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sometimesoliloquy · 2 years

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The Handmaid’s Tale 5x08 “Motherland” (or “This is Not the Beach you’re Looking for”) 👀

Whoo boy, sorry this one’s so late, life and stuff has got my brain feeling broken this past week. Let’s see if I can string some coherent sentences together about this episode, where in addition to heavy parallels on motherhood (and Serena and June again, of course), some big/dramatic events also seem to finally be put into motion, and it only took 4/5 of the season to do (yay I can do fractions, my brain isn’t fully broken!). I have to say, though, taking everything into consideration I am nervous as hell for episode 9...

So we open 5x08 with June daydreaming: a flashback of June making pancakes with Hannah, but jarred to reality by blaring car horns, as asshole protestors yell in the background. Apparently now they have to deal not only with the wannabe Gilead cult member nutjobs, but also a suddenly Canadian nationalistic fervor bringing mobs who look and sound like they just came from a Trump rally, but carrying beaver signs and saying “eh” a lot more. June’s phone rings and we learn it’s Serena (again), apparently she’s been telemarketing the shit out of June for a month while in detention. Moira expresses surprise that Serena even thinks they would help her, meanwhile honestly I’m wondering how she even got June’s digits. Luke can tune out the protestors and doesn’t seem to give a shit about newborns dying in the woods (does anything bother this guy? (spoiler: we find out later).

Dramatically ominous music plays over a cut of crashing waves and cawing seagulls and I’m thinking someone on THT is definitely a Hitchcock fan (first the Vertigo inspired Wheeler household and now an ode to The Birds). We narrow in to our favorite pithy commander Lawrence giving several other commanders a tour of the shiny new location for The Real Housewives of Gilead New Bethlehem. The only one I recognize aside from Jlaw and his sidekick puppy Nick is that smug bastard Calhoun (who really reminds me soo much of a youngish Republican senator), so ostensibly they’ve done a good job of whittling down the competition. Calhoun seems fully on board with what Jlaw touts as the more modernized, liberal Gilead, where they can welcome back prodigal sons and daughters to get away from those nasty Canadians and reunite with family (more on that in a second). New Commander McBeardy expresses skepticism and wants to know how they’ll keep this from their “people” in “Gilead Proper” because after all if the people who Gilead proper isn’t super amazing for start trying to defect to diet Gilead, who will they have left to oppress and torture? Jlaw however reminds him that Gilead isn’t exactly free press friendly (RIP Globe reporters). I mean not to mention half their population gets body parts cut off for reading. And here I am skeptical, because while Jlaw certainly has a point about the press, if one of the intents was to reunite the new New Bethlehemites with family in Gilead… wouldn’t… people in Gilead proper come to know about it? Would they just be secretly kidnapping these people from Gilead and forcibly relocating them in NB? McBeardy is likewise still not convinced but Nick reminds him of the bullet he put in Putnam’s head lack of moral fortitude and the Commander changes his tune reeeal quick. He concedes, admitting he was hearing the “deceased Putnam” in his ears (I thought I heard “diseased” at first but my subtitles say deceased and honestly I guess either works), as our Gilead mafia duo walk smugly away.

Speaking of smug, for once Serena is not: sadly pumping in a not so private corner of the detention center visitors area (hm why does this look familiar?).

For, as we soon see, Mrs Alanis Wheeler arrives to (very reluctantly) pick up, because OF COURSE she’s stealing the baby fostering Noah while Serena's detained. Alanis talks about pregnancy hormones like they are something she knows about, while being the utmost amount of condescending and complaining about the baby she’s stolen (hi, Naomi!). She's doing the "crying it out" method on a one month old and I really don't know shit about babies but even I can tell that's not right. Such a warm woman, it's a wonder why little Noah cries so much! Serena is clearly too emotional and sentimental and weak minded to be a mother, though, because if there's anything newborn babies need it's discipline. Serena reminds Alanis (and us) that she's a big baddie who overthrew a country... but unfortunately she gave all that up to chase after June's baby, who she was trying to steal, who she's also completely forgotten about now that Noah has filled the baby sized hole in her womb. Back at the Bankhole/Osborne/Strand household, the three are scrubbing anti immigration graffiti off their sidewalk while the aforementioned mob of protesters obnoxiously parades by. I guess it only took a few years of US refugees streaming into their country, and for some reason being able to afford really nice houses in their crowded city, for Canadians to stop being polite, and start getting real. June very casually relates the task to scrubbing blood off the wall in Gilead (ya know, from the hanging dead bodies. Same same). Luke pretends like she didn't say that, and asks if they should just say fuck it and move to one of the 2 far away remaining US states or Europe as if the entire show hasn’t been about trying to get back their daughter who’s trapped just right over the border in a hellish regime, which June reminds him of (oh, right). But before this can go any further, she gets a surprise call from Mr. Commander Lawrence of all people (I wonder what he wants).

June meets JLaw for a lovely stroll along the waterfront while he rambles esoterically about his esoteric vision for Gilead and how it all went wrong because he underestimated the depravity of religious nutjobs (really, my guy? I thought you were supposed to be a mental giant or something but ok, maybe my bar is just skewed from having grown up Catholic). He gives her the New Bethlehem sales pitch, which she extremely side eyes until he claims she will be able to reunite with Hannah once she's "grown" (so like 14 I guess) and running her own household. At this point I have to be super skeptical, because for Jlaw to "bring Hannah to New Bethlehem" I assume her new husband, whoever he might be, would have to be OK with it (not to mention I can't imagine Cmdr. MacKenzie would just be super cool with it), so I' not sure if he just has that much confidence in his far-reaching power or he's bullshitting her to win her over, but I'm kind of leaning towards the latter. But he does know June's achilles heel. Seeming to miss the fact that Hannah would already be married off in this case, which is her #1 goal in trying to stop, she's just emotionally overwhelmed with the possibility of being able to be near Hannah. Lawrence reassures her of her safety by saying Nick has been helping with this pet project, he's been grooming Nick, not sexually (I mean clearly Nick is so attractive that it bears clarification). Luke is shockingly not so excited by this proposal. New Gilead Bethlehem is one place he does not want to move to (not that I blame him in this case). June argues that she would risk anything to be with Hannah again, "wouldn't you?" and Luke says "of course" but I mean he is also literally saying that he wouldn't, here, so it seems like a bit of a contradiction. He insists they focus on getting Hannah out, because that's worked so well so far, and June reminds him of what a fucking disappointment Tuello is (sorry, Mark!) and the uselessness of the entire remaining US government in general ("they're politicians, they don't give a shit about us"/"what has the American government done for us?"). He proceeds to call Jlaw a nazi and I was half expecting him to bring up June's "nazi" boyfriend as well but of course they dance silently around the topic of Nick as usual. The only thing I agree with Luke on here is that they should NOT take Nichole anywhere near those motherfuckers (or child fuckers, I guess). When Luke tries to egregiously mansplain June’s trauma and womanly emotions to her, it surprisingly doesn’t go over well. I'm also calling BS on his "I did that (turned Serena in) for you!", nah, my dude, you clearly did that for you. What also doesn't go over well is him saying "just let me protect you sometimes", but I very much appreciate that June and I seem to be on the same damn page here, because a second after I yelled "she doesn't fucking NEED your protection!!" at the tv (what, you don't do that??) she says basically the same thing to him. Amen, June. She doesn't need his protection, but Hannah does. Lawrence visits Serena in detention, and tells her he's generously "helped her" by convincing the Wheelers to let her return to her handmaid room in their house to nurse Noah. Lawrence talks about her breasts and then is done talking about her breasts. He reminds her the Wheelers have legal status to care for the baby, which I guess finally answers my question of their citizenship because they must (technically) be Canadian citizens then, not Gileadean, right? She still insists she will not "live in the same house as her child's kidnappers" which makes Lawrence correctly ask if she has an "irony deficiency" (I mean). At this point I think Serena does actually see what a flaming hypocrite she is but doesn’t give a fuck because she still thinks she's better than the hundreds of women she helped enslave as handmaids.

It’s nighttime and June is comforting an adorable little baby Nichole who is disturbed by the asshole protesters again. She sings her to sleep with a song she used to sing Hannah "let me be your mirror" and it's a very sweet moment (I didn't even notice the doll from Nick until others pointed it out but I love that attention to detail here). June softly tells a now peacefully sleeping Nichole that she wants her to know her big sister, that she would love her, and at this point I'm very much thinking about The Testaments, and I'm both sad about it and also kind of excited for it? I’m also kind of hoping they incorporate the song into the Testaments, as maybe a kind of vague hazy memory they both have. June wakes up the next morning still in Nichole's bed, hearing Luke and Tuello talking downstairs. She interrupts and Tuello tries to appeal to June's patriotism and sense of civic duty but she "not without my daughter”'s him. She continues to bully classified military information out of him but she's not happy with it. June has a heart-to-heart on the porch with Rita, who apparently has not actually dissipated into thin air after all. Rita tells her it would be crazy to consider going back but also that if her son was still alive, she would do anything and go to the ends of the earth to see him again. They have a touching moment of bonding and given how little we’ve seen of Rita this season I hope it’s not actually the last time we’ll see her.

June visits Serena (for a person with no friends she sure does seem to get a lot of visitors) to try and get more information on New Bethlehem. Interestingly, Serena knows that Lawrence has been pitching it "since the beginning" and it's been in the works for years, but she doesn't know much more. She says it seems he has more power than ever implying that maybe because of that he can actually make it work now, which is also interesting because he seemed very powerful, or at least revered, when we first met him, but I think back then he was probably trying to fly under the radar to protect Eleanor, now he's much more cavalier with blatant power moves since he has nothing left to lose except for his life (which he already thought was a goner after Angel's Flight) and his legacy (which ostensibly he is trying to save with this plan). Serena has her own agenda, though, she wants June to help her get out of detention and get her baby back. Really I'd think she'd have better luck trying her boyfriend Tuello, because June finally says what I think we were all hoping she would ever since last episode: "Serena, we are not FRIENDS". Serena, ever the narcissist, assumes June forgave her because she helped her and Noah, but June's like "actually I'm just a good person and a better Christian than you, bitch". June tells her to march her Viking ass back to the Wheelers scary mansion and gives her the 101 on how to be a vengeful, scheming handmaid, and it's pretty fucking delicious. She tells her "you can't help your child if you're not with them", clearly mirroring her own thoughts about Hannah and New Bethlehem. I like that there was kind of a mirroring and chain reaction of women and motherhood here: June asking Rita what she would do and then Serena asking what June would do, and it's different situations but basically the same answer. June walks away with new resolve and clarity, and pays a surprise visit to Lawrence, who appears to be at the Gilead embassy propaganda hub" information center" even though I thought it was supposed to be shut down, but maybe in the month that's passed they got the proper permits or whatever? She asks Lawrence to stop Hannah from getting married but hey, "Gilead's gonna Gilead". Not an acceptable answer, June does not want to stand by while her daughter is raped by someone twice her age, although honestly from what we've seen it's more likely to be 3 or 4 times her age (gag). She calls him out for being a sick fuck who created a world where women are abused and tortured, and in a rare moment of seriousness, he shows a glimpse of the full burden of guilt on his shoulders. If he'd known what would have happened he'd have just let the human race die out. He desperately tries to convince her of his plan working, not just to form the "utopia" of New Bethlehem, but for its more modern, liberal values to spread further into Gilead, making it a better, kinder, less murder-y, torture-y Gilead (in like 10-15 years). That's the thing, though. He seems desperate: for this to work, for it to not all have been for nothing, for Eleanor not to have died for nothing. I wonder if that will end up leading to his downfall.

Speaking of Eleanor, the next scene we see June out in her garden at night (her baby seedlings have graduated), and it reminded me of the scene in season 3 where June has to bury the killed Martha at night and sees Eleanor "gardening" in that spot the next day to help cover it up. She's looking up at the moon and thinking about Hannah, but then Luke interrupts her daydream to tell her she got a "package". Inside, they take a disc out of the mysterious envelope and I'm thinking 1) do people really still have disc drives on their laptops anymore?? and 2) I really wish we could tell whose handwriting that is on the envelope... It's a video of a line of girls at the wives school, and we see it zoom in on Hannah as she seems to notice someone filming, and stops for a second until her peers prompt her forward. I have to wonder who or what she’s seeing, as well as who sent the video. I at first assumed Lawrence as most logical(?) but if so he definitely shot his plan in the foot there (unless it’s part of a larger more devious scheme). Nick?? Will we ever know or is it just another mysterious plot device that will never be properly explained? Sigh.

June and Luke fight about New Bethlehem (again) and she lets out some resentment she must have held deep inside for a loong time:"What are you going to do? Same thing you've done for the last 7 years? Fucking NOTHING?" She immediately regrets it but while I think she was definitely sorry it came out in the way it did, I also think she still means it. And not even that she thinks Luke just happily sat on his hands; she knows that he did what he could, within his skills set and imagination. But she also knows from experience how useless, how in vain, that kind of action can be. And it was actually very refreshing to see her pissed at Luke for once, not deferential, or so careful of his feelings. While he is right that they could certainly be walking into danger with Jlaw’s proposal, that the minute they cross Gilead could put her on the wall, she's also right that his "I don't know, we'll figure it out" just isn't good enough any more. Luke's resentment comes out, too: "you stayed, you stayed for so many years!" , echoing him asking Moira in season 4: "did she choose this? She knew she'd probably never see us again". Which I feel like still comes from a place of ignorance and insecurity (and selfishness?) on his part. I mean, June literally passed up ONE opportunity to escape (end of s2 when she handed Nichole to Emily) and Nichole was born by then so "by choice" she "stayed" like 1 year max., but ok. I mean she tried to escape before while pregnant but got caught, and then she sacrificed herself to make Angel's flight even happen, if she didn't stay back as a distraction, none of them would have gotten away. June and Luke embrace at the end, after she breaks down, and they obviously have love for each other and always will for Hannah, but their relationship is clearly broken. Back at the NB gated community, Lawrence is now laying the sales pitch on Nick. Nick plays it close to the vest as always but he seems very skeptical. I don't think he wants June or Nichole anywhere near Gilead considering he's risked his life to get both of them out, and his number one priority is to keep them safe. He does not seem tempted by Jlaw's "sister wife" proposal. He wanted the beach in Maui with June and Nichole, not polygamy on this cold-ass beach in Gilead, damnit.

June and Luke have called Tuello about the Hannah video, and they're talking about metadata, and I'm thinking I really liking Tuello's contrasting clothing patterns here, when did he become such a fashionista, and then I'm thinking that I feel either really old or like an idiot or both because I have no fucking clue what metadata is. Data about itself? What does that even mean? How does one obtain a location from that? Was it included in the video on purpose so they could find the location? Or was it an unintended side effect? I still can't help but like Tuello even if he does have terrible taste in women and is kind of useless. Serena arrives back at her other prison the Wheelers, and is forced to suck up, much like June was in 2x04, except she’s not just been fully broken into a hopeless shell of herself, and she's still getting the extremely cushy version of being a handmaid.She’s putting on a contrite face to her wife and commander, but we can see how pissed she is by how tightly she’s clenching her hands behind her back.

Finally, after a quick and insincere "praise be!" (I think one of my favorite things in this show is actually when people say “praise be” as a “fuck you”), she hears her baby crying and runs up (all those) stairs, somehow not gasping for air, to find him being looked after by a sweet and lovely nanny, (so at least it's not just "cry-it-out" Alanis) who leaves him in her care. Serena has a beautiful, emotional reunion with Noah, who finally stops crying as she holds and breastfeeds him, certainly different from the scene where she tries to do that with Holly/Nichole back in the day (yikes, awkward, right?). Part of me wants to see what schemes Serena gets into as a handmaid-by-any-other-name but the bigger part of me would be extremely fine with her story line being at least much reduced, because as amazing of an actor Yvonne is, I really don’t think we need “The Handmaid Lite's Tale”. We get it, Serena is getting a taste of her own medicine, can she now just fade into obscurity?

June is super on edge waiting for Tuello to get back to them about the metadata (still don’t know what that means), and she excuses herself in the middle of dinner to go get apples for Nichole, because Nichole needs apples and they're out of apples, we don't have any apples, Moira! but she doesn't need help getting the apples. She's spacing out at the market, getting apples, when her phone rings and finally Tuello is on the line, miraculously telling her the news she's been dreaming of: the metadata(??) pulled through and they have the location of Hannah's school, and they're going to do a raid, they're going to get her out (you really can't actually hear that last part but I cheat and use the subtitles, so). June is overwhelmed, she is overjoyed, she is over these apples. She makes a mess and hugs the kindly grocer, before running giddily back down the street, full of hope and joy. And listen, I obviously know it was just a random excuse to get out of the house and keep busy but I also can't help thinking, "WAIT BUT NICHOLE NEEDS THOSE APPLES!" and honestly I have no idea why a toddler would need apples anyway (do they?? Do they even have strong enough teeth to eat apples? Apples are pretty hard. I told you I don't know shit about babies) and I don't know why I'm overthinking the apples this much, but still it kind of bothers me that she just completely abandons the apples the second she gets the news about Hannah and oh my god are the APPLES A METAPHOR??

Anyway, June arrives back at the house, much less breathless than I would be, having sprinted all that way (seriously, what is these women’s workout routine?) and tells Luke and Moira the amazing news. They're of course incredulous and overjoyed as well, jumping up and down in glee, and poor Mark FINALLY gets some love (geez, the poor guy's bound to have self esteem issues by now, right?).

The hopeful music swells as we cut to a beautiful preteen Hannah in another garden. It's not nighttime and the moon isn’t out but she is peacefully planting, looking up at the sky, and that still seems very a much a mirror to June earlier. The sound of jet engines roars in the background as we pan out to the birds eye view of the wives school yard, laid out in interlocking "U"'s. ** OK, I'll say it: god, could Luke have been any more condescending this episode? As much as he pissed me off, though, I was actually glad for their fighting, because at least it means they’re not skirting around the real issues anymore (well, except for Nick, I guess). It's so clear to me that the divide between them has been growing again ever since 5x06, with a distinct turning point coming at the end of 5x07, leading directly to their arguments here. He has tried to get on the same page as June, tried to understand her (and she's maybe tried...like, a little bit(?)... to see his perspective). But the fact is that despite their shared bond of their daughter, and as much as Luke hates what has and what could happen to Hannah, and that she's not there with them... I think at least a part of him has given up that they'll ever get her back. He never thought June would escape, probably never thought he'd have her back and be raising another child together. And even if he'll always mourn the loss of Hannah and feel guilty for not being able to protect her, it could be enough for him: to live a life with June and Nichole, move away, move on. But June will never be able to move on; not with Hannah in Gilead, her fate uncertain, married to god knows who. Nothing will ever be "enough" for her as long as Hannah isn't with her, or at least safe. Their arguments in this episode also speak greatly to their different experiences over these past years, which have informed how they now think and operate. Luke has been safe in Canada, though for the most part he's felt helpless here. Maybe at first hopeful that the Canadian government, or what's left of the US government, can do something, but growing more and more jaded of potential progress as time goes by. He's barely had any news or visibility on Hannah since she was taken at the age of 5, just a few photographs and what June relays to him. So I also think maybe Hannah, and the chance of getting her back, has become less and less concrete over the years, less and less of a possibility to him. June on the other hand, has actually seen Hannah multiple times, talked to her, even if the last time was traumatizing. She's been so close for years, which both makes Hannah, especially the current version, more real to June, and also makes June's guilt, and desperation, to save her even greater. But while Luke's sense of impotency probably grew as the bureaucratic avenue continued to fail, June actually found a greater strength she never knew she had in Gilead. Her will to survive, her burning anger and love for her child and then children formed her into a bolder, more empowered version of herself. She's achieved impossible things, or things that should have been impossible in Gilead: falling in love, having a healthy baby and getting her away to safety, getting 86 other children and 9 Martha's out, killing multiple commanders, getting out herself. So why shouldn't she keep believing, that no matter how crazy and impossible it may seem, that she can get Hannah out as well, and save her from the certain fate that awaits her in Gilead. More than that, she has to believe it, much like Lawrence has to believe he can make New Bethlehem a success and eventually reform all of Gilead. Also similar to Lawrence, she is desperate, and that can be dangerous, can cause a person to take serious chances despite the obvious risks. But I think that as long as she can be confident in Nichole's safety, she will risk her life and anything else for the chance of seeing Hannah safe as well. Like Lawrence, she feels like she will either see her mission to fruition, or die trying. And if this raid does not go as planned (which I don't think it will because you know why), even if June doesn't end up going to NB, I can't imagine that she and Luke can keep on like this. So we come full circle with the episode title, "Motherland". Lawrence of course refers to Gilead and New Bethlehem, specifically, as the "Motherland", which is interesting because considering the misogynist patriarchal bullshit that built it, you'd think he'd say "Fatherland". Whether it' Jlaw's nod to the fact that it's the mothers who are really doing the work in perpetuating the human race, or just PR lip service to June, the title also certainly speaks to the very specific and far-reaching territory of motherhood itself: as we see from June, and Rita, and even eventually Serena: a mother will never give up on her child, will risk her own freedom and safety to be with them (no matter who tells them they're being too emotional), and to protect them. It's perhaps the most powerful bond that can exist.

#the handmaid's tale #the handmaids tale season 5 #june osborne #nick blaine #osblaine #tht #tht s5 #Motherland #review #recap

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cattailhealing · 7 months

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A Hello

Time, I have often wanted to stop time. I needed more time. I needed time to be still. As we all know, time is far from still and moves differently for each person through their experiences. It is undoubtedly not forgiving and requires a lot of trust. In this need to be still, I wanted to commune with my dead ancestors since childhood, looking for their guidance and comfort. Wrote to them and sat with them. There was a space I could still be in, and it felt like time stood still.

Cattail Healing began in a bathtub, in a little house, with a whole lot of trust and love. Before that moment, though, I was deflated by my academic career. I took to art as a young adult because it filled my world with a way to make sense of my experiences and the world around me. I took to teaching because I wanted to bring that kind of healing into the classroom. To bring together body, mind, and spirit. Unfortunately, academia is not interested in that kind of time or philosophy. While performing this bathtub ritual, I felt utterly and totally held by my ancestors, grounding me and working through me in this healing ritual. I realized then my path was a healer’s path, but also that I didn’t know how to be what I was supposed to be in this world. I was guided to death work through the witch community at the former Catland Books. That is where I took my first course with Hannah Haddadi. Hannah holds a significant and special place in my rebirth cycle throughout 2023, for which I am eternally grateful to them. Through their Scared Death course, I felt so many scattered pieces of my childhood finally align.

I have known death from the tender age of 5, expected and brutally unexpected. I have seen the way people react to grief and death to the point it destroys relationships, bodies, and shared history. However, amongst all of that human messiness, I never felt alone. I felt held by knowing they were there with me, watching me and rooting for me. This connection to the dead is a core truth that has always been a part of me. Many times, in loving and unloving ways, I have called death a friend.

I stepped fully and intentionally into magic and witchcraft in 2017. While it was an interest before, it needed a foundation. I came to magic in the American South. It felt like a punch to the gut, calling for protection and understanding because of the land's energy and past. I strengthened my foundation by tending the tangled roots in my chest. This rebirth cycle of my life led me to feel crazy at times, and this experience heavily influenced my thesis work for my graduate degree. These callings later made sense as I began to uncover a forgotten side of my mother’s family line. A scream to “know me” rattled my head. My ancestral line has always been the key to my craft and growth as a witch. My craft is based in these midwestern and southern magic practices inside my respective lane.

With Cattail Healing, I aim to achieve a place where people can come without fear of judgment to start untangling the roots that might be bound in their chests from grief, loss, shame, and anxiety. Through the use of esoteric rituals and tools to tap into a deeper part of our human existence, there is a need to have marked passages through times of struggle, celebration, and resistance. As an American raised in the oppressive Western ideology, I have observed a decline in all three of these moments in our lives, especially as a queer person. The lack of these rituals is often experienced by those who don’t fit into the nuclear way of life. We usually only have a few unique or ritualistic moments in our lives that are shared with the community. What happens when we expand on these? That is the question at hand with Cattail Healing. Here, we refuse to believe the future is set in stone. That there is doom, that there is no potential to be the catalyst for a new and better future, an investment one might never see the returns on. This mindset of doom is often stifled through the survival mode most of us are living in, suppressed through stagnate grief.

Cattail Healing is not a place of a quick fix, as a quote that has stuck with me throughout my life is from the book Where the Red Fern Grows: you have to meet the intuition, the want, the emotion, the divine manifestation halfway, through almost always deep shadow work. When kudzu runs wild in your garden and home, it takes a lot of knowledge to pull it from the roots and constant tending to keep it at bay. Tending the tangled roots and confronting that hard-to-face part of ourselves is shadow work. A self-knowledge that can be used to look outward and grow our community.

Cattail Healing in the future is a place for radical community growth that can foster conversations of creativity so that we are resilient and adaptable in our grief.

I am so excited to be on this journey with you all and watch it unfold. Thank you to all my new and old friends who supported me this last year. Nothing in life can be done without friendship. And thank you to sacred death, who understood getting my heart broken would be the best thing ever to happen.

#Welcome #Deathworker #Death #grief #community #witchcraft #witches

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roseresearch · 1 year

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hannah baer essay on the religious roots of mental healthcare, via Jewish Currents

The cognitive behavioral therapists’ authority derives not from wisdom, presence, or mentorship with expert analysts, but rather from mastery of the operational structure of dysfunction. (…) In its formal elements, CBT resembles corporate HR more than sacred self-inquiry.

Something is perhaps lost when one sees oneself as a clinician rather than a spiritual teacher and healer, or as a patient rather than a member of a devotional community.

It would seem absurd to ask monks or rabbis to instruct others without having ever meditated or prayed, and yet, I’ve never once been asked to develop my own meditation practice before leading mindfulness exercises for patients. (…) Without more deeply engaging the sacredness of our work, psychotherapists risk becoming obsolete in the task of repairing the social and psychic wounds we are allegedly supposed to remedy.

A reevaluation of how we see mental illness is also necessary. Healing, as defined in typical clinical frameworks, often looks like productivity and compliance. Alternative definitions of thriving that emphasized spiritual rather than clinical modes would instead involve reducing alienation, increasing historical and political consciousness, and helping patients connect with sources of meaning that transcend shallow consumerist markers. This might include asking patients to consider questions about ancestry, the meanings of one’s life, and of course, community. It would likely include somatic therapies—largely siloed from psychology and psychiatry because of academic rigidity and the hegemony of the white, conservative American Psychiatric Association and its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual—that help repair the toll that oppression takes on peoples’ bodies and nervous systems. And, as many radical therapists started to argue in the ’60s and ’70s, it would likely involve significant time in groups, learning from shared exchange and collaboration. Freud allegedly believed that if we all received analysis, eventually one’s friends would be able to take on the role of the analyst and we could analyze each other, much in the way observant Jews studying together in yeshiva could understand and lay claim to ancestral teachings as a community.

Perhaps even more importantly, we must address how the values basis of our practice in the world today relates to structures of power that maintain the kinds of individual dysfunction our healing modalities supposedly treat. (…) Without understanding our history as practitioners—and users—of psychotherapy, and understanding our role in changing the future, we diminish our effectiveness in the interlocking tasks of collective healing and collective struggle.

#hannah baer

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hotfuss · 5 years

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fidgety brandon

#the killers #brandon flowers #ronnie vannucci #imploding the mirage era #itm era #itm interview #itm giffed interview #we are really so content starved this low quality video is worth being giffed #also to oppress hannah of course #post ww hiatus #post ww interview #post ww giffed interview #gold buttons black suit #tan shirt #my gif

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fatliberation · 4 years

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Here Are Some Fat Positive Activists, Educators, Therapists, and Artists to Know!

First and foremost, the pioneer of organized fat activism:

• Bill Fabrey (he/him)

Bill Fabrey, a self-proclaimed fat admirer, founded NAAFA (the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance) in 1969 after gaining an understanding of the day-to-day oppression and discrimination faced by his wife, Joyce. Fabrey founded the organization in hopes to raise awareness of weight stigma, criticize biased studies, and increase overall acceptance and accessibility to fat Americans. He is considered one of the pioneers of the fat liberation movement, and is heavily involved to this day.

• Judy Freespirit, Sara Fishman, Lynn McAfee, Ariana Manow, & Gudrun Fonfa (she/her for each)

(Members of The Fat Underground, 1979)

Fat, radical, feminist members of NAAFA! Their agenda was much more aggressive than NAAFA’s, and eventually they broke off and formed their own group called The Fat Underground, which acted as a catalyst in the creation and mobilization of the fat liberation movement. Based in LA in the 1970s, the Fat Underground did not fight to change discriminatory laws but rather discriminatory thoughts and practices in different aspects of society, which included those of doctors and other health professionals who perpetuated the unhealthy habits encouraged by diet culture. In 1973, Judy Freespirit and Alderbaran published the “Fat Liberation Manifesto” which establishes that fat people are entitled to what they were denied on a daily basis: “human respect and recognition.” The other objectives then outline the commercial exploitation of fat bodies by both corporations and scientific institutions. (x) I will go into more detail about the Fat Underground in my next post, “The History of Fat Activism!”

• Dr. Lindo Bacon (they/them), PhD

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Creator of the concept of HAES (Health At Every Size).

Dr. Bacon is best known for their paradigm-shifting research and advocacy upending the weight discourse. They have mined their deep academic proficiency, wide-ranging clinical expertise and own personal experience to write two best-selling books, Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight, and the co-authored Body Respect: What Conventional Health Books Get Wrong, Leave Out, or Just Plain Fail to Understand about Weight. Both are credited with transforming the weight discourse and inspiring a hopeful new course for the fat liberation movement. Dr. Bacon holds their PhD in physiology, as well as graduate degrees in psychology and exercise metabolism. Dr. Bacon formerly taught at City College of San Francisco, in the Health Education, Psychology, Women’s Studies, and Biology Departments. A professor and researcher, for almost two decades Dr. Bacon has taught courses in social justice, health, weight and nutrition; they have also conducted federally funded studies on health and weight and published in top scientific journals. Their research has been supported by grants from the United States Department of Agriculture and the National Institutes of Health. A truly great pioneer in medical health research!

https://lindobacon.com/ | HAES | IG

• Aubrey Gordon, a.k.a. Your Fat Friend (she/her)

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Aubrey Gordon writes about the social realities of life as a very fat person, previously publishing anonymously as Your Fat Friend. She is the author of What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Lit Hub, Vox, Gay Mag, and has been covered in outlets around the world. She also hosts the podcast Maintenance Phase, in which she and cohost Michael Hobbes debunk and decode wellness and weight loss trends. Her articles are incredibly heartfelt and enlightening. You can read all of them at www.yourfatfriend.com !!

@ yrfatfriend on IG & Twitter

• Sabrina Strings (she/her), PhD

Sabrina Strings is an associate professor of sociology at the University of California, Irvine and the author of Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia, which exposes fatphobia’s roots in anti-blackness. Strings contributed an opinion story to The New York Times titled “It’s Not Obesity. It’s Slavery.” With Lindo Bacon (creator of HAES), she coauthored “The Racist Roots of Fighting Obesity,” published in Scientific American. Strings has a BA in psychology and an MA and PHd in sociology. This book is #1 on my to-read list!!

https://www.sabrinastrings.com

• Hannah Fuhlendorf (she/her), MA LPCC NCC

Hannah is a highly educated and experienced counselor whose work focuses on self acceptance, eliminating the effects of internalized oppression, and practicing through a HAES lens. She is a fat liberationist who puts out educational videos daily. Hannah is also married to a healthcare professional, and the two of them are working toward making the medical field more accessible to fat people in their local community, and offering education on how to be fat allies. I really admire Hannah and the work that she does!

@ hannahtalksbodies on IG and TikTok

• Tracy Cox (she/her)

Tracy is an award-winning performer and artist, who co-created the web series “Angry Fat People” with Matthew Anchel, which takes a pop culture approach on serious issues faced by fat performers. She has been interviewed by the New York Times on fat politics and accessibility, and currently has a huge following on IG where she unpacks fat performance, fashion, and politics. You may know her as the creator of the ‘fat vanity’ trend on TikTok!

@ sparklejams on IG & TikTok

• Da’Shaun L. Harrison (they/them)

Da’Shaun is a non-binary abolitionist, community organizer, and writer. They are currently a managing editor and columnist at Wear Your Voice Magazine. They travel throughout the United States and abroad to speak at conferences, colleges, and lead workshops focused on Blackness, queerness, gender, class, religion, (dis)abilities, fatness, and the intersection at which they all meet. Da’Shaun is the author of the book Belly of the Beast: The Politics of Anti-Fatness as Anti-Blackness, which is expected to be published in July 2021. They have an incredibly enlightening social media presence as well!!

@ dashaunlh on IG and Twitter

• Lauren Buchness (she/her)

Lauren Buchness is one of my favorite artists. She’s a contemporary artist and fat activist based in Tucson, Arizona. By combining painting & performance, she aims to question Western standards of beauty and create conversations that alter preconceived notions about the fat body. Go check out her gorgeous work!!

@ ladybuchness on IG and TikTok

If you’re interested in learning about diet culture and intuitive eating, check out

Shana Minei Spence (she/her), MS RDN CDN

Shana is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist who opposes food restriction and encourages intuitive eating! She spreads food positive daily messages on her platform. She used to work in fashion, but she left after being dissatisfied with the industry and went back to school to become involved in food policy and public health. She offers counseling on a HAES approach. I have much respect for Shana!

@ thenutritiontea on IG

And right here on tumblr (who was my personal introduction to fat lib) -

@ bigfatscience !!!

An anonymous fat liberationist. They share so many great resources, diving head-first into the scientific research of weight and health, they’ve found that the relation between the two is extremely complex. They tackle the biases of research in a system that profits off of fatphobia, and they offer a fat positive perspective based on scientific studies. Their blog serves as an easily accessible resource for fat folx and fat activists who want to learn about fat positive science to support their own personal interests/activism. Thank you for your work, bigfatscience!! (if you have questions for them, you will have a greater chance of getting a response with anon off!)

• Sonalee Rashatwar (she/they), LCSW MEd

Sonalee is an award-winning clinical social worker, sex therapist, and grassroots organizer. They’re a superfat queer bisexual non-binary therapist and co-owner of Radical Therapy Center. Sonalee is specialized in treating sexual trauma, internalized fatphobia, immigrant kid guilt, and South Asian family systems, while offering fat positive sexual healthcare. Go, Sonalee!!

@ thefatsextherapist on IG

• Fat Rose (org)

Fat Rose organizes fat people, building a more radical fat liberation movement in strong relationship with other social movements, such as anti-fascism, anti-ableism, and anti-racism. Check them out on Facebook!

fatrose.org

Honorable IG mentions: (Some anti diet culture specific blogs in here, as well)

@fatangryblackgirl @msgigggles @thefatphobiaslayer @bodyimagewithbri @saucyewest @fatpositivetherapy @fatlippodcast @chairbreaker

BOOKS

And here’s an amazing list of fat-positive book recommendations from HannahTalksBodies!

Science & Health:

Health at Every Size by Lindo Bacon PhD

Body Respect by Lindo Bacon PhD and Lucy Aphramor PhD, RD

Secrets from the Eating Lab by Traci Mann PhD

Anti-Diet by Christy Harrison MPH, RD

Fat Liberation:

Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Strings PhD

Fat Activism by Dr. Charlotte Cooper

Fat Politics by J. Eric Oliver

The Fat Studies Reader by Esther Rothblum (Editor) and Sondra Solovay (Editor)

Fat Shame by Amy Erdman Farrell

Self Acceptance:

The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor

Things No One will Tell Fat Girls by Jes Baker

Eating in the Light of the Moon by Anita Johnson PhD

Happy Fat by Sofie Hagan

You have the Right to Remain Fat by Virgie Tovar

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to share this list of resources!

Image descriptions below.

1. [ID: A black and white photo of Bill Fabrey, a straight-sized, balding white man with thick black glasses wearing a suit and tie, standing at a poduim in front of a sign that reads, “NAAFA”. Beside the image is another photo of Fabrey, from his left side.]

2. [ID: A black and white photo of seven fat, female and gender non-conforming members of The Fat Underground, performing a recital.]

3. [ID: The cover of Sabrina Strings’ book, Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia. On the cover is an illustration of four upper-class white people in fancy colonial period clothing showing shock and disgust at a Black woman’s exposed body. Beside the book cover is a photo of Sabrina Strings, a straight-sized Black woman with dark brown curly hair wearing a blouse.]

4. [ID: Hannah Fulhendorf, a fat, white woman with straight hair dyed blue, wearing a black tank top and holding her shoulder while smiling brightly and looking into the camera.]

5. [ID: An artistic picture of Tracy Cox, a fat, white woman with long, straight brown hair, laying topless on a bed of flowers. There are flower petals placed strategically in her hair on her skin, and along her lower eyelid. Beside that image, is an image of the album cover for Angry Fat People, picturing two angry faces made out of white paper against a grey background. In the top left corner, black, bolded text that reads “AFP” and “FAT LIBERATION”.]

6. [ID: Da’Shaun L. Harrison, a fat, non-binary Black person with a beard, glasses, and long dreadlocks, wearing a shirt that reads, “TO BE VISIBLY QUEER IS TO CHOOSE YOUR HAPPINESS OVER YOUR SAFETY. -DA’SHAUN HARRISON” against a natural backdrop of autumn leaves.]

7. [ID: A watercolor painting by Lauren Buchness of a white and tattooed fat body, hands caressing abstract rolls of fat with wild blueberries and grapefruit between folds. Beside it is another Buchness watercolor painting of Black hands with long sharp nails, caressing the midsection of a fat Black body, with purple crystals growing out of the skin.]

8. [ID: Shana Minei Spence, a straight-sized, Black woman smiling with bright pink lipstick and her long wavy hair pulled back, wearing a floral pattern shirt and jean shorts. She is holding small marquee that reads, “BE CAREFUL OF WELLNESS COMPANIES THAT SAY THEY’RE PROMOTING HEALTH YET ARE STILL ONLY TRYING TO GET YOUR BODY SMALLER” and a heart symbol.]

9. [ID: Sonalee Rashatwar, a superfat, South Asian non-binary person with short black hair, wearing a long floral dress, standing in front of large glowing text that reads, “BIG GIRL ENERGY” against a coarse-textured wall.]

10. [ID: A circular logo with a red fist in the center, with text surrounding it that reads, “FATTIES AGAINST FASCISM” with roses separating the word “RESIST”. Beside it is another image, of eleven fat and superfat activists, standing and sitting on mobility scooters, holding fists and middle fingers in the air, wearing T-shirts and holding banners that both read, “FATTIES AGAINST FASCISM”. In front of the group is a large cardboard sign that spells the acronym “F.A.B.” which stands for “Fat Antifascist Brigade”.]

#fat activists #people #fat liberation #fat activism #fat positivity #resources #anti diet culture #anti-diet #anti-fatphobia #anti-racism #haes #masterpost

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sokayisaidiot · 4 years

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Why Tommy is one of THE BEST written characters in existence.

Alright, that’s it

Here I give you my fuckin Take on why Tommy is one of the best written characters out there and can easily compete with best-selling Novels like Percy Jackson and Harry Potter. I’m sick of a trashing that doesn’t even make sense. So buckle up. Here I will tell you why Tommy has one of the best written characters in history of Books and Movies. Remember, I write this all in my perspective and take many examples of other character books as well

Before this all starts, I will also talk about the main characters of some series, since Tommy has the reputation of being a “main” character.

When I look at the books I’ve read, I see a large range of characters and there way of making the story interesting.

Now, to establish a good character, we need key points of motivations, to make them relatable and bla bla blub:

Personality

Part of the story

Their Powers

Flaws

Relationships

Prized Possessions

History/the backstory

The moral and story the character tells

First tho, I want to explain some words I’m going to use here!

Mary Sue/Gary Stu:

Those are characters who are flawless, have missing chunks of personality and mostly one way written. They are easy to achieve when you are trying to make your character look badass.

Examples in some Fandoms are

· Rey Skywalker (Star Wars Sequels 7-9)

· Hermione Granger (Harry Potter Movies)

· Bella Swan (Twilight)

Tree-System:

Imagine a tree. You plant something small and soon you have something giant with many branches, roots and connections. You have the seed you plant and with caring and care you let it grow. Then you have somewhat a sapling. The tree grows with the care and soon you have a tree with many branches.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Personality

Negative:

Tommy’s personality is very brash and out of control = He’s barely containable in fights, going off to do his own risky plans and starting two or so fights. He can’t forgive a person very easily like Eret, who took it a long time to get forgiveness and Techno, as he shot Tubbo at the Festival. He makes decision that also cost his life like the duel because he hates losing

Tommy can be very lazy, giving the thought he wouldn’t have to do the hard work = Shown when he tries to steal the hearts of seas from Eret or potions from Techno, bargain with “drugs” by Puffy and Ponk or gives other people the work he doesn’t want to do like he did with getting cobblestone

Like a child, he often clings to close people and annoys others for attention = His desperate attempts to have company or someone praising him shows, when he tries to get Philza’s approval (or a pat on the back), constantly looking out, if Tubbo’s either okay or where his is,

He doesn’t like to wait or doing things in the long run = He constantly asks when something is finished, when they could go or in his exile, when he was allowed to go back to L’Manburg

He doesn’t show often his cooled down, scared and vulnerable side = He often overshadows his trauma with a facade of jokes and bad hidden hurt he brings out. When he talks about something bad, he’s clearly confused, not really knowing on how to understand it. Also he runs away from things he can’t control a panic attack like visiting the final control room or looking away from the holes in Logstedshire

He runs without head into a battle so often as possible = Only when they had their final showdown for the disc, Tommy was seen preparing in story, thinking it would be his last fight

---

Positive:

But as he has negative traits, his positive shows to many people clearly.

His unwavering loyalty to the closest of people = His loyalty to Tubbo, Wilbur And L’Manburg are, were and always will be a part of him. He stands against anyone who goes against that, even if it means pain in many ways.

Passionate about dear projects of his = You can see Tommy talking about his discs or see an video where he would spent days getting different discs. Those things are very known to be rare things, so for Tommy to possess it gives him somewhat power. L’Manburg was the same passion, even a bit more, as you can see he was ready to give up his most prized disk. The last and in the moment is his hotel

Bravery like no one makes him as one of the dangerous person on peoples hitlist = He stands up for others. He stood up to L’Manburg. He in the end didn’t care that he lost a life. When he sees a foe, he won’t stand down and submit, he will fight against the oppression and tell them that in the face. During the mission to get a visa, he stood against Schlatt, even if they were clearly in the loose of people and disadvantage. Or getting an apology of Sapnap for killing Niki’s fox. Fighting against 5 people with just one ally while the other is a hostage.

His leadership = There are not many people who can take it up, but Tommy is an exception. He can coordinate people with his loud voice and somewhat thought plans. He is charismatic, even if he’s not so good at it like Wilbur, he still can motivate people to fight for themselves or others. He’s seen to lead others into battle and taking in the fighting part a leading role

Unselfish. That’s one of the most arguable things about Tommy`s character = You can´t look at a kid and say he is selfish because he wants to get something dearly back. Especially Tommy, after he gave the things up, he cared about. But if something is happening again, he will lay it down to do the other thing. As seen by the egg, he had a hard time thinking what to do. He, in a long time, didn’t want to be catalyst for something to happen. Not when he in the moment could have stopped it. So doing this act for himself ones, was a good decisions, since they clearly weren’t ready for war

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part of the Story

Outside of the story:

Let’s all just get something “straight”. What would Dream SMP without Tommyinnit. Now. Don’t get me wrong. All the creators on the SMP are amazing. They are all wonderful and deserve every bit of Attention and fame they get. But just imagine.

We heard from Tubbo, he was the one, who got him into the SMP. Schlatt and Wilbur came because of a “visit”. Quackity was added because TOMMY said he was bored. And from that, we got somewhat of a tree system. As Tommy was invited and drawn into conflict by Sapnap (shoutout to best boy!), he got more people.

He also has the highest viewership and kind of shortest streams, since he is doing college next to Youtube and Streaming. He can’t give up his high viewers since all of those 200.000 (average) – closing 650.000 People (doing something like a big lore stream in prison or the disc final), choose to watch him.

Also a reminder again, Tommy has his storyline as does everyone else. When we saw Tommy and Techno during the partner up arc doing something with the dogs, they saw the start of the red vines arc BUT said they were on the wrong storyline. Tommy was asked by the eggpire writers if he wanted to be a part of the story and he said yes. Why do you think he nearly says nothing about the egg. He leaves it to the writers. Also, it was said by one of Wilbur’s Character descriptions, that Tommy was okay with others doing something with his character, while Techno was more reluctant with his.

Let me say it again, every creator is awesome and individual! Nobody should be compared to others. But with Tommy coming to the Dream SMP, there really was a change in the game.

Remember, that’s because we also have a BT (before Tommy) and AT (after Tommy) Timestamp in the wiki!

Inside of the story:

Now, with Sapnap, Alyssa, Ponk and Tommy in the first ever big conflict its shown the importance. People assume Tommy is one of the conflict bringers, even though he was dragged in it by having something stolen by Sapnap and then forced to fight with him, to get it back.

The Consequences he’s got where having his discs get stolen. This is what Tommy’s biggest character motivation was the first two seasons. Those discs are known on the server and when you think about gifting something to C!Tommy, it would be a disc.

Techno = Disc Wait

Badboyhalo = Disc Pigstep, Chirp

HBomb = Disc Pigstep, Wait

Tubbo = Stal

LazarBeam = Far

Tommy is a openminded boy who longs for funny little adventures and pranks, since he is just a young person. It’s in his nature.

So why, when he does something, are people looking on him?

Because the things he was and is a part of some of the biggest events. And him being so loud and brave and rash lets him stand out. If you look at the old (hah) Revolution of L’Manburg, who can you hear talking the most and the loudest? Tommy and Dream. They were the most outgoing about the war with Sapnap, Tubbo and Wilbur following. Fundy was more quieter (thankfully he has so much more lore now).

Tommy’s character is known to fall or be dragged head first in almost every conflict. He has connections to who? Mostly everybody. So of course he’s connected big parts to the stories.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Powers

Okay. Every “main” character or character with huge importance to the story has some kind of power. Looking at Dream, who is a “demigod” or Ranboo who I don’t even have to talk about. So what about Tommy?

Well. He doesn’t have any. Tommyinnit is one of the people, we get to have as an “human” character

Hannah = nature “Spirit”

Karl Jacobs = Timetraveller

Antfrost, Technoblade, Ranboo, Fundy = Hybrids

Dream = Something something green blob

Awesamdude, Puffy, Philza, Sapnap, Eret, Schlatt = Adding Features (wings, eyes, body parts)

Badboyhalo, Skeppy = completely different species apparently

Tommy has, as we know of the moment, a not confirmed power. The assumptions of the egg are not clear, since we haven’t seen those interact in a while. All we know is, Tommy didn’t get hurt, destroying a part and not feeling anything, while being in contact. That in canon considered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flaws

As talked before in personality and also in an assumption, we see the pattern of loyalty and brashness repeating.

Flaws are the most important parts of a character. It shows the struggle of their adventure and learning how to live with it.

Percy Jackson learned loyalty is nothing, if you don’t have someone to project it on.

Harry Potter and Luke Skywalker learned being a hot head didn’t really bring him forward and it’s important to have a plan

Frodo Beutlin learned that it is okay taking care of yourself and what attachment means

Anakin Skywalker learned fear is controllable and it shouldn’t be a remaining part of your life

Tommy learned over the time that his rashness could hurt others, loyalty couldn’t come back to him like he gave it out and he learns even more in the coming future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Relationships

Tommy’s relationships is a mess of strings. Some are badly knotted and some are very clear.

A characters connections is an important part for the character himself.

Relationships in life are

· Enemies(-figure)

· Rivals(-figure)

· Friends(-figure)

· Family(-figure)

· Lover(-figure)

· Complicated family(-figure)

· Complicated friend (-figure)

Relationships are a part of everyone’s life. Not with everybody is a good relationship holdable. Either it’s because their hurting each other or another person. People change and that’s a part of life.

Tommy realized, even tho it hurt, that Techno wasn’t good for his mental state and health. It went against everything Tommy ever stood for.

And Tommy and Tubbo’s relationship wasn’t really that broken. It’s normal for friends to fight. Normal for them hit their heads in. Tommy and Tubbo were surrounded with people who were, at the time, a terrible addition to their mental life.

The Dream SMP doesn’t talk it out, hell the talking club was just destroyed because they preferred fists over words. So why do you think everything is going out with a fight, if it’s all they learned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Priced Possessions

Every character has to something a connection.

Might it be Percy Jackson and his sword

Might it be Harry with his glasses, broomstick and wand

Frodo and his stupid ring

For Tommy we all know it’s his ender chest inside and secret chest. He keeps many belongings in his chests and always has been one for those things. He kept flowers, compasses, Friendship signs and most importantly, his discs.

The care for something of items are important. Might it be a teddy, old photo or jewelry. People get protective over it, because it holds sentimental value to the person.

If you ask me, to let go of my teddy bear, I will show you my middle finger. Probably beat you up too.

You can’t just throw out your memories into a fire or pit of lava. This is just showing you never had a care and everything you had a memory with it before would have been gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

History/Backstory

We don’t have much here, but still something to work with.

A Hero doesn’t have an easy live. And it’s an said thing that every Hero needs an origin Story.

Tommy, said not really anything about his past.

All we know is that Tommy didn’t have anyone, presumably an Orphan, he knew the sleepy bois already a long time ago and he never learned on how to ride a bike, saying he never really had a family.

Signs that he didn’t even leave half a good life are:

· his knowledge on stealing and preferring this over working for it

· Liking to live in weird spaces like carved out holes in sides of hills (his hobbit hole or the basement by Techno) or living in his tent over a hole house

· His liking of cobblestone and dirt, which are easy gettable blocks

· Holding his goodies and friends close to him

· Craving for attention or contact in general

And now for the part with the dream SMP.

We saw how it changed him. We saw his trauma and all the bad things that happened to him.

And that’s why we say his actions came from those past experiences and things. We are NOT excusing them, but showing. Past trauma CHANGES a person. It brings experience and a heavy amount of pain and anger. ESPECIALLY at a young age, you will change due to your experience in life. You will grow worried and anxious. Tommy did that. He grew more anxious, angry, scared and also experienced.

Stop saying trauma doesn’t explain it. Yes. It does. His lashing out came from his past and negative experience. Imagine growing up in a world where this is the norm. War and banishing. As well as death. Tommy has reasons why he is acting and does stuff.

Understand it. You don’t have to forgive him or anything. But understand it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The moral and the story the character tells us

When we see Tommy, we see a boy who went nearly through it all. Mental/Physical Abuse, Abandonment, War, Suicidal thoughts, betrayal, Death, etc…

He doesn’t show forgiveness for his abuser. Still has signs, that he fights with the past abuse, but he tells us a story of learning from past mistakes, that even in the darkest hours, there’s a way out. Things will, can and be ugly and those are dark hours, but in no way should you think that it’s over. Life is more than one way and can always turn into a new direction.

Life takes something old away from you. Life gives you something new. You lose someone, you find someone new. Friends can turn into enemies. Enemies can turn into friends. You can meet the weirdest people. You can meet the most amazing people. You can be alone and in the next second, you’re not. You will often lose, but you also can win if you give everything.

Life can be weird and that’s okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Fazit (that’s german)

The thing is, he is very real for many viewers such as myself. He acts like how many teenagers his age reacts.

He doesn’t be “baby”, because he shows the “ugly” sides of trauma. He shows that attachments are good and you shouldn’t forgive your abuser. In no way. He shows that acting out and lashing out are two things that happen, when you have been in wars for many times and nearly just know that.

He has many flaws and mistakes but those make him even more real. He is showing how he is growing.

As a person, friend, (pseudo-)family.

He is real to many of the viewer since he doesn’t have any powers that are existing in our world to solve their problems. He knows that nobody would have helped him and Tubbo against Dream if he didn’t pay others.

Also that you can’t be friends with everyone and that it’s okay that not everybody likes you.

Tommy´s character is the most human and realistic character in a way of how we would react. We are humans who are lashing out and who are having ugly sides.

And also please stop saying that, since I really can relate to Tommy and I don’t want to be feeling like a “bad-written Character”…

And Don’t even get me started on Tommy’s acting dude!

He is one of the best actors and that one livestreams! In from off 200.000 – 600.000 People!

On the face cam alone is so much to see…

· You can see his face with each emotion shifting,

· when something funnily weird happens, he looks dead eyes in the camera

The voice acting…

· His breathing,

· the stuttering in his voice,

· THE GODDAMN EMOTIONS IN HIS FACE

HIS MUSIC CHOICE!

· He changes the music fitting for the situations as in fighting scenes or funny moments.

· He also has some funny bits with his music.

· Like a goddam DJ!

The ingame character

· His movements and head stares

· The jumping around when he gets overactive

· Long stops when he thinks or is sad!

You can see, I am a person from Tumblr and saw way too much bullshit around tommys character.

Stop critiquing him so badly.

You could say, I woke up and chose violence

>:D

#tommyinnit #mcyt #dream smp #character analysis #dream smp character analysis

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jamlavender · 4 years

Text

Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss: Mrs Coulter, misogyny and the His Dark Materials TV show

The show went hard on misogyny as a vital part of Mrs Coulter’s backstory, and I want to talk about how they did it, and why, and how it might have been done better. This is quite long (when is anything I write not, let’s be real) so it’s under the cut. Read on for thoughts on women, power and fictional villainy.

As a quick disclaimer, though: I’ve enjoyed the show a lot! I’m so glad they made it! Ruth Wilson is mesmerising as Mrs Coulter! There’s so much to appreciate about the show overall, including many aspects of Mrs Coulter’s portrayal. But the HDM team have also made gender politics and misogyny very explicit themes of the show – particularly season two, particularly season two, episode five – and I think it’s fair to critique that.

Let’s be clear: Mrs Coulter is a villain. She murders kids by tearing out their souls. She kills and tortures friends and foes alike without a second thought. She abuses her daughter. She upholds and advances a totalitarian regime. She’s a Bad Person, as confirmed by God himself with the unforgettable line: “You are a cesspit of moral filth.” She’s fucking terrible, but, in life as in art, many of us are fascinated by how such awful people are made. What drives someone to commit atrocities? I am keen to see such questions examined in fiction, because I don’t think exploring a character necessarily means excusing their actions, and because it’s interesting (I mean, of course I find her fascinating, I’ve written a novel’s worth of fic about her). However, after a few snarky comments (“What sort of woman raised Father Graves, do you think?”) and some subtler commentary on sexuality, gender and power (her unsettling MacPhail with the key in the bra in S1E2), S2E5 drew a weird line between sexism in Mrs Coulter’s professional and academic life and her vast and senseless institutionalised child murder, and the longer I’ve sat with that the more I’m like: what the fuck?

Look, Mrs Coulter doesn’t tear apart children to search for sin inside them and poison Boreal and break a witch’s fingers because she’s experienced sexism in the workplace and in her education. That’s… a very odd thing to imply. We have to remember that there are lots of women in Lyra’s world, all of whom will also have experienced sexism, misogyny and other forms of marginalisation (many in more expansive and pernicious ways than Mrs Coulter, who’s a woman, yes, but also white, wealthy, highly educated and very thin and beautiful), and none of them are running arctic torture stations. She will have experienced misogyny, absolutely, and that will have affected her in various ways that inform how she approaches her work, but to imply that being denied a doctorate is the reason she became a sadistic killer is frankly bizarre. Here are a few of the lines from that episode with my commentary:

“Do you know who I could have been in this world?” What does this mean? If she’d been roughly the same person in our world, the answer is: Margaret Thatcher, which is probably a step down for Marisa, all things considered, because the Magisterium is far more autocratic than any recent Tory government and would be a much easier institutional environment in which to enact her cruelty. What we’re supposed to think, clearly, is that she’d have been a different person: a scientist and a mother, and she’s had this realisation because she saw a woman with a baby and a laptop and had a three-minute conversation with Mary. This doesn’t make sense. We live in our world! It’s less repressive than Lyra’s world but it’s hardly a gender utopia. If Mrs Coulter had chosen the scientist-and-mother life (which, as I’ll revisit later, she could have done in her world but chose not to because of her megalomaniac tendencies), she’d still have been affected by misogyny here too. Our world is not kind to young mothers, nor young women embroiled in scandals, nor is the world teeming with female physicists. It might be a little better, sure, but it’s hardly as if those gendered challenges would have been solved.

“What do you mean she runs a department?” This is just the show forgetting its own canon. Marisa, you ran a massive government organisation (the GOB), including a huge murder science research initiative in the Arctic. That’s a much bigger undertaking and much more impressive than running a university department in our world. Pull yourself together.

“But because I was a woman, I was denied a doctorate by the Magisterium.” This is the show flagrantly ignoring the source material to make a clumsy political point. In the books, there are women with doctorates (notably Hannah Relf, also a major player in the new Book of Dust trilogy) and at least one women’s college full of female scholars. Now, would that women’s college likely be underfunded and disrespected compared to the men’s colleges? Almost certainly. But saying that is different than saying “I couldn’t get my doctorate!” when women in Lyra’s world can. The show knew what point they wanted to make, and were willing to ignore canon to do so, which is frustrating. Also, given that there are female academics and scientists in Lyra’s world, and that Mrs Coulter is a member of St Sophia’s college, it’s clear that she could have lived that life if she so desired. But she didn’t want that, because being a scientist and academic at St Sophia’s imbues her with no real power, and that’s what she craves.

I’m not opposed, in theory, to exploring Mrs Coulter and misogyny in more depth, but I think doing so through an examination of the sexual politics of her life would have made a lot more narrative sense and been much more powerful. It’s better evidenced in the text – her using her sexuality to manipulate people and taking lovers for political sway is entirely canon, as is her backstory where genuine love and lust blew up her life – and it links much more closely with the most shocking of her villainy, which involves cutting out children’s dæmons to stop them developing “troublesome thoughts and feelings,” referencing sexual and romantic desire (and what Lyra and Will do to save Dust is clearly a big ‘fuck you’ to those aims). She even says this to MacPhail in TAS, “If you thought for one moment that I would release my daughter into the care - the care! - of a body of men with a feverish obsession with sexuality, men with dirty fingernails, reeking of ancient sweat, men whose furtive imaginations would crawl over her body like cockroaches - if you thought I would expose my child to that, my Lord President, you are more stupid than you take me for.” Don’t get me wrong, she’d have been a villain regardless, but I do believe that there’s a much stronger link between her sexual and romantic experiences and her murder work than between professional and academic stifling and child murder. It would have been a lot more interesting and a lot less tenuous.

However, the show is trying to be family-friendly, and digging into why this terrible, cruel woman might want to cut the ability for desire and love (and other non-sexual adult feelings, I’m sure) out of people could get dark. We know that the show doesn’t want to go there, because they’ve actively toned down her weaponising her sexuality: in the books, she has an established sexual relationship with Boreal, whereas the show made it seem like she’s been stringing him along all this time, and made it about potentially ‘sharing a life’ together rather than fucking, which was clearly the arrangement in the books. Also, I think Ruth Wilson said she and Ariyon Bakare filmed a “steamy scene” together, and given that only a single chaste kiss between them aired it must have been cut. I think they deliberately minimised the sexual elements of the text, particularly regarding Mrs Coulter (the mountain scene with Asriel, which I did still love, was also a lot less horny than in the book) and replaced that with another gender issue, that of professional sexism, as if the two are interchangeable, which they are not. This is a shame, both for Mrs Coulter’s character and also for the story as a whole, because the characters’ relationships with sex and desire are an important part of the books! (If this minimised sexuality approach means that they don’t use the TAS scene where Asriel threatens to gag her and she tries to goad him into doing it, I’ll scream). Overall, I think they missed the mark here, which is a shame because I also think it could have been done well, if they’d been bolder and darker and more thoughtful.

Why might this happen? Why might the show take this approach? Why might it be latched onto by viewers? Personally, I think the conversations we have about women and power are very simplistic, which leaves us in a tight spot when we see women seizing power for themselves (even in fiction) and weaponising that against others, not just other women but people of all genders, because we struggle to move past ‘women have overall been denied power, so them taking it ‘back’ is good,’ even if that immediately becomes a hot mess of white, corporate feminism and results in the ongoing oppression of many people. I think we are so hungry for representations of powerful women that we – producers and viewers alike – struggle to see them as bad, because it’s uncomfortable to be so intoxicated by Mrs Coulter effortlessly dominating the men around her, subverting systems designed to marginalise her for her own benefit, and generally being aggressive and intelligent and ruthless, and then realise that you are entranced by someone who is, objectively, a terrible, terrible person. It can be hard to realise that if you channelled the energy of someone who mesmerises you, you’d be the villain. So instead of sitting with that (more on this below), a lot of legwork goes into reworking her villainy into, somehow, a just act, a result of oppression, as her taking back power that has been denied to her, rather than grappling with the fact that for anyone to desire power in such a merciless way, even if they have to overcome marginalisation to get it, is really, really dangerous.

The joy, of course, is that Mrs Coulter is not real! She’s not real! Adoring fictional characters does not mean condoning their (imaginary) decisions, nor do stories exist for each person in them to fit neatly into a good or bad box so you know who you’re allowed to love. Furthermore, fiction can be a fabulous tool for exploring and interrogating the parts of yourself that, if left to bloom unexamined, might perpetuate beliefs or behaviour that cause harm to others. Mrs Coulter doesn’t need to be a feminist or taking down the patriarchy or a righteous powerful woman to illuminate things about gender, power and feminism for those reading and watching. In fact, it’s important that we explore what happens when women (most commonly white, wealthy women, as she is) continue to perpetuate brutal systems under the guise of sticking it to ‘men,’ because it happens all the time in the real world, and it’s a serious issue. Finding characters like Mrs Coulter so cool and compelling doesn’t make you a bad person, but it might tell you something about yourself – not that you want to be a villain or kill kids or whatever, but something about how you relate to your gender or women or men or power – and that knowledge can be useful! We all have better and worse impulses, and finding art that helps us make sense of ourselves, both the good and bad parts, is a gift that we should relish.

Anyway, tl;dr, Mrs Coulter doesn’t need to be sympathetic or understandable or redeemable to be brilliant – but you wouldn’t know that from how she’s been portrayed in the new adaptation.

#his dark materials #marisa coulter #my analysis #this might be controversial idk #more thoughts that no one asked for #hdm meta

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blackboxoffice · 3 years

Text

‘The Underground Railroad’ attempts to upend viewers’ notions of what it meant to be enslaved

by William Nash, Professor of American Studies and English and American Literatures, Middlebury

Above: Making the series changed Barry Jenkins’ views on how his ancestors should be described and depicted. Atsushi Nishijima/Amazon Studios

Speaking on NPR’s Fresh Air, Barry Jenkins, the director of “The Underground Railroad,” noted that “before making this show … I would have said I’m the descendant of enslaved Africans.”

“I think now that answer has evolved,” he continued. “I am the descendant of blacksmiths and midwives and herbalists and spiritualists.”

As a scholar interested in how modern representations of enslavement shape our understanding of the past, I am struck by the ways Jenkins seeks to change the way viewers think about – and talk about – Black American history.

In doing so, he takes the baton from scholars, activists and artists who have, for decades, attempted to shake up Americans’ understanding of slavery. Much of this work has centered on reimagining slaves not as objects who were acted upon, but as individuals who maintained identities and agency – however limited – despite their status as property.

Pushing the boundaries of language

In the past three decades there has been a movement among academics to find suitable terms to replace “slave” and “slavery.”

In the 1990s, a group of scholars asserted that “slave” was too limited a term – to label someone a “slave,” the argument went, emphasized the “thinghood” of all those held in slavery, rendering personal attributes apart from being owned invisible.

Attempting to emphasize that humanity, other scholars substituted “enslavement” for “slavery,” “enslaver” for “slave owner,” and “enslaved person” for “slave.” Following the principles of “people-first language”– such as using “incarcerated people” as opposed to “inmates” – the terminology asserts that the person in question is more than just the state of oppression imposed onto him or her.

Not everyone embraced this suggestion. In 2015, renowned slavery and Reconstruction historian Eric Foner wrote, “Slave is a familiar word and if it was good enough for Frederick Douglass and other abolitionists it is good enough for me.”

Despite such resistance, more and more academics recognized the limitations of the older, impersonal terminology and started to embrace “enslaved” and its variants.

The new language reached another pinnacle with the publication of The New York Times’ 1619 Project. In the opening essay, project editor Nikole Hannah-Jones eschews “slave” and “slavery,” using variants of “enslavement” throughout. However controversial the series may be, it is setting the terms of current discussions about enslavement.

“Enslaved person” – at least among people open to the idea that a fresh look at American chattel slavery necessitated new language – became the new normal.

What, then, to make of Barry Jenkins’ saying he wants to push past this terminology?

In that same NPR interview, Jenkins notes that “right now [Americans] are referring to [Black slaves] as enslaved, which I think is very honorable and worthy, but it takes the onus off of who they were and places it on what was done to them. And I want to get to what they did.”

I think that Jenkins is onto something important here. Whichever side you take in the ongoing terminology debate, both “slave” and “enslaved person” erase both personality and agency from the individuals being described. And this is the conundrum: The state of enslavement was, by definition, dehumanizing.

Above: Caesar, played by Aaron Pierre, and Cora, played by Thuso Mbedu, escape from the plantation where they were held as slaves in ‘The Underground Railroad.’ Kyle Kaplan/Amazon Studios

For artists, writers and thinkers it’s difficult to reflect on the dehumanization of masses of people without diminishing some of the characteristics that make them unique. And once you step onto that path, it’s a short journey to reducing the identity of the collective group – including their ancestors – to one that’s defined by their worst experiences.

Seeing slaves on screen

In some ways, because of the nature of their medium, filmmakers have fared better than their fellow artists at balancing the challenges of portraying the horrific experiences of enslaved people as a whole and elevating the particular experiences of enslaved individuals.

So where does Jenkins fit in the lineage of cinematic depictions of enslavement?

From the start, comparisons to “Roots” – the first miniseries about American chattel slavery – abound.

“Roots,” which appeared in 1977, was the first miniseries on American television to explore the experiences of slavery on multiple generations of one Black family. It also created powerful opportunities for interracial empathy. As critic Matt Zoller Seitz notes, for “many white viewers, the miniseries amounted to the first prolonged instance of not merely being asked to identify with cultural experiences that were alien to them, but to actually feel them.”

Some Americans might remember those eight consecutive nights in January 1977 when “Roots” first aired. It was a collective experience that started and shaped national conversations about slavery and American history.

By contrast, “The Underground Railroad” appears in an age replete with representations of enslavement. WGN’s underappreciated series “Underground,” the 2016 remake of “Roots,” 2020’s “The Good Lord Bird,” “Django Unchained,” “12 Years a Slave” and “Harriet” are just a handful of recent innovative portrayals of slavery.

The best of these series push viewers toward new ways of seeing enslavement and those who resisted it. “The Good Lord Bird,” for example, used humor to dismantle ossified perceptions of John Brown, the militant 19th-century abolitionist, and opened up new conversations about when using violence to resist oppression is justifiable.

A delicate dance between beauty and suffering

Looking at “The Underground Railroad,” I can see how and why Jenkins’ vision is so important in this moment.

In Jenkins’ films “Moonlight” and “If Beale Street Could Talk,” the director made a name for himself as an artist who can push past narrow, constraining visions of Black identity as one marked solely by suffering. His films are not free from pain, of course. But pain is not their dominant note. His Black worlds are places where beauty abounds, where the characters in the stories he tells experience vibrancy as well as desolation.

Jenkins brings that sensibility to “The Underground Railroad” as well.

Critics have commented on how Jenkins uses the landscape to achieve this beauty. I was struck by how the sun-soaked fields of an Indiana farm create a perfectly fitting backdrop for the rejuvenating love Cora finds there with Royal.

In “The Underground Railroad,” slavery – for all its horrors – exists in an environment nonetheless imbued with beauty. The curtain of Cora’s vacant cabin flapping in the breeze and framed by the rough timbers of the slave quarters evokes the paintings of Jacob Lawrence.

Above: Barry Jenkins’ Black worlds are places where beauty abounds. Atsushi Nishijima/Amazon Studios

In other scenes, Jenkins juxtaposes radically different landscapes and actions to emphasize the complexity of these characters’ experiences. For example, Cora works as an actor at a museum, where she plays an “African savage” for visitors; in one scene, she changes out of the costume and into an elegant yellow dress. Walking the clean, orderly streets of Griffin, South Carolina, she transforms into a picture of middle-class propriety.

Scenes portraying the manners and reading lessons offered by the faculty of the Tuskegee-style institute where Cora and other fugitives find shelter demonstrate the allure of these middle-class values. On first glance, it all appears promising. Only later, when Cora’s pushed by her mentor to undergo forced sterilization, does it become apparent that she’s landed in a horror show.

These vignettes are but a few examples of the thoroughgoing power of Jenkins’ aesthetic. Every episode yields moments of beauty. And yet at the flip of a switch, serenity can devolve into savagery.

Living with the recognition that calm can instantly and unexpectedly become carnage is part of the human condition. Jenkins reminds viewers that for Black Americans – both then and now – this prospective peril can be particularly pronounced.

#film #tv streaming #television #amazon studios #african americans #african american history #slavery #enslavement #underground railroad #featured #thoughts

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mariaiscrafting · 3 years

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Reading from your own post that you reblogged and seeing the sexism stuff makes me realized mcytwitter hasn't lear yet. Idk if you know but the reason some cc are coming is after a situation where Hannah got harrassed. She tweeted that blatant hate and death threats doesn't excuse you if you put a /neg at the end. And Twitter twisted into saying she's ableist for the whole /neg conotation even if that wasn't the point of her Tweet. They trended Hannah /neg while doing the same exact same thing she said and saying some nastie stuff with the /neg at the end and that was the snapping point for some creators.

But the stuff some users were saying was clearly misogynistic it was surreal

Usually, I'd go find context for this kind of Twitter drama summary before weighing in, but considering that I don't have a Twitter account and also that this sounds pretty par for the course for mcyttwt, I'll believe you.

It's surreal to me because, even when people aren't openly using misogynistic threats/slurs/tropes/rhetoric, they're always so misogynistic about their hatred towards female CCs, esp WOC. The fact that people don't understand all these pressures female CCs have based on the stigma, prejudice, etc., they have to face within their fields and from their fans, is ridiculous. It's such an ingrained- and imo, obvious -thing that you'd think Twitter would eventually learn. Like, it's not just a coincidence that CCs that belong to marginalized groups have to be more careful about their language, are readily attacked rather than readily defended, net lower view counts for objectively similar content, etc. All of this has to do with societal bias against them for those marginalized identities. That is oppression in the 21st century 101, for fuck's sake, and people still don't get it. It just makes me so tired.

Anyways, I hope Hannah's doing okay, despite the Twitter shitstorm. CCs don't fucking deserve the Twitter shit. And that includes the CCs that reap the positive benefits of Twitter being a mindless mob that can't grasp the slightest bits of nuance (*cough* green bastard *cough*)

#asks #mcyt #discourse #mcyttwt #hannahxxrose #twitter #twitter tw #uhhhhhh what else #misogyny #sexism #/neg

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thirteen-abalone · 4 years

Text

For the Boy Seer

Thanks to Hannah Lavender for the official Jonnit portrait!

Jonnit playlist for Jonnit week! Been working on this one a while, but finally got enough tracks with help from the Campaign discord!

Link to the spotify playlist

Dust Bowl Dance (Mumford and Sons)

A young man out to seek his destiny, right wrongs, and also he’s got a gun!

Well you are my accuser, now look in my face/Your oppression reeks of your greed and disgrace

Second Child, Restless Child (The Oh Hellos)

I mean, big younger brother energy

You've got to go on, further than you've ever gone/You've got to run far from all you've ever known

The Captain (Biffy Clyro)

At the end of the day, it’s about the people helping you, even when you’ve got Big Protagonist Energy.

Help me be captain of/Our crippled disguises

(bonus lyric) Let’s love death away

Theseus (The Oh Hellos)

Jonnit’s come so far, and he’s got so far left to go. :)

Ain't nothing come easy/No, nothing comes quick/It's gonna hurt like hell to become well

Zephyrus (The Oh Hellos)

A song about heroes, existentialism, and healing? Of course it’s a Jonnit song!

I wanna spin something out of nothing/lead to gold/spring to winter/story from moted sky

Ship in a Bottle (Steffan Argus)

The world is big and confusing, but sink into yourself and you will find a captain!

Everything you have learned is a ship/With blue waves crashing into it

Stronger (Finding Neverland OST)

We don’t see it on screen, but Jonnit didn’t fit seamlessly into the Uhuru crew. It took work.

I’ve got to be stronger/Reach up higher/Must dig deeper/Find the fire

Wonders (SJ Tucker)

Every child who goes adventuring sings some version of this song

It's the wonders that I'm after/Even if I have to bleed

Constellations (King No-One)

Song for an ambitious Starwatcher.

All these constellations/Forming in my mind

#skyjacks #jonnit week 2021 #jonnit kessler #spotify

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benevolentbirdgal · 4 years

Text

A guide to 13 Jewish holidays / Jewish Writing Advice

Depending on how you want to count, there are theoretically 47 Jewish holidays, assuming you count all minor, major, and modern celebrations, both minor and major fasts, special shabbats, and each Rosh Chodesh (new month) individually. Since that post would be A) neverending, B) probably not useful in its entirety here, and C) really not applicable to most Jews you meet or write, I’m going to tell you about 13 celebrations (12 holidays plus the category of Rosh Chodesh and the category of special Shabbats), which will be plenty long enough. Maybe I’ll write a super-niche passionate post about the minor fasts or modern holidays later, but today is not that day.

Usual disclaimers: I’m one me. The Jewish community is 14 million and super diverse. These are broad strokes and local tradition may vary. I operate from an American context and communal gathering/food sharing practices come from the Before Times (in some cases, the long before now times).

I’m going to go in the order of the Jewish calendar, instead of likelihood of celebration, and note the most popular ones as I go. Three general notes as well: I will be using the most common transliteration/translation of the Hebrew names, Jewish holidays (and days in general) start at sunset and operate on a separate calendar that fluctuates relative to the secular Gregorian calendar. The Hebrew dates are listed with the months they generally fall in on the Gregorian calendar. Holidays marked with an * will likely merit their own list at some point.

Additionally, how long many holidays last also varies depending on location. For some holidays (NOT fasts), diaspora (outside Israel) Jews celebrate an extra day for Jewish-diaspora-is-complicated-story-for-another-time reasons. I will note these holidays.

*Rosh HaShanah (Tishrei 1, September-October): Jewish new year (well, one of four, but for the purposes of our discussion today, the Jewish new year). 1a. Typically celebrated by synagogue attendance, consumption of foods that are sweet and/or round (or have heads, like fish heads). Longer services than normal Saturday morning services but not by much, even when combined with regular Shabbat services. Big time to gather with families for a large meal. 1b. Lots of blowing of shofars at specific times, shofars, which are cleaned and sometimes painted ceremonial ram’s horns (we’re operating on 1200 B.C.E. tech here). Some of us are very good at blowing the shofar. Some of us are assuredly not. 1c. One of the most common holidays to celebrate, part of the “High Holidays.” If your character is remotely observant or has a very Jewish family, they celebrate this holiday. 1d. One day in Israel, two in the diaspora.

Yom Kippur (Tishrei 10, September-October): The second holiday in the “High Holidays.” Yom Kippur is ten days after Rosh HaShanah, known as the “Days of Awe” (or the “Days of Repentance”). The Days of Awe, outside of orthodoxy and people who do prayers every day, aren’t really celebrated outside of asking people for forgiveness and tashlich (throwing away sins by yeeting small pieces of bread or other small foodstuffs into a pond). 2a. Yom Kippur is a 25 hour fast. Fasting on Yom Kippur means the following: No food. No water. Medication is typically okay (and most denominations are 100% okay with food/water necessary to accompany medication). No sex. This is usually extended to no sexual contact in general. No wearing of leather. You’ll see a lot of sneakers on Yom Kippur. No perfumes or lotions. Bathing/washing. This one is the one most people ditch. 2b. Jewish “adults” who are not health-impaired are expected to fast. Pregnant women, sick people, and the elderly explicitly get a choice and most of the former two do not fast. Lots of old folks do and have very strong opinions about it (I fast, but have gotten second-hand awkward watching a healthy 23-year-old explain why they aren’t doing so to an 89 year old survivor who is). There are young/healthy/not pregnant people who choose not to fast, but this is generally frowned upon. 2c. One day holiday regardless of location. Starts at beginning of sunset one day and ends at complete darkness (ideally with three stars in the sky) the next. Fasts are typically broken as a group over a large meal. 2d. It’s very likely that your Jewish character “celebrates” Yom Kippur and whether they fast or not is likely a point of contention with their family. 2e. There are a bunch of different services and they are usually heinously long. 2f. Shofars are also super important here. 2g. Wearing white is traditional in many communities. 2h. Napping is a popular way to pass the time, especially among less traditionally observant Jews.

*Sukkot (Tishrei 15-22, September-October): The Festival of Booths, basically the Jewish Harvest Festival. 3a. Fairly common to celebrate but not as much as the High Holidays, Passover, or Hannukah. 3b. Celebrated by building a Sukkah, which is an at-least-three-sided TEMPORARY structure with a natural roof (corn, leaves, bamboo) that you can see the stars through. People will eat and sleep in the Sukkah, and go “Sukkah hopping” to visit other families’ Sukkahs. 3c. In addition to regular guests, there is kabbalah and traditional mysticism that the a different guest from Jewish history will join you in the Sukkah each night, known as the Ushpizin. The Ushpizin Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Aaron, Joseph and David) are all male, and in the 20th century some Jews began the custom of honoring Ushpizot (female guests as well, adding Sarah, Miriam, Deborah, Hannah, Abigail, Hulda, and Esther (although some obscure lists of Ushpizot date back to the 15th century). 3d. Your Jewish character may not have a Sukkah. Their temple will have a communal one. 3e. It is customary to shake a lulav and etrog, also known as the four species. Three leaves and a citrus from specific plants are held together and shook in all six directions after the recitation of a prayer. I like to call this shake-the-plant, but it actually has a ton of different spiritual meanings traditionally ascribed to it. There is also a processional in synagogue with the lulav and etrog.

Shmeni Atzeret (Tishrei 22, September-October): In Israel, the one day after Sukkot and in the diaspora the last day of Sukkot and the day after. There are some extra prayers and it marks a seasonal shift in prayers pertaining to rain. Unless your character is particularly religious/observant, they aren’t going to do anything extra. This holiday’s functions were mostly relevant during the Temple Periods in ancient Israel.

*Simchat Torah (Tishrei 23, September-October): Simchat Torah celebrates the restarting of the Torah-reading cycle and overlaps with the second day of Shmeni Atzeret where there is a second day. Unlike in some other faiths where the congregation or leader generally chooses the text of the day, Jewish congregations are bound by the Parsha (portion) of the week for formal services/readings (as opposed to other forms of study). The 54 parshas are read over the course of the Jewish year, and the resetting of that cycle is Simchat Torah. In synagogues during services readings from from Torahs, which are large, heavy, physical scrolls. This is relevant during Simchat Torah particularly. 5a. Two days in the diaspora, one day in Israel. Intermediate level popularity. 5b. Seven hakafot (professionals) are performed by dancing around the synagogue while members alternate carrying the Torah. This is considered an honor. Simchat Torah is usually the only day all the Torahs are brought out (or at least the ones that are in good enough shape to be carried). Dancing is mixed outside of orthodoxy and separated within orthodoxy. Only Jewish adults are permitted to carry the Torah. Outside of orthodoxy this includes both men and women. Within some orthodox congregations, women-only circles will also include Torahs in their dancing. 5c. There are also smaller not-Torah-but-still-Holy scrolls and Torah-shaped-stuffies that children will sometimes carry and dance with. 5d. After the dancing, the final parsha is read aloud. This is the only time we read Torah at night (from the physical object Torah - we read books of the Torah in other forms at any hour). The scroll is then rolled back all the way to the first reading. Reading the first or last reading is a great honor.

*Hanukkah (Kislev 25 - Tevet 2, November-December): Hannukah celebrates the victory of the Maccabees over the political and cultural oppression of the ancient Greeks in the 160s B.C.E. After the victory of the priestly-class-turned-warrior-bros over their oppressors, the Maccabees found the Temple seriously wrecked, both on a physical and spiritual level. They wanted to rededicate the temple, but only found one itty-bitty little jar of oil for the Menorah (seven-branched candelabra in the Temple), enough for one day. They figured it was better than nothing, and immediately sent out for more oil, which took eight days. That was the miracle of the lights, and where the Hanukiyah (eight-branched variant of the Menorah) comes from since the oil for one day lasted eight. 6a. Hanukkah is an immensely popular eight day festival. 6b. Religiously, Hanukkah actually isn’t super important. Religiously-significant practices for the holiday are lighting a Hannukiyah, telling the story of Hanukkah, and eating greasy foods. 6c. There are approximately a shabillion ways to spell Hanukkah, it’s not just you. There are actually only two acceptable (really only one 100%) Hebrew spellings but transliteration is a bitch sometimes. 6d. Although not “Jewish Christmas” gifts on Hanukkah are a thing because of the proximity to Christmas. Hanukkah gifts as they now are are really a 1950s-forward thing because Jewish kids were starting to have Christian friends en-masse who were getting Christmas gifts at the same time a lot of the U.S. was experiencing an economic boom. Purim is actually the traditional gifting holiday. 6e. Related: Hanukkah parties are very popular, but much more cultural than religious. 6f. Dreidels have a weird AF history and their dubious origins (and half-dozen possible theories) truly merit their own post. In the U.S. they are played with chocolate coins or other not-money, elsewhere children frequently use their local equivalent of pennies instead.

Tu Bishvat (Shevat 15, February-March): The Jewish new year/birthday of the trees. Functions like a Jewish Earth day - planting trees is popular. Fresh fruits are consumed in celebration of what trees give us. Some more religious families also do a ceremonial meal, a Tu Bishvat seder, but most Jews don’t.

*Purim (Adar 14, February-March): Purim, an immensely popular holiday celebrates the survival of the Jews during the first exile period in the ancient kingdom of Persia. The text celebrates the strength of our community and the chutzpah of a Jewish woman, and is usually celebrated in practice like Jewish Halloween. 8a. The story really merits its own post, but the short of it is because shenanigans, antisemites, and booze-hound kings a Jewish lady named Hadassah became queen (hiding her Jewish identity and taking the Esther to do so), the king’s head advisor Haman wanted to kill-the-Jews-tm, Esther was able to prevent it by convincing the king that the Jews should be able to fight back, the Jews did so and won, Haman was executed, and Esther’s cousin/bestie Mordechai became the new advisor. [really, the full story is Hollywood-level drama, another post to come.] 8b. Communities gather together to do communal readings of the book of Esther (in Hebrew or the lingua franca), it’s only about 10 chapters and takes an hour or two. The megillah is read once in the night and once in the day. Technically there are several megillahs for different books/holidays, but Jews are usually referring to Megalilat Esther (the book of Esther) when they say the megillah, definitely so on Purim. 8c. Costumes are donned by adults and children alike, both inspired by the story and otherwise. This is in honor of the hiddenness in the story (with both Esther and some other stuff we don’t have time for today). Synagogues often hold costume contests as a small break between chapters. 8d. Readings get ROWDY. It’s customary to boo and make noise using little noisemakers when Haman’s name is said aloud, as with the names of his also Jew-hating sons (which are traditionally said in one breath). There are also certain lines of the megillah read out loud together. 8e. It is a mizvah to give gifts (typically of food) to friends as well as to charity on Purim (two separate mitzvahs). 8f. It’s also a mitzvah to have a big special meal. 8g. It’s a common misconception that it’s a mitzvah to get so lit on Purim you can’t tell the difference between Haman the wicked and Mordechai the blessed. It’s not a Mitzvah, but there is some commentary in the Talmud saying that, so while not a commandment, “get lit to honor the party king goy who vouched for us and also because Jewish history requires drinking sometimes” is a historically-rooted take. Consequently, it’s very popular to drink a lot on Purim. 8h. Purim is, for all of the above, immensely popular with both children and adults despite being dark AF. 8i. Purim is the last holiday in the Torah itself (Hannukah is after). 8j. Purim is a one-day holiday unless you’re in a walled city (long story).

*Passover (Nissan 15-22, March-April): Arguably the most important holiday, theologically. Passover celebrates the Exodus from Egypt. 9a. Families gather for Seders on the first night (Israel) and second night (Diaspora). The holiday is 7/8 days long and one of the most common to celebrate. In normal years it’s common for families to travel to have large gatherings together. 9b. In addition to regular kosher laws, “chametz” (basically leavened bread and bread-like things and most foods that bring joy). There are five grains that can make chametz, wheat, rye, barley, oats, and spelt. Some communities historically forbade other foods that could be mistaken for chametz, like the Ashkenazi forbiddance of kitanyot (legumes, rice, corn, certain seeds), although that was revoked/voted on to be not an official custom by nonorthodox denominations in the late 20th and early 21st centuries. 9c. Seders are ceremonial meals with 15 steps, including the actual meal itself. The quickest Seders run maybe an hour plus the meal. The longest can run upwards of 6-8, depending on the denomination, family, and customs. It almost goes without saying that there’s a lot of food and wine involved. 9d. In addition to be prohibited for consumption, Chametz cannot be possessed or consumed on Passover, so Jews clean out their houses of Chametz, and temporarily sell it to a gentile friend or family member for the duration of the holiday. 9e. Passover-specific hanger is very real, especially after the post-Seder food-coma wears off. Especially if you already have dietary restrictions and can’t just do a meat-fast. 9f. During the Seder, the story of Passover is gradually told from Moses to the plagues to the Exodus itself. It is a fairly interactive telling/ceremony and the specific rituals to different parts of the Seder merit their own post. 9g. Synagogues also hold Seders, but at-home ones are very common. Whose home to go to for the Seder is often a very political choice.

Lag BaOmer (Iyyar 18 for Ashkenazi, Iyyar 19 for Sephardi, May): The counting of the Omer is from the second day of Passover to Shavout. Passover is the leave from Egypt, Shavout is the getting of the Torah, the Omer is the in-between time. There are a bunch of restrictions during the Omer for long-story reasons, but haircuts, shaving, listening to instrumental music, weddings, parties, and dinners with dancing are forbidden during the Omer. Lag BaOmer, the 33rd day of this count, is the exception. 10a. Consequently, for Jews who are abstaining from the aforementioned things, Lag BaOmer is popular to do those things. 10b. Many Jewish schools and synagogues will have counting activities for kids and prizes if they can count all the way to Shavuot on their sticker chart or equivalent. 10c. One day regardless of location. 10d. Bonfires are a super popular activity, usually accompanied by feasts. 10e. Not as popular as some others.

Shavout (Sivan 6, May-June): Shavout celebrates the day Moses came down with the Torah and when the ancient Israelites in the desert formally chose to enter their covenant with God at Mount Sinai. It was also celebrated as an additional harvest festival in ancient times. 11a. Two days in the diaspora, one day in Israel. 11b. The “dairy holiday” because the Jews didn’t have any kosher meat and had just received the laws, including kosher. 12c. The book of Ruth is read on Shavout. There are several possible explanations, but the most popular is that she choose to be Jewish, just as the Jews did at Sinai. 12d. Torah studying all-nighters are traditional. 12e. Not as popular as some other holidays.

Rosh Chodesh (varies, 1st of every Hebrew month): There are 12 Hebrew months, except for leap years which have a second Adar. The first day of each month is known as Rosh Chodesh. It is unlikely your Jewish character does anything for it, unless they’re very religious, work at a synagogue, happen to be at shul anyways for another reason, or go to a Jewish school. If any of those are true, their prayers will have extra prayers (especially on Shabbat or another holiday). 12a. Rosh Chodeshes are traditionally women’s time/a moment set aside to honor women.

Special Shabbats (varies): There are eight special Shabbats scattered around the year right before or after a big holiday. Services are longer and special prayers are added, but unless your character goes to shul or is in another circumstance where they pray consistently, they likely won’t know/care/notice.

Some of these topics are also totally their own posts, but this is a general overview of the most important/common holidays and already super long!

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anotheronechicagobog · 4 years

Text

Bulletproofness and Playing God Jay Halstead x reader

written by: @anotheronechicagobog

requested by @confusedpimp, I hope you like it!

warnings: swearing, addiction, Hannah Asher is NOT porprayed well in this you have been warned, malpractice, emergency c-section complications, involves Chicago Med episode ‘Do No Harm’, police being idiots and assholes, warrants served incorrectly, drugs, drug dealers, bad neighbourhood created by systematic oppression and gentrification, Will is a prick with issues, and canon compliant violence

A/N: I am very sympathetic and supportive of people who have addictions because not only are there a tone of genetic factors that weigh in on it, but environmental factors that most people have very little to no control over. That being said, I am strongly against people with addictions working in healthcare, first responding, and/or law enforcement who spend most of their time with vulnerable people who don’t have much of a choice about whether to trust them or not. If someone works in an area where they have someone’s life in their hands they cannot be addicted to a substance that will control their ability to make judgements, affect how/their ability to work, and function as a whole.

In the past eight months, a warrant has been served to your apartment twenty-one times. You haven’t done anything wrong, the name on the warrants was always for your upstairs neighbour, did this make being woken up and the fucking crack of dawn and being interrogated (sometimes arrested) any easier? Not even a fucking bit. So you weren’t surprised when at 3:28 am, your door was busted open (again), heard shouts of “Chicago PD!” (again), and heard your house being “cleared” (again). You groaned and sat up, holding your hands up. Your bedroom door was thrown open with a bang. “I am unarmed, Marcus Evans lives in the apartment upstairs, and I have no association to him.” In the blandest voice possible, you recited the statement the legal aid at your university wrote you. “Uh... Sorry? Hey, Sarg, I think I’ve figured out why there were so many unsuccessful warrants on this place.” The blonde man was still pointing a gun at your head, but more members of his unit came to surround him.

“Can I put my hands down now? I have documents that prove I am innocent, that the warrant was served to the wrong address, again, and that the only connection I have to Marcus Evans is that he is my annoying upstairs neighbour.”

They all sheepishly looked at you. The Latina woman spoke up, “the apartment is clear of anything even remotely illegal. Well, aside from the power lines attached to her box outside that show that her neighbours have been stealing power and internet from her.”

‘Sarg’, an older man with silver hair with a surprised look on his face nodded. “Alright, put ‘em down and get us the papers.”

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Despite all the evidence that the warrant wasn’t meant for you, they still insisted on taking you down to the station. You refused since they couldn’t arrest you and had no grounds to hold you on, and Sergeant Voight did not like that. “I’m too tired to give a shit about what you want. I have three jobs, student loans, and university to deal with. The only things of value in my apartment are my crappy laptop and internet access. The only time I am ever here is to sleep. You already disturbed what little sleep I was able to get, and I have work in... Forty-five minutes. Just great. Please leave, and can one of you, for the love of all things holy put a note in the system that this is NOT Marcus Evans’ apartment?!” Everyone flinched at your outburst, all looking both sympathetic and annoyed except for Detective Halstead, he just looked very sad for you. “Of course,” he said as he handed you a business card, “if you could call me when you have time, we have some pretty important questions.” Sargent Voight shot him a look, one that clearly said ‘what the fuck are you doing? That’s not your call.’ “Okay. Now seriously, please leave.” Irritated and muttering under their breath, barring Halstead who gave you a smirk and a wink, they all left stepping over the splinters of the door you replaced three weeks before.

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The next day after entering your sparsely decorated apartment, dropping dead on your bed/couch, you heard the distinctive sounds of a door being broken down, followed by the police announcing themselves, and an apartment being searched... Above yours. They finally got the right apartment! Despite the ache in your muscles and bones, you jumped up and cheered. Complete and utter elation surrounded you and your soul. A few minutes into your dancing and celebrating there was a knock on the door. Smiling brighter than you had in years you answered the door. “Good morning detective!”

“Well, good morning to you too, Ms. Y/L/N. You’re in a much better mood.”

“To be fair, you guys busted into my apartment at three in the morning, again, and I just heard everything that happened upstairs, you guys finally got the right apartment!”

“Hey, we never served more than one warrant here.”

“Your unit only served one, but your brothers in blue served twenty-one. Destroying property, unlawful arrest, causing severe anxiety, and just general harassment for eight months. The only reason I didn’t move was because I couldn’t afford to. I’m just happy it’s over now, I’ll never have a Marcus Evans warrant served at my apartment again!” Halstead looked happy when you opened the door and your conversation began, but when you finally took a breath you noticed how guilty he looked. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, looking like he was in physical pain, before he nodded at you and walked away, leaving you feeling incredibly confused.

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Two days later you returned from two ten-hour shifts to Jay Halstead in front of your door. “Detective?”

“Please, call me Jay.”

“Alright, Jay, what are you doing here? Is everything okay with Marcus’s arrest?”

“Oh yeah, everything’s fine with that. I came here because of this.” He handed you a large manilla envelope. “What’s this?”

“Compensation. For everything that happened over the last eight months. And apartment listings in better neighbourhoods. Seriously, you need to get out of here, it’s way too dangerous.”

“Thanks for the advice, and the compensation, I’ll think about it. But it just might not be doable for me.”

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You couldn’t afford to move, something that irked Jay to no end. So he came around often. Dropping by with coffee and Irish breakfasts. Sharing his Netflix password and watching B99 together. Driving you home from work or university when it was late. The days grew shorter, and your hours of work grew longer. Jay worried. About you. About the number of hours you worked. About how much university work you had. About your health, how much (or little, really) you slept and ate, how you didn’t see the doctor as often you should (ironic considering you were in med school), and about how you never took time to relax, always jumping from one task to the next.

You slumped against the passenger seat of Jay’s truck, exhausted after working for thirty hours straight, ten at each of your jobs. “Okay, seriously, you can’t keep living like this. I have a spare room, I can get you a civilian job at my precinct. You are wearing yourself to the bone. Please, Y/N.”

“I get my residency assignment tomorrow. I quit today.”

“You did?”

“Yes.”

“All of them?”

“All three.”

“And you’ll move out of your apartment?”

“Nope.” Popping the ‘p’. Jay sighed and shook his head, before looking at your half-asleep form. “I’ll take you to the shithole you call a home.”

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TWO YEARS LATER

Jumping up and down you waited for Jay to open the door. The envelopes sitting on his coffee table glaring at you. You flopped onto his couch (that didn’t also double as a bed) and huffed impatiently. Fidgeting.

The door opened and you jumped up, startling your best friend. His cop/ranger instincts taking over. He stiffly dropped his jacket and yanked out his gun before aiming it for your head. Panic coursed through you, tightening your chest. Reflexively you put up your hands, not able to control the words that bubbled out of your throat. “I’m bulletproof... But please don’t shoot me.” Jay lowered his gun, laughing. “‘Bulletproof’? Really?”

“Hey, I panicked, shut up.”

“What’re you doing here, anyway? I thought you were taking another shift?”

“I was, but then Sarah’s plans fell through so she decided to take her shift back, plus I got my fellowship applications back!”

“Where did you get accepted?!”

“I don’t know I was waiting for you to get back to open them!”

“Well I’m here now, so open them!”

“Okay, okay, here we go; Honolulu general, accepted, Seattle Grace, no, but they had a bomb blow up there recently so I’m not heartbroken, Chicago med, yes, and Miami Dade Memorial, yes. Okay 3/4, that’s great! What do you think?”

“Well I’m biased, so Chicago Med, but it would be fun to visit you in Hawaii.”

“Hawaii is so expensive though, I’d probably have to have a part-time job to make rent.”

“In a decent apartment this time.”

“Two part-time jobs, then. So Hawaii is out, now Miami... It is hot there, beaches, the ocean, the food, but Miami Dade Memorial isn’t very prominent in the research department and the crime rate is awful in the part I’d need to live and work in. I mean I know isn’t a whole lot better but... It would feel a bit like moving from bad to worse, especially on my budget.”

“So that leaves Chicago...”

“It does, but I think I need to find a new place that’s closer to Med and filled with less dug dealers.”

“Please tell me this was a subtle way of asking if you can move in with me.”

“It wasn’t, but now that you bring it up, would that be okay?”

“YES! Oh thank fuck, you’re finally moving out of that rat’s nest! C’mon, let’s go get your stuff now!”

“But Jay I just paid this month’s rent-“

“Let’s gooooooooooo!”

——————————————————————————————————-

FOUR MONTHS LATER

Because your apartment was in such a “great location” (in the same building as three drug dealers) your landlord was willing to give half of your rent back. It had only taken you twenty-something minutes to pack your things and leave. Now you were starting your surgical OB/GYN fellowship, excited to not be working multiple jobs at once for the first time since you were twelve. While Jay’s brother, Will, worked at Med as well he worked in the ED while you worked in the gynecology unit and you were thankful you only had to work together for consults or in an all hands on deck situation because he could be a fucking prick. When you first met him years ago he spent two hours quizzing your medical knowledge, and he got annoyed when you got everything right and he couldn’t correct you. So when you got a consult from him your first week there, you were apprehensive. “Hey Y/N, treatment room four.”

“Thanks, Maggie.” You pushed back the curtain and were met with the sight of a pregnant woman clearly in immense pain and a frustrating ginger. “Dr. Asher is her OB but we can’t find her anywhere. She was on-call but I, and a couple of nurses, and her secretary have been blowing up her phone and we’ve got nothing back. This is her patient Sienna. She’s in a lot of pain but is refusing painkillers, you’ve been working with her a lot lately-“ You snorted. His facial expression hardened. “Just come out and say it Y/L/N.”

“First of all it’s doctor Y/L/N, second of all, I haven’t been ‘working’ with her, I’ve been taking care of ‘her’ patients because she’s almost never at work. She just cancels the appointments short notice and since these women are kind of on a timeline their appointments get reassigned to other doctors. She’s listed as their doctor on all the forms but she’s never even met half of them. Sienna is the only patient that Dr. Asher has seen more than once.”

“Don’t talk about her like that, you don’t know-“

“That she’s an addict? The entire OB floor knows we just don’t have enough proof to do anything about it. And don’t get me wrong, I know that there’s a lot of genetic components to addiction and I would be sympathetic if she wasn’t responsible for multiple lives at a time on a daily basis.” You turned on your heel and entered the room, done with Will Halstead and his bullshit. “Hi Sienna, my name is Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, and I’ll be filling in for Dr. Asher, I understand that you don’t want any drugs and while that’s fine, if your condition gets bad enough we may have to intervene but we’ll do everything we can for you and your baby, okay?”

“Where’s Dr. Asher? I need her here, she understands!”

“Okay, we’re still trying to find her okay?”

—————————————————————————————————

“So I heard that you and my brother locked horns today.”

“Your brother is a prick.”

“I know that he is, I’m just wondering what happened this time.”

“He’s doing this weird ethical-puppy love-guilt trippy-Romeo and Juliet level of doomed-unnecessary drama-thing going on and it’s completely affecting how he treats his patients. We already had one loose cannon we couldn’t disarm, now we have another. It’s come to the point that I’m genuinely worried about the patients that come into Med, and I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m sorry, I wish there was something I could do.”

“Just try not to antagonize Will, okay? He’s more on edge and that makes him erratic, I would really appreciate it if you wouldn’t make it worse.”

“Okay. I’ll leave him alone.”

“Thank you. I’m starving, what should we do for dinner?”

“Vietnamese is on the way.”

“Have I told you how amazing you are today?”

“Yes, but I would love to hear it again.”

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Dr. Asher’s medical negligence had finally caught up with her, and for once Will wasn’t even remotely involved. He and Asher were having one of their silent spats again when Asher dropped the ball, or baby rather, during an emergency c-section of a patient she misdiagnosed and mistreated because she was in need of a fix. The only reason the mother didn’t hemorrhage and baby didn’t crack his skull was because of your observations and quick reflexes. The baby was healthy and mom was recovering and you were fuming. After scrubbing out you approached the, understandably distressed, father and told him that on your best medical opinion he and his wife should file a malpractice suit for missing an easy and obvious diagnosis, screwing up a routine surgery, and almost killing his son seconds after he was born.

You met with him, his lawyer and Asher two days later in a conference room with Goodwin and Peter the Stressed Out Lawyer. You accused her of having an addiction. The father requested a drug test. Goodwin glared, you glared back. If she didn’t want it handled like this then she should have dealt with it months ago when you brought it up your second week at Med. She tried to approach you in the hall, condescension on the tip of her tongue when you levelled her with a glare so fierce it rivalled that of Godzilla. “You do not get to scold me like I am a child. I told you when I first got here that she has a problem. That she is a danger to everyone who comes into her care. That she is a danger to other doctors. That she is a liability. Do not bitch to me when I told a husband and father who almost his wife and son to her recklessness to sue. To get angry and fight back. Do not take that petty, catty, condescending tone with me because I went around you. You have absolutely no ground to stand on. Because. You. Were. Wrong.”

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You were surprised you had a job to come back to the next day. So was a very pissed off and ‘heartbroken’ Will Halstead. He kept running around to your colleagues, badmouthing you, trying to get them to join in and turn on you, but that didn’t happen. They not only agreed with you but rallied around you. Doctors are not gods. They do not get to ignore a patient’s wishes or act like they don’t have restrictions and limitations. It came to the point that Will told Jay he didn’t approve of you and that he had to dump you... Despite the fact that you weren’t dating.

Jay had rolled his eyes and pushed Will out of the apartment before giving you a hug and made you pancakes for dinner. “I’m sorry that I messed up your relationship with Will.”

“Don’t be. We’re brothers, we fight from time to time, and sometimes those fights are bigger than others and that’s okay. Will, well Halsteads in general, are pretty good at torpedoing any and all romantic relationships.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“My parents only got married cause my mom got knocked up and fought non-stop, Will was and still is in love with Natalie but he was too controlling, secretive, and refused to tell her about Burke, and me... Lindsay and I were on a break before we left because my Vegas wife refused to divorce me and I didn’t tell her I had even been to Vegas.”

“Okay, so maybe it’s a little true, but it’s not because you’re bad people or Even just saying ‘yes there’s something going on but I don’t feel ready to talk about it with you’ would go a long way. Cause all you Halstead guys say is that you’re fine but you never are and if you lie to yourself you lie to your partner.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. And tell Will when his head is surgically removed from Asher’s ass. You’ve seen that he follows her around like a puppy, right?”

“Yup, everyone on the OB floor has been talking about it nonstop since he started his whatever it was with Asher.”

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EIGHT MONTHS LATER

Because of the suit, the hospital conducted an internal investigation in relation to Dr. Asher that pretty much everyone could confirm. Erratic behaviour and attendance, leaving other doctors to tend to her patients while keeping her name on the case files, and horrifying evidence of being high while working. Granted that had only happened twice and she literally just sat in her office staring at paperwork the whole time. Still, she was fired, the suit was settled, and Asher lost her license. You had destroyed her career and while there was a part of you that felt guilty, you knew that in the end she did the right thing. She refused help and kept carrying on in a way that would have been detrimental to more patients if other doctors hadn’t stepped in. Will still wasn’t talking to you and had started avoiding Jay recently because you two started dating.

Barring the tension from all the Will stuff, your relationship was doing well. You had great dates (both out and at the apartment), were radiating happiness together, and Jay was taking your words about communication to heart. Not once has the phrase ‘I’m fine’ dripped off of his lips. If he didn’t want to tell you something or was more comfortable talking about it with his therapist or Upton before you he’d let you know. Most times he would just talk about what was bothering him, even if it was only bullet points sometimes you both felt relieved that functional relationships were actually possible.

You were on a date with Jay at your favourite Jamaican restaurant when you ran into Hannah Asher. She did not look pleased to see you and quite honestly you could have lived the rest of your life happily if you never had to see her again. After a few seconds of glaring at you and your boyfriend, an annoying ginger put his arm around her. “Hi Will. How are you?”

“My girlfriend and I are doing well Jacob.”

“Really Will? You’re using my whole name because my-”

“Okay, you know what? Let’s go our separate ways. It looked like you guys were just leaving, and we’re probably confusing our poor hostess. So let’s both just walk away.”

“You ruined my life.”

“Asher-”

“You took everything from me!”

“Do you have any idea how many patients you almost killed in your time at Med? Because I do, and it’s a triple-digit number. You shouldn’t have been practicing in your condition and you know it. So you need to drop the victim act and walk away.” You saw her face contort into complete and utter rage, then everything is hazy. There were lights, bright red ones, and screaming, you were pretty sure Jay was there, and there was... Copper? Why did your mouth feel like it was full of liquid pennies? There was gurgling, was there a baby? Were they okay? You tried to speak, get up, look around, but you were too tired. You were begging yourself to move, to do something, but it felt like your bones turned into melting iron.

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You didn’t remember waking up, or falling asleep for that matter, you were just looking at the glass door and suddenly it came into focus. You didn’t even know how you got to the ED, what happened at the restaurant. Dr. Choi entered your room apprehensively. “Y/L/N? How are you feeling?”

“Like I was mauled by a tiger.”

“That’s... Actually pretty close to what happened, honey.”

“Jay?”

“Hey, I’m right here. So, what’s the prognosis Choi?”

“Multiple contusions on the right side of the abdomen, lower back and around your neck, multiple lacerations all over your abdomen, forearms, and two on your head. Your liver was also perforated, we couldn’t stop the bleeding so we had to remove half of it, which you know means it’ll take a couple of months to grow back and you won’t be able to drink for around a year. We’re going to need to monitor you and run some tests, so you’re gonna be here for a few days.”

“Well I should hope so. What? Why are you two looking at me like I have eight heads? I could’ve died.”

“... You actually want to stay in the hospital and be cared for by your colleagues?”

“I trust you, besides I’ll only make things worse if I check myself out AMA, doesn’t matter how good of a doctor I am. It’ll be hard and I’m not going to enjoy it, but I have to stay here and get treated regardless so I might as well be as positive as I can about it.”

“You are officially my favourite patient.”

“And I love you even more.”

“Thanks guys, I appreciate it.”

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“What happened Jay? I don’t remember anything after telling her to walk away.”

“She went berserk. Attacked you. I tried to pull her off but Will lost his mind, telling me not to hurt her. I managed to toss him after a couple of seconds but I was too late. She’d already slashed you up and stabbed you twice. I grabbed her but she managed to get a bunch of kicks in while I was hauling her away from you all while screaming that she was going to kill you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you. She’s sitting in a cell at the 21st right now with Platt breathing down her neck. We also did a drug test on her, she was high as all hell.”

“Please don’t feel bad Jay, I know that you reacted as fast and did as much as you could. And I know that Will did what he could to stop you. How is Will by the way?”

“He’s in the cell next to hers. He assaulted a police officer and was an accomplice in assault. Voight’s been asking if I want to drop the charges against him because he’s my brother. And I just don’t know, I wanted to talk to you first.”

“I don’t want to charge him. And I don’t want you to press charges either, but I won’t stop you if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want him to go to jail, I want him to go to therapy. He needs it.”

“I wasn’t sure if I should say anything, but he really does. And I think you need to be the one to bring it up with him. We can do some research, too, and find psychiatrists that have their own practices so that it’s not connected to the hospital at all.”

“That sounds like a great idea, but I think you mean I do the research cause you are supposed to be resting and not doing any physically or mentally strenuous tasks.”

“Fine, fine. Just give Will a hug from me when you see him.”

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ONE YEAR LATER

The day of the trial had finally arrived and you were pissed off about it. The date of the trial was the same day as your due date. The defence had done everything they could to delay the trial, and when they finally settled on the worst possible day three weeks ago, you’d tried to have it delayed again because you didn’t want to give birth in a courtroom. The defence had convinced the judge to deny it, so here you were, sitting in a sweltering room that smelled like old wood and seventies carpet for five hours beside your husband behind the district attorney doing your best not to glare at the judge. “It’s going to be okay, honey, she won’t get away with anything, it’s cut and dry. The only real thing to do is to determine her sentence.” Jay kissed your forehead and placed his hand on top of yours on your protruding stomach. You winced. “She just kicked again, Jay.”

“That’s seven minutes apart.”

“I’m in labour, we need to go.” Jay nodded to your lawyer who motioned to the judge for permission to speak. “Your honour, my client is in labour, may we adjourn so that she and her husband can go to the hospital?”

“Objection your honour!”

“Ms. Asher, do not interrupt the prosecution. I’ve heard and seen more than enough evidence. Ms. Asher, you are hereby sentenced to twenty-five years in prison for aggravated assault and attempted murder. The court now is adjourned. Oh, and Dr. Y/L/N and detective Halstead? Congratulations.”

#One Chicago #Chicago PD #chicago med #jay halstead #jay halstead x reader #will halstead #Hannah Asher #sharon goodwin

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grimsleyxwillsupremacy · 3 years

Text

I let an AI write Will and Grimsley's love story. It went wrong.

I let an AI write Will and Grimsley's tragic story (title included). It wasn't supposed to be tragic, but oh well. I used my headcanon family btw. This is the horrifying result. Enjoy:

WHISPERS OF MY DESTINY

Grimsley had been trying to confess his love to Will for three weeks, but it wasn't until that day that he decided to tell him how he felt.

"I love you."

Will responded by telling him he loved him, and then Grimsley asked, "But don't you have a wife?"

Grimsley was talking about Lily, and Will ran to the room and began crying, recalling Lily's death.

Will turned away from his headmaster and sat against the wall with his head in his hands, crying.

Grimsley tried to get him up and to continue their lesson, but Will couldn't even look at him.

Grimsley understood what was happening. Suddenly, however, a stray thought occurred to Grimsley: maybe he would have some sort of ulterior motive.

Maybe he was being his usual jerkly self in order to test Will.

The next morning, Grimsley entered his house and proposed to Will.

Will was befuddled, so Grimsley explained that he would win the election with the students' support if he promised to leave Will alone.

Grimsley told him that Lily would still be in love with him, but Will wanted to start a new life with Grimsley.

Will finally agreed, and it seemed like things had gone smoothly.

Little did they know, they were about to hit a major snag.

The first place Grimsley visited was his home.

He found Will's wife Lily, or rather her corpse. He smiled because he knew it was because of his own misdeeds.

Everything had gone according to plan.

Just as he thought, Will's heart wasn't broken, but dead.

Of course, Grimsley was shocked by what he had done, and he couldn't stop crying for the longest time, but he continued pretending to be happy and innocent.

Grimsley wanted Will to be happy again, so he tried to cheer him up and pushed him to continue on with his life.

Will cried for him when he left. Sometime later, Will attended his first date with Grimsley, whom he thought was a real doctor.

Years later, once they were already married, Grimsley confessed his crime to Will. He had killed Lily, Will's wife.

Will was in shock.

"You're the murderer?!"

Will started to cry, but Grimsley told him to stop.

"That's just part of the reason I love you."

Will didn't believe him at first, but soon he did and decided that he would find a way to put Grimsley away.

But he wasn't able to, because Will still loved Grimsley.

Years passed by, and Grimsley continued to woo Will and beg him for his forgiveness.

Will eventually forgave Grimsley. They ended up having four children. The oldest was a boy named Tom, followed by a girl named Reyna, another girl named Hannah, and the youngest child, a boy named Akashi.

Unfortunately, their happiness was about to be marred again. The sons decided to go into politics, and they were given the same office as their father.

One day, they all went to the beach and a terrible accident happened.

The lifeguards dove in after Tom and Reyna fell into the water, but only Tom was found, and he was killed.

Reyna managed to survive, but she was badly scarred.

Reyna could never forgive Grimsley for not saving his brother's life.

Will and Grimsley were devastated at their son's death, so they stayed to look after Hannah and Akashi.

Will managed to sell their house to a wealthy family who lived in Huddington.

One night, Will started thinking about his daughter Reyna, who had become a recluse ever since Tom's death.

He realized that the whole time he had been blaming Grimsley for not helping Tom, instead of himself.

After Reyna finally died, Grimsley decided to move to California, and Will followed him there.

There they met two girls by the name of Amy and April, who had a black fox named Edward.

Amy is very fond of animals, but she never told Will and Grimsley what kind of animal she really had.

Will and Grimsley had been oppressed by Amy and April for the past few months for being gay.

They couldn't even visit Lily or Tom's grave without people calling them perverts or killers.

One day, Will decided to visit Lily and Tom's grave.

It was under construction and the family was devastated because the mayor had decided to build a building where the graveyard had been, and now Will and Grimsley's son's corpse, as well as Lily's, were lost.

Will felt guilty and distraught.

He returned to Amy and April's apartment only to see that they were engaged to be married.

He asked Amy how she was going to marry April when they had been oppressing Will and Grimsley for being gay before!

Amy screamed at Will and told him that she was so sorry, and that she had told April everything about them.

But when she told April, April was not in the mood to talk to her at all.

Will giggled and forgave her.

A few months later, Will tragically and very painfully lost his right leg when a Sharpedo attacked him while Will was trying to protect Grimsley.

He was rushed to the nearest hospital, where he learned that the loss of his leg was fatal and that he only had a week to live.

Grimsley did everything he could to save his husband's life, but... Would Will su rvive?

Was that week enough for him to forget that he had loved his evil brother?

If Will didn't survive, Grimsley was going to be alone again.

A week passed, and Will miraculously survived, after having lost his leg to the hospital.

He was going to leave that hospital, with very few things.

Grimsley and the rest of his family were shocked and worried, but he wanted to see the pokémon that his youngest son had caught for him, which was a Fearow named Blaze.

After Will left the hospital, he decided to leave for Sinnoh, where he had made a promise to Lily's brother, Max.

Max was evil. He was afraid to be in a marriage with his soon - to - be - wife, Chelsea, and didn't want to take responsibility for the family when she died.

So he decided to run away and join Team Rocket, leaving his friends and family behind.

Meanwhile, Grimsley temporarily left his job to take care of his husband, Will, and their two remaining children.

Will's leg was still recovering, so he could only use a wheelchair.

Grimsley tried to work from home, but the accident made it impossible for him to do that.

He was going crazy, and so was everyone.

The children were traumatized. Blaze the Fearow was the only sane creature remaining now. Luckily for Will, his family and husband (and Fearow) were there for him.

Grimsley heard rumors that Team Rocket was looking for new recruits.

He quickly told the children that he would train them to be strong, so they can go to their mother's grave and set her free.

Then Grimsley remembered that the kids didn't have a mother because Will and himself were their gay parents.

The children were horrified at the mere thought of having a dead mother somewhere, so Grimsley and the children went for a walk.

They all talked about Grimsley's sudden decision and how hurt they were.

The Fearow and the children decided to sing a song, which they wrote while looking for their apparently dead biological mother.

The song was... interesting. It said: "Only a mother can sing a lullaby". They soon heard a voice.

It said, "Will, Blaze, Hannah, Akashi, Grimsley, thank you for coming here.

Don't be sad, or be happy!

When you get to the pokémon center, a nurse will take a look at Will's leg... or what 's left of it."

The voice was very mean.

All three asked what the voice meant, and it said, "Fearow, it means we're on the right path."

The children and Fearow were amazed.

They decided to set out to catch their own Xatus, because they were also traumatized beings.

Akashi caught a Xatu. He looked into his Xatu's eyes and saw the deepest darkness, which frightened him.

Grimsley caught a Xatu as well. But couldn't bear the pain that the vision of his child's death was bringing him.

Eventually, Grimsley decided to do something morally gray and he forced the Xatu to grow wings on its back.

Then Grimsley instructed it to fly him to Lily's grave, so he could set his mother free.

Fearow didn't like this idea, because it reminded him of his dear Spearow, which was waiting for it back in its nest.

Grimsley finally decided to stay with Will, who was still traumatized at the loss of his right leg.

Grimsley gave him a wheelchair to use and became the parents of Will's kids, Hannah and Akashi. The girls soon evolved into Pansage.

And that is the ending of this amazing story.

You made this for your friend, but he didn't want you to post it.

So I decided to post it.

By the way, I have no idea who the f*ck Lily is, but apparently she's Will's ex-wife now 😂

#gone wrong #pokémon #elite four grimsley #elite four will #wildcardshipping #this is art #i'm laughing so hard

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