#and I'm afraid that's where my growth will be

[elektroyu]

This may sound a little esoteric, but sometimes I really wonder what my higher purpose in life is. By now I think I have a pretty good idea of which (overall) direction I need to go (= art stuff in the widest sense). This is exclusively because that's what feels right to me and seems to be what I always come back to in some way.

But beyond that? I'm not sure how I'm going to pay for living (literally living, like eating and housing, let alone pets orz). Are these things supposed to be connected? Or am I supposed to find another way to get income, somehow despite my health condition?

What am I supposed to do for other people so that I can get income of my own*? What is it that I can GIVE others? Where is the thing that I can do that can provide others with a high enough value?

I have no fucking clue at all, and that's scary as hell.

*at least I'd like to have an income of my own that I basically earn myself with some kind of work. Not at all looking forward to end up depending on benefits for the rest of my life

[doyoulikethissong-poll]

David Bowie - Life on Mars? 1973

"Life on Mars?" is a song by the English singer-songwriter David Bowie, first released on his 1971 album Hunky Dory. Bowie wrote the song as a parody of Frank Sinatra's "My Way". "Life on Mars?" is primarily a glam rock ballad, with elements of cabaret and art rock; it has a complex structure that includes chord changes throughout. At the height of Bowie's fame as Ziggy Stardust, RCA Records issued "Life on Mars?" as a single on 22 June 1973 in the UK, where it peaked at number three. To promote the single, photographer Mick Rock filmed a video that shows Bowie in make-up and a turquoise suit singing the song against a white backdrop. "Life on Mars?" is considered by commentators as one of Bowie's greatest songs, and one of the best songs of all time. Critics have praised Bowie's vocal performance and growth as a songwriter.

"Life on Mars?" has appeared in numerous television series and film soundtracks. The British series Life on Mars was named after and heavily featured the song, which is included on the series' soundtrack album. Actress Jessica Lange sang the song with a deep German accent on the fourth-season premiere of the FX television series American Horror Story: Freak Show. In 2019, Nine Inch Nails covered the song on their soundtrack to the HBO television series Watchmen.

"Life on Mars?" received a total of 63,1% yes votes! Previous David Bowie polls: #33 "I'm Afraid of Americans", #118 "The Man Who Sold the World" (cover).

[sacerdotessa]

Midheaven in signs

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Don’t plagiarize, you were born original, don’t die a copy.

I'm back with a new post after a very long time! I missed my tumblr community so much, I'm going to post new things soon!

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Aries Midheaven:

you’re such a competitive individual and an innovator, you’re not afraid of taking risks and being bold. It’s hard for you to depend on other people, you need to be your own leader when it comes to your career. The perfect career path involves a lot of action and dynamism, following every day the same routine is not something that appeals you. As a driven individual, you thrive on challenges and are always seeking new opportunities to grow and learn. You have a natural ability to think outside of the box and come up with innovative solutions to problems. You're not afraid to take risks and push yourself outside of your comfort zone, because you know that's where growth happens. When it comes to your career, you're not content with simply following the crowd. You need to be in control of your own destiny and chart your own path. You have a strong sense of purpose and direction, and you're not afraid to pursue your dreams with relentless determination. The perfect career for you is one that allows you to constantly evolve and adapt. You need to be challenged, stimulated, and engaged in your work on a daily basis. With your competitive spirit and innovative mindset, you're sure to make a real impact in whatever career path you choose

Taurus Midheaven:

Your top priorities are stability, enjoying life and being creative. You prefer to approach your career methodically, following a routine is not something that bothers you. You have amazing taste and expressing your creativity is very important for you. You might enjoy a career path that involves aesthetics and creativity, you might also enjoy a job that revolves around food (you might be a great chef). You should choose a career that aligns with your priorities and natural abilities, for example, exploring opportunities in the creative arts. You could pursue a career as a graphic designer, interior decorator, or fashion designer. Alternatively, you may find fulfillment in the culinary arts, either as a chef or food stylist. Whatever path you choose, be sure to focus on finding a work-life balance that allows you to enjoy the stability and creative expression that you value most. Remember, the most fulfilling career is one that brings you joy and satisfaction in all aspects of your life.

Gemini Midheaven:

You’re such a curious and multitalented individual, you might enjoy exploring multiple career paths during your lifetime. You’re talented when it comes to communications, media, journalism and anything that’s connected with writing. Routine is something that annoys you, you should choose a career path that involves a variety of activities. You’re also extremely expressive, you might be a talented actor. There are many career options that could suit your unique set of skills and interests. You should also consider pursuing a career in public relations or marketing because these fields often involve a mix of writing, communication, and creativity. Another option to consider is working in the entertainment industry, where your expressive nature and love for variety could be put to good use. You could explore opportunities in acting, directing, or even producing. With your natural curiosity and multitalented abilities, the possibilities are endless. Don't be afraid to try new things and explore different paths.

Cancer Midheaven:

Nurturing and taking care of those around you feels like a life mission for you. You’re such an empathetic soul, connecting with those around you and being sure that you’re working on making the world a better place is very important for you. You might be interested in a career that involves being around children or those who need support. Your natural inclination towards empathy and compassion makes you an ideal candidate to work with individuals who need emotional support and care. A career in counseling, social work, or education could be a fulfilling path for you to explore. You have the ability to connect with others on a deep level and understand their needs, making it easier for you to provide the necessary support and guidance. Additionally, your warm and nurturing personality would be a valuable asset in any team or workplace environment.

Leo Midheaven:

You’re such an ambitious individual and you love being in the spotlight. You’re a natural-born leader and you constantly need to attract other people's attention. You might be a good actor, singer or influencer. Being popular and influential seems to be some of your biggest goals. However, it's important to remember to use your platform for good. As a leader and influencer, you have the power to positively impact and inspire others. Consider using your talents and popularity to promote important causes or raise awareness about issues that matter to you. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility. It's also important to stay grounded and humble, and not let fame or attention get to your head. Stay true to yourself and your values, and continue to work hard towards your goals while also making a positive impact on the world.

Virgo Midheaven:

You prefer a career path that brings you stability instead of one that brings you power and fame. Being in the spotlight is not something that appeals you and you prefer to help others instead of being at the center of the attention. Being helpful is very important for you, being a doctor or working in the healthcare field seems to be perfect for you. You might consider becoming a nurse, a physical therapist, or a medical assistant. You might also be interested in working with animals (becoming a veterinarian). If you have a passion for nature, you might consider a career in conservation or environmental science. Whatever path you choose, you can be sure that your desire to help others and make a difference in the world will be fulfilled.

Libra Midheaven:

You might be interested in working in a field connected with communication or art (you might be a great graphic designer), you might also be an amazing stylist or director, you know how to connect the right people and coordinate a team. You’re such a creative person and you love to express yourself, you’re also amazing when it comes to discovering other people's talents and valorizing them. You prefer facts over feelings and you have a logical mind, you might be a good lawyer. Don't be afraid to explore different options and take risks in order to find the right fit for you. Whether it's in the realm of communication, art, or law, there are countless opportunities available for those with this placement. Remember to stay true to yourself and never stop learning and growing in your chosen field. With hard work and perseverance, you can achieve great things and make a positive impact on the world around you.

Scorpio Midheaven:

You’re such a private person, being in the spotlight is not something that appeals you, and working behind the scenes seems to be a better option. You’re such a deep person who enjoys mysteries and taboos, you might be an amazing investigator, surgeon or psychologist. You’re not afraid of taking responsibility and making tough decisions, which makes you a great leader. Your ability to analyze situations and think critically also makes you an asset in any team. Your calm and composed demeanor in high-pressure situations is admirable. You have a great sense of empathy and understanding towards others, which is a valuable trait in any profession. Your dedication and hard work have helped you achieve success in your career, and your determination will continue to take you further.

Sagittarius Midheaven:

You’re an explorer and learning new things seems to be one of your biggest passions. You might be an amazing teacher, those around you love to hear you talking about what makes you feel passionate. You might explore many different career path during your lifetime and you seems to be kinda lucky when it comes to money and finding good opportunities. Your career could also revolve around traveling and exploring new places. Your adventurous spirit is what sets you apart from others. You thrive on the excitement of discovering new things and visiting uncharted territories. You have a natural curiosity and a thirst for knowledge that drives you to explore different cultures, cuisines, and ways of life. Your love for learning is contagious and people around you are drawn to your enthusiasm. As a teacher, you have a unique ability to make complex concepts easy to understand. You have a way with words that captivates your audience and makes them feel excited to learn. Your career path may take you in many different directions, but one thing is for sure – you will never be bored.

Capricorn Midheaven:

You’re extremely ambitious and kinda “obsessed” when it comes to your career. Your reputation is very important for you, being perceived as someone who is important and influential is one of your biggest goals. You have a solid work ethic. You might be interested in finance or business. You’re an amazing leader, you tend to be admired by those around you for your success. However, it's important to remember that success isn't everything. While ambition is a great quality, it's also important to take breaks and prioritize self-care. It's okay to step back and reassess your goals and priorities. Don't forget to give yourself credit for how far you've already come. Remember that being a good leader also means being able to take care of yourself and those around you. Keep striving for success, but don't forget to enjoy the journey along the way.

Aquarius Midheaven:

You’re attracted to unconventional paths, not everybody are going to understand your job. You might try many different career during your lifetime, you’re someone who gets easily bored, starting again is something that makes you feel excited. You might work with technology (you might be a software engineer) or social network, you’re attracted to every jobs that involves technology, innovation and communication. Don't be afraid to take risks and try new things, but also be mindful of your long-term goals and aspirations. With your unconventional mindset and willingness to explore, you're sure to find a career path that suits you and makes you feel fulfilled. Keep an open mind and embrace the journey ahead!

Pisces Midheaven:

You’re not such a consistent person when it comes to your career, living in a capitalistic society is very hard for you. You’re such a creative person with a deep and insightful personality, you love to take care of others and you also love to express yourself through art. You might be an amazing artist and many people could feel inspired by your creations. You might also be a great therapist who has the ability to understand and empathize with others on a deep level. Whatever path you choose, it's important to remember that your unique perspective and talents are valuable and can make a positive impact on those around you. Don't be afraid to pursue your passions and explore different avenues until you find the career that truly fulfills you. With your creativity and caring nature, there's no limit to what you can achieve.

[a-d-nox]

pac: mid-year reflection - what have you accomplished and what should you be working on for the rest of the year?

i'm trying something new, a pick a card. take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: what exists before you that you can't see?

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

accomplished: you have fought past a hard time within your family. you broke free from the expectations and control you felt from them - good for you paving your own path!! you are now ready for the next level. continue to recharge and heal mentally as you prepare yourself for what is next. have faith you did the right thing - there is no going back now. continue to seek out inspiration for actions - and acting accordingly to your inspiration. you are steadily working towards achieving something just for yourself. just remember to remain flexible and have some patience for yourself.

still working on: you still have to work on your authority and stability - its not so improved that you can just move on. it's a process. practice being calm despite the chaos - manage your anxiety/stress. trust that you are mature enough to handle yourself and your situation. it's all about confidence, so get in touch with yours. don't be afraid to kick things up a notch. you have to practice stepping outside your comfort zone if you want to see some serious growth. at the same time, it wouldn't hurt you to take a break and take a step back from time to time (don't push yourself - you'll find yourself burnt out). you also have to work on not feeling so stuck - the past is in the past, nothing is guaranteed, fitting in is overrated, you aren't competing with anyone - that is all in your mind, and (this one you might not be ready for) your loneliness is likely self imposed (put yourself out there). take back your power in that regard! take some small steps towards what you truly want and you will feel a whole lot better before 2025.

pile two

accomplished: you have finally stopped putting so much pressure on yourself. it's such a relief! i know you are a perfectionist but it gets exhausting, no? but now you can see it's just not productive to continually compare yourself to others and now you are free. keep happily say "no" while focusing on what truly brings you joy. i feel like it's also a good thing you have lower your bar for yourself. high hopes are good but not to the detriment of your mental health and self-image. delays are okay - it's okay if you're vision is not true to reality; its probably healthier this way so keep reminding yourself that. just keep working and you will get what you need and where you need to be.

still working on: keep working on connecting with your intuition. start reconnecting with your gut - stop relying on others and allowing them to influence you. also it is imperative that you let go of whatever it is that you are clinging to. change only comes when you accept endings. surrendering what is leaving or has left allows for peace and gratitude for what still remains - so stop clinging, surrender, and create space in your life for new things. embrace some spontaneity in your life - something is about to happen and you just need to say "yes" (which sounds crazy when you read the accomplished section but you will know your say "yes" opportunity when you work past your disconnect with your gut). maybe it's travel, maybe a person, etc. say yes, take a chance. ride a wave.

pile three

accomplished: i am very proud of you. i feel like you're saving for something and are being proactive with your finances instead of spending unnecessarily. that or you are feeling a bit more stabilized and secure in a situation that was bothering you earlier in the year. you just have to keep trusting that you have what you need. give some credit to yourself for your hard work. i also feel like you learned something extremely important that really had a profound influence/impact on you these last 6 months. maybe you met someone who is helping you to be wiser about how you live life and appreciate life too. you could also be moving past something that really disappointed you or hurt your feelings. you aren't too hurt by the past to not try again - you have hope once more. your emotions are no longer stagnant or restricted as they once were. keep up the good work!

still working on: you haven't been working on something that you have been planning to - it's time you stop pushing it off and get to work. stop being so frustrated and impatient with yourself due to the lack of progress you are making. be real with yourself and stop procrastinating then you will have no reason to be frustrated. otherwise, it might be time you adjust your expectations. start doing what you love again. hard work, no matter daunting it may be, will pay off when it's something you believe in. hell even if its small bits of progress, it's better than nothing. some progress will improve your spirits. life will get in your way to test how badly you really want something oftentimes. there is something to gain in breaks and stillness - start waiting around when you finally realize what it is.

[sunkissedchld]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒍𝒍 𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one has the silver airpods, pile two is the pink cord phone, and so on and so forth.

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don't be afraid to say if the message resonated or not; it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it's "bad".

this PAC is a collab with @icanseethefuture333, so be sure to check out their post also!

good luck to you, reader 🌷

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Signs:

"i don't forgive you", harboring anger towards someone, heavy fire (aries, leo, sagittarius) in birth chart, red, passion, danger, hera, broken marriages/family, non-committal, metatron, spiritual power, turtles, tigers, turkeys. broken headphones, "you're not listening"

Shufflemancy:

"Montero (Call Me By Your Name)" by Lil Nas X

"Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen

"Blow Us All Away" from Hamilton the Musical

"Intro" by J. Cole

"Angels We Have Heard on High" by Pentatonix

"Sorry, I Love You" by Stray Kids

Cards:

Four of Cups, Knight of Cups (Rx), Six of Swords (Rx), Two of Wands, Five of Wands, Seven of Coins, The Fool (Rx), Turtle (Rx), Tiger, Turkey

Reading:

For those who chose pile one, one lesson you will encounter will be in regards to you seemingly sitting on the sidelines in life. At one point, you may feel disconnected and apathetic about life; you may think, "what's the point of doing what I'm doing if I'm not seeing any results for it." There will be times when people will try to help you enjoy life more instead of being moody and unhappy with what you're doing, but J. Cole says it best when he asks, "do you wanna be happy?". Someone might literally ask you that (or people have done so in the past), and you often say "no" without saying no by not taking action to be happy. 

Those who chose this pile may have a lot of unresolved emotional baggage they refuse to acknowledge, but your lesson will be in recognizing that baggage and unloading it. You may have been resisting a transition period in your life for as long as possible, and in 2024 that won't be allowed anymore. Saying "no" to happiness will not be an option; you will be thrown into tackling your anger, former traumas, apathy about life, etc. head on. The only real thing you can decide at this point is whether or not you're going to plan for it now that you know it's coming or allow life to take you through it however ough that may be. 

You will be pushed to be competitive about what it is you want. There may be a lot of conflict, and you may even feel jealous of others at one point; you may think, "why is it that my growth and transition is so much harder compared to everyone else's?". There may even be a point during the year where you feel as if you're guides or the universe or whoever/whatever you believe in isn't listening to you, but the truth is everyone experiences growing pains, and you have to figure out how to persevere and get over your fears the same way everyone else does. As stated before, refusing to grow and transition is not an option, but your attitude as you experience it is a choice you make; you can make it easier or harder on yourself by having an open mind. 

This year, you will be going from being a turtle to a tiger. You will no longer be allowed to take your time in regards to things in your life that are keeping you from growing into someone who is healthier and happier: mentally, physically, emotionally, and everywhere else. You will be stepping into your own power and your attitude will determine if you step into it gracefully or not. Overall, your lesson will be in learning how to free yourself from your own chains.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Signs:

"be free", the sun, heavy fixed sign energy, ceres, gemini, pluto, neptune, feeling disconnected from venus placement, having trouble speaking, 111, manifestations, "coming in", "i'm walking", "be realistic", mercedes, goose/geese

Shufflemancy:

“Love Like Woe” by The Ready Set

“One Step At a Time” by Jordin Sparks

“Are You That Somebody” by Aaliyah

“This World” by Ateez

“Can You Stand the Rain” by New Edition

“What Comes Next?” from Hamilton the Musical

Cards:

Eight of Coins (Rx), King of Swords (Rx), Five of Wands (Rx), The Hanged Man, King of Coins, Seven of Coins, The Sun, Fixed, Ceres, Sagittarius (Rx), 111, Mercury (Rx), Venus (Rx), Neptune, Pluto

Reading:

If you chose this pile, your lesson for the year deals with your self-worth and self-determination. “One Step At a Time” by Jordin Sparks seems to fit your energy best for this next year. It seems some of this energy may be lingering from last year also, but during 2024 you may feel as if you’re doing a lot of work but receiving no benefits from it. Eventually, this lack of success and recognition could wear on you, and you could wonder if what all you’re doing is even worth it. With your work, it could seem as if you do so much, but it’s just not quite enough to other people - even if you’re trying your absolute hardest. You could end up feeling unappreciated and as if you’re not advancing anywhere. 

It seems someone could be turning people away from you. For some people, this is a literal person who you may get along with, but you don’t really confront them when it comes to what they’re doing. For others of you, this is the universe purposefully blocking things from you because you’re trying to speed up the time you get certain things, and it’s telling you, “this isn’t how that works”. Regardless, there is someone or something in a higher position keeping you from reaching the success you think you deserve. This conflict will frustrate you throughout the year, and it could prove difficult for you to deal with. 

With the Hanged Man and Five of Wands (Rx), you’re being asked to compromise and re-think why you think you deserve recognition or success in a certain way. Is your reasoning valid or in good faith? Is your way really the only way you can gain what it is you’re wanting? Is what you’re wanting the best for you? I’m reminded of the meme (I guess is what it is) where a little girl is holding a small teddy bear or something, and Jesus is asking her to give it to Him, and she’s refusing, but the audience can see that He has an even bigger teddy bear for her; I feel like this will represent how your success for this year will be. You may have one view of how you want it, but that result keeps getting pushed back or thwarted because you’re thinking too small. 

The action of patience will be your most important lesson this year. “Can You Stand the Rain” fits really well for this closing part of the reading. You will be learning how to wither the storm of seemingly being overlooked and having your ideas of abundance not being given to you how and when you want in exchange for even better and more success to meet you at the end. As is always said, “patience is a virtue”.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Signs:

222, swan, itchy left palm, losing items, “i’m so sorry”, prominent sagittarius and/or gemini placements, heavy mutable energy, neptune dominant or many aspects to neptune, ducks, water, lust for nostalgia, being lost in your memories

Shufflemancy:

“In Love with Another Man” by Jazmine Sulllivan

“needy” by Ariana Grande

“Halazia” by Ateez

“Home” by Todrick Hall

“6 Foot 7 Foot” by Lil Wayne (feat. Corey Gunz)

“Put It On Da Floor Again” by Latto (feat. Cardi B)

Cards:

Queen of Cups (Rx), Six of Cups (Rx), Ace of Wands, Ten of Coins, The Sun, Six of Coins, The Emperor, Memories (Rx), Mutable (Rx), Sagittarius (Rx), Planetary Retrograde (Rx)

Reading:

For those choosing pile three, your lesson during the year will relate to you recognizing yourself more. Those who chose this pile may feel disconnected from their emotions or feel very emotionally drained last year and entering the new year. You may be very used to letting people utilize you in their lives however they want while when it comes to you needing people, they often are away or too busy to care about you. You could be prone to co-dependent relationships where you feel like you need to be needed or of help to someone and they to you, but you let them give you the bare minimum while you give your all. 

Earlier, I thought you might be someone who doesn’t like remembering things or has a hard time with their memory, but it’s actually the opposite! You’re someone who loves to get lost in the past and what used to be; the song “Could’ve Been” by H.E.R feels relevant. For some reason the energy for this pile feels very connected to a relationship that you may miss during the year. It seems you will eventually come to the realization that you’re losing yourself to the past and recognize you need to garner up the willpower to keep going for the present. You will gain the energy to begin doing things for yourself instead of for the sake of pleasing others. You will be recognizing how important you are to yourself, and/or you will be building up that importance. 

During this year, you will be building a new foundation where you do things for you. You will be focusing on your own growth and prioritizing self-care. You will learn how to put your happiness above other people's, which might be an issue you have been avoiding for a while. Rather than relying on others for emotional stability and to qualify your self-worth, you will likely end up doing a ton of introspection to discover what makes you happy solo. If you’re someone who is chronically in relationships, you may take a well-needed break in order to discover yourself like you’ve been putting off doing. 

Overall, your lesson for the new year involves being your own rock so to speak. You will be learning how to set boundaries to protect yourself from people who are no good for you because they want to be like vampires in using you. Instead, you will focus on yourself and your ideals, wants, desires, and emotions. Your lesson this year will be learning how to focus on you.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Signs:

having a lot of conjunctions in natal or solar return chart, heavy fixed energy, being born on a new moon, heavy uranus energy, “i don’t forgive you”, heavy fourth house placements and energy, “i don’t forgive you”, (oak) trees, miracles, unicorns

Shufflemancy:

“Focus” by Ariana Grande

“Hello” by J. Cole

“Lonely St.” by Stray Kids

“On It” by Jazmine Sullivan (feat. Ari Lennox)

“Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen

“New Money” by Leikeli47

Cards:

Ace of Cups, Four of Coins, The Devil, Temperance, Knight of Coins, King of Cups, Judgement, The Fool, Conjunction, Fixed, New Moon, Uranus, 4H, Trees, Miracles

Reading:

Those choosing this final pile, your lessons this year may relate to embracing new beginnings and a fresh start. For you, I’m reminded of all these rituals people are engaging in as we all enter the new year: eating black eyed peas, not washing clothes, having someone with money enter the house first, eating grapes under a table at midnight, and everything else. It seems you’re in the energy of “new year, new me”! With that, your lessons seem to relate to putting that quote to the test and seeing if you’re actually ready to embrace what comes with newness. 

You could be losing things and people this year; maybe you fall out with certain people in your friend group, or you lose your job, or you graduate from school, or you’ll find a whole new group of friends. In general, the concept of not getting so attached to things or people to the point where you’re unwilling to separate from them comes to mind. Not that you can’t also develop strong attachments and relationships! But, when it’s time to let a situation or person go do not spend so much time trying to get them to stay. “When it’s time to go; it’s time to go”. 

Do not become obsessive about things and people you come into contact with this year. The phrase, “there’s a time and season for everything” is very important! “Be flexible” is the best advice I could give for those reading this pile. Being flexible does not entail not working hard though; find a balance between being hardworking and putting in effort and also being open to change and loss. There is a major emphasis on balance and being in control when it comes to your emotions but also overall this year. 

Overall, your lessons deal with being open to the change that comes with a new year and declaring that you’re ready for new things. You still need to put in work and go about life and strive to achieve what it is you want - in relationships, friendships, work, your daily life, and more, but you also need to be willing to let people and things go when the universe tells you they’re no longer serving or helping you. Truly, be open to the new beginnings you’re saying you want. 

[galedekarios]

i already posted about bookworm gale's various attempts to apply (or sometimes sneak into) the various libraries across faerun, but i also like the adventures a romanced gale and the protag can have:

the convo always starts out the same:

Gale: I confess, when I left Waterdeep there was a part of me afraid that I might regret my decision. But I never have. devnote: reflective Gale: I'm delighted to be here amongst friends again, but part of me is reluctant to step away from our new life - even for such a gathering as this. Player: You don't have to be here if you don't want to, Gale... Gale: Oh, ignore me - I'm perfectly content. Besides, the chance to step out for a night on your arm is hardly one I'm going to pass up. Tara the Tressym: I'm just glad I'm not the only one encouraging you to leave the library once in a while. It does one good to feel the grass beneath one's paws from time to time. Gale: I don't know where to begin in telling people what we've been up to. I suspect they won't believe me...

and then there are different options for the adventures they might have had, depending on the player's choices & origin states:

Player: You hunted a Nightwalker through the depths of the Underdark and have the scars to prove it. They'll believe you.

Player: You hunted a scaly devil through the flames of Avernus and got the scars to prove it. They'll believe you.

Player: You took down a battalion of Vlaakith's tl'a'ikith and have the scars to prove it. They'll believe you.

Player: You saved a village from a rabid dire troll and have the scars to prove it. They'll believe you

Gale: I think that particular feat was your doing, but having a wizard with an aptitude for excellently timed counterspells beside you no doubt helped. devnote: deflecting the praise, but allowing himself to feel a little pleased

but i also love this dialogue path because it once again highlights gale's growth as a person, as well as the difference between gale dekarios & gale of waterdeep:

Player: Who cares if they believe you? Gale: Not me, of course. Gale of Waterdeep might have craved such attention, but Gale Dekarios does a heroic deed purely for its own quiet satisfaction. And the occasional hearty 'thank you.'

[starwrighter]

surprise! I'm alive :D

Chucking out one of my prompts anyone can take this.

Prompt starts with the whole idea that everyone believes that ghost are malevolent, non sentient beings that aren't capable of feeling pain. Amity parkers believe that, the Fenton's and the GIW "proved" that and the ghosts that escape the portal have caused so much mindless damage that it just further cements the idea that ghosts aren't sentient.

But during one of Phantom's ghost fights The Fenton parents realize Phantom is a bit different than the ghosts he fights. They finally decide to observe Phantom more carefully after this (they're still shooting at him just watching him a bit first)

During this observation period they notice it's not just phantom's rapid power growth that's different about him. It's everything he does! He's proven to be more intelligent than the other ghosts, having managed to steal and operate Fenton tech despite the fact he doesn't appear to have powers like technus.

He has body language?! Subtle body language that isn't destructive or angry! He fidgets when he's nervous, smiles and is more talkative and expressive when he's excited or happy. He shows emotion more humanly than any of the other ghosts showing emotion that wouldn't benefit him in the moment. Now the Fenton's wanted to brush this off as clear ghost manipulation at it's finest but in the most recent ghost attack gave a preposterous theory a leg to stand on.

They had been shouting their usual threat's of tearing the ecto scum apart molocule by molecule. Most of the ghost ignored them, fixated on the destruction they were causing but Phantom hesitated, the GAV cameras catching a look on Phantom's face that would be game changing.

Fear.

Genuine fear. It was not the robotic mimicry of human emotion they were used to. The emotion they got was that of a being that fully understood what was going to happen to it and had the capability to be afraid.

They compile all the footage of past ghost fights and ghost sightings and come to the horrifying conclusion that phantom is a sentient ghost who could feel pain.

They're horrified that they've been hurting this little boy (because that's what phantom is) who's just trying to help and didn't understand why the other ghosts lacked the empathy he had. As for Phantom's crimes they finally had a reason for them. He's a scared child , loney and confused with everyone around him trying to hurt him even though he was trying to protect people; of course he would act out!

The Fenton's show their undeniable proof to the GIW and within a week a law is passed stating that phantom is the only sentient ghost and it's illegal to harm him.

Danny is very confused to say the least, especially when everyone starts treating him like a little kid (Danny either looks young for his age or the accident happened earlier whatever causes more angst) The worst part is they don't believe him when he tells them some other ghosts are sentient no matter what he says! They just give him this sad look and nod or try to comfort him by telling him he wasn't evil like the other ghosts. The other ghosts like the thought of being able to get away with crimes without being charged so they don't even try to prove their sentience if anything they try to disprove theirs and prove Danny's.

Bonus Dp x Dc crossover:

The justice league is called about Phantom's situation Amity Parker's demanding that phantom be taken somewhere safe where he can be a regular (but spooky) child. Double points if the heroes don't believe any ghost but Phantom are sentient.

Tldr

Regular ghosts are too spooky for humans to believe they're sentient but Danny's halfa status makes him look more human and genuine (Vlad is not a true halfa you can fight me on that >:c) the other ghosts ramp up their acting skills so they can crime without consequence as "non sentient beings"

[vitaminseetarot]

Poll PAC: What Your Next Birthday Celebration Will Be Like 🎂🎉🎁

Sup y'all, welcome back to another PAC reading. This time I'm doing a special 1 year/birthday/poll topic of choice themed pick a card! This is also a special one as VitaminSee now has 300 followers! Holy crap thank you for your support everyone! I haven't been able to get on Tumblr for a while, so I apologize if it seems like I've dropped from the aether. Life is starting to enter its hectic phase right now! Thank you so much for your patience. I'm waiting for life things to straighten out (lol as if life ever does) before I go ahead and offer some basic paid readings, which I hope to do in May.

This topic is for the next birthday you have coming up, whether that's tomorrow or next year. For my selection, I was recently lucky to have found the Wild Wisdom Companion book among a vast pile of discounted books. It's based on the Wheel of the Year. I thought this deck was perfect for making piles themed around the progression of the year and how our birthdays respond to the passage of the seasons. Pick whichever one of the Spring themed card you like most down below:

Pile 1 - The Unfurling 🌱 Pile 2 - The Wind 🕊 Pile 3 - The Door 🗝 Pile 4 - The Alchemist 🍾

Pile 1 - The Unfurling

Sagittarius - Expand, Level Up, Shadow, Isolation; XVII Star, 3 of Cups, XXI World, Ace of Wands, 5 of Cups

Hello, pile 1! Your birthday is going to be the start of great expansion. Your first three oracle cards spell it out so clearly! Sagittarius is all about shooting for seemingly farfetched goals and striking the target anyway. There is so much growth going on in your pile. You're probably anticipating your next chapter to be one of reaching beyond the horizon and feeling ready to do so. Ideas or wishes that seemed impossible may be coming closer to being within your grasp. Your life is ready to take it up a notch immediately after your next birthday, where things may begin to feel like they're accelerating. Don't worry about the turbulence, it's all a part of the movement. Breaking out of your comfort zone may feel scary, but something about your next birthday will set off a chain of events that will propel you to a new phase of life.

I have a feeling that many who choose this pile will be in a transitory stage of life, like you're getting ready to start college or a new job around your birthday. It's not just another year older, this next one will be extra meaningful in terms of receiving something you've been longing for in quite some time. It's something you've been greatly eager to begin. I don't any sense that you'll be looking back too much once you go forward, since you'll be thrust rather quickly in your next chapter.

But it's still okay if you're experiencing anxiety over it, even if it's something you've really wanted. Anxiety, doubt, and fear are not necessarily indicators that something isn't right for you. It's normal to get cold feet in this context. A sprout breaking from its seed shell is no small feat; it requires a great amount of momentum and motivation. Congratulate yourself for having come this far. Let your birthday be a chance to celebrate this. Give yourself the opportunity to commemorate with friends, if they wanna help give you a birthday to remember then let them. They may feel the vibe as much as you will on that day. Don't be afraid to take that day trip out to a new place you've never seen.

What's interesting about the Isolation card is that it shows two cups. There is meanwhile a Friendship card in this deck with only one cup. So I don't know if the words were swapped with the images or what, but the sense I get is that you will very likely be in good company during your birthday. They may want to take you out dancing (the Ace of Wands is reminding me of disco lights). However, even in the midst of the event, you may feel the urge to hide away from the crowd. I'm picturing someone stepping out of a house during a party. You may need to catch your breath at times in order to process the emotions you're experiencing, as you have a lot of energetic, lit up cards just before the five of cups.

Again, getting in dark negative moods is normal when you're facing a big new stage is not indicative that things will go wrong if it's something you know you're looking forward to. If you end up spending most of the day with friends, find some space to be at peace by yourself so you can even out your feelings. These intense moods will come and go on their own, so make sure to stay balanced (and not too overly caffeinated lol) on your birthday.

Pile 2 - The Wind 🕊

Third House - Communication, A New Day, Ball Pits, Family; 10 of Swords, 5 of Cups, III Empress, Knight of Pentacles, 4 of Cups

How's it going pile 2? I couldn't help but notice you have two pairs of swallows in your reading. Birds may have some significance for you, maybe you'll go birdwatching or even get a pet bird. For a small number of you, the birthday could involve a plane flight out of home for a quick trip. Could you be visiting family members? There's a lot of communication going on, for sure. Even if you're not traveling out by flight, you may have family members show up to take you out somewhere. They may be insistent on seeing you, talking to you, and spending time with you. The phone might blow up first thing in the morning with notifications and voicemail.

But I'm seeing a lot of hesitance in your tarot cards. You may be feeling tired or burned out and not necessarily in the mood to celebrate. The previous year was a doozy for you so perhaps catching up on sleep is more of your priority. Ever get the feeling of wanting to sleep because life is overwhelmed and you're like, "I give up (for now)?" and call it a day? You need to give yourself a chance to recuperate around your birthday, before during and after. Have a break so you can fully recover and receive all that the coming year has to offer you.

That means letting loved ones in your life, be they bio family or chosen family, understand that you'd rather have a small get together or a chance to rest every now and then if you're invited out somewhere. If you choose to go out, there's nothing wrong with taking it slow and easy, or doing something casual like grabbing some ice cream and sitting by the riverside to ponder the next year. Communicate your feelings instead of bottling them up in an attempt to keep up with everybody else. Don't let anyone convince you of how you should celebrate, it's your day your rules!

Others of you who have a little more energy, a little more of that "last year sucks, I need to go out and do something fun to sweat it off!", I feel like the ball is emphasized here with Knight of Pentacles beneath Ball Pits. Some of you looking for more action and noise may choose to go to a ball game, or spend time at the arcade playing pinball with friends. It could even be mini golf. Whether you are the low energy (calm) or high energy (excited) seeking type, getting the chance to have some fun is important, as long as it feels right for you.

This is the pile most likely to get some kind of surprise, be that a party (high energy) or a surprise gift (low energy). There will be a sense of being pampered. Some of you may get a larger number of gifts than you may have expected. You may receive a very beautiful gift, something you may treasure for a long time. Whatever it may be, allow yourself to thoroughly enjoy it and express that joy. Let yourself embrace gratitude, being mindful of what you have now regardless of how your last year has been and how your next year will be. For your next birthday, try to focus on the present (in both meanings).

Pile 3 - The Door 🗝

South Node - Past, Let Your Light Shine, Bubble Gum, Winter; Ace of Cups, 9 of Swords, 3 of Pentacles, XIX Sun, Page of Wands

Hey pile 3! For your next birthday, I'm definitely seeing you go outside to celebrate. There may be an actual party held outdoors, or you might choose to go out somewhere. I'm seeing parks, possibly national parks or natural trails. I'm getting the feeling of warm sunshine, the weather will likely cooperate perfectly on your day. You could be cruising through town, going from store to store (the 3 of pentacles reminds me of a mall here). Your birthday feels expansive and adventurous, ready for something new.

A small number of you may wish to engage a little bit in the spotlight, or you may be placed into a position of receiving more attention on this day. If you wish to, your birthday would be a great day to showcase your talents or passions, since I'm picking up a bit of Leo energy in this pile. With lips in Bubble Gum, you could be giving a speech? I'm picturing an actual toast, if you feel the strong urge to speak out then do so, let yourself be heard. I'm also seeing people sing for you at restaurants, so if that isn't your style, it's best to find a place to eat that doesn't do that sort of thing.

This birthday could be like your own version of a New Year's Eve celebration. Some of you may actually be born in the winter or around New Year's, so holidays and birthdays could tie in together. You're wanting your birthday to stand out amidst the traditional festivities (I've known many people born around Christmas who hate having their birthday gifts thrown under the tree, so you're not alone in that frustration!). You may get the idea of doing something out of the ordinary. Let yourself take the spotlight--it's your special occasion!

There's a message in your pile of letting old things go as you step into a new age. Old things from the year prior may still be sticking onto you, old issues from unresolved matters may pop up. They could be on the more practical side, like needing to sign something or finish a task on time. Be ready to step into the future unafraid--now is the time to shed the baggage. Your birthday can be the fresh start to a bright new trip around the sun, but you gotta give yourself that chance. If something needs to be resolved, and you got the time, tie up your loose ends beforehand so it's not weighing on you as you celebrate.

Your birthday is a threshold to an exciting new time for you. It may be like a breath of fresh air. I keep hearing "refreshed" and "invigorated", so this may be how you feel at the end of your birthday. You may do something that makes you think, "huh, why don't I do this more often?" That could be the key for you to step into something brand new. Will spending time with your friends refresh you, or going to a concert and discovering a new band that you will fall in love with as it warms up the show? Or may you desire to spend more time out in nature? Lean into what lights you up, listen to what engages you, and move from there.

Pile 4 - The Alchemist 🍾

Imum Coeli - Roots, Snow Day, Forest, Transformation; 3 of Cups, 6 of Cups, Ace of Swords, XII Hanged Man, 8 of Swords

What's up, pile 4? Your birthday is looking to be the absolute warmest and coziest out of all the piles. Many of you may identify strongly with introversion. I'm sensing a lot of you have your birthday around autumn or the cooler times of the year when most people are ready to bundle up in blankets or sit by the wood stove while awaiting the first signs of frost. Many of you may get a lucky chance to stay at home instead of needing to work or go to school, so you'll have the day off to plan out what you want to do. Others of you may desire to take time off if you have the chance to, I would go for it especially if you've been feeling the need to rest. You may live near trees or desire to be out in nature as a way to kick back.

I'm seeing someone invite a few friends over to watch old reruns of favorite shows while baking. It could be a gathering of closest friends, I'm not getting the sense that it'll be a big to-do bash. This day will be short, sweet, and simple. It's a good day for doing hobbies or spending time indulging in the gifts you were given. Some of you may rather spend time with family or those you live with instead of inviting people over. You and your family may share a special way of celebrating birthdays, I don't know of any birthday specific cultural traditions from the top of my head but you may have special rituals unique to you and your family. Either way, I get that you'll have a modest celebration that's nevertheless full of camaraderie and relaxing activities.

The description for the Alchemist card says "Allow Transformation", and you have another Transformation card. You may be doing a lot of transmuting on the inside, working through old stubborn patterns and limiting beliefs around this time. I'm seeing the ball of flame near the snow as if you're melting old self-sabotaging blockages away to make room for more growth in your coming year. This flame, this transmuting energy, is making way for the new to arrive.

The Hanged Man being tangled up in vines beneath a forest makes me think that you've been hung up on something that needs to be let go. You must prune in order to effectively grow. Too much in a small space can lead to cramming and confusion. You must deal with the thoughts tangling themselves up in your mind before cultivating the thoughts you want in their place. Changes may happen slowly on the outside, but when certain patterns are fully cleared out things can really take off.

So, for example, let's say you've wanted to sign up for a ceramics workshop for your birthday, or spend the day cleaning house (if you happen to find cleaning therapeutic). To do so, you'll need to not only free up your schedule, but free your mind of thoughts trying to convince you that you can't learn or can't clean. Perhaps it's difficult to not see the forest as just a bundle of trees. But a forest is more than trees, it's an entire system that supports itself in a perpetual cycle. Don't fill up your days with too many tasks, especially on your birthday. Pace the day with both the things you want to do and the things you have to do. The time around birthday will show you how to integrate the best of both worlds. We can have cake and eat it too, it's just a matter of pacing and doing things one at a time.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[cookierunauprompts]

Yo, is me, I was one of the anons with this prompt

“Idea, reader cookie wakes up from a nightmare and runs into pure vanilla and tells him what happened to them, he reassures them that they’ll be fine, and offering them to stay in his room for the night…little do they know, for that is not pure vanilla…”

Uh-if ya wanna do it that’s cool

I'm pretty sure the last time you sent this the ask bx was closed but Sure! I'm happy to do it now.

Set in the Warden!Reader Timeline btw, plus Warden Reader Lore. Under the cut because it's pretty long.

Requested Prompts #46 - 💔💓

You are the Warden of the Great Seal, created by the Witches to keep the sealed Beasts in check. Nothing more, nothing less. You patrol the realm of the seal tirelessly, perhaps day in day out. But you never knew what time it was there, nor how much time had passed. You just know that it's long judging by Eternal Sugar's complaints. After all, you are the Warden of the Seal. Nothing more, nothing less. It was the purpose the Witches made you for, right? You are the Warden of the Seal. Nothing more, nothing less. " But there HAS to be something more, right?" A voice nags at you, interrupting your patrol. You cannot identify its source, its likely just one of the Beasts messing with you again. You're almost like a chew toy to them. You can't even begin to recount the amount of times you've been torn apart, you tend to keep your distance from Burning Spice and Eternal Sugar. But it's fine, they are contained. You're doing a good job. They can't escape, they won't escape. You can't escape, you won't ever escape. You are the Warden of the Seal, nothing more, nothing less. You aren't meant to be anyone else. But what if you are? You are the Warden of the Seal. Nothing more, nothing less. Who were you before you were the warden? You are the Warden of the Seal. Nothing more, nothing less. Can you hear that breaking sound? You are the Warden of the Seal. Nothing more, nothing less. Can you smell that scent? You are the Warden of the Seal, keeping the Seal closed is your job. Can you taste that fresh air? You are the Warden of the Seal. Can you see the empty prisons? You may just suck at your job. Can you feel that you're alive?

----

You awake with a sharp gasp, grabbing your spear from next to where you were laying down. A bed, your mind supplies you with. More specifically, it's a bed in the... uh, where are you again? Come to think of it, there isn't supposed to be any beds inside the seal. So then where are you? And what happened? " Miss Warden?" You hear a voice, you quickly point your weapon at the source and- Oh, it's just Pure Vanilla Cookie. You slowly lowered your spear. " My apologies, but it seemed like you were having a nightmare. Are you alright?" " I- I'm fine. It was just a dream after all." You deflect, and you swear that for just a moment you can see Pure Vanilla Cookie's eye twitch. You remembered where you are now, this was the Faerie Kingdom. It was the home of the Silver Tree, otherwise known as the seal, and you'd left the seal to chase after Shadow Milk Cookie since he'd escaped(momentarily, you remind yourself). The main problem, was that White Lily Cookie had re-sealed Shadow Milk into the seal without you. So naturally, you were on edge. " Are you sure?" Pure Vanilla questioned you. " You did look quite disturbed, Little Warden. If there's anything troubling you, then don't be afraid to tell us." He then offered with a kind smile, it was nice of him to do so in fact. Except, there was just one thing that had made you skeptical. Sure, it was something nice but... " ... 'Little Warden'? You muttered aloud, just enough for Pure Vanilla to hear you. Wasn't Pure Vanilla at least a head shorter than you? So then why would he... Actually, wait. Pure Vanilla hadn't gone through a growth-spurt, right? Because he was simply too tall- Wait. Your formerly appreciative expression falters into a neutral grimace, you could smell the ash from the flames of chaos outside. You could see the cracks in his disguise, in fact, you could even see the maze you'd been trapped in with your new allies sitting on the drawers as if it were an innocent snow-globe, the maze also seemed to be contained in said snow-globe. You point your spear at him again, now knowing who he truly is. " Shadow Milk Cookie." You said sternly. " Drop that disguise you're wearing, I know it's you." The beast wearing Pure Vanilla's dough smirked, a grin far too wide present on his face. " Well well well well well! I didn't think you'd figure me out so soon~!" Shadow Milk's voice came through, he'd completely dropped any pretense that he could have been Pure Vanilla in the slightest way. The beast then dropped to the floor with a splat, melding back into the shadows. It isn't too long before you can feel him curl around you, back in his true shape, resting his head and hands upon your shoulders. You staggered in his grasp with a gasp, your spear dropping out of your hands as you lost your footing. " How'd you guess it was me? My silly lilttle Warden?~ Come on, I'm just crumbling to know!" He chirped, holding your weapon just out of reach. " You..." You almost growled, not willing to entertain the twisted entertainer before you. " What have you done to my allies? Why am I here? Did you give me that dream?" You calmly(or maybe coldly?) questioned him, you know that you shouldn't give in to his tomfoolery. " Oh no no no no no my dear, dreamland isn't my domain, that would be Eternal Sugar's." Shadow Milk chirped, so then... Had all the beast's gotten out? You couldn't help but feel a pang of dread settle in. " As for why you're here, well, you refused to stay put in my silly little maze of deceit! You ended up getting out so... I decided to bring you here!" " And 'here' would be...?" You asked, tilting your head back to look at him.

" The Spire of Deceit and Truth!" He hummed. " Oh, and if you're planning on escaping then don't even try to! Each floor of the spire is it's own maze of deceit, it's almost impossible to get out!" He says, as if you can't just jump off the balcony. He detaches from you, letting you fall back onto your surprisingly comfortable bed. It's only now that you realize just how large everything's gotten, your reminder that you were just a crumb compared to the beasts. The shadows collect and grow in mass, eventually all forming together to make Shadow Milk's towering form. " Well, I have to go now! All of Earthbread is waiting for my next performance! So just stay put here, you cute little thing~!" He chirped, all before disappearing in a flash of blue light. And now that you're given a moment longer to think, you come to a realization. You failed at your job, if all the other beasts got out then... the seal would have to be broken, heck, maybe even destroyed. And now, you're probably the only one who even has a chance of wrangling them all back up. Hopefully the seal can be repaired... If it's not entirely destroyed.

----

And there we go! finally got this out. I got too busy playing side order for splatoon three but now I am back on the grind! Mostly. (It's five AM as of posting this, don't worry I did in fact sleep.)

But anyways yeah! reader angst! yippee! This takes place in a more sort of 'things are going bad but we may or may not get a bad ending?' timeline for the Warden!Reader AU. Aka where all the beasts get out and Warden!Reader gets trapped in the maze for a while before figuring out she's in Shadow Milk's stupid fucking maze.

But however will the little warden defeat the five great beasts? Well, that's for you to figure out. I'm just the prompt guy(girl).

[echos-gal]

ok i'm rapidly losing hope that Tech is still alive, and this sucks because it was basically the top thing i desperately wanted from this season. i wanted to see him survive. so here's my exhaustive and embarrassingly long list of reasons why he SHOULD still be alive, and if he isn't, why it was a missed opportunity. obviously no hate to the writers or anything, i love them dearly for creating this show!!!

(if you're a "Tech should stay dead for the stakes/so someone in SW stays dead for once/i hate delusional Tech stans" person, kindly keep scrolling, this ain't for you)

SEASON 2:

right from the start, Romar connects with Tech and calls himself "a survivor." HELLO???

in this same arc, Tech breaks his leg in a fall which he survives. he continues to walk on it, fighting off troopers to save Echo & Omega, showcasing his persistence and grit.

one of Phee's first lines is "better late than dead," and we know she shares a connection with Tech. she flirts with him later in this scene. it would be a shame not to reuse this line, i'm just saying....

Cid still owes Tech for racing for her in Faster. we see Cid looking miserable as she betrays the batch in Plan 99, so her playing a part in his rescue/comeback would be a nice way to show her growth. (i'm afraid there isn't enough time for this, though- as much as i thought a Cid redemption was on the horizon!)

Phee and Tech's departure is awkward, and although we have some context from season 3 (they talked more than we realized), the scene would do best if reconciled in person imo. it felt like it was setting up for something, and feels weird to leave hanging.

"don't go running off with any pirates or smugglers" could not have just been a throw away line. it set up for him to do exactly that. how fitting would it be if pirates or smugglers actually did manage to pick him up before the empire made it to the railcar crash site?

Hemlock's retrieval of the goggles shows that he sent a team to look through the wreckage. he thought there was a chance Tech survived, and may have him.

i won't go into the logistics, but big falls ARE survivable. in star wars especially. we have no idea what was below the layer of clouds/mist Tech fell through.

SEASON 3:

this is mostly CX-2 centric. their armor is very similar: the jaw/mouth shape, the hexagons over the ears, the rectangles on the chest, and the pouches/pockets.

"domicile." that is all.

CX-2 uses technology more than the other operatives we've seen, and he gets past the encryption on Phee's ship with ease.

"who are you?" was enunciated in the exact same way Tech says it to Trace and Rafa, which i definitely think was intentional.

CX-2 stops to use his rifle scope in the exact same spot where Tech and Phee stood to let down the ladders in the sea surge on Pabu.

he survives a waterfall plunge on Teth, which appears to have fooled Rex's group into thinking he'd died. the writers could have killed him off there and sent a new operative, but they chose to stick with CX-2 pursuing them to Pabu.

it's worth noting that while this CX is designated as "2," Tech's CT number is CT-9902. he is associated with the number even on a visual level: he's a dual-wielder, he wears goggles, he salutes with two fingers.

FROM A STORY PERSPECTIVE:

firstly, i am sorry and i LOVE the writers, but if you want people to accept a character's death, you've got to show his family and friends' grief. we saw no reaction from Crosshair or Phee, no tears from Hunter or Echo. it feels like fans were sadder about Tech's death than the characters in the story.

Tech seems to have been mentioned more in the second half of season 3 than the first half, which works if they want to bring him back in the finale.

the finale is called "The Cavalry Has Arrived." i really don't think you can have the cavalry (aka the bad batch) arrive without every member present. i also don't think it would feel right to play their theme without Tech there. idk, that feels incomplete!

we saw no body, and Hunter received Tech's goggles not from a trusted ally or friend, but from Hemlock. this calls into question the legitimacy of his claim that the goggles were "all he could salvage."

Tech alive and being held on Tantiss would provide a nice parallel to Echo in the first mission where we meet the batch, in TCW. and [ep 14 SPOILERS] we see that Echo is currently looking more like his TCW self, with his earpiece removed.

feels kinda sour that a character who a lot of people related to as neurodivergent representation would die just a few episodes after having a deep conversation with his sister about it.

likewise (and as a white woman i can't speak for WOC), from what i have seen, Black women are rarely the main love interest of a series! Phee is the ONLY love interest in this whole show, and it would suck to just cut off that romance before it could really become something. a lot of people wanted to see TechPhee become canon.

CX-2 is the one who destroys the marauder. it works well storywise for its pilot to have been the one to do that- the person who worked so hard modifying it, flying it, and teaching his sister to fly it. i'll be lowkey pissed if it turns out some random dude blew it up.

it's also CX-2 who invades and sets fire to Pabu. this is emotionally gripping on its own, but if he is Tech, it's even more so.

we have no idea what the operatives go through. Crosshair isn't telling, but it clearly put him in a really bad place. if Tech underwent this conditioning in his post-fall injured state, there's a chance he could come back from it. Emerie is probably the key to this, if they take the CX-2 route.

this show is all about a family trying to stay together as the Empire desperately tries to rip them apart. seeing the whole family together again - even if not everyone survives - in the finale is the satisfaction that the show ideally would go for. the last time they were all together was the season 1 finale. that was about 2 years ago in the show's timeline.

leaving Crosshair and Tech's final interactions be where they parted on the Kamino platform also feels off. Tech was the one who really vocalized the need to rescue Crosshair in season 2's finale. Crosshair, in the meantime, has changed significantly as a person. Tech's comment about Crosshair being "severe and unyielding," and unable to change this facet of his nature, is incorrect. leaving Tech dead would mean that he never gets to see this change in Crosshair, which makes me feel like a deflated balloon.

FROM MY SELFISH PERSPECTIVE!!!

give me Tech with cool scars and slightly disheveled longer hair. this is such a good opportunity for the creators to give him a sweet new look!

we never got to see Tech without his goggles on, despite Phee constantly referring to his eyes. he definitely doesn't have them right now (they're in the Archium), so we could get Mister Big Brown Eyes if he's alive. it's another missed opportunity if not, imo!

the goggles being placed in the Archium was a beautiful scene that makes me tear up whenever i think about it. it's symbolic, it's bittersweet, and it's exactly where the goggles belong. but was it closure for me? not really.

Tech is a character who became a LOT of people's favorite in season 2, including my own. why kill off a fan-favorite with an entire season to go?

yes, i desperately want a Rex and Echo series. yes, i want the batch to cameo in it, and yes... that includes Tech. making up for lost season 3 Tech content 😎

the finale will feature the zillo beast, and Tech loves the zillo beast. FREE HER! REUNITE THEM! he would love to witness her rampage.

FROM A "SURPRISE!!!!!" PERSPECTIVE

it seems like most people think Tech is either CX-2 or dead. it would be a great finale twist if we DID get CX-2's identity, it's NOT Tech, the audience loses hope, and then he shows up. i think this is actually plausible given the other assassin schematics Hemlock was looking at in Point of No Return. Tech might be in Hemlock's grasp, but not an active operative. having an enhanced clone to toy with is something Hemlock would want to keep under wraps. we see him step out of the assassin chamber at the start of that episode - if Tech is anywhere on Tantiss, i think it's here.

i think the writers have expected us to have all lost hope by now, so his finale reappearance would ideally come as a shock. the finale is almost guaranteed to be a very long episode, so we really might have quite a bit of time to explore his return, if it happens.

secret 16th episode: i know, i'm putting my clown makeup on as i type this. but the previous 2 seasons each had 16 episodes, with a two-parter finale. season 3 is just 15, with a single episode finale. TBB formally ends may 1st, so what if we get a may 4th surprise episode detailing how Tech survived? (that or an epilogue leading into a new series, which i think is more likely actually!)

[hornedstorys]

POTA Caesar x reader - turning page part 2

Warnings: sfw, Caesar & the reader get a little closer, friends to lovers, slight angst, slow burn

Content: Caesar was alive and you still felt connected, even though you hadn't seen each other for years. But it was strange for him to see you again.

German Version

You stared wide-eyed at the ape above you, while you slowly sat up. He was alive? Caesar was alive! Tears streamed down your cheek and the next moment you wrapped your arms around his neck. He tensed noticeably under your sudden touch, but as your familiar, sweet scent burned into his senses, he could no longer hold back. He wrapped his, much larger and stronger, arms around your trembling form and hugged you tightly.

His fur felt slightly rough, but as soon as your fingers sank deeper into the dark hair, they softened. He smelled of rain and moss. You had missed him so much and now all your emotions that you had been holding in all this time were coming to the surface.

"You're hurt," a rough voice suddenly came through to you and your eyes widened. You pulled away from the big ape and stared at him in disbelief.

"You… you can talk?" you asked, completely confused and amazed. You knew from back then that Caesar could understand sign language, so you had often talked to him, even if your friendship had mostly taken place without much communication. The fact that he could now speak words fascinated you even more, but slowly it came back to you.

After Caesar was gone, Will and you had an argument and it came out that Caesar was no ordinary ape and what was being done in the lab. It all made so much more sense now. The chimp's level of intelligence, the way he managed to sense understanding, his rapid growth spurt. Just everything.

You tried to get up, but the pain came back and almost made you fall. Strong arms quickly wrapped around your exhausted form and held you tight.

"Let me… help you," the rough voice came through to you again and you looked up at Caesar. My goodness, when did he get so big? You felt so small in his arms. He seemed to sense your discomfort.

"You needn't be afraid," he breathed and his serious look softened.

"I'm not afraid, Caesar. I'm just in pain and… and I never expected to see you again," you confessed to him in a shaky voice. You could feel your eyes stinging from the tears that were welling up. Caesar's gaze was unreadable.

But before he could react, there was a crack in the trees and you flinched. Your mouth dropped as you recognized dozens of monkeys in the treetops. They sat there on the branches like black shadows and dozens of eyes scrutinized you intently.

The monkeys had carefully brought you home, even though one of them was rather reluctant to help an annoying human, but you ignored the hostile bonobo.

You had countless questions buzzing around in your head, but they wouldn't be answered for a while. You were still too angry with Will for lying to you all these years. How could he? You could feel how disappointed you were and how it was pulling the rug out from under you, but you couldn't change it now. You had to take life as it came and you were glad that Caesar had found you, even if you didn't know what to do next.

It took you a few minutes to reach the monkey village and the sight made your mouth drop open. High walls of tree trunks surrounded the apes' home and curious looks met your eyes as the gate was opened. Countless gorillas pushed their way in. They seemed to be the gatekeepers. The ape who supported you, his name was Rocket as far as you remembered, led you to a fireplace where an elderly ape lady was crushing something in a mortar.

With a grin, the monkey snapped the female out of her thoughts and she looked up, startled, when she saw you.

"She's… hurt," Caesar gestured, "take care of her," his voice sounded a little harsh to your ears, but apparently the female ape didn't take offense and started looking at your body. Your gaze wanders briefly to Caesar, who is looking at you with indefinable eyes. I wonder what he was thinking? He seemed more withdrawn than the last time you saw each other and somehow your heart tightened when you saw the monkey's monotonous look.

Caesar surveyed the scene before him, how thoroughly Moose was taking care of you. You certainly had bruised ribs and he could see a bruise on your forehead. You were smeared with dirt, panic was in your eyes and you were thin. Too thin to be healthy.

"What's a human doing here?" Koba asked gruffly, scrutinizing you with a hateful look. He hated humans and seeing his leader bring one back to the colony made his blood boil.

"She'll stay… For now," he growled gruffly, not allowing the bonobo to raise his voice in front of him. Sometimes it annoyed him how withdrawn Koba was and somehow it annoyed him even more towards you. His eyes glanced at the other apes who had moved towards you and were looking at you curiously. Caesar shooed them away with a growl. They still had enough time to deal with you.

He looked at you again and chaos reigned inside him. It had been a long time since he had last seen you and he didn't know what to feel. Images flashed before his mind's eye of you playing together, the gentle closeness you had before your last night when Will had brought Caesar to the monkey house. And your words.

"I love you, Caesar"

These words had often accompanied him in his sleep when he was awake. They kept echoing in his head and he still didn't know how to interpret them. But the gentle touch of your hand on his cheek had burned itself into his memory and his eyelids closed briefly.

Moose handed you a bowl of meat as she fed you. You thanked her in sign language and she was clearly surprised that you knew sign language. You smiled slightly and bit into the meat greedily. You didn't care what it was because you were just so ravenous. You let it melt in your mouth with relish, it had been far too long since you had last eaten meat.

"How… are… You?" Caesar's voice suddenly came to you and you looked up at him. You still had the big piece of meat in your mouth and you must have looked like a wild animal in his eyes, but there was a slightly amused expression on his face, despite the fact that his brow was furrowed.

He looked so menacing with his war paint on his body. It reminded you of a skeleton and the white made his green eyes stand out even more. His whole aura seemed more menacing, more grown-up, somehow darker too. You were not surprised that he was the leader of the colony. He was tall, strong and extremely intelligent, just like before.

"Yes, I've been well looked after," you said, smiling shyly at him, he just nodded and then suddenly offered you his hand. First you looked at it, then you hesitantly accepted it. The chimpanzee pulled you up with ease and led you to the nests.

"You can sleep here," he gestured and then pointed to a higher area that led into a cave.

"If you need anything…, I sleep up there. My nest," you followed his gesture and you nodded. You stood there in silence for a few seconds, not daring to say anything. You felt overwhelmed.

"I…" you started, but the words got stuck in your mouth and panic rose up inside you. You felt hot and warm at the same time and you could feel tears in your eyes. Caesar noticed your restlessness and it made him nervous too and he could see that something was bothering you and his assessment was enough to understand that you were completely overwhelmed by the situation and he understood.

"You're alone?" he asked you, trying to ease the tension. You lowered your gaze and wrapped your arms around yourself, feeling a little cold.

"Yes. I escaped when people went crazy because of the virus…" your voice became shakier, but you took a deep breath and tried to stand firm, "A lot of people died, just like…",

"Will," Caesar interrupted you and you nodded weakly.

"I didn't have anyone and I was scared of people," you confessed to him, wrapping your hands tighter around your upper arms. Suddenly Caesar ran his hands over your goosebumps and you shook. He handed you a large animal skin and you accepted it gratefully.

"Afraid of… Apes?" he continued to ask, scrutinizing your facial expressions. You shook your head.

"I'm probably more afraid of humans than apes right now."

"You needn't…, be afraid. Here safe…, for you," he spoke and you nodded. The sun was slowly setting and it was getting dark. You looked around the small cave, a fire was already burning in the middle to brighten up the cave. Further back you could see a nest padded with fur. You gently stroked the deer fur, the other reminded you of bear.

Moose had handed you a bowl of water and you could at least clean yourself up a bit. Maybe there was a river nearby, you would check tomorrow. You lay down on the furs and felt how exhausted you were. It wasn't long before your eyelids grew heavy and you slowly drifted into a dreamless sleep.

When you were woken the next day by the sun's rays tickling your nose, you stretched. Then you saw someone sitting by the fire and you flinched, but you quickly relaxed again when you saw who it was.

Caesar was staring into the flames and you cautiously moved towards him. He still had the white in his fur, only it seemed to have washed out a bit.

"Good morning, Caesar," you greeted him and he nodded at you with a gentle look. You wondered what he was doing here. You sat down next to him, right across from him.

"I really missed you, Caesar," you managed to get out and you licked your lips.

"It's been…, a long time," he grinned and looked up from the flames and looked you straight in the eyes, you felt nervous under his deep gaze and you really couldn't fathom what he was thinking, "I've…. I missed you too," he continued and a sigh escaped his lips.

"I so wanted to get you out of that stupid monkey prison," you gulped and Caesar lowered his eyelids and shook his head.

"Not…, your fault," he snorted, then stood up and sat down next to you. Your shoulders touched and a pleasant shiver ran down your spine, but you tried to shake off the thought. He was a ape and you shouldn't feel that way. But his closeness did you good and you laid your head against his shoulder and breathed in his scent. He even smelled different than he did that night. He smelled like rain, smoke and forest and you had to admit to yourself that you liked it.

"My…, top?" he asked, tugging at the fabric you were wearing. You smiled.

"Yes. It reminded me of you every day. The last few years haven't been easy and it's given me some comfort to have something with me that reminds me of my family. Of home," you looked into his eyes without breaking contact. Caesar looked down at you.

"Family? Caesar… Family? Home?" he asked, inwardly hoping it was true. You were family, you grew up together and you had a connection, even if it had been years since you last saw each other. He had never forgotten you and he never would. Your familiar eyes, your familiar scent, the familiar sound of your voice. He could never and would never forget that.

"I… I should have looked for you… Should have," he mumbled and your eyes widened and you rested your hand on his arm, "wasn't sure… if you were going to…" he interrupted himself as your grip on his arm tightened and he looked down at the small hand that looked so tiny on his thick arm.

"Caesar, it's all good. I might as well have been looking for you, but I wasn't sure you were alive either," you gritted your teeth and peered into the flames. Outside, you could already hear the apes screaming and the commotion. Caesar sensed the tension in the air and pulled himself to his feet, he held out his hand to you again and you looked up at him.

"Go for a swim," was the only thing he said before pulling you up.

PS: Yes, the part with Will and Caesar at the end of the first part was not mentioned. I'm still thinking about whether to include them or leave it as it is, since the story is being rewritten a bit anyway.

[dg-outlaw]

Batman #148 Thoughts... or Why Jason Todd is Awesome and Batman Doesn't Deserve Him.

So... I know a lot of the discussion about this issue has been about what happens to Jason, and IYKYK. What I want to discuss are parts of the rest of the issue and why I think Jason is one of the best characters (and more than how many perceive him). *spoilers ahead*

I know many outsiders and even those in fandom look at Jason Todd or the Red Hood and think of him as the hot, angsty edge lord who isn't afraid to break Batman's one rule. He's cool and badass so you want to be like him or he's the romantic fantasy bad boy with a soft side. These things are fine, but this is often where people stop with Jason or if they dislike him the above descriptions are why.

Some people want him to be an antagonist again because villains are cool and this is where we get things like 'The Boys' because it's edgy, subversive, or some intelligent deconstruction of superheroes. Colorful and honorable superheroes like Superman or Spider-Man are boring, just a fantasy, or for kids who don't understand the real world. Again, fine if that's your take, but I don't believe that one "graduates" from one to the other.

Beyond the Fast and Furious style cool factor of fast cars, guns, and explosions that often get associated with Jason, there's more to him than that and it's why he's still one of my favorites. Hell, this is the same character that writers thought would be a priest in the Flashpoint universe, a universe that had gone to hell in a handbasket but in all that chaos and darkness he became a PRIEST.

(The World of Flashpoint: Issue #2)

Say what you will about organized religion, Christianity, or the Catholic church (because there are definitely issues there), but I think two of Jason's core traits that I admire are his faith and hope. Traits that often get Jason hurt by the people closest to him, but that often see him through the darkest times.

The cheapness of using Jason's "death" aside, these traits are seen again in Batman #148. Not only is Jason willing to put his faith in Bruce again (after everything "not" Bruce did to him in Gotham War), but he's the first down into the cave.

This isn't blind faith, but a willingness to try. A hope that maybe this time he won't be hurt, even if time and time again history has proven otherwise. Note: This can be a slippery and dangerous slope and not one without consequences as many people fall into the trap of going back into or staying in toxic relationships that only bring them pain. (And I never said his greatest strengths can't also be his greatest weaknesses).

We also see some emotional maturity and growth in this issue and I love that for Jason. Has he been going to therapy? Maybe, but my money is that he's probably been reading lots of self-help books or something.

Does Bruce deserve this level of forgiveness and compassion from Jason? No, but Jason gives it to him anyway. I also feel like this is a soft challenge from Jason. "I'm not here to save you from yourself or to ask you to save me. We do this together or not at all."

And if you're thinking, "Oh no, Jason has gone soft. Not my Jason Todd!" He's still a cheeky bastard in battle, even when he's on the ropes.

Now, for Jason's "death", one could say that it was a cheap ploy by the writer or DC to get people talking or to have a random "Jason dies" scene (though he's revived in the same issue so I feel the emotional stakes/hype are less compared to leaving it open-ended until the next issue).

One could also look at it in a cynical light given it's Jason that Bruce brings down into the cave during the flashback reveal with the secret Lazarus Kool-Aid. Did Bruce plan that knowing Jason would volunteer in some sort of reverse psychology manipulation? Was it just a random plot explanation to justify having the "Jason dies" scene? Who knows? Though I think Dick or Tim would've volunteered as well. But my focus is on the conversation.

This is another example of Jason's hope and faith, and his faith in Bruce. Bruce's plan isn't tested, though one could assume that he's done the math so to speak, but it's still Jason literally putting his life in Bruce's hands. It's also fairly clever because if Failsafe is some echo of Batman, then something in his programming probably knows about the emotional pain of Jason's initial death. So not only is "killing" going to make him glitch out, but killing Jason is probably the ultimate Failsafe glitch.

Deep down I think Jason knows how much he means to Bruce, even if Bruce is terrible at showing it sometimes. He's willing to take the risk and die, not for Bruce, but for the greater good of saving the day.

Let's also not forget that in the span of a short amount of (in-universe) time, Jason has saved the entire East Coast (end of Gotham War), Gotham City (end of The Joker: The Man Who Stopped Laughing), and is now ready to die again to stop Failsafe--all while his brain is still probably a little messed up from Gotham War.

Let this young man take a damn vacation!

Was this issue perfect? No. And I agree with others about it not being cool that Steph, Cass, and Duke got sidelined as the clean-up crew, but I do think it showed a lot of Jason's deeper character (flawed or not) and how he's more than just the edgy, sarcastic bad boy. That part of him is just the hard candy shell he's had to create to protect the gooey center that is his hope, faith, and love. After all, Damian has previously (and rightly) called him out as the "emotional one".

P.S. I know my previous post picked on Jason's Red Hood outfit at the end and I still stand by the fact that it wasn't my favorite, but seeing that it's Jorge Jimenez's art, I can forgive it. I love most of Jorge's art and would kill (not literally) to be as talented as him, but that outfit design is still a no for me. Sorry, Jorge. :(

[kritischetheologie]

Advice for a 26 year old? Apart from the normal.

oh jeez. oh gosh. I just turned 30 and my god if I could undo 90% of the decisions I made between 24 and 29... anyway here's some advice that I do think is generally applicable and isn't just me talking to my younger self. and also a little bit of me talking to my younger self.

At some point between 22 and 30, you will find that hangovers are instantly 3x worse than before. The only silver lining on this fact is that having to cut yourself off earlier in the night is cheaper. But mostly this is one of those aging things you just need to accept.

2. You need to find a form of physical activity that works with the body and the lifestyle you currently have. I don't care if you played [insert sport here] in college. If you're only able to play it once a week, you will injure yourself trying to perform at the same level you did previously. The people I know who have the worst relationships with their bodies are the ones who get stuck in the cycle of pushing themselves too hard, getting injured, having to take time off, lather rinse repeat. Find ways to move your body that make you feel like you inhabit it fully, that make you proud of what you can do now, that get your mind engaged, that expose you to the goofy experience of being bad at something new... let go of whatever came before and live in the now.

3. If your reproductive system came with ovaries, a uterus, etc: for the next decade of your life, everyone is going to have opinions on what you do with it, and these opinions are going to be self-contradictory. knowledge is power. learn about your hormonal cycle, so you can know what's going on in the body you inhabit. I highly recommend tracking your cycles-- there's a million apps that will do it, pick the one whose UI makes you want to throw up the least. This is important no matter what you want to do with your reproductive system. Learning to recognize the signs of where you are in your cycle, the effect of different hormones on your mood, etc. can help you predict and adjust for the way you fluctuate throughout the month. Tracking your cycles can also help you catch hormonal irregularities, issues like PCOS, etc. Find an ob-gyn you can be honest with about what you want to do with your body. get pap smears--I'm constantly amazed how many of my friends get regular STI testing but always forget about pap smears (cervical cancer is no joke).

4. second of all (this is a subset of #3, but tumblr doesn't let me do sub points): when it comes to the question of whether and how to reproduce, you have to decide what is important to you and be willing to defend it. maybe you know you want like six kids, you know you never want kids. maybe you're queer, and you aren't going to be doing it the old-fashioned way, and you know you really want to gestate a child, or really don't. maybe you feel strongly about passing on your genes, or about not. I would encourage you to think seriously and capaciously about reproductive options. by this I mean: don't just sit around waiting to someday wake up knowing. treat the question as an invitation to explore. think about all the ways that people build families. meet people who have fostered, who have adopted, who have had children alone by choice (or not by choice). look at the people around you, and the trade-offs they have made, and decide which lives look the best to you. pay attention to the people whose lives make you go "shit, I didn't realize you were allowed to do that," or "how do they get away with that?" or even, "who do they think they are, doing that?" I think we have an overly negative view of envy as an emotion. it can point you towards what you really want. and if there's things you want to accomplish before you reproduce, career-wise, or in terms of personal growth, or just a whole bucket list of shit you want to do, get started checking things off that list, and also don't be afraid to add more.

5. this one was also originally part of 3 but it also gets its own block because tumblr keeps trying to cut me off and it's super important anyway: you have so much more time to do everything than our culture wants you to think. you have time to change your mind about what you want, even. but you don't have time to drift on the cloud of vague ideas you internalized from your parents and the walt disney corporation. that's not me saying not to get straight married and do it the old-fashioned way, or not to become a doctor because your family wanted you to, or whatever. that's me saying that even if you're going to do that, you get to--you have to--decide what that relationship, or that career, looks like. you get as much say in building that life as anyone else. in both your personal and your professional life, you have time to pivot, to start over, but if the prospect of being 29 when you finish a three year pivot horrifies you, you need to realize that starting it at 32 will be even worse. that post about how "it takes three years" "the time's gonna pass anyway" is so fucking true. I'm still learning this one.

6. Making friends as an adult is as hard as everybody says it is. You have to be the one who does the ask. You will feel like the one doing the ask more often. Do it anyway. A corollary: if you were ever very, very close with someone, and you've drifted apart due to time and space, there is no amount of time and space that will make them not glad to hear from you if you reach out. don't think that if you haven't spoken to someone in a year you're not allowed to again. you don't even need an excuse. you can literally just hit them up like "hey, i'm sorry it's been so long since we've talked. i'd love to catch up-- i miss you! let me know when you're free for a phone call." and it will work. everyone is as lonely as you. people are so grateful to be asked. but also, everyone isn't going to be your best friend. if you can go to an event, or join a thing, or work in a place, and come out with one true friend, and keep adding one true friend everywhere you go, you'll have a whole bunch by the time you hit 30.

7. there is no correct amount of maturity for your late 20s. some of your friends are going to hit what feels like their 30s early-- doing all the conventional bourgeois success markers, the marriages and the houses and the babies. some of your friends are going to keep partying like they're still in college. I wish this was the part where I told you there was a secret third thing (the secret third thing is doing both, at the same time, and it's maybe the worst of all). for the next five years of your life, I need you to just stop thinking about your "developmental milestones." facebook and instagram and your parents' friends are going to make this hard for you. remind yourself that you're not a toddler. there's nothing you're supposed to be able to do at this age. there's nowhere you're supposed to be at this age. this realization can be really hard to handle, especially for people who got validated earlier in life for doing things early. it's impossible to read above grade level once you're out of high school. that freedom is hard. i'm not being condescending, it's genuinely fucking hard.

8. the conclusion of #7 is a subset of this: the great tradeoff of adulthood is that you get agency, but you have to take responsibility. if you find yourself in a situation where it feels like you have responsibility but no agency-- where you're constantly being blamed, but never get to call the shots, for example-- get the fuck out. whether that's a relationship, a job, whatever it is. if you find yourself exercising agency but not taking responsibility, sit with yourself and learn how to own your choices. you can't only have one.

9. if you aren't sure what you're doing with your career, you could do a hell of a lot worse than just trying to be whoever it is you wanted to be when you were 10. or at least, asking yourself what it was you liked about that thing, and figuring out a way to do it. if you aren't sure what to do with your career, get a job that pays your bills, and find fulfillment in the things you do in your free time, instead, for a while.

10. the thing I regret most about my late 20s is how much of it I spent in the waiting room of my own life. assuming that I would be leaving a place I lived, so not investing myself in making friends there. assuming that eventually, things would either get better, or worse, in a relationship, so I would be able to tell whether it was working or not. you have to sit down every fucking day (ok, not literally every day, but like... many of them)... and think about the life you want to have someday, and then you have to do one concrete thing to make that real in the moment. every day. and if you have some vision of where you want to end up eventually, but you're miserable every single day of the path toward that thing, I need you to consider seriously that achieving that goal will not make it worthwhile. I'm not saying to blow everything off and sit on the beach every day, but fuck, man. I spent, like, 26 to 29 hanging on white knuckled to a life that I thought was setting me up to be where I wanted to be when I was literally, like, 60, and eventually I just said you know what? I've got 30 fucking years to get somewhere good at 60, and I'm miserable right now. don't hold your present self hostage to the future.

11. get a cool fucking jacket and make it your entire personality. or a big pair of boots. or a haircut, or a tattoo. you might feel like a poser, at first, but you have to do it anyway. actually, that's a general rule: trying to be the person you want to be will always feel like being a poser at first. do it anyway. that's how it becomes real.

12. it's genuinely offensive how often the solution to what feels like the world ending is drinking a half-liter of water and having a snack.

[gleefullypolin]

Initial thoughts on first watch through of Part 2

I will need to watch the season again a few more times as I was overwhelmed to be sure as a lot was going on. But my quick thoughts on storylines...

I'll start with my least favorite part. Sorry but it's the elephant in the room.

Ben.

I cannot. Every time they wasted screentime to go back to him fucking, I was like. God no, please make it stop. I mean I got it the first three times we showed it. Was it really necessary to keep harping on it. Honestly, shit or get off the pot with Ben's story. I'm bored and I don't know where they are going with this. I'm disinterested now.

Fran/John

This got better for me in the back half than the first half. I took no interest in them in the first 4 episodes. it was a snooze fest and while I would not watch a full season of them, they were cute in the back half and while the "dying breath" line was a bit harsh (seriously writers was that necessary) I'm even less interested in exploring a full season of Fran's actual story, not because it's been gender bended to Michaela, I just don't care for Fran's character. Personal opinion, sorry.

Kate/Anthony

Loved competitive Anthony at game night, we are the same Anthony, truly first borns. Kate has relaxed him for sure tho. Loved how he seemed to truly support his siblings, first with Colin and again with Fran in their choices to marry. Wished we could have seen his face when Pen announced she was LW after he was so clear that there was no way anyone could be her under his nose as RULER over the Bridgerton lands or some shit. Would have been a delight to see, yet...he did once again run off and leave his duty as leader of the Bridgerton family once again. For all this fandom screams that Anthony is the only man of the house with the actual job and responsibility he has yet once again disappeared from it yet again. No matter, there was little of this duo for me to take true aim at this season and thus not much for me to say other than what I have.

So moving on....

Cressida

What is there to say...Who's afraid of the big bad BITCH. Well not Pen. And no one else, for off to the country she goes and good on ya! Sorry, don't let the door hit ya on the way out. I'm not sad to see you and your big ass sleeves go.

Violet/Marcus

Tend that garden girl. TEND THAT GARDEN! That's all I gotta say, S4 is gonna bring Mama Bridgerton her just desserts! It was lovely seeing her navigating the dating mart and being nervous herself. I can't wait to see her needing to lean on Lady D and her children as she tries to figure this out herself next season.

Eloise

I was up, I was down. I was on the floor in anger and tears and then crying with joy. I understood you, I swore at you, I still love you dearly. There is much for you to learn about love and the world and I will welcome you home to do that. I did feel like she grew a lot this season. She was confused by love. Love of Pen, Love of Colin, love of being a woman in society and finding her way in what all of that means again. It was nice to see that. I loved her scenes with Colin and Pen and even with Benedict. I do look forward to her season as I feel like she had the most growth this season and while I feel like Ben's is next (boo) she can't be far behind, though I would welcome them doing her and Ben together in 4 at this point since it takes so fucking long to film these.

The Featheringtons

The most growth came from the family. Portia, Pru, and Phillipa had a lot of growth. Between mama being put in her place, then having to face how she has treated her daughter, how she sees her daughter, and then realizing how her daughter is stronger than she realized was quite the journey. And then beyond that seeing the jealousy the sisters had for Pen all along, the way it burned in them because some part of them always felt that their mama loved her most, favored her most even with her treatment. That all the girls really wanted was love of their mama. Seeing that family all together at the end, not jealous of who had the heir, just happy, with their families was beautiful.

Colin

Oh dear sensitive Colin Bridgerton. You really are a soft angel boy. He was so in love, so smitten and we needed that for him to understand how he felt up front but the moment he found out about Pen, you could feel the heart break, the confusion, the anger, the loss. And it didn't just magically heal. He loved Pen, he knew that but the burn inside to reconcile that he couldnt tear LW from her, couldn't rip it from her soul was literally a dark cloud over him for the back half. I took no issue with his words in anger, the were to be expected. He no more meant them or believed them than the stupid ass words people say in anger or stating he would never court her. They were simply words.

His mother was right. He is sensitive. Sleeping on the couch, pouting everywhere. He could not reconcile his thoughts. Could not get her to give up LW for anything and his brain could not comprehend. It was only when he went back to her letters that he realized Pen was not LW, LW was Pen. He loved ONE woman and they were the same woman. He also needed to stop taking control and stop trying to save the day. Pen was a capable woman and he needed to stop trying to control her.

I think the greatest thing about Colin as a character is that he is a sensitive person who loves wholly. He is able to put away the notion of the MAN needing to be the one who runs things. He lets her be a partner with him, in sex, in life, in their roles. This is shown not just in the fact he lets her take on how to fix the LW situation in the end, but also having her on top in the bedroom in their final sex scene. She's a participant in their marriage, not a submissive wife. This is refreshing in this world and I'm happy to see it in Colin.

Penelope

What a ride for Pen she had. She was faced with giving up her dreams to let Colin thrive in his. And she was willing to do so, lets just preface they gave us that scene where she put away LW for us to transition to Colin finally losing his writers block and happily writing away. She gave it up only to be faced with a challenge and needing to take up the quill again. Pen needed to save the Bridgertons and did so later on but she was willing to give everything up for Colin.

I loved her convos with Gen and how it was another woman who allowed her to see that women did not need to give up their worth for men. AMEN! No one said, Colin needed to give up his dreams but Pen absolutely was able to have hers too. I loved this and then to see her stand up to Colin in their second fight, to let her voice be heard to him and not let him talk over her was also important.

The fact that Pen stood up for herself, diverging from the books where Colin does this for her in the books, having Pen stand up for herself thus saving herself and outing herself to the ton, I liked this. Pen was able to put LW away and use her OWN voice to the ton and explain to everywhere why she created this entire empire. I thought this was beautifully done and then having her let Colin out of the marriage afterwards so that she basically put them now on a level playing field was perfect. His speech at that point should be put in a museum because it leveled me. I think this put them finally into the right place for their marriage and lets them begin as equals. They both have a career, they both have a purpose, they have each other and they do things together. She's not out there alone anymore.

What a fucking journey. God I love this show.

So yeah, I know I'm seeing people upset, they didn't get the spoilers they wanted, didn't get some pieces they built up and you are allowed to feel that way. I think my only gripe I have is that our sex montage was cut from the show and instead we got too much Ben and his tiresome threesome that went no where. So that is my only gripe. Give me that deleted scene and I'll be happy forever. Otherwise....

Polin is life! I loved everything they gave us and I have no complaints.

A+++ They have a happy fan from me.

[gophergal]

Behold, a silly AU I've been yapping to @cursed--alien about for... A week? Or two? Idk. Either way this is what they called Nine Mercs And A Baby, in which Medic creates a test tube baby (using his and Heavy's genetics) to develop an artificial womb then gets really attached to the resulting offspring. I'm not much of a fankid or kidfic person (kids weird me out), but this AU has really grown on me despite being a joke at first

(more details under the cut)

Before their "birth", Medic refused to acknowledge the question of what he was planning on doing with the baby if it survived. After it was born he claimed that he was only keeping it to study human growth and development first hand

Medic is extremely weird about fatherhood. He's simultaneously really anxious and distant. He knows he's not cut out to be a primary caregiver. It's just not something he's capable of, and he thinks himself too old for this nonsense. However, once he realizes that he really does have the support of his dysfunctional found family, he allows himself to learn to be a better father

The kid was raised relatively gender neutral. Ever read the book "X: a fabulous child's story"? They're not quite that neutral, but they're not really forced into gender roles or expectations. They have two first names (one feminine, one masculine), but no one in their family uses them. Most of the time they're just called the Kid, but everyone has a nickname for 'em. They don't care about pronouns all that much. (C'mon, they're my OC and I headcanon Medic as transmasc. There was no way they wouldn't be some flavor of nonbinary)

Heavy treasures his child and is so fucking protective. He's wrapped around their little finger. Though everyone helps out with their needs, he's his child's primary caregiver and no decisions are made about them without Papa Bear knowing

They're born in 1968 and spend the first four years of their life living on the base. MvM doesn't happen in this AU, so once the Gravel Wars end, Red Team goes their separate ways... At first. After a year or so they start trickling back together because nothing feels quite as right as being A Team. Kid only had about a year of their life where they didn't have a big family to rely on

It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but the only Major Issue in the family (at least for Kid) is how distant Medic is despite being their actual Legal Father. He tries, but he's afraid of smothering them or pressuring them into following in his footsteps. Had he been younger when they were born, he probably wouldn't have cared. But having the opportunity to form strong bonds has made him a softer man. Regardless, they still love each other, and Kid feels lucky to have a dad like him

[swimmingismywholelife]

Miracles in December

Summary: You haven't seen your best friend since his injury. And only a Christmas Miracle will bring him back to you.

Warning: ANGST but fluffy ending, platonic best friend!Gavi, mentions of Gavi's injuries, light arguments, insecurity, guilt 

WC: 5K

A/N: 🎶On the third day of Ficmas, my writer gave to me a fic withbest friend!Gavi🎶 If you're new here, I bleed Blaugrana. I've been a Barca fan since I was a kid and that club means everything to me. That being said, Gavi is one of my favorite players and my son and I'm absolutely devastated that he's had such a major injury. I don’t typically write for Gavi (he's a literal baby to me), but I wanted to write something to show my support for him. So this is dedicated to him. Estamos contigo. Mucha fuerza Gavi y te queremos ❤️💙

Link for the Song: Miracles in December

"Oh, I didn't know how thankful your love was, oh

I thought it would stop once it ended, oh

But every day, I'm fixing

Myself to want you

I think my love will endlessly continue."

~~~

You knocked on the door, your duffle bag over one shoulder, trying to shake off the snow.

"Hola, Aurora," you said to the person who opened the door.

"Hola, Y/N, come in! You must be freezing right now!" Aurora answered, gesturing for you to come in quickly. "I'll make you some tea. Sit, make yourself at home!"

You set your stuff in a small space by the doorway, one that commonly had your stuff whenever you came to visit the Paez Gavira household. It wasn't surprising to see you come over as you'd been doing it since you were a kid. You and Pablo had met years ago on your first day at La Masía. You'd just moved from America back to Spain so you could play for the academy. You were an awfully shy kid, especially after your American classmates bullied you for the way you spoke Spanish.

You remembered your first day at La Masía very clearly. You had stood outside the building too afraid to go in. Pablo noticed you on his way in and despite being shy himself, approached you, asking if you were lost.

"Hola, soy Pablo. Are you here to play?" Pablo asked.

"Sí," you said softly. "Soy Y/N. Today is my first day here. I'm just a little scared."

"¿Por qué? You're gonna love it here! This is the best academy in the world!" he said excitedly.

"But what if they don't like me? What if I don't make any friends?" you asked worriedly.

"You don't have to worry about because I'll be your friend! And I'll introduce you to everyone else!"

"Yo no sé," you mumbled to yourself, ready to call your mom to pick you up. "I think I'm just gonna call my mom to pick me up and go home."

"How's this? I'll be your first friend, and because we're friends, we'll walk in together! You belong here, I promise. And so long as I'm your friend, I'll make sure you know that this is where you belong and what you're meant to do! What do you say, Pequeña?"

"Pequeña?! I'm not that small!" you protested, feeling slightly offended that he was coming for your height like that.

"Yes you are but that's okay! See, you have a nickname now from a friend!" Pablo said. "Everything is gonna be okay. You're here for a reason. This is your home and even if you're nervous now, I'll help you see that," he continued, calming your nerves and reassuring you.

Pablo held out his hand for you to take. "Just take my hand and we'll reach our dreams of playing for the first team together."

You hesitated, but took a deep breath. You knew you had to take the chance to achieve the dream of playing for your favorite club. So you took Pablo's hand in yours. You smiled at each other before walking through the doors together, ready to take on the world.

Since that day, the two of you were inseparable. And he was right. The moment you stepped through those doors, everything felt right. Pablo introduced you to his friends, making you feel more at ease with everyone. You eventually made your own friends within the academy. And despite your growth spurt, you still ended up tiny, causing Pablo's unfortunate nickname for you to stick. Even after Pablo started playing with the first team, he always did his best to support you in your games. He was your best friend and you were his.

Which was why you were just as distraught as he was when his injury happened. You were in the crowd proudly wearing his jersey and cried just as hard as he did as he was subbed off, knowing the injury was serious. You cried even more when you found out it was a torn ACL and meniscus, knowing he was out for the rest of the season and the Euros. Pablo more than anything loved to play, and you knew he would be devastated.

On top of that misfortune, Pablo hadn't spoken to you since that day. You'd traveled with him back to Barcelona and to the medics after that game, where you held him as he cried. But after that, he'd gone radio silent. At first, you thought he just needed time and space to process everything going on. But you soon realized that Pablo was still talking to the others after catching up with Fermín and some of the others one day.

"Yeah, I think Pablo just needs space," you said, drinking the coffee you'd ordered. "He isn't really speaking to anyone right now."

"What are you talking about?" Fermín asked, furrowing his eyebrows. "Pablito and I talked yesterday. He's nervous for his upcoming surgery, but I reassured him that everything was gonna be fine."

"Wait, he talked to you?" you asked, now being the one confused.

"Pequeña, he's been regularly talking to all of us because he needs the support," Cristo explained.

"Then why hasn't he talked to me?" you asked again, feeling extremely hurt. "I thought we were best friends. I haven't seen him since he came back to Barcelona. And he hasn't answered any of my calls or texts. I've been to his house every day since and he's never even so much opened his door."

"I'm sorry, Pequeña," Fermín said, trying to smile.

But the damage was already done.

"How is he, Rora?" you asked gently as his sister gently handed you a mug.

"The same," she sighed. "His surgery went well so he's just recovering now. I think Christmas being around the corner is making him even more upset though. You know, holiday cheer and all," Aurora replied, sitting down next to you. "He's still crying every night even if he thinks we can't hear him. He hasn't talked to you then I assume?"

You shook your head. "He hasn't said anything to me since that day. The only way I know how he's doing is by asking you or some of the others. I just wish I could help him you know? It's like I'm here, but he won't even acknowledge that we know each other, much less being best friends."

"You've been here every day since," Aurora said gently. "Even if Pablo can't see it now, I know he's appreciative of that." She grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers together. "And we appreciate that too. My brother is annoyingly stubborn and yet you've been here every day, doing your best to help him and the rest of us. You're doing more than enough, hermanita. He's lucky to have someone like you in his life."

You squeezed Aurora's hand laying your head on her shoulder.

"I would take the injury if it meant he could play too," you said honestly.

"Don't ever say that," Aurora said sternly. "If Pablo were down here, he would've hit you for saying that. You love playing just as much as he does. And you deserve to play too."

"I made the first team, Rora," you whispered. "And they've been strongly suggesting they're gonna sub me in at some point. They're finally gonna let me play. It's everything I've been working towards."

Aurora quickly sat up and hugged you tight. "Y/N! That's amazing! Estoy tan orgullosa de ti! Just in time for Christmas too! This is like the best present ever!"

"Thank you," you groaned out, "but you're squeezing me a little too tight there."

She only squeezed you tighter in response. "My parents are gonna be so excited! And Pablo-" She cut herself off. "Pablo will be proud of you too," she said softly. "I know he will."

"Is he?" you scoffed. "He hasn't spoken to me once since the injury. He's visited the first team, he regularly talks to Fermín and Cristo and all the others. But he won't even look in my direction."

"He'll come around," Aurora answered. "I think he's afraid of how you'll treat him. He's stupid for that but he'll come around eventually I promise."

"You know," you started, "everyone kept saying today that this was the best present I could've gotten. To play for the first team. And don't get me wrong, I'm so excited for this. It's all I've ever wanted since I came to Spain. And in time for Christmas too? It should be make my holidays even more exciting." You sighed, resting your head on Aurora's shoulder. "But honestly, I just want Pablo to come back to me. That's really all I ask for. But at this rate, I think even a Christmas miracle won't bring him back."

You stayed for a little while longer before Aurora kicked you out (mostly because she didn't want you walking home in the dark and the snow was starting to pick up). But before you left, you walked up to Pablo's room and knocked on the door like you'd done every time you came to visit. You knew he was awake and heard you, but there was still no effort to come see or talk to you. You sighed, taking a seat with your back against the door.

"Hola Pablito," you said. "I hope you're doing okay over there. I'm glad your surgery went well. Rora tells me everything's been great. I'm sure you probably know better than I do, but the team is struggling. That's okay though, they're managing as best they can."

You turned around to lean your forehead against the door.

"I, uh, I got called up for the first team for tomorrow's game. The others think there's a good chance Jonatán might put me in too," you continued softly, a smile appearing on your face. "I'm a little late compared to you, but we finally did it, Pablo. We're both finally on the first team, just like we promised when we were kids."

A frown appeared on your face when you didn't hear anything other than the noises of his TV.

"I know we haven't spoken in a while, but I hope you can at least watch the game on TV. Maybe I'll even score on my debut," you chuckled. Still no response from him. "Well, I have to go before your sister starts yelling at me. The snow is getting pretty bad anyway. I'll be back tomorrow after the game and I'll tell you all about it."

You got up, dusting yourself off. You rested your forehead against the door once more.

"I'm proud of you, you know? I know things are difficult for you, but you're gonna come back and be better than ever. I'll see you tomorrow, Pablo. Te quiero."

Pablo stared up at his bed as the sound of your footsteps faded, his stomach in knots as he was full of guilt. He knew you didn't deserve to be ignored, but he was ashamed. He couldn't bare to face you. You were his closest friend from La Masía and he didn't want you to see him in his condition. You wouldn't have judged him, and he knew that, but he still couldn't bring himself to speak to you. His family and his friends had scolded him many times for it, but Pablo didn't have the courage to apologize. And now hearing that you were finally called up to the first team and he still didn't say anything? He felt even worse.

Pablo heard another knock on his door.

"Hermano, it's just me. Y/N left. Can I come in?" his sister asked.

"Sí," he said, not bothering to sit up.

Aurora walked in and sat on his bed.

"She's upset, you know?" she said softly. "That even after making the first team, you still haven't talked to her."

"Yo sé," He responded.

"You know what she said to me?" Pablo remained quiet. "She said, 'Honestly Rora, I just want Pablo back. I would've said no to playing tomorrow if it meant he'd just talk to me.' And she said she would take the injury if that meant you could play again. Do you know how much that hurts to hear? That she'd rather give up her dream than not have you in her life? That's how much you mean to her. That girl has been here every single day since you got injured and you've said nada to her. You've talked to everyone else except Y/N. Why hermano? I just don't understand."

Pablo still said nothing. He took a deep breath, tears in his eyes.

"Yo sé," he answered. "Yo sé and it's killing me. But I don't want her to see me like this. All mangled and depressed. She should be living her dream, not watching me trying to walk every day."

Aurora sighed before raising her hand, slapping Pablo on his forehead.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?!" he yelled, grabbing the spot in pain.

"For being stupid, Stupid! Y/N has been your best friend since you started at La Masía! She's not judging you for getting injured! You couldn't help that and all she's wanted to do is support you because she knows how devastated you are. She's just as devastated for you!" Aurora said. "I know this has been hard for you, but you don't have to do it all alone, hermano. Just let her in and let her help you."

Aurora got up to leave Pablo with his thoughts. Before she closed the door, she peeked her head in and said, "And please at least watch her game. It's the least you can do after how you've treated her. You and I both know that."

You tossed and turned in your bed that night. With the excitement of finally making the first team and your best friend still ignoring you, sleep almost didn't come at all. Thankfully, you were able to get some rest that you knew you needed, especially if you were trying to prove yourself to your coach and the fans that you deserved some playing time.

Your stomach was in knots as you arrived at the stadium. You did your best to seem calm and collected knowing there were cameras filming the entrance to your very first game with Barça Feminí. But you didn't know what to think or what to feel. You just wanted a good game.

"Are you ready?" Lucy asked you, swinging an arm around your shoulders as you entered the dressing room.

"As ready as I'll ever be," you said nervously, twiddling your fingers.

"Aw, it's gonna be okay, Pequeña!" she said.  "You deserve this. It's been a long time coming honestly."

"Do you think I'll end up playing today?" you asked hopefully.

"There's been a lot of buzz about you online since you're close to the men's team. A lot of positivity mostly so I think people are excited to see you. But between you and me, I think you've got a good shot. You're our secret weapon," Lucy winked. "You're our Christmas miracle this year."

She gave your shoulder one final squeeze before parting, allowing the two of you to get dressed.

"What happens if you score a goal?" Aitana asked you as you tied your shoes. "Do you have a plan for it?"

You shrugged your shoulders. "I have an idea. But that's assuming I get on the field at all today, much less score a goal."

"You will. No doubt in my mind. It would be stupid of them not to, Pequeña."

You were flattered by your teammates' faith in you. Despite knowing the stack of players who were both in the starting XI and on the bench, you were honored to have been chosen as an option to play tonight. But while you were still unsure you'd see any playing time, your teammates were fairly confident in you and your abilities.

You dusted yourself off before you checked your phone, giggling when you saw the good luck messages from your friends and family. You sighed in disappointment still not seeing anything from Pablo, but you tried not to let it get to you. You threw your thoughts aside to focus on the game ahead of you, hoping you'd get subbed in at some point.

The game surprised the whole team. It was a lot trickier than any of you expected, your team struggling to convert any chances into goals. The score was tied at 1-1. The other team's defense was tough to break, and it was thanks to yours being just as good that they also weren't able to score as much. On top of that, the snow was starting to fall, making it harder to see and turning the air colder. You were all nervous that the win streak of the team would break today.

You were biting your nails as Alexia's shot was blocked once again, making you and the rest of the bench groan with disappointment. There were only a few minutes left on the clock. The team needed something and they needed something quickly.

"Y/N! Start warming up. I'm putting you in," Jonatán said. "Congratulations, Pequeña."

You looked at your coach before looking behind you. You repeated this several times before pointing at yourself in disbelief.

"Me? You're talking to me?" you squeaked.

"Sí, Pequeña, I'm talking to you. We need to change up the game plan and you're gonna be the magic we need to win this game. So I need you ready to go. Start running, Kid," he said before going back to coaching.

You let out a noise putting your hands over your mouth, still in shock over his decision. Your teammates all smiled brightly at you and cheered lightly, knowing that you were finally fulfilling your childhood dream. You stood to follow your coaches directions, but not before whispering something to Claudia, discreetly handing her a jersey. She nodded, smiling brightly and patting you on the head to send you on your way.

Your mind shifted to focus on what your game would be, but you couldn't help but think about Pablo. You shook off the thoughts, knowing that your friendship with him wasn't your priority right now. All you could do was hope that he was watching your game at home and cared enough to support you.

Your palms were sweating as you waited for Alexia to come off the field, your jersey number flashing on the board. This was the moment you'd been preparing your whole life for. And while you were nervous, you were more than ready for this.

Alexia hugged you and patted you on the head. "Go kill it, Pequeña," she whispered to you.

The moment you stepped onto the field officially replacing your captain, an indescribable feeling came over you. You could hear your team and the crowd cheering for you, all excited to see what you could do. Even though you felt the pressure on your shoulders, it didn't compare to what that atmosphere was like. There weren't any words in any language that could perfectly capture how you felt, but you knew that this was where you belonged. And you knew that you would do anything to feel this emotion for the rest of your life.

Lucy threw the ball in, initiating the start of play once again, snapping you out of your thoughts and putting you back into game mode. The ball was passed around amongst your teammates as you tried to figure out your options. You peaked over your shoulder, noticing a space that you knew you could use to your advantage. But you were also aware you were being marked by a defender, so your run would have to be quick and accurate. You made eye contact with Aitana and locked your eyes with hers subtly telling her that you had a plan. She launched the ball in your direction and you started sprinting as hard as you could, trying to keep the defender off your tail. The ball made contact with your foot as you kept running, dribbling the ball close to you. The other defenders had come quicker than you were expecting, but you knew you just had to keep going. You felt them grab your waist but you shrugged them off, pushing yourself to keep going. You scanned your surroundings not seeing a clear path for any of your teammates, but you did spot one right in front of the goal.

Your world stopped for a moment as your mind went back to your first day at La Masía. Pablo's face appeared in your mind as the words, 'Just take my hand and we'll reach our dreams of playing for the first team together', resounded in your ears. This was your dream and it was right in front of you. And you knew that despite your hesitation, you needed to just take a chance to reach that dream, just as you did all those years ago.

And so you kicked the ball towards the goal. The stadium held its breath as you all watched the ball fly past the defenders and slipping right past the goalkeeper's fingertips. You couldn't hear anything but the sound of the ball hitting the back of the net before deafening screams rang out from everyone around you. Your name and face flashed on the screen with a "GOL" next to your face.

Your eyes widened, realizing that not only was that your first touch of the ball in your very first game for the first team, but that you'd just scored your very first goal. Once you snapped back to your senses, you ran over to the side, kissing the badge on your shirt. You jumped into the air and screamed as you felt your teammates jumping onto you in celebration. You high fived everyone and huddled into a group hug, elated at the way you put the team into the lead, a "2-1" now appearing on the screen.

Knowing you didn't have much time for your own personal celebration, you broke off to the side running towards Claudia, who handed you the jersey you given to her earlier. You presented it to the crowd around you proudly. The camera zoomed in to display the "6 Gavi" on the screens around you. Despite not speaking to him for weeks, you wanted to still show your support for you recovering best friend because without him, you wouldn't even be playing that night. It was thanks to Pablo that you were here living your dreams, and this was your way of thanking him for everything he'd done.

Right before you turned back, you looked at the crowd one last time. And there in the stands was the boy himself sitting in the crowd with his cast on next to your families.

"You came," you said mostly to yourself in disbelief, feeling the tears form in your eyes, snow falling all around you.

Pablo nodded and cheered. Words didn't need to be spoken to know he was proud of you.

You laughed as you returned the smile. You knew things still had to be mended between the two of you, but you knew this was a step in the right direction. You presented the jersey a final time, hitting the badge on your own before tossing it back to Claudia and getting back into the game.

The snow fell around you as the final whistle was blown, your last minute goal being what your team needed to win the game. The bench ran to you and jumped on top, causing all of you to fall to the ground as you screamed in delight. The crowd cheered just as loudly for you, excited for the win and to see what more you could do for the team.

"You did it, Pequeña, you did it!" "You're our Christmas miracle!" "You deserve this!" "We're so proud of you!" were the words spoken by your teammates. This really was a dream come true.

You ended up earning the Player of the Match trophy for your heroics. You raised it to the fans as you walked over to the side for the interview as a means to thank them for the support.

"Wow! Y/N your first game and your first goal for Barça Feminí. How does it feel?" the interviewer asked you.

"Um, I can't really explain the feeling to be honest. Overwhelming but in a really good way," you answered honestly. "I've been dreaming of being in this position since I came to Barcelona when I was a kid, and I don't think it's fully hit me yet that I'm here."

"Well, there's been talks about you in La Masía and how you were going to be the secret weapon the team needed this season. Lots of people were anticipating your debut and I'm sure they're pleased to see what you've added to this team. They're already calling you 'the Christmas Miracle' online. Do you have any comments on that?" another interviewer asked.

"I'm really honored to have that sort of title," you laughed. "My teammates have been nothing but supportive and had complete faith that I would play today. And I couldn't be more grateful for all of them."

"And of course we have to talk about that goal celebration!" the interviewer said. "Culers loved the dedication to the beloved Gavi who is unfortunately injured and out for the season. Was there any particular reason for that?"

You grinned. "Gavi is the whole reason why I'm even here. On my first day at La Masía, I was so nervous I almost turned around and went home and Gavi was the one who convinced me that I belonged and helped me walk in. It's really all thanks to him that I worked up the courage and the passion to play."

"You must've been gutted to see him get injured," the other interviewer commented.

"I was probably just as devastated as he was," you replied. "I hate seeing any player injured, but to watch one of my best friends suffer was even worse. And since I'm here because of him, I wanted to honor him and his love for the sport and for the club. To let him know he might be off the field physically, but his spirit and his heart are still present with us. And to thank him for everything he's done for me."

"Gavi was in the crowd today and I'm sure he appreciated it. Well, congratulations Y/N on your first game and your first goal for the team. We hope to see more from you this season!" the interviewer said.

"Thank you so much!" you answered excitedly, giving each of them a small handshake before heading to the tunnels.

You spotted a figure in crutches waiting on the side for you leaning against the wall for support. You smiled and walked towards him.

"Hey stranger," you said softly, making him jump.

"Hey," Pablo answered, looking at his feet before averting his gaze to look at you.

"I can't deny I'm surprised to see you here, Pablito," you said, nudging him lightly.

"Aurora talked some sense into me. And I realized that wallowing in my own self pity wasn't more important than watching your first call up," he replied.

"What if I didn't end up playing?" you asked.

"First of all, you were always gonna play. There's no way you wouldn't. Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long for them to call you up when it should've happened years ago," Pablo said, shaking his head. "Second of all, it wouldn't have mattered to me anyway. Regardless of your playing time, I wanted to support you and your team just like you've been supporting me all this time. Even when I haven't deserved it."

He glanced at his wrapped leg. "I've been a jerk and a coward and I'm sorry for ignoring you. I just didn't want you to see me in this state because I was ashamed and embarrassed of this injury."

You rolled your eyes and flicked his forehead.

"Ow! What the hell?! You and Aurora have been hanging out too much," he grumbled.

"Yeah, because you're an idiot! I've known you since we were gross and snotty kids!" you exclaimed. "We've been best friends for literal years. If you haven't gotten rid of me yet, then that means I'm sticking around like those boogers you used to stick on the walls."

"You said you would stop bringing that up!" he whined, making you giggle.

"I'm serious though. Don't feel ashamed. Injuries happen and it's not your fault. All you can do now is lean on your loved ones for support and work to get better so you can come back stronger and better than ever," you said.

"But what if I don't?" he asked. "What if this injury ruined everything?"

"You're too stubborn for this to ruin your life," you said bluntly. "Does this sport mean everything to you? Will you give your all for your team once you come back?" Pablo nodded. "Then don't let this get you down. You just have to be patient and let the healing process do its thing. And once you get past that, you're gonna find yourself being the captain of Barcelona leading your team to greatness."

"Thank you," Pablo said seriously. "For everything. Te quiero, Pequeña."

"Te quiero también, Pablito," you said. "Estoy contigo por siempre."

You leaned over to give him a hug, but he stepped back.

"You can hug me later. You stink dude. And I'm cold. So hurry up and change. My parents are already with yours and they're making your favorite in celebration," Pablo whined. You just laughed, making your way into the dressing room.

Your first game had been something straight out of a fairytale. Your first call, first game, first touch, and first goal. It was everything you could've dreamed about when you stepped foot in Barcelona for the first time.

But while all of that was great, you got something even more important that night. And your Christmas miracle was in the form of the boy waiting for you in the tunnel.

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