#am i a lesbian?

[farmerlesbian]

I'm going through and catching up on my readings and thought yall might appreciate this one! Some history and context around the term compulsory heterosexuality.

If you’re queer and on the internet, there’s a good chance you’ve heard of the term ‘compulsory heterosexuality,’ often shortened to ‘comphet.’ While academic and scholarly theories have often made their way into popular culture, this is especially true on the internet, particularly in spaces like Tumblr and now Tik Tok.  Today’s popular usage of the term compulsory heterosexuality has stemmed from several different sources, but there’s one source that stands out as being the most influential. The so-called “Am I a Lesbian?” masterdoc was first posted on Tumblr in early 2018, and since then has gone viral on that site and others, with copies frequently being posted and discussed on Twitter, Reddit, and Tik Tok. The 30-page document was created by a Tumblr user who was 19 at the time, and is essentially a checklist of sorts, or as the creator puts it, “a tool of self-reflection.” The document relies heavily on the theory of compulsory heterosexuality, reassuring readers that compulsory heterosexuality can cause women to feel like they are or should be attracted to men, but that uncovering who you really desire is the key to unlocking your identity. The document lays out the difference between actual attraction to men and the experience of compulsory heterosexuality, as well as listing many common signs that you may have been attracted to women in the past without realizing it.  Since the masterdoc was first posted, there has been a lot of controversy surrounding it, with many sharing how much it helped them figure out their identity (even Kehlani said it helped her realize she was a lesbian), and others critiquing it for ignoring bisexuality. I’m not interested in unpacking that controversy right now, in part because it would take all day and also because I don’t feel it’s necessary to pick apart the impromptu work of a teenager. Instead, I want to dig into the lexicon used in the document and explore the origin of this terminology. 

continue reading

[longstoryshqrt]

just know I’ve been thinking about her since s4 was released

[bi-sapphics]

whats the difference between lesbian repulsion for men, and febfem repulsion for men?

ive been so confused about whether im a lesbian or febfem. with either one i wouldn't engage with men, but if im febfem, and wouldnt be romantic or intimate with a man ever, how do i know im attracted to them?

okay, listen. i'm gonna assume you're using "febfem" in good faith like i once did, but unless you actually are a radfem on my blog for some weird reason then please don't. i literally use the term "bi sapphics" instead to emphasize wlw attraction and i'm not sure how you missed such an obvious replacement for a problematic term if you're asking me somewhat-advanced questions like this. i'm not mad, just a little shocked you're talking positively about febfems in my inbox and i wanna address that first.

but to answer your question, at the end of the day the most general answer is you're the one who indicates that. if you think comphet is valid, you might wanna look into the lesbian masterdoc - you can probably just google it or search for it on twitter or tumblr. i have some beef with it personally and am very critical of it because it definitely contributes to bi erasure and was written without the consolation of bi women so it kinda tends to list very common bimisogynistic experiences as lesbian experiences, buuuuut i think it does actually provide some genuine and helpful relief in the longrun. i think comphet is conditionally real, all in separate lesbian contexts, wlw contexts, and women in general contexts because that's just how the patriarchy functions. maybe see which one is affecting you the most and figure out if that helps.

but like i said before all that, i really can't tell you because i don't live your experiences. what i will say is that i used to identify as a lesbian for a year because i went through something very similar, but then i realized my attraction to men just wasn't comphet. it might be the same for you, it might be different. maybe you'll go with bi sapphic and later realize it actually was comphet instead. nothing you do from here will be morally wrong and you shouldn't let anyone, especially radfems & exclus, tell you otherwise, because they will. even then, you could be super perfectly confident and still end up being wrong in the future. really only you can figure this out, with help of course, but i can't give you a definitive answer. hopefully my suggestion will get you somewhere.

if other lesbians and bi women want to add on, please feel free!! all opinions on the "am i a lesbian?" masterdoc are welcome.

[mimicgender]

Been thinking.

[raybidtickles]

Can someone on the sonic team explain to me why IDW Eggman has the most sinister ler faces I've ever seen like?

LOOK AT HIM

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE FACE OF MERCY TO YOU??

[igiturr]

Hey friends, is there a "am I aromantic" master doc like there is the "am I a lesbian" master doc?

[cherrilemon]

I feel like the only men i find attractive are men who i have 0 chance with and/or men who are old enough to be my father... maybe i am a lesbian???

I'm not sure if i'd actually date men or anything 😭 I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH FIGURING THIS OUT

WHY AM I HAVING ANOTHER SEXUALITY CRISIS?!?!?!

[regsswimminglessons]

shoutout to the friend who told me i'm the straightest person they'd ever met when i am, in fact, a raging bisexual who is questioning her attraction to men that aren't fictional

[juststarsandthemoon]

I just met someone, he saw I was scared in a rollercoaster, took me through the steps of relieving anxiety (5 things you can see, etc), asked me what music I liked, I said mcr (first thing in my head) he said that he could tell, said that I should start singing to myself, afterwards he asked my insta, I gave it, he then asked me for my pronouns, and said he'd use them even if they were neos, we've been doing eachother about music for the last 10 minutes, I made a joke and he responded with 💍?

[soulsilverisms]

i don’t know how to say this but i think i’m a lesbian? but i’m not sure. like i’m 100% sure i’m into girls but idk about guys.. and also being a lesbian scares me because of what my mother will think. i just think girls are cute that’s all

[longstoryshqrt]

I NEED A BOOK OR A MOVIE OR A TV SERIES IDK THAT EXPLAINS REALLY WELL THE STRUGGLE OF FINDING OUT IF UR A LESBIAN OR NOT BC I SINCERELY DONT KNOW IF MY DOUBTS ARE VALID,I DONT CARE IF ITS CLIQUE I NEED IT

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[excavatinglizard]

Shoutout to my dad for being the funniest person I know

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[cherrilemon]

Welcome to everyone���s favorite game show: “Am I actually a lesbian? Or am I taking it and actually bisexual?”

Stay tuned for tears

[captainjackscoat]

I want to go to a gay bar

However I do not want to go to a gay bar because I do not, nor will I ever, drink alcohol. I do not particularly want to be around drunks.

So instead of a gay bar, I propose a Queer Cat Cafe.

Non allergenic cats ofc

There's a section of the cafe where the cats can't go if you don't want cats near you. That section is the library.

There are lil pride flags everywhere, even the obscure ones.

They sell pride pins for £1.50ish each at the counter.

There are LED lights.

It's autism friendly, lights can be toned down if needed and everything is neatly spaced out

You can have a sticker to write your pronouns on

Mostly queer artists/songs played

feel free to add on