#and growth and learning and sharing and thoughtfulness and imagination and questioning

[casualavocados]

I actually think it's more complicated than that. I think, if bad people think it's bad, then, maybe it's good.

HIS DARK MATERIALS 2.01 | The City Of Magpies

[loveemagicpeace]

Solar Return & Your Rising🌅

✨Imagine each one as the mask of your soul for the year, coloring how you move through the world, how others see you, and the essence of your personal evolution from birthday to birthday. You have to also look where the chart ruler of the rising sign is in the house. ✨

Aries Rising in a Solar Return brings a year where your soul is set on fire. There is an urgency to begin, to act, to break free from old restraints and carve a new path. You walk through life with sharper edges and raw instincts. Your presence is bold, unfiltered, and alive with potential. This is a year of reclaiming your autonomy — not just saying "I am," but living it. You might be more assertive, even impulsive, because something within you is aching to move forward before thinking twice. Life wants you to chase what excites you.

Taurus Rising in a Solar Return invites a year of anchoring. You become more in tune with the rhythm of nature, with your body, with the beauty of slowness. This is a time when you’ll crave security, not only in material terms, but in your emotional and energetic environment. You radiate calm, and others may be drawn to your stability. Your growth this year comes from building — relationships, income, trust — with steady hands and patient timing. Life slows down so that you can truly feel it.

Gemini Rising in a Solar Return brings a year full of conversations, questions, and changes of mind. Your energy is light, curious, and perhaps scattered, drawn to new people, new ideas, and new experiences like a bee to blossoms. There’s a restlessness to this year, and your task is to explore without losing yourself in the noise. You may find yourself talking more, writing more, learning, teaching, sharing, and rethinking everything you thought you knew. The world becomes your classroom.

Cancer Rising in a Solar Return marks a tender, emotional year. You’re more protective of your heart, yet also more open to the quiet healing that comes from truly feeling. Themes of home, family, the past, and emotional safety rise to the surface. Your presence may feel softer, more nurturing, more inwardly focused. This is a time to nourish your roots and honor your inner world. Life asks you to embrace vulnerability — not as weakness, but as strength.

Leo Rising in a Solar Return lights the fire of visibility. You are meant to be seen, to create, to express the truth of who you are without apology. There is more drama in your expression this year — not necessarily conflict, but boldness. Your spirit wants to play, to shine, to fall in love, and to remind others of joy. You might feel a deeper desire for recognition or creative fulfillment. This is your stage, and the world is watching.

Virgo Rising in a Solar Return shifts the focus inward. It’s a year of refinement, of cleaning the dust from the corners of your life, and aligning your actions with your deeper values. You may appear more reserved or critical, but underneath is a deep desire to serve, to heal, and to do things right. Your attention is drawn to your body, your routines, your work, your health. It's not about perfection, but about devotion — to the details that hold your life together.

Libra Rising in a Solar Return brings a year colored by connection. Relationships become mirrors, showing you who you are through the eyes of another. There is a pull toward harmony, toward beauty, toward peace — and yet you may also feel torn by indecision or the need to please. This is a time when love, fairness, and art matter more than usual. You come off as graceful and diplomatic, even when you're spinning inside. The lesson is balance — within and without.

Scorpio Rising in a Solar Return is intense, raw, and transformative. This is a year of depth, not surface. You may find yourself withdrawing from the noise, becoming more selective about who gets close. Others may sense your power and mystery. It’s a time for inner work, for facing your shadows, for letting old versions of yourself die so something more truthful can be born. The world may not understand your metamorphosis, but your soul knows exactly what it's doing. Scorpio is associated with rebirth, power, sexuality, healing, and hidden truths — so these themes will likely dominate your solar year. People might find you more magnetic, but you might also be more selective about who gets close.

Sagittarius Rising in a Solar Return breathes expansion into your lungs. This is a year to wander, physically or spiritually. You may feel a hunger to learn more, to travel farther, to dream bigger. Your aura is open and bright, and others may be inspired by your optimism. You are the seeker now — searching for meaning, not just facts. Whether through study, belief, or bold movement, this year wants you to grow into a wider version of yourself.

Capricorn Rising in a Solar Return brings a year of structure and self-responsibility. You are being asked to grow up in some way — not necessarily to lose your softness, but to rise into your strength. This is a time of building foundations, committing to long-term goals, and showing the world what you're capable of. You may come off more serious or reserved, and life might feel heavier, but there's a quiet pride in taking full ownership of your path.

Aquarius Rising in a Solar Return calls for liberation. You are stepping outside the norm, rejecting boxes, and experimenting with new ways of living and relating. Others may see you as eccentric or ahead of your time. It’s a year to explore what authenticity really means, and how to live by your own truth without needing approval. Friendships, technology, and unexpected change may feature strongly. You are here to shake things up — starting with yourself.

Pisces Rising in a Solar Return opens the gates to the dreamworld. This is a spiritual, poetic, sometimes confusing year. You may feel more sensitive to energies, more intuitive, and more emotionally fluid. There's a softness to your aura, a dissolving of boundaries — for better or worse. You’re being asked to surrender, to trust, to create, to listen to what the world doesn’t say out loud. This is a year of divine timing, of mystery, and of deep soul renewal.

-Rebekah🌅🦋💘

[nowimjustastranger]

Ok I'm the same person who mentioned how I thought STCMO!Ford and Luna from mlp shared parallels in an earlier ask and now I've finally found time to read through all the asks and got my question answered about Ford relocating a younger Stan to an older Ford :D I'm really glad it's possible!

I know you said in an earlier ask that Ford's never had to save a Stan younger than a toddler before but I keep imagining a scenario in my head (you've successfully given me brain rot) where Ford narrowly saves a newly orphaned infant Stan who was supposed to die with the rest of his family, being only days or possibly even hours old at the time. I feel like that would be the first and maybe only instance where Ford actually grieves (however small and short-lived it be) at the death of his parallel self, given that Ford's typically hostile or indifferent towards them, sometimes even having killed a few terrible ones, but this one was just an innocent little baby.

Anywho, after cleaning up Stanley, tending to any possible wounds, making sure he's safe and well fed and clothed, Ford decides he doesn't have any better choice then to relocate this baby Stanley to be with an older Stanford from a different dimension. And that's what I brought up in my original ask, Ford taking a young Stanley to live with an adult Stanford in his twenties or thirties or even fifties or sixties who had just lost his own Stan and was overwhelmed by grief.

I kept thinking about whether this Ford would go up to Stanford directly and explain what had happened, who he was holding in his arms right now, and that Stanford was to raise this Stanley like a father to a son from now on, or if Ford would simply drop off baby Stanley at Stanford's front door, knock, and then disappear into the shadows and observe from afar (possibly for the next few days) to make sure everything went smoothly. Just imagine that Stanford's reaction to seeing a baby on his front doorstep, picking it up and cradling it and trying to look around for who left it but it's too dark out to see anything, reading the name tag attached to the basket and becoming even more shocked to read his late brother's name. Maybe Ford left an anonymous note attached to the basket in that scenario that had an ominous, threatening vibe to it as it gave him instructions on what to do going forward now that he had his Stanley back.

I feel like despite the initial confusion and maybe panic Stanford would absolutely melt holding the small baby in his arms and would comply without a moment of further hesitation. And I kind of wonder how being a father would reform this Stanford who let his original brother die. If it would teach him humility, or prioritizing his baby, or learning to be gentle, affectionate, and nurturing for a growing Stanley. I guess Ford would have to do frequent check ups on this household.

I know it probably can't happen bc no babies but I couldn't get it out of my head without spilling it out onto paper. I thought it would be a cool/interesting scenario.

I know people have a soft spot for Dad Stanley, I fear I happen to be a sucker for Dad Stanford lol. One and a half Stans is probably my favorite Gravity Falls AU ever.

Ok that's all, I have yapped your ear off at this point. Have a good day/night!

Honestly? I like both Dad Stan and Dad Ford pretty equally. There's so much room for growth with both brothers when it comes to being the father they never had! I probably won't make this concept a mini series since I already have a dad au, but I would be willing to answer asks about 24yo Dad Ford (whose brother died on the streets) with a Baby Stan and do fic requests when my inbox is open to them. For now though, I'm gonna share my thoughts on this scenario!

Ford 419"3 would approach Ford Xi11-5 with baby Stan from dimension J0\65 after saving him from a home invasion that the rest of his family sadly didn't survive, Ford had barely gotten there in time to stop one of the assailants from killing Stan via smothering with a pillow. Ford killed them all and left with a wailing baby Stan, locating the best match for the infant.

Ford Xi11-5 would most likely refuse at first, insisting that he had work to focus on and had no time to raise a child, even if that child was his own brother. He would be like Ford 419"3 in the sense that he's been consumed by his work, internally terrified that he would only fail his brother again if he took in the child. Because him? raising a kid? Laughable at best and disastrous at worst.

Ford 419"3 would be having none of that shit, simply depositing baby Stan onto the porch and stalking off, telling Ford Xi11-5 that he could either take baby Stan or leave the infant to succumb to the elements. Ford Xi11-5 is understandably horrified and furious, but he doesn't know that the deceptively ordinary basket that the baby is in is actually alien tech and would keep the child warm and safe.

So, it's basically one of 419"3 Ford's tests.

Ford Xi11-5 would just stand on the porch, unable to go inside and leave the baby on the porch for anyone or anything to get ahold of. And, with several vulgar insults, he would begrudgingly snatch the basket and carry baby Stan inside. Ford would find a sizable crate of baby supplies at his door a few minutes later along with an ominous note warning him not to try and hand baby Stan off to anyone else or Ford 419"3 would be paying him a visit.

Needless to say, Ford resigned himself to taking care of baby Stan until adulthood. First thing on the agenda would be filling out the paperwork that Ford 419"3 left him, giving Stan a new identity. After some consideration, Ford would name the baby Thomas Lee Pines (after Thomas Edison, who was a key figure in the invention of the lightbulb), though Ford would take to calling him "Tommy" as a nickname. Ford's terms of endearment for Tommy would be "Darling" and "Dear" because he's a total softy and no one can convince me otherwise.

[elicathebunny]

Self-doubt or self-sabotage?

Conquering the fear of being seen so you can achieve your dreams.

Historically, humans lived in small, close-knit groups or tribes, typically consisting of about 150 individuals, known as Dunbar's number. This limited number of social connections was manageable for our brains, allowing us to form meaningful relationships and navigate social hierarchies effectively. Today, we are constantly exposed to a vast number of people through social media, where we can have hundreds or even thousands of connections. This can overwhelm our brain's capacity to manage social relationships. Early human survival depended heavily on being part of a group. Being accepted by the tribe meant safety, resources, and cooperation. Rejection could lead to isolation and danger. In modern settings, being authentic in front of many people, such as on social media or in public speaking, can feel like facing a large, judgmental audience. This can trigger anxiety as our brains interpret this as a potential threat to our social standing. Authenticity often involves expressing opinions, emotions, and personal stories. The fear of negative reactions, criticism, or misunderstanding can make us feel exposed and vulnerable.

Here are some common examples of self-doubt:

- Impostor Syndrome - Fear of Failure - Comparison to Others - Negative Self-Talk - Perfectionism - Limiting Beliefs - Seeking External Validation - Setting Unrealistic Expectations - Fear of Rejection or Criticism

How to overcome self-doubt:

1. Recognise and Acknowledge Your Feelings

Start by acknowledging and accepting your self-doubt and fear of being seen. Understand that these feelings are common and normal, but they don't define you.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Challenge negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself by examining the evidence that supports them. Question the validity of these thoughts and replace them with more realistic and supportive ones.

3. Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when facing self-doubt or fear. Practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself in a gentle and encouraging manner, as you would to a friend in need.

4. Embrace Imperfection

Accept that it's okay to be imperfect and that making mistakes is a natural part of growth and learning. Embrace your flaws and vulnerabilities, as they make you human and relatable.

5. Set Realistic Goals

Set realistic and achievable goals for yourself, taking into account your abilities and limitations. Break larger goals into smaller, more manageable steps, and celebrate each accomplishment along the way.

6. Focus on Your Strengths

Identify your strengths and talents, and focus on nurturing and developing them. Remind yourself of past successes and achievements to boost your confidence and self-belief.

7. Exposure Therapy

Gradually expose yourself to situations that trigger self-doubt or fear of being seen. Start with small, manageable steps and gradually increase the level of exposure over time. Each successful exposure will build your confidence and resilience.

8. Seek Support

Reach out to supportive friends, family members, or a therapist for guidance and encouragement. Share your feelings and experiences with someone you trust, and allow them to offer perspective and support.

9. Visualise Success

Visualise yourself overcoming self-doubt and fear, and imagine yourself succeeding in situations that challenge you. Visualisation can help boost your confidence and reinforce positive beliefs about yourself.

10. Take Action Despite Fear

Take action despite feeling afraid or uncertain. Recognise that courage is not the absence of fear but the willingness to act despite it. Step out of your comfort zone and embrace new opportunities for growth and self-discovery.

11. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Practice mindfulness meditation, deep breathing, or other relaxation techniques to calm your mind and reduce feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. These practices can help you stay grounded and present in the moment.

12. Celebrate Your Progress

Celebrate your progress and achievements, no matter how small. Acknowledge your efforts and accomplishments, and recognize the courage it takes to face your fears and self-doubt head-on.

[healingxheartbreak]

You’re in love with someone else. I think I’ve known it for sometime, but today I saw it in black and white. I absorbed the pain in your heart as I read your words about her. The story isn’t quite as straightforward as that. You haven’t moved on happily, and I felt sad for you. Sad that you’re letting your avoidance jeopardise yet another connection.

But I also felt sad for me. Sad because the way you feel about her is the way I still feel about you. You’re in love with her. And I’m still in love with you. It’s uncanny really, the photo you posted of her laying on your lap, I have an almost identical photo of you laying on mine, 3 years ago when things were blissful. Hopeful and innocent and with endless possibilities.

It was jarring to see your post, your honest words, your thoughts that felt like they should be kept secret, that damn photo that feels like a carbon copy of ours, unintentionally so.

But I didn’t get the feeling of dread that I’ve had many times before, the sick feeling in my stomach, the wretching, the crying. I took in every word and felt empathy towards you, but also numb. A faint sadness that I’m not allowing myself fully lean into because I’ve lost myself in grief over you these past two months.

You ended things a year ago but it was murky. You said you still loved me for months, and then we somehow managed to build a friendship out of the heartbreak. We were closer than ever, and naively I thought we’d find our way back to one another because I never stopped loving you. Turns out you were developing feelings for someone else and you really only saw us as platonic now. Pain, blindsiding, jealousy. The past 2 months we’ve had it all haven’t we? We’ve fought like never before and it’s a miracle we’ve managed to salvage our friendship.

But I meant what I said about loving you unconditionally and I don’t want to lose you from my life even if it means the pain of watching you give to someone else what you once freely gave to me. I will be constant in your life no matter what. But, I also have to choose myself more too and have more boundaries for myself, so I’ll honour those boundaries. I’ll only put up with what I can handle, something I should have done years ago.

Today I chose peace. I told you that I wished you the best and told you I just want you to be happy, and that you should pursue her. It’s the truth that I want that for you, even though the truth feels like swallowing sand because imagining you with someone else is so deeply painful. But if it’s what you want I’m happy for you. And that’s growth right?

Echoes of what could have been for you and I even though I know you have no regrets. You’re happy our chapter is closed whilst I’m only just hesitantly shutting it. Thinking back to how deep and real and meaningful everything was and wondering if I gaslit myself into how intense our love was. Pictures of the ruby engagement ring I was gonna buy you still saved to my phone. The proposal I planned that I’ll never get to live out. Our hopes, dreams and shared life engulfed in flames. Did we make it in another timeline?

I lived happily for 28 years without you yet I can’t remember how. I can’t unknow you. Before you I dreamt of a love like you, and then you came and made me the happiest person I’ve ever been. All the struggles of coming out and accepting my sexuality were finally worth it. You weren’t my first girl. You weren’t my first love even. But I’ll always say you were my first real love. The first one who showed me what it’s like to be loved. But now I question it all. Even though you’re still here in my life every day platonically, my heart aches to be loved by you fully. Terrified I’ll never find a love like this again but knowing it’s out of my control because you didn’t choose me.

You didn’t choose me, and for almost four years I didn’t choose me either. But I have to start now. And that’s what this blog is about. Healing from the loss of you but also just healing myself. Learning how to love myself fully and focusing on me. I need to remember I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone. I just need me.

I just want to be in alignment. To be on the right path. I wish the universe or my higher self could give me a sign. My nana, one of my favourite people in the world, said earlier something that’s burned into my brain. She was talking about applying for jobs and how if something doesn’t work out we’re down about it, but it’s usually because something better is around the corner. She doesn’t know how much I needed to hear that because I could only apply that theory to you. I can’t imagine you not being my person, but maybe my something better really is right around the corner. It feels weird to think about when I can’t envision anyone being better for me than you, but then I couldn’t ever envision someone as good as you until you came into my life by surprise one Sunday afternoon. You came into my life at a time when I was happy, choosing myself, not seeking love or a girlfriend. Maybe that’s where I need to be again.

That’s why I told you tonight to pursue your new girl, and I tried to be a supportive friend, because I’m moving forward. And I’m blogging the process of moving on, learning to love myself again, finding who I am. Maybe there’ll be some dating later down the line. Nothing serious for now. I have to trust my person is out there and she’ll come into my life when the time is right. Not when I need her, just when I want her. Maybe I’ll get to write the feelings of falling in love again into a blog one day.

Or maybe I’m just supposed to realise that my number one greatest love in life, is me.

So let’s begin. It’s time to fall in love with myself. Anyone reading along with me in the same position, I hope you can fall in love with yourselves with me, and for anyone struggling my inbox is always open.

[physalian]

Fantasy Worldbuilding Without Ignorant Protagonists

A reminder, as we approach Arcane Season 2, that exposition in a fantasy setting can be given sparingly, and yet still tell an enthralling story.

Or, imagine how different Arcane, or Game of Thrones, or Lord of the Rings would have been if they were “stranger in a strange land” type fantasies with ignorant Earth protagonists who needed the whole plot and kitchen sink explained to them?

I dislike audience exposition vectors, not just in fantasy, but usually in a fantastical setting ranging from urban fantasy to superhero stories, because they’re an author crutch, giving the illusion of having to explain every little detail so the audience can keep up when… if this character wasn’t the hero, and you had to pick a character who knew about the world to be your protagonist, they wouldn’t be asking all these obvious questions and you'd still be able to tell the story.

I know why they exist, so they can be the vehicle through which the audience lives vicariously. We share their wonder and amazement as this cool new realm awes and humbles and frightens them.

But what these characters tend to lack is agency, specifically when they’ve been around in this setting for long enough that they really should start to know better. Or, if they’re built up as smart and self-sufficient, and yet don’t ever seek out information about the plot or their new world beyond asking the other characters dumb questions.

Example because I love these books: In The Titan’s Curse (PJO Book 3) Percy complains about not being able to manipulate the Mist, of which his new rival, Thalia, can do easily. This is one of the first things he does in the book. Because he has to remain the butt of the “seaweed brain” joke (and Annabeth must remain The Smart One), Percy hasn’t already learned how to do this very important trick (and he never does).

While it would behoove him to learn, when he’s had 2.5 years to do so, he just… didn’t. He also doesn’t know what the Manticore is to retain the suspense… when he’s had plenty of time and motive to study up on all the things that eagerly want to kill him, and has a nerdy girlfriend who’d be more than happy to lecture him with this information.

Even something as simple as Percy being shocked that he’s right that it’s the Manticore would have given him a little bit more agency. He’s an incredibly clever character, but still has to serve as the audience exposition vehicle, so he has to remain ignorant so the plot can explain things to him. He's as cherry-picked clueless as the story demands sometimes.

So. You want to have a character for the audience to live vicariously? Please give them expository agency.

Meaning–give them means and motives to learn about their new world on their own instead of asking questions as the plot demands. Or even let these characters form their own biases on what they think they know so that the actually knowledgeable characters can go “um actually”.

I once wrote a protagonist who was from her fantasy world, but purposefully ignorant about life beyond her planet. Why? So I could have all my other characters explain things to her that they would not explain to each other. But she was from a world with heavy information policing and manipulation, so she thought she knew plenty (naively, not arrogantly), giving plenty of fodder for conflict as opposed to just exposition.

It wasn’t just A learning about the new planet for the audience’s benefit, it was A realizing she was misled and lied to, and learning what “facts” she has that are wrong. Was it perfect? Heck no, but not only was this part of her character growth, by the second book, she was all studied up and when something unknown came along, the whole team shared in the confusion.

I did the same thing with Elias, my protagonist in Eternal Night of the Northern Sky. He’s very purposefully, literally sheltered, literally grew up under a rock, but his people have incredibly loud biases against vampires. Elias has plenty of knowledge about his world, both that is correct and vastly incorrect, while still lacking basic knowledge of other survival skills because he’s never had the opportunity.

Elias’s biases drive early conflict and conversation. He’s not going “what’s a vampire” so the other characters can stop the plot to explain them to him. He’s going “I know exactly what a vampire is” and the plot is him getting kicked on his ass with the truth.

So you can have that naive amazement factor, but also still have a character underneath. You can also let that character show off their acclimation into their world by not being afraid to stop making them the ignorant exposition machine.

Just thoughts.

[mangaloversolar2000]

As for the discussions on Luz not growing enough, I get touchy a bit to be honest cause of what is being suggested.

As from a particular detail I'll get to in a moment, but I don't know about having a breeze all throughout.

Like finding out that she helped Philip to power and resolving to remain in the human realm instead of going back after things were settled. Heck, that bit in class when commenting on a guy who shared her mistake and the response "Maybe he shouldn't exist"? Basically having suicidal thoughts.

And as for what I feel these discussions build up to, on account some have directly said so is that apparently the only satisfying way for her growth to occur is to have her either stay in the Isles with no access to the Human Realm, but that would apparently mean she hides in a fantasy world for life.* Or Human Realm with no access to the Isles. You know "maturity". Kind of like Amphibia.

Now stories like that which treat staying in your world to achieve adulthood can be done well like yeah Amphibia. But the heart of that message is still shaky.

Kind of like those who insist that adults need to drop animation, video games, comic books and such to demonstrate growth. But taking life serious doesn't mean that an adult is beyond flaws and a brand of immaturity.

(*) Besides, if the world of magic and such exists within a story, it's not exactly fantasy. Which kind of makes the claim that main character is literally trapped in one a bit disingenuous.

I really appreciate you bringing this up, because yeah, the conversation around Luz "not growing enough" does start to feel a bit loaded after a while. It's not just a question of whether a character develops, but how we measure that development—and honestly, a lot of the expectations people place on her can feel narrow or even dismissive of the complexity the show is actually tackling.

That moment where she realizes she helped Philip rise to power is huge. It's not a breezy arc at all—she's grappling with guilt, with the implications of her choices, and seriously questioning her worth. The “Maybe he shouldn’t exist” line? That’s raw, and yeah, it’s touching on suicidal ideation. Luz is a kid shouldering a weight that would break a lot of adults, and to me, that is growth: facing mistakes, fear, even despair—and still choosing to keep going, to make things right.

As for the idea that she needs to pick one world to "mature"—whether that's the Boiling Isles or the Human Realm—it does feel like people are leaning into a very rigid, even moralistic, take on what growing up is supposed to look like. Like you said, it echoes that tired notion that adults need to give up animation, games, or anything deemed "childish" to be taken seriously. But The Owl House has always been about embracing identity in all its weird, creative, messy, emotional glory. Luz doesn’t have to abandon the fantasy to grow; she just learns how to carry the lessons and losses from both worlds into her future.

At first, the Boiling Isles is escapism for Luz. It’s a place where she can run from the expectations and judgments of the human world, where fantasy seems to bend to her imagination. But as the story unfolds, it stops being her personal retreat. She realizes it’s not her own private narrative—it’s a real world, with real people, real consequences, and challenges she can’t control or fix with cleverness alone. The fantasy becomes reality, and that shift is crucial. Luz isn’t hiding anymore—she’s choosing to engage with a world that doesn’t revolve around her, that pushes back, that hurts, that helps her grow. That’s not immaturity. That’s growth through integration, not escape.

[mikaylathenerd5]

Meet the Writer 🖤✨

✨ Meet the Writer: Kayla ✨ Hey loves! I’m Kayla — the writer behind all the angst, slow burns, and chaotic good characters you’ve been reading about. I thought it was time I officially introduced myself 💌

📌 Basic Info Name: Kayla Pronouns: She/Her Age: 25 Location: East Coast, USA Languages: English & Spanish Zodiac: Cancer ☀️ | Scorpio 🌙⬆️ Heritage: Afro-Latina 🇵🇦 (Panamanian roots) Pet Parent: Lynx Siamese queen named Cookie 🐾

🎓 Education & Background — First-gen college graduate 🙌 — Double majored in Computer Science & Business Management — Minored in Psychology (because I love characters with emotional layers)

💭 Writing Journey I’ve been writing since middle school but only recently started sharing my work publicly. Writing is my escape from reality — and honestly? I have a crazy imagination that refuses to chill 😅

📚 What I Write — WWE fanfiction (mainly Roman Reigns) — Slow burns, tension, emotional build-up — Angst that hurts (but I promise I’ll comfort you later) — Smut / mature themes — Trauma, growth arcs, and flawed characters who learn to love again

🏆 Fun Facts — Lifelong wrestling fan (since I was 5!) — Accepted into Howard University and University of Hawaii but chose to stay close to home — Played soccer and ran track growing up — Gym rat who’s into CrossFit & DEKA 🏋🏽‍♀️ — Matcha + Ghost Energy = my personality at this point 💚⚡ — Addicted to Funko Pops, comic books, coloring books & good novels — give me a pen or a plot and I’m happy — Favorite shows: The Big Bang Theory, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Teen Titans, The Boys, Bob’s Burgers, and Rick & Morty — Half tech nerd, half overthinker, full-time storyteller

💪 Favorite Wrestlers Roman Reigns (of course) Rhea Ripley 🖤 Jade Cargill The Usos Naomi Iyo Sky Bianca Belair Bayley Dakota Kai

💡 What Inspires Me In Life My biggest motivation is my grandmother, who passed away when I was six. Seeing the struggles of the women in my family drives me to break generational curses and barriers — in life and in my writing.

Music, lived experiences, and a love for storytelling all feed my creativity. Every project is a love letter to growth, survival, and inner strength.

📌 Tag List Info Want to stay updated on my writing, sneak peeks, and new chapters? ✨ I have a Google Form you can fill out to join my tag list! (You can also find it in my pinned tag list post.)

💬 Prefer to comment or message? That works too — I’ll make sure you’re added!

💬 Ask Me Anything! I love interacting with my readers, so feel free to drop any questions you have — whether it's about my stories, writing process, wrestling, or even random things! I’ll be answering asks regularly. Let’s chat! 💌

Masterlist

[einsatzzz]

i’m sorry if this is a rude question, but I was a bit surprised by the housework part in your ship meme. i just doubt that tsuna is such a good housewife material considering that at the beginning of the manga he had nana doing everything for him, he had a messy room, so i seriously doubt his talent goes beyond heating up food…. i just thought that kurumi and tsuna would just set the house on fire together because they can't both do anything

Thank you for dropping by my inbox, anon! No worries, I didn't read it as a rude question, I actually even got inspo from your ask lmaooo I'm just gonna put it here hahaha 🤣

Also, here's the link for the ship meme mentioned! 🐟🎀

Ok, now to actually answer your ask!

I do agree that Nana practically did all the work in the house for him. His room is also quite messy as you said 😭 and highly likely, the only reason it gets cleaned up is also Nana (it's even shown at the room previews). There's even that one episode in Future Arc where Haru & Kyoko boycotted them, and they just kept eating instant noodles because they can't cook a proper meal. All in all, that's just how much of a Dame Tsuna he is, being crap at housework as much as he is with school grades.

Though, this doesn't mean he'll just "absolutely" stay like that forever. Just like the growth his character had throughout the entire story and his shows of courage (or just him stepping up when needed) in situations where we know he's scared too, I believe this characteristic of his can also spill over to other aspects of his life which includes something as common as housework. And it's not like he doesn't personally want to grow as a person too, you know?

Another important thing to consider for this is the dynamic between Tsuna and Kurumi (a character who's an added variable to what we initially have as canon, which can affect Tsuna's character as well). A key part of their relationship in general that we want to portray is that they provide each other more opportunities for personal growth. Of course, this includes Tsuna stepping up in taking over for most of the housework.

A nice analogy for this would be when you pair up an introvert and an extreme introvert together for a project, so now the introvert will have to step up their game for the other introvert even if they're bad at it.

So if we apply this example to them, while Tsuna is quite bad at doing housework (with Nana doing it all for him), Kurumi is even way way worse (with having multiple servants at their family's disposal to handle their housework + spoiled even more by her family + whatever black matter cooking fuckery she has going on). In the end, Tsuna is forced to step up his game, for both his and Kurumi's safety in their shared living space. He won't be perfect at it especially during the period when they just moved in together, but at the very least I can see him improving to somewhere around below average to barely average skill, which is as the anime dudebros would call "mid" jfmdhdjdjdhd 🤣🤣🤣

We never really said that he'd be a good housewife material, but instead! ✨He will be Kurumi's housewife when they're together in their home 🙏✨

He won't be able to cook those five-star restaurant steaks for her, but you can at least expect him to cook some fried eggs that are a bit burned on the side (or maybe even underneath lol) - it's still edible. I can see him learning to cook other easy fried dishes or boiled dishes (boiled eggs ftw 👍) or maybe just plain eggs over rice (can you tell i love egg dishes, but I've never tried eggs over rice, I just discovered it in Gin//tama).

Then when he washes the dishes, he definitely broke glass plates or cups while attempting to do so. As time goes on, the frequency of that happening would decrease, but he'll still break a few from time to time. I can imagine even more scenarios but I'll stop there hehe He's not perfect, but he's doing his best!

One can also argue that they can just hire servants (or Kurumi can just bring a maid with her) since they're both Bosses of their respective Families, but they're also the type of characters who wants to live a normal life away from the underworld (at the very least, in their home life). Having "servants" or "guards" is off the list for that! So, it's just the two of them trying to live a simple life together in a comfortable apartment (...as simple as they can. They're not exactly normal people to begin with 💀).

I'll be stopping myself from any further rambling, this is long enough kdhddkhdjd Thank you for coming to my Housewife Tsuna and Domestic TYL TsunaRumi TED talk!🥰🥰🐟🎀 I've been wanting to yap about this, thank you again for sending this ask, yippeeee!!!

=====

reference for the short above, the og user in tik//tok alr deleted their acc unfortunately huhu

[thelivingfractal]

1. Do you support the things Nikita and Artyom did? Or like what are your thoughts on this?

I don’t condone the actions that led to Artyom’s incarceration, but I approach this topic with complexity and nuance. Artyom’s past doesn’t define the person he is today, nor does it overshadow the deep and transformative love we’ve found. I’ve taken the time to understand his case, his experiences, and his humanity beyond the actions that shaped his circumstances. For me, it’s about seeing the full person—his capacity for growth, change, and the love we share.

2. I heard somewhere that you met Artyom through letters—why did you write him a letter? Or perhaps what was the letter about?

Yes, we met through letters, and my first letter to him wasn’t planned to lead to this beautiful connection. I reached out because I felt compelled to understand his humanity and connect with someone on a deeper level. My initial letter was about compassion and curiosity, and it sparked an exchange that grew into the most profound relationship I’ve ever experienced. Our letters are now filled with love, understanding, and hope for the future.

3. Are you annoyed that most people only ask about your fiancé and not you personally? Or what do you think?

It doesn’t annoy me, but it can sometimes feel a little one-sided. I understand that people are curious about Artyom, especially because of his circumstances, but I’m also an individual with my own story, passions, and experiences. Our relationship is deeply mutual—I love him, but I also have my own aspirations and personal journey, and I appreciate when people take the time to learn about both.

4. How do you imagine your future with Artyom? I mean, like, what if he never gets released? Are you okay with just sending letters or calls?

I imagine a future where Artyom and I build a life together, no matter the obstacles. Of course, I hope for his release, and I’m committed to fighting for it. But even if that doesn’t happen, our connection transcends physical boundaries. We’ve built a bond that’s strong enough to endure distance and limitations, though, of course, it would be painful. I’m deeply in love with him, and my commitment to him is unwavering.

5. Since most of my questions are about Artyom, I’m gonna ask about you now! :D So, how old are you? Where are you from? What are you interested in?

I’m 31 years old (turning 32 soon!) and from the Netherlands. My interests are rooted in emotional depth and purpose—I’m passionate about forensic psychology, criminology, and systemic reform, which ties into my desire to advocate for Artyom. I also love writing, personal growth, and learning languages (I’m working on Russian!). Building a meaningful, fulfilling life with Artyom and exploring motherhood are also important goals for me.

6. Do you ever get harassed by TCC fans? How do you deal with it? Does it affect you?

Yes, there has been some harassment, especially from people who misunderstand or misrepresent Artyom and our relationship. It can be upsetting because they reduce him to an image or ideal that isn’t true to who he is, and that hurts me deeply because I know him on a soul level. To cope, I remind myself that their opinions don’t define us, and I focus on the love and connection we share rather than the noise.

7. Does Artyom know that he has so many fangirls, edits about him, etc.? If yes, does it bother him, or what does he think about it?

Yes, Artyom is aware of the attention, and he finds it strange and surreal at times. What matters most to him is staying true to who he is and focusing on the love and support we share. The superficial attention doesn’t define him or impact our relationship—it’s the genuine connection we’ve built that gives him purpose and meaning.

I really appreciate your curiosity and thoughtful questions! Our relationship might seem unusual to some, but it’s deeply meaningful and has transformed both of our lives. Thank you for taking the time to ask about not just Artyom but also about me and our connection. It means a lot. :)

[hrizantemy]

Day 15 of ACOTAR Games: This or That

Who deserves a redemption arc?

Rhysand

Cassian

Your contenders: @achaotichuman @litnerdwrites @umthisistheonlyusernamenottaken

On penalty: @yaralulu

It's perfectly fine that you are tending to your priorities. This is barely a corner we resort to for some reprieve. I am glad you are finding joy in what you do despite the tediousness of it. Please take care of yourself and return when you are mentally able to.

I personally think neither of them truly deserves a redemption arc. They’ve both done things that I just can’t overlook. Rhysand, with his manipulation and questionable choices, particularly regarding the treatment of others, doesn’t come across as someone who’s earned redemption in my eyes. As for Cassian, while I understand his struggles and the trauma he’s been through, his actions toward Nesta, including the verbal abuse and disrespect, make it hard for me to believe he deserves a redemption arc either.

But if anyone were to get one, I guess I’d choose Cassian. His growth could be more meaningful if it truly addresses the harm he’s caused and the toxic behaviors he’s exhibited, especially toward Nesta. However, I’m not sure if that’s something SJM will actually do in a way that feels earned.

I think Cassian’s realization of how he’s treated Nesta is long overdue, and it would be a powerful moment if he finally acknowledged the harm he’s caused. The verbal abuse, the moments of degradation, and his complete disregard for her emotional needs would have to hit him hard—maybe not just through words, but through actions that really show him the depth of his mistakes. He needs to understand that his behavior was not just a momentary lapse, but a pattern of cruelty that made her feel unworthy and small.

If he were to grovel, it wouldn’t just be a couple of apologies or gestures to win back her affection. It would have to be a true reckoning—a deep, raw moment where he admits to himself how wrong he was and how much pain he caused. It would have to be more than just “I’m sorry, I didn’t know” because that’s not enough at this point. He’d need to express how he failed her, take responsibility for his actions without any excuses, and show genuine remorse. The apology would have to be something that reflects the hurt she felt, not just something that fits into his need to feel absolved.

Cassian needs to be humble—perhaps even go so far as to put his own pride aside, something that isn’t easy for him—and show her through consistent actions that he’s truly learned from his mistakes. It’s not about trying to win her back or gain her forgiveness for himself; it’s about demonstrating, every day, that he respects her boundaries, her needs, and her strength. Only then would I start to see that maybe, just maybe, he could begin to redeem himself.

If Cassian were to truly come to terms with how he’s treated Nesta and put in the work to show her genuine remorse, I’d love to see them travel together. There’s something so raw and intimate about traveling—especially when it’s a journey of healing and redemption. The physical distance between them would mirror the emotional distance they’ve had, and it could be a way for them to rediscover each other in a space where neither of them is confined by the past.

Imagine them journeying through new lands, perhaps visiting places that hold no expectations for them. There would be moments of quiet reflection, where Cassian would have to prove that his growth isn’t just words, but actions—whether it’s standing beside Nesta when she’s vulnerable or offering her a space to truly be herself without any pressure. It could be a time for her to regain trust in him, to see him not just as the soldier or the High Lord’s brother, but as someone who is truly working to change.

In the midst of their travels, they could share stories, face dangers together, and even have moments of lightness, where Cassian’s attempts to make her laugh or his gentle, thoughtful gestures speak volumes. It would be a chance for them to build new memories, ones that aren’t tainted by his past mistakes. Seeing them move through the world side by side, as equals, would give them the chance to rebuild their relationship on solid ground.

And through it all, Nesta could see that the man beside her is truly different—that he isn’t just apologizing, but actively seeking to make things right. I think it would be beautiful if they came to understand each other in a way that’s beyond what either of them thought was possible. There’s a quiet strength in seeing someone grow, and for them to travel and grow together would be a powerful testament to the change Cassian would need to make.

For Cassian and Nesta to truly grow together, it would take a deep, mutual effort to understand each other’s struggles, desires, and boundaries. Growth, for them, isn’t just about overcoming past mistakes, but about learning to support each other in ways they’ve never done before. It would require them to peel back the layers of hurt, pride, and fear that have kept them apart, and to rebuild their relationship from the ground up, brick by brick.

Cassian would need to go beyond simply acknowledging his past wrongs. He would have to prove, over time, that he respects Nesta’s autonomy, her strength, and her need for space. Real growth isn’t about forcing a connection or pushing her into forgiving him quickly—it’s about consistent effort. That might mean stepping back when she needs distance, offering her comfort when she’s vulnerable, and letting her know that he sees her not just as a mate, but as an individual with her own pain and her own agency.

Nesta, on the other hand, would need to unlearn the belief that she isn’t worthy of love and respect. Cassian’s actions—if they’re consistent and genuine��could help her slowly rebuild trust, but she would also have to find her own sense of healing. She’d need to believe that, no matter how toxic relationships in her past were, she can still create a space for something healthier. As she grows, she could learn to be vulnerable with Cassian in ways she never has been before, knowing he’s not there to control or undermine her, but to stand beside her as an equal.

Their growth could be fostered in the quiet moments, when they’re traveling or working together toward a common goal. Those moments of facing adversity as a team—whether it’s battling through external enemies or navigating their own internal struggles—would help them develop trust in each other. They would learn to rely on each other’s strengths and hold each other accountable when needed. Cassian, for example, would have to prove that he can step back from his own pride and let Nesta lead in her own way, whether in battle, in decision-making, or in their personal lives.

Through shared experiences, they’d begin to see each other as partners—not just as individuals with their own pasts, but as people who are willing to grow and evolve for the betterment of their relationship. It would be a delicate dance, filled with both successes and setbacks, but the key would be their willingness to meet each other halfway.

Ultimately, their growth together would hinge on respect—respect for each other’s autonomy, flaws, and strength. As they both work to overcome their personal demons and the scars left from past wounds, they could create a space where they can love and support each other in a way that’s healthy, balanced, and rooted in mutual understanding. The beauty of this journey would be in the process itself—two broken people coming together, not to fix each other, but to help each other heal.

I missed this, oopsie! Sorry babes, I’ve been MIA for a sec but we’re back in action now!

[hearthspeaker]

Robin Wall Kimmerer's The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World has been my lullaby the past couple of nights. It's a quick read but left me with a lot of thoughts. I had to write them down.

I have yet to read a work of Robin’s that I did not appreciate. The Serviceberry, however, is a bit more uncomfortable than her previous books. Not uncomfortable in a bad way, per se, but it brings to the surface of our consciousness the many ways we as humans have dug ourselves into disconnection. Culturally, we have become so detached that even a “nature lover” like me finds it difficult to look at the gift economy, which The Serviceberry illustrates, without a degree of cynical skepticism. It has me wondering, is a gift economy even possible? Are people, from those who buy brand new Christmas decorations every year, to those that revert sacred land agreements in the name of economic expansion, really capable of treating a gift economy with the respect it would require to function? With hope, I wonder if those people (and the pieces of myself I see reflected within them) have solely become the way they are as a side effect of the machine we live in. Would they not exist within that mindset if it were not for our systems of disconnection that have long been in place? And if not, how did the system originate? It is hard, as an American, to even imagine what the other side of anthropocentrism would look like on a cultural scale. 

It also trudges up questions of how capitalism feels beneficial to us. Despite knowing the diversion it causes, it seems scary to let go of. To call it comfortable may be a stretch for many, but familiar certainly fits. Capitalism promises us opportunity. In the systems available on a global scale, it is special to be able to create your own profession, especially one that exists on the cultural periphery, even if the promised opportunities for doing so are limited. It also feels special to swing by a coffee shop to pick up an iced coffee with raspberry syrup you can’t find anywhere else. Little treat culture has its hand on my heart. But are little treats an attempt to fill the void of our disconnection? Would we even desire little treats if we were continually recognizing life itself as the greatest gift that can be given? And it is given. Over and over and over again. We owe our whole lives to this fact. 

So how do we heal the rift we’ve created? Kimmerer offers grassroots solutions. Within our own communities, we can recognize the gifts we have to share. When we have more than we need, pass something along. This can exist within capitalism, and in spite of it. Perhaps big problems don’t always need big solutions. If we emulate nature’s economy - gift giving - within our own lives, within our small circles, perhaps the circles will radiate forever outwards, like the ripple created by a pebble dropped in a pond. Perhaps we can find our mirror, as Robin draws the comparison, in rapid growth after ecological disaster - like a wildfire, for example. Scrub trees and other fast growing plants come in to quickly colonize the area, but are later replaced and pushed out by the species designed to stay. In that sense, perhaps we are in a phase of mandatory learning. Perhaps, in Earth’s time, our systems divorced from nature will soon be replaced by something meant to stay.  

[greenbeansartgallery]

The Mistlelore

Standing above the Mistletoe in a quiet room away from a rowdy party, Instead of a kiss, Sig receives something else instead from Carmen.

Then again who was going to make them kiss?

Carmen had personally seen and grew certain plants for the festive holiday. The Poinsettia, Holly, Christmas Cactus and the Cyclamen even the Nordmann Fir or as everyone pretty much calls it, the Christmas Tree but there was one plant she did think about growing personally but could never due to the circumstances of the said plant's growth.

She knew her mothers somehow did it as she helped with the harvesting but she never really imagined she would actually be standing underneath the mistletoe, with Sig no less. Who exactly hung that?

Sig stood next to her, following her gaze at the leaves above them staring with intrigue underneath the stony exterior, it took him a minute to realise this is a mistletoe making the boy more puzzled than before. "Huh.. Mistletoe.."

Carmen in response just kept her head up and hums in agreement. She didn't exactly know how to respond to that as the wheels in her head were turning to process their position and other thoughts.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Eyes flicker to Sig who now had his own mismatched ones on her, the question filled with curiosity.

Carmen lowered her head to properly look at him and put her hands behind her back. She felt pretty calm about this, she knew Sig wasn't going to kiss her and she wasn't obligated to initiate it especially if she wasn't comfortable enough to do so.

Besides who's really going to make these two kiss? They're in a different room while the others are celebrating Mr Dapper Bone's birthday, the noise and stimulation got too much to handle. "Just thinking about how to tell you about some interesting facts about the mistletoe. You probably know I have been studying them."

Sig raised one eyebrow does a slight tilt of his head at her words. "What kind of facts?"

"Well.. for one thing the mistletoe despite it's romantic reputation is actually a semi-parasitic evergreen plant that grows on trees and shrubs as its host."

She sways back and forth, now looking up at the decoration above their heads with nonchalance as she talks about the knowledge she learned. "Oh and they're poisonous too from the stems to the leaves, even the berries. Though birds eat the berries.. for the parasitic part though.. the seeds inside are coated with sticky substances that stick to the beak of the birds who feed on the berries of the mistletoe."

He listened attentively and with interest in his eyes as Carmen spoke of the mistletoe's nature. It's not really the first time she would share knowledge of the flora even if at it's most disgusting and horrifying, something Lidelle and Tartar wouldn't be brave enough to share without filtering it in some way.

He had a feeling where this was going when she mentions the sticky substances. "So basically the birds unknowingly spread the seeds when they eat the berries..?"

"Yep, by either wiping the substances off their beak onto a branch like a napkin or eating it then eventually popping it out."

And there it is. Sig couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle in response to his friend's rather straightforward answer. "Eeww.."

Carmen's lips curled upwards as she looked back down to him continuing her lecture with her wings flickering.

"The gooey pulp hardens and keeps the seed in place as it begins to grow the mistletoe roots penetrate the bark to absorb water and nutrients from the tree. It doesn't exactly kill the host tree as they are needed to survive but it can cause some damage."

Carmen felt her hands move around while she continued to share her knowledge. "The mistletoe can prosthesis with its evergreen leaves so it does make it's own additional energy. Oh and the mistletoe grow in circular clusters, so if you see round shaped bushes in an broadleaf tree like apple or hawthorn, you'll know."

Meanwhile Sig's followed her hand movements he knew she did that to when she got excited or felt intense emotions but he continued to listen all the same. "That's kind of cool.."

"Oh oh! Wait there's more!" She stops her hand flapping despite the excitement building up, she takes a moment to take out a book from her leather bag strapped to her waist and leg. The same bag Dapper Bones gave her a couple of years go, it was impressive it was never worn down despite she had it for so long.

"There are bugs found in mistletoe you can read from here, two of them are the mistletoe marble moth and the mistletoe weevil, Mama actually found these when harvesting the mistletoe."

This did manage to catch his attention a lot more, he did wonder if there was any bugs but since she had confirmed it, Sig had his hands out hand and claw clenching for the book silently demanding it.

Once it was now secure in his hands, he didn't waste time looking at the pages with the utmost focus. Indeed there were six species of insects living or feeding on the mistletoe. Celypha woodiana.. only one moth. Cacopsylla visci, Pinalitus viscicola and Hypseloecus visci three sap suckers.. Even Ixapoin variegatum the Mistletoe Weevil. This had Sig's hair antenna flicker indicating his joy from this new knowledge.

He couldn't help but give out a flat laugh at the irony that this toxic parasite having bugs feeding on it. "Ha ha ha ha ha... Bugs on a poisonous plant... That's funny but also really neat. How did you know I was gonna think if there were bugs living on this thing..?"

Carmen felt a warm feeling in her chest at how much he was beaming like he was given his present early. Gently clapping, sharing his enthusiasm she replied; "Well I'm a simple girl if I see bugs I think of you and want to share. I knew you would like it."

Sig looked up, his eyes meeting hers for a moment. There was a hint of appreciation in his expression, his lips curved into a small smile.

"Yeah... It's really cool. I didn't know mistletoe could be this interesting. Thanks for showing me this, Carm.." He paused for a moment, as if something in his brain just clicked. "Wait... Why are we standing under the mistletoe, anyways?"

Carmen smile drops and she briefly looks up. Oh right.. that's still there. She got too caught up in her own little world and giving Sig a tour, the mentioned parasitic decoration became absent from her memory.

"Ah.."

"Ah..." He echoed, there was a brief pause before he spoke again. "So... does that mean we have to... do the thing?"

The thing... oh right, the kiss, she didn't think twice to shake her head.

"No! No... We don't have to if either one of us or both are uncomfortable with it. We can step away from it." Carmen says waving her hand, then again she wasn't sure how Sig completely felt about this but may as well tell him he has a choice regardless if what the custom says, who was really going to make them kiss?

She couldn't describe the feeling of her heart easing up and her shoulders slump down as Sig took what she said and stepped away with her following suit.

"Thanks... Wasn't sure if I wanted to do that.." Sig mumbled as they both lean against the wall away beside each other from the mistletoe, no longer under it and the pressure it brings with it's tradition.

A minute of silence with only the sounds of soft chatter and music played in the other room, the others probably guessed Sig began to sleep and Carmen was keeping him company.

"Hey, Carm..?"

She tilted her head to the so to look at the bug enthusiast. He didn't return the gaze, the attention on the sprig hanging there blankly.

"Why do people need to kiss under the mistletoe? I know it was some tradition Amitie told me but I don't remember the details."

The platinum blonde hummed before answering now following the gaze. "Well.. it's a tradition that's been a thing for a long time now. The Mistletoe symbolised romance and luck though it also symbolised fertility."

This somehow managed to make Sig turn his head to look at Carmen. "What?"

He didn't hear about that from Amitie or Lidelle, what does fertility have to do with this?

She hummed once more looking rather passive but there was a glint in her eye that didn't seem very innocent. "In ancient times it was believed to have fertility magic, couples kiss under it to ensure they have the ability to make babies."

Suddenly a thud was heard making her look to see that her book laid there closed on the floor near where Sig stood making her giggle at the sight once her eyes looked up.

His other eyebrow raised up to join the other but eventually they dig down with his face now scrunched up even when he manages to stay calm. While Sig wasn't a stranger to intimate topics as his parents have given him "The talk" but this was not he would find himself be discussing especially with a girl. He felt his cheek heat up tremendously and he let out moan of discomfort in the process which made his friend giggle more.

"Are they.. they still believe in that nowadays?" He asked, he hoped not. Wait why was Carmen giggling...?

Carmen shook her head while the chuckles escaped her, her own cheeks feeling warm as her hands cupped them. "No.. Now's a silly tradition for people who want romance.. my gosh, Sig your face.."

This made Sig's blush worsened once the realisation hit him without thinking twice he picked up the book and lightly bops her in the head. "You're mean."

That didn't deter her laughter but she did accept that indeed she was mean. "Sorry.. sorry, that was too good of a chance to pass up."

Eventually she managed to rein in her giggling and looked at him with a cheeky look on her face. "You can look it up in the book because I wasn't lying about it."

Sig huffed as he felt his cheeks cool down only a little bit but he felt his lips twitch upwards. He did like the sound of her giggling, it sounded cute.

"Nah, I'll pass.. But is that all?"

Carmen exhales and leans back against the wall letting the feathers feel the coolness pressed against them. "Thats all I remember but the bad luck thing came around some other era."

Her amused face dull down back to neutral. "I don't like that tradition, especially the pressure that comes with it."

Sig nodded with a hum in agreement. It didn't seem fun to be pressured to kiss someone of you stand under the mistletoe or want to be at the receiving end of it if you're not comfortable with it with the consequence being bad luck.

Suddenly his breathing became steady and his sudden heavy eyelids drooped down. He only jolted up once he felt himself being shook lightly. "Huh..?"

Turning his head to see Carmen with a hand on his shoulder, she seems to have noted he needed a lie down. "You need to lie down..?"

He nodded with a tired hum leaning on her shoulder for support. If there was one thing he did like about Carmen was that she understood and respected his comfort and didn't complain about his sleep episodes.

Even now he can see Carmen looked around to see if there was anything he rest himself on. He couldn't be on the couch because the front room was occupied by everyone else as well as the kitchen.

The lethargic lad didn't care where he slept either way, he would have slept anywhere. He was certainly liking the now comfortable position he was in on the floor but Carmen's lap as his pillow.

"Would that do?" She asked, keeping her hands on the floor alongside her now taken back book about the mistletoe earning a hum and a yawn from Sig as a response. The increased thumbing he can hear faintly just added the coziness.

"Thanks, Carmen..." He mumbled quietly before drifting out to sleep, the sprig hanging on the ceiling and the warm and rosy smile from Carmen became the last thing he saw before drifting to sleep.

[glitterp0prhaps0dy]

the walls are crumbling

Family and friends hold a significant place in my heart. Trust doesn't come easily to me, as I value promises deeply. Sadly, my trust was once shattered by someone close who broke their promise in the worst way imaginable.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Floyd was sprawled out on the bed, a fresh bandage adorning his nose. He let out a groan, the aftermath of Grog's attack manifesting as a relentless headache. The room was steeped in darkness, a small concession to his throbbing head, per his request.

As the door creaked open, Barb entered, her silhouette framed by the light from the hallway. She carried a bottle of water, which she gently placed on the desk next to Floyd before settling herself on the floor beside the bed. "How ya doing bud?" she inquired with genuine concern.

Floyd managed a weak smirk, despite the pain. "Oh, you know, just living the dream. Getting beaten up by a mountain of muscle was definitely on my to-do list."

Barb cast a sympathetic glance his way. "Yeah... sorry you had to deal with that. Grog's a real piece of work, goes after anyone who doesn't match up to his narrow idea of 'cool'," she shared, her tone carrying a mix of apology and disdain.

Floyd let out a sigh, a hint of melancholy in his voice. "I guess this is going to delay my recovery, huh? Looks like my brother's going to have to wait even longer..." The sadness in his words was palpable, reflecting the weight of the setback.

Barb shifted, her interest clearly deepened by the unfolding story. "Your brother, huh... It's interesting, I've never really delved into why you left. What was it that drove you to take such a drastic step?" She leaned in slightly, her question inviting a level of introspection that hung heavily between them.

Floyd paused, the weight of past decisions and emotions becoming palpable in the quiet of the room. He reached for the bottle of water, its cool surface offering a brief respite as he marshaled his thoughts. With a slow sip, he allowed himself a moment of reflection before speaking. "It was a series of things, actually," he admitted, his voice interlacing with notes of contemplation and rue. "We had this blowout – all my brothers and I. It was about not achieving this 'ideal family harmony' we always talked about. One of those arguments that spirals out of control before you've even caught your breath."

Another sip of water punctuated his pause, his gaze momentarily losing focus as if visualizing the events once again. "But the argument was just the final straw, not the whole reason. I felt cornered, suffocated by all these expectations and my own fears of never measuring up. Leaving seemed like the only way out then, a chance to forge my own path, away from the shadows of those expectations."

Barb's presence was a quiet anchor in the room, her face a mask of empathy and understanding as she listened. "What about now?" she gently urged him on, sensing there was more he was grappling with.

Floyd's response carried a twinge of regret. "Now, I see that leaving was more like running away. It didn't solve anything, just delayed facing those deep-seated issues. And it brought on new ones – the ache of missing them, the guilt over the abrupt departure, wondering how much I've hurt them, especially him." His voice held a new level of insight, the kind that often comes from facing hard truths.

Barb offered a small, understanding smile, her demeanor gentle yet encouraging. "It sounds like you've been through quite a journey. But recognizing all of this? That's progress, Floyd. It shows growth. And hey, making mistakes is part of being a teenager. It's how we learn, right?" Her words, meant to comfort, also underscored the universal nature of growth and the hope that understanding brings.

Floyd gave Barb a faint nod, a hum of acknowledgment escaping him as the pain medication he'd taken earlier began to assert its influence, drawing him towards sleep. He couldned, his face sinking comfortably into the pillow. Barb observed this with a gentle smile, quietly exiting the room. She carefully closed the door behind her, ensuring the room remained dimly lit to maintain the tranquil environment Floyd preferred.

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Barb stepped into the living room, where Riff was deeply engrossed in a battle of wits with the remnants of the demolished wheelchair. He prodded and poked at its battered frame, hope flickering in his eyes, only for it to be extinguished with a heavy sigh of defeat - the wheelchair was beyond repair.

Carol, on the other hand, was immersed in a rather creative endeavor. Her paper was a battlefield of sketches: skulls and stick figures in various states of duress, each representing Grog. The paper was boldly titled "Different Ways to Destroy Grog." It was clear Carol's artistic talents were currently fueled by a thirst for vengeance.

Rebel, meanwhile, was the picture of academic dedication, buried in a medical textbook. She was simultaneously drilling herself with flashcards, a testament to her determination to learn. Her leg was elevated, resting on a cushion - a battle scar from her encounter with Grog. Despite having delivered a formidable blow to Grog's face, Rebel hadn't emerged unscathed; she'd sprained her ankle in the process.

Barb slumped down on the couch next to Carol, a cloud of gloom hanging over her from the whole ordeal with Grog. She let out a deep sigh, her spirits dampened by the recent events. Glancing over at Carol's sketches, her eyes landed on a particularly imaginative doodle: Carol's hair transformed into a chainsaw, accompanied by a note that read 'revenge for him hurting Floyd's hair'. Despite the heavy mood, Barb couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle at the sight.

As the front door swung open, Thrash stepped inside, immediately noticing the remnants of the broken wheelchair and the somber atmosphere that enveloped the room. The usually vibrant energy of the group was noticeably dimmed. "What's going on? Where's Floyd?" he inquired, his voice laced with concern.

Rebel looked up from her medical book, meeting Thrash's gaze with a serious expression. "Floyd got into a bit of trouble at the market," she began, her tone even but carrying the weight of the incident. "We split up to grab some things, and... well, Floyd had a run-in with Grog. It got pretty nasty. Grog didn't just insult him; he physically attacked Floyd. Broke his nose, damaged his wheelchair beyond repair."

"Wow..." Thrash exhaled, the word barely escaping his lips as he processed the gravity of what Rebel had relayed. The shock was evident in his widened eyes, a mix of disbelief and concern flooding in.

Thrash's gaze shifted to Rebel's propped-up foot, a puzzled expression crossing his face. "And what happened to you?" he inquired, concern etched in his voice.

Rebel glanced down at her injured foot, a wry smile playing on her lips. "Kicked the hell out of Grog," she replied matter-of-factly, her tone betraying the underlying satisfaction of delivering a well-deserved blow.

Riff glanced up from the wheelchair fragments, his frustration palpable. "That Grog's a piece of work," he grumbled, shaking his head. "Acts like he owns the whole market. It's one thing to have a beef with someone, but attacking Floyd like that? Unforgivable."

Carol, still scribbling her revenge plans, piped up with equal disdain. "He's nothing but a big, angry, walking disaster. Anyone who messes with one of us deserves what's coming to them. And believe me, I've got some creative ideas for his comeuppance," she said, tapping her pencil against the paper filled with doodles and notes. "Harming Floyd's hair, though? That's a personal attack on all Trolls. It's like cutting off a limb!" Her voice was a mix of anger and a bizarre sense of excitement at the prospect of enacting her plotted revenge.

Barb had remained silent, idly twiddling her fingers, lost in thought. Eventually, she lifted her gaze to the others and voiced a heavy realization, "...Floyd's going to be with us for a bit longer, huh?"

The room turned towards her, absorbing the weight of her words. Thrash replied, with a mix of regret and warmth in his tone, "Yeah, sadly, that seems to be the case. Not that we mind having him here, of course—he's a great kid. But it's unfortunate because it means he'll be delayed in getting back to his family..."

"Oh right, Floyd's upstairs, likely out like a light by now. Wouldn't shock me if that behemoth of a brute rattled his brain enough to give him a concussion," Riff mentioned, concern evident in his voice despite the casual delivery.

Carol, who had been silently doodling, looked up, her expression a mix of worry and anger. "We should've been there sooner," she said, the guilt heavy in her tone. "I mean, what if it's serious? Concussions are no joke."

Barb nodded, sharing the sentiment. "Yeah, and with his leg already in bad shape, this is the last thing he needed. Poor guy has been through enough as it is."

Rebel, still focused on her medical book but clearly tuned into the conversation, added, "We'll keep a close eye on him, make sure he gets the rest and care he needs. But you're right, we need to be more vigilant. We can't let something like this happen again."

Thrash, leaning against the doorway, chimed in, "Agreed. And maybe it's time we teach that Grog a lesson on manners. Can't have him thinking he can just bully anyone who crosses his path."

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I consider you as my friend, witnessing you in pain was agonizing. It stirred a profound anger within me. I have a strong desire to shield those I care about. I promise to stand by you and protect you from harm.

[growwithmeastrology]

Wednesday, May 29th 2024

Sun in Gemini ♊️💨 Moon in Aquarius ♒️💨 and Pisces ♓️🌊

I don’t know about you guys but I had a hard time shutting my brain off last night. If you were like me, and couldn’t sleep, it was probably due to the lunar transits we had overnight. The Moon squared Mercury in Taurus, sextiled Mars and Chiron in Aries, and then went on to square Uranus in Taurus. That’s a whole lot of overthinking, emotional gut punches and just chaotic energy. My chaos showed up when a fire alarm went off in my building after midnight and I had to get up, get dressed and head towards the stairs just in time to hear that it was a false alarm. At least it wasn’t serious.

Mars and Chiron in a conjunction in Aries is the heaviest of all that energy literally shaking things up, asking us to confront deep wounds. Embrace the challenge of this one, you may have some weird, deep thoughts starting early today.

Then we get to contemplate on that all day long with the moon void of course most of the day before it enters Pisces tonight. Dive into the deeps seas of your imagination and dreams and let your intuition guide you. That’s what Pisces is all about. Creativity and compassion are also a part of this lunar energy.

Later tonight and into tomorrow for some of us, the moon creates one more square, this time with Jupiter in Gemini. This can have you questioning your beliefs and ambitions as we find the balance between personal growth and worldly desires.

Try to stay grounded today and just focus on what’s in front of you with that void moon. Now, I’m gonna go back to bed.

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Learn more about your personal energies and how the daily forecast affects you! Comment below⬇️ or DM me for a consultation.

[floral-ashes]

Thought I’d share this review of Gender/Fucking: The Pleasures and Politics of Living in a Gendered Body, posted to Goodreads by a user named Haley:

“Wow, wow, WOW— this is a book that invites you, the reader, not only to learn but also to EXPLORE— it’s a patchwork quilt of memoirs, erotic interludes, and critical analysis, and it’s gripping and devastating at every turn. Florence Ashley, a transfem jurist and bioethicist, is a brilliant writer with a penchant for luscious prose and biting commentary. This collection is equally brilliant, introducing the concept of “academic smut” as a vehicle for telling stories of love, loss, growth, and tragedy against a backdrop of trans identity and intellectualism. As a nonbinary person, I found myself represented in living color on every page; reading this collection left me tear-stained and devastated, and yet immeasurably hopeful at the same time. It’s a storytelling format I could never have predicted enjoying, as I’m rather open about not enjoying erotica as a written genre (with the exception of fanfiction!) due to my own discomfort with first-person-POV sex— however, the erotica here DOES something. It gives a tangible example of the theories and thought-processes that Florence describes in each chapter; it gives the reader an opportunity to imagine sexual dynamics playing out not only in front of them but with them in the driver’s seat, and again— as someone whose queer activities echo some of Florence’s own, it was deeply eye-opening to see myself and my desires on paper that exposes the pleasure, shame, and possibilities that we all partake in.

In particular, I'm drawn to one phrase that Florence concludes with in their "Trespass on the Fox" essay: these are questions without answers. am i open to being loved, to being lovable? maybe. Upon reading that, I had to sit and stare blankly at the wall for a time I can't begin to measure. Not only for the raw questioning of how I exist in regards to love, but for the openness in stating that these words, and all the words in Florence's collection, do not exist to serve as definitive answers of, well, pretty much anything! I've spent the past 18 years of my life entrenched in academia, and the idea that I don't have to always answer "yes" or "no" when asked about my "take" on something isn't necessarily foreign, but it's under-represented in nonfiction works, and it was a breath of fresh air to see it so frankly discussed here.

Though I am hesitant to describe any essay in detail, as I do truly think each entry deserves to be experienced firsthand, I want to conclude my review with an analysis of "Libidinal Vertigo," one of two essays that Florence warns about in their Preface for their potentially-triggering material. It's a deeply unsettling essay for two reasons: one, it discusses famed (or, rather, infamous) TERF (trans-exclusionary radical feminists) scholars like Mary Daly in detail, and their works are ones that have caused me a lot of personal strife as well; two, it explores Florence's (and that of all transfem folx) vulnerability to the very same transphobic rhetoric that most of us wish was contained solely in now-fading academic texts. We (and I use this word here confidently, despite existing not as a transfem person as AFAB and nonbinary) are all deeply susceptible to the internalized transphobia that runs rampant across our social media threads and bathroom-sink conversations. Florence, in protest of Janice Raymond's vitriol, invites us to embrace our monstrosity... echoing a brilliant passage of poetry discussing Frankenstein many pages prior. If they cast us as monsters, without giving us a chance to recite our lines, then perhaps we should acknowledge our hatred— and use it as fuel to empower healing amongst our own.

I cannot put into words how much I recommend this collection; it deserves to be immortalized in the canon of transgender studies, and it also deserves to be passed around amongst friends and highlighted and annotated to no end, the pages themselves becoming a living museum of memory and community. Whether you are trans, cis, or beginning your own journey of self-discovery, this book is a light amongst a sea of uncertainty and darkness, and I highly encourage you to pick up a copy of your own.

Note: I receive a gifted ARC from Clash Books; as always, I was under no obligation to leave a review, and all my thoughts/ramblings are my own <3”