#and his actor did such a GREAT job managing these parts

[paradlselost]

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐄𝐅 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒

Black Noir II x female!reader

⎨ 𝐀𝐍 ⎬ spent way too long on this; but I kept picturing him in the piledriver position and omfgggg. also I drank so sorry if the ending sounds strange, this isn’t beta-read at all lol

⎨ 𝐂𝐖⎬ 2.9k words , second person point of view , noir II , s4 spoilers , smut : fantasies of sex , oral ( m receiving ) , p in v , piledriver position , mentioned size difference , stomach bulge , cream pie , aftercare .

A few heavy breaths came from behind the mask, his lips outlined by the black balaclava he wore. A few punches here, dodging and rolling there; just like a real hero would. Did he mind the sweat that rolled down his top lip? Tasting the salt from his overexertion?

His gloved hands reached out, one grabbing the wrists that fought against him to pin them, the other grabbing at the exposed neck as he pinned the black clad body against the glass jewelry container.

“Get off me-! Motherfucker!”

Kicking and shouting wasn’t the best tactic now was it? Not when you were attempting to rob the jewelry store. It was so cliche, a cat burglar going after overpriced diamonds and gems. You’d think the stars themselves had been crafted into the finest necklaces by the way you had been shoving them into your bag.

How were you to know he was on patrol when you happened into the closed jewelers? Maybe it was fate, past misdeeds finally catching up to you in the form of this armored reaper. It certainly felt like a dance with death, the knowledge of his super strength in the back of your mind as you managed to wiggle out of the hold he had on you.

Slipping down against the cracked glass case and through the room left to crawl out from under his legs in a last ditch effort to escape. You were graceful, smooth like a cat slinking away with the pickings it had gotten from a dead bird. But his hands caught your legs like a mouse in a trap and your heart dropped in your chest.

A gloved hand grabbed at your hair, pulling you up enough to get you on your knees in front of him, craning your neck to look at his soulless mask as a peasant would look at a god; and maybe in a way you were, was this being that could kill you in a second really a man anymore? What power did a worldly being have in snuffing out a life so fast?

So you sat at his mercy, begging for forgiveness and looking like a sinner at an altar. How small you looked below him, what penance did a lowly criminal like you get? So you waited for the hand that would tear your heart out or the sirens that would wail… but nothing. He simply looked blankly down at you.

“Fucking-… Cut!!” The bell sounded somewhere in the studio, sighs falling from the directing team under the knowledge that this was the best shot they were going to get, and the ‘mute supe’ had forgotten his next line. One job, really.

“Damn it, I’m sorry. You did great, though.” His hand his outstretched for you to take, helping you get to your feet. He’s kind, behind the mask he wore, would you ever get to see his face? Probably not, being just an actor; but it was cool being able to work with a Supe, especially one in the seven.

“It’s no problem, honestly. They’ll probably just go from the shot of me on my knees, anyways.” You watched as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, gloved hands creating an odd sound against his balaclava. His job was on the line; Homelander had told him they could always find a replacement for Noir just as they had with him - but he couldn’t help it.

Had his cup always been so strained against? He shifted ever so slightly, trying not to make his discomfort obvious as an assistant stepped over and handed you both a water bottle. Silently, he was happy his face was obscured as his eyes didn’t leave your lips, watching them part to welcome a swig of much needed cold water.

Was it his fault he had stuttered and broken the immersion? In his heart, he knew it was; but how could he not have? He could feel your warmth radiating through his armor and seep into his skin, how those pretty eyes looked back and then up at him, how your lips had parted ever so slightly. He was being an idiot.

This was your job; you’re an actress so why did he think those looks you gave him were exclusive? He was probably an idiot in thinking your on screen chemistry could mingle behind the scenes. He jumped every so slightly when the bell rang out again.

“That’s a wrap for now. We’ll pick up again tomorrow. Noir, make sure you fucking practice.”

A pointed look from the director was quickly overshadowed by your soft touch to one of his shoulder pads as you walked past him. A shiver running down his spine as his eyes followed you, watching you. Your delicate fingers had not done him any favors as his heart pounded in his chest. Secretly, he was glad shooting was done for the day.

The door to his trailer shut quickly, the lock turning as he leaned back against it. The curtains had already been drawn shut from this morning; is it in Noirs character to like his privacy? It certainly isn’t to sprawl out on the couch and fist his cock to thoughts of his co-star. And yet.

His head tilted back against the couch, helmet taken off but the balaclava had stayed on; he enjoyed the way it made everything a little harder to breathe, how he could feel the fabric against his lips. Besides; he wouldn’t take off his mask to fuck you the first couple of times, anyways, that’s a kind of trust that’s earned.

His hand traveled up and down his cock, slow at first as he traced the veins that pump blood to his darkening head; imagining that this is what it would be like with you the first time. Certainly, you’d take your time in getting to know every intimate part of him. His thumb swiped over his tip like your tongue would.

A groan fell from his lips, wetting them after a moment. He could imagine how warm your mouth would be around him, how you would look up at him as he pushed the head of his cock to the back of your mouth, how your hot breath would feel coming out of your nose against his groin.

He felt himself throb against his hand, desperately needing a release when there was a knock on the door, shaking him out of his private moment. How unlucky he was, thinking he had more time than he actually did. Noir grumbled as he fixed his cup back over himself, his dick uncomfortably straining against the cool metal.

He fixed his helmet over himself and stepped over to the door, ready to snap at whoever was interrupting him like a supe should do. He should be allowed to have a power trip every once in a while; should he? A god against a mortal.

“Hey! Sorry I hope I’m not bothering you, I was just wondering if you wanted to practice? I got a bit of free time.” How could he yell at you when you looked so pretty standing on the steps to his trailer? Head tilted to the side, rubbing the back of your neck.

“Oh uh.” Part of him wanted to say no, to shut the door and hide himself away against his silk sheets and pump his hand over his aching cock, but he couldn’t shut you out. Not when you were the object of his fantasies. “Yeah, sure. We don’t need a lot of space, we can practice in here.”

Noir nodded, moving out of the way to allow you to enter his abode, to get a glimpse of what little the man below the mask could add to a trailer belonging to a dead man. Not that you knew, of course; finding it strange that he could talk but not prying further. It wasn’t your place to ask silly questions like that.

Still, you took in what you could. A picture frame with people you couldn’t quite make out from a distance, a few books and magazines he hadn’t bothered to clean up. The kitchen was tidy, though everything had a black color scheme and it felt a little… draining. Was that really all there was to him?

You snapped out of your thoughts at the sound of him moving the table out of the way to allow more space to practice your scenes together. He bunched up the carpet, just kind of tossing it against the couch before he looked over at you. A soulless mask, but the way he tapped his fingers against his armor was endearing.

“So- do you want to go from the fight?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

God against man, a mortal who had incurred the wrath of a far more powerful deity; you find yourself on your knees once again. No cameras stuck close to your face this time, no lights to make you sweat, just you and the being who could crush your windpipe below his gloved fingers.

The fabric against his hands is audible as it squeezes a bit, your own moving up to grasp onto his wrist; silent pleas for your pathetic life falling from your lips. This is where he messed up before, the sight of you below him being too much to handle. His cock throbbed uncomfortably against his cup.

“You have to handcuff me now.” You look up at him, a different kind of gaze from being terrified for your life. You’re a good actor, he’ll give you that, but he prefers this moment - how you look vaguely confused as to how he could mess up a second time. His dick hurts now, he can feel pre-cum leaking against his armor and god does he need a release.

“Can I fuck you?”

“Huh?”

“I’ve been… thinking about you. I like you like this.”

“Oh.”

You’re quiet for a moment and he fears he’s blown his shot with you. His hand still rests against your neck albeit loosely, and your eyes travel from his crotch up to his mask, obscuring any kind of expression you might be able to make out. Is he messing with you? Why would someone as strong as him decide you’re the one he wants?

“Okay, yeah. Yeah I’d like that.”

A nod is just what he needs, his hand leaving your neck and moving to tangle into your hair, firmly placed on the back of your head while the other moves to quickly undo his crotch armor and throw it somewhere on the couch.

He leaks pre-cum from his weeping slit, far too dark of a color to be comfortable for him. The groan that falls from his lips as you move to place yours against his head is almost heavenly. Like you’re a godsend, the only one who can make him feel like this. His gloved fingers tighten in your hair, an encouragement.

Noir is proved right in his theory of you; that your tongue dances over his head and flattens against his slit, your pretty eyes flutter shut and your hand rubbing the base of his cock. You must think he’s a poor baby the way you hum as you squeeze him slightly, hard and dripping against your tastebuds.

He reaches a hand against the back of the couch you two were beside, gripping it till his knuckles ached below his gloves. He’s swift in his movements, calculated and for the first time he feels closer to the old Noir. Would this be how he would act? Grabbing ahold of a woman like this - like you’re something to be manhandled? He’s usually shy, anxious when with women but you don’t seem to mind so he doesn’t lighten his grip.

Pushing you back against the ground, head resting on the discarded carpet like some sort of pillow below you. You’re an actress; doing your own stunts against him so he’s seen the way your body curves and flexes. He knows you can handle him, even if it takes a few tears.

He grabs your hips harder, shimming sweatpants you had changed into earlier, running his fingers over the growing wet spot in your underwear before he too removed them like they were a barrier to something most precious. His lips press against your thighs through his balaclava, breath hot and fast in anticipation for what is to come.

The angle is awkward and strenuous, but he seems to take great joy in seeing you like this. Not quite missionary, your body is arched below him and your silently grateful for the makeshift pillow because you’re sure your neck would be even more sore tomorrow had it not been for the carpet bunched up. Your legs are pushed back as he moves around you, hand gripping his cock to line up.

Noir inches himself in, letting you take deep, shallow breaths in your position as he tries his best to stay patient and not bottom out. The stretch hurts a bit; you can’t remember the last time you’ve been with a supe in such an intimate display and he’s thicker than most you’ve been with.

His breath his hard and hot against his balaclava; hands resting to keep both your legs out as he finally bottoms out inside of you. You can hear the groan that leaves his lips at the feeling of your walls constricting against him - in such a position they pulse and push around his still aching cock. Your warmth is welcome to him, driving him crazy.

His thrusts are as rough as he is with you on the set; barely giving you time to catch your breath between pumps as the air leaving and entering your lungs is sharp and almost painful. Wanton moans fall from your lips, hands reaching to grasp the underside of the couch in order to keep from moving below him.

“Fuck- Noir…”

“Is that good? You’re such a good girl, staying in this position f’me.”

You barely have the strength to respond, neurons firing in your brain in an attempt to string together words but all that comes out is a few unintelligible babbles. He pushes impossibly deep inside of you; he had reached a certain bundle of nerves quite a few thrusts ago, now he was abusing that spot. It seemed he was trying to get these reactions out of you.

Tilting his head back slightly, he groaned as you tightened around him; one hand falling from your legs to press against your stomach. He took pride in feeling himself inside of you - a large ego boost that his cock was thick enough to create a faint outline inside you. He would certainly have to fuck you more after this, see what other angles could excentuate that bulge in your pretty flesh.

“Gonna-“ Your gasp is harsh, though you don’t need to speak; he can feel it. The way your walls spasm around him as he pulls out and pushes back inside of you. He draws it out, slowing down a bit and cocking his head to the side - blacked out mask taunting you in your state.

“What? Are you gonna cum?”

A nod, breathless ‘yes’s falling from your lips as your hand not grasping the couch for dear life reaches up to grab onto his armor. Tears prick at your eyes, proof of how good he was making you feel. Your head lulls back against the carpet; white toying at the corners of your eyes.

Bliss washed over you quite quickly after that, gushing around him. He can’t help but chuckle at the sight, though it’s marred with a soft moan at how you squeeze. His hips continue to move, stuttering and the trailer fills with the unmistakable sound of sex. Wet, sloppy now as he nears his own climax.

Another thrust, then another before he buries himself to the hilt inside of you and spills his seed against your walls. He could die at the feeling of you milking him, drawing spurt after spurt of hot cum from his throbbing cock. He feels lucky, in his euphoria, that he could have this experience. A god with a mortal, how funny it was.

He pants as he withdraws himself, letting your legs lay back down as he colapses beside you. Head spinning, body aching from the position and the ceiling of his trailer suddenly looks as beautiful as the starry night outside. You two share the air, share your breathing and as you lay there for a moment longer; you can feel him get up.

He’s as silent as a ninja, but you know his presence is no longer beside you and honestly? After the position you had just kept? You were far too tired to move to see where he happened to go. Besides, the sound of the faucet running is enough of an indicator that he’s just moved the kitchen.

He returns after a moment, crouching in front of you as you finally move your head to look at him. He hasn’t taken his top helmet off; not allowing you a peek at the face he was hiding behind the balaclava, but the gentle kisses he places to your trembling legs are more than enough to take your mind off whatever he might look like.

“ ‘m surprised you don’t wanna watch your cum drip out of me.” You earn a chuckle from him as he moves the now wet and soapy washcloth he had gotten in the kitchen over your thighs and, gently, over your sensitive core. Cleaning you up as gentlemanly as possible.

“I’d rather see you tangled in my bed sheets, if we're being honest.”

“Sounds nice - even though I should be heading home after this. Guess you’ll have to fuck me again to be able to see that.”

“I was planning on fucking you again regardless.”

[ofstarsandvibranium]

A Day in the Life...

Fandom: Marvel (Actor AU)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x GN!Reader

Summary: You're hired to be famous actor, Bucky Barnes' social media manager. This is probably the best and worst job you've ever gotten because Bucky gives you free reign of his social media but also...you may or may not be crushing on Bucky aka your boss. Based off my imagine here.

A/N: this is 3,180 words because i refused to break it up into parts. anyway, ENJOY!

You press record and begin to narrate, "A Day in the Life of a Social Media Manager for a Super Big and Popular Actor *Working Title*"

You face the camera to you and continue to speak, "Bucky had some morning meetings but I wasn't allowed to film. So now here he is doing his daily workout."

You pan the camera to him and he says, "Hi," with a shy smile.

You snort, stopping the recording, "What?"

"This is..." he gestures to you and your work phone, "awkward."

"Then don't make it awkward! And hey, you said I had free reign! I asked your followers what they'd like to see and they say they want a glimpse of your daily life."

His brows furrow, "Didn't you just say this is a day in the life of a social media manager?"

You shrug, "The poll was tied to seeing your daily life and my daily life working for you. So I just decided to put the two together. Anyway, the title is a work in progress. We'll see how this does and go from there. Anyway, just ignore me. I'm not even here."

Bucky gets back to his work out. He has an outdoor and indoor set up. Because the weather was nice, he decided to do his workout outside...shirtless.

He goes to the lifting station, picking up some weights. You begin to narrate again, but this time in a Steve Irwin impression, "Right. Now watch as the esteemed actor gets ready to work out his arms in preparation for an awesome movie that I'm not allowed to mention."

Bucky lets out a chuckle, dropping the weights and looking back at you, "You filming a nature documentary now?" he rests his hands on his hips and smirks at you in a way that makes you want to melt.

You give a playful yet dramatic sigh, dropping your filming arm down, "Are you this difficult with your directors, Barnes?"

He shakes his head, "Nah. None of my directors have been as dorky as you."

You stick your tongue out at him, "Fine. I'll leave you to your workout."

"No, hey, I was joking! Don't leave me!"

You shake your head, "It's fine, Bucky. I'll leave you to it. I'll chalk up some other videos we could do. Also, the getty images from last night's premiere are up. Did you want to look through them before I post?"

He shakes his head, "I trust your judgement." he turns around, his bare back facing you. You stay and watch as he do a few arm curls and immediately rush back into his home.

"Get it together, Y/N," you mumble to yourself, leaving your boss to his workout.

________________________

During Bucky's fitting for New York's Fashion Week, you were allowed to take some behind the scenes pictures. You have a few candid ones of Bucky standing in front of a mirror, his stylist fixing his collar, and him looking at the different shoe options.

Then you included some goofy ones where he copies a pose of a mannequin, a selfie of you two showing of your shoe choices (his being very fancy and yours being your regular sneakers), and then a selfie of him wearing a pair of sunglasses without a lens.

You posted all of them after fashion week was over and his Instagram followers were LOVING it.

bbarnesfan: STAHP. he's so adorable.

xbucky-muncher: he went from serious to dork. get you a man who can do both.

notyouraveragebuckyfan: ok but him and his social media manager are so cute together???

bbarnesfan replies: they're literally bucky's employee. don't be weird.

notyouraveragebuckyfan replies: i'm just saying! they seem like they have great chemistry! have you seen the tiktoks and reels of them together?

"How come you put the candids and the selfies all in one post?" Bucky asks as he looks through the latest post you made.

You're scrolling through the analytics of the last tiktok you two made, one where he guesses if one of his characters said a specific line or it's made up.

You take note of the demographics, the comments, etc. to be mindful of for the next posts you make.

Without looking up from your laptop, you answer, "It shows people the different sides of you. How you take things seriously but you can also have fun with it."

He hums, "Lots of people think we look cute together." He says this in hopes of getting some sort of reaction from you.

You continue to work, not looking back at them, "Don't pay attention to those comments. The internet will make up all kinds of stuff."

Bucky's shoulders sag a bit as he replies, "Yeah. You're right."

You'd been working for him for almost a year now. He doesn't see you every day like he did when you first were hired on. Now you only come over twice a week to go over analytics with his team and to shoot some content. Most of the time, you work from your place and Bucky's been feeling more lonely ever since.

Your presence brightened his day and you provided a breath of fresh air on his busier days. He genuinely enjoyed your company and liked making content with you. He liked learning more about you, having meals together, and just being with you. He thought that maybe there was something there between you, but then he'd be reminded that you're his employee and he's your boss. It can't work out.

But there were some glimpsed of hope. You'd look at Bucky a certain way or make a comment that seemed a little more flirty. It had to mean something, right? But whenever Bucky tried to push a little more, you'd pull away and he hated it. It was so complicated.

He wanted you as more than an employee but his team clocked him on his feelings and told him not to fuck it up because you've helped Bucky's image immensely.

He can't fuck this up, not matter how much his heart yearns for more.

___________________________

"Hello, hello!" you greet Bucky, handing him his coffee as he lets you into his home. You've been working for him for over a year. It's one out of the two days you come over to do work with him.

His stylist, Michael, was nice enough to bring some clothes over for a TikTok video that you had which was "My Social Media Manager Picks Out My Next Event Outfit".

The next event that Bucky needs to make an appearance in is his friend, Nat's, movie premiere. The dress code is very formal so it's no surprise to see various kinds of formal wear.

What does surprise you is that you see a rack of clothes that you know wouldn't be for Bucky.

"Um...what's this?"

He grins widely at you, "Clothes for you to choose from."

Your brows shoot up in surprise, "Excuse me?"

"You said you've always wanted to go to one right? You're coming with me."

"As your social media manager?"

"You're not working the event. You're going as my plus one."

"Uuuuhhh..."

"You don't have to, but I was hoping to bring you as, ya know, a thank you for all the amazing work you've done for me this past year."

You can't help but snort, "Bucky, c'mon, did all of your usuals reject you or something?"

"You're the only person I've asked right now. Come on, Y/N, please?"

You want to. You really, really want to. But these past few months, you and Bucky have been toeing the line between a work relationship and something more. You're not sure if going as his plus one to the premiere is a good idea, especially since even more people have been commenting on your chemistry.

But Bucky's looking at you with those gorgeous blue eyes and he's pouting and he looks so cute, so how could you say no?

"I'll think about it," you reply and it seems to appease Bucky because he smiles again and says, "Okay. But I really do hope you'll go. It'll be fun, plus you've met Nat. She thinks you're cool."

You scoff, "There's no way Natasha Romanoff, the hottest and most popular actress right now, thinks I'm cool."

He shrugs, "Everyone thinks you're cool. It's hard to not like you, Y/N, trust me," he gives you a wink and it makes your cheeks warm up, "Anyway, so let's see what we got."

You wordlessly nod, going over to set up your work phone to begin filming.

________________________

You think you did really well with picking out Bucky's outfit. It was a royal blue velvet jacket with a black bow tie, and black slacks. Even Michael was impressed with your choice.

Even though you weren't working tonight, you still took some pictures and clips just in case. You took a video of the reveal of your look tonight and can't help but feel bubbly inside when Bucky wouldn't stop looking at you.

To distract yourself, you decided to take candids of Bucky getting his hair done after you were finished getting ready. He kept making funny faces at you, making you laugh.

After you both were ready, you took some mirror selfies, obviously, and sent them to Bucky afterwards.

You're in the car on the way to the premiere when you get a bunch of texts and notifications from people:

Wanda: I KNOW YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO THE PREMIERE BUT YOU DIDN'T SAY AS BUCKY'S DATE!

Pietro: good luck tonight! use protection! ;D

Carol: since when are you dating bucky barnes???

You unlock your phone but see a notification that Bucky tagged you in a post you didn't know he was going to make.

It was the mirror selfies you two took, with the caption: got the most gorgeous date on my arm tonight.

You immediately turn to Bucky, eyes narrowing, "James Buchanan Barnes."

"...I don't like how you just used my government name like that."

"Why would you post those selfies of us?!"

He shrugs, "Because we look great."

"And the caption?"

"It's true. You're gorgeous."

You groan and pinch the bridge of your nose, "Your publicist and manager are gonna kill me."

"No, they won't."

"They hired me to make sure your online presence is good and won't jeopardize your career."

"Nothing's gonna happen, Y/N."

"People already assume we're together because of how well we work together. It was fine to let them speculate because but that post will make things even worse."

"How?"

"People will think I'm a gold digger? That I got this job because we're sleeping together? I don't know! The internet makes up all kinds of fucked up reasons and I won't be able to get work ever again!"

"But is it so bad that people think we're together?"

"For you, it won't be bad. For me, it could be. So, please, Bucky, delete those photos before even more people see it."

Bucky's jaw clenches and mumbles out, "Fine. I'm sorry," he takes out his phone and you watch as he deletes the photos off his instagram. Tonight was supposed to be fun, but you're sure you just ruined it.

____________________

The entire night was awkward. Bucky did his best to still include you in conversations he had with friends and colleagues, but you felt the tension between you two. You did your best to enjoy it as much as you can. You saw Nat for a brief moment where you hugged her and congratulate her. She said she wanted to chat later but you didn't really expect much. This is her premiere and she has other priorities.

She proved you wrong, however, during the after party where she pulled you to an area for more privacy.

"Hey, how are you?"

"Um, good. A little overwhelmed, but, uh, tonight's been...fun."

She tilts her head and narrows her eyes at you, just like her character did in the movie, and you can't help but let the truth spill, "I freaked out on Bucky on the way here. He posted pictures of us that insinuate we're together and I don't want it to result in me getting fired and potentially never getting a job like this ever again."

"Yeah, I saw that before he deleted it. You guys looked cute. Also, are you two not dating?"

"What? No! He's literally my boss!"

She shrugs, "Could've fooled me. Anyway, there's something clearly going on between you two, right?"

"I, uh, I don't know what to say. Do I have feelings for him? Yes. But will I act on them? No. Again, he's my boss, I'm his employee. I really like this job too, so I can't risk anything."

"I feel like there's a 'but' coming."

"...but he's so amazingly funny, smart, hot, understanding, compassionate, and I just love spending time with him. It's so fucked, Nat.

She nods in understanding, "I know, hon. I'm gonna say the most cliche thing ever, but listen to your heart. I'm sure you'll find another job just as fun as this one, but to be with someone you click so well with? That doesn't come often."

"Hey, you okay?" Bucky comes up from behind, placing a hand on your hip and looking at you with concern.

Nat flashes him a smile, "Just wanted to catch up with them, but I've hogged up your date long enough, Barnes." she turns back to you, "Think about what I said, okay? Enjoy the rest of your night and thanks for coming," she hugs you and heads back out to the party.

Bucky nods to her and stands in front of you, "Did you want to stay longer or are you ready to go?"

"I think I'm ready to go for the night."

"Alright." you follow him out to the front where you wait for the driver to pick you guys up. He stands beside you with his hands in his pockets, wearing that gorgeous outfit you chose.

"I'm sorry again about the pictures."

"Thank you, I'm sorry I attacked you like that."

He shakes his head, "Don't be. I get why you did. But, um, we're good?"

You nod, "Yeah, Bucky, we're good."

"Good," he gives you a shy smile and then points at the upcoming car, "Our ride's here." As soon as the SUV pulls up, he opens the door for you and lets you go in first. He follows and the drive home is in silence.

_________________________

You're working in your little alcove at Bucky's when he approaches you, "Hey, I need to talk to you about something."

You turn in your chair and look up at him, "This doesn't sound good."

"It's good and bad."

"Um, okay?" you clasp your hands together in your lap in anxiousness.

"So...I'm hiring a different social media manager."

Your heart drops, "Wh-What? But-But I thought I was doing well. Your team said I was doing a good job. What happened?"

"You are, but lemme also add that there's another job already waiting for you."

"Bucky, I'm so confused right now. Are you firing me? Or contracting me to someone else?"

"I'm firing you because I can't date an employee."

You straighten up at his statement, "Excuse me?"

Bucky steps closer to you, reaching out and grabbing your hand, "It's just...shit, Y/N, you gotta know how I feel about you right?"

You bite your lip in nervousness, "Maybe."

He lets out a long sigh and run a hand through his cropped hair, "Listen, I like you. A lot. That's the real reason I wanted you to come with me to the premiere. I love spending time with you and I've been so much happier since you've started working for me. To be honest, I didn't know how much longer I could keep myself from wanting to be with you. So to still make sure your professionalism was in tact, I reached out to Nat to see if she was in need of an amazing social media manager and, luckily, she was."

"I'm gonna work for Nat? Nat wants me to work for her?"

Bucky nods, "She does. So you'll be working for her which means I'm not longer your boss. Which means...will you go on a date with me?"

Fuck it. Fuck it all. You held in your feelings for Bucky for so long and now you've been given a loophole to be with him.

"I like you too, Bucky. So much, I didn't say anything, obviously, because I wanted to remain professional, but fuck did you make it hard to not fall for you."

Bucky snickers with a smirk, "I can say the same thing about you." His thumb caresses the back of your hand and it feels so right.

"Have you actually hired someone to take over for me?"

"Not officially, but I have some applicants already. Why? Do you know someone?"

You nod, "I do. She just graduated college with a degree in communications with a concentration in social media. I can have her send in an application, but I one hundred percent vouch for her. She's done great work."

"Alright. I trust you, but I don't think I can find anyone who works as well as you do."

"I fucking hope not. Or else you might leave me for them!"

"Never," Bucky replies confidently with a softness in his voice and adoration in his eyes.

"So...about that date..."

_______________________

"Come with me to work for a popular actor!" Kamala narrates her latest TikTok.

"So Bucky is working on a new movie with Natasha Romanoff so for promo we're filming a bunch of different content!" Nat and Bucky wave at the camera.

"After filming all of that, they're off to a photoshoot. Here are some of the potential outfits they can wear." the camera pans to several racks of clothing.

"There's a lunch break and here's my lunch versus Bucky's lunch," Kamala's plate is pasta while Bucky's roast chicken, "The boss needs to bulk up for another role so he needs a lot of protein."

"And that's all that I can show you for today. Until next time, bye!"

You scroll to the comments and they're immediately flooded with"

you're not y/n???

wait, did y/n quit?! did bucky fire them?! no!

what happened to y/n?!

and so on.

You snort and show Bucky, who was cuddling you from behind, "I told you people would notice."

He peers over your shoulder to look at your phone, "Kamala actually had an idea for that."

_________________

"A Day in the Life of an Actor's Social Media Manager. Part...whatever. So we're doing more promo stuff for Bucky and Nat's new movie. But this time I'm also working with Nat's social media manager, Y/N! We're doing a What's in the Box Challenge and here's a clip of Bucky freaking out."

"IT'S MOVING! WHY IS IT MOVING?!"

"Also look at Bucky and Y/N. They're so cute together. And yes, guys, they're totally dating now which is why Y/N no longer works for Bucky. ANYWAY..."

[amuromi]

★ ₊ ⊹ ⋆˙ ┈ 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 X ᶠ!ᴿᴱᴬᴰᴱᴿ

✦ ⋆˙ 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 ┈ 11.0k

✦ ⋆˙ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 ┈ NSFW! actor!au, unprotected sex, pet names (baby), oral (f!receiving), ooc Toji (no, really!!)

✦ ⋆˙ 𝐀!𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ┈ This is very self-indulgent because I was once again infected with brain worms because of this post.

✮ 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 & 𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓!! ✮

Toji is a typecast kind of actor. He started out as just a guy they call in when they need some muscle. He’s got the training for all sorts of things. Martial arts, swordplay. If a background character needs to look believably menacing, he’s the one to get on contract. And over time his bit parts as henchman number three and thug with one line slowly evolved into something more involved, because there is no denying that Toji has a face for film. Eyes that come with a vulpine sharpness, like he knows something you don’t, and a scar at the corner of his mouth that’s as marketable as any beauty mark. Really, he looks mean, but that’s exactly what a villain is supposed to look like. He’s all harsh angles that any photographer would kill to work with. So he slowly builds up a filmography from the most insignificant masked goon to a formidable kingpin, front and center. Goes from an uncredited extra to damn near top billing as a main antagonist and that’s just fine with him when the bigger roles come with a paycheck to match. It’s not anything new for him. Toji spent his whole life fighting and training. How else could he make all those stunts look so easy? It’s only right that he makes a career out of all those grueling days of harsh conditioning. And it sweetens the deal when he finally finds his girl. 

Every villain needs arm candy. It’s a constant revolving door of pretty faces standing next to him whenever the director yells “action!” So many that they begin to blend together in his mind and he spends interviews bullshitting his way through any thoughts regarding his female co-stars. “She was fine, I guess.” And of course, he thinks she did a great job in that movie he’s never seen. Empty platitudes to satisfy the interviewer and keep his manager happy that he’s playing nice about the tedious media circuit. Usually his roles don’t require that much attention to detail. He’s coasted this far on his graveled voice and dour expressions, so he never bothers to pay more than the bare minimum of attention. He learns his line and character names. He knows who the blonde character named Amy is but without the blindingly bright platinum hair he couldn’t pick the actress that played her out of a lineup. So it makes his life a lot easier when they find him a girl that works. 

Something about charisma and chemistry. All the buzzwords he’s fed over conference calls boil down to you being his girl. The perfect match for his onscreen persona. Real pretty with just enough training that you can fill in on most of your own stunts. So it makes sense when the two of you start cropping up as a package deal. If there’s an action movie in need of a big bad, Toji’s name is put forward, and if he needs a girl–and, sometimes, even when he doesn’t–his people are quick to toss your name into the ring. He’s not sure on the details, if your agents have worked out some kind of joint agreement or if it’s just coincidence that all the casting directors settle on you as his opposite but he’s not complaining. 

You’re real easy on the eyes in a way that goes beyond basic celebrity standards. You don’t look standard. The other girls he’s worked with were standardized. All coming in the same kind of package, but with you he can pick out true individual features. He can tell when the makeup artists fuck around with your eyebrows and overdoes your lipstick. Maybe it’s ’cause he’s always looking at you nowadays, but it might also just be how gorgeous you are. Of course he wants to know what such a pretty girl looks like. It’s one of the perks of the profession and Toji is nothing if not selfish about almost everything. He’s not acting for the art, it just gives him the biggest payout at the end of the day. He likes his bank account with a ridiculous amount of zeros and it just so happens that you come along with that. 

He can’t see why his manager is suddenly complaining when your names start getting tossed around in tandem more often than not. Why shouldn’t Toji date you if he wants to? And he wants to. But apparently he’s supposed to maintain a certain aura in the media. Mean and unapproachable. Which he is. There’s plenty of videos of him manhandling the paparazzi to attest to that. But that means he’s gotta be something unobtainable, and making heart eyes–he’s definitely not doing anything like that–at his favorite little co-star is certainly the opposite of unobtainable. 

He tries to be pragmatic about it, saying he’s just keeping in character. Mean to everyone but his girl. But his manager isn’t going for that. Something about your people using him for clout since he’s got a few years of experience on you as the new kid on the block. Still Toji can’t see the problem. This whole damn industry is built on connections and favoritism so why can’t he help you a little if he wants to. The mere mention of his lack of concern has Shiu groaning, the sound chopped up and drawn out by a poor connection. 

“You’re my most difficult client, do you know that?” The man sighs like he’s trying to wrangle a toddler into behaving. 

“I’m your only client.” Toji reminds him, earning a scowl through the laptop screen. 

“And whose fault is that?” Shiu sounds so put out that Toji doesn’t bother entertaining the idea that it’s anything other than his fault. Somehow. Even though it was Shiu that approached him after he spent a couple years as a free agent that productions had to play phone tag with to book. Now he’s at least a little serious about this whole acting thing, but Shiu wasn’t there from the start so he gets what he gets. An insanely marketable asset if the only thing you want to be known for is managing the big, scary guy in every action movie out in the past few years. In pigeonholing himself into what he’s good at, Toji has tied Shiu’s hands but that’s not really his issue. Especially not when he’s pissing him off, telling him to stop talking nice to you. 

“All I’m saying is a little discretion would be highly appreciated.” Toji nods like he’s taking his manager’s words to heart but he knows there’s not much the man can do without shooting himself in the foot by pissing off the only person he’s got on contract. 

The people wanna see the two of you together. Toji wants to see the two of you together. And you’re not putting up a fuss about seeing him on every set you show up to. The only person upset with the arrangement is Shiu, and Toji barely listens to anything the man says in the first place. So when you let slip during a break to reset a scene that you’re going through the audition process for some indie thriller starting up production he’s quick to piece together enough information to get himself in the door of an audition without Shiu knowing. You’re new enough that you’ve never had anyone else as your love interest and something cocky and maybe a tad bit possessive in him wants to keep it that way. He likes how the two of you look together, so why ruin a good thing by letting someone else work with you when you already work so well together? And you just have to look so happy to see him when the final cast is announced. 

Here you come, all smiles and newly dyed hair, asking why he didn’t tell you he was trying for a part, too, and he just shrugs to keep from telling a lie. Because the truth is he wasn’t supposed to be trying for a role but like clockwork a villain was needed and he showed up to fill the spot. And it works out in his favor because he’s not here to play some one note guy with a gun. Instead he’s playing a psychopath or sociopath–he’s still not a hundred percent on the difference but you explained that there definitely is a difference–and it just so happens that his character is obsessed with you. Shiu made a snide comment about “a little on the nose, isn’t it,” when the first script came through but Toji elected to ignore him. It’s not some well-guarded secret that he likes working with you so who cares if it seems a bit much that he’s somehow always one step behind you. 

Apparently, the fans care. They care a lot. He’s still trying to wrap his head around people caring so much about what he’s doing. When Shiu gets to throwing around media jargon he usually tunes him out but he hears enough about it from you that he’s starting to recognize certain terms. Fans, stans–two different things, maybe–fansites, and saesaengs–at least that’s what Shiu calls them, and they’re bad fans. Toji would rather call them what they are, which is crazed stalkers, but in the industry there needs to be a code word for everything. He’s caught you scrolling through your own tags on social media more than once, “just to see what they’re saying,” you insist, and then sulk when Toji takes your phone because you don’t need to have an unfiltered experience about how people view you online. It’s a dangerous place for someone so sensitive. You don’t have the same aloofness that he has to how people perceive him and he doesn’t need you getting your feelings hurt. 

Supposed fans like to pick at every little thing people in the spotlight do. An hour on whatever app you’re scrolling that day would pick you apart like buzzards over roadkill and leave you nursing your hurt feelings for days to come. New insecurities you haven’t even considered having would crop up because one person made a comment on your nose. Never mind the fact that it looks perfect just the way it is. At least to Toji. But you’re always quick to remind him that he has something nice to say no matter how you look, which isn’t wrong but he’s never lied or over embellished his thoughts. You are beautiful. It’s not his fault for pointing out the obvious. And his blatant, albeit silent, admiration works towards your newest project together. He hears the crew whispering between takes about how unnerving he is on camera, and how it doesn’t entirely seem like an act when he’s looking at you. 

It isn’t. Although Toji isn’t quite unhinged enough to stalk you or slaughter anyone that gets too close. He doesn’t need to anyway. You offer yourself up so sweetly like you can’t tell how frustratingly tempting you are. He tries to behave. For your benefit. He doesn’t care about Shiu’s constant reminders for “discretion.” And if your agent has anything to say to you about it, you’ve yet to mention it. And you never turn down his offers to go out after work. 

Someone asks for your autograph when you enter the restaurant together, begging for a picture with the two of you before a starry-eyed hostess ushers you to a private table. That picture will cost him another afternoon of Shiu yapping in his ear about tarnishing his reputation but that’s a problem for later because Toji is still thinking about how you rested your hand on his chest and leaned against his shoulder for the photo. There’s probably nothing to it. Intimacy like that comes like muscle memory after so many photoshoots for movie stills and promotional images. There’s a poster somewhere of the two of you posed in just the same position but that had been directed by a photographer. This you did on your own. Toji tries not to dwell on it as you flip through the menu. He knows from experience that you’ll stare blankly at the words printed on the paper, flipping through each page like you’re reading it, just to look up with that deer in headlights face that you get anytime a waiter asks for your order. You can deal with a swarm of paparazzi with a breezy smile but the moment someone asks you what you want to eat you freeze up. 

“I don’t know what to get,” you hum, still looking over all the options. Toji knows what you want. It’s an Italian restaurant and he knows you like pasta. He picks your order before his own, setting the menu aside to watch you pretend to make a choice. It’s cute, because he knows you’re genuinely trying to pick but without fail you start to blank as soon as the waitress saunters over to the table looking far more primped than the others he’s seen milling around. There’s gloss on her lips and her hair is pulled back so neatly it looks freshly done. It almost looks like she’s just clocked in except her cheeks are flushed bright and there’s a slight tremble to her hands. The hostess must’ve spread the word that celebrities were dining at table 17. She smiles real big, eyes fixed on Toji as you frantically flip through your menu, trying to decide on something. He reaches over to take it from you, giving the overeager waitress both your orders before sending her on her way. 

“Thanks,” you smile. Of course, he wants to say, I got you, baby. Instead he keeps his mouth shut, nodding in acknowledgment as he waits for you to start up a new conversation. You’re on about something to do with production, how you’re still not used to being important enough to have your own assistant on set, when the waitress returns with your drinks. Her hand linger on Toji’s glass, condensation dripping over her fingers as if she’s waiting for him to reach for the cup and brush his fingers over hers. It’s like something straight out of a romance movie and he might’ve found the humor in the attempt if it weren’t so annoying. Instead of reaching for his drink he sits back in his seat, arms crossed over his chest as he glowers at the girl. 

She interrupted your story about you assistant messing up your breakfast order yesterday, but you don’t seem bothered as you stick your straw in your drink, humming happily after the first sip. He ordered you one of those Shirley Temples that you always get, candied cherries floating in the soda and grenadine. After a beat longer of Toji’s unflinching glare, the waitress finally retreats with a quiet chirp about your food being out soon. You thank her and Toji wants to tell you not to waste your breath, but that would probably only confuse you. For as intuitive as you can be, you still haven’t grasped the fact that Toji would kill to be your man. It would almost be endearing how oblivious you are if it wasn’t grating on his last nerve. Here you are thanking a girl for flirting with him like it didn’t take every shred of his patience to not tell her to fuck off and leave him alone. 

“So, anyway,” you continue, twirling the straw wrapper between your fingers, “he’s so used to assisting Kyoko”–some other actress Toji’s heard of in passing–“that he never actually asked for my order and just came back with her usual. Apparently she likes tomatoes in her eggs but I had to pick them out. And my omelet still ended up tasting like tomatoes. It was so bad I couldn’t finish it.” You screw your face up like just recalling the story has brought the taste back to your tongue. Toji already knows about your aversion to tomatoes. He always reminds the wait staff to remove it from your order whenever you’re out together. All it took was one time watching you peel a tomato off your burger for him to commit the little quirk to memory. 

“You should get a new one,” he tells you. He’s had his fair share of assistants but they’re a rotating roster of equally intimidated people flinching every time he calls their name like he’s going to tell them to go play in traffic. Usually he just wants a drink or something from the restaurant up the street but something about Toji is just so suffocating that most assistants barely last through filming. There are very few people that can tolerate his terse personality but he’s glad you’re one of them. So pretty and so sweet like you don’t realize that everyone on the production staff avoids him unless it’s absolutely necessary to speak with him. It’s half reputation and half unmitigated judgment. Toji would like to think he’s not all bad. He can be cordial in a distant way when not provoked but so many people seem to have an expert ability to pluck at his nerves. 

“Nah, it’s fine.” You’re laughing like it isn’t a big deal that you weren’t able to eat because some inattentive staff member didn’t do their job correctly. “I told him what happened and he apologized, even asked if he should go and get me my actual order, but by then it was about time for filming to start.” You wave your hand dismissively. “It wasn’t anything serious.” Except it was because you’d had to go hungry because of someone’s incompetence. There’s a reason Toji is always taking you out. Most actresses have a habit of skimping on meals to look as trim as possible and he’s not about to let you starve because that’s what the media thinks looks best. He likes you just the way you are and, as far as Toji is concerned, his opinion is the only one that should matter. Not even your own as your food arrives and you whine about not being able to finish it all. 

“I’ve seen you eat more than that.” It comes out just a hair too harsh and he can see it settle over you as if he meant it as an insult. “It’s just pasta,” he says before you can get too in your head about it. “It looks like more than it is.” You grumble something under your breath, likely something snarky about how he doesn’t have to worry about portion control because you’re always saying how his stomach is a black hole. His physique is a testament to how far the human body can be pushed thanks to his tumultuous upbringing. A chasm of memories that don’t quite fit together, punched with holes like a moth-eaten shirt. Something about trauma and dissociation Shiu had said after a night of drunken oversharing. 

It sounded like he was reading off the first link he found in the search results while he was looking up why Toji was such an abrasive asshole all the time. Realistically, Toji knows he has things to work on just like he knows he doesn’t care enough to put in the effort. It is what it is and as far as he’s concerned the future is far more interesting than the brick wall his brain has built between the present and the past. The future has you and there’s not much he can think of that’s better than that. Not when you’re sitting across from him yapping about whatever pops into your head and happily eating the food he knew you’d like. 

“I mentioned in an interview once that I really liked this one author, and they’re releasing a new book soon. Apparently they sent me a signed advanced copy! There was a little handwritten note and everything!” It’s cute how you’re famous and still getting excited about another public figure acknowledging your existence. There’s something so genuine and humble in your happiness that seems to be missing from most of the big names he’s worked alongside. Toji isn’t always the easiest to work with considering how short his fuse is but he’s not one to take it out on people. He’s more hard stares and gruff one-liners while he’s seen other actors shout at the staff like they’re children needing to be scolded. So far, the egotistical people he’s worked with have enough sense not to snap at Toji directly. The only person that’s ever mouthed off to him is you, and it’s always within reason. He is a dick sometimes and you’re just so preoccupied with pleasing everyone that you’ll bite at him for being a bit too short with a co-star or snapping at a member of the wardrobe staff for taking too long for his liking. You make everything more pleasant for everyone involved. A little ray of sunshine in Toji’s otherwise dreary life. 

He was right about the food. You finish your pasta and two of your cherry drinks before Toji pays the tab, ignoring the waitress’ number written at the bottom of the receipt. He hardly notices the blue scribbles, but you do. It seems to flip a switch in your brain as you stare at it before Toji crumples it and shoves it into his pocket. You’re quiet as you leave the restaurant, going a few paces before you finally find your voice. 

“Are you gonna call her?” Your tone isn’t as playful as it usually is when you tease him about all the attention he draws. He’s gotten free drinks at bars and comped meals at restaurants because some waitress or bartender thought he was handsome. Toji has grown used to women giggling behind their hands as he passes and men peeking at him from the corner of their eye like he won’t notice. There’s a certain allure to his surliness that no one but you seems to be immune to. You and maybe Shiu. Usually the most you’ll give him is a laugh and a sarcastic quip about how he’s a public liability for all the attention he commands. Usually a joke about him stopping traffic. But you seem a bit more serious today, a bit more bothered than usual. For a second, Toji considers that he might be hearing things where you didn’t mean them. But then he catches the slight pout of your lips tinged red from your drink and he knows something’s up. 

“The waitress,” you say when he takes too long to answer, “she gave you her number, right?” It takes Toji a moment to realize this is the first time anyone has been so forward with their flirtations in front of you. Of course there were always the compliments and thinly veiled innuendos, but it never goes too far considering most people just assume the two of you are together like that. This waitress had taken a chance slipping him her number, but it’s not like Toji wants it. He hands you the rumpled receipt without a second thought. There at the bottom, in that same sparkly blue pen she used to take your order, is her name and number. 

“Kanna.” You say, eyes narrowing as you stare at the digits of her phone number. Toji decides to test the waters because there was certainly a hint of disdain in your voice as you read her name. You mumble something about her handwriting being messy and Toji can’t help but laugh. 

“Jealous, baby?” Sunlight dances over your lashes as your eyes snap to his face. He watches you try to hide your expression, your pout disappearing as you hand him back the receipt. He shoves it back in his pocket without a second glance because he knows you’d say something about littering if he dropped it on the ground just to prove a point.

“No.” You say it too quickly for it to be true. 

“Liar.” Toji laughs because you’re so clearly bothered. Usually someone making a pass at him wouldn’t get you so flustered but there’s something different about you today. You’re more openly affectionate. There’s still those moments of hesitation but you’ve been more free with grabbing his hand as you walk and leaning against him when you’re idle. That girl couldn’t have rattled you. She was hardly anything to look at, less so when Toji is constantly surrounded by a plethora of perfectly curated women that fit rigidly into the popular look of the moment. Trendsetting hairstyles and the latest designer clothes. You’re more subdued, less artificial in your style choices, yet he still finds you leagues more beautiful than anyone he’s ever seen before. Certainly more so than that random waitress and her glitter pen. 

Toji has to hold back a smile as you walk ahead of him. Taking three steps for every one of his and still only managing to stay a half step in front of him. He can tell you’re trying to distance yourself, arms crossed and lips pouted as you rush forward. Toji let’s you. It’s not like you’re far ahead and, lucky for him, you’re headed to the same place. The hotel is a few blocks away and Toji takes the time to enjoy the way the sun moves over your hair, golden light settling like a halo around your head. It’s only when you reach the towering silhouette of the hotel that the sun is eclipse and you go dull. Without the shower of gilded light you look more dejected than annoyed. A kicked puppy rather than an angry dog. You make it as far as the elevator before Toji decides he’s had enough of the running. His grip on your arm is as gentle as he can manage while keeping you from slipping away from him. His free hand finds your hip as the floors rush past. Your shuffling lifts your shirt ever so slightly and Toji finds his thumb brushing over the exposed skin above your waistband before he can contemplate the consequences.

Toji touches you all the time. As his on screen love interest, he’s inclined to be physically affectionate when the cameras are rolling. But even off screen he can’t help the way his true desires bleed into his actions. The media eats it up every time a picture of the two of you surfaces, the rumor mills running overtime to concoct a front page story for one tabloid or another. But that’s always been part of the show. The same way you leaned into him when that fan asked for a picture is the way he holds your waist on the red carpet. This is different. There are no cameras. No one to impress or enthrall. This is simply Toji wanting to touch you, and you letting him. The feeling of his fingers dipping beneath the hem of your shirt have gotten you to go still, leaning back into his chest as he watches your reflection in the polished metal of the elevator doors. 

“Let go.” It’s only the two of you in the elevator and yet your voice is no louder than a whisper. Toji scoffs, hands loosening little by little. 

“You want me to?” 

“No.” Your voice is even smaller than before. The quietest admission like you’re unsure of it yourself. Still, Toji lets go and watches you stumble because you were leaning so heavily against him. 

Immediately he can feel the absence of your warmth against his chest, but he’ll let you come back to him. He’s made his intentions clear. From here, the choice is yours. When the doors ding open, you nearly sprint down the hall and Toji assumes you’ve made your choice. He can live with it. He doesn’t blame you for it. The moments you’ve shared together always felt a bit too good to be true, just as perfect as when the cameras are rolling. But you stop in the middle of the hallway. Your room is further down but you don’t move to go any further, as if something has rooted you to that place. Toji sets a leisurely pace in his approach. 

There’s the expectation that you’ll go running off again the moment he gets too close like a rabbit evading a wolf, but you surprise him with your stillness. Even as he recaptures your waist, hands more purposefully dipping under your shirt as he pulls you into his chest. This isn’t the place for it. A picture like this would be a PR nightmare and he’d never hear the end of it from Shiu. But Toji can’t bring himself to worry about that right now. Instead he asks which room you want to go to. His is closer but he doesn’t doubt you’d be more comfortable in your own. You lead the way, swiping your card to unlock the door before pulling him inside. 

After a month of filming, you’ve turned this temporary situation into your own. It smells like you more than any industrial strength cleaner that the housekeepers use. He recognizes the smell of your shampoo and that scented lotion that you love so much. The bed is freshly made and that damn duck that a fan gifted you months ago is propped up against the pillows next to the remote. A bit of tension leaks from your shoulders as you laugh and explain that the housekeepers have been doing this for weeks, setting a cute little scene for you to return to after they’ve straightened up the room. You set the remote and duck on the nightstand as you sit at the edge of the bed, perched as if you don’t want to crease the freshly steamed linens. You look nervous and it stops Toji from wandering further than the little entryway. He’s flanked by a closet and a mirror just like in his room but he can’t take his eyes off you. Your hands are tucked between your thighs and he tries not to focus on the way you’re shifting and squirming, squeezing your legs together. 

He can almost see the heat flooding through your body and he’s more than capable of flushing it out if you’ll just ask him to. He feels like a leashed dog waiting for the command to pounce. He reaches up to brace his arms against the dropped ceiling annexing the entryway from the rest of the room. For all your silence, your body is speaking for itself. Toji’s eyes don’t miss the way your throat bobs as you swallow, eyes focused on the way his arms flex above his head. 

“I can’t tell you what to do,” Toji says even though he really wants to. He knows you’d listen, too. But this isn’t something he can script and direct. You have to decide for yourself, give him the words he’s looking to hear. “You gotta tell me what you want, baby.” He sees the little pet name land, watches how you dip your chin and look up at him through your lashes. Embarrassed and he hasn’t even done anything yet. 

“Don’t make me,” you mumble. It’s so starkly different from the sultry confidence he sees on set, a true testament to your skills as you struggle to find the words to say you want him. Because he knows you do. It’s clear in the way you keep stealing glances at him even as you point your face away, hiding like he can’t see the way your teeth nip nervously at your lip. 

“I won’t.” He agrees. “Won’t make you do anything you don’t want to, so you gotta tell me. What do you want, baby?” 

Toji wants to think he’d be able to turn tail and head back to his own room if you denied him, take a cold shower and forget this ever happened, but he knows it’s a lie. He’s already so swept up in your orbit that denial would feel like a punch to the gut. He’s taken worse, but not from you. It would be like sucking the air from his lungs. It’s gotten so bad that he can’t imagine a day without you. Work was only a pretense. He got to see you everyday because you were contractually obligated. Now you’re far past coworkers hanging around each other because it’s what the job demands. He likes to think you see him as a friend, maybe something more. He could live with just being a friend as long as it means he gets to spend time in your bed. He’s got so few people that he talks to on a day to day basis that Toji imagines it wouldn’t really make a difference what you called him as long as you do call him. 

Finally, you don’t say his name, or anything really, but you extend a hand towards him and he rushes forward like a tsunami swallowing the shoreline. He kneels and tries not to think of how stupid he must look prostrating himself at your feet. You don’t seem to think any less of him for his poorly concealed eagerness. It's a desire grown over years of working alongside you. A sort of desperation that will knock the breath out of your lungs as soon as you give him the go ahead. Because Toji has had women. Countless, faceless. He’s slept with enough people to know this feels different. He wonders if this is what it's like for desire to feel real. Because why else would he be so hung up on you after so long. He’s not a man after a chase. He won’t run after anyone. Unless it’s you. He’s been running so fucking hard that he’s nearly out of breath and here he is so close to the finish line in a marathon he hadn’t realized he was running. And you’re the prize brushing his hair back and touching the scar at the corner of his mouth like he’s something to be gentle with. 

“You scare me.” He hears you say it through waves of blood rushing in his ears. He’s familiar with fear but never from you. From day one you’d been strangely calm around him. Like a deer sitting beside a mountain lion without a care in the world. Toji knows he’s something to be afraid of. He’s lived his life. He knows exactly how dangerous he is, how terrifying he must seem. It was stupid to think you were above that fear just because you smiled at him. 

“I’m scared you’re gonna hurt me.” You say softly. But you’re still touching him. Humans tame predators, he reminds himself. A wolf can be turned into a dog with the proper treatment. He thinks again of how he’s kneeling at your feet. He’s been tamed–whipped as Shiu called it–by you. 

“M’not gonna hurt you.” He tries to work the gravel from his voice, to sound less brooding as he reassures you. It doesn’t work. He’s set in stone. Too old to learn a new trick. If you’ll have him, Toji will be whatever you need, but you gotta take him as he is. Because it’s all he has to give. 

“Promise?” Your tone is so soft he half expects you to stick out your pinky or make him cross his heart. 

“I promise.”

“I’m serious, Toji. I don’t want to be just another girl to you. If we do this, we’re doing this. You can’t use me and leave me. I won’t let you.” He hears the unspoken words. I won’t let you hurt me. So that’s what you meant. Of course you aren’t afraid of him. You’re scared in the way everyone seemed to be of each other. Scared to commit, scared to be vulnerable. Toji loathes to think he feels the same. Rejection would hurt if it came from you. But it hasn’t. You’re still playing with his hair and Toji hears a damning thought surface in his head; I could marry this girl. He shoves it down before it can fully form. It’s too soon, too optimistic. He knows who he is as much as he tries to be better when he’s with you. Toji could hurt you. Get scared and break your heart. He knows if he did he’d never see you again. 

No more stupid videos getting sent to him at 5AM because you’re in the makeup chair at the crack of dawn. No more ordering your food because you can’t ever get the words out yourself. No more shoving you to the inside of the sidewalk because you like balancing along the curb as you walk. He could live without seeing you on set ever again. That had only been a symptom. The root of it was simply you. In any way he could have you. 

It’s pathetic but he’s addicted in a way he never thought possible. Never let himself think it was possible. Not for a guy like him. Movies gave him an outlet for his more violent tendencies. He would’ve done just as well as a boxer or something else where he could get paid to rough people up in a way that was above board. He’d done it the illegal way for years. Got away with it too. You have every right to be scared of him. Every right to leave him. But in this moment you’re here and he’s selfish. He leans up to kiss you. 

It doesn’t feel new. There’s no picturesque fireworks clouding his head. It isn’t new. He’s kissed you a hundred times over by now. It doesn’t feel new, but it feels right. Especially without the motivation of a camera. He isn’t kissing a character, he’s kissing you. And you’re kissing him. 

“Stop thinking so hard.” Because Toji can tell by the way your hands flutter over his shoulders with nervous uncertainty that you’re not all here. You’re thinking about this like someone is going to snap at you for messing up an angle or pressing too close and smearing your makeup. He hears you mumble a feeble apology. 

“None of that. We’re doing this, baby. You and me. Don’t think about anything else.” That gets you to loosen up enough for Toji to work you out of your clothes. He’s never had the pleasure. There’s never been a reason for his hands to be pressing underneath your shirt and it feels like his hands are melting into your skin as they push towards your chest, taking your shirt with them. You’re warm and pliant, softening like butter under his touch. Toji gets you out of your shirt with a bit too much eagerness, ruffling your hair as you squeak at his desperation. He can’t even find it in him to care if he looks overeager now because he is. 

He’s been after you for years and he’s not about to let this opportunity slip through his fingers. Beneath your clothes is an endless expanse of skin hidden only by the covering of your underwear. Plain cotton, nothing special, but it has him throbbing in his pants because it’s you. And you have the audacity to mumble about “didn’t know we were doing this, would’ve worn something nicer,” like Toji isn’t practically drooling at the way your pretty blue panties sit on your hips. He thumbs at the elastic, pulling it back just to hear it snap against your skin. It’s like unwrapping a gift and he’s looking to savor it. 

“They’re gonna know,” he says as he kisses along the shape of your breasts peeking out the top of your bra. He could put a mark there. Bite down on the soft skin and leave a print of his teeth in your skin, put a bruise there with his greedy mouth as he licks at the line where skin meets fabric, hiding the rest of you away in the cups of your bra. He could mark you up and they’d know. Everyone would know exactly who did it because Toji isn’t ashamed to admit he’s been after you like a dog, barking at anyone that got even remotely too close for comfort. A co-star could simply be complimenting the outfit wardrobe had chosen for a particular scene and he’d be looming behind them with murder in his eyes. Of course you look gorgeous but only he should get to look that hard at you. 

“Don’t!” You squeak when he noses over your skin, looking for a place to sink his teeth. “Don’t leave any marks!” He almost wants to ignore you and latch his mouth on to you anyway, but Toji resists the urge. You’ve asked him to behave and he wants to be a gentleman for you. Or, at least, the closest a man like him can get to it. He can still tease you about it, though. 

“No?” He mocks you. “You don’t want me to leave any marks? What, you got someone else that gets to see you like this, baby?” You squirm at his patronizing tone, a pout working its way onto your lips. He nips at your bottom lip before smoothing the expression with a kiss. 

“You know that’s not what I meant,” you whine. “Makeup and–” He kisses you again, slipping his tongue between your parted lips, because of course he knows. Makeup would make a fuss if he left marks on your neck, wardrobe would pitch a fit if they found hickeys in a place their designated outfits couldn’t cover. You’d be in the makeup chair even longer as they painted over all the places he’d marked you up. 

“You taste like cherries.” He mumbles against your mouth. The taste has him fumbling for his pants like a fucking virgin because it’s so innate to you. Those little fruity drinks you love so much have him pressing painfully against his zipper. Toji has you leaned up against the pillows as he sits back on his knees to pull his shirt off. He doesn’t miss the way your thighs twitch, pressing tighter together at the sight of him looming over you bare-chested. He doesn’t toss his shirt far because he wants to see you wearing it later. Right now you smell like you. Your lotion, your shampoo. He can’t wait to tired you out and wrap you up in his clothes until you smell like him. 

He wants to mark you up in other ways if he can’t do it with his lips. So everyone knows exactly who you belong to. The idea that you had to make him swear to not let this be a one off kind of thing is utterly laughable when Toji hasn’t wanted to stray away from you since nearly the first time you met. Nothing anyone else has to offer could be better than what you can give him. Although he’s happy that the little waitress tried. You wouldn’t have been so worked up if she hadn’t. He’s been teetering on the edge of insanity being so close to you everyday and it’s nice that he’s finally caught a glimpse of what you’re like when you get so wrapped up in your mind that you start acting out of character. Because Toji hasn’t felt this crazy over anyone and he’s glad he’s not suffering this lovestruck psychosis alone. It’s dumb and childish but he’s got so little in his life that’s sweet and pure that he isn’t about to poison this with toxic hang ups about maintaining his persona.

“Did it make you mad, baby?” He asks as he bullies his way between your legs. You move with him, thighs parting to give him space even as you shrink back into the pillows, brows pinched as you watch him settle his cheek against your thigh. “Did that girl at the restaurant upset you?” He wants to hear you admit it. He smirks at the way you screw up your face, nose scrunching in distaste at the mention of another woman. 

“Don’t say things like that when we’re like this,” you grumble, jerking the leg he’s resting on. He bites at you in retaliation and because he wants to hear you squeak about leaving marks again. 

“You are mad.” He smirks and watches the way your cheeks puff indignantly as you pout at him. He wants to kiss that petulant little expression off your face but Toji can’t bring himself to move even an inch away from where he’s resting. With his face cushioned by the pillowy warmth of your thighs he can see the mess spreading between your legs. A dark spot is forming in your panties, getting bigger with every shift of your hips. Toji slips a finger under the elastic and can practically hear the sound of the fabric sticking to your skin. It makes his mind go blank and all he can think about is getting closer. He blinks and suddenly his face is buried at the apex of your thighs, panting like a dog as he noses against the soiled fabric, tongue chasing the taste of you seeping through the cotton. 

“Wait!” You squeak, and he tries to. He pulls back but only far enough to look up at you. His nose stays nuzzled against the seam of your cunt, brushing against where your clit is throbbing through the fabric. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks even though he can think of a few things as his finger drags through the space between your panties and pussy, making a slick noise that has him grinding against the mattress. So fucking wet. 

“Nothing…” Toji recognizes the face you make in an instant. He’s seen it a hundred times over by now. It always reminds him of a puzzle the way you fix your expression whenever a camera is rolling. It’s always your mouth first. Smile dropped, pout gone, lips pressed into a neutral line. He sees every piece of your face fall into place until it’s perfectly blank. He watches you awhile longer until your composure breaks again and your brows dip into something resembling anxiety. 

“Nervous, baby?” He doesn’t need you to answer but you do anyway, nodding slowly. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. Just lemme take care of you, okay?” You nod again and Toji rewards the loosening of your muscles with a gentle kiss to your stomach. “Behave.” He says and watches the way you tense up again. It’s less nerves, more anticipation as you watch him slink back between your legs. He decides to spare your underwear, pulling them down nice and proper instead of tearing them off of you like he’s so desperate to do. It takes a few seconds longer and gives you a chance to knock your knees together as he sits up to pull the bundle of fabric off your ankles. 

“What did I say?” He asks, loving the way the timbre of his voice seems to send a shiver through your prone body. “Behave.” You don’t resist as he spreads your legs again but you start to squirm the longer he stares. Toji has spent many a night in the privacy of his hotel room fisting his dick to whatever image of you his mind could conjure but nothing could come close to the real thing. 

“S’pretty, baby.” He mumbles, tongue tripping over the words. He’s just lost any semblance of cognitive function. All he can see is you, spread out and dripping on the sheets, and he can’t wait another second to get his mouth on you. 

I’m gonna marry this girl, he can’t help the thought as your lashes flutter and lips part the moment he gets his mouth on your pussy. You’re still nervous, twitching and squirming like you aren’t sure what to do with yourself. Toji decides for you, arms hooking under your legs to hold you still. That still leaves your hands to flutter anxiously, skating over where his fingers dig into the meat of your thighs and brushing across his hair like you’re afraid to touch him. It makes him groan in annoyance, the sound humming against your clit. It makes you go limp, hands falling still. One rests against his head and the other over his hand. Toji loosens his grip on your leg just enough to thread his fingers through yours, pointedly ignoring how intimate the small touch feels even though he has his tongue buried in your pussy. He’s being greedy, tonguing at your hole and nosing against your clit as your cunt makes a mess of his face, but the moment is softened by the way your fingers squeeze around his. 

He feels your nails against his scalp. Not quite gripping, more so petting and it feels like something akin to a reward as he makes a mess between your legs. You don’t tense up again and Toji realizes the idle movement of your hands is grounding you even as your thighs shake around his head. He can barely breathe but he can’t even fathom pulling away when you’re making such pretty noises and trying to grind your hips against his face. You’re slurring something between those soft sighs that sounds an awful lot like “thank you,” and Toji wrenches his mouth away from you because he’s one more head scratch away from cumming in his pants like some virgin. He doesn’t even bother to get his underwear down all the way. He just shoves the waistband low enough to get his dick out and nearly collapses on top of you the second he feels your cunt against his skin. 

Toji braces an arm beside your head, leaning close enough to feel your breath ghosting across his skin. He kisses you to get you to close your eyes, but he keeps his half lidded as he watches you squirm as you taste yourself on his tongue. The mess you’ve left on his face transfers to yours as he rubs his face against your cheek like a needy puppy. It would be more embarrassing if you weren’t acting just as clinging. He can feel the needling sensation of your nails digging into his shoulder. It sends shivers down his spine, lingering just right on the cusp of pain and pleasure. Toji tries to kiss you again but it ends up being more of a heady clashing of teeth and tongue as he presses his parted lips against yours. Still tastes like cherries, he thinks, enjoying the mix between sweet and savory as the taste of your arousal still sticks to his tongue. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” he groans as you press a wet kiss to the corner of his mouth, right where his scar is. And because you’re so frustratingly sweet you blink up at him, slow and wide like the little doe eyed beauty that you are, and ask, “Like what?”

“Like that,” Toji groans as you raise your brows and tilt your head, lips pulling into another one of your signature pouts. “Fuck, turn over.” He hooks an arm under your back and flips you fast enough to leave you gasping. Your hand flutters to find him again where it’s settled against your heaving stomach. He can feel your pulse flutter as you catch your breath, body shivering with something softer than anxiety. Anticipation weaves its way through your body. Toji can tell in the way you tense and relax at each minute movement he makes. He decides to tease you as he fists the base of his cock, squeezing hard to keep from cumming on the smooth expanse of your back. His hand moves from your stomach to leave you teetering on quivering arms as he trails his finger up your spine. You bend to match his touch, arching as his fingertip traces over the contours of your back. Goosebumps raises where he touches and you shiver, head falling between your shoulders. 

Toji takes advantage of the vulnerable position. Your hair is usually down during filming and there’s little reason for that to change in the coming days so he feels little guilt about the way his teeth scrape against the nape of your neck. It makes your arms give out and Toji’s teeth tighten on the soft skin as your new position presses you back against his hips. He hadn’t meant to leave a mark but there’s likely to be one now. He pulls away, lapping apologetically at the faint indent of his teeth before grabbing your hips to keep you flush against him. If you move again he’s going to ruin the sheets instead of you, but you’re still squirming like you want him to embarrass himself by coming too soon. It becomes plainly clear that your intention is to kill him as you toss your hair over your shoulder and look up at him through your lashes, mumbling a soft “are you gonna fuck me now?” 

The answer is a resounding yes and Toji can’t bring himself to think of anything else as he guides his dick inside you. This time he does collapse, falling forward before he can catch himself. It pushes him inside in one go and you let out a long whine, grinding against him as Toji rests his forehead against the back of your neck. You’re starting to sweat now with all that wiggling you’ve been doing and he licks along the column of your neck to distract from the way your pussy is choking his dick. He can hear you whining, feel it too with the way his chest is flush against your back. A soft litany of “please,” and “move,” with his name punctuating each little gasp. He can feel you trying to grind against him, held still partially by the weight of his body. He’s got you almost completely pinned and decided to finish the job. You squeak as he presses his knee against yours, spreading your legs until you collapse onto your stomach. 

“Stay there,” he says like you have any hope of moving without him peeling his heavy body off of you. He has no intentions of doing anything remotely close to that as he shoves a pillow under your hips and his arm under your jaw. 

“Comfy?” He asks. He can feel the way your cheeks are squished in the crook of his arm as you try to nod and go back to begging. He nips at the shell of your ear, soothing the sting with his tongue, as he pulls his hips back. You’re close. He can feel it in the way your pussy is desperate to keep him inside, squeezing tight every time he pulls away. It’s got him on the edge, filling the hotel room with the heavy sound of skin against skin. He’s glad the bed is so sturdy. 

There’s no squeaking or knocking headboard as he drives you up the mattress with his desperate rutting. He gets a hand between you and the sheets to pinch at your nipples, rolling the sensitive buds between his fingers. It makes you keen and that’s the only thing Toji can’t be bothered to keep quiet. He wants to hear every little sound you make after giving him so much lip about the waitress. You had so much to say earlier and he’s only too happy to hear you out. Neighbors be damned. It’s likely the floor is mostly if not completely vacant given that two celebrities are boarding here but Toji can’t help but want you to be loud in case there’s anyone to hear. This all feels a bit too much like a dream and he’d relish a noise complaint just to make it all seem real. 

“You feel so good, baby.” Toji grunts in your ear. “So good for me.” Something like a giggle works its way out of your mouth and Toji almost tells you to shut up because the sound goes straight to his dick. His hand leaves your breasts to find that spot between your legs. Your breathing stutters as his calloused fingers find your clit. It’s like lighting a fuse. You start up your squirming again, nails scratching at his arm tucked under your chin like you’re trying to get away. It takes Toji a second to realize that you are. Curling up on yourself, trying to run from the feeling of his body on yours. You’re not saying anything, but you are drooling. He can feel it slicking down his forearm as he loosens his hold just enough to make sure you’re not suffocating under his strength. He can hear those stuttering little breaths and soft mewls that are soon accompanied by a hand pushing blindy at his wrist. 

“Fuck no,” Toji grumbles. His hand leaves your clit just long enough to roll you onto your back. He hears a little sigh of relief as you relax into the sheets for a moment. There are tears sparkling in your eyes and wetting your lashes. Your whole face is shining with sweat and spit and it makes Toji a little prideful to see you so thoroughly ruined because of him. 

“You gonna be good for me, baby? Gonna behave?” He asks once you catch your breath. Before you can answer he’s already gathering your wrists in one hand to press them into the pillows above your head while his other hand slaps his dick against your messy cunt. He grinds the head of his cock against your clit, precum staining your skin as he teases you, asking if it feels good. He huffs out a laugh when you nod. It’s so earnest, so desperate. 

“Yeah it does. You don’t have to run from it, baby. Lemme make you feel good. Want you to feel good for me.” He pants, leaning down until you’re nose to nose as he presses back inside you. The sound you make is lost in the press of your lips as Toji lavishes you with more sloppy kisses. He can feel himself teetering on the edge, balls tightening with each little whine that leaves your lips. His hand finds its way back between your legs and he has your back arching within seconds. He can feel you trying to pull away again, arms tugging at where he has you pinned even as your greedy legs lock around his waist. He can feel your muscles trembling as he draws tight circles on your clit, whole body pulling taut as you get closer to the edge. 

The only words leaving your mouth are his name and soft gasps of “please, please, please,” like Toji is in any position to deny you what you want. He lets go of your wrists if only because he knows you won’t try to run from him now. Instead your arms wrap around him, pulling with enough strength to catch him off guard. Toji nearly collapses on top of you as you pull him into a surprisingly chaste kiss. A shudder runs down his back as your nails drag against his scalp and it’s all just a bit too much. Your pussy milking him like you’re trying to get pregnant–belatedly, he realizes he should’ve worn a condom–and your lips in his ear telling him to let go.

“Wanna feel it. Want it inside,” you whine. It’s so damningly sweet that Toji can’t find it in himself to even attempt to deny you. The thought of pulling out had briefly crossed his mind but your thighs are still locked around his waist and he isn’t above doing something stupid to satisfy himself. The consequences can be dealt with later. He lasted longer than he expected but there’s no mistaking how pent up Toji has been as he cums inside you. He fills you up and then some, feeling it leaking out. The tension bleeds from his body as he curls over you, grip loosening on your wrists enough that you wriggling free to wrap your arms around his shoulders. There’s the prickling heat of your nails scratching at him as you wrap yourself tight around him like you never want him to leave. Toji returns the favor. You shiver, a happy little sigh leaving your lips as he wraps his arms around you. 

“Clingy,” he says quietly, still loud enough for you to hear and he feels the way your arms tense then loosen, trying to pull away like you missed the humor in his voice. “Stop it.” He mutters, sitting back up to pull you into his lap. 

Usually Toji isn’t one to stick around after he’s gotten what he wants out of an encounter but the usual instinct to peel his partner off of him as soon as possible is absent with you. He revels in the way your head rests against his chest, soft breathes ghosting across his skin. Toji’s hands find your waist, fingers sinking into the softness of your skin as he lifts you just enough to pull out. There’s a puddle forming on the sheets from the way he’s leaking out of you and he entertains the thought of plugging his fingers inside you for half a second before remembering how stupid that would be after he already came inside you with no protection. You don’t seem too worried about it and Toji supposes that’s all that matters. He watches the way the mood settles into something less frenzied, more coherent, but the anger never comes. He’s expecting you to snap at him for being so careless but all he gets is a soft smile and even softer kisses. The taste of cherries still lingers. 

“We should do something about that,” he says, eyes still trained on the space between your bodies. Stained white and sticky from how hard he was fucking you. It streaks up your thighs and shines bright on his pelvis, staining the freshly changed sheets. You blink slow, like a kitten, before finally acknowledging the mess between your legs. 

“Should be fine, I’m on the pill. I’ll stop by the store later if you’re worried.” He’s not. Part of him wishes you hadn’t mentioned birth control. He’s selfish when it comes to you and even though it would be the worst outcome, Toji finds himself wondering what it would’ve been like if he did get you pregnant. Then he remembers your careers and lets the thought slip away into the recesses of his mind. It’s a desire for a later date because you’ve already said this isn’t gonna be a one and done kind of thing. There’s time for things to get more serious, to have a proper discussion instead of letting it happen on a whim. He clings to the idea of a future with you because that’s really all he has. As soon as he set eyes on you, you began to infiltrate his every thought like a weed invading his mind. But you’re not a weed, far too pretty for that. And even if you were, he likes the way you cloud his mind. Gives him something sweet to think about when there’s always been such a lack of nice things in his life. He kisses your neck, tasting sweat and perfume. After a while he gathers you up and makes you decent enough to make the trip to his room. 

“I owe Shiu money.” He groans halfway through his shower. You’re sitting just outside the tiny cubicle, perched on the toilet. Freshly washed and wearing his shirt just like he wanted. 

“You made a bet about me with your manager?” He hears the uncertainty in your voice even over the spray of water and realizes how the admission must sound. He shuts off the water and steps out into a cloud of steam to see you looking crestfallen. There’s a hesitance on your face that makes his stomach churn. Anxiety isn’t something Toji is entirely familiar with and he finds that he hates the way the acidic feeling settles in his chest. 

“Not like that, baby. He just knows how much I’ve been wanting you. He called me on my bullshit years ago.” It would be embarrassing admitting that he’s been pining after you for so long if you didn’t smile and try to hide your face. He hears you mumble, “Thought it was just me,” as you tuck your face into the collar of his shirt to cover your smile. There’s a tremble or hesitance in your voice like you can’t believe Toji would pay you the time of day, like he wasn’t just chomping at the bit to get you in bed. It’s a fair assumption given his usually detached disposition that so few people take the time to see past. You’re one of them but he can appreciate the air of unknowns that lingers around him. Toji is just like he seems on camera. 

Rude, abrasive, volatile when provoked. He acts something like a grizzled guard dog but even they have people they’re gentle for. It’s almost sickening how easily he can see himself with you. Made worse by how easily you accept him. You’re giving him that look again, like he’s your favorite person in the world. 

“What’s that look?” He asks as you watch him get dressed. He brought you to his room so you can nap on an unsoiled bed. He wonders if the housekeepers will tuck your duck in again after washing his cum out of your sheets. 

“What look?” You have the nerve to ask like you’re not looking at him with more softness than he’s seen in his entire life. He decides not to mention it. The need for discretion that Shiu has been trying to drill into him will be lost in the wind soon enough. Toji already couldn’t take his eyes off you and now he has more reason to be with you all the time. Media be damned, he’s gonna be all over you now that you’re his, officially. And you seem to share the sentiment as you curl up on top of him as soon as he gets in bed, humming happily when his arms find your waist. He hears a sleepy murmuring of “I’m your girlfriend,” soft and giggly like you couldn’t be more happy about it. It’s like a final nail in the coffin for Toji. He’s always thought of you as his girl and now it’s finally real. No cameras, no audience. Unscripted and real. 

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - The Stand-in Stands Up (all puns intended)

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

June 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 7 of 12 eps - I do enjoy that the other Joe’s past is now coming back to haunt the present. For our Joe, the hits just keep on coming. Meanwhile, I know my heartstrings are being intentionally tugged, but I did feel sorry for Ming in this episode (at the last). And I think Up is doing a great job with this frankly difficult role if he can make me feel anything approaching sympathy for Ming. Ming's breakdown was excellent. Very dramatic.

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 6 of 12 - These two are entirely boyfriends who just don’t happen to be dating. It’s Schrödinger’s relationship. It's crazy that these two are already sleeping together and I still can’t wait for them to kiss. Very nicely done. Good tension point. This was a really cute episode but nothing much happened.

In other news, the sound effects REALLY bother me in this show. It might have been in the running as a 10/10, except for those fucking sound effects.

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 10 of 16 - I like how the majority of this show is just basically struggling with first love. It’s strangely sweet and innocent as a result. Frankly, right now, I need that - it’s comforting. It’s not exciting, but I can’t deny that thi is the highlight of the middle of my week.

Peem to Phum = use your words. Phum = SMOOCH. 

Bet you all heard this one coming: NO SINGING. 

Note: Satang (Toey) is a fantastic actor. I love the way he changes the physicality of his body for his roles. In this part, he’s kind of loose-limbed and floppy. He doesn't look younger but the way he inhabits his body does.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 1 of 12 - GeminiForth (AKA G4) are back and glory-be they showed up on YouTube. Still I’m worried it won’t stay there after the Cherry Magic debacle. So I stayed up late that night to gank it. 

Back to the show.

One of the things I’ve always loved about this IP, is how genuine and decent and earnest all of the kids are. They’re all trying so hard not to hurt each other's feelings. It’s all just a terrible case of miscommunication. G4 are perfect casting for these roles. That said, I have the same challenges with this version as I did with the JBL - it’s a bit frenetic and can be clownishly too MUCH for me. 

Meanwhile, the he feeds strays trope has popped up again. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - Trash watch here. MAME warning! I found it rather lacklustre and inoffensive but still managed to invent dildo smores.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) eps 3 of 12 - Honestly? I’m kind of enjoying watching the friendships develop between the housemates. Of course I know they’re probably gonna all end up sleeping together, but right now the communal easy-going companionship and teasing is the most fun. Other than that, this is an unremarkable Thai BL pulp with better than normal acting and consistency (for a pulp).

Only Boo! (Sun YT) ep 9 of 12 - Moo is the clinginess boyfriend in the entire universe. The thing I think I love best about this couple, and the show, is what great communicators they are. That said they are not great actors. I don’t mean to be rude, and I don’t expect great acting from my Thai BL, but it’s a little rough going sometimes with this pair.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - It’s taken me a long time, but I finally realized what I dislike about this show. It’s the pacing. Or rather, the lack of it. And I’m not saying that the pacing is necessarily off, in fact this is a typical JBL thing. But for some reason, in this show, I find it particularly annoying.

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 5-6fin - Honestly, this was a perfectly fine little friends to lovers BL, with better than average kissing from Korea. But for some reason it never really hit for me. The very end was extremely odd. A bit of a disappointment for a longer piece from Strongberry. I think they tried to be too classically BL and that is just not their strength-berry. Strongberry is better when they explore something a little edgy, or a little outside the box. 7/10

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - also I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing, so... maybe I'll put it on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know.

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS. How?

You Made My Day (Thai YT) - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard. Apparently it's cute but basically a 10 min advert.

KWill To Reunite With Seo In Guk, Ahn Jae Hyun in Comeback! For those who don't know the MV for his song Please Don't is a heavy hitting shock tactic BL adjacent piece featuring major Korean actors. (The closest we are likely to ever get.) Look it was a BIG DEAL at the time. Kinda like Kpop's Broke Back Mountain moment. More here:

I don't often report on the Kpop scene but this is very interesting.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases

6/14 Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie Gaga?) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1.

6/15 Sunset Vibes AKA SunsetXVibes (Thailand Sat iQIYI) 12 eps - Star Hunter + MosBank on iQIYI for 12 weeks? If nothing else it's gonna be a wild and sexy ride. A one night stand but "uh-oh he’s my boss," adapted from a web series. I’m game. Maybe it’ll have a better story than Big Dragon? Maybe it will have a plot? We can but hope.

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds VIU?) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

(Speaking of, why can't Est be a merman? This... I ask you?.)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Flipping stellar side couple Wandee, thank you.

Love the mains too of course.

This is that funny little unnamed (muli-named) BL/GL something from Korea that's happening on YouTube right now. It's cute! I guess it's falling under the moniker Fake Buddies.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[roturo]

hellooo can u do actor!chishiya x actress!reader where it's their first time acting w eo in a movie and they already have an nsfw scene or sumn and fans just went crazy bcs its rumored they kinda hate each other 😳 (they actually don't tho they just have this RAGING SEXUAL TENSION)

CINEMA

“I bring the pop to the cinema.

You pop when we get intimate”

CHISHIYA X FEM!READER

WARNINGS: NSFW. (NO SMUT)

PT2

(I’m thinking of doing a part 2 thats like when the movie comes out and they have an interview and they just ykyk, but idk, maybe if this gets support, I really like this idea 😭, Hope you like it! 💘)

  (Y/N) (L/N) does not fuck around with co-stars. Ever since you started acting at the young age of eight, you were always told by your mom, manager, and others in the industry to avoid casual, co-star related hook ups. Yeah, you had some crushes here and there when you were a teenager, but you stayed loyal to your vow. They remain as good friends, nothing more.

You were amazing, you had a glorious career. Not getting into any scandal, problems, etc. You decided to take the easy route and avoid getting in to a relationship.

Now, It was the first day of shooting from the new movie you’re staring. You were really relaxed actually. Most of the times you don’t know with who you’re acting with since you met them the same first day of shooting.

They just had finished doing your hair and makeup when the movie director comes in.

“Miss y/n, my dear y/n! Good morning everybody!” He said to everybody in the room. “I have some great news for you!” Am I getting another role for your next movie? omgomg 

“It’s time for you to meet your romantic interest in this movie” Oh. That…

He gave you playful smile like if it’s like he’s playing something, then he clapped his hands creating some tension. “Everyone, meet Mr.Shuntaro!”

No way.

Chishiya Shuntaro?!?!?!

You didn’t even realized you said that aloud until you saw a very schoked Chishiya too.

Shit.

I mean, like there’s nothing wrong working with The Chishiya Shuntaro y’know?… only that there’s a lot of “beef” between the both of you. Or that’s what fans like to call it. And don’t get me wrong! There’s nothing going on with both of you….

Well… maybe fans believed both of you hate eachother since in an awards event, the two of you were sat together and you couldn’t stop looking at him. It got you so nervous being next to another co-star and having some dating rumors with them. So most of the time you gave him that ‘ew’ look. But in your defense, it’s better having beef with some co-star rather than a dating rumor!

But let’s be real… you were just masking your eyes full of lust for him just to prevent any scandal.

And now?! Having him in this movie that’s not really family friendly has you questioning your decisions. 

Should you cancel this? Tell them to find another actress? Your manager told you to be the most far away from him. Did he agree to this?!!! Oh this mother-

“Ms. Y/N, it’s time to start recording.” 

“Oh yeah.. thank you.”

And it even seems funny to him too! “We need to break the ice between the both of you! What about we start with the spicy scenes?” He said.

‘Wi niid ti briek thi ice bitien thi ti if you’ kill yourself. 

It was CLEAR, you didn’t wanted to do this first, and mostly because it’s your first time acting together but not your first time being together at the same place. And that one time clearly didn’t go well. 

So…

Why the hell is my manager okay with this?!

You weren’t nervous because you clearly had a crush on him, oh nonono, you couldn’t let yourself to that risk, but it was because….

because…?

Doesn’t matters. You have to do this. It’s your job y/n, take a big breath and….

Oh shit, he doesn’t has a shirt on?!

You couldn’t believe this is really happening. 

This scene consists of both of you making out. This isn’t too hard right? It’s not the first time I do it. It’s okay, relax.

You placed your legs on each side of him, you had to straddle him.. ride him. shut the fuck up. Nothing wrong with it.

This part of the movie both of you were in the same bedroom. “Alone” Yeah… bullshit. There’s like 4 camaras around us.

“And… ACTION!” Fuck. The director exclaimed. Now all eyes were on both of you. You were tense. You slowly cupped his cheek with your hand and started kissing him, he followed your way. You’re doing good right? Yes! Maybe we could just finish it in one take and-

Shit.

“CUT! This looks like some elementary kids kissing for the first time, put some passion! more sexiness y’know, let it go” Yeah, yeah he’s right! It’s not like you’re on top of him IN UNDERWEAR, and he’s almost naked with just some briefs that are barely hanging on his waist! Let’s put some passion in it! 

“Okay… SCENE 13, TAKE TWO, ACTION!” You were about to cup his cheek again when he suddenly grabbed you by the waist and started kissing you. You let him take control and play with your lips all like he wanted, you couldn’t move yourself, you were FREEZED. He slightly started moving you with his hands for you to straddle him, he left a small groan, hopefully it’s part of his act, and you couldn’t stop yourself from leaving a small moan that sounded more like a sigh. Shit. This is not part of the act.

“CUT!” WHAT?! WHATS WRONG NOW?!

“Y/N, please relax a little, he looked like he’s making out with a mannequin. C’mon, let’s do it again. SCENE 13, TAKE THREE, AND ACTION!”

Okay… Relax. 

This time, you were the one who started kissing Chishiya roughly, he left a small whimper at that sudden action, but continued with it. Both of you were kissing eachother like beasts. You couldn’t stop yourself from moving up and down in top of him. This feels so good. You left a moan that was quickly shut down by his kisses. 

“AND…. CUT! That was amazing see! I knew both of you would be perfect for this role, it’s like you guys were made for it! I’m really hop-“

You stopped listening to the director, when you locked eyes with Chishiya. They were so beautiful. He’s really beautiful.

He breaks the eye contact when he looks down at both of you, he suddenly chuckled and that made you look.

Oh shit. You were so fucked.

He was hard and his briefs now had a dark stain of your juices, this is so embarrassing! You looked at him with red ears and pink cheeks mumbling a sorry..

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I mean, that stain it’s not only yours y’know?” He said getting your chin up with one of his hands while the other covers you up with the blanket from the bed.

Okay, that made you laugh and relax a little..

Both of you locked eyes again.

It feels so right to me. 

“If you’re getting yourself wet for me… I guess you’re all mine now.”

Oh you were so fucked.

And i’m so sorry if this is short her than the others 😭, rn there’s a lot going on and my schedule is really messy rn. I was literally writing this at the hospital and later at the gym LMFAOSOSO

[winchesterwild78]

Less Lonely

Characters: Jensen x Reader (wife)

Warnings: None really, just a little loneliness, but overall just a fluffy story

A/N: Just a quick short story I thought of while juggling the two series I’m writing. Y’all forgive my brain. Jumping around from story to story. 😂 

This is my own work, please do not take it or copy it without my permission. Absolutely NO disrespect to Jensen or his family. I respect and adore him. This is a work of fiction and does not depict real life. I wrote it fast and edited it fast. Please overlook any errors. 

Minors DNI 18+

You laid awake staring at the bedside clock. It was 4:23 am and you couldn’t sleep. Jensen was leaving in a few hours and would be gone for about a week. You knew what you signed up for when you married him 3 years ago, but this part never got any easier. When he was gone his kids still came to visit, which helped, but you still missed him. They missed him. You love his children and you’re thankful they love you too. His ex is great and was welcoming of the idea of letting them stay with you while he was gone. The three of you became a great co-parenting team. The decision for the kids to still come even with Jensen gone was ultimately left up to them. You all wanted them to be comfortable with the idea. 

So, when Dee had work, or it would be Jensen’s weekend, the kids came to stay with you even with him out of town. 

You rolled over on your side and stared at your husband, who was sleeping peacefully next to you. Listening to his soft snores made you smile. 

He had been off work for a while so you got used to him being home. He was able to focus on things locally, so he was home every night. A twinge of guilt filled your heart when you wished he could just stay home. 

Jensen is an incredible actor and loves his job. It would be unfair and unsupportive of you to make him feel guilty about leaving. So, you kept it to yourself. He knew, of course he knew. It was hard on him too. Leaving you and the kids. 

You finally fell back asleep just in time for the alarm to go off. You rolled over and turned it off. Jensen stretched and pulled you close to him. He kissed the top of your head, “Good morning baby. How did you sleep?” You buried your face in his chest, “Not good, but I’ll go make coffee, you get ready.” You leaned up and kissed his lips softly. You climbed out of bed and made your way downstairs to the kitchen. 

Jensen sighed and got out of bed and headed to take a shower. He knew you wouldn’t sleep well the night before he left. You never do. 

About 20 minutes later Jensen came bounding down the stairs, dressed with his bag in hand. He wore a t-shirt that hugged his body in all the right places, and his jeans. You looked at him over your coffee cup and your breath hitched. 

You loved looking at him, he always managed to take your breath away. He walked over to the counter and grabbed his to-go mug and filled it up. You finished drinking your coffee and walked over to the sink. Jensen came up behind you and put his arms around you, pulling you into a hug. You touched his arms. “I need to go get ready, so I can take you to the airport.” 

Jensen spun you around and kissed you softly, “Okay, baby. Don’t worry, I’ll only be gone a week. Just shooting a few episodes. I’ll be home before you know it.” You looked into his green eyes, trying to hold back tears, “I know.” 

You went upstairs, quickly showered and got ready. By the time you got downstairs, Jensen had his shoes on and was ready to go. You grabbed your shoes and purse and walked to the car with Jensen. He placed his bag in the back and got in the driver’s seat. 

Driving towards the airport the two of you talked about your plans for the week, what he knew his shooting schedule would be, and what the plan was with the kids this weekend. Before you knew it, you were at the airport. 

Jensen parked and the two of you got out. Security met you two at the car and helped escort you in. They allowed you to walk to the gate with Jensen to say goodbye. Jensen took you in his arms and held you tightly. “I love you so much, Y/N. I’ll be back before you know it. Once I’m back, you and I are going on a trip together. Just you and me.” You smiled up at your husband, “I love you too, babe, and that sounds amazing. Just what we need.” He kissed you deeply, and he pulled away and headed towards the plane. 

You stood at the gate, tears streaming down your face. You felt so alone. Since you two had been married you could count on one hand how many nights you two had spent away from each other. Even when he went to film for The Boys you went with him. Since this trip was going to be shorter you two decided you would stay at home. 

The drive home was very quiet. Before you left the airport you sent Jensen a text.

You: Have a safe flight, let me know when you land. I love you

Jensen: I will, baby. I love you too. Turning the phone off now, text you later. XOXO

The next few days went by quickly. You had the kids over and you kept busy. Jensen called, texted and FaceTimed when he could. You were so thankful for technology. The kids left to go back home with Dee, so you were home by yourself. 

You tried to busy yourself with little things around the house. You hadn’t heard from Jensen today, so you were a little on edge. You sent him a text just to say hi.

You: Hey babe. Just wanted to say hi and I miss you. I love you, babe.

Hours passed and nothing. You started to get a little worried, but you knew sometimes his schedule was crazy. 

Your phone rang and you saw Jensen’s name pop up. You smiled, “Hey babe, how’s it going?” You didn’t hear anything, so you said it again. Faint voices could be made out. You realized Jensen butt dialed you. You laughed. Before you hung up you heard Jensen’s voice, “Yeah, I need to call her and let her know. God I hope she’s okay with it. I hate leaving her for so long.” “I’m sure she’s going to understand man. She loves you and supports you.” “Yeah, she’s amazing and so good with my kids.” 

You smiled and decided to hang up and send him a text.

You: Hey babe, you butt dialed me. 😀 I love you, call when you can.

Jensen: Oops, sorry baby. I’ll call in about 10 minutes if that’s okay.

You: Yep, I’ll be waiting.

About 10 minutes later your FaceTime went off and it was Jensen. You smiled and answered. “Hey babe. How’s it going?” “Hey beautiful, it’s fine. We are just about to wrap up filming. What are you doing?” “Nothing much, just trying to keep busy. Counting down the hours until I get to see you again.” You noticed Jensen’s face fell. “Babe, what’s wrong? You’re not coming home tomorrow are you?” Jensen sighed and ran his hands through his hair, “No, I have to meet with the Amazon executives tomorrow and they want me to pop in as a surprise guest at Comic Con. I won’t be home until next week. I’m so sorry baby.” You took a deep breath, “It’s okay, Jens. I understand. It’s an important part of your job. I just miss you.” “I miss you too sweetheart, more than you know.” 

The two of you talked for a few more minutes before someone called Jensen back to set. “Well, darlin’ I need to get going. I’ll call you after we wrap tonight, okay?” “Okay, Jens. I love you, talk to you later today.” “I love you too, beautiful.” 

When you two hung up, you let the tears fall you had been holding back. You missed Jensen so much. This was the longest you two had been apart since before you got married. After a few minutes you pulled yourself together and decided to shower, get dressed and go into town.

The drive into town was always so peaceful and beautiful. You loved driving around and just taking in the beautiful areas. You’ve lived in several places, but Texas was by far one of the most beautiful places you’ve been to. 

You walked into the grocery store and grabbed a cart. With your list in hand you started to fill up your cart. Standing looking at the produce you noticed a small group of young women, maybe mid to late teens, looking at you. As you placed some items in your cart, one of them approached you. “Um, excuse me, are you married to Jensen Ackles?” You smiled at her, “Yes I am, can I help you with something?” She turned to her friends and smiled, shaking her head yes. “Would you mind taking a picture with us? We think you’re really sweet and we were so happy when Jensen met you.” “Of course I will, thank you for being so sweet.” The girls took a few pictures with you and then went on their way.

Your heart was filled with joy. This was the first time you’d been recognized without Jensen being with you. You finished your shopping and got in your car. You sent Jensen a text.

You: Hey superstar, guess who just got recognized by your fans. 😂

Jensen: That’s so sweet. I can’t wait to see the pictures. I’m sure they are uploading them now. 

You: Probably. You know pretty soon I’ll be more famous than you. 😜

Jensen: You already are in my book, baby.

You: Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Ackles. 😘

Jensen: I’ll hold you to it, Mrs. Ackles. ♥️

You: I love you, gotta get these groceries home. Talk to you later.

Jensen: Okay, I love you too, drive safely. 

You drove home and when you got home you carried the groceries in and put them away. Dee called and asked if she could bring the kids over for a while. She had some errands to run and the kids didn’t want to go. You told her to bring them over whenever she wanted to. 

“Knock, knock. Y/N, we’re here.” You heard Dee call from the front door. “Hey, be out in a second.” You were in the laundry room transferring clothes from the washer to the dryer. You walked into the living room and saw Dee and the kids. She hugged you, “So Jens comes home tomorrow, right?” “Actually no, he has to meet with the Amazon execs and head to Comic Con. He called me this morning.” “Oh, that’s a bummer. He always hates last minute change of plans.” “Yeah, me too. Hopefully he’s back next week, but he has a con the following weekend.” 

“Yeah, he loves going to conventions. His fans mean everything to him, so his schedule revolves around the conventions. Jensen tries to not have anything filming during those times.” “Well, thanks for watching the kiddos, I’ll be back soon, and Y/N, it’ll get easier. I promise.” You nodded and said thanks. 

When Dee left the kids wanted to play outside. Jensen had just finished building them a play structure and they were so excited. You laughed when he had to try out the whole thing. He said it was to make sure it was structurally sound and safe for them, but you knew it was because he was a big kid. 

You grabbed your water and sat on the porch, watching the kids play. You snapped a picture of them, a selfie of you and sent them to Jensen.

You: Enjoying this beautiful weather and missing daddy.

You hit send and put your phone down. A few minutes later Jensen sent a text back. He took a selfie and sent it to you.

Jensen: Missing ALL my babies too. God you’re so beautiful, sweetheart. 

You: Thank you, and you’re not looking half bad yourself there handsome.

Jensen: 😘

You: 🥰 

The afternoon went pretty quickly and before too long you were saying your goodbyes to three very tearful kids. “I promise you guys can come over again soon. I just have an early morning appointment tomorrow.” The kids gave you a hug and you hugged them back. Dee touched your arm before stepping off the porch, “Thank you for being so great with them. It really makes things so much easier, and better than I imagined.” “Of course, Dee. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t love and accept those beautiful babies? They are part of you and Jensen, and they are a huge part of his life. When I came into his life, those kids came with him.” She hugged you and smiled. 

When you went back inside you started cleaning up and your phone rang. You smiled when you saw it was Jensen. “Hey babe. How are you?” “I’m good, how was your day with the kiddos?” “It was great. We had a lot of fun. Dee just left with them.” “So I wanted to talk to you about something real quick.” “Okay, what is it Jens?” “My flight leaves tomorrow to head to chat with the Amazon executives, but I’m not due at Comic Con until Saturday. How would you feel about flying out to LA and coming to visit me?” 

You stood stunned for a minute. “Baby, are you still there?” “Oh yeah, sorry, yeah I’m still here Jensen.” “So, what do you think? Want to come out to LA and hang out with your husband?” “I’d love to, but are you sure that would be okay? I don’t want to be a distraction or cause problems.” “Sweetheart, it’s more than okay. You won’t be a distraction or cause problems. Besides, Eric and Jeff can’t wait to see you again. The rest of the cast too.” “Okay, yeah. I’ll come. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, but after that I’m open to leave whenever.” “Great, I’ll book the flight and give you all the details. I can’t wait to see you. I’ve missed you!” “I’ve missed you too, Jensen. I love you baby.” “Well I better get off here. I need to get packed and rest before my flight early tomorrow morning. It leaves at 4 am. I love you honey.” “Okay, night Jens, I love you too.” 

You hung up and finished cleaning up the house. The rest of the evening was uneventful. Jensen texted you with your flight information. You were leaving tomorrow at 3:30pm and would arrive in LA about 9pm. You were so excited to see him. You made sure everything was packed and ready to go before you went to sleep.

The next morning you went to your doctor’s appointment and hurried home. You did last minute checks of your bag and made sure you had everything you’d need. A week's worth of clothes, (you weren’t sure how long you were going to be gone), your toiletries, and other things you needed. 

About 12:30 a car arrived to take you to the airport. You grabbed your bags and set them on the front porch and locked up the house. The driver grabbed your bags and you thanked him. You sent Jensen a text.

You: In the car now, headed to the airport. I hope your meeting went/is going well. Talk to you soon. Love you.

The drive to the airport took a little longer than anticipated due to an accident. You left in plenty of time, but you were anxious to be in Jensen’s arms. Once at the airport, you went through security and arrived at the gate with time to spare. You finally let out a breath and took a seat waiting to be called. 

You looked at your phone just as a text came through.

Jensen: Hey baby. Yeah, the meeting went great. I’ll tell you all about it when I see you. Have a safe flight. I love you. 

You: I can’t wait. I love you too. 

A few hours later you were sitting on the plane waiting to get off. You sent Jensen a text to let him know you landed and he told you there would be a car waiting for you. Your leg bounced as you anxiously waited to get off the plane. 

As you entered the terminal you looked around trying to see your driver. You didn’t notice anyone yet, so you walked towards baggage claim. Rounding the corner you looked up and saw Clif and you smiled. Then you saw Jensen with a wide grin. You instantly ran to his arms and he grabbed you into a hug. “Oh my god, Jens! I missed you so much.” You kissed him and he hugged you tightly. “I missed you too, sweetheart.” You two couldn’t stop kissing and hugging. Clif chuckled, “Come on you two, they have enough pictures.” You noticed the paparazzi was snapping picture after picture of your reunion, but you didn't care. Clif grabbed your bags as Jensen took your hand. 

You were so excited to be with him again. You missed Jensen so much, and he missed you. Once in the SUV Jensen couldn’t keep his hands off of you. He kept kissing you and touching you. You giggled, “Sorry Clif.” Clif laughed, “Hey, it’s alright. I’m just glad you could make it. Lover boy here couldn’t stop talking about you.” You smiled at Jensen and he blushed. 

“Hey, what can I say, I love my wife.” “I love you too, Jensen, and I missed you like crazy.” Clif pulled into the hotel Jensen was staying at, and grabbed your bags. The three of you took the elevator up to Jensen’s floor. You followed him and walked into the suite. You looked around, “Wow, this is beautiful, Jens.” Clif put your bags down and told you both he’d see you later. 

When the door closed Jensen pulled you into his arms again. “I hated being away from you. I missed you so much.” He kissed you, and started working his way down your neck. “Jens, I need you baby.” 

Jensen slowly laid you back on the bed and kissed down your body. Clothes were shed and the two of you spent hours exploring each other’s bodies like it was the first time. There was no rushing tonight, just fulfilling a need that was weeks in the making. 

The love between you and Jensen grew stronger and deeper with every touch. He was yours and you were his. 

Being in his arms after so long was exactly what your soul needed. 

Tags are open, if you want to be added, let me know.  

Tags: @nescaveckdaily  @kr804573 @k-slla @jackles010378 @jawritter

@xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @roseblue373 @cheynovak @jassackles  @chriszgirl92

@suckitands33 @arcannaa @n-o-p-e-never @ladysparkles78 @smoothdogsgirl

@hobby27 @manicjk @stoneyggirl2 @deans-spinster-witch @snowayumi 

[williamrikers]

thoughts on the first episode of 4 minutes

everyone seems to be doing these now, so i'll join in bc i need a way to process what i just saw. putting this under a cut bc of spoilers—if you are familiar with boc's other works (especially kinnporsche and dff) i strongly recommend you try and avoid spoilers before watching! i watched this episode not knowing what was coming and That Scene made me shriek so loudly i probably scared my neighbours. ANYWAY.

okay let's get the big thing out of the way first. bas and fuaiz. HOLY SHIT. i was literally pausing the whole time to text my friend just "WHAT" over and over. They Did That.

let me break this down. boc took one look at the current politics regarding shipped couples in bl, said "yeah we're not doing that" and let bas and fuaiz have a whole entire sex scene. (while gmmtv, for example, let phuwin and thor not even touch lips on wednesday club because phuwin is part of a sacred Shipped Couple.) AND WHAT A SEX SCENE IT WAS!!! i am pretty sure we're gonna see everyone's bare ass over the course of this show. if this is what they're showing us in the very first episode for a couple who i'm guessing might not be endgame?? i mean. damn. what will jes and bible get up to??? mark me down as scared and horny 🫣

sex in boc shows is usually pretty explicit but in this case it's also. just a thing two people do? it's not romanticised. it's strongly implied that tonkla is having sex with korn because korn is paying him for it. korn is older and from an incredibly rich family, and while they were sweet with each other and obviously both enjoyed it, it did feel like a transaction a little bit.

what i found most impressive about this scene was that we got to see tonkla being left alone afterwards and then visibly dealing with that. we could watch him processing—i don't think i've ever seen this kind of post sex unhappiness depicted in bl, and it was so beautifully subtle! we don't yet know whether tonkla was just unhappy with how that particular evening went or if he is unhappy with the arrangement as a whole, but Something Is Definitely Up and it is so incredibly intriguing.

while we're talking about korn, the family dynamics in this show have me in a chokehold. bas and bible as brothers was a genius casting choice, they really do feel like siblings, they have a very sweet vibe together while korn is obviously worried about his younger brother. the whole deal with their father's illegal business of which korn only learns when he is supposed to manage it, the way korn treats his father in general, korn's mother having passed away shortly after his birth and korn being raised by his step-mother (great's mom), it's all so incredibly juicy. bas just has so much presence on screen, he is an absolutely wonderful actor and at this point, i am almost more invested in his story than in the main story 🤭

speaking of which: love that bible got one of his cats to act with him 😂😂 thailand's number one cat dad. but yeah, i am Intrigued, i am seated, i am so happy to be alive to witness this. i don't think there's a lot to be said on this yet bc most of the episode was exposition and great learning about his new powers, and also the narrative tying them to near-death experiences so that we know what we're dealing with going forward. (shout-out to job here bc it was so nice to see him again and also so weird to see him as a character who is actually smart haha 😂)

the production value of this show is off the charts. the first scene of great being pulled back in time was ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING. literally the best i've ever seen out of thailand. boc are taking their craft very seriously and it is just such a joy to watch.

also, the numbers everywhere! it got to the point that i was like, oh of COURSE she is in room number 4, WHERE ELSE?? 😂😂

i am so seated for this show. like i cannot express how seated i am. BRING IT ON, BE ON CLOUD.

[misstycloud]

Yandere actor x actor reader in an interview?

“So, as you know the movie has now become a major success in the movie industry,”

You and the man beside you both nod in unision at the hostess statement, confirming her remark with a certain pride one receives after all the hard work finally pays off.

“-what would you say was your favourite part to film?” The woman asked, intrigued. She turns her curious gaze towards you first, so you go ahead and answer.

“Well I would say it was the resturant scene, since we actually got to eat real food. And if the shot wasn’t good enough they’d have to bring out a new full plate to reshoot it.” You professionally replied with a laugh.

The woman and rest of the audience chuckled along at your confession. She even made a joke of accusing you of messing up on purpose so you’d be able to taste the dish over and over again.

The question was then directed at the other guest. He crossed his legs while straightening the tie on his very expensive suit, giving him a cold and rigid appearance.

“I personally favoured doing the wedding.” Was all he said. Nothing more nothing less.

The show host laughed in an awkward manner at the short and uninterested reply. You wanted to sink into the cushioned chair and pinch your brow. Could he stop doing that, you begged mentally.

Although it’s basically what he’s been doing all through his career and people should’ve really seen it coming by now, you still wished to save the embarrassment.

Deciding to do something, you nudged his arm with your elbow and whispered, “What else? What about it made you like it?”

Ace’s face lit up in realisation and ‘ah’ed. “The Production Designers made a great job in creating the venue. They made it feel like a real ceremony. Everything was done in near perfection, the decorations were good suiting my tastes and all.”

“Oh, is that so, and what was the best part of ‘your wedding’?” The hostess leaned in closer, anticipating his answer.

A small hint of a smile grew on the caramel-haired man’s face, so small in fact that it would be hard for anyone but you and the other woman to catch it. “The best part you ask? It is without a doubt that I got to see (Y/n) looking so beautiful- not to say she isn’t always- but I am sure you understand what I mean.”

She burst out in giggles at his confession and so did the audience, loving the prospect of a real life romance that might be happening behind the camera. You and Ace seemed like the ideal couple after all. Both being highly attractive, talented and having some unexplainable connection.

The perfect pair.

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve had any guest be so honest with their feelings toward their co-star!Say, Mr. Lee, you’re not one known to form a close bond to your fellow actors but there’s an obvious exception here.” She pried, all giddy. If she managed to get a juicy reply, her show would definitely make the top from there. “Does this mean miss (Y/n) is someone very special?”

News on your relationship would spread and be the topic of magazines and conversations. Everyone were invested in it, even though it wasn’t officially confirmed that you and Ace were a thing.

Your body tensed at the question. You didn’t want people to think you were dating for real, as if it were confirmed. That would cause a bunch of trouble you had no interest in handling. All those people were fooled.

Tough you didn’t wish to call your fans and the general public idiots, it’s exactly what they were when it came to him. They had no idea of what he was really like. Sure they knew he could be taken as a bit of an oddball, not the person to gladly socialise like other celebrities.

But only those who had worked closely with him knew the extent of his troubling personality. Picky, selfish, entitled and rude towards everyone; those were the prominent qualities. You couldn’t count on the times you’d been forced to save some poor employee from his clutches.

Only after noticing your presence did he switch up his act and turn into a completely different person. Front of you he’d act sweetly, if you hadn’t caught him being horrible to others you wouldn’t have believed he was capable of such things.

In all honesty, it was somewhat disturbing how he was able to turn the switch so quickly. That’s the prodigy actors, you supposed.

You sent Ace a firm look, warning him not to do something he’ll regret. AKA, lying and saying you were together. And what does he do? He had the audacity to freaking smirk. You nearly scream in your seat. What an ass!

“Yes, she is indeed very special to me.” Ace said as he sent you a meaningful gaze.

By now you were ready to slap him. It had been hard enough to keep more rumours about the two at bay than the already existing ones, there was no need for this shit. Angrily, you kicked his leg. Which no one saw because the angle worked in your favour. Ace hissed in response.

And instead of getting mad like the normal human being, he said with a sly grin, “Actually, do you want to know another favourite scene of mine?”

The hostess perked up at this, “Yes, certainly!”

“The one where I get the privilege of proposing to (Y/n). It was wonderful, just wishing she’d accept my real one.”

Silence. Then an uproar.

“Does this imply the rumours are true? And have you gone so far you’re thinking of marriage?”

“No, no!” You instantly deny, “He’s not serious, he loves to joke around sometimes, haha. Isn’t that right?” You regard Ace who sits calmly in his position, not caring to say a word.

‘He’s getting off from this, isn’t he!’

“Oh don’t be shy miss (Y/n)! It’s been obvious since a long time ago. You’re made for each other!”

“No. We’re not! We’re really not. There’s nothing more between us than friendship. ”

———-

‘Ugh. Why did he have to do that?’ You complained to yourself after the show was over.

As you stumbled around in the corridors, the person who caused your irritated state popped up.

“Just the person I wanted to see.” You spat at him.

“It’s good to see you too, love. Since the wrap-up of the movie I haven’t had the chance to see you for so long. It’s been very lonely.” Ace approached you and tried to caress your cheek, you stepped away.

“What the hell did you do that for? Don’t go around spouting shit that isn’t true.”

“I can assure you, my love for you is very true. There isn’t anything more genuine than that.” He pleaded.

“Just stop!” You pushed him away, “I don’t want you anywhere near me. I’m done with you! No more movies together. We’ll never see each other again, okay!”

The moment you started leaving, a voice sounded behind you. In a confident tone your now nemesis asserted, “We’ll see about that, dear.”

—————————

[yoshirage]

Body Swap Diaries: Enri

The old man slowly open his eyes; his vision slowly clearing as he looks down. He sees a tight muscular body free from wrinkles. The man that helped him with acquiring this body hands him a mirror and a giant smile forms at the once old man’s face

“So how do you like it?”

“Amazing” the man closed his mouth surprised at his thick Mexican accent. “How how is this possible!?” The man is still bewildered at what happened

The man tries to explain. "I am what you can call as a 'swapper' I can swap people's bodies with anyone I want, but I also can swap bodies with whoever I want." He searches the gym bag for the old man's new body's wallet. "and it looks like I swapped you with someone named Enrique."

"Enrique huh" He flexes his new muscular biceps in awe at how big he his. "But why would you do this for me" Enrique ask the man before him.

"Well i guess you can call it gratitude Coach Stevenson." The man was surprised that he knew who he was. "I'm sure you don't remember me but I was one of your students during the 70's when you were still a coach." The man explains. "and being one of the few black kids in that school, i've experience a lot of racism and bullying from both teachers and other students."

"Wait... Trevor is that you?" Coach Stevenson exclaimed.

Trevor smiled and he continues his story. "But you... you were the only adult in that school that showed me respect, and you even helped get into track and football, though I had to quit the latter since I was so scrawny back then."

"well look at you know! you've grown into quite a handsome man." Coach Stevenson laughs.

"well actually this is not my original body." Coach Stevenson was surprised hear this but Trevor continues. "I managed to get into a great college and got myself a great job as business man and my life's been great since; but I felt empty in my life since I always wanted to be an actor." Trevor is in deep thought but he continues. "it wasn't until a man named Blue taught me to become a swapper and it was then that I swapped with an upcoming actor named Michael."

"so you gave up everything to become an actor? the money, the success, everything?" Coach Stevenson asked

"So you gave up everything? money, success, everything!?" Stevenson asked

"Yes, and I don't regret any of it. and know I've been a hit. Been in some movies like Creed and Black Panther, and as for the original Michael, \me and Blue made it so that he doesn't remember his old life and would live my life as if he's in auto pilot"

"how about me. I don't know anything about this kid Enri. How am I supposed to live as him? and what happened to my old body."

"Don't worry, His memories will flood into your head shortly." Michael sees the old coach wince a little as he knows that parts of Enri's memories started to come in. "and the old Enri, will live your life as did Michael is living my life. Michael tossed Enri his Gym bag "come on Enri time for your work out"

Hearing his new name sounded natural to him as more memories flood into him. Enri grabs his gym back and dressed in his gym gear. His cutoff shirt still showing his new massive body.

"YO Enri, where are you?" another man comes into the locker room. Enri recognizes him as one of his Gym bros.

"Faziz Man! I told you I'll be out! and let the bros know its arm day today."

Faziz left the lockers. Enri smiles at Michael " thank you again for this Michael. and no matter how many lives you live in this lifetime... Coach Stevenson will always be there for you." He pats Michaels shoulder as he picks up his bag and leave the locker room as his new life as Enrique.

"Thanks for everything Coach." Michael says to himself as he smiles.

[low-budget-korra]

Comments on Netflix's Avatar The Last Airbender

*spoiler alert*

First of all I'm gonna start by saying it is one of the best adaptations I've seen so far. And that's the key word, adaptation. I've seen a lot of fans and others complain about some things that honestly, doesn't make sense because some things only work in a cartoon(just as much as some things only work in a book or a video game)

And before I start to talk about some topics that I judge important, I also wanna say that the production is fantastic, from the costumes to the CGI. It all looks amazing. (A part from Yue's wig)

1. The Script

It's not easy to pick 20+ episodes and make it fit in only 8 but damn they did a hell of a good job, especially when judging what was important to show and what they could let it go. Some fans commented that since there's no fillers, the Gaang and others miss some development but I think that for the universe of the live action what we got here it worked.

I can express how much I like to see Ozai and Azula's relationship and how it is now clear that he uses the siblings against each other, manipulating them to get what he wants. But I will admit I miss the fear Azula had, since it's implied in the show and some extras that she does fear Ozai, and fears becoming like Zuko.

I hope the 41. Is just fine after the battle in the north. See all of them bowing to Zuko after discovering that Zuko was the one that saved their asses and was heavily punished by that...it was beautiful. I loved the writers did that, give names and faces to Zuko's crew and a beautiful yet sad arc when Ozai banished his son and the men who he saved.

I also loved that they put weight into things that was treated as a joke, like Katara talking about her mother. She was a little kid who saw her mom get murdered in front of her and the live action made sure to let us know that it is not okay to make jokes about something so traumatic. All of the deaths here have tons of weight in it, it's not some random person, is someone we met, someone we liked, someone who helped. The costs of the war, something the cartoon manages to show us but know in live action, with real people, the massage gets stronger.

And they didn't forget Iroh's past like the fandom does, which is great. That actor, the earthbending soldier really let it all out, that's how you use the few screentime you have.

Sokka's isn't sexist and y'all were making a storm outta a cup of water, is not like Sokka sexist didn't go away after like the 4 or 5 episode in the original show. I think the live action was able to bring more depth to him in comparison to the first season of the cartoon. We see how he feels about his father's, the absence of him and his duty as warrior who kinda doesn't want to be a warrior.

I need a Gyatso in my life, I didn't know I needed to see more of him until the live action gave us more of him. Kyoshi was the Thor coming to Wakanda from this season, WHY THE FUCK BRYKE DONT WANNA GIVE US A KYOSHI SERIES? She is absolutely a jewel of a character. Roku and Kuruk, damn poor Kuruk man, so much pain in his words but again that's what it means to be the Avatar, it's not fun and games. Zhao saying to Aang what Korra villains said to Korra😭 that the world doesn't need the Avatar anymore, it hurt.

Guys I'm gonna say it, there's no way in hell for anyone to ship Kataang here. I'm saying this because some shippers complain that the secret tunnel part was different but c'mon, look at Kiawentiio and look at Gordon, it would be so s awkward and weird and just wrong. I know they don't have a big age difference, is only like 3 years but when they filmed Gordon looked so much younger than her, maybe in the next seasons the difference won't be that big.

The pace is good, once you start you don't wanna stop.

2. The Acting

Everyone is really good at capturing the essence of it's characters and somewhat making them their own. The highlights for me were Dallas and Ian, Its like they came straight from the show. Ken Leung's Zhao was also amazing as he was way more threatening here than he was in the show.

Kiawentiio was the Katara we were looking for, she is kind yet strong, brave and caring. And Gordon was Aang, sure, he has to learn a few things since he slipped a few times in his acting but nothing that could ruin the experience, that kid is good and just needs some experience.

Elizabeth Yu was Azula. It was different but yet the same character, is like learning something new of her and I like how cleared she show emotions with her eyes. Maria Zhang had great chemistry with Ian and I can't wait to see more of Suki. Arden Cho and Yvonne Chapman as June and Avatar Kyoshi look like they came out straight from the cartoon. Daniel Dae Kim...man is Ozai, so cold, so sharp, so scary, already way better than the cartoon version. I wanna see more of Paul Sun-Hyung Lee as Iroh since the character he really starts to shine in book 2.

3. The live action doesn't have the spirit of the OG?

Yes, it does have. The thing is now that we are seeing real people, things get dark one way or another but I don't think it ruined the spirit of the show. Aang is still a kid, Sokka still making sarcastic jokes, Zuko still annoying as hell, Katara still hopeful and strong... There's everything there really.

The thing is stuff like genocide, murder, war, death and suffering are, for some people, better to watch as pixels in a cartoon than real people.

I think it's a great adaptation and I would recommend it to every fan.

[ofthehands]

Been thinking about the childhoods of the Sawyers again, this time in particular Drayton, and wondering about how the time period he grew up in might have shaped who he became. Generally I base his age on his actor, Jim Siedow, which just makes sense, we’ve never been given any reason to doubt he’s the same age as his actor. Which would mean Drayton was born in 1920 sometime, and would’ve grown up in part during the Great Depression and Dust Bowl. 

Now, of course the Sawyers would’ve been too poor to have a stake in the stock market, and whether or not the Dust Bowl would’ve hit them exactly depends on where Newt, Texas actually is, but for this little piece of analysis I’m going to make the leap and assume Newt would’ve been impacted by the Dust Bowl, and that the Sawyers were impacted by the job loss and industry cutbacks (via the slaughterhouse, most likely) of  the Great Depression, both because it’s interesting and because I think it makes sense. 

We know Drayton was born in 1920, and the twins were likely next, or at least the next surviving Sawyer children, born in 1945 (if you base their age on Edwin Neal’s age). Which is a big age gap, and we’ve discussed lots of reasons for this age gap, but one that isn’t talked about much that I think makes sense is the economic impacts of the times leading the Sawyers to be too afraid to have more children. They had Drayton when things were looking up- the Great War just ended and while many farmers were burdened with debt, the roaring twenties were beginning, and along with that came a boom in industrial production- it could be possible this is when the slaughterhouse came to Newt.  Only for all that to be yanked away when their son is about nine years old. The Great Depression comes first- wages are cut, many people lose their jobs, folks are going hungry. But the Sawyers seem to have at some point lived off the land somewhat, maybe they could raise livestock or grow food. For about a year, until the Dust Bowl starts, nearly a full decade of dust storms so intense they choked the life out of the land and left the Sawyers and many people like them not only in abject poverty, but absolutely starving. Of course they wouldn’t want another child- they probably only barely managed to clothe and feed Drayton. But, eventually the Dust Bowl does end, and the economy of the United States is boosted by the second World War, leading many Americans to feel secure enough to start having lots of kids, causing the Baby Boom. Which started around 1945, birth year of the twins. The birth order and timeline of the Sawyer family makes a lot of sense with these historical events taken into account, and the Texas Chainsaw universe is never shown to be different to ours historically beyond the existence of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, so I believe it’s entirely reasonable to assume these events did happen and did impact the Sawyer family in this way. 

So, with that out of the way, how did these events impact Drayton? As an adult Drayton seems to be a very anxious and money-conscious man. Which in the first film makes a lot of sense- he and his family are very poor, and he’s their only source of real income that we see. However, at the same time, the family is shown to have a collection of victims’ previous cars. Which is a bit odd. There could be a good bit of money there, which you would think would cross Drayton’s mind.  Of course, it would be important to make sure these cars aren’t traced back to them, so selling them outright would be risky, but selling parts of them as scrap or the whole cars to be scrapped could be a fairly easy way to make some more money. It would’ve been easier to get away with then, without cameras everywhere especially in the middle of nowhere Texas, and with the law caring/ believing as little about the Sawyers as TCM2 showed us they did.  But, the cars are collected anyway. Since Drayton is the head of the household and these cars wouldn’t be easy to hide, it’s reasonable to assume that Drayton allowed these cars to be kept. It could be argued that the Sawyers just aren’t smart enough to figure out how to safely dispose of their victim’s cars, and so they keep them in order to avoid suspicion. However, I would like to posit that these cars are an early sign of Drayton’s tendency to hoard. 

Hoarding is a fairly common behavior in people who lived through the Great Depression, and it can be handed down generationally as well- the children of (or in our case, children raised by) those who lived through the Great Depression often struggle with hoarding too. Hoarding behaviors are commonly associated with anxiety- the fear of not having enough, the fear of needing something and not having it- there is an anxiety around need. Which, of course, is an anxiety that was greatly exacerbated by the Great Depression and Dust Bowl- people in mass didn’t have what they needed, and like many traumas, these events left people with the unending fear of it happening again. Additionally, and notably,  hoarding can also be related to a number of mental health conditions, like severe depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and psychotic disorders. So how exactly does this relate back to Drayton Sawyer? 

To assume Drayton is a hoarder, or takes part in hoarding behaviors, based only on the car graveyard would be quite the stretch. However, this is far from the only time we see hoarding-type behaviors  in the Sawyers that must either be done by him or allowed by him. In the first film the Sawyers don’t seem to have too much of a hoarding problem. They use absolutely everything they get their hands on, which could again be a Great Depression/Dust Bowl influence, but their home seems rather sparsely furnished, and while they have a lot of animal bones laying about, its still easy to move through their home- it’s not particularly cluttered, just filthy. In the second film, however, with greater access to money, the Sawyers have started to collect things. The massive cave system they live in is full of strange items, all throughout the walls, and bodies are kept throughout their ‘home’ even when they aren’t being used- the giblets being stuffed into the walls, where Lefty finds them. They could burn something like that, or find some use for it, or get rid of it in some other way, but Drayton, who is in charge of their cooking operations undoubtedly, does none of this- he keeps all of it. He additionally is still very worried about money- he refuses to take a break or miss out on money for even one night, in spite of his advanced age, the fact that they have enough food to be selling food in mass, and that his business is stable enough for the woman at the chili contest to call him “Dallas’ favorite caterer”. Dallas is a big area- if he’s one of the most popular caterers in Dallas, his family isn’t going to go hungry. But Drayton expresses constant money anxiety anyways, and he keeps or allows the keeping of tons of strange and borderline useless items in their home- Christmas lights, skeletons, giblets, a stop light for some reason. If they lived still in the old farmhouse and not the cave system, their house likely would be full wall to wall. And, with the blood and guts in the very walls of their house, which is a cave and thus a fantastic place to grow all kinds of deadly molds, this behavior is definitely putting the Sawyers at a significant health risk. The Sawyer family, and Drayton specifically, show hoarding behaviors to the extent that it’s putting their health at risk. It may also seem like an odd thing, to keep mentioning the collection of bodies on the Sawyer property as a form of hoarding, but I think for Drayton it very much is. Meat is life for the Sawyers- they were raised in meat- and having it is all they have, often. So a massive collection of bodies and body parts, even when they’re not really being used and are likely rotting their home, soothes Drayton’s fear of needing and not having. If hard times come again, like they did during the Depression, or when the Sawyers could no longer work at the slaughterhouse, they’ve still got something, even if that something is nothing more than viscera in the walls. 

Now, of course, other mental health conditions could be impacting Drayton and causing his hoarding behavior. While Drayton doesn’t display a lot of obvious symptoms, we know psychotic disorders run in the family- Nubbins is heavily coded as schizophrenic, Edwin Neal based his performance off his schizophrenic nephew. Additionally, Drayton could have some type of severe depression. Throughout the end of the second film, Drayton talks about ‘quitting’, and how he’s been thinking about ‘quitting’ lately. Reasonably, it could be assumed he means retirement- he’s 66 after all. However, at the very end of the film, he refers to killing himself and his family in the same terms- “Maybe it’s time to just shut down. Time to shut down the show, yeah.” It’s possible that he did mean retirement originally. And it’s also possible he was always thinking of suicide. Drayton Sawyer may not seem like someone who is depressed, especially with business booming as it is, but depression doesn’t yield to success, and Drayton displays and follows through on suicidal intensions. It’s not a sure thing, but certainly not impossible. Additionally, Drayton could have OCD. Compulsive hoarding was considered a type of OCD, and 1/4th of people with OCD also display compulsive hoarding, and 1/5th of hoarders also display other traits of OCD. 

However, I still think one could argue these hoarding behaviors present in Drayton and his money anxiety are inextricably linked to trauma related to the Great Depression/ Dust Bowl. Especially since in disorders like depression and OCD, trauma- while not necessarily causative of the disorder- is a risk factor for the development of these disorders. So I do believe it could be said that Drayton is a hoarder, or at least shows signs of hoarding behaviors, and that this behavior stems from the impacts of the Great Depression/ Dust Bowl on him. 

I think, additionally, Drayton’s sadism and antisocial behaviors could stem partially from his experiences with the Great Depression/ Dust Bowl as well. I do believe there are other factors at play, ranging from potential generational abuse in the Sawyer family, to Drayton’s own desire for power and control leading him to exert that power as violence over anybody he can hurt and get away with hurting- namely his vulnerable and reliant younger brothers and the victims of his family. However, I think the Great Depression/ Dust Bowl could still have played a substantial part in shaping the way he’s sadistic, and forming within him a need for power and control. 

One of the more prominent ways I think that the Great Depression/ Dust Bowl shaped Drayton’s antisocial behaviors, is the way that it altered his view of people outside his family and the nature of human interaction. One of his snappier lines in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 was “It’s a dog eat dog world and from where I sit there just ain’t enough damn dogs!” which gives a pretty solid view into Drayton’s mindset. People can and will tear each other apart, and it’s important to him to be the one doing the hurting instead of being the one getting hurt. Of course, ignoring the cannibalistic implications of this sentence from the mouth of a cannibal would be silly, but taken literally the meaning is much the same. Drayton believes that the people he and his family kills and eats would at least harm and take advantage of him and his family if the shoe were on the other foot- maybe he even thinks its a matter of cannibalize or be cannibalized. And, of course, now that Drayton is on top- now that he’s scrapped out some deal of security by slaughtering others, he only wants more. Which makes sense if he grew up with barely any food on his plate, in a time period where others could pose a real danger, as they’re hungry too. Their neighbors realistically weren’t going to cannibalize the Sawyers in turn, but it was possible they might try to steal from them, or that desperate people might try to hurt them in order to take resources from them. It’s possible this could’ve happened to the Sawyers in Drayton’s lifetime, and it’s possible it never did but Drayton was raised with the idea in his head that it could happen- that the anxieties of older Sawyers before him imparted on him that he couldn’t trust people other than his family and that he should take what he can from other people before they take from him, regardless of whether the Sawyers were even cannibalistic during this time or not. I think that this anxiety around being hurt, baked into Drayton from a young age, manifested in his adulthood as an inward justification for his extreme and violent behavior, and in the way that he raised his younger brothers to continue this cycle- Drayton never breaks the cycle and imposes his beliefs and traumas onto his younger brothers, causing them to become even more isolationist and antisocial than him. 

Another way I think the Great Depression/ Dust Bowl would’ve impacted Drayton as an adult is by impacting how and why he expresses sadism. I believe that Drayton likely expresses sadism the way he does due to feeling helpless or out of control. This is an odd sentiment to apply to Drayton- he’s a very cruel and controlling man when he’s present in the films, and helplessness isn’t particularly befitting of him from the outside. However, despite what Drayton might admit or be willing to believe, he has control over almost nothing. He’s dirt poor, and likely disabled, trying to keep a gas station running in a tiny town when he can’t even always count on having gas. According to signs on the station, he sells barbeque and fishing worms as well, the barbeque sourced from their victims, and the worms likely just dug up out of the ground. He’s doing all he can to make ends meet, but whether or not he makes it really isn’t in his control. Additionally, he can’t keep his brothers under control. It’s not a particularly reasonable thing for him to want- the level of control he wants over his brothers, who are grown men, could certainly be argued to be unhealthy, he treats them quite like children. But it is still something Drayton clearly wants- he punishes them severely for disobeying him, and “I told you and I told you” is a pretty common sentence out of his mouth- he’s always vying for control of his brothers, even to the extent to not teach them about sex and to try and sway them away from ever having connections to people outside of the family, especially of a romantic variety, going so far as to try to make Bubba kill a woman Drayton assumed he had some kind of connection with. But, for all he does, he can’t keep Nubbins in the house, or Chop Top from getting into trouble and messing with Nubbins’ body, or Bubba from developing an interest in women. He wants control of them, desperately, but he can’t have that either. The only time Drayton Sawyer has complete control is when he’s tormenting a victim. It could be argued he torments them for the sake of tormenting them, not to have control, but to hurt someone for the simple enjoyment of causing pain. However, I don’t think this lines up with much of what we know about Drayton. While he is very cruel, he also shies away from violence at odd times. He enjoys poking Sally with the stick when she’s in his truck, but he also doesn’t like hearing her cry. He enjoys watching Grandpa bash her head in with a hammer, but also scolds his brothers for “torturing the poor girl”. Drayton clearly does enjoy violence to some degree, but I don’t think he enjoys violence for the sake of it. I think Drayton enjoys violence as a means to feel in control, and desires that feeling both because of his lack of control in his everyday life, and because of the way his life was suddenly upended by forces beyond his control or his family’s control at a young age.  

Ultimately, I’m not entirely certain that the creators of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre would’ve put much thought into the ways that the politics and economics of the time period the characters were born in would affect how the old scary guy who takes a chainsaw up the ass in the second movie thinks and behaves, so take this analysis with a grain of salt, lol, but it was a lot of fun to write, and I think that these factors are certainly something fans could take into account when thinking about and creating content of these characters. I greatly enjoy trying to unravel some of the mystery around the Sawyers with what little information we have, especially since these questions will never be answered in canon. Feel free to add on anything you think I might have missed with this topic, or any other thoughts that come to your mind! I love hearing other people’s theories and thoughts and such.

[sophswritingthings]

ruin my life -- chapter 1

| warning(s): light swearing |

| a/n: modern mizu had such a grip on me, and now were here. |

| summary: an overlook into mizu's life before you enter it. |

| song rec: ruin my life -- zolita (for the story, in general) |

| word count: 776 words / 4,211 characters |

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mizu always kept to herself, she was never the loud type. always played a background role, even if people thought she should be in the spotlight.

never had she believed that before she met eiji.

eiji was an alumni at her school.. one of the many famous actors the school had produced. the amount of actors they had produced is why she really wanted to go to the school, in the first place.

and meeting him kind of changed her whole perception of her own talent, of her own mind. if someone who was so great could tell her all these great things about herself, they were true, surely.

"listen here, kid, nobody ever did anything by sitting on their ass and never getting anything done," he furrowed his eyebrows as they walked side by side, through the halls of the marbled school. "I know that better than anyone. you remind me of myself, when I went here."

she arched one eyebrow, "how come? im.. nothing like you, I mean.. you're this great actor and im just.. a college student who can barley pay their own tuition."

he gently gripped her shoulder, nodding, "exactly. do you think I was some great guy while I was in college? I didn't come from riches, kid, I could barley pay for this college when I was your age."

she adverted her gaze, a little sigh leaving her lips, "suppose that's true," mizu mumbled.

"and ive heard you do fencing," he tapped his cane against the ground, "as did i."

"oh--yeah. yeah, I know," a small smile crossed her lips. "its part of the reason I wanted to start. sort of, I guess."

"its a noble practice," he nodded, smiling a bit. "may I request to meet you, again, mizu? after your classes, tomorrow."

her eyes widened, gazing at him. someone as great as him, wanted anything to do with them?

"um, uh, yes." she stammered, "I'll meet you here."

and from then on, that's what they'd do. hours turned into days, and days turned into weeks that she would meet eiji for both fencing practice, and acting/college advice.

eiji was basically the father she had never had, someone to inspire her, push her forward.

her college life had improved, a little. not by much, but a little. she still lived in a small-ass college dorm with three other girls, sharing two sets of bunk beds in the room the size of a walk in closet.

"mizu? hey?" one of the girls, carrie, seemed to take an interest in her early. and of course, she had settled on the top bunk of mizu's bed. the girl popped down, swinging her head over mizu's bed. "you doin' anything tomorrow? me and some friends were going out and--"

mizu's head had almost immediately blocked out any word she said. she didn't want anything to do with this girl, nor what she was offering. she seemed to be the kind of girl to cling and never leave, and she was not about that. she'd come home crying over some new girl every week, she could guess, crying that they said she was "too clingy".

"uh--yeah. im working," mizu hissed, never looking up from her phone.

that wasn't a lie, actually, she had work at her average pay job as a barista. she had been working there ever since she got accepted into the college, how else would she pa her tuition?

not that it helped, much, it wasn't the best pay ever. and her tuition was more than 50,000 dollars a year--she was going to be in debt for more days than she thought she could count. but if she managed (and hopefully she would, with eijis help) to get a good gig, or few, she could pay it off in no time.

the coffee shop wasn't too bad, though. customers were usually quiet, besides the few that would come in every so often. she'd get okay tips, considering she tried to be as respectful as she could.

she had her friends. none of which attended the same school--they all had different majors. whom she considered her best friend, akemi, was in harvard law school miles away from them. taigen had gotten into law school, too, just not the same. (he definitely wasn't smart enough for harvard, that's for sure.) and ringo, the sweet culinary major she'd met going out for drinks, one night, with akemi. he was a mixologist, and despite his lack of hands--he was a wonderful one.

her life was calm. her life was quiet.

there was never anything absolutely interesting, about it.

that was--until you walked into it.

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[martian-astro]

Atmakaraka series- Part 2

Atmakaraka is the planet with the highest degree in the birth chart.

Short note: atmakaraka can give good or bad results depending on the strength of the atmakaraka planet.

Atmakaraka in 2nd house:-

A person needs to learn how to handle money and they will also have to provide financial support to their family members. (whether or not the person will actually like to help their family depends on the planet and its strength)

Sun Atmakaraka in 2nd house- These people can either be good or bad at managing finances, depending on their relationship with the father. I know a woman with this placement, she is the eldest child in the family and so her father would take her with him to business meetings and basically teach her how to manage the business, she inherited it and now handles everything, and her husband gives all of his earnings to her as well, because he knows that she is better than him at managing money. These people can also be "head of the household", I know another woman with this placement, whose husband died just after 3-4 years of their marriage and she had to take on all of the responsibilities of the house.

Moon Atmakaraka in 2nd house- I have noticed that this is one of the placements where the person WANTS to support their family, as they are very close to them. They want to earn money because they want their family to have a carefree life. Also, I know a girl with this placement whose mother is a great businesswoman and she respects her mother A LOT and always asks for her help regarding 2nd house matters. If afflicted, then the person may not like what their family does for a living, or may not want to pursue the same career as their parents. I know a guy who has an afflicted moon Atmakaraka in 2nd and his parents are doctors and they also wanted him to become a doctor, the weird thing is that he wanted to become a doctor and he was interested in it, but he did not have a good relationship with his parents so he did a bachelors in business administration, JUST TO ANNOY HIS PARENTS....like....

Mercury Atmakaraka in 2nd house- Whenever I look at a politician who is a great orator, I assume they would have mercury in 10th house, but it turns out that they have mercury in 2nd house, These people are really good at selling dreams....not products, they are great at selling things that do not exist. I have seen that a lot of people with this placement earn money by lying to people. I have never met a normal person who has this, it's always actors, singers, or politicians oh, and also people who run NGOs and all and they attend parties to get donations but the money doesn't get used for the kids, it goes inside the pockets of the people who are already rich. These people are also great storytellers and can love working with kids.

Venus Atmakaraka in 2nd house- these people love buying Venusian things, I know a guy with this placement and he's the ONLY guy I know who has scented candles in his home, and he smells so good. These people can also be obsessed with branded things, for ex- if they want to buy a plain white shirt, they will still buy it from Ralph Lauren even if they get THE SAME shirt for like 5 euros from a normal place, it doesn't matter, they will still spend 119 euros, they need to learn to control themselves. They spend money like water, and also I have noticed that some people with this can be classist, they can judge people who buy cheap clothes and eat street food (not all of them do this, only some). Also, your friends can use you for money, so be careful.

Mars Atmakaraka in 2nd house- These people, similar to Venus, can be impulsive with money, but rather than SPENDING money very fast, they want to EARN money very fast and they are prone to taking risks because of this. I know a person with this placement, he was a 38-year-old banker and then he suddenly developed an interest in Ayurveda (traditional Indian medicine), he left his job and started studying Ayurvedic medicine, then he opened his own Ayurveda hospital. Fortunately, for him, it became very successful and now he's earning a lot of money, but if Mars is weak in the chart, and you make an impulsive decision like this, then you could end up losing all your money, so be careful and be patient.

Jupiter Atmakaraka in 2nd house- These people give great financial advice. They can also earn money from the stock market if Jupiter is unafflicted. They can also be great financial consultants because they have this vibe that makes people want to trust them. If you are talking to a person who has this placement and they just randomly say stuff like "You know what, I think this will be the next big thing", INVEST IN THAT because from what I have noticed, these people just have an intuition about this kind of stuff.

Saturn Atmakaraka in 2nd house- It is difficult for these people to earn money, they have to work harder than others just to get the same amount of recognition and praise. In group projects, they are the people who do everything but still don't get appreciated. They can come across as people who are stingy with money, but that's not the case, they don't spend money because they don't HAVE money. If you are someone who has this placement but also has Jupiter in the 11th house, then the situation becomes a little better, also if the 11th lord is well placed then the negative effects of this placement get mellowed down. (Just because you have it in your chart doesn't mean that you will be unlucky regarding money, a lot of other things have to be taken under consideration as well)

(All the pictures are taken from Pinterest)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[foreverdolly]

penny for your thoughts | daddy!austin x mommy!reader

this is a request for my little "three days of blurbs" event. feel free to send in your own requests ! they are still very much open.

request: baby daddy!austin, your choice if it's fluff or angst or whatev

requested by: anon

word count: 1.1k

warnings/notes: a little bit of angst and then a hell of a lot of fluff. just you and austin being great parents and still being madly in love. also austin's father, david, playing the part of cupid at his granddaughter's birthday party. hope you like it, nonnie !

The condensation on the side of the hot pink solo cup wasn’t really holding your attention, but you’d rather look anywhere else than at the man who was awkwardly standing beside you. Making small talk with someone that knew you so completely, both inside and out, was deeply uncomfortable. It felt wrong. It was almost as though the two of you had gone back in time, but this was a first date gone bad. Because the nervous butterflies had turned into nervous killer bees. Austin was no longer just an ex-Disney star that you could poke fun at, but a successful actor. You had celebrated every triumph with him. Every call back. Every photoshoot. You had loved him through absolutely all of it, and yet here you two were, racking your brains for something to say to the other to alleviate the stifling tension between you two. 

The both of you had been separated for only five months, but you had already mastered the art of co-parenting. The relationship had fallen apart because of the constant distance that his job required. You were tired of falling asleep alone. Neither one of you had cheated on the other. You didn’t hate each other- quite the opposite, really. 

You just didn’t want to make Austin choose between his career and his family. You just wanted to be happy. 

“I guess I should haul the Harley out of the garage next weekend. Pop it into my storage unit along with my other shit.” His voice startled you, making you jump and peel your eyes off of your drink. 

Having constant reminders of the dirty blonde around the home that you once shared made you feel safe. You’d been clinging to the last scraps of him like a child might do with their baby blanket. You licked at your bottom lip, about to answer him when a very small and very wet body collided with your thigh. You smiled despite the situation, immediately tangling your fingers into your daughter’s soaked hair. “Did ya see me, mommy?” Penny asked with wide eyes. Her Barbie goggles hung from around her neck, her strawberry printed bathing suit dripping water onto the deck. You shot Austin an apologetic look before shaking your head. 

“What did you do, big girl?” She was eager to show off, having just recently gotten brave enough to dunk her entire head under the water. Austin’s father, David, was currently splashing around with an entire gang of five year old girls and had somehow managed to distract them all relatively successfully. You knew what he was trying to do though. He wanted to give you and Austin some alone time. 

Neither of you had signed the divorce papers yet, which was a win in David Butler’s book. It meant there was hope. 

“I put my whole head under the water! Papa saw me do it and everything!” 

Austin joined in on congratulating her, going as far as to scoop her up and off of the ground in order to assault her soft cheeks with kisses. His white shirt was completely soaked when he let her go, the now opaque fabric clinging to his body. You made a point to look away, making sure that he didn’t catch you staring. After Penny felt as though she had been appropriately praised by her parents she jogged back over to the pool, announcing to her group of friends that they should play mermaids for the third time that day. 

“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” You cleared your throat softly before looking back up at him. His eyes widened when he finally realized what conversation you were alluding to. You were struck all at once by how beautiful he was. All honey gold. “And I agree with you. I mean. . . We have Penny, and this has all been really hard on her. Knowing that you’re in L.A and not home with us has really been taking a toll. I think. . .” Was he really going to make you say it? Maybe all you two had really needed was a break. Because it had only taken you a single month to regret the hasty decision, but your pride had gotten the better of you for the remaining four. Austin never made it hard on you though. He never begged you to take him back, but he had cried to you. At least once a month. As if to remind you that he wasn’t done. As if to remind you that he was still just as in love with you as he had been when the two of you had gotten married. You might have left, but he never had. 

“You think…?” Austin breathed, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth so that he could worry at the soft skin. The sun was beginning to set, the string lights and lanterns that you and your loving husband had hung up just two years ago twinkling to life above you. 

You huffed out a nervous laugh, shaking your head in disbelief before tossing the drink into the trash bin beside you. “I think that I rushed into my decision. It was a permanent fix for a temporary situation, and I want to try again. Us, I mean. . . a family. I never stopped loving you, I just stopped feeling heard after a while. You disappeared on me and I-” Austin must have heard all that he needed to. He was quick to pull you into a tight hug, wet shirt and all. 

He was so tall and warm. And he was home. Your home. 

The blue eyed man didn’t ask for permission before kissing you. He was eager, wanting to make up for the lost months that he hadn’t been able to show you all of the physical affection that he so desperately wanted to. 

He didn’t need to though. He knew that you wanted it too by the way that you clung to him, your hands shaking at the realization that all of your problems might have just been solved. He cupped your cheeks in his palms, lazily moving his lips against yours. Like he had suddenly just been given all of the time in the world. 

“Penny? Your mommy and daddy are kissing.” 

“Really? Wait! Does this mean daddy’s gonna have a sleepover with us?”  

@knoxvillesshoes@cosmorant@ol1viam@simply-sams-things@haim80s@gabbcabb@8hgel@slutt4him@busy-bee-angel-misska@kaitaesupremacy@dazedshoon @4rt3m1ss@cryingabtab@kittenlittle24@austinsrealgf@austinbutlersgirlfriend@clearbolts @dark-as-love@anni-secret-account-75@ab4eva@starcatchxr @julietamidala @obbsessivereader@gwuide@blurredcolour@the-little-red-haired-girl@meladollsims@poppet05@shrekstheloml@randomwriter888@idc123sworld@vane28282@mirandastuckinthe80s@girlblogger2002@rockerchick05@screechingstrawberrysong@simpforevery1@girlabirla@dre6ming@obetrolncocktails@fairyjanes@jensenswinchester@lo-bells @in-my-body-bag@fxntxsix@petrparkrslut@eliseinmemphis @lelifesaver @screaching-cookie@fantuhsise@areuirish @bcofl0ve@mslizziesblog@shynovelist@ssstrangersblog @harrysthecraic@hangmanswhore@jyvnho@mymamalife @melodydior

[k-s-morgan]

I know this is a bit random, but did you like the Tom Riddle version of Christian Coulson in the Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets? I personally think he did a great job when it comes to his expressions and the way he said the lines, it was almost like he came out of the book for me. Even though his appearance wasn't exactly the same as the book(black hair, dark eyes), he still managed to cover that with his superb acting. I loved how innocent his expressions were at the start until he showed his true face, the disdain and anger were so impressively acted that one could feel unsettled by it. I think he was the best part in this movie. When it comes to the half blood prince though, my disappointment was immense, mainly because it barely showed us 20% of the book's content. The actor didn't do a bad job, he just felt less 'manipulative' because it almost felt like he barely hid his intentions from Slughorn.

Oh yes, I did love him! In fact, Christian Coulson remains my ideal version of Tom Riddle (the way he looked in the Chamber of Secrets). He combines such a great mix of beauty, grace, and danger. Whenever I write my fics, I always have him in mind.

I wasn't very fond of the portrayal of Tom in Half Blood Prince, either. The book version of child Tom was much more emotional, with fiery danger and worry emanating from him, while the in movie, he looked just dead: indifferent, emotionless, flat. And yes, the older version was too obviously cunning and manipulative to my taste.

Coulson genuinely looked innocent and concerned when he was pretending with Harry and Dumbledore; his quiet resentment growing to powerful danger and arrogance, his superiority were amazing.

[goblinpuppy35]

Out of Place Together

University Remus x Male Reader

(Previous Chapter) - Part 3 - (Next Chapter)

Summary: An academia-core themed story about the Marauders during their final year of university in the Muggle world. Soon after meeting each other  Remus begins to fall for one of Sirius' friends Y/N another shy student.

CW: Implied previous truma

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Lights faded and the small stage fell into complete darkness. After a pause audience members began to clap. "Claire can you give me a cue when all the actors are back on stage please" Y/N ask letting his fingers pressure off the comps button to his headset. A soft crackle emerge around his ears before the stage managers replied "Okay, yeah all actors are on stage, ready for you", thanking the stage manger Y/N from the box set off his last lighting cue. All the stage lights shot back on revealing the ready and waiting line of student actors, who with beaming faces took several bows. After which they gestured to stage left to encourage a round of applause for the stage hands and then their arms rose up towards the box, as a recognition for the technicians. Y/N always felt a smell amount of pride in this moment, looking down he smiled to himself. 

While the actors left the stage and the members of the public began to stand from their seats and ascend the stairs to the lobby, Y/N switched on the house lights, thanks the stage manager for all her help, then removed his tight headset and sighed, leaning back and resting his hands on his neck. Tilting further he scanned the clock above, 10:45pm, his eyes began to drop. As planned Y/N had arrived at the drama theatre at 7:30am that day. Preparation for the performance had been productive but long, between rigging lights, checking cables, testing the smoke machine and helping actors know where spotlights appeared for their marks, Y/N had barely had time for lunch himself that day. "One down .. three more nights to go" muttered Y/N turning to his fellow technician across on the sound deck. Tiredly grinning at one another they began to shut down the equipment. 

After checking and clearing up the stage it was just passed 11pm as Y/N exited the building from the back, his breath instantly creating small clusters of clouds. There was still a substantial group of friends and family all huddle around the actors sharing hugs and compliments. While people watching Y/N hardly notice a small collection of people making their way to him. "Y/N!" was all he registered before the figure of Sirius leaped upon him, bring him in for a long bear hug. "Sirius! Ah you came, thank you!" Y/N chuckles against his friends shoulder. "We all did!" declared Sirius stepping back and presenting James and Lily, waving towards Y/N and  behind them towered Remus. Y/N was shocked, his eyes wanted to stay fixed on Remus' but out of politeness they flickered between everyone's. "He came. I can't believe it" Y/N thought. They all chatted in the cold night air, Sirius insisting he could have done a better job then the lead actor and James admitting he didn't quiet follow the plot but enjoyed watching the fight scenes. "I thought the lighting was great" Remus chimed in before allowed his manic friends to take control of the conversation once more. This comment brought Y/N's eyes back to Remus' and they shared a moment which felt so precious to Y/N, his wrapped his fingers around his shirt sleeve tightly.

"Will you come out with us for a drink now Y/N?" Lily asked sweetly, shivering slightly as the breeze picked up, James wrapped his arm around her. "Sorry I can't, this show week will be pretty intense for me but I'll definitely need a drink after the final performance on Saturday" Y/N said and Lily egerly agreed as the other two started to make their way down the street. "You coming Remus?" called out Sirius, the tall man was hovering next to Y/N with his hands deep in his pockets, "Errr no, I was going to offer Y/N a lift home again if he wanted it?". Y/N stared dumbly at Sirius and then at Remus realise the question was directed at him. "Oh gosh, thank you Remus! if that's okay with you that would be really helpful!", Y/N felt himself rocking on the heels of his shoes and a smile stayed painted on his face. "Well you two have fun" called out James grinning, carrying to walk down the street the two man where now alone.

"Honestly, I really liked the lighting you did. Especially creating those lightening effects!" insisted Remus as they approach his car and ducked inside. Y/N enjoyed having someone noticing the work he was putting into the show and happily spend the car ride home explaining how the production worked behind the scenes. Remus seemed genuinely fascinated and while keeping his eyes on the road still asked numerus questions, enjoying each answer Y/N gave him. Driving down Y/Ns street Remus' car slowly halted outside Y/N student house, behind closed curtains shown sickly neon flashing lights and a slow repetitive thumping could be heard seeping through the brick work. Staring pensively through the passengers window Y/N let out a long groan and exhaustion. "Your house mates have impeccable timing don't they" Remus said, tapping the steering wheel with a long finger. Y/N stayed stationary, he felt deflated, he had several long days with early starts ahead of him. Remus studied Y/N's face, "Do you have all the stuff you need for the play in your bag" he asked. Y/N nodded still staring out of the window, his trance of despair was broken as the car engine erupted to life again and Remus began to reverse the vehicle. "What are you doing?" Y/N asked looking back at Remus, he couldn't help but stare down at Remus arms, his large jumper sleeves pulled back to his elbows revealing his skinny but tones arms. Small muscle definition on display as he held onto the steering wheel. Y/N bite the inner part of his lip. "You can't sleep there Y/N. I'm taking you back to ours. Sirius would insist the same if he was here", Y/N didn't argue, in fact he was relived by the suggestion. 

As they drove across town again Y/N told the story of how when him and Sirius were on the same course Sirius has demanded to play the leading role of Juliet, resulting in a month long fude with theatre kid turn star pupil and local commercial actress on the course.  Each time Remus laughed, his deep husky nosies made Y/N cheeks blush and his fingers fidget. He found the sound intoxicating. By the time they arrived at Remus' house it was close to midnight. 

Remus opened the door to the living room but before he flicked the light switch a series of curses fell from his lips. Peering in between his chest and arm Y/N could make out two figures, one draped across the sofa, boots still on , and clutching a half drunk bottle of something with the other half poured down their shirt. The second unconscious guest was on the floor facing downwards, an attempt to get undressed was made by this individual but alas they had only got as far as pulling their trousers down to their ankles, shoes still on, before surrendering to a drunken sleep. Both were snoring loudly and irregularly. "Fuck sake. These are Peter's mates" Remus grumbled visibly annoyed by the unexpected guests. 

Y/N's own levels of exhaustion were finally getting to him, making his eyelids heavy and his legs slightly wobbly. He just wanted to sit down. In his state he suddenly said something he normally wouldn't dream of uttering, "Can you take me to your room please Remus". The tall man looked down in surprise but his eyes quickly softened in-between strands of his messy brown hair and nodding he guided Y/N up the stairs. They passed what Y/N assumed to be Peters own room, with the door half open, several crumpled beer cans laying in the open door way where sporadic snoring erupting from with in. As they passed Remus grabbed the door handle and sharply closed the door. Remus entered his bedroom and started fumbling to find a light, Y/N frozen in the open door way, suddenly feeling rather nervous. A click of a lamp created a dim radial of light from the rooms far corner. Remus room was small with a large single mattress laying on the floor above a grand four panelled window, the view from outside was endless darkness. There was a chest of draws with a mirror and cassette player on top of it, on the other end of the door was a shabby armchair with a battered guitar propped against it. Every other possible space in the room was littered with piles upon piles of books. One pile nearly surpassed the height of the armchairs armrests. Even the lamp next to his bed was on a makeshift stand out of several thick spine book piles. Y/N simply had no idea where to place his feet, the room had an overall vibe of organised chaos. "Please come in" called out Remus as his quickly removed several books from the bed.

Thirty minutes later Y/N had successfully made his way into the room and onto the mattress. Perched on the corners edge he was flicking through a paperback he's found in a pile which after scanning the spines he believed to all be poetry. Remus re-entered his room after going down to the kitchen to make them some tea. There was a subtle but cool breeze which sept through the old window frame which Remus apologies for multiple times as he passed Y/N his tea. "It's really nice Sirius was able to get you guys to all come along, turn outs like tonight are great for everyone's moral in the department" Y/N said in-between blowing on his hot mug. "I demand Sirius had to bring us along actually" Remus said sipping from him own cup, "Oh really?" the hairs on Y/N's arms started to prick upwards. Cradling his tea Remus smiled and then looking up met Y/N's gaze "Yeah, because I wanted to see you again". Placing his mug on the ground Y/N picked up the book of poems again and awkwardly began to flick through the pages, "Why .. I mean you barely know me", "Maybe" mused Remus "but I like all the parts of you I know about so far". There was a strange echo in Y/Ns head which was urging him to get up and leave, instead he continued to scan the books pages, trying to ignore how Remus has not stopped staring at his face.

"Ode to a nightingale by John Keats" stuttered Y/N tapping his finger on the open page "it's a really good one". The duvet under them moved slightly as Remus shuffled a little closer to Y/N, "Read it to me" he requested softly. There was a pause as Y/N contemplated this, rotating himself slightly so his back was to Remus, clearing his throat Y/N began to recite the poem. "My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains. My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk." his voice jittery at first then gradually smoothing out as he got into the flow of the verses. He could feel Remus' presents behind him and tried to focus simply on the words upon the page. He was nearing the penultimate verse when he froze as the obvious sensation of Remus' hand gently placing itself on his waist became apparent. The book in Y/Ns hands suddenly felt weighted, nearly slipping through his fingers before he placed it beside him, his eyes still facing forward as a second hand was placed on his opposite hip. The feeling of tightness returned to his chest. "Is this okay" Remus whispers into Y/N's ear from behind. Several thoughts were rushing through Y/N's mind at once, closing his eyes he waited for them to calm down. Once peace re-entered his mind he tilted his neck to the side, meeting Remus face, which was closer to his than he thought. God Y/N thought he was beautiful, his piercing blue eyes gleaming against his strong features. Wisps of hair falling down over his forehead, almost covering his eye.

Their heads leaned in together and their lips met. A slow intimate kiss was followed with a second, and third and forth. Remus' moustache brushed up against Y/N's nose and he felt the taller man's warm forehead rest against his. Each kiss made Y/N desire another and as they opened their mouths Y/N let out a relaxed sigh, he could feel Remus' lips curve into a smile between embraces. As they continued Y/N began to feel Remus' weight above him and Remus' arms gradually guided Y/N's body down onto the mattress, with Remus' own body above Y/N's now. Everything around Y/N from the duvet to their clothes, to Remus cheeks felt so comforting and soft.

But then Remus' hands dipped under Y/N's shirt, reaching his bare stomach and a sharp feeling of panic hit Y/N in the centre of his chest. As Remus' finger tips glided around, Y/N breathe quickened and images started to flash inside his head. Imagines which made him tense and scrunch up his brow. "Stop" muttered Y/N barely audibly, then again loud enough for Remus to hear and freeze his actions. Seeing the clear distress on Y/N's face he pulled his hands out of Y/N's clothes, "I'm sorry! What's wrong?" he asked as he let Y/N sit up and place his head in-between his knees. Y/N felt foolish and ashamed, "No, nothing.  It's fine. I'm sorry, it's just" he paused and tried to steady his breathing. Remus sat next to Y/N, his hands resting on his knees and observed him, wanting to help but not sure how. His ocean blue eyes look at Y/N's fidgeting hands and then rapidly tapping foot, then back to his hands. After a moment Y/N sharply sat back up, brushed his hair out of his face and exhaled loudly, "I haven't .. for a while .. and the last time was .. well it .. it wasn't" Y/N paused as he felt one of Remus' hands place itself on top of his clenched fist. "It's okay" he said kindly, Y/N smiled weakly and stared up at Remus, "You have beautiful eyes" Remus remarked and delicately kissed Y/N's forehead, just above his eyebrows, Y/N laughed bashfully and looked towards to ground "And I like the way your cheeks blush" Remus remarked planning a single kiss on each side of Y/N's face, Y/N could feel his tension reducing. "Would you like to get some sleep here? I can sleep on the floor?" Remus asked sincerely, "No please stay, I'd like you to stay" Y/N said, finally opening his fist and interlocking fingers with Remus, it was now the messy brunettes turn to look down and blush. 

Turning off the lamp and room was engulfed in the night, the two men laid down on the mattress. Y/N put his back against Remus' chest and felt one of Remus' hands drape over his hip while the other made it's way to his head and he felt Remus fingers gently caress him hair. They seemed to fit together so naturally. Peaceful sleep came to both of them gradually. 

Y/N's mind was blank. Quiet. Then his subconscious flashed and pulse abruptly. Again and again with violent painful images and scenes. Bright red filled his mind. "Stop .. stop... STOP" screamed repeatedly inside his mind until the noise was defending and then silence. Silence and the picture of a face. A face he knows all too well. Even silhouetted in the dark Y/N still knew those terrifying eyes anywhere. His own eyes shot open and he was awake but Y/N wasn't sure at first. He jolted up right in fear and tried to remember where he was, his pupils darting across the unfamiliar room. "please don't be here. please don't be here" repeated frantically in his mind. Looking down next to his he saw the vague shape of a body. Remus' long body next to him, still asleep. Scooting along to the end of the bed, Y/N rested his feet on the cold floorboards, placing his hands over his eyes, "Stupid... Idiot" escaped his lips over and over. 

"Y/N.." Remus' body shifting behind Y/N as he rose up from his sleeping position. Y/N wishes he was somewhere else. "Y/N .. your shivering" Remus whispered ever so lightly against Y/N's bare neck. Y/N could only answer with erratic hitched breathing. Within the dark the sound of rustling fabrics arose and then Y/N felt the woollen weight of Remus' jumper going over his head. He didn't object to Remus helping him put it on, despite feeling foolish, all Y/N could currently do was sniff. Wrapping his knuckles into the cuffs of the oversize knitwear. The jumper smelt musky just like Remus did, it was pleasant. A secondary pressure came upon Y/N as he sensed Remus' slender arms snake under his armpits and wrap around his stomach. Remus' legs were either side of Y/N and using his arms Remus pulled the whimpering Y/N up against his chest. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry" Y/N's voice quivered, he felt humiliated, refusing to acknowledge how nice being this close to Remus again felt. 

"Shhhhh, it's okay" Remus murmured gently into the crook of Y/N's neck. In the dark touching one another felt even more intimate. "It's not! I don't like people seeing me like this" Y/N sniffed getting more frustrated with himself with every sentence he spoke. "Why?" Remus asked calming, huffing in the dark Y/N's cheeks grow warm. "Because I don't like people seeing how broken I am". Y/N was trying so hard not to cry but both men could hear the quivers rising from his throat. There was a long gap before Remus spoke again. "Have you noticed the scares on my body?" the question took Y/N by surprise yet as he thought back to their previous meetings he suddenly become aware of several notable scars littered across Remus arms and rising above the collar of his jumper. Y/N remembered even seeing one just above his eyebrows. The scars seemed to vary in freshness, "Umm yeah I have, on your arms and stuff". "I have lots more." Remus said plainly "My infliction has left me feeling like an outsider my whole life. It makes me scared to every let other see me for who I really am". "Your infliction?" repeated Y/N confused. Another long pause passed between them. "I'm a werewolf Y/N." They both sat in the dark, motionless. 

"Does that scare you?" Remus finally asked. Y/N honestly thought about it, "no" he replied. "It's alright if it does, you don't have to pretend" Remus urged, "No I know, but genuinely it doesn't frighten me" Y/N said confident in his own words, "I still trust you Remus". Y/N felt Remus grip on him tighten suddenly. Both men felt cathodic and in sync drew each other back down to the mattress in their embrace.  There was still a few hours before Y/N had to get up so they tried to rest for a little longer. 

It was early the next morning when Y/N woke up significantly calmer then before, still wrapped in the tender arms of Remus. Y/Ns eyes felt heavy with sleep yet his company was an endearing way to start his day. As he shifted around to face Remus he watched the gorgeous man's face slowly flutter awake. Once Remus' eyes adjusted to see it was Y/N's face smiling at him he grinned back, "Good morning" he grumbled. "Hi" Y/N said softly placing a hand on Remus cheek, his fingers running over his skin in circles, "I'm afraid I need to get going". They both pouted dramatically before laughing and then groaning both proceeded to get up.

Y/N was at the bottom of the stairs by the front door putting his coat on as he heard Remus' foot steps creaking down towards him. He was wearing the same baggy jumper and pyjamas bottoms Y/N had seen him in the first time they met. This made Y/N smile privately to himself. "I'm sorry for last night. Not the sexiest thing having someone have a panic attack in your bed" Y/N attempt of humour was masking a  mortified mountain of self hatred. As Y/N was preparing another self deprecating statement Remus without a word leaned down and kissed Y/N tenderly on the cheek and then on his neck. The second kiss made Y/N gasp slightly. "The first night with someone should always be filled with the bearing of one's soul and fears." Y/N awkwardly twiddled with the strapped on his shoulder bag, he badly wanted to kiss Remus back. "I liked you Y/N" Remus said honestly "And I would like to spend more time with you but we can go by your terms and pace okay" and Remus out stretched his hand. Y/N studied it carefully, taking note of the scares spanning across the knuckles "Okay" Y/N hummed taking Remus hand, the touching of fingertips transported him back to last nights embrace. They stayed smiling and shaking each other's hands, both clearly enjoying the touch. "Can I take you home again after the play tonight" Remus asked, a look of hope in his eyes. "Yes" Y/N replied quietly before turning to the front door and opening it. They both whispered goodbye to each other, taking in each other's faces until the very last moment as the door shut, separating them.