#and I am extremely unlikely to write it myself

[hexenmond]

A dreamling fic idea

Haven't posted here in forever, and the first thing pouring out of me is a wild writing prompt I came up with today, having spent more than two months devouring dreamling fanfic (which is wild in itself, maybe I'll write about that as well. The devouring I mean).

Most of the idea comes from À Cœur Vaillant by WyvernQuill. It's a fishbowl rescue fic, but the one who does the actual rescuing is a still very young Alex Burgess, who in turn gets saved from his father's ire by Paul McGuire. So that's lovely. (Go read it!)

And in general I like it when people who have done shitty things come around at some point. Like Hob got involved in the slave trade and came to see just how wrong that was. Because we're humans, and we fuck up sometimes, and it can take us a long time to be able to see it – and then what happens? How do we deal with our own shittiness once it has irrevocably happened? Do we try to be better, or shy away from the mess?

So I thought, what if Dream's in the bowl, and Alex shoots Jessamy, and old Roderick dies, and Alex is left with a prisoner he never wanted but is too cowardly to set free (canon so far). And Paul tells him it's wrong, repeatedly, but is a coward himself, so nothing actually changes.

But some time before 1989, Paul McGuire finds it within himself to put his foot down – and there are several interesting things that could make this change of heart happen. Possibly a coincidental chat with a certain immortal about regrets, or just some life event that shakes him awake. And he goes to Alex and says, hey, this is wrong and can't go on. In your heart of hearts, you know that as well as I do. We should free him, even if that means we'll die. We aren't free while he is not free.

And Alex protests and all of course, and tries to talk him out of it again, and panics, and flips his shit – but when Paul is still determined after some days and takes him by the hand to go downstairs, he goes along. Scared to death, but between knowing Paul is right and loving him, he doesn't fight.

So Paul stands before the fishbowl, scared but determined, holding Alex next to him, who is on the verge of collapsing, and he addresses Dream, basically saying something along the lines of "we should have done this straight after the old codger died, and we didn't out of cowardice, but now we're going to set you free, and hope that you have some mercy on us for this". And he breaks the circle and the glass, or whatever it takes.

Now, this might happen just very shortly before Dream's scheduled meeting with Hob, and like I've read in a couple of other fics, Dream might have been agonising over having to miss this appointment. So getting to go after all might just temper his wrath the teensiest bit, if not immediately then maybe at a later point.

I can see this going two ways at this point: he takes great pleasure in trapping Alex in eternal nightmares for killing Jessamy, the guards as well for good measure, but he leaves Paul unscathed for being the driving force behind his release and doing it before June 7th, 1989. And then he storms off to find his tools and sulk and get ready for his not-date.

Or, he does that but Paul has already geared himself up to be incredibly brave that day and so dares to ask what Dream has done to Alex, and Dream says "best of my nightmares around the clock", and Paul takes one deep breath and then begs him to split the nightmares between them both, so that they would share nightmares every night but still be awake together during the day. And Dream says, oh well, your funeral, and makes it so, and then storms off.

In both cases Paul is very miserable (nightmares every night forever is bound to leave you permanently sleep-deprived, or else he has to live with Alex's screams and permasleep). And at some point he might speak to Hob. Again, bundle of possible scenarios:

he'd talked to Hob before (see above) and they have some previous acquaintance;

he just washes up in The New Inn like a commoner and starts drinking, and Hob is a barkeeper with many years of experience;

they might talk while Dream is still picking up his tools and before the appointment, or afterwards.

And at some point Hob makes some connection, depending on this and also how open Dream is after his imprisonment.

Since I personally feel that revenge does not bring lasting satisfaction, let alone joy, I could see Hob helping Dream grieve Jessamy, and also appreciate the understanding he gained while in involuntary timeout. And maybe he relents after some time, maybe because he took a good look at Alex and Paul's nightmares. Or gives them a task to accomplish.

The end? I don't know. Depends on the story you want to tell, who and what it's really about. But I like the premise, is what I wanted to say.

[steelycunt]

the christmas fic is frankly becoming. the bane of my fucking existence sorry

[konigsblog]

I, personally, hate the r@pe things you write.

I feel very strongly about SA and I know my feelings aren't your priority. I used to read your stuff a lot then actually ended up blocking you, but I decided to unblock you for this message.

I know a lot of people use this as a coping mechanism if they ARE victims, but hey, to each their own. You can't save everybody.

I just don't fuck with it. It's not my forte, but I know, deep down, you're not a bad person. Your brain just doesn't completely function. I, myself, have weird fantasies about military men and serial killers, but only about one's from shows, movies, or basically anyone fictional. I, myself, am extremely weird and I think I have a few mental disorders but I haven't gotten tested.

The things you write are vial, disgusting, and down right crazy, but hey, I used to fantasize about r@pe and honestly can't even imagine myself fantasizing about being violated now. I guess I've healed in a way or whatever, but I'm still into rough play and knives and such.

What im trying to say is, I feel for you and don't like your stuff at the same time. Nobody with a normal functioning, properly working brain is into what your into. It's just plain wrong. But that doesn't mean you're bad. You're just...mentally unput. Or, that's my assumption from first hand experience.

I just feel like your brain is messed up. Not in a quirky " I'm so twisted⛓️" way, but there's actually something wrong in there. Like, you're actually missin' a few dozen screws.

I have awful intrusive thoughts about hurting, killing, and/or fornicating with them and I hate this because it's a mental battle that honestly makes me wanna commit, which is why I feel so strongly about r@pe, especially as someone who gets catcalled a lot, and I am in dangerous situations often.

R@pe is worse than murder in my opinion because you can't hurt once you're done and dead, but being a survivor is an actual psychological battle that's torture, and torture is ALSO worse than murder.

I'm glad to know you don't actually support real SA and have some actual boundaries unlike the tons of idiots that I've blocked that do. Most of them have never even come close to experiencing SA, or just plain don't care.

I just think you feel this way because an actual issue with your brain. I don't mean this hatefully, even though I hate what you write. But that's just my analysis. But I am curious to know what made you this way.

you're a disgusting piece of shit, you don't know me, and let's keep it that way

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for bitching about fics I dislike on my blog?

as a foreword, this is kind of a non-issue and no one's ever told me to stop, but I'm curious what other people think of fandom etiquette.

the fandom: a fairly small one. 2.4k fics on ao3 small. I recognize most people posting in its tumblr tag small. if I tell you the name of the source you'd almost definitely be able to find me small.

the source: pornographic, which means everyone involved is or should be an adult. it's BL with a switch MC, but the fandom overwhelmingly prefers bottom MC/top LIs (love interests), to the point where I've had people be astonishingly rude to me because my favorite character is a bottom LI and some of my friends have been outright harassed for the same. I used to not care about sex positions in the slightest, but now when I see bottom MC fanworks I can't help but remember how poorly I was treated.

the fics: wildly and inexplicably popular, even though they are, frankly, poorly written. it's eternal bottom MC turned up to 11, complete with copious amounts of OOCness in order to turn every ship into the worst ye olde yaoi gender roles dynamic you can imagine. it's things like MC, canonically a 23yo plank of a dudeguy, being written as a big titted milf in his 40s (which is made more confusing by the fact that one of the LIs is already a big titted milf). it's also things like the MC being written as disliking sex and having to be coerced into it when one of the most charming things about him is that he's a hilarious sex pest, or writing the LIs sexually harassing the MC when they really would never do that. I've likened it to replacing the characters with OCs that share the same name and my friends have agreed with me. I'm honestly convinced that the author and his readers don't actually like any of the characters if they feel the need to change everyone so thoroughly.

why I might be an asshole: it's assholish to hate on free fanworks, and I've bitched about these fics on my public tumblr blog. the fandom is small enough that there's a non-zero chance of it getting back to the author and a reasonable chance that fans of the fics have seen my bitching. I'm probably projecting the hostility I've received onto someone who's done absolutely nothing to me, and I am absolutely just straight up jealous that their fics get better stats than mine. I may also be being an asshole to myself, because being critical of other people's fics has made my hypercritical of my own.

why I don't think I'm an asshole: I think everyone has the right to be bad at things, but I also think everyone has the right to be a little hater. I don't put the fandom tag on these posts; they stay on my blog and my blog alone, and if later on I feel like I was unfairly vitriolic I'll delete the posts. I only post on tumblr because I'm certain the author in question only uses twitter, which dramatically lowers the odds of him stumbling across my posts. the fics are so popular that it's definitely possible that their fans would see my posts, but I think it's unlikely that they'd bother looking at my blog because 99% of my posts are about one of the bottom LIs. I have never and would never leave comments on the fics themselves, and I generally try to keep the bitchy posts to a minimum; it's far from a constant thing.

tl;dr - I publicly bitch about fics that (in my opinion) are poorly written and extremely OOC, under the assumption that it's unlikely the author would ever see it. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[cupids-chamber]

𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐔𝐒

Hi, so I'm going on an indefinite hiatus. This is a impromptu decision, so I don't know if I'll come back in like a day and correct myself. But I've been debating on this decision for a long time, so yea.

[ below the undercut you'll find some of my reasons for this decision, and etc, I'd be grateful if you take your time reading it. ]

I don't feel comfortable as 'Cupid', I guess it's because 'Cupid' was never supposed to be my persona, she was just an oc who's running this blog, and it was supposed to be fun, mini lore bits, or whatever, and I thought the idea was really cool back then. . up until people started calling me Cupid.

I guess overtime, I never made a serious effort to correct it, so like it just became me? But like as shit went on and on and on . . It felt weird, I guess a sort of imposter syndrome or like identity crises started forming? I . . didn't feel like myself, I guess I felt like whatever 'Cupid' was.

And as months passed with this sort of identity crises, I started questioning my personality, my interests, if my friends here truly liked me, or if I was more open or idk myself? If they'd still like me? I'm not a chronically online person, in fact I've realized pretty recently that I hate staying in one place, I love the outdoors, and if I could I'd socialize more, but I also overthink and get embarrassed easily. I don't like being on my pc 24/7, yes it's something I still do, but I feel terrible after doing so.

I actually picked up certain interests I've had in the passed again, and I've felt more like myself. I don't know, I think I've realized that my relationship with this blog has been unhealthy, it's always been unhealthy, and my identity crises was the least extreme problem I've had due to this blog.

Actually, the game, the controversies, the fights, everything I've experienced on this blog, has left lasting physical damage on my body, I can't handle anxiety, I can't handle stress, and it's because the moment I get anxiety, stressed, or begin to overthink, I get immensely nauseas, I'm stuck in the bathroom, and if I don't throw up it feels worse, I can't eat, I'm unproductive for hours if one things ticks off my anxiety. I feel unlike myself, and the thing is, I can't fix it, it's just how I'm now. I have pills I have to take for this itself, and honestly they've not been 100% helpful.

Alongside abundance of other problems, mental breakdowns, and so much more shit, this blog has truly done nothing but make everything so much worse for me. If I had one good day or week with this blog and the people around me, I can expect a month of bad in return, and there comes a point where I genuinely cannot fake confidence out of it.

I genuinely think I need to dissociate from 'Cupid', she's not me, I'm not her. As I'm typing this, I genuinely wonder, what am I truly? Up until now my identity, was what I formed through 'Cupid', and honestly I don't even know where I'm going with this, I genuinely am just . . done. I'm tired. I've tried, I have not succeeded in overcoming any problems this blog has caused me.

I think a part of me is so attached to this blog, because of 'Cupid' and of course because it helped me out of my depressive pit, but as these last few weeks pass, and I edge closer to my final year before university, I feel myself returning to that depressive pit, worse than ever . . so at that point, I can't help but ask myself, what was the point of me staying on this blog despite the clear signs and warnings for me to leave?

I really don't know where I'm going with this, but I'm really grateful for everyone who has followed this blog, who have given me the chance to improve my writing. I guess it's time for a genuine goodbye? Because as I'm writing this, I don't really plan on coming back and that's the honest truth, with every hiatus I try and dance around a final goodbye but after this week I genuinely think this is the best decision for myself.

Note : Kindly do not call refer to me as 'Cupid', or anything if you plan on responding and if you do want to remain in contact with me, please message me for my new discord account. I probably won't respond fast as I try and maintain a distance from this account and don't bother contacting me on discord, I'm taking a break from the account as well <3

[justlemmeadoreyou]

Unfulfilled

Ok so this was something I wrote a month ago, a simple idea that just popped up in my head. I kinda wanted to make this a series, and I still have the whole story, but I didn't think you all would like it, so tell me if you do! xoxo

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: fluff, cursing

Pairing: nerd!harry x nerd!reader

YN was stressed.

She had a physics exam tomorrow, and the constant flaunting by Harry wasn’t helping.

“I’ve revised thrice. And I am solving previous years’ papers for like, 2 hours now. I still don’t get this.” He sighed, listing up a plethora of achievements that YN was nowhere near.

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. You’ve finished the syllabus and are way ahead of me. I am far behind and you’re solving questions. Happy?” YN replied, head pounding from the strain in her eyes.

“What? No! Who said I was listing all the things I’ve already done? And that you’re way behind?” He smirked, and she wanted to smack his face.

“Shut up” she finally said to him, and he started to pout.

“Hey, I was just teasing. Do you want me to help you?” he asked, now feeling a bit guilty.

“No, I’ll do it myself. I just feel a bit stressed.” you replied, placing a hand over your head.

“Let’s go for some coffee. I’ll get you a muffin too” he offered, and who were you to refuse free coffee?

“Sure” you smiled, and he dragged both of your chairs out, pushing them back in after you got up. You exited the library and he followed behind.

“You know you don’t have to worry so much. You’ve studied. I know you have.” he smiled reassuringly, and you could feel some of the tension slipping away, looking at his ridiculously cute dimples.

“Thank you. You are the only person who would say that and I would actually believe it.”

You entered the small cafe, ordering two decafs. You drank it on the way, and went back to studying at the library.

You and Harry were academic rivals, for as long as you can recall. Since high school to senior year, and then here you were attending the same grad school.

Here too, you fought like children. The competition was a bit tougher now, though, since you both wanted to get good placements, and keeping constant 9+ cgpa was a tough task.

Nevertheless, you had become friends.

Good friends, actually. You both gave the valedictorian speech together, and you had to spend a lot of time with him for it. It was then that you realized that he was not so bad after all.

He was quite caring. He constantly checked in on those around him, making sure they were okay, and letting them know that he was there for them. Even right now, he would make you drink water, shared his food with you, and gave you a head massage. He took you for coffee, so that you would get up from the depressing library and get some fresh air, before going back and diving back in.

He was quite balanced too. He was extremely good at studies, and managed everything else along with it.

Everything, which was almost annoying.

He went for a run every morning around the uni, and was ridiculously fit. He was tall, and had great hair. He played occasional basketball too, and there was a plethora of girls who attended the game just to watch him get hit in the balls with the basketball.

He would go to parties too, unlike you, who preferred to stay in and burn your eyes out on a new movie on your laptop. He drank beers, and looked better than you in the morning.

He was so perfect.

How did he manage to do that?

>>>

The exam day had arrived. You had been biting your nails since morning, and had to stop before you drew out blood and had trouble writing. He sent you texts throughout the morning, wishing you luck and encouraging you.

“Love, you’ll do well”

“Yeah, but not as well as you. How many times have you revised now?”

“Four. But-It dosen’t matter!”

“Yeah. Right.”

As if a stressed-and-not-even-revised-once head could compare to a i-revised-five-times one.

Turns out, it did.

On the day of the result, you had managed to bite through your skin, and drew out blood. Your roommate, Lizzy, had put band-aids on each finger, and scolded you for doing it. She wanted to tie your hands to the side even, so they won’t reach your vampire teeth.

As the professor was handing out the papers, you felt nervous. Everything you had written in the paper was coming back to you like an attack, and making you think you had done everything wrong.

Meanwhile, Harry was relaxed.

So relaxed.

He had his arms behind his head, and was leaning on to the backrest, looking like he owned the world. You did not anticipate the change in expression when he saw his score.

“What-?” you could hear the surprise in his shreik, and he pouted like a baby when the professor shushed him.

He was looking at the paper like it wasn’t his own, and as if he had been somehow betrayed.

You managed to walk down to his sheet while the rpof was distributing them to the last benches, and quickly grabbed his sheet to see his score.

“95. Are you mad?”

“Just 95”

He groaned and frowned, trying to take your sheet and see the score.

“What did you get?”

“Oh. I didn’t see” you were so engrossed in his score that you hadn’t even taken a glance at your own paper.

You pulled out your sheet, and glanced at the big red circle.

98

Holy shit.

“What the-” you stopped mid-sentence, and your expression now matched Harry’s.

“Fuckin’ hell” he snatched the paper from your hands, and frantically started to go through each question. Every question of yours matched his, except one. It was a 3 marker, and you had gotten it right.

“I solved this in like, 30 seconds. It’s ridiculous-” he held the paper up, reading the question, “-Is it easier to pull, or push?” he put it down, and said “ Pull. Obviously.”

“That’s not true. It actually depends on the situation. Plus, you had to give an example.”

“What did you write?”

“It depends on the situation. If you were to move a lawn mover, pull would be easy. If you were moving an almirah, push would be easy.”

“Shit” he looked sad and confused, and to be honest, you felt bad for him.

“I can’t believe you got more than me.”

“Yeah. Suck on it, Styles’”

“Hey! I helped you!”

“Well, you couldn’t even answer a push n’ pull question. Next time, I’ll help you” you couldn’t stop the big smirk that stayed on your face throughout the class.

And honestly, even Harry couldn’t stop the warm glow spreading across his face from seeing you happy.

(next part)

perfect dividers by @firefly-graphics

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[calicobigamy]

I can't be only one, right...?

I wanted to finish the game and then write this post but I gave up. I put in 100 plus hours and just could not go on once I got into act three. Maybe no one will hear my pitiful cry from the void, but I must scream for the sake of my sanity.

I was completely and utterly disappointed by Baldur's Gate 3. 

It had huge maps like an open world game yet I had no desire to explore the settings despite their beauty. It had hours of dialogue as an RPG would and yet I found myself skipping characters' responses. The game mechanic structure was inspired by DnD, a story-telling game dictated by some rules, lucky rolls and the extent of players' imagination, yet I was strong-armed into fighting impossibly stacked battles. A story-telling game dependent on the players’ attachment to their and their teammates' characters and yet this game lacked any kind of narrative consistency or depth of feeling. 

Larian wanted to make an open world RPG, based off of DND mechanics and somehow did the worst version of all three. The studio touts that Baldur’s Gate 3 has 17,000 possible endings and 2 million words, but to what end? What did this game have to say about what happens when people rise to the challenge and become heroes despite their circumstances or fall into the dark and become the monsters they were supposed to fight? What did it suggest might happen when fate deals you a bad hand but in doing so also helps you find true friends or love with the other? Ultimately, nothing. 

BG3 is so large that it ends up being incoherent. No writing or game structure decisions were made to keep the narrative tight and on theme. It urges players to choose a moral alignment, but most decisions, good or bad, seem to end up having little effect in the end. To play the game at all you have to resort to save scumming and that in turn deflates the possible impact of so many plot points of the narrative overall. 

Forcing players to save scum in order to progress through the game is terrible design in general. Statistically speaking the bosses make impossible critical hits again and again. I was playing in the game’s “casual mode” and found myself struggling to get through confrontations with bosses that were at a lower level than my own. If you are reading and thinking oh well you are probably not using tactics or spells well, etc., let’s do a little experiment…

Take your d20 (https://rolladie.net/roll-a-d20-die if you don’t have one in person). In the third act of BG3 I had an AC of 13 as a sorcerer with 100 plus HP. Roll your d20 ten times or more. How many times out of ten would your character have gotten to hit mine successfully? Unless an enemy is extremely lucky it should be unlikely that an enemy could hit my character every turn they get. And even if they do they would have to roll for damage which is only a single d6, d8, d10 or d12 plus a modifier at lower levels depending on your class. Again an enemy would have to have an extremely lucky roll to hit me every turn AND deal significant damage. During an in person DnD session that is just a bad night for my character. In a video game on casual mode that is significantly suspicious. 

So what you might say. You've made and enjoyed the fanart, memes and etc. You got your $61 worth of playtime. So many other people were fine with the game, what is your problem? 

I love video games. They blend so many artforms and tell stories in ways never done before. It is a medium unique to our current century and when historians look back they will view video games as an insight to our culture. 

It frustrates me to no end that Baldur’s Gate 3 is considered the next gold standard. Too many games have done open world and RPGs in a fantasy setting far better for Larian (Swen Vincke) to have made the design and writing choices they did with BG3. There are so many podcasts and shows that have written better stories through the DnD format. I am embarrassed for the medium as an artist and frustrated as a player. Players and the industry deserve better than to have artists, actors, engineers etc. burn themselves out creating maximalist behemoths like this game. A game that is beautiful but basically unplayable, narratively, nihilistic and incoherent. 

[yokowan]

It was early in the autumn last year, just as the leaves were beginning to turn, that I found myself in the company of the most peculiar maid. Or, so I call it, for want of a better word. You see, by my very nature I am extremely disorganised. My clothes cycle between the floor and my person, maybe finding themselves in the wash from time to time if I feel so daring. Papers and writing implements are strewn about every level surface of my residence. Soiled dishes pile high and are not cleaned until I entirely run out or the smell becomes intolerable. My absent and aimless mind has led me to live in a kind of squalor that the most rancid maggots might turn up their noses at.

One weary late night, I readied myself to sleep. As I always do, I picked up the pile of clothes off of my bed and tossed them approximately in the direction of a chair. Imagine my surprise, then, when I looked over and saw the clothes had somehow perfectly folded themselves as they flew through the air and landed in a neatly squared stack. If not for the dreadful hour of night I probably would have stepped in to investigate, perhaps attempting the same a few more times. Instead I laughed at the bizarre coincidence, and collapsed in my bed.

That following mid-afternoon, after I had awoken and persuaded myself out of bed, I lumbered into the kitchen to prepare a cup of coffee. As I approached the counter I stopped and rubbed my eyes. There was already a cup of coffee there, piping hot. Perhaps I sleepwalked? I've always known myself to be a restless sleeper, tossing and muttering through the night, but never have I seen evidence of myself walking about, let alone brewing an entire cup of coffee. Well, I've never been one to refuse a spontaneous gift, even one from an unconscious version of myself, so I picked up the beverage and took a sip.

It's sweet.

Perfectly brewed, just as I like it, but I always take my coffee black. In my waking state I don't even know where my sugar dish is!

I brushed the miscellaneous on papers on my couch to one side and sat down to ponder the event as I drank. Had I, in some trance, managed to go through my entire morning routine and then return to bed with absolutely no recollection of these events, I surely would have at least made my coffee by muscle memory. Somehow not only had I made the drink, but I'd also found the sugar which I most certainly purchased at one point but has never been used since. And all this done without disturbing a single thing in my kitchen! It's so unlike me!

Perhaps it wasn't me. Perhaps some strange and bizarrely covert infiltrator entered my house and helped themselves to my kitchen before being turned away by guilt. Or, perhaps I could have been under the spell of some benevolent coffee-making warlock, or possessed by a spirit, or somehow otherwise under the influence of some magicks beyond my comprehension. Or perhaps, and oh how I laughed when the thought crossed my mind, the coffee just did that on its own! Remembering the spontaneously folded pile of clothes from the preceding night, I considered that maybe the clockwork of the universe aligned just so that the moisture in the air would come to rest in my cup and powdered coffee would fall from my shelf in just the right measure and sugar would appear from God-knows-where and…

What a preposterous idea.

I arose to investigate around the kitchen some more. The dishes on the counter and items in the cabinets were all in precisely the same order, or rather disorder, which they were in the night before. Odd. Absentmindedly, my fingers find themselves brushing against the kettle. It's stone cold. Even more odd. The coffee was hot as if just brewed when I found it, surely the kettle wouldn't have had time to cool down by now. I checked the stove, too, for good measure. Cold as well.

I sighed and stared vacantly as I took the last sips of my coffee. What a perplexing mystery indeed. I set my cup down on the counter. I nearly failed to notice before walking away, but it had just barely caught my attention that the bottom of the cup was entirely clean. I picked it back up and scrutinized it further. Not only was it clean but it was completely dry. As if there had never been any coffee in it at all! Perhaps I had hallucinated the whole ordeal, maybe the beverage in its entirety was illusory? But I could still taste the coffee on my breath! I ran to the closest mirror to look my teeth and indeed the residue of coffee still stained them slightly. No, the coffee could not have been an illusion.

I sat down on the couch with a frustrated "harumph!" What sort of silly games is the universe playing on me. Perhaps this is all a dream? Maybe, but it feels much too real. And besides, it would be a completely useless wager to make; if I'm wrong I'll wake up anyways.

My eyes wandered to the other end of the couch, where I noticed the pile of papers that I'd shoved off to the side. They were organized. Neatly in a stack. The unpaid bills that I'd intentionally shoved to the bottom of the pile some days ago had all found themselves on top, as well.

What sort of treacherous divine mockery is being made of me! Is some bored ancient deity teasing me for my carelessness? Or has the machinery of creation at last taken pity on this dreadful sloven? "What is happening to me!" I cried out in desperation.

As if in response, a stiff draft blew through an open window, lifting an empty bread bag into the air, from where it drifted ever so gently into my wastebasket. I slumped back in my seat. It seems lady luck has made herself a maid.

[hanafubukki]

Malleus Draconia’s Flower Bouquet Meaning

Twst Bdays Flower Language Masterlist

I have been waiting and waiting for the release of Malleus’ 3rd Bday card with such anticipation. I literally waited every day until the time Twst JP usually updates with news for some semblance of Malleus Bday card news.

AND NOW MY BOY IS HERE AND HE LOOKS SO FINE PLEASE. His smirk with the fangs sends me. His wink is so cute! Lilia is raising these boys right! Look at HIM.

January is the moth of Diasomnia and I love it, we have Malleus, Lilia, Silver and Sebek card releases. (Diasomnia Stans I hope your gems survive). 

As I did with Lilia’s Bouquet Post , I will be writing more than I usually do. Malleus Draconia is one of my favorite twst characters and he deserves it and all the effort (in this love essay, I will). In addition, I will be adding possible theories along the way and will be mentioning book 7 too and other cards that have been released, so heed spoilers for book 7 and cards that might have not released yet.

At first glance, Malleus’ Bouquet reminded me of Trey’s Bouquet . In the sense that it reminded me of a salad, and I couldn’t help but laugh a bit because of it. When you think about some of the meanings previously discussed in Trey’s Bouquet, it applies to Malleus as well when you think about it: past, present, and future. But I’m getting ahead of myself, we will discuss that later.

It’s really nice seeing Malleus so happy especially without any worries right now (basically flirting with us lolol). After book 7 chapter 1, I am happy he is full of energy and amusement. 

I do wish that his bouquet had more colors to make it pop more, but like Lilia’s, Malleus’ bouquet does fit him rather well. It can give you a glimpse of his past and current mindset, and also a hint to the future of what may come. (please, my heart.) 

Some observations from just from a glance, Malleus’ bouquet may not pop as much color wise, but you know what it does really well? It blends into the environment rather seamlessly.  Unlike Trey, who doesn't like to stand out and would rather blend in, which shows in his flowers. For malleus, it is not by choice. He blends in seamlessly because he is forgotten by those around him. When he is not forgotten, people are scared of him and tend to run away. The only ones to truly notice him missing are Lilia, Sebek, Silver, and MC.

We know that Malleus hates being forgotten and left out and this bouquet shows that while he blends in to the environment, it is not by choice and some of the flower meanings show his feelings towards being forgotten and ostracized. (I’ll never forget you Malleus 💕💕). 

Greem flowers tend to be rare and on further research, they also tend to be mutations in some variations of flowers. This fits Malleus because we can all say that he is a highly respected figure, not only is he a future king in the Valley of Thorns, but he is one of the top ten strongest mages in the world. If we went further, Malleus is a type of dragon fae, and royalty, maybe he might or might not be the last of his kind? Only time will tell, as we know the only relative he has right now is his grandmother. I

In terms of magic power, malleus is extremely strong and we can see how the story swings and the narrative changes when he deigns to step in and help. Book 5, Malleus fixed the stage hence allowing for VDC to continue, and in book 6, he helped Vil by making him young again. We have seen in masquerade the magic potential he has and how that affects the environment as well, and in book 7 a well. Malleus is unique and rare, and that could also show why he is so revered heavily by everyone else when all he wants is to be invited and share experiences with others.

I love how Malleus is also winking in this card, as he is in other cards. You certainly get the Diasomnia closeness as because sebek was also winking in his cards. We also have the smile that Lilia and Silver all share too, which I think is cute! I might be wrong but I think all the third years so far have been winking?

Now, let’s talk about some rather interesting...moves that twst played with the release of this Malleus card. First of all, with the release of the Malleus Bday card, We also received the Silver Dorm SSR card. This is interesting because this is the first time they released a Dorm SSR card without a story update. What’s more, its rather interesting they chose to release it with the Malleus card which makes me wonder how purposely did they do this? Was this as a way to show the connection Silver and Malleus has? 

As in a sense, Malleus can be paralleled to Maleficent and Silver could be Aurora (and the Sword, Shield, and Prince Philip technically) from what we see on the surface level. It's as if they are telling us these two are more connected than we realize and maybe they are a mirror too (or like that one promo where you see Maleficent on one side and the princess on another as two opposite spectrums).

Considering the opposite styles that Malleus and Silver were raise (by Lilia no less), it hurts to see how much this is stressed. You can tell familial love will play a big role in book7 from this alone. It also makes it seem like they are pushing Malleus to play this evil role that he clearly doesn't want to be in when all he wants is to belong and be invited.

Another interesting point I want to bring up is that, Silver is the only one without the title that basically says “___ Protector of the Valley of Thorns” Instead, He is the sleeping guardian. So, we have this disconnect between the four and shows how much of the role Silver might play when it comes to the other three diasomnia residents.  This Post shows the English titles  and this post is a jp comment about it as well I believe .

It alludes more and more to the fact that Silver has a connection to ‘dreams’ and that could also be a hint on how Malleus and everyone could be saved given that Malleus is the King of the Abyss as well. Maybe, Silver’s UM is connected to dreams as everyone speculate, but I digress. We know at the end of the day, these two have a connection and only time will tell what kind of connection and what it will put everyone through (and how it will eventually wreck us too, get your tissue boxes ready everyone. Book 7 chapter 1 already came for us without reprieve.)

Another fact that I find funny is that Malleus’ Duo is Ace. So, I can’t wait to see how Ace and Malleus interact given that Ace....doesn’t care for manners when it comes to people in power and will basically say what's on his mind. Which, we can see from Endless Halloween. I also personally find it funny because many people tend to ship MC with Ace and Malleus and these two always end up in a triangle and I can’t wait to see what happens after the interview lol Ace also doesn’t have his UM so maybe its a hint of Ace’s role in Book 7 (he could be hiding it as well, since we know how much of a trickster he is).

Malleus’ card spells are similar to those of Idia’s Bday ones apparently. Which is funny and interesting given that Idia will play a big role in book 7, especially in terms of grief and moving on and recovering from the loss of a loved one.

I can’t wait to see Malleus’ groovy. I hope its either in dawn or dusk because that would not only be beautiful but give a wonderful symbolism as well. 

Malleus holding the bouquet so effortlessly also shows his strength, I mean look at him, no struggle at all.

You know what makes me so soft about Malleus’ bouquet? It’s that he has signs of those he loves in his bouquet. He has flowers that symbolizes Lilia, Sebek, Silver, and even MC/Yuu.

Now, lets talk about Flowers 🌺💚🌺💚

[As usual, my disclaimer from before stands, flowers have many different meanings depending on region and color, so the meanings I have might differ from the meanings you know.]

In addition, I know there were some feelings of sadness going around with Malleus’ bouquet because most of the associated flower language were negative, but remember every flower has more than one meaning and together, the flower language can change as a whole depending on the bouquet. It also depends on the meaning we choose to empathize over the others. 

His flowers are kind of hard to tell, so I put whichever ones I thought they might be. Get your hearts ready and anything you have that has Malleus’ face because you are going to want to hug him. (total opposite from how I wanted to yeet Lilia during his post lol) 

Flower Colors (general meaning): 

Green Flowers: Health, resilience, good fortune, and youth. We know Malleus is young in terms of Fae age and we know he also has to learn and mature more when in comes to certain instances over the others. Some examples we have seen was when things didn’t go his way and you can see the weather being affected, but also we have to consider that he never really got to act his age has he? Health and good fortune for his future.

White Flowers:  True love, purity, innocence, sympathy.  We know True Love Kiss plays a role in Sleeping Beauty and I can’t wait to see how it plays a role for book 7. In a way, Malleus is innocent in his experience with anything related to modern times, and his situation does make you feel for him. (Malleus, we love you 💕).

Red Flowers: Love, passion, pride, vigor, and strength. (rather fitting, wouldn’t you say?) 

Bouquet:

Green Roses: Renewal, rejuvenation of spirit and energy, growth, abundance, balance, stability, peace, good news and new beginnings. Possibly the future healing that Malleus will go through? (you know, after his mental breakdown...I know know, I’ll be quiet now) [To my knowledge, green roses do not mean jealously. It’s the yellow roses.] I was hoping they would give him red roses to symbolize his rose garden back home too. 

Carnation: Fascination, distinction, and love. In Greek, it is known as God’s Flower.  As some tend to worship Malleus like a God, it's rather fitting for him to have this flower. (Sebek and some diasomnia students come to mind).

Curcuma/Hidden Lilies: Love, Rebirth, Devotion, Purity, Fertility, clear and sincere intentions. When I first saw these, my mind literally went Lilies = Lilia and with several of the meanings it makes you wonder doesn’t it? Especially as Rebirth seems to be a themes in Malleus and Lilia’s bouquet. (Sleeping curse maybe?) These also look like the flowers you see in the Live Action Sleeping Beauty 2 Movie, during the wedding. You know when Maleficent walks Aurora down the Aisle. So it could also be stressing the relationship Malleus has with Silver. Technically, all three of them. Can be used to treated stomach problems and this makes me laugh because Lilia had stomach problems in that one Firelit Sky event, hence another factor in representing Lilia.

Green Lisanthus: Appreciation, charm, charisma, and confidence. (Malleus in a flower basically 💕)

Cala Lily (Burgundy): Life’s right of passage, purity, holiness, faithfulness, courage and determination. (Silver and Sebek determination to protecting their Lord.) 

Dracaena Fragans: meaning Dragon, financial and career success (he will make wonderful king), peace and good fortune.

Amaryllis: to sparkle, pride, strength, determination. These flowers blooms every year despite looking frail and it doesn’t take much to have them grow year after year. An interesting story is about a maiden who fell in love with a cold hearted man. She pierced her heart with a gold arrow and visited his cottage. After 30 days, her droplets of blood became beautiful flowers and the man fell in love with her and she was healed. Another type of Amaryllis is the cluster ones, we know it as the spider lilies. Common ones are the red spider lilies which is basically a red flag because it usually means death and last goodbye. This could symbolize the long life Malleus has ahead of him as well. White Amaryllis means beauty, devotion, and love. In addition, White Amaryllis symbolizes children and the innocence that comes from them. It reminds me of the story that Malleus told MC about how he just wanted to belong and had a tantrum that led to the castle becoming frozen in ice. Lilia was the only one who stepped forward and helped him and it implies that's how Malleus ended up loving ice cream. (My heeearrrttt) Also, the other story of how Lilia had his hair burned because baby malleus blew fire too lolol.

Houseleeks/Succulent: Always Living, enduring and timeless love, forever, does not change, Will live in harsh environments (My heart damnit, my heart).

Elderberry/Elder: inner strength, courage, calm fears, resilience, joy, protection from evil, prolong life, and peaceful sleep. “Eld” can also mean fire.

Olives: friendship and reconciliation, cleansing and healing, light, victory and richness, and above all, a sign of peace. (I’m not crying, you are!).

Hypericum Berries: symbol of peace, protection, rebirth 

Acai Palm: Nutritious, growth in wilderness.

Thistle: Pain, aggressiveness, pride, and Protection.

Cordylines: Added to flowers to add emphasize to other flowers meanings, good luck, and fortune. Often it is confused with Dracaena. 

Random Fact: Anniversaries could also be considered, since its the 3rd bdays for all the boys, their flower will be Sunflower: strength  be well, happiness, male healing, confidence, self-esteem, assertiveness. Sounds just like them, doesn’t it?

Credit: Thank you to Lala (@/mobagehellocal) for her help as always. Please go talk flowers with her too. We love talking about them. 🌺🌻

[myheartalivewrites]

(Some of) My favourite fics of 2023

2023! What a year, eh? Jesus fucking Christ.

There's no way I can start this list without making a huge caveat: unlike last year, I have NOT read all the RWRB fics that have come out in 2023, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. There's just been SO MUCH, and I have in no way kept up.

Anyway. These are my favourite things that I HAVE read. Rules (because who am I if not an extremely organised rule follower?): fic has to have been published in 2023; no more than one per author (some of you gave me real trouble here). Last year I only let myself put five fics on the list, this year I’ve been slightly more generous. Here we go:

muscle memory by @dumbpeachjuice: (E, ~30k) pining while fucking so good it makes me a little bit insane.

Going Platinum by @cricketnationrise: (E, ~20k) OMG the camboy!Alex AU I never knew I needed.

With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest) by @kiwiana-writes: (E, ~65k) Shakespearean actors goodness!

Sweetheart Grips by @orestespdf: (E, ~13k) I am a little bit in love with trans Alex.

coyote ugly series (part 1 part 2) by @smc-27: (E, ~12k) *the rules are being bent, no one look over here. I'm already screaming at myself for not choosing the tennis AU or the stripper!Henry entry* Pining that's worth its weight in gold.

Taste the Way You Bleed by @cha-melodius: (T, ~4k) *again it pains me to not go with spy bois or cheesemonger Henry* The Halloween Huh! fic that nearly ended me in the best way. So funny I could scream.

The Edge of Glory by @historicallysam (T, ~10k) fantastic post-canon exploration of: what if Alex got asked to back into politics, after they've had a kid?

a rich and complex tapestry by @everwitch-magiks (E, ~9k) Henry hosts a radio show about sex and relationships, Alex fucks his way through his bisexual crisis. Delightful.

And of course I couldn’t leave out these babies I helped birth (gross, I beta read them):

Underground by @zwiazdziarka: (T, ~4k) If you love Labyrinth (and Henry in tights, which--who doesn't!) then I've got the fic for you!

why are you googling vampires? by @daisymae-12: (E, ~14k) vampire Henry goodness starring Twilight obsessed Alex

***

As for my favourite out of my own fics, I'm gonna go for an outlier: Down by the Water, I Saw You (E, ~63k). I love all my fics, and the numbers on some of the post-August 11 fics speak for themselves, but this one has my heart. The journey from sad/angry exes to trusting each other again and getting over all the past hurts; to being able to dig into their hearts and find that love that they'd both buried but never managed to get rid of. I wrote it because it was what I wanted to read and it still kills me. Of all my fics, it's the one I miss the most.

***

Thanks to all of you who've read my stuff, everyone who’s sent a nice comment or message my way; everyone who started reading RWRB fic this year, everyone who watched the film then found the book then turned to ao3 because they needed MORE. I know the feeling. What a ride it's been.

[caecilian-king]

Ok. So, i read some more Wuthering Heights today and this one paragraph really struck me- like it got to me just as much as lines like ‘whatever our souls are made of his and mine are the same’. But I don’t think this part is probably talked about as much, because its about 2 of the supporting characters and its not a poetic romance quote.

I’m talking about this paragraph, where Nelly Dean is walking outside and is reminded of her childhood:

“all at once a gush of child's sensations flowed into my heart. Hindley and I held it a favourite spot twenty years before. I gazed long at the weather-worn block; and, stooping down, perceived a hole near the bottom still full of snail-shells and pebbles, which we were fond of storing there with more perishable things; and, as fresh as reality, it appeared that I beheld my early playmate seated on the withered turf: his dark, square head bent forward, and his little hand scooping out the earth with a piece of slate. 'Poor Hindley!' I exclaimed, involuntarily.”

The reason this got to me so much is that this is exactly the way I’d been thinking about Heathcliff. ‘Sure, heathcliff’s a jerk!’ I’d think to myself, ‘but in the earlier chapters when he was a kid he was so cute and loved cathy so much! He was so unfairly treated!! He had moments where he laughed and played!!’ Not that i excused Heathcliff’s wrongful actions, but i sympathized with him, just a bit. Deep down i want him and cathy to have a happy ending, even though they’ve hurt and will hurt so many people.

(somehow, having many of heathcliff’s future actions spoiled for me by reading through the WH tag so often has not made the book any less enjoyable to me. This book is that good.)

Hindley, however….Up until this point I had always seen him as nothing more than a monster. We see very little of his childhood. We see him cry about his toy being broken, and then later we see him being racist towards-and then physically abusing- Heathcliff. After that, he’s a young adult/adult and is just consistently even worse to Heathcliff (and everyone else at Wuthering Heights) than he was before.

Nelly, unlike the readers, saw hindley’s whole childhood. She saw the moments when he was good, when he smiled and laughed. She saw ways that he was treated unfairly (his own father liking this new adopted son better than him and not hiding that bias at all).

Does this make hindley suddenly a good person? Of course not! But it really put into perspective for me how similar heathcliff and hindley are, and how i was biased way more towards one because I had seen his good side. Heathcliff and hindley are both incredibly violent, grumpy, abusive people who crave money and power. I’m sure I’ll continue to find similarities as I read more.

My three main takeaways from this paragraph are:

1) i think that hindley not only serves as a catalyst for heathcliff becoming a bad person, but also as heathcliff’s narrative foil. (Wikipedia says: ‘A foil usually either differs dramatically or is an extreme comparison that is made to contrast a difference between two things.’ I think this is a perfect description of how heathcliff and hindley work in the narrative- hindley is perhaps how we would view heathcliff if we hadn’t seen his childhood.)

2) i think this paragraph serves to remind the reader that everyone is a human who has at one point been innocent, and that this fact doesn’t excuse bad behavior, and that you should be careful about sympathizing with heathcliff so much that you begin to excuse his actions. I also think the fact that this paragraph comes so soon before isabella’s letter to nelly is incredibly important and intentional. That letter she writes about arriving at wuthering heights really highlights how bad of a person heathcliff is.

3) i am now slightly sympathetic towards hindley, and view him as a bit more of a complicated character than i took him for previously. I am also now a bit more conscious and critical of my sympathetic reading of Heathcliff up until this point.

All this being said- heathcliff is still (for lack of a better term) one of my blorbos. I am obsessed with his stupid edgy personality and his sarcastic comments and his over the top evil plans. I am ESPECIALLY obsessed with his relationship with cathy. I know it wouldn’t actually be romantic in real life but, man. I could write a whole ‘nother post about how much i love their relationship. I want to put him in a microwave and watch him spin around. the former-AP-english-student in me is aware that he is a terrible person but the silly drama-loving side of me cant help but just find all of his terrible actions sort of equal parts funny and badass (i feel like this will stay true even as he does some of the more horrifying things i’ve heard about later). silly side of me wants him and cathy to do whatever evil things they want and ride off into the sunset laughing maniacally together.

(JEEZ i did not think i would spend an hour writing like a full essay when i started this post. this is what adhd does to you, folks.)

[daddyfroglegs]

Prove It

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4.

summary: after being a part of the spider society for months without being sent on a mission and endless amounts of pleading, miguel finally gives you the chance to show yourself.

a/n: i've been working on this for sososo long and am so super excited to finally post it!! a HUGE thank you to @opaloharas for all her help as i was writing this and giving me so much motivation to complete it <3

quick tw for heavy angst and imagery, if i missed any that you feel need to be added pls lmk!

---

"Come on!" You huff out a frustrated sigh as you struggle to keep up with Miguel as he walks down one of the many hallways in the Spider Society HQ at a speed considered too fast for everyone else, but totally reasonable for someone his size.

"I'm not sure how many more ways I can say it before I resort to violence. For the last time, the answer is no." Miguel shoots you a look over his shoulder filled with annoyance and anger, but you don't back down. You manage to pick up the pace to a jog and stop in front of him, making him pause his tirade to look down at you as he crosses his arms.

"Just give me one chance to prove myself, please." You look up at him, your gaze loaded with determination. He scoffs and pushes past you, but you grab his wrist which makes him turn around, his gaze locked on your hand.

"You haven't given me a single mission and I've been here for over a month! Why did you even recruit me if I'm just going to wait around doing nothing?" Your hope starts to dwindle when he moves his wrist from your grasp and you break eye contact, beginning to turn and walk away before he finally speaks.

"Fine. You wanna show yourself? Earth 347-B has an anomaly that needs to be dealt with. Lyla will send you the details on it, you leave tomorrow morning." Your defeated stance shifts to its usual cheerful nature as you turn back to face him with a smile.

"Really? You mean it?" You beam as he nods. "I won't let you down! Thank you, Miguel!" You turn and shoot a web to the ceiling, swinging away with an eager and radiant energy that almost makes him feel bad for what he really signed you up for.

The anomaly that has been terrorizing Earth 347-B is known amongst the higher ranked spiders as one of their strongest, most difficult anomalies yet. Unlike anything they have ever seen before, this creature is able to use their enemy's insecurities and feelings against them by taking on the form of another person, someone close to them to really drive the pain home. Even Miguel had to take a mental health day after the creature took the form of his late daughter to taunt and remind him of the worst day of his life. You didn't stand a chance against this monstrosity.

---

You hardly slept that night, rereading the details Lyla sent you over and over until you could practically recite it from memory, relishing in the feeling of finally being useful and having a purpose. When morning finally comes, you're out the door bright and early, swinging down the hallways of HQ before you reach Miguel's office.

Once you've made it, you're practically jumping up and down with excitement as Miguel debriefs what you'll be doing on your mission. Your mission. Too caught up in your elation, you almost miss his next words.

"You're sure you're up for this? I'm letting you know now, it's not going to be easy." His arms are crossed and he's got that stuck up smirk he wears when he's trying to be condescending. He's looking down on you.

Your brows furrow in slight irritation and you cross your arms in a pitiful attempt to mirror his intimidating stance. "I've got this, Miguel. I'm not weak." Your cheery tone deteriorates into something more serious, something Miguel isn't sure he's heard from you before.

He holds his hand out as if to silence you, his eyebrows raised slightly. "I never said you were weak, I asked if you could handle it. You don't have to do this, I can get someone else to-"

You cut him off, extremely pissed off at this point. "I can handle it, Miguel! I don't know why you have this idea in your head that I'm not good enough to be a part of this, but I'll prove it to you!" You end your rant by opening a portal and stepping through it, leaving Miguel stunned. Lyla appears on his shoulder, filing her nails and pushing her heart-shaped glasses up her nose. "She's gonna get herself killed, ya'know."

Miguel sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose while turning back to his desk. "Yeah, I know. And I'll be ready."

---

thank you for reading! part 2 should be out very soon!

[golden-redhead]

Incoherent, messy and out of order first spoilery thoughts on TUA season 3, let’s go!

Viktor’s transition was incorporated rather nicely in the show and it led to some really wholesome sibling moments that I will cherish forever

the actor playing Reggie is a delight and while the character is extremely unlikable, I love seeing him on screen. it really is a testament to how good the TUA casting is

I expected to dislike the whole Stan thing, but I actually found myself enjoying it? I think the humor and delivery of some of the lines was amazing and made it work even if I am not a huge fan of what became of Diego in the last 2 seasons

Lila and Five’s dynamic absolutely SLAYS! idk, they are such a pleasure to watch, all this easy banter and everything, I just find their whole chemistry very satisfying and it shows both in the show and in the interviews that the actors truly get these characters, what they’ve been through and how it affected this relationship in particular. honestly, some amazing performances from both of them

overall, I feel like the performances in general were what made this season actually good to watch. I have a lot of complaints about some of the lines, subplots and plot points in general, but I can’t deny that I simply love these characters and the way they are portrayed by the actors and even though I can’t say I’m happy with everything that happened, it was still a lot of fun to watch. again, casting of this show is absolutely unmatched!

I really wish some inconsistencies in Allison’s reasoning were fixed and I still don’t know how to feel about THAT scene with Luther... I mostly can’t believe that it not only made it into the season, but - more importantly - that it isn’t addressed later on... at all. it’s one thing to portray dysfunctional and grieving characters doing shitty and questionable things, it’s another to frame it... well, the way they did it this season. 

that said, I enjoyed Allison’s arc a lot and Emmy Raver-Lampman is an amazing actress who was horribly underutilized until now, so I’m happy to see her have more defined role this season.

there’s something really interesting about the theme of losing one’s family in a show that’s so focused on family in general. I mean, usually when you grow up you begin making your own family unit with your spouse and children, so it’s interesting to see how Allison is torn between her obligation to her siblings, the family she didn’t choose, and the family she created as an adult. I know that we are more inclined to root for her relationship with other Umbrellas because they are the focus of the show, but it does make absolute sense for her to try to bring back the family she made for herself

I liked Klaus so much more this season and his scenes, especially those with other siblings, were really great! him bonding with Five was everything I wanted and didn’t even know. and it’s nice to finally tap into his issues with his powers instead of having him escape from them

Five being the Commission founder... I said in another post that I totally saw him being tied to the Commission’s existence in a more meaningful way coming because of how his powers operate in the same way the briefcases do, but I did not see THAT coming

on one hand, Sloane and Luther are a great example of insta love and everything wrong with it. on the other, though, it gave us some fun subplots and dynamics and if there’s one character that deserved to find peace and normalcy - it was Luther. I honestly need more time to form an opinion on it. 

RIP Marcus and his potential, I guess...

Fei deserved better

Allison and Viktor’s fight in episode 7 was amazing, the tension was really palatable and dang, THIS is how you write characters fighting! the actual VENOM in Allison’s voice, just... such a great scene, I was so impressed with the acting 

the amount of sudden deaths and betrayals was absolutely INSANE, the reviewers did not lie about that, holy shit

that moment when Five steps on his star, in the middle of the circle, connecting all of them? I don’t know what is it about that scene, but holy fuck, CHILLS

I might add more later once I collect my thoughts more, for now I’m a rambling, absolutely incoherent mess of emotions.

[thiefking]

i need to draw/speak more of my narutos. "my narutos" meaning specifically the versions of every character that exist in my head, of course. i wanna draw hinata and gaara (besties of all time) especially. because other than the fact that they have the most fully realized design changes in my head, they are perhaps the defining aspect of My narutos, as opposed to everyone else's. their friendship to me is like "ok i'm going out...! (wearing some extremely Please Don't Look At Me outfit)" "not dressed like that you're not." "better? (she is now gothed the fuck out with an invader zim handbag)" "yas bitch slay." this is how they work. to me

i want to draw Literally Exactly That what i just described there as a meme but i do also kind of want to write or draw sometjing more substantial because i am The Hinata And Gaara Understander. as individual characters and as a pair of besties. amd i need to explain to others why it makes perfect sense because i just Know that i am one of extremely few to look at these two, of all characters, and deduce that the character arc hinata SHOULD have had is one that would be so obvious to gaara & something he would encourage. or maybe the only one, but the fandom is/was so big that it feels statistically unlikely... if we're talking CURRENT fandom i may actually be uniquely insane about this. i don't know for sure i haven't really interacted with the fandom i've been fucking around in my own skull this whole time that's how i even arrived at "hinagaara bffs" in the first place

but like... listen. hinata's thing is basically (in an inconsistent, half-baked, and never fully realized form): "i can change to improve myself and finally meet everyone else's standards and prove them wrong...!" as she is trying to emulate naruto. ... "prove them wrong", but she is not subverting anything if she meets an expectation that was explicitly set. hinata is not naruto. naruto's expectations were that he is worthless and nothing and not worth having any expectations for in the first place, and basically all of konoha thought this way. if naruto accomplishes basically anything at all he proves someone wrong, even if just a little. hinata had expectations set on her, specifically by her family, that she is not meeting. even though what hinata WANTS to do is prove them wrong, what she is fundamentally DOING is trying to please them by doing exactly what they want her to do. yes, when they think she won't even meet their lowest expectation and she does meet it, she is TECHNICALLY proving them wrong... but she isn't really achieving meaningful personal growth by doing this, is she? all she has done is meet their standards and essentially fall into their evil ghoul trap and accept EVEN MORE PRESSURE as a "reward" because now that she finally met this one single goal, they can move the goalpost. she will only ever be the failure who occasionally surprises them, she will always be lagging behind the others, and every single time she fails she gets sent back to square 1 in their eyes. meeting all their expectations or even surpassing them entirely is always going to feel hollow and fragile, because in the back of her mind, if she slips even once she has to do it all over again. she deserves better than constant paranoia

gaara (and pretty specifically gaara) can rightfully point out the problem with hinata's current mindset because hinata's hardships are way closer to GAARA'S than naruto's, to be honest. it's not lacking a family; it's having a family that doesn't feel like a family, and that family isolating one child and encouraging the others to treat them like shit so that one child never has anyone on their own level when they're at home and they are constantly forced to be aware they lack some ambiguous something that seemingly everyone else has that would make them "worthy" of being loved by their own family

hold on let me put yhe rest under a readmore this post is long as fuck

the hyuugas treat hinata like shit and call her weak, and because her parents gladly and openly call her weak and because she's supposed to be heiress to the clan, her sister and neji (the only family who were close enough in age and rank to not intimidate) were made to hate her, think she is weak, be jealous of and resent her for being heiress despite her weakness, and treat her like shit like the other hyuugas do, thus completely isolating her within her family. and rasa treated gaara like shit and had given up on him LONG before he snapped (let's be fucking real here if gaara had to learn that "love" makes emotional pain feel better at age SIX... and not to mention the entire yashamaru """plan""" was utterly and blatantly fucking NONSENSE on all levels like nice going rasa you just turned your kid almost irreversibly insane... seemingly on purpose...? i can only assume it was on purpose and you just wanted to be a spiteful bitch to the kid who killed your wife because literally what else did you think was going to happen with that but that's a rant for another time.), he tacitly encouraged temari and kankuro to not even bother with gaara and to be afraid of him like everyone else is because RASA was also OBVIOUSLY SCARED and not only that he was constantly literally trying to murder gaara so temari and kankuro also had reason to believe from a very young age that associating with him might make rasa treat THEM like that too, essentially forced gaara to straight up kill his uncle who was the ONLY family member he had who talks to him like he isn't a monster (and inexplicably decided that he should also tell gaara outright that he is not and was never loved by anyone), etc etc etc; gaara was also isolated within his own family and made to be the odd one out, over and over again. naruto knows what it's like not having a family at all, but he never experienced having family— non-metaphorical, blood relation, "entire reason you were born" family— who hates you. naruto knows how it feels to be neglected and feared by an entire village, that's how he relates to gaara. hinata was hated by her own family, the people she depended on for life itself, but she was never hated by the village at large, even if she perceives herself to be. naruto can empathize with this and put himself in her shoes, but like... gaara KNOWS, firsthand, what hinata is experiencing. that is why gaara is fairly uniquely capable of pointing out the problem Very Directly because he would see it way faster than anyone else

naruto could see it too, and he could say all the same things, but he wouldn't do it how gaara would. and i think hinata needs to hear someone speak to her, bluntly and authoritatively, and say "you deserve better than this." because normally whenever she hears someone (her own family) speak to her bluntly in an authoritative tone they're telling her she's weak and pathetic and subpar and needs to improve, and every time she is spoken to like that she believes them and marks that weakness off as something to fix. hearing incredibly matter-of-fact validation and encouragement spoken the exact same way primes her to believe that encouragement, and now her compulsive need to please people who speak to her that way is going to force her, even fleetingly, to take it seriously. especially because gaara would tell her something she is doing wrong, which will feel familiar, but he actually has HER best interests in mind. there is no benefit or advantage for him if she succeeds. he is unaffiliated, not even from konoha, he gains nothing from it. gaara doesn't tell her to try harder nor to give up and accept mediocrity. gaara tells her it's okay to give up and try something else, and sometimes it's the people around you who are the ones who need to change, not you.

gaara looks at "i will change myself to prove myself to others", and he says instead: "you need to stop caring what other people think about you and stop morphing yourself to their perception. just because YOU aren't doing that in a 'if you all want to call me a monster then fine, i'll be a monster' kind of way, like i did, that doesn't mean that isn't still an unhealthy way to think. you should figure out who YOU are and live as who YOU are, unapologetically, until they get the point that they can either accept you as you are and realize they were wrong, or they can fuck off. this is a situation where it is Not Your Fucking Problem that other people are disappointed with you especially because of how hard you've already been working to try and meet their arbitrary standards. this isn't about talent or hard work. this is about whether you even Want to be doing what everyone else wants you to do. and it is difficult and terrifying and lonely to be the only person who knows who you really are. it is hard work to figure it out and it is hard work to convince others, and at times it will feel hopeless. so i won't let you be the alone. i won't let you have to try and fail all alone, like i did. i will be your first victory, i will give you listening ears, i will be your silent dressing room mirror while you try on different hats before you figure out which one fits, i will be here and i will not judge you or decide on your behalf who you are, and i will be your family if no one else will. literally. if they cast you out you can come home to me. temari and kankuro have already accepted me as i am, i'm sure they'll accept you as you are too"

and then with time and gentle coaxing hinata decides to stop trying to be what her family wanted her to be and starts being a goth weirdgirl and pursues her interests in mycology and psychology and entomology and starts fucking THRIVING

i could go on forever. i should stop now or i never will. some of the parallels between them or the reasons that gaara would specifically want to support her in the specific ways i envision came about entirely from headcanon (coughs. even more headcanon than... the rest of this... coughs) and i FORGET that it's headcanon. for example "gaara created his good reputation in sunagakure through brute force good deeds. like people were so scared of him that they wouldn't let him CASUALLY prove that he was trying to be better, so he basically had to scare them even more just to prove that he was no longer scary. things like using his sand to hold people in place... so that he can physically put money into their hands and say 'this is yours and you will take it and use it to pay rent and buy your child that toy he wants. i do not want anytjing in return and i will be leaving you alone now.' because otherwise people would run away before he even gets the chance to be nice. literally just has to hold them still and pointedly do something nice for them and then let them go without hurting them while they tremble in misplaced terror like he;s a wildlife vet wrangling an injured seagull". this is part of why he would say "be unapologetically you and they can accept that and realize they were wrong about you to begin with, or they can fuck off". NONE OF THAT is explicitly canon... but there is so much & it makes perfect sense to me. aauuugaghh hinata my hinata my hinagaara besties my hinata. i could go on and on and on and on. goddammit I WILL GIVE HER THE CHARACTER ARC SHE NEEDS & DESERVES... GIVE HER TO ME KISHIMOTO.... WHAT IF THE FACT THAT HINATA HAS 3 PERSONALITY TRAITS IN CANON ACTUALLY MEANT SOMETHING AND WASN'T JUST BECAUSE YOU, MASASHI KISHIMOTO, SELF-ADMITTEDLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE WOMEN? WOULDN'T THAT BE SO MUCH LESS EMBARRASSING FOR YOU? I CAN MAKE IT REAL! I CAN MAKE IT MEANINGFUL!!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT REPRESSION!!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT WORKING HARD TO BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE, AND SAYING "SCREW YOU" TO PEOPLE WHO TRY AND DECIDE WHO YOU ARE ON YOUR BEHALF, AND THE REJECTION OF THE STATUS QUO, AND EMBRACING THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU DIFFERENT AND MAKING USE WHAT UNIQUE STRENGTHS YOU HAVE INSTEAD OF TRYING TO MATCH WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING, AND HOW HUMAN LIVES ARE INHERENTLY VALUABLE EVEN IF EVERYONE AROUND YOU SAYS YOURS IS WORTH NOTHING!!! JUST LIKE WHAT NARUTO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! I CAN EVEN SPICE IT UP A BIT AND USE MY MAGICAL WOMAN-UNDERSTANDING POWERS TO MAKE IT ABOUT HOW WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY JUST REGULAR PEOPLE WHO ARE AS VARIED AS MEN AND HOW THE SOCIETAL CONCEPTS OF WOMANHOOD AND PROPER WOMANLY BEHAVIOUR ARE RESTRICTIVE AND OPPRESSIVE, AND THE MANY WAYS THAT SOCIETY WILL FORCE TOTAL CONFORMITY AND PUNISH EVERYONE WHO STEPS OUTSIDE OF THAT FRAME (AND EVEN THOSE WHO REMAIN WITHIN)!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT COMPULSORY HETEROSEXUALITY!!!! I KNOW YOU'RE AFRAID OF GIRLS MR KISHIMOTO WILL IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER IF I ALSO MAKE IT ABOUT NEJI WATCHING HINATA COMPLETELY REJECT HER CAGE AND DISCOVER HERSELF AND HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT AND MAYBE JUST COVER YOUR EARS WHEN I START TALKING ABOUT EGGS!!!!!! MR KISHIMOTOOOOOO PLEEEEEEEASE

[qballqueue]

I haven't watched anime (or any show, really) for a while, but fuck man, Undead Girl Murder Farce really got me hooked, and I think it's mostly down to its two lead characters.

Like, yeah, the premise of the show itself is good. It's fucking excellent; a pair of Japanese yokai travel to Europe to solve Monster Crime™ is an instant grab for fans of horror, paranormal, and mystery (of which I am all three), but from episode to episode I keep finding myself drawn specifically to the main duo and their antics.

First you have Tsugaru, a man who, thanks to being half-oni, will have his life cut prematurely. But rather than him being mopey, he's decided to just have a good time while it lasts. If the candle is burning twice as fast anyways, he's going to make sure it burns twice as bright no matter the circumstance.

And on the other hand you have Aya. Unlike Tsugaru, she's immortal, but has decided--now that she's a severed head--that life isn't worth living without a body. It's a cold and logical decision that she only changes her mind about once Tsugaru convinces her that there's a chance to get her body back.

And despite their very, very different circumstances and methods of thought, what makes them the most entertaining to me is how similar they are.

Both of their perspectives give them a sort of detachment to the world, because for both of them (for different reasons) anything that happens, no matter how shocking or tragic, is only temporary. Which leaves them free to react to almost any situation however they want. This is best demonstrated through their shared interest in gallows humour.

That last one in particular is of note, because that bit they're doing happens in the middle of them questioning a man about his dead wife.

And it's not just that they make jokes in dire circumstances; they laugh at each other's jokes too, showing appreciation for the other's sense of humour.

We're only seven episodes in at the time of writing, but it also seems so far like they're both good examples of static character arcs. In other words, they're characters that don't necessarily develop a lot over the course of the story, but do develop the world around them through their actions. Another good example of a character like that is Sherlock Holmes, which is a hell of a coincidence because he's also a character in this show. But it makes sense for Tsugaru and Aya because of their detachment. They can't really be shaped by the world if they're rarely affected by anything in it.

The issue that typically arises from characters like that (at least I find) is that, without becoming interesting over the course of the story, static characters need to start their stories by being interesting, which Tsugaru and Aya both do extremely effectively. We haven't gotten a ton of their backstories yet, but it's pretty clear from everything they do and everything they say what kind of people they are and how they think, and that is fantastic character writing.

TL;DR: watch Undead Girl Murder Farce (or Undead Murder Farce? The anime seems to have dropped 'girl' from the title) because it's really fucking good.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

Nisha, did you know I would step on some legos barefooted for you? Anyways can’t wait to read for another fandom I have never stepped foot in and would probably never engage with the canon in just because you decided that’s what to make, and I’ve decided to read it anyways. Home cooked meal. -Rotten Anon

The opening line of this message made literal cartoon anime hearts appear above my head, just so you know <3

Also you have inspired me to post a rundown of my WIPs because I am really excited about what I have been working on. And for two of these fandoms, I know you have said you know nothing about the canon, but for the third, I am not sure, so we'll see.

My Current WIPs April/May 2024

Heaven's Gate (for The Walking Dead) - Daryl Dixon x GN!Reader. Strangers to Lovers/Soulmates/Lovers Reunited. Angst, Fluff, Hurt and Comfort. Set during Season 1 to Season 5. 17k in counting (will be a oneshot). You can find a preview here. In this fic, you and Daryl get separated when the Governor attacks the prison, and though you both believe the other person is dead (or long gone) you find each other at the most unlikely time, in the most unlikely place.

I am super excited about this fic, and the themes of hope that I have woven into it. Because yes, I unironically love writing about hope and how the human spirit can persevere - which is something that my favourite moments in The Walking Dead show. This is first draft complete and just needs to be edited.

The Jaws of Life (for DC Titans) - Jason Todd x GN!Reader. Sequel to Emergency Contact. Lovers Reunited. Extreme Angst, Smut, Hurt and (some) Comfort. Set during Season 3. 21k in counting (will probably be a oneshot - if it needs to be split up, it will be put in two parts, but I hope I can get away with a oneshot). (I highly recommend that everyone go read the original in the meantime, because it is one of my best fics ever.) In this fic, you and Jason struggle with the new meaning of your relationship after what happened with Deathstroke - only for this tentative change to be harshly disrupted by the Joker. And you're still heavily mourning when a red hooded stranger breaks into your apartment one night, seeking medical care because apparently - you owe him one.

Everyone give Jaycen @nctzenkane a big fucking round of applause for this one, because he was randomly talking to me about Jason Todd today (we were having the 'some characters are only fuckable in costume' discussion) - and I got talking about how this version of Jason from Titans makes me so passionate to write about the character. And it is solely because of him that I opened up this fic and took a good look at it - I have been thinking about this fic for months, wanting to finish it because I know I am gonna be proud of it, but I kept hesitating because I thought I had a way bigger mountain to conquer with it. But the conversation I had with Jaycen really inspired me and I wrote 5k on the fic just today, and I realized that with this momentum, I could have the first draft done by the end of this month. So I am promising myself that this is gonna be done soon.

Speaking of which - when The Jaws of Life is first draft done, I wanna host a poll so you guys can decide which of those two ^^ fics goes through the editing process to be posted first. Both will be posted (hopefully) by the end of May, but I do wanna know which one you guys wanna see posted first. Which leads me to:

Nasty (for Stranger Things) - Sub!Eddie Munson x Dom!Fem!Reader. Established Relationship. Smut/PWP. 3k (this is gonna be a shorter fic lmao). In this fic, you and Eddie have been dating for a while, but you don't like that all of his attempts to have sex with you have him taking on a (seemingly fake) dom persona. When you finally tell him that you prefer to be more dominant in bed, he isn't disgusted like you thought he might be - he loves it.

This is one I have been sitting on for a while, and right before it was ready to be posted - my brain lost interest in it like tiktok does micro trends. But I think this is gonna be really great to post while the poll for those other fics is cooking because it's short and sweet and for the past few days, whenever I have seen the cover for this in my drafts, I have gotten excited about it again. So I am excited to finish it and show it off to everyone!!