#and his “totem item”

[galacticsabc]

A man and his Blahaj

[ramons-elevator]

This has been rattling in my mind for a minute and i need to scream about it.

The significance of the item display of the backpacks and how much that defines the QSMP characters.

If you dont know, Leo found out you can display an item in your backpack and show it off. Kinda like a little charm or a keychain. Ever since then, a bunch of people have been displaying items.

Lets start off with the trend setter.

Leo:

Her item is a totem. Obviously this is about Foolish. She spends the most time with Foolish and adores him. They are super close and are super similar. Another reason could be showing off her wealth. Also, a joke that she is immortal (she isnt) and its a bit of a hint to that.

Foolish:

His item is the player head that Leo always wears. Obviously, like Leo, it represents how much he loves Leo and the time they spent together. It also looks like Leo is in his backpack and showing that they are always together (Siempre juntos) no matter what.

Philza:

His item is a skull you can wear on your head. Now theres a lot to interpet here. The obvious one is that this represents Missa. Either that he always chooses Missa or that Missa is with him and Chayanne even if hes away. Again theres a lot to talk about.

Another reason is that death isnt scary for him / death is always there. Philza in general is associated with death (his irl wife's lore is being the goddess of death). With his son on one life for so long and now his granddaughter, he has come to terms with death. He isnt scared of the Code Monster. He will fight until the death no matter what.

Tallulah:

Her item is a poppy. I believe she gives poppies to people she meets for the first time. For me, it represents her innocence. In the way she views the world and how the world views her. Everyone sees her as a sweet girl and is super kind. Majority, if not everyone, always loves her. For her, she always views the world with love. She is told by Wilbur and Phil that her kindness and love is necessary. In a world full of terror and fear, there needs to be love and gentleness

Chayanne:

His item is a potato. For anyone who doesnt know, Chayanne is deeply inspired by Techoblade. Technoblade is known for being a incredible warrior and a great Potato farmer. Please look up his videos. Philza told Chayanne about Techno and again is deeply inspired by him. The potato is a reminder of Chayanne's goals. To help everyone and to protect everyone.

Richarlyson:

His item is a heart container, one used to get an extra heart of health. I have so many emotions about this. I think the main one is that Richarlyson is the heart of the Brazilians / Favela Five. He is the core, for better or for worse. He always loves all his dads. Even recently with how scary everything is, he still loves and trusts his dads.

Forever:

His item is a Nether star. I honestly feel like this defines his character so well. An item that takes a lot of time, resources, and strength to get. Forever has put in that time and effort. His strength shines in his armor and how persistent he is. Also, the nether star is needed to make the highest level of the block reinforcer. Its needed to make everything safe. Forever has shown that over and over again. He wants to make everything safe.

(Update, Richarlyson changed his to a nether star so him and Forever are matching!)

Cellbit:

His item is the universal block remover. I dont know how recent this change is, but I noticed it when he was in his federation office. Just like Forever, this defines his character so well. He is there to break something, either the Enigma or the Federation. He is trying to get inside.

BadBoyHalo:

His item is a Scythe. For anyone who doesnt know, Bad said he is the grim reaper. Either coming to people to remind them to drink water or that he helps guide people to the afterlife. A lot of people thinks that why he cares so much about the eggs. He is the one to transport them to the afterlife.

Mike:

As im making this post, Tazercraft went live and I noticed Mike has a red block in his item display. I dont know a lot of Tazercraft/ Mike's lore. I do know that in tazercraft's game of hide and seek, a red block is represented to show who is the seeker/killer. Maybe it relates to that?

This is everyone I can think of off the top of my head. Theres probably more people who have it, but yeah.

[fixfoxnox]

I Know You Didn't Take Requests But Just Curiosity... What Would Happen If Makarov Was Obsessed With A Nervous Russian Woman?

Kissing you (with your permission) for asking about Makarov I've been wanting to write with him so much since the newest trailer dropped AHHHH also I'm gonna take this as an x reader Makarov headcanon request if thats alright

Makarov Obsessed with Nervous Russian Fem! Reader

Warnings: Dub-con, loosely implied non-con, kidnapping, stalking, obsession, knife kink and blood kink, jealousy, murder

Makarov and reader meet before his time as an ultranationalist, when he's still at least a little good.

He's Spetsnaz and you're just a secretary trying to stay under the radar and make a living for yourself. Being around hungry men, men constantly away from their respective families or partners, never quite allows you to settle into peace.

You're one of the only women working on the base, and the men laugh when you jump at their sudden arrivals or hands on your shoulder. You don't find it funny, but they assure you that you have no reason to be nervous. You don't believe them, you're nervous all the time in a place like that.

There's one man who doesn't laugh at you. He's a captain and any time he makes you jump, he apologizes. He's kind and charming and, honestly, the only man on base you're able to find any sort of comfort in.

Makarov isn't sure what it is that starts his obsession with you. Perhaps its the amusement he feels when you stutter over yourself as you speak. Maybe its just that he enjoys having someone kind around. Maybe he just latched on to someone and you happened to be the unlucky victim.

Either way, it didn't matter. After a week of knowing you, Makarov is enamored. He's interested.

When Makarov is interested it means research. Research means watching you even when you think you're alone. Sneaking into your home or desk and snooping to understand more about you. He watches and learns all of your little quirks, everything that makes you tick. And Makarov is good at his job, so it's not surprising that you never realize.

Then the papers are sent. Makarov is discharged and the rumor floating around base is that it was an order by the UN after his cruel and inhumane treatment during war.

You don't believe its true, you don't believe Makarov is capable. Still, you're only a woman on a base surrounded by men, you can't voice your thoughts to anyone.

To you, Makarov dissapears. In reality, he's still around.

He joins the ultranationalists and stops trying to hide who he really is. With them, he's appreciated. His bloodlust is praised. He thrives under the guiding hand of Imran Zhakaev.

As he thrives, he doesn't forget you. He watches from the shadows, keeping tabs on your every move as he works himself up the totem pole of Ultranationalists. He keeps you as close as he can without you ever knowing.

And, in the shadows, he pushes and prods reader exactly how he wants her. He keeps men away from you, many of them never showing for plans you made. He encourages activities and learning about certain topics with hidden items for you to find.

And, when Makarov is made Zhakaev's second (only behind his son) and given more control and power, he takes no time in claiming his obsession.

He wouldn't be gentle about it. You'd been out of his grasp for far too long and now he had you here? Well the idea of bruises or bleeding skin only lit him up with excitement.

Now he isn't violent when he kidnaps you. Only disciplinary, as he says. You struggle and he corrects that action. And, as he settles you in to the base he's been staying at, you understand this is your new future.

Makarov is obsessed with you, he wants to own you, he wants every piece of you to be his. And that desire involves you giving yourself to him, giving in to his own wicked desires and playing along.

Maybe you resist at first, but at the end of the day you're a nervous person and you can do nothing but cower behind him. You're in deep, a madman is obsessed with you, and you're trapped behind enemy lines. What choice do you have but to give in and become Makarov's play thing.

Now, once you do give in, Makarov treats you like a queen. You are his after all, and what belongs to him gets taken care of.

I think Makarov is the type to shower his partner in gifts. Jewelry and silk. Anything that he would be able to physically see on his partner like a mark of his ownership over them.

He's an overprotective and jealous man. God help any ultranationalist who tries to flirt with you or insult you. After Makarov is done dealing with them in the only way he knows how, his ire often falls to you.

He takes his anger out in the bedroom in those moments. Making you beg and declare his ownership over you repeatedly.

Now, this doesn't define your more intimate moments with him. As much as Makarov loves having control, he's more than willing to let you take over and do what you will to him until he orders you to stop. He likes to let his inhibitions go under your touch.

Makarov likes to play domesticity. He likes it when you make him breakfast and see him off for the day with a kiss to his lips. He likes to have you waiting in the room for him, ready to cater to his needs. He likes playing house, pretending to be the perfect husband of a normal family.

He doesn't succeed most of the time. Meetings upon meetings often bleed into the sanctuary he wants with you and, more often then not, you find Makarov entering the room speaking in a quiet and clipped voice with other men, future plans for the Ultranationalists being discussed between them.

And finally, I think Makarov enjoys showing you off, to an extent. He's obsessed with you and he has you, of course he wants everyone to know it. Of course he wants to show you off.

But, at the same time, Makarov hates the ideas of others looking at you, of anyone else even possibly thinking that they could hold you and have you like he did

This often results in meetings or casual sit downs where you're pulled onto his lap or tucked against his side. You keep your eyes down and Makarov watches like a shark, ready to attack anyone who would so much as look at you.

Also knives in the bedroom and you should probably get used to blood, because you'll be helping clean it off of him most days, whether that's running him a bath and scrubbing it from his skin, or joining him in a shower for a much more intimate approach to ridding him of the blood.

[max-the-many]

"Like it in your little crystal-sphere? Sorry dude, but you'll get you body back eventually, I promise. And until then I'll take good care of it" I smirked, adjusting my new crotch with wide spread legs.

I had an eye on him for quite a while. Saw him first at a football game. So it was as easy as going to team-events to see him again. I quickly got fixed on wanting to play with him.

His name was Jake. Bit by bit I prepared, did the necessary chants, preparing myself, the ingredients, collected bits like a towel he used, laying on the side of the field, a paper cup he drank out of and stuff like that.

Along with that I prepared him, slipped in drops of tinkture in drinks, brushed certain totems on items he might wear, prepared places he might be, the area I saw him sit frequently.

And bit by bit I felt the border lowering down, built up a rudimentary connection to the point where I sensed, that it might be time.

That evening I knew, he would be alone. He lived in a small house, like a kind of frat-venue with several other guys, some from the team, some others.

While preparing my leap I had noticed that there was one might when everyone seemed to have some kind of weekly obligation. Everyone but him. I teally couldn't be more lucky.

Nontheless I kept an eye on the house. But when the last one left I didn't waiste one second until I crossed the street, up to the house with raising thoughts.

I rang, felt my heart up to my throat alrhough this wasn't the first time I did something like that. But the excitement was still on.

When I heared rushibg steps down a staircase my hand gripped more closely around a tiny bottle in my hand, a crucial part of what was to come, filled with a dark green, viscous liquid.

Everything seemed to slow down, the steps, the sound of the door handle beeing turned, a klick, the door slowly opening, revealing his surprised face before I flung the bottle, throughing out the liquid all over those pretty features.

He stumbled back, lifted his arms to his face, to that sticky liquid clinging to every pore, soaking in along with a strong scent entering his nostrils, the recipe perfectly matched to him.

With a look around I entered, pushing him further back as he struggeled, cuffing, choking on that tinkture until he slowly went down, losing his conciousness as I unpacked my bag, preparing that final step, placing the ingredients, not few of them prepared with his residue, finally putting my most valuable possession besides his head before I started to chant, closing my eyes, focusing on him, on me, raising my very essence, longing for that connection to send it over, feeling it oozing out every pore of my body, drifting over to soak into his, pushing him out to be captured by that orb of crystal.

I woke up merely minutes later. The feeling of his body flushing through my mind, filling me up with raging excitement until I got on my feet. I did it! I took him! That pulse, that new feel.

Besides me there still was my former self. Not me. A mere hust now that I left him again. I would eventually turn him back, give him his self, unbind it from the item I transfered his self into like I would do with Jakes as having him in that crystal isn't meant to be permanent.

With my former body I wasn't in a rush. I would get the item eventually leading him up in Jakes room for now. To be honest, I craved some fun since his basic body functions are fully operating at that state. And let me tell you - I did choose him for a reason...

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

A random thought, you remember the achievement when we get the Statue of Perfection or Statue of True Perfection. Everyday we received iridium ore or random items, then how will the SDV/SVE Bachelors, (can you add the adventurers and mages) gonna react to this huge looking (gold/iridium) teddy bear appear in the farm and everyday a random item pops out.

(I mean I would find it weird and intriguing, that I woke up the next day just to see a huge looking teddy bear appeared on my spouse's arms.)

...A teddy bear?

*looking at a picture on the SDV wiki*

It's a cat, isn't it? I always thought it was a cat. *Looking again* Although the ears are a little round, it does looks like a bear. Kinda...

Anyway, good to see you in my askbox again! Enjoy some headcanons 💕 And I'm interested to hear from others, who do you see in these statues, the bear or the cat?

_________________________________________

SDV bachelors react to Statue of Perfection/True Perfection:

...Was there some kind of strange fashion for huge jewelled statues or something? It wasn't enough for Shane to find a gold statue of Lewis in Marnie's room (of course, she refused to say how it got there in the first place), but now Farmer had one. Well, at least Shane's spouse had chosen a cute animal instead of one with the hideous mayor's face on it. "Why?" "That statue gives us ore every day." "...So you can do nothing and you'll make a profit. Wow, that's handy stuff." A useful statue and a nice looking one, so Shane didn't mind.

Imagining the life of a rich and famous athlete, which Alex aspired to, he still didn't understand some of the oddities of people living in luxury. For example, the habit of ordering gold statues with encrusted gems. Alex's spouse had received a statue of Perfection as a reward for their deeds, but those who just bought them and tried to pass them off as some kind of achievement? Weird. They usually also ugly looking, not like Farmer's statue that looks like a bear, or maybe it's a cat, and... ??? Did the statue just give him a prismatic shard??????

"Darling, where did you get this?" "One statue was given to me by Grandpa. The other I got as a reward." Never before had Harvey seen statues as tall as himself made of pure iridium. The doctor hadn't paid much attention to it before, thinking they were just strange decorations made of inexpensive metal. But later, while rearranging the bedroom, Harvey began to scrutinise each of the statues. "Your Grandpa had unusual taste in furniture." "It's not about taste, it's about to get ore." And Farmer took the iridium ore and the prismatic shard from the two statues, leaving Harvey in complete shock.

To be honest, Sebastian was a little disappointed when Farmer told him that the Statue of Perfection wasn't some sort of totem for worshipping spirits or gods. Too bad, he was already prepared to listen with interest about how these statues were connected to all sorts of occult stuff, but alas. "Well, I wouldn't say the statues are simple, hon." When Sebby saw with his own eyes that these metal figures yielded ore, he opened his mouth in amazement. "Cool." Okay, now Sebastian was even more interested in how this magic statue worked.

Sam's been doting on the cute faces of the iridium statues for about half an hour now. "Heh, adorable. Where did you acquire that statue?" "Got it from Grandpa's Shrine." "...Huh? From where?" The young guitarist guessed that the statues were unusual, but he didn't realise that there was a whole adventure story behind them with all the weirdness. "And one of the conditions of getting statue was to pet your dog?" "Yeah! Well, I'd pet the dog anyway because I love our dog, statue or not, but yeah." Sam doesn't understand anything, but he's still interested! Like wow, cool magic statue!

When Elliott was touring for his book signings, he managed to visit several museums in Zuzu City that were full of similarly unusual statues and figures. At least the statues his spouse purchased weren't the spawn of nightmares (Elliott doesn't judge art, but he certainly wouldn't want those decorations in his home). "They're not just cute, dear" When one of the statues produced a prismatic shard, the writer was speechless. But then he had an idea... "The hero went on an adventure in search of a statue of eternal wealth... Not a bad plot for a novel, don't you think?"

SVE bachelors react to Statue of Perfection/True Perfection:

Magnus can't believe his own eyes. "This is an endless source of iridium ore - a dream for treasure seekers, and a topic of discussion among mages and witches as to the origin of this relic. But also the cause of death for many, ruined by their own greed and envy." The wizard hopes that his spouse will not meet the same fate. He also tries to restrain himself from the urge to study the Statue of Perfection by being cautious. Magnus knows that Farmer's intentions are pure, and they have earned such a reward through hard work, but just in case.

"You definitely had to go through many trials and do incredible things to obtain such a treasure, my dear. A worthy reward for someone like you." Lance knows very well that even the richest person in the world cannot afford such a magical statue, it only has to be earned. And his dear spouse has earned not one, but two whole statues. Lance knows how these statues work, so not surprised about that. But the pink-haired man is more interested in the exact merits for which Farmer was so honoured. Lance wouldn't mind hearing their story over a glass of wine.

Oh, it's.... the Statue of Perfection! It's real! What? Of course Victor knows about it! Well, not that he knows for sure, but he's read books about various artifacts and relics that were covered in mysteries. The books themselves were written by adventurers, and there were at least a few mentions of a legendary Statue of Perfection that would bring the owner happiness and wealth. Or something like that. But now Victor's spouse has been given a true legend for their hard work! It's impressive, and he is very proud of Farmer!

_________________________________________

Bonus reaction from non-marriage SVE adventurers/mages:

"What do we have here~ Sweetie, you have no idea what powerful magic these statues contain." It wasn't even the fact that the two pure iridium statues yielded ore and a prismatic shard every day that interested Camilla. The Castle Village witch believes there is something else stored inside, something that would be good to study. Wealth doesn't interest her, but potential magic does.... "I wonder how the Farmer got such a treasure, hmm? You'll tell your friend Camilla, right?

The first time Alesia saw the statues of Perfection, she thought Farmer worshipped some kind of animal spirits. She herself is an Yoba worshipper, but has no dislike for other beliefs. "If this is not totem, then what?" From the information she's received about the statue, the sniper is silent from shock for a few seconds, then says, "According to the legends, people, blended with greed, killed each other to get their hands on these relics. Do not repeat their fate, young adventurer. And be careful who you share this information with." Alesia hoped Farmer wouldn't get themself into trouble...

Jadu is going to faint with happiness. These are the same statues of Perfection that wizards and adventurers have been searching for for centuries! The metal artifacts made of pure iridium simply radiate magic! They have a rather lovely appearance, the wizard should note, very cute.... But he's distracted! Jadu almost begs Farmer to let him study them. Like Camilla, he's interested in the knowledge hidden in the statues, not the iridium ore itself.

Are these THE statues of Perfection that half of all adventurers and wizards would kill themselves over? Pfft, it looked like some cheap obscure bear-faced thing. Isaac is not impressed. And the presence of ore in the statue didn't surprise him much either ("I've seen stranger things"). Still, the grumpy adventurer will not deny the fact that Farmer has achieved this, albeit silly-looking, reward by hard work. So they're worth something. Maybe Farmer is not as hopeless as Isaac previously thought. ("Thanks Isaac. I guess...").

[bapple117]

Memory Reboot - A One-Sided Radiostatic One-Shot (Vox x Alastor)

Third person - Fluff, Pining, Angst - mild adult references

~ A03 Link ~ text is also included below after the break ~ excuse the crappy art ~

Summary: Every now and then, Vox allows himself a trip down memory lane; back to when he and Alastor were good friends. This night, Vox rediscovers an old bit of memorabilia that has him reminiscing, all about one night when he and the Radio Demon shared a drink or two. The memory is a bittersweet reminder of what could have been, and what almost happened; lips meeting for the sweetest of stolen moments.

---------------------------------

Vox stumbles into his room, clumsy and heavy with drink. He bashes his head into the door as it rebounds; groaning, he rubs at his screen with a grimace. 

Drinking alone is always a bad idea. With the other two Vees both out for the night, Vox had allowed himself a little more stalking than he usually does; drinking in his surveillance room, watching and rewatching clips of the Radio Demon going about his day. It’s obsessive; Vox knows it is. He still can’t help himself. 

He teeters wildly on his legs now, looking through his belongings for some painkillers for the inevitable screen-ache he’ll have in the morning; where the fuck are they?!

Not a single drawer he searches yields any results. Vox tosses items left and right, searching through masses of cables and piles of clothes. He rifles through his bathroom cabinet, knocking down an assortment of pill bottles in the process; none of them what he needs right now.

“Fuck my life,” the Television Demon mutters to himself. 

On his hands and knees, he pulls out a bottom drawer from a huge dresser. Vox moves sloppily with inebriation as he pilfers through all the junk and bric-a-brac. And then - his hand is on something that feels familiar yet forgotten all at once. Vox pulls it out; and there it is.

His electric heart shudders within his chest. 

The tiny die-cast CRT TV model that Alastor had gifted to him years ago. So many years ago. So long ago, in-fact, that when Alastor had presented Vox with this small model, it had been exactly what Vox’s own head had looked like. A chunky, heavy, 70s television. Long outdated technology, these days, of course; Vox has upgraded several times over the years since then. 

Vox can hardly believe his tired eyes; it’s been years since he thought about this. He remembers the night Alastor gave it to him all too well - too painfully well. Vox sighs; his sadness threatening to leak into the forefront of his drink-weakened mind. 

The search for the painkillers now given up on and forgotten, Vox crawls to his bed and lays on it in the dark, the small metal totem still in his hand. Neon lights from the city outside dance and skitter on the walls. Vox stares at the ceiling. 

He can’t help himself; the memory begins to play in his mind, like an old VHS recording, discovered and dusty. Vox usually represses these memories, but for some reason, he allows this one to consume his thoughts this night. He drifts off into it; a broken heart indulging itself despite the pain. 

---------------------------------

It’s the past. Long, long ago; some time in the 1970s. Vox is drinking with Alastor - the Radio Demon, his friend. They are drinking together in Alastor’s old apartment, sharing each other’s company in the easy way that they used to. The apartment is full of antique furniture and vintage radio paraphernalia; Vox has been here many times, and yet he always eyes Alastor’s decor with the same dry observations. 

“You really need to get with the times, Al,” Vox says. “Get some more modern stuff.”

The Television Demon gawks at himself in an ornate mirror on the wall; his on-screen features blink back at him, set in his wide CRT TV head. 

“Nonsense,” Alastor calls from the kitchen. “There’s nothing wrong with my decor choices. Some things never go out of style.”

Vox huffs in amusement to himself. Secretly, he adores Alastor’s presentation. Vox looks up to the Radio Demon; he admires him. Vox wants to be just like Alastor, really. Powerful, respected, smart, classy. Alastor is everything Vox wants to be. At this point in time, Vox is a much weaker Overlord than Alastor, having only been in Hell for less than twenty years. It’s never an issue between them, of course, but Vox knows he is inferior. One day, he’ll be better. 

The Television Demon joins his friend in the kitchen then; Alastor is pouring new glasses of drink for them. Something expensive. 

“Woah,” Vox says, laughing. “What are we celebrating?”

“Well, I was wondering when you’d ask,” Alastor says sassily. “I took down another one of my rivals today.”

Vox blinks. His screen buzzes. 

“Another Overlord?” He asks, both impressed and appalled. 

Alastor nods, pleased. 

“Don’t look so surprised,” Alastor says, grinning. “It was no effort at all, really. Hardly worth you looking so gormless over. What fun it was though!”

Vox laughs nervously. 

“Well, uh, that’s great, Al!” He says, accepting the drink. “You gotta promise not to ever try and take me down like that though, huh?”

It’s a weak joke; both demons know that it stinks of a true fear. Alastor scoffs. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Vox,” the Radio Demon says. “How long have we known each other now, hmm?”

Vox scans his memories to try and answer accurately.

“Uhhh… Well years,” he says. “Almost two decades.”

“Exactly. And have I ever once betrayed you?” Alastor asks, gesturing for them to sit at the table. 

Vox follows Alastor’s lead and sits. 

“I guess not,” Vox says. 

The two demons sit in silence for a while; which is odd, given how prone to idle conversation they both usually are. Alastor hums along to a jazz tune playing in the background; Vox fiddles with his glass.

Alastor is deep in contented thought; eyes closed, a red claw tapping at the table to the rhythm of the song. Vox takes a gulp of his drink, still not knowing what it is; his question is answered as soon as it hits his throat. Some kind of very strong spiced rum, neat on ice. The Television Demon coughs a little, white noise filling the silence. Alastor grins. 

Vox looks up at his friend then; sees his smile. His own grin creeps up on to his screen. How simple it is between them; how easy it’s always been. Just the two of them. Alastor doesn’t have many friends; Vox is honoured to be one of them. Friends. Vox wishes they were so much more. 

“You know,” Vox says then, staring at his drink. “We could be something. Together, I mean.”

Alastor’s neck snaps a little as his head twitches to the side in confusion. 

“Something?” 

Vox hastens to clarify. 

“You know. A team. Take down Overlords together,” he says. 

Alastor seems to genuinely consider this for a moment; he drifts away into the thought of it. Vox lets himself hope for a second; his hopes are dashed just as quickly. 

“Hmm,” Alastor says. “You know me, though! I prefer to work solo.”

Vox slumps a little. His work shirt sleeves are rolled up messily; one begins to loosen from its turn-up, so he focuses on re-rolling it. 

“I know,” he says. “Doesn’t it ever get lonely, though?”

“I don’t think so,” Alastor says, amused. 

“Oh.”

The Radio Demon ponders this for a beat longer; he senses he has insulted his friend somehow. This is meant to be a nice evening celebrating his latest victory; Alastor supposes he should show a little courtesy to keep things jovial. 

“I suppose it does, sometimes,” Alastor says. 

Vox feels his inner wiring twisting in his abdomen. 

“Oh?”

Alastor rolls his eyes; must he elaborate?

“Well, I suppose having more allies couldn’t hurt,” he says. 

“Oh, well,” Vox says. “I could… I could be that for you?”

Alastor grins. 

“In your current state, I feel you may not be of any use to me, Vox old pal,” Alastor teases. “Come back to me when you’re stronger, hmm?”

The Radio Demon knocks playfully on the side of Vox’s clunky CRT head; it echoes within him. Vox knows that Alastor only means this as a cheeky gibe between friends; it wounds him all the same. 

Vox lets out a nervous laugh as response and tries to conceal the hurt.

The night is salvaged somewhat; the two demons continue to drink into the early hours. They chat, they listen to music, they share stories about various occurrences in Hell. Despite the fact they are undying souls in burning eternity, they are also both something else; two beings who both died as young men, now frozen in time. 

Alastor isn’t who he’ll truly be just yet; neither is Vox. In this memory, they are their younger, slightly sweeter selves. It’s enough to make present-day Vox cry with how much he’d give anything to have those days back. 

Towards the end of the night, the two demons sit side by side together, wasted. They use the sofa as a backrest as they sit sloppily on the floor. Vox hiccups and it sounds like a channel being changed; Alastor laughs.

“You know,” the Radio Demon starts. “I do enjoy these little chats of ours, despite our conflicting technology.”

Vox is giddy; he nods, eager. 

“One day I’m gonna be great, Al,” Vox says, suddenly. “I’m gonna build an empire. It’s gonna be huge.”

Alastor smiles; it’s the soft, fond smile of a friend humouring someone. 

“Is that so?”

“Yeah,” Vox says, slurring slightly. “And I’ll be as strong as you - no! - even stronger.” 

Alastor is laughing; genuine and warm. Vox grins wide at the sound of it. 

“I’ll take over all of Hell!” Vox says, clenching a fist. 

Alastor chuckles. 

“Hm. That sounds nice,” he says, drunk and feeling it. 

“Well,” Vox starts. “You’ll be there with me, right?”

Alastor quirks his head. 

“Will I?”

“Sure! We’ll do it together,” Vox says, wicked intent on his screened features. “We’ll rule Hell together. No fucker will cross us with our combined skills.”

Alastor is giggling; Vox wants to climb into the sound of it and live there. 

“Well, that is a lofty concept, to be sure,” Alastor says. “But it is pleasing, I have to admit. You truly do get some devious ideas don’t you?”

“Fuck yeah I do!” Vox says, delighted. 

Alastor smiles to himself, looking away. 

“Well, if that ever comes to fruition, you can count on me being there,” he says.

“Yeah?!” Vox is beaming. “I can’t wait for what the future brings, Al. This old thing will be the first to get an upgrade, that’s for sure.”

Vox taps his own head; even now in the late 70s, his TV set head is looking a bit vintage. Vox just needs to wait for Earth technology to advance and filter down; he can’t wait to be better. Stronger. Faster. Alastor tenses as a thought seems to come to him.

“That reminds me!” The Radio Demon says. “I have something for you.”

Alastor retrieves something from his pocket and hands it to a captivated Vox; it's a tiny metal die-cast model of a Sony Triniton KV-1820UB television set. It looks just like Vox’s current head. 

“Here you are,” Alastor says, pleased with himself. 

Vox is enamoured; the Radio Demon doesn’t do gifts. This is special; it means Vox is special. 

“Al, I don’t know what to say,” Vox says, his nerves alive and crackling. “I can’t believe you got this for me… I love it.”

Alastor grins wide. 

“I got one for me, too,” he says, holding up a tiny model of an old radio. “I found a charming boutique selling all kinds of little novelties. Aren’t they fun?”

Vox is astonished; not only did Alastor get him a gift, he got one for himself to match. This surely is symbolic? Vox’s receivers are scrabbling to interpret the signals Alastor is giving off. 

“Wow, yeah, that’s uh… That’s cute, Al,” Vox says, shakily. “It’s not like you to give gifts.”

Alastor laughs. 

“Well. My conquest today put me in an especially good mood, I suppose,” he says. 

Vox nods. 

“Thank you, Al,” he says, screen blinking. “I will treasure this. I mean it.”

Alastor’s quota for sincerity has reached its limit; eager to return the conversation to playful jibes and gossip, the Radio Demon scoffs. Vox grins; he knows Alastor hates to be perceived as kind, despite the fact he can be. Vox shoves himself into Alastor’s shoulder in a playful bump.

“You’re goin’ soft on me, old man,” Vox jokes; Alastor pretends to be aghast. 

“Old man?” He scorns. “How dare you, Vox. I only died two decades before you and we were both more or less the same age at death. Watch your tongue.”

Vox chuckles to himself. The two demons sit together for a little while longer in peaceful quiet; Vox’s mind is full of static. He’s processing, thinking. Vox has tried to broach this topic before, but he can’t help himself; he needs to push it again. 

“Hey, uh, Al?” He says. 

Alastor looks at him and hums an acknowledgement. Vox’s gaze shifts around nervously. 

“Do you remember that… conversation, we had a while ago?” Vox says. 

Alastor does remember; he pretends for now that he doesn’t. He shakes his head. Vox exhales shakily. 

“Look, I, uh… I know you don’t like talking about… feelings, and stuff, but…”

Alastor wants this nipped in the bud as soon as possible. 

“Is this about your infatuation, hmm?” The Radio Demon says, trying to sound casual about it. “I’ve told you Vox. It will pass, it’s just a-“

“No,” Vox says, urgent. “It won’t, Al, and you know it.”

Vox grabs Alastor’s hand; the Radio Demon doesn’t recoil. He lets his claws sit limply within Vox’s; a tiny concession for this display of vulnerability. And anyway; they’ve linked hands before, when dancing or fleeing a crime scene, or such. No big deal. Alastor sighs. 

“You know I can’t give you want you want,” he says, radio filter slipping away. “This is all I can give you. My time. My friendship, my consort to you as a fellow Overlord.”

Vox is exasperated. 

“Can’t you give me just a little bit more?” He asks.

Alastor avoids the Television Demon’s gaze. 

“I don’t think so,” he says. 

Vox grabs Alastor’s chin in his, then; pulling it in his direction to make Alastor look at him. 

“How do you know you won’t like it?” Vox says. “You’ve never even tried it.”

Alastor blushes at the sudden contact, the intrusiveness of it. He’s flustered simply because Vox is being so forward; any sign of aggressive intent is entertaining to Alastor, of course. 

“Why don’t you let me just try?” Vox says, his voice a thin whine.

“Vox, old friend, come on now-“

“Why won’t you let me just kiss you?” Vox whispers. “Please, Al.”

Alastor hesitates; if he relents, will it be enough to just shut Vox up about this once and for all? This topic cropping up every couple of years is getting tiresome. And... he does care about Vox. Alastor loves him, in his own way; platonic but true.

“Please, Al,” Vox murmurs, his eyes fixed on Alastor’s lips. “I’m begging you. I know it’ll feel right when it happens.”

Vox’s hand tightens around Alastor’s chin; he’s trying to pull him inwards. Alastor’s heart rate quickens; annoyingly. He’s a deer in headlights; drunk and unsure how to retaliate. Vox is closing the distance between their faces; Alastor can feel their hot breath exchanging in the small gap between their mouths. 

Alastor’s ears are flat against his head; Vox is staring at his lips.

“Please,” he whispers again. 

“I don’t… I don’t know,” Alastor whispers back. 

“Please,” Vox begs, desperate. 

Alastor huffs in defeat, and Vox knows he has won. Vox leans in and presses his screen to Alastor’s mouth; for a moment, the Radio Demon is rigid. But then… his mouth is moving; Vox is elated. Alastor is relenting. Vox cannot believe it. Alastor is kissing him back; his hand at the edge of Vox’s screen. Their mouths move together quickly, the taste of rum amongst it all. Vox's mind is awash with joy.

Yes, YES. Fucking YES! This is it, this is IT! 

Vox moans into Alastor’s mouth; he risks letting his tongue breech Alastor’s lips, tries sticking it down Alastor’s throat - 

Alastor pulls away; Vox is devastated. Too far. 

“Hmm!” Alastor says, recovering, trying to sound light-hearted. “No, still not for me, I don’t think.”

Vox is panting, red in the screen. He’s hard; of course he is. Vox’s eyes dart all over Alastor, looking for signs - proof that he did like it. 

“No, Al, come on,” Vox says. “Please, you know it works, WE work, c'maaan!”

Alastor is sad; a part of him does wish he could give Vox what he wants. It would make things so much easier; it would ensure keeping his loyalty, for one. And… well. It would make things a bit less lonely. But Alastor just can’t let himself go there.

“I’m sorry, Vox,” he says, genuinely melancholy. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want from me. I really am.”

“No,” Vox is angry. “It cannot be like this, please, we were so close-“

“I think it’s high time we went to bed, hmm?” Alastor says. “You’re in no state to get yourself home. You can sleep on the sofa.”

“Al, stop, just, can we talk about this? Can we try again, I’ll go slower, I promise,” Vox says, grasping at straws.

Alastor smiles weakly. He reaches up and turns one of Vox’s dials fondly; Vox’s erection twitches in his jeans. 

“You’ve just had too much to drink, hmm?” Alastor says. “We’ll sleep this off and tomorrow it’ll all be forgotten about.”

Alastor stands then; Vox groans, his screen in his hands. 

“We’ll be back to normal tomorrow, eh, old pal?” Alastor says with forced jollity.

Vox sighs; it’s guttural. He looks up at the Radio Demon, agonised. 

“I’m never going to be back to normal,” Vox says. “I’m always going to want this. I’m always going to want you.”

Alastor hesitates; he looks forlorn. Only in the eyes, of course; but his smile is a tight, thin line on his face. 

“I know," he says.

Vox's heart shatters in his chest; not for the first time. 

"Do try to get over it, though, won’t you?” Alastor says, and he turns to leave for his bedroom. “Get some sleep.”

Vox is left alone in the living room; ruined. 

---------------------------------

The memory of that night, so many decades ago, drifts away from present-day Vox, just as cruelly as Alastor had slipped from his grasp.

The pain of it - and indeed, remembering what came later - is unbearable; Vox can only cope with these memories now by wanting Alastor dead. Just so he’d be gone for good; just to rid himself of the pain of knowing Vox never got to keep him. He came close, of course; some years later, in the 80s. For a while, Vox had had Alastor; it had been so sweet. Vox doesn’t let himself think on this, for now. It’s too brutal. He’d be a mess; for now, he needs to compose himself. Vox places the die-cast vintage TV model on his bedside table and looks at it for a few beats. 

I wonder if Alastor still has his radio model. 

I wonder if he still thinks of me.

Vox curls into a ball in his bed; the truth hums around him, thick and heavy, like electricity in the air before a thunderstorm. 

He’ll never love me like I love him.

He never did.

---------------------------------

This story continues in:

Bluest Monday

Read all my stuff on AO3 🍎

[coffeegnomee]

Why the Eclipse Federation is so beloved for so long. An essay about Story.

In the book “Story Genius: How to use brain science to go beyond outlining and write a riveting novel” author Lisa Cron proposes:

“What drives a story forward is, at first blush, invisible. It’s not talent. It’s not voice. It’s not the plot. Think electricity. The same way even the most powerful lamp is useless unless it’s plugged in, a story can’t engage readers without the electricity that illuminates the plot, the voice, and the talent, bringing them to life.

The question is: what, specifically, generates that juice?

The answer is: it flows directly from how the protagonist is making sense of what’s happening, how she struggles with, evaluates, and weighs what matters most to her, and then makes hard decisions, moving the action forward. This is not a general struggle, but one based on the protagonist’s impossible goal: to achieve her desire and remain true to the fear that’s keeping her from it. As we’ll explore in detail, story is not about the plot, or what happens. Story is about how the things that happen in the plot affect the protagonist, and how he or she changes internally as a result” (bold added) 

And more to the point, “You can’t write about how someone changes unless you know, specifically, what they’re changing from.”

———

Where we begin

We launch the Eclipse Federation arc with PrinceZam telling his tale to ItzSubz_ in Detroit. Zam has just left his team because they duped thousands of items, terrorized the server, and were unwilling to let go of this unfair advantage. He tells how he battled them on the nether roof, lost everything, and was exiled. He was chased down, followed to his castle and was terrorized every day until he was killed over and over (#stonesword). He’s lost everything. He needs a team, he needs friends. 

This is where our story begins, a hero who has a specific and definitive backstory, something that compels him to reach out to our inciting incident: speaking to Subz when he’s on 2 hearts. 

Subz, seeing everything that has happened, sympathizes with Zam citing that he thinks they have both been wronged by the server and it’s time they stopped letting that happen. 

This is where the tragedy begins. 

Subz operates under the assumption that Zam wants to get back at those who wronged him. Zam agrees with this in the moment. 

But Subz fails to realize that it is the exploits that caused Zam to be wronged: if the exploits hadn’t happened, if the dupe war hadn’t happened, Zam would never have left his team and he, in turn, would never have been terrorized for weeks. 

And above anything else, Subz fails to realize that Zam does not want to be on a team that exploits.

Our hero, with a definitive backstory, is placed in a situation that directly places tension on that selfsame backstory.

The days go by and the team, now including Vitalasy, grows together, bonding over shared fights, laughing and joking, creating silly bedrooms with the most obnoxious blocks possible. 

All is well.

Then Ashswag reveals that he can one-tap any player, in any amount of armor, he has seemingly infinite amounts of totems, and he’s acting like he’s on a power trip, giggling and evading questions. 

Exploits have returned to the LifestealSMP.

Zam’s heart sinks as he realizes that something huge is brewing on the server. And it’s worse than any duped item he previously had been involved with.

Confused and hurt, he reaches out to his team to figure out what their next steps will be. How they’ll fight this disaster. 

But tragedy strikes again. Thanks to the beauty of streamed content, Subz accidentally goes live instead of starting a recording and he reveals that he and Vitalasy are the cause of these new exploited items and that they are very upset with Ash for showing them off. Because of this mistake, they decide to tell Zam everything.

Suddenly, against all odds, against all logic, against all reason, our main character is once again on a team who is using exploits and is unwilling to let them go.

It baffles the mind. How could he have been so clear with Subz about the reason behind him leaving Team Awesome and Subz still let him on the team knowing they had this exploit plan.

Once again it’s the beauty of streamed content that has brought our main charater into the most absurd of situations: they’re friends. Genuinely. Outside of content. Of course Subz brought him onto the team. Why would he not.

The reasons for the situation are simple, but the gravity of them affects Zam deeply. 

Our hero has to face a situation that directly relates to his past, as struggle of friendship vs values. 

No longer is this a situation of school yard bullying, creating obsidian prisons at spawn and using duplicated items to win fights; this is an apocalyptic situation. Lifesteal season 4 will end if this exploit is not stopped. What was obsidian is now bedrock, what was duped netherite is now one-tap potions, what was once withers destroying spawn are now mysterious creatures that kill players instantly.

So our hero has to face not only the apocalypse, but also himself. Battling against his love of his friends and his need for community and safety, while also battling for the safety of everyone on the server.

These streams slowly unfold a dark reality that anyone who has every been in a bad relationship has had to face. What do you do when the person you love is no longer recognizable? 

When your values are no longer aligned, have never been aligned? 

Do you leave them? Do you stay? Do you hope you can change them? 

How do you process the fact that they lied to you, let you in knowing that you are diametrically opposed to something that they were secretly doing? How do you process that it was an accident? That you hadn’t communicated the depth of the importance of this value (not exploiting) well enough so they didn’t pick up on it as important to communicate from the start?

How do reconcile lies that are told to your face? How do you stand up for yourself in the face of gaslighting? 

To quote Lisa Cron again, “The purpose of story - of every story - is to help us interpret, and anticipate, the actions of ourselves and of others.” (bold added)

This is the foundation of why this arc was so tragic, so compelling. Why it sticks in my mind for over a year now, the details as clear and crisp as the day I watched the streams. I can still see the actions being played out in that Minecraft blocky world like it was yesterday. The deepslate tiles of the communication room, the glowing yellow and purple and red signs, the prison in the sky, the exchange of trust apples. 

It’s not about the apocalypse, it’s about one man’s battle within himself. So he leaves the team. Sticks up for himself and stakes a claim against exploits.

But the tragedy continues. As the days pass we realize that maybe Vitalasy was telling the truth and he isn’t going to be the villain. Everything contradicts this opinion. He’s flying, he’s one-tapping Planet in the prison, he’s using the potions. He’s going insane but remaining delusional. 

And yet he continues to insist he’s not evil. He’s good. 

Every storytelling tactic says this man should be the villain and yet he refuses to do so (creating some new interesting content as the streamers have to contend with other members who don’t act within the rules of Play and of Content).

Eventually Vitalasy burns all his exploited items. Zam, left in abject frustration, releases a chunk ban which only bans Mapicc. Giving up, he leaves. And Vitalasy bans himself, throwing himself off the prison over and over, sealing the story that he is not the villain. He was misunderstood.

To quote the Mer essay “anger transmute(s) into grief as if by magic” and FarmerZam is born. The story has affected our protagonist deeply and he has changed. He has no enemies. He refuses to look at how he’s hurt his friends because it’s simply too painful. Everything that could have gone wrong has. 

Then Subz revives Vitalasy. Takes him around the server to their old bases while Vitalasy remains in depression about being misunderstood. He doesn’t want to be here. 

But as Subz reveals the final base, before they go through the end portal, Vitalasy catches a glimpse of a new sign room, one filled with depressive thoughts. The same thoughts he has been having this whole stream. You can almost hear his posture fix as he realizes the state of mind Subz is in. He needs to convince Subz to stay.

But we all know what happens, the trajectory of lives are changed. Subz has Vitalasy kill him, banning him off for the rest of the season, promising to be back when Vitalasy needs him most, but for no one else. 

Zam sees the death message and panics. He needs answers, he needs to bring Subz back. He’ll do anything to bring him back since it was Subz, it always has been Subz, who took him in when he had nothing. He realizes in a flash that he cares more about the friendship than about any values he held. But it’s too late now.

The tension, the sorrow stays. Zam decides to repair all his old friendships before the wormhole opens and this world ends. Vitalasy is forgiven. Spoke, Mapic, Ro. Planet, Bacon, Jaron. Everyone he betrayed. Everyone he let down.

But he forgot about Pangi. 

But Pangi didn’t forget about him. He has always been there for Zam, but Zam time and again has abandoned him. He’s had enough. With the server ending, he’s going to get his amends, make him repent (thanks Chips. I mean. Credit to the artist)

He traps Zam in bedrock. 

And Zam breaks. 

Friendships, betrayal, enemies. Everything comes full circle. It seems you can’t escape your past just as you can’t escape being on the exploit team.

Once again we enter the story with a defined background, but this time it breaks Zam completely. 

It’s not about exploits. It’s not about fairness. It’s about friendship. It’s about Subz. Subz was the only one who truly cared about him. He didn’t bring him onto the team maliciously, he really and truly cared about Zam and now he was Gone. Grief wells to the surface, Subz’s words about getting back at everyone who wronged them rings in his ears. 

He’s going to talk to Spoke and end the world. 

But his heart rebells even now. He’s betraying everyone again. But he’s sick of betraying. He won’t do it again, no matter how much chat tries to convince him Spoke is just using him and doesn’t care about him.

He’s going to end the world so that Subz will come back. 

And then the pièce de résistance. Subz IS revived. And he’s disappointed in Zam for changing sides and joining the exploiters when he left them because if it.

The depths of that final conversation makes Zam’s story the most insane tragedy. It has been 5 months of near daily or every other day developments on this story. The twists and turns have produced laughter and tears, cheering, anger, frustration, satisfaction, depression. 

And in the end? Subz still chose Vitalasy. Man how I wanted them to take him back in that moment. But what was done was done. These are the consequences of our actions. 

And in the end the circle comes to another completion: he’s back on a team with Mapicc, the same person he betrayed over the duped exploits. They promise each other to end the server with everyone banned, no matter what anyone else has to say. In the end they jump into the portals together and the server is moved to season 5. (I too, in union with where Zam ended his video, think it’s a good place to end the plot here rather than with that final scene on the grass. This is the last character decision he made)

———

The Present Moment

Zam was talking on stream a few days ago about how Kaboodle wanted to know why Eclipse was so beloved still. Mer’s essay came up (which I read and absolutely loved), but the essay talks more about the dynamics of the streamers themselves and how their relation to Play made the story compelling to watch. Which it absolutely does, and I’ve written about how much this has reframed how I view Lifesteal.

But I think that only covers one aspect. The deeper reason why there’s still fanart being drawn of Eclipse is how Zam created (and/or was handed) one of the most tragic plot lines ever created by man, and how he allowed himself to be affected by the story, and how he brought it alive through his streams as he “struggles with, evaluates, and weighs what matters most to [him], and then makes hard decisions, moving the action forward.”

And this is why Zam is so beloved by the community in general. This is how he approaches every arc on Lifesteal. Most recently the Joker arc launched from the Abyss betrayal, which in turn, after his ban the first day of hardcore, turned into the possession arc as he realizes his love of Mapicc and Ro goes beyond his obsession with Minute and Jumper. 

Each note of Lifesteal flows into the other as he lets us into the inner workings of his mind as he weighs one decision from another.

Because at the end of the day, I remember the tragedy, the longing for friendship and the betrayals, more than I will ever remember the circular reasoning of Vitalasy or the “okay”’s from pb&j. I only remember the strained voice of Zam as he wrote signs and went in circles trying to reconcile the fact that he couldn’t stay on a team and he couldn’t leave. How he was being dangled off the edge of a cliff being held up by Vitalasy. How Minute just doesn’t get it, he needs to be shown what Lifesteal is. His maniacal laughs as the Joker. Zam allows the story to affect him and he uses every ounce of it to create even more. 

As Branzy said in the therapy session “It’s a human story. About what humans are.”

To their credit, Subz and Vitalasy also allowed themselves to be affected by the story. Without Vi banning himself because he was so misunderstood, and Subz bringing him back to ban him so that Eclipse could have some sort of ending, and without Subz doing so much lore with Zam in 1 on 1 conversations, we wouldn’t have the same story.

The same with Pangi finishing his lore by trapping Zam because Zam didn’t do the god-off with him. The same with Ash being Ash and flexing his god powers. The same with Spoke bringing Zam into the team and then getting caught up in managing the wormhole so he didn’t have time for 1 on 1’s with Zam to make him feel totally accepted as a valuable member. The same with Mapicc always being willing to let go of the past to save himself as well as never letting go of the past so he has something to do on the server. The same with Planet talking to Zam and Bacon and figuring out how to fight the exploits and realizing they needed to convince Zam to betray. The same with Branzy giving the craziest therapy session lifesteal has ever seen. Without each member allowing themselves to be affected by the story, the story doesn’t go anywhere. 

[mleemwyvern]

actually i dont think ive mentioned my impulse headcanon here so im gonna talk about it

does anyone else remember season seven? where impulse said "i think i'm human", then laughed it off as a joke? well that line lives in my brain rent free. he thinks hes human. but hes not sure.

and really, why would he be? he was summoned. he eats amethysts. he seems to be drawn towards totems, and he likes to sort items (literally invented the item sorter). what else fits that?

totems come from evokers. vexes are summonable. allays duplicate when given amethyst, and they also love to sort. impulse feels like something related to them.

vexes and allays are like. minecraft fae. impulse.... is a changeling.

hes human shaped, but not quite the same. he thinks hes human. he grew up with humans and never knew he was anything else. but there is something off about him, some traits that betray his true nature. back in season seven, he didnt know. he was starting to question it. i wonder if he knows by now.

and if hes a changeling, i wonder who he replaced.

[bleue-flora]

I Saw one person Said on twitter that cdream probably doesn't hate attachments bc the speeches when he said it/implied it were staged and wow they kinda have a point. While tbh i do think there's a bit of true in what cdream Said in those, it does get one to think, what we know of this guy that isn't a lie to make everyone think he's a crazy enough to be locked up? Like cpunz and cdream evil Disney villains moments on the final streams were most probably an act for cclingy so how much of what we know about the guy is a lie just trick us? Cdream can be a manipulator bc he manipulates people into believing the worst of him, using their already hate for him agaist them and it's interesting how it can trick Even us sometimes. We could never know what was on that guy mind the same as the other characthers and make our own assumtions of it and give him motovations that arent his. And when the final came he had the oportunity to Said the others which is his real motovation and not a theory created based on assumtions miscontructed or theories or líes

lol yea that boy is more attached to his attachments than anyone on the server and that’s saying something considering ctommy fought wars just for the discs, the difference is that cdream does not put the value of an item above all else.

But man did you see the way he stands in front of the cat and takes ctommy’s punches to protect it, and how he killed ctommy after already being in prison with him for weeks right after ctommy killed the cat. Did you see the way he snatches spirit from ctommy in the finale or the way he yells about it while being blackmailed, or the way he responds to csam in Daedalus about bringing animals back to life. Did you hear the way he won’t name the dog in prison after ctechno keeps asking him, almost like he’s afraid if he names it it’ll be taken from him just like everything else he’s named. Did you hear the way he screams at csam to get cquackity to stop killing ctechno, the way he tells ctechno he doesn’t want to experience death, and the way he stands in front of ctechno trying to take the hits for him. Did you see the way he not only helps ctechno get totems to dodge death (after he knows he can bring him back with the revive book), not only provides the distraction to help him escape and give him items, but saves his horse Carl. Do you hear the way he tells cpunz they need to separate so he can stay safe from the server coming to kill cdream (right after they save Carl who was used to kill ctechno). Did you hear the way he begs and explains in the dethronement conversation how he’s just trying to protect them, how dethroning cgeorge keeps him safe, how when he crowns him originally he promises to keep cgeorge safe but already begins to worry that he cannot because he can’t be everywhere all the time. Did you see how ctommy gets exiled after he burns down cgeorge’s house. Did you hear the way he comes and asks csapnap for his armor after the jailbreak while he’s already in full netherite, the way he practically begs to have what’s his back for sentimental value.

Cdream is so very attached, even his denial and adamancy of not having attachments proves as much. Of course, he’s going to claim he doesn’t care in front of his biggest enemies right after his dead horse’s leather is threatened to be burned and he’s blackmailed into tearing down the walls while they ruthlessly mock him, after they burned down cgeorge’s house because they know he cares about cgeorge. Of course, he’s going to say he has nothing to lose as everyone rallies to take him down. Of course he’s going to yell how he has no attachments - no weaknesses - nothing they can use against him - nothing they can hurt to hurt him.

He’s so freaking attached it’s why he knows the value of attachments. It’s why he knows the limits of what ctommy will do for his discs, it’s why he gives back their armor after the battles and wars. He values and respects people’s care for their attachments. That’s why he knows the items on the walls will piss them off to the point of imprisoning him, because on the outside it’s the most ridiculous nonsense, he didn’t even steal those items, besides the discs he’s not really been one for blackmail before - and honestly like come on now, the skeppy cage? Showing ctommy all the things he has and what his plan is when he intends to let him live. - He knew attachments would make people blind to how crazy it all was, blinded by their love and fear.

Honestly, one of his funniest lines in the disc confrontation is how people didn’t really have attachments before ctommy and how ctommy creates attachments. Like heh? I’m sorry I don’t remember ctommy being there for bekerson or mars or spirit or cponk’s first lemon tree… people had attachments before ctommy, he didn’t influence that. He didn’t even form L’manberg one of the bigger attachments to begin with. What do you mean ctommy is the instigator of attachments so you can control people — Dream, babe, you make no sense…

I digress, as far as him lying to us and can we even believe anything he says, is it all a trick…etc. I will say that there is a reason the cdream apologists were not surprised by what he says in the finale. It’s because we already knew it was true even before the words left his mouth. Because within his lies there is a thread of truth, the best lies always do. And when he’s not preforming as the big bad villain in front of his enemies, he’s actually very honest with people. And we can determine this by what his actions and logic say versus his words. Where are the contradictions. Where do things not line up quite right or make sense. How does his voice sound. Who is he speaking to, his enemies or his friends. The finale is the most honest we see cdream be to ctommy but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been honest and said his motivation before. In fact, in his conversation with cpunz alone we see him spell it out and I’m fairly certain that’s not the first time either. Needless to say, yes we don’t get to see in his head but even cpunz kinda mislead us leading up to the disc confrontation, and it’s not like other characters are always upfront with their motivations (perhaps they themselves are not even aware of what they are), the reason things get misconstrued and poor assumptions get made aren’t just because we don’t get to see his pov (though that certainly is a big reason), but also because they are based on the actions and words of cdream when he’s around his enemies versus when he isn’t.

Huh… as an aside I’m pretty sure I’ve referenced this in most of the fanfic I’ve written… maybe I should just let Dream and Punz explain ;D (sorry my quotes live rent free in my head so uh enjoy angst I guess lol XD…)

[Misery Loves Another Idiot - Dream]

“It was out of kindness, mercy and attentiveness that he severed his relationships. A form of twisted protection to distance himself. It wasn’t supposed to be this real. He didn’t want them to hate him. He did say he didn’t care, but did people honestly believe him? He should be glad. He should be glad they fell for his lies. But he can’t help but feel betrayed by their incredulity. That no one bothered to consider. To ask questions. To listen. Was he so far gone already that doubt wasn’t viable? He’s a ‘liar’ after all, why was the assumption then that he was telling the truth?”

[Dreamcatcher - Punz]

“He still can’t believe they trusted Quackity and Tommy over Dream’s own words. He remembers so vividly the way Dream pretended it was intentional. Like he wanted them to leave. Like he wanted to keep them safe by not caring. It was easier than facing the rejection. Easier than knowing that his words and actions were meaningless. Easier than confronting the fact that they trusted others and the lies he tried to use to protect them. It was so much easier than facing the fact that even his close friends saw him as nothing but a power hungry tyrant (just like everyone else).That was the moment Dream’s paranoia increased and the line between his villain fascade started to become less obvious. That was the moment Dream learned that he’d have to scream to be heard and lie to be listened to.”

[Hell in a box - Dream]

“Sure, Punz has always been there by his side, through every war, but Dream can’t let go of paranoia and fear. The fear of losing him. Of losing everything. Of losing everyone. The fear weighted by every attachment that gets taken from him. Everything he loves torn from his grasp for others to rub in his face that he lost something yet again. And it hurts. He wishes it didn’t. He wishes he could be the cruel, cold, attachment-less devil they think he is, but he can’t help but get attached. To love a cat or a suit of armor or his ally. To care about the things that allow him to at least feel human. Punz is the only one left. And as much as he wants revenge, he doesn’t want to risk exposing Punz. To risk exposing his key to immortality. To risk having everyone know he does have a weakness. He knows the game, he’s played it before, but unlike Spirit, Punz is alive. And the moment he reveals his attachment, his ally, he’ll be killed mercilessly, just like Hope was.”

[Hell in a box - Punz]

“He still remembers when Dream held attachments, had pets, had a home. When Dream cherished his horse before it was ruthlessly murdered. When Dream spent days upon days making sure his armor and weapons were perfect, before they were stolen again and again. When Dream fought wars and collected items for his friends all the while making them laugh, before they abandoned him. When Dream proudly crafted his secret base, the smooth wood giving it a welcoming warm vibe, before it became a deep hole for a trap.”

[guiltygearconfessions]

dnd 5e builds for base strive cast (+ goldlewis!)

Sol: either an Artificer (Battlesmith) w a Barbarian (Totem) dip where his Steel Defender is his bike and Elk/Bear rage is dragon install OR a Wizard (Bladesinger) with a belt (headband) of giant strength and Tasha's Otherworldy Guise as his DI

Ky: Hexbalde Warlock w a Battlemaster Fighter dip since he seems charismatic and his patron cld be the Thunderseal. His manouevres: Trip (Stun Dipper), Lunge (Foudre Arc), Riposte (Vapor Thrust). Meanwhile, Eldritch Blast = Stun Edge, Booming Blade = Dire Eclat, can blow his limited spell slots on Lightning Bolt (Sacred Edge) or Hasted Booming Blades + Relentless Hex or just Thunder Step (RTL). Possibly take a sorc (Storm) dip or the Metamagic Adept feat to transmute spell and change his damage types to lightning + gain flying speed.

May: Ranger (Beastmaster) for sea animal shenanigans. Possible dips into Paladin (Devotion, to the Jellyfish Pirates) or Fighter (Cavalier) for mounted combat features and bonuses (e.g. Find Greater Steed)

Axl: Ranger (Horizon Walker) + Monk (Kensei)/Fighter (Battlemaster). The boring and "correct" answer here is pure bladesinger wiz using a flavoured whip for the Time Stop spell, but the teleportation offered by Horizon Walker and the idea of slipping between planes of existence seems flavourful. Ranger features also have a bit more trap laying flavour. Monk bonuses for movement speed + unarmoured defense to remain slippery while dressing casual.

Chipp: Monk (Shadow) with the Fey Touched and Shadow Touched feats for access to Shadow Teleport + Misty Step + Shadow Blade and maybe a small spellcaster dip into Sorcerer (Shadow) if only to get Quickened Spell for ninja flavour + Mirror Image (multiple Chipps!)

Potemkin: although a pure Fighter (Champion) is tempting, the 4 attacks per turn feels at odds w the slower, lumbering idea of Potemkin. Instead I propose DM fiat to allow smiting while Unarmed, then build Potemkin as a Variant Human (base feat used to learn Unarmed Fighting style) with full Paladin (Glory or Redemption). His devotion and larger than life presence give him moral power behind his blows which are weighty (big ass smites) but infrequent (2 per turn). The other athleticism, tanky abilities come from his Paladin subclass features. Spells like Command and Compelled Duel reflect his intimidating presence and ability to control the field. Spells like Thunderous Smite and Destructive Wave reflect his sheer terrain-altering strength. Feats could include Grappler, Tavern Brawler, Tough.

Faust: Pure Wild Magic Sorcerer or an even split btwn Wild Magic Sorc and Life Cleric. Dimension Door/Misty Step for teleports. Items could represent by: Meteors (Minute Meteors), Bomb (Delayed Blast Fireball), 100T Weight (Earth Tremor/Earthquake), Donut/Banana (Healing Word/Cure Wounds), Afro (reflavoured Web since its also a control debuff that turns into damage after fire exposure), Minifaust (so many summon spells but I like the idea of Guardian of Faith from Cleric), Trumpet (Insect Plague), Hammer (Catapult). And then Haste can be used with Quickened Spell to simulate item throw super. Tack on a couple fighter levels perhaps to Action Surge and emulate the 100 tension version + give some oomph to the occasional scalpel normal.

Millia: not base dnd but i think she fits a Blood Hunter (Lycan) pretty well. The flavour of undergoing a dangerous and forbidden procedure for power, the hair transformations... probably uses Rite of the Oracle (psychic) and Blood Curse of Binding (tandem top) to hold enemies in place for devastating up close "mixups" while still remaining highly mobile.

Zato: Fighter (Echo Knight) w a Monk (Long Death) dip (or, potentially, Undead Warlock). Fragile but frequently summonable puppet fighter w a Monk dip for the "unarmoured melee fighter" vibe + undying flavour or Warlock dip for more spell slinging vibe+ access to flight spells.

Ramlethal: taking a bit more from her Xrd incarnation, a mixed Cleric (Twilight) for access to Spiritual Weapon for the "remote/hovering sword" + a hover/fly movement rather than regular walking and a Warlock (Hexblade) with the Eldritch Smite invocation to burn spell slots for chunky damage that knocks enemies flat on their asses (Mortobato).

Leo: Rogue (Swashbuckler ) + Barbarian (Totem). Probably a Tiger/Elk Barb for the movement speed and the animalistic vibe, while the Rogue levels and Swashbuckler features give the idea of a speedy duelist who occasionally snipes out big damage hits from "converting" movement speed based mixups. (also Swashbucklers benefit from Charisma, which leo definitely has since hes led so many soldiers to their deaths 🥰)

Nago: Fighter (Samurai). I think a majority of Nago's features and design are reflected in this subclass- the idea of a fighter who takes a slow and measured approach while occasionally bursting into a flurry of sudden violence. The high level Samurai feature of taking another turn upon getting dropped also kind of feels like Nago blood rage- a last second gambit at the verge of defeat type of deal.

Gio: Monk (Astral Self). Gio's features as an unarmed, unarmoured, mobile fighter w a not-quite animal spirit are perfectly encapsulated in this subclass, down to her appearance transformations at high tension

Anji: Bard (Swords) with Fighter (Battlemaster) dip and the Dual Wielder feat. Swords Bard explains his armoured twirl (Defensive Flourish) and other more magical effects like the butterfly, koi, and his cinematic super. Battlemaster Trip (rekka low), Push (corner carry off fuujin), Sweep (spinny spins), Parry/Riposte (dedicated counters).

I-No: Oddly enough i dont think she's a pure bard. If anything, I think her style seems more offense oriented than support, so she probably has way more Sorcerer (storm) levels for flying and her other magic shit. For her Bard dip, probably a Whispers bard to play into her role as a mysterious and menacing antagonist figure.

Goldlewis: Paladin (Watchers) with a Warlock (GoO) dip. Watchers paladins already deal w abberations and aliens, and his smites could be flavoured as his big behemoth typhoons/down with the system. Warlock spells and blast reflect the gadgets stored by his alien.

Wow! Points for being so thorough! This is cool

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

Impulse is an allay hybrid. He inherited their tendency to sort items and the diet of amethyst crystals.

yes. YES. i love this one. and if allays are related to vex, that would also explain his summonability and love of totems!

-Mod Mleem

[sidedished]

stardew valley mods

hi! 👋🏻 listing down all the mods for my current sdv save, will do my best to update this list as i play!

✧ stardew valley 1.6 (with sve) ✧ mac mini (m1) ✧ updated 04.10.24

always double check the requirements before downloading mods! feel free to ask me questions, i'll do my best to help! 🫶🏻

📝 prerequisites

✧ smapi ✧ content patcher ✧ json assets ✧ spacecore ✧ alternative textures ✧ expanded preconditions utility ✧ farm type manager (for sve) ✧ mail framework mod (for life cycle)

🎮 gameplay

✧ dying grandpa intro retexture ✧ event expansion ✧ life cycle ✧ romantic love letters ✧ stardew valley expanded + grandpa's farm

👩🏻‍🌾 farmer & characters/npc a lot of my JA clothes don't work since the 1.6 update, so i may temporarily move to using FS until i get JA clothing to work in game. keeping these on the list regardless!

✧ alternate dusty portraits ✧ coii's girl sets ✧ cozy scarves (fs) ✧ customizable baby and children ✧ fashion sense ✧ gh's peach body type ✧ rural outfitters (fs) ✧ seasonal improved leo ✧ the coquette collection (fs) ✧ yomi's retro colored dress (fs) ✧ baechu's seasonal outfits + slightly cuter aesthetic seasonal outfits (i'm using a combination of baechu's and poltergeister's portraits and sprites so unfortunately i can't share an accurate link for this) ✧ baechu's seasonal outfits (sve) + slightly cuter aesthetic seasonal outfits for sve (same for this one!) ✧ beom mung's shirts & pants (beom mung has since changed their id, so i can't share an accurate link for this) ✧ delloti's daily pants set ✧ delloti's daily shirt set (ver. 2) ✧ delloti's hats set ✧ delloti's look ✧ the teddy edit

🐥 animals & livestock

✧ elle's cuter dogs ✧ elle's new barn animals ✧ elle's new coop animals ✧ elle's new horses ✧ elle's town animals

🏠 house interior/furniture

✧ aimon's fancy farmhouse ✧ aimon's tidy cozy ginger island farmhouse ✧ cozy farmhouse kitchen ✧ dustbeauty's industrial furniture (at) ✧ elle's kitchen replacement ✧ futan bear (at) ✧ greenhouse set (at) ✧ guxelbit's furniture (at) ✧ mi's and magimatica country furniture ✧ nano's retro style furniture (at) ✧ redesigned shed layout ✧ rustic country walls & floors ✧ seasonal open windows (at) ✧ suitcase record player ✧ tile kitchen & dining set ✧ too many swatches (lite) ✧ warm cozy fireplaces ✧ west elm furniture by atlas (at)

🌱 farming/craftable retextures

✧ chest deco (at) ✧ dshi food retexture ✧ fancy artifacts retexture ✧ fancy artisan goods retexture ✧ fancy crops & foraging retexture ✧ fancy fish & tackles retexture ✧ fancy trash & resources retexture ✧ firefly torch ✧ forest wood craftables (at) ✧ gwen's lamps ✧ nano's garden style craftables (at) ✧ nyangcarecrow ✧ terracotta garden pots ✧ wallet items retexture ✧ warp totems to magic book tomes

🧸 aesthetic/map

✧ daisyniko's earthy recolour ✧ daisyniko's recolor fix for sve ✧ dustbeauty's country town interior ✧ elle's seasonal buildings ✧ elle's town buildings ✧ ellie's seasonal paths & flooring ✧ interiors of pelican town ✧ molamole's seasonal mailbox (at) ✧ more grass ✧ seasonal special order board retexture ✧ simple foliage ✧ wildflower grass field

🎨 ui

✧ cozy accent interface ✧ custom menu background ✧ farmer 2.0 ESWF looks ✧ farmer portraits ✧ generic mod config menu ✧ script font

🌻 quality of life

✧ cjb cheats menu ✧ cjb item spawner ✧ cjb show item sell price ✧ lookup anything ✧ noclip mode ✧ npc map locations ✧ ui info suite

[homestuckreplay]

Turning Lead Into Gold Into A Rocket Pack

(page 615-626)

9/9/2009 Wheel Spin: Character Switch Verdict: John Turns Into Problem Sleuth

9/10/2009 Wheel Spin: Parent Bad :( Verdict: Parent Kidnapped By Imps :( :( :(

There’s a fucking ROCKET PACK in this game. A blasting off, cool flame decals, doing loops around the moon rocket pack. This is an absolute game changer (if Rose and John can get it working) cause it’s kinda hard to be stuck at home when you have one of those bad boys.

But before that, John makes a sweet fort! It’s pretty good structurally, and mirrors Dave making a fort nine pages earlier (less good, but in fairness, he didn’t have sheets or dowels to work with). I remember that characters making forts and disappearing into their imaginations was a recurring feature in Problem Sleuth. It’s sweet that John and Dave are doing this at almost the same moment without consulting each other, both sharing a similar childlike whimsy while so far apart.

Not so for Rose Lalonde, who has abandoned all silliness and fun that allowed her to wear a W as a mustache, who destroys John’s fort and throws his whole dresser into the void. How’s he gonna get clean socks now?? I get that she’s in a scary situation and is trying to take control any way she can, but this disregard for John’s few possessions has gotta stop. I noticed recently that his magic chest is STILL on the roof. And it’s not like his situation is much better than hers – I say that if John wants to take a moment to enjoy a fort break, he’s earned it.

Following the fort interlude, John carves totems from a bunch of cruxite dowels. The different shapes of the totems are really fun to look at, and remind me a lot of vinyl records, with their various bumps and notches etched into the record’s groove that then turn into music when a needle (or in the alchemiter’s case, a laser) moves over it. It’s also notable that the totem that eventually becomes the rocket pack has the most mass removed from it, possibly because it has to code for four items instead of just one.

And with that, we FINALLY get started on punch card alchemy! It’s real, Rose was right when she hypothesized this back on p.157 (!!) and the possibilities are insane. The process functions very similarly to the apple from the pre-punched card – use the card on the totem lathe to carve a cruxite dowel unique to that punch code, then use the alchemiter to ‘read’ the totem with its laser and spend the required grist to create the corresponding item. When the holes are punched into a card containing the corresponding item, this object immediately shows up in the Atheneum (p.189, 620) – which is a benefit of punching the ‘right’ card, as even though you lose the original item, you get the cost information up front. When punching a card with a code for something it doesn’t contain, it’s entered as a question mark, and the grist needs to be expended to see the item.

One difference to the pre-punched card is that these codes/totems only contain the item itself, not its precursor. The apple grew from a tree with us seeing its whole creation, suggesting that the pre-punched card had extra information in its code, for an apple + tree combination. Speaking of which, I wonder if John still has the pre-punched card’s totem. It doesn’t appear in the Atheneum, so I wonder what would happen if he tried to use it again.

Rose creates a bunch of new captchalogue cards, ending the reign of the two-card sylladex (inventory of dumbasses) and pioneering the brand new two hundred card syladex (inventory of a different kind of dumbass if you’re using stack or queue). She makes a hammer and then a bouncing Slimer pogo ride, and as soon as the pogo appears, a couple imps jump up to the platform and one bounces off with it. I love this moment. The imps’ sense of harlequin mischief simply cannot be overcome.

Back to the most important thing here, the ROCKET PACK. It’s sadly inoperable, due to containing a violin (something we’ve seen in Rose’s room), a cinderblock (something that’s all over Dave’s house) and a flowerpot (something that fits pretty neatly with gardenGnostic’s chumhandle). So, a new theory: Sburb has somehow pre-indexed the houses of people who will play the game. Beta testers had to provide an address to send the discs to, so Skaianet knows which houses might play. GG has been signed up as a beta tester without their knowledge, either by a family member, or possibly by Rose.

In Sburb, the base items that can be created via alchemy are limited to 1. all items contained within players’ homes, and 2. Sburb-critical items pre-programmed by the game that will prove necessary for gameplay. These include the pre-punched card and the rocket pack – given John’s precarious location, it makes sense that flying would be a game mechanic. These Sburb-critical items probably have pre-punched cards of their own as unlockable rewards, or their codes can be learned from solving in-game puzzles.

We've only seen a few captchalogue codes so far, but they've all been alphanumeric, allowing both upper and lower case letters. While it's possible that future codes could include special characters or even wild card characters, the total number of 8-digit codes (from a set of 62 characters, order matters, characters can repeat) is over 218 trillion - specifically, 218,340,105,584,896. That's a LOT of possibilities.

From the base items, codes can be mixed in various combinations. This is where the creative aspect comes in. Some of these will be useless – like the rocket pack jammed with unrelated debris – but some will improve on their components and make something really cool. For example, John could combine a hammer with a piano and make a beautiful blunt weapon that plays Showtime whenever it bonks an imp on the head. That’s the dream.

[starlight-archer]

Since AO3 is down, here's my stevetember fic!! (will be up on AO3 too as soon as possible)

The Case of The Not-So-Evil Seagull: Part 1

This was not the first report of 'evil seagulls' in Port Townsend. However, it was the first report of such obvious severity.

It started out simply enough, with a letter from Tragic Mick, who had contacted the Dead Boy Detective Agency in London, via the Ghost Post about the theft of a specific magical item from his shop. An item that could cause quite the calamity in the wrong hands.

“Are we sure we want to go back there after what happened?” Charles asked, full of well-meaning concern.

“It's Mick! We have to go!” Niko protested. “I wouldn't have been able to come back to you guys without the bear totem he gave me.”

“I do believe that Niko is correct in this matter. Mick has asked for our assistance and I think that it is fair to say that we owe him.” Edwin reasoned. “Besides, Esther is gone and therefore cannot hurt any of us anymore.”

“Esther's not who I'm worried about, mate.” Charles pursed his lips in irritation as he remembered that infuriating feline menace. “It's that bloody Cat King.”

“But he helped me and Crystal!” Niko jumped to the cat's defence.

“That's true. He did give us some pretty vital info that helped us figure out how to take Esther down.” Crystal added. “But we don't have to interact with him, especially if he might make you uncomfortable, Edwin.”

“I appreciate that, Crystal, but I assure you there is no need to worry. I parted from the Cat King on good terms. By the end, I believe that we came to understand each other. Besides, I have no reason to think that he would do anything to purposefully hinder us, given that none of us have slighted him as of recent.” Edwin replied, and, as he recalled the way he had kissed the Cat King's cheek, he felt relieved that ghosts lacked in the ability to blush.

“Alright, if you're sure,” Charles reluctantly agreed. “but if he tries any funny business, I won't hesitate to knock his block off.”

“I cannot say I approve of such measures, but I do appreciate the sentiment.” Edwin smiled fondly before turning to Crystal and Niko. “Given our previously successful experimentation with the backpack, I believe it would be more efficient for the two of you to use it so that you might come with Charles and I, via the mirrors.”

Edwin circled the desk and stood, ready, by the mirror.

“Okay, okay, sure, that's great and all, but Niko and I are gonna need to get at least a backpack of clothes together before we go all the way there.” Crystal gestured between the two of them while Niko nodded enthusiastically.

“Fine… just don't take too long.” Edwin sighed.

Having to accommodate the living was still something to get used to after thirty-odd years of just doing everything on a whim. He was getting there. That didn't mean that he wasn't going to complain about it, though.

-----

When they got to Port Townsend, it was sunny and bright, still in the morning hours of the day. It was one of the more convenient things about the eight-hour time difference; it meant that they had the whole day ahead of them to work this case.

As soon as Crystal and Niko had managed to clamber back out of the backpack, they headed over to Mick's.

When they arrived, the shop was strangely quiet. Cautiously, they shared a look between themselves and stepped inside.

Mick was not in his usual seat behind the counter, so they ventured a little further until a loud crash sounded out from around the corner.

Simultaneously, they hurried to the source of the noise, only to find Mick swinging a broom at a frantically flapping seagull. The bird flapped its wings and tried to land, the space between shelves being too small for it to comfortably fly.

The four of them watched on in mild horror as the bird nipped at Mick's trouser leg, only to get whacked in the side with the broom and sent careening towards them with an indignant squawk.

They stepped back, giving the bird and the frustrated ex-walrus as wide of a berth as they could in the confined space between aisles.

“Get it! Get that evil seagull!” Mick turned about and followed through the gap in the shelves.

The seagull cried out and hobbled towards them, one of its wings visibly injured. It jumped twice and scrambled as it was knocked in the tail feathers again with the broom, and tried to hide behind Edwin and Charles' legs.

“What in the blazes is going on here exactly?” Edwin asked, confused and startled.

“That there is one of those evil seagulls that's been terrorising my shop.” Mick pointed at it in accusation with the broom. “Coming in, flapping around, knocking things over. And, trying to eat my lunch.”

They stared for a moment and the seagull let out a rather pathetic squeaking noise.

“While that is certainly very irritating, what is it about this exactly that warrants our intervention, specifically?” Edwin questioned, slowly, still taking in the situation.

“I already told you. It's an evil seagull.” Mick reiterated.

“Right. Well, I'll just take this little guy outside then.” Charles said, turning to try and scoop the bird up into his arms.

The bird screeched out in pain as pressure was put on its injured wing and it snapped, biting at Charles' fingers with its sharp, yellow beak.

“Oi!” he protested. “I'm just trying to help, mate!”

“I think its wing might be broken.” Niko stepped closer, looking sympathetically at the bird.

“Shit, that looks bad.” Crystal agreed, wincing.

“Hang on a tick.” Charles finally managed to scoop up the seagull and noticed something. “This guy's got pink legs. That's a Herring Gull, right, Edwin? Aren't they usually only in the UK?”

The seagull squawked in what sounded like agreement.

“That's right, Charles. They're endangered, actually, if I am recalling correctly.” Edwin turned to examine the gull himself. “What are you doing so far from home?”

The gull tilted its head, curiously.

“What exactly was the magical item that was stolen from you, Mick?” he turned back to their friend.

“The sheet music that summons evil seagulls.”

“Hang on. Is that the same sheet music that we almost tried to use to make that giant fish go back to sleep?” Crystal wondered, aloud.

“A'yup.” Mick confirmed with a solemn nod. “Good job you didn't, too, or this would have been an even bigger problem.”

“I wonder who would want to summon evil seagulls...” Niko reached out to gently touch the seagull's head. It nipped at her fingers, but with no real intent to cause hurt. “This one seems too nice to be evil.”

“Now don't let it fool you. That thing has been coming in and wrecking my shop daily. For a week.” Mick complained, though he did set his broom aside and take up his usual seat at the till.

“Do you have any idea who might want to do this?”Crystal asked, though she was pretty sure that there was no real point in asking it.

“Not a clue. That's why I called on you. You helped out all those ghosts while you were here and you dealt with those other evil seagulls for one of 'em. Surely this is within your area of business.” Mick looked between them expectantly.

“Of course! We can start right away! Right, guys?” Niko agreed, excitedly.

“Thank you! Thank you all. You can choose an item from my shop as payment, just get rid of those seagulls!” Mick seemed to be caught between relief and concern as he leaned back in his chair.

It had looked for a moment, as though Edwin had been about to object to Niko's eager agreement for the lack of negotiation over a method of payment, but he quickly accepted it at the prospect of being able to pick something out from the vast assortment of magical and enchanted items inside the shop.

“Right. Well. Let us get to work, then.”he said, cornering a glance down at the herring gull- which was looking awfully sorry for itself in Charles' arms – before turning briskly towards the exit.

“Right, we'll get this sorted for you, Mick, don't you worry.” Charles smiled cheerily as he pet the seagull's head with his index finger. “This little guy doesn't seem all that dangerous.”

“Just be careful.” Mick cautioned them, and after all the times he had helped them, they were inclined to listen.

“Sure.” Crystal offered a one-shoulder shrug.

“Don't worry, Mick. We'll be careful!” Niko assured before she hurried after Edwin, shortly followed by Crystal, and Charles (who was still focused on petting the gull and looked as though he may be about to start cooing at it).

Once they were all outside, it occurred to them that they didn't really know what to do with an injured bird.

They could not simply take it to a vet, considering that it was allegedly evil and most likely a magical creature of some sort. Being any kind of magical or supernatural tended to mean that normal doctors and vets, and the like were out of the question.

They also, however, could not spend the entire investigation carrying it around like some sort of handbag. Attempting to place it into the backpack could also result in some undesirable issues, not limited to the action potentially exacerbating the bird's injuries.

“So what do we do with it?” Crystal voiced their collective thoughts.

“We have to help it.” Niko said, sympathetically.

“But how? We don't exactly have access to any supernatural veterinarians, do we?” Crystal snarked, without any real bite.

“Well, as much as I'd love to, I can't really keep carrying him around with me, can I?” Charles agreed, though he looked reluctant to part with the seagull.

“Unfortunately not.” Edwin agreed. “Though I am rather uncertain of what alternatives we have at our disposal.”

Niko gasped. “What about the Cat King?”

“What do you mean?” Crystal immediately questioned.

“He's a magical animal too, right? Maybe he can help!” Niko explained her idea, happily.

Charles visibly recoiled at the plan, he felt a bit bad about his obvious distaste, but said distaste was overruling it.

“Oh, do stop pouting, Charles. Niko is right. He may just be the only one capable of helping us with this specific issue.” Edwin chastised.

He worried for a brief moment over the prospect of seeing the Cat King again, after their parting in the alleyway. He fought a blush at the memory of his bold actions, and at the knowledge that he still possessed the white lily that he had been so thoughtfully gifted. He had pressed and dried the flower in order to preserve it, and it was – at that very moment – sitting in a small frame, atop his desk.

The only person that he had confided in about the flower's origin was Niko, and he had a sneaking suspicion that although her intentions were good, she had another distinct purpose for suggesting that they seek the Cat King's assistance.

Nevertheless, he truly was their best option.

-----

The welcome that awaited them at the entrance to the Imperial Pacific Cannery, was… not in the least bit warm.

A clowder of hissing cats eyed the seagull with varying levels of seething, loathing, and hunger. They could not seem to decide on whether they thought of it as a threat or a snack.

“What the fuck are you doing back here again?” it was the same cat that Edwin had leashed on their first visit. He couldn't say that he blamed it for its disdain.

“We are here to seek an audience with the Cat King. Kindly move aside.” Edwin answered coolly.

“Fuck you!” it sneered. “I've got no idea why the Cat King even likes you.” it complained, but moved aside anyway.

“Thank you.”

Edwin walked past and the others trailed in behind him as he stepped inside the cannery.

As he approached the dais where the Cat King sat in his throne, in his cat form, Edwin could practically sense Charles' want to grab his cricket bat for protection. Such measures would be unnecessary, but he could certainly understand why his inability to access it would cause unrest. It was almost like a comfort item; it made him feel safer.

In a flash, the Cat King vanished, and reappeared in his human form in front of Edwin, running a hand over the lapel of his coat, adjusting it, though he was otherwise keeping a bit more of a respectful distance than he usually maintained.

“Edwin~” he purred. “What a pleasure it is to see you again~”

Edwin straightened up and cleared his throat. “Likewise.”

“Likewise?” Charles' spluttered next to him.

Edwin chose to ignore this.

“So, what brings you to my kingdom? Did you miss me?” the Cat King inquired, stepping a little further into Edwin's space at the positive reception.

“We require your assistance with an evil seagull situation, actually.” Edwin said, gesturing to the bird. “Though, that is not to say that I didn't miss you.” he hastened to add, upon noticing the Cat King's falling expression (which quickly brightened again).

“Oh. Well, since you came all the way here, I suppose I can do a favour for my favourite ghost.” the Cat King smiled and eyed Edwin flirtatiously as he spoke.

“So, if you're done with the foreplay, can you just tell us if this is actually an evil seagull?” Crystal reiterated, growing irritated at the time that they were taking.

“Ugh, you're so impatient.” the Cat King backed up, not bothering to hide his annoyance. “Do you want my help or not?”

“Sorry your highness. Please help us out.” Niko apologised on Crystal's behalf.

The Cat King lost a bit of his bluster at that. He had a soft spot for Niko, seeing as she was one of the only members of their little Scooby Gang that actually showed his position any respect.

“Fine, fine.” he pretended to be put out by it as he turned flippantly to the bird. “It's not an evil seagull, at least not by supernatural standards. It is a supernatural seagull though.”

“It's supernatural?” Charles repeated in question.

“I just said that, didn't I? Keep up.” the Cat King responded sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “Why don't you transform yourself, huh? You think they'll be nicer to you if you keep playing up the whole poor defenceless birdie shtick?” he leaned over so that he was eye-level with the seagull.

The gull wailed loudly in protest.

The Cat King hissed in irritation as his cats scattered and puffed up on high alert. “Shut the fuck up, will you? No one cares! Hurry up and transform already.”

All of a sudden, the bird disappeared inside a thick grey swirl of fog and before any of them could fully comprehend what was happening, it had reappeared in Charles' arms. As a young man.

Charles' immediate response is to push him away and scramble backwards away from him. “What the hell?”

“Don't be like that! I thought we were becoming friends!” the seagull- man- thing whined in what was surprisingly, a British accent.

He was tall (maybe a couple of inches taller than Edwin and Charles) and toned with soft features that were undercut by a sharp jawline. His hair was a riot of grey, wavy curls. His skin was smooth and dark, and his eyes were a piercing yellow, giving away his true nature.

“You did just transform while still being held.” Crystal pointed out.

“My arm is broken.” the Seagull protested. “I could hardly fly down with a broken bloody wing, could I?”

“Oh my god there's two of them.” the Cat King looked exasperatedly between the Seagull and Charles.

“Oi, sod off! No there isn't!” Charles snapped back.

“Why are you so offended? I'm perfectly nice, I'll have you know.” the Seagull pouted.

“Why are you British?” Niko broke the tension with her confusion.

Crystal's eyes widened. “Oh my gosh, Niko, you can't just ask people why they're British.”

“Your friend… Charles… guessed right earlier. I'm a Herring Gull.” he replied with a shrug, carefully guessing Charles' name and hoping he was right. “We're native to the UK and Ireland.”

“What on earth are you doing in Port Townsend, Washington?” Edwin inquired. “A little bit out of your usual migration is it not?” It was easier to ask these questions now that the gull had taken on a human form.

“Is that where I am? Thanks for telling me! You're the first one to bother to tell me anything. I did wonder why everyone here sounded like the TV people.” the seagull smiled widely at Edwin (oh good grief he had dimples). “Last thing I remember, I was flying over Hastings beach looking for anyone eating chips out in the open and the next, I was flying straight into a tree in the middle of an unfamiliar place. My nose still kind of hurts.” He moved his good arm animatedly as he explained it and even made a little 'exploding' motion for flying into the tree.

“I have… so many questions...” Crystal shook her head as she stared, mystified.

“That sounds like it hurt!” Niko sympathised.

“It did!” the seagull agreed. “And now I have a bruised nose and a useless broken arm!” he gestured to the offending limb. “That mean walrus man kept chasing me with his broom. I only went in because I could smell battered cod.”

“Of course you did.” the Cat King looked as though he was finding all of this hysterical. “This is too good.”

“Can you not use your magic to heal your arm?” Edwin asked. He had pulled out his notebook and pen from his breast pocket and was poised at the ready to start documenting any and all information that he could gather.

“Well, I think I can only transform. The only other thing I can do for sure is see ultraviolet light, innit? But all herring gulls can do that, so it's not really special.” the gull answered.

“You think? Can you at least tell us what sort of magical being you are if you are not an evil seagull?” Edwin continued, raising a brow at the gull's uncertainty over his own capabilities.

“Not a clue, mate. Definitely not evil though.” he sniffed. “Any of you got any food? I'm a bit peckish.”

“No...” Crystal replied.

The seagull looked a tad downtrodden at that, the most upset he had been thus far, even when he had been talking about his broken arm, which was still hanging limply by his side.

“Hang on a tick. Rewind a bit. You don't know what you are?” Charles was utterly baffled by the prospect.

“I guess I just never really thought about it.” the gull shrugged again.

Everyone in the room just stared at him for a moment, blinking. Every time he spoke he said something that managed to completely threw them for a loop.

“That's sad.” Niko broke the silence.

“I mean, I don't think so. I don't really think I need to know, you know? I don't know why I exist or what I'm supposed to be, but here I am! I actually think it's pretty cool! I get to be whatever I want.” the seagull grinned again. It was almost rudely charismatic.

Niko smiled happily in response, relieved that being in the dark about his own origins wasn't something that made him feel down.

“Jeez. I can't fucking take this anymore.” the Cat King gestured and in a puff of purple flame, the seagull's arm was secured in a cast and sling.

“Holy crap! Thank you!” the seagull cheered and abruptly drew the Cat King into a crushing hug. “My arm is all fixed! You're the best!”

When he let go, the Cat King stood stock still with a startled expression. He was only snapped out of his stupor by Charles and Crystal's snickering at his expense.

“It is absolutely not fixed. It is still very much broken. It is simply in a cast. Please do refrain from excessive movement if you want it to heal correctly.” Edwin chastised.

“Awww, thanks. You really care a lot don't you? You're so nice! Looking out for me an' all.” the seagull was almost painfully sincere.

They might not have known what the true nature of this seagull-man-thing was, but one thing was for certain.

This was definitely not an evil seagull.

[stiffyck]

Stiff, I had a great idea

I was thinking about how much Scar pop totems, is associated with magical creatures or items, even just how often he steals the enchanter in the life series.

Normally, I see Scar interpreted as some magic wielding creature, often a elf or a wizard or something possessing something else.

But what if hes surrounding by magic, not because it comes from him, but because he EATS it. Scar feeds off of magic (kinda like the basilisks from TOH?)

This has given me many thoughts.

1. he pops totems so much cause thats the easiest way to eat them. Like a gusher. The Vex is a stranger situation, but it ends up mostly symbiotic. He feeds the Vex, and they feed him. The magic crystals are like candy rocks to him, he's just willing to share. For the enchanter, it's like if you could get energy from a coffee humidifier.

2. If you want an angst angle, he's scared that if the others know he eats magic, since they are also magical creatures most of the time, they will see him as a monster. maybe his species is known for being evil or careless. Either way, he hides it the best he can and it often bites him back.

3. Jimmy. Jimmy Solidarity. Can you imagine? if he teams with Scar and finally breaks the canary curse? Clearly, it's because Scar slurps up the curse as soon as it rears its head. Every time Jimmy gets a cut or something, Scar demands to patch it up for him, quietly drawing out the curse as he does. it tastes awful, but Jimmy seems happier this season, so it's worth it, right?

Thanks for reading this absolute essay, cause im having brainrot about it.

OHHH MY GODDD THIS IS SO COOL YES YES I LOVE THIS EATING THIS UP OMG

[simplepotatofarmer]

the real pig hunt

another mini fic for my 'hey loyal write this' challenge, this time based on this post by @curosart! an alternate take on 'hog hunt' and the butcher army execution.

“What if it doesn’t, uh, work?” Ranboo swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump in their throat and then swallowed again. “Like, what if it goes wrong or something?”

“It’s going to work, Ranboo,” said Quackity in a tone that made it clear there would be no further debate past this point. “Besides, if it goes wrong, that’s just less work for us, yeah?”

Tubbo nodded.

“Exactly, exactly.”

“But it’s going to work.” Quackity grinned. “And Techno is going to learn a lesson he’ll never forget.”

Techno should have known this would happen. Part of him had been waiting for it, ready, and there was no surprise when he received Phil’s message, just a pit in his stomach that the peace he had wanted to build here was about to be shattered.

And now there was blood on the snow (and he had tried, he had begged, but it was no use) and Quackity had an axe to his horse’s throat.

“Get away from them, Techno, or I’ll kill your horse right now.”

Techno stopped, holding his hands up.

“Quackity, you leave that horse alone…”

“Cooperate or I’ll kill Carl,” said Quackity. “Do you understand? I’ll slay this horse. Now drop everything.”

With a deep sigh, Techno’s shoulders sagged. He knew this would happen, he knew it, and began dropping his items on the ground.

“Okay, okay…”

“Your armor too.”

A moment of doubt made Techno hesitate. If he was going to get out of this, he would need his armor. Sunlight glinted off of Quackity’s axe.

“Do it or I’ll kill the horse right fucking now.”

Techno pulled the netherite gauntlets off and dropped them into the snow. The helmet was next and then the chest plate and he was about to ask what they were planning to do when he heard the unmistakable sound of a potion bottle breaking and the feeling of something wet hitting him.

“What the heck—”

And then the world around him was getting much bigger and Techno hit the ground.

_________________________________________________________

“Is this a fucking joke?” asked Punz.

Dream shrugged helplessly, not knowing how to answer the question. He needed it to be a joke, it had to be a joke, and yet—

“What do we do now? I mean, this really messes with the whole rescue plan, right?”

It did and if it was anyone other than Technoblade, Dream might have cut his losses right then and there. He groaned, rocking back on his heels.

“Okay, new plan.”

A beat.

Punz looked at him.

“Which is…?”

“Well, same plan for you, I guess,” Dream said. “You get up there and distract them. I’ll get Techno out.”

“How are you going to do that?”

“Do you have an extra invis potion?”

Raising an eyebrow, Punz dug through their inventory and pulled out a glass bottle, the liquid inside an almost matte grey in color. They handed it to Dream.

“Good luck, buddy.”

Dream nodded; he was going to need it.

_________________________________________________________

Techno had a brief flash of optimism when they tossed him into the small cage that maybe, just maybe, he could squeeze through the iron bars. That maybe whatever Quackity and his goons had done to him could work in his favor. But the bars were too close for him to fit through and his ear caught on the metal, making him let out a squeal.

This was embarrassing.

He got the point – turn the pigman into an actual pig, haha, very funny – but it was really cramping his style. How was he going to get out of this? How was he going to make sure Phil was alright? Techno could barely turn and he didn’t have hands to hold a weapon or that totem Dream had so kindly pointed him to.

There was a flash of white and then shouting and an explosion. Beneath him, something thumped against the wood plank he was standing on, hard. He didn’t have time to think about that. Tubbo’s voice cut across the commotion.

“Pull the lever, Big Q!”

Bruh, Techno thought, not like this. 

The wooden plank beneath his hooves – all four of them – broke and he fell. He expected to hit the ground and then for the anvil to hit him but someone grabbed him awkwardly, hands almost slipping on his haunches as they yanked him back. The anvil slammed into the ground with a rush of air, barely an inch away from Techno’s snout.

__________________________________________________________

If there wasn’t a saying about how hard it was to catch a pig already, Dream thought there should be.

With one hand still on his axe, he scrambled to grab Techno as he pulled him back and out of the way of the anvil at the same time. It had come too close for comfort and Techno was practically upside down. He adjusted his grip but Techno seemed to be panicking.

“Techno—Techno, stop, it’s me.”  There was an indignant sounding squeal and Dream groaned. He was invisible; even if Techno was in a position to look at him, he would’ve seen nothing but a floating axe. “It’s Dream.”

The squealing turned into a series of oinks that could only be described as laughter.

“Yeah, whatever, laugh all you want,” said Dream.

He tucked Techno under his arm. Above the commotion still raged and it was surprisingly easy for Dream to slip away. That ease made paranoia stick in Dream’s chest and it took all his self-control not to look over his shoulder every few seconds and instead made his way to where Quackity and the others had left Carl.

Grabbing the lead, he pulled the horse towards the tunnel, the sound of shouting and explosions fading into the background.

__________________________________________________________

Techno had thought being turned into an actual pig was about as low as he could get and then he had realized they hadn’t even planned on giving him a clean death. There was no honor in being crushed while trapped in a cage and Techno knew that was the whole point.

And now Dream was manhandling him as if he had never once held an animal before and also was afraid Techno would bite him. Techno had certainly considered it, especially when he had mounted Carl and turned the horse away from his home in the arctic.

He had considered wiggling out of Dream’s grip and taking his chances but he knew Dream wanted him alive, even if he didn’t know why. That was enough for him.

“Whoa.”

Carl took a moment to listen to Dream and Techno snorted in amusement.

The invisibility potion had worn off and Dream tilted his head down slightly to look at him. When he spoke, Techno could hear the frown in his voice.

“Your horse sucks, Techno,” he said as he pulled out his communicator with one hand.

And I’m gonna feed him so many golden carrots, thought Techno, oinking.

“Shut up.”

As Dream typed, resting the communicator on his thigh, Techno tried to peer at the screen, see what it was he was saying, who he was talking to you.

Techno oinked, rising in intonation.

“I’m trying to figure out where’s safe,” said Dream in reply.

Flicking his ear, Techno thought, I take back fifty percent of the times I’ve called you stupid, alright, Dream?

“Damn it.”

That didn’t sound good. Squealing, Techno nudged Dream’s arm, dignity forgotten. Dream tightened his grip on him as Carl side-stepped with a whiny. 

“It’s fine,” he muttered and then cleared his throat. “It’s fine—We just need to find somewhere to lay low for a bit.”

We also need to figure out a way to turn me back into a dang person, thought Techno. If something went south, he’d be useless. A pig couldn’t hold a sword and Dream was good but not that good. He oinked.

“What? I don’t speak pig.”

Techno oinked again.

C’mon, Dream, that’s whole problem, man.

He couldn’t see the expression on Dream’s face but the way he looked down at him and then leaned back slightly spoke of a sudden realization.

“Okay, but I don’t know what to do about that so,” Dream said and then nudged Carl lightly with his heels. “We’ll figure it out.”

We better, thought Techno with a soft huff.

_______________________________________________________

Things had spiraled out of control. It was supposed to be a simple rescue mission, just make sure that Techno got out of there alive with his stupid horse, and now Dream’s mind was racing as he tried to plan where to go, what to do next.

How the fuck was he going to turn Techno back to normal?

“Fuck! Milk!” 

In his lap, Techno squealed and the horse shied and Dream had to work to keep him under control without dropping Techno. He pulled the horse to a stop.

“Can pigs drink milk?” he asked, looking down at Techno.

The noise Techno made was somewhere between an oink and a snort and very clearly held the tone of someone who thought they had just been asked a very stupid question. Dream felt his cheeks go hot and he was glad he was wearing the mask.

“Well—Well, to be fair, I don’t know pig biology or whatever.”

Techno snorted again. Dream rolled his eyes.

“Look, we’ll just—We’ll find a cow and fix this.”

__________________________________________________________

It was a good idea.

Techno was actually a little bit disappointed that he hadn’t thought of it himself but it wasn’t as if he could have told Dream anything. Their means of communication was pretty limited though he had to admit that Dream was quick to figure out what he was trying to say.

So when he felt that odd tingle, starting at the tip of his tail, he had a good idea of what was about to happen. He tried to wriggle out of Dream’s grasp, giving a squeal, but Dream held on.

“Techno! What the hell?”

Oh, this is gonna be awkward, thought Techno.

There was a stretching sensation in all his limbs and then a pop, like a bubble bursting, and he was falling and taking Dream with him. Techno landed on top of him, knocking the wind out of them both. Startled, Carl whinnied and danced away before stopping to munch on some grass just a few feet away.

Techno looked down at Dream.

“Hey, good news, Dream, I don’t think we’re gonna need to find that cow,” he said.

Dream lifted his head and then gave up almost immediately with a deep sigh.

“—we’re never fucking talking about this again.”

With a laugh, Techno got to his feet – the two of them, not four – and reached down to offer Dream a hand. He hesitated for just a moment before taking it and letting Techno pull him up.

“Oh yeah, this is stayin’ between us,” he said and then, “For now, I mean, it is kinda funny…”

“Techno!”