#and he wasn’t able to go to the funeral because of his trial and I am so sick to my stomach after losing my dad I have seen

[antiticketmaster]

.

[pterodactylterrace]

Okay. Let’s start unpacking, shall we?

Aemond: you feel bad he lost his eye and is now permanently disfigured and disabled. Because he claimed a dragon, and 4 other children took personal offense to it. As I have said before, THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE EVEN BEEN THERE. What were 4 children going to do if it was someone dangerous? Die? They never jump him, the whole thing never happens. When one party makes a clear mistake that caused something to happen, it tends to be their fault. They formed a mob and jumped another child over an imagined crime. Had they alerted the guard or stayed in bed, the whole thing would have been avoided. Also, Aemond only uses his “deadly weapon” after Jace whips out a knife. A knife he brought with him. He was planning for violence.

Daemon: killed his first wife, murdered and maimed hundreds of small folk without a trial, married his second wife of his own choice and still didn’t love her, fucked his niece at his wife’s funeral, groomed multiple young girls, almost beat a messenger to death and choked his third wife. That’s just season 1.

Rhaenyra: As I said before, NO ONE CARES THAT SHE HAD BASTARDS. We care that she put them in the succession, which is ILLEGAL. Pay attention when people talk. Literally no one cares she had kids with someone that wasn’t her husband. We care about the treason she pulled. We care about the constant lying. We care that she shows herself to be cruel to a recently maimed child. You really think the same woman that would suggest her younger brother be tortured wouldn’t have Cole gelded and beheaded if he told her father what she did? Ok, that’s a fantasy land. He owed his station directly to her choosing him. There was a huge power imbalance. We watch her continue stripping him while he stands frozen after telling her NO. That’s rape. It doesn’t matter that he eventually went along with it. She coerced him into doing it.

Aegon: We have a fragmented story of something that happened between him and the maid. It is assumed to be rape because Dyana drank moon tea. Her story is that she was getting him his wine, she put it in the table, and then she didn’t see him. She asked him to stop. It bugs me so much that people take this inference and decided Aegon did it, no questions asked, he is a terrible person, but what did Cole say again? Oh, Rhaenyra took his helmet to lure him into her chambers. Refused to give it back, blocked his exit when he tried to leave, ignored him when he says stop and then forces him to look at her. Switch the genders and it’s the exact same situation that happened with Aegon and Dyana, but we don’t see it happen. We watch Cole being assaulted, and people still want to sit there and say it was some romantic gesture. I’m sorry, but trying to leave and asking her to stop and not being able to look at her, is assault. He said “stop”, same thing Dyana said. But because the genders are reversed, Aegon is definitely guilty and evil (though we didn’t even see what happened) and Rhaenyra is just an innocent little thing that can do no wrong, even though we watch her sexually assault Cole.

Maybe we side with the green faction because we have the ability to understand words and shit? We can watch a scene and go “whoa, what was that?!” And realize that women are just as capable of being horrible people as men are? Just a thought.

[tsarisfanfiction]

The Midnight Healer

Fandom: Heroes of Olympus/Trials of Apollo Rating: Gen Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst Characters: Will Solace, Nico di Angelo Not all new campers arrived in the daylight, and it was usually the ones that arrived in the dead of night that needed the most help. Day one of @solangeloweek "Night Light (Will Solace)". This was my second attempt at writing something for this prompt because the first one just didn't want to co-operate, but I really like what I ended up with! This is set somewhen post-Trials of Apollo but could be anywhen afterwards! Reminder that there’s now a discord server for all my fics, including this one!  If you wanna chat with me or with other readers about stuff I write (or just be social in general), hop on over and say hi!

It was dark.  Over the years, Will had got used to the dark – once upon a time it had been unfamiliar to him, a son of Apollo who slept with the sun and then rose with it again the next morning, even before he’d known who his father was, who he was, but then he’d got better and better and better at healing and not all new campers arrived in the daylight.

It was usually the ones that arrived in the dead of night that needed the most help, lingered closest to death and Thanatos’ waiting wings, and Will had long since lost count of the number of times he’d been pulled from his bed at some point during Artemis’ shift, when the sun wasn’t even a glimmer teasing the horizon, because someone was dying and he was their best chance at surviving until the morning.

Sometimes, he wasn’t enough.

Chiron had chivvied him out of the infirmary when Thanatos had come, a god Will had never seen face to face but knew the feel of better than almost any other.  It wasn’t an encouragement to go back to bed and sleep – there would be nightmares, now, if Will even tried – but the old centaur’s token effort to shield him from the loss.  Too little, too late, after Lee, after Joy and Robyn bleeding out beneath his hands, after Elias and Sally battered and clammy and dripping wet with water instead of life in their lungs, after Nathan’s torn off arm and Michael’s abandoned bow.

Being left alone to think after another life lost was no better than preparing the body for a funeral – and Will had done both enough times to know.

A hand caught his as he stumbled aimlessly across the camp, uncaring about the harpies circling – they wouldn’t attack him, never attacked Apollo kids for being out after-hours – and without even looking, Will sank bonelessly into waiting arms.  He couldn’t see in the dark, anyway, never had been able to.  Some Apollo kids could see as well in the dark as they could in the day, but others never got night vision no matter how long they were trapped in the dark – Will had always been the latter.

He didn’t need to see.

Nico’s arms wrapped around him tightly and they fell down into solid earth, through shadows that fought to get at Will but could never touch him, and he let his boyfriend take him wherever he was planning with no complaint.

They reappeared by the Sound, where the crescent of a waning moon reflected in the water, a reflection of a reflection of his father’s light, distorted so much that it was barely the same thing anymore.  Nico guided him to the water’s edge, half-carrying him before setting him down where the waves lapped near-soundlessly against the shore.

When Will slumped sideways, physically drained and mentally exhausted, Nico caught him again, settling him against his shoulder in a comforting hold.  A hand ran through his hair, just once, before lips pressed against his temple and fingers tangled with his own in his lap.

Neither of them spoke.  They didn’t need to.  Nico hadn’t been in the infirmary, hadn’t been summoned to save the life of a camper whose string the Fates had chosen to cut regardless, but the way he’d appeared, caught Will and whisked him away told him that Nico knew, had felt a soul pass from the living to the Underworld, and had come looking for him, because of course Will would be the healer on duty in the middle of the night.

It was always Will.  He was the best healer in the cabin – Jerry showed promise but he was still new, Raphael and Emma had gone home for the fall, and the rest of his siblings were better at inflicting wounds than healing them – but even if he hadn’t been, he was the head counsellor, the big brother.

Lee had never let Will be the one summoned in the middle of the night, always going himself despite Will surpassing him in healing ability after a year or two at camp, and at the time Will had never understood why.  Michael wasn’t a good enough healer to take the midnight shifts but Robyn had stepped up instead, and Will hadn’t understood why then, either – he was the better healer, he’d seen people die, had lost people he’d tried to save, why wasn’t it him?

He understood, now.

It was different, at night, when they had no evidence of their father in the sky and everyone else was sleeping.  When the darkness closed in, fought against the light of healing, dragged souls into Thanatos’ embrace.  When they were the light, not their father in the sky, and sometimes they weren’t enough.

Will would never let his siblings take the burden instead, not as long as he was around to shoulder it himself, the same way Lee, the same way Robyn, and all the other midnight healers before him had.

He wondered if they’d had someone to catch them, too.  If Lee had snuck into cabin ten to cry on Miri’s shoulder, sneaking back out at the first rays of dawn before her siblings awoke, if Robyn had kicked Nathan awake while the rest of them slept to rage silently at the injustice while Michael cursed along with her.

He hoped so.

He’d spent a year suffering the midnight healings alone, the ones where they made it but also the ones that didn’t, whose injuries were too much even for him, on top of the grief from the first war that still threatened to consume him when it struck, and now he had Nico he didn’t know how he’d managed without.

Nico didn’t say anything, just held him as grief and exhaustion crashed down and the tears fell.  Will burrowed his face in the junction of Nico’s throat and shoulder, into soft and worn fabric and cool skin, and sobbed.

[good-beanswrites]

I was looking at your headcanon post again.

#very personal hc but i think yuno stayed outside fuutas cell the first time to talk him down from panic

Would you mind writing a drabble on that?

Okay so uuuuhhhh this one got really long because as I said it was a personal idea I'd toyed around with a lot 😅 It's an outdated headcanon since I was thinking about the restraints in the pv shots being put into place post-T1, but I still wrote everything out as I originally pictured. (I'll never add it to Thermoregulation because it's not accurate, but this is the exact dynamic I was going for between them ;-;)

Fuuta had a lot of nightmares since coming to Milgram. It was bad enough when he was ripped away from his life after a traumatic (but accidental) incident, and had only gotten worse after verdicts were announced and he was plagued by cruel voices in his head. To no one’s surprise, the night that the first trial officially concluded, he was dreaming about death. 

He was at the funeral of a young girl. He tried everything in his power to leave without disrupting the service. He cut through the crowd, ducked his head and shuffled out of the way, but everywhere he turned, he would end up in front of the coffin once more. It was about to be lowered into the ground. The lid suddenly lifted. The girl herself leaned out, grabbing Fuuta by his throat. 

“It should have been you.” 

No one said it, but the sound rang in his ears as he was pulled into the coffin. The girl disappeared, and suddenly it was just him in the darkness, flat on his back, being lowered into the ground. He could still feel her hands around his neck. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. The walls were closing in on him. He cried out, startling himself awake. 

But he was still flat on his back. He was still in darkness. He still couldn’t move. He could still feel the girl’s squeezing around his throat.

His stomach flipped. He tried to sit up with no success. He didn’t know where he was or if anyone would even hear him, but that did nothing to dissuade him from raising his voice as loud as possible to cry for help. For every shout he got out, another was choked by the hands trying to kill him.

His voice was soon met with another.

“Hey, hey! I’m here! I’m right here!”

Its familiarity brought Fuuta back to reality. It didn’t lessen his panic, but he was relieved to know he wasn’t currently six feet under. 

“Yuno! You gotta get me outta here! I’m – I –”

“You’re okay, Fuuta. It’s alright.” There was a gentle rattle on the bars from where she was locked outside. The sound, too, managed to ground him to his position within the cell. He still couldn’t see a thing, but it helped knowing where he was.

He stuttered a few more words through shallow breaths. As much as he jerked his body around, it was held firmly in place. With reality settling in around him, he was able to recognize prison restraints (heavier than the ones he’d grown accustomed to on his uniform) and a blindfold as the root of his situation. It hadn’t been the girl’s fingers around his throat – just another one of the restraints. 

Images from his nightmare were quickly replaced by unsavory movie tropes. He pictured the poor saps that were strapped down to the mad scientist’s table or locked into a military’s torture seat. He was dizzy with panic.

“Breathe, Fuuta! I mean it, you’re okay. I’m right here. You’re not in any danger. Breathe.”

He didn’t. His chest was going to explode with the rate of his heartbeat. 

There came the sound of others murmuring. Fuuta craned his head in their direction, but it did him no good. 

Yuno went on, “it sounds like it happened to the others who were unforgiven, too. Everyone’s safe. This must be the punishment they talked about… But Es did say that there’d be no physical punishment, right? So I think you’ll be safe.”

“L-like I’m gonna trust them!” He let out a rant threatening Es, the prison, and that stupid rabbit. Yuno stayed quiet as he tugged on the belts, cursing his friends for getting him here. He cursed society for letting this happen. It was only when he started cursing himself that Yuno stopped him.

“Take a breath, Fuuta. You’re gonna be okay.” 

“Yuno!” It sounded like Shidou calling her. “She’s asking for you.” 

“Listen, I’m going to check on Mahiru, and I’ll be right back, alright?”

“W-what?”

“I’m coming right back, I promise.”

He felt a wave of nausea at the thought of being left alone. But he also hated the way she’d reassured him, like he was some little kid that needed babying. 

“Whatever. I’m not scared,” he said, even though they could both tell what a lie it was. “Just pissed. This is fucked up.”

“I’ll be back…”

Darkness closed in on him as soon as she left. The distant sounds of the others wasn’t reassuring. He hated not knowing what was going on around him. What if Milgram did have more dangerous plans in store? He’d never see it coming. He gave a few more tugs at the restraints, his adrenaline convincing him he stood a chance against them. 

He was sure Mahiru had a ton of prisoners fawning over her safety – why didn’t he have anyone? 

“I don’t deserve this!” He said to no one in particular. He’d never admit it was meant to convince himself. “Who do they think they are? Who…” do they think I am? The answer was very clear. They thought he was a killer. Him! The guy who couldn’t speak up in lecture hall and had never raised a hand to anyone in his life. Somehow, they saw him as someone to be held down like a wild animal. Someone violent. Deadly. Someone to lock up and throw away the key.

Which brought his thoughts to a new fear. How long would this be? What if the door never unlocked? What if he was trapped in perpetual darkness forever? Didn’t solitary confinement make people lose their minds? What if he went crazy here, deprived of senses and movement?

His breathing had just started to grow uncontrollable again when footsteps approached.

“It’s me.” He exhaled at Yuno’s reappearance. “The others are as okay as they can be.”

“What the fuck. I mean what the fuck.” He didn’t realize how loud he’d been yelling, but his voice was hoarse from it now. His mind was still spinning, his blood still pounding in his ears. “This is inhumane! It’s a violation of…” He sucked in a few more breaths. He could feel the blindfold dampen, and prayed Yuno didn’t notice the tears. “It’s…”

“I know, Fuuta. I know. You don’t need to worry.” Yuno was calm. Not a single tremble to her words. Fuuta didn’t know how she did it. He wanted to continue hating the coaxing sound of her voice. “Just try to relax. I’ll stay with you the whole time.” 

If you don’t go running off to Mahiru again. The thought was bitter and selfish, he knew. But he couldn’t bear one more moment of that suffocating isolation.

To make up for it, he muttered, “how are the others?”

“Hah…” It sounded like Yuno was settling down against the door. “Mikoto was really upset at first, but he’s quieted down now. He seems… different. Amane says she doesn’t mind praying to pass the time. Shidou is staying to keep Mahiru company.”

He grunted, but had nothing more to say. What does someone even say in this position? Even as the panic started to subside, he found only shame in its place. What kind of hero of justice was he? What kind of hero had to be restrained like this for what they’d done? What kind was seen in such a mortifying state in the first place? What kind actually did appreciate the gentle reassurance from someone younger and likely just as scared as him?

“Yuno…” His own voice shook terribly. 

“Hey –” And all the sudden, she was doing that thing where she sounded effortlessly shallow. “Did I ever tell you about the time I accidentally stole some lady’s dog?”

“Eh?” He reeled at the sudden switch.

“Oh, it was so awful,” she giggled. 

Fuuta was in no giggling mood. He tried to get control over his teary voice to ask, “how on earth do you do that by accident…?”

Yuno began her story. It was something ridiculous and likely embellished, but she was a good storyteller. Before he knew it, Fuuta’s heart rate had returned to something somewhat normal. 

She asked him some questions in between more wild tales. He thought they’d already shared everything there was to talk about during the first trial, but Yuno kept coming up with new stories to tell. He almost accused her of making shit up just to keep the conversation going. Almost. He scoffed at her latest comment about a bizarre encounter on the subway.

They talked for hours. His pulse would pick up any time he started dozing off, imagining the possibilities of what could happen if he were to sleep, or if Yuno would leave. He was glad she was taking over the conversation – his fear and exhaustion would have made him the absolute worst company. 

Yuno still stayed. 

Unlike him, she never once let on how tired she was. When asked, she simply replied, “you’re not the first man to doubt if I’ll keep it up all night.” He was too busy fumbling with a response, and she continued her story.

If he laid back and didn’t struggle, it could have felt like they were just normal friends, chatting in the dark before bed. He wouldn’t go so far to say it was nice by any means. It did distract him from his gut-wrenching panic, so he’d take it.

The two were going at it in a debate about music tastes when the morning bell blared. He heard the latch of the door unlock a split second before Yuno was throwing it open. 

“Hang on a sec, I’ve got you…!”

He blinked in the sudden light as she removed the blindfold. Yuno worked quickly to undo the other restraints. She pulled him to his feet. 

Fuuta stumbled a bit – shaky after a night of futile fighting. He shook out his muscles, careful not to fall. His hand rubbed around his neck now that he could finally breathe easy. 

“I bet you’re pretty sore, huh? We’ll have to hold a stretching session this morning! I used to do that all the time. Hm, I think Mahiru said she knew a bit of yoga~” Yuno was in the middle of mimicking a pose when Fuuta crashed into her with a hug. “... ah.”

 “Thank you.”

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 7

“Skin”

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes? They’ve delivered me a twist today. The would be killer in the first five minutes is Dean. If Dean were out to kill me, I don’t think I’d make it. He’s got a pretty good track record, and even if he dies, no he doesn’t. I’m not a rusty nail, so....5/6

You know those times you watch older media and go “man...gas prices were so low back then.” This is not one of those times. Would I rather pay 2.65 for a gallon than the 3.36 I paid today? Sure. But I’m also pretty sure I paid roughly that last time I filled up my car. 18 years not making a whole lot of difference this time.

So it’s some sort of shapeshifter??

Mmmmmmmmmm, “gotta love” how this shapeshifter’s victims are all women *side eyes the writers room HARD* I *KNOW* it’s Supernatural and I should just EXPECT a certain level of misogyny but...fuck.

On one hand I feel bad that Sam is genuinely trying to help his friends and is facing the consequences of doing so in the way he and Dean know how, but...how many times am I going to say “Dean’s right”?

I like shapeshifters when they JUST SHIFT, not when the SHED.

Shapeshifter Dean has a toughness that feels more New York City than Midwestern tough guy. I would have pulled the trigger, Sam.

If it absorbs memories from the people it transforms into, why did it do such a bad impression of Dean?

Becky’s not actually going to go after Dean--Becky’s never heard of a shapeshifter before??? Anyway, after jeopardizing her brother’s trial? Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t let that man in my home after that. Neither of them, really.

I may be rethinking my statement regarding whether or not I’d survive the first five minutes. Because it wasn’t Dean (surprise, surprise It WAS the shapeshifter). And I guess it hinges on whether or not I’d allow the person the shapeshifter transforms into in my house. On top of that, they seem to be chosen based off of how the person it’s shifting into feels about the victim. So, like, not only would the person need to feel some sort of romantic and/or sexual attraction to me, I would need to feel a level of comfort with them that it would be okay for them to show up unannounced at my home. The Venn Diagram of that? Might it be two separate circles?

Gross. I really didn’t want to watch it shed Jensen’s skin...

FINALLY. SOME EQUALITY. (it shifted to look like Becky for a second before turning back into Dean)

Not Dean asking how many times he’d be able to see his own funeral...I wonder how far in advance the writers knew how often they’d be killing the Winchesters

“Been On My Mind” count: nothing again for either of the ACTUAL Winchester brothers. Even the shapeshifter got rejected by Becky.

“Aliens of London”

Man, I bet the TARDIS was just pissed off the Doctor picked up a companion, immediately took her to the time her planet explodes, brought her back to her planet but (not that it was his fault) got the person she connected with the most killed, so it brought them back a whole year after they’d originally left.

Mmmmmm, the first BAD WOLF

Jackie’s such a good mom. I’d be hysterical too if my 19 year old brought a strange, much-older-than-them man into my house and in the same day vanished for a year. The fact that she only slapped him is amazing

Also the fact that she’s talking about who asked her out while the first known and widely publicized discovery of non-terrestrial life is happening because a UFO crashed in the Thames. People really will just people, and I love that they’re allowed to be

OH. HARRIET JONES!!! She’s here! I know she takes a turn during David Tennant’s time, but for now she’s endearing

How did I get two episodes about non-human entities who can transform into humans and both LITERALLY shed the skin tonight??????

Man, poor Mickey really doesn’t deserve this treatment...they didn’t HAVE to make him run into a wall, fall over, and then rock back and forth on the ground. I like my men pathetic, but...that maybe goes over the line

Now I remember why I hated watching these particular aliens. The fart humor (especially alongside the fact that they’re among the few fat characters we see??) just rubs me the wrong way.

The imbalance between Rose and Mickey always sucks. She’s not gone long enough to really miss him, and her life was in danger for so much of that time. He was without her for a whole year, and everyone thought he murdered her when he knew she’d run off with the Doctor. And it’s very obvious even in just these few episodes that he definitely loves her more

Ugh, and the fact hat these aliens come back so many times in this season...I swear this is a two-parter and they come back at least on other time just in this first season. (Thankfully, they get sidelined HARD later)

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (188): Mon 19th Sep 2022

It was the Queen's funeral today and work had given us all 8 hours off in order to go home and watch it but for some reason they still had us come in for two and a half hours in the morning which, to be honest, flew by really fucking quickly. It seriously only felt like I was there for less than an hour before I grabbed my shit and fucked off home again. I stuck the funeral on and I'm sure I join everyone else in thinking that however lovely the day was it was ruined by the presence of the nonce prince. What's extremely fucked up is the people on Twitter who seem to be more upset that Meghan and Harry were there than Andrew. So they basically think that telling Oprah that you think the Royal Family might occasionally be a bit racist is worse than raping a girl and then paying her to shut up. I don't think people quite realize how concrete the evidence against Andrew is given the outcome of the trial. This is a guy who knew that he could literally afford the best lawyers in the world to defend him but he didn't. This means that he knew that even the BEST lawyers in the world would not be able to find a suitable reason why he couldn't be guilty. That's why he decided to settle out of court. I don't understand why Charles did tell the dirty cunt to sling his hook the second he became the King. Anywho, I tried to put this abhorrent bastard out of my mind for the rest of the day and just focus on the ceremony itself (even if the whole time I was secretly hoping Charles would grab hold of Andrew and stuff the fucker in the coffin). Man, this funeral was bigger & grander than Superman's in Batman V Superman & he actually saved the entire world in that film. It seems like everyone in the country lined up and down the roads to get a glimpse of Her Majesty's final journey. I know there's probably a reason why coffins are carried out to that creepy Phantom of the Opera style music but traditions are made to be broken. The person who decreed that this music (that sounds more like the kind of music you'd expect to hear while Nosferatu walks up a stairway) accompany all royal funerals wasn't to know that in 500 years time Eric Idle would write Always Look On The Bright Side of Life were they? That would be a much more appropriate tune to play as someone's coffin was carried out of a church. Twitter was alight with the fact that a spider crawled over the coffin as it was being taken out. Within the space of 10 minutes someone had set up a Twitter profile for the spider which I'm super pissed off at because in the space of one day it's managed to acquire more followers than I have in two years. Motherfucker! (sorry for the language Your Majesty). I'm sure The Queen would have been happy with this send off. It was a lovely service for a lovely woman. The journey this woman went on blows my mind. One morning at the age of 25 she suddenly became the most famous person in the world and has been the only constant for anyone born after June 1953. RIP Your Majesty. A great woman who was all about that bass no treble. After the funeral I tuned into tonight’s Hollyoaks. Early on in the show there was a scene where James was dressed as a giant rat trying to entice people to join Donna-Marie's gym. Later on in the episode Dave was telling his daughter Lizzie that he was concerned that Sid's recent erratic behavior might be down to him being back on drugs. I posted the following hypothetical exchange on Twitter:

Dave: I'm sure Sid is back on the drugs Lizzie: Why do you say that? Dave: He's just told me that a giant rat tried to get him to join a gym!

[michael-drummey]

Achilles x Patroclus Explained: for anyone who needs it plainly mapped out for them one more time.

The Iliad:

-Most obviously there is a Special Relationship between Achilles x Patroclus

-Achilles and Patroclus share a Bed & Tent, Patroclus also does all the  “domestic” work for the 2 of them on top of being a soldier

-”But he had Briseis who he was going to marry”, despite only bragged about her because she was a war prize taken by Agamemnon thus taking his honor, he was “locker room talking for the boys” when in reality he had no sexual contact/dimension/relationship with her yet. He also knew the prophecy he wasn’t coming back from Troy so this is one of two reasons we can say that they have no plans together, (see bullet point one for second reason) and then later he wishes Artemis had killed her way back when they were raiding cities. It is also inferable that Patroclus had planted this seed of thought in her mind to put her at ease with Achilles as well as protect his honor because Patroclus is always there for Achilles (Achilles does take Briseis into his bed in Book 24 but again totally as a spoil of war... she is a conquest not a lover)

-Greeks know Achilles will only listen to Patroclus, Especially Nestor who goes to Patroclus to persuade Achilles to re-enter the fight

-When Achilles receives Patroclus’s body his first thought is to end himself with a sword because he does not want to live in a world without Patroclus

-Achilles’s rage at the death of Patroclus and wishing he had let all the Greeks die and they conquered Troy together

-Refusal to eat & sleep while weeping for days on end in bed with Patroclus’s body

-Andromache’s speech about Hector, forsaking all her other loved ones for her husband, aka her one true love and then Achilles giving the almost exact same speech right after about Patroclus his “beloved”

-Achilles kills Hector (Gods even fear his rage and that such emotion could cause war to end before prophesied) aka Achilles could change fate because he so “grieved” for Patroclus - totally homies right?!

-Achilles drags Hectors body from his chariot damaging and defiling the corpse for days; Angering the gods, to which he doesn’t care

-Thetis then comes to Achilles, to which he wants none of her comfort, during their conversation she also has to suggest AND specify for him to now have sex with a woman and maybe find a wife before his life is over (why does she have to specify “woman” & who/what was keeping him from getting a wife)

-Achilles tosses and turns sleeplessly (body of Patroclus is still kept in his bed) and he longs for Patroclus’s “μένος” (menos) which in ancient greek translates to “Might - Manhood - Vigor - Semen” plainly speaking “Spunk” (both kinds!)

-Achilles reaches to embrace the ghost of Patroclus when he appears before him - desiring to physically touch 

-Achilles plays the role of the woman and/or wife of the deceased when they burn Patroclus’s body on the funeral pyre and then collects the ashes himself and puts them in the golden urn. Achilles then charges the men to do the same to him when he dies putting his ashes in the same golden urn and burying them together so that they will physically be together for all eternity - which does happen

-LITERALLY ACHILLES x PATROCLUS

Most Ancient Greeks, Shakespeare, Artists & Intellectuals:

ACTUAL Greek Artwork from 500 BCE (currently resides on display in Germany)

-There is no reference to this moment in any record or story. In this depiction Achilles wraps Patroclus’s arm while he sits between his open legs, and Patroclus lets his dick hang out, while Achilles’s is visible as well, super intimate for “bros”

-Later greeks assumed or imagined their relationship as Pederastic (An older “erastes” lover & an “eromenos” younger beloved) because that was the norm of that period but no one could definitely decide who was the top and who was the bottom 

**SIDE NOTE They do not have an age gap to support the Pederastic Theory AND after the pederastic relationship ended the men involved married women which we know neither Achilles nor Patroclus had nor plans to do

-Plato totally thought Achilles was a Bottom in his “Symposium” 

-Aeschylus (the literal inventor of Greek Tragedy) portrayed Achilles & Patroclus as lovers in his lost play “The Myrmidons” which was based on The Iliad. Surviving lines from the play are of Achilles speaking of “Patroclus’s Reverent Company, his thighs, and being ungrateful for many kisses”

-345 BCE = Athenian politician, Aeschines states in a speech during his trial that Homer didn’t have to say what they were because 1. the Greeks were more sexually fluid then 2. there wasn’t a word for “Homosexual” 3. Homer was a storyteller and ANY educated man knew what they were, like its THAT obvious

-Alexander the Great and his lover Haphaestion (this is a whole other can of worms still being fought) liked to think of themselves, and referred to each other as “Achilles & Patroclus”

-Shakespeare features the two in his play “Troilus and Cressida” in which Patroclus is called “Achilles’s Brach” aka “Achilles’s Bitch”

-Renaissance Artists & those onward armed with their skill, knowledge, and obsession with all things ancient painted numerous depictions of the two, usually scenes of Achilles receiving Patroclus’s body, and for “buddies” they sure love painting them showing A LOT of skin

-By roughly the 1960′s & 70′s historians and scholars started talking about them openly again with the

“ARE WE READY TO STOP PLAYIN’ AND OPENLY ACKNOWLEDGE THEM AS ‘YOU KNOW’”

  All joking aside we still have a select number of Historians, Scholars, and Hollywood still holding out:

-What about Briseis!? (see above) they both also do sleep with a woman each but sadly here they are seen more as conquest and war prizes than actual lovers - again there is a fluidity

-Achilles was a HERO! Best of the Greeks -He’s always shown as A MAN’S MAN! YET in a separate myth (see Achilleid) his mother Thetis was able to hide him among a group of girly girls on Skyros to which he was perfectly disguised and has a one night stand with the princess again showing their regard for sexual fluidity. ALSO Do not disrespect that he was a manly hero and a femboy! This also explains how his son comes to be - again this is a completely separate myth and origin

-Could they be cousins!? (NO)

-**Closing Eyes** Homo-erotic? WHERE? “Item Not Found”

-”Well all we can say, there is no source, Homer never explicitly stated that Achilles and Patroclus were a couple or had a sexual relationship that we can find in the source material so... I am choosing to ignore all context and blatant evidence, as well have no heterosexual explanation for them either...  you’re just reading into it too much”:

EVERYONE who has a brain and has read The Iliad:

As for myself having read the Iliad, studied this Art, History, and Culture, as well as having a BFA; when you know, YOU KNOW. Feel free to share, use this as inspiration to read “The Iliad” if you haven’t already, think critically, and study up on your own!

IN CONCLUSION = THEY GAY & THE OTP !!

(Highly Suggest “The Song of Achilles” as well)

[autobots-and-their-crazy-kids]

Possibly Transformers Animated Biggest Weakpoint...

…is how it pins all the blame on Optimus Prime for the Archa 7 Event! 💔🕷🕸 

For those that need a quick reminder on what the Archa 7 Event is:

*Sentinel had an idea to go to a forbidden planet that has a Decepticon Warship full of energon and wants to bring Elita and Optimus with him on this mission. 

*Elita agreed cause she was curious about the warship’s history and how it works. 

*Optimus was reluctant, but gave into peer pressure and also because he wanted to protect his ‘friends’. 

*Giant hostile alien spiders attacked them underground. 

*Optimus got lost, but found the energon. 

*Elita found Optimus. 

*Optimus told Elita to help him use the explosive energon as a weapon against the spiders. 

*It works, but all the underground caverns were starting to explode. 

*Optimus and Elita tried to escape, but Elita’s download of Optimus’ grappling ability expired and she fell. 

*Optimus tried to use his other grappling hook to reach her, but he failed. 

*Sentinel runs in in time to see Elita fall and he tries to save her, but Optimus stops Sentinel and forces them both to leave the caverns before the final explosion consumes them both.

*Elita watches this while fighting the spiders. 

*Elita downloads the spiders’ organic venom (despite Optimus’ warning) and becomes the techno-organic, Blackarachnia. 

*Optimus and Sentinel couldn’t find her on the spark radar, cause of her recently created organic half. 

*Sentinel blames everything on Optimus, like a jerk. 

*Blackarachnia blames Optimus and Sentinel, ignoring her own part in her organic spider corruption. 

*And even Optimus blames everything on Optimus. 

*Optimus says that he was the leader of the mission during his and Sentinel’s trial and takes full responsibility for what happened. 

*Ultra Magnus expels Optimus from the academy. (Although, Ultra Magnus should’ve been smart enough to figure out that it wasn’t ‘goody-two-shows’ Optimus’ idea at all and he’s clearly covering for Sentinel...)

*Optimus meets the other main characters and then later the story of TFA happens... 

Frist, let’s talk about Optimus Prime’s PTSD and depression: 

*Despite his name, Optimus rarely seems to smile or be happy in general; he’s stoic and usually hides his true emotions. 

*After Archa 7, he gains a messed up case of arachnophobia that’s so bad, even fake spider toys can trigger his PSTD memories and either startle him or cause him to attack in self-defense. 

*He’s also clearly suffering from Survivor’s Guilt, considering that he completely blames himself for what happened to Elita. 

Now, let’s talk more about how Blackarachnia and Sentinel basically gaslight Optimus: 

Sentinel Prime: 

*It was all Sentinel’s idea, but Sentinel lets Optimus take the blame for everything, including Elita’s fate. 

*Sentinel ignores his own responsibility over what happened on Archa 7 and he only says that he’s sorry that they ever went to that spider planet, after encountering Blackarachnia; Sentinel conveniently forgets to mention that they only went to Archa 7 because of him. 

*Sentinel also doesn’t seem to really care about Elita all that much anymore (even before he knew about her turning into Blackarachnia) and he was also willing to let Optimus join the Elita Guard Autobots, if Optimus makes Sentinel look good in front of Ultra Magnus... I honestly have no sympathy for this dude what so ever... he deserves worse then what he got in the end. 

Blackarachnia/Elita One:

*Yes, her being left behind is tragic and unfair, but in the end... Blackarachnia has honestly nobody to blame except for herself for her permanent transformation. 

*It may have been Sentinel’s idea, but Elita was almost just as willing to go to Archa 7. 

*Optimus warns her not to use her download ability on the organic spiders, but she does it anyway later on... Why? Why did she do that? Why the frag did she think it was a good idea to absorb spider venom?! 

*Both Elita and Blackarachnia are shown to be kinda reckless and selfish. 

*Blackarachnia also doesn’t care about the possible lives she ruins/destroys/betrays in her attempts to cure herself or experiment with science, even if they’re people that haven’t even wronged her. (Like Sari, the Dinobots, Wasp and all of Detroit...) 

*Despite this, Optimus tries offering her chances to redeem herself and even helping her find a cure, but she keeps rejecting his offers and continues to be a jerk. 

*She blames Optimus and Sentinel for everything that happened to her, but she refuses to accept her own responsibility on the Archa 7 Event. 

*Blackarachnia doesn’t truly have to forgive them, but she should at least be aware that her becoming Blackarachnia is technically her own fault. 

*She’s like the personification of that saying: “I suffered, why shouldn't they?”

Optimus Prime: 

*Now I’m gonna be honest, Optimus isn’t completely blameless; he could’ve told Ultra Magnus or one of the teachers what Elita and Sentinel were planning to do, before they did it. 

*But instead he went along with it anyway, cause he was somewhat of a pushover back then. 

*He also should’ve at least tried to find Elita’s body to give a proper funeral. 

*But other then that, he’s the one least responsible for what happened compared to the other two. 

*He told them that they shouldn’t go to the forbidden planet and he warned Elita not to use her download ability... but do either of them actually listen to him? Nope! 

*And yes, Optimus did leave Elita behind while saving Sentinel from the final energon explosion, which was a messed up thing to do... But I understand why Optimus did it; the explosion was quickly approaching and there was no way that they would’ve been able to save Elita in time... If Optimus and Sentinel went down there with Elita, all 3 of them would’ve died in the explosion (at least that’s what Optimus believes, considering that Elita does survive)... Optimus knew this and was forced to make a choice that he wasn’t happy with making... When Optimus grabbed Sentinel and forced him to leave Elita behind to save themselves, it was honestly the most realistically heroic option... 

*And yet it sometimes it feels like the show itself views Optimus as the one who was 90% in the wrong during that whole situation! 

Don’t think Ultra Magnus is free from some blame: 

*The guy is supposed to be the ruler of Cybertron and/or the ruler of the Autobots and yet he’s so stupid sometimes... 

*He made Sentinel his literal second-in-command; no smart nor sane person would do this. 

*Optimus is usually a goody-two-shoes, a rule follower (unless he feels that he needs to take action) and has the best grades in the academy and Sentinel was probably some kind of troublemaker... yet Ultra Magnus believes Optimus, when the younger Autobot lies that it was his idea to go to Archa 7?... Megatron treated Optimus with more respect then Ultra Magnus ever did, and Megatron was trying to kill Optimus! 

And so, I end this post with one last little saying: 

[mysticalrambling]

Hello

I m new on your blog and read your work and i fell in love with your stories. I read you were interested in taking request so can you take my request too? I was wondering if you can write a steve rogers x reader, where y/n is his girlfriend and he leaves her after civil war and then they see each other in infinity war, he tries to patchup with her but she ignores him because in past he often compared her to peggy and also because she knew about him kissing sharon and she is hurt. During the fight she doesn't talks to him and when tony returns from space she still continues to ignore Steve and when he confronts her she snaps at him for hurting her for a long time. He apologizes and somehow they makeup and also him kissing sharon was misunderstanding because sharon kissed him. And then they are happy together and also in endgame the reader is worried steve will stay in past but he comes back and they get married with the team present and have kids and live happily

Happily Ever After (S.R)

A/N: Thank you so much lovely and I loved the plot line. I loved writing about it and I made a few additions to the story. Hope you like it and I am open to more requests.

Steve Rogers Fanfiction (Fanfiction Master List)

Summary: Steve comes back after Civil War and you are angry with him because he left you. You do not forgive him because you thought he cheated on you and he always compared you with Peggy. But he returns from the past when he chose you over Peggy and you forgive him. You eventually get married and expand your family.

Warnings: Angst but eventual fluff.

._._._._.

He stood right there in his Captain America shield with all his former glory. Your ex boyfriend looked the same but there were some differences like he had a full grown beard and he was more muscular. He kept staring at you with longing and pain but it was not even the half of what you experienced while he was gone.

“(Y/N), you need to take the position left to Steve.” Tony pulled you out of your trance and you just stared at him when you comprehended his order. He had been there for you from the moment Steve left you after the Civil War. Sitting with you when you couldn’t sleep at night and forcefully feeding you when you spent the whole day starving. He didn’t want you anywhere near Captain but you both always worked best together and there were much more important matters at hand.

“But Tony, I can be with Steve.” As much as Rhodey wanted to be away from all of the people that were responsible for his fall, he didn’t want you to suffer. They all had seen you fall apart on the Avenger base when you realised that your boyfriend left without saying good bye to you and without an explanation. Just telling Tony on a voice message to take care of you wasn’t enough.

“I’ll be okay, Rhodey. You are needed near the buildings so if some of the aliens escape our defenses, you can be there to protect the city.”

All of the avengers kept stealing glances at the both of you because they knew that it was only a matter of time before you exploded. But they were wrong. You were not the stubborn, hot headed woman that did not let anyone walk over her. That woman died when Steve left. He took her with himself.

"Take your positions and give them hell." Steve and you made your way towards your designated place.

"(Y/N), listen to me. I-"

"Do not talk to me. We are done." Keeping your eyes trained on the path, you avoided meeting his eyes.

"But, let me explain. I did not have a choice. You sided with Tony and I couldn't tell you that we were leaving." He tried to catch up with you but you were a woman on a mission.

"I did not side with Tony, I sided with the accords. And I was working my ass off to get you all out of there and I looked like a fool in the end." He collided in you as you abruptly stopped in your tracks.

"(Y/N), I didn't know-"

"You didn't know because you never tried to contact me. I was the one who had to go through multiple trials with the government because they thought I helped you all to escape." There were tears pooling in your eyes and Steve wanted to kill himself for being the cause. "I was benched for four months, for Gods sake."

You are reminded of those horrible times when you didn't know what your next step was going to be. The others tried to help you but you had to suffer through all the criticism alone. Some days you just wanted to leave it all behind and start a new life. But you weren't a coward. You wouldn't let anyone run over you like this and ruin your life. Getting back up was tough but you managed it. The day that you were allowed back on the field was the day that you decided you were not going to let anyone ruin your life.

"(Y/N), I made a mistake and I missed you so much." He tried to touch you but you flinched. A look of hurt passed his eyes and retracted his hands.

"Let's just fight. I want to kick some ass." The war crafts soon landed and you all got to fight. You had to admit that Steve was one of the best teammate that you had. He knew when to defend you and when to let you attack. You were busy fighting two of the aliens when one came from the back. Steve saw it and immediately came to your defense. You were never going to admit it but you missed this.

When the fight ended, you both made your way towards the main compound and saw all the avengers gathered together. Steve and you only had minor cuts throughout your body but nothing major. The moment you saw what all the commotion is about, your breath hitched. It was Tony with half of his skin burnt and taking his last breath.

Kneeling down beside him, you started crying. "Hey, it's okay. Just be happy and do not hold on to old grudges. Take care of family for me, please." Pepper was beside you and she started crying harder when she heard him. "Steve, come here for a second."

"I am so sorry for everything. You will always be my friend, Stark."

"We both were in the wrong, Cap. For what it's worth, do not lose (Y/N) because she is the best thing that has happened to you."

Tony was on his last breaths now and you both moved aside because Pepper wanted to have some last moments with him. There were some rifts in the team since the civil war but at this moment, you all were in this together. Tony was the one who brought you all together and saved many of you from your abusive lives. He was your best friend and you didn't know how you would spend your life without his sarcastic comments and his new inventions.

"You go, Tony. We are going to be okay. I love you." The words that left Pepper were a mere whisper but because of the pin drop silence, you were able to hear her.

"I love you too," Uttering his last words, he finally closed his eyes and all that could be heard were Pepper's wails of agony. Everything after it was a blur; the med bay, the briefing, the funeral. Time seemed to pass you by and you were numb the whole time. It was like a large piece of your heart was torn away from you and you didn't know how to react.

"(Y/N), can we talk?" Natasha lightly knocked on your door before you muttered a small come in. She looked around the room and noticed the lack of pictures in your room. The warmth that once radiated from your room was now gone. There were pictures of you with the team, with Steve and with Natasha. You liked to capture all the memories and it was one of the things the team loved about you.

"Hi."

"Hello. I just wanted to see how you were doing after everything."

"I am fine. Just processing everything." The loose thread on your blanket was the main focus of your attention right now.

"You don't seem fine. I know you, (Y/N)."

"No, you don't." Scoffing at her ridiculous statement, you felt anger bubbling inside your chest. "You were one of the first people who became my friend when I came to this tower. You knew I couldn't live without Chris and you. You both were my support system."

"(Y/N), I wanted to tell you everything. Believe me, I did. But we had to keep it a secret because we had to protect the other avengers as well."

"I have been listening to this reason from the past few days and I am done. I was ready to help you guys and you could have just contacted me once. I didn't know if you were dead or alive."

"I am sorry. I wanted to do it but it was never the right time. Half of the times you were surrounded by government officials. Can you forgive me?" The red head came and sat next to you on the bed.

"I can but I don't know if we can go back to the way things were."

"It's okay. We will be friends again. And as a new friend, I just want to tell you that Steve was miserable these past two years and he loves you so much."

"I don't want to talk about him, Nat. Let's go to the gym and spar."

"I am going to kick your ass as alway, (Y/L/N)."

"I have been practicing, Romanoff." You both went on to sparring and Natasha won in the end. However, the whole day you kept thinking about your ex boyfriend. He had been trying to talk to you from the past two weeks. It was hard for you to ignore him but you were now reminded of the times when he compared you with Peggy.

The small things that you did was always met with criticism like Peggy did not work in the field like this or Peggy wouldn't talk to him like a brat. Apparently, she was the mature one and you could never compare to her. Most of the times, you tried not to let the comments get to you but you were human. He might have done it unintentionally and you didn't want to hold it against him. But it hurt.

"We are going to talk today and you are not going to run away this time." He blocked you in the kitchen when you came out of your room to drink some water.

"Funny how you are saying that I am the one that is running away. Hypocrite much now, are we?"

"(Y/N), I am apologising to you because I can't live without you."

"You did so well for two years, I don't know why it is a problem now."

"I understand that you are angry with me. I wanted to be with you so bad but my duty as Captain prevented me from it." Your face was turned away from Steve but you turned towards him when you heard the words leave his mouth.

"Your job is more important than me?" Enraged, all you could see was red and you wanted to punch the daylights out of him.

"I thought it was but not anymore. You are the most important thing in my life and I don't want to lose you."

"Well, you have other women in your life so you don't need me."

"What other women?" Steve's confused gaze swept over your face when you spit those words out.

"I know about Sharon. You kissed her when we were still together. You cheated on me and I hate you for it." Pointing your fingers at his chest, you didn't realise when your voice started to rise.

Steve held your hands and pulled you close to his chest. "Sharon kissed me and I immediately backed off. I would never cheat on you."

You couldn't believe your ears right now. This was one of the things that helped you get over Steve. Believing that he cheated on you, made it a lot easier for you to despise him. Granted that never happened but it was still easier. However, he was still stuck in the past and he did not want to admit it.

"Even if Sharon is not a problem, you are still stuck in the past."

"What do you mean?"

"You are still in love with Peggy and I can not be your second choice anymore."

"Peggy has got nothing to do with this. She is dead and I love you."

"But I would have never been the one you loved if Peggy was here."

"That's not true. You both are totally different people and I love you now." Steve didn't know how to explain it to you. The things he felt for you were totally different for what he felt for Peggy. You made his breath hitch and his heart pounded whenever you smiled at him. He was so in love with you that he didn't think it was possible to love someone this much.

He knew that he compared you with Peggy before he left but at that time he was not ready to leave the past. It was unfair of him to do that to you while you tried very hard to meet all his expectations. However, he realised afterwards that you did not have to meet any of his expectations because you exceeded all of them. He felt so guilty and he just wanted to have you back in his life and forget about all the things that happened.

"I don't believe you."

"Please do. I want us to be okay before I go to return all the stones."

"You do that and then we can talk about us." He gave you a quick peck on the cheek before you could say anything. You were pretty sure that would stay back with Peggy and that's why you didn't want to reconcile things. You didn't want him to break your heart again.

"Ready to go, Cap?" Scott asked as he rechecked the time machine again. Everyone glanced at each other when he said that because they all thought that Steve might remain in the past for Peggy. They all had their doubts but everyone was scared to say them out loud. "You only have five seconds to get back before you are stuck."

"Ready." He glanced at you one last time and stepped in to the machine. You held your breath as Scott counted out loud and when he reached the number four, you were sure that he wasn't coming back. You were about to turn back when a snapping sound echoed throughout the room.

"I told you I will come back." Coming to a halt right in front of you, you couldn't believe your eyes. You pulled him in and kissed him ferociously.

"I love you."

"I love you too and remember that no one compares to you. I am really sorry."

"It's okay. You passed the test." When you both kissed again, all of your friends cheered for you.

As time passed by, you realised that Steve was the best person you could have possibly ended up. He was the literally the man of your dreams. Waking up to him every morning, cuddled up in your bed to going to bed with him kissing you goodnight. Steve made you breakfast every morning even when he was getting late and weekends were only reserved you.

The day that he proposed was still so clear on your mind. You remembered how he was nervous for a week that you thought something was seriously wrong with him. He would stutter and sweat when you got too close to him like it was a new relationship. There was a barbecue for the whole team on the compound and you all were gathered around the garden with drinks in hand. Everyone was enjoying it to the fullest when out of nowhere Steve knelt in front of you with a ring in his hand. After listening to his speech, you said yes with tears in your eyes.

"Are you ready?" Natasha asked you as she smoothed down your wedding dress that you spent months picking out.

"Yes." Pepper helped Morgan with the flower basket because the seven year old wanted to be the flower girl.

"Okay, then it's time." Walking down the aisle was worth it when you saw the adoration flicker in his eyes. He said some of the most heart warming words that had you ruining your eye makeup. It was a beautiful ceremony that only included close family and friends. You wanted a private wedding and you announced it to the world the next day. They all went crazy but the positive response was overwhelming to say the least.

Four months in to the wedding, you realised you were pregnant. Natasha was the one who sat beside when you waited for the test while Pepper brought a million of them for you. You were scared to tell him because you never discussed the possibility of having kids in detail.

"Just tell him. He is going to be ecstatic." Natasha tried to soothe you when you started crying with your face in between your hands.

"Okay. Steve will be home anytime soon."

"We should probably get going." Pepper and Natasha made their way towards the door and gently closed it.

"Hey, babe." Kissing you on the cheek, he immediately went to the washroom to take a shower.

"We need to talk."

"Sure. What's up?"

"I am pregnant." Blurting it out was not what you had planned but you couldn't think of another way. He stopped folding his armor midway and just looked at you with disbelief in his eyes.

"Are you serious? Oh my god. When did you find out? I am so happy, baby."

"I found out about an hour ago. And you are seriously happy?"

"Of course, I am. We will have a mini you or me with us in nine months. I love you, baby."

"I love you too." Keeping his hands on your stomach, he hugged you tightly and you knew that you got your happy ending. You were one of the luckiest people alive because you have a husband like Steve and now you were going to have family with him.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

._._._._.

A/N: I love Captain America and I was happy to write a fanfiction about him. If you guys have any more request, I will be happy to write about them and message me if you want to be added to the tag list.

Taglist: @justile 

Like, comment and reblog.

._._._._.

[yinyangswings]

Hanging off the Ledge

Fandom: Assassin's Creed Unity

Characters: Arno Dorian, Reader, Elise de la Serre (mentioned)

Pairing: Arno x femReader

Notes/Warnings: Implied thoughts of suicide, drinking, mention of vomit, used Google translate for my French so forgive me on that

Word count: 3088

Summary: You knew that there would always be trials when you fell in love with Assassin Arno Dorian. Knew that he had demons within him. What you didn't know was that your own demons would rear their heads at a vulnerable moment after an argument with him. Nor did you know that it would be Arno who finds you standing on the ledge of the South Tower of Notre-Dame, staring down at the streets of Paris.

She wandered around the streets of Paris. The moon mingled with the lamp light, the sound of men singing from the bars, dogs barking, a cat hissing from an alleyway.

She didn’t really notice.

“You’re going to get yourself killed if you keep being reckless like this, Arno!”

“For fuck’s sake Elise, I’m not a child!!”

She frowned, wrapping her arms around herself. The argument itself wasn’t a new one. She thought he was being reckless and he, as usual, didn’t appreciate being coddled. And if she was being truthful with herself, this hadn’t been the first time he had called her Elise by mistake. Right after she had died, he would call her that on a nearly daily basis. She had red hair. Elise had red hair. For a man who had been drinking away his sorrows, it hadn’t been a surprise to get the both of them confused. But as a few years had gone by and he had grieved correctly he had stopped. She had thought, naively apparently, that maybe he was beginning to move on. When they had gotten together she had thought that maybe he actually loved her. That, while Elise would always have some part of his heart, which she had expected, she could share with the ghost of his former lover.

But that seemed like it was a lost cause.

He doesn’t love you. He loves Elise. He’ll always love Elise over you. If he could save her by sacrificing you, he’d do it without hesitation.

She felt her eyes begin to burn and she roughly rubbed under them, pointedly ignoring the voice whispering in the back of her mind, but was pushing into her mind like a nail. She slowed when she found herself in front of Notre-Dame, the large building looming in the square. It wasn’t a church anymore. Some cult now ran it. The Cult of Supreme Being, if she remembered correctly. It was dark, signifying no one was likely in there.

Perfect.

She worked the door open and slid into the shadowed building. She remembered being a child and coming here once with her father and brother. It had been a beautiful cathedral, the stained glass glistening down upon the pews, the statues, the soft hymns of the choir.

She had gotten in trouble for staring too long, but she couldn’t help it. It had been a comfort for her.

It was now a shadow of what it once was. A daily reminder of the mistakes of this country. Of the change that had happened.

Just like you. You’re a mistake.

She found herself walking up the stairs in the back, her footsteps echoing despite being as quiet as she could. Several staircases, unlocking some doors, and climbing more stairs later she found herself in one of the towers, staring at the bells.

It was so quiet, only the wind passing through the room seemed to sing its song. She slid her hand across the one bell near her, feeling the chill of bronze soak into her hand. She jumped when her foot kicked something and she looked down to see a small crate of...wine bottles?

“Oh for God’s sake. Really?” She muttered, bending down to look at it more closely. It looked like someone had had the idea that no one would look for wine in an abandoned church.

Well...at least no one who wasn’t an assassin and knew how to pick locks.

She hesitated for a moment before she flipped the bottle over and looked at the label. It wasn’t even a good year. But it would do. She worked the cork out and took a swig, grimacing at the taste. She took another swig.

You’re useless. It’s no wonder your father died hating your existence. Why your brother died hating you.

And another.

You’re a disgrace to the Creed and the Brotherhood.

And another. The wine tasted bitter and she knew that she should stop, but it was helping with the pain, numbing it.

Arno will never love you. He will never see you as anything more than a replacement.

She coughed violently as she choked on the wine, not able to tell if the burn in her eyes was because of that or something else. She sank back, sniffling slightly and coughing at the burn. The voice was relentless.

Usually she could ignore it, plaster on a smile and carry on her day. But now…

Now…

Wouldn’t it be better if you just ended it?

As though to bolster the suggestion a sharp breeze rushed past her, creating a mournful sound through the tower she was in and she looked towards the opening.

And she took a step forward.

--------------

Arno Dorian was not in the greatest of moods as he jumped from roof to roof. The argument was still fresh in his mind. He understood Y/N’s point of view on the whole thing, but he felt that he wasn’t a child that needed to be coddled. He was an assassin, just like her. He hadn’t appreciated her scolding him, but looking back it hadn’t been a critique but more of a worry of hers. And he yelled at her, making her leave their room and the Café. Which was why he was running around Paris like a lunatic in the middle of the night looking for her to apologize. He had considered waiting at the Café but after three hours, he began to grow worried. Even at her angriest, she hadn’t been gone that long.

His desperation was growing in stature when she wasn’t in any of her normal spots that she would go to. He was about to head back and see if she had made it back to the Café when the moon peeked out of the clouds and illuminated Notre-Dame. He spotted a flash of red on the top of the South Tower. He stumbled to a stop, looking up, squinting to get a good look, before hurrying over to the church, making short work of getting to the top.

Sure enough it was Y/N, sitting on the railing of the tower. She glanced over her shoulder, before looking back out towards the city.

“Bonjour Arno.”

“There you are.” He huffed, landing on the roof of the tower, a frown on his face. He took a step and blinked as he kicked a wine bottle, watching it roll away from him.

“...Fancy a drink tonight?”

“Casse-toi. Like you’re any better.” Y/N slurred, taking another swig from another wine bottle, swaying slightly in the wind.

“Y/N, get off the ledge.” Arno said evenly, despite his heart threatening to pound its way out of his chest. “You’ll fall, Cherié.”

She cackled, though there didn’t seem to be any humor in her voice.

“Wouldn’t that be…” She hiccuped. “Wouldn’t that be une tragédie? I’m sure my funeral would have a grand total of...one attendee; moi! They might even bury me, or they’ll just dump my body into the Seine.”

She laughed again though he frowned.

“Y/N.”

She glared at him, before rolling her eyes, and pointedly ignoring him, taking a swig from the bottle in her hand. She was silent, staring at the few people of Paris wandering around, unaware of the two assassins sitting above them.

“Suppose I’d need to avoid some random passerby though, oui? Can’t...can’t hurt an innocent because of the Creed.”

It was as if cold water had been dumped on him.

She couldn’t mean...she wasn’t seriously considering...

“Y/N, get off the ledge.”

It wasn’t a gentle request anymore. She scoffed, standing like a child who was being called home during a riveting game of tag and didn’t want to. She swayed and stumbled on it, drawing closer to the edge.

“And if I do that by jumping off? No stacks of hay down there that I can see.” She asked good naturedly, her voice amazingly calm.

“Y/N, don’t joke like that.”

“Who’s saying I’m joking?” She hummed, twirling in an unsteady circle, swaying backwards. Arno dashed forward, grabbing her arm and yanking her back onto the roof, the bottle falling out of her hand and disappearing over the edge. He could only hope it didn’t hit anyone below as his arms folded around her, holding her close as she began to fight against him.

“Avez-vous perdu la raison?” He snapped. “Why would you even consider killing yourself?!”

“Because the place would be better without me!”

Arno staggered backwards as she kicked at his legs, his mind reeling, trying to catch up with the situation, but unable to comprehend it.

“What are you talking about?! Do you know how devastated we’d be if you died?!”

“Who, Arno? Who would fucking miss me!?” She cried, fighting against him. “My family is gone, Arno! My brother died hating me because of the reason I was even brought into this world! Father hated me because I killed Mother! Name on fucking person who would care if my brains splattered on the steps of Notre-Dame below!”

“Me!”

To that she let out a laugh that could have been a sob.

“You? YOU!?” Her voice went into hysterics. “You don’t give a damn about me! You never did!”

“Y/N, what’s gotten into you!? Of course I-”

“I’M NOT ELISE!”

He went still and he released her in shock. She stumbled away, but didn’t attempt to jump off the ledge again. She seemed to curl into herself, tears sliding down her face as she looked at him.

“You think...you think I’m stupid? Or blind? You don’t think I don’t know that you see Elise every fucking time I fucking turn and you see my hair, or when we spar, or...or argue? You think I’m that blind to not see that ache in your eyes every damn time you even look at me?? For fuck’s sake Arno, you’ve called me her damn name tonight!” She inhaled sharply, trying to stop crying, but failing. His eyes darted from side to side, replaying the argument earlier in his mind, before his eyes widened.

“Y/N, I didn’t-”

“Do you know how much it hurts trying to pretend I’m happy, when I’m reminded daily just how unnecessary and unwanted I am in this world? How much better you and this world would be without me? You want Elise back so much but I’m not Elise. I can’t be her. I can’t even begin to compare to her.” She whimpered. “I’m an assassin, but I was literally only born to be that because my brother was too sickly to be one. And despite that, despite working day in and day out to prove to him I could be a good assassin, I know that my father didn’t even want me! So...so why even bother being here? No one wants me, Arno. I’m just...just this big mistake...I...I…”

“Ma Cherié…” He said, his voice suddenly rough and he hurried over to her, pulling her to him again. She struggled for a moment, beating at his chest to get him to let go. He did not, digging his hand into her hair to keep her still. “Ma Cherié, no.”

“Let go, Arno!”

“No. Not until you listen to me.” He said. “I know I make mistakes. Too many to count. I hurt you so much without even realizing it. And you are the most patient woman to not murder me in my sleep for that.” He trailed off, swallowing noisily, “Oui, there are times I think about Elise, and wonder what life would be if she was still alive, and oui sometimes there are moments where I see her in you.”

She struggled against him again and he thanked the wine running through her right now. At least he could get her to listen to him.

“But that doesn’t mean I’d be better off without you. That I don’t want you here.”

She went still.

“I love you Cherié. I love you so much. You don’t deserve all this pain and weight I’ve put on your shoulders. Especially with Elise. There are similarities between the two of you, but the differences outweigh them. Christ...I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve anything you give me.”

He moved her head away, cupping her face in his hands, brushing away the tears that were sliding down her cheeks.

“I don’t deserve waking up with you curled up to me and if I try to leave the bed, you hold onto me because it’s not yet time to wake up in your mind. I don’t deserve listening to you hum as you’re fixing a stitch in our robes while leaning against me, or your laughter when you’re sparring and you’ve pinned me. I don’t deserve having you scold me for being an idiot on a mission, yet having my back on said mission. I don’t deserve any of that.”

She stared at him and he gave a desperate laugh, his eyes glittering in tears.

“But even though I don’t deserve it, every day you bless me with those tiny memories. How could I be better off without you?”

She inhaled sharply, tears sliding down her cheeks. She let out a soft keening sound, closing her eyes tightly as a sob tore out of her throat, silencing the voice that was begging her to just pivot and jump.

“I can’t Arno...I just...I…I...I don’t know what to do.”

She heard him inhale shakily and felt him kiss her brow. He seemed to be shaking as well. He pulled her back into a hug, and she didn’t resist this time, just sobbing, face pressed into his shoulder.

“...Let’s go home.” His voice whispered into her ear after several minutes, rough as though he was holding back emotions. She nodded weakly, and he lifted her and carried her away. Before she could even object, he was walking down the stairs and past the bells of Notre-Dame.

She didn’t remember how exactly they got back to the Café Theatrë. She did remember having to stop several times in alleyways to puke her guts out from all that damn wine she drank. She remembered that Arno’s touch never seemed to vanish. Whether it was holding her hair away from the vomit, rubbing her back as she heaved, or holding her close to make sure she didn’t fall flat on her face when she stumbled away, he was always touching her.

The last thing she really remembered was going up the stairs to their room, being laid down on the bed and feeling a kiss against her temple. The next thing she knew, the sun was beaming into the room and her head felt like it had been used as a drum.

She let out a groan and curled up under the blanket, trying to rid herself of the headache. Distantly she heard a soft chuckle and then the clink of a cup on the nightstand.

“Can’t say I envy you. I know from experience it isn’t fun. Though this is a change in roles from what I usually remember.” Arno’s voice said softly. She muttered an expletive and peeked her head out from the covers. Arno sat down on the edge of the bed, offering a smile.

“Whatimeizzit?”

“It’s close to noon. I figured with the amount of drinking you did last night, you earned your sleep.”

Y/N groaned, covering her face with the blanket again.

“Come on. Let’s get some food into you. I promise you’ll feel much better.”

“If I ever go towards a wine bottle again, you are free to spank me.” She muttered, finally leaving the cocoon of blankets and Arno smiled.

“Oui m'dame. Granted, while it is a tempting offer, I have a feeling that’s not going to happen anytime soon.” He said and she snorted, instantly regretting it and cursed under her breath. He chuckled softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead before handing her a pastry.

“Eat.”

She wasn’t really hungry, but nibbled on it anyways, glancing over at him as he watched her. He was just staring at her as though making sure this wasn’t a dream and she was actually sitting in their bed alive and well, despite the hangover. He had dark bags under his eyes, which were curiously bloodshot. He was wearing the same clothes he had been wearing the night before. Almost as if he hadn’t...

“Did you stay up the entire night?” She muttered in surprise, realization dawning slowly in her hungover brain.

“...I wanted to make sure you didn’t try and leave to go back to Notre-Dame.” He finally said and she grimaced, looking away.

"Je suis désolé, Arno. I didn’t-”

“No! No, don’t apologize...just...is that the first time you’ve...that you’ve considered that?”

She shrugged.

“I’ve never gone as far as I did last night...but there’s always that voice in the back of my head saying that everyone would be better off if I wasn’t around...I don’t usually listen to it. But it was just...so loud last night. It drowned everything else out.”

“Y/N…”

She shifted away, embarrassed. He swallowed roughly before cupping her face, brushing a thumb against her cheek bone. She leaned into his touch, finally looking up at him.

“If it does happen again, if that voice becomes too loud?” He asked softly. “Find me. I meant what I said last night. I love you. I don’t deserve you, but I love you. And I’ll spend every day I have remaining telling you that. So find me, and I’ll put to rest any worry you have.”

She nodded, closing her eyes as he kissed her forehead, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, and then very delicately her lips, before resting his forehead against hers.

It wasn’t a clean fix. There were still problems that needed to be discussed. Issues that needed to be talked about. In the future he would have nightmares of wondering what if he hadn’t gone looking for her, if the next day they had found her body at the steps of Notre-Dame, and waking up in a cold sweat to check and see if she was still there next to him, still breathing. For a while after, she couldn’t go near Notre-Dame, couldn’t even take a sip of wine before her stomach revolted at the contents because it reminded her of that night.

But right then and there, it didn’t matter.

She was sitting there breathing, and in his arms.

And that was all Arno Dorian cared about.

--------------

Translations:

Bonjour : Hello

Casse-toi: Fuck off

Cherié: Sweetheart

Une tragédie: A tragedy

Moi: Me

Oui: Yes

Avez-vous perdu la raison: Have you lost your mind?

Ma Cherié: My Sweetheart

Oui m'dame: Yes Ma'am

Je suis désolé: I am sorry

[skywalkerstyles]

The Scorpion and The Frog(Yandere!Villain!Bakugou x reader)

Warnings: yandere! Bakugou, villain!Bakugou, crime, mentions of murder, mind games, therapy sessions, taunting

You were so nervous you were shaking. Of all the things that could have happened on your first day at Jaku Medical Center, you had to get the case file for Katsuki Bakugou.

The notorious villain, King Explosion Murder. 

He’d finally been caught, after years of terrorizing civilians, Pro Heroes Deku and Shoto had finally been able to take him down. He was confined to the hospital pending the results of a mental evaluation to see if he was set to stand trial. 

The DA said he was, but you couldn’t believe a man who slaughtered with no remorse and destroyed cities, was anything but insane. 

“If you don’t think you can handle it, we can give the case to someone else. But this is the time to prove yourself. This case could be huge for you.” Your supervisor had said. You didn’t believe him though. Anyone with any sense would be terrified to have to work with the villain. He was brash and cruel and from the murmurings you heard at lunch, he was extremely violent and even more volatile now that he was trapped and caged, in quirk cuffs twenty four hours a day. 

He was a lion. Taken from freedom. 

And now you would have to enter that cage every tuesday. 

“Don’t worry ma’am,” the security guard smiled at you reassuringly. “He’s chained to the table, he can’t even kick you. And I’ll be right here outside. Just holler if you need me.” You nodded, trying to still your racing heart. You didn’t want him to sense your fear or know of it. You need to be calm and remain professional. 

When you walked in the room, the first thing you saw was his unruly blonde hair, you averted your gaze when his eyes lifted to meet yours, but you heard the low chuckle he made as you sat across from him. The camera was already set up and in position. You pulled out the tape recorder and the notebook you had. Sighing, you took a deep breath and turned the camera and recorder on. 

The Following Documents are for the express purpose of medical research and is the sole ownership of Jaku Medical Rehabilitation Program and Facilities. Dr. Y/N L/N is currently responsible for the recorded sessions with Patient 0427 and are intended for use in legal proceedings regarding the aforementioned patient. 

Patient Name: Katsuki Bakugou

Leading Dr.: Dr. Y/N L/N

Diagnosis: TBD

Session One Transcripts from audio and visual recordings:

Bakugou: “Dumbass. You got anything to say?”

Bakugou: “You ignoring me?”

Bakugou: “Come on. Play with me sweetheart. If you’re gonna be this boring I won’t have any fun.”

Bakugou “If my hands were free I’d get you to look at me.”

Bakugou “Hey! I’m talking to you-”

Y/N: “My name is Dr. Y/N L/N. I am here with Patient 0427. It is monday, june 17th. Please. State your name for me.”

Bakugou: “Tch. Eat shit and die.”

Y/N: “Just state your name please.”

Bakugou: “You know my fucking name already.”

Y/N: “Humor me.”

Bakugou: “Tch. Bakugou. Katsuki Bakugou.”

Y/N: “Patient has never been examined before. We will be diagnosing him for the purposes of court and whether or not he is fit to stand trial-”

Bakugou: “You sayin’ I’m crazy?”

Y/N: “Well….If you're not crazy, you’re definitely going to prison and possibly death. My job is to determine whether or not you can just stay here.”

Bakugou: “So you do think I’m crazy? Huh? Is that it? You think you’re better than me?”

Y/N: “Sit down Bakugou….I would like to keep this as professional as possible. Please.”

Bakugou: “Whatever you say Princess.”

Y/N: “Dr. L/N please.”

Bakugou: “Has anyone ever told you that you have a nice face? You do. Really nice. I want to see what you look like when you cry. I bet you’re really pretty then. I bet you look even better when your face is scrunched up in agony and pain.”

Y/N: “You like to provoke people don’t you?”

Bakugou: “I like to see people’s reactions...If I burn someone, say, on their arm. I want to see their pain. I want to see their tears...It’s...exhilarating. Having that kind of power over someone.”

Y/N: “You hold the power. Their life in your hands….Do you think of all your victims as beneath you?”

Bakugou: “Hm….maybe. I know I’m the best. Better than that shitty nerd you all call a hero.”

Y/N: “You mean Pro Hero Deku?”

Bakugou: “Yeah….That one.”

Y/N: “Why do you hate him so much?”

Bakugou: “Have you….ever seen a dead body? Not when you're at a funeral. But a real, fresh dead body? Have you?”

Y/N: “Um...That is….That isn’t what we’re doing here.”

Bakugou: “I know why you’re here….You want to know why I killed all those people.”

Y/N: “You destroyed a business-”

Bakugou: “I accidentally let my quirk off.”

Y/N: “You and I both know it wasn’t an accident.”

Bakugou: “Do we?”

Y/N: “Bakugou this isn’t funny! The DA is chomping at the bit! He’s just waiting for me to find you sane so he can lock you up and throw away the key! If you want me to help you, you have to trust me.”

Bakugou: “.......”

Bakugou: “This could be fun….I like you.”

Y/N: “Just answer me this. What makes you so different from other villains? Because the DA doesn’t think you’re any different than they are. That’s what he’s going to argue. That you’re cold, callous and knew full well what you were doing.”

Bakugou: “I did know-”

Y/N: “Answer my question.”

Bakugou: “Feisty huh? I might like that….and I’m not like those other scum. My motivations for the things I do are very simple. Even a dumbass like you should have been able to figure that out, but I guess even with your degree, you’re still just a useless extra.”

Y/N: “What makes you different?”

Bakugou: “Fuck….I don’t know. I just know I’m not a gutter rat….When villains kill….They have a motive, money, jealousy, emotions, business. Not me. I could give a shit less about all that stuff.”

Y/N: “Then why do it? Why cause harm? Why cause destruction? You have a great quirk. It’s brilliant actually. You could have done so much good with it. Why choose to be a villain?”

Bakugou: “Because it amuses me…..Seeing their faces, the fear, it’s adrenaline. You get addicted to it….once you take that first life...when you see the light  go out of their eyes….The power trip is better than anything….even sex.” 

Y/N: “So you don’t care about the outcome? The people you hurt? As long as it amuses you?”

Bakugou: “Bingo. We have a winner.”

End of transcript

You sigh, sitting back and shutting the tape recorder off as the guard standing outside the door, knocked lightly. 

“We’re done for the day.” You shout. You can feel Bakugou watching you, it’s unnerving, you have to physically stop yourself from shuddering under his fiery gaze. The guard comes in, unlocking Bakugou’s quirk cuffs from the table and helping him stand on his feet. 

Bakugou wasn’t much older than you. But the way his eyes shown with disgust and hatred, made you feel like he had lived a long time, he had seen and done things that were unmentionable. It was an uneasy thing to look at him, to see that proud sadistic smirk on his face and the dominance in his eyes. He knew he made you uncomfortable and he was feeding off that fear. 

“That was fun Doc. But you never answered my question. I think it’s only fair. Since I answered yours.” Tears glossed over your eyes as he chuckled darkly, before being led from the room. 

[1994sunflower]

Hi lovely 💕 I absolutely love your heaven to you series I was wondering if you could write something where you and Mikey and going at it and idk maybe ash or cal walk in on you and Mickey doesn’t stop so there just standing there watching him raw you idk maybe you can make it better than I said lol xx

merry christmas eve everyone! i wanted to post this early today so you would have plenty of time to read it without it interfering with your holiday plans. i hope you all love this as much as i loved making it & consider this my present from me to you.

in which ashton walks in on you

In hindsight, maybe sending Michael those dirty pictures wasn’t the best idea. Especially riling him up when he was in class when you knew he already didn’t pay attention. But, no matter how happy you were that he did what you asked and went anyway, you never really considered just how frustrating it was to be alone when all your classes had already finished.

Especially how frustrating it was when you were alone and horny. You couldn’t even waste the time by studying because your mind would always stray to him, his intimidating size, his cold eyes, his mocking smirk, his cock, the way he would pound you so roughly and perfectly that had you seeing stars and hugging onto him just right. You needed that right then. You wanted to be under him, letting him do whatever he wanted. You wanted him to satisfy you. 

God, what had he done to you?

You weren’t exactly sure what got you so tense but all you knew was that you were aching for him. Really though, you blamed how long it had been. School had been so hectic and both of you had so been busy that you haven’t had sex in weeks. Which was honestly a feat for both of you, considering how often you went at it. It wasn’t for the lack of Michael trying either but you were always quick to shut him down and focus on studying, making him do the same. Now though, you were the one that was insatiable. 

Even without him there, as you posed in those unquestionably suggestive poses (one on your knees, the other on all fours - ass sticking out behind you, the last with your legs spread), you could practically feel your panties sticking to your wetness. 

You needed him. 

And after sending them, you had giggled in his empty home. You’d been there since that morning before he left for class and you were excited just how much easier it would be for him to get straight to you after class. However, that excitement turned to eagerness when his reply came through. Always a man of few words, his message still rang loud and clear if the butterflies in your stomach were anything to go by.

mikey

i’m gonna fucking stuff you full when i get home

It was exactly what you wanted. You whimpered to yourself as you read and re-read his filthy words. You ground your pulsing clothed pussy against his bed, hating that you barely felt anything at all if the feeling didn’t come from him. You couldn’t even get yourself off without feeling your need for him grow even larger.

-

You were in the kitchen when you heard the key rattle of the doorknob. It was mischief that kept you in your place instead of going to meet him like you wanted to, like you’d been anticipating all hour.  

So when the cup of water in your hands was suddenly snatched away roughly, you couldn’t help the naughty smile at the expected reaction you brought out in him, even if you were turned away from him and couldn’t see his exact expression. But still, you whined as if in objection and lifted yourself on your tip-toes, reaching up to get your drink back.  

And you were finally face to face with Michael. A very frustrated Michael if his blown out pupils and tense jaw was anything to go by. But it wasn’t so surprising to you that his expression only served to have you aching more for him. 

He held your cup above both of you, his height allowing it to be out of your grasp even on your tip toes, even when you tried to jump a bit for it back. And if he hadn’t known better, maybe Michael would have mistaken your whimper for one of disappointment. But he knew better. He knew your all of your filthy, horny sounds especially when you were starkly reminded just how small you were compared to him, just how much power he held over you because of that.

So he didn’t hesitate to wrap his rough hands around your neck, effectively stopping all of your movements. And his frustration seemed to multiple tenfold at your widening eyes. Like a shocked little girl. 

“When did you turn into such a whore?” There was that cold, mocking smirk you begging to see. 

Neither of you missed the way you rubbed your thighs together at his words. “I’m sorry daddy. Just want your cock.” You never could keep up the facade of being a brat for long. Not when you knew being a good submissive girl would have him giving you what you wanted quicker. 

His eyes trialed down to your lips sensually before he leaned down and gave you a bruising kiss. One that had you quickly forgetting about your cup of water and instead had you all but leaning completely into him, savoring the feeling of his lips on yours and his wandering tongue. Leaning as high as you could on your tiptoes to meet his lips, your hands were traveling his chest and torso, trying to feel as much of his as you could. You felt him pick you up easily. 

It’d been too long and he had been needy as well, but was holding it in to give you time to do your work but it seemed you had finally caved and were just as tense as he was with the need to get off. He had made sure a long time ago that you wouldn’t ever be able to get off without him, he was the only one your body would respond to as he had trained it to do, the only one that could give you release. 

Thrill was the only thing that filled you when you felt your back hit wood, maybe that’s why you didn’t care that it was the kitchen table you were over. As you stared at Michael hovering above you, you couldn’t get yourself to chastise him as you normally would have; you were normally so respectful of shared living spaces, especially ones everyone would eat on later on. But as Michael’s expert hands undid your bra to leave you bare before him, all you could be was excited for what was to come and thankful that Michael was just as weak as you to give you what you wanted without delay.

“Never gonna listen to you and go to class again.” He muttered as his roughly spread your legs. You weren’t sure if he was mad at your earlier stunt or just too turned on to be gentler, but you didn’t mind. “I could have fucking opened those pictures in front of others, or is that what you wanted? Wanted those motherfuckers to see something that’s mine? See what a useless slut you are without me? You would’ve been the cause of their fucking funeral.” Definitely still mad. 

He pulled you hair roughly, exposing your throat as you leaned back and stared into his eyes. But nothing could hide the horniness swirling in his eyes, or the poke of his hard cock against his jeans on your inner thigh. You tried to wiggle your hips to ground against his cock but were met with only air, causing a wanting whimper to leave your lips. Michael spread your legs even further, dealing with his own clothes in the process. He could pretend all he liked but his quickness to get inside you spoke for itself. 

“Do you know how hard I was in the middle of class? After all the times you told me to go to class, you can’t even let me focus on learning. What a bad influence you turned out to be, little one.” His voice was taunting but you could only focus on getting him inside you faster. All the feelings of desire you had when alone in his room, that drove you to send those pictures in the first place, had come back tenfold.

Your breath hitched and you clenched around nothing, his previous swiftness had turned into a torturous stalling and you were sure he was doing it on purpose. But as if the dirty visuals you had sent directly to his phone were what was driving him, he finally took a hold of your hips and entered you. You were so wet you didn’t even need any foreplay. You were shaking with excitement. This was so much better than what you had tried home alone without him.

“Is this what you wanted?” He asked, his hand moving to your neck deliciously. His words were spit out sarcastically as your eyes rolled at the fast thrusts that had your body moving from the momentum. Your tits were moving with the rhythm of his thrusts and it was easy to see his eyes drawn to them. The table under you creaked with Michael’s strength.

But you couldn’t even answer him, your mind was jumbled in the bliss of finally getting what you wanted. His tight grip around your neck and rough thrusts was just a bonus. But the feeling of him against your tight walls, the sound of skin on skin sounding throughout the house had you in a haze. Only moans filtered out of your lips.

Michael’s hips moved skillfully as he stood between your completely spread legs, leaving you totally exposed for him. You were turned slightly to the side as he drilled into you, his hair falling in front of his eyes as he watched you carefully with hard eyes. Small grunts left him. He sucked in a breath. “That’s good, little one. Shit your cunt’s dripping, I’m going to wreck you.”

Maybe he was just as equally in a haze as you were. The need you had planted in him had driven him wilder than he let you believe. Maybe that’s why, in that vulnerable position he had you in, when you opened your eyes slightly you were the first to notice Ashton at the end of the hallway that led from the front door. His eyes were wide, keys still in hand and his mouth was drawn open. 

You couldn’t be sure how long he had been standing there. Only that he hadn’t said a word to stop you or announce his presence. It was his shock that prevented him from speaking, surely. 

For all the years you and Michael had been together, you were so cautious to never be caught, especially by Ashton who you respected enough to never purposely want to put in this position. This embarrassing position. Suddenly you were acutely aware of just exactly what Ashton was seeing. You were completely bare before him, only covered by the parts that Michael’s own body hid from view and maybe his large frame would be swallowing your small one more effectively if he had been leaning over you more but he wasn’t. Your face was washed in pleasure as your boyfriend, his best friend, drilled into you relentlessly. The way Michael had your legs spread guaranteed him a good view. You couldn’t even stop your moans in time so he was seeing and hearing every last detail. You’d never felt so exposed.

There was a battle within Ashton. It had started since the moment he walked in and heard you, then seen you two. His first thought was to announce his presence and tell you to find a room, or maybe to leave himself. But he couldn’t even fully develop that thought before he took a good look at the scene and he had trouble opening his mouth at all. With all his racing thoughts, it was hard to pick one to know what he was feeling but the drying of his throat as he heard your melodious moans and as he saw the way Michael had you submitted to him, body made easy to fuck and as he saw the pleasure before him, he had a good idea of just exactly which emotion was winning. His body sure knew anyway. And that part of him didn’t want to stop this.

But you took it upon yourself to do what he couldn’t. “A-Ashton” 

You hadn’t meant to moan it out but with Michael’s thrusts never ceasing, it was hard to get anything out any other way.

It was a token of how lost in you Michael was, how focused on your pleasure and the feelings he hadn’t been able to have in weeks, that he hadn’t even noticed Ashton, his presence or your notice of his presence. So hearing his best friend’s name, or any other man’s name, coming from your mouth in a moment as intimate and sexual as this was disorienting. And infuriating as he felt a lick of jealousy and possessiveness creep into him. 

His eyebrows furrowed as he tightened his already steely grip on your throat. “What the fuck did you just call me?” His thrusts never lightened and he heard you scream slightly, back arching, as he made sure to reach a crevice he knew would have you seeing stars. He didn’t know what you were playing at, whether you were trying to be a brat again to get him to go rougher but he quickly decided just how much he hated hearing you moan another man’s name while under him. Not when this was something only he had the right to do, the only one who had ever and will ever be with you in this way.

“N-no, no Mikey, Ashton h-he’s….” You trailed off but one of your hands reached to cover his that was on your neck and the other extended to point beside him. 

You watched him finally look over to where Ashton stood. You were biting your lip to prevent more sounds from escaping you as you saw him and Ashton finally make eye contact. You noticed when Michael leaned forward slightly, covering you up much more from Ashton’s gaze. And then you realized with horror that he hadn’t stopped thrusting in and out of you and didn’t seem like he was going to anytime soon. 

Michael hips didn’t even falter when he saw his best friend watching him with wide eyes, a blush now adorning his cheeks in embarrassment and in reaction to the sinful sounds coming out of you. Try as you might, moans and whines still left your mouth for Ashton to hear, powerless but to respond to Michael’s stimulations.

Maybe if it was anyone else, Michael would have covered you up completely, preventing any man from being able to see your body, something only Michael should have access to. Maybe if it was anyone else other than his best friend he would completely eclipsed your small body with his large one, possessively. But it wasn’t anyone else, it was Ashton, whom he trusted so much. So he made no move other than to hide you just a bit more, trust or not, he wasn’t going to allow Ashton to be able to see all you. He didn’t deserve it, not just yet.

He continued thrusting into you, more deeply than before. The sound of skin slapping still echoed throughout the house. Michael’s stoic gaze didn’t leave Ashton’s and his tone when he spoke never wavered, it almost sounded like he was having a normal conversation. “Are you going to get out or just stay and watch?” He saw your mouth drop in surprise, eyes wide and embarrassment filling into your eyes.

Ashton didn’t respond, wasn’t sure if he physically could even if he tried. But Michael didn’t wait for it either, after a few seconds of silence and of him not moving to leave, Michael’s gaze left his, almost disinterested, and returned to your whimpering figure. 

You couldn’t believe what Michael was doing, what you were letting him do. If there was ever a time that embodies just how much he was corrupting you, this would be it. This situation that you would’ve never otherwise been in without him. And what was worse was how much you liked it, you couldn’t deny the heat spreading through your body, how much wetter you were getting, the way you clamped down on Michael as the situation really set in. Your body was powerless but to respond to his rough thrusts still ravaging your body, how full you felt by him. It was hot to know Ashton was seeing just how good Michael was making you feel and was experiencing Michael’s dominance. Your eyes slipped down before you could stop yourself and you saw the bulge in Ashton’s pants. He was liking it just as much.

Maybe that’s what took away your embarrassment, at least hid it for the moment being. Or maybe it was Michael slapping your cheek. “Look at me.” His voice was just as dominating as it usually was and your whine was just as needy as it usually was. Your hips began moving of their own accord, desperate to meet his thrusts. You were forgoing any hint of shyness at your desperation being seen by someone else. You were too far gone, all you cared about was feeling Michael’s thrusts and getting to the release you had been needing for so long.

You heard Michael’s mocking chuckle. “Guess someone will see how much of a submissive whore you are, after all.” It felt as if your heart skipped a beat at his words.

Ashton was seemingly mesmerized. He hadn’t meant for his answer to be to stay and watch but he didn’t think he could move to leave, even if he wanted to. The only time when he felt as if he snapped out of it was when he saw Michael slap you. He always knew Michael was rough in bed, it was hard not to imagine when he overheard him so many times through the paper thin walls. But to see you welcome such degrading and rough treatment almost wantonly was an image that seemed to cause his already hard dick, strain even more against his pants. Especially when he had only ever seen you as a shy, quiet girl. This was a new side of you he had never expected would have even existed. 

Suddenly he understood why Michael was with you. It shouldn’t have made sense. You were too different. You were too proper and sweet, much too much to ever be a part of something like this, and Michael was too violent and angry. Just watching Michael’s heavily tattooed torso and chest come into contact with your lower body with every thrust, you resembled a girl getting taken by the delinquent of whatever story you were a part of, one that should’ve never had you in that way, one that you should’ve never even looked twice at. Not for the first time, Ashton wondered how Michael had gotten someone like you. But as he watched you submit so easily to Michael, as he saw you letting Michael take you raw, the way your wetness was dripping around your inner thighs, his hand around your throat, his tattoos clashing almost violently against your completely bare skin, heard you crying out in pleasure, he knew that no matter how, Michael had ruined you, tainted you and made you to be perfect for him, the perfect slut he could fuck however he wanted because you wanted it just as much. Your body was his for the taking. Your sweetness made you the perfect fit for him. And he made sure you would never be content with anyone else ever again. 

Ashton always wondered just how you two worked, with you being so tiny compared to Michael but now, he couldn’t help but watch just how your small body was taking him in. Though it couldn’t have been entirely with ease, he could tell with the roughness of Michael’s grip and thrusts, as if fighting against your walls to be able to bottom out inside you. He could see the way Michael fit tightly inside of your tiny cunt, the way you looked almost stuffed with his size each time he bottomed out in you. You looked so small under him, you almost looked like a doll. And somehow, knowing Michael was stretching you open made everything so much hotter. 

And maybe he would’ve been able to hold out, just content with watching the tangle of moaning bodies in front of him and hearing the chorus of your moans and skin slapping, but then he heard you whimper out “Daddy, don’t stop.” and he had to physically hold back a groan, his hand coming up to palm himself above his jeans. Your voice was so filled with hazy pleasure that he didn’t know how Michael didn’t cum right then and there. It seemed as if Michael was fucking away your care about being watched, the pleasure was too high. He was rendering you dumb, unable to hold a thought still in your mind.

Michael made it clear he had no care about an audience; nothing could take his attention from you in these moments and he didn’t mind showing off just exactly what he did to you - what only he has ever done to you. Which is why he had no qualms about making you moan loader.

Grabbing a hold of your hair, he pulled you up off of the table and to your feet, regretfully pulling out of you. You didn’t even have the time to whine in disappointment before you were being practically flung onto the couch, landing with your knees bent on the seats and your hands and face over the backing of it, ass facing Michael’s approaching figure. 

You couldn’t help but notice, with a blush, how much closer it was to Ashton. Part of you wondered if it was done on purpose, to rile up Ashton all the more, give him more of a show or if it was just to get you to a more comfortable place like Michael would’ve likely wanted you to think. It was easy to forget what was happening before, to not remember that you were currently being wrecked in front of your boyfriend’s best friend, letting him see everything, you naked and willing like a submissive slut. But now, it was impossible not to see and be aware of just how exactly you were being exposed for their pleasure when you were directly across from him and it was wrong to be aware of how much your pussy heated up with want and how you clenched around nothing while Michael took his place behind you. His heavily tattooed upper body just helped him look even more daunting behind you at his full height, towering over your cute figure easily and vastly. 

He took a hold of your hips before quickly entering you again, easy as if it was his rightful place. But he stopped his own movements once he was buried in you to the hilt. He groaned out under his breath when your hips circled, crying out for more. “Good girl.” He muttered before he began hammering into you with a speed you had been dreaming of. After weeks of nothing, this felt so so good. And despite the fact it looked as if Michael could have been ripping you apart with the size difference, you were taking it so well. You were so little, if Michael pulled you up against his chest, even at the elevated position you were in then, you’d barely reach his chin. And he knew the reason Michael wasn’t doing just that was because no matter how much he trusted Ashton, he wouldn’t let anyone experience you entirely, he’d never completely expose you like that to anyone else.

Your eyes closed almost immediately at the sensation, your head thrown back allowed Michael to take a hold of your hair to keep you still. He pulled just enough for it to hurt and your mouth dropped open, the bruises on your neck from Michael’s hands visible. The hungry screams that escaped you from his vigorous thrusts didn’t embarrass you, you had given up trying to silence or lower your sounds for Ashton’s sake. But your screams of ecstasy still reverberated through the house. They were breathy and full of desire, feeling your body move to match Michael’s. You couldn’t think straight enough to formulate words.

But then Michael pulled harshly on your hair again, “Open your eyes.” And when you did and met Ashton’s gaze directly, you felt yourself blush, at least having the decency to feel a little embarrassed at your weakness in front of him. And by his blush and almost pained expression at his own desires arising, you couldn’t tell for which of you Michael’s orders were more degrading for. “Tell him how much you love getting fucked by me.” 

You sucked in a breath. There you were, gazing at Ashton eye to eye as your body moved from the thrusts racking your person as your grunting boyfriend was behind you, fucking you without mercy. Not caring that he was doing all of this in front of his friend. In fact he didn’t look the least bit embarrassed or uncertain. He never had issues doing things publicly or where you could get caught and even in this extreme he looked unbothered, as if this was just any other time you had sex. He didn’t care about being watched, especially watched making you feel good. Because he never cared about other people or their opinions, even in moments like these. You were the one and only exception in his life so his only focus was your pleasure and experiencing you as he saw fit. And the possessive part of him wanted to make it clear to everyone that it was him that was doing this to you, fucking and destroying you so well. That he was the only one that knows and will ever know your body, he had claimed it and you making it so you were conditioned to always respond to him and only him; and you were powerless to stop it. He wanted them to see how submissive you were for him because you were his. 

Your hands clenched into tiny fists on top of the couch, your mouth open as you continued to whimper and moan, face furrowing every now and then as Michael’s thick cock reached a particularly deep part inside of you. You couldn’t even hide your face as Michael held it in the air by your hair to keep your eyes on Ashton. You couldn’t help but see Ashton gasp at Michael’s request as well, his hand in his pants moving faster than before.

It was almost too much, too dirty. But when Michael moved to be further on top of you, his chest leaning directly on your back so he could whisper in your ear. “You’re just my fucking cocksleeve that I can use whenever I want.” 

Maybe it was his words or maybe it was the way the new angle made him, with every slowing thrust, hit your g-spot every time. You could feel him against your tight walls, fitting so perfectly in you. But your face scrunched up in pleasure, a particularly loud moan leaving you, your eyes never tearing from Ashton right in front of you. 

He saw everything, every little reaction you had as your boyfriend fucked your small body so good. He could only see your face and torso as Michael large body completely eclipsed yours. Your size difference was never more obvious to Ashton as it felt as if Michael would break you in an instant with how weak and little you were to the point where he completely overtook you. Just a little more and he wouldn’t even be able to see you over Michael’s tattooed back. That knowledge was very clear in your mind as well and you loved it. Especially to know that Ashton was a witness to how you were completely dominated in all senses and protected by your big boyfriend. All you had were thoughts of pleasing and obeying Michael. 

“I-I love it when he f-fucks me.” You told Ashton, watching how his eyes widened, dark with lust and his hand moving faster. Michael continued thrusting into you, not making his request of you speaking easy, spreading your ass as he did which made you gasp out whenever he bottomed out inside of you sharply. You writhed forward at his thrusts and feeling but he kept you in place, preventing you from moving forward and away, keeping you at the perfect angle where he could move as deeply and as quickly as he wanted in you, using you for his pleasure just as much as he was providing it. His thrusts were sharp and precise. Your head fell downwards at the pleasure of his hips, moaning, but never for long before he pulled you hair to have your head up in the air and eyes on Ashton yet again, back to the humiliating position of having to watch as Ashton was witness to your sinful and horny actions. You could feel your orgasm coming close and your toes curled at the feeling. This was what you wanted and had been craving for, what you’d teased Michael for in the first place. 

Ashton didn’t seem to mind your stutters, broken sentences or even your dirty words. Your voice was small and breathy mixed in with whines and gasps. You could’ve sworn you heard him groan out, muttering a small Fuck under his breath. But Michael didn’t seem as mad as he would be in any other situation where a guy was getting off to his girlfriend. Maybe because no matter what, he was the one that was currently drilling into your tiny pussy, leaving it a mess.

Your next words weren’t part of the script but you knew it would please your boyfriend. “He…he fucks me so good, I’m his…his dirty little fucktoy” Your mind was buzzing and your heart clanged against your chest. It was so degrading, even humiliating but still you couldn’t help but feel even closer to your release.

Michael’s hips stuttered at your words, caught off guard. “Shit.” Your words fulfilled his possessive appetite perfectly. Hearing you claim yourself as his in front of someone, with your voice completely filled with pleasure was hotter than he ever imagined. You knew just what he wanted, without him even having to tell you completely. Holding you closer as his continued thrusting in an out of you, grunting with each thrust. He was moving your body for you, moving your small size so easily up and down on his big dick - just like a toy. At times pulling out to the tip just to be able to impale you back down to hear your gasped out moan. You were clenching your already tight walls around him to hug his cock impossibly tight. He had lasted so much longer than he thought possible with you feeling this good. 

“Thats right, squeeze daddy’s cock just like that, little one.” Michael groaned out. He could feel himself being close, if he wasn’t before he definitely was after your words. The urge to cum inside you and claim your pussy, with his cum filling and dripping down you, had never been larger. But he wanted to see you spasm around him first, fully showcase just how good he was making you feel. “I’m going to stuff you with my cum in front of him. Gonna show him how my bitch lets me cum inside of her, breed her. This is my fucking cunt.” 

It was too much, the image he had planted in your head, the certainty he felt in claiming you no matter in front of who, especially when his tatted hand came around your body to find your clit. You screamed at the same time you came around him, eyes closed as you still faced Ashton. “Yes daddy cum inside me, please. F-fill me up.” You were whining like a bitch in heat. You sounded as delirious as you looked. You were almost drooling in desire for his cum. Your mind was gone.

But it wasn’t your fault, you couldn’t be expected to go weeks without your boyfriends cock, not when you were so spoiled and used to having him whenever either of you felt needy. It had been like a self inflicted punishment. But if sex like this was what you got afterwards, after teasing him then you had to do it more often. 

That was all it took for Ashton, seeing you fall apart completely and hearing your dirtiest words as of yet. He wished he could be more embarrassed about cumming from the sight of best friend’s girlfriend getting railed but he couldn’t bring himself to be as he watched you still getting milked.

“Fucking cum hungry slut” Michael cursed out loud when he felt you tremble beneath him. 

“Yesyesyes”He felt your cum around his cock and that was all it took for him to be releasing into you, holding on to your hips with a loud groan. He heard you whimper at the feeling of his cum filling you up to the brim. He wasn’t sure if it was just how long it had been since the last time he had had you like that or just the situation but he felt as he never came as hard before in his life. He’d never let himself be deprived of you for so long ever again. 

Even when he pulled out, some cum still splashed onto your thighs and back but you did nothing but breath out heavily and snuggle deeper into the couch, hiding your body from any wandering eyes, exhausted and still in disbelief. Michael really had corrupted you beyond your wildest imagination.  

Ashton was leaning on the wall behind him, breathing just as heavily as the two in front of him. He watched Michael, with his glistening body and labored breaths, take a hold of the first fabric he could find and clean off any excess on your body. It wasn’t lost on Ashton what it meant that you trusted Michael enough to let fuck you raw and cum inside you instead of using a condom, the intimacy of it all. Silently, Michael stared at you with soft eyes - so different from the hard and focused ones he had on while relentlessly driving into you. And if he hadn’t known the dynamic of your relationship before, it would have been very obvious to Ashton now, just how much Michael loved you. Even after he had degraded you so much just moments before. Michael wouldn’t ever care for anyone the same way he was currently tending to you, he never had and never will again. Even if he was infinitely more experienced with infinitely more people, this behavior from him was for you and only you. You were the only one he would ever love as much. His focus was entirely on you, ignoring the audience as he had been for the majority of the time. He didn’t care, his only care was ever on you. But even he couldn’t deny how hot the situation had been.

Michael didn’t say it but Ashton knew, even if it was just an accident and even if it had been used to embarrass you and dominate you even further, that he was lucky to ever be allowed to see you like he had just done. Michael likely wouldn’t have let anyone else so close, maybe just enough to see him wrecking you and enough to hear you but never so intimately and exposed as Ashton had witnessed. He was too jealous for that. But he trusted Ashton and knew you did too. 

So why would he have to stop his moment with you, one he had been needy for for weeks when he didn’t have to or want to. He didn’t care about anyone or anyone’s feelings or thoughts, other than you. Nothing would keep him away from you in that moment, especially after being teased as he had been. And Ashton was thankful to have walked in on such a hot scene. A front row seat to his own personal porn video.

Your face was heating up as you peaked out from the couch. Embarrassment and timidness was clear as you chewed on your lower lip. It was almost comical to see you like that now after the side of you that you had just let out. But you had never been in that position before, only having heard it from the very dirtiest talk your boyfriend had mentioned before in bed. But never did you think it would really happen. Ashton had seen you begging to get fucked and bred, seen your naked body, heard all of your dirtiest sounds and words and seen the way you submitted to your boyfriend as he dominated over you as he always did. What would he think of you? 

But you only saw the way his pants were unzipped and unbuttoned, the disheveled look he watched you with. And you didn’t think you saw a hint of judgement in his gaze, just horniness and shock. 

It was silent, neither of you knowing what to say and Michael not caring enough to break the silence.

But eventually Ashton couldn’t take it and he tried to make his voice was filled with humor as it usually was. “Dude….we-we eat on that table.” He stuttered, it was hard not to after what he had just seen. His mouth was dry and he licked his lips to wet them.

Michael threw his jacket over your small body, its size enough to cover your entire figure. But then he looked directly at Ashton, not a hint of the embarrassment you were experiencing. He didn’t feel the need, he had given Ashton a choice. And he had gotten to please you and get to finally feel you around him again which were the only things he really cared about in the world; you and making you feel good. Fuck everyone else.

In fact, he felt a swell of pride at having claimed you so thoroughly, shown just how well he had tainted you to be his. He felt even better that he could finally fuck you like he had been wanting without being interrupted or having to stop because of the interruption; he didn’t have to be angry or protective over you because Ashton was too mesmerized by you and what happened to make you feel even shyer. 

“I didn’t hear you complaining.”

[a-night-like--this]

Boys Do Cry remake of The Cure classic launches campaign to arrest male suicide rate

Rapper Dallas Woods has lost loved ones to suicide. Now, he’s joined a remake of a famous song from The Cure to show men they can get help before it’s too late.

First Nations rapper Dallas Woods is “sick of going to funerals”. He’s lost too many family members and friends to suicide, boys and young men who couldn’t ask for help when they needed it because they felt it was a “burden”.

He is on a mission to break down the taboo of putting up a brave front instead of seeking help with the Boys Do Cry campaign, launched this week with a remake of The Cure’s famous song featuring a choir of 30 men from different walks of life.

“Real men get help and real men do cry, I wish I had that convo with my brothers in the sky,” he raps in the emotional piano-driven remake.

Dallas Woods on the set of Boys Do Cry, the new Australian mental health campaign. Picture: David Collins.

In that verse, Woods, who grew up in the Kimberley in Western Australia, which he said has one of the highest rates of suicide per capita in the world, speaks directly to the loved ones he has lost, the cousin who took his life when the rapper was just 11 through to the best mate he was texting on the day he died.

“I’d lost a lot of mates around that time but that was the one that blew my mind because I was texting him that day, I was meant to see him. One minute he’s there, happy as, there was no indication … sometimes you know people are going through some stuff but he was literally the life of the party, the glow in the room,” Woods said.

“It really was the first time I questioned ‘What the actual hell … why?’”

The choir with the team behind the rework of The Cure’s Boys Don't Cry. Picture: David Collins.

The Boys Do Cry campaign was created by advertising executive Simon Lee, who took 30 years to confront his chronic anxiety, and in conjunction with The University of Melbourne’s Centre for Mental Health and Gus Worland’s mental fitness foundation Gotcha4Life.

In the last 12 months in Australia 2384 men have taken their own lives. That’s an average of seven men every day, making suicide the leading cause of death in Australian males aged 15-49.

British-born Lee said the “stiff upper lip” mantra he grew up with also permeates Australian culture” and does not “produce emotionally balanced men who are comfortable to emote.”

“Before I had therapy, my fear was if I went deep inside myself to examine what was going on, the sense I had was this fear of murky darkness, this writhing kraken of the deep waiting down there,” he said.

“When you start peeling back the layers, it wasn’t as scary or dark as I thought it was and the knot in my stomach loosened and the ongoing negative dialogue in my head relaxed a little bit.”

The choir circle at the Boys Do Cry shoot. Picture: David Collins

The music video has already been tested by the The University of Melbourne Centre for Mental Health as part of the Buoy Project to identify effective suicide prevention interventions for boys and men.

Preliminary findings from their random controlled trial of the Boys Do Cry clip found “men were more likely to say they would seek help if they were struggling.”

Woods has spent the past 14 years, alongside his music career, working on social and emotional wellbeing health campaigns in more than 300 remote and urban indigenous communities and sees Boys Do Cry as a pivotal moment in the mission to arrest male suicide rates.

“Out of the Kimberley, I’ve been able to get to the resources and the people to help me through my own journey of healing and now we have to normalise that, not let it keep being normal to not do anything about it,” he said.

IF YOU NEED HELP PLEASE CALL:

Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14 (available 24/7)

Text 0477 13 11 14

Chat online: lifelife.org.au (7pm-midnight)

Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800

Kidshelpline.com.au

Beyond Blue – 1300 224 636 (available 24/7)

[marauders-venting]

It Can’t Be

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: angst

warnings: lots of mentions of death and a funeral, grief and mourning

words: 1906

a/n: this fic is an au in which Sirius has a trial. He is found innocent and Peter is arrested. the fic is set after the trial has ended

Sirius stood, his hands clenched so tight on the handle of Harry’s stroller that his knuckles were white. It had been a good idea to bring the stroller because there was no way he could’ve carried Harry in his arms right now. His whole body was shaking. It had only been a few days since Lily and James had died but so much had happened since then. Sirius had been to Azkaban and had a trial, Peter had been arrested, Remus had disappeared and suddenly Sirius was Harry’s legal guardian. With everything that had happened, Sirius hadn’t even had time to process it, let alone accept it. In his mind, Lily and James Potter could not be dead. They just couldn’t. But evidently, they were because Sirius was attending their funeral at the moment. They were because any minute he would have to give his eulogy. Sirius wasn’t sure if he’d be able to do it but he had to. He owed it to Lily and James.

So when the minister called Sirius up to speak, he rolled Harry’s stroller over to the front of the room and faced everybody. Sirius looked around at the people in the room; their expressions were passive. These people don’t care about Lily and James, Sirius thought. No, all they care about is that Voldemort is gone. The only person other than himself who looked even remotely sad was Professor McGonagall, who was sitting in the back of the room, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. And… Remus! He’s here. Remus is here. Well of course he’s here you idiot, he arranged the funeral, said a voice in his head, he set this up for Lily and James while you were moping in a prison cell. Sirius needed the voice to shut up. He didn’t have time for this now. He wanted to honour Lily and James properly. So he took a deep breath and spoke.

“James Potter was my best friend,” he said, ignoring the ache in his chest and the tears pricking his eyes. “He was my brother. Never have I known a person so full of kindness and love for other people and so willing to share it.” It was only ever with him that I felt truly safe. And now he’s gone. Sirius couldn’t say it. He swallowed hard and went on. “And Lily…” even just saying her name hurt, “Lily lit up every room she walked into.” There was more but Sirius couldn’t speak. Tears were streaming down his face. He skipped to the last few lines, the part he was determined to say before he collapsed. “She got f-far less time than she should have. They both did. If I could trade my life for theirs I would. James and Lily… they deserved the world—” Sirius choked. And I was going to give it to them. It was my job. And I failed. That was it. Sirius had written more but he couldn’t go on. “Thank you.” He walked back to his seat and buried his face in his hands. He didn’t care that these people were seeing him cry. He had failed. The least he could have done was properly eulogise Lily and James but he’d fucked that up too.

“Pa’foot?” came Harry’s voice. Sirius wiped his tears away and looked up.

“Yes, Harry?” he said quietly.

“Pa’foot sad,” Harry said.

“Nah, I’m not sad, Prongslet,” Sirius said, feeling a sharp stab of pain at the nickname. Prongslet. Little Prongs. Prongs’ kid. James’ kid. But James was gone. And Harry… Harry didn’t even seem to know that. “Come on,” Sirius said, picking Harry up out of the stroller and sitting him down on his lap. “Uncle Moony’s going to speak now so we need to be quiet.” Remus stood at the front of the room, about to give his eulogy.

“Moo’ee!” Harry called, waving at Remus. Remus gave Harry a small smile and wave, pointedly avoiding Sirius’ eyes.

“Shh,” Sirius whispered to Harry. “We need to be quiet, Harry.”

“Shh,” Harry repeated, putting a finger on his lips and looking from Sirius to Remus and then laying his head down on Sirius’ chest. Remus’ eyes flickered towards Harry and Sirius saw him bite his lip before starting.

“Lily and James were the kindest, most accepting people I have ever met,” Remus said, his voice shaking slightly. “They both had a knack for knowing when someone was upset and what exactly that person needed to feel better. And they would both do just about anything to help their friends. Knowing Lily and James and being their friend was an honour and a privilege. And I will never forget the kindness they showed me and the help they gave me.” Remus fell silent and for a moment Sirius thought he had finished but Remus closed his eyes for a moment and then continued.

“Often when people die young, we tend to say that they had just enough time or that they were so happy in their short time that their lives were fulfilled. And while Lily and James were certainly the two happiest people I have known, I refuse to stand here and say that it was just enough time or that it’s ok because they were so happy. It’s not ok and it wasn’t enough. Lily and James deserved more time than every person in this room combined; I’m just sorry that after everything they did for me, I couldn’t give that to them. Thank you.” Sirius thought that Remus’ eyes had met his for just a second. Or maybe not. Maybe he’d just imagined it.

There were tears on Remus’ cheeks and his hands were shaking but he returned to his seat, keeping his eyes on the floor. The minister said a number of prayers but Sirius’ mind kept fading in and out of focus. Lily and James are dead. But how can they be dead? They can’t. But they are. They’re dead.

When the funeral ended Sirius stood and started following the crowd of people heading for the exit but having a stroller meant that he had to wait for most people to leave before there was enough room for him and Harry to move. They were almost out of Godric’s Hollow when Sirius heard a voice coming from behind him.

“It’s your birthday today.” Sirius spun towards the voice. It was Remus.

“W-what?” he stuttered.

“It’s your birthday today,” Remus repeated.

“No, it’s n—” Sirius started. He thought for a moment. The 2nd of November. That’s today. “Oh, it… it is. I didn’t realise.” Silence. Sirius didn’t know what to say.

“I think we need to talk,” Remus said, quietly.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “I think we do.” He couldn’t discern Remus’ tone but his heart was racing a million miles an hour as they walked back to their apartment in silence, allowing Harry to fall asleep in the stroller. No one said a word until they were back in their apartment.

“I’ll just put Harry down for a nap and then…” Sirius trailed off.

“And then we’ll talk,” Remus nodded, sitting down on the couch. Sirius pushed the stroller into Harry’s room, deciding it was better to let him sleep in the stroller than to risk waking him by moving him into his crib. Sirius closed the door quietly and returned to the living room, sitting down on the couch beside Remus. They were silent for a moment.

“So are you going to tell me why you hid that fact that you were changing Secret Keepers from me?” Here we go, Sirius thought. He knew he would have to have this discussion with Remus the moment his trial ended but he couldn’t look Remus in the eye. Sirius didn’t know if he was more consumed by grief or guilt. He forced himself to look up at Remus. He tried to put so many unsaid things into that look. Remus’ eyes widened with realisation and Sirius nodded.

“Remus,” he said, he wanted to reach out and hold his hand but did not think that the gesture would be kindly received. “I am so, so sor—”

“Don’t,” Remus said. He sounded angry and hurt. “You can’t just apologise for something… for something like this.”

“I know,” Sirius said, softly. He was so ashamed.

“No, you don’t know,” Remus said. “I trust you with every fibre of my being, Sirius. I’d trust you with my life! When you sent me that message telling me what Peter had done I believed you. There was loads of evidence against you but I didn’t suspect you even for a second! And you think that I would sell Lily and James to Voldemort based on nothing?”

“Remus, I was wrong,” said Sirius. “There’s no justification; I made a mistake and now everybody I love is suffering the consequences. But you were gone on missions for days at a time, you’d come back and you would barely talk to me. You wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“I didn’t tell you anything because Dumbledore had sworn me to secrecy! You knew that!”

“I know but Remus I was worried. I knew that you were spending a lot of time with werewolves who were rallying behind Voldemort and I was worried that they’d gotten to your head. And I tried to talk to you but you were shutting me out and I—”

“Don’t try to turn this on me!” said Remus. He was shaking. Tears were spilling from his eyes. “This is not my fault!”

“Of course it’s not,” said Sirius. He was crying too. “Of course it’s not but Remus, just try to understand where I’m coming from. I was terrified. I was terrified for James and Lily and Harry and I just—”

“I was terrified too! You know what? This was a bad idea. I think I should just go.” He stood up and walked to the door.

“No, Remus don’t! Don’t leave, please. You can’t go!”

“You… you have no right to tell me what I can and can’t do, Sirius!” Remus said. “You don’t get a say in what I do!”

“Remus please don’t go, please Rem I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” His voice was weak and clingy and pathetic; he didn’t care. He took Remus’ hand and Remus froze. Sirius stepped closer.

“I can’t be without you,” he whispered, his thumb brushing Remus’ cheek. Remus wasn’t looking him in the eyes but he wasn’t moving either. “I love you, Remus.” Sirius leaned in towards Remus and kissed him. And for a moment, he feels Remus kiss him back and in that moment Sirius really believes that everything will be ok, that everything will work itself out. But then Remus pulls away and steps back.

“Don’t! Don’t Sirius, just fucking stop! You can’t just kiss me and expect it to fix everything. You don’t get to do this!” Remus yells. “You don’t get to cry! You don’t get to guilt trip me! You don’t... you don’t get to say that you love me! You can’t fucking do that! It’s not fucking fair! Just... I need... I have to go,” he finishes quietly. “I need to get out of here. Goodbye Sirius.” Sirius watches him go. He watches him walk out the door and Disapparate. First Lily and James, then Peter and now Remus. They’re all gone. And they’re not coming back. And just like that, Sirius’ entire world collapses.

[vsilas]

Okay.... hear me out. T4T post-war Snarry where substance use starts them on the path to cracking their eggs and meeting as new people who are ready to give each other a second chance. A sickeningly self-indulgent fic idea, pure rambling. Target audience: me and me alone.

Transfemme Snape is on probation after the Death Eater trials and is stripped of her magic. It's temporary and much better than Azkaban but it also means that Snape is essentially a Squib for three years following the sentence. One of the things that happens as a result of this is that all of the subtle "notice-me-not" charms on the area around Spinner's End wear off and the local authorities finally decide it's time to get rid of that slum. Snape is forced to move, which is probably for the best, all things considered. Living with your abusive parents' ghosts isn't conducive to healing... and there's a lot that Snape needs to heal from. As things stand Snape really doesn't want to have anything to do with the wizarding world so she moves to a muggle town somewhere on the coast. What with not being able to do magic she also turns to muggle solutions for a lot of her problems. She makes a living tending bar (she's basically nocturnal, doesn't drink, and can quell unruly customers with a look, so it's a good fit). She starts taking medical marijuana for the chronic pain caused by her encounter with Nagini and it stops her from feeling mildly suicidal for the first time in ages. It's nothing like her life was before and so she slowly starts shedding some of the fear and pain that kept her in line and an effective tool... basically her whole life.

Trans guy Harry goes a bit wild after the whole "I died to save the wizarding world" thing. He feels like he's been robbed of his childhood, his adolescence, and basically all the experiences that "normal kids" should have, so he lets go of his remaining impulse control and starts to spiral. The summer of 1998 is rough. There's the funerals, the trials, everybody trying to pick up the pieces of their life. Harry doesn't think he has any pieces of himself left to pick up. He didn't really plan for a future after the war... he could never see himself grown up. Harry breaks up with Ginny because the way they are together makes his skin crawl, even if he can't put a finger on why that is. Ron gets really mad at Harry for dumping his sister and even more so when Harry says that he doesn't want to be an Auror anymore. He briefly goes back for his 8th year with Hermione but drops out in November when he only manages to turn in two assignments and spends most of his time finding ways to sneak off the grounds to get drunk in London clubs. Harry's friends worry about him but there's only so much they can do to help somebody who really doesn't want to be helped. Harry moves into Grimmauld Place, cuts his hair really short, and spends his nights "living" which mostly just means doing party drugs and having a few ill-advised one-night stands. When there is no one to party with, Harry gets drunk alone in Grimmauld Place and punches mirrors. He doesn’t see a future for himself so he decides to just live in the present, however long that's going to last him. He can feel a break coming, something terrifying but necessary. It feels like the only way to forward is to spiral down.

Snape, who has known something was off since she was a kid, finally lets herself accept what that thing is. It isn’t an earth-shattering revelation, just part of slipping off the masks of professor and spy and Death Eater until all that's left underneath is her. How the fuck did she fool everybody into thinking that she was a man for all these years? Maybe that’s why she was such a good spy. Started young. Hid it even from herself. It’s not really an easy thing to accept, but inevitable. Snape is already grieving everything else about her life so what's another lie, another chance at happiness that slipped away before she even knew what it was? She spends a lot of time in her shabby little flat getting stoned but she also walks along the beach and starts planning the rest of her life.

Harry cracks on another of his drunken nights out to some rather unpleasant consequences, including ministry officials having to obliviate dozens of muggles in a Camden club and a hangover so bad even potions don't help with it. Most of it gets hushed up but the yellow press takes the opportunity to start saying how the "Girl-Who-Lived" finally went off the rails, complete with an unflattering picture of Harry's new haircut (granted Harry was about to throw up when the picture was taken...). Harry lays low for a while but he is also a man of action and so he begins to research ways he could transition. St. Mungo's doesn't provide that kind of healthcare so if he wants to go the magical route he would have to figure it out himself or find an expert in gender magic... who doesn't seem to exist. There are references to a witch who brewed a potion to change her gender, but she lived in the 18th century. Being trans is stigmatized in the wizarding world so he assumes that wixen who have transitioned probably don't advertise the fact. Harry doesn't trust himself to do any magic or potion work that advanced without killing himself, so he decides to keep searching. He swears Madam Pomfrey to secrecy and asks her if she can help him. She's taken aback and tells him this kind of magic is not well studied and she doesn't know if there's a potioneer alive, other than Severus Snape maybe, who would even try working on something like that. However, even if Snape wasn't a squib and unable to brew anymore, Harry certainly isn't planning to have anything to do with his old potions professor. He decides that maybe he should just try muggle means.

Meanwhile Snape has been doing theoretical research on magical transition but hits a dead end. She needs access to a magical library, she needs to be able to actually experiment... Not to mention that she still has years of her probation left, which means years before she can even attempt transition. The only thing to do is turn to muggle means to both manage her dysphoria and maybe inspire the next stage of her research. It takes a while to secure an appointment, but one fateful day Snape walks into the reception area of a London clinic... right as Harry Potter is exiting the doctor's office after his check-in for being 3 months on T. To say that there is a moment of shocked silence would be an understatement.

They meet up for coffee and cautiously become a two-person support group for trans wixen who got fucked over by fate (and Dumbledore) and miraculously survived a war. Harry lets Snape use the library at Grimmauld Place and Snape promises to expand her research to try and develop something for him too. Harry apprentices to a curse-breaker and weathers the press dragging him through the mud every chance they get. Snape might have mellowed out a bit but she still gets on Harry's case about the drinking and not finishing school. They bicker a lot and sometimes Harry overcompensates on the machismo and acts like James, or Snape feeling a blinding rage that Harry is so fucking young and has his whole life ahead of him... but they end up coming around to each other every time. On some level, they are the only people in the world who can really understand each other.

Over the course of the next year and a half, they slowly get their lives sorted. And through that process, they become the most important people in each others' lives. What started out as reluctant solidarity grows until one day Harry can't imagine a future that doesn't have Snape in it, and Snape starts thinking of "home" as being wherever Harry is. It's not easy, considering how many issues both of them have, but it's the easiest thing in the world compared to the alternative. Cue resolution of them both magically transitioning, dealing with public perceptions, and leaning into being a scandalous power couple who doesn't take shit from anybody.

Now, if only I could write this as an actual story....

[marshmallowprotection]

Saeran’s Diary

Spoilers for Saeran’s Diary. It’s within the Special Believer package. Not all of the pages are here. I’ve compiled the ones that looked the most note-worthy to talk about but I will summaries and talk about everything in this post. 

Okay, so Spoilers Ahead, read at your own caution. It’s Spoilers for Another Story, V Route, Ray Route, and the After Ending. 

Saeran introduces himself to the diary even though he has no idea how to use one of these. Saeyoung got it from the Cathedral. His brother tells him that if he can’t think of anything to write, he could draw instead. Saeran spends a lot of his time drawing out things on the pages just as much as he spends talking about this or that. His handwriting is rather clumsy and messy, much more so than what a child his age would have. 

However, he’s not in school and he’s roughly only been able to learn a few rudimentary things thanks to his brother. 

Saeyoung spends a lot of time at the cathedral. He’s been taking countless notes in his books. He’s literally been coping things to learn from the books that he can get his hands on. He’s got four of them, as far as Saeran knows. He has some of Saeyoung’s notes in his journal because he asked him what he was writing about all the time. He’s perplexed, saying that those coding notes look like they’re... 

Puzzles? 

He doesn’t know. 

Saeyoung takes him out for ice cream, and we can assume that’s when they made the promise on their ice cream to always be there for each other, knowing that there will be one day that they can escape together. You know, the one from Ray Route where we’re treated to their promise on twin-popsicles. It seems like Saeran is alone more and more often though. He’s spending so much time at the church.

There’s one day where he and Saeyoung are out that someone suspicious sees the two of them. Saeyoung gets them out of dodge, but it continues to haunt his mind for a while. He draws something really stark imagery. Then, Saeyoung is all of a sudden gone. He’s gone. Their mother demands that he find him but he cannot find him. He’s panicking. He thinks that maybe that man took his twin away and he may never come back. 

He’s so alone. 

He’s so scared. 

He’s begging for someone to come and get him. He’s still fairly young here and out of sorts, but his emotions are rapidly increasing the longer that he’s alone in that house. Until one day, something changes. 

V and Rika come to take him to the cathedral more and more often. He’s spending a good amount of his time there because the two of them managed to convince Mother Choi that it was a good idea. Saeran has no idea how they did it or why they did it. He just knows that this is the place that Saeyoung went to once and that maybe he’ll be able to find him there? Then he talks about how he may be able to find him. Twin’s intuition? 

That plays into the theme of the After Ending. How Saeran and Saeyoung can seemingly feel the other is alive, or that they’re okay. I think that’s kind of a really sweet thing to tie in like that. It’s like they’re connected when they’re not actually connected, and I don’t know if I’ll ever understand that connection since I’m not a twin but it stands out to me since Saeran is so hopeful for his brother again. 

He spends more time in the sun and it feels good. He wishes Saeyoung was here. It’d be nice if they could live somewhere nice like this... where he could see the sun all the time. V said to him that Saeyoung was okay, he had a strong feeling about it. Saeran doesn’t know how to feel about that. He thinks it’s okay but... he wishes that Saeyoung would find him first. He’s him and I’m him, that’s what he says. 

So, can’t they reach for one another...? 

Saeran starts to spend all his time going to classes and learning things at the cathedral. He’s learning how to focus on his work, how to bake, and how to get his head in the right place for things that he’s enjoy. Like, for example, he talks about how his plan for the future would be to have an ice cream store not far from his house as he stays with Saeyoung. He really writes down recipes and his trial and errors. It’s so cute. 

V gifts him a book about flowers and a good chunk of his diary is spent talking about them. He lists his favorites and some that stand out to him. There’s a photo that V took of him in the garden that you’ve likely seen before as he holds tightly to them with a smile. He talks about the life cycle of flowers as he tries to figure them out. He’s really thoughtful and spends an awful amount of time trying to learn how something so little makes something so big! 

I did not know that Rika and V had their own flowers. I’ve talked about these bookmarks before for Saeran and Saeyoung. 

Geranium can be a wish for good health, hope that you pray that the other person will someday feel better and find peace. It makes sense that that is for Saeran because he was a young and sickly child for such a very long time, and this was a gift that said, we pray for you and you will grow to be a bigger flower in due time. You will not wilt and you will grow until you blossom into something that is lovely. 

Rhododendron can be a sign of optimism, the hope that you have that the future ahead will be great. It makes sense that that was gifted to Saeyoung because he is the one that hinges on the hope that one day, he can save his brother and be sure that they are both free from their chains that have kept them down. This is a gift that says, never lose hope in yourself and those that you love when it feels like the end of coming. 

Narcissus means rebirth and renewal because it's one of the earliest bulbs to sprout. We all know the story. Unable to look away from the water, Narcissus grew tired, fell into the stream, and drowned. Rika’s suicide is implied to be her falling from the edge of a cliffside and falling into the water down below. It’s their way of symbolism her final rebirth into someone finally relishing in her cruelty and devil to it’s fullest form. 

Another popular story in mythology, Rhodanthe was someone so beautiful that people wouldn’t leave her alone. They were always at her heels and begging for her love. She turned them all down and grew so tired of them that she retreated and ran away to the Temple of Diana. Those suitors just wouldn’t quit, though, and because of that Diana decided to turn Rhodanthe in a rose and all of the suitors into the thorns of the flower. The implication here is that V and Rika are twisted together in a dangerous path, but it’s hard to tell who is the rose and who is the thorns here. Interesting. 

Here we go, huh? Rika gifts Saeran a book that she claims is the same one that his brother was reading. Saeran wants to be closer to him so he starts to learn and study what he can. He knows that he hid Saeyoung’s books for him so he has to get those from the house and he wants to use them to know more about who his brother is. It’s kind of hard, even Saeran claims that he’s struggling in all of this learning because it’s so much!

But, he says he can do it. 

He’ll do it for Saeyoung. 

We know why Rika is doing this, and we know where this is heading but I’m kind of like: I really don’t want to see how tortured my boy is about to be by this damn woman again. I continue onward to see how Saeran progressively learns as much as humanly possible as fast as he can. Okay, oh boy, he writes that he snuck out late at night to go to cathedral and nobody is usually there, but Rika was there tonight. 

He was perplexed by why she was looking at the wall of photos that contained each child that attended the church and did their studies there. He says that it felt wrong. He felt like he couldn’t speak. Something felt twisted and wrong in his chest but he stayed. He’s not even spending a lot of time with V and Rika at the cathedral up until this point. They just check on him now and again... until now, Rika seems to be more forward. 

She’s been giving him extra lessons and things to do. 

“It looked like she wanted to tell me something.” 

She didn’t though. 

Here’s one continuity error, though. Saeran knows that his mother passed away and she even had a funeral in this diary. He said that nobody came. Not their father, not their brother, nobody. There was nobody in the world to come for his mother’s passing but him and V and Rika. It’s just him and Saeyoung. His twin isn’t there but this is his only family. His only family. He missed his brother. He wishes he was there. 

He knows that his mother is dead but he doesn’t know how she died. I’m bit confused on that front. I’ll go and glance at his speech during the AE to know if it’s an error or not. Okay, so, they imply that Mother Choi never got a proper funeral. I think that means that you know, the one that Saeran held as a child wasn’t a real one by any meaning. It’s just a small ceremony. 

I almost want to say that the fucking trauma of Mint Eye destroyed more and more of his memory as a young child because it implies also in this diary that he does talk to some of the others at the cathedral sometimes, but not often. 

So, it could be an error, or it’s literally that the specific memory of that time at the cathedral isn’t accessible to him. It makes sense, though. Ray and Suit held a lot of their own memories and it feels like there’s other pieces that they’re missing in their lives. It still doesn’t take away from the fact that Saeran didn’t know how she died. Or that Rika burned the house down with V. 

Or that they both hid the fucking body. 

This is just the one thing of interest in the diary that doesn’t make sense unless I apply my theory that he cannot remember that incident. Either way, he makes a prayer to God about Saeyoung on the page after that. He says that he wants to be strong. He wants to be as strong as Saeyoung. Let him have that. 

Rika tricks him not long after this. “Come and meet me late at night. I want to give V a surprise.” He’s noticed that the two of them have been having a really difficult time lately, he thought they weren’t on good terms since they weren’t visiting together. This is literally after the trauma of the murder, self-defense or not, they had to remove a body and worse. 

That added to how bad their relationship already was. This was Rika’s turning point, after all. Saeran’s a child. He just thinks they’re going to make up and get better? He wants to help them because they helped him. 

But this is a trick. 

He spoke to Rika that briefly and then he went home. Someone grabbed him, and before he could fight, he was taken off the streets. It wasn’t Rika, but my money says that it was someone working for her to do the dirty work. He has no clue it’s Rika or anything for a while. He’s locked in a dark room. There’s not a lot in it but it seems like it was prepared for someone to stay in it. He’s scared, they leave him there. He banged on the door over and over, but nobody would listen to him. 

Days pass. 

He’s left with some notes about Mint Eye to read that make no sense to him but he’s trying to understand what they mean. How long is he going to be stuck in a room like this? Nothing makes sense! He gets fed every day, and he thinks that is okay. 

He’s trapped but he has food. It’s not so bad.. right? 

Nobody came to see him until the fourth day. He was taken away to what we can presume is the basement. He doesn’t know what’s happening here, but he just stares, slack-jawed at Rika in the basement as he lifts his head. 

She’s wearing a mask.

But, there’s no doubt. 

It’s Rika. 

He begged for answers but she would barely tell him what was happening in this place. She just says that V is a traitor and a liar to him. She said that he should call her his Savior. By the 11th day, they’re literally drugging through the food as time passes. He says that things don’t taste right but I know what that means as it’s the easiest way to poison someone over time.

I imagine that this is slowly happening as they’re starting to torture him with the elixir outright not long after this. 

He’s clearly confused and losing time the more that he tries to think because these are written on snippets as he’s trying to make sense of what’s going on around him. He’s hurting. He’s in pain. Nothing makes sense and he’s having a hard time dealing with being awake and eating these days. It just gets worse and worse as time passes for him. 

I don’t think I have to explain what this looks like: 

He’s literally terrified out of his fucking mind. He’s not able to focus and this is a point in the timeline where Ray takes control of the situation. Saeran cannot be awake anymore and Ray wakes up. This child has suffered enough already and Ray needs to be here to do this. His anger... his confusion. It’s played out in front of us as he loses himself and Ray takes control of everything that’s going on from now on. 

This is where the scraps end and Ray’s official diary begins. 

Yeah, this is actually a portion of the diary that I’ve seen before. It’s that proof that Rika is the one that dressed Ray. He would prefer to wear dark things but she says that he’s not good enough. He feels gloomy, he would have preferred something gloomy but Rika said no. Her reasoning is that he’s not strong and he needs to wear something vibrant to feel stronger. 

To feel more needed. 

He isn’t sure how to feel about that. He just says that Savior knows best and this is okay. I love his outfit but I know that’s uneasy about it. His gloves are rather tight on his hands so they can keep him from overextending his fingers and not get them to lock or have fractures from working so hard. He’s typing at a speed that not even I can manage so. 

He needs the support. 

No gloves slander about Ray, I know they’re half-gloves and bother some of you but it suits him. And, not to gush about Ray but there’s just so much Ray in this portion of the diary and you know I’m a massive Ray fan. Rika forces hm to do all of the security work. He spends like a week trying to make the system better but he’s hardly sleeping to do it. He’s the one that made the card system, as well, for both Rika and for others. 

He’s the one that grants access to anyone that is a believer. 

Certain people have certain powers. Rika can go anywhere, he can go to some places, and others... limited access. She “gifts” him the often of being able to help design the garden. He does pick a handful of flowers that he thinks are nice to decorate the garden and it’s the one thing that actually makes him feel good in comparison to security hell.

Though, we start to see him planning for the RFA Messenger as well. That’s not looking really good. Rika tells him what they’re going to be doing and that they have a grand plan that she needs him for. He’s so desperate for someone to see him and give him affection that he’s willing to fall to her feet and cry. He doesn’t know if he deserves this chance. He beats himself up over and over about it but takes it. 

He can’t say no to Rika. 

He’s literally crying because she told him that she wants him to do something for her. I’m not a vicious person but if given the chance, I would slap Rika one good time. I just need one time. I realize violence doesn’t solve anything, but I don’t know if I could hold myself back if I saw her treating him like this. 

It’s just not okay and I can’t stand it. No matter how you feel about Rika, when you read and see shit like this, you get angry at her for what she’s done to this child. Saeran was a child. 

He was a child who trusted her and V. 

Goddammit. 

He was a CHILD. 

He’s sleeping three hours. Max. That’s not okay. He’s chugging caffeine pills like they’re Tic-Tacs. Ray, honey, baby, darling, they’re not Tic-Tacs. That’s not okay at all. It’s actually blotted out. I don’t know what he’s eating. I don’t know how many he’s eating. I knew that he was popping like them candy to stay up and at his desk, but Jesus Christ, Ray. The space implies that it’s a high number, it could be double-digits. 

If it’s more than 15, I don’t know what I’m going to do. 

He’s not even eating right. Food that’s easy to eat. Okay, that’s why he eats chocolate most of the time. He’s eating snack foods when he’s eating and only using real food if he has time. [He never has time. It makes me want to cry as I read it because I wanted to grab him by the wrist and ask him to stay during the meals because I don’t really eat more than what a toddler eats due to my health and he could have the rest. He needs it.]

I love this guy, but I can see his suffering here. 

I don’t know if you’ve seen this but he ranks the RFA on a sliding scale of how tough they are to defeat and how easy they are to defeat. Seven and V have the strongest list. V is to be captured alive and that you have to be cautious so he doesn’t trick you.

Seven is “No need. Discard.”

I have to ask Ray what the hell a “honey trap” is though, as far as Zen goes in his explaination. Does that mean that Ray is saying “If there’s a pretty honey, he’ll fall to his knees?” RAY? 

RAY????? 

RAY??????????????

Jumin: Attack social status. Just take his fucking cat. 

Yoosung: Rika. Just use Rika information or threaten his family. 

Jaehee: Break C&R. If it or Jumin falls, she’s easy. Not sure. 

Oh, and there’s actually recipes in his portion of the diary as well. He has a lot of sweet things listed and God, he would get me. He literally makes notes about a tester in this. He has to jot down who would be a good idea and how he could ensure their happiness. He says that he’s not as good as the chef in Mint Eye but he wants to be good enough.

So, he actually tries to learn how to make things for us. He failed at making ice cream. He made some progress at brunch and he tried to make some cake but it wasn’t quite up to par yet. He notes his mistakes and says that he’ll keep trying to learn for the tester. So, that’s how he’s spending his six months. 

His final note in this journal is hopeful of the tester. He’s got everything as it needs to be but he needs his tester to come to him. He hopes they’re a good person but he doesn’t know how to interact with them. He wonders how he should start talking to them, anyway. How do you talk to people on the outside? He doesn’t know... maybe an introduction? 

Should he greet you? 

Should he try harder? 

He really fixates on how to say hi to you. 

He decides simple is good. 

“Hello! My name is Ray.” 

And if you turn the page, you’re smacked with that photo and my knees just went a little weak. Oh boy, honey, darling, I love you. I’m sorry that you’ve suffered so much but it’s okay. I’m here! We’ll get out of this place together soon. All and all, this was a solid read that gave me a lot more perspective on my boy. There’s still a bit of information in Rika’s Diary, to be honest. But this stood out more to me here.