#am just some negative person who makes everything complicated lol

[atsu-i]

you dont deserve to feel this way. your feelings matter and you're not a burden whatever you might think. i genuinenly wish you'll feel better soon. be kind to yourself, friend.

:0

[stonegoldsxcrxt]

Okay so I honestly haven’t been active on tumblr in forever. But if I’m ever thinking of star wars, I like to take a peek at your blog because I feel like you are one of the few who loves Luke as much as I do. But what I want rn is to give my two cents on this whole acolyte thing. And I hope you don’t think I am trying to come at/attack you or anything of the sort. This is just my (somewhat complicated?) take on things. Sorry if this gets super long. I have many thoughts. And I hope I don’t confuse at all while trying to explain! Unfortunately, I’m not very eloquent lol. Anyway:

Personally? I’m kinda intrigued by the Osha/Qimir dynamic. And this is coming from someone who honestly severely disliked the sequels—especially kylo and reylo (but a lot of it was due to fandom bs as well). I mean, I’ll admit some of it is due to my own bias because this time around I’m glad both of the actors are hot and they are both absolutely acting their asses off. And maybe there hasn’t been enough for you in the show (I get it tbh, the episodes are short and there’s only so much you can do with 8 episodes and this is honestly a problem with D+ and a lot of streaming services now), but I can see what Leslye was aiming for with the dynamic. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is one of my fave movies so I definitely see the influence. But Headland did also point out that a lot of enemies to lovers is about one character going “I know there’s good in you!” or what the hell ever—and Osha didn’t do that. That’s something I can appreciate whereas in TLJ it seemed like Rey was all about freaking Kylo and was convinced there was still good in him even though the literal day before he had nearly killed both her and Finn.

I do disagree about there being no manipulation, though. Qimir IS being honest and vulnerable, but clearly he hopes to gain something with Osha from that. But whereas I didn’t buy any of it with Rey and Kylo, I can see how and why Osha might fall to the dark side. She is clearly conflicted about everything from her emotions to her very own identity. But Qimir is offering her a sense of clarity about that AND on her past. Osha loves and admires Sol deeply of course, but he has obviously been keeping something huge from her. And if it turns out he was majorly involved with whatever happened to her coven, it makes sense that Osha would then embrace whatever negative emotions that are brewing within her (even if Sol was slightly less involved the fact that he knew and never told her should rightfully make her angry). It will obviously destroy whatever faith she had left in the Jedi, but imo she might begin to question how it makes the Jedi any different from Qimir.

And now that I’ve explained that, I also wanted to say how I felt about some of the discourse. Fandom feuds are always annoying, but now that I’m essentially on the other side...? I’ve gotta say I am low-key offended and high-key pissed over it. I mean, if ppl don’t like Qimir or the relationship between him and Osha—fine. But I’ve seen some absolutely disgusting comments over this. Like someone on twitter (who ss a post of yours too) who was calling Leslye Headland’s lesbianism into question. Like idc if you don’t like the ship but there is literally no need for discussing her sexuality like that just because she likes a problematic ship you hate (which she literally created so idk what ppl expected anyways)!!! And then there are the “fans” (I use that term lightly) insulting Manny Jacinto’s looks (which is ridiculous cause the man is hot idgaf). And I honestly think that shit is hypocritical af since a lot of these ppl are fans who were rightfully upset at reylo/kylo stans for saying similar disgusting things about actual people.

I like quite a few villains in multiple fandoms, so to me it seems like the same ridiculous arguments. There’s nothing wrong with liking a fictional character who happens to be a villain. As long as no one’s trying to make excuses for their heinous actions (jokes are another thing) I don’t think it matters. It’s literally not that deep imo. And liking said problematic characters does not have anything to do with people’s real life morals. That’s just bullshit.

And again, it’s actually INCREDIBLY fucking hypocritical, ESPECIALLY coming from star wars fans who have been sexualizing villains like Darth Maul, Thrawn, and a young freaking Darth Vader for YEARS. But now it’s a problem with Qimir????? Not to mention the romanticization of other literal problematic ships like anidala or reylo. And I’ll be honest—as a Filipina????? I do feel like some of this is racially motivated because literally WHAT is the difference with Qimir and Osha/Qimir versus all of these other characters and ships?????? I think that’s what gets me heated is the hypocrisy of it all. And of course the fact that it’s all fictional anyway so I don’t know why it should fucking matter to some people if fans like a character or ship that they don’t.

Anyways...I think this is essentially all of my thoughts on the matter. Again, I hope I didn’t come across as rude or like I was attacking you. Like I said, it IS a bit complicated for me. Because as someone who hardly liked anything from the sequels, I was definitely cringing at the multiple mentions of reylo and kylo in Leslye’s recent interview. And yet....I see the vision.

hey!! so, there's a lot here and I do actually want to talk about all of it! I really appreciate you approaching this with nuance and being open to have a conversation. I'm gonna number my responses just so I know I covered everything I wanted to talk about and everything you mentioned.

One: I don't think there's anything wrong with being intrigued by a character dynamic like Osha and Qimir's, in fact I actually do find it very interesting from a psychological standpoint myself. I also don't think there's anything wrong with depicting a character dynamic like Osha and Qimir's, with one caveat, which is that you have to recognize it for what it is. I truly would LOVE star wars to approach it with the angle of "hey, this is how people can weaponize your own emotions against you, especially how a man may try (and even succeed) in manipulating a woman this way," and particularly what that looks like with the Force, because a LOT of Jedi and Sith principles are based around the acceptance (or aggravation!) of emotions. I think that's a totally interesting plot line that would actually be super fascinating to see. I also find it believable that Osha could, theoretically, be convinced by Qimir and turn (in fact I think your entire third paragraph is a very valid interpretation of what has happened so far). It's not that I don't think these are fascinating possibilities to explore. It's not that I don't think Osha joining the dark side is out of the question or even unreasonable, whatever the reason.

In fact, pre-interview, almost all of my criticism was pointed at the way the fandom immediately jumps to believing everything Qimir is saying without thinking critically about how he could be lying to Osha to get her to act the way that he wants her to. This comes from an intense place of frustration dealing with fandom in general who excuse the violent actions of men towards women (which is the reason why that one post doesn't actually even name Qimir or Osha, even though I did tag their names, since it applies to like a half dozen ships I can think of off the top of my head). In fact, I praised the writing of the acolyte in my breakdown post, assuming that Headland was purposefully creating all the cunning ways Qimir talks to Osha and all the tactics he appears to be using to manipulate her, and that this would be plot relevant. Whether Osha realized she was being manipulated and snapped out of it, or whether she never realized it, and fell to the dark side, and what that would mean for her, etc.

However, post-interview, things are different. No more am I simply dealing with a fandom that is willfully misinterpreting a toxic relationship as romantic, I am now dealing with the showrunner herself saying lots of things that disturb me. I can give her credit for not pulling the "there's good in him" card, but that's about as good as I can do. Headland may say that she does not intend the relationship to be manipulative, that she intends for Osha and Qimir to be equals, but if what she has presented to us onscreen does not read that way, then she has failed to accurately convey her message as the showrunner. You and I agree that Qimir is manipulating Osha, yet Headland says the opposite. I now have a showrunner for Star Wars, a massive franchise viewed by thousands, giving interviews saying that there is nothing wrong with this man's relationship with this young woman, but continuing to show the opposite. She can't have it both ways. The statement "Osha and Qimir are equals," is simply so far removed from the reality of what Headland has presented Qimir to be (a conniving man who is strong enough in the Force to eliminate a dozen Jedi at a time, and is so callus that he calls a girl an "it" after he's murdered her) that it's such an unbelievable statement I actually can't even believe people are buying it. I'm not saying that to be mean; what makes Qimir and Osha equals? Genuinely? That he cooks soup sometimes? That he disrobed in front of her? What about this relationship is equal?

Here's my bottom line when it comes to this discourse: I am sick of seeing young women getting treated like shit by men, and it getting romanticized as hot and desirable instead of what it is. I am sick of it whether the fandom does it, I am sick of it whether the showrunner does it, I am sick of it whether people in real life or in fiction do it, and I am allowed to feel that way.

Two: I won't be insulting Manny Jacinto in any capacity. He's doing a good job as an actor. I have acknowledged in past posts that he is obviously an attractive man.

If you think Qimir is hot, please, by all means, feel free to sexualize him in the manner that others sexualize Thrawn or Maul or anyone else. I'm an advocate of self insert fanfiction and of course (within reason), would find nothing wrong with that.

I am generally not a villain-lover, but there is nothing wrong with finding villains attractive or compelling! I haven't said there is. I have said that there's a problem within fandom and now literally within the media itself, with recognizing when a young woman is being mistreated by someone, sometimes because a lot of you are far more lenient on attractive men. The reylo fandom took this about twenty steps too far from 2015-2019 to the point where if you ask some of them, they still don't think Kylo even WAS the villain, and Headland is rapidly encouraging fans to take that angle with Qimir though I have given evidence to the contrary in spades.

There is a lot to be said about whether or not fiction affects reality. I believe it does, but I obviously do not believe that liking an evil character makes you evil. That being said, while not all fiction has a moral, all fiction has a theme, and you as the audience do take lessons from themes, whether you realize it or not; it sticks with you and may help you form your opinion on a similar set of circumstances you may come face-to-face with later. Fiction affects our feelings on a situation. A disturbing theme I'm seeing a LOT of in Star Wars lately is men being cruel to women in one way or another and the women finding it attractive and acceptable. Of course, depiction is not automatically endorsement... until we have now literally seen this type of relationship fully endorsed by Lucasfilm showrunners and directors twice in a row. Tweens and teenage girls *will* watch the sequel trilogy and the acolyte... what are they taking away from it? From what the director or showrunner has said about it? Honestly, this is much less about fandom to me now, and more about how official creators are treating these dynamics.

Three and finally and most important: I'm sorry that you've been seeing things like that being said about Headland, I think that's bizarre, rude, and uncalled for. I often do not go looking in fandom spaces anymore so I have not seen this, but that doesn't mean it's not out there. I generally do not trust Headland's creative input anymore, nor do I necessarily even like her, HOWEVER, I have not and will not make any such comment on her sexuality as it has nothing to do with any of this. I don't know which post of mine they screenshot, and I'd like more information actually, if they are using my post to say I think those things too, but regardless, I would not say this about her, or about anyone, and I don't condone it.

This is absolutely not racially motivated from me and I want to make that absolutely clear. I have been vehemently anti-reylo since the day I learned it existed, so I hope that you do not feel as though I am speaking out against the way that the Osha and Qimir storyline has been handled out of such a place, and I would never want anything to come across that way in any of my analysis or critiques. You will find I usually have less to say about anidala, seeing as the majority of the fandom does not depict Anakin as "doing nothing wrong" in that relationship, nor does the source material, so I feel I do not have to explain as much as I do with reylo and now Osha/Qimir. I want to make that absolutely clear that this type of relationship being presented in this type of way is a huge red flag for me regardless of the races of the characters involved. If you refer to the fandom at large, I don't want to invalidate your experiences, and don't know what other people are saying or what their reasons are. Unfortunately the acolyte fandom has been riddled with homophobia and racism since before the first episode even aired, and I want to make it clear that I think all of that is entirely unacceptable and that my critiques have nothing to do with either of those hateful ideologies.

[sorcerous-caress]

Don't worry I'm definitely not rushing!! There's so much content and I'm still learning- stuff like wizards and warlocks scare me since they seem so complicated so I've been using Karlach and Lazael since they seem more straight forward for now. Astarion is definitely my favorite playstyle though- I've always loved Ninjas so being able to do 2 bonus actions is...*so* nice! Yeah- I can't say I'm surprised at the fixation 😅

Admittedly, I do absolutely adore him and am looking forward to writing for him; already have a fic in progress in fact- but I've seen a very similar thing happen to another character where he's either made entirely negative and insane or entirely positive and has to be "protected" when it's really a mix of both. Some parts of fandom I think are just like that 😅 Glad I found here and other more indie blogs who focus on npcs and niches though too so I get a wider variety!!

I'm so weak to being patronized and being talked to all condescending like and I just imagine this mean, bully male drow just targeting this crybaby Human in camp. They try to act all tough, but the drow just knows they're being a brat so he'll put them in their place. He's so damn *mean*- and he only gets worse when they run to their camp mates for help, or to hide. He steals your diary, telling you to "come get it" in a note he leaves them and they have no choice but to reluctantly leave their camp mates tent to go into the forest. It's dark- and even with their weapons, the Human's hypervigilant- but they still get taken off guard. Pulled back against a tree by their fragile little throat. Reading their most personal thoughts to blackmail them- ugh. Their crush in camp- how desperate they are, maybe even their secret kinks and desires? Gods, I'm so weak.

Oh God- or imagine a Human who's *scared* of the dark? Or a Drow who makes them scared of the dark by constantly frightening them during it? The predator/prey dynamic? *Please*. Also, self-indulgent(like all this *isn't* lmao-) because I'm sick atm and can't take large pills but Drow watching a Human work themself up to taking the medicine and just- taking it himself and then kissing them to force it in their mouth, not breaking it till they swallow, purple fingers dragging down their throat to make them shiver and raise thier shoulders. You've ruined me author. I can't do this. 😭 When I transfer my side blog to my new main blog I may have to write something for this dynamic because of you. So glad I could make your day a little brighter like you do ours lovely! Thank you for all that you do, as always! Sorry this is so long- the writer inspiration hit out of nowhere lol ❤️ -S

Fuck yeah ninja Astarion, let's fucking go!

That sounds wonderful anon, feel free to share your fic whenever you're finished <3 I'm sure it will be amazing.

And god yes, you get it, the whole human kink thing. Especially how condcending the elves would be with it, fuck especially the drows who already think they're above other elves.

Like maybe the other species keep their restraints a bit while in the party with the human, as much as their mind runs wild, they attempt to show some decorum and dignity. Only act like the perverts they are when the human isn't watching.

But once the male drow joins them? He's picking on the pathetic little human on his first day. Pulling and picking at your clothes, asking if humans really just walk around wearing slutty clothes all day?

He probably gets off on tormenting you, reminding you how he's hundreds of years older than you so you should shush your pretty little mouth and let him do what he wants, afterall aren't you humans so obsessed with showing respect for age? Then show him the respect he deserves whenever he pulls you on his lap, out of the blue and without a care to whoever is watching.

It's like second nature to him how casually he demeans your entire being, everything you ever hoped to achieved he probably has already, every place you wanted to see or travel to he has already seen, most historical events you read about he has lived through himself.

So in every way, he tells you that he clearly better than you. So don't go whining whenever he steals your diary and taunts you with all of your embarrassing secrets, or whenever he takes something precious from you and make you beg for him to give it back.

He teaches you some words in drow elvish, excepts they're completely not what he told you they meant. Watching you confidently call yourself his personal slut when you thought you were saying something else. Refuses to give you his name, makes you use all of these titles that are so humiliating to yell outloud midbattle, but he won't help you if you don't use them so poor you.

[silenttransbian]

I have been out for 4 years and never gave myself the space to express myself properly so i am making it for myself today

(first vent post so apologies for messiness lol)

tw// r*pe, transphobia, parental trauma, not sure what else but idk its heavy for me so just heads up

since i came out my life has changed insurmountably and it has all been terribly overwhelming. ive never really been one to use social media aside from horrifically embarrassing teenage shitposting, so ive just sort of let it all mount up and carried it around. i have a couple of transmasc house mates who i am terribly grateful for and consider them to be family but it has ultimately been terribly lonely not being aroud or talking to other transfems.

i will almost definitely talk about it in more detail on here at some point, but to keep things simple for now, i had very little control over how i came out to my family. it just sort of got revealed to my mum who insisted that my dad and brother (who didn't live with me, messy divorce) would never accept me and otherwise she was very unreactive initially. she feigned support whilst keeping it a secret from everyone in our immediate family but told lots of her friends for about 3 months but had expressed very negative views of trans women before so it felt very false to me. in january 2021 she decided she didnt support my "decision", as well as shouting at me for not telling her i had been r*ped and blamed everything on my dad. i didnt feel safe in her house anymore, so even though it was the middle of a covid-19 lockdown in the uk i had to take all of my belongings with me across almost the whole of england to get myself back to my uni campus. it was easily the worst day of my life and the hardest thing i ever had to do and i havent spoken to her since. i broke my collar bone as a young teenager and carrying all my stuff like that has made it hurt all the time, and i find it so hard not to think about it all whenever the pain is really bad. i was at university for animation, something i had always wanted to do my entire life. i could not bring myself to go to classes for the entire year so i deferred to the next. then i still couldnt bring myself to come in for most of the year. for some reason they didnt kick me out despite my attendance so i tried again the second year, and it went better but i was still really disappointed in myself. in my third year, things got complicated. i started to try really hard and believe i might be getting somewhere. i was the only person in my whole course that was doing traditional animation, my course was advertised as supporting traditional animation but i was not given a tutor so i was totally alone to try and fit my assignments to my limited skillset and resources. i had some ideas for projects i was really passionate about and started to develop and then it happened again and i got overwhelmed and decided i really couldnt do it anymore so i stopped going entirely. during this time i have also wrestled with the fact that i knew deep down that i am a lesbian. recently i have given up fighting it and have accepted that i am a lesbian, i think being on estrogen for one month as of today has played a big part in that, as it has rekindled my emotions and i just cannot fight that feeling anymore. but it has also brought on a terrible loneliness that i think i was suppressing beforehand too, and it has just made me feel incredibly lost. i am really happy somewhere in there about it, but it is overshadowed by a terrible sadness that i have let myself hide away this whole time. it has filled my heart to the brim with love and i feel like i have nowhere to put it and i just want to scream. i have been so scared to say any of this anywhere to anyone for fear of burdening people but i cant keep it inside anymore so i want to shout about it here because i have nowhere else to do it. so if youre reading this i am sorry for taking your time, just know it means the world that anyone even knows any of this and that bending your hypothetical ear will hopefully ease the load even if just for a moment.

[cerealmonster15]

MWAHAHAHAA UNO REVERSE CARD 1 & 8 YOULL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

wh- hey- HEY COME BACK do NOT make me add a Draw Four Cards in the same color to your pile!!! COME BACK HERE AND TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS!!!!!

not yet tho. it's my turn 😌 going for twst for both of these 🕺

sorry. i talked a lot. this is why no one else sent me questions probably. bc i can and will do it again given the chance 🧡

1- the character everyone gets wrong

i. 🧍 ok so ive been more in my bubble lately so perhapeth my frothing at the mouth will be a bit more outdated idk. im scared of the main tags LOL but. ahem, i am torn between wanting to pick riddle, maybe cater, or ROOK. im a rook apologist til the day i die i s2g. however i am a heartslabyul stan first and a person second, as i have said many a time, so im going with CATER MY BELOVED CAYCAY ACTUALLY.

listen i admit here that i could also be Fully Wrong bc tbh cater's whole Deal is so vaguely hinted at and peppered in at the most spaced out moments and we know so very little about his Secret Sadness and more somber side, there's probably more that we still dont know that maybe [I HOPE] they will spring on us over time. however. HOWEVER. i do not think cater's sunshine upbeat persona is 100% "Fake". like i think there's more to it. yes sure he is implied to be putting on more of a peppy face for the sake of people around him and gets exhausted by it, but i dont think that means it's ALL A LIE and that the sad boy cater is the REAL cater. like i think it's all real, to an extent? something i really like about twst are how, at least to me, everyone seems to be pretty well rounded and multifaceted. there's not really a one note character. everyone's got their own personality and backstory and some we just have learned more about than others. but the way they react to certain situations and certain people and certain environments... just like in real life, it's going to change sometimes depending on the situation. so maybe he masks a bit and pushes out the negativity bc he's def the mediator type who tries to keep up morale, but i dont think that means he's never once experienced Real Joy in his life. i know the lab story with the madrake had those more morose sadlad mandrakes he desperately wanted to hide from lilia and vil [even tho they saw right through him] but the other ones he made still reflected him too! aspects of him, for better or for worse. i'm just saying i don't think it's gotta be all or nothing. there's def more to him under the surface, but i don't think that means everything he shows is all a complete lie forever either.

to follow up on that, i ALSO don't agree w/the depiction that his friendships mean nothing to him / are also all "fake". listen. i have reread cater's wish from the starsending event SEVERAL times. i know. IT HURTS where trey implies he thinks cater isn't being fully open and honest with him. I KNOW. and the bit in cater's halloween card story (i'm pretty sure it was cater's anyway) where he thinks to himself that lilia has no idea what kind of helplessness he's feeling bc lilia has his diasomnia long term friends and cater's had to move around so much so he's never had that, and it kinda seemed implied that his old friends dont really keep in touch til hes relevant on magicam for the stuff going on in school . i get it! HOWEVER. i think it's again a more complex situation. i think, personally, cater as he's said few times in canon - he likes to live in the moment and make memories! but i don't think those good memories are fake. i think you can enjoy people's company and love them a whole lot and still keep them at a bit of a distance. i think cater does mask some of his more serious feelings, as trey implied he suspected. i think cater probably does get tired of being the mediator. i think being the third in command at heartslabyul is exhausting and cater's a teen boy with a lot of complicated feelings, but i think he has fun with lilia and kalim in pop music club. i think he and trey are genuine friends - they roomed together for 2 years! i think he loves teasing his little freshmen buddies like a big brother lol. i'm about to go on about riddle and cater in the next question but fkljsdfjlkse.

yes cater holds back, but i dont think that means he's never expressed genuine feelings either!!!

8- common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

i am biting anyone that tries to imply cater and riddle arent friends or that trey prefers riddle over cater!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LISTEN listen listen. ok i get that it can be an interesting concept to explore of the potential tension between cater riddle and trey w/like childhood friends trey and riddle but then bestie 3rd years trey and cater but then riddle shows up and takes control- i get it! i dont necessarily think it's wrong to explore that potential area.

however. HOWEVER. we are talking about MY options and thoughts and feelings on beloved heartslabyul LOL. And I think cater and riddle ARE FRIENDS!!!!!!! i think all three of them!!!! are!!!!! FRIENDS!!!!!!!! THEY GET ALONG THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!!!! some people portray riddle as being annoyed with cater or whatever and like , on one hand riddle is annoyed at many things and caycay's kind of a goofball so like yeah to a degree that's true LOL but!!!! BUT!!!!! riddle trusts cater. riddle likes cater!!! if you've read the heartslabyul card stories as many times as i have fjlksjkejs you would KNOW that riddle trusts cater enough to have him and trey at his side constantly and gives them BOTH roles of leading the underclassmen for stuff like preparing for the unbirthday parties!! and when he's having his little meltdowns in book 1, trey and cater were the ones he had kind of on the front lines of ejecting ace or whatever klsjfv they are his trusted boys!!! AND in halloween 2 when cater was missing, riddle said usually he'd get on cater's case for talking too much (lol) but he, along with trey and ace, were 😔😔😔 making the saddest of faces as he said it felt weird to NOT hear cater making his jokes to lighten the mood, and trey ALSO commented on how cater's usually there to smooth things over. cater is a mediator and a morale booster and he is recognized as such!!

plus!!! riddle made a point in his dorm outfit story of helping cater study, as he does with all the heartslabyul boys that are struggling, but in a way cater could understand. he literally made a magicam and used it exclusively to help cater focus better and learn in a way that worked for him. like yea he loses his temper, bc hes Like That, but he ALSO cares. he also tries! he's got his flaws but he's still in spite of those flaws doing what he can to try and understand the people around him and especially his TRUSTED FRIENDS LIKE CATER!!!!

and trey loves cater too!!! they are friends!!! yes yes whatever i read the cater gym story where trey goes "u and me are tight but riddle and i are tighter as his housewarden lol" listen to me. LISTEN TO ME. grabbing u all by the shoulders and shaking you so much LISTENNNNNNNNNNNN. again i get it that it can be fun to explore that further of like "ough he chooses riddle over cater cater is all alone" and like im not the fun police people can do what they want. HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i do not think it was That Deep. like maybe it was, maybe a little bit. but i did not read that as "trey doesnt care about cater" or anything like that. i very much see trey and cater's bond as like easygoing well oiled machine but also with a lot of banter and teasing. trey has said on a home screen line (i wanna say it's his ceremony robes card) that he and cater's friendship just kinda naturally fell into place bc cater's really easy to get along with and trey feels like he can be himself around him [which yes coupled with the line he says in starsending about how he feels like maybe cater's got more personal wishes that maybe he doesnt feel like he can share with Trey Specifically is. painful. LOL] and actually!!! in both their ceremony robes stories they are together and trey is teasing cater i think lol. like in cater's they're doing the guessing game of which dorm each student would get sorted into. theyre playing a game!!! cater's being silly sometimes and treys kinda shaking his head at him for some of his comments, but theyre getting along and are comfortable and it's a lighthearted thing. then in trey's story, theyre panicking about how the roses arent painted how they should be, trey says caters gotta split card and go for it and is like "lol thanks for ur sacrifice ♥", caters like THATS EXHAUSTINGGGGGG and treys like "yea yea ill listen to you complain all you want later". and trey smiles to himself at caters magicam post right after! it's endearing. panic together, solutions together, complaining and teasing but ultimately they work well together! they are friends who get along! trey is kind of a goofy guy but it's not as apparent, but i think we see it a little more especially within heartslabyul and especially with cater. maybe thats part of what he means by feeling like he can be more relaxed and stuff around cay. god theres so much of cater and trey being absolute besties - even grim and lilia have separate lines commenting on how theyre like bffs. grim mentions it in the scalding sands event, something about how it's no surprise that cater invited trey to come on the trip. and lilia in book 5 straight up says [in the engtwst translation] "I'm surprised you didn't invite your partner, Trey." and then i mean yea cater immediately is like "wahhh i DID but hes busy helping riddle he rejected meeee we are rejected buddiessss" and later is like "wahhh riddle stole trey away~!!!" when theyre checking on everything lol. BUT i think a lot of that is like just caycay bein silly and trey not only had other obligations but also was likely not going to want to do a performance thing anyway [trey even says later like 'i told you im bad at song and dance lol'] fsjklejkf like i dont think it's that deep here, i think cay was just havin a goof complaining and wanting to hang with his buddies lol. but my point was lilia basically being like "hey man where is your other half that you are constantly with" BECAUSE THEY ARE FRIENDS!!!

ok. ive. been typing for like an hour or so JKLjfldjsf I AM SO SORRY I LOVE TALKING ABOUT CHARACTERS SO MUCH I CANNOT BE BRIEF ABOUT THESE STUPID PIXEL BOYS!!! THEY MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! thank u for enabling me 😌

[VIOLENCE QUESTIONS] [if this essay wasnt enough LOL]

[doberbutts]

I wonder if the hate watch/follow/read stuff is largely based in the internet idea of "you [general] like x y z person/book/show/character that's "bad/problematic/cringe" so that means YOU [general] are "bad/problematic/cringe.""

Where the person claiming to hate whatever it is or only watch/read/follow ironically genuinely does actually enjoy it but doesn't want to be lumped into the potential negative perception. More of a cover your ass situation in case the mob comes out than genuinely disliking something while continuing to consume it.

I'm sure a good chunk of it is just enjoying the drama, but I do wonder if a lot of it is just claiming you hate something for deniability. Considering the internet seems incapable of distinguishing liking an artist's work, a character, etc while still condemning their actions/morals/the subject.

I'm sure some of it's complicated purity feelings stuff but it's still weird to me. Maybe I am too neurodivergent to understand doing this.

Like. Initially when the new terfwizards game was announced, I was skeptical but interested in pirating or buying secondhand when it would no longer give any money to the author in question- a way to enjoy the work without giving money to the person who wants me dead. Paying some kid on craigslist a couple bucks when he got bored running around hogwarts sounded like a fair deal. Then when the plot leaked I went "lol nevermind" and that was that. I'm not tempted to watch playthroughs of it or really anything else, even out of spite. It sounds bad, so I'm not interested. I'm not going to watch someone stream it just so I can confirm that I was right to hate it. It's Blood Libel Simulator coming from Queen TERF and her mega right wing dev team, I have enough information to make an educated guess that I will dislike it on principal.

Same with the new Velma show. It sounded like a stupid idea to make a Scooby show without, you know, Scooby so even though I would have been interested in a 3/4 cast of color Scooby Doo, I didn't watch. And now I'm hearing all sorts of stupid shit about it and, yeah, that's why I didn't watch it. I knew I wouldn't like it so I didn't bother. I'm not going to make myself suffer through something I'm pretty sure I'm not going to like.

Anyway that post was because there's someone in the fandom tags doing a bizarrely antagonistic reading of the Witcher books and basically bad-faithing everything so when I looked at their blog I just see them doing it in fandom after fandom and I'm kinda like. Okay you clearly aren't a big fan of this style of fantasy so why are you continuing to read these types of books? Go read what you want to read since this clearly isn't your thing.

Like I'm not saying any of these things don't have their flaws. Even the media I do like and engage with has its flaws. But! To me it's different to clearly *like something* yet still want it to be different because you feel it would be better that way, which is honest criticism, vs a continued barrage of "man why did I even bother I knew I'd hate this". If I know I'll hate something I just don't engage with it! Easy peasy.

[golbrocklovely]

I think what’s upsetting to people the most about all this is they feel like they were lied to. Like “I didn’t know SnC acted this way” or “they seem so nice and down to earth”. Truth is: social media, in any form, is mostly fake. Yes there are real elements to it but for the most part things posted on there are fake. Creators post things they WANT you to see and will make them money.

I think the Gabby Petito case is the perfect example. She posted happy photos all the time. How great it was living in a van and how happy she was with her fiancé and it was all a lie. People who followed her were shocked he killed her and was abusive. She never showed it in posts.

You have to create a false narrative because truthfully, real life is boring. No ones going to watch videos of people being real and dealing with real life problems. We all live that. You’d rather see someone go to a haunted place (which are businesses so, that should be telling right there how “real” these places are) and ‘act’ scared or shocked. It’s entertainment. Entertainment isn’t real.

Moral of this post is this: 99% of the things on the internet and social media is BS. Take everything with a grain of salt and don’t believe everything you hear or see on the internet/sm. If you do believe everything on the internet/SM, go out side more. Really, go enjoy the real world. For the most part, it’s pretty cool and will always be real.

this could get into such a longer discussion with so many tangent topics, so i'll try to be as concise as possible lol

you are right about this feeling of being lied to, but i think bc it goes in two different directions, it makes this situation more complicated than it really is, imo.

but i also want to note that i personally don't feel lied to. but i get that other fans do feel this way.

first, you have the fans that put snc on this weird pedestal as these pristine, perfect angels that never do anything wrong and are the perfect gentlemen who would never say something bad about anyone. and the issue with that is putting someone that high up as a saint, they are doomed to fall or break your idea of them. but i also feel like these things aren't mutually exclusive. as i've said before, even the nicest ppl can be assholes sometimes. no one is on their A game all the time. good ppl have off days too. but just bc you act like an asshole once doesn't mean you are an asshole.

for example, having a negative thought about someone doesn't make you a bad person. it's what comes after that thought that can change the path you're on. i could think badly about someone, but if i take it back in my head or even think "oh that was a bit harsh" then that means that i am a good person, who just sometimes has bad thoughts or is judgmental. and snc being immature in this instance, but then apologizing and paying back what they broke is proof they are good ppl, just ones that make immature choices sometimes.

i think it's the ppl, both fans and haters alike, that immediately think this one off instance is proof of a deeper problem are the ones that put snc on an unattainable pedestal. so snc were bound to disappoint them at some point (or in the case of those that hate them, prove them right).

then the opposite side of this is the ppl that are surprised and feel lied to that sam (which was actually seth) would say "all of this shit is fake" / them acting calmer off camera than on. i'm gonna be honest, like i said before (but a bit more blunter the first time around), if you genuinely believe that snc would just ever so casually admit in a random house half way thru an investigation that everything they have been doing for the past couple years, what they have MADE their careers about, is a lie and they are fooling their audience by keeping this ruse up……. i don't think we have anything to discuss. bc one, you have absolutely no common sense or ability to think critically. and two, you already had your mind made up on snc and this was just the "proof" you needed to justify your beliefs.

(not saying this directed at you, anon. just the "you" in general to everyone else)

i've stated before in the past that while yes, snc ham it up, i don't think they outright lie. snc collab with too many ppl that would somehow have to keep the secret quiet, and there's just no way that would happen. snc have money, but not enough to pay off ppl to keep quiet. not to mention a lot of ppl they have collabed with are skeptics, so what do they have to gain by keeping up snc's shtick if it wasn't true? and i would like to argue that while snc definitely do the most when the camera's on, that doesn't mean that they are fake or frauds for doing that.

everyone acts different around other ppl, depending on comfortability. you act one way around your family, another around friends, another around colleagues, another around strangers, ect. does that mean these tweaks in your personality, to save your ass from being completely exposed for something you would rather keep hidden, makes you fake? no, it doesn't. and the same can be said for snc. if they acted like their true selves, it wouldn't be completely entertaining. not only that, they would get eaten alive for their insecurities and everything else in between if they bared it all for everyone to see. i mean, that still happens so in the long run, it's better for them to put on a mask that is similar enough to them, but isn't quite them, to both be entertaining and to keep a distance between them and watchers.

but i think it's wrong to assume that bc they ham it up for the camera that somehow that means the content they create is fake. you can act over the top and still get real evidence. you can act calm as shit and still fake stuff. i think it's a silly argument to try and make, personally.

this also doesn't even get into the talk of what is someone's "true" self? is my true self who i am when i'm alone, or who i am around other ppl? is there even such a thing as a true self to begin with?

also, not to get into what would be an even BIGGER conversation, but haunted locations being business kinda has to be a thing bc one, no one would know they existed if it was just a random family or whatever living in a space. and two, we live in a capitalist society, money is important and everyone needs it to survive. of course ppl will try to profit off of this type of thing, but that doesn't mean that these businesses are fake inherently. it just means ppl need money to survive. maybe if we lived in a society that didn't value money so much we would be able to have places like this exist for free but that's just not gonna happen, especially not anytime soon.

and i do not agree whatsoever with "entertainment isn't real". entertainment is very much real, or at the very least is based in reality enough to be real. when you tell stories of things you experienced, do you tell it 100% verbatim how it happened? bc even then you're not telling the real story, you're telling it thru your eyes, or your truth. most ppl when they explain something that happened to them, they tweak it a little. maybe they're a bit more dramatic, maybe they fib a bit to be funnier, maybe they overexaggerate, but that doesn't mean what happened to them didn't happen. it still did, but it's thru their eyes. bc you and i could experience the same thing exactly, but i might see it differently than you. does that mean i'm not telling the "real" story? no. a lot of entertainment is based off of real events: music, movies, youtube videos, whatever. a lot of it actually happened. of course, molding it into a way to make it more entertaining doesn't mean it wasn't real, unless it was something that just completely didn't happen at all.

snc go to actual places and get actual evidence. whether or not that evidence is bc a machine malfunction or if a ghost is touching it is up to the audience and snc. bc plenty of times snc can paint this idea of the rempod going off as real, but there are many others that will just see it as a malfunction or them clicking a button they apparently have to make it go off. it depends what you really believe. bc i believe that a rempod could be getting touched by something there, but i also think it can malfunction too.

i get why fans feel lied to in some way. i don't personally agree with it, but i understand it. my complaint is that what actually happened is that some of these fans put them on a pedestal that they were just never gonna actually be able to reach. snc have flaws, like all of us do. we all make mistakes and dumb choices we wish we could take back. a one off is not proof of a pattern. a one off is not proof of a deeper problem. and i think setting snc on a standard so high that we don't even put ourselves to is a bit hypocritical.

[night-market-if]

I'm the first anon who sent the question, and I'm sorry that my ask opened a can of worms, it was never my intention to make you uncomfortable, because like I said I really admire you and your work. I know this project is still a WIP and you are still developing all the aspects, like other anons said YOU are the author and we should respect whatever you decide, I know MC is not a blank state and I'm sorry if my question portrayed otherwise, I was just genuinely curious. I know what it's like to lost someone you love, and I say love because no matter what, a part of you will always love that person, so, I understand what the anon said about Milo and Malcom, I'm not trying to make it seem like just because Milo is with MC, he doesn't love Malcom, grief is complicated, and it does not mean that just because you are with another person, you stop loving your previous significant other. At the end of the day this is your story, your characters and your world, and I will wait patiently for whatever you decide, because while I love the romance in the story, I love the characters first, and you should do whatever you think is right for them. Sorry for all the problems, and I wish you luck with everything 💖

So let me state, your question did not cause any bad feelings for me. None at all. It was a genuine question and one that I'm sure others had as well. I really didn't mind answering it. The only thing that I was sad about was that I couldn't give you a good answer. LOL! I have no animosity or hatred towards you or that question and I welcome those things and discussions. You asked respectfully. I think neither of us could anticipate the can of worms afterwards but that is not your fault at all. People should never be afraid of asking their questions on here and anything that follows from others, is not a reflection on them.

Upon thinking about it, I think I have a lot of new readers. I think I have a lot of readers that don't know me well and didn't expect for me to answer them when they sent in negative content. And to be fair, there are some that I just delete because the negativity is based so far in their own issues that I don't respond. I'm not upset about last night and I do think it was a conversation that was going to end up happening no matter what. I'm sorry your innocent ask started it but, I really need you to understand anon, I'm not angry. Nor will I ever be angry about curiosity within my story. My way of writing and telling a story is not the only way and if it is something that doesn't mesh with a reader then I want them to know that because there are so many wonderful authors out there that could satisfy their needs.

I am not upset. I wish I had a better answer to everything and that is frustration on my own end, but I am not upset at you. You readers are what has made this game so wildly successful and I will never be mad at curiosity.

With love,

Zinnia

[prophecydungeon]

not quite to the date (yet) but ten years ago i posted a fic that is somehow still sitting on the front page of results by kudos and by bookmarks for the most popular ship in the most popular fandom on AO3 and i still don't know how that happened.

like... really genuinely truly i don't know what kind of WILD perfect-storm-level shit was going on to make this happen. the original post got eleven whole notes here on tungle (yeah i checked lmao). i am not, actually, a very Doing Numbers blogger or writer, nor had i ever been, nor will i ever be. as far as i know, there wasn't any wildass six degrees of separation thing that happened where someone very Doing Numbers made it Do Numbers. i didn't "advertise" it or anything (ppl who make fic graphics and have a posting/rbing/rting schedule.. i could never lmao), i didn't post it on every site known to man, i didn't tag it to hell, i didn't really do anything. it just fucking happened. and it's still happening!!! and i am just so fucking baffled. how did this happen. why are there people making tiktoks about this fic in the year of our lord 2022. how??????

i have a lot of very complicated feelings about this fic, with a lot of them boiling down to just, like, brain chemicals being very stupid, and i know that logically it's just brain chemicals gone bad! but it's still hard to shake ten (10!) years of feeling like my growth in writing is being constantly undercut by this thing that's created its own gravity well to keep sucking in kudos and comments when just about everything i've written since has been Better™ (which again, logically, i know is untrue -- i write for fandoms now that are relatively VERY small lol so of course nothing is ever going to Do Numbers again like this)

this fic was something i wrote after a very difficult-to-process series of events, so it was complete and utter wish fulfillment and it felt so good to write. the flip side of this, which in retrospect really soured the fic for me, is that i tried my damndest to live out the life i wrote in this fic. i went to grad school for linguistics two years later and TA'd, Just Like The Fic. it was supposed to be great! and those turned out to be the two most miserable years of my life. maybe not specifically because i was trying to live a daydream, but that disparity didn't help (though my friends certainly did). so in a way, aeiw is this image of a failed dream -- i'm not in linguistics as a field, not even remotely, and i likely never will be; i don't want to ever go back to academia, even though i will likely need to get another masters (derogatory) in my current field at some point.

BUT. i promised that this is not a negative post so i will pivot here to say very genuinely that i am so, so grateful to all the friendships and good times this fic has brought me. thank you to all the people i met because of this fic or while writing it. thank you to everyone who's gotten to know me for totally different reasons/fandoms/etc and then been like WAIT A SECOND. (it's so funny, every time.) thank you to everyone who's ever left kudos and said a kind word. (i still get kudos emails nearly every day just for this fic.)

and thank you to the incredibly beautiful personal anecdotes people have left on this fic, holy shit. i have a folder in my email for those specifically. here are some excerpts from comments that made me tear up:

Hey, so...you probably don't still read comments on this fic because it's so old and so wildly popular*, but I hope you see this. [...] I just started my first year of University as a Linguistics major, and I know for a fact that I wouldn't have figured out what I wanted to study had I never read this fic. I've always had trouble with school, and struggled to find subjects that weren't wildly difficult or insanely boring-until Linguistics. Now, I'm excited to learn and pursue my degree-maybe even a master's eventually. I just wanted to say thank you for this sweet story that stuck with me for all of these years, and helped me find what I want to do.

*i do. i read every single comment. every single one.

[...] Reading this, I don't understand how anyone could say that you, the writer, did this alone and will only ever be alone for this story.** I mean, we're separated by computer screens, but I feel that I was transported into your story in a way that transcends what is expected of the written word. Maybe this is my biased opinion as someone who has grown up in a secondary orality culture, but I just had to let you know that this story was more than the written word is often perceived to be. If that makes sense. I felt like I was there, getting the story and so caught up that I couldn't stop reading. And you might not be the narrator, but you're essentially god and you breathed life into these characters and I'm so in awe of you. You make it seem so easy! What's worse is I know it's not, so here I am, seeing something unfold with what looks like practiced ease when I know just how much work you've put into writing to get you to this point. I'm so proud of you! And it feels silly to say but I am, and I wanted you to know. [...]

**this is one of the most incredible things anyone has ever said to me.

[...] I first read this a long time ago (at least 6 years) when I was really Going Through It and this fic - specifically Dean - really resonated with me.*** It gave me an inkling (pun intended) of hope. And it was the first positive representation of tattoos that I'd seen. I started planning tattoos I wanted soon after reading this, using them the way Dean does in this to identify the important and best things in my life and figure out how to represent them and always have them with me. I just got my third done and I love all of them. So thank you for the impact that you've had on my life, and for writing such a wonderful story.

***i was really Going Through It as well. i'm doing great now and i hope you are too.

thank you to past me for writing this fic and finishing something "long" (lol..... lmao). thank you to past me for writing unabashed wish fulfillment, something i would lose the capability to do for a long time (dw, i got it back). thank you to this fic for irrevocably fucking up my AO3 statistics.

so anyways, ten years on i'm doing great. new career. new gender. new fursona. i live in a super cool area. i got like seven anime figures of this one horrendous guy. my sick tattoos have gotten even sicker. here's a portrait of the author for good measure:

and here are some fun facts about the fic that idr if i've ever shared before:

the scene at the very end where cas goes to get tattooed by dean? my beta wrote that for me. yes, the whole scene. thank you.

i don't remember who it was that carried a bike up some stairs but i always hefted my bike up onto my shoulder when walking it up my outside stairs so i pictured whoever that was doing it too (and i still have that bike! i refurb'd it last year!)

i think i own every vinyl i mentioned... i think

i definitely own led zeppelin's entire discography on vinyl

i finally bought a pair of rough-faced amethyst plugs for myself, something like two years ago? took me a while to get there

that sex scene was in there because i felt like i "had to" include one lmaoooo i had no idea what i was doing and i've written way better p*rn since then

when i turned 24 i did actually listen to 4 + 20 by csny first thing in the morning

soooo much of the tattoo and piercing stuff was so fucking pretentious of me.... but really, be thorough when looking for piercers and tattoo artists, stay safe, there are a lot of great resources out there

i actually pretty legitimately don't like showing my tattoos irl just because people can be really annoying/weird but i also just enjoy wearing long pants and long sleeves lol

...also yeah i do dress Like That. unironically.

some things i have written since then that i am very proud of:

P vs NP, RvB

the more i run (the farther away it seems), destiny

quema, bleach

in the details (not the devil), haikyuu!!

apsidial precession, destiny

and so in conclusion........ thank you. but i'm still baffled.

[shipcestuous]

Oh lol, that ask about hypocritical Daemyra shippers hit so hard, I couldn't help but cringe/laugh in sympathy. I'm so sorry if that happened in a fanspace you frequent, anon!! But it really reminded me of one of the reasons I don't interact much with HOTD fandom besides besides reblogging art and memes and discussing the show with a friend.

See, I like a lot of different ship in HOTD, and you'd be hard-pressed to find any I actually dislike even if I am indifferent to some. So it's especially weird to me when shipwars between Aemond/Alys and Aemond/Helaena fans turn from "Our ships is canon in the books!" "Well, our ship might still be canon in the show!" to declaring that Aemond/Alys would necessarily HAVE to be depicted as abusive on one side and bashing the brosis shippers as degenerate freaks for daring to ship incest in a show where the main canon ship is uncle/nice on the other. And then I've also seen at least a couple of Aemond/Alys fans take that even further by preemptively worrying that the greedy, nasty incest shippers will take their ship and make it all about Oedipal onesided Aemond/Alicent undertones... which, as much as I love both ships between troubled younger men and witchy older women AND momson ships, and as much as I am that rare breed of shipper who enjoys multiple interesting ships being connected together by one of the characters involved having a type or unrequieted feelings or other stuff like that, I could actually sympathize with because having fanworks and discussions for your ships overtaken by another ship you don't even like does suck. But again, why the weird focus on the incest angle in the show where THE MAIN CANON SHIP is uncle/niece?! XD

And that's not even mentioning the hate I've seen other people spew about, again, Aemond/Alicent AND Aegon/Alicent. "Something something why take genuinely fascinating parent/child relationships and "warp" them into incest," as I'm sure you can imagine. ... it actually reminds me of people crying out in outrage over slash ships, or even some friends-to-lovers het ships with dynamics that go beyond typical Hollywood ideas of romance. The assumption that adding a romantic or sexual element, even just in fanon rather than canon, will necessarily "ruin" a well-written, interesting relationship - rather than allow fans to explore it in new contexts and settings, appreciating its complexity and nuances while looking at them in a different light and through different means.

And then there's all the Modern AU Daemyra fics where they're not related... which may of course be entirely motivated by a simple wish to explore the dynamic between Daemon and Rhaenyra without the burden of legacy and the mess of family drama weighing on them, just enjoying their passion without additional complications. But it does make me chuckle in a vaguely exasperated way giving everything else...

Sorry for the rant. I'm not really mad about it, as I'm used to doing my things in my own little corner of fandom, but sometimes it does make me want to ask those people "you DO realize we are all watching the same Dragon Family Incest Show, RIGHT?!" XD

[x]

I hate to see fandom bringing out the worst in people when, in theory, it's not impossible for us all to just be having fun and enjoying our show. In theory, in a perfect world, we could all just ship and let ship.

What I really wish some people on tumblr would learn is just how to keep their mouth shut. Some thoughts you can just keep to yourself. Maybe the world would be a better place if you didn't say the thing. A lot of the hate I see just snowballs. One Aemond/Alys shipper says something negative about Helaemond, a Helaemond shipper remarks on it - this is just an example - then that remark gets traction, leading to someone saying something negative about Aemon and Alys, and now all of the sudden both ships are under attack and there's a ship war. If Person A had just not made that post, if Person B had just ignored what Person A had said, it might not have gotten ugly on such a big scale. Never underestimate the power of just ignoring.

And of course when you've got incest ships in the mix, the other side is going to come out in full force to condemn it. That might work in other fandoms, but this is ASOIAF, and this is the incest show. The incest shippers are not crazy.

The assumption that adding a romantic or sexual element, even just in fanon rather than canon, will necessarily "ruin" a well-written, interesting relationship - rather than allow fans to explore it in new contexts and settings, appreciating its complexity and nuances while looking at them in a different light and through different means.

THIS.

Like shipping something romantically is some eraser that comes along and erases everything that's unique and interesting about a relationship. Um, no.

It creates new layers!

Modern unrelated AU:

[indiemovies]

I want the scooby opinions !!!

Not having scooby = unforgivable for Me

THANK YOU i take this opportunity very seriously

ok firstly: i completely agree!!! i mean, they could EASILY have scooby be there and just not talk! but, also, like.....why shy away from the silliness, the cartoon-y nature of it all......if you are a cartoon!!! i know it's made for adults but i mean. i sincerely doubt a dog saying ruh roh every now and then would turn off the adult audience tuning in to watch THE NEW SCOOBY DOO SHOW! i am not a big fan of taking of shows made for children and making them into hard r, for adults stuff. that's just my personal opinion, but it never translates well, it alienates every possible audience, and it comes off as goofier than if they had just played it silly. i genuinely think the live action movies are the perfect example of how to age something up without making it unwatchable for kids, and, more importantly, not getting rid of the humor and hijinks that the show was built on!

i like the character redesigns for the velma show (although i think the animation style is a bit generic and i agree that shaggy's hair is too clean cut LOL) and for the most part i like the casting EXCEPT FOR shaggy and fred which is CRAZY bc sam and glenn are easily two of my favorite comedic actors working today... i just dont know how well they fit the roles? although i think it is very unfair to judge them before i hear them so this may be a total nonissue it was just the main thing that jumped out to me. i really wouldnt care too much but already hearing from people who saw the first ep and seem to not like velma's characterization it concerns me i wont lie. velma is NOT mean (and she wouldnt call the cops over something @ multi versus)!!! she is dorky and driven and definitely very snarky and maybe slightly arrogant but i dont know if she has such a hard edge. i hope the teaser is just poking fun at the audience response and wont be her actual characterization in the show. also slightly unrelated but i just scrolled through the entire velma twitter account and given that the gimmick is that she's the one posting it all i feel the need to say: it does not matter what year it is, velma would suck ass at social media. like if she had a twitter she would use it retweet scientific articles and post pictures of bugs!!!! that's all

and of course, the main event, lesbian velma. i do just want to say i know that most pieces of scooby media are standalones, so velma not being gay in her show does not invalidate her lesbianism in the new movie. however i think it is a huge missed opportunity to not have her be a lesbian in the show that is made for adults and can probably much more easily get away with that given that it is something that has been so heavily theorized about and wanted. that being said, i do have a sneaking suspicion she will be bi in the show (honestly just guttural instinct + tweet about her kissing PEOPLE, not just boys, in the show) which is great if true! but lesbian velma will always be something near and dear to my heart so it is the piece of canon i will probably always hold onto. but apparently she has a crush on FRED???? and is beefing with DAPHNE over it?????? that is just. so. ooc. for like everyone involved. and so mean to people who care about the daphne and velma dynamic? like i love a complicated female relationship, but a) that is just not them, and b)OVER A BOY? OVER FRED??? FRED JONES??????

enough velma hbo talk (though i feel so bad for being so negative, i despise hate trains before stuff even comes out so i will say i will definitely give it a chance and i like that they are doing something different with it and having some fun with the characters and premise!!) i have not seen trick or treat scooby doo YET but i really like the animation and the velma scenes<3333 so perfect

AND that is just everything off the top of my head MWAH LOVE YOU

[finsterhund]

Had so much respect for the pediatric psychiatrist in The Boogeyman (a longer with more characters adaptation of the Stephen King short story) until she uncritically brings out the exposure therapy. Not only is she doing exposure therapy with this child who is grieving her mother's death on top of everything else, but a strange man fucking died in her house and she saw the police removing the body and she's having traumatic episodes in the house when left alone. Come on lady. Triage or whatever the fuck. Childhood phobias are almost always either a healthy part of developing response to fear and go away on their own or are reflective of a larger traumatic issue. The thing you actually tackle first. Not fucking exposure therapy. Goddamn it. This is like, a six year old(?) Who's nyctophobic too. So it's absolutely out of pocket to do even clinical exposure therapy because yeah that's fucking normal for our goddamn species. We evolved this way to survive. Nyctophobia is our response to instinctively watching out for nocturnal threats. The solution is to make one's nest more secure and rely on the family structure being around to ensure safety. So why the fuck are you making such a big deal of it right after her mom died!? Making this big a deal of how much of a condition it is that needs to be cured will complicate things in her head. Just properly deal with the grief and PTSD first good god. (And she's doing it with a strobing deep red light. What a way to find out you're epileptic)

For the uninitiated in the original short story that's technically being adapted here (by a loose definition but it really works in this case) the shitty father who's convinced the Boogeyman killed his kids and it's ambiguous to the reader as to whether or not HE was the one who actually did it goes to a psychologist or psychiatrist (presumably this is referenced with the main dad character's profession and the guy who died in his house) and while he's explaining himself it becomes increasingly apparent to him that at some point in the session the Boogeyman has taken the shape of the psychologist, and it slowly starts taunting him before presumably killing him. That's the entirety of the short story btw. So I'm like "okay how are they gonna do this" and I'm assuming the entirety of the original short story's plot happened while the dad left him in his office and called the police for a wellness check on him. And why he died in the closet of the mom's art studio. It was actually the Boogeyman.

Anyways, tangent aside, what I was getting at is I am fully expecting the pediatric psychiatrist here to actually be the Boogeyman because this strobing red light nyctophobia exposure therapy thing is so stupid. From personal experience strobing and deep red light in general, makes it WORSE. And of course I'm validated in this because yeah, the little girl DOES see it during this bullshit.

Even if not that's just an awful thing to do.

I sound negative but I'm enjoying watching this. I'm just frustrated at shitty childhood psychology mostly because of how broken and fucked up I am. Also the nyctophobia red strobe light conversion therapy scene fucking triggers me lol. Like I had to keep pausing it. Really tapping into Andy duress brain worms moments with that. Eughhh. Have I ever spoken about the nightmare that would become Red Spot and how it was triggered by putting a red Christmas lightbulb into my nightlight when my mom stole the normal bulb? Yeah. Don't fuck with red lights guys.

I'm loving this movie so far. Really vibing with it. The Boogeyman being in actuality a cognitohazard that collectively targets an entire family unit psychologically to prey on their children is a really good take on it. Also there's a scene near the beginning that goes

"some sort of shadow creature..."

"shadow creature?"

And I wanna make it a meme.

Also I can't tell for certain if it's an actual patchwork quilt or just a patterned blanket (dark lighting) but the older sister has what looks like the most gorgeous quilt in the world.

[blanketforcas]

I am the anon who sent you the link to that blog. I am not a hater, nor did I know that it would cause so many negative feelings. Misha is very dear to me. That is exactly why I shared my findings because I couldn't believe what that person wrote. My plan was surely also not to start drama. I hate drama as much as most people I trust on here do. That is why I came to your blog since you are someone I trust in your vision on Misha. I read through the whole blog and some of the stories I found really threw me off. And then there was a video of Misha dancing with a woman that gave me weird vibes. I need to add, I personally have had bad experiences with actors (not Misha!) in this fandom when it came to approaching people. You don't have to believe an anon coming into your inbox, but the fact that I know some people I admired were capable of doing not-okay things was why I was in shock about this blog (not about the stories about Vicki but the other things though). That said, I am not a person who believes this blog. I am not a person who believes Misha is bad. I do not support what this person has written on their blog in any way. I am actually thankful you censored it. I didn't want to share it - I just wanted to share it with you to get a second opinion on the way they present themselves and the way they are reacting on fandom names. Maybe also because I was second-guessing myself based on what I have experienced. After everything I had read I needed to share with someone I know has a critical lens and a positive stance. I apologize for bringing you that attention or negativity. I appreciate your blog very much. 💙

You're completely fine anon don't worry!! You didn't bring any negativity to my blog don't worry! I appreciate your kind words as well ❤️

I think there must've been a miscommunication on my part cause there was nothing wrong with your initial ask, I think I was just a bit confused by it at first since I didn't know the blog you were talking about and I wasn't sure about the connections you were making in your mind or what you wanted to focus on.

I simply skimmed the blog a bit and saw a lot of similar bullshit that antis like to talk about, and after reading a little bit how they twist things and blow stuff out of proportion, I simply stopped reading cause it was depressing

I try to judge by the facts I know, what I see, what I hear (and how overwhelmingly positive or negative that is)

Most of us will never know what any of these actors are fully like (thank god lol). So all we have is our intuition and the version of them they present to the world. With that, I will always have complicated feelings about the actors (and the people they hang out with)!! Yes, even Jensen and Misha. (although, yes I admit, mostly Jensen). I don't always agree with what they say or do. That's normal and healthy imo. They're living very different lives to us as well, in a lot of ways. Still human! But you can't deny the difference there

Anyways didn't mean to write this whole essay lol, my inbox and dms are always open :)

[jaehyunfirstlove]

You decide you’re ready to have a baby. The catch? You’re not seeing anyone at the moment. Enter your best friend, Jeong Jaehyun. Will he be the answer to your dilemma?

Pairing: best friend!Jaehyun x f.reader

Genre: best friends to fwb to lovers, fluff, angst, smut (18+ only)

Warnings: mentions of infertility, pregnancy and childbirth, sperm donors, IVF (in vitro fertilization), fertility drugs, mood swings, fingering, unprotected sex, cum play, nipple play, breeding kink, oral sex (f.receiving), dirty talk, pregnant sex, rough sex

Word count: 10.6k

Taglist: @jaehyunnie77​ @mrg-jjh​ @keeach​ (send me a message if you want to be tagged in future fics)

A/N: this was only meant to be a short fic but it morphed into this monstrosity. I tried to tag for everything but if I missed anything please let me know. Inspired by the fact that Jaehyun wanted to be a teen dad (but they are not teens in this story, just thought I’d make that clear :) Also please excuse my unimaginative name for the baby, I’m terrible at coming up with names lol

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional so please excuse any inconsistencies.

“So what have you got planned for today?” your best friend, Jaehyun, asked you as he took a sip of his coffee, shielding his eyes from the sun’s rays coming through the window of the cafe.

It was your weekly Saturday brunch, at which Jaehyun would show up, nine times out of ten, hungover, wearing dark sunglasses, a baseball cap, a black t-shirt and sweats. There was never a deviation from this outfit, even on the times when he came not hungover.

“Oh not much, just an appointment at the fertility clinic this afternoon.”

Jaehyun paused, as you took a sip of your latte. You couldn’t see the look in his eyes through the sunglasses but his fork had stopped midway to his mouth. It hovered in the air, scrambled eggs sliding off of it and plopping onto the plate below.

“The where?” he asked, tipping his head to look at you above the top of his sunglasses.

“Fertility clinic. Looking into getting a sperm donor.”

The matter-of-fact way you were saying everything seemed to shock him, his fork still not moving towards his mouth or back onto the plate.

“Excuse me, a sperm donor?”

You put your coffee cup down, and sighed. “I don’t know why you’re so shocked, I told you before I wanted to have a baby.”

“I thought you were joking!”

“Well I wasn’t!” you don’t know why you were being so indignant, maybe because all you’d heard from everyone around you, from your parents to your doctor to the lady that sold you pretzels from a street cart, was negative. You shouldn’t have a baby without a partner, was the main point of contention, but how was that going to happen if you weren’t seeing anyone, and hadn’t had a serious relationship in almost a year.

“But a sperm donor, Y/N?” he asked, after mulling over what you just said.

“Yeah? What’s wrong with it?” you countered. You were so sick of everyone around you criticizing your plan.

“I don’t know, what if he’s like, a serial killer or something?”

“They do psychiatric assessments on everyone who donates.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have an undiagnosed illness-”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Jaehyun!” you’d had it, letting out an exasperated huff, “Do you have a better idea? Do you want to be my sperm donor?”

You weren’t at all serious, you were just mainly upset and unfortunately, taking it out on him, but he actually sat back in his chair, eyebrows raised, as if he were contemplating it.

“Anyway, forget it. I don’t need your approval. I just hoped that you’d support me, of all people.” You couldn’t help but pout. He was your best friend and he’d stuck with you when no one else had. You may have said you didn’t need his approval but deep down you wanted him to be on your side.

He leaned forward, took his sunglasses off and looked you in the eye. “Of course I support you,” he said sincerely. “If this is what you want, then I’m with you one hundred percent of the way.”

You smiled, your heart feeling lighter, and just as you took a sip of your latte he said the one thing that would complicate your life forever.

“But I get to be that sperm donor.”

You spluttered, almost choking on your latte. “I wasn’t being at all serious, Jaehyun,” you chuckled nervously, but one look at his face and you could see he was being completely serious.

“I just don’t like the idea of some stranger being the father of your child,” he said quietly, looking down at his plate of food while he said it, “might as well be me, right?” He looked up at you hopefully.

You didn’t know what to say. This was your best friend, the one you’d grown up with, the one you’d catch tadpoles with, the one you’d drag to the playground with you, the one you told all your innermost secrets to. The one who knew you best. Didn’t it make sense then, that he would be the one to share this with you, in the end? You looked at his face; open, sincere, beautiful. You knew he was attractive, with the trail of broken hearts he’d leave in his wake, but you hadn’t really looked at him in that way before. Suddenly he was a new person to you, and now you didn’t know how to feel.

“Jaehyun, I-” you rubbed your hands together nervously, still unsure of what to say, “it’s a big thing, you know? This will change the rest of your life.”

He nodded, but there was no trace of hesitation in his actions. In fact, he looked as sure as anything. “Yeah that’s a given. But I’ve thought about it and I’m ready.”

“Jaehyun, you’ve literally thought about it for, like, the few minutes we’ve been sitting here.”

He smiled, “Actually I’ve thought about it for a long time.”

“About being a sperm donor?”

He laughed. “No, not specifically a sperm donor. But it’s a start,” he shrugged. “So what do I have to do?”

---

Jaehyun accompanied you to the appointment at the fertility clinic, where they outlined the plan and what was required of the two of you. It didn’t sound too bad, but you did find that having Jaehyun there to support you was really helpful. Every time the doctor explained something that made you nervous you would look over at him and he would smile confidently at you, sometimes squeezing your hand if you looked particularly concerned.

It was the fertility drugs they gave you, that threw your world into chaos. They had warned you of the side effects but you didn’t think it would be this bad. Your mood swung back and forth like a pendulum, one moment you were happy, the next you were crying into your cereal. You were irritable more than you had ever been in your life, and constantly snapped at every little thing. Not to mention that your breasts were sore and you had nausea, making you feel like you were pregnant already. You felt bad for Jaehyun when he was around for your mood swings and irritable moments, but he handled it much better than you thought he would. He’d give you your space when you needed it, but also sit by your side when you didn’t want to be alone. You found yourself thinking about how he would be as a father, but then you would remember that he was just the sperm donor.

One day, when he was sitting beside you on the couch, rubbing your back after you’d cried over your coffee order being wrong, you ended up asking him how much he wanted to be involved.

“We didn’t talk about the ‘after’,” you said, still sniffling. He stopped rubbing your back and looked at you.

“What do you want the ‘after’ to look like?” He asked, his tone level and gentle.

You had visions of Jaehyun rocking the baby to sleep, of Jaehyun seeing the baby walk for the first time, of Jaehyun teaching your child how to ride a bike, piano lessons, soccer games, first day of school. The perfect family. Except he wasn’t your husband, he wasn’t even your boyfriend. You didn’t know what to ask of him.

“I don’t know,” you whispered. He went back to rubbing your back.

“I’ll be as involved as you want me to be,” he said softly, “my only request is that I get to be a part of their life.”

That sounded fair, you thought. This was certainly going to be more complicated than getting a stranger as a sperm donor.

---

You went through several cycles of IVF, but none had been successful and you were losing hope. Not to mention the fertility drugs were really taking a toll on you, and the doctor had recommended taking a break. You were devastated, seeing it as the end of your dream, no matter how much the doctor reassured you that it wasn’t.

“There has to be another solution,” you pleaded at one appointment. Jaehyun hadn’t accompanied you and you felt yourself falling apart without his presence.

“Well, of course there’s the surefire way,” the doctor shrugged.

“What’s that? I’ll do anything!” you were hopeful once again at the doctor’s words.

“Regular sexual intercourse.”

Of course, you thought bitterly. You couldn’t help but think this was society punishing you for doing this without a husband. Undeterred, you resolved to discuss it with Jaehyun.

---

The look on Jaehyun’s face when you broached the subject was one you had never seen on him before. It was a mixture of shock, terror, resignation, and… something else, almost like acceptance, as if this were the natural course of things.

You resolved not to make it weird, it was just sex after all, and you would get a baby out of it, and that was the most important thing. However, your palms still got sweaty at the thought of it, your heart racing imagining him naked. You’d gone swimming with him plenty of times, went on beach outings often, and you realized you’d always avert your eyes from his bare chest. You figured you were just doing it to be polite, but you had no trouble looking at other men’s chests (you were only human, after all). You shook your head of your thoughts, while waiting patiently for him to agree or disagree to your request.

“I know it’s weird,” you began, when he still hadn’t said anything, “but I promise it won’t change anything in our relationship.” You needed him to agree, and at this point you would say anything to convince him. He looked at you thoughtfully, before he nodded.

“Okay, I’m in.”

---

You’d been keeping track of your cycle and had the days you were ovulating marked on your calendar, which you had shared with Jaehyun. It was agreed that he would come to your place after work, where you would have sex in the hopes of making a baby.

The first night you were nervous, pacing your room as you waited for him to come over. When the doorbell rang you literally jumped out of your skin. When you opened the door you were relieved to see that he was nervous too, although he tried his best to hide it. He joked around with you, trying to keep the mood light, and you had to admit you appreciated it. But when you got to the bedroom, you both went quiet. Jaehyun stood at one end of the room and you stood at the other, the bed looming between you.

“Do you want me to turn around while you get undressed?” he asked awkwardly, and you realized you hadn’t thought through the details.

“Um, yeah, sure,” you replied, and when he turned around you hastily undressed and jumped under the covers. “Done,” you advised, and he turned around. He didn’t make a move though, just looking at you pointedly, until you realized and turned your head away. Once he was done undressing you felt him lift the covers and get into the bed with you, and you couldn’t stop your heart from hammering in your chest.

“Y/N,” he said softly, because you still hadn’t turned back to him. “Can I touch you?”

You bit your lip, still not looking his way, and nodded. His touch made you jolt, even though his hand was warm, the electricity you felt made all your nerve endings feel like they were on fire.

“Is this okay?” he asked, his hand moving tentatively across your stomach. You nodded but you realized you were panting already, and he had barely touched you. “Tell me if I do anything you don’t like,” he suddenly whispered in your ear, and then he was kissing your neck.

You weren’t prepared for the intimacy, you had really only thought about the intercourse part. You hadn’t prepared yourself for the kissing, and the touching, and how he was so good at making you feel good. You felt like you weren’t supposed to enjoy it, that it was supposed to be “just sex” because you were friends and you weren’t doing this because you loved each other, you were only doing it to have a baby. But the more he touched you, the more he kissed you, the more you fell under his spell. You felt like you should tell him to stop, to just get on with it, but you knew he was doing it to get you nice and wet and therefore more comfortable to take him.

His kisses started to move along your jaw, towards your lips, and when he was finally there, his lips on yours, you felt a panic bubble up in your chest. It was too intimate, too much for someone who wasn’t yours. You pulled away, and he looked at you in surprise.

“No kissing on the lips,” you managed to say, maybe that would be enough to keep it less intimate, you told yourself. He nodded without saying a word, his hand coming up to your breast.

“Is it okay if I touch you here?” he asked, his eyes on yours. You thought for a moment and decided it was okay, and when you nodded he cupped your breast tentatively, all the while watching you for your reaction. When you didn’t pull away he squeezed gently, rubbing your nipple with his thumb.

You pressed your lips together, trying to suppress a moan, because everything he was doing was making you feel so good. He kept watching your reaction, and when he was satisfied that you were reacting favorably he got bolder, his hand slipping down between your legs.

You yelped when he touched you there, your legs involuntarily closing and trapping his hand. He froze, looking at you with wide eyes.

“Sorry,” you apologized, flushing with embarrassment, “reflex reaction.”

“It’s okay,” he said softly, as you slowly opened up your legs again. He moved his hand slowly, gently, just rubbing the inside of your thigh. “You can relax, Y/N, I promise I won’t hurt you.” His words were soft, his tone gentle, and it did wonders to calm and soothe you.

You nodded, giving him the go-ahead, and he reached tentatively with his finger, just lightly touching your folds. The electricity you felt when he first touched you came back with a vengeance, and you almost melted right into the bed. Your reaction encouraged him though, and he pressed his finger further in, rubbing your wetness around. When he was satisfied with the state of your arousal he got into position between your legs, placing the tip of his cock at your entrance. He paused, looking you in the eye, gently stroking your cheek.

“Ready?” he asked gently, “I’ll go slow.”

You nodded vigorously, to be honest the anticipation was killing you and you were very much aroused, wanting him to just get on with it. When he pushed into you though, you realized you should really be careful what you wished for. The feeling of him stretching you was almost too much, every inch he pushed in agonizingly slow amplifying your arousal to a dizzying degree. By the time he was seated all the way inside you you were panting, almost out of breath already.

“Okay?” he asked, through gritted teeth. You could tell he was holding back for dear life, but he purposely went achingly slow to make sure you were comfortable.

“Yes,” you said, having adjusted to his size, “you can move now.” Your pussy clenched involuntarily around him and he hissed.

“Don’t do that, Y/N,” he groaned, “I won’t last.”

“Sorry,” you said sheepishly, and as if to get you back he snapped his hips, making you cry out.

“Fuck!” you screamed, and that definitely encouraged him, and he set a pace, fucking you into the mattress. You felt your toes curl, a familiar knot building in your stomach. Once again, you thought, you felt like you shouldn’t be enjoying it as much as you were, it was more important for him to come inside you. “Come on, baby, come for me,” you whispered in his ear, hoping the dirty talk would encourage him.

“Almost there,” he grunted, and as much as you tried not to enjoy it, the way he was drilling into you felt too good. You bit your lip and grasped at the sheets, trying to keep your orgasm down, but he took it as a sign that you were about to come. He reached between you and thumbed your clit, and at that moment your orgasm exploded out of you without warning. He groaned as you clenched around him, finally spilling his seed inside you. You were dizzy, mind hazy from your orgasm, but you were content at the feeling of his cum inside you. He started to pull out, then stopped.

“Oh,” he said, and you looked up at him to see why he was saying that.

“What is it?” you asked.

“It’s leaking out of you,” he pointed down between your legs. You panicked.

“Well you’re not supposed to pull out right away!” you wrung your hands frantically, “push it back in!”

He looked at you incredulously, before looking down at his already softening cock, realizing it was useless at that point. So he just used his fingers, gathering up the cum that had leaked down and pushing it back into your pussy. You bit your lip again, because the more he pushed in, the more aroused you became, surprised that you weren’t oversensitive at this point. He must’ve noticed your reaction because he didn’t stop, pushing in further and further, in and out, faster and faster, until you were coming again, pussy pulsing around his fingers.

You took a deep breath to regulate your breathing, while he pulled his fingers out of you and sat back.

“Are you okay?” he asked, when you still lay there, unmoving.

“Yes,” you responded, staring up at the ceiling.

“Well, I guess I’ll get going,” he said awkwardly, when you didn’t say anything else.

You nodded, still staring up at the ceiling. “Same time tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll be here.” He dressed without saying anything more and left the room.

---

He came over again the next night, and you repeated the same awkward scene from the night before. This continued for a few cycles, with no success, and again you were losing hope.

“Maybe there’s something wrong with me,” you said dejectedly one day. Jaehyun looked over at you, concern etched on his face.

“The doctor said you were fine,” he replied, attempting to soothe you.

“Maybe there’s something wrong with you then,” you huffed, but Jaehyun just shook his head.

“Y/N, they put us through a bunch of tests and said we’re both fine,” he put a hand on your knee to reassure you.

“Then why isn’t it working?” you lamented, on the verge of tears.

“Do you want my opinion?” he asked hesitantly. You looked up at him in surprise.

“Yeah, of course,” you replied, curious as to what he had to say.

“Well, I’ve been reading those links the doctor sent, and it said stress is a big factor,” he stated carefully, “I think you just need to relax, and let it happen.”

You were floored. On the one hand you were touched that he had actually read the links the doctor had sent (you had been too impatient to bother), on the other hand, what exactly did he mean by ‘letting it happen’?

“Let’s do things differently next time, what do you think?” he had a twinkle in his eye that was starting to alarm you.

“What do you have in mind?” you asked suspiciously.

“You’ll see.” He smiled, much too widely for your liking.

---

The next time came around and you were more nervous than you were the first night, and if this was his idea of making it more relaxed he was already failing miserably. When he showed up at your door though, you almost didn’t recognize him. 

Instead of a t-shirt and sweats, he was wearing a crisp white button-down and jeans that sat sexily on his hips. Instead of his hair flat and falling in his face he had it pulled back, with just a few strands falling over his forehead. He also smelled incredible, a musky scent that forever trapped you in his hold, and made you want him in every way he would let you.

He smiled at you, but not in the way a friend smiles at a friend, and when he leaned in to give you a kiss on the cheek you almost passed out from the warmth of his lips and the intoxicating scent emanating from his skin. He walked past you to the bedroom, leaving you standing there with your mouth open and your underwear dampening.

When you finally collected yourself, you went upstairs to hear the bath running. You walked into the bathroom to see him drawing a bath, candles surrounding the tub, flower petals in the water, and the most luscious smelling bath bomb marinating in it.

“Jaehyun, what-” 

“Shh,” he put a finger to your lips, and even that act was so sensual you had to squeeze your legs together, “let me take care of you.” He reached down and turned off the water. “Get undressed and get in the bath, and I’ll come back and help you get relaxed.” He left the room and you did what he said, calling him back in once you were in the bath and the cloudy bubbly water reached the tops of your breasts.

He had such a calm and serene look on his face that it almost threw you off, but then he was taking your puff and squeezing body wash on it.

“May I?” he asked, and when you nodded he gently took your arm and ran the puff along it. He did the same with the other arm, and that simple act, along with the warmth of the bath water, did wonders to soothe you. You felt like you were floating, with the calming scents of the bath bomb, and his gentle touch. He started to run the puff along your neck and you bent your head back and sighed. Soon enough he was dipping below the surface of the water, running the puff between your breasts, and you sighed even deeper as he got lower, past your stomach, and lower still. The puff was forgotten, and now it was just his hand, reaching down between your legs. It all felt so good, you spread your legs even wider, wanting more.

“How does it feel?” he whispered, so close to your ear you shuddered.

“So good,” you couldn’t help but moan, and then his hand was there, cupping your pussy.

“I want to make you feel good, Y/N,” he purred, his voice like honey, “will you let me make you feel good?”

“Yes,” the word came out on a long exhale, as he plunged a finger between your folds, and you couldn’t help but fall apart. He fingered you until you came, water splashing all around you as you writhed in pleasure. When you were done he picked you up out of the bath, not caring that his clothes were getting wet, and carried you to the bed. You couldn’t care that you were probably soaking the bed, because his lips were on your neck, hot and urgent, leaving marks that you’d have trouble concealing the next day.

You pulled at his shirt, wanting it off already, and he obliged, throwing the damp fabric to a corner of the room. You rubbed your hands all over his chest, feeling the firm muscle there, then down to his abs. He groaned against your neck when you undid his belt and slipped your hand over his hardened cock.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he hissed, when you wrapped your hand around it and pumped.

“Don’t come yet,” you whispered, taking your hand away, opting instead to pull the rest of his jeans and boxers off. You wrapped your legs around him, encouraging him to enter you, but he pulled back slightly.

“Slow down,” he breathed, and you could feel him smiling against your neck, “this isn’t a race, Y/N,” he continued kissing down the column of your neck, down to your chest, “relax, and let me make you feel good.”

You finally relented, relaxing as he’d ordered, letting yourself melt into the mattress as he sucked on your skin. Your body was on fire, both from the heat of the bath you just had as well as the way his lips were ruining you. When he got down to your lower stomach you realized where he was headed, and instead of fighting the pleasure you were feeling you simply gave in. As soon as his wet tongue collided with your wet folds you let go, moaning wantonly at the feeling. Every sound you made spurred him on, every jerk and jolt of your body gave him the impetus to push you to the height of pleasure, until you were yanking at his hair and convulsing around his tongue.

“That was fucking hot, Y/N,” he almost growled, wiping at his chin as he moved to hover above you, “I almost came.”

“Don’t,” you panted, trying to catch your breath, “you need to come inside me.”

“You want it? Want my cum inside you, fill you up,” his voice was deep, intense, a tone you’d never heard from him, and certainly words you’d never heard from him, but it certainly was doing the job and making you very aroused.

“Oh god,” you exclaimed, unaware that dirty talk was something you liked. Your previous boyfriends hadn’t been this filthy, but you found you loved it.

“I’m gonna fuck you hard, and you’re gonna take all of my cum,” he continued, voice raspy, breath hot in your ear, “I’m gonna knock you the fuck up, and watch your belly grow with my baby.”

“Jaehyun!” you cried out, losing yourself completely. You grabbed a hold of his neck and pulled him down, and for a split second you saw his eyes grow wide as you smashed your lips against his, your no-kissing rule forgotten. He kissed you with the same passion and intensity that he ate you out with, and you wondered why you had ever put that no-kissing rule into place if he could make you feel like that with his lips. You moaned when his tongue entered your mouth, just as he slid his cock inside you.

This time you didn’t hold back, allowing yourself to feel everything. The way his cock slid in and out of you, the way the tip kept hitting that spot so deep inside you. The way his tongue moved in your mouth, the way his hands rubbed up and down your body, sometimes squeezing your breasts and flicking your nipples. Your hands roamed over his back, feeling his muscles move, and when you felt your orgasm start to build you dragged your nails against his skin.

“Fuck, Y/N, I’m gonna come,” he broke from the kiss to drop his head down to your chest, his thrusts getting harder but more erratic.

“Oh god, do it,” you panted, your orgasm about to burst out of you, “fill me up, baby, I want your cum so bad.”

That was enough to send him over the edge, and he pulled you flush against him as he came inside you, the particularly forceful thrusts triggering your own orgasm and making you clench around him. He let out a loud groan as you milked him, fingernails digging into his back.

When you were both done you held him against you, not wanting to let him go. He obliged, just holding you, his face tucked against your neck. You could feel his hot breath against your skin and that, along with his arms around you and his weight on top of you was all oddly comforting.

“I’m gonna pull out,” he finally said, when he had gone soft inside you. You sighed but nodded, and once he had pulled out you clamped your legs together, trying to keep as much of his cum inside you as you could.

He dressed quietly and you watched him, heart stuttering in your chest, your mind reeling. You had promised him that the sex wouldn’t change anything in your relationship, but you couldn’t believe how wrong you were. You wanted to reach for him, wanted him to stay, but you held back.

“Thanks for that,” you said quietly, and he turned to you and smiled.

“You’re welcome,” he said sincerely, “I’ll do anything for you,” and he brought his hand up and cupped your cheek, his eyes soft as he looked at you, “you’re my best friend.”

You smiled at him, but inside your heart was breaking. How could you ever think you could do this and keep your friendship as it was?

---

A few weeks later you were late, and although you tried not to get your hopes up you couldn’t help but think this was it. You waited to take the pregnancy test, wanting Jaehyun to be there no matter the outcome.

“What is it? What’s wrong? You said it’s an emergency.” He looked so concerned when he came over, and you almost felt bad for not saying what it was about right away.

“I’m late, Jaehyun,” you announced nervously.

“Where do you have to be?”

“No, I mean my period! I haven’t gotten my period yet!”

He paused, the pieces finally falling into place, and his face suddenly lit up. “Oh shit!” He covered his mouth with his hand as he looked at you with wide eyes.

“Come with me, I’m gonna take a pregnancy test.” You led him upstairs where he waited outside the bathroom door while you took the test. You placed the stick on the counter and opened the door to let him in.

“Well? What does it say?” he asked, rubbing his hands in anticipation.

“It’s gonna take a few minutes,” you answered nervously, “I can’t look, tell me what it says.” You turned away, so anxious you thought you would pass out.

“One line, so far,” he stated, and you tried to stay calm but your heart was beating out of your chest.

“Hold my hand,” you reached behind you and he took your hand in his, squeezing to comfort you. He was silent for a while, and you couldn’t take it anymore. “Well? What does it say now?”

“I see…” he started to say, and you so desperately wanted to turn around but you were too scared.

“What?! Just say it!”

He pulled you to him, turning you around and lifting the stick up to your eye level. “Two lines.”

You blinked a few times, wanting to make sure you were seeing it right, but every time you opened your eyes there were two solid lines. You were pregnant.

“Oh my god,” you whispered, both of your hands going up to cover your mouth. Jaehyun whooped in celebration, jumping up and down with glee. You saw the genuine happiness in his face and so many emotions ran through you that the only thing you could do was burst into tears.

“Aw, Y/N, don’t cry!” he laughed, gathering you into his arms, thinking you were just crying from happiness. But it was so much more complicated than that. You were getting what you wanted, a baby, but you hadn’t prepared yourself for all the complications of having a baby with your best friend, who you may have developed feelings for.

---

The first trimester was hell. You were throwing up every morning, and feeling nausea for the rest of the day. You had an aversion to most food, even hating the smell of certain things, like meat. The only things you could keep down were bread and noodles, and you wondered how the baby could grow when that was all that you ate. But at every appointment the doctor reassured you that the baby was doing well and developing at a good rate. Jaehyun insisted on going with you to your first ultrasound and as much as you wanted him to, you also dreaded it.

When the fuzzy form of your baby showed up on the screen for the first time you felt a surge of happiness overcome you, tears springing to your eyes at the sight of the tiny figure on the screen. You heard Jaehyun inhale sharply and turned to look at him. The awe in his face was so endearing it made the tears run down your cheeks, and seeing your reaction he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in for a hug.

“That’s our baby,” he whispered, his voice almost breaking, and you cried harder.

“Congratulations!” the technician said, patting you both on the shoulder. You felt like you should correct her, tell her that although the baby was technically yours and Jaehyun’s, you weren’t together and wouldn’t be raising the baby as such. But how do you explain that to a complete stranger? You looked over at Jaehyun, who was smiling from ear to ear, shaking the technician’s hand and making no move to explain the situation.

Later, as you were getting ready to leave the clinic, you saw the technician hand over a copy of the ultrasound picture to Jaehyun. He took it happily in his hands, as if it were the most precious thing in the world. As he walked towards you he slipped it into the plastic window spot in his wallet, where your drivers’ license should be, but his now housed a blurry black and white photo of your baby.

“Hey, wanna get something to eat to celebrate?” he asked, slinging an arm around you as you both left the clinic.

You shook your head. As much as you wanted to spend time with him, you found it hurt more than it helped. Once the baby was born you’d have to deal with him being around more often, so it was better to save up your strength for that.

“I’m actually really tired, I just want to go home and rest,” you answered without looking up at him, “besides, I’m still off most foods.”

“Oh, okay, makes sense.” He said, removing his arm from around your shoulder and stuffing his hands in his pockets. He didn’t sound upset or offended, but when you looked at him out of the corner of your eye you saw a flash of emotion cross his face, almost like hurt or disappointment. You felt bad, knowing you had been avoiding him, even giving up your weekly brunches, but you felt it was better this way.

“Listen, I’ll let you know when the next ultrasound is, okay? You can come with me again.” You wanted just to wipe the look of disappointment off his face, and luckily it worked.

“Yeah, that would be great! Thanks so much, Y/N,” he leaned down and hugged you, and it was the closest he’d been to you since the last time you’d had sex to make the baby. You held him close, committing the feel of him and the scent of him to memory, before you pulled away and walked towards your car.

---

If the first trimester had been hell, the second trimester was heaven. Miraculously the nausea disappeared, and you found yourself actually craving food. You felt more energized and less tired, and slept so much better. Your belly was starting to grow, and you actually had to start shopping for maternity clothes. Your mood was so much better, but what really came back with a vengeance was your libido. During the first trimester you couldn’t even think about sex, but now, it was all you could think about.

Usually your vibrator would do the trick, but there were always moments where you���d think about Jaehyun, think about how good he could make you feel. Sometimes just thinking about him fucking you was enough to get you off, but when you really thought about him, about the feeling of his cock parting your folds, or the feeling of his strong hips pounding into you, his face sweaty and his scent overpowering the air between you, nothing was better than the real thing.

Which is how you found yourself one night, holding your phone and dialing his number without hesitation.

“Hey, what’s up,” he answered, his voice sounding distant. You realized you hadn’t spoken to or seen him in weeks, and instantly you felt terrible.

“Um, actually nothing. I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“You didn’t wake me,” you could hear him shuffling around, like he had been lying down and started to sit up, “is something wrong, Y/N?”

He always saw right through you, you could hear the concern is his voice, and there was no turning back now.

“Could you come over? I think I need some… company.” You didn’t know if you could just ask for sex over the phone, and was it really only sex that you wanted? Or did you just want him there, with you.

“Yeah, yeah, sure, I can come over,” you heard more shuffling, like he was getting dressed, “are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’ll be better when you’re here.” You answered truthfully.

When he showed up at your door you couldn’t stop yourself from pulling him towards you and hugging him tightly. He didn’t protest, just held you and rubbed your back gently.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” he asked softly against your hair.

“I miss you,” you admitted, voice muffled against his chest because you were too ashamed to look at him.

“I’m around, you know,” he chuckled, “you’re the one who cancelled our brunches.”

You pulled back and forced yourself to make eye contact with him. “No, Jaehyun, I miss you.” You touched his chest when you said it, giving him a look laden with meaning. He understood right away, his eyebrows rising slightly. You took him by the hand and pulled him inside, leading him upstairs and to your bedroom. He let himself be led, but once you were behind closed doors he suddenly took you into his arms and kissed you. The kiss wasn’t subtle, or gentle, it was intense and forceful, his intent surely to rile you up. It definitely worked, because you could feel wetness pooling in your panties as he stuck his tongue down your throat.

“You want my cock again,” he growled, breaking from the kiss to suck a line down your throat. You gasped at his aggressiveness, but you had to admit it really turned you on.

“Yes,” you breathed out, as he stripped you of your clothes and pushed you towards the bed. You fumbled at his clothes, trying to get them off but you found your limbs were weak from the way he was handling you. He took over, stripping off the rest of his clothes, his cock springing forward when he pulled his boxers down. You admired it for only a second before he turned you around, pushing you onto your hands and knees on the bed.

“You like my cock, don’t you, you like me fucking into your little pussy,” he spoke so low, his chest flush against your back so you could feel the reverberation of his voice.

You didn’t have a chance to answer, because he rammed his cock into you, a scream tearing from your throat as he went as deep as he could.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned, his hands gripping your hips as he started to pound into you. You weren’t sure how pregnant sex would feel, since so many things were changing in your body, but you weren’t prepared for what you got. It felt like your entire body was on fire, pleasure coursing through every part of you. He hit places inside you that you’d never felt before, and all of it was like nothing you’d ever experienced.

“Jae,” you panted, “Jae, oh my god!” your orgasm was coming on, super fast and beyond your control.

“You’re gonna come already, baby? Alright, come on, come all over my cock,” he reached down, and although it was a little awkward because of your belly, he managed to get to your clit and rub it with the pad of his thumb.

Your vision went white when your orgasm hit, your fingers and toes going numb as your pussy clenched around his cock. You could barely hold yourself up, your upper body falling to the bed as you convulsed around him. He kept going, fucking you through it, and when you stilled he pulled out and lay you on your back. He gave you a moment to catch your breath, before he entered you again. You cried out at the oversensitivity, but he went slowly, and soon enough you started to feel pleasure again.

“I can keep going,” he said, as he fucked into you at a slow but deliberate pace, “you want more, don’t you?”

You nodded vigorously, already feeling another orgasm building. He propped himself up then, and pounded into you, the bed shaking from his harsh thrusts. You gripped and pulled at the sheets, unable to contain the needy whines and moans coming up out of your mouth. You forced your eyes open to see him hovering over you, a look of intense concentration on his face, his brow sweaty, hair falling into his eyes. When he saw you looking at him his concentration faltered, and he bent his head down for a kiss. You were expecting a kiss to match the intensity with which he was fucking you, but instead it was soft, gentle, lingering. You felt something in it, something above and beyond what he was doing to you, something that carried you where you most wanted to be but didn’t dare go. The orgasm you had then was different, not just purely physical, not just filled with lust, but something more elevated, more emotional.

He broke the kiss to grunt loudly as he came, spilling more of his seed inside you. When he was done he pulled out, and sat at the edge of the bed.

“Y/N,” he said, and you don’t know why he sounded so defeated. You sat up, preparing yourself for what he was going to say.

“Jaehyun,” you reached for him but thought better of it, your hand dropping into your lap.

“I can’t keep doing this with you,” he said, his voice quiet but determined, “it’s fucking me up and I don’t know what to do with myself.”

Your heart sank. He was pulling out of your life, and it was all your fault for doing this to him. “I’m so sorry, Jaehyun.”

He got dressed hurriedly, without looking back at you, and before he opened the door to leave he turned back.

“You need to decide for yourself what you want me to be,” he still didn’t look at you, opting to look at the floor instead, “I’ll always be here for you, but I need to know where I stand.”

The door closing behind him echoed in the room, the absence of him already settling into your heart.

---

You went through the rest of the second trimester on your own, too ashamed and heartbroken to see Jaehyun, and too confused to sort out your feelings. He’d text you once in a while to ask you how you were doing, how you were feeling, but there was no talk beyond the pregnancy. He didn’t come to any more of your doctor’s appointments, nor did you ever invite him to any more in the first place. The third trimester hit even worse than the first, your belly was now so big it was almost uncomfortable to do anything, you now had constant heartburn, and you were going to the bathroom every ten minutes because of the weight on your bladder.

About a month before your due date, you were making dinner in the kitchen when you felt an uncomfortable tightening in your abdomen. You clutched your stomach, gripping the counter in alarm and wondering what you should do. The feeling came and went, but returned after a few minutes. Concerned, you called your doctor, who advised you to come in to the hospital just to get checked out. As you were getting ready you got a text from Jaehyun, asking how you were doing.

Jaehyun: hey just doing my check-in

JH: how is it going today

Me: well it’s probably nothing but

Me: just going to the hospital to get checked out

JH: wait what

JH: let me take you

Me: i should be ok

JH: Y/N pls let me take you

Me: ok

JH: thank you i’ll be right there

You sighed, wishing you had never told him and made him worry. Luckily you didn’t have to wait long since he lived nearby, and soon enough he was pulling up to your house. You didn’t bother to wait for him to come to the door, coming out as soon as you saw his car. You were locking the front door when the uncomfortable feeling came back, making you double over, clutching your stomach.

“Y/N!” you heard Jaehyun yell behind you, and soon enough his arms were cradling you as you crouched over. “What happened? What’s going on?”

His voice sounded frantic, terrified, and when you looked up in his eyes he looked so scared that it made your chest ache.

You smiled weakly, trying to placate him, “Don’t worry, it’s probably just false labor,” you patted him on the arm and soon enough the feeling went away. “My doctor just wants me to come in and get checked out, just in case.”

He nodded, but didn’t look reassured at all, creases of worry still lining his face. He also didn’t let you go, holding onto your arm as you walked to the car. At the hospital he didn’t leave your side, until the doctor came to do your examination.

“I’ll wait outside,” he said hesitantly, but you could tell he didn’t want to leave at all, eyes looking longingly back at you as he left the room.

After the doctor examined you and reassured you that it really was just false labor, you were cleared to leave and found Jaehyun in the hall, pacing. Once he saw you he ran up to you, searching your face with frantic eyes.

“Well? What happened?” he’d taken your hands in his, and his palms felt cold and clammy.

“It was nothing, just false labor, the doctor told me to go home and rest.” You reassured him, squeezing his hands and smiling softly at him. He let out a long breath, collapsing into a nearby chair.

“Oh my god, Y/N, I almost died!” he passed the back of his hand over his eyes dramatically, and you suppressed a giggle at his overdramatic show.

“Don’t laugh!” he sat up and looked at you incredulously, “I lost ten years of my life just now!”

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” you pressed your lips together trying not to smile. He broke into a wide grin then, pleased with himself that he had managed to lighten your mood with his sense of humor.

“Come on, let’s get you home.”

---

The drive from the hospital had been quiet, both of you realizing that there was still this huge wall between you, and neither of you were brave enough to breach it. He walked you to your door in continued silence, and once you reached your doorstep he turned around to walk back to his car.

“Jaehyun,” you called, unable to stand it anymore, “do you wanna come in and talk?”

He turned around, a mixture of hope, fear, and resignation on his face, and nodded.

The time apart had made you realize how much you missed him, and seeing him again had made you realize how much you still wanted him to be a part of your life. You were hoping to salvage something of your relationship, but you were fully aware that you could never go back to what it had been.

You sat him down on the sofa and took a deep breath.

“Jaehyun,” you began, getting more and more nervous as you went on, “I know I made things weird, even though I promised I wouldn’t,” he opened his mouth to say something but you stopped him, determined to get out what you wanted to say. “I was so focused on having a baby that I didn’t think about what involving you would mean, and what it would do to our friendship. I think I was just naive, I didn’t think anything would change, and I was so wrong.”

He sat across from you, and even though he was just inches away it felt like he was miles away, like an unfathomable chasm had opened up between you. Then he looked up at you, hesitant, but determined.

“Y/N, we can’t go back and change things anymore. What’s happened has happened.” He tilted his head to regard you, taking a deep breath before moving on, “so I just need to know one thing.”

“What is it?”

“Do you want me to be a part of your life?”

“Yes. Always.” You answered truthfully, without a doubt in your mind. He smiled, but there was still something behind his eyes.

“Hey, do you remember that pact we made in eighth grade?” He suddenly asked, his eyes twinkling.

“The marriage one?” you scanned your eighth grade memories and that was the only pact you could think of.

“Yeah, the one where we said if neither of us are married by the time we’re thirty, we’ll marry each other?”

“Yes, I remember.” It was during PE class, when you and Jaehyun were sitting in the field while everyone else was running around chasing soccer balls. You don’t remember how the subject came up, but soon enough you were doing pinky swears and Jaehyun was fashioning rings out of blades of grass for you and him to wear. You both had a good laugh over it, and never thought about it again until this moment.

“So what if we didn’t wait?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if we didn’t wait until we’re thirty, what if we just did it now? I mean, we’re having a baby together already.”

“Jaehyun, are you proposing right now?” you said it as a joke, even chuckling to yourself, you weren’t taking the whole thing seriously at all, except Jaehyun wasn’t laughing.

“I mean, I don’t have a ring, but…” he looked around the room, and seeing your spider plant on a nearby table he picked a leaf off and rolled it around itself, making a ring out of it, and slipped it on your finger. You were speechless.

“Jaehyun, you’re serious.” You managed to say after the thoughts stopped running through your brain. You hadn’t really thought about marriage, none of the guys you’d dated had ever made you think about it. You knew you wanted kids, but marriage was something you figured you couldn’t achieve, never having found the right guy. Yet here he was all along, Jeong Jaehyun,  your best friend, someone who knew you inside and out. A dawning realization hit you then, that maybe none of your relationships ever worked out because you kept comparing them to Jaehyun, and no one ever held up. You were in love with your best friend, and you didn’t even know it.

“Well?” he asked, with raised eyebrows and hopeful eyes. You stared at the leaf ring on your finger, turning it around and around, your heart and mind finally finding peace in your realization. You looked up at him, cupping his face, and he looked like he was bracing himself for a possibly negative response.

“Yes.” You answered, smiling brightly at him, and it took him a moment to realize you weren’t turning him down. His face broke out into a wide grin, his dimples as deep as ever, his eyes shiny. He pulled you in for a hug, but your belly made it somewhat awkward.

“Oh my god, Y/N, you’re huge!” he looked down at your belly in awe.

“Jaehyun what the fuck!” you smacked him on the arm, slightly offended.

“No, I meant I was too busy being worried about you that I never noticed how big your belly had gotten.” He reached out his hand tentatively. “Can I touch?”

“Of course,” you said, happy that you could share this with him. You took his hand and placed it on your belly.

“Can you feel the baby move?” He asked, eyes growing wide when his hand landed on your stomach.

“Sometimes, mostly when I’m lying still though.” You let him rub his hand over your stomach, endeared at how awestruck he was, his mouth forming a little ‘o’ as he moved his hand around. He suddenly leaned forward, his face getting very close to your belly.

“Hey little one,” he called softly, and your heart clenched at the sight of him talking to the baby in your belly, “I’m your dad.”

Suddenly you felt a jolt in your ribs, as the baby stretched and kicked inside you.

“Oh my god, Y/N! Did you feel that?” Jaehyun clapped excitedly.

“Damn right I felt it,” you groaned, patting your stomach, “keep it down in there, kicking mama in the ribs really hurts!”

Jaehyun burst out laughing, gathering you in his arms and hugging you tightly. “That was adorable!” he exclaimed, and your heart felt warm as you wrapped your arms around him.

---

You decided to just do a small backyard ceremony for your wedding, neither of you fond of big parties that meant even bigger expenses. Jaehyun moved into your house since he had been rooming with a friend, and once all of his things had been moved in and installed, you were left alone with each other once again.

You don’t know why, but your first night as a married couple felt like the first night you’d had sex, awkward as hell. Once again you stood on either side of the bed, unsure as to what to do.

“Bed?” he finally asked after you’d both stood there for too long.

“Bed,” you answered, and you both got in at the same time. You couldn’t help but laugh at your awkwardness, and that certainly broke the tension. You turned to your side, the only way you could get comfortable with how big your belly was, and he slotted his body behind you, wrapping an arm around you and resting his hand on your belly. You sighed contentedly, loving the feeling of being in his arms.

“This is nice,” he whispered, but his breath against your ear made you shiver, and suddenly contentment wasn’t the only thing you were feeling. Not to mention his hand that was on your belly had moved to your hip, fingers tracing wide circles over the fabric of your sleep shorts.

“Jaehyun,” you didn’t mean to, but his name came out in a moan, and his hand stopped its circuit, the faintest bit of pressure being applied to your hip.

“Y/N?” he questioned, but you were taking his hand and moving it up to your breasts. Once he cupped them you moaned again. “Holy shit, Y/N, your boobs are huge!”

“Jaehyun!” you reprimanded him, but he apologized quickly.

“Sorry, sorry, I just-” he cupped and squeezed, feeling the weight of them, “wow,” was all he could say.

“Well they won’t be this big for too long, so you better take advantage of them now,” you encouraged, and he did, tweaking your nipples until you were moaning into your pillow.

“Tell me if I do anything that hurts, or makes you feel uncomfortable, okay?” he whispered into your ear, before he started to plant wet kisses along your neck and shoulder. Your mind went hazy at the feeling of his lips on your skin, and soon he slipped a hand down, past the waistband of your shorts.

You inhaled sharply when his fingers found you wet, when he gathered some of your arousal to rub it around your clit. You moaned loudly when he made circles around your bud, pressing your face further into your pillow.

“Don’t do that, baby, I wanna hear you,” he pulled the covers off and pushed your pillow away, helping you take off your shirt and the rest of your clothes so you were fully exposed to him. He looked at you, lust and hunger clouding his eyes. “Fuck, you look so gorgeous knocked up with my baby.”

Your pussy clenched at his words and you pulled at his own clothes to get him to take them off. “Come here and fuck me, husband.”

Your words ignited something in him, and he bent down, throwing one of your legs over his shoulder and pushing into you. You cried out, not caring anymore how loud you were being, the feeling of his cock inside you throwing you into the heights of pleasure. Once you started though, you couldn’t stop, moans and whimpers and whines tumbling out of your lips as he pumped his cock inside you.

“You like it, don’t you?” he growled, “you like my cock so much you let me knock you up.”

You moaned even louder at his words, your orgasm starting to build in the pit of your stomach. “Yes, god, yes!”

“You want my cum, baby? Look at where it got you, huh? You let me come inside you and now you’re knocked up.” His voice was raspy, deep, and it cut right to your core.

“Fuck, Jaehyun! I’m gonna come!” you warned him, grasping at the sheets as your orgasm hit you, your pussy pulsing around his cock. It didn’t take much longer for him to come, one last thrust that took your breath away, and he spilled his seed into you.

“Are you okay?” he asked, brushing aside a strand of hair that had fallen into your face, “did it hurt at all?”

“No, not at all, it felt good,” you smiled at him, wanting to alleviate his concern. He looked relieved, before he bent down and kissed the swell of your stomach.

“Sorry, baby,” he said sheepishly, addressing the baby, and you could only laugh, rubbing a hand through his hair as he smiled up at you.

---

The next day Jaehyun had left for work, and you were almost out the door yourself when you felt something gush between your legs. You figured you knew what it was and, resolved to stay calm, you quickly called Jaehyun.

“Babe, what is it?” he answered on the first ring.

“I think my water broke.” 

“Okay, stay calm, I’m on my way back.”

It didn’t take long for him to come back since he’d just left, and you drove to the hospital all the while holding tightly to his hand. The contractions started then, not too bad at first but as time went on the pain was hard to bear. By the time you reached the hospital you were grimacing in pain and Jaehyun was yelling for someone to come and help you.

You labored for hours, Jaehyun never leaving your side, giving you strength even when you felt like you had no more to give. You wondered how you could have ever done this without him, without his unwavering support, his cheerful but calm demeanor raising you up when you felt like giving in. Soon enough you had a healthy baby in your hands, a boy that an ecstatic Jaehyun had already dubbed his ‘mini me’.

---

If you had known what the first few weeks with a newborn would have been like you would have seriously rethought having a baby in the first place. You were exhausted more than you had ever been in your life, catching sleep for only those precious moments when the baby would sleep. Your breasts were sore from breastfeeding, and if you never saw another poopy diaper in your life it would be too soon. What made it all worth it, was the look of pure innocence in your baby’s eyes, and the way your husband would stare at him like he was the most precious person in the world.

One night you were woken again by the baby’s cries, and trudging to his room you were surprised to see Jaehyun already there.

“Sorry to wake you,” he whispered, “I was changing him and he lost his binky.” You stood in the doorway and watched as your husband expertly handled your son, swaddling him in his blankets and making sure the pacifier was situated in his mouth. “Go back to bed, I got this.”

Jaehyun had done many things during your time together that you considered sexy, but this was probably the sexiest thing he had ever done. You walked back to your bedroom, mentally reminding yourself to reward him when you were more awake.

You lay in bed though, unable to fall back asleep. Your mind was racing, anxieties resurfacing at that dark and quiet time of night. Jaehyun eventually came back, sliding into the bed and spooning you, his arm coming to wrap around your waist.

“Jae?” you whispered, hoping he hadn’t fallen back asleep right away.

“Hm? I thought you were asleep.” He sounded tired, tightening his arm around you.

“Is this the life you wanted?” you asked him, rubbing his arm that was wrapped around you.

“Absolutely.” He answered, without hesitation.

“No, I’m serious.”

“So am I. Why wouldn’t you think I was being serious?” he suddenly propped himself up on his elbow so he could see your face.

“Because you had a life before this, and now it’s just-” you waved your hand in the air, “me and the baby.”

“Just you and the baby? Y/N, you and Yuno are the most important things in my life right now.” He pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. “Yeah I had Friday night drinks and Sunday basketball games, and that was fun and all, but you two are my family now.”

“Don’t you miss it?”

“If I did I’d just go and do it? So no, I don’t miss it right now. Maybe eventually? But that doesn’t mean I’d love you and Yuno less.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d told you he loved you, but you knew you’d never get tired of hearing it. You’d been surprised when he’d told you he’d been in love with you for a while, not daring to say anything about it for fear of ruining your friendship. When you’d told him that you wanted to have a baby he knew that there was no one else in the world that he wanted to bear his children except you, and he was relieved when you accepted his offer of being a sperm donor. He had been prepared to be just that, but the sex threw everything into chaos, including his feelings for you and his resolve to keep your relationship as just friends. He felt himself falling even deeper for you, but his heart couldn’t handle the push and pull he was feeling from you. He never wanted to pull out of your life, and he spent more time staring at his phone waiting for you to call or text than he dared to admit. Bringing up the marriage pact had been a gamble, and he was terrified that you’d say no, but when you said yes, he could barely contain his happiness.

“Listen,” he said, taking your hand in his, “this life is more than I could have ever asked for.”

“Really?” you asked, turning to look at him, “With me?”

“Baby, it’s always been you.”

[bookofmirth]

I know your a really big Mor fan which might contribute to your bias towards her but I personally don’t like her. Her attitude and written presence as “a dreamer in the court of night mares” sets her up as a token “I’m not like other girls”

For all the power she has written to have, we don’t see it. What is the purpose of her character? One would think she was meant to be an advocate for women but she hasn’t done anything for the women in the court of night mares. The book makes her seem other, but the book also tells us that she wasn’t the only one struggling. She was just the only one who had Rhysand as a cousin.

She is also incredibly ignorant with her racists comments about Illyrians and her willful blindness about what the women suffer with over there. Out of everyone, she should know what it’s like. Which is one of the many reasons why I hope she doesn’t end up with emerie, she doesn’t deserve her.

I don’t think Emerie would appreciate how she treated Nesta either. She was a bitch, who saw someone who was centuries younger than her and who was already breaking and thought to compare her to her abusers who nailed her and left her for dead. Told her that she doesn’t deserve the kindness and patience shown to her by others. I lost all my respect for her at that point tbh. For all her grandstanding about truth, she couldn’t be more wrong.

And her issue with Nesta over Cassian and how she might take him from her and further complicate her Az situation is sad. Nesta’s only interaction with her was that dress situation. But then Mor comes out of nowhere and says she mistreats Cassian…when all their supposed “fights” are offscreen? When the book even describes their tension as “mutual”? When literally nobody else seems to interfere in the same degree as her? When Nesta genuinely asks if he’s okay in the war and Mor lashes out?

I disagree with your comment that Nesta treated her court poorly. Yeah she didn’t like them but they were Fae and generations of mistrust doesn’t change that overnight. Feyre is a testament to that because it took her time to see the Fae differently too. Yet despite that, Nesta was friends with Amren and neutral with Az. Nesta and Rhysand barely even interacted in the trilogy and it wasn’t until ACOSF where we are told she hates him. And how he seems to relish her fear of him. And he’s definitely given her a reason to. So who exactly did she irrevocably hurt?

This was long but I actually had time today to rant a bit.

I was going to delete this ask because you came off kinda rude, decided to rant about a character you know I like, and I'm honestly not sure what you wanted to get from this because there isn't a question. There's no way I'm going to agree with you here, and I think you know that, so this all seems like it would be better done as a post on your own blog. I suppose I appreciate that you sent this to me rather than vaguing me? But then I thought, well some of the things you said are inaccurate, so... I'll clear those things up.

your bias

First off, this. Bias? This is a fandom. Am I biased because I like elucien more than I like nessian? Are you biased because you clearly prefer Nesta over Mor? If I write a fanfic for elucien, but then don't write separate versions for feysand and nessian, am I biased? If an artist does a series of drawings for certain pairings and not others, are they biased? lol no. There is no need for objectivity in fandom. We all like what we like and there's really nothing that deep about it. No one has to be "fair" in this space. Otherwise everything would be neutral and that would be really boring. We all have our preferences, and that's... okay! "Bias" has a negative connotation, and there is no need for a negative connotation in fandom spaces where it's all different strokes for different folks.

Were you trying to insinuate that you, because you like Nesta, are like... better than I am? Or more objective than I am? Because uh... I got some quotes from the book for you.

Her attitude and written presence as “a dreamer in the court of night mares” sets her up as a token “I’m not like other girls”

So I disagree with this because the whole "I'm not like other girls" is an inherently gendered phenomenon. It's a way for women to put one another down, and Mor literally doesn't do that in a gendered way. Mor being different from her family/the CoN has nothing to do with her gender, and everything to do with their cruelty versus her strength and optimism.

Did we all collectively forget the fact that the library, you know, where all the priestesses and other victims of sexual assault trauma go to heal, that's Mor's thing? Rhys started the library as a refuge for women, and Mor brings women there to heal. All the time. She brought Clotho there, and Gwyn, and countless others. I keep seeing people say that Mor doesn't help other women, and I'm sorry but 1) since when is she the High Lady that that responsibility is laid at her feet, and 2) she.... she literally does help other women???

She is also incredibly ignorant with her racists comments about Illyrians and her willful blindness about what the women suffer with over there.

This is factually untrue. She comments on the Illyrians *because* of what they do to women. That's... why all the characters talk about Illyrians in the way that they do.

Here is how other characters talk about Illyrians:

Eris in acosf: "the one the Illyrian brutes call Ramiel."

Nesta in acosf, yes she is guilty of this too: “Because Illyrians are backward and horrible.”

Amren in acomaf: “They’re barbarians,” Amren said, and neither Illyrian male objected.

Rhys in acomaf: “[Illyrians] are also brutal and backward, particularly in regard to how they treat their females.”

Azriel: they both knew Azriel would sooner disband and destroy Illyria than help it. Convincing their brother that the Illyrians were a people worth saving was still a battle amongst the three of them.

So why this special energy for Mor?

The real issue is how SJM has written the Illyrians. She's got the characters in a catch 22 because either they say shit that is racist (and as you can see above, pretty much everyone does), or they give Illyrians a pass for how they treat women. SJM is at fault here for writing a sexist as hell culture peopled by non-white characters. Do the characters talk poorly about them? Yeah. That's not unique to Mor, though. It has nothing to do with her character, and everything to do with how SJM has written the Illyrians.

Re: Emerie, they were clearly written to have interest between them and we are 95% sure Mor is getting a book, so I doubt it. I don't need all my friends to like/hate the same people that I like/hate, and I doubt Emerie would either.

And the whole Cassian thing, I just... don't care. I don't have the energy to care. It's over, it's done, Mor helped Nesta learn the dance for the CoN, they're over it and I'm over it.

compare her to her abusers who nailed her and left her for dead.

I do keep seeing this though, and no? Mor was not abused by the entirety of the Court of Nightmares, she was abused by her family, mainly her father. Mor did not compare Nesta to her father. And sorry, but I'm going to keep saying this - Nesta did fucking great in the CoN. She was badass and got Eris on the hook that night. Mor was right. Remember how out of place Elain looks? Nesta fit right in. And again, that's not Mor saying that Nesta is like her abusers, because the CoN did not abuse Mor, her family did. But the CoN is a cutthroat place and Nesta thrived.

I disagree with your comment that Nesta treated her court poorly. Yeah she didn’t like them but they were Fae and generations of mistrust doesn’t change that overnight. Feyre is a testament to that because it took her time to see the Fae differently too.

While the part about humans and fae's attitudes towards one another is true, the key word here is "behavior".

At what point was Feyre (or Elain) intentionally cruel to any of the fae just for being fae? That was a choice Nesta made, to be on the offense. Yeah there were a lot of feelings there and they were pretty much justified because of history, but she didn't have to be cruel to a group of fae who were trying to welcome her, who she knew had helped her sister, who had lifted them out of poverty. Nesta being cruel was a choice, and in acosf we know that it's a choice she frequently regrets! So I'm not sure why we would want to erase that from her character. The story isn't "Nesta was sad and everyone was mean to her because of it." The woman gave better than she got.

The whole thing about Mor's role in the story, I have complained about this myself, but that doesn't make her a bad character, it makes SJM an annoying writer for just sidelining characters all the time. "What's her purpose" well ask SJM? She hasn't made it clear what Mor's powers are, but that doesn't make Mor a bad character, it makes sjm a sometimes lazy writer. Again, it seems like the things you have an issue with aren't Mor as a character, but sjm phoning some of this shit in.

I'm never going to like Nesta as a person. I think she's a super interesting and complex character, but I like other characters way more than I like her, including Mor. Everyone is free to enjoy whichever characters they like, that's great. But I think that stepping away from the fandom kool-aid and rereading the scenes from the books is helpful sometimes. Or don't, because most of the time we just like the characters we like and we don't have to justify it.

[confusedwitch]

Witch-Related Books to Grab off Amazon: Masterpost Part 1

First off, I'll be sectioning this into different parts based off of what type of witch you are/want to be/want more info on, or what practices you wanna add to your craft :)

Green Witch/Magick Herbalism (a classic):

The Green Witch by Arin Murphy-Hiscock - $9.69 (Hardcover): This book had incredible reviews on amazon, and a lot of the written reviews said that the book wasn't specific to a religion and didn't try to push a religion on you, which is so wonderful because not everyone wants to be religious with their craft.

Plant Witchery by Juliet Diaz - $25.19 (Hardcover) $18.99 (Paperback): Again, stunning reviews, just a less popular book. This book isn't about general stuff, but instead it's more focused on mother nature and the useage of plants (non-herbal as well, so your houseplants might be mentioned too), which is great if you wanna center your practice around Gaia and the healing energies of the earth.

Herb Magick: An Introduction to Magickal Herbalism and Spells by Patti Wigington - $14.99 (Paperback): here's a review from a verified person- it explained this book WAY better than I ever could:

The focus of this book is on the folkloric and magical uses of herbs, rather than medicinal applications. It provides a few traditional uses of herbs, but the overall theme is knowledge of the plants and their associations, and incorporating them in your spiritual workings. This is an Introductory to Magical Herbalism.

The author's spiritual practice is rooted in traditional American and European Folk Magic. She is a licensed Pagan Clergy and is the founder of Clan Of The Stone Circle, a Celtic Pagan Tradition. (Funny, anything Celtic has been pulling my attention feelers lately, no wonder why I loved this book.) Her spells are derived/based upon the traditional folk magic practices of Western Europe and the British Isles, and the author's own experiences. They are positive spells for magical intentions of healing, love, prosperity, and protection. Baneful or negative workings with herbs are NOT used in this book.

The aesthetic of this book has my little, beginner herbalist heart gushing! The blue, green, and yellow earthy tones and hues used were perfect for the topic of herbs! The cover is GORGEOUS! It's so pretty and flowery, the illustrated pictures of the herbs were extremely helpful because I had never seen some of the plants before. This will make future identification much easier for me!

Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs by Scott Cunningham - $16.43 (Paperback): A couple reviews describe it as being in a cookbook format, and overall an amazing book, like most of Scott Cunningham's other works. Apparently the Amazon shipping was literal trash for a bunch of people and they essentially left the book loose inside the box to bang around and get all sorts of messed up :((

The Witch's Herbal Apothecary by Marysia Miernowska - $18.69 (Paperback): Described by reviewers as the PERFECT book for recipes and rituals, even one of Marysia's personal students spoke very highly of her, saying that she's the real deal. Other reviews state the book as being very beginner friendly, and beautifully written and illustrated :))

Blackthorn's Botanical Magic: The Green Witch's Guide to Essential Oils for Spellcraft, Ritual, and Healing by Amy Blackthorn - $15.79 (Paperback): again, phenomenal reviews, just a lesser-known book. Again, here's a review from someone who explained the book a bit better than I could:

This book is way more than I thought it would be. I thought it would be like a dictionary - you look up the essential oil and get the definition. It is that but it's also got a few introductory chapters about oils and products and rituals to give you a nice and concise overview of a lot of things you might need to know as a novice. I also like the way you can reference different oils in alpha order but also look up your purpose and find the oil you need.

From the looks of it, this book is specifically about Essential Oils. Is that still Green Witchery?? Lol I'm not sure, but i felt like it should go in this category.

Kitchen Witch (another classic):

Blackthorn's Botanical Brews by Amy Blackthorn - $14.49 (Hardcover): this is mainly a book of recipes for drinks and cocktails and stuff. There was one review complaining about how it didn't have correspondences, meanwhile the book is literally described as being a recipe book? It's an AMAZING book if you enjoy/want to start making homemade elixirs and cocktails :))

The Natural Witch's Cookbook: 100 Magickal, Healing Recipes, and Herbal Remedies to Nourish Body, Mind, and Spirit by Lisanna Wallace - $20.69 (hardcover): This is again just a book of recipes, and the reviews are really good. Here's one of them:

I wanted to write the review as soon as I got the book. I was not expecting this book to be so fantastic. The recipes are very nutritious and the names are very inventive, but I could see that before I tried the recipes. I held off on writing the review until I tasted a few of the recipes. Even my kids were very happy with the flavors of these recipes. They are mostly easy to make and they are very delicious. Be aware though that the food can only be as great as the quality of the ingredients that you get. These are not recipes that call for complicated or fancy ingredients, or even a lot of ingredients. As a result, you have to use the best that you can find/afford to get the best results you can. I did not use expensive ingredients, but everything I used was very fresh and it does make a difference on the outcome. Overall, the book have some great recipes, easy to follow and the end result does look like the ones on the picture.

The Book of Kitchen Witchery by Cerridwen Greenleaf - $12.89 (Paperback):

I am so pleased with this book. It’s so magical and warm. Sometimes the new age genre can be a little too technical or focus too much on religion or putting down particular religions... this was not like that. There are so many lovely tips and easy spells and recipes that are kept fairly light so you can make them your own. The book just makes me happy, it has an energy to it that goes right along with it’s artsy illustrations and at-a-glance format. This will be a great reference. Very grateful to everyone who made this book possible.

A former editor said that there were a few editing mistakes, but nothing too crazy. If that's one of your pet peeves, just beware when buying this book lol (btw the editor still have a 4 star review because they said the book is still very good)

Potions, Elixirs & Brews by Anaïs Alexandre - $12.79 (Hardcover): I just had to include both of these amazing reviews, since both said what the other review did not.

This book is so gorgeous and everything I have been looking for in regards to potions. I love her writing style and the way the book looks. Highly informative and I can feel her good intentions behind the book. She is very intelligent. I respect her and I am inspired by her! I found her by chance looking up books for potions, she also has Instagram! Very grateful, amazing book thank you:-) so happy to be the first comment:p excited to see what else amazing things come from Anais!

And

I adore this book. The art and setup is simplistic and beautiful. There is a system that tells you exactly how difficult each potion will be to make, whether or not it’s alcoholic, and what is the ideal season to make it in. The instructions are clear, the preliminary information is well done, and there’s even a section for brewing large batches which I LOVE. The weight of the book is nice and it feels of good quality. The papers are glossy and, I haven’t yet, but I feel like it won’t be a disaster If you get some of your creation on it. The book is separated into types of potions depending on your intent. This is a perfect book for anyone new to making potions or is interested in a magickal recipe book!

The Witches Feast: A Kitchen Grimoire by Melissa Madara - $35 (Hardcover): This book actually isn't out yet, but it'll be released on October 26th of this year (2021). It looks promising, which is why I put it on the list, and for that much money, it better be good lol

Lunar/Moon/Astrology Witch:

The Complete Guide to Astrology by Louise Edington - $9.49 (Paperback) $22.99 (Hardcover): There's amazing reviews on this book, and one of them said that she's been researching astrology for 23 years!! Here's the review in it's entirety:

I've been a student of Astrology for the past 23 years now, and have read most of the books on this subject that are considered foundational. Many guides to astrology that I page through in a bookstore are fine, but covering information I already know. What I so appreciated about Edington's new book is that she brings a new angle to even the basics of Astrology. Her book feels like a fresh update, more appropriate to our current time in terms of language and sensibility. There are no "evil" aspects or transits in Edington's view, no dark warnings of disaster; her evolutionary perspective encourages us to see the opportunity in even the most challenging times, what can be learned, what can be accomplished. As she says in her book, she doesn't look at the natal chart as something fixed, unchanging, rather a "blueprint rich in meaning and possibility."

I also admired Edington's extensive knowledge of the stories behind the names and symbology used in Astrology: sharing her interpretations of them, how they are useful, how they can be limiting. Concepts I thought I already understood have been unpacked in greater depth by the author, so that I see deeper layers.

This text is beautifully written, well-organized, offering a fresh update, as well as a deeper dive than many astrology texts. This book is an invaluable resource I'll be returning to, and consulting, with appreciation.

Moon Spells: How to Use the Phases of the Moon to Get What You Want by Diane Ahlquist - $11.35 (Paperback): This book is a bit older fashioned in the sense that it's VERY heteronormative, we're talking about love magick SPECIFICALLY for men and all about being a father, and a section of love magick SPECIFICALLY for women and being a mother. So if this gets on your nerves, then i wouldn't recommend this book. Other than that, the reviews are very good and they describe the book as being a must-have for lunar witches.

The Complete Book of Moon Spells by Michael Herkes - $13.49 (Paperback): Yes, this book was written by a man. If that's something that might make you not want to purchase, please look at this and also keep in mind that SO MANY of the most highly esteemed witches of the world ARE MEN. So if you wanna be closed off and refuse their help and their knowledge, go ahead sis, I'm not stopping you.

He's most definitely not just "some guy". Aside from that, this book has very good reviews. Some people called it "fluffy" and a bit less serious then they anticipated, but it's very good for beginner witches who are finally wanting to start doing spells. Here's a review.

In this book you explore ways to conjure the mysterious power of the moon to manifest your intentions to achieve abundance and balance in your life! Each chapter is devoted to one of the eight phases of the moon and includes various spells, tarot spreads, crystal grids and potions that reflect that phase of the moon!

This is an overall amazing book if you want to build a foundation of learning about the history of the moon, astrology, cycles & phases, ritual tools, crystals, herbs, and essential oils- as well as the moon spells and rituals.

This is one of my new favorite books! I feel so connected to the moon and this book is a great reference for learning the best rituals and spells to use for the different moon phases and energies surrounding them! It’s easy to follow and the lunar rituals, mystical spells and magical drinks are so vibrant, creative and helpful in my spiritual journey. I’d recommend this book to anyone that loves the moon like I do.

Moon Magic: A Handbooks of Lunar Cycles, Lore, and Mystical Energies by Aurora Kane - $19.99 (Hardcover, although there's only three left when I'm looking at it) $9.99 (Kindle):

One review said that the book much surpassed their expectations, and another review said this:

I absolutely adore this book.

If you're just a beginner and want to understand the different moon phases, this is the book to get.

The information inside was extremely helpful without being overly complicated.

Well worth the money spent.

Astrology: Using the Wisdom of the Stars in Your Everyday Life by DK - $14.59 (Hardcover):

I saw this in store and was immediately drawn to it's beautiful and shiny cover! But when I open it, the inside is just as beautiful! I love looking through the pages. I would say it is a very good basic astrology book, but I have another one that gives much more detail. I like this one for more of a quick reference kind of book. It's more of a bullet point style book, where it gives little tidbits instead of paragraphs going in depth. (Though some pages do have paragraphs) BUT, it covers just about everything including all the houses, moon signs, and ascending signs. It covers everything, but it just covers he tip of the iceberg. (In my opinion) I still absolutely recommend it!

Apparently this book is also available in Barnes and Noble, so if you have access to one, you might wanna look there for the book before purchasing off of Amazon :)

Misc Books (General):

The Spell Book for New Witches: Essential Spells to Change Your Life by Ambrosia Hawthorn - $10.19 (Paperback) $20.69 (Hardcover):

This book... It's a very good spell book, and is true in the spells it contains, but MY biggest problem with it is that it's V E R Y Wiccan, and seems almost preachy about the "Threefold Law" and what they like to call "karma". Choosing not to do dark magick is PERFECTLY FINE and being Wiccan is totally okay! But don't be like Christianity and rub it in people's faces, dude. The book talks about how you can ONLY practice "love and light". Other than that, this book is AMAZING and rated literally 5 stars with over 11K reviews. If you lean more Wiccan, by ALL means, buy this spellbook. It's the one for you.

Practical Magic for Beginners by Maggie Haseman - $13.49 (Paperback)

This book is fantastic for the witch who wants to learn more about her craft but doesn't know where to start. Each subject is broken down into easy to absorb bits of wisdom without being overwhelming. A great jumping off place to decide where to dive in deep next.

This book is very comprehensive, and is a great reference guide for beginner witches, or witches looking to add another book to their collection.

Candle Magic For Beginners by Mystic Dylan - $10.86 (Paperback) $21.99 (Spiral bound)

This book is a must have for anyone looking to deepen their connection with the magical element of fire, ritual, and spell work through candle magic! Dylan not only teaches you how to use candle magic for things such as protection, abundance, love, healing, and more, but takes you through the fascinating history of the power of fire & how to properly charge, cleanse, and consecrate your candles to begin manifesting your deepest desires!!! Overall, the book is beautifully written with gorgeous illustration and will hook you from the start!!!!!!!

This book is perfect for beginners to candle magick, or beginners to the craft in general. I personally LOVE candle magic because I've always been attracted to fire. I could void out and just stare at a flame for hours on end lol

Crystals for Beginners by Karen Frazier - $8.99 (Paperback) $20.95 (Spiral bound)

Absolutely love this book!! It’s so informative! I am a beginner and this book explains a lot. Everything a beginner would need to know about crystals is in this book. I am so pleased with it. Best purchase of the week! Definitely worth it. The author explains crystals, chakras and energy so enthusiastically and in a way that is easy to understand. At the end of the book, is a “resources” page with all the websites, books and apps that the Author recommends.

Again, very beginner friendly, but this time it's not spells, it's crystals and such. I've personally been wanting this book for AGES

The Crystal Bible Series by Judy Hall - $38.99 (Volume 1-3 shrink-wrapped set, paperback):

This is my first purchase of the three-part series by Judy Hall. Volume 1 covers over 200 crystals! I can already tell you I'll be purchasing volumes 2 and 3 (each of which cover 200+ MORE crystals/stones, not included in volume 1) I love how each crystal description includes photos to further help in identification. I also appreciate that rarity and sources were included. Information about the spiritual and physical impacts of crystals on the body is in there as well! This book is loaded with a lot of great information and is the perfect quick reference. It's also small and fits easily in my hand. I highly recommend it for beginners.

This is a review from just the first book, and it's from a verified hauler/buyer :)) these aren't exactly newbie friendly, and some people say they're a bit harder to understand.