#and I said I Cannot Recommend This Book in Good Conscience.

[softly-and-suddenly]

What kind of mental health issue is it that makes you think about Moby-Dick all the time and how do I get medicated for it

[longlivechips]

A drabble on what if Arthur repealed the magic ban while Merlin wasn't there. I like the idea of Arthur thinking Merlin will be mad, he said magic has no place in Camelot afterall. And Merlin being like shit I'm gonna have to start telling the truth.

A fic where Merlin goes to visit his mother for a few weeks. It's Yule and he misses her.

While he is gone a child comes to trial. Hardly 12 and clearly terrified. She had been caught using magic.

She swears she didn't mean to, that it just started happening one day and she was so scared of what was happening to her.

The law says she is to burn.

But Arthur just can't seem to make the call. He can only think of the girl Morgana used to be when he looks at her.

He speaks to Gaius and Geoffrey about what Camelot was like before the ban. How people square magic. He learns, for the first time, more than his father had ever let him.

He's thinking of......well not reversing the magic ban. But this girl can't be evil surely.

He wishes Merlin were here, his advice is often quite sound. But Arthur is unsure if Merlin, who has been so outspoken against magic in the past, would agree with such loose laws.

But it comes down to this. Arthur cannot in good conscience kill that girl. And he can not have her as an exception. So he changes the law.

Merlin hasn't spent this long in Ealdor since before he left. He finds it quite lonely without Will to cause trouble with.

But he finds he is not ostracized like he was when he was a boy. In fact, more often than not he has to dodge mothers pushing their daughters onto him as prospects.

He is in his mother's house trying bundles of herbs to be dried and taken back to Camelot when his mother rushes in.

She stairs at him for a moment. Eyes wide, something clearly about to spill off her toung.

"Mother?" Merlin says moving closer, " What's wrong what happened? Has goodie meridan gone into labor?"

"Merlin. My boy. We just received news from Camelot. Gaius sent a letter. I....." Her face is flush. She doesn't look scared but Merlins heart drops anyway

"Arthur...." Merlin starts

"He's fine, he's fine" Hunith walks towards her son, cupping his face in her hands.

She laughs. Full belly and full of joy, her hands on his face strong, they almost hurt.

"He repealed the magic ban Merlin. Oh my boy by royal decree"

Merlins knees nearly give out.

"Surely you aren't serious....." Merlin gasps. "Do you have the letter?"

She hands it over and he reads frantically.

My good Hunith.

I write you instead of Merlin for reasons that will become obvious.

I also just request more of that dried lavender you sent last time, it does not smell the same from the north.

How is your neighbor Gregory fairing with his leg? My tonic recipe helped I hope, I would like to hear how it went.

There is news from Camelot. You might have heard, it will make fast news I'm sure.

A girl was brought to court for magic. Hardly 12 summers, she swears she did not train for magic, that it came naturally and she has no control.

Arthur was hesitant to burn her, despite the law, and tasked me with examining her.

I explained my findings, you know my friend how truly common it is to have magic as the girl does. Arthur listened well, and I sent the king off with what recommendations I could.

There are few books left on the subject but he spoke to Geoffrey. I assume he found some enlightened reading.

The next day, his verdict was as follows.

"The law of the land, as set by my Father King Uther, is that magic has no place in Camelot. I quite agree. Magic is dangerous, it has raveged my family.

But I can't help but think these laws might create more enemies. I cannot kill a girl for a crime she did not willingly commit. But I cannot banish her and create an enemy."

The council spoke on formal matters and specifics but Hunith, it is looking well. I feel hope I haven't had in decades.

Arthur has repealed the magic ban, in part. There are specifics to be worked out, and it is unclear if it would apply to Merlin. It certainly wouldn't apply to myself.

I will write again when I have more details.

I wish I could see the boy's face when he hears the news. Give him my love

Gaius

Merlin reads it. Than again. The third time he skims it he is tearing up. Looking desperately for any sign that Gaius tells a lie.

When he finds none, and there is no answer but that Gaius's words are true.

Merlin weeps. He falls to his knees and weeps.

Hunith cradles his head, spilling some tears of her own.

"oh my boy" she says. "What news. I knew Arthur would be a good king." She presses a kiss to her son's head.

Merlin cries, and wonders why he feels more scared than ever.

[abcdefghijkenadee]

I hope everyone who recced me this book has a very paper cut Friday. Not even one trigger warning??

I'll give Hanya Yanagihara her dues, it was exceptionally well written. But that's where it ends.

I've read books about self harm, depression, or suicide that were written with deep empathy. As someone whose life has been touched by this, I can appreciate when it's done with that connection in mind.

This book? Was an intellectual exercise. It was pushing someone (of course it had to be a queer, mixed race, chronically ill, CSA/DV survivor) to a point where taking his life was his only option. She depicts the outcome of him taking his life as somehow inevitable, which everyone eventually comes to terms with. Not even touching on the ripple of grief that comes when someone you loved thought the world would be better without them. I've seen it said, writing something like this was deeply unkind. And I agree.

The author does a disservice to the black men she writes. Why did JB need to be a villain? So jealous and hateful of his friends? Especially when these descriptions are a shell of who he is, since we only get one or two chapters from his perspective. It's really a disservice to all men, as she was quoted saying she prefers to write men because they're less emotionally intelligent.

There were beautiful parts, like the quiet kindness that Malcolm shows Jude through the entire book. Or the grief Jude feels when he can no longer smell Willem or recall his face in perfect detail. Or when Harold realizes the depth of pain he'd be left with if Jude was gone. Or when JB has a catalogue of his life of friendship, the only pieces he has left, as he out lives them all.

But that's it for me. I cannot, in good conscience, recommend this novel.

[god-whispers]

mar 27

wake up sleeper

"now the angel who talked with me came back and wakened me, as a man who is wakened out of his sleep." zech 4:1

i watched an interesting video recently.  it was about how the church was asleep, mostly here in the western world but in various areas all over.  if christian persecution hasn't yet touched you, be forewarned, it is fast approaching.  i heard someone describe it as a "satanic sleep" many are in.  that really spoke to my spirit.

the following might help us understand how asleep some are.  it seems there was a young christian woman who had escaped to america from the persecution in iran.  after a while here, amid the complacency and watered-down word, she was wanting to return to her own country and the persecution.  she could see her values and commitment being slowly eaten away and knew the sharp sword of persecution would keep her centered; dependent on every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.

i can see the compromise she spoke of myself; alive and flourishing in so many churches.  besides that, we get so caught up in our rules and doctrines.  you have to do this and you have to do that and be sure no woman is speaking or teaching.  it's funny how God is using women in various ways throughout the world.  i keep coming back to this one thing - the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.  certainly there are some truths christians can't deny and still be christian, but all the rest is awaiting Christ's full disclosure.  for now, we see and know through a glass darkly.

some ministries now are having demands made that they give over their list of donors.  it's not just the leaders they want.  they want you us as well.  the point being; persecution is coming and none will be exempt.  will you be asleep or awake when it comes to your door?  are you prayed up, filled up, committed up and loved up.  that's all that will get us taken up.

i am taken back to a tortured saint of God.  "it was strictly forbidden to preach to other prisoners.  it was understood that whoever was caught doing this received a severe beating.  a number of us decided to pay the price for the privilege of preaching, so we accepted their [the communists'] terms.  it was a deal; we preached and they beat us.  we were happy preaching.  they were happy beating us, so everyone was happy." ― richard wurmbrand, tortured for christ

jim elliot once said (himself being a martyr for Christ), "he is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain that which he cannot lose."  no, we can never keep this temporary existence, as sure as we can never lose the grace God so freely offers.

oh that i could ever get you hungry for God.  as ramadan has now commenced, i think of my muslim friends.  many muslims tend to be such god-seeking people, so given to prayer, so god-conscience, but they are looking for God in all the wrong places.  we as christians are the stewards of the true message.  the gospel is the power of God for salvation.  i truly believe that.  i love my friends too much to confess otherwise.  Jesus loves them enough to have me say it, all the while knowing it may alienate some.

i would you would desire Him more than a drowning man gasps for that last breath.  i think of the sons of korah as they penned these words in their never ending quest for more of God.  "as the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, o God." psa 42:1  this is the passion our Lord wants to share with each and everyone but we must pursue it endlessly, relentlessly.  it is the treasure we seek and the ecstasy we desire.  i have always loved the book, "the pursuit of God," by a.w. tozer.  i recommend it to every hungry heart.

there are depths and truths to discover and walk in; glories unimaginable.  a dear friend recently wrote me that they could never go back to the mundane milk now they have tasted the meat.  milk is good.  it serves a purpose.  it gently nourishes a newborn even as a mother bird feeds the hatchlings in her nest.  but, "everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe.  but solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil." heb 5:13-14  we want be good soldiers for Christ and that means growing up; going from baby food to solid.

do you remember the commercial, where's the beef?  they could barely find the meat on their sandwich.  i've got news, all the beef (meatier truths) can only be found in the auspices of God, accessed only through the blood of Jesus and patient pursuit.  if one searches the scriptures diligently, they will find the beef, and finding it, they too will never want to go back to milk again.

[mad-who-ra]

Dagger and Arrows (4)

Part 1    Part 2     Part 3

You will see more of Bheem, but here’s a glimpse of him

Ram x Wife!Reader

Word count : 902

“Y/N, this is Akhtar.” 

Y/N heard her husband’s voice and closed the book that she was reading. One of the good things about Ram knowing the truth was she could now read freely and when he was around, instead of busying herself in household chores. Sometimes, Ram would even strike up a conversation about the book that she was reading, or even recommend her one. Since, no one really knew she could read and write, she could never talk about books with anyone. So, it was pretty nice, she had decided.

When she looked up, she saw a man a man with the softest eyes and kindest smiles she had ever seen. That brought a smile to her face as well. She stood up from where she was sitting on the floor.

“Akhtar, this is Y/N, my wife.”

“Bhabhi, it’s so good to meet you. Anna always talks about you.” Akhtar smiled.

“I am sure he does.” Y/N looked at Ram, amused. He rolled his eyes and that made her smile. She turned back to Akhtar.

“So, you are the man I keep spotting my husband around the town on a motorcycle with.” She said, in a light tone and watched Akhtar grin nervously.

“I am just helping Anna-” He started.

“Can you drive well?” She asked, narrowing her eyes. 

“Yes, of course. I would never-” He said, very flustered. That made her smile.

“Stop scaring him.” Ram said, looking amused for once. 

Akhtar stopped talking, looking between the both of them.

“It’s okay. I was only teasing you.” She laughed, “sit, I will get you some water.”

He immediately relaxed and smiled.

“Also bhabhi, can you get me something to eat? It smells delicious in here.” He asked.

“I will get you some.” She chuckled, walking into the kitchen. 

Adorable, Akhtar was adorable.

 She had only filled the glass of water when she felt a presence behind her.

“You need to stop sneaking up on me like this. I will stab you someday.” She said, without looking back.

“Did you find any leads?” Ram asked. She turned around to look at him. He leaned against the counter, with his arms crossed. 

“Not yet, but I am working on it.” She sighed.

“Y/N, this is important.”

“I know. But you have not told me anything ab-”

“Because you don’t need to know anything else.”

“But if you tell me why you are looking for this man or what has he done-”

“You know everything you need to know, to find him.” He repeated.

“If we are working together, you better start treating me like an equal, Ram. I am not working for you.” She clenched her jaw. 

Ram sighed.

“He is a rebel.” He said, finally.

Yeah, she doubted as much. If it was a mission of the empire, of course he was a rebel.

“So, I am basically helping you arrest an innocent man?” She asked. Even if she had guessed it was a rebel, knowing it for sure was definitely worse.

“No.” Ram said, “I will not arrest him. I need information from him. And trust me, it is for his own good.”

She rolled her eyes.

“I cannot really trust your judgement on what is for the good of the people of this country, Ram.”

“Look at it this way. If I don’t find him, he would probably get himself killed.” Ram tried.

No, this was stupid. She should have never agreed to help him. This was going to weigh on her conscience for the rest of the eternity.

“And we made a deal.” He said. 

Of course he was going to remind her of the deal. They had made a deal, and now she was going to pay the price for her survival. 

“Do you promise not to kill him?” She asked, halfhearted. 

“Yes.” Ram said, without thinking twice.

“You won’t hand him over to the government?”

“I just need information from him.” He said.

“I suppose you won’t tell me what for?” She tried.

Ram stared at her silently.

“Yeah, I thought so.”

“It’s better if you don’t know.” He said, in a small voice.

She agreed. It was definitely better if she didn’t know. Ignorance was bliss in this case. They knew they were on the opposite sides of the war. It was not a surprise. This temporary alliance did not mean either of them had changed their ways.

“You are probably right.” She sighed, turning to put some rice into a plate for Akhtar.

“He is going to need more than that.” Ram said.

“Then take the Kadhai to him. And you can arrange your own lunch.” She smiled, handing him the pot.

“I ate.” Ram said.

“Having chai on the side of the street is not lunch, Ram. We have talked about this.” Y/N glared at him.

He rolled his eyes, “What about you?”

“What about me?” She asked, confused.

“Did you eat?”

“Look at you, being all worried about my well being.” She teased. 

She giggled when he glared at her.

“I will eat something when I go to the bazaar.”

He nodded.

“I will be home late.” 

“Okay?” She said, confused. He never told her when he will be home or when he will leave.

“I am going to take this to Akhtar before he starts eating my books.” Ram said, after a moment.

“Yeah, okay.”

...

Tagging some lovelies @juhiiiiii @manwalaage @maraudersfansassemble @gauri-vishalakshi @lil-stark @rambheem-is-real @darlingletshurttonight @seherie @how-is-it-in-london @itsfookingloosah @redirection04 @irisesforyoureyes @sinistergooseberries @cainiyor @idk528 @zaddylokiandthorsimp @bromance-minus-the-b @contemporarykafka @hissterical-nyaan @ramayantika @obsessedtoafault @sivuda @chaanv @adrakchutneyofficial @reallythoughtfulwizard @phoenix666stuff @nerdreader

Did i forget anyone?

[captain-lovelace]

ive been on the fence about reading the dresden files bc i LOVE the author's writing style from snippets ive read but i heard it was hashtag problematic. if i promise im someone with critical thinking skills would you tell me whether or not the series is worth it

soooo... first off I cannot in good conscience say that anyone should read the Dresden Files because it's not just like, hashtag problematic, it's the kind of thing where every book requires a list of TWs as long as my arm. There's misogyny! There's repeated mishandling of sexual violence! There's homophobia! There's racism (and specifically the treatment of Native people and cultures is absolutely hair-raisingly bad)! There's antisemitism! There's the absolutely nauseating way in which Jim Butcher describes a 17-year-old girl! It's the series that has it all!

The thing about the Dresden Files is that it frustrates the hell out of me, because it's so often bad, but when it's good there's nothing else quite like it. I have never felt the same level of sheer joy that I felt watching Harry ride SUE the T. rex through downtown Chicago for the first time with anything else, ever. I'd say that it was worth it for me, with a bunch of caveats (there are some books and short stories I just avoid rereading because they make me feel so sick, I know that certain factors like the racism and antisemitism don't affect me as bad as they might affect others and that's a mark of privilege in and of itself, I don't interact with other facets of the fandom outside of tumblr due to some incredibly negative backlash I got when I chose to portray Harry as bisexual in a fanfiction, and depending on what happens in upcoming books I'm very much prepared to jump ship).

My view on the series basically boils down to... I can't stop you from reading it but I also really can't recommend it with a clear conscience. That said, if you do decide that you want to read it, I'm willing to answer further questions/provide said TW lists via DMs. I hope this helps, anon!

[hislittleflower-throughconcrete]

I hope your silent retreat is awesome! Do you have any recommended resources for doing Lent when you struggle with scrupulosity, especially around food/disordered eating?

I knew this would be a long answer, so I'm sorry for waiting this long to respond, I just needed to set time aside for it.

I'm going to get on my soapbox for a moment and say we desperately need more resources across the board for scrupulous Catholics. In a Catholic bookstore, 95% have a theme of "improve this virtue! root out this vice! clean up your act, become more faithful!" Now these things are good! But they specifically have a target audience of a normal to lax conscience. Now consider the fact that someone purchasing devoutly Catholic literature in the first place has a vastly higher percentage probability of being scrupulous. The result of this is that the scrupulous Catholic who purchases these books rarely if ever recognizes that these resources are not helping them grow in holiness - they are just feeding the scrupulosity, which they think is holiness. Which is incidentally what I have done my whole life until a few years ago.

Okay, rant done. But I wanted to say that because no, I cannot think of specific resources for Lent when you struggle with scrupulosity. I can recommend a few books about scrupulosity in general, and I can give my own advice. The gold standard book for scruples is Understanding Scrupulosity Thomas Santa, CSsR. He really breaks down what scrupulosity is and how to overcome it. Another book which is on my wishlist but that I haven't read is Scruples and Sainthood: Overcoming Scrupulosity with the Help of the Saints. Colleen Carroll Campbell has a new book I am listening to called The Heart of Perfection and it is really good. Also, if you google "Catholic Scrupulosity" there are a bunch of articles that discuss it that I have found helpful.

The biggest help by far, more than any of these combined, is St. Therese. Literally anything St. Therese! She HAD scrupulosity, and her spirituality she developed was her antidote to it. 33 days to Merciful Love, The Little Way of Lent, and reading St. Therese's own writings on scrupulosity have helped me heal so much and have reoriented how I traverse my spiritual life during Lent (and all seasons).

For food issues specifically, again, there is really nothing. I have had an eating disorder since age 15 that has taken many twists and turns, including a 5 month hospitalization, so believe me, I have looked. There is one (TINY) book called Weightless by Kate Wicker, a Catholic woman who tells her story of recovering from an eating disorder, but I found it unhelpful because she came to love her body when she became a mother, which wasn't something I identified with as a single woman. I also read Cravings: A Catholic Wrestles with Food, Self-Image, and God but I found it to be very spiritually shallow. The Catholic Table: Finding Joy Where Food and Faith Meet by Emily Stimpson Chapman is one that has good reviews but I have not read it. I know she had an eating disorder at one point, but the focus of the book is relationship between food and God I think.

Now for my advice: Get a spiritual director who you trust, who you like, and who understands scrupulosity. They will be the best thing to help you navigate the spiritual life with scruples. For food during Lent, my spiritual director said that those who have disordered eating are exempt from fasting and abstinence from food, and can instead fast from other things like TV. I know you're scrupulous so you're probably doubting me, but ask any priest you trust! Allowing myself to observe the fasting in Lent in non-traditional ways has really helped me not see Lent as a time to engage in damaging food behaviors or reignite my disorder. Finally, remember - fasting is a spiritual practice to help us detach from earthy things. The only reason the Church has historically fasted/abstained from food is that it is our most basic human desire and literally everyone eats! So it is not fasting from food that makes the devotion special. You fasting from other things during Lent is not less than others or going against the Church. God wants us to draw near to Him through fasting, and with disordered eating, you will be focused on the food behavior, not God.

I hope some or any of this helped! I pray you have a peaceful Lent.

[tiktaalic]

been watching game of thrones for the first time purely as a book reader and just finished Jaime death scene and um.

What. (YELLS) why would he do that when Brienne!! Brienne literally augh. Best character of all time and instead Cersei who is girl boss yes but not Brienne my beloved.

speaking to you as a braime comprehender who has Really Good Opinions and is partially why I decided to watch the show. What and also why.

This is honestly just me throwing bait at you and wanting to hear you yell about it bc I know you will say something that will be so quotable in my brain when inevitable rewatch reread. Thanks

oh no. i cannot in good conscience recommend the show when the jb supercut exists sorry you had to see that (game of thrones). its. ive said it a zousand times ill say it again. if i had a nickel. for every blue eyed saint green eyed slut slowburn that i consumed in high school. that i dropped off of keeping up with until the final season aired. and said green eyed slut/blue eyed saint slowburn finally addressed things. while a mix of their two themes plays. and then character development for green eyed slut gets shot in the foot breaking them up from the slowburn love of their life. and they die the stupidest death of all time and also their sibling is there while blue eyed saint is nowhere to be seen. and in between The Episode where they get together and the finale fans are doing desperate Here's How X Can Still Win chess in an objectively (OBJECTIVELY!) down to earth plausible manner only for what happens to happen. and the actor for the green eyed slut who has years of interviews talking about how a quick meaningless death scene would cheapen their character's ending. started talking about how meaningful and moving and fitting the quick meaningless death scene was. well i'd have two nickels but it's weird it happened twice.

[hellenic-reconstructionism]

I can not in good conscience recommend any of Mary Beard's writings.

Mary Beard may be known to most of you all as a well-known author of Classics books.

She tweeted antiBlack comments about Haiti and posted a white woman tears selfie when she rightfully received backlash.

Now, Mary Beard has induced dogpiling on a Classicist with a considerably smaller following for pointing out that she follows multiple TERFs. One need not follow and therefore boost the engagements of reactionaries in order to learn from them.

That said, it seems she may be an ally to transphobes anyway: in the ensuing days, she has not stated even the most general of statements in support of trans rights, instead retweeting TERFs defending her and gaining transphobic followers.

No matter what outreach work she does, I cannot regard her as a good scholar with her repeated ignorance and doubling down. People like her make the field unsafe for myself and people like me.

[bookaddict24-7]

I said at the beginning of the year that I would share my reviews more on my blog instead of just on Instagram and Goodreads. I’ve been reading a lot so far this year, so my reviews will be delayed on here. I upped it to 10 reviews per post so I can do most of the reviews before the end of the year!

Friend me on Goodreads here to read my reviews in real-time!

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156. The Prisoner of Cell 25 by Richard Paul Evans--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was craving a re-read of this because I never finished the series and I loved it just as much as the first time! I'm always recommending this series to fans of the I Am Number Four readers, and anyone who loves books that feature a ragtag group of teens fighting the evil corporation (plus, they have powers and travel around the world.) Such a great re-read!

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157. House of Hollow by Krystal Sutherland--⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

While I enjoyed this book, I think it was a little TOO hyped up for me. I'm part of a book club and everyone loved it and ya'll know how I am with expectations (if you've been reading my reviews for a while). I think I expected a higher level of WTF, but it was still entertaining for what it was! I enjoyed seeing the relationship between the sisters, despite their mother being hesitant about them seeing each other. The mystery was intriguing and definitely worthy of being a Reddit mystery (as referenced in the book.) I was left with a few questions about why they can do the things they do, and I think a lot of it is left for the reader's imagination. I think this could even have the potential for a sequel, since the world introduced and the multitude of characters and experiences could be expanded. It also gave me really strong Wayward Children vibes (especially with one of the items mentioned). I'd recommend this to anyone who wants a spoopy read with a super atmospheric setting. If you want a conclusion that will leave you wondering wtf did I just read? This one is the one for you!

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158. A Dash of Trouble by Anna Meriano--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was so adorable! I've been meaning to check it out for a while, so when I saw that the library had the audiobook, I immediately borrowed it. I loved reading about brujeria from the perspective of a younger character and also in a more whimsical storyline. I'm really intrigued by the siblings concept and kind of want to follow this series until the MC is 15 so we can finally learn what her specialty is! There's a scene at the end between the MC and her mom that was the cutest thing ever and reminded me of my mom and me whenever I was in trouble and I did the whole, "I love you, mami" thing. I also appreciated that the MC knew that what she was doing wasn't exactly right and her conscience was quietly warning her of the fact. If you want to read a cute story about brujeria and practice your Spanish, you should pick this up! I was so happy and excited to hear the voice actress speaking in Spanish as she read out recipe lists and other dialogues. Though I was thrown off a bit with how she pronounced azucar.

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159. Honey So Sweet Vol. 2 by Amu Meguro--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was a cute volume with how the two MCs are growing closer—I do think one thing was done rather quickly, but I’m also glad it was dwelled on. I can already see a love rival coming and the first hurdle this young couple will have to overcome! Can’t wait to pick up the next volume!

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160. I Cannot Reach You Vol. 1 by Mika--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

SO GOOD. Omg. These two. And when the author started showing us both perspectives?? Dead. Those short bonus stories at the end? Ridiculously adorable and sweet. I just...I need the second volume. I can already tell this is going to be a slow burn that destroys me. Also that cover art and the cover art for the second volume 😍

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161. The Hostile Hospital by Lemony Snicket--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ah, the plot thickens! Knowing some of the things we know from this book, the next book in the series should be interesting. I feel really bad for these kids. Not only do they have a murderous jerk after them, but now the world believes a lie about them and no matter how much they explain themselves, no one believes them. It just shows an interesting perspective of how kids might view the adult world around them.

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162. The Deal by Elle Kennedy--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Wow, it’s been six years since I read this book! I enjoyed it for the most part—there were just a few instances that either showed this book’s age, or showed how important communication would have been. I’m doing this re-read because I recently purchased the whole series and want to actually finish it (the nostalgia hit me hard in April.) Will be starting the sequel in June!

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163. Komi Can’t Communicate Vol. 11 by Tomohito Oda--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This slow burn!!!! I love the cute scene at the beginning because it clearly shows that others see what’s happening, but these two are just being adorable and unaware. I always laugh when I’m reading this series because it’s either really silly, or really freaking cute.

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164. The Way of the House husband Vol. 1 by Kousuke Oono & Sheldon Drzka  --

This was such a fun read and so different from other mangas I’ve read! This was more a collection of events per chapter rather than one linear story. The art was alright in some scenes, but the dialogue was great and funny. Also, the househusband is lowkey kind of fine af, so that was fun—especially the opening panels.

___

165. White Night by Jim Butcher--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was always told, before starting this series, that it got better as the series progressed and wow...they were right! I’m really enjoying this series and so happy I kept going past the slightly awkward first few books. I loved some of the twists and the moments between Harry and a side character I can’t mention because spoilers. I also just want these two characters to just...smooch. Ugh. Slow af burn, I tell you. Anyway, this was great and there were some pretty cool scenes where Harry just sounded like a complete badass.

___

Have you read any of these titles? Would you recommend them? 

___

Happy reading!

[o-daintyduck]

Serious literary critique entails more than finding Youtube videos that echo your assumptions about a book you didn't finish. This is not AO3; novels don't come with trigger warnings. You do a great disservice to social justice by using it to shield yourself from discomfort. Actual gay men are more than the anodyne fantasies conjured up in Wattpad fanfictions and YA novels. If you want to deem all challenging fiction "problematic" and label authors guilty by association, be my guest; stick to your self-published pablum.

The thing is, first of all, literary critique was never meant to be MY takeaway from this book. This was already a critically acclaimed mammoth of an undertaking that reaped rewards all across the board, so recommended and liked that I wasn't sure if I could add something to the discourse. I didn't think it was going to be a classic novel(for me) prior to reading and absolutely don't now that I haven't managed to finish. Be happy with the book you love and stop sending obnoxious anonymous messages to people on the internet . Doling out your immense literary expertise on tumblr of all places isn't it, anon.

My half-hearted dunking on a book that I didn't finish has absolutely no bearings on the immense success it has already had over the years. No one is going to say oh this piece of fiction has lost its sheen due to few bad reviews on the internet. Now, I could say that I find all the praise bonkers and meaningless, but it would be my opinion. That's just it, man, myself expressing my opinion on my personal blog on an obsolete website to my 3 followers. But it brought you to me, so I guess I have bigger reach than I thought lol and you make a lot of assumptions about people you've never interacted with.

I don't believe individual experiences should be guillotined to make way for mass appeal- especially when engaging with fiction that falls into the bildungsroman category. Since reading is a very personal activity, it can wrench out varying degrees of emotional responses out of people based on their OWN personal experiences, circumstances, temperaments and conditioning. Talk about heightened emotion on top of brilliantly immersive writing. Not everyone gets off on it.

The way I felt at 10% into the book was Not Good in terms of mental health portrayal, disability, or even good literature. I'll admit that I opted out before I could reach the quote unquote Challenging bits in the book, but see I didn't need to. I don't have the social privilege to view suffering as a means of self-validation or a foray into self-discovery, especially when said suffering is deliberately called upon by the author to make me feel that way not by virtue of good storytelling; but harrowing, factitious, unnecessarily detailed, metaphorical freight train overloaded with trauma. I'd rather read memoirs by actual, living, breathing trauma survivors than a non-researched fiction book that relies on squeezing emotion out of me by way of making me cry. I see people saying things like,"That's the point of it all!" Well that could very well be the front view of a blunt knife, in which case, no thanks.

I was genuinely gutted because the writing was elegantly simple, prose was pretty and I can see why this book is praised as it is for that only. I liked the four friends from the start and different points of view allow for spacious fleshing out of the characters, I do hope it stayed that way for the rest of the book. But I cannot, in good conscience, get behind the things that happen, their characterisations, what they do to others and themselves to move the plot forward. It's very harmful to say the least.

Honestly, if TV and film can have content warnings for decades so can books. They don't really reduce the element of surprise, but give the consumer time to evaluate their well being. Which is extremely important for vulnerable readers goddamit!

Contrasting the topic of reading real trauma, and Discomfort as anon put it, with AO3 and fanfic is so laughable. Just because a book is published- doesn't give it more merit, I'd say that makes it all the more responsible for featuring appropriately researched content. But, oh well, the author doesn't believe in that. People are welcome to defend fanfic (that's all we seem to do anyway) bc I truly do not have the strength to defend my non-existent half-opinion about a book AS WELL AS quench anon's thirst for waging some sort of holy war against transformative works on behalf of Real Published Books. I'm so tired y'all

Lastly- yes, actual gay men are more than the anodyne fantasies conjured up in fanfic and ya. Actual gay men are also more than prettily broken, therapy disregarding, enabling, emotionally repressed, two-dimensional balls of pain and sorrow

[thetomorrowshow]

Slower Than Words Ch. 22

First  -  Previous  -  Next

Hey all! It’s good to be back! The break was much-needed, but I’ve missed interacting with y’all. Have a relatively calm chapter!

cw: food

~

Weeks passed, and Patton realized that lip-reading was harder than he thought it would be. Patton practiced every single day, studying the diagrams in the book and taking down notes on everything. Remus had at first practiced with him by saying a phrase and having Patton guess, but they had quickly realized that it was too advanced at this stage. Now, Remus held up a notecard with a phrase or word and said it. After going through five different different notecards, Remus would start over again without displaying the notecards. This helped Patton grasp it much quicker, and he had advanced to picking up several words that his therapists spoke in everyday conversation.

Sometimes, when he felt really excited, Patton would mimic the diagrams in the mirror, making the mouth movements for his own name, Remus's name, and Virgil's name. He already knew what his own name looked like, he found—he'd been unknowingly able to recognize it for years.

Patton always had the same translator at his doctor and therapy appointments, so he asked her a few questions about lip-reading and speaking. The woman was able to answer, usually, but there was rarely any time to get into a conversation. The woman did recommend some online resources and teachers for learning to speak, which Patton passed along to Remus. Patton didn't really understand the whole online thing yet. Virgil had tried to explain it several times, but it didn't make a lot of sense. Where did all of the information come from? Who put it there, ready for everyone to use? How was it usable?

Patton had learned how to use the internet in basic terms. He knew how to look for something in specific on Google, and he knew that Youtube was a thing because Remus liked showing him videos from it. Youtube had captions, unlike the television. Patton had found himself watching a lot of comedy videos, sometimes writing down the best jokes from them. He had a cheap blue notebook that he wrote the jokes and his notes in, and he kept it under his bed, like he used to do with his journal back ho—back at the cult.

Patton had researched the cult briefly on the internet, but had quickly become upset at seeing his own face on the cover of one of the articles that popped up. He'd closed it after seeing that several of the scientists, as well as the two prophets, were facing legal charges. That was all he'd needed to know.

Well, not really all. He'd been looking for any mention of Virgil. The one he'd read had mentioned him briefly, if not by name, and was now written in Patton's notebook: Investigations began after the appearance of two young men, both of whom required immediate medical care.

One was Remus. The other had to be Virgil. That meant Virgil was alive somewhere. Patton wondered if Virgil too was reading the articles, seeing that Patton was out, wondering how to find him.

Gosh, Patton missed him.

Right now, Patton was following along with a video on tongue movements for forming different letters. He wasn't sure that he was getting the S quite right, he'd have to ask Remus later. He took a few more notes on how to do it, then folded his notebook closed and took Father's laptop off incognito. Remus had taught him how to turn on and off incognito mode with a little wink, and now Patton used it almost every time he was on the laptop, which was only while Father was at his second job. For some reason, Patton felt that he wouldn't be allowed to do this.

He was just in time out of Father's room for Remus to get home from work, shooting him a fingergun (Virgil used to do those all the time) before throwing himself onto the couch. Patton longed to shake his shoulder, ask him for help practicing, but Remus was always tired right after work. Patton wasn't sure what he did, only that he was trying to find something else that paid better, so sometimes he would be out for hours after he was supposed to be home looking for a new job.

Patton slid into his room, flicking the light switch to turn it off. He rarely sat in his room with the light on, it made him uncomfortable. It almost felt as though someone was watching, though he knew that it was just a response developed from a traumatic situation, as his therapist had told him.

He'd barely been in his room for thirty seconds when Remus wandered in. He gestured to his mouth, and Patton watched carefully as he spoke.

“You - - - - to eat pr - - - - -.”

“One more time?” Patton signed. Remus repeated himself, but Patton still didn't pick it all up, so he asked Remus to sign it.

“You need to eat protein,” Remus signed slowly. “Diet time.”

Patton wasn't particularly hungry, but a part of regaining his body mass and retraining his body to eat normally was eating six or seven small, 'enriching' meals instead of three big ones. Remus was right, Patton realized as he checked the clock—it was time for his protein supplement, a meal usually made up of beef jerky and peanuts. Yay.

-

The weeks turned into months, and Remus decided that it was time for Patton to get some real world practice. Sure, he'd been going to therapy and all, but those folks rarely talked to him. It was time to play to Logan's weaknesses.

He brought it up over dinner one night, when Patton had already gone to bed. It rubbed him the wrong way that Logan sent him to bed instead of letting him stay up and talk to his pops, who had only been home for ten minutes. Sure, Pat had a schedule or whatever, and he had to follow it to stay healthy, but it should be his own decision. Still, there was nothing Remus could do about it. Except maybe this.

“So, when's your next day off?”

Logan shrugged. “I believe I have the morning of next Wednesday off, but that's all for next week. Why?”

Remus twirled his fork through the cheap macaroni and cheese, pretending to not be too interested in the outcome. “Just thinkin'. Pat's almost out of books again, we should probably make a trip to the library.”

Logan smiled softly at the suggestion—or maybe at Patton's name. There was no telling with the man.

“And his therapist's been saying he needs to go to a new place for enrichment or something like that. Wouldn't—”

Logan's face had already shuttered. “Absolutely out of the question. I cannot—”

“Lo, he really wants to,” Remus pleaded, letting his fork fall to the table. “He's gotta get out of this house. And what better place than a quiet library, where it's easy to watch him and sometimes there's a cop hanging out?”

“Remus, I—I can't,” Logan said, his face still stone, but now his eyes had grown sad. “I cannot, in good conscience, allow Patton to be in an unsafe environment. If I lost him again. . . .”

“You won't,” Remus cajoled. “I'll come too, watch him be safe. Just imagine how much he'll love it! Father-son bonding and all that crap!”

Logan looked down at his plate, clearly thinking deeply. Remus could almost see him weighing the options in his head. Internally, his heart rabbited, but externally Remus was the picture of calm. Hopefully. Maybe. He was probably not, but he could dream.

“I'll consider it,” Logan said eventually. “You are correct in assuming that the library is a place I would very much like to share with him. Tomorrow after tutoring Andy I will stop at the library and inquire after safety precautions. By Monday, I will have my decision.”

Remus leaned back, picking his fork up again. That was as close as he was going to get Logan tonight. If he continued to push it, Logan would completely shut down the conversation and then there'd be no chance of getting Pat out of the apartment.

They'd been watching a stupid black-and-white movie a week or three ago, and one of the characters had said a line that Patton had obviously related to. Remus had looked over to see tears brimming after the old man on screen said, “I thought I was supposed to be getting fresh air. So far, I've been in a train and a room, and a car and a room, and a room and a room.”

That probably really sucked for Patton. Remus went stir-crazy in this tiny apartment, and he was able to leave whenever he wanted. Patton left three times a week, and went straight to his appointments and then straight home. One of his doctors had actually just switched over to doing virtual appointments, so Pat was only leaving twice a week now. Kid had to be going insane.

-

Patton felt a bit like he was going insane.

He marked a tally in his notebook every day, one for each day that he had been out without Virgil. It sort of was a continuation of his tallies in the cell, but he couldn't remember where he had left off, so he had just started anew.

He had just filled a second page of tally marks. It had been months since he'd escaped, even longer since he'd seen Virgil. Every time Remus tried to tell him that everything was going to be okay, or Father told him that everything was okay, Patton felt anger simmer in his stomach. It was not okay, it couldn't be okay, it would never be okay without Virgil. Even if he had to be trapped in this horrible apartment for years, it would be wonderful with Virgil by his side.

Every day, he followed the same schedule. Therapy exercises, meals at precise times, lip-reading studies, regular reading, bed at ten PM. It was terrible.

He couldn't help but feel excited, though. He was leaving, at least for a little bit! Father had asked him if he wanted to go to the library with him tomorrow, and Patton had thought his heart was going to drop out of his chest. Both Father and Virgil had told him about libraries, and how beautiful they were, and how many books were always there.

Patton was finally going to a new place, and it was the library. All of the anger he'd been feeling over the past weeks had washed away, replaced only with anticipation. Even with Father there, this had to be the best thing to happen in months.

~

Taglist: @enragedbees @gotta-love-alejandra @bunny222 @basiic-emo @patt0n-sanders @rosiepupper @fangirlgeekandfreak @dn-fan21 @that2000skid @remy-the-lemon-berry @itsadastraperaspera @xionbean @sanderssides-angst @hell-yea-we-gay-tonight @maybedefinitely404 @broken-pencils @thewhimsicallibrarytech @doomllily @hereissananxiousmess @judyismydog  @arodynamic-enby @at-that-one-nerd @therapysides @awkwardandanxiousfander @thekitchenpan @im-an-anxious-wreck

[putschki1969]

My Experience with Japanese Online Shops, International Shipping and Proxy Services

In the last few months I have ordered from many different Japanese online stores and I have made use of a bunch of new international shipping and proxy services so I thought it would be a good idea to sum up my experiences and write a little review so everyone knows what to expect. Without further ado, let’s get to it.

Content

tenso

Buyee

WorldShopping

HMV International Shipping

CDJapan

Amazon.co.jp

1. tenso.com

A staple for everyone who wants to register for various Japanese services (e.g. fan clubs, streaming platforms, etc) or enjoys shopping in Japanese online shops. It cannot be said often or loud enough how indispensable tenso is for fans of anything Japanese, their service is a true lifesaver! The H-el-ical// Online store even recommends using them! These days many Japanese sites accept foreign payment methods but one thing that’s still almost always required is a Japanese address. And that’s where tenso comes in. They will provide you for free with a Japanese address and phone number which you can use to register on almost any site. You can have your fan club stuff and purchased items sent to that address (the tenso warehouse) and they will then ship it to you. There are not a whole lot of shipping options available but that’s fine. Air Mail is definitely their best offer but if your package is too big you will end up having to choose EMS (which is quite pricey but typically very fast - not during the pandemic tho, at least not for Austria). A big advantage is the possibility to edit the package description. You can lower the value of your items to avoid import taxes and custom fees in your country. Please note that tenso does require an identity verification which might act as a deterrent but I can assure you, they are totally trust-worthy and reliable. I get a LOT of use out of them. Of course I have all my FC related stuff sent to their warehouse but tenso also came in handy for my orders on Tower Records Online, Animate Online and the Universal Shop/H-el-ical Shop/mu-mo Shop.

※ With the exception of the Universal Shop, I was able to pay at all the above mentioned stores with my foreign VISA.

2. Buyee

Another staple and the very first proxy service I ever used. You will need them in all those places that do not accept foreign payment methods (there are still too many out there unfortunately). Their customer service is impeccable and I have never had issues with them. They have gone as far as to contact Japanese stores on my behalf even though it is not part of their usual service. They offer a very wide range of features and shipping options, their service fees are also not too high (although I will admit that they have slightly increased throughout the years). They operate on so many different Japanese online shops, it’s rare to find a big store that does not collaborate with them. Also, if you want to thrift Kalafina related items, THIS is your go-to service. Be it Yahoo Auctions, Mercari or Suruga-ya, you can use Buyee on all those sites. They even have their own English user-interface for some of the major Japanese online stores and you can take advantage of their browser add-on which makes shopping a lot easier. The only downside is that they will not allow edits to the package value so if you live in a bureaucratic country like myself with very strict tax and custom regulations, you will have to make sure to send your packages wisely or just expect to pay quite a lot of fees. This time I used them to order my Wakana cover album copies from Rakuten Books (I REALLY wanted their tokuten). Since Buyee offers the biggest variety of shipping options, I got these copies before anything else, they were here super fast.

※ It’s funny how I am able to register my credit card for Rakuten Pay in order to purchase music on mora.jp but I cannot use that very same credit card to actually buy stuff on Rakuten.

3. WorldShopping

A fairly new service as far as I know but it seems like they are quickly expanding and trying to give Buyee a run for their money. Their banner has been popping up on almost all Japanese sites I have visited in the past few months but up until recently I wasn’t really feeling like trying a new service (I am always hesitant when it comes to new stuff). At least until I found myself in dire need of the Sofmap store specific tokuten for Wakana’s cover album XD. Unfortunately Sofmap does not accept foreign payment methods and Buyee also does not operate on their site so I took a leap of faith and made my purchase through WorldShopping since their banner looked so inviting. It was surprisingly straighforward since they are providing their own interface on the Japanese sites. I didn’t even have to go to the WorldShopping main page to register or anything before using the service. Their fees are acceptable but not exactly low. I was a little wary because I didn’t have a proper account but they did provide a link in the initial email where I could more or less keep track of everything. It took VERY long for my purchased item to be registered at their warehouse (for tenso and Buyee it takes around 1 day) and I didn’t get a notification email that it had arrived so those are not the best aspects of their service. The only shipping method they seem to offer is EMS (which again, is very pricey). Anyways, at the end of the day, my package arrived unscathed in Austria (including the tokuten) so I am a happy camper. While I will probably not be using their service regularly in the future I can still recommend WorldShopping to you with a clear conscience. But please keep in mind to check your status link regularly!

※ Please note that the WorldShipping interface in Japanese online shops overrides the site’s very own purchasing option so if you want to make an order using your own account with your tenso address and a domestic shipping method (let’s say in the mu-mo shop for example) you will have to deactive all WorldShopping services on the page.

4. HMV & BOOKS Online International Shipping

Another first for me. I had no idea they offered international shipping so when I saw the little button on KEIKO’s Lantana page, I couldn’t resist. Since Amazon.co.jp is no longer an option for me, I was desperate to find other stores that offered international shipping and tokutens. Unfortunately, their international shipping service is not a very good replacement for Amazon.co.jp since it takes VERY long. I registered as a guest and made my order without any trouble. I expected them to ship the item on the release day (or the day prior) but that was not the case. I am almost entirely sure that they use a “hidden” proxy service but still promote it as direct shipping. Which is why the process is taking so long. I think it wasn’t until the fifth day after the release date that I finally received the shipping confirmation. Also, don’t get thrown off by weird phrasing in their e-mails. They kept saying that they had shipped “the first part of my order” when in fact there was only one part. Since they only offered EMS as shipping option it once again took quite a while for the package to get to me even though the shipping fee was very high (please note that EMS is typically very fast but as I mentioned earlier, COVID-19 has changed everything). Overall, I can’t really complain about their service, if you are willing to wait a while, HMV International Shipping is definitely worth a try. HMV always have some of the best tokutens so be sure to check it out.

※ I originally tried to register properly but that turned out to be quite complicated so I recommend registering as a guest just like I did.

5. CDJapan

The first site I ever used to order Kalafina-items. I have never had issues with them. They are very reliable and of course the best thing is that they ship directly to your country. However, these days I hardly ever shop at CDJapan anymore because they rarely have tokutens. Also, items you purchase on their site will not be calculated into the daily and weekly sales data for Oricon music charts so that sucks. As you know, I want to support my girls as best as possible (and that means contributing to their chart numbers). Sometimes CDJapan do offer tokutens so they are definitely a viable option for foreign fans. They have lots of payment and shipping methods to choose from and typically their packages arrive very quickly. I bought Hikaru’s RE of “disclose” (only the LE came with tokutens) and one of my “Lantana” copies (CDJapan did in fact have a tokuten for that. YAY).

※ If for some reason, CDJapan isn’t your cup of tea or doesn’t work for you I think YESASIA is a good alternative. However, I haven’t used their service yet so I am not sure how reliable they are. They offer free shipping if your order total exceeds a certain amount so that’s definitely pretty neat!

6. Amazon.co.jp

Amazon.co.jp has been very reliable for the past few years but this year they have really let me down. Just like HMV they do offer an international shipping service but theirs is actually a DIRECT shipping service and it’s SUPER fast. Also they estimate the import/customs fees of your respective country and they charge a deposit which they can use to pay the customs office to speed up the shipping procedure. If this doesn’t happen, packages will usually end up being stuck at customs for a very long time until they have been processed. Last but not least, they often have some of the coolest and most unique tokutens. These are all reasons why I loved to use them but it seems like the pandemic screwed things up for many foreign fans. When I was logged in and checking the product pages of the Kala-solo-releases, they would either show me that everything was out of stock from the get-go or no longer shippable to my country. However, when I wasn’t logged in and checked the Japanese version of the product page I saw that there were in fact still copies available. Now that the pre-order period is over they seem to have restocked a little bit and some versions have finally become available again for foreigners. For example, I could now technically order the LE of “Lantana” with a tokuten. I really wonder why that stuff wasn’t there when I needed it *grumbles*

※ I am not 100% sure if the pandemic caused all these issues but I kinda hope that was the reason because that would mean that next year things will hopefully work fine again. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

[moodyblues93]

Dear LGBTQ Community

I am so incredibly sorry is the only right way to start. This post comes from a lifelong conservative, homeschooled Christian. I never stood on a street corner with a sign that said ugly things about you, and whenever I met someone who was gay (or I suspected they were), I tried very hard to treat them the same as anyone else and not hold them at arm’s length; nevertheless, I made some disparaging remarks within my circle of likeminded people, and I most definitely saw you as being in the wrong. I didn’t hate you- I felt sorry for you, and found myself wistfully thinking how nice it would be if being gay wasn’t a sin, and we could all just get along then…but ultimately I had to shake my head and say, “well, the Bible says it’s a sin, so that’s the end of the debate.”

Having now been out of my (incredibly controlling and right-wing extremist) parents’ house for seven years now, I’ve made a lot of progress in finding what I believe is a proper middle ground for my beliefs and overall worldview. Every New Year’s Day, rather than make a resolution, I have a long talk with the Lord and ask Him to please make me more like Him in the coming year and draw me closer to His heart; I can honestly say that every year this prayer is answered, and I continue to become a more loving and understanding person (though I am far, far from perfect). This year I have become increasingly aware of how ugly a lot of my conservative, supposedly Christian friends behave at their cores, and how so many of the things they claim they’re saying in love sound a lot more akin to hate, pride, and bigotry. By May, I was so disgusted by their words and actions, I came back for a Part 2 to my prayer. I asked God to reveal to me the things in my beliefs that I had accepted as truths that are in fact lies- whether in part or in whole -and vice versa; I asked that He help me be willing to reconsider my stance on any and all issues where I was wrong, and to give me the courage to take the steps necessary to change.

I kid you not: within two weeks of praying that, I was struck out of the blue by a thought I had never dared even entertain in jest in my entire life. Why is being gay a sin? I froze in my tracks and my heart stopped. Having thought this forbidden sentence, my mind raced ahead before I could catch it.

Why should it be a sin?

I understand that the very first couple was a man and a woman, but they HAD to be in order to continue the human race.

If there’s one thing I’ve known from an early age, it’s that God is a God of logic. He has a reason for every commandment/rule, and usually that reason is very self-evident. Adultery is breaking a promise and brings devastating hurt to others and yourself. Stealing is taking something that you have no right to take, and again, you’re harming someone else one way or another. I already know AIDS isn’t the exclusively “gay cancer” televangelists claimed it was in the ‘80s, so I can’t even use that as the reason behind why gay relationships are forbidden.

I stood there in the kitchen, stumped. I could not think of a single actual reason why being gay could be considered a sin, aside from citing “because God said so,” which is not an actual argument; God never lays down arbitrary rules like that, and even the passages about “it is an abomination” suddenly didn’t make sense to me. Okay, but WHY is it an abomination? Circular reasoning didn’t sound like the God I’ve come to know so well over the years. The notion gnawed at me all day, and I could hardly focus on anything else. I prayed almost continually for the next two days on the matter: I asked that if my heart was deceiving me and I was being sucked into the “liberal Christian” mindset after too long away from the influence of a super strict church, that God would save me from my error and show me the why behind this commandment so I wouldn't stray. I also asked in no uncertain terms that if the church is in fact wrong and being gay is NOT a sin that God would give me peace about the whole matter and help me to find good, thorough resources that could dismantle the arguments I’d been supportive of all these years.

None of this stemmed from a guilty conscience needing to find justification for a beloved family member’s lifestyle, or even my own: as far as I know, everyone in my immediate family is hetero, and I myself am ace. Nor did this come from the desire to be as opposite of my strict parents as possible, to rebel and go nuts now that they no longer control my life. I am a person who always wants to know the why and how behind every rule and process, to understand as much about my surroundings as a human can, and to champion the truth in all things- even when that truth makes me uncomfortable.

I spent copious amount of time over several months researching this subject from multiple viewpoints, devouring articles and lectures, and praying for guidance with every new piece of information I uncovered. By the time I’d finished, I was left with a deep conviction that we have been wrong all this time; the arguments the church has used are based on a mix of mistranslations and cultural practices that are irrelevant to our society today (for anyone who wants to know more on this, I cannot recommend enough Walking The Bridgeless Canyon by Kathy Baldock, and God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines, because there isn’t room in this post to explain it all. You need to read both books for the full picture).

I’m sorry for how long this post is, but since you don’t know me, I’m trying to convey to you just how significant it is for someone like me to have come to this conclusion. I’ve been a dyed-in-the-wool conservative Christian my entire life; I literally don’t even remember my conversion because of how young I was when I came to faith. For those who are skeptics concerning if homosexuality and the like is a sin, I hope this has prodded at your conscience and will push you to start looking into this for yourself.

But my main purpose of this post is to address you, the LGBTQ community. One person’s apologies, no matter how sincere, cannot begin to make up for or repair the damage done to you. As I was studying all this, the more horrified I became as it hit me that there are countless souls the church turned away because they were told Jesus wasn’t interested in a relationship with them, and consequently, most of those people likely then didn’t want to have anything to do with a Jesus like that. The thought completely broke my heart for you, and all I want to tell you now is that regardless if someone has said to you that you cannot enter the kingdom of Heaven as long as you are a practicing homosexual/bisexual/etc. or anything else along those lines…PLEASE listen to me instead.

I love you. I accept you as you are and I am not going to ask you to change this aspect of your life. Far more importantly, Jesus loves you as you are and He wants to have a relationship with you. If the only thing that’s ever held you back from looking into Christianity is believing your sexuality won’t be accepted, know that there are churches out there who will gladly welcome you (Google ‘open and affirming church near me’).

I’m making an iron promise to you that I’m going to attend my local rally every June from now on; I’m going to hug you and remind you that it’s okay to be who you are without having to fear eternal damnation for it. I can’t say enough how sorry I am for everything that has been said and done to you, all supposedly in the name of love- a love that has been hideously misunderstood and twisted to fit a human agenda of our own making. Please give God another chance. Let Him show you just what love really and truly is, and I guarantee you will find it’s nothing like what you’ve been told.

I know you don’t know me, and you have no reason to believe me, but please take this as a hopeful sign for the future. If I can come to this conclusion, then surely the rest of the world can’t be far behind me. We will make this a safe and accepting place for you, where contemptuous glances and ugly words are no longer slung across the dividing line, because there will no longer be a line- it will no longer be an Us vs. Them, because there will only be Us. Thank you for your persistence through the decades to not deny who you are, because your endurance will help keep the door open for this and future generations to come to a true understanding.

I hope a lot of people see this. I don't know much about how Tumblr works, I'm hardly ever on here, but I sincerely wish for many people to see this and smile by the time they're finished.

Red and orange, yellow and green, blue and purple, black and white, we are precious in His sight.

[versegm]

Anyway. As some of you might know, last month was Self-Published Fantasy Month on twitter, which meant, among other things, many giveaways and sales. It's during this time that I acquired The World Maker Parable by Luke Tarzian.

Guilt will always call you back... Rhona is a faithful servant of the country Jémoon and a woman in love. Everything changes when her beloved sets the ravenous Vulture goddess loose upon the land. Forced to execute the woman she loves for committing treason, Rhona discovers a profound correlation between morality and truth. A connection that might save her people or annihilate them all. You are a lie... Varésh Lúm-talé is many things, most of all a genocidal liar. A falsity searching for the Phoenix goddess whom he believes can help him rectify his atrocities. Such an undertaking is an arduous one for a man with missing memories and a conscience set on rending him from inside out. A man whose journey leads to Hang-Dead Forest and a meeting with a Vulture goddess who is not entirely as she seems.

TL;DR: Rhona, our protagonist, is forced to execute her lover for treason, as said lover freed the Vulture goddess across the land. ...But what if she was right? What if freeing the goddess was the correct decision? These thoughts will haunt Rhona through the whole book, as the guilt will eat her alive.

It's a novella, so pretty short story by fantasy standards (around 30k words iirc) and the prequel of a serie I have not read. As for what I thought of it, here goes:

GOOD POINTS:

- cool worldbuilding

- the plot??? slaps???

- i did not expect that twist at the end wow

BAD POINTS:

- I, viscerally, cannot stand that writing style. It keeps flipping wildly between "awkward exposition" and "purposely vague" and it is especially annoying for me.

Now lord knows I'm picky about writing styles, so while I didn't enjoy it that much, I still recommend anyone with a taste for uncommon fantasy to check it out. Most websites nowadays let you flip through the first few pages, so really, check it out, and if the writing style doesn't bother you, buy it. I guarantee you the plot is worth it.

FINAL RATING: 3/5, BUT REALLY, CHECK FOR YOURSELF THE FIRST FEW PAGES BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T MIND THAT WRITING STYLE THE PLOT IS REALLY GOOD

[roman-catholic-mass-readings]

20th January >> Mass Readings (Except USA)

Wednesday, Second Week in Ordinary Time

   or 

Saint Fabian, Pope, Martyr

   or 

Saint Sebastian, Martyr.

Wednesday, Second Week in Ordinary Time

(Liturgical Colour: Green)

First Reading

Hebrews 7:1-3,15-17

You are a priest of the order of Melchizedek, for ever

You remember that Melchizedek, king of Salem, a priest of God Most High, went to meet Abraham who was on his way back after defeating the kings, and blessed him; and also that it was to him that Abraham gave a tenth of all that he had. By the interpretation of his name, he is, first, ‘king of righteousness’ and also king of Salem, that is, ‘king of peace’; he has no father, mother or ancestry, and his life has no beginning or ending; he is like the Son of God. He remains a priest for ever.    This becomes even more clearly evident when there appears a second Melchizedek, who is a priest not by virtue of a law about physical descent, but by the power of an indestructible life. For it was about him that the prophecy was made: You are a priest of the order of Melchizedek, and for ever.

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 109(110):1-4

R/ You are a priest for ever, a priest like Melchizedek of old.

The Lord’s revelation to my Master:    ‘Sit on my right:    your foes I will put beneath your feet.’

R/ You are a priest for ever, a priest like Melchizedek of old.

The Lord will wield from Zion    your sceptre of power:    rule in the midst of all your foes.

R/ You are a priest for ever, a priest like Melchizedek of old.

A prince from the day of your birth    on the holy mountains;    from the womb before the dawn I begot you.

R/ You are a priest for ever, a priest like Melchizedek of old.

The Lord has sworn an oath he will not change.    ‘You are a priest for ever,    a priest like Melchizedek of old.’

R/ You are a priest for ever, a priest like Melchizedek of old.

Gospel Acclamation

Hebrews 4:12

Alleluia, alleluia! The word of God is something alive and active: it can judge secret emotions and thoughts. Alleluia!

Or:

cf. Matthew 4:23

Alleluia, alleluia! Jesus proclaimed the Good News of the kingdom and cured all kinds of sickness among the people. Alleluia!

Gospel

Mark 3:1-6

Is it against the law on the sabbath day to save life?

Jesus went into a synagogue, and there was a man there who had a withered hand. And they were watching him to see if he would cure him on the sabbath day, hoping for something to use against him. He said to the man with the withered hand, ‘Stand up out in the middle!’ Then he said to them, ‘Is it against the law on the sabbath day to do good, or to do evil; to save life, or to kill?’ But they said nothing. Then, grieved to find them so obstinate, he looked angrily round at them, and said to the man, ‘Stretch out your hand.’ He stretched it out and his hand was better. The Pharisees went out and at once began to plot with the Herodians against him, discussing how to destroy him.

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saint Fabian, Pope, Martyr

(Liturgical Colour: Red)

(Readings for the memorial)

(There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Wednesday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise)

First Reading

1 Peter 5:1-4

Watch over the flock, not simply as a duty but gladly

Now I have something to tell your elders: I am an elder myself, and a witness to the sufferings of Christ, and with you I have a share in the glory that is to be revealed. Be the shepherds of the flock of God that is entrusted to you: watch over it, not simply as a duty but gladly, because God wants it; not for sordid money, but because you are eager to do it. Never be a dictator over any group that is put in your charge, but be an example that the whole flock can follow. When the chief shepherd appears, you will be given the crown of unfading glory.

________

Responsorial Psalm Psalm 39(40):2,4,7-10

Here I am, Lord! I come to do your will.

I waited, I waited for the Lord    and he stooped down to me;    he heard my cry. He put a new song into my mouth,    praise of our God.

Here I am, Lord! I come to do your will.

You do not ask for sacrifice and offerings,    but an open ear. You do not ask for holocaust and victim.    Instead, here am I.

Here I am, Lord! I come to do your will.

In the scroll of the book it stands written    that I should do your will. My God, I delight in your law    in the depth of my heart.

Here I am, Lord! I come to do your will.

Your justice I have proclaimed    in the great assembly. My lips I have not sealed;    you know it, O Lord.

Here I am, Lord! I come to do your will.

________

Gospel Acclamation Jn10:14

Alleluia, alleluia! I am the good shepherd, says the Lord; I know my own sheep and my own know me. Alleluia!

________

Gospel John 21:15-17 Feed my lambs, feed my sheep

Jesus showed himself to his disciples, and after they had eaten he said to Simon Peter, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me more than these others do?’ He answered, ‘Yes Lord, you know I love you.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Feed my lambs.’ A second time he said to him, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ He replied, ‘Yes, Lord, you know I love you.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Look after my sheep.’ Then he said to him a third time, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ Peter was upset that he asked him the third time, ‘Do you love me?’ and said, ‘Lord, you know everything; you know I love you.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Feed my sheep.’

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saint Sebastian, Martyr

(Liturgical Colour: Red)

(Readings for the memorial)

(There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Wednesday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise)

First Reading

1 Peter 3:14-17

If it is the will of God that you should suffer, it is better to suffer for doing right

If you have to suffer for being good, you will count it a blessing. There is no need to be afraid or to worry about persecutors. Simply reverence the Lord Christ in your hearts, and always have your answer ready for people who ask you the reason for the hope that you all have. But give it with courtesy and respect and with a clear conscience, so that those who slander you when you are living a good life in Christ may be proved wrong in the accusations that they bring. And if it is the will of God that you should suffer, it is better to suffer for doing right than for doing wrong.

________

Responsorial Psalm Psalm 33(34):2-9

From all my terrors the Lord set me free.

I will bless the Lord at all times,    his praise always on my lips; in the Lord my soul shall make its boast.    The humble shall hear and be glad.

From all my terrors the Lord set me free.

Glorify the Lord with me.    Together let us praise his name. I sought the Lord and he answered me;    from all my terrors he set me free.

From all my terrors the Lord set me free.

Look towards him and be radiant;    let your faces not be abashed. This poor man called, the Lord heard him    and rescued him from all his distress.

From all my terrors the Lord set me free.

The angel of the Lord is encamped    around those who revere him, to rescue them. Taste and see that the Lord is good.    He is happy who seeks refuge in him.

From all my terrors the Lord set me free.

________

Gospel Acclamation Jm1:12

Alleluia, alleluia! Happy the man who stands firm, for he has proved himself, and will win the crown of life. Alleluia!

________

Gospel Matthew 10:28-33 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body

Jesus said to his apostles: ‘Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; fear him rather who can destroy both body and soul in hell. Can you not buy two sparrows for a penny? And yet not one falls to the ground without your Father knowing. Why, every hair on your head has been counted. So there is no need to be afraid; you are worth more than hundreds of sparrows.    ‘So if anyone declares himself for me in the presence of men, I will declare myself for him in the presence of my Father in heaven. But the one who disowns me in the presence of men, I will disown in the presence of my Father in heaven.’

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.