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nvirskies · 8 months

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til death do us part, and then some - c. la rue

warnings: reader suicide, angst hurt/no comfort, ruegard, asshole clarisse, descriptions of blood, infidelity, broken promises, not beta read

summary: clarisse never comes back from a quest and you take matters into your own hands to reunite.

unclaimed!fem!demigod!reader x unfaithful!clarisse la rue

word count: 2.1k

taglist: @lvrue @star-girl69 @petitegavotte @b0ok-lover @azrielsdiary

PROCEED WITH CAUTION, READ AT OWN RISK

men, nsfw, non-sapphic, 16-/19+ dni

Lord Dionysus, Chiron, or whomever may be reading this:

In the event that someone has been unfortunate enough to find this note upon my death, do not fret. This has been a decision I had been mulling over for weeks, months, if not years now. I do not know when I will feel compelled to take this step further, so this has been written entirely in advance. Know that I will be content with my life in the Fields of Asphodel, or the Gardens of Elysium should Lord Hades be so generous as to grant me that privilege.

I would like to thank everyone who did their best in making Camp Half-Blood a welcoming and home space. Special thanks to the Hermes cabin, and Lord Hermes for their gracious welcoming arms and making me feel like I belonged somewhere. My belongings should be distributed amongst whomever would like to keep them, and make sure they are put to good use.

Return any and all of Clarisse’s clothing found in my chest back to the Ares cabin, and let them figure out what to do with it on their own time. Lord Ares, I give my final thanks to you for graciously allowing your daughter to have been part of my life.

To my fellow unclaimed demigods who are wondering if they should be mourning the loss of a sibling, I have no definitive answer for you beyond if you felt like you were close enough to call me a sibling, mourn me like you would a biological one. No matter if you are claimed tomorrow or never claimed at all, know you are not unworthy or inferior simply because of your divine parent’s lack of attention.

You may be half-divine, but always remember to keep that human spark within you alive. Keep your compassion, your empathy, your sense of understanding. This world is not made for us, but never give up on creating spaces that are. We live heavy lives, and respite is hard to come by.

When you bury my body, put me to rest with my javelin, suit of armor, and the fragments of Clarisse’s shattered spear. Under my tongue, please place two coins instead of one. My love is waiting for me on the banks of the River Styx with no way across, and I would like to provide her with a way across alongside me.

Underneath the last paragraph was your name, signed in neat print alongside your signature swooping cursive. The letter was found rolled neatly atop your chest of belongings, your lifeless body on the bunk bed you had claimed for yourself for the past four years of your life. Crimson blood seeped through the bed sheets and mattress, a fatal reminder for all of the fragility that even the strongest harbored.

Upon the discovery of your body, ripples of whispers swept through the campers like a stone tossed in the midst of a serene waterfront. Your skin was just barely lukewarm, the blood streaming from the thin cut horizontal across the jugular vein was beginning to brown and oxidize.

In one hand was the knife that had presumably made the cut, the blade pristine and glinting in the dim light save for the thin line of blood that ran across its edge. The other held Clarisse’s favorite shirt, all bundled up and cleaner than anyone had ever seen it before. Anyone who picked up said shirt could immediately tell that it had been doused in the cologne that she once wore on a daily basis, no doubt a purposeful move to make your last moments completely blissful in surrounding yourself with her scent.

She had been your home, after all.

Clarisse had comforted you through nightmares, the breakdowns about being unclaimed for years that happened whenever someone new was claimed and the jealousy and anger of it all.

She had reassured you that even after Silena had died that you weren’t a rebound, and that her feelings for you were genuine, and you had believed her.

You were her girl, after all. The one she let her walls down around, the one who had tried to patch together the spear her father had given her even after the Hephaestus children had given up. The one who she let braid her hair and be soft around. The one where she had promised over and over again that even in the afterlife, you would find each other in Elysium again.

Then, she had been sent out on a quest. One that she had vowed to return from, safe and sound. The rest of her group did, but her face was never again seen on the hills of Camp Half-Blood that the two of you called home.

Gone were the moments wherein she would hold you and soothe all of your worries away. Gone were the times of squealing as she picked you up from behind and spun you around to face her mid-air. Gone were all the possibilities to make the most of your limited years together, because she was dead, off in a faraway land that you couldn’t even visit to see her corpse and offer her one last smile.

That was when the thoughts began to swirl in your mind. Months went by and everything seemed to go back to normal. You had been given three weeks off training to mourn, and after those three weeks you seemingly bounced back like nothing was wrong, like you hadn’t just lost the love of your life.

The only difference was the streak of white that made itself apparent in your hair, its origins unknown, and the smile on your face that never seemed to quite reach your eyes no matter how many times you tried to convince (yourself) and the others that it was genuine.

Months passed and all fell back into its routine. Things were looking up for the camp as a whole, and Chiron had been able to take a few steps back in managing thanks to Percy Jackson’s continued efforts to have gods and goddesses interact with their children more.

But those thoughts still took root in your mind, their tendrils digging into the very essence of your psyche as every lonely moment was spent longing for her touch, for her warmth, for the security that she provided once upon a time. In your mind, there was no doubt that it was time to make good on your promise to each other.

You would meet her in the gardens of Elysium and reunite once more.

After your burial, you made your way down to the banks of the River Styx, anxiously clutching the two coins in one hand and your javelin in the other. Your eyes scanned the crowds of souls, all clamoring to Charon, pleading that he take pity on them and take them across without payment.

The wails of the damned, sobs of the innocent, and screams of the guilty all flooded your senses.

Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted a familiar mess of brown curls and sprinted towards them, your footsteps leaving indents on the ash-sand lining the waterline of the Styx.

She was there. Your assumptions had been correct.

As she had died out in the world and had never been given a proper burial, she had joined the crowd that lingered just at the edge of the Styx, taking every chance she had to try and get across.

But now that you were there, she didn’t have to worry about sneaking aboard Charon’s boat. You had enough payment for the both of you to make it across safely, and finally live out the rest of your afterlives like you had promised each other.

It wasn’t until you were naught but a couple dozen feet away that you noticed she was rather busy with something. Or rather, someone. And she was looking at that person like they were the only one in the world right now. Your gut twisted, knowing that was the look that she had given you.

But it wasn’t you she was looking at. It was Silena Beauregard, the daughter of Aphrodite, that Clarisse had spent countless hours reassuring you that she wasn’t just using you as a rebound to get over her death.

She had lied right through her teeth, all with the kindest smile on her face that you could imagine. It was becoming apparent that you were a fool, strung along for the sole purpose of keeping Clarisse’s arms full and warm while she thought of the Beauregard girl.

Every kiss, every moment, every word shared between you two seemed hollow now. They had lost all meaning, all of the sentiment that once made your stomach fill with butterflies.

You skidded to a stop just behind the pair, watching with a heavy heart and tightening in your chest as their lips collided over and over again in a series of passionate kisses, their hands roaming each others’ bodies. Just like she had done with you, countless times prior. They were too wrapped up in each other to notice your presence.

You had always been hers, but she had never been yours.

There wasn’t much emotion left in you besides melancholic resignation, and your gut twisted every time you gripped the two coins in your hand, a reminder that they would never be used for their intended purpose.

You waited there for a moment before tapping on Clarisse’s shoulder, causing her to break away from the kiss and turn to look at you. Surprise filled her features, then guilt. Overwhelming guilt as she realized the situation you had caught her in. Her lips were interlocked with another girl’s just a moment ago, the very same girl that she had reassured was not a problem or factor in your relationship.

Silena stood behind her, her eyes scrutinizing your appearance, taking note of the way you clutched two coins instead of the customary one.

“Love-? What are you doing here?” Clarisse asked, the term of endearment slipping naturally off her tongue as it had countless times in the past. But it no longer held any meaning to you, not when you had just witnessed everything before your very own eyes. You didn’t respond beyond throwing the two coins down at her feet with a knowing look, a silent callback to the promise that the two of you had made. The coins clinked softly as they fell onto the fine ash that lines the shores of the River Styx, falling on top of each other.

Horror filled her features as she realized just exactly what you were doing down in the Underworld, and her eyes fell upon the thin scar that ran just along the jugular vein on your neck.

The one spot she had taught you to go for on an opponent if anything ever threatened your life, and you had used it on yourself to have a chance at forever with her. A chance that had been wasted.

“You- you didn’t-” she began, choking on her own words as tears filled her eyes at the thought of it, and the sight of you, now in front of her, very obviously dead.

“It was for you, ‘Risse, but it seems I really was just a rebound after all.” You spat out, a dangerously bitter edge to your voice as you looked her up and down.

“These,” you gestured to the coins on the ground, “were supposed to be for us, for the promise you made. But I guess I was the one foolish enough to listen to you, to fall for you in the first place.”

“Enjoy your time in Elysium, La Rue, and know that you were the cause of my death. Don’t forget. On the River Styx.”

That last statement was the final nail in her metaphorical coffin. No one made a promise on the infamous river and broke it, not without terrible consequences. Any and all chances of her getting into the paradisal side of the Underworld were dashed in mere moments as the realization dawned on her about the gravity of her mistake.

You bent down and picked up one of the coins on the ground and left without a word, turning on your heel and disappearing back into the crowd of souls before Clarisse could utter another word.

You had left her with two choices by giving her that one coin: to take the coin for herself and cross with Charon with hopes of trying to win you back and leaving the Aphrodite girl in the dust, or giving it to Silena and letting her go because she was clearly the girl the daughter of Ares loved most. Either way, she lost something.

Her last name was right. You rued the day you ever met Clarisse.

#🖋️ nvir writes #clarisse la rue #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse la rue x fem reader #clarisse la rue x you #clarisse la rue x y/n #clarisse la rue x fem!reader #clarisse la rue pjo #ruegard #silena beauregard #angst #hurt/no comfort #wlw #sapphic #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson and the olympians

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eretzyisrael · 4 months

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Every week we are reading about professions that are pushing out Zionist Jews from their fields.

In the field of international law:

...The professor saw a trend among the topics Israeli and Jewish colleagues were pushed to pursue. Those who continued their academic work in international law either wrote about Palestinians as victims or Israel’s violations of humanitarian international law. “Israelis would either write about IP law or business law, or about how Israel is being awful, violating human rights and all of that.”

This stood out because the professor noticed their colleagues from Latin America and China weren’t expected to work on topics that criticize their home countries as a condition for receiving faculty support. Yet when it came to Israelis, it was “clear to us this is what we need to deliver on.”

In the professor’s discussions with the senior faculty, especially the progressive liberal Jewish faculty, it came through clearly that support for Israeli students was conditioned on being the right type of Israeli, “and there were fellowships and scholarships and grants available to students who are willing to do that. In Hebrew we say that a person knows which side of the bread is buttered, right? So it’s pretty clear what pays off is to distance yourself from a mainstream Israeli kind of discourse.”

Understanding who holds the power and influences decisions is important in any profession, the law included. “You need to have the support and the mentors to advance in your career,” the professor explained, “and for that, you look for cues on what should I do, how do I make these people like me. Why would you bother, why would you take the risk of saying something that is controversial or put yourself in the position of protecting Israel or speaking on behalf of Israel when there is only a price to pay for that?”

“For example, there is an institute that gives out scholarships to doctoral students who are writing dissertations about Israel. I was advised not to take their money because then it’s going to be on my CV and people will interpret that as if I don’t have the right kind of politics. So even when there are economic incentives to write different kinds of scholarship,” under the current academic incentives, the professor concludes, scholarships and point-interventions will not work “because it’s more about selection and authority and networks and connections and less about economic incentives.”

Mental health professionals:

The anti-Zionist blacklist is the most extreme example of an anti-Israel wave that has swept the mental health field since the Oct. 7 Hamas terror attacks and the resulting war in Gaza, which has seen the deaths of thousands of Palestinian civilians. More than a dozen Jewish therapists from across the country who spoke to Jewish Insider described a profession ostensibly rooted in compassion, understanding and sensitivity that has too often dropped those values when it comes to Jewish and Israeli providers and clients.

At best, these therapists say their field has been willing to turn a blind eye to the antisemitism that they think is too rampant to avoid. At worst, they worry the mental health profession is becoming inhospitable to Jewish practitioners whose support for Israel puts them outside the prevailing progressive views on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Authors:

Over the past several months, a litmus test has emerged across wide swaths of the literary world effectively excluding Jews from full participation unless they denounce Israel. This phenomenon has been unfolding in progressive spaces (academia, politics, cultural organizations) for quite some time. That it has now hit the rarefied, highbrow realm of publishing — where Jewish Americans have made enormous contributions and the vitality of which depends on intellectual pluralism and free expression — is particularly alarming.

It feels like history is repeating itself.

Jews founded the Jews' Hospital in New York in 1855, now known as Mount Sinai Hospital, partially as a response to the need for a place that Jews could be treated without feeling like outsiders, as every other hospital at the time was aligned with various Christian groups. It followed the founding in 1850 of the Jewish Hospital in Cincinnati. When Mount Moriah Hospital Mount Moriah Hospital opened in New York in 1908, the Forward reported that Jews "can open the door and enter as if to your own home without a racing heart and without fear."

Brandeis University was founded in 1948 "at a time when Jews and other ethnic and racial minorities, and women, faced discrimination in higher education."

Jews who were facing discrimination formed professional associations and schools in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, for physicians, scientists, and trades, like the Hebrew Technical Institute in New York and the Kehillah which attempted to be an umbrella of professional and educational associations in New York (and that the antisemite Henry Ford railed against.)

It appears that it is time for Jews in the professions where they are being blacklisted must start to form Jewish professional organizations, educational networks and institutions anew, where Jews can network and publish as they want without having to please the "progressive" crowds.

But the arc of history is going backwards, and this is only a Band-Aid. The problem is with America and the world itself, and Jews cannot solve this problem alone - the dangers of the progressive bigots are a threat to the free world and that needs to be addressed at the macro level.

#Israel #antisemitism #USA

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glitteryinknotes · 1 year

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Astarion & his life before Cazador

After seeing a few different takes on it, my thoughts have been circling around Astarion's pre - vampiric life and what it must have been like to shape him into the person we know, behind the trauma and his attempts to hide the truth of his feelings and vulnerability inside him.

After days of musings, I've tried to gather my thoughts into a single analysis of a sort, both on his general mindset and his life as the person buried in the graveyard as Astarion Ancunin.

What can be said - disappointing as it is - is that in his life he most likely was what can be tactfully referred to as "an asshole". He held a magistrate's position, but most likely didn't give a damn about anything other than luxuries this position provided him with and the life of utter debauchery he was given on a silver plate. I don't think he's ever had to really fend for anything nor work towards anything, or deal with any kind of problems either on personal or any other level. What's worse - he probably had his part in some form of severe oppression of the common people, otherwise why would he get jumped and beaten to death (his attackers clearly aimed for his death, not just a lesson to be taught) in his own city.

(I would like to mark at that point that my further thoughts are not an excuse for him being a shitty person. If he was a dick indeed, that's on him)

Astarion is, fundamentally, as others have pointed out before me, a rather selfish person - or more specifically, self - absorbed to the point of selfishness. That's one of his core vices.

However.

He isn't an evil person either. He is capable of compassion and taking interest in other people. He is fiercely loyal to those he loves (that being Tav) and capable of consideration, pride and joy for those he considers friends. He is very slow to trust (understandably so) or accept kindness - but once he does, he remains true to the people who granted him those gifts. His confession scenes are the best proof of that - where his consience, still intact, is eating him up as he can't stomach leading on the only person he knows who treated him well.

And as much as he adores his own charms, beauty, pleasure, fine things, there is deep within him the yearning for something more than that. He isn't truly sated by all of those shallow things, nor is he pushed to any kind of growth within them. This yearning is something he is barely able to recognise and understand himself, let alone pursue it. But it's there.

Astarion's character and behavioral patterns must have been shaped before. The trauma from Cazador's enslavement broke him, scarred his psyche to unimaginable extent, exposed his worse qualities and drove him to become a shell of who he could have been, leaving him utterly out of touch with himself, burdened with indescribable guilt and self - loathing, stuck in desperate survival mindset. But his inner self was still shaped somewhere and somehow.

I've come to imagine that his pre-vampiric life wasn't really a happy one. It was undoubtedly rich, loud, unspoiled by any hardships, but fundamentally empty. Without any semblance of meaning, without any true kinship with anyone or any genuine emotional intimacy. Even if he lived like there was no tomorrow and nothing in the world mattered but his pleasure - deep down, maybe he knew he wasn't truly satisfied and that no amount of shameless, drunk debauchery would ever fullfill this emptiness. Perhaps he craved something more after all, something he hadn't been taught how to seek.

Now how could it have come to that?

He was most likely born in some wealthy local family (or one with considerable influence in the city) that held the position of the magistrate for generations, hence his lifestyle and being granted the title at such a young age for elven standards (he was 39 at the time of his presumed death; i personally would equal that to no more than 30 years by human standards, more like middle 20s even). He was obviously somebody's son - but I don't personally believe he ever experienced the healthy, genuine love a child should be provided, he strikes me as a type of person who never quite had a good, trusted role model to look up to, no one to call him out on his vices and lovingly steer him into growing into a possibly best version of himself. No one to check him on his selfish instincts and show him that there may be a more rewarding way of going through the world. That kind of thing usually happens through some sort of neglect and lack of sufficient care; my guess is that he never had an actual meaningful bond with his parents, was raised mostly by hired caretakers and overall in his childhood didn't experience the much needed selfless love & care from emotionally close people, the kind of love that subconsciously makes us believe that there is good and kindness in the world and that it's worth the effort on our part.

Whatever came in his elder years couldn't have been better, and it certainly didn't make him a better person. Some amount of power, money, countless pleasures, all of that he so adores but which doesn't ultimately fullfill him nor make him truly value and appreciate himself on a deeper level. And after his death - he was most likely mourned in some way, but not necessarily missed by anyone and was quickly forgotten. Perhaps his parents remembered - but they too eventually moved on.

What leads me to believe that?

The most interesting thing about Astarion's final love declaration to Tav is that he says he feels "seen" with them. It's one of the most beautiful things we people can offer each other - the feeling of being "seen" and safe in that sight, understood, felt, valued. That can only happen when the other person knows us well enough to be aware of all the ugly qualities we possess, but is just as aware of our capability for all the good ones, and so, in the greater picture sees the better version of ourselves (sometimes even better than we ourselves can picture) and that vision, when truly caring for the other person, we trust and want to live up to. By seeing ourselves the way our loved one sees us, we allow ourselves to grow and be better.

I don't think Astarion ever had that kind of person. I don't believe that he ever, in his pre - vampiric life, experienced a kind of love and trust needed for such a feeling - being "seen", and wanting to be seen as someone good, worthy, valued. Even more - I don't think he ever had any kind of true friend or companion. And that kind of emptiness deeply cripples a person, no matter who they are.

The tragic thing is - Tav may not be the first person to show Astarion kindness and care after years of torment from Cazador, they may be the first selflessly caring and kind person in his entire life. Even if he doesn't remember anything about his previous life, emotionally, he doesn't even seem to recognise the feeling of being cared for, considered, valued, appreciated for who he is, he doesn't instinctively recognise emotional closeness of any kind. Tav may be his first ever true companion, confidant, someone he comes to value and trust enough, that he eventually wants to be the same for them - and be better himself.

Tav may just be the first person to be a selfless and genuinely healthy influence for him, the first person to call him out on shitty behaviour and challenge him, but also to the first one to care. Ever. The first person Astarion comes to care about. The person through whom he learns to care and value more, both others and himself. And the person through whom he learns to love.

I don't believe he ever loved before, nor was he truly loved in the first place. Maybe he never tried, maybe he never dared, maybe he didn't know how to, maybe no one taught him. Tav was the best thing to happen to him in both of his lives.

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate astarion #baldurs gate astarion #baldur's gate 3 astarion #astarion bg3 #bg3 astarion #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #astarion ancunin #astarion analysis

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longing-for-rain · 4 months

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I don’t even understand the character Sokka stans are stanning. It’s not even Sokka. It is like they are taking the big strong tough guy Sokka thinks he is and acting like that is his actual character when it isn’t. I know not all of them are z*kkas but it does seem like atla renaissance and z*kka popularity added to this trend of taking Katara traits and giving them to Sokka instead

Me neither? I honestly don’t dislike Sokka as a character. I never particularly related to him like I do with other characters, but what frustrates me is how the fandom treats him in relation to other characters, especially Katara.

I definitely agree with you that there was a noticeable shift with the ATLA renaissance in 2020. I was in the fandom long before then and the biggest shift I saw was character bashing taking a faux-progressive spin. For example, Mai bashing used to involve calling her ugly and abusive, but shifted into shoving her into sapphic side ships for the aesthetic instead (while still making jabs at her appearance and demeanor, of course, because people can’t be normal about lesbians). As for Katara, it’s even worse. I’ll get into that.

I remember that historically, Katara has been one of the most bashed and hated on characters in the fandom. People would call her bossy and self important, say she was too emotional, that she was too rude, that she didn’t care about other people’s problems, etc. It was blatant back then, but I honestly see the same trends now, just more covertly. People acting like Katara is not as mature as Sokka, not “mom friend,” or otherwise downplaying the responsibilities she had to take on, fundamentally, are operating on the same logic. They do it in a very jokey way a lot of the time or even act like they’re “letting her be a kid” but really it’s just erasing the nuance of her character in the same way overtly misogynistic fans once did.

Because here’s the thing. We can all recognize Katara was forced into a parental role at an early age and that wasn’t fair to her. But acting like that was something that randomly happened on its own is not addressing the problem. But these fans refuse to address the problem by answering the question of why Katara constantly has to take this role…because that would require them to hold Sokka and Aang accountable for their actions and these people will not do that.

I really do think this is tied in with zukka too. I will say that I’m not a zukka anti. I actually really enjoy some zukka content because it can give a refreshing perspective. But I do see a lot of characterizations that are deeply annoying because they really seem like they’re trying to replace Katara. They want the Zutara dynamic but want slash. And I know these characterizations are no longer unique to zukka, but I would agree they were popularized by it.

Just off the top of my head:

The character who is the first of the group to trust Zuko? That was Katara. Sokka was the one in favor of leaving him to die whereas Katara trusted him twice during Book 2.

The character who emotionally connects with Zuko? That’s Katara.

The character who Zuko feels safest letting his guard down around? That’s Katara.

The character who helps Zuko heal from his trauma? That’s Katara.

The character known for showing the most compassion to others? That’s Katara.

The character who primarily bears the burden of having to step up into a parental role? That’s Katara.

The character who represses their emotions to be strong for others? That’s Katara.

And yet, for some reason, there is this new wave of fans who take all of these traits central to Katara and give them to Sokka instead. It’s just frustrating. Sokka is his own character. He’s different. I really just think this is a new brand of misogyny where we take traits like these for granted in female characters but overemphasize them in male characters.

#ask #anon #katara deserved better #pro katara #katara defense squad #zutara #atla #fandom salt #canon critical #katara #sokka #avatar the last airbender #meta

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knightyoomyoui · 10 months

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Momo x M Reader - "Crazy Stupid Love"

So this is one of my requests and probably the LONGEST one I had to grant because I just realized today that one of my readers made this request since November 2022, so I just want to say my huge apologies to you Dumbledore_1 for taking me too long to finally make this piece. This one-shot is a sequel to my Set 4 Momo x M Reader work titled "Somebody That I Used To Know" so if yall haven't read that one, better do so because you might not understand a little on what this story is about to tell and to give you guys a background from what happened to Momo and the reader's past, although I tackled the main point of this story clearly though. Lastly, I labeled this as only for male reader to feature because the first one also features only male reader, so it might be a weird for the female ones to read this. However, it's still up for my female readers there if you want to imagine yourself as a guy or for others to take place rather for this to aid your curiosities. Here's my Ko-fi account where you can drop your donations or ask for a commission. You can check it out on my Tumblr profile too! Buy knightyoomyoui a Coffee. ko-fi.com/knightyoomyoui - Ko-fi ❤️ Where creators get support from fans through donations, memberships, shop sales and more! The original 'Buy Me a Coffee' Page. Enjoy reading and have a happy Christmas season, everyone!

YN was shaken as the barrage of stomps and steps coming from the other passengers effectively woke him up. The bus had stopped moving, and he peeked from the window with squinted eyes. There he saw a very familiar view.

A smile crept up on his face, and he followed through the remaining people exiting the vehicle. Stepping out, he grabbed his bag and luggage before the bus left them there at the stop point.

YN started to walk while wandering his eyes around at the surroundings. It never changed, he thought. This is still one of the places where he could get use some time off away from every troubles he's having from the city.

And that being said, YN came here for one specific purpose. He wanted to stay in his province of Daegu for quite some time to help himself allow to recover from his heartbreak and improve his well-being for the better.

He has been disturbed day and night by what Momo revealed to him since their last talk, which was one month ago. It led him to the point where he needed to be delving deeply into reflection about the painful revelation she had brought to light. The next important person in his life to whom he has been closest, Dahyun, became aware of her cousin YN's odd conduct. She made one quick suggestion that she knew would assist her cousin, who is in a mess, knowing that he had recently ended a difficult and unpleasant relationship with Momo. She is a little upset at what her cousin did to her friend, but she still needs to show compassion and kindness for him because he is a loved one. She had always despised those who were internally disturbed by shattered hearts. She is thus making every effort to support Momo and YN during these challenging times. Aside from the fact that he genuinely misses their province, YN paid attention to what Dahyun advised her to do. He packed his belongings and traveled for hours to go to Daegu. His grandfather and other Dahyun's side relatives welcomed him when he got there. They greeted him with open arms upon his return, which undoubtedly helped YN feel at home. Then, after spending months there, he bought a house for himself, which his family allowed him to live in alone. During the months he had to stay apart from everything, he had the opportunity to experience living alone in the heart of such a vibrant and serene environment. even though at first he found it tough because he knew that being left alone is one of his worst fears.

Even so, he still tried to endure all the pain as he knew that he needed this for the sake of taking a rest for himself after what he'd gone through. There's been a saying that you will never heal from the pain if you never consider to give yourself a break.

Those created the thoughts that were unable for him to dodge all the memories that ties him back to his ex-girlfriend Momo. Because of her, it finally had him to slowly reprocess and understood everything wrong that thay had gone through in their relationship.

He had it discover pieces by pieces and he got some help coming from one of his interactions with some of the locals around his place, as he turned himself to be a volunteer to their town as a way to give himself things to distract him and make his time more valuable and less boring.

He walked back and got one for himself to begin eating with the locals, joining the elders, after serving some food to some of the kids seated at the table.

A notification beeped into his phone, causing it to open. He saw it for a second and turned it off, right before one of the elders asked him something.

"Who is that girl?"

He paused on directing his spoonful of food on his mouth as he heard the elder's question. He looked at him who has this curious look presented on him.

You opened the phone again and showed the rest your wallpaper that got seen, your own picture of Momo on the screen.

"Was that your partner?" His grandpa asked, tempting him to a frown on his lips.

He hesitated to answer for a while as he stared at Momo through the phone. Gulping his throat, he cleared his voice before speaking out his answer.

"She was mine."

All of them became quiet and his grandpa felt the sullen mood of his grandson. "Son, the world hasn't been very kind to both of you, hasn't it?"

He shook his head, denying the assumption. "I'm starting to think that it's not like that. It was only her, and i'm her world who didn't treated her well."

One of ahjumma (female elder) furrowed her eyebrows at his claim. "Did you do something wrong on her?"

"I did, ahjumma." He nodded his head, tightlipped at how guilty he was. "I broke her heart. I didn't mean to but I had to. I haven't got to explain it further."

"Was it that huge of an effect on her?" the first harabeoji (male elder) who asked him about Momo took the turn. He sipped on the soup and kept your head lowered.

"She erased my existence on her life, like she never met me." He smiled bitterly. His heart starts to get heavy, emotions were slowly rising up in his chest. "I guess she brought back the favor because I tried to get rid of her, to push her aside, to make her feel unwanted."

He received a slap on the shoulder by his own grandpa, earning a yelp of pain from him. "And how could you do that?! That's a wonderful girl you just had and you wasted it."

"Believe me, YN you've done a terrible mistake of inflicting heartbreak on that poor woman. Take me and your grandma as example. Even if we had many faults and fights in our relationship until she passed away, I never forgot her and I know so as she wherever she is right now.

And how did we do that? By making up to each other. Acknowledge what wrongful acts you have done. And I'm telling you, son; if you really loved that woman you won't let her be like that to you. Be sorry for everything that you did, understand?"

He nodded at his mixture of scolding and advice. "B-but, I'm afraid I might lure her away."

"She may not forget, but she may forgive you if you convincingly say everything from your heart."

The elders gasped and awwed when they saw a teardrop flowed out from his eye, he was so invested at the rant spoke by his grandpa that he didn't even noticed that his guilt urged his emotions to break loose.

"What's her name, son?"

"Hirai Momo." He noticed the slight amazement in his face. "She's Japanese."

"She's pretty, you got a foreign lover who surely looked up at you all the time not until you showed her the opposite." He expressed his dismay. "But I still feel sorry for you, son. Like what you said earlier, it seems like you got lost on the consequences of the stakes that was put upon you on your relationship with her."

"Do you still love her?"

He kept everything of his grandfather's advice in mind during the days that went by, including the last question that was posed to him and for which he is still unsure of the answer. He decided to give it some time for clarity even if there were some residual sentiments. He asked his cousin Dahyun, who is getting ready for their group schedule, a startling question during one of their video chats, even though Dahyun knew she would have it coming.

"Uhm... Dubu, is she there?"

"Who?"

"Momo."

"Yeah, but she went with Nayeon unnie on the cafeteria, why?"

"H- How is she doing, Dahyun-ah?" He questioned with a sorrowful tone.

Dahyun paused for a moment and just watched her cousin's misery displayed on the screen. She knew that until now he haven't gotten over her, but she didn't expected that he would spoke it out and make it known.

She knew YN to be very secretive of how he actually feels that's why she thought he would just rather do it through action, like what he did to Momo when he was loving her smoothly until the confusions took part.

But Dahyun isn't satisfied yet for that. She know that the two still haven't been getting along fine together and she hoped it'll come someday, and she believes that the only thing needed for that to happen is for her cousin to bravely show up and tell it all by himself to the woman he hurted the most.

"She's doing well, oppa. She's still laughing along with us... well we're trying to make her happy these days."

You nodded, relieved that Momo isn't suffering as much as you do today.

"But I don't know if it just because of us, because uhm... actually oppa- should I say it first to you?"

Dahyun's cautiousness grew an alarming tenseful feeling on him that is making him uncomfortable.

"Go ahead, i'll be fine." He said. Dahyun hoped the same. "Okay. Don't tell me you didn't let me be." Dahyun warned him one more time. "There's a guy who's courting Momo-unnie currently and based from how unnie is receiving his efforts, I think it's winning."

He heard enough and he became silent for a while. He knew it would be painful but he just let it sink in. He's the one who caused all of this to happen. It was all just a pure karma in return for him.

"Is that so?" He reacted bland. "That's great. I-I'm happy for the both of them in case... yeah." He smiled forcefully.

Dahyun clicked her tongue and sighed. "Oppa, you're hurting."

"As I should be."

The next days, his phase was on recollecting their memories together, in which he reminisce whenever he encounters something that Momo used to love before; he used to be in that place to witness it with his very own eyes.

Everywhere he goes, there's always one reason for him to remember her.

The kids he always entertain and taking care of. Momo loved children.

"Someday, if we will be lucky enough to get married. I want us to build a family with two kids! I hope we can have both a son and a daughter..."

The pig feet which was one of their foods for dinner. That is Momo's absolute favorite food she would be willing to die for.

"You should cook more jokbal, YN! This is so delicious!"

Their pictures together on his gallery that is almost full of her beautiful face. He opened one of the videos there which contains one of the clips they recorded during their anniversary.

He smiled as Momo kissed him on the lips and nuzzled her head on her neck. The next thing was soft and low, but her voice was always catchy for him to be able to hear it clearly.

This has to be the most anticipating turned devastating words you will ever remember from what she said.

Not only because this was like an oath for the goal to the next path he wanted to reach with her, but also because this will now end up instead in his imagination to haunt him with his guilt and definitely hers to occur with her desires.

"To more anniversaries and hopefully, a wedding in the future with you, YN. I love you."

Lastly are the peaches in the farm where he helps some of the farmers there to harvest and the dogs from the neighborhood who randomly visits his house were the ones to sum up everything that ties him back to her.

And in his last days in the Daegu province, he has finally see and understand everything clearly.

Before he rode the bus, he looked back at his grandpa who guided him to the bus stop.

"Remember the question you asked me about, grandpa. If I still do... love her?"

"Have you found the answer?"

"I do." He smiled. "And I promise you that I will try to make her hear my apology to her once I return to Seoul."

"Great for you, then. I wish you good luck, son."

They hugged together before they parted ways, with YN focused on his way back to the destination where his objective lies ahead.

A month after his departure from the province, he is back at Seoul where he is now currently looking for a place to work with these days.

Dahyun notified him one day that they'll be celebrating Jihyo's successful solo debut and she wants to bring him there because the girls misses him.

Hesitant at first that he knew that out of nine of them, Momo is the only one who doesn't want to see her, but he instead accepted for the sake of seeing his friends and to celebrate her special day when Dahyun assured him that Momo isn't like that to him anymore.

YN and Dahyun arrived at the restaurant together. The girls saw them from the table and they all cheered, except for Momo who is sitting there in silent and avoiding his sight. He noticed it and felt a bit unease as he entertains the rest.

And there, the two ex-couple finally saw each other again after quite a long time. Awkward at first, they still managed to greet each other when YN tried to test his courage for his plan tonight. Thankfully, Momo greeted him back shyly.

They ordered, congratulated Jihyo again for her success, talked a lot about how they've been doing, and ate their respective delicious foods to savor the precious time they're having together as a group.

As they went to enjoy the night by doing some videoke and chugging beers, YN noticed that Momo went outside to freshen up.

"Dahyun." He called the woman sitting beside her, munching some pizza. "It's time. I'll be right back." He said as they gazed at Momo's back facing them through her stance at the railings of the balcony.

"Be careful, okay? Make it sentimental and don't force if she can't have it all too well."

"Got it."

Dahyun patted him on the back before he stood up and carefully opened the sliding doors. He silently stepped towards Momo's figure, breathing becoming heavy, heartbeat rising rapidly.

He let out one last sigh before he began to confront the woman he wanted to meet and talk after months of waiting, recovering, and changing.

"Momo?"

She heard that familiar voice, she remembered what she told him almost a year ago, prompting her to try not to slip off on her character.

"Now you're just somebody that I used to know, YN."

Turning her body around, she finally has come to face to face with the man she tries to completely forget in her heart and mind.

"Yes?" She responded. It was cold and plain, and YN understand what he's putting himself into. He just had to let it go and proceed with his main intention for her.

"I know you don't want having me near you, but c-can I please just... please have a short moment with you?" He said. "It won't last long, I promise but if you don't want me... then, it's fine but I really wanted to say something very quick to you."

Momo was startled when YN called for him. From the way he acted, Momo is quite intrigued that this version of YN infront of her is now more cautious, kind and soft to her. This is almost like... a different person from the one he used to know-and endure- before.

Momo would be deceiving herself and she knows how awful it is to feel regretful to herself if she lets that, if she doesn't admit to herself that it actually made her convince and push her wants to atleast see or know something of himself in personal.

"Don't waste any more time. Go on." She granted him his request. Crossing her arms, she leaned on the railings and watched this poor, broken, and lonely man she used to hate seeing being like this.

"T-Thank you." He bowed a little and straightened his posture, breathing deeply before he proceed to let out everything he's been keeping to his chest. "I know I shouldn't be in here because I know you're still mad at me. I almost didn't attend but for the girls-"

"For the record, I'm not mad at you anymore." Momo seriously said. "I set it all aside, because like I said... I don't want nothing to do with you. You're a nobody to me now, but I'm just letting you for once as long as you prove what brought youself here with me and dare to come close with me after how we ended things together."

"I know about that, and that's why I'm just here to say one thing that I've never ever said to you.

I'm sorry."

Momo's eyes shut, biting her lip with her fist clenching after hearing that. "I'm sorry for everything. All I did was very wrong of me and I don't want you to force you to believe me but... I didn't intended to do that on you.

"I did love you from the first time I laid my eyes on you, to the time you gave back the same feelings as mine for you, and the beginning of our relationship together. I know I have been gotten cold to you as time passes but I want to clarify things that... it wasn't your fault at all, Momo. It was me."

Momo glared at him with a teary eyes. She hated it, but she had to recall all of the times she had to wonder every night why does this keep on happening and what did she do wrong that made him treat him with lack of affection. She wanted answers for a long time and gladly, the time has come for her to hear it straight away from the man responsible of putting her like that.

"I always wanted to be like you, on what you're doing for me and it's true. But I always look at myself lowly, thinking if what I'm doing rather wasn't enough for you." His voice began to crack, as his eyes became to get watery also from the immense emotions affecting him. "And instead of improving or sharing my worries to you, I chose rather to set you free from me. I did that, thinking it was for mercy but instead it looked like I wanted you to suffer more and it was so... so wrong for me to do so. I became so lost for that."

"I still love you up to this day, Momo." With that, both synchronizably cried from that words that they used to say to each other as a vow but now, it turns out to be a forbidden phrase for them to exchange anymore. "It's not that I didn't trust you it's just that... I was scared."

"My plead for you not to leave was true, I truly can't bear letting you go. But now, I think I believe that probably I deserve to be alone and unworthy of somebody's love to hold onto because what I did, I am willing to sacrifice my feelings for you, Momo."

"It hurts me so bad but I have to let you go now." He escaped a rough exhale before continuing. "I'm not going to plead for you to come back and ruin the happiness your getting with somebody else now. Again, I'm truly sorry again for rushing in our relationship, acting immature on times you needed my comfort and making you bring all the burden you never deserved to have to."

YN began to drop on his knees and positioned himself to kneel in front of Momo who was shocked at his action.

"YN! W-what are you doing, get up from there!" She dashed through him and lifted his body and in YN's disbelief, he made Momo envelope him into a longing and comforting embrace that belongs to one of the lovely things he wasted from an gracious woman like her.

They both sobbed in their own heartache and sympathized with their own struggles.

"I hate you for what you did to me YN but why!" Momo cried out. "Why did you kept it to yourself, huh?! Why did you let yourself struggling on your own?"

"You promised me that you'll try to be honest, but you didn't, and that made me think that being done with your fake love, I rather be going. You could've shared it all to me directly, I'm your girlfriend for god's sake, I could've helped you because I loved you!"

"I'm sorry.. I'm s-so sorry..."

Momo whined and screamed in a mixture of frustration, agony and disappointment for what their relationship had become and the complete clear revelations of how she got ended up suffocating and unpleased in his company.

"Get up." She helped him stand back to his wobbling weak legs again. "Finally you were now able to reflect yourself and tell to me that one words I just wanted to hear from you. I just wanted you to be accountable and say sorry to me.", Momo said, clarifying the last words she told to him back then.

"But now that you did and I've heard and seen enough your sincerity..." She grasped him in the shoulders and stared at him with a broken smile. "I forgive you, YN."

He nodded and cried again, finally getting the remorse and acceptance that he's been yearning and searching for months after realizing what he's done. "Thank you. I'm sorry again, Momo."

"That'll be your last, it's fine now." Momo warned him as he fixed his messy hair and wiped away his tears.

"I just have one more question to ask."

"What is it?"

"Have I... been a nice girlfriend to you?"

He stared at Momo's awaiting, curious and softened face. A teardrop flowed for one final time, to drain out every bit of pain he consumed.

He grabbed the back of her neck and gently pulled her close to land a tender kiss on her forehead. "You did more than enough for me, Momo. You're a great woman that I wasted the unconditional love you've been giving by being ungrateful and selfish, and I will forever bring that regret with me."

Momo timidly smiled for him and stepped away from his contact. Wanting to end this emotional moment between each other to avoid ruining the fun night, she came up something to talk with. "I know you have quite shared this with the girls earlier but I just wanted to know myself, how have you been doing these days?"

"I'm good, I'm still on my road to improve myself. I couldn't stand to let others see and continue to be the same guy that you used to encounter." He finally flashed the first bright smile for Momo away from their problems. Momo was proud and touched for his efforts and dedication that she implemented on him. "And you?"

"I'm happy. Even happier now that we've settled things peacefully."

"I've heard from Dahyun that there's this guy who's been seeing you these days, huh. How is he doing for you?"

Momo was taken back that he had to learn about that and mention it. "H-He's fine, but I want to make it clear to him that I don't want to be in a relationship yet." she shyly said.

"How about you? Will you be okay? Are you... gonna look for somebody to have an interest with?" Momo wondered.

"No, I don't think I will." He stated. "I'm not scared, I just want to be careful. I think it's better for me not to engage in this romance thing anymore, you know? I have learnt from my mistakes now." She understood and didn't spoke any further despite still having this pint of pity for the fallen man.

"And... why should I look for other, when you're still the one I choose?"

Momo stared at him, she blushed and uncontrollably smiled in an embarassed way after hearing that glimpse of the charming YN that never disappeared from him.

She spreaded her arms wholesomely and looked at her with a smile.

"I know I've said that I wanted to disregard your existence but... I didn't want to be cruel now that I've heard your side and I'm sorry for that because I have to admit...

Although you broke my heart, I still couldn't deny the truth that you're one of the most important person I've met and the first man who helped me explore how love could led us into elsewhere.

You still made me happy, YN. I can't just have it easy to throw you out of my life so... should we be friends again?"

He listened to her patiently and it was overwhelming in the end. "I don't deserve this at all, but I'm highly grateful to take it, Momo. Let's start fresh again." He shook his head and smiled.

You accepted her hug one more time and both took time to indulge how great it must felt've again to their part that they don't have to try pretend, carry a hatred, and keep their unspoken troubles for theirselves.

They are now freed from their own personal chaos and has now created a clean slate of their closeness and connection to each other.

They returned back together where they are approached by the girls who've been watching their melancholic yet heartfelt moment they shared in which they paused their fun to express their happiness for their friends on burying the hatchet between each other.

Both learning that they are currently happy with their own lives and has finally washed away their conflict, they realized that somehow helped each other to realize that maybe having a crazy stupid love with somebody was never really required to be happy and contented in life.

#twice #twice momo #momo #hirai momo #twice momo x m reader #twice momo x male reader #twice x m reader #twice x male reader #twice au #twice fanfic #twice one shot #kpop au #kpop fanfic #kpop oneshots

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lookmomitsmytmblr · 15 days

Text

OKAY so I am re-listening to "Death and The Queen" again and I am having Thoughts™.

I can't find any info about when this drama takes place continuity-wise, but my personal placement would be after "Planet of The Ood" (4x3) and before "The Sontaran Stratagem" (4x4) because 4x4-4x6 take place directly following each other with Donna stating at the end of 4x6 that she plans to travel with the Doctor forever. Donna's determination to continue traveling w him is in keeping with the conclusion of Death and The Queen, where she comes to the decision that the Doctor IS her "happily ever after," as it were. Placing the drama after "Fires of Pompeii" and "Planet of The Ood" also makes sense with Donna's desire in the audio drama to have a break from "the extraordinary" of traveling with the Doctor (specifically, horrific death and destruction,) which adds understandable context to her seemingly being so willing to leave the Doctor after searching for him for so long.

(Don't talk to me about the ending of Forest of The Dead. It's unlikely Donna would have left the Doctor even if she found Lee. Donna's desire to confirm whether Lee was real could be easily contextualized by her wanting to know how much of her experiences inside CAL were a fabrication, and what the supposed "perfect husband" persona would have said about her if it was drawn from her own mind. Also it was written by Moffatt so it shouldn't count anyway.)

ANyway, what I actually wanted to talk about. Notably, considerable emphasis is placed on Donna enjoying her role as Queen and especially caring for her subjects and having power to help people. A greater amount of text is dedicated to her talking about how as Queen she can care for her subjects than her love for Rudolph, even before the reveal that he is human(?) trash. Her attachment to the role of Queen that marrying Rudolph will grant her is established to be largely based upon her passion for helping people rather than luxuries associated with rank, especially in view of the montage of how royal life on Gorotainia is not as glamorous as she hoped but is still enthralled by being Queen. Later in the story, when danger has appeared, her main role in the story is sacrificing and taking the lead to protect her subjects.

Notably, when things start going downhill and Rudolph starts talking to her about the difficult choices that he must make as royalty she comments that Rudolph is “just like HIM” (the Doctor) and that she went with Rudolph to escape these darker aspects of her travels with the Doctor, specifically the hard choices that go with the role the Doctor plays in the universe (while she doesn’t connect these concepts directly, these two statements are placed very close to one another textually.)

Only when her relationship with Rudolph and role as Queen seems like it will involve some of the same dark choices that her travels with Doctor did does Donna decide she doesn’t want to be involved anymore, which is quickly reversed when she finds out she needs to become Queen in order to protect her people. (I love Donna. In case you can’t tell.)

The narrative has established that a large part of Donna’s attachment to her relationship with Rudolph is potential authority to help and guide people, and that her main interest in pursuing a life with Rudolph rather than her travels with the Doctor was her perception that her role as Queen of Gorotainia would not involve the same death and destruction she has seen with the Doctor. Perfectly understandable after experiencing something like Pompeii.

Donna’s compassion and empathy have been essential components of her character since her introduction, with her wanting to protect the Doctor despite being irritated with him and feeling sorrow for the children of a Rancoss that wanted her to be eaten in “The Runaway Bride”, her taking the time to mention Stacy in “Partners In Crime,” and literally everything in “Fires of Pompeii” and “Planet of The Ood’. Donna has always taken the time and the energy to think of others and work to protect them, even this early in her run. In view of how deeply she feels the pain of others, it is understandable that she would find the idea of a world where she could help others from a position of power without all of the death and chaos and destruction appealing, and her outrage at Rudolph for once again putting her in a position where she has to witness (and potentially be responsible for) terrible things happening to innocent people is believable. He proves that being a Gorotainian royal is like being the Last of The Time Lords. On a smaller scale, sure, but still.

So the text (and Donna) have set up the idea of Rudolph being similar to the Doctor in role, so what is the difference? Rudolph doesn’t much care about people. He is willing to sacrifice his own people quite coldly.

The Doctor does care about people. How good of a person he is, or how good of a job he does caring for people is up for debate, but he cares.

Which all leads me to this quote from “Beautiful Chaos,” that I cannot believe is cannon and real and published.

Why does Donna love the Doctor?

"I wish you could see what I see. We've been to places, to worlds, to futures and pasts you could only dream about. I think half of them I dreamed up because they can't be real. But they are. And everywhere we go, we make a difference. We put things right, we make people happier. That's what the Doctor is all about. He finds a way for the universe to make sense. And I love him for it.”

Donna Noble wants to make a difference. No matter where she goes, she cannot escape the death and pain and suffering and chaos and nonsense that is the universe, and she can’t help but want to help. And right there beside her, the Doctor is working to put things right too. And she loves him for it.

We have this entire drama dedicated to Donna wanting to make a difference, while also escaping the darkness of the universe, and she learns she can’t. There are no happily ever afters.

Except with the Doctor.

I have so many feelings guys.

#tendonna #ten/donna #feel free to interpret this as platonic if u want but this is why I love them as a couple okay #they are whole independent people who learn that if they stand together they don't have to carry the whole world on their shoulders #they understand each other and they have goals that are fundamentally compatible #how is that not sexy #ten x donna #doctor/donna #doctor x donna #donna noble #this is a Donna Noble Stan blog #tenth doctor #big finish doctor who #death and the queen #doctor who #not me being afraid my old English lit teacher will find my tumblr and give me notes on this #1K word essay lets go lads #dw meta #THE TENDONNA THESIS LIVES #I AM FERAL FOR THEM #GRASPS UR SHOULDERS AND SHAKES VIOLENTLY “THE POTENTIAL!!!!!”#okay so maybe Rudolph kinda cares but he has the spine of a wet noodle #not sure if any Rudolph stans are hiding out here tho #not gonna bash any other ships here but #is this not substantive??? Is this not compelling???

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spdrvyn · 1 year

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Can we maybe get pt.2 of I’ll be lonely with you?

can you be lonely with me? — MIGUEL O'HARA

SUMMARY: ever since your first real encounter with miguel, you're sure that your relationship him has grown ever since. it's hard to put an exact label on it but it's safe to say that he's grown more comfortable to confide in your presence nowadays.

NOTES: i keep getting reqs for miguel fluff and a part 2 from the last fic i did so i am killing 10 birds with a machine gun here. you also don't really need to read the first fic to understand this one but if you want to see how it all starts out then it's on my masterlist if you wanna get a better understanding of it! this one is more from miguel's perspective by the way :3 this gets fluffier as i proofread it uhhh good luck you're gonna get cavities!!!

No matter where he went, no matter how hard he tried. Noise, it followed Miguel.

If he was dealing with an anomaly, he would hear the shrieks and cries of the people all around him. The shuttering of phone cameras, law enforcement telling civilians that they'll be able to handle it.

If he was in his own dimension, walking amonst the other Spider-people, he would hear the chatter and the gossip. Mechanical whirring, the sound of webs being shot, it's like it was haunting him.

It's the reason why he enjoyed staying in his office so much. Even if he can hear the occasional bang or clang, it was mostly quiet. He's contemplated getting earplugs to drown out the sounds but there's always a need for him to be alert.

That's where you come in.

Granted, it's not like you were a magical pair of noise-cancelling headphones that descended from the heavens (maybe just a little bit) but you provided some relief for Miguel.

On the chance that the two of you met, whether it's in the cafeteria, passing by each other in headquarters, or once you built up the courage to actually visit him in private—

He didn't want to admit it. It might be a little dramatic but he'd rather die than admit it.

But... he enjoyed your company.

Granted, he had trouble putting his thoughts into words at times. Talking about the arachno-humanoid-poly-multiverse could be easier than answering a question about what his favorite pet was but you? You made it seem so simple, so easy.

You didn't really talk to him about crude and mindless topics such as 'how his day went' or whatever. Conversations could span from your childhood best friends to your most memorable trip with your family or even high school love lives.

Miguel contributed much less to the conversation obviously but listening to you talk was more than enough for him. Your voice satieted him, it was almost addicting.

The melodies sung by birds in the morning, the praise he receives from colleauges about his deeds. They couldn't even compare to you.

Although, there were a lot of things that he also hated about you.

He hated how you could make him hear his heart drumming in his chest whenever you lay your hands on him. Even if it's for the most miniscule of things, like whenever you brush shoulders or graze fingertips; it sends a pleasurable shiver up and down his spine.

He hated your face, your smile, your eyes. Whenever he had the chance to open up about himself, when you had the pleasure of experiencing the rarity that is hearing a personal detail about Miguel; he'd look back at you once he finished talking and he'd see that look. A look of how proud you were of him, a look of longing and wanting. It's taken his breath away more than you'd ever hear him say.

He hated your compassion. Miguel has had an uncountable amount of bad days that if he made an attempt to number them, it would give him migraines. During those days, he would be grumpy, irritable, upset at the little details and during those days, you still wouldn't give up on him how he imagined even some of his better known acquaintances probably would.

Most of all, he hated himself for not knowing why.

For the longest time, he's thought of himself in the worst way possible. Unlikeable, difficult to be around, anti-social, and so much more and so much worse. Why did you continue to stay with him?

Having late night meals or snacks with him has now become a very frequent occurence, it was practically a ritual at that point. You'd even managed to convince to come out during more normal hours for lunch or just to "take a stroll around".

He's given up on himself, given up on the possibility that he could be anything more than his role of protecting the multiverse.

Yet, you gave him even the smallest sliver of hope.

He hated himself for wanting to hold onto it.

He didn't care anymore if he didn't know the reason why you continued to tolerate him after all this time, all he knew is that he'd try to stay by your side to the best of his ability. Holding onto that brittle string of a dream you handed him.

Key statement being 'to the best of his ability', tonight was such a time he couldn't be able to see you, much to his dismay. Swamped with surveillance, reports, reminiscing. The last time that he got a glimpse of your beauty was earlier this afternoon, only god knows how many hours have passed since then.

Perhaps it would be best if he found out himself. "Lyla," He called out, the virtual assistant hovers over his shoulder. Pixels floating over him. "What time is it?"

A little clock glitches into Lyla's hands, she hums before looking back at Miguel with her usual smug expression. "3:47 in the morning. You've been at it for seven hours now, Miguel."

His eyes flutter short for a moment, possibly the only wink of sleep that he'll get through out the night. Even when his eyes are closed, it's like the screens he's been looking at for hours to no end are now tattooed into his eyelids or something.

With a deep sigh, he continues working at it anyway. It's not like whatever anomaly or evil that's awaiting him in a distant universe will allow to him to get some shut-eye anyway. What's the use if he takes such an opportunity now?

Unusually, Lyla doesn't 'disappear' yet. Normally once he's done making a request, she poofs straight into thin air unless she's going to make remark back at him yet she remains in complete silence.

"Anything else, Lyla?"

"Someone's coming." She announces abrubtly, her tone is blank and lacking of emotion. Is that a sign of danger? Without daring to hesitate, Miguel puts his mask on. Eyes shifting to each dark corner in the room, ready to snatch and tear at whatever beast is—

All of a sudden, there's giggling. Coming from Lyla, of course. A hand clutches at her stomach, the other waving a finger in his face. The small outburst of laughter sends echoes. "Oh, wow! You're that paranoid already? Jeez, get some sleep maybe..."

As quickly as his mask came on, he takes it off. An aggravated scowl playing at his features, Miguel folds his arms over his chest. "I can't believe you. No me asustes así, Lyla. Is there someone coming or not?"

Finally, her stream of cackles stop as she catches her breath. She nods, perching herself on his shoulder; she pretends to check her nails. "Take a guess."

"I don't know. Who?"

"Come on, take a gander at who. You won't believe who it is."

"Lyla, no more messing around. Dime quién es, or else I'm putting you on low power mode." The threat is empty and there is no low power mode, Miguel has said it to her more than a dozen times but the response that he's able to provoke with it is a little laughable.

Begrudginly, she swipes a screen into view. Revealing you entering the hallway that leads into his very office, he's barely even get a good look at it before the screen disintegrates. Lyla crosses her arms, basically imitating the same position that Miguel is in right now.

"Happy?"

"Very. Leave us alone for a bit, won't you?"

In retaliation, she sticks her tongue out at him before her avatar shatters into mere blocks of code then disappearing entirely. Perfect timing he'd say as he sees you come into view on the stage below.

Once you're able to catch sight of him, you wave at him. That same gleeful smile that tugs at his heart strings. The lowering of his platform is finished, signified with an audible click.

You don't hesitate to head on up, immediately you wrap your arms around Miguel, pulling him into a warm but unexpected embrace. He doesn't have time to respond or think, muscles tensing once greeted with your touch.

He doesn't get the chance to hug back either before you pull away, hands remaining on his shoulder and his forearm. Only then does he realize that the grin you wore was tinged with a hint of concern.

"Sorry, sorry," You sputter out, chest rising up and down as you huff with relief. "I just didn't see you in the cafeteria a while ago, I thought something happened to you but I had to go back to my dimension due to reasons."

There's a sharp punch at Miguel's head once he realizes. He forgot about your midnight ritual, drowning in his work that he neglected the one other person important to him. "Mierda, I'm so sorry. It— it slipped my mind, I was just..."

Unable to finish his sentence, mind scrambling for what to tell you. To say that he was doing his job would maybe be fair but would it spare any of the pain that he may have caused you for missing it?

He's fully expecting you to be simmering with anger, even by just a little bit. That whole thing was how you two got to develop such a connection with each other anyway and he fucked it up.

A small lecture, a scolding, a disappointed glare.

"Hey, hey. It's fine, what matters is that you're okay. Whatever tasks you're taking on here are really important, I'm not upset at all. You're just doing what you gotta do,"

Nothing?

Nothing at all!

"Oh." All the apologies, the reasons he's been looking for, the pleading that he would've saved as a last resort to quell your boiling rage has now gone out the window. "Are you sure?"

"Of course, I am. I have no reason to be mad at you right now, Miguel. Although..." Oh no. Here it comes, brace yourself! "When's the last time you slept? I swear,"

His hands clench into fists, nearly flinching away as your hand reaches up to his cheek. Your thumb rubs the circles under his eyes, "These get deeper everytime I see them." With a sigh of defeat, he wraps a hand of his own around your wrist. Cheeks sinking into the soft caress, ever so slightly.

The way that your expression twists into one of worry once he doesn't respond, how Miguel feels the stinging in his chest for making you concerned but he thought it would be better than telling you honestly.

Your hand slips from his cheek, he tries to tamp down the disappointment at the loss. "I wish I could stay for longer but you have your duties, I have mine."

He nods understandingly, why wouldn't he? He knew that notion best, arguably a lot more than most Spider-people. At least, he'd be able to better appreciate this moment you two shared no matter how short lived it was.

"Promise me that you'll sleep once you're done."

Silently, barely even above a whisper, he utters: "I promise."

You shoot him one last smile before you swing back onto the lower platform, sparing one last glance then you disappear into the dark hallway. Miguel's face falls once you leave,

He despises how he misses you already.

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rvp32 · 1 year

Text

Whisper of uncontrollable desire

4.5K, Omegaverse of sorts, Power dynamics, overstimulation, and a little dirty talk. Overall, it is a pretty fluffy smut. Any and all feedback is appreciated. Hope you guys enjoy it!

"Please, alpha," Chaewon moaned, her voice filled with desperate longing. "I need it. It hurts so much." The stage was set for a magnificent performance, but fate had chosen this precise moment to unleash the torment of her heat upon her.

Chaewon had forgotten her suppressants and her scent was spiraling out of control, a potent aphrodisiac that threatened to shatter the fragile peace around her. In this futuristic world, where dominance and hierarchy determined societal norms, any other alpha catching even a whiff of her scent would ignite a savage frenzy, tearing apart the very fabric of their meticulously built company and tarnishing its reputation forever.

As her dedicated guardian, it was up to you to ensure Chaewon's well-being, to tame the wild storm brewing within her. You knew that for her to perform flawlessly, her primal desires had to be appeased. The weight of responsibility pressed upon your shoulders as you gazed into her pleading eyes.

"Pretty girl," you whispered, your voice tinged with a mix of authority and compassion, "I am going to be quick, but you will face the consequences once we return. Do you understand?" The words hung in the air, a delicate promise of both pleasure and punishment.

Chaewon's mind was clouded with an overwhelming need, her thoughts consumed by a single craving. Unable to resist, she nodded fervently, surrendering herself completely. At this moment, consequences and concerns faded into obscurity, replaced by an all-encompassing yearning.

In the confined space of the washroom cubicle, a labyrinth of desire unfolded, teasing the boundaries of your shared passion. The small enclosure offered little room for maneuvering, especially with your imposing stature, leaving you no choice but to surrender control to Chaewon's graceful movements. A tantalizing prospect danced before your eyes, as anticipation mingled with lust in the charged atmosphere.

With an unyielding hunger, you pulled Chaewon close, your lips crashing together in a kiss that ignited a fierce craving for a deeper connection. The taste of longing lingered upon your tongues, a tantalizing promise of the pleasure yet to come. The world outside the cubicle ceased to exist as your bodies molded together, bound by an insatiable need for more.

Seating yourself on the toilet, you drew Chaewon onto your lap, an electric pulse of desire coursing through your veins. The heat between you intensified, as your mouths remained locked in an intoxicating dance of tongues and teeth. Every touch and graze fueled the fire that consumed both of you, building an uncontainable tension.

"Alpha, please," Chaewon's voice echoed with a plea, her words a seductive melody that seeped into your very core. Her whine, a symphony of desire, tugged at the strings of your self-control. At this moment, inhibitions were discarded, and all that remained was an overwhelming need to quench the ache that enveloped you both.

Giving in to Chaewon's plea, you swiftly strip off your pants, granting her access to what she craves. With a pang of hunger in her eyes, she wastes no time and removes the final barrier between herself and her desires. She's already drenched, and time is of the essence, so she wastes no time in sinking down onto your length, inch by glorious inch until you're completely intertwined.

The sheer stimulation is enough to send Chaewon spiraling into a world of ecstasy, her body trembling and her control slipping away. You instinctively pull her closer, ensuring she doesn't lose her balance amidst the mind-blowing pleasure. Werewolves are known to get ultra-sensitive during their heat, so it's no surprise to witness Chaewon losing her mind from such a simple action.

"Ah, so tight for me, aren't you, my pretty girl," you whisper huskily into Chaewon's ear, relishing the shivers that raced down her spine. A playful bite on her earlobe elicits a deliciously wanton moan from her lips. "But naughty girls like you don't get the satisfaction of me doing all the work."

In the depths of her gaze, you catch a glimmer of vulnerability mingled with untamed desire. Chaewon's eyes glisten with tears, a testament to the intensity of their connection. Yet, the tightening of her body around you reveals her true pleasure, a silent affirmation of her carnal hunger. With a shared understanding, she embraces her role, preparing to take charge of their intimate dance.

As she begins to move, a symphony of moans cascades from her lips, unabashed and unrestrained. It's as if time itself ceases to exist, and the only reality that matters is the intoxicating pleasure that courses through their intertwined bodies. Your mind is clouded with desire, longing to explore further with your free hands, but the constraints of her delicate outfit restrain your primal instincts, adding an exhilarating layer of restraint.

Suddenly, the bathroom door swings open, breaking the spell that has enveloped them. "Chaewon-ah, how long are you going to take?" The voice, unmistakably Sakura's, one of the Betas from your pack, punctures the heated atmosphere. Chaewon, unable to form words in her state of delirious pleasure, sinks her teeth into your shoulder, drawing in your scent, which only intensifies her arousal.

"Sakura, Chaewon will be out soon," you reply, your voice laced with a commanding yet tantalizing authority. With that, Sakura retreats from the washroom, realization dawning upon her. The brief interruption only adds to the charged tension, heightening the forbidden allure of their clandestine encounter.

As Chaewon continues to ride you with unbridled eagerness, the intensity between you reaches a fever pitch. Her mind, now blissfully lost in a haze of pleasure, prevents coherent thoughts from forming. Her eyes roll back, disappearing into a world solely focused on the sensations pulsating through her body. Unrestrained moans escape her lips, filling the air, as her scent wafts around, a fragrant declaration of her desire.

With your free hand, you skillfully tease her swollen bud, sending a surge of electricity through her system. The unexpected jolt causes her to yelp, and a rush of liquid gushes forth, coating both of you in a sweet mixture of satisfaction. Her body trembles, overwhelmed by the cascading waves of pleasure that wash over her.

Caught up in the all-consuming whirlwind of sensation, the boundaries of reality blur, and nothing exists except the searing pleasure shared between your intertwined bodies. The irresistible tightness enveloping you fuel an instinctive rutting motion, deepening the connection and pushing you both toward the brink of ecstasy.

As the climax subsides, Chaewon collapses against you, her body seeking respite from the intense activity. In the aftermath of their passionate union, you find solace in each other's arms, reveling in the intimate aftermath of their wild desires. While the outside world may be a blur, within the sanctuary of their embrace, time stands still, allowing them to bask in the euphoria of their shared experience.

"Hey, Chaewon-ah, you need to get the final touches done on your makeup. The stage is waiting, and we don't have all day," you call out to her, reluctantly untangling yourselves from the embrace. She nods, understanding the urgency, and hops off your lap to fix herself up and look somewhat presentable. But deep down, you both know that this little intermission is just a temporary break from the heat.

Before she leaves the stall, Chaewon turns to you with a mix of guilt and determination etched on her face. "Sorry, Alpha, I should've been more careful. I promise this won't happen again," she says, her voice filled with unwavering loyalty. With that, she heads out, leaving you to deal with the aftermath.

You pull up your pants, only to realize they're damp and clingy from your wild encounter. Letting out a sigh, you reach for your phone and dial your secretary's number, requesting a fresh pair of pants. It's just one of those things you have to deal with when you're in charge, right?

As you change into the new pants, your mind drifts to the seating area in front of the stage. How the hell did you end up in this situation? Well, long story short, you're the Alpha of a kickass werewolf pack. Yeah, that's right. Being an Alpha comes with a truckload of responsibilities, especially when your pack is filled with other alphas. But thanks to your impressive power and leadership skills, they all agreed that you're the top dog.

Werewolves have a longer lifespan than humans, so you've had to adapt to human society over time. And to keep the pack fed and happy, you decided to start an entertainment company in South Korea. Who knew werewolves could rock the stage too, right?

Being an Alpha ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a juggling act of power, emotions, and keeping your pack in line. But here you are, taking your seat, ready to witness the magic unfold on the stage.

The electrifying performance of Unforgiven by Lesserafim left the audience in awe, and you couldn't help but feel a surge of pride as they owned the stage. The thunderous applause and standing ovation were well-deserved, and once they made their way backstage, you followed suit.

Entering the room, you were greeted by a chorus of cheerful voices and friendly hugs. The pack members were buzzing with excitement, and Yunjin, the ever-enthusiastic werewolf with a personality like a golden retriever, couldn't contain her excitement. "Alpha, did you see how amazing we were? Was I a good girl?" she exclaimed, practically bouncing with anticipation.

Grinning, you playfully ruffled Yunjin's hair. "You were all fantastic. Of course, you were a good girl, Yunjin-ah," you praised, earning a wag of her metaphorical tail and a beaming smile.

Directing your attention to Chaewon, you couldn't resist a teasing remark. She looked at you with apologetic eyes, seeking solace in the company of Kazuha, a docile alpha who always seemed to defy expectations. Finding amusement in the situation, you couldn't help but say, "Unlike you, Chaewon Unnie," which caused her to hide behind Kazuha, clinging to her for support.

Yunjin, ever the innocent soul, seemed perplexed by the exchange. "But Alpha, Chaewon Unnie did great on stage," she innocently pointed out. Before you could respond, Sakura chimed in with a mischievous laugh, shedding light on the situation. "Chaewon forgot her suppressants, and well, it's that time of the month. That's why Kazuha is covering her nose like someone let out a real stinker," Sakura explained, followed by laughter from the group.

Yunjin's innocent remark unintentionally tugged at Chaewon's heartstrings, her heightened sensitivity due to the heat making her teary-eyed. Stepping away from Yunjin, you approached Chaewon, a tender touch caressing her cheek. "Hey, I was just teasing, princess. No need to be sad," you reassured her, pulling her into a comforting hug. "I'm right here for you, don't worry."

As the day's events concluded and the girls changed out of their stage outfits, you all hopped into the car for the drive back to the pack's mansion. It was a bit of a trek from the city, but you didn't mind the distance. Chaewon and Yunjin nestled close to you, seeking comfort during the ride. Chaewon ended up dozing off on your shoulder, while Yunjin took a nap on the other side. It was a peaceful journey, with Eunchae and Sakura also catching some sleep.

"Kazuha, you look kinda out of it. Everything alright?" you asked, glancing over at her with concern.

She let out a tired sigh. "Just exhausted from the busy schedule, and being near Chaewon during her heat is adding to the mental strain," she replied, rubbing her temples. You understood the struggle of controlling one's urges around an alluring werewolf in heat.

"Well, hang in there, angel. We're almost home, and once we're there, you can relax. No more promotions for a while," you reassured her, hoping to lighten her burden.

The car rolled to a stop at the pack's grand mansion, a place that served as both a residence and a base for operations. You gently woke Chaewon and Yunjin, prompting Yunjin to groggily make her way to her room to continue snoozing. The rest of the pack followed suit, but Chaewon clung to your side, unwilling to part ways.

"Hey, don't you wanna catch some sleep, princess?" you asked, raising an eyebrow. Chaewon shook her head, giving you a puppy-eyed look that was hard to resist. "Can I stay with you, Alpha? Cuddle a bit, maybe?" she requested, her gaze filled with longing.

"Sure thing, let's head on in," you agreed, scooping her up in your arms. Walking together towards your room, you set her down on the bed and took a moment to change out of your suit. When you returned, Chaewon was zoned out, staring at the doorway.

"You wanna change, princess? It's gonna be tough to sleep in those clothes," you suggested, motioning to her attire. However, you held onto her hand before she could step out, stopping her. "No need to go all the way to your room. Just grab something from my closet," you offered, a playful grin on your face.

With a shy nod, Chaewon disappeared into the walk-in closet while you settled onto the bed, scrolling through your phone. Moments later, she emerged wearing nothing but your shirt, which practically swallowed her up. She looked incredibly cute in it, tempting you to pull her close and steal a kiss. Chaewon padded over to the bed and settled down beside you, cuddling up. It was a relaxed and cozy atmosphere, the perfect end to a long day.

*****

You were awoken by a sudden wet feeling, wondering what happened. You down to notice that the source of the wet feeling was none other than Chaewon. When she noticed you, she met your eyes with such innocent ones, like she wasn’t doing anything wrong. With how cute she looked, you didn’t have the heart to tell her to stop and it wasn’t like you weren’t enjoying what she was doing. She was exceptional at giving head, playing with her hair you throw your head back in pleasure. “Oh yeah, that’s it, Princess, keep going deeper.”

Following your instructions Chaewon goes deeper, reaching the back of her throat, to increase the pleasure you push her head toward your crotch but stop when you feel Chaewon tap your thighs, letting fo she takes a deep breath.

“Princess, come here and give me a kiss,” Chaewon obeys, her thighs on each side of your body, she leans down and kisses you. The kiss was full of lust and longing, Chaewon’s hands exploring every inch of you while your hands explored every inch of her.

Their lips parted, leaving a trail of desire and aching need. The air crackled with anticipation as Chaewon's gaze locked with yours, her eyes smoldering with a fiery passion.

“What is it that you want princess?” you tease, though you know exactly what it is. Chaewon turns away from you and mumbles “I need you, alpha.”

Holding her chin you turn her toward you, “You have to be more clear, princess, what exactly do you want your alpha to do you.” “Alpha, I need you to fuck me, use me how you want! Break my mind with pleasure, make sure that the only thing I can think about is your huge alpha cock,” Chaewon said her voice getting louder and harsher.

You smile at her and slowly insert 1 finger into her sloppy pussy, earning a moan from her which soon turns into a whine, “Alpha, don’t tease please, I don’t want your fingers! Please fuck me with your cock I beg you!”

"Princess," you whispered huskily, your voice laced with desire. " I want to taste every inch of you, feel your body surrendering to mine."

Chaewon's breath hitched, and her cheeks flushed with a mixture of anticipation and vulnerability. Her hands trembled as they traced the contours of your chest, leaving a trail of electrifying sensations in their wake.

"Alpha," she murmured, her voice a mere whisper. "Take me. Make me yours."

You couldn't deny the plea in her voice, the urgent longing that mirrored your own. The hunger between you intensified, an unspoken promise of ecstasy waiting to be fulfilled.

With a swift motion, you flipped her onto her back, positioning yourself above her. The world around you faded into oblivion as you leaned in, your lips hungrily seeking hers once more. The taste of her was intoxicating, igniting a fire within you that threatened to consume everything in its path.

Your hands roamed freely, exploring every curve and dip of her body, igniting sparks of pleasure with each touch. Chaewon's moans mingled with your own as the boundaries of time and space blurred, lost in the dance of passion and desire.

In that moment, there was only the two of you, entwined in a symphony of raw emotion and unspoken promises. Every touch, every caress, sent shivers down your spine, building the tension to unbearable heights.

"Master," she gasped, her voice filled with a mixture of longing and urgency. "I need you now."

A smile tugged at the corner of your lips, savoring the anticipation that hung in the air. You positioned yourself, slowly inserting it, her moans got louder, and her nails clawed at your back to help deal with the pain. “Oh my god, it feels so good, alpha,” Chaewon manages to say in between her moans. As you bottomed out in her, you let her adjust, leaning down to kiss her.

Once you felt her relax a little, you began moving slowly, making sure to not hurt her but that changed when Chaewon said “Is this the best you can do, alpha,” this flipped a switch in your mind. Picking up the pace, you pounded into her like a battering ram, Chaewon’s moans turned into screams of pleasure. Her pussy tightened around you, signaling that she was close to her orgasm.

“I-i am going to c-cum, yes! Right there alpha, fuck! It feels so fucking good,” Chaewon’s back curved in anticipation of an orgasm but you denied her of it when you pulled out.

“No-no, alpha put it back please I need to cum, please let me cum, Alpha I beg you!” Chaewon pleaded with you, her mind and body were going desperate for pleasure.

“Only good girls get to cum and princess you have been a very bad girl,” you tease her, using your dick to flick her clit.

“Please please please alpha, I will be a good girl, I will do anything that you want, so I beg you please make me cum” Chaewon screams, getting more and more desperate. Knowing she can’t hold on any longer you put it back in one go without a warning causing her to yelp and start pounding.

“Oh my fucking god, it feels so amazing to be filled by your cock alpha,” Chaewon continued to mumble incoherent things, her brain melting from pleasure. “Alpha, going to cum, can princess cum please!”

“Go ahead princess, cum all over my cock like the fucking slut you are,” with your permission, she lets go and cums, her pussy gushes all over your cock, her eyes rolled to the back of her head, and her legs trembling.

Chaewon looked completely spent but you decided that it wasn’t over, before she can calm down from the brain-shattering orgasm she just had, you stimulate her clit and start pounding her again, the pleasure now multiplied.

“No, Alpha, no, too much, please… stop. YOU WILL BREAK ME, PLEASE NOO,” she was responding very well to the overstimulation her pussy was clamping down around you like there was no tomorrow. The tightness drove you closer to your orgasm.

“Chaewon-ah, I am going to cum, where do you want it?” You ask as the pounding continues. “Inside- do it inside please, cum inside me. I need your cum inside me alpha,” Chaewon manages to say.

Her permission was all you needed, after a few more thrusts you unload your seed deep inside Chaewon. “Fuck! Take all of it, Princess, don’t waste a single drop,” after coming down from the high of your orgasm, you lie down next to Chaewon. She is still recovering from the overstimulation. Pulling her into a tight embrace you whisper “Such a good girl, you did an amazing job, Princess, I am so proud of you.”

As the night embraced the lovers, a sense of tranquility settled upon their intertwined bodies. Chaewon, nestled in your arms, radiated an ethereal beauty even in her slumber. The moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow upon her peaceful face.

With gentle strokes, you caressed her back, tracing the contours of her delicate form. The touch of your fingertips against her warm skin elicited a subtle shiver, awakening a dormant desire within you.

Lost in the labyrinth of your thoughts, you leaned in and placed a tender kiss upon her forehead, a gesture laced with unspoken affection and adoration. Chaewon stirred slightly, a contented sigh escaping her parted lips.

"Sleep well, Princess," you whispered your voice a soothing melody in the hushed darkness.

As the night deepened, the rhythmic rise and fall of Chaewon's breathing serenaded your senses, creating a symphony of intimacy that resonated within your very core. Her slumber was a testament to the trust she placed in your arms, an unwavering surrender.

*****

As the morning light filtered through the office windows, you found yourself buried in a mountain of paperwork. It was a never-ending battle against the endless forms and contracts that seemed to multiply overnight. Sighing, you longed for a brief respite from the monotony.

Just when you thought the day couldn't get any duller, a soft knock on the door startled you. Chaewon stood there, her eyes filled with a mix of innocence and mischief. She had a way of brightening up even the dullest moments.

"Hey, princess, what brings you here?" you greeted her, a playful grin tugging at the corners of your lips.

With a shy smile, she stepped into the room, and before you knew it, she had settled herself on your lap. The unexpected closeness sent a jolt of excitement through you, breaking the monotony of the office.

As you tried to focus on the task at hand, Eunbi barged in, ready to spill some important info. But her alpha instincts kicked in, and she couldn't help but catch a whiff of Chaewon's pheromones.

"You didn't take your suppressants, did you, Chaewon?" Eunbi asked her tone a mix of concern and authority.

Chaewon's voice wavered as she confessed, "I forgot, Eunbi-unnie."

Eunbi's gaze bore into Chaewon, her words carrying a warning. You knew the pack's rules all too well, and consequences were a part of the deal. It was a delicate balance between love and discipline.

Chaewon's grip on your arm tightened, and you couldn't help but feel protective. Eunbi handed her the suppressants, a tangible reminder of the responsibility she held as an omega within the pack.

With a mixture of resignation and determination, Chaewon obediently took the offered suppressants, her eyes never leaving yours. It was a silent promise, a commitment to control the wild flames that burned within her.

The office fell into a hushed pause, the air thick with unspoken tension. But amidst the lingering scent of desire, you remained a beacon of support and understanding.

As the day continued, the mundane tasks blurred into the background, and you found solace in Chaewon's presence on your lap.

The rest of the day goes by with you getting work done and Chaewon clinging to you, and from the looks of it, Chaewon’s heat might end tomorrow because of the suppressants.

****

Chaewon had fallen asleep in your arms again, but this time there weren’t any extracurricular activities. Both your slumber was interrupted by none other than Kwon Eunbi, she barged into the room. “Eunbi-ah, what are you doing here so early,” you questioned.

“Oppa, first of all, it's noon, I woke you up because Chaewon needs to be punished today, her heat ended and she needs to be taught a lesson,” Eunbi said with a smirk and winks at you. You always found it funny how Eunbi loved punishing I*zone girls when they broke the rules.

“Alright, let’s get this done with,” You say, picking up Chaewon to take her to the basement where the punishment room is located.

You followed Eunbi as she weaved through the halls until you ended up in front of the punishment room. This was going to be Chaewon’s first time in the punishment room.

he heavy metal door creaked open, revealing the dimly lit punishment room. Its cold, sterile atmosphere sent a shiver down Chaewon's spine, her eyes widening in both anticipation and trepidation. She clutched onto you, seeking solace in your presence, her voice trembling with a mix of fear and pleading.

"Alpha, please be gentle," she implored, her eyes filled with an undeniable mix of innocence and desire. "I won't break the rules ever again."

Your heart clenched at the vulnerability in her voice, your protective instincts kicking in. With a nod, you tried to convey a sense of reassurance, hoping to temper her fears. But all reassurance faded into thin air as Chaewon's gaze fell upon Eunbi's face—the face of the one who delighted in enforcing discipline upon the I*zone girls.

Eunbi's smirk widened, a mischievous glint dancing in her eyes. She thrived on these moments, relishing the power and control she wielded. It was a game they played, a dance of dominance and submission. And in this twisted ballet of pleasure and discipline, Chaewon was about to take her first steps.

Taking a deep breath, you carried Chaewon further into the room, its cold air wrapping around you like a sinister embrace. Eunbi followed close behind, her presence a constant reminder of the impending punishment.

The room was adorned with various restraints and devices, each designed to both heighten sensations and test limits. It was a place where boundaries were pushed, where pleasure and pain intertwined. As you settled Chaewon onto a padded surface, her eyes darted nervously around the room, taking in the tools that would soon be employed upon her.

Eunbi's voice cut through the silence, her tone dripping with calculated dominance. "Chaewon, my sweet, you will learn the consequences of breaking the rules," she purred, her gaze locking onto Chaewon's with an intensity that sent a shiver down both your spines.

Chaewon's breath hitched, her body tense with a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. But amidst it all, there was a flicker of something else—excitement, a desire to surrender to the sweet agony that awaited her.

With a steady hand, you reached out to caress Chaewon's cheek, your touch both comforting and electrifying. "Princess, trust me," you whispered, your voice laced with a blend of tenderness and authority. "This is a lesson you won't forget."

To Be Continued

#izone chaewon #kim chaewon #miyawaki sakura #kwon eunbi

483 notes · View notes

laughhardrunfastbekindsblog · 3 months

Text

I Thought It Was Obvious: Taking a Closer Look at Tech's Character Development and Journey

I had been debating with myself since the middle of season 3 whether to outline the development of each of the main characters - and then a random online comment (with upvotes, no less) gave me the motivation I needed to do it for Tech 😂 (no but seriously, I thought Tech's development was obvious!) What I had originally planned as being a brief summary rapidly ballooned into a roughly 6500-word essay, so... apologies in advance 😬 I do include pictures here because, well, it's Tech! 😍

Before we begin, a few points about how character development can take place within a story, and the difference between character development versus character arcs.

Sometimes, character development occurs as a character discovers something new or different about themselves – a hidden talent, a new priority, etc. – or follows a certain trajectory to develop toward or away from traits that have been established. This is the most easily recognized type of development and typically directly informs the character’s arc. (Examples: Omega’s compassion is established early on, and we see this continue deepening and developing to where it becomes one of her defining personality traits, strong enough to impact even Crosshair’s trajectory. We also see Omega’s initial uncertainty and naivete fade away into independence and confidence as the show progresses.) Other times, character development is less about the character themselves changing (or not), and more about our (as the audience) understanding of the character changing as new information comes to light or we see the character in various circumstances. This information doesn’t actually change the character’s traits or actions up to that point, but rather adjusts OUR perception of the character. (Example: discovering that Crosshair’s chip had been removed before the season 1 finale. Crosshair is still Crosshair, his actions and traits are exactly the same as they have been presented, but our perception of those actions/traits is altered as we grapple with the knowledge that Crosshair is choosing the Empire of his own accord and we come to realize that some of his previous actions were not influenced by the chip. Another example: Tech himself explains how he processes change and emotions in “The Crossing.” There is no real difference in how he processes these things now compared to before, but our perception of Tech may shift as this element of his personality is granted additional clarity.)

Also note that character development can be distinct from a character arc. There are many well-developed, fleshed-out characters with rich backstories and intricate motivations and desires who don’t have a defined journey within a certain story, usually because they are secondary characters - Phee, Mayday, and even Rex are just a few examples in this particular show taken in isolation from other stories (and yes I’m being super specific here so it's clear why I’m including Rex on this list!). Despite what seems to be popular belief, however, every one of the titular/main characters – including Tech – has both development and an arc (and it’s not a flat arc, either).

So, with all that being said, let's get down to it!

This analysis is split up into three parts. Part 1 covers Tech’s baseline characteristics and personality that are established early on in the show and are reinforced (developed) throughout the story as he consistently leans into those baseline traits. Part 2 dives into how some of Tech’s baseline traits and the beliefs/perceptions that inform those traits subtly shift over the course of the show. Part 3 offers a discussion of how the interplay between some of Tech’s traits remaining stable while others change over time informs his character arc.

Part 1: Characteristics, personality, skills, and relationships that are reinforced and strengthened over the course of the show.

Part 1a. I find it fascinating how thoroughly our initial introductions to Clone Force 99 – an introduction I consider to be comprised of both the Bad Batch story in The Clone Wars and the premiere of Bad Batch – establishes the baseline personalities of each of our main characters. In this section, I first provide examples from the two introductory stories that establish a certain trait, and then provide select examples from the remainder of the show that reiterate these traits as part of Tech’s characterization. (Note: this is not an exhaustive list of examples.)

He has an “exceptional mind,” though he is not infallible.

INTRO: He is the technology/decryption guy, of course. He also fluently pronounces other languages and therefore can act as a translator. He makes split-second calculations to aid Crosshair with identifying targets. While Hunter gently pokes fun at the sheer breadth of what he calls Tech’s “useless information,” Tech does have the information and uses it to the team’s advantage - including knowing the basics of the Poletecs on Skako Minor and (as mentioned above) even being able to fluently pronounce their language. His fascination with recording everything indicates his curiosity and love for learning. He reprograms a battle droid and uses it to the squad’s advantage – and the battle simulation isn’t the first time he has done so. And he almost immediately recognizes several key differences between the operations of the Republic versus the newly-formed Empire.

OTHER: He figures out how to forge chain codes even when the Empire itself has just barely rolled them out. He knows how to scramble a ship’s signature (which is implied even in Rebels to not be common knowledge). He builds a brain scanner from scratch, which is shown to work accurately once Rex shows up and Tech finally has the comparative data needed to finish the scanner. He is the first to infer that Ryloth is under military occupation despite not being a Separatist planet. He researches the irlings after he finally knows what they are (no thanks to Cid) and comes up with a plan to handle them. Not only is he fascinated by the Zillo beast, he also pieces together that the Empire is seeking to control all cloning operations and that the Zillo can be weaponized in the hands of the right scientist. Note that he is not infallible – for example, he can sometimes get thrown off with his plans when he doesn’t have accurate data (such as when he attempts to use clone codes in the installation on Daro), and Crosshair frequently outmaneuvers him since Crosshair knows the squad’s playbook – but his success rate is such that he is not overstating things when he says “I am seldom wrong.”

He is what some might call “socially awkward,” others might identify as “autistic.”

(I am not autistic myself nor am I a psychologist, so “socially awkward” is the term that came to my mind when first describing Tech after watching his introduction in The Clone Wars. After reading others’ reasons as to why they see Tech as an autistic-coded character, I am very much inclined to agree with this description as well.)

INTRO: Upon being introduced to new regs, Tech opens with an unsolicited info dump, then spends the majority of the time looking at his data pad. He tries to stop Crosshair and Wrecker from getting into a physical fight with the regs, but is not nearly as successful as Hunter is. He seems slightly uncomfortable when Rex puts a hand on his shoulder. He is brutally honest about his opinions as he outright tells Rex and even Echo that there was some doubt over Echo’s loyalties, and he clearly is bothered by what appears to be most regs’ attitude toward his squad (especially as seen on Kamino), yet he also doesn’t initiate any conflict with the regs. Even with his own squad, with whom he is the most comfortable, he doesn't always pick up on social cues that sometimes inform the flow of conversations - he occasionally leaves out details (“I thought it was obvious”) or perhaps unnecessarily zeroes in on a given topic.

OTHER: Given that we primarily see Tech interact with his own siblings, his behavior around others who are not of his squad stands out. When first introduced to Phee, his pattern remains similar to what it was with the regs on Anaxes: when not startled into prattling on about tangential topics, he stays engrossed in his data pad. Even as his relationship with Phee deepens, there are some circumstances - such as goodbyes - where Tech seems at a total loss as to what to say and do (“Do you require a briefing?”). With Romar, Tech maintains professional detachment until Romar broaches a topic that piques Tech's curiosity. With his own squad, his communication style sometimes leads to exasperation from his brothers (read: Hunter on comms). He also takes Omega at her word when she says she wants to be left alone while they are stuck in the cave, and has to be prodded by Wrecker and Hunter that, actually, he needs to go talk to her.

He is pragmatic in terms of considering the squad's needs first, and approaches relationships, major events, and decisions from a logical/rational standpoint, taking in different sides and looking at the bigger picture (which makes sense considering how frequently he engages in risk assessment/cost-benefit analysis).

INTRO: While he may not agree with the Empire, he does take into account the official line that Palpatine’s actions were a “defensive measure” as a result of the reported Jedi assassination attempt. When he takes an interest in something/someone, he studies/analyzes them - including Omega (ex: scanning her genetic profile while they are waiting for Echo to recover after the mess hall fight).

OTHER: Not only is he the first to point out the fact that they are deserters after fleeing Kamino (and citing this as a reason to trust Cut), he is also the first to point out that the squad will need to fend for themselves and acquire their own supplies after defecting. When it’s a question over whether to take on a “side quest,” Tech brings up the squad’s physical/material needs for consideration. After Crosshair turns on the squad, Tech doubles down on learning more about the inhibitor chips in order to prove his theories. He disapproves of slavery but also shows equal relief that they will be getting paid for freeing “Muchi.” He describes the war like reciting a textbook definition: “A primary mission objective comprised of battles on various fronts.” He takes the stance on Serreno that, even without the war chest, they “are no worse off than [they] were before.” He explains to Omega that while he does “feel” change, he “cares” about it by contextualizing it as a “fundamental part of life.” He keeps the squad’s safety as his top priority and suggests a “diplomatic approach” to cutting ties with Cid given what she knows about them. He points out to Saw the strategic disadvantages of blowing up Tarkin’s base simply for the sake of, well, sticking it to the Empire.

He is (unintentionally) hilarious with a great sense of dry, blunt, situational humor.

I’m just going to let some of his own words speak for themselves here:

INTRO: “Hopefully not mental, clearly we would never pass that.” “Careful, Wrecker, your programming is kicking in.”

OTHER: “Found her,” he says nonchalantly to Echo, pointing to Omega running across an off-limits dock while in possession of forged chain codes. “It’s not affecting life support. We’re fine.” “That’s not her ugly side?” “Yes, your dangerous and uncontrolled maneuvering is as confusing to them as it is to us.” “It is an unscheduled study break.” “If I am incorrect, we will instantly be sucked out and perish. I am seldom wrong.” “You sound surprised.” “With a few repairs, it will be a slightly operational heap of junk.” “I will note the date and time to commemorate such a momentous occasion.” “The collision alarms haven’t gone off once,” Omega says, to which Tech replies, “Because it shorted out during your last lesson.” “Now that is not what it is called, but I rather like it. I suggest you proceed before I come to my senses.”

He has physical/warrior skills at least equal to a standard trained Fett clone (and often superior).

Given that Tech easily keeps up with his brothers and matches almost all of their skills (with, perhaps, the exception of Wrecker’s) during every single mission, I’m just pointing out the highlights.

INTRO: He carries Echo up through a ventilation shaft without breaking a sweat. When he’s not holding a data pad with one hand, he’s wielding double blasters.

OTHER: He shows off his piloting skills with the Marauder on Ryloth and Daro, and the transferability of his skills when hijacking and piloting both the speeder and the escape pod in the Coruscant shipyard in “Truth and Consequences.” He shows his stamina and physical strength when fighting off troops on Serreno despite his broken femur (as a physical therapist I cannot overstate how incredible of a feat this is – especially since this wasn’t some hairline fracture, his femur was crushed. Disclaimer: do NOT try this at home; if your femur is broken, please seek immediate medical attention!). He also easily takes over from Wrecker in carrying the ipsium case on Ipsidon.

He is a calculated risk-taker – a skill he puts to use primarily for the sake of his squad.

INTRO STORY: Our earliest version of “I thought it was obvious” comes when Tech is asked how the team is supposed to get on the keeradaks, and Tech replies matter-of-factly: “How else? We jump.”

OTHER: He takes the risks of first collapsing the deck to escape Crosshair’s ambush on Bracca, and then blowing up the ion engine for the squad to escape incineration. He wants his (and the squad’s) skills to be utilized to their full potential, but he also wants to know what he’s getting into (as evidenced by his requesting more information from Cid before the events on Safa Toma Speedway, and his frequent comments that Cid rarely gives them complete intel). He enters a riot race – and wins – in order to extricate the squad from being at the mercy of Millegi. On Ipsidon, his primary concern is less about having the ipsium simply to fulfill the mission for Cid and more about making sure they don’t all blow up. And on Eriadu, as always, he does what is required to keep the squad safe, including not hesitating to go out on the rail line to reboot the power, and this before sacrificing himself to give the others the chance to escape.

He is confident in his abilities and remains calm under pressure.

INTRO: “I do have a brilliant idea!” Tech immediately says when Crosshair and Wrecker are dangling off a support beam and they are all surrounded by droids. He smiles a bit as he references his own “exceptional mind.”

OTHER: When asked if he can forge chain codes, Tech replies, “I only learned of them moments ago, but yes.” “Of course I can do it,” he says about scrambling the Marauder’s signature. “I can do both,” he says, cool as a cucumber in the middle of a riot race, in reference to analyzing the track schematics while focusing on not getting injured. Tech himself recognizes this trait, referencing his own “ability to think clearly in stressful situations,” but he isn’t arrogant or condescending in saying so – he’s just right.

He has a moral compass and follows it. And even considering his pragmatism that focuses on the squad, it doesn't take much to nudge him toward choosing “the greater good” that will help others over the course of action that will more likely provide resources for the squad alone.

INTRO: He quickly identifies major differences between the Republic and the new Empire. The “systematic termination of the Jedi” bothers him enough that he shows no hesitation in joining Hunter and the others as they break away from the Empire. He also shows no hesitation in following Hunter’s lead by leaving the insurgents on Onderon alone and then returning for Omega – indeed, he even questions Crosshair for having a problem with it.

OTHER: Tech mentions the squad split from the Empire because of a “fundamental difference in ideology,” and these “fundamental differences” continue to be emphasized as Tech (along with most of his brothers) clearly disapprove of the Empire’s actions on Raxus and Ryloth, Kamino and Kashyyyk, the Empire’s treatment of clones in general, and the tactic that Tech spells out as being similar to Mokko’s operation on Ipsidon – “using power and means as leverage over [their] workers.” One example that illustrates his willingness to be nudged into “the greater good:” when Trace reveals why she and Rafa wanted the tactical droid’s intel, we linger on Tech’s reaction to this information, which to me indicates that Tech is likely the one who convinces Hunter to give the data rod with the droid’s intel to the Martez sisters. And, while Tech always speaks to material practicality when Hunter needs to decide between missions, when the decision is made to do more to help, Tech goes all in.

Above all, Tech loves his family, is loyal to them, and, in his own way, prioritizes them above all else.

This leads us into Part 1b: TECH’S EARLY RELATIONSHIPS

In this section I’ll be summarizing Tech’s relationships with his brothers. Other relationships, including that which he builds with Omega, will be covered in Part 2.

It should come as no surprise that Tech loves his family dearly, and – like any of his brothers – he was willing to lay down his life for the squad from the moment we first met him. He works seamlessly with his squad in The Clone Wars, he instantly jumps in to back up his team during the mess hall fight in “Aftermath,” and just a few examples of the ways he looks out for his family are already outlined above. Let’s take a look at the differences in his relationships with each of his brothers:

Hunter: Clone Force 99 may be deviant and have no qualms about disobeying orders; but when it comes to having Hunter as a leader, Tech is a devoted follower. Given that Tech certainly has a mind and standards of his own, the fact that Tech so loyally follows Hunter’s lead is as much a testament to Hunter’s strong and thoughtful leadership and moral code as it is to Tech’s character. Tech openly shares his opinions, knowledge, and plans with Hunter; but whatever Hunter decides, Tech will follow through. We see this when Tech looks to Hunter for verification before jumping to hyperspace from Bracca and before acting on Senator Singh’s suggestion on Raxus, and when Tech hesitates but still follows Hunter’s order to leave him behind on Daro. Of note, even though the entire squad decides they want to go after the war chest on Serreno, they (and Tech) wait until Hunter gives in before proceeding. And, exasperated though Hunter may sometimes get with Tech, Hunter deeply trusts and relies on his brother, and frequently adopts his intel and plans.

Echo: Tech and Echo strike me as besties who frequently annoy each other (let’s face it, Echo is the one who’s annoyed most of the time). Tech was more than willing to help save Echo’s life (indeed, he ensured it by being the one who safely disconnected Echo from the experimental equipment and carried him through the ventilation shaft), but when it came to Echo participating in combat Tech still had doubts about Echo’s loyalty; however, once Echo had proven himself to be a loyal brother in battle, Tech was open and welcoming of the idea of Echo joining the squad (lest there be any doubt: Tech smiles at Echo after the invitation to join Clone Force 99 is extended. Enough said). When it comes to advising Hunter, Tech and Echo tend to serve as foils: Tech offers the more practical, squad-first side, while Echo pushes for the do more/do better, “greater good” side. The two of them frequently work closely together as their skill sets complement each other; and, while Echo bluntly calls out Tech as much as any of the other members of the squad when a plan goes awry, Echo clearly trusts Tech’s plans and skills. In turn, Tech shares his own viewpoints with Echo and doesn't hesitate to call his brother out either (such as when Echo keeps complaining about helping Senator Singh); and it becomes clear early on that Tech misses Echo after his departure when it's revealed that Tech knows Echo's comm is disabled.

Wrecker: If we were to select two brothers with seemingly opposite personalities, Tech and Wrecker would be the most obvious choice. To put it in overly simple terms, Tech is the brain of the group, while Wrecker is the heart; and with any other characters this could be a recipe for relationship disaster. However, both brothers love each other enough and are both low-drama enough that the teasing and even straight-up disagreements never escalate to full blown arguments or grudges. Tech may suggest that Wrecker learn the hand signals and reiterate that he himself HAS memorized them, thank you very much; but he’ll quickly follow up with explaining the plan in terms he knows Wrecker will immediately recognize. Wrecker may tease Tech for not knowing the odds of escaping slavers and zone out when Tech attempts to explain himself; but when Tech tells Wrecker to fight a rancor to assert dominance, Wrecker is on it with no questions asked, and when Tech volunteers for a death race, Wrecker will be openly worried about him. The worst we see of them bickering with each other is when Tech is clearly affected by Echo’s departure but trying not to show it and therefore takes his irritation out on Wrecker, and even that friction quickly blows over, as Tech soon accepts some responsibility and Wrecker doesn’t hold a grudge.

Crosshair: we actually don’t get to see much of Tech and Crosshair directly interacting (cue me screaming into the void 😭💔), but the little we do see, along with snippets of information dropped throughout the show, paint a decent picture – mostly of Tech’s views of Crosshair. We see them fight seamlessly as a team in The Clone Wars, with Tech providing direction and targets for Crosshair and (one of my top favorite moments) casually tilting his head for Crosshair to steady the rifle on his shoulder. Months before Tech’s famous line that outright states how well he understands his brother, we see that Tech is the first to suspect something is actually off with Crosshair – long before the others really take note of Crosshair’s odd behavior, Tech is already closely eyeing Crosshair in the barracks – and that it might be due to the “programming;” he is the first to posit the idea the Crosshair’s behavior is due to the inhibitor chip; he respects Crosshair enough as a brother that he also respects Crosshair’s decision to stay with the Empire (even if Tech doesn’t agree with it); and he tells Phee about his absentee brother in a way that, while Crosshair’s “sparkling personality” is apparent, equally obvious is the fact that Tech considers Crosshair a friend/comrade (especially telling, considering that this conversation must have taken place before Tech discovered Crosshair had turned on the Empire). And, while we never get an on-screen depiction of Crosshair’s reaction to Tech’s death nor do we get much closure on this point (cue me screaming into the void again 😭💔😭💔), Crosshair’s infamous line in the finale reads to me as Crosshair desperately missing his brother and feeling his absence, if not also feeling some measure of (undeserved) guilt over Tech’s death. So, Tech and Crosshair worked well together within the group, Tech strove to understand Crosshair’s nature and how it informed his decisions, and Tech loved his brother enough to push for a rescue mission when it became a real possibility that Crosshair might actually accept the squad’s help.

Part 2: Character perspectives and beliefs that shift over the course of the show.

As shown above, the show primarily leans in on and deepens traits and relationships Tech already has developed; and given that Tech is already the openminded, big-picture, practical, curious and always-learning genius of the squad, it might seem at first glance that the show slacks on letting him develop in the “new traits/hobbies/goals” department. But Tech gets development here as well, primarily through new relationships and situations that provide him with key paradigm shifts.

First and foremost, development occurs for Tech in the form of a growing relationship with a brand-new member of the team: Omega.

Omega endears herself to Tech as soon as she indicates that she wants to be associated with the group. However, Tech – like the rest of the squad – has to adapt and account for the presence of an untrained child on the team. Nowhere is this clearer than on Saleucami, when Tech’s seemingly seamless plan has clearly NOT factored in “child behavior" (and he still has a bit of a learning curve with children in general as, some time later on Ryloth, he states that Hera’s situation may not be dire as “children often overreact.”) However, Tech does adapt relatively quickly, and soon it is apparent he has adopted the “supportive but not overbearing older brother” role. He aligns more with Echo in recognizing Omega’s skills and putting them to good use while also expanding upon them. He rarely, if ever, voices any opposition to Omega being present on missions; and while he is rather less hyperfocused on Omega’s whereabouts than Hunter or even Echo are (how many times does Echo have to ask Tech “Where’s Omega?”), he still does everything he can to protect her – not least by ensuring she has all the knowledge she needs to excel as a cunning strategist and warrior. All the members of the squad train Omega in different areas, but Tech is Omega’s primary tutor and mentor of general and sundry topics, strict about keeping her focused on her studies but also recognizing when circumstances warrant “unscheduled study breaks” and readily allowing Omega to participate in the action, as well as acknowledging and implementing Omega’s ideas and suggestions during missions.

This new relationship opens the door to a key development for Tech. Omega's "We're more than [soldiers], we're a family" line seems to be the moment that shifts Tech toward considering his roles outside of the soldier paradigm. These clones had been raised as soldiers; it was all they ever knew, it was their very identity. They called each other "brothers," so to them, “squad” must equal “family” - the terms would be synonymous. And even as Tech was the first to state the obvious fact that they were deserters after “Aftermath,” he and the rest of the team continued acting as soldiers and functioning as a military unit – again, this being what they understood as “brothers” and “family.” Omega is the first to make a clear distinction between being a soldier (as part of a squad) and being a member of a family; and while Tech is initially thrown for a loop, I think this statement is what opens his eyes to the possibility that he and his brothers are and can remain a family, have roles and responsibilities, and apply their skills in ways other than being soldiers. And we see this shift come into play later as Tech reveals that he, like Hunter, wants to stay on Pabu to help the people rebuild: Tech, who had earlier indicated that he wanted his skills put to good use, is considering ways he can use his talents in roles outside of being a soldier operating in battles and conflicts.

Romar plays a small but distinct role in shifting Tech’s perspective on history, culture, and the impact of the war on the citizens of the galaxy. Recall that Tech had described the war to Omega as if reciting an encyclopedia entry, devoid of any thoughts on how the missions and battles may have had a personal/emotional impact, and initially views Romar’s data core as a “Separatist archive.” Romar, however, brings a much more personal approach to the effect of the war: he doesn't seem to care for politics either way, both the Separatist and the Republic (now Imperial) cause has exploited and destroyed Serreno, and he has no interest in treasure but rather in legacy, in the preservation of his culture and history, which existed before the war and - if Romar has anything to say about it - will exist after. And Tech is clearly touched by this perspective: he is thoughtful as he admits that he had never considered Serrenian culture outside of and apart from the Separatist/Republic debate, and the task of preserving even a slice of Serrenian history seems to become personal for him as he resolutely states, “Oh, I can handle that,” in reference to repairing the data core. Tech, who - like all the clones - has a war to thank for his very existence, and who has literally only ever known life within the framework of his role and working relationship with a military - either as a soldier or a deserter or a mercenary - sees the possibilities of life and tradition extending far beyond the narrow confines of war and conflict, thanks to Romar’s influence.

And then there's Phee, who unwittingly takes the lesson Tech had learned from Romar - history and culture doesn't have to be defined within the Separatist/Republic dichotomy - and expands it by teaching Tech to not brush off discarded and unknown items as “junk,” but rather to look at things with a different perspective and thereby find hidden treasures. Phee’s examination of “junk” materials yields the discovery of a compass that leads Tech and the squad to ancient wonders and new knowledge - and of course Tech’s “interest is certainly piqued.” She continues to gently shift Tech’s perspective by eventually revealing that her actual motivation as a “pirate” truly does lend credence to her being a self-described “liberator of ancient wonders,” and by prodding Tech into putting down the datapad long enough to enjoy a sunset. She goes the furthest in offering Tech and his family a life far separated from being soldiers by introducing them to a community, people who accept them without ultimately demanding that they remain soldiers, a place that welcomes people of all backgrounds and values their history. And, of course, she is the first to open up the possibility for Tech of developing a deep friendship with the distinct potential for romance.

And so, while Tech remains our logical, rational, socially awkward, self-confident, calm, curious, risk-taking warrior, these traits expand to include Tech assimilating and acting on new perspectives, ideas, and possibilities outside the rigid framework of a military identity.

Part 3: How Tech’s baseline personality and subsequent paradigm shifts inform his character arc.

There are diverse themes running through the show, but one theme stands out as a common thread that not only links Clone Force 99 to all the other clones and their plight, but also serves as the driving force behind the character arcs for most of the titular characters. Each character’s journey (Omega being the one exception) in this story revolves around each of them answering these questions:

“We were born and bred to be soldiers of the Republic. It is our entire identity, culture, and purpose. So what do we do when the Republic is no more, the war we were born for is over, and we face the possibility of being decommissioned? What are we if we are not soldiers?”

Crosshair’s arc is the most obvious as he goes from clinging so tightly to his identity as a soldier that he is willing to walk away from his family and throw in with the Empire, to eventually giving up the soldier life and retiring with his family on Pabu. Hunter’s and Echo’s arcs almost act as foils to Crosshair’s, but from different approaches: Echo deliberately chooses to stay in the fight and continues soldiering, but for a bigger cause he believes in and is one that aligns more closely with the ideals of the other members of his squad; whereas Hunter finds himself feeling that he needs to remain a soldier to protect his family from the Empire and has a difficult time letting go of that role even as other options open up to him, until the missions tragically lead to the loss of one of his brothers… and then he remains fighting as a soldier only long enough to recover what he can of his family and peripherally help Echo as needed.

Tech’s and Wrecker’s arcs are more subtle than those of their brothers, since these two are very much the “followers” in the group and seem content to continue following Hunter’s lead (especially since they agree with Hunter’s morals) and keep the squad intact as much as possible. But arcs they do have as their development leads to them individually answering the driving question of the show. Tech’s arc, of course, is tragically cut short before all the pieces can come to full fruition, but his trajectory has still taken him to where he is not exactly the same person he was when we first met him, even as his core personality has remained the same.

The squad splits apart in the first episode of the show as each one answers the question of what they will do when the Republic is no more. Tech won’t stay with the Empire since he recognizes early on that it very clearly isn’t the Republic and he doesn’t agree with the direction the Imperial ideology appears to be heading, and with this in mind he unquestioningly backs up Hunter.

Tech, Hunter, Wrecker, and Echo just as quickly find themselves adapting to new responsibilities as the protectors and caregivers of an adolescent clone who, unlike every other clone they have encountered, has not received military training (and doesn’t even know what dirt is). They can no longer “just” be an efficient elite military unit, knowing and trusting each other’s strengths and weaknesses so well that all they have to do is communicate a plan number before charging in with confidence; now, at the same time that they are grappling with Crosshair's departure, they have to learn the extent of Omega’s capabilities and take on the task of teaching and training her to be a part of the team, not only because she wants this, but because it is necessary for her very survival. As noted in previous sections, Tech – along with the others – adjusts relatively quickly and his relationship with Omega blossoms as he embraces his teaching role.

But, while one part of the driving theme - “What do we do when the Republic is no more, the war we were born for is over, and we face the possibility of being decommissioned” - is answered rather quickly, Tech’s answer to the rest of the question – “What are we if we are not soldiers” – is a slow burn. Why? Because being soldiers is so deeply ingrained into their identities that the squad quite literally knows nothing else, and therefore they continue acting and defining themselves relative to the “soldier” framework for months, even years: when they are not soldiers for a cause, they are soldiers who left a cause (deserters), or soldiers for hire (mercenaries). Even the teaching/mentoring role centers on training Omega to be a soldier.

And Tech doesn’t seem to mind sticking to a soldier-like role, even early on in season 2 when he begins to see the possibilities of life outside of being a soldier. This is understandable: the squad is stuck with Cid, who has absolutely no qualms about openly blackmailing them. Besides, Tech’s top priority is and always will be his family, and if continuing to act as a soldier is what keeps them alive and together, then Tech won’t even question it. But when a real opportunity comes to settle down with his squad – his family – into a purpose and place away from the soldier/mercenary life, Tech is one of the first to openly say that he wants to take it. He has been given a different perspective on what “family” can mean, and he quickly sees not only the opportunity for his sister to have friends “her own age and who don’t share her genetic profile,” but also the positive effect this has on her (“I have not heard her laugh like that in some time”). He recognizes that his intelligence and skills can be of value to a community that needs help rebuilding and recovering. He is clearly interested in spending more time with Phee (if anyone doubts this, I invite you to keep track of the number of times Tech smiles specifically at Phee in “Pabu”). After months/years of answering “What are we if we are not soldiers” with a matter-of-fact “The question is moot, because we are soldiers,” Tech now expresses interest in pursuing other roles and purposes on a long-term basis: “I am a soldier, AND I can be more.”

True to form, however, and emphasizing yet again that his family’s safety is Tech’s top priority, when it turns out Crosshair’s chosen path has landed him on the wrong side of the Empire, Tech will push for embarking on another mission for the sake of saving his brother. Tech may otherwise be content staying on Pabu and becoming something more than (or even in addition to) a soldier; but when his family’s wellbeing is on the line, Tech will fight.

And so, while Tech’s character arc is cut short before he can enjoy a life of retirement and newfound purpose with his family and friends on Pabu, the fact remains that Tech did indeed have a character arc in that he had answered the main questions of the show, he had made a choice and was well on his way to following through on that decision. The only consideration that pushed him back into the fight was the chance to bring Crosshair home.

I have said before that I don't consider Tech’s sacrifice as a defining part of his character arc, since this seems to imply that self-sacrifice was a trait Tech had ever struggled with and/or needed to develop. This implication, of course, is patently incorrect: Tech has demonstrated time and again that he will put himself at immense risk – including risk of death – to save his squad (indeed, the same could be said for every one of the Bad Batch members). What I will say here in reference to Tech’s sacrifice on Eriadu is that he died* to fulfill what he had already proven to be his first priority: save his family.

He died*, NOT because he couldn’t stop being a soldier – he had already decided he could be more than just a soldier, that was part of his arc – but because he was and always would be a brother.

*I put the asterisk by the word “died” because I will never stop holding out hope that someone of influence at Lucasfilm will take pity on us poor “please for the love of everything good in this world let Tech live!” souls and allow Tech to be brought back.

^(Also I'm including two more images because I can and because it's Tech 😍)

In summary: Tech’s character development primarily consists of the show re-emphasizing and bolstering his core character traits and relationships, while also subtly expanding his perspective of life outside of war and identity beyond being a soldier. To that end, Tech’s character arc involved him not only splitting from the Empire and becoming a devoted brother and teacher to Omega, but also ultimately deciding to pursue interests, roles, and relationships in addition to his soldier identity.

#the bad batch #star wars the bad batch #tbb tech #tbb analysis #give me time and more snacks and i could literally turn this into a thesis #welcome to another long winded analysis #hope you enjoyed your stay

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milkypompon · 4 months

Text

Chapter 3 | Pick Up

pairing: Marc Spector x Reader (implied Steven Grant x Reader, implied Jake Lockley x Reader)

summary: Even after a year living with Steven and Jake in the headspace, Marc struggles to quiet the buzzing chatter. He finds himself frequenting Coffee for Two, a place where brewing roasts fill the air and the cookies are as sweet as the barista.

this chapter: you finally receive a phone call...?

content: Mentions of Marc's past, plotty plot plot

wc: 2k+

a/n: I'm exploring the dynamic between the moon boys! Specifically on Steven and Jake's understanding of the system.

Moon Knight Masterlist || Main Masterlist

Coffee Doodles Masterlist

< Previous || Next >

–

Take it out of that pile of shit, Stevie.

“I won’t.”

Ay, do it before I sit your ass to the back.

Steven stares into the rubbish, listening to Jake’s half-hearted threats.

It didn’t matter if he tossed it into a trash compactor and cast it into the open sea, they both memorized the number on the cup.

How else could they have survived as Khonshu’s avatar?

The god spouted astronomical coordinate systems during missions, instead of cardinal directions. It was disrespectful of his domain to merely water down the night sky into four words or their combinations, according to the squawking bird.

Regardless, no point of direction from his alter or the moon god could shift his moral compass.

“I dare you, mate.”

Jake grumbles under his breath.

Neither of them liked to tug on the string that forced control over the body. They wouldn’t be any better than Khonshu rattling his wrapped talons over their lifeforce — a puppet at the hands of its master.

We’re allowed to live our own lives. Isn’t that what you wanted?

“This isn’t just about me anymore. Or just you for that matter.”

Once, Steven wanted nothing more than to free himself of the sleep-deprived nights and taste a drip of normalcy. He thought the only way to do that was to overcome whatever was going on in his head.

Egypt.

Khonshu.

The happenings in the Duat with Marc and Jake.

But now, his life, their life was more than that.

Steven was more than elated to discover support from a place he couldn’t even begin to fathom.

Finding a way for each of them to front was a balancing act through understanding. It isn’t created by compartmentalizing the week into color-coded days or agreeing to a first come first serve basis. Their system was far from perfect, but it was their’s.

Restraint was the seed of their problems, among other things, but the anxiousness of being confined (like they were in the sarcophagus) was something they couldn’t stomach.

An attempt to claw himself out would forego the delicate trust built on an unsteady foundation.

No more lies.

No more secrets.

And definitely, no more double duties.

“Besides, you said it yourself. We should live our own life. If either of us rings up the barista, despite all her loveliness, you’d be pretending to be Marc.”

Jake knew what was coming next. Don’t tell that story again–

Steven turns up his nose toward the reflection on the toaster. “Need I remind you, the last time you filled in my shoes, I ended up at a steakhouse for a date?”

You’re never gonna let me live that down, eh? At least it got you outta the stuffy museum for the night.

“Hmph, I’m never take dating advice from you, no matter how desperate I get.”

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures.

How about you take those pretty little fingers and pick up that damn cup! And use your other set of five to press the numbers into your phone.

Jake tended to spear-head ways to bring the out of their shell, it stemmed from years of hiding away. His actions came from good intentions, though the sentiments among the three weren’t always shared.

“Not gonna be late for my first day, you twat.”

Steven tugs the handles of the trash bag into a neat bow, double-knotting it to emphasize the point.

He chews the inside of his cheek. It’s been a day, but he still couldn’t feel Marc’s presence after retreating into the recesses of their mind. He’d be lying to himself if he said that things were a little easier this time around.

Despite going through hell and back (almost quite literally), maybe there would be a shared bonding experience that would lead them on the right track. But it always seemed like something veered them a little bit off-center. This time it wasn't a life-threatening mission...

Steven shrugs on his jacket and tinkers with the doorknob.

–

Since the last time Steven worked at the gift shop, he swears the British Museum didn’t sell the stone statues of the Ennead. (He wonders what else popped up during his absence). At least nine deities are behind the display case, instead of the misprinted eight on the poster.

How the toymakers laid their hands on strangely accurate models of the ushabtis is beyond him. It isn’t his problem anymore, the days of working inventory are over.

Whoever is responsible for the new figurines must be the same person who sorted out his new job. After the loo and jackal incident, he swore up and down that he blew the opportunity to become a tour guide.

He shoulders his bag and heads to the information desk, where a familiar blond sifts through papers.

Steven clears his throat. “Morning, Donna!”

“Stevie.” She peers up, a strained smile splitting her face, and hands him his nametag.

It doesn’t matter if she calls him the wrong name, nothing could take away the bubbling joy in his heart. He holds it in his two hands as if cradling a duckling.

Steven marvels at it briefly and smiles, noticing the engraved designs. He runs his thumb over it.

A scarab and a moon.

Layla must’ve put a good word in for him before she left for Egypt.

He clips it onto his breast pocket.

Steven Grant Tour Guide

Donna pipes up, “After you’re done ogling, group A is waiting up front. Speak up a bit for that bunch. Mostly grandparents looking for a day out.”

Steven weaves between visitors meandering through the halls before standing in front of about ten people. A few wandering eyes behind a pair of thick glasses are already looking past him and at the exhibit. Others are fidgeting with their canes.

“Hiya, there everyone! I’m Steven with V and’ll be your tour guide for the day.” He claps his hands with a bright smile.

Steven walks backward to face the group while explaining each artifact with animated hand gestures and fluctuating voice impressions. There are tidbits of information he sprinkles in pulled from personal encounters with the gods. But, he skirts around how the unfriendly croc wanted to consume the souls of the living.

The tour ends in a little under an hour, leaving enough wiggle room for a q and a portion. He rounds them up in front of a sectioned-off hall where they are free to discuss the pieces without the usual prattling of sugar-infested children.

“Anything you’d like to know more about off the top of your noggin?”

A shaky hand raises, a paper bracelet decorating the granny’s wrist.

People rarely asked questions, so Steven beams at the prospect of going off into another tangent with someone as captivated as he is in Egyptology.

“Yes, please! Go ahead.”

She smiles curiously and points to the unopened area of the museum. “What’s in there?”

“Ah, your guess is as good as mine. It’s my first day here so the curators haven’t filled me in on what’s going.”

“Could we take a peek?”

The hall isn’t open to the public for various reasons – there are fragile steles, brittle canopic jars, and parchment that resemble closer to dust than paper. Still, it tickled his fancy to be one of the first few people to check out the unearthed pieces.

He scratches the back of his neck. “The guided tour has ended, but feel free to stick around with me and the missus here if you’d like to look in.”

The group is seemingly uninterested, except for her. They disperse with an appreciative nod and head toward the exit.

“Well, aren’t you a sponge for knowledge!” Steven unclips the rope from the pole and ushers her inside. “Watch your step, might be bits and pieces of packing stuffs.”

Wooden crates line the walls along the respective categories of tools, ceremonial weapons, and non-utilitarian objects. The last are Steven’s particular favorite.

His eyes land on a slab of stone with carefully carved hieroglyphs. “This poem is dedicated to Hathor, the Goddess of Love. How lovely!”

It’s set inside a glass case, Marc stares back at him on the reflection with a slight frown, but it isn’t directed toward him.

Her hand sidles up to the barrier, Steven glances at the strip of paper around her wrist… it’s a hospital bracelet.

“Can the other two read this like you can?”

Steven’s mouth gapes open and before he can reply she recites the hieroglyphs to his (and Marc’s) surprise.

One plus one Equals two One for me And one for you

Frantic footsteps near them, J.B. sets the rope back in place and tuts. “Oy! That’s where you went off to. I couldn’t find you on the cams. Off you go, you two.”

Steven tucks his chin down, voice going into a low whisper. “Think the missus here got lost.”

“What’re you going on about–” J.B.’s gaze flits over to her.

He rolls his wrist to emphasize his point.

“Gotcha, I’ll call security. Can’t believe she’s back.”

“Back?” He whispers to himself, just barely catching J.B.’s last sentence.

Steven adds, “Heya, no need for a big fiasco. She’s a nice one.”

–

The chime of the entrance bell hasn’t rung all morning at Coffee for Two.

You gnaw at the end of your pencil in deep contemplation. Your decision darts between opening the shop to kill the boredom or listening to Nan about joining her for a break after she was given strict doctor’s orders for bed rest. Years of baking sweets and brewing coffee weren’t easy on her knees or head for that matter.

Either way, you were supposed to be on vacation, yet here you were working on a new bread recipe.

You worked around the clock before she practically forced you to hit the pause button. Even with the help of your part-timer, she couldn’t hold a candle to Nan’s experience with folding dough, piping frosting, and roasting beans.

Though sitting behind the counter were moments few and far between, you missed the daily hustle and bustle of serving the regulars who were often in pairs.

The gray hairs of a Mister and Missus would peek from the velvet couch as they dipped a biscotti into a dark roast. Or a budding romance between a young couple would lead to sharing an affogato by the wooden stools. You’d smile to yourself and throw in extra cookies for them, claiming that you miscalculated the measurements and made more than usual.

You aren’t a stranger to the coffee shop meet-cute. It happens often enough to warrant the thought of writing a collection of romance novels.

Between work… and work, there wasn’t much time to do anything else.

The tangents meet when Marc showed up.

At the right moment and time.

You flinch when your phone plays a jingle, fumbling to grab it and pressing the green button.

“Hello?”

–

When you prayed to any god listening about receiving a call out of sheer boredom, you didn’t expect a call from the Royal London Hospital. You gripped your phone waiting for the nurse’s message.

“This is the number we had on file in case of emergencies.”

“Yeah, yes. That’s me, I’m her granddaughter.”

“We’d like to inform you that she’s left the premises… again”

“Left the– Bloody hell! You could’ve started with that! You would think after the first time, you’d keep a closer eye on her, eh?” You accidentally bite your tongue after hurtling word after word at the nurse.

“We’re not responsible for the patient who’s left the area. But, we–”

“Tried?” You make your way out of the coffee shop, nudging the door close with your hip. “Yeah, like the first two times? Third time’s a fucking charm. You better hope she’s at the same place as last time.”

A call from another line intercepts your current one.

“Uh, hello, Miss!” A light voice chirps from the other side. “We’ve got a bit of a situation at the British Museum.”

You groan inwardly, she was there again. No wonder why the incoming number was familiar. (Not that you were expecting an unknown one from a particular curly-haired regular...)

“Did you find Nan?”

“If you mean the nice granny with the dangly bracelet, then it’s safe to say, yes.”

“Did she– Is she okay?”

He chirps, “Oh yes, mhm! No need to worry, we’re sat down together.”

“Good, okay. Thank you, by the way, uh…”

“Oh bollocks, forgot to introduce myself. It’s Steven. Steven Grant.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen.”

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