#and WHERE is his motherfucking OSCAR

[oflights]

i think miyazaki fake retires every time not as a gimmick but to make sure joe hisaishi goes flat out balls to the wall this is my last shot and i will eat and leave no crumbs. and you know what? he always does, every time

[astonmartinii]

hii, can i request an insta au for lando? i don’t have something particular in mind, bit maybe best friends to lovers kinda thing? and their friends teasing them/ being annoyed? <33 love your work!!

best friends 4 ever | lando norris social media au

pairing: lando norris x bff!reader

best friends? lovers? who knows?

yourusername

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yourusername: clubbing on a budget 🍒

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user1: where's lando?

user2: yet another post without lando, have they broken up?

user3: how can they be broken up if they aren't together?

user4: why do you people think lando and y/n doing things separately is illegal?

user5: why weren't you at the race?

yourusername: babes i'm just a bartender i do not have the schedule or the finances to just fuck off to saudi arabia for three days sorry xx

user5: you clearly had the weekend off?

yourusername: please refer to my previous statement on my financial standing

yourbff1: who is that stunning woman?

yourusername: u bestie

landonorris: glad you went with outfit choice number one

yourusername: thank you miranda priestly

oscarpiastri: so that's who i could hear you talking to...

yourusername: clubbing outfits are a serious business oscar

oscarpiastri: serious enough for a three hour call?

yourusername: YES.

landonorris: YES.

landonorris

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 902,894 others

landonorris: mood before the race v after the race, see you next year jeddah 🇸🇦

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user6: what driving a tractor does to a motherfucker

yourusername: what's a performance where a man is having the worst time of his life but looks sexy doing it?

landonorris: beauty is pain

yourusername: then you must be suffering

user7: mr and miss we're not dating flirting up a storm in the comments as per

carlossainz55: maybe focus less on modelling and more on driving

yourusername: so no more ferrari thirst traps?

carlossainz55: damn i forgot that coming for lando means dealing with you

yourusername: meet me in the parking lot chilli

landonorris: y/n is like my little chihuahua so come for me, watch your ankles

user8: do they think we're dumb?

danielricciardo: ah the classic post mclaren snooze, if only you had your cuddle buddy

landonorris: i know you miss me mate but i'll cuddle you in melbourne

danielricciardo: ok. not what i meant. but i'll take the free cuddles

user9: so he was defo referring to y/n, right?

daniel3.jpeg

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tagged: yourusername, landonorris, heidiberger

daniel3.jpeg: any wagon need a third wheel, i'm practically a professional now?

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user12: confirmation? this is confirmation, right? RIGHT?

yourusername: i gave you that banjo in good faith daniel and this is how you repay me?

daniel3.jpeg: i appreciate her !!!! thank you for my lessons, but these are cute so i will not be deleting sorry not sorry

yourusername: ur right we are serving

user13: life is just not fair

user14: official cause of death: the third slide

landonorris: how relegated to just an arm, i see how it is daniel

yourusername: you are literally the definition of pookie bear and cutieful in the first pic

landonorris: i'm going to need you to never say those words ever again

yourusername: that's not what you said last night ...

landonorris: you're right i am pookie bear

user15: actual pics + comments = y'all can no longer say i'm being delusional.

f1wagsupdates

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tagged: landonorris

f1wagsupdates: lando norris spotted on his boat in monaco with an unknown woman. the pair looked flirty and spent the whole day together alone on the boat. norris' rumoured girlfriend y/n y/ln was back in the u.k. where she works as a bar tender. what do you think?

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user18: i'm so confused rn

user19: i know we never had concrete confirmation but my heart is broken for y/n right now

user20: i don't want to jump to any conclusions, men and women can be friends, there's nothing in these photos that suggest anything more than friendship

user21: they're literally holding hands in the second pic

user20: i hold my friends hands every time i jump in the water doesn't mean i'm with them

user22: but the pic in danny's post .... i don't even know anymore

yourusername

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yourusername: food will never leave me

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user25: so like is this a dig after those pics of lando and the random girl?

user26: i know this is sad and all, but that kebab looks banging please tell us where you got it

yourusername: camden market babes

yourbff1: sexy girl, sexy food and sexy photography

yourusername: best photographer i know

user27: SHADE LANDP.JPEG YOU WERE NEVER THAT GIRL

landonorris: camden kebabs without me? offended.

yourusername: doing a lot of things without each other recently.

maxfewtrell: could've at least invited me i love that place

user28: oof. i feel like i shouldn't be watching this

lando.jpeg

liked by danielricciardo, yourusername and 1,305,066 others

tagged: yourusername

lando.jpeg: appreciation post for my bestest friend forever and the love of my life. i didn't want to give any attention to the rumours going around so i thought i'd just let you know i'm in love, i've been in love for years and will be in love with her for the rest of my life.

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user29: okay, now the confirmation is here, idk what to do with myself

user30: i survived the y/n x lando slow burn

yourusername: i love you too bob

lando.jpeg: i love you more, can't wait to see you

yourusername: i'm never letting you leave again

user31: so like you're gonna deny being all up close and personal with a random girl on the boat

landonorris: not that i owe you people anything, that girl is my cousin, she was visiting monaco and i showed her around. but it shouldn't matter, you guys don't know me personally and stop assuming things about athletes' personal lives.

yourusername: what he said.

carlossainz55: FINALLY

danielricciardo: i literally don't know how much longer i could've kept this a secret

oscarpiastri: i think we deserve a reward

charles_leclerc: i second this

maxverstappen1: i third this

maxfewtrell: i fourth this

yourusername: alright, alright we get it

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris and 607,845 others

tagged: landonorris

yourusername: i guess we owe our parents £50 xx

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user32: bro this shit has me straight up crying THIS AINT EVEN MY RELATIONSHIP

oscarpiastri: you guys are cute i'll give you that

yourusername: teammate stamp of approval get it @landonorris

oscarpiastri: i think you guys got that after i walked in on you after silverstone

landonorris: our bad lol

user33: this reads like a fanfic but they're so cute

maxverstappen1: awww lando was so cute in that first pic, what went wrong?

yourusername: u and kelly look like siblings, don't come for us

maxverstappen1: u got it

landonorris: i love you fairy princess

yourusername: i love you racer boy

note: enjoyyyyyyyyyyyy. i originally wrote this a while back but it deleted itself when my laptop had a meltdown. so this is a bit diff but i hope you like it anyway !! xx

[everythingne]

marketing ploy - ln4 / ch. 5

Italy through Canada. A few people make observations, Olivia makes a huge realization, a few too drinks are shared, and Oscar starts to get a little bit more concerned when Ollie seems a bit... off. Until she snaps and tells him everything.

piastri!oc x lando norris, brothers bestfriend/fake dating

warnings/notes: alcohol/drinking, pretty intense kissing/makeout scene, still probably some incorrect f1 info but look, im trying. its a BIT summary-ish this chapter, but only because there's a few small bites from each race, everything will really be kicking off next chapter >:D! (I apologize in advance)

prev | next

MAY 20TH 2023 -- ITALY

Italy had passed in a blur of media obsession, cameras constantly on me and everything I did. Hell, I would breathe too hard and someone would post about it. Keeping everything quiet had been getting harder and harder now that Twitter was fully convinced Lando and I were dating, even if we hadn't announced it yet. We still had a while to go until our 'relationship' would be officially announced by us on fucking live television, something I still couldn't get over. And my heart ache was starting to get more prevalent as the whole situation was starting to confuse my heart and my brain, making me actually think Lando liked me.

But that kiss? Come on.

McLaren's social media team had Lando and Oscar out almost the whole weekend when they weren't racing, they were doing practically everything for the media team this weekend since we all knew Monaco was going to be crazy for us. Between it being one of the, in my opinion, busiest race weekends due to its hyper-publicity. And as we knew this, we (as in Me, Charles, Lando, Oscar, Daniel and Max) had plans for a party at a club in Monaco. As more drivers found out about the plan it ended up with us renting out some private rooms for all the teams and their drivers in this one club Charles and Arthur allegedly swore by. It was going to be one hell of a party.

So, since I had no Oscar or Lando to bother, I had somehow ended up in Max's hotel room with Charles and Daniel. We were happily splitting bottles of the most expensive wine we could order to his room and talking about anything and everything. We had talked about the season so far, everyones families back home (with another very interesting Max childhood story that had us all questioning his mental health for the thirtieth time this week) and we were currently discussing media.

I had mentioned not going on Twitter due to everything being crazy, and three heads turned to look at me. Max has Charles' head in his lap, the latter poking my thigh as he giggled, cheeks flushed from the drinks as he asks, "Speaking of, how was Seaspice?"

"I need to know!" Daniel shouts, turning so fast he nearly knocks himself over and I snort from where I'm curled up on the couch in one of Lando's hoodies. I had taken it forever ago and just never gave it back, not that Lando had asked for it or even seemed to mind.

"It was really nice." I murmur, cheeks warming up as I swirl my wine, "I don't think we stopped talking the whole time. He opened the door for me, got my chair, paid for dinner. This motherfucker bought me flowers? And left them at the hotel. And a Coach purse and chucks! And he was so fucking nice. I just... I had a really good time and we talked about basically everything. Which means he knows the most about me now, other than Oscar."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Max smiles and Charles nods enthusiastically, leaning up to take a sip of his wine before laying back down.

"Lando told me a bit about it." Daniel pops down on the couch next to me, poking Charles on the shoulder who whines and throws his arm dramatically over his eyes, making us all chuckle softly. His wine must've not been settling nicely, which I thought was odd for a man from Monaco of all places. Or he was just being dramatic.

"What'd Lando say?" Max hums, taking a sip of his wine as we all settle into a mess of tangled limbs.

"Just like, that he was totally in love with her the whole time and practically drooling over her." Daniel shrugs, "he's head over fuckin' heels."

My heart flutters at the sentiment, even if it know Lando's declarations of love are all fake for the media. Every little joke, every date, every hand hold or kiss or flirting joke, everything we were was for the media. At the end of the day Lando and I couldn't have each other. He was in this for the media just as much as I was, it was a contract we had signed and though Christian had said I could back out at any time, I was sure there would be consequences if I did.

Not that I wanted to go back on Lando, or this fake relationship, or anything. Not that I knew why. Maybe it was just because I loved the feeling of being loved.

OLIVIAPIASTRI POSTED A NEW STORY! ↴

MAY 26TH -- MONACO

I was surprised when Max had brought me along with him and Charles for dinner at Charles' mothers house. Pascale was a sweetheart, doting over us and making sure we were all well fed and settled. I also had a chance to meet Charles' siblings, finally. Arthur and I realizing how much we had in common as we sat at the long dining table, easily cracking jokes about being the younger sibling in the same career as their older brother.

And the whole never being able to live up to their older siblings thing, but that was more undertones.

Maybe ten minutes into dinner, while I'm halfway through my fift glass of wine that night, Pascale asks, "So, Olivia, how is Lando? I've seen quite a bit about you two."

I laugh softly, setting down my fork as I explain softly, "He's a sweetheart. I've been with him for only a few months and it's really been bliss. This man won't let me buy anything on my own, won't let me open doors, gives me his jacket, texts me all the time, calls me all the time. He's doting over me twenty four hours of the day, it's really sweet. We're just not really saying anything on social media yet since it's still a pretty new relationship."

"And she says its not serious." Charles murmurs as he takes a sip from his wine, Max ends up whacking Charles on the back of the head as Pascale laughs into the back of her hand.

"Charles, I will kick you." I scowl, and immediately after Arthur jerks up and Charles shouts in complaint. I burst into giggles when I realize Arthur has done my work for me.

"Dude! Foutre le camp!" His sudden french makes me pause as I try to decipher what he said. Max is immediately laughing as Pascale reaches across the table to yank on her sons ear as she reprimands him and then reprimands Arthur, who is just out of arms distance thanks to me.

"Désolé, Maman." The Leclerc's echo and luckily the rest of dinner goes off without a round of complaints from their mother. But I can't stop thinking. I had been in this sort of spiral about liking Lando, and the drinks and telling myself I was just in love with what he was doing and the way it made me feel wasn't helping. And so, as I always do, I call my oldest sister.

MAY 26TH -- CALL BETWEEN OLIVIA AND OPHELIA↴

"Ophelia."

"Olivia?"

"I need advice."

"That's what I'm here for."

"You... okay, you can't tell Oscar any of this."

"Woah, this serious?"

"Yeah, uhm. So, the Lando stuff, it's... media shit. For McLaren and Red Bull. They want it to seem like Max and Lando don't like each other or something, I dunno. But we're fake dating for media."

"Oh."

"But I... I don't know something about it is bothering me. I... I can't shake it. I can't stop thinking about everything he's been doing, the gifts, the date--we kissed, like, really good and I... fuck. Am I stupid for thinking about this so much?"

"Do you like him, Ollie?"

"Well, yeah obviously. But I think I mostly like him because I like the way it feels to be loved. Like--"

"--Do you think of his actions or of him more?"

"Uhm..." "Him?"

"Ollie. Do you think you could be in love with him?"

"No! It's... its for media."

"You think about everything he does, and the kiss, and you like the way it feels to be loved."

"Yeah."

"He buys you flowers all the time, holds the doors for you, you constantly say he's the nicest guy you've ever met, you've already defended him in the siblings group chat and he's bought you a fucking Coach bag."

"Because of the media!"

"Buying you a Coach bag is not for the media! And Lando hates seafood, yet he took you to Seaspice because everyone knows you love seafood!"

...

"Olivia, look... [sigh], I've seen the photos posted and the way he looks at you, touches you, speaks with you, everything... he's in fucking love with you. Seriously, you cannot fake that. Unless he's an incredible actor, which--he's not. I've seen his interviews."

"Uh--"

"And you, missy. You're in the same boat! If you didn't like him the way you do, you wouldn't be calling me in a panic about this."

"What do you mean?"

"You love him. He loves you. Regardless of if you want it or not."

"Oh..."

"There it is."

"Oh. Fuck."

MAY 27TH -- MONACO

"That's Charles with p3, Lando with p2, and Max--again, with the p1 position!"

I was sitting cross legged, tapping my nails along the desk as I was working on saving all the data from Max's car from the race. Something was weird with his front suspension, but he managed to push through to the end. Lando almost got him in the last turn but at the cost of a spring and a shock, Max kept his position. Checo had done just as well, and Kylie next to me was uploading his data and happily chatting about how the race went with some of the other engineers before they all start getting up. I laugh softly, watching them as they start to cheer and clamber around.

"Olivia! Finish that up later, c'mon!" One of the engineers calls and I laugh, slipping off my chair as I shove my phone into my pocket and follow Kylie out of the garage. A crowd of engineers, analysts, and drivers moving in a group to celebrate the pole positions. I take my time, ending up with Oscar at some point as we cheer for all three racers. I can feel the cameras on me and it's starting to get a bit annoying. I just want to celebrate my friends, I had taken a back log role because I didn't want to deal with the fame of F2, F1, any motorsports as a whole. I was just as good as a racer as Oscar as a kid, but I knew what I would get into if I went with him. So I didn't.

And yet, somehow I still ended up here.

Max comes over to give me a hug, and I waste no time throwing my arms around him in congratulations. He laughs, squeezing me tight before stepping back as I whack his helmet three times, a little good luck thing we had started a while back.

"I'm killing you for breaking your shocks and like half the front suspension." I joke and he rolls his eyes, playfully whacking my arm as Oscar gives him a few slaps on the shoulder as he says congratulations.

"No, no, blame Lando." He says, and him saying the racers name has more cameras turn to us and Max's grimace lets me know I'm not doing well at hiding my annoyed face. He gives me a final hug as Lando appears to give Oscar and the rest of the McLaren team besides me hugs as Max turns to him.

"Let me pass you sometime!" Lando grins and the two share a quick hug to celebrate.

"Maybe next time, Norris!" Max grins, turning to the pull of Christian's voice, and I laugh as he's tugged into the arms of the engineers. Turning back to look at Oscar, I make eye contact with Lando, who (once I nod that it's fine) happily pulls me into his arms.

And I hate that that's when I hear the most camera shutters.

"Congratulations, Lando." I murmur into our tight hug. After a moment of quiet, he leans back and I smile at him, wholeheartedly, as I can see him smile as he squeezes my arms.

"Thanks, Ollie." We hold eye contact and I just smile before he squeezes my hands before coming up to pull of his helmet, "Hey, you're coming to the club tonight, right?"

"Yeah, of course." I say, holding a hand out to hold his helmet as he takes off his balaclava. Once he has it off, he keeps messing with his hair until I lift my own hand to his hair and run it through and fix it up. One of his hands falls to my waist, the other still holding his helmet as his eyes flutter shut.

"You need to get this trimmed." I murmur, and then he leans down to give me another hug as his breath is hot against my neck, his adams apple rumbling against my shoulder.

"Nah. If I get it cut then you can't run your hands through it anymore." He steps back when he's told he needs to go along to the podium and I hand him back his things, squeeze his hand three times, and then let him go off on his way.

"And you said it was never serious?" Oscar murmurs to me and I turn around and whack at him, telling him off in a sharp whisper as I sneer at him as the few McLaren employees around us laugh.

MAY 27TH-28TH -- JIMMY'S MONTE CARLO, MONACO

By the time Oscar and I make it to the back room of the club, the party is--and has been in full swing. He's pretty much immediately stolen from my side by Logan and Alex. So, I find the bar and get myself a vodka Red Bull to wash down my exhaustion and wake me up as I then slowly slink back to the room. I can see Charles and Max off to the side, Lewis dragging Daniel and Carlos along with him, and I send a half wave to Checo who raises his drink to me in a toast which I echo as I laugh, scanning the room and spotting the likes of Alonso, George, Lance, Pierre and Logan all off on their own tipsy adventures.

"There she is!" Two arms wrap around my waist and I squeal as Lando spins me around. Once he sets my feet down, he buries his face in the crook of my neck and he squeezes me in his arms. The conversation with Ophelia rings in my head--did I love him? And though I know I do, I try and swallow the feeling like the burn of the vodka in my throat.

I can't have Lando. No matter how much I want to have him.

"I told you I was coming, Norris." I laugh, turning in his grasp so I can give him a proper hug. He lets out a deep sigh against my chest before he leans back and grins, keeping his hands on my waist as I finish off my drink and set the cup on a nearby table.

"I know, but I'm glad you're here." He smiles, and I can smell the alcohol on his breath and grin when he pulls me a bit closer. I let him, even in the crowded club knowing everyone who knows of us will probably take photos. I let it happen because I know part of me wants the feeling of him loving me, even if its all a lie.

"C'mon, get another drink, lets celebrate." He murmurs under the music and I grin, taking him by the hand and going to the bar. I learn then its an open bar, and I happily order the most expensive shots I can, take three of them, and then order another heavily alcohol filled fruity drink. They put one of those cup covers on it, with a straw, and Lando brings me to the edge of the dance floor.

"Yo! Piastri!" someone shouts and I wave as Daniel drags over Max and Charles. Everyone seems hammered already, and in the moment I thank god for being a lightweight so I can catch up quickly. The shots already making my skin buzz.

"Dani, how are ya?" I ask, moving myself to the music a little. We talk, and even as we do I can't focus on anything other than Lando's hands on my waist as he holds me to his chest in the crowd. It's something so small, but just the way he's being protective of me makes my chest pound as I finish up my drink and set it on a nearby table.

"Come on, lets dance!" I say to the group, and while the others day they're fine, Lando lets me drag him onto the dance floor. I have no idea what song is playing, it's French, but the words could matter less. Lando's hands stay firm on my waist, when someone gets to close he moves us away, and when I turn and wrap my arms around his neck in a flirty, drunken haze, he leans down to pepper kisses to the corners of my mouth. My body is on fire, both form the warmth of the vodka and such in my chest, but from the feeling of the way his hands press lower on my waist and he drags me closer.

I don't know when we end up at the bar after dancing, but the next thing I remember is Lando sitting next to me on a stool as we take shots and eat chips given to us by the bartender who can definitely tell we're a little too drunk. I lean onto Lando's arm, gently tracing shapes as I listen to him talk about... something, I don't remember, his hand on my thigh warm and protective. He leans over to press a soft kiss to my lips, and I let him. His lips peck mine, then my cheeks, and then he presses in for a proper kiss. He slots there like he's meant to be, the hand on my thigh pulling me closer and one hand sliding down to grab the bottom of my chair and as he leans back from a kiss, he drags my chair closer.

My heart just about jumps to my throat as his hand lets go of the chair, ghosts the inside of my thigh and along my jugular as he drags his hand up to cup my chin, and he pulls me in by his thumb on my jaw for another round of deep kisses. One of my hands ends up tangling in his hair, and when Lando partially leans over me, my arm snakes across his shoulders with my nails dragging across the thing fabric of his shirt.

I would be embarrassed of the close contact if we weren't as drunk as we were and also in the back, dark corner of a bar.

When he presses in further, almost hungry, I lean back and press my hand to his chest as I try and catch my breath. He leans back finally, wiping lipstick off his lips with a tiny grin as he also tries to catch his breath with a sly smile.

"Woah there, casanova." I breathlessly tease and he whines. Literally whines. I am so fucked.

"C'mon, baby." He sighs and I press my hand to his mouth as he tries to snag another kiss and I let myself giggle, pulling him to my side with the arm tossed around his shoulder, peppering soft kisses to his hairline and the corners of his mouth.

"We should go back to the hotel." I whisper, and his eyes widen like dinner plates, nodding as he grabs my hands and pulls me up to my feet. We drunkenly giggle as we stumble outside the club and as I call a ride share on my phone, Lando keeps himself busy by playing with my hair and kissing along my shoulder and collarbones as he hums softly into my neck. When the car comes we seperate, for the sanity of the poor driver, but Lando keeps a firm hand on my thigh.

He always needs to be touching me, or holding me, I'm beginning to notice.

Once we're in the hotel, or moreso the elevator, Lando will not get off of me. It's almost comedic, soft kisses broken by laughs and my half-hearted complaints as I try and get us to his room, because I refuse to go back to my shared room with Oscar this shitfaced and in this predicament.

Once, finally, the hotel door is closed and locked behind us, I'm pushed back against Lando's wall as his hands find my waist. His breath fans over my face and my head is tilted up by his hand that covers my neck, his thumb pushing in to force my chin up so he can cover his lips with mine.

"You're everything." he whispers, breathless, one hand on my back pulling me closer. His fingers digging into my neck and back making my body arch and lean up into his touch.

"And so are you." I whisper back, his needy lips finding mine once more.

And then I wake up the next morning.

Groaning, I shield my face from the sun piercing my eyes with my arm as my phone rings somewhere beyond my grasp. I slowly sit up, blankets untangling from me as I slowly push them away and kick the blankets off my body. My head is pounding and I feel so sick, but I manage to find my phone somewhere on the floor. I get up, bending over to grab it as I adjust my dress to pull it back down and fix its collar. I must've fallen asleep wearing it and it got hiked up.

The call ends as I fix up my outfit, but before I can panic and try to call the number back, they do it for me. So I quickly press the answer button and press the phone to my ear as I rub at my tired face.

"Hello?" I grumble into the line, fighting off a yawn as I look around the hotel room. A suit jacket lays half open over a chair, my bag and shoes set neatly on a table nearby with my jewelry set on top of my purse with mens dress shoes kicked off in front of the desk.

"Olivia! Thank god," Oscar laughs, voice slightly crackly over the phone, "Where are you?"

"Uh--" I pause, turning around in my hungover haze to see Lando poke his head out of the bathroom. He must've woken up before me, and the towel wrapped around his still wet waist tells me he just got out of the shower.

I slowly realize I don't remember anything after we got in this room, and my stomach twists as I speak softly to Oscar on the phone, "...Lando's..."

Oscar's quiet for a few moments, I can hear someone behind him shouting, and then he hums, "Ah... okay, uh, just come back to the room before two?"

"Yeah, yeah I will be." Lando and I are still holding half awkward eye contact, and I click my tongue when Oscar's quite for a while, "Okay... uhm, bye?"

"Bye."

As soon as Oscar hangs up, Lando and I continue to stare at each other for a few moments, before I ask, "do you remember last night?"

"No. I was hoping you would." He laughed softly. When my silence meets him, he pauses mid shake of his wet hair against his towel, lifting his head to look at me properly, "do you?"

I shake my head and then move into the bathroom to stand besides a still not dressed Lando. With a tilt of his head, he looks me over as he speaks softly, "I have spare clothes if you wanna shower before you go back to your room?"

I nod to him, my mouth dry as the realization we might have done more than I wanted to think of crosses my mind. Lando hands me a spare towel, and I hear him rustling in his suitcase as I pull my hair back. There's very faint hickeys along my collarbones I can assume are from Lando, from what bits and pieces of the club I remember. I know they'll get darker, and my lipstick is smeared along my face and my jawline, in lip prints I know don't match mine, so they have to be his.

"Here." Lando says, making me jump as he snaps my focus back from staring at my hickeys.

"Sorry," He grimaces and I say its fine as he hands me a change of clothes and I softly thank him as he steps back and closes the bathroom door. I take off my dress, look at my body and find a few more marks a bit deeper down my chest and am taken over by a sort of full body cringe when I notice one or two marks along my thighs.

Did we fucking sleep together?

I turn the shower on, stepping in as soon as I can get my undergarments off of me (thankful I'm still wearing them), and let the water wash sweat off my skin as I use the hotel soaps to clean myself off and wash my hair. I catalog each part of my body, and luckily come to the conclusion we had not slept together... at least fully. I can never really know how far we went if neither of us remember it, but at least it seems we didn't make too big of a mistake.

When I dry off, I hear Lando say he's running down to the lobby to grab us waters and that he'll be back. In a bit of a panic, I throw on his clothes, grab my dress and shoes, and rush back to my room while he's still out. Oscar lets me in, stuttering as he follows my quick rush through the room. He sits on the edge of his bed, watching as I throw my stuff in my suitcase.

"So--"

"--Do not, ever, mention this to anyone."

"Woah, okay, okay!" Oscar holds his hands up, "I wont. But uhm... you..."

"Nothing happened." I stand, turning back to look at Oscar, "we were just drunk and he wanted me to get home safe."

"If something did or didn't isn't any of my business, you're an adult, and honestly I'd rather not know anything about my sisters sex life, no offense. But... uh, Ollie? Why do you seem so... worried? ...Nervous, is kinda a better word for it." Oscar places a hand on my back as he comes to stand next to me as I pause and stand up to look over at him.

Sighing, I can tell he's dancing around a question, his hands fidget and he ends up rubbing my back slightly as he looks over at me and gnaws his lip. There's a long pause before he hesitates to ask, "Did he do something?"

"No, God no, Oscar." I exclaim, running a hand through my still wet hair, "I just... woke up feeling sick and you know how I get with sickness."

"Ah, right." Oscar steps back, wringing his hands and swallowing, "Uhm. Sorry for being weird about it."

"You're my brother Ossie, I'm expecting you to be a bit protective." I sigh, "But it's nothing. I promise."

"If it--God forbid, is something, please... tell me."

"I will."

I can't.

01 JUNE - SPAIN

Ada, Astrid, Christian, Andrea and Zak corral me and Lando into a random hotel room in Spain. I had kinda been expecting this to happen, because there was no way they hadn't noticed we had immediately become incredibly awkward around each other.

So they lock us in a bedroom, like we're kids in timeout, and tell us to figure it out.

"If you were worried we slept together," I start with after maybe ten minutes of silence, swallowing hard as I cross my arms over my chest, "we didn't."

"Okay, thank god. I thought we did something and you were gonna hate me forever." He sighs, running a hand through his hair, "I didn't mean to push it with you. Drunk Lando kinda doesn't know when to slow down. I also wanted to make sure you got home safe, and when you said that we should go back I think drunk me got extremely excited."

He's so much like a puppy, talking with his head down almost like his tail was tucked, and I can't help but let out a slow sigh.

"I didn't exactly stop you either, I kinda enjoyed it, dare I say," I rubbed my hands together, before muttering, "I should've talked to you then and not run out. I...that was shitty of me, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, you had every right to be freaked out, I was freaked out too." He sighs, leaning back in his chair as I tap my toes and then start to giggle at just the absolute obscurity of our situation.

"What?" Lando says and I sigh, leaning back and looking up at the ceiling.

"We are so... what are we doing? We're literally fake dating for the media teams for the companies we work for, and...Monaco? We got so into the whole fake dating thing, we literally ended up like that." I giggle. Though Lando laughs along, I sense a sort of bitterness in his tone, and I note it spoils when I say 'we got so into the whole fake dating thing' and so I quiet down. Maybe he didn't want to talk about the fake dating thing at all.

"Look, lets just go back to what we've been doing. It doesn't have to be awkward, we made a mistake, we can't change it." Lando says and I nod, watching the way his adam's apple bobs as he speaks, then I look away when he notices me watching him.

"Yeah." I say, then look back at him, "Let's just go back to normal."

When I get back to the Red Bull garage, I can't help but keep thinking of Lando and everything that had happened. I had this huge stupid crush on this guy who probably, as far as I was aware, wanted nothing to do with me in that sense. We only ever kissed when we were tipsy or blackout drunk, so that didn't do much to solidify any feelings that he actually liked me like I liked him. So, I end up burying my head in my arms and sitting with one knee up to my chest and close my eyes and groan. I hadn't expected anyone to be around, until someone sits next to me and I peek over to see Max.

"What happened to you?"

"Nothin'." I grumble, hiding my face again.

"Something happened, because the last time you sat like this in Red Bull was when your ex tried to date Oaklynn." Max hums, rubbing a warm hand across my shoulders and I groan, whacking his arm half-heartedly.

"Don't remind me, that was so fucking stupid." I murmur into my sleeve, kicking at Max under the table, and he yelps in complaint.

"Mon cher!" A voice shouts from the other end of the garage, and why Charles is here is beyond me before he pauses behind Max and clicks his tongue, "why do you look so upset?"

"She won't say." Max turns around to look at Charles who hums, and then I see he sets down some coffees on a table nearby before coming to lean opposite of me on the table.

"Hey, Piastri." He whispers, "Piastri. Hey. Ollie, Olls, Oliver, Olivia, Liv, Livy, Liver--"

"I think she gets the point." Max laughs, swatting at Charles, before poking my arm, "Are you gonna tell me whats wrong?"

"I'm fine." I sit up, sighing heavily as I lean forward on the table and snap, "you guys are fucking dramatic."

"Woah!" Max puts his hands up with wide eyes and Charles gasps sharply as he stands up from the table, pointing at me.

"Hey! We are not!"

"Then leave me alone!" I stand up, moving away to the office I used in the Spa garage and slammed my door a bit too hard. I groan and toss myself down into my chair and bury my head in my hands. Trying to shake Lando out of my head is impossible when the bundle of flowers he'd bought me for the paddocks here is sitting in the trash can by my feet, and this time three heads poke into my office.

"Ay, what did you do now?"

"Does Ferrari not want their drivers at all?!" I shout, lifting my head to see Carlos poking his head out from the doorway with both Charles and Max besides him.

"No, now what happened, cariño?"

"Nothing! Literally nothing!" I groan, "I just--it's nothing."

"Ah! It's something!" Max points and Carlos steps into the office and crosses his arms as he looks around. It doesn't take him long to notice the flowers, which he points at as he turns back to Max and Charles.

"She threw out Lando's flowers. Trouble in paradise." He says.

"What did Lando do?!" "What did he do? I'll beat his--"

"Oh my god! Enough, all three of you! Go, shoo! Bye! Adios! Au revoir! Doei! Buh-bye! Ciao! Get the fuck out!" I wave them out, pushing them before I shut and lock my office door, pressing my back to it and groaning as I slide down to sit.

Thirty minutes later, when I'm halfway through a report, someone knocks at the door.

"Who is it?!" I shout, lifting my head up from my laptop.

"Oscar."

Seriously? They had to get Oscar involved?

"Come in." I say, and then he jiggles the lock twice as if to emphasize the fact that the door was still locked from after I kicked out the previous trio of drivers trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Hold on." I sigh, standing up and walking over to unlock the offices door to let Oscar into the room. As soon as he's walking in, I pace back to my desk as I ripped out my ponytail and threw it back up messily as the room felt hot even with two fans going on me. I knew it was because of my stress from work and Lando's bullshit, and also, just because of the abnormal high heat in Spain this season.

"You threw out his flowers." Oscar comments as he shuts and locks the door, making his way over to sit on the edge of my desk. I hum in response and he sighs, looking over me with a careful look before he lifts a hand to card through my hair as he mutters, "talk to me, Ollie."

"It's nothing." I sigh as my eyes flicker up to look at him, "Just work."

"Ollie, this isn't how you act after work stresses you out. And this weird attitude has been going on since Saudi, so don't try and act like it's nothing." Oscar crosses his arms as he slips off my desk to walk aimlessly through my small office, "You've been distracted, all giggly and happy when we're racing or doing anything with it, but the second we get far away from it you get all spacey. Especially since the last night in Monaco. It's like you've been stuck in your head since you started dating Lando."

"Ossie..."

"No! Stop--" He pinches his nose as he whips around to face me, pausing when he notices I jump, "Olivia. What is going on with you? What has been happening this whole season? What has Lando done?"

"He hasn't done anything!" I shout, "Stop, oh my god."

"Really? Because he hasn't been able to look me in the eye since Monaco! And I don't know if its just because I still see you as my baby sister, but I'm starting to get a little fuckin' worried. It's not a good sign when the guy your sister is dating won't make eye contact with you, especially if he's one of your closest friends."

There's a pause and I groan, saving my work before burying my head in my hands, "I can't tell you."

"Olivia. What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything other than what we've been told to fucking do, because--" I stand to match my brother, watching as he steps back from the desk to give me space, "Listen, you can't repeat this."

"Why?"

"I signed a contract, a partial NDA."

"Partial NDA?"

"Just listen," I whine and Oscar nods, before I spill everything to him. From Christian's office in Bahrain, all the way to a few hours before in the random hotel room. I tell him every feeling, every thought, every decision that had been made by Red Bull and McLaren's media teams. Everything I felt for Lando, the way my heart fluttered and buttflies filled my stomach, and the way I felt so stupid because I fell in love with a guy I couldn't have even if I wanted it so bad.

Oscar is quiet for a while after I finish, and I slowly sink down to my seat and bury my head in my hands once more as I snip, "Do you see why?"

"Zak and Andrea agreed to this?" Is his first question, "No, sorry, this was their idea?"

"Partially."

"What the fuck. Okay, so, they're having you and Lando date to prove that Lando and Max hate eachother?" His voice is sharper than I've ever heard. Oscar's always been quiet, respectful, and even if I've seen him behind closed doors, I've never seen him like this.

"Yep." Is all I can muster in sarcastic response.

Oscar turns, and laughs with this look of absolute incredulity, "What the fuck does Max have to do with you?"

"I don't even know!" I shout and start laughing, hiding my face in my hands, "I don't even know, Oscar. Like? Is it because I'm close with Max outside of racing?"

"I mean, you are like one of the only non-racers who hangs out with us outside of the races." Oscar shrugs, sitting next to me on my desk and carding through my hair as he lets me rest my forehead against his thigh, "but...I just can't believe you both agreed to this. I can't believe how quickly you both did."

"They didn't threaten me, but it felt kinda..."

"It felt forced because they're your bosses and you don't wanna lose your job."

"Yep."

Oscar sighs, then pokes my nose, "Look, as long as he's not hurting you, I don't care what you do. But this is kinda stupid. Are you really fake dating him?"

I nod.

"Like, you both don't have actual romantic feelings for eachother and are just doing this for the money?" I hesitate to nod and Oscar laughs, "I love you, Ollie, I do, but you're such a shit liar and Lando can't hide his emotions for shit. You both clearly like eachother."

"We have to look like we like eachother for media--"

"You are so in denial! I see it in your eyes!"

"Oh, but you have room to talk, Mr. Oscar 'Heart Eyes' Piastri?"

"Hey!"

16 JUNE, CANADA

OLIVIAPIASTRI POSTED A NEW STORY! ↴

OLIVIAPIASTRI POSTED A NEW POST ↴

oliviapiastri: a wonderful weekend for my boys <3 love u all sm

ferawri: HER BOYS??? HER BOYS?? HERS???

redbwings: lando has been posted above max everyone, rb fans everywhere lose </3

oscarpiastri: didnt even post a podium pic of my face

oliviapiastri: i still work for rb regardless of how much u drag me to mclaren

landonorris: and i still cannot believe u chugged both of those redbulls

oliviapiastri: im fuckin CRAZYYYY

oaklynnpiastri: she does that quite often

maxverstappen: the flowers...

charlesleclerc: the way i was just about to comment something

charlesleclerc: @ carlossainz come look

carlossainz: omg no more trouble in paradise guys :D!

oliviapiastri: i'm never letting u guys into my office again ( @ scuderiaferrari come get ur drivers from the rb paddock before i kill them pretty pls <3 )

scuderiaferrari: RUNNING!!!

LANDONORRIS POSTED A NEW POST↴

landonorris: thank u canada, see u soon GB. I'm coming for p1.

oliviapiastri: AND U DIDNT SEND ME THAT PICTURE U BITCH

landonorris: SORRY I TOOK IT LIKE TWO SECONDS BEFORE POSTING !!!!!

maxverstappen: never gonna happen

landonorris: im gonna crashgate you max

oscarpiastri: MEDIA TRAINING LANDO MEDIA TRAINING!!!

landonorris: I AM NOT GOING TO CRASHGATE THIS. LEGALLY THAT WAS A JOKE.

mclaren: someone come get our drivers pls.

roscoefanacc: so he posts olivia.... strange man.

opheliapiastri: @ oaklynnpiastri look.

oaklynnpiastri: ✍✍✍

oscarpiastri: pls help me u two

opheliapiastri: skill issue.

liked by oaklynnpiastri, landonorris

carlossainz: go lando go

-

Somehow I end up with Daniel, Carlos, Charles, Max, and Lando in Oscar and I's hotel room. I've got probably six hundred dollars in drinks alone spread throughout the room, and I'm half laying in Lando's lap as Oscar recounts some story from back home. And as I take a sip of my drink, Lando comments to the story of Oscar's ex-girlfriend,

"Better than what Ollie and I are doing."

I spit the drink out, luckily into the glass and turn around to whack him while he shouts complaints, "Hey! You told all your siblings, we can tell these guys!"

"We aren't supposed to tell anyone!" I complain, laying back on him lap and jabbing my nail into his thigh, causing him to yelp in complaint.

"So, what are you guys doing?" Carlos asked, taking a good sized gulp of his drink, and once I've sworn a room full of drunk men to secrecy or castration, Lando and I indulge them in the truth fo our relationship. It goes like some sort of sports play-by-play, like we're the stars and they're the announcers, calling out everything they can think of.

"Wait, wait--so what happens if they find out you're telling people?" Daniel asks, eyes still wide in realization and I shrug.

"We probably lose a cut of the money we would've made off this whole stunt." Lando hums, "but honestly, money or not, this whole experience has been a lot of fun. Olivia's good company."

"So all the heart eyes I see you two shoot at each other are fake? How the hell are you so convincing!" Charles exclaims and both Carlos and Max back him up. I can't offer a proper explanation, so I just shrug and laugh. The conversation carries us through the time everyones leaving, other than Lando who had decided finishing a bottle of Bacardi by himself was a good idea and was now laying face first on the floor. I wasn't too far behind him, but able to make myself look sober enough to bid our friends goodbye at the door.

Max catches my arm before he leaves, phone on call with Kelly loosely in his other hand as he speaks softly, "Please don't feel like you have to date Lando because of this whole thing. Christian gave you a way out if you need it."

"We'll be okay." I laugh softly, looking back at sleepy Lando, who Oscar's trying to coax onto the couch where he might be a bit more comfy.

"Well, if anything, know you two at least sell everything really well." He grins and then Carlos and Charles are giggling and dragging him away as I wave goodbye and shut and lock the door. Lando has ended up on my bed, on top of everything we had been packing, and I tell Oscar it's good enough and that we can move Lando later when he's more awake.

But Oscar and I just get drunker throughout the night, so I dont think he ever gets moved.

OLIVIAPIASTRI POSTED A NEW STORY! ↴

THIS STORY HAS BEEN DELETED.

taglist:

@harrysdimple05 @charli123456789 @fangirl125reader

[inchidentally]

https://x.com/lanclaren/status/1729279847086669903?s=20 I think about this moment a lot and it actually made me think that Zak took Lando's words to heart very literally and made Oscar his teammate :)

g o d

the way you can hear the little parley they would end up using for those first few months as teammates figuring each other out even here - where Lando would say something and Oscar could only repeat it back to him while staring too hard and smiling like he can't even stop it long enough to play it cool

and the fact that Lando looked at the scrap of a boy beaming at him and said "not yet" and locked eyes with him a little too long... without knowing he'd one day be sauntering up to a taller and broader Oscar saying "did you grow, motherfucker?" just to watch Oscar turn back into that bashful boy in the Alpine shirt again

also the idea of Zak seeing this and then jump forward to this video and Zak seeming like the most unlikely cupid ever and standing all over the damn flowers but then smiling when Oscar bashfully tags Lando like "you're mine" is afljashfalsfshfa

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

So I want to talk about Ed's anger. A lot of people seem to catagorize the Kraken as angry. And a lot of meta has been written about how actually it's a defense mechanism not anger. But I am having a lot of feelings about how fucking scared he is.

Like I've made visual references. We see Ed angry four times that I can identify and one of these times he's also feeling other things.

Like he's a screamer. I've said it ever since the beginning, he's an intense guy and he feels his emotions pretty intensely. He's a screamer, is what I'm saying. He doesn't hold back his emotional response.

But all of the Kraken scenes whatever emotions he's having in that top video are certainly not the same emotions he's having in the Kraken scenes.

(I hate the fact that it won't let me upload more than one video I had videos)

But the scene I want to zero in specifically on is this one.

I'll just describe the scene for you. Izzy says his little "this is Blackbeard, not some namby pamby in a silk gown pining for his boyfriend," line and then Ed slams him against the wall and says in a very low, quiet tone "Choose your next word's wisely dog" and his face looks like this

And then Izzy brushes his hand against Ed's face and makes it incredibly weird.

To me that doesn't seem like anger. That's not how Ed expresses his anger under normal circumstances. Under normal circumstances he gets loud, maybe he breaks something. I think this particular choking thing is a performance. Because to me this voice sounds closest to the voice Ed is using at Story Time when he's specifically trying to be menacing to the crew. (specifically while he's telling the story of how his dad dies and then again when he says "She just might answer") It doesn't sound exactly like that because he's directing it at someone in an aggressive manner, but that's what it sounds the most like to me.

Basically he's preforming Blackbeard for Izzy right now, not having an angry outburst. I would like to posit that this is because the emotion he's experiencing right now is fear, not anger. This is akin to a fawn threat response (i.e. immediately trying to please or pacify the threat in order to avoid conflict.) It just looks different because pleasing and pacifying Izzy looks different than pleasing and pacifying other people.

And Izzy gives him some....

Positive(?) feedback. Feedback that means it's working.

Then then next time he does anything violent it's after he's had time to think. He throws Lucius overboard. He's not angry in this scene either

He fucking smiles at Lucius, does a full on Kubric stare, and acts pretty numb about it after he does it. He's laying it on thick with the "I'm Evil" bit in that scene. And then during the toe scene, that fucking voice shows up again whatever he says right after he says "open up" is in that Blackbeard TM voice.

Ed hasn't once in the show before this bothered to hide or temper his emotions, he's an incredibly expressive man (or a highly emotional person as David Jenkins has described him), but in every scene in between when he lets go of the fabric and when he's alone in his room crying motherfucker is going for the Oscar, he's got a full mask over his emotions. Izzy showed him in the scene where he touched his face that this would work in terms of satisfying him that blackbeard's back so he performs and performs and performs. Why? Because he's afraid, not angry. Blackbeard is and always has been a suit of armor for him.

And this is supported by him saying "I am the Kraken." The emotion we're coaxed to associate the Kraken with is fear. Ed introduces us to the concept of the Kraken by telling a story about the scariest thing he's ever seen. Then the first time we see Ed truly afraid and he has a PTSD flashback to killing his father, it's followed up by him crawling into a bathtub and confessing that he's the Kraken. When the Kraken originated we see Ed's face morph from a face of terror to a face of determination, he kills his dad, and then Ed's own capacity for violence becomes his worst fear, and the reason he doesn't kill people directly.

Anyway. He's not mad (in either sense of the word), he's terrified.

[certifieddilfenjoyer]

Pics and my rant (it get's progressively worse)

Do you guys remember that clip from The Oscars, where a cameraman was recording Brad Pitt for an uncomfortably long time? This is me with Raphael. The way I would stare at him, in order to memorize every single pore of his skin- you guys don't get it. I need him under my skin, I need my soul sealed with his, I need to bask in his glory and his proximity, I want to sniff the cherries, musk and the motherfucking sulphur, I don't care. I want to brush my thumbs across his eyebrows and kiss his pretty, slender hands. I want to rub his back and wash his hair, gently pat moisturizing cream on his face. I will be on my 200% for him, I will bake/cook him his favourite stuff (he probably doesn't even eat 💀), I want to paint him a big ass portrait of his human form and an accurate one of his devil form. He is my muse, he makes me smile and giggle with his silly poetics. He can walk on me if there is a puddle in his way. I'm gonna love him so hard I will fill the gap left by Mephistopheles (delusional). I am losing my fucking mind. Larian conjured a spell with this 3D pixel man and Andrew cooked so hard I will never forget about this character. Every time when I feel like I am returning from this high, I realise that the passion and love is spilling to the VA and my absolute adoration for dilfs is not helping me. Andrew is so fucking fine, it makes me stupid. I want to religiously draw him, because in my eyes he is Raphael (not in a sense, that I don't separate him from the character, but in a sense that I feel just as strongly for both of them), but I have to actively fight my urges LMAO

[bwoahtastic]

sorry, but i just looove this au so i wrote a little smth🥹✌🏻

„Do you still not want to tell me your name, little one?” Nico softly asked, carding through the young Omega’s matted blond hair. She only got a vehement headshake in return and sighed lowly under her breath.

“I want my pup,” the Omega whined pitifully, hissing when Daniel lightly dabbed at his injured hip. His big teary eyes darted around worriedly. “Where is my pup?”

Nico gently caught his hands that tried to swat at Daniel, wanting to squirm away from the discomfort. “Your pup is fine, he is playing with Oscar, remember? I promise you, he is more than fine. Please stay still, Daniel and Seb will take care of your wound.”

“I don’t need that,” the Omega protested, getting more panicked by the second again, trying to get up. “I just want my pup and to leave, I won’t be any bother, just let me go, let me go!”

“Omega.” Nico growled warningly, not actually using her Alpha voice but it was close to bordering on it. She didn’t want to use it, especially not on such a young and scared poor thing, but she couldn’t let him hurt himself more. He was getting too stressed out for her liking, seen that she could clearly smell that he was pregnant. He didn’t seem to know yet, though. Maybe that was for the better in this moment. “Lay down and stay still. Please.”

He stocked in her grasp, fastened breaths hitching, as he stared at Nico out of impossibly big and fearful eyes. He did stop fighting her, and let the Alpha carefully guide him lay him back down. She kept his hands in hers, talking softly and slowly,

“That’s good, you’re a good Omega. You are safe with us, as is your pup. No one will hurt you here, not ever. Daniel and Seb will tend to your wound because we can not risk it being infected, and then we will bring your pup back in. Yes?”

The Omega whined again, fearfully staring at Daniel who stood at his side and gave him a warm smile, eyes darting to Seb and then back to Nico, before nodding meekly. His entire body was tensed up, ready to snap like a wire. Nico rumbled quietly in the hopes of helping him calm down, as did Seb purr and release a calming scent, assisting Daniel from the other side.

“It’s okay, just focus on me,” Nico whispered, trying to shield him from seeing how Daniel carefully started to remove the clothes that got stuck in the wounded flesh, soaked in blood. Feeling it was enough of a torture, he didn’t need to see it too. “Just focus on me, little one, good. You’re doing so good, you’re so very brave. Who did this to you? Do you want to tell me?”

“Strays,” the Omega whispered, panting, “‘t was my fault.”

Nico tutted softly. “No, it surely wasn’t.”

“I’m very sorry, buddy,” Daniel chimed in, “But I reckon this will hurt like a motherfucker.”

That’s all the warning any of them get before the Omega was yelping and writhing in pain, and Nico’s heart hurt when she had to hold the poor thing down. She could only hope that the pups were far enough away to not smell the horribly sour scent of pain and his heart-wrenching noises.

plsss i love this so so much you are amaxing!!!

Poor little Omega Maxy being so scared abd just wanting to go and not be a burden! And poor thing just asking for his sweet pup snd being so scared he is not gonna get him back!

Nico almost having to use her Alpha voice to settle Max and Max being so scared!

Ans Dan being himself saying its gonna hurt like a motherfucker nngg pls poor Maxy being confused and in pain and worried about his baby😭

My hearrtttt I love this so much thank you!!!

[seeingivy]

after seeing catoru, I like to hc that Satoru played the Grinch (that man seems too comfy in that cat suit to not have prior suit experience🤨 slayed the house down with this role no doubt it won him an Oscar). Suguru was Martha May Who (basically their jjk roles reversed but if Suguru had come back to love his man😔🙄)

oh I LOVE THIS HC. actor!gojo is genuinely so unserious because first of all. he is like obviously a very phenomenal actor - this man is not a triple threat for no reason like he can do it all. but because he can he LOVES oddball movies like this where he just gets to play a fucking weird ass character. some examples:

the grinch, like you said

mrs. doubtfire. he plays mrs. doubtfire.

I already added to my canon that sukuna gets to play the prince in cinderella BUT gojo is playing the king but he makes the role SOOOOOOOO UNSERIOUS GOD

elf. he is the elf in elf. stupid ass fucking movie has his name written all over it

also like even tho he's an A lister he keeps ending up in hallmark movies, not cuz he can't get roles, but he just loves the plot. like oh he's a businessman going to a small town and falling in love with a baker yup

listen. i've thoguht about this long and hard. TWILIGHT in the method acting verse. here are my castings:

annie is bella. she eats that whole no emotion thing up so easily

yuuta is edward. he got that sickly pale thing going on too good. (jean hates his life when he doesn't get cast)

reiner is jacob 😭 he puts his whole reinussy into bella where the hell have you been loca

that being said. GETO IS LITERALLY CARLISLE SORRY LIKE THE WHOLE SEXY DOCTOR DADDY THING HE EATS IT UP SO FAST

levi is charlie. he got that whole angry daddy thing going on without even acting

that being said, who is satoru you may ask?

aro. that motherfucker from the volturi who just stays giggling for no reason. like that litearlly is him sorry I don't make the rules.

and the worst part? actor!gojo will do all this unserious stuff but once in a while do like a poster ad for calvin klein or like a shirtless vogue cover and everyone is foaming at the mouth. because at the end iof the day, he is just sexy.

[fbfh]

AHHH BABES I KINDA RELATE TO YOU A LOT

I end up crushing on two-three characters from different fandoms, and most of those fade out over time, but my first ever crush, who I'm pretty sure I'm in love with?? Which I've never been able to let go of?? Even tho I'm aro-spec??

Leo fucking Valdez. Idk what's it about him but I'm pretty sure he rules over the fictional crushes realm in my head– if you know what I mean– do you?

~ 🔮

FR FR FR. Leo motherfucking Valdez is just built different. Esperanza and Sally need oscars for the art they've created. I have been in love with this man for closer to 10 years than not (which is fucking crazy to think about) and his charm has never once wavered. I've just been steadily getting more down bad for him. Like I'll remember characters I was obsessed with and get re obsessed with them but Leo is just there constantly. Like in the season of the bachelorette taking place in my brain where every fictional character has to compete for my love it's just a season of me dismissing everyone that's not Leo. No one holds a candle to this man (which is good bc he can light candles whenever) and he's so warm and he just... molds himself to you. he presses up close to you and fills every little crack and crevice and it's not until you're closer to him than you've ever been to anyone that you realize he really is just that good for you. he's just that perfect. he's a walking goddamn dream and all he cares about is you. hnnnnnnnnnng i'm weeping. weeping over him.

[marleyybluu]

Problem

Summary: Melanie and Oscar are supposed to be just friends with benefits but Oscar has a slight issue with her going on dates. Word count: 1.4k Warnings: swearing side note: This was originally long asf but I split it so... also, I apologize for any incorrect Spanish words my brother's girl is teaching me so I thought I'd try my skills lol

Melanie was infuriated and even then she wasn't sure if that described the anger that rushed through her veins. Her weekend plans were in motion, she had a date tonight that she was excited about considering she was basically a parent to her own sister she had little to no free time for herself, so when her sister went out of town to their aunt's house for the weekend she was ready to let loose.

Melanie had begun talking to someone not too long ago, someone who was sweet to her, who she liked and was hoping to start a relationship with but her fantasy world came crashing down when he got involved.

"I could fucking strangle you!" She screamed.

The night had gone great, her date picked her up, brought her flowers, and they drove off to their reservations-- the food was lovely, the conversation was flowing and neither of them wanted the night to end so they decided to go for a walk around a nearby park. Little did the young lady know there was someone keeping eye on her the whole night, a predator watching his prey.

Oscar chuckled closing the door.

"Why is that shit funny to you Diaz!? I can't even have a good night without your bullshit!"

Oscar, aka Spooky, and Melanie's relationship was complicated to most even herself would wonder all the what if's after their multiple interactions. But that's all they were. Interactions. She'd found herself caught up in his bed or his in hers when her sister went to sleep, sometimes they'd just talk or cuddle and fall asleep but for the majority, they'd go at it like rabbits. Her friends often teased her how that dick had her sprung off him but she'd deny it til the dogs come home.

Melanie had figured that nothing romantic would ever happen between them so she decided to branch out and find herself someone stable enough and this guy seemed like the one, but that was clearly over now.

Once they arrived at the park her date noticed someone was following them, he nudged her notifying her of the tall brooding man behind them but she let out a long sigh when she realized it was Oscar. She told him to ignore him and that he wouldn't do anything but another man was walking in their direction though she recognized him too, Sad Eyes.

The two did their best to intimidate her partner and it worked, he told her he'd call her another time but they both knew that was a lie. And now it felt like she was back at square one.

Oscar shuffled to the couch grabbing the remote and flipping through channels while she paced back and forth cursing him out in Spanish. "Ay! Pendejo! Hijo de puta! Te odio!"

"No, you don't." He confidently said. "I do actually." She stomped off to her room to remove the clothes she had on, slipping off her heels and resting them next to her full-length mirror, next to go was her jewelry she placed every piece back where she got it. "Stupid motherfucker." She mumbled under her breath.

Melanie whined trying to reach for her zipper, it was already a miracle that she got it to go up now she was struggling to get it down. Heavy footsteps soon entered her bedroom and cold hands ran down her exposed back. She looked up at the young man through their reflection. "Just unzip, stop being annoying."

Oscar found it amusing when he ruined her potential dates, the way she'd get so angry after, knowing they'd be back to their own games. It was a sick and probably twisted thing to think and do but it is what it is in his opinion.

His eyes ran down her skin examining the tattoo that covered her spine, his favourite thing to look at when he was behind— well aside from seeing the way her ass recoiled every time their hips collided. He slowly and carefully unzipped her dress, his hands exploring her waist and shimmying up her torso just under her breasts, she didn't protest nor did she want to.

Spooky was that forbidden fruit that God told Eve not to touch, she couldn't get enough of him, he knew her body like a fat kid knows what time the ice cream truck was coming. He knew what made her whimper, her toes crack, her body twist— the spots on her skin that made her giggle, knew all the right things to say and do. She cursed herself for falling for him knowing this was just supposed to be a quick fuck.

The hair on his chin tickled her shoulder when he rested his head in the crook of her neck, soft lips contacting with her skin, chest pressed against her back. He glanced up at the mirror. "I'm still mad at you." She whispered fighting hell and high waters not to moan.

"Mmm, I'm sorry baby."

Melanie rolled her eyes. "Stop calling me that."

Oscar hesitated. "What do you prefer? Mi Amor? Mamita? Chiquita?" He smirked returning to her neck.

"Why do you do this to me?" A rhetorical question but she would've loved an answer. Why did he like to call her all these pet names, cuddle with her, give her forehead kisses and all the cute foolishness but wasn't going to cuff her?

He slowly pulled down her dress kissing along her naked skin, down to the back of her thighs, he looked up noticing she really wasn't here— physically she was but her head in the clouds. "I'm not in the mood Spooky."

He closed his eyes and sighed, he lowkey hated when she called him by his street name. Melanie removed herself from his hold in search of her pyjamas, he watched her put on her night clothes and grab her makeup wipes venturing off to her bathroom.

"What's wrong?"

Was he serious?

"Are you smoking too much weed or something? You ruined my date because you're fucking selfish."

Oscar leaned against the bathroom wall. "I don't get you," she continued. "Yeah okay at the start we both knew we were just fucking, but the sappy shit you do with me, you spend the night, you'll stay the morning sometimes, you show up to my work just to say hi, I mean what is all of that Spooky?"

Oscar wasn't a person who really expressed how he felt, in a way, it was humiliating being vulnerable he didn't want to be shut down and rejected for it, so he just didn't bother with it. However, being with Melanie was definitely a change. He smiled whenever her name popped up on his phone, the long-lasting FaceTime calls, the sweet messages he'd get from her saying she was thinking about him, they'd formed some sort of bond over the few months and he enjoyed it.

But he didn't have an answer for her. Well, he didn't want to answer her.

"That's what the fuck I thought."

Oscar grumbled. "It's really not that serious Mel."

"It is serious. You are a fucking problem Oscar, you don't want to date me, YOU KNOW you don't want to date me and that's fine, that's not my issue, my issue is that you seem like you don't want to share me."

He didn't.

She resumed. "If you're not going to claim me, or date me, then I'm not going to be pinned to you. It's nothing wrong with me seeing what's out there. This is not the first time you've ruined a date and I doubt it'd be the last."

Oscar was starting to feel guilty about his actions, the irritation in her voice was starting to get to him and he knew she was serious about what she was saying. Melanie didn't beat around the bush like the rest, she didn't care who you were if you were the Queen of England or the King of the streets, she'd let you know what she thought of you good or bad. She brushed past him walking down the hall back to the living room.

"You should go, I have work tomorrow."

He didn't like that dry, plain and simple tone. "Mel, come on man."

"Goodnight Oscar." She coldly responded not even looking at him when she said, he sucked his teeth and left her house she flinched hearing the door slam. She was over it tonight, completely, and utterly over it.

[ethereal-bumble-bee]

No One- Crutchie

(Warning for graphic violence, murder, and injury)

“A child not embraced by their village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”

-African Proverb

    No one came to help him.

    Crutchie couldn't blame them. For forever, that was his goal- blend into the background, go unseen for as long as he could, stay safe and invisible.

    Really, the world was more than happy to do so, to push him away and forget he ever existed. How convenient it was for them, to tuck him away in a little corner where he couldn’t be bothersome. They truly decided everything, so to speak… those rich motherfuckers sitting in palaces molded from money while Crutchie and his brothers starved.

    They were crushed under the boots of people like Pulitzer all their lives, begging for some sort of mercy and receiving none. When the time came for them to speak up, for the ignorant people to learn of their suffering and hardships, it was so damn easyfor them to silence them.

    Not a single person batted an eye when they shoved him into a filthy jail cell, his only companionship the other rats which were trapped there with him.

    No attention was payed to his cries of terror and fear, the lashes which burned on his back and the bruises which colored his face.

    No one noticed, and no one cared- until now.

    The weight of the crutch was almost reassuring, the sensation of splintered wood catching his clothes bringing Crutchie back to reality as he lifted it high above his head, Oscar’s own cry of fear ringing in his ears, barely heard over the blood rushing in his head.

    “Please,” Oscar begged, his voice hoarse from screams that racked his body every time Crutchie brought the makeshift weapon down. “Please don’t hurt me.”

    Crutchie almost laughed. “Don’t hurt you? After everything?” he said incredulously. “After what you did to us, to me?” A cackle finally tore through him, a laugh born of a mix of disbelief and insanity. “You don’t deserve mercy, Oscar. You deserve whatever punishment the devil decides for you.” At the sob that this evoked from Oscar, Crutchie’s voice shook with rage. “And I’ll be happy to send you to ‘im.”

    Oscar was crumpled on the ground, shaking with pain and fear, and Crutchie, for just a moment, was reminded of himself- how many times had he been reduced to this, this pathetic mess of terror? For just a moment, he considered that maybe he’d taught Oscar enough, that maybe it wasn’t right to fight fire with fire, just this once.

    Think of those other kids he must’ve hurt, Crutchie. Think of Jack, and Les, and the kids in The Refuge with you. He’s not like you- he’s not innocent.

    “See you in hell, Delancey,” Crutchie spat, delivering one last blow with the crutch to Oscar’s soul, the sickening crunch of bone jarring his mind. Blood splattered, the man beneath his feet finally silent. Staring down, Crutchie noticed how much younger fear and death made Oscar look… he looked just like any of those kids in that prison. Scared. Hopeless.

    And, now- dead.

    Crutchie shot one last look at Oscar before turning on his heels and leaving the body of one of the most feared employees of the World alone in that alleyway, an ironic testament to the fear and suffering he’d caused so many.

    Me and you, we ain’t so different, Crutchie thought, satisfaction and the last hints of anger coloring his thoughts a dark crimson. No one came to help me, and no one’ll come for you, either.

[thatqueervampire]

YESSSSSSSS, I WANT TO SEE A TWINK GO ON A BLOODY MURDER RAMPAGE BECAUSE HIS LEATHERDADDY GOT TAKEN BY THE BAD GUY, HE'S JOINED BY A PAIR OF VISCIOUS LESBIANS, A GAGGLE OF EXISTENTIALY CONFLICTED BI PEOPLE, MULTIPLE PEOPLE IN THE GROUP ARE TRANS/ENBY

there are 3 mcr songs in the director's cut, it's 5 hours long. With intermission breaks

There's a satisfying ending.

ONE OF THE MESSY BISEXUALS (further denoted as 'bisexual²') GETS INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN OTHERWORLDLY BEING

There's a t4t couple in the gaggle of bisexuals.

The twink is one of the most sturdy motherfuckers in the group, and get regularly RAGDOLLED in the numerous boss fights.

they have to go to hell, they take a train there and back, it's just for groceries to make snacks because there's a 30 minute domesticity break where they get to make food and sleep in comfy beds.

A FEW OF THEM JUST FUCKING DOGPILE ONTO ONE BED.

the aformentioned bisexual² doesn't sleep, instead they just kinda chill on the balcony(and smoke weed of course), they start looking less and less human as the movie progresses.

THE BAD GUY IS EWAN MCGREGOR, WITH THE SAME GAY ASS POWER TRIP HE DOES WHEN HE'S PLAYING FLAMBOYANT CHARACTERS, he fully drops it when the final fight comes, and it's FUCKING brutal, at least 1 of gays dies there's no warning shots, McGregor IS ONLY GOING FOR FATAL STRIKES, ITS ALL SWORD-FIGHTING.

One of the lesbians just fucking bodies McGregor with a double barreled shotgun (he dies).

The last 30 minutes is the most lovingly crafted conclusion, it wins an Oscar for best screenplay.

[ecoamerica]

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[artblock-tm]

So! Most of my followers would not have known this (since I didn’t talk about it on this account), but I’ve been reading the Irish poem The Pursuit of Diarmuid and Gráinne. I just finished it recently, and wanted to share some personal highlights:

-Fionn exhibits SERIOUS maidenless behavior

-I’m still floored that Gráinne put the taboo on Diarmuid right in front of the rest of the Fianna. And the Fianna had to go “sorry bro better do what she says….yeah we’ll miss you good luck bro.”

-It’s so funny that Oísin and Oscar are both seriously against Fionn’s bullshit but are dragged into it anyways

-Fionn somehow keeps finding the STUPIDEST MOTHERFUCKERS to go try and kill Diarmuid. Diarmuid killed 150 people in the span of 3 days by going, “Hey, wanna see a cool trick?” and doing some stunt and each day 50 men died trying to replicate that stunt.

-The. The berry plotline.

-The whole poem emphasized that Diarmuid would never so much as look at Gráinne the wrong way. And then at one point she just randomly drops the bombshell that she’s heavily pregnant. With Diarmuid’s kid. They fucked and there was no mention of it.

-The fact that a group of knights, in attempting to clear their beef with Fionn, gave Fionn some berries and be like “we picked these :) too bad we didn’t see that Diarmuid guy though” and Fionn’s response was “I call BULLSHIT. I can smell Diarmuid’s skin on those berries.” (It’s likely that they, too, have fucked in the past.)

-The fact that Diarmuid was fucking with the chess game between Fionn and Oísin??? Just so Fionn would lose??? And then kissing Gráinne after he was caught??? It’s so petty I love it.

-Skipping to the part where all is forgiven. Apparently the whole thing takes place over 16 years. Which makes a bit more sense with the pregnancy thing but I still feel like there was some character development we skipped over.

-It’s sooo much fun to read about your Irish mythology blorbo after being brutally gored and disemboweled by a boar suffering and about to die while Fionn insults him </3

-Thank goodness Oísin was there to talk shit at his dad for not giving Diarmuid the water! But Diarmuid still died :(

-Gráinne hoping she can mourn her lover but Angus goes “Nope. I’m taking his body off to fairyland so I can bring him back to life every day so we can chat.” And he did. And she had no say in it.

-The ending, unfortunately, was really anticlimactic. Gráinne hyped up all her children and sent them on quests so they could train to avenge their father, but Fionn manages to sweet talk Gráinne into living happily ever after with him. When her kids came to get revenge, Gráinne was like “nah we’re cool now” and the kids went, “oh okay” and it just ended there. The end.

[fouralignments]

Do you hate Shaw and Apocalypse equally or one more than another?

The X-Men Films have always created villains that could exist in real life your Senator Kellys, Trasks, William Strykers, Warren Worthington II theses motherfuckers exist. The Foxverse always tended toward realism, which isn't grimdark, it was more of mutants and a bit of advanced tech was all that was extraordinary. When compared to DC and MCU; without the distraction of aliens, other superheroes (though I got to admit Sam Ramini's spiderman could exist as it is similarly grounded; though that might just be an effect of being produced in the same decades and subject to the same trends); so mutants could be highlighted and doesn't need to justify itself as a phemameoun, so the story could focus on characters and thus be driven by them.

In a way Shaw was a twist villain, up and until that general getting exploded, again up to that point we hadn't had a true mutant villains. yes I know Magneto was the villain in X-Men, but I would the true villain US gov and the mutant registration act that forced Erik's hand.

This motherfucker could very well exist; maybe I'm just weird I took a deep dive into how and the why authoritarianism happens, read me some Robert A. Paxton; hell I even took a class on Democratic Backsliding; I'm a big fan of Hannah Arendt; so, I get the implications of his character. That's what makes him so fucking scary. I fucking hate him. Erik cannot kill this guy enough.

In my book, he's always a villain and deserves no sympathy and will be written as such.

Now, moving on to Apocalypse, what I hate about him is how he is written. I'm going to restate one of my points, I've been making about his character. En Sabah Nur should have been an outside-context type villain, it was hinted in the movie, but given enough time. It would so easy to justify, not so much the Foxverse seeming to copy off of the MCU; however, XM:A was indeed a character piece despite how deluded; this movie desperately focus and a better driving core story. I liked the outcome of Charles's character specially less the journey and the repeated plot beats for both Erik, Raven; they as characters weren't moving forward and changing.

Unlike like DP which had to break its own back in the mental gymnastics to justify itself which crap storytelling in and of itself and should not be done; like if you have break your own fucking magic system in order to make your story work, go back to the drawing broad!

Anyhow, for one ancient Egyptian did erase records by defacing monuments and images of people they perceived as traitors, and being a false god would be so, so the information to uncover is not there and lost to history. Then the children of the atom mutant hypothesis has been established from First Class not that science is wrong, however the scientific community hasn't been presented with new information that contradicts or challenges their assumptions; they have to explain something that fits within the facts of the paradigm. So given that fact, they would even consider the possibility of ancient mutant existing and let alone living until the 20th century. En Sabah Nur would be as huge paradigm shift that would leave the world scrambling for answers and how to defeat him.

One of the reasons I hate DP is that nobody fucking comments on the bloodily miracle of aliens landing on Earth!

But I can't bring myself to hate on Apocalypse. How Oscar Isaac plays Apocalypse is just so fun! Soft spoken, but yet can be so over the top and hammy. Maybe its because of Oscar Isaac and how much he was wasted in this role and the god awful make up he was in that did no favors for him.

En Sabah Nur could have easily won the movie and recruited so many more mutants.

Like I know I can write En Sabah Nur better than Hollywood. It could have been so cool if Sabah Nur actually challenged Charles and Erik on leadership and being good parents, where the stakes would matter like getting Mystique and Peter on his side. Isaac can pull of of soft dad roles. The writer's had the perfect set-up for Mystique and Peter, for Raven/Mystique she never asked to be the 'hero' of mutantkind nor does she believe the lie of a world that doesn't exist, ok cool turn her into a rouge or villain; with Peter, break into the Pentagon could have gotten him the attention of William Stryker where he was tortured and found out to be Erik's kid and learned about that and just felt betrayed by Charles and Erik who completely forgot about him and Sabah Nur is the one who saved him, Peter feels indebted to him. Also, Even Peters playing a villain and En Sabah Nur slotting himself in a fatherly figure to Quicksilver.

it would have been a great contrast to other X-Men villains and to Erik and Charles themselves, where it was a matter of survival and protecting other mutants and just the world. Now it so much more personal to the heroes, it challenging their philosophy, leadership and who they are, not really seen until First Class, which was more about finding who they are. Apocalypse is the mantle in which they must test themselves against, but also fight those that they love. Holy shit that would have made an amazing movie.

What I like about En Sabah Nur as a character is that I have so much creative freedom with him and I can take him in so many directions.

[coquelicoq]

i hope kathony kept mr. brookes in lemon cake for the rest of his days. i hope they made him the bridgerton family jeweler. i hope he was the godfather of every single one of their children. this is the only happily ever after i will accept and i am not taking questions at this time💕

part v of bridgerton characters as text posts

[Image description: 10 stills featuring characters from season 2 of the TV show “Bridgerton” with tumblr text posts edited in.

1: Kate is sitting in a room at the palace watching Edwina and Anthony plan their wedding with the Queen. The text post by tumblr user BitchyCode reads “where's my oscar for acting like i'm not falling apart”

2: Penelope is eavesdropping on two gossiping footmen at a ball. The text post by GrandEstrology reads “I don't wanna get involved in the drama I just wanna know 103% of the information on what happened”

3: Anthony smirks at Kate after being welcomed to the soiree she had deliberately not invited him to. The text post by greelin reads “[looks fondly at character] ah, there he is. that motherfucker. what a tool”

4: Edwina looks up at Kate on her wedding day with angry tears in her eyes. The text post by greelin reads “i may be short but that doesn't mean you're not about to experience the wrath of a god”

5: Lady Mary stands up to her parents at dinner. The text post by XiaoGuiWang reads “with all due respect, which is none,”

6: Close-up of Penelope's hand holding a quill as she writes an anonymous gossip sheet exposing her best friend Eloise's scandalous activities. The text post by BisexualCrabKing reads “* writing in my diary using a glitter gel pen * i'm losing my sense of humanity”

7: Eloise stands between Penelope and Kate at Lady Danbury's soiree, grimacing as she watches gentlemen show off their questionable talents. The text post by ghirahime reads “am i too judgemental or is everyone annoying: an autobiography by me"

8: Portia gazes woefully at her reflection in the mirror while bemoaning her family's dire financial straits. The text post by KeyBoardE reads “having a million dollars would improve my life by 100%”

9: Mr. Brookes stands between Kate and Anthony, looking pleased with himself after placing the betrothal ring meant for Kate's sister onto Kate's finger. The text post by joey-wheeler-official reads “Hot wedding idea, the worst man, it's his duty to try and prevent the wedding at all costs.”

10: Edwina glares up at Anthony, supremely unimpressed, after handing his bouquet off to a footman. The text post by ArabWife reads “I'll get over it I just gotta be dramatic first"

/end ID]

[questionablygourmet]

They love, and kill what they love

So I now own a 1937 edition of The Ballad of Reading Gaol, by Oscar Wilde, and I’m mostly being amused about the introduction, which takes great pains to make clear that the editor does not personally approve of our esteemed author (but his work has some merit, flawed by Aestheticism and gayness though it may be). 

And I just fucking realized where the fuck I knew that line from:

Each man kills the thing he loves.

That’s from The Ballad of Reading Gaol.  The lines in Naka-Choko, at the Awkward Love Triangle Dinner, are “They love, and kill what they love” (Alana) and “And eat what they love” (Hannibal).

Bryan Fuller you literary motherfucker (affectionate). 

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!