#and about 8-9 months free from self harm!!

[butchdykekondraki]

2024 yippie

[definitelynotstable]

Vice [Ghost x gn!Reader]

(A Camomile Interlude)

pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4, pt. 5, pt. 6, pt. 7, pt. 8, pt. 9, pt. 10, pt. 11, pt. 12, pt. 13, pt. 14, pt. 15, pt. 16, pt. 17

AN: Hey girlies (gender neutral term), uni is being a bitch right now and I'm at a mental capacity hence the less frequent updates. BUT here’s a wee hurt/comfort interlude that will hopefully tide you over till the next Camomile chapter :)

Synopsis: Set sometime in the early few chapters of Camomile. Ghost catches you at war with a punching bag – the bag is winning. Hurt/comfort. Word Count: 1.3k Warnings: Canon typical violence. Mentions of self-harm, violence, sex, drugs, smoking etc. Ghost x gn!Reader (Callsign: Rags)

✧˚ · .

Everyone who enlisted had some sort of problem. A generalisation that could be easily backed up with evidence if someone bothered to carry out the research. And if one were the outlier who enlisted issue-free there was no doubt they’d be left with an arsenal of them if they survived long enough to retire.

Mental health was something not many talked about. Besides, If one were too open they risked an honourable discharge.

And so when the horrors of the mind became too much, people turned to alternatives. Alcohol, drugs (you’d be surprised what could be snuck onto a military base), sex, smoking, violence, self-harm – the works.

All were acceptable in certain contexts and most soldiers had the rules down-packed.

Violence was only tolerated on the battlefield; alcohol could be discretely added to coffee in the morning; pills before bed; sex in a maintenance closet; cigars instead of cigarettes; unnecessary risks led to injuries in the field – the works.

It was some sort of unwritten code – everyone had their vice.

Ghost was a curveball.

You’d caught him with a pack of Camels within a week of joining the 141. It was dark and you were far more interested in studying how his lighter illuminated his jawline and scarred lips than the burning cigarette between his pale fingers. It was your first time catching him without the mask obscuring all of him from view.

The mask.

That was strike two.

There were plenty of unique characters in the military; though you’d never met one like him.

It almost seemed like satire – the skull.

You were quick to learn it wasn’t. He was as silent as his namesake and as deadly as the reaper he portrayed.

But he was a complete contradiction.

Teabags he kept in a delicate tin which had been labeled in his distinct handwriting – somehow scrawly but swirly at the same time – and he drank camomile from a chipped novelty mug which depicted the London skyline. The Eye had been half rubbed away – probably from the dishwasher – and the top of Big Ben had begun fading but he dutifully used it each time without fail.

✧˚ · .

“Tea time”, as you’d coined it inside your head, began spontaneously and became a regular, though informal, occurrence.

The Lieutenant wasn���t one for conversation and it took a couple of months of tentative small talk before you could comfortably hold a two-sided conversation with him.

Though slowly but surely he unfurled.

His gaze softened, sentences lengthened and touches lingered.

Water would be plonked in front of you before you even knew you needed it, doors opened when your arms were full and jackets draped across your shoulders before your shivers even began.

He was an observer, you realised. There wasn’t a single detail he overlooked.

So it shouldn’t’ve been a surprise when he noticed.

✧˚ · .

You’d never describe yourself as violent before you enlisted. Strong, maybe, or passionate. But put a C8 assault rifle in the hands of a young soldier with unresolved trauma and violence was the only outcome.

Hand-to-hand was addictive, knives too.

It wasn’t something you enjoyed, taking lives, but it was a necessary evil – at least that was what everyone tried to convince themselves when they closed their eyes at night.

Violence came hand in hand with pain, however.

Perhaps that was the real vice.

✧˚ · .

It was regulation to wear wraps when using the bags at the back of the gym.

But after a particularly rough mission wrapping your hands was the last thing on your mind.

Your fists met the bag in rapid succession, knuckles crunching against the sand-filled column.

The bag on the end was firmed than the rest and whenever your mind became too loud, this was where you could be found.

You thought you’d been discrete; believable with your smile and cheery goodnight but the figure in the doorway said otherwise.

You were too focused on the way the pain flared as your split knuckles met the bag to notice.

It wasn’t til he’d rounded the bag and pulled it away from when you recognised you’d had an audience.

You pant, chest screaming as you met him through lashes you hadn’t realised were damp.

“That’s enough.” Though spoken softly you know it’s an order.

You feel disconnected from your body when you met his gaze with a smile that looks more like a grimace and brush away a strand of hair with a shaking hand.

“L.T.” You say, straightening up in an attempt to snap out of what ever dissociative state you’ve fallen into. “How can I help you?”

The man in front of you frowns, stepping forwards. You can barely focus enough to track his movements and jolt as he takes your wrist in his hand.

“Oh!” You force out a laugh when you finally register his interest in your bruised and bloody hand. “Must’ve forgotten to wrap ‘em.”

He doesn’t reply and instead reaches for your other hand, angling both towards the light so he can see better.

You swallow tightly when the mess is illuminated and the distant throb in your knuckles suddenly becomes sharp. You can’t help the gasp that leaves your lips as the Lieutenant wipes some of the blood away with his sleeve.

Finally he looks up, blond brows creased and eyes inquisitive.

“You’ve damn near broken your knuckles.”

You open your mouth to reply but nothing comes out; your bottom lip finds it’s way between your teeth and you settle on chewing it instead. You blink rapidly and break free of his oppressive gaze.

Ghost sighs, sensing he won’t get much out of you now. Ever the observer.

✧˚ · .

He doesn’t release his grip on your wrist, tugging you out of the gym and down the dim halls towards the infirmary.

The section that keeps patients in need of 24/7 care is down a wing to the left, fluorescent lights buzzing. Ghost doesn’t lead you there, however.

Instead he pulls you towards the bases’ clinic and pulls out a key.

Too tired and confused to ask why he has access to the wing, you let him manoeuvre you into sitting on a bed – flicking the light switch along the way.

You watch dazedly as he riffles through a couple of drawers before coming to sit in front of you on a rolling stool.

With a glance up at you, Ghost reaches for a sterile cotton swab, dipping it in antiseptic. He takes your injured hand in his gloved one and with the utmost care, starts to clean the bloody mess, movements delicate and precise.

You wince at the sting but his touch is soothing and his focus on the task unwavering.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper as he pulls out a roll of gauze to wrap the now clean wounds.

Ghost stills his movements, looking up as his brows curl in confusion. “What for?”

Everything. You want to say.

“Lots of things.”

He doesn’t respond immediately, instead blinking and resuming his ministrations. You follow his movements as he expertly winds the bandage around your hands. You know he’s thinking – he doesn’t like to speak without crafting each word carefully in his head.

“I used to use a lighter.” He starts, voice low and soft. He doesn’t elaborate, he doesn’t need to. You’ve seen the burns on his arms, some covered by tattoos – you’ve got a few smileys on your thighs to match. “But I realised – I realised I was just letting them win.”

He swallows and takes in a deep breath before looking up at you, eyes raw and more expressive than you’ve ever seen them.

“There are people out there who want to hurt us – who have hurt us. When we take it into our own hands we do their job for them.”

He watches you for a moment through his pale lashes before standing, softly patting your now bandaged hands and pulling you to your feet.

“Don’t let them win, Rags.”

✧˚ · .

Taglist

@crosshairs773fp @alanalanalanalanalanna @ghostlythots @hyperfixationwhore @shinebright2000 @sae1kie @hotaruteba @karurururu @rorel1a @http-paprika @thriving-n-jiving @lazybutsmexy @zozosrandomthings @jinxxangel13 @tumblinginoz @kee-0-kee @moonsua1 @freeseeker @kaoyamamegami @01trickster10 @umiexe @josieguts @skelletonscloset @nessaasstuff @umiexe

Reply if you want to be added :)

Masterlist

If I've missed any of your tag request I'm so sorry! I've been swamped and unable to view or reply to comments as much as I would've liked.

[l0vergirlatheart]

" VACATION " a south park x reader

RINKY-DINK TOWN || info. - past : next

|| GOOD MORNING, BELOVED! ||

        You did not want to come to some rackety, old, boring, snowing, cold, shabby, stupid-ass fucking town for your summer break. Be honest, who would?

        Maybe you'll change your mind later on, but right now, this has got to be the stupidest shit you've ever gone through, and that's something, especially when it comes to you.

|| YOUR CHARACTER CARD ||

Name: [Y/N] NIAKI

Age: 16

Pronouns: They/Them

Sexuality: Pansexual, general attraction to anyone regardless of gender. || asexual, no sexual attraction to anyone at all.

Height: 5'11

Personality: Blunt, tired, easily irritated, quiet, occasionally playful, rarely flirtatious.

Current Thoughts: 'Even if I only have to be in this boring and cold place that can barely be called a town for only two months, there's nothing anyone here or anywhere who can convince me to stay the moment I get the chance to leave.'

|| LOVE INTERESTS ||

MAIN CAST

ROMEOS:

Kyle Brovloski

Craig Tucker & Tweek Tweak

Clyde Donovan

Tolkien Black

Kenny McCormick

Stan Marsh

Leopold "Butters" Stotch

Jimmy Valmer

Scott Malkinson

Pip Pirrup

Damien Thorn

Dovahkkiin "Douchebag, The New Kid"

JULIETS:

Wendy Testaburger

Heidi Turner

Bebe Stevens

Red McArthur

Nichole Daniels

Annie Knitts

|| WARNINGS AND TWS ||

Welcome to South Park, my beloved! This story is going to contain mentions of:

LOTS OF SWEARING

GORE AND BLOOD

SUICIDE

SELF HARM

MENTIONS OF POVERITY

ALCOHOL

MAJOR CRIMES

MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ACTIVITES

AGED UP CHARACTERS (YOU ARE ALL STILL MINORS)

BULLYING (ONLINE AND IRL)

HARRASSMENT (ONLINE AND IRL)

VIOLENCE

DARK JOKES N SHIT

CARTMAN PULLING CARTMAN-TYPE SHIT

AND OTHER SHIT YOU'D EXPECT FROM SOUTH PARK.

CONTINUE WITH CAUTION.

|| SECRETS FROM THE AUTHOR ||

Hey there, []! This book has no outline so far and I'm honestly throwing bullshit that I make up at three in the morning at this right now. There's going to be really slow updates. Enough about that though, time for some secrets!!

1. Yep, instead of the overused 'I just moved here, yadda yadda' scenario, you have actually only came here for summer vacation!

2. You were forced to get out of your house by your parents and they set up this whole trip thing without telling you until a week before departing. 

3. Your parents didn't have half the mind to tell you that you'd also be living there alone for two fucking months, some parents am I right?

4. Luckily, they did already have your stuff packed and had the house rented out and everything else. You're a freeloader! Yay!

5. Oh yeah also, you're rich. Just because. Use that black card, spend all your money, ain't nobody there to stop you!!

6. Nobody in South Park knows of your soon-to-be arrival.

7. There is no school because, you know, summer vacation. This means a lot more free time to get roped into some crazy and immoral shit laze around.

8. Cartman's going to be a little shit about your pronouns, but he's going to be forced to use them because he has zero fucking clue what your gender is.

9. Speaking of fatass, he's not a love interest mainly because I can't write an asshole character suddenly falling love. I just can't. Makes me want to just evaporate.

10. You will get to at least befriend him though. Yay..?

|| SWEET DREAMS, DARLING. ||

[witchimagefanfic]

Snape Asks

Do you have a snOTP? What is it?

Sure, Snape x [First name] (specifically my OC) haha

2. What do you think is Snape's favourite colour and why?

Black? Like...obviously. You think he'd wear so much of it if he didn't genuinely like it?

3. Which Disney character, according to you is most like Snape?

Scar. I don't think there's another answer.

4. Do you think Snape remained a virgin?

I hate this question. Absolutely NOT. The dude was guilty about his best friend's death, it doesn't mean he never had sex. The only way he would have is if he were fully asexual (which, to be fair, seems possible).

5. Do you think Snape ever loved anyone other than Lily, romantically or platonically?

Romantically, no. Platonically, I think he loved Dumbledore and Draco.

6. If Snape learnt another language, which would he choose?

Latin, doy.

7. Which staff member do you think gets along well with Snape?

Dumbledore. I don't think he and McGonagall were friends, despite the fluffy popular head canons. Mutual respect, sure, but not friendship. Otherwise, I don't see him hanging out with any other staff.

8. If you had to assign Snape to a house, which one would it be?

Slytherin. No question. Dude was immensely ambitious.

9. What are your personal headcanons on Snape's diet and favourite foods?

I think eating was a chore for him. He probably had one favorite meal at any given time and it was all he wanted to eat. It'd change monthly. Sometimes he'd have a bread-and-cheese month, sometimes he'd have an eggs-and-bacon month. Otherwise he'd forget to eat.

10. Do you think Snape's character has changed the way you think/feel about others?

Yeah, I mean I hate James Potter. That's more because of the Marauders stans though. What a toxic community.

11. Your favourite scenes with book/movie!Snape?

Literally every book Snape scene.

12. If you had to chose a Golden trio era student to be Snape's friend, who would it be and why?

Luna.

13. Do you think Alan Rickman contributed to your love for Snape?

Yeah, but I loved book Snape first.

14. What do you think is Snape's favourite potion to prepare?

Probably changes based on the month. Whatever's fascinating him at the moment. Something complicated and finnicky, definitely.

15. If Snape had any free time, how do you think he would spend it?

Reading, drinking wine, doing up his buttons, smoking.

16. Were you ever a Snater? How and when did you become a Snover?

God no. I have taste.

17. Do you think Snape was unhappy even after joining the DEs?

Yes, definitely. I don't think it ever gave him what he was looking for.

18. Your favourite physical feature of Snape?

Eyes.

19. According to you, what is Snape's biggest flaw?

Being a dick for absolutely no reason. Lack of chill.

20. Why do you love Snape so much?

He's powerful and brilliant and misunderstood. He's also a weird sexy feral emo boy. He's also a professor and like...sheesh.

21. What particular memory do you think Snape used to conjure his patronus?

Something with Lily obviously. Could be anything. The day they met, hanging out by the Black Lake, laughing in class. It probably changes.

22. Do you think Lily was a good friend to Severus?

Not really. Maybe when they were kids, but once she started hating his friends, there's a real sense that she thought she was too cool for him.

23. What do you think Snape wore under his robes?

Dude what? Trousers.

24. Do you think Snape ever self-harmed?

I don't think he'd see the point.

25. Is there any other character you love as much as Snape? Do you think they'll get along?

Yeah. And no, they absolutely would not get along.

26. What genre do you think Snape preferred to read?

Crime, thrillers, non-fiction, historical fiction, maybe some horror

27. Do you think Snape was close to his mother?

No. I think he was disappointed by her. But he loved her more than he loved his dad.

28. Do you think you'd like being taught by Snape?

Only if we were fucking. Otherwise, from what I've seen he seems like a pretty lazy and demanding teacher.

29. How do you headcanon Snape's bedroom would look like?

Queen bed with dark sheets, a few bookcases, a desk and reading chair.

30. If you could give young Snape any advice, what would it be?

You're better than your origins. James Potter sucks--rise above it. And don't listen to the fucking Death Eaters man, come on. Dark Arts aren't the only magical mysteries left.

31. Do you think Snape had any mental illnesses? Which ones and why?

Yeah, dude. If the guy wasn't depressed I will eat my fucking hat. He was probably anxious as hell too. Maybe on the spectrum.

32. If you could change Snape's middle name to be something other than Tobias what would you choose?

Do people have opinions on this?

33. Top 3 songs you think will show up in Snape's most played?

There Is a Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths

The Killing Moon - Echo & the Bunnymen

Bela Lugosi's Dead - Bauhaus

34. Do you have any Snape NOTPs?

I hate Snape x any of the Potters. Lily, James and Harry need to back off. Haven't they put him through enough?

35. Snapey BROTPs?

No, I want my man lonely and annoyed.

36. Did Snape get sick often? Your headcanons for when he was sick?

I don't think OFTEN. He'd definitely refuse to go to the hospital wing and brew his own cures. Probably worked when he was sick too. Stubborn ass.

37. Snape didn't pay attention to his physical appearance, but if you had to choose a part he would take care of, which would it be?

I disagree, I think the dude knew how to dress. I also think he cleaned his nails.

38. Which type of weather does Snape prefer?

Gray and cool.

39. How do you think Snape spent his early childhood days?

Hiding from his dad, finding joy where he could.

40. Other than Lily, who do you think impacted Snape's life the most?

Dumbledore. I think Narcissa and Lucius did too. Probably some of his DE friends--Mulciber springs to mind.

41. Is there a side to Snape that he hasn't let anyone see? What do you headcanon this "secret personality" to be like?

I don't think he laughs in public often. I think you'd have to be really close to see that.

42. Do you think Snape cried often?

As a kid and teenager, yes. I think at some point those tears dried up though.

43. What's your favourite headcanon about Snape?

He's actually a good professor and not as ugly as Harry seems to think.

44. Is there a movie/song/book that reminds you of Snape?

Tons of songs remind me of him. Sunburn by Muse will forever be the Broken Silence anthem.

45. What mode of magical travel would suit Snape the best?

God, anything but a fucking broom.

46. Your opinion on Snape's sexuality?

Realistically, somewhere on the demi spectrum. Possibly ace. In my head he's like a dom, bi-curious brat tamer though.

47. Which of the Marauders do you think Snape could have gotten along with?

If there was ever even a SHOT it would have been Lupin. The least awful of them.

48. How many points do you think Snape would've awarded during his career?

Sounds like he awarded a lot to Slytherins. Uncountable.

49. Did you feel Snape was the "good guy" even before the reveal?

Yep. I never lost faith.

50. Do you prefer tall!Snape or short!Snape?

Tall.

51. Had Snape lived, would he continue teaching at Hogwarts?

ARE YOU JOKING? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT.

[mischiefmanifold]

Explanation of the Diagnostic Criteria of Conduct Disorder (CD)

In order to be diagnosed with conduct disorder, one must meet at least three of the following fifteen criteria in the past 12 months, with at least one criterion met in the past 6 months. Symptoms must be repetitive or consistent and clinically significant. If one is 18 years or older, they may only be diagnosed with conduct disorder if they do not meet the criteria for antisocial personality disorder.

AGGRESSION TO PEOPLE AND ANIMALS

1. Often bullies, threatens, or intimidates others.

This includes bullying on social media (cyberbullying).

2. Often initiates physical fights.

May be extremely eager to physically fight others.

Getting into frequent fights may also affect their friendships, especially if they end up getting into fights with their friends.

3. Has used a weapon that can cause serious physical harm to others (e.g., a bat, brick, broken bottle, knife, gun).

"Used a weapon" is a vague statement, but a good assumption to make is that it counts if you used the object against another person (e.g., throwing a brick at them).

4. Has been physically cruel to people.

May push, hit, or bite others (especially earlier in life).

Physical cruelty may be disguised as "teasing" (e.g., hair pulling, poking/jabbing, yanking, "roughhousing").

5. Has been physically cruel to animals.

Methods include shooting, animal fighting, torture, beating, throwing them around, burning them, stabbing them, kicking them, dragging them, malnourishment, poking/jabbing hard, excessive teasing, etc.

6. Has stolen while confronting someone (e.g., mugging, purse snatching, extortion, armed robbery).

This means you're stealing things from a person directly.

Another example is pickpocketing (a form of larceny [theft of personal property] that involves the stealing of money or other valuables from a victim's pocket without them noticing).

Mugging is the act of attacking and robbing someone in a public or semi-public place (commonly alleyways, at least on TV shows).

Extortion is when one obtains something, especially money, through force or threats.

Armed robbery is the act of stealing from someone by using a weapon.

7. Has forced someone into sexual activity.

Pretty self-explanatory; if it confuses anyone or you want more detail feel free to DM me.

DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY

8. Has deliberately engaged in fire-setting with the intention of causing serious damage.

May have an unusual fascination with fire.

Others may find burn holes in carpets, beds, or furniture.

May pocket fire-starting materials (e.g., matches, lighters) and keep them hidden.

May light candles, fireworks, and other things, despite being told not to.

9. Has deliberately destroyed others' property (other than by fire-setting).

This is also called "vandalism."

Examples include smashing car windows, egging cars or houses, keying cars, slashing tires, defacing park benches, altering or knocking down street signs, and kicking and damaging someone's property with your hands or feet.

DECEITFULNESS OR THEFT

10. Has broken into someone else's house, building, or car.

Some professionals may count exploring abandoned buildings in this criterion, especially if you did not receive permission before exploring and the site was private.

Breaking into lockers and other school areas logically seem to be the most likely course of action for a younger child.

Other places include homes, storage units, and stores/pharmacies.

11. Often lies to obtain goods or favors or to avoid obligations (i.e., "cons" others).

White lies (to spare someone's feelings or avoid their wrath): pretending they can't find a sweater their friend wants to borrow because they don't want the friend to have it; expressing excitement about an achievement of someone else's but at the same time angry/upset that you didn't get it; telling their friend they forgot their lunch so the friend will share with them.

More harmful lies (intended to be malicious, to deceive, or to get something to which one is not entitled): stealing a friend's iPad and then telling the friend they don't know where it is; refusing to admit that they shoplifted and instead blaming someone else; taking credit for other people's work.

12. Has stolen items of nontrivial value without confronting a victim (e.g., shoplifting, but without breaking and entering; forgery).

"Without confronting a victim" refers to the idea that this criterion is talking about theft that does not include a single victim and perpetrator; instead, the perpetrator is stealing from stores or forging signatures (I think identity theft goes here, too).

Shoplifting is classified as a misdemeanor in the United States until the perpetrator reaches a certain price value of the goods they have stolen, when it becomes a felony (e.g., in Texas, shoplifting becomes a felony when the value of all of the stolen property amounts to $2,500 or more).

SERIOUS VIOLATIONS OF RULES

13. Often stays out at night despite parental prohibitions, beginning before age 13 years.

Kind of self-explanatory, if requested I can elaborate

14. Has run away from home overnight at least twice while living in the parental or parental surrogate home, or once without returning for a lengthy period.

Most runaways are not gone for more than 48 hours to a week, but based on this criterion I would say that being gone longer than a day or so counts as a lengthy period

15. Is often truant from school, beginning before age 13 years.

Truancy laws depend on the area you live in. For example, in Minnesota, you're considered truant if you have three or more full or partial school absences that are unexcused. In Texas, if you are absent without excuse for 10+ days or partial days in a 6-month period in the same school year, you're considered truant.

SOURCES

https://www.surgeactivism.org/articles/torture-by-teasing-animal-videos-are-racking-up-millions-of-views-on-social-media

https://www.hopkinsallchildrens.org/Patients-Families/Health-Library/HealthDocNew/Firesetting

https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/vandalism.html

https://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-lying.html

https://www.simsfirm.com/blog/2015/march/will-i-go-to-jail-for-shoplifting-in-texas-/

https://safesupportivelearning.ed.gov/discipline-compendium?state=Texas&sub_category=Chronic%20Absenteeism%20and%20Truancy

https://www.crowwing.gov/1647/Truancy

https://www.lovetoknow.com/parenting/teens/teenage-runaways

[nothingkillsyoulikeyourmind105]

Warning: Mentions of Death, Violence,Depression, Suicide, Breaking Up, Miscarriage, Self Harm.

BuckyxFem! OFC , Eddie BrockxFem! OFC

Chapter One

Sneak Peek for Part : 2 Chapter 2 Sneak Peak Of Characters Chapter 3 Sneak Peak Chapter 4 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Sneak Peak of Chapter 7 Chapter 7 Sneak Peak Chapter 8 Chapter 8 Sneak Peak Chapter 9 & 10 Chapter 9 part 1 Chapter 9 part 2 Chapter 10 part 1 Chapter 10 part 2 Chapter 11 Chapter 12

This is my first post

A/N-this is my first fanfic I’m currently working on at the moment. Feel free to comment.

This is a short beginning. This is a working progress. Hope everyone enjoys.

The James Buchanan Barnes constantly on the move with work. With his beloved at home waiting for him. When their relationship starts to fall apart Audrey tries to find out why things aren’t working out. With a secret of her own she tries to navigate this life in hiding. The world isn’t ready for her secret. Neither her friends. With a secret enemy hidden in plain sight waiting to strike. Audrey held onto hope that he’ll come home soon. James would be gone for a few days the suddenly it went to weeks. Audrey didn’t want to think that he was planning on leaving her. Audrey has big news for him, that will change their lives.

But will things be the same when he returns.

Audrey awakens to the sound of an alarm. The bright blinding lights strain her eyes. The throbbing pain in her head makes its hard to focus. The alarm suddenly shuts off.

There’s complete silence all around. She closes her eyes to focus her energy on clearing her foggy head. Her body tingled with pain. Unable to move she was in hell. She thought of her life before it all came to this.

Audrey and James Apartment

“James Please you work too much. Please Stay”

“Darling it’s one mission I’ll be home before you say “I Love You”

“When will you be home?”

“Tomorrow Morning for sure my love”

He gathers his belongs and rushes to the door. He didn’t look back to Audrey.

“I Love You…..”

Audrey whispered.

Bucky rushes out from their apartment. Audrey watches him leave. She didn’t tell him she was pregnant. She had been planning a whole day for them. Tears rush down her face as she walks back to their room. She cries herself to sleep thinking of Bucky.

The next morning comes but there’s no Bucky. Hours go by but to no news or a phone call from any of the avengers. She quickly grabs her phone to dial Steve or Sam in hopes they would give her news of the situation.

Steve phone just rings then straight to voicemail. She tries again Voicemail again.

Hopefully with Sam she has luck with him.

On the other line he picks up……..

Theres silence at first then a groggy voice is heard

“Audrey”

“Hello Sam. Sam its me Audrey” she cries tears of joy hearing his voice.

“Yeah I’m here. Sorry I was taking a nap. What’s up”

“I’ve been trying to get ahold of Steve, I’m worried about Bucky have you heard from him. He was supposed to be home this morning. I had no luck of getting ahold of him. Was there any complications on the mission.”

“Really. Everyone came back from that mission yesterday evening.”

“what? yesterday evening”

“Is everything okay Audrey”

She pauses before she can say anything. All the possibilities running through her mind she pauses on the thought that Bucky is cheating.

“Audrey, Audrey?!”

“Yes Sam”

“Are you okay? Do you need me to come over.”

“No Sam its all right. I’m gonna step out and get some fresh air”

“Okay,don’t do anything crazy. Hey Audrey if I see Steve or Bucky I’ll send them your way.”

“Please do Sam. Thank you Sam. Bye”

“Bye Audrey”

Nothing had prepared her for this moment. How could he lie to her. Audrey thought to herself that if she told him sooner would it had made a difference in their relationship. Would he had stayed with her.

1 Month Later

In the beginning of her pregnancy. She came to terms that she would be raising her child alone.

The appointments came and went everything was on track as a good healthy pregnancy. But tragedy struck in the early hours of a cold December morning.

“How could this had happened? Why me?”

“There was no stress in my life? I did everything right? A healthy diet the proper amount of nutrients?”

Questions quickly piled onto one another. As she sat on the hospital bed waiting for her doctor to return. Nurses came and gone but lost in her thoughts she couldn’t help to feel responsible for her loss.

As the doctor spoke to her all she could think about was the day James Buchanan Barnes walked out of her life. Was there something she did wrong. Did he not love her anymore.

Audrey was discharged from the hospital a few days later. She went back to their apartment where all the memories reminded her of him.

She looked around the apartment one picture frame after another she took them down. She needed to let him go. There was no point on hold on to the past. He made his decision that day and she needed to let him go.

It hurt so much to box up her belongings. But the pain of losing a child can’t be explained. She kept packing her things up until all that was left was Bucky things lying around.

The moving truck came in a timely manner. The men from the moving truck assisted with bring her belongings down. Together they left to her new apartment far from his place.

She couldn’t bare to see him again. If he returned.

Bucky Pov:

“Steve I can’t do this anymore. I’m not in love with Kayla anymore. She isn’t Audrey. All she wants to do is shop all the time.”

“Buck, don’t do this to Audrey. Just tell her”

“I can’t Steve. How could I face her when I cheated on her. She trusted me and I betrayed her.” “I left a letter for her explaining everything. I just hope she hasn’t found it”

“I got to go back to the apartment Steve.”

1 Month Later

Bucky Pov

I watched a moving truck leave the front of the building. I couldn’t bring myself speak with her face to face. Like a coward I walked around the block, I waited what felt like hours. With the courage I made to come up with I went to our apartment. The smell of her perfume lingered in the air it was intoxicating. But a small envelope laid on the kitchen table.

James

If you’re reading this I’ve left I couldn’t bare another minute here. Was there something I did wrong if so I could have fixed it. Why did you leave? Was the question on my mind everyday. But I have come to terms with reality that you don’t want me a apart of yours. I hold no ill will against you. She must be beautiful and an amazing person. I hope she’s everything you want. Take care of yourself James.

Sincerely yours,

Audrey W.

No words could be put in order as Bucky fell to his knees crying. How could he have messed up everything. Their life together wasn’t perfect but he was madly in love with her when they first met. How could he have thrown her away for a fling.

He had to find Audrey and find a way to fix his mistake.

But where could she have gone. There was no clue in the apartment where she had gone too.

A/N - This has been updated on 5/10

I have added links to the betrayal series. I’m so happy with and I’m currently working on another project. I do hope everyone enjoys reading. Now it’s easier to navigate.

[aurorawest]

Title: Here, Here and Here Author: @aurorawest​​​​​​ Rating: M (language, violence, sexual content) Relationships: Loki & Stephen Strange, Loki & Thor Major Archive Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings Word Count (so far): 52k Summary: Loki and Thor have returned to Earth after two and a half years in space, and Loki, even after a winter in New Asgard, isn’t sure he’ll ever feel at home.

It doesn’t help that as the alien who invaded New York City in 2012, he’s been placed on probation by the UN for six months. If he can go six months without leaving New Asgard and without causing any trouble, he’ll be free to visit anywhere he pleases on Earth. It’s only six months. He can handle it.

Except Loki is bored. And what harm would it do if he just broke his probation a tiny bit? What are they going to do—send him to prison?

Well, yes. Yes, as it turns out. That’s exactly what they’re going to do.

Fic is complete. New chapter posted every Tuesday.

Thank you to my betas, @mareebird​​​​​​​ and AsgardianHarmony!

Chapter 11, A Visitor, is posted!

Loki glared at the ceiling. “I don’t want to talk anymore today. I’m not interested in your tests or your patronizing concern about my health. If you don’t mind, I’ll spend the rest of the day staring at the wall.”

“Actually not the first time my company’s been unfavorably compared to staring at the wall,” a man’s voice said from outside the cell. “It’s not even the first time you’ve said something like that.”

Loki’s body stiffened. He was on his feet before he knew what he was doing, his exhaustion forgotten—and the spiral of self-loathing along with it. It wasn’t Amy or Hayward standing on the other side of the bars.

It was Stephen Strange.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15

[jacksazrael09]

VENT: TRIGGER-WARNING

I’m not jealous, my Borderline is.

Im not that jealous. I’m not scared of others taking my partner or else. I’m scared he fall in love with someone else.

Im jealous of him being where we wanted to be. Where we went two weeks ago. I need to work to make money to survive feed my cats pay my bills pay the animal doc. To buy groceries. I can’t go there right now. We got a lot of fun and I’m happy he can relax there but I’m jealous Caus at this moment there are friends I also wanted to meet there. Now he got like two friends (yes one annoys him but still) there. And new ones we made there. He can relaxe and life his life there and I can’t.

I also want that kind of fun I also wanna relaxe and Do not need to worrie about anything here. Just to escape reality for one moment again.

I need to do everything in my apartmant alone. Fix my lights set up my pc and my washing Maschine. I need to fix my cables and my electric. I need to sell the kittens I got I need to make my household and go to work for like 8-9 hours a day. I don’t have really ly much free time.

The psychiatrist I once got a appointment at told me I should not be working. I should be in a close mental hospital. I should take a break Caus my mental health and stability is as fragile as anything can be.

I haven’t had thoughts about suicide in a long while but in the last three days I was thinking about it a lot again. So much that I want to stop existing again so bad.

I don’t see a point in living anymore. We are suposed to work all our life’s to pay some bills just to exist at the edge of being homeless just to keep going no matter how broken we are. Just to have like a month of vacation in one fucking year. Days for days we are working non stop. This isn’t fun this isn’t life!

This isn’t supposed to be life. Why do we keep going like this? The world is already burning but we still try to ignor it!

I’m so done with my life. I’m so so tired I just wanna rest I wish the thinking would stop I wish my breathing would stop I wish to simply stop existing but I some how can’t. The little friends I made are at this point to or to good.

Even he try’s to focus on positive thinks and try to help me thinking about them to but I don’t see anything positive. Nearly everything I planed this year is not possible to do Caus of work.

I just wanna escape. I wanna go back where I feel like a human where I feel free and happy.

Sylt was the first time after two years wegre I truly felt happy and appreciated. Whee I could be myself and have people around me with the same energy. Where I was seen as the man I am

But it feels like Nobody is listing to me. Yes I wanna dye. So badly I wanna just stop but Nobody let me. Nobody just thinks about telling me they understand my thoughts.

I try my best to get healthy. I take my meds I make me a routine and shit but it still DOSNT work. Yes it takes time but I don’t have this time.

My cats make me crazy that I’m scared that I get so angry at them that I break theyr necks. I’m daylie crying Caus of them. I’m constantly angry Caus of everything I’m done.

I’m at a point where I don’t wanna feel anything anymore. I’m at a point where I want to take so many drugs that I just stop feeling.

I rather be homeless than exist like this. Some times I play with the thought to leave everything behind me without telling anyone. And I nearly did it. I can’t open up at the moment and I know nobody can see it but why. It’s so clear how broken I am.

So yes. Im jealous. Even life fucks all of us I would kill to not be here, to not be me, I just wanna escape from everything and run away and yes maybe it’s stupid and yes maybe it will kill me but I’m fine with it. The urge to self harm again is so fucking big but I give my best to not do anything.

I’m tired of everything.

Yes I want my friends to have fun. Yes I want him to feel happy but I’m jealous. I want it two. I want to be there so fucking bad but I can’t.

Nobody can save me. Nobody can help me. Nobody understands it in the way I want to be understood.

It hurts my soul and heart but I don’t think even he can keep me alive for much longer. I love him so fricken much but the world is hurting me so fucking much that I just wanna fucking dye. Life makes me unhappy and it hurt to exist and see others happy. Yes they wanna work but I don’t it’s just pain I’m happier without it and I rather run away in a different country and be homeless than exist here any longer.

I can’t describe how bad my mental health is and how bad I wanna stop existing. But they can’t help me.

I just wanna cry. I wanna cry in his arms and be as broken as I am. I wanna stop hiding it but if I do I will break really really bad. And I don’t know if I will survive it.

I want him to see it. I want him to read it and to come to me but I know it won’t happen and I don’t want to be a burden for anyone….

I wanna be free.

I wanna be loved.

I wanna be happy.

I wanna be me.

I wanna life.

I’m just dead.

I’m dead inside.

I’m a walking shell.

Everyone is done here.

The world is burning.

When will it finally end?

When will it finally stop…

[just-anotherplayer]

Rules:

1. This is an 18+ rp blog which will have NFSW from time to time. I will not be interacting with minors.

2. Don't be rude. Everything is fine in character but outside of it, don't be an asshole. Any kind of hate, will not be supported.

3. If you want to know me or my muse feel free to DM me. I am here to make friends and we don't bite.

4. I won't be forcing ships. If there is chemistry. We can sure go ahead but if there is not then our muses are better off friends.

5. If you plan on dropping a thread with me or want to stop interacting with me. Inform me about it privately. No questions asked but just inform me.

6. I am a university student with life outside of my blog. So the replies will not always be on time but I will try.

7. There will be mentions of abuse, self-harm and anxiety attacks from time to time but I will put a trigger warning. Still be aware.

8. If I am ever out of line. Communicate with me about it privately. I will fix it up.

9. Please do not dictate what my muse does or think in any rp, thread or ask. It will not be tolerated.

10. I am willing to interact with duplicate character blogs. If you see me interacting with a character same as you, that does not mean I won't interact with you.

11. I usually don't care how long a person takes to reply. But if you do not reply to a thread for more than a month without informing me on private, I will consider that the thread is dropped.

12. Lastly, I am not the actual Hozier and I am not pretending to be him. I am only playing him as a character if he were in the aib. His backstory is something I have created. So please keep that in mind.

[cosmopolitesblog]

40 must-see documentaries to make money, follow the rich to learn how to make money: 1. "Invisible Billionaire" The billionaire hides his identity and challenges to create a company with a market value of 1 million in 3 months with 100 US dollars and a small broken car. After reading it, you will know that a strong sense of purpose and execution is the key to the success of the boss. 2. "Money and Me" Financial experts help solve daily financial problems. Friends who want to save money or improve their financial status can read it. You can learn money-saving tips about medical insurance, buying a house, and pensions. 3. "Rich Brother Poor Brother" This film is more about the inspiration of thinking, cognition and education, telling you why people with similar backgrounds can produce worlds of difference in the end. If you have ever been troubled by the gap between your peers, you can check it out. 4. "Money Explanation" is a documentary that has attracted a lot of "hate", dismantled many scams and consumption traps, and can let you know how to keep an eye on your money in various money games. 5. Before "Becoming Warren Buffett", the understanding of Buffett was limited to his status as a stock god. After watching this documentary, he realized that his success is due to his rich thinking, good money outlook, amazing self-management and learning ability key. 6. "The Culprit of Unrestrained Consumption" is a documentary that can help you save money after watching it. It thoroughly exposes various commercial consumption traps and will definitely subvert your previous consumption concept. 7. "Super Customer" is also a must-see series to save money. After watching it, you will know how much IQ tax you have paid! It reveals the gimmicks of many merchants, and you can learn a lot of shopping skills, such as package packages are not necessarily cheap and so on. 8. "Ten-Minute Crash Course: Economics" is an introductory course in economics, which explains the basic concepts and knowledge of economics. It is much more interesting than public courses and professional courses. I relied on it to quickly introduce economics. 9. "The Way to Get Rich" is an interesting documentary about how the world's top rich men get rich. The super-stalking host makes the whole interview atmosphere very relaxed. 10. "Legend of American Business Tycoon" tells the stories of 5 business elites in different fields. After watching this film, you will know that each industry can be so huge, but you are still too small. 11. After reading "Why Is Poverty", I feel very heartbroken. Injustice is a natural problem in society. Reincarnation is a technical job. If you don't study, there is no way out. This society is too cruel to the poor. 12. "The Mystery of Brands" explains brands and their meanings in a combination of theory and practice from the perspectives of brand birth, inheritance, development, innovation, change, and expansion, involving many industries. 13. "Lehman Brothers Trilogy" Three actors, one fixed scene, full of tension to interpret the ups and downs of a financial giant for 160 years. 14. "Black Money" exposes all kinds of corporate corruption, from harmful payday loans to cars with fake emissions tests. After reading it, I found that there is really no free lunch in the world, and you must maintain independent thinking at all times. 15. "Standing on Yourself" tells the story of the rise of financial giants after the 2008 financial crisis, and discloses the amazing truth behind the corruption policies in the industry and academia. Those who are interested in the economy and financial crisis should not miss it. 16. "The Story of Capital" is an 8-minute episode, which is a condensed essence. The content is easy to understand. It mainly includes some financial introductory knowledge, which can be quickly understood by novices with zero foundation. 17. "The Rich and Us" has an additional perspective to see the world. Some views do not agree with it, but class differentiation and the gap between the rich and the poor are indeed a typical phenomenon

[patt-writes-stuff]

Beach Days with The Genshin Characters!

Wc: 1.7k+

Type: Headcanons

CW: umm nothing except mentions of alcohol and maybe people being creeps? (None of the chars or you tho it’s very brief)

A/N: HI IM BACK FROM THE DEAD! These were supposed to be a lot shorter but I got too excited. If you by any chance wanna see some for your fav character lmk! I know it says request are closed in my bio but since it’s just hcs it’s a lot less (and I really enjoyed writing these so ajdhdhdk)

🔥Diluc:

This man cannot swim. Tell me otherwise, I dare you.

Kaeya tried to jokingly push him off a lil diving cliff area when they were kids.

He almost drowned. Kaeya was in a lot of trouble.

So, good luck getting this man to actually get in the water. The most he’ll do is sit on the shore where it’s very shallow.

He usually prefers to just stay under an umbrella on the sand and keep an eye on you.

Calls you every two hours in advance and helps you reapply sunscreen.

He’s very pale so I feel like he burns pretty easily, meaning he needs to reapply super frequently otherwise he will become a tomato. He brings like three bottles of the good shit. Tch, rich boy.

If you ask him to build a sandcastle, he will pretend to be annoyed but do it anyways. Ends up finding it kind of enjoyable.

He has the maids prepare a nice picnic basket for the two of you!! It’s got all your favorite foods plus grape juice cuz y’know.

If any creepy peeps approach you, don’t worry. He brought his vision and his claymore.

Of course, he won’t have to resort to such violent lengths. Everyone in Mondstadt knows who Diluc is and they probably know you’re his s/o, so they’re usually smart enough to mind their own business.

If they don’t, don’t worry. Diluc’s glare is more than enough to scare them away.

All in all I definitely recommend a beach day with him! I’ll give it a solid 8/10 (-2 for not wearing floaties and getting in the water with you or letting you teach him how to swim.

🖌Albedo:

You guys definitely 100% take Klee out with you on a beach day.

You guys bring snacks, beach toys like buckets and shovels for optimal sandcastle building, a picnic blanket, etc.

Jean definitely packs a lot more stuff for you guys to take with you than you actually need.

It’s only cuz she’s worried for Klee and is nervous about not being able to go with you guys though! It’s very sweet really.

Klee tries to bomb the fish and cause havoc at the beach 😭

I think Albedo is a good swimmer and gets in with you and Klee so that he can help her (which is very cute omfg)

He’s set total workaholic, as we know, so it took a lot of convincing to get him to put down his experiments and accompany you to the beach (however, he’s particularly weak to yours and klee’s puppy dog eyes so he caved eventually)

Though, looking at you and Klee happily building sandcastles and decorating them with pretty seashells of all shapes and colors, he can’t really find it in himself to complain.

He, of course, takes this opportunity to take out his sketchbook and draw the waves, seagulls, you… Of course he won’t let you see the sketch book no sir. He’s a bit embarrassed to be honest, but an artist such as himself recognizes beauty when he sees it so he simply had to draw you. (God I love him so much)

If a creepy person approaches you,- well don’t worry. The sight of a small arsonist child blowing up fish is enough to scare them away 🥰

At the end of the day, all three of you are all ticketed out. Albedo has to carry Klee back to Mondstadt because the poor baby fell asleep the moment you started drying her hair with the beach towel. You’re, of course, carrying back Dodoco and your bags. (You also manage to sneak a peak at Albedo’s sketchbook and find some very pretty drawings of you and Klee with your sandcastle)

At the end of the day, you guys tuck Klee in and read her a bedtime story (she woke up and insisted). Afterwards Albedo takes you back home and thanks you for coming with you and Klee (which you ofc say wasn’t a problem because how could you not???)

All in all? I’ll give it a solid 10/10. You’ve got tasty food, fun times, your boyfriend and his cute kid adoptive sister (yes I am very biased idc)

🦋Xiao:

I think it would take a lot of convincing to get Xiao to go out on a beach date with you.

He’ll probably see it as a distraction getting in the way of his slaying of monsters and demons.

However, he also worships the grounds you walk on (hehe, simp XD), so I don’t think it’ll take that much convincing on your part (especially because it’s is self appointed duty to keep you safe so if you insist on going with or without him, he supposes he’ll have to go)

Is definitely a bit tense at first. He doesn’t know how to let loose and chill so while you’re sun tanning on a beach chair he’s like 🧍‍♂️ahdgshjsjd

Eventually calms down a bit though! You get him to relax and eat some almond tofu you brought along with you. It definitely gets him to perk up.

I don’t think he would mind getting into the water but I do think he’d rather walk along the shore and collect pretty seashells and sea glass.

He later gives the ones he deems pretties to you (he hands them over to you with a blush on his face and pretends it’s not a big deal and he definitely gets all pouty and grouchy when you coo at how adorable he is)

As for creeps, Xiao is both intimidating and well known in Liyue. No one is brave enough (or, let’s be honest, dumb enough) to approach you with any bad intentions.

Sure, Xiao has sworn never to harm a human/citizen of Liyue but that doesn’t mean he can’t scare the absolute shit out of them.

I think Xiao would definitely enjoy a beach day 🥺🥺. He’d find it very relaxing to go out with you and just hear the sound of waves and feel the sand under his feet.

He’d definitely hint at wanting to do it again later. Of course, he won’t tell you. No, that’s a foolish mortal activity and he has much better things to do.

Wait no, don't turn around, yes he will go with you next month.

All in all, I give Xiao a 9/10. It’s a very relaxing day (which he deserves 😤). And you get to see a whole new side of him.

💎Ningguang:

OK SO ORIGINALLY I WASN'T GONNA WRITE ONE FOR HER (at least not in this post) BUT THEN I THOUGHT OF LADY NINGGUANG TAKING YOU TO A WHOLE ASS PRIVATE BEACH

She knows you don’t care about how exclusive the beach you go to is (in fact, the fact that you don’t care about where you are or what you do is one of the things that make her fall more and more madly in love with you) but you deserve the best so she’s gonna go all out.

She’s a busy lady so days like this where the two of you get to go somewhere and be together are few and far between.

She knows it’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who is busy 24/7, so she appreciates how you remain by her side despite all hardships. (Y’all are a whole ass power couple istg)

The two of you spend your day relaxing. Sun bathing, drinking piña coladas, maybe taking a dip in the ocean. It’s all very pleasant!

Ningguang doesn’t quite feel like the type of person who would sit in the sand and make sandcastle, however you’re more than welcome to make some yourself. She finds it endearing <3

If you insist on her helping, she’ll eventually comply. She loves you too much to say no. I feel like she’ll either be terrible at it or like a total architect.

Sand is technically like tiny rocks right? So maybe she can use her vision to help her? If that’s the case, she’s making a replica of the Jade chamber out of sand.

If any creepy person comes up to you don’t worry. Ningguang will buy the whole beach and then use her right of admission as owner to permanently ban them from the beach you’re at.

The only downside to a day at the beach with Ningguang might be that there’s a big chance she’ll be called to tend urgent matters, seeing as she is the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing and all.

If that does happen, she’ll be sure to make it up to you somehow, whether it be rescheduling or taking care of the matter as soon as possible so that the two of you can get back to your day of relaxation and fun.

All in all?? Lady Ningguang will treat you like total royalty and the two of you will have an amazing time! I give her an 11/10 (she would literally buy a whole beach for you to be comfortable I mean c’mon)

🍃Venti:

BEACH DAYS WITH HIM ARE SO FUN!!

Swimming? Yeah, he’d love to! Sunbathing? Sure! He’ll ever conjure up a light breeze for the two of you. Sandcastle building? WELL OF COURSE WHY DO YOU THING HE BROUGHT ALL THESE BUCKETS AND SHOVELS?

No but seriously, he might be the best person out of everyone here to go to the beach with. He’s fun, free spirited, and he’s a traveling bard who’s been alive long enough to know where all the best beaches in Teyvat are. (He also knows a guy- er, well, dragon I suppose- who is willing to fly them to any place).

He’ll play some soft tunes while you doze under the sun.

HE PICKS PRETTY SHELLS AND GIFTS THEM TO YOU!!!

He will bring booze. I’m pretty sure this is a necessity. If you’re a little upset about it, he’ll probably “eheh~” his way out of it. That slick bastard.

If you really insist on him not drinking, he won’t consume much alcohol.

If some creepy person approaches you and tries to ruin you your day of beach time fun, all of their stuff will suddenly be blown away, causing them to scramble back to their spot and (almost embarrassingly) flail around trying to catch everything. What a shame…

At the end of the day, he’d be a little sad to leave. Definitely makes plans about tbe two of you going back soon.

I gotta give him a 10/10 he’s just so fun omg.

[yuckwhump]

Welcome to the Ten Trails Whump Challenge!

(And yes, ‘Ten Trails’ is absolutely a pun on ‘entrails’ lol)

This challenge is made up of ten themes, called ‘trails.’ Each trail includes ten prompts related to their theme, spread out through the month of October. Prompts on the same trail are never on consecutive days; there is always at least one day in between prompts, often more. You can use these ‘off days’ to rest your creative muscles or to do a prompt from a different trail, whichever you please!

The goal is to complete at least one trail OR ten prompts in total! Trails, prompts, and dates are as follows!

Trail 1: Guts Galore

Trail 1 is all about that sweet blood and gore! You can really put your whumpees through the wringer with this trail!

October 2nd - bleeding out // October 7th - dissection/amputation // October 11th - impaled // October 13th - electrocuted // October 16th - shattered skull/spine // October 19th - crushed // October 21st - stabbed/shot // October 26th - flayed // October 29th - set on fire // October 31st - organ failure

Trail 2: Heart and Soul

Trail 2 deals with emotional whump; wanna tug on your whumpee’s heartstrings ‘til they snap? Trail 2 is for you!

October 2nd - abandoned // October 6th - repressed memories // October 9th - survivor’s guilt // October 12th - broken heart // October 15th - toxic love // October 18th - lost loved one // October 21st - abuse // October 24th - exile // October 26th - self-hatred // October 28th - suicide

Trail 3: Creature Feature

Trail 3 is full of darkness, fear, and unseen monsters just waiting for a poor unsuspecting whumpee to wander through!

October 1st - animal attack // October 3rd - mob violence // October 9th -cursed/haunted // October 13th - diseased // October 15th - cannibalism // October 19th - chased // October 21st - hiding // October 24th - slaughter // October 28th - possession // October 30th - dark magic

Trail 4: Mind Games

Trail 4 puts a spotlight on mental torment and psychological pain. Love a whumpee with their scars on the inside? Give Trail 4 a try!

October 1st - dependency // October 3rd - hallucinations // October 5th - drugging // October 7th - amnesia // October 10th - brainwashing // October 14th - straitjacket // October 18th - paranoia // October 22rd - isolation // October 25th - phobias // October 30th - broken will

Trail 5: Costume Party

Trail 5 is a celebration of all the ways a whumpee can be dressed up, accessorized, or not dressed at all! Come join the party!

October 2nd - on a leash // October 4th - muzzled // October 6th - tattoos/brands // October 8th - all dolled up // October 10th - shown off // October 12th - new name // October 16th - stripped // October 18th - collared // October 23rd - uniform // October 27th - photo op

Trail 6: Aches and Pains

Trail 6 features common but delightfully unpleasant experiences for your whumpee to suffer. Take a walk on the mild side!

October 3rd - burns // October 6th - cuts/scrapes // October 9th - lost a fight // October 11th - appendicitis // October 14th - allergies/asthma // October 17th - broken bone // October 20th - vomiting // October 22nd - broken teeth // October 25th - head injury // October 27th - cold/flu

Trail 7: Road to Recovery

Trail 7 is for those who love to see a whumpee in the aftermath. The trials and tribulations of the healing process awaits!

October 1st - rescue // October 4th - scars // October 6th - nightmares // October 8th - panic attack // October 12th - coping mechanisms // October 17th - breakdown // October 21st - self-harm // October 24th - therapy // October 29th - triggers // October 31st - lashing out

Trail 8: High Spirits

Trail 8 is chock-full of prompts designed for a whumper’s POV! What awful torments do they have in store for their victim?

October 2nd - victory // October 5th - control // October 7th - false comfort // October 10th - tools // October 13th - training/obedience // October 16th - touch // October 19th - trophy // October 22nd - hunting // October 26th - taunt/tease // October 29th - ownership

Trail 9: Death Trap

Trail 9 is no game, and definitely no fun for a whumpee! But if you like ‘no escape’ scenarios, Trail 9 will suit you just fine!

October 3rd - buried alive // October 5th - burning building // October 8th - explosive device // October 13th - noxious fumes // October 15th - lost and injured // October 17th - trapped/stuck // October 20th - hypothermia // October 23rd - deadly fall // October 25th - drowning // October 29th - sacrifice

Trail 10: Tricked and Treated

Trail 10 has lots of tricks and treats, but none that a whumpee would enjoy! Who needs candy when you’ve got prompts like this?

October 1st - betrayal // October 4th - gaslighting // October 7th - bought/sold // October 11th - cruel prank // October 14th - poisoned // October 16th - exposed // October 20th - favoritism // October 23rd - torture // October 27th - humiliation // October 31st - dehumanization

And that’s the challenge! Do as much or as little as you like, and please don’t feel the need to do every single prompt (though if you do, major kudos to you)! Feel free to @ me in your works if you’d like me to reblog them! Have fun!

IMPORTANT EDIT: There is now an AO3 collection for the Ten Trails Whump Challenge! Please feel free to submit your works to it!

[theji]

Things Yizhan Made Me Do

It's BXG Day today! 🐢💛

To commemorate the occasion, I thought of making a list of 13 out-of-character things that I've done since falling into the fandom. (OK I'm a bit late I meant to do this sooner, the day is ending soon in a couple of hours).

1. Start a blog

And a public one, no less. I had a blog when I was in my teens but that was private, like a personal diary. My day job already involves writing so off-work I would usually like to indulge in mindless activities. Now, here I am, maintaining a Yizhan blog. I have not even used Tumblr prior to this but I'm enjoying it now, rambling about our fav boys. Writing is not a chore if it's about them.

2. Join a fandom

I joined a boy band fan club once upon a time, some 15 years ago, but I was never as invested in it as I am now with Yizhan. Back then it was just buying some merch, attending their concert/autograph sessions, listening to their songs. Apart from work, dog mum duties, personal relationships, other hobbies like kombucha brewing, most of my free time is now spent on the fandom. My Netflix account is crying. There is just so much to do and catch up on (I'm not complaining). I also enjoy interacting with and learning from other bloggers here. Antis are no fun and some industry news/developments/hate messages are upsetting but ultimately, you curate your own fandom experience. And I choose positivity and rationality.

3. Indulge in RPS

I don't ever 'ship'. What is 'ship'? 😆 I was always a dutiful audience, just enjoying whatever drama series and moving on after that. I started with CQL like most people and I didn't even notice/like GGDD until much later. Didn't even set out to 'ship' anyone but now I'm a self-professed turtle. SZD is SZD, and anyone can see something special between them if you keep an open mind. I wrote about my SZD reasons here previously. That said, GG & DD are individuals, each with their own successful careers. They come first, the ship comes second. That I'm very clear of.

4. Use Chinese apps

Gosh, my phone and tablet are now full of Chinese apps. I used to have only WeChat cos I needed it for work but now I have Weibo, Oasis, Douyin, WeTV, MangoTV, Youku, etc. Some of them are not even available in the app store so I had to find alternative sources to download them. haha..I even have paid membership for some of these apps. And now, browsing Weibo daily becomes a routine. If you wish, you can just get stuck browsing Weibo for a long long time. It's entertaining.

5. Read fan fic

I only started about 6 months ago but now I'm hooked and fics are largely the only thing I read these days, apart from news. But I only read Yizhan or WangXian fics (p.s. calling for fic recs of other pairings!) I know some might have different feelings about fan fics but to me, I really just see them as fiction, with characters (and sometimes traits) bearing similarities to GGDD. Similarly, I separate the platform from the incident so I have no problems going to A03 despite GG's incident. I just enjoy seeing the characters named XZ/WYB having happy endings in many different timelines and universes. While most of the fics I read are explicit (by design), I don't use them as tools to play out certain fantasies or to think of GGDD in a sexual manner. In fact, I really hate fics that have little substance and just go into the explicit parts without plot development. I like those with interesting premises too, like one I read recently where XZ is a serial killer and WYB is a police officer investigating the case but also in love with him. I do have plans to share my list of fav fan fics some time down the road so keep an eye out for it!

6. Willingly read Chinese

Yes, Chinese may be my mother tongue but I don't use it much in daily living unless I have to. I also find it tedious to read Chinese cos the characters are just so squashed together. If I have a choice, I will always pick English. But now, I read so much Chinese from my daily weibo browsing. I even read fan fics in Chinese! Who am I? On the plus side, I think my Chinese comprehension and translation skills improved. I also picked up some internet lingo used by Chinese netizens, which are pretty interesting like doi, 🐮🍺, 🖍. My all-time fav is yyds.

7. Act like a cougar

In real life, I have always maintained that younger men are childish. At least those I have encountered. But look at me now, fangirling over two younger men (I am closer in age to GG, but still..). I even jokingly call them my 'China Boyfriends'. I look at them very respectfully most of the time.

8. Buy merch

Seriously, once you start, you can't stop. At least that was what happened to me, although I'm still quite selective when it comes to supporting their endorsements. I usually go for consumables like food, cosmetics vs collectibles cos I'm more practical. Also, GG says to support their merch within reasonable means so that's what I'm doing. Just buying things that I'm interested to try and not because it has their faces or names slapped on it. In a way, this suits me cos I like trying new brands and stuff anyway.

9. Keeping a Yizhan archive

Photos, weblinks, videos, songs, fan fics list..my phone is full of these things now. I think my Yizhan photo gallery is only second to the folder with my dogs' pictures. But how can you resist when we are blessed with new pics of them almost every week?

10. Camp for livestreams

I'm lucky I live in the same time zone as the boys so I don't have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to watch something. But that's the thing, being in the same time zone sometimes make me feel like I HAVE to watch that thing live because, why not? Why wait? Not shy to admit that I once watched a live programme in the middle of work but I made sure I finished what needed to be done. I think so long as we don't let these livestream schedules run our lives, there's no harm in camping for them.

11. Watch c entertainment

I am one of those who used to pass over Chinese productions, simply because it's a Chinese production. Not in a scoffing manner but I'm just genuinely not interested in them nor the celebs. I was more of a US/UK production kind of person, occasionally Korean/Japanese. Now, I'm learning to enjoy them although I just watch those with GGDD in them. No energy to follow other Chinese celebs anyway. The other programme I'm contemplating watching even if it doesn't have them in it is Who's the Murderer (GG was only in one of the cases) cos I like the premise. On the flip side, now my sis and partner keep making fun of me cos to them, all I do now is "watch China shows". That is so not true. Or is it?

12. Write fan mail

I wrote a letter to GG once. A long-ass letter. I hope he read it. That's all I'm gonna say. 🙈 hahahahaha

13. Desire to visit China

China was never on my list of to-visit places. Just wasn't interested. I have been to Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou a few times in the past for work but even then, I never felt the urge to revisit for leisure. Now, I wanna visit GG and DD's home town, visit Chongqing to see the graffiti wall with Bobii Zanbii on it, eat mala hotpot and try out their sauce recipe, attend BXG events, dine at the CQL restaurant... Watching TTXS also made me realise that there are many beautiful places in China with natural landscapes and all that. I used to be clouded by my disdain for the regime and some behaviour of its citizens but now, I recognise that the country is separate from the regime or a smaller group of poorly behaved citizens. China is a beautiful country and I would love to visit some day. I will fly over immediately on my own if someone gives me tix to ADLAD!!

Well, I hope some of these things resonate with you. Feel free to share the OOC things that Yizhan made you do.

Once again, Happy BXG Day! 🐢💛🐆🐇🐷🌶🦁🍑🐶🍍🛹🎋

[millenniumblog]

[ID: A chart describing the core values of each of the nine Enneagram personality types with YuGiOh characters correlated to each of the types.]

YuGiOh Enneagram Analysis, Part #1

Please note that this is the “boring” informational post about Enneagram with the Types listed and explained as well as a few other things. The next post is what has the actual, in-depth character profiles promised!

Introduction & Motivation

Over the past several months, I have been trying to analyze my strengths and weaknesses as a writer and learn more. I have been writing fanfiction since I was a little kid, making my first FF.net account in 2003 when I would have been twelve years old. Even before that, I was a lurker and wrote fics to share with my childhood best friend on paper or floppy discs.

YuGiOh came into my life at some point shortly thereafter. I know this, because I spent my thirteenth birthday in a comic book shop, mostly watching some of my male friends play the trading card game. I had some of the cards, but I was never much of a player, unable to keep up with the seemingly rapid rule changes. Besides that, I was always way more interested in the story and characters than I was in the card game. I remember I even wanted to call “YuGiOh cards” “Duel Monsters” instead to make it seem a little closer to tween-y LARPing.

Eventually, I gave up on collecting cards or trying to ply the game. I felt that while my male friends didn’t mind me being around when they played, they weren’t extremely interested in helping me learn or keep up. I felt I had other strengths, so I started carrying around a notebook even more than I already did. I started my fledgling forays into online fandom. And YuGiOh was a big part of the beginning of that.

I can’t remember posting any YuGiOh fic in particular, and I’m sure that if I had it would make me cringe now. What I do remember is reading some and also spending a lot of time lying on my bed, headphones plugged into a small purple stereo, listening to the first of the two American-released CDs with YuGiOh-inspired music on them. In particular, the last three tracks were pieces of music from the original score composed for the 4Kids dub, which is - for some reason - different from the original Japanese music.

During that time, I would fantasize and conjure my own YuGiOh plots in my head, most of which were focused on the Ancient Egyptian and more spooky, spiritual, and horror themes in the show. I was really fascinated with the reincarnation angle, though my understanding of and opinions on how that works have grown with time.

Years went by, and I didn’t think about YuGiOh much at all. Then, something happened in 2018. I don’t know what got in my head, but it was like all the joy I once found in thinking about the YuGiOh characters came back in a giddy conversation with my childhood best friend. Then, for a little while, it wouldn’t leave me alone.

I started writing for the fandom then, and after several detours, I’m trying to get back in the groove of it.

My approach to the tone of YuGiOh-fanning is that it’s a bit serious, but it’s also with a tongue placed in my cheek because of how incomprehensible or silly the plot can be on a meta level. Sometimes, it almost brings tears to my eyes by being so over-the-top about something that, in the real world, would make no sense at all. But the drama, in the context of the universe, somehow rings true.

I think that’s all owing to how most of the primary characters are just... really freaking great characters.

It has often puzzled me. Like, did Takahashi do all this layering on purpose? Is it really there, or did earnest fanon just make it seem like it? And, as a person, I am always here for a good fan-and-canon symbiosis.

This post is going to be, from here on, an effort to match the YuGiOh characters to the 9 Enneagram Personality Types. I am writing this for my own benefit as I continue to work on my pet YuGiOh fanfiction project, It’s Always Sunny in Domino City, which is a mixture of YGOTAS-vibes-and-concepts taken seriously and a sincere take on fanfiction for the actual canon. It’s dramedy about a sizeable chunk of the main cast a few years post-canon with some canon divergence such as the Memory World arc not yet and possibly never-happening. If that sounds like something you’d like, I would humbly request you check it out!

Either way, this will be an in-depth character analysis cheatsheet for all of the characters above, based on my observations, opinions, and feelings. I invite discussion, but it’s fine if we need to agree to totally disagree!

If you are interested and enjoy what’s below the Read More and in the coming second post, then you are welcome to utilize the character analyses to aid you in your own fanwork!

Enneagram

What is Enneagram, and why am I using it?

Enneagram is a personality categorization system that one might compare to the somewhat better-known MBTI. However, in the words of excellent writing-advice YouTuber, Abbie Emmons:

MBTI shows us how we behave.

Enneagram shows us what we believe.

I will be referencing Abbie’s video Using The ENNEAGRAM To Write CONFLICTED CHARACTERS and her free Enneagram-cheatsheet, available in the description of the linked video. Whether it’s before you continue reading or after, if you’re interested in writing, I would highly recommend you check out her channel!

The Enneagram system has nine basic personality types that overlap and interact in really interesting ways. It is not a hard science, and it’s not a horoscope. Instead, it’s supposed to be “based on conventional wisdom and modern psychology.” All I can say is that with every set of characters I’ve tried it with, it works! Once you get the hang of it, it feels kind of like ~✰~magic~✰~!

Below, I will list Abbie’s simplified definitions of each of the personality types, in order:

Type 1: The Reformer

The Rational, Idealistic Type:

Principled, Purposeful, Self-Controlled, and Perfectionistic

Basic Fear: Of being corrupt/evil, defective

Basic Desire: To be good, to have integrity, to be balanced

Key Motivations: Want to be right, to strive higher and improve everything, to be consistent with their ideals, to justify themselves, to be beyond criticism so as not to be condemned by anyone.

Type 2: The Helper

The Caring, Interpersonal Type:

Generous, Demonstrative, People-Pleasing, and Possessive

Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved

Basic Desire: To feel loved

Key Motivations: Want to be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves.

Type 3: The Achiever

The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type:

Adaptable, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious

Basic Fear: Of being worthless

Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile

Key Motivations: Want to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others.

Type 4: The Individualist

The Sensitive, Introspective Type:

Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental

Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance

Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an identity)

Key Motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a "rescuer."

Type 5: The Investigator

The Intense, Cerebral Type:

Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated

Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable

Basic Desire: To be capable and competent

Key Motivations: Want to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment.

Type 6: The Loyalist

The Committed, Security-Oriented Type:

Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and Suspicious

Basic Fear: Of being without support and guidance

Basic Desire: To have security and support

Key Motivations: Want to have security, to feel supported by others, to have certitude and reassurance, to test the attitudes of others toward them, to fight against anxiety and insecurity.

Type 7: The Enthusiast

The Busy, Variety-Seeking Type:

Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered

Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain

Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled

Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain.

Type 8: The Challenger

The Powerful, Dominating Type:

Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational

Basic Fear: Of being harmed or controlled by others

Basic Desire: To protect themselves (to be in control of their own life and destiny)

Key Motivations: Want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and resist weakness, to be important in their world, to dominate the environment, and to stay in control of their situation.

Type 9: The Peacemaker

The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type:

Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent

Basic Fear: Of loss and separation

Basic Desire: To have inner stability, "peace of mind"

Key Motivations: Want to create harmony in their environment, to avoid conflicts and tension, to preserve things as they are, to resist whatever would upset or disturb them.

Now that you’ve seen all those, what do you think your favorite character is? In YuGiOh or anything else! It works great for original characters and even yourself and your loved ones.

The actual Character Profiles will be in coming post(s), but continue reading if you want me to explain more about how and why the Enneagram is a great personality typing system. #nonspon, or whatever.

The Enneagram Chart

Now, you could just go to the Enneagram Institute’s page on How the System Works, but below I’ll cut it down to only the parts I’m interested in and explain those in a way that helps me.

Unlike in astrology or MBTI, which are both more restrictive in different ways, the relative position of each type matters a bit on the Enneagram chart, because it can be used to visualize a lot of things about a person!

The Basic Chart

The Types are shown in a clockwise fashion with “1″ in the 1 o’clock position on an analog clock. The interior lines mean things, but I have trouble reading it without further delineation.

Centers of Response

Below are two small charts, displayed side-by-side. (If it’s too small, try right-click, open in new tab!)

The chart on the left shows the three “centers.” The “centers” indicate the first ‘processing language’ a person would use to respond to stimuli.

Type 8, Type 9, and Type 1 respond first based on instinct (primal, gut-feeling). If you want to go Freudian, this is from the id.

Type 2, Type 3, and Type 4 respond first based on feelings (social or personal desires, the heart). If you want to go Freudian, this is from the ego.

Type 5, Type 6, and Type 7 respond first based on thoughts (analytical rather than emotional, the head). If you want to go Freudian, this is from the superego.

Remember that, of course, every single type and person engages their instincts, their emotions, and their thoughts at different times and to different degrees, and some of these are learned or changed behaviors. This is about what their innate drive toward that would be.

Likewise, the same “centers” can also be used for the chart on the right. You will notice that all three of these are defined by what is typically considered a negative emotion. This is because this is about a person’s instinctive, not particularly conscious emotional response when they are backed into a corner and deprived of something that is core to the needs of their personality type.

Type 8, Type 9, and Type 1 tend to respond to a threat to their psychic well-being with anger/rage.

Type 2, Type 3, and Type 4 tend to respond to a threat to their psychic well-being with shame.

Type 5, Type 6, and Type 7 tend to respond to a threat to their psychic well-being with fear.

Stress vs. Growth

We all know that there are times when a person isn’t acting like themselves, for better or for worse. Usually, “You’re not acting like yourself,” means that a person is behaving badly. Of course, it’s way easier to withdraw and bristle and defend rather than growing in the midst of adversity. However, it is certainly possible to experience character growth in response to experiences, good and bad. Unlike a lot of other personality typing schemes, the Enneagram has a way to display and predict what stress and growth do to a person.

The Enneagram never suggests that any Type is an island unto itself. Every person contains multitudes, but a person’s Type is likely to remain relatively stable throughout their lives, once they have had a chance to develop any personality at all. This means that when a person is stressed or growing that they do not become the type they emulate. Rather, they are more highly expressing that aspects of their personality that reflect those drives and desires but in a way that is either fraught, sickly, or unwell (in the case of stress), or aspirational, flying-high, and incorporating the hard-lessons into who a person is going to be going forward (in the case of growth). The latter, especially, isn’t a sustainable mode, while a stressed person can become more entrenched in their bad habits and defensive coping mechanisms.

Stress

Note the white, directional arrows. Each number has an arrow point pointing to it and an arrow leading away from it. The point indicates that this is the stress manifestation for the Type at the origin of that arrow. The origin of each arrow indicates the Type being described.

Confused? Let me finally give you a YuGiOh example.

When I was trying to identify the Types of the characters, defining Marik was difficult, because he has a “Yami,” or Dark Side, which has its own personality and will but which is not its own separate soul or person than Marik himself. Rather, it’s a kind of fantasy/magic-assisted personality splintering where Yami Marik is a full manifestation of the negative traits Marik needed to embody to survive.

So, for reference:

When stressed, Type 1 behaves more like Type 4. 

When stressed, Type 2 behaves more like Type 8.

When stressed, Type 3 behaves more like Type 9.

When stressed, Type 4 behaves more like Type 2.

When stressed, Type 5 behaves more like Type 7.

When stressed, Type 6 behaves more like Type 3.

When stressed, Type 7 behaves more like Type 1.

When stressed, Type 8 behaves more like Type 5.

When stressed, Type 9 behaves more like Type 6.

Alternatively, you can use these sequences to follow the stress lines:

1-4-2-8-5-7-1

9-6-3-9

Growth

Think of the above-explanation in reverse.

The sequence:

1-7-5-8-2-4-1

9-3-6-9

As a Type 1 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 7.

As a Type 2 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 4.

As a Type 3 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 6.

As a Type 4 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 1.

As a Type 5 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 8.

As a Type 6 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 9.

As a Type 7 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 5.

As a Type 8 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 2.

As a Type 9 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 3.

Wings

The final thing to know about the Enneagram chart for my purposes is about wings. The wing of your personality traits accounts for the complementary and contradictory aspects of your personality. They are the inconsistencies that make you human, predicted and jumped in. Typically, a person is not thought to have both possible wings but one or the other. A wing is one of the two adjacent Types to yours, the number before, or the number after, and it is annotated, for example:

Type 1, Wing 2: 1w2

Type 1, Wing 9: 1w9

Link to Part 2 Here!

[jaxsteamblog]

Scars

Triggering content: discussion of violence, including gun violence, implications of self-harm Content warning: heavy smooching, nothing explicit

Click here to read the full fic on AO3

Laying in bed, Katara started to drift as Zuko casually passed his hand up and down her side. With the shade pulled down, the late afternoon sun cast an orange light in the room, turning most of the things she could see into silhouettes. 

“Katara?” Zuko asked. 

“Mmm?” Katara took in a deep breath and shifted in the space next to him. 

“I want to ask you something, but I’m worried about your reaction.” 

“I’m not dropping out of school.”

“It’s not that.”

Katara pushed herself up on one arm and squeezed her eyes shut briefly, trying to wake up.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“I wanted to know about,” His hand paused and Katara glanced down. “This.”

The line of the scar ran almost a hand length down her side. All of the scars she still had were ones she couldn’t heal herself, usually because she had been unconscious for the surgery and too weak to finish it after. 

“That’s when I was shot.” She said nonchalantly. Craning over, she used her free hand to pull on the skin a bit as she looked at it. 

“I think this one is from the last battle actually.” She added and laid back down. Looking up at Zuko, she shrugged at his horrified face.

“You were shot?” He questioned.

“Weren’t you?” Katara asked. 

“Well.” He started, but didn’t continue. She knew regardless, she had seen enough battle wounds to name all of the marks on his body.

Rolling onto her back, Katara tossed the blanket off her body. 

“Obviously, you know this is a burn. That was during a partial eclipse; a Fire Nation soldier surprised us and Sokka was barely awake enough to fight him off.” She explained, tracing the outer edge of a patch on her abdomen. 

“The one on my thigh is from getting tangled in barbed wire after we burned our first prison. It got infected pretty quick, but I was able to use my bending for that one.” She moved on quickly, lifting her left leg and turning it to show the curling scar. 

“Blazes Katara, what happened to you?” Zuko asked. 

Katara lowered her leg but looked up at the ceiling, resting her hands on her stomach. After a moment of silence, Zuko pulled the blanket back up, draping it over her. 

“Sokka and I were alone for a lot of the two years we were out there.” Katara started. “We’d run with Suki and the Kyoshi Warriors for a bit and then break off when they had to do something for the Earth Kingdom. For a few months, we stayed with this liberation group, but they ended up being borderline terrorists.”

Katara’s thoughts drifted to Jet and his group, and Zuko stayed quiet as she reminisced. 

“We weren’t trained soldiers. Jet, he ran this teen army or something, he taught us a lot. That’s probably why we stayed as long as we did.” Katara shook her head. “No, I made Sokka stay because I wanted to fight back. I was so angry. He didn’t trust Jet at all.” 

“What happened with that?” Zuko asked. His voice was soft and sympathetic. 

“We left. For a bit.” Katara said tersely. “After Sokka met Piandao and wanted to train, I was livid. He couldn’t trust Jet, called him a bad guy, but then he goes begging to work with a Fire Nation veteran?

“Of course, by then I had seen the worst of Jet but…”

“Fire Nation was always the worst.” Zuko finished for her.

Katara sighed, rolling back onto her side and putting her hand on Zuko’s hip. 

“Back then, yeah.” She said. “So I left and found Jet. I got the feeling he was hitting places close to me on purpose, so I knew where to find him. I didn’t tell Sokka. He doesn’t know everything I did.” 

“Was it bad?” Again, there was no judgement, but Katara still hesitated.

“Jet stopped being so,” She took in a breath. “Violent. He said I made him want to be a better person, a noble hero kind of thing.”

“Did you two…?” Zuko left off the end of his question. 

“Yeah. He was my first.” Katara said simply.

Zuko was quiet and Katara rubbed his side. 

“Hey.” She murmured.

“No, I know. I mean, obviously Mai and I. It’s just,” Zuko shifted uncomfortably. “If he wasn’t a great guy…”

“He and I were young. We thought the passion we felt was love, not the insane rage we held toward the Fire Nation.” Katara said and then laughed, low in her throat. “He would constantly gush about my scars as if I were a martyr.” 

“The wounds are horrific, but I am grateful for the scars. They mean you’re alive.” Zuko said.

“And that’s the difference between him and you. He would talk about being a martyr in war, but you wanted to live. I had to realize that there was nothing noble in my desire for self-destruction.” Katara explained.

“So these?” Zuko asked, holding her wrist and stilling her hand.

“Just because I knew it wasn’t noble didn’t mean I stopped seeking it.” Katara replied. 

“Did Jet survive?” Zuko asked, moving his hand to interlock their fingers. 

“He did. I don’t know where he ended up, but we reconnected once after the war. He came to my college.” She said.

“I’m assuming you didn’t pick back up where you left off.” Zuko said.

“Oh my gosh, are you jealous?” Katara asked, laughing. Zuko scowled.

“No.” He said.

“I did not hook up with Jet if that’s what you’re wondering.” Katara said and then grinned. “Because I was dating someone else I had met during the war.”

“Who?” Zuko questioned.

“You aren’t going to know him!” Katara retorted.

“I’m just curious!” 

“His name is Haru. He’s an Earthbender I met in a little mining village Sokka and I were hiding out in.” 

“So no Waterbenders?”

“Nope. But I did have a crush on Yue.”

“Oh really?” 

Katara laughed again and wriggled closer to Zuko.

“Yeah, but it was pretty obvious she liked Sokka. So I didn’t say anything.” She said. 

“You don’t say a lot of things.” Zuko pointed out.

“Plenty of people have scars from the war.” Katara said. “It’s not unusual.”

“You weren’t a soldier. You weren’t trained for that.” 

“How could they have ever trained you for yours?” She questioned, putting her hand to his scarred eye. 

“I’m Fire Nation.” He said.

“And you would cut off your own hand before you’d hurt me.” 

He held her, pulling her close, kissing her with a fever. Katara pressed herself into him, clinging to him and yielding to his attention. 

His fear drove him and Katara could feel his heart pounding in his chest even without her bending. 

“Never.” He said, breaking away to kiss her throat. “I would never.”

“I know, Zuko. I know.” She said, her voice breathy. 

“No more scars.” He said.

Katara put her hand to his chest, pushing herself back to look at him. 

“I’d heal them anyway.” 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

[liannyeong]

Crimson (Chapter 13)

Summary: Yujin finds the truth and confronts Jaebeom.

Word count: 3738

Pairing: Jaebeom X OC

Warning(s): angst

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16

A/N: This was two weeks long overdue... This was rather emotionally draining to write :') Do let me know your thoughts! Show your support for my works by buying me a coffee! Follow me on Twitter for random updates.

Yujin is sent back to the living room of her old house. There, seated on the armchair right next to the fireplace, is her father. His face is illuminated by the flames, allowing Yujin to take a good look at him. Undoubtedly, this memory is one in which years have passed: he has aged, traces of gray hair amongst the black, skin sagging a little.

The wind howls outside, accompanied by the rustling of the trees, and then--

"Jaebeom," her father says out of the blue, not turning his head at all.

Startled, Yujin looks around the room. True enough, she spots the familiar red glint in the shadows -- the only thing that gives his position away. She didn’t even hear any movement at all. She wonders how her father could easily pick up the fae’s stealth. Jaebeom steps into the light, footsteps silent. He has matured: sharp cheekbones and chiseled jawline. His body is more built, his chest sturdy. He keeps his hair short, dyed in amber, and Yujin can easily spot the twin moles above his left eye.

“Hello, Sir Yunho,” the fae greets.

“What brings you here? You haven’t stepped a foot here in years,” Yunho points out. “Seems like something is bothering you.”

The fae appears embarrassed, scratching the back of his neck. “I-- Yes, that’s right, Sir,” he answers sheepishly.

Yunho finally turns his head, directly meeting Jaebeom's eyes. He gestures at the couch, wordlessly inviting the other to take a seat.

"Go on," Yunho prompts.

Jaebeom leans forward, elbows resting on his knees. His hands are in front of him, fingers interlocked. He seems tensed and nervous, fiddling with his thumbs. Yunho is patient, quietly waiting, letting the fae take as much time as he needs. After a moment, Jaebeom breathes out.

“Sir, you’re well aware about my condition -- a halfling: impure, a disgrace, weak,” the fae begins slowly. “And you know about my attempts to find a potion -- or a way -- to make me stronger.”

The other nods, focused.

“I-- I think I've found a way to achieve eternal strength.” Jaebeom continues, meeting Yunho straight in the eyes. “It's ancient magic, forbidden even, considering it requires a sacrifice.”

He then recites:

Here I bring

A mortal heart.

Its love so pure;

It strengthens me.

Let the magic come

And give me strength.

As soon as he’s finished, Yujin lets out a shaky breath. She sees how her father’s face has paled. It seems as if they both have the same thought.

“A mortal heart? Love?” Yunho repeats, a deep frown on his face.

Jaebeom nods. “The sacrifice is a mortal’s love. So--”

“So you wish to have my daughter as your sacrifice,” Yunho finishes. Yujin holds back a gasp, her heart pounding in her chest. No. Her mind flashes back the nightmares she had. Were those dreams a premonition?

Jaebeom is off the couch now, kneeling right in front of her father. He’s begging him, taking his hand into his. “Sir, please, I-- I know, it’s selfish of me to ask you this but-- It’s the only way--”

“The only way for what?” Yunho raises his voice, slapping Jaebeom’s hands away. He catches a glimpse of a shiny object on one finger. “Hell, you’re wearing the ring Yujin gave you and yet you want to sacrifice her? What the hell are you even thinking?”

“It’s the only way for me to overthrow all the Fae courts, one by one,” Jaebeom answers with conviction, seriousness in his voice.

Yujin’s jaw goes slack, her eyes widen in horror. Jaebeom wants to conquer all the Fae courts?

Yunho is shaking his head vigorously, in total disapproval. “You can’t possibly-- So what if you have immense power? There is no way you can go against all the faefolk combined!”

“Not if I marry Yena. She’s the Princess of the Air court. I’ll have access to an army then.”

What?

Yujin’s father bears the same mortified expression as her. “What will happen to Yujin then?”

“She’ll be with me forever,” the fae deadpans, pointing to his chest, “In here.”

“What?!” Yunho bursts out, outraged. He’s breathing heavy, chest heaving. His face is flushed red due to the intense emotions that surged from Jaebeom’s words. The atmosphere has quickly turned tense. Jaebeom remains kneeled on the floor.

“I don’t--” Yujin watches her father pacing back and forth, at a loss for words. “I don’t understand. What happened to you, Jaebeom? I can barely recognize you anymore! When did you become so monstrous? How are you so willing to sacrifice Yujin? You said with your own mouth that you cherish her!”

“As wicked as it is, it’s the only way! Else, faes like me will always be trampled on!” Jaebeom counters. “Nevermind if sacrificial magic is forbidden. If this is the only way to gain justice for my kind, then I will see it to the end.”

“Are you really fighting for a cause, or are you doing this out of resentment?” Yunho retorts. “The pure bloods treat you like filth, so you desire vengeance on them. But do you really have to go to such lengths, to use Yujin like a mere object?”

“Were you not the one who wanted to protect Yujin? Were you not the one who decided to erase her memories of you -- of all faefolk -- so that you’d keep her safe? And do you think I didn’t notice at all, how you’ve been watching her from the forest? Every single day, no matter the time, you’d hide behind a tree and watch her. But now, you come to me, breaking all those promises out of your lust for power. Do you really think I’d sit around and let you do it?”

Tears have filled Jaebeom’s eyes. His jaw is clenched tight, his hands clasped firmly until Yujin can see it turn white.

“Besides, how will you even gain her love?” Yunho questions, “She doesn’t remember you, much less know you.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” the fae says firmly, meeting Yunho’s gaze. “Her memories are still in the fountain. If she takes it back, we’d be able to rekindle the bond we had.”

Yunho falls silent. He shifts to stand in front of the fireplace, staring into it. The flames are almost dying, the logs turned to ashes.

“Sir Yunho, please. I’m asking you out of goodwill. It’s for the greater good,” Jaebeom tries when the other doesn’t seem to respond. “I don’t wish to forcefully take Yujin away from you.”

Yunho keeps silent before he finally says, “I’ll think about it.”

---

In the next memory, Yujin finds her younger self laid on the bed, deep asleep and oblivious to her father's presence. He sits near her hip, his elbows to his thighs, his hands clasped together as if he’s praying. He stays silent for a long while, unmoving, until he exhales through his mouth. He reaches a hand over, stroking the cheek of the sleeping girl.

“I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I have to," he whispers. “You may not remember him, but I hope you can bring the old Jaebeom back. I know you'll hate me for this. I know I'm putting your life at risk. But I'm sure Jaebeom wouldn't harm you in any way. I’m sure he’ll have second thoughts if he spends more time with you. The Jaebeom who cares for his dear Yujin still exists, I’m sure of it.”

"But you're not powerless, my child,” Yunho continues to say, retracting his hand, “There's no way I would let him use you.”

He picks up an object from his lap, something Yujin didn’t notice earlier. Wrapped in leather, Yujin reckons it’s what she thinks it is. Yunho unravels it slightly and Yujin sees a familiar gleam of silver. It’s the dagger that he gifted her for her eighteenth birthday. The same silver weapon that she tried to stab Jaebeom with.

“Should he put you in danger, strike him in the heart with this dagger. Free him from his own self," he adds as he watches the metal shine in the moonlight. “I know you don’t believe the existence of the faefolk, so there’s no way I can explain everything to you. But I’ll make sure you’ll see the truth when the time comes.”

Yujin recalls the night her father had presented to her the weapon. He didn’t explain anything much, only apologized. She didn’t understand it then. Now, it’s all coming together. All the questions she has in her mind are slowly being answered. Yunho was leveraging the fact that she could be Jaebeom’s weakness. If she is, she could either change his mind and abandon his quest for power, or she could strike the fae at his most vulnerable.

The room dissolves, and the living room fades back in. Jaebeom and Yunho are facing each other, the light from the fireplace casting an orange glow onto their faces.

“Alright,” Yunho begins, “You can have my daughter--”

Yujin has an inkling where this conversation is heading.

“--on the condition that you shall extend my life by five years and marry her seven months after my death.”

Jaebeom frowns. “Marry? Why must I? I plan to wed Yena--”

“Then I’m afraid I can’t give you my daughter,” Yunho answers simply, shrugging his shoulders.

The fae falls silent, thinking. Yujin reckons he didn’t foresee a marriage as a condition. She reckons he thought her father would simply agree.

“Alright,” Jaebeom says, nodding slowly, “I accept your condition.”

Then, he holds out a hand for Yunho to take. They press their palms together. Instantly, a white glow is casted over their hands for a while before fading away.

“The deal is now made and must be fulfilled at its appointed time. There can be no breach,” the fae states, raising the same hand used for the magical contract. “Should you or Yujin try to escape, I can easily track you down and I will forcefully take what is promised.”

“Very well.” Yunho nods his head.

Without further ado, Jaebeom steps into the shadows and disappears from sight. Yunho heaves a sigh, glancing at his hand.

"I entrust my daughter to you, Jaebeom," he mutters to himself. “Please don’t disappoint me.”

Yujin wants to laugh. In the end, Jaebeom had no choice but to marry her. He’s tied to the condition set by Yunho in order to obtain that power he longed for. Could his feelings even be true? Could all those sweet words he uttered even be genuine? Yujin doubts so. After all, their relationship is built on nothing but a kind of transaction. I’m sorry, father, but your acts were in vain. Jaebeom had deceived you too.

In the blink of an eye, Yujin is suddenly enveloped in the coldness of the night. She can barely see anything, if not for the soft glimmer of the moonlight. It takes her a moment before she realizes she’s standing in front of her father’s grave, his name carved into the stone.

This must be the day father died, Yujin thinks to herself. She remembers this day very well, how torn she was. She remembers the days she spent alone until Jaebeom appeared in her life and turned it upside down.

The sound of footsteps echo in the bare land, and Yujin is holding her breath, watching her surroundings warily. A hooded figure emerges from the darkness, stopping right at Yunho’s grave. Pulling down the hood, Yujin recognizes the face of the woman as Jinyoung’s mother. Her blue eyes glint in the dark, sorrow in them.

"I have come to fulfil your wish, Yunho," she says sadly.

Then, she holds her hands out, shutting her eyes. She wiggles her fingers, and Yujin knows: she's extracting Yunho's memories much like how she did Yujin's. A glowing liquid materializes from the grave, compacting itself into an orb.

"Your memories shall join Yujin's in the fountain at the mansion," the woman speaks, as she plucks the orb from the air. “When the time comes, she will be able to revisit your memories along with her own.”

So that’s why Yujin can witness memories of her father despite not being directly involved in the scene.

Then the Water fae bows respectfully at the grave.

"Farewell, Yunho," she bids. “May your soul rest in peace.”

Afterwards, she makes her way back into the forest, disappearing from Yujin's sight.

---

The next thing Yujin knows, she’s pushed back, gasping for air. She has returned to the Garden. Earlier, she felt that she was pulled into the fountain. But looking down at her body, she’s not drenched at all. It’s as if she just woke up from a dream. Her mind is buzzing though, bombarded with new information and all those memories.

Everything Yujin thought about the faefolk, everything her father had warned her about, it’s all true. He warned her that the faes are skilled at deluding people. Hell, there were multiple times when her mind constantly reminded her but Yujin didn’t take heed. She brushed those thoughts aside, believing that Jaebeom was genuine. She tricked herself into thinking that Jaebeom loved her.

But Jaebeom only needs her for her heart. Everything they ever had -- or she thought they had -- were built on nothing but a lie.

Yujin can’t describe the feelings in her chest. Subconsciously, she has been clutching at the edge of the fountain hard. It’s overwhelming -- there’s anger, disappointment, and sorrow. Most importantly, Yujin can’t comprehend the betrayal she feels. She makes the rash decision of storming back into the mansion, and barging into Jaebeom’s room.

He’s woken by the sudden intrusion, oblivious to the emotions boiling in her. He greets her with a smile, “Did you need me?”

“Were you ever gonna tell me?” she ignores him entirely, her tone harsh, much to the fae’s surprise. In an instant, his smile vanishes, his brows frowning in confusion.

“What’s the matter, my love?”

“Drop the pretense,” she spits, “Were you ever gonna show me all these memories, Beommie?”

Yujin sees how his eyes go wide, realization dawned on him. He’s shell-shocked at the name that little Yujin used to call him.

The female steps forward. “You lied to me. You wanted to keep the truth away from me, didn't you?” she accuses, jabbing a finger into his chest, “You told me that the Garden would attack me, that the Garden entices me so that I’ll be caught in the deadly fog. But no, why would it even do that to me, when that fountain belongs to me! The only reason the Garden has been calling me is because it wants to return my memories!”

"Yujin--" Jaebeom tries, but Yujin isn’t done.

“But you were not gonna tell me at all, were you? You were just gonna use me for your own selfish reasons, weren’t you? That the moment you get those powers you desire so much, you’d marry Yena."

“No, that’s not true--”

“Not true?” she repeats, incredulous. “Still denying it? I heard you and Yena on the balcony! And I saw my father’s memory regarding your plan to overthrow the Fae courts!”

Jaebeom’s face is drained of color. The truth is out, and he can no longer cover it up.

“Yujin, please, I can explain--”

“Explain what?!” Yujin screams, hysterical. Jaebeom has the audacity to look stunned. "What more do you have to say? I know everything now! You only need my heart to serve your purpose!"

"Yujin--"

“Did you really love me? Hell, do you even love me?” Yujin’s voice gradually gets weaker, breaking a little. Her eyes are getting moist, and her vision is getting blurry. “Was there even one moment when you actually wanted me for who I am, not for what I have? Or were you only playing along just to gain my trust, to get me to fall for you, so that you’ll take advantage of me when the time comes?”

“Because, hell, if that’s what you want, I--” Her tears fall, and her breath hitches. Jaebeom actually has a guilty expression on his face. But his hands stay by his side, unmoving. “I would gladly do it for you.”

In a frenzy, Yujin grabs Jaebeom's hand, placing it against her chest, right where her heart is. She's sure he can feel her pulse beneath his palm, the heart that beats for him.

"Take it,” she spits, “Take this heart that innocently loves you, and be done with it!"

Yujin feels Jaebeom digging his nails in, fisting into her clothes. She expects him to actually perform the ritual, but he pulls her forward instead. He throws her onto the bed, pinning her wrists at the side of her head. He hovers on top of her, their faces merely inches away, their breaths mingling. Then, he takes one of her hands and presses it against his own chest. His heart is pounding beneath her palm.

"Do you feel this?" Jaebeom mutters, weak. "Do you feel my heart that leans toward you, that beats for you? My feelings for you are true. Not one of it is a lie--"

"No,” Yujin says firmly, “I shall not fall for your sweet words anymore!" She tries to pull her hand back but Jaebeom holds her tight.

"Then I'll show you," is all the fae says before he lurches forward, closing the gap between them and smashing their lips together. He kisses her fervently and roughly, biting at her lips. Despite her resistance, Jaebeom doesn’t break away. She hits his chest, pushes at him, yet he manages to pin her hands down.

In desperation, Yujin thrusts her head against his face with all her might. It hurt, but she managed to break free from his clutches. The fae recoils, grunting. Taking the chance, Yujin shoves the male off, and slips out beneath him. She wants to break into a run, but Jaebeom recovers quickly, grabbing her by the wrist.

“Let go--!”

Jaebeom pulls her in, enveloping her into a tight hug. He wraps his arms around her waist, pressing his forehead against her shoulder. “You can’t leave me. Please don’t,” he mumbles.

“What am I, but a mere human to you? A simple mortal. What does it matter if I stay? You have your beloved Yena to keep you company,” Yujin snarls back.

“I let you go before, and I’m not gonna lose you again!”

“You just did.”

His grip on her suddenly loosens, and Yujin finds herself slipping out of his grasp with ease. She doesn’t look back at the male. Jaebeom doesn’t even chase after her as she exits the room.

In the hallway, she meets the curious eyes of Jinyoung and other servants in the house, including Yeri. She must have started a commotion in the mansion, but it doesn’t matter. She’s done being a fool in this game.

“Did you know?” she confronts Jinyoung, looking at him straight in the eye. He’s taken aback by her sudden question, but he glances away, guilty.

“Yeri?” she snaps at the servant, whose mouth goes agape, unable to voice out anything.

Yujin scoffs, brushing past all of them. No one dares to stop her as she walks away, and out of the mansion. Not once did Yujin look back.

---

Yujin doesn’t know how long she has been on foot, but she doesn’t care. She trudges through the forest, heading as far as possible. Her legs are aching, but she pushes forward. There is no way she’ll stay in the mansion any longer. She can’t bear to see anyone from that damned household.

Everyone had known about Jaebeom’s plan, and no one bothered to spill the beans. It proved that Yujin was never cared for in the first place. Hell, she even felt a sense of belonging to the house! She thought she had a new family to come home to, but no, it was all a facade. She had trusted Jinyoung and had sought his help whenever she needed it. Hell, she even realized her true feelings for Jaebeom through him! Was that his way of helping Jaebeom get closer to his goal? And sweet, sweet Yeri. Yujin can’t comprehend that she would betray her like this.

Her anger morphs into betrayal, into utter mess. She drops to her knees, breaking down. Nevermind if her clothes are stained with dirt. It doesn’t amount to anything that her heart feels. Jaebeom has shattered her heart to pieces, but what’s more painful is that Yujin herself has picked up those jagged pieces and stabbed herself with her baseless expectations. She let her guard down, let herself believe the fae. In the end, what has she become? She’s reduced to nothing but a fool. A foolish human that has fallen to the temptations of the faefolk.

Tears come flooding her face uncontrollably. In the quietness of the night, only her cries are heard in the forest.

Suddenly, a blanket of warmth is draped over her body. Looking up, Yujin sees a pair of white eyes, a form crouching in front of her.

“I warned you, didn’t I?” the Princess of the Air court speaks, wiping away the saline liquid on Yujin’s cheeks, “Do you now see the truth? Did you really think Jaebeom loves you? He’s only using you.”

“I can’t believe it…” Yujin sobs. “I was so happy with him, but he-- He just had to wreck me in the most cruel way possible.”

“Heartbreaking, I know,” Yena says, nodding. “But I can save you from your misery.”

“H-how?” Yujin’s mind has gone hazy, the emotions that she feels clouding her rational mind. She completely misses the way Yena’s eyes glint in mischief, her lips curling into a devilish grin.

“Give him what he wants,” the fae answers simply. “Perform the ritual. Obtain the powers that Jaebeom wants so much. Afterwards, you’ll be free from him.”

Yujin hiccups. The sacrifice is a mortal’s love. If she performs the ritual, if she sacrifices her love for Jaebeom, what will that leave her with? Will her heart forget the fae? Will she no longer bear any feelings towards him? How will her life turn out afterwards? She shakes her head. What does it matter anyway? She has nothing to lose. After all, her life has only revolved around Jaebeom. Losing her love for him would mean moving on from him.

It doesn’t take long for Yujin to decide.

"I'll do it.”