reading about Wangxian being intimate with people other than each other you might want to skim/skip those sections of the second fic like I had to. The author makes it fairly easy by giving a heads up in the author’s notes at the beginning of each chapter in which that occurs, which I very much appreciated.

Many happy returns. by orange_crushed (E, 25,470)

Thoughts: This fic started with a very serendipitous first meeting between businessman Lan Zhan & Wei Ying, who he mistook for the (non-sexual) escort he'd hired for the evening. I nearly died of mortification right along with poor Lan Zhan when he figured out his mistake. Him confessing this to Wei Ying was painfully awkward & hurt my heart, but fear not! We all know I can't handle a fic without an eventual happy ending, haha. Watching their instant connection develop into something more was such a treat. I loved this fic quite a lot for it being a quicker read for me.

Multiphonics by androkastia (E, 63,705)

Thoughts: Wei Ying was such a lovable disaster in this (as he often is, bless him). Him & Lan Zhan both being in the orchestra was a fun idea, & I loved the author's choice of the harp for Lan Zhan's instrument. I thought it was very different from the usual violin or cello choice I've seen previously but still suited him perfectly. I also loved his overall characterization, down to his fashion sense being tastefully eclectic when his style is usually portrayed as very stuffy & conservative. I really enjoyed this college/university AU, & I've read quite a few of them at this point. So obviously this one stood out.

No Compasses, No Signs by brooklinegirl (E, 36,041)

Thoughts: Ah, finally! A soulmate fic. A Temnurus rec list really wouldn't be complete without at least one. This was a modern AU, which made it especially fun when their soul bond inexplicably manifested as they literally collided with each other on the sidewalk. It was painful watching them fumble for answers to why they suddenly knew things about each other they had no way of knowing only moments before, but the sweet conclusion made it more than worth the temporary angst.

A Haunting Love by Selenay (E, 64,621)

Thoughts: This was another very unique modern with magic AU, & I was nervous because Wei Ying was a ghost haunting Lan Zhan's new house in the quiet little town he moved to in order to write his next novel. Naturally Lan Zhan became ensnared by the mystery surrounding Wei Ying's departure. This had a very romantic feel to it, intensely poetic in a way that I found very alluring. There were even thriller-esque moments towards the end of the story, so it had a bit of everything, all of it equally satisfying to read.

love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360,042)

Thoughts: This was an example of a cool MDZS-specific trope I hadn't seen before, & in it Wei Ying, the infamous Yiling Patriarch, was a cultivator who had achieved immortality (aka, he's OP as fuck but in a fun way). The great sects enlisted his help to win the Sunshot Campaign, & what did he demand in return? Lan Zhan's hand in marriage, of course! It was a fantastic slow burn in which poor Lan Zhan suffered the mortifying ordeal of falling in love with his own husband. An amazing & complex plot, chock-full of angsty goodness.

a place to hide (can't find one near) by yiqie (E, 76,091)

Thoughts: I'm giving y'all a heads up first thing that this fic pulled no punches when it came to the heavier subject matter covered in the tags & author's note. Some of the descriptions were fairly graphic, so please take care of yourselves when considering this one. That said, it was a powerful portrayal of someone suffering from mental health issues & the long & often complicated journey of healing. This one also happened to contain a love story so beautiful that I was brought to tears several times by Lan Zhan's patient & loving care for his most important person, nevermind all the times I cried at the sad parts! I found the emotional cost of those very much worth the payoff of their happy ending, which is why I just had to include this one.

Just You, Just Me (Just Us, Just We) by wincechesters (E, 19,777)

Thoughts: Lan Zhan thought his brother made him an appointment at an acupuncturist & was aghast when he discovered it was for a session with a professional cuddler instead! Enter Wei Ying, gratuitous cuddle therapy, & his usual chaotic charm. Poor Lan Zhan being so overwhelmed while also becoming hopelessly besotted made me laugh, bless his fragile little heart. This was an adorable & light-hearted fic that made me want to go back & reread it almost immediately, haha.

my age has never made me wise by idrilka (E, 63,439)

Thoughts: I absolutely loved this. It was pretty CQL (The Untamed) compliant & told the post-canon story of Wei Ying wandering alone as a rogue cultivator after the events of the show. Of course he was pining after his zhiji the entire time, so when he heard gossip that the Chief Cultivator might be married by summer's end it nearly undid him. The angst was excruciating, but at the same time, One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again fics somehow always manage to be fun at the same time. I've read several post-canon, wandering Wei Ying stories, & this one was particularly good.

#mdzs #the untamed #wangxian #lan zhan #wei ying #lan wangji #wei wuxian #wangxian fic rec #one brain cell wwx is the best y'all #i love him sm #all of these are smutty #sorry not sorry #and the angst #oh god the angst #pls bring tissues #Temnurus rec list

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justwearthegoddamncardigan · 1 year

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hello :) how are you ? i saw that you followed me, thank you by the way ! may i request a adhd!reader x thomas fanfic please ? They have a telepatic link together. She is mejack. Being in the glade wasn't easy for her because of the works, she needed to focus and being fast and it exhausted her also some gladers wasn't very nice to her so one day she has a ouburst and yell across the glade. Thomas her boyfriend was the first to comfort her.

sorry for my english im french

Hey! I'm doing pretty well, ty for asking

Yeah I looked at your page and saw maze runner, teen wolf, and taylor, so I absolutely had to follow ❤

Thanks for the request, I hadn't gotten to explore the telepathy thing from the books in my fics yet, so that was fun to write. Hope you enjoy!

Calm and Storm

Thomas x adhd!fem!reader

Set during tmr (movieverse)

Notes: I am not personally close with anyone with ADHD, so representation of ADHD in this fic is completely research-based, like my fic Tides which had an autistic reader. Let me know if anything should be changed.

More notes: I also added an emotional empathy-type bond on top of the telepathy thing. Canon divergence where Thomas is in the Glade for at least a few more weeks before everything happens i.e. Teresa coming, the Grievers attacking, all the stuff. it happens later.

Warnings: language, minor injuries, some asshole men and suggestive comments, I feel like it's not written that well :( hopefully it's ok

You remember the first time you met Thomas.

"And in here, we've got the Medjacks." Newt's voice floated in from the entrance.

You'd missed seeing the Box come up, cause one of the Gladers was sick and needed to be watched.

You turned and smiled at the new boy. "Hey, I'm Y/n."

You're a girl, you heard.

"You've got some stellar observation skills there," you said, smirking.

Thomas had looked surprised, and Newt looked between the two of you, confused.

"Uh- Y/n, what?"

...did Newt not hear what the Greenie said?

"Um... anyway, you here for a crash course on Medjacks?" You decided to just continue and skip over that weird exchange.

Little did you know that was the first of many telepathic conversations to come.

You found out about your mental link with Thomas the next night.

When he was stuck in the Maze with Minho, you'd called out to him in your mind, and been stunned when he responded.

After confusedly realising that you clearly had some sort of mental connection, you stayed up all night talking to him and supporting him.

Holy shit, I just killed a Griever

What the shuck? How is that even possible?

I ran and baited it until it was crushed between the walls.

You must've looked pretty strange that night, alone in the Medjack hut making hand gestures and facial expressions to nobody, and pacing around the room restlessly.

What're you doing now?

I'm with Minho, we need to get back to Alby.

Okay. Stay with me, alright? Just keep updating me.

Sure, oh- ohhhh shit!

What? What happened?

I just heard another Griever, I don't think I can kill another one, holy shit, what do we do-

Thomas! Calm down. Breathe. Focus on my voice.

Minho- Minho's saying something.

Okay, good, just follow him.

Shitshitshitshitshit

You realise you can feel emotions through the bond too, and Thomas' fear is spiralling straight into you.

Thomas?

Yeah, I'm here. Just say anything. Tell me about anything, just distract me.

Okay, you keep following Minho alright?

Yeah yeah, just talk to me so I don't hear the Grievers as much.

You got it.

You try to channel your own emotions too.

Hey, when you get back, I can ask Frypan to make pancakes.

There's pancakes in this place?

Only for special occasions. We put the good fruits on them and everything.

You mentally push as much comfort as you can through the bond. It feels weird, and you don't know if it works, until-

Hey, Y/n, is that you?

What?

I can feel like... calmness, or something. Are you doing that?

Shucking hell, it actually worked.

You just keep talking all through the night.

When he gets back, the two of you sort through how the bond works.

Basically, you can talk to each other through telepathy, and also send emotions through sometimes.

Usually, the emotions won't go if you don't push them across on purpose.

But, if it's strong enough, like Thomas' fear from that night, it'll be felt by the other person.

Having that bond brings you closer to Thomas, and before you know it you're practically attached at the hip.

You trade little jokes with each other during meetings and meals, and sometimes you chat while you're working.

⭒----⭒

It's a few weeks after Thomas arrives in the Glade that you start dating.

Boys had always tried to hit on you, cause you know, you're shuckin' pretty (and also hot, obviously), but you were never interested in any of them.

Until Thomas.

You started crushing on him when you became friends and got to know him better.

He makes you laugh, and his smile is intoxicating, and he has an insane knack for remembering the little things you mention in conversation.

Things you'd only mention once, for half a second, like bringing up the little flower garden by the lake.

But he still remembers.

And that's how he confessed his feelings to you.

You can still feel the nervousness coursing through the bond from him as he handed you a bundle of white flowers, smiling shyly.

Then you felt joy, both his and yours when you told him you liked him too, and you had your first kiss.

⭒----⭒

Aside from casual conversation and sharing emotions, the connection also helps you a lot, cause Thomas can feel when your frustration seeps through the bond, and he can come over to look after you.

As a Medjack, the work isn't always the best - sometimes it feels like you're fighting your own brain to do your job.

Most of your work includes sitting at a table in the Medjack hut and repetitively making cures for various ailments and injuries.

You often feel restless sitting at that desk, finding it hard to force yourself to stay seated and focus on the task.

That's not to say you're bad at your job.

You make the most effective hangover cures the Glade has ever seen, and you can bandage a wound faster than both Jeff and Clint.

You just hate doing one thing for too long.

Oftentimes you'll impulsively switch to rolling bandages halfway through mixing fever medicine, or you'll be constantly fidgeting during the Medjack segment of council meetings.

Essentially, being a Medjack can be a lot sometimes.

Like today.

Most of the Gladers are good guys, but there's still a few that you loathe to treat.

There's a Builder, Derek, a grade-A asshole who can never stop sending you that smarmy, suggestive grin and making obscene comments about you and Thomas, as well as outright insulting your work.

Unfortunately, Derek is clumsy as klunk, and is always getting cut up on sharp pieces of wood.

He thinks being littered with scars is cool, and wears his stupid shirt with the sleeves obnoxiously cut off, because apparently having scratched up arms from being unable to stay on a ladder is a good look that must be shared with the world. (or just wear a singlet bro, you didn't have to cut up a t-shirt).

Anyways, Derek is once again injured, and is yelling at the Medjack hut from where he and another Builder are working on the council hall.

"Oi! Can we get some help over here? People are injured!" His grating voice cuts through the peace of the hut.

Clint looks up in concern. "Shuck, must be bad. Y/n, let's go take a look."

You take a breath to steady yourself. You've had a rough day already, dealing with some difficult Gladers, and having to treat Derek might just push you off the edge.

Plus, you only got like, two hours of sleep last night, so you're pretty exhausted.

You gather some supplies and rush out of the hut to where Derek is waiting.

He's sitting calmly on a rock, legs visibly uninjured.

Even Clint's annoyed at this point. "Couldn't've even walked to the hut?" he mutters.

There's blood dripping from Derek's shoulder, which; how do you even get injured there.

Medjacks treat all patients with care, you tell yourself, gritting your teeth.

"I'll take Derek, you take care of John," says Clint, clapping a hand on your shoulder. He leaves to grab a needle for stitches.

You nod gratefully; Clint's probably remembering your many rants about Derek in the huts.

You carefully examine John's sprained wrist, grabbing supplies to make a brace before bandaging the injury.

"Hey Y/n," calls Derek. "Any chance you can hurry up with that? I need some help here."

Clint must be stuck in the hut with something.

"Just. Wait." you say stiffly, through clenched teeth.

At this point, you're about one more comment away from taking a swing at Derek.

You feel your anger start to build as Derek steps closer.

Y/n?

Shuck, you're mad enough to alert Thomas.

It's fine, you send back.

"Seriously?" Derek's leaning over John's wrist right now, inspecting your brace. "It's just a sprain. How is this taking so long?"

"Dude, back off," says John.

You ignore Derek despite being ready to punch him. "You should ask Frypan for ice later," you tell John. "Don't work for at least the rest of the day okay? I'm gonna bandage it now."

"That's how you're leaving the brace?" Derek stares down at your work.

"Look, do you wanna do it?" you huff, before berating yourself for giving in and speaking to him.

"I guess your hands are busy doing other things for Thomas to practice doing actual medical work."

You stand abruptly, hands clenched furiously.

"What is your problem?" you exclaim. "Just shut the fuck up and leave me alone!"

"Woah there," says Derek, laughing a little. "Chill out girly."

You're actually seething by now, and-

Y/n!

What.

Hey, you're okay. What's wrong?

Nothing. It's fine.

You can almost hear him sigh half-fondly and half-exasperatedly through the bond. I'm comin' out of the Maze now. I'll be at the hut in two minutes.

"Uh- hello?" Derek waves his hand in your face.

You shove his hand away before bending to bandage John's wrist.

"Finally," says Derek when you're done. "Can you do my shoulder now?"

"No," you say flatly. "It's a minor cut. You can wait for Clint."

"Hey, I'm pretty sure it's your responsibility. I'd prefer to wait for Clint, too, but I-"

"Shucking hell, enough!" you shout, voice rising quickly. "Can't you just leave me alone, you piece of klunk! God, you're always looking for someone to bother, finding some way to annoy someone. What, do you just want attention? Please just get out of my face."

The Glade seems frozen, with people looking up from their work to watch.

Then a soft voice breaks the silence. "Hey," says Thomas. He comes up behind you and gives you that signature grin.

"Derek, a pleasure as always." He flips him off with one hand, using the other to take your hand, and you let him lead you into the Medjack hut.

"Clint," says Thomas. "There's a dickhead outside who needs stitches. Is it okay if you..."

"Oh shuck, sorry." Clint grabs the needle and thread he'd initially come in from. "Got distracted," he explains.

You snort. "I get that."

Clint leaves, leaving you and Thomas alone.

You take a seat on one of the beds, and he sits facing you in a stool.

He gently kicks out a leg, nudging you in the shin.

"You alright?" he asks.

"Yeah," you say. "Just- you know."

"Just what?"

You sigh, scrubbing your face with a hand. "That was embarrassing."

Thomas looks at you incredulously. "Are you kidding? Everything you said was more than valid. Derek's just a horrible person, don't let him make you feel embarrassed."

"Yeah... but everyone was watching."

"I'd watch too. I'd watch the strongest, coolest, prettiest person in the Glade ripping into this sorry excuse for a human."

You huff out a laugh at his dramatics. "Thanks."

"Hey, c'mon." Thomas pulls you into a hug, before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"Wanna have dinner in the flower field today?"

"I'd love that," you reply, grinning.

Heyy I'm loving the diversity of readers in my asks lately. Thanks for sending this one ❤❤

Also, I know my tense is messed up in this one. I usually write in present but idk this one's just funky. Hope it was alright.

In general I'm a little unsure about how this fic turned out, I feel like the writing wasn't really good. This weekend was pretty hectic and I didn't get in the flow of writing :((( idk I hope it was still an enjoyable fic.

Anyway, is asshole Derek based on someone I know? nope just an oddly specific OC. in other news I have a family friend I always have to see at get togethers who loves making his furniture from scratch and can never stay safe while making his fucking chairs and lets us know proudly every time he has to go to the ER. he's a douche not a misunderstood hot guy trust me on that

#the maze runner #tmr thomas #thomas x you #thomas x reader #tmr thomas x reader #my writing

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butmakeitgayblog · 5 months

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ADHD here, please tell me, teach me, write instruction to how brush and floss your teeth three times a day.

Please.

Do you set alarm clocks? Do you have apps that reminds you? T_T

And no, wisdom teeth ARE NOT easy.

I gotchu

👇👇👇👇

Nope no apps or alarms. It's all less about a schedule, and more just working it into your eating routine. Making flossing and brushing part of your eating process is the easiest way rather than just relying on memory or "oop it's 1pm, gotta brush!" when you may not even eat lunch until 2, you get me?

Here's my process:

1. Brush before you eat breakfast. If you feel a bit nauseous in the mornings, try and sip some water to settle it down, but whatever you do, do not eat or drink anything other than water before your first brush. Why?

Eating softens the enamel! Acidic drinks (coffee, juice, etc) softens the enamel! If you eat/drink and then brush, you are quite literally brushing away your teefie's lil coat of armor!

2. Brush yo damn tongue. I know it sucks. I know you'll gag. It's hell. Do it anyway. I'm suffering with you ✊

3. Don't just go crazy everywhere in there. If you're zigzagging around your mouth like it's Mario kart, you're missing spots. I brush in sections to guarentee coverage. Top right molars - front, bottom, back, back edge. Bottom right molars - front, top, back, back edge. Etc. In total, six sections each brushed exactly the same.

I'm fully aware written down it sounds OCD levels of bullshit, but I promise, it's the same 2-3 minutes spent brushing as usual, just organized and effective rather than pure chaos and a prayer of plaque removal 🥴

Also, don't brush too hard. If your bristles are bent and smooshed, ease up my god you're brushing away the enamel by force 😳

4. After you brush and spit - Do. Not. Rinse.

Don't.

Put the water down.

If at most you have to refresh the tongue from feeling weirdly coated, take a tiny sip of water and gurgle only on the back of the tongue and spit.

I say this because the longer the toothpaste stays on your teeth, the better. You want that flouride and whatnot doing its thing on your enamel and gum line as long as possible, so give it as much time as you can and let your mouth naturally clean it out. It will.

5. Floss after every meal. Every one. It will become a habit and you'll start to hate the feeling of not flossing after. Floss after snacks!!! If it's solid food, floss. Period. Flossers can and will become your best friend because they are so convenient. I love them, I just keep a few in the zipper part of my wallet and whenever I'm out, I can (and do) floss on the go.

Side note, there is a right and wrong way to floss. So, be mindful of that.

6. Other than morning time, brush after meals when you can, HOWEVER!!!! WAIT AT LEAST 20 MINUTES (see part 1.) In those 20 minutes after you finish eating, drink water and thoroughly swish it around your mouth to help dilute the acid sitting on your teeth. Floss during this time as well to get the crud out from between your teeth so it's not just sitting there. If you're out in public or at a job where you can't brush after lunch, brush as soon as you get home. Literally take off your shoes, hang up your coat, kiss your pet (or spouse or... idk houseplant) hello, and then go brush.

8. After your final brushing of the day, eat or drink nothing else but water. Nothing.

Look at me

Nothing else ಠ_ಠ

If you do want to eat or drink again, gonna have to wait 20 min and brush again 🤷‍♀️

So you see, it's less about a schedule and more just working the act of brushing and flossing into your normal eating routine. Make the two synonymous. Make it part of your meal process. Eat. Floss. Rinse with water. Wait, then brush.

Important*****

For those who have days when they cannot mentally or physically make themselves brush, listen to me. I understand. It's ok. Believe me, I do know more than I ever say on here. But don't do nothing. If that is you, keep a small bottle of listerine next to your bed/chair so you can swish and spit. Buy a bag of flossers and keep those near you to at least floss. Buy those little one use brusher sticks/a clean rag and toothpaste and use those. If that's the best you can do, there's no shame in that. I promise your future self will be so, so grateful for these little things, because even a little is better than nothing. And in the end you deserve to have your mouth feel fresh, even when you yourself don't have the spoons to do much else.

#anon #i take teeth hygiene very seriously lol #my mom had so many teeth problems and my aunt spent THOUSANDS on her teeth #i just realized young that I did not want that to be me #and having lived the majority of my life without dental insurance it's always been a very do or die thing #cuz if something goes catastrophically wrong i can't afford to fix it #so maintenance has always been the name of the game for me

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dix0nvix3n · 6 months

Text

➳જ⁀➴ 𝕯𝖆𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗'𝖘 𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 ⟡

₊˚✩ ₊˚ 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔶/𝔥𝔢/𝔰𝔥𝔢 | 21 | 𝔈𝔑𝔉𝔓 | 𝔮𝔲𝔢𝔢𝔯 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔯𝔣𝔩𝔲𝔦𝔡 | 𝔞𝔲𝔡𝔥𝔡 𝔠𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔢 ₊˚✩ ₊˚

⭑✧˖°𖤓 Hi!! On this account I would prefer to be called Dagger as I would not like to reveal my real name here. I write X Reader fics for Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead and Scud from Blade 2. I'm completely new to writing so please be gentle lol. 𖤓°˖✧⭑

𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔩

⛥ 18+ to interact with me and my NSFW work, NSFW will always be marked as 18+, those works will say mdni but if you are a minor and do end up reading those fics, remember that I am not responsible for your media consumption.

⛥ Although I'm genderfluid I feel the most comfortable writing the reader as afab with she/her pronouns, I may potentially write gender neutral reader fics though. These things aside, anyone of any identity is of course allowed to read my work.

⛥ My fics will always come with a warning description of some kind and if I ever miss something you think should be in the warning, please let me know!

⛥ As I said I currently only write for Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead and Scud Frohmeyer from Blade 2, I hope to branch out to more Norman Reedus characters and maybe characters not played by him someday but I'm completely new to writing and really only know how to write for them so far.

⛥ Please note that I have severe anxiety when it comes to interacting with anything online which makes it very hard for me to reply to comments and comment on things, repost, and I often will love a fic and not even like the post because I get so in my head thinking that person will think of my interaction as weird. I know this probably doesn't make sense to a lot of people but please try and understand, I am currently trying to work on this but please know It's gonna take me a very long time.

ℜ𝔢𝔮𝔲𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔰

⛥ I currently don't take requests because they seem a bit overwhelming for me at this time being but you can send me any thoughts and ideas you have about Daryl and Scud (some other Norman characters too! I have lots of thoughts about other characters Norman has played I just don't know how to write for them yet!) and I will try and give you my thoughts and ideas back!

ℑ𝔫𝔣𝔬

⛥ Masterlist: Will be made at some point!!

⛥ Fics:

Stoner Daryl x Stoner Reader 18+ ✶❀

COMING SOON

Daryl x Reader Alexandria Christmas One-Shot ❀ COMING SOON

Scud X Reader Blade's Lair 18+ One-Shot ✶❀

COMING SOON

✶- Smut | ✧- Suggestive ❀-Fluff | ☽-Angst

𝔉𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔰 𝔄𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔐𝔢

⛥ I'm Autistic and have ADHD, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, probably several other problems I'm not aware of myself yet lmao, and I am also Anemic.

⛥ I've been to at least 15 concerts but need to recount actually how many, including 3 Warped Tours, so sorry to anyone who never got to go they were truly such unique experiences.

⛥ I have 7 piercings but have been pierced 8 times, fucked up my first eyebrow piercing lol. In order I got a septum, right eyebrow, daith, bridge, two helixes in one day, a conch and also my right eyebrow repierced on the same day. Also all the ear piercings are on my right ear cause I used to have the right side of my head shaved and an undercut so my left ear was never visible but with my new haircut,,, I really need some for the left ear.

⛥ Also, the conch jewelery is my only special piece of jewelery I have and I got it in memory of two things. The conch piece is a titanium dagger with a simple little jewel in the middle, when I saw it I immediately thought of Daryl and his big knives/daggers and also a reference to the band Witchdagger from Night In The Woods, a game that fundamentally helped me grow as a person.

⛥ The reason I changed my hair from the side shave was so I could actually grow it out and cut it to Scud's hairstyle, that fucker is soooo gender.

⛥ I don't know much about my zodiac signs but I'm a Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Capricorn Rising.

⛥ My favorite fruits are peaches, oranges, and raspberries.

⛥ I edit occasionally when I have the mental energy which is rare but I post them @ daryldixonvixen on tiktok if anyone is interested, will possibly start posting my edits on instagram too :)

⛥ and uhhhh I'll keep adding to these when I think of more

And here's what the conch piercing looks like if anyone wanted to see it :]

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction #the walking dead #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon x y/n #daryl dixon x you #daryl dixon smut #daryl dixon x reader smut #scud frohmeyer #scud x reader #scud x reader smut #scud blade 2 #blade 2 #norman reedus

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