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davosmymaster · 2 years

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Fallen from Heaven, Grown on Earth -Part 3-

Part 1, Part 2.

TAGS AND WARNINGS - +18, Minors DNI, very obvious hints to Marc’s alcoholism, alcohol consumption, underage drinking, Marc’s parents, panic attacks (mentioned), weapons (mentioned), near-death experiences, dialogue heavy, smut, very graphic descriptions of sex, nsfw, blood, injuries.

PAIRINGS - Steven Grant x fem!reader ; Marc Spector x fem!reader

WORD COUNT - 22k

A/N - I decided to divide it again (please don’t kill me) part 4 will be out this week. Probably in the next 3 days or so, maybe even sooner. Epilogue too.

FALLEN FROM HEAVEN, GROWN ON EARTH - PART THREE

June 2006

Marc's very much awake when he receives the call.

He is sitting in his desk chair. He is all nerves and stiff muscles as he fills out the application papers for military service. It's late. Almost four in the morning. He woke up from an anxiety-driven nightmare two hours ago, chances are it has something to do with the maths final he failed and the fact that he's so stressed out that he can barely hear anything beyond his own thoughts these days. He needs a good night's sleep, maybe drink something apart from energy drinks and coffee; but his worries continue to keep him awake at night and drinking the equivalent of a half-kilo bag of sugar is the only thing that keeps him lucid. So his body will have to suck it up.

Not like he cares if he has a heart attack, anyways.

He decided to do something to distract himself. Be productive, in a way, anything to avoid lying in bed wide-eyed until seven in the morning. That's why he took the papers and started filling them up. He had no trouble with the first few pages, with his basic information and the section about his overall physical health. It almost surprises him how easy it is. He was born in Illinois, in 1987. He has double citizenship. No surgeries. No allergies. His eyesight is perfect.

And then they ask him if he has any mental illnesses.

It's like his mind reboots when he reads that, because he wasn't actually expecting it, although he should have. Marc could write a whole essay about how his DID was more of a blessing than a curse, even though he had just recently started to think that way. Steven allowed him a moment of peace when he was unable to function. Sometimes he felt as if his conscience was simply turned off, which was exactly what he needed in those cases. Other times, he was not as far in the headspace and he could actually see and hear through Steven, and even feel his emotions sometimes. Having Steven Grant in his head was a relief. Even for his parents. His mother treated Steven with more attention and affection than she had ever given Marc, even if it was not much. His father was more attentive to him, gentler. More than once Marc had found money in his pockets that his father had given Steven, right after he told Marc he would not give him a single cent.

He felt like a parasite in that house. He was unwanted. He almost would have preferred to live knowing that he was an accident, a broken condom, rather than knowing that he was a wanted child until he wasn't. When Randall was born, Marc had that typical jealousy older siblings have (not like he remembered that, but his mother had reminded him over and over again), and he thought that Randall was their favourite child.

Well, if Randall wasn't their favourite back then, once he died, he sure as hell was.

So he checked the 'no' box next to the question, despite having read the warning at the beginning about lying in the form being a reason to be expelled. He needed out, and the military was one of his last options after the rest didn't work. He knew he would have to pass a psychological test; but he wasn't too concerned about that. If he was able to lie to all the therapists he had ever had, then he sure as hell could lie to some psychiatrist too bored to do their job properly.

He looked at the page, getting lost in the black ink and the white background. He didn't even wonder if he would regret his decision; he knew from the beginning that he would. Not because of the lies, that didn't matter to him, but because of the future he was giving up on.

The university application was abandoned on the board, right next to the papers he was filling up instead. Marc had driven all the way to London Metropolitan University to get them for both of you. He didn't know what degree to choose, but as ironic as it might sound, the idea of teaching young children didn't entirely leave him cold. He thought he might even like it. His other options were philosophy, sociology and archaeology. The last one was more of a Steven thing than his, but given the choice, he preferred studying something Steven liked rather than a degree neither of them were interested in. Besides, if Steven liked the ancient world so much, maybe he would too.

He looked at both piles of papers, painfully aware of the two futures he could unfold. But as much as he wanted the second one, he couldn't afford it. Maybe when he came back from the service. Maybe in another life, if he was killed in action. Who knows.

His ringing phone brought him out of his stupor. It was violent, the way he jumped on the chair and his nerves spiked through the roof. The house had been completely silent until it rang, and he hurried to answer the call before his parents woke up, part of him wondering if something was horribly wrong. It wasn't as if people got plenty of good news at four in the morning. Plus, the only person who had his phone number apart from his parents was you.

A ragged breath was all he could hear on the other end of the line, music playing in the distance and people arguing in the background. He heard a faint sob for a split second, but it was so low that he wondered if he had imagined it.

"Marc?" you asked. "I'm... so sorry," he heard how you slurred the words. "I didn't know who else to call. I didn't know what to do. I'm so-" your voice broke. "...s-sorry I woke you up."

He heard you crying, his heart breaking in his chest and getting nailed like splinters in his lungs. He was standing up a second later.

"Hey, hey," he said, trying to sound calm, although he was the furthest from calm. "Hey, listen to me, okay? Take a breath, calm down, okay? Do it," he waited, listening to the way you breathed in a shaky mouthful of air. "Now tell me what’s wrong."

"I know it's selfish of me to ask..." you started, and he rolled his eyes. "... but I need a lift. I don't have any money on me, and my friends all left."

He cursed under his breath, but before you finished the sentence he was already grabbing his favourite jacket and shoes. He usually slept with an old t-shirt and he didn't mind being seen in his pajama pants either. He took the military application and hid it under the mattress.

"Where are you?"

As he heard you speak, he grabbed the keys to his father's car in the hall. It was in moments like these that he missed Chicago, because he'd have gotten his license way earlier than he did in the UK, which was barely a few months ago, and he'd probably have his own car by now too.

He didn't put his shoes on until he closed the front door behind him. He didn’t want to wake his parents up.

"Don't hang up," he said, holding the flip phone between his cheek and shoulder as he opened the car door. "I'm coming to get you."

There's a fight outside the club when he arrives. He can feel his heartbeat hammering behind his ears, in his wrists when his hands grip the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turn white, in his forehead when the vein there swells. He doesn't even park the car, but simply switches off the engine in front of the main door of the pub. He's sure he has more adrenaline in his veins than blood, and gets out of the car ready to punch his way in and out if he has to.

Then he sees you. In his peripheral vision, you are just a shadow coming out of an alley. In other circumstances, he would gawk at you in that tight black dress, but not now, not when you're shivering and a light drizzle is beginning to fall.

He closes the space between you in a couple of strides, his legs responding before him. His fingers dig into your shoulders as he searches for your gaze, your eyes locked on the dirty pavement beneath your heels. Your arms hugging yourself.

"Are you hurt?" he asks, anxiety pouring from his mouth. And you shake your head, finally looking at him with teary eyes and an unfocused gaze.

"I'm sorry," you whisper.

He wants to shake your shoulders, to let you know that you're not a burden, that he doesn't mind being there, that it's the least he can do as your friend for swallowing up every single one of his problems. He has always wanted to tell you how much you mean to him, but he can never find the right words.

He insists.

"I didn't ask that. I asked if you're hurt. Did someone touch you?"

"No."

He sighs, relief washing over him.

"How drunk are you?" he says, but he watches as the corners of your lips turn downwards and a black tear stained with mascara falls from one of your eyes. Your gaze is so unfocused, restless, that he wonders if you're even looking at him or behind him. "Hell, you’re wasted."

He’s affirming, not asking. You nod.

He sees a shadow out of the corner of his eye. Marc turns around, practically pushing you behind him. His nerves are on edge because he’s not a fan of the atmosphere the place holds, even if he can no longer hear the screams or the fighting. But when he turns around, there is no threat behind him, just a bouncer with an ID hanging from his neck.

"I need you to move the car, kid," he says. Then, he squints, looking directly at you. His gaze shifts from your face to where Marc's hand is squeezing your wrists behind him. Marc assures him that you are both leaving, but the man is not paying attention. "Do you know this guy?"

Despite the fact that he is the one on the line here, Marc cannot help but feel glad that there's people out there who still care for others.

"He's my boyfriend. He came to pick me up," you say, Marc eyes widen for a split second before he remembers he has to follow your lead, or the man will probably not let you go. Neither of you can risk to have him ask for your ID. After all, you're still seventeen, and as much as your parents have always treated him well, he's not sure what they'd do if they see you in the state you're in.

Luckily, the man lets you go.

"Get in the car, come on," Marc whispers, holding the door open for you as you get in.

He even goes the extra mile, in case the man isn't quite convinced and decides to look back. Marc's upper body looms over you as he gets inside as well, reaching for your seatbelt and securing it around your hips. He's secretly wishing his fingertips brush the fabric of your dress. What he does, instead, is touch your cold thigh with his hand, just over your knee. He hopes you see it as a comforting gesture, but the truth is he just wants to feel you close.

Marc barely registers when your fingers brush the hair out of his face. It's 2006 and he keeps it long, a few inches above his shoulders, but he knows he will have to cut it all off once he gets accepted into the military. You kiss his cheek.

"Thank you."

He feels his heart flutter.

"A-anytime," he mumbles.

Then, he leaves a kiss on your forehead. He's pushing it, a little too much, but when he looks back and the man is looking at the scene, he feels glad he let himself act on his impulses, for once.

Marc's driving. He's been doing it for a couple of minutes now. Although you're not sure how long you've been in that car. It's like there's a dirty window in front of your eyes. You can see, but you're not sure you're really watching or focusing on anything. You close your eyes when the car bounces into a sinkhole, your head lulling to the side when it weighs too much for your neck to hold. You almost moan when your temple hits the cold window.

"Shit," you hear Marc say. His fingers are brushing your leg immediately after. "You didn't faint, did you?"

"No, Marc," you reply, mouth dry and eyes still closed. Your sweaty forehead resting on the window. "I'm just resting my eyes..." you purse your lips, you keep slurring the words. "Where are we going?"

"I was driving to your house," he says. "Not anymore, though. I can't take you home like this."

You're happy with his response because you didn't feel like being alone in your room either. If his parents weren't as strict as they were, you'd even work up the courage to ask him to crash at his house. You told your parents you'd spend the night at your friend Sarah's, but she left the club ages ago, and if they see you at home in the morning they will ask you. You don't know what you're going to say, but you do know they are not going to trust Sarah anymore.

You'd say they will love Marc instead for what he is doing, but that they already do.

"Then, what?"

"This is the plan. We're gonna stop at some store, buy you food," he says. You grimace. "Don't look at me like that, you're gonna eat something because you'll be dying in the morning if you don't. You're gonna drink a bunch of water too. Then I take you home. How does that sound?"

"I guess that's okay."

You don't sound convinced, but he doesn't care.

"Great," he says, still gripping the steering wheel as if he wanted to choke someone. Then, he whispers. "I wasn't asking for permission anyway."

Marc keeps his promise. He parks the car but doesn't wait for you to follow him, so you guess it's okay if you stay there. You don't feel like moving from your seat either, and your feet hurt like hell because of the high heels you were wearing. Marc buys you your favourite snacks and a huge bottle of water. He buys a beer for himself and shares a bag of sour patch, his favourite candy.

While you're eating, he asks how you even got in the club. It's not the first time you drink, he took care of that at eighteen, when he gave you a taste of his beer in the shed in your parent's backyard; but it is your first time in a club. Which makes sense, having in mind you're only seventeen.

You tell him about Sarah. He knows her because he joins your group of friends sometimes. Marc said from the beginning that he didn't like her, but you didn't listen. Her boyfriend is a couple of years older than her, and the two of them wanted to go clubbing with other friends. You were the only one who wasn't legal yet, and being surrounded by people who were older gave you an advantage when it came to not being caught red-handed when you entered the club. It worked, but honestly, you now wish it hadn't.

"Did you already fill out the application papers?"

For a second, he thinks you refer to the military application; but then his muscles relax as he remembers that there's no way you knew about that.

He takes another sip of his beer.

"I'm on it," he responds. "but I got stuck on the choose your degree section."

You respond with words of encouragement that he doesn't hear. He usually doesn't have trouble lying to most people: his parents, teachers, anyone... But it does hurt him to lie to you when he hides the fact that he’s not going to attend university. The words get stuck in his throat before he says them, and he's thankful that you never notice.

Marc forces you to drink half of the water. He also witnesses how your eyes start to focus, how the fog slowly disappears from them and your tears dry. He knows you were only crying because of how drunk you were, he's seen you cry for the silliest things while drunk -and sober-, but he had never seen you this drunk.

Having in mind you almost exclusively drink when he’s present, so he’s been a witness of every time you’ve gotten hammered, to say that he has never seen you this drunk is to say something. For a moment, when he had just picked you up, he thought you'd throw up all over his dad's car.

Marc's distracted while you finish eating. And yet, somehow, he keeps giving you some sour patch when he gets one himself. You take a sip of water, making sure there's nothing in your mouth or teeth. It takes both you and him as a surprise, when the alcohol makes all the ignored feelings impossible to avoid and you call his name. He answers, barely whispering but completely focused on you from one second to the next, and before you can process it, your lips are pressed against his.

Marc has his eyes closed, but doesn't reciprocate.

There's a moment, a single second of pure bliss when it’s over. Marc ravishes in the feeling before absolute dread sets in. The feeling, the good one, is nowhere to be found. It abandoned his body as soon as it arrived. Marc sighs through his quick heartbeat and the trembling of his hands, suddenly aware of what he's always known: he's not made to be loved, he doesn't even think he has that ability.

If there's anything he fears more than losing control, that's loneliness. Marc already suspected that you liked him, but never had the guts to say anything about it. There's a reason why dread is stronger than pleasure, why the bliss vanished so quickly. He knows love and hate are very closely related, he often experiences the former before it eventually fades into the latter. It's happened with almost every person he has ever formed a meaningful relationship with. And that's something he can't risk with you. He just can't.

It's not that he doesn't love you, he does. That he has always known. Just maybe not in the way you need him to. Maybe it is in that way and he's only lying to himself because he can't cope with the idea of his selfish ass yearning for such a kind and loving soul. He could not forgive himself if he corrupted that with his messy ways.

But he can't let himself drown in those fantasies, either. Having his brother's blood on his own hands, there's no way in hell there's a happy ending waiting for him, and the last thing he wants is making you suffer.

"Well..." your voice is the only thing to bring him back from his own personal hell. "There goes my first kiss."

There's a kind of sadness in your voice, the kind that leaves you wounded for life. It's no secret for him that you've always been a hopeless romantic. You love rom-coms, st. valentine's, flowers and chocolate. You were watching Love, Actually when you told him how you wished your first kiss to be. It had nothing to do with his dad's old car, the smell of alcohol in your breath, or Marc's resting bitch face as his brain processes what just happened.

Oh, guilt. His old friend.

"Not like that could be considered a kiss, anyway."

He watched as your eyes filled with unspilled tears. He told himself he was an asshole, but he hadn't even meant it to sound so harsh. It was a fact that he didn't consider a peck on the lips to be a serious thing.

Marc leans forwards, his knee digging on the fabric as he maneuvers his own body so he is kneeling over the seat, his eyes never leaving yours. And then, the sensation of falling into a void, not a single hand for him to hold, nothing he could reach as he fell. Fear, again, stronger than ever. He lunges forward without thinking, knowing that if he hesitates he would never do what he is about to do. And he kisses you.

It’s just a gentle brush at the beginning, little more than a peck. Then his hand landed on your neck, urging you closer. He parted his lips slightly and you followed. It was a dance that he expertly led. His tongue licked yours, gently, slowly, savouring the bittersweet taste of candy. He almost moaned, almost.

It felt like the kiss lasted years, in the best of senses. He'd later wonder how he would ever get over it. Forget it, move on. Truth be told, he wouldn't.

Before separating, his teeth caught your lower lip, pulling gently and sucking on it. A current of pride settled in his chest as he heard you moan. Your nails digging into his arms.

Just like that, it was over.

It took all of his willpower not to kiss you again as he watched you, lips parted and eyes closed as you breathed in shaky breaths. When you finally looked at him, your eyelids slowly opening as if they weighted a ton, your pupils had almost entirely swallowed your irises. If you were someone else, someone he didn't care for as much, he'd have laughed and said some cocky remark. But this was you, and his own heart was beating so fast that when he finally spoke, he had to put a lot of effort into not looking out of breath.

"Now, that's a kiss."

Marc sits properly in the driver's seat again. He starts the engine, his fingers still trembling on the gear lever as he reversed out of the car park. He needs to do something, keep his mind occupied, eyes on the road. Anything so he doesn't look at you and falls into the trap of your lips.

"Seatbelt," he orders.

"Okay."

The seatbelt is merely a distraction. All so he could make sure you were not looking when he pulled at the fabric of his pajama pants. He checks the bulge there isn't visible. It's embarrassing, really. He's half hard in his boxers with just a kiss.

He can't wait for his hormonal teenager years to be over.

"We never talk about this again, okay?"

He's been such a prick, but can't afford to give you any hopes.

"Okay."

He hates himself.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, that's okay," you respond, there's a smile on your face when you look at him. No trace of resentment or hate. "Thank you for being my first, Marc."

He hates himself even more, if that is even possible.

Marc Spector doesn't like breaking his own rules, but when he sets foot in your house after promising himself that he wouldn’t, that's the second time he does in less than an hour, counting the kiss. If he could be completely honest —and that's absolutely a him problem— he would say it out loud. He would praise you for being capable of achieving such a thing.

You ask him to keep you company. His chest still feels sore for your okays and your thank yous, so he says yes despite the threat of your sleeping parents on the first floor.

Before he knows it, he's in your room. He's been there a thousand times before and yet he still surprises himself by looking at everything as if it was his first. He looks at your posters, your notes splashed all over your desk, your pictures nailed to the wall. He takes a moment to admire the photos. Marc sees Sarah's face in some of them and all he wants is to rip them off and tear them to pieces. There's also a picture of him from last year. Marc's holding a guitar despite not knowing how to play a single chord. In his defence, he was just playing around with it.

Marc appears in most pictures. While some of your friends appear and disappear throughout the years, he sees himself in almost every single photo. Some of them are just pictures of him alone. He cannot help but wonder how he didn't see it sooner. It's so painfully clear how much you love him. He doesn't feel deserving of it. In fact, he has never felt deserving of any of your attentions. To this day he still wonders why you chose him as your friend.

"I'm gonna get changed," you announce, and before you can say anything he's already facing the wall.

Once you're done, he encourages you to wash your make-up off while he gets everything ready. Marc is so used to being in your house that he doesn't ask anything as he dives into your wardrobe and gets a thick blanket. The fabric will be an improvised mattress for him, given the fact that he's not supposed to be there and cannot get the couch instead. There's also a cushion. He does not get another blanket because if he does, he'll fall asleep, no doubt. His father leaves for work at seven o'clock. The car needs to be there by then and, if he can get home sooner than that and avoid questions and arguments, that'd be lovely too.

"Marc?" you ask as you come back from the bathroom. "What are you doing?"

He's sitting on your bed, but you're looking at the blanket on the floor.

"I don't plan on staying," he says. "I'm just gonna rest my eyes a little bit until you fall asleep."

He made sure to get the blanket as close to your bed as possible. He wants to make sure you're fast asleep before he leaves.

"You're not sleeping on the floor."

He blinks. He's trying really hard not to think about the alternative. He cannot believe you'd ask him to sleep with you, that's not even a possibility in his mind. He wonders if you're still drunk enough to make such a proposition.

He'd love to argue, but this is your house and if you don't want him messing around with your things, he won't. He's not used to sleeping on other people's houses. Hell, he's not used to be in other people's houses. And he's always been extremely respectful when it comes to your living space, your parents and their rules (or lack of them, if Marc compares your rules with his rules). That's why he says nothing as he puts the cushion back in the wardrobe.

"No resting my eyes then," he says, his lips pursed trying to hide his discontentment. At least, it's Sunday. He will get some sleep when he gets home. He kneels, about to start folding the blanket again.

"Marc, you can get on the bed with me."

He chuckles.

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Why?" you ask him. Your face is full of amusement as he watches you wide-eyed. "Can't two people get into the same bed without having sex? You're my best friend, I thought we were past that."

There's a stupid grin on his face when you finish the sentence. Your best friend. It sounds good, even better when referring to him. He always knew you were his best friend, but he was never sure about that feeling being reciprocated. He would lie if he said he didn't feel self-conscious when you talked and hung out with other people, but he never acts on his feelings because he knows it's a fucked up thing to say, think and do. Marc always knew you were his friend, but the way in which you said best friend leaves him feeling butterflies all over his body.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

He refers to the proposition of sharing the bed. He doesn't have the strength to keep pushing you away tonight.

"Why? Are you planning on touching me, Spector?"

He's trying really hard not to fall for those bedroom eyes of yours.

"Nineteen," he says, pointing out at himself. Then, he points at you. "Seventeen. Don't wanna go to jail yet."

There's only one thing on his mind as he says that. The age of consent in the UK is sixteen yers old. But he will not do it. Not only because he doesn't want to, he just can't. He was trembling just from you pecking his lips. He'd probably faint if you kissed him again now. Not like he'd ever admit that.

"Just give it a few more months," you respond.

"Think I'm gonna stay on the floor," he finally says, kneeling on the blanket and turning his back to you when he lies down. "Good night."

"Marc..." you chuckle. "I was kidding. Get on the bed, come on."

He knows you were. At least, that's what he chooses to think. He wasn't kidding, though.

"No."

"Okay, then."

There's a brief moment of peace in which he thinks you will listen to him and just go to bed, but he should know you better than that by now. Next thing he knows, you're cuddling up with him, hugging him from behind as he becomes the little spoon. All his muscles become impossibly stiff as he feels your warm touch on his naked arms.

He feels powerless. His heart is aggressively hammering in his chest, and his worst fear right now apart from losing control is that you might hear how his body reacts to yours.

"Get on the damn bed,” he groans, shifting his arms gently, away from your touch.

"No."

He snorts.

"Okay, okay, fuck," he finally gives in. "I don't see the fucking point of sleeping on the floor if no one's taking the bed."

He tries to ignore your giggles as both of you get on the bed and under the covers. You're now facing the ceiling, while he keeps looking at your face. His hand grips your shoulder as he encourages you to face him. Your body moves slowly, turning until you finally catch his attentive gaze on your features.

"Never sleep on your back when you've been drinking," he says, although he's probably exaggerating a little bit, but one is never sure. He doesn't want anything bad happening to you. "you could choke if you throw up during the night."

You whisper back. "Okay."

Marc crosses his arms, trying not to fall asleep as he watches you, but also because he feels that’s the only way he can keep his hands to himself. Your body's warm against his, despite the minimal contact both of you share. Your pillow smells of you. He could get drunk on it. Marc's only wish is that you fall asleep soon, before either his willpower or his desire to sleep falters and he ends up doing something that he might regret.

"Sleep now," he whispers, then yawns. You do too. "Come on..."

It's not difficult to fall asleep while looking into Marc's chocolate eyes, the warmth of him right next to you. You smile, unaware of how terrible the next months will be, once the two of you get to Brighton and he confesses his plans for the future, once he leaves and never comes back.

When you wake up, he has already left.

That night you dream of bittersweet kisses and cars taking you home.

Marc had no idea why all of those memories were torturing him now.

Steven almost fucked everything up, almost got the two of them killed tonight, but Marc was smarter than blaming it all on Steven. In fact, he wasn't blaming Steven at all. He should've followed your advice and talked to him before something like a jackal attacking them happened. But he never listens, does he? No, he has to hit rock bottom at least twice, before he even considers it.

It was a close call. But if he's absolutely honest, Marc never thought his fronting problem would go as far as not being able to front even in life or death situations. Marc didn't think about God much these days —except the one god of the moon that permanently called him ungrateful in his mind, that is— but he did thank his God, the one he's always believed in, that Steven had been lucid enough through the panic attack to let him front.

Of course, he had to get alcohol after that.

He went directly for the beer. He's been drinking too much whiskey lately, and even if he didn't care what happened to him, he hated having to witness Steven taking care of a body Marc was slowly but surely getting rid of. That's how he ended up looking at the beer cans on the fridge, in a store just in front of the museum. But once he had in his hands the cheapest brand of beer he could find, he remembered that it was the same beer he had you try when he turned eighteen. You hated that specific brand of beer, hated it with a passion.

Marc remembered then you were in Steven's flat, waiting for your beloved ex-boyfriend to come back home. One thing led to another and now it seemed that Marc was reliving each and every single one of his core memories with you.

All because of a fucking can of beer.

"Are you gonna get the beer or not, mate?" a man appeared next to him, complaining because he was taking too long choosing if he wanted it or not. Marc sent him a deadly look, one that forced the man to take a step back and get lost in the crisps aisle.

If he was going home to you, then he might as well get something stronger than beer. He was going to need it, after all the memories he had remembered and his own heart breaking for the millionth time when he compared the happy memories —even the not-so-happy ones, the ones in which he was a complete asshole— to the situation you both found yourselves in.

The one friend, the one person he had always loved, the only one who was always there and the only one who he couldn't risk losing... you. Well, he had already lost her. It took you a while, but you eventually ended up hating him like everyone else did, just like his parents, just like all the friends he had ever had, just like Layla, just like Steven.

Yeah, he definitely needed more than a few cans of beer.

He left the can where he found it and grabbed a bottle of whiskey from a nearby aisle, telling himself that once Harrow got taken care of, he would stop drinking so much. It wasn't until he reached the counter and saw a bag of sour patch, that he decided he was getting one of those too. Marc started drinking before he even set foot outside the store.

You were half asleep when you heard the metallic click of the door lock. It wasn't until Marc got in that you got startled, jumping slightly on your end of the couch —the furthest from where he was standing— and rubbing your eyes to get rid of the remnants of sleep. You weren't one to get sleepy easily in difficult situations, but you hadn't had a proper night's sleep since the night before you broke up with Steven.

"Didn't mean to scare you," he said, almost a whisper.

"Marc?"

He was wearing Steven's clothes, but that was the only thing that could lead to confusion. The rest, it was all so indistinctively Marc. His demeanour, the squared shoulders held high, the dark curls brushed back because of his hair-pulling mania, the wrinkle between his eyebrows that Steven never had, that constantly annoyed expression on his face, even the way he walked. The accent, despite being the most obvious difference between the two men, was also the most irrelevant.

"Yeah," he said. He walked in, carrying a plastic bag and little more than a three-quarter full bottle of whiskey. "Not who you were expecting, I know. I'm not gonna bother you much. I'll just eat something and put Steven to sleep."

The way in which he talked, pure misery pouring from his lips, made you nauseous. You had heard that tone a few times before, but never strictly linked to you as a person. All you wanted to do was grab him by the shoulders and ask him how was it possible that, after so many years of friendship, a friendship that had survived the distance and the traumas and the heartbreak, how could it possibly end like this. How could he talk to you as if you were a stranger, how the two of you could be at square one once again, not knowing how to talk to each other or what to say. At the end of the day, it had been walking on eggshells that was killing the both of you.

You didn't know what to say, so you followed him to the kitchen.

"I ordered Indian take-out," you told him as he opened the fridge looking for something to eat. "I was expecting Steven so it's vegan food, but you can have it if you want."

He took the container out, inspecting it, and held it in front of you as he locked his eyes on yours.

"Is it poisoned?"

You chuckled, shaking your head slightly.

"No, I forgot to poison it, but you should totally remind me next time."

He smiled too, a little smile that barely reached his eyes. He got the food into a plate and tried it before deciding that it was, in fact, too cold to be edible. Then, he pointed at the bottle of whiskey on the kitchen table.

"Do I pour you some?"

"Sure," you answered, taking a seat. He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and served you some whiskey just before he grabbed his plate, and you took a sip and said. "Maybe I should do that, having in mind your history of burning the popcorn."

"It was actually you who almost burned the house down every damn time."

And as he said that, he was putting his plate of food, fork included, in the microwave.

"Marc!" you shouted, rushing to his side and almost smacking his hand when he tried to turn it on. You opened the microwave, got the fork out. "You can't put metal in the microwave, you idiot," you said, chuckling just a second later. "So I was the one to almost burn my house down, right?"

Marc crossed his arms over his broad chest, leaned back against the counter.

"You got me distracted."

"Yeah, it's always my fault somehow, isn't it?"

The flat fell into a strangely comfortable silence. Marc didn't respond as he kept giving large gulps of the bottle of whiskey, until you finally reached for a glass and served him some. Not because you were disgusted at the sight of him drinking straight from the bottle, but rather because, seeing the state he was in, you wanted to at least keep track of how much he was drinking, which already seemed to be a lot.

"I already bought another coffee table for Steven," he responded so casually while he ate, now sitting on the kitchen table, right in front of you. "He was the one to clean the couch, though."

"I'm so sorry about that," you responded, a blush quickly settling on your face. "I'm sorry about all of it, actually."

Marc swallowed and cleaned his mouth with a napkin before responding.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"That's not true, Marc," you said.

It had always angered you the way he always let you get away with anything and everything, the way he never stood up for himself when it came to you and things that were really important. Some stranger on the street telling him to fuck off? Hell, he was already snapping back before the other man even finished. But when it came to friends that betrayed him or you accidentally saying something that really hurt him. Well, he always went silent. Marc Spector was a walking contradiction. He was too much of a fuckboy with any girl that showed interest in him, but with the one he truly loved… Oh, that's a different story.

You wanted to say that you were sorry for all you said. You wanted him to clarify what had happened the day Layla's dad died, because you hadn't given him the chance to explain himself. He got shot, you had just experienced how frightening it was to have a gun pointing at you, and you could not even begin to imagine how hard it had all been for him. Maybe some part of you wanted to defend him, give him the chance to say why he did it, or even tell you he didn't do it. You just wanted to have an excuse, to find out Marc was still the same good man you had once admired.

He talked first.

"I-..." he started. His hand flew to his face, he brushed the skin over his mouth with his palm, an almost nervous tick that he used to give himself the courage to say something. "I am sorry," he said. "I don't even have the words to express how much I regret putting you in the middle of everything. I know why you're here. I know about Harrow. And I'm sorry for what happened. With me, with Steven," he said. He took another mouthful of alcohol as if he needed it to breathe. He was actually choking with his own words. "I'm really sorry for what happened the other night. I'm not sorry about what I said, though. I'm not sorry for falling for you," he breathed in, brought the glass to his lips again. "I will never be sorry for that. I don't care how selfish it might sound."

One of your fingers touched the rim of the glass, not allowing him to bring it to his lips. When he stopped, you took it in your hand and left it aside.

"Was that so hard to do?" you asked him. "We could have saved ourselves so much trouble if you had said that earlier. Because you already knew how I felt, didn't you?"

"Of course."

"Since when?"

"I always knew," he responded. His eyes didn't look at you when he next spoke. "Do you really think I would have worked up the courage to kiss you that night if I thought there was the slightest possibility that you might reject me?

You shook your head and brought your own hand to your eyes.

"You fucker," you whispered, eyes squeezed shut. "You made me suffer so much, all these years..."

"Believe me, you weren't alone in that," he said. "I didn't even know what I was feeling, not until I understood the meaning of wanting to be with someone. Ironically, it was Layla's aunt who made me wake up. It's ridiculous, I know, but the lady just said the right words at the wrong time and then I knew, but it was too late. And by then you had suffered enough and I had just gotten married, so I decided that letting you go was the best for both of us."

"You could've talked to me, at least."

He shook his head.

"I've never been one to talk things through," he said. "I've always been better at hiding or running away."

"And you did both."

He looked at you in the eyes, for the first time in a few minutes. Marc pursed his lips, just then realizing that it was true. He had hidden his feelings for the longest time, even from himself. When his relationship with his parents became impossible, and what he felt for you was so confusing that he could barely talk to you before he left, he fled under the pretext of his military service. He hid his feelings, then he ran away.

"Yeah," he said. "I guess I did."

After a few minutes, once he was finished eating and pushed the plate out of the way, he spoke again.

"I can see why you prefer Steven. I don’t blame you for that."

You couldn't help but laugh, it erupted from the back of your throat, started small and only grew as Marc's confused stare kept getting more intense.

"What?"

"Steven said the same thing earlier about you," you drew circles with your index finger, over the rim of your own glass. "You two are so different, and so exactly the same sometimes." When he didn't say anything, you explained the situation. "He found your phone and asked me what I knew. I couldn't just keep quiet, he thought you were blackmailing me."

Marc just nodded.

"Marc...," you played with your own fingers over the table. "when you told me you worked for your old commander officer, I thought you had stopped after what happened with Layla's dad..."

"I didn't kill him," he said, his eyes suddenly wide, looking at you with such an intensity and fear that it was impossible not to believe him. "I know that's what you think, but I swear to God I didn't."

You held his nervous gaze, finding no trace of lying on his words. And he visibly relaxed under your watchful eye when you caught his fingers in yours, gently caressing them.

"So you didn't kill anyone," you said, but it was more of a question than a claim. The way he sat in silence before you, made your heart sink to the ground. "Did you?"

He wetted his lips, seemingly thinking twice about what he was about to answer.

"Not because I wanted to."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Marc made a gesture, his touch slipping away from yours. He tried to reach his almost empty glass of Jack Daniels, but you got it out of the way.

"Marc," your voice sounded desperate. You couldn't believe you had just talked and fixed so much just for him to keep lying to you, hiding things from you. "If you were having money troubles, if you needed help, you could have told me before going to your old commanding officer. He shot you, and now you're back at stealing things for him... and, and- now Steven and I, and Harrow..."

Your voice broke, your mind was rushing so much you had no idea what you were saying, or if it even made sense.

"Hey, hey," he said, grabbing your hands in his, drawing comforting circles over your palms with his thumbs. "Calm down, okay? What are you talking about?"

You took a shaky breath, your unspilled tears making it difficult for you to keep looking at him. The image around you distorted.

"Are you not working for him?"

"For Bushman?" he asked, he grimaced as if the idea repeled him. "Of course not."

You furrowned, a perfect question mark drawn on your features.

"They told me you stole something from them," you whispered, as if they were there to hear you. “I thought you had stolen it for Bushman. Why else would you steal?”

Marc almost instantly regretted denying your words. It was probably easier to explain that he still worked for Bushman, that he stole relics and ancient artefacts for a living, rather than going into details about how he was resurrected by an ancient Egyptian god of the moon who tasked him with killing and stealing from all sorts of people.

"That's what you kept talking about," you said. "Wasn't it? When you said you'd explain it all to me when it was all sorted, when everything was over."

He silently cursed himself, now that you had seen the recognition in his eyes, you wouldn't stop until you got the truth. He sighed, letting your hands go and pulling his hair back, his fingers getting knotted in his own messy curls.

"I told you," he tried to reason with you, tried to get out of trouble without explaining a single thing. But you were so dangerously close to the truth, and he could not risk that either. "I told you, I promised I'd told you everything once it was over. It's obviously not still over, is it?" he said, a pleading look into his eyes. "So please, it's not time yet."

"It's not time?!" you almost shouted. Your hands slammed on the table. "They almost got the three of us killed, Marc! I think it's very much time."

The tip of his tongue wetted his lip just to bite his lower lip later, a desperate look in his eyes. This time, he did reach for the whiskey and swallowed the entire contents of the glass as if it were water.

"This is what you kept talking about, isn’t it?" you tried again, hoping that he would finally snap out of it. While you talked, he rose up from his chair and walked a few steps, brushing his hair back, until he finally turned around and shouted.

"Yes! Yes, it is!" he said. "And frankly, (y/n), the less you know the better."

"You're just so impossible, Marc," you responded, shaking your head. "Can't you see? We already played that game! And look where it got us!”

He took ragged breaths, his chest repeatedly rising and falling as if he had run a marathon.

"I don't care about your fucking opinion!" he raised a hand in front of him, considering the matter closed. "If you dont trust me that its better this way, I don't care. I'm not telling you shit this time.”

His words shook you to your core. Would it be possible that Marc had closed off again because of what happened the first time, when he told you everything that happened in the tomb? Was he still mad at you for telling him he should feel guilty?

"I- I know I hurt you Marc, but I said sorry- I thought..."

"It's not about that," he said. "You could not say a thing that kept me away from you, or made me hate you, or whatever. It's not about that," he sighed, now leaning against the kitchen counter. "Listen, this is heavy shit. This is a world I don't wanna drag you into. I tried very hard to keep both you and Steven safe and very far away from it, I did.

"This is the kind of thing people will torture you for if they think you have information about it. I cannot let that happen. They won't touch you, I swear, but you have to do as I say and not ask questions. Then you’ll never see me again, I promise, and you’ll have Steven and both of you will live the rest of your lives happily ever after and pretend I never existed. That’s what you want, that’s what he wants. Your wish is my command. Now, do we have a deal?"

You could not believe the tone in which he spoke to you, nor the words that came from his mouth.

"That's..." you whispered, taking a step back. "That's what you think I want, to get rid of you?"

Marc bit his cheek.

"Is not?"

"Of course not," you responded. "I want you with me."

He shifted his gaze, now looking at the tiles under his shoes.

"More than you want Steven?" he asked, you didn't respond. He pursed his mouth into a thin line just as his lower lip started trembling, shivers taking over his body. "That's what I thought."

Marc closed his eyes shut, biting his lip trying not to spill the tears piling up behind his eyelids. It was fair, really. He wasn't crying because he wanted to, but because even though he understood, it still hurt. He could only compare it to when he hit some furniture by accident. He was okay, he didn't have anything broken, he wasn't bleeding; but the damn thing still hurt like a bitch. It was exactly the same thing. He was okay with your decision, he understood it, maybe even more than you yourself did, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.

You walked up to him, quickly getting your arms around his form. Soon his tears were flowing, his tired and weak body falling forwards as you caught him in your arms.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed, burying his face into your neck. "...for everything. I'm sorry. If I could take all the pain I've caused you, I'd gladly do it."

You grabbed him by the shoulders, trying to get him away from you, just a few inches so you could look at him. You cupped his cheek, wiped away his tears with your thumbs.

"Marc," you said. "I love both of you, the exact same amount. The only thing keeping the three of us apart is the lies, the confusion, all the pain we've inflicted upon the others. I'm no saint. I lied to Steven, lied to you when I thought you'd turn me down, lied to myself when I convinced myself that I didn't want you anymore. But I do, I always do.

"I'm not just asking you to be honest," you said. "I want to help you, because I know you're too stubborn to ask for help. Even if all I can do is being there for you, I want to do that. Can't you see that I'm trying to forgive you?" you asked. "I'm willing to forget everything, to start over as if you've just arrived in England again, but I can't do that if you're not honest with me."

His glazy eyes widened, a new and restored hope filling them. One final tear fell from one of his eyes.

"Do you understand that?" you asked.

He nodded profusely, biting his lip, his teary, blood-shot eyes never leaving yours.

"Would you do that?" he asked, whispering, his voice the most frightened you'd ever heard him speak. He almost looked like a lost child, like the Marc you'd first met. "Would you have me?"

Now biting your own lower lip, you considered his words. You didn't want to break his heart, not after seeing the spark of hope in them. It had been a long time since you last saw him so alive and full of hope, so hopeful. But the truth was, there was a long list of conditions that'd have to be met in order for the two of you to be together.

"Will you be honest with me?"

He nodded once again, his hands digging into your waist, bringing you close.

"Give me a few days, okay?" he asked, then looked at the disappointment in your face. "Okay, okay, give me a day. Just a day. And I'll tell you everything, I promise."

"Okay," you responded. His forehead rested against yours, the smell of alcohol in his breath didn't allow you to drown in him, in his smell and his warmth, but the closeness still filled you with comfort. "I don't wanna give you false hope, Marc," you said, separating from him. He frowned. "You have to know that I don’t think I could get into a relationship with any of you now. Not if the other doesn’t agree with it. Surely you understand that, don't you?"

He nodded.

"I don't wanna hurt Steven. I can't keep any more lies. I need the two of you..." your voice broke, and you swallowed. "...to be okay."

Marc hugged you, his strong arms securing you tightly against his chest. A few tears fell from your eyes, staining his shirt.

"I don't want to hurt him either," he said, his hand stroked your back, up and down. "There has to be a way to fix this mess. We'll find a way. That, I promise."

It took the both of you a while to recover from the rollercoaster of emotions you had just experienced. At this point, neither of the two knew who was holding who. Both souls felt as shattered as the other, both bodies were just as tired. It had already been late when Marc appeared on the front door, but it had now become an ungodly hour in the morning.

Marc was the first to talk, almost dragging your body to the bedroom.

"Let's get some sleep, c'mon," he whispered over your ear. "Promise I'll get on the bed with you," he said. You smiled, and he mirrored you. "Yeah, I remember. No sleeping on the floor."

It was as if he could read your thoughts. He knew exactly what you were thinking.

A moment of lucidity came over you both just as your bodies hit the mattress, suddenly aware of the fact that you were going to share a bed again, for the second time in your whole lives. Neither of you did as much as getting rid of one piece of clothing. For you, it was your jeans, too uncomfortable to sleep in them. For him, it was his jacket and shirt. You wrapped yourself under the sheets and duvet, and despite doing it yourself, Marc's fingers brushed your shoulder as he secured the sheets over you, just to get his body under them a second later.

Marc found himself lying next to you for the first time since he was nineteen. Everything had changed, neither of you were children anymore, and despite that, he still felt like a helpless teenager when his eyes met yours. His desires weren't childish, either, not anymore. Now what he wanted to do to you went beyond what the flesh could offer.

Everything had changed, yet it all remained the same somehow. You had the same glint on your eyes he had always admired, the same expression even if your face had changed over the years. If he squinted he could still see the little girl he met in secondary school, the first person who befriended him when he had just moved from the states, the only person who dared to stay despite his many flaws.

He wanted to touch you, in a much more frenetic way than he did before. You were not seventeen anymore, neither was he. You're just two grown-ups who don't know how to unleash their feelings because they have bottled them up for so long that they're not sure if it will all explode in their faces once they remove the cap.

He wanted to touch you. You wanted him to touch you. In fact, you were secretly wishing for it, not daring to make a move in case you scared him away. If Marc wanted, he could slide his fingers inside your panties and not only would you allow it, but you'd be waiting for him, so deliciously drenched. He could make you come in his fingers without breaking a sweat or getting rid of one single piece of clothing. He could taste you then, undress you and bury his tongue in your wet folds as you repeatedly clenched and relaxed around him, still massaging your clit so you kept squirming under him.

Then he would whisper how long he's been waiting for that, how many times he had to take care of himself when he couldn't stop imagining your flavour, or the way you'd scream his name, eyes squeezed shut, fists gripping into his sheets as you came. He'd be embarrassed to admit how many times you were the main character of his wet dreams, so he'd keep that to himself. He'd tell you someday, eventually. You'd kiss him. He would kiss you back, put one of your legs above his shoulder, your lower back resting on his thighs as he entered you.

He wanted to. You wanted him to. Your eyes were begging him to ruin you, show you how much he cared. There was nothing to stop him now.

And yet he was still too scared to touch you.

So he closed his eyes under your watchful gaze, rejecting you, and after a while, he drifted off.

Some things never change.

You might have fallen in love first, but Marc fell harder and all at once. On his wedding day, out of all days, and with the person he was not getting married to.

He didn't believe in that feeling back then. He thought that, in the end, all love came to be was another imbalance in the chemicals of the brain, different to the one that had fractured his own mind to create Steven, and very different to the one that pushed him to almost put a bullet in his skull the night he became Moon Knight, but an imbalance nonetheless.

Contrary to all the other beliefs he had, he could proudly say that he himself had put that thought in his brain; no one else. This time there wasn't an abusive mother to blame, or an absent father, or a traumatic experience serving in the military. The thought was all his, his own work. And he was madly proud of it.

Because when he was younger, he craved it. He craved all kinds of love: friends, family... He craved it so much and it was so obvious, that he was terribly embarrassed by all the things he'd done trying to earn it. Because when you're a kid and your needs aren't met, you become an adult way too soon, desperately trying to give what you need to yourself.

Marc had read once, somewhere, that when you're not fed love on a silver spoon; you learn to lick it off knives. He hated the fact that the sentence shook him to his core the way it did, that it felt so intimate and raw, yet so accurate. To this day, he has yet to find a better way to describe his childhood.

After many years of seeking the feeling, begging for it, he got tired in the end, as we all do at some point. When this happens, some people turn to religion and different systems of beliefs, saying things like god will provide, and everything happens for a reason. But he didn't believe there was any other reason beyond the suffering itself, and God sure as hell hadn't provided. So he had nothing, not even a comforting thought. Nothing.

After the third stage of grief: bargaining —trying to make people like him, trying to love her mother so she would love him back—, came depression, but he had been juggling between those three stages —anger, bargaining and depression— for so long that the sadness and emptiness were already there, and so he jumped straight to the fifth, acceptance.

There was not much to accept other than the fact that he was unloveable. He got to the conclusion that he didn't deserve happiness, that he was too different and too broken to fit in. He believed himself to be a piece of glass; someone broke him, and now he couldn't stop hurting people with his sharp edges. But he also believed himself to be a bomb: he had swallowed so much anger trying to be the good kid, that he couldn't stop the imminent explosion falling over the heads of everyone around him.

Then he met you, but he was way too far gone by then.

For some time he thought he loved Layla. She was smart, beautiful, and brave. Layla had wanted Marc from the very first moment she saw him. And it didn't take him long to find out Layla was one of those people that got everything they wanted. Neither did it take him long to find out that what she wanted, was in fact, him. She liked to tease him, even in public. The first time they had sex, Marc wanted her to know they weren’t exclusive, told her he didn't want her to think he was using her either, and she chuckled and said:

"Too bad, because I am using you."

He didn't feel used. In fact, those words only turned him on more.

They had been dating for a year when Layla mentioned something about wanting to get married young. Marc didn't want to, he had never understood those kinds of rituals, he didn't get the point of them. He wanted to wait some more. In fact, he never thought about getting married before. It also didn't feel right to get married to someone he always felt only half-full with, but she insisted and he wanted to make her happy. He let her father die, after all. She deserved all the happiness he could provide.

Now they were getting married, and even then, there was something still missing. He had always wondered why he couldn't fully love Layla. She was wonderful, precious, perfect, they had many things in common. She could have anyone she wanted and she still chose him for some reason.

And he still did not love her.

He felt affection, sure, something along the lines of what he had once felt for his brother Randall before his mother tortured him into resentment, but there was no romance in his relationship with Layla. There was good sex, sure, but no unbridled love, no butterflies in his stomach, no burning in his flesh, no sense of belonging.

And yet there he was, giving his vows surrounded by a crowd of people he didn't know the names of, and the only family, the only home he had ever had. You.

The reception took place at a venue on the outskirts of Cairo, near the banks of the Nile River. It was far enough away from the metropolis for no one to bother them while the music became almost deafening. Once anyone stepped through one of the glass doors into the terrace, decorated with artificial grass to give the feeling of being in an oasis in the middle of the desert, the pyramids of Giza and the Sphinx stood proudly in the distance.

Marc felt sick to his stomach being there. He wanted to get married in England, maybe in Brighton, by the beach; but those desires were never voiced. The tomb of Pharaoh Seti wasn't far, either, and that was yet another reason behind his constant discomfort.

For Marc, it was the place where he had been enslaved by Khonshu. But for Layla, it was just the place where her father died. She said she felt closer to him there, near the pyramids and under the watchful eye of the noseless Great Sphinx of Giza.

Marc could almost feel the judgemental look on the back of his head.

"Oh, Marcus you look lovely today."

Layla's aunt took him by surprise, her hands on the collar of his white shirt brought him back to Earth in an instant. He had to actually put some effort into understanding her accent, but he was thankful because she wasn't speaking Arabic. Although he might have prefered it.

"Don't scare him away, auntie," Layla responded in her language. Marc let out a relieved sigh, one he didn't know he was holding "And for the last time, his name is Marc, not Marcus."

"Surely the name has to come from somewhere, right?" she insisted in Arabic, her voice the most high-pitched he had ever heard. Then she switched to English again. Marc wondered if she didn't know that he spoke Arabic just fine. "Tell me, aren't you excited to share the rest of your life with our Layla? Should we expect children soon?"

The rest of his life? Children? He hadn't thought about that. He just stood there, his eyes wide for a second before he relaxed his featured and looked for an appropriate answer in his brain. He had swallowed the concept of marriage as just signing a paper for so long that he had forgotten what it usually meant: a life together, shared hopes, dreams and goals; in most cases, children.

In the first place, he didn't expect the rest of his life to be much longer; not if he kept serving Khonshu, at least. And children? It's not that he hated children. He actually liked them, but on other people's laps, with other people's DNA and being the responsibility of someone else. If he wasn't going to be a good father, then he didn't want to be a father at all. As long as he served Khonshu, children were not on the table.

He couldn't say those answers out loud, though; especially not to Layla's aunt. He panicked, hands wet with sweat.

"Uhm..."

"We'll see about that," Layla answered, giving him a look of concern. "We just got married, there's time."

Marc felt that presence, those eyes on the back of his head as he nodded, and he turned on his heels hoping to find Khonshu, but it wasn't him. It was the Sphinx again, looking at him.

Then his eyes caught something, a pale pink dress opening the sliding glass door to the terrace and walking outside.

You.

He hadn't stopped looking at you since he picked you up at the airport, and once you had shown up at the ceremony with that dress, he sure as hell couldn't.

One of the reasons why he wanted to get married in England, was that he wasn't so sure about you being able to attend if it happened in Cairo. The thought made him miss a few nights of sleep until your boss finally responded. He couldn't get married to Layla if you weren't there. He needed you, in every big step of his life, the same way you'd always been there before.

He wanted you for the rest of his life; however long that was.

The thought was simple, yet so revealing. It came to him in the most natural way. Accepting it was easy too. It felt like breathing or blinking, something you're not always aware of, but sometimes something happens and there it is, hidden, the only difference was he couldn't consciously stop it.

Perhaps it was more like his beating heart. There, occurring unbeknown to his eyes and mind, yet beating all the same. With you he felt full, he felt free from judgement, he felt a better person. With you, he forgot about the rest of the world.

If that was what love meant —the longing, the feeling of finally being at home, the desire of being alone but together, the comfort, the safety— he knew then, he finally knew, he loved you.

"Marc?" Layla said, pulling him from his elbow. "Shall we go with them?" she gestured to where the rest of the crowd was, but he didn't listen.

He loved you. He loved you, he loved you, he loved you. His mind couldn't let go of that thought, clinging to it as if it was the only thing keeping him sane. He felt himself falling. From where? He didn't know. But the abyss behind his feet looked terrifying. He looked at his hands and he felt small, a little child, a scared child with his hands clean again; no trace of blood. Forgiven.

"Marc..." Layla said, again. Her eyes showed a type of concern that's there only when you truly care for someone. "Marc, you're panting."

He remembered it then. Something so obvious yet so easy to forget; the reason why he, you, and all those people were there, the wedding.

His wedding.

Marc felt how his heart skipped a beat, but tried to keep himself calm, fearing that Steven would make a sudden appearence. For a second, he wished he flatlined. He wished this whole situation was some kind of cruel joke, finding out he loved someone else the day of his wedding; but it wasn't, and his heart kept beating nonetheless. The Earth kept spinning.

He breathed in and out for a second; trying not to freak Layla out.

After a short while, Marc smiled —it was crooked, forced— and took Layla's fingers out of his shoulders. He didn't remember her grabbing him, but her nails were buried in his shirt. It was too late to pretend nothing happened, so he told a half-truth.

"I'm not feeling so good," he said, his voice was barely a broken whisper. "I think it's just the heat. I'm going to get some fresh air."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, no," he responded, perhaps too quick. "No, I'm fine. I just saw (y/n) outside too. I'll talk to her for a minute. Don't worry."

The sky was full of stars that night. The full moon was surrounded by endless sparkling spots. It was beautiful, not even comparable to the polluted air of London that barely gave a chance at stargazing. You thought it was a pity no one was enjoying the view outside, but you guessed that if you were having a good time, you wouldn't be giving any attention to it either.

There was no way of denying it; being there was one of the most painful things you had endured, and you were also horribly uncomfortable. But all those people were there because they loved Layla, and you had to be there because you loved Marc, even if you didn't know anyone, even if no one spoke a word to you, even if the only people looking at you were nosy relatives.

"Hey."

You almost jumped at the sight of Marc next to you. Instead of apologizing, he leaned on the wall while you scolded him for scaring you. He seemed not to be interested in that, so he crossed his arms over his broad chest and said nothing. He stood there, looking at you, and when your eyes looked for the night sky again, so did his.

"I'm sorry for leaving you alone for so long," he said.

You turned your head towards him. Marc squeezed his eyes shut for an instant, as if it was a pain reflex. He took a breath, held it.

"What's wrong?"

"Uhm?"

"I know that face, what's wrong?"

He froze. You witnessed how his mind became a blank canvas, devoid of any kind of thinking. His dark eyes became even darker if that was possible. Marc, from his perspective, felt his body failing him. Not a single logical thought crossed his mind, except for the fact that you were waiting for an answer.

He had tried to bury his feelings, which usually worked with most people. You had seen through it, though. Marc didn't want to scare you, didn't mean to worry you; but you had unmasked that veil of arrogance he wore everywhere and he felt naked, exposed.

"Marc..." you muttered, the words almost didn't reach his ears. "Why are you crying?"

He felt a single tear falling from his eye. His pupils looked at you as if he was a startled animal. His relaxed posture —part of that mask of arrogance— vanished from his body language. Thankfully, no more tears followed. Thank god.

He shook his head, then wetted his lips with the tip of his tongue. He said the only thing that came to his mind, the only reasonable thing, at least.

"Everyone cries at weddings," he said; but you didn't look convinced. He'd have to try harder. "I'm fine. Really, I am. I'm just happy and very tired."

You nodded, but he saw in your eyes that he could not fool you.

"What happened to your date?" he asked. That was actually one of the questions he had wanted to make you. Not that he wanted you to come here with someone else, but all invitations were double. "You didn't use your plus-one. I thought you'd bring your boyfriend, what was his name?"

You shook your head. Now that was unbelievable, the fact that you were in your best friend's wedding and he didn't even know the name of your last ex.

"I don't know, you tell me."

It worked, he successfully changed the subject.

"Was it... Kyle?"

"Not even close. James, actually" you said.

"What happened to James, then?"

Up to that point, Marc had never given much thought to the people you were dating or sleeping with. He'd always get a bit uncomfortable at first, yes, especially on those rare occasions when said men wanted to meet Marc for some reason. He sometimes got jealous, but never acted on his feelings because he knew it was not his place. Plus, he had always thought that all that jealousy had more to do with the fact that he felt protective of you, that he was scared of losing his only friend, rather than the fact that he loved you. It never occurred to him before, such a wild idea. He'd known you his whole adult life and half of the rest, for so long, and he had never suspected anything.

You pursed your lips, a look of disappointment on your face; but no trace of sadness.

"Oh you know, I blew him once or twice," you said, almost laughing at the thought. "...and for some reason he thought he owned me after that, so I told him to fuck off."

Marc couldn't help but laugh. It was a relieved laugh, almost sounded like that too. And when it died out, he said:

"That's my girl."

It made you blush. Marc saw the pink on your cheeks and felt the urge to kiss them. He had never been very affectionate. In fact, Layla used to mock him saying he was one of the most frigid people she had ever met, except in bed, of course. He didn't consider himself to be a cold person, you'd never complained about that.

"I'm so happy for you," you said. "You have a lovely wife. I might soon be an auntie, right? I don't know. You've found your other half. I'm happy for you."

But Marc saw through your mask too, the same way you watched through his. Your words didn't match the tone of your voice, that trembling whisper falling from your red-tinted lips. Your smile was a sad one, deprived of all joy, of every good sentiment, lacking all that makes a smile something pleasant. It made him uncomfortable, the sight of you being miserable, hiding from him.

"Why do you sound so sad, then?" he asked.

Except he thought he already knew the answer.

"I don't know," you shook your head, an absent stare on your face. "I guess I'm scared of losing you now that you don't need me."

His heart sank, he could feel it dead and bloody at his feet. He felt many times that sour feeling, the same one that you had now. You didn't deserve that kind of pain, and he wondered, with awful terror, if he did something cause it.

"Don't say that," he responded. "I will always need you."

"You won't say that when you're changing nappies."

He gave a long, discontented sigh, rolling his eyes. He bit on his lower lip.

"Why is everyone so obsessed with us having kids?" he muttered, more to himself than to anyone else's ears. Then his eyes locked on you, his fingers gently brushed yours before taking them into his grip. "Listen, I will always need you. I'm not just saying that. I mean it, I really do."

Once again, that blush on your face. He wondered at the sight, just as you looked away.

Marc was having none of that. He wouldn't deprive himself of the pleasure of looking at you. Never again. If he couldn't do anything else, at least he would look, just look. That was something a married man could do without consequences, something that you'd allow, at least. The pad of his fingers barely touched your chin as he forced you to look at him again.

"I hope you're enjoying and marking my words, 'cause I won't be saying them ever again."

That made a laugh tore from your throat.

"Things don't have to change," he said, releasing you from his touch as he turned back to observe the moon. "I'm not dying. I'm not going to vanish into thin air," he said. "you're my best friend, and you know I love you, right?"

His head tilted to the side, closer to your own lips. There were mere inches between the both of you, and he could feel your breathing and smell your scent. It made him dizzy, so much so, that the desert started spinning around him. Terrified, he took a glimpse of your parted lips. He was too close.

For a horrible, awful, second, he thought he'd kiss you.

For a horrible, awful, second, you thought you'd let him.

Gathering all his willpower and strength, he stepped back, blinking and staring as if nothing had happened. Those were the only good news, nothing had happened, he had not caused a scene at his own wedding. Although he couldn't care less about what all those people thought about him.

It was at that moment that he knew it was too late. He'd have to live for the rest of his life with yet another thing to feel guilt for.

"I know," you finally said. "I love you too, Marc."

The words slipped out of his mouth. "You'll always have me. You're my only friend."

"You know I don't like it when you say that."

"But it's true," he insisted. He needed to say it, to let you know what he felt before the weight of everything crushed him down. He wouldn't be able to say it again after that, so he thought he'd enjoy it, savour it on his lips. "It's true, you're my best friend, the only one I've ever had, the only one I've ever needed. I love you, and I will always need you."

Despite his words, the whole scene felt like a farewell.

He squeezed his eyes shut once more, cursing all the Egyptian gods he knew the names of; specially Khonshu. If fate existed, he also cursed that, wondering why his destiny was so ironic and cruel, why the universe enjoyed seeing him suffer so much.

He was actually kidding, though. He didn't believe himself to be so important to have a designated path, or have gods pointing and laughing at him.

In the middle of his internal rambling, he heard a faint whimper. It broke his heart because it came from you.

"Why are you crying?"

You shook his head and wiped your tears. Then, another smile that didn’t reach your eyes.

"Oh you said it yourself," you responded, putting the cherry on top with a smile. "Everyone cries at weddings."

You left the flat in the middle of the night, before Steven could wake up next to you and everything became even more complicated than it already was.

Steven didn't call you in the morning, although he was on the verge of doing so when he thought that everything that had happened the day before was just another one of his nightmares, albeit a horrible one. If just he wouldn't have waited until he got to the museum, and checked that everything was, in fact, not another one of his nightmares, you could have talked to him for the very last time.

Instead, once he witnessed the mess the jackal had caused in the toilets and how Marc had saved both their lives; he decided that it was enough. Steven didn't know if you were aware of the supernatural that surrounded the life of your life-long best friend. In fact, there was still many things he didn't know about, but if he was sure about one thing, that was that he didn't want to put you in any more danger. Wether you knew everything about Marc or not —and he didn't trust Marc for one single second, so he doubted it— he wouldn't be the one to risk it.

Marc was ready to step in if Steven tried to go to you for answers. He didn't have the need to, though. And that was the first time in a while that Marc really felt connected to Steven. That maybe, somehow, they could talk things through and become something more than two strangers who fought for the body.

Steven, in turn, decided to seek the answers himself.

"Khonshu?" he asked, looking at his own reflection in the metal wall, but the man in front of him didn't look as incredulous as Steven was sure he looked. "The Egyptian god of the moon?" he turned around. "Oh my god, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

And it was, in fact, stupid. But as ridiculous as it might sound, a very low voice in the back of his brain told him that it did make sense.

"Is that rubbish what you told her?"

In other circumstances, Marc would have laughed it off, said something other than the truth; but right now he was forced to explain everything to Steven in the hopes that he would stop interfering in his matters with Khonshu. The sooner everything was over with, the sooner he could come back to you and fix that horrible love-hate triangle that had been summoned around the three of them.

"No," Marc said. "I wouldn't drag her into this. She doesn't know," he said. "Listen, I can't have you interfering in what I have left to do. For both our own sake and hers. So this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna lay in that cot there, and take a nice nap-"

"Sleep?" Steven could have hit his own reflection if he didn't know that all he would get in turn was a broken hand. "I'm never gonna go to sleep again!"

That was the moment Marc knew they had a long way to go.

The sensation became almost unbearable after Marc got rid of the second jackal, when Steven blamed him for eating parts of his life like a parasite, for making him lose his job, killing his goldfish, turning his life into a living nightmare, and taking away the only person he had ever loved. Little did Steven know that Marc believed it to be all the other way around. After all, Steven had gotten everything he always craved but never had: loving parents, an easy life, and the woman he had always felt undeserving of.

Hours passed, and the more you waited for a call the more obvious it was that Marc had lied to you, again. Calling him would mean to risk your relationship with Steven further into the grave now that he had Marc's phone, and calling Steven would, without a doubt, also end in disaster having in mind that you had run away from his flat. With those odds, your hands were tied. In a desperate attempt not to hurt either of them, nor to exacerbate the hatred Steven now felt for you, you were inflicting worse pain onto yourself.

Eventually, after endless hours of turning your phone on and off and walking back and forth the whole length of your flat, you couldn't take it anymore. Baby steps, you thought. You asked yourself what could be the smallest step towards easing that feeling of uselessness, what it was in your power to fix, and that's how you ended up surfing through teacher job offers. Because ironically, that was easier than thinking about Steven hating you for life or Marc lying to you and putting himself willingly in danger for whatever his reasons were.

And yet, once day gave way to night, a strange sensation settled in your chest, too overwhelming to ignore. A few minutes later you were taking the tube on the way to Steven's flat. And it wasn't until you left the underground, finally a few minutes from the flat, that you saw that Marc had called you four times.

"Where are you?" It's the first thing he said. "I need to talk to you."

"You sure do. Give me a literal minute and I'm on your doorstep."

Silence filled the line for a second before he agreed, not exactly comfortable with your angry tone. Marc sighed, tired of fighting, and the words slipped out of his mouth.

"I love you."

You hung up and walked faster. Something had to go terribly wrong.

"Oh my god, Marc."

He opened the first time you knocked on his front door, although hit might have been a more appropriate word. You heard him hiss under his breath once the door was half-open, and you couldn't help but push it all the way back into its hinges. Even under the dim orange light of Steven's flat, you could see the crimson on his knuckles. Blood pouring from the open wound, staining the door knob, Steven's colorful shirt and the floor as it flowed in large red rivers.

"What the hell did you do?" you asked him, taking his arms tightly into your hands, avoiding the blood. He, on the other hand, brushed the skin of your forearms with the pad of his fingers, leaving blood-stained fingerprints. A look of pure longing in his eyes, ignoring his wounds as if he had barely a paper cut.

"I have to talk to you," he said, almost in a dazed state. When you insisted, shaking his shoulders and looking for answers, asking him if he was hurt anywhere else, he shook his head. "No, no. I just came here and had to break all the mirrors. Steven was giving me a hell of a headache."

"I'm gonna grab the-"

"No," he pulled your arm as you tried to leave. "It's fine, really. This is perfect."

You were beginning to doubt his sanity.

You squinted in his direction, looking into his brown eyes for answers. There was a time in which you were capable of almost reading his mind, know exactly what went through his brain, his emotions. That was not the case anymore.

"Please," he said with pleading eyes, his fingers digging into your flesh. Marc got closer, his nose almost brushing yours. "Please, trust me."

And you nodded, because what else could you do.

Marc gently kicked the door shut, barely pushing it with the heel of his shoe. He guided you to the kitchen, the place in which all your fighting and making up seemed to happen lately, the now designated place for ruining and fixing and ruining again your relationship with the two of them. You shivered, but it had nothing to do with the cold.

"Did you speak to him?"

"Yeah," then, he regretted his own words. "Well, not like speaking. More like screaming at me and telling me to fuck off. But you know the deal."

With your lips parted, an incredulous expression on your face, you almost facepalmed. Anxiety boiling just under your flesh.

"Oh, Marc... please, tell me you're having a laugh."

He shook his head.

"He became co-conscious earlier. Told me I was a parasite, kept being a fucking asshole, so I had to smash every single mirror here, just for him to vanish now," he said. His hand flew to his face, trying to soothe his own nerves, but he stopped it midway. "He can't hear us now. I know you wanted to talk to him, but it will have to wait. I can't give him the body now, or he won't give it back, and there's one last thing I have to do."

You couldn't stop thinking about his bloody knuckles.

"Marc," you talked with the gentlest tone you could harbor. He was anxious, restless, you didn't want to scare him further. "Marc, baby, listen. You're bleeding. Let me take care of you."

He had a blood stain on his cheek that made him look even more animalistic, deranged, than his messy hair and mud-stained clothes already made him look.

"That's the thing. I thought I could take care of myself," he said. His hands gripped the backrest of one of the chairs, right in front of you, as you stood next to the kitchen table. "Turns out I've never been able to do that. There's always someone looking after me. In my worst days, it was always you. And when something like this happens, now," he lifted his hands in the air. "Is Khonshu."

You frowned, not knowing what to say or what he meant, and he went on.

"You wanted me to be honest," he said. "I can promise you, this is the last thing I'll ever keep from you. I have no more secrets. I'm all yours from now on."

You blinked profusely, not knowing if you could trust him.

"No more lies?" you asked. The same hope in your voice you had heard in his a day earlier. "No more lies from now on? Can you promise me that?"

"I can," he said. "and I do. But you have to promise me you won't freak out, and won't put yourself in danger. Okay?" you nodded, and he insisted, walking closer. "I wanna hear you say it."

"I promise you Marc," you said. "I promise I won't put myself in danger," you repeated his words. Once he was mere inches from you, your fingers traced the line of buttons on his shirt. Something beyond reason urging you to slide your fingers under the hem of his shirt, but you didn't listen. "and I promise there's not one single thing you could say or do that could keep me away."

A little smile appeared on his face. Then, he left a peck of his lips in your forehead. He stepped back, away from you, and even if you wanted to follow him you didn't.

He stretched his arms on either side of his body and then you saw it. You saw the bandages rising from somewhere on his back, and quickly wrapping around his whole body, the hood forming over his curls until they weren't visible anymore, the cloak falling behind his back. His eyes began to glow, two bright moons growing into full moons and then covering his whole corneas. Everything in the flat seemed to be either broken or stained with blood; but not him. The suit was pristine white and gold. There were hieroglyphs written in black ink all over it.

There was something mystical, ancient and out-of-this-world in the air. You could feel it, magic blooming around you, in every single atom that surrounded you. And even if you didn't understand it, how that was even possible, you accepted it, because it was your Marc the one who wore it, the person under the suit.

Both the cloak and the bandages on his face disappeared in the blink of an eye. And Marc appeared underneath, now without a trace of blood on his face, as handsome as he had always been. He walked a hesitant step in your direction and you hit the table behind you when you backed off.

It wasn't as if you were scared of him, you never could. It was the fact that your mind could barely process how intimidating, and majestic he looked. You were having serious trouble with keeping your thoughts on track. The suit hugged his broad shoulders perfectly, the muscles in his thighs too. He even looked taller, if that was even possible.

"It's me," he said, his open palms, covered by the bandages, stretched out in your direction. "You don't have to be scared. It's still me."

"I know," you said, your voice low. "I know."

Marc walked his way back to you, as he always did. His covered fingers touched your hands, stained with his blood, but even then, the suit didn't get stained. You brought your hand to his chest, to the piece covering it, your fingers traced the golden moon there, and you swore you would've gotten an ugly cut if Marc had allowed you to reach the pointed edge of the half-crescent moon.

"When I got shot in Egypt last time," he started. "when Layla's father died, Khonshu, the god of the moon, gave me a chance to live," he said. "He exchanged my life for my servitude. I owe him. Neither Steven nor I would be alive today if it weren't for him," he waited, trying to find some kind of recognition in your eyes. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

You frowned, looking at him but still speechless. You said the first thing that came to mind.

"Are you an Avenger?"

That made him laugh, but he simply shook his head, a wide grin still lingering on his lips.

"Are you even listening to what I'm saying?"

Giving a hesitant touch, both your hands gently brushed his biceps covered by the suit. The fabric was strangely soft, but it was secured, attached to the body like a second skin. There was not one single thread out of place, and when you tried to pull from one end of the bandages, tried to find his own clothes or skin, you only found more cloth underneath.

When you looked into Marc's eyes again, he had a cheeky expression on his face. His eyes weren't glowing anymore, but they had a glint in them that was so characteristically Marc's.

"I think you like it a bit too much," he said.

"Oh," you chuckled, "I do."

Your fingertips caressed the fabric, travelling upwards until they reached the hem of the suit in his neck. Marc held his breath as your cool fingers made contact with his warm skin. He took your hand and pulled it away, placing it on his chest, close to his heart. He stepped forward, even if you thought it wasn't possible for him to be closer, cornering you against the table. One of his knees was now between yours.

"I meant it," he said, the most honest expression you had ever seen on his face. "...when I said I didn't want to hide anything from you anymore. That's why I'm here, telling you this. I'm leaving tomorrow morning for Cairo-"

"What?"

"I have to. Harrow has the scarab, he's trying to unleash ancient powers he won't be able to control," his hand cupped your cheek. "I have to stop him. If this goes right, it will be my last mission for Khonshu. It it goes wrong... well, the whole world's fucked."

You shook your head.

"No," you bit your own lip, anxiety blooming on your pupils. "How- how is any of that your responsibility, Marc? That's- that's madness."

"Shh..." he shushed you, his arms holding you tightly against him. "I'll be back soon, you don't have to worry about me."

"What if you don't?" you tried to get rid of his arms around you, but no matter how hard you struggled, you couldn't do it. "What if you get killed?"

He sighed, finally letting you free. Marc got rid of the suit. It shattered around him, disappeared without a trace, the bandages vanishing into thin air. Then, he held his knuckles high, just so you could observe the state of them. There was nothing there. There wasn't blood, or splinters, or one single scratch. Nothing, not even a thin white scar.

"The suit protects me. See?" Marc gently grabbed your chin and lifted your face to look at him. "I swear I'll be back. We both will. Then, the three of us will have a nice and long conversation. No fighting, no more Khonshu, no more mercenaries or weird artefacts, no more lies. I promise."

Your voice was barely a whisper when you spoke, the tears that had pricked your eyes moments earlier had vanished, but the knot in your throat did not suffer the same fate.

"How long will you be in Cairo?"

"I'm sorry..." he pursed his lips. His face pressed against your temple seconds later. He left a kiss on your hairline. "I don't have an answer for that. But I'm gonna call you every day and let you know we are okay, alright?" he smiled, now his forehead resting against yours. "How does that sound?"

"Horrible, actually," you bit your lower lip again, eyes squeezed shut in front of him. "I don't want you anywhere near that... genocidal maniac."

Marc's fingers caressed your skin, his gentle fingers barely touching you when he brushed some hairs our of your face. Despite everything, he was smiling.

"You've always taken such good care of me," he said, "but you don't have to worry now. I promise I'll be back."

You wanted to contadict his words, tell him that there was no way he knew how everything from this point on would unfold. Sure, his suit and god protected him, but to what extent? If Marc had these abilities, what were the chances of Harrow getting similar powers on his side? Still, you couldn't voice your concerns. It was a lost cause to argue with Marc when he was so sure of his decision.

So you sighed.

"I suppose you won't let me go with you."

His lips formed a thin line. He shook his head.

"Too dangerous," he said. "The only positive thing about Harrow having the scarab is they won't be here to bother you. They don't need us anymore," he paused, looked at his right, his eyes focusing on Gus' tank. "And I need someone here to take care of Steven's fish."

You rolled your eyes, a huff leaving your lips. He chuckled for a second, amused by the current of emotions showing on your face. He took one of your hands, his fingers intertwined his yours. And your other hand was quickly buried in his curls.

"You have to come back to me," you said, then he sensed a shift in your look, a more intense gaze, and he knew you weren't talking to him anymore, even before you parted your lips. "You too, Steven. You take care of each other."

Steven wasn't conscious at that precise moment, and Marc didn't want to bring up chaos in that situation, so he didn't dive into the headspace looking for him, but he would definitely tell Steven about it. Marc owed you that, now that he wouldn't allow the two of you to do something as necessary as saying goodbye.

Add to that the fact that Marc wasn't as sure of coming back in one piece as he made it seem, and the thoughts were soon tugging at his heart.

Marc wasn't so sure about Steven covering his back, but Marc wouldn't let anything bad happen to him. He wouldn't let anyone take Steven's happiness if he was there to prevent it. Once he came back, Marc would give him everything he took from him, he would mend it all. How, he didn't know, but if Marc was something, that was stubborn.

He wouldn't lose another brother. Or another part of himself, for that matter.

It wasn't until he felt a gentle pull from his curls that he snapped out of it.

"What are you thinking about?" you asked.

There it was, those kind eyes on your face. Your tone, sweetened with honey-flavored affection. He shook his head before your question, getting closer, his nose brushing your cheekbone as he worked up the courage to kiss you.

"Can we sleep together?" he asked, although he didn't mean it to sound as bad as it did. "Like we did last night. I really liked that."

He sounded so Steven right now. So soft, so unlike himself. And it wasn't until then that he remembered. Steven was him, a more gentle and open and vulnerable side of him, but him nonetheless. Marc was letting himself be vulnerable and soft, for the first time in a long while, and he would not feel guilty about it.

"Of course," you answered, your finger quickly crawling up to his neck, looking to start unbuttoning his shirt. It surprised both of you, even himself, when Marc didn't stop you. But his breath was still caught in his lungs. "What about your luggage? Do you need help with it?"

He drew a breath, as the cool air of the living room hit half of his chest. His eyes looking down at where your fingers tried to unbutton the last pair of buttons.

"All my things are in a warehouse in Central London," he said. "I'll grab a few shirts on my way to Victoria station."

You sighed, not entirely convinced with the sound of that. He was most certainly going to forget many things behind, but you figured he would have to manage.

He slid the sleeves of his shirt off his body. His now naked torso was warm, warmer than you remembered, and you had to fight the urge to bury your nose in the hole between his collarbones, looking up at his face instead.

"Can I at least accompany you to the station?" you asked.

Marc smirked, but shook his head.

"Don't make things more difficult," he said, then kissed your temple. "But I really appreciate that."

Soon, the two of you were back on Steven's bed, avoiding the sand on the floor as best you could. You took one of Steven's old t-shirts, expecting that to make you, at least, feel a bit closer to him. You needed them both with you, as you were sure Marc would leave in the blink of an eye; as he always did. And then you'd have none of them for god-knows-how-long. You also took one of Steven's shorts, even if they were most likely to slip from your hips. Part of you was begging for Marc to take those off as soon as you hit the bed; but you weren't so sure of that, having in mind how he had closed his eyes and drifted off the day before.

You hated the fact that your last conversation with Steven before they both left for Cairo was so tumultuous, so full of hatred. But you should have thought that before, both of you, because we never know what your last words to someone will be.

"Do you want me to say something to Steven?" Marc asked, knowing that you would have liked to at least say goodbye, and that he was taking that chance away from you.

"Tell him I love him," you said. Marc's mouth turned into half a smile. "I love you too, you know that."

Marc nodded. You might not be only his, but he is only yours.

His head rested on the pillow. Both your gazes locked into each other. Marc got closer, his body warm with only his boxers on, his big hand crawled its way under your arm and got hooked on your back, splashed there, covering as much flesh as he could. His forehead rested against yours, eyes closed.

"I love you too," he said.

It was the first time he said those three words sober, meaning them, really, truly, meaning them. Marc had always avoided saying them, even the first time he let you know about his feelings a few days before, he had not used the verb love. And now that it was out of his mouth, out of his chest —finally— and lingering in the limited space between your mouths, he felt finally free from a baggage he didn't know was holding.

"Say it again," you whispered, and he loved that.

"I love you too."

His warm breath was all you could breathe in, being in that position, body pressed against him, eyes closed and heart wide open.

"Again, please."

"No," he chuckled. "Words aren't enough. Let me show you."

There were mere inches between your mouths, inches he closed as he threw himself against your lips with urgency. His hot breath in your mouth, so indistinctively him, tasted sweet in a way nothing else could. By then you had long forgotten how good of a kisser Marc was, and it took you by surprise when both of you found yourselves fighting for dominance, frenetically trying to taste each other as much as you could. His hand then left your back, that kept you pressed against him, and crawled its way to your jawline. The moment his fingertips touched your neck, and you moaned, Marc felt himself die and come back to life. You melted under his touch, and the kiss went from violent to lazy and wet and almost dumb.

This time, it was you who nibbled on his lower lip. Marc moaned, fingers digging into your shoulder as he tried to find and keep his sanity. The other hand, the one under your body, fisted the sheets.

Neither of you could believe what was happening. If you ever told your younger self —or even just a version from a week back— that you'd have some day Marc Spector moaning from your kisses, she would have lost her shit. If Marc had ever told his younger self, he'd have freaked out.

He pulled himself away from you, barely enough to admire your face, with the last ounce of willpower he had. You were both panting, out of breath, a faint red colour adorning his features, curls pointing in all directions.

"I think that's clear enough," you said.

He frowned for a second, seemingly having forgotten what led him to kiss you in the first place.

"Oh, yeah," he said. "Hope it is."

"...because you won't repeat it?"

His smirk grew bigger.

"Who said such a thing?"

He pecked your lips a couple times, with a big grin still on his face, just before he moved and kissed your exposed cheek, the one that wasn't against the pillow. His hand buried itself under the hem of Steven's shirt, finding your waist below and pulling you against him, once, then drawing gentle, lazy circles over your naked flesh with his fingertips. He fell like a deadweight over the pillow just seconds later, still drawing circles, caressing all the skin he could reach; legs entangled with yours.

Goosebumps erupted on your skin, but he wouldn't be able to say if the cause were his attentions, the cold, or any other thing. Before he could stop himself, his touch dived further into your body, your stomach sinking away from his touch as he brushed the flesh there, but he didn't stop. Before he realized, his middle finger found the hem of your panties.

His eyes were locked in yours, and they hadn't changed its expression, as if nothing else was happening beyond two lovers looking into each other's eyes. But you knew somewhere, deep down, he was asking for permission. It was either that, or he wanted you to beg. And you did.

"Marc..."

The sound that came out of your mouth was half a whisper, half a moan, but beyond that, it was clear as day what it really was: a plea.

He parted his lips, drawing in a heavy breath. His fingers played with the hem, just to leave it alone and deciding to touch you —gently, without preassure— over the fabric.

He faked a puzzled face, frowning, as if he didn't know exactly what you wanted from him.

"What?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

You closed your eyes, now laying on your back and hips looking for a friction you couldn't find because he retrieved his hand, slightly, but never too far away. You looked at him, head lulling to the side.

"Marc... please."

He could have played with you all night, teasing you, making you beg. You saw it in his eyes, that he was capable of that and much more. But that night he was too eager, too needy. He had waited and imagined that moment for years, and now that it was happening, he was hard as a rock in his boxers. He couldn't wait, and a voice somewhere in his brain told him that it was cruel of him to make you wait any longer. But that didn't mean he had to rush things.

Marc leaned in and left a kiss on your clothed shoulder.

"Want this?" he said, a breath getting stuck at the very end of your lungs as his fingers pressed and massaged over the fabric of your panties.

"Yeah...," you gasped. "I want you. Marc, please."

He caught your mouth in his, savouring not only your mouth, but also the feeling of having you under him moaning his name, having you exactly as he had always needed you, imagined you. His open-mouthed kisses only made the pleasure and excitement more obvious, a pool of warmth growing in your insides.

Marc threw the covers away from you, leaving his laying position at last, now kneeling next to you on the mattress. With one hand he grabbed the hem of Steven's shorts, and pulled them so hard you could hear the seam unravel. You helped him pushing your hips over the mattress and prayed that the damage to the piece of clothing wasn't very serious. Not before you drowned in the sudden lightning bolt of pleasure that the sound brought to your body.

Then, Marc leaned in over you, trying to find the light switch just over the headboard. The bedroom space, only lit by the moonlight that poured through the window, became brighter as an orange-toned light bathed both bodies. You had to actively retain a gasp as you looked at Marc. The shadows created by the light definitely suited him, created shadows and light points making him look broader and his eyes darker, pupils wider.

His lips parted, breathing heavy as he looked at the way you slipped out of Steven's t-shirt. Your breasts on display, only for him to ravish on the sight.

"Lights stay on," he said. "I wanna see your pretty face when you cum."

He didn't even wait for a reaction, his fingers setting aside the fabric of your panties, his fingers now massagging up and down your naked flesh, not really with a path or a plan in mind. His other hand palmed his erection, hidden by the tent the fabric of his boxers had formed.

Marc kept the fabric out of the way with one hand, while he brought the fingers of his other hand to his tongue, wetting it with his spit. He buried those fingers in your folds, once, a low grunt leaving his lips when you moaned. Once he had them soaked, the pad of his fingers drew tight slow circles over your bundle of nerves.

"Oh, Marc..." you moaned. From your spot, you had a perfect sight of his shoulders and back, but also part of his face. Many of his dark curls fell over his eyes, but he didn't seem to notice. "...Ah... I-isn't it- better if you get..." he looked at you, not leaving his work unfinished for one single second and proud of the way you weren't able to finish a single sentence. "...get them off."

He pulled harder from your panties, the fabric getting deliciously buried in all right places.

"What's the fun in that?" he smiled.

You gasped, the pressure too intense to keep any type of chit-chat. Panting, you tried to reach for his arm. As your grip tightened around his hot flesh, your head left the pillow to get a visual of what he was doing. You could barely see anything beyond your abdomen rising and falling with your spasm and heavy breathing, but that accompanied by Marc's stoic and focused face, was enough to send you back to the pillow, your body way too heavy for you to hold any of it, your muscles and bones melting over the mattress.

"Marc..." he looked back at your face when he heard you whimper. "Marc, I need you closer."

He left everything he was doing, earning a huff from you, but even then, you felt the luckiest woman on Earth when he leaned over you, this time resting his weight on his elbows at both sides of your body. One of his hands brushed a hair that you hadn't noticed on your face, and he kissed your lips, quickly pulling away just a few inches.

"I'm right here, baby," he said. "I'm not going anywhere."

That was just a blatant lie, but one that could comfort you for the time being.

He lowered his face to lick a long stripe of skin on your chest, in the valley between your breasts. The sound that came from your chest sounded like a wounded animal, but Marc didn't mind. He massaged one of your tits, creating the perfect preassure right before he caught the nipple in his mouth. He licked, sucked, until they were perky and standing proud in the cold room. Although the flat seemed everything but cold in that moment. He gave the same attentions to the other one, not wanting to neglect a single inch of your body.

You buried your fingers in his hair as he did, massaging his scalp, pulling gently from his curls and drawing little moans from his mouth. When he was done —because it looked like he would give you a death glare if you interrupted his meal— you pulled his hair, trying to catch his lips again in yours.

He kissed you again, wet, hot and heavy tongue playing with yours, the saliva falling from one corner of your mouth for a moment before he kissed it away. The palm of your hand slipped over his hard flesh, not even stopping against his abs but instead going even lower. When you finally found the fabric of his black boxers, your fingers touching over the sensitive skin of his head by accident, he let his head fall over your collarbone. His heavy breath on your skin making you shiver.

You tried to reach for his member, but it wasn't like you had the best sight from that angle, so you failed. Luckily, Marc was too needy to behave as he normally would and guided your open palm to his covered cock, grinding against your touch.

In his mind, he was being harsh, not letting you touch him without asking permission first, not having all those gentle touches, caresses and complicit looks he was having with you. It didn't even feel like fucking. And he figured that maybe he wasn't fucking. Not at all.

He moaned when you pulled his hair, yanking his head back from your collarbones. You kissed his cheek, your lips never leaving his skin. And as you did, you touched him, pressing your hand and moving it up and down on his long shaft. When it became ridiculous the fact that he still had those boxers on, you pushed him back on the mattress, laying on his back so you could get rid of his boxers. He let you, looking at your much smaller hands pulling from the hem of his boxers until he had them around his knees. And he kicked it off of his body, while you took his heavy cock in your hands and gave him a stroke. His thighs trembled.

"You're so good to me," he said, his thumb caressing your neck while his other fingers rested on your nape. "I don't deserve you."

You quickly turned to him, almost snapping your head in the process.

"Don't say that ever again," you said. Marc gasped as you stroked him, his head leaking pre-cum, coating your fingers. But even with that serious expression on your face, you didn't stop jerking him off. "You deserve me. You deserve good things."

You leaned, now laying next to him on the bed. Marc's arm surrounded your body, he hooked his fingers in your waist. Reaching for his cock again, you kept giving him gentle strokes. He nodded in your direction.

"No, I wanna hear you say it now."

You increased the speed, barely, but even with that, he wasn't able to do so much as keeping his eyes open and take ragged breaths.

"Say it, say you deserve good things."

"I-" he tried, squeezing his eyes shut, panting. His other hand digged in your arm. "I deserve good things."

How had he ended up in that situation, that he kept wondering about. He rarely ever let a woman take control, but for you he could get used to it.

"That's my boy.”

He felt the familiar rush, the ticking bomb inside of him trying to implode just as you said that, and he quickly yanked your hand out of his body. He couldn't come yet, he wouldn't.

He behaved like a madman. He certainly felt like one, while getting over you and getting rid of your panties the same way he did with Steven's shorts earlier. He pushed your knees, your legs open for him; and before you could get used to the feeling of having nothing to cover yourself, he was already leaving wet kisses on the inside of your thighs.

Your weight was resting on your elbows, because you wanted to be able to see his pretty face. Even if he did nothing, you still wanted to look at him. You never got tired of that face, of his expression and focused gaze. Marc's too perfect not to be admired.

There was a moment of hesitation when he looked at you, as if he was asking for permission before lowering himself against your folds. You nodded for him to continue, and without breaking eye contact he buried himself between your legs, wet lips and skillful tongue eating you out, kissing, licking. Whatever he did, whatever pace he set, it felt like an thunderstorm suddenly bursting through your insides.

Between moans, you saw him roll his eyes, close them. That was when you knew that he was doing it for his own pleasure, not yours. His hands stopped you in your tracks when you tried to move your hips, slapping the tender skin of your thighs and leaving an angry red mark with the shape of his hand. He didn't let you move, long fingers and open palms keeping you open, still and available under him. His heavy tongue felt as if he was licking fire into your skin. Then, he put two fingers in and pumped, opening you up and getting you ready for what was about to come.

Marc said something, but you could hardly hear anything beyond your pulse, your own moans and half-hearted screams. You had never been as loud in bed as now, and it was frankly embarrassing how much you wanted —needed— him right then and there.

Even when he spoke, he never stopped pounding his thick fingers into you.

"You taste so fucking good," he said, before licking a long stripe between your lips. "I can’t believe I’ve missed this," he licked again, enthusiastically lapping at your bundle of nerves. "Come for me, baby. Come in my mouth."

He curled his fingers, knowing damn well what he was doing, sending you directly to rapture. His praise was well-received, triggering one of the most shattering orgasm of your life.

Marc held your hips, pushing you into the mattress as your thighs tried to close around his head. He moaned as if he was the one coming, his tongue licking around as if you were made of the most delicious sweet.

"That's it, there you are," he said, chin glistening below the dim lights, a cheeky smile on his face as he propped himself on his elbows, took the fingers out of you and licked them clean. "...my sweet girl. You come so good."

He lunged forward, looking for a kiss. You tasted yourself in his tongue, in the way he was passing the flavour into your mouth; and you couldn't help but moan into his mouth too. The whole thing was so nasty that it turned you on even more, the all-consuming fire burning in your skin —longing for his body— never fading, not for one split second.

You pushed at his chest and shoulders back, guiding him on a sitting position in front of you. He had a frown on his beautiful face, and you couldn't help but lean in and kiss the small wrinkle between his eyebrows and the swelling vein on his forehead.

"What you're up to?"

Marc said it with a grin on his face, but even then you could see the confusion.

"You'll see," you responded, crawling your way up to him, Your fingers looked blindly to grip the soft curls in the back of his head. Your lower body sitting over him, facing him, your thighs over his and his erection twitching when it brushed the inside of your thigh. "I think you'll love it. No one will ever fuck you like I do."

Marc's breath was caught in his lungs, he never thought you could talk like that; and it was certainly a first that he wasn't expecting.

He loves it.

"Are you gonna ride me?" he asked, looking into your eyes with so much desire and impatience that even if you weren't, you wouldn't have denied him anything. "Are you gonna ride my cock like a good girl?" then he brushed your hair back, the pads of his fingers lingering over the skin of your neck for way too long. Then he whispered. "Do you want me to lay back?"

"No."

He hissed when you touched his erection, hard as a rock in your hand, and held his breath as he watched how you propped yourself on him, just to slowly —almost cruelly— lower yourself on his cock, inch by inch, until he finally bottomed out, your thighs once again sitting on his lap, your heels digging into his lower back as you hooked yourself around him in a tight hug.

Marc had to close his eyes to keep himself from floating away, but still held your body against his chest. It wasn't until he felt your face against his collarbone, your ragged breath over his skin, that he came back to reality.

"You okay?" he asked, almost whispering. His open palm caressed your back in a comforting manner, up and down.

"Yeah, yeah," you responded. "Give me a second."

"All you need."

You were way too full, full to the brim. You could almost feel the pressure of him in your lungs, not letting you breathe. But soon the uncomfortable sensation faded, only leaving the pleasure and eagerness behind. Your arms embraced him over his shoulders, hugging his broad back and all of him as best you could. You'd never have enough of his boiling-hot flesh. You lowered your face against his neck and sucked and licked until he had a cute love bite blooming over his tanned skin.

"If you do that again," he sucked in a breath. "...I'm not taking responsibility for the things I'll do to you."

You chuckled, kissed the bruised skin and wondered if you felt like pushing his limits; finally concluding that maybe today wasn't the day.

“Just a little gift” you whispered against his ear, goosebumps erupted on his neck and shoulders “to remember me by.”

“I could never forget you.”

Your forehead rested against his, heavy breaths coming from the both of you; breaths that became even heavier as you rolled your hips and slowly sank yourself into him. Marc grunted, fingers digging deeply in your hips as the pace picked up.

"You'll be the end of me," he said between breaths.

He then hooked one of his arms around your waist. He held your lower back, but also pushed you up and down on his length, quick to begin thrusting from underneath as best he could. Even with those odds, his hips didn't falter, his thrusts were hard, slow and deep. You moaned his name against his mouth, and that's when his hand grabbed your neck, thumb and index getting buried just under your jaw.

Were those stars or black dots in your vision? You didn't know, maybe both.

"So precious," he said, and his grip on your neck faltered as you reached for his wrist, nails scratching his flesh. "Do you like that?"

You didn't respond, but your fingers cupped his hand and squeezed, urging him to do the same. Marc chuckled, and brought you in for a peck on the lips. "No, that's..." he gasped as he felt you tighten around him "...already too much. Fuck, I'm so close, already. What the fuck are you doing to me?"

Finding strength in his words, you gripped his shoulders and rode him. Faster, deeper, if that was even possible. Marc opened his mouth to complain, but went silent as his own eyes rolled back.

"F-fuck."

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to steady himself, trying not to cum yet. He clenched his jaw, a muscle ticking there from the force. His fingers dug deeper into your waist, succeeding in their task of trying to slow down the pace when, finally, your muscles started to ask for a time-out.

"You little bitch," he complained, his hand left your neck and gripped your cheeks, a dull ache spreading beneath the grip that, unexpectedly., made you clench around him. "I'm not coming first. You are coming first. Am I clear?"

"Y-yes," you responded.

He didn't wait, couldn't wait. Marc reached for where you both joined, quick to find your swollen clit almost brushing his own groin, not without coating his fingers in spit. And he drew tight circles, his arm guiding you to keep sinking yourself around him. The head of his cock pulsing and hitting the right spot inside of you, time and time again. He was determined to wear you out.

"Give me another one, come on," he said, muttering to himself. "I know you can do it. I can feel you."

And so you did, the powerful blast of pleasure spreading everywhere from your centre, thighs stiff and unmoving over his, both your hands fisting his hair until a low grunt left the back of his throat. Your vision went blurry just before you closed your eyes and rested your forehead against his.

"I got you," he said through clenched teeth, following closely behind.

All he needed was a few more thrusts, feel your warm and tender skin against his. You were everywhere, all his senses could record were you against him: your back under his touch, your fingers on his nape, your body sitting over him, thighs drenched with a mix of sweat and cum. He grabbed your body closer, as if it wasn't close enough, and let himself fall into the void. His eyes squeezed shut as his own orgasm shattered everything around him. You heard him moan and struggle against your ear.

Both of you panted as you came down from your high. Marc never let you go, he knew better than that now. Your hand slipped over his shoulder, falling over his heart and feeling his quick pulse underneath.

Marc buried his head deeper into your collarbone, trying to quiet down a mix of contradicting thoughts clouding his mind. It wasn't until then that he realized he should've, at least, pulled out; instead of spilling himself inside of you without even asking. It wasn't until then, either, that he realized that leaving for Cairo would be a hundred times worse, that being away from you would be one of the worst things he would've to do. Again.

And he would still not have it any other way. Never. Not in a million years.

"You're alright, baby?" you asked him, caressing the back of his neck and shoulders with one hand.

"Mine," he whispered, the sound so muffled you hardly heard it. "I can't believe you're finally mine."

He felt tears pricking in his eyes, but didn't let go of them.

"Oh, silly," you chuckled and kissed his shoulder. "I've always been yours."

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